Romantic poems that make you cry

/r/onions: Things That Make You Cry Tor Onion Routing Hidden Services

2009.08.19 01:37 miserlou /r/onions: Things That Make You Cry Tor Onion Routing Hidden Services

The Best Parts of the Anonymous Internet Tor Onion Routing Hidden Services .onions
[link]


2017.03.04 03:26 sowydso Memes that will make you cry

Sad memes
[link]


2014.06.06 19:02 NetTrap Happy Crying Dads

Post reactions to stuff that make dads cry tears of happiness.
[link]


2024.05.19 10:08 JudgmentRemote2168 It’s been almost 3 years

Back in 2018 I met someone online through a mutual friend, and we casually started speaking. We never thought it would go anywhere, but fast forward we fell for each other hard and dated long distance. We were in a good situation where we were able to see each other about once a month even being across the country from each other.
When the pandemic hit, we moved forward with closing the distance and I moved from the west coast to the east coast. I didn’t want to move in together right away as I was fiercely independent and wanted to ease into us being close together. I also had lived alone for a long time, and wasn’t ready to fully share my space with someone yet.
For a year we were together in the same city, and I thought things between us were going great. We spent (at least) half the week together and I was easily integrating into my new city and life.
Then it all came crashing down when he told me he had met someone else, and he wanted to be exclusive with her and didn’t want to cheat on me so he wanted to end things between us so they could be together.
I mean.. he was cheating the whole time, but whatever, if it makes him sleep better thinking he did nothing wrong then… ok I guess. You never hooked up so you aren’t a cheater (yes he is).
But to the point, it’s been three years. I have no desire to get back together with him, and even if he did reach out to reconcile… I wouldn’t do it.
But I also don’t have any desire to date anyone, at all. I tried dating a little bit, but I just felt like I was doing it because I had to.
I live a very fulfilling life, I have great friends and a beautiful life in every way except romance. I just feel like he was it for me. He was the love of my life, and it ended, that was my chance and now it’s done.
I know what he did was wrong, I’ve talked about it in therapy a lot. I know I can’t blame myself because he decided to be a piece of garbage… but even so I just feel like my shot at a romantic future is done, and my fairytale has ended forever.
I don’t know what I’m looking for by sharing this, I just guess to finally admit it. I tell my friends I just don’t feel like dating, when in reality it all feels pointless.
I don’t look at his social media, I have no clue what he’s up to. But I know he looks at mine sometimes, I see he’s looked at my stuff every now and again.
submitted by JudgmentRemote2168 to heartbreak [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 10:06 Moist_Policy_71 DAE actually kinda like having an overactive fight-or-flight response

I've got some intense hyperarousal and hypervigilance symptoms. If I hear the sudden chirp of somebody locking their car with a keyfob while I'm walking by on the street, I'll practically jump 5ft in the air and shout.
I really don't enjoy certain aspects of it, like how it prevents me from being able to relax enough to fall asleep or how it makes me an incredibly light sleeper who jolts awake at the slightest sound.
However, I am kind of appreciative of my hypersensitive fight-or-flight response, especially how it always veers towards "fight" over the other options.
If somebody tries to jump out at me or sneak up behind me as a joke, I'm always shocked to learn my body involuntarily responds with lightning fast, ninja-tier reflexes; jabbing someone in the eyes with my fingers, elbowing them in the diaphragm so hard they can't breathe, kneeing them in the groin, smashing them over the head with whatever I'm holding, etc.,
Like, I'm not happy to hurt anyone, but 1. If your idea of a good time is deliberately scaring someone, you deserve whatever happens next and 2. It's nice to know that if a genuine threat occurs, my sympathetic nervous system can handle it.
I'm also grateful for the fact that it allows me to shut down creeps with ease. I'll watch a lot of my friends humor the creepiest freaks imaginable for months on end because they're afraid of confrontation or hurting someone's feelings.
Meanwhile, if someone makes me feel on edge and uncomfortable, all fear flies out the window and is immediately replaced with anger. I end up shutting them down and chasing them off with overt hostility very early on. It's like my unconscious mind is thinking "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get this person to NEVER interact with me again, time to make a stranger cry".
It's honestly been very useful!
Can anybody else relate?
submitted by Moist_Policy_71 to CPTSD [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 10:06 Lazy_Neighborhood_91 What real life moment of a 'ship' raised your standards to unattainable nights?

What real life moment of a 'ship' raised your standards to unattainable nights?
Recently i saw this BTS of Two Worlds and this scene just showed me and reminded me how Max always...always makes Nat a priority...even when they are nearly drowning. He's such a gentleman all the time and Wow...my future husband has some high standards to meet🥲🥲
Also remember that moment when Fort gave Peat presents for every birthday of his he missed since Pear's birth. Like that just slayed me through and through.
When Mix was crying talking about his and Earth's break up era...i just felt the depth and realness of their relationship..whatever it may be.😭
There are many such moments in Bl...moments which draw in fans and even make some go all crazy and start thinking these ships may be real.
What are some off screen scenes of Bl couples that made you go Awe, shed a tear or two or just think to yourself 'Maybe?'
submitted by Lazy_Neighborhood_91 to ThaiBL [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 10:05 ggwplucky [Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview

[Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview
A while back I was messing around with the Wayback Machine & came across this diamond in the rough on AP's MySpace page. Also found some photos, but most importantly, a track-by-track [Armed To The Teeth] interview from Sony Connect that they did back in '05 (presumably around the same time they did the Sony Connect set with the acoustic songs).
In the interview, Tommy tells the story behind each track on Armed To The Teeth (except Lucky). You'll also find tidbits about the process, lyrically & sonically of these songs, and much more!
If you want to read it/see it from the "raw" source and discover more, here's a link with the Wayback's capture I found on the interview blog: https://web.archive.org/web/20071005015435/http://www.myspace.com/abandonedpools
Now without further ado, the Sonic Connect Interview:
A track by track discussion of Armed to the Teeth from the Sony Connect Store interview:
LETHAL KILLERS TW: As far as how that [demo of the] song was constructed ... I did this trick where I would take a half-time drum loop and sort of nudge it one way and then put in another track and nudge it the other, and we got this sort of double time, rolling drum feel. So that - plus the sort of round-robin type of guitar parts that we have going - was sort of a very easy construction for a song. And then you start moving the bass part around, and, boom, you've got a song.
But I think that lyrically - I want to make it clear that that song isn't necessarily [about] "church is bad, government's bad." I think it's a little bit more complicated than that, though sometimes if you mix the two of religious power and government power, that can be bad for both of them. And I kinda like the idea of not living a life saying, "Well, you better live life in a certain way because then, you know, everything's gonna be great later in heaven." You know, the idea of, like, if this is all we have now, if that idea was just a little bit more embraced, our world could be a little bit better. I just find that a little bit more satisfying, too, if you think like, this is all you have and then you're gonna die. [Laughs] It seems a little bit more like, "Oh, okay, well!" instead of, like, thinking that there's some other life at some other time and you can put things off.
RABBLE TW: Well, a lot of the songs on this record - about two-thirds of it - have to do with a relationship I had that went south, and you know when you go through relationships you always have such a good 20/20 hindsight about things. And I think "Rabble" is just trying to basically say to somebody, "I just wanted to know you better" . . . It's just one of those things where, with this relationship in particular, I wish it would have turned out better. And there's a lot of things that happened that shouldn't have happened, and it's just sort of one of those "oh, what could have been?" scenarios.
THE CATALYST TW: "The Catalyst" is definitely along the same lines. I think the main line in that one is "I wish I could say something beautiful to make you fall in love again." There's a Coachella reference in there, too: "Love has slowly faded away like spotlights shining into space." Have you ever been to Coachella? Of course you have. You know, there's all those spotlights that shoot up in the air. I just thought that was kinda cool, like, how far do those lights really go? "The Catalyst" was also the last song written for the record. It was demoed while we were in the studio. And it's one of those songs that I said two-thirds of the record was written for somebody. That's one of them.
TIGHTER NOOSE TW: "Tighter Noose" is the oldest song on the record by far. It was probably written back in '99, 2000, or somewhere in there. I was thinking about it for the first record [2001's Humanistic], but it didn't really fit in with those kind of songs, so I kept it around and we'd even play it live occasionally. I think it fits in with these songs way better. [As for what "Tighter Noose" is about,] that song is one of those breaking-off-on-your-own- what-have-you-got-to-lose kind of things, because that was written sort of in the wake of when I was in The Eels. It wasn't a terribly happy situation, so I was like, well screw it, I'm just gonna go off and do my own thing. And then it's sort of like, well, you know: "I'm gonna go start my own thing. Uh, I have to learn to sing and write songs now." [Laughs] It's kinda funny: "Screw you guys! I'm gonna go get a deal!" And then like, "Uh oh." But really, I'm a firm believer in that [idea that] you just gotta go for it. And so it was like, well, this is gonna be difficult, but it's gonna be better than what I had before. And actually, with some distance on that situation, I realized I made the right decision and made a lot more money and was a lot more happy as a result. So that was sort of a leap of faith, you know. I didn't want to be someone's stupid bass player. Now I'm my own stupid bass player.
WAITING TO PANIC TW: There was a lull between record companies. The first record [Humanistic] was on Extasy - I don't know if you know about that company, but we were basically the poster-child for the implosion of an indie label. I came off the road in 2002, the label's folding, and I'm like, well, I'm just gonna go back and give this my best shot and we'll get another deal. It seemed highly unlikely, but we ended up doing it. And there was just a lull in there where nobody was interested. I had attorneys not returning my phone calls - that kinda stuff. It felt like, I'm just waiting around and I'm really anxious. So that was a song of frustration that was written and demoed all in one day - it was a song that just came out of me in like eight hours. We also put an EP out [The Reverb EP] and on the EP is the version of that demo that I did in one day. It doesn't happen [like that] very often. Usually I build bed tracks and come back to it a few weeks later and add something, and then come back a couple of days later. This one was all in one shot.
HUNTING TW: My friend Ross Golan, who has his own band Ross Golan and Molehead, had been following the wake of the relationship. He's like, "You just gotta write her a song and use her name." And I'm like, nah, nah, it's not covered enough. And he's like, "No, just do it. Go for it." So I did. I wrote this song and I wrote it for her for her birthday and I used her name, which is in the first lyric of the song, which is "Ginny." So I just went for it and wrote it. It was basically a birthday gift, and it was basically saying, like, you know, "Oops!" [Laughs] It didn't get me very far, but I like the song. We're friends, she's a good girl, absolutely, but back at that time, it was kinda like, "Erraaghhh! Here's a song!" But I like the song and I just think it was one of those times where I was really putting myself out there, and I know she liked it, too. But then, I think that's a myth where you just write a song and all of a sudden the girl just says, "Oh! Okay!" But, you know, hey. There it is. It's on the record.
That's the romantic notion of how they'll react to the song, at least.
TW: Exactly. And I'm really glad we're past that whole ironic phase, which I was part of with The Eels, where everything was super ironic and we'd play "The Macarena" on stage - [sarcastically] and that was funny! I'm glad we're through all that stuff, even though I was still a Beck fan when he was doing all that stuff, too. But I like being sincere and sappy and romantic. I kinda think that's a great thing.
ARMED TO THE TEETH TW: This is one of the first songs written when we came off the road and I had a lot of momentum. If you look at the state of the industry you can see a lot of corporations that seem to have to buy everything in sight. They just have to own everything, and to what purpose? Does it really make the industry much better? No. There's fewer outlets, there's a lot more gatekeepers. They want to buy stuff and it just kinda makes things bad for everybody. All the radio stations play the same shit - except for Indie 103.1 and KCRW in L.A. In spite of it all, I'm just gonna try to do my best and have a career anyway. When we came off the road I felt like I had a lot of momentum. Performing live is inspiring to writing, so it was just the whole idea of, "Alright, now that I have one record under my belt, I'm gonna really go for it in spite of all the forces that be." Even though they're pretty much indifferent to us, [laughs] their actions do affect us. It's sort of a song of bravado.
Why did you also choose "Armed To The Teeth" as the name of the album, too, which, in turn, implies it as the overall theme?
TW: Yeah, which is funny, since I kinda decided on that theme early on, thinking I was gonna go in a certain way, but then, like I said, two-thirds of the record is love songs. So "Armed To The Teeth" doesn't really fit in a certain way, but I also liked it just because [of] that idea of, like, now I'm really ready to make a record, and also I think it reflects the state of the country a little bit. Everything's a little bit aggressive, we're at war, and I thought it was sort of timely in that way
SOONER OR LATER TW: "Sooner Or Later" is another one of those tracks that was written after we got signed, so it's a newer song. I mentioned that sort of double time drum loop thing with "Lethal Killers" - this is the same thing. It's a half time drum loop that I nudged in one direction and then put in another track and nudge it in the other, then "boom," it's double time. And I like that, it's a good effect. It really sets up this kind of overlapping, rolling sound that a real drummer can't do. And things flam a little bit, and I really like that feel, so this song was constructed in the same manner where you have a rolling drum loop and then you put over a couple of guitar parts here and there and all of a sudden you got a song - I think this song is over six minutes. This is, um, I guess it's a couple things. Lyrically, it's sort of saying, like, whatever you do or whatever you say, there's no point in hiding anything because it all comes out in the end - which is the tagline in the chorus. There's no hiding. And in the verse it says, "Sooner or later / It's all coming down." In some way or another, whether you acknowledge it or if it just eats at your self, you can't really get away with anything. It's sort of fatalistic that way, but also in terms of, like, seeing how I also look at as a bigger picture of, like, politically, and since we're at war right now, it seems like things are getting a little scary. And that's kind of like one of those doomsday scenarios. If you look around a little you can really freak yourself out if you're reading about, like, bio-warfare and things like that. So a lot of this talk about "smoking gun in the shape of a mushroom cloud" and all that, it sort of brought up for me a lot of doomsday scenarios. So it's two-fold: it's that doomsday scenario, in terms of as far as the world is concerned, and then, personally, if you do stupid shit then you're eventually gonna pay for it somehow.
SAILING SEAS TW: Like "Hunting," this is probably the most direct, out-there storytelling song. Instead of using her [real] name, it's switched to "Holly," which is in the chorus. So it's another one of those songs talking straight to somebody. And there's a lot of details in there that I wouldn't talk about in normal conversation. That's the funny thing about songwriting where I wouldn't talk about this, but then I can put it in this song and you can still hear it and you still understand, but it's sort of masked a little bit. It's presented in a certain way where it's somehow okay to say that when you're in a major key or something. Because like, the second verse is about pretending you're outside a room listening to somebody [you love] have sex [with someone else], and that's a situation to put yourself into to really torture yourself. I created this scenario in my head and I put it in a song, and it's kinda brutal, but the [beat of the] song is upbeat and happy.
RENEGADE TW: This is a sample-based type song [with] drum loops. The cello was originally a Bjork sample and we replaced it. This one is sort of hard to explain. To me it’s just sort of like just a creation, because some of the record is social commentary, and I think there's a lot of that in this song, and it's like little snippets and ideas, and not necessarily one unifying idea. I think it's just kind of a song based on looking around and taking stock of things. This song in particular isn't really even about anything. It's just, like, observations, pretty much. And, oh, by the way, Billy Howerdel, the guitarist from A Perfect Circle, is playing guitar on that song. He jumped on that track and he's the one that makes it sound scary.
MAYBE THEN SOMEDAY TW: That was one of the first songs written in the wake of the breakup. It was one of those kind of "well-it-just-didn't-work-out-but-maybe-one-day-we'll-see-what-happens" kind of things. Because the circumstances are such that it wasn't gonna happen immediately so I was kinda like, well, we'll see. I don't have much to say about that; it's just grouped in with "songs about her."
GOODBYE SONG TW: That was also written when there was not a lot going on for me and we hadn't really nailed down the record deal. She [Tommy's ex-girlfriend] always thought she was bad luck - she'd show up and bad things would start happening - so she thought it was her fault that I hadn't got a deal. She actually moved away and soon as she did, we got a deal. [Laughs] I think it's funny to sort of say, like the first line of the song is "I'm not washed up / And you're not bad luck for anyone," so, you know, get off the ledge, really. And it's just one of those things; it's one of those yearning songs. I think with a lot of those songs there's a certain amount of effort spent on presenting evidence, like, "Look, I know this is how you feel, but look at all the other stuff." It's almost like making a case for your self [in a song]. And like I said, it didn't get me far, but it's still a good venting process. And I sort of realize when I say things like, "I wrote this for her" or whatever, it's not really for her. It's more self-indulgent to get this stuff out. And in a way you're saying, "Yeah, I wrote this song for you," but no, you wrote it for yourself so you could say things that you felt like saying. So I realize that and I think I realized that while I was writing them, but my job is to write songs so you take from what's around you to make it happen.
submitted by ggwplucky to AbandonedPools [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 10:02 Any-Message9470 Advice on interacting/confessing to a crush with a boyfriend

Hello, I recently moved to a whole new place where I don't know anybody but have managed to make a few friends that I connect well with and attend the same community club together.
This place is the straight up countryside so there aren't that many people in general in the same age range as me (26 M), but I happened to meet a girl that I felt like I connected particularly well with. we haven't gone on any dates or anything but the few times we have been alone together I have a lot of fun and can be open with her. Her friend told me that she has a long distance boyfriend, but the friend and the girl herself has told me that he's not that great a guy and that she is having issues with him such as him badmouthing things she likes, the girl herself, and is overall just an immature guy when it comes to relationships (they've been dating for around 1-2 months now at this point.
The girl has told me that when he came to visit and stay at her place, she told the guy she wanted to break up with him, that he started to cry and beg for her not to leave and that he'll change and what not, and because shes just a nice person overall and felt bad, they decided to keep the relationship going but has told me herself that if feelings don't come back to her that she's going to break up with him.
When we are together, its very fun and it feels like she often flirts with me and laughs at my jokes even when they aren't funny. She comes close to me to look at my phone (like faces inches apart), puts her hand on my thigh when we talk, and very casual flirty skinship like that. But my problem is that she's still with her boyfriend and cheating is out of the question for me and something I promised I'd never do or make anyone do after my last relationship where my ex cheated on me. I'm planning to tell her how I feel, but in a way that doesn't put pressure on her and force her into a kind of decision where she has to choose between me and the other guy. I'm going to make it clear that if she wants me to give up any romantic feelings that I will and we can continue to just be friends that hang out together in groups, but if she wants me to wait for her to break things off with her bf, i will wait.
I want to think that I've already decided to do this, but I also wanted to anonymously post about my situation and hear what others have to say about this particular situation or any others that have been in similar situations.
submitted by Any-Message9470 to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 10:00 Longjumping_Chain338 AITAH for moving on quickly after the break-up

I am a 20-year-old guy. I was in a long-distance relationship that got very toxic, and we broke up in April. My girlfriend (19) was preparing for her exams, and I was also looking for jobs. I got a good internship at a good company, but she was still struggling with her preparation. I always helped her with her math. We were having so many fights; she always brought up breaking up and blamed me for everything in our relationship.
Just as I was about to start my new internship and move to a new city, we got into another fight because I wanted to talk to her, but she didn't and just went to sleep, ignoring me. After that fight, I tried to fix things, but she kept saying we couldn't stay together and that we were not compatible. Similar things had happened in the past, where we had a break just before I started my previous internship, and I cried for 10 days straight, telling her I was sorry. In the end, she said, "I love you, let's give us another chance." Due to that experience, I didn't want to repeat the same for this opportunity too. I said, "Fine, let's break up," because I was so devastated and had tried everything to fix our relationship. At that moment, I felt like I couldn't do anything alone. She was also worried about her exams, and I didn't want her preparation to be affected by me, so I said let's take a break.
As days passed, I avoided contacting her. Then a situation arose on my end: my university was having problems with me switching my internship, and they said they were going to detain me for the semester. It got very serious, so I had to work from home and travel quickly to my university. I told her about this, but she was very cold and showed no reaction. I thought she would say something different, but she didn't. I booked a flight immediately and traveled that night. On my way after the flight, my phone got stolen in the metro. At my university, the situation was also not good. Despite all this, I thought she would call me and speak with me, but she didn't. I didn't want to disturb her because her exam was in two days. I waited, thinking I would talk to her after her exam.
My university was pressuring me so much that I couldn't do my work. I didn't have a phone, and my university was not listening to me. There was no solution at that time, and I was feeling very down. The day of her exam came, and I texted her to ask how it went. She said, "Not so good." I told her it was okay and not to worry, that she tried her best, and I motivated her. She thanked me, and then I asked if we could talk. She said no because she wasn't in a good mood, and I wasn't either. I insisted that we should talk to avoid things getting worse between us, but she refused. We had a call where she wasn't paying attention to me. When I told her I wasn't fine and needed to talk, she said nothing. My phone's battery drained very fast, so I texted her how much I wanted to talk to her and how much I needed her, but she didn't reciprocate.
I eventually gave up and texted her some harsh things to get a reaction out of her, and she finally started replying, which was kind of funny. I apologized immediately and continued to apologize the next day and the day after that. I suggested taking a break and then getting back together, but she said no to every possibility. I concluded that it was over.
I felt like, what's the point of this relationship if she can't help me in such a situation? I was there for her, but she was not there for me.
I waited a week, hoping she would message me, but she didn't. Then I thought I should visit her next month after getting my salary. I was very anxious at that time. I tried to speak to her, but she again said no. After that, I was very confused. A friend of mine told me, "Bro, do whatever gives you peace." At that moment, I realized that even if I visited her, things wouldn't change because I was ready, but she was not. I realized I had been dumped, and I had anxiety attacks and other issues. I also had to perform at my job, and everything was very messy. She blocked me during all this time.
After two weeks, I realized I should move on. I started talking to a girl I met on a dating app. We had night-long calls, and she seemed cool. She was into art, and I felt like I wanted to learn art to express myself. I thought of dating her to see where things would go. For our first date, she invited me to her place, which was weird, but I didn't think much of it because if something bad happened to me, I would be fine with that (I was suicidal). We watched a movie, and before I left, she moved close to me, and we kissed. After that, I asked more about her past relationships, which were not that great.
I suddenly realized what a mistake I made because I knew I wasn't going to stay with her long. On our second date, I conveyed this to her, and she said it was fine. She also didn't want any attachments and just wanted to go with the flow. We made out again (no intercourse). After the second date, my guilt got to me, and I told her I couldn't be physical with her if we weren't going to be together because I didn't want that. She said, "Chill, it's okay, we're both having fun," but I stopped talking to her. However, the guilt of moving on too quickly and the realization that I wasn't going to be with my ex ever hit me hard.
I felt like I had lost all my chances. My ex was the love of my life, and now I realize she just needed time to work on herself. If I had been patient, everything might have been fine. After a few days, I had a call with my ex, breaking the no-contact rule, and it turned into an argument. The next day, she called me, apologizing for her mistakes. After that call, I started having feelings for her again. I got desperate and forgot all the bad things that had happened in the past. But I didn't have the courage to tell her what I had done in the meantime. I told her I was very confused and wanted her back, even though I hated her a few days ago.
I was getting very messy. She told me we couldn't be together, that she didn't want to give me hope, and that we should work on ourselves and see what happens. I agreed. We both had an unspoken plan to meet after 3-4 months once she got into college. But the guilt of making out with another girl got to me, along with the hope of getting back with my ex and the thought that she might not change.
I wanted to kill that hope. At first, I thought I would confess to her when we met, but I didn't want to be stuck on that thought for months. One day, she messaged me, and I told her everything. She hung up the call and blocked me. The next day, I called her from my friend's phone and apologized. I said I was very confused about what I wanted and that I didn't know what I was doing. I asked her not to think of me as a bad person and to forgive me. She said I should have waited and that I am the kind of person who moves on easily. She hung up the call again. And here I am.
TLDR: Am I the asshole for moving on from my girlfriend who wanted me to move on from her? She said lots of heartbreaking things to me at the end, and I gave up and moved on too quickly, which I regret now.
submitted by Longjumping_Chain338 to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:59 createdjustforthis23 19/05/2024

I slept fine, I didn’t fall asleep so nicely. I don’t know why, I felt perfectly adequate all evening and then bam I cry myself to sleep. I don’t know how or why, and I didn’t even cry over anything in particular it was just any and everything. And I just kept crying and crying, like a baby. I had to switch pillows twice because I drenched it, but I got to sleep on my favourite pillow by the time I was almost asleep thankfully. I can be so picky with pillows, another thing mum tends to call me, even to this day - the princess and the pea. Or rather she likens me to her… I can’t entirely say I disagree tbh. I just like things a particular way, not all things, I can be relaxed about plenty, but there are some things I just to be just so. My pillows when I sleep for example, how the dishwasher top rack is stacked etc. Entirely inconsequential things really. But anyway. I didn’t fall asleep so nicely. I woke up feeling better, still a bit sad but nothing I couldn’t ignore.
It’s now 12:58pm and I’ve done next to nothing. I’ve been watching BT, I’m not writing the name of the show because I feel like that might be search heavy at the moment? So I’ve been watching that, I’m midway through the third episode now and there are four out so far. I’ve also painted some of my lil clay things with primer. And that’s about it. I really need to clean and tidy my room but the idea of it… ugh. I don’t want to :(
I’m loving BT so much. I like the stories and characters and stuff, but I mostly love the sets and costumes. They’re just so luxuriously opulent and uggghhhhhhh I want to just stare it all. Sometimes I wish they would clear out the cast and just give us a tour of the rooms and show all the details of the gowns. But like I learned in therapy, beauty is something I value highly, not in a vain way but in the way I utterly adore beautiful things whether it be a stunningly ornate wallpaper, a sparkly bead encrusted gown or even a leaf that is the perfect shade of green. I just love it all and it brings me so much joy, more than I realised now that I’m conscious of this value of mine. But the BT house itself, particularly the drawing room ommmmgggg. The blue? I think it’s called wedgewood blue from memory, with the creamy/white detailing. And all the light streaming through. It’s so dreamy. And it makes me love my blue and white bedroom more. And the gowns!!!!!!! I wish I could roll around in them, they’re so sparkly and detailed and beyond beautiful. Particularly the ones crusted in beading and with the luxurious silks and satins and velvets and taffetas and organza and all of it. And the colours! It’s all so dreamy. I don’t overly love the style of a lot of the gowns, that sort of empire line, mainly because it only looks good on women with fewer curves and a flatter chest, they can look gorrrrrrrgeous in them. But otherwise if you have any kind of cleavage it looks so weird and bleh. I love Penelope so much, she’s always been a favourite character and she honestly deserves the very best. And Colin definitely got a glow up prior to this season. His brown coat is so delicious. I’m beginning to wonder if I should read the series…? I do love a lil historical romance. Anyway I don’t even Penelope and Colin to end up together, I mean Lord Debling is so lovely and Colin is off sleeping with hookers… like? Then again I know I am wrong in how I think and feel about all of this. I know I have expectations ghat are unfair, I mean maybe not for everyone but if I’m nothing special and therefore not enough then can I criticise. This doesn’t make sense. Anyway. Actually nevermind I just watched the fourth episode and I am very much Team Colin. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!!!!! But now I have to wait for part two in mid June :(
I’m going to the office tomorrow. I don’t want to. But oh well. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get back in twice a week - I’ve been slack with it and it doesn’t help me become better. Leaving the house more is important, so this shall be one of the ways. I’m also going to get some new sneakers and a walking jacket so I can go for walks more regularly. I’d like to go several times a week, but I’ll work up to that. I love my walks, I love them a lot but I just get filled with every negative emotion when I go for them around my house, to the point I’ll start having tears running down my cheeks or shaky trembly hands - it’s pathetic. I think environment is everything, and purpose. When I walk pups at my parents I don’t feel these things, I’ll be a little anxy but nothing I can’t manage. But here? It’s so hard. It’s so stupid I know. But I love walking, I feel better when I do it regularly, so I shall keep forcing myself to do it until I feel okay about it. I know this is what I have to do, but the way it makes me feel inside… it never feels worth it. To be 20 minutes walk from home and feel on the verge of a panic attack is NOT a good feeling and it only makes my panic worsen. So baby steps. I’ve been considering on and off moving to a different area, I think I would feel more comfortable in other areas, I don’t know why I don’t here but I don’t. But moving elsewhere is no different to running from problems so I will sort it out here.
I broke his little bowl. I didn’t mean to :( I feel kind of upset about it, it’s been two weeks in the making with time to shape, dry, prime and I was doing a final layer of primer pre paint and my stupid finger went through the base. So I guess it would never have been a good present anyway because it broke so easily. But I bought a really pretty coloured paint because I thought he might like it and I just feel upset. I showed him it, idk why, I just messaged him a picture of it now and I already wish I hadn’t. I shouldn’t have even made anything for him in the first place, he’s made it abundantly clear he doesn’t care for homemade things - cards, presents, whatever. If he did like them he would comment on them, and he never does, so maybe it’s a good thing this broke. I just like sharing things with him, like when I draw and I like a tree I’ve drawn I want to show him, except I don’t because I’m utterly rubbish at drawing and it makes me look like a five year old. I at least appreciate his honesty, or transparency rather. It means I can understand what he does and doesn’t like. I just think his likes don’t mesh with my like of making homemade cards and presents. It’s not like I only give him that though. Anyway it doesn’t matter, plus it’s probably better for me to not share things like this given I don’t have any skill or natural talent with it. Just because you enjoy something doesn’t make you good at it.
I don’t feel so great this afternoon, mood wise.
I’ve done the absolute bare minimum with my room, and the bar was set very, very low today. I tidied the floor up a bit, I made my bed, did a lazy tidy of my vanity desk thing.. that’s about it. I’ll do more across the week.
I feel.. detached today. This afternoon, rather. I know I love my family, Andy, puppy… etc. I just can’t feel it. I know it’s all in there, but I feel detached and I can’t reach it. This isn’t unusual, I just always try to describe the feeling and always fail. I think knowing I care but not being able to feel myself care sums it up as well as I’ll ever be able to.
I found a little notebook of my early days of therapy, well with this current one, maybe not that early actually but idk. It was just me writing down who I am. The first is “I am a human” because I had to start with the basics. The last line is “I try my best to be friendly” - I think I will continue with this. No one really comments much on me so I will just write it as things feel write. From memory it was also a way to force myself to speak more kindly to myself, ie I am a woman vs I am a monster. And things like I’m generous, I love animals, I am quiet, I try to be patient, I love romance, I appreciate attention to detail, I like to care for others, I am a homebody, I love reading etc. And then scattered amongst it was some honesty, like I can be a control freak, I am quite particular about some things, I am indecisive, I am sensitive etc. And then next to I am a friend I have a question mark. But I want to continue writing these things, I think it’s helpful when I feel lost in myself to be able to read through a list of things I’ve written and be reminded. That sounds so silly to not know who you are sometimes, but sometimes I just feel so unbelievably lost and unmoored from everything, even myself. So I’ll write all the good things, and the bad. I’ll write things that I like, things that I don’t. I’ll write things I want in my life, things I feel like I should want but don’t, things I shouldn’t want but do etc etc etc. It’ll be a little tiny notebook of everything me. I wonder if sometimes it’s possible for me to get any lamer? Unlikely.
I’ve been thinking about stopping journaling here more and more. I get more out of posting it here, it feels like a release, like I’m letting all the thoughts go which is especially helpful with my negative ones, I don’t know.
It’s 5:23pm. I need to wash and blowdry my hair, as it’s still damp in the morning lately. I need to have something for dinner, I guess. I’ve been struggling with eating lately, I feel so ugly and it makes me not want to eat and then that sets off a bad string of things. I’ll have something little, vegemite toast maybe. I need to pack my bag for tomorrow. And that’s it.
I feel better after a shower and chat with Andy, I still feel not good but he perked me up on the outside. He makes me laugh so much :) It’s kind of weird to think I’ll be living long term in Australia, like I’ve always intended on living there - until my mental health and covid messed things up a little for me timeline wise. But to think I’ll maybe say Australian things…? That I’ll say thongs? And I definitely will because I cave quickly, like I was only in the UK two years and I said crisps and trainers and I still do to this day, which I’m actively trying to stop. I wonder what my accent would sound like after like ten years… I really doubt I’d ever lose my accent. It’s funny how I do probably sound a bit different when talking to him versus my mum. I just talk more softly with him, I naturally do anyway to the point I have people comment semi regularly on how soft spoken I am, but idk, I don’t even mean to speak to him a certain way, I just do? And then he hears me talking to mum and I probably sound like I’m wearing Jandals and stubbies while loading up the ute as I prepare for a tramp in the bush. Christ. I do love being from here though, in theory I would rather we live here than Australia, and never say never… but it makes more sense to be there. I don’t really have anyone here other than my parents whereas he has family and friends and his payments and all of it. I don’t really have any ties here. Anyway.
I get to spend time with him tonight :) Night night
submitted by createdjustforthis23 to u/createdjustforthis23 [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:50 transitorydreams Lestat’s letter

“Do not waist life…”
Oh Lestat, the illiterate boy & young man you were; so desperate to learn & be good, with a Mother for whom knowledge & escape through books was her only solace… who couldn’t even be bothered to teach you the alphabet.
Now, with your preternatural skills, you can read & write & do any thing you wish… but of course - it makes sense that you would never have entirely learned how to spell, or at least that there’d be the odd, common words you didn’t know. (Occurred is also spelled incorrectly.)
Little details, breaking my heart even more.
Thank you everyone for caring so much, you thought about the spelling of Lestat’s letter. I noticed. I care about every tiny detail like this & feel it, like love: deep in my soul.
Also: is Dreamstat really going to make me cry in every single episode of season 2, even when he’s barely in the episode for a breath?! He made me cry in episode 1, and here too.
Oh Louis: to read this letter & all your internal pain & shame & sorrow & guilt & love to deepen, I’m sure even more. Oh Sam, how you spoke the letter. Oh Lestat’s outfit, from their first “date”….
(I have much more to say on the episode, which I’ll do in the episode thread, but for now… I just loved this little detail…)
submitted by transitorydreams to InterviewVampire [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:47 PrincipleEconomy4464 I freaking hated season 3

  1. 4 FREAKING EPISODES WHATTT?? And in part 2 they are already married
  2. The whole plot didn’t even seem like friends to lovers in the book the progression from friendship to love was soft and sweet the way Colin slowly realised that he was indeed in love with pen was done so well Colin had always loved her he loved her mind the way she spoke about certain things and the way they shared witty comments near lady Danbury you saw their chemistry so clearly. BUT NETFLIX decided let’s change all of that keep the steamy scenes in.
It’s like they read the book and was like “I’ve got a better idea” let’s add in a suitor for Penelope (which i really don’t mind I loved the guy) to MAKE Colin OPEN his EYES that Penelope is intact worthy of his romantic feelings because he would never ever be able to see her in that kind of way if another guy doesn’t come in and sees Penelope that way to show him that Penelope is a WOKAN ( A FREAKING HOT ONE AT THAT)
What even pissed me more off was the carriage scene ( don’t even get me started) the way he instantly invited her to his house and was like “are you going to marry me or not” (LIKE WHAT) in the previous seasons we got much more in-depth about the other characters love stories and much better progress and we only saw the main characters point of view we understood their feelings their yearn for each other as well as home life and how they helped each other to overcome it. This season is like a child playing with mud and splatting it everywhere that’s it just a child playing with mud. THIS SEASON HOWEVER they tried to include others like violet and Francesca (which I loved her and John sterling 😩🫶🏾) which made the main characters seem like the other characters. WHERE IS the main character energy shonda???
The only other good thing that came out o this season was Penelope’s DRESSES AND OUTFITS MY GIRL ATE DOWN SHE WAS THE BEST DRESSED her having her hair down ( 30 INCH BUSS DOWN INDEED MY LOVE 😩🫶🏾) which made her stand out as only your husband could see you with your hair down in that era. She shows that she is only following her own rules but with the new life she wants for herself her habits still hold her down such as having difficulty speaking with others as she has only been a wall flower most of her life ( good job shonda ig 🙄) the good parts however with this show was very few it felt like being served with the most disgusting food ever in a luxurious restaurant but the only good thing with this restaurant is just your drink so you shove the food down because you skipped breakfast as this restaurant was recommended by others for having amazing good food and you drink the drink to only keep the food down.
Overall this was such a disappointment and Penelope should be our president.
submitted by PrincipleEconomy4464 to BridgertonNetflix [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:47 jakwen I don’t know how to make friends or how to get a girlfriend

I was originally going to post this is dating_advice but I kept going on into my problems so I think I need some different kind of help (i copy pasted the text I was writing there here, but also kept typing on it.) Halfway through I start talking a lot about my family so that’s not as relevant. Also this is an alt account because I wanted to be anonymous while posting this. I tried formatting it by different issues I guess. I formatted it after writing and i’m on phone (i’m trying to follow the community rules. Lemme know if this is acceptable or not):
(Intro and main topic) ———————————— • As of last year i’m a freshman in college just finishing up the second semester and I haven’t even made a single friend in college. Well I have met and talked to some people but the connection isn’t all too deep. It’s like we would call each other friends because we see each other “sometimes” but it’s not like we hang out for the sake of hanging out if that makes sense. So this entire year of college I haven’t made a single friend. This problem of not being able to approach people extends to my inability to find a girlfriend. I’ve never been in a relationship like that so i’m not even sure I would make a good boyfriend. But I know i’m longing for deeper connections with new friends or a girlfriend. I’ve never tried approaching someone or asking someone to go on a date. Except one time in high school where I thought I had feelings for someone but I’m still unsure I even did. I texted them asking them on a movie date but they said no. It was upsetting a little bit and made things awkward because I was unsure how to talk to them after that but I also wasn’t that worried about it later.
(Why approaching people is hard) ———————————— • Sometimes I think about approaching someone but then I think that there’s no point. The interaction won’t go anywhere besides a couple little back and forths and then we’ll never talk again. Or lots of times never see each other again. Why should I say anything. I end up overthinking like this until the chance is gone. I tend to keep to myself a lot.
(Personal issues I guess) ———————————— • I think I have social anxiety. I don’t like places with a lot of people so it makes approaching even harder because if I say something stupid other people will hear. Since middle school i’ve been conscious of my volume thinking other people might listen in on my conversations with others. It’s easier to talk to people one on one. It made it hard to be myself to the point I didn’t know how to be myself. I acted like other people. Adopting their mannerisms because I thought it would help me fit in. One time I got called out on it and I felt.. despair I guess. They didn’t directly say why I acted like that but they did point out that I acted like someone else specifically they said “you’re not (person’s name)”. I try not to act like others. I feel like I’m a boring person to others because I can be very quiet. I try and balance this by speaking confidently on the rare times I use my voice.
(Why I don’t think I can get a girlfriend or be a good boyfriend) ———————————— • Back tracking to the relationship thing. I also don’t know if i’m even worthy of having a girlfriend. As i’m writing this i’m trying to find the words to defend that sentence because I know everyone is worthy of love and I know that what I wrote is wrong but all I have is the reasons I feel like this. I’m already 18 and I don’t feel like i’ve matured enough to deserve a girlfriend. I’ve never had a job, I don’t have my license, and it’s embarrassing to admit but I live with my grandparents because they live 10 min away from campus. Maybe if I was really good looking or something none of that stuff would matter but i’m just average. Not fat, not muscular, just skinny and kind of short but I am pretty athletic actually but I have asthma (my body is a system of checks and balances). I’m taller than my dad who’s kind of my role-model so that gives me a confidence boost.
(Why i’m grateful for my family/not as relevant) ———————————— • I don’t see my dad a lot (only in the summers) but he’s an amazing father and I want to be just like him when have children someday. I can’t help crying right now. I’m very thankful to all of my caring family. Even if I can’t make friends I know every single one of them will always be there for me. I know not everyone is as lucky with the family they are born into and I cherish the connections I have with them. I’ve been told many times by them that they’d accept me for who I am no matter what. Just recently I had some awful news that was difficult to tell my mother but she didn’t get angry like I thought. She just said calmly that she’s glad I told her and then she comforted me about it. I’m so glad my dad taught me the importance of honesty and owning up to my mistakes quickly. I’m sorry if this is off topic but I just suddenly feel like I need to give them thanks. I will always be connected to my brothers and sisters as we grow older. When I lived with my mom over the school years I always had a best friend but when we drifted more and more apart I felt more alone. I couldn’t make that connection with anyone else again. We’re still friends but I can’t honestly call him my best friend. We were friends in elementary and middle school is when we drifted apart. Still close then but not as close as I thought especially because now we went to the same school(in elementary we didn’t). So i’m very grateful for being able to understand the experience of being an only child when I lived with my mother and the experience of having siblings when I was with my dad. It makes me grateful for my siblings because i know i’ll never be alone in the world. Not truly. My mom eventually gave me sisters when I was 12 and I love them to death.
submitted by jakwen to therapy [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:43 lovebreedingalot 28 [M4F] #Germany/Open to all - Looking for a long term partner to build a highly affectionate and loving relationship. Let's build a develop, caring and passionate relationship together!

I want a mutually nurturing and fulfilling long-term, monogamous, in-person relationship. A kinky relationship with amazing and passionate sex, adventures and romantic date nights. I consider myself as a caring, kind and rather soft person with a vivid fantasy.
In a perfect scenario my partner would be also someone i could consider as my soulmate, my best friends and docile sub. I do not want any drama, constant arguing or be the one carrying the conversations. No drama, no stress, no hectic and no nonsense.
Honesty, loyalty and respect are what I value the most. A romantic relationship is based on mutual acceptance and appreciation in my view. Communication is very important so you should be able to write proper sentences, reply within a timely manner.
A great character and a strong personality are what I want. I do understand that the visual appearance also plays a significant role but let me assure you, that the optical part is very low on my priority list — the sympathy and chemistry in between us needs to match. I do not have a age preference either. I am simply looking to create a deep connection between two people.
I want to start slowly and take the time to get to know you, your kinks, your fantasies, your character, your expectations and how you see yourself in a relationship. All that I want is someone who understands and accepts me and doesn't pretend to be someone else. Just be yourself, uncensored and raw.
Brief description about myself:
Very tall (190cm/6"2), blue eyes, blonde hair, wide shoulders, beard and wear glasses. Don't smoke or drink any alcohol.
INFJ Personality, very calm and an old soul, well educated, traveled around the work and well structured life.
If you reach out to me, please send me a Reddit chat request right away, i normally reply there quite fast. And if you do, please make sure to introduce yourself, just a "Hi" looks awkward. Please cover all the basics such as your sex, location, age and good introduction (kinks, fantasies, expectations, limits, goals for the future and so on).
submitted by lovebreedingalot to ImpregPersonalsLTR [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:31 Fun_Sun2481 Im 19 im 5’5 i have narcissistic tendencies i have problems with empathy and im extremely lonely and honestly feeling hopeless and desperate for intimacy how do i fix/cope with this.

I have my fair share of problems and insecurities that i deal with everyday like everyone else but everytime i try to talk about them i always feel like what im saying is stupid invalid and i always feel unfulfilled after i poorly convey what im feeling. I dont know how to cope with these problems. 1. My loneliness My loneliness has always been a problem. Its made me depressed anxious desperate and its made me an attention seeker. In any social situation im always trying to get all the attention on me by making jokes or saying the most outrageous lies so people will see me and when they dont i feel bad. My friends always call me out on my attention seeking and i never let them know it bothers me but it does. I feel small and i want to be noticed and wanted and desired but nobody feels that for me. I always go out of my way to talk and call people but its hardly ever reciprocated and that makes me feel even worse. It also doesnt help that i have trouble with women. I crave intimacy with women who i have romantic interest in platonic interest in and even no interest in and its lead me to get with some questionable women just because im so desperate, i dont even care half the time. And when i do luck out and have a relationship with a girl its always short toxic or unfulfilling. Majority of the time its my fault for that because when i do land a good thing with a girl i treat them horribly like i dont care if they leave me or not but i always regret it because when theyre gone i feel even more alone but i often ignore the fact that it ended because of me which leads me to my narcissist tendencies 2. My narcissism Every relationship I’ve ever been in has ended because I treat them horribly and I see no problem with it. I always believe that there’s nothing wrong with the way that I treat these women and it often falls on my friends to help me realize what I’ve done wrong, because I often feel like I have done no wrong to them and it confuses me when they leave me. Ive said some horrible things, and done horrible things to alot of sweet girls all because of my nonchalant i dont care attitude and it always back fires on me in the end because i always feel alone and desperate after the fact. Im my own worst enemy it’s not even with women it’s with my friends to. I say horrible things just for the sake of being horrible and when they get upset at me, it’s almost like an instinct for me to believe that they’re being sensitive and I’m not wrong for what I did or said, what is wrong with me I’ve learned a little bit, but the narcissism is still there 3. My empathy or lack there of I’ve heard that narcissists have lots of problems with empathy, and I most definitely have a lack of empathy for others around me. I’ve always had trouble feeling for other people and understanding how my actions affect others and it’s ruined a lot of relationships that I’ve had with people and women. just the other day my friends were talking to me about how I don’t ever think about how what I do affects others around me and I’m not sure if it’s because I just don’t care or if it’s like an inability to and it’s also confuses me. I try sometimes to feel for other people, but I often feel like it’s superficial like I don’t understand why they’re mad but I see why they’re mad so it makes me feel bad and if i care enough ill apologize. Growing up affection and emotions were never some things that were important and I’d say 90% of my childhood. None of that was ever expressed. I’m not sure if that’s a factor of why I have problems empathizing with people but I’m sure it’s a reason one of them at least. I have ADHD, and I’ve often thought that I am on the spectrum because emotional intelligence has never been my strong suit. It used to be even worse years ago, but I’ve had a lot of bad experiences that have allowed me to learn, but it’s still not enough. And it makes me sad because I do care for the people around me and how they view me but When I feel like I’ve been called out, I get defensive and I get mean and I say things that I shouldn’t have but I’m so caught up in my own emotions that I see no wrong with what I’ve done because I’m trying to make them feel worse than how I do 4. My insecurity with my height I am extremely insecure with my height. All my friends are tall and I am so jealous of them. It makes me honestly kind of resent them and when they tell me their problems, I often think how could you feel this bad when you’ve been gifted with height? I try not to think about it, but I think about it all the time when I go out when I hang out with my friends before I go to bed when I wake up when I go to work when I go to school when I look at my parents when I look at my siblings. It follows me everywhere. I feel small like I don’t matter because I am small and I don’t know how to cope with that because I can’t change it. I’m sure that it’s a big factor for my attention, seeking because. when I’m with my friends that are tall there and noticed, and they do it effortlessly, but for me, I feel like I have to try to be noticed by being a fool I’m self-destructive, because I am insecure when people call me out on my bullshit a double down and I try to find anything that I could use to hurt them. It doesn’t matter if they trusted me with the information and when they are hurt because of me, I don’t care because they make me feel insecure and I try not to let them know that Which makes me look like an even bigger piece of shit because that’s how a lot of people know Me. People either think of me as autistic,a fool, A liar, a narcissist, a piece of shit and attention seeking a little kid or whatever else I don’t know. what do I do 5. What do i do How do I talk with this the loneliness the desperation, the narcissism the empathy, the insecurity how am I supposed to fight that I’ve done a lot of things I’ve isolated myself I’ve tried not to think about it. I’ve poured myself in the weed. I’ve talked about it I’ve cried about it. I’ve written about it, but nothing ever helps in at the end of the day I’m still the same. I don’t want to feel like this anymore I don’t wanna feel hopeless and like I hate myself I don’t wanna feel alone anymore. I don’t know what else to do these last couple of years. I’ve just been ignoring it because I’ve been surrounded by friends but now it’s just me and I can’t help to think about how lonely I am, and how desperate I am for any kind of intimacy I don’t want to get bad like I used to be but I’m kinda afraid that I will because sooner or later If I keep feeling like I am hopelessly alone, I’m gonna start acting reckless like I used to getting depressed but what are you guys think? Any advice or help? I just don’t know where else to turn. Thanks. This is a lot I’m sorry.
submitted by Fun_Sun2481 to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:31 OkBeyond8076 AITA for snapping at my mom and calling her crazy+psychotic?

I have a 5 year old son, Sam.
Sam gets ill very easily and feels down a lot. He becomes very clingy and tired during these episodes. I don’t need medical advice, we know why this happens and are dealing accordingly.
Anyways, my mom isn’t a very… soft person. She essentially raised me and my brothers to be very strong and independent so my affectionate and cuddly behaviour with my child isn’t something she agrees with. However, he is not her child so she doesn’t say anything.
She invited me and my brothers families for dinner the other night and while we were there, Sam started to feel down and laid down on my lap. He was playing with my nieces (8 and 10) and just stopped and ran to me which surprised them. The girls got over it after my brother told them Sam was tired but my mom seemed moody.
I didn’t want to start anything so I was fine ignoring her but she said “you know that isn’t healthy right?” I explained to her that we know what we’re doing and do not need her advice. She sort of rolled her eyes and then said “Well I still think this is all very odd.” She then clapped her hands near my son’s head to try and wake him up which startled him and he began to cry. This seemed to bother my mom some more because “how weak hearted is he that a small clap brings him to tears.”
I was pretty angry at this point so I called my husband over (he was sitting in the garden with my brothers), told him we were leaving and gave Sam to him while I collected my things. She then started making “jokes” about how her granddaughters are “manlier” than her grandson and I just snapped and told my mom that she needs to shut the fuck up and that the way she treats children is borderline psychotic. I then basically called her crazy before storming out.
My mom’s been spamming me with texts calling me a drama queen and saying that I had no right to call her psychotic because she raised me and my brothers well. She’s also saying I’m missing the point and am too sensitive. My one SIL is saying I should apologize and that there is no reason for me to be so dramatic. AITA?
submitted by OkBeyond8076 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:28 Automatic_Divide_623 AITA for not talking to my cousin?

Sorry if this doesn't make sense English isn't my first language.
2 years ago I moved in with my cousin, her husband, and there 2 kids. All was going, I helped with chores, baby sat for them plenty of times, and even cooked dinner or lunch when they were too tired to cook, I tried my best to be helpful around the house since I didn't have a job, I tried getting a job but every where I went they turned me down. It all went down hill when my other cousin passed away, I was devastated when I got the call from my sister, when I got the call I cried for a while till I fell asleep, when I woke up I just cried more, after I went to bathroom to wash my face, not long after my cousin noticed I was crying and asked if I was okay, I told her that my other cousin passed away and I couldn't even finish my sentence cause of my crying, she comforted me for and told me she was there for me and would do anything I needed from her. I later went to go see how my uncle was doing, my cousin drove me to go see them. I visited my uncle for a bit and went home. My cousin's husband drove me home since she was at work. The next would be planning the funeral. And the day after that they would be moving the body to the church, I had to meet up with my uncle, dad and other family members, so I asked my cousin to drive me, she seemed a little annoyed when she drove me, I felt bad for asking. Next few days family was still planning the funeral. And the night before the funeral I had asked for ride to the funeral, they didn't really answer my question. I couldn't sleep that night, so when it came to the time I should be leaving for the funeral they weren't awake, I waited 20 more minutes for them, still asleep so I decided to walk, it was a 40 minute walk for me. I was hesitant to walk, but I also didn't want to wake them up just for a ride I didn't want to annoy them. I also couldn't ask my dad or uncle for ride as they were already at the church and they don't have service or wifi there. The funeral went by, and before I knew it was 5pm, I had asked my cousin for ride back but she didn't answer . Since she didn't answer me I wait a few hours at the church until one of my other family members was able to drive me home, I got home late and was exhausted so I went straight to bed, I woke up around midnight and just laid there for bit, I couldn't believe that my cousin had passed away, I again was crying, soon later I stopped crying and start scrolling on my phone since I wasn't on it as much that week, and then my cousin walked in my room and asked how the funeral went, I said went fine, and she started a small conversation, that lead her to saying that she wants to spend time with her husband that next morning, she basically hinted that she wanted me to babysit for them the next morning, I was shocked that she said that because I had just gotten home a few hrs before from my other cousin's funeral.But the next morning they didn't do as they planned. A few hours later my mom had texted me and asked if I wanted to go out to eat I said yes, as I thought it would be good for me to get out. I went out to eat with my mom, i went home with leftovers since I couldn't eat all of it. I fell asleep once again when I got home, and only got a few hours of sleep. I had woken up at midnight, I woke up to my cousin and her husband drinking, and there 2 kids watching tv in there room. Mind you this is the night after my cousins funeral, about an hour later my cousin came into my room and had asked me to babysit there kids and make sure they stay in the room, usually I would say yes but I was hesitant to since I was grieving. She said it's okay that I just could hear out the kids and check in on them every 15 minutes, she then left my room, not even 10 minutes later she came back into my room asked me to sit with the kids, again I was hesitant to say yes, but I just said fine since it was alr kate at night and thought the kids would go sleep soon, 1 hour later kids still awake...2 hours later kids still awake...3 hours later kids are still awake...4 hours later kids are still awake... 5 HOURS later kids are finally sleeping. The WHOLE TIME I was with the kids my cousin and her husband were drinking. Safe to say I was pissed, I finally went to sleep too, I woke up late in the afternoon since I was up late babysitting. I was hungry so I went to go heat up my food I had brought home the day before. My cousin walked pasted the kitchen and saw me and came to say hi to me, I said nothing as I was mad at her for basically pushing me to babysit for her while I was grieving, she tried starting a conversation but she noticed I wasn't saying anything to her, she asked if I was okay, I just said nothing and as soon as my food was done heating up I walked away back to my room. I know this may seem childish but I was mad at her for pushing me to babysit for her while she n her husband drink, she knows I can't say not to them. I gave her and her husband the cold shoulder the next few days, up until I went to go visit my uncle, I stayed with him for the night since I need some time away. I didn't plan on staying with him when I went to visit I just did. I usually babysit for them since there work schedules overlap. But I didn't know if I had to babysit that since they didn't tell me if I needed to, so I decided to stay with my uncle for the night. That may have upset my cousin a bit cause when I went back she kept asking what's wrong with me, I said nothing. The next day my sister in-law who is very pregnant started labour. I wanted to be with her since me and her are very close. So I went with my mom to go be there for her. She wasn't dilated enough to give birth yet so we tried walking stairs and walking around all day. That help a little bit, later we went back to my sister-in-laws place so she could rest. While we were at her place I got a text from my cousin, my cousin texted me basically saying that I don't help out, and she gave me a "choice" that I should move out or "help out" more, I was in disbelief I just brust into tears. A few minutes later I had gotten another text from my aunty she had said that my cousin was going around telling people lies about me, I won't say what my cousin was saying about me behind by back since it hurt me she would say that after all I've done for her. I sat there sobbing for what felt like hours, hurt that she would do that to me. I felt like burden sobbing since my sister in law was in the room in early labour. I couldn't help it tho I was just hurt. My sister in law and mom just stood there looking at me, since this was basically the first time in forever they seen me cry like that.I just sat there zoning out, my sister in law stood up for and told my mom what my cousin did to me. My mom didn't say anything. My sister in law went on to say that my cousin shouldn't have done that since I lost my cousin I grew up with. After that my sister in law said I could stay with her. I felt like burden since she was pregnant and could give birth any minute now. But I stayed with her since I didn't know what to do. The next day we went back to the stairs, I stayed on the car since it was close to wifi and I felt like I was gonna have a breakdown. My dad had called me while I was sitting on the car, I told him what happen I couldn't even get through half of it without crying. He told it's going to be okay and to just let it all out, we then talked for bit and I felt better after the call. I went to go see how my sister in law was doing she was tired so went back to her place. She gave birth the next day I was so excited for her , that I forgot what happened with my cousin. But later on my mom pulled me aside and asked what I was gunna do, I told her that I would just move in with my dad. So I did and ever since I did I felt like I have been getting better, but apart of me thinks I should have just talked to my cousin how I was feeling, and what she did upset me, it's just I feel awkward and feel like seeking attention when talking about my feelings. And I feel kind of childish for ignoring her... ever since I moved out I went low contact with her and her husband.
So AITA for not talking to my cousin?
submitted by Automatic_Divide_623 to throwaway1111 [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:27 Vegetable_Bison_9359 Help

I don't know what to do, so I'm trying to get advice on what I should do. So to make the long story short, I'm six days delayed on my period. I've been breaking down from time to time because I already know the possibility of this. I have already thought of everything. My future. The problems I'm going to face. I haven't even learned to love myself yet, so I don't know how I could love another human being 😭 I have self-esteem issues, I even think I have BDD. Plus I'm so afraid of what people would think of me. Especially my boyfriend's family. I think highly of them and I respect them so much. I'm currently living with them, and I can't bear the thought of telling them. I took a PT it came negative but I think I might have taken the test too early so I will be taking another one after a week. My boyfriend, on the other hand, has shown nothing but support and love for me. He told me that if this is what God has given us, then he would take care of me. 😭 This is making me cry so much more because I just recently joined a group of pro-choices that supports abortion on Facebook. Tbh, I'm not sure of what I'm supposed to do. I've seen a lot of horror stories on pregnancy, especially LABOR and I can't imagine myself going through it. 😭 But I think of my boyfriend and I can see how he's willing to support me through it all. I am so torn right now. I still haven't really gotten the official result but I'm expecting the worst! I'm not really fond of kids. And I still think 25 is too young. Plus, I'm worried I might get depressed so much it would affect people around me. But my boyfriend loves me so much 😭 and I do love him too. I was really aiming to be financially stable first before we start a family. But this is all unexpected. I still have bills to pay. I still play games. I'm just not ready. :(
What will you do if you were in my situation?
Please be kind and gentle with me. I'm just so afraid. Thank you.
submitted by Vegetable_Bison_9359 to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:26 kero1o8 I'm lost, devastated, and broken

Hey guys, (23 M) here
I need to share something incredibly personal and ask for your support during this heartbreaking time. I am completely broken and don't know what to do. My soulmate, My everything, My Boyfriend Jordan (20 M), has been diagnosed with testicular cancer not so long ago. Over the past couple of weeks, I've been closely following up with him, long sleepless nights and tough days. He recently had surgery to remove the tumor, but tragically, a couple of hours ago the cancer has spread to his lymph nodes, and there's nothing more they can do about it, at least what we've been told.
Jordan is far away, being treated for cancer in another country away from me. I've been crying for hours—it's devastating. I'm so helpless and poor and shattered into millions of pieces, and it's killing me that I can't even be with him during this critical time no matter how hard I tried and no matter how much I tried to make him feel better, Calls, Texts just trying to help him keep his mind away from it as much as possible, but it's been really, really hard. And yet No one seems to understand the pain I'm in. Jordan is incredibly special to me, and it's killing me that I can't be there for him.
My vision is worsening more than it already is, and I'm utterly exhausted and broken. I haven't slept in days, and the emotional and physical pain is overwhelming.
I desperately want to be with Jordan during this difficult time, but I simply don't even have the financial means to do so. If anyone could possibly …offer support or assistance, it would mean the world to me. Any help to bring me closer to Jordan in any way possible would be a lifeline right now. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any support you can provide. <3
https://imgur.com/8IoniIB
submitted by kero1o8 to reddit_lgbthelp [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:25 BryggerHeise Numerological day analysis of 19-5–2024 23/5 Unconditional Love or ‘Cry for Love’?/ Expansion, Fullness, Order, Inner Motivation, Adventure, Freedom

Numerological day analysis of 19-5–2024 23/5 Unconditional Love or ‘Cry for Love’?/ Expansion, Fullness, Order, Inner Motivation, Adventure, Freedom
Inspired by the ability to Heal - to make things “whole” again- you want to express Unconditional Love today which then leads to feelings of Expansion, Order, Fullness, Adventure and Freedom.
19-5–2024 23/5 Unconditional Love or ‘Cry for Love’?/ Expansion, Fullness, Order, Inner Motivation, Adventure, Freedom
Spirit: 19 Healer factor
Soul: 5 Expansion; Fullness; Inner Motivation; Adventure; Freedom; Order
Body: 24 Day and Night; Light and Darkness
The sum total of today is 23: Unconditional Love leading to 5: Expansion. You want to love unconditionally through your Spirit’s Healer Factor, your soul’s Expansion, Order, Adventure and Freedom and your physical Ability to go through the Night to see the Light of a new day.

Day of the \"Prophet-Preacher\" Archetype Pentagram
Themes
There are three major themes driving your process. The axis of ‘Expansion of Self-Awareness”, the axis of ‘Focus-Fate’ and the axis of ‘Change-Transformation’.
Blue 2- Red 1: Axis of Expansion of Self-Awareness: 2(6)-7(1)
The axis of inner awakening and leadership drives the axis of the expansion of self-awareness. The challenge is to answer the quintessential question: “WHO AM I?’ As It is the second dominant axis in the Pentagram after the central axis, it is imperative in the 15 Pentagram that you work on the expansion of your self-awareness. The two opposing principles are the ‘Healing and Salvation number’ coming from the spiritual level to join with the ‘Visionary’ coming from the physical level. So working on the expansion of your self-awareness brings healing and salvation on the spiritual level which could translate into visionary powers on the physical level. Remember that the 2-7 axis is also called the psycho-somatic axis. If you fail or refuse to work on your self-awareness, it will have its effects on the physical body. Either making you feel depressed, without energy or even allow illnesses to grow.
26: ’Healing and Salvation number’.
Positively your Power -Force drives your Intuition and creates healing and salvation. Negatively it may shatter your intuition completely. The earthly-physical power may at times not accord at all with intuition on the spiritual level. It is a difficult number to live. The solution lies in its sum: When you use the feminine receptive side of you, you may be able to bring those two principles together.
76: ’Visionary’
Visionary is the higher dimension of ‘Insight, the Inner Rising Sun, the new dawn of awareness. Being the visionary, you start to understand -on a physical level here- the spiritual relationships and their origins.
The balance of these two principles lies in their sum: ‘Factor of Justice; Master’. It is the turnaround of the RuleJudge energy and it demands that Self-Awareness guides the Mind. Being a “Master” means having the awareness of being the Co-Creator of one’s own life. It has at its core the healing and salvation part of this axis.
Remember that there is no scientific all-encompassing answer as to Who or What or Why you are. In itself it is a Zen Koan and only you know if you have found the right answer. You do when you the answer resonates with your deep inner feeling of Justice and Mastery.
Blue 4- Blue 9: The axis of Fate, Focus and Concentration: 4(8)-9(3)
The way you relate to others and how you define your relationships drives your focus and concentration. In short: your relationships trigger what you need to let go of and what you need to hold on to. Should you fail to do so, then Fate falls upon you.
The two opposing principles are ‘Karma of the people', coming from the emotional level to join with ‘Spirit of Time, Reformer’ coming from the mental level. You basically want to combine your desire to solve Karma of yourself and others, with your mind awareness of what is actually going on in the world and which reforms are needed.
48: Karma of the People
It deals with the current state of our human development. 4-8 is the Astral-Emotional level in the Pentagram. You want to support yourself and others in resolving their fate. It brings the desire for perfectionism and the will to change. Your warm side (8) wants to invigorate your cold (4) side. It calls for a conscious decision for perseverance, intuiting to accept the light and the dark and merging the masculine and the feminine. The danger is to doubt and to refuse to move on. If you do that, it creates even more Karma.
93: Spirit of Time; Reformer
3-9 is the level of day consciousness n the Pentagram: being wide-awake in the here and now. Here you start to pick up the changes in the Zeitgeist, as you hold here all the accumulated experiences and wisdom of your life (and perhaps previous lives). It seeks the same perfection as in the Karma of the people. It calls for the conscious decision for the awareness that God (or the Divine) manifests itself through us and in us by means of Divine Guidance.
To balance these two principles you must take the conscious decision to learn and receive insights from karma and that those insights lead to focussing your life. It also brings out the “Luck-Monogram”. Once you hit the right focus, Luck will be bestowed upon you.
Blue 5 - Red 4: Axis of Change and Transformation: 59-(10)4
Focus concentration drives your change and transformation. You constantly need to ask yourself: what do I need to let go of and what do I need to hold on to, so that I may advance and create change and transformation in my life? The two opposing principles are the “Ascending Prophet” coming from the physical level to join with “Harshness of Life, Deepest Commitment” coming from the spiritual level. Being on the physical level you become aware that there is more to life than what you can hear, see, smell, taste or touch. On the spiritual level you are aware that the only constant is change-which scares the hell out of you.
59: The Ascending Prophet is still very much in the ‘learning phase’ and thus confronted with the Temptation to either refuse this spiritual calling or to consider as something too special for him and to only concern himself with the external or physical matters of life. The dedication to your own spirituality is the determining factor (in your life as well). If you do commit yourself to that, then from deep within come the conscious insights, which you then want to share, making you a prophet (perhaps against your will)
104: The only constant is ‘change’. Harshness of Life confronts you with that when you desperately try to hold on to what you have and what you know. It feels as if you can only serve progress and transformation through the deepest commitment- without being aware that it is you yourself that blocks the progress and commitment.
If you are able to use your receptive femininity to re-construct and re-new, if you trust your intuition to guide you to (un)deserved Luck and manifest your healing- and saving capacities, then Harshness of Life will give you the insight when to stop and when to transform . Life fulfillment will be the end result.
To balance the two principles you must become wide awake in the here and now and even take that to a higher level. It calls for developing an “awakened divine awareness” in which the only constant is change.
Levels of awareness’
Your spiritual, emotional and physical awareness is high today.
On the spiritual level obtained through ‘Healing and Salvation’ combined with ‘Harshness of Life’.
On the emotional level through ‘People’s Karma’ and ‘Detachment, Redemption’. On the physical level through the ‘Ascending Prophet’ and the ‘Visionary’.
All levels give you the desire to intuitively ‘Know God’ and by manifesting the Divine Connection. In practical terms is means that you listen and act upon your intuition, your insights, your inspiration, your ‘hunches’ as opposed to listening to your instincts.
Triangle
Your spiritual, emotional and physical awareness is further enhanced today by the connection to the 1st principle. It wants you to expand your serving, healing and aiding of others and yourself, with mastery and power at its core.
Quadrants
The spiritual-physical quadrant is again active today. You are actively trying to connect the spiritual world to the physical world. It carries the energy of ‘Transformative Healing and Salvation’ and the energy of ‘Immortal Re-Birth, Renewal’.
Note: If your birthday is today, the topics described above are your topics for 2024. Should a baby be born on this day, then today’s themes are the baby’s life-themes.
See you (virtually) :
(D) Arbeitskreis: 7. Juni Hybrid Zoom - Köln
For a full explanation of the numbers and how to read the Pentagram have a look at my website: www.pentalogie.com
submitted by BryggerHeise to numerology [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:23 BryggerHeise Numerological day analysis of 19-5–2024 23/5 Unconditional Love or ‘Cry for Love’?/ Expansion, Fullness, Order, Inner Motivation, Adventure, Freedom

Numerological day analysis of 19-5–2024 23/5 Unconditional Love or ‘Cry for Love’?/ Expansion, Fullness, Order, Inner Motivation, Adventure, Freedom
Inspired by the ability to Heal - to make things “whole” again- you want to express Unconditional Love today which then leads to feelings of Expansion, Order, Fullness, Adventure and Freedom.
19-5–2024 23/5 Unconditional Love or ‘Cry for Love’?/ Expansion, Fullness, Order, Inner Motivation, Adventure, Freedom
Spirit: 19 Healer factor
Soul: 5 Expansion; Fullness; Inner Motivation; Adventure; Freedom; Order
Body: 24 Day and Night; Light and Darkness
The sum total of today is 23: Unconditional Love leading to 5: Expansion. You want to love unconditionally through your Spirit’s Healer Factor, your soul’s Expansion, Order, Adventure and Freedom and your physical Ability to go through the Night to see the Light of a new day.

Day of the \"Prophet-Preacher\" Archetype Pentagram

Themes
There are three major themes driving your process. The axis of ‘Expansion of Self-Awareness”, the axis of ‘Focus-Fate’ and the axis of ‘Change-Transformation’.
Blue 2- Red 1: Axis of Expansion of Self-Awareness: 2(6)-7(1)
The axis of inner awakening and leadership drives the axis of the expansion of self-awareness. The challenge is to answer the quintessential question: “WHO AM I?’ As It is the second dominant axis in the Pentagram after the central axis, it is imperative in the 15 Pentagram that you work on the expansion of your self-awareness. The two opposing principles are the ‘Healing and Salvation number’ coming from the spiritual level to join with the ‘Visionary’ coming from the physical level. So working on the expansion of your self-awareness brings healing and salvation on the spiritual level which could translate into visionary powers on the physical level. Remember that the 2-7 axis is also called the psycho-somatic axis. If you fail or refuse to work on your self-awareness, it will have its effects on the physical body. Either making you feel depressed, without energy or even allow illnesses to grow.
26: ’Healing and Salvation number’.
Positively your Power -Force drives your Intuition and creates healing and salvation. Negatively it may shatter your intuition completely. The earthly-physical power may at times not accord at all with intuition on the spiritual level. It is a difficult number to live. The solution lies in its sum: When you use the feminine receptive side of you, you may be able to bring those two principles together.
76: ’Visionary’
Visionary is the higher dimension of ‘Insight, the Inner Rising Sun, the new dawn of awareness. Being the visionary, you start to understand -on a physical level here- the spiritual relationships and their origins.
The balance of these two principles lies in their sum: ‘Factor of Justice; Master’. It is the turnaround of the RuleJudge energy and it demands that Self-Awareness guides the Mind. Being a “Master” means having the awareness of being the Co-Creator of one’s own life. It has at its core the healing and salvation part of this axis.
Remember that there is no scientific all-encompassing answer as to Who or What or Why you are. In itself it is a Zen Koan and only you know if you have found the right answer. You do when you the answer resonates with your deep inner feeling of Justice and Mastery.
Blue 4- Blue 9: The axis of Fate, Focus and Concentration: 4(8)-9(3)
The way you relate to others and how you define your relationships drives your focus and concentration. In short: your relationships trigger what you need to let go of and what you need to hold on to. Should you fail to do so, then Fate falls upon you.
The two opposing principles are ‘Karma of the people', coming from the emotional level to join with ‘Spirit of Time, Reformer’ coming from the mental level. You basically want to combine your desire to solve Karma of yourself and others, with your mind awareness of what is actually going on in the world and which reforms are needed.
48: Karma of the People
It deals with the current state of our human development. 4-8 is the Astral-Emotional level in the Pentagram. You want to support yourself and others in resolving their fate. It brings the desire for perfectionism and the will to change. Your warm side (8) wants to invigorate your cold (4) side. It calls for a conscious decision for perseverance, intuiting to accept the light and the dark and merging the masculine and the feminine. The danger is to doubt and to refuse to move on. If you do that, it creates even more Karma.
93: Spirit of Time; Reformer
3-9 is the level of day consciousness n the Pentagram: being wide-awake in the here and now. Here you start to pick up the changes in the Zeitgeist, as you hold here all the accumulated experiences and wisdom of your life (and perhaps previous lives). It seeks the same perfection as in the Karma of the people. It calls for the conscious decision for the awareness that God (or the Divine) manifests itself through us and in us by means of Divine Guidance.
To balance these two principles you must take the conscious decision to learn and receive insights from karma and that those insights lead to focussing your life. It also brings out the “Luck-Monogram”. Once you hit the right focus, Luck will be bestowed upon you.
Blue 5 - Red 4: Axis of Change and Transformation: 59-(10)4
Focus concentration drives your change and transformation. You constantly need to ask yourself: what do I need to let go of and what do I need to hold on to, so that I may advance and create change and transformation in my life? The two opposing principles are the “Ascending Prophet” coming from the physical level to join with “Harshness of Life, Deepest Commitment” coming from the spiritual level. Being on the physical level you become aware that there is more to life than what you can hear, see, smell, taste or touch. On the spiritual level you are aware that the only constant is change-which scares the hell out of you.
59: The Ascending Prophet is still very much in the ‘learning phase’ and thus confronted with the Temptation to either refuse this spiritual calling or to consider as something too special for him and to only concern himself with the external or physical matters of life. The dedication to your own spirituality is the determining factor (in your life as well). If you do commit yourself to that, then from deep within come the conscious insights, which you then want to share, making you a prophet (perhaps against your will)
104: The only constant is ‘change’. Harshness of Life confronts you with that when you desperately try to hold on to what you have and what you know. It feels as if you can only serve progress and transformation through the deepest commitment- without being aware that it is you yourself that blocks the progress and commitment.
If you are able to use your receptive femininity to re-construct and re-new, if you trust your intuition to guide you to (un)deserved Luck and manifest your healing- and saving capacities, then Harshness of Life will give you the insight when to stop and when to transform . Life fulfillment will be the end result.
To balance the two principles you must become wide awake in the here and now and even take that to a higher level. It calls for developing an “awakened divine awareness” in which the only constant is change.
Levels of awareness’
Your spiritual, emotional and physical awareness is high today.
On the spiritual level obtained through ‘Healing and Salvation’ combined with ‘Harshness of Life’.
On the emotional level through ‘People’s Karma’ and ‘Detachment, Redemption’. On the physical level through the ‘Ascending Prophet’ and the ‘Visionary’.
All levels give you the desire to intuitively ‘Know God’ and by manifesting the Divine Connection. In practical terms is means that you listen and act upon your intuition, your insights, your inspiration, your ‘hunches’ as opposed to listening to your instincts.
Triangle
Your spiritual, emotional and physical awareness is further enhanced today by the connection to the 1st principle. It wants you to expand your serving, healing and aiding of others and yourself, with mastery and power at its core.
Quadrants
The spiritual-physical quadrant is again active today. You are actively trying to connect the spiritual world to the physical world. It carries the energy of ‘Transformative Healing and Salvation’ and the energy of ‘Immortal Re-Birth, Renewal’.
Note: If your birthday is today, the topics described above are your topics for 2024. Should a baby be born on this day, then today’s themes are the baby’s life-themes.
See you (virtually) :
(D) Arbeitskreis: 7. Juni Hybrid Zoom - Köln
For a full explanation of the numbers and how to read the Pentagram have a look at my website: www.pentalogie.com
submitted by BryggerHeise to NumerologyPentagram [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:22 SavingsSudden3213 For those going through it

I just wanted to make a quick post for those currently struggling.
I (35m) am 6 months post break up, I struggled hard, made tonnes of mistakes chasing the person who didn't want me, staying at their place, going on a trip together continuing to speak to them regularly being confused by their mixed signals and becoming angry when I found myself being weak for them.
3 weeks ago I woke up, went to the gym and found myself crying in the changing room post workout. I knew at this point I had hit the bottom and I was struggling to get out of it on my own, thankfully I live in a country (UK) and have a job that afforded me the opportunity to access a affordable therapist. After one session of just explaining what I was going through the therapist provided me with a piece of insight that switched my mental state : ' you are chasing the feelings you had not the person, the warmth, kindness, loving feeling, not the actual person themself'.
I know this won't resinate with everyone as we all are going through different situations but I hope someone can find a similar relief and clarity that I was able to take from this.
Stay strong and keep fighting it gets better ❤️
submitted by SavingsSudden3213 to ExNoContact [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:20 dlschindler In The Time Of Red Raven

"Reality? To me that was reality. I don't know about this place. What makes you certain you won't find yourself tied here, trying to explain yourself to people who look like you? I was pretty sure that was reality. Now, well now I just don't care. This is all a dream, so do whatever you want to me. I'm not kissing the cross. Just light the pyre." Shawna told the nogs. They shuffled forward on their trunklike legs, one of them offering her a cross with a figure of a crucified nog with a golden crown and its lips puckered.
"I said I'm not kissing it. Burn me." Shawna grimaced at the horrid little nog. The nogs shrugged in unison and lifted the buckets of icy cold water at their feet. One by one they walked up to her and doused her in cold water, soaking her t-shirt and hair and making her shiver and blow water off her lips while the rest ran down her chin.
"Is she dead?" One of the nog asked.
One of them shuffled forward and waved its hands back and forth in front of her staring, lifeless eyes. "No reaction." the nog confirmed. They'd done it, they'd finally slain the Wicked Witch of the Stars. Some of the Ethgar were saddened, crying big sticky nog tears that left streaks on their faces.
Shawna held perfectly still, trying not to laugh. They really thought she was dead, they thought they'd burned her alive with their buckets of cold water. Stupid nogs, just a few moments longer and she could break free from their braided bonds and be on her way, richer than John Godson.
"I just worry her soul wont reach the Likeliness, We should hold the jesus-nog to her lips, just to be sure." A nasty little Ethgar suggested.
"We should all just shuffle off." Shawna tried some ventriloquism.
"Who said that?" Ethgar were asking each other. The nogs suddenly all looked back at Shawna, their little devil eyes glowing in the starlight.
"Oh fiddle cakes!" Shawna swore.
She didn't usually use such foul language, but she was at her wits end with the Ethgar. First, their ridiculous test of faith to learn about Red Raven, and the treasure of the Seven Wonders. Then she had to climb Mount Velvet while nogs slung biffy sludge from their blow tubes while singing insults to her. With her knuckles bloodied and fitz in her hair, she'd reached the summit only to be accused of heresy, for she'd forgotten to remove her shoes. She'd have to climb the whole mountain again, just as penance.
After the six recitals of the Bindinfingin's half a dozen holy books, the extinct lizards granted her a one-hour library pass in their sacred underground grottos. Was it enough time to memorize enough of their holy scripture to be able to compete in the junior nog bible quotation contest and become a wearer of the golden crown of the most kissable-crucifiable? It was, because Shawna really applied herself and memorized no fewer than three verses, which was two more than any junior nog had ever quoted. With the golden crown on her head, she could at last learn the last part of the legend of Red Raven, and find out where the treasure was hidden.
Wealth unimaginable, seven wonders, that's a lot of moolah.
Bindinfingin ghost-holograms followed her around with sad expressions. The long dead intelligences expected better of her.
"We've waited your return for fourteen thousand trine. Red Raven will you not reveal at last the eighth wonder? We have so waited to know the final answer." The Bindinfingin said to Shawna, but she ignored them. They almost sounded like they thought she was someone else and that the treasure was one of those 'the treasure was the adventure' or 'the treasure was really just friendship' or someshit.
Shawna wasn't going to eat an adventure-friendship treasure, not after the nog figurine got smoochies from her. "Jesus, give me the strength of patience not to kick all these nogs."
"Do dead humans talk?" A nog asked.
They began arguing and discussing whether humans could talk when they were dead. Shawna put her two cents in, insisting that she could indeed talk while she was dead.
"Thou shalt not speak to the dead." A nog zealot drew his putty maker. Others pulled out their blow tubes, spit ball launchers and bald makers. One or two had forgot to pack weapons to the witch burning ceremony, but scooped up some dirt into their empty buckets.
"Thou shalt not fart from thy mouth." Shawna said in the dark, mimicking a nog-sounding voice. Then, as she blew a raspberry, the nogs went berserk. They had divided into two groups, each with opposing religious views, although none of them were sure what religious view the group they were divided into was seeing. The sound of the raspberry was like a starting bell, and within minutes the nogs had annihilated themselves, dead nogs scattered everywhere. The last of them finished itself off. Nogs were perfectionists.
"Now for that treasure." Shawna said gleefully. She followed the path through the empty nog village and found their sacred grotto. It was unguarded, and at last, she'd done it, found what she was always told wasn't even real.
"Reality, Shawna." A familiar voice said from the silent swamps all around.
"Who said that?" She asked.
"Reality is the treasure. I just want you to come back to me. I know you're in there. I can feel you dreaming."
Shawna shook her head. "I know what's real."
A few glowing bugs floated lazily on the air past her, going off to some hollow log to party. Shawna felt watched, like someone was holding her hand. It was going to be good, when she didn't find the treasure, what a weird feeling. Shawna shook it off. The treasure was hers.
"You think you can take my treasure?" The space pirate captain's hologramatic ghost stood in her way.
"So, you're Red Raven. Notorious brigand, mutineer and baroness. I'm here for your treasure, I knew it was real, I knew it all along." Shawna smirked. "The aliens, they worshipped you, but I know you're just a criminal." Shawna told her. "You even almost had me fooled with the Bindinfingin holograms making this sound like some sort of morality scam."
"Yet you made it all the way here." Red Raven smiled, proud of Shawna.
"Of course I did. You think I don't know what's real and what isn't?" Shawna laughed.
"The treasure is real. You just have to go through that door and accept what's on the other side." Red Raven pointed. "It's the treasure."
"See? You're still trying to psych me out. I'm abouts to be richer than John Godson. Sick of this." Shawna grabbed the handle, but something felt wrong.
"Just go through." Red Raven urged her.
"I can't." Shawna felt her eyes watering. "I just want to stay here. I'm not ready."
"You'll never be ready to be rich like John Godson. Nobody ever is. Just go in there already. I gots to get my wings, Shawna." Red Raven made 'go on in' gestures, shooing Shawna with the backs of her hands waving up at her.
"If this is any kind of treasure that isn't money, I swear I'm coming back here for you, and even though you're dead, I'll choke you out anyway." Shawna told Red Raven.
"Yes-yes, all that. Now go through already, the hour draws late." Red Raven seemed to have unlimited patience, despite her efforts to urge Shawna into the treasure behind the weird creepy disembodied door floating in the swamp. The door that looked suspiciously like her bedroom door as a child, growing up. Not liking this one bit, no sir.
Shawna took a deep breath, closed her eyes, turned the handle and went through.
submitted by dlschindler to HFY [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:17 reallythatgirl I got played

Kind of a long post, sorry. I (24f) met this girl (24f) online with the hopes of just exploring my sexuality. Before we knew it we talked all day, everyday, and she quickly became the highlight of my day. It’s important to include that she has never been in a relationship. When we first started talking she told me that she had a couple of men that she gets money from (sugar daddies, she’s a Miami girl if that makes sense) and when I inquired more about it she told me that it never progressed past a quick chat or grabbing food with them, since we were not in a relationship I didn’t mind that. I suggested plenty of times that we should just be friends with benefits and play the field but she always assured me that she didn’t want that and how deeply she felt for me. I wasn’t in any rush to put a title on things but she always told me that I was the only one she was “talking” to and of course she was the only one I was talking to as well. About a month later she links up with a guy everyday, all day, in the hotel together, going out, cooking together, for like 4 days straight and we barely talked (she used her location and other things to prove that she wasn’t staying there with him). She tried to assure me that nothing happened with them and it’s just part of the game, according to her they weren’t at the hotel the entire time and he was taking her places to do/buy whatever she wanted, but I sent her a voice audio cutting her off anyway cause clearly she’s playing me. I was super sad about it and one of her friends ended up reaching out to me and you can guess that we ended up back on speaking terms as “friends” this time which quickly led back to us talking and flirting per usual. She explained that she was just being selfish and wasn’t moving with intention since she’s never been in this situation before, that her and the guy never had sex or anything, and that she was sorry, she said she never wanted to lose me and wouldn’t mess up again. (Ik I sound like a clown) Fast forward to a few weeks later, her birthday comes and she tells me that she wants the hotel guy to take her out of town, which makes me distant from her cause wtf, but I don’t mention anything cause it’s her birthday. She sensed the distance so when she asked me about it the day after, I told her I was done allowing her to play with me and clearly that’s her intention. We go back and forth, she begs me not to, but I cut her off anyway. The next week she sends me flowers, food, and sweet things so I call to say thank you and we talked again. After a few days of talking I tell her I wanna either work things out or leave each other alone completely, but to do that I have a list of things I wanna go through, starting with her and the hotel guy messages (because I felt like she was lying). She showed me the messages, which showed that she linked up with him everyday the week before her birthday, although she had previously told me that the last time she had seen him was the hotel situation. I immediately went off on her (she was crying and apologetic still trying to convince me that nothing happened between them), she begged and pleaded, offering to do anything, but I cut her off and blocked her and her friends on everything. Over the next week she texted me from a few texting apps (I ignored them the first 5 days) asking to talk and once we did, she apologized and told me that she never intended to hurt me and doesn’t want me to hate her. She said that she feared not being good enough and overthought about our situation, which led her to do the things she’s used to doing because it’s easy to use men for money with no feelings attached, rather than be vulnerable with her feelings for me and potentially get hurt. We talked for a couple of hours (both expressing our feelings about everything) but I told her that I still want nothing to do with her and ended the conversation. I take accountability for being delusional to think it could ever work, I am a hopelessly romantic lover girl but I am also so hurt that she would lie to me and play so many games. I was open with her, I felt like we had such an intense connection just to find out that she likely had been fucking this guy the entire time. Since she lied about seeing him I feel like everything about her is a lie and it just feels shitty. It’s been 2 weeks since it happened and I cry everyday. I feel like a fool, especially cause I miss her so much and feel so empty.
submitted by reallythatgirl to heartbreak [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 09:17 Ok-Childhood-8775 When do you just quit?

I am still a 29 year old kissless virigin. I go to the gym, have a good job, take care of my and so on.
So I have been trying really hard to date for the last 2-3 years. I used all dating apps, went to all kinds of meetups and started to cold approach. I had zero romantic success so far.
I decided to do double down on my efforts in the last few weeks. I "touched grass" every day of the month so far. I did at least one cold approach every day, tried to go to as many parties and events as possible and swipped every woman on Tinder in a 100 km radius (I am paying for premium).
The results so far are terrible. Of course on the dating apps I get almost no matches. And even if I get matches most of them are fake or do not reply to my opening message. And even the few matches who reply to my first opening message ghost me after like the third message and show zero interest in the conversation from the start.
Okay but that is online dating right? If you meet women in real life it is way different right? I mean that is what people online tell me all the time: "Just touch grass bro".
So from my RL approaches this month I got 5 phone numbers. Two never replied to my first message, the other 2 took forever to reply and showed zeroooo interest in keeping the conversation going and one just ghosted me in the middle of a good conversation without any explanation whatsoever.
And it is crazy how much effort it took for me to even get those numbers. You have to endure so much rejection to even get to this point. The most common rejection is obviously "I have a boyfriend".
The second most common rejection in my experience is that they show to you from the very first sentence you speak that they do not want to talk to you at all.
But the one type of "rejection" that hurt the most I call "the condescending one". Usually happens in the baclub setting when I approach a group of women. For context I am short and have a baby face problem. People sometimes think I am 19 or a teenager with early hair loss.
So what happens when I approach is that the woman will talk to me, but in the conversation I notice that she and her friends are making fun of me. They usually make more than one comment on how young I look and how they can not believe I am 29. The giggle a lot and the overall vibe in these situations is like "look at him, how he tries to approach us. He really thinks he has a chance hehe". If I notice that kind of vibe I leave the situation and do not even bother to ask for a number or anything.
At this point I feel a deep sense of total defeat. I know the general advice is to just keep going and keep trying. But if I am honest to myself I need to stop. I can not do this anymore. The rejections, the ghosting, the friendzone experiences... they never stop. And all this shit without a single win. It feels like I am beating my head against the wall. Maybe I really need to accept that I am completely unwanted by women.
TL;DR: Tried everything, no more energy, accepting defeat, waiting for AI girlfriend?
submitted by Ok-Childhood-8775 to ForeverAlone [link] [comments]


http://swiebodzin.info