Moving away poems to someone you love

I never planned to be a caretaker. My abusive mom kicked me out when I turned 18, and my grandpa let me come live with him. I love my grandpa to death, he helped raise me. And about four years ago, he got diagnosed with COPD, as a result of the smoking he did when he was younger as well as the second hand smoke from my grandma, who passed from COPD back in 2011.
It's been downhill since then. He's had pneumonia and covid, and his COPD's been getting worse and worse. Until recently, I was still able to live my life; go out and pursue my interests, go on trips because traveling is my one true passion, work... but he's been getting even worse recently, and I've started to have to dedicate all my time to being his caregiver. Cleaning up accidents, always making him food, you know the works..
My dad (my grandpa's son) helps when he can, but he lives pretty far away so he can't get down to our house often. A few years back, I began planning my dream trip to Japan. I've always wanted to go, and especially wanted to travel out of the country before I turned 30 (which is this year). Everything was set up great, my dad was even going to manage to get down here every few days to check on my grandpa..
Then, three days ago, my grandpa had a fall. It wasn't too bad, he didn't break anything, but it shattered his confidence. He has to use a walker now, and he's hardly eating or drinking. He's depressed and scared and I don't blame him. My flight was tomorrow, but he told me about an hour ago that he doesn't want me to go anymore. He's scared of being alone, and he said he doesn't know if he'll make it without me.
So i canceled. My dream trip, canceled on the eve of the flight, just like that. And I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and depressed and angry. I'm not mad at my grandpa, it's not his fault. But I also never asked for this. I never asked to be a caretaker, I never asked to give up my life and my passions. it all just kind of fell to me, and now it feels like it's getting to a point where I won't be able to be me anymore, for who knows how long.
And it makes it even harder because I don't want anything to happen to my grandpa. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to him and I wasn't here because I was off on a trip.
But still. the trip meant a lot to me. and now it's gone and i don't know when I'll be able to try again to do it. I don't know how much more of my life is going to pass me by, and sometimes it doesn't feel worth it to hang on and even try to live.
I don't really have anyone to talk to about this either. I don't want to burden my dad more than I already have, with stuff I won't get into. And I don't want to just leave my grandpa to suffer when he relies on me so much.
I just feel so lost and heartbroken right now and it feels like It'll never end, and I just don't know what to do.

“Hey Pretty.”
I had just walked out of the club when I heard her voice. A beautiful voice. An accent I couldn’t place. She was behind the wheel of a black and silver convertible Shelby that was rumbling in the street.
“Don’t you want to take a ride with me?”
She was in this purple thing that cut off just under her butt and squeezed her perfect breasts up to her chin. She looked like she was from somewhere in the middle east.
She opened the passenger door.
I got in.
“What’s your name?”
“Lilith.”
“I’m Mark.” She laughed.
“It doesn’t matter.”
We sped off into the night.
She reached forward to the radio and found the song she wanted.
She pumped up the volume.
I could feel it beating in my chest while the wind beat against my face.
“Give me your hand.”
I gave it to her. She placed it on the stick shift and then she draped her hand over mine.
“Help me.”
We shifted into high gear and she pulled onto the freeway. She started weaving in and out of traffic, shifting up and down. I don’t know if she ever went below a hundred. Her driving scared me, but it was exciting. She was a precise machine behind the wheel.
“Who was that girl in the club?”
I didn’t answer. I silently cursed myself. She had been watching me.
“The one you screamed at and slapped?”
“She’s no one. She doesn’t matter.”
Another smile.
“Interesting.”
Something pierced my hand underneath hers. I tried to pull away, but I couldn’t. My body went numb. I couldn’t even speak. My tongue wouldn’t work. My eyes were the only things that I could move.
I started to panic.
She smiled.
“You’re exactly what I was looking for.”
She jerked the wheel to the right and we flew down an offramp onto a crowded street. She started breathing fast, and I watched her bite her lip as she started to weave through traffic on the surface street, sometimes hopping the curbs onto the sidewalks. She never slowed down. People jumped out of the way.
I was helpless. My heart was pounding. She moved the car to the beat of the music, and the more panicked I became, the more sharp inhales she made.
She was getting off on how terrified I was.
My hand felt hot and wet. I moved my eyes down. I could see that her hand over mine had turned a milky clear; almost translucent. I could see that my hand was liquifying into hers.
She was absorbing my hand.
She moaned and flew back onto the freeway.
She took her hand from the stickshift, leaving me with nothing below a melted wrist. She splayed her fingers over my face.
It burned.
“You taste so good!” Her hand and fingers spread out in a clear thin film that covered my face.
My hearing was muffled.
I couldn’t breathe.
My eyes popped.
I was melting into her.

I see something pop up on here a lot from older fans, especially male older fans, which is asking if its "okay" to enjoy Olivia's music with some worried about being embarrassed or ashamed or something about it with some folks not wanting to be made fun of. Why?
I'm a man in my early 40s and I think she's great and am unashamed nor worried about being ripped on for it. Maybe it's just from a youth of having the bands I like being ripped on and having formed a callus to it but I really don't see the big deal. Love what you love and stop caring about others who are still mentally stuck in high school who'd give you crap about it.
Hell I'd probably wear the merch if any of that appealed to me like her music does but I also get I'm not the target audience remotely so I save a few bucks. The fan made stuff is generally cooler looking anyway.
But, back on track, why does it concern you that someone's music appeals to you? That's the entire point of music in the end, isn't it? To reach people?

So i know this seems obscure and shit but idk what to do and its eating up my life and my health currently like im supposed to be happy but im not sorta thing. So there was this girl i met in college 3 years ago, which i really liked. We used to be playful with each other and basically everyone knew we were kinda into each other. So that went on for about 4 months, and im a shy guy whose been rejected more than i can count, so i was not doing the first move. It got to a point where it started to really hurt not being with her and i just couldnt bring up the courage. This was until about 4 months in where she took me away from all my mates, where we sat on a bench and told me the most gut wrenching thing. She said she knew she liked me but she had started seeing another guy. It felt like a literal gunshot and it hurt so bad like a throw up pain like i wanted to cry. After that I held it in sucked it up but whenever i did in my life i was never and have never been happy. Idk if anyone has experienced this but its been the worst 3 years of my life i cannot cope. I wanted to feel numb i want to feel numb. I met her in a club a couple weeks ago and she told me she broke up with her bf but insisted to everyone i was with she would never be with me. This sent me off the rails i broke down and left i was lucky there was a guy who stopped me and checked on me bc i was somewhere dark. I dont want this to consume my life anymore I want to be able to move on and be with someone else but it is not getting better.

Hi everybody,
I'm sort of new to the whole speakers world. Last year in my dorm room I had the audioengine 1 speakers and fell in love with them and audio quality. This year I am moving into a new living area and would like to upgrade the speakers for me and my roommates living room. I have fallen in love with music with high sound quality and would like some suggestions on stereo speakers or floor speakers for a 17'6 by 12' living room. My budget is around 500 dollars as a maximum, as I do not have too much money to spend on these. I was hoping you all could give me the best options with your expertise on what would cover the room and have the best sound quality, while staying within my budget. I can do bookshelf or floor or desktop, as long as the sound quality is nice and it covers the room well. Thanks!

“It’s called a grief doll” Dr. Ramos said.
I stared at him like he’d grown a second head.
“A what?” I asked.
I’d agreed to this session to get my mother off my back. Provided, of course, that she also foot the bill. And, truth be told, it hadn’t been an easy couple of months. The word “stillbirth” sounds a lot more peaceful than the reality of it all. You get all the same blood and screaming as a regular birth but with none of the joy afterwards. Things are, I guess, “still,” in a way. The silence of the grave.
“I know it’s a little unconventional,” Dr. Ramos said. “But, there’s been some really solid research to back it up recently. My colleague down in Camden–”
I cut him off. “You want me to buy a lifesized recreation of the dead baby that I just gave birth to?”
He looked slightly chastened by this. “I want you to process what happened, Mary. It can help. Look, if what you were already doing was working you wouldn’t be coming here, right?”
I sighed. “Alright. You’re the doctor. Who am I to argue with science?”
We talked a bit more after that, but it’s not really worth recounting here.
***
The next day I went to the address Dr. Ramos had texted me. It was a little building tucked away downtown between the huge tech skyscrapers and offices. When I walked in, the owner, a short man with a scruffy beard, smiled at me and said “You must be Mary.”
I nodded.
“Would you like to sit down? Do you want anything to drink? Anything to eat?”
I shook my head. “I don’t really want to stay here any longer than I have to, if that’s alright with you,” I said to the Rasputin-looking gentleman sitting behind the desk.
“I get it,” he said, nodding gravely. “People come here to get away from something, not to settle down. Do you have the pictures?”
I took them out of my bag. It had been quite a while since I’d needed to get photographs printed out. Ever since the world had gone digital we’ve all become allergic to paper.
“Here they are,” I said to him. These would serve as the model for the doll. He reached out and took them from me, examining them carefully.
“I think I’ve got what I need. I will let you know if I need anything more,” he said, stroking his long beard hypnotically.
I left and drove home. It was a quiet ride. Much more quiet than I’d been used to. Ever since Tim had left there were these little dead spaces throughout the day. He used to fill car rides with excited chatter about protons and leptons and all the -ons he got to work with as a physicist.
My brain had begun to fill these spaces with grim reflections on the past and future:
It’s your fault.
You don’t deserve a baby.
This is God’s way of telling you that you don’t deserve to be alive.
Over and over again these thoughts would run through my mind like the world’s most depressing tape recorder. Vicious, hateful, unbelievable things kept popping into my head as I drove the short distance home, making the trip feel far longer than it actually was.
***
I had taken to staring at the ceiling and crying myself to sleep most nights. The big, empty house felt suffocating at 3 AM, like all the open space was sucking the air out of my lungs every time I opened my mouth. This had been the way I spent most nights since the stillbirth. I tried to fill the silence any way I could. At all hours of the night, one could hear my TV blaring or my phone playing some podcast or another. Anything to avoid the little dead spaces between one task and the next.
But it was most difficult of all when I tried to sleep. I saw images of my little girl when I closed my eyes. I saw the blood and heard my own screams when it became clear that she would never take a breath. There were also subtler forms of self-inflicted torture.
Exactly one month after the worst day of my life, I came home from work to find Tim’s things cleaned out and a note on the kitchen table. It read:
“I’m sorry Mary. I can’t imagine how hard this month has been for you, but every day I stay here is like a knife to the heart. You’re just so sad and I can’t take it anymore.”
That phrase “You’re just so sad” played in a loop in my mind’s ear.
***
Eventually, I won the battle against consciousness. It was a fitful, restless sleep pregnant with terrible things. I felt like I’d lived an entire life come morning. I dreamt that I’d held little Sarah in my hands, that I’d been able to feed her from my own body just like I’d wanted to do for so many years. But as I held her against my chest she melted into a puddle of flesh and blood, yet never ceased to suck, to draw whatever life she could from me, and I was desperate to give it to her. Eventually, she was little more than eyes in a puddle of fleshy blood, staring at me from the ground and whispering “Why didn’t you save me, Mama?”
I woke with a start. Never, not once in my life, had I experienced a dream like this. I sat huddled in my bedsheets, shaking with tears as I saw the image of my melted little girl swirling around on the floor, asking why I hadn’t helped her. Reality seeped back in stages, penetrating the veil of sadness, and shocking me to my feet with the blaring intensity of my phone’s alarm. It was always turned up to full volume because anything lower risked my sleep-addled mind resisting its call to return from the deep. It had always been difficult to tear myself from the land of dreams, and more so after my life began to feel like a nightmare. But lately, sleep offered little respite.
I pulled on my clothes, brushed my hair so that it was halfway presentable, and poured myself a bowl of oatmeal. It was a gray, soggy pile at the bottom of my bowl. In a flash of unwanted connection, my brain superimposed the image of little melted Sarah onto my field of view. I nearly vomited into my bowl, but just then there was a knock on my door.
“Package,” the deep baritone on the other end intoned.
I opened the door and saw the mailman walking away. It occurred to me that nothing was stopping me from asking him out now that Tim had wandered out of my life. But, immediately, my brain stepped in to fill in the blanks:
Why would he want someone like you?
What the hell is wrong with you?
I don’t even want you and I am you.
These thoughts came as easily as my breath, and I had long since stopped trying to challenge them. In all likelihood, they were right. I picked up the package and saw that it was the grief doll. As soon as I got home from work I’d figure out what the hell I was supposed to do with the thing.
As I stepped into the bathroom, the mirror joined my inner voice in confirming my lack of romantic prospects. Deep, black circles formed rings under my eyes. Deeper wrinkles stood out on my forehead and my double chin and – was that a gray hair? Already? Immediately, the thoughts returned.
You’ll be dead at 50 by this rate.
The world won’t miss you.
Why not make it tomorrow?
Again, these suggestions were difficult to challenge with the evidence inches from my eyes.
***
It was hard to care about work. Even at the best of times, it hadn’t been the most fulfilling job in the world, but these days my cubicle felt like a tomb. My job was to call people who had filled out negative reviews for the phone company (I’m sure you know which one, but it’s probably best to leave that unsaid) and ask why.
This was a doubly depressing task because it was both neverending and pointless. How many times in the past month have you picked up a call from a number you didn’t recognize? I’m guessing the answer is lower than one. Almost nobody picked up, and those who did invariably did one of two things: hang up instantly upon realizing who I was or scream invective at me that I would hesitate before repeating to the devil himself.
One particularly creative gentleman suggested I fold myself in half seventeen times to create a black hole and then have intercourse with said hole while my company’s headquarters were sucked into the event horizon. Points for creativity. Deductions for misogyny. Although, in fairness to the man, I have no trouble believing he’d have said something similar to a male rep.
That day only two people picked up. One hung up immediately. The other launched into a tirade of such intensity and fervor that I was worried he wouldn’t make it to the end of the call.
“And another thing!” the man shouted as I quietly ate a sandwich on the other end. “Your website looks like it was designed by some rock monkey with shit for brains and feet for hands!” he screamed at me. This was an insult I hadn’t heard before. Variations on it appeared with some regularity, sometimes with racial overtones. I’m not entirely sure why this was, given that I had no accent identifying me as anything other than white, and in fact I wasn’t. The assumption seemed to be that because I worked in customer service I must be Indian. This leap in logic went unquestioned by a surprising number of my conversation partners. The average consumer of cellular services in this country is a few rocks short of an avalanche themself.
“I’m sorry that our services did not meet your quality and reliability expectations,” I said dryly, reading from the part of the script labeled “negative responses.”
“And I’m sorry that you people haven’t gone back to where you come from!” the man shouted.
“I’m from Omaha sir,” I said.
“Where you’re really from!” he shouted back.
“I’m really from Omaha sir,’ I responded tiredly. “And so is my father and his father, and before that we came over from England.” This prompted a string of racial epithets I’d rather not repeat. The rest of the day went like this, and after a while I defaulted to flatly repeating “I'm sorry that our services did not meet your quality and reliability expectations.”
My faith in humanity dimmed with each passing call. I decided to slip out at 4:00. I figured no one would notice. I figured right.

Hey everyone, I'm writing because I genuinely feel really confused about this. I'm 32 and never really dated anyone. I'm very big with a belly, back fat, but small boobs and a flat butt, about a size 28/58. All my life, all I have ever heard is that men just don't find bigger women attractive. I think I have believed this to be true all my life, so much so that I subconsciously step away from any potential partners because the idea that they could actually be attracted to me is mind boggling. So here I am, asking you all, despite reading so many success stories on here - do you think anyone could ever find me attractive? If yes, how do I even begin to find my sexual energy, or getting someone to see me as more than just a lump and a friend? Sorry if this is upsetting to anyone, but I really wish I could find my way here, because I've met someone whom for the first time I can actually see myself allowing to come close to me, if he so wishes (but I really, really doubt it because why would he? At least that's what the conditioned voice in my head says)

I’ve been long distance with my boyfriend for almost a year. We lived together for a while and he had to move away for school while I stayed for work. We love each other so much.
Last night got too drunk with my friend that I know has a crush on me, but he’s also friendly with my bf and knows I’m in a super committed and loving relationship. Stumbled back to my apartment, made us some snacks, sat on the couch. He slept on the couch like he always does but I was so drunk I almost kissed him. This morning I told my boyfriend I was so drunk I almost blacked out, and my friend was making moves/flirting and I didn’t know what to do or how to react. That’s all true, but in the moment I did almost kiss him first.
I feel like a piece of shit. I don’t know what to do, I love my boyfriend so much and I truly don’t have feelings for this other guy. I think I was just drunk and missing my bf but god I feel guilty. I know I just need to set boundaries, not let myself be in that situation again bc I know I enjoy the flirting even if I don’t ever want to act on it. But I feel like I’m a disgusting person

okay so…although i’m banned from posting/commenting in SwiftlyNeutral, i can still read every post and comment made on the page.
someone made a post about this group and said something along the lines of “they spend more time hating taylor swift than we do to praise her” and how WE need to touch some grass. i just couldn’t help but laugh because right under their post was a NOVEL about taylor and her lyricism and passion and possible theories yada yada - and i see post like this in that sub and the regular swiftie cult sub ALL. THE. TIME.
it’s silly because i think most of the people in this group are just chilling in reality and aren’t afraid of calling BILLIONAIRES out on their shitty behavior. i think defending some of the things she’s doing or defending things other swifties are doing (like sending death threats to billie Billie Eilish) is way worse than “hating on taylor”.
what i can’t stand as well is the swifties who are like “they just don’t get her music” or “they don’t even really know who taylor swift is” and 1…i actually have been a fan for almost 17 years and i tend to authentically like her music and can relate to a lot of it on a personal level, BUT you can understand/like the music and know the musician is not someone you want to “uplift” and that doesn’t mean you “don’t understand her music”. 2…lmao no one actually knows who taylor really is, but i feel like a lot of us can agree, especially as of lately, that she’s def been giving off mean girls vibes and i feel like it doesn’t take knowing someone when they are in the public eye constantly to decipher whether or not they are a good person 🤷🏻‍♀️
anyway…i’m going to go listen to But Daddy I Love Him and laugh to myself about how she literally is telling all the swifties to fuck off :-)))

I hate Christmas. Everyone seems to love it, but for me it’s just an overwhelming feeling of grief and sadness. Seeing my brother’s chair with no presents on it, only 4 plates at the dinner table and not going for dinner at granny and Granda’s on Boxing Day. I miss my daddy so much but I have to put on a brave face and pretend I can laugh about it but really when I make a joke it’s really because someone has said something and my brother and daddy are all I can think about so if I don’t say anything I will just be sitting in silence thinking about them for ages. I wish I could enjoy Christmas I really do but I just can’t. The rest of my family seem to enjoy it and they are smiling the whole day but I know that it is killing mummy but my sisters don’t really seem to care that much. I really want to just kill myself but I know it would break mummy to lose anyone else but I just feel so alone in this world even though I have friends it just doesn’t seem like they really care about me. I can go days without speaking to them and they probably think that I don’t like them but I really just don’t know how to speak to people sometimes. I don’t understand it all. I just wish mummy would understand that I’m not just lazy but I just get so caught up on my thoughts and my what ifs that I can’t speak or move without crying. I usually don’t cry but when I’m actually talking to someone about everything then I just break down and it’s so embarrassing.

The job has been OK...they throw you in the deep end right away but i think they realized i was struggling so pulled back a bit starting week 2.
I have 2 coworkers and 1 manager. Manager is lovely, Coworker 1 is OK. Coworker 2 had an emergency and has been away for 2 weeks, supposed to come back tomorrow; now word came out today she wants to be away for another 3 weeks. Obviously there's an emergency but its just really hard for her to be away for 5 weeks. My manager is not happy and is exploring alternatives, not sure what those are.
So now my training has been delayed managecoworker 1 have been busy picking up the slack, along with people from other departments pitching in on simple stuff.
My worry is since my training is now delayed, i could be 2 months into the job without being trained on some stuff. I'm on probation for my first 3 months. Then, my manager could think i'm behind and i could get screwed. I'm trying to learn, ask questions etc but its hard and things are definitely delayed.
Am i overthinking things? I'm already behind and feel like i may not get a fair chance to show my worth.

Before you read this, know that I am just babbling my mind out, I didnt think about these ideas/problems for more than 30 minutes and these are just very broad suggestions I would have had, if TF2 would to ever get active suppport again in the far far (most likely unprobable) future.
I know that the main focus of the whole #FixTF2 movement is the removal of bots and I completely agree, that this is the primary problem that needs to be taken care of. However, for some time I have thought, that the amount of items in the game is seriously overwhelming. By items, i mostly have cosmetics in mind. As it is stated on the TF2 wiki: " There are currently a total of 1820 cosmetic items." while many of these may be promotional, achievement or award cosmetics, the vast majority of these is composed of the hundreds of hats from the loot crates. With this amount of cosmetics, the game can be very overwhelming for newcoming players, but also for some veterans as well. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the customization TF2 brings to players, however in my opinion, it would be way more comfortable to have a more controlled item environment in Team Fortress 2.
Concerning weapons, there is way less of them and it is more clear and easier to navigate through the options to play with, though some regulation would still be very welcoming in my opinion. For example, have you ever seen someone use the "Third degree" for anything else than the cool electric guitar taunt it has? Or the most hated (i presume) weapon "The Sun on a Stick" which looks cool though never seen anyone use it. Weapons are more difficult to regulate, since unlike hats it actually changes the gameplay dynamics. Some people would hate weapon changes and some would like them. Maps are also one factor of choice, which is great since it lets people play a map, they personally enjoy. Though at this time there are 111 maps to choose from across the fundamental casual gamemodes (CP, CTF, KOTH, PL). Due to the amount of maps and the favoritism when it comes to choice in gameplay maps, many maps are barely being played on at all. I would personally love to see some regulation in the form of cycles or something similar to the principle of rotating through some interesting maps in two sectors. One sector would cycle the more popular, staple or original maps, and the other sector would cycle the lesser known maps, to give them some recognition.
Remember that this is all just my opinion and I would more than welcome any ideas or criticizms to my ideas. I would like to know what you would fix/change or add to TF2 for it to be more functional and easier to navigate through and make choices more easily.
Anyways, I hope that this movement will get the message through more clearly. Do not forget to sign the petition and check your E-Mail for the confirmation. It may take some time to get it but check as often as you can. Let your friends know about this issue, hell even tell your grandma about it. We got this.

Anytime I express the urge to move out and leave my dad becomes more generous and tries to buy back my love when I don't tolerate his abuse. How do you deal with "guilt gifts"? I constantly feel indebted. When expressing why I want to move out he insists that I'd never survive without him, he's stuck with me etc. I'm employed and have a car. The issue is that I am enticed to accept said generosity because I'm a moron and can't help it. In typical N fashion, it is constantly used against me and it sours the experience. I fear this may pose an issue if I were to go no contact. What should I do?

I (15) came out to my mom (35) about being transmasc back in January and she's been making my life living hell. Especially today. My mom doesn't like me and my siblings on social media. That includes YouTube. My sister (12) was scrolling through YouTube shorts and my mom started yelling at her about it. My mom started saying how it would make her confused on who she is because of everyone talking about LGBTQ+.
She started using me as an example saying that I'm "confused" and "brainwashed." I snapped at her saying that I'm not confused nor am I brainwashed, and she needs to leave me the fuck alone because this is the 4th time this month she made me cry trying to make me feel bad about my gender identity.
She started talking to me in private because she didn't want my siblings to be "exposed" to the community. She told me that I'm going to kill myself by going through the surgeries and 8 out of 10 people who go through it and later regret it.
I told her I didn't care because it might help me actually love myself. She also told me if any of my teachers or friends or random people call me by my preferred name, she will pull me away from them.
She said she is going to take me to a psychiatrist because I'm "sick" and my therapists are not going to be able to fix that. She told me that I'm not God and I don't have the power to just change my gender.
I am really scared right now about the psychiatrist part, and I don't know what to do. I've been planning on running away, but I'm too scared to leave my siblings with my mom because they won't have that comfortable support that they may need in the future.
My mom hurt me so bad by saying these words even my homophobic and transphobic sister who is younger than me said she is sorry for the way my mom is acting about me.
Does anyone have any advice on what I could do?

Hi everyone, with the DLC right around the corner and the addition of Messmer (most likely) to the roster, I thought I'd share a shower thought I just had about Marika's offspring.
At the present moment we know of nine Demi-Gods within the lore: 3 from the Godfrey/Marika union, 3 from the Rennala/Radagon one, and now 3 more from Marika/Radagon. What bothers me about this is the fact that I can't quite understand why would Marika seemingly go out of her way, even disguising herself, to have so many children when it appears she never meant to share her spot or abdicate in favour of anyone else. I would argue everything she did was with the precise goal of cutting all possible loose ends or liabilities to her rule, to the point she was willing to shatter the Elden Ring in this pursuit. Obviously, we can't say for sure what her motives were, but we can certainly infer there's some sort imperialist expansionist ideal moving the chessboard. So what if all of her children were also part of her plan to expand her rule all over the Lands Between (and probably not just that)?
Out of all nine children, we know for sure at least four were afflicted at birth with some sort of curse. And weirdly enough, three of them belong to enemies of the orthodoxy of the Erdtree:

• Morgot and Mohg were afflicted with Omen blood which is said to originate from the Crucible, which was in itself a religion that was probably supplanted by veneration of the new Erdtree
• Malenia was instead consumed by the Scarlet Rot, to a point where she almost becoming an avatar for the God of Rot, considered to be an Outer God

The only known one remaining is Miquella, which was cursed with eternal youth, although that doesn't correlate to any Outer God or religious beacon of faith we know about. The other likely candidate for an affliction at birth is Messmer. We do not know for sure, but it's a safe bet since he is probably a direct sibling to Malenia and Miquella, making him part of the Marika/Radagon union which is known to procreate afflicted offspring (since it's basically a self reproduction). At present time we don't know what is affliction is, but I'll leave the speculation for later.
Now, the possibility I came up with is that these afflictions weren't random, but a desired side effect that Marika sought for one reason or another. The main possibility, again, seems to be her push for unification under the Erdtree in the beginning, and later the Golden Order. If afflicted offspring act as vestiges for a certain Outer God or object of faith, controlling them means holding power over these deities. To be clear, when I say Outer God I don't mean it in a lovecraftian sense, but as in "outside of the sanctioned order". Marika had probably decreed that these faith where outlawed, however this would only concern faithfuls of the Erdtree. People or societies living on the fringes wouldn't compromise with someone who holds no authority over them. Which means that a unification or control project was needed for her plans to carry out.
Now we get into speculating territory so bear with me. To prove this assertion we'd need to actually point out how every child has its place in this grand scheme. Malenia seems a solid start with her being the Goddess of Rot and all, while Morgot and Mohg might be vestiges for the Crucible, their exile one final gesture of refusal of the old traditions. What about the others?

• Miquella is afflicted, but with what? is it possible we are talking about a specific God? Well one possibility is that they hold within themselves a god of Time. They're inability to age could be one clue, but the other is also given to us in the form of Miquella's needle, an item we get in a place within a time warp that allows us to revert the Frenzied Flame ending. It is possible that when Miquella was trying to cure Malenia, all they were doing was stopping the advance of the Rot through some time manipulation. How St. Trina would fit into all of this however, I do not know.
• Messmer is probably host to the serpentine deity that was venerated generations back within Volcano Manor. Not the Great Serpent mind you, but the deity to which all the shrines in the place are dedicated.

We cleared the easy ones, but what about the Rennala/Radagon offspring? Well, while they are not afflicted, there is a curious thing about them: at least two are specialised into schools of magic that heavily interfere with the influence that the Cosmos has over the Lands Between

• Radagon specialises in gravity magic, which allowed him to hold the stars in place entirely preventing any of their meddling into the destiny of people, as it was told
• Ranni is a moon sorceress, able to grasp and utilise the power of the Dark Moon in particular, which is probably another form of Outer God

If both of them served Marika, the universe, the sky, would have no of interfering with her plan. What about Rykard though? It's hard to draw any conclusive evidence since he cast aside his status to join the serpentine lifestyle. However there's room for one more cosmic entity we haven't accounted for: the Sun. We have no real way of proving this, but weirdly enough the only sorceries that aren't connected to a celestial body are the magma sorceries you get from the Volcano Manor questline. Maybe there's something there, I don't know. They certainly seem to be related to the Giants' Flame incantations, one of which is literally a sun.
This means the only one missing is the hardest one to cover: Godwyn the Golden. But at this point, would it be so weird for me to imply that Godwyn, almost a prophet to the Golden Order, was a desired vestige for it and always marked for death? Well if Marika's plan was to stand atop the world as the one and only god, killing Godwyn would be the last sacrifice you'd have to make before ascending: without the Golden Order, her rule would be absolute.
Ok, longer than expected. I don't think any of this is necessarily true but I hope some of it can be of use during the DLC to better interpret some of the events we'll come to know. Hope you enjoyed the pointless shower thought.

Alright, so we will start from the top.
When first dating my husband there were comments from his family herd secondhand from others that knew his family.
Comments like, "You know she's dated A LOT of guys before you."- my father in law. And "You guys should just try long distance"- Sister in law. There was the incident where his Mom came to my husband crying and begging for his sister's to be in the wedding as my brides maids even though I didn't know them very well and his one sister thinking we were moving too fast.
There's the awkward me having to tell my father in law my weight in front of multiple family members on a family reunion trip. Making me feel really uncomfortable because I had gained weight and I knew it..
The overall feeling invisible and out of place in the room at most reunions. Not really having the same option or challenging beliefs of others. Most of the time I want to have deep conversations and not just surface level conversations. That and his family is really into sports, which good for them, but I am definitely more of a lets garden and read a good book kinda gal.
Basically, I am the married in black sheep and to be honest that's okay with me. What's not okay is this tale I am about to tell. Sit down and get comfortable.
At the recent family reunion it seemed to start off awful my kids get MAJOR carsick (I have 4) and my daughter throws up on the way to said event. Leaving us to realize we left our bathroom bag at home. Which no big deal, till I have no glasses with me and if your blind like me you know when contacts come out and no glasses are on might as well be completely blind.
We make it to said reunion and we are paired with another family with young kids my husband is 1 of 6. All the young children are supposed to share a room next to ours upstairs. I told my husband I was nervous about this and he tells me his usual, "It'll be fine"
Naturally it wasn't. We kept our youngest in with us who kept me up all night since I was brest feeding and my husband's nipples are useless. So when I say I was up all night, it was literally just me up all night. Not to mention my kids aren't the kind that sleep anywhere and they have internal alarm clocks of 630-7am there's no sleeping in for them unless they are ill. It was frustrating because I would go to put my kids to sleep and 30 minutes later their kids would come in and be super loud and wake my kids up. I'm sleep deprived they are sleep deprived and not to mention I probably live in burn out 90% of the time due to not having any community or family support.
On day 3 of trip I am then tasked with watching additional children without my consent. Like one parent was out exercising another left to go with pretty much everyone else to play basketball. My MIL was at breakfast with some of her friends. So, it's me and 6 kids at a random air bnb somewhere cold and I am exhausted. (Don't worry, I had that beef out with my husband later)
Did I mention that some of the family came with covid?
The next day the whole family was supposed to go on a hike but it would have been an hour and a half drive to the hike and an hour and a half back. We were to leave the day after and our drive to the reunion was the longest. So, we told them no not happening my MIL wasn't happy.
That night my youngest was having a hard time sleeping and started to develop a cough I thought greeeeeat is this covid? I LOUDLY announce my kids are going to sleep before heading over to our house that we are sharing. As my husband and I are trying to get our kids to sleep. My SIL decided it was the perfect time and place to bathe her kids loudly in the bathroom that is IN the kids room. Despite there being 2 additional bathrooms. My husband popped his head in and asked them to be quiet that their cousins were trying to go to bed. Ignored by the SIL.
When all kids were finally asleep I went down to grab some medicine. For my youngest and my MIL asks for probably the 3rd time if we could change our mind about going on the hike. I said no not happening. She asked if there was anything else wrong. To which I looked at my sister in law and said "Hey could you use a different bathroom next time? Or tell us when you're putting your kids to bed tomorrow night. It was kindof inconsiderate when I was putting my kids down to wake them up and be that loud.." her response, "I didn't know" I said "okay, tomorrow night can you use a different bathroom?" She said okay and halfway up the stairs I hear it..
"I have been so freaking nice to her can you believe that?!.. " and goes on to trash talk me more with her husband and my 2 in laws. I walked back down and said if you have something to say then say it to my face.
To which my MIL gets involved and said, "You should have said something in the moment." And told her that she was being too loud (not knowing at this point my husband DID). You should have told her to move. To which she chimes in and says, "It's their bathroom too!" To which I then say "There are 3 bathrooms in this house I am exhausted, my kids are exhausted, and now I am being told I am wrong for asking you to use a different bathroom?" My MIL dismissed me and told me to go to bed.
I was livid. I was dismissed and treated like a child. My in laws let her talk shit about me and didn't even defend me and apparently people are doing me a favor by being nice to me? I was DONE.
I told my husband what happened and that I wanted to leave that I was over this and treated with disrespect. He said that's fine I get it. I packed up and we were going to leave. My MIL saw this the next morning and cried told me I was being selfish gaslit me and told me I attacked my SIL that didn't I see her crying? I was like nope because when my contacts are out I can't see.
My husband let her and my father in law rip into me. (He said he didn't want to be involved big betrayal to me that we have had to work through) I tried to talk to my SIL and apologize if it came off as me :attacking her" as my MIL put it. And she walked away from me and wouldn't even let me talk to her. It was awful. If you, "Love" someone and want them to feel like family idk about you, but this ain't the family for me.
I have since distanced myself there was back in forward emails with my MIL about what I "should" have done. Lots of I'm sorry, but's.. and I wasn't about to deal. I told her we can disagree and give our relationship space. She tried sending a letter asking to start over, but never truly apologizing. My SIL too. Nothing.
I can take a lot of crap in my life truly. And I have. But this. This was just too much. I decided boundaries are the best way to go. I'd be cordial, but I am NEVER going to a family reunion again. And to be honest, I don't want to have a relationship with any of them because to me it's toxic and manipulative. I apologized for using a tone, but I never yelled as my MIL claimed. And as far as asking someone to be more mindful of my kids I am not going to say that I am sorry for it.
Months later after me no contact with my MIL she calls me to, "hash it out". She starts off with that "she's sorry, but that there seems to be something else going on with me.. I have been a part of the family for so long to act out with such "anger" (because she's still claiming that I was or am angry) I have to have something else wrong." I told her there have been instances over the years and interactions with family members that don't make me feel like I belong. I was candid and volunerable with her. Wrong. Move.
"Wow it sounds like you have a lot of insecurities that you may need to work through have you thought about seeing a therapist for your mental health?" -MIL
I am ALL about mental health, therapy is for EVERYONE. But WTF. I set a boundary she doesn't like it now I need therapy, because I don't want to play nice and be manipulated? Then halfway through the conversation of me defending myself and reliving the trauma I already experienced she says, "well, maybe I have nothing to be sorry for.." there it is folks. Can we say narcissist?
What are YOUR thoughts?

In the Quenta Silmarillion, the people of Nargothrond in general (and Orodreth their second king in particular) are depicted as fickle and weak of character, less like a bulwark and more like a flag in the wind (sorry for the German idiom).
For Orodreth, Curufin straight-out calls him a “dullard slow” (HoME III, p. 237)—and Christopher Tolkien agrees: “It may be that the position imposed on him by the movements in the legend led to the conclusion that [Orodreth] cannot have been made of very stern stuff.” (HoME III, p. 246) Orodreth also leans fully on Túrin from the moment he arrives in Nargothrond (see CoH, p. 163). (For more on how Orodreth became weaker and weaker with every iteration of the story, see here https://www.reddit.com/tolkienfans/comments/1aywrzg/celegormor_the_fall_of_a_prince_charmingpart_2/ )
But the same applies to the people of Nargothrond. The moment Celegorm and Curufin arrive in Nargothrond, even though Finrod is still alive and still king, they immediately take over. As Finrod tells Beren, “And now Celegorm and Curufin are dwelling in my halls; and though I, Finarfin’s son, am King, they have won a strong power in the realm, and lead many of their own people. They have shown friendship to me in every need, but I fear that they will show neither love nor mercy to you, if your quest be told.” (Sil, QS, ch. 19) If his people hadn’t already fallen under Celegorm and Curufin’s sway, Finrod wouldn’t have needed to be concerned about this; note here that he says that “they have won a strong power in my realm”, and that they “lead many of their own people”.
That Finrod is right in his assessment of the backbone of his people is shown the moment Finrod tries to convince his people to follow him on Beren’s quest. Celegorm and Curufin sway the people of Nargothrond with two speeches, putting so much fear into them that they will drastically change how they act for many decades (until Túrin shows up and sways them into the other direction):
“Many other words he [Celegorm] spoke, as potent as were long before in Tirion the words of his father that first inflamed the Noldor to rebellion. And after Celegorm Curufin spoke, more softly but with no less power, conjuring in the minds of the Elves a vision of war and the ruin of Nargothrond. So great a fear did he set in their hearts that never after until the time of Turin would any Elf of that realm go into open battle; but with stealth and ambush, with wizardry and venomed dart, they pursued all strangers, forgetting the bonds of kinship. Thus they fell from the valour and freedom of the Elves of old, and their land was darkened. And now they murmured that Finarfin’s son was not as a Vala to command them, and they turned their faces from him. But the curse of Mandos came upon the brothers, and dark thoughts arose in their hearts, thinking to send forth Felagund alone to his death, and to usurp, it might be, the throne of Nargothrond; for they were of the eldest line of the princes of the Noldor. And Felagund seeing that he was forsaken took from his head the silver crown of Nargothrond and cast it at his feet, saying: ‘Your oaths of faith to me you may break, but I must hold my bond. Yet if there be any on whom the shadow of our curse has not yet fallen, I should find at least a few to follow me, and should not go hence as a beggar that is thrust from the gates.’ There were ten that stood by him; and the chief of them, who was named Edrahil, stooping lifted the crown and asked that it be given to a steward until Felagund's return. ‘For you remain my king, and theirs,’ he said, ‘whatever betide.’ Then Felagund gave the crown of Nargothrond to Orodreth his brother to govern in his stead; and Celegorm and Curufin said nothing, but they smiled and went from the halls.” (Sil, QS, ch. 19)
The text explicitly tells us that “they fell from the valour and freedom of the Elves of old, and their land was darkened” (Sil, QS, ch. 19)!
A very short time later, the people of Nargothrond change their minds again: now, they totally had nothing to do with abandoning Finrod, whoever would ever think that?? No, they had always supported Finrod, is the gist of this passage: “There was tumult in Nargothrond. For thither now returned many Elves that had been prisoners in the isle of Sauron; and a clamour arose that no words of Celegorm could still. They lamented bitterly the fall of Felagund their king, saying that a maiden had dared that which the sons of Fëanor had not dared to do; but many perceived that it was treachery rather than fear that had guided Celegorm and Curufin. Therefore the hearts of the people of Nargothrond were released from their dominion, and turned again to the house of Finarfin; and they obeyed Orodreth. But he would not suffer them to slay the brothers, as some desired, for the spilling of kindred blood by kin would bind the curse of Mandos more closely upon them all. Yet neither bread nor rest would he grant to Celegorm and Curufin within his realm, and he swore that there should be little love between Nargothrond and the sons of Feanor thereafter.” (Sil, QS, ch. 19)
Also, did the people of Nargothrond try to murder the two Elves who they had let persuade them what appears to be mere months before?
Anyway, despite this change of mind, the people of Nargothrond are still afraid, not going into open battle (including the Fifth Battle—shoutout to brave Gwindor and his people, though!), and instead using, among other things, “venomed dart[s]” (Sil, QS, ch. 19). Note that other Elves would have found this use of poison despicable: “For the Eldar never used any poison, not even against their most cruel enemies, beast, ork, or man; and they were filled with shame and horror that Eöl should have meditated this evil deed.” (HoME XI, p. 330)
The people of Nargothrond only recover their courage when Túrin, a Man in his 20s, shows up and quickly becomes Orodreth’s favourite. Weirdly, it sounds like they liked him because he was young and good-looking: “In the time that followed Túrin grew high in favour with Orodreth, and well-nigh all hearts were turned to him in Nargothrond. For he was young, and only now reached his full manhood; and he was in truth the son of Morwen Eledhwen to look upon: dark-haired and pale-skinned, with grey eyes, and his face more beautiful than any other among mortal Men, in the Elder Days.” (Sil, QS, ch. 21)
Easily swayed, aren’t they? And particularly by beauty. Meanwhile, the people of Nargothrond stop respecting Gwindor, and why? Because he was tortured as a prisoner of war: “Gwindor fell into dishonour, for he was no longer forward in arms, and his strength was small; and the pain of his maimed left arm was often upon him.” (CoH, p. 163)
Túrin convinces Orodreth and the people of Nargothrond to “buil[d] a mighty bridge over the Narog from the Doors of Felagund, for the swifter passage of their arms. Then the servants of Angband were driven out of all the land between Narog and Sirion eastward, and westward to the Nenning and the desolate Falas; and though Gwindor spoke ever against Túrin in the council of the King, holding it an ill policy, he fell into dishonour and none heeded him, for his strength was small and he was no longer forward in arms. Thus Nargothrond was revealed to the wrath and hatred of Morgoth” (Sil, QS, ch. 21).
At this point in the war, building that bridge and engaging in open warfare was obviously a terrible idea for the hidden kingdom of Nargothrond (as ideas originating with the Silmarillion’s Anakin Skywalker tend to be). Even Orodreth realises this: “Orodreth was troubled by the dark words of the messengers, but Túrin would by no means hearken to these counsels, and least of all would he suffer the great bridge to be cast down; for he was become proud and stern, and would order all things as he wished.” (Sil, QS, ch. 21)
So Orodreth basically managed to get deposed too, just like Finrod, by a handsome prince who’s strong and rhetorically persuasive.
So what’s up with the people of Nargothrond? Here’s a list of their allegiances over a period of thirty years: Finrod → Celegorm and Curufin → Orodreth → Túrin. In thirty years!
And the text itself gives us the answer: they’re fickle—“they fell from the valour and freedom of the Elves of old” (Sil, QS, ch. 19).
But why are the people of Nargothrond specifically so fickle, compared to the peoples of Fingolfin and Fingon in the West, and of Maedhros in the East? I think that u/xi-feng has the best answer to this question: “Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.” (G. Michael Hopf) https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8751435-hard-times-create-strong-men-strong-men-create-good-times
Finrod, a strong man, created a safe hidden kingdom in the South of Beleriand, far away from the lines of the Siege, which was fought mostly by Fingolfin, Fingon and Maedhros. Nargothrond is safe, and the lives of the people are easy. They become weak, changing allegiance at the drop of a hat, swayed by the strong personalities of Celegorm, Curufin and Túrin (with a short moment of self-reflection upon Finrod’s death that immediately nearly turned into a lynching).
And interestingly, the text hits us over the head with this, telling us that the people of Nargothrond have lost their valour, while highlighting that the peoples of the Northern kingdoms holding the Siege are full of valiant people:

• “But Fingolfin was held overlord of all the Noldor, and Fingon after him, though their own realm was but the northern land of Hithlum; yet their people were the most hardy and valiant, most feared by the Orcs and most hated by Morgoth.” (Sil, QS, ch. 14)
• “Maedhros did deeds of surpassing valour […]. Thus the great fortress upon the Hill of Hirming could not be taken, and many of the most valiant that remained, both of the people of Dorthonion and of the east marches, rallied there to Maedhros.” (Sil, QS, ch. 18)

Sources:
The Silmarillion, JRR Tolkien, ed Christopher Tolkien, HarperCollins, ebook edition February 2011, version 2019-01-09 [cited as: Sil].
The Lays of Beleriand, JRR Tolkien, Christopher Tolkien, HarperCollins 2015 (softcover) [cited as: HoME III].
The War of the Jewels, JRR Tolkien, Christopher Tolkien, HarperCollins 2015 (softcover) [cited as: HoME XI].
The Children of Húrin, JRR Tolkien, ed Christopher Tolkien, HarperCollins 2014 (softcover) [cited as: CoH].

Backstory: so my wife(30f) and I(33m) have been married 3 years now. This was an arranged marriage and we're both from the Indian sub continent. Right after marriage, we moved to a European country for better living conditions. I'm a full time employee and my wife was working until the marriage but not for the past 3 years. She is brilliant and worked in IT but after the EU move, she tried to switch domains but hasn't even been able to land an interview the past 2 years.
She is an absolute introvert who thinks and acts like I'm her entire world. I go outside, meet people, work buddies and the whole shebang but she has no one to talk or do any activities with.
I've tried explaining to her numerous times that she needs to step outside her comfort zone and make some friends or find interesting things to do like learn a new language or join clubs or something. Zero effort from her on anything.
I get to work fully remote but certain days I need some headroom to get some solid office work done and head to the office. I also go because I want to socialize with my colleagues. I want to go out for lunch with them and such but my wife insists that I take food from home. She is an amazing culinary artist but then I need a change too right? Nope. I get no leeway in any of this. If she does not cook and pack lunch for me on days I go to office, she makes nothing at all for herself and says "Whats the fun in cooking for myself?" and ends up not eating anything and goes hungry until I return at 7PM or so. The minute I get back she goes "I figured you would have gotten me take-away, on your way back home" Like I would have, if you had asked me for it specifically!! How am I expected to juggle a mentally tiring day and then keep all of this in mind too? There's always a wad of cash at home. You could have taken a stroll or headed to any restaurant to get yourself a meal of your choice? But nope, I'm expected to do everything for her.
She has become entirely dependent on me and me being physically around her every day that she just fails to see anything beyond me. It's sweet to an extent but there's only a limit to everything.
Today was one of those days I went into work. I had a rough day at work. She woke up along with me at 7am, made my lunch, pressed my clothes for me and got me ready to leave home at 8:30am. I'm heads down troubleshooting issues from 9am through 6:30pm. Got 2 breaks in the middle and was sure to call her up to see how she's doing. Get back home at 7:15pm and she starts a debate on how she sacrificed her career for us moving to EU. My day was extremely irittating and I come home to an argument. I snapped and said things I shouldn't have. Anyway that issue subsided in 10 minutes. I am on-call so I got called for an issue and was busy fixing that and was super tired that at about 9:30pm I said "i'm going to call it a night" and tried to fall asleep. She said her head was hurting and lied down on the bed. 30 minutes later I hear her crying, wake up and she's bawling her eyes out.
I had no idea what happened because I for real dozed off because of how tired I was. Now she starts quizzing me in my semi-sleepy state on what I missed doing today. After 10 minutes of back and forth and my dumb a$$ not trying to formulate anything further, she says "Did you even ask if I ate anything today?"
Sometimes there's so much in your head that you can't draw a line between an assumption and a fact. Today was one such for me and I said "Well you did say you had THREE pancakes this afternoon?" Apparently THREE was wrong. I never heard that. She never said that. I exaggerated in a flow of speech and she was like "Yep. Keep saying things that I haven't said or done. You're making me go crazy. You'remaking me second guess myself. Being alone in the house I'm going crazy already and this one to top it off!!!" She did sacrifice her individuality and her income and her career for me to move to EU but she doesn't have to bring it up every time we have an argument on this topic.
Anyway, after all that, I tried to convince her to eat something. I even tried to make her a small meal but she screamed at my face that she wouldn't want anything I made her. She went to bed on an empty stomach and i'm sure going to be blamed if she falls sick tomorrow.
I'm just clueless on why she behaved the way she does. Maybe she just feels alone when she shouldn't be. I've told her so many times to find something to do and that I will support her with anything. Like she gets real cranky for no reason and finds ways to make a fight out of it. But I love her too much and would do anything to fix this.
So AITAH for not understanding my wife? AITAH for making her feel alone?

I (33F) finished my dissertation in December and started my postdoc without any break in January. I still have some PhD papers that needs to wrapped up an submitted even though the data analysis and results generation are all complete. I have enjoyed my postdoc (5 months) so far and learnt a ton. I have travelled for two conferences presenting my PhD work during this time as well. However, moving to a new state away from my spouse (34M; who is currently in the final stretch of his dissertation phase) has been extremely difficult. On one hand, I want to be fully supporting for his final few months in PhD and job search (for industry). On the other hand, I can feel the Post PhD burnout catching up with me. It does not help that the postdoc is also demanding even though it is an amazing opportunity. I have noted that I am missing the deadlines I have set to my PhD advisor in finishing up the submissions of my PhD papers. My plan was to finish submissions and be done by the summer for all PhD work. I am also trying to submit some abstracts from my Postdoc work so far, but it seems simply unattainable at the moment.
I am finding it very hard to focus on PhD work during the weekend after a week of extensive Postdoc work and my brain seems to be protesting and demanding to rest after 5+ years of an aggressive PhD journey. I went above and beyond during my PhD and I did very well (7 first author papers excluding the PhD work that I am about to submit - which is considered pretty good for the field I am in). Even the projects I have written the dissertation on are submitted as conference abstracts and presented already so there is a written record and dissemination of the research in some format. However, I am worried that I over exerted myself that I am facing severe PhD burnout now. I was super excited for the TT journey and staring this postdoc. I had plans to submit for many fellowships, grants, and be super productive during this time. Instead, I am heavily demotivated and exhausted all the time. I find it hard to focus on any work. And I end up feeling guilty for not being as productive as I expected. I often question why I did a PhD as it does not seem to have helped me financially, or provided me more flexibility in terms of work-life balance. Living in two states is financially challenging for me and my spouse and we are barely making it through these days. All my friends in industry (engineering) are having 9-5 jobs with decent pay and a life outside of work they can truly enjoy. I am terrified that someone as passionate as me for academia is feeling this way just 5 months post defense.
Due to COVID and PhD I hardly had any time to travel or enjoy - and I do not see a way to change my workaholic life style anytime soon if I want to achieve the academic expectations of a postdoc and to secure a TT job in future. I am also worried about my biological clock ticking. I do not see a window to rest and have children under these conditions without that also adding to the workload. At the end of the day, I feel frustrated that I sacrificed 6+ years of my life doing a PhD (and this is coming from some one who was so sure of their academic journey until very recently) - to find out the work has just started and there is a long way ahead to be established in this field. So far I have done well and no one has seen the cracks forming but I see it and am terrified I am going to mess it all up. I want to drag myself forward until my spouse defends and finds a job so at least we are more financially stable to travel to see each other more frequently. Due to visa/financial reasons, I cannot travel frequently to see my parents/family outside of the US either. So I somehow have to manage and force myself to finish the current work.
I can give up and try to find a job in industry (Engineering), but I still have some love for the work that I do and I would regret it a lot if I do not give this career path a shot. I love doing research and formulating new ideas. I know it is my calling. I just don't know how to handle the burnout and isolation right now to carry on. I am posting in case there are others like me in similar situations/if people made it through similar situations have any advice for me.

With WWDC just 2 weeks away, I’d love to hear what you all are hoping to see most when visionOS 2.0 is announced.
What I want the most is location-based persistent windows. I use the same apps in the same arrangement everyday at work, as well as when I’m vibing on the couch. I’d love for Vision Pro to know what room I’m in and pull up my apps in the right arrangement without me having to fidget with it.
What about you?

I got my G1 in 2020, and because of the pandemic and moving away for school shortly after restrictions loosened, I’m only getting my G2 now. However, I just learned that your license expires 5 years from the date you got your G1.
Will my license expire before I can get my full G? I’ll only have had my G2 for 6 months when I reach the 5 year expiry date so I won’t be eligible to write my full G before then.