Update post: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/comments/hv4wc1/update_my_boyfriend_said_that_i_was_embarrassing/fyt0y1e/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
We have been in a relationship for 1 year and we had a baby boy last week. I had a natural birth and my bf was there throughout the whole process. I screamed A LOT and each time I did he whispered something like "can you stop screaming, you're really embarrassing me". I also threw up a few times and I saw him cover his face in shame. When I held the midwife's hand for comfort he whispered "let go of her, stop being so embarrassing". He also said that my birthing position was embarrassing and called me a few vulgar names.
I'm really upset about his behaviour that day, especially when it was when I needed his support the most. When I try to talk to him about it he denies ever saying it and that I'm being silly...
Edit: I know that there are a lot of comments but I am reading them all, and I just want to thank everybody for the advice and support so far. :) I spoke to my mum about this but she is the very traditional type and although she said his behaviour is wrong, I should try couple counselling first. I really don't think he is going to listen to me when I suggest getting help but I'll try. I am also going to talk to my public health nurse.
Edit 2: Thank you so much to everybody who commented and dmed me with words of support and those who have also been in similar situations. I have since tried to discuss the option of couple counselling to him but to no avail, which didn't surprise me. My mum has agreed to let me stay there until I can find a new place for myself and baby. I haven't said anything to him yet, I've been advised not to so I am still planning out how I am going to take the next step.

There has been numerous speculations as to who Red X is in the current comics, since he's now been added to the mainstream DC canon. The current Red X is someone who claimed that he had gotten screwed over by Nightwing, who was still Robin at the time. Nightwing himself had born the mantle, just like in the Teen Titans cartoon, and had it stolen by the mystery man.
But this isn't about the current identity of the mysterious Red X. Rather, this is about who will obtain the mantle within the near or distant future. And there have been debates as to who should be the future Red X.
Let's first talk about who shouldn't be Red X. And those being Jason Todd/Red Hood and the Azraels, Jean-Paul Valley and Michael Washington Lane. While it's been a theory as well as a joke/meme, Jason being Red X could work in the cartoon, but not in the mainstream comics. He essentially fulfills the role in his Red Hood guise. Valley does the same thing as Azrael. And while Lane is not Azrael currently, I can see him assume another different mantle such as the Bat-Cop, Bat-Ghost or Bat-Devil, as he was once called.

• Bao Pham/Clownhunter: Let's start out with the obvious choice first. It has been highly suspected that Bao will eventually ditch the name of Clownhunter for the Red X guise. For one thing, they have the same color scheme, has an X on his head and on his current costume. He definitely seems to be getting a great deal of focus with Ghost-Maker initially wanting to kill him and then willing to train him. While I have come to like his character, he seems to be far too new to obtain the mantle. He's definitely gonna need some much needed training, especially with hints that Jason himself might do it on a later time.
• Damian Wayne/Robin: This actually seems to make sense for Damian. Much like Jason, Damian tends to teeter between good and evil, due to his training in the League of Assassins. It's always been difficult for him to tone down his more brutal and violent nature. He's become a skilled Robin, and as he's mentioned and proven true, he's leagues ahead of his predecessors during his time as Robin. He has seen being Robin and Batman as something of a birthright. So, to me at least, it would make sense for him to take up an identity that he could make his own. I've heard some people say that Red X is akin to a dark and edgy Robin. And while to me, that doesn't make sense, Damian certainly has edge to do so.
• Tim Drake/Red Robin: As many have mentioned before, Tim is need of a new identity. His identity as Drake was inspired, but sorely lacking in terms of the suit and its name hailing from his own surname. While his evil counterpart said it’s the most dangerous bird, it’s not that intimidating of a name; as a drake in terms of ornithology (study of birds) is a male duck. Since then, he's gone back to using the Red Robin/Robin mantle.

The Red Robin costume in itself really looks like a halfway point between a Batman and a Robin costume, which is what Tim sort of is due to not wanting to be close to his evil counterpart, The Savior, and not wanting to be Batman. It represents in a way a Adult Robin and a more Batman-like Robin.
Tim would need another costume and mantle that does something similar but signifying that he's coming into his own. He would have a great understanding of how to 'act' in the role after so many years of watching Bruce do his thing as well. Him using the Red X identity could signify that. An identity where he's still himself but embodies the best qualities of Bruce/Batman.

• Astrid Arkham(?): I'll admit it first, this sounds stupid. There was a theory floating around about her being Red X in the Future State storyline. And to my knowledge, she's now dead and revived as a zombie to work in the Zombie Suicide Squad. But while she's had a pretty great debut as a villain, she could become a reluctant ally of sorts. It's just a general idea and to have a member of the Arkham familial line not be so batshit crazy.

So, what's your opinion? Who could and should be Red X in the near or distant future? Tim? Damian? Bao? Jace Fox? Someone else entirely? Please, comment respectfully.

Barred From Each Other: Why Normative Husbands Remain Married to Incarcerated Wives—An Exploratory Study – page 1
Tomer Einat1, Inbal Harel-Aviram1, and
Sharon Rabinovitz2
Abstract
This study explores men’s motivation and justification to remain married to their criminal, imprisoned wives. Using semistructured interviews and content-analysis, data were collected and analyzed from eight men who maintain stable marriage relationships with their incarcerated wives. Participants are normative men who describe incarceration as a challenge that enhances mutual responsibility and commitment. They exaggerate the extent to which their partners resemble archetypal romantic ideals. They use motivational accounts to explain the woman’s criminal conduct, which is perceived as nonrelevant to her real identity. Physical separation and lack of physical intimacy are perceived as the major difficulties in maintaining their marriage relations. Length of imprisonment and marriage was found to be related to the decision whether to continue or terminate the relationships. Women-inmates’ partners experience difficulties and use coping strategies very similar to those cited by other normative spouses facing lengthy separation.
Keywords
marriage, female inmates, normative spouses, incarceration, romantic accounts
Introduction
One of the most significant “pains of imprisonment” for female inmates is the separation from their husbands (Farkas & Rand, 1999; Severance, 2005a, 2005b). This disconcerting and frustrating deprivation often negatively affects women’s ability to function as wives while in prison and after release (Dodge & Pogrebin, 2001; Pollock-Byrne, 1990). When a man is imprisoned, the marriage usually remains intact (Dodge & Pogrebin, 2001; Shapiro, 2003; Travis, McBride, & Solomon, 2003), whereas women’s incarceration often results in their abandonment by their partners and termination of their marriage (the term marriage in this study relates to formally wedded couples and common-law couples; Hairston, 1991; Sergin & Flora, 2005).
The abandonment of women prisoners by their spouses has been recognized by researchers and practitioners as a noteworthy component of women-inmates’ subculture (Dodge & Pogrebin, 2001) and a significant factor of their rehabilitation and reentry into society (Visher & Travis, 2003). However, relatively few studies have addressed this topic in depth (Dodge & Pogrebin, 2001; MacKenzie, Robinson, & Campbell, 1995; Sobel, 1982). Furthermore, close examination reveals that prisoners’ marital relationships were addressed mainly from the inmates’ point of view (Girshick, 1996; Hairston & Addams, 2001) and focused, almost exclusively, on male inmates (Accordino & Guerney, 1998; Fishman, 1988; Girshick, 1992). In other words, the study of marital relationships between inmates and their spouses’ neglected women inmates, and the few studies examining female inmates overlooked 50% of the individuals involved in these relationships and possibly affected by them—the husbands.
Thus, in the preliminary research for this paper, we could not find a single empirical study that had focused on the rationale behind men’s decision to terminate or maintain their marital relations with incarcerated wives nor on the impact of such a decision on their emotional and behavioral state. The aim of this exploratory study is to fill this literature lacuna and explore the motivations and justification of men to remain married to their criminal wives imprisoned in Neve Tirza prison—the sole prison facility for women in Israel. By examining these topics, the current study seeks to identify and analyze the significance of marital relationships to women-inmates’ spouses and to describe the dynamics of marital relationships between men and incarcerated spouses, both from men’s perspective, a step that previous research has not taken before.
The following sections will provide information about Neve Tirza prison as well as cover topics relating to marital stability among inmates and offender reentry, drawing on the criminological and correctional literatures.
The Neve Tirza Prison
Neve Tirza prison is the sole women’s prison in Israel. The facility is located in the Central District of Israel, next to the city of Ramla in the Tel Aviv Metropolitan Area, the largest metropolitan in Israel. The prison houses 225 criminal (as opposed to security) inmates at full capacity. Yet, at the time of the research, it housed no more than 180 prisoners. Fifty-two percent of the inmates have been previously jailed, and the average incarceration period is 2.7 years (SD = 2.70). Approximately, 58% of the prison population are incarcerated for drug-related crimes (substance abuse, drug dealing, and possession), 16% are incarcerated for violent crimes, 16% for bodily crimes, 45% for fiscal crimes, and 13% for other offences (Einat & Chen, 2012).1
The ethnic ratio of the prison population is 62% Jews and 36% Arabs, who are Israeli nationals, and 2% foreigners. The marital status of the inmates is 63% single (n = 113), 32% (n = 58) divorced, and 5% (n = 9) married (Einat & Chen, 2012)— comparable, albeit not identical, to U.S. and U.K. prisons. In U.S. prisons, 85% of all women in local jails (4% widowed, 13% separated, 20% divorced, 48% never married), 83% in state prisons (6% widowed, 10% separated, 20% divorced, 47% never married), and 71% in federal prisons (6% widowed, 21% separated, 10% divorced, 34% never married) are not married (Greenfeld, & Snell, 2000). In U.K. prisons, 24% of women-inmates are married or lived together with a spouse prior to their imprisonment, 63% are single, and 12% are either widowed, divorced, or separated (Hamlin & Lewis, 2000).
In Israel, 85% of the women-inmates are eligible for a monthly 30-min family visit and a 24/48-hr furlough. Fifteen percent of the prisoners, who are ineligible for home furloughs, are entitled to a monthly, 12-hr conjugal visit (Ben Avraham, 2012). Such furlough/visitation policy differs significantly from other parallel policies in Western and non-Western correctional facilities (for a comprehensive review, see Einat & Rabinovitz, 2013).
Incarceration, Marital Stability, and Inmates’ Reentry
Incarceration prevents meaningful interaction and limits physical and emotional connections among spouses (Booth, Johnson, White, & Edwards, 1984; Sergin & Flora, 2005), and often changes individuals in ways that make them incompatible with their partners (Comfort, 2008; Nurse, 2002; Rindfuss & Stephen, 1990). Physically separated spouses experience deficits of emotional interaction (Hill, 1988), which increases the number of disagreements and lowers marital satisfaction (Booth et al., 1984). In addition, these physical and mental processes negatively affect the emotional status of the inmates inside the prison (Faith, 1993; Jiang & Winfree, 2006; Thompson & Loper, 2005) and harm the likelihood of their successful rehabilitation and reentry into society after release (Gunnison & Helfgott, 2013; Horney, Osgood, & Marshall, 1995; Laub, Nagin, & Sampson, 1998; Vaillant, 1995; Ward, 2001). Ironically, and irrespective of the negative impact of incarceration and separation from spouse on marital stability (Massoglia, Remster, & King, 2011) and of imprisonment and marital dissolution on prisoner reentry (Laub & Sampson, 2001), several enforcement systems raise various barriers that prevent partners (and families) from remaining in contact while a spouse is behind bars. For example, in the United States, more than 60% of state and 80% of federal inmates are imprisoned in facilities located more than 100 miles from home (Mumola, 2000). Wives (as well as other family members) may lack the time and means to travel these long distances with children on a regular basis (Christian, 2005; Christian, Mellow, & Thomas, 2006). Consequently, 57% of male state-prison inmates in the United States had never had a personal visit with their children since their admission to prison and only a quarter of male inmates with families reported weekly contact by phone or postal mail with loved ones (Mumola, 2000). Pelka Slugocka and Slugocki (1980) qualitatively analyzed female inmates’ viewpoints regarding the relationship between incarceration and marital stability. Most of their research participants (86.3%, n = 282) maintained that imprisonment was the sole reason for the destruction of their marriage, whereas 13.7% (n = 45) asserted that it was the combination of husbands’ personalities and their imprisonment. Moreover, the research revealed that the divorce generated feelings of despair and frustration among the female inmates, and harmed their rehabilitation and successful reentry into society.
Hairston’s (1991) review concluded that the stress and strain that male imprisonment imposes on family ties are due, mainly, to denial of sexual relations and inability to engage in and share day-to-day interactions and experiences. As time passes, the spouse at home visits the prisoner less frequently and many marriages fail. Similarly, Kiser (1991) found that most male prisoners perceived their separation from their families—alongside the realization that they themselves had brought undeserved hardship to their families—as the most difficult aspect of doing time. Therefore, encouraging inmates and families to maintain relationships would benefit most inmates, their families, and the prisons.
Bobbitt and Nelson (2004) portrayed the positive aspects of various family involvement programs (i.e., La Bodega de la Familia and the Greenlight Family Reintegration Program) on drug abuse, recidivism rates, family strength, avoidance of illegal activity, possession of jobs, and obtainment of stable housing. The researchers’ main conclusion was that families can be a powerful material and emotional force for positive change for members making the difficult transition from institutional life back to the community . . . and can significantly assist probation and parole officers in their quest to successfully reenter ex-criminals and ex-prisoners to the community. (Bobbitt & Nelson, 2004, p. 8) In support of that conclusion, Horney et al. (1995) found that living with a normative wife limited significantly convicted felons’ involvement in illegal behavior after release from prison.
The importance of marriage to recidivism rates and reentry was discussed in several cornerstone criminal theories. Hirschi’s (1969) social control theory assumes that individuals are prevented from engaging in delinquency by four social bonds: involvement, attachment, commitment, and belief. When these bonds are weak, and the appropriate motivations rise, individuals are more likely to engage in delinquency.
Individuals with high affection and respect (attachment) are less likely to engage in delinquency because they do not want to harm the approval of people they care about. In their age-graded theory of informal social control, Laub and Sampson (1993) emphasize the importance of quality and strength of current social ties (such as strong bonds of attachment to a partner) in adapting to life transitions more than the occurrence or timing of discrete life events. Hence, marriage by itself may not increase social control, but close emotional ties and mutual investment increase the social bond between individuals and can decrease criminal behavior. Although this issue has been a source of controversy (e.g., Gottfredson & Hirschi, 1990), Farrington and West (1995) also concluded that a stable marriage was nevertheless related to adult social conformity, even in adults who were identified at high-risk as children. Whereas these theories emphasize emotional ties and support, the cognitive transformation theory focuses on the conscious transformation of one’s identity in the process of desistance from crime (Giordano, Cernkovich, & Rudolph, 2002). Thus, through associations
with a spouse who sees them as noncriminals, inmates are exposed to and receive reinforcement for socially approved attitudes and behaviors (Agnew, 2005) and are likely to receive support for not only avoiding illegal behavior but also developing normative self-perceptions.
In summary, identification of various problems faced by men married to incarcerated spouses with regard to the preservation of marital relationships may significantly promote the understanding of the impact of incarceration on marital continuation/dissolution and assist in developing effective policies directed at their maintenance. Such policies appear to be highly important due to the existence of a (correlative or casual) link between continuation of stable romantic relations among normative men and incarcerated spouses, reduction of the negative effects of various “pains of imprisonment” (Faith, 1993; Jiang & Winfree, 2006; Thompson & Loper, 2005), and inmates’ successful reentry and desistance from crime after release (Horney et al., 1995; Ward, 2001)
Method
Research Tool
We used a flexible research design (Briggs, 1986). This methodology enables access to unpredicted subject matter and helps examine it from the perspective of the research sample (Silverman, 1993). Flexible design enabled us to incorporate unexpected contents, accommodating data as they emerged, thereby enhancing the quality and authenticity of the findings (Stake, 1995). The qualitative semistructured interview, based on guidelines that ensure that all interviewees are subject to similar stimuli and create a common basis for data analysis (Maruna, 2001), was found most appropriate for this study. To ensure reliability, all interviews were conducted by the researchers only.
While the semistructured interview maintains a subjective framework, it enables the interviewer and the interviewee to correct misunderstandings or vagueness during the course of the interview (Rubin & Rubin, 1995). This flexibility contributes to the quality and credibility of the interview (Briggs, 1986; Suchman & Jordan, 1990).
Each interview began with a similar open-ended broad question: “Could you please tell us about your romantic relationship with your spouse prior to her incarceration?” Only after the interviewees had answered the question, did we initiate a series of questions on the main difficulties of maintaining romantic relationships with an incarcerated spouse and the strategies used to do so: “How would you define your current romantic relationships with your spouse?” “How do you maintain romantic relationships with your incarcerated spouse?” “Does your spouse’s conviction and incarceration affect your mutual romantic relations?” “What are/were the main romantic crises you experience/d with her and how do/did you deal with them?” “What is your main motivation for maintaining marital relationships with your spouse; do you experience moments where you want to end your marriage?” “Do you experience any regrets as regards to your decision to maintain marital relationships with your spouse?”
Participants
Out of 180 prisoners incarcerated in the single Israeli female incarceration facility, Neve Tirza Prison, only 9 (5%, of whom 8%-4.4% agreed to take part in the study) maintained stable romantic relationships longer than 3 years. One male partner declined to participate in the study after being informed by his incarcerated spouse about the purpose of the study and its procedures, resulting in a final sample size of eight men and a response rate of 88.9%. Thus, the research sample includes almost all partners of female inmates who maintained stable romantic relationships for 3 years and more in Israel.
The participants were eight husbands—six were married to prisoners and two kept stable, romantic—although nonmarital—relations with their imprisoned spouses for more than 3 years (years of relationships range—3.5-35; M = 17.06, SD = 10.14, median = 17.5). Hence, the latter were acknowledged by the Israeli Prison Service (IPS) and by the Israeli ruling as common-law husbands (Israel Prison Service, 2012). Six of the eight couples had mutual children (compared with 61% of the prison population; Einat & Chen, 2012).
The ethnic distribution of the research sample (as well as the participants’ incarcerated spouses) was 75% (n = 6) Jews and 25% (n = 2) Muslim-Arab, all of whom were Israeli citizens. This ratio resembles the ethnic distribution of the general Israeli female inmates’ population (62% Jews; 36% Arabs; Einat & Chen, 2012). Participants had a mean of 9.6 years of education (SD = 1.4); the mean age of the participants is 48.9 (SD = 9.0). The distribution of the socioeconomic status of the research participants—as perceived and described by them—is high (37.5%; n = 3), moderate (12.5%; n = 1), and poor (50%; n = 4). Eighty-seven percent (n = 7) of the participants had no criminal record and 12.5% (n = 1) have been jailed. All participants were legally employed and maintained secured normative housekeeping. The women whose husbands we interviewed have been incarcerated for 21.8 months (M; SD = 9.42, compared with 27 months in the general prison population) and convicted to serve 41.4 months (M; SD = 43.1, compared with 31 of the prison population; Ibid). Twenty-five percent of the women have been previously jailed (compared with 52% of the prison population; Ibid), and 25% were drug abusers (as opposed to 65% drug abusing inmates out of Neve Tirza Prison’s general population). Hence the women whose husbands participated in this study differ substantially from the general female inmate population.
Content analysis revealed five major themes about marital relationships between normative men and their incarcerated wives: (a) perceptions of marital relations with incarcerated wife, (b) perceptions of wife’s criminal conduct, (c) difficulties in marital relationships with incarcerated wife, (d) preconditions for the continuation of marital relationships between normative men and incarcerated wives, (e) ways of preserving the marital relationships with incarcerated wives.
Perceptions of Marital Relations With Incarcerated Wives
Commitment and motivation. Research has repeatedly shown that commitment and motivation are the basis for a good and stable marriage, one which successfully tackles situations of crisis (Hawkins, Carroll, Doherty, & Wiloughby, 2004; Mace, 1982; Sabatelli & Cecil-Pigo, 1985). Commitment and motivation, which reflect the mutual responsibility of the couple to the preservation of their marriage (Clements & Swensen, 2000), are also identified as the best predictors of the quality of such relationships (Sabatelli & Cecil-Pigo, 1985; Surra, Arizzi, & Asmussen, 1988). Similarly, the findings of the present study indicate that the incarceration of their partners led the participants to recognize their obligation to the women and to their marital relations:
All in all, it [the wife’s imprisonment] connected us together as a couple and united our family. That’s the way we behave in our family—when there’s a problem we become united. (I., a 47-year-old Muslim husband, married to an inmate sentenced to 14 months)
During the incarceration, I felt as if I become a part of her, as if we became one. During this time, our romantic relationships grew stronger and stronger. We went through hell and it made us stronger. It intensified our love. (D., a 34-year-old Jewish common-law husband, romantically-related to a prisoner sentenced to a period of 3.1 years)
We overcame all our problems together, and we will overcome all obstacles, including the incarceration, together. It [the imprisonment] even made our romantic relationships grow stronger, made us show how committed we are to each other. (C., a 37-year-old Muslim husband, married to an inmate sentenced to 1.5 years prison.
Nonetheless, and somewhat in contrast to these statements, our findings also suggest that the imprisonment of female spouses generated major dyadic crisis, which, at least temporarily, destabilized the romantic relations. Specifically, all participants noted that the incarceration raised frustration, tension, and lack of trust, which led them to consider and reconsider their motivation to preserve the marital relationship:
There was a lot of tension and pressure the moment they arrested her. We had lots of
arguments, did a lot of shouting and cursing. (T., a 52-year-old Jewish husband, married to an ex-addict sentenced to prison for 14 months)
I love her very much and can’t deny it. But her arrest caused a lot of chaos between us, a lot of stress and arguments. I even remember a moment where I wanted to hit her. (A., a 43-year-old Jewish husband, married to an inmate sentenced to a period of 22 years).
I. expressed a similar viewpoint:
I was quiet disappointed and I stopped trusting her. The fact that she did not share her behavior with me was more disappointing than the acts themselves. I can’t say that she betrayed me . . . after all she did it for the sake of both of us so it’s not a matter of unfaithfulness. But she didn’t tell me right at the beginning, and this is a shame.
Love. Love is one of the most significant elements in the preservation of and long-lasting marital relationships (Mackey & O’Brien, 1995; Sharlin, 1996) and is attributed greatly to successfully dealing with short- or long-term romantic crises. Love is also a meaningful element in partners’ mutual acceptance and support (Meeks, Hendrick, & Hendrick, 1998; Sokolski & Hendrick, 1999). In accordance, the findings of this study reveal that the participants perceive love as a noteworthy character of their marriage and an important factor in their decision to preserve marriage relationships:

Barred From Each Other: Why Normative Husbands Remain Married to Incarcerated Wives—An Exploratory Study – page 3
The participants use several cognitive and emotional devices to help them overcome the double difficulty of explaining and coming to terms with their wives’ criminal acts, and thereby maintaining their marriage. The first device is the rose-colored prism through which the men were able to see their wives as they did when the romance was young. Through this prism, the men refracted and embellished their partners’ characteristics, describing them as archetypal ideals. This finding reveals that the criminal act and the incarceration promoted positive bias typically seen in early stages of intense romantic love (Murray, Holmes, & Griffin, 1996a, 1996b), although the couples had been in very long and stable relationships (M = 17.1 years). The men perceived their partners as unique and exceptional, prototypes of femme fatale, and described the relations with them in flattering and admiring terms. Romantic love is often driven by strong emotions and wishful thinking—as “painted blind,” to use Shakespeare’s phrase (Fletcher & Kerr, 2010). After “talking the talk” of the early, romantic falling-in-love part of the relationship, “walking the walk”—maintaining a long-term and enduring commitments—seems to be powered by strong biologically based attachment emotions (Maner, Rouby, & Gonzaga, 2008). The device used by the participants, the glorification of their partners, reverts to patterns of the time of first love and courtship, not typical of long-tern relationships. Our findings reveal that in times of extreme crisis, this “chivalrous” behavior reappears, even after many years of marriage.
A second device for maintaining romantic relationships with incarcerated spouses is expressing high commitment and devotion. The need for close romantic relationships appears to be exacerbated by confrontations with the fragility of life (Von Fremd, 2006). Incarceration might be perceived as life threatening, as it imposes multiple mental and physical threats to the self (Goffman, 1961). Studies drawing on the terror management theory (Solomon, Greenberg, & Pyszczynski, 1991) indicate that reminders of death increase people’s sense of love and closeness to their romantic partners (Mikulincer, Florian, & Hirschberger, 2003), commitment (i.e., dedication, devotion), desire for intimacy, and love for a romantic partner (Adams & Jones, 1997; Florian, Mikulincer, & Hirschberger, 2002).
A third and final mechanism used by participants to maintain their marital relationships with their incarcerated spouses is to explain their wives’ criminal acts by motivational accounts (Scott & Lyman, 1968; Sykes & Matza, 1957). Normative men describe their wives’ crimes in ways that allow them to minimize guilt, maintain a positive self- and partner-image, and deflect potential stigma. Thus, normative men’s narratives regarding spouses’ crimes are similar to offender narratives that may be best understood as social constructions of the criminal event and of their own social and self-identities, instead of fact-based records of what really happened (Bruner, 2003; McAdams, 1985). Although condemning their spouses’ illicit behavior, participants used rhetorical and linguistic constructions that made the partners’ indiscretions seem inoffensive, reasonable, routine, and sometimes even acceptable. By referring to various excuses and justifications and by using neutralization techniques, participants attempted to construct identities of spouses as being decent, respectable women regardless of their actions. Interestingly, these accounts often drew on themes that described their spouses’ actions as consistent with gender expectations and thus emphasized their spouses’ femininity. Similar to the justifications used by the men in the current study, female offenders cited in other studies used defense of necessity, denial of responsibility, and appeal to higher loyalties at much higher frequency than male offenders. The women claimed that their actions were borne out of necessity, caused by forces beyond their control or to care for, support, or prevent suffering from family and friends, attesting to the fact that gender constrains the way individuals describe their own crimes (Klenowski, Copes, & Mullins, 2011).
Participants view their partners’ criminal acts as not related to their “real character.” Maruna (2001) argued that to enable released prisoners to make the transition to the community and adjust to life outside of prison, they are required to consciously reformulate their identities. He observed that those who desisted from crime tended to describe redemption narratives in which they viewed their “real selves” as noncriminals and their previous criminal behaviors as the result of mistakes, bad choices, and negative influences. They separated and differentiated themselves from their previous mistakes, crafted a moral tale from their experiences, and expressed a desire to use their experiences to help others (Bahr, Harris, Fisher, & Armstrong, 2010). The cognitive transformation theory focuses on the conscious transformation of one’s identity in the process of desistance from crime (Giordano et al., 2002). Thus, through associations with a spouse who sees them as noncriminals, inmates are exposed to and receive reinforcement for particular attitudes and behaviors (Agnew, 2005), and are likely to receive support for not only avoiding illegal behavior but also developing normative self-perceptions.
Increasingly, studies are considering the consequences of incarceration for family life, almost always documenting negative consequences. Incarceration often involves sharply diminished socioeconomic resources, both during and after a sentence (Geller, Garfinkel, & Western, 2011; Swisher & Waller, 2008). Incarceration also involves considerable stigma (Braman, 2004). Inmates’ spouses also suffer from emotional and adjustment problems (Hagan & Dinovitzer, 1999), reduction in spousal involvement with their children, change in family roles, increased household responsibility, and increased burnout and depression (Comfort, 2007, 2008; Nurse, 2002; Swisher & Waller, 2008; Turney & Wildeman, 2012). These difficulties were found in qualitative as well as quantitative studies based on male inmates and female spouses. None of these difficulties were mentioned by the current research participants, who referred to physical separation and lack of physical intimacy {despite conjugal visits and home furloughs] as the major difficulty in maintaining the romantic relationship with incarcerated female spouses. All other inconveniences and difficulties, characterizing marital relationships in crisis (Huston et al., 2001), or relationships between female spouses of incarcerated males, appear to be irrelevant to the interviewees.
The participants of the current study emphasize the importance of physical contact with the inmates, both explicitly and indirectly, when referring to prerequisites to the continuation of the relationships (the duration of the separation) and to ways of preserving the relationships. Out of the three means of maintaining contact available to the normative men and their incarcerated spouses (i.e., visits, letters, and phone calls; see also Boswell & Wedge, 2002; Chui, 2010), the participants adhere to a routine of frequent phone calls and visits, which provides interaction opportunities (Hill, 1988), involvement, and information exchange that enable a gradual accommodation to subtle changes in both partners—inside and outside the prison.
Finally, our findings indicate that in some respects, inmates’ partners experience difficulties and use coping strategies very similar to those cited by spouses facing lengthy separation due to military deployment or life-threatening illness. Identifying commonalities between the problems faced by inmates’ spouses and those faced by normative individuals in other social situations might prove fruitful for understanding the impact of ongoing incarceration on marital dissolution and also for developing effective policies directed at reintegration. Almost 40% of marriages of incarcerated males dissolve after the incarceration period ended, suggesting that an individual’s release from prison and reintroduction to home life produces additional stressors that are detrimental to a marriage (Massoglia et al., 2011). In this line of reasoning, one should acknowledge that reentry is not an event but a process (Maruna & Toch, 2005). Many released prisoners (as well as probationers and parolees) experience various setbacks—such as difficulty in obtaining employment, acquiring housing (Delgado, 2012; Rodriguez & Brown, 2003), stigmatization (Tewksbury, 2005), substance abuse and mental health problems (Petersilia, 2003), and loss of social standings in their communities (Gunnison & Helfgott, 2013)—during the process and may violate parole. For example, 67.5% of ex-prisoners, 43% of felony probationers, and 62% of parolees in the United States were rearrested within 3 years (Beck & Shipley, 1989; Gunnison & Helfgott, 2013; Langan & Cunniff, 1992; Langan & Levin, 2002). Consequently, many researchers and correctional administrators embraced the concept that offender reentry could (and should) be promoted by appropriate support and treatment (Bahr et al., 2010; La Vigne, Visher, & Castro, 2004).
One factor that could contribute to successful adaptation to normative life and reentry is stable marital and familial relations (Kurlychek & Kempinen, 2006). In line with the social control theory, informal monitoring by a spouse and, more significantly, maintenance of cohesive marriage have a preventive effect on crime and assist individuals in desisting from drug use and other delinquent behaviors (Laub et al., 1998; Laub & Sampson, 2001; Vaillant, 1995). The current study provides a preliminary look at the experiences of men who share long and stable romantic relationships with incarcerated women. They report using coping strategies and describe major difficulties and preconditions, all of which allow a unique insight into spouses’ perceptions and motivations to preserve these relationships. Such insights may point to future research direction as well as serve to develop effective policies directed at maintaining stable, long-term romantic relationships with female inmates and, possibly, reducing their chance of recommitting crimes and enhancing successful rehabilitation
Policy Implications
The results of the study reveal that all normative men married to incarcerated spouses suffer from similar difficulties in their effort to preserve marital relationships. Although it could be hypothesized that as a group, these men differ significantly from most of their peers who abandoned their spouses after their imprisonment, the nature of the difficulties represents a challenge to correctional, criminal justice, and social-welfare practitioners and administrators. Therefore, to address the problems and the unique needs of this particular group, and to improve and develop services within and outside the prison service system, we can suggest several recommendations. The first is to reconsider visitation policy. Normative men and their incarcerated spouses, ineligible for home furloughs, should be warranted more conjugal visits. Simultaneously, imprisoned married women, eligible for home leaves, should be entitled to longer and more frequent furloughs. Such visitation/furlough policy would assist in providing relatively stable and reasonable marital relations. Second, this study emphasizes the need to bring marital health to the forefront; a psycho-educational component could be incorporated into the regularly scheduled rehabilitation programs in prison. Couples consisting of normative men and imprisoned women should receive intensive dyadic and familial support. Such assistance and therapy appear to be particularly relevant in cases where the women are incarcerated for long prison terms, when the length of marriage prior to incarceration is relatively short, and in the early stages of imprisonment—when the men are most likely to terminate the marital relations. With enough studies of this nature, policies may eventually be formed that mandate marital therapy training for counselors in prisons and easier access to marital strength initiatives for inmates and spouses on all prisons and within the community as well.

Barred From Each Other: Why Normative Husbands Remain Married to Incarcerated Wives—An Exploratory Study – page 4
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Let's start with university, the first red flag: students have to take a loan, they literally pay to go work for free but are not allowed to practise on basic clinical skills and the quality of studies is below 0... all they leave university with is a 50k debt pending on their head over a job with a starting salary of 28k (barely above minimum wage) with no much increase even after 25 years. Yeah, the progression... for other healthcare professional it comes very quickly but for us it's just a word starting with P. Nowdays making a career is impossible, the interviews are like a comic sketch and I've seen people with asbolutely no nursing skills being given higher position on the basis of nationality (I kid you not) and being friends with the right people. And y'all wanna talk about management? Sorry (not sorry), the majority gets paid an exaggerate amount of money to sit in the office and walk around the hallways. They are completely divorced from reality and have no clue about what happens on the floor... because they don't care, all that matters is statistics, numbers, stupid checklists and telling people off for no reason just to prove authority. And don't you ever dare come up with a fair concern, the only answer you'll receive is a pat pat on your head and a "I hear you, thanks for your patience"... or worse gaslighting into thinking you are the problem. And God forgive if you ever get sick! It doesn't matter if our job is very physically demanding and we are constantly exposed to ill people, if you call in sick you are the scum of the universe and when you'll go back to work you'll be lectured on why calling in sick is bad... but at the same time you got told to stay home if you are not well. Obviously there are thousands of policies in place but does anyone actually cares about our health and wellbeing? Nah, all they care is covering their bottom and put the blame on you. Oh let's not forget many of us have to rely on bank shifts to make ends meet because our full time job's compensation is a "thank you" followed by a kick you know where. Expectations for nurses are sky high yet the quality of care has never been this low, there is nothing to do... if the heathcare system were a ship it would be the Titanic. But this is our fault too! We take all the responsibilities on our back in the name of "the teamwork" and "duty of care", everybody is taking the piss out us because we like to play saints but... are we martyrs or educated professionals? I let you think about the answer

(reposted with mod approval)
Original post:
https://old.reddit.com/AmItheAsshole/comments/onxses/aita_for_telling_an_employee_she_can_choose/
TL;DR: Things turned out well for everyone involved.
Peggy reached out to me yesterday, apologized, and asked if we could meet for lunch.
We met up, and the first thing she did was apologize again. For the no call/no show, and also for her reaction to my response. She admitted that she knows I'm not sexist, or "ableist" (IDK if I spelled that right, there's a red line under it), and explained that she was lashing out due to her mental state.
I accepted her apology, and offered one of my own. Both for giving her too much responsibility too quickly, and also for reacting out of emotion.
She explained to me that she had a major issue on Monday, and without getting into too much detail, I'll just say that it was the anniversary of a bad thing.
She's taking all of her accumulated PTO (~9 weeks), and we've agreed that going forward, I'm not going to put her on the schedule on that day ever again.
She's admitted that she's not up to the role of manager. When she returns, she will be in the role of lead cashier, a role I created specifically for her. This way she can keep her raise, and not feel like she got a "demotion", but rather a lateral transfer. I've also let her know that if she ever feels like she's up to more responsibility, she can let me know, and I'll put her right back on track for the manager spot.
I've also let her know that if she's ever in a position where she's not able to call out, she can simply text me a thumbs down emoji, and I will accept that as notice that she will be missing her next shift. She's agreed that that will be ok, even when she's "out of spoons".
I appreciate all of the ~6000 comments my post got, even the ones calling me TA. Thank you all very much. I want to specifically address the folks who explained "spoon theory" to me, as well as those who commented about "peter principle", those two types of comments very heavily influenced my actions. I was able to better understand both her issue, and my own failures as a leader because of those comments.
Hopefully we can both move forward from this unfortunate incident and end up better for it.

Based on an in-depth analysis of what it takes to have a successful relationship, I have decided I'm not that guy. I'm 20 years old and still in the stage where I'm trying to get my life together and make something out of myself (there is an uncertainty about this). I had to separate with the first girl I had a relationship with because she moved, and a few months ago, I got a gf. For some reason, I don't like her anymore, and I realised that I clung to her for a few months because I became really lonely a few months before I met her. I genuinely lost all feelings that I had for her and don't even want to see her anymore. The decision to get into a relationship with her was impulsive, I feel, and I don't think I'll be able to get another gf again. There's this girl that I've really liked for a really long time now, a childhood friend. I'm hoping I can get my life to the standards I'm expected to, so I can pursue a proper relationship with patience. However, in the times we live in, this is an incredibly difficult task that will take several years to achieve. Should I just pursue the girl that I like, or wait several years to get a girlfriend? Because I'll have lost her (the one I really like) to another person?

Full disclosure: I am a cis-male, non-offending pedophile in my early 30s. I grew up with loving parents and was never sexually abused. And despite complicated thoughts and feelings on the subject, I am ultimately anti-contact (that is, I do NOT advocate for sexual contact between adults and children, and do not think laws prohibiting such conduct should be changed). I'm posting this on a separate account from my main to keep any possible backlash and hate mail contained.
As a heads up, this is going to be a long post, as there's a lot to unpack regarding this topic and my position on it.
In the last several months I've been connecting with online pedophile support groups for moral and mental support, and I've even come out to someone very close to me in real life, and they've been understanding and supportive. But at the same time, I've also lately been having these occassional episodes of hopeless and depressive rage at how people like me are viewed and treated by society at large.
It’s been eating at me inside for a while now, and I can't keep silent about it any longer. I'm not expecting many people to agree with me, but if I can change a few minds, or at least one, I'll consider my effort here a success. I will try to address this subject with the nuance I believe it deserves, and hopefully any commenters will respond in kind.
There is a very persistent narrative regarding pedophiles in the United States, that we're all sick freaks and monsters who desire nothing more than to rape children, deserving of a bullet and a shallow grave, if not worse. Pedophiles are basically the ultimate acceptable target, more than even murderers, terrorists, or other major criminals. Anything bad that happens to them is better than they deserve, or so the popular thinking goes.
Before anything else, we should take a moment to get our definitions straight.
A pedophile is an individual who consistently experiences sexual attraction toward prepubescent children (generally 12 and under). Evidence strongly points to pedophilia being an in-born neurological trait, so it's almost always something that one discovers about oneself. Most importantly, pedophilia is an attraction only, and being a pedophile does NOT guarantee that one will go on to sexually abuse children. Pedophilia may or may not be exclusive (i.e. some pedophiles, like myself, are also attracted to adults in addition to children.)
In fact, not all people who sexually abuse children are pedophiles. Many abusers, perhaps even close to a majority, are situational offenders who prefer adults but abuse children as targets of opportunity. Some offenders have anti-social traits or impulse control problems, and some abuse out of a desire for control and power, rather than genuine sexual attraction. On the flipside, many pedophiles never commit sexual offenses against children.
Another important thing to note is that pedophilia is NOT a super-rare condition. Some studies suggest that between 3 to 5 percent of the general adult population are pedophiles, or at least have pedophilic inclinations (though with a stronger skew toward men than women). That's potentially as many as 1 in 20 people. It's very likely that you've met and interacted with pedophiles in your everyday life without ever knowing it, and there's a real possibility that someone close to you, whether a friend or a family member, may be a pedophile.
Naturally, the vast, vast majority of pedophiles (at least in the US) keep their condition a secret because of how they are demonized in society, and because of how it could ruin our entire lives if we were outed. People like us are literally viewed as the scum of the earth. Our status as pedophiles completely eclipses and renders worthless all other facets and qualities we have as people, as human beings, in the eyes of the public. And I believe that this stigma is actively harmful, not just to pedophiles themselves, but to society at large.
It's an extremely isolating condition, especially for people who are exclusive pedophiles. And that isolation is dangerous, not only because of the mental stress and harm it produces, but also because it makes it far more difficult to seek help if someone finds themselves in major distress about their attractions, or feels they may be at risk of offending in some way.
Similarly, I believe that how we handle child pornography possession (hereafter referred to as CSAM - child sexual abuse material) is also too draconian. To be clear, I believe that viewing real CSAM is unethical, even if it was acquired without money changing hands.
While I don't subscribe to the re-victimization theory (that a child is re-victimized each time CSAM of them is viewed by another person), I do believe that consuming CSAM represents a tacit acceptance of the abuse that made its creation possible, and that the act of seeking it out does ultimately increase demand for its production. These are problems that society is well within its collective right to discourage by law.
The problem is that in many cases, the criminal penalties for CSAM possession are as severe or sometimes even worse than if one had committed hands-on sexual acts with a child. And just like hands-on offenses, being convicted of possession will land the convicted on the sex offender registry, which is itself a cruel additional punishment that doesn't actually protect anyone. All it does is prevent offenders from re-integrating into society, increasing their isolation and making it more likely that they'll end up re-offending.
(As an aside, I think the US criminal system in general is far too draconian and far too focused on punishment over rehabilitation or restoration, to the detriment of society overall, but that's a topic for a different discussion).
Suppose that someone has fallen into viewing CSAM and they pick up an addictive habit of it, and they come to regret it and desire to stop. What are they supposed to do at this point? The penalties for coming forward to the legal system are literally life-destroying, and while one could try to seek therapy for it, the vast majority of therapists don't have the training or mindset to deal with pedophiles, and there may be legal requirements requiring them to report suspected sex offenders to the authorities.
Even in cases where such a requirement may not be applicable, a spooked therapist may report them anyway, once again leading to ruinous consequences. That's not even getting into the poor availability and lack of affordability of good mental healthcare in the US to begin with. It's a complete shitshow all around.
Some might say that a person who views CSAM deserves to be punished harshly, the same as if they had abused a child directly. But again, I believe this sentiment is overly rooted in disgust and the desire to punish perceived evil without considering the practical consequences. A person who has screwed up and viewed CSAM but wants to stop is now effectively trapped in a no-win situation, because now in addition to already incredibly isolating social stigma, they have the threat of serious prison time and a life on the sex offender registry hanging over their heads.
They have every reason to keep their struggle a secret and deal with it alone, and it's far, far more difficult to break away from harmful habits under that kind of isolation and mental stress, especially if there are other co-existing mental health conditions involved.
Ultimately this means that, more likely than not, the problem will be perpetuated in secret. And the distribution of CSAM continues to be a major problem, both on the dark net and even on many regular internet platforms, despite the harsh legal sanctions against it. It seems clear to me that our current approach to dealing with it is just not working.
To reiterate, I do NOT believe that real CSAM should be legalized. I think viewing it is unethical, and that its discovery warrants some sort of enforced social response. But that doesn't have to equal long prison sentences and the modern equivalent of a scarlet letter. I think the severity of such punishment is seriously disproportionate given the non-violent and indirect nature of the offense. In my view, something like mandatory commitment to therapy and civil restoration-type penalties would be far more appropriate, though I'm open to other ideas too.
Even beyond this, there have been increasing legal efforts to make even virtual, fictionally depicted child sex media (e.g CGI material and lolicon/shotacon) and child sex dolls illegal, despite these mediums having not involving real abuse of children at all, and despite there being no conclusive evidence of such artificial pornographic material leading to greater rates of child sexual abuse.
I believe these kinds of laws represent a serious legal overreach and violation of civil liberties, given that such material is truly victimless (unlike real CSAM). I accept that many people find such things disgusting, but that's not a sufficient reason to impose serious legal restrictions, and would effectively criminalize one of the few ethical outlets people like me have for our desires.
(This is incidentally tied in with a recent greater prevalence of censorship and restriction of NSFW materials on the Internet, which is more often than not used as a convenient social punching bag and scapegoat, especially by conservative politicians.)
Overall, I don't expect most everyone to simply become fully accepting of or comfortable with pedophiles, for understandable reasons. While it would be nice if we could exist fully in the open with no problems, I don't think something like that will be possible any time soon. But I firmly believe that this culture of harsh demonization and disproportionate punishment in cases of CSAM posession are overall counter-productive to preventing harm to children, and create unnecessary suffering for many, many people. And I believe it needs to change.
Here are some sources for those who want to do further reading:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2022/01/10/pedophiles-pedophilia-sexual-disorde8768423002/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/end-human-trafficking/202107/viewers-child-pornography-are-they-menace
https://www.hrw.org/news/2007/09/11/us-sex-offender-laws-may-do-more-harm-good
https://thesociologicalmail.com/2018/11/05/does-loli-and-shota-hentai-normalize-pedophilia/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7460489/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8735730/

Hey there! I'm hoping to find a partner interested in doing this roleplay with me. The basic idea is that our characters are in a romantic relationship with eachother. I'm talking like sending messages every day, going on dates, sleeping together, etc. I would love for it to feel as realistic as possible while still remaining a roleplay.
I have a few general ideas for how the roleplay can start. We can either do it where we're strangers or start it where we've already had an established relationship.
If we go the stranger's route, it can be like we matched on a dating app and this is the first date; or a mutual friend set us up on a blind date; or we meet at a baclub and hit it off; or any other idea we can come up with.
If we go the established relationship route, I'm thinking it's our one year anniversary and we have a special date planned to celebrate. Maybe it's a very fancy dinner or a vacation or something like that.
I would prefer this to be a very long term roleplay if possible. I want our characters to truly get to know eachother and slow burn to falling in love. I'm also open to short term if that is what you prefer.
I will be playing as my character. Her name is Jackie. She is 25 (age can be changed if you have a preference). She's a nurse and a former college athlete (cheerleading and gymnastics). She's a bit of a nerd and kind of shy and awkward. She loves to travel and try new things.
Even though I'll be a character, you can choose to be a character or play as yourself.
If this sort of roleplay interests you, please send me a chat and we can discuss the details! I hope to hear from you!
Disclaimer: I have a full time job and get pretty busy sometimes and can't always respond immediately. I will try to respond asap when I can. Thank you for your patience

Hey there! I'm hoping to find a partner interested in doing this roleplay with me. The basic idea is that our characters are in a romantic relationship with eachother. I'm talking like sending messages every day, going on dates, sleeping together, etc. I would love for it to feel as realistic as possible while still remaining a roleplay.
I have a few general ideas for how the roleplay can start. We can either do it where we're strangers or start it where we've already had an established relationship.
If we go the stranger's route, it can be like we matched on a dating app and this is the first date; or a mutual friend set us up on a blind date; or we meet at a baclub and hit it off; or any other idea we can come up with.
If we go the established relationship route, I'm thinking it's our one year anniversary and we have a special date planned to celebrate. Maybe it's a very fancy dinner or a vacation or something like that.
I would prefer this to be a very long term roleplay if possible. I want our characters to truly get to know eachother and slow burn to falling in love. I'm also open to short term if that is what you prefer.
I will be playing as my character. Her name is Jackie. She is 25 (age can be changed if you have a preference). She's a nurse and a former college athlete (cheerleading and gymnastics). She's a bit of a nerd and kind of shy and awkward. She loves to travel and try new things. She loves to dress up and go out.
Even though I'll be a character, you can choose to be a character or play as yourself.
If this sort of roleplay interests you, please send me a chat and we can discuss the details! I hope to hear from you!
Disclaimer: I have a full time job and get pretty busy sometimes and can't always respond immediately. I will try to respond asap when I can. Thank you for your patience

Hi guys I need some advice on how to go about getting to the only large looming problem of an otherwise great relationship.
Background: I met my current girlfriend on tinder just over a year ago. We have had a very good relationship and I am madly in love with her and she reciprocates the feelings. I’m to the point of wanting to get engaged and she’s on board I just have been waiting for the right time. Anyways as I’ve stated we met on tinder and I think she initially exaggerated some things. It isn’t a huge red flag to me because I think for the most part we are all trying to sell the best versions of ourselves online. When I was younger I did the same thing until I was more confident in my own skin.
Some of her embellishments that were quickly revealed to me by her: 1. Her brother died of cancer at 21- partial truth her brother-in-law did die of brain cancer shortly after marrying her sister. She made it seem like it was her biological brother in the beginning. 2. Her father was a deadbeat German writer who lived at one point in Germany and she’s lived in Germany.- Her dad is an American (German parents) deadbeat drug abuser, but she did live with family in Germany and as an exchange student for a few years. 3. She speaks German, English, French, and Italian fluently. - She actually only speaks English and German, hardly knows any of the other two…
I can look past these and she admitted them all to me fairly quickly in our relationship. She has low self confidence and I think has been embarrassed all of her life that she grew up in a trailer park with a dad who was never there and a mom who struggled to provide for 4 kids… I don’t blame her for being embarrassed, but I’ve reiterated it doesn’t matter to me I love her for who she is not how she grew up.
The problem I’m dealing with is I think she has dramatically oversold herself on her education/career to the point where it’s a pretty big lie and I’m scared to uncover it because I feel like it’s going to ruin the best relationship I’ve ever had.
My other suspected lie she’s told me is that she is an RN and is also in a hybrid medical program to become a pediatric oncologist. I believe this lie has been perpetuated from some of our earliest messages and she’s probably too “deep” into it to admit it is an embellishment of the truth. I personally don’t want to dig to much because I think Ill find the answer is she’s lying.
I know she works at a nursing home and she is involved in activities, but she says she’s also a nurse at the same facility in memory care. I have my suspicions because she talks about the activities more than nursing, but I don’t have proof she isn’t and I haven’t tried hard to uncover it. The bigger question I think is BS is the medical school part. She claims she’s in a program that is hybrid for RNs to become doctors and that it came about after Covid. She takes night classes online and has overnight clinicals at the local hospital in her town. Personally I think she’s in school for nursing but I haven’t pressed the issue. I can’t find any program that allows you to become a doctor without being in person at the university.
Weird thing is she admitted to me about leaving college her sophomore year of supposedly nursing school because of an abusive ex and finishing nursing at a local community college.
I’ve lightly pressed and joked about her not being a nurse, like “wow it seems like you get to chill at work a ton are you sure you’re a nurse!” Just light hearted trying to get an admission but I never have any luck. Any advice would be appreciated. How do I bring this problem up without wrecking our relationship? We have had goal talks ect. We align on everything, but this is a big lie to be carrying and all of my family thinks she’s in med school.
Craziest part of this is it might be major karma for me. I lied to my ex about graduating and didn’t admit until 8 months in… The difference is I dropped out to start a business and am arguably way more successful for doing it. Back when I was 21 I didn’t have the confidence that I do now and I feel forever guilty lying to my ex. In a way I feel like I’m using that experience to make excuses for my current girlfriend.
[tl;dr*] I think my girlfriend lied about being an RN in med school on her tinder and has carried that lie forward for over a year with me. How do I bring this up to her? Should I stay if she’s lying?

Correleation isnt causation. The stats don't lie... and "science is the only path to objective truth" . Yes Thats sarcasm. But i reckon "virgin" 25 year old males are more unhappy than 35 year old males. A 25 year old man is already going through the shit. The gauntlet of shit. But virginity is the icing on top that makes it all the more suicidal. Here ill say something more ridiculous: Virgin males at age 25 experience life abnormally, if they really hone their senses, theyre living a reality which is like having a target painted on his back at all times. Especially in a big city with all the happy couples and hot out-of-his league singles walking around.
where virgin here denotes the typically insecure, introverted, cant-talk-to-hot-girls, stressed, previously bullied (for his virginity streak beyond normal age and lack of charisma or sense of humor), unhygenic, unfullfilled and unhappy virgin male.
there is something called a creativity curve. Jordan peterson (me not being a fanboy, but just for engagement ill quote him) was quoted to mention this he said IIRc around age 25 male creativity peaks as the hr9mones are raging and it drops off later. you can imagine a virgin male has higher creativity and energy at age 25 than later. creativity kills.
I'd say a virgin adult male of ages 25 to 30, with no sexual history nor even a kiss from a girl is more likely to turn into a serial killer than a male of same age with a long sexual history (or male who gets laid with a girl weekly around that age)
I'm not entirely sure how I came to this conclusion. You could say I jumped to a conclusion.
And if this type of virgin male isn't yet documented to be "scientifically sound theory" one day it will be. That day might be the tipping point for a lot of people too.
Tl;dr I am now forced to be a mobile user with mobile spelling mistakes.

28F looking at getting into a trade, but unsure of what direction to go. I'm autistic, passionate about learning and I enjoy creating productive systems. When it comes to getting a job done, I enjoy figuring out how to do something and do it right. I'm creative and love using my hands to create things. I'll try anything once and I enjoy receiving constructive feedback that helps me grow and become more effective. I'm great at working independently, but I can also collaborate. I'm just not very good at social communication, and can be a bit sensitive sometimes (which I know could be an issue, but its something I want to work on anyway).
I grew up in a very restrictive household and wasn't even allowed to cut the grass because it was a "man's job", so the idea of joining a trade didn't even occur to me as a possibility until recently. I got my Associate's in Liberal Arts (which I've found is pretty useless) and have found that none of the jobs I do get are fulfilling or interesting. Once I learn what I need to do, that's it, there's nothing new to learn and no way to grow, and my managers would get frustrated with me for asking. The only job I kind of enjoyed was as a Recreational Director in a nursing home, and that was because I had so many opportunities to learn, use my hands and create systems, but the social aspect burned me out. I've struggled for years to hold office and sales jobs and it's made me severely depressed, underpaid, and overweight and I hate it. I want a change that will challenge me. I'm tired of feeling useless and helpless and I want to learn skills that are practical, useful, pay decently, and help people (and myself).
The only experience I have was working in a carpentry workshop creating sets for my college plays....but that was pretty limited. I know how to use some power tools and saws, but that's pretty much it. I do have dyscalculia, so that makes math difficult for me, but I feel like if given the time to learn I can make it. Also, I'm absolutely terrified of heights, sooooo that's an issue I feel like I could run into in a trade job.
When looking up trades I found that there are so many and I don't know which to go for. What advice do you guys have in finding what would work for me? I live in Pennsylvania. Thanks.

I went to a medical appointment today that I've been waiting on for 6 months. I was told that the appointment was to make a treatment plan for a tumor my PCP found that they said explained all the symptoms I've been struggling with my entire adult life. Research told me about 80% of cases can be treated fairly easily with medication.
I was so, so thrilled about this diagnosis. It meant I was actually sick. There was a thing you could point to on an MRI that was the reason things are so difficult for me. I've been in and out of doctors for years trying to figure out why I'm always exhausted and sick only to be told every time that "it's all in my head", "there's nothing wrong with me", and even "I need to relax more, have I considered taking more baths?". I've been second-guessing my every physical symptom for years. I'm happy when I get the flu because no-one can argue that I'm sick and I can actually act like I'm sick for a few days instead of carrying on like everything's fine.
While waiting for this appointment I actually looked back on how I feel at the end of the working day now compared to 5 years ago and let myself acknowledge how much worse my symptoms are now. I got temporary adjustments at work to make it easier to deal with while I waited for treatment. I cut myself some slack for not being always on top of housework, for gaining so much weight because I was too tired to cook and eating to make myself feel better. I let myself believe there was a magic pill that would make me feel like a normal person.
Straight off the bat this morning the specialist says he thinks my PCP misdiagnosed me and he doesn't think I need treatment. He's referring me to a different specialist, who I've been to before and didn't help, and then discharging me back to the PCP.
I'm not entirely surprised. I can't believe that I let myself trust the magic pill theory. Now I'm back to square one except I've wasted 6 months on false hope when I could have been taking real steps to manage my mental health. The whole reason I went to the PCP was to change my antidepressants, which aren't managing my depression at all and have made me gain weight like crazy, and I was told not to change them until I'd seen the specialist.
I went back to work and started planning my week and... the adjustments that I'd agreed. Do I stop them now? I know my boss would be OK with me continuing them, but if there's "nothing wrong with me" is it just making it worse by indulging the idea that I'm sick rather than just getting on with it? I'm right back in the gap between sucking it up/not letting myself wallow and being kind to myself/not burning out pretending everything is OK.
Just... ugh. In a day or two I'll get over it, change my antidepressants and get back into therapy. Take the long road instead of the magic pill. But I needed to shout my frustration into the Reddit void and grieve the idea of the magic pill for a minute. If you made it this far, thanks for listening!

Hello, I'm in need of guidance. I'm a young woman who recently encountered someone interested in pursuing marriage with me, and we've been gradually getting to know each other. However, I've come to a point where I'm questioning whether this person is truly the right fit for me and if I can envision a future with him. While he's undoubtedly an intriguing individual with many layers to unravel, I find myself uncovering aspects of him that unsettle me on a daily basis. His tendency to let his gaze wander is a significant red flag for me, igniting doubts about whether I'll be the sole focus of his attention. Though it may seem logical to end things if I'm already doubting, I'm grappling with the uncertainty of whether I'm overthinking or analyzing too much. Yet, deep down, I can't shake the feeling that he might betray my trust, whether intentionally or unintentionally. This internal conflict could also stem from a fear of self-sabotage, but my instincts persistently warn me that he may struggle with remaining faithful and could jeopardize our relationship with impulsive actions. I'm troubled by the societal notion that men are never satisfied, further complicating my decision-making process. Despite seeking guidance through prayer and consulting with family and friends, my heart remains clouded with doubt. I feel lost and frustrated, not wanting to waste either of our time but struggling to reach a definitive decision about this man.
Am I overthinking this?

Not looking for drama, only looking for friends and some chats, so something platonic. I like listening to some music mostly pop, i also used to draw and thinking about getting back to it, so maybe we would have something in common. I watch movies, series, and i also like gaming, tho i dont play much thease days. People say that im funny, but thats very debatable, I'll leave it for you to decide. Anyone are welcome, weirdos included, but keep your junk in your pants cause im only talking about good type of weirdos. So lets talk about something fun or stupid, or deep. Maybe you got some conspiracy theories!? Oh and you can ghost me if you dont feel the connection, you're not gonna hurt my feelings😌.

Eyo all, been struggling with this detail during my questioning as of late.
I'm currently 22 AMAB, and as the title says I'm not really sure what I want tbh. I first had this thought way back during highschool sometime in around when I firsted started "self pleasure". I had discovered gender transformation content at that time and found the idea and artwork highly attractive. I would have the odd thought back then of if I wanted to be a girl. I remember thinking if I was presented with an option to swap my body with that of a cis girls just for the day, I would totally do it. If it was for a slightly longer timeframe but still short (say like couple days or week max) I would of probably still done it. But when I asked myself if I wanted that permanently, I was highly unsure. It wasn't an instant no, but also not an instant yes like the earlier scenario. During this time I wondered if I was potentially trans but brushed it aside due to that uncertainty and also having some thoughts along the lines of, "being trans is for other people. That's not me. What I want is different and lies in the realm of fantasy (shapeshift superpower)".
Well, that was 6-8 years ago and as you can see that thought has still persisted. It was the start of Feb this year when I started questioning again. This time alot more serious (lurking on this sub as well as MtF. Reading a bunch of articles, doing research on various things including HRT etc). But this thought, I havent really been able to find other stories or posts on. Maybe I've just been looking in the wrong places. I could only find stuff like "I wish to be a girl for x reasons" but they never included that second part about the uncertainty of the permanency.
I've tried to think about why I have that uncertainty, and I have a couple theories but nothing conclusive that I've gone "ah yea, that's why I was unsure". Here's some of those theories.

• Feaanxiety about the whole transition process and coming out to friends/fam. I know that if I hypothetical am trans. I would most likely would be wanting the full package. HRT, voice training, social transition, GRS and potentially BA depending on growth. But that's alot alot to think about. It weights heavily. Also I wouldn't be surprised if there's some internalized transphobia mixed in with all this.
• Maybe it's just a fetish? That's when I first had the thought after all. But I don't really think this is the case anymore after reading the StainedGlassWomen articles (I def used to think this was the explanation for a long time though).
• Tried the thought experiment of what I feel when I imagine myself aging as a woman vs a guy. I found it hard to imagine any long term future at all, regardless of those two options. For as a guy all I really came up with was almost like white noise? Just a blank thing without any definitive expression. As a women fairly similar, maybe just a tad it less? Only like 2% but honest idk. I feel like I didn't gain anything out of the experiment.
• Maybe just enby or genderfluid? But at the same time neither of these really resonant with me. Specifically for GF and presentation I know I have 0 interests in being a fem looking guy. I also don't care for super masculine presentation either tho. Never cared to workout and get big muscles and stuff. Typical "chad bro" kinda stereotype. I was the quiet nerd in school. On the fem side of things I don't really have an attraction to super fem presentation either. I feel like I would have a higher chance of being tomboy or demi girl (if enby). Which about that...
• ATM I def feel like a guy. I've been socialized like one and live/present like one. All my friends are also guys. The exceptions are 2 women that I game with (WoW guild) and a Demiguy who I play D&D with. Besides the 2 WoW friends the only other women I talk to on the reg are my mother, and also coworkers but thats all work related stuff. So I don't relate at all to the "feeling more comfortable in womens spaces and around other girls" that ive seen some transfems say. Also, all my interests/hobbies are also heavily dominated with other guys. So with all that said. When ever I think about all this trans stuff, it starts to feel foreign and weird. I had a consult with a gender therapist (going to be seeing them again in a couple weeks to try and talk about all this) I stumbled hard over my words just trying to give a simple summary of why I was wanting to see them when they asked. Felt super awkward physically vocalizing I've been questioning my gender (don't have that same feeling when I'm a blank face talking to strangers online like with this post for example.

So, with all this said. With all the research I've been doing, how long these thoughts have lingered around. Alot of stuff point to me not being cis, "Cis people don't wonder about their gender this much". Occams razor and all that. But regardless I'm still filled with all this uncertainty. Right now, right this second. If someone were to present me with "the button". I would 100% press it if either of the following were true.

• Super short duration (like mentioned previously, 1 day to a week).
• Or if I could hit the button again at any point after to change back.

I don't know if I would press it or not. Again, it's not an immediate no as im assuming most other guys would respond like. I would probably heavily ponder on hitting it or not, but I'm not sure what conclusion I'd come to if any at all.
Edit: I should add I'm honestly not entirely sure what I expect out of making this whole post. I think maybe just needed to vent, or just ask from some help maybe? (I've had issues of asking for help in the past. Took me awhile to work up the courage/effort to reach out to that therapist I mentioned above). But again, I'm not really sure tbh.

I'll be upfront about the fact that I work for a low voltage company that is a regional distributor for a specific Nurse Call Manufacturer. I.E. - I install exactly 1 companies nurse call system, everyone else is competition.
My curiosity stems from having to maintain and service this particular call light system and other low voltage systems equipment that we install in hospitals.
Does the ease of having a local reputable dealeservice crew effect the decisions of higher ups when choosing to either install a new system or replace an aging one?
If NOT, how can we make that more of a priority?