I just found this subreddit today after feeling almost completely alone for the last 5 years. And because I’ve found it and because reading about everyone else’s stories has fulfilled a need so deep I don’t even know how to begin to explain, I’d like to share mine.
I’m 28, married for almost 5 years, and we’ve never achieved penetrative sex. My husband and I have both been Christians our entire lives and we both decided to wait until marriage to have sex. Almost all the other guys I’d been with before him were not virgins, but they knew I was waiting until marriage and so we never did anything more than touching/intense make out sessions. My husband and I never even saw each other naked until our wedding night, when, of course, we tried having sex for the first time.
Now, I was always pretty sure something was wrong with me. I was never able to get a tampon in, I tried going to get a Pap smear so I could be put on birth control for my horrible period pains and they weren’t able to perform the pap because I was in so much pain. I remember telling the NP I was a virgin and I’ve never put anything up there before but it’s almost like she didn’t believe me because she proceeded to shove the terrible plastic speculum right into me in one swift motion and my entire body trembled in pain, I was a sobbing mess, and she just said “oh we can’t complete the exam because it looks like you’ve started your period.” More like you broke my hymen, thanks. Tried again a month later and had another failed attempt. After that I was completely traumatized. I remember crying in the stirrups to the NP asking her how was I ever going to be able to have sex if it was that painful and she just said “sex is completely different, when you’re aroused you’ll be fine.” Wrong. That was in 2017. I got married in 2019 and didn’t attempt another Pap smear until 2022.
I was always open with my husband even before we were married that I had these issues and that I was worried what it would mean for us when the time came, so on our wedding night neither of us were surprised that we couldn’t have sex. And honestly, I think a big part of the reason it’s been almost 5 whole years and we still haven’t achieved full PIV is because we have such a great sex life even without it. Because we couldn’t have penetrative sex we got creative, adventurous, we focus on each other because we’re basically taking turns. We both always achieve orgasm. But there’s just always that part of me saying I’m broken, I’m not enough, he’s gonna get tired of this, he needs more, and any other girl could give that to him and I can’t. (Let me be clear- these are MY feelings, ones I’ve told my husband about and he could not feel more differently. He’s always assured me he is more than happy with where we are and would never want anyone else) But alas, the guilt still eats me alive telling me I’m not a real woman, I’m not a good wife, I’ll never be enough, and he deserves better. I’ve officially gotten to the point where I’m determined to make this happen for both of us, and I’ve gotten serious about my dilator usage with a specific goal in mind.
I purchased vaginal dilators (I use SoulSource) on my own after researching pain during sex. At first I couldn’t even get the smallest one in without pain (about the size of a pinkie finger). I tried having my husband help me use them but realized I need to be able to control the angle and speed on insertion for now. It was not fun. I’d go months in between even trying to use them. I was so ashamed, felt like a complete failure, but at the same time our sex life was great so I didn’t even want to bother with them. The shame took over more as the years went by. We can’t go on like this forever, I want this for both of us.
A few really important things happened that truly changed everything. This isn’t something I talk about with just anyone, but we do have some really great friends and family that know everything. I was talking with a really good friend of mine (who’s always been a bit of a sex fanatic) about how I think I don’t like using the dilators because of a mental block - like, it hurts, it’s awkward, I don’t know where I should be when I do it etc. She said “your vagina is a muscle, you’re just stretching it out. You’ve got to think of it like a workout” and as simple as it sounds, that’s what I really needed to hear. It changed my whole mindset, I realized I needed to do it routinely, for set periods of time, and I don’t need to be embarrassed (now before you say “well duh” remember I bought these dilators on my own, I didn’t trust the healthcare professionals anymore, so I was just winging it). I taught myself my routine. I listened to my body about when I could size up. I realized on my own that deep breathing helped and that once the size didn’t hurt anymore I should move it around and in and out. Nobody told me that shit. I did it by myself, for myself and my husband, and nobody else knew about all of this until I FINALLY decided to go try another Pap smear and found the most amazing NP in the world.
I sat in her office, cried, and told her everything about my previous Pap smear, how I still haven’t been able to have sex with my husband, how I’ve been using the dilators and. she. LISTENED. She did my pap with a juvenile sized speculum that was stainless steel and heated in a warming drawer and told me any time I go anywhere for a pap to call the office and make sure they have that or find somewhere that does. I got through the pap with MINIMAL pain. Then she did an internal exam with her finger, figuring out the spots that were the most painful. I was diagnosed with Vaginismus/Vulvodynia that day. It was the first day I felt seen, heard and validated.
I’d been slowly progressing with my dilators, trying to keep routine and falling out of habit, only ever able to get to size 6 out of 8 for over a year and now my husband and I are traveling to Iceland for our 5th wedding anniversary in two weeks and my goal is to have PIV while on our trip. I use the dilators every other day, I’m on size 7 out of the 8 Soul Source dilators and my husband is a little bigger than 8, but I believe we’ll get there. I’ve never felt this much hope in my journey so far, I’m so incredibly proud of my body and how far it’s come. Say a lil prayer for us if you got this far. I don’t care if nobody reads this because really, this is for me. I’m done being ashamed and I wanted my story out there, because reading everyone else’s really helped me.

Striking the Balance Between Creating a Brand and Creating Great Content

In today's digital landscape, creating a brand and producing great content are two essential pillars for online success. However, finding the delicate balance between the two can often be challenging. At [Your Company Name], we understand the significance of harmonizing branding efforts with content creation to maximize impact and achieve sustainable growth.

Understanding the Dynamics

The Essence of Branding

Branding is the cornerstone of any successful business. It encompasses everything from your company's visual identity to its core values and unique selling propositions (USPs). A strong brand establishes credibility, fosters trust, and cultivates customer loyalty. It's not just about logos and color schemes; it's about crafting a compelling narrative that resonates with your target audience on an emotional level.

The Power of Great Content

On the other hand, great content is the engine that drives engagement and drives traffic to your digital assets. Whether it's blog posts, videos, social media updates, or podcasts, high-quality content educates, entertains, and inspires your audience. It positions your brand as an authority in your niche and generates organic interest and inbound links, boosting your search engine rankings in the process.

Achieving Synergy

Consistency is Key

To strike the perfect balance between branding and content creation, consistency is paramount. Your brand identity should permeate every piece of content you produce, maintaining a cohesive look, feel, and tone across all channels. Whether you're crafting a blog post or designing an infographic, ensure that it aligns with your brand's values, voice, and aesthetic.

Tell Compelling Stories

One of the most effective ways to marry branding with content creation is through storytelling. Instead of bombarding your audience with sales pitches, tell compelling stories that illustrate your brand's mission, vision, and journey. Share anecdotes, case studies, and customer testimonials that evoke emotions and forge deeper connections with your audience.

Provide Value

While branding helps you stand out in a crowded marketplace, great content is what keeps your audience coming back for more. Focus on providing value with every piece of content you create. Whether it's solving a problem, answering a question, or entertaining your audience, prioritize their needs and interests above all else.

Leveraging the Right Channels

Know Your Audience

Understanding your target audience is essential for effective branding and content creation. Conduct thorough market research to identify your ideal customer demographics, preferences, and pain points. Use this information to tailor your branding efforts and create content that resonates with your audience on a personal level.

Embrace Multichannel Marketing

In today's omnichannel world, a cohesive multichannel marketing strategy is crucial for reaching your audience wherever they may be. From social media platforms and email newsletters to podcasts and webinars, leverage a diverse range of channels to distribute your content and amplify your brand message.

Optimize for Search Engines

While creating great content is essential, it's equally important to ensure that it's discoverable by your target audience. Incorporate search engine optimization (SEO) best practices into your content creation process to improve your visibility and rankings on Google. From keyword research and on-page optimization to link building and technical SEO, invest in strategies that enhance your online presence and drive organic traffic to your website.

Conclusion

In conclusion, striking the balance between creating a brand and creating great content is crucial for long-term success in today's competitive digital landscape. By aligning your branding efforts with your content creation strategy and leveraging the right channels to reach your audience, you can establish a strong online presence, drive engagement, and ultimately, achieve your business objectives.

If you read my previous posts, you probably know that I've been trying to do a playthrough that ended up becoming a project (well maybe that's a bit far but you get the idea lol.). After a while of trying to find the right mods and right way to do things I finally got it. Mostly because of you guys which I highly appreciate. So I wanted to share my character. His story, restrictions, and of course the mods.
Story: though he was born a nord, Randal was raised by bosmer who followed the green pact. He learned how to hunt and fight from a young age. He grew up with the green pact and ways of the bosmer. At a young age him and his adopted family learned of the uncle being a werewolf. The father tried to confront him but uncle chantir grew enraged. He grew tired of the family and their ways. He started destroying the house and grew violent. The kids (Randal included) tried to stop him but he knocked them back. That's when he transformed and tore their mother apart as a beast. He back handed Randal and sent him flying. When Randal woke up chantir was gone and his father and siblings were a little hurt, nothing fatal thankfully. Years have passed and someone with the ability to see into the future told Randal and his panther friend nargay of a destiny in skyrim. More was described to nargay as Randal must discover more on his own by heading to helgen. So with heartfelt farewells, Randals family and village wishes him a good journey in skyrim.
There's kind of 3 arcs I wanted to do and hopefully I'll remember to list the mods that aid these alongside them.
Arc 1, the main one, destiny: at first Randal would be afraid to go to helgen (starting the main questline). He fears it would be a destiny that keeps him away from valenwood for too long. (For visits to valenwood, I'm using elden root. Also it has the version of nargay I'm using as I heard the milandriel version has some issues.) He has a home away from home for if skyrim gets to be too much (milandriel as there doesn't seem to be much choices for bosmer style homes.) But it's not the same. He discovers early that he is called dragonborn (I used gray cowl of nocturnal, mostly because I wanted to revisit it and see if I can give it a more fair shot than I did last time. But honestly, if a quest mod doesn't require using plants and mentions you being dragonborn, you could probably use that instead.) After helgen and fighting his first dragon, he tries to understand what being dragonborn means. His biggest motivation for the main questline would probably be something along the lines of thinking of his family and home. (If you want, you can also include followers and say they were destined to fight alongside you. I'm of course using auri but also my man inigo.)
Arc 2, belonging: throughout most of the playthrough, Randal would wonder if he, as a nord, truly deserves his place in his family and home. They treat him as one of his own. But he wonders if he could ever truly consider himself a real part of the family and village. He may be treated by them like he's one of them. But he is not bosmer, even though he cares little for his race. At least not the hateful storm cloaks and their racist fanatics. (If you want to play the civil war questline, though I doubt he'd care much for the politics, he's more likely to side with imperials. But I'll try to remember to include quest choices later.)
Arc 3, fear and vengeance: Randal still fears his uncle. So hearing that he is in skyrim gave him quite a panic. But Randal knows if he doesn't fight chantir, he could provide further danger to his family and others. He can't take that chance. It has to end (for chantir, there's a little bonus boss in the mod bosmer armor pack, he's called the champion of the hunt. Just say he's you're evil uncle.) But he must be ready to take on him. (For giving an edge, I'm using the green pact armor set mod. It also has really good weapons. Be sure to search in the falkreath hold for ghost deer called spirits of yffre. The nature's incense items you get from them are used to get the stuff. Hopefully you'll also get yffres bones which are used to temper the items. Try to think of it as yffres test of worthiness. Speaking of yffre I'm also using wintersun ae edition and the bosmeri yffre patch for worship.)
Restrictions (oh boy): as a follower of the green pact and someone who is disgusted by the use of things like firewood. Randal refuses to touch anything made of wood (hunterborn and the auri mod are good for bone arrows. Using campfire to sleep outside of towns for refusal to sleep on wooden beds. Until you can find a way to get a non wooden bow though, you'll have to stick to melee. Unless you want to get the green pact set early on which should be fine.) Which also includes alchemy. Since Randal doesn't trust drinking potions he relies on his food and drink for health and stamina recovery (probably one of the most important mods for this playthrough for this reason is ineed. Be sure to use ineed continue and ineed extended. Turn on the cannibal option but also important is the restoration option. Don't worry though, if you harvest enough "meat" from your enemies you'll have more food than you know what to do with. So food as a substitute might not be as harsh as you think because of just how much you get. In fact, you should also go to hunterborn settings and choose scrawny meat and materials abundancy. Otherwise it gets too much. The combat mods I hope to list further down should help keep it from being trivial though.) Also since Randal is not the biggest fan of other nords, be sure not to use any bonuses given to nords. The frost resistance sadly can't be helped. But if you're using any racial overhauls that might provide some Nordic abilities, you can't use them.
Quest choices:
Daedric quests: as a worshipper of yffre. Randal is not likely to be so eager to aid the likes of molag bal, peyrite, or mehrunes degone, and especially not hircine after his traumatic experience. Which leads me to...
Companions: Randal can smell the werewolves on them. He does not want to join the companions. Not only because of his past but also because becoming a werewolf would violate the green pact (needed to do a bit of research to find that out. Figure I'd be honest, as embarrassing as it is. But if you want you can install the mod for joining the silver hand. I can't quite recall the name. If it's just join the silver hand or dawn of the silver hand I'm unsure. But I opted out of using it this time because I'm not yet sure if for me anyway, if Randal would choose to cure the companions or wipe them out.)
Dawnguard: seeing as to how becoming a vampire lord would probably violate the green pact as well and Randal would prefer to not go to coldharbour among other reasons, he is more likely to stay with the dawnguard. (If you don't want to use the auri mod, serana dialogue add on could be another option. She drinks her enemies sure. But you might still relate to that part of her and understand it more. I haven't used sda for this playthrough though so I'm not sure how well it'd work in this case.)
College of winterhold: Randal is not very skilled in magic. So although he'd likely enjoy learning and education, he'd probably just get the information on the elder scrolls and go. Hopefully the scrolls aren't actually made of paper, ew (if you do want to do the questline and have some magic though, make sure it is conjuration and illusion, no destruction or restoration and little alteration. Also for conjuration only use spells for summoning animals and other spells of that sort. The druid mod seems to work well for me so far though I didn't use the spells this playthrough. When you're done with the staff of magnus, store it somewhere immediately or give it to a follower if you wish. But don't keep it on you. Right after you become arch mage pray to yffre for forgiveness for using such a thing.)
Thieves guild: yes but only if you have the mod no to nocturnal or a mod where you don't have to swear yourself to her. If you have the mod, go for it. (Though not required, I recommend thieves night on the town so you don't spend an eternity doing the different jobs to become guild master. Just thought I'd save you the trouble.)
Also be sure to use true hunter so there isn't a wild animal to fight every 5 steps. For extra adventure I used caves of morrowind and train fight. I also have it beats for her. The quest mods I mentioned aren't a requirement. Just something to think about adding for more content for the playthrough. But true hunter is a must. If you use alternate start live another life, I recommend using the attacked and left for dead start. Especially if you have inigo installed. For animations I'm using gdbs impossible animations jh. But now for the meat and anything but potatoes...
Combat: trust me, it's necessary, otherwise without these mods gameplay is trivial, even when relying only on food to heal. Thanks again to those who helped me with these recommendations. So here it goes...
Skyrim revamped loot and encounter
Skyrim revamped loot and encounter summermyst patch (I currently have Summermyst plus)
Fatality
Fatality damage plugin
Fatality mage movement
Know your enemy aio
Know your enemy aio Fatality patch
Skyrim revamped complete enemy overhaul
Skyrim revamped rebalanced and releveled
Lawless lite
Randal prefers to use a bow but also dual wields daggers or short blades. He's not a fan of clunky and slow. So he'll also use light armor and avoid two handed. He can Smith well enough but he's no master. Enchanting I'll leave up to you. Obviously more points go to health and stamina than magicka.
There we have it I think. Anything I might have missed? Anything that can be improved? I look forward to reading what you have to say!

First of all, I am a pansexual cisgender woman. I know this looks like I have the upper hand, but trust me, I don’t.
I dated this person a couple months ago and some things felt off; however, she always played the victim card, the heartbroken, the innocent trans woman who only needed a chance in love. And me, as the underdog advocate that I am, fell for that.
I’m conscious that being a trans person is by itself already a difficult process and that you have to put up with a lot of shit that society gives you. But it’s precisely the respect that I have for your journey that motivates me to do this.
While I was dating her, sometimes she let a sexist joke or two slide. You know, like, “I wanted to be a woman, but now I don’t know if I want to be a 30-year-old woman.“ “I didn’t want to be a girl when I was a kid because while I was playing videogames, my sisters were helping out my mom in the kitchen.”
You know, sexist jokes.
But one day, we were going to order food and she said, “Why would I drink pineapple juice? Are you going to swallow my cum or what?”
And that immediately rang the alarm. She said I didn’t have a sense of humor. She said it was my fault because I took things too personal and if I was queer-er, I would actually just laugh and let it go.
We didn’t last long. She still couldn’t get over her ex (allegedly). She spoke about other women she has dated and it was super off for me. Sex was completely one-sided. She was extremely codependent. She spoke mean things about me with her friends while we were still dating!
I tried to break up with her multiple times. She even threatened me to unalive herself. She shared she had done it in the past and she said that she would do it again if I left her.
It was the worst! I was miserable.
Once we broke up, the real horror began. She started to use me for reassurance in a very twisted way. She moved on immediately with a former ex (she only ever has exes in her radar), and she started to be all like,
“Oh, please, when you go out with new people try not to talk a lot about me. Like, I know you’re still into me, but--”
“I know I was the love of your life.”
“I know you so damn well. I know you are not as happy as you were with me with this new person that you’re dating.”
Etc., etc., etc.
All of this, she told me while being involved with someone else, the ex that she hoovered back in when we broke up.
Next thing I know, something fun happened. I met a person who accused her—before her transition, when she was a man—of abuse.
It’s really weird because they two have friends in common and after she made the accusation, no one believed her. They chose to believe him (back then). So he was a victim. He chose to start his transition not shortly after.
I have been having these ideas in my head trying to make sense of all of it. I know for a fact that she is emotionally violent. I know for a fact that she is a compulsive liar. I know for a fact that even though she is a woman, she has kept the worse aspects of being a man within her personality.
There’s also this thing—she is not friends with straight nor gay men anymore. She has one bisexual friend who identifies as a man and that’s it. And she envies him thoroughly. But she is not friends with men, really.
All of her friends are female and either dated her as a man or now as a woman. She always stays friends with the exes. Good friends. She still talks to them. Mostly, about her new conquests. All she has to tell is about her relationships, really.
When we broke up, she pretended to do the same. She wanted to stay friends and she started to sell this story where I was the confused ✨cisgender woman✨ since she is now dating a non-binary person.
She almost had a panic attack when I blocked her out of my Instagram. She wanted to still see my Stories, see my content. Not because she wanted to keep me in her life but rather as a way of control. That way, she is in control of the narrative. And she was making sure that we stay friends, so I wouldn’t expose her?
I am also kind of a closeted writer and while we were dating, I would tell her that I will write a book about our romance. When we were dating, this excited her. Yet, when we broke up, she bluffed, “Oh, I know that writing a book about me is the only natural thing to do after being with me,” but then she warned me, “But you cannot write a book about a villain who is a trans because people will use this as fuel to keep on hating the community.” How would she know she would be the villain?
I think this person is evil. And I want to understand why. I want to out her—not much for me but for the 23-year-old she is dating now. And I want none of this to have a negative effect on the trans community because she is just 1 fucking person out of millions.
Any input could be of use! Thank you so much.

Transform Your Life in 6 Months: A Personal Journey to Success
Envision Your Future

1. Define Your Vision:

Visualize the life you want. What are your long-term dreams? How does success feel and look for you? This vision will be your guiding star.

1. Set Achievable Milestones:

Break your vision into concrete steps you can achieve over the next six months. These small wins will pave the way to your bigger goals.

1. Prioritize Your Goals: Focus on the goals that will have the greatest impact on your life. Channel your energy into these areas to see the most significant progress.

Take Control of Your Finances

1. Create a Budget:

Understand your financial situation by tracking your income, expenses, and savings. A clear budget will guide your financial decisions.

1. Save and Invest:

Start saving a portion of your income and invest wisely. Building a financial safety net provides peace of mind and sets a foundation for future security.

1. Eliminate Debt: Make it a priority to pay off debts. This will improve your financial freedom and credit score, opening up more opportunities for you.

Enhance Your Career

1. Skill Enhancement: Identify and learn new skills relevant to your career. Enroll in courses, attend workshops, or obtain certifications to boost your capabilities.
   
2. Networking:
   

Cultivate professional relationships. Networking can lead to new opportunities and collaborations, propelling your career forward.
Nurture Your Health and Wellness
9.Exercise Regularly:
Make exercise a daily habit. Physical fitness enhances both your physical and mental well-being.
8.Healthy Eating Habits:
Opt for a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. A healthy diet fuels your body and mind.

1. Mental Health Practices:

Prioritize mental health through mindfulness, meditation, or other relaxation techniques. A healthy mind is key to overall happiness and success.
Cultivate Strong Relationships

1. Quality Time with Loved Ones:

Spend meaningful time with family and friends. Strong relationships enrich your life and provide essential support.

1. Effective Communication:

Improve your communication skills to better connect with others. Effective communication builds trust and understanding.

1. Resolve Conflicts:

Address conflicts or misunderstandings promptly and respectfully. Resolving issues strengthens your relationships.

1. Read Widely:

Develop a habit of reading books, articles, or listening to podcasts that broaden your knowledge and perspective.
Embark on this transformative journey with an open heart and a curious mind. Believe in yourself and the process, and watch as you turn your aspirations into achievements.

As a relatively new and I think inexperienced climber, I’ve benefited so much from the women who have encouraged and taught me in climbing. Most notably my sister who gave me the courage to finally do it after a lifetime of wanting. Last night I took a friend for her first climbing experience. She is incredibly afraid of heights and I felt so honored that she would trust me to take her so far outside of her comfort zone.
She was absolutely terrified, AND she loved it and wants to go back. She made it halfway up the wall on top rope and is determined to make it to the top next time. I’m so proud of her and impressed by how hard she pushed herself! That same night one of the staffers at the gym introduced me to a new member as a potential lead partner and as someone who has “quite a bit of climbing experience.” I was like, first off, bro not really but most also I’m FLATTERED you think so.
All this is to say I’m starting to feel at home in this sport. I still have so much I want to learn, but after a year and a half I feel confident that I can actually acquire all the skills I’m interested in. I used to think I just could never, for some reason.
Since I’ve started climbing I’ve beat myself up more than a few times for waiting so late in life to get into it (I know, many people are far older than 35 when they take it up but it felt late to me!) like I’d be so much better if I’d started sooner. I had tried on several other occasions when I was younger, and always quit for lack of confidence and belief in myself. But today I had the realization that climbing came to me exactly when I needed it in my life. Last year I came out as queer and left my marriage of 8 years in order to live authentically, and climbing has gotten me through it all. Climbing is probably why I had the confidence to come out at all. It showed me that I can do hard things, and that I am deserving of the life I dreamt of for myself. It even showed me that I don’t have to suffer through something, like a marriage (or an ascent) just because it’s someone else’s dream if it’s not right for me, and that I am NOT weak or bad for putting myself first. That a good and true partnership values both partners wellness equally, and doesn’t sacrifice one for the other.
If I had really gotten into climbing younger, I’m not sure I would have the relationship with it now that I do - these early years of strength and skill building and discovery are such a gift, and I feel lucky to be on this journey at this particular, challenging time in my life.
I guess wherever you’re at in your climbing journey, I hope it’s filling your cup as much as it is mine. And if not, try taking a friend who’s never been - there’s nothing like sharing that post climb high!

This reddit has been a treasure trove of information and support. We have seen many stories of other families who are enduring a hard, long few months with a reflux baby. Thank you for helping us feel less crazy and like others understand.
In our experience, we found there isn't a lot of helpful information about how to help a baby going through reflux and how to know if your baby might have reflux. So, we wanted to share our experience in hopes that you will feel less alone and maybe encouraged too!
If you want the story, here it is! If not, skip to the bottom section.
Feeding has been a difficult journey since our daughter was born. She lost over 10% of her weight in 2 days (I am told that is normal for breastfed babies). So, the lactation consultants encouraged me to begin pumping after every feed to increase supply, or 12 times a day. I did this for 4 weeks. While my supply eventually came in, feeding continued to be immensely difficult. After 7 lactation appointments and multiple appointments with the pediatrician, we were greatly discouraged. By the time our daughter was 8 weeks old, she would scream every feed and feeds would take close to two hours. Even giving her a bottle of breastmilk would take more than an hour for her to finish. I was ready to throw in the towel on breastfeeding because I was devastated at how difficult it was. Our daughter would scream and cry more than 10 hours a day. It was awful. I also experienced lots of nipple pain around this time, which added to the frustration.
When our daughter was 8 weeks old, our pediatrician referred us to an Occupational Therapist thinking her suck reflex might have issues. We had a 3 hour appointment with the Occupational Therapist who assessed that she did have some issues with tongue positioning when swallowing and a shallow latch, but her assessment was that reflux was the biggest problem our daughter was facing. We began doing exercises for the latch and tongue issues. Because of the OT's assessment, our doctor prescribed Famotidine for our baby. Now, our baby is almost 12 weeks and is very happy! Breastfeeding is one of her favorite things and is a good experience for us both! She eats in under 30 minutes and most feeds are joyful. There are still hard reflux days where she is unhappy and struggles to latch, but overall it is much better!
Here are the top things we learned:

1. We learned the signs of reflux our LO was experiencing. For her reflux looked like: Clearing her throat, latching then quickly unlatching, throwing her head back, crying as if she was in pain, tons of spit up (even 30 minutes after she ate), and she needed to be burped a lot.
   
2. Our baby developed a fear of reflux which led to a fear of eating. She became defensive during nursing, despite her hunger because she was afraid of acid coming up. She also limited her eating because with reflux she would experience more acid when her stomach was full. So, this was a key reason why our LO fought eating. Knowing she was in pain definitely gave me more grace and patience, but it was so sad to discover that she was afraid to eat.
   
3. We began to choose a baby-led feeding position
   

In the hospital, I was taught the football feeding position and was told to smash her face into the boob so she would latch. Many lactation appointments confirmed this. However, for our reflux baby, this added fear because she would try to pull away but I wouldn’t understand her cue. We learned from the occupational therapist that the baby has to trust that I see her cues of struggle so she can regroup before taking in more milk. This meant, we had to do a breastfeeding position where I was not holding her head and where she could have more freedom to pull away as she needed.
For breastfeeding we did a side-by-side position. Where the baby lays on her side right next to me. This gives her the freedom to pull away as needed. Once we rebuilt trust, I was able to do a cross-cradle position. I still do not hold her head. She can pull away as needed.
We also do this with the bottle. We started with her mostly sitting up, leaned against pillows. When reflux started to bother her, she could pull away and then come back when she was ready.

1. With our LO, we developed a mantra: When it doubt, pull it out

Anytime we think LO is having trouble and might cough/choke, we started pulling off the breast or tilting the bottle to give her a break.
For our LO, choking means more frustration and fear of nursing. I was concerned she wouldn’t latch back on, but I found it is much better to give her a break then to push her.

1. Burping

Our LO needed lot of burping. Here's our signs she needed burped immediately: clearing her throat, anytime she starts wiggling a lot, anytime she is choking or coughing, etc.
We got into the habit of always burping every 10mL of the bottle or 4-5 minutes on the breast. I also burp in between sides.

1. Upright positions make a big difference for our LO

We keep her upright for 20 minutes after a feed so she doesn’t have as much burning acid come up. It’s our way of helping her keep it down.
We had to plan when we'd do tummy time and diaper changes so that our LO wasn't at risk of spit-up (or hiccups). We did it before feeds or after holding upright for a while.

1. We learned to use a pacifier or LO's hand to help her keep the reflux down

For our girl, we found the swallow reflex can be used with a "dry nipple" (finger, pacifier, etc) to get her to continually swallow. This helps the reflux stay down for her! You and I do it all the time to keep stomach nasties from coming back up.

1. Celebrate every minute of baby sleep you get

A well rested baby eats so much better. Our LO was much more patient with us during this difficult work of feeding when she had a good nap. Give yourself grace if all you can do is contact naps.

1. Our experience with Famotidine (Pepcid)

We saw some results immediately.
We saw better results after 5 days
We saw great results after 14 days.
All babies cry. This won't change that. But it's nothing like it was before. Our LO does not throw her head back and most feeds are very positive. She's still fussy in the evening, but that can be normal for all babies.
We think we notice when it wears off, right now we're on a single dose per day. The last feed before her dose, she usually struggles. But that's nothing compared to how it was.

1. Help your Dr. by eliminating all uncertainty that it truly is a reflux problem.

We have a great pediatrician! But how do you know if a patient really does need medication when there might be something less drastic that would solve the problem? It really helped our dr. that we gave her a detailed account of the symptoms and timing of our LO's problems. It also helped that we happened to need to bottle feed our LO in front of the dr and it was terrible! The dr could see for herself what it was. I also cut dairy and regulated caffeine early. This helped our dr. be confident that a reflux medication was the best next step. We haven't added dairy back in yet. Just happy things are better right now.

1. Don't be afraid to advocate for you and your baby.

No one will care about your baby as much as you do. Lactation, pediatrics, OT, every professional has a specific purpose and goal that's aligned with what they know best. But YOU are the kid-expert. Trust your gut. If you think something isn't working or your LO isn't alright, advocate. Lactation will hope for a completely breast-fed baby. Which is a wonderful thing. But what's most important is that your baby is happy and healthy no matter how that happens. Formula, pumped, or breast-fed. Many pediatricians will be concerned with the child's development. We hit our milestones, but it came a huge cost of time with 120 minute feeds each time, and very little sleep. Make sure that ALL medical professionals giving you important advice knows your LO's backstory. We made some mistakes with this... That's another post. Taking good notes helped our occupational therapist spot the problem over time.
And when you try new things, get some sort of timeline of how long to try it before there be improvement. Find out if the medication or technique should work after a week or a month. This will help you manage your expectations when you might be feeling hopeless.

1. Know your milestones

It is normal for certain weeks to be challenging. Knowing our milestones helped us understand the full picture of what our LO was experiencing, not just reflux related. And, it gave us hope that some of the misery wouldn't last forever. Haha.
Non reflux-related breastfeeding lessons

1. Pump-related

I hurt so bad from pumping and I assumed that was normal. I went through weeks of blanched nipples and very significant nipple pain only to discover I wasn't pumping correctly! Make sure to measure your nipples for your flange size. If you are working with a lactation consultant, they can help with this. Also, I learned to check the breast pump manual to learn about the settings. I have now made some adjustments to the settings. Now that I have discovered these things, my nipple pain has gone away.

1. Shame when breastfeeding isn't working

I experienced a lot of shame and guilt when breastfeeding wasn't going well. I thought I was a terrible mom and I felt embarrassed that something that should be natural and easy was a nightmare. That led me down all kinds of destructive thoughts, fearing that I wouldn't be a good mom moving forward because this area was hard. I had to learn to reframe things. I had to start to see that any volume of milk my reflux LO got was a win. I had to discipline myself to not compare myself to other moms who could breastfeed in public for less than 10 minutes while I had to make sure to feed in the car, knowing my LO would take over an hour and cry nonstop. I had to learn that if a feed wasn't going well, it isn't a failure to decide to offer a bottle to help LO fill up more quickly. Honestly, I had to learn to lay aside my expectations and do what worked. And, I had to have my identity not wrapped around breastfeeding and my child's success. Just as my LO struggled in this area, she will struggle with more things in the future. I will be a better mom if I can love her through it without feeling shame for where she is at. Having a supportive, loving husband greatly helped when I wanted to throw in the towel. I also found that talking with my counselor and having a space to remember the truth about my baby (i.e. her struggling to breastfeed is because of the reflux, not because I am a bad mom), greatly helped my mental health and my relationship with my baby.
It is the end of week 11 for us and it has changed dramatically for the better! We are on week 3 of the Famotidine. Our baby smiles all the time and is a joy to be around. I am beginning to like being a mom, which I couldn't imagine 2 weeks ago. People say things get better at week 12 and we didn't believe them. We felt hopeless. For us, it actually did get better. But, we know that isn't everyone's story. Regardless of how long you have been struggling with a reflux baby, it is incredibly hard on the whole family. And, I don't know when it will get better for you. My prayer is that it will get better for you very soon because it sucks and is awful. In the meantime, I hope this post helps in some way or at least helps you know that someone else in the world gets where you are coming from.

Happy International Coaching Week, everyone!
This week, we're zeroing in on a topic that, I believe, stands at the very core of leadership excellence—strategic decision-making and risk management. In today's fast-paced world, leaders are often required to make decisions that involve significant risks. The ability to do so with confidence and clarity can set apart great leaders from the good ones.
The Essence of Risk in Leadership Risk is an inherent part of growth and innovation. Without stepping into the unknown, we limit our potential for development and discovery. Yet, the thought of taking risks can be daunting, especially when the stakes are high. Here's where the transformative power of coaching comes into play. Coaching doesn't just prepare leaders to assess risks; it empowers them to embrace these moments as opportunities for significant growth and innovation.
Transforming Perception: Risks as Stepping Stones One of the first steps in becoming more comfortable with taking risks is changing our perception of what risk means. Instead of viewing risks as potential pitfalls, we can start to see them as stepping stones towards our goals. A simple exercise I encourage leaders to try is the "Best Case Scenario" practice. When faced with a risky decision, take a moment to visualize the best possible outcome. What would it look like? How would it feel? This practice can shift your mindset from one of fear to one of opportunity.
Communication: The Bridge Over Troubled Waters A critical aspect of effective risk management is communication. Transparency with your team about potential risks and the thought process behind your decisions can build trust and foster a culture of collaboration. It turns the journey of navigating risks into a collective effort, where everyone feels invested in the outcome.
Embracing Coaching for Risk Management During International Coaching Week, we reflect on how coaching can enhance our ability to navigate through uncertainties. A coach can provide you with the tools, perspectives, and encouragement needed to approach risk with a balanced and informed mindset. Coaching can also help in building a risk-tolerant culture within your organization, where innovation is not just welcomed but celebrated.
Final Thoughts As we continue to explore the themes of leadership, risk management, and decision-making, I invite you to join the conversation. What are some risks you've taken that led to unexpected growth or innovation? How do you approach risk management within your leadership role?
Remember, the path to leadership excellence is paved with risks that are worth taking. If you're looking to enhance your strategic decision-making skills or foster a more innovative and risk-tolerant culture in your organization, I'm here to help. Let’s connect and explore how coaching can support your journey to becoming a more confident and effective leader.

Previous Part
Morning eventually came, banishing the eyes that seemed to peer at me through the night. It was strange how suddenly the feeling left me, making me think that someone really was watching me. The whole thing was really doing wonders for my paranoia. Despite the rough morning and sleepless night, I still found myself waiting outside Bianca’s house bright and early that morning. The air was cool but not chilly, one of those perfect days that’s cold enough you’ll never start sweating unless you really try, but warm enough that a T-shirt will get you through without too much trouble.
I only had to knock once before Bianca threw open the door.
“Where you just waiting there for me?”
I asked, cracking a smile and raising an eyebrow.
“You’ll never know” she added playfully, “Are we ready to go then?”
Bianca had made some preparations for the trip, she didn’t have a backpack ready to go but she definitely made an effort to dress the part… sort of. She was wearing an old grey combat jacket that I imagine she pulled out of Stein’s closet. The jacket was way to big for her but she made it work. Her combat boots matched the jacket, looking old and well worn. What didn’t match was the bright red yoga pants she was wearing, but I wasn’t about to complain. Besides, I had packed each of us a spare set of clothes just in case.
“Oh! So I had an idea, its a long walk, not crazy but I’d rather not just walk the whole way if we can help it. Frank and Stein used to have some bicycles when we first came here so I asked them about it and well.”
Bianca chirped, as she led me around the back of the house and pulled a tarp off two abysmal looking bicycles. The bikes were both red at one point but that was a long time ago. Now they were covered in a layer of rust and I could barely make out the branding that may have once read, “Shwinn”.
“Um… Bianca I think I might get tetanus if I sit on that thing.”
“Oh come on! Aren’t you tired of walking everywhere? Lets just give the bikes a shot, if they crumble to dust we can leave them.”
“And get me a tetanus shot.”
I added quickly
“Fine, and get you a tetanus shot.”
Bianca shot back, she feigned annoyance but she couldn’t hide the smile that crossed her face.
Laughing to ourselves, we got on the bikes and took off North, out of town and onto a dirt path leading to the woods. Bianca didn’t say much on the way out but I could tell she was having a good time. This may have been her first time out of the house for something other than supervising Frank and Stein. She tried to hide it by riding fast and staying out in front of me, but I could still catch her eyes literally glowing with happiness every now and then. I thought back to what Frank had said about her eyes glowing when she experiences strong emotion. I hoped that was the case and she wasn’t just trying really hard to influence me, which he had also said would make her eyes glow.
As we neared the end of the path, the forest’s edge came into view. we let the bikes roll to a stop then got off and let them fall over onto the dirt. I half expected them to explode into a puff of rusty brown dust the second they touched the ground but to my surprise, neither bike did. I could’ve swore I heard Bianca sniffle almost like she’d been crying. I opened my mouth to say something and then thought better of it, if she wanted to tell me what was going on she would. Well, that or she’d just manipulate me away from the question. Wait, was she doing that now? It’s hard to tell, maybe that’s how everyone around her feels. The more I thought about it the more I realized how difficult it must be for her just to have friends or form relationships with people at all. If she told them the truth they’d never know if what they were feeling around her at any given moment was real. All they’d have to go on would be her word, could they really trust that, could I? If she kept her secret she’d know that at any moment she could just change how they felt about her, manipulate them into anything she wanted. Could she resist that kind of power over them and still look someone in the eyes and say she was their friend. Not to mention how hard it would be to keep that secret over years of knowing someone.
“So Keith, were exactly are we headed? You do have some Idea where this mine you’re looking for is right?”
Bianca asked skeptically, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Well about that…. I just know its out here in the forest somewhere. That’s pretty much all I have to go on from Frank, Stein, and that massive bartender in town.”
I told her sheepishly.
“Well that explains why you over-packed so much then. Seriously? How long do you think we we’re going to be out here, you’re packed like some kind of survivalist.”
She mocked, picking through the pack I’d made for her. After she finished rooting through the pack I made for her like some kind of giant squirrel and, chastised me yet again for not doing more research on the mine, we set off.
The forest felt imposing as we walked into the woods through a manicured patch of trees. Someone had gone to great lengths to braid a few trees over this little path before the forest turned back into its natural wild state. It gave off the feeling that civilization ended with this path and something else entirely began. As we got off the path our light faded quickly, chocked out by the limbs of massive pine trees. All this cover meant there was very little foliage on the ground which was covered in a blanket of needles. The though occurred to me that we were looking for a mine in a valley. That’s weird because what exactly would be in a valley that warranted the creation of a mine? Usually you’ll find them in mountains so what exactly was one doing out here.
“Bianca I just had a thought, Why would they build a mine out here? I mean what’s the point, is there even anything valuable out here to mine?”
“Yeah, come to think of it your right. What other reason would there be to have a mine out here?”
“Unless they were just mining from a cave but that still doesn’t answer the question of what they were…”
Bianca cut me off
“What was that first thing you said?”
“Um… mining from a cave?”
A lightbulb went off over her head as she exclaimed,
“That’s it! There’s caves under the town, I’ve heard Frank talk about them before! Maybe they didn’t have a real mine so they were just mining something out of the caves.”
“Not to burst your bubble Bianca, but that still doesn’t get us any closer to these caves or mines or whatever it is.”
I responded cautiously, trying not to sound to critical of her revelation.
“Well not exactly, Frank said they were in the East of the forest somewhere so all we have to do is head East till we run into them.”
Bianca said, full of confidence. Then something occurred to me, we had no real way of getting back to the bikes other than retracing our steps. Now that was easy enough now, if we went deeper into the woods we would get lost pretty quickly.
“One more thing Bianca, Maybe we should come up with a way to find our way out? I really don’t want to end up lost out here.”
I asked nervously, fidgeting with my hands.
“Way ahead of you on that one, I left my phone back by the bikes. Here give me yours and I’ll put my number in so you can track it and find our way back.”
She said, taking my phone, putting her number into it, and turning it to me to show she’d tracked her own phones location with it, giving us a path back to the bikes.
As we turned East and headed even deeper into the forest the terrain started to change. Instead of the pine needle coating we started to see rocks and the ground was more rugged. Here and there we’d even pass a boulder or two. I decided to break the silence of our search.
“So are you ever going to tell me how you met Frank and Stein?”
Bianca sighed before responding.
“I suppose you deserve to know if your sticking around. You probably guessed I wasn’t always living with them. Lets just say before that I was with someone who I though meant the world to me but I never meant the same to him. It was all a game to him and eventually I noticed that. Then, a little while afterwards I realized I wasn’t exactly powerless anymore and I did some things that I’m not exactly proud of to survive on my own.”
I could tell talking about this hurt her but I needed more.
“That’s not exactly telling me a whole lot Bianca.”
I pressed, maybe a little to hard.
“I found out I had powers and I used them ok! I got myself out of a situation where I was pulled so many way I didn’t know which direction was up! The second I found out I could do the same thing to people myself, I did! You’re the first person to actually seem to give a shit that wasn’t some crazy doctor that tolerates my existence or someone I just manipulated into caring! Maybe I even did that with you! I JUST DON’T KNOW ANYMORE!”
Bianca screamed at me, getting in my face with tears beginning to run down her own. Her eyes were glowing electric blue again and I knew I’d crossed a line.
“Hey I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you. I… I didn’t know.”
“No.. you didn’t but I guess you should”
Bianca sniffled out, trying desperately to pull herself back together and keep up the act the everything was ok. Bianca went silent for a while as we kept walking along, crying to herself before she finally took a deep breath and said,
“You know, this is the first time someone’s asked me to come along and do something outside the house in years. I spend so much time cooped up in there just helping with experiments and looking after Rocco. It’s actually nice to get out and talk for once.”
Her voice still a lifts hoarse from screaming at me before.
“Look if you want to talk about it we’ve got nothing but time out here. I’d like to know a bit more about you anyways.”
I said taking her hand and trying to sound comforting.
“Yeah maybe I should get some of it off my chest. Here it goes I guess.”
Bianca said, taking a deep breath and tightening her grip on my hand. Her eyes still glowed faintly as she told me her story as we ventured deeper into the forest.
I’ll give you the shorter version of it here, mostly cause I’m not sure how she’d feel about me spoiling all her secrets.. She ran away from her family and her college education for a guy, his name was Brooke. Brooke was from money and had a job lined up by his family at a law firm so Bianca thought she was set for life with him. Bianca was madly in love with him at the time but as days grew into months and years, Brooke became a monster. He cheated on her and told her she wasn’t enough, that her shortcomings drove him to do it over and over again and somehow it was all her fault every time. He became abusive not long after the cheating started, flying into fits of hysteric apology afterwards only further convincing Bianca she was somehow at fault. After three years of this she eventually got up the courage to leave and never looked back. On the road she discovered her powers of manipulation, letting her play with people’s emotions and she only got better at it with time. Unfortunately her abilities got her into a very specific form of getting money out of people, prostitution. One day she tried to solicit Stein and he saw straight through her. Stein took her with him to the hotel he and Frank were staying at and they took her in on the spot. The trio traveled together ever since, Bianca becoming a kind of daughter to them.
I was in shock once she finished her story, it sounded like she’d really been through the ringer.“I don’t know what to say, that’s awful, all of it.”
“It was, I lived it. But I made it through, doesn’t matter how at the end of the day. I’ve got Frank and Stein and that’s enough, they let me into their home and I recovered in my own way, I’m still here so I’ll take what I can get right?”
Bianca stated with a cold loom of determination on her face. It was painfully obvious to me that despite the masquerade of being fine she was barley holding it together underneath. Like just talking about it with me was driving a finger into old wounds.
“At least you’ll never have to go through something like that again. With your abilities you never have to get pushed around like that.”
I said with completely no tact whatsoever. Bianca stopped suddenly as I said this and whirled around to face me. The fire I’d seen in her eyes earlier reigniting in seconds.
“Do you really think that’s all this is?! I’m no better than him, even you don’t know what you really think when you look at me! Admit ti!”
Bianca growled at me, hysterical once again.
“No, Bianca I…”
“Look I know your trying to help but just leave it, ok? I’m done talking about this”
She cut me off, pulling herself back together and signaling very clearly we were done with that particular conversation.
“Besides look over there, That hole in the rock see it? That might be what we’re looking for.”
Bianca said, gesturing to the stone wall that now jutted out of the ground beside us.
The rock wall she pointed out was chipped near the middle in a way that couldn’t have been natural. Straight lines don’t really exist in nature and this hole was cut squarely into this rock wall. As we got closer I could see that it wasn’t just an entrance either. The hole opened into the rock wall but then suddenly dropped, like whoever carved it had hit a point where the ground just fell out from under them. From where Bianca and I were looking into the hole we couldn’t quite see the bottom.
“Well we found what we were looking for, is this bringing back any memories from those dreams you had?”
Bianca asked, sounding a little short tempered still as I searched through my bag.
“What are you looking for in there?”
“Rope, I’ve got to see what’s in there and I’m hoping I brought enough to climb down there.”
I replied hurriedly, still tearing apart my bag to get to the rope I had packed underneath everything else.
“Rope? you’re not seriously going to climb down that pit are you? I can barely see down there.”
Bianca complained, sounding exasperated.
“Here, this should help you see down there.”
I said, tossing her one of the two head mounted flashlights I brought along.
“ME? I never said we were going down there!”
Bianca panicked momentarily.
“Look, you can stay up here and wait for me if you really don’t want to go down there. But I would appreciate having you to watch my back.”
I added trying to soften her up. Bianca opened her mouth like she was going to say something but stopped, instead dropping her own pack to the ground and searching through it.
“Look if I’m going down there I’m going to need something better than yoga pants on and…. You actually packed a change of clothes in here. Geez you really did think of everything.”
As Bianca took the jeans I packed and went off to find somewhere to change I finally found the rope. It was about 50 feet of strong climbing rope that I kept for an occasion just like this. Now that’s not to say I was a professional climber by any means but a 20 or 30 foot rappel I should be able to do. I was hoping that the descent wasn’t much further than that. I anchored the rope to a tree a little ways away from the hole in the rock face and tossed the rope down the hole. It hit the bottom with a satisfying thud just as Bianca got back from changing. The jeans I had packed were a little big on her but she’d manage. She looked like a mess in her ancient combat boot and jacket, all of which were too big for her. I tried to open my mouth to tell her she looked nice, I swear I really did but what came out was hyena-like laughter at her appearance.
“I…. Oh god I’m…. It’s just”
I struggled to get out, laughing all the while.
“Well I’m glad you like it at least, ok seriously come on, stop laughing.”
Bianca scolded as she began giggling herself. Soon enough we were both laughing, Bianca’s earlier storminess cleared up by the absurdity of the situation.
Here we were, a succubus and a guy with a strange mark out in the woods getting ready to rappel into a hole in the ground that apparently didn’t exist. All this was almost starting to feel… I’m not really sure how to put it, not normal but not so strange. Honestly I finally felt like I’d found some kind of purpose again out here. As weird as it all was I was starting to enjoy… this, this whole odd situation I’d found myself in. Bianca and I finally got ahold of the laughter and stood back up from our place on the ground.
“Do I really look that bad?”
She asked
“I’ve never heard you complain about your looks before. But no, with those jeans on you look like maybe, just maybe you prepared a little bit for coming out here.”
I teased, getting a little wry grin out of her.
“Come on, lets get going. Hopefully we can be in and out of there pretty quickly.”
I said, handing Bianca her pack and shouldering my own.
Rappelling in wasn’t actually all that hard, really dangerous without safety equipment sure, but neither of us had any trouble descending the maybe 20 foot drop. At the bottom I saw something that shocked me, this place wasn’t abandoned. I saw lighting set up, not on but very clearly set up recently. Bits of old mining equipment were scattered around the… cave? Mine? Im not really sure what to call it anymore. What concerned me more than anything was the light I saw at the far end of the cave (I’m settling on calling it a cave). The light came from a massive bonfire and I could just make out the shadows of several people sitting around it. I have no idea how we didn’t see the smoke on our way in. It wasn’t filling the cave but it also wasn’t coming out from anywhere I saw on the way here.
“Bianca get down!”
I whisper shouted at her, turning off my headlamp and falling flat to the ground myself. Bianca dropped to the ground as she heard me with unexpected grace. I didn’t know if those figures by the fire had seen us but I certainly wasn’t taking chances.
“Ok, I’m going to creep up and see if I can hear them talking or something. Can you just stay here and watch my back? I don’t want you getting any closer than you have to.”
I instructed Bianca who answered with a quick nod and reached into the inner pocket of her jacket. She withdrew a jeweled golden dagger from it.
“I sorry, what’s this now?”
I asked, confused and thrown off guard by the weapon. It was a really beautiful blade, the hilt was silver with several purple gems inlaid in it. The blade was golden save for the razor sharp edge which was some kind of strange blue material that was roughly the same color Blanca’s eyes glowed.
“I had a life before this you know.”
Bianca responded.
“Yeah we talked about it but you didn’t really tell me much about this part apparently. Doesn’t matter I guess just surprised you have Jeff Bezos’s butter knife in your jacket pocket.”
I whispered, pointing at the dagger in her hand.
“Well we can talk more about how I ended up with this later, not really the time now. Just be careful ok.”
I got up as she said this, realizing she was right. Now really wasn’t the time to be asking about strange daggers, I had more pressing issues.
I crouched down and started creeping towards the figures by the bonfire, careful to avoid the rusty machinery bits scattered across the ground. As I got closer I saw a passage I had missed in the dark. I dared to turn my headlamp on for just a second, trying to block out most of the light with my hand. What I saw through the dim light and shadows of my finger left me awestruck. Inside the passage a coliseum had been constructed, with seats carved into the stone. The structure itself was made up of the rusted metal pieces that littered the room, collected and smelted together to form the walls of the structure. What frightened me the most was the symbol clearly and meticulously drawn on the dirt floor, the same symbol that adorned my back, the symbol of the thunderbird. Moving on, more shaken than ever I crept closer still to the roaring bonfire. I could just about make out the words the figures were saying. When I got close enough to make out the word “tests” the fire suddenly went out with a gust of wind.The room temperature must have dropped 10 degrees immediately and I could swear I heard the sounds of heavy rain above us. But the sudden lack of light isn’t what rooted me in place, cowering on the cave floor. What did that was the two illuminated grey eyes that pierced through the darkness like lightning in a storm, eyes I would never forget, the eyes of the woman from Imalone.
This time I clearly heard the voices of the figures from around the bonfire as they all dropped to their knees.
“Shaoni! We weren’t expecting you till later, Stormcaller.”
The figures all said some variation of in unison. Their tone sounding almost as though they were begging for forgiveness. In a voice that hissed like rain on pavement the woman apparently named Shaoni spoke.
“I’ve come to oversee the start of the trials, is everything prepared?”
In one bone chilling moment her eyes locked on mine and she said the one thing I’d hoped she wouldn’t.
“You didn’t tell me we had guests.”
The moment the words left her lips I turned back to where Bianca was waiting, her now glowing eyes cutting through the darkness of the cave. Giving up any form of subtly, I bolted for the rope behind Bianca. I just wanted to be out of this cave, whatever I might learn from searching around was far outweighed by the fact that Shaoni was here. I’d seen the kind of destruction she’d left in her wake in Imalone and I had no desire to see it happen again here. I banged my ankle on several of the little bits of rusty metal on the floor as I ran, sending sparks of pain up my leg. I didn’t hear anything behind me at all which was almost more unnerving than the footsteps I expected to hear. I closed in on Bianca and saw she hadn’t moved at all, her eyes fixed on something behind me. I dared to take a quick glance back over my shoulder and saw Shaoni taking her first step away from the extinguished bonfire. Lightning crackled around her like one of those novelty plasma globes. In the flashes of light I could see her face. There was no smile or frown, no emotion at all. She simply stared straight ahead towards me and took slow calm steps, inching ever closer.
“Bianca we’ve got to go… NOW!”
I shouted, snapping her to attention. She nodded and turned on her heels, back toward the rope we’d thrown in earlier. Only, when we got to the rope and gave it a tug, it came falling back toward us.
“There’s no way. I…I anchored it to that tree, it should’ve held!”
I cried in disbelief. Bianca and I starred up at the now stormy sky through the hole we would’ve escaped from. Two men walked into view on either side of the hole, glowering down at us. I notice a marking on one of the men’s hands in a flash of lightning from the storm. I could only assume if I was able to make it out I would’ve seen a marking just like the one on my back. Just as soon as the men had appeared a shape flew in from the left with a low growl, taking both men along with it.
“Ok, new plan! There’s something else up there and I really don’t want to get involved with… whatever that was either. I didn’t see any footprints near the entrance so I’m assuming those guys we saw by the bonfire got in another way. We’re just going to have to find where that was and get out that way.”
I instructed Bianca, gesturing to the men in toe with Shaoni and trying not to sound as afraid as I was.
“Ok, I’m with you but lets get moving, I don’t want to any closer to her than I have to be.”
Bianca answered, putting her hand on my shoulder. I suddenly felt a wave of calm rush over me and for the second time I was grateful for Bianca’s ability to simply turn off my fear response.
Shaoni now stood about 50 feet from us with four men following behind her. In the light she gave off I could see the men were all dressed like normal people. I kind of figured they would be more of those canvas wrapped weirdos from Imalone but no. There stood four men in jeans and flannels standing there. Shaoni looked like she could’ve stepped right out of a painting of Pocahontas. She wore an animal hide dress with frills along the bottom and arms. Her head was adorned with a leather band containing several hawk feathers. In short she looked like she’d stepped out of a different time. But I had no time to look over the finer details of her clothing as Bianca and I rushed towards her. Once we got within striking distance I pulled Bianca to the left, towards the passage I had seen earlier. Shaoni never made a move towards us, she just simply looked at me, the ghost of a smile briefly crossing her lips. One of the men with her grabbed at Bianca though, pulling her out of my grasp momentarily. That was a mistake because she was on him immediately with the ornate dagger I’d seen before. As the man grabbed her Bianca lashed out with the dagger, sticking him in the gut with the blade. He screamed in anguish and let go of her but Bianca wasn’t done yet. She followed up by stabbing the man in the back of the neck as he bent over, grabbing at the hole in his abdomen. The other three men were so taken aback by the sudden ferocity she displayed that they didn’t come any closer. As time stood still for a second the men all looked toward Shaoni, awaiting instructions but hesitant to get any closer to Bianca. Using the brief moment of disbelief Bianca had caused, we ran down the side passage towards the coliseum.
“What was that?”
I asked, still shocked by how suddenly Bianca had acted.
“He tried to grab me, I don’t like when they try to grab me”
Bianca responded, distant and… scared? I got the sense she was still in shock at what she had done too. But I couldn’t worry about that right now, we still had to get out of here. Luckily the men didn’t seem to be following us. Wether Shaoni called them off or they stopped to care for their friend I didn’t know, and frankly I didn’t care.
Rushing through the rusty coliseum was haunting. I expected something to jump out of every shadow in the imposing structure. As we slowed to a jog in the middle of the coliseum, right where that eagle symbol was, we stopped to look around. We had come into this arena through an open arch but the only other exit I could see was a similar but barred archway. The coliseum was huge for something constructed in a cave, probably 400 feet across. I had no idea how this thing could’ve been made without anybody finding out.
“Bianca are you seeing anyway out of here? Bianca!”
I asked, then shouted as I turned to see her standing still as a statue in the middle of the Eagle symbol. She was staring at the dagger she had stabbed that man with. Blood still stained the blade and dripped from it intermittently.
“Bianca are you alright?”
I questioned as I walked over to her. She still had this look in her eyes, like she was miles away.
“Bianca? Come on talk to me. Look, you did what you had to do back there, sure it wasn’t exactly pretty but it had to be done.”
I tried to comfort her with my words but the truth is, my heart just wasn’t in it. I was a little scared of what I saw from her in those few moments. She just lashed out and attacked him, not that he didn’t deserve it but going back for more was too much. But what would’ve happened if she didn’t act? It’s not something I could really dwell on now and I’m not sure it really mattered. I just wasn’t feeling all that great about the fact we may have killed someone.
“I don’t like it when they grab me.”
Bianca finally repeated, still appearing catatonic. I leaned down to her level, putting my face right in-front of her’s and putting her head in between my hands.
“Bianca I know enough to know that whole situation may have dug up some memories for you but nows really not the time. We have to keep moving, we have to find a way out of here, and I can’t do that without you right now.”
Bianca tensed up as I spoke to her, but I could feel her relax as I finished. A single tear fell from her eye as she gave me a nod and followed behind me as I walked toward the barred off archway.
Before I made it to the archway there was a massive crash as something tore the rusty bars from their mountings and fell into the room.
“Tuck?!”
I exclaimed, recognizing his colossal figure on the floor immediately. His shirt and pants were torn to shreds though, Like he’d flexed too hard and burst out of his clothes. Bianca and I rushed over to check on him but apparently he was fine. Before we even started walking towards him he was already back up on his feet and lumbering towards us.
“Tuck what are you doing here? Actually never mind, are you ok?”
I asked, concern in my voice.
“It’s going to take more than this to stop me son. I figured you might go looking for that old mine I mentioned the other night so I came to find you. I feel real bad about ya run’in off the way ya did and I got to thinking. Maybe I could make it up to ya if I told ya about the mine. So I came out here and found some shady look’in fellas poking around and figured maybe ya needed help, looks like I was right.”
Tuck explained, dusting himself off and brushing away some of the tattered remains of his shirt. I didn’t buy his story for a second but I wasn’t going to argue with this bear of a man.
“So how did you get in anyway?”
“Used the old entrance from back when this place was still run’in, come on I’ll lead ya out.”
Tuck answered, already turning and walking back the way he came.
The walk out was long and none of us talked much so I just looked around. The further we walked down this little tunnel the more I noticed crushed equipment. The walls looked like they were made up of bits and pieces of crumbled rock that may have once been the ceiling of a much bigger tunnel here.
“There was a collapse, just like the report said only, whatever caused it wasn’t any fault of ours. It was that damn thunderbird waking up.”
Tuck piped up, answering one question and making me ask another.
“Wait you knew about her?!”
“All the miners did, some decided to follow her after she woke up and brought the walls down on us. Others wanted revenge for the brothers we lost, I’m one of the former. You see son, the reason I stayed around this town so long was because of that bird. I want a chance to return the favor.”
“But what about Robert? If you hate the thunderbird so much why’d you let him in? You had to see that tattoo on his hand.”
“I know he thinks that damned bird will “save” him or something but I don’t blame him. Everyone deals with things in their own way and it’s not my place to judge folk for it.”
Tuck lectured, as we made our way further down the passage. His words made sense to me but I didn’t understand how he could be so understanding. From what I understood the thunderbird had a part to play in the original mine’s collapse and the death of the workers there. Only for some of the survivors to revere this creature. If I were in Tuck’s shoes I don’t think I could forgive and forget.
Finally we saw light at the end of the tunnel. We emerged into the whispers of what I’m sure was a monster of a storm. But that’s not what drew my attention, what did were the boulders scattered around the hole we just came out of. It looked like they had been moved, and recently. The suspicious red stain just barley peaking out from the bottom of one of them only served to convince me further. Tuck’s story didn’t quite make sense and this entrance seemed like it should’ve been blocked up until very recently. I wasn’t about to question the guy who saved us though, so I let the issue rest.
Bianca’s idea of tracking her phone to find our way to the bikes worked like a charm. We followed the directions my phone spit at us and eventually found our way back to the bikes. Tuck’s old Ford Bronco sat behind our bikes leaving me to question if he followed us on our way here.
“Well do you kids want a ride back to town?”
Tuck asked, his voice bellowing across the forest. Seriously it was like the guy swallowed a loudspeaker at some point and just spoke through it now.
“No we’ll find our own way back.”
“Alrighty then, stay safe son.”
Tuck called back to me as he got into his truck and drove off. Bianca and I stood up our bikes and got ready to head back to town.
“Hey Keith?”
“Yeah what is it Bianca?”
“Next time you offer to bring me along somewhere can you warn me about the damn thunderbird that seems to just show up around you.”
I laughed at this, it was nice to see Bianca joking around again. After what happened in the caves she seemed like someone else, none of her usual cheeriness was there. Not that I knew if that was what she wanted me to see from her or how she actually presented herself but still. I trusted her enough at this point to assume she wasn’t using her abilities to mess with my head.
When we got back to Bianca’s house the sun was just beginning to set, washing the town in shades of purple, orange, and red. We walked the bikes around to their place behind the house and I walked Bianca back to the front door.
“Thanks for today Keith,I don’t… get out very much anymore and it was… nice… to do something other than sit around the house for once. You know, despite everything that happened it was actually fun.”
I was taken aback by her words at first. If it was me I’d immediately want nothing to do with this person who just put me in danger.
“You had fun? The thunderbird showed up again and we may have killed a guy and you had fun?”
I asked, raising and eyebrow suspiciously.
“Can we not talk about that right now? Anyways I don’t exactly have a high bar for what is and isn’t fun at this point. I’ll see you later Keith.”
Bianca said, cracking a smile and walking into her house.
I was about halfway back to my own house when I realized she never gave me my backpack back. Well, looks like I’d be seeing her again then because I need that stuff back. I wasn’t sure what to think about what I’d seen today. If the thunderbird was in those mines years ago why did she end up in Wisconsin? There was also a very real possibility some people in this town worshipped her so I’d have to keep an eye out for that. The really interesting thing to me was the Shaoni never seemed to want to hurt me in the cave today. She was terrifying as all hell sure, but I didn’t get the sense that she wanted to cause me any sort of harm. If she wanted to do that my gut told me she would’ve done it quickly and efficiently.
Thunder suddenly cracked outside, interrupting my train of thought. As I stood up to see what time it was a knock came from the front door. I froze, who exactly could it be? I doubt Bianca would come over, I don’t think she even knows where I live but maybe she came by to drop off the backpack she absconded with? The knock came again, more forcefully this time.
“I’m coming, I’m coming!”
I shouted, as I jogged to the door. My heart dropped as soon as I opened it, On the other side of the door stood Shaoni. She was dressed normally for once, wearing a long flowing white nightgown. Shaoni stepped into my house as she cooed in her usual misty voice.
“Good evening. Keith was it? We have much to discuss.”

[First] [Previous] [Next]
When I wake up the next day, my head is swirling with questions. As I get up from my bed and go to clean myself, I can’t help but question everything! Did last night actually happen? I am pretty sure it did, but it all felt so bizarre… and wonderful! There’s a planetarium in the city, and it is magical in the most literal sense of the word! There are books on magic there, too! So I can probably start studying and learning more next time I visit!

Speaking of books… I have something to check there, don’t I?

As soon as I am out of the bathroom I go to the living room to get my pills and then, I start passing the pages of Humiko’s book. As I reach the ‘Epilogue’ section, I confirm to my horror that the words have completely disappeared.

In a panic, fearing the worst, I check my notes… oh, good, those were still here.

“What, were you fearing they would simply disappear too? Idiot.”

“Hey, with magic we really know nothing. It could have happened!”

I do feel a little silly but, yeah. For all we know, it could have happened. The point is that it didn’t!

Breathing way easier now, I sit down on one of the couches and sigh. Picking up my phone, I can confirm that it's Friday and it’s already eleven past noon. I guess this time I am justified in sleeping so much? But at the same time, I can’t help but feel a little guilty.

“Because you’re being lazy, even with your free time.”

With another deep sigh, I try to ignore the voices and just look straight up at the ceiling, tapping my chin for a moment.

How do we proceed from here?

Pelafina said I shouldn’t visit the Elysium early, because it gets full of people. I wonder how true that is… actually, I wonder how true anything she said was.

“Since when are you this distrustful?”

I don’t know. I don’t even know why I lied to her in the first place, but I just felt that this phrase, the one long complete phrase I managed to translate, is far more important than I know. I can’t share it… I actually don’t want to share anything with this lady?

“She will probably send the Cloaks if you stop cooperating though.”

That much I know, and I hate it. She has all the control over the situation!

“There’s one thing she can’t control though. She has no idea about your internet activity now, does she?”

… Good point. I have to focus on that!

I actually have to get back to GalaxyTaco, too! See what he's been doing and all that!

“But before all that, breakfast.”

Ah, right. Almost forgot… although, wouldn’t it be better to just ask for lunch at this point?

“Fair.”

Yes! Time for a burger.

“They feel blander and blander every time you buy one. Why even bother?”

Because they are still delicious, and more importantly, they are cheap and fast!

I quickly order a special Bisontian burger, with extra cheese of course, and then sit back down at the table, connecting my computer to the TER and tapping away a message at GalaxyTaco, to let them know I am up. Then, I write down my discoveries in the file I’m keeping. I’ll transcribe them to the notepad later.

I am adding the symbols (which I’ve learned are called Runes after a visit to the Elysium), meanings and effects I’ve learned. I’ve also learned that I can create Glyphs, which are combinations of Runes to create different effects. I wonder if they are phrases in the language!

Speaking of. They don’t even know it’s a language, they just seem to assume the symbols have effects and that’s it! Maybe they use it, but they haven’t fully grasped the implications yet.

That feels surprisingly shallow though. Just how much knowledge do these people have of magic? Is magic a recent discovery?

Or is there something else keeping people ignorant…?

The burger arrives not too long after I am done writing. I eat it while ruminating on the subject a bit further. They are not idiots, are they? To me, the first thing that comes to my mind when seeing symbols if they are part of a bigger language or something like that. Then again, maybe the lack of translation dissuaded them from experimenting further?

Stuff is not fitting as nicely as I wish…

I am about to write a little more when suddenly, I am added to a group in my messenger service. GalaxyTaco is alive! But not only them! There’s two other people in the conversation too.

Panic ensues, at least for a moment.

“Okay. Just keep calm.” I tell to myself. “Take a deep breath… phew… and let’s do this.”

My fingers are preparing to write some quick and tasteless introduction, when suddenly someone beats me to the punch.

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: HIIIIIII!! ^0^!!

Oh no. A weeb, and a very strong one at that. I can feel her aura, her reiatsu, pushing down on me like a wave of augmented gravity. There are two chances here: I either get along real well with this person, or we hate each other on sight. There’s no middle ground among us.

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: don’t be shy! :3 we’re friends here, I swear!

Well they are being real nice at least. Could be worse, they could be souseiseki.

man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): yo, you there?

Who the hell are these people!? I assume they are friends of GalaxyTaco, right? I really want to be patient but, damn it, new people get me nervous so easily…

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Hi there, hi! n.nUu sorry, this whole deal took me by surprise.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: ohhhh it is fine! uwu gal-kun told us everything!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: you must be so scared Dx I know I was when I got started!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Well it has certainly been a journey, heheh n.n but I’ve managed.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I found the Elysium last night so, at least there’s that!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good job, that’s a big advancement actually
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): next you gotta find the clinic, though
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: There’s a clinic too? O.o
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): yep. but we’ll explain all that later
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): i’m canny btw. cannedtea at the forum, remember me?

My face burns a little bit when remembering this guy. I wasn’t expecting to find him again so quickly.

“Gay.”

Shut up.

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: the name’s Aoi! ^0^/ UwU28 at the forum!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: sorry I didn’t comment your topic, i am a bit shy xwxUu
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: It’s all fine, no worries n.n I’m Tav! But you two probably know that already
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): it bears repeating, girl. it bears repeating.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yeah! ^^/
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: alright I’m back! sorry I was seeing grandma to bed heheh

I sigh in relief, cleaning the sweat off my brow. Thanks saints, this was going to be a little too much for me to handle alone!

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: oh hey gal-kun ~
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: reading up I see you’re all introduced, good good!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: now I just gotta introduce the plan to you Tav, so pay attention!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I’m ready! o.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: alright, so
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: to avoid 82’s wrath?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: canny here will be your voucher.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: huh?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: just put him in your profile and he’ll cover for you.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: And you’re okay with that, Canny? ;w; really!?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): eyeup, don’t worry girl. I gotchu.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: canny-kun and mort-sama covered for me when I just got in too :3 he’s the best!

For a moment I blink. Huh? Covered for Aoi? Does that mean they are also a Bastard Mage? What does that mean? Did they just find the link somewhere, too?

Questions for later, I guess.

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Thank you so much Canny! ;w;
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): no prob bob
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): is it chill if I add you? you seem cool
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah, of course! :3 Add away! You too, Aoi-chan.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: EEEEE! Arigatou!! ^w^ <3 <3
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: oh yeah that reminds me.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: Aoi, ain’t you forgetting something?
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: ah right!!! Tavy! what are your pronouns? o.o!

What?

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: you put you’d rather not say your gender and that’s so cool! I wanna know what to call you though! uwu
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: if that’s okay of course ^.^
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: Aoi that is NOT what I meant damn it!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): nono, she’s right.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): sorry i kept callin you girl
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: not you too canny… focus!

I have never been asked that before… I mean, I have, by computers. But by people, it feels… odd.

I like it.

“You’re going to start with your delusions again?”

“They can identify as anything. Stop being so harsh!”

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: … I think I will go with she/her.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Is that okay? n.n
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): girl, don’t ask US
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): ask yourself
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): not the mean voice of anxiety, not the shit your guardians told ya
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): are YOU okay with it?

I feel the words pierce my chest for a moment. I gasp for air, my eyes opening a little more.

“This is all just play pretend. Don’t take it so much to heart.”

Shut up.

“What!?”

I said shut up. This time, this is for me. I decide this.

“You little ungrateful asshole…”

I want this. This makes me feel good and I will seize it. And you can go kiss my ass, you hear me!?

“...”

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: … Yeah. Yeah, I think I am okay with it n//n
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): atta girl
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): it’s chill to call you a girl right?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yeah yeah, I like it! n.n
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yayayay Tavy-chan! :3
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: huh. that’s unexpectedly wholesome…
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: but let’s focus! Aoi! do you have the book?
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: right here boss! o.o7

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!! has sent you bastard_recipe_book.pdf
Accept?

Huh? A pdf? I hesitate for a moment but, hell, maybe it’s magic and magic can’t get viruses or something. I just click it.

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: this is the rulebook for us Bastards, don’t tell nobody about it though OoO!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: it’s a seecret~
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: A secret book… now that’s cool uwu
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): man, tav’s first secret
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): granny get the camera
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: lol
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: no but really, read it, study it well
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: it’s all vital.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: will do! I’ll print it and get to it right now
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: NO!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: TAVY-CHAN WAIT
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): wait a sec tav
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Huh? O.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: don’t print that one!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yeah you can’t print magic books, it’s risky
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): the runes can activate and shit would go boom
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Oh, okay o.o
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Man I hate reading on the computer! ;w;
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: sorry tavy-chan ;w;!! but that’s the only way!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: yeah… anyways, I gotta go to bed, real badly.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: I trust you got it from here right?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yep! n.n
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: byeeee everyone!! uwu see you in dejima!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): see you around

I sigh and slowly lean back on my chair. That was intense, way too intense… but I am smiling. Really, this is some proper progress! I finally have tools to work on my own! Maybe I can even translate some more after learning magic!

“Are you sure that’s all you’re happy about?~”

… Shut up. Don’t look too deep into the whole ‘pronoun’ thing.

I am opening the file I got when, suddenly, another message hits me.

It’s from Canny!

man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): hey tav
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): if you don’t wanna read it on computer you can get it physical.

Whuh?

man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): you said you found an elysium, was it in a library?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yeah! o.o
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): thought so
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): look through the mundane part of the library, specifically in the section where you get cooking recipes
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): see if you can find a cheap notebook that says ‘MAGIC’ in it.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): open it, say ‘jantar mantar’ to it, and that’s your ticket.

My eyes light up. A secret book, hidden under the cloak’s noses like that? That’s perfect!

man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): the book’s written in draconic, which basically means only mages can read the real shit and you can’t destroy it
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Wait what? O.o Draconic? Are dragons a thing here?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): not anymore they ain’t
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Aww :c
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Wait,I can’t destroy it? O.o No matter how much I try?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): i mean, you can, but it won’t do nothin
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): don’t worry about it
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ok! n.n but hey I don’t know Draconic D:!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): don’t worry about it girlie
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yay! n.n I will go get it then
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): get some other books too, in case you’re being tailed.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good luck tav
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Thank you Canny!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah! I will be on my phone so don’t send me magic stuff for a while, okay?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): gonna teach you the glyph for your phone later.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yipee!! n.n
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah hell, sorry for that úwu
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): you’re fine girl
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good luck.

I feel motivated, so motivated that I stand up immediately, close my computer, and finish my hamburger on the spot.

“Going out again!? Hah.”

I am running out of mean things to say, that’s a good sign.

“Don’t count on it.”

“You are doing great. Let’s go! The day’s young and we have notes to take!”

Yes! I don’t even notice the door in my way this time! I just go out and hop my way over to the elevator.

To the library! Again!

“The Order of the Stone” * Let Reuben get a black eye. * Go back to save Lukas. * Help Gabriel. * Convince Lukas to stay. * Choose to seek Magnus, with Axel.
“Assembly Required” * Attack the ghast, with a sword. * Give Axel the amulet. * Go by the name “The Amulet Holder”. * Depart at night.
“The Last Place You Look” * Save Axel and Reuben. * Follow Lukas through the End. * High-five Reuben. * Reveal the secret. * Choose Magnus’s armour.
“A Block and a Hard Place” * Convince Lukas to stay. * Enter the witch hut to take the cake. * Craft a diamond pickaxe. * Keep your old armour. * Convince Gabriel to keep the secret.
“Order Up!” * Let Ivor’s house stand. * Run from the guards. * Save the Founder. * Bring Aiden. * Make Isa and Milo share power.
“A Portal to Mystery“ * Show Sparklez the Flint & Steel. * Accuse Dan. * Help fight off the spiders. * Convince the others about Cassie. * Leave Cassie with Winslow.
“Access Denied” * Make nice with Petra. * Be uncooperative with PAMA. * Unchip Petra. * Use invisibility potion. * Defend Harper.
“A Journey’s End?” * Rescue Ivor. * Agree to work with Em. * Save Nell. * Reject Hadrian’s new deal. * Bring Em back.
“Hero in Residence” * Sneak in to Stella’s treasure room. * Leave Radar in charge of Beacontown. * Tell Petra to be herself. * Chose the arrow tower structure block. * Help Petra.
“Giant Consequences” * Leave Radar to guard the clock. * Tell Petra that adventure is her calling. * Go with Lukas and Radar. * Choose Petra to destroy the clock. * Free Stella.
“Jailhouse Block” * Refuse to work for the Warden. * Refuse to shear Geoff. * Have Stella inside of Romeo’s trust. * Bring Lluna. * Stay behind to help Xara.
“Below the Bedrock” * Don’t accept the scavengers’ deal. * Win the trivia contest. * Promise to always wait for Petra. * Give Xara her bed. * Bring Fred’s people to the surface.
“Above and Beyond” * Tell Jack to be himself. * Destroy Romeo’s statue for Nell. * Try to reason with Romeo. * Bring Romeo. * Stay in Beacontown.

Hello there Weary Traveler,
I'm off on a journey to find a player 2, I have tried the IRL stuff but due to my distain for social gatherings or going out on the town I can say it has been a failure. I'm just a homebody introvert who would rather game or binge shows all day than go out. I have always been a geek, I grew up surrounded by comic books and old sci-fi (Star Trek and Doctor Who), gaming has been in my life since I was young and I've always used it as a way to channel my frustration into something I enjoy. Currently I collect comics and have a few favorites, I still game and you can catch me on Destiny 2 almost all the time, and anime is more a recent love but I did watch Bleach when it was first airing and loved it.
Description of myself: 6ft, dadbod, beard, glasses, tattoos (only 2 atm), wears converse, and looks like a geeky lumberjack or a bear (you decide lol).
When it comes to finding someone I can say that a persons personality sticks out the most to me, I've never been huge on looks (partially cause I was bullied for mine), my only thing when it comes to looks is just have good hygiene. I would like someone to be shorter than me, but wont cry if we are the same height.
If you dare to take a stab at it then please HMU, but please don't message me "hi", it will tell me that you didn't read my post and that you aren't really interested in me. If you do message me try:
Telling me about yourself (Age, and location please)
Giving me your best geeky pick up line, or funniest one
or Ask me questions to test me geekness, I like a challenge
If you do message me and you read my whole post message me your favorite food and then one of the topics I said above. Hope to have some great conversations.
Bonus points if you know what I'm referencing in the title.

Hello there Weary Traveler,
I'm off on a journey to find a player 2, I have tried the IRL stuff but due to my distain for social gatherings or going out on the town I can say it has been a failure. I'm just a homebody introvert who would rather game or binge shows all day than go out. I have always been a geek, I grew up surrounded by comic books and old sci-fi (Star Trek and Doctor Who), gaming has been in my life since I was young and I've always used it as a way to channel my frustration into something I enjoy. Currently I collect comics and have a few favorites, I still game and you can catch me on Destiny 2 almost all the time, and anime is more a recent love but I did watch Bleach when it was first airing and loved it.
Description of myself: 6ft, dadbod, beard, glasses, tattoos (only 2 atm), wears converse, and looks like a geeky lumberjack or a bear (you decide lol).
When it comes to finding someone I can say that a persons personality sticks out the most to me, I've never been huge on looks (partially cause I was bullied for mine), my only thing when it comes to looks is just have good hygiene. I would like someone to be shorter than me, but wont cry if we are the same height.
If you dare to take a stab at it then please HMU, but please don't message me "hi", it will tell me that you didn't read my post and that you aren't really interested in me. If you do message me try:
Telling me about yourself (Age, and location please)
Giving me your best geeky pick up line, or funniest one
or Ask me questions to test me geekness, I like a challenge
If you do message me and you read my whole post message me your favorite food and then one of the topics I said above. Hope to have some great conversations.
Bonus points if you know what I'm referencing in the title.