Unblock texting

hi guys, my bf and I have been together for about 1.5 years now. recently, we had a huge fight. i got upset bec he didn't want to drop by my workplace even tho he was released from ns early. it's a common thing that we share whereby whenever we get the time we'll drop by to visit each other. when I asked him why he didn't meet me after his ns, his reply was along the lines of me not meeting him whenever he expected me to... it then got pretty heated and I hurled a slew of vulgarity at him for which I'm regretful for. he later revealed to me it was because of his dad being at home & that he'll keep calling to check where he's at that he didn't want to pick me up (valid point, he has a strict dad who has asked him to put this rs to a hold until his uni - which is next year).
afterwards, I threatened him to unblock my ex (which I did) and then texted an ex friend of mine that he asked me to block sometime back. subsequently, he blocked me on all platforms so I messaged another ex friend of mine (whom he hates) to text my bf to ask him to talk me (and my bf got infuriated) and it made things worse.
i accept the fact that I had crossed all boundaries that we had set but now I really don't know what to do. he has been giving me replies (he said he'll reply at about 7pm cos he has to study for an entrance exam) and I've been crying all day. this has been going on for 2 days. i even vomitted yesterday & he apparently texted my mom to ask how I was doing. he kept bringing up the fact that I lied to him, crossed boundaries and that this rs won't work out. i kept asking for a second chance but he keeps ignoring that.
i really dk what to do anymore hais, I would like advice from anyone who has gone through something similar before. thank you so much.

Salam everyone,
I 25f was married (technically still am as it's my Iddah) to my husband 28f. We met off of Muzz, and he asked for my hand within a few weeks. We ended up married after a month or so.
Things went downhill drastically. I have mentioned elsewhere on Reddit that, he wouldn't want to hug me, he wouldn't want to sit with me. I had to "quickly" kiss him. He wouldn't provide for me usually, I was a uni student, and my mum would help me out, and I would tutor. He didn't look after me when I was sick with the chickenpox or when I partially tore my muscle. If I chew gum for longer than a few minutes he doesn't like it because my breath smells, I can't walk normally apparently, I am too loud, etc.
His family would be mean. They'd laugh at my suggestions of baby names, tell me I'm not their blood, that I'm psychotic and jealous because my family don't sit with me, or jealous because I can't have a baby (don't think that's true...I think I can).
I have tried hard believe me. I tried to soothe him when he wanted to divorce me over another woman. I tried to be patient when his family were being awful. I tried to be patient when he didn't want me. I tried to be patient when I moved to my mum's after uni for a job and he didn't come to visit me because he doesn't want to or he's tired.
Except..in the marriage he would threaten to divorce me. Every few months. First over another woman, then, because he is overwhelmed, and now...he has actually divorced me on paper because apparently my personality is different to his. I am bubbly and outgoing and he wants to be left alone. He says our marriage is causing fitnah for everyone else and he can't cope.
I tried reconciling, I even have paid for him in the past, got him gifts, you name it. He said, he's not interested. And he can't balance me and his family. He's sorry. He blocked me off everything too, except text.
Recently...he's unblocked me. He hasn't messaged me.
The thing is I know I should move on, but here's where it gets more complex. My father SA'd me and was emotionally and physically abusive, so I no longer have contact with him, I have been raped. And I don't really have a wali except for my paternal cousins who can be toxic.
I have 19ish days left of my Iddah, but I am struggling. I feel like I am turning towards sin. I am struggling immensely, crying, doing haram.
I have previously also sinned. The abuse started when I was 5 and then became sexual at 15ish onwards till I was 20ish. I know it's no excuse, but I am diagnosed with BPD, I struggle immensely.
I want to find someone else. I'm worried of the judgement and worried that the wali thing may put them off. I don't know how to approach people, my mum has a very small circle. I feel so let down. I thought my husband would be my final stop after all this abuse...
The divorce happened over the phone and was formalized in writing. He hasn't come to see me since Jan.
When I tell people my divorce is due to my personality, they think I'm joking, until some of them see the texts.
I feel terrible. It's not getting easier. Idk what to do.
Posting here too as from an Islamic point of view people may understand more.
Jzk! Any advice would be appreciated.

I’ve made posts on here before about how unstable AP is. They have constantly caused issues and have tried reaching out anytime they get the chance even when blocked. They will create fake numbers and social media accounts to stalk us and get their friends to do so. They originally messaged me claiming they had “no idea my WP was with someone else”, only to find out that was a lie and they essentially have begun stalking me now too.
My WP claimed AP SA’d them later on. When AP reached out to me and wanted to meet up to show me “proof” of my WP cheating, they touched me inappropriately multiple times despite me asking over and over for them to stop and even then tried to full on have sex with me. This resulted in me getting out of there as soon as I could, which was extremely hard to do with how they were behaving.
My WP knows this and they also know I have a lot of trauma from being SA’d in the past, so this really hit home for me and my mental health hasn’t been very well over it. Instead of being supportive, they have actually just continued to accuse me over and over of “probably lying about it because I most likely slept with AP and am hiding the truth”. They constantly tell me they have “no reason to believe me” and that “maybe I shouldn’t have gone to AP’s house in the first place”.
This hurts on such a deep level I can’t even describe it to you. I have not been sure if I’ve wanted to re-enter into R with my WP for awhile now. They keep insisting on trying for R, but there’s just been so much damage. The reason I’m writing this post though, is because I found out tonight they unblocked AP again and have been talking to them. This started last Sunday when they told me that “AP tried calling them, but they didn’t answer and AP is blocked anyway, but their phone lets them see when blocked numbers call them”.
This didn’t make any sense to me, because while I know their phone does in fact show in the call log if a blocked number has tried to call, it wouldn’t ring/go through, and they gave away that the phone did ring by saying they “didn’t answer it”. So obviously AP was not blocked, but I knew prying wasn’t going to make them be honest with me about it. I tried move on from this best I could, until a few days ago they decided to tell me what actually happened. They told me they never blocked AP because they “forgot”, and that AP actually texted them and they had a full blown conversation, but that they told AP they didn’t want them in their life whatsoever.
They told me AP then tried to call, but WP didn’t answer and blocked them. As if that wasn’t enough, tonight I find out that they unblocked AP and talked to them again. When I asked why they unblocked them at all, they said “to see if AP would listen”. So I asked what they said to them since it sounds like they messaged AP first. They swore up and down AP messaged first, which makes no sense because then why would you unblock them to “see if they would listen”? Listen to what? They claimed they wanted to “see if AP would listen and not message them, since my WP told them to not reach out again the last time they spoke to AP”.
I tried asking more details, to which none of the answers made any sense and they were half-assed. They told me it sounds like AP is “keeping tabs on them which was unsettling”, but they didn’t further elaborate and honestly that adds up because AP has stalked both of us for close to a year. They said they blocked AP again. I lost it. I told them they obviously unblocked them because they want this person around, want to talk to them or at the very least enjoy the attention they’re getting from them.
WP got mad and said that wasn’t the case, but I told them there’s no other reasoning for them to unblock them. If they genuinely didn’t want AP around and were as unsettled by AP’s actions as they’ve claimed to be, they wouldn’t be unblocking them just to “see if they would listen and not reach out like they said they would”. Why would you even want to know if this person reached out at all? This makes zero sense and nobody who genuinely didn’t want to speak to someone would do this.
What hurts me the most though, is they are actively keeping a person around who they know tried to SA me. They know this person makes me feel uncomfortable and severely stressed out. They know this person has posed a physical danger to me and apparently SA’d them too, so why are they keeping them around? Why do they want to be engaging with someone like that?
I told them I don’t want them in my life anymore. I told them to do whatever they want, but to keep me out of it and to not contact me again. I told them if I ever am contacted again by AP or their friends or if I see them around here, I will be calling police. They haven’t responded and to be honest, I’m just a mess. I was debating R and now I don’t think that’s an option whatsoever anymore. How could anyone do this to someone they claim to love?

TW Stalking, harassment, SH
Thursday at 8 am I woke up to a phone call which was unusual, it was private but I was half asleep and thought it might be someone trying to get ahold of me. All I heard was ... well it sounded like someone was getting out of a vehicle or closing a door. I thought I was being butt dialed or something. They call a few more times, I answer a few but mostly decline, nothing. More repeated calls and I pick up and this time a man is moaning my name. I immediately hang up and call the nonemergency police number and all the police really told me was to block the numbers and maybe change my number which I haven't yet but Im probably going to have to. This person called over eighty times in an hour before I could find the 'block unknown numbers' button in my settings because it didn't give me a way to block it in my call history or mid call. He also left two voice mails moaning, making sounds like he was masturbating and sent two text messages from another fake number. I called my carrier to get my call logs from that morning but they said it'll take 35 days. I dont know why it has to take that long. I don't know if it's some guy that knows me or just some random creep that found my number and decided to ruin my sense of safety. I don't know if they're local or foreign because the voice was too low and I didn't recognize it. A localish number slipped through but that be fake/spoofed too. Im honestly terrified. I went to a police station but they told me to go to the one in my town and I went there before on a separate matter months ago just to waste my time going from there, to county police, then back there again so I didn't have much faith in them. I was too emotionally drained to go to my local one today. But I was also told that I need to tell them via text preferably to stop and they're making me uncomfortable. I don't know how 90 percent of declined calls and blocked numbers. I just don't know what more I can do. I don't want to unblock him and hear his voice again. I shouldn't have to change my damn phone because some asshole likes to get his jolly's off traumatizing women. I don't go anywhere and I haven't given out my number in years. If it's someone I knew then they have been holding on to my number for several years. I don't know what advice anyone can give me but any is appreciated. Hell maybe I'm looking for comfort at this point. A private number has called me a few times since but I don't know if they're going to stop or what. Im just scared.

Today was super hard. I think about him all day ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT. Even in the moments I’m distracted somewhat I’m still replaying moments in my head. I didn’t think I’d make it past 24 but here I am. I’m fucking losing it I hate him so much I wish I never met him. I want to unblock him, text horrible shit, scream at him. All the while he hasn’t even tried to contact me at all and is probably fucking other girls. I hate this life I need a redo

So my ex girlfriend broke up with me. And I ended up blocking her and saying I don’t want to talk anymore. Because while I was manifesting us getting back together, she would text me afterwards and say I want to make things up and get back together and things progressed. But then she changed her mind afterwards. And it was just so frustrating and emotionally exhausting for me. I only blocked her for a day, but then unblocked her even though I know she’s not gonna reach out. But I know that me reaching out to her after that would be confusing for her, and she won’t respond. I figured after a month or two I might reach out again, but I just don’t want to find out she has me blocked or get ghosted. Is it possible for me to still manifest a relationship with her? I believe it’s possible because I did manifest our relationship and even saw movement with manifesting us getting back together. But it just didn’t go as planned since I didn’t react in the nicest way. Please share any advice or if any of you have been through something similar and still got your sp back. I would love to gain some outside perspective on this

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship since 6 months, dating since 10, and friends since 9 years. I have stated it multiple times since we started our relationship that I don’t like him keeping contact with his exes and he blocked all his exes in front of me when we got together. I found out a few days ago that he has unblocked, texting and meeting his ex behind my back since January. They were in relationship in school for a month he says that she is like a sister to him. When I confronted the ex she said she don’t consider him even a friend. But they have been seeing each other secretly all these months. My boyfriend says that he lied and manipulated me that wasn’t cheating. How should I handle this situation?

iphone users: so i was ghosted about a week ago and blocked on imessages. but while i was blocked i texted him a couple times. i sent him one text the day i was ghosted and then another text a few days later, just as a coping mechanism i guess because it was my understanding that he would never be able to see those texts. i check today and it said “read yesterday” under only the first text i sent him, not the one i texted a few days after. it didn’t say that before it just said delivered. does this mean he unblocked me? why does it say he only read one message and not the most recent one? everything on google says if you text someone while you’re blocked then they won’t see the message!

iphone users: so i was ghosted about a week ago and blocked on imessages. but while i was blocked i texted him a couple times. i sent him one text the day i was ghosted and then another text a few days later, just as a coping mechanism i guess because it was my understanding that he would never be able to see those texts. i check today and it said “read yesterday” under only the first text i sent him, not the one i texted a few days after. it didn’t say that before it just said delivered. does this mean he unblocked me? why does it say he only read one message and not the most recent one? everything on google says if you text someone while you’re blocked then they won’t see the message!

So the other day my 'bestfriend' had asked me for 60 dollars and I had told him no. He then said that's okay and then we stopped talking.
A few hours later I recive a text from my sister and my brother in-law asking if I was okay because I had texted them both "Hey" which I had not because I wasn't active for a good amount of time.
Then I had checked my messages on Facebook because some of my old friends and family were texting me (who I don't text alot anymore) and replying with "Okay maybe later" Or "No I don't have that amount of money."
I go to check all of the texts and I see that somone had hacked my phone and texted all my family and friends for 60 DOLLARS AND 30 DOLLARS. Once I saw that I knew exactly who it was. It was my 'bestfriend' I had asked him about it and he said that he works for satan and how he needs food. I then started yelling at him and blocked him everywhere. I changed the password to everything of mine and told someone about it.
Then today his boyfriend (my bestfriend) texted me telling me that my 'bestfriend' wants to say sorry for our past and that he didn't hack me for money apparently. I do not believe him because he's lied to me to many times and I can't trust him anymore. His boyfriend asked me to please unblock him but I said no.
Do you think I'm making a big deal about this.

Before dating my ex for the last 3 years I found out she has bpd, she was with an “abusive” guy and I helped her out then she started liking me, when she left the relationship she was drinking a few beers a night on top of smoking bong daily. Eventually it became problematic because she’d try to drink in my car which could get me in lots of trouble, she got better when I left the first time and went to AA and stopped the minute I came back.. whenever we went places she’d yell at me saying I was looking at girls when I wasn’t, judging me and letting me have no friends who were females, etc.. eventually we went to a festival where she met two old friends her ex knew but they stopped hanging with him, you can tell these people were trash and druggies, about a year later she went bowling with her family and they were there so she went out with them after, I could tell she did coke and lied about it, and those people told her to lie to me to about it, ended up breaking up with her and eventually after her crying I decided we could be friends because she was like, I’ve never seen someone cry this hard but it was bad, we started to be fwb which was okay for a bit until she started hanging around those guys again and some of their friends who were also friends with her ex, needless to say she made rules saying we couldn’t see other people or anything, I ended up hacking her messenger one morning and saw some messages from the main guy I broke up with her over, the guy and his gf that got her back into coke, and they were disgusting like “you looked good naked last night” “come over me and my gf want a 3 sum” and at that point I screenshotted, picked her up and threw it in her face and she cried again and blamed me for hacking her phone and changed every password, we weren’t together but she made rules, she didn’t fuck anyone but she did make out with the guys gf drunk , I believe the non sex thing because the guys like 500 pounds and gross, after that I took her back once more and she said those guys got kicked out of the group for being gross and she was just trying to get the convo to go away (she deleted it) I told her if I didn’t go on her phone I’d of never known and that’s what hurts the most, she would’ve hid it, she said she couldn’t remove them because she’s scared of them being druggies, in all this I have been caring less and less but we tried one more time and this weekend I picked her up from the house to go on a walk, got her dinner and then she wanted beer and weed and spent like half her paycheck in one night on it, I realized me buying her dinner was just letting her buy more drugs, she kinda said the weather was bad and we should go another day all while texting her new best friend a girl coke head who doesn’t work, I got her in crap before because our hangouts are her messaging them non stop, I realized now I can’t help her out of the addictions and need to leave it kkeeps getting worse, shes caring less about me and barely messages me when shes out with them etc, and i need to leave as hard as it is, she lives paycheck to paycheck and her life revolves around going to their house all weekend and doing drugs, all of them are failures and they rent some crap apartment and buy drugs weekly, it hurts to see but I feel it’s easy to leave as she blocked me the last time we fought and now I blocked the only other way we talked, if she unblocks me on insta after this weekend because she’ll be back at home without them, then I will block her, I need to avoid her social media and move on it sucks

I have a child from a previous relationship and her mother can be to put it nicely, demanding and manipulative. I met my gf 6 months ago. She the greatest thing since my child was born. But over these 6months my child's mother has, continuously called (up to 350 times in 2 hours), treated my gf, threatened me, told me she'll text her to say I cheated on her and many many more. And today was too for her. She called me one and I answered to tell her about our child night since she slept over last night. And she proceeded to ask about breakfast I said she had a pancake at a diner and she didn't finish it so l put it in a box. I told her she left it in my car but l'll bring it over later. She then yelled at the top of her lungs how she can't eat it now and that l'm a horrible human being for suggesting that. I hang up I can see my gf getting mad. So I don't answer the following 7. After our outing to the science center she told me she was done. She said she though she was blocked and that she can't take this back and fourth any more. I told her that I'm sorry forever and that she is blocked but she called from a NO CALLER ID so I can't block that. She asked me to pull over in the raid and she'll walk home. I told her no let me bring you to the house. She opened the door while I was driving and after that I relented. I asked her to talk and she said no don't talk to me. She went inside right after me before I could talk her down, l've been In the most of rain for three hours now. I left and bought her flowers. And her favorite candy but she won't come to the door or even unblock me. I know it takes time and whatn I need to show her how sorry I am. Idk what to an. spinning out of control.
Edit: she broke up with me. Or at least for now my baby mama sent gay pictures to her acting like it was me. So that’s that. I’m sorry I wasted your time. And I’m sorry that I’m a horrible person who doesn’t understand love. Thank you

For context, my bf (22M) had broken up with his ex (21F) a year before he met me because she was going abroad for uni. They decided to stay friends but she eventually blocked him when she left. Me (20F) and my bf met two months before I went abroad for uni (another country than his ex lol). I told him this immediately and we agreed to get into a relationship to eventually break up in two months. It was a great relationship, he was a loving partner and he always spoiled me with affection. We broke up the day before I left and decided to stay friends. During our break we both dated other people but when I came back to visit my home country for christmas we decided to get back together. We told each other about everyone that we dated while we were on our break. He then told me that him and his ex had met, without him telling me about it, while we were still together (about a week before we broke up) because she told him that she was in a bad situation. She had just gotten out of a toxic relationship and had nobody to talk to except him. She told him that her toxic ex made her block him. He consoled her but when she said that she missed him and had feelings for him, he told her that he had no feelings for her, that he had a girlfriend and showed her my picture. At the time I didn’t think much of it and honestly felt sorry for her. We agreed to do a long distance relationship and I eventually left for my second semester. One day I got curious and searched my bf’s ex on instagram. I saw that he had liked all of her posts that were posted while we were on our break and he was still following her. I had this gut feeling that there was something going on. When I came back to my home country for summer break, my bf greeted me with flowers as always. One day while we were hanging out I playfully asked if I could check his phone. He said no, which is fine but I found this odd as he never hid his phone around me and I was under the impression that he was already telling me everything that was going on in his life. When I told him this he said okay and showed me his text histories on all of his social media. We came across his dms with his ex, though I didn’t look through what they talked about. I asked him why he was still in contact with his ex after she told him that she still had feelings for him. He said that they were just friends and that they hadn’t even talked that much. She asked if he wanted help with learning english and occasionally said let’s meet up. He once told her that she looked better after the bad state she was in. That was it. Itold him that I was uncomfortable with him talking to her still when he knew that she had feelings for him. He said okay, apologized and unfollowed her in front of me. Something still didn’t feel right. The next day I asked to meet him and asked him why he didn’t tell me that he met up with his ex while we were still together. He told me that he was afraid that I would misunderstand it at the time given that our relationship wasn’t that serious since we would break up in a week. I asked him if he had told her that we broke up when we did. He told me that he didn’t remember. I asked to see their messages. He said no. I told him that I had a bad feeling and couldn’t go on with our relationship if I didn’t see their texts. He then showed me. He had replied to her story saying that she had gained weight and that her cheeks looked cute. Then there was a conversation where he asked when she was coming back and asked if she wanted to meet up. Another one where they talked about her toxic ex. And that’s all I saw until he snatched his phone from my hand. I immediately got up, started crying and told him I was breaking up with him. He said they were just friends and that that’s how he speaks to all his friends. He said that she was in a bad state and had nobody to talk to (which was straight bs btw). He said that I wasn’t even with him when they talked (which was true but apparently they texted on whatsapp as well but he deleted the texts because his conservative dad looked at them and got mad, so I’m not sure) and that they hadn’t talked since. The next day I blocked, then unblocked him on instagram. And he had followed his ex again. I waited and checked, and he had unfollowed her again. He texted me that day saying that he didn’t do anything wrong and that he just wanted to be there for his friend. He said that he was torn that we were breaking up and that he will never forget me. I asked him why he followed his ex immediately after I broke up with him then. He said that it was because she was his friend but he then decided to unfollow her when he reconsidered the situation because it didn’t feel right. He also removed all of his likes from her posts. We texted for two days. He eventually apologized for breaking my trust and that even though she was his friend it was disrespectful to me. He told me that I was the most precious thing in his life and he was an idiot for losing me. I told him that I still didn’t forgive him and that I needed time. He said that he would respect my decision no matter what
Any advice? I love him so much but I feel like I can’t trust him anymore.
TLDR My bf met with his ex while still with me, then stayed in contact with her while we were broken up only to tell me this when we decided to get back together. I then found out that he was talking in a flirtatious during the break and tried to meet up with her. He apologized but idk what to do, any advice?

Me and my ex have been no contact now for just over 3 months, literally 0 communication. He also has a girlfriend. A couple of days ago he briefly requested to be my friend again on Snapchat but deleted the request before i could do anything (my phone is always on dnd so i didn’t see the notification until 10 minutes after it popped up). I just wonder why he did it? I hate not knowing the reason for things so for the last week i have been constantly thinking of why he did it and it’s just ruining me. I still want him back, i want him to come back but i don’t want to play games. I don’t know if he did it to look at old photos? If he wanted to talk? Or just to get my attention? I don’t know. I still have his number unblocked so he could just text me if he needed something. It’s literally so frustrating to not know the reason & it’s all i can think about, i don’t know what to do, i don’t want to break no contact, especially now he’s in a relationship

I got into a heated argument with one of my friends on Monday. We resolved everything on Wednesday so I unblocked him on my iPhone and my MacBook. I tried to text him but for some reason the message would not deliver. He tried to send me messages as well and none of them would deliver so for now we’re just talking on instagram. I tried testing to see if the same issue would occur with my other contacts, but my messages delivered to them just fine. If I could get some support for this I would greatly appreciate it. Apple support isn’t much help at them moment.

My bf told me he was going on a trip alone and was going to turn off his phone so he could take time to reflect during the trip.
Turns out he does have his phone on, he just blocked me. A friend texted him and he got the message and even responded but MY messages don’t come through.
He checked in on me after a couple days of the trip (unblocked) but then said he would “turn off the phone” again.
Should I break up with him?

Its been almost a year , i met a turkish girl online and we started dating but we never met in person. Later on i told her I wanted to end the relationship and she said I can’t leave her or she will kill herself . Scared for her life I tried to make her happy texting her all day but it was draining and wasting my time . So I ended the relationship and blocked her every where , but now whenever she gets a chance from her classmates, she asks them to text me so that i can unblock her, its 15th number now what should i do guys !!!

I’ll spare you all of the nitty gritty - had a fiery hot breakup with a woman who deals with severe alcohol abuse problems. The intricacies of that I will be omitting.
A time line of events in the last week-
Sunday - I apologize for my wrong doings at the end of the brief relationship. No contact the remainder of the day. She comes directly to the bar spot I like to relax with friends that she never stepped foot in before meeting me, to use the restroom and leave and yell “fuck you”. Okay , whatever.
Monday - I begin receiving texts and calls from several numbers, mostly non threatening and mocking in nature. I consult police because I have an inherent belief some of these phone numbers (a couple of which I could true people search and figure out who they were) would intend to potentially hurt or threaten me. Police tell me I have to receive an inherent threat for them to act. I text the woman from a google voice number to politely ask for it to stop, and to not follow me to the place I like to go to be safe and have fun. Of course, I just get shit on.
Tuesday - I receive more and more texts and calls, spam calls, and a text message that is inherently threatening. Threatening to “86” me if I don’t “fall off”. I decide to have a conversation with one of the numbers that I knew the identity of to understand how my number was being spread. She had posted it in a group chat, which was then shared to a mass amount of people. I again show her the texts I’m receiving, ask her to stop distributing my phone number before I get a protective order. I Get shit on, no idea what you’re talking about, all that. Am told she would be getting a new phone number and that if I contacted her again she’d go to the police.
Fast forward
Friday - the texts and calls have mostly stopped. I clean my home, find a lot of her belongings , enough to not want to throw away. I made it clear I had no ill will towards her, that I don’t want anything to continue and hope the best for her and made that clear to her friends even with everything she did to me. I make sure she isn’t home, drop the bag off with her stuff, and leave promptly. She unblocks me to send a $1 Apple Pay to mock me with regard to something I said about small claims court because she owed me money. I unfortunately engage in conversation, entirely civil, tell her I have no issues with her nothing and say nothing but good things about her under the issues she faces. Made one disparaging comment about her alcohol abuse and throwing away everything good in her life with it, and hoping she gets better after she shit on me again. She later realizes I dropped the stuff off at her home, asks me to not show up unannounced, totally reasonable. I say I just did it because I was blocked on everything, was told a she’d be getting new number, and even if she didn’t I did not want to reopen the conversation.
Friday night - she shows up to the one bar spot, again, with a friend. Okay - I will avoid her, she’s doing this to get a reaction out of me, it is what it is. I’ll avoid her and go out back with my friends. She follows me, and sits directly behind me to continue bad mouthing me and making jokes to cause me stress. She is also wearing one of my shirts. I see in my phone I have yet another new text mocking me for a haircut. Truepeople search, lo and behold it’s the person she’s with, who she just gave my phone number to. She follows me again when I go back inside, at which point I speak to a police officer outside, tell him the situation, he seems supportive and removes them to speak with them outside. I finally think it’s over, whatever. Cop comes back to tell me “I can’t solve your problems, she’s saying you’re harassing her and showing up to her home unannounced, I asked them to leave you alone.” He was a prick about it. They come back in, continue to follow me, yell shit about me right behind me, and bring a big group of friends to do the same. While she constantly checks to see if I’m nearby because every time I moved, she’d follow.
I asked after the bar closed for the both of them to please leave me alone, politely, over text and one phone call that I was entirely civil during, once again get shit on. Bartender who I’m friends with told me he intended on kicking them out but was swamped, which he was, and they were in and out too much focused on following me anywhere I went in the bar.
Several people asked me if I was okay who were witnessing the whole thing all night.
With all of this, do I have the necessary evidence to have a protective order served against her?

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/OddDot5178 in AITAH
trigger warnings: possible transphobia, possible mental health issues, manipulation
​
NOTE: Because everyone will wonder, I am addressing this right now. While OOP's child identifies as non-binary, she uses "she/her" pronouns and presents as a female. This is why OOP refers to her as her daughter.

AITAH For Not Wanting To Raise My NB Daughter's Baby? - Feb 7, 2024
My daughter came to me at 16 and said she was non-binary, but only sometimes. Like, some days she would feel more male than female and some days she would feel like neither. She wanted me to ask her every day what day it was and then refer to her as that pronoun of the day.
I told her that wasn’t going to fly. Growing up, I spent a lot of time on LJ (Livejournal) during the ol’ ‘bun-self’ and ‘zen-self’ ‘zir-self’ days. People who think this is new to this generation are fooling themselves. I told her that I would call her the pronoun she wanted, and do my best to remember it day to day, but she was going to have to tell me what she wanted for that day. I wasn’t going to play a daily guessing game.
This went on for about a week or two until she finally seemed to grow tired or bored and just said I could call her ‘her’. Though she still identifies as non-binary. Fine. (At least when it was going on she wanted ‘she, he, or they’ — I’m sorry but I couldn’t have done fox-self/fox-them with a straight face).
So that’s the pronoun story and looking back where I think things started to go off the handle. Here’s my real question.
My daughter is now 18, pregnant, and seems to have lost her god damned mind. Or I’m an asshole. You choose.
This year has been a struggle. She wanted to take a break year before she goes to community college, but can’t keep a job. Apparently, retail situations are too phobic against her non-binary state. (My child looks/acts/dresses exactly as a young adult female btw. When I ask how people are being phobic against her, she gets as prickly as a cactus so I really don’t know the details.). She’s been through 4 or 5 jobs this year, quit all of them. She won’t consider call centers that aren’t face to face because she doesn’t like to talk on phones, and is apparently looking for a remote job without any luck.
She’s been unemployed since Thanksgiving (she quit her last job on Black Friday, in fact) and I was on the verge of laying down the law, telling her she either needs to go to school this upcoming semester full time or get a full time job or move out with her friends.
But now she’s come to me and she’s 5 months pregnant. She’s very angry at me, says it’s my fault because:

• I didn’t put her on puberty-blocking hormones when she came to me 2 years ago.
• She believes I am in fact trying to ‘feminize her’ by getting her birth control. (The pill.). She’s been throwing her prescription away.

This is where I might be the asshole. I called her a little idiot. We don’t use that sort of language in my house, and I never call people names — especially my own child — but at that moment I could just see red.
The hormone thing is a non-issue IMO because this is the first time I ever heard of her wanting hormones. What was I supposed to do? Go back in time?
As for the birth control! It’s also the first time I’m hearing anything about this! There are non-pill options that don’t have estrogen. If that was her want, all she had to do was ask and I would have driven her to the doctor myself! Or she could have taken the car she has and done it. She has her own medical card, even! Though to be fair, I don’t know how she would have managed the co-pay without a job. I know for a fact her old high school gave out free condoms like candy because her friends were always giggling over flavored sample packs and even blew a few of them up like balloons and left them around the house one time. She had all the birth control she could ever want and used none of it.
It gets worse.
We’re way past the date of abortion (again, I would have helped her if this had been her wish! We live in an abortion protected state and can afford it!). She’s known she was pregnant since about 2 months and has come to think of her baby like a sibling. She expects me to raise it like it was mine. That this is my duty, in fact, because she says it is my refusal to accept her non-binary state that led to her being pregnant. So she was going to get a brother or sister and I was going to have another child.
You can say my language grew … sterner to versions of ‘Get your head out of your ass’ and ‘Congratulations, mommy, you have some hard decisions to make’, and I said I would absolutely not raise her baby for her.
She also refused to say who the father was. Now that I’ve cooled down, I’m really hoping she has a secret boyfriend. She does have some friends who were born male, but now also don’t identify that way. We didn’t even get there as I lost my mind when she said she thinks of her own baby as a sibling and wants me to raise it like my own child.
She’s locked herself in her room loudly wailing, I feel like crap warmed over. She’s been in there for 12 hours, and as she has an attached bathroom, probably won’t be coming out until she gets hungry. Considering it’s been half a day I think she has snacks stored.
I also don’t know where to go from here. Being pregnant sucks and messes with your head, so I’d like to blame that and the fear she must be feeling, but … I have the bad feeling I either raised a spoiled brat or someone with an emerging personality disorder.
So I need to know from people who aren’t emotionally involved, and maybe some people who are more in tune with this whole nonbinary thing than I am.
What do I do to help while also making her responsible for her own child? How can I help my daughter accept she must do basically the most feminine thing you can do (give birth and possibly breast-feed) while being sensitive that she’s non-binary? Am I just a big asshole here?
Typing all this out it feels like my daughter is lost in crazy town. I'm still not raising her baby but at what point do I drag a legal adult to the hospital?
Edit: You might disagree with my choices or wording, but I'm reporting people who call this bait. It's not.
Edit2: It's the middle of the night and she has decided to pack some of her clothes and stay with one of her friends. (One who I suspect is the baby daddy). Before she left she told me that she already called the police and let them know that she was 'leaving of her own free will and was not in danger'. Like I was going to report an 18 year old adult as a runaway or something? It was insulting.
I told her she needs to work out details if she wants to adopt with the father, and she was welcome back home when she had a plan in place.
It was short because I heard her on the way out. I think she just meant to leave without saying anything.
Thank you for your kind comments and advice, Reddit. I'm going to sleep.
Commenters agreed that OOP's child wasn't thinking straight:
Comment 1:
NTA.
I hate to say this, but; I sincerely hope OP's daughter chooses to give up this baby for adoption, because she's a confused hot ass mess. I don't blame OP for not wanting to step on the crazy train and raise this baby.
Comment 2:
Let’s be honest: If OP says yes to raising this child as her own, it will be the first of several. Daughter won’t take BC, so she will continue to have unprotected sex and get pregnant. She decided a couple years ago that she’s NB, expected her mother to understand that and know everything about it, and is now rewriting history to blame her mom for her now being pregnant. My head is swimming, and she’s not my daughter! There will be more babies.
Comment 3:
NB here OP.
You are SO NTA. I feel sympathy for your kid because they sound like they are so confused, maybe have body dysphoria and are now facing a life altering situation with no way out. They must feel so trapped. So they turn on you. It's easier for them to yell at and blame you instead of accepting responsibility. They are looking for a way out. We all keep changing and growing and your kid is SO young they seem to not know who they are yet and now they have to face looking after a baby when they know deep down they can't even really take care of themselves.
But my GOD the thing they did that was really stupid was chucking BC away. That is actually wild. Your kid needs to learn the difference between gender enforced stereotypes and actual biology. With biology it unfortunately doesn't matter what gender you are, the biology doesn't care, it still works the same. They NEED to learn that and differentiate.
Like I said, NTA OP. What a shit situation. I hope it gets better. I really do.
Comment 4:
NTA, your child is in fact a little idiot, with behavior that would be an absolute nightmare had you not been their parent. Also birth control isn’t a form of feminization, it’s a form of responsibility when you’re born in a body with a uterus and want to have sex that can result in pregnancy.
OOP's response:
Ugh, I wish I had those words when she hit me with that one. I sort of sputtered for a few minutes.
Comment 5:
Oh man, this is a can of worms within itself.
I wish I had better advice but just...I feel for you and the position you are stuck in.
The ONLY thing I can think of is, referring to breast feeding as "chest feeding" might make your NB daughter accept it more.
But like...there's a whole other level of things you need to get through first.
First and foremost, therapy, ASAP for your kid. Because she needs to get her head sorted out. Assuming you will just take this kid and raise it for her is...problematic to say the least. And she's got a deadline coming obviously, so therapy ASAP.
Also appointment for pregnancy checkups asap!! Has she had any? An unmonitored pregnancy can lead to complications
You might also be able to get her a social worker to go through pregnancy checkups, birthing extra.
Your kid needs a big sit down conversation about accountability for your own actions. And about how she might feel like part of YOUR actions lead to this, there was also many many choices she could have made to prevent this, that she chose not too. And at the end of the day, it was HER choices that led to this, not you.
OOP's response:
Thanks for this tip. I've written it down. The reason I mentioned she was NB because using 'breast' instead of 'chest' is the exact type of thing to send her into a pissy-fit when she's in the wrong mood. I know this may sound like a little thing, but she's always been... well, dramatic.
Because it's the internet and things are anonymous I'll admit that I am absolutely dreading pregnancy and afterbirth mood swings. Especially since it will all involve very womanly things in every intimate way. On top of the sheer stress of a newborn? Yes, I'm not looking forward to it at all and am already preparing to endure the storms.
Our conversation wasn't productive (it was an argument and she's still not out of her room) but I don't think she has had any prenatal care. That will change if I have anything to do with it.
Thanks again.
OOP commented with some of her concerns:
Yes. My worry and regret have so many places to go and a big part of it is for the baby.
This has been a bad day. :(
Responding to a comment regarding her child's entitled attitude:
Oh believe you me I have been kicking myself up and down on top of everything else. I don't know how she got to this point, but she's there now.
I wish I did have that time travel machine she clearly expects me to have.
She also clarified her overall views on the matter:
I'm on the fence. If she acted at all like she didn't have a gender (I believe that's what NB is) then I could take it more seriously. But she dresses as a woman. She puts on makeup, wears dresses during the summer, enjoys feminine things? We watch horse videos on youtube and squeal over the new foal videos. She's never been a tom boy, even.
But I was like, okay this isn't hurting her. I'll let her have this and express herself. Maybe it'll turn into something, maybe it won't. And after the first few weeks, she even dropped changing pronouns every day.
Her mentioning being NB faded and then started up hard again when high school ended and she started working retail.
I try to be understanding. Retail is hell and I'd personally only work it again if I was at my last resort. But recently it does seem to be an excuse not to work. And now she has a baby on the way.
This may not be the place for it, but I'm just worried she's regressing to a more child-like state. I don't know if she's struggling with being NB or if she's using NB as an excuse to shield herself from the world. Ugh. I guess the internet won't know, but I'm just flat out worried.
​
AITAH has no consensus bot but the comments were largely NTA.
​
Update: My NB Daughter Wants Me To Raise Her Baby - Feb 17, 2024
Hi,
This is an update to this post (Long story short my 18 year old NB daughter wanted me to raise her baby, and she told me she thinks the baby as her sibling. We had a blow-out, she locked herself in her room for most of a day, and then took off with her friends/her lover)
So this happened a few days ago but I didn’t update because I needed to get my head around it. It still doesn’t make sense.
Daughter finally unblocked me. She and the person who got her pregnant wanted to talk to me at a public place. We chose iHop.
Although I suspected I knew who her lover was, I was disappointed to find out because they have been a part of my daughter’s friend group since high school and was the only one I ever had a problem with and kicked out of my house.
They are trans now but two years ago the friend group was watching a movie in the living room, and every time I’d pass by, he (he was a he then) would lock eyes with me and make really obnoxious, loud, orgasm sounds like that scene in Harry Met Sally. I told him to knock it off and grew sterner when he did it again.
Then when I was in the kitchen, he somehow snuck up behind me and was miming jack-off movements with his hand. I turned around and caught him at it. He was still fully clothed, but it was startling and freaky. I kicked him out.
So now I’ll just call them Sperm-donor because that’s what they are.
I’m still calling my daughter ‘my daughter’ and ‘she’ because I still haven’t been told not to by her otherwise. So get off my case on that.
Anyway, the iHop meeting was a shit-show. Sperm-donor sat with my daughter and went on the attack. Sperm-donor’s points were:

• I was poisoning my daughter by “making” her take birth control. (I only helped her get the prescription and would have done everything I could if I knew she didn’t want to take the pill. There are other methods!)
• It will take years to “fix” my daughter after all I did. (Not giving her hormones even though I had no idea that was what she wanted. She dropped even wanting to change her pronouns after a few weeks.)
• Abortion is a sin and I am a monster for suggesting it. (It’s past the date anyway.)
• I am further abusing her by not taking care of the baby while she fixes herself. (I guess they meant it as a temp situation which was also new to me.)

So apparently even though I’m an abusive monster, a bad mother, and so on, I’m even worse for not taking in their baby. At least no one suggested that I raise it like my daughter’s sister anymore. That might have been my daughter’s thought on it.
Sperm-donor did most of the talking while my daughter just sat and glared at me, nodding along.
It was kind of a whirlwind, Sperm-donor pounded the table a few times, and even the waiter knew not to bother us after drinks, lol. I’m surprised we weren’t asked to leave.
There was a lot said, mostly by the sperm-donor who really seemed to be steering the ship. I asked why sperm-donor couldn’t take care of the baby and sperm-donor said their parents were even worse than me. I guess my daughter and sperm-donor taking care of the child they created is out of the question.
I told them that I would not be raising their baby for them and that adoption is the best bet. They said that if I don’t agree to raise it, they’ll make sure I’ll never see the baby ever.
I won’t raise their child for them. So that’s that, I guess.
I feel so many flavors of worried and angry and then worried all over again. I’ve been around the block and it’s never a great sign when the person you’re with makes an enemy of your family. That’s what sperm-donor has done by painting me as an abuser and failed mother who also won’t take in their baby. Sounds like sperm-donor has cut themselves off from their own family too. So I’m worried my daughter is in a very controlling relationship with someone who convinced her to stop birth control because they think hormones are too feminizing somehow and that she needs to be “fixed”. But they still want me to raise their baby.
I’m angry that my daughter can just hear this crap and nod along like, yeah, that makes total sense. She is not stupid. I think she’s love blinded.
I’m sad and worried for the baby. A couple commenters suggested I wanted nothing to do with the baby because I wouldn’t agree to raise it as my own. No, in a perfect world, I would want a normal grandmotherly relationship. Or at least know that the child is safe and has been adopted into a loving family.
I don’t care what my daughter does with her gender, or her body as long as she doesn’t hurt herself. I want her to be in a happy relationship with someone who values her for who she is. Sperm-donor kept using the word ‘fix’ which I see as another terrible sign.
It’s bad all around. My house is empty. It feels like my adult daughter has run off to join up with some weird church/cult thing who tells her that up is down. That not using birth control and not getting an abortion and then expecting others to take care of the child is all a-okay. Oh and that she’s a problem and needs to be “fixed”.
I texted her and said I would be there for her, but sperm-donor was still not welcome in the house. I think I’m blocked again.
She’s a legal adult. I’m not sure what else I can do at this point? In my low points, part of me thinks maybe I should agree to take the baby and then immediately make sure it’s adopted into a loving home. But I get the feeling that sperm-donor won’t make that easy, and right now my daughter does what he says. Also I’m not sure if that plan is even possible. It sounds Hollywood.
I have an appointment to speak with a councilor, but the soonest I could get is April. Some of my friends think I should take the baby in either to get them away from the parents or because they think it’s my duty, or both.
The only silver lining in this was that they both seemed sober. I don’t think there’s drugs involved.
Am I reading this wrong? Am I the asshole here?
Commenters agreed that sperm donor's comments made no sense, and that OOP's child was probably stuck in an abusive relationship:
Comment 1:
For your safety, I would change the locks and put up camera, Sperm-donor seems unhinged. I’m a firm believer in better safe than sorry.
Comment 2:
This baby will be used as a pawn in his never ending psycho drama. If they do not and cannot raise their baby, the best solution is adoption. Otherwise, the father will make your life a living hell.
NTA
OOP's response:
I couldn't figure out a polite way of saying this, but yes. That is my suspicion if I take in their baby. Sperm-donor implied it would be temporary while earlier my daughter said it would be permanent. I think sperm-donor will refuse to sign over paperwork when the time comes or try to leverage it in some way.
Comment 3:
NTA also it sounds like your daughter is in an abusive relationship with this person. Sorry your daughter has been brain washed by this crazy person. I would definitely contact this sperm donors family and if they seem sane warn them about how crazy both of spoke to you.
OOP's response:
That is my fear, and not a bad idea to contact sperm-donor's parents. This has all happened so far, I feel like I'm in shock and I'm very worried.
Comment 4:
Pretty wild that a trans person is saying abortion is a sin. None of this is anything like what you're going to hear from any healthy LGBT community, who are quite careful to make sure not to support people in delusional or antisocial behavior. Definitely get therapy, sounds like your kid has some serious mental health problems if they're being influenced by whatever wackos put these ideas into their head. You're going to need support in coping with this madness. NTA by a country mile. You are in no way "abusing" your kid by refusing to take responsibility for their bad choices.
OOP's response:
Thank you and yes, I don't want to minimize my daughter's role in it but the hard anti-abortion thing surprised me too. A lot of what they said contradicted itself. It felt like I was sitting across from two people who were in their own wacko bubble.
I know it's not a LGBT thing. I wish someone from their community would knock some sense into them, if its even possible at this point.
​
OOP hasn't posted since the last update.
Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

TW for s/h mentions, self end mentions, and abuse mentions
Obligatory clarification that this was a few months ago, I just regularly feel guilty about it and wanted to see if I'm right in feeling that guilt. Also, apologies in advance since I think this is going to be a long post.
I(20ftm) was abused in multiple ways by my stepfather(46m). I filed a case against him two years ago, which finally got picked up after my younger sister(16f) ran away from the house. During these two years, no one in the family talked to me, as he convinced everyone that I was a liar, a manipulator, and was doing everything as an act of revenge on him for "treating me with the respect I deserved". He was sentenced last October to 15 years in prison, and then they began to investigate my mother(38f) because she knew about the physical/verbal/mental abuse of all of us kids(there were five of us, ages will be given as children are mentioned), and about the s/xual abuse toward me. I live out in Arizona, however when my mother lost custody of our siblings, my older sister(25f), who well call Molly, reached out to me asking if I would be willing to come back up to Ohio, my home state, to help her take temporary custody of the children. The plan was that I would come back up to Ohio, live with my old roommates, get a job, and watch the children in the morning to get them on the bus and afternoon until Molly got home from work. This was something that was agreed upon by everyone, and it was decided that due to a job opportunity I would be going back to Arizona in three months. I immediately explained to everyone involved that I would not flake out on these plans unless my mental health got to a point where I was actively considering self ending. Molly requested that she get "some sort of notice" before something like that we're to happen, and I told her that the best I could do was actively pointing out signs of mental health decline as they happened so she would know where I was in my headspace, to which she agreed.
Fast forward to the day I'm to fly up, and I get a call from Molly. She explains that our grandmother is giving her her old house in exchange for the childcare until my mother got out of jail should the worst case scenario happen, and she wanted to know if I could live in full time with her. In exchange she would pay my way through driving school and get me a car off Facebook marketplace, which would roughly equal out to three months of paid labor. She explained that I wouldn't have to do any chores(though it would be nice) and she would support me financially so that I didn't need to get a job(though I also could if I wanted to) and I could put my full time and care toward the children. This seemed like a fair deal to me, so I agreed. We talked about a few other minor details, such as my room(I wouldn't have one, and would be sleeping in the corner of the living room) and food(I requested that she get healthy food because eating excessive amounts of junk food triggers my ED, which she agreed to but more on that later).
I fly up and reconnect with all of my siblings(I hadn't talked to any of them in person since the incident two years ago), and talk with a close friend of mine, who I'll call Buddy. Buddy expressed that he didn't think that me moving in full time with Molly was a good idea, and tried to imply that she might try and take advantage of me while I was there and overstep boundaries. I told him that I trusted her not to do so, and she and I had agreed that I would be spending weekends with him at his place to decompress and regularly assess my mental health. This was almost immediately backtracked by Molly, saying she didn't expect me to actually take the whole weekend and she requested Saturdays to be her "day off", which I agreed to. About a week and a half after I arrived and was settled in, we started having violence issues with the youngest(10m), and they were mostly directed toward me. We assumed that this was because my stepfather had fed the kids a story about how I had left because I didn't care about them, and he was too young to understand the truth of the situation. Molly was very attentive to my needs at first, making sure to buy fruits and vegetables as well as having the children upstairs by 9 pm so that I could have some private time to relax each night. All was good other than the violent outbursts from the youngest(who I'll nickname Chris).
After about a month, we had to give Chris to an aunt due to the violent outbursts becoming more frequent and the police having to be called several times just to get him to stop attacking me. I explained to Molly that it was affecting me pretty badly, and she and I sat down and talked it out, deciding I wasn't at a point that I needed to leave yet, however if we kept him I would be. So we let Chris go up to my aunts, who we'll call Aunt Hayley. After that things calmed down in the household, with there only being two major fights between the remaining three children. During this time, Molly began to talk about how stressed she was about finances, as well as she signed up for a college course and got a boyfriend. I didn't see this as a big deal at the time, but it compiled with everything else. Molly began coming home at 6-7 and immediately going to her room, and I would end up keeping watch of the children for the remainder of the night. This didn't bother me too much at the time, as I saw it as helping her, however I could. Before this, she and I had pretty evenly split chores, with both of us doing dishes, laundry, and trash periodically. Once she began this college course, I took up the entirety of the dishes, laundry for all of the children, and majority of trash. Molly tended to her room and mandated when the children cleaned their rooms and their upstairs bathroom, but other than that was in her room either doing classwork or hanging out with her boyfriend. During this time she also stopped getting the healthier foods, despite me helping with grocery lists and requesting healthier foods, opting instead for snacks or frozen foods such as pizzas, hot pockets, bagel bites, etc. This upset me seeing as I had already explained to her my issues with said foods, but I didn't feel I had a right to make comment seeing as she was still financially supporting me.
During this time, my no contact order with my mother was lifted, and I agreed to speak with her again, seeing as she had eventually denounced her borderline worship of my stepfather and told the police everything, and was now in therapy and parenting classes. To be clear, from the moment I had arrived in Ohio, I had wanted nothing to do with her, and the only reason I had agreed to talk to her was to give her one last opportunity to man up and explain everything properly. She did, and as I had suspected, he had been severely abusing her in every way as well. I still didn't trust her, but I decided to give her a second chance at a relationship on the condition that she not bring any more men into my siblings lives until they were all 18 or older(which she agreed to). I began to visit her semi-regularly, and Molly and I agreed that I would go to her house Saturday nights for dinner, seeing as I was already going to Buddy's around 7 pm Saturday nights anyway, which meant it wouldn't really change any of Molly's plans. At this time I began having a friend over, who we'll call Max. Max is a close friend of mine since middle school, and Molly approved him to be around any time, however I only really had him around on Tuesdays due to his work schedule. As soon as Max met Molly, he said he didn't really like the way she talked to me, and when I didn't understand(I have autism) he explained that a lot of how she speaks to me sounds like she's talking down to/making fun of me, and that when I say something she doesn't seem to take me seriously. I brushed this off, thinking that it was just him not being used to her somewhat abrasive personality.
Molly continued to complain about finances, and I continued searching for a job as I had been since I got there, and then came the first weird incident during this. One day Molly said that our mother had offered her a motorcycle, but that she had a feeling that she wouldn't actually give it to her, and so she was going to go buy her own. I didn't mention how counter intuitive this was to her finance problem, though I should have in hindsight. She also went out that weekend to get her nails and hair professionally done(which she had told me at one point all together was around $200), as well as I believe the next weekend to get a $180 tattoo shaded. Seeing as Molly had gone out and bought a motorcycle, my mother instead offered me the bike, which I accepted. Molly then began making comments about how she knew my mother was going to give me the bike, and that was why she had gone out and gotten her own(despite the fact that I had asked for the bike before I knew it was supposed to be given to Molly, and was told only if she didn't want it because she got first dibs).
During the last month, my mental health began to hit the decline I had warned Molly about. I informed her of when it became hard to get out of bed, when I was having guilt or s/h urges, and then eventually I reached a point where I requested she take back up at least some responsibility of dishes and laundry because my mental health couldn't handle it. She got somewhat indignant about this, saying that because I was living there rent free I should be doing the majority of the chores. By this time, I had very much seen what Max had been saying about her talking down to me, however I wasn't in the mental state to go against her, so I just reiterated that I really wasn't doing well. She said that her classwork, job, and social life wouldn't allow her to have time for it, and since I had none of those I didn't have any reason to feel the way I was. At this point, Buddy and my two old roommates(who we'll call Rat and Iroh) started insisting that I should go back to the original plan and only go down in mornings and until she got home from work, however I felt obligated to help her so I stayed. They repeatedly reminded me that she still hadn't followed through on any of her promises regarding driving school, car, or respecting my triggers. I continued to stay, partially to help her and partially because I knew at this point that it would backfire on the children as well if I left.
Two weeks before I was supposed to leave, Molly pulled me aside and told me that due to financial concerns, she would be letting the children go to a foster home in two weeks, once I left. This confused me seeing as a) I hadn't been bringing in any financials, and b) she insisted on keeping the 16 year old(who I'll call Fiona) but refused to keep the other two, because (in her own words) "Fiona is the easiest to handle". I felt as if I was to blame for this because the way Molly had presented it to me made it seem like the only reason she was letting the children go was because I was leaving, and a few days earlier she had been trying to push "if you could only stay another month". This plummeted my mental health, and about a week later(a week before my stay was supposed to end) I hit the point of actively wanting to self end. I informed her of this, and she got cold with me, saying she wished I had told her sooner. I reminded her that I had vocalized every step for things going down hill, and she insisted that it wasnt enough and I should have given her more notice, as well as claiming she could have done this whole thing without me and that I was more trouble than I was worth at points. She then started saying that I had only come back to get close to our mother and that I didn't actually care about her or the children(as I said, I hated my mother when I arrived). I told her that I would stay till that Friday night as it was Thursday and I didn't want to force her to try to find last minute childcare so late at night. At some point in this conversation we got a call from the middle(14nb, whom we'll call Sora) child's school saying that Sora had assaulted another student. This student had been making fun of Sora for months, claiming that they deserved the abuse they went through and that she hoped my stepfather got out of jail so that he could hurt Sora worse. I requested Molly not be too intense on the punishment, seeing as this had been an ongoing issue that had been brought to both the principal and Molly's attention, and been brushed off by both. Molly started beating me about how disgusting it was that I was condoning violence, and I clarified that while I didn't condone it, this situation had been hard enough on Sora. At this point in time, I had had enough and told her that if she didn't want my input and wanted to belittle me and "put me in my place", then she could put her money where her mouth was about being able to do this without me and I would leave that night. She said fine, but that she knew I wasn't actually wanting to end myself and was just using it as a convenient out of the situation. I began to pack. As soon as she got home she said that I had been taking her tone wrong, and that she hadn't meant to attack me. She then started saying that I wasn't screwing her over in this, I was screwing the children over. This was while the children were out of the house, and I did raise my voice, telling her that I wasn't trying to screw anyone over, I was following exactly the boundaries I had set, as I should have from the beginning. Buddy came and picked me up, and I went and spent the night with my mother.
The next day I was informed that Molly had told our caseworker that I had bailed, and that the children were to be picked up the next day(all except Fiona, who would stay in Molly's care and eventually the possibility of Molly adopting her was discussed). That Friday was the court case which was to decide what was to happen with my mother. Molly had expressed throughout this entire process that she didn't want my mother to go to jail, and that she would do almost anything to keep her out. The prosecutors had also expressed that they didn't want her to get a full 3 year sentence. During the court proceedings, Molly was the only one in the room requesting the maximum sentence for my mother, and during her speech was consistently deadnaming and misgendering me, which no one else in the court room was doing. My mother walked out with a 60 day sentence, which wasn't terrible, but the damage was done to mine and Molly's relationship, seeing as it was already strained before I found out she had been lying to me for months about her stances on this. She and I had had several conversations about this, while I hated my mother and whole I was healing my relationship with her, and her stance of wanting her to stay out of jail had never wavered. I unfollowed her on most medias, but kept her unblocked on everything. Three days before I was supposed to leave, I realized that my leather jacket and my keys to my boyfriend's collar were still at her house, and I tried to contact her to ask for them back. I texted her twice, neither of which she responded to, and then Buddy called her. She claimed she hadn't seen them, but refused to let us come over to look for them, despite the fact that the last time I had seen either one was in the house because I had been too depressed to leave the house. She continuously refused to let me come check, or even let someone else come check, claiming that she didn't trust me to put things back the way they were, despite me never showing any inclination of touching anything that wasn't mine. I went to text her again on the matter and found that she had blocked me on all platforms. Shortly after this Fiona would start claiming the same things about me not actually wanting to end myself and just using it as an excuse, showing that she had been talking to Molly about this, and her views on pretty much everything shifted to Molly's views. This caused a rift to the point that while I have strong contact with my other siblings, I don't have much contact with Fiona.
I feel as though it was wrong to leave the children in the situation they were in, and I desperately wish I could have done more to help, but I knew that once I hit that mental state I was no longer safe to be around them and only ran the risk of traumatizing them further if I had stayed.

Throwaway because I only lurk on reddit. I'm 27, the girl was 24. Dated for 2 months.
Like I don't know where to even begin. I even have no idea why am I writing this but I just feel so ultimately broken that it hurts in a way that I thought is impossible. I feel so empty, like I wanna cry and scream but there are no tears and there is just silence and me staring at the wall and having thousands of thoughts at once and I'm not sure what to do about it.
I started dating this cutest girl on March and everything was as smooth as a butter. We met on an app. I knew she has attatchment issues and etc but I was patient and honest and wanted to wait with physical stuff because she mentioned its important for her to feel comfortable and stuff and I was very understanding as always and thought that I finally found someone who has the same approach to relationship and wants to build something on honesty and go with the flow, don't force anything and so on. I did not want to rush anything and we were going at our own steady pace. I never want to do any physical stuff very early on in the relationship, we only did some light stuff, like kissing, touching each other above the waist and such. Very "polite". We both communicated our goals, relationship-wise and such. We both wanted the same thing, a life partner. We both said we are monogamous and we just need one person and no one else and everything was peachy.
So we always were on good terms in person but texting was a bit of a struggle, we usually had fights (like twice) on texting apps (never in person though). Time spent IRL though was like the best time possible for both of us and we were super comfy with each other like I never felt before actually.
Now, there was a time (like 2 weeks) when we didn't see each other at all. During that time we had one of those fights she gave me silent treatment for like 3 days. Now I think this is passive aggressive manipulation technique which is a deal breaker to me. But I thought "damn this girl is really cool besides that little issue, I'll give her a chance, maybe she's just stressed out or something". It went on for like 3-4 days and we started talking again and it was good.
The fight was about something we were supposed to talk about IRL (and I panicked because it sounded very serious) but then she mentioned it was just that she won't be able to spend a day with me in next month (a specific, special day that we were supposed to spend with each other). Not a big deal and I was suspicious that this was the thing she wanted to talk in person. She mentioned "I have no idea what is your approach to these things" when I asked what she wanted to talk about in person (before we had fight) and it keeps ringing a bell now - I'll explain later. We met up later after making up and, we have good time, everything felt right, idk. The fight was caused by me because apparently I "freaked out" (because I've never heard good news in my life when I've heard "we have to talk" from someone I'm dating).
I won't mention that she was talking like relationship is a huge step and she isnt sure about it and she wants to go at her own pace and things like that. I was okay with that, I was affectionate and she was usually cold towards that saying that she doesnt want to get attatched and similar things and at the same time talking dirty to me sometimes. I also should mention that she has a ton of guy friends.
Then we had another fight about some stupid thing like before too. Like basically meaningless stuff that did not matter at all. It ended with her not messaging me for 6 days straight and I just got tired and deleted her everywhere besides one app because if she acts like a child so be it. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Like 1-2 hours after I have done that she messages me like nothing happens. I am 100% sure its not a coincidence and she only messaged me because she noticed that. And then she mentions that I deleted her everywhere and how nice it is of me. Then I just told her that I don't see us having a future because she keeps using silent treatment which is a deal breaker to me. And she laughs at me saying that I was not on silent treatment (though we ended last convo on a fight) and I'm a clingy insecure incel or something like that. I was over it anyway since the last fight and didn't feel a thing so we just had few messages back and forth - I was trying to be as polite as possible, she was trying quite the opposite. Then she blocked me. Then she unblocked me after 20 minutes. Just to mention that now she does not regret having sex with her "situationship" 2 weeks ago.
The "situationship" is like a close guy friend that had a crush on her but she rejected him. She had multiple of those. She had more guy friends than I have lol. She had multiple of exes with which she was still very close and friendly. At the same time she says she only slept only with one guy ever (its not like it matters but Im pretty sure it was a lie now). I'm not jealous or anything. I am just scared that this is the type of girls I will be seeing now in the future. It's like 3rd time I'm seeing someone like that. I know we didn't promise each other anything but we became close and we dated exclusively and she had sex with someone (and felt guilty about it for a reason).
I was over it yesterday and didn't want to date her anyway but now it's like somebody stabbed me multiple times in my stomach and twisted the knife badly. I feel physically ill, I didn't eat since that conversation and it was like 5 hours ago. I just don't know what to do with myself. Are those girls the only girls that will date me? Can I for once be a first option for someone and not just a spare part? I'm just so sad, man, I wish someone would just hug me and tell me it's okay to cry. I feel like vomiting after finding out she was seeing me and kissing me after having sex with a guy 2 weeks before.
I just can't stand how she intentionally decided to hurt me in the worst way possible, I wish she didn't say that but at the same time I deserve the truth though. But it was said like "in your face, bitch, I had sex with someone when we were dating and that wasn't you, you loser".
"I have no idea what is your approach to these things" rings a bell now. Because she said it like 3 days after she fucked that "friend" of hers. So she felt guilty because she knew that she has done something shitty. She gave me specific date when they had sex and it all adds up. She lied to me. Multiple times apparently. She didn't know what is my approach to those things meaning she did not know how I would react to "oh i had sex with someone else". And she only informed me about it when we had a huge fight. So she never thought about me seriously and just wasted my time.
By the way - throughout those 2 months I saw multiple times her pics on dating profile change, her bio change, her location change and other details about her change in the app. Constantly. Like every 10 days or so there was a small change. It's not like I was checking it every hour but like once every 2 weeks or so just to look at her mostly lol because I really liked looking at her.
I bought flowers for this girl. I was pouring compliment after compliment until she was blushing and almost cried with happiness. I was there for her mental breakdowns and I just always provided support, I was thinking about her all the time. I fucking bought a post card for her when I had small vacations. I wrote it specifically for her putting some easter eggs inside that only we both can laugh at. I almost told her that I love her and I only said that to 2 people in my life so far. We both assured each other multiple times that we are exclusive and we both don't want to date any other person and we want to keep dating each other and progress into relationship phase. I was doing literally anything I could thought of to make her feel secure and comfortable. Meanwhile she had sex with someone and stated that she doesn’t feel any guilt about it because we weren’t in the relationship. Like what? We were already going on dates, several dates. And she stated that she did „what a good friend would do”. Like I don’t really want to date anyone after reading all of that. How shitty can one person be?
Is there a chance that I will meet a girl who won't do things like this ever? This is like second time I'm going through some kind of infidelity stuff and it's just... I'm tired boss. My last relationship ended after 2 years because my gf was unfaithful. She basically was sleeping around and sexting multiple people. I just want to find my one and only and be the romantic guy who appreciates the other person 24/7 and is caring and loving and would do literally anything for that special someone. I want to see sunsets and sunrises and look into her eyes and think that I don't want to look into any other eyes. I want to fall in love so deeply that I literally want to spend each hour with that person. I am always honest, focused 100% on only the person I'm seeing and not seeing any other people around and not caring about any other "date opportunities" or stuff like that. She made me open up about things that previously took years for me to speak about. She gave me more compliments in those 2 months than I ever heard in my whole life previously. She made me feel loved. She made me feel wonderful, blissful. And at the same time she stabbed me multiple times and I bleed it out.
Like I have all these questions:

• How am I supposed to trust someone after such a betrayal when they have been acting so perfectly good to me and were so supportive, nice and "honest" all the time besides that one time where they cheated on me?
• Am I not worthy of loving?
• Not worthy of faithfulness?
• Not worthy of a proper communication?
• Not worthy of honesty?
• Does everybody lie? Why do people do this?
• Why do I have to go through all of these experiences one after another, can't like I have a good time with someone and hear that I'm great and it's all good but the vibe isn't quite there or something like that?
• Why do I always have to be hurt in the worst way possible? I've never broken up with anyone before. I always give chances and never lose hope unless something really bad happened.
• Will it ever stop?
• Will I have to keep living and experiencing more and more painful relations until I physically cannot take it anymore?
• Why have I never felt NOT alone throughout my life?
• Why is everyone I'm dating so toxic?
• What's the deal with dating world these days? There is always another option but that doesn't mean shitty behavior is acceptable or something.
• Why is that pain more powerful each time?
• Does loyalty even exist these days?
• Why. Just why. Jesus christ.

If you will read this – I know you use reddit – I wish you to never feel the way you made me feel. I’m absolutely destroyed, you ruined me. I told you that I trust you. You destroyed it. I will always have trust issues towards any woman in my life forever until I die. I hope you’re proud of your little manipulational psychological tricks and immature behaviour. Your actions always have consequences.

I(28F) have been friends with with Kevin(26M) for almost 4yrs. I’ve been with my boyfriend Daniel(24M) for 4yrs so naturally Daniel & Kevin became close like brothers. Daniel, Kevin & I have been living together for 3yrs. Kevin has been dating Natalie(22F) for less than a year. At first we loved having her over she was sweet,talkative, friendly and I was looking forward to having a new girl friend. Until we started to notice her toxic behavior. I’ll give some examples: she goes thru his phone, if he came to our house instead of hanging out in the living room with the rest of us she’d go to Kevin’s room and if he didn’t follow her she’d pick a fight, if he didn’t respond to her texts sometimes he did warn her ahead of time cuz he’d be busy with work, school or helping us out with something she’d blow up his phone and would cry and yell hysterically, if he had class on her day off she would sit in her car in the school’s parking lot for the 5hrs he’d be in class. What really concerned me was she went thru his posts, likes and comments on Instagram, she began to stalk and harass (a girl he actually knew not a random girl) cuz he made too many comments on her posts( long before they got together). She ended her friendship with Kevin cuz of Natalie’s harassment. After noticing this behavior we have asked him if he’s happy he admitted he isn’t but isn’t willing to give up on their relationship. We don’t want to butt in and give advice cuz we don’t think it’s our place and we don’t want her to think we’re advising him to break up with her. But later Daniel found out that she looks down on our relationship cuz of our sense of humor and how we shit talk to each other and she has called Daniel some derogatory names cuz after hanging out Kevin didn’t go to her car right away cuz he got caught up in a conversation with Daniel(not about her). The I noticed that when I would text Kevin about household related things (ie rent & chores) he wouldn’t text me but would tell Daniel the answer to my question and ask him to pass it to me. I admit I became paranoid that Natalie was stalking my social media even though she knows who I am and that I’m with Daniel but my concerns got the best of me so I blocked her. A few days after I blocked Natalie I tried to message Kevin on Facebook and it said “15 mutual friends. You and Kevin are not friends on Facebook” so I told Daniel and he questioned Kevin about it & he had no clue. It turns out that Natalie went thru his social media and unfriended me on all his accounts cuz I blocked her, she claimed she did it out of anger. I unblocked her and limited my contact with Kevin to ease her issues. But he hasn’t tried to add me back or replied to my texts but will still answer them thru Daniel, nor has she tried to apologize for going thru his social media. I felt like she put an end to our friendship so I sent him a lengthy text apologizing for blocking Natalie cuz I didn’t know it would trigger her, that I couldn’t continue being friends with him due to Natalie’s toxic behavior and me feeling unsafe & uncomfortable and I would block him to ease her issues. He replied saying that this is coming out of nowhere, howNatalie never had an issue with me, that she wasn’t stalking my social media, claimed I only blocked her after finding out what she said about Daniel, she’s never done anything to make me feel unsafe or uncomfortable and that she’s always been respectful. I haven’t responded. AITAH for ending our friendship?