It's been a feeling I've had for a long time. I know logically that it doesn't make sense and that things don't work like that, but it's happened too much. Especially on or around my birthday. I've had a friend fall and need stitches on my birthday, I've had one get accidentally set on fire going too close to a tiki torch. I was essentially kicked out of a school I went to because of my disability (long story, it was a private school so we weren't really sure what the legality of that is, and didn't want me going somewhere they died want me even if we could force them). I've had the typical experiences of being forgotten by family or friends, invited people to parties or hangouts nobody came to.
But my luck isn't only bad on my birthday, at this point things have gotten comically bad, one thing after another before I've even had time to recover. A pet recently had to be put down, his brother was showing signs of the same issues THAT DAY. And he's had to have 2 surgeries already that I really can't afford, and literally less than a day after the surgery it looks like it's back and I'm crushed that I spent a grand of money I don't have begging and pleading to help him because I can't lose another so soon, and it was all for nothing. I've had a series of failed relationships, including a long term girlfriend who started dropping L-bombs and then ghosted me completely, I went on a couple dates after that, even ones I thought went really well and poof, they ghosted me too. And one of the people who ghosted me ended up pulling some cruel prank on me a while after. I started seeing someone recently I really liked, and despite us working really well together there a re other complications that make it pretty clear we will never be a thing. A friend brought me out to distract me from the BS? I drop my phone and the screen shatters while we are out. I scheduled a tattoo as a birthday gift to myself before my second pet started having rapidly spreading health issues that I knew were going to cripple me financially, and I have someone who's helping me with that but won't be able to for a while, the day I was gonna get the tattoo it had to be canceled for unrelated reasons qnd pushed off, she already made the design and set asside a day for my appointment so I'd hate to cancel know, especially when I really really wanted this one thing for myself, but id hate to just keep chucking expenses on my card.
Oh and it gets so much better, I come to pick up some food from my mom today, who tells me my dad probably has cancer. He's getting the tests done tomorrow and they're saying that even if it is cancer it's a very slow moving one, but he's already in his 80s...
I legitimately feel cursed, I feel poisonous, like anything that makes me happy just keeps slipping through my fingers small or large, and all I do is bring suffering to the people around me, weather it's directly because seeing all this shit keep happening is causing them pain when they can't help, or honestly sometimes I feel like my luck is contagious and bad things start happening to people's who try and get close to me.
I had a confrontation with my girlfriend who ghosted me after like a month had passed to air things out and she basically admitted that she doesn't really have an excuse, that she loves me but my feelings can be catchy, and she's got too much going on in her life right now to be able to handle my pain amd need for support on top of that, and was too cowardly to tell me this and face the facts.
I couldn't even bring myself to be mad. I was just numb. I feel cold and I feel alone, like everything is on my shoulders and it's all on the verge of falling apart if not actively doing so. It's never enough. People keep telling me I'm so strong for managing all of this but I'm tired. I don't want to be strong anymore. I just want to be happy. I just want to feel at peace and have SOMETHING in my life that I don't think is going to crumble at my touch.
It's been plaguing my mind. I know it doesn't make logical sense but I just can't shake the feeling that the universe is out to get me, or that I'm being punished for something, the idea that I'm being punished for trying to be happy or thinking I deserve to be keeps coming up. I know it does make logical sense but every time I think I've reached my limit or found SOMETHING to enjoy about life some other huge curveball heads my way. I'm just so tired and I don't know how much more of it I can handle.
I know I have certain privileges and advantages others don't, I know there are people out there with far worse lives than me but that doesn't change how burnt out and empty I feel. I feel like I have nothing left in me and I just keep being squeezed for more and more, i keep pushing, keep trying, but what choice do I have?

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/gmPeVDa
Number and Item // Google Search Price // My Price

1. MSM Nalgene Bottle Corset // $37 // $20
   
2. T3 Tactical Small Dump Pouch // $51 // $25
   
3. First Spear Grid Reference Guide Pouch 6/9 // $73 // $35
   
4. ATS Tactical Single Shingle 7.62 // $24.99 // $12
   
5. SKD PIG BRIG CR 3 Mag // $55 // $35
   
6. US Army Combat Shirt Medium // $59 // $30
   
7. ESSTAC Triple Daeodon Midlength NO KWYIs // $68 // $35
   
8. ATS Tactical Triple Shingle 7.62 // $42.99 // $28
   
9. Blue Force Gear Ten-Speed Triple M4 // $62 // $35
   
10. ESSTAC Daeodon Hydration Carrier // $65 // $40
    
11. ESSTAC Daeodon Plate Carrier Medium SAPI // $250 // $190
    
12. ATS Tactical Triple Shingle 5.56 // $40 // $20
    
13. Maxpedition Rollypoly Dump Pouch (label removed) // $33 // $16
    
14. Tactical Tailor Tourniquet Pouch // $18 // $13
    
15. ESSTAC 7rd Shotgun Card // $15 // $12
    
16. HSGI Modular Single Pistol Mag Pouch // $20 // $10
    
17. Warrior Assault Systems Chest Rig // $197 // $120
    
18. First Spear SCAR-H Chest Rig // $120 // $80
    
19. Rifle Length Pistol Buffer Tube // $40 // $20
    
20. TangoDown PR-4 // $85 // $45
    
21. Raven Concealment Balor for Aimpoint T-1 (modified for screw removal) // $200 // $100
    
22. American Defense Mfg ADM EOTech QD Riser Mount for EXPS and Magnifier // $157 // $110
    
23. Insight M3X Kit with accessories and case // $175 // $100
    
24. McCann Industries MIRS/M24, painted // $500 // $400
    
25. Colt N-1 CAR stock, salty // $? // $100
    
26. M-24 Flash Hider // $? // $100
    
27. Norotos 3-Hole Universal Shroud // $50 // $50
    
28. Norotos USGI Rhino Mount Arm // $40 // $40
    
29. DI Optical EG1 Korean Red Dot // $469 // $400
    
30. DI Optical 3XP Korean Magnifier with ADM Mount // $? // $300
    
31. SureFire XH50G // $791 // $500
    
32. SureFire X300-A Turbo // $332 // $260
    
33. Sig Romeo 4T in Unity FAST Mount // $? // $500
    
34. Sig Romeo 4T in Scalarworks 1.93 Mount // $? // $500
    
35. Aimpoint T-1 2 MOA with cover in Scalarworks 1.5 Mount // $? // $500
    
36. Unity Omni Magnifier FTC Mount // $265 // $200
    
37. Wilcox L4 G24 Mount // $500 // $400
    
38. Norotos AKA2 Mount // $500 // $150
    
39. Magpul Straight 20 P-Mag // $? // $80
    
40. RangeTech Bluetooth Shot Timer // $80 // $65
    
41. PVS7 / PVS14 3x Magnifier // $115 // $100
    
42. Insight RMT-400-A8 Dual Switch Rail Mounted // $120 // $80
    
43. Scalarworks 34mm 1.93 LEAP // $399 // $270
    
44. BCM Mod 3 Vertical Grip MLOK // $19 // $14
    
45. Slate Black Industries Slate Stop MLOK // $18 // $14
    
46. BCM KAG MLOK // $19 // $14
    
47. Magpul MVG // $23 // $14
    
48. Magpul RVG // $25 // $16
    
49. Magpul RVG Chopped // $25 // $12
    
50. BCM Mod 3 Vertical Grip Picatinny // $20 // $14
    
51. Unity Hot Button Picatinny Insight Crane // $108 // $75
    
52. Knights Armament NT-4 Flashhider with shims // $68 // $68
    
53. Magpul MOE Bipod in AimShot MLOK QD mount // $110 // $85
    
54. SureFire XC2 // $549 // $250
    
55. Safariland ALS SLS for Glock 19/SureFire XC2 // $185 // $110
    
56. Insight 40mm Day/Night Sight // $? // $600
    
57. SureFire Helmet Light, no mount // $? // $30
    
58. SureFire Helmet Light, no mount // $? // $30
    
59. Schmidt coated single stage triggehammer with JP Enterprises spring pack // $? // $50
    
60. MK18 Upper Receiver Group - Colt CAGE Code Upper, FN CAGE Code barrel, KAC NT-4 flashhider, Coronet Machinery Gas Block, Matech rear sight, KAC front sight // $? // $900
    
61. Simunition Upper Receiver Group - 9mm with Midwest Industries Keymod rail and three magazines // $? // $600
    
62. SureFire FH762MG Flash Hider for M240 // $179 // $150
    
63. Ops-Core H-Nape, with hardware // $35 // $35
    
64. Revision Desert Locust Goggles // $30 // $30
    
65. Revision Sawfly Glasses // $40 // $25
    
66. Revision Stingerhawk Glasses // $40 // $25
    
67. Peltor Push-to-talk PTT, with Cover, for PRC 6-Pin // $40 // $25
    
68. Peltor Push-to-talk PTT, for PRC 6-Pin // $40 // $25
    
69. Thales Hand Microphone, for PRC 6-Pin // $40 // $25
    
70. Woodland Load Bearing Kit - Tactical Tailor Belt, LC-1 Suspenders, magazine pouches, general purpose pouches, grenade pouches, flashbang pouch, 40mm pouches, first-aid kit pouches, radio pouch, and compression pouch. The pictured canteens are NOT included // $? // $200
    
71. Eagle Industries SFLCS in MJK; I don't think this is a complete kit but it certainly includes a lot. You can probably outfit an entire fire-team with load carriage with everything included. A little dated but still bombproof // $? // $500
    

I accept Venmo or Paypal. Buyer pays G&S fees or sends to me via F&F (reminder, no notes). Prices do not include shipping; I'll send you a shipping cost based on the size/quantity of items you are buying.
I am open to trades, but do not need AR15/Glock parts unless included in my trade-list below.
Trades: Holosun 507 Comp, Riflespeed RS7519, LMT 13" MLOK Upper Only, Sig Romeo 4T or 4XT Pro

I honestly believe they wouldn’t last as long as we did with this disorder. They’d be crying and ready to call it quits within a month. Wondering why they can’t get help. Crying their eyes out at night. Not having enough energy to live life. They’d honestly be the biggest babies ever if they ever had to deal with what we did. I’m not wishing this on anyone but I just wish we could swap places with these people so they can take us more seriously.
I’m on the verge of dying currently. Malnourished, facial spasms, no energy to get out of bed before 3pm-5pm. Extremely frail, can barely stand or walk for longer than 15-30 minutes and doctors still look at me in this condition and tell me they can do nothing to help. Oh how I wish we could trade places for 3 months and see how much would change in the treatment of MCAS.
Anywho go enjoy your day if you can

Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/OffMyChestPH/s/rZznjBrMXb
This is the second night with her.
Since maraming nag request ng update here we go. This one is a long read(you guys asked for this)
So a lil sumthing about me. I'm not really a nice guy. I wouldn't call myself a bad dude either but I'm the type of dude na I won't let my sisters to date. I'm not the ideal.
So yep, sinundo ko s'ya hotel n'ya. That was 5pm. She's so awkward talaga as ever. I tried opening the door for her pero naunahan n'ya ako. She didn't know kung saan kame pupunta but plinano ko na pupunta kame sa cat cafe since I know how much she loves cats dahil majority ng captured pictures n'ya sa phone ay mga pusa n'ya na observe ko nung first date namin.
Oh and before the date lininis ko talaga yung kotse ko carwash/vacuum. Even bought a new cabin air filter.
Anyways during the trip I was just asking her abt her day and the previous day. Wala parin s'yang idea sa pupuntahan namin. Pero nung nag papark na kame nakita n'ya yung cat cafe and nanliwanag yung mata n'ya. Iba rin yung ligaya na naramdaman ko pag nakikita ko ren yung saya n'ya. She got excited and we stayed there for an hour hahah. Bought her a t-shirt and crocs charms na souvenir ng cafe. I also like the fact na she's willing to pay her part everytime we spend something. But I've never let her spent anything while she's with me. So tapos na kame don. And after non di n'ya parin alam kung san na kame pupunta little did she know we're going to another cat cafe na mas maganda. Buttt di kame umabot kase closing na nung dumating kame don hahah nasa mall yon and medyo crowded. So I initiated to hold hands dahil I wanna keep track of her dahil nawawala s'ya sa peripheral vision at medyo mabagal s'yang maglakad talaga or mabilis ako hahah. Pati pag holding hands ang awkward n'ya na di marunong. So we walked around the city again while planning kung san pupunta. And while crossing one of the roads tinangal n'ya yung Crocs dahil madudulas daw s'ya. Maulan kase so basa yung kalsada. So naka paa s'ya hahah weirdo. Kaya biglang binuhat ko na lang s'ya patawid hahah and I bought her a new set of tsinelas since pudpud na pala yung Crocs n'ya kaya pala sinabe n'yang madulas. So di n'ya rin pala magagalit yung charms na binili ko hahah 😅 and after that we went to the beach na malapit lang. We talked again while sitting on the sand honestly we struggle to communicate like normal and go deep. She's very bad at talking in person. And also the fact that she's nervous. But we ended up sharing our life back in highschool.
Oh I also took photos of her through out the date dahil I know she's also bad at taking pictures but she likes taking pictures of her and stuffs. And I know how it sucks to be by yourself all the time and only have one form of picture taking(selfie). I'll share it here(yes I'm just flexing how ethereal she is)
Well, after the beach we ended going to the arcade para mag escape room kame pagkatapos. We had fun even though she's really awkward and quiet. Sinabayan ko ren kaweirdohan n'ya by sniffing her armpit after every game namin kahit anong laroin namin 😆
Tapos somehow nakahanap ako ng rose flower na naiwan ng ibang costumer and I was smooth with it dahil inaamoy ko yung kili kili n'ya then I suddenly gave her the rose. Gosh, her reaction... She was really blushing. Apparently it's her first time receiving flowers from someone in person. Tagal den namen sa arcade kaya di na naabutang bukas yung susunod na pupuntahan namen.
Kaya deadset na kameng makahanap ng alak pero it was very late na at that point it basically just became a night ride with a lil purpose. We were just looking for places na bukas pa to look for alcohol. There's a cute interaction I had with one of the places we went pero di namin nagustohan. We were at the parking lot and naka upo lang sa kotse ko looking for the next place to go. And may matandang lalaki na pinababa bintana ko para makipag usap tungkol sa kotse ko at kinompliment n'ya at pinag usapan namen yung car and at the end of our convo in compliment rin ng s'ya nung matanda. Ang ganda n'ya daw pero tinawag n'ya s'yang asawa at girlfriend ko hahaha that felt so good even though we were together she got shookt ren dahil di ata s'ya sanay maka tangap ng compliments hahah
But yeah it was just an hour two of me driving and her on my passenger sit while hugging my Gengar plushie. I never take anyone on my passenger seat besides my plushie so she's basically my first passenger princess.
When we gave up to look for alcohol we just went sa 711 to get siopao and water. We finished the night at the beach again to talk and smoked a cigarette cause she wanted to try it hahah
I guess she wanted to get drunk so she can come out of her shell a lil bit? Kase when we tried talking she can't come up with anything. To describe her, she's basically not normal. She admits it too.
She suggested that I can just talk and she'll listen. Which is I'm no way used to at that time I was also kinda vulnerable and was gonna get emotional with her pero I told her na she can ask me anything then we can start from there.
She asked me the most unhinged thing and caught off guard. Aling betlog ko daw yung mas mababa 😭 and I guess it's one of the things I like about her. Like who tf asks that under the moon light in the beach after a date?
So I was expecting her to have an emotional conversation with me when that's not her. So I just watched her do her thing that makes her happy. We went through her phone hahah this time sa discord and ig n'ya. She was just yapping while showing stuffs and was just mesmerized the whole because that's how she expresses herself. I'm also very surprised na she doesn't really talk to other guys. We did that until inaantok na s'ya and that was around 330am. So sinamahan ko lng s'ya hangang sa elevator ng hotel. I didn't get to hug her or smell her armpit cause she rushed in dahil sobrang antok n'ya na.
Man, when I tell you. That was the longest 35 mins drive back home I ever had. I caught myself tearing up sa mga stop signs/red lights from the overwhelming emotions I'm having.
So anyways this is just some of the thoughts and details that I have to share of that night; like I said I'm not the best dude but I surprised myself that night. I had my phone on do not disturb because I wanted to enjoy the moment. Opened every door for her even sa car. Minimal physical contact like holding hands but not all the time and I cherished every single moment of it. I ALWAYS asked how she's feeling every chance I get. I asked her what her boundaries are so I won't ever make her uncomfy. Which she didn't answer for some reason that I'll never know. I observed her and wanted to learn her. Never had her spend money the whole time she's with me.
Hmmm. I really went beyond and surprised of myself. My main objective of that night was just her happiness.
Honestly I was just scared of asking her what she feels about me... Part of me thinks na it's only platonic on her side or that she's not as emotionally invested on my side. Which is fine by me but it stings. Kase I never really know her intentions from the yellow app wether she's looking for a friend or something else. Also caught her stalking my profile sa bumble so baka crush nyako hehe(delulu). And there's also the underlying bittersweet fact na we both know there's an ending to it. Uuwi ren s'ya in a couple days. And as for me I know from myself na I never do LDR. But still, I wanted to do my best for her. Even though I know we are not the endgame. I want to be her standard. I want to give her the best couple nights she can have so she'll have something to remember for a very long time on her life. She somehow made me a better person that night. So yeah guys I'll have to cut this post since I'm getting kinda teary na. There's so much more I wanted to share but words cannot describe it so yeah I did the best I can to share ;))
Oh and yes, we're going on a date again later tonight ofc ;))

I had my son four months ago and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me (other than my husband). I love him more than words can express and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
But I'm spiralling. I've felt it coming for a while now and I know it's because I'm a working mom. I work 12 hr shifts being in healthcare and it hurts so much being away from him that long. My husband and I have been blessed that one of us had been able to be home for the last four months because of state paid child bonding leave even though we both need to work to pay the bills.
My husband goes back to work from his leave in a few weeks and my son will be going to daycare and in order to afford it I'm picking up an extra shift a week once daycare starts. Oh and part time isn't a option since every place we've looked into is only doing full time admission. We make too much to get any real help from the government and both our families can't take him in order for us to have a parent home while the other works. I already switched from working nights to days because my husband and I knew that would be best for us, so that was a cut to my pay.
I'm barely surviving three shifts, I don't know how I'm going to do four. Besides that I'm having to change how I care for him to prepare him for daycare.
I hate it. I hate having to teach my baby to sleep without someone holding him because the daycare won't. I hate thinking that the daycare is going to see a lot of his firsts. I hate that I'm pumping instead of just feeding him.
I just want to be his mom, but I can't. It's killing me inside. I don't have PPD, I already took that test. I'm just a mom with no options.

So a week ago I started working with Freyja after possibly a million dreams she sent me to give me a message and letting me know she’s the lingering deity I had felt so long ago. I did a spell and a rune reading which let me know very quickly how vastly powerful Freyja is. I had worked with only Loki beforehand, and was not expecting nor prepared for the power I would feel with her working with me. With this in mind, I decided to inquire about my love life. Me and my partner had broken up, but still stayed “dating” and having sex while “separate”. I asked her to make the answer clear to me if he was meant to stick around or if he was using me for pleasure. Boy oh boy did I not expect the immediate answer I would get….
My partner then within a day, admitted to lying about what he was doing so he could avoid spending time with me. This was then followed by him essentially totaling his car and begging me to come down to help him. So I obliged without further thought. But then when I got down here I realized that 1. I no longer needed him like I thought I did And 2. He was using me to heal and help him when he wouldn’t try to do it himself.
So this weekend that was supposed to be our 1 year anniversary, was full of lies, hurt, and disappointment. I (out of a moment of weakness and drunken distrust) decided to go through his phone last night. What I found was worse than I’d ever imagined he would do. He was not only talking to exes about how he missed them, not only flirting and trying to sleep with other people while keeping me on the hook, but he was ALSO talking mad shit about me to everyone except me (obviously). So I am no longer in love with this man, but I’ve promised Freyja to do a spell on him (probably a mix of healing and hex) this Friday. Ironically the moon will be full and it’s a full moon in Sagittarius, which is MY MOON SIGN!!! So when I warn you and tell you that Freyja not only doesn’t fuck around, she works fast. I’m not kidding. I never thought a year long, healthy relationship would end so swiftly with such gross feelings and realizations.
Praise the almighty Goddess, the Sorceress, the Seeress, and the beautiful Freyja. I thank you for clearing my path and showing me the way.

Hey just needed someone to tell this too so reddit it is :) I’m 16 and gay I have been crushing on girls since elementary before I even knew what it meant to be gay. When I realized I was gay I got very upset and absolutely refused to believe, but now I have come to terms with it. Anyway, my mom is kinda homophobic. I say kinda bc sometimes she’s like okay with it and sometimes she thinks it’s absolutely disgusting. She oddly has a very good gaydar…which confuses the fuck out of me bc I literally REFUSED to wear dresses or the color pink, loved to wear baseball caps, was friends with all boys, shit I remember helping her hang something and got really upset when she said I could work with my shirt off like my dad, so idk how she doesn’t know i’m gay but that’s besides the point.
Where I was going with this is I love Dance Moms and she does too so ofc we watched the reunion (this was a couple weeks ago) Obv JoJo is in it, and my mom knows she is gay. JoJo has always been a lil joke in my family, like for my 13 bd my mom and brother thought it’d be funny to throw me a JoJo Siwa themed party. My mom was not thrilled to find out she is gay, she will make comments about it sometimes but it’s whatever.
Now the point of this post (I’m talking to much) is that I LOVE Chole she is like my fav human ever and my mom likes her too. I knew she was gay, but my mom had no idea. We watched the reunion on May 2nd so it was already out and I had seen a clip of it where Chole is talking about dating Brooklinn and it was so sweet it made me cry, but I was holding my breath the whole time watching w my mom and when the clip came on my heart was literally beating out my chest. I think I was so nervous bc it’s one thing when she doesn’t like somebody for being queer and I don’t really love them, but to be upset with Chole just for being gay ahh no.
Her first reaction was “Oh come on she’s a lesbian?” but then I add that she had been for a while and her and her gf are really happy together. She got quiet for a bit especially when Chole was crying as her mom was supporting her. It went to adds and she remained quite and then said “well I guess I can’t blame her men suck these day”. My dad’s a shitty dude and she and her bf just broke up. Is that comment a good thing? You think she will be more accepting when I come out? When I come out will she thinks it’s just bc men are dumb and not bc I’m really gay? Idk

So I matched w this guy on the apps, we made plans to go out but it didn’t work. I thought he was working late and had plans w his coworkers.. turns out he just went drinking after a wfh day. So anyway i told him we can do next week but he never replied to me.
I make my app again and he saw my profile because he replied oh this is funny we meet again. So I said no we never met because he didn’t reply. He said he never noticed the message. We actually met up and texted after for 3 days and he disappeared again. From iMessage text
So i unmatched him on hinge and just deleted the account. My friend helped me remake it (2 months after first matching him) and she saw him and wanted to send a like but I told her what happened. She said ok then tell him “ you’re on here” anyway he replied and said “yea, are you gonna invite me out..” and I said “you want me to ask you on a date?” He said “lmk when and I’ll come to your area” idk what that means. My friend thinks he is a cool guy for me, and my other friends agree and I’m reading too much into it. I think im a bit silly for even re matching so many times and I know this may sound childish but I need help
Just to add: I did post about this general situation as it developed but this is where it’s at now and my last thing on it

It is our great pleasure to announce that u/Blindtomusic is our Photographer of the Week. This accolade has been awarded based upon the number of votes during week 18, with this post having received the most when searching by top submission: https://www.reddit.com/analog/comments/1chonc3/pentax_67_e100/

Thank you for choosing to feature my photograph, I am honored!

• How long have you been taking photographs?

I started taking photos in 2011, I was working as a company grip on George Lucas’ “Red Tails” and met Philip Bloom. Philip was working as a cinematographer specializing in DSLR videography. While I was having a conversation on set with him, he mentioned that the canon t2i had the same sensor as the 7d that we were using for principal photography and that they only cost $699. I went and bought one that weekend. I still have it. My 3 year old son uses it with the 18-200 kit lens as his learner now.

• Why do you take photographs? What are you looking to get out of it?

I take photographs as an attempt to tell a story in a single frame. Working on motion pictures has trained me in the complexity of telling stories at 24 frames per second. I am focused on learning composition as a single frame storyteller so that when I decide to shoot a motion picture film, I will be able to draw on that understanding. Though, admittedly, most of my photography these days is focused on documenting my two young children.

• What inspired you to take this (group of) photo(s)?

This photo was a spur of the moment decision. It was during a commercial we were shooting for Siggi’s Yogurt. I was watching a set dresser skim the duckweed off the pond with the paddle of the canoe and I realized that if I ran down to the edge of the water and got my placement right on his next paddle back, I might be able to get him centered in the pond with the atmosphere from the smoke machine playing behind him. This was the first frame on a roll of Kodak Gold 200.

• Do you self develop or get a lab to process your film?

I have a lab do all of my film these days. When I was starting out, I would tank develop my 4x5 B&W, but after I ruined a batch that were photos of my cousin by using developer that was fully saturated, I haven’t trusted myself to do it since. I’ve had the good fortune to use Underdog Film Lab in Oakland, California, primarily for the last couple of months and I highly recommend them.

• What first interested you in analog photography?

My friend who I have known for twenty years dragged me to the local camera shop and twisted my arm into buying a 4x5 technika and enough equipment to sink develop at home using rodinal with 320TXP and developing to completion. Using that process, we got low contrast negatives that had a very high latitude and could be shot at 800iso allowing for some creative choices not often associated with large format, such as higher shutter speeds and more candid photography. I was hooked. I have since picked up two pentax 67 SLRs and a Deardorff v8 8x10.

• What is your favourite piece of equipment (camera, film, or other) and why?

It’s hard to choose just one piece of equipment, but my favorite combination would be the Deardorff v8 8x10 camera combined with E100 or Provia 100F and one of the focal combinations of my Cooke XVa set. I’m particularly fond of the two rear elements. In combination, they produce a 273mm lens which is slightly wider than normal for that format. Some of the images I’ve made using this kit are truly stunning. The other piece of my kit that I can’t forget to mention are my two Pentax 67s and 90mm f2.8. I love the focal length and quality of that lens. I have a 75mm f2.8 that I use seldomly but it’s also a nice one. I no longer care for the 105mm f2.4 since the slightly telephoto optical group is a little masculine for my style of portraiture and slightly too tight for the landscapes I find myself shooting on that format.

• Do you have a tip or technique that other film photographers should try?

I think everyone who shoots film or who wants to be serious about their digital photography should get comfortable and confident using a spot meter. The way I use mine is to decide in the moment exactly what in my frame I would like to be represented as neutral grey. Then spot that object and set my camera to that reading. If I am using it to spot meter a person, it’s very important to realize that the meter doesn’t care what skin tone you are attempting to represent, it will give you a reading to make that skin tone neutral grey. So it is important to decide what zone that person should represent and then compensate accordingly. Alternatively, carrying an actual grey card to spot meter in place of the subject will help you achieve an exposure reflecting reality.

• Do you have a link to more of your work or an online portfolio you would like to share?

I have an Instagram account that is mostly populated with images of my family, but it’s all film. I post my work there primarily. Eventually I will put up a portfolio, but my 3 year old and 9 month old sons keep me busy.

• Do you have a favourite analog photographer or analog photography web site you would like to recommend?

I am a huge fan of both Natalie Oberg and Alex Burke with the former representing a talented B&W landscape photographer and the latter representing a talented color landscape photographer.

• Is there anything else you would like to add about yourself or your photography?

I am a Filmmaker by trade. I see my photography as a way to become better at the job that I have devoted my professional life to mastering.

N.B. u/Blindtomusic asked if we could change the post title since they found out after referring to the negatives that the film stock was Kodak Gold 200 not Kodak E100 as originally though. Sadly, it's not possible to chage the post title after submission, but I thought it worth noting the new detail here.

Sorry if this is a bit disjointed and long, there's a TL;DR at the end. I just had my LEEP on Thursday and wanted to share my experience. Hopefully this soothes a fellow over-thinker.
Background: 30 yr old female, 130 lbs, 5'2". No moderate, severe or chronic health conditions.
I was diagnosed with high-risk (HR) HPV with LSIL/abnormal cells in February of this year. Not 16/18, but another HR strain. I got at least one shot of the HPV vaccine before I turned 26 so I was really shocked at this. I had a complete emotional breakdown because of the connection to HPV and cervical cancer, plus I just felt....dirty. I've gone through my sexually active years without getting as much as a yeast infection, and now I had just been hit with an STI, and the one that causes cancer. I went into a pretty deep depression and honestly I'm still in that depression zone but not nearly as much. I did a ton of research and my findings told me that even if it was cancer, it's one of the most curable ones especially given my age, health, etc.
My primary doctor referred me to a gyno's office connected to the hospital I go to, and I scheduled an appointment for March 1st. Gyno (who was actually not an OBGYN but an APRN/midwife?) basically did a slightly more advanced exam/questionnaire then I got another referral to an actual OBGYN for a colposcopy and scheduled it for April 1st. I thought I would have the colpo/biopsy with the APRN during my March appointment but I guess that's just a "yeah your primary is right you need a colpo" step. Idk, very confusing.
April 1st comes, the doctor that was available for that date (I wanted to get this done asap) had some less than favorable reviews on the internet so that made me a little uneasy. Between each appointment I was spending hours researching, redditing, googling, youtubing etc. so I wouldn't go into this completely ignorant and hopefully minimize the chance of any BS being pulled.
My doctor was, to my surprise, very chill, professional and knowledgeable. Took time to answer all my questions, we even had some laughs. Please ladies, find a doctor that makes you feel comfortable if you can. No question is a silly question and no doctor or nurse should make you feel like you're stupid for raising concerns or asking a lot of questions. If you feel something is off or a doc is being an a-hole, that's your sign to GTFO and find another doctor. Pleasant staff make this experience so much better.
The colpo: wasn't that bad. They crack you open like a pistachio with a speculum (like they would use for pap smear) and take a look at your cervix with this scope. A vinegar solution is applied to highlight the abnormal cells. My doc's colpo machine did have a screen that could show me what he was seeing, although it wasn't working and honestly I'm glad. I think seeing what was going on inside of me would make me worry more. So I just had to take my doctor's word for it when he said the area of abnormal cells was small.
I had a punch biopsy done during my colpo and oh man. It hurt. I wasn't instructed to take ibuprofen beforehand. I'm not sure if they didn't think I would need a biopsy or what but holy crap. 2 samples were taken, at 12 o'clock and 6 o'clock on my cervix, and I received a curettage as well. The curettage didn't hurt or was minor in comparison to the biopsy. After the biopsy, a "liquid bandage" was applied, this bandage is called Monsel's solution I believe. It's a mustard yellow paste.
The biopsy caused immediate moderate cramping and pain. The "6 o'clock" one, which was a larger sample, made me flinch and let out a little yelp. 6 o'clock hurt a lot. I will say that my doctor talked about what he was going to do before doing or as he was doing it so it's not like I was taken entirely by surprise. However, you don't realize how sensitive your cervix is until a chunk is taken from it.
After the biopsy, I felt this dull pain, nausea and cramping and apparently had excessive bleeding. Dribbles of blood were present on the procedure chair and floor, some of which had been cleaned up by the nurse/assistant prior to me sitting up so who knows how much was there. Doc confirmed this excessive bleeding in my after visit summary, but it wasn't so much so that it warranted some kind of emergency. I experienced some spotting for about 2 to 3 days after. I expected more blood in my pads but that never happened. I think seeing all this blood, knowing where it came from and why it was there made me even more nauseous.
The nausea and...weakness after the biopsy really had me messed up. I could barely focus as my doctor went into detail about what to possibly expect afterwards, what he saw (he even drew a little picture of my cervix), answered any questions I had. We said our goodbyes, I got dressed and made a mad dash to the waiting area's water cooler. I figured some cool water would calm my nerves and my stomach. I stupidly walked home after the procedure (I live in Chicago, very close to my doc's office). Nothing terrible happened but in hindsight, what if I passed out in the office, in the street? If you can ladies, have someone with you to get you home safely and for support. Or, at the very least, take an uber after.
After getting home I checked my pad, everything was good although I did have some "coffee grounds" in my pad from the Monsel's solution. The doc warned me about this and to expect it for a few days. I crashed on my couch for a little nap before going to a concert later that evening because I don't know how to take a day off.
The next month following my biopsy was largely uneventful, I did have intercourse about 2.5 weeks post-biopsy with no issues or pain, although the thought of infection and the whole process made it hard to enjoy sex (I healed up just fine so this was more unnecessary worrying). I didn't experience any pain, fever, or excessive bleeding, only some mild discomfort/cramping/lethargy (likely due to mentally stressing myself out) on day 2. I did however, experience one moment that freaked me out:
Day 3 post-biopsy: I got home from after work (my job requires me to be on my feet most of the day) and felt something in my vagina. It felt like a freshly inserted, regular sized tampon. I went to the bathroom, washed my hands and reached down to feel something coming out of me. Something was crowning and breaching my labial gates. I reached back down and slowly pulled out whatever object was in me. It felt like a horror movie. I knew I had inserted nothing.
Based on the feeling of said object, I thought my cervix was falling out of my body. I started panicking a bit. Panicking intensified after pulling out this...sac.
It looked alien. It was this membrane sac, about the size of a pitted date when rolled up. Within the sac contained those "coffee grounds." I knew it was the Monsel's solution and likely I had shed the liquid bandage. That logical thought didn't stop me from freaking out and gently wrapping my alien sac Starbucks trash baby in a piece of toilet paper and further sealing this HPV caused abomination into a Ziploc bag. My plan was to run to the ER and show them the freak I had given birth to.
Problem is, I had just lost my is insurance and was in process of getting a new plan, so a costly trip to the ER, waiting for hours for them to likely tell me I'm a panicky idiot wasn't really in the cards. So what does any overly anxious patient do? Turn to Dr. Google of course! I found a couple of reddit posts from women who had experienced the same thing but there wasn't much information on what had just slithered out of me. I found one of those "pay $5 for any kind of advice: legal, medical etc! Chat with an expert today!" sites that seemed legit enough. I got in chat with a doc quickly after some AI pre-chat prompts and he confirmed my suspicions: it was the Monsel's solution that I had expelled from my body. I was told this wasn't unusual and so long as I don't have an excessive bleeding, fever, pain, blah blah, I should be fine.
And I was fine. If you experience this and don't have any accompanying complications, you should be fine too. It is weird when it happens though.
My results came back about 2 weeks later. What was initially thought to be LSIL turned out to be HSIL/CIN-III, and my OBGYN told me I needed a LEEP sooner than later. My appointment was scheduled for next month and I still didn't have insurance. These month long waits between appointments were anxiety ridden depression fests, fueled by junk food and further exacerbated by internet research. The LEEP posts on Reddit had me so concerned, I reached out to my doctor to see if I could be put under general anesthesia for my LEEP, instead of receiving local anesthesia. Women on here described LEEPs as painful and traumatic. Just awful stuff. If you're reading this you've likely read those too. They described leg shaking after the shots, crying, etc. My doctor left me a detailed voice message and responded to my concerns with: "most women tolerate it well but if you're uncomfortable we'll send you to the hospital and put you under monitored sedation/anesthesia." I was still worried but was willing to see how I felt after local anesthesia. I was pleased he was open to working with me and my comfort level.
Fast forward to Wednesday last week:
The night before my LEEP, I got maybe an hour of sleep. I couldn't turn my mind off. My heart started racing an hour before my procedure and I had weird heart palpitations/irregular heart beat. I showered to calm myself down and be clean for my appointment, took 600 mg of ibuprofen as instructed, then headed out. Got a little snack from Starbucks (croissant for before since I was walking to my doc and some madeleines for after to help offset some potential nausea). For my LEEP I wore a big comfy sweater, some "period" leggings (leggings that aren't too tight and I don't care if they get blood on them) and brought a pad with me just in case. They should provide one for you but I'd rather be prepared. Got to the office, checked in, did the pregnancy urine test, got called in quickly, went through the whole height/weight/med history routine. About 5 mins later I sat down in my OBGYN's office. He described the lab findings (CIN-III), detailed the procedure, the tools and supplies they would use, aftercare and answered any questions I had. He then led me into a procedure room (pretty sure it was the same one I had my bloody biopsy in). I got undressed from the waist down like a pap, sat in the procedure chair, draped a little paper blanket over my bare bits and waited. The doctor came in with his nurse and went to work.
They again cracked me open with a speculum, this time it was rubberized on some parts. This is so your vagina doesn't get fried from the electrical current, otherwise your pubes and vulva will look like Marv in Home Alone. They also slapped a little rubber pad on my thigh to "ground" me like I'm some kind heavy duty machinery. Colpo machine comes forward so the doc can zoom in on your cervix. He applied 2 types of solution if I recall correctly: the normal vinegar solution to highlight abnormal cells and an iodine solution to highlight normal cells. Someone can correct me if that's wrong. The solutions and their uses were the least of my concerns.
He then went in with 4 lidocaine injections to numb the area, total of about 1 ml of lido I think. He used a very small needle and upon insertion, it felt like a little pinch. Now, for those afraid of needles, it is a long ish needle but the actual poke is minimal. Although some women report that the inject was the worst part. That was not the case here but the visual can be a bit alarming. After the first injection, I didn't feel the other 3. I felt comfortable going forward with the procedure, and my doc kept checking in with me to make sure I was ok. I did feel an increase in my heart rate post-lidocaine, but it wasn't concerning. I wasn't sure if this was from the "holy shit he's about to start zapping" or as a side effect of the lidocaine. Regardless, my heart rate came back down to a reasonable level given the circumstances in a few minutes. I was actually so comfortable at this point, I managed to relax my asscheeks after they were clamped together like a vise grip from the moment my derriere hit the chair.
I'm not really sure what happened after the injections, I knew he was using the LEEP machine but I don't know how long that lasted and when the wound was being created vs. cauterized as I didn't feel anything except some mild cramping/discomfort. I didn't flinch like I did with the biopsy. When the doc was finished, he applied a little bit of Monsel's, described how much he removed, went over aftercare again, we said our thank yous and goodbyes. I got dressed and went on my way, snacking on my madeleines on my way home (I walked again lol). I felt well post-procedure and even stopped at Target to do some shopping and smell some summer collection candles. I did feel myself bleeding but when I got home and checked the pad, there was a minimal amount of blood. Some women here have reported a distinct burning smell during their LEEP, I didn't smell anything but I also have sinus issues soooo maybe I just didn't pick up on it? My appointment was at 9 a.m. and I was out by 9:32.
When I got home I had some orange juice, water then slept for about 8 to 9 hours. I did have little cry sessions here and there after my procedure. But I was also sleep deprived and know I tend to get emotional. Regardless, take some time off after a LEEP, stay home around your own germs if possible. Get some of your favorite snacks, a face mask and a Nintendo switch or something. This is a good time for some self-care and rest, girlies.
Friday, day after LEEP: no bleeding, minor cramping/discomfort.
Saturday: Usual morning pee met with some blood in the toilet paper. Nothing in my pad though. Throughout the day I slept on and off, I've been more tired than usual. My body and mind has gone through some shit so I'm not mad at myself for being sleepy. I did experience some heavier bleeding throughout the day that was mostly dark colored. The blood level was about the same if not less than what I'd experience with a period. No unusual smell. I did shed the liquid bandage. Did have some mild cramping at certain points during the day but not debilitating or worth taking ibuprofen over.
Sunday: Energy levels finally back up to something normal, don't feel as tired. Still bleeding dark red blood/brown discharge but it's minor. Ran some errands today, I figured gravity would cause me to bleed more but it's about the same as yesterday if not less.
If there's interest, I'll check in at maybe the 2 week and 4 week mark, or whenever I remember since this is my throwaway account.
Overall the LEEP was way better than the biopsy in my experience. Reddit had me freaking out. I know I'm lucky, and this post isn't to dismiss any terrible or painful experience other women have had. I want to share my 'positive' experience, since most of my mental state surrounding my diagnosis, fears, the upgrade from LSIL to HSIL, has been negative.
Oh and I did get insurance literally a week before my LEEP, thank God.
If you have any questions please feel free to ask them below!
TL;DR: -Colpo: easy -Biopsy: sucks. Most pain I've ever felt and felt nauseous/uneasy after. Ask your doctor if you can take ibuprofen prior to a biopsy. Monsel's solution/liquid bandaid came out in sac-like alien baby about 36 to 48 hours later. Was able to have intercourse 2-2.5 weeks post-biopsy. No insertion of anything for about 3 days after. -LEEP: easy-ish? 600 mg ibuprofen 1 hour before procedure. Anxiety inducing but once I was numbed with local anesthesia, I felt nothing except some mild cramping. The injection didn't hurt and caused no serious side effects. No smell. No excessive bleeding. Felt fine post-LEEP but did experience some bleeding. It's been less than a week so I'll update if anything spooky happens, if no updates then expect everything went fine. No intercourse/tampons/etc for 3 to 6 weeks.
Tips: -Prioritize self care throughout this experience especially. It'll help you stay calm and heal. -Dress comfy for procedures -Take some snacks and water to your appointments for post-procedure ick -Do your research. Knowledge is power even if it makes you uncomfortable. Youtube was a great resource for me, I like to see what's going to happen before it does. Just try not to get worked up like I did. -Ask questions. If a doctor makes you feel stupid, see another doctor if possible. -Have someone with you for support and to make sure you get home ok -If you experience fever, intense pain, soaking through pads, or notice any weird smell: GO TO A DOCTOR

--⧼ BEGIN Broadcast Message ⧽--
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Priority Level: Urgent
:: From ::
Center Arm of the Emperor, Planet Laran
:: To ::
All Survivors of Fellow Royal Cast Broods
:: Message ::
The Emperor has graciously permitted the use of his Excellency's summer home on Planet Laran, located in the Empire's Center Arm, as a temporary refuge during the unprecedented violent Terran offences against His Holiness and the holiness of the Omni-brood of Ix.
:: Attachments ::
Coordinates and Flight Key
:: Royal Cryptographic Signature ::
Lord La'Ix, The Emperor's Right-Center Arm
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
--⧼ END Broadcast Message ⧽--

earlier

"CURSE THEM! The great houses are going to have my bloody head for this! There is no way this should've happened and under my command too! The Golden Emperor's own exotic holiday world has gone to ash and the only one to blame is going to be me. Well it was basically my watch anyways. Curse. Them. All"
Those were the only legible sounds one could hear among the frantic stamping of one particular Ixian lord as he hurried away through the underbrush of the royal reserve just outside the centre palace. The same Ixian lord that, only hours earlier, was delighting in his typical cooked boar while enjoying his evening's entertainment of a young Terran girl running for her life from a loose Laran tiger. Something about the way those bipeds run always makes him laugh. Some similarly caste Ixian would call this form of entertainment childish, lowbrow, and immature. He would tend to agree. But sometimes he just wanted cheap slapstick humour. The day to day life of the royal caste tends to get dull with all the fine arts an Ixian of his caste is meant to enjoy.
"How did it all go to shit!?! I was always attentive, and there hasn't been an uprising since those terrans were tamed for the palace. I mean we mostly neuter the problematic ones anyways, so why all the sudden aggression?", he shouted in agitation at the emptiness in front of him.
Speeding through the royal garden which in actuality is a repurposed Savannah of the island the palace is on. The Ixian was a beast of speed. Perfectly honed and trained over decades, and genetically maintained over eons, he always proudly held that he was the fasted in his brood of 16. Making a name for himself among the other broodkin for being the most genetically suited for the rank of high general (not that there was any need for generals, there hasn't been need for war in so long). Of course the Ixians always pride themselves in having no excess potential, and adapting your environment to suit your biology, but it never hurts to have perfect biology. That's the true pride of an Ixian.
That innate need to change the universe rather than changing themselves is what led to their vast interstellar empire. One that reached from constellation to constellation and then eventually to the arms of entire galaxies, terraforming worlds to the same environment they were already adapted to. Since forcing nature into one's bidding was the most sacred duty of any that shared a lick of Ix biology.
Which was why the Ix was confident in themselves. This Ixian in particular surely felt surprised, but mainly he was only moderately upset at the sudden change of situation, from being comfortable in the royal dining hall to sudden exercise.
"Everything can be changed back. Everything can be changed back." It repeated the mantra to itself. As it began to relax and turn its snarled sharp mouth into a toothy grin.
"Yes, there is nothing to worry about at all. Then let's make a game plan. Just need to make it to the space port at the harbour. Grab a ride out and find someone else to take the fall. That old royal butler is as ancient as the dirt of the broodworld. Hell, he probably was there when it vanished in the shadow of the holy empire's long past." chuckling to himself at the quite witty remark, but saddened that no one else was there to hear it.
Should be realistic enough for the others to believe. But first things first, I need to reach the harbour-master. It thought while its dense muscles powered the beastly lizard-like form on its journey, as it bound in the direction of its destination at top speed on all fours.
The blood red sun was already kissing the horizon by the time the Ixian went to nearly collapse under exhaustion of the extended sprint. He hasn't ran this far and fast than when he a young broodling that won competitions and competitions in the royal sports. I think I might have overdid it. He thought while massaging the oncoming threat of a sneaky cramp in his hind leg.
The Ixian were well known for speed. But their stamina was another thing. There bodies simply didn't have the evolved features for long distance travel. There was never truly any need in the past, as their very steady and controlled climate and sparsely diverse ecosystem on Ix never truly required much challenge.
It turned its panting head to face the way it came, gazing proudly at the great distance it made in such a short while.
But something was off by that view. Something different to what he was expecting. The view itself was mostly fine. Well, as fine as a smoking mark in the distance, presumably from the summer palace being engulfed in flame and spitting great plumes of black smoke. But no, something about this view chilled him to this spine. Craning his neck from his vantage point he could swear there was a small speck in the distance.
What on great Ix is that?
All of a sudden realisation hit like a rock on a peaceful pond. Something was following him. Something unknown and cold was making its way to his location. He was certain it wasn't any of his guards, all guards permitted to serve under the royal summer home were Ixian of course. Physically bred for their strength and speed, and placed into roles of importance like protecting the higher caste such as himself. (Whereas this day being the only exception). It did look like he was the only Ixian that actually made it out of the palace so far. Ixians are able to cover short distances in phenomenal speed, akin to a scaly 4 legged beast of the hunt.
No this was something else.
Feeling a very small panic build up inside, but veiling that cold, unwanted terror as impatience at how far he still needs to travel yet. Lord La'Ix flexed his anterior legs and sped on leaving behind a red-yellow cloud of dust in his wake.
He frowned. Feeling strange at a never before felt sensation. Like something in the back of his perfectly designed brain was screaming a silent, but terrifyingly familiar warning.
"Ix itself is an ancient world. Temperate in climate, while abundant in vegetation and small game. It is unknown how the Ixian was formed on paradise.
The old priest can drum into your heads that I'Ix made us into being by indenting his form in the sand of the first beach and filling the shape with his life. Moulding us into being.
The heretic would counter and say we evolved from a previous species akin to ourselves over the course of untold lengths of time.
The philosopher would suggest that only on paradise would the sentient universe fill in the space for the perfect beings to enjoy the fruits of existence.
Lastly, even the lowest caste Ixian would point and laugh at the rest and say 'why talk about antiquity, when we can make more paradise to fill the heavens'."
-A popular Ixian parable
Lord La'Ix bolted up all of a sudden from his resting spot. Heart suddenly beating frantically. The stars had barely enough time to shift positions when last rested his weary body, only a couple hours must have passed since dusk fell and the world plunged into night.
The silence of the Savannah made sound from afar travel better. Aside from the quiet rustling of the wind he wasn't so sure what he heard. Assuming his bored ears were playing tricks on him.
Calming down, curling up on the flat cool rock he found he started to drift to the shadowless lands where all Ixian go when they dream...
Drums, no, not drums. Some sort of mechanical tool? Not that I ever heard of a tool that just beat the ground senseless. A strange beating sound could be heard, pounding into the ground. As he stayed frozen and very awake, he could have sworn it was getting louder. Closer.
CRACK. SNAP. CRACK.
Suddenly the entire valley echoed the sounds of a few broken sticks.
La'Ix jumped up, whirling around, and came to face something approaching fast that could only be described as a cold predator, not that there were any predators on the homeworld's recorded history. But every cell in his aching body reacted the same. DANGER, DANGER, RUN, RUN.
The silver light of the planet's 3 moons barely lit the valley but what that light bounced off of was a figure in motion. Front Legs pumping up and down, nostrils flaring, eyes too close together, and pupils so large it was like staring at darkness itself.
Hold on there are only 2 legs right? Sudden familiarity hit him hard, memories of last night's entertainment stained his mind. In the name of Ix is that a Terran?!?
La'Ix didn't realise it then, but it was looking at a Terran, despite the Terrans characteristics looking different to the standard slave he was used to seeing. The pumping body of the runner was made for such long distances. Sweat acting as a cooling mechanism, making the man glisten in the harsh moonlight, the enlarged nostrils taking in all the air the body needs for this type of strenuous activity. And the enlarged pupils, made for adjusting to low light environments.
Down on the plains of the Savannah were two creatures. One a perfect evolutionary miracle, practically evolution's first try gone right, Perfectly made for its environment and was never truly exposed to varying climates and environments. And the other, having crawled through the primordial ooze, and struggled and fought its way through dangers, diseases, and competition on its own horrifying world. Where deadly heat in deserts can dry out any living thing, and such freezing poles that can turn anything that enters it in pure ice.
The man's lean and sweat-slicken form was steadily making its way towards the frozen statue of La'Ix. Just as he got within 50 paces did La'Ix sprint away scattering pebbles in its path the echoes of which bounced back from the valley's sharp walls. Undeterred, the chaser kept steadily running. Jaws grit. Eyes locked on afar.
And afar was its prey. Sprinting away.
HOW IN IX'S NAME DID THAT THING KNOW WHERE I AM? The La'Ix in a fit of sudden excitement mixed with a heavy dose of panic, began its high octane sprint from the sudden looming threat of being found. Hind Legs propelling the creature's body forward, while its front arms, which were historically also for four legged locomotion, pulled the terrain closer with each stride. Increasing its momentum until it reached max speed.
"Broodling La'Ix!" said a stern but educated voice.
"Huh? Oh! Yessir!" a young Ix jumped to attention still thinking about more enjoyable things specifically outside of the classroom walls.
"Well? Can you please answer my question or will you make your other broodkin wait until Ix falls to ash first", the tutor said expectantly, prompting several muffles giggles in the room.
"Sorry sir. What makes the Ixian race its place in eternity is the attention we put in perfection. After our home-world of Ix's climate and terrain began to change, the leaders from antiquity decreed we carry on the spirit of the home-world in maintaining a consistent biological and genetic profile that will always be suited to Ix's surface. As we change worlds to be more like Ix, we can spread the spirit of Ix to them. As such, Change is- uh, change is..."
"Change is the poison of perfection, Remaining unchanged for Ix enable us to carry its spirit to other planets in the heavens", continued the tutor. "Well you certainly paid some attention to today's lesson at the very least. But remember that final part. It's the last of the core tenants you will need to remember."
"Yessir!"
A good half night passed on the surface of the Savanna. Where a previously noble and alert Ixian who took great care in appearances and status was no longer to be seen. Instead of that proud domineering alien representative of ix was a dishevelled, dusty, ragged creature, dehydrated, hungry, and exhausted from the various sprints it forced itself to endure to stay ahead of fate's ever closing hand.
Is this the sword of Damocles that was mentioned in the ancient Terran records? Always hanging down on those who hold power and seek more? Fate's sharp blade? But why me? I was never in any real power. All I wanted out of this life was a comfortable posting with no dirt and grime from the lower worlds. Why me? Why now? Why do I-
La'Ix snapped himself out of a daze. Is he here- No, no I should be far far away from that Terran now. Maybe I can find some-
A dim glow interrupted its train of thought. Much too early to be the Sunrise on the Emperor's summer planet, and much to low to be the light from one of it's 2 moons. It was a light from a town.
"That's right!" The Ixian barely managed to rasp in between haggard breaths. Its body barely able to continue the amount of self inflicted abuse it has suddenly been put in.
A lot more hunched over than the Ixian was earlier. It made its way towards a small town it knew was in between the palace and the harbour. The emperor loved his royal rustic towns and villages. It is said that his royal emperor would sometimes tour around them marvelling at the romantic theme of a simple rustic life. Although getting a personal town full of Ixians required a lot of lower caste be forced into long and expensive work contracts as background entertainers for the king's planet, all this excessive show of wealth was partially for peackocking the emperor's reputation, and partially for his own personal enjoyment. The Emperor is almost culturally required to flaunt his royal wealth in all forms in order to keep connections with all the royal houses. An emperor that doesn't shower their supporting aides and houses with grand gifts is fated to eventually be found cold on the floor of the royal banquet due to 'suicide from accidentally ingesting poison', as was the previous emperor.
To avoid such an unfortunate passing, the Higher Royals would trade vast resources, delicacies, and even exotic slaves to court 'royal favours'. Slaves of the Terran variety especially are considered to be the most unique of gifts the empire has ever acquired.
Terrans weren't necessarily large and bulky. Fighters were assigned to the Slave Obniraks. Powerful creatures used to fill the fields on tougher worlds where mechanical services would be deemed to expensive. The growth of a Obnirak into full working adulthood is only a few cycles. Meaning mass producing a workforce is quite an easy feat.
Terrans instead would take vast cycles to mature from a childling to an average adult. Meaning growing a slave force would take vast quantities of resources, immense patience, and strict guidance from their owners as to not create faulty creatures. All of which increases the general standing on any house that manages to keep a vast amount of Terran slaves in the best quality.
Terrans weren't necessarily docile and obedient. That role was perhaps given to the oldest slave race the Ix ever controlled. The Iralisa. It was known that they were made remarkably docile due to generations upon generations of select breeding, and pruning off the 'aggressive traits' from the gene pool. However, that led to the adverse effect of physically weakening them to a point where such docility and lack of a frame to keep up with their workload led to a general lack of Ixian interest and were subsequently purified.
Terrans are notoriously independent and herd-minded in larger quantities. Similar to growing a very stubborn Terulian Rose Vine. Which only looks impressive when great care have been given. Terrans need to be given an illusion of being ever so slightly free. Which typically involves owning vast amounts of land and nature to let them roam and graze. Of course, the only ones that can accommodate grand work forces of Terrans are the larger houses with the appropriate territory for humans, as is studied in the Ixian art of Servitude.
One can only guess which species is the Emperor's favourite.
The following town should indeed have both, low caste Ixians, and possibly none of the Emperor's favourite slaves.
The Ixian approached the glowing town. As it reached closer it straightened its back, upright on its hindlegs in the royal fashion. And proclaimed. "It is I! La'Ix, royal courtier. Lend me aid imme-"
Something is off. Not a single shadow in the town, I can see lights but no movement, where is every-
After turning the corner to the center of the small town, the dustied and weary creature froze in its tracks when it saw it. A pit nearly as wide as an Ixian land cruiser and who knows how deep filled with a stench so powerful it watered his eyes. Despite the Ixian's lack of a proper sense of smell. It knew the foul fetor of death.
The crudely dug pit was nearly overflowing when he approached it. Large, smoking, smouldering pyres cast that eerie light that had drawn him in.
"H-how? Wha-What the..." he trailed off when a local species of Laran boar growled and squealed as it tore a dead Ixian limb from the mountain of corpses.
"Who could've..."
He stopped. The shock of seeing his own kind laid like broken dolls in a bleeding pit slowly faded, replaced by a numbness. The Ixian had just noticed they were of Ix. Only of Ix.
Not a single terran colour was visible in the black and spotted pit of bodies. Not a single slave body was visible.
I-Impossible...
His legs gave way, either from the strain of the entire nights run, the horror facing him, or the threat from behind. He just dropped.
Minutes passed, or hours. It was hard to tell. But the Ixian lay slumped. Body unwilling to move further. Battered flesh unwilling to be propelled by a shattered spirit.
Mind slowly spinning up again. Thoughts began whirring to life in its mind. Could the rumours actually have been true? It had read the sparse reports of odd activity from certain Ixian-controlled worlds on the outer arms of the empire. Small uprisings of unknown origin. Hardly anything of note. If it had no affect on the greater houses then it was of no real concern to Ix and its emperor.
Could this threat have made its way to the centre arm already? Impossible. But what else could have done this to us?
Something caught the Ixian's eyes. In the middle of the pit it stood. A large stake, wet with deep Ixian crimson, dripping ever so slowly. Towering over the pit like a battlefield flag was a head of an Ixian rammed onto the tip of the spike. But the particular detail that caught the Ixian's eyes was a symbol cut into the flesh of the large forehead.
Looking from the outward-in. Eight concentric rings, which proceeded to get smaller and smaller in size until it reached a dark mass at the centre of the symbol. The Ixian never forgot the symbol and the affect it had on it.
Eight concentric rings, and a centre mass. Eight rings, and a mass. Eight- Eight what? Eight planets? And a star? ...
A growing pool of cold dread rose in its guts that made it shiver despite the fair night. This dread reflected the sharp reality on its frigid surface.
This Ixian was well-bred, well-trained, and well-educated. Although anyone with a basic education would know of such a pattern.
Terra and her sisters. THEIR star system...
Thump, thump, thump, thump.
It's not possible!-
Knowing what that sound meant, the Ixian tried to whirl around, its body barely being able to heed its masters commands. Just when it was starting to move again it felt it.
Sudden sharp agony. Sudden sharp, raging agony. The Ixian looked at it's hind leg. A sharpened wooden stake was jutting out of it.
It loud out a tight lipped scream, as it grasped the pulsating wound as one does immediately after an injury. It barely had enough time to look up at its attacker when the Terran bolted forward, shortening the distance between hunter and prey from metres to mere paces. The Ixian barely had enough time to block the hand grasping the knife as the arm flew forward at the last minute with a crash.
What phenomenal force!
Using the momentum from that sprint plus the wind up of his arm. The Terran was able to impart a phenomal show of force for a creature its size. That's when La'Ix for the first time saw a human in its raw unchanged form. Great beads of sweat collecting dust on its brow, to prevent it from entering the eyes. The constant release of sweat from the countless pores on its soft fleshy skin. Constant cooling? Even the visible veins and capillaries visible from the fire light.
What a beast of endurance-
Suddenly the horizon fell before the Ixian only to reveal the inky black sky dotted with pigments from stars like a painters masterpiece. When did I look up? Then a crash and blunt force from the ground.
The Ixian had been toppled over by that ferocious exchange of force.
Barely able to get up due to the wind being knocked out of its single large lung, the searing pain in its hind leg, and the exhaustion from the chase. It was too late. The terran was already on top of it. Taking up the entire view of the sky as the terran stepped forward into its field of vision.
The sudden perspective change made a once small and frail looking slave look grander than life, grander than all the legends told to Ixian broodlings.
The punches rained down. Repeatedly. A constant bombardment of beating rained like the drops of rain before the first dew. The previous pain in its leg forgotten, to invite a new visitor in the form of blunt force trauma. So ferocious were the raw blows to its carapace that the Ixian felt the exoskeleton crack under the increasing pressure and strain.
Something cracked, another thing snapped. The amount of pain too much to comprehend. The neurons firing in its second brain just assumed it was everywhere. Its half-working eye glimpsed the fist as it came down for the nth time. Red and split knuckles, revealing pure white bone beneath—a reinforced weapon. The perfect natural offence. All the muscles moved to propel it downwards where something else cracked and split.
Is this where I die?
As if understanding its fate the Ixian's form slumped over. Its body barely holding onto the natural exoskeleton shielding that covered its chest and facial area. Fluids leaking from the cracks that went too deep, and who knows how many internal ribs are shattered.
Its body, knowing that that more movement will cause more injuries, and further stimuli would confuse it further. It simply shut down.
The last moments it had as it fell backwards on its side. Was a small running figure. Hand clutching wooden spears. But the truly petrifying sight was behind it. A vast shadow flickering from the light of the lit pyres from the hunter in front of it. A shadow cast so large, jagged, and menacing it appeared to swallow the town whole.
And into a hole did the Ixian fall. A vacuum with no sensation or thought. Just darkness.
How... did we never notice such a... monster... in their... shadow...
All Ixians were taught about 'violence' and 'conflict' at an early age. As a sort of rite of passage that any of them would go through as they survive their early broodling days. As Ix have no natural predators, they had begun to instil a serving of some necessary conflict to keep their generations fresh and somewhat physically strong. As a precaution, only rudimentary forms of civil sports, races, shows of strength and courage were ever really explored. But always in a controlled and calm settings, as there would never be any true need for actual conflict.
As there was always a need to maintain ones own environment. The need never arose for the development of fighting techniques and schools of training. That was one of the best parts of being an Ix that many thought. Having supreme control over the worlds you inhabit means setting gravity, atmospheric pressure, humidity, and temperatures to the perfect levels for comfort replaced any need for biological change. Why grow when you can keep everything the same way, how you like it.
They were a vast empire. An empire of statues.
-Excerpt from the history of extra-solarian species, Author unknown
It awoke to a burning radiating heat from in front. The large sun was already starting to set on the horizon when it awoke. Had a whole day passed? Or two?
Trying to block the setting sun from its eyes it couldn't. "What?...", barely made out in a whisper.
I'm tied up.
And indeed the Ixian was right. Tied up next to a small brook, with a scorching fire in front of it. The monster nowhere to be seen.
"No good... it's too tight", it grunted in an attempt to escape its bindings.
Going slack in defeat it avoided any additional movement. Not having the energy to spare to move. It was lucky to have always been lazy at shedding its carapace - a frequent nag from its broodmother - might just have become its salvation in this case.
Thank Ix.
So there it stayed.
Hours passed. The Sun fully set and the stars awake in this dark world barely lit up the wildlands. Only the prisoner in this cone of firelight existed out here.
A rustling up ahead caught the prisoner's attention disturbing the eerily still silence of the Savannah night. And ungodly horror of a squeal ruptured the air invoking a deep visceral terror within the bound prisoner. Something. Something close but just outside the firelight was eyeing it, glinting from beyond the light. Those dark predatory eyes stabbed the prisoner with a sudden coldness. All while the squealing suddenly halted. SNAP. SQUELCH.
Now it came, emerging into the light. A beast. Holding a knife in one bloodied hand, dripping on the dirt. And dragging by the leg, a massive adult Laran boar grotesquely smearing thick blood still warm from the cut in the neck on the dirt.
The prisoner watched, barely moving, barely breathing. Frozen with the horror in front of it as the bloodied carcass was skinned; fur sliced away with harsh, scraping sounds with the crude knife. Spurting remaining blood all over the site.
The pink naked flesh then washed in the brook, leaving a distinct smell of oxidised blood in the air, before being skewered and roasted over the roaring flames. Fat popping violently in the heat.
In this gruesome display, the beast revealed not just a fate for the boar, but a dark hint of what might come. The realisation struck deep—this could be more than just a demonstration; it was a terrifying preview of its own potential end.
It passed out again.
Only to be awoken by the haunting echoes of a wild, desperate squeal that once thrummed through the savannah's eerie silence. Dare it open its eyes?
After a great heavy effort -utilizing its every last drop of courage- one eye cracked open. And what it saw. Made it regret ever having done so.
Right across from it, the hunter was a grotesque silhouette against the flickering fire. Grasping a severed boar leg was a mouth viciously biting, ripping, tearing into the flesh with primal ferocity. Each bite was deliberate, each tear of sinew was a clear, calculated demonstration of supreme savagery. Its jaw muscles bulged with the force of a bite.
All the while, the eyes—deep, abyssal pits—fixed intently on the prisoner. Deepest black pits stared back at it. Watching. Observing. Calculating, with a dark intelligence. it was calculating. It was relishing the terror it inspired and the control it exerted. Or planning its next meal.
The sounds of ripping flesh filled the thick, blood-soaked air. Deep into the night. Deep into this never-ending nightmare.
Never once did the prisoner move. Not an iota. Frozen in abject horror.
The night passed quietly. After the feast the human had, or the desecration of life that the prisoner saw, whichever way you look at it. The human nodded off to sleep. Content in the success of his mission. But the tied up creature had no such rest. Sending silent pleas to the stars that it might be saved. But not daring to make a sound, less it awaken that sleeping horror. Or was it sleeping? Dear Ix, it might be watching me. Feigning sleep to keep an eye on its meal. Dear Ix I'm next...
All through the night, the demons plagued its mind. Until the warmth of the morning rose, and with it the sound of an Ixian cruiser.
Elation could not be an understatement for the tired, tied, beat, and bruised thing. Craning its neck to the direction of the sound about to bellow out an Ixian warning to the demon resting next it.
"BE CAREFUL! THERE'S ONE HERE-". It stopped speaking. That previous elation it felt at a saviour arriving to rescue it from the demons grasp, fizzled out like a drop of water in a drought.
That all so familiar cold remained. And the dryness of despair. As pairs of dark pupils shot back at it.
On the cruiser were tall adult Terrans. Clean cut, well fed, well dressed Terrans. Four, no Six, no eight of them. All hanging onto the side of cruiser while it made its way to their location. Compared to the demon waking up beside it, these creatures were organised. A savageness neatly packaged in a uniform with a symbol. The prisoners eyes grew wide in its sunken sockets. 8 rings, and a centre mass. They must be the cause of, well all this.
Accepting fate, its head fell in part defiance, in part to avoid the stinging eyes of these others. It felt their gaze burn through—cold, cruel, calculating. There is nothing I can do any longer.
"You're finally here. What took you so long?" The runner said to his approaching comrades, "Took all night to catch up to him."
"Hey Jan, great work", the tall militant woman shot back. With a playful punch to his arm. "Guess all that cardio really paid off, didn't I tell you it would!" She let out a playful guffaw.
"Thanks Chel", replied Jan.
"Ok chop chop people, we're on a schedule. We need to reach the port ASAP remember? Come on Jan, rest up all you like, you're still on the clock."
"Aye sir." Jan shot back in a mock salute, gaining a sneer from the commandant, then a sneaky smile.
"Don't forget your trash. And make sure its breathing still."
It creaked open its eyes, seeing pairs of boots moving towards it and standing in front. In silence. Then all of a sudden, felt pairs and pairs of hands pull and tug. and lift it up The thing let out a pathetic silent sob. While it was loaded in the back of the cruiser, face up. Staring at eyes, piercing black dots peering back. It could never understand what was being felt by those eyes and those faces.
Ixians wear their emotions on their carapace; spots and stripes would slowly appear in certain parts, representing emotions and feeling that their bodies felt in a general sense. But the most private thoughts were of course, still kept private.
But this. This was just too foreign. The eyes never stopped. Even in the swaying movement of the cruiser the pupils never broke contact. Those eyes. As if it was peering into it, envelops your entire mind. There was no way to hide, even hiding in his inner self would do no good. Those eyes. Those predator eyes can find me anywhere I try to escape to. Inside and out.
Some times passes.
"You know. I lost good friends to the royal caste. Especially to this one's brood clan or whatever they like to call it." One of them was looking right at it when they said it. It turned its eyes over to the source. A short one, with a slave scar on the neck said it. A scar that shot through his memories. A scar inflicted to property owned by, his brood. This one is dangerous..., it thought.
Jan, and the others didn't look but felt it. The cold darkness in that tone made it clear what it intended to do.
The female militant, Chel, I think her name was. Slowly reached to the side arm on her holster. Sensing the oncoming problem.
"You still understand me don't you? I've had to watch good people die. Damn good people." The scarred one one stood, grabbing the upper rail of the cruiser to steady themselves. "I hear that even if you get ill, you become the entertainment for the night. What was it now?" She paused for a brief second. "Oh I remember".
"Stil" Chel said slowly. "Cool it". Hand still on the butt of the sidearm.
Not hearing or not wanting to reply. Stil continued. "Torn apart by those raptor pets. Hands or feet cut off as souvenirs for those fucked-up parties and those fucked-up guests. Oh yea, and the 'toy play' or whatever they call it. Can't have Ken and Barbie fight back now, can we?"
Stil leaned closer to the now cowering, shaking thing, "I wonder which one was your favourite." The words cut through La'Ix like an icicle. This was the first time these demons actually spoke to it directly. And it didn't like it. It could sense the venom from the words.
"Stil..." Chel slowly got up, hand still at the ready. "I said cool it." The line had a steely warning to it. Chel wouldn't risk the mission. Even if it meant doing what must be done.
Agonizing seconds passed. The cowering, shaking thing seemed to grow whiter and whiter by the second, It's spots clearly showing what it felt. Staring up, Not willing to move but being unable to hide. It felt the absolute crushing weight of the present. Grinding it down to a paste.
Everyone stayed still. The two militants didn't move. The rest didn't seem to even have paid attention to the converstation, still looked away.
Longer passed.
Stil smiled, "Oh come on Chel, you know I wouldn't do anything to our friend here? You know I was just playing around." Stil laughed. Chel didn't react.
Stil immediately crouched, faced the shaking prisoner inches apart eye to eye, and in a whisper said "Right friend?"
She wants me to reply? Dear Ix I can't even think with those eyes in front of me What do I do?! What do I say?!
"Right. Friend?" Stil repeated slower and colder. Like the blade of a surgeon hovering over skin, ready to plunge.
The gears of its Ixian brain grinded to a screeching halt. In utter desperation to find a reply it simply gave up. Instead, it felt a warmth slowly spread. Slowly spread between its hind legs. It had released its bladder.
"BAHAHAHAHA LOOK AT IT" Stil roared in laughter. The sound of it rattling the prisoners brain with the sound. Disorienting its senses. "NOW THAT'S CLASSIC TIMING IF I'VE EVER SEEN IT!" She plopped back down face red and still laughing.
The Ixian didn't know what to do but tremble and sob silently on the cold surface of the cruiser surrounded by laughter. and the warmth of its piss. It tried to plug its ears. But the sound still came. Laughter. Laughter. Laughter. Dear Ix, what are these demons... where are they taking me? To hell?...
The cruiser kept cruising. Towards the port across the island. Trailing laughter behind. Or to the sobbing wreck of a thing, demonic cackling.
The scent of familiarity wafted into the senses of the prisoner as the cruiser started to slow. The smell of the salt, the chirping of familiar aviaries. Sound of the crash of sea. The port.
Braving a sentence for the first time in for what seems eternity. It let out a question "...w..w..where ... why... are... ... we ...h... here?" It managed to say shakily, eyes downcast.
As if in response, a sharp shove greeted it from the back and a hard hit on the ground was as much of an answer it was getting.
"Move it", Jan said gruffly.
They walked. the ixian still bound but free to walk in the middle of the group of humans. Towards a destination still not known. The walk twisted, and turned, and twisted again. One thing struck out to the prisoner. It was too clean, especially for what it was expecting, it's last experience being in the previous blood-soaked town laden with bodies and carrion eaters.
The port town was completely silent, free from the regular hustle and bustle it usually had even when the emperor was not present. And superbly clean. Not a single piece of dirt to be seen. Not a single Ixian either. Where did everyone go? Did they make it out somehow when these invaders came?
In the background, the surf broke relentlessly.
Piercing eyes caught the prisoners glance, as it wandered curiously around the town. Realising its mistake La'Ix tried to look away but the burning gaze gripped his own.
As if reading its soul. The human answered the hidden question bubbling up in La'Ix. "You should've seen them your royal majesty". The one called Stil said while bending in mocking courtesy.
The surf pounded the shore even more loudly now.
"They don't swim well. Especially the young ones. They dropped like stones. Turning all white by the time they stopped moving."
Louder now. The sea roared.
Nothing came. Not a thought in La'Ix's mind. Its mind struggled to comprehend the depth of what was said by Stil, the scarred human.
The waves boomed louder now. Louder than the sun, echoing louder than the screams of all the Ixians that must have perished.
It saw the lips of the standing-devil in front of it. But all the came from its blood red lips were obscured by the sound of the pounding of the waves. The echoes of drowned kin, thudding and slapping against the shore, merged with the relentless surf in La'Ix's mind.
This is for our sins.
Wave after wave, the relentless surge continued, each one a haunting reminder of the souls lost to the sea, each crash a ghostly thud of bodies hitting the shore.
Very slowly did some exhausted neuron in the Ixian's head come to a conclusion as to how these creatures in front of it can be so relentless, so cruel, and so evil. When pushed to beyond its breaking point, did their true carnivorous instincts rear their ugly head.
Oh dear Ix. What sort of environment could breed such demons?
La'Ix didn't remember what happened next. The memories feel like a distant dream now as he sits watching the port sky now.
The aching brand on his forehead of the 8 ringed system, pulsed in pain—a departing gift from his newly made friends, stung from the salty sea air.
He barely recalls the staggered walk from the empty inter-arm transmission office and the inputting of his biometric royal seal. He barely even remembers the message that was sent under his name and signature
And even less does he remember what he heard what will happen next.
All alone now, he stares at the sky of the empty port town. As he watches more royal ships enter the atmosphere.
He gazes upward, thoughtlessly, statue-like Knowing fate will come for them all. Fate in the form of piercing black eyes and a monster so large it can fit in a shadow.
A single thought, carried its way from above the despair to the surface. Slowly. Like a bubble in a pool of tar.
What was I meant to tell the emperor again?

Happy Sunday pkmntcgtrades!
Prioritizing trades but cards are also for sale this time around.
I’m looking to trade for things in my wishlist and also the following:

• PSA 8 Base set unlimited Holos (I only have Charizard, Magneton, and Poliwrath)
• SWSH big hits like Gengar Vmax, Rayquaza Vmax, Giratina V Alt
• SWSH PSA 10 slabs
• Gold stars & neo shinings
• Vintage bangers

Here's what I have. Trade only link is reserved for add ons to trades or trading up for a grail/big want.

• Cards for sale & trade
• Trade only

Prices are Paypal F&F SHIPPING INCLUDED (BMWT):

• Espeon Vmax Alt Art: $220
• CoroCoro Mew PSA 8: $250
• ADP Alt Art: $165
• Giratina Vstar GG: $110
• Erika’s Hospitality: $120
• Vaporeon Vmax promo: $35
• Arceus V Alt Art: $58
• Palkia V Alt Art: $45
• Hitmonchan EX (LP): $28

Pricing is based on an average of TCGPlayer, Ebay, 130 point, & pricecharting market/recently solds.
I’ll ship free pwe on small orders. $5 BMWT otherwise. Free BMWT over $100
Have a great day and thanks for looking!

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“This book is on voyages to the North, where Lord Debling intends to travel.”
“Miss Featherington, are you reading about the fabled Northwest Passage?”
(S3 E4 11:16)
Hi everyone! I posted a comment about it right after season 3 dropped, and I have seen a bit of interest in the Northwest Passage on here recently. I thought that for those of you who didn’t learn about it extensively in school in the small corner of Canada that I did, I’d put together a little informative post on the extremely brief (and perhaps even inconsequential!) reference to the Northwest Passage in Episode 4. I’ll provide an overview of the Passage and its history, touch on some characteristics of travel to this region, and conclude with some completely speculative comments on the literary purpose of evoking the passage in this scene in Season 4.
Also, full credit to the other NWP enthusiasts who have been making posts about this and discussing it in other threads.
A quick note on the colonial nature of this post: Throughout this short post, I refer to several colonial expeditions to the land many of us call Canada. Although I attempt to be cognizant of my language, it is important to note that the Inuit people who live in the arctic regions that I reference have navigated the sea ice for thousands of years (Panikkar et al., 2018) and that the written history of this region are often hegemonic and euro-centric narratives that were formed within colonial frameworks.
More information on the Inuit and their culture, language, and traditions can be found here: https://www.itk.ca/about-canadian-inuit/
References are at the end. If you like this post, you might also like the speculative post I made about the influences of the Eros/Psyche quote in the which is also endless academic yapping.
Exploring the Northwest Passage- a bit of context
In August of 1820, Lieutenant Edward Parry, a member of the British Royal Navy observed the dense ice and snow of arctic land and sea that was thought to be the location of the mysterious Northwest Passage. From a simple look, he knew that no ship in existence would be able to pass through ice sheets of such a great thickness and that extended for such a long distance (Brandt, 2011). Despite his pessimism, by Parry’s time, British sailors and explorers had been explicitly seeking the passage for hundreds of years (Williams & Costley, 2010; Day, 2006, p. xxiv), dreaming of exploiting the desirable economic prospect of a Western route from Europe to burgeoning Asian markets.
First encounters: When European sailors first encountered North America, it was in pursuit of a route west to Asia. They were, of course, incorrect about the location of Asia. And although a great deal of interest shifted to mapping the new continent, there was also an acknowledgement that there would be great economic benefits to finding a way around this newly encountered landmass (Day, 2006). Over time, the reasons and methods of locating the Northwest Passage changed and evolved, but interest never truly went away.
Renewed British interest: Notably, at the end of the 15^th century, when the Ottoman Turk’s empire extended into the Mediterranean and eastward, European merchants were no longer allowed to move and trade freely (Day, 2006). Seeking new routes for the Pacific, European (and especially British) explorers turned West. The Northwest Passage was a concept, a theoretical possibility, for European explorers. It was seen as a potential commercial sea route to the trading markets that were already established and burgeoning in Asia. The Passage was a route with phenomenal economic potential, especially as European consumers sought spices, materials, salts, and woods from foreign markets (Williams & Costley, 2010).
Based on their knowledge of the Southern Hemisphere and the potential geography of the world, many believed that a similar passage would be reflected in the earth’s northern pole (Day, 2006). As a result, there was a massive potential for financial gain for colonial governments and individuals, should such a passage ever be found.
Public fascination: The passage became a point of national fascination for many members of the public. In pursuit of this fascination, many enthusiastic researchers “persuaded persons of influence and wealth to send out discovery expeditions” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xv). With governments in Europe stabilizing, the emergence of an economy of cheap labour (lower class men who were willing to take on the dangerous work at sea), and the rapid development of ship technology, the 1600s was a prime time to set out on expeditions.
The fascination with the Passage continued for 300 years until a passage was finally navigated by sea in full in the 1900s. Over the course of history, Anthony Brandt describes the fascination with the Passage’s discovery as a tragedy (2011). He writes: “hubris, an all-too-human arrogance and pride that triggered a particular calamity” (p. 5) as being the tragedy of the exploration for the Passage. Despite the fascination of the public with it, the ice “remained intractable, impenetrable, and, for those who challenged it, a kind of fate” (p. 5) George Malcom Thomson reported that the Passage did not exist where popular imagination speculated it must be (Day, 2006). He noted: “the whole enterprise was founded on a misapprehension, a geographical fiction, a fairy-tale … and downright inventions that scholar manufacture to amaze themselves” (p. xxv).
The danger of the passage: Voyages to and in search of the passage were fraught. Many never returned, and those who did survive faced immense physical and mental challenges. There were, of course, significant difficulties with massive ice drifts and shelves. However, the relative location of the expeditions to the north pole led to issues with magnetic variation for compasses. Fog further complicated travel (Williams & Costley, 2010).
There were also extreme mental dangers to pursuing the NWP. MooSmith’s expedition in the mid-1700s reported “potentially murderous quarrels between officers” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xvi); John Franklin noted that the things that occurred on his ship “must not be known” (p. xvi); and it was noted that on the McClure, Beckler, and Collinson expeditions, “tensions” erupted “as captains and subordinate officers exchanged threats of court martial, and some officers spend years under close arrest on their ships” (p. xvi).
In the time of Bridgerton: The end of the Napoleonic Wars in 1815 allowed for greater expeditions by the British Royal Navy (Day, 2006). This would have included surveys of a large portion of the global north and the Arctic. There were a large number of “successful” (depending on how you define it) land expeditions that had made progress in producing surveys and maps of the region. Despite significant ongoing interest in discovering the Passage, in particular, little progress had been made. Later still, despite more advanced mapping by the Hudson Bay Company and expeditions by many notable sailors, there was still no route by the 1820s (Day, 2006).
What does it signify? If a character in Bridgerton was voyaging to the Arctic, it could take them less than a year to reach areas of the Hudson Bay that would be suitable for a scientific voyage. That in itself is not overly dangerous. However, the reference to the Northwest Passage is an interesting literary point. Of all of the places to voyage in the Arctic, even at the time, it would have been an immensely dangerous trip to set out on. The persistent lack of success for a solid 30 years after this season takes place may reference the fact that this is a voyage that Debling is unlikely to ever return from.
It doesn’t help that Debling’s odds are really stacked against him. He does not eat meat, one of the only renewable sources of food for arctic expeditions. There is little to no fresh naturally occurring produce (during the Coppermine expedition, the surviving crew members famously ate lichen to survive once they lost the favour of local indigenous groups and fur traders) and did not do well.
Certainly, it lends a very tragic potential element to the story. The Arctic, if mentioned alone, is not necessarily an overly dangerous location to travel to. Yes, marine travel in the 1800s was still a dangerous endeavour in its own right, let alone in an area as unnavigable by sea as the Arctic. However, the North, in many regions, had active whaling expeditions, Indigenous populations that were willing to trade and work with sailors, and (in some areas) active fur trades. If the purpose of Debling’s travel was only to highlight his unique interests and sense of purpose, the show had many methods of doing so. The choice to reference a notorious and dangerous Northwest Passage, there is an extremely interesting element of danger that is introduced.
What would this potential marriage mean for Penelope? Of course, Penelope’s name is a reference to the wife of Odysseus, who unwillingly takes ten years to return home after the Trojan war. In contrast to Colin, who returns with a steadfast conviction, Debling may represent a kind of eternal limbo for Penelope, should she marry him. Although Debling’s trip is set to take 3 years, it would be hard to prove his death. Likely, she would be a widow for years, if not her entire life, before they were able to locate his ship. The HMS Terror was famously lost in 1845 and not located until 2016(!). As a result, Penelope would likely be stuck at home, awaiting his return, in the same tragic fashion of her namesake in Greek mythology.
As such, not only is there a potential tragic reference to Debling’s future, but there is also a dark illusion to what Penelope’s life may look like as his wife. Of course, this is all based entirely on implication, but it is an interesting act of speculative foreshadowing.
Thanks for reading!
References
Brandt, A. (2011). The man who ate his boots: the tragic history of the search for the northwest passage. Anchor.
Day, A. (2006). Historical dictionary of the discovery and exploration of the Northwest Passage (Vol. 3). Scarecrow Press.
Panikkar, B., Lemmond, B., Else, B., & Murray, M. (2018). Ice over troubled waters: Navigating the Northwest Passage using Inuit knowledge and scientific information. Climate Research, 75(1), 81-94.
Williams, G., & Costley, S. (2010). Arctic labyrinth: The quest for the Northwest Passage. University of California Press.

This is the story of the time I was almost kidnapped in my very safe and quiet neighborhood in a city that I know for a fact Israel Keyes has been to because Josh has mentioned him being there on the podcast. I’m not certain of the date but it was between November 2011 and February of 2012.
According to the FBI timeline, Keyes was traveling between Lafayette, Louisiana (150 miles from my town) and New Orleans (literally 20 minutes away) in February of 2012. I know it was between those dates because I was wearing a hoodie with the hat on my head all tied up and pants. It would only be cold enough for that during those months.

I was walking my small dog around 11 pm. Sounds dumb for a woman to walk her dog late by herself but there’s not much crime where I live and I’ve never felt unsafe. So I was walking my dog and I hear a car coming down the street, driving south while I was walking north. I was about 3 blocks away from my house. This is not any sort of busy street. Just a random street in a random neighborhood. I immediately had a feeling of dread that to this day I can’t explain. It was a small pickup truck that was super squeaky. It pulled right up next to me as I walked and just sat there. I knew immediately that I was in trouble. The truck then suddenly peeled off, sped off to the next block, turned around and sped back towards me so that the drivers side door was on the same side of the street that I was. I realized at that point that this man was about to jump out of the drivers side door and grab me. Fate must have been on my side that night because the house I was walking past had its garage door open. I pretended that I lived there, walked through their yard, straight into their garage, through the side door and into their backyard, shutting the door behind me. The truck slowed down as it passed this house then sped off once I shut the side door. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before nor has it happened since. Could it have been Israel Keyes in February of 2012? The possibility never crossed my mind until I heard Josh mention my city a few times and realized the FBI timeline could potentially line up. What are y’all’s thoughts? 

Edit to add: No, I doubt this was actually Keyes. I just thought the story was worth sharing here because of the location being somewhere Keyes had been at least twice and the timeline showing he was very near me during that time. Someone also responded to me on this sub that they were interested in my story so I figured I would write it up. Thanks for reading.

“This book is on voyages to the North, where Lord Debling intends to travel.”
“Miss Featherington, are you reading about the fabled Northwest Passage?”
(S3 E4 11:16)
Hi everyone! I posted a comment about it right after season 3 dropped, and I have seen a bit of interest in the Northwest Passage on here recently. I thought that for those of you who didn’t learn about it extensively in school in the small corner of Canada that I did, I’d put together a little informative post on the extremely brief (and perhaps even inconsequential!) reference to the Northwest Passage in Episode 4. I’ll provide an overview of the Passage and its history, touch on some characteristics of travel to this region, and conclude with some completely speculative comments on the literary purpose of evoking the passage in this scene in Season 4.
A quick note on the colonial nature of this post: Throughout this short post, I refer to several colonial expeditions to the land many of us call Canada. Although I attempt to be cognizant of my language, it is important to note that the Inuit people who live in the arctic regions that I reference have navigated the sea ice for thousands of years (Panikkar et al., 2018) and that the written history of this region are often hegemonic and euro-centric narratives that were formed within colonial frameworks.
More information on the Inuit and their culture, language, and traditions can be found here: https://www.itk.ca/about-canadian-inuit/
References are at the end. If you like this post, you might also like the speculative post I made about the influences of the Eros/Psyche quote in the Polin sub which is also endless academic yapping.
Exploring the Northwest Passage- a bit of context
In August of 1820, Lieutenant Edward Parry, a member of the British Royal Navy observed the dense ice and snow of arctic land and sea that was thought to be the location of the mysterious Northwest Passage. From a simple look, he knew that no ship in existence would be able to pass through ice sheets of such a great thickness and that extended for such a long distance (Brandt, 2011). Despite his pessimism, by Parry’s time, British sailors and explorers had been explicitly seeking the passage for hundreds of years (Williams & Costley, 2010; Day, 2006, p. xxiv), dreaming of exploiting the desirable economic prospect of a Western route from Europe to burgeoning Asian markets.
First encounters: When European sailors first encountered North America, it was in pursuit of a route west to Asia. They were, of course, incorrect about the location of Asia. And although a great deal of interest shifted to mapping the new continent, there was also an acknowledgement that there would be great economic benefits to finding a way around this newly encountered landmass (Day, 2006). Over time, the reasons and methods of locating the Northwest Passage changed and evolved, but interest never truly went away.
Renewed British interest: Notably, at the end of the 15^th century, when the Ottoman Turk’s empire extended into the Mediterranean and eastward, European merchants were no longer allowed to move and trade freely (Day, 2006). Seeking new routes for the Pacific, European (and especially British) explorers turned West. The Northwest Passage was a concept, a theoretical possibility, for European explorers. It was seen as a potential commercial sea route to the trading markets that were already established and burgeoning in Asia. The Passage was a route with phenomenal economic potential, especially as European consumers sought spices, materials, salts, and woods from foreign markets (Williams & Costley, 2010).
Based on their knowledge of the Southern Hemisphere and the potential geography of the world, many believed that a similar passage would be reflected in the earth’s northern pole (Day, 2006). As a result, there was a massive potential for financial gain for colonial governments and individuals, should such a passage ever be found.
Public fascination: The passage became a point of national fascination for many members of the public. In pursuit of this fascination, many enthusiastic researchers “persuaded persons of influence and wealth to send out discovery expeditions” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xv). With governments in Europe stabilizing, the emergence of an economy of cheap labour (lower class men who were willing to take on the dangerous work at sea), and the rapid development of ship technology, the 1600s was a prime time to set out on expeditions.
The fascination with the Passage continued for 300 years until a passage was finally navigated by sea in full in the 1900s. Over the course of history, Anthony Brandt describes the fascination with the Passage’s discovery as a tragedy (2011). He writes: “hubris, an all-too-human arrogance and pride that triggered a particular calamity” (p. 5) as being the tragedy of the exploration for the Passage. Despite the fascination of the public with it, the ice “remained intractable, impenetrable, and, for those who challenged it, a kind of fate” (p. 5) George Malcom Thomson reported that the Passage did not exist where popular imagination speculated it must be (Day, 2006). He noted: “the whole enterprise was founded on a misapprehension, a geographical fiction, a fairy-tale … and downright inventions that scholar manufacture to amaze themselves” (p. xxv).
The danger of the passage: Voyages to and in search of the passage were fraught. Many never returned, and those who did survive faced immense physical and mental challenges. There were, of course, significant difficulties with massive ice drifts and shelves. However, the relative location of the expeditions to the north pole led to issues with magnetic variation for compasses. Fog further complicated travel (Williams & Costley, 2010).
There were also extreme mental dangers to pursuing the NWP. MooSmith’s expedition in the mid-1700s reported “potentially murderous quarrels between officers” (Williams & Costley, 2010, p. xvi); John Franklin noted that the things that occurred on his ship “must not be known” (p. xvi); and it was noted that on the McClure, Beckler, and Collinson expeditions, “tensions” erupted “as captains and subordinate officers exchanged threats of court martial, and some officers spend years under close arrest on their ships” (p. xvi).
In the time of Bridgerton: The end of the Napoleonic Wars in 1815 allowed for greater expeditions by the British Royal Navy (Day, 2006). This would have included surveys of a large portion of the global north and the Arctic. There were a large number of “successful” (depending on how you define it) land expeditions that had made progress in producing surveys and maps of the region. Despite significant ongoing interest in discovering the Passage, in particular, little progress had been made. Later still, despite more advanced mapping by the Hudson Bay Company and expeditions by many notable sailors, there was still no route by the 1820s (Day, 2006).
What does it signify? If a character in Bridgerton was voyaging to the Arctic, it could take them less than a year to reach areas of the Hudson Bay that would be suitable for a scientific voyage. That in itself is not overly dangerous. However, the reference to the Northwest Passage is an interesting literary point. Of all of the places to voyage in the Arctic, even at the time, it would have been an immensely dangerous trip to set out on. The persistent lack of success for a solid 30 years after this season takes place may reference the fact that this is a voyage that Debling is unlikely to ever return from.
It doesn’t help that Debling’s odds are really stacked against him. He does not eat meat, one of the only renewable sources of food for arctic expeditions. There is little to no fresh naturally occurring produce (during the Coppermine expedition, the surviving crew members famously ate lichen to survive once they lost the favour of local indigenous groups and fur traders) and did not do well.
Certainly, it lends a very tragic potential element to the story. The Arctic, if mentioned alone, is not necessarily an overly dangerous location to travel to. Yes, marine travel in the 1800s was still a dangerous endeavour in its own right, let alone in an area as unnavigable by sea as the Arctic. However, the North, in many regions, had active whaling expeditions, Indigenous populations that were willing to trade and work with sailors, and (in some areas) active fur trades. If the purpose of Debling’s travel was only to highlight his unique interests and sense of purpose, the show had many methods of doing so. The choice to reference a notorious and dangerous Northwest Passage, there is an extremely interesting element of danger that is introduced.
What would this potential marriage mean for Penelope? Of course, Penelope’s name may be a reference to the wife of Odysseus, who unwillingly takes ten years to return home after the Trojan war. In contrast to Colin, who returns with a steadfast conviction, Debling, as a traveler, may represent a kind of eternal limbo for Penelope, should she marry him. Although Debling’s trip is set to take 3 years, it would be hard to prove his death. Likely, she would be a widow for years, if not her entire life, before they were able to locate his ship. The HMS Terror was famously lost in 1845 and not located until 2016(!). As a result, Penelope would likely be stuck at home, awaiting his return, in the same tragic fashion of her namesake in Greek mythology.
As such, not only is there a potential tragic reference to Debling’s future, but there is also a dark illusion to what Penelope’s life may look like as his wife. Of course, this is all based entirely on implication, but it is an interesting act of speculative foreshadowing.
Thanks for reading!
References
Brandt, A. (2011). The man who ate his boots: the tragic history of the search for the northwest passage. Anchor.
Day, A. (2006). Historical dictionary of the discovery and exploration of the Northwest Passage (Vol. 3). Scarecrow Press.
Panikkar, B., Lemmond, B., Else, B., & Murray, M. (2018). Ice over troubled waters: Navigating the Northwest Passage using Inuit knowledge and scientific information. Climate Research, 75(1), 81-94.
Williams, G., & Costley, S. (2010). Arctic labyrinth: The quest for the Northwest Passage. University of California Press.

I was friends with this guy for 20 years. He got engaged last November and asked me to be his best man last September.
I moved out of his/my hometown some months before that to a town around two hours away, so we hadn’t hung out as much. However, I tried to invite him to things over this way and let him know when I was in town. He consistently would be busy (and I was guilty of this sometimes as well, I’m not perfect either) but would get mad at me and say “I never wanted to hangout anymore” even when I would offer a rain check and an alternative date or activity.
All activities had to be on his own terms. My girlfriend got a concussion in March of this year and he invited us on a cruise and to a rollercoaster park. I told him that she can’t attend those events due to her concussion, and offered some alternative events like camping or hiking. He got irrationally angry and basically accused her and me of lying so that we could “avoid him”.
The biggest clencher: he has only met her once when we invited him to dinner at our house. He has not met her parents. When I had to take a rain check on a hangout in December due to catching Covid (and sending him the positive test), he called me and immediately went on a paranoid rant about how she was lying to me about her finances and how her father, who helped her buy the house, would not have let his daughter shop at Habitat for Humanity “because it’s for poor people”. Put him on “probation” after that.
In April, last month, I agreed to attend a festival with him and my girlfriend was going to show up later or earlier due to a horse lesson. She is still taking lessons, but is only doing groundwork and basic handling due to her concussion. We got ready to leave for the festival and he texts me “oh yeah we left early”. Didn’t respond to me for two hours. By this time, gf was at her lesson but texted them and invited them to dinner. He calls me, and tells me he’s at a golf course near by and invites me. I show up, and he immediately grills me because my girlfriend isn’t there. “Geez, some girlfriend you have who ISN’T TRYING TO GET TO KNOW YOUR BEST FRIEND”. I explained the situation yet again to him.
Also grilled me for not having had planned his bachelors party when the wedding is still two years away and he hasn’t even sent me a list of groomsmen yet.
The next day, he sends me a text: “hey, if (gf) isn’t riding anymore why is she still taking lessons?” I explain the situation one more time. His response? “What the fuck, that makes no sense man. She’s taking lessons on a Sunday when the barn is closed? You’re telling me the barn owner is going to come in on their one day off and give her groundwork lessons? That makes no sense and both I and you are obviously getting played like a fiddle”.
I just texted him today and formally dropped out of the wedding and the friendship and blocked him. It is done.