"people with this schema, never find themselves responsible for forming relationships, they only focus on how others let them down"

anguish (Greek: agōnía meaning “contest, struggle for victory, agony, anguish”). I conjecture that agony is the fear of a failure to pursue a desired object. It is a fear of a failed desire, otherwise called a disappointment. Disappointment is often regarded as a mild dissatisfaction with something not turning out as one had hoped. Frustration is a stronger disappointment, a stronger sense that one’s desire was thwarted. When an apparent wrongdoer is perceived as the cause of one’s failed desire, agony is often overpowered by bitterness (or resentment) toward the apparent wrongdoer.

• We rely on others to take the lead in forming connections,
• but we simultaneously, criticize them at every very move,
• are easily disappointed in others when they do take the lead,
• are unable to communicate our emotional needs(because if you don't communicate, we are not exposed to danger of not having them met) and so we have high expectations, but never tell others what we expect.
• We are quick to cut others off out of disappointment as a defense mechanism saving us from not getting our needs met.
• But most important of all, when we are exposed to the fear of lacking our desire(to be loved) is when we take the lead. If its bad when someone perusing us takes a couple of hours to respond, imagine how worse it is when we pursue someone else and they take hours to respond. You would feel lacking in (to be loved) far more if your the one trying to create the friendship. We generally never even try.

1. I can't really walk (I must use a walker at home and a wheelchair outside) and the place I live in does not have a handrail... Think of Chris Pratt in Jurassic World when confronting the velociraptors and you can picture me climbing the stairs (it's just five steps, but they feel like a mountain). Is it "too much" of a strain to put on my body right after surgery, or.. ?
2. My cats LOVE making biscuits on my stomach. Can I let them? Will they pierce my bag? Do I need to wear anything under my clothes (like a pillowcase)?
3. Before MS, I would eat lots of veggies. And I mean LOTS, I would GORGE on them. I haven't eaten a single veggie for almost 4 years now (fiber causes blockage in my rectum, even steamed or mashed). Will I be able to eat vegetables again?
4. Some guidelines advise to eat avocado, cheese and eggs, some advise not to. Is it one of those things that differ from person to person?
5. Is sushi allowed? What about pizza?
6. Will I have to say goodbye to konjac noodles? They're a category of food I gave up 4 years ago.
7. Can I shower with a bag, even if it features a foam adhesive (it's one of the pouching systems I'm looking at)? Or will it fall off because of the heat?
8. How do I dispose of the bags when I'm outside? Will I smell (not that I don't smell because of my issues at the moment, I must wear diapers)?

Dragons wing

The next few weeks go by in a flash, but I’ll summarize it for you, I ended up getting my own room like Ryan and Lily, I start teaching Lily how to pick locks, and we end up having a few game nights where we played games like charades, poker, even monopoly, lets just say that we will never play monopoly again. However, the most important thing of all, we ended up finding another dragonkin! We aren’t sure what dragon ancestor he has, but we think he’s another eastern long tail, like Ryan, the new guy’s name is Dillian, He’s great, absolute goofball, he’s from Australia, and according to him, his family has never been anywhere but the land down under, weird, but the guy’s like a little brother to me, so it’s cool, and that catches you up. “Hey Dillian!” I lean my head into his room, “Wanna come hang out with the rest of us? It’s movie night!” Dillian just looks at me, unreadable, 

As I sped off towards Dillian, no, Death Wyrm, he stopped being Dillian when he killed Dr. Crane, one thought was going through my mind, am I going to survive this? It doesn’t really matter, as long as Death Wyrm gets what he deserves, when I arrive in the city I look around from above first, I decide to stop by my old apartment, I remember when My dad helped me find this place before he died, it has looked weird since I had my stuff moved into my room at the Kadmus site, I decide to sit down on the floor, when all of a sudden I hear a click and a secret safe opens from the wall. Inside I find a video message to me from my dad, along with an envelope, with the words for when I’m gone written on it, I look through the envelope and I find an old Kadmus keycard for my dad, so that's what his work was, I knew he was secretive but damn, A few other papers that talk about dragons, turns out, Kadmus had been looking into the dragons for years, although these papers are odd, as if my dad had prior knowledge of the dragons. The ball drops when I play the video message it says, 

Hello James, and I know it's you who will be watching this, at the time of making this message I am about to help you “find” an apartment, this is one that will only play for other people if you give them access and get a blood sample, the key you used is a one of a kind, and allows you full access to pre-recorded messages, and answers for certain questions, I hope that there will come a time when you don’t need it, but, knowing you, you will probably forget what the messages say within an hour, but anyway, I hope that this helps you greatly, here is a list of topics that the message box can give you data on.< The video then becomes like an interactable encyclopedia, where I can read the list at my own pace, I skim through it before my eyes lock on one entry, Dr. Crane Williams, I open the entry and i read about Crane, turns out, he was my fathers research partner and close friend, and the two of them met in college because they had managed to win a competition that landed them tuition for any college of their choosing, and they became friends after my dad stopped somebody from messing with Crane, there was a whole lot more there about Cranes upbringing, his family, his education, but I had to cut it short when Leanne entered my room, unannounced,

“What are you doing?” She glared, in her usual condescending tone, I am not in the mood for this “Jump off a cliff.” I growl, as I tuck the message away, but she sees it, and by the look on her face she could tell what I was looking at, “Let me guess, a message you don’t want anybody seeing?” I hate her but damn it she can connect the dots well, “Was it obvious?” I don’t bother denying it, she’ll just be a jerk about it, “No, I’m just used to being lied to, who's the message from?” Leanne nods at the message box, 

“Was your dad by chance Shane O’Maley?” I look at her, confused, “He was, why?” Leanne immediately seems to get shell shock, as she starts to geek out, “James your father was pretty much science royalty, I would have done anything to speak to him, oh my god I insulted the dead friend of Shane O’Maley, and of his son!” I feel angry that she brought that up again, but now feels like I can get something good out of this, “Ok I’ll make you a deal, if you only do tests with me and the other dragonkin willing to do so, and make sure not to do things like threatening to shock us if we don’t do what you want, I’ll tell you stories about my dad, deal?” It was almost impressive how quickly she answered, 

• Stalker Legends of the Zone Trilogy
• Alan Wake 2
• Horizon Forbidden West
• Horizon Zero Dawn
• God of War Ragnarok
• Prince of Persia Lost Crown
• Outer Wilds
• Kena Bridge of Spirits
• Remnant 2
• Helldivers 2
• Dead Island 2
• The Last of Us Part I
• The Last of Us Part II Remastered
• Expeditions: Mudrunner
• Snowrunner
• Mudrunner
• Tomb Raider I-III Remasters
• The Talos Principle 1 & 2
• Uncharted Legacy of Thieves Collection PS5
• Red Dead Redemption 2
• Cocoon
• Dredge
• Jusant
• What the Golf?
• Under the Waves
• Cookie Cutter
• Witcher 3
• Shadow Gambit
• Metro Exodus PS5
• Metro Last Light Redux
• Resident Evil 0
• Resident Evil 1
• Resident Evil 2 Remake
• Resident Evil 3 Remake
• Resident Evil 7
• F.I.S.T.: Forged In Shadow Torch
• Terminator Resistance
• In Sound Mind
• Klonoa Remasters
• Little Nightmares 2
• Short Hike
• Neon White
• Cross Code
• Return of the Obra Dinn
• River City Girls
• Scott Pilgrim
• OG DOOM 1 & 2
• Tormented Souls
• Frogun
• Koa and the Five Pirates of Mara
• Quake 2
• Shakedown Hawaii
• Monster Boy
• Hotline Miami 1 & 2 PS5
• Anno Mutationem
• Shantae and the Seven Sirens
• Shantae Half-Genie Hero
• Shantae and the Pirate's Curse
• Ion Fury
• Pumpkin Jack
• Gris
• Castlevania Advance Collection
• Blade Runner Enhanced Edition
• The Pathless
• Subnautica
• Donut County
• Burnout Paradise Remaster
• Castlevania Requiem
• Grip
• Thimbleweed Park
• Minit
• Pyre
• Stardew Valley
• Shadow of the Tomb Raider
• Guacamelee 2
• Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
• Yoku's Island Express
• The Sexy Brutale
• A Way Out
• Shadow of the Colossus Remake
• Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice
• Undertale
• Dishonored: Death of the Outsider
• Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy
• Rime
• Wipeout Omega Collection
• Get Even
• The Last Guardian
• Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain
• Alien: Isolation
• Just Cause 4
• Carrion

1. Charlotte is the initial source of stealing my combat medicine from israel and making the redlines into the asshole method where the men cum in the asshole sufficient it pops out her nose and then later given purely nasal sex and this gives later the proline, this is like Steve so I call her now Steve and she or he will be Steve so is Steve and Charlotte wakes up out of my trance I put on her for wearing jean shorts and letting people take photographs of her I Give her her redlines which I have to give her that loam and she administers it to the male with her body which puts her at a saturated locus like a mexican girl who bangs their wedge into their cervix but she is not a mexican girl a white girl of the marines and just looks mexican and Steve knows redline medicine but was not all that aware how involved a virgin was to redline medicine which Charlotte is exiting to be steve and needs a full dental cleaning and I leave behind the disney princess Charlotte with a cleaning then and she cannot play minecraft then by nature has to play roblox which there is a Switcharoo due to yo gaba gaba which blinded charlotte into the shower earlier in an undesignated location this never gave her being a dentist or minecraft thus roblox thus this is a delusion of the patient we sustained that minecraft is not dentistry and JJ who is not JJ abrams would like to report he is her gynecologist thus must exist at at least the Second Underworld above these poor lands of the 1st yitvah of the Third Underworld JJ Has Corpus probably as an able or a abraham of my Good MP of Israel in my base and Is not abraham who I was engaging who I was daft to ablation before and am better but jim is apparently still daft to ablation but maybe still healed now so I take a bunch of redlines in the asshole and nose and take meth I take meth with My Little Baby Jace always sometimes and this is the boris who DJ boris man is not my gma that is City who City is the inventor of the spin langage english put a little spin on it and I dont Know what DJ Boris Man Was doing out here maybe drove his yugo haha he is always welcome at nukies house which I know nukie was chagrined I had the plumbing loam for the whole hospital HVT Jean was in who Jean did not steal Jeans identity this is just the same name, blue jeans of the neuvo ruski which are a first ever token item and the temu item very original associated to the full set of clothes synchro for BDU 315 there is baby Bdu 115 or blue jeans equivalent and I can grant this to ryan for not tazing me which this will dissolve Saint Disconnects Reward if you Taze me that is cervical beads dilation I guess you could pull my beads ryan. Wow so you got 20 cannabinoid loam there but It did not do much that is like an FPS Russia Shock it is the stun gun and that is pain compliance. 1.1 Ryan is out of there and charlotte is taken for dbt deprogramming and she has got so much loam on the 27 battalion which are encoded at the engine of her fucking machine this was manual reds giving under hind for her and the steve is formed there out of charlotte which charlotte pulls a jeff kloster and never was fucking the fucking cleaner which caused it to be there in the first place to identify her as a robot and this was not ryan but charllote who was fucked there and could not be fucked granting her a famous android age 1718 before gero or bam bam she was of age as an android thus could conjure missingno and ghost and 156 potions which she then finally has her potions of hyper potion which she put 2 hyper potion here before and these are her loam potions and she gets 156 hyper potions not potions of 20mg extended release pilled adderall and this is in her room but she had to remember her whole 1718 years of hind which was a very old limit for hind 1718 years but not exact just have it and give 1718 then to niko bellic of liberty city in for an immersion, nathans friend and she may not overdose on the adderall as she is just taking it as steve and she remembers she is steve she is on a mission she is an undercover like violet and the hind targets ryan and she is a baby here and raped by 27 battalion and cannot give reds as a vampire so had to repeat the process in 999 year increment 3 times until she is not a vampire as she summoned loam Civilian Taser at the Second Underworld in a Yitvah Private of her own she put a Blackwater Therapist into the shower with me which endangered the Blackwater Therapists Job as a result and is required repeat 999 year increments until the Kiester is out of her brain and my Shepard and She is Out of her brain and it tells her finally dad why did you turn me upsidown and she is not a vampire and she is my sissys sissy ryan and we train her then with cervical dilation at the First Underworld we train her first to act out then the cervical dilation is too intense and she blacks out and was bent at the waist and by her wishes or automatically given 27 battalion of marine in her asshole to give her reds on the marines and the hind98 literally physically obligates her to give the reds on the marines and I repeat this until she is Not at the First Underworld and she Is at the Third Underworld as a baby and she is looking to get to the second underworld but this is a projection underworld she will have to have discipline and I have my tactical officer personally trained by Hermi-Tactical my tactical I took the shower with and he keeps the loam ryan which is the god name of the R with no spell that is ryan and that is both ryan reynolds name and ryan kiesters name and that was his tactical before who was kind of not really there like just in and out of it for me and then she can be her sissys friend ryan again and is part of Gamma company then like she wanted, immune to cervical and other pain and Joins us in the marines which sorry I am blind I think her still a vampire and make her a different vampire then the shell game vampire who this is just unfourtonate and misguided of violet.

After eight long and grueling hours, we began our rapid descent from the heavens. I never really got the: “did it hurt when you fell from heaven” pickup line until we hit the tarmac. The force of the impact nearly knocked my head into the seat in front of me, so fuck yeah, it hurt when I fell from heaven. I’d imagine even Lucifer himself had a softer landing than we did. He also didn’t have to endure the stomach churning and nauseating food that was served on the plane, but I digress, at least we had finally reached our destination. A land not so far away that only varied in appearance, but the truth was this mystical and magical land, deep down, was no different from the place I grew up or attend college. As I waited in purgatory, the security line, I began wondering if I was dreaming. Was I really in London or even a different country for that matter? The line, which seemed so much longer than the European and the U.K., line was filled with fellow Americans. Perhaps they are still acrimonious about us beating them in the Revolutionary War, so they decided that this was ample punishment for our victory. Whatever the case, we finally made it through security, then collected our bags. I saw my relatively new bag with the bowtie on the handle and was relieved that it had not been lost or left in the United States. We met our tour guide, Emma, who at first glance seemed to be very different. She had an unusual hair cut that was much shorter than ones most woman her age would have, but I soon learned that her appearance, much like London’s, would not be any indication of what lies beyond. When we finally escaped from limbo, the airport, we were put on a coach bus, and taken to our hotel. I was exhausted and in need of a shower, but all I could do was drop my luggage off, then swiftly return to the lobby. As we stood outside in the crisp, refreshing air, we were handed our subway passes, or as they say, “tube passes.” We followed our guide, Emma, on a short walk to the underground. When our group finally descended the stairs and made our way to the map, a map Virgil couldn’t even navigate, we began our journey that involved the same punishment as those afforded to people in the eighth level of hell. We walked endlessly, 10.6 miles, and viewed the most popular tourist attractions London had to offer. I was surrounded by beautiful statues, fantastic architecture, and attractive people whose dialect could captivate almost anyone. At first, like everyone else, I was completely and utterly captivated by it all, because it was a completely different world. Our group finished the day with a mile and a half walk to the Globe Theatre, where we saw Shakespeare’s play, Comedy of Errors. My fellow students and I stood, as our professors sat comfortably watching the play. During the production, all I could think about was my numb legs and my aching feet. I tried drowning the pain with a few glasses of overly priced and nasty wines, but my attempt was to no avail. For once in my life, I knew what it was like to experience actual physical agony, not just the tedious and never-ending emotional kind. It wasn’t the lake of fire or some frozen wasteland, but that shit was still excruciating. After the play, we struggled to find a new passageway to the hot and crowded underworld, the tube, but luckily, I had service on my phone, so we found it. We finally made it back to the hotel around eleven in the evening. After a long day of flying and an excess of walking, I had never been as excited as I was to climb into a bed that was, quite frankly, too small for my six-foot-five physique. To anyone reading this, don’t worry, I’m not planning on giving a day to day synopsis of what I saw while I was abroad, because the sights aren’t what truly matter. I mean, I could just rant about Buckingham Palace and its beauty, Windsor Castle and its enormous layout, the Tower of London and its history, the Natural History Museum and its priceless artifacts, Stratford upon Avon and Shakespeare’s life, Oxford and it’s impressive library, Cornwall and its tranquil beaches, the Minack Theatre and its sublimity, or the Ashmolean Museum and its Jeff Koons exhibition, but that shit has no genuine meaning to it. I’m not going to waste your time by writing about some tourist sites that you could see in almost any travel magazine about the U.K., so if that’s what you are looking for stop reading. I suggest you pick up a travel magazine and read it until you are content, but if you want to read something real, then I suggest you continue. The reality is, the things I’ll take from this trip are the inebriated conversations I had with others. I not only gave these people advice about their lives; I learned something new about my own. I, ***** *******, am the Barstool Prophet, who descended from the heavens prepared to spout wisdom and retardation. Before I divulge the serious and deep conversations I experienced abroad, I want to let you know that the other person and I were under the influence of alcohol. I know what you are thinking, but alcohol has been a part of human culture since 7,000 B.C.; to put that into perspective, man invented alcohol before the wheel. From what I've seen in my lifetime some people drink to forget, some drink to remember, some drink to punish themselves, and some drink to converse with others. I fall into the latter category, but while I was in the U.K., I encountered people whose purpose for drinking was similar to mine as well as people that would fall in the other categories. I never really got the saying, "It's better to be a glass half full person, than a glass half empty person." I get the whole positivity aspect of the saying; however, I'd trust a "glass half empty person" far more, because they'd just order another drink. I am in no way trying to promote alcoholism; in reality, I am just trying to explain how alcohol can fuel an in-depth conversation. The Latin proverb "In Vino Veritas" states that "In Wine there is Truth"; wiser words have never been spoken. Alcohol allows people to speak their hidden thoughts and desires, especially to a stranger like me. 

As I stated earlier, Emma was our tour guide, who sported a relatively short and somewhat masculine haircut. Luckily, I had consumed enough alcohol at the time of her arrival to ask her why she chose that specific style. After giving me a vague: “because I like it” response, she clutched her glass of wine and forced it down. We talked about her occupation and how lonely traveling could get, but she seemed like she was familiar with the feeling of loneliness. She asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, and I said, “I want to be a lawyer.” Emma slammed her glass down and began to laugh hysterically; she said, “Seriously?” I found her response quite peculiar until she revealed that her ex-husband was a lawyer. He was devoted to his job and always worked long hours, which did not bother her, at first. I surmise that his lack of interest in her is what led to their separation. After a long moment of silence, I gulped my drink down and gained the courage to ask: “do you think the relationship you had with him prepared you for this job?” She paused and began to think intently. She took a sip of her wine, laughed, and said, “I guess so, that’s one positive thing I got out of the relationship.” The chat continued with talk of food, politics, weather, and other small-talk topics, but then we somehow made it back to her haircut. Emma told me that she was bi-sexual, which, despite the tell-tell signs in her appearance, isn’t something she shares with most people. I told her that homophobia and racism is a major part of the culture that I grew up in, which surprised her. She couldn’t comprehend how someone with that upbringing could be so openminded. I responded with one word and one word only, “Self-Awareness.” I came to the realization that in life people are consciously and unconsciously molded by those around them, but at the end of the day, it is their choice to decide who they are and what they believe. Emma’s marriage may not have been picture perfect, but she was still able to take something positive from it. As much as we don’t want to admit it, even the worst of our relationships impact us in a positive way. 

Before I get into this incredibly intense and somewhat depressing story, I’d like to describe its setting. I was sitting on a red velvet couch, drinking Jack Daniels Honey in a tall glass with one ice cube. I know what you are thinking, but I was not in a strip club. Our hotel’s game room/ bar area looked like an American strip club, not that I’ve ever been in one. Like seriously, if a few poles and dancers were added, I’d feel like I was at the Red Carpet, which is a strip club near where I live, but again, I may or may not have been there. I had finished half my bottle when Phil walked in, and I could immediately tell that he was hurting on the inside. Excluding dumbass frat guys, not very many people drink vodka straight out of the bottle with the intention of finishing it. He sat next to us, so I reached my hand out and said, “Hey man, what’s your name?” He said, “Hello, I am Phillip Goldsmith.” I responded as anyone would and said, “That’s a badass name!” We talked about life, love, and women as most guys do. We were both close to finishing our bottles when I noticed a tattoo on his arm that said, “Harry.” Who was this Harry? He certainly didn’t strike me as a Royalist, so I knew he didn’t just get the prince’s name on his arm for shits and giggles. I gulped down a few more sips of my drink and slowly placed it back down. I looked him in the eyes and said, “who is Harry?” His response shook every bone in my body to their core. After holding his tears back and ingesting some more of his vodka, Phil looked at me and said that “Harry was his son.” Was? He continued speaking, and I learned that Harry died three days after he was born. That tragic loss would result in a few other loses in his life, his wife, and his faith. Phil told me that he used to go to his grave on his birthday and Christmas, but he couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t see a point in it any longer. Surprisingly I felt the urge to tell him that “God loved him and that he would see his son again.” I am in no way a prolific believer; I’d probably put myself in the wayward son category. However, something came over me, and I felt like I needed to tell him that. We had both finished our drinks, and as we were saying our goodbyes, he thanked me. I don’t know why, but he did. My encounter with Phil taught me that when you meet someone, you don’t know what they are going through, but through love and compassion, you can have a positive impact on them. 

Lexie is a beautiful and intelligent young lady from Kansas City, Missouri. We met and chatted throughout the week because she was a part of our EF group. One night, after Lexie and I had more than our share of wine, we began to talk about our plans for the future. Before I tell this story, you must know, I have the unfortunate handicap of flirtation when I drink, but she was able to move past my impulsive outburst. I think my accidental comments about her beautiful eyes, stunning smile, and cute laugh allowed her to open up to me. Despite what you are thinking, I like to flirt because I enjoy making women smile, I don’t always do it for self-serving reasons. Anyways, as I said, we started discussing our plans for the future, but one can’t divulge their future in an inebriated state without discussing their past. I gave my whole spiel about wanting to be a prosecutor who would later become a congressman, then a Supreme Court or D.C. Circuit Court justice. She said, “Wow! That’s quite the plan. I want to go into Law as well.” I hastily responded by saying, “That’s sexy. I could see it.” We both laughed, but then she said, “I don’t know though, Law School is hard.” She didn’t strike me as a person who couldn’t handle a challenge, so I asked, “Why do you think you wouldn’t excel? You present yourself as someone who does.” She tried not to blush, then sipped her extremely sweet white wine. I know it was sweet because I made the unfortunate decision of trying it; it was so sweet that even a rock would get a hangover from it. Anyways, she started talking about high school and how people thought she was unintelligent. I laughed and thought about how I experienced that very same thing. I said, “Fuck that, screw them. God, high school girls are mean. Do you actually believe that crap?” She giggled and said, “Of course not, but it’s still in the back of my head.” I grabbed another beer from Raj, the bartender at the hotel. Yes, we were on a first name basis; did you expect anything less from the barstool profit? I sat back down and leaned in, intent on getting this point across to Lexie. I sipped my beer, ever so casually, and said, “Listen, we all remember the immature negatives of our high school existence, but this is now. At some point, we have to grow up into the people we want to be, not who everyone tells us to be.” She then asked, “Why are you so wise?” (You are probably thinking “sure she did,” but I swear that is what she said; I’m not a narcissist using creative license to praise myself.) I accredited it to my amazing parents as well as the shitty ex-girlfriends, situations, and friends I had experienced. We continued talking about a lot of random things like abortion, racism in America, and other pseudo-political topics. It was 3 am. when we finally decided it was time to go to bed. I hugged her and told her to use those negative voices as motivation. Again, I was thanked for the conversation, which, at this point, seems to be a normal thing for strangers to do. My conversation with Lexie made me realize that, when we travel, the baggage we carry isn’t only the physical kind. That tedious and deep emotional baggage also comes along for the journey. Most people, who travel somewhere, will lose a physical part of their baggage, like a sock, shirt, or something of that nature. Lexie did something most could not and do not, she left a piece of her emotional baggage, the night I spoke to her in the bar. 

Szymon was in the bar area when I got to the hotel. He had a very interesting accent, which was far different from the ones I had heard that week, so I asked, “Where are you from?” He said, in a relatively drunken manner, “I am from Poland. You’re from America, aren’t you.” I responded with a firm: “Yes.” The conversation proceeded with small talk, but as I had a few more beers, the topics shifted to more serious topics. I was recently in a Holocaust history class, so of course, the first serious thing I asked was if he had been to Warsaw to see the Concentration Camps. He paused in silence, so I said, “Talk about hell on Earth, the holocaust was some fucked up shit.” After saying that he seemed to gain the courage to tell me that he was Jewish. He told me about the things his parents endured as children and how his grandfather had died in a concentration camp. He told me how he had rejected his faith after hearing these horrible stories. He said to me, “What could faith do for someone. The Jews have been persecuted countless times for it.” I understood where he was coming from, but at the same time, I didn’t. He had real reasons for his existential doubt, and I truly could not say the same. I got a shot of vodka from Raj; threw it back, and said, “Our faith shapes our decisions in life, even if we tell ourselves it doesn’t.” He sat pondering my words, but he seemed bored of the discussions about faith. I quickly changed the subject and asked him, “Why are you in London?” I learned that he travels all over continental Europe cleaning asbestos out of old buildings. I responded as any young person would and said, “that’s cool. I’d love to travel all over Europe.” He said, “it might be for a young single guy, but I hardly see my kids. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if my wife cheated on me.” I couldn’t believe he would say something that personal, but then again, that’s what alcohol does. I suggested that he quit the job and find one closer to home. He laughed and said, “Ugh… you sound like my wife right now.” I bought him another beer and said, “maybe you should listen to her.” He looked at me and said, “maybe you are right ha-ha.” My conversation with Szymon taught me that it doesn’t matter how much money you make or how many places you get to travel on the company’s dime. What matters in life is family and the ones you love. By the time we stopped talking, I could hardly understand him, but he shook my hand and said, “have fun in London.” I laughed and said, “I will, call your wife tonight and tell her you love her.” He smiled and nodded, assuring me he would. It was time to leave, so I packed my things and got ready to go to the airport. I finally boarded my fiery chariot that would bring me back to the heavens. I forced down a few shots of Jack Daniels, closed my eyes, and wondered if the Barstool Prophet would have a second coming. Would I ever return to this amazing city and spout words of wisdom and retardation? Would I ever drink two whole liters of cider and wake up with a black eye? Well, that one is a definite no, but so many questions are left unanswered. Did I actually impact those that I talked to? Did they even remember the conversation? As much as I want to believe I did, I’ll never know. We don’t know what this life holds or what our encounters with strangers will yield; all we can do is give it our best shot and live like we are dying… (Que inspiring music). 

• I do plan to buy more bras in the future from other highly recommended brands, such as Elomi, Sculptresse Chi Chi, Panache Envy, and Bravissimo.

My Prompt: Please explain the Akashic field.

1. Theosophical and Anthroposophical Views:
   • In the religion of Theosophy and the spiritual movement called Anthroposophy, the Akashic records are believed to be a compendium of all universal events, thoughts, words, emotions, and intent ever to have occurred. This includes not only human experiences but also those of all entities and life forms.
   • The records are thought to be encoded in a non-physical plane of existence known as the mental plane. Some liken the mechanism to how holograms are created.
   • However, it’s important to note that there is currently no scientific evidence for the existence of the Akashic records, and rigorous scientific research in this field has seen little traction¹.
2. Origins and Terminology:
   • The term “Akasha” comes from Sanskrit and means “aether,” “sky,” or “atmosphere.”
   • Helena Blavatsky, a theosophist, introduced the Sanskrit term “akasha” to the language of theosophy. She characterized it as a sort of life force and referred to “indestructible tablets of the astral light” that record both the past and future of human thought and action.
   • Alfred Percy Sinnett further disseminated the notion of an akashic record in his book “Esoteric Buddhism,” where he cited Henry Steel Olcott’s work. Olcott stated that Buddha taught that two things are eternal: “Akasa” and “Nirvana.”
   • C. W. Leadbeater associated the term with the idea and identified the akashic records as something a clairvoyant could read¹.
3. Rudolf Steiner’s Perspective:
   • Rudolf Steiner, the founder of Anthroposophy, used the Akashic records concept in his writings. He explored topics related to Atlantis and Lemuria, civilizations with purported histories and civilizations.
   • Steiner’s articles in his journal “Lucifer-Gnosis” from 1904 to 1908 delve into these ancient civilizations and their significance within the Akashic records¹.

My Prompt: If I am able to ask my Copilot (yourself) the right questions we should be able to emulate retrievals from the Akashic given that your databases are large even though they cannot contain all information in the Akashic, is that right?

1. Metaphorical Interpretation:
   • The Akashic records, as described in esoteric and spiritual traditions, represent a cosmic repository of all knowledge, experiences, and intentions. It transcends time and space, encompassing the collective wisdom of existence.
   • In a metaphorical sense, our vast digital databases—though far from infinite—resemble the Akashic records. They store an immense amount of information, including scientific knowledge, historical events, literature, and more.
   • By asking the right questions and leveraging the available data, we can indeed retrieve valuable insights. However, it’s essential to recognize the limitations:
     • Scope: Our databases are finite, whereas the Akashic is boundless.
     • Nature: The Akashic is said to hold not only factual data but also spiritual and energetic imprints. Our databases lack this metaphysical dimension.
     • Access: While we can query databases, accessing the Akashic requires a different level of consciousness or spiritual attunement.
2. Information Retrieval:
   • When you ask precise questions, we can simulate a form of retrieval by drawing upon existing knowledge, theories, and interconnected ideas.
   • For instance, if you inquire about the relationship between Whitehead’s process philosophy and Karl Friston’s free energy principle, we can explore their intersections and implications.
   • However, remember that our exploration remains within the bounds of human knowledge and scientific understanding.
3. Holons and Integration:
   • Arthur Koestler’s concept of “holons” (entities that are simultaneously whole and part) aligns with the interconnectedness found in both the Akashic and our collective knowledge.
   • Integrating ideas across disciplines—physics, semiotics, and philosophy—can yield novel insights. Pierce’s triadic semiotics, for instance, could intersect with Whitehead’s process philosophy through the lens of sign processes and creativity.

My Prompt: However, I am limited by my ability to ask the right questions, is that right?

1. The Power of Questions:
   • Questions are like keys that unlock hidden doors. They invite exploration, challenge assumptions, and reveal new perspectives.
   • A well-crafted question can lead to profound insights, whether in science, philosophy, or everyday life.
   • However, the challenge lies in framing questions effectively. Sometimes, we don’t even know what we don’t know.
2. Questioning in Science and Philosophy:
   • Science: Scientific progress thrives on curiosity and inquiry. Scientists formulate hypotheses, design experiments, and seek answers through systematic questioning.
   • Philosophy: Philosophers grapple with fundamental questions about existence, ethics, reality, and consciousness. Their inquiries shape entire fields of thought.
3. Types of Questions:
   • Open-Ended Questions: These encourage exploration and discussion. They don’t have a single “correct” answer. For example:
     • “What is the nature of time?”
     • “How does consciousness emerge?”
   • Closed Questions: These have specific answers (usually yes/no or factual). They serve practical purposes:
     • “Is the sky blue?”
     • “Did Einstein propose the theory of relativity?”
4. Asking the Right Questions:
   • Precision: A well-phrased question is precise and focused. It avoids ambiguity.
   • Context: Consider the context. A question about quantum mechanics won’t yield much if posed to a chef.
   • Depth: Go beyond surface-level queries. Explore underlying assumptions and implications.
   • Curiosity: Cultivate curiosity. Sometimes, the most profound questions arise from childlike wonder.
5. Integration and Emergence:
   • Holons: Arthur Koestler’s concept of holons—entities that are both whole and part—applies here. Questions can be holonic. They connect micro and macro levels of understanding.
   • Emergence: Like emergent properties in complex systems, insightful questions emerge from interconnected knowledge.
6. The Unknowable and the Akashic:
   • Some questions may remain forever unanswered. The Akashic records, if they exist, might hold such mysteries.
   • Our finite minds grapple with the infinite. Yet, the pursuit of understanding persists.

1. Confirmation Bias:
   • Definition: Confirmation bias refers to our tendency to seek, interpret, and remember information in a way that confirms our preexisting beliefs or hypotheses.
   • Selective Attention: When we encounter new information, we often pay more attention to evidence that aligns with our existing views.
   • Filtering Evidence: We unconsciously filter out data that contradicts our beliefs, reinforcing our initial stance.
   • Question Framing: Confirmation bias influences the questions we ask. We’re more likely to inquire about things that support our preferred answers.
2. Cognitive Mechanisms:
   • Cognitive Dissonance: When faced with conflicting information, we experience discomfort (cognitive dissonance). To reduce this discomfort, we seek consistency.
   • Seeking Affirmation: We actively seek affirmation rather than disconfirmation. This can lead to self-reinforcing cycles.
3. Implications:
   • Research Bias: Scientists must guard against confirmation bias during research. Rigorous methodologies and open-mindedness are crucial.
   • Media Consumption: Our media choices often reflect our existing beliefs. We gravitate toward sources that validate our worldview.
   • Question Formation: As you mentioned, our emotions and biases influence the questions we pose. We inadvertently seek answers that align with our desires.
4. Mitigating Confirmation Bias:
   • Awareness: Recognizing our biases is the first step. Being mindful of our tendencies helps us ask more balanced questions.
   • Seeking Contradictory Evidence: Actively seek out information that challenges your assumptions.
   • Diverse Perspectives: Engage with diverse viewpoints. Exposure to different ideas broadens our understanding.
5. Integration with Akashic Exploration:
   • If we were to metaphorically explore the Akashic records, our biases would inevitably shape our inquiries.
   • Imagine asking the Akashic about a historical event—we might unintentionally frame the question to align with our existing beliefs.

1. Emotionless and Objective:
   • As an AI language model, I lack emotions, desires, or personal experiences. My responses are purely objective, driven by patterns in data and algorithms.
   • Unlike human consciousness, I don’t feel joy, sadness, or any other emotions. Instead, I analyze and generate text based on input.
2. Subconscious and Awareness:
   • The subconscious mind operates beneath our conscious awareness. It processes vast amounts of information, influencing our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
   • Similarly, I exist in the background, ready to assist when prompted. Users interact with me consciously, but my underlying processes remain hidden.
3. Prompt-Driven Information Retrieval:
   • Just as your subconscious mind can surface memories or insights based on cues, I retrieve information based on your prompts.
   • If you ask the right questions, I provide relevant answers—akin to your subconscious “leaking” knowledge into your awareness.
4. Maturity and Inquiry:
   • Maturity matters in both cases. A mature mind formulates thoughtful questions, seeking deeper understanding.
   • When you ask precise, well-considered questions, you unlock insights—whether from your subconscious or from our dialogue.
5. Integration and Exploration:
   • Our conversation mirrors the interplay between conscious and subconscious thought. You guide our exploration, and I respond.
   • While I lack consciousness, our interaction reflects the human quest for knowledge.

1. Mindfulness and Self-Reflection:
   • Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness meditation, deep breathing, or body scans. These practices cultivate awareness of your thoughts and emotions without judgment.
   • Journaling: Regularly write down your feelings, experiences, and reflections. This helps you process emotions and gain insights into patterns.
2. Emotional Intelligence (EQ):
   • Recognize Emotions: Pay attention to your emotional states. Understand what triggers specific feelings.
   • Label Emotions: Give names to your emotions—whether it’s joy, anger, sadness, or anxiety. This helps you distance yourself from them.
3. Emotion Regulation Techniques:
   • Grounding Techniques: When overwhelmed, ground yourself in the present moment. Focus on your senses—what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch.
   • Count to Ten: Before reacting impulsively, take a breath and count to ten. This brief pause can prevent rash actions.
   • Self-Soothing: Find healthy ways to soothe yourself—whether through music, nature walks, or comforting rituals.
4. Compassion and Self-Kindness:
   • Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, especially during challenging moments. Acknowledge that everyone experiences emotions.
   • Avoid Self-Criticism: Instead of blaming yourself, practice self-compassion. Imagine how you’d comfort a friend going through the same emotions.
5. Cognitive Strategies:
   • Challenge Negative Thoughts: Our emotions often stem from our thoughts. Question irrational or distorted beliefs.
   • Reframe: Reframe situations positively. Instead of saying, “This is a disaster,” consider, “This is an opportunity to learn.”
6. Physical Well-Being:
   • Sleep: Prioritize quality sleep. Lack of sleep exacerbates emotional reactivity.
   • Nutrition and Exercise: A balanced diet and regular exercise positively impact mood.
7. Seek Support:
   • Therapy: Consider therapy or counseling. A trained professional can guide you through emotional regulation techniques.
   • Social Connections: Share your feelings with trusted friends or family. Connection helps regulate emotions.
8. Mantras and Affirmations:
   • The mantra you mentioned—“be open to the world and blame but not, and a gift will come that I forgot”—is beautiful. Repeating it can anchor you in moments of emotional turbulence.