A while ago, I received an offer for a tenured associate professor position (a lateral move). At the time, it's the only offer I had, and while I tried my best to delay it, I eventually had to sign it. However, it's contingent on the final tenure approval, the process of which is still under way (so, even though I signed it, it's not yet fully official and, in theory, may still fall through but unlikely). A few weeks ago, I received another offer from another university, which is much better than the first one (also tenured associate professor, better fit, much better location, higher salary and startup package, etc.). For the sake of my long-term career as well as my family (spouse and several kids), I want/decide to back out of the first offer to accept the second one. I know it's a dick move, bad optics, a taboo, etc., but I believe it's best for myself and my family. I'm certain the first offer can't match the second (I tried to negotiate my salary and startup with them to no avail, and one can't change the location). I just don't know how to best approach breaking the news to the chair of the first offer. Should I write a formal email/letter, or should I ask for a phone call? Should I tell the chair the full story (the other offer) or should I keep it as vague as possible and hide the second offer (like vaguely state family reasons for having to back out)?

Her post: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/s/ooTwyFNwWk She only showed me this a few days ago, but for the past couple of weeks my now ex gf has been curating the truth to extract as much validation as she can from this situation, and has prevented me from commenting or sharing my side.
She admits that I actually said - that I bought a house with us in mind. I did say that. When i first met her, I was moving away to LA. I had already lived in a home that was paid off for 12 years, but when i met her; i decided that maybe it's best and continue to build a life here, and should things work out, we could figure out a future together.
I had been looking at the market and one day, an amazing house came on the block, for 300k less than it was a months ago. I pounced and went to see it. That night i told her i saw a place, i even sent her the photos and said, i'm going to place an offer, which i did.
She seemed to love the place and see how much of an upgrade it would be from my current place - this is a 2M house, with 4 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, 2 living rooms and most importantly, a garage as my cars kept getting stolen since i didn't have one at my current place.
There was never mention of us moving in together right away, at the time we were together for 6 months, wayyyy too soon. We weren't even saying "i love you yet" - and i did say that once actually, and she just didn't return it anyways.
That being said, since we spend 95%% of our time sleeping at my place when we see each other once a week, figure this would be good for us, and when it is time, we could move in together there and go from there.
She loved the place, from what she said, this was supposed to be a positive.
Now let's rewind though.
3 months into the relationship, she asked to borrow 4000$. I was not comfortable with it, but as usual, she made herself seem so much in need, that I couldn't say no and just break up with her there, but now I realize i should have. She guilted me sayinf that couples have to work together and be there for each other and all that jazz.
The fact is, within those first 3 months, i had brought her to LA while i had to be there on business and the total cost of the week that she was there was around 3K. Then, over xmas, we went to another city, another 2-3K, as well as a punta cana vacation for 7K. So after all that is when she decided to ask me, and you don't need to be a genius to realize thst she chose me because clearly, she pinned me as having the money to.
Had this been my wife or long term gf, this wouldn't of been an issue, but 3 months in - this was a big flag and i talked to her about it. As usual, and as a pattern throughout this relationship, she would get extremely angry, lose her cool and make me feel bad for "questioning her character".
So, fast forward to me actually moving into this house over a 3 week period. She helped none whatsoever, never offered and my own family, friends, and people who were working at the house asked me about it apl the time. Oh she has school, oh she texts me though and so on. Completely MIA until of course friday or saturday night where she wanted to go for dinners or go to shows - that we did, of course.
One day, once her exams had tailed down and she told me she was waking up early to write a photo, i saw that she posted a sunshine kissed selfie saying: yoga! Meal prep! Coffee! Sunshine!
And i wrote her privately: " you know, i feel you could have at least offered to help in some way today". Again, she loses it, tells me : " you know you don't have to tell me something just because it bothers you" and then eventually she says, and i will never forget this ever : " don't you think you're expecting a little much of me for 7/8 months of dating"?
I was shocked. For some reason, pressuring your bf for a 4000$ loan 3 months in, but offering help in any way over a 3 week period is too much.
I called it off, decided i don't need her and this relationship wouldn't work with this set of values we don't share.
A couple of days later, after trying whatever she could to flip this whole fight on me, constantly chaging the goal post as a pattern i had identified and made her aware of repeatedly over those 7/8 months, she eventually showed up unannounced, apologizing profusely, and apparently seeming to genuinely recognize that it wasn't right, and she could have offered.
I took some of the responsibility once she did, and said that maybe, i could have been more direct as to when and how.
We resolved, we started to laugh again, this was a fight that we would "learn from" we both said.
Well, last week we disagreed for another simple issue, and she blew up as she does, yelling, calling my life chaotic, calling me eveything she can think of, and then says she resents me for wanting her to help with the house when she had exams!
Basically she took back the apology fully and stormed out of the house, i did not chase her. I did not text her, and i did not want to negotiate at all anymore.
The next morning she said she acted like that because i told her she was fucked. Tbh, i don't remember saying that, but i probably did as she was having a massive blow up.
I apologized for saying that she is fucked because afterall, whatever i do is in my control and tried my very best to get her to see that blowing up like that, is her behavior to be accountable for.
That's when she shared the original thread... again - no words, shocked that for a couple of weeks in the background she had been farming all these comments about me, sharing our personal stuff and curating it in a way to make herself look like, you guessed it, a "victim" whose boyfriend "bought her a house"?
We met off hinge. She asked to borrow 3K from me 3 months in, and I told her since then that it just didn't look good at all, and I'd hate to have something like that i couldn't even share with my friends / family.
The facts are that she only shared as the relationship went on:

• she is over 40k in debt
• Got fired from her nursing job because the educator had it in for her
• Missed out on receiving funding from the school because of their online portal
• Wasn't able to apply to graduate because the school didn't let her know properly
• Hates her parents even though they gabe her a car, paid for her exams and other failed attempts at schooling in the past
• Told me that her last relationship was "toxic" and she didn't see a future with him but stayed with him for 3 years and when they broke up, he threatened to jump off their building, same building she currently lives in - where 1 bedroom costs more than my previous mortage did for the 12 years that i paid it.

Overall, yes i had reason to play it slow with her. I didn't want her moving in on a technicality, or making me responsible for all her bills or getting trapped if things didn't work out.
I didn't buy her a house, i bought my house, in cash, paid in full and she was well aware that.
I bought a house because I had settling down in my current city in mind after meeting and had hoped it would work out.
But here she is complaining about if she would have an office in it, for...nursing?
A shoe room? I have 25 pairs of shoes in a closet. The spare bedroom would be for a baby's room, possibily if my future half is comfortable with that. Discussions would be had but i realized that discussions would never be had with her.
She has rage in her mind, a wild sense of entitlement and at present time is currently getting evicted from her apartment, and has no full time job but all the time in the world to make reddit posts for validation.
This problem is solved, she is not going to move in, and i am accountable for my house and hope she becomes accountable for "her house".
I welcome any comments / questions but i know I was dealing with a highly problematic person who will never truly realize her ways.

Hi there, I'm M25, looking for some solutions here. I've taken on about 60,000 in federal debt from the covid times, in addition to currently owing about $15,000 in back taxes, plus an additional $7,500 or so once I finally get around to filing my taxes from the 2021 year.
The last couple of years I haven't worked much. I was self-employed, and never taught about taxes. In fact, my education about taxes, from my non-educated, high school drop out father, was basically, "taxes are theft," "earn your money in cash," and "the only thing you'd need to file taxes for is if you want a loan for a house, car, business, etc." I still agree with many of his sentiments today, and I know he's not the only one with these ideas. Frankly I find it hard and very frustrating to have to give my money to the government, considering I know they're just unlimited printing money and the limited amount of money I have right now isn't going to make even a small dent in the national debt.
The $60,000 from the federal government is currently accruing interest at a nominal rate of 5% per year. $3,000 per year in interest.
The reason I haven't worked much, is largely because of some mental health and physical health issues. Now, I find myself in a situation where I owe roughly $80,000 to the federal and provincial governments. In addition, I have now racked up an additional $30,000 in student loans [also, from the federal/provincial governments][no interest for now, thankfully, not overly concerned about it.]
There's $110,000 in total debt to the government. I have also, an additional $25,000 approximately in personal loans from friends/family.
I have high hopes for myself, always have. I'm fairly sure, I could win some pretty large contracts with enough grit, or expand an existing business with someone I know, at the end of this summer. Both options have a good potential of coming true in the long-term, I think. But in the meantime, I have considerable debt which I'm not sure what to do about, and, frankly, it's depressing.
If I filed for bankruptcy, I'd lose the option to keep getting student loans, and the federal grants that go along with it [free money]. It's not clear if this happens if I file the consumer proposal. I thought about just continuing to run up the student loans, and then declare bankruptcy later, but, frankly, the whole idea of the debt hanging over my head during that time is very anxiety provoking, even if it's not 'immediately due.' I just want it out of my hair.
I have concerns that this becomes public record, and if I entered into politics later in life, that this might come back to burn me, but I'm honestly starting to get to the point where I think it might be there best option. There's also an element of feeling like a moral failure, if I have to take either of these options.
In summation:
What would you do in the scenario, and why?
What kind of mindset shift should I adopt around taxation?

My fiance of 3 years together for 5 recently decided to end our relationship. When we first met I owned a house and had a paid off car and motorcycle. After our daughter was born in 2021 she convinced me to sell the house and move to Oregon from Kansas due to her having trauma from our daughters birth. I wanted her to be happy so I gave in. I left a good job, sold my motorcycle and we moved to Oregon in 2022. Since we've move to Oregon the money from selling the house is gone along with $30000 in a retirement fund. We bought her a 26000 truck that she wanted with loan under my name, her sister is buying the truck from us as her job wasn't enough to cover the cost. There are 2 maxed out credit cards with around 24000 total on them. We have agreed to both take a card and pay them off. She has taken multiple trips on her own as well as a stomach bypass in Mexico. Back in March I found out she had cheated on me on a family trip back to Kansas. Wish I had gotten smart and left her then. Do I have a case for filing for her paying me back some of the money that has been spent?

Hey everybody, wanted to share our details, help hold us accountable as well as provide info to anyone interested.
Mrs and I both have FT jobs, our primary interest right now is in financial independence. We live in a LCOL area and both WFH at different companies (I'm in tech, she does govt/tech work). 2 kids (high school and middle school). It's a full house, lots of pets etc.
Combined Assets:

• House (450k value estimate, probably more as its had a number of upgrades, paid in full)
• 600k in various age 59 retirement accounts (401k, IRA, etc)
• 400k in brokerages
• 230k in vested company equity (RSUs)
• 20k in HYSA accounts
• 2 commodity cars, paid for and both good working condition
• 30k in 529's for the kids but not really counting that either. Will probably double that this year.

Liabilities, none. No house debt, no car debt, no student loans, no CC debt. Ok, that's not entirely true. There is 8k on a store card to pay for a kitchen upgrade, but this 8k is just sitting there at 0% for 24 months. I could pay it on Monday but there's been no rush. I've committed to paying it off at some point this year to keep the missus happy.
Net income is too high for our expenses and living area. Combined we're about 850k/year. Basically, salary plus company RSUs, so that is not all straight salary. It has had some variability to it.
Expenses are about 5k a month. If you do the math, assume about half of our income is going to taxes and 401k/IRAs (which are maxed out), we live on 60k/year and have roughly 350k/year left over. That 350k goes to more investments, savings, 529's or the occasional extra thing like a vacation or some fun money. In the past that money has gone to those things plus paying off the mortgage, house upgrades and the like. But its been like that, we're actually fairly frugal so well over 90% of that goes to more saving. It's not torture, we enjoy it.
In past years we did make less, so this is a bit of a record acceleration year for income. It has not always been like this.
My projections for the next 3 years are fairly linear and are bound to be wrong, because our progression has not been linear so far:

• 2m in assets by the end of 2024
• 2.5m in assets by the end of 2025
• 3.1m in assets by the end of 2026

Past that I couldn't predict. We passed the 1m mark about a year ago so I could be way off with how things could accelerate now. I think you can see that we are big on saving and investing, at this point we really enjoy the progress and talking to each other about it, and trying to do better at it. As I said our goal right now is complete financial independence, I'm not sure what we'll do with that but we don't like to be beholden to anybody or anything.
Long term we'd like to figure out how to get a 2nd home in a different area. We intend to always keep this house, keep it in the family and get a 2nd home somewhere for us. But the timeframe for that is probably 8+ years out so we don't have that figured out yet. We wouldn't be doing it before both kids are grown and out of high school. We also intend to be travelling more often at that point, so we'll have more things to spend our money on.

Hey guys, looking to get some 2nd and 3rd opinions on a financial plan for the next few years.
33m and will be in the black this year for the first time. Simultaneously coming into some money through family that will wipe out the last bit of my car loan and top up my RRSP, FHSA and TFSA. So now I'm considering what to do with my incoming savings and tax refunds.

• 90k salary, ~1.5k savings per month after necessary and discretionary expenses
• Work RRSP and stock purchase matching programs already maxed starting this year
• TFSA (150k) and FHSA (8K) soon to be maxed out, mainly invested in blue-chip CAD stocks.
• RRSP (100k total) soon to be topped up by 70k, also in big CAD stocks, maybe an ETF or two.
• Will start by putting 6-10k in Wealthsimple cash (4% interest) as liquid/emergency savings
• Common-law Partner will be going back to school soon and I will probably to contribute more to rent/groceries. Tuition and expenses will either be paid for thru scholarships/grants, family, or in 0% interest student loan.
• Partner has very little/nothing in her RRSP/TFSA/FHSA, but negligible debt (just some 0% student loans from undergrad).

So, after building the emergency fund, what to do with the large cash influx over the next few years as I claim the RRSP contributions on my taxes... Obviously each year the priority will be topping up my registered accounts.
It would be nice to have some higher-risk investments that we could cash out for discretionary purposes, like a vacation, or to help my partner nuke her 0% student loans after she's done grad school. Does it make the most sense to put a bunch of money into her TFSA for this purpose?
I assume there's no point doing any investment in a non-registered account while there's still room in her TFSA?
Buying a house isn't on the horizon unless the housing market and interest rates both crater.

I 35f was with my ex 37m (Cb) for 7 years, been broken up for 2 years. It wasn't a good relationship, I have more bad memories than good ones. But we were participating in illegal activities that changed who we were.
Together we had 3 kids, my 2 boys and his daughter. Back then it was always his daughter and my boys, it was never our kids. Out of the 7 years my boys have not 1 good memory of him, they say only remember him playing video games.
I admitt I hurt him first by cheating while he got sent to jail. After he got sent his whole family turned their backs on him. I took our a loan so he can have work release and if course provided the rides to and from there. I felt the weight of having to do the samething for him I just got done going thru with my ex 2 years prior to meeting Cb. So I got high and ignored any emotion.
I felt like complete shit cuz he didn't do anything to deserve that. But for years I tried to show him that I can earn that trust back. I always told him where I was going, how long I'll be, and when I'm I'm on my way back.
Then the abuse started, then all of his lies started piling up and the gaslighting. I found out after I left that he did cheat and lied and hid it from me for tje last 2 years but projected his guilt onto me.
This man can literally tell me the sky is blue and when I go outside and i see for myself that it is, I still won't believe anything he says. No stories, no answers, no explanation. Nothing!
So why is that I can't let go. I still feel the need to have him in my life, thankfully I left his ass in another state so running into him is not a problem. I don't understand why I care to see what he's up to, when I know it's either a lie or not the whole truth.
When we got together he had a job, a place, he took care of his daughter, played the drums, good looking 6ft tall, funny, charismatic. The dude was fuckn hot back then, he was the package. I guess since we've been 2 years sober should I give it another try or just leave it?

I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I am 30 years old and I work as a credit card fraud investigator. You might think I’m making good money but I am broke as a joke (I make 28K a year).
I was trying to do research on how to “move up the ladder” in this field but I am unsure on how to do that. I have two years of experience in this field and I have been applying to different jobs that have a better salary but I keep getting turned down. I wish I had a bachelors degree (I only have associates degree).
I then think maybe I should go back to the medical field. I was an emergency medical technician for 5 years and I was also studying nursing but I dropped out because of family issues and it all became too much. I keep hearing from my friends that I should go back and finish. I have 1 1/2 years left. I just don’t know.. juggling work full time and nursing school would be the death of me and the student loans would be crazy. I’m poor as it is. I do find nursing interesting though. I wanted to do travel nursing.
Considering how broke I am, I then think maybe I should just join a trade. My brother is an electrician and he is making good money and he is also living in a two bedroom apartment in the city. He said I should do it because it would be fast money and they always give raises. Welding seems interesting too. I heard you can travel too!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO INDECISIVE IN MY LIFE. Please help me kind strangers. I feel so foolish with the state of my life right now.

I’m reaching out for some advice and resources to help me get my driver’s license under some challenging circumstances. Here’s my situation:

1. I don’t have family or friends who can assist me with learning to drive or lend me a car for practice or the driving test. They both unwilling or unable to.
2. My financial situation is quite tight. I was laid off from my warehouse/factory job January and my unemployment ran out so I can't afford expensive driving schools or private lessons. All of my bills have been paid up except for rent because I live with a relative. The can't loan me theirs because they're extremely busy.
3. I don’t own a car, which makes it difficult to practice and take the driving test.

I am based in the Atlanta, GA area, and I’m looking for any of the following:

• any community programs, non-profits, or government initiatives in Atlanta that offer affordable driving lessons? I’ve heard some organizations might offer free lessons to low-income individuals.
• How can I find a vehicle to practice in and use for my driving test without having to rent an expensive car? Are there any programs or volunteer groups that might help?
• Any tips from people who have been in a similar situation? Creative solutions or little-known resources that might help me get my license without spending a lot of money?

I have a lead on a job that can get me out of this bind with extremely strict budgeting so I can get Getting a driver’s license would significantly improve my job prospects and overall independence, so I’m eager to find a way to make this work despite my current limitations.
Thank you in advance for your suggestions and support!

Welcome to /gofundme!

____
In an effort to make your crowdfunding efforts more successful here on Reddit, some background first:
​
Credibility, Community, and You
AKA, Why Do We Have Account Requirements?
In many of the gifting and fundraising subs, you'll notice that without a certain amount "karma" and an account that's old enough, you'll garner down votes or worse, your posts and comments get automatically removed.
Why?
To many Redditors, this place is a community built on activity. The "coin" of the land here is your account, and how much you've contributed to the Reddit community at large reflected in post and comment karma.
As a general rule, Redditors dislike the creation of accounts specifically to fund raise or to make requests. It makes it seem like these people simply treat Reddit as some sort of magical internet wallet, and that doesn't win many friends.
The other reason why new accounts are so disliked is that they're often alternate accounts of established users, in order to hide their activity from people they know. While we do sympathize with those of you who have valid reasons, this privilege is often abused by those who create disposable accounts to scam people for a quick buck.
So if you're new to Reddit, welcome! Spend some time and look around for something that catches your interest and chat it up with others and become part of the community!
However if you're here for the sole reason of making requests in a hurry, please be aware your pleas for help will likely be ignored.
​
**REMEMBER, CREDIBILITY AND COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING!**
​
For this reason, the mods will not post anything on behalf of any user that does not meet account requirements.
_____
Account Requirements
All accounts must meet BOTH of the following:

1. Account age of 90 days or older.
2. *Comment* karma of 250 or greater.

NOTE: We are specifically looking for *COMMENT* karma. The karma value you are probably looking at is a COMBINED value, consisting of both Link/Post karma plus Comment karma.
​
To view your karma breakdown:

• Mouse-hover over your username on desktop. This works for both the old and redesigned web site.
• On the official Reddit app for iOS, view your profile, then tap the karma value shown.
• On the official Reddit app for Android, view your profile, then tap the karma value shown.
• On the unofficial Reddit App for Android, RIF (Formerly known as Reddit is Fun), your breakdown is listed on your profile screen.

​
The following circumventions will result in a ban, and get you added to the UniversalScammerList:

• Using a karma farming subreddit, such as Karma4You. Also posts and comments asking for karma or complaining that you don't have enough karma counts as karma farming.
• Unsolicited private messaging to push your campaign.
• Posting your campaign on someone else's post. (EVEN ON THIS ONE!)

Comment Karma is directly correlated to how many comments you leave plus/minus any points as people upvote a popular comment or downvote an unpopular comment.
_____
Rules
​

1. Posts must be more than just a link to your campaign. Be descriptive! Be prepared to show evidence if needed. If the mods find it lacking, it may be removed.
2. Please Flair your posts, once created. If you don't know how, just let the mods know and we'll do it for you.
3. Only 1 GoFundMe per user. We want you have some personal connection to the campaign, and not submit multiple GFMs simply because they were in the news.
4. Reposts are allowed once a week. If a repost comes up too early, the newest one(s) will be removed.
5. Crowdfunding sites only. No crypto currency, direct PayPal, cash transfers, trading or loans. Our scope is only GoFundMe and other crowd sourced funding sites.
6. Don't PM people to make requests. If you receive an unsolicited private message, please let us know!
7. Do not post politically-related campaigns. They're just too divisive. Also, they're too often used to scam people (remember the campaign to fund Trump's wall?).
8. Trolling will not be tolerated and offending users will be banned.
9. Don't bug the mods for an exception to the account requirements. None will be given. If you attempt to circumvent the requirement by karma farming or by commenting on someone else's post, your account will be banned.
10. No posting for other Redditors. No Alts. This is viewed as a circumvention of the requirements and the accounts in question will be banned. (New Oct 22, 2020)
11. No referral links. A referral link like that isn't likely to solve anyone's financial problems in the time frame they need. (New March 16, 2024)

Any referral links posted here will be flagged as spam, and may trigger your account to be added to Reddit's site-wide spammer list.
_____
Supporting Information Requested
We aren't the government. We aren't a court of law. We definitely don't want you to give out information that could lead to identity theft. However, some campaigns are more successful when they have additional documentation.
This includes:
- Pet related requests: Photos of your pet in question, with your username on a handwritten note in the picture. This helps show you actually own the pet in question.
- Education related requests: Documentation showing enrollment or acceptance if you are asking for assistance for school.
- Redacted bills showing your situation. In some cases, a donor may prefer to pay a creditor directly on your behalf, so be prepared and find out if that is available to you.
- If you are sharing a campaign for a registered certified non-profit organization (such as a 501c3 or NGO), you should say so in the post, and it should list that status on the campaign page/web site.
- Or other relevant documentation that can help establish credibility.
- At minimum, an unobstructed selfie photo of yourself(the submitter) holding a handwritten note of your username is required if none of the above apply.
Low effort posts that simply say to the effect of, "everything is listed in the GoFundMe" (or less!) will be removed.
_____
Advice On Making Your Campaign Go Further
Not all crowdfunding campaigns are the same, but here are some suggestions.

• Make sure your campaign has been shared among your Facebook friends! You might think it's embarrassing, however your friends and family are more likely to care than internet strangers.
• Show that you've exhausted all the other possibilities. A lot of potential donors don't like to give money when it seems like the requester's first and only solution is to simply throw someone else's money at the problem. Nobody is going to take your word when you literally only say, "but I've done everything!", when the actual reality is probably closer to "I've done everything I can think of", which arguably is NOT everything.
• Show that there's a plan to use the money wisely. Often people have campaigns for their business ideas, but it doesn't really seem like they thought it all the way through. Tell people what steps you've taken so far, and what you're going to do next.
• Be open to critics. If there's something that people ask about, you should not be dismissive. Provide more detail. There's a possibility that they know something you don't, or they have something different about their own experience that might be useful to you. If you simply brush off your critics, it shows objectively that you're not doing everything possible.
• Review your own campaign with the mindset of a potential donor. Ask yourself, "Would I give money to this?" Or get a friend to review it for you.

_____
Questions?
Please don't hesitate to ask the mods!
​
... Unless you're trying to ask for an exception to the account requirements.

So my family and I are getting ready to buy a used car but we just recently moved and the closest bank of ours is over 200 miles away. However, there is an auto finance place near us that goes through our bank, and I was curious if we went there to ask to pull out 4-6k, if they would be able to give that to us since they're still part of our bank? Or is it just strictly auto loans?

Sorry if my post is long....Its my first time taking advise from anyone regarding such things.🙈
I have mostly studied in institutes only for girls. As I grew, talking to guys became difficult for me. Also, I was very naive always. I am the " good fun intelligent girl " as per others & "unlike other girls". Due to my family problems & fights, which promotes inferiority complex, I am not someone who considers herself beautiful all the time... to the point that once i didn't want to attend my institute's freshers party but just went there because 2 classmates called me beautiful so I thought i won't look bad maybe ( i am not much of a makeup person) & ended up being the winner ( it included looks, quizzes, debate & games ) So i found out i look pretty if I give few minutes to get ready & take care of myself a bit. I always saw myself as someone a guy won't like but after attending birthday parties etc, girls used to say their boyfriends were talking about me in a very good way later and praising me a lot. They used to feel jealous but not insecure as they saw me as a girl not interesting in dating. I never had a boyfriend. For a long time, I didn't care. Now for past 1 year, I too feel like having someone. Most of the friends who knew me ever use words like " pure " & " decent " for me though I know these things don't define purity or goodness. Have you seen " beautiful people " song video by Edsheeran? I am somewhere between those " beautiful people " & that couple. I don't know if its normal but when guys approach me through insta & start showing romantic interest just in single day, i dislike it.. like you don't even know me dude. I have a big thing for decency & friendship first. & I always have my guards up. It's self destructive maybe.
I have evolved now but since despite being a bright person, I gave up on many good opportunities so currently I don't like the current version of myself much & I feel like i should work on myself & be with others ( even friends ) when i would be a better version of me. This year is crucial for me.
Now, THE MAIN PART - Now... I have an extra anonymous type instagram account. I rarely scroll it but one day, i saw a viral reel of a girl with normal number of followers with her foreigner boyfriend. There were other reels too showing their first meeting in LDR after meeting on a dating app. At first it made me happy & smiling but I remembered something & guess what? I knew about that girl's very very bad intentions ( specially about her plan about how she would manipulate her would be boyfriend & eventually cut him off from his family)..don't ask me what & how but if i tell you.. you would ask to let the innocent man know anyhow. Well.. I dm'd that guy but only hinted indirectly for the sole purpose of humanity ( that anonymous account doesn't indicate my gender or picture ). I also wrote that it was not my main account to signify that i was not a fake troll. To my surprise, he understood the hint & even elaborated a bit & replied that such things may already be happening & he won't fell into such traps. He thanked me & said I could also come from my main account. I didn't think much & followed him from main account. He followed very very very few people but followed me back too. I decided not to talk further on this issue as he had already understood more than i hinted. But he himself thanked me again & said bad things are happening from her side & they are fighting too & he may even break up if it goes on like this. My intention was just to make him aware & at the end of the day, he is in relationship with that girl so I just replied with formal answers. I also became scared later that what if its a trap & they make me viral later picturing me as a villain. I told him this directly but he said i could trust him & he knows the situation himself & understands that I worried genuinely for him. I replied that I did this because every human is precious to their parents. Later i deleted my such texts. He said he wants to learn a language & if I could help him. I said yes. We have talked a bit since then. He seems a nice, well mannered, hardworking guy. Once my closest friend asked me to describe a guy very particularly i would like to go on few dates with just once. So I told her that all nice guys but if you ask me very specifically then a fine guy with this one particular characteristic & of this particular country. & He fulfils both. I have started to like him. It's not a dreamy crush. Believe me. I know what that is. It's more like I would like to get to know him & go on coffee date sometime. But obviously I won't take any step because - i can't even take first step in befriending someone & no matter what, there is a girl in his life. But I think if it would be good or bad if i totally give up on texting him. I can't carry on with short talks.. i am not that of a conversation expert. There is a bit of language barrier too. He likes my stories..only the ones in which i am present. But currently I am focused on important things so I don't even have much to post. He rarely posts his pictures...just work sort of stuff.
Please don't think me as a *^%## waiting for breakup. It's never my intention ever for anyone. I annoyed you by telling about the way i am to show that i just don't wanna regret anything from now on because of introvertedness or naivety or whatever & I am afraid that I might mess it up even if something happens further. I have lost precious friends in the past due to this self inferiority complex & not being able to keep on the conversation & understanding their references later on. Since, I know i have to be better.. should i just keep working on my life & myself till I make myself deserving?
What should I do? Should I just keep liking his posts and be silent... or... I can think of no other option. That's why I am here.

Over the course of my 4 year marriage to my partner, I have arrived at the position that I was abused, manipulated, and functionally enslaved to a mentally ill partner.
In simplest form, the progression is apparently observable. She was diagnosed with cancer in October of 2019 while we were engaged. Due to the diagnosis, we moved up our actual marriage date (our wedding was still set for mid-April) to December 1, 2019. Her surgery was December 13, 2019. In my compassion for her, I agreed to move our wedding date up to offset her anxiety around who would be responsible for her if things went south with her surgical treatment.
Our first month of marriage was straightforward; she was on pain meds recovering from surgery, so the main engagement that occurred was me walking her up and down the hospital hallway as she recovered and trying to meet her base physical needs of hygiene, food, and presence. We stayed in the hospital for 2-3 weeks (with recurring hospital visits for complications).
Quickly after we figured out our marital living situation in her small 3-bed apartment with 2 roommates, our relationship devolved. Specifically, she was irritable because of the pain she was in, causing her to lash out at me with regular frequency for small things. If I didn’t put clothes away in the right place, didn’t anticipate her needs (without her communicating them), or ate the wrong food in front of her she would shout at me and decry me for my thoughtlessness.
These small, critical engagements were wounding and created a distance between us – and there was no upside. She was never kind, never paid mind to needs I might have, and started down a path of cultivating a root of bitterness in her soul. She quickly revealed herself to be venomous, hateful, and vindictive when she felt like she was wronged — and any observation of concern about our marriage resulted me in being accused of being mean or insensitive, even if I spent hours or days calculating the best way to share my concern (and I have a master’s degree in communication where I focused in studying disagreement — I know how to carefully package concerns).
During this time, I worked hard to provide for us, foreseeing a significant time period where I would have to be primary financial provider and caregiver. I increased my income each year we were married by around 25%, finishing our marriage at >$80,000 in yearly income, compared to starting our marriage at a modest $42,000 salary (including dramatically improving our healthcare). Frankly, I increased my income to provide for us in spite of the lack of support at home.
But to be clear: I don’t think it would have been particularly difficult to provide financially if I had an ounce of support at home.
However, the relentless criticism and expectation of mind-reading continued through the years. I rationalized this abuse for the first year of our marriage because of all the excuses to be cruel, she had a good one – she had cancer. I hung onto a hope that it would stop. Contrary to my hope, as the years went on – and our expenses climbed – and I continued to work myself to the bone – she continued to relentlessly critique and even started being more emotionally demanding, expecting me to take responsibility for her inability to cope with her emotions – I was drowning. She was asking too much of me. There was no deliverance from her abuse.
I was exhausted. In the peak of the abuse I endured at her hand, I was working multiple jobs, sleeping 10+ hours a night and napping frequently during the day around meetings and work, then coping with alcohol to numb myself to the abusive dynamic and fall asleep with no support from her. The only time I could approach her sexually was when I was intoxicated, with inhibitions lowered. The only time I could have a conversation with her was with a counselor in the room. Without something to mitigate opportunity for her to be cruel to me, either a mediator or self-medication, I was scared.
I lived at home in a constant state of alert and cognitive fatigue. No matter how I tried to make sense of my home life, I couldn’t. When she looked at or touched me, I would recoil in fear, anticipating some sort of incisive critique or demand expressed. Then she would criticize me for not responding warmly to her, exacerbating the cycle.
I couldn’t meet her needs – I was utterly exhausted. When I would tell her of the exhaustion I experienced in marital counseling, her responses were typically something along the lines of not believing me, denying what I was saying was true, or calling my exhaustion an ‘excuse’. I could interact happily with my friends… why not her?
I did not deny her demands were legitimate; rather, I expressed my inability to meet them because of how fatigued I was. I said ‘I can’t’ so many times. I realize her demands were small; affection, saying ‘i love you’, complimenting her. But it’s disorienting to be consistently berated and belittled by a person and then asked to compliment them and tell them you love them.
The push and pull of abuse is exhausting to a person who is not mentally because it does not make sense.
Further, in counseling I realized that I have forgotten that I have needs. I have lost the tools to even evaluate what my needs might be because, implicitly and explicitly in my marriage, I was told my needs don’t matter.
My marriage made no sense; I was obviously drowning, exhausted with the demands our life imposed on me. I was doing everything I could to get straight. I was in individual therapy, marital counseling, pastoral counseling, trying different antidepressants (4 in total – all with no effect), changing eating habits, trying to reduce my drinking, getting medical tests to see if I had health issues causing my fatigue, and being vulnerable in my friendships in an attempt to invite others in to process and move forward and figure out my marriage. I desperately shared everything I could about my marriage, hoping someone else would crack the code where I couldn’t.
None of my efforts worked. I could not get out of the exhausted state I was in. It’s worth noting here that within weeks of separating I almost completely cut out alcohol, got into a regular sleep schedule, was waking up at 6-7am every day and reading multiple hours (which I couldn’t do in marriage due to cognitive fatigue/distraction), and experienced a resurgence of energy. I have felt the duress I was under lift and lift and lift and the weeks and months have went on.
In retrospect, I was experiencing cognitive fatigue because I was taking the demands my wife was placing on me seriously, but no matter what I did I could not make sense of them. How could she not see that I was doing everything I could to make ends meet – the ends which she was imposing on me? I did not have additional energy left. She would ask me ‘Do you love me?’ and I didn’t know how to respond. How is my work not at least some symbol of love? My dream was to be a poor professor, which she knew – instead I was grinding myself to the bone, working in digital marketing with multiple freelance projects, picking up a bartending gig and a teaching gig on top of full-time employment.
The last straw was when she accused me of abuse. I took that accusation seriously, and weighed it against my experience. ‘Am I an abuser?’ I asked myself. I sorted through my behavior and how I treated her. I came to the conclusion that I may be a poor husband in serious ways; but I am not an abuser. And the abuse question opened the door to the question… ‘I may not be an abuser… but is there abuse in our marriage?’ And the answer quickly became ‘Yes.’
When we were married, I understood that she wasn’t going to work much for a while. However, she worked the bare minimum she could for 4 years, earning at most in a single year $18,000. As the years went on and my income climbed, our debt continued to climb as well. She was still contributing the same, yet spending frivolously on useless knick knacks for our home and a cat. As I packed up our home to sell, the majority of items were dozens of boxes of useless junk she’d accumulated.
She lived a life of mania around finances. We would go to marital counseling and she would regularly express, ‘I would rather be poor and happy than rich and sad’. We were poor and sad. Sure, my income was the highest it’d ever been – but we were still drowning, with debts climbing. At the end of our marriage, we’d accumulated about $20,000 in consumer debt between credit cards and personal loans.
It was traumatizing (and abusive) to go to counseling and be told by my partner she would ‘rather be poor and happy and than rich and sad’ when the factual scenario we were living was neither. She actively denied reality – both my lived experience and the reality of our finances – at my expense. It was killing me, trying to make sense of what we were going through but being unable to make sense of what I was being told and what I was experiencing.
Throughout this time, it is worth adding that she also leveraged my spiritual leadership to ‘set me straight’. I was in a conservative Evangelical space, believing that men are the ultimate provider in a family unit and primarily responsible for the status of the marriage. Because I was not doing what she wanted me to (lavishing her with affection), I was muscled into multiple groups and meetings where pastoral care intervened to restore our marriage. In the moment, I submitted to my pastoral care because of my trust for them and my faith in God. Now, I believe this dynamic was abusive; my pastoral care did not care in any sense for my soul; they only cared about fixing my marriage. No questions around ‘why’ my marriage was so bad were asked; only what was going on and how it could be fixed. I relish the thought of my pastoral care being held accountable for the abuse they exercised upon me during this time on judgment day, albeit through a shaken faith in a God that would enable this dynamic.
With my spiritual community, I shared that I felt like she was my tormentor; that she it felt as if I were on the ground due to exhaustion, and she was standing on my throat, telling me to ‘get up’ and ‘tell me you love me’; that our metaphorical life was a boat, sinking, and I was desperately bailing out water. All the while, she stood at the other end of the boat, desperately bailing water in and looking at me like I was a maniac.
And yet, because there was no adultery, there was no category for divorce. We had sworn an oath before God and were required to fix this.
As I reflect upon my marriage (and the ongoing divorce proceedings), a few things are clear.
She is an abuser. I don’t think she intends to be, but impact matters. She is mentally ill and unable to reckon with basic reality.
She is a manipulator. She manipulated my spiritual community against me. I was viewed as someone to be corrected while begging for help from my trusted friends and pastoral care, whom I now regret being vulnerable with due to their abuse and denial of my reality because I didn’t fit neatly into their thin theological categories.
She is an enslaver. In divorce proceedings, she is doing everything she can to get every dollar from me, leveraging student loans I did not co-sign, my continually increasing income due to my hard work, and denying every claim of dissipated assets she can.
It is truly a mind-breaking experience to see your compassion leveraged against you for money. I had to sit under an attorney proclaiming to a judge that, since I consented to move up our marriage date before her cancer surgery, ‘I knew what I was getting into’. That she is entitled to large sums of money (that do not exist; we never had more than $3000 in our bank account during marriage) due to that decision.
Even apart from the abuse, I did not know what I was getting into. Including the abuse, I am full of remorse for having invited such an evil, hateful person into my life.
This experience has been the most challenging to my faith. As I endured abuse from her, I trusted God in a few ways. That the compassion I showed would maybe be rewarded – or, at least not punished. That my spiritual community wanted what was best for me. That God was not a punitive, hateful God (like my partner). I do not believe this trust was well placed, but am open to shortcomings in my views here.
I struggle to consent to a God that allowed my experience to occur. I’m open and processing in some kind of faith, but I really don’t know what it looks like to find a place to put this pain and betrayal that I’m experiencing.
I am a survivor of abuse, and the abuse I endured was mind-shattering. I sacrificed everything to support a partner diagnosed with serious bodily illness, which drove her to hate me and deny my lived experience because she could not reconcile it with the hatefulness she cultivated over our marriage, choosing bitterness over any positivity for four years, poisoning my well-being in the process.
What I envisioned to be the most compassionate moment of my life — marrying a person with cancer and promising to support and love them — has become nothing but a symbol of pain and remorse. I envisioned a life where my partner and I would fight against the terror of cancer; instead she hopped to the other side, choosing her ongoing health issues as the ally and myself as the enemy.
It took me 4 years to realize it. And as she drags me through court to leverage every dollar out of me I can, my only regret is that I didn’t leave my abuser to her own devices sooner; self-pity, hatefulness, and a sheer disregard toward taking responsibility for anything.
I am grateful but drowning. As we are negotiating settlement, the end is near, and my abuser will soon be unable to execute any influence in my life.

Hi. My uncles are wanting to be bought out of our family cabin after my grandma passed earlier this year. My sister and I are looking into loans to buy one out and my dad would get the other one. Would that be a personal loan or a different type? What are the average interest rates if that's what it would be? It would probably be around 20-25k. My husband and i have pretty good credit. In the mid to high 700s if that matters any.

Hello! my_qualifications: I'm a btech ECE 23 Grad and my end goal is to settle abroad i am currently preparing for GATE 25 and I'm hoping to get admission in a good college like IITs etc etc so is there any way to move abroad after that ?
PS: i wanna keep my expenses to the lowest NO LOANS I belong to a middle class family

Thinking of the business effectiveness and social cohesion of planned religious communities like the Shakers, I wonder whether anyone in the US Northeast at least has set up an on-site community where the entrepreneurially-minded can learn about startup skills as on-site or commuter interns or apprentices, help the more experienced with progressively more complex tasks, and gain the technical expertise and insight to create their own businesses, and get help from others to make them viable.
Formal "education" in the US seems broken and irrelevant, and I can see that if the US wants to roll back labor laws so that children in their early teens can get injured working in meat-packing plants in Tennessee, why not have people of junior high school age and older learn more useful, safer and remunerative skills, and possibly get paid more for it as well? Peter Thiel may have a good idea in paying people of 18 to develop a business instead of going to college, but why not help people skip additional years of academic irrelevance and get them started on their professional lives several years earlier?
I emphasize that there would be no age limit for this kind of learning: college dropouts, salaried job transiters and retirees could also attend, although there would probably be enrollment size limits. I see modern micro-schools funded and organized by parents as a viable template for this kind of organization, especially if people weren't living on-site. I would also recommend that if for-profit, the startup labs/communes etc. would not be expensive for new attendees; I would not make all or most of these organizations techno-hives exclusively for the children of the wealthy, children who often might as well learn about business by working with their families.
If places like this where several startups or the skills needed for them are being built exist, I'd like to know about them. If not, I hope that those with more money and influence than I have create them.

Low budget version —high budget version coming soon.
Everyone wants to know the magic formula for becoming rich. Becoming wealthy is simple, yet it’s not easy.
Most people will have everything they need to become a millionaire but will never become one, not because they’re incompetent or lazy but simply because they’re uneducated.
When you have no knowledge about a system, you tend to either: mistrust it; avoid it; use it incorrectly; or, use it correctly and unwisely. Until you’ve developed the adequate knowledge needed to succeed in any system you will never be a wise agent within that system.
But, let’s get to it. How do I get rich man? I want that chedda*, the cheese, the chips! What’s the secret formula, Krabs?!
There is no secret formula.
The simple answer —however— is homeownership.
For many Americans the quickest and simplest path to becoming rich is through owning their home and the property their home sits on.

How does it work?

The process starts with: you and your family, you and your friends, or if your solo, just you; deciding you want to purchase a new cribbo. Your next spizznot, snoop dogg voice.
You go through some back and forth decisioning and reasoning about whether the move is for you — we’ll just assume you’re moving forward with homeownership.
Now, it’s time to begin assessing your budget. “What can I afford? hmm.”
You begin looking into your finances, realizing you make {x} dollars a year, working {y} hours and your spouse brings in {z}; or your {z} is your friends or if you’re solo, y’know you stop at {y} like a sane person but if you’re planning to get married or live with your significant other, you can go up to {y} — you have our permission.
You then pick a home within your budget, then move in. Boom rich! Just kidding, it’s not quite that simple. So…

How does it really work?

The first step towards building wealth in America is by owning your home; It’s something the government is quite aware of so they attempt to make homeownership as easy as possible for first-time homeowners (we’ll cover the first time homebuyer deets in a different post).
To start your journey into homeownership you’ll need to obtain some form of income. Not just any income. So, what kind of income?
Well, practically any income!
You’ll need an income that isolates your mortgage to a little under 30% of your total income. So, if you’re making $2500 monthly, you want your mortgage, HOA, taxes and insurances fees to be under $750 monthly. With a $30k yearly salary your home may be a fixer upper or a diamond in the rough but it’s a start.
That gives you enough wiggle room to afford a $115,000 home, with a $5,000 down payment at a 4.265% interest rate. There are programs that allow you afford more for less and grants but for now, we’ll keep it simple.
So, to get started; make at least $2500 a month and have about $5k to put down! There’s even loans that allow $0 down… so, really… all you need is a source of income that qualifies — preferably a reliable source; people may think you’re a phony if your projected income changes due to some business hiccups.
The best way to think about the price tag? That’ll be your new minimum net worth, once the home is paid off! The reason we say minimum is because homes tend to appreciate! In some instances that’s roughly about 5% per year but if you’re lucky and you find a diamond in the rough, in a growing neighborhood you could double or triple that value, plus your 5*% appreciation.
If you have a home loan for $115k and your home is now worth $300k because you were lucky enough to pick the right neighborhood; you have 190k in equity (remember your 5k down payment toward your principal); home improvements will increase the value of your home thus, improving your equity; and paying towards your balance will increase your home equity.
If you’re lucky enough, before 30 years your home is worth $325k. We’ll let you figure out the rest.
Even if your home only increased to 175k in value, that’s an extra 60k that’s now yours.
If you paid off the house, you’ll always have at least $175-$325k.
Now you’re rich and all you needed to do was own your home.
This is oversimplified, we know. But, it was typed on a phone and this app sucks for writing essays.

First of all, I would like to say THANK YOU to all of you that showed so much love to my first post ever in Reddit!
Since my girl Millie got too much hate for wearing white and ruining the best photo of the wedding, I decided to write her sad story and share it with all of you. It's a LONG tale, full of ups and mostly downs (TLDR at the end of the post). Sooo, grab some cookies and popcorn while I spill the tea ;)
******WARNING******** The story features what I believe to be unsettling content (pregnancy loss) for some. It's hidden as spoiler, so please don't click it if it's a sensitive issue for you. <3
Our story starts with poor young adult who shall not be named (because I don't remember her name). God (me) had big plans and challenges for her, as she started with 0 simoleons in an off the grid island, with hopes of her becoming a millionaire. She moved in the big island without money, a place to sleep, a toilet, nothing. The challenge goes like this: raise money from beachcombing, buy a towel to sleep on, buy a bush to pee in, snorkel, plant and build a life from zero. And, under no circumstances communicate with another sim.
This challenge was too difficult. The loneliness and hardships, the struggle to just survive and find food, led this young girl to her death by drowning in the middle of the ocean. It was too soon, so God decided to try this challenge again, giving the new sim a head start.
That leads us to the protagonist of the story, Millie Carson.
Millie Carson is a young adult who moved in the same island, like a castaway. All she found on that island was a towel, some planted trees, a toilet bush and a grave.
The ghost from the grave came often to haunt and tease her and finally became her enemy.
At first, young Millie tried to stay away from other sims but, since they kept coming and visiting, God decided that it was ok for her to have some friends.
Millie's neighbors were Miki and Ali, a happy couple with two babies. They kept visiting and bringing food to their poor young neighbor, since she was struggling so much. Millie grew close with Ali, who came swimming to her island sometimes.
Meanwhile, Millie learned some skills that earned her some money and food. She became really good at fitness, gardening and fishing. Little by little, she earned enough money to buy diving supplies and took up some diving photography and treasure hunting. All those helped her build a tiny wood home which finally had a toilet and a shower and even a fridge. Life was getting better for Millie, until she started having feelings for her married neighbor...
Millie was attracted to Ali: his long blond hair, his green eyes and dark skin. To her surprise, Ali was interested in her as well. She tried to fight it but it was over her own power to resist. They made sweet woohoo and became a couple, while he was still married with two kids.
Love makes you do stupid things and that's what happened to Millie. She fell in love with a married man and, surprise surprise, she got pregnant with his kid.
While on her 1st trimester, she visited her neighbolover's home to tell him the news. His wife, Miki, opened the door and the sight was unbelievable: She was pregnant as well, on her 3rd trimester. Millie chatted with Miki as nothing was wrong and even socialized with her kids for a bit. But it was now time for Ali to learn the truth. Millie pulled him aside and told him everything.
To her surprise, Ali was content with being a parent to their child. Millie felt his support and fell even harder for him, causing her to do the unthinkable: Woohoo with him all over his tiny house while his wife and two kids were inside! They woohood EVERYWHERE: The small single bed, the kitchen sink, the counters, standing... They almost got caught by Miki, but hopefully she was so pregnant that it took her an eternity to reach the woohoo spot.
Millie started thinking about their future. Tormented by her jealousy, she asked Ali about Miki. Miki's super pregnant belly was an indicator that Ali still loves and woohoos with his wife, two-timing both women. To her dismay, Ali confessed his love about Miki, but he was willing to keep his relationship with Millie. But that wasn't enough for Millie...
Without hesitation, Millie served Ali an ultimatum: It's her or Miki. No love triangles, no hiding. Her kid needed a father and she needed support as a poor young woman. All those pregnancy hormones made her unreasonable - she came between a happy couple and now she felt that her lover's wife stole him from her, even though they were already together! The irony!
Millie couldn't get over her feelings, so she invited Miki over and told her EVERYTHING. That she was pregnant. That the father was poor Miki's husband. Miki got even yelled at for sleeping with her own husband. Millie was out of control.
Like a tsunami, a force that couldn't be stopped, Millie called over Ali and told him to break it off with his wife. It was now or never. Ali did as told and suddenly Miki broke down crying, hating life and those two who ruined it.
Eventually, Miki left and the.. happy couple were finally alone. Millie asked Ali to move in and he gladly accepted. He even proposed and they stayed engaged until after their baby girl, Angelique, was born.
Meanwhile, even though Miki was hating them, she still came over with extra food like a good neighbor. But her relations with the couple never improved much.
The happy couple decided to get married. Millie wore a pretty but simple boho white dress, hair down and golden jewelry. But her joyful smile was the prettiest jewel she could wear. It was a lovely, quiet wedding on the seashore, during sunset.
Soon after, Millie got pregnant again but wasn't ready or happy for it. Unfortunately, there were some complications with the pregnancy and baby Donovan was born dead. They buried him under a lemon tree and cried for many seasons about him.
Ali started helping Millie with gardening, fishing and diving. But his dream was to finally earn his degree in Communications. He still had 3 classes to pass and then he could enter the PR world. He soon earned his degree with a low to medium score and was ready to start working. There was a huge problem, though...
The island was off the grid and he could not apply for the job, not use the very much needed internet. A decision had to be made: Should they live on this island forever, living off the land, or they should move somewhere else and follow Millie's dream to become millionaires?
The choice was easy. The couple moved to Finchwick, in a big cottage house with a big garden, front and back. They brought with them the plants they had gardened with so much love and also bought some chickens. Life was good for a while, baby Angelique was growing but woohoo life was... fine.
Ali found a job in PR and had to work all day, even from home. He had to polish his charisma and writing skills and meet new people. So, that made Millie a stay at home mom, a gardener, a housekeeper. But there was no time for her lifestyle needs: outdoor living and working out. She became frustrated and was always in a bad and uncomfortable mood. She had gained a lot of weight from her pregnancy, she hardly recognized herself in the mirror...All this bad mood made her cranky. Everytime Ali tried to woohoo with her, she had no drive. So, their love life went down the drain...
Meanwhile, Ali was doing great at work, earning at least 2000 simoleons per day. He had met many people, and one of them became a really good friend of his. His name was Gabriel and he was thin, with black short hair, dark skin and modern makeup.
Ali was tormented by his feelings when he hang out with Gabriel. He couldn't understand how a man can be attracted to another guy like that. He was open to the idea, but had never acted upon it. It wasn't the looks - Gabriel was pretty basic. But there was something about the both of them that made him feel... amazing. The attention he got from Gabriel, the friendship.. It was like they knew each other from another lifetime.
Every time Gabriel came over, Ali got excited. He was interested in his words and inner world, not only his appearance. One night, he couldn't take it anymore. While they were talking the backyard table, Ali started flirting with Gabriel. Things got heated fast and they shared the most beautiful first kiss. That was exactly what he always wanted to feel, but was missing from his other relationships. He proposed to have woohoo in the home office, while Millie and Angelique were sleeping unaware upstairs...
They woohood hard and many times. It was a total WoohooFest. Morning came and Ali, having not slept at all, got ready to go to work. He didn't forget to kiss his wife goodbye, but he spent the entire day thinking about Gabriel. By night, he had decided to ask Gabriel to become his boyfriend.
Millie on the other side, was getting better. She bought a walking machine and she often went swimming in the river. Her woohoo drive was coming back strong and that meant more time with her beloved husband. They started woohooing more often, but Ali was also missing Gabriel...
God suddenly had an idea! Ali should ask Millie to have expanded woohoo with someone else, and that someone else couldn't be other than (yes, you guessed it) Gabriel. Ali went on and asked his wife and God told her that yes, it would be fun! So, unaware of God and her husband's plans, she happily accepted to engage in multiple sim woohoo...
Ali was so excited! He couldn't believe his ears! He immediately called over Gabriel and explained the situation. Gabriel accepted as well and it was time for Gabriel to meet with Millie. Millie tried to get to know him but for some reason he was distant. She tried to flirt with him but he didn't reciprocate. Millie got embarrassed and locked herself in her room for some time, to recollect herself. It shouldn't be so hard, right?
At the same time, Ali made his move on Gabriel and they woohood. Gabriel was more than excited to get together with Ali. So, why not Millie?
After Millie got over her embarrassment, she came out the room. Ali proposed having multiple woohoo and they did it. Everyone had a pleasant time.
After that, they got together two more times. But, the last time, at Gabriel's house, was the final blow.
Millie kept trying to flirt alone with Gabriel, not getting the message but, DUDE. He was NOT into her. It was heartbreaking. She tried so hard for her husband, her self esteem and again, she was turned down. A second choice. She didn't deserve it. And then, she though about it. The flirt between Ali and Gabriel. How they would have woohoo, the three of them, but Gabriel was rejecting her. It was time for answers...
Millie first told Ali to end the expanded woohoo agreement. It was too much for her. He wasn't happy about it, but he agreed. And then, she asked the million dollar question: "What's going on between you two?". Ali tried to hide it, told her they were only friends. But God was starting to feel bad about poor Millie, so had her ask again: "WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO?"
The answer was like a knife, going through her heart. Ali loved Gabriel and that's all she needed to know. Their woohoo life was non existent before and now had found someone who made him feel better, more... alive! That's all Millie needed to know. She went over to Gabriel and try to make a last, desperate woohoo pass at him. Once more, he rejected her. It was all so clear. She was the third wheel.
Her ego and her heart were stomped on the ground, like a cockroach. A beautiful, kind, hard working sim shouldn't go through all that. She headed back home, to the privacy of her bedroom and cried her eyeballs out. Ali didn't come home that night and went straight to work.
The next day, Millie invited Gabriel over. Oooh no, she wouldn't let him have Ali so easily. She would humiliate him first. He came over and she started yelling at him. Her face was red and hot, she was fueled by rage. She ending up giving him the beating of his life. When Ali came home from work, both his lovers were black and blue from fighting.
Baby Angelique started crying. She had woken up. Millie rushed upstairs to help her toddler with her needs, but Ali and Gabriel stayed downstairs. Ali tried to comfort Gabriel, asking him to stay. He didn't care about his marriage anymore. God led them to the hall upstairs, outside the bedrooms. They started woohooing again, right there, like animals!
Poor Millie, as she opened her daughter's bedroom's door, she caught her cheater husband in the act! THE AUDACITY!!! And if it that wasn't enough, when she went over to slap him, he acted like she wasn't there and went to woohoo in the shower with his boyfriend - AGAIN! WTH!!!
At this point, Millie knew it was time to give Ali the boot and kick him the hell out of their home, and so she did. After Ali's lover left, the married couple had a long, heated conversation that only had one outcome - Ali had to move out immediately.
So, he left and rented a one-bedroom apartment in the city. He also decided to ask Gabriel to live with him, and Gabriel happily accepted. A new chapter started for Ali but unresolved things were left in the middle with his wife that needed to be dealt with.
While all these took place, Millie had gotten close with celebrity Rahul Chopra. They became good friends and she was invited to his wedding. It was a one of a kind event because Rahul had a shotgun wedding with his wife when they were teenagers due to unwanted pregnancy. After many kids later, Rahul's eldest daughter, with the villainous valentine aspiration (long story) decided to break her eternally faithful parents up for fun. So they did break up, but they were so made for each other, like puzzle pieces, that it was impossible to not end up together again.
Rahul fell back in love with his wife and they decided to do it right this time. They planned the perfect wedding event in San Myshuno's park, during sunset. The whole family was there and their 2nd child, Philip (YA) would take the professional pictures of the wedding.
The ceremony started, everyone (almost) was seated and the photographer (and me) were preoccupied with taking the happy couples pictures. As the ceremony ended, the couple was ready to share their first kiss as husband and wife. The air was filled with confetti that floated playfully around them, the fireworks were set off behing them and the sun was showering them with the warmest rays. It was a one time opportunity to get the perfect picture. Philip got ready to press click. And then, she appeared.
Millie, clearly bothered and heartbroken by other people's love, made a run for the exit and ruined Philip's perfect photograph. The angry look on her face would forever haunt Philip's mind. Why would that woman ruin this happy moment and why the hell would she wear white at someone's wedding? I mean, you wouldn't mistake her for the bride, who wore an expensive wedding gown, but still... Something was wrong with this girl and Philip had to find out...
After the wedding, Millie went back home. The days passed and the divorce was not finalized. She asked her kid who she wanted to stay with, but without reply. She called Ali over, but he texted back he didn't want to come over. Millie had her -now child- daughter call over her dad. This time, Ali responded positively and soon after he arrived. Millie took him straight to the lawyers to see who will get custody of Angelique.
This time, God had no plans, God left it all to luck. So, unfortunately, Ali won custody of Angelique, who immediately went to live with him. Now, Millie was alone. Only her and her money and her baby son's grave in the front yard. Now she was angry, NOW HE WOULD PAY.
Millie grabbed Ali and went once again to the lawyers. It was now time to split the estate. At least 100k simoleons in the bank, plus whatever the house is worth. Millie wants to get everything, but once again, God won't interfere. She comes back home, head down, beaten - she lost 80k.
She turns to her new friend, Philip. He is basic, but he's a good guy. He lives alone in an apartment in San Myshuno, studies Fine Arts in university, comes from a good family. He also has a girlfriend that lives across the hall from him, but Millie doesn't know. And God tells her to come onto him. Now Philip has two girlfriends and God must interfere.
God and luck are playing games with Millie's life.
As I'm writing her story, there's only one thing I feel: Sad.
This girl started out with hopes and dreams. So I think that we should forgive her for attending a friend's wedding wearing white. Some God forgot to change her formal outfit and it was all she had to wear. She's going through a lot!
Her story ends for now, but if you guys like it I might write more about her life's adventures.
Also, what should she do with Philip? Let me know in the comments!
If you read this whole essay / story , you are amazing! And thanks! Hope you liked it! :)
TLDR: YA woman starts with 0 money in off the grid island. Wants to earn a million. Gets pregnant by married neighbor with kids. Marries him and they buy new home. They get pregnant second time, lose the baby.He gets a good job, meets new people, gets new guy friend, has woohoo with that friend. The 3 of them have expanded woohoo. Woman breaks it off. Woman confronts husband about loving other man, he confesses he loves him. Woman kicks him out and he lives alone in flat. The other guy moves in with him. Woman heartbroken, goes to friends wedding wearing white, is angry at happy couple's love, ruins the married couple kiss photo. Photo becomes famous on Reddit. Woman loses custody of only child. Woman loses 80k simoleons after splitting estate. Woman becomes girlfriend of the photographer from the friend's wedding. Photographer already has another girlfriend.
*****EDIT*********** I can't believe I forgot to write this, but Millie also drowned in the ocean while being fatigued from diving for treasures. I decided to not save and give her a second chance. Her life is dramatic, UUUUUUGH!!!!

I've been invited to my first ever wedding. Dress code is cocktail/formal and I really have no idea what that means. Wedding is at a golf course in late August at 4pm. I am 5'9 and very curvy (plus size).
I have been looking at every site I can imagine, but am finding nothing I am in love with. Ideally I would love to find a dress that I could wear flats or a very short heel with, as my boyfriend is the same height as me, and is self conscious of his height when I'm in a heel that makes me taller than him (this does not bother me at all, but it's his family and want to support him as best I can)
Where can I look for a plus size dress that would meet the dress code, and would be appropriate for a summer outdoor wedding?
Thank you in advance for your help!!

After years of paying off student loans we are wanting to start traveling. We want to get a travel card for travel insurance, perks, and miles. Even if it's not a total win dollar for dollar, we like the incentive to travel more.
I'm pretty sure we want to do the Delta SkyMiles platinum card. My spouse travels a lot for work and gets miles that way.
We're trying to decide if he should be the account holder, or if I should.
Reasons I should: * I manage all the money and will be the one actually setting up with and dealing with the account. I plan the trips, it seems logistically easier. * I don't travel for work or at all outside of our family, so the spending would give me miles. Since he travels for work, he can get miles that way. * It's unclear to me if miles under his account can be easily used to buy tickets for me. I've read conflicting information.
Reasons he should: * He travels more. * We will likely be over the 75k spend for lounge access, so he would be able to have lounge access included. He doesn't care very much about that, but still.
I've never had a miles Card before, what am I missing?

This is based off a post I saw somewhere else, and I thought it could make an interesting mental exercise where you'd have to think about what's the most important to you and how your goals would change based on the amount of time you had.
For the sake of this game, you'll know with 100% certainty that you'll be dead after your time allowance is up. There's no "but what if I only think I'll be dead in six months but then I'm not and I fucked up my entire life?" When your time is up, it's up. You'll be dead and won't have to live with the consequences of your actions.
So just for fun (and growth, maybe?) here's mine:
If I had 24 hours to live: Realistically, I'd know I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything of substance, so I'd just focus on pure pleasure. I'd go out and do something fun, maybe go to the nearby theme park in the city I haven't been to in a while or an expensive night club and wear my favorite outfit. I'd eat and drink whatever I wanted, and however much of it I wanted. When I got back home I'd take something to keep me as calm as possible and call/text the people I care about who live far away to let them know I care about them. I'd spend my last hours in bed watching a comfort movie.
If I had a week: I'd go on a road trip with my entire family to somewhere I always wanted to go to, maybe LA or somewhere similar, and spend the rest of my days there. Probably my actions would be pretty similar to the above, I'd just have slightly more time to do bigger things and say goodbye to people in person.
If I had a month: I'd quit my job for sure (for the top two, idk if I'd even bother to formally quit, I'd just stop showing up) and again, probably act fairly similar to above. I might try going to another country like Italy or Japan to see what it was like and try their food, but I don't think I'd want to die there. I'd also try and maybe finish something creative before my death, even if it was just a short story or a few poems.
If I had six months: 100% quitting my job and putting all my energy into finishing my long term writing project and having fun. I'd use my savings and hire a cleaner to come in once a month to take care of boring everyday tasks so I have as few distractions as possible.
If I had a year: Same as above really, but I might also try and experience a brief romance before the end. Probably wouldn't be able to truly fall in love but hopefully I'd at least meet someone cool.
If I had five years: I wouldn't quit my job, but I also try and find something better and something that would be fairly undemanding. I wouldn't be making any big career or life plans, but I would try to write something and get it professionally published before I died. I'd want to leave having made my mark on the world in some significant way.
If I had ten years: I'd probably quit my job ASAP to go back to school, while trying to find a relationship and work on my creative projects when I had free time or after I was done. IMO ten years would be super hard for me because it's long enough to where I'd definitely want to build a life but short enough to where I'd really have to haul ass if I wanted to make that life come to fruition.
If I had twenty years: Honestly, I'd probably be doing exactly what I'm doing now just with even more anxiety lol.
So yeah, feel free to add yours!

First of all, I’d like to preface this story with a piece I wrote in my journal 2 months ago while still in my relationship.
Here it is:
I’m almost 30M, and wonder how you would deal with this situation?
Backstory: I didn’t have my first girlfriend or even sex until age 20. I was very sheltered when I was younger and shy. I also moved several times so never got the chance to meet girls from social circles. I had almost a 2 year long distance relationship from age 20-22 (seeing each other in person only a few times a year). Well that didn’t work out and it devastated me. I did truly love that girl and she was also my first so it took 3 years to get over.
In that time following the relationship, I slept with more than 10 people, gained experience, and eventually found another girlfriend in person at age 25. That ended at age 26, but was off and on until age 27. It ended for good reason, because it was a tumultuous relationship with a lot of fun, but also arguments. She was super attractive which made it hard to let her go even though I knew it had to be done.
Following that relationship, I yet again worked on myself, dated and slept around, and eventually met my current girlfriend midway through age 28. It was one of those situations where you start out just hanging out and eventually see each other every week… then the question of “what are we happens”… I went along with it even though my eyes were still peeled.
Well now, I’m almost 30, a few months away and I’m scared. A part of me feels like I missed a part of my youth and I’ll never find that stunner I’ve always looked for. Being sheltered all my life and not meeting anyone via social circle messes with me emotionally. I’ve dated beautiful woman, but it’s not like I can change time and go back to 25 again and date around 20 year olds… right?
I also moved to a completely different state and started a new life 2 years ago. But every day I think about my last relationship and the life I used to live in that state. “The good old days” I like to say. I have a new life now and good situation, but a part of me feels lost.
That’s what I wrote back in March. I knew I had a good situation, a very stable relationship and job, but I almost felt like I was still unfulfilled. Mostly because I never really experienced the kind of girls that truly interest me I guess? I hate to sound superficial, but if you read below it will make further sense. It wasn’t all about looks. While she was nice and sweet, she was rather boring and didn’t banter with me.
So fast forward the story to today, my recent ex broke up with me a few weeks ago. We had been dating about a year and a half.
I met her about a year and a half after that toxic relationship to a really manipulative, yet attractive girl I talked about above. This new relationship was the complete opposite, almost to the point of being cringey. She was really loving but it was almost overwhelming. She also was not as atractive as my last gf in terms of looks. Not unattractive by any means, but I certainly didn’t feel super proud walking around with her or introducing her to people. For much of the early part of meeting this new girl, I did still constantly think of the toxic ex and compare, but I was ready for something new and thought I was so far removed from the last relationship - I went along with it.
Anyway, Eventually she asked if I would be her bf at about the 3 month point after meeting. At first I was apprehensive of the idea because I wasn’t sure about committing and if I wanted to keep “searching.” I got to the point that I was done with hunting as I had tried tirelessly to find someone for over a year. She was a great girl but I wasn’t sold on a full on relationship. Instead of being excited to be official like I was in past relationships, with her I was hoping for more a fwb situation like it was the first 3 months. But I decided to go along with it. I told her I still wanted to be able to approach or work on social skills with other girls even if just plutonicly. I didn’t do that and did commit. Fast forward another several months and the I love you statement came up. I wasn’t entirely sure about how I felt but I again went along with it, even though I didn’t actually feel it at at the time.
This gf was a very loving, loyal, committed gf, and did anything for me. Unfortunately I didn’t really find her incredibly magnetizing. She was cute, but not crazy attractive in my eye. Like I mentioned above, I didn’t feel that proud feeling when going out.
I found that taking pictures with her also made me unsure. The first couple weeks of hanging out we never took pics. And then I took a picture with her and looked at it and was repulsed. When she would send me pictures of her with with her family, I didn’t like what she sent. Maybe she’s just not photogenic and actually good in person, but whenever she would send me a photo or FaceTime me I’d get turned off.
Also, the fact that she was so wholesome, it didn’t allow for much banter. Conversations were mostly plutonic, where I’m more of the sarcastic type.
She always wanted to pull out the calendar and schedule plans months in advance every week, even after telling her I prefered being spontaneous. She did all of these crazy google calendar overlays and I felt like I was always being sucked into things I didn’t want to do. She became more clingy than I had realized when I first met her. She asked me about 3 months ago, if we could spend not just weekends together, but also Wednesday nights. (We lived just over an hour apart). I suggested it could be every other week (the opposite)…I didn’t like going to her place because of the road noise where she lived and I would really only see her when she would visit me. I know, all of this sounds really one sided and like I’m an asshole. But I was very loving to her in person and she knows that, hence why it lasted so long.
Unfortunately a lot of things she did turned me off. She was too readily available, always trying to lock up my calendar, talk about marriage and kids in the next 3-5 years and I felt trapped. I was unsure.
We had great sex but it wasn’t crazy passionate, neither was our kissing. When alone, and was feeling aroused, I generally didn’t think of my ex. I constantly found myself checking out other girls places I went (but never talked to them). I felt like wow I wish that was the kind of girl I was with.
It wasn’t all bad though. The sex was phenomenal in terms of the movements. She made $100k plus which is phenomenal for someone at 24, but also had over $100k in student loans. With her wanting to get married within 5 years, I considered those loans as a big issue. She was super loving and would have been a great mother.
In the end she left me. She said we weren’t compatible. I have been a wreck and now I’m wishing I had her. Maybe not for the right reasons though?
I’m trying to figure out why if I wanted to end things myself and that I felt trapped for so long, how come all of a sudden I want her back? Is it just the void of not having someone loyal who’s there for me? The loss of a potential good wife and mother? Who can make plans and bake me things? The fear of not meeting someone as smart? She’s already talking to other guys and I’m just a wreck and need some advice. I can’t go an hour without thinking of her. I think I need to rewire the way I am thinking. I can’t stop thinking that maybe I made a mistake and should have put in more effort, but I feel like if I truly loved/had that spark for her I would have tried more all along. I would have been excited to make plans with her instead of going a week at a time seeing her. Now all I want to do is see her. Should I have stayed in it and worked harder? Are my standards too high? I feel like my first ex and my recent one were so polar opposite. One had the looks and I thought of her when thinking of sex but was toxic and the other was sweet but not as attractive. It even got to the point that to feel emotion, I had to finish inside her. Which did help.
At the time of the breakup, I tried very hard to tell her how I was looking forward to making a fun summer filled with plans together. Just 2 weeks prior she was about it. Now nothing. It’s been total silence on the other end for weeks. I know she loved me more than any guy.
Do you think this was a good thing this happened? How do I rewrire my brain? She was my only friend. This was a relationship that I went into going through the motions, and even a couple weeks before we broke up I wrote that journal entry / question that I shared above. What is going on?