thanks. Idk i guess all I know is I REALLY don’t want them going into care. The system where we live is shit and I just don’t want them to go through that. I don’t feel like my life prospects are great anyway and I don’t want to send them into care so I can maybe have a bit better life. Bc I doubt I would anyway and I think the guilt would torture me more than just sticking it out with them. Maybe if i didnt already do everything for them before my mum left then this would feel worse but I have taken care of them for years already and I don’t think I can abandon them
My nan might agree to that. For now she just says my mum will be back soon. She refuses to help with the kids generally bc she’s been there done that or whatever and says she’s too old

you need to report your mother for abandoning her kids, but at the same time tell them you will look after them, your mum need to learn she cant do this to her kids and needs to be brought up on child abandonment charges
OOP: I would do that if it was guaranteed i could keep them but i dont know if thats even possible or at all likely with so many of them and we arent rich. Maybe 1 or 2 kids they would say ok but 5 just seems unlikely they would let me keep them

Is there any other trusted adult in your family? Aunt, uncle, cousin, something? Maybe they could come help you keep your family together?

we have some aunts and uncles but none we are close to or who seem like they care. I could try that route i guess. My older siblings are most likely to give a shit and even they aren’t being very helpful

Why do you think your life prospects aren’t good? You’re 19, you have your whole life ahead of you. This is really unfair of your mom to put on you. I totally get not wanting your siblings to go into the system but you need to think about setting yourself up to be in a position where you could take care of them if that’s your goal. The youngest is 7, you’re looking a long road of caregiving if you go this route and you need to be able to support yourself and them if that’s your goal

I didnt do great in school, we don’t have much money, live in a shitty area, I can tick most of the boxes for things that set you back in life. I work now and make a decent wage but I just can’t imagine being able to enjoy that if I abandoned my family. I have thought about it a lot and I used to wish I could just go and live my own life but reality is I would have no one and nothing to live for

Where TF did she go? Is she in trouble? On drugs? Even if she comes back, this sounds super shady and maybe she shouldn’t be caring for them. You need to call someone.

She’s done it before. Usually she goes to the same city but i have no idea what she does when she’s there. She tells everyone she’s looking for our dad but that’s bullshit. Far as i know she doesnt do drugs but she has had issues with alcohol
She’s shit in the mum department but she doesnt care for them even when she is here, i do

File emergency guardianship. You're an adult so I don't see the law removing them if under your legal care. Not sure.
Where are your older siblings?? Do they know what's going on?

They moved out at 18 and we very rarely see them. I have told them she’s gone but they don’t think its a big deal as she has done it before

I dont have poa or know how I can even get that. I assume it would come with legal guardianship
I think she does but I dont really know the details or how much. She goes through phases of talking about that stuff but she also lies a lot. She claimed she gets nothing from the government, but she also claimed she got thousands from our dad which is impossible bc he is the definition of a “train wreck” and i don’t know when he has even had a job
As in if they got hurt in my care?
We don’t have access to that kind of thing as far as i know. We live in a small rural town with minimal access to a lot of services like that. Im trying to find out but not having much luck
I can make A$4k-5k a month depending on what shifts i am able to do. Lately i can only work 30 hrs a week when the kids are in school so cant earn as much but my mum has sent money and my nan covers most bills so i dont have a huge amount of expenses. Food for 5 kids is a lot but I’m doing ok so far and can save a small amount. Food/clothes should be fine, i mainly worry about birthdays and other big expenses like that but thats why im trying to save as much as possible for those times
No idea where my dad is. We havent seen or heard from him for around 5 years. There were some serious abuse allegations from my older siblings and he hasn’t been seen since. Before that he would come and go. The age gaps between the siblings are the times he disappeared. he would vanish for sometimes years, then reappear and they’d have a couple more kids
i want to keep them here with us. So really just need advice on how to go about that. Letting them go into care would kill me so its not really the advice im looking for, but i do understand why everyone is saying that

In another post you mention your dad, where is he? He should step up.

he disappeared 5 years ago after my older siblings started talking openly about how he abused them. We havent seen or heard from him since. He used to vanish for years at a time and come back when he was bored or whatever and my mum would try to keep him around with new babies. but I dont think he will be back again

Thank you sm. we cant afford therapy and dont have any access to it where we live. Even if we had the money I’m pretty sure it would be a 3hr round trip to the nearest one. X5 would be impossible.
I will defo try to make sure to give them choices and listen to them as much as possible. I already approach things differently with them as their personalities are so different. Some need me to be a lot more authoritative to even have a chance of them taking me serious. One cries if she even suspects i’m mad at her. Its a lot to learn but i’m willing to give it everything ive got and hope that will be enough

thank you sm for all the helpful comments here and messages offering help/advice (i will reply to them all when i can)
Rn I’m putting all my energy into the new routine and trying to sort out legal guardianship so we can get money for the kids etc. Everything else is a problem for later on when we are more settled. My older brother came up last weekend and tbh it was nice but weird bc the younger kids dont even remember him and they pretty much clung to me for the entire time bc having a man in the house is strange for them. But after he left they said they miss him and liked having him here. He’s been sorting his shit out this week and is coming back tomorrow with all his stuff and will be working remote from our house. Me and him have spoken a lot and i think we will be able to get on the same page with the kids and make it work. I’m worried about some things with parenting differences but we will figure it out. I’m trying not to seem controlling but its hard to adjust to someone else being very involved when I have been looking after them by myself. I know I need him though.
My nan was actively trying to undermine me and we had an argument, then my brother got here and he had an argument with her in the first half hour. So she has gone to my aunts for a while. She is still paying the bills here but if she stops we will be ok with my brothers money and mine. My brother wants to take the kids and move house but I am not even thinking about that until everything else is sorted out
Now that things are actually changing our older sisters are more interested and have been messaging me so they might help as well
The kids are not taking the new routine too well but we are making progress so I’m trying to stick with it. I made a meal plan and have stuck to that all week. My 9 year old sister told me she likes rules which makes it feel worth it. The teenagers are kind of a nightmare but Im trying to persevere with them. 13 year old was being horrific and I lost my shit which made her have an emotional breakdown and now she’s been a lot better. 12 year old has taken it ok ish he just tells me I’m a loser all the time and asks for his skateboard back a million times a day but I know he knows where it is so he is being pretty good considering he could just take it back if he really wanted. 16 year old is hell. 7 year old has like 3 tantrums a day and wont eat or sleep so she stresses me out probably the most
my mum hasnt called anymore but is complying with giving us custody and told her friend its the best thing thats ever happened to her. I cba with her and if she tries to come back i will do everything i can to keep her away from the kids

Glad to hear your brother is helping out! Especially with the teenage siblings, it's hard for them to see you as an authority figure unfortunately as you're not that much older and it SHOULDN'T be on you to deal with this. Having two people be a united front for them will be hugely helpful in establishing boundaries.
Sounds like the 7 year old might be dealing with anxiety. Kids are not great at identifying their own emotions. She's running from sleep because she doesn't feel safe to lie down and drop her guard. Strongly recommend getting them checked out by the GP if you can, mention the trauma background. I know it's hard to find bulk-billing GPs at the moment though.
Divide and conquer is the right strategy! As is consistency as you mentioned. I would STRONGLY recommend communicating the current home situation to the kids' schools, they may be able to hook you guys up with more social services and if nothing else it will be helpful for teachers to be aware of the situation in dealing with behavioural issues. (But I am a teacher so that's my bias lol.)

yeah i think him being that bit older and the fact they havent seen him for years has made him automatically more of an authority figure to the teenagers. The younger ones are a bit unsure of him still and I think they will adjust to him better if he isnt being the strict one straight off. Its hard to find the balance with the different approaches for each kid. But 16 year old went to a party last night and was texting me arguing about the pre set pick up time we gave her, so my brother went to get her and she actually got in the car. If I had gone she would have 100% told me to fuck off
Yeah she refuses to lay down and just hates her bed. Only way I can get her to sleep is by laying in her bed with her until I’m sure she’s in a deep sleep. And thats after hours of her physically fighting me, crying, etc
Trying to get them to the GP is a huge struggle time wise and money wise. Will get them in asap but probably wont be that soon. Also dont have a car big enough for everyone so would have to go in separate trips as well
The teachers are aware of the situation. They know my mum is a pos and i have been doing parents night etc for the kids for literal years. I told them she is “away” and I am going for custody

7 might be having bad dreams, or maybe she feels being awake is the only time she has any control over her life - did your egg doner leave during the night maybe? Either way insomnia is a bitch, and I sympathize with you both. Will she quietly draw or watch videos during the night while you sleep? Does she have a nightlife and white noise?

Yeah, 7 year old woke up on christmas eve to our mum being gone. Tbh she seemed kind of unphased about it bc she is not even remotely close to my mum. She slept in my room from like 4 months old. But it obviously has affected her. I think she is probably worried I will leave so she’s trying to stay awake to make sure I’m still there. I tell her all the time I’m not going anywhere etc but she just freaks out about bedtime every single evening. Even if I keep her in the living room with me and hope she will fall asleep without any pressure she stays awake way too late considering she has school in the morning. And she still cries and says she just wants it to be morning already
The 4 kids are all in the same room and there is a nightlight in there but 13 year old turns it off because she says she cant sleep with any light. 7 year old has never said she needs a light tbf. She slept fine in the dark before all this.