Primitive baby bedding

Will you support our nudist pitboodle enthusiast group's thruhike on Gofundme?

2023.10.17 20:10 ORCHWA01DS0 Will you support our nudist pitboodle enthusiast group's thruhike on Gofundme?

How about a different kind of offroad adventure?
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2014.07.19 20:13 The best help for Bedbugs on Reddit

We got these things licked, learn what we know and you'll be a master of disaster!
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2024.05.19 14:14 UnderstandingNext408 Reduced Again, Moving Sale!

Can offer more pictures of any item. Pick up is in Mueller. Pet and smoke free home and everything is in very good condition.
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2024.05.19 14:05 s_coups_ Scary dream during afternoon nap AGAIN

Took a nap after so long but had such a creepy dream :(
It started with me sleeping in the same bed I fell asleep in real life with my mom. In my dream I was trying to sleep but something kept shaking the bed. I was too scared to open my eyes so I tried to force myself to sleep. Then my mom got up in real life and I woke up a bit then fell asleep again. And again in my dream I was alone on the weird shaking bed, like someone was jumping on it near my legs..
I heard my sister saying she wanted to eat something, and my mom made her something in a pan and left it on the dining table to cool. I got out of the bed but everything was so dim and dark? It was almost night but no one turned on the lights. Suddenly me, my sister & mom decided to make a trip to my college because results for my recent exam had been out and apparently they displayed the ranks?? We went there and it was completely different campus, infact it was the campus of my dream uni lol šŸ˜­
There too, it was dark, but there were lights everywhere like there was some estival going on.. but atleast I was able to see well. There I saw my rank, I got 16k (irl i got 28k bruh). Then we saw there was stuff being sold like keychains, pictures (that change when u see them from different angles) and stuff and to my horror it was pictures of me and my sister when we were around 6-10 years old??
Like wtf? Everything was on display but there was no one buying them? I was surprised at first in the dream but then it felt weird. We took pictures of those to show it to others then I saw some weird play going on. Apparently in this dream my sister was obsessed with some serial killer? She saw the play was about him and victims??? (She does not even watch true crime irl)
Coming to the pictures, some girl in the picture we were holding was talking? She was suddenly kinda covered in blood and was giving weird expressions and I kept telling her to keep the same expression she had in the original photo.. She then jumped out and was only visible in my camera. There was like a fox-y? girl beside the girl from the picture. I told my sister, ā€œAh, that's just a Japanese fox spirit!ā€ WHAT JAPANESE FOX SPIRIT?? HUH?? GIRL WTF?. (I think I've been watching too many of those videos where the japanese waiter girls dress up as foxes and play around with the customers šŸ˜­)
Still seeing those keychains and frames with pictures of me, my sister and mom was so creepy like they resembled real life so well too...And my phone kept lagging the whole dream..It was so annoying
Then I saw my baby self??? On the floor???? Like without a shiry too.. I tried to pick her up and hug her and she smiled? šŸ˜­ She was in some plastic tub and my sister said they're probably here to be sold? And I said yeah probably..?SELLING MY BABY SELF?? She looked so cute :( Some random lady then appeared behind her and took her in her lap. I left for home as I was texting my friend telling her what was happening here.
I think this got too big, there's a bunch left I'll write it in another post sorry lol
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2024.05.19 14:04 Armsaresame How do you pick your battles with a partner that parents differently than you?

I will start by saying I love my husband and he is an equitable partner, heā€™s also great with the baby in ways I am not.
My maternity leave is ending in a week and his leave will be starting in which he will be alone with the baby until August. I feel as though when Iā€™m with the baby, Iā€™m very tuned into and responsive to his cues. I often am only focused on the baby and am not really taking in other media during my time caretaking. When my husband has the baby, heā€™s often multitasking in some way, like having a movie on while also being on his phone. I get it, but I feel like because of this he misses out on some cues. For instance, the baby was lying in his play area and I walked in, and husband said ā€œheā€™s been fussyā€ when heā€™s clearly not engaged with play at all and is looking tired. I picked him up and he immediately started falling asleep. Also this morning, I was pumping just as baby started to wake up. He was fussing in the bassinet and I decided to wait until my husband woke up to get him because my hands were full and he didnā€™t stir at all. I got the baby when I was done pumping and fed him a bottle in bed and husband still hadnā€™t woken up.
Im finding it difficult to find a balance between giving him space to parent so he can find his own way and intervening. It crushes me to know there are delays in response to babyā€™s communication, but I know realistically heā€™d be ok and my husband does a great job with him otherwise. Iā€™m anxious and sad about going back to work, and this issue adds an extra layer.
My biggest thing is safety. I will let baby contact nap during the day, but expressed to my husband that I donā€™t want him to, because if he were to fall asleep he sleeps too deeply. I want to mention that he slept through babyā€™s fussing but, again, Iā€™m not sure if I should learn to let this go and let him parent how heā€™s going to. Iā€™m trying to be supportive of his parenting style while also guiding where needed but I guess I donā€™t know which battles to pick. Help, please, lol.
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2024.05.19 13:44 Armsaresame How do you deal with providing constructive criticism to your partner?

I will start by saying I love my husband and he is an equitable partner, heā€™s also great with the baby in ways I am not.
My maternity leave is ending in a week and his leave will be starting in which he will be alone with the baby until August. I feel as though when Iā€™m with the baby, Iā€™m very tuned into and responsive to his cues. I often am only focused on the baby and am not really taking in other media during my time caretaking. When my husband has the baby, heā€™s often multitasking in some way, like having a movie on while also being on his phone. I get it, but I feel like because of this he misses out on some cues. For instance, the baby was lying in his play area and I walked in, and husband said ā€œheā€™s been fussyā€ when heā€™s clearly not engaged with play at all and is looking tired. I picked him up and he immediately started falling asleep. Also this morning, I was pumping just as baby started to wake up. He was fussing in the bassinet and I decided to wait until my husband woke up to get him because my hands were full and he didnā€™t stir at all. I got the baby when I was done pumping and fed him a bottle in bed and husband still hadnā€™t woken up.
Im finding it difficult to find a balance between giving him space to parent so he can find his own way and intervening. It crushes me to know there are delays in response to babyā€™s communication, but I know realistically heā€™d be ok and my husband does a great job with him otherwise. Iā€™m anxious and sad about going back to work, and this issue adds an extra layer.
My biggest thing is safety. I will let baby contact nap during the day, but expressed to my husband that I donā€™t want him to, because if he were to fall asleep he sleeps too deeply. I want to mention that he slept through babyā€™s fussing but, again, Iā€™m not sure if I should learn to let this go and let him parent how heā€™s going to. Iā€™m trying to be supportive of his parenting style while also guiding where needed but I guess I donā€™t know which battles to pick. Help, please, lol.
submitted by Armsaresame to Mommit [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:33 OtherBee6365 Iā€™m a former drug dealer/current addict (23M) that is struggling to let go of my SO (22F) due to her BPD/Suicidal Ideation

Iā€™ve been struggling with opiate addiction for over a year now and am planning another trip to rehab.
I found a girl in my hometown who I love dearly. Sheā€™s sweet, passionate and empathetic with animals and my family really loves her.
When I met her Iā€™d been selling drugs (cocaine, mainly) as a means to provide for myself. I was living with my parents at the time and would only use my own supply on occasion.
Fast forward a year and weā€™re consistently doing drugs together in a condo that Iā€™d rented, I learn more about her messed up childhood and how she had been neglected, see the neglect with my own eyes and end up sympathizing deeply for her. She tells me she just wants to die and that the thoughts of death are so comforting to her.
Iā€™d been so consumed by selling drugs that Iā€™d left her at the apartment alone for nights on end while I was out selling, thinking I was ā€˜providingā€™ for her. She spiralled into addiction due to also having access to all of these substances. At this point weā€™re constantly under turmoil and chaos from my lifestyle (junkies showing up, police doing sweeps, me on edge awaiting conflict). She ends up cheating on me after feeling neglected (I had cheated on her prior and thus forgave her, I was a scumbag) and we fall apart for a bit.
I find out sheā€™s pregnant weeks later, we end up having an ultrasound and subsequently an abortion. This devastates her, as sheā€™d become attached to the baby as had I. During this period weā€™d broken up but Iā€™d gotten back together with her after seeing the pain of losing her child and feeling so much for her. I could tell she wanted nothing more than to be a mother.
She ended up trying to take her own life by slitting her wrists out of pure anguish and misery. This broke my heart and put her in to psychiatric care.
Fast forward a few months: I just get out of rehab, she got out of the psych unit and weā€™re together. Iā€™m back at my parents sitting on my ass doing drugs after a stint in rehab and praying to god for guidance. My mental health and social skills are completely deteriorated. Iā€™m planning another trip to rehab as Iā€™m writing this, but donā€™t want keep her hostage to such a toxic lifestyle. She seems to really want nothing more than to be a mother, but Iā€™m a terrible influence on her constantly doing drugs in front of her and drinking with her at my parents. All we do all day is rot in bed and watch TV hoping things will get better.
Sheā€™s struggling with her mental health and I donā€™t know how to save her, free her or myself. Iā€™m worried that if I end things she will kill herself, or think I donā€™t love her. I was thinking of buying her a car with my savings as she lives in very unfortunate circumstances, just so she can have a means of transport and get on her feet. She loves animals and I just want to see her blossom, but donā€™t know how to go about this and have both of us survive.
Sorry for how messy this is. Hard to type when Iā€™m in this much pain. I have relationship based OCD, terrible anxiety and depression since I was a child.
TL;DR im deep in addiction and canā€™t let go of a girl im watching suffer who wants nothing more than to be a mother and love me. I love her but think im poisoning her and will just cause great pain for the both of us as my every thought is consumed by her.
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2024.05.19 13:26 Orange_Menace1 Randyll Tarly - Blackfyre Supporter (my first theory)

Randyll Tarly - Blackfyre Supporter (my first theory)
Note: I started writing this and it got away from me. Rather than fill in the unfinished points, I've just left them there for everyone to consider

Preface

Randyll Tarly on a first read through is a jerk. He tortures Sam, insults Brienne, implements draconian justice and downplays the golden company threat. Prima-Facie, he is a violent commander with little political cunning.
Except for his results. By the end of ADWD
Ā· He receives accolades for every battle fought (I hold fire on the term won)
Ā· He holds the queen in his custody.
Ā· He has a voice at council
Ā· He secured his chosen heir in defiance of westrosi customs
If we assume these things didnā€™t happen by chance, we can re-examine some of his older achievements, actions, and then try to sort out his motives.

Randyll Tarly as a Commander

Roberts Rebellion

Battle of Ashford

Context: The battle of Ashford was Roberts one defeat in his rebellion. Tarlyā€™s van sailed forward and defeated Roberts host, but the battle was inconclusive. Robert retreated to the stony sept, recovered, regrouped, and when his allies arrived and consolidated forces, used this new army to win the war.

Relevant Sections ā€“ directly on point paragraphs:

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion III

Tyrion had to bite his tongue at that. Robb Stark had won more battles in a year than the Lord of Highgarden had in twenty. ~Tyrell's reputation rested on one indecisive victory over Robert Baratheon at Ashford, in a battle largely won by Lord Tarly's van before the main host had even arrived.~

A Storm of Swords - Davos V

"Edric, you ought not boast," Maester Pylos said. "King Robert suffered defeats like any other man. Lord Tyrell bested him at Ashford, and he lost many a tourney tilt as well."

A Storm of Swords - Samwell V

"Your father is an able soldier," King Stannis said. "He defeated my brother once, at Ashford. Mace Tyrell has been pleased to claim the honors for that victory, but Lord Randyll had decided matters before Tyrell ever found the battlefield. He slew Lord Cafferen with that great Valyrian sword of his and sent his head to Aerys." The king rubbed his jaw with a finger. "You are not the sort of son I would expect such a man to have."

A Dance with Dragons - The Griffin Reborn

~He had lost it all at Stoney Sept, in his arrogance.~
~Robert Baratheon had been hiding somewhere in the town, wounded and alone. Jon Connington had known that, and he had also known that Robert's head upon a spear would have put an end to the rebellion, then and there~. He was young and full of pride. How not? King Aerys had named him Hand and given him an army, and he meant to prove himself worthy of that trust, of Rhaegar's love. He would slay the rebel lord himself and carve a place out for himself in all the histories of the Seven Kingdoms.

Other information gleaned from context

Ā· Tarly did not inflict substantial casualties
Ā· Robert won the battle of the trident within a year ā€“ Ashford is 282AC and the trident is 283
Ā· Robert fled to and was sheltered in the stony sept, where Jon Connington failed to flush him out. The battle of the bells occurred in 283AC, as did the battle of the trident shortly after

Analysis

Randyll leads the van some distance ahead of the main force, gets into a battle with the rebels, and inflicts minor to moderate casualties before they escape. Tyrell takes the credit.
From a military point of view, if the battle had not been decided before the main force arrived, the war would have likely ended. A much larger force (with assumedly many more horsemen) would have won the battle both more conclusively, and been able to pursue. By all rights, the strategy enforced by Mace Tyrell should have won the war (this theme will come in later in this theory), but for the fact only a fraction of his army engaged far ahead of the main host.
As an aside and jumping ahead a little ā€“ Tarly avoids doing this after the blackwater, closing off escape routes and slaughtering everyone. This hints at the fact that Ashford was a tactical mistake.
The first three viewpoints we receive on the battle are of note.
Ā· Tyrion points out the battle was indecisive, and ~decided before the main host arrived~. He focuses on the victory in ā€˜battleā€™ as opposed to war.
Ā· Stannis points out how able Randyll is by defeating his brother once at Ashford. Although unable to ascribe any special military strategy to Randyll, he calls him ā€˜ableā€™ and decided matters before Tyrell arrived. He also flags that Mace Tyrell claimed the honours for the victory and he thinks this undeserved. Itā€™s interesting as itā€™s Maces host at Ashford, a host that by all rights should have crushed Roberts army in a single battle ā€“ given the van alone defeated him. He also ascribes the only kill of note as lord Cafferen
Ā· Maester Pylos points out that Robert lost battles at Ashford and flags it was Tyrell who bested him.
The battle by all appearances, was a farce. Ashford could have ended the war. Arguably, even with the van alone deciding the fight, it very nearly did. Instead, the battle is determined indecisive, there is no ā€˜impressive kill and capture listā€™ indicating the host was not captured or killed (as opposed to routed), and Mace has this massive potentially war-ending host not doing much because Robert is in retreat before it arrives.
Furthermore despite all this, Tarly very nearly won the day at Ashford. Robert suffered a serious ā€“ but nonfatal wound that seemingly took months (and at least weeks) to recover. The fact that a seriously wounded Robert was able to escape despite distinctive armour and weaponry raises questions of its own.
Finally, when Robert was wounded and hidden in the aftermath whilst he recovered, narratively it allowed JonCon to lay siege to the stony sept. As a parallel, one of the themes I will later touch on is how Tarly changes after this battle, and we know JonCon swears to kill more and become Tywin 2.0. as a direct result of the events at the sept. We see a similar change in Tarly.
Itā€™s also of note that Tarly and Tyrell at this point were on the Targaryen side. This crops up later when we look into other motivations and goals.
Aftermath
So we know that Robert suffers wounds and is somewhat detached from his host (be it they left him in the stoney sept or he scattered off from the main host). We know this as he ends up wounded in the Stoney Sept. After this, the battle of the bells and all the great victories that ended the war occur.
Notably, Tarly has no major military achievements after this battle. Since Mace Tyrell was invested in the siege of Storms end, it can be presumed Tarly was positioned with the main force. The next time we see him is in the battle of 5 kings ā€“

Discussion with Renly ā€“ The Siege of Stannis

  • Renly outright ignores Tarly when he says they'll be charging into the sun. In renlys conversation with stannis he points out how overwhelmingly strong his force is and how it will be heavy horse charging into boiled leather. He's not wrong, if the armies clash, stannis will be crushed and waiting is potentially disastrous, as stannis may not engage or slow the whole process down.

Battle of the Blackwater

A Clash of Kings - Sansa VII

They came up the roseroad and along the riverbank, through all the fields Stannis had burned, the ashes puffing up around their boots and turning all their armor grey, but oh! the banners must have been bright, the golden rose and golden lion and all the others, the Marbrand tree and the Rowan~, Tarly's huntsman~ and Redwyne's grapes and Lady Oakheart's leaf. All the westermen, all the power of Highgarden and Casterly Rock! ~Lord Tywin himself had their right wing~ on the north side of the river, with Randyll Tarly commanding the center and ~Mace Tyrell the left,~ but the vanguard won the fight. They plunged through Stannis like a lance through a pumpkin, every man of them howling like some demon in steel. And do you know who led the vanguard? Do you? Do you? Do you?"

A Storm of Swords - Catelyn II

"I told you to hold Riverrun," said Robb. "What part of that command did you fail to comprehend?"
"When you stopped Lord Tywin on the Red Fork," said the Blackfish, "you delayed him just long enough for riders out of Bitterbridge to reach him with word of what was happening to the east. ~Lord Tywin turned his host at once, joined up with Matthis Rowan and Randyll Tarly~ near the headwaters of the Blackwater, and made a forced march to Tumbler's Falls, ~where he found Mace Tyrell and two of his sons waiting with a huge host and a fleet of barges~. They floated down the river, disembarked half a day's ride from the city, and took Stannis in the rear."

We know tywin likes to put his strength on his flanks and in the reserve

Interestingly, Mace is there too, and itā€™s a tyrell van this time, not tarly
Lord Tywin himself had their right wing on the north side of the river, with Randyll Tarly commanding the center and Mace Tyrell the left, but the vanguard won the fight. They plunged through Stannis like a lance through a pumpkin, every man of them howling like some demon in steel.
ACOK 62: SANSA VII

Analysis

First the parallels. Mace Tyrell is paralleled to Tywin on the two flanks. It is a tyrell in the van who decides the day. Randyll commands the center.
Logistically, the battle is won by Mace Tyrell (whom I love as a character) with a fleet of barges and a huge host already in position (allowing the army to cross quickly enough to intercept the battle of the blackwater). Also the messenger that draws in Tywinā€™s host comes from Bitterbridge ā€“ Tyrell Lands. Given the van wins the battle, thereā€™s a fair argument that Mace could have won the battle alone, albeit with all the support he wins a crushing victory instead.
So Randyll is relegated to an important, but ultimately ancillary position. Whether the battle is won by Tywin or Mace (and by all logistical accounts, itā€™s Mace), is another question, but the ā€˜finest soldier in the seven kingdomsā€™ is once again, somewhat ineffectual. He still commands the center in such a battle, but he displays no logistical or battle prowess in this fight either, just being a renowned commander in the right place at the right time.

Battle of Duskendale

Ā· Lord Randyll defeats a northern army. The army is mostly foot and misplaced
Ā· This time, few excape ā€“ XXXX cuts off the retreat.
Ā· Some theories say he was tipped off by Roose Bolton.
Ā· This time he gets the commander
Ā· Figth occurs in FIELDS AND FARMS. Bad terrain for a retreat. Glover TRAPPED against blackwater bay
Ā· Note that Glover had to be captured lest bolton treachery be revealed. Cannot be allowed to send raven.
Ā· Strong implication of a trap and tipoff

A Storm of Swords - Catelyn IV

When they brought him word of the battle at Duskendale, where Lord Randyll Tarly had shattered Robett Glover and Ser Helman Tallhart, he might have been expected to rage.

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion VIII

But who would be mad enough to contest Joffrey's rule now, after what had befallen Stannis Baratheon and Robb Stark? There was still fighting in the riverlands, but everywhere the coils were tightening. Ser Gregor Clegane had crossed the Trident and seized the ruby ford, then captured Harrenhal almost effortlessly. Seagard had yielded to Black Walder Frey, ~Lord Randyll Tarly held Maidenpool, Duskendale, and the kingsroad.~

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion III

"No," their father said. "With the war. Varys."
The eunuch smiled a silken smile. "I have such delicious tidings for you all, my lords. Yesterday at dawn our ~brave Lord Randyll caught Robett Glover outside Duskendale and trapped him against the sea. Losses were heavy on both sides, but in the end our loyal men prevailed. Ser Helman Tallhart is reported dead, with a thousand others. Robett Glover leads the survivors back toward Harrenhal in bloody disarray, little dreaming he will find valiant Ser Gregor and his stalwarts athwart his path."~

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion I

"Until Lord Redwyne brings his fleet up, we lack the ships to assail Dragonstone. It makes no matter. Stannis Baratheon's sun set on the Blackwater. ~As for Stark, the boy is still in the west, but a large force of northmen under Helman Tallhart and Robett Glover are descending toward Duskendale. I've sent Lord Tarly to meet them, while Ser Gregor drives up the kingsroad to cut off their retreat.~ Tallhart and Glover will be caught between them, with a third of Stark's strength."

A Storm of Swords - Catelyn IV

When they brought him word of the battle at Duskendale, where ~Lord Randyll Tarly had shattered Robett Glover and Ser Helman Tallhart,~ he might have been expected to rage. Instead he'd stared in dumb disbelief and said, "Duskendale, on the narrow sea? Why would they go to Duskendale?" He'd shook his head, bewildered. "A third of my foot, lost for Duskendale?"
"The ironmen have my castle and now the Lannisters hold my brother," Galbart Glover said, in a voice thick with despair. Robett Glover had survived the battle, but had been captured near the kingsroad not long after.

A Feast for Crows - Brienne II

Lord Randyll Tarly had commanded Joffrey's army, made up of westermen and stormlanders and knights from the Reach. Those men of his who had died here had been carried back inside the walls, to rest in heroes' tombs beneath the septs of Duskendale. The northern dead, far more numerous, were buried in a common grave beside the sea. Above the cairn that marked their resting place, the victors had raised a rough-hewn wooden marker. HERE LIE THE WOLVES was all it said. Brienne stopped beside it and said a silent prayer for them, and for Catelyn Stark and her son Robb and all the men who'd died with them as well.



Analysis

Firstly we start with the obvious comparison. Tarly lets Robert escape when Mace otherwise very nearly won the war. Given another chance, Randyll pins his enemy against the sea and plans to not let a man escape. Having somewhat surrounded the opponent on known land, with reinforcements (Clegane) behind him, he still manages to suffer heavy casualties, and the target (XXXX) escapes.
What a colossal mistake. The only good news is he intercepted enough of the force that it seems no ravens got sent off showing exactly what happened, as if one message got back, the whole red wedding could have been undone.
Now prior posts have analyzed duskendale about allowing paths of retreat, and number of losses, but I think there are three key takeaways
1) The stark contrast between this and his tactics at Ashford
2) The fact that he failed to capture the host and Gregor Clegane had to clean up the mess
3) The fact he suffered heavy losses when by all rights he had every advantage (and still failed to capture the army)
Interestingly, the message that gets to Robb is that Tarly shattered glover. The actual message from Varys is only 1000 were killed, with Tallhart. Now its difficult to say how many foot there were, but itā€™s not unreasonable to assume that 1000 is less than to around half the force. Clegane captures Glover in the aftermath (thankfully), and Robb gets the report that Tarly shattered the force, when in actuality a good chunk of it was Clegane.
As a sidenote- this is indicative that Clegane actually isnā€™t a bad commander, and in turn this makes the fact that Edmure Tully threw him back more impressive.
We also donā€™t hear of any captives other than the ones taken by Clegane. It appears Tarly is putting men to the sword (SEE EARLIER).
Now before we get into conspiracy theories, we see Glover in ADWD conspiring with Madderly to help the starks and Stannis, so it seems this was not some cunning scheme where he secretly got himself captured.
Interestingly, the graves Brienne sees seem to indicate a crushing victory for Tarly, like the one described by Robb. This however is at odds with the report of Varys, and the fact Clegane had to mop up the leftover army. Now there are a few possibilities for this. Varys could be wrong/lying, heavy losses is being thrown around as a relative term (but that seems suspect), or the total of Tarly dead and Cleganeā€™s role is being hidden. The last seems the most likely, Robb hears of a crushing defeat led by Tarly not Clegane (which we know is at least partially false), the dead he kills donā€™t add up, and thereā€™s no mention of Clegane whom definitely did some of the work.
Also even assuming the whole situation is true and Tarly killed men at a 2/1 ratio, this assumes there are 500 heroes tombs under the septs at Duskendale. Simply put, there may not be that many. The whole aftermath stinks of a coverup. Tarly is getting Cleganes credit (and interestingly, itā€™s around now that Tywin decides not to give Clegane to oberyn).
Finally we get to the tinfoily bit. Helman garrisoned with Walder Frey to make sure he kept peace. Of the two lords, Helman is arguably more problematic, he knows more of Frey habits (when Tywin is scheming a betrayal) and his nephew is a possible hornwood claimant (cough Roose cough). If there was a conspiracy to kill one and ransom the other ā€“ I can see a world where Talhart is the one to be killed. In all reality though, this is a bit too ambitious, and in reality one just died and one escaped ā€“ without some super scheme that Tarly was involved in.
So in summary ā€“ once again Tarly fails his mission. At best, he bloodies an out of position army whilst taking heavy casualties, with his reinforcements on the way, and half the army breaks free (admittedly into Clegane). This is not a great display of prowess. We also know its possible to capture these men as hostages, as Clegane successfully does so ā€“ and Tarly fails to once again. Now itā€™s not catastrophic as the Northerners are bleeding men and trading troops tit for tat is beneficial, but the battle itself (the thing Randyll is in charge of) is highly unimpressive. The strategic victory goes to Tywin, whom in truth entrusts it as much to Gregor Clegane as to Tarly. As it so happens, Clegane delivers and Tarly doesnā€™t.


A summary as a commander

Talk about failing upwards
Ā· Charging ahead, he is able to turn a crushing win into an indecisive one which ultimately leads to Roberts Rebellion succeeding
Ā· He gives counsel to Renly about the sun when renly knows that the sheer strength of his cavalry makes the issue moot. Renly all but ignores him.
Ā· He doesnā€™t appear to do much during the battle of the blackwater
Ā· He manages to mess up essentially an ambush at Duskendale despite reinforcements being on the way
Ā· As a result of the 4 above points, he is given, lands, titles, honors and a position on the small council.
Upon actually reviewing his achievements and each individual battle, Iā€™ve 180ā€™d on Tarly. George RR Martin does a great job building him up, and having everyone describe him as a great commander, but actually unpacking his battles, he looks pretty underwhelming. The most important battle he won was Ashford, but that was a strategic catastrophe which otherwise could have potentially let Mace Tyrell win the war. Afterwards heā€™s carefully managed, with Renly outright dismissing him, Mace keeping the key positions of command in other peopleā€™s hands and Tywin going so far as to dispatch a trusted force behind him in the event he fails again ā€“ WHICH HE DOES.


Politicks, Loyalties and Conspiracies

Thereā€™s a lot to get through so Iā€™m not going to source everything here. Rather, Iā€™ll list dot points, and we will be collecting everything under theories. In time it may be worth sourcing this all, but for now, I want to get something out ā€“ so itā€™ll be shortform
Ā· Historically house is blackfyre
Ā· Renly Sworn NOT STANNIS
Ā· Joined at bitterbridge to Renly
Ā· Shadowbaby and killing others
Ā· VIEWS ON MAESTERS
Ā· Killing Stannis supporters at bitterbridge
Ā· Saving Brienne
Ā· Helping Brienne / Bewilderment
Ā· Views on Women and Strongmen
Ā· Sam, Maesters, the Marches and Strength
Ā· Maidenpool Rulership
Ā· Renown amonst common men
Ā· Downplaying the Golden Company
Ā· Bravosi Debts
Ā· Taking the QUEEN ahead of Mace Tyrell

Theoreis Stemming off Data

The Blackfyre Theory

Letā€™s assume that Randyll supported the Blackfyres because his house traditionally were Blackfyre Loyalists. This is a little thin on evidence, but quite a few of his actions also support this, lending some credence to the theory
1) He swore to Renly not Stannis.
a. Stannis was 17 or 18 when he held storms end. He is approximately 13 years older than Renly, making Renly 5 at the time. This means that during Roberts Rebellion, for all relevant purposes, Renly was a non-participant, whilst Stannis actively fought against the dragons. If Randyll is a dragon supporter, his repulsion at joining Stannis is apparent.
b. In fact, he goes as far as to kill stannis supporters at bitterbridge to consolidate the reach forces. This is interesting as it contrasts stannis whom takes pains to not kill the karstarks to a man once he realizes their treason.
2) He downplays the golden company
a. At the end of AFWC, Randyll is downplaying the golden company as much as he can. If we assume he is pro-dragon, this gives time for the blackfyre cause to swell, as he delays Kevan Lannister to the best of his ability
3) He hates the Maesters
a. Between the Grand Maester Conspiracy [LINK], lady Dustinā€™s general hatred of Maesters and Marwynā€™s comments about Maesters and Dragons, it seems credible that dragon supporters may have cause to mistrust Maesters. Indeed, we get hints of this from Doran, and a general mistrust of Maesters by some of the lesser lords.
i. "I would need a bucket, with this pain. Thank you, but no. I want my wits about me. I'll have no more need of you tonight."
b. This explains also why he is so determined Sam will not become a Maester and why he drives him to the nights watch. If he is a loyalist, heā€™s never going to let a member of his family into an enemy order. If Sam is given any sort of free reign in a role other than lord, heā€™s going to end up a Maester (indeed even at the nights watch he ends up there, despite his protests and fears of his fathers wroth).
4) Do we actually see any trouble in the marches. I donā€™t think we do and itā€™s only STANNIS who fears dorne through the marches, not Tarly or Tyrell. In fact, this area is left undefended when they march on the blackwater.
a. I have a sub-theory that despite complaining a lot, we donā€™t see any real antagonism between Dorne and the reach throughout the series, just some loud complaining that makes us think of antagonism. Oberyn hints at this to Tyrion.
5) Killing Florents
a. Florents have ties to Stannis
b. Florents are Tyrell rivals
c. Florents instantly defect to stannis. Note they were set aside by dragons over highgarden
d. Their protests were denied by King Aegon I, perhaps because the Florents had fought House Targaryen when the Tyrells did not.
e. https://www.reddit.com/asoiaf/comments/3tr6gx/spoilers_all_house_of_the_week_house_florent/
i. Theories florents Green
6) This is of course also consistent with him racing Ahead of Mace Tyrellā€™s army and having the Tyrell queen taken into his personal custody. Unfortunately, this bodes badly for our lovely doe-eyed Margery. Oh well.
7) ~If it were up to me, I would send them all to the Night's Watch, and Connington with them. The Wall is where such scum belong."~ Heā€™s setting it up so the only legitimate claimant of JonConā€™s lands is in fact, JonCon. Obviously a new lord can be appointed, but this suggested move adds legitimacy to the blackfyre cause, removing the heir apparent and putting JonCon back in his ancestral lands without a real challenger.

1) The ā€˜show of strength / toxic masculinity theoryā€™
a. This theory has to do with Tarly appearing competent millirarily rather than being competent. He doles harsh justice and havy discipline, which in some ways hides his lackluster results as a commander. I should note this is the weakest of the three theories, but it sort of feeds into the other two.
b. This would be indicative of his hatred for Sam. The moment the ā€˜veilā€™ of masculinity and strength is lifted, his actual achievements are lackluster
c. After ashford he appears much more brutal than before. We have no indication he was brutal pre Ashford, and post ashford heā€™s executing enemies, cornering and murdering northmen to a man (as best he can at least) and doling out harsher justice than his peers
d. Every character who speaks of Tarly speaks of his millirary accolades. I think his ā€˜larger than lifeā€™ persona has played at least a part in this, and Tarly looks the part as the veteran commander.
e. I ought to note this theory doesnā€™t stop Tarly from playing the game of thrones, it just suggests he isnā€™t an exceptional tactical commander. Logistically, he has always been with the winning side as a vassal, heā€™s been able to spin every battle to gain honors and accolades, and he has a knack for being in the right place at the right time (declaring for renly early, being in the van at ashford etc.)
f. All that aside, this theory also doesnā€™t stop Tarly from being a jerk. Given how he acts to Sam and both towards and around Brienne, we are naturally inclined to mislike him as a harsh leader.
2) Not as dumb as he looks theory
a. Heā€™s taken the queen into his personal Custody. We literally heard from Renly back in book 1 ā€“ he who holds the XXXX holds the crown. With all the chaos in the recent books, itā€™s easy to miss, but this is a huge move in the game of thrones. The Tyrells do not have the queen. Tarly does.
b. As far as I can tell, heā€™s never been at real risk in a battle since Ashford. He had backup and numbers at duskendale, a massive host at the blackwater, The Siege of Storms End was just a great big preservation of army by Mace whilst Roberts rebellion raged, and the Siege on Stannis was totally lopsided but for magic shadow-baby.
c. Dorne does not seem to have acted against him once nor demanded concessions. [CHECK]. For a lord in the Dornish Marches which have been tumultuous for years, this is somewhat of a big deal. He also seems to be unafraid of moving his forced forward ā€“ we have no indication he left levies to protect himself from Dorne, hinting that he wasnā€™t afraid of Dorne misbehaving (even if only to harry border towns, a bit like Bolton grabbing up the hornwood lands).
d. He sucks up to the bravosi Banker when all the debts are being called in. We have this picture of this strong, just, military man, but the banker scene shows heā€™s not just a sword arm, and he knows when to suck up. This is important as it shows he is at least considering the wider world and the future outside of the battles, as opposed to a certain dwarf whom never actually meets the bankers.
e. He has turned a bunch of mediocre achievements into being renowned as the greatest soldier in the realm. By all rights, Stannis and Robb are much better commanders (with the caveat that Robb was only good tactically). If we want to get nasty, Mace Tyrell has only won crushing victories ā€“ with the exception of ashford (messed up by Tarly) and storms end (where he lost no troops in a rebellion that depleted most of the realm).
i. The most competent appearing thing he said was to not charge into the sun, which was largely irrelevant when plated heavy cavalry is charging into boiled leather. As Renly said to Stannis, his force wouldnā€™t survive first impact, so this whole sun business is a bit silly.
ii. Arguably the most competent thing was executing all the soldiers considering going over to Stannis, but Iā€™m not sure if this is truly competent or just brutality ā€“ Stannis did not do the same with the Karstarks in a similar position.
f. Heā€™s bypassed succession laws. By getting rid of Sam he has set himself up with his chosen heir. Look at the thorny knot Tywin tied himself with Tyrion, whom still arguably is the rightful heir to Castelry Rock (which he made full use of with the Second Suns). We know Maesters can be kicked out of the order (see our favourite necromancer), and can be used to play with succession (Aemon is a good example, albeit he said no) and I donā€™t really see Sam as a priest.
i. Thereā€™s actually a good question as to whether he would have killed Sam. The gods hate kinslayers, and the threat sufficed. If we assume tarly isnā€™t an idiot, he would have realized the threat likely sufficient.
g. Given how he sets himself up at Maidenpool, its hinted that the Maidenpool land is part of his reward for the blackwater. We never hear of exactly ā€˜whatā€™ Tarlyā€™s reward is, except in the aftermath heā€™s patrolling Duskendale (still seemingly with house Rykker),, Maidenpool and the kings road, and seems to be setting himself up in Maidenpool for the long haul. In AFFC, Tarlyā€™s heir is married off to Eleanor Mooton (the seeming heiress to maidenpool) and Tommen pardons Moonton. Maidenpool is a major port in the world of Ice and Fire, which would make it a fine reward[[1]](#_ftn1).
1.

Other key takeaways

BRIENNE THING

A Feast for Crows - Brienne III

Randyll Tarly solved the mystery the day he sent two of his men-at-arms to summon her to his pavilion. His young son Dickon had overheard four knights laughing as they saddled up their horses, and had told his lord father what they said.

ā€¦ "The gods made men to fight, and women to bear children," said Randyll Tarly. "A woman's war is in the birthing bed."
Someone was coming down the cellar steps. Brienne pushed her wine aside as a ragged, scrawny, sharp-faced man with dirty brown hair stepped into the Goose. He gave the Tyroshi sailors a quick look and Brienne a longer one, then went up to the plank. "Wine," he said, "and none o' your horse piss in it, thank'e."

JUSTICE THING


Battle of the Blackwater ā€“ a step Sideways



In short
Randyll Tarly is a shrewd Blackfyre loyalist who now has custody of the queen, a position on the small council and whom is not considered a political threat. Heā€™s not half the commander heā€™s made out to be, probably has anti-maester sentiment and is possibly friendly with Doran Martell. And he has an army.
This has been quite a ride and Iā€™m sure I got many details wrong so letā€™s end on a high note. Given all this, I expect Randyll to sacrifice Margery and prove ser pounceā€™s lineage to the age of conquest. Tommen will blindly stamp a document marrying himself to the cat, the white walkers will be appeased (their problem is only humans), and everyone lives happily ever after except for Danerys who dies.
Maidenpool
https://preview.redd.it/4gfx1jxsbd1d1.png?width=217&format=png&auto=webp&s=a6c648fe2853a80f249aeae5546a21b38b4123e9

submitted by Orange_Menace1 to asoiaf [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:25 OtherBee6365 Iā€™m a former drug dealer/current addict (23M) that is struggling to let go of my SO (22F) due to her BPD/Suicidal Ideation

Iā€™ve been struggling with opiate addiction for over a year now and am planning another trip to rehab.
I found a girl in my hometown who I love dearly. Sheā€™s sweet, passionate and empathetic with animals and my family really loves her.
When I met her Iā€™d been selling drugs (cocaine, mainly) as a means to provide for myself. I was living with my parents at the time and would only use my own supply on occasion.
Fast forward a year and weā€™re consistently doing drugs together in a condo that Iā€™d rented, I learn more about her messed up childhood and how she had been neglected, see the neglect with my own eyes and end up sympathizing deeply for her. She tells me she just wants to die and that the thoughts of death are so comforting to her.
Iā€™d been so consumed by selling drugs that Iā€™d left her at the apartment alone for nights on end while I was out selling, thinking I was ā€˜providingā€™ for her. She spiralled into addiction due to also having access to all of these substances. At this point weā€™re constantly under turmoil and chaos from my lifestyle (junkies showing up, police doing sweeps, me on edge awaiting conflict). She ends up cheating on me after feeling neglected (I had cheated on her prior and thus forgave her, I was a scumbag) and we fall apart for a bit.
I find out sheā€™s pregnant weeks later, we end up having an ultrasound and subsequently an abortion. This devastates her, as sheā€™d become attached to the baby as had I. During this period weā€™d broken up but Iā€™d gotten back together with her after seeing the pain of losing her child and feeling so much for her. I could tell she wanted nothing more than to be a mother.
She ended up trying to take her own life by slitting her wrists out of pure anguish and misery. This broke my heart and put her in to psychiatric care.
Fast forward a few months: I just get out of rehab, she got out of the psych unit and weā€™re together. Iā€™m back at my parents sitting on my ass doing drugs after a stint in rehab and praying to god for guidance. My mental health and social skills are completely deteriorated. Iā€™m planning another trip to rehab as Iā€™m writing this, but donā€™t want keep her hostage to such a toxic lifestyle. She seems to really want nothing more than to be a mother, but Iā€™m a terrible influence on her constantly doing drugs in front of her and drinking with her at my parents. All we do all day is rot in bed and watch TV hoping things will get better.
Sheā€™s struggling with her mental health and I donā€™t know how to save her, free her or myself. Iā€™m worried that if I end things she will kill herself, or think I donā€™t love her. I was thinking of buying her a car with my savings as she lives in very unfortunate circumstances, just so she can have a means of transport and get on her feet. She loves animals and I just want to see her blossom, but donā€™t know how to go about this and have both of us survive.
Sorry for how messy this is. Hard to type when Iā€™m in this much pain. I have relationship based OCD, terrible anxiety and depression since I was a child.
TL;DR im deep in addiction and canā€™t let go of a girl im watching suffer who wants nothing more than to be a mother and love me. I love her but think im poisoning her and will just cause great pain for the both of us as my every thought is consumed by her.
submitted by OtherBee6365 to relationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:20 OtherBee6365 Iā€™m a former drug dealer/current addict (23M) that is struggling to let go of my SO (22F) due to her BPD/Suicidal Ideation

Iā€™ve been struggling with opiate addiction for over a year now and am planning another trip to rehab.
I found a girl in my hometown who I love dearly. Sheā€™s sweet, passionate and empathetic with animals and my family really loves her.
When I met her Iā€™d been selling drugs (cocaine, mainly) as a means to provide for myself. I was living with my parents at the time and would only use my own supply on occasion.
Fast forward a year and weā€™re consistently doing drugs together in a condo that Iā€™d rented, I learn more about her messed up childhood and how she had been neglected, see the neglect with my own eyes and end up sympathizing deeply for her. She tells me she just wants to die and that the thoughts of death are so comforting to her.
Iā€™d been so consumed by selling drugs that Iā€™d left her at the apartment alone for nights on end while I was out selling, thinking I was ā€˜providingā€™ for her. She spiralled into addiction due to also having access to all of these substances. At this point weā€™re constantly under turmoil and chaos from my lifestyle (junkies showing up, police doing sweeps, me on edge awaiting conflict). She ends up cheating on me after feeling neglected (I had cheated on her prior and thus forgave her, I was a scumbag) and we fall apart for a bit.
I find out sheā€™s pregnant weeks later, we end up having an ultrasound and subsequently an abortion. This devastates her, as sheā€™d become attached to the baby as had I. During this period weā€™d broken up but Iā€™d gotten back together with her after seeing the pain of losing her child and feeling so much for her. I could tell she wanted nothing more than to be a mother.
She ended up trying to take her own life by slitting her wrists out of pure anguish and misery. This broke my heart and put her in to psychiatric care.
Fast forward a few months: I just get out of rehab, she got out of the psych unit and weā€™re together. Iā€™m back at my parents sitting on my ass doing drugs after a stint in rehab and praying to god for guidance. My mental health and social skills are completely deteriorated. Iā€™m planning another trip to rehab as Iā€™m writing this, but donā€™t want keep her hostage to such a toxic lifestyle. She seems to really want nothing more than to be a mother, but Iā€™m a terrible influence on her constantly doing drugs in front of her and drinking with her at my parents. All we do all day is rot in bed and watch TV hoping things will get better.
Sheā€™s struggling with her mental health and I donā€™t know how to save her, free her or myself. Iā€™m worried that if I end things she will kill herself, or think I donā€™t love her. I was thinking of buying her a car with my savings as she lives in very unfortunate circumstances, just so she can have a means of transport and get on her feet. She loves animals and I just want to see her blossom, but donā€™t know how to go about this and have both of us survive.
Sorry for how messy this is. Hard to type when Iā€™m in this much pain.
submitted by OtherBee6365 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:16 OtherBee6365 Iā€™m a former drug dealer/current addict (23M) that is struggling to let go of my SO (22F) due to her BPD/Suicidal Ideation

Iā€™ve been struggling with opiate addiction for over a year now and am planning another trip to rehab.
I found a girl in my hometown who I love dearly. Sheā€™s sweet, passionate and empathetic with animals and my family really loves her.
When I met her Iā€™d been selling drugs (cocaine, mainly) as a means to provide for myself. I was living with my parents at the time and would only use my own supply on occasion.
Fast forward a year and weā€™re consistently doing drugs together in a condo that Iā€™d rented, I learn more about her messed up childhood and how she had been neglected, see the neglect with my own eyes and end up sympathizing deeply for her. She tells me she just wants to die and that the thoughts of death are so comforting to her.
Iā€™d been so consumed by selling drugs that Iā€™d left her at the apartment alone for nights on end while I was out selling, thinking I was ā€˜providingā€™ for her. She spiralled into addiction due to also having access to all of these substances. At this point weā€™re constantly under turmoil and chaos from my lifestyle (junkies showing up, police doing sweeps, me on edge awaiting conflict). She ends up cheating on me after feeling neglected (I had cheated on her prior and thus forgave her, I was a scumbag) and we fall apart for a bit.
I find out sheā€™s pregnant weeks later, we end up having an ultrasound and subsequently an abortion. This devastates her, as sheā€™d become attached to the baby as had I. During this period weā€™d broken up but Iā€™d gotten back together with her after seeing the pain of losing her child and feeling so much for her. I could tell she wanted nothing more than to be a mother.
She ended up trying to take her own life by slitting her wrists out of pure anguish and misery. This broke my heart and put her in to psychiatric care.
Fast forward a few months: I just get out of rehab, she got out of the psych unit and weā€™re together. Iā€™m back at my parents sitting on my ass doing drugs after a stint in rehab and praying to god for guidance. My mental health and social skills are completely deteriorated. Iā€™m planning another trip to rehab as Iā€™m writing this, but donā€™t want keep her hostage to such a toxic lifestyle. She seems to really want nothing more than to be a mother, but Iā€™m a terrible influence on her constantly doing drugs in front of her and drinking with her at my parents. All we do all day is rot in bed and watch TV hoping things will get better.
Sheā€™s struggling with her mental health and I donā€™t know how to save her, free her or myself. Iā€™m worried that if I end things she will kill herself, or think I donā€™t love her. I was thinking of buying her a car with my savings as she lives in very unfortunate circumstances, just so she can have a means of transport and get on her feet. She loves animals and I just want to see her blossom, but donā€™t know how to go about this and have both of us survive.
Sorry for how messy this is. Hard to type when Iā€™m in this much pain.
submitted by OtherBee6365 to u/OtherBee6365 [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 13:04 anonomusfem Iā€™m not sure if Iā€™m making the right choices in life.

I am a 32-year-old gay, chubby, feminine male. I've recently had family trouble: my father has gone missing on the Navajo reservation, which has taken a toll on my family. I was never close with my father due to being the oldest and seeing his alcoholic abuse cause domestic violence against my mother. My brother, the second child, who should have been named Junior but wasn't, worshiped our father and started taking up his career. Now that our father is missing, this sibling has taken up the alcoholic title. Though he may not be abusive, my mother and I think he might turn out to be soon. The baby of the family has had a love-hate relationship with our father. He also loves to blame everyone for his personal issues and bad choices. He has mother issues and is now copying our second brother by drinking every day. Both of them drinking has led to poor financial decisions, putting my mother and me in debt as we try to fix our finances and provide food and keep the house up to date. We rent the house we live in, so if we decide to move, the owner will likely charge us for the accumulated minor damages. I think I am the only one worried about this situation. Our mother is devastated by our father's disappearance. In my mind, they were soulmates and high school sweethearts. She was the cheerleader, and he was the sports jock. They loved each other, but my father's alcoholism was a huge problem, so she raised all three of us mostly on her own. There is evidence suggesting foul play in our father's disappearance, adding another layer of complexity to our family troubles. A bit about me: I struggled with coming out of the closet until I had my first boyfriend in 2011. My mother was very homophobic due to her religious upbringing but eventually learned to accept me. That first relationship only lasted a few months because his mother made a comment about my transportation to his home. At the time, I had no car, so I took the bus. When she asked how I got there, his response was "the bus," to which she said, "The bus? Isn't that for peasants?" This made me uncomfortable and led to our breakup. He was my first and only boyfriend, and I've never dated after him. At a young age, I was molested by a male cousin, which I believe influenced my sexuality and femininity. I have forgiven him and learned to move on with my life without blaming him. I've always wanted a job in Hollywood but have come to realize that's not going to happen. However, I landed the second best thing: working and traveling with Broadway shows. I took my first tour for ten months, back in 2022, came home, and took a season off. On this tour, I grew from my experiences and became an independent adult. I feel like I became the best version of myself. On tour, I had no one but myself, and I became independent. Now that I'm back home, I feel like I have to take care of everyone and make decisions for the long run. I'm not going to lie, I was sleeping with guys left and right and living life. When I came home, I reconnected with two guys: one a young African American guy and the other a Hispanic guy. The African American guy was younger than me, well-endowed, about my height, and very slender. We had known each other for the years I was on tour. He was living alone and had his own place. We were hooking up, and that's it. We connected less during my tour. I then reconnected with the Hispanic guy. He is about my age, shorter than me, and very masculine. He's a gentleman. When we first met, he came to my place. I thought that I had cleaned myself well, but when I pulled out my buttplug, I realized I hadn't. I excused myself and re-douched. He was very understanding and sweet about the whole situation, and I fell in love with his charm. When he left that night, I hoped I didn't scare him off, but he messaged me a few weeks later, this time inviting me to his place. He turned on his fireplace and laid blankets on the floor for us, being tender and romantic. After this encounter, I overthought the situation, building an idealized image of him, which made me sick with worry. He says he owns a company, which is why he doesn't reply quickly, but my social media feeds suggest otherwise. He never checks on me, but the African American guy did from time to time. A few weeks after visiting the Hispanic guy, I messaged the African American guy to see if he wanted to meet up. He told me he had become homeless and was looking for a bed at a homeless shelter. He asked if he could stay with me until he found a bed. Despite being undecided, I agreed. The worst part was that he showed me what a relationship with him could be like: affection, endless cuddles, and companionship. It was everything I wished for in a relationship, but I had to remind myself that I was only helping him temporarily. In this short time, he showed me love and what life could be like with a boyfriend. However, we eventually argued over something small, and he left, leaving me heartbroken. Songs from Ariana Grande's album became my anthems: "We Can't Be Friends," "I Wish I Hated You," and "Imperfect for You." I miss him, but he's too young to forgive me. I still see the Hispanic guy, but I fear I'm building him up to be something he's not. He still takes a while to reply to my messages, and I make excuses for his absence. I hope we'll become something, but I think that's unlikely, which also breaks my heart. A week ago, my siblings and mother and I had a huge argument, all of us under the influence. It started with me telling my mother that I wanted to move out. She, being overbearing, shut down and pushed me away from the idea, using my drunk siblings to turn against me. This brought out the worst in everyone, with all the built-up envy and jealousy coming out. Now, I'm indecisive about my future. Should I take a traveling job and leave my mother alone with my siblings, knowing they're not in the right state of mind? Is the person I'm seeing worth my emotional investment?
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2024.05.19 12:30 InspectorOk9546 New Pet Mice Fighting

New Pet Mice Fighting
I have one adult female mouse (1 year 2 months) and have bought 2 new baby female mice (10 weeks). The OGā€™s friend died unexpectedly 2 and a bit weeks ago, and I donā€™t want her to be alone. The new mice have been in a spare cage overnight, and I added some of the OG mouseā€™s bedding. I put some of the new miceā€™s nesting in the OGā€™s cage. The OG mouse is considerably larger than the new ones (but she is on a diet of no unhealthy treats) so I donā€™t want her bully the other two.
This afternoon I put two wheels, two water bowls, a tunnel, and scattered some pellets in the new miceā€™s cage. The new mice are very flighty so I wanted to put some shade for them.
I put the OG mouse in the cage and she almost immediately went after the new ones. She was chasing them, biting their legs and tails, and there was lots of squeaking from both mice. The OG sometimes bit onto a new mouseā€™s tail or leg, preventing them from leaving for a few seconds. The new mice would just be hiding in a corner (no food or water) and the OG would come over to bite them. The new mice would also be running on a wheel, be chased or bitten off, then the OG would have not much further interest in the wheel.
The three were only in the cage for 6 or 7 minutes, and there was fighting for almost the entire time. There was no blood or visible injuries so I wasnā€™t sure whether to seperate them or not. I tried this 3 seperate times, and it wasnā€™t improving, it may have been getting worse if anything.
The two new ones are currently in the spare cage, and the OG in the big one. Iā€™ve swapped some of the bedding and hides to try to get them used to each other. Iā€™ve heard things about putting vanilla essence on them, so if anyone has had that help please let me know. The OG mouse was working well with her old friend so I donā€™t think sheā€™s meant to be alone. She was the more dominant mouse so thatā€™s what I expect will happen again.
Any advice?
(Thereā€™s no audio on the video)
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2024.05.19 12:23 OpSmash Little advice on where to go now?

Hi,
My son just turned 1 and the moment he did itā€™s like a switch flipped. He had no issues sleeping all night, we went to be as 7-730x woke up each day 630/7am.
Suddenly, abruptly he started resisting sleep, sleeps for an hour then suddenly wakes up and is like hey itā€™s playtime.
Next came the early mornings. Out of nowhere the energy started waking up at 5am.
Iā€™m not here to complain. Iā€™m here to ask what I need to do to not set him up for failure.
We never had to do the ferb/CIO method before. He went down with no issues prior, always slept so an abrupt transition had us stumped. ā€”
He currently is 1, he sleeps in our room in a crib near us, we want to transition him to his new room. We just moved to a much larger house and had to get some repair work done.
What is the proper way(s) to try and handle the move to the room while also handling him waking up now at 5 wanting to get up.
Do we answer the cry? Weā€™ve been reassuring, goodnight itā€™s bedtime then placing him down and going back to bed. (What advice weā€™ve been given). Thatā€™s not really working for us. He seems to reset the pissed meter and just gets louder.
So we tried the CIO method today, it took 20 minutes of crying but it resulted in a big sigh eventually then playing in his crib. Was this the proper way? I was told ā€œboredom is not a cause for concernā€ to help burn through the crying (which was painful). It helped but I just donā€™t like the CIO unless itā€™s the way it has to.
Any suggestions on the proper way to spearhead Operation: Early Baby Wake
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2024.05.19 12:20 WILD-And-KRAKEN-FAN The best bed to share with my babies

The best bed to share with my babies submitted by WILD-And-KRAKEN-FAN to cats [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 12:05 SleipnirRanch Was i abused?

I'm 42m.
I have never had close friends and have no family. I try to think of why i turned out like this. I grew up in a middle class home. My dad made ok money but worked night shift my entire childhood, he rarely spoke to me or did things with me. My mom was a stay at home mom until i was a teenager.
I think most days my parents did not really interact with me except for essential things, so they gave me food and clothes, but doing things with them was very rare, like we went on vacations maybe 3 or 4 times during my childhood. I never learned to ride a bike or to swim. I think i learned to tie my shoes when i was 12, i taught myself. I remember that i did not learn to use the bathroom until i was 3, and that also i taught myself, i didn't understand for a long time when i was at other peoples houses or my cousins houses why they had small toilets for the babies.
I remember specific things that happened that stand out in my mind as being especially bad. There are 3 that i can think of.
When i was like 5 or so, i remember being in my room very cold. I didn't understand at the time, but later i came to understand that our house was very drafty and cold in the winter because we had wooden windows and they should have been painted about once a year, they were not maintained and so did not shut all the way were always cracked open a small amount. Also the furnace did not heat the whole house, it only heated it until the thermostat on the 1st floor reached it's preset point, so the upstairs was usualy 10 or more degrees colder. My mom didn't think that we needed blankets (my sister and me, she is about 4 years older). We had sheets on the bed and that was all. I don't remember if it was my sisters idea, i think it was, we went into the hall closet at night to get more blankets and my mom caught us and yelled at us and made us put them back. She said that the blanket i took was a wedding present and i didn't need it. Years later i remember my sister as a teenager having several arguments with my mom about a comforter that she had bought herself. When i moved out of the house i stole that same blanket that was still folded up in the closet never used. Still have it.
When i was 9 i got very sick. My mom thought i had some kind of flu. I kept throwing up. She did not take me to the doctor. She always said how dumb it was how people took their kids to the doctor all the time just because they were sick. She kept giving me ice cream because she said that was good for throwing up and keeping energy up. I was sick for i think more than a whole week, not sure if it went on for 2 or not. Still didn't take me to a doctor, i kept throwing up. Then one day i collapsed and they called an ambulance. It turned out that i was diabetic and was throwing up because my blood sugar was too high.
Later, i think i was 12 or 13. I developed ingrown toenails. My big toes would bleed and ooze every day. When i came home from school they would be stained with blood and some yellow. My mom would yell at me for this and scold me for not taking better care of my feet. This went on for about 6 months. My mom got a foot bath for me, and told me to soak my feet in warm water and gave me these sharp sticks to try to pry the nail out of the skin, but it didn't work. Eventually she did take me to a doctor who performed the surgery to cut the toenails out.
Other things that i remember, smaller things, were things like i asked to join the boy scouts at one point and my mother told me she didn't have to do that because she had already done that when my sister was in girl scouts, and i asked to learn to ride a bike at one point and my parents told me i was too old to go ride a bike with training wheels so i wasn't allowed. I told my mom at one point that when i grew up i wanted to have a family with lots of kids, and she told me i couldn't have a family because of my diabetes, it was going to be too expensive.
My parents never hit me, or denied me food, and when i got diabetes my mom would always track all of my sugar levels and how much insulin, she still has stacks and stacks of the monthly sheets for tracking everything the doctors office gave us. But i don't remember ever playing with her or my dad, my dad didn't take me to football games, though he went with my grandma all the time, they had season tickets together. My parents never told me i should join anything at school like sports or anything.
The older i get, the more i think of these things, and look at how much i hate my life, and i blame them and get angrier at them, i hate them. They are in their 70's now, they invite me over for dinner, on the weekends sometimes, i hate going over there, when ever they text me asking me to go i yell at my phone and i wish they would both die already.
submitted by SleipnirRanch to offmychest [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 12:03 housekeeper713 What you think about this convo with my wife about cleaning?

Backstory: this was after I told her in person I was upset the night prior because I came home after work to a mess to me but not to her and she said I was being negative yet again and it wasnā€™t a big deal.
Me: itā€™s hard when I bring up a problem and you make me question my own character. I donā€™t want perfect I appreciate u and value u more than u will ever knowā€¦..
Her: our communication is poor. Cause honestly I hear u and Iā€™m trying but Iā€™m also trying to have a voice
Me: It doesnā€™t feel like u hear me when ur actions donā€™t change. We just had a family meeting about it. And as much as I want a change I still want u to stay true to yourself too but what can I do to support you better to get those things done
Her: I do clean and do a lot for you too
Me: everywhere you go u leave a trail behind you. The cat water bowl needs water in it every single day. And itā€™s not that I mind doing it. Itā€™s that itā€™s a little thing that means the world to me. To show me you do care. The socks, the sheet, the tp roll, clippers left out no one puts things back ever. Itā€™s so many things
Her: some things r blown out of proportion like I get it ur love language is acts of service!!!!!! And I try I really do . Baby Iā€™m sorry idk how to make u happy
Me: yea you do. Never in my life have I been allowed to be weak or carefree. I always hold up the biggest responsibility on behalf of those who canā€™t. I never allow myself a weak moment bc someone has to stay strong. Honestly I think thatā€™s why Iā€™ve been crying so much behind closed doors
Her: So what can I do and please donā€™t say clean. Cause Iā€™m breaking down too.
Me: And i feel like an ungrateful selfish little shit I mean you do remind me of that all the time I bring something up. And talking like this back and forth to each other saying negative things at all doesnā€™t make you change or do better it just hurts you. You ask me what can I do at home, what do I clean? ā€¦ā€¦. Do I have to ask ? Just pick up after urself. Ur sitting there for hours after work watching tv but donā€™t look around u for 2 seconds before going to bed to see if the cats have waterā€¦. I donā€™t know why I have to ask for that.
Her: Ok but can u try and understand that im not as OCD as u r so what u think is messy isnā€™t really to me and I do want to do better for u but sometimes I feel like im just nasty to u. Idk anything I say is wrong.
Me: I get that and thatā€™s the communication partā€¦ cause I donā€™t mean clean like that I just mean maintain. How many days should a sheet be on our couch before it needs changed? When thereā€™s stains spills and a load of fur on it , no because no one will do that but me.
Her: ok but u notice stuff like that and if u tell me Iā€™ll do it. Thatā€™s not a big deal to just tell me
Me: so what am I meant to make a list and literally tell you when something needs done is it rlly that hard to notice it? I feel like what I ask for is as basic as possible and itā€™s just a bad habit. You sit there all night.
Her: whatā€™s wrong with relaxing in my own home? I guess Iā€™m the nastiest person you been with. You have to tell me these things is that hard?
Me: how many more times in this life am I gonna have to ask for u to pick dirty clothes where it goes knowing it bothers me?
Her: I literally want to shut the F down. I canā€™t catch a break.
Me: and u wonder why I joke and get passive aggressive with itā€¦. Doesnā€™t matter what way I say it at least that way makes me smile
Her: Y canā€™t u just say Iā€™m not enough for u. U always say slick shit and I genuinely want to be better for u but honestly donā€™t ever think I can be. No matter what, I wonā€™t live up to ur expectations.
Me: I think my expectations are reasonable. Iā€™m not gonna cry if thereā€™s a crumb on the floor. U think my expectations are in another planet but itā€™s not even like that itā€™s so basic itā€™s ridiculous. The TP rollā€¦. Come on itā€™s that freaking hard?
Her: Iā€™m done. Iā€™m not a toddler
Me: well stop acting like one then
Her: okay keep pushing me away. TP really? If not that itā€™s something else.
Me: you act like your incapable of putting the tp on the roll incapable of putting something away that u took out ā€¦ incapable of putting ur sock one more foot away where its supposed to go ITS JUST A BAD HABIT I DEAL WITH EVERY DAY I PICK IT UP EVERYYY DAY
Her: just admit it Iā€™ll never make you happy. God forbid you have a bad habit. U wanna know what. Tearing your wife down.
Me: yeah itā€™s a bad habit, at least I can admit my wrongs
Her: wow
Me: Yeah letā€™s go over all the things I tore u down about this month. First it was the drinking then it was the stranger u brought in our house, then it was the sex, now itā€™s responsibility at home.
Her: how bout ur F ing wife struggling at her job and F ing struggling and ur worried about TP
me: because every day for years itā€™s my responsibility to carry and itā€™s that amongst the 100 other things I pick up after you and sometimes I want that weak moment and not care about it but I do cause itā€™s always there waiting for me to put it back together
Her: leave me alone
Me: ok leave me alone too. Ur struggling about work and im struggling about our life!
Her: we need therapy or we need to separate Iā€™m tired of trying so hard to be told Iā€™m not good enough
Me: and whose responsibility is it to find therapy? Cus if itā€™s not me it wonā€™t happen. Iā€™m just tired of all the responsibility right now. Thatā€™s all im trying to say and itā€™s not the first time Iā€™ve ever mentioned it.
submitted by housekeeper713 to Marriage [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 11:51 Grouchy-Frosting8349 Really struggling with 4 year old

Any advice. I honestly donā€™t know where to begin. I dread spending time with my daughter. I love her. I canā€™t cope most of the time. She doesnā€™t seem like other kids her age. She is almost 5.
She talks over me and her dad constantly. Any attention is good attention. She yells, shouts, does naughty things, punches the walls to make a noise, pretends to cry, and runs off and then is gleeful that weā€™ve stopped what we are doing to tell her off.
She canā€™t not talk. She talks incessantly while being desperate for eye contact and tapping me for 12 to 15 hours a day. I canā€™t cope with it. Most of it is repetition, constantly the same questions over and over again and I do always answer her first time and give her attention. But itā€™s never enough. Nothing I do is enough. We try the ā€œwe are talking wait your turnā€ and ā€œtime outā€ nothing works.
I donā€™t spend lots of time on my phone and she doesnā€™t have tons of screen time. We do things together, I plan activities and Iā€™m currently on mat leave so very present, as her baby sister is no trouble at all.
She is very attached to her baby sister and we donā€™t see any jealously issues she likes to help with her.
Her need for attention is utterly frantic and always has been. It is crazy. I just canā€™t keep up with it or bear it. I almost cried last night because she was even stopping me trying to steal 2 minutes to eat over the sink, shouting the same sentence over and over and pulling on me and stopping me talking to my partner. I cannot exaggerate when I say it starts as soon as she wakes up until bed. I cannot bear it any more.
She is destructive and breaks most toys sheā€™s given. She rips up the garden. Not maliciously, she just canā€™t be gentle. She doesnā€™t think. She canā€™t wait her turn. She canā€™t stay still. She constantly falls over. She wonā€™t look where sheā€™s going. She whinges and becomes listless if left to ā€œbe boredā€ which I am trying to do more of.
I can see her at the moment and she is frantically trying to give me things to do whilst I write this. Can I have a snack. Can you get me my toy. Iā€™m hungry. She doesnā€™t want anything she can just see im busy. Now sheā€™s started trying to put a plastic bag over her head because I am preoccupied with something else.
She is being assessed currently for ASD, I feel ADHD if anything is more likely but they donā€™t assess til 6+ here and I am just as a loss each day. She drains me. Days are not fun. Nothing is good enough.
submitted by Grouchy-Frosting8349 to Parenting [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 11:44 hello-kitty2009 Song List for Study

Espresso ~ Sabrina Carpenter Death Bed ~ Powfu, beabadoobee Ily baby ~ Surf Mesa, Emiliee Moral of the Story ~ Ashe Heather ~ Conan Gray Until I found you ~ Stephen Sanchez, Em Beihold
submitted by hello-kitty2009 to u/hello-kitty2009 [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 11:28 ThrowRA26_12 I have severe SPD(symphysis pubic dysfunction) pain.

Iā€™ve had SPD for pretty much the latter half of my pregnancy. This is my second pregnancy but first time ever experiencing this. I feel like Iā€™m in near agonizing pain, especially when getting out of bed, walking, and stairs. Iā€™m currently 37 weeks pregnant. Baby has been in head down position for a couple weeks now and Iā€™ve been carrying low most of the pregnancy. I know to sleep with a pillow in between my legs, try to move my legs in close together and in unison(when getting out of bed) and not to do things like squats, bending forward, sitting cross cross, etc. my OB has not taken me seriously but this is excruciating and is really impacting my day to day life.
My question is: for those of you who may have dealt with this, does it really get better after the baby is here? If you had a vaginal birth, was it harder due to SPD or did it not make a difference?
Iā€™m so worried about being stuck like this in pain for really any much longer.
submitted by ThrowRA26_12 to pregnant [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 11:23 LoriLawyer Husband in hospital- babies filling in daddyā€™s side of the bed. They are so sweet! ā¤ļø

Husband in hospital- babies filling in daddyā€™s side of the bed. They are so sweet! ā¤ļø
Love my little guys. 7 days in- Leo is bonding with his baby brother, Luke ā¤ļøā™„ļøā¤ļø
submitted by LoriLawyer to cavaliers [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 11:08 snail-mail227 Cried watching my husband give my baby a bottle

Breastfeeding has been a challenge. First dealing with a shallow or non-existent latch and a baby that wonā€™t stay awake to eat. Saw a lactation consultant and that helped with his latch. He is almost 6 weeks now and itā€™s a whole ordeal to get him to breastfeed. He pulls off frequently and cries. Wonā€™t re-latch unless heā€™s starving. If he doesnā€™t eat for a full 30 mins heā€™ll be screaming hungry in 10 minutes. So my days/nights consist of constantly trying to put baby back on the boob over and over. Iā€™ve tried all the different positions, ect. Iā€™m going to see a LC again next week, but Iā€™m just burnt out and frustrated. Itā€™s really affecting my mental health.
I pump once in the morning so my husband can do 1 bottle overnight. Last night I gave up after an hour trying to feed before bed and told my husband to help me just do a bottle. I have never seen him take a bottle because itā€™s always when Iā€™m sleeping. He drank the bottle seamlessly and was so satisfied after. It took a quarter of the amount of time. I just broke down crying. Partly from relief, partly from jealousy that itā€™s so easy for my husband to feed hum, and partly from feeling like Iā€™m failing.
Thinking about exclusively pumping, but I donā€™t think I could stick with that. I hate pumping and I know itā€™s so much harder to maintain supply. And thinking about switching to formula makes me feel such immense guilt I just canā€™t do it. Breastfeeding and motherhood is so hard :(
submitted by snail-mail227 to breastfeeding [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 10:53 Bouswa 18 month old up from 12-3 5/7 nights a weekā€¦

My boy has always been a good sleeper since he was a baby. He learned to put himself to sleep like 3 months and was in his own crib in his own room by 4 months. At 6 months he was sleeping trained and for the most part slept through the night, since then. The last month, heā€™s suddenly started having problems. At this point Iā€™m chalking it up to sleep regression but I was curious if anyone had any advice.
Weā€™ve tried: Allergy meds and that seemed like it helped but it didnā€™t help long I guess. A toy car to keep him company A night light Tiring him out during the day with the park, etc (by the time we put him to bed he seems tired) Cutting down his nap by an hour
Everytime I go in there to check on him (which has only been like twice now), I hold him, walk him around the room, rock with him, talk to him, put him down in his crib again and leave. During this time he is pretty quiet which is odd for him and he doesnā€™t seem particularly troubled. Even when I put him back in his crib he is fine and doesnā€™t complain, but then he takes another hour or two to finally get back to sleep. So it doesnā€™t even seem like that helps. He is a very scheduled kid, bed time at the same time every night (730 pm), same time for naps, he has a bedtime routine, wakes up at 8am every morningā€¦. I donā€™t think I can completely cut out his nap, he gets too tired during the day. With cutting back his nap time he sleeps about an hour and a half from 1230 pm to 2 pm. Iā€™m going to call my pediatrician here soon, but please if anyone else has any other suggestions I would love to hear them. Thank you!
submitted by Bouswa to toddlers [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 10:40 No_Seaworthiness5738 haaaalp 1 yr old and 3 yr old cats not getting along

I have had my kitten for almost a year now and he turned 1 in March. I adopted him when he was 4 months old and I got my resident kitty when he was about 6 weeks old. I was in college when I got my first cat and he was absolutely insane (as all kittens are). He stressed me tf out and I definitely played with him with my fingernails (which I later read is not smart to do) as he now bites me and anyone who comes over to get attention. I have moved many times with my cat and he has lived with other cats that do not particularly like him and has played with small dogs his size. He is half maine coon and is about 15 lbs. Most female cats have not gotten along with him in the past even though he just likes to follow them around and watch them or even boop their nose with his paw out of curiosity and maybe social awkwardness as he was raised in my 1 br apartments.
I recently graduated and had a full time job. I did not feel like I had enough time for him as he is very affectionate and playful. He has always gotten along with other animals and showed a lot of interest in other furry friends. Last summer I had recently moved into my own place after living with my roommate and her 2 female cats and had decided I wanted to get him a friend. I went to the nearest animal shelter just to play with the cats. As soon as I got there the people at the shelter told me about a kitten they wanted me to meet. I told them I didnā€™t think it would be a good idea and that I didnā€™t think I had the time for another crazy kitten. Long story short, I fell in love with little him and couldnā€™t stop looking at the pictures I took of him and picked him up the next day.
When i adopted him they assured me that since my resident cat was so relaxed and the kitten was well socialized I would be fine to introduce them a few hours after I got him settled at my apartment and theyā€™d play all day long and blah blah blah. I got him home, played with him, let him smell my cat under the door and eventually let them into the same room. Immediately my kitten was showing signs of aggression which my resident cat was not even responding to. Most of the time when my kitten is being aggressive (puffy tail, walking sideways, ears back, tail flapping) my resident cat is laying down a few feet away. Also, he was so tiny compared to my cat but eventually they slept together in my bed and on the floor.
My kitten plays rough and I thought since my cat likes to bite me and attack my arms (sometimes he is insanely aggressive and very strong) he would be a perfect wrestle buddy. There have been multiple times where I have had to separate them from rolling around on the ground or one pinning the other to the point where they are screaming. Itā€™s like watching WWE they throw each other and chase each other but it always seems to end with aggression from one of them. My kitten will stalk my cat and chase him up the cat trees, wait for him to get out of the litter box and chase him under the bed, or anytime my cat gets near the couch my kitten will shake his booty and run after my cat until heā€™s in another room. My cat is very chill and he has distanced himself from me. It was unfair of me to improperly introduce them and allow my kitten to bully my resident cat. I do not want my resident cat to hate me and I want him to be able to cuddle with me without fear of being body slammed. My kitten is very affectionate and sweet and I want to make sure I try everything to make this situation work. After initially separating them, my cat started doing some of the things he used to do again but after letting them spend longer periods of time together, my kitten is doing the same things.
My bf and I have been separating them for a few weeks. We live in an 800 sft apartment and are moving to a space that is twice the size in less than a month. I messed up with the initial introduction and have separated them recently as the issues have gotten worse. I have been feeding them separately and worked them up to feeding with the door open just on different sides where they donā€™t see one another and only letting them spend time together supervised. We have kept my kitten in the bedroom and bathroom, moving him to the bathroom at night and allowing my cat to be in the bedroom and living room at night. I am unemployed and spending all day at home. Both kittens cry when I leave one room and my kitten has even learned how to jump against the door to open it. I resorted to letting them hang out in the living room, separating their food and water, and separating my kitten when he is aggressive towards my cat. I just read about not free feeding so I will pickup their hard food bowls tomorrow. We also have a spray bottle and have been watching them play and spraying the kitten when he bites or jumps on top of my cat to the point he is trying to flee. We are trying to teach boundaries but my cat will let him bite and swat at him until he screams in pain and just runs away. My cat is a lover not a fighter and my kitten is both.
Lastly, we have urgently been trying to work on these behaviors because we are planning on introducing my bfs dog to our cats when we move. I am confident that my resident cat will get along with her but I am fearful my kitten will not adjust. We are planning on keeping the kitten in a room to himself and my cat in another room. We are getting a baby gate to first introduce her to my cat and eventually face to face meeting. We are planning on starting the reintroduction process over again in the new place for a longer period of time. We are hoping that reintroducing the cats and then my kitten seeing my cat and dog interacting calmly and relax with the aggressive behaviors. I have tried to spend time with them playing separately in their spaces and then playing with them together and half the time leads to the rough playing that stresses my cat out. His dog is laid back but he is unsure how she would react to the kitten biting, scratching, or being rough. I want to give my kitten the best life possible. He is so adorable and has so much energy and love to give. He is smart and understands he is being bad when heā€™s biting his brother!
If you got this far thank you so much and if you have any advice I would greatly appreciate it!!!
submitted by No_Seaworthiness5738 to CatTraining [link] [comments]


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