Taking over house payments

I don’t want to see my aunt. My dad is receiving end of life care at my parents house and can’t barely move at this point. My aunt got a ticket to come visit him three weeks ago. She just called my mom and said to get ready for her arrival. She didn’t ask for permission.
My mom’s just letting it slide because she’s my dad’s sister. Auntie traveled on a plane by herself against everyone’s wishes. She can barely walk anywhere unassisted. Mom did not tell my dad about her coming to visit because she didn’t want him to get upset at her. This made me angry because he just doesn’t want to make peace with her either.
So I told my mom not to expect me to come around throughout the week to help out, in advance, and that she can rely on my sister and cousin who don’t pay to live with her.
The reason I don’t want to see her is because of what she did after grandma passed. An uncle of mine would take care of grandma on his dime. He sold his house so that he can move in with his mom and take care of her. Somehow, when my grandmother passed away, we found out that the house was willed to my aunt as well as all of her money. My uncle got kicked out. My aunt was my grandmother‘s favorite daughter, and grandma would always give her money whenever, but she never took care of her. My uncle though, even if he would always go head to head with grandma, no matter what he made sure that she was always taken care of (such as feeding and bathing her) and paid all the bills.
My mom has called me multiple times pressuring me to come by the house to at least say hi to my aunt because she keeps asking about me. Eventually, I did go in the morning to get it over with, but no one came to the living room. I just left. My mom knew I was in the house, including my aunt who was upstairs in a guest room and now my mom wants me to come back again. I told her I tried to see her this morning to “keep the peace” but they were busy, now I want to see her even less.
Mom said something along the lines of trying to be polite, but honestly, I just can’t be nice to her. And from what I have heard my dad is incredibly upset right now.

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Spying on a college student wasn’t exactly riveting, mostly because it was so easy! Connecting to Tav’s computer had been a breeze, and taking over the microphone on her phone wasn’t exactly hard either. Blanco had a good look at the girl’s files, checking her old writings with little to no interest, and then reading through the notes she was taking on a ‘Translation effort’ with legitimate curiosity.

The creature was sitting in the air, slowly sliding from one side of his room to the other, lit only by the lights of the many screens on its walls… all while the grin on his face was only growing wider and wider with each new discovery. So a language, hmm? Wasn’t that the thing that G and Eighty Two had been rambling about for years now? Ohhh, he couldn’t wait to tell them… or, at least, tell G about it.

He had been paid quite the hefty sum to not tell 82 a thing of what they discovered, at least for now… the fight between those two had always struck Blanco as arbitrary and stupid, but alas! It wasn’t his business, really! In fact, that fight had brought much more business to him than anything!

The phone suddenly rings. Speak of the devil! A quick check on the caller ID showed Eighty Two’s private line.

With a broken glass grin covering his otherwise smooth face, Blanco took the phone.

“Bianccio Pizzería! Thickest pizza around! How can I help you?~” Oh how he relished pissing people off.

“Shut up.” A cold, feminine voice came from the other side. Eighty Two always sounded so annoyed… “I need a service. Payment will be in advance, as per our usual accord.”

“Ohhh straight to the point huh? I like it!”

“There’s a new user in Dejima 08. Perform the usual Safety Scan. They claim to have been invited by user ‘Canned Tea’, but we know he has lied about it before.”

“Ok, let me check!” Just to cover, Blanco tapped gibberish on his keyboard while softly going ‘beep boop’ as he worked. “... Alright! Got it!”

“That was fast.”

“Tav. Real name Santino Belnades. A Bastard Mage living in Saüle, Wohl.”

“Is he dangerous?”

“Actually she goes by she now!”

“Is she dangerous?” Mustafá grumbled, more annoyed than usual.

“Nah. Just a college student like many others. She’ll give up or die in a month tops.”

“...” Mustafá remained silent for a moment, ruminating. “So Canned Tea is just covering another random bastard…”

“Ahem. My pay?”

“Why is this kid like this? Can’t he realize that he’s getting them into far more trouble than it’s worth?”

“I thought you said nothing ever happens in that forum of yours. Isn’t that your main complaint?”

“That doesn’t mean nothing ‘can’ happen at any moment. If the Brotherhood finds out about this forum, they could seize all of us for questioning.” The alchemist let out a deep sigh.

“Yeah, real tragic. Pay me.”

“I wonder how this one got turned. Probably some mage’s irresponsible usage of spells…? No, Wohl has such a low magical population, and such a high conscription by the Brotherhood…”

Blanco let out the deepest of sighs, rubbing his smooth face with a hand while spinning slowly on his non-existent chair. This was exactly why he prefered working with G, that and the lack of emotions that witch had…

And people called him inhuman! Hah!

“Keep an eye on her. I will pay you right now.”

There was a loud ‘KA-CHING!’ sound coming from one of the computers in the room. Blanco sighed in relief.

“Thank you for your patronage! I will keep you updated.”

“Good.”

With that, the alchemist hung up. Blanco growled again. No one said ‘Good Bye’ these days now, did they!? Rude pricks. And bad news kept coming up! This ‘Canny’ guy was now telling her that he’ll teach her the glyph for digital security?

“Guess baby time is over.”

He’d have to work a little harder to stay hidden if Tav decided to install that on all of her devices. At least it would keep him entertained! Blanco decided to focus on preparing for when things would get more intense.

After all, he had some time. The kid was going to the library, right? There was only one book she wanted from there, and Blanco had read it several times over already.

Gato’s old scratchbook held no new knowledge for the vampire to be interested.


There is no such thing as an entire section dedicated to recipe books in Saüle University’s Library, but I manage to find that stuff in the ‘miscellany’ section. That’s where all the hobby and self-help material ends up, and even if it took me a moment to come to the conclusion, that’s where I went too.

It takes me even longer to look through every single tome I could in that section, but finally, after all my hard work… I think I have found it.

Canny was right, this is a cheap notebook. Soft covers, spiral-bound, both sides stamped with wizard hats, frogs, potion phials and many other pieces of typically ‘witchy’ imagery. Looking through the pages, it is just a bunch of cake and kuchen recipes, nothing to write home about. It is old, the pages are all yellowish and fragile, and there are stains everywhere.

Then, when I am sure no one is watching… I whispered the words.

“Jantar mantar…?”

It is instantaneous, as soon as I say the password the pages begin to change, words disappearas the ink that wrote them starts gathering in a single, dark blotch, and then begins rearranging again…

Something compels me to close the book, feeling a little embarrassed. For some reason I equated it to catching someone changing up clothes, how outrageous!

Finally, after waiting for a moment, I open it again.

The Bastard’s Guide to Magic
By Gato

Okay, that was certainly a title.

Now that I have it in my hands, I quickly close it again and add it to a pile of books I have picked up. Stuff on ancient symbology and old civilizations. With my loot in my arms, I quickly go over to the main desk and get it all sorted.

The second floor librarian smiles at me for a moment before scanning all the barcodes, giving me a week to return all the books, and then offering me a bag to carry them. I shake my head, setting it all in my backpack.

… Wow, it’s been a while since I've taken this old backpack out to Uni, huh?

“Feeling nostalgic?”

“For the times you were an actually useful member of society?”

Maybe a little bit, to be honest. I still remember when I used to come here with Patricio looking for academic books and I escaped the duties to look for something interesting to read…

“Back when you actually read as a hobby.”

Shut up, I’ve been reading more these days, I am returning to it.

Walking out of the Library, I once again avoid the gaze of any acquaintances and run straight for the streets to take another taxi back home. There aren’t that many people around today anyways, probably because of Winter Vacation.

Maybe I should send Patricio a message…

“Oh yeah? And what will you tell him? That you’re ditching formal studies for a fantasy? That magic is real and shit?”

I… thought of saying hi. That’s what friends do, right?

“When was the last time you spoke to a friend? Pepe? Vito? What about Venus?”

I flinch for a moment.

“We can fix that right now! Let’s go chat with Patricio when we get home!”

I… don’t think I will, no. The mere idea of getting in contact with him makes me a little sick from the nerves, especially considering I don’t really have an answer for what he told me before. I remain as undecided on the whole ‘career’ deal as I was that day.

With a hand I call for a passing taxi, and I have the luck of being acknowledged. You never know with the Taxists these days, it is very well known that they dislike the college students in this city.

Maybe he is hurting for money.

I sit down, tell the man where I need to go, and stop thinking about things for a moment as the car moves… only to feel my phone vibrating.

It vibrates more than once.

That means someone’s calling me.

I start sweating almost immediately, as I carefully pull the thing out. Two possibilities, it js either spam, or it is my parents.

It is my parents.

“Calm down.”

“How do you think they would feel if they knew how fucking distressed their presence make you? Do you think they would ask ‘whatever did we do wrong?’ or something like that?”

“Don’t listen. Just… remember that they’ve never meant anything bad, ok? They will accept you, regardless of your results in college.”

I gulp… and with a deep breath, I put on the mask. All trembling stops, just like that night at the planetarium… although it really pains me to compare mom and dad to the cloaks. With another deep breath, I pick up.

“Mom?”

“Ohhhhh hi there Santi! How are you today? I hope I didn’t catch you too busy!” Mom was as vital and energetic as ever. Despite her old age, she really always acts like a far younger woman. That’s admirable, at least to me.

“She will die eventually, too.”

Saints above, shut up.

“I’m fine mom! I was just returning from the library. We started vacation this week, so I was picking some stuff to read on my own.” Not technically a lie. “How are things over there in Sumpf?”

“Ohhh you know, there’s never much to tell around here. Your dad and Vito always at each other’s throats… I really hope they'll get along a bit better with time.”

“They wont. If anything, it will get worse.”

Vito will grow wiser and dad will grow older, I am sure things will get better.

“Hah, I guess some things never change… what about you? Feeling fine?”

“Oh you know me, I am fine! For now.” She laughed loudly. “And you, Santi? How do you feel?”

“Uh…”

Damn it. I hesitated. I need to give that a reason NOW.

“... Well I had a bit of a toothache before, but beyond that, all’s…” I sigh. “Okay, maybe not so good. Mom, I think I flunked my exams this time…”

“Oh my dear…” She sighed, before going back to her positive self. “Don’t torture yourself over it now. Wait for the actual grade to be announced, then torture yourself!”

“Moom!”

“I am just kidding sweetie.” She chuckled a bit. “It is fine, we all fail sometimes… really, it’s not the end of the world, I swear.”

“She’s trying to soften the blow from the fact that you’re a fucking failure.”

I shudder.

“You are doing your best, that’s all that matters.”

“Are you?”

“We are proud of you, Santi. Never forget that.” She said, probably smiling.

“They were proud. Now? They are just enduring you.”

My lips tremble, a sharp breath escapes me. No, please. I can’t cry in a damn taxi…

“...Mom.”

“Yes, dear?”

“... What if this career isn’t what I am meant to do?”

“We are not ‘meant’ to do things. The Saints put us here to try and improve ourselves, but there’s no one dictated path, dear.”

Sometimes I forget that mom is quite religious, it makes me smile a little bit.

“I know, I know. But that’s not what I meant…” I hesitate again, breathing in and out, trying to keep the panic attack at bay. “... Mom… what if this is not the career I am built for?”

“Well… you can always change, dear! It is no problem, don’t worry about the money. We can afford it, especially with your scholarship!”

I certainly lost that one with my disastrous performance here, but I don’t have the guts to tell Mom that.

“As if she didn’t know already. She’s not stupid.”

“... Thank you mom.”

“Any time, dear. If there’s ANYTHING at all that you feel like telling me, remember that I am always on your side, okay?”

“Yes mom.”

“Yeah yeah, ‘yes mom’, that means ‘shut up already, old lady’, right?” She giggled.

“Mooom!”

“Alright, alright… I hope you can come back soon, okay? We miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“She doesn’t believe you. None of them do. They think you’re cold, distant and a failure on top of all that.”

“I love you mom.”

“Love you too, Santi.”

Click.

The taxi is not moving, it hasn’t been for a while now. The old man behind the steering wheel looks at me with concern.

“We’re here… kid. If something is wrong, you gotta tell your mom. Trust me… there are many things I wish I told mine before she passed.”

“You don’t know us. You have no idea about us. Stop talking so familiarly to us and go away.”

I flinch, pushing down that response and just sighing.

“I know… thank you.”

After paying the man, I walk out of the taxi and let it go, standing in front of my apartment complex for a moment.

I really don’t want to cry today.

But I already feel some tears going down my face.

Why am I like this?

I'm a huge fan of Game of Thrones and House of the Dragon as you could probably tell. I'm seeking to do a romantic rp with all of the twists and turns we could expect from the show. I know the books and the show to a incredible level so I can pull from both.
Here are some ideas I have I'm not limited to these and would love to hear your own. I would be willing to play multiple characters not just the ones listed here.
Jon SnowxDaenerys Targaryen my favorite couple we could do so much for them and give them a far better ending then what the show gave them. I have to many ideas for the couple to list here.
Margaery TyrellxRobb Stark or Jon Snow Margaery is one of my favorite characters and could fit for a few ideas. Imagine Robb getting a strong match with her before the War of the 5 Kings begins and could change so much.
JonxMargaery is my favorite rare ship just great opposites attract set up. Perhaps Olenna managed to find out Jon's heritage and manages to bring Jon to the Reach to meet Margaery and create a 6th king for the coming conflict.
AemondxTargaryenxHelaena Targaryen this one is a set up I've thought of sense watching the show. Perhaps Aegon the second passes before he and Helaena can be married. Then Aemond has to do his duty and marry her as the new heir to the throne.
OCSxVaries I would be very interested in including some OCs with some Canon characters a Baratheon OC son of Robert and Cersei who is paired Margaery. If you would do this I would be willing to do something similar for a oc of your own with a canon of your choice or similar set up.
A trouple set up playing a malexfemalexfemale would be amazing if one I don't really expect to happen. If we do this then I would do another similar set up for you with characters of your choice. Who wouldn't want to have a set up like Aegon the Conquerer.
Aus These line up for the shows, but we could also do some Aus, like perhaps Rhaegar won the rebellion. Perhaps Valyria never fell or the kingdoms were never conquered.
The RP would take place over Discord though we would chat here.

I (f 30) am the youngest of two. My older sister (f 36) lives in the same state but a few hours away. She never came home after college because she was in a relationship. When we were younger she was a total mother's girlie girl and I was a daddy's girl. With that dynamic you can conclude that me and mom (f 55) weren't very close back then. When my sister went to college and it was just me and mom, we clashed all the time. I couldn't wait to go to college and be free. Unlike my sister, when i graduated from college I went back home and lived with my mom. While in school she found out she had cancer and I realized how important she was to me, during the summer I would take care of her. I became super protective because my dad (m 60) had died the second part of my freshman year. I guess realizing you only get one dad and mom did something to me and our relationship changed. Strangely, while in college I transformed into a girlie girl with all female roommates that treated me like a toy by dressing me up and taking me to parties. So, when I came home I started working right away. Had some messy relationships and crappy jobs, but my mom always supported me. From what I seen my mom and sister were still close, even with the distance. When Shawn would come home her and mom hung out, sometimes she would stay with us, sometimes not but they talked often. Note, I don't know if it was the age difference or what but me and my sister never got along. Somewhere in my 20's I realized that we were never going to be "those sisters" and called it for what it was. We are blood, but not friends, and I know if we weren't related we would never befriends on purpose. Don't get me wrong, I love her and if Shawn was hurt or in trouble I would help her but for now, for my mom's sake I talk to her on major holiday's and important family matters, but not to just catch up or anything. I honestly don't care. Sadly, if other family member didn't ask "how is your sister", I could probably go years without thinking about her. Anyways, it started off slow, like Shawn would come to town not stay with us, then she would come to town and not reach out until she was leaving, and then we wouldn't know she was in town at all unless she called my grandmother or posted something on social media in a familiar place. It was weird because they would always link up. Shawn loves mom's cooking and would come home just for that. Mom would go visit her and go to work events with Shawn, at the last one mom said they got into an argument because she was tired from driving 5 hours, going to the event without a nap and being on her feet all night. After the event mom just wanted to go back to Shawn's apartment and rest, but there was an after party she wanted to go to. Not wanted to go to the after party mom just wanted her to walk her back to the apartment and then Shawn could go. Shawn wanted mom to go with her and said they wouldn't be there long, but mom was tired. She was trying to convince her that she would only stay for 30 minutes, but we both know when Shawn is in a room she will talk to everyone and 30 minutes could turn into 3 hours real quick. When mom put her foot down and asked her to take her home Shawn got upset and started yelling "this is mom's side of the story", you never want to do anything, ugh, why can't you just have fun, ugh..... She said Shawn was just yelling her on the corner of the street while people were walking. Shawn stays in town where a lot of people walk and everything is close by. Then she agreed to walk mom back but walked super fast and mom couldn't keep up. She is shorter than me and my sister. When they got back, she let mom in, changed her shoes and went back out. When mom came home and told me what happened I was so confused. It isn't like them to argue. I guess you can say this was the beginning of the end. Shawn stopped calling her as often, went out of the country and said nothing about it until the day of. There were just a lot of things she was doing without communicating with mom, it came to a head when our phone plan bill went up 100's of dollars. See, the bill is in Shawn's name but mom pays the bill, well she use to until Shawn got an iPhone and added the cost of the phone to the bill. Mom and I have Samsung's. She did this without telling mom and because the bill was automated it took mom while to notice. When she did, she told Shawn to start paying the bill for the portion of the phone itself. She agreed but wouldn't pay it on times, there were times that my phone was off but didn't notice because I was always near wifi. Somewhere in the middle of this she got another iPhone and the bill went again. Shawn didn't know that just because she got another phone didn't mean she wouldn't have to pay off the other one. They went back and forth on the phone one day arguing, Shawn claiming she paid and mom asking her to go through the payment history and tell her where...... the arguing ended when she started yelling at mom, saying "you're triggering me, you're triggering me" my mom just stared into the phone in disbelief... We're black and raised in a very much black household so for those who know, know those are words that we just don't say..... Well that was last week and this past weekend was mothers day and Shawn didn't call mom.... We have a family group chat of about 23 people and she said it there but not directly to mom or sent a card or anything.... I asked her the Thursday before if she would be sending mom something on mother's because we usually work together to get her something or she send me money and I get her something and Shawn will send a card. But nothing. She didn't even call our grandmother.... I went to my boyfriends house after then mother's day dinner at my grandmother's house, where I stay most weekends and while there she called me. Mom calls when she says things are too much to text. bet she went home and found a package with a 15 pound weight in it and a note saying "I hope your mother's day brought you some joy",.... Um what??? I want someone to tell me why she picked this as a mother's day gift.... and just one ... one 15 pound weight, not a set. Mom works out but already has a set for 5,10,15, and 20 pounds weight that I know Shawn knows she has. Mom was really sad and she isn't the super emotional one of us 3, the emotional one is me. If there is one thing I hate is my mom feeling bad, but then for it to be caused by her own child was different. Shawn NEVER answers the phone like NEVER, I had to tell her our dad passed away via text after calling almost 100 times. Mom sounded like she wanted to cry and just kept asking me " Brit, what did I do wrong, I don't know what I did wrong". Dang, that broke me. Now I'm the bigger of the two of us, and my sister knows me well enough that she don't want these problems so instead for even calling I sent a long text, basically saying I was disappointed to call her my sister and she should be ashamed of how she is treating our mother because when she got fired and unemployment wasn't paying enough to cover her bill's mom paid. Shawn never paid her back. Over all she is one of the most selfish people I know. I just asked her how hard is it to say happy mother's day or send a card. I didn't expect a response, but she did, in only 15 minutes. She said " I appreciate your concern and believe me, this runs much deeper than a phone bill. I don't have the same relationship with mom as you. You only know what you experienced and what happened to you. So, I'm not going to try and explain the various dynamics between mom and I that led to where we are now. It maybe hard for you to understand today. Pls don't blame it all on me. I love you. " I don't even know what that means. I responded something like other than physical, emotional, or mental harm i don't know what could have happened so bad that she couldn't call and say happy mothers day though. I can't imagine my mom doing any of those things. but again she gave some therapy like response and asked me to give her time to heal.... Mom has no clue what various dynamics she is talking about. I'm asking for advice because I feel like she is going down the same path she did with our dad. After our parents marriage ended and we were living with dad, mom still came over 3 times a week and cooked, had us on weekends. It was like she never left the only difference was she didn't sleep at home. When the arrangement changed, dad came 2 weekends in a row. then every other weekend, then once a month, then we were lucky if we saw him at all. It broke my heart in high school when a boy in my class told me to tell my dad that he would be late for practice. I was confused and bugged him all day to explain what he meant. I found out that my dad was coaching baseball across the street from our subdivision about 3 times a week with games on the weekend. So, he could see random boys at my school almost everyday for at least 3 hours and couldn't come over before or after to see his own kids? I actual walked over to the park one day because I refused to believe it, but there he was. We never talked about it. I just started walking there and sitting in the dugout to be near him and he would drive me the 2 minutes back home. All of the players lived in our neighborhood and dad had a flat bed so he would drop them off too. When Shawn graduated high school she never talked to our dad again after that day. She never told me why. He also developed cancer while I was in college and was very sick, when he got better he tried to get back in our lives and I let him in mine, called him on holidays but he did some messed up stuff to me my first year of college so I pushed back a little between that dad would call me and tell me to call my sister on 3 way, if she answered she was forced to talk to him. She wouldn't say much and would always say she was busy or had to do something to do and promise she would call him back and never would. So, now .... as part of my trying to figure out what my mom did, I reminded her how she cried when she found out our dad passed and she just kept saying she thought she had more time and who would walk her down the ail when she gets married and never got a chance to fix things. I would hate for that to happen with our mom too. I know because of our relationship once mom passes away we will most likely not talk or see each other ever again. So, I asking what did my mom do to her? What can I do to help fix this or should I even try? Anyone have any suggestions or ideas, also sorry for the typos or misspelled words or if its hard to follow, but I ask for anyone's input if they have experience this type of situation? Side note, idk if this helps but when Shawn came to town the last few times she stayed with our Aunt Carla. She has baby of the family syndrome, where she thinks she had hard but was actually spoiled rotten and believes all her sisters and brother and their wives are jealous of her. It's total BS but once when mom and I weren't getting along and I stayed with her, she told me some crazy stories about mom sleeping around, getting drunk, trying to fight her and someone else and some other stuff. This was when I was in college and I believed what she said mom and I continued to be on the outs for awhile before I found out about her cancer and became her protector and caregiver for a while. I don't believe those stories so much now be her and mom had issues before, Carla has actually had issues with all her siblings at one point and finds the need to the the main character of her own story and everyone else's. Simply she's a "One Upper". Aunt Carla getting in Shawn's ear is one idea I believe, also Shawn's friend have ummmmm "other people problems" like mellow dramatic soap opera drama and she maybe internalizing their issues. But yeah help, where do I go from here?

This is a bit of a long one so buckle up. TLDR at the bottom.
My partner and I have been together for 7 years, have lived together for 3 years, and are engaged. In short, we absolutely adore each other, and we are not looking to break up over this. This whole post was written together. However, pretty much the only source of friction between us is household chores, and we feel like we’re going a bit mad. For a bit of background, I am diagnosed autistic with a PDA profile (relevant, I promise), and work as a PhD student, although I am currently taking compassionate leave. My partner works in IT. My mum has recently passed, leaving us to take in my disabled brother. I absolutely adored my mum, but she was a hoarder, around a level 3-4 on the hoarding scale and so I grew up in what were basically unsanitary conditions (cleaning out the house after she passed was not a fun task). In contrast, his mum is very hygienic, cleaning the house daily and deep cleaning regularly, and works part time, giving her time and energy to look after the house. She has her own tendencies towards clutter though, often bringing things home from charity shops, although usually for other people.
Our current situation: We have tried many different methods for divvying up household chores, but each one has failed for one reason or another.
His Perspective: “I feel like I do more than 50% of the current share of work, which I feel is unfair. I am willing to put myself through more stress in a day, which enables me to get more done. That’s my benchmark for what people are capable of when at home, and so that’s my standard for her. This currently translates to me doing the washing up and putting away dry dishes, straightening things out and preparing myself for the next day, having a shower, picking out clothes, making lunch etc. I also make mental notes of things that need doing that I can’t currently do, and ask her to do them the next day. If they don’t get done then I will do them at the weekend. I also keep track of things to do with her brother, e.g. what he needs to do to look after himself, what he needs to learn before it’s safe for him to live independently, and so on. I also make sure she looks after herself, as her mental health is not always the best, so I prompt her to take showers by asking when she last had one.” (My note: I absolutely do not go around being smelly outside the house, but I will admit that if I don’t leave the house for several days in a row then I will sometimes forget to shower.)
My perspective: I don’t feel like he does more than 55% of the work at most. Currently I do all the administrative overhead and managing bills for the house, all the cooking, shopping for food, making shopping lists for the week, and doing the meal plan for the week, although I do ask for input from both him and my brother so that I’m making food we all like to eat. In return he has sole charge of the washing up, because I absolutely hate it. The mix of too-hot water, soap, food grease, and food bits in the water makes my skin crawl. This does work well for us, but he sees this as 50-50 because he doesn’t like washing up either, just not as much as I do. However, I feel like this is more work in my favour, as cooking takes longer, as does shopping and planning. Tom also feels like I should pick up more chores during the day, such as laundry and generally keeping the house tidy. He doesn’t think that the time he has after work can be used efficiently to do chores (apart from washing up) every day, as laundry is better done in the morning so the clothes can dry outside, whereas I am currently on compassionate leave and therefore have the time during the day. He also has diagnosed depression and his mental health issues, so we both sometimes struggle to give our 100%. However I feel expecting me to do more during the day is unfair when we contribute to the household finances equally. He often reminds me to do things by messaging me in the morning when he’s at work, such as putting the laundry on, giving the bathroom or kitchen a clean, taking the bins out, etc. because he knows I won't otherwise be busy. I am also completely in charge of all the administration with my brother. I talk to social services, doctors, manage his money, I am helping him get a job and we are getting him ready to move into his own supported living. I love my brother but there is a lot of work that goes into looking after him.
Here is where the PDA comes in. I hate people telling me what to do. I can just about manage it with things like my PhD supervisor, and work bosses, but from people who I see as equal, e.g. my partner, it instantly puts me on the defensive and gets my back up. As soon as someone tells me to do something, all motivation to do that thing, even if I want to do it, or was going to do it, just disappears. To be clear, this is not something I particularly like about myself, and I do try really hard not to do it, but it’s a slow work in progress. My partner's prompting and reminding me to do things makes me feel like he doesn’t see me as capable, so I tend to dig my feet in. But then, whatever he wanted me to do doesn’t get done, and so from his POV he is justified in reminding me, because otherwise I wouldn’t do it. (I maintain that this isn’t true and he just needs to leave me to do my own thing, and I will get round to it in time. However, I will admit that I am inconsistent. I've lost a lot of people over the last 7 years, had a lot of uni stress, been diagnosed with autism, and also have depression on top of it all. I am currently in therapy and this is helping, but I can still be inconsistent with chores).
What we have tried: We sit down and talk about this pretty much every 6 months when we’ve hit a breaking point. When I say it is the only source of conflict in our relationship, it genuinely is aside from normal relationship spats. We’ve tried using a rota, so that one of us does a chore one week, and the other does the same chore next week. This failed because I would not always do the things on my rota (mostly the washing up), and so Tom would feel that I’m not doing my fair share, and he would stop putting effort in, leading to a vicious cycle. It was also difficult to track whose turn it was to do what. We’ve tried using an app called Sweepy, that monitors chores, how long it has been since a chore was done, offers reminders and visual stimulus on completion (bars going from red to green). This failed because we struggled to remember to use the app and it wasn't effective for him and the way he functions, the app was more for my benefit but it requires both people using it to be effective. He did give it a go, but felt like he was using it more than me and therefore stopped using it himself. We’ve tried what we call “picking things up as we see them”, this failed because he has low object permanence, and doesn't clock things that need doing when he's not in "tidy up mode" so I would get frustrated. We also notice different things and prioritise different things, leading to each feeling like we were doing more than the other, because they were doing more of the things they noticed. We’ve tried writing tasks/reminders on a blackboard. I liked this one when it worked because it took the demand out of a task, but for him it turned into part of the furniture and he would forget to use it or look at it.
Currently: He leaves me to do things during the week at my own pace, but he still gives regular reminders, and then if it's not done, he will A. Remind me B. Do it at the weekend C. Get annoyed (last resort) We also divvy up tasks differently, trying to focus on me taking on more mental load as I have more capacity for this during the week, e.g. meal planning, cooking, shopping lists, finances, etc. and him doing the washing up. My brother being here has actually helped as he takes on some of the chores as he learns to do them, e.g. hoovering, cleaning cat trays, his own laundry, etc. This is currently working the best, although there are still rubbing points. Mostly because I still don't like him telling me what to do, feel like he doesn't contribute as much during the week, and he feels like I don't contribute as much overall, and this won't necessarily work when I go back off compassionate leave, when we have kids, or when my brother moves out.
TLDR; We need to find a way to divvy up household responsibilities in a way that feels fair to both, doesn't rely on him telling me what to do (or helps me to deal with this), and is sustainable for life changes along the way. There have been aspects of each thing that we’ve tried that has worked, but none of them have been perfect for us, and we don’t know how to combine them in a way that does work for us.

First of all I want to say that I really would like to believe. This post is not coming from someone that would like to not believe or hates religion or something. I truly believe Christianity is a good thing in the world and the teachings of Jesus are obviously good. These are all simply questions of its authenticity, not of the values being taught.

1. How can you explain seemingly insane stories like Noah’s Ark? It seems insane to genuinely think that a few guys built a wooden boat thousands of years ago that was able house two of every animal to ever live. On top of that they would need to also pack enough food for all these animals, and finding space for enough food for just 2 elephants would be difficult, let alone that hundreds of thousands or millions of other animals on board. Did the animals just poop and pee on each other the whole trip? How did they keep all the animals around before boarding? Obviously tracking down and catching all these animals would take years at minimum, and then finding a place to keep all these animals without them eating each other or starving to death or just escaping seems unlikely. And what about the insects? How did they catch every species of bug? Did they get them all in a jar? How did they not fly away at any point before boarding the boat?
   
2. If God created Adam and Eve and every other animal at the same time, why are there no accounts of humans interacting with dinosaurs? I would imagine someone would have written something at some time to indicate this, or at least a drawing, and it doesn’t exist. On top of this, how can you explain no dinosaurs existing now, of any kind, and how do you explain the amount of fossils we have found that date them back further than the Bible says the Earth has existed? And how do you explain the amount of fossils we have that shows slow change of species as they evolved and developed of hundreds of thousands and millions of years if they were all created at the same time approximately 6000 years ago?
   
3. Why would God create Satan? You can say that he allows for free will and that is why Satan was allowed to continuing existing, but this doesn’t really follow when there is multiple times in the Bible that God intervened with people’s free will to save people or get what he wants done, so why not get rid of the embodiment of evil? Why allow Satan to interact with Adam and Eve, especially when they were “innocent” and didn’t know any better, and why do we all have to pay for their mistake when God could have prevented it entirely. God obviously knew it was happening considering he is all knowing, so why did he allow it? You could say it was a test for Adam and Eve, but if he knew it would doom all of mankind why would he allow it? He intervened for much less in other parts of the Bible, but not when all of humanity will be cursed due to the actions of 2? And further, why does God allow Satan to have such reign over this world? Why does he allow Satan to control so many parts of this world when he could destroy him at any point he wanted to?
   
4. I don’t think the existence of God answers any real questions about our existence. People say that we are so complex that there is no way there wasn’t a creator and that there is no way we just evolved this way, but doesn’t that bring up more questions than answers? If we are so complex we needed to be created by some higher being, who created God? He is like 10 trillion times more complex than us, and somehow he doesn’t have a creator? And then people would say well God is infinite and he just is and has always existed, but couldn’t I just say that about the universe? And if just by chance God exists and always have, I don’t find it more unlikely that we just happened to evolve by chance to be the way we are.
   

These are not all my questions but I want to keep it relatively short. Thank you for reading and I look forward to reading other perspectives.

Hi. I'm a 25 year old person and I just wanted a safe space to share something personal that happened to me when I was about 18-19 years old. I could find the date it happened... but doing this would mean going to look through a lot of old memories. It's a good thing and also a bad thing. When it happened, one person new about what really happened and another person thought it was something else completely. I didn't think too much about it when it happened but my body body did in fact remember. I use to get full body tremors something. Like my entire body would get tense and it would force itself to shake off all the tension. Afterwards I would just feel tired. As I have gotten older, I began telling some people close to me. My reaction doesn't change at all all these years later. Sometime I think that it was my fault. Sometimes I think that that person should not have done that and I wasn't my fault. Sometimes I think, in comparison, it wasn't a big deal. But it is regardless. It was just something that happen to me.
Anyway, here is what happened. I'll start with some context first. I was always alone. I didn't really have anyone. All I have was my eldest half sister and her husband and I did almost everything with them (more him than her because she was always working). I started living with them right out of secondary school all the way to university. When I got to university, I got mixed up with a person I shouldn't have and he got very angry with me saying that he tried to guide me to be better since my parents were a waste of time. He would get really mad about it because I would talk about how I was feeling (naivety and all) and he would just say that I was stupid to put it lightly. That was the dynamic of the household at this point in time. Him being stressed about his other life things going on, plus being mad at me (especially since I didn't want to hear good reason, which if he wasn't so mean at that time I might have listened to but honestly I don't think I might have). He would curse some times, be mean, make me feel paranoid about anywhere I was (this paranoia existed before and disappeared when I left home but then came back at a point when I started living with them). I wasn't right in this either, I just kept making mistakes, and they didn't trust me.
Another point of context is that I have always had problems with my body since I was young. For this story, the problem was in my private area (I'm a girl fyi) and there was no one to talk to about it at this time and I always ended up hurt myself. I even have tears on my labia from how much I hurt myself.
So when I started getting an allowance from my parents for university and because I'm an impulsive person as well, decided to go to the doctor. I remembered taking a bus to get to school and seeing a gynecologist office. I've known it was there ever since but I just kept it in the back of my mind for a long time. I was done having all these problems so I just went. It was relatively far walk from where I use to live as well. I can't remember why I didn't take a bus but I didn't. I went in and spoke to the receptionist. She told me that the docter wasn't in office yet and I could wait for him to arrive. So I waited. When I got called into his office I was really really really scared. But I was already stuck being there so I couldn't leave . He asked me if I had a boyfriend. And I told him that I did. He asked if I have sex. (This was my long distance person) I said no. I can't remember all the old things he asked. Afterwards, he told me to go in the back room to do the ultra sound and to take off my pants. So I did. He came in the room and did a check up on my breast (over my clothes) and said then said something along the lines of "I can do the ultra sound on your stomach but I can get a better......" At this point in time, I was on a table with a man with my legs spread and I was alone. I was flustered and didn't really understand what he was telling me but I just agreed. I agreed without thing. Fuck I wished I was thinking. He did whatever he was doing and then insert a probe inside of me. It hurt. It hurt so much and he was just talking like it was a normal thing. To me, I was just trying not too move too much and flinch from the pain I was getting. When he was done, he told me to put my clothes back on and left the room. I went in the bathroom and saw that I was bleeding. I was so startled and scared by this and put on a pad that was there in the room and told him that I was bleeding. I can't remember his reaction but he just said to come sit by the table and said nothing was wrong with me. I asked about things like if my discharge was normal and he said it was fine. He gave me my ultrasound, appointment card and sent me to pay. It took all of my savings to say the least. It was raining when I was walking home. I stopped at a fast food restaurant and waited until the rain stopped. I looked at the ultrasound while I was there and called my friend and showed him. He looked at it and said something along the lines of you don't look pregnant. At some point I made it home and hid away all the things and went on with my day. I can't remember my feelings honestly. I was already going through some other things and this was just one of my many mistakes at that point in my life. Maybe that same day, her husband when looking in my room looking for none existent drugs because he saw charcoal tablets in my room. I didn't do any drugs. Maybe I smoked some weed (once in a blue moon) and smoke cigarettes all because of stress but nothing else. He found the ultrasound and appointment card and called the place. When I got back to the house I remember being confronted about something but I can't really remember what happened. I've blocked out a lot of things that happened back then. I went home for that weekend (I never went home on weekends before and when things started happening I started going home) and I received a missed call from a number I didn't know and a voice-mail. I listed to the voice mail and it was the docter. He called me back and said that I should come back to his office and that a concerned family member called. I called my friend and told him and we had a good laugh about it. I was confronted about it at some point in time by him. I only realized that he went through my things because certain things were not put back in place in my diary. When I remember when he confronted me, I asked if he did look though my drawers. I can't remember if he lied or not but I remember the conversation being that I noticed that something was not put back in place in my dairy and he said he usually does but it pack in place but didn't this time. I feel like I could put more but it would be too much. It all happened such a long time ago and I should just move on but honestly I'm still so angry about a lot of things. It's hard for me to get over. This is just one of them. Sometimes I even wonder that when I do find someone, how do I even explain this. That I'm still a virgin but my hymen was broken by a gynecologist or should I just lie and say I've had sex before and just fake it. If I say the truth would my person even want me? All I can say is that I'm trying. Good enough for me.

Background: My father (65M) who lives in Northern Ireland is currently going through divorce with my mother. He has worked all of his life as a bus driver and he doesn't make much (around £1,200/month before tax). It has taken him pretty much his whole life to get his house paid off and now he has to take out massive loans to pay for his divorce for half the price of the house (valued at £100,000~). He is either going to have to be in massive debt to pay off my mother or he will have to sell the house and become homeless.
Problem: I think my father's solicitor may be scamming him as:

• His solicitor is charging him £10,000 in legal fees and apparently she wasn't able to fill out the legal aid paperwork in time for him.
  • I think the fee is way too much as she is charging my father 10% of the house's value.
  • Am I able to do something about her not filling in legal aid in time? I am not sure how long she had but is there any way to find out if she was being negligent.
• Apparently she told him to settle straight away.
• She offered him little to no advice e.g.:
  • She didn't come up with a plan or argument for his case.
  • She didn't tell him about specific court dates - he only found out by talking to my mother.
  • There was very little communication between her and my father - most of it was done via text message and calls.

If he does not get the full amount paid to my mother's solicitor then he could lose his house.
Can his solicitor take that fee from the payment that is required to my mother before it gets to her? Is there any other help or advice I can get for my dad?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you for your time.

Since the next update will add a bigger map there should also be a new gang which have there own territory and product. And it should be the cholos. They will control barrios and they will sling the new product which will be crack. Which crack can be obtained either by buying from the Mexicans or taking over their territory and learning the recipe ( reward for taking them out). Also the stash houses could play a role. The stash houses could be used for 3 reasons. Storing product ( 1-15 keys). Steppin on kilos. Cutting them with other powders like baking powder. That way u gain extra product ( 100-500 grams for every key u step on). Final and not least, the stash house could be used to cook crack. Equipping the cookers with coke and they turned it into crack. The price of crack should around 70$ for a gram. Thanks for reading

House speaker Nancy peloci's visit to Taiwan invoked a dangerous response from the second largest economy China. Shortly after pelosi left the self governing island china launched missiles into the waters surounding Taiwan including in Japan's exclusive economic zone. I think whether we like it or not the speaker is representative of a democratic system at the same time china is threatening a military take over and a down fall of their democracy. America must stand by Taiwan, even militarily. America must be an ally of democracies the world over.

So, here is part 2 of my entitled employee story. We left off with discovering Sally’s retaliation of giving me trash as a Christmas gift after her latest write-up.
So, the next several weeks, I am noticing more problems, but here’s some of the highlights.

1. Ever since we had issues of the office’s checks going randomly missing, Sally had apparently decided to just stop throwing any envelope away when opening the mail. She would supposedly search the envelopes/paperwork & then keep the envelopes with the paperwork. So, instead of doing her job better, she would decide to just stop doing the job at all. After all, you can’t get in trouble for screwing it up if you aren’t doing it, right? However, this resulted in items getting left with the paperwork (which sometimes wouldn’t get touched for several weeks due to being busy) that had needed to be collected or addressed right away.
   
2. Sally’s careless mistakes continued at about the same rate (average of 2 to 3 a week). She would put deposit slips/emails with the wrong office’s report, put one office’s mail in another office’s bin, put one office’s funding papers in another office’s bin, put one office’s bills in the folder for their correspondence & vice versa, put one office’s bills in the folder for another office’s bills, put the new month’s bills in the folder without taking out the old month’s bills so they would get mixed up. I could go on & on.
   
3. Sally would still ask for help on things she shouldn’t need help on anymore, ‘cause I had helped her many times on items exactly like it in the 2 years she’s worked here. I mean, the whole point of asking for help when learning new things on a job is so you can take the input you’re given & use it to get better at the job so you don’t have to ask for help anymore. I mean, what kind of office works by their employees constantly needing to be walked through everything every day? Sally would even ask for help on things no one would need to ask for help on. For example, she asked me, “An office took a deposit to the bank without showing it on their report. How do I write that up in the letter to fax to them?” Um, exactly what you just said to me. Or another time, she asks how long she should wait before calling an office back. Well, how long do you think you should give them? Just use your good judgment. You don’t need help with that! Again, you’ve been here 2 years!
   

On Jan 26, I take the Dec bills, correspondence faxes, & timesheets out of their folders to scan them into the computer. Now, one thing the bills should always have on them are the check number used to pay for this purchase & the date it was paid. The offices themselves are supposed to write this on there, but they don’t always, which is why it is our job to write it on there if it’s missing. I had noticed when I scanned Nov’s bills around Nov 30 that a lot of Sally’s offices don’t have that info written on them. So, I explained to her what needed to be written on every bill/receipt. I now flip through the Dec & Jan bills of her offices really quick to check them. There are quite a few of them with no info written down on them. There’s strike one for noncompliance.
Another task we would do several days a week (that’s Sally’s responsibility) is to check the bank accounts online. She is to look at the bank balances & report any low balances to Greg (or me if Greg isn’t there). She is then to look at the transactions in order to see if anything looks fraudulent. Since we are a loan company, check fraud is very common for us. So, we look at the checks for anything funny-looking, & we look to see if there are any auto debits (like when you use your bank account online to pay for a bill) that would tell us if someone got hold of our bank account info.
On Jan 30, at 1:15 p.m., I asked if any of the bank balances were low (Greg was out of town for a few days). Sally said she had forgotten to check the bank accounts that morning. Weird, ‘cause you had to check the Dallas office to make sure the money we sent them had shown up. How did you get the login sheet out to look in their bank account but then forget about checking all the bank accounts? This just further cemented in my mind that she was NOT checking these bank accounts the way she should. I was 100% positive that all she does when logging into these bank accounts is checking the balances to give to Greg but then never checks the transactions. I know this ‘cause, 1) I’ve observed Sally only logging in to write down the balances & then logging back out (she had some flimsy excuse ready when I asked her about it), 2) there have been auto debits that appeared in bank accounts that we didn’t find for weeks until I happened to see it for some reason & guess what? She never pointed those out to us, & 3) Sally hadn’t bothered to check the bank account balances since Greg was out of town, so clearly she only felt the need to check the balances. There’s strike two for noncompliance.
& even more bad mistakes or decisions:

1. At the end of Jan, we discovered that Sally had mailed the employees’ W2s to the managers’ home addresses instead of to the offices to distribute to their employees!
   
2. We had an office that moved locations to right across the street, so the only thing that changed in their address was their street number (12 Main Street instead of 11 Main Street). I explained this to Sally & gave her an updated list of the office’s addresses. 3 weeks later, we get a call from that office saying that mail we send to them keeps going to their landlord’s house. I check the address labels Sally had created for herself. Sure enough, it had the wrong address on them. I go to grab the lease, & at the top is where the tenant’s new address is listed. & all the way at the bottom of the page in the paragraph titled “RENT” where it lists where to send the rent is the landlord’s home address. & that’s the address Sally had chosen to be the new office’s address on her address labels.
   
3. Sally hadn’t been faxing the offices to ask for bills/receipts that never made it to us.
   
4. I used the last towel on a roll of paper towels, so I went to the cabinets to grab another. We were out. Sally is in charge of keeping track of supplies that need ordering, so I go to Sally & say we’re completely out of paper towels, we need to order some. Sally response: “No one ever tells me when they grab the last roll so I know when to order them.” Um, excuse me, since when is it our job to tell you to do your job? It’s your responsibility to keep track of supplies. You should be checking the level of paper towels, toilet paper, Kleenex, etc., to see when you need to order them.
   

So, I knew she needed a second warning write up for carelessness cause of the numerous mistakes since the first warning write up in the middle of Dec, & I would be giving Sally a first warning write up for negligence cause of her not asking the offices for missing bills & not writing the info on the bills I had told her to do at the end of Nov. However, it was only a few days from Feb, which was the time for performance reviews. So, rather than doing a write up now & then in a week or so doing a performance review that was one of the worst performance reviews I’ve ever heard of, I decided to just do it in one fell swoop. You know, just get it all out of the way with one bad conversation, one bad day, & then both of us can hopefully put it behind us & move on.
I decided to do the performance review & write ups on Feb 5 (Monday). It went much smoother ‘cause Greg was there, so Sally couldn’t really give me lip or lash out by showing attitude & anger like she had previously.
On Feb 7 (Wednesday), I log in to get the transactions for an office who is switching banks. I wanted to get an updated list of outstanding checks so they know how many checks are left before they can close the old bank account. & what do I see? Someone had used the bank account to pay $100 on their AT&T bill. I call the office & find out it was actually them, so no fraud there. But I then ask Sally if she had seen that when checking the bank accounts. She said she didn’t remember. Obviously, I have found my proof that she is either not checking them or isn’t paying attention when she does. I have a discussion with Greg about it, & we decide I need to have a sit down with her about her not doing her job. She is sick on Thursday, so I plan to talk with her the next day she comes in.
On Feb 9 (Friday), I begin the conversation about checking the bank accounts & how important it is. I am planning to say things like, we expect you to do this job, you’ve been told multiple times to do this task, if you’re not going to do the job, then you’re welcome to go find another one, etc. But she cuts me off at the beginning with an excuse of, “Well, I didn’t know what I should be looking for, now I know.” & it broke me. She does this exact thing every time I have to have a conversation with her. She has an excuse ready to go on the tip of her tongue, always spins it around so it’s not actually her fault. It’s always, “Well, I didn’t know that, but now, I do.” & I was just done. I didn’t continue the conversation, even though I needed to, ‘cause I just broke down in tears from the stress of having to discipline her & knowing that nothing will ever come of it, but having our hands legally tied to be able to fire her right now. I cried nonstop for over 4 hours.
On Feb 12 (Monday), I sat down to continue the conversation, this time with a written statement for her to sign.
Me: You respond a lot of the time that you don’t know how to do things, which is very frustrating, ‘cause you’ve been shown multiple times how to do these tasks. It’s very inefficient & wasteful that I have to constantly check all of your work & retrain you on the same thing over & over again. This needs to change. This job is about accuracy & accountability.
Sally: You’re not giving me a chance to improve. I never hear “Good job,” from you. All I ever hear is, “You’re doing a bad job, sign this paper.” I get in trouble every time I ask for help, so I guess I’ll just follow the instructions & hope I’m doing it right.
The problems with that response:

1. You’ve worked here for 2 years, Sally. You’ve had plenty of time to improve.
   
2. The reason you never hear “Good job” is ‘cause you’re not doing a good job. How am I supposed to tell you “Good job,” but also need to give you a write up for doing a bad job? If you’re getting multiple write ups for doing a bad job, don’t you think that’s a sign that something is wrong? I mean, she thinks that managers should be telling their employees good job on everything they do right. No, you’re expected to do these tasks. We’re not going to congratulate you every time you do your basic job requirements like some toddler that needs constant positive reinforcement so they know that doing something right is a good thing! You will hear “Good job” when you are doing a really good job on something, when you go above & beyond!! I mean, do you think Greg tells me “Good job” when I’m just doing my job as expected?!! NO!!! I’ve never had a manager constantly tell me “Good job” all the time!!!! (Whew. Sorry about that. Kinda went on a crazy rant there. I’m good now.)
   
3. Here’s another example of her mentality of “if I don’t do the job, I can’t get in trouble for doing it wrong.” She’s going to stop asking for help instead of using the help I’ve given her to do better. I mean, if you’re making these mistakes when you ARE asking for help, how many more are you going to make when you stop asking for help? How does this make any logical sense?!
   

Well, here’s another chance for some malicious compliance. She claimed she didn’t know how to check the bank accounts, right? Well, my job as the manager is to make sure my employees know how to do their job. So, I need to sit down with her & train her how to check the bank accounts. Again. Even though I know she already knows how to do it. So, every time you tell me that the reason why you didn’t do a job is ‘cause you didn’t know how to do it right, well, we’re going to sit down & waste both our times & annoy you having to be retrained on something you do, in fact, know how to do.
Sally continues making careless mistakes & not doing stuff she doesn’t think she should have to do. Like answering the phones. It’s her job to answer the phones; that’s something I as the manager should be delegating to her. However, she never answers the phone unless I literally can’t. So, I had asked her to start answering the phone more. She will wait until the last possible second before answering the phone. By that time, it’s already rung twice, so I have to answer it before it goes on any longer or they hang up. One time, we were both away from our desks when the phone rang. We both went to answer it, but she was closer & got to her desk before me, put her hand on the phone, & watched me until I got to my desk before she picked it up. With a comment of, “Oh, (laughs) I didn’t want to make you walk all the way to your desk.” Well, you did, anyway, you little jerk.
On Feb 27, Sally asks for help on a report. She says that my note stating the office is over-deposited $28 on report 1 but fixed on report 2 by being $28 under-deposited didn’t work out. She says that they were never over by $28 in the first place. I take the report to look it over. Her calculator tape adding up the deposits shows the bank is in balance, but I don’t see deposit slips.
Me: Where are the deposit slips?
Sally: I haven’t gotten them yet.
Me: (trying to comprehend her logic) Then how do you have the deposit amounts added on this tape?
Sally: I got the amounts from the report.
Me: You…(my brain trying not to implode at this point) you can’t add up amounts to see if the bank has too much or too little money in it without knowing what was actually taken to the bank. The amounts on the report don’t always equal what was taken to the bank.
I log into the bank account & discover just that: the report says they took $500 to the bank, but their deposit says $528. They were indeed $28 over-deposited. I then lecture her (for the second time in a few months) on the correct way to account for the deposits at the bank, that we are only to use the dollar amounts on the bank’s deposit receipt. (The first time was her getting the deposit amount from what was written on the deposit slip instead of what the bank gave us credit for on their printed receipt. The bank had shorted us $500, & we never knew until her deposits didn’t work out when reconciling the bank statement at the end of the month. We were missing $500 for 4 weeks! It’s a miracle we didn’t overdraw the account.)
Another task that we do several days a week is checking the CFPB website. This is a government website that uses federal regulations to monitor financial institutions. It’s like the Better Business Bureau, but more official. Customers can make complaints through them, prompting an investigation to make sure we’re following the federal guidelines. We have 2 weeks to respond to a complaint before it is past due.
On Feb 29, Greg just happens to be looking at an email inbox that he never checks, ‘cause after all, we’re checking the CFPB website, so he doesn’t have to look there, right? There is a complaint in 2 of the portals that have been in there since Jan 22. He immediately marches out & tells Sally about them.
Greg: Aren’t you checking the CFPB sites?
Sally: Yeah, I am.
Really? Then how come you didn’t print this complaint off to give to Greg in the last 6 weeks? She came back from lunch to a second warning write up given by me for negligence.
On Mar 5 (Tuesday), we are working on reconciling the bank statements so we can close the month of Feb. Sally brings me a Jan bank statement for an office.
Sally: This never cleared in Feb.
I look at the bank statement. It’s an electronic deposit of $254 on Jan 31. I remember this. She had asked me at the beginning of Feb why this deposit wasn’t recorded on the office’s report. I explained that since it didn’t show up in the bank account until the last day of Jan, they might not have known about it before the end of the month & so recorded it on the first of Feb. We will wait until the first report of Feb. If it’s still not recorded, then we’ll bring that to the office’s attention. & here she is, clearly telling me she hadn’t brought it to anyone’s attention all month long.
Me: (staring at the bank statement as I try to prevent my autistic brain from exploding at her while also trying to prevent a spontaneous stroke) You didn’t keep track of this all month?
Sally: Well, I didn’t know if it was treated differently ‘cause it was OTBP (One Time Bill Pay, which is the electronic deposit). (Oh, what a shocker, she once again didn’t know how to do something.)
Me: But we talked about this. If it wasn’t on the first of the month, we needed to address it.
Sally: Okay, well, now I know that we treat this the same as other deposits. (goes nonchalantly back to her desk like it was no big deal, like she hadn’t just revealed she had once again disobeyed my detailed instructions)
Me: (seeing her flagrant disregard for the seriousness of the situation & wondering just how on earth she could once again think that not doing her job would have no consequences) This is exactly what Greg talks about over & over, about how we can’t leave errors like this to sit for weeks & weeks, that these need to be dealt with as they happen.
Sally: (still as easy-going as if she had simply used the wrong color highlighter) Okay, I’ll make note of that.
Now, I am getting really pissed off. She keeps saying, “Oh, now I know that OTBP is treated the same as everything else.” That doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter that you didn’t know it’s treated the same! I specifically told you to take care of it if it didn’t appear on the first of Feb! It didn’t matter what kind of deposit it was! I said to tell me if it wasn’t on the first of Feb!
Now, this was right before she leaves at 3:30, so by the time I’m finished with my text conversation with Greg (‘cause he isn’t there that afternoon), she has already left. But I’m telling Greg that I have once again caught her being negligent, & she’s already had 2 written warnings about this, which means our next step is letting her go. Not to mention, her carelessness is still continuing. He said that he supports my decision to let her go. By the way, the final decision happened an hour after she left. If I had known before she left that we were indeed going to fire her, I would have done it before she left so she didn’t have to come all the way to work in the morning just to leave again.
So, on Mar 6 (Wednesday), I arrive early to work so I can be prepared. I am standing at my desk, watching her come in. This is unusual, so she frowns as she approaches me.
Me: Sally, we need to talk.
Sally: (still frowns at me)
Me: (handing her the typed up notice) We are going to read this together. “When reconciling the month of Jan, around Feb 5, it was brought to my attention that we had a deposit that hadn’t been reconciled. I gave you instructions to wait a report to see if it works out. If not, you would need to bring it to mine & the office’s attention for further instructions. This wasn’t done. It wasn’t until Mar 5 that you brought this to my attention again. You have been told many times the importance of reconciling the financials of the office. You have been warned several times of negligence. This is another example of negligence with respect to your job. All you had to do was follow my instructions. It is for this reason that it is now time to terminate your employment.”
Sally: When did you tell me to do this?
Me: (thinking, “Um, I kinda just told you when I told you do that, but, okay.”) When you showed me the Jan bank statement—
Sally: Yesterday?!
Me: You showed me the Jan bank statement a month ago when you were reconciling Jan. I told you to wait for the first of Feb & then—
Sally: You did no such thing!
Me: Yes, I did, Sally.
Sally: When does Greg get here?
Me: Around 9, like usual.
Sally: I’m calling him, ‘cause this is ridiculous. You’ve had it out for me from the very beginning.
Me: No, I haven’t.
Sally: Yeah, you have. Just like the other 2. (sets her bags at the front door, goes outside, & calls Greg)

1. How could I have had it out for you from the very beginning when we didn’t have problems for the first year & a half you worked here? If I’d had it out for you from the beginning, you wouldn’t have had a job the past 6 months. Need I remind you what Greg told you about the timesheet thing being something we fire someone for on the spot, but that Molly had gone to bat for you & gave you a second chance? Why would I have done that if I had wanted you gone from the start?
   
2. “Just like the other 2.” She’s talking about Irene (who had left in Feb 2023) & another employee (who we’ll call Phil). Phil had been fired (by Greg, by the way) for continuing to watch movies on his phone at his desk despite being told multiple times by Greg to not do that. & Irene? She wasn’t fired. She gave her 2 weeks’ notice. & we then discovered when going through the work she’s been doing as we started taking over her tasks that she didn’t just not do jobs. She would actually forge the work so she wouldn’t have to work. “A bank imbalance of $2.65? Well, I’ll just add it to the imbalance that’s been building up for who knows how many months & just label it as an over-deposit from the end of the month. That way, I don’t have to look into why the bank isn’t balancing.” But no, I had it out for them, apparently.
   
3. Does she really think that calling Greg was gonna reverse my firing her? Does she really think I would do something as drastic as writing her up or firing her without discussing it with my supervisor first? Did she really think I would do this behind his back?
   

Apparently, she did, ‘cause Greg confirmed that Sally tried telling him about all the stuff I’ve been doing to her as if he didn’t know. She hung up on him when he explained that he’s been told everything as it happens & he supports this decision.
Sally: (storming back into the office & towards her desk) I’m not signing anything.
Me: Ok.
Sally begins packing up her desk. I had known she kept a lot of personal items at the office, so I had gotten a big box or 2 out & placed them nearby for her to use to pack up her desk.
Me: We can give you a box if you need it.
Sally: I don’t need sh** from you guys.
Me: The only thing we’ll need is your office key.
Sally: You’ll get it when you get it. I’m packing my desk.
Me: Ok.
I go back to work, keeping an eye on her as she packs to make sure she doesn’t take anything she’s not supposed to or damage any company property. Sally at some point decides to use the boxes she didn’t want from us to pack up her many items. She takes both boxes to the front door where her bags are & sets them down to put the last of her things in. She picks up one box to take outside.
Sally: You are the worst manager ever. (goes out the door)
Me: (shrug)
Sally: (comes back in for the final box) Seriously, you’re the most evil person I’ve ever met. (leaves)
Really? I rank worse than the guy that beat you up? I’m worse than him?
I continued watching her to see if she’s going to come back to give up her office key. As she packed up her car, another employee had arrived (we’ll call him Randy). He had run into her on the way in & asks me if Sally quit. I explained, no, she was let go. I then see that Sally has gotten behind the wheel of her car without coming back to give us the office key.
Me: Well, I guess we’ll just change the locks.
Randy then takes it upon himself to go out to her car. He phrased it very gently by saying he wanted to spare her having to come back in to turn the key in.
Sally: I guess Molly didn’t have the balls to do it herself. (hands the key over)
& then…she was gone. Despite having to do the entire corporate office’s work all by myself & falling steadily behind little by little, I have never been more happy. I had forgotten how much I loved my job & how much I couldn’t wait to get to work. I haven’t been this stress-free in 6 months, & it feels fantastic! & the great part is, I’m not really falling as far behind as I expected to without her. Having to do 2 people’s jobs by myself is only affecting me a little. Really goes to show you how bad she was for the company & for my job when she disrupted everything that much. For example, me & her would get through maybe 5 to 6 offices’ reports between us in a single day when playing catch up after closing the previous month. One day? I caught up on 10 offices’ reports in a single day. By myself.
Oh, did I mention she smoked marijuana most days on her way to work or while on her lunch break? We could never actually prove it. But, come on, you don’t smell that strongly of marijuana on only select days if you aren’t smoking it recently. If it was leftover from the smell of your house or car, you would smell like that every day. But it was only some days she would come into work or back from lunch smelling like that. Obviously, smoking on the job. So very glad to be rid of her & her awful skunk smell. Although, I do wish her well on a new job search. I don’t wish ill on anyone, ever. But I am just glad she’s no longer my problem to deal with.
(Added 2 months after she was fired): By the way, I am actually gaining on my work. I’m not only not behind on my work, I’m actually getting it done soon enough to work on extra stuff. Also, out of the blue, we’ve started getting about 3 to 4 sales & scam calls every day since Sally left (for things like better Medicare benefits, better retirement benefits, & even one time recently where “Walgreens” was calling to ask if I still had diabetes). I’m convinced Sally signed us up for calls as retaliation. I hope they die down soon, especially as they are starting to get rude. (Our response to every one of these is “Sorry, this is a business.” This one guy responded to me with, “This is my job.” I said, “I understand this is your job, but this is a business. I am not allowed to take personal calls.” He said, “Why?” I said very slowly & firmly, “Because I’m working!” He started to say, “Can you explain to me why—” I hung up. Jerk.)

Oh, boy, Charlotte, do I have a doozy for you. It’s such a doozy that it comes in 2 parts. I guess it would qualify as petty revenge, since that’s the only flair that fit, but it’s more of an entitled Karen story.
For the sake of telling the story a little smoother, I'm going to explain some things up front. I (female, early 30s; let's call me Molly) am the manager in the accounting office of a very small loan company. Like, really small. We have less than 30 offices with only 2 employees at each office. For this reason, we are kind of low-tech, old-fashioned. I'm talking paper timesheets that get faxed to our office (we're also the corporate office that handles the payroll). Our office hours are 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. with a half-hour lunch. Me & my employee (who we'll call Sally) work this shift. Our boss (who we'll call Greg) is the owner & CEO. He works in the office starting at 9:00 a.m. till whenever he leaves for the day. Most of the time, that's around the time we leave, sometimes it's earlier due to errands he needs to run.
So, in Oct 2022, Sally (female, early 30s) gave us a note that her doctor wants to have daily appointments with her indefinitely. She let us know she would need to leave at 3:30 every day. Greg granted that request & even gave her the opportunity to come in early so she didn't miss any of her 8 hours each day. So, she began coming to work between 6:45 & 7:00 & would take however long of a lunch she needed to so she would have an 8-hour day.
Due to a combination of our fiscal year-end work in Oct & Nov 2022, playing catch-up from Dec 2022 to Feb 2023, & the other coworker (who we'll call Irene) leaving the company in Feb 2023 so we had to play catch-up again for several months before we got used to the bigger workload, I hadn't been able to pay too close attention to Sally's work. But in the middle of Aug 2023, I began to suspect her. I realized that the tasks Sally had in the morning would usually take me an hour & a half to do, which meant I would be relatively finished by the time I would arrive at 8:30. Sally, on the other hand, would only have stuff halfway done. Now, I knew Sally worked slower than me since I knew the job better than she did, but this still seemed very slow. I began to suspect Sally was either not arriving as early as she said she was (she was the only one in the office before 8:30) or she was arriving on time but wasn't working.
On Aug 21 (Monday), I decided to come in early to the office since I had to make up time due to a doctor appointment later in the week. So, I arrived at work at 6:40. 6:45 rolled around...no Sally. 6:50...no Sally. 7:00...same thing. Sally arrived at 7:20. Now, ok, maybe she ran into traffic. However, that's a bit of a coincidence that the one day I show up early unannounced is also the day she happens to be late. But I waited to see what time Sally would write down on the timesheet. However, she didn't write down her time until Tuesday right before she left. She had written down that she had arrived at 7:05. I asked her about it, and her response was "I must have copied it down wrong from my spreadsheet." That's strange, 'cause you hadn't arrived at 7:05 any other day that week. Just where did you copy it down from?
Now, I am curious as to what time Sally puts down when she believes no one has seen what time she arrives. So, for Sept 4-15, I would arrive in the parking lot across the street & read a book & eat breakfast while I wait to see what time Sally would arrive. Every single day, she would arrive around 7:15 or 7:20, but would write down 6:45 or 6:50, a half hour discrepancy every single day. & we have no way of knowing how long she's been stealing a half hour every day. She could have been doing this for the past year since her schedule changed.
On Sept 18, I write down Sally's actual times from these 2 weeks on a paper & tell her to correct all the times I indicated. Sally says that she will use the office clock to write down her times from now on. Wait a minute, you're saying that your phone is a half hour earlier than the rest of the world? But only when you arrive at work. When you go to lunch & leave work, it matches the rest of the clocks. & then switches during the night so your arrival time can be wrong again the next day? Wow, that's a pretty glitchy phone you got there.
On Sept 20 after Sally left, I installed a camera that connects to an app in my phone. I put the camera in a place where it wouldn't be able to see any computers/paperwork & turned off the microphone (I didn't want to risk any company info being seen/heard). I only needed to see when Sally arrived. Where I ended up placing it, I was able to see Sally where she sat at her desk.
On three of the following days, Sally would arrive 10 to 15 minutes after the time she would write down. I speak with Greg about this, & we decide to write her up. By the way, usually when an employee is caught forging the timesheet like this, it's an immediate termination. At any other office, she would have gotten fired in the beginning of Sept after I first discovered the half hour forgery. I am deciding to give her a chance to make this whole thing right.
On Sept 26 (Tuesday), I give Sally the write up when she arrives.
Sally: I'll sign it, but I don't know why. I mean, I get here at 7:00. (Ok, there's a sign right there. Who signs an official write up when their employer is lying or setting them up?)
Me: I've observed you arriving between 7:10 & 7:15.
Sally reads the write up & then keeps it at her desk for a bit after signing it. After plenty of time, I ask for it back. She grabs it, so I lean forward & hold my hand out (our desks are right next to each other), but Sally flings it at my desk. The whole thing is made better by the fact that Greg is out of town Tuesday thru Thursday. So, Sally proceeds to be angry & have an attitude all the way through Thursday. She refuses to talk or answer the phones. She does that tossing/flicking-papers-around, aggressive-typing, heavily-setting-things-down thing people do when they're frustrated or angry (which she did all...day...long). She sped out of the parking lot & down the street so fast that I could hear her engine rev & tires squeal from inside the building.
On Sept 27 (Wednesday), Sally is still doing that slamming things thing. I enjoy not responding to her whatsoever. I could see out of the corner of my eye that she would slam something down & look at me. I wouldn't give any kind of reaction, wouldn't look at her, & it would piss her off. Sally would then start slamming things around again. I admit, that was fun.
On Sept 28 (Thursday), I see on the camera that Sally arrives at 7:00, but then I watch her sit on her phone for 45 minutes! She is still having attitude issues, &—unbelievably—is still slamming things. After she leaves for the day, I then see the calendar that Sally keeps on her desk as I was passing by. On the box for Sept 26 (the day she was written up), she had written the words "F***ING JOKE!". The audacity of her to write that in plain view of everyone in the office & think she wouldn't get in trouble for it.
On Sept 29 (Friday), Sally arrives at 7:00 but sits on her phone for 30 minutes WHILE VAPING! (Not sure about other cities or states, but it's illegal to smoke or vape inside a building in the city where our office is.) But Greg is back this day, & I had been texting him what's been going on. He had texted back he wanted to do a meeting on Friday. So, the 3 of us go into the breakroom for a meeting.
Greg: So, Sally, what's been going on with this timesheet thing?
Sally: I just, I forget to write down the time when I arrive.
Greg: Ok, well, whether it's done on purpose or through negligence, we can't have wrong times on the timesheet. So, from now on, you won't be able to come to work before Molly gets here at 8:30. Now, are there any other problems you'd like to discuss with us?
Sally: (begins getting worked up) I just, I feel like I can't talk to her. She creates such a hostile work environment.
Now, I am blown away. Me? Hostile? I'm autistic, so I'm naturally shy & hate socializing, so I usually don't talk to anyone very much. Everyone I tell this story to, their eyes widen when I mention this, 'cause there's no way anyone would ever describe me as hostile.
Luckily, Greg interrupts her to defend me: This isn't a hostile work environment.
Sally: (backpedaling) Well, I mean, she gets mad at her printer & bangs on it, & that just flashes me back to stuff. I mean, I'm trying to work on myself & the anxiety, & she just sends me back.
Oh, so now, we're claiming we have PTSD & that my "violent" actions are giving her flashbacks? Um, who is it laughing right along with me every time my printer jams? (By the way, I know she's lying about the PTSD, 'cause I have a couple friends with PTSD & recognize the signs. Sally doesn't show any sign of fear or panic or shrinking away from things, nothing like that. There are no signs whatsoever of her being alarmed by anything I do.) Oh, not to mention the double standards. You're allowed to slam things around (for 3 straight days, by the way), but I'm not?
Anyway, we wrap up the meeting after Greg underlines (for Sally's benefit) that everyone in the office needs to get along.
On Oct 2 (the next Monday), I had a good drive & happened to get there at 8:20. Sally arrives at 8:25 & comes in, stopping at my desk.
Sally: (annoyed) Are you gonna be early all week?
Me: (frowning & caught off-guard) Um, I don't know. It just depends how long my drive takes.
Sally: (with a snarky attitude) 'Cause I had to keep driving around waiting for you, so if you're gonna be early, I'd like to know.
Ok, first of all, no one is forcing you to drive around. You can park your car in the parking lot. Do you really think we're gonna fire you for sitting in the parking lot while you wait for me? We only said you couldn't come in & work before I do. & second, it's none of your business when I get to work. My shift starts at 8:30, therefore, you should aim for 8:30, just like Greg told you to do. How am I supposed to predict the exact minute I get to work? & you're gonna get angry at me 'cause I didn't show up before my shift starts? Since when is it a requirement of mine to come into work before I start working?
Well, a bit of malicious compliance in this entitled story: if I can see I'm going to arrive at work more than 5 minutes early, I stop at the store just down the road & shop until 8:30. 'Cause guess what? Sally gets there who knows how early & sits in the gas station across the street, waiting for me. Fine, you wanna be that way? I can be petty, too.
By the way, Sally has a radio talk show she listens to from before I get to work until it ends at 10:00. I'm not into talk shows, but it wasn't too annoying (most of the time), so I didn't say anything about it. The reason why I started having a problem listening to it was that they would get into inappropriate things (s** toy review, for example). It made me super uncomfortable when they did segments like this. From the moment Sally was written up, she started only listening to the show on her headphones, thinking she was punishing me by me not getting to hear the show. Joke's on her. Sally did me a favor by not having to listen to that thing.
Sally was also told that she is no longer allowed to take smoke breaks on the clock. As no one else in the office takes breaks but chooses to work through them, this change would be made so all employees were equal now. But here’s the interesting thing: Sally suddenly stopped taking smoke breaks at all, but her bathroom breaks grew more numerous & longer. When she had been taking smoke breaks, the alarm on her phone would go off at specific times, such as 2:00. She would then go outside to take her smoke break. After the on-the-clock-smoke-break privilege was taken away, the same alarms would go off, such as 2:00. She would then disappear to the bathroom for 15 minutes. & I even smelled smoke in there when I went in there right after one of these long bathroom breaks.
Ever since the write up, there’s been attitude every once in a while. Most of the time, I have no idea what it is I did that could possibly have set her off that day. All I know is that Sally’s suddenly slamming things around again (hmm, PTSD cured now, is it?). & she’s still constantly making mistakes (like she’s always done).
On Nov 27, Sally is working on the Funding (loan proceeds funded onto a customer’s debit card). What we do is get the list of customers, determine how much the office funded that customer, transfer the money from the office’s bank account to the holding account, & then transfer the total from the holding account to the account that directly funds the debit cards to replenish the money. We had two customers with similar names (say, John Smith & Jack Smith). Sally hadn’t paid attention to the whole name & had applied John’s $0 funding to Jack. However, Jack had been funded $250. So, that money was missed, & I had to make a separate transfer for it.
On Dec 4, Sally is working on the Funding & writes down $0 for a customer. But the report from the office says he actually got $96.
On Dec 8 & 9, we discovered 2 checks that were supposed to be sent to our office (one from Oct, one from Sept). Neither had been cashed, & neither had ever reached us, even though we had the rest of the paperwork that would have come with those checks. Due to the dots I had connected, I had a pretty strong hunch that Sally wasn’t thoroughly checking the mail envelopes to make sure they’d been completely emptied before they got thrown away. I believed these checks were still in some envelopes that were then thrown away by Sally.
On Dec 11, on the bank reconciliation sheets we work at the end of the month (like balancing a checkbook), one of Sally’s offices was out of balance by $68, & she couldn’t find it. I couldn’t find it, either. I pulled out the one done for the month before. I couldn’t find it there, either. But I did notice one thing. The checks that hadn’t cleared the bank yet didn’t add up to the total amount of outstanding checks Sally had written down. By $68. I go back to the month before that one. There were a total of $68 in old checks that never got cashed & therefore should have gotten written off on the fiscal year-end at the end of Oct. But she hadn’t transferred them to the new month’s sheet. So, now, we have to hold onto them for a whole year to write off next Oct.
The same day, I went through all the offices to double check the GL codes that we post the expense checks to (GL codes determine where an expense gets coded, e.g., post an electricity payment to the GL code for utilities). The day previously, Sally had gotten several GL codes incorrect in the Miller office. She had forgotten to change the codes from the one for the Checkbook to the ones for the expense account. She had caught those ones since it affected the balance of the Checkbook, so I had helped her fix those properly. However, there were expense checks sent to a GL code that wasn’t the right one that Sally hadn’t caught.
I talk with Greg, as I feel that every time I turn around, I am either retraining Sally on stuff I’ve trained her on multiple times, I’m correcting mistakes on stuff Sally should know how to do by now (‘cause again, I’ve trained her multiple times), or I’m disciplining Sally about stuff she’s doing wrong. Greg asks how many mistakes due to carelessness she’s made in the last 2 weeks. I check my notes & tell him 4. He says that’s too excessive for an accounting office. We need to write her up.
So, I made the write up, but I just know I’m going to be dealing with the same attitude as the last time I had to write her up. & guess what? Greg’s out of town till Thursday again. I used my phone this time to record the audio of the interaction. That way, if Sally has attitude towards me again, I’m able to play the recording to Greg so he can hear what Sally’s like when he’s not here (which is why the following conversation is pretty much word for word).
On Dec 12 (Tuesday), I sat her down first thing.
Me: So, in the past couple weeks, I’ve noticed some errors happening due to carelessness, & they’ve become a bit excessive for an accounting office. The most important thing in an accounting office is accuracy. That’s why we focus so much on thoroughness & attention to detail. So, whatever needs to happen to lessen those errors, whether it’s slowing the pace of the work itself or double & triple-checking the work before it’s finished, it needs to happen. For example, when I work the payroll, after I get the total for all the offices, I then subtract each person’s individual hours to double check my entries. That way, if there is an error, at least I know it wasn’t ‘cause I was going too fast or not paying attention or something. So, whatever you need to do to decrease the mistakes, please—
Sally: What errors are we talking about?
Me: I have a page here with the items from the last couple weeks. (hand her the write up)
Sally: (reads the pages for a minute) Ok…
Me: So, whatever you need to do to—
Sally: (talking quickly ‘cause she’s pissed now) I’m gonna need more time & focus strictly on Funding. I don’t wanna touch mail, I don’t wanna touch anything else. I wanna focus strictly on that. ‘Cause I’m getting 80 plus a day (which was a lie, we never get nearly that much), & now, I’m gonna start getting in trouble if it’s not 110%. I am human. I will make mistakes. So, if that’s not allowed, then…(shrugs) let me know, I guess. I’ll talk to Greg & I guess figure something out. I am human, & I am gonna make mistakes, A. B, I feel like crap. He (Greg) has been in here sick the last week. I caught whatever he has. I’ve been hacking. I’ve been sicker than sh** the last week. I am trying. You guys usually have until the 12th to close the month. Since I’ve worked here, I’ve closed before the 8th. Yeah, I made mistakes. I told you I made a mistake on the Miller office. I knew what happened. So, to throw it in my face again that I already made that mistake is kinda rude, but…(shrugs) I’m actually kinda shocked to see that on there.
Me: Well, you did catch the errors involving the Checkbook, but there were other mistakes on that office that you didn’t catch, & that’s the reason that was listed on there.
Sally goes back to her work, & I decide to not ask her to sign the write up I had given her right away since she was diving right into the Funding. She had expressed she wanted to focus solely on it to minimize mistakes. I wanted to use positive reinforcement to convey that this was good behavior & good thinking, so I decided to wait for her to finish before asking her to sign & return the write up.
Now, here’s the issues with her little outburst above.

1. Sally is complaining that she’s human & makes mistakes & we’re not allowing mistakes. We’re not saying that she can’t make mistakes, ‘cause she’s right. Everyone makes mistakes; I make mistakes. What we’re saying is that she’s making mistakes much too often.
   
2. Sally says the reason for these mistakes the last 2 weeks is ‘cause she’s been sick the last week or so ‘cause she caught what Greg had (do you see the timing problem there?). Also, these kinds of mistakes have been happening for months & months. I only brought these examples up ‘cause they were recent.
   
3. Sally pointed out the fact that she closes each month really quick. We don’t care how fast things get done. Our goal isn’t to get things done quickly but to get things done accurately. If we happen to get it done quickly, that’s just a bonus. We would rather things go slow than to have errors causing problems or costing us money ‘cause we didn’t take the time to make sure it was correct.
   
4. Sally states it’s rude that I’m throwing her error back in her face (you already know my reaction to that). She obviously doesn’t know how a job works. Just ‘cause we discussed this error already doesn’t mean it can’t go on the write up. This is just one of the examples that required us to do a write up. We’re not doing this ‘cause we want to write you up or that we’re looking for excuses to get you in trouble. We’re doing our job. If a situation needs correcting, we have to correct it. We can’t just ignore it. & obviously, me talking about your errors all these months hasn’t helped. You’re still making the same mistakes. So, now, we’ve had to escalate to a write up on paper.
   

Sally doesn’t say another word. She, as expected, starts doing her tossing-things-‘cause-I’m-pissed-off thing. I just go back to my work. I’ve said my piece, now we can put it behind us & move on.
Now, we have until 10:30 to make the transfers for this Funding program in order to get the money back to the account the same day. We are still missing the paperwork for 2 customers from an office. (FYI, when we’re missing paperwork, we call the office & ask them to fax it. If we still don’t get it when it gets close to the transfer deadline, we call again & just ask for the amount to get it done.) So, at 10:20, Sally turns to me.
Sally: What do I do for these 2 customers? Do I just skip them?
Me: (frowning) Do what you usually do when you don’t have the paperwork in time. Call the office—
Sally: (in a sharp tone) I did. (she’s assuming I mean call the office to tell them to fax it)
Me: (ignoring her attitude outburst) Call up the office & ask for the dollar amounts.
Sally: But I don’t want to write down the amount without seeing the actual paperwork. If I’m gonna get in trouble for errors now, I don’t want to take down what could be the wrong dollar amount over the phone. I mean, I think that’s only fair to me.
Me: In the instances that were mentioned, they weren’t cases of taking down an amount over the phone. They were instances where we had paperwork or a report to see the amount. We would never write you up if there was a possibility that the office gave you the wrong amount over the phone.
Sally stares at me for a second & turns back to her desk. I turn back to my own work as Sally then calls up the office. I had to deal with her attitude the rest of the day: throwing mail into the mailbox, throwing open the letter folding machine so it made a big bang on the table. I was trying to still be the usual friendly, professional person I am at work; I told her “See you tomorrow” & everything. Sally wouldn’t talk to me unless she had to.
This is when I discovered that Sally has a habit of lashing out at me when she gets in trouble. The first write up involved her trying to drag me under the bus by claiming I’m hostile. This time, it was more personal. See, we do a Christmas gift exchange at the office; we each buy each other a gift. I had searched over & over trying to find something Sally would like. I finally found this desk calendar with gnomes on it (she likes both of these things), so I got it & a couple small items. I open my gift from Sally, & among a few cheap little things, I found…Sally’s own nearly empty bottle of nail polish remover. Wow, this is the thanks I get for not firing you back in Sept with the whole timesheet forgery thing?
& this is where I leave you until Part 2, the conclusion.

I have been leasing a Nissan Kicks for the last 19 months. I have 17 months left of payments equaling $388 a month or $6500 to pay off. I have really been wanting an electric car.
I have found a 2015 Ford Focus electric at my Nissan dealership 45k miles for $9000. Rolling in my negative equity equals out to $15500 although they mentioned there may be a rebate of $3000. I could pay that off in under a year.
My son works for Lexus and thinks that is a terrible decision as the risk of owning the vehicle is high. He wants me to lease a new Toyota BZ4X which start at $240 a month. I would need to again roll over the negative equity so my payment would actually be closer to $450.
My commute is less than 20 miles round trip. I’m not a huge car guy although I do really like fancy tech in my vehicles. The Ford does not have Apple Car Play which would be a negative but otherwise was fine to drive.
So option A I get a car I own and would probably drive for at least 5 years or more (although maybe not, I do get bored of my vehicles frequently which is why I tried leasing). Option B I get a new vehicle and don’t have to worry about maintenance at all but don’t own it.
Monthly income $13000 Mortgage $3100 Wife’s car $700 (should be paid off in 1.5 years) My current car $388 Utilities (internet, trash, water, electric) $500 Phone $200 Horse $540 Groceries $1000 Car insurance $185 School loans $171 (should be paid off in under 2 years) Patio loan $415 (should be paid off in under 3 years) Line of credit $250 (will be paid off in 4 months) Solar panels $175 (unsure is I’ll pay them off or sell with the house - we plan on saving up to build a new home over the next 10 years).
We are pushing to pay off debt and just finished paying off our credit cards of $32k over the last year. However we also want to enjoy our current life so we are not cutting bare bones (still eat out, go on vacations, etc).
Do I go with option A, option B, or just stay with my current lease.

Hello Sub,
I recently saw the posts on Ishizuchi on this sub reddit and was excited to test the same. Unfortunately the window to enrol was closed. But, I got their prototype box and 3 launched fragrance testers by paying 1200/- and have taken my own sweet time testing it.
Here I am sharing only my honestly, unbiased opinion on how I felt about the prototypes in their box. Please note that these are my opinion and may be subjective. I am not for or against the company and have not received any compensation whatsoever for writing this.
Ishizuchi

1. Jinko - Opening is harsh and abrasive like. But it slowly starts to smell like TF Ombre Leather, but heavier on the spices. It's like TF Ombre Leather and Vicktor spicebomb had a baby. Not my type. 5/10.
   
2. Yume - Another harsh opener. Airy and sweet feminine fragrance. Not offensive at all. Smells like a new book in the dry down but much sweeter. Mildly spicy which is enjoyable. Smells like a reception of a luxury spa in the coastline of Bali, but stronger in the middle. And an expensive dessert with coconut milk in it after it completely dries down. Loved this. 8.5/10
   
3. Sei - I got a lot of incense at the opening with underlying leather notes on this one. The leather definitely gets more noticeable as it dries down. It's got a unique smell to it but not everyone may enjoy this. It tries hard to be a YSL Tux. A very faint note of sandalwood was observed after almost 30 mins of spraying it which was enjoyable. But I doubt it's probably the incense playing a trick on my mind. 6/10
   
4. Tsuki - A super sexy and rich fruit salad with musk and topped with a ton of peach in the opening. The opening on this one was one of the most enjoyable amongst all. Jasmine is the highlight of the fragrance and for a good reason. It makes it more enjoyable. Feels like an evening walk in Jasmine gardens somewhere in Korea. This is my favourite of all even though it's feminine. 9/10
   
5. Shio - A strong citrus in the opening and dries down to being slightly leathery that's not enjoyable. Fresh spices in the middle open up really well and try to save the fragrance but somehow don't succeed. Unlike the beginning it smells nice after it dries down completely. Bitter Nutty accord comes up and makes it much more pleasant to enjoy. 6/10
   
6. Kizuna - The peppers (Fresh spices) in the opening are bright. It smells like a gin cocktail once I had in Bangalore but with nice spices added to it. Drydown is a Xerox copy of rasai hawas but not as sweet. Personally, this one is more enjoyable compared to Hawas. 9/10
   
7. Tabako - A high quality scent that smells like a spice drying yard in southern Karnataka on a spring afternoon. Pepper on this one is one of the best I have smelled and really enjoyable. But has lesser character with it dries down. Maybe there is nutmeg in this one and it's not working it's best. I also sighted get a turmeric smelling note when it dries down which I personally find enjoyable. I smell iris in this after about 45 mins and it just is so so good. 8/10
   
8. Hana - A sweet berry opening welcomes you and takes you on a long walk into the Invictus garden. Smells really high quality in the dry down. If you like the PR Invictus line of fragrance, you may like this one too. Dries down again to feel a lot like Invictus or Hawas. 6/10
   
9. Mizu - Citrus heavy, airy, fresh and slightly Woody fragrance that has a very bubblegummy middle to it. It's very fresh but very bubble gummy. Smells like a restaurant cooking Thai lemon soup and cotton candy together. 8/10
   
10. Ishi - A cardamom heavy opening is warm and enjoyable. The spices overpower the attempt of this fragrance trying to be fresh and uplifting. The notes seem like they are wrestling each other rather than being in harmony. But the dry down is so so enjoyable with citruses taking over with a sweet berry nuance. Confused with this one. Works for me for now. A rich Asian in his lexus would want this as his daily use. 8/10
    

The packaging was exceptional and design language was elegant. The response from the seller over WhatsApp was instant and enjoyable.
The quality of all the fragrances in the box was fine. None of them felt cheap like a few of the middle eastern clone houses does. Some notes that were not enjoyable might have felt odd but I can vouch that the quality even there was better than many of the brands that are cloning the deigners and nice perfume makers.
Lastly,I wish the best for the new venture and hope fraggeads get a good brand that they can explore and bank on in the near future. :)

This last week I took care of pets (dog walks for the two dogs & drop ins for the two cats).
TL;DR: I walked dogs and took care of two cats for a guy who was gone for a week. The animals were friendly but looked like they could use some basic vet care (shots, de-wormer, flea treatment). But the apartment was NASTY. How do I leave a review for this person/experience?
The Long Story: I did the initial Meet & Greet and was appalled at the apartment (pungent, unpleasant smells - animal smells), dried no-telling (cat vomit?) in various places on the furniture and carpet, kitchen was a mess... then he opens his refrigerator to show me the dog food and it's horrifying - sticky, brown goo on a lot of stuff, meat in a package that is leaking and hasn't been cleaned up... literally the nastiest home I've ever been in. I felt dirty just being in that apartment.
I met the dogs, who were together in the same kennel in a bedroom: a smaller husky and a corgi/blue heeler mix (corgi body, heeler color). He let them out so I could meet them and the corgi mix was excited, friendly, jumping on me (ouch, claws). The husky was very shy and timid and wouldn't let me touch her. The client said he'd only had her a few months and that he thinks she was abused because she's so scared around people.
This person was going to be gone for a week. The dogs were to stay in their kennel while I wasn't there; meanwhile, remember he's only booked me for one 30-minute dog walking session per day. I expressed my concern that the dogs would be locked up in their kennel for 23 hours a day and suggested he board them, either with a Rover sitter who does that (I cannot) or with a boarding service. He wasn't interested in that, and finally mentioned that the did have another friend who would be coming over in the afternoons to check on the dogs. He was like, "I have to keep them in the kennel while I'm not home because otherwise they'll pee and poop on the floor. I tried keeping Jade (corgi) just free in a room but she did this to the door" then proceeds to show me a door that was, and I am not exaggerating here, half a door. Dog had (supposedly) completely destroyed the bottom half of the door, up to like the doorknob. So dog(s) aren't house trained and also appear to be bored/anxious when the owner leaves. Great.
He couldn't tell me how much I should feed them. I asked, he showed me their food (some kind of special refrigerated fresh food subscription thing), canned wet food, and dry food. He just said, "Whatever you think" which is weird, folks. It's weird. He finally said he is trying to put weight on the husky (she was super skinny) and so he just feeds them however much they want. Just... idk.
I asked him about his vet, to which he replied he just "goes to whichever vet is available" when he needs something. I asked if the dogs were spayed, he said no. He also mentioned they had had shots a year ago (I'm guessing just the corgi had had shots a year ago, since he'd already said the husky he'd only had for a few months), but that he hadn't gotten them to the vet yet this year for their yearly shots.
Initially this person contacted me to just do dog walks (which I'm realizing now he probably should have booked me as drop ins and asked me to walk the dogs? I'm not really sure...), but I notice he has two cats as well. I asked him if he intended for me to take care of the cats. He was like, "Oh could you? That would be great." I said I could but that I would charge for that, which he was okay with. He asked me to show him how to add the cats to the dog walks and I had to walk him through how to even get to his profile on Rover on his iPad. He offered the iPad to me to let me navigate and I refused to touch it - it seemed as nasty as the apartment - crusty. I asked about litter boxes and he said "Oh don't worry about it, it'll be fine for a week" - it's two cats (I didn't find the second litter box until the last day I visited, so thought it was just one litter box the whole time), and that also seemed off to me. I did scoop the one litter box I knew about a few times just because I felt bad for the cat.
In my M&Gs, I always get the person's actual phone number but tell them that this is only for emergency purposes, if the Rover app is down or if I can't get a hold of them through the app, and that I always use the app to communicate. I told that thing to this guy. Who then proceeded to just text me stuff throughout his absence. I said something to him once about communicating through the app but he never would so I gave up. He would ask me to do things from time to time, from normal things like "Hey can you check to make sure the AC is on?" to odder things like "Would you turn on my playstation?" and "Would you make sure the hexagon lights are on?" smh
I probably shouldn't have taken the booking, but I did, and after the second day maybe I noticed what looked like worms in the dogs' stool. The corgi was very itchy, so I'm assuming fleas or something. I wrote messages every day after the dog walk and the cat drop in and mentioned the worms and the possibility of fleas and suggested, nicely, that he get them to the vet when he return. Long story short, the animals seemed loved and mostly cared for, but it seemed like either the guy didn't know how to care for animals or... I don't know. I kept thinking to myself, "They have a better life here than in a shelter. They have a better life here than in a shelter."
The rainbow in this horrible experience: the husky, initially extremely scared of me, started to trust me and show me her real personality and was an absolute doll the last few days I was there. I loved gaining her trust!
My main question is: How do I, or should I, leave a review for this person?

So, here is part 2 of my entitled employee story. We left off with discovering Sally’s retaliation of giving me trash as a Christmas gift after her latest write-up.
So, the next several weeks, I am noticing more problems, but here’s some of the highlights.

1. Ever since we had issues of the office’s checks going randomly missing, Sally had apparently decided to just stop throwing any envelope away when opening the mail. She would supposedly search the envelopes/paperwork & then keep the envelopes with the paperwork. So, instead of doing her job better, she would decide to just stop doing the job at all. After all, you can’t get in trouble for screwing it up if you aren’t doing it, right? However, this resulted in items getting left with the paperwork (which sometimes wouldn’t get touched for several weeks due to being busy) that had needed to be collected or addressed right away.
   
2. Sally’s careless mistakes continued at about the same rate (average of 2 to 3 a week). She would put deposit slips/emails with the wrong office’s report, put one office’s mail in another office’s bin, put one office’s funding papers in another office’s bin, put one office’s bills in the folder for their correspondence & vice versa, put one office’s bills in the folder for another office’s bills, put the new month’s bills in the folder without taking out the old month’s bills so they would get mixed up. I could go on & on.
   
3. Sally would still ask for help on things she shouldn’t need help on anymore, ‘cause I had helped her many times on items exactly like it in the 2 years she’s worked here. I mean, the whole point of asking for help when learning new things on a job is so you can take the input you’re given & use it to get better at the job so you don’t have to ask for help anymore. I mean, what kind of office works by their employees constantly needing to be walked through everything every day? Sally would even ask for help on things no one would need to ask for help on. For example, she asked me, “An office took a deposit to the bank without showing it on their report. How do I write that up in the letter to fax to them?” Um, exactly what you just said to me. Or another time, she asks how long she should wait before calling an office back. Well, how long do you think you should give them? Just use your good judgment. You don’t need help with that! Again, you’ve been here 2 years!
   

On Jan 26, I take the Dec bills, correspondence faxes, & timesheets out of their folders to scan them into the computer. Now, one thing the bills should always have on them are the check number used to pay for this purchase & the date it was paid. The offices themselves are supposed to write this on there, but they don’t always, which is why it is our job to write it on there if it’s missing. I had noticed when I scanned Nov’s bills around Nov 30 that a lot of Sally’s offices don’t have that info written on them. So, I explained to her what needed to be written on every bill/receipt. I now flip through the Dec & Jan bills of her offices really quick to check them. There are quite a few of them with no info written down on them. There’s strike one for noncompliance.
Another task we would do several days a week (that’s Sally’s responsibility) is to check the bank accounts online. She is to look at the bank balances & report any low balances to Greg (or me if Greg isn’t there). She is then to look at the transactions in order to see if anything looks fraudulent. Since we are a loan company, check fraud is very common for us. So, we look at the checks for anything funny-looking, & we look to see if there are any auto debits (like when you use your bank account online to pay for a bill) that would tell us if someone got hold of our bank account info.
On Jan 30, at 1:15 p.m., I asked if any of the bank balances were low (Greg was out of town for a few days). Sally said she had forgotten to check the bank accounts that morning. Weird, ‘cause you had to check the Dallas office to make sure the money we sent them had shown up. How did you get the login sheet out to look in their bank account but then forget about checking all the bank accounts? This just further cemented in my mind that she was NOT checking these bank accounts the way she should. I was 100% positive that all she does when logging into these bank accounts is checking the balances to give to Greg but then never checks the transactions. I know this ‘cause, 1) I’ve observed Sally only logging in to write down the balances & then logging back out (she had some flimsy excuse ready when I asked her about it), 2) there have been auto debits that appeared in bank accounts that we didn’t find for weeks until I happened to see it for some reason & guess what? She never pointed those out to us, & 3) Sally hadn’t bothered to check the bank account balances since Greg was out of town, so clearly she only felt the need to check the balances. There’s strike two for noncompliance.
& even more bad mistakes or decisions:

1. At the end of Jan, we discovered that Sally had mailed the employees’ W2s to the managers’ home addresses instead of to the offices to distribute to their employees!
   
2. We had an office that moved locations to right across the street, so the only thing that changed in their address was their street number (12 Main Street instead of 11 Main Street). I explained this to Sally & gave her an updated list of the office’s addresses. 3 weeks later, we get a call from that office saying that mail we send to them keeps going to their landlord’s house. I check the address labels Sally had created for herself. Sure enough, it had the wrong address on them. I go to grab the lease, & at the top is where the tenant’s new address is listed. & all the way at the bottom of the page in the paragraph titled “RENT” where it lists where to send the rent is the landlord’s home address. & that’s the address Sally had chosen to be the new office’s address on her address labels.
   
3. Sally hadn’t been faxing the offices to ask for bills/receipts that never made it to us.
   
4. I used the last towel on a roll of paper towels, so I went to the cabinets to grab another. We were out. Sally is in charge of keeping track of supplies that need ordering, so I go to Sally & say we’re completely out of paper towels, we need to order some. Sally response: “No one ever tells me when they grab the last roll so I know when to order them.” Um, excuse me, since when is it our job to tell you to do your job? It’s your responsibility to keep track of supplies. You should be checking the level of paper towels, toilet paper, Kleenex, etc., to see when you need to order them.
   

So, I knew she needed a second warning write up for carelessness cause of the numerous mistakes since the first warning write up in the middle of Dec, & I would be giving Sally a first warning write up for negligence cause of her not asking the offices for missing bills & not writing the info on the bills I had told her to do at the end of Nov. However, it was only a few days from Feb, which was the time for performance reviews. So, rather than doing a write up now & then in a week or so doing a performance review that was one of the worst performance reviews I’ve ever heard of, I decided to just do it in one fell swoop. You know, just get it all out of the way with one bad conversation, one bad day, & then both of us can hopefully put it behind us & move on.
I decided to do the performance review & write ups on Feb 5 (Monday). It went much smoother ‘cause Greg was there, so Sally couldn’t really give me lip or lash out by showing attitude & anger like she had previously.
On Feb 7 (Wednesday), I log in to get the transactions for an office who is switching banks. I wanted to get an updated list of outstanding checks so they know how many checks are left before they can close the old bank account. & what do I see? Someone had used the bank account to pay $100 on their AT&T bill. I call the office & find out it was actually them, so no fraud there. But I then ask Sally if she had seen that when checking the bank accounts. She said she didn’t remember. Obviously, I have found my proof that she is either not checking them or isn’t paying attention when she does. I have a discussion with Greg about it, & we decide I need to have a sit down with her about her not doing her job. She is sick on Thursday, so I plan to talk with her the next day she comes in.
On Feb 9 (Friday), I begin the conversation about checking the bank accounts & how important it is. I am planning to say things like, we expect you to do this job, you’ve been told multiple times to do this task, if you’re not going to do the job, then you’re welcome to go find another one, etc. But she cuts me off at the beginning with an excuse of, “Well, I didn’t know what I should be looking for, now I know.” & it broke me. She does this exact thing every time I have to have a conversation with her. She has an excuse ready to go on the tip of her tongue, always spins it around so it’s not actually her fault. It’s always, “Well, I didn’t know that, but now, I do.” & I was just done. I didn’t continue the conversation, even though I needed to, ‘cause I just broke down in tears from the stress of having to discipline her & knowing that nothing will ever come of it, but having our hands legally tied to be able to fire her right now. I cried nonstop for over 4 hours.
On Feb 12 (Monday), I sat down to continue the conversation, this time with a written statement for her to sign.
Me: You respond a lot of the time that you don’t know how to do things, which is very frustrating, ‘cause you’ve been shown multiple times how to do these tasks. It’s very inefficient & wasteful that I have to constantly check all of your work & retrain you on the same thing over & over again. This needs to change. This job is about accuracy & accountability.
Sally: You’re not giving me a chance to improve. I never hear “Good job,” from you. All I ever hear is, “You’re doing a bad job, sign this paper.” I get in trouble every time I ask for help, so I guess I’ll just follow the instructions & hope I’m doing it right.
The problems with that response:

1. You’ve worked here for 2 years, Sally. You’ve had plenty of time to improve.
   
2. The reason you never hear “Good job” is ‘cause you’re not doing a good job. How am I supposed to tell you “Good job,” but also need to give you a write up for doing a bad job? If you’re getting multiple write ups for doing a bad job, don’t you think that’s a sign that something is wrong? I mean, she thinks that managers should be telling their employees good job on everything they do right. No, you’re expected to do these tasks. We’re not going to congratulate you every time you do your basic job requirements like some toddler that needs constant positive reinforcement so they know that doing something right is a good thing! You will hear “Good job” when you are doing a really good job on something, when you go above & beyond!! I mean, do you think Greg tells me “Good job” when I’m just doing my job as expected?!! NO!!! I’ve never had a manager constantly tell me “Good job” all the time!!!! (Whew. Sorry about that. Kinda went on a crazy rant there. I’m good now.)
   
3. Here’s another example of her mentality of “if I don’t do the job, I can’t get in trouble for doing it wrong.” She’s going to stop asking for help instead of using the help I’ve given her to do better. I mean, if you’re making these mistakes when you ARE asking for help, how many more are you going to make when you stop asking for help? How does this make any logical sense?!
   

Well, here’s another chance for some malicious compliance. She claimed she didn’t know how to check the bank accounts, right? Well, my job as the manager is to make sure my employees know how to do their job. So, I need to sit down with her & train her how to check the bank accounts. Again. Even though I know she already knows how to do it. So, every time you tell me that the reason why you didn’t do a job is ‘cause you didn’t know how to do it right, well, we’re going to sit down & waste both our times & annoy you having to be retrained on something you do, in fact, know how to do.
Sally continues making careless mistakes & not doing stuff she doesn’t think she should have to do. Like answering the phones. It’s her job to answer the phones; that’s something I as the manager should be delegating to her. However, she never answers the phone unless I literally can’t. So, I had asked her to start answering the phone more. She will wait until the last possible second before answering the phone. By that time, it’s already rung twice, so I have to answer it before it goes on any longer or they hang up. One time, we were both away from our desks when the phone rang. We both went to answer it, but she was closer & got to her desk before me, put her hand on the phone, & watched me until I got to my desk before she picked it up. With a comment of, “Oh, (laughs) I didn’t want to make you walk all the way to your desk.” Well, you did, anyway, you little jerk.
On Feb 27, Sally asks for help on a report. She says that my note stating the office is over-deposited $28 on report 1 but fixed on report 2 by being $28 under-deposited didn’t work out. She says that they were never over by $28 in the first place. I take the report to look it over. Her calculator tape adding up the deposits shows the bank is in balance, but I don’t see deposit slips.
Me: Where are the deposit slips?
Sally: I haven’t gotten them yet.
Me: (trying to comprehend her logic) Then how do you have the deposit amounts added on this tape?
Sally: I got the amounts from the report.
Me: You…(my brain trying not to implode at this point) you can’t add up amounts to see if the bank has too much or too little money in it without knowing what was actually taken to the bank. The amounts on the report don’t always equal what was taken to the bank.
I log into the bank account & discover just that: the report says they took $500 to the bank, but their deposit says $528. They were indeed $28 over-deposited. I then lecture her (for the second time in a few months) on the correct way to account for the deposits at the bank, that we are only to use the dollar amounts on the bank’s deposit receipt. (The first time was her getting the deposit amount from what was written on the deposit slip instead of what the bank gave us credit for on their printed receipt. The bank had shorted us $500, & we never knew until her deposits didn’t work out when reconciling the bank statement at the end of the month. We were missing $500 for 4 weeks! It’s a miracle we didn’t overdraw the account.)
Another task that we do several days a week is checking the CFPB website. This is a government website that uses federal regulations to monitor financial institutions. It’s like the Better Business Bureau, but more official. Customers can make complaints through them, prompting an investigation to make sure we’re following the federal guidelines. We have 2 weeks to respond to a complaint before it is past due.
On Feb 29, Greg just happens to be looking at an email inbox that he never checks, ‘cause after all, we’re checking the CFPB website, so he doesn’t have to look there, right? There is a complaint in 2 of the portals that have been in there since Jan 22. He immediately marches out & tells Sally about them.
Greg: Aren’t you checking the CFPB sites?
Sally: Yeah, I am.
Really? Then how come you didn’t print this complaint off to give to Greg in the last 6 weeks? She came back from lunch to a second warning write up given by me for negligence.
On Mar 5 (Tuesday), we are working on reconciling the bank statements so we can close the month of Feb. Sally brings me a Jan bank statement for an office.
Sally: This never cleared in Feb.
I look at the bank statement. It’s an electronic deposit of $254 on Jan 31. I remember this. She had asked me at the beginning of Feb why this deposit wasn’t recorded on the office’s report. I explained that since it didn’t show up in the bank account until the last day of Jan, they might not have known about it before the end of the month & so recorded it on the first of Feb. We will wait until the first report of Feb. If it’s still not recorded, then we’ll bring that to the office’s attention. & here she is, clearly telling me she hadn’t brought it to anyone’s attention all month long.
Me: (staring at the bank statement as I try to prevent my autistic brain from exploding at her while also trying to prevent a spontaneous stroke) You didn’t keep track of this all month?
Sally: Well, I didn’t know if it was treated differently ‘cause it was OTBP (One Time Bill Pay, which is the electronic deposit). (Oh, what a shocker, she once again didn’t know how to do something.)
Me: But we talked about this. If it wasn’t on the first of the month, we needed to address it.
Sally: Okay, well, now I know that we treat this the same as other deposits. (goes nonchalantly back to her desk like it was no big deal, like she hadn’t just revealed she had once again disobeyed my detailed instructions)
Me: (seeing her flagrant disregard for the seriousness of the situation & wondering just how on earth she could once again think that not doing her job would have no consequences) This is exactly what Greg talks about over & over, about how we can’t leave errors like this to sit for weeks & weeks, that these need to be dealt with as they happen.
Sally: (still as easy-going as if she had simply used the wrong color highlighter) Okay, I’ll make note of that.
Now, I am getting really pissed off. She keeps saying, “Oh, now I know that OTBP is treated the same as everything else.” That doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter that you didn’t know it’s treated the same! I specifically told you to take care of it if it didn’t appear on the first of Feb! It didn’t matter what kind of deposit it was! I said to tell me if it wasn’t on the first of Feb!
Now, this was right before she leaves at 3:30, so by the time I’m finished with my text conversation with Greg (‘cause he isn’t there that afternoon), she has already left. But I’m telling Greg that I have once again caught her being negligent, & she’s already had 2 written warnings about this, which means our next step is letting her go. Not to mention, her carelessness is still continuing. He said that he supports my decision to let her go. By the way, the final decision happened an hour after she left. If I had known before she left that we were indeed going to fire her, I would have done it before she left so she didn’t have to come all the way to work in the morning just to leave again.
So, on Mar 6 (Wednesday), I arrive early to work so I can be prepared. I am standing at my desk, watching her come in. This is unusual, so she frowns as she approaches me.
Me: Sally, we need to talk.
Sally: (still frowns at me)
Me: (handing her the typed up notice) We are going to read this together. “When reconciling the month of Jan, around Feb 5, it was brought to my attention that we had a deposit that hadn’t been reconciled. I gave you instructions to wait a report to see if it works out. If not, you would need to bring it to mine & the office’s attention for further instructions. This wasn’t done. It wasn’t until Mar 5 that you brought this to my attention again. You have been told many times the importance of reconciling the financials of the office. You have been warned several times of negligence. This is another example of negligence with respect to your job. All you had to do was follow my instructions. It is for this reason that it is now time to terminate your employment.”
Sally: When did you tell me to do this?
Me: (thinking, “Um, I kinda just told you when I told you do that, but, okay.”) When you showed me the Jan bank statement—
Sally: Yesterday?!
Me: You showed me the Jan bank statement a month ago when you were reconciling Jan. I told you to wait for the first of Feb & then—
Sally: You did no such thing!
Me: Yes, I did, Sally.
Sally: When does Greg get here?
Me: Around 9, like usual.
Sally: I’m calling him, ‘cause this is ridiculous. You’ve had it out for me from the very beginning.
Me: No, I haven’t.
Sally: Yeah, you have. Just like the other 2. (sets her bags at the front door, goes outside, & calls Greg)

1. How could I have had it out for you from the very beginning when we didn’t have problems for the first year & a half you worked here? If I’d had it out for you from the beginning, you wouldn’t have had a job the past 6 months. Need I remind you what Greg told you about the timesheet thing being something we fire someone for on the spot, but that Molly had gone to bat for you & gave you a second chance? Why would I have done that if I had wanted you gone from the start?
   
2. “Just like the other 2.” She’s talking about Irene (who had left in Feb 2023) & another employee (who we’ll call Phil). Phil had been fired (by Greg, by the way) for continuing to watch movies on his phone at his desk despite being told multiple times by Greg to not do that. & Irene? She wasn’t fired. She gave her 2 weeks’ notice. & we then discovered when going through the work she’s been doing as we started taking over her tasks that she didn’t just not do jobs. She would actually forge the work so she wouldn’t have to work. “A bank imbalance of $2.65? Well, I’ll just add it to the imbalance that’s been building up for who knows how many months & just label it as an over-deposit from the end of the month. That way, I don’t have to look into why the bank isn’t balancing.” But no, I had it out for them, apparently.
   
3. Does she really think that calling Greg was gonna reverse my firing her? Does she really think I would do something as drastic as writing her up or firing her without discussing it with my supervisor first? Did she really think I would do this behind his back?
   

Apparently, she did, ‘cause Greg confirmed that Sally tried telling him about all the stuff I’ve been doing to her as if he didn’t know. She hung up on him when he explained that he’s been told everything as it happens & he supports this decision.
Sally: (storming back into the office & towards her desk) I’m not signing anything.
Me: Ok.
Sally begins packing up her desk. I had known she kept a lot of personal items at the office, so I had gotten a big box or 2 out & placed them nearby for her to use to pack up her desk.
Me: We can give you a box if you need it.
Sally: I don’t need sh** from you guys.
Me: The only thing we’ll need is your office key.
Sally: You’ll get it when you get it. I’m packing my desk.
Me: Ok.
I go back to work, keeping an eye on her as she packs to make sure she doesn’t take anything she’s not supposed to or damage any company property. Sally at some point decides to use the boxes she didn’t want from us to pack up her many items. She takes both boxes to the front door where her bags are & sets them down to put the last of her things in. She picks up one box to take outside.
Sally: You are the worst manager ever. (goes out the door)
Me: (shrug)
Sally: (comes back in for the final box) Seriously, you’re the most evil person I’ve ever met. (leaves)
Really? I rank worse than the guy that beat you up? I’m worse than him?
I continued watching her to see if she’s going to come back to give up her office key. As she packed up her car, another employee had arrived (we’ll call him Randy). He had run into her on the way in & asks me if Sally quit. I explained, no, she was let go. I then see that Sally has gotten behind the wheel of her car without coming back to give us the office key.
Me: Well, I guess we’ll just change the locks.
Randy then takes it upon himself to go out to her car. He phrased it very gently by saying he wanted to spare her having to come back in to turn the key in.
Sally: I guess Molly didn’t have the balls to do it herself. (hands the key over)
& then…she was gone. Despite having to do the entire corporate office’s work all by myself & falling steadily behind little by little, I have never been more happy. I had forgotten how much I loved my job & how much I couldn’t wait to get to work. I haven’t been this stress-free in 6 months, & it feels fantastic! & the great part is, I’m not really falling as far behind as I expected to without her. Having to do 2 people’s jobs by myself is only affecting me a little. Really goes to show you how bad she was for the company & for my job when she disrupted everything that much. For example, me & her would get through maybe 5 to 6 offices’ reports between us in a single day when playing catch up after closing the previous month. One day? I caught up on 10 offices’ reports in a single day. By myself.
Oh, did I mention she smoked marijuana most days on her way to work or while on her lunch break? We could never actually prove it. But, come on, you don’t smell that strongly of marijuana on only select days if you aren’t smoking it recently. If it was leftover from the smell of your house or car, you would smell like that every day. But it was only some days she would come into work or back from lunch smelling like that. Obviously, smoking on the job. So very glad to be rid of her & her awful skunk smell. Although, I do wish her well on a new job search. I don’t wish ill on anyone, ever. But I am just glad she’s no longer my problem to deal with.
(Added 2 months after she was fired): By the way, I am actually gaining on my work. I’m not only not behind on my work, I’m actually getting it done soon enough to work on extra stuff. Also, out of the blue, we’ve started getting about 3 to 4 sales & scam calls every day since Sally left (for things like better Medicare benefits, better retirement benefits, & even one time recently where “Walgreens” was calling to ask if I still had diabetes). I’m convinced Sally signed us up for calls as retaliation. I hope they die down soon, especially as they are starting to get rude. (Our response to every one of these is “Sorry, this is a business.” This one guy responded to me with, “This is my job.” I said, “I understand this is your job, but this is a business. I am not allowed to take personal calls.” He said, “Why?” I said very slowly & firmly, “Because I’m working!” He started to say, “Can you explain to me why—” I hung up. Jerk.)

Hi!
So here is the situation. I filed for bankruptcy about 10 months ago. I was over median so was put into a chapter 13. It’s a non 100% plan. My monthly payment is $1450/month. Total debt was around $270,000.
I am paid on almost 100% commission. My salary was about $84k when I filed. 6 months later and my rolling 6 month income is now like $30k which puts me under median ($65k is the means test median here). I am at a point where I can’t make my payment.
The reason my income is lower is because work has been slow and my sales route changed. Is that a good enough reasoning?
I am wondering if this is grounds for conversion?
Consequences if I miss a payment? Should I try and not miss a payment, but still try and convert?
How long will the process take?
Will I be extra scrutinized because my debt is so high? $260k in personal loans and credit cards. Put loans into the stock market and lost it all (lawyer and trustee are aware).
We only have 1 Trustee in my state so it’ll by the same guy. Will he roast me and call it fraud because I’ve only been in my plan for 10 months?
I have a credit card with a zero balance ($2000 limit). Will I get in trouble for having it? Can I keep the card or will it be closed?
What documents will I have to provide? Will it be the same as when I filed for chapter 13? Are they similar in paperwork and preparation?
Will I have to pay another fee to file for chapter 7, or is it included in the chapter 13?
Any help is greatly appreciated. I’m panicking!

Mike they looked normal on the outside if they were in a hospitable environment except that their hair was the color of the flavor that they were but as soon as they got to somewhere where ice cream would start melting they would start melting too. They also were just kind of okay with people eating them, like they were the best ice cream anyone would ever have and they would sell themselves for parties and stuff, which is how I met them because a few of them were catering a wedding I was going to for some reason, for some reason I was traveling in the same car that they were in, they hung out and coolers while we drove and just started chatting with them and getting to know them they were pretty nice and weren't really shy about talking about how much their life kind of sucked but we're pretty optimistic overall I might have been asking overly personal questions, but we actually ended up being friends and would hang out in places that were safe for them like ice skating and stuff like that, I also visited their house which is when I learned that their parents were really rich and actually had built them an entire freezer apartment big enough for all of them, it was really detailed they had a gym set and everything stuff for all of their Hobbies. At some point I ended up getting dragged into an argument about what flavor of ice cream was the best flavor which was really personal for them. I remember one of them sticking their finger in my mouth as proof. I also distinctly remember that blueberry ice cream was the smart one (like Lisa loud from the loud house) she wanted to be a computer scientist because the rooms like computers are stored in are cold.
I remember they were all really fun people to be around and I remember distinctly wanting to take them places but not being able to and not wanting to say anything about it because I didn't want to make them feel inadequate or something or remind them of their own situation.
It's weird and these characters have stuck in my head since I feel like I'm almost obligated to try to create a webcomic or something about them.

First of all congrats to all 2024 graduates.
This is a long one so yea. My dad has always been a pretty much absent father. Especially financially, with my mom buying us everything we’ve needed , we being my sister and I. I have vivid memories of my dad calling and saying he’s come pick us up for us to spend time with him, only for him to arrive at 10 PM to give us a $10 bill and kiss good bye. we saw him occasionally. We’ve maybe been with a total of 10-20 times throughout the entirety our lives. But as we got older we realized that we weren’t a priority of his.
Right around when COVID hit though my dad began to come around a lot more. But not in the way u may be thinking. See my dad got into hard drugs, with his then gf. Lost my baby brother to CPS, and was basically homeless. So he invited himself to our home, sleeping in my moms car at night and sometimes my mom being the god send that she is was nice enough to let him come in and eat when it got colder out. This was the worst time of my life concerning my father . I saw him in a completely different light and thought very little of him. It just completely stunned me that the only way my dad would come to see his kids is if he had nowhere else to go. He , as most drug addicts was in and out of jail, until one time when he had to stay for a few months longer , and then spent a few months in a halfway house. All throughout this and before my mom never really spoke ill of my father , unless she was arguing with him about some bull shit he was doing while being a druggy and hanging around our house, like doing drugs in our basement. But she always encouraged or even forced us to communicate with him, and try to forgive/ build a relationship with him. Aswell as countless times of my mom helping this man. Giving him money, rides, clothes, and wtv else he asked for.
Well after my dad went to jail that last time and was in the halfway house, he came out a new man. He kicked his drug habit, got his CDL license and was doing great. My sister and I were very proud of him and wanted to give him another chance. We spent 4th of July with him, and hung out with him a couple more times just driving around in his car. And just in general we’re a little closer and more communicative.
Fast forward to the 2 main incidents that led to him not being invited to my graduation . So as I was heading over to a friends house one day my car cut out. My mom was at work with a client (she’s a hairdresser) so I naively thought I could call my dad. He showed up took a look under my hood and realized that id need to get it towed. So I took the initiative to start calling tow companies and try to find the cheapest one. I luckily manage to find a guy that would do it for only $65 . Which if you’re an adult you know how much of an insanely good deal that is. Whilst I’m calling tow companies my dad has spent this time complaining about my moms choice in cars , and basically blaming her for my car cutting out. And also trying to call his sister so he could borrow a tool she had to just hitch my car to her truck and tow it himself. He can’t get ahold of her so I bring up the $65 tow guy. This man starts complaining saying he can do it for free and just wait for his sister to pick it up. Anothe 30 minutes go by and nothing. So i call my mom, and ask her can she cashapp me. Of course she says yes. So I call the tow man myself to get my car towed. The entire time this man is complaining about paying $65 fucking dollars, complaining about my mom buying the car , and complaining saying I hope she doesn’t expect me to pay for this. Mind you he has a CDL license, so he’s making good money and can more then afford to pay it . He paid $30,000 for his car cash and was able to save this money up for it in only a few months, so u do that math for how much he makes. At first I was ignoring him letting him talk shit. But he just kept going on and on and on, and I finally snapped and told him to stop talking about my mom and began defending her. We got into a heated argument that ended with him saying don’t ask him for anything, and me assuring him that I won’t. I had started crying because of how frustrated I was at the situation . I was asking something so little of him and this is how he acted? And he made fun of that saying “I’m not going to cry about it either” this was the last straw and I vowed to never reach out to him again.
I kept that vow despite my moms continuous efforts to get me to talk to him/ unblock him/ forgive him , but I was done. My 18th birthday roles around a few months later. And I decided to be nice and invite him, my thought process was I’m going to college soon , and won’t see him for probably the 4 yrs that id be gone away to school. So why not just try. I didn’t ask this man for anything and just told him where the place of my party was. The time comes and my mom and I are a little late to my party about 10-15 minutes late to getting to the place. He begins texting me asking where we are , and I say we’re a few minutes late, but otw and just resend the address . He starts making excuses saying oh he has work he has to go and wtv else. I say ok that’s fine . He says oh I have a gift I wanted to give you. I say oh you could bring it later when ur off or we could meet somewhere for me to get it tmrw. The next day roles around and I ask him if he worked today and when I could meet him to get the gift. Then he starts talking bs saying, oh I already gave it to ur mom, with the child support card. I’m thinkin oh maybe he can put more money on it and did that for me , for my bday. But no he was referring to the money he is mandated to pay by the state , which he just began paying for the last year or he so he’d been driving trucks. So once I realized this I decided to tell him how bad of a father he was, and yes I did disrespect him and curse him out and I didn’t care. This was really the final straw and I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. And that I did. This is where he really fucked up though. He texted my mom saying to give me the childsupprt card for my bday. My mom uses the $400/ month he pays for our utilities and has them on autopay. And idrc what anyone thinks about that I think it’s a very appropriate use of it. Especially since she pays for wtv else we need and want with no complaints . So she tells him it’s sad that has nothing to give his daughter on her 18th birthday and not to text her phone with the bs telling her what to do with the money. Ig this upsets him because he brings up something’s of my moms past , during a time that was really hard for her. And that was it for my mom. She cut him off too, and though she has not hate for him, she says she’s done allowing people in her life that do nothing but take advantage of and disrespect her. I was relieved to finally have my mother stop pressuring me to spend time with my father, and happy to be done with the stress and pain that he usually causes when he’s around.
Fast forward to now , my Graduation was last week. I only had 8 tickets . And I had already decided to give tickets to my grandma , her 5 kids (my mom , aunts , and uncles) my sister and my favorite cousin. A few days before the graduation whilst at school, a teacher pulls me aside and asks me did Ik my dad tried to come up to my school to get a graduation ticket . I laughed this off. The day of my graduation comes and I find out he was at the place of the graduation trying to find me. I was relieved that we didn’t bump into one another because I truthfully don’t want to see him. But later I felt a little bad when thinking about how he tried to come to the school then still came to the graduation despite not being let in obviously for the lack of a ticket. I don’t know why but my mom is in the same boat feeling guilty that he wasn’t let in on such a big moment. And has began some of her old antics of saying oh can he come to ur graduation party (not the ceremony but a family celebration) my guilt however doesn’t extend this far, and I just can’t give this man yet another opportunity to disappoint me. So what do you think Reddit , am I the asshole?

Hey guys, yesterday I put an offer in for a home. It was verbally excepted by the seller and hopefully today or tomorrow they sign the DocuSign, which will start our 60 day due diligence as well as 45 days to find financing. The house was 328k in Iowa, I am 24, single, and make 80,500 before taxes. I will be living in this house for the first year, and after I will move back with my family and rent it out and build on the other plots. However, I was wondering what types of grants are out there available for me in the down payment and closing cost process would I be eligible for any of them? My credit score is also over 770. would it be best to go FHA loan if so, what are the best lenders that offer the lowest interest rates and the biggest thing I’m looking for our federal and state grants that would assist me with down payments not looking for handouts but if they’re being offered, I’ll share as hell take them free is free if I meet the requirements, please let me know your thoughts thank you so much