Check yahoo mail at school

Warning: abuse
At 19F in the middle of active alcoholism 3 years after my mom went to jail for murder for hire, I was a SW (looking?) for a SD? - while out at a bar I got approached by a 43M that I found attractive and very charismatic. Thinking we’d end up having “fun”, I returned the honest sentiment of attraction. We stayed together 2.5 years after that. He was a Chemist who laughed and made light of everything, his alcoholism and drug addiction became apparent from the beginning, but not to the extent that it got to/really was.
Like all relationships, things started out fun, a very Glee movie summer-like love, very free-ing. He was a Doctor of chemistry and worked in the oil field prior to my meeting him, because of his living situation and luxury cars he seemed like he was doing well. He never was any type of SD. The night I met him, we made eye contact and never looked away. Our chemistry, pun intended- was like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
I’m the youngest, not the smartest nor prettiest. I quit my jobs because I simply didn’t want to work sometimes, I made a lot of mistakes and I’ve been in the receiving end of family based bullying and school bullying, SA, R@p€, abandonment and trust issues, I’m bipolar, I practice/d SH, depression, GAD… things of the human condition that make it feel like I’m faulty.
This man was the first person that ever sat with me and listened to me vent to the extent that I did the first tight we spent together. We rarely had sex, but we shared breaths as we slept, (he inhales my breath as I exhale his breath, vise-versa and so on and so forth) to keep it brief and give example. He’s the most intimate partner I’ve ever experienced.
I notice others micro expressions and cater to their benefit if it seems they are troubled or asking for help.
I’m having so much trouble these days accepting the fact that I’m never going to meet him again. Specifically because he was so attentive and catering to my needs. He knew immediately when I was masking. I’m so confused and perplexed about the feeling of not having anyone in my life that has that interest in me. I felt so understood. That’s been my first and last experience with feeling understood like that.
He drank from morning to night nonstop. Together we became aware of what alcoholism was. Brown urine, blood, pain… regret that then led to arguments, accidents, threats, drugs, danger, fear turned to bonding, helping each other, trying to get better, failing. Trying again. Do it all over again. Fail. Again and again.
We managed to get sober a few days. His parents loved me. I understood and loved him. He hadn’t been sober for that long and trying for a long time. He was doing better, that’s what his mom would say.
Every relapse got harder, more dangerous medically and physically as well as economically.
Sleep deprivation was torture I hadn’t experienced before. I would be awoken with yelling because of delirium, anger and he would degrade me so badly. Use that bond we had against me, my own experiences turned against me he’d repeat the insults I shared with him to me. Yell those at me. Then love bomb. Then threaten me and my family with guns. I lived in fear when he blacked out. Felt lonely because with all of the yelling, smashing things around, being stared at by neighbors crying, being called an idiot dumbass in front of people and them witnessing me at a low point and then, agreeing with him? No neighbor knocked after crying and yelling to see if anyone was ok or dying. Public shame feels so. Fucking. Lonely. Isolation doesn’t help.
He stopped functioning. His body started giving out. I loved him. Took care of him cleaned his wounds after falls, his body after incontinence. He literally shed blood, shit and tears, regret and asked for forgiveness when I cared for him in his sober state.
In return, I’d receive non stop verbal abuse if I didn’t stop and do what he wanted me to at the time he wanted me to and how he wanted me to. If I didn’t give him my attention he’d end up getting it by threatening my family. And he would! Fight my brother and go after him with loaded guns. So there I would go do what he said. Forced to ride in a vehicle, with him locking the doors, blasting Phil Collins yelling at me. Driving erratically, dangerously. And I’d be so fucking scared of crashing. Just imagining the police report, “f19 dead alongside 43m after drunk reckless driving”. He’d speed in traffic so I couldn’t really jump out the car. I’d end up just drinking to numb the fear.
I had enough and attempted to sleepies forever by taking a sweet deadly cocktail of whatever handful of pills I could get my hands on. We had plastic gallon moving boxes filled with narcotics- he was a pharmacist too. I told him I was going to KMS he said go ahead, so I attempted and I filmed it.
From the setting up the phone in that closet, the one I color coordinated for him, his button-ups and suits in those dry-cleaning bags that hadn’t been opened since leaving the laundry shop… I watched my su!c!d€ afterwards. Out of morbid curiosity. “What a dumbass!” was what he said when he found me. I won’t go into detail of the full video but chest compressions hurt a lot, 10/10 would not recommend. And EMS left the AED stickers on my chest 🤷🏽‍♀️
After that 24hr watch, an awkward taxi drive to a crisis clinic that was understaffed and left me in a room by myself for two hours and walking in public with those see-through paper hospital clothes. Embarrassment is a light expression. When I was taken home, I didn’t have keys, or phone, or anything. Just my discharge papers and my cut vomit stained pajamas in a biohazard bag. - I lived in a gated neighborhood with key-fob-entry-only. I was fucked and waited what seemed like 4 hours for anyone to help me but no one showed up until HE did WITH MY BROTHER. The one who was threatened with a gun, that brother.
JFC the amount of insults, “what a fucking dumbass, what were you thinking? You’re a fucking idiot!” To summarize in the friendliest way. I was dressed in a see through hospital gown, I went straight to the shower, didn’t have the energy to get dressed when they kept just YELLING at me. INSULTING me- I had enough and wanted to defend myself. That’s when my brother pulled out his phone and started filming me pleading with them to let me sleep, calling me crazy, threatening to “show the family how fucking crazy you are!” - I threw my phone. Broke the microwave door. More insults, while still filming me, I was ordered to, “clean it up” - and at that moment. Completely detached, I did.
I put my brother on the soon-est bus to Mexico and sent him to rehab after 2 hell filled weeks of him living with us because he was so fucked in alcoholism he was homeless. To this day I don’t know how I did that.
I managed to leave my ex. 2 weeks later I receive calls from worried friends. Ryan was missing.
After investigating, (calls to police,hospitals, checking out the “usual” spots) - turns out he went to a Circle K looking for Peroni after the liquor store wouldn’t sell to him, tripped on the steps, hit his head on the pavement, STILL MANAGED TO PURCHASE ALCOHOL, left, got into a fight, and somehow miraculously ended up in his apartment where he tried to shower, fell face forward towards the water tap, (which left a softball sized bruise on his right eye and fractured his nose) he then tried to walk towards the kitchen? Passed out in the living room leaving blood all over the walls, puddles on the ground and the biggest blood clot stain on the floor ( we had to get crime scene cleaners). He apparently had a fit where he trashed the apartment by throwing my things, my plants, bottles of crown… anything. Everything was trashed when I found him in the apartment. I counted at LEAST 20 bottles of crown. He was so fucked up we thought he had been assaulted.
COVID hit and hospitals were in full lockdown. As an “essential worker” I could travel to the hospital to see him, and because someone somewhere said I was his wife/fiancée I was the ONLY one allowed to see him.
I snuck behind friends and family’s backs checking in on him at the hospital. Singing The Carpenters songs, wearing his favorite perfumes, reading Bill’s Story (IYKYK), playing Phil Collins. The whole 9 yards.
The last time I saw him, he was in Physical therapy/Rehab. He ended up moving back to his parents in California. Then February the next year, on Valentine’s Day - his mom let me know he passed.
She grieved very much attached to me. It was one of the saddest things I ever had to help someone through - alongside helping her son go through alcoholism.
I became a CNA as a tribute to helping him during those hard sober times where his body gave out. Helping others like that, bathing them, diaper changing, g-tube cleaning, hygiene essentials…
The classic grief started with what-if’s. Etc. it’s been hard lately because all my family is against him and his family resents me for being the only one with access to his medical records during COVID. I’m in a relationship now and our therapist told me to “put a break on it”. Recently. My mental illnesses keep getting worse and I feel like no other has taken such interest in me as much as Ryan did. He was so observant. So in-sync with me. And he was so shitty to me. He’s like the sweetest tasting radioactive flower that once was and will never be. And I’m grieving. And it’s so lonely out here.
I don’t know. I’m not suicid@l, I’m medicated and 4 years sober. It’s been hard and it’s getting harder to understand. I feel neglected and lonely. Anything helps please.

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So this story happened about a year ago near the end of my sophomore year in high school. For the end of my english class we had to make a presentation in partners about the book we were reading in small groups. So me and my partner, Nancy (not her real name). Now, Nancy is the popular girl of my school and, as you could guess, she refused to do any of the work on the presentation. I communicated this with my english teacher Ms. Eevee (not her real name) and she gave Nancy a warning that if she didn’t do at least 2 slides on the presentation, she would get a failing grade on the presentation. She said ok but the moment the teacher left, she swore at her under her breath and just stayed on her phone.
A week later, the day of the presentation came and I checked the presentation to see if Nancy did work on any of the slides I assigned her to do. Sure enough, no, nothing from Nancy in the slightest. I ended up doing the whole presentation by myself because Ms. Eevee told me that Nancy would just get an F on it. I ended up with a B and I thought that was it.
But oh no, ladies and gentlemen, there’s more. You see, I got Nancy’s number because I was texting her and making sure she was doing the assignment. Well, on Monday of the next week; I show up to school and no one says anything to me. I was confused until I came to English. Nancy’s Boyfriend, Carter (not his real name) came up to me before class started and he was mad. The exchange went like this:
Carter: Hey!
Me: (Not paying attention)
Carter: (Now closer to me) Hey! OP! I was talking to you!
Now this kid was on the football team so I wasn’t tryna mess with him
Me: Uh, Yes?
Carter: Why’d you send those pictures to my girl?!
Me: (Confused) Huh? What pictures
Carter: DON’T PLAY DUMB WITH ME! YOU SENT SCANDALOUS PICTURES TO MY GIRLFRIEND!
Everyone turned to look and some kids had stood up and came over to watch. This kid continued to yell about how dare I send those kinds of pictures to her and so on.
Eventually after he stopped I told him that I didn’t know who he was talking about and he said that I sent pictures of myself without clothes to Nancy, which was just not true. I told him that I didn’t and offered to show him that I didn’t send those pictures but he just said that “I deleted it” and was mad because “I was texting with her.” I told him it was because we were partners. (Carter wasn’t even in this class btw) I said to him that we had this presentation to do as partners and that I was texting her because she was refusing to do the work so she but she did nothing so she failed.
Then it finally hit me. She lied! She lied to everyone that I sent her scandalous pictures! She lied because I didn’t put her name on the presentation that she didn’t do btw. Long story short, Carter began beating me up and we got sent to the principal. Nancy came down too, to tell the principal about the scandalous pictures I supposedly “sent her” but couldn’t prove I actually sent them and Carter was suspended for 5 days meanwhile I got away with a bruised face and that girl’s reputation was lost.
But I don’t think I was the jerk for failing the popular girl and ruining her rep after disproving her claims I sent her “scandalous photos” right?

I know. Don't play the scratch and wins unless you're biggest financial problem in the mid to short term is being able to sit down without sounding like a salvation army santa clause getting vertical love with a leprechaun on a kitchen counter. Ok great. I buy the $5 ticket. I know like 95% I've thrown the money away and it's covering some part of a public servants salary by a rounded fraction that they don't bother even counting as a single recorded sale when they close and check their monthly p and l statements. I get up in the morning and I scratch the bastard. First game loose. I know other two games probably a loss. Nope 2nd game is $1000. Max retailer payout is $200. I don't have a mailing address to receive my winnings after I mail it to the lottery. Do I find a person to help me? That's not safe. I don't have any way to ensure my personal safety once I'm advertising I got something so valuable on me and also that I'll probably have a substantial amount of money on me if I can redeem it even at a loss of it's value. It's a liability and a boon. I need that kinda money. The more people I ask to help redeem it the greater the chance I put myself at risk of bodily harm or injury from someone who's gonna take it from me because I'm a homeless person with no recourse. I could call the police. What can they do after the fact? Tell me not to have that kinda money on me? I just ripped it up and flushed it. I'm not wasting my money to win a prize that's really only redeemable by someone who's not homeless with no way to receive a prize without it involving a 3rd party and other people's eyes lighting up to get a cut and make it more trouble than it's worth.

Hello all, I have never been here before, but I don’t know where else I can ask. So basically, I am about to graduate from a trade school where I studied mechanics, to work on cars. Since I am nearing the end, I am looking to start working, but I keep getting turned away because of my driving record. I had an accident back when I first got my license (2019) and another before I started going to school (2022). The problem is that when my background check is run, they see the “points” on my record and I get denied by whatever garage keeper insurance they have. I didn’t know at the time that the accidents would hinder me so much as I never got a ticket. I have tried to request my record my self, but when I do it just lists the accidents and doesn’t have any mention of “points.” I talked to the dmv about it, and they say all they can tell me about my record is how to obtain a copy of it, and that they can’t tell me about any points. I talked to my own insurance, and they tell me the same thing, they aren’t allowed to talk to me about it. My insurance can “see” my points however, and tell me it will take 7-9 years for them to fall off. I honestly don’t know how many points I have, it’s anywhere from two to three. Is there any action I can take to clean my record up? I have went to school about cars now and have had voluntary experience in a shop now. I never got any tickets, so I don’t think I can go to traffic school for them? In my research, I find articles online talking about taking a defensive driving course? One of the instructors at my school was telling me I could try to go to a judge and talk to them about it? My drivers license is in California. Both accidents were my fault, and I didn’t get a ticket either time. I’ll admit I made mistakes back then, but I feel like I have been improving since then, especially since going to school now. I can’t afford to be out of work any longer, but I just can’t do anything with my record how it is. I’m ready to do anything at this point to be able to get a job. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!

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IATA ???? Claire and I have been best friends for almost 7 years. we met in college while both being premed. I was able to get into medical school on my first try while she tried over 3 times without success and works in insurance now. She got engaged to her boyfriend as she was trying to apply to medical school for a 4th time. By then I was ending my second year of medical school and about to start my third year of medical school. Unfortunately, also during this time my then serious live in boyfriend(who was also a medical student) of 2 years died unexpectedly in an accident. I was devastated.
Claire was very supportive at first, but very quickly started to pull away from me and only wanted to talk to me about her wedding. She was always busy when I tried to make plans and was away during my Birthday, and even told me she could not be around me while I was grieving because she needed to keep her life going and plan a wedding and I was making her too sad. She spent this entire year preparing her wedding, I was one of the bridesmaids, and she multiple times showed concern that I was not as involved in the wedding preparations or responding to emails as quickly as she would have liked. One time while drunk during her bachelorette she called me a bitch for not responding to emails quickly, later denying she had any recollection of calling me that. I didn’t mean to not respond quickly It was a combinations of multiple things. Her sister was made of honor and I had a pretty busy 80 hrs per week schedule and could not answer 20 emails per week about approving the menu for the bachelorette dinner or if I preferred shorts versus pants Pijamas, or to choose what colors I wanted to wear. Looking back at it now it would have taken only a few seconds to respond but at the time I was so overwhelmed with school, studying for boards and my own personal grieving that responding to an email about choosing between lilac and violet for the bridesmaids dresses felt like a huge task. I made this clear to her and told her look I can’t be as involved in the planning but I would be happy to go along with anything you want or your sister chooses. Despite all of this I helped her picked her dress and went to multiple appointments with her and also Attended and paid my way to Her bachelorette. Even though I was a broke medical student. All the bridesmaids had a plus one for the wedding. I was planning on bringing my sister but she had a last minute work commitment she couldn’t get out off. Claire told me she preferred if I didn’t bring anyone she knew but didn’t invite to her wedding, but I explained to her that I was actually scared of going to her wedding alone, and at this point we had a lot of mutual friends so my options were limited. And she mostly invited other couples so most of our single friends/acquaintances were off limits. I was still grieving and I was afraid I would burst into tears. I made it clear that I was happy for her wedding but it was also very triggering since we both had started dating our respective partners at the same time and moved in together at the same etc, and while she was getting engaged I had to grieve the death of mine. She accused me of being jealous of her. I tried to explain to her it wasn’t jealousy but grief because attending a wedding was very triggering for me. She gave me the option of not attending her wedding if it was that hard. I told her that I felt I could attend if I could bring a plus one for support. Since she did not want me to bring someone she knew but didn’t invited to the wedding, I brought a very old childhood friend of mine that I had become closer with during the last year. He had reached out when he heard the news of my boyfriend passing away and for the last year had been checking on me regularly. We had always been good friends and he had gotten divorce during the same time so we started to talk often and support each other. He offered to fly in and be my plus one if I didn’t have anyone to come with (he lived across the country at that time) Claire made it clear that she was also not not happy with me having a plus one that she didn’t know and told me that I could bring him as long as I should be aware that I could not cater to my date since I had bridesmaid responsibilities that day. I assure her it would not be a problem.
I missed the rehearsal dinner the prior night because I had a medical school test that afternoon and then had to drive 5 hours to the wedding site I told her about this in advance. Didn’t make it until midnight. I woke up bright and early and went to the bridal suite. Had breakfast and hung out with the other bridesmaids for a bit. I then went back to my room to get ready and shower and this took maybe a couple of hours. When I arrive to the bridal suite she was getting her make up done and was clearly upset, she spent the entire rest of the evening upset and giving me the cold shoulder. I thought it was just nerves. The wedding ended and I headed back home and I texted her to thank her for everything etc. And also to apologize for not being as involved with the planning as I would have liked. She responded by accusing me of being jealous of her for getting married and purposely trying to sabotage her wedding. She accused me of making up a fake medical school exam and arriving to her wedding early but refusing to attend the rehearsal dinner, she also accused me of taking too long to get ready purposefully to avoid her and hanging out with my date way too much instead of the bridal party. She then Told me I used her wedding as an excuse to have a fling instead of focusing on her. And she then told me I had a lot of personal work to do and I have fucked up priorities in life.I tried to explain to her than none of those things happened and I have no idea where is getting all those conclusions , to no avail. She is no longer talking to me and blocked me from all social media. Worth to notice I have tried to reach out and nothing. And I heard from a mutual friend she did not get into medical school again and her now husband prohibit her from trying a fifth time since it was a huge financial strain and he wants to focus on having a family. AITA for not being a more involved bridesmaid and bringing a plus one or is she being unreasonable? I had never had this happened before with a friend. One of my other really close medical school friends is getting married next month and I am also a bridesmaid and I have had none of these issues with her.

So I’ve been talking to this girl off and on for 3 months at college. we hung out and few times then we’d make plans and she would cancel or have something come up so I would see her at parties mostly and we’d talk most the party or talk for a minute and then she’d go with her friends but when I talked to her I would ask her why she cancels or is she even trying to talk to me truly and she would say she does want to talk and she would just say I’m playing games or that I’m talking to other girls and she doesn’t like that. But I try to tell her that I’m actually not talking to any other girls. I have a couple friends that are girls but I’m not talking to anybody else so the last party she kinda understood that and we talk for like an hour straight at the party and she hugged me before she left and then since then she’s been hugging me and touching me a lot everytime we hang out or she’ll rest her head on me for a second but then I talked to her before I left school to know where we stood and I asked her for her feelings and she said she doesn’t know and you can tell she was getting flustered or she just didn’t know how to explain her then she said she wants somebody to fit her life so i asked do you know want to be able to fit in your life and she said yeah so I asked do you want me in your future and she said yeah so I was ok well that tells me what I need so I left it at that. So I go home we talk here and there every other day or so, I asked to call her last week and we FaceTimed for a few hours and then I was talking to her sister to while we were on the phone just chilling and then she took a picture of me and her sister was making fun of her and then the girl I’m talking to was like “it was cute ”then the girl was telling her sister that I try to get her to talk about her feelings with me and then her sister was like “good luck with that cause she never knows what she want” which I kinda knew already. but then she was saying she’s tired and she said call me tomorrow when you get home from my workout so I was ok so I texted her when I got home and asked if she was awake cause I sent her a snap and she usually opens it in the morning but she didn’t and then I didn’t hear from her for like 2 hours after and she was like “yeah im awake I just have a headache so I’m laying in bed” so I was oh ok well I can you later if you want to get rid of your headache and she responded 2 hours later saying give me a sec cause I need to go help somebody with something so I was alright just call me later if you want if not like it’s cool so then she had some family stuff going on and she texted me about it. I was confused by how she was saying it like I didn’t know if she was trying to say she can’t call or she just wanted to talk about it. So I was ok like “I get it. You’re good handle what’s going on and if you need to talk I’ll be here or if you need space I can give it to you. You just let me know what you need” she left me on read so I was alright ima just step back from the situation so I didn’t talk to her for a couple days and she goes “wyd” like two nights later and I was nothing really right now but wyd” Nothing back from her So I’m like alright. I text her the next day cause I had a question for her sister and I didn’t want to just call her cause she goes to sleep early sometimes so I texted her like “are you awake still?” Nothing again. The next day I call her just to check in and then she let it ring for awhile and then declined which is fine cause she might be busy but then she don’t call back or text back so I’m like I know you seen it and there’s just no communication and in the mean time she hasn’t really been snapping on Snapchat but like she’s done that since like the last week I was at college. But then also I posted something on my Snapchat last night and then she slid up and was like and she was playful making fun of it cause it was a funny thing so I went back and was playfully making fun of her and then nothing again.

So I’ve been talking to this girl off and on for 3 months at college. we hung out and few times then we’d make plans and she would cancel or have something come up so I would see her at parties mostly and we’d talk most the party or talk for a minute and then she’d go with her friends but when I talked to her I would ask her why she cancels or is she even trying to talk to me truly and she would say she does want to talk and she would just say I’m playing games or that I’m talking to other girls and she doesn’t like that. But I try to tell her that I’m actually not talking to any other girls. I have a couple friends that are girls but I’m not talking to anybody else so the last party she kinda understood that and we talk for like an hour straight at the party and she hugged me before she left and then since then she’s been hugging me and touching me a lot everytime we hang out or she’ll rest her head on me for a second but then I talked to her before I left school to know where we stood and I asked her for her feelings and she said she doesn’t know and you can tell she was getting flustered or she just didn’t know how to explain her then she said she wants somebody to fit her life so i asked do you know want to be able to fit in your life and she said yeah so I asked do you want me in your future and she said yeah so I was ok well that tells me what I need so I left it at that. So I go home we talk here and there every other day or so, I asked to call her last week and we FaceTimed for a few hours and then I was talking to her sister to while we were on the phone just chilling and then she took a picture of me and her sister was making fun of her and then the girl I’m talking to was like “it was cute ”then the girl was telling her sister that I try to get her to talk about her feelings with me and then her sister was like “good luck with that cause she never knows what she want” which I kinda knew already. but then she was saying she’s tired and she said call me tomorrow when you get home from my workout so I was ok so I texted her when I got home and asked if she was awake cause I sent her a snap and she usually opens it in the morning but she didn’t and then I didn’t hear from her for like 2 hours after and she was like “yeah im awake I just have a headache so I’m laying in bed” so I was oh ok well I can you later if you want to get rid of your headache and she responded 2 hours later saying give me a sec cause I need to go help somebody with something so I was alright just call me later if you want if not like it’s cool so then she had some family stuff going on and she texted me about it. I was confused by how she was saying it like I didn’t know if she was trying to say she can’t call or she just wanted to talk about it. So I was ok like “I get it. You’re good handle what’s going on and if you need to talk I’ll be here or if you need space I can give it to you. You just let me know what you need” she left me on read so I was alright ima just step back from the situation so I didn’t talk to her for a couple days and she goes “wyd” like two nights later and I was nothing really right now but wyd” Nothing back from her So I’m like alright. I text her the next day cause I had a question for her sister and I didn’t want to just call her cause she goes to sleep early sometimes so I texted her like “are you awake still?” Nothing again. The next day I call her just to check in and then she let it ring for awhile and then declined which is fine cause she might be busy but then she don’t call back or text back so I’m like I know you seen it and there’s just no communication and in the mean time she hasn’t really been snapping on Snapchat but like she’s done that since like the last week I was at college. But then also I posted something on my Snapchat last night and then she slid up and was like and she was playful making fun of it cause it was a funny thing so I went back and was playfully making fun of her and then nothing again.

This week’s vintage batch features black hard rubber pens from three of the Big Four American Makers of the 1910s-20s. Nibs range from Flex to Wet Noodle. As always, all are fully restored and ready to write.
 
ALBUM & TIMESTAMP
 
Pastable link: https://imgur.com/a/R5fpCKe
 
Condition (n.b.): All pens listed below have been disassembled, cleaned and restored with new sacs installed in the last couple weeks. Each of these pens is guaranteed to fill and write as designed without leaks or other problems. Nibs have been adjusted when necessary to ensure that all lay down a smooth and consistent line.
THESE PENS HAVE NO CRACKS, CHIPS, PERSONALIZATIONS, LOOSE OR MISSING PARTS, BENT NIBS, MISALIGNED TINES, BROKEN/WORN OFF TIPPING, OR THREADING ISSUES.
 
Line Widths and Writing Samples: To provide buyers with as much information as possible, I have started to adopt the following line width standards: XXF (.1-.2mm); XF (approx .3mm); F (approx .4mm); M (approx .6mm); B (approx .8mm). Nib flexibility is determined by variation (max line width under pressure) and softness (amount of pressure). Flexibility designations based on variation generally run as follows for an XF/F nib: Semi-Flex (approx. 1mm); Flex (1.2-1.9mm); Superflex (>2mm). All line width measurements are taken with a digital caliper but should be considered approximations providing a general guide. Width may vary slightly depending on type of ink and paper used as well as amount of pressure applied. All writing samples are on Rhodia dot paper using Waterman Serenity Blue.
 
 
1. 1920s Waterman 92 1/2 (BCHR, GPT, lever filler, 14k XF Flex nib). This slender (1/2-sized) model is longer than a ring top but slightly shorter than a 52, measuring 4 3/4” capped and 6” posted. Not to be confused with the later, celluloid 92, this 92 1/2 is made of black chased hard rubber with gold-plated trim. It’s the first I’ve ever encountered. Cap came clipless from the factory (no holes drilled for a clip), but has been outfitted with a gold-plated accommodation clip. Based on its absence from US catalogues, I believe this model was made strictly for foreign export. The barrel has a Canadian imprint while the nib reads “Ideal / England,” it being a common practice for Waterman’s Canadian pens to be finished in England. That 14k nib is a Flexible writer (note change from writing sample after taking measurement. It lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 3B+ (approx 1.8mm) under moderate pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it a great choice for shaded writing. Condition: fine [C]. This pen has no functional flaws but does show some use. Hard rubber is an even dark chocolate color – still much darker than the brown these can turn. Chasing is significantly yet evenly weakened across the cap and barrel. Hard rubber surface is smooth with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Gold-plating on the lever has a sliver of brassing in the center and parts of the clip look tarnished, though I’m not sure this amounts to full-fledged brassing. Manufacturer imprint on barrel and number stamp on barrel end are weakened but fully legible. An affordable user and a lovely writer for those wondering at what all the fuss is about early Watermans. Price: $150
 
2. 1910s Waterman 12 Eyedropper (BCHR, German Silver clip, eyedropper filler, 14k F Superflex nib). This full-sized model measures 5 1/8” capped. This slip-cap eyedropper is made of black chased hard rubber with a rivet clip marked “German Silver” – less common than the standard nickel clips. This pen is an eyedropper. The section unscrews for the barrel to filled using an eyedroppepipette – holds far more ink than a lever filler of the same size. My usual caveats about early eyedroppers apply here. If carried, it is not uncommon to find a little ink on the nib or in the cap. Super-Flexible 14k Ideal NY #2 nib lays down a smooth and consistent F line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.5mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Easy variation and reliably wet flow over its full range of flex make it a great choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent- [B-]. Hard rubber of the cap is dark black with virtually no fading but center of barrel shows fading to dark chocolate under certain lights. Chasing on cap is sharp and deep but barrel chasing is very light and only visible when the light strikes it. German Silver clip is pristine with no brassing or other notable wear. Hard rubber surface is smooth with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is weak but mostly legible while number stamp on barrel-end is all but worn away. Price: $190 [ON HOLD]
 
3. c.1918 Waterman 52 (BCHR, NPT w/ Sterling Silver clip, lever filler, 14k XXF Needlepoint Superflex nib). This full-sized model measures 5 5/16” capped. A nice example of Waterman’s celebrated workhorse made of black chased hard rubber with a sterling silver Ideal accommodation clip with “Waterman’s / Made in France” stamped on one side and a hallmark that reads “GP” on the other side (DETAIL PHOTO). This pen came clipless from the factory (no holes drilled for a rivet clip). Super-Flexible 14k Ideal NY #2 nib has a needlepoint width and superb snap-back that gives it a surgically precise feel when writing. It lays down a smooth and consistent XXF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.2mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Insanely responsive snap-back, needlepoint hairlines, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another excellent choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent [B]. Hard rubber retains its dark black color with virtually no fading. Chasing is weakened a bit yet readily visible over the cap and barrel. Hard rubber surface is smooth with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is quite weak and only partly legible while number stamp on barrel-end is deep and fully legible. Price: $260 SOLD
 
4. c.1918 Waterman 52 in Box (BCHR, NPT, lever filler, 14k M/B Superflex Factory Stub nib). This full-sized model measures 5 5/16” capped. This pen comes in its original factory box with 5-page pamphlet including care and filling instructions as well as other offerings from Waterman (BOX PHOTO). It’s a clean 52 made of black chased hard rubber with nickel-plated trim including earlier, wide rivet clip. 14k Ideal #2 nib is a Super-Flexible Factory Stub that manages to deliver sharp unflexed variation without compromising smoothness. Under normal pressure it lays down a smooth and consistent M/B line (approx .7mm) on the down-strokes and XF line on the cross-strokes. And the line widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.0mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE – note change in flex grade after measuring). A versatile nib whose responsive snap-back, easy variation, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it well suited to shaded notes under normal pressure and calligraphic writing styles under flex, the Stub grind keeping one’s letterforms neat and straight. Condition: excellent+ [B+]. This pen and the one below came from an estate of someone who seems to have purchased these pens, wrote with them a few times, then stowed them away in their boxes. This one is definitely collector-grade, having seen very little use. Hard rubber retains its dark black color with no discernible fading. Chasing is evenly sharp and crisp. Hard rubber surface is smooth with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Manufacturer imprint on barrel and number stamp on barrel-end are deep and fully legible. Box is in sound condition with no torn ends but original owner managed somehow to burn a couple small holes in the paperwork. A boxed 52 with an uncommon nib in uncommonly clean condition. Price: $310 SOLD
 
5. c.1918 Waterman 55 in Box (BCHR, NPT, lever filler, 14k XF Flex/Superflex nib). This oversized model has a thick girth and measures 5 1/2” capped. This pen comes in its original factory box with 5-page pamphlet including care and filling instructions as well as other offerings from Waterman (BOX PHOTO). This pen is made of black chased hard rubber with nickel-plated trim including earlier, wide rivet clip. Commensurably oversized Ideal NY #5 nib yields Super-Flexible variation with Flexible softness. It lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.1mm) under moderate pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE – note change in flex grade after measuring). Condition: excellent+/near mint [B+]. This pen came from the same estate as the 52 above and also resembles an artifact of a time capsule. Hard rubber retains its factory black color with no discernible fading. Chasing is factory sharp and crisp. Hard rubber surface is smooth with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Manufacturer imprint on barrel and number stamp on barrel-end are deep and fully legible. Box is in sound condition with no torn ends but original owner managed somehow to burn some small holes in the paperwork for this one as well. These big fellas are getting tougher to find, especially in this condition. Price: $440 SOLD
 
6. c.1921 Wahl Pen 72 (BCHR, NPT, lever filler, 14k XXF Superflex nib). This standard sized model measures 5 3/16” capped. Having purchased the assets of the Boston Fountain Pen Company, Wahl began manufacturing fountain pens in 1917. Wahl’s first pens were essentially rebranded Bostons and Tempoints (a NY company they acquired in 1918). The first full-fledged Wahls, dubbed simply “The Wahl Pen,” rolled off out of the factory in 1921. This 72 one of those pens. Its’s made of black chased hard rubber complemented by nickel-plated trim including Wahl’s patented roller-clip. The Wahl Pen is chiefly distinguished from earlier designs by its patented Wahl lever with apexed center. Super-Flexible 14k Wahl Pen #2 nib is a lovely writer. It lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.4mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Needlepoint hairlines, superbly responsive snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another great choice for calligraphic writing styles. Condition: excellent/near mint [B+]. Hard rubber retains its factory black color with virtually no fading/oxidation. Chasing is factory deep and crisp with no discernible wear. Surface is smooth and lustrous with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Nickel-plated trim is exceptionally clean with no brassing or other noteworthy blemishes apart from light scratching to the clip. Manufacturer imprint on barrel and number stamp on barrel-end are deep and fully legible. Price: $280
 
7. 1910s Parker Lucky Curve 20 (smooth BHR, eyedropper filler, 14k XF/F Superflex/Wet Noodle nib). This full-sized model measures 5 5/16” capped. Parker collectors know all too well how much harder it is to find early Parker eyedroppers compared to say, Waterman 12s. This simple, utilitarian Lucky Curve eyedropper from the early teens is made of smooth, black hard rubber. Slip cap came clipless from the factory (no holes drilled for a clip). Long Lucky Curve feed is intact. This pen is an eyedropper. The section unscrews for the barrel to filled using an eyedroppepipette – holds far more ink than a lever filler of the same size. My usual caveats about early eyedroppers apply here. If carried, it is not uncommon to find a little ink on the nib or in the cap. Early 14k Lucky Curve #2 nib with teardrop breather hole yields Super-Flexible variation with softness and flow verging on that of a Wet Noodle (comparable to a soft dip pen nib). It lays down a smooth and consistent XF/F line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.4mm) under very light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines with a light hand, strong snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another great choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent [B]. Black hard rubber retains its factory black color apart from minor fading to a deep, dark brown on the barrel visible under certain lights. Surface is smooth and lustrous with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes aside from a group of short scratches to the left of the imprint (see imprints photo). Nib shows a small scuff here and there and a scratch on one tine that has no effect on durability or performance. Manufacturer imprint on barrel and number stamp on barrel-end are deep and fully legible. A lovely writer and the first example of one of these I’ve ever offered. Price: $270 SOLD
 
8. c.1915 Parker 16 Overlay (gold-filled over BHR, button filler, 14k XF Wet Noodle nib). Measures 4 5/8" capped and 6” posted. While Waterman overlays of this period aren't particularly common, they're far more numerous than their Parker counterparts today. Parker overlays like this one were commissioned to the George W. Heath company in New York, who is credited for some of the finer overlays on early Watermans and Conklins as well. The gold-filled filigree over this black hard rubber ringtop features an exquisitely hand-engraved Art Nouveau pattern as well as an indicia on the barrel for engraving. The pattern is the earlier, more intricate design that's more sought after than the simpler Art Deco pattern of the later 1910s-20s. Barrel overlay is stamped "Parker Fountain Pen" along with patent dates from 1891 and 1905. Pen has an Xmas tree, Lucky Curve feed and knurled blindcap unscrews to reveal brass button for filling. To fill, one simply unscrews the blind cap, submerses the nib, and depresses the brass button once. The fine workmanship of this pen is complemented by an early 14k Lucky Curve #3 nib, a scarce “Lazy S” variant with long tines. The nib is a Wet Noodle with softness, variation, and flow comparable to that of a dip pen nib. It lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.5mm) under minimal pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Another nib with astonishingly responsive snap-back giving it a precision feel and you maximum control over the line. Together with its thin hairlines and reliable flow over its full range of flex, this makes for an ideal choice for calligraphic writing styles. Condition: excellent+ [B+]. Overlay shows no brassing, dents, or other notable flaws aside from some pin-sized dings confined to the knurled portion around the top of the cap. Hard rubber retains its dark black color with scarcely any fading. Knurling of blind cap isn’t quite as sharp as it once was and number stamp on barrel-end is faint but legible under bright light. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is deep and fully legible. Price: $380 SOLD
 
 
 
Shipping: Pens purchased on the weekend are mailed on Tuesday. Otherwise they are mailed within 2 business days of payment. All pens that do not come with their original boxes are packaged in PVC or thick plastic tubes to protect them in transit. To CONUS locations the following shipping options are available:

• USPS First-Class with tracking for $5 Due to the delivery delays that continue under postmaster general DeJoy, I strongly recommend that the Priority shipping option be chosen. All packages will include full insurance (covered by me). Rest assured that a full refund is guaranteed (issued through Paypal) in the event of a lost parcel and you will not have to wait until I receive a reimbursement from the USPS.
  
• USPS Priority with tracking for $9
  

International Customers: Please contact me for shipping quote if located abroad (delivery confirmation required). (Note: due to the issues stated above, my international shipping options are currently limited. PM for more info). Please do not ask me to commit mail fraud by altering the declared value of a pen for customs. Not only am I registered as a business but shipping insurance is based on declared value.
New York Customers: For tax purposes, I am now required to add an 8% sales tax on any sale made in the state of NY. If your shipping address is in NY state, please let me know before payment to receive an adjusted total. Discounted shipping is included for NY State residents to help defray the extra cost.
Ordering: Pens are placed on hold for the first person to reply to the thread and PM me with firm request to purchase (no chat DMs please). A request with the words “I'd like to purchase [pen number]” would be best to avoid confusion), to which I’ll reply with payment details. Please note that a message inquiring into a price discount does not suffice to place a pen on hold. If I haven't received Paypal payment within 24 hrs after a hold is placed, then pen(s) may become available to the next person.
Payment, & Guarantee: Payment by Paypal only. All pens are guaranteed to be in the condition in which I've described them. If I've missed something objectionable or the filling mechanism is not fully functional, the buyer may contact me up to 7 days after receiving the pen for a full refund (issued once I receive the pen back in the same condition as sold). Buyer must ship the return no later than 2 weeks after it was delivered to receive a refund. I've sold pens online for over a decade. Please check my past listings here as well as on the classifieds and historical sales forums on FPN (username: Estragon) and FPGeeks (popcod) for some of my previous offerings.
 
 
OTHER OPEN LISTINGS

• Vintage Montegrappa Extra Edacoto
  
• Waterman Nurse’s Sets
  
• Off-Catalogue Sheaffer Stubby Balance Lifetime
  
• Psychedelic Bayard Excselsior
  
• Waterman Taperite Citation
  
• Conklin Enduras, Nozac
  

I have a 6th grader who had a pretty disastrous transition to middle school. He has an IEP and it was very difficult getting it followed, and I have my doubts he'd be learning successfully if it was followed anyway. He's been doing an online K-12 school after school and on weekends and he is getting As in the same subjects he got Ds in for in-person school.
I've come around to the idea of pulling him out of our local middle school and registering him for the district's virtual school. My husband isn't worried about the lack of socialization because our son hasn't formed any friendships as it is. He thinks there's value in him having crappy teachers where he won't learn unless he self-advocates. I don't know how to address such an argument.
My son had a teacher who had several breakdowns and told the kids she didn't care whether they did their work or what they did, which resulted in some kids leaving the class to wander the halls and utter chaos in the classroom for the kids who stayed behind. Each time she took a personal day after to regroup, but ultimately announced to the class that she wouldn't be returning to the school next year and she kind of checked out at that point.
I don't see how our son was supposed to self-advocate to make the best of that situation. We have other kids and I'm not saying they all need an alternative educational approach. Just this one. I think that should mean something.

Sorry if this is kind of rambling. I woke up this morning feeling particularly unable to maintain a good train of thought (unless it's writing an essay I have due soon) and feeling unable to artticulate as I normally do. I also am strugggling to remember what I had to do this weekend, moreso than usual. I feel like my brain got scrubbed. And along with what parts of memory were taken, so was half of my ability to even care. Like- in the way that, idf there is no afterlife, then death is ceasing to be and you won't care about dying then because, well, you cease to be. I feel like that. I feel like I'm dying and honestly I half way don't care anymore. All I want is to sleep, but even sleeping has dreams and dreams are just more mental work. I jsut want everything to stop.
I am an undergrad senior, college. Double majoring + a minor + a club president + conducting a long-term on-going research project outside of all of my other obligations. I graduate soon, have to plan out like half of the logistics (my dad has brain damage from alcoholism and gets messed up with some meds, so he can't really plan his logistics well). I am also hoping to move soon and am in charge of setting up all that + finding the new person to take my spot when the lease renews (and make sure my roommates have someone when I leave). It doesn't help that in addition to all of this, I recently dealt with a really weird and stressful falling out with a friend (previously fwb) who's mental health quickly and severely deteriorated (involved social harrasseement and threats)- and that this event was very recollective of a traumatic long-term situation that my family went through when I was a kid (stalking, mental illness, threats to life).
I have always had kind of shitty memory. Not in terms of retaining knowlege but in terms of remembering social interactions and day to day matters. I can usually keep an ok track of deadlines, but since school became extremely busy I have been using an excel sheet to keep track of my calendar. But even this isn't a fool proof method. Half the time now, I can't even remember to add something to it.
My memory is just constantly declining though. Has been more and more as school goes on. I feel so bad because it's starting to affect people I care about. I relatively consistently double schedule things and I see the hurt on some of their faces. I hate it so much. I also am very nearly slipping on deadlines, like club renewal and assignments. I'm not sure, but somehow I never let go of those. I also feel less like myself. I feel like I loose the ability to retain things period.
I used to think, as my grandma had sometimes told me, that this issue with memory was because I didn't care and wasn't applying myself. I have found that's not the issue. I forget things like major deadlines to things like my own undergrad research project's IRB submission, delaying its approval and nearly derailing progress entirely. I felt like I was nearly dying when I realized this. I met with my mentor, made notes to myself, double checked "here's the takeaways, here's what I do", walked out, sat down, and boom memory gone for the next week. I think I might have ADHD or something. This happens so often and I feel I have so little control over what I retain and not sometimes.
I'm sure this is also partly stress induced memory issues. I have headaches very often now. It's gone down recently, but I was having them nearly daily for like 3 months.
Aside from the gnawing hollow aching desire to rip out my own insides and die in a passionate expression of sheer stress and the desperation to be free, I also find myself constantly daydreaming about getting a really good scalp massage. I have a whole playlist on tiktok of asmr scalp massage videos. I think, maybe moreso than graduating, my dream is to get a hella good scalp massage. But, no one near me provides this service (at least not that I have found atm). I have a scalp whisk lookin thing- it's nice, but just feels like it falls short.
I feel like I'm goping insane. I also feel like there is so little escape. I usually ahve a pretty good idea of what to expect 1 to 3 months out. There is so little opportunity for a braek. I am so tired.
I woke up feeling unable to think well at all. I remembered to mention an email to my roommates regarding money owed to my apartments this morning. It's 5 days old. I tried to ask my roommate... something... - to help take over some of the communication. I can't manage as much of the communication matters with how things are right now. I tried to ask but I wasn't sure how to even ask. My roommate has done some communication, but it's all in person and idk wtf they talk about and not. I think they aren;t the best at always explainging everything + I don't like, keep track of that. I don't check in on everything they do, though I will ask when I remember how to. I am not great with verbal wordage. I'm mostly visual. I can type well but rn I just don't know how to phrase asking that. All I know how to say is: "I don;t kjnow how to talk right now". I fucking hate this, I dont even knwo how to talk right now. I feel like I'm going to putrify under my own skin. My breath reeks of stress as I am slowly rotting from the inside.

-and obviously it was stupid to think that any of my old friends would still be there. Could I even call them that? I haven’t been back here in maybe ten years and my ‘friends’ were the staff at a bar I worked at for two months, transient work by its very nature. Especially in Rome. There’s a street preacher and I think he’s saying “KINGS, BOOK ONE! CHAPTER 19!” and maybe he is because he has 1 Kings 19 (11-13) written on a sign next to him.
I remember Malfi… Marfi? Was a student anyway. Studying history at masters level. I can clearly see the seal of her university in my head clearly but I can't remember the university. I think about maybe pulling out my phone and googling it but it’ll take too long and I don’t want to waste the battery or not be looking at my surroundings for too long.
Hey- hey friend how are you? What are you doing here?
Oh god. If I keep my head down maybe he won’t bother me but suddenly there’s a wall of flesh draped in a cheap blue t-shirt semi-blocking my path.
I’m busy, sorry. I push past him and he yells out.
HEY! You got a problem with black people?
Loud enough for others to turn around.
What the hell is his problem? The insolence of it! The actual insolence! I smiled as I said I’m busy for fucks’ sake. I have a disgust response from the way he speaks as it plays back in my head. You ghat a problehm with blaq people? Flat vowels from the Global South. I could smell whatever ersatz cologne he’d doused himself in. Big, dumb bicycle chain wrapped around his neck. I could barely make out this heckler’s face, he was so overweight he was drowned in fat, and he threw his arms up in the air so his bony elbows came out at weird, jutting angles.
My mood is completely ruined so I turned right, catching the sun, cutting off a man walking a Chow dog who I presume follows after me.
My sunglasses are in my pocket and for whatever reason I lose the will to actually pull them out so I’m walking blind into glare. Was everyone still looking at me? The sun is beating down and on top of that the wind is blowing directly into my face. I can’t see anything and I feel prickly heat around my flanks. Maybe a tweed jacket was the wrong choice, but I’m not going to take it off and drape it over my shoulder right now. I do not want to be perceived.
I start thinking about the street venders from ten years ago, how friendly they all were. That’s not a thing anymore, I guess. I force all that from my mind and as I’m walking I involuntarily start thinking back to when I was little.
I was six, maybe seven, and my mother was in the hospital so I was being looked after by my father. It took him maybe three days to stop bothering to make sure I had a bath or brushed my teeth. Maybe a week before he stopped doing laundry. About three weeks in he was forced to start taking me to school again; somebody had mentioned something to my grandmother who came round to shout at him. He reckoned I could learn everything I needed from watching television.
The other kids were not a fan of my new look, and the bullying was horrible. Already a lonely child, I was further isolated from my peers by my appearance and odour. I had an initial grace period, I’m sure Miss. Euston had prepped everyone that my mother was sick and everyone was to be very nice to me.
The great mass of my appearance, greasy and smelly, eventually pulled through the gravity of Miss. Euston’s authority, and finally I slipped through her graces and into the bottomless pit of cruelty only children are capable of.
One night when the rest of the class was dismissed she kept me back to talk to me.
“How are you, John?”
Fine.
“I hear your mummy will be back soon? Isn’t that great?”
Yes.
“Maybe you should tell your dad to give you a bath before she gets home, yes?”
Yes.
“Is your dad coming to pick you up today?”
I don’t know.
She smiled at me put her hand to my face. It was warm and soft and I could feel the sea-salt sweat from her palms. It was comforting. Maybe that’s why I’m a cuddler now. She gave me a chocolate bar from her treat tin and let me go. My dad did actually pick me up that day. He asked me where I got the chocolate bar from and I said Miss. Euston gave it to me. I never ate it, at some point it must have been thrown away.
I realized Miss. Euston was, probably, barely a few years older than I was now. I wonder what she was up to. At some point the buildings covered the sun and I checked my watch. Two more hours to go.
I see a free table on a raised mount and decide to sit there. I look up at the statues looking down at me and a waiter comes over and says I have to order if I want to stay there. This annoys me so I bark at him that I need a menu if I want to order anything. He leaves and the clouds open again, probably by the wind, and it beats down on me again. Feeling more grounded I take off my jacket and drape it over my chair and take the cigarettes from the inside pocket. I looked at my phone and re-read the invitation email.
To – me, please be here at whenever o’clock to talk to our international undergrads on international project management.
Regards, some professor I didn’t like as an undergrad.
It was certainly an honor to be asked, but no doubt was being used to drum up engagement for some useless course they were peddling. How exactly does International Relations parse into International Project Management? You learn everything you need to know doing the damn job. I had emailed myself my famous slide deck, the one that was thrown around in secret by senior bureaucrats who were sick of being bureaucrats and wanted to actually do something. The one that Managers said could never be released, but had obviously plagiarized in snippets when they thought appearing to be daring would be beneficial to their careers.
A brunette waitress comes over with the menu, she looks young. Maybe 18. Over a decade younger than me.
If you don’t mind getting up, she said in a startling American, there’s a buffet as well.
I say thank you and look at her. Was she American? American-Italian? She looked British. Maybe Danish. I didn’t want to ask. She was pale, apart from her lips and cheeks which were the color of a rose.
Thank you, I say. Do I order drinks from you?
Of course, she said and took out a notepad and pen. The other wait staff used an iPad. I wondered where hers was and asked for a double espresso and a glass of orange juice.
Is that all?
Wait, how tall is the orange?
What?
I smile and her and mime a glass growing from very small to very tall. How tall is the glass? Is it a lot of orange juice?
She smiles and laughs and it’s very cute, I think she lost her composure because the laugh doesn’t match her voice.
I run my hand through my hair because I need something for my hands to do, and she says yeah. It’s tall. Pretty big. Are you going far after this?
I dunno. There’s some people trying to kill me. I smile again, obviously a joke.
She smiles back. You should have the buffet and I’ll bring you your drinks. I’ll leave the jar of orange juice but don’t tell anyone, OK?
OK, I say. Grazie.
Prego, she says and walks off.
I check how far the walk is and it’s maybe 40 minutes, too far in this weather. Will it rain? Will I literally burn to a crisp? I wish I had brought my laptop so I could have the slide deck up. I could ask the waitress what she thought.
She comes back with my coffee and a cold glass of orange juice, and a jug of water.
Sorry, she says, my manager told me to only pour the juice.
That’s fine, I think I’m only 40 minutes away. Like three miles.
You won’t be able to walk three miles in forty minutes, she says. You should eat quickly, then get up and go.
I dunno, I say, drawing out my response. I’m quite tall.
She laughs again and says she’ll bring my cheque now.
I get up and make a plate of pastry, the meat looks like it had been left out so I avoided it. I grabbed some things I don’t know the name of, and a slice of bread that was being warmed on a terracotta platter over some coals.
She walks away and when she comes back I want to ask for her number, but there’s a huge delivery truck slowly rolling through. My cup is shaking in its’ saucer and if it wasn’t already mostly drunk it’d run over. I try to make conversation but I don’t want to shout at her so just give her 30 euro and say keep the tip. She shouts back thanks. I get up and start walking.
The sun won out against the rain and it started to pound me again. The air was dry. I was walking fast and making good time, but I did not want to end up sweaty when I got there so I took off my jacket and carried it under my arm. I checked my phone again and I had a missed call and a voice mail. I couldn’t see the name in the glare.
I couldn’t stop to put earphones in, so I put my phone away.
I managed to make it to the campus with five minutes to spare. I hullo’d with the professors and asked for a glass of water. I drank it in one then went to the bathroom to piss, and check my hair. I was sweating but my jacket would cover it. My hair looked great. I clenched my jaw and looked at my face. Intense. Satisfied, I blew my nose and in my head went over the topics I’d cover. If I got lost I’d ask the students questions.
For some reason I thought back to Miss. Euston, looking after the poor scapegrace that was me. I remember once she told me God was in the wind.
I was waiting in the wings, hidden on a pre-stage before the main stage. Before I put my phone on silent, I thought I’d listen to the voice mail quickly. I briefly thought it "pre-stage" was even a word. I didn’t recognize the number. I pressed play and raised it to my ear.
There was a pause and then, cutting through the roar of the wind once present but no longer, came a voice.
“Hi, John, I hope you’re well and I’m just calli-“
The voicemail stopped. Someday, I hope, Apple will figure out how to actually let me hear my voicemail without constantly having to un-pause it. I hit play and put my phone back to my ear but I knew who it is before she said her name. “I’m just calling to say hey. It’s me, Joanne.”
It was a whisper being carried over time and continents. A whisper from a girl that might as well be dead. Why me, Joanne. Why me.
I covered my face with my hands. I realized I was doing it in shame and suddenly Miss. Euston’s voice came back to me again. “God is in the wind.”
I pulled the skin on my face down, pressed hard, and walked out onto the next stage, tucking my phone away in my-

Ok, soooo like a duh moment here maybe. So, I've bought like everything in the online store for Avatar: FP since it first came out over the past few months till the past week or two just before I finished and I'm now starting my second playthrough. I've gotten to the Resistance base and the Aranahe hometree, destorying all the floating signal platform things for the Kinglor moth queen was the last mission completed at this point. For some reason not all of the Ikran skins I've bought or some of the armor isn't in my satchel/mail section in my bag. I go to the store and it says with a green check mark that I own it. Am I not doing something here to activate all of it or are some of the purchased item pieces/skins released as part of the storyline or is my game glitching out???
So confused....lol. 😆😅

I'm sorry for ranting, but I'm in year 13 and on study leave. My psychology teacher has been ignoring the emails I've been sending her since April, and I have my paper 4 in 2 days. My friends have sent her emails and she's replied to them within the same day. In fact today, one of my friends emailed her, and she replied an hour later but didn't respond to my question? or any of the ones I've been sending for the past month. I can't go into school without making an appointment with a teacher, but like I said, she won't respond to my emails (I've checked that this is her correct email address). I can't quite figure out what I've done to her. I am a good student, have good grades in her class, and have always been nothing but polite to her. She's also, unfortunately, the only A-level Psychology teacher at my school, so there's no one else to ask. And before people say that she's busy, she only teaches year 12s and 13s, and the year 12s have already done their exams. There are only 12 students taking psychology in my year group, and if she's been replying to my classmates emails, she clearly has time and is deliberately ignoring me. I'm struggling and actually need help with the content and style of exam questions since this year there's a new spec. I always thought we had a good relationship, but this is so odd. regardless, isn't it her job to help students? i dont know what the fuck her problem is and what I should do???

I just moved here from San Diego for school and i’m wondering where one finds a golf course that has a driving range (that’s not restricted to short irons, didn’t know that was a thing) and a real practice putting green?
I get that I was spoiled being right next to Torrey Pines but having a regular driving range and a real practice putting green (not just four flagsticks on turf) wasn’t reserved for the most elite country clubs. I would walk 18 for under $20 at a Naval (off base) course in San Diego and it obviously had those basic ammenities (same for my home course in Northern California.) I’ve called and gone to about 8 courses in or around Columbus and haven’t found one that has both.
I am a veteran and a student at OSU (don’t have my veterans ID yet and not starting school until the fall so can’t get a membership for the OSU course until then.) Hoping for some suggestions on where the locals usually go, would ideally like to not have to sign up for a $3000 country club membership somewhere. Thanks!
Edit: I can go without the cups on the practice putting greens but being able to hit driver before a round would be a non negotiable (also just for days I want to use the range.)
Edit: Blacklick seems like a no brainer for me as I live in the Downtown area. Will still check out every course recommended as they all look really solid. Thanks a lot!

She’s showing off a scrub daddy kit.
Cash is yelling in the background. Now he’s on screen with her in a “clean” but stained shirt.
The tv is blaring in the background.
Cash is off screen and back to yelling in the background.
I guess he walked up to her. She asked him what he wanted and then she immediately offered him pancakes.
Cash just screamed ow. She didn’t even pause the live to check on him just yelled “what happened did you step on a letter”
Said they’re gonna go to the trampoline park at 5. Does anyone have a copy of the schedule she posted? I don’t think 5:00 on a school night is time to go to the trampoline park.
She asked for prayers for Colt because he has a test coming up but then didn’t explain about the test.
Now HG is yelling for her and she didn’t even acknowledge him.
I guess Colt’s test is something about math. I genuinely hope he does well and is gaining something from going to school despite constantly missing days and probably being exhausted when he is there cause Judy never lets him sleep.
Colt might get into ABA therapy because of something his school initiated the paperwork. Again, I hope it works out for him and whatever happens with custody she doesn’t pull him out and try to homeschool him.
Someone just asked about established meal times 😂. Who was it. Now she’s saying Cash fell asleep late and slept late so he woke up late so meal time had to be moved back. I have a toddler who thinks sleep is a fun option. You know what I do when she falls asleep late? I still wake her up around the same time everyday so that way those late nights are an exception not the norm.
Saying Colt is aggressive and she knows she’s gonna catch shit for saying that. No shit Joanne. She’s saying Colt got aggressive with Cash yesterday.
The background sounds so chaotic. It’s overstimulating me and I’m in a dark room with no extra noise letting my daughter nap.
She said this is gonna be a commercial live. Whatever that means.
Said she has no motivation today. But said when she’s more motivated chit chatting with “us”. As someone with ADHD I get that. But podcasts and audiobooks help me stay on task. Body doubling videos were suggested because they do work. She said she uses them but idk when she would. She’s always on live “cleaning.”
She just told Cash to say “buy a scrub daddy”.
ZM is in her live talking with her like everything is okay.
She’s back to shilling the scrub daddy kits. She said she uses them everyday.
Said Colt has anxiety about going to the barber that’s why they gave him one at home 🙄. And he likes the way his hair looks. Even the anxiety about going to the barber is true they could’ve at least used scissors and not fucking clippers to cut his hair ?
Just told cash to say “go buy this” again.
Said Colt says kids at school are mean but he says she’s mean when he doesn’t get his way. Way to invalidate your kid telling you he’s getting bullied Joanne.
Said she has to talk about the kit every 45 seconds or she’ll get a violation and she’s already had two because she wasn’t showing it.
Saying she’s tired but needs to clean with her scrub daddy kit.
Cash is still hovering behind her. She told him again to say “go buy this.”
Someone I’m guessing Cash wants her phone. She offered him his iPad or the computer but letting any of the kids have her phone is a hard no today.
Okay sorry yall. I gotta wake my daughter up so she isn’t up all night

Just a warning, this is going to be very long! I (21F) and my brother (15M) were abandoned by our mother when I was 11 or 12.
For context, she was a teen mother, with a lot of mental health issues (bipolar, BPD, depression, i can only assume some form of sociopathic behavior), and she addicted to hard drugs. My father was a little rough around the edges, but overall a hardworking guy who went into the relationship with a "I can fix her" mentality. For the first few years of my life, I was oblivious to all of the issues going on in my family, I just enjoyed the first 5 years of my life as a happy child. My mother hid her drug addiction well enough for a 5 year old not to ask any questions, and I thought weekly screaming matches were normal and "mommies and daddies fight sometimes". Unbeknownst to me, my mother was cheating with dozens of people, and emotionally/financially/physically abusing my father, he put on a happy face to try and give me a good childhood. He worked 5am- 5pm at a bagel store (no car, only a bike) and never came home empty handed; always a toy, or a piece of candy for me as "sorry" for always being gone and working all day. I thought my mother would always bring her "friends" (men and women) in the house while dad was at work, and they would spend hours "playing" in her room with the door locked. I pretty much had to raise and take care of myself from the time I woke up to around 6pm, so I ended up becoming pretty smart by entertaining myself with my mom's fantasy novels (Harry potter, princess of mars, lord of the rings, etc.) On days she had college classes, our landlords (amazing people) would babysit me. My mother did give me affection, and I loved her very much, but she was very hands-off.
Granted, I wasn't the easiest child to deal with, I had ADHD, undiagnosed autism, among some other things.
When she got pregnant with my brother, (also adhd+autism) I noticed things started to change. My parents would fight more often, the house smelled like smoke, and the electricity to the apartment would be out for weeks because we couldn't pay the bills. Shortly after my brother was born, my parents had the hugest fight I've ever seen, I don't even remember what it was about (probably cheating), but it was the first time it hit me that everything in my life wasn't as happy as I thoughts. I sat clutching my baby brother as she beat my dad with a chair and started screaming. He grabbed a knife and ran outside and tried to end his life by stabbing his wrist. I was screaming and crying my landlords name, hoping my baby sitter would come and save me, he bolted downstairs, pried the door open, and grabbed the two of us and took us into his top floor of the apartment. He gave me some chocolate milk while him and his wife called the police. That was the day my parents split up, and my mom was able to spin the whole thing on my dad, taking custody and he was granted only visitation rights. My mother was kicked out of the apartment, and my aunt (dads sister, but my mother had taken a liking to her and allowed us to see her often) had a feeling something fishy was going on when no one would tell her anything about the details of that night. She went to my old house and asked my landlords what happened, they told her, so she let us sleep over with her whenever we wanted as a safe haven from our mom. She didn't go to court with any of the information she got, out of fear that my mother wouldn't let her see us again, because she was now our only place of complete safety.
My life became a living hell from that point onward. A week a later, my mom told us that her "new boyfriend"(probably a guy she cheated on dad with but I was like 7 and didn't know better) was letting us move in with him. He was the most horrible piece of shit. He got my mother addicted to even more drugs, and they both constantly talked badly about my dad, and when I cried, covered my ears, and said I didn't want to hear it, he would hit me and tell me that I needed to know. He was basically unemployed, and would sometimes sell drugs, or take antiques out of abandoned houses to sell. I hated him. My mother made an entire personality shift, and would defend him even if he said horrible things to me or hit me. She saw no fault in him. She stopped reading me bedtime stories, and stopped telling me she loved me. The only time she was nice to me was when we were in front of other people like school functions... she would kiss up to all my teachers.
I was left to take care of my baby brother on my own, and my father was in and out of mental hospitals from the trauma, so everything he said about how horrible my mother was fell of deaf ears because he was labeled "crazy".
We had no money, it was all spent on drugs, I went out by myself several times to dig through dumpsters just to get food, and I stole baby formula from supermarkets. This one nice homeless lady knew my situation, and would walk me into the stores "as my grandma" so I wouldnt get stopped to ask why a child was all alone. She would poke around the store and buy a $1 candy bar, while I stole formula, and some cold cuts for her. She showed me all the best dumpsters, where delis would throw put perfectly good food at the end of the day. We had an alliance of sorts. I was less than 9 years old.
Her boyfriend became sexually abusive to me around that time. I'll spare the details.
My mother was starting to go off the rails completely. Doing anything for drug money. I clearly remember the time that she told me to get naked and she took pictures of me, up close in all my private areas "to send to the doctor" or else "I would have to go in person and they might give me a shot" (she knew I hated needles.). She never mentioned that event again, but I just know she sent them to some pedophile for money. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it. Her bf would try and hurt my brother, I would always step in and get beat instead. We saw our father and aunt maybe once a month, and I was threatened not to say anything to the school or my dad/aunt or else he would kill my mom. I said nothing. I told my aunt all the bruises were from bullies at school, my teachers were taking care of it... or that I was climbing trees, some excuse. I think she knew the truth, but was too scared of losing us to say anything. Everytime they went to drop us back off at our mom's, my brother would have a tantrum. He cried so much the blood vessels in his face would pop. He now at 15 has permanant, freckle like, spots of red on his face from crying so much so often.
She got pregnant again with his twin girls. She gave birth prematurely, and they came out very very sick. She gave birth at home... I was giving most of their care. After the "ohhhh new baby" feeling wore off for her, of course I was basically a mother of 3 at 10 years old. They didn't last long, less than a year. I was in complete despair and that was the first time i tried to end my life. I filled the bathtub and tried to drown myself by repeatedly hitting my head underwater in attempts to pass out under the water. It didn't work, and I was left with neck pain and a migraine that lasted 4 days. I attempted about 5 times, different methods, by this point I haven't been to school in a week. When I came back to school, the teachers noticed something was wrong. I kept looking off into space, detached. I would lash out and act aggressively when anyone would try and talk to me. I would have 2 hour "bathroom breaks" where I just stared at the wall inside the stall and acted rudely when anyone came to get me. What did they do? Not call CPS, of course, they sent me to a special school because of my "sudden behavior issues". I was in a class now with students I could not connect with in any way. I had no friends. All the other kids in my new class had severe learning disabilities and talking to my brother who was 6 years younger than me was more of a conversation. They couldn't read, most of them were almost non-verbal.
My mom broke up with her bf because he cheated, and we were going to lose the house. He still lived with us for a few days but stayed silent. My mother blamed me, saying that I ruined everything by being a bad child and now we were going to be homless. He tried to touch me one last time and I snapped and stabbed him deeply with a BBQ screwer, he just walked away. later that night he killed himself, I saw it. I'll never get that image out of my head.
I lost it, I had an outburst at school, crying and screaming that I wanted to kill myself and for God to just let me die. They sent me to a hospital, and the school called my mom to say I was having an outburst of psychosis. I spilled everything to the hospital about what her bf was doing to me (I couldnt bring myself to talk about my mothers abuses for some reason), and after a while, it was my dad who came to get me... apparently my mother had taken off, leaving my brother alone in the house after the school had called her. I had so many questions. But I was so happy to finally be able to live with my dad and his side of the family.
I was so traumatized, as well as neurodivergent, I acted strangely and dealt with some bullies at school but that was it, it was like heaven on earth. My father didn't even know the full scope of what went on, but the more I told him the more guilty he felt. He started spoiling us a bit out of guilt, so we were happy to be with a parent who loved us.
We never knew where she went. Until I was 18, and she reached out to me on social media. Initially I didn't want to answer. I left my DM sitting there for a few days but... I felt this unexplainable pull. I hated her all these years, but for some reason when the option to take her back into my life came up... something in me missed her. I kept thinking back to the few happy times, and the curiosity was killing me. I finally messaged back, my father told me not to, but he said he couldn't stop me, I at least deserved some answers, and to get all my pent up hatred out at her for some closure. We awkwardly chatted for a few minutes, she told me that her father in West Virginia picked her up, she started a new life, joined narcotics anonymous, but stayed low and didn't let herself be known. She met a genuinely good man at NA, who had convinced her to right her wrongs, quit drugs, and fix her family. They had 2 kids together (one with down syndrome), and she was a present, active mother. I felt a vicious jealousy. Why would she go and have 2 more kids when she had 2 that she abandoned? Why were they treated with love and a loving home when we went through hell...? Why didn't she make it up to us before she went and had more kids..?
My mind did weird things then. It made me need her approval. I kissed up to her, saying I forgave her. That I always knew everything was always her ex bfs fault and not hers.That we were sad when she left. I planned a trip to see her a month later and her new family, my friends all begged me it was a bad idea, to please please not go, and at least to not tell my brother about it. I listened to them, and didnt tell my brother any of this, I told him I was visiting a long distance friend.
I went, we had a pretty good time. Her kids were cute, and I absolutely adored her new lover. He was a good southern man, my gut told me that. He took me fishing, and let me talk through all my feelings. I finally had the relationship with her that I always craved. It felt sickening good, I was estatic. I didn't care about all of the weird signs, like the weird friends she had (looked like crack addicts), and how she managed to get a kind rich southern guy to take her in. I didn't even care. I was just happy to finally feel like I had her approval. I have a habit of bedwetting time to time from anxiety, I ended up having an accident and I was mortified. I cleaned it all up, but told her and, she said it was no big deal. She used to scream at me or hit me as a child for wetting the bed, and now she was reacting normally. It was like a new woman.
My trip was cut short by a week, she had to be rushed into hospital because her appedix was about to explode, she needed to recover and wouldnt be able to do anything fun with me for the remainder of the trip. I watchd her get taken by the ambulance, and was freaking out crying, I was so relieved when the surgery was a success. Her new man apologized profusely for all he stress and bought me a plane ticket back home to NY. He hugged me saying he would be so happy to see me again over the summer, and he had so much fun fishing with me. That he wanted to be a good step dad. He was a nice dude, just like my dad (a good guy she manipulated) I felt it in my gut. They both were at the airport, my mother in a wheelchair, and hugged me off. She said she loved me and to text her when I landed
I did, and got no response. Another day passed, nothing. I started to freak out and called her, only for it to go to voicemail. I messaged one of her friends sons who she Introduced me to. Asking if she was okay. He said he would get back to me once she responded to him, but them he too ghosted me. It was like she was never there. I called her partners work, and they said they would tell him to give me a call. Nothing. I was in despair. I assumed the worst, that she had died or something because of a surgery complication. I was so confused. I pushed it all out of my mind, wrote it off as a mystery even though it ate up at me. I always just justified it as a death, even though it made no sense. She was still following me on Facebook, but there wasn't activity for months when she was once super active. I deleted facebook a few months later because it just hurt.
It's been about 3 years since then. I needed to re-download facebook because my aunt wanted me to check something on matketplace... and I looked up her name just out of curiosity... shes been posting for over a year now. She's okay. She posts her kids, her fiance... she never once responded ro any of my messages yet. Not on text, not on Facebook messenger, no where.... I scrolled and scrolled, crying. I saw she got a new tattoo... a rose for each of her kids.... one for each of her two new kids, one for a miscarriage she had...two for our sisters who passed away... NONE for me or my brother. Like we don't even exist to her.
I don't know what to do. I want to know WHY. We finally had a good relationship, I finally forgave her. We finally could have been okay, saw each other a few times a year... she said she was happy to have me back in her life.... WHY? I'm so heartbroken and confused. I miss her. Was it because I wet the bed? I don't know. I know shes horrible, but I can't help but miss her so much it hurts. Should I continue trying to reach out, or just let her go..? How do I process thos? Any advice, or maybe a theory/explanation/comfort. Anything would help. I just need help. I don't know what to do...

Hi guys, I'm currently a student in the UK (equivalent of High school) and wondering whether I have ADHD or not. I got decent grades in my GCSEs (exams before HS) however always struggled to finish the exam papers on time (and have still never finished an exam on time) during exams (maths especially) i forget to flip signs and constantly feel the need to go back and check I've done it right (I'll end up still missing it). I generally feel poor at managing my time as 2hrs can pass like 30mins with a lot of the task left at hand. Out of exams and at home I struggle to do things as simple as studying, or sitting down to eat as for whatever reason i decide to get up and go on a walk around the house always stopping by a window to gaze outside for a good few minutes before realising i have food to eat, a chore to do, or something to study. I've lost a lot of the stuff I'm meant to keep for my lessons and entere enter rooms in the fear I've forgotten something (I'll prob still forget anyways).
I'm sending this because I'm really struggling studying for exams and I've had this issue for years, and timetables, planners and other organisation methods that teachers/parents have tried to give me never seem to help as i don't even last a couple days before breaking out of them.
Is this common? If so what can i do to mitigate it, if not what can I do to address it?
Thanks if any of u bothered to read all this.

My 10 yr old daughter has been watching porn since she was 7.. her computer flagged it and the school notified me and we had a detailed conversation.. then at 9 they ( both children 4 yrs apart ) got phones for Christmas. Big mistake. I set up apps to block and monitor but the lil sneak found a way around them. I usually check their devices when I'm off work and they're at school. That's when I discovered the disgusting search history. I did every discipline action you could think of.. I I limited internet..blocked sites. Blocked access to internet. Every chance this little perv has they look up something.. I'm ashamed and embarrassed how could I have let her become such a little perv... I don't want her to do alot of things she should be able to do because I'm afraid of what she might sneak and do.. now the only internet they have is the schools computer and they have a way better blocking system then I have.. the computer will shut down if something is looked up and the school is notified... the living room tv and an Alexa music thingy.. without the screen of course. Camp's and other activities that cause her to be away from me with minimal supervision have been canceled this summer... torture for both of us.. but it's better then her perv ass trying something when she thinks nobody is looking or a predator taking advantage of a horny little pervert .. I just feel like I'm waiting till 18 so I can gift her with first last and security. As far as activities I invested so much in her having hobbies a s skills and positive friends and I feel like it's all pointless.. uf she was older I would understand more but I'm just disgusted at this point.. I don't display ans swxual behavior in from t of her that is a big no for us.. the most we do is a kiss/ peck on the lips or cheek good bye.
This was more of a rant but seriously I feel trapped like I'm going to be the porn police for the next 8 years...I'm over this shit..

Hello, I'm new to Reddit and need some advice.
I am a college student moving into an apartment for the first time with my friend in DC. We have very different financial situations. I attend school on a full academic scholarship, which covers housing costs, while she receives substantial financial support from her well-off parents. I am very low income, and my check for housing doesn’t kick in until mid-September, so I have to pay for the first two months out of pocket. We discussed this when we decided to be roommates that she would take the masters and I would take the secondary bedroom, to help me cut costs. For more context on her living situation this past school year I lived in a dorm, and she lived in an apartment where she was paying 2,400 per month.
We are signing a 6-month lease, as we both plan on studying abroad in the spring (the lease is from August to January). We have found an apartment that fits our budget at $3,100 per month, which is the cheapest we could find and still be close to school. Other apartments we've toured had clear distinctions that the person with the master bedroom (my friend) should pay more due to private amenities like bathrooms or balconies. Which made how to split the rent easier to discus. However, this building doesn’t have those features; the only difference is that her room is slightly larger. My bedroom is 14 x 12, while her bedroom is 18 x 11.
She is very modest about money and even mentioned that having a larger room can be more challenging because it’s more space to manage. She is my friend, and I don’t want to take advantage just because she comes from a wealthy family. Should we split the $3,100 rent down the middle, or should she pay more for the larger room? If she should pay more, how should we determine a fair amount? Also how should I approach this conversation?