Birthday poem for deceased daughter

I met Luna on a train two years ago. I’d just escaped from a toxic relationship, so romance was the last thing on my mind, but then she sat across from me in the carriage and asked about the book I was reading. She had a copy in her bag and wanted to know if it was any good.
I'd never felt such an instant, effortless connection with anybody before. I took a chance and asked her to dinner, and by the time the waiters cleared away our desserts, I already felt comfortable being vulnerable around her. So we went on a second date. And a third. And next thing I knew, we were planning our second anniversary.
In all that time she never gave off any 'creeper' vibes. Until a few months ago, when I stayed the night over at her place...
She'd gotten up early to use the bathroom. I grabbed her laptop off the side desk so I could catch up on some work e-mails, and the incognito tab was just sitting there. My first thought was: either she's having an affair or she's got a secret fetish.
What I found instead was a Google account with a photo album called ‘Michael’s EX’. In it, there were 427 photos of my former girlfriend turned psycho stalker, Sadie. This included shots of ‘Sadie the stalker’ with her family, screenshots of her passport—the works. On Facebook, Sadie's latest post said Moving to the Philippines, and since then she’d become a social media church mouse, so how did Luna keep her under surveillance? And how did you even get PERSONAL ID from a person halfway across the globe?
Down the hall, I heard the bathroom door swing open. Quickly I closed the laptop and pretended to be asleep until Luna planted a kiss on my lips. “Wakey wakey Bugs.”
I faked a stretch. “Morning Lola."
(At school, the other kids christened me ‘Bugs’ because of my cartoonishly large front teeth; I called Luna ‘Lola’ because of her blonde bangs and heart-shaped face.)
“How about we grab a fry for breakfast?” Her smile didn’t seem genuine, more like she was wearing a mask.
“Crap. I forgot I’m doing overtime today, I’ve gotta get to work.” With that, I shot out of there faster than a bullet train to Tokyo.
Because I didn’t wanna believe the worst about someone I cared so deeply about, I didn’t contact the police (not that anybody could’ve guessed what Luna was up to) and made excuses whenever she asked to meet, delaying the decision whether to end our relationship.
At night, I couldn’t sleep. Every time a hedge rustled outside, I’d run to the window and pull back the curtain only to discover a black cat skulking around the garden. I put this down to my previous relationship leaving me with a mountain of unresolved PTSD.
Sadie the stalker also seemed normal until we moved in together. After that she started picking fights if she caught me talking to another woman, even just distant relatives or childhood friends. The screaming matches went from weekly to nightly, only ever ending when I conceded to her every wish and gave her full access to my phone and social media accounts. I literally needed to grab my clothes into a bag and run away one night, and then I started hearing noises outside my new apartment. And although I never found any evidence, I was pretty sure she’d broken in at one point because the books on my side table were suddenly out of order one day. What hurt the most was Luna knew all this and still acted the way she did.
Right as I reached my lowest point, my close friend Gertrude called and said, “The universe is telling me you could use a sympathetic ear.”
I told her the universe didn’t know the half of it.
I’d met Gertrude—aka my surrogate mother—on a flight to London. Passing over Wales the aircraft hit heavy turbulence, and the grey-haired hippie in the seat next to mine squeezed my hand so tight that my fingers turned blue. After we levelled off, she apologized and said, “So what’s calling you to London?”
“A job.”
A few glasses of wine from the service trolley later, she blurted out, “You know your aura is strikingly similar to my husbands.”
“Uhh, thanks. Where is he now?”
“Oh, he burned to death in a house fire.”
Gertrude’s eyes started welling up. To take her mind off the subject, I said, “I lied earlier. I’m going to London because I fell in love with a Londoner.” I pulled up pictures of Sadie (back in her pre-stalker days) on my phone. “We met in Italy. She looked flustered trying to read a map book so I offered to help. Next thing I knew, we were planning a trip to this place called Orvieto.”
“Michael, I need to know how this story ends. Gimme your number.”
Since then, we’d met two or three times a year.
I laid the whole mess out over pizza. It was the first time since finding the Google account I didn’t feel hidden eyes crawling all over me.
Just as I wrapped up the story, over in the corner booth, a family burst into a chorus of happy birthday. A waiter appeared carrying a chocolate cake, capped by a giant candle that looked more like a flare. Gertrude tensed up.
“So what do you think about all this?” I asked.
She looked back at me and said, “It’s possible your reaction has been a touch on the dramatic side.”
“DRAMATIC??”
“Well consider things from Luna’s point of view. Your last relationship lasted for, what, three years? Maybe she felt threatened.”
“I don’t believe this.” I grabbed a cigarette from my pocket, but Gertrude snatched it away.
“You know how I feel about you poisoning your lungs, Michael.”
“Don’t you start. I got enough of that crap from Luna.”
Gertrude always encouraged me to work through my romantic problems. Ultimately, I decided her love of fairytale romances clouded her judgement and ghosted Luna instead. But I couldn’t escape her shadow. She always felt close. In fact, it got so bad that at a friend’s costume party several weeks later, my eyes kept compulsively scanning the crowd as if she was there in disguise, ready to pounce.
I stood off to the corner until, over the sea of heads, I spotted a beautiful stranger dressed as Jarlath the Goblin King. I took a shot of liquid courage and made a B-line towards her.
Halfway across the crowded room, beer splashed across the front of my Ziggy Stardust outfit.
“I am so sorry,” a female pirate said, patting me dry.
“Don’t worry about it.” Every time I tried circling her, she moved to cut me off.
“I am such a klutz. Why don’t you come into the kitchen so I can clean up this mess?”
I put my hands on her shoulders and steered her out of the way. “It’s fine. Trust me.”
Approaching Jarlath from behind, heart slamming against my chest, I said, “Well this is awkward. One of us is gonna have to change.”
Jennie had bright blue eyes and dimples impossible to miss. Ten minutes into our debate about David Bowie’s greatest album, I said, “You know Absolute Bowie are playing the Half Moon next week. I could take you?”
“Sorry. I’m going with my boyfriend,” she said with a sympathetic smile. From beside the buffet table, the pirate stared daggers in our direction.
“No worries,” I replied, despite the fact I was brimming with jealousy.
The next day, as I jogged off my hangover, a brown-haired lady cut across my path and we both went spinning to the ground.
“Flip, sorry.” I rushed to pull her up by the hands. “I’m like a bloody zombie lately.”
She did a doubletake. “Ziggy, right?”
There was no mistaking those eyes. “Jarlath?”
“Well, Jarlath or Jennie. Eithers fine.”
“Right. Well, sorry again. Enjoy Absolute Bowie.”
Before I could jog away, she said, “Hey, so that guy I was seeing? Turns out he’s a total prick.”
Jennie and I went for coffee. Coffee morphed into drinks. Drinks morphed into a steamy make-out session on my sofa.
But as she covered my neck in soft kisses, my stomach turned. It felt like cheating. So, I put the brakes on things and said, “I can’t do this. I’m really sorry. You’re amazing, but I just got out of a serious relationship…and…it’s just…”
“Hey, don’t worry about it.”
We agreed we’d let our connection blossom in its own time.
Jennie had a playful mystique to her. Within a handful of dates, we’d developed inside jokes and could tell what the other was thinking. But Luna’s imprint was hard to shake, to the extent I almost mixed up the two ladies’ names multiple times.
To detox, I suggested Jennie and I spend a romantic weekend in the Lake District, because after two days of hiking and kayaking my ex would no doubt be a spec in the rearview mirror.
Hours before we set off, however, Luna’s mom called. She wanted to meet and wouldn’t accept any excuses.
“Look, it’s obvious why I’m here,” she said, sitting across from me in Starbucks. “Ever since you and Luna broke up, she’s been acting…different.”
“Different? Different how?”
“I call but she hardly answers. I go over to her place but she’s never there. Now she’s telling me she needs to find herself. Says she’s moving to Australia.”
Her fingers tightened around her cup. “I need to know what happened between you two. And I don’t care if that paints anybody in a bad light. I’m just worried about my daughter is all.”
I told her about the Google account.
“Did you confront her about it?”
“Hell no. I ghosted that crazy bitc—” I cleared my throat. “I mean, I just…stopped seeing her.”
She started crying so loudly customers at nearby tables paused their conversations. I touched her forearm, promised I’d call if I remembered anything else, then set off for my romantic weekend.
But while Jennie and I enjoyed all that fresh air and pub food, a thought nagged at me. Luna adored London, so why move to Australia? It seemed so out of character. Back at our rented cottage, I was so fixated on the thought I needed a smoke, badly.
“What the hell is that?” Jennie demanded, as she stepped onto the front deck.
I glanced at my hands. “Uhh, a cigarette.”
“Michael! Don’t be sarcastic. You know how I feel about those things.”
“…Do I?”
“Uhh, well it’s the same as anybody else. Quit poisoning your lungs and put that thing out.”
“Alright alright, geeze. Sorry Luna.”
“That’s okay.”
A knot formed in my stomach as she went back inside. I’d called Jennie Luna by mistake. And she hadn’t noticed. In fact, her reaction to me smoking was identical to Luna’s—even the snappy way she said the ‘poison your lungs’ line.
I followed Jennie into the lounge, where she’d curled up on an armchair with a Colleen Hoover novel. She was hiding something. What else did she know about Luna? Maybe I could trick her into revealing some details…
From behind, I started massaging her shoulders. “Sorry for being rude before. I know what you said came from a place of love.”
“That’s okay.”
I waited until her eyes drooped shut, then said, “It really is perfect here, huh? Maybe we should stay forever.”
“Wouldn’t that be amazing?”
Her little groans of pleasure, the rhythm of her breathing, it all felt so familiar. I waited until the tension in her neck dissolved, then I pushed my lips against her ear and whispered, “So how about we take this into the bedroom…Lola.”
“Hmm. Sure thing Bugs.”
My hands froze. Jennie jumped up. “Uhh, that felt so good, why’d you stop?”
“What did you just say?”
“What did you just say?”
“I called you Lola,” I replied, my arms frozen in midair. “And you called me bugs.”
“Like the cartoon, right? I thought it’d be a cute nickname. Anyway, I’m tuckered out.” She forced a yawn. “Why don’t we get some sleep?”
As her hand laced with mine, an image of me waking up drugged and gagged and tied to the bedposts flashed before my eyes.
I said, “Sure. I just…need to use the bathroom first.”
The second the door shut behind me, I flew out of the house, climbed in my car, and sped away.
Within seconds my phone started blowing up with calls, followed by texts. Where are you going? Is everything okay?
No, I wanted to reply. I’m onto your sick little game. Whatever it is, I’m onto it.
Luna stalked my stalker, now Jennie somehow knew Luna and I’s nicknames. How? Did all women take turns drawing straws and whoever picked the short one needed to become my girlfriend?
I couldn’t go home. For all I knew, my exes would’ve been there burning effigies of me. I needed a safe place. Somewhere I could lie low until I got all this straightened out.
“Of course you can stay,” Gertrude said over the phone. “I’m out with some friends, but I’ll meet you later. If you hop the side gate there’s a spare key under the kissing gnomes out back.”
Gertrude lived in a detached house in Wembley. It took a bit of foraging to find the gnomes hidden beneath the weeds in the brown, patchy garden.
I needed to shoulder the door open. Inside, a mountain of letters and flyers had piled up on the welcome mat.
Down the hall, a huge archway connected the landing with a lounge, where a bar sat against the far wall, surrounded by upholstered sofas, a low table, and tie dye sheets strung over the filthy carpet. Everything had a real elegant vibe, despite the musty air.
I’d drained two glasses of whiskey before Gertrude arrived.
“Looks like you’ve had a rough evening.”
I said we could talk in the morning.
“Not a chance. You can’t take negative energy to bed. Come on, confession is good for the soul.”
She sat on the sofa and patted the empty seat next to her. So, with a weary sigh, I shared a tale of deranged exes.
“Crazy,” she said.
“I sure can pick ‘em, huh?”
“No, I mean you’re crazy.”
“What?”
“Think about it. What’s more likely: that your ex’s are secretly in collusion, or you’re being paranoid? Look how bloodshot your eyes are. When’s the last time you got a good night’s rest?”
She made a great point; teenagers on the street occasionally shouted ‘Bugs’ or ‘Thumper’ at me. Jennie might’ve come up with the nickname herself. I pinched the bridge of my nose, groaning.
“Look, sleep here tonight. Tomorrow we’ll brainstorm ways you can make it up to Jennie.”
I fumbled through my pockets for a cigarette.
“Really?” Gertrude said. “If you insist on poisoning your lungs, can you at least do it away from my home?”
“Well if I can’t smoke, I’m gonna need a refill.” I shook my empty glass.
On my way toward the bar, a wave of wooziness hit me. My first instinct was to blame it on the alcohol, but there was something else.
It was her reaction to the cigarette. My finger ran through the thick layer of dust along the bar’s countertop. Why was it like the place had been abandoned? Why did Gertrude always pressure me to stay with my psycho girlfriends? And how come she always reached out, as if on cue, whenever my relationships hit problems? It couldn’t be coincidence…
I poured two glasses of whiskey and carried them to the sofa. “So, you’re really against the whole smoking thing, huh?”
“Of course. It’s a filthy habit.”
“Yeah. Plus, there was that mess with your husband. House fire, right?”
“I’d rather not discuss it.”
“Sure, sure.” I ignited the lighter with a roll across my trouser leg.
Gertrude grabbed a cushion and hugged it. “What are you doing?”
“Alright, cut the crap. What the hell’s going on? Have you been sending your friends to date me?”
“What are you talking about?”
I wrestled the cushion from her and held the lighter beneath it. “I want an explanation right now or I’m torching this place.”
This was an empty threat. I wasn’t some pyromaniac—I just wanted answers. Inch by inch, I raised the flame. “Last chance. Why are the women in my life acting weird?”
Gertrude grabbed for the lighter. As I swatted her wrists away, we both got scorched, and for a moment her skin went wild with spasms, a sensation I can only compare to reaching inside a bucket of wet, writhing maggots. My gaze whipped between her face and her hands, which vibrated like plucked guitar strings.
Before I could scream, she yanked me up, clamped a cold, wrinkled palm across my mouth, and forced me against the wall. I thrashed around, unable to move. For a lady old enough to collect a pension, she was crazy strong.
She waited until I ran out of breath, then said, “Michael, please. I’m not going to hurt you. Open your heart and listen.”
What else could I do?
“You were right before. I have been keeping a secret from you. The truth is, I’ve been in love with you since we met. I’d never flown before. And you were so so sweet. You started talking about this other woman, but I knew our energies were perfect for each other. And it’s like I always say, love makes us do crazy things. You can’t begrudge me that can you?”
She looked as if she expected me to respond, so I shook my head.
“But I think we’ve reached a point where our connection is so deep we can be completely transparent with one another.” She took a slow, steady breath. “Michael, all your ex’s, Luna, Sadie, Jennie. They’ve all been…well, me.”
I stared at her, confused.
She sighed. “It’ll be easier if I just show you.”
Out of nowhere her hand wriggled again, then her face tightened, as though the skin was being stretched over the bone. Wrinkles smoothed out and colour bled into her grey hair, turning it brown, and within seconds I found myself face-to-face with Jennie. Even her vintage clothes morphed into a green blouse and white slacks.
“See?” she said in Jennie’s voice, her now blue eyes locked on mine.
I screamed into the soft flesh of her palm.
“Sssh, it’s okay. I’m not gonna hurt you. Watch.”
Her entire body jerked and twitched, the muscles spasming as she shifted from Jennie to Luna. “See? Think of these as costumes”—from Luna to Sadie—"the important thing is what’s underneath. And you’ve fallen in love with what’s underneath three times. Now I’m going to let go, but I need you to promise you won’t overreact. Understand?”
On the verge of a panic attack, I nodded furiously.
The second she pulled away I made a break for the exit. The thing posing as Sadie grabbed me and hurled me backwards against the wall.
Like a disappointed teacher, she put her hands on her hips. “I’ve been so patient with you, Michael. So very, very patient.”
She blocked off any hope of escape. I sidestepped around the outer edge of the room, towards the bar.
“All those years moulding you. Trying to grow you into the man I know you can be. I really thought we had it this time. For the record, I wanted to do this the easy way. But drastic times...”
I was so scared I slammed right into the cabinet and yelped. Glass bottles chattered together, and then something wet ran down the back of my shirt. It was whiskey, leaking from the overturned bottle onto the carpeted floor.
Speaking more to herself now, Gertrude said, “I’ll just have to keep you here until you love me as much as I love you. Of course, that means posing as you so nobody gets suspicious, but that’s no trouble. I’ll tell your dad you’re moving to Italy. You always loved Italy.”
Pose as me? She'd been killing my ex's and taking their place, I was just the latest in a long line. She’d keep me as a personal sugar baby if I didn’t escape, but how? She was impossibly strong, and the only thing that seemed to scare her was…
Snatching the bottle, I doused the remaining whiskey all over the carpet and furniture. As I flicked the lighter open, Sadie’s hands shot up.
“Bugs…darling…what are you doing?”
I took three slow, steady breaths. “Breaking up with you, you crazy bitch.”
I tossed the lighter forward. Within seconds flames sprung up all around us, spreading as far as the sofa. Sadie’s shoe caught fire, and as she stamped around, unintentionally fanning the blaze, her body writhed again, starting with the ankles. Fat boils climbed up every inch of exposed skin, milky white and with the consistency of frog spawn, like she’d had a killer allergic reaction to poison ivy.
She dropped to her knees, wailing like a wounded animal. This was my chance.
I made a break for the exit, giving the creature as wide a berth as possible. But as I got one foot planted in the hall something clamped tight around my ankles. My chin hit the floor, then I started sliding backwards.
I twisted onto my back. Where Sadie’s left arm should’ve been, a tentacle-like appendage stretched across the length of the room, a distance of over twenty feet. It reeled me toward her like a fish on a line. Whatever that thing was no longer looked human. It melted like an ice statue, with no bones or connective tissue inside, its lips nose and mouth becoming hideously elongated before dripping off in huge globs like melted candlewax. A fire alarm started wailing as the tentacle dragged me through the flames, scorching my arms and legs.
The loose mass of skin reached out and encased me like a mother bird sheltering its eggs.
“WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME?” all my ex’s voices screamed at once. Whichever direction I looked, silhouettes of faces rose and fell, as if trying to burst through. Parts of them dripped inside my mouth, disgustingly warm with a bitter taste worse than Vaseline.
I put everything into clawing my way out if there. What was left of the beast had the consistency of wet clay and came apart just as easily. I tore away chunks until there was a hole large enough to squeeze through. Then, I crawled along surrounded by black smoke.
At the far side of the room I risked a glance back and saw a bumpy, uneven hand reaching out of a puddle of ooze. Soon I was crawling over the bristly welcome mat, then fumbling for the door. All I remember after that are paramedics wrestling me into an ambulance…
A specialist officer came to see me at the hospital the next morning. They’d been unable to contact the homeowner, Gertrude Huyton, and through his line of questioning I could tell they hadn’t found her ‘remains’ inside the charred house. Like the wicked witch of the West, my stalker had melted. I told the officer she said I could stay the night, and that I probably started the fire by dropping a cigarette.
“In that case, we’ll keep trying to reach her.” He walked to the curtain surronding my bed and paused. “Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, her cat is missing.”
“Her...cat?”
“Yeah. The little black one. One of the firemen pulled it out of the wreckage. The poor thing had burns over its legs but it ran off before anybody could take it to the vet.”
I swallowed a gulp and thanked him for telling me.
And now I’m still sitting here listening while nurses rush back and forth, terrified any one of them might be Gertrude…

Signs of Autism?
My bf's daughter is 3.3

• is speech delayed and already in therapy for that. She just recently started saying "Grandma" and "Grandpa" correctly. Even after several months is still not able to say my first name. When she wants something mostly starts making small screams instead of asking for it (she is definitely able to communicate it with words) and only recently started asking with words for help. Still babbles quite a lot and makes animal noises very often and acts like she is this animal
  
• is not interested in other children and recently screamed at other kids in a museum to "Go away". At a birthday party mostly played by herself and interacted with others only when they initiated it. Did not seemed to know who the birthday girl is. Never talks about other kids from her daycare or what she did all day. When her cousins are visiting, mostly does not play together with them.
  
• her doctor said there is not need to worry about her walking, but she stumbles quite often and sometimes walks like she is drunk. When walking down stairs it looks like she is much younger. Is visiting a gymnastic course every week but has poor motoric skills.
  
• does not know how much strength she has and at least ones a day accidently hurts her dad or me. Is still throwing stuff quite a lot and for example threw a shoe in my face yesterday (her dads shoe, he wanted to put it on but she kept running away from him and hiding it) Or recently scratched me through the face/eyes when I tried to put her in her car seat, even tough she told me that I should do that. Often tries to hit you in the face or uses toys to poke your eyes.
  
• likes licking weird stuff (feet, chairs, frozen laminated tofu) and gets upset when told that other people don't like to be licked by her. Still puts a lot of different stuff in her mouth and chews on it.
  

Sometimes spits on the floor, because she saw someone do that in a movie.

• Eats basically the same thing every day. Is not interested in a strawberry for example in the morning, even tough she loves them. Starts being interested again in the afternoon. (Only eats specific foods during specific hours)

Breakfast in the last seven months has been mostly bread with butter, lunch dry spaghetti and dinner cucumber, strawberry, cheese and sometimes bread without anything on it. Is obsessed with ice cream and starts screaming when not allowed to have it for breakfast.
Never heard her saying she is hungry. Sometimes says when she is "done" with eating, but it's mostly just possible to see that because she starts spitting it on the floor or throwing it.

• wants hugs etc...but during a meltdown does not want to be touched. When having slept half an hour not enough, has meltdowns all day long (every five to ten minutes)
  
• listens to her name occasionally but it's hard to get her attention.
  
• laughs when other people get hurt
  
• wants to watch the same short clip, several times in a row//does the same action during roleplay over and over again (for hours)
  
• has a meltdown when walking the dog, because he is not taking the route she wants to go, (unexpected new route)//pulls his tail
  
• getting somewhere, being somewhere and going away from somewhere is always stressful. She doesnt wanna go, put on her clothes and is always running away and when we finally get somewhere it's stressfull too. Then she runs away too. When we want to go, the meltdowns start again.
  

I am grateful to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for offering me this precious opportunity to share my experience of practising Buddhism with you.
I am 62 years old. Today, I can eat, sleep and walk like a normal person. However, did you know that I once was a paralyzed woman who could not even get up from bed, had difficulty turning over, and could not take care of myself? Through practising Buddhism and reciting Buddhist scriptures, I have completely freed myself from the misery of hell. I want to tell you with hard facts that practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures has not only given me a second life, but has also benefited me immensely. I want to share with you how I transformed myself from paralysis to health within four years without undergoing any surgery! May my presentation plant the seeds of bodhi in your hearts, so that more people will have faith in Guan Yin Bodhisattva who has boundless supernatural power, and recite Buddhist scriptures as soon as possible to be free from suffering and gain happiness!
1. When I was young, I opened two bars so I created bad karma, and karmic retribution is right on my heels!
I am the eldest daughter of my family and the eldest daughter-in-law of my in-laws family. Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist practitioners and urged me to practise Buddhism as well. However, because of my youthful ambition and good fortune, at the age of about 36, I ran two bars and enjoyed the pleasure of earning money, not bothering to practise Buddhism at all. By then, I was young and foolish, in the bars I gained filthy money by means of woman’s charms, which invariably created a lot of bad karma. How many people lost their morals and conscience for my sake of monetary gain? How many families have been broken up behind the scenes? How many people have done many things against ethics and morality under the paralysis of alcohol? I hereby express my deepest repentance to Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Karmic retribution is inescapable. I planted the evil cause so I reap the evil effect. The bad karma I created within two years of running the bars has brought me a tragic retribution 13 years later! (So, dear fellow practitioners, please take this as a warning!)
In 2010, I was 49, my predestined 369 calamity arrived. One day in July, my karma exploded. I suddenly collapsed at home kitchen while stirring frying vegetables. In an instant, I felt that the sky was falling, and I had nowhere to turn for help. An otherwise healthy me entered a life of hell on earth from then on. Every day, I ate, drank, pooped and peed in bed, had difficulty turning over, couldn't wash my hands and face, had trouble swallowing, so it was worse than death. I was paralyzed in bed from then on. The doctor said I had a herniated disc in my lower back. All the bones in my back were misaligned. Both knee bones were necrotic and so swollen. I have visited all the local city and provincial hospitals, big and small, to seek medical care. I almost spent all the several hundreds of thousands of RMB I had gained from my bar business. However, the condition got worse and worse.
2. Since encountering the excellent Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door, I have been practicing Buddhism hard to overcome any obstacles on the way and finally achieved a new life.
Perhaps it was the blessing from my family members who had been making offerings to the Buddha and practising Buddhism for years. Thanks to the mercy of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, I finally encountered the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door in 2012 when I was in the most desperate situation in my life. The person next door to my bar heard that I was sick and came to see me. She brought me Buddhist scripture, recitation device, Buddhism in Plain Terms, counters and many other Dharma gems. She told me the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door was very efficacious, and asked me to try it. Although I could not move on bed, I listened all Master Lu's recordings like a thirst. I was pleasantly surprised to hear cases of patients who had been cured of cancer and serious illnesses by practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures. The recordings of Master Lu's programs were like a bright beacon in the darkness, bringing me hope for life and giving me great encouragement. I felt I was awakened by a powerful energy, stirring up my strong desire to live. I told myself: I must survive; I must save myself! I started to practice Buddhism and recite scriptures as if I had grabbed a lifeline.
I am illiterate, so I had to lie in bed every day and learn to recite word by word with the recitation device. Due to the heavy karma, there was no virtuous and the high-minded practitioner around to teach me how to burn the Little Houses in a rational and lawful way. I foolishly took an ashtray instead of a plate to burn the Little Houses, which resulted in the ashtray blowing up. In order to eliminate karma quickly, I was foolishly reciting the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night, which resulted in the light bulbs breaking several times (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: Master Lu enlightened us not to recite the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night. Please make sure to read the Introduction to Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door carefully in order to avoid practising Buddhism irrationally). Therefore, we must follow the instructions of Master Lu, and never do what the Master does not allow us to do. The whole process of reciting Buddhist scriptures to eliminate karma is very bumpy. It is really easy to create karma, but very hard to eliminate it! However, I firmly believed that the Bodhisattva is infinitely powerful. As long as I diligently practised Buddhism, my fate would definitely get changed. Hence, I relied on the blissful cases in Master Lu's recordings as my spiritual support. I kept persevering, not afraid of any difficulties, and recklessly recited Buddhist scriptures.
Since I ate, drank and pooped in bed, my aura was very bad. As I could not get up by myself, so I had to lie in bed to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. I felt guilty and torn, wondering if this was the appropriate way to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. Will it affect the effect of the recitation? Gratitude to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassion, and I dreamed of Master Lu that night. Master Lu who was dressed in a black suit smiled at me and kindly comforted me: “don't worry.” After I woke up, I was very grateful for Master Lu's compassion. Master Lu knew about my special situation, so this is a sympathy and a condolence to me. After I recited Buddhist scriptures 4 to 5 months late, my neck and head were able to turn significantly. Such a Dharma blissful change thrilled me. All the trials and perseverance I had gone through in the past had not been in vain. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has boundless supernatural power, which had given me a glimmer of hope for recovery! (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: In the absence of illness, recitation of Buddhist scriptures must be respectful. A point of respect harvests a point of benefit.)
3. The unique characteristics of attending the Dharma conference and formally acknowledging Jun Hong Lu as my master allow my physical health to improve with Dharma joy
In February 2017, I befriended a fellow practitioner. She invited me to attend the Macau Dharma Convention together. I thought to myself: “can I take the bus by myself?” “Can I attend the conference?” With a strong faith from my inner heart, I attended the conference via keeping reciting the Great Compassion Mantra on the trip. Unbelievably, I arrived at the conference as I wished with the blessing and protection of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, although my bulky legs could only barely support my body in the seat. I was in tears when I listened Master Lu's wise words and saw the holy icon of Guan Yin Bodhisattva. On the night of the conference, I dreamed of Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for saving me from suffering and giving me a new life. At the end of the Macau Dharma Convention, I instantly made two vows: to be a vegetarian for 15 days per month and liberate 10,000 fish.
Before I attended the Macau Dharma Convention, I had to take a break whenever I walked two steps, and my body was not able to move much. After returning, my legs started to become strong enough to support my body and I could walk on flat ground. Despite they were not very flexible, they were no longer the same as when I was paralyzed like a limp in bed. My whole body is getting better and better in essence, vital energy, and spirit. I was very surprised! Master Lu has enlightened that there are many Buddhas and Bodhisattvas coming to bless attendees at each Dharma conference!
In August 2017, before the Dharma Convention in Malaysia, my fellow practitioners urged me to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as my master. Since I am an illiterate, compassionate fellow practitioners helped me to fill out the application form of seeking discipleship. My fellow practitioners told me that there were so many people wanted to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as their master that I might not be able to reach my wish this time. Then, I had to wait for the opportunity next Dharma Convention. I told myself that whether I could reach my wish or not this time, I would actively participate in Master Lu’s Dharma Convention. Considering my age, it is a blessing for me to attend one more Dharma Convention. To my surprise, one week later, my application for seeking discipleship was approved. Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
On the day of seeking discipleship, I was very excited. During the process of seeking discipleship, I heard a voice in stereo that was very loud. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see Tathagata Buddha, and many other Bodhisattvas coming down from heaven. At that moment, I saw that the upper half of Master Lu's Dharmakaya appeared transparent with a huge lotus flower. I was suddenly moved to tears. I was oblivious to the fact that Master Lu had come to my side until the time of issuing the discipleship certificate. Master Lu was very compassionate and empowered me with blessing. Master Lu enlightened, "Because five people opened their eyes during the worship ceremony, they have no lotuses planted in the pure land. But it's okay, when the ceremony is over, you can go to the front and kowtow to ask the Bodhisattva (to plant a lotus)." I then rushed to the front to worship. Before I finished worshiping Bodhisattva, a young fellow practitioner came over. He asked, "How do you feel? Did you see anything?" I said, "I saw Tathagata Buddha." He asked, "How are you sure that was Tathagata Buddha?" I said, "Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist disciples, and Tathagata Buddha has curly hair."
I was grateful for the compassionate blessing from Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu. When I returned home after seeking discipleship, I made two vows: to be a vegetarian for the rest of my life and never kill (animals). The power of a vow outweighs the force of karma. After I made the vows, Master Lu’s Dharmakaya came to help me heal my legs in my dreams. Once, I saw Master Lu’s Dharmakaya passing by my room while I was half-squinted. Master Lu asked me, "Which foot is uncomfortable? Where is aching?" Instantly I woke up and then I found that my feet didn't feel as heavy as they used to be and I walked more lightly. I excitedly shared the news with my old father, "Master Lu has come to bless me again!" I am grateful to Master Lu for his compassionate care for every sentient being. Every time I dreamed of Master Lu, he would always compassionately endow me with abundance of blessing, and I was always surprised by the improvement in my health.
In a short time, I could not only separate my feet and take turns to walk up and down the stairs independently. Moreover, I could bend back and forth freely with my arms crossed. The bones in my back, which were all misaligned and uneven, were now completely normal again. Previously, I couldn't raise my hands to wash my face, brush my teeth or comb my hair because the bones in my back would pull the nerves and cause severe pain when I raised my hands. In those days, whenever I sneezed or defecated, I felt like to cheat death on pain. In those hellish day I went through unimaginable pain and suffering. Now, however, I can take care of myself completely and move around freely. Sometimes I get a little tired after walking for too long, but I can recover after 10 minutes of rest in bed. Although it is still slightly bumpy while I was walking, if you don't look closely, you can't see it. My family was overwhelmed to see the dramatic change from being paralyzed and bedridden to walking independently since I practised Buddhism. My old father, who was taking care of me at the bedside, complimented me straight away: you have completely changed, becoming healthier and healthier now! I was so excited that I had tears in my eyes. Without the rescue of Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I really wouldn't have the blissful transformation I have today!
In 2019, at the Dharma conferences of Indonesia and Singapore, I pleaded with my fellow practitioners to be merciful to give me the opportunity to volunteer. According to the rules of the Dharma conference, I was already overage. However, I was adamant that I must do volunteer work. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has given me a second life, so I have to serve all sentient beings physically. I am grateful for Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva who helped me out. When I came back from the conferences, I found that I could bend and squat easily and freely, and I had no problem even sitting on the floor. I am grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for compassionately helping me to eliminate my karma at every conference, so that I can obtain incredible blessings and improvement occur every time.
4. The incredible blessing of setting up the Buddhist altar accelerated my health recovery and created a medical miracle.
From the time I set up the Buddhist altar in 2017, I insisted on offering Bodhisattvas incenses morning and evening every day. At first, the body was still straight and could not bend and bow. For two years, in front of the Buddhist altar, I prayed for Bodhisattvas to bless me so that I could recover my health a little better so I can use my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Dharma. Gradually, I was able to stand to offer incense to Bodhisattvas, to bend and bow, and finally to kneel in front of the Buddhist altar to recite the scriptures. I was full of Dharma joy! Initially, my back still hurt from kneeling. With the karmic obstacles being removed, my back didn't hurt anymore. Sometimes when I went out with fellow practitioners to set up the Buddhist altar, particularly on the Buddha's Birthday, I could kneel to recite the Eighty-eight Buddhas Great Repentance for an hour and a half. My fellow practitioners couldn't keep it up, so I was the only one who kept it up until the end. I am so grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassionate blessing!
At one time, the doctor at the provincial hospital told me that I had to have surgery to put two steel plates into the bone, but I refused. Because I firmly believe that with the of blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I am afraid of nothing. Buddha is an extraordinary doctor. The only way to recover completely is to repent sincerely and practise Buddhism. I can now move as freely as a normal person. This medical miracle achieved was completely relied on practising Buddhism, reciting scriptures, being a vegetarian, helping new practitioners to set up Buddhist altars, volunteering at Dharma conferences, and actively propagating the Dharma. To improve my family economic financial, I went out to work on construction sites as a helper, do cleaning and housekeeping!
Those patients who were once slightly paralyzed did not recover as quickly and well as I did, even with surgery.
Dear readers, when you see such a dramatic change in me, what are you hesitating for? Hurry up and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite! I am the living example, the ironclad evidence. Guan Yin Bodhisattva does exist, and She is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, answers any prayers.
Thinking of the bad karma I created in the two bars when I was young, I feel grievously sinful. I have earned ill-gotten wealth, but the karma was produced, and karmic retribution is inescapable. If one hasn't been retributed, the time hasn't come yet. After I got old, all the retribution came to me. Not only did I use up all my money, but I also had to suffer from physical illness and paralysis. I advise everyone to remember Master Lu's enlightenment: Do not do anything that is evil; Do not fail to do good no matter how petty the deed; Do not engage in evil no matter how trivial the deed. Dear readers, please consider it carefully before earning any money, and don’t commit such deep sins as I did for the sake of monetary gain, or else the consequences will follow you!
Without the merciful salvation and blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I would not have been reborn today! I made a few great wows: honour the teacher and respect his teachings, live an ascetic life for lifetime, be a vegetarian lifetime, not kill, not eat eggs, not smoke, not drink; transcend the cycle of rebirth for good and attain enlightenment in one lifetime. In this life, I will follow Guan Yin Bodhisattva to cultivate my mind and change my behaviour and never quit. I will follow my benefactor, the Compassionate father, Master Lu, to propagate Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door and never stop! Although I am over 60 years, I will continue using my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Buddhism. Together with my fellow practitioners, I will get up early and go home late to help set up Buddha altars for new practitioners. No matter how far and how difficult the trip is, I will always be strict with myself. I will go wherever I am needed. Even if I am eating, as soon as I receive a mission for propagating Dharma, I will put down my chopsticks and set off without delay.
Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door is peerlessly efficacious, and Guan Yin Bodhisattva is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, saves beings from suffering, has supernatural power, and answer all prayers. As long as we have a devout heart and we persist in reciting Buddhist scriptures and practicing Buddhism, no difficulty can defeat us! My physical changes are the most powerful evidence! May my true presentation give some inspiration to those people who are still suffering from illnesses, so that they can acquire faith to practising Buddhism, and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite. May more sentient beings having affinity with Buddha break free from delusion and attain enlightenment, balance egoism and altruism, and free from suffering and gain happiness.
My deepest gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
My deepest gratitude to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas from ten directions and three periods of time!
My deepest gratitude to the Dharma protectors!
My deepest gratitude to the selfless and altruistic Master Jun Hong Lu!
If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the truth in the presentation, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors, and Master Jun Hong Lu.
I’d also like to seek forgiveness from my fellow Buddhist practitioners.
I, not my fellow practitioners, will be responsible for my own karma!
Shared by: Dharma Practitioner Ganen, Gratitude and Namaste!
Translated by: Frank
Statement by Translator

1. Story was translated from Chinese into English by meaning, not word by word. If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the true meaning of the Chinese version, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
   
2. Author Ganen was interviewed by Frank during the translation for the detailed information.
   

Propagation
It would be greatly appreciated if you would forward this presentation to all sentient beings you know, sick or healthy. You will accumulate immeasurable merits and virtues. Saving a life is more meritorious than building a seven-floor pagoda!
Would you like to change your destiny?
We will show you how to do the Five Golden Buddhist Practices of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door: (1) making vows, (2) reciting Buddhist scriptures (sutras and mantras), (3) performing life liberation, (4) reading Buddhism in Plain Terms, and (5) repenting. You will personally witness how you and your family can achieve physical and mental stability, relief from illness and grievances, wisdom growth, academic progress, career advancement, and family happiness through Dharma. It’s free of charge.
Contact
Buddhist practitioner: Lily
Email: [sunnypurplelily@gmail.com](mailto:sunnypurplelily@gmail.com)
WeChat: HanJing20210820
原文如下:
从瘫痪卧床到行走自如做家政，心灵法门创造了医学奇迹
感恩南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨！
感恩十方三世一切诸佛菩萨！
感恩龙天护法金刚菩萨！
感恩恩师慈父卢军宏台长！
感恩师兄们！
感恩大慈大悲观世音菩萨慈悲，让我能有这个宝贵的机会与大家分享我的学佛经历。我今年62岁，现在是一个能吃、能睡、能走路的正常人了。但是，你们可曾知道，曾经，我是一个连床都起不了、翻身都困难，生活完全无法自理的瘫痪老人！如今，通过学佛念经，我把自己从地狱的苦海里完全挣脱了出来。我要用铁一般的事实告诉大家：学佛念经不仅给了我第二次生命，更让我受益无穷。我要跟大家分享，在这患病的四年里，在没有经历任何手术的情况下，如何让自己从瘫痪到健康的蜕变！愿我今天的分享给有缘人种下菩提种子，让更多的人相信观世音菩萨法力无边，早日学佛念经，离苦得乐！
1. 年轻时开酒吧造恶业，得现世报！
我是家中的长女、婆家的长媳。母亲和婆婆都是学佛人，都劝我也学佛。但是，由于年轻时好胜心强，加之财运不错，36岁左右，我经营两家酒吧，享受挣钱的快乐，根本无心学佛。年轻愚痴的我经营酒吧时靠女色来赚取黑钱，赚的都是不正之财，无形中造了很多恶业。在这种灯红酒绿中生活，我为了金钱利益，让多少人丧失了自己的道德与良知？背后又造成多少个家庭的破裂？又有多少人在酒精的麻痹下做出多少违背伦理道德的事情？弟子在此向观世音菩萨深深忏悔！因果报应丝毫不爽，种恶因得恶果。开酒吧这两年中我所造下的恶业，在十几年后让我得到悲惨的现世报！所以，请大家引以为戒！
2010年我49岁，正逢“三六九”关劫。7月的一天，我的业障大爆发，在家炒菜时突然间倒下。瞬间，我感觉天塌下来，叫天天不应，叫地地不灵。一个原本健康的我从此进入人间地狱般的生活。每天，我吃喝拉撒都在床上，翻身都很困难，没法自己洗手洗脸，吞咽困难，简直生不如死。我从此瘫痪在床。医生说我是腰椎间盘突出。后背的所有骨头都错位。两个膝盖骨头坏死，肿得很大。当地市里、省里大大小小的医院我都看过了。我几乎把我做酒吧生意所赚到的几十万块钱都花光了。然而，病情越来越严重。
2. 得遇殊胜法门，坎坷学佛路中坚持不懈地修行换来重生
也许是家人一直供佛学佛的福德。承蒙观世音菩萨慈悲，在我人生绝境之时，我终于在2012年得遇心灵法门。以前我开店隔壁的人听说我病倒了，就来看我。她给我送来了经书、念佛机、《白话佛法》、计数器等很多法宝。她告诉我心灵法门很灵验，让我试试。我躺在床上虽然无法动弹，却如饥似渴地把师父的录音听了个遍。听到人们通过学佛念经把癌症、重症都治愈的案例，我惊喜万分。师父的节目录音就像黑暗中的一盏明灯，让我看到了生活的希望，给了我很大的鼓舞。在这个过程中我像被一股强大的能量加持唤醒，激起了求生的强烈欲望。我告诉自己：我一定要活过来；我一定要自己救自己！我像抓住了救命稻草似地开始拼命学佛念经。
我不识字，只能每天躺在床上跟着念佛机一字一句地学着念。由于业力牵引，身边没有遇到善知识教我如理如法地烧送小房子。愚痴的我曾拿个烟灰缸代替盘子烧送经文组合小房子，结果烟灰缸炸掉了。为了抓紧时间消业，我晚上十点后还在念《心经》和《往生咒》，结果家里的灯坏了好几次（趁此机会我诚心提醒师兄们：师父开示，晚上十点后不要念诵《心经》和《往生咒》，请师兄们一定要好好看《心灵法门入门手册》，避免操作不如理不如法）。所以，我们一定要听师父的话，师父不让做的就不做。念经消业的整个过程非常坎坷。真是造业容易，消业难啊！但是，我坚信菩萨法力无边，只要精进努力，一定会得到改变的。于是，我依靠师父录音中的法喜案例作为精神支撑。我一直坚持不懈，不怕万难，拼命念经。
由于吃喝拉撒都在床上，气场非常不好，自己又无法起身，只能躺在床上念经。我内心愧疚又纠结，不知道这样念经是否如理如法？会不会影响念经效果？感恩菩萨慈悲，当晚我就梦见师父了。师父身穿着黑西装，一边慈祥地笑着一边安慰我：不要担心。醒来后，我非常感恩师父的慈悲。师父知道我的特殊情况，这是对我的宽容和安慰啊。后来，大概念经差不多4～5个月后，我的脖子和头也能明显地转动了。这样法喜的变化，让我激动万分。我过去所经历的磨难与坚持都没有白费。观世音菩萨法力无边，让我看到了康复的一丝希望！（作者提醒：师兄们，在没有病痛的情况下，念经一定要体态恭敬，一分恭敬一分受益。）
3. 参加法会与拜师的殊胜，让我的身体不断法喜蜕变
2017年2月份，我结识了一位师兄。她邀请我一起去参加澳门法会。我心想：我能自己坐车吗？能去法会吗？凭着内心坚定的信念，路途中我一直念《大悲咒》。虽然我笨重的双腿只能勉强支撑着身体坐在座位上，但在观世音菩萨一路加持护佑下，我竟然能够如愿到了法会现场。现场听到师父开示、看到观世音菩萨的圣像，我泪如雨下。大法会当天晚上，我就梦到了观世音菩萨！感恩大慈大悲救苦救难观世音菩萨救我于苦海，给了我新的生命和生活。澳门法会结束，我当即发愿：一个月吃素15天，放生一万条鱼。参加澳门法会前，只要走两步路我就要歇一歇，而且我的身体没办法大幅度活动。
澳门法会回来后，我的双腿开始变得有力，可以支撑起身子在平地上走路了。虽然还不是很灵活，但是比起原来像软泥一样瘫痪在床的状态，已经不可同年而语了。我整个人精、气、神也越来越好。我非常惊喜！师父开示过，每场法会有很多佛菩萨来加持大家！
2017年8月，马来西亚法会前，师兄们让我拜师，但我不识字。慈悲的师兄们帮助我代笔填写拜师申请表。师兄们告诉我，这次拜师的人太多，有可能排不上队，得等到下一场法会才有机会。我告诉自己，无论这次能不能拜师，我都一定积极参加师父的法会。我这么大年纪了，能参加多一场法会都是我的福报啊。让我惊喜的是，一个星期后，我的拜师申请通过了。感恩观世音菩萨慈悲！
拜师当天，我激动万分。在拜师过程中，我听到一个非常立体、非常响亮的声音。我睁开眼睛时，我竟然看到了如来佛祖，还有好多菩萨都从天上下来了。这时，我看到师父上半身的法身呈现透明状，有一朵大大的莲花。我顿时感动得泪如雨下。直到颁发弟子证的时候，我浑然不觉师父已经走到我的身边。师父非常慈悲，给我灌顶加持。师父说:“因为拜师过程中有5个人睁开了眼睛，所以莲花没有种上去。不过没关系，等拜师仪式结束后，可以到前面去磕头求菩萨。”我就赶紧跑到前面去拜。我还没拜完，就过来了一个年轻师兄。他问我：“您感觉怎么样？有没有看到什么？” 我告诉他：“我看到如来佛祖了。” 他说：“您怎么确定那是如来佛祖呢？”我说：”我家母和家婆是学佛人，如来佛祖头发卷卷的。”
感恩观世音菩萨与师父的慈悲加持。拜师结束回家我就发愿: 终生吃全素，不杀生。真是愿力大于业力，发愿后，师父又来梦里帮我治疗双腿。有一次，我半眯着眼睛看到师父从我的房间经过。师父问我：“还有哪只脚不舒服？还有哪个地方疼痛的？” 瞬间我就醒了，醒来我发现我的双脚没有了原来的沉重感，走起路来更加轻盈了。我激动地跟老父亲分享：“师父又来加持我啦！”感恩师父慈悲关怀着每一位众生。每次梦见师父，师父都慈悲给予加持，我的身体总会有惊喜的好转。
没过多久，我不仅可以分开双脚，轮流迈开步伐独立上下楼梯。而且，我双手叉腰，可以前后自如地弯腰。后背的骨头原本因为全部错位并高低不平，如今完全恢复正常了。原本我没办法把手举起来洗脸、刷牙和梳头，因为手一抬，后背的骨头扯神经会导致剧烈的疼痛。每次打喷嚏或排泄的时候，都有种痛不欲生的感觉，就像死里逃生一样。这种地狱般的日子让我历经常人难以想象的苦痛折磨。然而现在，我的生活可以完全自理并且行动自如。有时候走太久会有一点点累，但是卧床休息十几分钟就可以恢复过来。虽然走路还有一点点高低现象，但如果不仔细看，是看不出来的。看到我学佛念经以来，从瘫痪卧床到独立行走的巨大变化，我的家人无比震惊。当年在床头边照顾我的老父亲直夸我：现在整个人完全变了，变得越来越健康了！我激动得泪眼婆娑。没有观世音菩萨与师父的大慈大悲救苦救难，真的不会有我今天的法喜蜕变！
2019年印尼法会和新加坡法会上，我恳请师兄们慈悲给我做义工的机会。按照法会规定，我已经超龄了。但是，我坚决一定要做义工。观世音菩萨给了我第二次生命，我就要身体力行地为众生服务。感恩观世音菩萨的慈悲，让我能如愿以偿。从法会做完义工回来，我发现我可以轻松自如地弯腰和下蹲，就连坐在地板上也没有问题了。感恩菩萨每次法会上都慈悲帮我消业，让我每次都能有不可思议的加持，变化。
4. 设佛台的不可思议加持，加速我身体恢复健康，创造医学奇迹
从2017年设佛台起，我每天坚持上早晚香。起初，身体还是直直的，不能弯腰鞠躬。两年里，我每天在佛台前上香求菩萨加持，让我身体能恢复得更好一些，能为众生表法。慢慢地，我从站着上香到弯腰鞠躬，到最后可以跪在佛台前念经。真是法喜充满啊！刚开始跪着后背还是很痛。随着业障的消除，我的后背也不疼痛了。有时候和师兄们出去设佛台，遇到佛诞日，我跪着念诵《礼佛大忏悔文》足足有一个半小时的时间。许多师兄都坚持不下来，唯独我坚持到结束。真是感恩菩萨慈悲加持！
曾经，省医院的医生告诉我，必须做手术把两块钢板放进骨头里，但我回绝了。因为我坚信有观世音菩萨和师父两座靠山，我什么都不怕。在因果面前，佛是大药王。唯有诚心忏悔，学佛修行才能彻底康复。我完全靠学佛念经吃素、设佛台、参加法会做义工，积极弘法度人，才创造了医学奇迹：现在和正常人一样行动自如。我甚至去工地做小工，搞卫生、做家政弥补家用！那些曾经轻微瘫痪的患者就算做手术，也没有我恢复得快，恢复到如此好的状态。
读者朋友们，你们看到我如此天翻地覆的变化，还犹豫什么呢？赶快捧起经书念经吧！我就是活生生的例子，铁一般的证据。观世音菩萨真实存在，并且大慈大悲有求必应啊！
现在回想起年轻时开酒吧所造下的恶业，真是罪孽深重。不正之财赚到了，可是，因果报应丝毫不爽，不是不报，时候未到。在我人到老年时，所有的报应一涌而来。不但钱财全部用尽，还要遭受肉体病痛的瘫痪之苦，因果不空啊！奉劝大家一定要谨记师父的教诲：诸恶莫作，众善奉行！不以善小而不为；不以恶小而为之！挣任何钱财之前都要三思，切记不可为了金钱利益而像我一样造下如此深重的罪孽，否则果报如影随形！
没有观世音菩萨和师父的慈悲救度与加持，就没有我今天的重生！弟子许愿尊师重道、一生清修、终生吃全素、不杀生、不吃鸡蛋、不抽烟、不喝酒；一世修成，永断轮回。今生跟着观世音菩萨修心修行，永不退转。跟着恩师慈父卢军宏台长弘扬心灵法门永不停息！我虽然60多岁了，但是我要身体力行地为大家表法，起早贪黑地和共修组师兄们一起去助缘设佛台。无论路程多么遥远，多么艰辛，我都严格要求自己。哪里需要我，我就走到哪里。哪怕我在吃饭，只要接到弘法任务，我一定当即放下筷子，一刻也不能耽误地出发。
心灵法门灵验无比，观世音菩萨大慈大悲，救苦救难，法力无边，有求必应。只要我们有一颗虔诚的心，只要我们坚持念经修行，没有什么困难可以打倒我们！我的身体变化就是最有力的证据！愿我的真实分享给那些还在受着病痛折磨的人们一些启发，让大家生起学佛念经的信念，捧起经书念经，愿更多的有缘众生能够早日破迷开悟，自利利他，离苦得乐！
我的分享结束了，分享中如有不如理不如法的地方，请观世音菩萨慈悲原谅！请十方三世一切诸佛菩萨和龙天护法菩萨慈悲原谅！请师父慈悲原谅！请师兄们批评指正！我自己的业障自己背，不让师兄们背！感恩合十！
分享人：感恩～全素
2022-02-28
请将本文慈悲转发给瘫痪病人及其家属
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The contents of the presentation and answers, including text, images, and other information obtained from Dharma practitioners, are provided strictly for reference purposes. Due to the unique nature of individual karma, results similar to those experienced by the authors may not be replicated. The experiences and advice shared should not be construed as medical advice or a diagnosis.
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So I am 37(M) and my mother (73) before she passed away on 24/12 /23. The thing that happened was that my mom ended up, having health scares one after another last year. So essentially it was first when she was told to get minor cataract surgeries, this time of month last year and both her and me were busy with her tests and later surgeries in June, July. Since she had Care insurance, she applied for her cataract surgies claim - earlier both got approved for 30k each for both surgies costing almost 50k each but then suddenly they backtracked & said one claim was rejected as place where we got surgies done, was blacklisted later. Now the single 30k claim should have been deposited, right. But nope, it still stuck & since my mom later got diagnosed with stage-4 kidney cancer in September which really shocked both me and my mom as my mom's tests have always been decent, we couldn't follow up more than couple of attempts & instead got focused with dealing with the cancer situation. Irrespectively, I got her on keytruda immunotherapy asap as surgeon couldn't operate till it was reduced and my mom was indeed reacting very positively to the treatment despite some issues with side-effects. However despite my best efforts, my mother suffered a brain stroke and I had to take the difficult decision of taking her off life support while dealing with another care insurance tantrum where they rejected her icu charges when she was admitted as I rushed her to hospital while having a brain stroke. In short, I ended up paying almost 1lakh out of my pocket and still had to pay additional 2.5lakh for further processes which was further complicated by my narcissistic sister who was only around to get her inheritance & making my life hell so I had almost no time to arrange the amount as I had only 40k left. Thus I unfortunately withdrew funds from my mom's accounts (I am Nominee & had her credentials though I also refunded them once I had a more stable mindset & recovered from fevemy learning disability med issues throughout January). Either way, I initiated the Maharashtra govt ppo closure (I had refunded the amts taken from pension accounts prior to initiating paperwork) by Jan end & also approached local cbi home branch for also closing my deceased father's family pension to my mom. The branch manager directed me to this problematic deputy branch manager to whom I did admit that I had to withdraw funds from my mother's pension accounts but I have refunded them once I gathered resources(basically my sibling & family members are useless besides the fact that my sister has indulged in some criminal offenses like harassing me & my mom both before & after her death, etc while said family members did nothing besides ignoring my complicated health issues as I could have died the day my mom passed away). Since my mother also took 3 online FDs earlier in 2023, the deputy branch manager wanted me to break them & told me that individual account won't be closed & only her CIF would be directly deactivated. Also it was only few months for FDs to maturity & state govt pension closure was yet to occur - I told her that I will file for death claim settlement once state govt pension is closed & excess pension is recovered by them as deactivating the CIF will make this troublesome & a legal case. So she agreed to wait till state govt pension is closed and I gather all necessary documents in the meantime. Luckily state govt treasury did close the ppo & withdrew excess pension by 19th March while I also managed to transfer most of the mutual funds where I am Nominee. However since state govt treasury office (it's in another city from where I live & reasonably far), didn't give me letter of closure/confirmation - I was asked to wait for 1 month by local treasury officer (as financial year closing was approaching) which I informed to said deputy branch manager again. During this time, I also had to deal with legal paperwork as the lawyer my mom knew, didn't inform her or me to register the will, my mom made & also wasted my time in March. So I had to look for other ways to inherit one immovable property (my sibling holds 16.66% share and I have 83.34% as per my mom's wish to inherit the property as per her will), one problematic mf scheme transfer which I accidentally botched by editing Nominee details (still not sure as my mental health was seriously impaired in Jan/Feb & I also have same scheme, so not sure how it happened as there's no email confirmation except for an otp I found though I am not sure why I would update nominee details when I am already nominee there & even mentioned in will). Since UTI rejected both of my transmission claims so I am waiting for my current lawyer to complete the gift deed & apply for heirship certificate at municipality for filing my deceased mom's ITR. Also please note that despite timely updates to deputy branch manager, she let the FDs renew without my permission & has been acting dubious besides acting very rudely with me. So situation is,

1. I have filed compliant with cbi bank (or rather couple of them as again, I wasn't informed properly nor received proper feedback from bank plus despite calling customer care for almost 7 times, most aren't clear in their instructions as some mentioned different email-ids to complain to one asking to file a complaint with branch itself but I am not sure as branch manager said nothing despite my confrontation with deputy branch manager happening in front of him). Now I will be collecting the FDs physical certificates from branch & wait for resolution as said deputy branch manager is very suspicious(like asking me to file false FIR for missing online FDs physical certificates which I never had & whose online receipts I already have to also blaming me that I didn't tell her they were online while she wasted time & made me do a Rs500 stamp paper indemnity bond with additional documents like death certificate, AadhaPan, etc or saying there will be penalty for breaking autorenewed FDs that strangely got renewed on maturity dates without any prior indication & some things not adding up with new scheme plus the whole confusing me with different instructions & false claims all the time). Though luckily I have recorded the conversation with her first blaming me then backtracking once her fault was found. Also I atleast managed to travel to the distant city for closing state govt pension bank account & it was transferred to my savings account (it's at same problematic home branch) on 3rd May & de-activated my mom's CIF. So as bank resolution will take additional 15days to come(customer care first said 48hrs & now saying different), should I approach branch with resolution & LHC to minimize further problems despite being Nominee.(there's an error in relationship in cbi's savings account where my name & details are there but relationship is daughter instead of son but I already made Rs.100 self-affidavit as per dubious deputy branch manager instructions & all other documents including death claim form).

 

1. Applying for my mom's final ITR is necessary & I have already submitted most financial statements to my CA to compute including the TDS deducted on the FDs since I have been given July-end deadline. Plus as my mother & me spent more than 10lakh+ for her cancer treatment, I am hoping that I will get some deductible relief on her final itr besides tds. The issue is that I am still lacking any legal heirship document that will allow me to register as assessee for filing my mother's ITR. I did ask another bank where I am also nominee for mom's account, for issuing bank letter confirming Nominee details but they refused. However hopefully as I am going to execute a registered gift deed with help of my new lawyer that will mention my mom's unregistered will, I am hoping it allows me to register for the ITR. Otherwise I will have to approach local municipality office for issuing surviving family membeheirship certificate once gift deed allows me to initiate transfer property to my name.

 

1. There are still some untransferred assets such as a SBG linked to my mom's account besides the UTI scheme that's linked to same account(for uti, I already have most paperwork ready except that they asked for legal document that confirms relationship between me and my mother so while I can submit my passport copy though feeling it's better if will gets registered during gift deed process as it's mentioned there). Then there's the care insurance claim associated with same account & taken by bank officials of same bank yet it came to my attention that Care apparently messed my mom's name multiple times while issuing the policy & the claim hasn't processed as policy name & bank account name don't match (it's only a difference in middlename and could have been conveyed to my mom when she approached them multiple times). I did ask my lawyer regarding this & as amount is only 30k, he has asked me not to think about claim as for now as Care doesn't seem sincere as they haven't given it in writing that they will issue claim if I submit LHC/Registered Will with other documents. So while I will get SBG once I close the account & also uti mf scheme (hopefully), I am not sure if I should file a consumer case against Care (as an employee even misbehaved with my mom & the claim situation feels really fraudulent) or just hope that Care would honor the claim once I submit the documents.(they also only mentioned sending documents over email so again felt weird)

 
Overall all these incidents have seriously affected my health and frankly I need a break for myself as I am still struggling with my grieving (I saw my mom die 3 times & the family drama still triggers my cptsd though I am not suicidal or having med issues unlike in Jan besides still unable to take some personal time off due to these commitments). I also apologize if this post ended up too long or having details all over the place as I am still trying to piece together as much information I have as I do have written journal records of the paperwork & events that occurred though I forgot to list down some details here & there due to trying to manage everything by my own.

I (26F) met my ex (27M) and my former best friend (25F) at the beginning of university. I introduced them, and we were close throughout our studies. After graduation, I moved away, and my relationship with my ex ended, though we remained friends. About a year after our breakup, my former best friend visited me for my birthday and mentioned that my ex had been asking her out after our relationship ended. Although I had no intention of getting back together with him, I felt uncomfortable with him dating a mutual friend. I decided to remove him from my social media and move on, but I stayed friends with her since, as far as I knew, she wasn't pursuing him romantically.
Two years later, she visited me again and revealed that my ex had actually started asking her out during the last two years of our relationship, and neither of them told me. They had grown closer while I was studying abroad, staying together in another country. This actually felt like a major betrayal. There's nothing I value more than my time, and both of them had just let me waste two years in a relationship where my partner was trying to cheat on me.
She apologized and mentioned that even though he had a new girlfriend, he was still asking her out, and she didn't know how to handle it. I told her that I had lost my trust in her, and she promised to rebuild it. However, a few weeks later, she and my ex took trips to two different countries for about a month together without his new girlfriend. In the past, if you'd told me they had something going on behind my back, I wouldn't have believed you, but this, along with everything else, was really changing my perception. They were now doing the same thing to his new girlfriend. It's not my place to say anything to the new girl, but I do feel very bad for her. I decided to cut both of them out of my life. I didn't share this story with our mutual friends to avoid damaging her social circle, believing she might eventually change and she'll need those friends more than me for now.
However, I learned that she told our mutual friends that I cut her off because of my ex, which isn't true. Many things have come to light about my ex since our breakup, revealing that he wasn't a good person, and I regret the time I spent with him. The reason I ended the friendship was the loss of trust in her, not because of my ex.
Am I the AH? How should I handle the social fallout? I love my life now - I'm in a prestigious grad school, have supportive family and lovely friends outside of my uni bubble, I have a really well-paying job, and am beyond grateful for everything. However, it bothers me that our mutual friends only know her version of events. Her family still reaches out to me, and I don't have the heart to tell them about our falling out. Her mom once said to me, "I love you because of how much you love and take care of my daughter." It sucks to lose them, but I'm okay with whatever version she tells them because I don't want to disrupt her relationship with them. I was thinking of paying off one of her student loans as a birthday gift before I realized she was spending it with my ex. I helped out another friend with grad school fees and bought gifts for my mom instead. Is there something I'm missing? Was I unfair to her in any way?

I apologize in advance, as english is not my first language. Pretty much everything here I've translated on google. Two weeks ago, my wife (F26) and I (M30) were at a party, her father's birthday party. It was going well, then her parents ntroduced us to an old couple of friends of theirs, from when they were around our age, and their daughter (F29) too, who I recognized as an old friend from high school. Let's call her Andrea (fictional name). For context, me and my wife are not the jealous type, as our relationship is based on trust, and has always been. So, when Andrea and I sat together on a table and started talking, my wife didn't mind it, and stayed with her family. I remember Andrea as being the fun kid when we were in highschool, and she was still just as funny. We're laughing and having a good time, and she started getting a bit "touchy", but nothing worth worrying about, I thought. I was wrong. She was definitely getting touchy, feeling my arms and asking if I started working out and this type of stuff. That's when I fucked up, because I didn't stop her. In fact, I held her hips at some point, and then my wife came in. She was obviously jealous and angry, but didn't make a scene. She started asking Andrea if she's married, or has a boyfriend, that type of territorial stuff, and at some point, Andrea got uncomfortable and excused herself. I told my wife she was being rude, and she started accusing me or flirting with Andrea. Of course I told her I wasn't, that she was overreacting and Andrea was just an old friend, but my wife insisted that I was flirting and cheating. Then I got mad. Cheating? I snapped at her and said she was being childish and insecure, overreacting. What then if I was enjoying the attention? It is definitely not the same as cheating, is it? She then said something that made me go silent, something along the lines of "cheating starts in thought, you don't need to have sex with someone else to cheat". I insisted I didn't cheat on her, and that I never would, but she just gave up on arguing and tried to enjoy the party with her family. When we got home, later that night, my wife was silent. I didn't say anything either, just assumed that we were over it, since she didn't bring it up. For the next couple weeks, she still didn't mention anything, and neither did I. We didn't talk much, and she was also never in the mood for any intimacy. I thought it was okay, and that everything would be back to normal in a week or two. It didn't, and now I know I made all the wrong decisions. Last night when I got home, my wife was in our bedroom, staring at herself in the mirror with a grimace. I asked if she was alright, and she just shake her head. I kept asking what was wrong, and she broke down in tears saying she looked hideous. For context, my wife is far from hideous. To me, she's the complete opposite, and so to everyone else. I'm not exaggerating when I say she can't even go out for groceries without people ciming to compliment her beauty and her nice hair. So, to hear she say that, it broke me. Of course I told her she's beautiful, but she kept on sobbing and saying she never felt so ugly before. I didn't know what to do or say, I just held her and kept telling her just how pretty she is, but she had that apathetic and gloomy expression on her face, and kept crying herself to sleep. I'm writing this as she sleeps besides me. My heart is completely broken, and I just wish I could go back in time and never hurt her in the first place. My wife mean everything to me, and I don't know how to fix things. Has anyone here ever been through something like this? How do I make my wife feel pretty and special again?

The ‘evidence’:

1. “You got some views, but you're still below me. Mine are higher, so when you compare our views, you get overlooked. And I don't say the hook unless I wrote the hook”. This is the most overt to me, and it’s self-explanatory.
   
2. Ghostwriter references. These are littered across the album - see Lucky You, Kamikaze etc. The context is important, Drake was being destroyed at the time (and still is) for having Ghostwriters. Eminem has always been one for topical disses and this feels very in-character for Em. Yes, the use of ghostwriters have been referenced in popular rap songs for years (see Kendrick - Kunta Kinte), but for Em to reference it multiple times with pretty strong vitriol feels highly suggestive of a Drake diss.
   
3. Normal feels pretty much like a parody of Drake’s cadence and delivery. There’s also what sounds like an imitated Drake ad-lib around 3:18-3:23, hear it for yourself. If Em was dissing the Migos flow in The Ringer and Not Alike, then a case can be made that Normal is a Drake sub.
   
4. “Sorry if I took Forever”. While this is more of a playful jab, that he stole the show on a posse cut with pretty much the 3 most coveted hip hop artists at the time, it’s obviously partly in reference to Drake.
   

I’ve ranked these in terms of pertinence to Drake (obviously, this is subjective).
To me, the first two weren’t even subliminal. They were overt, he name dropped Views, and the only artist that was topically associated with ghostwriting at the time was Drake. He also name dropped Forever, obviously.
As much as Em likes to say he doesn’t do sublims or sneak disses, he’s been doing it a long time, post hiatus too. Look at Recovery and the features around the time, his scathing of the main players in the rap game was a big inspiration, and there’s a compelling case that his collabs with Lil Wayne were full of sublims (mostly as (un)friendly competition). “You wear your heart on your sleeve, I sport that white tank boy” was also most likely for Wayne. Em can be a petty man at heart, that’s what gives him fire.
My theory is that he had a disliking to Drake being a top hip hop artist despite not being an emcee at heart. This made Drake in-scope as part of his general frustration at the rap game at the time (a key inspiration for Kamikaze), obviously not helped by the Drake ghostwriting news. So, he wanted to bait Drake into writing a diss response to initiate a full on battle, hence the overt but ultimately inexplicit nature of these ‘disses’. We have to remember Em’s frame of mind around writing Kamikaze. He wanted all the smoke with anyone, and was fully ready to enter a battle with anyone that responded - see MGK.
I think he probably had a sense of regret on reflection, hence the daughter’s birthday party interview, once the fire in his belly he had while writing Kamikaze diminished, but I do think the intention was there. Also, Em had played his hand, it was Drake’s move and he chose peace, meaning Em decided to back down too with the interview. Let’s also remember that rap beefs have been started on more subliminal and ‘reach’ disses than those above.
As a stan I’ve had this belief since Kamikaze dropped, as do many others, and has nothing to do with any beefs since.
EDIT: for those who are disagreeing, can you please explain who or what was in Eminem’s head when writing the ‘Views’ lines? it would be so fucking random and out of place otherwise lmaooo

I promised that I would try until my birthday but I said that I had no intention of seeing my birthday unless something had been done to start improving my quality of life. Unfortunately, much as I suspected there's no way that that was going to happen. I know that's why my mom is already hinting and how much this would hurt my daughter and could even cost her her pregnancy. I definitely don't want to cause her any distress or to lose that baby but I can't hold on until November and beyond. I don't know how I'm going to make it through any one day. A real crimp got put in my plans. Vein the guy I thought might be able to get something that would work broke down crying and begged me not to do anything to myself. He said I'm his only friend after his sister died last year. He has been checking on me ever since he got off the Bender he went on after that. I don't want to hurt anybody but I don't want to hurt anymore. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have lost hope. I frequently end up numb. I am just so over it. I'm missing life. What I'm doing isn't living. A merely existing and barely that. I don't want anybody to feel bad for me or to miss me. I just don't want to be here anymore. I do hope that they sue and there is plenty reason to do so.

I had a strange relationship with deconstruction as my dad was trained at a university level to do apologetics. He was an LDS chaplain in the Army, and every night for scripture study, we got discourses on the nuances of our faith and justifications for every question we ever had. I didn’t swear until I was 18 years old, or drink caffinated anything until about that time as well, because it was never a matter of justification. It was what my family, my tribe, my people did, to go to church on Sunday, and to be worthy. I was senior patrol leader and assistant to the bishop if that clarifies who I was. I didn’t have “God will reveal it in due time” parents. I had “Here’s the answer, here’s contemporary discussion about it. Here’s some reading material if you want to learn more” parents, except for they were wicked smart, and had biased conclusions.
I was called to serve in the Mexico City East mission. Shortly before opening my mission call, I broke up with my girlfriend at the time. i left BYU-I and went home to prepare. I received my endowments after lying to my stake president about my worthiness to enter the house of the lord. I came clean, and he threatened to not let me go out for a year because I was unclean. The prick made me talk to a therapist to be cleared for the mission field. The therapist had a brain and let me go out. When I was giving my mission farewell speech, I wrote it to include the teachings of many religions in it. I had drawn inspiration from the 13th article of faith “We believe all things, hope all things-“ and wrote a poem about how Adam and Eve related to the Resurection and Atonement of christ. My dad tells me the stake president was shifting in his seat like he wanted to pull me down from the pulpit. Prick.
The CCM was a pleasure to attend because of my district. The guys in my district there held a secret thanksgiving feast after hours when we were supposed to be in bed with food we had smuggled out of the cafeteria. We had look outs so we wouldn’t be caught by the patrolling teachers. My district was placed under surveillance because of politics against our spanish teacher who we could tell actually cared about us, and we were transferred into a classroom with one sided mirrors, and microphones hanging from the ceiling. An apostle came to speak to the entire CCM, and I thought we would get a chance to meet with him directly, or that he would be even remotely accessible in some way. He was kept away from us, separate and removed even though we had the same mission. I played a lot of volley ball, and got into shape enough that I touched the rim of a basketball hoop for the first time while I was there.
My first companion was a native speaker, and liked to spend the mornings in the cyber (Internet Cafe). He would make sure I was on LDS.org while he looked at softcore porn on instagram. We would spend hours there, and I was disappointed that this was the mission.
We went to a previous investigators house, and while there, we saw preparations for an animal sacrifice. These guys were putting alcohol, cocaine, and blowing smoke onto a white chicken, and placed in into a cardboard box with a bunch of black chickens. They showed us a room full of weapons, with blood and feathers strewn all over the floor. We noped the fuck out, and went home.
I requested an emergency transfer after spending most days in the cyber, watching my companion deface JW’s property, and being an all around dick to me by telling me how to shower and how to sleep.
For his replacement, the person that would help me with his bastion of knowledge, they gave me a white guy who spoke as much Spanish as I did because he was only a transfer further into his mission than me. They made this poor kid senior companion to me before his first transfer was over. Why? Because the kid was a workaholic.
The first thing this elder and I did when we got to our apartment was to pick up and leave to go to the house of a member who had just died. We sang at the wake. I sang in a language I didn’t know, for people I didn’t know, with a companion I didn’t know. We sounded pretty damn good. The elder began setting appointments with the non-believing family members during the service. I just sat and watched the mindless kids chase the family dog.
This elder skipped lunch every day, and made me do the same. We knocked every door in our area twice that transfer. One time, he got very sick, and was delirious out in the sun with me while we were walking. I made us go home for lunch that day, and he made me promise to wake him up after thirty minutes so we could get back to the Lord’s work. Three hours later he woke up, chewed me out for letting him sleep that long, and then begrudgingly thanked me for making him rest.
One time, while walking, this Elder expressed to me that he also had some questions, but he was afraid to share the details because he knew my own testimony was fragile. I pressed him for details of his plight, and he revealed to me the darkest part of church history that he had learned while we were in the CCM, that Joseph Smith had drank alcohol while in Carthage Jail before he died. Thoughts of Fanny Alger, of Mountain Meadows Massacre, and of my own mother’s rather recently implemented looser interpretation of the word of wisdom all flashed through my head. This guy was supposed to be my teacher? All I could do was express how sorry I was for his confusion, and told him to have faith. Heaven knew I couldn’t help him.
One night with this companion, it was storming hard, and the streets were flooded. This guy refused to let us go home. We climbed along fences to avoid getting our already wet shoes soaked, and waded through a foot of water to get to the doors that were slammed in our faces. There was a loose wire on a door bell, and when I rang it, I was shocked by the completed circuit the water made. Rejection after rejection piled up. Finally, my “senior” companion said that this was the last row of houses. On the last house of the last row, there was a family that was all deaf. The father opened the door, and was suprised to see us and didn’t know who we were. I remembered the sign for Jesus from my grandparents who started and ran the ASL endowment ceremony in the Saint George temple. The family was thrilled we knew the sign. When I asked if we could come in, the family politely waved goodbye and closed the door on our faces.
Another time when it rained, something fell into my eye. It was one of those freak nature accidents, and small enough that I couldn’t figure out how to get it out without a mirror. The thing stayed wedged in the corner of my eye for hours before we got home and I could finally get the foreign object out. Looking at it on my finger, I could see it was a small green spider. Days later, still in pain, I pulled what I can only assume was accumulated webbing from the spider that I’d crushed against my eyeball off of my lower eye lid. The pain stopped after that.
I bought a $500 camera. It was stolen within a month.
This Elder and I had the good luck before transfers to baptize two children. They would have been baptized anyways, so I didn’t do any actual converting, but I taught a few lessons, got in the water and did the dunk. Bucket list item, check.
I didn’t have enough time for laundry on P-Day, so I’d wash my outfit and dry in on the radiator through the night. Transfers happen, and my new companion lied to our land lords about the electricity bill, paying it in full but not giving a reason as to why it was so high. I didn’t care anymore, I just needed something clean to wear, but these land lord had treated me and my previous companion well, better than the previous landlord who had stolen our cleaning supplies. I felt these people deserved honesty. My senior companion capitulated eventually, and he and I butted heads regularly after that on the morality of things. I think in hindsight he was a smarter and better man than I was.
The new land lords, the “Lagunez Family”, were wonderful. They included us in their activities, and I felt like I had some people in my corner. When I eventually came home from my mission, a daughter of the family had written me a goodbye letter. She is currently serving a mission. They made some great music, and I have “Infiltradors” on CD, the official name of the band the father of the family was a part of (he was the drummer).
I knew the whole area by heart by that point, so I navigated us to our appointments. Half of the landmarks I watched for to know our location were interesting buildings with unique colors. The other half of my landmarks were dead dogs whose decaying corpses had become second nature to see. I began marking how much time had passed by how deeply a certain dog on a certain dirt path’s chest was caved in.
There was an apartment complex in my area that I had been told not to proselytize in because “It’s dangerous.” Turns out, those people didn’t have any money, so the church didn’t want them. That complex was past the dog and to the east about ten blocks.
My companion and I knocked on a door, and visited a man who was missing his legs. His daughter was there, putting dirty water on the aching wounds. He had a single room for a house, and wheezed when he spoke. He couldn’t afford medication. He still went out and worked all day for his daughter, and gave her whatever money he made, trusting her to keep him alive somehow. The church expected this man to pay tithing. The church expected me to tell this man to pay tithing.
I got the chance to hike up a mountain. At the top, I played chess with a chess set I’d procured from one of the best rapid chess players I’ve ever met. He had been the ward mission leader. He was a good man, a good father, and I wish him the best.
I found another man who was deaf and spoke sign language. I sat with him, and convinced him to come to church all by myself while my companion talked with some tienda tender. I was so excited because this was my own personal project and it was going well. The man came to church, and I sat with him through sacrament meeting. In Sunday school (I can’t believe I did this), I accidentally drooled on the guy. I was just talking so he could read my lips, and I guess I forgot to swallow at some point because a dolup of spit landed on his arm. I apologized profusely, and he played it off, but I never saw that investigator again.
My companion and I knocked a door one day, and a man answered. He wore tattered clothes, and maggots were burrowing into and out of his feet. He muttered something about the stars, missing his wife, and he began to tear up. My eyes stung from the stench. The door closed. Somehow, I knew the man would be dead in a matter of weeks.
I had lost hope that I was doing anything worth while. I looked down on the Doc Martins that had stayed with me five months at this point. I was angry with myself for being so useless in the field, angry with the church for giving me leaders that didn’t listen to my needs or perspective, angry with my mom for drinking while I had to teach people that it was a sin, angry with my dad for giving me the skills and knowledge to justify anything, even pedophilia in the early days of the church, to the point where I could look someone in the eye, and knowing the kind of man Smith was, tell them he was a good man and a true prophet of God. Suddenly a man approached us. He said he recognized us as missionaries, and asked about our message. This never happened. People didn’t just come up to us unless they were crazy or dangerous. But this was a public place, and this guy was genuine. My companion talked to him, and gathered his story, but I was plotting something else. I was done with not caring about these people in a way that mattered. I was tired of walking in another man’s shoes, a man who wasn’t me, who believed different things than me. The chopped leg, the rotting dogs, the infested feet, it all swirled into a single thought in that moment.
What would Jesus do?
I walked over to the man, and in broken Spanish asked him to stand next to me. He did so, and I compared my shoe size to his foot. It was a perfect match. He protested, but I didn’t let him get a word in edge wise. I took off my shoes, put them on his dirty feet, and laced them up nice and tight. Those shoes had cost a ton, and had been meant to last the whole mission. All I had left at this point were my fancy dress shoes that gave my blisters back at the apartment. I didn’t care. I walked home in my socks that day, happy as a lark.
Covid-19 hit a month later. I was one of the few they brought home instead of quarantining. After having served only 6 months. I told God if he wanted me to stay home, he’d have to make them release me.
They released me. I think I was one of maybe a hundred missionaries that were released due to Covid. The church realized their mistake pretty soon after I was released. Once Covid infrastructure began to develop, they didn’t release any more. I guess I didn’t serve a full two years, but I did serve a full mission.
My brother served, and he nearly killed himself due to intense depression brought on by Covid quarantine and poor leadership (I’ve got a few mission president stories, but those are for another time).
I learned lying to someone’s face from my mission, and spent the rest of my time at BYU-I as “nuanced” until the last two years, over which the most epic hoe phase imaginable became my new mission. I spent those years terrified of getting a call from the honor code office.
I’m married now, with my degree irrevocably in my possession. I have friends and loved ones that are in the church and are working on their mission papers. I’m beginning to feel powerless again. I’m seeing the decay again, not on legs, feet, or dogs anymore, but in the souls of the people who the church raises to do their dirty volunteer work. I see them like the animal sacrifices I saw being prepared. I’m not sure what shoes I have left to give to those people that I know are going to be in pain.
My parents are out completely now. It was a long time coming, but they are out and so much happier. I’m working on building a new relationship with my family, one based off of the fact that we won’t be together forever, so we have to make the most of our time together now.
Happy Sunday guys, best of luck to you all. And most importantly, chupa la piña.

I (26F) met my ex (27M) and my former best friend (25F) at the beginning of university. I introduced them, and we were close throughout our studies. After graduation, I moved away, and my relationship with my ex ended, though we remained friends. About a year after our breakup, my former best friend visited me for my birthday and mentioned that my ex had been asking her out after our relationship ended. Although I had no intention of getting back together with him, I felt uncomfortable with him dating a mutual friend. I decided to remove him from my social media and move on, but I stayed friends with her since, as far as I knew, she wasn't pursuing him romantically.
Two years later, she visited me again and revealed that my ex had actually started asking her out during the last two years of our relationship, and neither of them told me. They had grown closer while I was studying abroad, staying together in another country. This actually felt like a major betrayal. There’s nothing I value more than my time and both of them had just let me waste 2 years in a relationship where my partner was trying to cheat on me. She apologized and mentioned that even though he had a new girlfriend, he was still asking her out, and she didn't know how to handle it. I told her that I had lost my trust in her, and she promised to rebuild it.
However, a few weeks later, she and my ex took trips to two different countries for about a month together without his new girlfriend. In the past I’d you had told me they had something going on behind my back I wouldn’t have believed you but this along with everything else was really changing my perception. They were now doing the same thing to his new girlfriend. It’s not my place to say anything to the new girl but I do feel very bad for her. I decided to cut both of them out of my life. I didn't share this story with our mutual friends to avoid damaging her social circle, believing she might eventually change with and she’ll need those friends more than me for now. However, I learned that she told our mutual friends that I cut her off because of my ex, which isn't true.
Many things have come to light about my ex since our breakup, revealing that he wasn't a good person, and I regret the time I spent with him. The reason I ended the friendship was the loss of trust in her, not because of my ex.
Am I the AH? How should I handle the social fallout? I love my life now – I'm in a prestigious grad school, have supportive family and lovely friends outside of my uni bubble, I have a really well paying job, and am beyond grateful for everything. However, it bothers me that our mutual friends only know her version of events. Her family still reaches out to me, and I don't have the heart to tell them about our falling out. Her mom once said to me “I love you because of how much you love and take care of my daughter”, It sucks to lose them but I'm okay with whatever version she tells them because I don't want to disrupt her relationship with them. I was thinking of paying off one of her student loans as a birthday gift before I realized she was spending it with my ex lol, helped out another friend with grad school fees and gifts for my mom instead. Is there something I'm missing? Was I unfair to her in any way?

Something happened at my kids’ school last week. I really need some outside perspective.
have a daughter and a step daughter who both attend 8th grade in a small, independent Waldorf school. In Waldorf schools the teachers move up with the kids, so the girls have been with the same teacher since 5th grade. They have other teachers that teach specialty subjects, but a lot of their classes are taught by this one teacher.
This teacher is talented and devoted and loving. However she also seems to have trouble with her emotional regulation, and she doesn’t seem to have consistent standards among her students (holding the “good kids” to a much higher standards than the “problem kid.”)
Also, the fact that the school is so small means that the kids are always around the other kids in their grade, as there is only one class of 8th graders. My girls don’t really want to be around this one particular boy, especially my step daughter. I promise they aren’t bullying him. He’s just said/ done a lot of inappropriate things, including to my other step daughter, who is younger. He seems to get away with everything, and the girls don’t want to be his friend.
Last week was his birthday celebration at school, and supposedly my girls were making faces during his birthday song. Not at him, mind you, but to each other. This is obviously not the kindest thing to do, but they’re 14 and this kid has caused issues and made them uncomfortable in the past. They were being mildly (and quietly) rude in a way that the “target” of this rudeness didn’t even notice. But the teacher noticed.
Right after that was recess, but my girls were kept in. The teacher sent the rest of the kids out, brought my girls to a private room, and told them off for making faces. This conversation then somehow spiraled out of control in a way I don’t really understand. The teacher asked what they had against this boy, they tried to tell her, she claimed ignorance of the situation, it went back and forth. Apparently this boy has apologized for his past actions and the teacher expects the girls to forgive him and move on. The teacher reportedly said that she has a higher expectation of my step daughter than this boy (SD is very high achieving, talented, and well-behaved. She is also very anxious and stressed by the need to be perfect.)
According to both girls, separately, this teacher actually yelled at them. At one point my step daughter was apparently hyperventilating or maybe having some kind of panic attack. My daughter had her arms wrapped tightly around her sister, and was repeatedly asking the teacher to please stop, that they could continue the conversation but that my SD needed a break. (My daughter is more of a rebel than her sister, less of a perfectionist, and more willing to face teacher disappointment). The teacher didn’t stop.
The meeting lasted all though recess (the teacher did not join in her recess supervision duties) and then all through their next lesson (no idea what the other kids were doing without their teacher! Maybe there was another teacher?), and then somewhat into the next lesson. I’m not exactly sure how long that makes it, but it was over an hour.
No other teachers or admin were involved in this incident, it was just this teacher and these kids alone in a room for more than 60 minutes. Afterwards, nobody reached out to the parents about any of this. No emails, no calls, nothing. We pulled the info out of the girls.
My daughter is more or less okay (which doesn’t make the incident okay, but does make me less worried about her). However my step daughter is a mess, and our top priority is to support her. Her mother doesn’t even want to send her back to school for the last 12 days, but I’m really hoping we can find a solution that lets her finish out the year strong.
My main questions are: How is an hour of yelling an appropriate response to teens making faces? How was it appropriate for a teacher to have these kids alone in a room for so long, in a heated discussion? Why did nobody else at the school notice them gone? What are the proposals for a situation like this? Why in the world were none of the parents notified?
Please give me some perspective. All of my school experience as a parent has been in these little private schools, but I feel like this would not be acceptable in a public school?
Was this teacher’s response way overblown or am I the one overreacting?
Also, and most importantly how could this be fixed? We want to request a meeting with the teacher and school administration, but at this point I don’t even know what to ask for in that meeting. Thank you!!
P.s. I don’t know if this matters, but we are in the U.S.

Okay, so I have a daughter and a step daughter who both attend 8th grade in a k-8 Waldorf school. They have been with the same teacher since 5th grade. This teacher is talented and devoted and loving. However she also seems to have trouble with her emotional regulation, and she doesn’t seem to have consistent standards among her students (holding the “good kids” to a much higher standards than the “problem kid.”)
Last week was the “problem kid’s” birthday celebration, and supposedly my girls were making faces during his birthday song. Not at him, but by themselves or maybe to each other. This is obviously not the kindest thing to do, but they’re 14 and this kid has caused issues and made them uncomfortable in the past.
Right after that was recess, but my girls were kept in. The teacher sent the rest of the kids out, brought my girls to a private room, and told them off for making faces. This conversation then somehow spiraled out of control in a way I don’t really understand.
The teacher asked what they had against this boy, they tried to tell her, she claimed ignorance of the situation, it went back and forth. Apparently this boy has apologized for his past actions and the teacher expects the girls to forgive him and move on. The teacher reportedly said that she has a higher expectation of my step daughter than this boy (SD is very high achieving, talented, and well-behaved. She is also very anxious and stressed by the need to be perfect.)
According to both girls, separately, this teacher actually yelled at them. At one point my step daughter was apparently hyperventilating or maybe having some kind of panic attack. My daughter had her arms wrapped tightly around her sister, and was repeatedly asking the teacher to please stop, that they could continue the conversation but that my SD needed a break. (My daughter is more of a rebel than her sister, less of a perfectionist, and more willing to face teacher disappointment). The teacher didn’t stop.
The meeting lasted all though recess (the teacher did not join in her recess supervision duties) and then all through their next lesson (no idea what the other kids were doing without their teacher! Maybe there was another teacher?), and then somewhat into the next lesson. I’m not exactly sure how long that makes it, but it was over an hour.
No other teachers or admin were involved in this incident, it was just this teacher and these kids alone in a room for more than 60 minutes. Afterwards, nobody reached out to the parents about any of this. No emails, no calls, nothing. We pulled the info out of the girls. My daughter is more or less okay (which doesn’t make the incident okay, but does make me less worried). However my step daughter is a mess.
My main questions are: How is an hour of yelling an appropriate response to teens making faces? How was it appropriate for a teacher to have these kids alone in a room for so long, in a heated discussion? Why did nobody else at the school notice them gone? What are the proposals for a situation like this? Why in the world were none of the parents notified?
So, please tell me your honest reaction to all of this. Was this teacher’s response way overblown or am I the one overreacting? My step daughter’s mother doesn’t want to even send her back for the rest of the year (12 days). Also, how could this be fixed???
Thank you.

(ep 1a) changes: Have anne be sad. Thinking about marcy possibly being dead. Have anne and the gang being up sprigs near death anne calamity powers and have serious talk about it.
(Ep 1b) Turning point (30 minutes): sasha sees marcy gets stabbed by andrias. Sasha and Grime arrive in wartwood. The people of wartwood question sasha and Grime. On where is anne and the planters. Sasha tells everyone that King andrias is evil and is going to destroy amphibia. The people of wartwood are shocked knowing that the king is actually evil and going to destroy their home. Sasha and Grime say they are going to protect wartwood mayor toadstool and the rest of wartwood to happy to that someone is going protect them from danger. Sasha gives an unsettled smile and then turns to a sad look on her face. Grime and sash are the planter family home, but sasha refuses to step inside. Grime asks if she is OK, but sasha says she is fine and going to sleep the shed where Bessie and micogeangelo are. A few days late, sasha and Grime see one of andrias's robots near the planter family home. While the robot's not looking, Grime destroys the robot with his hammer. Sasha's talk with Grime stays the same. Sasha goes into the basement of the planter house and reads anne's diary. After reading anne's diary, sasha have full on meltdown. Crying her eyes out, sasha monologues about being a better person stays the same. We then cut to sasha, telling wartwood everything about true colours and anne and the planters being stuck in another world (earth). Sasha tells wartwood that she is going to protect their home. But before anyone in wartwood says anything to sasha. Some of andrias's robots attack wartwood. Meanwhile, Grime thinks about his life choices. We flashbacks back seasons 1 and 2. Grime realised he was a horrible person and went back for sasha. We cut back to sasha as he started to fight the robots. Things are going well until the robots manage to pin sasha down. And just when it's seen to be it for sasha. Grime comes in and saves sasha.the sense between Grime and sasha stays the same. The rest of the fight stays the same. After the robots are defeated. Wartwood After learning about sasha's true colours, betrayal, and everything before. Admit that it is going to take a while for them to trust sasha. But they can see that sasha is trying to change and become a better person. Wartwood asks sasha what to do now. Sasha looks at Grimeand Grime spinks at sasha. And then sasha says to everyone. We start fighting back. As they start building the rebellion.
(Ep 2a) Hop till you drop: gabby mentions sasha and marcy, making anne really uncomfortable. While we see what anne's life on earth was like before, she got stuck in amphibia.
(Ep 2b) Adventures in catsitting: have b plot where anne and her mom are at the dentist cause anne was gone for like 5 months. Over all the a plot stays the same.
(Ep 3a) croaker in war: Mrs. croaker helps sasha with her toxic traits. As sasha tries to protect her from andrias's robots. only to feel snap of croaker. Ending the episode with sasha learning from croaker. Not to use people to get what she wants. Because it's makes people hate her for it.
(Ep 3b) Wally to help: Wally is playing his instrument. Then he sees sasha looking sad while sitting on a rock. Wally goes to ask sasha if she's OK. Sasha tells Wally she's having a hard time being herself as she is both a manipulator and liar. Wartwood is still on edge working with her against andrias and doesn't know how to start being herself in a way that isn't deceitful. Wally then tells about the time anne helped stand up to his father. And express his true feelings. Wally then tells sasha lies, and manipulation may be a part of her, but it's not the whole her. She still has to own up to those awful parts and leave them behind. That way, she can be the best true version of herself. Sasha, thanks Wally about everything. Wally then said no problem, sasha. As the two say their goodbyes.
(Ep 4a) fight at the museum: the episode stays the same but with a few changes. The conflict between the frogs, newts, and toads is foreshadowed in this episode. Anne, at first, would have trust issues, but by the end, she slowly starts to trust people again over time. And make a slow but eventually recovery.
(Ep 4b) temple frogs: No changes. The episode's perfect the way it is.
(Ep 5a) Withered (original 11-minute episode): The story is about anne having a hard time trying to forgive sasha after everything before and after true colours. Anne and the gang find sasha's parents who are living in regret and sadness after sasha went missing. They hate themselves for how sasha acts. Anne talks forgiveness to sasha's parents. Ending sasha's parents pulling themselves together. Anne gives sasha's parents a hopeful look and a tear falling down her eye. Letting them know that she going to be their daughter back safe and sound.
(Ep 5b) ivy and sasha (original episode): ivy after some thought deicide to go comfort sasha who having big regrets about everything she did. thinking if anne actually comes back to amphibia and is probably still mad at her. Ivy After some talk with her mother. Ivy found sasha feeling down. Ivy asks sasha if she is okay. Ansmd sasha no. They talk friendshops with anne and sprig. This episode sasha feeling a bit better after her talk with ivy. Sasha decides to sleep and falls fast asleep.
(Ep 6a) Fixing frobo; the episode stays the same except for the ending. Where frobo is fixed and turned into a race car as we see in s3b.
(Ep 6b) anne-sterminator: The episode would mostly stay the same, but with a few big changes. Like, when anne, her parents, and the planters are in the junkyard, and anne's parents question her about the colckbot trying to kill her. Anne thought her parents saw the same as she was before amphibia. she breaks down in tears and reveals she has been hiding. Her parents are shocked. comfort their daughter and apologies for what they said whileSprigg overhears everything. After the colckbot easpse's with the bomb remove from his chest. Anne tells her parents about what happened to sasha and marcy.
(Ep 7a) sasha and toadie: sasha is chilling until toadie comes out. Toadie and sasha go on a walk and talk. Sasha asks toadie, "Tell toadie about some of wartwood's unhelpful ideas. Toadie tells sasha that she listens to people ideas even if some aren't helpful. Sasha thanks toadie like she did in battle of the bands. Toadie tells sasha he was happy to help. As it looks up the night sky. Ending the episode.
(Ep 7b) thinking about marcy: sasha see maddie sisters being attacked by andrias robots. Sasha managed to save maddie sisters and get to safety. Sasha is thanked by maddie for saving her sisters. Maddie then noticed sasha looking distress and asks sasha what's wrong. Sasha then tells maddie about how marcy is the reason she and anne were stuck in amphibia. Maddie is shocked to hear it. Thinking marcy wouldn't do something as bad as this. Maddie After hearing what marcy has done. Maddie decided to help sasha on why marcy did what she did. Maddie tells sasha how she ignored her sisters as she got older. Making sasha realise she was also a horrible friend to marcy aswell. Sasha ignored marcy's needs and interests like anne did. Sasha realised and attended that she was also a horrible friend. Sasha thanks maddie for helping her about her mixed feelings towards marcy. Maddie then said: no problem sasha. I just didn't think marcy would do something as bad as this. But I'm happy to help. Sasha then smiles a little. Knowing she feels better after her talk with maddie. As she fell asleep. Ending the episode.
(Ep 8a) Mr X:Thee episode stays the same.
(Ep 8b) Sprigs' birthday: molly Jo plays a bigger role in this episode. Since spider sprig in an eliminated from this rewitte. Molly jo plays as a new friend for sprig. Sprig also confronts anne about what he hear back in anne-sterminator. Considered for his friend's well-being. Bu she says not to worry cause she wants Sprigs' birthday to be perfect. But Sprig says being with anne already made birthday perfect. Anne gets all emotional after what is wholesome. Anne and Sprig hug.
(Ep 9a) as life goes on: the episode begins with anne and the planters trying to find marcy's parents. Once they find her home. Someone else is already living there. Anne more so then ever I'd shocked that marcy's parents left without their daughter. Sprig question's why marcy's parents just left their daughter behind. At least sasha's parents stayed waiting for they daughter to return. After some time they managed to find marcy's parents by a discord call. Anne asks them why they leave they daughter behind after she went missing. Mr wu explained that the offer started immediately so they had no choice but to leave without marcy. Anne and the planters reflect on what marcy's parents said and what marcy had done. The episode ends with anne and the planters after the talk with marcy's parents l. Saying goodbye to Wu's and the call ends. Anne knowing why marcy stranded her and sasha in amphibia. Finally understanding marcy more thanks to her parents.
(Ep 9b) Olivia and yunan: The episode stays the same.
(Ep 10a) If you give a frog a cookie: anne noticed that the planters are homesick after she made cookies. Then doctor Jan calls anne about a way back to amphibia but they help with it. Anne and the planters are happy. Later they Go to Doctor frakles and meet Terri. As colckbot comes back but this time to help anne and Terri save the planters from Doctor frakles. By throwing the cookies at frakles causing the kids to attack her. As anne and the planters and Terri easpse. Ending the episode.
(Ep 10b) workout time: loggie deicide to do some training with sasha since war is coming. So he goes to sasha and starts training. While training sasha almost goes too far. Telling her that she can not push people to they limits because it will make people leave people behind like percy and Braddock. As there is still a chance to make things right with anne and marcy. Making Sasha reasiled she almost gone too far and apologies to loggie for almost pushing him to his limit. Regret about what she did to percy and Braddock. Sasha the deicided to not always do things her way. Loggie tells sasha that they would do it in a more comfortable way. That can help them beat andrias. Sasha thanks loggie for realising she almost made the same mistake as she did with percy and Braddock. Loggie then says don't mention it sasha I'm Happy to help. After they are done with the training. Sasha looks at the bffs photo of her anne and marcy. Promising to be a better friend in the future as the episode ends.

This is soo petty and insignificant. But I just have to get it off my chest cuz like wtf. They didn't buy me anything when i turned 18 it's literally been 7months and I can't stop crying about it, It's one of those things that I find so hard to let go off cuz it's kinda supposed to be significant. First of all we are a pretty stable middle class family so its not about the money. They just didn't buy me anything, I remember cutting cake and waiting for them to hand me a gift. I sat there next to my friend while they were in the kitchen i opened up the gift. My friend and i were so excited to see what it was. I'm not type of person who needs a masive gift i rly dont ask for much. I open the wrapping and guess what it was... a light up sign saying 18. My smile dropped so did my friends cuz we both knew that this was the gift it was a small light up sign saying 18. Nothing else, if this sign was something rly unique or just better quality i would not complain. But it came with the 18 birthday kit... guys it was part of a 20euro birthday kit it wasn't even supposed to be a gift its supposed to be a prop in the back of my bday photos with the balloons ect. I just sat there dumbfounded. Idc what my friend thinks shes like a sister she definitely doesn't even remember my bday and isn't the type to judge. It's rather that it was my last yr for any birthday party. My parents aren't the type to celebrate anything after 18 because I'm officially an adult.
I cried that night so hard it wasn't just the bday gift which was the issue. On my bday i had to ask one of my friends to go out with me. I bought her lunch and she was great company i love this girl to the moon and back but obviously. She thought i would go out with a different friend or something, she cancelled her plans for the day and hung outwith me. My other rly close friends at that time were busy. My friends aren't bitches dw they just arent that close to me if that makes sense. They came to cut cake and give me gifts a few days later. But by then i was sick of my bday i just wanted it to be over wished i was never born so i didn't have to be in this awkward situation.
It hit me that it kinda sucked that my parents couldn't love me enough that day. You would think if i don't friends i would at least have my parents. But damn they didnt even buy me a birthday card. The one birthday that ive been looking forward to since a child thinking its supposed to be the best and most important birthday turned out to be the worst bday possible. The realisation kicked in that i have never actually had a single good bday in my life. And this was the last shot at it and it's fucked.
Just when I was beginning to realise how stupid i sounded. I am religious, i know that i should always be greatful for what i have and shouldn't ask for more. Materialistic desires never lead to a true feeling of fulfilment.
My friends suggested that we suprise a different friend for her bday. We walk into her house and her parents did the same thing for her they wanted to suprise her for her birthday. We walked in and the living room was fully decorated they put in so much effot for their daughter. They picked out 18 gift for her 18yrs. This family isnt rich either same as mine middle class all the gifts were simple and reasonable. Clothes, some small mini make up, nail polish and face mask and some of her favourite snacks. And they bought her one expensive main gift.
If they wanted to they would. Went home and felt so fucking useless. My parents couldn't even get themselves to write a card for me. I don't need a shit tone of bday gifts i just wanted a bday card with words of encouragement from my mom and dad. I just wanted a lil small tiny ring, didn't even have to be a fancy expensive one.. they could've gave me a gummy ring and i would just laughed it off and not cared and would've been happy with the card.
Idk it just sucks I'll probably laugh at it 30yrs in the future but it still sucks. Its so dumb to cry over somthing like this. There definitely are bigger issues in my life but i just wanted one important bday to go well. I wish bdays didn't exist. I don't even want my next birthday to come cuz it's just embarrassing sitting and writing in my journal about how shit my day was.
Sorry im on my period and wanted to rant. Also Im dyslexic asf ignore the typos. This is soooo embarrassing. Idk if this is the right place to be posting this either tbh.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I live in Japan.
I recently went to the Harry Potter Studio Tour in Tokyo with my wife and kids for my birthday. As a big Harry Potter fan, I had high hopes, but despite the incredible setting, the experience was pretty disappointing.
I don't normally post things like this but think I should put this out there for anyone thinking of going. Just temper your expectations. I'm glad I went but probably wouldn't go again.
The place itself is fantastic, beautifully built and laid out, perfect for fans to explore. But the way it's run really spoiled our visit.

1. **Constant Rushing and Anxiety**: At every corner, we were repeatedly told "don't touch anything!" and "hurry up!" albeit in polite Japanese. It felt like we were being rushed through the exhibits, unable to fully enjoy or explain things to my kids. For instance, I tried to point out something to my 5-year-old daughter at Privet Drive, and a staff member immediately told us to move on. It was stressful and took away from the experience.
2. **Leaving the Building**: They wouldn't let us go to the car unless we had a "good enough" reason, which was frustrating.
3. **Staff Knowledge and Behavior**: The staff seemed oblivious to the Harry Potter source material, making mistakes and generally being cringey. It didn't feel like they understood the importance of what they were working with. The mini-attractions with actors were really low-energy and disappointing.
4. **Food Quality**: The food was disappointing—cold and much lower quality than what I found at Universal Studios Japan. For example, the banger in the Bangers and Mash was just a standard wiener you can get anywhere in Japan.
5. **Rude Staff**: When I was upset about not being allowed to go to the car to put our bags away before eating, the staff laughed at me. They made me explain my reason and then exercised their power to say no, which felt really disrespectful. Generally, every interaction we had with a staff member seemed like an inconvenience to them. One even tried to tell me that we couldn't change seats in the restaurant because the tracker thing they give you when you order your food would get messed up. We were a family of four on a tiny table, and I had just found a big table to move to that had opened up while we were waiting. I was only asking out of politeness and was shocked she wanted us to huddle around a tiny table just so that she wouldn't have to update where the food was brought to.
6. **Overpriced Everything**: The prices for parking and other things were ridiculously high, especially for a place like Nerima.
7. **Ticket Issues**: This was our second attempt to visit due to health issues the first time. They wouldn't let us move or cancel our booking, and when we tried to give the tickets to a friend, they just said "no".

The tour is an amazing work of art, but the management treats it like a cash cow, not appreciating the blessing it is. One staff member in the restaurant was lovely and did something nice for us, but the rest of the staff made the experience worse.
Also, my wife and I speak Japanese, but our kids don't, and the lack of English-speaking staff was surprising. The only English speaker we found was in the gift shop trying to sell stuff to tourists. Maybe it would've been better if I didn't understand what was being said.
Overall, I won't go again.
I really hope I just caught them on a bad day, but I've heard of similar experiences when looking up reviews online on the way home.
I also want to reiterate that the exhibits are brilliant. Even the fact that they had English next to the Japanese in the displays and didn't dub the actors was good. I just felt robbed by the attitude of the staff and especially the food.

Babette's Feast (1987) is a highly regarded arthouse film with strong spiritual themes. It won an Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film, and has received much critical acclaim. But is it simply something pretentious, or is the respect its gained well deserved? And does it even have something serious to say?
The film introduces us to the two sisters Martine and Filippa, who are part of a very strict Puritanical and ascetic Protestant church group that was started by their father. He’s now deceased, although the first part of the film does show us some of the background, where they spurn the love of two young men in favour of the ascetic lifestyle taught by their father. The main story begins when we see them as aging spinsters, giving refuge to a needy woman from France, who is our central character, Babette.
After she wins the lottery, Babette wants to express her gratitude to her hosts for 14 years of their hospitality by cooking them with a sumptuous meal on what would have been their father’s 100th birthday. Afraid of enjoying earthly pleasure, the ascetic group solemnly agrees in advance that they will act as if the delightful food and drink doesn't have any real taste. But can they really maintain this illusion when the food is that good? Aside from this main storyline, the film also touches on some inner conflicts among the church group.
The film is in the French language, although the version I watched had an optional soundtrack with a dubbed English voice-over. Despite not knowing French, I found it far more enjoyable to use English subtitles along with the original French soundtrack. This maintains the more subtle voice inflections of the actors, and it’s surprising how much of the authenticity and impact is lost without this.
But why is this film so charming, and what has made it such a success? Aren’t we basically just watching a group of people solemnly eating a meal? Cynics will find a lot to make fun of here. But for those prepared to chew a little, there’s more than what meets the eye. To begin with, the characterization is excellent, and the depiction of the two single ladies who have forsaken everything for their faith is particularly well done. Babette’s humble service and her extravagant gift, along with all its culinary delights, is beautifully presented, in a slow-moving and serene way.
In many respects Babette's Feast first and foremost shows the foolishness of a faith that is artificial and ascetic. The feast that Babette prepares highlights the hypocrisy of the religious sect, by exposing the foolishness of their religion of externals. The Protestant group is blind to the value of the gift they are enjoying, contrasting with the visiting General and with Babette, who see and understand how things really are. There seems to be an implied critique on such ascetic religious groups, with the General functioning as a character who is enlightened despite his simplicity. True religion doesn’t just practice piety, but there also finds room to enjoy life’s pleasures.
But there is more going on besides this obvious message. Many commentators have suggested that Babette is essentially a Christ-like figure, because she gives a gift of grace in a meal that has overtones of Christ's last supper. This interpretation gives her meal a sacramental quality, and when viewed in this light, it gives a whole new perspective on the film. There may be something to this, because there is a sense in which Babette selfishly sacrifices all she has for her two patrons. Reading what Catholic reviewers like Stephen Greydanus have to say about the sacramental aspect of the film is especially interesting (link to his review). Other reviewers suggest a Lutheran interpretation, and focus more on how the film depicts a marriage between the spiritual and the carnal. Given the Danish setting, a Lutheran background to the theology is also very plausible.
You’ll find a wide range of theological interpretations among critics, so there is lots of room for discussion here. I'd be reluctant to insist on a particular interpretation, because it seems to me that the film already does us a service by stimulating such discussions, rather than coming to definitive conclusions on them.
But clearly the film does want us thinking about theology, because Martine and Filippa are named after the Protestant Reformers Martin Luther and Philipp Melanchton. Central to Protestant theology is the notion that good deeds are not done to earn a heavenly reward, but are a grateful response to a God-given gift of grace. Ironically, it’s Babette’s generous gift that captures this spirit more than the combined piety of the two sisters and their religious group. It’s possible to be so intent on pursuing piety that one misses the point of life, and fails to enjoy grace and the pleasures God gives.
The suggestion has been made by some that Babette's feast helps change the characters, and causes old quarrels to be healed, and past sins to be genuinely forgiven. If so, this raises interesting questions about the nature of sacraments, and how they function. But I’m left wondering whether it really is the film’s goal to suggest that the sacramental quality of the feast helps dispense grace and solve the sharp differences and shortcomings within the small group. For example, many reviewers see the positive discussions that the group has about their religious leader while enjoying the meal as evidence of its transforming quality.
But does this elaborate feast really transform the characters who share in it, like a sacramental eucharist might do? I’m not convinced, because it seems to me that these conversations could equally be their way of desperately avoiding talking about the gift itself, by turning to pious talk that had nothing to do with the food, and are evidence that they’re stubbornly persisting with their religious blindness. But perhaps repeated viewings of the film might cause me to reconsider this view.
The film also raises interesting questions about the value of art, as is evident from what the famous opera singer Achille Papin says about art in the afterlife. This conversation returns in the film’s concluding words to Babette about her art as chef. Filippa echoes what Papin had said to her, promising that in paradise Babette will be the great artist God intended her to be. An artist will always give their best, and that’s exactly what Babette’s extravagant feast is.
Clearly there’s more to Babette’s Feast than meets the eye, and I feel I’ve only scratched the surface of its meaning. Extensive full length academic papers have been written about it, some of which can be found online. For me anyway, spending time at Babette’s table has only increased my appetite to find out more about this thoughtful film. I'd love to get insights and perspectives from others who have enjoyed it.

Ok where to begin.. I've been with my wife since 2021, she was already separated (but not dicorced) and had a 4 yo son and 2.5 yo daughter. She left her ex because it just wasn't working and around the time we got together she found messages and nudes he'd (at the time 28m) swapped with her friends baby sitter (16f). She reported it to the army MP's and it was all swept under the rug which is fucked up enough but he was kicked out of the army. Needless to say, not a great guy.
So my wife and I start dating, it takes time but the kids warm up to me, wife and I get married, and seeing I need to provide I join the USAF and go through the recruitment process in 2022, BD knows im joining and even being kicked out of the army knows there's a timer on when his ex and the kids move away when I get stationed somewhere.
He was only 45 min away from us at the time of me starting enlistment and by the time I finished basic and tech training which took 6 months (in total was about a year process) and he only came to see the kids about 6 or 7 times.
We got to our base in July 2023 and it wasn't until December 2023 that he even asked what our address was because he needed it for some paperwork. He never actually initiates calls or even text my wife to ask how the kids are, all contact he has with them is when my soon to be 5 SD ask to call him. He knows absolutely fuck all about what's going on in the kids lives, anything about their interest, he just doesn't care but yet every time he talks to them (which is on average once a month for about 20 min) he tells them how much he loves them etc. And how much he cares about them.
Back at new years he told the kids he'd come to us to visit (about a 10 hour drive which my wife and I have made twice to go back home for holidays since we left in July 2023) by the end of February. We'll surprise surprise he didn't show.
A couple days ago my SD asked to call him and asked if he'd be at her birthday party in 2 weeks, he said that "he'd try to be there but wasn't sure". Well my wife ans i got confirmation today from him that he was going to be here because, and I quote, "I haven't missed a birthday and I'll be dammed if I miss one now." WE asked what his exact travel plans were so we knew how to plan for his visit, and he actually hadn't made plans yet and is just saying he'll be here. Also, this whole "I'll be dammned if I miss a birthday" shit is just so infuriating because if my SD didn't ask, he wouldn't have even entertained the idea of coming out to us.
He makes about 80k/yr and we only ask for 1k/mo in child support for 2 kids despite the fact that it should be 25% of each pay check per our states laws, and he's complaining saying "well I'll be out there but I have to put everything on a credit card to make the trip because I'm saving to buy a house". We have 0 idea where all his money goes and we frankly don't care, but his financial literacy is crazy bad.
Now I have to figure out, if he does actually show up, how to handle this with the kids, make a list of ground rules for him being in my fucking house which I don't want to begin with but the kids want to see him, and making sure I don't fucking deck him when I hear him inevitably say "well they're my kids".
TLDR; BD is a piece of shit who does nothing but make empty promises to my kids just for me and my wife to clean up his mess and be the bad guys.