Science prefix suffix middle school

Next Generation Science Standards

2014.02.08 05:51 stoptherobots Next Generation Science Standards

A subreddit for resources on the upcoming Next Generation Science Standards.
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2013.06.04 22:51 JetreL A catch-all for parents and teachers for crafts for kids

This is an open site for Parents and Teachers to come together to give ideas on crafts for kids. Please remember all submissions should be family friendly.
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2012.07.21 21:44 InfinityFlat Science Olympiad

This subreddit is for the discussion and sharing of Science Olympiad related things.
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2024.05.07 19:07 Organic_Row773 I feel like my parents are too controlling

I'm 20(f) currently, and I am very aware I'm not grown and am still young and learning. That being said, I'm not 14. It feels to me as if my parents, particularly my dad, infantilize me in a way they never did with my brother.
Today, like a lot of days, I slept in and my dad came into my room without knocking and started telling me the things I need to do today as well as asking me why I haven't done any of my morning routine things yet. I've asked repeatedly that people knock before entering my room, as I leave the door open/cracked so my dog can go in and out as she pleases. When he or my mom does knock, it's the quick knock, not waiting for an answer, and then the door opens anyway.
On the topic of my dog, she's 100% mine. I pay for her food and feed her as well as take her out for walks or etc. My mom helps me out sometimes as I'm a full-time college student with two part-time jobs. It's a silent agreement essentially. That being said, my dad is constantly telling me what I need to do with her, what I'm doing wrong with her, and all the things that he would do/does do. She doesn't get to go for tons of walks due to my schedule and the weather, but now that its warm out I take her a few times a week when I can. I try to make up for it with indoobackyard enrichment using toys, training, etc. She also just likes to lay with me. Regardless, my dad always talks to my dog saying "oh poor dog you're bored aren't you" and "too bad (my name) is too tired to take you out today" loud enough so I can hear, along with saying similar things to my face.
Besides just with my dog, my dad demands details for most aspects of my life, especially my car. Its a little bit of a fixer upper, but I was working with my own budget and pay for all repairs/insurance myself. He's worked on cars casually for a long time, so he tries to help with problems I run into, but the problem is that he hardly takes what I say into account. I explain what my car does and how it drives normally and I have to prove things to him to get him to believe me. I have been having an ongoing misfiring issue, and when I explained the circumstances that make it happen, he insisted on me recreating the circumstances (driving for a little, getting gas, continuing) to prove that that's what happened. If I say what I think the underlying issue is, he talks over me and puts his opinion as more important. If I choose to not consult him about fixes, he gets upset that I wasted money at a mechanic or did things myself instead of going to him.
My dad regularly attends yoga sessions, and he missed 2 recently due to my car problems. One day was so he could take me to college on time (he offered, I would've found another ride otherwise), and the other was when I drove my car to work and he was worried it would break down or something so he stayed home just in case. I wasn't aware of this until today, when he decided to tell me all about how he "made sacrifices out of the goodness of his heart" to make sure I was safe. He used it against me as a way to show that I am ungrateful and don't appreciate him enough. He frequently tells me essentially "here's all the things I've done for you" when I complain about things I dislike him doing.
My mom is much more agreeable when it comes to my preferences. I do struggle with various mental health issues that can exacerbate some conflicts as I get very overwhelmed easily and anxious as well. When I need to take a step back, she usually respects it. My dad marches up the stairs after me and will stand outside my door and keep arguing, moreso with himself than anyone else. Only in certain cases, my mom will side with my dad as he "knows more about cars", which is true, but I don't think that gives either of them the right to make final decisions or talk over me when it comes to my car. It becomes incredibly frustrating, as I feel like I'm never taken seriously.
My brother is 6 years older than me, and even when he was my age, he was treated differently which also frustrates me. He was allowed on nyc public transport alone as a middle schooler, and I had to fight to be allowed to do so for college, even in the company of friends, when I was 17/18. They also considered/consider him to be more knowledgeable and will trust him on subjects like computers and the like. When I put my input in to things I know about (such as dementia/alzheimer's; I work at a home with people that have these conditions), I'm told that I don't know enough and need to listen to other people.
I feel as if 90% of the time I'm already about to burst with frustration because of how I'm treated, which makes situations worse when we argue or something similar. I've always been the type of person to figure things out myself and only seek help when I decided I needed it (in school, I was "gifted", so there I was usually allowed to work ahead and by myself), and while I tolerated micromanaging when I was a minor, I feel like it's too much now.
If the economy ever improves, I think moving out by myself will help me a lot.
submitted by Organic_Row773 to offmychest [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 19:06 Lord_Long_Rod George Bailey: American Communist

Poor George Bailey just arrived home from attending anti-Kavanaugh protests in Washington DC. “Boy golly! What’s a guy to do?!? Donald Trump is terrible for America, but we just cannot convince anyone of this!”, thought George. “What’s Wrong With ME?!?”, wondered George.
George was part of a segment of our population that hates America. He also does not think the constitution and other laws should apply to him and those like him, unless it happens to benefit them at the time. They also think they are smarter and more well-informed than everyone else. As such, their ideas and opinions matter MORE than other people’s. Thus, why should such “Truth”, as divined by George and his colleagues, be hindered by insignificant things like laws? Heck, most of those laws were written by white European males who owned slaves. Therefore, these laws are not even VALID today!
But little George Bailey remained frustrated. Everything he and his ilk tried in order to save America and its people (even the dumb ones that believed in outdated concepts like “limited government” and “free trade”) failed. Why was that?
They tried reasoning with the American public. But everyone was just too stupid to understand what George was trying to accomplish. Then, they rigged the presidential election to put an ally, Hillary Clinton, in the White House. They even conspired with Russians and then sitting President Obama to accomplish this. Their candidate illegally took money from foreign governments to fund her campaign, and laundered the money through her “Foundation”.
It was a sure thing. Clinton could not lose. But she did. They fucked up again. Two years of tireless campaigning down the fucking drain. The truth is, nobody really liked her, and nobody really believed she was as evil and crooked as she turned out to be.
So, when the Clinton campaign failed. Georgie and his America-hating comrades decided to step it up a notch and employ Guerrilla politics. They organized and planned numerous marches and protests (usually based upon false pretenses and misinformation). They even paid people to attend!
Then they formed fascist, violent street gangs to bully and hurt others who loved America. They also doubled down on brainwashing kids in school and at University. They openly and viciously ridiculed and attacked everyone who did not hate America like they did.
They engaged in massive smear campaigns, falsely alleging that some folks had engaged in sexual assault, cheated on their taxes, and colluded with foreign governments. Heck, they even had the news media and virtually all of Hollywood on their side and conspiring with them on numerous smear campaigns.
George and his group registered illegal aliens to vote in America. It was part of their campaign to marginalize the electoral power of Caucasians based upon their skin color. But it was OK because white people are inherently bad because they are racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic hate mongers.
But nothing worked. Trump and the evil GOP are stronger than ever. It seems like the harder George tries to destroy America the stronger the old white men on the right become. George just cannot figure it out. And was tired of trying.
You see, like all leftists, George is psychologically unhinged, and emotionally crippled. If not for pursuing his leftist Dem-Prog ideals he would have no identity at all. But since he was failing the cause, and therefore worthless to the group, he decided to fall on his blade. It was the only honorable thing George could think of to do.
So little George Bailey hit his pipe for a bit in order to get up his nerve. Then he went to the tallest bridge he knew about. He was going to jump off the bridge and kill himself. However, just before George could jump an angel appeared onto him.
George asked, “Who the hell are you, and why are you aggressively in my safe space right now?” The Angel replied, “Sir, I am your guardian angel”. George guffawed and basically acted like a dick. “I don’t believe in God and angels. And even if I did, why would it have to be some Anglo-Saxon thing, huh? Why aren’t you Buddhist or Islamic or something else?!? You are fucking WHITE!! How do I know you are not the fucking DEVIL?!?!?”, demanded George.
The Angel rolled his eyes at George and, under his breath, muttered “Jesus Fucking Christ...” the Angel then spoke onto George, “Look kid, I don’t give 2 shits about your dumb ass. I was assigned to come here to try and show you that you have made the world a better place by being here and, by extension, if you kill your self you would be fucking up. The world needs you. I am here to show you how shitty the world would have been if you were never here. I must complete this task so that I can earn my wings.”
George perked up and said, “Oh, right, you are just here because of your stupid wings. Why does there always have to be some ulterior motive?” The Angel just stared at George, dumbfounded. The Angel could not believe what an arrogant and cynical piece of shit George was.
The Angel said, “OK, let’s try this again. George: I am going to show you why YOU matter and why you should go on living. I am going to help reveal your purpose and your intrinsic VALUE as a human being.”
George replied, “Yeah, so you can get your stupid wings. I heard you the first time! Are you this fucking dense?!”
The Angel asked, “What the hell does it matter if I get something out of it?!? Motherfucker! I am a supernatural fucking entity offering to reveal ALL to you... the MEANING OF FUCKING LIFE!! Nobody gets this opportunity. You have been CHOSEN!”
George replied, “You privileged fucker! You really think I care who you are? You want me to bow down to you, some flunky in the patriarchal Judeo-Christian paradigm, because your white “god” wants me to?!? You are fascist as fuck!!!”
Visibly flustered and growing angry, the Angel said, “Look, George, this is your last chance. Trust me, if you allow me to show you what he lives of those around you would have been like without you, I think you will want to live.”
George replied, “Dude, I just SHREDDED you! You can take your white Privilege and Ba-bye! You don’t know me. I am offended that you think your white-bread morality would apply to me, or anyone else. You are ridiculously presumptuous in that regard, which suggests you are a dense fucker!”
That was the end of the conversation. The Angel jumped on George and, with its preternatural power, literally ripped George to pieces. George did not even have time to cry out in pain before his head was violently removed from his body. In fact, George had driven the Angel into such a blinding rage from George’s stupid bullshit that the carnage continued post-mortem. When the Angel finally stopped there was nothing left of George but a puddle of red goo. Even then, the Angel inexplicably pulled out its holy wand and urinated on the red goo until it washed away.
The Angel then gave the middle finger salute to where George was standing on the bridge and said, “BURN IN HELL, MOTHERFUCKER!!!”, then disappeared.
The Angel did, in fact, earn its wings. It turns out that God and some of the other High Order Angels had already selected Him for wings, but they just wanted to fuck with him a little before bestowing the wings. Thus, they sent him to try to save George.
submitted by Lord_Long_Rod to Sasquatch_Jihad [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 19:05 calvin324hk [H] Bundled Games [W] Offer

submitted by calvin324hk to GameTrade [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 19:05 harinedzumi_art Agh-tsa Chzhucheokh.

Agh-tsa Chzhucheokh.
Agh-tsa Chzhucheokh [report of the Judicial Department]
Chzhucheokh was born in the southern Geumh-hwan province of the Swampland [he belongs to Hwan-chugyou, a conditional ethnic minority] The only son in the family [has 6 older sisters] The family was involved in the smuggling of luxury fabrics, under the guise of a permit to trade in iron and wood.
At the age of 5 months, Chzhucheokh entered a private school, studied basic sciences, languages, spear fighting, rifle shooting and firearm combat tactics. At the age of 2, he first participated in smuggling with his father [resale of silk from the Iron Caliphate to the Middle Empire] By the age of 3, he had established a strong connection with a family of smugglers [Mha'ma lizards] in the Iron Caliphate. At the age of 4, Chzhucheokh got engaged to his lizard fiancee [presumably was pregnant by him]
Soon after, the war against the Middle Empire began. The Judicial Department drew attention to his family. Chzhucheokh and his father were convicted of smuggling and improper ties with unfriendly states. Both were sentenced to 15 years of work [stone mining] in Cheh-seo correctional camps. Three months later, his father died of exhaustion.
Right after that, the camp management received a large bribe [presumably from Chzhucheokh fiancee's family], and Chzhucheokh was transferred to a light work [tools repair] A month later, Chzhucheokh attempted to escape [while killing one guard with a pickaxe] His sentence was increased to 30 years, but due to the repeated receipt of the bribes by the camp management, Chzhucheokh remained at the light work.
In the camp, Chzhucheokh became notorious for systematically refusing to work and being prone to aggression [participated in 26 scuffles, 3 convicts killed] In this regard, he received new, life sentence. Chzhucheokh is also known for his radical views [considers the northern newts to be scum, does not recognize the authority of the Swamp Sovereign and the Swamp Council, advocates rapprochement with Mha'ma lizards] Chzhucheokh's political views are extremely harmful to society [he calls himself a patriot, despises the so-called loyalists, including the Swamp Council, openly calls for the overthrow of the Sovereign's power] In this regard, Chzhucheokh received the status of incorrigible traitor of the Swamp Nation.
At the age of 7, Chzhucheokh was recruited into the Assault Battalion according to the Atonement of Harm decree [he personally demanded this regularly from the very beginning of his punishment] Chzhucheokh served as an individual assault marksman. Participated in the 2nd and 3rd battles in the Fusiga Forest [29 assault attacks in total] During the warfare, Chzhucheokh was wounded twice and had white ague.
Chzhucheokh is known for a large number of hit targets. He received 2 honorary awards: for destroying 5 enemies in 1 assault attack and completing the task in difficult conditions. The feedback from the command about him is ambiguous: determination, stress resistance and resourcefulness are combined with laziness, opium abuse and irascibility. By decree of the field commander Ya-Gwa, Chzhucheokh also received an award dress hat with the bronze badge of the Assault Battalion honorary veteran-marksman [currently considered an unofficial award]
Chzhucheokh first met the outbreak of the Green Plague epidemic in a brothel near the Wah-yanhyo village. No one, except him, survived. Chzhucheokh did not return to the Assault Battalion location anymore [currently declared a deserter] Later, he was spotted crossing the southeastern border of the Fushiga Forest in the company of two frogs. A year later, Chzhucheokh was involved in the robbery of a heavy weapons caravan in the south of the Great Swamp U-Chagh [all the merchants were murdered] Chzhucheokh is convicted of organizing a criminal gang. His sentence is commuted to the death penalty [cutting into 100 pieces with a bamboo knife]
Currently, the exact location of the felon is unknown. The felon's family is missing. Presumably, felon left the Swampland with his mother, sisters and gang members, resides illegally in the north of the Iron Caliphate. Due to diplomatic difficulties, the capture of the felon is currently impossible.
submitted by harinedzumi_art to theSmall_World [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 19:05 Ealeo-Solice [Student] SWE new grad resume feedback after making a ton of changes thanks to the wiki

[Student] SWE new grad resume feedback after making a ton of changes thanks to the wiki
Mods: Note that I've already spent extensive time with the wiki and spent over 6 hours making recommended changes. My last post was removed without reason with only the comment: "Read the wiki before posting", which is an extremely unhelpful comment given that I had clearly already done so. If I'm missing something clear from the wiki, please tell me what so that I may fix it, as I believe I've made every single recommended change I possibly could via the wiki and want human feedback now.
I'm targeting a new-grad SWE or DS position. I am currently located in Tulsa, OK and am applying to jobs nationally as well as remote jobs. I am willing to relocate. I am about to graduate with 3 majors and 2-3 minors. I have a TJO for a government computer science job. The program is good, as it pays for my masters the second year on top of full salary (76k) while not having to work that year, and only a 3 year commitment; however, given the amount of student loans I have and CC debt, I'd prefer to keep searching for something that has higher comp immediately.
So far, I've applied to over 300 positions (was qualified for probably 250+ of them), but have only had 4-5 interviews from those applications, and 1 was due to my school's name and another due to my previous internship experience with them. I don't believe I was making it past ATS. Once I get interviews, I can usually make it past the behavioral interview with flying colors, but I also struggle significantly with the technical interviews as I'm very out of practice with leetcode-style questions.
Since updating my resume this evening using the wiki, I feel confident that my resume is significantly stronger than it was when applying, but I want feedback on my bullet points in particular (as well as general feedback/anything I may have missed from the wiki). I'm also unsure if I'm handling the triple majominors correctly in my education section.
https://preview.redd.it/jkjtq6h6d1zc1.png?width=5100&format=png&auto=webp&s=0bd1d1e809411192ac85434005db78e9c0686f14
submitted by Ealeo-Solice to EngineeringResumes [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:59 EG3-80 Middle school sports/football book.

I read this book in middle school, so about 15 years ago. I remember it was a paperback book and the main premise was about a young guy who goes to college and attempts to walk on to the football team, he either gets rejected or the team tells him they aren’t accepting walkons this year. He ends up making an intramural team full of walks on and they practice on a terrible field outside the school. They end up playing the main schools team and win I believe.
submitted by EG3-80 to whatsthatbook [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:58 Immediate-Resort347 Mid-career engineer with CPL, looking for advice

tl;dr Mid-career aerospace engineer working in flight test now, but got my ASEL CPL on the side. Want to get CFI and/or continue building time and experience as a pilot, but with 250TT and a full time job, I'm not seeing many good opportunities to do that without quitting my job and going full time as a CFI. How do I continue building time and experience as a pilot? Quit my job and fly full time for a bit? Keep my job and build time slowly on the side? Something else?
Long version: I'm currently working as an aerospace integration engineer. Bachelor's in physics, 5+ years working on avionics software, and aerospace control systems integration and testing at several major firms. I started to burn out on my engineering career a few years ago. I felt I had done what I had wanted to do in each job, and wasn't excited for the next 40 years of my career path.
I started PPL training in high school and got through soloing before running out of money. I've known I wanted to be a pilot for as long as I can remember, but decided in high school to pursue science/engineering as a career and fly for fun one day.
I finally picked it back up after graduating college and working in industry for a bit. I thought I'd just do PPL and that's it, but I was hooked immediately and remembered how much I loved it and missed it. I finished PPL in early 2023, and got my IR a few months later. Built time on the side and got my CPL this year.
My plan was to get my CFI and just go full time as an instructor, but I took another job working for another aviation startup in system integration and flight testing, and it's been great. I've gotten to combine my aviation and engineering sides, get to work on planes on a daily basis, use my pilot skills pretty regularly to plan flight testing, and even fly right seat as a flight test engineer and test director.
I want to keep progressing as a pilot, so I am still planning to get my CFI, as I think I would actually enjoy instructing part time on the side. The problem is there aren't any flight schools near me that hire new instructors (<600 hours TT) part time. I'm at 250 TT, so I'm a ways away from those mins, especially if I'm working full time.
Being a civilian test pilot is my pie in the sky dream. I love combining engineering and flying, it's just a pure dopamine button for my brain. I know without a mil background it's still a long shot, and I'll never be flying fast tactical jets or anything (that's fine I'm happy working on much less exciting systems), but I feel my chances are non-zero with my work and education experience, especially with my current employer, but I still need way more flight experience (at least 2,000 hours probably).
So, I feel somewhat stuck - should I continue working in my job in flight testing which I really love, but defer building time and experience as a pilot? Or should I go full time as an instructor for a bit to keep progressing as a pilot, then maybe go back to engineering one day?
submitted by Immediate-Resort347 to flying [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:55 Able-Importance1 Should I still apply med school or go graduate school

Here are my stats: 3.7 cumulative GPA around 3.5 science GPA 506 (125/125/128/128) MCAT (my 1st attempt: 498 (125/123/125/125)) 4 yrs of research at my college + 3 publications Around 100 clinical (MA) hours and still working Maybe 50 shadowing hours (only 1 specialist)
I am an senior. I am debating if I want to try medical school still (plan not to apply for DO). Or if I should go the research route. Tbh I am not the best under pressure at the moment. I would prefer being a medical doctor tbh but I don’t think I’m capable of that. And tbh I don’t wanna redo the MCAT and don’t think I mentally can. What should I do in your opinion/what would u do?
submitted by Able-Importance1 to premed [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:53 randomrandoredditor The frustrating combination of NC, family gatherings and unsupportive family

The frustrating combination of NC, family gatherings and unsupportive family
Sorry but long random post, as I’m sad and disappointed.
I went NC with my mum over new years and since then she’s bombarded me with calls, stalked me, broken in to my home, I’ve had to call the police for help, contacted every friend I’ve had since middle school and convinced them I’ve lost my mind & they need to help her save me, not left my phone or insta inbox alone (not even to mend our relationship just to send me random texts and reels for attention) . I eventually had to delete her even from my LinkedIn out of fear she’d start contacting my employers because she was running out of people in my private life to contact.
I don’t have additional immediate family. My dad is also cluster B and I’m NC with him since 2022, all of my grandparents have passed away and I have no siblings. My uncle and aunts has been turned in to her flying monkeys over the years (they are also themselves dysfunctional people). So all the family I have left in my life is two cousins living far away from me. I rarely get to see them.
Since we (cousins and I) snap a lot in a group chat I recently opened up about my mums scary behaviour this year. We’ve been close since early childhood so eventually there were conversations where I would have to lie to not tell them.
Now one of them had a baby and invited me to the baptism, and since I never get to see them I really wanted to go but as my mum applies physical force when stalking me (thus police calls) I can’t go if she’s there. So I carefully and casually asked my cousin if my is invited too. No pressure or anything on her, just asking politely for the information.
She literally just left on read.
Which obviously translate to yes (which would have been okay, it’s her child and her celebration). But that she couldn’t even say so and just left me on read as if I’m the root of dysfunction in the situation was extremely hurtful and disappointing (although painfully in line with our culture).
Next year we would have been friends for 30 years. But because my mum stalks me, I guess we won’t be.
This year my mum has destroyed 2 of my friendships already in her NC revenge. Now im losing a family relation. I’m so tired of having to pay for her mental illness.
submitted by randomrandoredditor to raisedbyborderlines [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:48 BbyRnner Wishing there was Website for Teachers to Share Inside School Info

I wish there was a website where teachers could post inside information on their schools. I am going to be looking for a new school in a couple years. I am quitting this one and plan on subbing for a year or two before I sign myself into a contract with another school. I would love to have the inside scoop of teacher info before that happens.
The review I would write for my current school.
School Name Here
Students are highly motivated and will do the work you give them. However behavior is terrible and you will have no support to correct it. Parents only care about grades, they don’t give a crap what the behavior is like. Admin is weak and will not back you up.
You have nowhere to send the kids when they get out of line, such as the front office. Teachers here band together to let problem children be sent to other teacher classrooms. Furthermore the behavior expectations from admin are ridiculously high. Middle school students are expected to be SILENT, no talking at all, for all classes.
The pay is low compared to nearby schools. You will be expected to do many things that extend your hours.
Example 1: each teacher is expected to test new incoming students. Testing takes hours.
Example 2: weekly all staff meeting regularly run till 5-5:30. You are contracted to be at work by 7:30.
You will not get to have an input on the curriculum. It was designed by a teacher who worked here years ago that everyone still loves. If you have questions about it you can call her. She lives in another state now but is happy to make sure you are following her curriculum, even though she won’t give you all her materials.
There is no copy room. No one who does copies and the school does not like you using the computers. You are expected to make hundreds of copies on your own, plus buy your own ink. Not a one-to-one school. Admin and parents do not like you using technology although they will tolerate it for some things, such as tests.
As a final note, I would warn whoever wants to take this job that parents here are malicious. Watch yourself. I have had many parent complaints for simply doing my job. They did not talk to me, they emailed the principal directly. Complaints for -assigning homework -calling out students bad behavior when other teachers don’t -putting in too many grades
Good luck! You’ll need it.
submitted by BbyRnner to Teachers [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:41 thatonestrangekid [WeWantOut] 27F and 28M USA -> Scotland, Ireland, or Germany

Hi there! My husband, 2 large dogs (80 pounds & 100 pounds), our cat, and I are looking into moving out of the USA to either Scotland, Ireland, or Germany. We visited Northern Ireland in January 2024 and loved it even though that storm was brutal. My husband is currently in school to get his bachelor's in computer science with a certificate in cybersecurity. He has 2-3 years left before he completes the degree (part time student, year round school) and we are looking into moving out of the US. Here are my questions:
1) Once he has his degree and certificate, how hard would it be to move out?
2) Is the tech field super saturated/hard to find a job in the industry?
3) We currently own a home here in the US and were hoping to sell it to use the funds to purchase a home out there. How difficult is it to purchase a home when you're an expat?
4) What visas should we look into for planning to move within the next 5 years?
5) Are there people out there who provide services to help people like us move out of the US?
I work remotely full time at a local credit union doing quality control and have 6 years of experience in the financial industry (2 years as a teller, 3 years as a mortgage processor, 1 year quality control specialist, all for the same company) My husband currently works for a different credit union while he is going to school part time. He has 3 years experience in the financial industry (2.5 years as a teller, 0.5 years as an account specialist all with the same company). His plan is to continue working with the credit union until he completes his degree.
TLDR: Married couple with 2 large dogs and 1 cat are looking to move out of the US to Scotland, Ireland, or Germany within the next 5 years. Both of us have experience in the finance industry and my husband is getting a bachelor's degree in computer science.
Thank you so much for your time! We really appreciate it!
submitted by thatonestrangekid to IWantOut [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:40 rmoler65 Finally entered Onederland!!

Finally entered Onederland!!
23M SW: 364 lbs. I started this journey on May 14th 2023 and in just under a year I’ve dropped to under 200 for the first time since middle school :)
submitted by rmoler65 to CICO [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:39 Jadedinimicalfemboy I successfully sublimated the physical aspect of my libido after years of dedication.

 This is going to be a long post with many edits, so bear with me. As a short, ugly male who either was ignored or mistreated by women, I slowly came to the conclusion that investing emotionally and physically in the sexual-emotional aspect of life, as in relationships with the opposite sex. In time, I gathered an impressive array of spiritual material and pondered deeply meaning of life questions from the middle of my high school period until now at 34 years of age. It became an obsession, understanding the whys and wherefores of my physical embodiment. I read a lot about karmic theory from the Samkhya, Vedantic and Yogacara Buddhism philosophies, too much to elaborate here. What I did not know is that I was completely traumatized when little so that left hand path knowledge of the world had become completely obscured to me, as I am now finding out, which set me apart from my peers in interests pertaining to matters outside of society’s moral code. What finally did it for me was acknowledging and internalising an emotional vulnerability to an escort. Not the stuff of novels, but it did put me into a two week dark night of the soul experience which induced a marked drop in libido, increased strength and stamina, eidetic memory and a remarkable capacity to associate and link different disciplines such as science, spirituality, history etc. A few things that set me apart from others: I practiced ahimsa or non-violence all my life towards human beings, I did injure or possibly kill a cat or two in my very early childhood as far as I remember. Every day I pondered a meaning of life question and tried to understand my role in life. I did visit escorts from time to time. I had horrible phobia of venereal diseases and would spend weeks and months in depression, sometimes it was suicidal. Sex was always accompanied by shame, defeat and worthlessness because of this and other factors. This helped in increasing the strength of my “ awakening “ so to speak, by Thanatos rather than Eros. I never complimented a woman in my life and never flirted. After a few timid attempts I understood that what I was trying was pointless and gave up. What I learned during this period? I do not trust women. There is no hate here. I just consider them very dangerous. Men were always dangerous, but they never interested me emotionally , apart from intellectual and philosophical discussions. I wish to be unknown and live a solitary existence. Spirituality in this century is almost exclusively tied to left hand path practices and the risk of being corrupted by society’s hidden immoral mores is too high. Some yoga teachers insisted I become a guru or whatnot. After I found out about what cults entail and other unfortunate aspects that I will not list here, I decided to cut my ties with most people I know. Left hand practices again…. I am working on the mental aspect of sensuality and discovered a precious resource in the writings of Nyanamoli Thero regarding the eradication of sensual craving. As there is a second death that can be attained, after this one, which will further reduce my libido even more, my research into ways of cutting any attachment to people continues. I am also balancing this with Metta and Karuna practices. Human beings are a suffering lot. Even if I think of wealthy, beautiful, famous people, I can always pick apart their experience and easily point out the flaws in their quest for happiness and pleasure. I fooled around with manosphere material but realised that the amount of unwanted attention and sexual/emotional craziness women get into made me appreciate my celibate solitudinal existence even more. Also reflecting in the many horrid diseases and on the disgusting nature of the human body induced detachment regarding any pursuit of sensuality now and in the future. I come to appreciate the impact right hand practices have on the quality of my consciousness. Whether exhaustion, pain or deprivation, my mental processes are more refined and sharp. It is very useful in continuing my studies in the mysteries of the cosmos. My take on human nature and its predatorial aspects will forever estrange me from building any bonds with people enmeshed in society’s ways. I will continue to develop my spiritual pessimistic philosophy in the future. Considering having a vasectomy in the future, since condemning a child to carry half of my DNA is tantamount to murder in my opinion. Discovered an interesting link in oxytocin neuropasticity practices. Basically, detachment inducing disciplines like cemetery, disgusting parts of the body and impermanence meditations decrease oxytocin and attachment to said object of desire, in my case the body of the opposite sex. While Metta and Karuna towards my desired object of attachment, the vast library of books on innumerable topics that I own, increases oxytocin levels and bonding.
submitted by Jadedinimicalfemboy to spirituality [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:38 RepresentativeOkra10 Switching to Mac from PC for Chem PhD

Hi everyone. I've been a pc user for 10+ years, and after several weeks (months) of crashes, issues with software, and poor battery life, I've decided to switch from windows to Mac. I am a 1st year chemistry/materials PhD student and 9/10 members of my lab use mac over windows for our work. While I know some software/programs will be worse on the Mac compared to my windows, it largely hasn't been an issue for my colleagues. I am very computer illiterate, and a large portion of why i haven't made the switch is just because i don't feel like learning a new OS. What are some key things I should take note of as i switch? Is there anything I should know for downloading software such as TOPSPIN or other science specific items?
I know a lot of people say to use Macs version of word/excel etc but I will need to use Office for Mac due to my schools standard.
Thanks!
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2024.05.07 18:37 Kind_Tap8887 Should I quit playing Lacrosse

I am a high school student that is playing varsity lacrosse with my school. I am thinking about quiting for a multitude of reasons. My coach says to treat everyone like family but I am dealing with full on bullying. I'm being slashed on the sidelines (by my teammates remember) during practices and games. I am being pushed out of offensive huddles so I can't hear what we are doing correctly and incorrectly. If I retaliate then they act like they didn't do anything and I'm the one that gets in trouble. There are a multitude of other reasons. I'm not going to go into details about other reasons because those would give who I am away. Just know that another reason is that they call me (the actual name of this) "male reproduction fluid". At practice, they shoot balls at my head (full on shots) while we are waiting on the sidelines during drills.
The main reason why is the attitude. I've had to deal with the same people since middle school and they have terrible attitudes. They argue with the refs, coaches, and other players. Coach talked to them and said to change their behavior or your getting pulled. They never change and they never get pulled.
The coaches know that this stuff is happening. I've told them. They never do anything. They let it continue to happen. I really don't want to quit but I can't handle this.
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2024.05.07 18:37 Nice_Ad7365 One Opinion

Salutations fellow sinners,
If you are righteous, this plea is not for you; but regardless, grace, not pieces within you even yet.
In the words of those before me, I hope it will not be thought disrespectful to those this may not apply, my opinions are just that, and quite contrary to what we are sold on the television set. The world stage is a large one, but different people often see the same subject in different lights, and, therefore I shall speak openly, without reserve, and in light of God’s Words of truth, the greater light, bet–
Yet, while mercy has been displayed continually by our father, love he and thank thee, merci’ – we failed to follow suit. Mitigating sacrifice was established through the last sacrifice; and it was not Paul, Saul, David or Bugatti. But in order to know God, you must know the Son. A sinner of the statute of the life I have lived can shed light on the power of repentance and the saving grace of our God, the Creator, thanks to the Son. This is the first call, all call, last call to fellow sinners; a call to pause and reflect because the signs of times are all around us, and this time we can’t walk out of the stagecoach.
In the beginning, God made two lights- one greater and one lesser, but both lights nonetheless. Both residing externally Sun and Moon, and internally, both a comprehension of plurality of masculine and feminine, as well as greater and lesser light. But regardless, both lights nonetheless, and light always wins; now or later, preferably sweeter and sooner than the Phoenix. Along the path to redemption there are inevitably trials and tests commensurate with our desires – but the beauty of our Father’s plan, he always brings us back to the brighter light, once we comprehend – for only he and we know the affliction of our heart. He keeps working on us until our hearts are purified and fully understands his design for our lives. There will always be good vs. evil both internally and externally until balanced, but in reality, it is God vs. man because only God is good, and let us be honest, are we really trying to challenge that? But God keeps promises in bringing us back even in our ignorance, and I can attest to that. He is our strength at all times, both high and low; yielding in our hearts to what he’s trying to teach our soul. He loves us regardless of how far we are or fall, and will not abandon us, no matter what live now says, fear not.
Sometimes lessons are sobering for those who are stubborn; we may not understand, but he knows how to teach us through the environment around us. Jesus, our brother and while a, also the, son, came to emphasize the importance of yielding to God for correction. His yoke is indeed lighter; showing us how to attain it through following; following requires doing, which demands denying ourselves more often and practicing faith knowing in your heart the brighter light always prevails. Reiterating if we have a missing piece, a hole to fill, it is God we’re searching for; it can’t be filled with earthly matters. If we lose faith, we lose sight of what he’s doing in our lives and those we are in contact with. Making sure the light prevails, for when we tumble in the darkness, the light only surfaces on occasion.
Nonetheless, our hearts become like a twisted ball of yarn the more we sin and stray from the path he tries to keep us on. He has to untangle each strand, leading us back one by one. Reintegration and restoration, trust and love, resurrecting a passion for life. The prodigal kids, here we come; and he does it for all of us, not just some. He’s a master potter, shaping and molding us throughout life; some more stiff necked than others, but that’s par for the course. Just like the oxen, being worked in amongst the fodder, break the weights and the neck will move further. The moment we surrender and turn back in plea, truly searching and seeking out thee; he always relents and helps us to rebuild. It is a bitter sweet double-edged sword for when you realize that we cause our own dismay amplified by false portrayals around us, it becomes quite evident what must change. The weight on our brother’s shoulders, both then and now – for he fought without lifting a finger for us and did not succumb, but prevailed. The last sacrifice, unfathomable and deserving of appreciation; but fear not friends, for he has been risen, many times before. Once we accept that we are being groomed to receive the promises guaranteed to all, that he wants all of the sheeple, not just the spotless, life makes more sense. He is coming to bring us all home, around to the full light. A combination of both as intended, a mastery of self-awareness; Love prevails, God never fails.
We are indeed all like Atom, after all we do live in Atom’s Sphere, and are made up of none other than, atoms here, and yes, just as we have been told time and again, hallowed my dear. Hence the Alpha and the Omega, first and last, because this whole life is made up of just that. Yet, while science is fascinating and adoration of awe; don’t forget to give credit to the maker of it all. Hence, we must seek and be able to answer “Who am I” in order to identify origination; that is where we find God. We as the body are the temple, not a box. He is the One and the Three, the tree for both you and me; tomorrow’s vision may not be a Friday, but there will be a day. God is the master mathematician, and he's not a big fan on division. You see our God is a God of multiplication and addition, not a fan of taking away and starting over; who wants to destroy their crop, unless a last resort? Speaking of which, have you seen, who owns the largest amount of crops? Will be interesting to see, how someone with so much acreage could see famine right down the street, and what they’ll do to address the civil unrest. Quite contrary indeed, similar to a drug dealer killing their clientele with highly synthetic pleas. But if that’s what it takes, we know the lord doesn’t hesitate, do you serve the lord, God, or the local magistrates. Ever considered why cows are so sacred? The opposite of Mo’ Mo’ is Woe Woe; we need more Mo and less woe, man. Between Wesley and Presley, Stanley and Springsteen, the Stones and Roses; we should see by now; but even while written on the walls, we become selfish and thinking ‘me above all’.
This pissing matches in the desert are just continuations of ancient-day slaughter. David vs. Goliath based out of sheer foolery and fighting over the daughters; ashes to ashes, dust to dust- our Christ, your Christ, their Christ ours, is already alive, residing inside us, awaiting to be unlocked from behind the bars. Yet, is that how we receive grace, by taking it? Controlling the funds, ports, or oil and calling ourselves kings or gods of the kingdom. Casting lots without him and creating general allotments. Kicking out those who were before us, how has that worked so far. He promised he wouldn’t leave, and indeed it’s been true. He’s been living in the structure of our being, both me and you. Why do you think the pollen heightens or hurricanes roar stronger; how flowers and trees come to be before we; unprecedented spectacles will only be warnings so much longer. Do we think that ‘it is what it is’ and just move on? Or do we halt, stop, ponder seek and see. For even the great magician couldn’t see this set, so much time with deceit and perversions, not enough time in the foreground yet, living the life you forced others to see; not this one, not I, not the Leo in me. Go back and see for yourself, take a peep at the reel, yes … read. The Republic, Phaedo, The Symposium, The Torah, Quran, Testimonies, Revelation, Mayan, Chinese, Indian, Norse, Native American principles – yet we still sometimes fail to see, the children of God – yes, that is you and me.
The Lion of Judah paid the sacrifice for us to live, by combining the three sticks into one, into One hand, the Father. Three, one, One, the fifth star complete. We were told in the book of Ezekiel “Say unto them, thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I will take the stick of Joseph, which is in the hand of Ephraim, and the tribes of Israel his fellows, and will put them with him, even with the stick of Judah, and make them one stick, and they shall be one in mine hand.” All right there on Calvary; so that others may, LIVE. . . if they believe! But faith is a personal profession and proclamation, between man/woman, wholeness in singularity and God. Why was that taken away from us, from the people? For the people, by the people, forsaken the love we first had, our sweet May flower, Satsuki.
It is a part of the lessons as the road trips us up sometimes, Lara sold to the captain for a lot more than 30 shekels this time. But step away Mr. R.A., this auction is believers only; Lady Beth is in a bud bidding battle, 26 and gone. Smoke stacks spitting, dualities into the sunny skies before night; loads on the roads bringing tears to our eyes. Ancient times and can’t forget behind locked inside the cages; the ringmasters and toastmasters, telecasters and forecasters, singing on an empty stage. Cheating is cheating regardless of state, zip, or theatrical stage, for them, your friends, or colleagues esteemed, 897, 598, 8; quit with your shows and lies and make-believe pies and let my soul’s mate, great. Hope comes from more than batteries and neon, don’t go spending money on needles and guns just yet, neither hot nor cold, and yes . . . Lo key, Loki blues not at all much hotter. Take a look at the wood of holly and you’ll see how the dream works; fishing moon to moon, but be careful who you pray to goonies. For that whistle could be a thistle, and barefoot with blue jeans.
But there is only One judge and jury, so who are we to kick people out, when no one owns this land that we reside on amongst earth; just like the artic, no visa required. So how do we turn our backs on our brothers and sisters fleeing in need of higher glory, for a glory of a nation, belongs to the Father. The hunger games have begun; yet, just as warned by the Son, and Sun, we have been more focused on abiding by man-made rules. We could have even listened to Kat or the Tules, but sure didn’t see that one either. For even in Genesis, the very first book, it takes searching and hunting with arrowheads for the stars to line up. Creating a multi-faceted, yet singular story; “and the angel of the Lord found her by a fountain of water in the wilderness called Shur”, sure sounds familiar. Like Jesus and the Samaritan by the well, but what is Samaritan; but darkness of the night, yet we are still the pupil of the eye. Nonetheless, a child of God and who is man to judge? Again, we find in Genesis, for the beginning doesn’t make sense until the end, “wherefore the well was called “Beer-la-hai-roi” – oh, hey Roy, let’s stop drinking whiskey, I would like to drink from the fountain of life so I can see. Behold, it is between Kadesh, which means clean, and Be-red, which sounds a lot like anger. Faith, Hope, and Love overcomes death even yet.
For man rests on the outskirts of our spirit, the flesh and bag of bones. For the spirit is strong, but the flesh is weak and yet our God is omnipresent amongst all, with no favoritism and no hate. What a beautiful date, for only God is great, and we are works in progress; the good stuff, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, it does not matter to he who creates. Our souls will be purified and set free after redemption and cleansing. Some along the way have manipulated that fact for political gain, financial gain, status, time and time again. Like now, again – don’t believe it? Start searching and you will see it.. But ole Lewis was crafty, both on and off stage, not really wanting you to see behind that veil or the sage. Jesus told us to seek, and we would find; and oh, you do… once earnestly like, Mr.
The Sign of Jonah we have already seen, and continue to see, for those with eyes or ears and those who are not asleep. For we know that “Jonah was gone down into the sides of the ship; and he lay, and was fast asleep.” “They cast lots, and the lot fell upon Jonah.” “He said to them, I am an Hebrew; and I fear the Lord, the God of heaven, which hath made the sea and the dry land.” Mind you, a brew of “he” – we all have a little Hebrew inside of us, some even a little Peter.
The men knew he had fled from the presence of the Lord. “I cried by reason of mine affliction unto the Lord and he heard me, out of the belly of hell cried I, and thou heard my voice. The waters compassed me about, even to the soul: the depth closed me round about, the weeds were wrapped about my head. I went down to the bottoms of the mountains: the earth with her bars was about me forever: yet hast thou brought up my life from corruption, O Lord my God. They that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercy. But I will sacrifice unto thee with the voice of thanksgiving, I will pay that, that I have vowed. He was the last sacrifice, and no more are desired or required. Instead, deny that last drink, or staying out too late seeking sin and adulteries; spoken from wisdom, it causes death all the faster. But it’s more than just the obvious sins and transgressions, for God knows our hearts, and that is hard to hide. Proof is in the puddin’ they say, so what are we made of? Pause, Rewind, and Reflect; break the curse of negative consequence; or be like Joseph, forget.
Brothers and Sisters, the choice is yours for we are different but the same, how can we question and use his name in vein. Was he not the one who highlighted the arteries, the good and the evil, all wrapped up in one. Overcoming and persevering through the plurality, aligning the zeros and mitigating other ones. So, what exactly is the plurality we are faced with deep within this sea of the dead? Shall we consider all of the crests and logos throughout time looking at what they have in common, for I agree with thee. Especially the ones they like to plaster like the ivy all over our walls and halls. Or the stories of creation amongst cultures, lions, gods, legends, dragons, rabbits, dogs, and yes… baals. You can keep your Jumanji, because do you think he cares if we play football or soccer, or what kind of fancy clothes we wear. Is it not less so the act and more so the fact, that while some make millions to play, we’ve got kids homeless and hungry on the streets without a fork, pillow, or books to read. Yet, we always find something to protest, leaving the big question up in the air of who would like to see, finally a day of rest? He’s the same God… try and protest that.
When a red giant loses hydrogen, it loses brightness; likewise, when a red rose loses hydrogen, it also loses brightness. When hydrogen is lost, sulfur ensues to reestablish homeostasis. Yes, brimstone and sulfur help to re-establish pH levels in soil, which is required for a rose to thrive. We are the rose, rose lines have been established all along, out of the ground from the mud, a flower amongst all. Heading back from the blue; yes, that is me and you. God is the cultivator, not the local gardener. Weather my family, we have no control, even though we try. But the all-seeing, he knows what others don’t and the ‘others’ are you and I – did we not see the one that just took first place prize amongst all our eyes floating in the April skies? Do we need more signs of times from space, a wish dragon may not be the best one for our fate. When a son is born, God keeps his covenant; a rainbow in the sky, a spectacle of color and beauty. When a supernova explodes, or the star’s energy is “liberated”, collapsing into a neutron star, or a black hole, respectively and collectively. If someone is of the lesser light, a black hole is born, eating everything around it to the point that its surroundings collapse in; whereas someone of the greater light, Jimmy the neutron shines bright.
One pill makes you larger, one pill makes you small; but must you not know both sides of the coin before you pick up and play with the ball. Ask Neo, or Leo, or summon Alice; ask for a cortado, or ask the Mayans who’s sons also played baal. For words are words, but the sounds of nature are what reveal the true voice of God. If sound is manipulated, and your eyes put into a blur; who’s to say you really know what day it is, thanks Greg. But when sound and sight become a tool of manipulation for the ages, that’s when it’s time to step in and say hold your four horses there Cynisca. The sins my friend must come to an end for there are watchers this time, and they’ve been watching. I’m not sure Theodore meant the credit belongs to the Olympic athlete; more so the man or woman whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, from the knocks of this life. The gripping servitude, a distraction from reality. Getting beat down constantly by society, those appointed over, trying to make an inch only to get hit with a mile. Eights are great especially for fate, but fate without grace; run rabbit run.
The only way to recover from being a sinner is to be baptized by understanding, you have to go through it to grow through it; persevere in order to see the promises. That fire on the mountain will make you a little crazy, but if you persevere and stick through it, it will most certainly save you and teach a level of compassion unknown before. Once you realize that ‘circumcision’ has nothing, yet everything, to do with genitalia, you begin to understand quickly. The spirit is alive inside of us when we choose to listen and ‘liberate it’. Jesus told us himself, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. And then Genesis tells us “Abraham was 99 years old when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin; “and all the men of his house, born in the same house, and bought with money of the stranger, were circumcised with him. Do you really think a 99-year-old man had his genitals cut, when God is of Mercy and Compassion, not human mutilation and humiliation? Isn’t it more plausible after understanding of truth, that the circumcision is ascension of the spirit, for those who come to, and we all do.
We know in Hosea God says that he “desires mercy and not sacrifice.” And again, in Matthew paraphrased “but go and learn what this means, I desire mercy and not sacrifice, for I have come to call not the righteous, but the sinners to repentance.” Steps begotten even further for merci’ is thanks, and thanks do we owe he. But have we learned… Even in the Quran, paraphrased “Say oh my worshippers, who have transgressed against himself, never lose hope in the mercy of God.” If we are meant to live in the image of God, who is of mercy; why do we constantly battle for superiority. Religion is a man-made cancer.
Mother Earth is roaring like a lion, at the tipping point wondering why we are acting like the blood sucking zombies we are. For oil is a type of blood line, an artery, life for earth. How do we assume that an engine runs without oil; yet, we are constantly bombarded with the façade that global warming is “not on this earth.” Google’s earth and the X would suggest otherwise, right there amongst the screens for all eyes to see, once they take the time to glean. Joy and glee must have escaped you and me, for it is not the “gold” that everyone seeks. Makes a lot of sense why the gods of earth would want the wars to continue, if you were the benefactor of what fuels the flame. But sorry Mr. want to be king, contrary to belief, it is not just a “can of soup that you can stack on top of” and take what we want without regard for the overall sustainability. For some reason, we only consider the timeframe in which we are alive, but how much longer until we learn that we reap what we sow, and while we as a species have overcome many defeats, all that is really witnessed is destruction, on repeat.
We are in no times of ceremony or celebrations, yet that’s all we seem to do. Mass parades, escapades and Olympic masquerades. The question before the people, my fellow sinners; are you ready? But are we not in the exact same spot as Henry once said, “I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery”; Egypt all over again, yes, this time globally.
But more than free from omens, how about liberty and justice, the two stone weights from above. It is then that we can place hope in representation; for the taxes and costs keep rising, but my people keep flailing. Do what you will, but there is no shame in opinion or giving offence; It should make us all question and hit our knees to repent. If the leaders of our houses are called Beelzebub or Jezebel, how much more those of their household, the slaves of man building their strongholds, me and you.
Henry warned over two-hundred years ago, a fact that resonates true, still to this day,
“We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it.
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided; and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of the British ministry for the last ten years, to justify those hopes with which gentlemen have been pleased to solace themselves, and the House? Is it that insidious smile with which our petition has been lately received? Trust it not, sir; it will prove a snare to your feet. Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with these war-like preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled, that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation; the last arguments to which kings’ resort.”
Patrick Henry, 1775.
Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed – righteous and ruins. So, Jacob called the name of the place Peniel for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved – again sounds familiar, a lot like Pineal, for he is indeed the all-seeing right on our foreheads. In the middle of its street, and on either side of the river, each tree yielding its fruit every month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of nations, yet we see that one also become corrupt, chasing the dollar bill. They shall see his face, and his name shall be on their foreheads. Do you know your name. Do you know which ladder you’re climbing.
Like a trick candle, we will be re-lit; set out as conquerors and landed on our face thus yet. But when a forest burns, it comes back ever-green; all of my friends, again that is you and me. Leonardo and Charlie, they were about it too; just like Jesus told us, it can be me and you. But the path is narrow, hard to find like Stefani, but Ja rules once you remove the rocks and the water flows. Like the lightning and midnight moon, show its glow amongst the river flow where the wild fern grows. A flower there, with a purple; now you see Whitley.
Chase your dreams and do not be confined to the limitations within the confounds of your reality. Change your personality and you change your personal reality. Embrace experiences and learn from them; in so doing with all your heart be guided with best intent. Do not forsake love, especially the one we first had. Be understanding of yourself and each other. We are all interrelated, stories and family, as such we either help or hurt, collectively. But if you are living life with an open and loving heart, how can you contest we’d be better off than we were at the start. The more we make mistakes and ignore the truth, the further we delve away from others and the true you. That is the challenge of a life full of sin, we have to deny our desires in order to identify that in him. If we can do this at a micro level, we can do it at a macro level. For what is love, if you do not know – God is beautiful, and so are you.
Forsake not the value of consciousness and of life itself; the thought thereof to both create life, and maintain it to term is a matter not to be tampered with. For it is one of grace, and yet uncertainty; but is it not by faith that we overcome hurdles down in the pit of hell, with the help of our father from above, outside the water pale. So ought not the choice of life or death reside with the one who will be responsible to pay the price of said death.
Seek your soul mate, the one we’re searching for – the missing piece within us all, our personal slice of the everlasting, the all-living God. Our piece intended for us, but kept in secret; hidden from helping us thrust to heights we belong. Maybe that is the root, just as confirmed in Genesis yet; for if we do the right thing, will we not be accepted? We are most certainly able, just like Abel, who was slaughtered for doing the right thing. Societal problems continue to expound, but what do we expect for everyone wants a crown. We all have different ways of dealing with our emotions. Particularly the emotion of not feeling loved. Some it pisses off, some drink, others drugs, and violence. But what if you were aware? Would that change, could you change if called out in front of them all. When you meet God in your time, is it not the ideal you had within your mind, a captivating beauty – male, female, or no sex at all. Not to discount finding that on earth if you’re lucky, if the stars line up and you identify the duality like Mona, the Lisa related to Issa. But most will search throughout life with the wrong intent in thine eye; often missing the extra time of completeness and digging deeper into the valley of “I”. To the point individually, and collectively, we create our own demise. It is important to rest, relax, and look within. Meditation certainly helps, but isolation and withdrawal bring about results in an expedited manner. A complete removal of sound in order to process life and how complicated we make it. It is exhausting. Life, for if we had an international stand down, a timeout to explore within, look at the information you may or may not be without. That was the intent behind the sabbath, yet we stopped listening and understanding all cultures that fit into the story, reflecting on history, instead we choose to respond by erasing it. We shouldn’t be complacent and allowing a few to control the narrative for all. If you can answer and describe love, than a congratulation is due to you all; but for some, we may not know until we fall. An expectation of ‘normalcy’, yet who determines what normal is. What you should, or should not want to do. Let us learn to love, starting with the creator, then to thee, and the neighbor around we. To be holy is not religion, for religion creates more division. Holy is a state of being, spiritual – a love for both me and we. For she is an abundance of emerald beauty, golden flowing and eyes that cut through lies.
Captains of the Nations, you are supposed to be the leaders on earth, right? But the real question is, have you been doing your job, and what light does guide thy feet? You want centralized information, but do you know what you are enabling and yet imposing upon creation.
Attitude reflect leadership, Captain. Earth's people will rise again.
Until we meet again, I See You.
He Sees Us.
submitted by Nice_Ad7365 to spirituality [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:37 Clear-Research-5112 dealing with triggers

I randomly saw someone who caused me a lot of trauma. When I was in middle school I had a friend who was a couple years older than me who coerced me into doing some weird sex stuff with him. It was my very first sexual experience and I was really scared and tried to talk about how I was uncomfortable but he kept pushing. I had to go to the same school as him for a while but eventually transferred away.
This was a really hard thing to process throughout my teen years and led to me trying to cope by being very hypersexual, which led to some more traumatizing situations.
I've been to therapy and group therapy about my SA history and it has been very healing. I'm at a new point in my recovery where I'm a different person than I've ever been before.
But seeing him really threw me off. It put me back in this hypervigilant state from when I had to school with him. I just want to stop thinking about him. It's like he floats in the back of my head and I'm watching for signals that he's around or that something I said might get back to him. It's not reasonable at all but it's what happens in my head. It's hard to get rest, I keep waiting until I'm too tired to think. It's like my brain created this version of him that watches me from my own head.
I don't know how to talk about it, or who to talk about it with. It's just so blocked for me. Talking about it feels unsafe and I don't want to be misunderstood. I don't want to admit that I'm weak. I know that's not what it is, I know I'm not weak but it still feels like it. Trying to talk about it has led to so much additional trauma (with the school, my mom, even some of my friends).
I just feel this weird combination of numb, dread, fear, and remembering it.
I guess I just want to know that I'm not alone and I'm not crazy.
submitted by Clear-Research-5112 to ptsd [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:36 DontWanaReadiT Do yall check on your fish one by one everyday even in community tanks where you have schools of fish?

Or is my ADHD getting the better of me?
I have two tanks that are entirely my own, and then my BF has his tank. I check on my 40 gal community, crouch and count them all one by one, checking their fins making sure everyone’s okay, checking the temp making sure it didn’t break on me in the middle of the night.. I say hi to my boys in the tank, Tomahawk the GBR, and Sazon my beautiful orangy red honey gourami, then I count all of my rummies making sure their faces are red.
Count my Cories and make sure they’re happy, check on my girl honeys, Bowie the pleco, and then my glass catfish school 😭😭😭😭🫡
And then I move on to my shrimp tank- is this normal?
submitted by DontWanaReadiT to fishtank [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:36 butteryflakycrust0 I need to know if I’m being selfish or something

I (25f) and my husband (27M) have two children. A 16 month old male, and a 3.5 y/o male with level 3 autism and is non verbal. To set the scene, I’m a stay at home mom and I have been since January 7th 2022. My husband works 12 hour swing shifts between days and night for a large power company in the state we reside in.
My 3.5 y/o has therapies that I take him to, and I do all the intake paperwork for services, I’m the one seeking places out and calling these places, I’m the one that works with the school for his IEP and keeping up with them. I take him to his other appointments for his issues with his feet and I take him to all his well check appointments. I take him to urgent care or the ER whenever as well, whether it’s in the middle of the night or not.
My 16 month old is not yet talking, and if by 18 months he still isn’t, then he will be referred to EI again, where I will inevitably do all the intake, meetings, and taking him to speech therapy. I take him to all his well check appointments as well as urgent care or ER if ever needed, again whether it’s in the middle of the night or not.
I prepare all the food that my kids eat, I buy all the groceries, I feed the kids. I dress the kids every day in clothes that don’t look bad together (for example, my husband would put the kids in stripes with plaid or something along those lines 🙃). I do all the bills when my husband’s paycheck hits our bank account. I’m the one that keeps track of the bills to know what got paid in the current month and what needs to get paid still in the current month. I put all the laundry in the washer and dryer and unload it, but he folds all the laundry and recently I started taking over the kids laundry because he won’t match the outfits together.
Now, here is where I’m quite frankly starting to lose my shit. If my husband is off from work, I like to catch up on some sleep or I just don’t want to do the morning duties and get a break. My husband will feed my 16 month old something really stupid for breakfast like a leftover turkey loin. He doesn’t make a meal for him, and seems incapable of doing so. He “forgets” to get the kids a drink for the day and won’t refill it when it’s empty (he simply just won’t pay attention). An example of this is last week I accidentally woke up 13 minutes before my 3.5 y/o had speech therapy and my husband “forgot” and never woke me up. I rush out the door and get him there 8 minutes after I woke up. I assume my husband has done the duties of the morning but that day at 7:30pm I ask my husband where the kids sippy cups are, and low and behold they never got a drink that day. This happens ALL the time with him. It’s never a problem when he isn’t home. Now I understand I could also remember myself to do it and just assume my husband won’t get one for them, but it shouldn’t be like that.
Another thing, my husband doesn’t have to listen to the kids scream, cry, babble, vocal stim, etc at all hours of the day and night (only when they’re sleeping it stops) but god forbid the kids need something or are being whiney and needy for let’s say an hour, my husband is grunting and sighing and being overall just shitty about having to do stuff for the kids if I want to relax on the couch as well as he will sit at the computer and not play with the kids at all or acknowledge them. All I want to do is relax while he occupies the kids because I get extremely overstimulated and burnt out, and he doesn’t pay any attention to them.
Now here are the things my husband does do when he’s home:
He changes most of the diapers He folds the laundry He does the dishes He does any lawn mowing or snow blowing that needs doing depending on the season
If my kids fall or hurt themselves or are crying, he has NO sense or urgency to go check on them either. It’s infuriating. He has to be told outright to do things and when I tell him to do something or tell him he’s doing something wrong, or the meal he made the kids is bad or not enough, he gets a shitty attitude toward me as well.
I have mental health issues. I have anxiety, severe panic disorder, depression, ADHD and I’ve been diagnosed bipolar twice (once when I was a teenager and once when I was 20, but I don’t think I am) and I am not medicated for bipolar or ADHD. I am bout 99% sure that I am autistic as well. I am working on getting a diagnosis for that. I take medication for my anxiety, panic attacks and depression. But I still find myself very burnt out, and overstimulated from being the default parent. Am I being selfish or is my husband selfish or just doesn’t care? I am at a loss because I’m beginning to become extremely irritated with him and more relieved when he isn’t in the house than when he is. I’m getting angry easily because I am stressed out to the max and I don’t want to project that onto my kids. I try very hard to not do that.
Anyways, thoughts?
submitted by butteryflakycrust0 to Parenting [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:35 jbp84 Looking for typing/keyboarding resources

Next year I’ll be teaching a middle school keyboarding elective. I’m looking for any apps, programs, websites, etc. to use. Here are the details of what I’ll be doing:
Please send me any ideas or suggestions that you’ve used or seen used. Thanks!!
submitted by jbp84 to Teachers [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:34 -jbrs Bridging the Gap [OC]

Bridging the Gap [OC]

Bridging the Gap

The challenge in the fight on vaccines isn't the facts. It's getting people to listen.
https://preview.redd.it/wcl4621071zc1.png?width=596&format=png&auto=webp&s=f5c504be1c185e9c821e6c54967ae633729711a7

Roadblocks

One of the biggest challenges in Robert Kennedy Jr’s candidacy is overcoming the ‘anti-vaccine’ label. It’s weaker than it was years ago - Covid changed everything - but it’s still a barrier for a lot of people. And it’s not that they listen to his views and find them unreasonable. It’s just the way he’s been attached to the label, a conversation-ending smear so effective that people will reject him instantly and outright before he’s even had a chance to speak.
Many of the vaccine skeptical know exactly what it’s like - they were once on that side too. It’s as Guy describes above: almost all of us started off believing the institutional story, until something forced us to question it. Once people actually listen to what the other side has to say, opinions tend to change pretty quickly.
But there are a few major roadblocks preventing most people from ever beginning down that path, and I want to talk about them because they're how an official narrative as weak as the one on vaccines has been able to stand as long as it has.
One roadblock is the extreme (and engineered) stigma around the issue - the hate and derision you'll receive for questioning the consensus out loud; the social and even professional consequences you'll face. It's powerful enough for most to recoil at the faintest hint of deviation from the institutional line. It's almost a disgust reflex, and often comes with anger.
Another is the stake we naturally develop as participants. We don’t want to believe we’ve harmed ourselves and those we’re responsible for, and so there's a tendency to be too quick to accept the word of authorities who reassure us that we haven't.
Both of those have shifted significantly in recent years - the counterexamples have become too salient, too undeniable.
But there's still one impediment that is only in the early process of moving, and which continues to bar the way for many, holding the other roadblocks in place as well. It's that people simply can't imagine how our system - the system that they rely on in so many ways - could allow something like what is being claimed to take place.
People often need to understand the full scope of how something could happen before they can begin to process evidence that it is. And the implications of what the other side claims are just prima facie impossible to them, so they can't even begin to consider the evidence presented.
The system in theory works: experts in the field will call out bad science and behavior. Institutions aren't perfect but the incentives and mechanisms are in place for errors to be called out and needed improvements to be made. If the harms are real, why wouldn't the experts speak out? What motivation could they possibly have to do something like this and cover it up? And how could they possibly pull it off with so many who surely don't share the motive watching?
https://preview.redd.it/8kwgsyyl41zc1.png?width=679&format=png&auto=webp&s=0f05ad3d43724dffc5cc8419d44d2cd90da4c1fe
The intuitive conviction is that something like significant vaccine injury simply couldn't go undetected and unaddressed. The system would never allow it. And unfortunately what it usually takes is a personal experience with the failures of the system to start seeing that the way the system works in theory is not the way it works in practice - often an injury to oneself or a loved one.
(I'm very sympathetic to those who still take the default position for this reason - I wouldn't know either if I hadn't had my own set of experiences exposing me to the holes in the institutional story.)
If such an experience happens to you, you'll be gaslit about it if you bring it to anyone's attention, just a coincidence, and some continue to fall for it. But for many that intuitive conviction is broken. Their stance begins to open a little bit. In spite of all of the once-persuasive programming, it becomes undeniable that something is clearly wrong here. And at that point you can start to really take in the evidence.
You start to see some things that really shift your intuitions. Some were things you probably saw before, but you waved them off then - marginal issues, but the system still mostly works. The experts know what they’re doing; who were you to disagree? But now these discrepancies are forcing you ask questions, and they begin to pile up.
You see example after example of corruption and incompetence in public health and the pharma industry - the number of medications recalled, the fines for fraud and unethical business practices, the way the research process has been fundamentally corrupted, the bad incentives and conflicts of interest present all throughout the industry and its regulatory bodies, the way the institution protects itself at the expense of the public it serves.
https://preview.redd.it/gz9ciljo41zc1.png?width=544&format=png&auto=webp&s=5621a1d67e2b3a7e3dd1498add8e0a97dd0c84cb
You see massive failures in other once highly-respected institutions and organizations - sometimes amounting to plain evil. You start to wonder if medicine and public health are so different, if they are so immune to the problems that plague every other institution.
You see the way whistleblowers and dissidents lose their livelihoods and reputations through targeted character assassination campaigns, and wonder if there aren't many more who are reluctant to speak out in face of such heavy consequences.
Then maybe you start actually looking into what the anti-vaccine loonies have been saying.

Narrative and Reality

It happened for me. I went to a chiropractor's office once many years ago and remember shaking my head in disbelief seeing the Vaccines Revealed series on display on the check out desk. It was a feeling of second-hand embarrassment and sharp judgment - don't you know all of that's been debunked? I didn't actually even know the claims made in the series or anything else about it - I just knew that everyone knows it's BS.
But eventually, I'm not sure exactly what prompted it, I watched some of the interviews. Maybe it was like this - I'd been confidently wrong before.
So I listened... and what I heard actually made sense. It wasn't what I was expecting, the tired and easily dispatched arguments I was sure would be presented. These were intelligent and knowledgeable people, often experienced doctors and nurses, once fully behind the program, but sacrificing their careers and the esteem of their peers to speak out about what they had come to see as a terrible injustice.
(Robert Kennedy Jr was one of those interviewed, and I remember I had a skepticism of him when I first saw him even though I didn't know anything about him; this strange closed stance I found myself taking even though I couldn't place or understand why exactly I took it. I must have absorbed it through all the negative coverage he received... He's become one of my greatest heroes in the time since.)
What I found is that these people on the other side generally seemed more knowledgeable, often a lot more, in the rare instances where engagement between the two sides was allowed. [1][2][3]
And I looked deeper and deeper. I wasn't sure about my ability to parse every claim, but when I'd read the rebuttals from the leading vaccine-proponents like Paul Offit or Peter Hotez, they just wouldn't even be in touch with what the opposition was saying. Often there would be major gaps in logic and other errors, but they were dismissive and certain enough in the presentation that nobody would have the confidence to call them out on it.
They seemed to be relying on the perception of authority and the stigma they'd created to intimidate observers out of actually thinking through the relevant issues.
They were hiding something - that much was clear to me.
And there's this idea of 'The Noble Lie' that the anti-vax side will often talk about. The gist is that the pro-vax side knows that there are merits to what the opposition is saying, but believe that they can't allow the public to know. Vaccines are too good, too important to allow debate to happen on the topic.
There's a section from the June 1984 Federal Register that seems to confirm this:
However, although the continued availability of the vaccine may not be in immediate jeopardy, any possible doubts, whether or not well founded*, about the safety of the vaccine cannot be allowed to exist in view of the need to assure that the vaccine will continue to be used to the maximum extent consistent with the nation’s public health objectives.*
And there’s more recent confirmation too -
https://reddit.com/link/1cmg7nz/video/es72g2ay41zc1/player
But here's the problem: they don't actually know the risk-benefit profile. They've never done the needed studies - long term data, true placebo controls, cumulative impact - though they'll lie to you about it.
They seem to just believe that given that there's so great a benefit, and the risk of injury seems so marginal, how could they ever let the program get called into question? How could they potentially let the progress against terrible, vaccine-preventable diseases be reversed?
Their own statements indicate it. This was what they said after they realized that infants were being exposed to levels of mercury far exceeding the federal guidelines:
The recognition that some children could be exposed to a cumulative level of mercury over the first six months of life that exceeds one of the federal guidelines on methyl mercury now requires a weighing of two different types of risks when vaccinating infants. On the one hand, there is the known serious risk of diseases and deaths caused by failure to immunize our infants against vaccine-preventable infectious diseases; on the other, there is the unknown and probably much smaller risk, if any, of neuro-developmental effects posed by exposure to thimerosal. The large risks of not vaccinating children far outweigh the unknown and probably much smaller risk, if any, of cumulative exposure to thimerosal-containing vaccines over the first six months of life.
Joint Statement of The American Academy of Pediatrics and the Public Health Service (FDA & CDC), July 7, 1999
Wanting to maintain public confidence in the program is the most charitable explanation for their deception, and I think it is the main force, though I think there are less charitable explanations that factor in too.
But even good intentions are no guarantee of a positive outcome. And people should expect problems to metastasize in precisely the areas where institutions have insulated themselves from scrutiny.
We’ve seen what happens when our leaders stifle dissent in service of the ‘greater good’:
https://preview.redd.it/sphry75551zc1.png?width=1456&format=png&auto=webp&s=6786f358f2b136c392aab4c4edf4376afb4767fa
But before going into the risks of vaccines, understand that even the purported benefits should be called into question.
There's the widely quoted Guyer study -
The major declines in child mortality that occurred in the first third of the 20th century have been attributable to a combination of improved socioeconomic conditions in this country and the public health strategies to protect the health of Americans. [...] Vaccination, while first used in the 18th century, became more widely implemented in the middle part of the century. Vaccines against diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis became available during the late 1920s but only widely used in routine pediatric practice after World War II. Thus vaccination does not account for the impressive declines in mortality seen in the first half of the century.
The book Dissolving Illusions also goes into this history and how the gains that have been attributed to vaccines have to be scrutinized, and that many of them owe to improvements in sanitation and nutrition.
I won't try to make the full case here, but the thing to understand is that there is systematic pressure to inflate perception of vaccine effectiveness at every turn going back decades and decades, and every single assumption and measurement has to be questioned because you can be damn sure it is not happening within the institutions.
From a study from 2005, before these processes of capture and suppression had achieved complete control and keen observers could still point out what was happening:
https://preview.redd.it/qs5fchm851zc1.png?width=679&format=png&auto=webp&s=ca97d5b548b8269b1a9341809676fc7973aca3ad
And there's more, but that's all you need for a 'how'. Science is a human enterprise, subject to all of the human biases and failings that lead to massive errors in other domains. Groupthink, greed, self-protection, incompetence - public health and medicine are not somehow immune to them. If this was ever in doubt, it became clear to many during the COVID response.
Now as for the risks.
The number of mothers who know that their child was injured by vaccines - perfectly fine before, and then suddenly symptomatic, falling behind on milestones just after a 'wellness' visit - should tell you something.
The billions that have been paid out through the extremely arduous vaccine injury compensation program, which only a small fraction of vaccine injury parents can see through to completion, should tell you something.
The dramatic increases in autism and other neurodevelopmental disorders we've seen over the last few decades, coincident with a dramatic increase in the vaccine schedule), should tell you something.
It's not increased rates of diagnosis, as much as they want you to believe it:
https://preview.redd.it/8f3xfd2e51zc1.png?width=680&format=png&auto=webp&s=661d21d4338650ab7bc16667dab9233e540b71c4
I've always liked this quote -
The thing I have noticed is when the anecdotes and the data disagree, the anecdotes are usually right. There's something wrong with the way you are measuring it.
Jeff Bezos
And it's not exactly crazy to think that injecting, e.g., aluminum and mercury into babies could have some negative health consequences. Given the plausibility of the mechanism, the anecdotes should carry even more weight.
But shouldn't any claims from anecdotes bear out in the data? [4] Yeah, the system should work in theory. But the reality is a different story -
The whistleblower was senior CDC scientist Dr. William Thompson
Slate received so much pushback for publishing this article that they had to publish a letter from the editor defending the decision - I subscribed based on their courage
https://reddit.com/link/1cmg7nz/video/x4ljagtq51zc1/player

Getting to the Truth

I won’t try to make a full case here - there is just too much.
But I’m not hoping to convince you that vaccines are unsafe or ineffective. I just want to give enough for anyone willing to listen to realize there's something going on here; that these agencies need an absolute overhaul, and that there needs to be a full investigation into what's taken place here with accountability for everyone involved.
Experts and institutions aren’t infallible; they need to be pushed back on and scrutinized.
When they are, long held consensus can often change:
This happened only after an arduous fight with the FDA
[1] - RFK Jr discussing vaccine safety with a family physician in his NewsNation town hall (2023)
[2] - JB Handley on The Doctors (2009)
[3] - Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy on Larry King (2009)
[4] - In the rare event a genuine comparison is made, some studies have found rather concerning results - but the findings are ignored and the researchers ridiculed for giving fodder to anti-vaxxers
submitted by -jbrs to RFKJrForPresident [link] [comments]

2024.05.07 18:34 alone_again_07 payapang isipan lang ang hinihingi ko. pt. 01 (very long post), tw: religious trauma, verbal& sexual abuse, suicide, bullying

sa mga ala-alang hindi ko pa rin baon sa limot.

18 years old pa lang ako, pero higit pa sa labing-walo ang mga karanasan ko na hindi ko mabaon-baon sa limot kahit anong gawin ko. gusto ko man tanggapin, pero hindi talaga. kailangan ba na pang habambuhay ko itong bibitbitin? ngayon ko lang ito gagawin; ang gumugol ng oras para lang balikan ang mga ala-alang gusto ko nang kalimutan.

seminaryo

bata pa lang ako, tambay na ako sa simbahan, marahil na rin na ang bahay namin ay katabi lang ng simbahan. si mama ay lector, ang panganay naman namin ay kasali sa isang parish youth ministry, ganoon na rin ang mga pinsan kong aktibo sa simbahan. ang mga tiyahin ko rin na galing sa side ng mama ko ay mga may posisyon sa simbahan. may madre akong tiyahin, may monsignor akong tiyuhin, at may seminarista rin akong pinsan. lumaki ako sa isang relihiyosong pamilya; na tuwing ala-sais ng gabi, uuwi ng bahay galing sa buong mag-hapong paglalaro para lang mag-angelus kasama ang pamilya.
masaya ang kabataan ko noon, hanggang sa ipasok ako ng aking nanay sa seminaryo.
after ng grade 6, napagdesisyunan ng mama ko na ipasok ako sa seminaryo, ginusto ko rin naman nung una, dahil sabi ni mama, maganda raw kung doon ako makakapag-high school, tutuwid ang aking pagiging bakla. dagdag ko na rin yung mga pagkakataong sinasabihan na ako raw ang kauna-unahang magiging pari sa pamilya kung sakali. suporta rin ang mga kamag-anak ko at ang parokya namin.
sa puntong ito, ayokong tinutukso ang kasarian ko at kung paano ako gumalaw. kaya, oo, ginusto ko man, pero may takot pa rin at hindi ko hinangad ng buo na makapasok sa seminaryo. kasi alam kong tutuksuhin at kamumuhian lang ang kasarian ko, sabi kasi ng mama ko saakin, nakasulat raw sa bibliya na mapupunta ako sa impyerno kung ipagpapatuloy ko pa ang kilos ko.
11 years old ako, after elem graduation, namatay ang papa ko. after ng libing, inasikaso na rin agad ng pamilya ko ang lahat ng kakailanganin ko sa seminaryo. ginamit ng ate ko ang 10k na final pay nya pangbili lang ng mga gamit ko sa seminary, si mama naman naghanap ng benefactor ko pang tustos ng fees ko sa seminaryo. kahit may takot akong mahiwalay sakanila, isinantabi ko nalang ang nararamdaman ko kasi alam kong that's the way i can make them proud. inisip ko nalang na mababait ang mga magiging kasama ko sa loob, sa ganoong paraan napa-kalma ko ang sarili ko.

2017-2018

sa loob ng dalawang taon, inakala kong ligtas ako sa loob dahil mga taga-simbahan ang mga nakapaligid sakin. pero hindi pala hahahaha. dalawang taong puno ng impyerno ang naranasan ko, ni tila bang pare-parehas nalang ang nararamdaman ko araw-araw; lungkot, galit, pagtataka. isip-isip ko, "ganto ba talaga dito? akala ko magiging okay ako sa loob, pero bakit parang hindi?"
"ganto ba talaga dito? akala ko magiging okay ako sa loob, pero bakit parang hindi?"
para dumating sa punto na ito, na magtanong ng ganito, nakaranas ako ng mga hindi ko inakala na mangyayari sa buhay ko. 11 years old palang ako. inosente pa lang. at that time, i already blamed myself, na dapat hindi ko dapat nararamdaman ang kwestyunin at pagdudahan ang diyos, kasi sabi nila mali raw. ni tila ba'y isang pagsubok ng demonyo ang pagdudahan ang diyos na kailangan kong iwasan, ang sinabi nilang solusyon? pagtitiwala. pananalig sa diyos.

mid 2017

bago pa ako humantong sa pagdududa at pagtatanong, marami nang nangyari sakin na maraming beses kong pinalagpas.
i was molested two times by my seniors inside my dorm, sexually harassed by our class president infront of my classmates who didn't care about me being harassed kasi they think it's funny, i got almost raped by my senior, my sisters was sexually objectified by the other seminarians and even some of our kitchen staff boys saying they have crush on our sisters then in the middle of them complimenting our sisters appearance, sisingitan nila sexually insinuating questions, asking "nakasabay mo na ba maligo mga ate mo?, gaano kalaki b**bs nila?, pwede ba manligaw sa ate mo?", i was mocked by the bishop during a batch picture taking, i asked for a mano then mocked me by saying "bakla" with an aggresive approach. i got physically and verbally bullied by my own circle, there are times that they'll spit on my face as a joke, humiliated me because of my odor especially when i can't immediately call my family to send me deodorant when i ran out of it, slapped me kasi trip lang nila, pulled my hair once kasi they got jealous of me cuz one of my friends got jealous of me kasi he thinks na nagpapansin ako sa crush which i did not. i was raped by my classmate, inside the dorm and..
the most painful of all, na alam kong dadalhin ko hambambuhay, maliwanag pa sa isipan ko ito.
i got molested inside the confessional by our senior, kasi i thought may ipapahanap lang sya sakin dahil nawawala ang breviary nya sa loob, then he followed inside and locked the door, binusalan ako, binakatan ako constantly and asked me to masturbate him, until i resisted.
"kuya, ayoko po, mali tong ginagawa mo, baka mapalabas tayo"
before i unlocked the door, and ran to the oratory. quietly crying. i remember, while crying and hyperventilating, i repeatedly uttered the words; "lord", "mama", and "ayoko na".
sa loob ng mga buwan na i was struggling to find help, pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari sa akin, it changed me.

2018

the next school year, my mental became worse, i got trust issues, became more secretive, sinarili ko lahat ng nangyayari sa akin, naging matapobre ako, naging people pleaser ako to the point na i always made stories about how rich my family is (which is not, we can't even afford the board and lodging fees, we had to loan para makapagbayad) i bragged the lies to my fake friends so that i can impress them, i tolerated their power-tripping so that i'll feel i belong to them. and while i was being bullied day by day, i also became the bully myself, i lashed it out sa ibang juniors namin.
to think that it was the most crucial year of my childhood, my 11 and 12 years old me. it was the worst.
the thought of i'm inside the place that was considered holy, i realized it was hell. bata lang ako jusko. bakit? is it my punishment because i am gay? masama ba akong anak noon?. that time, i felt the most pain that i can ever feel, i thought tinalikuran na ako ng mundo, i thought disappointed saakin ang papa ko dahil hinayaan ko iyong mangyari. pero hindi. hindi ko ginusto. duwag lang ako. duwag.

December 2018.

weeks before the christmas party, one of our formators announced something after our breakfast. he said, "mga brothers, may mga nakarating sa aking mga balita. there are some seminarians who committed something that can expel themselves. i'll be giving a whole day to come to my office, so that we can talk about it. wag kayo matakot, we can work it out. please be honest."
after i heard what our formator said, napanatag ako. until it was not. weeks after that, during our christmas party, i was summoned by our formator. one of our beadle whispered to me "pinapatawag ka ni fr. sa office, kakausapin ka raw." i felt relieved but at the same time, nervous. i don't know why. i just know that i did not do something wrong.
kinamusta nya ako nung una, i was confused at that time kasi nagtataka ako kung bakit ang hina ng boses nya. until he asked kung may gusto raw ba akong sabihin. deep inside, marami akong gustong sabihin, pero i was really scared, kaya ang sinabi ko wala. then sinabi nya, kung wala raw ba talaga akong gustong sabihin, kasi meron daw sya nalalaman tungkol saakin. after he said that, my heart was pounding so fast, cuz i just heard some informations from him na may nag confess daw sakanya na mga seminarians na i was the one who insisted doing it. i was holding back my tears, and my voice got shaky kasi i was really overwhelmed sa lahat ng informations na nalaman ko. he was sharing all that infos to me, na para bang ineenumerate nya lahat. IT WAS ALL LIES. he constantly questioned me, it feels like i am a criminal being interrogated. nauutal akong sumagot dahil naba-blanko ako. natatandaan ko, i am saying my truth and pinagtatanggol ko ang sarili ko, proving na hindi ko magagawa iyon. at ang pinaka-tumatak na tanong nya sa akin, "bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?", i did not answered back. di ko alam sasabihin ko.
but the most wrong and coward thing that i did is, hindi ko sinabi lahat ng alam ko. kasi ayaw ko madamay yung iba kong "friends" sa issue kasi ayokong magalit sila saakin, ganyan ako ka-gullible dati. I SUGARCOATED MY STATEMENT. ang sarap tuktukan ng aking 12 years old self at sabihang wag akong duwag. sa madaling salita, i did not spoke the entire truth cuz i was scared for myself, putangina. ginawa ko namang sacrificial lamb sarili ko. punyeta.
it was one hour that i can't forget. i was interrogated just once. emotionally unprepared. and yun na yon.
during xmas break, ine-expect ko na talaga na hindi na ako makakabalik pa for another semester, kasi feel ko i might get expelled. cuz, i know myself na i did not did my best to protect myself. and for sure nag come up na sila ng decision. until the office called me to announce the results with my mom and my ate, the priests repeatedly asking me, "aminin mo na, wag ka matakot. andito lang ang mga parents mo para sayo". and i keep on resisting their allegations, crying and shaking my head left and right. "hindi nga po ma, totoo ang sinasabi ko"
and after all that, it was the last time i saw the seminary, they did not believe me. they filed a case against me and it was "sexual lavisciousness". pag-uwi, the whole thing sunked on me, i got depressed and suicidal. i need to find schools that can accept me. years after that, i became worst. i rebeled against my family. i forced myself to serve in the church because my family wants me to, kahit naman ayoko na. some churchworkers knew my case, and i was ashamed of it. i talked shit about our fellow churchworkers kasi i think it's cool. i became an atheist, pero pumupunta parin akong simbahan dahil yun lang natitirang mapupuntahan ko aside from bahay, para lang makipag-barkadahan, dahil i did not have any real permanent friends with me after a long period of time. i shared and posted non-sense and offensive posts on fb as my coping mechanism. I DIDN'T GOT TO FEEL WHAT THE GENUINE JOY OF BEING A TEEN IS.
ngayon, 18 na ako. and to be honest, super overwhelmed ako. nasa age na ako of responsibility, and i pity myself na hindi ko man lang na-enjoy ang pre-teen days ko, yung tipong carefree at happy ka lang ganon. i never felt so happy. never.
kamusta naman ako ngayon, ayun, i am trying to change my belief into buddhism, pero tsaka na kapag nakapag sarili na ako. kung kailan malaya na ako. kung kailan napatawad ko na ang sarili ko, ang panganay na ate ko lang ang una kong sinabihan ng balak kong lumipat, pero she wasn't happy 'bout it. pero okay lang. i understand. okay naman kaming magkakapatid, nagmamahalan. even tho, medyo homophobes sila especially ang panganay, mama at ang kuya ko hahahaha. i understand. pero i am hopeful na dadating yung panahon na payapa na isipan ko at ng mga kapatid ko. kasi yun lang naman ang hinihingi ko.
ang masakit lang, hindi iyon maibigay ng nanay ko. simula dati pa. hindi ko matanggap.
next pt.2
---this is based on my sole experiences, this is not intended to defame or to slander the church.\_)
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