Protected Sovereign States and Territories Bill

A
BILL
TO
provide greater protection for the recognition of certain nations’ independence, for certain nations’ sovereignty over disputed regions, and for connected purposes.
BE IT ENACTED by the King’s Most Excellent Majesty, by and with the advice and consent of the Lords Temporal, and Commons, in this present Parliament assembled, and by the authority of the same, as follows:—

PART 1

PROTECTED INDEPENDENCE RECOGNITION

1 Protected independence recognition status
(1) A polity in Schedule 1 is considered to have protected independence recognition.
(2) In this Act, ‘protected independence recognition’ is recognition that a polity is a sovereign state as it is an independent political entity comprising a people from a defined territory that has the capacity to enter into relations with other states and requires protection.
2 Amending a polity’s protected independence recognition
(1) The Secretary of State may, by statutory instrument amending Schedule 1 of this Act, determine that a polity does or does not have protected independence recognition and what the polity’s defined territorial boundaries are.
(2) Any statutory instrument made under subsection (1) is to be passed with affirmative procedure.
(3) The Secretary of State must consider adding a polity to Schedule 1 if—

(a) the polity in question has declared that it is an independent sovereign state;
(b) there is a dispute about the ownership of the territory that the polity claims sovereignty over; and
(c) the polity faces an active and serious threat to its existence.

(4) The Secretary of State must consider removing a polity from Schedule 1 if—

(a) the polity renounces its declaration of independence;
(b) the polity renounces its claim to their territory; or
(c) the polity no longer faces an active and serious threat to its existence.

3 Assistance in times of conflict
(1) The United Kingdom must assist a polity in Schedule 1 if another polity—

(a) declares war; or
(b) applies significant economic sanctions;

against that polity.
(2) The Secretary of State must consider whether it is appropriate and legitimate to provide the assistance requested or deemed to be necessary in regards to the assistance of a polity.
(3) If a polity in Schedule 1 engages in military action against another polity, the Secretary of State must consider—

(a) removing said polity from Schedule 1;
(b) making a determination about which polity has the valid claim to sovereignty over the territory; and
(c) diplomatic actions that can be taken to resolve the situation.

PART 2

PROTECTED SOVEREIGNTY RECOGNITION

4 Protected sovereignty recognition status
(1) A territory in Schedule 2 of this Act has protected sovereignty recognition.
(2) In this Act, ‘protected sovereignty recognition’ is recognition that a territory belongs to an existing sovereign state and needs protection.
5 Amending a territory’s protected sovereignty recognition
(1) The Secretary of State may, by statutory instrument amending Schedule 2 of this Act, determine that a territory does or does not have protected sovereignty recognition and to which sovereign state it belongs to.
(2) Any statutory instrument made under subsection (1) is to be passed with affirmative procedure.
(3) The Secretary of State must consider adding a territory to Schedule 2 if—

(a) the territory in question is recognised as owned by a sovereign state;
(b) there is a dispute about the ownership of the territory; and
(c) the territory—

(i) is under military occupation;
(ii) is facing civil war or unrest; or
(iii) is facing a high risk of military action.

(4) The Secretary of State must consider removing a territory from Schedule 2 if the sovereign state it belongs to renounces its sovereign over that territory.

PART 3

UNPROTECTED STATUS RECOGNITION

1 Unprotected Status Recognition
(1) A polity in Schedule 3 is considered to have unprotected status recognition.
(2) In this Act, ‘unprotected status recognition’ is recognition that a polity who has lost control of its claimed territory is and continues to be a sovereign state as it is an independent political entity comprising a people from a defined territory that has the capacity to enter into relations with other states and requires protection.
(3) In this Act, ‘alternative claiming polity’ is the other entity that currently occupies or controls the land in which the polity with unprotected status recognition claims.
2 Amending a polity’s unprotected status recognition
(1) The Secretary of State may, by statutory instrument amending Schedule 1 of this Act, determine that a polity does or does not have unprotected status recognition and what the polity’s defined territorial boundaries are.
(2) Any statutory instrument made under subsection (1) is to be passed with affirmative procedure.
(3) The Secretary of State must consider adding a polity to Schedule 1 if—

(a) the polity in question has continued to declare that it is an independent sovereign state;
(b) there remains a dispute about the ownership of the territory that the polity claims sovereignty over;
(c) the polity in question continues to maintain diplomatic consultation with the United Kingdom;
(d) the polity in question makes a formal request to the United Kingdom for continued recognition
(e) the alternative claiming polity to the polity in which is in question for unprotected status recognition is considered a terrorist or extremist state.

(4) The Secretary of State must consider removing a polity from Schedule 1 if—

(a) the polity renounces its declaration of independence;
(b) the polity renounces its claim to their territory;
(c) the polity itself recognises the alternative polity claiming the formerly disputed land;
(d) the alternative claiming polity establishes formal relations with the United Kingdom, and meets human rights expectations; and
(e) it is considered by the Parliament through affirmative measure to no longer be in the interest of the United Kingdom to be involved in the continued recognition of the polity.

3 Requirements upon the Government
(1) The United Kingdom is not bound to assist the unprotected status recognition polity in any way, however may do so if such is the wish of the government, or by parliament through an affirmative measure.

PART 4

FINAL PROVISIONS

6 Definitions
In this Act—

’sovereign state’ is to be construed as “an independent political entity comprising a people from a defined territory that has the capacity to enter into relations with other states and requires protection.”
‘protected independence recognition’ is to be construed in accordance with subsection 1(2).
’protected sovereignty recognition’ is to be construed in accordance with subsection 4(2).
’defined territorial boundaries’ is to be construed as the territories outlined for a particular polity within Schedules 1 and 2

7 Extent, commencement, and short title
(1) This Act extends to England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.
(2) The provisions of this Act shall come into force the day this Act is passed.
(3) This Act may be cited as the Protected Sovereign States and Territories Act 2023.

SCHEDULE 1

PROTECTED INDEPENDENCE RECOGNITION POLITIES

State of Israel
1 (1) The State of Israel has protected independence recognition as defined by this Act.
(2) The territory of the State of Israel is the territory under their name as defined by the demarcation line set out in the 1949 Armistice Agreements between the nations of Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria and Israel known as the Green Line.
State of Palestine
2 (1) The State of Palestine has protected independence recognition as defined by this Act.
(2) The territory of the State of Palestine is the territory under their name as defined by the demarcation line set out in the 1949 Armistice Agreements between the nations of Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria and Israel known as the Green Line.
Republic of Kosovo
3 (1) The Republic of Kosovo has protected independence recognition as defined by this Act.
(2) The territory of the Republic of Kosovo is the territory of the Autonomous Province of Kosovo and Metohija as defined by the Constitution of the nation of Serbia on the commencement of this Act.
Sahrawi Arab Democratic Republic
4 (1) The Sahrawi Arab Democratic Republic has protected independence recognition as defined by this Act.
(2) The territory of the Sahrawi Arab Democratic Republic is the territory of Western Sahara as defined by the border of the Islamic Republic of Mauritania and the line at 27° 40’ N extending from the ocean to the border of the Islamic Republic of Mauritania.
Republic of Cyprus
5 (1) The Republic of Cyprus has protected independence recognition as defined by this Act.
(2) The territory of the Republic of Cyprus is the entirety of the island of Cyprus excluding the sovereign base areas of—

(a) Akrotiri; and
(b) Dhekelia.

Democratic Republic of Timor-Leste
6 (1) The Democratic Republic of Timor-Leste has protected independence recognition as defined by this Act.
(2) The territory of the Democratic Republic of Timor-Leste is the territory of East Timor as defined in the Constitution of the Democratic Republic of Timor-Leste.
Ukraine
7 (1) The nation of Ukraine has protected independence recognition as defined by this Act.
(2) The territory of Ukraine consists of the Cherkasy, Chernihiv, Chernivtsi, Crimea, Dnipropetrovsk, Donetsk, Ivano-Frankivsk, Kharkiv, Kherson, Khmelnytskyi, Kirovohrad, Kyiv Municipal, Kyiv, Luhansk, Lviv, Mykolaiv, Odesa, Poltava, Rivne, Sevastopol, Sumy, Ternopil, Vinnytsia, Volyn, Zakarpattia, Zaporizhzhia, and Zhytomyr Oblasts.

SCHEDULE 2

PROTECTED SOVEREIGNTY RECOGNITION TERRITORIES

Crimea, Donetsk, Kherson, Luhansk and Zaporizhzhia
1 (1) The territories of Crimea, Donetsk, Kherson, Luhansk and Zaporizhzhia has protected sovereignty recognition as defined under this Act.
(2) The sovereign state of the territories of Crimea, Donetsk, Kherson, Luhansk and Zaporizhzhia is the nation of Ukraine.
(3) (a) The territory of Crimea is the territory of the Autonomous Republic of Crimea and the city with special status of Sevastopol
(3) (b) The territory of Donetsk is the territory of the Donetsk Oblast as defined by Ukraine
(3) (c) The territory of Kherson is the territory of the Kherson Oblast as defined by Ukraine
(3) (d) The territory of Luhansk is the territory of the Luhansk Oblast as defined by Ukraine
(3) (e) The territory of Zaporizhzhia is the territory of the Zaporizhzhia Oblast as defined by Ukraine
Golan Heights
2 (1) The territory of Golan Heights has protected sovereignty recognition as defined under this Act.
(2) The sovereign state of the territory of Golan Heights is the Syrian Arab Republic.
(3) The territory of Golan Heights is the territory under their name as defined by the demarcation line set out in the 1949 Armistice Agreements between Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria and Israel known as the Green Line.

SCHEDULE 3

UNPROTECTED STATUS RECOGNITION POLITIES

Islamic Republic of Afghanistan
1 (1) The polity of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan has unprotected sovereignty recognition as defined under this Act.
(2) The territory of Afghanistan is the territory of the 34 divisions of Afghanistan.
This Bill was submitted by The Right Honourable Dame Youma, The Baroness of Motherwell, LT MBE PC MP on behalf of Unity.
Speaker,
Over the past few years, our nation has witnessed a wave of upheaval across the world, as nations returned to violent means as a method of the annexation of territory and people, a principle the world had thought was dismantled after the Second World War. As I said nearly two years ago, I shall repeat as I wish to cast reflection upon our role as a country across the global community with these matters in mind. Should we wallow in isolation, or should we stand for what is right?
When I stood at the Despatch box as Prime Minister, Foreign Secretary, or any other role, I spoke of the need for active foreign policy. Speaker, these are not just words or slogans, active foreign policy requires the United Kingdom to recognise its own duty as the mother of parliaments to defend, protect, and promote democracy and human rights internationally. It is part of this task that I present the Protected Sovereign States and Territories Bill to the parliament again, reflective of what we have witnessed over the past few years, to bring the needed legislative changes required to ensure an active foreign policy is at the forefront of the mind of the government of the day.
The Protected Sovereign States and Territories Bill is fundamentally about ensuring the recognition of vulnerable nations, whose existence is at risk of extinction due to potential conflict or collapse, continues regardless of the government of the day. This legislation would prevent a government from unilaterally revoking the recognition of the nations within Schedule 1, and the ownership of the territories within Schedule 2. As an example, I will highlight Kosovo as a nation that should be uplifted to protected independence recognition status. Kosovo is a relatively new nation, whose Declaration of Independence was recognised by our nation on the 18th of February 2008. Kosovo’s very existence as a sovereign nation is under threat each day, as an active campaign continues attempting to undermine its recognition and sovereignty. This legislation ensures that parliament’s will to stand with the people of Kosovo in recognising their independence is protected, away from the unilateral statement of a rogue foreign minister.
To alleviate any concerns, I will address some matters raised within previous debates on this topic. This legislation will not prevent the future recognition of new nations, his Majesty’s government retains this power to ensure our nation may quickly respond to fast moving scenarios. This legislation will not require conflict as an automatic means of resolution, all that is required by this legislation is for something to be done, diplomatic support covers this sufficiently. This legislation will not cripple the Government's ability to conduct foreign affairs and policy, the Minister retains a large variety of powers even on matters subject to this act to ensure the flexibility of our nation's foreign policy is preserved, whilst protecting the recognition of vulnerable nations.
With all of this in mind, and what we have witnessed over the past few years in our hearts, I urge all members to see the good that this legislation will bring, to stand with these vulnerable nations, and vote yes to this legislation.
This division shall end on the 22nd May at 10PM

Hello everyone
I am super stressed out from this matter and I would appreciate any feedback or advice, I’ll try to be as brief but informative as possible.
I was enrolled in two online courses at a community college that I have taken classes at for over 8 years, I took a few gen eds in high school.
It came to my attention that I only needed one of the two courses as a pre requisite for the program I got into, so I immediately went to my academic advisor to drop/withdraw me from the course, so I don’t need to pay an additional $950, that I can’t really afford and don’t want to take a loan out for.
He would ignore my phone calls and respond a week later by email, and inform me that it was too late to withdraw for a full refund and that I could withdraw and then submit a form to his manager explaining my situation, I had an A in the course and only wish to be withdrawn from the course just as long as I don’t need to pay for it. I was in the class for 2.5 weeks.
I was told I would get a decision/reply within 30 days, it’s been 3 months and I have not received a reply and have followed multiple times.
What are my options here? My advisor was almost impossible to get in contact with and overall this has been a stressful situation because I need to take AP2 now and they won’t let me register for it if I still have a hold.
Keep in mind, this was for a fully online class and I had zero contact with the professor nor have I stepped foot on campus, and my advisor was not easy to communicate with.
I would appreciate any advice!

https://imgur.com/a/JZLiKvV
What’s up swappers. Tough one to list today, I had just purchased this brand new from Knife Joy last week after searching for awhile for one, but also ended up snagging one of the new MEFP Zaans this week, and unfortunately my knife budget can only accommodate one $500+ knife this week so the 31 needs a new home lol.
As stated, brand new from KJ last week, I carried it at work for 5 days, opened some mail and boxes, didn’t even get a chance to use much or break it in fully. Has snail trails on the clip from a damn ladder at work, but everything else looks great. Edge is still factory sharp. Comes with full kit, nothing has been removed, knife hasn’t even been taken apart to take the lanyard out yet.
Asking $450 shipped PPFF(yay I can finally do that). Just a heads up, due to my work schedule I won’t be able to ship this until Tuesday this week if it sells before then!

Wrote up another last note im planning to leave soon. Like many others I suffered through traumatic things, endured swxual and physical abuse that somehow I still blame myself for (despite logically knowing I shouldnt), maybe in a twisted effort to give myself power. All I ever tried chasing was genuine connection with people but as I unfortunately couldn't properly socialise in my formative years I was always far away from what I saw as normal or ideal. Rapes harassment and other shit followed, only relationship i had was abusive and violent. Somehow managed ar least to get a career going and im just struggling around trying to fix myself and my life. It's always been extremely difficult to make friends or date normal people (seems hardly anyone likes me enough to date me) just burdened by loneliness. I've worked so hard to have a stable life, build routines, take care of myself and i do see changes, even people speak so much more differently about me and see me differently but none of it warms my heart. Seems I can't run away from that classic past of dysfunctional family, negligent father, affected mother, childhood depression bla bla. Worked so hard even going to therapy for so long, all I do is just count the days until that day. I just feel extremely tired I don't even have wishes or visions of my future, I know I can't fulfill my dreams and passions, I know I'll have to stay alone for a long time or even forever.
Just stupid to wallow around but I wanted to speak into the void somewhere since I can't bear to voice these things. It should end faster and I won't burden anyone anymore

We were talking about a book and I said someone who has anger issues can be abusive and then she said that according to that I also am a abusive person bc I have anger issues. I couldn't say anything. Idk if I have anger issues or not. I do get angry sometimes and I throw things but it's not that often. I am trying to get out my anger in a healthy way bc I am always bottling my feelings. Even when I get really angry and hurt someone I say sorry. I'm struggling from anxiety and depression it's hard for me go thru a day sometimes I wish someone just saw me. Ik that my sister is a teenager and I shouldn't take her words seriously but it hurts when the closest person in your life says something like that. I feel like a monster unwanted, ugly, useless I just want some kindness. I am always trying to be better to be kinder give whatever I have to others but nothing matters. Idk why I do these things when nobody else cares abt me.

I have this friend, whose names I don’t want to reveal, so let’s just call them Cardinal. Cardinal had been calling themself a transgender man. Cardinal also happens to have been born with a malformation in their vocal cords giving them a deeper then normal voice for a female. I was curious about their dysphoria and stuff so the other day I asked: “Why do you think you’re a dude?”
The answer I was given was “oh idk, I was a stupid kid at the time and I thought deeper voice meant make so I had deep voice and I just adapted to being [name] or my horrible name back then Ace.”
I wouldn’t wish gender dysphoria on my worst enemy. This is not dysphoria. How do I tell them that without upsetting them?

hello. i was born afab and intersex, raised female. from the moment i knew what it meant to be trans, i felt deeply that i was. the labels ive gravitated towards have changed a lot over the years-- demigirl, nonbinary, agender, bigender, genderfluid, transmasc, and back again. i've tried she/her pronouns, they/them pronouns, he/him pronouns, it/its pronouns, and a variety of neopronouns. i've changed my name what feels like hundreds of times within my social group (never in a professional setting or legally), and always i come back to feeling... conflicted.
i want to be a girl. i want to be "normal". sometimes, i wish i were born amab so i could identify as transfem, because the want to be a girl and the knowledge that i'm trans don't fit together. and yet, this feeling that i will inevitably one day have to admit to myself that im a trans man ... more or less haunts me.
ive attempted to socially transition in a masculine way more than once over the years. the shortest period was less than a day, the longest was three months. always, what stopped me from fully committing was this fear of inauthenticity, like i was kidding myself. like i couldn't be a man if i tried. and again and again i want to be a girl, want to be seen that way.
yet, when others see me as a girl, it makes me feel... strange. i wouldnt say nauseous, but the acknowledgement of myself as the same as a cis girl feels wrong. i feel like im some kind of imposter. i dont want anything more than to be normal and just be content with being a girl, having the name i was given at birth, my own pronouns. ive tried everything.
this is long and i'm sorry it's sort of venty. ive been stuck in my own head with this for 8 years. has anyone else experienced this? is this an "egg" experience? what might help?
thank you for reading this far.
tldr; i don't feel like a girl and yet i deeply want to be. i feel its inevitable that i will transition but ive been conflicted about it for 8 years.

I feel like such an idiot. Please avoid the same mistakes I did. Background is that I'm desperate for a new living situation (I'm separating from my partner) and was living out of town with my family while I figured things out.
Here's how it happened:
I found the *perfect* listing on Zillow and contacted the owner for a tour of the property on May 1. They responded saying the current tenant leaves May 15, that I can view the property after they move out, and then asked for my email for reservation and application (RED FLAG). I didn't even think twice about moving my conversation from Zillow to email at the time. I wish I hadn't.
Every communication from here on out was so professional. No spelling errors, no sob story. Just seemed like a person doing business, who had been a property manager for a long time. They sent a rental application form that asked for my SSN (RED FLAG), as well as info on my resident history and employment information. I googled the address and the listed property manager's name (Sharon Simmonds), and nothing questionable came up. I filled out the application.
I submitted the application form, was notified that it was accepted, and then was sent a lease to review and sign within 24hrs (RED FLAG). The application form looked professional and the terms made sense. I reviewed and signed.
Then I received receipt of the signed lease agreement, and was asked to proceed with the deposit to the address listed on the lease - either via wire or ACH transfer - and list the address in the wire description (RED FLAG). The bank was Navy Federal Credit Union, and that alone was enough for my stepdad to be convinced this was above-board. The NFCU affiliation didn't mean anything to me, but if my stepdad seemed so sure, that was enough for me.
I sent the funds on May 3, and after Sharon confirmed receipt, she said she'd meet me on move-in day (May 20), have a full tour of the unit, document the status of all appliances, and hand over the keys.
I followed up on May 13 to to ask about what time Sharon was available on the 20th, and she said she'd get back to me. She hasn't responded to any emails, calls, or texts since.
Last night, I looked up "Sharon Simmonds La Jolla" and found the same Zillow property listed on Vrbo. Same property manager name, same photos. I contacted the individual via Vrbo and they confirmed they hadn't posted the property on Zillow; it's exclusively a holiday rental. Here's the Vrbo listing: https://www.vrbo.com/593827
I know it was dumb. I was (am) in a complicated living situation and am dealing with personal stuff, so I unfortunately was the best target for this sort of scam. I just don't want anyone else to go through the same thing.

• Don't let professional communications or documents fool you. Especially now with the support of AI, putting together a believable application and lease is easier than ever.
• Keep your conversation on the rental platform.
• Don't give out your SSN; it isn't necessary for a rental application.
• Don't wire money without seeing the property.
• If you're out of town and can't review a property, at least have a friend meet the manager and see the location in person.

Anyway, I'm trying to move on without hating myself too much. I've reported the fraud to the police, called my bank, frozen my credit etc. Trying to do as much as I can to mitigate further damage, since I'm already assuming the $7k is completely gone.

Hi everyone, I just want to share my experience with a shady landlord (I won’t tell you that the house I’m renting is in Saarbrücken ;)) So, I’m living in a WG: my husband and I share the same room, a friend of us (we are from the same country), and a guy (he’s a student in IT). The house we are living in is old, the floor is lifting up/ ripping (they covered the floor with a type of PVC peel and stick), some part of the floor even squeak when you walk on it (I’m a petite female with 43 kg, the floor even squeak when I walk by, so you can imagine how noisy just walking can be). The sound proofing between floor is also terrible, I hear all the time when the neighbors upstairs fight, talk, or play music. This is where the problem start. My husband and our friend (let call him V) work at a restaurant, they arrive home very late almost every night (11 pm to 2 am). V’s room is directly above this guy’s, that’s why he can hear V opening the door of his room (his room has a sliding door). This guy reported to the landlord that we had something rolling, the landlord came up a checked and let that go, because it was not our fault. But he even reported to the landlord that we were loud, we did say sorry and try to whisper to each other in the kitchen only. But the thing that pissed me off is that yesterday (at 1 am), the landlord wrote to V asking: do you understand what quiet rule in German is? (They texted in German so this is a rough translation). Yep, just one very condescending question like that. V asked politely: yes, we know about the rule and we always try to adhere to it. What’s wrong? He replied that ever since we moved in, he received reports from our neighbor that we are noisy at nigh, and he just received a report again. This was where we know either him or the neighbor was making things up: Both my husband and V were still at the restaurant, I was in my bedroom, the other was too. No one was in the kitchen or in V’s room. So V explained that we couldn’t not have make the noise. The landlord just said he did not care. What? So now we know for sure this guy is shady, he once blamed us for the fuse in the basement of the house melted because we had too much electric devices running (a desktop computer, a few lightbulbs, and a fridge, and three of us were not at home). We have installed a security watching the hallway and the kitchen to collect proof just in case he tries to kick us out for being “noisy”. And the landlord is on the downstairs neighbor’s side because they are close (V heard them calling each other by their first names). Regarding the downstairs neighbor, we encourage V to go the toilet frequently at night (to roll the door as much as possible). I hope he farts, snorts, or sneezes so loud that the neighbor wishes he was deaf. But on the other hand, would we be AH to do that?

• Hi [Name], I’ve been thinking since we met up the other day. I had a lovely time with you but I just don’t think the chemistry is there. I’m really sorry, thought you deserved honesty xx
• it was nice to meet you [Name], but I don’t think I really felt a connection. All the best with everything though!
• Thanks for coming all the way down to [place]! Not sure what you’re looking for on the apps - don’t know that there was a romantic connection there, but I enjoyed your company - and I’d like to hear more of your one liners!
• Hi [Name]! Thanks for meeting today it was nice talking to you. But I want to be honest I’m not feeling the connection, hope you understand. I wish you all the best
• Sorry for the late reply. I had a lovely time but I'm not sure we had that little extra something. Thanks for a lovely night :)
• Yea got home all safe. Thanks for the chats last night. I'll be frank, you seem like a nice and even keel kind of person but I didn't really feel there was that connection there that I'm looking for.
• Hey [Name], thanks for our cute date yesterday! I didn't quite feel the type of connection I'm looking for, but thanks again for an enjoyable chat and stroll and I hope you have a great week ahead.

Clearly, this recurring theme is an indication that my personality isn't compatible with dating in general. It would be normal and predictable to not vibe with some of the women I go on dates with. But statistically, this identical response from such a large sample set suggests that there's something about me which is inherently unattractive/uninteresting to all women. I've always thought that, mathematically, if I went on enough dates with different people, I'd eventually find someone who likes me as I am. But I'm now starting to understand that that's not the case. I guess some people just aren't built for relationships.
EDIT: Note that this doesn't include the many others who simply ghosted after the first date, even after ones which I felt went well

Dear D...
Before I met you, I always felt like there was something missing in my heart, ever since I was really young; there was something that no matter how much I tried to replace I could never succeed. The thoughts of this hole in my heart being existent for the rest of my life felt soothing eventually but also painful multiple times. I always felt like an outcast no matter how much I tried to fit in, no matter how close I got to my friends. When you came, all those thoughts, all those feelings got away...
When I first met you, my whole world turned upside down. The shock that flowed through felt electric, like I touched a generator that collects energy. I could feel your gaze penetrate mine and vice versa. Then we looked away and shortly aftet we persuaded each other. I was more vocal and direct, you were more quiet and stood close to me all the time. I was sensitive and tense, you were more detached and chill. The moments I talked to you felt like paradise, it felt like I was talking to a long lost friend, to a brother from an another lifetime. In our dreams the roles would be reversed all the time: I would become the quiet and cold one and you would be the sunshine boy filled with happiness and joy. And of course you were the hugger. The nerve.
I wanted to be in your presence all the time, but I was scared of the intensity as well. I could tell you were also scared of it, but everytime I was chasing, you were running. Everytime I was running you were chasing. We were never in the middle. We had different methods to cope with the connection, because we were never fully direct with each other. I would have panic attacks and cry on the corridors when no one was around and later listen to music that reminded me of you, wrote poems about you and started to draw you out of the back of my mind. It felt uncanny how much you looked just like in the drawings. You would deal with it by drinking and overthinking and later outright confess to me overnight, the last night we were together. Then we separated. I needed time to reflect, something I did for the sake of both of us. You felt hurt and I felt hurt, but we needed space. I needed space. I felt like I was too much for you, and you did not deserve me.
That is when I started to grow. To change, to try and stand up and live my life the way I used to. I thought I would go back to my heart having that hole again, and dealing with it like old times, again. But the hole was no longer there. Because you filled that place in my heart. You and only you. And the pain became more powerful. I hurt even more because the separation made me wish I was in your presence more, to just hold you and never let you go. To tell you that I love you back, but I knew you would not believe me. You would think I would only say it back out of pity, not honesty. Because you have your own demons in your head, your own voices that make you overthink. Those voices are louder then my own voice.
Then I learned about the connection. At first I left it at chance. I had moments when I was going back to you, and moments when I was leaving you. Eventually you came back, and hugged me and took a photo with me and your best friend. You asked me if things will be the same between us. I had no response. I wanted to go back to it, but I knew it would be wrong. You wanted me back but I knew you did not evolve properly. You missed me, the same I missed you if not more but as the more awakened one I had to push you away. I told you eventually that I love you back the same way you told me: through text. You denied it and thought that I was just messing with you. You stopped talking to me. I know I hurt you, but I wanted to let you know as well. I hurt you because I love you.
Months went by and I learned to not let my anger take the best of me. To not let our past define our future. I learned to love myself, use the energy you gave me, both good and bad and embrace it. You were the reflection of my shadow self, who wants to tell people sometimes to stopp bugging me and that wants to be alone sometimes and I was your shadow self, the part that you keep locked because you got hurt: the kind, loyal and naive side of you that I showcase on the outside. I kept running into you; twin flame numbers kept pestering me. Dreams kept influencing me. But I had to stay away. I could see in your eyes that you were expecting me to make a move sometimes, smile at me warmly and just stare. But you were also mirroring me; if I was away, you were also away. Then I came back to you and you felt like I was just talking to you out of pity. So you let your ego out on me again.
You cant fully grasp the connection and how this experience should transform you, not just make you feel better. That you should heal wounds, not use me as a distraction for your own pain. Our dreams were almost always manifested by you; they always appeared when I was thinking the least about you, and in them you always wanted to do something with me. You might had good intentions, but you were also taking away my energy. The energy that I would use to heal would be drained because you were taking part of it for yourself. Because you did not had your own energy to use. Because you dont want to use your own healing process and make your own energy. I learned to love myself and also to love my friends and the friendships I had with them and the blessing that comes with having such strong bonds. I learned what I want in a partner and how my life should be settled for here on out. But I know deep down that I wont love anyone as much as you. Its just not possible. They will have another place in my heart, another type of love, but no one could replace you and I know this is gonna be vice versa for you as well. From what I have seen you still did not hook up with anyone after I came in your life; for the record you ironically broke up with your girlfriend around the time I came in your life and were super curious whenever there was a girl I had a crush on.
And as much as I love you, I cant allow this. I have to block you out through every way possible. I cant force you to change for the better, but maybe if you dont have me or my energy to use, there could be a chance. We will also separate fully in a couple of weeks with me off to college and you in your last year of highschool. Maybe my full absence will help you grow, just like how I felt when I experienced the separation a year ago. Again, I hurt you because I love you. If you heal yourself you know you can find me. When you are healed just call me and I will answer. Until then you have to be put away from my mind and energy. I will be fine, I will live my life and enjoy my part of it. I will miss you every single day, but I will remind myself of how you are not healed and how you need this space for yourself. Even if this space will still make me wish to hold you in my arms, and hold you as tight as possible.
Goodbye D. Until we meet again, I hope you will have a great life ahead of you and I hope we will reunite eventually... when both of us are healed. If we dont then... I guess see you in the next lifetime.
I love you.

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This is something I’ve been tinkering with figuring out the entire 9 months I’ve been using YNAB. I enjoy shopping, mostly for fashion-related items (clothes, shoes and bags), but I’ve historically struggled with overspending in this area. Ive struggled with allowing myself to budget for it sometimes after I go on a spending binge almost as a way to punish myself. I would like to get to a place where I can shop in moderation with the money set aside for it regularly into categories.
For now I’m trying a few categories with regular monthly targets:

1. Practical (boring) purchases. Things like kitchenware that needs to be replaced, underwear & sock replacements, etc. practical items that I don’t have a problem with overspending.
   
2. Wishlist Shopping. This budget category is for spending on items that have been on my wishlist for a while. These are items that I’ve put thought into, research, and know I’ll eventually want to get. For example, I know I’d like to purchase a couple new handbags soon; no rush but they have been on my wishlist a good while. I’m thinking the items in this category are not terribly expensive (under $100) but I’m still playing around with this.
   
3. Wish farm. I have a wish farm for more expensive wishlist items, for example a pair of $200 Birkenstocks, and eventually replacing my snowboard ($300+).
   
4. Spontaneous shopping. This is for those rare but special occasions where shopping may occur, i.e. on vacation or a day out with friends and I find something I want in a thrift or boutique shop. Otherwise known as “in-the-moment” shopping.
   

Would love to know your thoughts how you guys budget for this type of “fun/discretionary” spending. A part of me feels this is too granular, but also they are different shopping situations in my mind.

Hello, Linux noob here, I have only used it for just over 2 years and have mostly enjoyed my stay. Not sure if this is the right place to post this, I'm not sure how useful this tech-support request is. If it isn't, do you know any community where I can get help with this?
I've returned to GTA V as I haven't played in a couple of months, and the performance is often times abysmal in both story mode and online, getting these frame spikes. Often times as I did experience it a couple a days ago and suddenly the game ran fine yesterday (no system, driver or game updates). It seems to happen when I have played for a longer time but sometimes it's as soon as I start. It was much better months ago, story mode was good and well, online was worse but it didn't have these drops, only a bit lower fps.
Story mode
Online
My specs are:
Gigabyte x470 Gaming 5 Wifi
Ryzen 5 2600x
16 GB 3000 mhz CL15 (15-16-16) dual channel
GTX 1660 TI
Linux runs on a SSD, game on a separate one.
I have fiddled with the ingame graphics settings to no avail.
I'm on Nobara Linux 39 Gnome using X11, running the 6.8.7-201 kernel. I'm using the 550.67 driver. Tried downgrading but I was just getting a blank screen, nomodeset didn't work and I had to login on tty2 and install the latest driver through there again, tried 2 different older drivers.
Temps are good, no dust. No manual overclocks, only XMP and PBO enabled in bios.
Steam, ProtonGE 9-5. I have tried with Proton Experimental, and the latest Proton version, and some older versions. Weird issue started happening with GTA saying I'm not logged in, not sure if it had anything to do with changing Proton versions. Launch commands I use are gamemoderun and mangohud.
When the drops happen the GPU usage goes down the drain, I'm not sure if it's just general bad optimization on Rockstars part, a bad config, a driver issue, CPU or RAM bottleneck / issue. RAM seems to hover around 95-97% according to vitals gnome extensions, though I'm not sure how accurate it is, but get no crashes (not yet) so I'm not sure if it's RAM. Unused RAM is wasted right? I still ran Memtest86+ overnight with 9 passes, no errors.
Has anyone else these frame spikes. They are so annoying, and I'm at loss. I have contemplated a complete reinstall of Linux, but I can't bother with setting everything up again. It's hard for me to know if it's a software or hardware problem, or just a badly optimized game.
I appreciate any help or suggestions greatly :)

This will be a long one as I'm still incredible confused as to what I should do.
I'm (24F) 5 months into my first serious relationship with my partner (30M) and I've noticed a pattern that's really hurting my feelings and making me doubt my future plans with him. My boyfriend works as a Chef and are very rarely home earlier than 11pm each workday. I am well aware that working in a kitchen means having long days (I met him when I was a waitress) and I accept the amount of hours he have to put into it, I knew what I was walking into, when it comes to his Job, he also knows that, as we have talked about it (hes getting a promotion in fall so then i will see him even less and theres a high probability i will have to move across the country or to a different country next summer for my education). I also knew that my boyfriend have a long time friend which I would have to accept like a package deal if I wanted a relationship with him, I just had no idea it would be as extreme as it is. His friend (lets call him Joe 28M) is the type of person that takes rejections personal, has barely any situational awareness and doesn't understand the need for privacy in a relationship. He's used to being in a relationship himself, however as I'm my boyfriends first partner in 11years, Joe have never seen my boyfriend in a relationship before and are used to being prioritized after work. Joe and his girlfriend broke up 4 months ago, and he have moved into the city where both my boyfriend and I live separately. He now lives 7min walking distance from my boyfriend, so there's plenty of opportunities for them to see each other when I'm not around. Now we get to the part that's bothering me. A month ago I was at my boyfriends place for a week, every single day he got home from work at around 10:30-11:30pm, he gave me a quick hug and kisses and then asked if it was okay if he went down to Joe's. In the beginning it didn't bother me as I believe friendships are still important even if you're dating someone so I said it was okay. Where I messed up was when he asked me the third day in a row and I let him go even when I could feel it hurt me, I was just so scared to be seen as the villian as I wish Joe will see me as a good partner for my boyfriend. During the forth day my period is hitting me hard and my hormones and cravings are all over the place. I ask him if he could bring some snacks home and he is kind enough to do it. I greet him at the door like usual, more excited as my cravings can be fulfilled and because I was looking forward to spend time with him. He then asks if it's okay if he goes out drinking with Joe and a friend. He literally watches my excitement disappear and tears welling up as he waits for an answer (he comments on it). He mentions that when he got the message from Joe that he knew I would be disappointed (I still don't understand why he didn't just decline the invitation and stay home if he knew that) because there was a third party involved this time, I again couldn't make myself say no to him even though my heart was hurting. Through all these days not once was he home before 3am, the last day he was home at 4:45am. The fifth day (his off day and mine) was reserved for me and had been for 2 weeks. I went to school at 9am to practice for my exam and were there for way longer than usual because I was hurt and trying to control my emotions before returning to him. I also secretly wished that he would wake up and ask where I was, but that didn't happen as he was still asleep when I returned at 2pm. He woke up and asked me if I was mad, I sad no but that I was irritated and hurt. We tried to talk it out but he got defensive even though I admitted I messed up by not saying no when he asked. I asked if i should just leave and decided to go home after asking multiple times with no productive response from him, I felt we needed time apart to cool down and think things through. I contacted him in the afternoon to apologize for my reaction to the situation however I also said that I wouldn't apologize for my words as I meant what I said to him. I first got a text from him 4 days later, after I had contacted him again the day before to find a day we could talk things through and fix things. The day after his text we talk and promises each other that I will do my utmost best to say no when I can feel I need to, and he will priorities spending time with me when I'm at his apartment.
Fast forward to this week, it happened again. I'm the type to always ask permission to sleep over as it's not my home, my boyfriend said there was no need to as he always expects me to sleepover. Friday the 10th we were out shopping when his mom calls (so we could finally meet each other) and they start planning after his schedule without even considering if I have other plans, luckily enough they chose Monday instead of Friday the 17th. The day after the shopping trip Joe was hospitalized for appendicitis and needed a ride home and wasn't allowed to be alone for the first 24 hours. He also needed his medicine through a needle for 7 days which he needed someone else to do to him as he couldnt make himself, that's fair enough.. My boyfriend had to sleep at Joe's and that was the right thing to do as it was an emergency, I also expected him to sleep over the second day as I take no chances when it comes to people's health. Third day My boyfriend and I are meeting his mom so Joe have to find another to poke him, he found someone with experience to do it. Tuesday he contacts me to give him his medicine as my boyfriend is working and he doesn't trust the two friends at his apartment to do it. Alright I go and do it, we end up talking about my boyfriend and i mention that i want a a little alone time with the man i love...his response "We can do things together, thats what we did when I was in a relationship" apparently he didnt understand me and i didnt want to start an argument when his 2 friends was still there...my boyfriend joins us later and we go home at around 1am. Wednesday my Boyfriend goes to give the medicine after work, that's okay but he is first home at 3am. Thursday I join them as I'm tired of not having time with my boyfriend. Joe gets the medicine and suddenly have this idea that he and my boyfriend needs to drive out of city to visit a friend and deliver some things in the middle of the night and it can't wait (Joe aren't allowed to drive when his medicated). When we get to the car I ask if it's something that will take a long time as I'm contemplating joining them or going to my boyfriends place, Boyfriend says it's probably best I just go home to his. Again he's first home around 3am as both he and Joe fell asleep at Joe's.... Friday the 17th, Boyfriend finally has a day off and so do I, we have plans to have dinner with my mom in the evening which he agreed to 3 days prior. There's no food in the fridge so he goes grocery shopping, when he comes back Joe is with him, I didn't even get a warning so I could decide if I wanted to be there or not, I get that it's his apartment however I find it disrespectful that I don't even get a text or something. Boyfriend makes the food and while we eat he suddenly invites Joe to a concert where chill and romantic music gets played, which he also invited me to months prior, like a date...Joe suddenly asks when we think we will be home from my mom's (mind you I have told my boyfriend two times both this day and Thursday, that Joe needs to find another to poke him that day) I answer and say I don't know the earliest will probably be 10pm. My boyfriend answers and says " Oh no problem! If it's 10pm we have plenty of time to get home so I can do it, you make it sound like we will be there late."....like..I don't...seriously?! I feel like he doesn't want to priorities our relationship. When we're done eating I do the dishes as he made the food and they just leave, I finish up and go to a friend's as I am incredible hurt and needs someone to listen to as I'm again in the midst of my period and don't know if I'm being irrational or if I need to be concerned. I told my boyfriend that we leave at 5pm at the latest, he calls me at 4:15 to hear where I am, I tell him and he says that he expected me to be home when he got there. I of course seem off when I get to his place and he asks me if we need to talk. I simply reply that it's not a conversation we should take today. Whole car ride is silent, when we get to my mom's, everything seems fine and we are acting lovingly towards each other as we don't wan't to worry my family. At 11:20pm on the way home he asks if I wanna talk about it now, I again decline and tells him that it's not a conversation I wanna have while I'm on my period as my hormones are all over the place, I'm sensitive and take things personal and that -in my opinion- doesn't make a good fundamental platform to have a productive conversation. He continuesly asks and I give him the same answer again and again even telling him that I need time to think things through as I want to make sure I'm not being irrational. I pack my bags when we get to his (I'm visiting my dad so I need the stuff) and he drives me home. When we're in front of my door he gives me a lecture about how communication is important and if I won't tell him what's bothering me our relationship won't last, he even said that he thinks my friends have said something to make me like this, I told him I needed to see them and he said "thats okay, I'm with Joe"...I know that's the problem, we never just have time for ourselves....I was SO close to giving him a passive aggressive answer however I also know that won't help the situation.
The fact that both Joe and my boyfriend are together every day for hours on end when they are well aware that I'm home alone in my boyfriend's apartment, I find incredible disrespectful towards me and my free time. If I wanted to be alone I would be in my own apartment, I told him that when when we had or first argument a month ago. I feel like I'm being taken for granted, the fact that he just expects me to be at his place whenever he decides to be there, or makes plans without consulting me - especially if I'm involved in the plans- are disrespectful and unkind. He often tells me that he loves me and I'm sure he does...just not the way I need him to. I need quality time just him and I, no friends, no family just us for my love tank to be refilled..I've had none of that during this week I even told him that I needed more love and attention because of my period and its like he didn't listen and take it seriously. Yes he takes me out to dinner and makes homemade food, I appreciate it and to help him out I sometimes cleans his apartment and does the laundry as he barely have any off days to do it. However I find it hard to appreciate when we're eating out as Joe is often thirdwheeling...I've even asked my boyfriend what I need to do to make him feel appreciated and loved as I've told him my love language but I don't know his, I didn't really get an answer.. All the frustrations about this week I will talk to him about this Tuesday, if he can't be with me physically for a week I need him to at least write me each 48 hours as I'm tired of always being the one initiating conversations. I of course will also set boundaries and tell him how much quality time I need to feel loved and safe. If this is how things are gonna go every time I'm at his for a week or more, I don't feel comfortable by the thought of moving in together, we've talked about marriage and kids for the future but if these weeks are any indication for how it will be like living with him, it won't happen...I love him, I truly do and thats why this situation hurt me so much, thats why i try so hard to make him feel loved and to fix things...but I also have too much self respect to accept this behavior from him and his friend. If he don't want to priorities our relationship after his Job, we won't have a healthy relationship where both parties are happy. We both have traumas from past relationships and parents, which of course doesn't make things easier, however in my opinion it is no excuse to neglect each other's needs.
I'm sorry for the rambling, and I appreciate if you've read this far. I could use an outside perspective on our situation as friends and family often times have a biased opinion.
Thanks for reading
TLDR I feel underappriciated in my relationship and wonder if I'm asking for too much from him

So I’m sitting in the mall where I’m from and I’m looking at all these people that are just walking around. I’m having a full realization like why, us. I’m a Christian and I do believe Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior and died on the cross for us. But it’s crazy to think that whenever I’m looking at all these people, they all have life’s separate to mine, each and every individual has their own struggles and their own ways of living. I know these questions and the things I’m writing have already been brought up but what is the meaning of life. We have diseases like cancer all kinds of things that can happen. Why humans? I have a bunch of theories I picked up but one that scares me the most is that we’re alone in each and every universe. What’s to come after death I’m not scare of death I’m just curious on why we can grasp the feeling of death if only there was a way to reach the after life. I feel like the closes we get to the afterlife is in our dreams. When we die I believe we go to heaven and I’ll put my full faith into Jesus Christ but what if after death it’s just constant dreams. Or blackness where you don’t even think it’s just nothing. Life is beautiful and also ugly. I get you’re supposed to live life to the fullest but this world has gone to shit now and how is life enjoyable when you lose your love ones or are constantly stressed on the living situation you are in or how much money you bring in. Why… why… why. Why were all humans beings it will never happen but I wish we took one day out of the year to all just be together and just one free day. Look around you right now people have on different pair of clothing and why do people try and look good for others when there are more than beyond that to look at. I just wish I knew the answer to everything. If I had one wish it would be for everyone to wake up. Half of this doesn’t make sense but I’m having a moment of reality not being there for me. I wish I knew more I wish I could experience what goes on in the remote secret places of the world.

I have been practicing a kind of happiness meditation and want to learn more about what this experience is and cultivate it further.
I enter it by deliberately intending to enter a kind of happy, blissful space. It is a kind of happiness that is not connected to a desire or pleasant memory. It feels like relief or excitement (like at the beginning of a long weekend), but the only sensation is a feeling of having "enough" or having "arrived". Like being in sweet smelling air and warm sun. There is a lightness and expansiveness to it. It's like a pure happiness without any specific reason.
Oddly enough, despite this being a pleasant state it's hard to stay in as my mind wants to go back to thinking and problem solving. I have to actively fan the flames to keep the meditation active.
It's a good meditative space to be in because there is a loving and accepting presence. I was able to do it during a work meeting and despite all the people talking over and getting frustrated with each other, I felt the sense that everyone was made of love, and each person's well-wishes was colliding against every other. I've never felt this in any other state.
I'm looking for more about what this state is, and how I can practice it so that it's present throughout my day. I can't seem to easily access it in daily life with eyes open and engaging with errands.

This is more so a rant than anything but I just needed to vomit this out somewhere
I (14M) go to an all-boy private school and I feel like it has made me hate myself more sometimes. I know that I’m extremely lucky because of where my parents were able to send me but I feel like it makes me struggle a lot with myself.
I’ve had problems with my gender and my sexuality. I used to think I knew that I was straight and cis but with very few girls my age I’ve talked to (I only have 2 sister, one older and one younger, nearly my age) and it doesn’t help that I’m very introverted, so because basically everyone I meet is a boy it makes me question whether I’m straight or not.
I see girls in shows and movies and I feel like I’d like my body much more if I was one. I wish that I could wear a dress, have more feminine clothes and long hair. I do to an extent, in 2020 (before lockdowns, I just thought it would be cool to do this) I grew my hair out to like a half-mullet, without the shaved sides, I did this much before I started being confused about myself. One of my favourite music artists is someone called will wood and he has a song call I/me/myself about being a trans woman; listening to it I feel like I can relate to it in someway. Another this that relates to it is my favourite show is one called bee and puppycat, the main character is a woman and I feel like she’s what I would look like if I was a girl (brown hair, dress like her, because my fashion sense was half inspired by the show) and every time I watch the show I get these strong feelings of wishing I was a girl.
I do semi-often really wish I had at the very least, a crush. I’ve had one before, while on holidays in the west of my state, but that was probably at least 6 months ago now and I haven’t had a crush since then, even sometimes forcing myself to have one and realising what I’m doing, which then makes me think I did the same with my first crush and makes my even more worried. I sometimes like the idea of having a crush more than having a gf, but that might just be watching movies.
I also feel like I can’t share some of my more “girly” interests with my friends out of fear of being made fun of, my friends aren’t sexist or anything but I’ve been half made fun of because I open my phone with the last thing on there being the subreddit for one of my “girly” interests.
I also procrastinate way too much and almost always stay up late to do homework I’ve had all week to finish. I became worried that it might be rooted in adhd after my friend, who has it, pointed out that I act just like him when he’s off his meds, I took some online tests (Ik your not supposed to self diagnose like that but I took several and they were from places like university and mental health clinic’s websites) and they all said that it was likely that I have it. Sometimes I think that I am just trying to come up with an excuse for laziness.
The whole private school thing puts way more pressure on good grades, the half yearly exams and annual exams are all done in a single block over a few days, which I recently learnt isn’t normal and most schools do them over several weeks so students have more time to study. One thing that fucked me up was hearing somebody say that they were worried because they only got in the second to top class and their parents might be mad, his friend very quickly told him that that was stupid, but I didn’t focus on that.
I didn’t do any study in the half yearlies last year and did terribly, I said I was going to study in the annuals but didn’t and freaked out in the creative writing section of my English exam, a subject that I’ve always found very hard, and another one during the maths, even though I’m usually good at it. The school let me take the exams on my own and they wouldn’t count to my grade, which was good but this year’s exams are this Thursday and the very first one is English, I’ve had almost a perfect repeat of last year this time doing very little study and mainly for subjects I enjoy. I’m doing German this year as an elective but I did terribly in both Latin and French last year, both being my worst subjects by far, and even though I enjoy German much more than I did the other two languages, I’m still worried that I’ll forget everything and flunk German.
Sorry if this felt a bit jumpy from topic to topic but I just needed to dump somewhere

https://discord.gg/Qq5pyYZq
I'll just copy and paste the message that was said on the announcements channel, you'll be able to tell what I mean:
Hi everyone,
The exams are now FINALLY coming to an end (some people are almost done) and I'd just like to say thank you to EVERY single one of you on this server. These times are usually the most stressful of times, but honestly the community here and everyone made each other feel like it was just another mocks. It didn't feel stressful at all. It passed by in a blink. I became closer to many people on here in less than a month than I have to people I've known for years. This server was originally just supposed to be a read-only channel with english resources, but I think making this into a proper IB server was probably one of my best decisions. In only a matter of days we reached 80+ members.
I'm glad I could help students on here with their English grades through my guides. I wish the best of luck to everyone on here; to their lives after this suffer of IB, wherever the wind of life may lead you. I will cherish the memories that were made here forever. As for this server I plan to proceed for all the years that may come for the IB students.
For the M25's and M26's and later, we will be appointing new moderators and there will be more students joining the server, so buckle up for that. M24's, you are free to stay here, and DM me for the Alumni role. If you feel that you have contributed massively to this server, and you fit for the moderator role. Then please let me know for that as well.
Unfortunately, I will be ending my Nitro subscription, which also end the emoji stickers on this server. If anyone in the future feels they could boost this server, don't be shy to do so. The server in the near future will go blank for a bit due to a revamp that is to happen, however it will be back to normal in no time.
The server is now revamped, so all the messages from before are cleared. The server is still going through some minor changes.

This will be a long one as I'm still incredible confused as to what I should do.
I'm (24F) 5 months into my first serious relationship with my partner (30M) and I've noticed a pattern that's really hurting my feelings and making me doubt my future plans with him. My boyfriend works as a Chef and are very rarely home earlier than 11pm each workday. I am well aware that working in a kitchen means having long days (I met him when I was a waitress) and I accept the amount of hours he have to put into it, I knew what I was walking into, when it comes to his Job, he also knows that, as we have talked about it (hes getting a promotion in fall so then i will see him even less and theres a high probability i will have to move across the country or to a different country next summer for my education). I also knew that my boyfriend have a long time friend which I would have to accept like a package deal if I wanted a relationship with him, I just had no idea it would be as extreme as it is. His friend (lets call him Joe 28M) is the type of person that takes rejections personal, has barely any situational awareness and doesn't understand the need for privacy in a relationship. He's used to being in a relationship himself, however as I'm my boyfriends first partner in 11years, Joe have never seen my boyfriend in a relationship before and are used to being prioritized after work. Joe and his girlfriend broke up 4 months ago, and he have moved into the city where both my boyfriend and I live separately. He now lives 7min walking distance from my boyfriend, so there's plenty of opportunities for them to see each other when I'm not around. Now we get to the part that's bothering me. A month ago I was at my boyfriends place for a week, every single day he got home from work at around 10:30-11:30pm, he gave me a quick hug and kisses and then asked if it was okay if he went down to Joe's. In the beginning it didn't bother me as I believe friendships are still important even if you're dating someone so I said it was okay. Where I messed up was when he asked me the third day in a row and I let him go even when I could feel it hurt me, I was just so scared to be seen as the villian as I wish Joe will see me as a good partner for my boyfriend. During the forth day my period is hitting me hard and my hormones and cravings are all over the place. I ask him if he could bring some snacks home and he is kind enough to do it. I greet him at the door like usual, more excited as my cravings can be fulfilled and because I was looking forward to spend time with him. He then asks if it's okay if he goes out drinking with Joe and a friend. He literally watches my excitement disappear and tears welling up as he waits for an answer (he comments on it). He mentions that when he got the message from Joe that he knew I would be disappointed (I still don't understand why he didn't just decline the invitation and stay home if he knew that) because there was a third party involved this time, I again couldn't make myself say no to him even though my heart was hurting. Through all these days not once was he home before 3am, the last day he was home at 4:45am. The fifth day (his off day and mine) was reserved for me and had been for 2 weeks. I went to school at 9am to practice for my exam and were there for way longer than usual because I was hurt and trying to control my emotions before returning to him. I also secretly wished that he would wake up and ask where I was, but that didn't happen as he was still asleep when I returned at 2pm. He woke up and asked me if I was mad, I sad no but that I was irritated and hurt. We tried to talk it out but he got defensive even though I admitted I messed up by not saying no when he asked. I asked if i should just leave and decided to go home after asking multiple times with no productive response from him, I felt we needed time apart to cool down and think things through. I contacted him in the afternoon to apologize for my reaction to the situation however I also said that I wouldn't apologize for my words as I meant what I said to him. I first got a text from him 4 days later, after I had contacted him again the day before to find a day we could talk things through and fix things. The day after his text we talk and promises each other that I will do my utmost best to say no when I can feel I need to, and he will priorities spending time with me when I'm at his apartment.
Fast forward to this week, it happened again. I'm the type to always ask permission to sleep over as it's not my home, my boyfriend said there was no need to as he always expects me to sleepover. Friday the 10th we were out shopping when his mom calls (so we could finally meet each other) and they start planning after his schedule without even considering if I have other plans, luckily enough they chose Monday instead of Friday the 17th. The day after the shopping trip Joe was hospitalized for appendicitis and needed a ride home and wasn't allowed to be alone for the first 24 hours. He also needed his medicine through a needle for 7 days which he needed someone else to do to him as he couldnt make himself, that's fair enough.. My boyfriend had to sleep at Joe's and that was the right thing to do as it was an emergency, I also expected him to sleep over the second day as I take no chances when it comes to people's health. Third day My boyfriend and I are meeting his mom so Joe have to find another to poke him, he found someone with experience to do it. Tuesday he contacts me to give him his medicine as my boyfriend is working and he doesn't trust the two friends at his apartment to do it. Alright I go and do it, we end up talking about my boyfriend and i mention that i want a a little alone time with the man i love...his response "We can do things together, thats what we did when I was in a relationship" apparently he didnt understand me and i didnt want to start an argument when his 2 friends was still there...my boyfriend joins us later and we go home at around 1am. Wednesday my Boyfriend goes to give the medicine after work, that's okay but he is first home at 3am. Thursday I join them as I'm tired of not having time with my boyfriend. Joe gets the medicine and suddenly have this idea that he and my boyfriend needs to drive out of city to visit a friend and deliver some things in the middle of the night and it can't wait (Joe aren't allowed to drive when his medicated). When we get to the car I ask if it's something that will take a long time as I'm contemplating joining them or going to my boyfriends place, Boyfriend says it's probably best I just go home to his. Again he's first home around 3am as both he and Joe fell asleep at Joe's.... Friday the 17th, Boyfriend finally has a day off and so do I, we have plans to have dinner with my mom in the evening which he agreed to 3 days prior. There's no food in the fridge so he goes grocery shopping, when he comes back Joe is with him, I didn't even get a warning so I could decide if I wanted to be there or not, I get that it's his apartment however I find it disrespectful that I don't even get a text or something. Boyfriend makes the food and while we eat he suddenly invites Joe to a concert where chill and romantic music gets played, which he also invited me to months prior, like a date...Joe suddenly asks when we think we will be home from my mom's (mind you I have told my boyfriend two times both this day and Thursday, that Joe needs to find another to poke him that day) I answer and say I don't know the earliest will probably be 10pm. My boyfriend answers and says " Oh no problem! If it's 10pm we have plenty of time to get home so I can do it, you make it sound like we will be there late."....like..I don't...seriously?! I feel like he doesn't want to priorities our relationship. When we're done eating I do the dishes as he made the food and they just leave, I finish up and go to a friend's as I am incredible hurt and needs someone to listen to as I'm again in the midst of my period and don't know if I'm being irrational or if I need to be concerned. I told my boyfriend that we leave at 5pm at the latest, he calls me at 4:15 to hear where I am, I tell him and he says that he expected me to be home when he got there. I of course seem off when I get to his place and he asks me if we need to talk. I simply reply that it's not a conversation we should take today. Whole car ride is silent, when we get to my mom's, everything seems fine and we are acting lovingly towards each other as we don't wan't to worry my family. At 11:20pm on the way home he asks if I wanna talk about it now, I again decline and tells him that it's not a conversation I wanna have while I'm on my period as my hormones are all over the place, I'm sensitive and take things personal and that -in my opinion- doesn't make a good fundamental platform to have a productive conversation. He continuesly asks and I give him the same answer again and again even telling him that I need time to think things through as I want to make sure I'm not being irrational. I pack my bags when we get to his (I'm visiting my dad so I need the stuff) and he drives me home. When we're in front of my door he gives me a lecture about how communication is important and if I won't tell him what's bothering me our relationship won't last, he even said that he thinks my friends have said something to make me like this, I told him I needed to see them and he said "thats okay, I'm with Joe"...I know that's the problem, we never just have time for ourselves....I was SO close to giving him a passive aggressive answer however I also know that won't help the situation.
The fact that both Joe and my boyfriend are together every day for hours on end when they are well aware that I'm home alone in my boyfriend's apartment, I find incredible disrespectful towards me and my free time. If I wanted to be alone I would be in my own apartment, I told him that when when we had or first argument a month ago. I feel like I'm being taken for granted, the fact that he just expects me to be at his place whenever he decides to be there, or makes plans without consulting me - especially if I'm involved in the plans- are disrespectful and unkind. He often tells me that he loves me and I'm sure he does...just not the way I need him to. I need quality time just him and I, no friends, no family just us for my love tank to be refilled..I've had none of that during this week I even told him that I needed more love and attention because of my period and its like he didn't listen and take it seriously. Yes he takes me out to dinner and makes homemade food, I appreciate it and to help him out I sometimes cleans his apartment and does the laundry as he barely have any off days to do it. However I find it hard to appreciate when we're eating out as Joe is often thirdwheeling...I've even asked my boyfriend what I need to do to make him feel appreciated and loved as I've told him my love language but I don't know his, I didn't really get an answer.. All the frustrations about this week I will talk to him about this Tuesday, if he can't be with me physically for a week I need him to at least write me each 48 hours as I'm tired of always being the one initiating conversations. I of course will also set boundaries and tell him how much quality time I need to feel loved and safe. If this is how things are gonna go every time I'm at his for a week or more, I don't feel comfortable by the thought of moving in together, we've talked about marriage and kids for the future but if these weeks are any indication for how it will be like living with him, it won't happen...I love him, I truly do and thats why this situation hurt me so much, thats why i try so hard to make him feel loved and to fix things...but I also have too much self respect to accept this behavior from him and his friend. If he don't want to priorities our relationship after his Job, we won't have a healthy relationship where both parties are happy. We both have traumas from past relationships and parents, which of course doesn't make things easier, however in my opinion it is no excuse to neglect each other's needs.
I'm sorry for the rambling, and I appreciate if you've read this far. I could use an outside perspective on our situation as friends and family often times have a biased opinion.
Thanks for reading
TLDR I feel underappriciated in my relationship and wonder if I'm asking for too much