Mercury type low water cut off

FMF: Deals, Discussions, and Reviews

2010.12.17 14:39 FMF: Deals, Discussions, and Reviews

The place for coupons, discounts, sales, and deals when it comes to male fashion. Visit the Wiki for more information regarding guides, stores, and tailoring help.
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2017.08.15 19:28 Objective ratings and pragmatic guidance

The purpose of this sub is to provide facial ratings of both men and women based on *objective factors* such as harmony, sexual dimorphism, symmetry, and qualities of their features. This means analyzing/evaluating a person’s attractiveness without regard for one’s own feelings. This is not a subjective rating sub.
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2013.04.12 04:04 JasonRodricks Camping Deals: Gear, Deals, Discussions, and Reviews

The place for coupons, discounts, sales, and deals when it comes to camping gear. Gear recommendations and discussion/reviews of products also encouraged! We're currently trying to grow our community so please share with your friends and family!
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2024.05.21 15:34 spherocytes Chronic illness is so insidiously restrictive.

Being in healthcare, I knew that my life was going to change forever after being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (which I suspected I had before I was even diagnosed). I also knew that I could take steps to limit the disease progression and its side effects. I already ate healthy and exercised regularly before my official diagnosis but afterwards I focused even more on cutting out excessive simple sugars/high-starch/fatty foods, moving more often even when I wasn’t ‘officially’ exercising during my regimen (which I upped in intensity and duration), eating a more plant-based and low-carb diet, and drinking water regularly. I also made sure to take my medications and have regular checkups. All of this to say? I managed to get my disease down to clinical remission. My CRP and symptoms are essentially non-existent.
So I should be ‘free’, right?
But when I was binge-watching silly, YouTube videos (think mom-like homemaking content just because I wanted to broaden my horizons for cooking and housekeeping and it's one of my entertainment, guilty-pleasures), one of the creators mentioned something.
“I can’t get access to a lot of new or specific things because I live in the middle of nowhere and so I have to special order it.”
And that hit me like a TON of bricks.
While I may be able to financially move anywhere I want to in the future with my career in healthcare? Realistically speaking for my overall health? With this disease? Where I am able to go is limited and will likely be confined to areas with 1) large populations as those are where dedicated specialists tend to be most readily available and 2) at least 45 min. within range of a major metropolis with the most essential of services.
Because how will I get my meds quickly if I somehow run out/lose them unexpectedly? What if I need emergency services from a complication? How do I keep my diet as regimented as I can without spending an arm and a leg and hoping that I can find what I need and move about safely without having to wait for months for it to potentially be in stock? For exercise, what if I need special gym equipment and a trainer and need safe, paved roads to move around? Where can I be so that I’m not waiting up to a year for the single specialist in a rural area to see me? What if I need a home-aid or house cleaning ASAP if I have a flareup even in remission? Specialized delivery also is limited in distant areas too.
I used to dream of living semi-off-the-grid rural area (not completely but just isolated) but now? Realistically that’s likely not going to be the case. Not if I want to maintain a safe, accessible, and decent quality of life as the disease inevitably progresses while I get older.
All of this to say? I’m happy with my life, truly. I’m so glad I’m technically in remission and doing well overall. But knowing that these complications are always lurking in the background and are something I have to think about is frustrating. Obviously we adjust and adapt but it just makes me realize
To be honest, I’m not sure why I wrote this all out. I guess it’s just because… even if you’re doing well, there’s always reminders of how this disease will be a constant and impact your life in so many different ways. So probably just an emotional vent and also a commiseration amongst those that get it.
And if you stayed and read this entire essay, thank you. I appreciate being able to vent to a community that gets it. RA (and other chronic diseases) can be so invisible and overlooked since it’s so ‘common’ in women and often brushed off as ‘just arthritis’ when it’s so much more.
submitted by spherocytes to ChronicIllness [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:32 RedditUserGoesHere Help for my arrowhead!

Help for my arrowhead!
Hello!
Been having this syngonium for slightly over half a year. Was originally a much larger plant (think 10-12 leaves) grown in an ice cream tub 1/3 the current pot size. As a new plant owner, went a little too overzealous on the watering and it started to wilt.
Managed to salvage a small cutting (2 leaves with some roots, rotted parts snipped off) and planted in the current pot with half the amount of soil you see in this picture. Went well for about 3 months with minimal watering (once or twice a week, approx. 90ml or 3 fl oz each time when the moisture probe said the soil was dry). Grew from 2 leaves to 3 + 1 new leaf shoot you see in this picture. They were perfectly green & beautiful leaves
As the new shoot was taking more than a month to unfurl, I removed the soil to inspect the roots. As suspected, roots didn’t grow much from when I first put it in. After consulting some resources online, it seemed like the cause was the soil being too dry on overall most of the time due to my watering schedule.
Hence, to accommodate the bigger plant + in an effort to stimulate root growth, I added more soil and gave it a one time thorough watering (watered entire pot and allowed water to fully drain out through bottom).
After that, I didn’t have to water the plant for 2 weeks as the moisture probe kept showing the soil as wet. However at the end of the 2nd week, the plant started to show signs of underwatering (droopy leaf, yellowing around edges). I added the normal 90ml of water thereafter, and now the yellow parts have gotten bigger, and the tips are starting to turn brown as well?
Can any kind soul help to advise what went wrong and how I can fix it? - Was it overwatered? - Is it too much soil? - How do I save it?
It’s placed by the window, indoors, almost no direct sunlight. Thank you!
submitted by RedditUserGoesHere to plantclinic [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:28 spherocytes This disease is so insidiously restrictive

Being in healthcare, I knew that my life was going to change forever after being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (which I suspected I had before I was even diagnosed). I also knew that I could take steps to limit the disease progression and its side effects. I already ate healthy and exercised regularly before my official diagnosis but afterwards I focused even more on cutting out excessive simple sugars/high-starch/fatty foods, moving more often even when I wasn’t ‘officially’ exercising during my regimen (which I upped in intensity and duration), eating a more plant-based and low-carb diet, and drinking water regularly. I also made sure to take my medications and have regular checkups. All of this to say? I managed to get my disease down to clinical remission. My CRP and symptoms are essentially non-existent.
So I should be ‘free’, right?
But when I was binge-watching silly, YouTube videos (think mom-like homemaking content just because I wanted to broaden my horizons for cooking and housekeeping and it's one of my entertainment, guilty-pleasures), one of the creators mentioned something.
“I can’t get access to a lot of new or specific things because I live in the middle of nowhere and so I have to special order it.”
And that hit me like a TON of bricks.
While I may be able to financially move anywhere I want to in the future with my career in healthcare? Realistically speaking for my overall health? With this disease? Where I am able to go is limited and will likely be confined to areas with 1) large populations as those are where dedicated specialists tend to be most readily available and 2) at least 45 min. within range of a major metropolis with the most essential of services.
Because how will I get my meds quickly if I somehow run out/lose them unexpectedly? What if I need emergency services from a complication? How do I keep my diet as regimented as I can without spending an arm and a leg and hoping that I can find what I need and move about safely without having to wait for months for it to potentially be in stock? For exercise, what if I need special gym equipment and a trainer and need safe, paved roads to move around? Where can I be so that I’m not waiting up to a year for the single specialist in a rural area to see me? What if I need a home-aid or house cleaning ASAP if I have a flareup even in remission? Specialized delivery also is limited in distant areas too.
I used to dream of living semi-off-the-grid rural area (not completely but just isolated) but now? Realistically that’s likely not going to be the case. Not if I want to maintain a safe, accessible, and decent quality of life as the disease inevitably progresses while I get older.
All of this to say? I’m happy with my life, truly. I’m so glad I’m technically in remission and doing well overall. But knowing that these complications are always lurking in the background and are something I have to think about is frustrating. Obviously we adjust and adapt but it just makes me realize
To be honest, I’m not sure why I wrote this all out. I guess it’s just because… even if you’re doing well, there’s always reminders of how this disease will be a constant and impact your life in so many different ways. So probably just an emotional vent and also a commiseration amongst those that get it.
And if you stayed and read this entire essay, thank you. I appreciate being able to vent to a community that gets it. RA can be so invisible and overlooked since it’s so ‘common’ in women and often brushed off as ‘just arthritis’ when it’s so much more.
submitted by spherocytes to rheumatoid [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:27 upbstock 2% inflation?

Fed Governor Waller says progress toward 2% inflation 'likely resumed' 
In a speech at the Peterson Institute for International Economics, Fed Board of Governors member and a 2024 FOMC voting member Christopher Waller stated: "After a run of great data in the latter half of 2023, it seemed that significant progress on inflation would continue and that rate cuts were not far off. However, the first three months of 2024 threw cold water on that outlook, as data on both inflation and economic activity came in much hotter than anticipated. Initially it seemed like the bad data might be simply a "bump" in the road, but as the data continued to point in the wrong direction, the narrative quickly turned towards concerns that the economy was not cooling as needed to keep inflation moving down toward the Federal Open Market Committee's (FOMC) 2 percent goal. Progress on inflation appeared to have stalled and there were fears that it might even be accelerating. Suddenly, the public debate became whether monetary policy was restrictive enough and if rate hikes should be back on the table. But more recent data on the economy indicate that restrictive monetary policy is helping to cool off aggregate demand and the inflation data for April suggests that progress toward 2 percent has likely resumed. Central bankers should never say never, but the data suggests that inflation isn't accelerating, and I believe that further increases in the policy rate are probably unnecessary.
submitted by upbstock to Optionmillionaires [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:27 ToniaHarding With windows with shiny metallic blackout cling film applied is there a risk of the glass cracking due to sunlight bending/being concentrated into 1 spot? Especially sunny days in winter?

In a review of window cling film on Amazon, a customer wrote that the film broke their glass! I don't remember which product it was and I don't feel like spending the time to search for it.
The only way I can think of this happening is if the sun was especially bright that day, and the glossiness of the window cling film caused the sunglight to bend at such an angle to become concentrated and thus make a hot spot on the glass where the other areas of the glass remained relatively cool/cold. (Or maybe they just pressed to hard with the scoremetal razor tool when trying to cut the film to size.)
Should I be worried about my window on my third-floor, north-facing apartment getting cracked by sunlight being reflected by window cling film, perhaps aluminum-foil lined window cling?
I should also not that just outside my bedroom window is the fourth floor balcony, which acts as the ceiling/roof for my third floor balcony, which I'm guessing would prevent some sunlight from touching my glass, the way the brim of a baseball cap or visor would keep not all but most of the sunlight from reaching your eyeballs.
I haven't purchased any window cling film yet. So I don't know what types and brands I'll be getting. But you can type in "Window cling film" into Amazon or eBay and see many different brands.
But I'd like to get a "blinds pattern" white type (because this is the type that mimics the look of venetian blinds), and put that one on first. I'd put it on the inner side of my bedroom window. This is so that I'd be obeying my strata rules that call for all occupants to have similar-looking window treatments, so that the building looks uniform from afar. My apartment came with light (white? beige? light grey? off-white?) venetian blinds, and it appears to me that all the other residents of my building have these same blinds.
Then, in order to block out as much sunlight as possible from entering my room, as well as to block heat since I'm worried about surviving a potential heat wave, I'd put aluminum or other metallic-looking or matte black window cling film on top of it, and/or that heat-abating window cling film.
It's not just Amazon that sells these; I've seen them at brick-and-mortar hardware stores too, though they only sell the heat-abating ones, and tinted (only partial blackout; not 100% blackout), and privacy ones. I haven't seen any blinds pattern ones at my local hardware stores.
I work the night/graveyard shift. So I sleep during the day. In Canada.
submitted by ToniaHarding to Optics [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:27 Bosslayer9001 Getting a job sucks ass

For context, I'm a 16-year-old living in "socialist" Vietnam. For the uninitiated, you must think that we're a bunch of commies who're still singing praise about Mr. Ho Chi Minh whilst fighting off Agent Orange in guerilla warfare. If that's the case, then, oh boy, you couldn't be any further from the truth.
Last summer break, my dad offered me a position at a traditional Vietnamese food restaurant in the local AEON Mall branch for a month. He said that it would give me good work experience and color my CV, which I agreed with at the time. And so, like the 'pride of the family' that I was (yes, adults call all of their eldest/most academically adept children this in Vietnam), I decided to take him up on his offer. And, despite everything I've read about 9-5s on Reddit, nothing could've prepared me for actually experiencing it myself.
Firstly, the hours are actually 8:30-17:00, so that's 30 extra minutes compared to the average. Secondly, you're supposed to work 7 days a week. Yep, you heard that right. SEVEN. Their rationale was that since we worked in the service sector, we needed to work even on break days to maximize our output as that's when traffic is at its peak. And the best part? We weren't supposed to get ANY days off even on public holidays, because, guess what, that's when everybody goes out to eat. And, for as much as I hated it, I couldn't deny what they were saying. After all, I myself have been guilty of going to restaurants before on holidays with my family, so I am painfully aware of the fact that somebody still had to work their asses off to give us a good time. In this case, I got to place myself into one of these people's shoes for once.
And that's just the time factor. The people there were... well, let's just say that I had a better time just not interacting with any of them in the first place. Like, I get it, you're very worn down just like I am and I'm a rookie making mistakes and messing stuff up, but you don't have to be such a cunt about it. Even I manage to keep a poker face about me almost every day, and yet I'M supposed to be part of the demographic that was known for their erratic mood swings! I swear, only, like, 3 of the employees there had a shred of sympathy in their entire bodies, which didn't make it any easier for me to contort my face into a grin every time I served a customer. Honestly, it's one of the rare cases where the manager had a more likable and understanding personality than his subordinates, which, uh, isn't saying a whole lot, to be frank.
Not to mention the work itself. Somehow, serving there managed to require a lot of finesse to not topple over the tray stacked to the brim with wine glasses and constant physical labor while being mind-numbingly boring. The health and safety regulations there were practically non-existent, and it really showed when I got a nasty cut on my fingertip while skinning some of the hardest-to-peel fruits I'd ever encountered in my entire life. Normally, I'd expect to get at least a break to recover, but NOOO... they just told me to slap on a bandage and get on with it DESPITE the injury I had. Needless to say, I quickly excused myself and found better luck sweeping the floor instead, but that one experience really set in stone for me just how little people cared about each other when push came to shove.
Now, you must be thinking, "Well, at least you're getting paid for it." Yeah, at 24000 VND per hour, no less. For context, that is equivalent to just under a dollar an hour, which goes to show just how fantastic the economic circumstances are in Vietnam. The last saving grace is gone. Whoops.
And the worst part about all of this is... I am still extremely PRIVILEGED compared to the average person in Vietnam. My parents are both start-up owners, so I get to live quite comfortably without having to worry about food or electricity bills, unlike many others less fortunate than I. But knowing that I'm better off compared to so many people doesn't inspire gratitude or confidence in me. It only makes me feel ashamed to be living in such a world, where the only true winner is inevitable decay and the rest of us are playing the part of the fool. Even the ones at the top.
What I went through was like a bucket of ice water in my face, making me realize just how inconsequential my childhood joys truly are. "Remember the good times", huh? Kiss my ass. Good luck following your own advice while dealing with a seemingly endless horde of customers while trying to steady your shaking arms carrying a tray to the other fucking side of the restaurant. So many people keep telling me that I'm too cynical and negative, but you know what? I bet a majority of them have never actually worked a full-time job before. Seeing them get proven wrong only further reinforces my beliefs that adulthood is not an age of freedom for most like it is advertised in Vietnam, but rather one of monotony and frustration, watching as any semblance of a spark or flair in you gets slowly and methodically washed away until everything around you becomes white noise. And that's me just after ONE MONTH of that shit. I can't even imagine how much pain I'd be in if I had to do that for the rest of my life.
If this is the kind of stuff I had to go through just to get by, then I really don't see the appeal in the state of living over the state of being dead. Like, if I'm such a burden to society and this world to the point where I have to inflict torture upon myself daily just to repay my debts and earn the right to exist, then what reason do I have for sticking around in a world that clearly doesn't want me? What's so good about living when "treading water" is the best the average person like me can hope for? The fact that people have to convince themselves that life is worth living with motivational quotes and thought-ending cliches really rubs me the wrong way, and now I'm not even sure whether they're trying to help others or trying to convince themselves. Sorry if I'm being too "edgy" or whatever for you, by the way. You can always just NOT read this if it bothers you that much.
Anyway, that's enough rambling from me for now. This summer holiday, my dad wants me to do it all over again. And you know what? I will. Because it's the best shot I have at increasing my chances of making it in this twisted place we call reality. Maybe, if I'm lucky enough, I'll find a different place to work in with less bullshit hours and more acceptable working conditions. I'll take anything at this point. Oh, and before I go... sorry for wasting your time, but you brought this upon yourself.
submitted by Bosslayer9001 to findapath [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:21 unavngiven My mom died... [Very long post]

This is my first reddit post, although I have been a long time lurker of many subreddits. I am 23 years old and an only child. I am not a native english speaker, so please forgive any weird formatting or any spelling/grammar mistakes.
As the title states, my mom died ... and I am currently writing this to try and process this whole situation. I've tried to section all the paragraphs in chronological order, to make reading easier. Sorry for the extremely long post - I just needed to get it all out.
We only just celebrated her 60th birthday back in february. She did all the cooking, cleaning and planning without any trouble - even down to picking out the perfect napkins and flowers for her white and gold theme.
My mother was without a job. She had been jobless for almost 2 years now, after she was fired from her old cleaning job due to frequent sick days because of stomach cramps and pain. She was seen by a doctor back in 2022 for her stomach aches, and they found no physical cause - hence why we concluded it must've been due to stress. The stress and stomach pains subsided after she'd been fired. So we thought no more of it.
In march she was doing a 4-week internship in a local supermarket to see if she might've been a good fit for a permanent paid position. This is common practice for unemployeed people here in Denmark.
My mother started having stomach pains again during this internship, soon followed by back pains as well. She figured this was due to her spending most of the day sitting as a cashier in an uncomfortable position. My mother wasn't very tall, so she had trouble reaching the floor pedals that control the cashier conveyer belt.
In the beginning of april, she went to the doctor. Her stomach and back pains hadn't gone away although the internship was over. Her doctor also concluded it was most likely due to her uncomfortable working position, and that it would pass in a few weeks time. The doctor did some bloodwork, and found that she was severely lacking vitamin D, but nothing else seemed concerning at the time.
In the middle of april, her pains had only gotten worse, and she went to the doctor again. Her doctor did more bloodwork, and did a phisycal exam of my mothers stomach. Her doctor ordered a CT scan to check for anything serious.
19th of april. I accompany my mother to the hospital for her CT scan. We get told that we'll have the results in a week or so. My mother is not looking good when I pick her up at the bus station. She is more pale than usual, and has trouble walking at her usual pace.
23th of april. My mother received a referral to a meeting at the hospital with a doctor and nurse, to discuss the results of the CT scan. This referral is sent from the hospitals cancer department. My mother and I speak on the phone, she is concerned, but I tell her that this type of referral must just be standard pratice, and that she shouldn't worry untill we have spoken with the doctor. I cried that night.
25th of april. The day before her meeting with the doctor, I received a phone call from my mother. She tells me that she had fallen while at home, but that I shouldn't worry. I, of course, worry.
I pack my things and leave for my mothers house, I live an hour away by bus. When I finally arrive my mother seems okay-ish, but the house is another story. My mother is normally known for being a clean freak, and her house has always been clean and organized, But it wasn't anymore.
Her kitchen was a mess, and the dishwasher hadn't been empited or loaded for at least two weeks. Her bathroom is even worse, and I won't even begin to describe the state of the toilet it self. It is a sight that will horrify me for the rest of my life. I cleaned everything, while my mother rested.
My mother had also started sleeping on the guest bed, saying her own was too uncomfortable for her.
While cleaning the bathroom, my mother wakes up. Despite her state, she says she wants to help. But before I can even tell her no, my mother has another fall. Her legs essentially just crumble beneath her, and she falls backwards and lands head first on the floor. We argue back and forth about calling an ambulance, but she refuses to let me - so I don't, even though I should have. I guess I still respected my moms authority too much.
My mother lives alone, as my parents are divorced (they are very good friends though). My mother refuses to let me call my dad and tell him about this whole situation. She is stubborn and too proud to admit defeat.
26th of april. We take a taxi to the hospital. The taxi driver has a help my mother into the car. During the carride my mother says very little, but seems slightly delirious and very tired. When we arrive at the hospital, I quickly borrow a hospital wheelchair for my mother. She is almost unable to walk unassisted at this point.
After waiting for a while in the waiting area, a nurse comes and guides us to a meeting room. My mother is very tired at this point, and still delirious, and I have to handle most of the conversation with the doctor.
The CT scan results showed Pancreatic cancer. The cancer had already spread to her liver and abdomial cavity.
I had read about this cancer a few days prior, trying to figure out what was wrong with my mother. I knew what this meant, and I knew that it was effectively a death sentence. The doctor told us that an operation was out of the question, since the cancer had already spread. And due to the clearly weak state of my mothers health, chemo would also not be offered, as it would finish her.
I told the doctor of her two falls and the state of her home, and that she would not be safe on her own. The doctor had her admitted to a nearby bed department for stomach- and gastrointestinal surgery patients.
The hospital did a ton of bloodwork on my mother when she got admitted, and everything was off. All numbers were either too high or dangerously low. My mothers health was in fact so bad, that I was told she was a heart attack risk. I was also told that if a heart attack happened, she would not be brought back - as it would only prolong a very short and painful life.
I called my dad.
27th of april. My mother slept most of the day.
28th of april. My mother had another fall during the night, trying to get to the bathroom.
29th of april. My dad shows up to the hospital. He wasn't able to get off work until now, as he works in the other end of the country. He is shocked to see my mother in this state. We are told once again by a different doctor that nothing can be done. They are looking into getting her a spot at a nearby hospice.
The rest of the remaining week is spent in hospital. My dad and I are by my mothers side every day. She doesn't leave her hospital room, apart from a few times a day for a smoke break outside. My dad and I take her outside in a wheelchair, which she needs help to get in and out of.
Her bloodwork is showing some slight improvements, but she is still having trouble with infections and receives a lot of antibiotics. She eats like a mouse, but drinks a lot of fluids.
My mother is often very confused or tired most days. She gets referred for an MR scan, to see if the cancer has spread to her brain, or if one of her falls has caused permanent damage. Lucikly the MR scan shows that nothing is wrong with her brain.
She gets confused about her diagnosis a few times, thinking that she had brain cancer instead due to the MR scan. I have to remind her a couple times about what the doctor actually said.
6th of may. My mother seems to have stabilized somewhat so my dad has gone back to work.
7th of may. I get told by the hospital staff that my mother is to be transferred to a different hospital, which is one hour away. I become very upset by this news, and unfortunately yell at one of my mothers nurses in frustration. I yell at her that It'll be harder for me to get to my mother in time if something were to happen. I am ashamed of this childish behavior, as the transfer was the best desicion for my mother in hindsight.
I leave with my mother as we get transferred to the new hospital and their department of palliative care.
I am very ashamed by my behavior to my mothers old nurse, as this department for palliative care was truly the best place for my mother. She seemed very satisfied and happy to have been transferred. They have a large garden with wild flowers, and lovely staff. And my mother got a much bigger room all to herself. She also meets with their physical therapist, who helps my mother relieve some of her pain.
My mother and I have dinner together in the evening in her hospital room. My mom is her old self, although with some delayed speaking. I unfortunately have to rush a bit when leaving, as to not miss my bus home, so I quickly say goodbye to her and leave.
8th of may. In the morning on my way to the new hospital, I received a phone call from her new doctor. My mothers liver has suddenly started to fail due to the cancer. When I arrive, she is asleep. I am told she wont wake up again.
I called my dad, but he wont arrive until the evening, due to the distance from his workplace.
I spend most of the day in my mothers hospital room, listening to her sleep. She occasionally attempts to cough in her sleep, but it mainly just sounds like yells. It is terrifying. The nurses give her pain medication and some sleep medication to help her body relax.
My dad arrives in the late evening. We drive to my mothers house and stay the night there. We spend most of the late evening looking at pictures and scrapbooks of my mother, and packing a bag with clothes for her, for when she passes.
When prepareing the guest bed for my dad, we find a blanket that my mother slept on. It is stained, matching the previous state of the bathroom. We throw the blanket out.
9th of may. Mom is sleeping. Dad and I spend the day at the hospital, but we don't sit in her hospital room. It is too eerie and uncomfortable. We check on her occassionally. Towards the evening, her breathing becomes slightly more rapid and quick. But the nurses tell us to go home. There is no reason for us to sit by her side during the night - as it'll only make it worse for us.
10th of may. I wake at 6.12 am to my phone ringing. It is a nurse. My mother has passed away in her sleep at 6.05 that morning due to liver failure. My dad and I drive to the hospital. I am the first to see her body after the nurses prepared and dressed it in the clothing we picked.
(warning: the following paragraph may be slightly upsetting to some readers)
It it eerie and uncomfortable to see my mother like this. A symptom of pancreatic and liver cancers is that your skin will yellow. Something that I hadn't noticed in my mother till now. I cant help but think that she looks like a wax doll, although I feel horrible for thinking it. I finally touch her hand, after gathering the courage to, almost like I am afraid to distrub her. Her hands are cold, and only get colder as I sit by her side. I am supposed to say my goodbyes to her, and tell her how much she means to me, but in this moment I am speechless. I can't say anything, even on my mothers deathbed. I feels wrong to speak to a corpse. I should've said those things while she could hear them instead. I kiss her forehead before I leave the room.
17th of may. Funeral. The church and casket was beautifully decorated with colorful flowers, like my mother had requested. She didn't want anything white or depressing. I cried all the way through the funeral service, stopping only when it was time to carry the casket out. My dad on the left side, and me on the right, and some other family members behind us. Purple rain by Prince was played on the church piano as we carried the casket. I knew the casket would be heavy, but nothing prepared me for the sheer weight of that thing.
21th of may. Today. I don't really know what to think of my mothers death. Some days I almost forget that shes gone or that all this has been happening, until something reminds me of it.
In a way, I am thankful. Of course I didn't want my mother to die, but I'm glad that her suffering wasn't prolonged for months while she slowly withered away to cancer. And I'm thankful that my mother didn't live to suffer from alzheimers, like her own mother. And I am glad that if anything, my mothers death has brought my dad and I closer.
But at the same time, I am angry that she didn't get to live more of her life. She was only 60 years old, and should have had 20 more years at least. If she at least was 70, it might've been easier to lose her but I doubt it.
I think mostly of all the things she will miss out on, which saddens me the most. I am 23 and my mother wont get to see most of my life or my achivements. If I have kids, she'll never meet them, and she I get married, she'll never see it. My 24th birthday is coming up soon, and I don't know how I'll handle that day without my mother for the first time - or christmas for that matter.
I want my mom.
submitted by unavngiven to GriefSupport [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:20 Ok-Mycologist-5371 Loud booster pump

Loud booster pump
3/4” copper in to 1” copper out.
Been using this BurCam booster pump for my city water.
It functions great, this is my 2nd one in 5 years.
I like the volume for my irrigation, but it’s just so loud.
Would adding a tank help? So it’s not on and off so Much?
Or any suggestions on a reliable quiet one?
I’d also be fine if this one only ran for the irrigation And another for the house.
At the end of the day, willing to spend 💰 for a reliable low noise system!
submitted by Ok-Mycologist-5371 to Plumbing [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:15 zytukin Symptoms of low blood sugar when it's high?

I don't get it. I was diagnosed with type 2 in 2015 and been on numerous pills like Janumet and Metformin since. I cut carbs and exercise a lot, and often when I feel shaky, weak, and light headed I'll check my blood sugar and it will be over 200. Eat a candy bar and I immediately feel fine again.
Explained this to both my previous doctor and my current one and they seem complacent about it, like they think "oh well, doesn't matter", or maybe think I'm just lieing.
It leads me to not wanting to take my pills, not wanting to avoid carbs, and not being worried about having diabetes since I feel like I have low blood sugar when my blood sugar is elevated.
What is going on? Anybody else experience something like this? Do I actually have diabetes or something else causing elevated blood sugar?
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and even now that I'm over 40 I still have a very high energy level when it comes to physical activity. Is it possible to just have a naturally higher than normal blood sugar level?
submitted by zytukin to diabetes [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:11 Low_Finance_4297 Kobe 6 “Dark Knight” KB batch review. + my current basketball shoe rotation.

Kobe 6 “Dark Knight” KB batch review. + my current basketball shoe rotation.
Kobe 6 “Performance Review”
Looks - Not the best looking on hand, but when on feet looks amazing. Had a lot of compliments. I would say S2 still looks a bit better. Ngl i expected more w/ the looks.
Example: Kobe tongue logo is not pressed on the material, insole stitched not properly stitched, laces too thin and a bit short
Grade: C+
Traction - great traction, no complaints. even w/ dusty court the traction stayed intact
Grade: A+
Feel/Fit: feels low to the ground and soft as-well w/ the two zoom air bags on the forefoot and heel felt amazing. Im using Archies Sports Insole. Made heaps improvement w/ the fit. made it a bit loose as the size 8.5 w/ normal insoles felt a bit too snug for my liking
Grade: A
Durability - Still TBA. i have played a full 3 games w/ this shoe. and it’s holding up great so far. despite the defect insole stitching. the shoe is really ++ Good.
Grade: TBA
I am 5’7 62KG guard. that can play 3 levels. not really explosive but is quick and fast. does a lot of cuts and off ball too.
I would recommend these KB/MX Batch shoes.
Shout to - KBCustoms/KBSneakers: Ordered these bad boys and nil regrets.
FYI - Last pic is my basketball shoe rotation. what ya think?
Retail: Curry 10, Lebron 20, Kobe 5, Book 1, BB trilliant CX-SGA, Gt cut 2 book, Sabrina 1
Reps: Kobe 6
First time buying reps and i would say, not bad. rep technology really caught up with retails. #Facts
submitted by Low_Finance_4297 to KobeReps [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:10 Business-Break-8668 TRADE NOW

IHave
AFRO:
MELODIC:
submitted by Business-Break-8668 to unreleasedIDAfrohouse [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:06 sockmunkie22 [UPDATE 2] AITJ for cutting my SIL out of my life, even if it upsets the family norms?

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/AmITheJerk/comments/1csum48/aitj_for_cutting_my_sil_out_of_my_life_even_if_it/
Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/AmITheJerk/comments/1cu5yfv/update_1_aitj_for_cutting_my_sil_out_of_my_life/
So as ya'll know, Myself, Fern and Tom had planned some Mother's Day gifts for MIL. I gotta admit, I was worried that Margaret would show up and ruin the whole thing, but it was actually a surprisingly good day- mostly because she wasn't there, which was the OBVIOUS elephant in the room the whole time. Tom worked the grill for a while and we had MIL open the gifts I had planned - it was a small pirate chest filled with letters from Myself, Fern, and Tom telling her how wonderful of a mother she was (I had aged them and weathered them to look waterlogged and like they'd been around for a long time). I made her a boondoggle that said "number one mom" that had our names dangling from it. She opened the collage...the whole thing left her in happy tears, which was nice but also sad at the same time. She said "OP, you're such a shit for making me cry" then gave me a big hug. MIL started to talk about it all ("It's been really rough and I've been having a really hard time"), but it was cut off by the men fussing over the grill. I made the rest of lunch and we had a really, really good time for the most part.
I clocked FIL's behavior in Margaret's absence. He wandered off into the yard and stood by himself for extended periods of time, staring at the ground in silence. I registered it as pain- I'm not gonna lie, it was PALPABLE how much easier and fun and quiet the afternoon was with Margaret being intentionally excluded. I could tell that MIL really needed to talk about what was going on, especially since she was being absolutely flooded with love (in stark contrast to what she's been receiving from Margaret). I approached her towards the end of the evening- she revealed to me what she had put in the letter. Essentially, it reads something like this.
"dear Margaret- I am sorry that we are having such a hard time seeing eye to eye. I have had my conflicts with Fern and Tom in the past that we have been able to resolve; Since you do not wish to speak to me directly, I am hoping that we can communicate this way to see each other more clearly. I think youre upset with me because I married your dad- but I am not sure because you will not tell me what is wrong. I want to make peace with you, but I cannot do that with you so blatantly disrespecting me. I feel like I deserve an apology- I feel used by you, especially since I signed your lease for you when you asked right before this happened. Please write me back so we can resolve this, I love you."
Apparently, MIL had FIL read it before she sent it- this looks like a last ditch effort to rectify the tension, but I'm not sure what the outcome will be because we ALL know that Margaret is going to freak the fuck out the second she reads it. Margaret can't handle any blame and has no sense of accountability. We can all see it coming- so definitely expect an update on that.
On the ride home I absolutely fell apart. It made me so sad that she has had to go to these lengths to remedy a situation that she didn't cause in the first place. I was also very, very angry at FIL and basically the whole family for letting this go on for as long as it has.. I ended up confronting Tom about this again. I told him that there are 600 strangers on reddit calling him and his whole family spineless, and that I have found myself defending them because I know otherwise, but that in this situation those 600 strangers are absolutely right. I said that I know his dad is human, but that they are all a bunch of cowards for the "fend for yourself, just let it go" attitude they have when it comes to each of them being so wildly abused and disrespected AS A FAMILY. Fern deserves better than to have a sister that has told ME that "the reason Fern got SA'd as a kid is because h"e put himself out there like that" (excuse me?). Cory deserves better than a wife who threatens to call the cops on him for not making her dinner (huh?) . Tom deserves a better sister than one who has called me to tell me "He's a creep and I bet he's done things to little girls before" (no idea where that one came from). MIL deserves better than someone who asks her for money and favors only to turn around and rip her to shreds (the entitlement?). And FIL deserves better than to have such little self esteem that he'd rather watch his family disintegrate rather than cut out the cancer.
Yeah, I was heated. Margaret makes shit up, takes things out of context, and regularly demonstrates that she genuinely feels the world is out to get her and that everyone else is the problem. I did not let up.
Tom listened very patiently- we exchanged a lot of words and the conversation took over an hour, the end result being "My dad is nearing approachable about this subject. Today showed him the kind of life we can have without her; you definitely launched a psychological bomb at him with how well you planned the day and how much you showed MIL that she's worth something. He's struggling, but I promise that I'll talk to him about it soon. We talk 3 times a week, he knows its coming."
The last statement I made was "I am not an 'on the fence' person. I'm the only one who has outright picked a side- and it's not Margaret's because I refuse to enable this insanity anymore. It's wrong, and you guys are wrong for coddling a grown woman's hurt ego knowing that its harming literally EVERYONE else in the family. Pick a side, and be done with it. I refuse to let MIL go this alone."
We will see how much longer the circus goes on. I anticipate the events that happened this weekend leading to the biggest blow up that Margaret has had yet- the shady online posts have already started (per Tom, who has found it amusing and low of her). It's about to get a lot crazier when this letter hits, and even worse when she eventually visits FIL and sees a giant collage with all the kids except for her.
There's SO many of you that have said that you are emotionally invested in my story- I'll continue to update so we all get the closure we need. Thanks for all the support (and trash talking, I've gotten quite a few LOLs out of the comments).
Stay tuned I guess!
submitted by sockmunkie22 to AmITheJerk [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:06 dissociativedays How to be okay going no-contact when the guilt is eating me alive?

I was considering going no-contact with my family minus a brother I’m close to 3 years ago and was almost out until my father died in a freak accident and I got roped back in. My sister has spent the last 30 years making my life a living hell and my parents never stuck up for me or protected me from her. My mother, now alone, is terrified of her. We had a shitty childhood and all have different survival tactics, but after going to therapy for four years now, I’ve gotten away from those and surround myself with happy, healthy, amazing, supportive people. In regard to family, I keep my distance when I can (living 3.5 hours away helps), but often am the one everyone turns to when shit goes sideways to fix everything, calm people down, figure out what to do next. I’m tired of it, especially now realizing no one does the same for me.
I recently got married and had a 40 person head count, with 38 yeses. After a bunch of random crap, 13 of my 20 invitees flaked 3 days to 2 hours before the party, all of which were very, very close family members including a brother and two of my BILs. Had I known this, with ample timing, I would have invited more friends who WOULD have shown, but due to family taking up so much of the headcount, I couldn’t extend invites to them all. I vented to my mother who said at least I have my sister coming, who I said was only invited since the others were and she has never been nice to me or my husband - which my mother agreed with and said was a self-centered survival thing. I said she should learn a little kindness which would get her far. She despises my husband, who is genuinely as nice as can be, even to a fault. Doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, god bless him. But he supports me and loves me and we do well off each other and thrive, which she doesn’t like. Other siblings have commented on the fact she treats him so poorly when he is nothing but so kind to her.
Come party, 2 hours in and she’s nowhere to be seen. We’re waiting around to cut cakes since her household consisted of 5 people and we didn’t want to have people randomly walk in on it and ruin the photographs, miss the momentous moment, etc. My brother gets in touch with her and relays the message that I’m a monster, I’m childish and horrible and never welcome her to anything and I’m irrelevant and no one likes me which is why everyone bailed on me and I should be embarrassed. The only person I said those things to was my mother (who couldn’t come to party due to health reasons). I spent a majority of my wedding party crying on a fire escape because I was so upset by her words, so upset that everyone bailed, and so upset I didn’t follow my gut inviting other friends who would have come over obligatory family invites. I blocked my sister and her friend who joined in on her meanness. She has taken to emailing and texting me under spoof emails and phone numbers. Calling me irrelevant, embarrassing, disgusting, ugly, childish, greedy, no one showed up because they don’t like me, never been liked, etc.
My mother has spoken to her, but hasn’t reached out to me since the party when I said I was hurt at what she shared in confidence and need to think about what I want from this family anymore. My mother swears she went through her phone and saw the messages, but other parts of her (mothers) story don’t align. My mother historically has victim mindset over everything and could do no wrong. I try to do nothing but support my mother but she can never ever see how she’s in the wrong - ever. For example, she put her electric bill under my name and SS and defaulted on it for years. When I called her out on it after the company started reaching out to me, she said it’s always been like this, I didn’t say anything years ago so what’s the difference now, she’s doing no wrong and if I want her to go without electric and ruin the family then by all means go ahead and shut it off if I want.
I’m hurt, I’m upset. My husband has been amazing, but he doesn’t have any family that we could lean on ever. I’m torn between going fully no contact between my siblings who enable my sister, my mother who is emotionally abusive and enables her and doesn’t protect the rest of us, and calling it a day. Or going no contact with siblings, low contact with my mother, and never returning until they get their shit together and go to therapy. I just don’t know what is best anymore since I know my mom will never stand up to her. Family is all I’ve ever really had outside a close knit group of 3 friends, so it’s hard to go from everything to nothing in the blink of an eye.
Ever since my dad died and my sister took over, I have felt like I don’t have a spot in the family anymore. My sisters best friend of 15 years has always wanted to be apart of our big family since she had a dysfunctional one herself, and joins us on family vacations, Christmas, every waking moment. She is just as bad as my sister, and my sister is her only friend so she bows down to her. Since dad died, it’s like my sister and her friend don’t want me in the family and want to give the bff my daughter spot and to ostracize me. All of this is making me spiral and spiral and spiral. I haven’t been this bad mentally in a really, REALLY long time and it’s triggering me a lot.
I feel like as a woman, I’m held to a different caliber than the others. My brothers could do whatever they damn well please, and they do, and everyone turns a blind eye. With my sister being the oldest, she gets the same treatment. I am overwhelmed with what this family puts me through. My husband doesn’t have any family anymore for us to lean on, spend holidays with, etc. How do you move on? How do you find peace? How do you be okay with the fact nothing will ever change in this dynamic so it’s all or nothing?
FWIW - have an amazing therapist, amazing support group. Am ok, just sad and upset.
submitted by dissociativedays to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:04 L0k1blaze Body isn't feeling right, multiple unusual feelings (aches, icy water flashes, pains, body feeling like it's sick) across my body.

28 year old male, 6'1, 185 lbs, no known medical issues, non-smoker, VERY light drinker, no recreational drugs.
My primary complaint is that my body isn't feeling normal. Over the past several months I've noticed these unusual feelings (aches, pains, ice-hot flashes) spreading throughout my body. It started in my thighs with icy water flashes (like someone dropping ice cold water on my nerves) and eventually it graduated to small aches and pains in my thighs, arms, feet, hands and abdomen (nothing in my face, back, neck etc.)
The feelings vary on type, but two things they all have in common is they cover a small area (ranging from the size of a circle with 1in diameter to the length of my finger) and they last a few seconds. It started off light (maybe once every several days), but now I get these feelings constantly. My abdomen is mostly soreness like aches that remind me of after I workout, but occasionally I get the icy-cold feeling. My hands, arms, and legs are mostly aches now (they last a few seconds).
I've had pains in my chest too, sometimes around my heart. Yesterday I had a tightness in my chest that felt like somebody was squeezing the inside of my chest.
I've also recently started feeling sick. I was talking to someone about this last night and right then I started feeling like I had a cold and I woke up feeling like that today (still do).
I also have this weird pounding sensation in my left ear sometimes. I don't believe it's related, but it feels like there's something in there because I can feel my blood pumping through it for a few seconds.
FYI, I'm pretty sure this isn't stress. I know what stress does to my body and this isn't it.
Other info that I believe is relevant.
  1. I got the Pfizer vaccine (yes, I know what this subreddit's policies are on vaccine misinformation, but I believe it's important).
  2. I've been to the ER twice now (earliest was last year), specifically for chest-related issues, self-admitted. Both times I had chest x-rays done, blood work, the latest one I had a d-dimer test. Both times they gave me a clean bill of health.
I had some blood work done that was ordered by my doctor, I haven't gotten the results back yet.
submitted by L0k1blaze to AskDocs [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:02 Dazzling_Buddy_1002 TRADE

I have __ * Daughter of the Sun (Ankhoï Remix) * Ankhoï - Sandiya * Ankhoï - Clound * Ankhoï - No sleep * Ankhoï - Corazon * Ankhoï - After All Night Shift * Tato - Merah * Tato - Juremas Flower * Alegria - ARYMÉ & OSFUR ( Chris IDH Remix ) * Chris IDH - 7 nation * Victor Alc - Essamina * Victor Alc - I Know You Know * Victor Alc - Hangin Tree * Victor Alc - Alma * Victor Alc - Sudamérica * Victor Alc, Murilo Tronco - Forma De Querer * Carlita, Mojoo - Havana * Outkast - Ms. Jackson (Moojo Remix) * Coco, Joezi, Pape Diouf - 7 Seconds (Moojo Remix) * Michael Jackson - Billy Late Jean ( Moojo Edit ) * Moojo, Demeya - Hot N fun * Moojo - Atitude * Moojo ft Gabsy - Ze Roberto * Moojo - I Whant Your Soul * Moojo - GTA * Moojo - Giant Ft. Awen * Cairo - Here We Are (Moojo Remix) * Moojo - Oui * Rihana - Stay (Moojo Remix) * Moojo ft Starving yet Full - Limitless Vocal Version * Moojo,Da Capo - What U Desaire (Vocal Mix) * Post Malone - I Fall Apart (Moojo Remix) * Drake - A KEEPER (Moojo Remix) * &friends, Joseph (CH) - Jackie Brown * &friends, Lily’s Mandre - Blending Love * &Friends - Oya Jo (16khz) * Abdel Kader - Monte Rougue * Love Me Back (Raffa Guido Remix) * Valeron, Payment & Klaudia Touch Me (Sam (GR) Children Touch) * Marten Lou - Better Days * Vxision - Love Preparetions (Slow Down Edit) * Classy 101 (Vxision, Maz Remix) * Empire Of The Sun- Walking On A Dream Vxision Remix) * Jovem Dionisio - Pontos de Exclamação (VXSION Remix) * Rui Da Silva - Touch Me (Peace Control Remix) * Drake - Sticky (Peace Control Remix) * ROUTE 94, Jesse Glynne - My Love (Alex Wann Remix) * FCLT - Fell It’s You (Alex Wann remix) * Zhu - Faded (Alex Wann Remix) * Alright - Red Carpet (Kashovski & Abel Ray Remix) * Sérgio Mendes - Mas Que Nada (Ahmed Spins Edit) * ANOTR, Abel Balder - Vertigo (Carlita Remix) * Kura - Sentir Saudade (Guapo, Antdot Remix) * Drake - Finesse (Antdot Remix) * Peaty - 6pm In Casablanca * Peaty - KILOSA (Afro Melodic Mix) * Black Cofee, David Guetta - Drive (Da Capo Remix) * Empire Of The Sun- Walking On A Dream (Da Capo Remix) * Michael Jackson - Billy Jean (Da Capo Remix) * Coco, Joezi, Pape Diouf - 7 Seconds (Da Capo Remix) * Super Flu - Lovesong * David Mackay, Dela Sur - Carnaval Breve * Moderat, Keinemusik - More Love (Kalidon Mykonos Mashup) * Roy Rosenfeld & Sébastien Léger - ID {Played by Keinemusik} (16khz)
submitted by Dazzling_Buddy_1002 to AfroHouseUnreleased [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:01 wisdomperception The Six Elements Inquiring into the presupposition of 'I Am' (MN 140)

The Six Elements Inquiring into the presupposition of 'I Am' (MN 140)
Once, the Buddha had a chance encounter with a young bhikkhu Pukkusāti who had gone forth with faith in the Buddha but had never met him. Mistaking the Buddha for an ordinary bhikkhu, Pukkusāti welcomed him. This led to an intriguing exchange with the Buddha sharing a teaching focusing on the nature of the six elements, the six bases of contact, and the eighteen explorations of the mind.
Meditator in a tranquil landscape in an impressionist style
Thus have I heard — Once, the Blessed One was wandering in the land of the Magadhans and arrived at Rājagaha; he went to where Bhaggava the potter was. Having approached, the Blessed One said to Bhaggava the potter, "If it's not inconvenient for you, Bhaggava, may we stay in your workshop for one night?"
"It's not inconvenient for me, venerable sir. There is an ascetic who arrived first. If he permits it, then stay, venerable sir, as you like," Bhaggava replied.
At that time, a young man named Pukkusāti, out of faith in the Blessed One, had gone forth from home into homelessness. He was the one who had arrived first at the potter's workshop. Then, the Blessed One approached where Venerable Pukkusāti was; having approached, he said to Venerable Pukkusāti, "If it's not inconvenient for you, bhikkhu, may we stay in your workshop for one night?"
"The workshop is spacious, friend. Please stay, Venerable, as you like," replied Venerable Pukkusāti.
Then, the Blessed One entered the potter's workshop and, after preparing a seat of grass at one side, sat down, folding his legs crosswise, setting his body erect, and establishing mindfulness in front of him. The Blessed One spent much of the night seated in meditation. Venerable Pukkusāti too spent much of the night seated in meditation.
Then, it occurred to the Blessed One, "This young man conducts himself well. Perhaps I should question him."
So, the Blessed One asked Venerable Pukkusāti, "For whom, bhikkhu, have you gone forth? Who is your teacher? Whose Dhamma do you profess?"
"Friend, there is the ascetic Gotama, the son of the Sakyans, who went forth from the Sakyan clan. And about the Blessed One Gotama, such a splendid reputation has spread: 'Indeed, he is the Blessed One, an Arahant, a Fully Enlightened One, accomplished in knowledge and conduct, well-gone, a knower of the worlds, an unsurpassed trainer of persons to be tamed, a teacher of gods and humans, the Enlightened One, the Blessed One.' I have gone forth inspired by the Blessed One Gotama. He is my teacher, and it is his Dhamma that I profess."
"And where is that Blessed One, the Arahant, the Fully Enlightened One now residing?" the Blessed One asked.
"Friend, in the northern country there is a city named Sāvatthi. There the Blessed One, the Arahant, the Fully Enlightened One, is now residing," replied Venerable Pukkusāti.
"Have you ever seen that Blessed One before, bhikkhu? Would you recognize him if you saw him?" the Blessed One inquired.
"No, friend, I have not seen that Blessed One before; and I would not recognize him if I saw him," Venerable Pukkusāti replied.
Then, it occurred to the Blessed One, "This young man has gone forth out of faith in me. Perhaps I should teach him the Dhamma."
Then, the Blessed One addressed Venerable Pukkusāti, "I will teach you the Dhamma, bhikkhu. Listen and pay close attention; I will speak."
"As you say, friend," Venerable Pukkusāti responded to the Blessed One. The Blessed One said:
"This person, bhikkhu, is made of six elements, six bases of contact, eighteen explorations of mind, and is established in four ways; where standing, the notions of 'I am' do not proceed, and in whom, when these notions do not proceed, is called a sage at peace. One should not be negligent in wisdom, should guard the truth, should cultivate relinquishment, and should train for peace itself — this is the essence of the Analysis of the Elements.
'This person, bhikkhu, is made of six elements' — thus it has been said. Why has it been said? There are these six elements, bhikkhu: the earth element, the water element, the fire element, the air element, the space element, and the consciousness element. 'This person, bhikkhu, is made of six elements' — it has been said with reference to this.
'This person, bhikkhu, has six bases of contact' — thus it has been said. Why has it been said? The eye-contact base, the ear-contact base, the nose-contact base, the tongue-contact base, the body-contact base, the mind-contact base. 'This person, bhikkhu, has six bases of contact' — it has been said with reference to this.
'This person, bhikkhu, engages in eighteen explorations of mind' — thus it has been said. Why has it been said? On seeing a form with the eye, one explores a form that gives rise to pleasure, a form that gives rise to displeasure, and a form that gives rise to equanimity; on hearing a sound with the ear ... on smelling an odor with the nose ... on tasting a flavor with the tongue ...
on touching a tactile object with the body ... on cognizing a mental object (arisen from a mental quality) with the mind, one explores a mental object that gives rise to pleasure, a mental object that gives rise to displeasure, and a mental object that gives rise to equanimity. 'This person, bhikkhu, engages in eighteen explorations of mind' — it has been said with reference to this.
'This person, bhikkhu, is established in four ways' — thus it has been said. Why has it been said? The establishment of wisdom, the establishment of truth, the establishment of relinquishment, the establishment of peace. 'This person, bhikkhu, is established in four ways' — it has been said with reference to this.
'One should not be negligent in wisdom, should guard the truth, should cultivate relinquishment, and should train for peace itself'
— thus it has been said. Why has it been said?

The Six Elements

And how, bhikkhu, does one not neglect wisdom? There are these six elements, bhikkhu: the earth element, the water element, the fire element, the air element, the space element, and the consciousness element.
And what, bhikkhu, is the earth element? The earth element may be internal or external. And what, bhikkhu, is the internal earth element? Whatever internally, belonging to oneself, is solid, solidified, and clung to, that is, hair of the head, hair of the body, nails, teeth, skin, flesh, sinews, bones, bone marrow, kidneys, heart, liver, diaphragm, spleen, lungs, intestines, mesentery, contents of the stomach, feces, or whatever else internally, belonging to oneself, is solid, solidified, and clung to — this is called the internal earth element. Both the internal earth element and the external earth element are simply earth elements. 'This is not mine, this I am not, this is not my self' — thus should it be seen with proper wisdom as it really is. Having seen it thus with proper wisdom, one becomes disenchanted with the earth element and makes the mind dispassionate towards the earth element.
And what, bhikkhu, is the water element? The water element may be internal or external. And what, bhikkhu, is the internal water element? Whatever internally, belonging to oneself, is liquid, liquefied, and clung to, that is, bile, phlegm, pus, blood, sweat, fat, tears, grease, spit, snot, oil of the joints, urine, or whatever else internally, belonging to oneself, is liquid, liquefied, and clung to — this is called the internal water element. Both the internal water element and the external water element are simply water elements. 'This is not mine, this I am not, this is not my self' — thus should it be seen with proper wisdom as it really is. Having seen it thus with proper wisdom, one becomes disenchanted with the water element and makes the mind dispassionate towards the water element.
And what, bhikkhu, is the fire element? The fire element may be internal or external. And what, bhikkhu, is the internal fire element? Whatever internally, belonging to oneself, is fire, fiery, and clung to, that is, by which one is warmed, ages, and is consumed, and by which what is eaten, drunk, chewed, and tasted gets fully digested, or whatever else internally, belonging to oneself, is fire, fiery, and clung to — this is called the internal fire element. Both the internal fire element and the external fire element are simply fire elements. 'This is not mine, this I am not, this is not my self' — thus should it be seen with proper wisdom as it really is. Having seen it thus with proper wisdom, one becomes disenchanted with the fire element and makes the mind dispassionate towards the fire element.
And what, bhikkhu, is the air element? The air element may be internal or external. And what, bhikkhu, is the internal air element? Whatever internally, belonging to oneself, is air, airy, and clung to, that is, up-going winds, down-going winds, winds in the belly, winds in the bowels, winds that course through the limbs, in-breathing and out-breathing, or whatever else internally, belonging to oneself, is air, airy, and clung to — this is called the internal air element. Both the internal air element and the external air element are simply air elements. 'This is not mine, this I am not, this is not my self' — thus should it be seen with proper wisdom as it really is. Having seen it thus with proper wisdom, one becomes disenchanted with the air element and makes the mind dispassionate towards the air element.
And what, bhikkhu, is the space element? The space element may be internal or external. And what, bhikkhu, is the internal space element? Whatever internally, belonging to oneself, is space, spatial, and clung to, that is, the holes of the ears, the nostrils, the door of the mouth, and where whatever is eaten, drunk, chewed, and tasted is swallowed, where it stands, where it is stored, and where it is excreted from below, or whatever else internally, belonging to oneself, is space, spatial, and clung to — this is called the internal space element. Both the internal space element and the external space element are simply space elements. 'This is not mine, this I am not, this is not my self' — thus should it be seen with proper wisdom as it really is. Having seen it thus with proper wisdom, one becomes disenchanted with the space element and makes the mind dispassionate towards the space element.
Then, only consciousness remains, pure and bright. And with that consciousness, what does one cognize? One cognizes 'pleasant', one cognizes 'painful', and one cognizes 'neither-painful-nor-pleasant'.

The Eighteen Explorations of Mind

  • Pleasant feeling, bhikkhu, arises dependent on contact. Experiencing that pleasant feeling, one understands 'I experience a pleasant feeling'. 'With the cessation of that very contact that is pleasant to experience, the pleasant feeling that arose dependent on that pleasant contact ceases and subsides' — this one understands.
  • Painful feeling, bhikkhu, arises dependent on contact. Experiencing that painful feeling, one understands 'I experience a painful feeling'. 'With the cessation of that very contact that is painful to experience, the painful feeling that arose dependent on that painful contact ceases and subsides' — this one understands.
  • A neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, bhikkhu, arises dependent on contact. Experiencing that neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, one understands 'I experience a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling'. 'With the cessation of that very contact that is neither painful nor pleasant to experience, the neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling that arose dependent on that contact ceases and subsides' — this one understands.
Just as, bhikkhu, with the friction of two pieces of wood, heat is generated and fire arises, and with the separation and scattering of those two pieces of wood, the heat generated by their contact ceases and subsides;
  • Similarly, bhikkhu, pleasant feeling arises dependent on contact. Experiencing that pleasant feeling, one understands 'I experience a pleasant feeling'. 'With the cessation of that very contact that is pleasant to experience, the pleasant feeling that arose dependent on that contact ceases and subsides' — this one understands.
  • Painful feeling, bhikkhu, arises dependent on contact. Experiencing that painful feeling, one understands 'I experience a painful feeling'. 'With the cessation of that very contact that is painful to experience, the painful feeling that arose dependent on that contact ceases and subsides' — this one understands.
  • A neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, bhikkhu, arises dependent on contact. Experiencing that neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, one understands 'I experience a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling'. 'With the cessation of that very contact that is neither painful nor pleasant to experience, the neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling that arose dependent on that contact ceases and subsides' — this one understands.
Then, only equanimity remains, pure, bright, gentle, workable, and radiant. Just as, bhikkhu, a skilled goldsmith or goldsmith's apprentice might prepare a furnace, light the fire, and place gold in the crucible. By blowing on it from time to time, sprinkling water over it from time to time, and observing it from time to time, the gold becomes refined, well refined, thoroughly refined, faultless, pliable, workable, and radiant. It could be made into whatever form he wishes — whether a bracelet, earrings, a necklace, or a golden chain—and it would serve its purpose. Similarly, bhikkhu, then only equanimity remains, pure, bright, gentle, workable, and radiant.
One thus understands: 'If I were to direct this equanimity so pure and so bright towards the sphere of infinite space (dissolution of distinctions of form element) and develop my mind accordingly, this equanimity, relying on that, clinging (grasping) to that, would last for a long time. If I were to direct this equanimity so pure and so bright towards the sphere of infinite consciousness (boundless awareness)... towards the sphere of nothingness (emptiness and absence)... towards the sphere of neither perception nor non-perception and develop my mind accordingly, this equanimity, relying on that, clinging to that, would last for a long time.'
One thus understands: 'If I were to direct this equanimity, so pure and bright, towards the sphere of infinite space (dissolution of distinctions of form element) and develop my mind accordingly, this is conditioned. If I were to direct this equanimity, so pure and bright, towards the sphere of infinite consciousness... towards the sphere of nothingness... towards the sphere of neither perception nor non-perception and develop my mind accordingly, this is conditioned.'
Thus, one does not form any volitional formations for either existence or non-existence. Not forming any volitions for either, one does not cling to anything in the world. Not clinging, one does not worry. Without worry, one personally attains Nibbāna.
'Re-birth is exhausted, the holy life has been lived, what had to be done has been done, there is no more coming to any state of being,' one understands.
Whether experiencing a pleasant feeling, one understands 'it is impermanent', 'I am not involved with it', 'I do not delight in it'. Whether experiencing a painful feeling or a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, one understands the same.
Experiencing a pleasant feeling, one experiences it unattached; experiencing a painful feeling, one experiences it unattached; experiencing a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, one experiences it unattached. Experiencing a feeling limited to the body, one understands 'I experience a feeling limited to the body'; experiencing a feeling limited to life, one understands 'I experience a feeling limited to life', 'With the break-up of the body, following death, all that is felt, not being delighted in, will become cool right here.'
Just as, bhikkhu, an oil lamp burns dependent on oil and a wick, and with the exhaustion of the oil and wick, it is extinguished due to lack of fuel; similarly, experiencing a feeling limited to the body, one understands 'I experience a feeling limited to the body'; experiencing a feeling limited to life, one understands 'I experience a feeling limited to life', 'With the break-up of the body, following death, all that is felt, not being delighted in, will become cool right here.'

Established in Four Ways

  1. Therefore, a bhikkhu equipped in this way possesses the highest foundation of wisdom. For, bhikkhu, this is the highest noble wisdom, that is, the knowledge of the cessation of all suffering.
  2. His release, being founded on truth, is unshakeable. For that is false, bhikkhu, which is delusory, and that is true which is Nibbāna, the un-delusory. Therefore, a bhikkhu equipped in this way possesses the highest foundation of truth. For, bhikkhu, this is the ultimate noble truth, that is, Nibbāna, which is un-delusory.
  3. For him, previously not having wisdom, attachments (possessions, identification) were fully taken up and embraced. But for him, they are abandoned, cut off at the root, made like a palm stump, obliterated so that they are no more subject to future arising. Therefore, a bhikkhu equipped in this way possesses the highest foundation of relinquishment. For, bhikkhu, this is the supreme noble relinquishment, that is, the relinquishment of all attachments.
    1. For him, previously not having wisdom, there was craving, desire, passion. But for him, it is abandoned, cut off at the root, made like a palm stump, obliterated so that craving is no more subject to future arising.
    2. For him, previously not having wisdom, there was irritation, ill-will, fault-finding. But for him, it is abandoned, cut off at the root, made like a palm stump, obliterated so that irritation is no more subject to future arising.
  4. For him, previously not having wisdom, there was ignorance (misapprehension of true reality) and delusion (assumption making tendencies, absence of close examination and verification). But for him, it is abandoned, cut off at the root, made like a palm stump, obliterated so that it is no more subject to future arising. Therefore, a bhikkhu equipped in this way possesses the highest foundation of peace. For, bhikkhu, this is the supreme noble peace, that is, the pacification of lust, aversion, and confusion.
"One should not neglect wisdom, should protect the truth, should cultivate relinquishment, and should train for peace itself"
— thus has it been said. This has been said on account of this.

Notions of 'I am'

"Where standing, the notions of 'I am' do not proceed, and in whom, when these notions do not proceed, he is called a sage at peace" — thus indeed has it been said. What was this said on account of?
"It is 'I am,' bhikkhu, that is a presumption.
  • 'This I am' is a presumption.
  • 'I will be' is a presumption.
  • 'I will not be' is a presumption.
  • 'I will have form' is a presumption.
  • 'I will be formless' is a presumption.
  • 'I will be conscious' is a presumption.
  • 'I will be unconscious' is a presumption.
  • 'I will be neither conscious nor unconscious' is a presumption.
Presumption, bhikkhu, is a disease, presumption is a boil, presumption is a dart. Overcoming all presumptions, bhikkhu, one is called a sage at peace. Indeed, a sage at peace, bhikkhu, does not get born, does not age, does not die, does not get agitated, does not yearn. For him, bhikkhu, there is nothing by which he might be born; not being born, how could he age? Not aging, how could he die? Not dying, how could he get agitated? Not getting agitated, for what could he yearn?
"Where standing, the notions of 'I am' do not proceed, and in whom, when these notions do not proceed, he is called a sage at peace"
— thus has it been said. This has been said on account of this.
"You should remember this brief exposition of the six elements from me, bhikkhu."
---------------
In this teaching, the Buddha gets mistaken for an ordinary bhikkhu by a young bhikkhu who had gone forth with faith in the Buddha. It is indicative that the Buddha conducted himself with an outward appearance indistinguishable from that of other bhikkhus that trained under him.
Seeing the young bhikkhu conducting himself well, the Buddha shares with him this teaching of the six elements of earth, water, fire, wind, space and consciousness - which when practiced allows for establishing oneself in mindfulness, freed from craving and grief for the world.
The Buddha further shares on the eighteen explorations of the mind through the three kinds of feelings: pleasant, painful and neither-painful-nor-pleasant born from the six sense contacts (form meeting the eye, along with arising of eye-consciousness, ... , mental object meeting the mind, along with arising of the mind-consciousness). He shares these as a way to understand the consciousness element and how it cognizes.
The Buddha then describes the gradual steps from there that lead to the realization of Nibbāna, leading to being established in the four ways of wisdom, truth, relinquishment, and peace.
The Buddha finally shares on the letting go of the 'I am' presumption and any subsequent presumptions that emerge from this, which form the core of what leads one to experience discontentment through worry, agitation, and dissatisfaction.
Closely examining the presumption of 'I am' inherent in René Descartes's "Cogito, ergo sum" ("I think, therefore I am"), which has underpinned modern philosophy, scientific and rational investigations, individualism, literature and pop culture, psychology, and technology (including debates on machine consciousness), reveals how deeply the world we find ourselves in today is influenced by this concept.
Realizing the truth of "I am" then individually opens up new possibilities and frontiers to be explored across all of these domains.
Related Teachings:
submitted by wisdomperception to WordsOfTheBuddha [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 15:01 rgreen192 Deck Lattice and Paint/Stain Help

Deck Lattice and Paint/Stain Help
Deck Stain/Paint and Lattice Questions
Planning on putting some lattice around my deck to keep the dog/cat from under it and give me somewhere to store a low trailer and wheelbarrow out of the HOA’s sight.
The 3 2x12s joined together to support the deck come right to the face of the deck apron. Would it be possible to take a jigsaw and cut the thickness of vinyl lattice off the edge of those boards so the lattice can be flush with the apron, or is that too structural?
The stain on the deck right now is terrible, and I’m going to re-do it tomorrow, and my wife wants the apron of the deck white, along with white lattice under the deck. I know paint is a no-no for the deck boards, but what about the apron? My wife also wants me to paint the support beams since she doesn’t like the unpainted look and wants those white as well
submitted by rgreen192 to DIY [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 14:58 LuLu_Macado Dwarf Sunflowers From Seed

Dwarf Sunflowers From Seed
I am a total newbie just testing the waters into plants and such. I bought a kit to grow dwarf sunflowers this season. I planted 5 like they recommended and three have come up beautifully. I have them under grow lights about 12 hours a day and make sure the soil is kept adequately moist and they have been growing extremely quick. I am concerned the longest one, which popped first, is bending over and was wondering should I prop him up with something or let it go?
I also don't know at what point to repot them into a regular sized pot and do I split them up or can I keep them together? Also does anyone have any recommendations for soil type when I repot them, and do they need feeding or just watering?
I am moving them outside on my deck in full sun once they've been established in the new pot since they can get up to 3 feet tall and I lack space in my home for that with having two cats that would definitely eat them. I wouldn't be able to keep them off the sunflowers, unless someone has any ideas/suggestions on how to do that. I think the sunflowers would be happier out on the deck with real sun rather than grow lights anyway. The grow lights were meant to be temporary until I moved them over into a regular pot.
Any help would greatly appreciated. :)
https://preview.redd.it/cwzhpyx62s1d1.jpg?width=4080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d6a7184bee7e9939f0ba5733f845455d87ca4a00
submitted by LuLu_Macado to houseplants [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 14:57 ELITE_RUSSIAN Transplanted cherry trees diein?

Transplanted cherry trees diein?
I picked up 3 cherry trees from my grandpa about 200 miles away (bare root and not in soil), when I got home it look loopy and sad.
I placed it in water over night and next day it looked more upright, I planted it about 6 hrs later in Edna's organic potting soil with some tree fertilizer in some pots with extra drainage holes at bottom.
It looked alright this morning but looks loopy and sad now, is it because it's recovering from everything or are they dieing?
How often should I water them? I'm watering in morning and after work.
Also 2 photos are of 2 different pots. 1st/3rd photo is of 1 tree that branches into 2, should I cut one off or keep the "V"?
Also 3rd photo is of them yesterday morning when they looked better.
submitted by ELITE_RUSSIAN to gardening [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 14:56 Crazy-Concern8080 Hearts and Minds 4: When All is Said - (Part 5)

Even if you don’t speak the first time, just being with other people who can understand you will help.
First
Previous
You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Memory Transcription Subject: Billy Marsh, Dirt
Date [Standardized Human Time]: March 29, 2142
Why the hell couldn’t I get rid of Gillab? I wanted him gone, he was ruining everything, and he is even technically trespassing in my house. I could easily get him removed with a simple nine-one-one call, so why couldn’t I just do it? Is there something else wrong with my head? Another problem I needed to deal with?
I wish I had some alcohol. Something to take my mind off of this. The memories were starting to come back more and more as well, last night was the worst sleep I have had in a while. The night terrors I once kept away with liquor had returned, something that scared Gillab half to death. He said that I was screaming bloody murder in my sleep, but just like every other time I’ve had a night terror, I couldn’t even remember a single detail.
But that didn’t matter now, what did was trying to give a decent first impression. I don’t know why, it’s not like I care, but I found myself wanting to look halfway presentable for the veterans’ meetup. Maybe I didn’t want others to waste their time worrying about me. Yeah, that was it. They shouldn’t need to worry about dirt like me. Still, I promised to ‘go through the motions,’ so here I was.
I didn’t really know how to describe the building, it almost looked like a warehouse. Short and wide, from the outside one would assume it was just another warehouse, but the inside had been turned into a community center. It was probably just another one of the overbuilt buildings that had been repurposed. There were tones of those around as architects and city planners would miscalculate how many of a certain type of building were needed. Many places were repurposed, this was just another.
I stopped at the door and looked over to Gillab. “This isn’t going to do anything. I’m just wasting time here.”
“No, you aren’t. Even if you don’t realize it, you are healing. Even just walking around outside of your house and eating a half-decent meal has helped, I can see that. You aren’t nearly as angry today as you were yesterday. Now go on, while you are doing this I’m going to run some errands for you. You need real food in your house.”
“Don’t bother, I don’t know how to cook.”
“Then we will learn. I don’t know how to cook Human food either. Kirala is the chef of the house.”
I thought to ask who Kirala was, but bit my tongue. I’m not supposed to care. “Whatever, I’m going in now.”
“See you soon Billy.”
I shut the door behind me and took stock of the room around me. It was a waiting area complete with inoffensive paintings and beige seats. At the opposite end of the room was a woman sitting behind a counter, typing away on a computer. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to talk to her.
“Hello, uhm, I’m here for the veterans’ group therapy session.”
“Oh course, that’ll be down that hall. Room number three, it should be on your left.”
I tried to stop bouncing my leg. “Thank you.”
I didn’t wait for a response and started down the hall, feeling a pit grow more and more in my stomach. What if this goes wrong? What if I just cause more problems? What if I ruin more people’s lives? What if I just make it worse?
I stopped in front of the door, my leg bouncing constantly. This was wrong, I shouldn’t be here. I’m unhelpable, I should just leave. Gillab said he was running errands, he wouldn’t even know that I skipped it.
The pit in my stomach began clearing as I turned away, but I couldn’t even take a single step before I stopped.
No, that’s wrong. I made a promise to Gillab, so I have to do this. Not for me, but for him. Even if I’m useless, I should still respect others.
But I could just lie, he wouldn’t know any better.
But what if he finds out?
Getting chewed out later is much easier than going through with this.
Isn’t this supposed to help though?
Do you think I deserve help?
Why… why shouldn’t I?
Because of what I’ve done. Who I've hurt. Who I have killed. The lives I have ruined trying to help them. If I was anything other than dirt, I could have saved so many more and ruined so few. Now stop stalling, and walk-
“Do you need help, sir?”
My heart plummeted and the bouncing immediately started. I turned around nervously, trying to form a single cohesive thought. A man was standing halfway in the doorway.
Don’t bother him, just say that I’m in the wrong spot.
“Uhh… N-”
My voice caught in my throat, almost causing me to cough.
“Y-yes. Is this the v-veterans’ therapy thing?”
Why did I say that?
The man stepped out of the doorway, a small smile now on his face. “Yep, this is it. You must be Billy, right? Charlotte told me that you were going to start showing up. I’m Richard, and yes, my friends call me Dick.”
Richard stuck out his hand. I stared at it for a split second before realizing I needed to shake it. As I did, I realized that it felt wrong. It was too tough to be a normal Human hand, it was almost like metal.
I looked up from the hand. “Y-you’re an amputee too?”
Richard smiled widely. “Sure am. Lost it on Sillis to an Arxur. I can see - feel - that you lost an arm as well.”
“Yeah… I’d prefer n-not to talk about it.”
Richard lost his smile, but not his courtesy. “I understand. I wasn’t able to even look at mine for a long time. Quite a few were just as unfortunate as us, a number of them come to these sessions as well. Would you like to step in? I was only going to leave to grab some refreshments.”
“S-sure. Yeah. I’ll find a seat.”
“Great, I’ll be right back.”
Richard departed for the end of the hall, leaving me standing awkwardly in front of the door. I could feel the pit begin to grow again and my leg started to bounce furiously.
Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes?
I’m in too deep now to back out, all I can do is go through the motions. It’s just motions. Just another step. One more breath. That’s all I have to do.
I stepped into the room, keeping my head lowered the entire time. There were three other people in the room, chatting idly with one another. Two Humans were chatting together, only briefly pausing to glance at me before starting right back up. The Venlil looked up from his phone and patted the seat next to himself, inviting me to sit next to him.
I sighed internally and made my way over, not wanting to set myself apart as the outcast. The Venlil watched me sit and only started talking when I was settled in. “Hi, I’m Tunek.”
I gave him a short nod, looked away, and realized I was supposed to give my own name. “I-I’m Billy.”
Tunek watched my hand for a moment, before leaning back in his chair. “So, is this your first time being at one of these?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes. I’m only here because of a friend.”
Tunek nodded. “Hey, as long as it gets you here. Just taking the first step is all it takes to start the journey. I stole that from Dick, but don’t tell him I said that.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
Tunek tilted his head in concern and moved to respond, but Richard returned just before he could speak. “Alright, I’m back with the waters and the snacks, why don’t we all grab one before we start?”
Everyone but me left their spot to grab something from the cooler that Richard brought back. The two Humans returned to their seats with some water and a cereal bar each, but Tunek hesitated when he started to return. He took a step, paused when he saw me, and turned back to grab another water and snack bar. He must have been hungry.
I looked down at myself as he walked back. Even if I was hungry, I didn’t deserve something to eat. My suffering was my punishment for what I had done and what I had failed to do. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t deserve to get better. I’m just dirt, I should just-
“Here you go.”
I looked up to see Tunek handing me a bottle of water and a piece of fruit leather. Tentatively, I reached out and grabbed them. “How’d you know I was hungry?”
Tunek shrugged. “A hunch. It’s a little early for dinner and a bit after lunch and I figured I would be peckish around this time so you might be as well.”
I set the water bottle to the side and peeled open the fruit leather. “Thanks…”
“No problem.”
Richard took a sip of his water as I took my first bite, setting the bottle aside as he began to speak. “Alighty, now that everyone has something to keep them awake, I can start talking. As you might have noticed, we have a new member joining us today. So why don’t we all introduce ourselves? John, do you want to start with a name and a little about yourself?”
The man with short, brown-blonde hair sat up straight. “Sure, I’ll get this started. I’m John, I served the UN for four years before we made first contact, but only served for one after. I’m an only father, but I like to think that my wife is looking down from heaven trying to guide me. However, with how old Rachel is, it feels less like guiding and more strength-giving. Oh, and I hate the taste of lemons. I think that’s about it.”
The mention of lemons caused my stomach to tie itself in a knot. James always hated the taste of lemons. Just another reminder of how useless I am.
The man to the left of John smiled. “I guess it’s my turn. My name is Carter. I served the UN for three years until I was discharged for repeated disorderly conduct. I was in a bad spot for a while, but with the help of Dick here I got out of it. Well, start getting out of it. I still have some… flare-ups, but that’s why I’m here.”
Carter smiled, but it was sad. Tunek let him have his moment of silence, encouraging the veteran to be with his emotions for a moment, before starting his own introduction. “Well, I guess you already know my name, but for the sake of completion, I’ll say it again. I’m Tunek. I served the Venlil Space Force for around one Earth year before first contact, where I served with the UN until the conflict with the Yulpa on Grenelka. I… well… after that I couldn’t serve anymore. Something else… I’ve always wanted to learn how to play an instrument properly, but never had the drive to do it. That’s about it for me. Dick, since you were so kind to leave yourself for last, I think it’s your turn.”
Richard chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is. Well, like I said earlier, my name is Richard, but don’t be afraid to call me Dick. I come from a military family and have always known the dangers of signing up, but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t realize that the war was affecting me until Milieu. Then and there I knew what needed to be done. Once the war was over, I went straight to work creating this.”
Richard paused for a moment to catch his breath. ”I knew that therapists were going to be swamped and many veterans were going to be left behind, so I took what little experience and knowledge I had with my military family and used it to help as many as I could. So now I meet with tons of veterans throughout the week to help them adjust to civilian life and overcome their internal struggles. I’m glad that you have joined us today and hope that we give a good first impression.”
I wasn’t ready for him to stop talking and scrambled to get my words out. “Y-yeah. So far everyone seems nice.”
“Well, if it’s good for you then it’s good for me. With that all out of the way, why don’t we jump right in? I’m not the type to beat around the bush. Let’s start with a simple recap of the week. How have you all been this last week? Any wins, losses, jumps, or setbacks? Remember, there’s no judgment here. We are all suffering together, but we heal together as well.”
The room was silent for a moment, everyone looking for someone else to start the chain, before Carter spoke up. “I guess I’ll go first, if you’ll let me.”
Richard sat down. “Of course Carter, whenever you are ready.”
Carter nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. “I, uh… I had another meltdown, on Wednesday. It came out of nowhere. Happened in the middle of the supermarket, I thought I was… I managed to make it home in time before it really started, but just barely. I was hardly in my room before I started bawling. I… I feel so alone sometimes. I can be in the middle of the supermarket and feel like I’ve been stranded on an island alone f-for years. I m-miss them so much. Y-you all have made it easier, but sometimes… Sometimes it’s too much.”
John placed a hand on Carter’s back and Richard offered a concerned look. “If you ever feel like that, feel free to call me.”
Carter sniffled and wiped away a forming tear. “I know, I know. You’ve told me before, and I almost did, but I thought that you wouldn’t need me bothering you in the middle of the day.”
“Carter, you know I would drop anything to come to your help. Only me dying could stop me.”
Carter leaned back in his chair and laughed even as he wiped away another tear. “Thank you, Dick, but please don’t go dying. You’re too nice for that.”
Richard smiled. “I don’t plan on it anytime soon, Carter. I still have so many more people to help.”
After a moment of silence, John took the initiative and started his own story. “I had a pretty big win this last week. I finally made it through a whole week without having suicidal thoughts.”
Richard smiled widely. “That's wonderful! I told you that you were making progress.”
“I know, but sometimes I feel like I have no purpose anymore. It’s overwhelming. My daughter is old enough to care for herself, I’m only working a menial labor job, I can’t find any hobbies to enjoy… I feel like nothing.”
“But you aren’t ‘nothing,’ you are you. And there is only one of you. I can’t go out and find another John, or another Carter, or Tunek, or Billy. You are all unique, and losing you would be a tragedy.”
Before I could stop myself, I spoke. “Am I really worth saving?”
Everyone went silent for a moment, caught off guard by my words. After Richard deciphered the sudden question, he gave a response with absolute certainty. “Absolutely. There is nothing in this world that can’t be forgiven or overcome.”
“Are you sure? After the things I’ve done… forget I said anything.”
Richard shook his head. “I can’t do that, Billy. I can’t willingly ignore someone in need.”
“I don’t need help. I’m getting exactly what I deserve for what I have done.”
“And what have you done?”
“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
Richard sighed. “That’s okay, for now. Eventually, you will have to come to terms with it, but for now, you can just listen if you want to.”
“Yeah. I think I’m just going to listen.”
I leaned back and crossed my arms, letting Tunek speak his mind. “I think I know what you are going through. Not the specifics, but I think I can get a general idea.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
Tunek was silent for a moment, before looking away from me and speaking. “I was on the Cradle when it fell, and on Sillis when the Arxur raided it, and on Milieu fighting off the Kolshians. I tried to save as many people as I could, but in the end, I could only make their passing less painful. I couldn’t even save my partner. I froze in the moment. I could have saved him. But I was frozen in fear. His death is entirely on my shoulders. I’m still fighting that to this day.”
I stared at Tunek for a second, before turning away and sighing. They didn’t know what I was going through, no one could. They didn’t know my crimes, if they did they would kick me out. Their problems, no matter how real, were nothing compared to mine. They still could be helped, I couldn’t.
Could I? If all these people could heal, why couldn’t I?
Because my crimes are too severe.
I… yeah…
submitted by Crazy-Concern8080 to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 14:56 EmperorSeals Struggling to start, should I switch career?

I (25m) was laid off at my internship last month, only started around mid Jan. I live in London (at home with my parents, so thankfully my costs are low) and I graduated University in 2020 having studied Product Design, when I graduated it was the middle of COVID so I had no idea what to do, I had really low confidence after struggling at uni and had no idea what to go into. I stayed home and worked towards passing my drivng license which I eventually did.
I hadnt worked any kind of job at all so after I year I started working at a local caffeteria at a nature reserve centre. it got me some good experince and helped with my confidence but I felt bad that I wasnt doing anthing around my degree, I loved design and making things so I got into UX/UI Design because of my grapic design skills the seemingly high availability of jobs. So I took some courses and made a portfolio, did some work for a friend of mine but couldnt get anywhere until I found a small agency which took me on for an unpaid internship 2 months, which turned to a 3 month paid internship but I was cut off due to the company not being able to get enough work.
Back in the job market but I have no idea what to do, applying like crazy but it feels impossible to get anywhere, do I need to switch paths? go back to studying? Eveyone around me says "just keep applying". I wanted to avoid work that involved writing or speeking since I'm a very visual person.
At this point it feels like the only thing I'm qualified for are low end cafe/retail jobs, and even these have felt impossible to get.
submitted by EmperorSeals to careerguidance [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 14:53 fanabobari Managing new rescue's fear of men and territorial barking while pregnant

My husband and I are first time dog parents and adopted a very sweet 2-year old mini schnoodle about two and a half weeks ago; she's the most loving cuddly thing. We've fallen absolutely in love with her, and I think she and my husband in particular are soulmates. She seemed to very quickly build trust with the both of us and seems very at home in our apartment. Here's where it gets to the hard part:
One week in, as we were emerging from the honeymoon phase, we took her to my parents' house in the suburbs for mother's day, and she absolutely lost it barking at my dad and was very difficult to calm down and keep calm. She never bared her teeth or lunged, just pretty continuous barking unless I picked her up and held her close. Once we would get her calm, it would start again if my dad stood up or engaged with her directly. Three days later, we had the same experience when my father-in-law came to visit us at our apartment. She seems to have a phobia of older men. Since then, we've tried having other people in our home to test out where she is reactive, and have found her to be territorial and reactive to all men in our home (again, just barking), but it is most difficult to calm her and it can extend outside the home with older men if they engage with her directly. She's very open to and even affectionate with younger men outside the home, and again has developed a very strong bond with my husband. She has also started barking every time she hears a sound outside our apartment door, which is multiple times an hour unless we keep her in the bedroom or office (which we only do when one of us is in those spaces as she is a bit of a shadow). This came as a shock to us as she had been with her foster family before us for a full month and they said they experienced zero reactivity or aggression, and during our first week we had two close friends (including a man) over to the apartment without issue (some naivete here, I know).
These would be issues I'd feel confident working on with her, except that I found out I was pregnant in the middle of that second week when this territorial / fear of men issue emerged. I keep imaging a future wherein we have a new baby and our friends and family cannot enter our home and we have no help with meals or childcare. I keep imaging a future wherein I'm trying to get my baby to sleep and my sweet loving dog is barking her head off in the background and breaking my heart. We have just under 8 months now to reduce her territorial barking and ease her fear of men, while also preparing her for a baby, and I just don't know if that's realistic. We did not intentionally do these two things at exactly the same time, we have been trying to get pregnant and also trying to find the right dog for us for a while, and some how the universe decided to have both things work out at once.
I also want to mention we're not afraid of work and it seems neither is she. In these first two weeks I've already taught her five commands (which she at the moment can only do in low stimulus situations), have worked with her on confidence on walks (she was terrified outside when we got her and now she walks with curiosity and excitement), and have cut her mouthiness while playing in half. We've also started playing audio recordings of my dad speaking to get her more familiar with him, and are planning to try to re-introduce them in a park near our home from a distance and have a dedicated high value treat that she will only get around him. We're also beginning work with a behaviorist tomorrow. I'm still, though, personally stuck in this despair of imaging doing all this work and it getting us nowhere (which is surely heightened by my pregnancy hormones), and I know my own emotional state about this is going to impact our pup, if it isn't already. So I am looking for either reassurance that this is manageable and possible in the time that we have or a reality check that we may have bitten off more than we can chew. Also interested in tips for how to stay positive during a reactivity / fear-based training journey.
submitted by fanabobari to reactivedogs [link] [comments]


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