Happy birthday deceased sister

I’m getting married in Sept and I have come to the conclusion I don’t want a bachelorette. Originally, I was thinking to do a spa day. My future MIL (who is very helpful and kind) had expressed to my MOH (sister 10 years older than myself) wanting to include her sisters and nieces (my fiancées aunts and cousins who I know fairly well) to come to the bach as well. My MOH has been asking me about guest list, dates I’m avail, etc about the the bachelorette but nothing set in stone yet. I’ve just started a new job and am stressed with that as well as already telling my new managers I need numerous days off for the multiple weddings I’m attending this summer as well as my own & honeymoon in sept. I’m also introverted and do not like being the center of attention, especially when alcohol is involved. I’ve come to the conclusion I do NOT want a bachelorette. I’d rather do small things with the people I love separately. To me, i wouldn’t be able to ‘let loose’ and fully enjoy what a bachelorette would be in a big group setting with my fiancées family, my two local friends, maybe my friends from out of state, and my immediate & extended family. I felt like this would get too out of control. I also feel like since I am having a bridal shower, that should serve the purpose of celebrating with family. I have my out of state friends coming for the bridal shower and was thinking of spending time with them after to break up their travel and spend time with them.
Upon telling my MOH this, she was very offended and upset that she was not able to celebrate with me and I believe took the idea of me spending time with my out of state friends after the shower as me planning my own bachelorette. The time I’m thinking of spending with out of state friends (that hasn’t been solidified yet) would basically be a big sleepover with some friends I haven’t seen for years. Having that be perceived as a planned bachelorette was not my intention and after explanation of my thought process, there’s still animosity. I truly think the whole situation was blown out of proportion and more communication is needed. However, I feel like I’m being punished for not conforming to peoples perceptions & to suck it up to make other people happy. Which I can do, but I’m also feeling strongly about this in particular since this is all surrounded regarding MY wedding and that it should be about my wishes. However, I don’t want to be a bridezilla. Am I in the wrong here? I’m just struggling with the hurtful words being exchanged regarding my idea of not wanting a bachelorette.

i F16 am the youngest of my family and currently the last one in high school. i feel that my parents favor my older sibling over me and i have many reasons to believe so. my older sister and brother both were given brand new at the time 2020 flat-screen tvs while i was a tv that was made in the early 2000s. they bought my sibling gifts and expensive shoes while I've had to buy my clothes and shoes with my birthday and Christmas money and that is the only time i get money and it my relatives that send me money my parents have never given me a single dime unless they had too. everything in my room are hand-me-downs from my siblings nothing new and nothing lasts. my parents don't remember my age, birthday, or month i was born in, nor how to spell the name they chose for me. im also currently typing this on a used pc that I've had for 7 years and is the only access i have to my friends and the internet they wont buy me a phone not even one for emergencies and i bought this pc with my own money i saved. my father used to be sexually abusive to me when i started growing into my body and he acts as if it never happened and leaving me with horrible trauma and the fear of men. my mother is neglective i only remember her showing up two times for any school related thing and she only stayed long enough to watch me for only one of the two. i dont remember having a childhood not even a happy one yes i do love my sibling dearly and they have done no wrong to me nor even tried to but my parents whenever i try to talk to them about something important for me argue and say that im too young for it and the real world will eat me alive. i don't feel love for my parents mostly my father i don't love him at all but im not sure about my mom im not sure about her. my life before i turned 16 was horrible i was even planning to run away to a different state after my 16th birthday it was that bad it was also to the point where i was thinking about ending my life even though i had never come to that conclusion before. i feel like im a failure, not even worth anything i feel empty and all ive been able to do these past days was cry. im getting back to the point of rethinking about ending it all again its hard and i hate just having to bear everything alone the only people i can tell are strangers who ill never know. im scared and all i can do is cry and cry and cry. i feel all alone in this world like everything i do is worthless. i hate myself i wish i could tell my friends and have everything be ok for once. i want to be free with no one making the decisions for me i just want to breathe air that isn't filled with contempt for myself i just want to breathe and feel human as if im finally living for once in my life just being alive and nothing else. i hate being where i am i hate the noises of the fans in the ceilings i hate the birds chirping in the morning i hate waking up to find no food left for me i hate waking up and finding myself alone. nothing to call people to one to reach nothing to do but wait and cry. i hate being alone but its all i wish for in this house its the only time i can breathe just breathe. i know i wont do harm to myself as i hate even the smallest amounts of pain or even the thought of doing anything to myself so dont worry about that im trying to better myself even though its barely helping. i just need a way out of this family somewhere that's not here anywhere but "home".

I guess I'll start off by giving backstory. I am a (18F) in a relationship with my boyfriend(18M). We originally met back in February on a dating app, and we are long distance (of an hour away from each other), and our relationship is a secret from my dad (strict parent). My mom is aware of the relationship however because she is concerned for me getting found out, she limits my hangouts with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I try to see each other every week, sometimes every other week.
I just want to make it clear: from the beginning of our relationship I have been the one to mess things up. Or that is how (him and me) mostly see it. I think I've come to realize it's because I have a lot of mental immaturity. From what I recall, one of the first arguments we had was my inability to communicate properly with my boyfriend. Such as: texting him small updates or, checking things he would send me on social media and not reply to his iMessage back. Very minor communication. The others were a bit more extreme. One of the more extreme ones stemmed from the whole strict parent thing. See, originally my boyfriend asked me out the first month in which we met. However, I turned him down because although I wanted to say yes, I didn't want to lie about the status of my relationship to my parents. Eventually, I wanted the two of us to become official after a few months of us talking, so I can then introduce him as my boyfriend to my parents. This created a big issue between us, in which he started developing a sense of not having security in the relationship. This would be the cause of many arguments. I think my fault in this was instead of reassuring him and making him feel heard; I would apologize over and over again trying to offer solutions. On his birthday I wrote him a long love letter and I told him I wanted to make things official, the truth is I felt pressured because a week before his birthday we had the same reoccurring argument. We've had a lot of arguments piling since then, many of them having to with me such as: making conversations about his feelings about myself, in which then he feels pressured to comfort me. Our most recent argument was completely my mistake and I recognize this.
About three weeks ago, one of my friends was preforming at my former highschool. It was going to be a concert like event in which students and their rock bands would preform. So I invited my Best Friend (18M) and my Boyfriend. (To clarify, my best friend has been my friend for 7 years and he is gay, this doesn't have to do with my best friend being a man; my boyfriend himself is comfortable with our relationship.) I had not seen my boyfriend for a week or so prior to this event and so I would constantly tell him about how I miss him and how I was looking forward to see him, hence why I invited him. Before the event started, the three of us (me, Boyfriend, and Best friend) decided to go to a cafe to get a drink since it was a 5min walk from my former highschool (where the event was being held). I thought I was giving him attention by being affectionate in holding his hand, trying to include him in conversation, and clinging to his arm would be enough: showing my boyfriend that I missed him. However, when we walked back from the cafe to line up outside the event, I noticed he was going quiet and even got out of line to sit down at a nearby bench. When we entered the event, us three sat down and my Boyfriend put his head down immediately. I knew from that, that this wasn't his vibe. After the first two songs, he got up and left (with letting me know) and went back to his car. I asked him if he was okay, and he just told me he wanted to lay down. The event was three hours, I stayed for the first hour almost two, before receiving a text from my boyfriend. In which he said "should I just leave", so I left the event and went to his car to talk to him. He told me that he felt unappreciated especially because I said I had missed him so much, that I didn't even say "thank you baby for driving an hour to be here". We ended up talking this out and we went to dinner after. The reason why I am bringing this up is because my best friend was actually quite annoyed at this. This week, me and my best friend went out to Koreatown which we were talking about my boyfriend. My best friend brought up his behavior from the event, and demonstrated the way my boyfriend had his head down expressing how annoyed it made him feel that I left early, and even missed some of my friend performance which was the reason why I went. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my boyfriend. He got extremely upset, and took my best friend as mocking him and disrespecting him, he got mad at me for not defending him. This was a very big argument. My boyfriend has expressed and even shown throughout the arguements we've had, that he is losing his patience and feels as though I am abusing him ;"Let me continue to beat you mentally and ask for forgiveness with no promise of a promising future for myself in change (he told me this)". Lately, although I should have been doing this from the beginning have been trying to put my best foot forward in changing attitude, I've been trying to be more supportive and not making conversations about myself, in making sure that he knows that I understand him, however I keep messing up and its very frustrating to me.
I've talked to my therapist and my own mom about my problems, because I really want to stay with my boyfriend and I really want to change. My last relationship I was sexually and verbally abused, and although me and my boyfriend have a lot of problems he really is the best and the first person I have seen a future with. I sometimes struggle with the trauma from my last relationship, which is why sometimes I get scared of expressing myself (my ex would call me stupid or a manipulator when I expressed myself so I get scared of retaliation). My boyfriend gets sometimes frustrated when I explain this because he tells me "well I'm not him and you know that". Although I love this person, I don't know whether to break up with him or not. We have both stayed with each other because we want to work things out, however as he has expressed to me and I have noticed: this creating an unhealthy environment and he feels like he is in an unhealthy environment. I never want to keep my boyfriend in an environment in which he feels unsafe and not happy. A lot of the time I worry because of the several arguements we have had, that he is not happy but yet he stays. I cry a lot and I feel terrible, I never open to my mom about things ever but, I did the last argument because of how terrible I feel about it all. I feel like I'm not enough. I find myself trying but even I know my efforts aren't enough for this relationship. Any advice will help which is why I've taken it to here, thank you if you read this.

As the morning sun finally breaks through the night I am already getting dressed for my first day of second grade. As I’m struggling to button up my white collar shirt my dad walks into the room.
“You getting ready for school champ?” He asks me, clearly proud of how grown I looked.
“You betcha Dad!” I exclaimed as a wide smile beamed across my face,
Dad bent down and helped me finish buttoning my shirt.
“So…” he started asking, “what’s the plan for today? You know,” he paused trying to find the right words, “so you don’t have another one of those outbursts?”
These “outbursts” as Dad called them weren’t really outbursts. I’d had outbursts before but these were different. I’ve only had a handful of these breakdowns but they were the worst thing I’d ever experienced. It felt almost like someone was clawing into my skull. The pain was almost unbearable. Then there were the voices… ugh, I shuddered thinking about the voices.
It was because of these outbursts that we had to move cities. They were so bad I was kicked out of every school in Saint Louis.
Now that we moved to my crazy old grandmother’s house in Maryland, my parents were hoping I’d grow out of the breakdowns. They had tried everything they could to “fix” me but to no prevail. No matter how many doctors or therapists I went to none of them could ever find out what was wrong with me. It made me feel hopeless like I was doomed to be the weird kid for the rest of my life.
I still remember my 6th birthday all too well. I had invited every kid in my class to my party and was so excited to have people over.
You see, I had never had a real friend before and I was hoping by having people over at my house I could finally make one. That’s how dumb of a thought process I had in kindergarten. Now that I was in second grade I realized that wasn’t how the world worked. When it came time to have my party no one except my older brother Nathan and my older sister Jess showed up.
“I’m sorry Weston.” I remember Nathan saying, “Maybe next year you’ll have friends.”
Nathan didn’t mean that in a mean way but it sure felt like that. That year when I blew out my candles all I wished for was a single friend, a friend whom I could talk to, a friend whom I could play with and laugh with, a friend who cared about me.
But like most wishes, it never came true. And now here I am ready to reinvent myself and ready to try again. Hopefully, things were different in Baltimore, hopefully the kids were nicer.
“I’ll try not to freak out again Dad.” I finally replied to him as he finished tying my navy blue tie around my neck. “I promise.”
“I know you will Westy. I know. Just please try to take deep breaths like the kind therapist told you to.”
“Dad,” I said longingly, “I told you those silly techniques don’t work.”
“They worked for me.” My older sister Jess said as she walked into the room and sat on my bed, “I used to have the same outbursts happen to me.” She paused, “Matter of fact, the feelings never go away, you just learn to mask them.” She looked at Dad, “That’s just what the Man does to you.
“Jessica!” My dad scolded, “Stop scaring your brother. It’s his first day after all.”
“Weston.” He said turning to me, “Don’t listen to her. Do you understand me?”
I nodded submissively,
Dad turned and walked out of the room leaving me and Jess to finish getting ready.
“He doesn’t get it Westy.” She said to me once she knew he was out of earshot, “But just so you know it gets worse when he visits you again.”
“Again?” I replied in horror, “Jess you’ve got to be kidding me.”
“I’m not I swear Weston. Now normally I wouldn’t be telling you this at your age but you seem pretty mature so I think you can handle it.”
She was wrong, I couldn’t handle it.
"Weston, Jess!” My dad yelled from the kitchen, “Time for school!”
I arrived at school in my dad’s big, grey, Chevy Silverado and hopped down on the curb. I waved goodbye to my dad while Jess grabbed my hand and walked me to my classroom.
Ever since mom died, Jess has stepped up to be the motherly figure in my life though never fully replacing my mom. My mom was a beautiful woman with brown chestnut-colored locks of curly hair and beautiful blue eyes as pale but vibrant as the ocean on a cloudy day. I loved my mom but ever since the Man first showed up at our doorstep she was never quite the same. After the incident with the Man, she turned into a hollow shell of a person. Until, until she’d had enough.
It was right after my 6th birthday when the Man came. Maybe he was the answer to my birthday wish. In some ways, I guess he was. It was raining that day. I can still hear the pitter patter of the raindrops hitting the pavement outside my house when all of a sudden there was a knock on my door. I ran to open it, having not been able to sense danger at such a naive age, and was surprised when a tall man wearing an all-black attire stood there staring at me. When my mom saw who it was from the kitchen she immediately dropped the knife in her hand and started running toward me but not before the Man grabbed me by the shoulder and yanked me out the door. I remember being frozen in fear, not sure whether to cry or scream. I ended up doing nothing. The man shoved me into the back seat of his car and drove off as my mom came running down the driveway. I couldn’t tell if she was crying or if it was just the rain rolling down her face but I remember wondering whether or not I’d ever see her again.
I think about this now as I walked up the steps into the elementary school with my sister’s hand in mine. Once we reach the outside of my classroom, I turn and stare at my sister.
“I don’t wanna go in there,” I said, my anxiety acting up again,
“Come on Weston,” She replied, “I’m sure it will be fine.”
I usually trusted my sister when it came to stuff like this but this time it felt different, something felt wrong. Either way, I decided to suppress my fear and turn to the classroom door. Too short to look into the window of the door, I reach up and turn the handle instead, without looking inside to evaluate the classroom. I crack open the door and peer inside, what I see when I open the door makes me scream at the top of my lungs with fear. I’m struck with fear and can feel the voices coming back.
The Man was sitting at the teacher’s desk, coffee in hand, feet resting on the desk itself.
“It’s nice to see you again William.” He said as a maniacal grin crossed his face,
“Remember me?”

WE HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY

AITA for being upset that my friend didn’t get me a bday present
We got in a fight for a year , I didn’t wish her happy birthday during that year . It started with her not putting any effort into talking to me and I was always texting her first and once i stopped putting in effort to see if she would initiate conversations it took her a month to even realize that we stopped talking . Normally , I would always stay up late to wish her happy birthday and I would get her something.
We recently became friends again and I forgave her for the past . Later I found out that she kind of switched up the story of why we’re not friends anymore and shit talked me to all her friends and to this day her friends still shit talk me and she’ll watch them do it but she won’t defend me. I still got her something for her birthday and stayed up until 12 am to wish her .
Today was my bday and she sent me this message about how she’s happy that we’re friends again but she didn’t offer to get me anything back or even ask me what I wanted. She didn’t even have to get me anything just something small or even just a card would’ve been nice . But no nothing . I don’t want to have to feel like I’m watering a dead plant all over again .

My (18m) mom is psychotic, but for whatever reason nobody in my family gives a shit. She has always been a little crazy (she believes in every conspiracy theory in the book), but she didn’t really go off the deep end until my dad divorced her when I was 4. Since then, she has gotten progressively crazier to an unmanageable level. I could write an epic just filled with everything she’s done that’s crazy, but I will just hit the highlights.

• when I was in kindergarten, she told me on the way home from school that Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, and everything in between were not real.
• when I was a child, she constantly filled my head with the idea that I was going to be tortured and killed in the future for being a Christian. She also made it seem like I was going to go to hell if I sinned at all. I used to shower and bathe at the hottest temperature possible as a kid because i wanted to get prepared for hell.
• when I was 8 years old, she joined a cult (or pseudo religion, or whatever you want to call it) called Hebrew Roots. The basic premise was Judaism plus Jesus, but with no grace. From 8 years old and on she had me follow the rules of Judaism (rest on Friday and Saturday, don’t eat certain foods, etc,) even though I am not Jewish.
• since I was 8, she has taken me on numerous “vacations” which mostly consisted of visiting a friend in her religion (most notably a Native American chief) and studying the Old Testament for 10-12 hours a day.
• my sister used to live with my mom. For her 21st birthday, she “wore a revealing dress and went to the club on a Friday night (sabbath)” my mom kicked her out of the house for this, and she was homeless for some time.
• she said to me “where did we go wrong with you?” Because I said I didn’t like to cook (not in a joking way)
• she constantly pitted me against my dad when I was a kid, from sending him an email to “not persecute my religion”, to telling me my brother chose my dad and my sister chose her, and I would have to choose a side
• she constantly has childlike temper tantrums and meltdowns for no reason. I always have to comfort her, and most of my life I have felt like I had to be a parent to her instead of the other way around -she gets upset at anything and everything “non-biblical”
• one time, I wasn’t showing just enough excitement about what she was talking about (I think Old Testament numerals) and she started to sob and recount everything bad that has ever happened to her (everything from my dad divorcing her to her high school boyfriend cheating on her)
• one time, she saw MF DOOM rings I had put in the Amazon shopping cart, and said that I was “opening a portal to the spirit world”
• I started seeing a therapist about a year and a half ago, and she has probably said 25 plus times that she “respects confidentiality.” Then, in a recent vacation, she had a meltdown when I refused to share what I talked to my therapist about, and told my dad I “have no interest in having a relationship” with her.

I live with my dad, and since we moved to St. Louis from fl 5 years ago, I have not seen my mom that much (thankfully). The problem is, all my close family are pushing me to be nice and accept my mom for who she is. My dad and brother both think I am overreacting when I say I don’t want to see her. This means I am effectively permanently stuck with being friendly with my mom, as I do not want to alienate my other family members. I hate that someone can do so much shit to you and get off scot free.

To the best animator in the WORLD:
Thank you so much for all of the hard work you put into your videos! I don’t know if you know how much joy they give us. I can’t say much because no words can express how grateful all of us are for you and your team! Happy birthday Alan!
I had to preform in my orchestra to and I just got back so I just wrote happy birthday on my fan art, sorry!
This is 100% drawn by me but used Alan’s videos and google for reference.

Throwaway because some of the people in this story know my real reddit.
I (25M) am married. My wife (28F) and I are separated, and will probably, eventually, divorce. She lives in the Midwest, I live in New York. She's close (geographically) to her parents, I'm an immigrant and all the people I love live so far away they may as well be on the moon. My likely soon-to-be ex-wife and I have a decently good relationship - there wasn't any big fighting before the split. She just didn't like me anymore. According to herself, she still cares a lot about me and wants to see me do well and be happy. She wants us to remain friends, but plainly I don't fucking want to. It makes me violently sick to my stomach to imagine myself bearing witness to the woman I loved getting together with some other dude, no matter how much she says she "doesn't think about it in terms of betteworse, just 'right' for her". This is important context.
I have a good career making alright money (enough to live on, at least - not many luxuries) in probably the most prestigious institution of its kind in the US. I graduated from a meh university in a field I never intended to work in. I'm not anything special at my job, just an office drone that occasionally plans events for my section of the company, but it's a hell of a thing to put on a resume. I don't have many friends here in NY outside of my cubicle buddy - lots of acquaintances that I make at the bar every time I go, because people love me when I'm wasted and funny, but nobody that stuck around after I stopped drinking for fitness reasons. I live in a tiny bedroom in an apartment shared with 4 people. I don't go out to save money. I occasionally engage with my hobby, which is scale models of military stuff, but lately I've had little will to do so. I spend close to 1/4 of my salary on a personal trainer, because I can't get the idea out of my head that my ex dumped me for not being hot enough, and I spend two hours every morning before work and three hours on Saturday at the gym, which is basically my main hobby right now. All this is to say, I'm a vain boring guy with no friends stuck in a shitty office job.
I wasn't like this when I was younger. I went to every party back in my hometown. Every time I visited on Spring Break or Summer people would fall over themselves to invite me to parties, when I left for college at 18 something like 200 people got together to burn an effigy of me as a big joke farewell. I was somebody. Every time I used to talk about this to my STB ex, she would get this look on her face like I was telling her I used to do heroin and crack. She's very proper, very ladylike, very respectable. I used to do keg-stands and break into abandoned water parks to smoke weed and graffiti the walls. I also come from a respectable family, so I had triple pressure between my parents and my sister and her to become an upstanding member of society. So now I don't do any of the shit that used to make me happy, and I'm no longer with the person who used to make me happy. It's not even like I can go back to doing that, either - my alcohol tolerance plummeted, I get bad hangovers since I turned 23, and I just don't really *feel* like it anymore.
My best friend back home and I were military otaku. We were always going off about how we'd join the French Foreign Legion together, or the Spanish Legion, or whatever mercenary army would take us. Back then I was out of shape so it was a pie in the sky dream, literally teenage bullshit. My best friend recently lost his long term girlfriend to leukemia, and he called me to tell me he's going to go enlist in the Spanish Legion. I knew he was telling me because he wants me to go with him. The way I am now I could absolutely crush the physical portion of enlistment and being that I have no criminal record and a college degree, the other requirements are taken care of. Absolute worst case scenario, this being the military, I get shot or blown up and die or end up disabled. Best case scenario, I survive the tour and get to live in Spain, with a nice climate, people of a familiar and less friendless culture, and lots of cultural things I like to do. Compared to here, even if I have no friends over there, I could at least go watch my favorite football team play on a regular basis.
Every time I've told my family that I want to go back home, they freak out, because they think I have the perfect life, making shitloads of money working in a super-prestigious office, helping the needy, in the "world capital", so I know that if they found out that I ditched all of that to go march around in tight green pants for a flag that isn't even mine they'd likely disown me. My stb ex-wife also would probably freak out. They all think I have such a great life, that this was all a great opportunity and that I'm living the dream, and yet I'm miserable and lonely and literally purposeless. I just wake up every Monday and go put in a shift at a place I couldn't give less of a shit about and go home to do nothing except play FIFA and chat with my guys on Discord. If I just fucking die over there, I don't have to see my ex build her life without me. I thought Midwest-New York would be enough miles. It isn't. If I leave, I would just get rid of all my devices and tell my friends back home to tell my sister, who would probably filter it to everyone. I want to just disappear and be unreachable so I don't have to hear about their happy lives ever again.
Would I be the asshole if I ditch this supposedly perfect life to follow my friend into the military of a country that isn't ours in a completely different continent? Would I be the asshole for rejecting the "opportunity" to live the way I live?

... I just realized I missed my late grandpa's birthday, which was May 14th. Today it's May 19th. I missed it mainly because I was playing Teamfight Tactics after coming back from work and eating dinner. I could text my sister I would call out gym day so that I could go visit grandpa's grave at the graveyard, but NOPE! I was thinking with this stupid TFT mobile game and my phone instead of my own head...
Sorry if I exaggerate, but I'm just dissapointed of myself right now
It's my fourth day today since I quit gaming anyway..

Probably going to get lost on this sub and thats ok i just need to get this off my chest more than anything TLDR at the end. I also apologize for the bad sentence structure.
Preface information: Gay 23 Year old male living in a rural/small town area diagnosed with Depression Anxiety Asthma and ADHD (ADHD was not diagnosed as a child)
Exactly as the titles says i just want to run away and start over but i can't. Is it healthy no but I just don't know what else to do at this point. Compared to most people probably has a decent life with a supportive family, but I am unhappy with all of it and haven't been happy since I was 16.
I have been to multiple therapists but have yet to have a consistent one and currently my newest one I see maybe once a month due to high demand in my area. And we have not even begun to actually begin helping my issues. (Have been seeing her for 2 months now. I believe I am being properly medicated however I forget even with alarms set to take my meds (and lost my depression meds which yes I know is not helping).
I just got hired for a 3rd shift job making decent pay and hopefully can start a decent saving so i can eventually move away. I also have a prior commitment working for someone during the day watching their storefront while they are out with a trailer at different places. This is not every day but more like every other weekend for now until summer when i am excreted to watch the store more frequently. This will have me working 10pm-6am and 11am-6pm some days which I know won't work. I need to tell the store owner I can't do it but I don't want them to get mad and screw them over as they won't be able to find someone to cover their store if I don't. (And yes that's their problem not mine but still)
I have aging grandparents and my mom/dad doesn't have the time to help them or spend a lot of time with them nor does my sister make an effort to most of the time either. My grandfather on my dad's side is more worse off than my grandmother on my mom's side due to his age and having a stroke (but not telling anyone he had one). He constantly answers obvious scam calls and orders stuff off the TV or elsewhere and when we try to help him he fights with us because he doesn't want to be the steotypical old person (which he is) my dad's brothers still live at home mooch off him and do not acknowledge his existence 99% of the time as well.
I have tried to go to college twice couldn't get into the institution I wanted and flunked out both times due to the pressure, teachers insulting me, and my mental issues that were the colleges refused to acknowledge even with my attempting to give them the paperwork to do so through proper channels. This is to the point where I don't even know if it is worth going back as everyone I graduated with for the most part is either graduated already, have great careers, have kids, or just are overall very happy and content with their lives.
One of my best friends also died in early 2022 and I could not attend the funeral as I was working and had moved away for college (or attempted to) and everyone back home completely forgot I even existed as a friend to him. I had to beg and plead to get something to remember him by (one of his deckboxes for card games) and I'm still not even over his death as he and I spent almost every night playing video games together and I can't even touch those games without being reminded of him. This also includes the card games I play too mainly Yu-Gi-Oh as he played that slong with my other best friend but it's just not the same.
Most of my issues stemmed from high school where I feel my life just ended. I was diagnosed with asthma at 16 after having a lot of issues with cross country and swimming and subsequently diagnosed with Depression and anxiety a couple of months later due to constantly bullying from teammates and one of the cross country coaches that I was either faking it or that asthma is not real. I was one of the star swimmers in our school until our original coach left and one of the cross country coaches took over. Because of my asthma my mental illness and non supportive coaching staff I just drifted to a point where I was basically one of the worst on the team and had no idea what I was doing with my life and still don't to this day. I was the gifted kid growing up but once I got to high school and asked for help I was told I would just figure it out like I always do I was a smart kid so my cries for help were always ignored.
EDIT: almost forgot but I have 0 love life no one around me wants to date and I have very little options where I live one guy I went to school with moved to a big city close by and seems to have no trouble finding guys who actually want to date so I guess I'm just also jealous of that and want the same options he has.
TLDR: I want to run away and start over because of 1. No consistent mental health 2. I don't like people depending on me 3. I have too many commitments and I don't know to say no 4. Aging grandparents that expect me to be at their beck and call 5. Issues with School feeling left out/behind 6. Death of a close friend and not being able to get over it 7. Issues stemming from High school where I feel my life ended. 8. Issues with lack of love life.
If anyone has any advice I'm all ears otherwise just needed to air it out to someone/people that wasn't someone I know basically. Thanks.

Context: We were friends for 4 years. He ghosted me a month ago. It happened all of a sudden. I told him I was at the hospital. He gave me no explanation. I begged for us to leave on better terms. He blocked me.
A month later, he sends me a mail for my birthday and tries to add me on Discord. I knew he would because, for 4 years, all he did was alternate between silent treatment , anger bursts and apologies whenever I tried to move on. He complained many times I was the abuser bc of all the times he had to apologize to me. That is the only reason I even gave him another chance bc he has a way to convince me I am the one who pushed him away or overwhelmed his or something. And yet, no matter what, it ends with an anger burst, with snarky comments and being ghosted. He is avoidant and always comes back. I just need new perspectives on this.
Mail he sent:
Dear X,
I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I'm sorry for how things have turned so sour between us. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to give you what you asked. I hope you're doing okay, I worry often. I've tried to add you on discord a few times but I guess you're not around or don't want to anymore. No matter what happens you'll always have a place in my heart. I know that isn't believed by you, nor do I expect it to be. I just want you to know that I have a sincere gratitude for having gotten to know you and grow with you through our interactions. Have a wonderful day; may it treat you with kindness.
Y.

Weird title, and weird story, but I have to get this off my chest and tell somebody about it because it upset me so so badly.
My grandpa is in the middle stages of dementia, and he likes to watch animals. Birds outside, the neighborhood cats outside of his window, squirrels, live cams of animals on TV, all that kind of stuff keeps his attention and make him less antsy for a long time. So for his birthday in early April, I got him a 20 gallon fish tank to keep on the table next to his recliner. Now, I did some research into fish, and found out it was best to run the tank for a while before putting fish in it. Ok, so I set it all up on his birthday, put some aquatic plants in it, and let it run until I got home from college, about a month later.
The other day I decided it was finally time to get some fish. Although I could have done this without my Papa, I decided it would be good to get him out and about, and get his say on what color of fish we were gonna get. We talked about what fish we wanted before this, and decided that wanted at least 4 Tetras, so we could name them after the Beatles.
We get to the big chain pet store, Papa picks out a little yellow submarine to put in his tank, all is well, until we get to the actually getting of the fish. A worker comes out and asks me what type of fish I want, I point out the exact fish, and ask my Papa what colors he would like. The worker stops me, and asks me who exactly the fish are for, and seeing no reason to lie, I tell the worker that they are for my Papa. Who, at this stage of dementia, it is quite obvious he is not at 100% mental capacity. Suddenly, the worker gets all strange, and begins interrogating me on my tank. What size it is, how long the filter has been running, etc. Again, I see no reason to lie to him, so I tell him everything already covered. The worker says that my tank is way to small, that I need at least 30 gallon tank to hold any fish, and that my filter hasn't been running for long enough, blabbers on for about 30 minutes about how irresponsible it would be for me to have this fish, an insists the only thing that can live in my tank is plants. He says he will not sell us fish, any fish. He then proceeds to practically force us to buy a plant (picked one off the shelf, put it in my hand, and walked us to the register). I buy the plant and my Papa's yellow submarine.
At this point, I am fuming. I kind of caught on to what this worker was about-he assumed my Papa couldn't take care of this fish. But I'm trying to keep my cool, not wanting my Papa to see that I was upset. Papa is of course confused when we get back to the car as to why we have no fish, I tell him that they just didn't have the ones we wanted (now usually I tell the truth but in this situation, I knew he would have stormed back in and demanded the fish if he knew what had happened)
I knew for a fact fish could live in the tank I set up, so I did what I should have done in the first place, go to the local fish store. The reason I didn't do this in the first place is because it is not disability accessible, like so many small business are, unfortunately.
I go to the local fish store, leaving Papa in the car with the Beatles playing (of course), explain to the fish man my situation. Asking him if there are any fish that could live in a 20 gallon tank
"Of course, I've got the perfect fish for you"
You know what they were? Tetras! The only warning the fish man gave me was to keep the food hidden from my Papa as him may over feed them, no problem was gonna do that anyways. Plan was for me to be the fish caretaker in the first place.
So now John, Paul, George, and Ringo are happily living next to my Papas chair with their yellow submarine. My Papa couldn't be happier watching his fish. I'm just so mad we were seemingly discriminated against by the worker at the big chain store, I assume he thought my Papa would be the sole caregiver of the fish, which is an unfair assumption, especially since he didn't ask me who would be caring for the fish-just who the fish were for.
Sorry for the long post, this whole story has had me fuming for days, I though writing it all out for you lovely internet people would help me calm down about it.
TLDR: Big chain store wouldn't sell me and my Papa fish because worker assumed my Papa wasn't capable of taking care of them, local business to the rescue. Paul, John, George and Ringo are now very happy fish.