Apology letters personal

Last week, when I was on a very rare vacation from saving guys from lives of loneliness, someone posted a question asking if AFA is a scam.
I am just going to answer it here, because my answer is long and detailed.
Romance Is HARD!
First, the dating industry is simply impossible, because it is trying to help people, often deeply flawed people, find love. This is the most personal, most private, and most deeply emotional journey in someone's life and it is a challenging journey for everyone. Most first dates don't lead to second dates and most second dates don't lead to people becoming a couple, and most couples do not get married, and over 40% of American couples are not married ten years later.
But if at any point in this chain an AFA client ends up angry and disappointed - including decades later - he very well might rage that AFA is a scam.
And the Romance Industry Is HARDER Than Regular Romance!
AFA is not just an electronic introduction app like Tinder or other dating apps. They actually introduces thousands of men and women in person every single year.
They employee dozens of matchmakers and have scores of affiliated dating agencies in Ukraine, Thailand, Colombia, and roughly a dozen other countries. That is complicated. They have something like 30k women in the database. That is a huge logistical challenge.
In fact, if you really think about it is amazing how successful they have been.
But lets look closer at the overwhelming proof they are not a scam:
AFA Has Been In Business Almost Thirty Years.
If they were a scam they would have been sued out of existence long ago. They are based in Phoenix. They are not some mysterious site with an office in Malta. They can be sued or even prosecuted under US law.
AFA Is Almost The Only American International Matchmaker Left In Business
IMBRA has a whole slew of requirements, including inspections by the US State Department, and most other matchmakers either collapsed under the pressure or moved off-shore. AFA didn't. That alone speaks volumes for their integrity.
AFA Has Introduced Tens of Thousands of Happy Couples.
Take a look at the testimonials. They have hundreds of testimonials and on this sub they have numerous defenders who actually have used their service.
AFA Has Been Relentlessly Investigated By the Media Over and Over
Reporters love breaking big stories of crime, corruption and scandal. Most of the journalists who have looked at AFA over the last thirty years have thought they were going to break a big story because of the urban legends about international dating. But take a look at their media page. It is almost universally positive, and if its really a scam all of these people have to be in on it too.
AFA Has Been Studied By Academics In More Detail Than Any Dating Company
But my favorite source on AFA are the numerous academics who have studied them - often for years on end - over the years. These scholars were often certain they were going to uncover a worldwide criminal conspiracy. Instead, most of them become openly supportive.
You can read an entire article about academic research on international dating,but here is the conclusion of Dr. Julia Meszaros after studying the company for several years, attending numerous socials, and interviewing scores of participants. She wrote: “…AFA is a completely legal, legitimate marriage introduction agency....”
Are they all in on the scam? Well, I can assure you if they had discovered it was a worldwide criminal conspiracy they would have gotten tenure faster and sold more books.
Joking aside, the academics are in the best position to determine what AFA's operations and motives are, because they are intelligent, driven, and often spend years studying the company.
AFA Is NOT Perfect
AFA has problems. Their letter system is loaded with issues, but it also allows men to contact women they could never meet otherwise. I have discussed these issues in scores of posts.
And, unlike any of the large dating apps, AFA does vet its women. That is incredibly rare, because most dating apps are loaded with fake profiles and bots.
A few years ago Ashley Madison's female profiles were over 99% fake, and most studies find at least 10% of profiles on the big domestic apps are fake. The owner of one small app, Findmate, who spends a lot of time vetting profiles claims about 75-80% of profiles he receives from the main international dating countries are from sophisticated scammer gangs.
So, AFA does try to vet everyone, but it cannot see into a woman's heart. Yes, she could just lie to them throughout the process about her intentions, and guess what? Even the CIA and MI-5 have failed to catch every bad apple and they really vet their applicants. Some liars get through. That's life.
Evaluate The Evidence Yourself
I purposely leave up posts, because Reddit is FULL of power crazy mods who delete everyone who disagrees with them and bans many users regularly. I have been banned many times and I find it incredibly annoying, so I almost never ban anyone and rarely remove comments.
I am trying to encourage guys to do their own research and decide for themselves what is best. So, take a look at the evidence and decide for yourself what you believe is the best approach.
Best Wishes!

[CW: talk of ableism and trauma]
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TL;DR: My dad said to my mom when I took out my new fidget toy after a fairly traumatic day: “he’s (not my preferred pronouns) just going into ‘Autistic Mode’”. He said that he would look into group homes tomorrow again because I “treat them like shit”. I shut down around them, and have been doing so for at least a week or more. I don’t have a job, freshly graduated from college as of December, and I have been struggling to get interviews. I have been using my university’s career services and got accepted into Vocational Rehab, but my parents keep threatening to kick me out of the house and be done with me.
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For reference, I am highly confident I am Autistic and ADHD, but I have not been officially diagnosed. I have a referral and am in the process. My med manager is treating me with non-stimulants which work well and have increased executive function. I have also been exploring my being queer over the last few years, but only recently tried to explain to my parents in totality last November.
I knew they are queerphobic, and I knew that I annoy / upset them when I don’t talk and engage, and that when I talk it’s too much and not about the right thing. I just wanted to believe I was wrong. I wanted to believe I was reading into things because I’ve had so many past experiences where what I felt and what I thought turned out to be false. And they say they love me, and they love me so much that they hate to see me in pain, and so I wanted to believe that it’s true.
The last few days have been hard. My parents had family friends over (that have known me since I was a baby, and they have two adult children that didn’t come this round) for memorial day weekend from out of state. Since seeing the friends last, I have been doing a lot of self-discovery and further accepting the queer parts of myself. I hadn’t been planning to change my name, until by happenstance I found one online that I wanted to be mine due to it's simplicity and androgynous nature. But my parents (and my brother, though he has trans friends) have not been supportive. I just thought they raised me and gave me a name they picked out and so didn’t want to use a new one. It doesn’t make it better, but it’s something.
But they have made it clear in past conversations that it would be unfair for me to tell family friends and extended relatives. And so I spent all of last week before the weekend trying to debate whether I should tell the family friends that were coming over in a text message before they arrived. I tried to summon the courage, but I ended up not doing that. So when I first saw them, I shut down when their first words were “Hey, ”. I decided that I would make myself scarce because I knew I would just keep shutting down and having trouble speaking with them. Literally, it would be the same as with my parents where either the words don’t come or I don’t have the energy to get them past my throat.
So, I tried to be polite when I saw them and just didn’t engage in extensive conversation. When they left, my dad told me I was rude and selfish, and that I need to write them a letter to apologize. I ended up sending them a text today to apologize (didn't explain everything), but I didn’t want to send a letter because I am tired of using my dead name, and I would need to sign it.
I have been trying to avoid my parents even though we live in the same house because I don’t have a job yet. I recently graduated from college in December, but I have not been able to get interviews. I have been making use of my university’s career services and made appointments with the head of engineering to make my resume more appealing in terms of software engineering. I graduated with Interdisciplinary Studies focusing on Computer Science, Creative Writing, and Linguistics. I just want a job right now, and computer jobs pay well. I am hoping to figure out something beneficial in Creative Writing later, maybe Ghost Writing or something that might pay better than that. I also got accepted to use Vocational Rehab, and so I have been working with them.
But, since I am avoiding my parents, they believe I am trying to make it clear that I hate them. They consistently say that I “treat them like shit” and I am “lazy and just want an easy life”. Today has been a hard day after all the turmoil over the last week, and so I have had very little energy. I thought I could be experiencing depression, but I know what that feels like and where it leads. I am not there yet. So, I think the best word to describe it is probably dejected. Like the people who are constantly in my life don’t want me. In the late afternoon, I decided I didn’t just want to sit up in my room anymore, so I drove down to my bookstore to browse, and then checked to see if I could refill my meds. I had about an hour where I started feeling happy and enjoying myself, especially being able to browse the books and look at the descriptions on the back and recording the ones I want to read for later.
When I got home for dinner so my parents didn’t get mad, it was like all that happiness disappeared the moment I saw them. I could not move my face even if I wanted to, to pretend like I was cheery and all right. We got dinner out, and then I sat down. The counselor I like seeing at career services is also an ADHDer. I saw her last week to go over more plans for jobs, and she showed me the various baskets of stim toys she keeps on her bookshelf to hand out to students. She gave me one that’s a tightly knit, long rectangle and has a small glass ball inside. You squeeze it and the ball moves back and forth.
I haven’t used stim toys much growing up because I thought I was supposed to bear all the frustration and anxiety. But I have been trying to treat myself kinder over the last few months. So, I’ve been taking that stim toy with me, and had it when I went to the bookstore. With dinner set up, my parents were trying to get me to interact and “be better”. Without thinking, I took out the stim toy. My dad said I was going into “Autistic Mode” and that they can’t do anything. He will look at group homes again tomorrow.
…
Up until that moment, I had doubts. I thought that they really were trying to accept me and it was just hard, especially with all the queerness and years of mental health management (since 2019 when I broke down). But over the last month or so, I’ve had various times where I needed to record my mental health history for intake and I started talking about my parents and how I am starting to recognize the gaslighting and emotional abuse.
I have also been trying hard to remember the good moments. But I can't remember a moment where I was showing signs I am clearly Autistic or ADHD, and that they genuinely enjoyed and loved it. Especially as I've gotten older. I remember them expecting me to get good grades in school from the beginning. If it wasn't "A"s they were upset, and if I failed a test they told me to study again and took me down to school to convince the teacher to let me test again. If I couldn't prove I knew the material and the teacher didn't let me retake it, then I was shunned on the way home.
I want so much to be wrong. I want so much for them to be right and that it's me who is abusing them like they say it is. I don't know why--I don't really feel any emotional love for them and I don't think I ever did, I just don't want them to suffer--but if I am the one who's hurting them then maybe I can change and stop. Maybe I can get better and show them love and be nice to them like they deserve. I wouldn't need to make a plan to estrange myself from them when I am on my feet to better take care of myself. I wish it was me.
I don't know why I am writing all of this. You all have your own problems and don't need to load on mine, and I am not going to pretend I have it the worst even just in my own city. I also feel manipulative, like I am only writing the bad parts and that I should try to remember and describe the good parts.
I just don't have anyone I can talk to right now. I have been out of therapy for a few months. I have been on wait lists for more experienced therapists dealing with gender-affirming care, since that has become a bigger problem. I have something scheduled for the middle of next month with a more general therapist and a referral to a specialized therapist as well.
But I just want to talk to someone who understands. I don't have that in my life. When doctors ask me if I have anyone I can just vent to or trust, I can't think of anyone. I have one friend, but since graduating we only meet up once a month. I can share a lot with her and she is supportive, but then I feel like that one meeting is filled with me trying to vent and seek therapy from her. I don't really want more social interaction, but I want to feel like someone sees me, the real me, and they actually like what they see.
I plan to call the suicide hotline tomorrow. Not because I am suicidal, but because I was told I don't need to be suicidal to call. I know my parents will hear me on the phone if I call tonight, and I don't really want to spend a long time writing out the words in a text to the text number to explain everything when the person on the other end might not be able to fully understand, and so they would just tell me what they think I need to hear. But I guess I'd get the same from the phone call.
I don't know how to wrap this up, and it sounds when I read this over like I am quite lucid and therefore being petty by putting this here. I am lucid, but it doesn't really help me feel better. I can't lie to myself anymore; I've been trying so hard to not lie to myself when I spot it. I am sorry for the long rambling and various tangents. I just want to put this somewhere where people might understand.

For the past week, I've been remembering things from my past that I'm ashamed and guilty of, like big mistakes I made that hurt people that I've apologized to by now and they've forgotten about it, plus just tonight I got a letter from some company I've never heard of saying my info got hacked in a data leak, and I've been deleting/changing passwords to prevent this again bc I checked on "Have I Been Pwned," and I was, which showed that just some usernames and passwords were leaked, but apparently so was my IP, email, and location, though that was on Wattpad, so I'm not too worried about that I think, and now I'm anxious asf that maybe my info like my SSID and browser history could've been/could be out there, even though I'm sure they're not bc I probably would've known, and I'm scared as to what would happen to me of they were bc who knows what would happen then!!?
Fuck, this week has had my anxiety, guilt, and self-loathing almost as bad as the last time I moved! I don't know how much sleep, if any I'm gonna get tonight, or if I'll still be worried about this tomorrow! EVEN THOUGH I THINK I FIXED THE PROBLEM, I CAN'T STOP CONSIDERING THE WORST OUTCOME!!! FUCKKKK!!!!!!!! I wish I could afford a fucking therapist to talk this shit out with, but I can't! My next best hope is that while summer courses are happening at my University I can see if there's a counselor I can talk to who might have some tips for me, because holy SHIT my anxiety's never been this bad! God dammit, fuck me!

My husband during a argument about me being disrespectful which I still don’t feel like I was but anyways during that argument he brought up divorce threw something which made my Dr Pepper go across the floor and then went into our bedroom (ran) and put our AR into his mouth. I looked and said oh wtf grow tf up and walked out this is the second time the first time is was a pistol to the dome. He then came out and said “God is really on my side” like he didn’t do it bc of God. I am about to put my home on the market a house I bought by myself and where I am anything owned before marriage is considered yours to buy a home twice my personal budget I am so confused please help I need advice the argument started over the fact that I was vacuuming with a tank top on you could see my nipples through with a carpet repair man in the home. I was literally looking like shit while working to get my home to sale for a better home for us my nipples were the last thing on my mind. Anyways I turned the vacuum off and walked out the back door talking shit about the situation. He said bc I was talking out loud it’s considered disrespectful and demanded I apologize or else he would divorce me “on his gmas soulllll” . Also he let me know I was crazy and mentally unstable for talking out loud to myself. I keep crying and am amazed by the fact that our life is so disposable to him and he is telling me I’m acting like the victim. I’m still amazed I’m here asking for advice. Why do I allow things like this to happen? Why do I not have the strength to just cut him off for this behavior? Why do I make accuses? Why do I force myself to live like this ? How should I move forward? Am I acting like a victim for crying about this shit ? Like how is this normal? Am I actually just tripping? Sorry everything is all over the place I’m emotional asf while writing this .

Am I the only one confused about people saying that Percy and Nico never getting to talk about Nico's crush is a missed plot point? What exactly is Percy suppose to want to hash out with Nico about his crush?

1. Percy is in a committed relationship and is clearly in love with his girlfriend.
2. As far as we know Percy is straight and returns no romantic feelings for Nico
3. Percy returning romantic feelings for Nico would make Percy the level of creep that Luke returning feelings for Annabeth was considering their age difference especially around the time when they first met.
4. Percy and Nico never had any intense level of relationship that they needed to talk things through and get on the same page. This is where fandom exaggeration really becomes annoying. Nico has been nothing but borderline mean and hostile to Percy throughout most of PJO and Percy treated Nico like a responsibility that he didn't want. There was never anything more intense in their relationship because it honestly if you remove the crush aspect it just read as a reluctant big brother slash little brother dynamic. Rick suddenly adding that Nico has a crush on Percy in HoO doesn't change the canon of their relationship dynamic in the first series so what exactly is Percy suppose to need to harsh out with Nico now that he knows Nico once had a crush. They left the first series on decent terms and minus Nico lying about knowing Percy in SoN they really don't have anything that they need to "hash out" because of Nico's reveal of a crush.

I personally think the scene where Percy found out about the crush is great. Nico's crush on Percy was never about Percy or how Percy feels about it. Percy does not return any romantic feelings for Nico (at least we're assuming Percy is not a predator). What's important is that Nico worked though his feelings and was able to move on and can now just be friends with Percy who is now someone he does not have any major feelings for beyond just finding him attractive. This isn't some big kumbaya moment to make Nico's reveal about Percy.
I'm genuinely confused by people who think Percy and Nico were meant to have some sort of heart to heart after Nico's reveal. Am I crazy? What exactly was that conversation suppose to be? I'm relating it to the real world and the fact that people do have crushes on their friends sometimes and a heart to heart is never needed if/when they chose to reveal that. The only reason this would have been needed is if Nico had told Percy about his crush and Percy had a bad reaction then yeah, a conversation and an apology would have been needed from Percy. But that wasn't the case here so why would Percy have to have any major conversation with Nico because Nico revealed he had a crush on him? Why would that be remotely necessary? Percy had nothing to apologize for and truthfully neither did Nico outside of being a little standoffish which he pretty much explained the reasoning for when he revealed his rush (which he wasn't obligated to).

I'll make this short and sweet, coming up on my 1 year B.I.S soon (got my letter 2 or 3 weeks ago and passed on a copy to management). Haven't had management say anything to me since passing it on, was wondering who is the deciding person when it comes to reappointment? It would be nice to know if we are getting appointed again before the break happens.

My (26F) partner's (22F) best friend doesn't like me. We will call the friend P. They've been friends for years with a break in between (due to disagreements). When I started dating my partner, she wasn't friends with P. A few months into our relationship, she rekindled her friendship with P.
Our relationship was rocky initially with heated arguments and constant disagreements. We've since worked hard on our communication and relationship, making significant improvements. We're now happy and plan to move in together at the end of the summer.
Despite our progress, P still holds a grudge against me. Initially, she preferred hanging out with my partner alone, which I understood. I made efforts to get to know P better, including one-on-one conversations and texting her pictures of my partner's cat to make things more personable. She didn't reciprocate; conversations were cut short, and texts went unanswered. I accepted this because of my partner's value in their friendship.
The situation worsened when P invited my partner to a party but enforced a "no plus one policy." This hurt because I had been trying to befriend her. My partner chose not to attend and confronted her. We later discovered P lied about the policy, simply not wanting me there. My partner then distanced herself from P, which I appreciated.
Now, my partner wants to rekindle her friendship with P. I expressed my feelings of disrespect from past events, but my partner insisted I "figure it out" because she values their friendship. She also expects me to be okay with P visiting when we live together, which upset me. This led to a fight where I accused my partner of not respecting my feelings, and she accused me of being controlling.
P is willing to apologize and have a conversation with me, but I still want nothing to do with her. My partner thinks I'm wrong for making her choose between us, but I feel I'm standing up for myself. AITAH?

We have a new hire (about two months now) in our department D28 that I do not vibe with. This is also a rant-ish post so I don't give much sht for the grammar use. I apologize.
To start, I have a pretty nice relationship with most of our department even though I am a new hire myself. But two months ago, we got a new hire with a bossy attitude for someone so young. I don't mind bossy people, sometimes I am one myself if I am stressed, but I apologize when I know I sound like one since I am not a boss... but this one has a vibe that is not vibin'.
They mostly work as associate and recovery (for the last hour of the store) but their recovery is not recovering unless our DH is working closing.
Memorial Day had been a triggering day in this cold war. I was at the mulch pit area helping a customer load mulch and soil up, and I have a clear view of the garden center gate where they stand. I cannot get an extension, but I guess they got a call/intercom for wheat straw. Again, I can see where they are STANDING, and has been for the past 5-ish minutes while I'm loading up the customer. A few seconds pass, and I got a walkie call asking me if I can get a wheat straw for a customer because "We are helping a customer load something up." By "we," I believe they mean another associate who went to the pit to get some soil for a customer, the associate I am now helping since I just finished loading the last car, who heard the walkie and said, "I'll get the straw, can you load this for her (the customer in the car now behind me — and no, the associate I have beef with is nowhere to be seen)?" to which I gladly said, "yes" and ignored the walkie call. I said I believe since there was no other car (except in lumber area) that ever pulled up apart from the one who needed soil.
Do they assume I don't work unless I can get a call from SD or Cashiers or managers? (Read: Do they assume I am like them?)
Not the first time this happened. A month ago, I was helping a customer with another D28 associate, and I needed to spot them. Obviously, a work that needs two people. Like this time, they walkied me to ask if I can help a customer with a locked item because they were busy (I later learned from SD that there were three of them waiting for a customer to pull up and just chatting around when the call came, and SD cashier just happened to walk past them on the way to curbside). Anywoooo, since this time they were one month new, I was about to say "yes but give us 5 minutes" when my reach driver said "give me the phone" and answered the walkie with "we're currently busy helping customers in this area now, we cannot go there" and press leave call.
Not also the second time. About a week ago, they walkied me to tell me that a customer needs help. I know they are not walkie-ing the whole department since they call me by name. Another D28 associate (different from the past two cases) and a key-holder (who we called to open a gate) were with me and heard the call, and they both looked like "was that seriously a call?" with the associate going "DID [THEY] JUST TELL YOU TO FUCKING GO BACK INSIDE WHEN YOU'RE HELPING A CUSTOMER OUT HERE?" Anyway, I ignored that walkie, too. They can complain to someone I am ignoring their calls, but I don't care. I am doing my job and working and everyone (including them) knows it.
SD and other associates are not the only ones saying this to me, too. Garden cashiers would complain about how some people (they're also not naming names but the clues about their attire for that day was a given) would just walk around in their personal phone and they could see them and hear their phone ringing, and they just keep walking and ignoring the call. Told me they shouldn't get an extension if they won't bother using it.
The way they would say it, too, is as I've said at the beginning... very bossy.
I'm very petty, so when others in my department or the whole store would walkie me or call me to ask if I can help, I would happily answer with yes and to give me some minutes as I am with a customer, etc, etc. But when it's them... I straight up ignore it. I love garden department, and our managers and DHs are chill, and I don't mind if they ask me to do things for the day. It's chaotic, it's so large, but that means no boring day.
Oh, and I haven't expounded on their work like going to 15-minute break three to four times a day excluding their lunch. Hiding in the aisle when the store is busy. Not packing down. Walking down aisles that definitely needs front-facing and just looking around.
And this pisses me off: getting at least 32 hours per week being like this. IN SPRING. IN D28. I don't know, but I do hope they are temporary.
To end this: any tips to become more petty?

Excuse if this is a little messy. I hardly use reddit, and this entire situation is stressing me out to the point of shakiness and illness. On that not, onto the story.
So, for a bit of context, I am a very, very new adult. I just graduated high school, and I've never had the best relationship with my family besides my mom and brother. I was still very distant from my mom because of some slight neglect in the past. I don't blame her for it because she's a single mom and was working a very hard job.
Extra context, my mom had also been planning a California trip. She had changed the plans every other day. Me and my fiance couldn't keep up with it, especially because he had a work venture there.
The past few months, I had been going out with my boyfriend, now fiance ( we'll call Ax ). My mom had been pretty hard on me because of this. Saying how, "I'm not home enough," and, "I need to help with (this this and this)." So, I was already getting a little fed up. I just wanted an escape from the house which is honestly not a very healthy living space due to my fairly slobbish family. Everytime I would go home she would bombard me with stuff, which I never had to do before, so it made me want out more.
I'm just going to summarize the build up by saying, there were quite a few arguments and she never seemed to listen to me. I also have a super hard time communicating my feelings and confrontation so participating in an argument is a big deal.
Now we get to the big night. The last thing we "talked" about was the California trip and how Ax's parents won't let him go if we stay at her friend's house. She got upset and stormed off. Me and Ax were upset so we went to his birth mom's ( we'll call her Cat ) house to take a break. It didn't really help. I had gotten fed up with all of the arguing and bitterness from my mom. All of the snide comments to Ax. I texted her that I was moving out and wasn't going on the California trip. ( I was moving into Cat's house. )
Now should I have texted her? Probably not, but texting helps me form my thoughts into words. I express more clearly through text, and shut down on the phone and especially in person.
She calls and I freak out and hand the phone to Ax. Mistake number 2. A bit about Ax, he is very very protective of me, especially with some of the stuff I've told him about my family and my dad. He doesn't want me to go through the same thing again. He's also a big jokester but is autistic so he doesn't really get when not to do some of his joking tones and words. They also come off as very disrespectful sometimes and he was kind of tired of her. So my mom is angry.
She tells me to come home within 5 minutes. I very shaky get in the car and we head there. We get there and she takes the keys to the car and my phone. Tells me to come inside and talk alone. Now, I get where she's coming from, but I HATE feeling cornered. I need someone else there by my side or I just shut down. It socks and makes things a lot harder with this kind of stuff. Now the rest is a but of a blur but she gets aggressive. No physical violence, but she does get in my face. I back up and she starts acussing me of telling people I'm violent though I haven't. It blurs again and suddenly I'm packing my things and leaving. My brother (15) by my side sad to see me leave this way.
The night goes by and I hear nothing from her. The next day she texts. I don't remember many of the texts, but I do remember being stressed out and not replying to things often. I tell her I need some time.
Few days go by with few texts I answer and a couple calls I don't. Then we get to church just a few days after the big night and an argument over text starts. She acusses Ax of lying, stealing, and vandalizing her car. The "lying" was a joke he made about his origins that I took seriously at first, I am a very slow person, that he had not realized I took seriously until very very later on. On the stealing, he had not stolen from some of the places acussed, but we did have a separate incident that was true. However, he's done his best to make it up and has not done anything like it since. He got punished by me and his parents. She still thinks he should've gotten worse. He's especially tried to make it up to my mom because he had lost her full trust and she was very obvious about it and still hasn't forgiven him to this day. The vandalizing was him working on the car, but not fixing it fully, because, we'll, she took the car before he could.
I talked about getting my legal documents, the entire point I was texting her in the first place, she brought up Ax herself. I misunderstood her and thought she was wanting to keep them from me so threatened legal action. I won't go deep into this because I'm not a lawyer, but ultimately it was more a threat to get my stuff. She said that I could get my stuff from the garage. Remember when I told you that my family was slobish? Yeah, I have no clue where these documents are and the garage is stacked to the sealing so it's going to take me a bit. I don't want to, but it's the only way to get my documents.
I completely give up at this point. I already said I needed a bit of time, but she continued to text. When I didn't answer email me a mental health line. The only times I would talk to her was to get my stuff. She started making facebook posts warning about toxic relationships, and how losing loved ones without making peace is terrible. This continues for a bit then stopped a couple days ago. The last thing I got, just a few hours ago, was an email. I will be quoting it word for word but changing names blah blah, you know how privacy works.
"Hi, [deadname]! I hope everything is going well for you.
I just wanted to take some time to explain some things. I wanted to tell you these things in person because it really does matter. Reading something is far different from hearing how someone says it. Arguments and misunderstandings should always be fixed in person.
First and foremost, I love you. I would do anything within my power for you. I have always been there for you and I want to continue being there. It breaks my heart that you don't want anything to do with me. I've tried to make you feel loved and supported. I've been active in your interests and activities. I even played Minecraft for you... (Haha)
I wanted to talk to you privately because we will never be able to fix things between us if someone else is involved. And honestly, it's no one else's business. I've never physically or intentionally hurt you so there is no reason to be scared to spend time with me.
What I have tried to tell you through text, is that I did not blow up because you wanted to move out. My response was that we would talk when you got home. That was not blowing up and this is why it is important to communicate in person rather than via text. I wanted to know your plans and see if I could help or add some suggestions that might help. I blew up because of the disrespect. I was being treated like I was nothing and like I've done nothing for you. I tried to explain that I wasn't mad about you wanting to move out. I'm not sure why you thought I would be since we've been talking about it for 6 months.
I apologize to you for how I handled my thoughts and feelings about [Ax]. It shouldn't have been handled that way. I'm not mad that either of you made mistakes. I was mad at the lack of taking ownership of said mistakes. I was mad that I was lied to again when I called out those mistakes.
I just want us to work through this. I love you. I will always love you. I want to help you if and when I can. I always want to be a part of your life. I am hurt that you can so easily throw away our relationship because of one argument. I am hurt that you're acting like I've done something for you to be afraid of me.
My door is always open and I'm always just a phone call away.
Love, Mom"
It makes me feel like I'm in the wrong and I'm actually unsure if I'm being to harsh on her. AITH?
TLDR; I move in with my fiancé. Arguments with mom as she acusses us of things we didn't do besides one thing. Im tired and stressed so go almost no contact. I get an email from her making me rethink my position on the matter.
Edit 1 and 2: Updates to layout of the post.

Demographics: * Gender: Female * race/ethnicity: African American * state: Missouri * First-gen * type of school: Large public school with ~1,600 students (no class rank) * Hooks: First-gen, Extremely Low Income, (hopefully) filing FAFSA as independent, lives in single guardian (sibling) household
Intended Major(s): * Major in Journalism * Minor in Elementary Education * (possibly minor in Spanish)
ACT/SAT/SAT II: * Not to self-deprecate but the scores are pretty bad. * ACT * 26 Composite * Math : 22 * Science : 25 * English : 28 * Reading : 30 * Will take SAT * PSAT=1210, English strengths
UW/W GPA and Rank: * GPA * 3.7 weighted , N/A unweighted
APS * World History - 5 * U.S. Gov & Poli (junior) - ? * English Lang & Comp (junior) - ? * Human Geography (next year)
Awards: * nothing really * ‘Superstar’ award (best student) from math teacher. * Cheerleading: 3rd place (in our division) in the state. * (Hopefully certificate of bi-literacy next year 🤞🏽 )
Sports * Varsity Cheer (2 years) * JV Cheer (1 year) * Varsity Girls Track & Field (1-2yrs) * Varsity Girls Wrestling (1 year)
Other Extracurriculars * Varsity Scholar Bowl (2 years) * Student Council (3 years) * Yearbook Staff (2 years) * 4 years of Spanish Courses
Leadership Roles * NHS (National Honors Society : 1-2 yrs) * Student Council Chair * Student Rep Chair (2 yrs) * Social Media Chair (1 yr) * Quill & Scroll (Journalism Honors Society) * 1-2 yrs * Black Student Honor Society (3 yrs) * Social Media Advisor (1yr) * Scholar Bowl Social Media Advisor (1yr) * (Attempting to create a Spanish club during senior year, will be the president)
Summer (educational) Programs: * ~ 10-day long educational trip to Australia during summer before junior year (through school district) * (Applying for NSIL-Y for the 2nd time this coming fall with the hopes of getting into the Korean or Indonesian summer programs) * (Fall) Yearly HBCU college fair in Virginia (attempting to apply in person to Howard & Spelman there next year). * (probably doesn't count) UCA Cheer camp over the summer (2 yrs)
Essays: N/A (honors student yet I suck at writing about myself)
Recommendation Letters: Haven’t requested them yet, but planning on… * Math Teacher :) - Have him currently, he’s a thorough writer (theater kid), chose me as his student of the year, also my scholar bowl coach. * Journalism/Yearbook Teacher - Love him, teacher for 3 years, has worked with him through yearbook camps & college visits, connections at MIZZOU. * 1 of my school’s 5 principals - Known her for 3 years, Black Honors Society & BSU sponsor (I’m in both & she’s a fellow black woman), she’s currently going to an HBCU (would be good for Howard & Spelman), will most likely go on an HBCU trip with her next spring.
Schools: * University of Hawaii, Manoa (DREAM) * Howard (HBCU DREAM!!) * Spelman College * Mizzou * NYU (extreme reach but dream reach) * UCLA (reach)
Schools (I haven't researched thoroughly): Richmond American University (London), NYU (Bueno Aires Campus), Saint Louis University (Spain Campus)
I know I'm not doing any cool/exceptionally competitive majors (like comp sci or engineering), so with college I'm more interested in the environment. Help me out! 🤍

I need to send a letter to someone. I need to apologize to them. I also want to tell them how I feel about them. It may be the only chance I ever get to. I have the letter all written up and ready to send, but I cannot get myself to do it. I got help from chat GPT to clean it up. I didn't get it to write it for me, just helped to put things in order. It was a mess of my thoughts and full of questions. Now there is only one civil question in the whole thing.
I've had a motivational saying written down on a piece of paper, sitting in my line of sight. It's all the motivation I need, but I just cannot overcome my personal shyness.

So this all started after my dad a took my sister (17) out for a drive to get some more hours (She's learning how to drive) when they got back I was in the kitchen with my mom and my dad make a joke about her and her inability to know her rights from her left.
She is very very sensitive and gets upset over the littlest things that could be considered rude or an insult. Anyways she started crying and went up stairs. My mom proceeded to tell my dad that he can do that with me (15) and my brother (20) but not her, she continues and says that he doesn't need to be the funny guy all the time, and that he needs to stop doing stuff like this and stressing her out and making her cry.
I laugh and tell her that you're one to talk, you stress her out the most out of this entire family, regards to her diabetes and that she (my sister) understands how her body is going to react to specific things like food or insulin or how her blood sugar is going to react to certain temperatures and that maybe if she got some self-awareness she would understand that that she's not perfect.
My mom got really pissed off and told me that I don't know what I'm talking about and that I shouldn't talk to her like that.
I reply with you’re just made because you know I'm right, and that you can't bare the thought of me having more of an understanding of something than you.
My dad chimes in and says politely that I should have said that nicer. (Context I talk in very dead tone that carries very little emotion and a lot of people say I sound pissed off or condescending)
After that situation my dad called me into his office that said that I should apologize to her for being disrespectful. I don't really want to, my mom's not a bad person but I feel that she needed someone to teller that. Am I the asshole?

Hey all! I'm a board game designer in the US who does not understand VAT apparently.... part of our freight went to a UK fulfillment center to send out to international customers. At the time I filed for VAT and got an EORI but (ominously) did not set up PVA which would have allowed me to avoid paying VAT (only to be repaid later.... ?? what is this all about). To say I'm lost is putting it mildly - I think it may actually be a simple thing I need to do (file a VAT return with HMRC? who has been sending me threatening letters), that said not entirely sure where to start.
Anyone have advice or recommendations for someone to talk to about this? I hired an accountant and a bookkeeper but they are both as baffled as I am.... I think I need to find the right person but not sure where to begin there either? I did some searches.... aaaaaand not even sure what I'm searching for.
I design board games so maybe I'll make a game of all this later.... not sure it would be very fun though. Time will tell.
Any insight appreciated! Thanks all.

I'm not understanding why everyone is talking about her in code, you're letting her scare you. Mods on this subreddit have clearly stated she is not a banned topic on this subreddit. I have no interest in bullying or harassing her, I'm not posting her face or content in any way, and names aren't protected by copyright.. so this post shouldn't get removed. A lot of public figures/influencers use copyright laws and cease and desist letters to control the way they are being spoken about and perceived, I personally do not care.
Anywhoooo, does anyone know how her merch is being made? Where is it being manufactured and shipped from? Is the production process ethical? FYI, consumers have the right to ask questions about the origin and production processes of the products they are purchasing and are even encouraged to do so, so I'm not breaking any laws if Lily Chapman claims I am <3 Just curious if it's being sustainably made.

I've always been a pretty easily attached person to others. I've always cared about others and wanted to do the best by them. I would invest too much of myself in them and neglect myself and my health and safety. There are times I would be dependent on a person and based on how they would feel or act would affect my mood. I've realized this is unhealthy and a lot of it is engrained in me because of trauma during my childhood and teenage years.
Back in November I had a fight with a close friend. We had recently started being in contact after her ghosting me and a lot of others in her life for a month. The fight though was because I was heavily dealing with depression and some dark thoughts and had been depending on her to help balance my mood. (I realize now this is very unhealthy, especially with the way I was doing it) I got angry that she didn't reply to a text until after I said forget it (saying forget it about the text I had sent before - I think the day before?) and she responded saying "okay" and then i blew up. She had valid reasons for not responding but I still ending up getting even more upset and unstable. I apologized to her in a text and shit my phone down. I ended up having to go the hospital later that day because of an attempt. I didn't text or call to let her know.
When I got out I told her what happened and we didn't meet until in December in person to talk things through and actually verbally and clearly discuss our boundaries. She told me that there are times she cannot communicate whatsoever and that those times may last for hours, days, weeks, months, or longer. I told her that's understandable and I would be okay with it as long as she just gave me a heads up that she won't be able to communicate in any way and if she could to give me a timeframe. We both came to a compromise of me giving her space and her letting me know when I'm putting too much stress on her and saying when she'll go radio silent.
Flash forward to late February of this year and she can't come celebrate my birthday, which is okay because she had valid reasons and needed rest. I'm bringing this up because it was the last time we actually communicated. She eventually sent a text late March saying she won't be responding "for a while" after I had messaged her asking how she was. I've texted her a few times since then. Sent pictures of my cats and asking how she was. Making sure I never texted more than twice in a month to not pressure her but let her know I care.
However about a week ago I texted her saying that I won't be contacting her first anymore because I'm tired of seeming to be the only one caring. I undergoing through hard times and needed space and isolation, just I expressed my boundary very clearly with her that I would need a warning and if possible a time frame. I explained to her that without a timeframe I would just be anxious until she eventually texted back and she did say she wouldn't "for a while" but it's been months and I'm exhausted about constantly worrying about her and checking to see if she's texted or even read any of my messages.
Idk, I'm just worried I acted too rash in texting her that I won't contact first. I did say that she's welcome to text me when she can and wants, I just don't want to be reaching out and feeling like I'm ignored.
I've talked to my therapist about it before and she believes that if I feel that my boundaries are being ignored then I need to reevaluate my friendship with her. I agree but honestly I'm scared of losing a friend but I'm so tired as well. I know no one is going to make the decision for me and that at the end of the day the decision is up to me, I would just like to get some other people's perspective of it.

I fell in love with a part 2 months ago. We are in an AFAB body that has, among many other things, OCD, limerence, and deep insecurities.
We already had/have an outer-gf, but my inner-gf feels more like "mine". Who else can I feel their joy in my heart like it's my own... Maybe it's very indirect self love, we all have mild variations of the body's face, and I love looking in the mirror more sense loving her...so who knows. Don't care. I love her. I still do...
My inner-gf is soft, frilly, sparkly and likes pink since we were kids, and I'm ... The opposite. I am a polite but ill-mannered neurotic punk who overshares when their nervous... Ever sense our teens. The body is almost 30 now. Why we never realized we were different ppl between the amnesia, dissociation, and personality overhauls beats me. Maybe I thought I was a phase. Really funny and obvious in hindsight.
She likes being scooped up, and I like scooping. We're addictingly compatible, we can go anywhere and do anything together, and most of all we understand our pain ...and it feels amazing.
But here's all the fucked up stuff I can't tell anyone. You rdy?
My age-sliding gf holds the memories of our fathers CSA, our masc shell alters kindnesss reminds her of the father she wished she had, and now my gf is suffering intrusive sexual attraction to him because we have OCD, and we've all struggled with inappropriate sexual feelings toward any one who makes us feel safe, Because our father, our brothers, our cousins, every male person we trusted preyed on us, and it's making literally everyone in the system feel terrible, especially my gf who is now feeling suicidal for for corrupting the safest outlet she had to heal it.
This is just... Torture. It's literal torture and we're all tired.
We are both healing hypersexual parts too. I have some of those SA memories, but it's incredibly vague.
Long story: you don't have read, I just... I've seen other systems dump, and I need it... I really need it right now I'm so tired.
She coped by sexualizing her victimization, i coped by sexualizing victimizing. I've never actually victimized anyone, but I liked very "borderline" porn from the perspective of the "initiator" ,I'll say that. I have sense stopped watching it now because I realized playing "predator" is so I don't have to confront how I was preyed on... I am hypervigilant about anything that could scare her or me now.
I put in work to be better. Especially now with my sparkly GF who age regresses when she's vulnerable... Our intrusive thoughts are mutually corrosive sometimes, and my worst fear is being a monster like our father.
So... Falling in love with her meant we had to confront those wounds. I was afraid I was a monster, and she only knew monster love, so... not being able to hide them those intrusive thoughts, and having the subject just go "it's okay🌸 I like being afraid!!" Took all of my stength to rise above our mutual depravity.
It was hard, sometimes hilarious, but we actually did it. I taught her real love is when someone respects your consent. There's no such thing as "loving someone so bad you can't resist them", that's what parasites do, not ppl who love you. It made both of us trust me more, because given the chance, i never hurt her.
Apparently , that whole time I didn't realize that I'm not the only one who's afraid of being a monster... So is our shell. Let's call him "Sheller". Sheller is a strange person. I'm a strange person. We get along well now that they realize they're a part too, not a container, or robot. We still do, things are just... Awkward... It's not his fault...
Sometimes I'd blend with Sheller, and they'd struggle to seperate my love for my gf from their own. They're like me in that they don't really feel like a woman either. So we both felt NB. Till he realized he didn't.
This poor dude... Had no idea the can of worms identifying as masculine would open. The dude just wanted to see himself, and when he did, it was a big healing thing to stop feeling like he only existed as our shadow. Truly, nothing is different now, he's just like 8 inches taller, boob-less, and his shoulders are wide. He's just as nice and safe as before, although more afraid of hurting us now.
I tbh didn't mind he thought my gf was cute, cuz she is!!! I trust him , and Of course he likes being around her, she's like sunshine and rainbows, it feels good to feel her joy, and when he blends with her he just fades in the back without thinking. He blends and expresses with everyone, it's his job lol. He also feels genuine joy when I am happy, and he supported and mediated our couple issues, he has and continues to be really supportive of us. He works a job and gets us shit he doesn't care about just cause it makes us happy. But I knew he was always quietly lonely. He loved seeing my gf get scooped up by me, cause she's a part of him too, a part that needs to feel loved and cherished. We all baby her tbh, but he never crossed any boundaries.
But then, this month, he fell in love with our old shell... "Shelley". Shelley had been inside an inner "infirmary" for a bit. She went through... so much for us. Shelley couldn't talk for years after ...And when she was finally discharged with his help... They bonded over the unique trauma of being shells, and being intense and weird. And when I say this dude was down bad, I mean it, he was down bad. Me and my gf are like treble, but they're BASS. Their love was so deep, and inspiring. Me and my gf were so happy, it felt like our awkward and stunted older brother fell in love and was opening up. We were going to have a cool older couple to bond with, and they were both just funny to watch too. We also remember reaching through Shelley, who never knew she was a system, but took care of us somehow even so, so we already cared for her.
My gf was happy for them, but started getting triggered by the glimpses she would see of their intimacy, and it made her think of the things she saw our parents doing by accident. And shed pop up sometimes when Shelley would feel those bright frilly things, and it would confuse her and make her uncomfortable.
She got really upset at Sheller one day and age regressed, telling everyone how uncomfortable it made her feel, pointing fingers and crying. Sheller felt terrible... He apologized profusely to my gf, asked how to make amends, and I did my part to soothe the rift between them too.
My gf felt very ashamed of both her regression and otp reaction, so she apologized for triggering his intrusive thoughts about being a monster again. She realized when she was big again that she was misdirecting anger at our father onto him, because Sheller is actually safe. She said she thinks she just wished she had pointed fingers at our Dad when he did what he did.
I think Shellers reaction to her discomfort was so gracious, kind, and safe... that she realized how much better things would have been for her if our Dad was like Sheller.
So she asked him if he could be her Dad. ... Lmao
He, understandably, insisted he was not stable enough to do that. He has too many intrusive thoughts he was still healing from, and could not risk both his own and her mental stability having even more responsibility on top of what he does. He was also honest that he saw my gf had some weird intrusive thoughts already slipping through and making him further uncomfortable. He said if he didn't share a brain, he would accept in a heartbeat, cause he likes taking care of us. And she accepted that well, but was sad.
She apologized about the intrusive thoughts, but when she thought about it more deeply, she explained she never had a safe male role model who didn't prey on her. That she wishes she had someone who could model familial love for her, and be a safe source of intamacy when she just wanted to be held without worrying it would turn sexual. She said I'm safe, but her attraction to me and mine to her reinforced the blurry lines she has around healthy admiration and sexuality. Me being the one to love her romantically but also hold her while shes age regressed sometimes makes her feel she's still warping those lines. I understand it, cause tbh, Sheller made me feel safe in that way too, but more like a brother.
He maintained his stance but said he already saw her as something like family. She realized it was enough to just know he loved her, and wasn't going to forget about her, and that we could all have family events with games or movies, and that was enough for her to move on happily.
The next day Sheller and Shelley had a beautiful date. They kept it inncoent in case my gfs signal was pulled in by accident. It was, but it wasn't a big deal, they were just dancing. I came out too so my gf felt less awkward. We had a whole evening together the four of us, and it was very fun. We just danced to our fave songs and listened to the rain storm.
My gf actually felt so happy and content. Id dance with her, and she's look over and see Shelley and Sheller laughing at us and waving at her. She was so happy, and felt like she finally had a family. But it was like... Out of nowhere she began spiraling.
She felt like she was going to lose all of us. She felt like she'd do something to mess things up. That her heart was breaking, or someone else's was. She couldn't place where it was coming from. Just heartbreak. Twisting sickening dread. Fear of abandonment. She started pulling back again and we all tried to comfort her to no help.
I switched in to comfort her more easily... But then I felt it too... It was like this depressive miasma... I started having all the same fears. Maybe I was just blending, but it was so confusing
She spent so long trying to understand why she felt this way, and testing different ideas, and now shes having those intrusive sexual attraction to Sheller really high.
Everyone involved feels fucking terrible now.
My gf has become incredibly depressed. She's terrified I'll leave her over this- and yeah, it's pretty disturbing and triggering for me, but I'm not really upset at her. I don't think I want to leave her yet. I mean I have intrusive sexual thoughts too, I've even had them about Sheller myself! But hers are way worse, cause she gets little and sees him as a father figure sometimes, and that must be so 🤢... OCD is like a shark and the more terrible a thought is the harder it tortures you with it.
My gf is trying not to feel suicidal... She's been far away all day... She feels like she will never know peace... Everytime she finally has someone show her love, her body reacts inappropriately, and not only will she lose me, but Sheller will Lose Shelley because he's getting his own intrusive thoughts about my gf, Shelley feels terrible because this all happened when she came along but my gf is afraid Shelley hates her, when she was excited to be yinyang friends with Shelley (who is also cute but more into spooky things).
Me and Shelley feel insecure too, cause like... Sheller is more masc than me and my gf is more femme than Shelley, so we are projecting all the insecurities into it. And what if we're wrong to trust them and they just run off and decide to have some gross fucked up trauma-themed relationship? Idk man, it's so mortifying even talking about it. But I really love both Sheller and my gf still, even with this burning in my chest, and they both are struggling with suicide ideation right now, and its just...
It's a whole ass mess...Our caretaker alt thinks Shelley, (sense she's an old shell) was blending with Sheller or my gf, and we were feeling her emotions, which we know she struggles with. It probably is that tbh. Cause we can barely lock onto Shelley sometimes. We think this is why it's been so weird and we don't even sound normal lately, and our signals are coming from weird angles.
So yeah... That's where we are... I just wanted to vent I guess. Support is welcome. I don't know man... Just feel so tired and embarrassed lol. I just feel like... Were so mentally ill and I hate it. Ugh... I hate our dad so fucking much. He really fucking broke us, and we're still in so much pain.
The only good news is we all have our anger placed in the right direction, not each other. We all understand what's happening isn't more than trauma. It just hurts so damn much ... Ugh... I really some how think we'll get through this... That day was so nice... And I felt so safe and happy... We all did ... And I think that's why we all possibly mutually ruined it lolol.

My son is 4 years old and started preschool in the fall. I was working day shifts from 6am-3:30 or 4:00 and my son’s father wasn’t working so he would take him to school in the morning; we also live across the street from each other which is super convenient. Things were going great until Christmas break ended. After the break, his father’s car broke down and he was unable to drive him to school. I suggested that he walk him to school but he refused, claiming that the school was too far and he would be too tired despite him not working. For 2 months my son would sit in the house playing on his tablet for hours until I got home because his father didn’t want to entertain him. I personally have no problem with my son having a tablet but I never wanted him to be on it for long periods of time. The rule at my house is 1 hour on school nights and 2 hours on the weekend, he spends most of his day outside on the weekends anyway. However, his father allows him to do whatever he wants and doesn’t monitor what he watches. As soon as I get home my son comes and gets dressed for the first time all day and goes outside to play with his cousins who have just gotten out of school. I would cook and get him into bed by 9. I don’t only throw blame on his father because I know that I’m at fault as well because I wouldn’t work with my son on his reading in writing but in my defense I was exhausted from work.
I say all this to say that my son is behind in school and I don’t know how to help him. He started going back to school in March. The other kids in his class are writing their names and can recognize letters but he can’t do any of that. I recently went on medical leave so I am at home all day with him and I try to help teach him. His teachers don’t have time to help him catch up and always say that he isn’t a good student. I’ve bought work books,flash cards, and even customized print outs of his name for him to trace. I tried out learning videos on YouTube like Blippi and Ms. Rachel but he shows no interest and would rather use his tablet to play games. He doesn’t like any educational shows and will only watch shows like Pj mask and other things that I think are too overstimulating. I am struggling to get him interested in learning. I know that consistency is important and I work on it everyday but I can’t control what he does at his dad’s house and I definitely can’t keep him from going there without causing problems. However, he has no interest in helping his son because he’s says that he’s tired after work and doesn’t want to be bothered. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Please if you have any tips on how I can teach him to recognize letters and engage in learning I’d greatly appreciate them!

I apologize in advance this may get a but wordy. Also, take a shot every time you see the word energy (please don't)
Lots of people are of the opinion that Luffys stamina issues are dumb, but when you look at it from an anatomical viewpoint, they make sense.
Every single movement you make, no matter how large or small, expends cellular energy (stamina), no matter how large or small it is. When you run out of energy, you have to refuel by taking in food. You improve your stamina with physical activity, keep burning your energy until the body learns to use less. Now of course diet and other things go into energy levels, but this is Luffy, a bottomless pit that can instantly digest food if he feels like it.
With that in mind, let's look at Luffy. He's stretchy and chaotic. Him stretching is an incredibly large movement, using much more energy than the average person for a simple punch. He's chaotic and all over the place, expending more cellular energy for no reason. He also stated he's always at maximum effort, therefore always expending more energy. The amount of energy he uses just existing is probably twice as much as the average person per day, not counting fights. He consumes a huge amount of food for 2 reasons, the first being his stomach is rubber, the second being he needs much more than the average person by default.
Now we look at gears. 2nd gear is self explanatory, extreme strain on your circulatory system to basically dope yourself with your own blood would kill a normal person, but luffy is rubber so he can handle the strain, but it's still a large energy consumption, then add on how fast he moves while using 2nd gear, his normal energy consumption probably triples.
3rd gear I had a bit of trouble coming up with something to explain it. But bones have cells thst produce energy too, and they're getting inflated and stretched so it's gotta consume more energy right? But idk with the shrinking.
4th gear is basically a combination of 2nd and 3rd, but it's muscles being inflated instead of bone. Muscles store the majority of your bodies energy, and he's inflating them all, somehow increasing his elasticity and everything, consuming a massive amount of energy. Kicking so fast he's flying? Fists hunting down enemies like a heat seeking missile? You get the point, all huge amounts of energy.
Haki is another drain on his energy. Look at Whitebeard, he was sick and dying at Marineford. He couldn't use his haki much at all when he wasnt attached to IVs. Why is this? When you're sick your body devoted its energy to healing. Whwn you're receiving medication it lightens the bodies load ans you can have some energy to spare. Whitebeards body was failing him so it was using all his energy to stay alive, haki wasn't even a thought for his bodies prioritization of energy use.
Now let's look at gear 5, where people really started taking issue with his time limit. Gear 5 amplifies his chaotic nature, presumably let's him stretch without limit, and he can practically do anything he can imagine. Him awakening the fruit doesn't magically get rid of his need for energy. In fact, he's spending so much more. Constantly bouncing around, stretching farther than ever, inflating larger than ever! He's also constantly using haki in gear 5. Factor all that in and a time limit makes sense. He may have mastered gear 2 and 3 to have low-to-no drawback, but gear 4 and especially gear 5 and worlds apart in energy expenditure. There's no way for him to casually get better at g5, he's gotta continuously exhaust himself and gorge himself to work on the energy expenditure.
I even have an answer for why Luffy turns old when g5 runs out! Elderly folks do have saggy and droopy skin everywhere, but not without reason. A person's body only truly starts to die when cellular death speed exceeds cellular regeneration speed. When that happens, collagen, which is basically what holds your skin tight and prevents sagging, breaks down so skin starts to sag. When using g5, he expends so much energy that it wouldn't be far-fetched to say he pushes his body to the point of cellular death, therefore drooping because he's lost collagen. Of course he goes back to normal after eating because he's rubber, it always bounces back. If a normal person pushed themselves to the point of cellular death overpowering regeneration, there is mo coming back from that.
So yeah, if you made it all the way through, thanks for reading. None of this really matters because you can't apply real world stuff to OP but if you do the time limit makes sense.

I had a man who loved me. It was Christmas Eve when I asked him out, expecting a quick no but I knew I would have regret not telling him for the rest of my life. He didn't respond for almost 20 minutes and I thought I lost him. Then I was met with screenshots of him talking to his brother about me and how he had feelings for me. He and I talked for so long that we nearly missed our family events. When we were together, my life finally seemed like it had a purpose. Making him happy. He would call me his forever partner, his soul mate, and we'd talk for hours every day about things like when we could move in together and have a family in the future. Me and him connected so well, I haven't ever been so close to anyone in my life, and I've been through several relationships, maybe it had something to do with us having autism and the same interests. Over time he became really dependent on me and I let myself slip into doing the same thing. I know that thus far, these behaviors are probably really weird for a relationship and things seemed to be moving too fast, but I didn't care, he made me feel amazing. His friend group that I had to hang with was toxic to say the least, I tried telling him that maybe he should find better people but he insisted that he wanted to be there because his brother was there. The negativity eventually got to me though and I began to slowly fall apart and lose my confidence. My whole day became reliant on him and if he wasn't happy I wasn't either. The problem was that he was the same way.
Months go by and he admits something to me that scared me. He cuts himself and he planned on taking his life on Christmas before I reached out to him. I did everything I could to make him feel comfortable and safe. For a while, it worked. Then May came around. May was the toughest month we ever had. We had our final exams in May, and both of our birthdays came around. By some cruel ploy of the universe, neither of us could be there for each other's birthdays due to work and family screwing us over. Things were off to a bad start. Later down the line, I found out my dog I've had since I was a boy has cancer and has to be put down soon. I also had my wisdom teeth pushing in but in extreme pain even though I was told there'd be no impactions, then I found out that I had no insurance... I started feeling weak and abandoned. The same morning he messaged me about how therapy went and said he was going to get testosterone to help affirm his gender. I didn't know much about it at the time but it scared me because not only did he say he wanted biological kids but he had a huge problem with body dysmorphia and I thought that the second puberty would have pushed him over the edge. I never told him no but I said it was a bad idea and that we should have waited until things were more stable and we had a clearer vision of our life. At least that's what I tell myself, maybe I really am this horrible that I'd tell him that so that way I can strip him of his identity and because he needed me for validation, I could withhold it until I got something I wanted. Well he obviously didn't take it well and took a night to himself. I then started repeating the words people from that group said to me, calling myself names and saying that I was horrible as a partner. Which made it worse because he said it felt manipulative and I didn't let him have his emotions. The next day I sent a "heartfelt" apology where I said that I was supposed to make him feel safe and supported and make a place for him, and he caved and accepted the apology. Later that night I got a call from him, black-out drunk where he said some super out-of-character things for him, sexual things. I was into it but he was at a friend's house so it's not like we could have acted on it. He promised that we'd do something later that day. Later that day though he was actually working doubles and I didn't know until I repeated to him what he said while drunk. He didn't believe me. I was in a bad situation and just said you know what, I'll handle myself. Later that night he called and we played a game like we planned to do but he seemed cold and distant. I asked what was wrong, he said nothing. He gets an "emergency call from a friend" which I later find out was him trying to get away from it and talk to his brother who tells him to break up with me. He did. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye and only found out through his brother that I triggered PTSD that I didn't know he had about someone who had done... Awful things to him in the past.
I took days without eating and sleeping and finally reached out for help like I should have done, to begin with. I started improving myself, lying and saying that it wasn't me, slowly regaining my confidence, and I took people's advice. Just to note that I've been through four relationships and never were they this hard, even one that lasted 4 years. After three days, I get a call from him in the middle of the night, begging me to take him back. I almost didn't because I didn't want to hurt him again but I was just so excited for him to be in my life again, that I said yes and apologized, and told him about all the efforts I've been making to turn my life around. He called me his and I called him mine... But his siblings didn't agree and yelled at him for it. We slept over the phone and I finally got more than an hour of sleep. I woke up and we said we loved each other and got to work. Then he texts me. Saying that it was selfish to do that and he wasn't ready for a relationship. That he just wanted to be friends instead because he couldn't handle me not being in his life. I insisted that if we talked we had to start at least dating again because I can't handle watching someone else do what I promised I'd do for him. But he said he'd think about it. By the end of the day, I called him back crying and saying that I really couldn't suppress my affection for him. I asked him if it was easy for him and he said no. I asked him if he still loved me, he said yes. I asked if we were still soulmates... No. I asked if there was even a non-zero percent chance he might see us being together in the future. He said no. I cried so hard, it was probably the weakest I ever felt. I said I was sorry for what I did and that I was awful and he tried reassuring me that I was a good person, but good people don't do this, especially not to those they love. We both said sorry for almost an hour, just not wanting to say goodbye. He told me I made him feel invincible, untouchable, loved, cherished, and worthy. He said he wouldn't be able to move on, and I said that I'd wait for him if he ever felt like he could forgive me. He said not to do that to myself. He thanked me for being the first person to ever truly love him, then he said goodbye.
I'm awful. I took something so beautiful and destroyed it. I made the only person who ever loved me feel like they could never move on and I destroyed their confidence. I hate being in a world where we don't share our first kiss, a home, a family. I know I'm overdramatic and a bitch and it's my fault so I shouldn't be upset about it but I can't help it. We were supposed to be a team.

First of all I'm worried, i know she won't stop until I react a certaint way, I'm mentally ill(delusional, major depressive, and grew up with toxic abusive father) im a drug addict(was an ex addict but she brought me back) i feel like she wants me to freak out and do something I will regret that she can use to ruin my life, please read to understand I am trying my best to be the bigger person here... thank you
Hi, I'm gonna start this off with I wasn't the best in the relationship, I messed up really bad, I was never physically abusive but I did say things I shouldn't have, I apologized and she took me back and we where doing good, where a bit off because she was hurt from what I had done, but we where trying to be better people, a few weeks ago she ghost me and then comes back because I asked a friend to talk to her and she tells me she wants to break up, I cried annd I didn't want it to happend but I was in no place to stop her, I told her I was going to need some time before we have that final talk(be cause I am a drug addict and did not want to be high for that talk) so few days later pass and we have that talk, honestly I was planing on ending my life after that call, but once I again, my dumb brain gave me hope that she was worth it, she's and ex addict, because of her I use this drug and normaly she would help me to get sober but the last few days she was encouraging me to continue to use, I thought the break up ended well we both ended it on a good note but come to find out she is posting a lot of unfamiliar things about me on subreddits like this one, calling me violent, abusive, controlling, and narcissistic, they have some truth to it wich is understandable to be upset at but, violent and abusive I was not, I never once hit her, or physically hurt her, the only instance was when I grabbed her aggressively to stop her from harming herself while we where fighting(she has autism) well now she is lying about me, with things that could have 0% truth to them for example she said I wouldn't let her drive her own car... she doesn't even own a car or a drivers license, she's saying that because I would ask for some of her food that was some form of abuse, I personally belive that was just me being hungry, I never intended to contact her again but it's hard not to see what she post, well she knew I was watching because a mutual friend was snitching on me to her, so she would post how much she missed me, I wouldn't react but one day after multiple ignores I dm her, "I miss you too but I don't want to be back with you because ik we will destroy each other" she then started posting about how nobody ever dm's her, she was also commenting on men's post who posted nsfw content because I would always be worried she would go back to how she was, she always denied it so i belive she is just doing it to get a rise out of me, well it happend more and more and more and I ignored it, one day she contacts me indirectly with a playlist she made for me, I was ju at looking for some of my old music and found it, well she made sure it caught my attention, the songs where not good songs, all midwestern emo song so if ykyk, I freaked out because I thought we where on good terms so I ask what's going one why did u make that and she tells me "sorry they r just good songs:)" well I listened to the songs a few days later and they where in fact talking bad about me and threatening me... i decided ill make a playlist for her back, a good one, so i make the perfect playlist that describes our fall/breakup, and when i go to share it with her i see she had made a new one, talking horribly about me how im a no good drug addict and im just like my abusive father, and I should end my life, and more mean things, i decided to let it slide and give her the playlist which is basically saying "i love you but goodbye for ever" but her and her "friend" who also happens to be In a non stop flow of toxic relationships(him being the toxic one) have been non stop sending me subliminal messages, i do not appreciate these because she knows i am very mentally ill and unstable and i struggle with delusions, so i have been in a non stop flow of. "I hate her she's ruining me" turning into "I love her and I want her to be safe and I care about her" and I try my best to stay in this mindset but both of them continually make threats and treat me like im worthless, ik if they are a thing she is just using him to get at me, I know all she wants is for me to freak out and do something so that she can probably ruin my life worse, I've been trying to convince her that peace is the best option, but she continues to emotionally abuse me, I would love to block them both but I care about her to much, I want her to feel better about herself instead of doing all this... idk what to do, ik she might see this so if you see this... talk things out with me, but not alone, I want my one and only friend there with me, for mine and your safety... please stop doing this.
Also I might get banned because of my previous accounts so if u want to talk to me look down in s@nd!33go CA 560 Idk if let's me 29 Sorry 84 Message only please
What can I do to help her so that she stops, last time I ended up in the mental hospital and I really don't want to go back... Please help. Thank you