What are dirty things to say to my boyfriend

Guy I'm seeing pulled me up on my bushy eyebrows and body hair in a very indirect way. I have a small treasure trail which I think is cute. The hairs are blondish so I don't go to the hassle of waxing or whatever. He didn't directly say it to me, he just brought up that isn't it weird how the beauty ideal has molded us to view women a certain way and that if they're not like that then it's kinda ick e.g. if there's a woman with hairy legs etc even though innately we should feel attracted to them because they're a woman you don't. I'm totally paraphrasing and can't remember the exact phrase he used but I asked him directly do you think my legs are hairy and he said no. I do shave my lower legs but not my upper ones which aren't hairy imo. Now I'm like fuck, guess I better get the tweezers out and laser my entire body. I guess it's good in a way. He wants me to look my best? I'm not shaving my bush though just bottom part. I told him I have a lot of testosterone soooo... and he laughed.
I'm also completely neurotic and I went for a nap after getting home from his place today and then tried calling him and he didn't answer straight away. Immediately my mind jumped to the worst and I thought he was with another girl when he was actually just out on his bike. I blocked him on whatsapp and sent him a bunch of 🐷🐷🐷 emojis. He called me and was like wtf and I'm pretty sure he now thinks I'm crazy which I am. I told him I'm sorry for being so neurotic.
His dog died recently which was honestly heartbreaking as I considered them a package deal and my favourite activity was going for walks with him and his dog. I interpreted this as a punishment from God for having premarital sex and that maybe I shouldn't be with him.
I also don't feel comfortable pooping in his house yet even though I have multiple times.
I called him twice by accident on Whatsapp when I was reading over his messages like a sap. This was in the really early days and one of the times was at 7.30 in the morning when I was half asleep. Embarrassing. We were able to laugh about it but still.. literally the complete opposite from aloof and cool. "Someone misses me" is what he said.
He smokes so I started vaping again. This is definitely bad.
I guess I'm an rs gf. I feel like I like him so much I'm going crazy. I don't even have any reasons to have trust issues. It's always been me that's sabotaged my past relationships. I'm going away for work in June so at least my mind will be on other things then. Is there any way I can let go and stop being so uptight and neurotic yet still tick all the boxes as the ideal wife? I believe it is his fault for love bombing me telling me I'm going to father his kids, move in with him and that we're going on a motorbike road trip for our honeymoon.
I genuinely should have been born a man. I tried therapy before but ghosted my therapist to join crossfit. I'm also 30 so this is all just so embarrassing. I guess the post could be titled being a modern woman is hard. I don't really have any girlfriends in my corner to slap some sense into me. Someone tell me to chill tf out or what I should do.

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Spying on a college student wasn’t exactly riveting, mostly because it was so easy! Connecting to Tav’s computer had been a breeze, and taking over the microphone on her phone wasn’t exactly hard either. Blanco had a good look at the girl’s files, checking her old writings with little to no interest, and then reading through the notes she was taking on a ‘Translation effort’ with legitimate curiosity.

The creature was sitting in the air, slowly sliding from one side of his room to the other, lit only by the lights of the many screens on its walls… all while the grin on his face was only growing wider and wider with each new discovery. So a language, hmm? Wasn’t that the thing that G and Eighty Two had been rambling about for years now? Ohhh, he couldn’t wait to tell them… or, at least, tell G about it.

He had been paid quite the hefty sum to not tell 82 a thing of what they discovered, at least for now… the fight between those two had always struck Blanco as arbitrary and stupid, but alas! It wasn’t his business, really! In fact, that fight had brought much more business to him than anything!

The phone suddenly rings. Speak of the devil! A quick check on the caller ID showed Eighty Two’s private line.

With a broken glass grin covering his otherwise smooth face, Blanco took the phone.

“Bianccio Pizzería! Thickest pizza around! How can I help you?~” Oh how he relished pissing people off.

“Shut up.” A cold, feminine voice came from the other side. Eighty Two always sounded so annoyed… “I need a service. Payment will be in advance, as per our usual accord.”

“Ohhh straight to the point huh? I like it!”

“There’s a new user in Dejima 08. Perform the usual Safety Scan. They claim to have been invited by user ‘Canned Tea’, but we know he has lied about it before.”

“Ok, let me check!” Just to cover, Blanco tapped gibberish on his keyboard while softly going ‘beep boop’ as he worked. “... Alright! Got it!”

“That was fast.”

“Tav. Real name Santino Belnades. A Bastard Mage living in Saüle, Wohl.”

“Is he dangerous?”

“Actually she goes by she now!”

“Is she dangerous?” Mustafá grumbled, more annoyed than usual.

“Nah. Just a college student like many others. She’ll give up or die in a month tops.”

“...” Mustafá remained silent for a moment, ruminating. “So Canned Tea is just covering another random bastard…”

“Ahem. My pay?”

“Why is this kid like this? Can’t he realize that he’s getting them into far more trouble than it’s worth?”

“I thought you said nothing ever happens in that forum of yours. Isn’t that your main complaint?”

“That doesn’t mean nothing ‘can’ happen at any moment. If the Brotherhood finds out about this forum, they could seize all of us for questioning.” The alchemist let out a deep sigh.

“Yeah, real tragic. Pay me.”

“I wonder how this one got turned. Probably some mage’s irresponsible usage of spells…? No, Wohl has such a low magical population, and such a high conscription by the Brotherhood…”

Blanco let out the deepest of sighs, rubbing his smooth face with a hand while spinning slowly on his non-existent chair. This was exactly why he prefered working with G, that and the lack of emotions that witch had…

And people called him inhuman! Hah!

“Keep an eye on her. I will pay you right now.”

There was a loud ‘KA-CHING!’ sound coming from one of the computers in the room. Blanco sighed in relief.

“Thank you for your patronage! I will keep you updated.”

“Good.”

With that, the alchemist hung up. Blanco growled again. No one said ‘Good Bye’ these days now, did they!? Rude pricks. And bad news kept coming up! This ‘Canny’ guy was now telling her that he’ll teach her the glyph for digital security?

“Guess baby time is over.”

He’d have to work a little harder to stay hidden if Tav decided to install that on all of her devices. At least it would keep him entertained! Blanco decided to focus on preparing for when things would get more intense.

After all, he had some time. The kid was going to the library, right? There was only one book she wanted from there, and Blanco had read it several times over already.

Gato’s old scratchbook held no new knowledge for the vampire to be interested.


There is no such thing as an entire section dedicated to recipe books in Saüle University’s Library, but I manage to find that stuff in the ‘miscellany’ section. That’s where all the hobby and self-help material ends up, and even if it took me a moment to come to the conclusion, that’s where I went too.

It takes me even longer to look through every single tome I could in that section, but finally, after all my hard work… I think I have found it.

Canny was right, this is a cheap notebook. Soft covers, spiral-bound, both sides stamped with wizard hats, frogs, potion phials and many other pieces of typically ‘witchy’ imagery. Looking through the pages, it is just a bunch of cake and kuchen recipes, nothing to write home about. It is old, the pages are all yellowish and fragile, and there are stains everywhere.

Then, when I am sure no one is watching… I whispered the words.

“Jantar mantar…?”

It is instantaneous, as soon as I say the password the pages begin to change, words disappearas the ink that wrote them starts gathering in a single, dark blotch, and then begins rearranging again…

Something compels me to close the book, feeling a little embarrassed. For some reason I equated it to catching someone changing up clothes, how outrageous!

Finally, after waiting for a moment, I open it again.

The Bastard’s Guide to Magic
By Gato

Okay, that was certainly a title.

Now that I have it in my hands, I quickly close it again and add it to a pile of books I have picked up. Stuff on ancient symbology and old civilizations. With my loot in my arms, I quickly go over to the main desk and get it all sorted.

The second floor librarian smiles at me for a moment before scanning all the barcodes, giving me a week to return all the books, and then offering me a bag to carry them. I shake my head, setting it all in my backpack.

… Wow, it’s been a while since I've taken this old backpack out to Uni, huh?

“Feeling nostalgic?”

“For the times you were an actually useful member of society?”

Maybe a little bit, to be honest. I still remember when I used to come here with Patricio looking for academic books and I escaped the duties to look for something interesting to read…

“Back when you actually read as a hobby.”

Shut up, I’ve been reading more these days, I am returning to it.

Walking out of the Library, I once again avoid the gaze of any acquaintances and run straight for the streets to take another taxi back home. There aren’t that many people around today anyways, probably because of Winter Vacation.

Maybe I should send Patricio a message…

“Oh yeah? And what will you tell him? That you’re ditching formal studies for a fantasy? That magic is real and shit?”

I… thought of saying hi. That’s what friends do, right?

“When was the last time you spoke to a friend? Pepe? Vito? What about Venus?”

I flinch for a moment.

“We can fix that right now! Let’s go chat with Patricio when we get home!”

I… don’t think I will, no. The mere idea of getting in contact with him makes me a little sick from the nerves, especially considering I don’t really have an answer for what he told me before. I remain as undecided on the whole ‘career’ deal as I was that day.

With a hand I call for a passing taxi, and I have the luck of being acknowledged. You never know with the Taxists these days, it is very well known that they dislike the college students in this city.

Maybe he is hurting for money.

I sit down, tell the man where I need to go, and stop thinking about things for a moment as the car moves… only to feel my phone vibrating.

It vibrates more than once.

That means someone’s calling me.

I start sweating almost immediately, as I carefully pull the thing out. Two possibilities, it js either spam, or it is my parents.

It is my parents.

“Calm down.”

“How do you think they would feel if they knew how fucking distressed their presence make you? Do you think they would ask ‘whatever did we do wrong?’ or something like that?”

“Don’t listen. Just… remember that they’ve never meant anything bad, ok? They will accept you, regardless of your results in college.”

I gulp… and with a deep breath, I put on the mask. All trembling stops, just like that night at the planetarium… although it really pains me to compare mom and dad to the cloaks. With another deep breath, I pick up.

“Mom?”

“Ohhhhh hi there Santi! How are you today? I hope I didn’t catch you too busy!” Mom was as vital and energetic as ever. Despite her old age, she really always acts like a far younger woman. That’s admirable, at least to me.

“She will die eventually, too.”

Saints above, shut up.

“I’m fine mom! I was just returning from the library. We started vacation this week, so I was picking some stuff to read on my own.” Not technically a lie. “How are things over there in Sumpf?”

“Ohhh you know, there’s never much to tell around here. Your dad and Vito always at each other’s throats… I really hope they'll get along a bit better with time.”

“They wont. If anything, it will get worse.”

Vito will grow wiser and dad will grow older, I am sure things will get better.

“Hah, I guess some things never change… what about you? Feeling fine?”

“Oh you know me, I am fine! For now.” She laughed loudly. “And you, Santi? How do you feel?”

“Uh…”

Damn it. I hesitated. I need to give that a reason NOW.

“... Well I had a bit of a toothache before, but beyond that, all’s…” I sigh. “Okay, maybe not so good. Mom, I think I flunked my exams this time…”

“Oh my dear…” She sighed, before going back to her positive self. “Don’t torture yourself over it now. Wait for the actual grade to be announced, then torture yourself!”

“Moom!”

“I am just kidding sweetie.” She chuckled a bit. “It is fine, we all fail sometimes… really, it’s not the end of the world, I swear.”

“She’s trying to soften the blow from the fact that you’re a fucking failure.”

I shudder.

“You are doing your best, that’s all that matters.”

“Are you?”

“We are proud of you, Santi. Never forget that.” She said, probably smiling.

“They were proud. Now? They are just enduring you.”

My lips tremble, a sharp breath escapes me. No, please. I can’t cry in a damn taxi…

“...Mom.”

“Yes, dear?”

“... What if this career isn’t what I am meant to do?”

“We are not ‘meant’ to do things. The Saints put us here to try and improve ourselves, but there’s no one dictated path, dear.”

Sometimes I forget that mom is quite religious, it makes me smile a little bit.

“I know, I know. But that’s not what I meant…” I hesitate again, breathing in and out, trying to keep the panic attack at bay. “... Mom… what if this is not the career I am built for?”

“Well… you can always change, dear! It is no problem, don’t worry about the money. We can afford it, especially with your scholarship!”

I certainly lost that one with my disastrous performance here, but I don’t have the guts to tell Mom that.

“As if she didn’t know already. She’s not stupid.”

“... Thank you mom.”

“Any time, dear. If there’s ANYTHING at all that you feel like telling me, remember that I am always on your side, okay?”

“Yes mom.”

“Yeah yeah, ‘yes mom’, that means ‘shut up already, old lady’, right?” She giggled.

“Mooom!”

“Alright, alright… I hope you can come back soon, okay? We miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“She doesn’t believe you. None of them do. They think you’re cold, distant and a failure on top of all that.”

“I love you mom.”

“Love you too, Santi.”

Click.

The taxi is not moving, it hasn’t been for a while now. The old man behind the steering wheel looks at me with concern.

“We’re here… kid. If something is wrong, you gotta tell your mom. Trust me… there are many things I wish I told mine before she passed.”

“You don’t know us. You have no idea about us. Stop talking so familiarly to us and go away.”

I flinch, pushing down that response and just sighing.

“I know… thank you.”

After paying the man, I walk out of the taxi and let it go, standing in front of my apartment complex for a moment.

I really don’t want to cry today.

But I already feel some tears going down my face.

Why am I like this?

so keep It short I've been with my gf for almost 2 years. Everything has been going really smoothly until she texted this guy that I've always been suspicious of, borrowing her his jacket and texting quite alot. Every after she graduated from school she's not been texting him much but recently she started it again, the first few times it was okay they didn't say anything suspicious, only ignored me to text him. This time however I caught her saying," wanna come find me😉" in a joking way as she is working and she is hinting for him to find her. Before that message they have been texting ALOT too sending him what nails she wanna do and allat, even though she told me what ever she told him, it was still really bothering me. She even asked him to send his time table although they are in different schools. When I saw that message, I was really heartbroken, she realised her mistake and did what every person caught doing something bad would act. I forgave her, but things were so different, I started shouting more and Ive just become so paranoid about everything, everytime I told her im feeling paranoid about what she's doing and if she could update me, she always gets annoyed, and it always leads to big arguments. To cut to the chase, today I had my biggest argument with her and I think we're done. I was overthinking again and once again and we were already on kind of bad terms, I starting saying things like why don't you go date your friend instead? Why don't you just leave me for him instead? She freaked out and started slapping, punching throwing my phone and pushing me. I was in so much pain and this time I've had enough, I actually used strength on her, fyi I gym pretty often. I pushed her on the bed, took my stuff and tried to leave, but she blocked me using her body and prevented me to leave but I've had enough I pushed her away from me and pushed her on to the bed, BUT I didnt hit her at all. I grabbed my stuff and straight up left the house, it was my first time doing this and she still haven't texted me, can I get some opinion and tips on what I should do?

So, I turn 18 in about 9 ish months and I dont really know what to do. I posted on here a while back but deleted it for security reasons. I've been homeschooled since I was 10, I've had barely any formal education apart from the last half of this school year where I did online school.
I also started taking some in person electives at my local Highschool around the same time i started online schooling. It has been one of the best things to have happened to me in the past years and I will never forget how lucky I am to have that. I know there are too many people on this sub who are completely isolated until theyre adults and i only hope they have opportunities going forward like the ones ive been given. It's crazy how 4 months have felt both like a mere flash of time and a lifetime. This being said I'm not sure how to continue.
I feel like there's so much I should have done, or learned, or been apart of. Now I'm rushing to complete every course under the sun while my parents act like it should be easy. It baffles me how quickly they shift the blame for not providing me with an education. What's worse is that they see how much I've improved in FOUR MONTHS and talk about how they wished they had done this for me sooner. Then they all but refuse to do the same for my siblings until I'm litteraly begging on their behalf. I want a better life for my siblings, it hurts me everyday knowing they will have it better because they have someone fighting for them when I didn't. But I want them to live a better life and have a better childhood.
I don't understand why my parents push away everything I say when there's proof of a better existence. I don't understand how they can say "it worked for you cause you're different, you fight us". My brother is a struggling reader at 11, none of my siblings have had proper math or science classes in nearly a decade. And when I ask for them to be put in these classes I'm hit with "It's not the right time,"
What do I do? What happens when I leave to pursue my own life? I don't even know how I'm going to get into, let alone pay for college. I feel like I'm going to be stuck forever.

I (f 30) am the youngest of two. My older sister (f 36) lives in the same state but a few hours away. She never came home after college because she was in a relationship. When we were younger she was a total mother's girlie girl and I was a daddy's girl. With that dynamic you can conclude that me and mom (f 55) weren't very close back then. When my sister went to college and it was just me and mom, we clashed all the time. I couldn't wait to go to college and be free. Unlike my sister, when i graduated from college I went back home and lived with my mom. While in school she found out she had cancer and I realized how important she was to me, during the summer I would take care of her. I became super protective because my dad (m 60) had died the second part of my freshman year. I guess realizing you only get one dad and mom did something to me and our relationship changed. Strangely, while in college I transformed into a girlie girl with all female roommates that treated me like a toy by dressing me up and taking me to parties. So, when I came home I started working right away. Had some messy relationships and crappy jobs, but my mom always supported me. From what I seen my mom and sister were still close, even with the distance. When Shawn would come home her and mom hung out, sometimes she would stay with us, sometimes not but they talked often. Note, I don't know if it was the age difference or what but me and my sister never got along. Somewhere in my 20's I realized that we were never going to be "those sisters" and called it for what it was. We are blood, but not friends, and I know if we weren't related we would never befriends on purpose. Don't get me wrong, I love her and if Shawn was hurt or in trouble I would help her but for now, for my mom's sake I talk to her on major holiday's and important family matters, but not to just catch up or anything. I honestly don't care. Sadly, if other family member didn't ask "how is your sister", I could probably go years without thinking about her. Anyways, it started off slow, like Shawn would come to town not stay with us, then she would come to town and not reach out until she was leaving, and then we wouldn't know she was in town at all unless she called my grandmother or posted something on social media in a familiar place. It was weird because they would always link up. Shawn loves mom's cooking and would come home just for that. Mom would go visit her and go to work events with Shawn, at the last one mom said they got into an argument because she was tired from driving 5 hours, going to the event without a nap and being on her feet all night. After the event mom just wanted to go back to Shawn's apartment and rest, but there was an after party she wanted to go to. Not wanted to go to the after party mom just wanted her to walk her back to the apartment and then Shawn could go. Shawn wanted mom to go with her and said they wouldn't be there long, but mom was tired. She was trying to convince her that she would only stay for 30 minutes, but we both know when Shawn is in a room she will talk to everyone and 30 minutes could turn into 3 hours real quick. When mom put her foot down and asked her to take her home Shawn got upset and started yelling "this is mom's side of the story", you never want to do anything, ugh, why can't you just have fun, ugh..... She said Shawn was just yelling her on the corner of the street while people were walking. Shawn stays in town where a lot of people walk and everything is close by. Then she agreed to walk mom back but walked super fast and mom couldn't keep up. She is shorter than me and my sister. When they got back, she let mom in, changed her shoes and went back out. When mom came home and told me what happened I was so confused. It isn't like them to argue. I guess you can say this was the beginning of the end. Shawn stopped calling her as often, went out of the country and said nothing about it until the day of. There were just a lot of things she was doing without communicating with mom, it came to a head when our phone plan bill went up 100's of dollars. See, the bill is in Shawn's name but mom pays the bill, well she use to until Shawn got an iPhone and added the cost of the phone to the bill. Mom and I have Samsung's. She did this without telling mom and because the bill was automated it took mom while to notice. When she did, she told Shawn to start paying the bill for the portion of the phone itself. She agreed but wouldn't pay it on times, there were times that my phone was off but didn't notice because I was always near wifi. Somewhere in the middle of this she got another iPhone and the bill went again. Shawn didn't know that just because she got another phone didn't mean she wouldn't have to pay off the other one. They went back and forth on the phone one day arguing, Shawn claiming she paid and mom asking her to go through the payment history and tell her where...... the arguing ended when she started yelling at mom, saying "you're triggering me, you're triggering me" my mom just stared into the phone in disbelief... We're black and raised in a very much black household so for those who know, know those are words that we just don't say..... Well that was last week and this past weekend was mothers day and Shawn didn't call mom.... We have a family group chat of about 23 people and she said it there but not directly to mom or sent a card or anything.... I asked her the Thursday before if she would be sending mom something on mother's because we usually work together to get her something or she send me money and I get her something and Shawn will send a card. But nothing. She didn't even call our grandmother.... I went to my boyfriends house after then mother's day dinner at my grandmother's house, where I stay most weekends and while there she called me. Mom calls when she says things are too much to text. bet she went home and found a package with a 15 pound weight in it and a note saying "I hope your mother's day brought you some joy",.... Um what??? I want someone to tell me why she picked this as a mother's day gift.... and just one ... one 15 pound weight, not a set. Mom works out but already has a set for 5,10,15, and 20 pounds weight that I know Shawn knows she has. Mom was really sad and she isn't the super emotional one of us 3, the emotional one is me. If there is one thing I hate is my mom feeling bad, but then for it to be caused by her own child was different. Shawn NEVER answers the phone like NEVER, I had to tell her our dad passed away via text after calling almost 100 times. Mom sounded like she wanted to cry and just kept asking me " Brit, what did I do wrong, I don't know what I did wrong". Dang, that broke me. Now I'm the bigger of the two of us, and my sister knows me well enough that she don't want these problems so instead for even calling I sent a long text, basically saying I was disappointed to call her my sister and she should be ashamed of how she is treating our mother because when she got fired and unemployment wasn't paying enough to cover her bill's mom paid. Shawn never paid her back. Over all she is one of the most selfish people I know. I just asked her how hard is it to say happy mother's day or send a card. I didn't expect a response, but she did, in only 15 minutes. She said " I appreciate your concern and believe me, this runs much deeper than a phone bill. I don't have the same relationship with mom as you. You only know what you experienced and what happened to you. So, I'm not going to try and explain the various dynamics between mom and I that led to where we are now. It maybe hard for you to understand today. Pls don't blame it all on me. I love you. " I don't even know what that means. I responded something like other than physical, emotional, or mental harm i don't know what could have happened so bad that she couldn't call and say happy mothers day though. I can't imagine my mom doing any of those things. but again she gave some therapy like response and asked me to give her time to heal.... Mom has no clue what various dynamics she is talking about. I'm asking for advice because I feel like she is going down the same path she did with our dad. After our parents marriage ended and we were living with dad, mom still came over 3 times a week and cooked, had us on weekends. It was like she never left the only difference was she didn't sleep at home. When the arrangement changed, dad came 2 weekends in a row. then every other weekend, then once a month, then we were lucky if we saw him at all. It broke my heart in high school when a boy in my class told me to tell my dad that he would be late for practice. I was confused and bugged him all day to explain what he meant. I found out that my dad was coaching baseball across the street from our subdivision about 3 times a week with games on the weekend. So, he could see random boys at my school almost everyday for at least 3 hours and couldn't come over before or after to see his own kids? I actual walked over to the park one day because I refused to believe it, but there he was. We never talked about it. I just started walking there and sitting in the dugout to be near him and he would drive me the 2 minutes back home. All of the players lived in our neighborhood and dad had a flat bed so he would drop them off too. When Shawn graduated high school she never talked to our dad again after that day. She never told me why. He also developed cancer while I was in college and was very sick, when he got better he tried to get back in our lives and I let him in mine, called him on holidays but he did some messed up stuff to me my first year of college so I pushed back a little between that dad would call me and tell me to call my sister on 3 way, if she answered she was forced to talk to him. She wouldn't say much and would always say she was busy or had to do something to do and promise she would call him back and never would. So, now .... as part of my trying to figure out what my mom did, I reminded her how she cried when she found out our dad passed and she just kept saying she thought she had more time and who would walk her down the ail when she gets married and never got a chance to fix things. I would hate for that to happen with our mom too. I know because of our relationship once mom passes away we will most likely not talk or see each other ever again. So, I asking what did my mom do to her? What can I do to help fix this or should I even try? Anyone have any suggestions or ideas, also sorry for the typos or misspelled words or if its hard to follow, but I ask for anyone's input if they have experience this type of situation? Side note, idk if this helps but when Shawn came to town the last few times she stayed with our Aunt Carla. She has baby of the family syndrome, where she thinks she had hard but was actually spoiled rotten and believes all her sisters and brother and their wives are jealous of her. It's total BS but once when mom and I weren't getting along and I stayed with her, she told me some crazy stories about mom sleeping around, getting drunk, trying to fight her and someone else and some other stuff. This was when I was in college and I believed what she said mom and I continued to be on the outs for awhile before I found out about her cancer and became her protector and caregiver for a while. I don't believe those stories so much now be her and mom had issues before, Carla has actually had issues with all her siblings at one point and finds the need to the the main character of her own story and everyone else's. Simply she's a "One Upper". Aunt Carla getting in Shawn's ear is one idea I believe, also Shawn's friend have ummmmm "other people problems" like mellow dramatic soap opera drama and she maybe internalizing their issues. But yeah help, where do I go from here?

so keep It short I've been with my gf for almost 2 years. Everything has been going really smoothly until she texted this guy that I've always been suspicious of, borrowing her his jacket and texting quite alot. Every after she graduated from school she's not been texting him much but recently she started it again, the first few times it was okay they didn't say anything suspicious, only ignored me to text him. This time however I caught her saying," wanna come find me😉" in a joking way as she is working and she is hinting for him to find her. Before that message they have been texting ALOT too sending him what nails she wanna do and allat, even though she told me what ever she told him, it was still really bothering me. She even asked him to send his time table although they are in different schools. When I saw that message, I was really heartbroken, she realised her mistake and did what every person caught doing something bad would act. I forgave her, but things were so different, I started shouting more and Ive just become so paranoid about everything, everytime I told her im feeling paranoid about what she's doing and if she could update me, she always gets annoyed, and it always leads to big arguments. To cut to the chase, today I had my biggest argument with her and I think we're done. I was overthinking again and once again and we were already on kind of bad terms, I starting saying things like why don't you go date your friend instead? Why don't you just leave me for him instead? She freaked out and started slapping, punching throwing my phone and pushing me. I was in so much pain and this time I've had enough, I actually used strength on her, fyi I gym pretty often. I pushed her on the bed, took my stuff and tried to leave, but she blocked me using her body and prevented me to leave but I've had enough I pushed her away from me and pushed her on to the bed, BUT I didnt hit her at all. I grabbed my stuff and straight up left the house, it was my first time doing this and she still haven't texted me, can I get some opinion and tips on what I should do?

This is a bit of a long one so buckle up. TLDR at the bottom.
My partner and I have been together for 7 years, have lived together for 3 years, and are engaged. In short, we absolutely adore each other, and we are not looking to break up over this. This whole post was written together. However, pretty much the only source of friction between us is household chores, and we feel like we’re going a bit mad. For a bit of background, I am diagnosed autistic with a PDA profile (relevant, I promise), and work as a PhD student, although I am currently taking compassionate leave. My partner works in IT. My mum has recently passed, leaving us to take in my disabled brother. I absolutely adored my mum, but she was a hoarder, around a level 3-4 on the hoarding scale and so I grew up in what were basically unsanitary conditions (cleaning out the house after she passed was not a fun task). In contrast, his mum is very hygienic, cleaning the house daily and deep cleaning regularly, and works part time, giving her time and energy to look after the house. She has her own tendencies towards clutter though, often bringing things home from charity shops, although usually for other people.
Our current situation: We have tried many different methods for divvying up household chores, but each one has failed for one reason or another.
His Perspective: “I feel like I do more than 50% of the current share of work, which I feel is unfair. I am willing to put myself through more stress in a day, which enables me to get more done. That’s my benchmark for what people are capable of when at home, and so that’s my standard for her. This currently translates to me doing the washing up and putting away dry dishes, straightening things out and preparing myself for the next day, having a shower, picking out clothes, making lunch etc. I also make mental notes of things that need doing that I can’t currently do, and ask her to do them the next day. If they don’t get done then I will do them at the weekend. I also keep track of things to do with her brother, e.g. what he needs to do to look after himself, what he needs to learn before it’s safe for him to live independently, and so on. I also make sure she looks after herself, as her mental health is not always the best, so I prompt her to take showers by asking when she last had one.” (My note: I absolutely do not go around being smelly outside the house, but I will admit that if I don’t leave the house for several days in a row then I will sometimes forget to shower.)
My perspective: I don’t feel like he does more than 55% of the work at most. Currently I do all the administrative overhead and managing bills for the house, all the cooking, shopping for food, making shopping lists for the week, and doing the meal plan for the week, although I do ask for input from both him and my brother so that I’m making food we all like to eat. In return he has sole charge of the washing up, because I absolutely hate it. The mix of too-hot water, soap, food grease, and food bits in the water makes my skin crawl. This does work well for us, but he sees this as 50-50 because he doesn’t like washing up either, just not as much as I do. However, I feel like this is more work in my favour, as cooking takes longer, as does shopping and planning. Tom also feels like I should pick up more chores during the day, such as laundry and generally keeping the house tidy. He doesn’t think that the time he has after work can be used efficiently to do chores (apart from washing up) every day, as laundry is better done in the morning so the clothes can dry outside, whereas I am currently on compassionate leave and therefore have the time during the day. He also has diagnosed depression and his mental health issues, so we both sometimes struggle to give our 100%. However I feel expecting me to do more during the day is unfair when we contribute to the household finances equally. He often reminds me to do things by messaging me in the morning when he’s at work, such as putting the laundry on, giving the bathroom or kitchen a clean, taking the bins out, etc. because he knows I won't otherwise be busy. I am also completely in charge of all the administration with my brother. I talk to social services, doctors, manage his money, I am helping him get a job and we are getting him ready to move into his own supported living. I love my brother but there is a lot of work that goes into looking after him.
Here is where the PDA comes in. I hate people telling me what to do. I can just about manage it with things like my PhD supervisor, and work bosses, but from people who I see as equal, e.g. my partner, it instantly puts me on the defensive and gets my back up. As soon as someone tells me to do something, all motivation to do that thing, even if I want to do it, or was going to do it, just disappears. To be clear, this is not something I particularly like about myself, and I do try really hard not to do it, but it’s a slow work in progress. My partner's prompting and reminding me to do things makes me feel like he doesn’t see me as capable, so I tend to dig my feet in. But then, whatever he wanted me to do doesn’t get done, and so from his POV he is justified in reminding me, because otherwise I wouldn’t do it. (I maintain that this isn’t true and he just needs to leave me to do my own thing, and I will get round to it in time. However, I will admit that I am inconsistent. I've lost a lot of people over the last 7 years, had a lot of uni stress, been diagnosed with autism, and also have depression on top of it all. I am currently in therapy and this is helping, but I can still be inconsistent with chores).
What we have tried: We sit down and talk about this pretty much every 6 months when we’ve hit a breaking point. When I say it is the only source of conflict in our relationship, it genuinely is aside from normal relationship spats. We’ve tried using a rota, so that one of us does a chore one week, and the other does the same chore next week. This failed because I would not always do the things on my rota (mostly the washing up), and so Tom would feel that I’m not doing my fair share, and he would stop putting effort in, leading to a vicious cycle. It was also difficult to track whose turn it was to do what. We’ve tried using an app called Sweepy, that monitors chores, how long it has been since a chore was done, offers reminders and visual stimulus on completion (bars going from red to green). This failed because we struggled to remember to use the app and it wasn't effective for him and the way he functions, the app was more for my benefit but it requires both people using it to be effective. He did give it a go, but felt like he was using it more than me and therefore stopped using it himself. We’ve tried what we call “picking things up as we see them”, this failed because he has low object permanence, and doesn't clock things that need doing when he's not in "tidy up mode" so I would get frustrated. We also notice different things and prioritise different things, leading to each feeling like we were doing more than the other, because they were doing more of the things they noticed. We’ve tried writing tasks/reminders on a blackboard. I liked this one when it worked because it took the demand out of a task, but for him it turned into part of the furniture and he would forget to use it or look at it.
Currently: He leaves me to do things during the week at my own pace, but he still gives regular reminders, and then if it's not done, he will A. Remind me B. Do it at the weekend C. Get annoyed (last resort) We also divvy up tasks differently, trying to focus on me taking on more mental load as I have more capacity for this during the week, e.g. meal planning, cooking, shopping lists, finances, etc. and him doing the washing up. My brother being here has actually helped as he takes on some of the chores as he learns to do them, e.g. hoovering, cleaning cat trays, his own laundry, etc. This is currently working the best, although there are still rubbing points. Mostly because I still don't like him telling me what to do, feel like he doesn't contribute as much during the week, and he feels like I don't contribute as much overall, and this won't necessarily work when I go back off compassionate leave, when we have kids, or when my brother moves out.
TLDR; We need to find a way to divvy up household responsibilities in a way that feels fair to both, doesn't rely on him telling me what to do (or helps me to deal with this), and is sustainable for life changes along the way. There have been aspects of each thing that we’ve tried that has worked, but none of them have been perfect for us, and we don’t know how to combine them in a way that does work for us.

Il Était Un Bois (which translates as ‘A Tale of Wood’) is the latest release from venerable niche brand, L’Artisan Parfumeur.
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It’s fair to say that, since their acquisition by Puig in 2015, L’Artisan’s catalogue has undergone significant revision. A lot of its most well-regarded (if not best selling) perfumes have been discontinued and the newer releases, while often well composed, perhaps don’t generate as much of an emotional response as their forbearers. Compares the likes of Voleur de Roses, Dzongkha and Passage D’Enfer (all, thankfully, still available) to the more recent Memoire de Roses, Un air de Bretagne and Couleur Vanille and you’ll see what I mean.
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Still, L’Artisan are still capable of producing some interesting pieces of work and last year’s nostalgic peach scent, A Fleur de Peche, in particular, stirred something within.
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What then of Il Était Un Bois? The marketing brief states that:
The perfume explores all the different facets of the woods in an unexpected harmony. Discover its warm notes of vetiver, sweet buckwheat and cedar
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As a description, this did ring some alarm bells with me - how could a perfume that contained just three accords, only one of which was actually a wood, cover all the different facets of the material? Well, the answer, which was swiftly discovered upon smelling, was that it couldn’t. Obviously.
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This perfume isn’t a tale of wood - it’s a tale of vetiver and, yes, buckwheat. Given that, the fact that L’Artisan also sought to try and connect the perfume thematically to previous release Merchant Loup (which played with the concept of an enchanted forest) is curious at best.
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At this point, however, I will park my criticism because, if you ignore the spiel and focus on the scent, what you actually have a is a very pleasant unisex vetiver. Actually, the description for this one should have read ‘what if someone combined Lalique’s Encre Noire with a cereal bar?’ (I expect a call from L’Artisan’s marketing team after this published).
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Damned by faint praise, you might think, but the thing is, Encre Noire, whilst being an excellent take on vetiver, was almost so heavy on me that it practically put a black cloud above my head. I was just one of those people who, as much as I would have liked, couldn’t get it to work on me, and I often wondered how the composition could be reinterpreted for individuals who wanted a bit more radiance from their fragrance. It’s possible perfumer Caroline Dumur might have been working on the same conundrum…and I suppose the fact that she cracked it goes to show why she’ has a job in the industry, and I’m just someone writing about fragrance!
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The buckwheat incorporated along with the vetiver accord brings to mind a sweet powdered flour, and this has the effect of pulling the base notes up by their bootstraps and making the whole composition sing. In short, ‘Black Ink’ is transformed in to ‘White Chalk’ (perhaps the fragrance should have been named ‘Craie Blanche’?). The only downside is that, like Encre Noire, Il Était Un Bois is a relatively linear scent, but its performance is, I am pleased to say, exceptional.
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The elephant in the room in comparing these two fragrances is that you can pick up a bottle of Encre Noire for around £20, whereas the L’Artisan release has an RRP of £170 for 100ml, which is, frankly, obscene if not unusual nowadays. I have no mitigating comments in this regard, except to say that Chanel’s Sycomore, which is another more refined take on the Lalique retails at £210 for just 75ml, and it doesn’t perform as well as this release. To some, that will be cold comfort, but if you want a top notch vetiver and don’t mind paying the money, this might be the choice for you.

I believe lots of people have written about this, but here's my two cents and I'd be glad if you shared your opinions too.
I don't know what to say to completely capture how I feel about this. I really wanted to love the show until the very end and perhaps I even managed to do so until the last episode ruined it all.
Even though the show ruined a lot of characters and had some illogical writing past season 4, it was fairly entertaining. It helped me overlook stuff like Daenerys killing Tarly even though he fought for Targaryens before or Highgarden falling within hours even though they were full on supplies and Lannister army had no siege equipment. Despite these shortcomings and details, the show did keep its overall story consistency.
Even the first half of the last episode was decent for me, but I really couldn't fathom nonsense that came afterwards. Daenerys going mad was done a bit too fast, but nonetheless I did like her character transformation and how it was basically shown that from the moment she became Khaleesi, she got the taste of power she never wanted to let go and to justify this, she fed her ego about being the last heir to Targaryen dynasty, breaker of chains, liberator, mother of dragons etc. The moment it was revealed that Jon was actually the real heir, she started showing her true nature and how she basically didn't care about what's right when it didn't fit her own narrative. This was greatly portrayed in the scene with the bells, where she feels justified about burning down the city thinking that Lannister army won't surrender, yet when the bells rang signaling the surrender, she got upset, because again, it didn't fit her narrative about being merciful and she proceeded to reveal her true nature by burning down the city nonetheless. I believe this storyline had a potential to be mind blowing, but it was still decent.
Now at this point, I have accidentally ran into a spoiler that Jon will leave for the North. I thought, well, people will find out about him being the true heir but he won't be able to forgive himself for taking part in the destruction of King's Landing despite not being responsible at all and he'll go to the North to live with the Free Folk, isolating himself forever, or something along those lines. But then, he kills Daenerys, gets himself captured by the Unsullied and the show in a matter of seconds fast forwards few weeks ahead without any explanation, where the coucil of lords discuss what is to happen with Tyrion and Jon. This is where things started to make no sense. Daenerys was killed and her army arrested Jon, which would make the Grey Worm, as head of the military, the acting temporary King since he holds the effective power. The most obvious development here would be lords either siding with the Grey Worm in the cause of revenge for Daenerys and preserving her legacy or siding with the Starks and fighting to put Jon on the throne. Yet all of them are somehow chill about it? Yara makes a single remark, but nothing of significance. This is especially crazy considering how strong army of Daenerys consisting of Dothraki and Unsullied is, as if they'd just allow their Queen to get killed and then just leave. She may have turned mad, but she freed the Unsullied and led the Dothraki to spoils of war.
Bran seemingly gets randomly selected as king and for me personally it felt flat. However, this moment was the final nail in the coffin. Jon gets sent to the Wall? Like what? What Wall? There are no undead, the Free Folk have been allied, but even if they were not, there were too few of them at the end to do anything. Seriously, what is the point of the Wall now, being sent to patrol until you die for no reason?
All in all, pretty disappointing finale, with some good moments, so just for the sake of the earlier seasons, I'd say that I've had mixed feelings. Shame that the last episode of season 4 was the last time I was mind blown about this show.

The year is 2024, and things are not looking good for the Democrats.
Joe Biden is constantly plagued by infighting within his ranks. The Democratic Party, in addition to being hamstrung by institutions that are by nature biased towards conservatives, like the innate design of the Senate, and the conservative makeup of the Supreme Court, are constantly struggling with infighting by the purist far-left, and the impotent center. On one side, they are dealing with an increasingly irrational “far-left” that refuses to the see the bigger picture of defeating Trump, as well as dealing with a middling center that frequently resorts to “both-sideism” and shrugs their shoulders instead of calling out the clear threat of Republican rule. On top of that, the Democrats have been OBSESSED with decorum, following the rules, ALWAYS compromising, and holding their members to higher standards as Republicans refuse to do so. Do you see the Republicans compromising? Following norms? Nope. The Republican apparatus, from Mitch McConnell to the fringes of the Freedom Caucus, are constantly moving in lockstep, pushing their right-wing vision through the finish line. Some, like political scientist David Faris, argue that Democrats must realize that "It's Time to Fight Dirty", after years of pussyfooting around, finally, at long last? It's as the old saying goes, “Democrats fall in love, Republicans fall in line”. It’s a situation worthy of a Greek Tragedy….
….Or is it?
Because if you speak to the average Republican voter, they will absolutely not agree with what I wrote above. Rather, it is the Democrats who are enacting win after win, and getting their left-wing agenda through their finish line while the middling Republicans trip over their shoelaces. Left-wing activists, like Antonio Gramsci, have conducted a Long March Through The Institutions, like a nation proudly marching through the battlefield and conquering their enemies. The liberals control everything.The culture. The education system. The legal system. The youth. Republicans have lost the Culture War, a war that men like Chris Rufo argue that the Right barely even attempted to fight as the Radical Left had their eyes on the ball, onwards through the battlefield. Marching on. The Left has always possessed a machiavellian spirit, and an ironclad grip on every avenue that we as Americans hold dear. Men like Jon Askonas, looking at the rubble of conservatism, ponder "Why Conservatism Failed". That’s how much the Left has won! The ideology of Conservatism itself is DEAD! Meanwhile, the conservative movement, or shall I say, Conservatism Inc., is obsessed with maintaining tired platitudes about “small government” and “low taxes” as Democrats are focused on controlling every inch of the American body. Conservatives aren’t winning, they are impotently flailing. Pathetic.
Does that really make sense? Are both the political right and the political left united in lockstep, but weak and plagued with endless infighting? Can both sides be obsessed with playing the rules and compromising, but also be steadfastly seizing control of all major institutions?
A lot of the above is me rambling, but I believe this ties back to what Gallup has reported recently, as “most Americans (71%) say that, on the issues that matter to them, their side in politics has been losing more often than winning. Just a quarter say their side has been winning more often than losing.” The article also mentions that this varies based on which party is in power, and is right now "eight-in-ten Republicans and Republican-leaning independents (83%)" as well as "six-in-ten Democrats and Democratic leaners (62%)". But this a sentiment I have noticed the past several years. Dare I say, “Both sides”, having identical complaints about their political allies.
Republican voters complain that their side is obsessed with following norms, espousing platitudes, and playing by the Democrats' rules, while the Democrats are motivated and pressing forward with their left-wing agenda.
Democratic voters complain that their side is obsessed with following norms, espousing platitudes, and playing by the Republicans’ rules, while the Republicans are motivated and pressing forward with their right-wing agenda.
Our side is obsessed with compromise. Their side never compromises.
Our side is obsessed with preserving “muh norms”. Their side couldn’t give a shit about norms.
Our side is constantly held to a higher standard. Their side is constantly treated with kid gloves.
Our side is fighting with a knife. Their side is fighting with a gun.
Our side always holds ourselves accountable. Their side never holds themselves accountable.
Now, I am someone who leans more on the political left (especially the economic left), but this is a sentiment I see expressed by a lot of Republican and Democratic voters, who both feel like they are the unfairly maligned underdog.
The staticy of our current federalist, two party, FPTP system creates a significant amount of deadlock, especially as the two parties realign on class, geographic, and educational lines. Landslide elections are becoming less and less common. Neither Republicans nor Democrats seem to have the ability to break through landslide sweeps and reshape the country with a governing mandate, instead dealing with gridlock and incrementalism that is inherent to the American experiment.
I believe this situation leads to both groups of voters turning back to a comforting narrative of how their side is effectively persecuted by various forces. How their side is always held to a higher standard compared to the opposition. How they have been plagued historically by infighting and a fetish for norms and holding your pinky up.
Now, I’m not giving my opinions on which side is correct. Democrats are at a disadvantage in the Senate (I think that is partially due to Democrats bleeding away rural votes over decades). Republicans are at a disadvantage in mainstream culture (I think that is due to an incompatibility with social conservatism and capitalism, but that’s another discussion for another day).
I am simply stating that I have observed this exact same sentiment among both Republican and Democratic voters/pundits. Whether it’s left-leaning internet forums, or conservative talk radio, I see and hear the exact same lines, but flip a few words. How our side is impotent, infighting, and constantly snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, unlike our enemies. Republicans and Democrats, faced with years or decades of painful incrementalism, at best, resort back to the same narrative. Our side is weak and divided, their side is strong and united.

Is my 17 yo son a lost cause? My husband and I have 3 kids, 17M/17F, and 9F. My son has always been the type that has lied and steals. Even when he was little. We tried bribing, timeouts, quality time, you name it. He has a really bad tendency of gaslighting people, while looking at them in their eyes, stealing his sisters money. 4 years ago, he stole the keys to my husband's gun safe and my husband had to get physical with him in order for the keys to magically reappear.
He is very respectful when home but acts a complete fool when out and about. He gets into trouble and blames other people. I have suggested therapy but my husband believes that there's no use and he'll just lie to the therapist, Ido agree with him but I feel like this is our last resort. He goes off on girls and won't say anything to boys because he's afraid that they will beat him up. My husband had told him that he's a coward and is very disappointed in him.
He recently broke into a school and recorded himself with 2 other kids and they got caught. He has been trying to meet people off of snapchat to have sex withamd has been speaking to this "lady in her 40s" and was going to have this last get him from the police.... she's a completely different race!!! When asked about him making the video in the school, he vehemently denied it until it showed his face.
He is my stepson and I have been raising him since he was 1.5 years old. His maternal biological side is into drugs and do the same thing that he does. Is this a situation of nature vs nurture?
My husband has full custody and he doesn't know his maternal side but idk. My husband is asking what went wrong. My husband tried to play video games, movies, anime, quality time, you name it and he never seemed to care. He's on the wrestling team and he would never want us to come to his meets but then he spins it and says that we don't come, even though he doesn't want us to. He has been trespassed from his previous job for an altercation with a girl and being disrespectful and he still went back like nothing could happen to him we are always coming to smooth things out for him.
We have always done family night and have open communication to where they express their feelings but he says everything is fine. They have all been given the same opportunities and experiences and love. For example, I told both him and his sister that if they saved their money and said that they wanted to purchase a car, they could. My daughter is has her permit asks to drive everyday with their dad, and has the money for a car. My son no longer has a job but still has money. Instead of trying to purchase a car, he has spent $1000s on TV, video game consoles, and food. He has his permit but doesn't ask to drive. When I brought up the car, he said if his sister get a car before him, it would show favoritism and it wouldn't be fair.
This is all over the place and I apoligize but hes done so many things that its hard to put them all in here. He get cuddles, hugs, and kisses just like the girls but goes againist everything we say. What should we do?
He's super smart and could have been in advanced classes but decided not to. I'm just sadded to see him choose this path. Suggestions?

Been depressed n alone for the last 7 years , been tryna hold it down not tell anyone cause im not the attention type and everyone got they own plate to worry about but its frequently becoming harder to deal with . Ive seen relationships around me evolve and crumble over the dumbest things thinkin to myself couldnt be me yet , i struggle to even get one.
People say work on yourself and everything will aline itself and im not complaining but i got a good head on my shoulders, easy to talk to , protective when needed , great job , great hygiene . Still cant get a partner. Im a grown man not tryna sound like im cryin or nun .Im aware lifes unfair and you must get up before you get stepped on and keep pushing but even when you do all the right things it feels like youll never be loved or valued its just business transactions . It feels like the wrong people are being blessed and im the goofy who thinks theres “still hope”. Not even a negative person i hate negativity but i became home to it .
Working construction bustin my ash allday to come home to a empty house hurts more than anything and ive been hit up😂😂
Im aware i dont wanna die i just want this version of me to but idk what else to do or improve . Let me be clear its not just sex , its having a best friend there , someone to hug , kiss , talk to , everything you see with everyday normal people do.And im over here gotta have a coach talk everyday telling myself “its ok bro soon youre doing good “ man id rather low my head off than be the clown that tries and never succeeds idk tho thats just me.
Any suggestions?

I have been broken up with my ex for about 3 years. We started dating in high school and were together for about 3 years before he broke up with me. He was my first love, first everything and so I took the breakup pretty hard. We still would hook up during that summer that we were broken up (honestly in hopes that we would get back together) until about November. During my breakup I started hanging out with my old high school friend group and started getting close with one of the guys in the group that I’ve known since forever. I never knew he had any feelings for me but once he realized I was single things progressed pretty fast and I felt like I was in falling in love with him. At the end of December we became official and I was very happy. This relationship was very different from my first - I went from being the chaser to being chased and it felt good to be with someone who felt so strongly for me. Once my ex found out I was seeing someone else, he completely changed tune and decided he wanted to get back together. As hard as it was for me I told him it was too late and that was that. He moved away for about a year and I stayed back home. Although he eventually did return, I never ran into him or saw him for the entire three years that I was dating my current bf. Fast forward to a couple months ago, I was out with some girl friends when he comes up to my group to say hi. I felt my heart drop to my stomach, i was in shock, spiraling, feeling guilty, a ton of emotions. He was very friendly and just wanted to catch up but I felt like I was so caught off guard at the moment that I I didn’t really have much to say. It ended like that and I didn’t see him again until last night. My friend was graduating and she invited him to her party. I knew he was coming so I mentally prepared myself for seeing him. I also brought my bf with me so I felt a little more safe. Once we got there we said the awkward two second hello and I went to be with my friends and he was with his. There was even a moment that my bf and my ex were talking to eachother for about an hour. A seemingly friendly conversation where according to my bf they were telling eachother that they don’t have any bad feelings for one another, that it should be normal seeing eachother, that my current bf never tried anything while I was with my ex for all those years (Which is true). I on the other hand felt very anxious the whole night, felt like I was looking over to him the whole time, just felt a ball in my stomach and I don’t really know why. I really couldn’t sleep and dreamt about my bf and my ex last night. I woke up this morning feeling anxious too about these emotions I’m feeling. Which I can’t really describe. I love my bf so much. He’s been an amazing partner to me. And after being with him, I realize now that my ex was right - as much as we loved eachother, we weren’t compatible. Or maybe we were too young to be in such a serious relationship. Either way, we didn’t work. And when you are with someone where everything is easy, you can tell the difference. But obviously every relationship is different and things I have in this one, I didn’t have in the previous and vice versa. sometimes I find myself comparing certain things but I also feel that’s natural when you’ve had two big loves in your life. I guess what I want to ask is if it is normal to have these feelings after being broken up with for so long and being with someone else for so long. I try to get advice from my friends, but no one has ever really been in the situation I’ve been. Some say it’s completely normal and some say its not - that there is a deeper meaning to it. Hoping someone out there has experienced this and can help :(

I 22(F) maybe autistic. I am from india and its very rare to speak about topic such as mental health here.They will straight up think you're suci- dal and hate you for thinking about it.
Anyways, the thing is i am, has and always have been hyper fixated with things.Like mosquitoes biting me at night which makes me very very very upset for god knows what , broken hair strands touching my hand or leg when i try to sleep makes me very very angry enough that I can't sleep for several hours, thinking about why a friend did me dirty or an ex , my question has always been ' maybe its because I can't understand emotions properly they are like this to me and i sort of get it because they probably are struggling too ' but all the time thats not the case.They act out on me , i get upset they get distant and now i get very guilty cause they would not explain why even if i reach out to ask politely.
I have been hyper fixated on my flaws for past 2 yrs because of a breakup. It wasn't a long term relationship just few months but it was the first time i was in a relationship, they randomly broke it off and this left me vulnerable and extremely confused.
I am still sort of fixated on this topic and i journal so not to speak of it because my friends have told me to shut up and move on from it, but its hard idk why.
I am fine moving on , staying single, being with someone else , but it could be a subconscious thing , i saw them in my dreams , which makes me remember again and spiral me out.
I rarely change my daily routine... One time something creepy happened to me in my place and my friend offered me to come to their place so i can stay for the night and my thought was ' How can i sleep on that mattress its not my mattress'. I said thank you but declined it.
I can't use public toilets unless there are very clean and barely any people , in recent years i have gotten better at using public toilet , before i used to hold it in all day which i know is not good.
I have trouble making eye contact. This has given me a big phobia, 'fear of being seen'. It has affected me a lot socially, i have been better these days but sometimes i would go back to square one.
I feel everybody looks at me when i walk on the road , and when i am like nah they do be looking, but like makes me wonder why am i even scared its just eye contact, then they do prolonged threatening eye contact which is very scary.
I cover my room with black out curtains so nobody can peep me from outside. This stresses me a lot like what if i am sleeping or using my phone in the chare then i see faces in my window oof.Nothing has happened like that but i had privacy issues as a child because i lived in a very cramped room with my parents.
I don't understand emotions and how tp comfort people like at all. I rather cry alone than in front of people and this makes me think why they cry with people and they comfort them with hugs and and words and sometimes i want that too but like how ... I get upset when someone sees me cry lol.
I do think i have sensory issues too.Some noises are not it for me like loud noises like crackers and the type of noises which are immediate and i have not expected it to happen like a steel pipe clanking on the floor or chalk screech.
I imitate people around me to make them comfortable and wonder why they never do that to make me comfortable. I also find it very hard concerntrating at class because the teacher keeps on making eye contact.
I get depressed once in a while and that depression makes me upset and gets me more depressed and i cant reach out because they never understand me , they just think i should understand their struggle not mine.
I was lowkey joking when i thought i had autism few hrs ago tbh i didn't even know what were the signs of autism. As a child when i used to get upset i used to stop talking, close the door and not talk for hours. Even now i need to "charge" my battery and not talk to anyone or meet anyone once i am back from college.
I did an AQ test from several different legit sources online and they said i am highhh on autistic spectrum and i should go to a therapist or something....
I do agree but I don't have the money for it yet and i don't know where to go .... So for now i am satisfied with the " maybe"
Any advice or suggestions? Do yall think i am autistic?

We were friends since the age of 15, I still remember how we met and we ended up becoming best friends. We used to hangout all the time growing up, we would party, get high, get drunk, we were roommates too. Around 2013 when I moved, got a good job, we made plans to move to a different state, save up a good amount of money. A year later you ended up finding love and tossed all the plans aside which I of course was bitter about. I got over it though and ended up meeting the love of my life the beginning 2015. Funny thing was it was your woman's best friend.
From all the things that have happened, 2020 started and you changed, it wasn't too bad but what got me is that you would tell your Coworkers about all my faults, about how I was dark and depressing. Which okay, I had my issues I was going through a tough time battling alcoholism, substance abuse yet my love still stuck around to help me through all that. You continued to remain embarrassed of me and refused to introduce me to your "friends" you know, the coworkers who put you down for the things you enjoy, the ones who will not give you the time of day outside of work yet you still praised them more than me and would put me down.
You would always place the blame on me for when we would drink together, finishing two bottles and you'd still get more and say it was my fault when bad shit would go down. Too much of a coward to admit we enabled each other. I honestly feel like you enabled me to continue drinking to hold myself back and you knew how bad I was getting. I knew I wanted out but i still stuck around and you'd feel good about me being the lower friend. Come the end of 2023 I ended up moving to start a life 3 cities away with my wife, I went sober and started hitting the gym, my health was improving, both mental and physical. 2024 starts and I was out of a job for about a month.
THIS IS WHERE IT ALL HAPPENS
My wife started a job at a great place, making good money, good benefits and started making friends back in August 2023, I still continued talking to you but you started becoming indifferent to the changes in my life. You didn't get how I stayed consistent with the gym, you didn't get how I watched my diet, you would pick all that up and get discouraged a week later because changes wouldn't happen or you're just too stubborn to understand discipline and you remain a fat shit always wondering why you're the way you are. I never brought any of that up though, I did my best to support you making better changes for your health.
Seeing how my wife life has improved from where she works I wanted in too. So I kept going to her workplace, talking to them, I even started making friends with her friends and guess what? They like me for me, they respect me and support my way of life. Around 4 days before we decided to hangout with those friends you decided to end the friendship with me, you broke my fucking heart man. So I said fuck you, and ghosted your dumbass completely. I even blocked your number, I don't want anything to do with your fucked up self anymore. I was sad for a week but the healing began and we hung out with these new friends and I love them. They love us.
Next thing you know I got an interview at my wife's workplace and got hired on the spot, we work in different departments so it isn't weird. We hung out with our new found friends again last night and we had some good laughs, no alcohol involved, just talking and shooting the shit. It was a good time, something we never experienced hanging around you because you always wanted to watch dumb shit on YouTube, talk shit about depressed people, have awful opinions on people who didn't want kids, and just drink the night away.
NSFW I hated the way you were transphobic, homophobic racist, classist, an animal abuser and to this day I still question if you SAd that drunk girl 13 years ago. Sadly, I have no definite proof so I can't turn you in for it. But I know that if you did? you have to live with that shit and I hope one day it catches up with you. I would question you about that occasionally and you would get really defensive and angry about it saying you didn't do anything. Being drunk isn't an excuse either if you did commit that crime. It still bothers me to this day but going no contact with you was necessary.
I resent you, I really really do. You held me back, you kept me around so you can feel better about yourself. You have a lot of ugly secrets hidden that not even I know of,, and honestly? Your wife deserves a lot better. She's a good person and it's a shame she's blinded by your lies. You even lied to her saying I stole your GFS in the past! You lied to my wife about things that never happened, just to make me look like a jerk and cover up your guilt.
I hate you for what you've become.
I am so happy I have met these new friends, they are good people and encourage me and my wife to move up in our lives. We only known them for a short time and we all have a much deeper connection than me and you had the last 15 years.
I send my good graces to your wife and pray one day she opens her eyes and puts you in the trash where you belong.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this down. I guess because this feeling is really overwhelming and everytime I try to talk about it with someone, I feel like they don’t understand and think that this is me finally “getting over” being aromantic. I would love to hear from other aromantic people about this. If anyone could relate, it might make me feel less alone.
I’ve identified as aromantic pretty much since I heard the term in 2017, when I was 17. I watched my peers falling in and out of love and honestly thought that romance was a “bit” that everyone was doing. Like, “oh, yeah, I’m in ‘love’ with this person and I want to spend every moment with them in a ‘special’ way” and I’m like “yeah, I have great friends I feel that way for.” So it was honestly pretty shocking to me that people felt a distinction between romance and friendship.
I’ve been trying to understand that difference for so long. “Is this a crush or do I just really want to be this person’s friend?” “Do I want to have sex with him because I’m in love or do I just think he’s hot?” “Does this separation hurt so much because they were my best friend or is it like all the break up songs and I just never realized that I was actually in love?”
People would try to explain the difference to me - some would even say there was no difference. I saw the difference in others but never in myself. I would occasionally get “crushes” on people. Something would happen and I’d look at the person in a new light. And I’d think “oh, this is it. This is the romance people are talking about.” And I’d romanticize the shit out of the entire thing and really convince myself I was in love. But then, one thing or another would happen - normally I’d take the first few steps towards actually dating. And then I’d be hit with the reality of being in a romantic relationship and feel this disgust. The romantic feelings would disappear completely - so much so I’d think it must have been momentary insanity. Or that I had forced it somehow. And I’d continue on thinking I was incapable of romance until it would happen again.
Well, it’s happening again. And I’ve grown enough as a person and become secure enough in my identity to consider myself the type of aromantic who can get crushes but still has no wish to be in a romantic relationship. It doesn’t happen often, but I don’t personally freak out when it does. Or, at least, not as much as I used to.
Because right now, I’m on about day four of a really intense crush. I’ll call this person Sam. Sam and I have been friends on and off for about five years. We recently reconnected after a long period of time where I genuinely thought our friendship had no hope of recovery. And it means so much to me that we were able to reconnect.
I was talking to another friend, I’ll call her Lydia, about Sam. We’re both in our mid twenties now and were talking about our possible futures and how we were now facing all the things we’d been putting off until we were “older.” I got to talking about Sam and realized that I genuinely could see the two of us moving in together, getting married, and even having a family. Not immediately, of course, but I had never considered that a possibility for me, but thinking of Sam, I was like “shit, yeah, we could actually do that.”
After talking a bit more about it with Lydia, I was like “oh, I think I might have some romantic feelings for Sam.” And Lydia just laughed. She said that we were both hopelessly in love with each other and just didn’t realize it. Like we were the last to know about it. I see where she’s coming from, but I don’t think Sam has romantic feelings for me. Sam doesn’t identify as aromantic, but we had just been talking the night before all this about how neither of us want to be in a romantic relationship right now. We were both talking about how we wanted a QPR. I almost asked if they’d want to be in a QPR with me, but I thought it was too soon since we just reconnected.
Anyways, that’s where it started. And now I’m full-on crush mode. I literally go to bed and wake up thinking about Sam, like it’s actually embarrassing. To everyone else in my life, they look and me and they look at Sam and they’re like “why are these two idiots who are clearly in love not together?” I try to explain that for me, crushes come and go and I know that if I dated Sam the feeling would disappear. But they say that I’m just giving up on the idea of a relationship before it even begins. Or that I’m clinging onto the idea of being aromantic too much and should give romance a shot.
Especially since I still just want to be in a QPR with Sam. And no one I talk to gets it. They’re like ‘’If you like Sam romantically, why would you want to be in a QPR? Like, platonic is in the name.” But I really don’t want to date Sam in any sort of romantic way. Why? Because we literally dated once before! That’s what’s so embarrassing about this whole thing is that I’ve done this exact same song and dance with Sam before.
About a year into our relationship, I got it in my head that I was in love with Sam. I asked Sam out, and they said yes, so we started dating. It was the longest relationship I’ve ever had and it lasted about two weeks. Because as soon as we were dating, I was like “shit, I actually don’t want to do this.” So I know full well that if I asked out Sam now and we started dating, the crush would be gone.
But again, no one in my life seems to get this. They think that Sam and I are a match made in heaven. People think they’re being helpful by encouraging me to “confess my feelings” for Sam but I can’t imagine a more embarrassing thing to do. It would make Sam feel awkward and me feel awkward and it would kill the romance. But, again, people say I’m just giving up on the relationship. They think it’s worth risking my friendship with Sam for this sacred fucking “romance.” And I hate it!! It makes me feel like no one understands that I am still aromantic! Having these feelings doesn’t mean I’m suddenly “fixed” and can do the whole romance thing. I’m still an aromantic person and I value my friendship with Sam more than I value romance. So I’m not going to confess to Sam. I’m going to continue to build back our friendship, ask Sam if they’d be interested in being in a QPR with me, and go on from there. I’m sure the crush will fade, but even if it doesn’t, I’d rather be “secretly in love” with Sam forever than fuck it up with romance.
Has anyone else been in this situation? I’d love some support.

Throwaway
I (M19) have been friends with this guy I'll call Eric (M20) for the past 2 years. We met in the fall of 2022 since we were in the same dorm at uni. Eric's is great and most people like him. Back around February/March of 2023, he started a relationship with a girl called Mia (F19). Now Mia seemed off to myself and some of my other friends, she gave off emo vibes and just seemed like a really sarcastic and rather condescending person. She didn't like us to say the least, and for whatever reason disliked me the most.
Eric would later tell us that Mia had a lot of trauma since her dad was abusive towards her and her mother and her last bf was also abusive. Because of all this, she was getting a lot of mental health treatment throughout her teen years. This was kinda an eye-opener for me and I felt terrible about judging her, so I was always very nice to her from that point onwards.
Around November of last year, Mia started seeing this other guy in our year I'll call Martin (M19). She and Eric were fighting a lot around this time and I guess she wanted out. Now Martin doesn't have a great rep at our school. His parents are very wealthy, i.e., they make enough money to cover his whole tuition in just a few days of working. He lives in a luxury apartment his parents own off-campus and drives an AMG to class every day. I'm sure you get the idea. Because of this, he's spoiled rotten and goes through girls quickly.
When Mia started a relationship with Martin in December, he became abusive pretty quickly and at some point made her call Eric crying. Eric was furious about this and one thing led to another, and Eric ended up getting jumped and beaten pretty badly by some of Martin's friends. Mia would then kinda of yo-yo herself between relationships with Eric for a short time, and then some other guys. I guess you could say she's the kinda of person who always needs to be in a relationship, which according to Eric is a result of her abusive father.
About a month ago, Mia went back to Martin after her relationship with one rando fell apart. A few days ago she called Eric again crying because Martin had made her upset or something. According to Eric, he also abandoned her downtown at 2 am a few days before that.
Eric is very stressed about this and wants to do something. Though, despite how terrible Mia's situation is, I don't think he can realistically do anything and I told him as much. I told him that for his own sake, I'd recommend he start forgetting about Mia and Martin. This did upset Eric and some of our other friends.
Since Martin has a wealthy family it isn't like involving the police would do anything. He got himself involved in something pretty bad earlier this year and cops were called, but since his parents are rich the entire situation got swept under the rug pretty quickly.
I really don't know what else to tell Eric.
TLDR: My friend's on/off gf has gotten herself involved with abusive rich asshole and now wants my friend to bail her out somehow. Given how rich the guy is, I don't think my friend can do anything so I told him for his own sake to forget about them. He's upset with me now.

First of all I want to say that I really would like to believe. This post is not coming from someone that would like to not believe or hates religion or something. I truly believe Christianity is a good thing in the world and the teachings of Jesus are obviously good. These are all simply questions of its authenticity, not of the values being taught.

1. How can you explain seemingly insane stories like Noah’s Ark? It seems insane to genuinely think that a few guys built a wooden boat thousands of years ago that was able house two of every animal to ever live. On top of that they would need to also pack enough food for all these animals, and finding space for enough food for just 2 elephants would be difficult, let alone that hundreds of thousands or millions of other animals on board. Did the animals just poop and pee on each other the whole trip? How did they keep all the animals around before boarding? Obviously tracking down and catching all these animals would take years at minimum, and then finding a place to keep all these animals without them eating each other or starving to death or just escaping seems unlikely. And what about the insects? How did they catch every species of bug? Did they get them all in a jar? How did they not fly away at any point before boarding the boat?
   
2. If God created Adam and Eve and every other animal at the same time, why are there no accounts of humans interacting with dinosaurs? I would imagine someone would have written something at some time to indicate this, or at least a drawing, and it doesn’t exist. On top of this, how can you explain no dinosaurs existing now, of any kind, and how do you explain the amount of fossils we have found that date them back further than the Bible says the Earth has existed? And how do you explain the amount of fossils we have that shows slow change of species as they evolved and developed of hundreds of thousands and millions of years if they were all created at the same time approximately 6000 years ago?
   
3. Why would God create Satan? You can say that he allows for free will and that is why Satan was allowed to continuing existing, but this doesn’t really follow when there is multiple times in the Bible that God intervened with people’s free will to save people or get what he wants done, so why not get rid of the embodiment of evil? Why allow Satan to interact with Adam and Eve, especially when they were “innocent” and didn’t know any better, and why do we all have to pay for their mistake when God could have prevented it entirely. God obviously knew it was happening considering he is all knowing, so why did he allow it? You could say it was a test for Adam and Eve, but if he knew it would doom all of mankind why would he allow it? He intervened for much less in other parts of the Bible, but not when all of humanity will be cursed due to the actions of 2? And further, why does God allow Satan to have such reign over this world? Why does he allow Satan to control so many parts of this world when he could destroy him at any point he wanted to?
   
4. I don’t think the existence of God answers any real questions about our existence. People say that we are so complex that there is no way there wasn’t a creator and that there is no way we just evolved this way, but doesn’t that bring up more questions than answers? If we are so complex we needed to be created by some higher being, who created God? He is like 10 trillion times more complex than us, and somehow he doesn’t have a creator? And then people would say well God is infinite and he just is and has always existed, but couldn’t I just say that about the universe? And if just by chance God exists and always have, I don’t find it more unlikely that we just happened to evolve by chance to be the way we are.
   

These are not all my questions but I want to keep it relatively short. Thank you for reading and I look forward to reading other perspectives.

So my husband (not married legally yet been together 13 years and just got engaged in April) filed taxes this year , he did so through TurboTax … he filed single head of household claiming our 3 children. Long story short , he was receiving 12 plus grand all together . 2 plus grand round about from state (Connecticut) and the 10 plus grand is from the IRS - we always pay the extra through TurboTax for the whole tax expert experience. Everything was correct, and done perfectly, no mistakes . Our taxes were approved. We were suppose to receive our taxes Feb 22, 2024 . It was received by my bank, but my bank denied it and returned it back to TurboTax who then sent it back to the IRS , due to the IRS imputing my account numbers and putting the account code as a business account (BC) not an individual account (IA). This was a complete error on the IRS. The IRS claimed they never received it back, that when they received it they would change the account code and direct deposit it back to us. Two weeks came and they said they still hadn’t received it. We called TurboTax they said they sent the amount back immediately and gave us a confirmation number. My husband called the IRS back, gave the irs the confirmation number. They were able to find the money and gave my husband a certain confirmation number, said it had to go through a few different departments, that within 6-8 weeks we would receive a paper check. We never did so my husband called back, and apparently now they say they have it, but can’t find the funds absolutely anywhere . That they can’t refund us , if they don’t have the funds. That it will take 12-16 weeks to find out anything more. He reached out to the IRS advocates. Which he did twice and hadn’t heard back. My husband then decided to reach out to our congress woman (Connecticut) for help. Their office could only do so much due to the congress office’s communications being confidential. That they were told the IRS wouldn’t release our income taxes to us till February 22, 2025 now . That my husband needs to find out who his individual tax advocate and reach out to them, so we could get more answers. Which he did , and was told it would take at least 4 weeks to get back to him. We are just kind of at a loss , as we are depending on this money to get a new reliable car (our car is a death trap waiting to happen) so my husband can continue to get to and from work, so we can live. As well as so I am able to go back to work during nights without putting our only source of transportation at risk of breaking down for good. We live an extremely rural area. So this is our only hope right now , or else we would say “oh well we can wait”. Is this even a real thing? What could have happened? Has anyone experienced this? What are the routes we can go and do? I thought the IRS could only hold your funds for auditing purposes . How can the IRS lose our funds within their own system after receiving it . I feel like these long term waits are just bluffs and games they play and you’re forgotten about , and just tactics they use, to keep playing games just because they can. As if you were the ones doing this to them and owed them money , you would have money withheld from your paychecks immediately or they would be raiding your house at 3am like your Americas most wanted. I just feel like we’re getting nowhere (as we are) and there has to be something or someone that can get us there. Thank you all in advance! Any insight, suggestions, help, what we should do is appreciated! We just have been struggling for so long, we were homeless, jobless and car-less and lost absolutely everything due to Covid (our credit is shot as we lived off our credit cards as much as we could during this time as we genuinely didn’t want to take advantages and abusing of all the “support” given during this time) living in such a rural area , we all had to spilt up for 6-8 months and we were able to get our feet back into the ground, and have been putting our lives back together since and getting a car will put our biggest struggles at rest.
Thank you all!

Hi. I'm a 25 year old person and I just wanted a safe space to share something personal that happened to me when I was about 18-19 years old. I could find the date it happened... but doing this would mean going to look through a lot of old memories. It's a good thing and also a bad thing. When it happened, one person new about what really happened and another person thought it was something else completely. I didn't think too much about it when it happened but my body body did in fact remember. I use to get full body tremors something. Like my entire body would get tense and it would force itself to shake off all the tension. Afterwards I would just feel tired. As I have gotten older, I began telling some people close to me. My reaction doesn't change at all all these years later. Sometime I think that it was my fault. Sometimes I think that that person should not have done that and I wasn't my fault. Sometimes I think, in comparison, it wasn't a big deal. But it is regardless. It was just something that happen to me.
Anyway, here is what happened. I'll start with some context first. I was always alone. I didn't really have anyone. All I have was my eldest half sister and her husband and I did almost everything with them (more him than her because she was always working). I started living with them right out of secondary school all the way to university. When I got to university, I got mixed up with a person I shouldn't have and he got very angry with me saying that he tried to guide me to be better since my parents were a waste of time. He would get really mad about it because I would talk about how I was feeling (naivety and all) and he would just say that I was stupid to put it lightly. That was the dynamic of the household at this point in time. Him being stressed about his other life things going on, plus being mad at me (especially since I didn't want to hear good reason, which if he wasn't so mean at that time I might have listened to but honestly I don't think I might have). He would curse some times, be mean, make me feel paranoid about anywhere I was (this paranoia existed before and disappeared when I left home but then came back at a point when I started living with them). I wasn't right in this either, I just kept making mistakes, and they didn't trust me.
Another point of context is that I have always had problems with my body since I was young. For this story, the problem was in my private area (I'm a girl fyi) and there was no one to talk to about it at this time and I always ended up hurt myself. I even have tears on my labia from how much I hurt myself.
So when I started getting an allowance from my parents for university and because I'm an impulsive person as well, decided to go to the doctor. I remembered taking a bus to get to school and seeing a gynecologist office. I've known it was there ever since but I just kept it in the back of my mind for a long time. I was done having all these problems so I just went. It was relatively far walk from where I use to live as well. I can't remember why I didn't take a bus but I didn't. I went in and spoke to the receptionist. She told me that the docter wasn't in office yet and I could wait for him to arrive. So I waited. When I got called into his office I was really really really scared. But I was already stuck being there so I couldn't leave . He asked me if I had a boyfriend. And I told him that I did. He asked if I have sex. (This was my long distance person) I said no. I can't remember all the old things he asked. Afterwards, he told me to go in the back room to do the ultra sound and to take off my pants. So I did. He came in the room and did a check up on my breast (over my clothes) and said then said something along the lines of "I can do the ultra sound on your stomach but I can get a better......" At this point in time, I was on a table with a man with my legs spread and I was alone. I was flustered and didn't really understand what he was telling me but I just agreed. I agreed without thing. Fuck I wished I was thinking. He did whatever he was doing and then insert a probe inside of me. It hurt. It hurt so much and he was just talking like it was a normal thing. To me, I was just trying not too move too much and flinch from the pain I was getting. When he was done, he told me to put my clothes back on and left the room. I went in the bathroom and saw that I was bleeding. I was so startled and scared by this and put on a pad that was there in the room and told him that I was bleeding. I can't remember his reaction but he just said to come sit by the table and said nothing was wrong with me. I asked about things like if my discharge was normal and he said it was fine. He gave me my ultrasound, appointment card and sent me to pay. It took all of my savings to say the least. It was raining when I was walking home. I stopped at a fast food restaurant and waited until the rain stopped. I looked at the ultrasound while I was there and called my friend and showed him. He looked at it and said something along the lines of you don't look pregnant. At some point I made it home and hid away all the things and went on with my day. I can't remember my feelings honestly. I was already going through some other things and this was just one of my many mistakes at that point in my life. Maybe that same day, her husband when looking in my room looking for none existent drugs because he saw charcoal tablets in my room. I didn't do any drugs. Maybe I smoked some weed (once in a blue moon) and smoke cigarettes all because of stress but nothing else. He found the ultrasound and appointment card and called the place. When I got back to the house I remember being confronted about something but I can't really remember what happened. I've blocked out a lot of things that happened back then. I went home for that weekend (I never went home on weekends before and when things started happening I started going home) and I received a missed call from a number I didn't know and a voice-mail. I listed to the voice mail and it was the docter. He called me back and said that I should come back to his office and that a concerned family member called. I called my friend and told him and we had a good laugh about it. I was confronted about it at some point in time by him. I only realized that he went through my things because certain things were not put back in place in my diary. When I remember when he confronted me, I asked if he did look though my drawers. I can't remember if he lied or not but I remember the conversation being that I noticed that something was not put back in place in my dairy and he said he usually does but it pack in place but didn't this time. I feel like I could put more but it would be too much. It all happened such a long time ago and I should just move on but honestly I'm still so angry about a lot of things. It's hard for me to get over. This is just one of them. Sometimes I even wonder that when I do find someone, how do I even explain this. That I'm still a virgin but my hymen was broken by a gynecologist or should I just lie and say I've had sex before and just fake it. If I say the truth would my person even want me? All I can say is that I'm trying. Good enough for me.