Hi All (cross-posted!)
I want to write down an experience I had yesterday, and see if perhaps you can help me understand why it shook me so bad and hit me right in my already emotionally heightened state due to the very overstimulating, crowded space I was in.
Autism situation: 36F, currently in process of booking tests to get officially diagnosed. However, I do self-diagnose to be an AuDHD person due to all tests, talks and self-research I've already had/done.
Situation autism remark: yesterday there was a tattoo convention where there were flash-ink sales being done. A friend of mine did an awesome looking ear tattoo and I said I'd be interested to do a similar one so she referred me to the correct artist. I waited a few minutes at that artist's booth until she was ready with another tattoo, and just checked out the other flash designs on her table. When she approached me, she asked what I wanted. I over-explained I'd like an ear tattoo and that I liked parts of her designs, but not particularly the floral/plant-"flowy" parts, that I did like them but that those sort of designs weren't for me but perhaps for someone else. She looks at me and immediately says: "You are someone who likes structure, clear and neat.". I was kind of taken aback and stumbled a confirmation, and then she said: "that's OK, being autistic is OK." or something in that line. She then went back to her other customer to receive payment.
I don't know why but that remark hit me like a brick. I immediately felt flustered and embarrassed even though she really said it in a friendly tone and when it was time for my tattoo, she saw I wasn't feeling OK (tears in my eyes which I was trying to suppress), we had a good talk and I asked her why she saw/knew I was autistic, if it was something I did. She spoke very reassuring and calm, very respectful and we really did have a good talk even if it did not last long, where she positively reinforced the idea that I am on a discovery journey and it is normal to feel as if it will feel more bad or worse, before it becomes better and it is indeed an adjustment but that that is OK and that I am welcome in the world and not a burden to people (I kept on apologizing for acting so stupid emotional about her remark).
I spoke shortly about that I am in process of getting an official diagnoses, and apparently she signaled to my husband that she herself too is AuDHD but I missed that due to not wearing my glasses. I am wondering whether this is a case of "it takes one to know one", and I should try to let it go or if there is more at play. She never specifically explained why she knew I was autistic and it keep replaying in my head. She is a tattoo artist from a neighboring country so I will very likely never see her again. I did take her business card and am wondering: would it be weird to contact her about this? This was the first time ever that someone so directly "diagnosed" me and she does not even know me, merely by observing me. Why does that "bother" me? I keep replaying that moment in my head now.

Hi All,
I want to write down an experience I had yesterday, and see if perhaps you can help me understand why it shook me so bad and hit me right in my already emotionally heightened state due to the very overstimulating, crowded space I was in.
Autism situation: 36F, currently in process of booking tests to get officially diagnosed. However, I do self-diagnose to be an AuDHD person due to all tests, talks and self-research I've already had/done.
Situation autism remark: yesterday there was a tattoo convention where there were flash-ink sales being done. A friend of mine did an awesome looking ear tattoo and I said I'd be interested to do a similar one so she referred me to the correct artist. I waited a few minutes at that artist's booth until she was ready with another tattoo, and just checked out the other flash designs on her table. When she approached me, she asked what I wanted. I over-explained I'd like an ear tattoo and that I liked parts of her designs, but not particularly the floral/plant-"flowy" parts, that I did like them but that those sort of designs weren't for me but perhaps for someone else. She looks at me and immediately says: "You are someone who likes structure, clear and neat.". I was kind of taken aback and stumbled a confirmation, and then she said: "that's OK, being autistic is OK." or something in that line. She then went back to her other customer to receive payment.
I don't know why but that remark hit me like a brick. I immediately felt flustered and embarrassed even though she really said it in a friendly tone and when it was time for my tattoo, she saw I wasn't feeling OK (tears in my eyes which I was trying to suppress), we had a good talk and I asked her why she saw/knew I was autistic, if it was something I did. She spoke very reassuring and calm, very respectful and we really did have a good talk even if it did not last long, where she positively reinforced the idea that I am on a discovery journey and it is normal to feel as if it will feel more bad or worse, before it becomes better and it is indeed an adjustment but that that is OK and that I am welcome in the world and not a burden to people (I kept on apologizing for acting so stupid emotional about her remark).
I spoke shortly about that I am in process of getting an official diagnoses, and apparently she signaled to my husband that she herself too is AuDHD but I missed that due to not wearing my glasses. I am wondering whether this is a case of "it takes one to know one", and I should try to let it go or if there is more at play. She never specifically explained why she knew I was autistic and it keep replaying in my head. She is a tattoo artist from a neighboring country so I will very likely never see her again. I did take her business card and am wondering: would it be weird to contact her about this? This was the first time ever that someone so directly "diagnosed" me and she does not even know me, merely by observing me. Why does that "bother" me? I keep replaying that moment in my head now.

Okay, now this is the actual penultimate chapter until things really kick off and Chekov's artillery brigade rains hell upon our favorite characters. Make sure to stay tuned for the next chapter to not miss a thing! As always, thanks again to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating this world we've had so much fun digging deeper into, and thanks to u/Acceptable_Egg5560 for cowriting this with me. Just try not to get your account hacked again, that was ass.
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Memory Transcription Subject: Vekna, Startled Investigative Journalist. Date [Standardized Human Time]: October 31st, 2136
Gah, why do they have to make alarms so loud??
Malcos’ whips his head around, looking at an abandoned console as it begins to light up with all manner of alerts and alarms. Many voices start pouring into the room at the same time, each garbled slightly by the console’s obviously older speaker system. Malcos rushes towards it and holds a corded microphone to his mouth. “Stop shouting! One at a time, what in the name of the Herd is going on up there?!”
Despite his attempts, the voices keep pouring in as a nearly incomprehensible mess of voices, but I, and it would seem Malcos as well, can just recognize something about a cloud of something topside. Upon receiving news that Sharnet enacted the first part of her plan, my tail starts to wag behind me, thumping into the side of the vent shaft before I can stop it. Malcos’ ears immediately swivel to my position and I just barely manage to duck away from the vent grate before he gets a look at me. I hold my breath as I listen to the chaos of the room beneath me. That was too close, I need to be more c-
-CHKCHKCHKCHKCHKCHKCHKSCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
The sudden noise startles me something awful, my chest starting to feel tight. No, I can’t. Just breathe in, hold, out, breathe in- okay that’s all I have time for. New alarms join the already existing one, sounding vastly different from the whines of before. I can just hear the door slide open briefly through the cacophony before a muffled voice yells out, “Sir! There’s a gas of some kind below!”
I crawl back, angling myself just right to get a view of what the guard’s talking about. To my shock, I see a rich purple gas spewing out of every ventilation shaft and flowing like water into the hanger down below. But that means…Sharnet, what did you do?? I quickly lick a finger and hold it up to the flowing wind of the shaft. I can feel it flowing towards the direction of the noise that startled me, meaning that I likely only have a sparse few [seconds] before I’m hit with a face-full of that gas. Given where I am, I can reasonably assume what it’s likely to be.
As can Malcos.
The scarred Venlil bleats exasperatedly and slams his paw on the console. “Oh for Spehk’s Sake!! Guards, clear the catwalks and make sure that these two get masks. They need to be sober for what’s about to happen to them!” Malcos bares his teeth at Vane, who beeps like the coward he always was. Malcos starts walking over to one of the emergency boxes, pulling a mask out of one of them. Aha!! “After leading the journalists right to us, you’d better be glad I’m not killing you myself, Vane. The Exterminators will do far wor-”
As Malcos is just starting to put on his mask, I kick out the ventilation grate and fall down into the room. The occupants barely have time to react before I’ve landed atop one of the guards, quickly pressing my gun to the side of their head and pulling the trigger. To my severe relief, only a buzz emits and the unmarked Exterminator falls to the ground like a bunch of pipes. I roll away as the guard lands, righting myself just in time to get a shot off on the other guard. They, too, fall down to the ground. Now, emergency kit!!
I look around frantically for what feels like an eternity until I spot an unattended one on the wall adjacent. I can vaguely see Vane and Clemmit conspiring over something, but that’s an issue for once I’m safeguarded from who-knows-what-drug that’s about to fill the room. I stand and tear open a rickety, rusted emergency kit, clutching my weapon tightly in my hand as I grab the dusty mask held within. However, just as it separates from its brittle latchings, I feel an intense heat next to my paw and my weapon is blasted away from me. It ricochets off the wall and spins below another console, in the same direction as the source of the blast.
“So you’re one of the journalists, I presume,” Malcos’ gravelly voice growls behind his now-applied mask from across the room, a much more modern-looking plasma pistol clutched in his paw. How did I miss that he was armed? He wasn’t! When did he draw?! “I would ask whether you’re Sharnet or Vekna, but in truth I don’t much care. You both have graduated from annoyance to full-blown threat, and will now be treated as such. I assure you, my age hasn’t impacted my aim. Given how generous of a host I am, I’ll give you a demonstration!”
I just barely manage to duck down as I watch a bolt of plasma hit where my head had just been, followed by two more shots that both hit lower than the last. Thankfully, the mask had fallen with me, so I quickly slip it on…only to realize that it’s obviously designed for Kolshians. Why the Brahk is there a Kolshian mask in here?!? The effect of the anatomical mismatch is that the eye-holes don’t perfectly align with my actual eyes, resulting in most of my periphery being completely eliminated. So this is what it’s like to have forward-facing eyes. Figures I’d die as even more of a predator.
“If you think that I’ll let you or your meddling compatriot leave this place alive, you’re sorely mistaken.” Malcos growls out as I hear his footsteps and whirring brace approach, each pace slow and methodical as if he were toying with prey. “You are not the first I’ve killed in service of this empire, and you will not be the last! Not this paw! The Solgalick’s Eye aerosol will be the least of your issues without a working brain to process it, you meddling idiot!” As he moves closer, I take a deep breath, allowing myself the full cycle this time around.
In, hold, out.
In, hold, out.
…Focus, breathe…
…Calm.
Malcos may think he’s taunting his prey, but all he’s doing is enraging another Predator.
With speed I didn’t know I had, I swing around the side of the console and charge towards Malcos. He attempts to shoot me, but I just barely manage to weave through his shots. No matter his skill, our eyes will always make aiming difficult. I can see him pulling the trigger again as my head connects with his torso, sending the both of us flying backwards towards the observation windows. I can hear the air leave Malcos’ lungs, but I likewise feel a horrible, burning strip across my back.
We both fall down to the ground on opposite sides of what looks like an depressed, open-concept control center. I can hear the older Venlil hack and wheeze as he tries to refill his lungs as I reach a few fingers to my back, trying to ascertain the source of the pain. To my dismay, they return lightly coated with blood, confirming a hit. Thankfully, the shot had been glancing, but that still left me with a nasty burn from the plasma. Bastard.
I manage to stand, pushing the stinging pain of my wound as far back in my mind as I can. Malcos, still wheezing, props himself against a wall-bound console as he glares at me with the furious hatred of a thousand suns. “W-Why You… You have the…audacity?? I’ll kill you myself, you vyalpic dyke!!” I see him start to lift his arm, so I leap across space and tackle him onto the stairs. I hear a shot zip past my shoulder as I wrap my paws around his weapon, fighting desperately to rip the weapon out of his grasp.
“You- Won’t- Win- This!” Malcos cries and he writes and thrusts against me as we wrestle for control of the firearm. Despite my best efforts, he begins to get the better of me as the path of the barrel shakes closer and closer to my head. Once it reaches a point of no return, I quickly dodge in the direction of the barrel and let off my pressure, taking a severe chance that he overshoots and gives me the advantage. I see the barrel whiz past the binocular areas I can see through, and my right ear is nearly singed by the blast.
That’s right, you monstrous bastard, you can’t best a fellow predator!
I quickly moved to wrench the gun from his weakened grip. This is my last chance!! I feel my claws being resisted by an object, and pull with the most force I ever have. The implement goes flying out of his paws, shattering one of the observation windows as it falls to the drug-filled cavern below. Guess the windows were made with silicon glass instead of Lucinsteel. Cheap. I turn my attention towards Malcos, looking as his features betrayed his horror at being bested. I don’t care how bad this makes me, I won’t let you-
Before I can finish that thought, my vision multiplies as I’m hit in the head by a point-blank headbutt from Malcos, the disorientation causing me to lose my balance and fall down to the ground. Gah, that Herd-damned-! By the time I regain enough faculties to look around, I see…nothing? Right, periphery! I quickly swivel my head to scan the room as purple gas starts to pour in from the vents. Lo and behold, there’s Malcos making a break for the door.
Unfortunately, he had been able to get too much of a head start, allowing him to reach the door before I even make it to my feet. He looks back at me after tampering with the control panel, a malicious expression on his scarred face. “Enjoy being locked in here! If Vane isn’t going to take the fall, then I suppose you will! Enjoy your fiery death, Bitch!” He then slams the door shut, likely making it towards the lifts to exit using the same maintenance tunnel we used to get here. His comment makes me realize that Vane and Clemmit are no longer here either, meaning they must have escaped during the fight.
Thankfully, I prepared for such an occasion.
I remember how the vent is a straight shot towards the lifts, as opposed to the twists and turns of the catwalks. If I run through them, I’ll be able to beat Malcos to the lifts. Perhaps I should let him get a whiff of the fumes. With the mask having survived the headbutt, I rush towards the vent and pull myself into it, with slightly more trouble thanks to the burn on my back. Not caring about stealth now, I stand in the large vent and run as fast as I can against the air blowing against me. I Need to beat him there.
It’s only a few [seconds] before I come to the vent, and almost before I can think, I jump kick through and come to a landing… on Malcos’ shoulders. We both go tumbling to the floor, part of my torso almost hanging over the edge of the suspended catwalk. Oh that tingle doesn’t feel good. Malcos grunts as he struggles to right himself thanks to the exhaustion from our efforts, the cavern below us and even our own feet now completely blocked by purple clouds. I can feel myself panting as well, but I don’t care. Malcos needs to go down.
“OUT OF MY WAY!!” Malcos screams as he charges at me this time, his head leveled right for my stomach. That’s right you violent bastard, do that. I muster all the strength I can and jump up, my groin just barely clearing his skull. He stumbles forward in an attempt to stop, and I take the opportunity to tackle him to the ground, my claws slipping under his mask and pulling it off his face. Malcos gasps as he realizes what’s going on, but it’s too late to do anything about it.
“You locked the door and left me alone, did you now?” I hiss venomously in Malcos’ ear, a horrible ecstasy flowing through me at the opportunity to enact all my deepest, predatory desires under the guise of righteous fury. If I have to become a monster to stop a monster, then it’s all worth it. “Very hypocritical, Malcos.”
I keep myself steady on top of him as he tries to squirm away, this time being face down as not to pose another headbutting risk. His arms flail behind him as I hear him take more and more breaths of whatever substance Sharnet released into the vents. I can tell that it’s having an effect, as his movements start to become slower, heavier. As I think about that, though, I begin to realize something alarming. My own are doing the same.
I CAN’T BREATHE!!
I should have expected a shortlung attack with all this, but me being the fool I am, I hoped that it wouldn’t come. I fall off of Malcos as I start to root around in my pouch. I can barely see through the restrictive eye-holes of the mask, so I go off of tactile feeling alone. Nonononono-YES!! I pull out a bulb of my inhalant, the last one I have actually. I quickly seal it with the filter latches in the mask and squeeze. My chest suddenly feels like it’s as big as the cavern itself and I’m allowed to breathe again. Once I have some oxygen in my system, I swivel around to look for our target.
A clearly inebriated Malcos stumbles a fair distance away from me, entering one of the lifts as he slurs something to me that I can’t quite understand. I quickly stand and bolt into the second lift, watching as he makes his way towards the tunnel. However, as I’m descending, I see something unexpected. Far further, towards another set of lifts that went all the way down to the loading area, are Vane and Clemmit. The latter is almost dragging the former towards them due to the differences in mobility, both of them having species-appropriate masks. The Yotul must have managed to get the braces back on him!
I think that I can probably stop them if I make it, but I don’t want to leave Sharnet to deal with Malcos alone. He might be running now, but what will his drug-addled mind do when faced with whatever inescapable obstacle she has cooked up? I briefly look between the two groups before making the clear and obvious decision. If Vane escapes, he escapes. Malcos can Not go free again. I veer in the direction that the predatory overseer goes. He’s surprisingly fast like this.
As he closes in on the tunnel, the gas starts to fill all the way up to the roof of the cavern. It’s so thick that I lose sight of Malcos for a brief moment, thanks in part to the awful visibility from behind the mask. Beats breathing in whatever this stuff is at least. As I near the tunnel as well, I can just make out a silhouette ascending the stairs, the gentle whirring of his brace giving Malcos away. I hasten my pursuit, pushing the limits of my medication as I bound up the inordinately long flight of stairs after him.
He Won't Escape This Time, not if I can help it!!
{-Command Requested: Awaiting Input-}
{-[USERID-11229KMD]: switchTrns_Sub -}
{Oh my God, do you have to look at every single angle of this fight? Get on with it!!}
{...Whatever, just hurry it up. You’re going to get behind on your courses at this rate.}
{-Please Enter Name: [Sharnet] -}
{-Searching… 11639 Matches Found-}
{-Import Timeframe Settings? (Y)/N -}
{-Importing…11 Matches Found-}
{-Import Last Location? (Y)/N -}
{-Importing…1 Match Found-}
{-Play From Last Timestamp? (Y)/N -}
{-Playing…-}
Memory Transcription Subject: Sharnet, Crafty Investigative Journalist. Date [Standardized Human Time] October 31st, 2136
I had to think fast. Malcos was a drug lord, he would have a gun for certain. I either had to pin him in a way that his arms couldn’t grab the gun, or trap him in a way that I would be out of his line of fire! Okay! But he would have to have some experience with violence given his past. Actual experience that I didn’t have, no matter how many times I got angry and lashed out.
That cut out any plan of pinning him down, leaving only trapping. I needed to think about what I have around. The herds had already cleared out, they had knocked over all the guiding ropes and tail poles that organized how pilgrims traveled through the temple. Hm, I can’t use others to take him-
Wait! Rope!!
I dashed towards where a strand was tied to a pillar, my body moving almost as fast as I could think. When building the refugee shelter, Jacob has shown everyone how to make a kind of lasso loop to help haul things up into ceiling. Tie a knot leaving a loop, and pass the other end of the rope through that loop. Pull on the rope, and the newly created lasso would close around whatever was inside. I could set it down where Malcos would run when he exited the passage and pull it tight around his leg when he emerged!
My hands moved fast, finishing the knot at the same time as my thoughts. I carried it next to the exit, laying the trap upon the floor where he would have to step. I would be able to pull him- Wait, even if I pulled from behind the pillar, he would still possibly be able to run towards me to shoot me. No, I need to pull it from somewhere he can’t easily reach.
My eyes cast themselves around the room, taking it all in as I tried to deduce the best position. There were all the pillars out in the foundation area, but their design was such that they couldn’t be climbed on. However, the room itself had an elevated walk-around so people could get another point of view of Solgalick’s statue. High ground, perfect!
I dashed to the access stairs, trailing the rope behind me so as not to disturb the lasso loop. I heard my claws clink against the metal stairs as I climbed. I could feel my chest aching from the exertion, but I couldn’t give up now. Not when I’m so close!
I didn’t know what I was doing, while I also did know. I was acting faster than my conscious mind could keep up, and I had no qualms about that. The faster I could perform my tasks, the better a chance I’d have to catch Malcos. I just finished climbing the stars, so I looked over th-
ALREADY?!?!
A Venlil form that certainly wasn’t Vekna emerged from the tunnel, and I had already pulled the rope to ensnare them by the time I realized what was going on. I watched as the rope tightened the noose around the Venlil’s paw. Hah, th-
They Sidestepped.
Somehow, someway, the Venlil I could reasonably assume to be Malcos managed to get their paw out of the way, stumbling severely upon the completion of their impossible feat. I felt my heart jump into my throat as I scrambled for options. No trap! What now? Can’t get away! He needs to stop! How? Throw something! Knock him out!
I reached into my travel pack, ripping out the first thing that my claws found purchase on and flinging it out in Malcos’ general direction, hoping that it hits. However, I noticed two things as it was sailing. Firstly, its trajectory was looking more towards the statue than Malcos. And secondly?
It’s the Brahking Egg. Of Course it is.
I was helpless to watch as it arced towards the statue, managing to it right on one of Solgalick’s braziers, the impact strong enough to shatter both the glass jar and the brittle metal neck of the suljiit. The egg plummeted to the ground, but to my surprise, it found my original target, splattering over the stumbling form of Malcos with a sickening crack. He bleated in shock and collapsed to the ground, his ears thrashing in alarm. Finally, it’s gone…now’s not the time for confused feelings!
Barely a [second] after my thought finished, the metal brazier falls from its now baseless-perch, the fall extinguishing the flame held within. Yet despite its similarly brittle appearance, the brazier remained intact as it fell directly on Malcos’ legs, resulting in another sickening crunch. However, the matching scream didn’t follow, Malcos just pawing at the air in front of him, waving his arms in front of his face. A face I only now recognized as having nothing over it. Huh, I thought he’d be smart enough to wear a mask.
I was about to head down to the ground floor to survey the damage, but then another form emerged from the tunnel. They wore what looked like a Kolshian mask, but I could recognize those shades of gray anywhere by now. “Vekna!” I called out to her.
Most likely due to the ill-fitting mask, she had to rotate her entire head to look at me through the eyeholes. Kind of like…I should check on her after this. But for now? “Check and make sure he’s still breathing! I-I can’t let him get off that easily!” She flicked her ears and started towards him, but she didn’t get far before something else caught our attention.
The sound of a shuttle taking off!
An absurd part of me that hadn’t kept up worried the shuttle was Malcos, that I had captured the wrong person, so I looked out of the sunlight slat to watch the horizon. I saw a shuttle take off from the nightward side of the temple and turn sunward to begin its ascent. I remembered the maps of this temple, where it rose had to have been connected to that secret hangar as well as any other normal shuttle bays. And whoever was piloting it must have avoided the drugs, making their escape right now! Speh! I wanted to get them all-
An ear-splitting -KRAKOOMM- sounded from all around me, accompanied by a bright flash of light.
Lightning? Here??
The lightning seemed to carve itself out of the sky as the bolt struck the shuttle in one of its engines, causing it to trail smoke. It began to list more and more sunward until it was just about pointed directly at it before another boom sounded…and the shuttle was gone. Did it…did it engage FTL in-atmosphere? I wasn’t into ships like Vekna was, but something told me that going FTL in the air while pointed towards the sun wouldn’t turn out good.
It was directly into the gravity well of the star. It’ll take a miracle for whoever that was to survive, and I doubt anyone here has that kind of favor. Especially if that’s the bastard I think it was.
I was shaken from my thoughts by the sound of a loud clang from below. Looking down, I saw the faceplate that had adorned the statue cracked in half on the ground. Speh, right, the property damage. I looked up to see how bad it was, only to be further baffled. Under where the second suljiit had been was what looked like a shortsword of some kind, made of the same pristine marble as the…statue…
That face is Definitely Not Venlil. Not even counting the clear nostrils carved into its uncharacteristically angular snout, a third eye stared out from the center of Solgalick’s forehead, shining with a thin red light reflecting from a gemstone in its pupil. One that looked almost exactly like how the temple compound had from above, as if Solgalick Themselves were staring into the soul of everyone within this room, judging. But wait, this statue was supposedly carved before the Federation even got here. What…
…I’m going to have a Lot of questions about this.
For now, though, we needed to continue our plan. I dialed up the High Magister as I flew down the stairs, rushing over to Vekna. She had since discarded her Kolshian-intended mask and was looking between me and…well, everything else. “Sharnet! What was- what’s- did you see the- and then the mask, it-”
Before she could pose another half-question, the call went through and the visage of a tan Venlil stared back at us. Their fur was marked with brown stripes down as far as the camera’s field of vision went. They were backed by two Exterminators, likely agents of Malcos like the ones down in the cavern. Once they caught sight of us, they split their ears in concerned confusion. “Hello? Who is this? How did you get this CIN??”
“Yes, hello, High Magister Yiven?” I asked, not waiting for a response to pan my holonote’s camera down towards the very high, and equally crippled, Malcos at our feet. “As you can well see, we’ve taken care of your boss quite handily. His payouts will no longer grace the local office. In that spirit, I believe that you should call a Code Zero if you know what’s good for you.”
It was still a bit surprising how silent Malcos was. Now that the chaos was finally over, I was able to get a good look at him. His legs were definitely broken, with what looked like a medical brace hanging mangled off his left side. He looked to have a lot of scars, especially on his egg-covered face. I noticed that he was bathed in a red light, seeming to come from a gemstone embedded in the statue’s third eye. It bounced the light from our star down upon him, a terrified look etched on Malcos’ face. Hopefully all those drugs are making him see a fraction of the damnation he’s earned, but for now he needs to face our mortal judgment.
“It-it’s him!” I heard someone say from my holonote, “that’s Malcos!” I turned the screen back towards myself, happy to know I had confirmation of the identity. Instead of the High Magister, though, the masked face of one of the Exterminators took up the screen.
I cleared my throat. “Yes, now i-” I wasn’t even able to finish my sentence before the Exterminator pulled away from the screen and leapt upon their colleague without as much as a moment’s hesitation. A roaring bleat coming from the speaker shortly after, its source without question. “You Brahking Puddle of Speh You have NOTHING now I wanted to do this for CYCLES you Tenets-Damned SPEH none of you can touch her now and I’m gonna INVERT YOUR RIB CAGE!!!”
The two fell out of sight, fighting together on the ground. I shifted an eye to Vekna, my tail raised in questioning. She flicked back her ears, signaling she was just as surprised at this as I was. “I-uh,” she coughed and reached into her belt pack. From it, she procured a set of cuffs, just like she said she had at the very beginning of this entire pursuit. Oh, how time flies. “I’m gonna secure Malcos’ arms, don’t want him to try anything funny.”
Yeah, that’s probably for the best. As she worked on ensuring our target wouldn’t make another grand escape, the sounds of fighting escalated in the background. It was good to see that not every Exterminator was on Malcos’s loyalty, but that revelation still had thrown me off balance in surprise. The screen shifted as the camera was picked up. The High Magister looked at me in shock as he sat back in his chair, his jaw hanging agape. Hopefully he shares that Exterminator’s predisposition. “Did you hear me, Yevin?”
To my relief, the High Magister chuckled in his seat as the Exterminators fought behind him, the weary sort that only those who had lived under duress for some time could produce. "I...hahah, finally. Finally, he's down! Thank you, thank you both. You don't know how long I've been living under the eye of his cronies. I can now get out from under that predator's paw at last!” His tail was wagging behind him as one of the Exterminators stood from the brawl, their pants revealing them as the same one that had rebelled against his Malcos-paid comrade. Looks like we’ve truly won the paw after all! “Y-Yes, give me just a moment! I'll call in a Code Zero right n-"
Before he could get the words out, though, the feed froze. I thought for a moment that the connection might have dropped somehow, but those fears were replaced by dread when I saw the emergency broadcast symbol on my screen. The last time something of the sort had happened was when the Humans first arrived around Venlil Prime, but given how eager the heads were to leave before today?
...I doubt this one will bring as welcome a change of pace.

{FINALLY!!}
{...I hate being right sometimes.}
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Be me, a fool that decided to play a Goliath Luchador Bard Be not me, other players and relative PCs (Ishizu the human Abjurator, Jasiri the tiefling Djinn Warlock, Shiba the human Monk, Pavel the human Paladin, and Ariandar the elf Constellation Druid) , and obviously DM friend who is amazing Have a blast playing this character for 3 years up until now souplexed anything smaller than a giraffe DM Friend implemented wrestling moves also, which is amazing (see previous post) Through the campaign, everyone is getting a different type of boost- the Paladin gets to perform an actual miracle after felling a demon, the Warlock gets to make a wish, the Abjurator loses her empowered familiar but gains access to some pages of the De Geometria Malefica (a necronomicon-like book filled to the brim with powerful glyphs) concerning our Goliath Luchador Bard, El Caldero de Sangre, he gets mask blessings Now these blessing are from the gods his people worship- Camaxtili the Jaguar, Quetzalcouatl the Creator, Ixchel the Virgin of the Rain, Camazotz the Volcanic Ruler, and the very concept of Xibalba itself, the Realm of the Dead- there are other gods, but the mask El Caldero wears has been crafted with these five blessings in particular These blessing are hard won, and require to pay a hefty price after one uses them- a sort of rite of passage to see if you are still worthy of gaining them again in the future El Caldero has gained four of them (all but Xibalba) and never used them until one occasion during a castle siege, his whole group had to fight a cadre of experienced knights, who acted more like a navy seals squad and used demonic blessings on the side El Caldero only used one for most of the fight (the blessing of Camazotz, which empowered all of his lucha moves with fire damage and allowed him to fly) then, on his last legs, he was forced to use the second, but just for a moment (the power of Camaxtili the Jaguar, which empowered lucha moves and added natural attacks) Still, two blessings remain The castle had been defended, but at the cost of a lot of lives, and more in general the loss of the party's usually infallible moral compass. This was one month of game time and one year and a half of real time ago
Now, playing downtime for each character as they took separate ways for the time being DM friend is amazing and has built mini-quest for each and everyone of our PCs The one for El Caldero requires him to make it so that he returns to a vast, sprawling seaside city called Estenimara, to work along with the ringleader of the Arena Imperialis in order to give them a new show Since we cannot call it WWE outright, and calling it Lucha Enmascarada would exclude a lot of other valiant fighters, we go for Titanomachia- the Battle of Titans There is a wonderful session where El Caldero gets to know other fighters, and they confront each other's style while on the ring Some of them get really excited about the presentation of the fighters, with ghost sounds to play their theme songs as they enter and minor illusions to have the spark/explosions thing when they enter the ring it's a precious little fun time For a beautiful evening, El Caldero forgets the horrors he has had to endure in that bloody castle siege, and gets to have fun again He goes to sleep smiling for the first time in a while He gets to have something precious even here Feelsgoodman Then along comes the next evening, where he has been requested by "a fan" over for dinner and pleasantries
As per previously stated, the dinner with the fan is a trap El Caldero gets escorted to an empty tavern, where he is made to sit to a table for two goons patrolling the entire place Enter the "fan" Roderigo Baratas, also known as "Three Fingers and a Half", crimelord of Estenimara Another Goliath This guy is massive, he needs to crouch in order to pass through the door Covered in tattoos, all over his face and arms Some parts of his skin look as if they have scales, like a snapping turtle Roderigo Baratas comes to sit at the table, strongest Pablo Escobar Vibes i've seen in a while "Tienes dos cojones de piedra, chico. You made quite a mess last time, and you killed some of my own. You do realize that either you work for me or you die, right?"
Kinda true Party killed some Baratas henchmen that were smuggling orcs on the other side of the continent Then they stole their boat El Caldero killed some of them by flinging a genuine cannon into their ranks El Caldero is lowkey shitting his soul into the pantaloons but still needs to muster up courage even if he is alone and with a guy that looks like the corporeal manifestation of an alley shivving "Your men were part of something bigger that you don't quite see yet, Roderigo. We had to do what we did in order to avoid something far worse." Roderigo smirks and lets out a raucous laugh "Que casualidàd, eh, chico? Every person i had to snuff... seemed to have some important reason to do what they did. Like they matter something. No, chico, you work for me now. Do i have to hurt your new friends to make you understand that? Or maybe your old friends. No estas un problema por mi, i can reach them wherever." El Caldero, at this point, sheds a little bit of that fear and mans up at best as he can "....I don't work for you, Roderigo. " "...HEH. As i was saying, cojones de piedra. I respect that. Still..." Roderigo cracks his neck and gets up from the chair, loosening his shoulder muscles at the same time, something unseen bites at the mind of El Caldero "OP, roll me a Wisdom save. With Disadvantage." 16, barely enough to pass but still A voice behind El Caldero whispers in a strained tone "...A Miiind Traineeed... He is difficult to make kneeeeel..." Turning around, El Caldero spots the one who spoke Meet Ax, who just turned visible A Mind Flayer with his serial numbers filed off he looks less like a purple wizard with a squid head and more like the cult leader from Brian Yuzna's Dagon fuck.wav "Roll initiative, OP."
El Caldero is standing between the hammer and the anvil In a second, Roderigo is going to pummel him in the ground, while his Deep One friend does a number on El Caldero's brain In a second, though Aren't these two gentlemen really close to each other? And the tevern is empty, except for Baratas henchmen and goons Welp time to put those Magical Secrets from the College of Lore to good use "DM, there's no one else but me and the Baratas in this tavern, right?" Not the best opener for a fight, but a good opener nontheless Shit, scratch that Both Roderigo and Ax seem to have absorbed part of the damage and walk out of the fire unscathed, they are going to be on El Caldero's ass in time zero I try a desperate plan "Dm, please, keep note of the area of the fireball- it's for later" "Sure thing OP, no prob" As per foreseen, the two proceed to turn down for what on El Caldero But it's how it happens that puts a dent in my confidence as a player Ax mind blasts, regular shit, El Caldero tanks it Then Roderigo Baratas moves 40 feet and uses a Headscissor Takedown. Perfectly executed, 8d4 damage, sends El Caldero prone and grappled This This very moment i understood it was not just a thing that DM friend made for my character, he INTEGRATED it so that other people in the world could match my character on his turf, countering his moves and maybe even teaching him new tricks Shit just got real Still I have to stick to the plan Another fireball, manages to hit Roderigo and Ax, but also El Caldero running on fumes now, but i have to reach the upstairs floor Roderigo, hot on my heels, SPENDS A KI POINT and then FLURRY OF BLOWS me in the face Obviously the fucker is wearing knuckledusters Tanking the hits takes a toll, but El Caldero manages to get upstairs and enact his plan, with 7 hp and a dream "Ok, DM, i run to the point where i remember Ax being and i use Earth Tremor." Silence Dm replies "But there's no one you can hit on this floor..." "Exactly, not on this floor. Remember the fireballs just a second ago? The wood is burning quite fast. I want to make it collapse on Ax." DM has that excited expression that precedes awesomeness El Caldero stomps with intent on the burning floor, sending shockwaves through it "HEY AX, YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP?" Ax receives a hug from the burning ceiling of the entire area interested by the spell, he is stuck between a rock and a hard place until further notice Roderigo does not like this Not One Bit "OP, you see Roderigo with a stupefied look on his face, then he starts grunting ever faster, until he bellows an echoing insult in your direction" "TE VOY A MATAR PENDEJO DE MIERDA!" > Fuck, he's raging now Four attacks, he sends El Caldero flying Down to 0 hp at the third attack, fourth attack makes me fail 2 death saves automatically about to lose El Caldero and i realize "fuck, this is one of my most beloved characters" Still, dice will decide Nat Fucking 20 El Caldero is still lying on the ground as Roderigo Baratas chucles and turns around My turn comes up "DM, i activate the blessing of Ixchel, the Virgin of Tears." Regeneration time This particular blessing makes it so that i start generationg HP at the beginning of each turn, not to mention the fact that it also helps with abilities that prevent damage, like Stone's Endurance I wait for a turn Next turn, as Roderigo is starting to leave the burning tavern, thinking El Caldero is a thing of the past, El Caldero casts Enlarge on himself and rises from the burning rubble, coming to darken the light from the wildfire engulfing the tavern the Symbol of Ixchel is burning bright on El Caldero's Lucha mask Still, Roderigo smirks and activates HIS BLESSING the great inverted calendar rune of Xibalba starts glowing on his tattooed forehead Come to think of it That head tat looks an awful lot like a Lucha Libre mask Feel like an idiot for not noticing before Now a dice of necrotic damage is added to his attacks it's a massacre Without the blessing of the Virgin of Tears, El Caldero would have been KO'ed at least 4 times Morally speaking, El Caldero is beaten DM describes how El Caldero can hear screams coming from the upper floor FUCK TAVERN WAS - N O T - EMPTY Roderigo keeps on pummeling Still, by burning through heals and using the blessing, El Caldero manages to push through, HP always in single digits at the end of Roderigo's actions He's fighting back tears in order not to think of what he's done with the two fireballs he threw Then, again, that screeching in the mind is heard again Fucking Ax the Temu Mind Flayer is at it again El Caldero now has to contend with both of em, with Ax turning invisible after every mind blast three rounds like this and finally Finally El Caldero socks Ax in the noggin, sends him flying Immediately, Roderigo, seeing his comrade sprawling against the rubble like a broken action figure, has to make a decision El Caldero is bleeding, bruised, and is about to lose the power of Ixchel... but still standing Ax, his comrade, is not only unconscious, but clearly has some inner bits that have broken Against all odds, Roderigo makes a run for it- grabs Ax and exits the Tavern El Caldero is tried and battered, but exits the Tavern as well Ixchel blessing is gone next turn As El Caldero gets out of the tavern, he sees Ax being rescued by the remaining Baratas, as roderigo barks orders to his men Then, Roderigo turns to face El Caldero "Time to end this, Chico." Symbol of Xibalba burns bright, as additional arms made of black fog sprout from Roderigo's back. El Caldero uses all that he still has to reduce the damage to a minimum, but it's down to little more than one last blessing and one last level 2 spell at the end of Roderigo's turn "DM, i activate the power of Quetzalcouatl, the Creator." As the power is activated, ethereal feathered snakes entangle Roderigo Baratas, while the Lucha mask covers itself in stone and long feathers, now looking more akin to a ceremonial Aztec panoply Using the power he gained, El Caldero flies up, as he is still crying for the realization of what Roderigo has made him into Looks at him and says just one thing "Headscissor Takedown- Cobra Grande." As El Caldero plummets to the ground, executing the move on Roderigo, the feathered snakes seem to move along, passing through Roderigo's chest and biting at his innards Finally Finally The fucker's been defeated Remember that DM friend is Amazing, capital A? He offers a fork in the road " OP, El Caldero hears a rattling whimper, as Roderigo Baratas slowly peeks at him through the swollen eyelids. He's in shambles, and won't react." " What does El Caldero do?" This fuckin' DM friend guy He made me hate Roderigo He made El Caldero feel at disadvantage He removed the pretenses of heroics and displayed to El Caldero that it takes a single bad move to turn a hero into a killer He made it easy for El Caldero to unload all of the responsability of this whole bloody mess to Roderigo Baratas and then He offers the choice of a lifetime DM friend is a god-tier narrator i literally spend 12 minutes real time to elaborate the response "Dm, it costs me a lot, but this is my action. And i know this is going to bite me in the ass later in the campaign, but... this is what El Caldero does." El Caldero rises up from the rubble, a shadow agains the raging fire of the tavern, stands on his knees near Roderigo, and then clasps his hands around Roderigo's neck.
"You threatened me, Roderigo. You attacked me with tricks and you desecrated the honour of a Luchador. You forced my hand, made me make mistakes, and made me something less than i was, and i will have to leave with this forever. So i leave you with a small gift of remembrance. Therefore, remeber this, Roderigo. In every evening you think you want to hurt my friends, in every evening you feel the urge to come back to settle this, in every single one of your most intimate moments...

...i want you to remember my fingers gripping your throat."

El Caldero uses Healing Word on Roderigo (3 hp)
El Caldero flies away, only to slowly come to rest on a rooftop, exhausted, crying, ashamed of what he has done, both for the one he has probably killed and the one he has definitely not killed.
DM concludes the whole scenario.

> "OP, El Caldero feels for a second the watchful eye of something ... invisible, yet vast... judging him and his last decision- a cryptic sensation that leaves him paralyzed for a second. Then, as he rolls on one side to look up at the sky, he is met with a million stars, clearly blinking from sideral distances, under the gentle glint of a moonless night. Tomorrow the world will go back to its routine, dragging, kicking and screaming to a better day, but tonight, the heavens seem clear and defined, like they have never been before for you."

BRB, i am still crying the water with which i have been baptized

So my ex and I have know each other since high school and we never had it easy together. It always seemed like something would make it hard for us to be together whether it was a current relationship, friendships, or family issues something always got in the way but it was like we wanted each other “even besides the odds”.

 We’ve kinda been talking on and off the last few months she was in a “situationship”. 

but i guess the guy didn’t want to be with her but she wanted him, even going as far as telling me “she wanted to be his gf so bad”.
Honestly hearing that broke my heart as I kind of was starting to grow feelings for her again, but I figured she just was ranting and I’ve tried putting it out of my head but around the end of April I blocked her because I noticed that the spam page I was following of hers really just had her exes and guys in her past following it so honestly it just felt like I’m one of 15+ guys that she gets attention from. So back to me trying to get her out of my mind and blocking her, my attempt failed obviously as I’m writing this now.
She recently had said otp she could see us getting married n I said yes but not honestly. I mean we’ve both cheated on each other and I know she’s a lot more sneaky than me even if we don’t cheat on each other just a few weeks ago I told her I wanted to be with her and she told me she didn’t want to cause she was scared she’d ruin it, but when I told her I have to leave because my feelings are too strong for friends she basically begged me to come back saying she misses me it’s all so confusing and pains me.
Today she gave me money for a haircut something I’ve never gotten before except from a girl I was dating for over a year idk why she actually did I mean I really don’t even know if I’m even her type with the guys she’s dated n the things I’ve heard it just feels like she just likes knowing I’ll be here n it sucks. It’s like I want to love her but I can’t it’s almost always coming to a point where I just want to have sex n forget her forever after but also wanting to be with her forever even though I doubt she’d ever really want that with me and not anytime soon it seems she’d want to start that.
I’m almost disgusted by her and disappointed in myself for continuing to talk to her we’re so similar but so different both of us dealing with depression and bpd I have episodes where I literally feel like I have split personality and I think she does too so it’s nice to have someone to relate to. She’s a Leo and I’m an Aquarius and I’m a little taller than her but I’m pretty sure she’s only into guys that are very tall so idk even though she flirts with me a lot n she shows effort it just feels like I’m a game to her n I wish I just could know if she actually wanted something n if she did why wait? I’m sick of waiting. Please give me some advice yall I can’t take this anymore.

Hi everyone! Please help me find the right laptop! I am not tech savvy, and am overwhelmed by the range of brands and models available. This is a big purchase for me so I want to get the right one. Open to Windows or Mac.
LAPTOP QUESTIONNAIRE

• Total budget: £300–£360 GBP (UK).
  
• Are you open to refurbs/used? I would prefer to buy refurbished for ethical and cost reasons, so yes. I would like to purchase via Back Market, as I have a good experience with them.
  
• How would you prioritize form factor (ultrabook, 2-in-1, etc.), build quality, performance, and battery life? As this is a big purchase, I need it to have decent performance and battery life.
  
• How important is weight and thinness to you? I would like it to be thin and lightweight so I can carry it walking to work. Generally don't want something chunky and heavy and hard to manoeuvre.
  
• Do you have a preferred screen size? If indifferent, put N/A. Standard size, not tiny and not massive.
  
• Are you doing any CAD/video editing/photo editing/gaming? List which programs/games you desire to run. Needs to run Elgato Capture Card (HD60S) software to stream on Twitch through my Nintendo Switch. Occasional basic video editing. Sometimes PC-ROM gaming — see below.
  
• If you're gaming, do you have certain games you want to play? At what settings and FPS do you want? On the laptop itself, I'd like to be able to play Sims games: digital Sims 4, and disc-based Sims games (1 and 2). Happy to purchase a separate disc drive. Unsure of settings and FPS needed for these.
  
• Any specific requirements such as good keyboard, reliable build quality, touch-screen, finger-print reader, optical drive or good input devices (keyboard/touchpad)? Comfortable keyboard to type on, as I will mostly be using for writing. Reliable build quality because this is a big purchase for me. No other specific requirements.
  
• Leave any finishing thoughts here that you may feel are necessary and beneficial to the discussion. I will also be using it for online video meetings, creating documents and presentations, online training, writing reports etc, but I know these are standard uses.
  

Thanks in advance! Happy to answer any questions.
🌸

KaTaPaYadi System (circa 600CE) maps the alphabet to numbers, allowing one to create mnemonics through sholkas which represent large numerical values (eg. π, 1/π) besides the literal/philosphical aspect that they usually represent. (Notice the deliberate capitalization of K/T/P/Y - they all represent 1). ```

π to 17 decimal places (3.14159265358979324)

भद्राम्बुधिसिद्धजन्मगणितश्रद्धा स्म यद् भूपगी:

π to 31 decimal places (3.1415926535897932384626433832792)

गोपीभाग्यमधुव्रात-शृङ्गिशोदधिसन्धिग॥ खलजीवितखाताव गलहालारसंधर॥ ``` While this may seem insignificant in today's age, it's a relic of the remarkable results obtained by polymaths of the time, and how creatively they represented them. This form of writing wasn't just limited to texts on science/math, but also used to come up with religious hymns that concealed similar results. A rationale behind this is it's easier to memorize sentences/songs than numbers. Similar approach was made in music, calendars, etc.
PS: - On the topic of π, we often use 22/7 as an approximation (for school math). But this is correct only to 2 decimal places (22/7 is a recurring decimal - 3.142857142857...). Anyway, you can come up with your own mnemonic to memorize π to n decimal places. ```

π to 31 decimal places (3.1415926535897932384626433832792)

Sir, I bear a rhyme excelling In mystic force and magic spelling Celestial sprites elucidate All my own striving can't relate Or locate they who can cogitate And so finally terminate. Finis ``` This has been a field of study in itself - Piphilology, which has been a subset of the applications of the Katapayadi system. - A mnemonic I used in school for 1/π (especially when evaluating physics/chemisty numericals) was "can I remember thy O remainder?" (0.318309). Similar ones may be made for Physical constants.

I can’t really remember much about the movie as I was younger and not really supposed to be watching it. I remember a group of people go into a creepy house and the house is haunted or something so they get stuck inside. There is a little girl in the group and she has drawing/writing supplies. Towards the end of the movie the little girl is in front of a fireplace and has to draw a bunch of squiggles as if she was doing a string of cursive “l”. It had something to do with them being able to leave. I remember there is a woman that is kind of close to the girl too. I think there might be something to do with them being stuck time wise too but I could be making that part up in my head.

I did my LC back in 2019 but I'm seeing a lot of people stressing out about their upcoming exams so I'm gonna post this in hopes it eases someone's day a lil. I was not a smart kid at all, my average was around 40% for most subjects. I tried studying but as lazy as it sounds I'm just not made for studying, I'd spend ages at the desk n remember nothing. Nothing ever clicked n suffering with anxiety, even if I did remember something I'd end up always blanking out once I'd take the test due to stress. Even my teachers told me I'm probably gonna fail a few subjects so at some point I just gave up.
The LC came around and at the time I applied to 2 colleges with no other backup at all. When the results came out I saw that I pretty much failed the thing (I failed 3 subjects including maths). This was not much of a surprise considering my grade history but the only subject I really loved was Art n naturally wanted to go to art college so the results did still upset me.
I ended up getting a last minute PLC interview and got in, n really worked my ass off during the PLC to make sure I pass everything. Only studying a subject you actually like n are good at can do wonders to your academic confidence, I think people forget that things like maths, biology, Irish etc just don't click for everyone.
Anyway, I left the PLC with flying colours. We're talking 85% on every single project. So going from 40%s to 85% really made me realise that I'm not so hopless after all.
After that I got into my dream art college, best art college in this country. I did my bachelors with good grades and now I'm half way done with doing my Masters. Mind you I'm also one of the only people from my class even going to college, nevermind getting a Masters.
I'm not writing this to make people think that the LC isn't a big deal n that it's okay not to study, even tho I was sh!t in school I still tried my best. But what I'm trying to say is that do not let these exams feel like they will determine your whole future. A LOT of college graduates did shit in their LC. Of course do research on what course you want to do n find out if there's ways around it like PLCs n all that, but the moral of the story is that there's always a way to get around to things. This exam does not determine your whole future n failing it or scoring low grades does not mean you're a lost cause or a failure, it just means you gotta look for another way that works for you.
Best of luck to everyone doing their LC soon 🫶🏻

Debit/Credit Cards Accepted No Closing Costs Cash Price: $1295 Finance with $200 Down and 12 Payments of $120 Per Month No Credit Check, No Income Documentation, No Prepayment Penalty 

Kendrick has been saying that he has eyes within OVO: from euphoria "Got a Benjamin and Jackson all in my house like I'm Joe, okay" and more straight forward in 6:16 in La "Have you ever thought that OVO is workin' for me?" The cover art for 6:16 and Meet the Grahams give credibility to this claim too.
Then there's the euphoria bar "am I battling ghosts or ai? N***a feelin' like Joel/Hale Osteen, funny he was in a movie called "AI" And my sixth sense tellin' me to off him" this was an interesting bar because Kendrick seemingly mixed up Joel Osteen with Haley Joel Osment. People have speculated that it was an intentional mix-up to profile Drake as a charlatan like Joel Osteen but then the "Psst, I see dead people" in Not Like Us vindicated the sixth sense reference in euphoria. I speculate this means that the OVO ghostwriters are the 'dead people' and the ones working for Kendrick. And if true I think this brings up a lot of tough questions: for example, does Kendrick not only have eyes in OVO but a hand in crafting the response tracks too, even in instances like the AI verses etc? But I digress.
Having eyes in OVO would explain how Kendrick has been able to anticipate and outmaneuver Drake at every phase of this so far (too many instances to list tbh), but Kendrick seemed to have baited Drake into releasing Family Matters and walking into the trap of Meet the Grahams. Moreover Not Like Us just felt like a giant taunt to get Drake to directly respond to the allegations from Meet the Grahams. Then in The Heart Part 6, in response to the crazy "A-Minorrrrrr" from Not Like Us, Drake does the B-Sharp line which some have already pointed out is just C which is the relative major key of A-Minor. This is an incredible conceptual failure on Drake's part and he was stupid enough to do it, but there's also something genius about it that can almost make sense if Kendrick had a hand in writing it too through ghost-moles. There are so many unanswered questions. People have been asking about receipts and stuff, but what is the nature of the 'eyes' Kendrick has in OVO? Is he already working with law enforcement? What did Drake do to get his team to turn on him, or does Kendrick use extortion to control them? Has Drake already perjured himself on record, or even behind the scenes, somehow? And if Kendrick has a hand in writing Drake's responses is it possible that this The Heart Part 6 is still ultimately Kendricks, what could that possibly mean for Kendrick’s album? K Dot. . .

Demographics

• Gender : Male
• Race/Ethnicity : Asian
• Residence : India
• Income Bracket : $150K +
• Type of School : We've had a couple of T20 acceptances but it's not a very competitive school
• Hooks : Second Gen??

Intended Major(s) : Computer Science
Intended Minor : Finance (not sure, will depend on uni)
Academics

• Current Grade : 10th, going to 11th
• Board : IGCSE (right now), A Levels (from next year)
• Report Card : Very average, a couple of A*s, mostly As and 2 Bs (not specifying subjects for privacy reasons)
• IGCSE Results : Giving exams right now but probably 5 A*, 3 A's & a B (10 subjects total, guesses are based on pre-board results)
• A Level Subjects
  • Further Maths (A2)
  • Physics (A2)
  • Computer Science (A2)
  • Economics (AS)
  • Psychology (AS) (maybe)
  • English (AS)
• APs
  • 9th & 10th : N/A (didn't know they were a thing)
  • 11th : Calculus BC (already have background to skip AB), Physics C : Electricity & Magnetism
  • 12th : Calculus III, Physics C : Mechanics

Standardised Testing

• SAT : 1550+ (predicted based on psat and diagnosis tests)

Extracurriculars/Activities

1. Collaboration with a local governance body to help them with their technological needs and digital outreach (basically a web dev internship)
2. Teacher and managerial position at a non-profit that teaches programming
3. Running my own quant trading startup (I know this doesn't sound like something a highschooler could do and obviously I don't have an AUM in the billions but it has turned out to be a successful project)
4. Basketball at District, State & National Levels (have won plenty of MVPs and other awards too)
5. I run a couple of marathons a year (mostly 10K or 21K) and go to the gym (don't know if this is even a valid EC and how I'll show proof)
6. Open source contributions to many popular projects (this is gonna be more of my focus for the next 2 years as I love it)
7. Many, many, many personal projects that are uploaded on github from automation scripts to shell-utilities to chrome extensions
8. This is probably a mix of (6) and (7) but I'm very into servers and operating systems (probably the career path I wanna go with after college) and have created many projects/contributions regarding the same.
9. I also do a couple of other things like play bass guitar but I haven't mentioned "hobbies" I do to relax (i.e. the ones I don't spend too much time on or don't have proof of)

Awards/Honors

1. Won a hefty scholarship from a selection university of oxford summer programme
2. Won 5-6 hackathons and participated in about 20

Letters of Recommendation
Will probably be average. I'm not the most attentive student in class and am shifting schools next year so the teachers writing the LORs would have only known me for 2. Isn't likely to improve unless I find a mentor or teacher I connect with in the next year.
Essays
I think these will be great as (1) I am a good writer and (2) I have never done anything for the sake of college admissions so my profile blends in very well as everything ties to the "story of me".
Reaches (probably in order)

• CMU
• MIT
• Stanford
• Harvard
• UC Berkeley
• NUS
• University Of Toronto
• UCLA / UCSD / UCI
• NYU
• Columbia

Targets & Safeties
I don't know, you tell me ;)

hi! i’m having such a hard time sleeping tonight.
hoping to find someone who wants to talk o t he phone and maybe fall asleep together.
i was asleep but woke up bc of a nightmare.
. i am a chill healthcare professional beginning my PhD studies. i have a lot of responsibilities between work and family, so at the moment i just want someone to comfort me and make me feel like a princess.
please be willing to call me tonight! i really need help falling asleep. but it's okay if that's not possible. we can talk tomorrow or whenever you're free. even though i'm anxious now, i know it'll pass. but it'll be great if i can be soothed to sleep :)
i enjoy reading and writing academically but also poetry and fiction. i like to cook and bake. I like crocheting and embroidery. lots of grandma things. and i'm a gamer i think. n my favorite game is league of legends. i can play rift but prefer TFT atm.

I am using seal from a long time to download yt videos and never had any issues but now it gives me the same error every video I try to download Error:- App version: 1.12.1 (11212) Device information: Android 11 (API 30) Supported ABIs: [arm64-v8a, armeabi-v7a, armeabi] Yt-dlp version: 2024.05.05.232701
URL: https://youtu.be/lADBHDg-JtA?feature=shared [debug] Command-line config: ['--no-mtime', '-v', '--no-playlist', '--downloader', 'libaria2c.so', '--external-downloader-args', 'aria2c:"--summary-interval=1"', '--add-metadata', '--no-embed-info-json', '-S', 'vcodec:vp9.2,res:1080', '--sub-langs', 'en.,.-orig', '--embed-subs', '--remux-video', 'mkv', '--merge-output-format', 'mkv', '--embed-chapters', '-P', '/storage/emulated/0/Download/Seal', '-P', 'temp:/storage/emulated/0/Download/Seal/tmp', '-o', '%(title).200B [%(id)s].%(ext)s', '--no-cache-dir', '--ffmpeg-location', '/data/app/~~IBe76f01OM3t5fQysr6eNQ==/com.junkfood.seal-F4n75WouHGL-vozWeNa3yQ==/lib/arm64/libffmpeg.so', 'https://youtu.be/lADBHDg-JtA?feature=shared'] [debug] Encodings: locale UTF-8, fs utf-8, pref UTF-8, out utf-8 (No ANSI), error utf-8 (No ANSI), screen utf-8 (No ANSI) [debug] yt-dlp version nightly@2024.05.05.232701 from yt-dlp/yt-dlp-nightly-builds [5904853ae] (zip) [debug] Python 3.8.0 (CPython aarch64 64bit) - Linux-4.19.127+-aarch64-with-libc (OpenSSL 1.1.1t 7 Feb 2023, libc) [debug] exe versions: ffmpeg 5.1 (setts), ffprobe 5.1 [debug] Optional libraries: Cryptodome-3.17, mutagen-1.46.0, sqlite3-3.30.1 [debug] Proxy map: {} [debug] Request Handlers: urllib [debug] Loaded 1810 extractors WARNING: [youtube] Skipping player responses from android clients (got player responses for video "aQvGIIdgFDM" instead of "lADBHDg-JtA") [debug] [youtube] Decrypted nsig b60_Dm7lPWOxl5tQOw => b1nzPprNIuGUQg [debug] [youtube] Decrypted nsig N7SfencAMk8o7H43mo => UTRbETIxgIi-5g [debug] Sort order given by user: vcodec:vp9.2, res:1080 [debug] Sort order given by extractor: quality, res, fps, hdr:12, source, vcodec:vp9.2, channels, acodec, lang, proto [debug] Formats sorted by: hasvid, ie_pref, vcodec:vp9.2(10), res:1080(1080.0), quality, fps, hdr:12(7), source, channels, acodec, lang, proto, size, br, asr, vext, aext, hasaud, id [debug] Default format spec: bestvideo*+bestaudio/best [debug] Invoking aria2c downloader on "https://www.youtube.com/api/timedtext?v=lADBHDg-JtA&ei=nI44Zt7RDdHOjuMPwsWD6AQ&caps=asr&opi=112496729&xoaf=4&hl=en&ip=0.0.0.0&ipbits=0&expire=1715007756&sparams=ip%2Cipbits%2Cexpire%2Cv%2Cei%2Ccaps%2Copi%2Cxoaf&signature=194AB7F535369B28AEADD93CF93A65CDA2900A9B.8D884292A0F02A620D953778C39619A9A0A81EE3&key=yt8&lang=en&fmt=vtt" ERROR: Unable to download video subtitles for 'en': [Errno 2] No usable temporary directory found in ['/data/data/com.termux/files/ustmp', '/'] Traceback (most recent call last): File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/YoutubeDL.py", line 4331, in _write_subtitles self.dl(sub_filename, sub_copy, subtitle=True) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/YoutubeDL.py", line 3180, in dl return fd.download(name, new_info, subtitle) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/downloadecommon.py", line 466, in download ret = self.real_download(filename, info_dict) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/downloadeexternal.py", line 50, in real_download retval = self._call_downloader(tmpfilename, info_dict) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/downloadeexternal.py", line 294, in _call_downloader return super()._call_downloader(tmpfilename, info_dict) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/downloadeexternal.py", line 145, in _call_downloader cmd = [encodeArgument(a) for a in self._make_cmd(tmpfilename, info_dict)] File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/downloadeexternal.py", line 306, in _make_cmd cmd += [f'--load-cookies={self._write_cookies()}'] File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/downloadeexternal.py", line 135, in _write_cookies tmp_cookies = tempfile.NamedTemporaryFile(suffix='.cookies', delete=False) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/packages/python/uslib/python3.8/tempfile.py", line 532, in NamedTemporaryFile prefix, suffix, dir, output_type = _sanitize_params(prefix, suffix, dir) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/packages/python/uslib/python3.8/tempfile.py", line 117, in _sanitize_params dir = gettempdir() File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/packages/python/uslib/python3.8/tempfile.py", line 286, in gettempdir tempdir = _get_default_tempdir() File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/packages/python/uslib/python3.8/tempfile.py", line 218, in _get_default_tempdir raise FileNotFoundError(_errno.ENOENT, FileNotFoundError: [Errno 2] No usable temporary directory found in ['/data/data/com.termux/files/ustmp', '/']
During handling of the above exception, another exception occurred:
Traceback (most recent call last): File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/YoutubeDL.py", line 1606, in wrapper return func(self, args, *kwargs) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/YoutubeDL.py", line 1762, in __extract_info return self.process_ie_result(ie_result, download, extra_info) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/YoutubeDL.py", line 1821, in process_ie_result ie_result = self.process_video_result(ie_result, download=download) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/YoutubeDL.py", line 2993, in process_video_result self.process_info(new_info) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/YoutubeDL.py", line 3247, in process_info sub_files = self._write_subtitles(info_dict, temp_filename) File "/data/use0/com.junkfood.seal/no_backup/youtubedl-android/yt-dlp/yt-dlp/yt_dlp/YoutubeDL.py", line 4339, in _write_subtitles raise DownloadError(msg) yt_dlp.utils.DownloadError: Unable to download video subtitles for 'en': [Errno 2] No usable temporary directory found in ['/data/data/com.termux/files/ustmp', '/']
Someone plz help me 😭

So while rewatching the anime again it’s funny that inuyasha is always the bad guy in their relationship, and while he does many rude things he never takes other peoples sides over kagomes. Meanwhile kagome takes others side every time there is conflict. Imagine you being black and someone who every time they meet tear you down and say the N word, and then your friend(basically gf) takes his side and uses a spell to literally slam your face into the ground when you want to attack him. I really wonder the thought process there with the writing, like imagine for second you suffered horrible abuse for being a half breed and then people come over and continuously say racist things and the person that supposedly loves you never once says “hey you’re a jerk”. Like think about all their interactions with Kouga in any episode, it’s just poorly written like I could not imagine being attracted to someone that takes the side of someone using hate speech towards me. Inuyasha is definitely a butthole at times and does questionable things, but the fact that 90 percent of the time no one ever stands up for him in those situations just rubs me the wrong way.

I know this is all too much like.
If youre interested in knowing what's going through my head when I'm making shit like this its that before hannah, I was on my own for so long (5 years to be exact). So long that I had completely convinced myself that I was happier on my own and I just completely devoted myself to being the best person I could be on my own, money success whatever the fuck. I thought if I just kept my sole drive on that that I could accumulate enough resources to help out a few people that I care about and generally be the Uncle Phil of the group.
Then hannah showed me attention and latched onto me after stuff went south with Liam, and you know, I did the charming white knight good listener thing with her and for the first time it worked, a girl actually fell properly in love with me it felt like, so much that at the start I was the you in this situation, not replying for a few hours cos I'm doing stuff only to reply later and she responds straight away. And it felt amazing. So many people fall for you I've heard, I can only imagine what you feel like.
All my past relationships have had the hallmark of me caring more about it than them and I finally thought with hannah I'd found someone who can match my energy like that, maybe even surpass it. So for her to leave me as soon as I reminded her of her ex the tiniest bit. After shed told me that I deserved love and that she'd always be there for me. After spending 2 months fully convincing me that I didn't have to be alone anymore. After fucking filling my head with dreams shed apparently had about blonde kids cos of my hair, she just moved straight on and acted like it was nothing. (I'm playing the tragic hero here obvs but this is real life and I wasn't blameless either; I did a song about it, one of my better works imo; "another fucked love")
Anyway it fucking broke me. It broke me in this weird crazy artistic way which I'll probably look back and appreciate but i still broke. I put all my faith in this one support system, finally thought I could be the one having love to spare for once just to have it all ripped away. Like I tattooed our relationship on the journal of my life and now even if I rip out that page I'm gonna remember I did it. There's still gonna be a gap in the spine of my story. I'm good at hiding it with the male bravado and shit but I'm still broken now.
But it's weird like, through that relationship, me and you would have the occasional encounter when you were with Andy and you'd notice the little weird things I was doing like the economies of scale thing and the lil toy dinosaurs in andys living room, nugget in the biscuit at james' party, even tiny stuff like you giggling when I repeated the colour of the bow of the box I was imagining to tish outside duffys and dancing when I sang a snippet of s club 7. Stuff hannah, the apparent love of my life, didn't even pick up on (yhyh I know she wasn't there for that last 2, this is the 2nd draft stfu).
Ik it's only a few small things but I look at how we interact and I can't help feeling that you're on my wave length, like we both understand the implications of us having a conversation as "the guy and the girl" where it might be a bit flirty and meet cute-y and both know how to take the piss out of it. Cat and mouse lol. I try to be someone that's entertaining for my friends to be around cos I want to make them happy and it feels like you are too.
And listen right, I'm not declaring my love to you with this. I'm not about to launch into some weird limerick about your emerald eyes or some shit, I only do the physical appearance complimenting in stuff like "Come With Me" cos I wanna take the piss out of the cliche.
I don't know if we'd work together. It'd be a dream come true to have something like that, where both of us are spontaneous asf and ready to go at the drop of a hat. We'd wear each other out most likely, but it'd be a LOT of fun.
But tbh idec. Not really. I just wanna be your friend and get to know you a bit more. I just wanna walk around with you on some dumb chilled errand and talk shit and make fun of eccentric strangers we see going about, maybe even strike up a convo with them.
Its just confusing because (and ik the answer to this is just that you're popular and youre with people most of the time, I noticed that in my car you barely went on your phone, you live in the moment & I love that, sidetrack over) because I don't know if you feel any of the things that I'm feeling.
Like Im a twat and make our dms look imbalanced asf but then when we have our lil chats in my car (lovely girl, I noticed you paused to admire her for a second when I pulled up to stonergay) or outside a pub (that guy that came over to talk and then just ignored you lol wtf) I can't help feeling that it's the best conversation I've had all week, full of little in jokes and us just winking at each other knowing the game were both playing. You have that social awareness that is so rare in people these days, social media has eroded self awareness but you see it and you sit back and laugh at it all. Me too. But there's not that many people like that.
So that's why I'm doing all this. I'm trying to impress you in a way that you'll enjoy (weird musicy shit, although in fairness I was rapping before to deal with stress from my job and I've recorded a lot of music in general in my lorry, like 3 hours worth) and to tell you that I think, as friends, lovers, acquaintances, weird unrequited love triangle people, whatever, we could make each other happy. You've already made me achieve heights in my strange comedy/art that I never would have dreamed of. Just because your aloofness is so fucking enticing (like it literally inspired me to write a song about girls who are aloof in general, that's the "couple lines" I was referring to in that written rap I did. I was hoping to record it the next day but yknow me, scatterbrain till I die).
Let me put it another way just in case you don't understand. The day I helped hannah move her stuff in (ngl she arranged everything but I packed my car and put all the stuff in her flat myself, it's kinda my dayjob after all), she was in a mood a lot of the time and stressed etc cos no one came to help us and she went sleep early and I stayed up to smoke. I went a few streets away and smoked a lil spliff and tried composing a few more lines to this song I'm working on to go with this sick techno tune (Energy Drink by Virtual Riot if you're interested). And I got a bit adventurous and started walking.
She lives next to Narborough road and I ended up in beade park at like 5 in the morning, sun just coming up. I saw this slide that I'd been looking for ever since I was a kid. I took a pic I'll show you next time I see you. Always captivated my imagination cos it was so tall and it looked like a spaceship. I hadn't seen this slide since i was like 5 and I was blown away for a moment. And I wanted to share it so I called hannah and obviously she was half asleep and asked me why the fuck I'm calling at that time and I told her and she asked why I felt the need to wake her up to tell her that and my heart broke a little and I said "I just wanted to share this moment with you", apologised and hung up.
I wondered what the response from my "one" would be to that phone call. Several people crossed my mind and what their responses would have been. Then I thought of you and I realised I wouldn't have to call cos you'd probably be right there beside me on this weird walk, egging me on to climb up there and go down it (which I did, was on my own but I had Taylor swift singing in my headphones about being 22 and shit cos life's too short to ever fully grow up).
It's possible (shit, almost certain) that you're not into me at all and maybe even the things I'm feeling are just a weird interpretation of what I'm feeling for losing hannah, but whatever I tell myself, I can't lie about how I felt when you noticed those things before. You see the jokes in between the lines of the funeral letter. I've spent my life looking for someone like that. You understand and appreciate why I'm making what I am, a lot of people would have blocked me after the number thing. So sorry if I'm shooting my shot in an overly showy way but youre really cool and I just want to be happy. And I want to know if you're getting any of this weird feeling shit on your end, cos that would confirm whether this is something or not (friendship, fancying, whatever, I have no idea how you see me tbh).
So yeah opinion plz, in your own time ofc. Doesn't matter what you sing, I'm not gonna tell you what I want you to say now, say whatever init.
Or don't.
Im going San Francisco next month to see Jordan so I've got plenty to keep me occupied 😂 maybe you'll call me up and ask me to book you a ticket, Teenage Dirtbag style (lol yeah right keep dreaming bro, it's funny how I can be so twisted yet so naive at the same time).
Dw, my weird postmodern gen z mating dance is over, the ball is officially in your Court (see what I did there? Ngl I'm a sucker for callbacks) .
Please be honest and straight with me if you do get in contact, if there's nowt on your end then I'd rather just completely put it out my mind now and focus on doing something else. I'm not asking for a relationship right away, neither of us are ready for that rn but just let me know if you enjoy our chats as much as i do. You probably don't (no one ever does, wah-wah poor me etc) but I don't wanna settle for grey concrete reality if there's even the slightest chance my vibrant squishy* dreams could come true ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Sincerely, with a moderate amount of affection that puts across how I feel without making me look desperate,
PS. Okay, maybe I'm not completely done just yet. I'm gonna block you on here cos otherwise I'll drive myself insane trying to top the last thing I did, and I just had an idea for how to end it properly (assuming you don't contact me, hopefully you do but it's all cool and dramatic to pretend this is it, Romeo & Juliet shit ygm).
Quick sidenote, if we don't talk again then I want you to know that I did this because you're special (needs(haha)) nah but fr. If you ever feel down about where your life is going or something you've done, just remember that once upon a time, someone made cringey art spanning visual and audio mediums, just to get your attention 😂 I don't do this for just anyone, I hadn't even written a song for a crush before I met you.
You're sick girl, never forget it.
Watch the video underneath these screenshots. Haven't actually made it yet, hope its good.
I'm in my lorry writing this (not enough time to get back to the yard so I'm spending the night in a layby in Crawley, just ordered the shit I'll need for the video. Got a lil forest next to me, might have a lil explore after I've eaten).
Funny, right? This is gonna be over a couple days for me but for you it'll be as quick as you can flick between these pics and the video underneath.
Can you see why I like doing this now?
Hello from history! 😊
See ya over there (future for me, past for you) 🤙
*no that's not a joke about your tits, I've matured ofc bro

Below Ive included my code and the output which I'm not sure why I'm getting it. Im completely lost.

# # archive management # # For this project you must implement the functionnality to manage the space allocation of files. # # The storage of the file content itself will not be part of the project, only the allocation of its storage # # Each file can have up to 4 datablocks per entry. # Each file can have up to 9 entries. The sequence (1...9) indicates in which order they should be processed. # The archive information is stored in ascii (no binary). # The filesize, sequence and blockid will be store as ascii string, with each fileentry. # # the name of the archive, is hardcoded to archive.dat and must be in the current directory # # Command Line # # just must create and initialize the archive file # python project3.py create # # # add a file to the archive. # python project3.py add a.txt # # # remove a file from the archive. # python project3.py remove a.txt # # # update a file in the archive. # python project3.py update a.txt # # # list the files in the archives and display information on them. # python project3.py list # from array import array import sys import time #maximum number of entry for files in the archive and also for data blocks for the archive MAX_ENTRY = 32 #maximum number of block for a single file archive entry MAX_BLOCK_PER_FILE = 4 #maximum number of byte per datablock MAX_BYTE_PER_DATABLOCK = 10 #maximum lenght for a file name MAX_FILENAME = 8 #maximum number of characters used to store datablocks uses by a file MAX_DIGIT_FOR_BLOCK = 2 #filesize will use a maximum of 3 digits MAX_DIGIT_FOR_FILESIZE = 3 MAX_DIGIT_FOR_SEQUENCE = 1 ARCHIVE_FILENAME = "archive.dat" # an empty archiveentry has a filename = "" # the block entries is equal to 0, when it is not in used # a file can be stored using multiple FileEntry, if it requires more than MAX_BLOCK_PER_FILE*MAX_BYTE_PER_DATABLOCK # for its storage. FileEntry.sequence allows to store up to 9(1..9) FileEntry for a single file. # Their FileEntry.sequence allows the order the block they are currently using # The system has up to 99 blocks to store data(only 2 digits for datablock #). class FileEntry: def __init__( self, filename="", size=0, ): self.filename = filename self.size = size self.sequence = 0 self.datablocks = [0] * MAX_BLOCK_PER_FILE def readFromArchive(self, line): self.size = int(line[:MAX_DIGIT_FOR_FILESIZE]) self.sequence = int( line[MAX_DIGIT_FOR_FILESIZE:MAX_DIGIT_FOR_FILESIZE + MAX_DIGIT_FOR_SEQUENCE]) self.filename = line[MAX_DIGIT_FOR_FILESIZE + MAX_DIGIT_FOR_SEQUENCE:MAX_DIGIT_FOR_FILESIZE + MAX_DIGIT_FOR_SEQUENCE + MAX_FILENAME] for idx in range(MAX_BLOCK_PER_FILE): block = line[MAX_DIGIT_FOR_FILESIZE + MAX_DIGIT_FOR_SEQUENCE + MAX_FILENAME + (idx * 2):MAX_DIGIT_FOR_FILESIZE + MAX_DIGIT_FOR_SEQUENCE + MAX_FILENAME + ((idx + 1) * 2)] self.datablocks[idx] = int(block) return self def writeToArchive(self, file): file.write(str(self.size).zfill(MAX_DIGIT_FOR_FILESIZE)) file.write(str(self.sequence).zfill(MAX_DIGIT_FOR_SEQUENCE)) file.write(self.filename.rjust(MAX_FILENAME)) for idx in range(0, len(self.datablocks)): file.write(str(self.datablocks[idx]).zfill(MAX_DIGIT_FOR_BLOCK)) file.write("\n") def list(self): print(" filename:" + self.filename.rjust(MAX_FILENAME) + " sequence:" + str(self.sequence) + " size:" + str(self.size)) for idx in range(0, len(self.datablocks)): print(str(self.datablocks[idx]).zfill(MAX_DIGIT_FOR_BLOCK)) def isEmpty(self): return len(self.filename) == 0 class Archive: def __init__(self): self.fileEntries = [] self.fileEntries = [FileEntry()] * MAX_ENTRY def writeToArchive(self): archive = open(ARCHIVE_FILENAME, "w") for idx in range(0, MAX_ENTRY): self.fileEntries[idx].writeToArchive(archive) archive.close() def readFromArchive(self): archive = open(ARCHIVE_FILENAME, "r") count = 0 datablockid = 1 for line in archive: line = line.rstrip('\n') fileEntry = FileEntry() self.fileEntries[count] = fileEntry.readFromArchive(line) count = count + 1 return self def list(self): for idx in range(0, MAX_ENTRY): print("entry :" + str(idx)) if self.fileEntries[idx].isEmpty(): print(" empty") else: self.fileEntries[idx].list() print("\n") def create(self): self.writeToArchive() def addToArchive(self, filename): if len(filename) > MAX_FILENAME: print("Filename is too long\n") return for entry in self.fileEntries: if entry.filename == filename: print("File already exists\n") return with open(filename, 'r') as file: file_content = file.read() file_size = len(file_content) for entry in self.fileEntries: if entry.isEmpty(): entry.filename = filename entry.size = file_size needed_blocks = (file_size + MAX_BYTE_PER_DATABLOCK - 1) // MAX_BYTE_PER_DATABLOCK block_count = 0 for idx in range(len(entry.datablocks)): if block_count == needed_blocks: break if entry.datablocks[idx] == 0: entry.datablocks[idx] = idx + 1 block_count += 1 if block_count == needed_blocks: break # Break out of the outer loop after assigning all required blocks else: print("No more room\n") def removeFromArchive(self, filename): for entry in self.fileEntries: if entry.filename == filename: entry.filename = "" entry.size = 0 for idx in range(MAX_BLOCK_PER_FILE): entry.datablocks[idx] = 0 print("File has been removed") return else: print("File not found") def updateInArchive(self, filename): # must do validation on # file is in archive # see addToArchive for other validations print("not implemented, this is your assignment\n") def createArchive(): print("Creating Archive") Archive().create() def addToArchive(): filename = sys.argv[2] print("Adding to Archive:" + filename) archive = Archive() archive = archive.readFromArchive() archive.list() archive.addToArchive(filename) archive.writeToArchive() def removeFromArchive(): filename = sys.argv[2] print("Removing from Archive:" + filename) archive = Archive() archive.readFromArchive() archive.list() archive.removeFromArchive(filename) archive.writeToArchive() def listArchive(): print("Listing from Archive") archive = Archive() archive = archive.readFromArchive() archive.list() def updateInArchive(): filename = sys.argv[2] print("Updating in Archive:" + filename) archive = Archive() archive = archive.readFromArchive() archive.list() archive.updateInArchive(filename) archive.writeToArchive() # # processing command # # command = sys.argv[1] print('Processing command:' + command) if command == 'create': createArchive() elif command == 'add': addToArchive() elif command == 'remove': removeFromArchive() elif command == 'list': listArchive() elif command == 'update': updateInArchive() else: print("Invalid command") Processing command:add Adding to Archive:a.txt entry :0 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :1 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :2 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :3 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :4 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :5 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :6 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :7 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :8 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :9 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :10 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :11 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :12 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :13 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :14 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :15 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :16 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :17 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :18 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :19 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :20 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :21 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :22 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :23 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :24 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :25 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :26 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :27 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :28 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :29 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :30 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 entry :31 filename: sequence:0 size:0 00 00 00 00 No more room 

Hello guys, I was playing around with Splashtop remote access but is time to remove from my test machines, I have a detections script that is working fine but the uninstall scrip is n to working.
Using intune here, any help will be much appreciated 🙏🏼
$appdetails = (Get-ItemProperty Registry::HKLM\SOFTWARE\WOW6432Node\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Uninstall\*) Where-Object {$_.InstallLocation -eq "C:\Program Files (x86)\Splashtop\Splashtop Remote\Server\" -and $_.DisplayName -eq "Splashtop Streamer"}
try {
if ($appdetails) {
Start-Process "msiexec.exe" -ArgumentList "/x $($appdetails.PSChildName) /qn" -Wait -NoNewWindow
Write-Output "App removed"
exit 0
} else {
Write-Output "No action required"
exit 0
}
} catch {
$errMsg = $_.Exception.Message
Write-Output $errMsg
}

I have never posted on reddit before and got the idea while googling last night and thought it was a good idea to process it myself.
First of all, English is not my native languague so I apologize for the spelling and poor grammar. And that this will be a very long post and all over the place with several questions and maybe much unnecessary details and segways, and if nobody see this and it get no responses it is fine. I will save this text and probably go through it many times for myself. (after writing this I feel like I ofcourse would appreciate someone to read this, but not necessary) And im telling this from my point of view and which may be a bit off in what reality was like or I could be completly wrong. Anyways this is what I have been going over in my head constantly since the worst day of my life happend. And i´m not an expert in human behaivour and im not saying that im mostly right or mostly wrong. Many things in this text might sound silly and that its only human to have such attatchment to different small gestures or memories when its personal.
Some backstory first:
So a week and a half ago my family had to go through one of the worst things a family can go through, that is the suicide of a loving, carrying and supporting father.. This came very sudden and even though I had contact with him daily, and to me I never picked up any signs at all prior to the last days, weeks, months or before. And have talked to the other closest to him and they have said the exact same thing. (my mother said tho that he has been complaining that he is old and that it is very hard for him to not be like he has been before, energy wise and that he now is retired, he died just after he turned 69. But I can not tell if that is something she is just saying to give us a reason and sooth our doubts of why)... We, siblings who are really close to our parents would not have guessed it in a million years that it would happen to our family, these things doesn´t happen to us... is how we all have felt.
I don´t know how big part i have in his decision. And i´m only a member of this family, and I know that it possible it didnt revolve around me entirely, but its hard not to blame oneself right now.
First some very basic information about my fathers character, as a tribute. Its imposible to sum up someones character in a post but this is what pops up in my head first when I think of him.
First, some good things I thought of my father, and I don´t mean to make this sound like bragging but this is the way I saw him. You could see hi´s emotions but if you asked how he was you would always get a "it´s fine" always even when you had doubts. He was a very handy man who always had something going for him, he was litteraly the definition of stoic. and I have heard countless and countless of people say the same thing about him all my life. He was successful in his trade, he was a very handy engineer who was BRILLIANT at solving handy-man problems. Had an almost superhuman level of discipline, always projects going on for him (not things that was for himself but for family members and friends who needed help). He was a very successful boxer in hi´s youth and kept training and coaching AND was outworking the majority of 40 year old younger cocky guys with high testosterone levels, even tho he was in his late 60s.
(I would train with him and would sometimes have a bad day, feeling lazy during the boxing session and think, to myself: "FUCK THIS i´m going to do this half-assed today"). I NEVER saw him having that mentality, and we are talking for many years, he always had an attitude to go hard TODAY, every day and to not give up or slack.... He had that reputation in our boxing club and I was so proud to tell the ones who didnt know that he was my dad.
It was baffling how helpful he was to everyone around him, even when there were situations regarding me for example and had nothing to do with him. When I thought it was an unfair situation I would complain to him and say: "fuck this, this is unfair! Im not doing this, they cant expect me to do this work, I will not even get an ounce of appreciation from them, nor would they do this for me, they are taking me for granted!" to him. He would just say: "it might be unfair but, come on, lets do it anyways I will help you" and he never made a big deal about such stuff. And something I often will think about and appreciate is that I have always had an fascination for snakes and other reptiles while my father was TERRFIED of them. At the age of 6 he build an enclosure and bought me a corn snake.
I could go on and on and say so much more great stuff about him and the countless of good memories ive had with him... endurance and hard work was just a tiny bit of his warm personality... but that was how he showed his love mainly, to be needed and help out ALL the time when he could was expected but it was never for granted, never... I praised him with love and helped him no matter what (if he wasent to stubborn to try all by himself first)... he was really my inspiration and my hero in that sense.
But as every human, he had hi´s shortcomings, mainly emotional. He would misinterpret things, would yell often to solve conflicts get very emotional without showing any deep real emotions and in my opinion. He would take things personal and often get involved if anyone around him would argue with each other and if someone would raise their voice he would go off. Even if the argument had nothing to do with him and was not severe at all.
So from a very young age I would process it very weirdly and negativly and had a hard time to understand why he was reacting the way he did. I have some very early memories from my childhood of him yelling and me being very confused. In my adulthood I just accepted that you would not get deeper with him even if you tried and try to make him see it from a different point of view. A fun thing is that in some weird situations I feelt that I was hi´s dad, im much bigger than him so I would kiss him on the head and talk to him like he was a child not mockingly but he understood the humour in it.. And I was so happy that he didnt think it was weird. I know that he appreciated every gesture of gratitude that I showed him, that is one thing im sure. .. But I was mainly sad for him that he could not resolve things in other ways that I for example think is easy and obvious... but did not pity him that he handled his emotions the way he did, I accepted it.. And he was still the best father anyone could ask for. So hi´s flaws were minimal to me and I never had the thought in my life of having another father than him.
Boy this is going to be a long text..
Now some things about me, this is going to be harder to write:
Short about my childhood and how I see myself as a person:
I have always had a very weird self image of myself. Even sinse I was a child ive felt different. Many people might do, but for me I have always had a hard time accepting and often doubting who i´m as a person. I had for a pretty high age the need to be close to my parents, I could very rarely stay at anyones house for a sleep over and for a very long time I would find it very hard not to have my parents sleeping in the same room. I was not afraid of the dark or afraid in that sense, I just wanted to feel that they were present and secure. In a way i´m the complete opposite of how my father was. I have no problems talking about feelings, I might not be good at it or see things in the right or positive way all the time, but for me, opening up is not hard nor something I shy away from. I have lived a very ordinary Swedish, middle class life, no REAL challenges at all.. Except for the ones I have up in my head. I have not accomplished anything special in my youth except for being average. I have no childhood trauma, been average in school with average grades and have had a decent amout of good friends. So I have never been tested, until now.
Adult life:
In my family "everyone have bad days and everyone have good days", that has been the moto. But I started getting deeper depressions which were severe but dissapeard and came back from time to time. I waited until I was around 20 to seek help and talk to a doctor. He and I had a long talk and in the end he asked me if I ever been tested for bipolar disorder. I knew nearly nothing about it but agreed to do an evaluation. The doctors I met came to the conclusion that I probably have bipolar disorder type 2. For many years it went up and down with accepting that i´m bipolar and denying it. The same thing with medication, on and off constantly. And the same with my self image and what I can acomplish in with my life. The fact is and this I can not deny is simply the truth. (and not me hating on myself is... That I have been a spoiled man-child a very big part of my adult life and a slacker).
My parents have had hopes for so long that I would succeed and stand on my own two legs and they have made it as easy as can possibly be for someone to make it! After I graduated from upper secondary school (age 18-19 in Sweden) I had the possibility to move and work in another country, ofcourse I quit and gave up 2 months later and moved back.
After that my parents tried and tried to motivate me to get a job, I did not put any real efforts at all. They paid for me to take a truckers license (around 2-3k euro here in Sweden). I did that, and after that my father hired me to work at his company... I had the constant thoughts from time to time that I was hired only because I was the son of the boss and that I was not qualified on top of other dark thoughts. Other times I was proud of myself and thought that I did an excellent job and that I could do almost anything I put my mind to. And I did not want to make my parents dissapointed so I hung in for 4 years, driving a truck and milling asphalt. It was a job that paid very good money so I could do stuff like buy a very nice apartment with extremly affordable rent. gadgets and furniture and most of all, to pay my bills every month.. which is something to be very grateful for and I have been. I quit the job after 4 years and I don´t even remember my reasoning anymore but I think at the time I had told myself that I could achievie something greater than driving a truck.
After that job I was not longer occupied by work (age 25 now). My CV started to get huge gaps after this and my behaviour and madness started to amplifie. And this has basically being my last 6 years:
I started to more frequently focus on the wrong things and was battling with the thoughts of not being good enough to even exist in between of that greatness was soon to come. I have a very hard time prioritizing the right things in the right order or doing it in a healthy or balanced way... Because when I get interested in something I almost always go manic and obsessed by it until the motivation dies out. I then quit and later the process starts over again, like Sisyphus. For example, that my poor self image has alot to do with my looks and how I see myself. I have gained and lost close or more than 400 pounds the last 10 years and I have never been severly obese so it has not been a one time loss. It has been a several times almost alwayys 20-50 pounds up and down at a time. (funny thing ive heard several times from people I havent met in a while is, that they wonder which version of me is going to show up)
So basically when I get depressed I eat myself up to a weight where I hate myself and when I´m manic or just having a positive perspective on life I prioritizing on losing it and go extreme until the cycle repeats itself. Other unhealthy behaviour has been, steroid use and tattooing almost my whole body (with money that I have leeched from my parents mostly). Last but the most painful bad habit I have had that is is that I have been unfaitful countless of times on women that has shown me nothing but love to me and been with me and supported me while I have been depressed... but as soon as I get out of it, get in shape and start seeing myself as good enough I seek validation from several women at the time... And the sad part is that I don´t have any guilt for it when it happens, i have emencly guilt after its done. I make it justifiable in my head that i´m either not worth the emotions of lovers so it doesn´t matter or tell myself that they are probably doing the same thing against me.
During these periods of time I have had several low income jobs that I have taken just to sooth my parents anxiousness and worry about me. But ofcourse after a while I make up something very silly and minor which i decide on in a second in my head and quit. Maybe blame my bipolar or that i´m very soon is going for something better, which never happens.
And during my unemployment I have had my parents pay my bills, feed me and survive, like a leech.. I have justified it and trully believed that change is coming.. And something so sad that I trully know is that they have believied in me to pull it together and finally do it. (It has not feelt like many years but the economic support has been very serious and large.) That is the one thing I have been convinced... They have told me countless and countless of times that "things are going to get better now, we are going to do allright and that the money is the least of our worries and that they never even think about it." Which I go back and forth with doubt and belief.
Now, to the day my father died, on the 26th of april. I had recently completed a 15 week speed course (wow 15 whole weeks of dedication and showing up every day, impressive) to apply for a specific job as a industry worker (which i never really wanted to work with but if someone asked: I was stooked about it). The hiring proccess with all honestly had been delayed a bit but I was convinced that I was going to start work as soon as any day now. And I was actually going to give it a honest shot and fight this time to make it work I had told myself... I don´t know if my parents thought I was lying and that I was just stalling in order to tell them eventually that I was not getting the job, I have no idea...
So unemployed me was just slacking at home on a work day as usual.
Bad timing, a couple of days before: (Just so to happen was that I had been having a stomach issue which had been really bothering me for a long time, I had been been delaying to check up on it but was finally convinced to go to the emergency room as it had gotten much worse. I was not at all worried myself, sure I had been feeling like shit but I thought it would be nothing serious... And I was annoyed that I had to go... Ofcourse I asked my father for a ride and he drove me there, he had this strange worrying look that is not like him. I didn´t ask if he was worried about me or so but I got a weird feeling and I feelt happy to get the confirmation that he cares about me and didnt think I was exaggerating it. He told me to call him when I was free to leave the hospital. The doctor believied that I had stomach ulcer, and possible something else that needs further testing. he wanted me to see an expert and I got an IV and that was that. Quick proccess and nothing too serious. Ofcourse my father picked me up and drove me home again, like always would do if you asked him. We had an ordinary ride home just talking casually.) Later that night I told them that I was exhausted from this and barely could get any sleep..
They offered to bring some grosseriess to my apartment and visit me friday, a couple of days later and help me out a bit to tidy the apartment up and so on... We agreed that they they could arrive at 11 in the morning and I had slept horribly the night before. So I called them long in advance and told them that it was not necessary for them to come and visit. I don´t think I explained that I was just exhausted and I felt irritated when they innsisted to come visit me anyways. I had been sick for a while, but not for so long that my apartment was in the state it was, in my eyes and standards it was not bad but I knew that in my mothers eyes I was almost living in a hoarders home with filth all around me. My mother is very pedantic and takes it very seriously that it looks presenteble. I had this scenario happen to me many times before and when its been much worse. When they come and check on me randomly and that my mother feels like SHE can´t leave until it looks good, for me I have always thought its been hilarious that SHE takes such offense even when it doesnt look that bad. But this time I was angry and irritated just the thought of her precence.
I thought like many times before "that i´m a 30 year old man and will have a fight with one grown adult over a messy apartment and when I get angry over how serious such a silly thing is going to escalate to for then the other one to jump in and get angry and involved because im upset and raising my voice or saying something unneccesary, which he will do as well and will not be able to even comprehend that he is angry and yelling aswell at me now". I could have done some cleaning easily I had plenty of time, I could have changed my mindset and avoided everything. It was not in the state of a hoarders house but for my mother it was almost. But I chose to embrace the in my mind pointless drama that was to come and I was already in a bad mood.
And was preparing lines in my head like "do you live here or do i?" and ridicul her for her taking it so seriously... Even tho I know that she is doing me a favour and helping me out, its a act of kindness. But in my mind she is making me so small making me feel like she is having her disabled fully adult grown son with the cleaning who cant do anything right.
They arrived, she discovered a half decaying piece of chicken and some other nasty stuff in my fridge, some unwashed dishes and that the floors hadent been vaccumed in a good while. Everything would have been done in 25mins max if I just helped. But I chose to tell her that she can take the kitchen but dont enter the bathroom nor the bedroom... It was irritation from both parties from the begining, I told them that I know how it looks, please lets not argue, she went to the fridge and that small thing as a sigh had me over react, she had pulled out a piece of chicken gone bad and showed it to me like it was the worst thing she have seen in 60 years (atleast that was how i saw it). I just grabbed it with my hands while I searched for a garbage bag. My father reacted to that directly and a bit angerly and was so chocked that I grabbed a piece of rotten chicken with my bare hands. Then I let her do her thing and I went to my bedroom and closed the door. Something that I reacted to very strongly is that my mother ordered my father to vaccum my living room floors. I feelt so bad about that I feelt shame, but I didnt tell him that I could do it I just wanted them to leave as soon as possible. I think he really feelt that I didnt want him to do this and for him I dont think the messy apartment was a big deal at all. He discovered that the vaccum cleaning bag had been broken and I was out of them. I was glad because I knew that he would offer to go to a store and buy new ones, which he did. I wanted him to get away
I was the one who started to fight more intensly and when my mother entered my bedroom and started to re-arrange and sort out my computer desk, I overreacted (there is a trend of that) and told her to leave, it escalated more and more and we brought up other stuff that didnt have to do with this silly situation and just in time my father came back and he joined in and we started yelling and arguing... I dont even remember much what I said or he said, but I pointed out that my father had yelled at their little 4 pounds lapdog that they had brought with them how stupid it was to yell to a dog to stop shivvering and moaning (she was afraid of the situation and is very easily scared when in unfimiliar places) and he got embarassed. and other things to try to hurt his feelings like our relationship about me and him, and our bond. When the argument gets to the worst it can get I usually would say things like "how much of a failure im to him and how dissapointed he is in me, and that I can feel it and see it in his eyes." I have never said anything about him that HE is as a bad parent or that I would not love him or respect him as a father ever in my life. While he would say the same thing that "he is the worst parent and that he is worthless and a failure". So we both would attack each other with the same things because it hurts the most I think. After that they would not leave yet so I just randomly got the idea that I had a bottle of wine in my fridge, which i took and was "going to drink in my loneliness". I have not had a drop of alcohol in 2024 and I would not do such a stupid thing to upset my ill stomach. It was a random thought I had in the moment and expected them to call my bluff or dont care at all. But I got a reaction from my father that I did not expect, he got so so mad and upset and he grabbed me and I could see the rage in his eyes while he screamed "are you a fucking alcholic now aswell?" and tried to take the bottle away from me. I did not care about that bottle but I resisted just because. we got very physical, I was sitting in my computer chair while he was grabbing and trying to get that bottle like it was the most important thing ever, that was how upset he was, and I was aswell. The strange thing is that my parents really should know that I dont drink alcohol anymore because I have been taking my fitness goals very seriously the whole year. I did not even care about the bottle, I would most certainly poured it out myself when they left if this wouldnt happen. He got ahold of it at last, stormed out of my bedroom without saying a word, i shut the door and I could hear how he poured it out in the sink and they left, both of us without saying anything else.
I was convinced and was 100% sure, no doubt in my mind at all that both of them was thinking just like me, how laughibly silly that was... Because instantly after that they left, I could even have ran out and stopped them before they drove away from my apartment and say how sorry I was, but I thought that lets cool down a bit its no rush... and would never think in a million year even think how it would turn out... I was feeling ashame and guilt instantly over how unneccessary it was and how immature I was, and how they were aswell. I was not upset or blaming my parents at all for it I just thought it was typical us.. I didnt think of the arguement I feelt most shame that my mother just wanted to help me out a bit and I had to escalate it as often happen..
when we have had fights we always made sure to talk about it nothing deep or how to maturely take up conflicts next time but say sorry and really mean it.. this was a tiny, tiny little arguement that I have had much much worse with my parents for 30 years.. And it was usually my father who had the humour to joke about it how it is some fucked up gene that runs in our family and that it most be from my mothers side.. and how lucky other families are that are normal and never fight and doenst have severe problems as we have...
I waited less than 2 hours before i sent this text to my mother exact words, it was just random I could have just aswell called my father or my mother it was just the timing this time:
I wrote:
I feel so really really bad about my behaviour today....
She responded:
Don´t even think about it anymore. We will always want the best for you, and you know it deep inside that it is true.
After that, I had no thought about the chaotic morning, just that I got the idea and would call them the next day and invite them back again and joke that "they will just have to buy me some stuff on the way before they come to get invited". And then I would probably take it even further and actually send them a list with nonsensical items and pretend to yell on them when they actually arrive without them.
But that did not happen, a police woman called me at 9 o clock at night and told me that my father was dead. And I could not comprehend it, even more when my mother told me that he had hung himself. Before this I had only lost my grandfather to old age and he had been smoking sinse he was 10 and he assured me that he was in peace so I feelt no real sorrow on that funeral. So now I know the unbearable feeling of losing someone that you loved and I wish nobody this feeling ever, but sadly it happens. He did not leave a note and I never got to say good-bye or know why he did it.
My mother has processed this unbeliavble well, atleast she shows that she is strong to us kids, even my sisters are strong even tho we all grief. But I have not shown strength, I have had been rushed to the pshyciatric emergency clinic 3 times in hope of a bit or relief but I feel better when i´m alone, and I know that my sisters are taking care of my mother and that I don´t have to worry about her safety.
It´s a very weird feeling because now it feels like nothing can ever bother me again, every little problem and anxiety or worry feels like it will not even make a dent. I hope so for the future atleast.
I have taken this very badly and seek temporarly numbness, the psychatric wards are refusing to prescribe stronger pills due to my history as bipolar, or that is not the whole reason they say but they offer me anti anxious non addictive weak pills that I have been taken for a decade now and even in the past it havent helped me enough or very very little. I told them that it was like throwing a cup of water at a massive burning building. The ironic thing is that we argued about alcohol the last thing we did, which I did not drink, and now because I want to numb myself even for the small temporary moments it helps so I have been drinking every day and night sinse it happend. And I had money to pay for my rent and such, and my mother knows it.. So it´s funny how I have and will blow all my money on alcohol now... but! I will refuse to take a single dollar from her from now. But better times will come, in honour of my father.