So I figured I'd give a bit of an update on my surgery, everything went well, my drainage is beginning to turn a clear yellowy color and I keep getting itchy tingly sensations from healing. When I last saw my doctor 2 days post op(due to ehlor danlos we wanted to be extra careful), everything looked really really good and I'm already so excited.
Not gonna lie, bit nervous for the bolsters and drains to come off in hopefully 3 more days.
But so far everything seems to be going relatively well! Especially given how complicated my surgery had been with extreme hyper elasticity of the skin especially on my chest. My biggest complaint was honestly coming off the anesthesia I had a side affect where my neck would tense and my eyes would cross upwards when my pain would get worse.
Very thankful I saw my doctor sooner as the nurses at the hospital weren't as well equiped for ftm top surgery and he told me I could take Tylenol whiched has helped massively with any pain. I am so glad I got this surgery after years of planning and waiting! And I'm especially grateful for my amazing support system, my mom, her fiance, my nana and my girlfriend and her partners have been absolutely amazing with me through such a big change.
Any tips I can give? Pay extra close attention to your pain levels, stay very hydrated, make sure you do your research prior, have a doctor who communicates well especially with your needs, and most of all, love yourself.

I'm writing this on a throwaway account since these people know my main and actively engage with it. This is also gonna be a pretty long post since I'd like to provide context on how I even ended up where I am today so strap on in. Also apologies if any of this doesn't make sense, I'm pretty upset and stressed out and I've not slept in what feels like weeks. I have a lot of anxiety about all of this.
I started my first year in uni last year in September and met a couple of people I thought were nice enough on the first day. I'll call them 'G' and 'M'. I thought they were nice at first and we got closer as the weeks went by. G and M are also engaged so we talked about weddings quite often. They're are also cosplayers which becomes key in this. We got a lot closer around a time they were going to a con. Their previous friend had dropped out last minute but since they had already paid for everything they invited me. I also wanted to get into cosplaying at the time so I saw this as a perfect opportunity. I would spend nights at their dorms getting know them and we instantly got a long.
At the time, I was very nieve to all the red flags they were presenting as they were unusually willing to let me know EVERY detail of their life, including their sex life and what not. I found it werid but chalked it up to them being very comfortable around me which I found to be a compliment at the time but looking back, I now knew what was up.
(A little but of important info here but I had just feld a country 5 months prior to escape the abuse I was experiencing at home and went to live with my mum. G and M knew this and knew about my dad in depth)
Con comes around and they introduced me to a group of friends who were instantly very reserved around me. I chalked it up to nerves and thought that maybe they're just nervous which is understandable. This was until everytime I would speak they would give me dirty looks, talk over me and even dismiss me. M had also picked up a habit of making a lot of things about himself and anything I found interesting, he would make it clear that he didn't want to know, even telling me that he just doesn't want to hear it. When I went to meet a YouTube who attended the con, he seemed annoyed when I was excited and told me to stop being so excited since this was his 3rd time meeting them.
By time I got back home, their dismissing and also just really shitty attitude throughout left a sour taste in my mouth. However, I just chalked it up to nerves at the time.
A month goes by and they intoeduce me to another cosplayer who I quickly became friends with. When I told G about this, they told me to stop talking to them since I'll brea their heart as they "fall in love easily". I really didn't get that sentiment but still continued talking. Nothing romantic was ever talked about.
Then I started feel more attached to these people. They were practically in my life 24/7, I wa sin their dorms over nights almost everyday and began picking up the same eating habits as them as well. It's also worth noting that these people are "disabled" which is still up to debate.
They would frequently interrupted anything I enjoyed and conveniently pass out EVERYTIME I talked about something I liked or wanted to do. I also suffer with VERY acute psychosis which has been well treated for many years. They would constantly tell me that any doubts I had were just to do with my paranoia and that I should just ignore it. That or they would tell me that I was being manipulative and seeking attention.
This was all very sus but up until the incident I chalked it up to learned behaviour as I know one of them suffers with PTSD like I do.
At some point around this time, I had developed a severe kidney infection which almost turned into sepsis and I had to get the ambulance out to me. I'm no stranger to ambulances as I also have them out frequently due to severe panic attacks which almost cause a seizure and a heart attack I'm some cases.
Strangely after this, despite telling me that they've never had an ambulance out to them, for anything small like an ache they would call 111 which they didn't know before I had told them. 111 in the UK is the none emergency line that can send out am ambulance if you need it. However in a lot of the cases M had, they were perfectly fine but would cry and sob on the phone and say they felt like dying. Of course they send out an ambulance to check on them but it would always be fine.
Worried as I was all the time, I neglected my studies to take care of them and I'd spend a lot on them since I felt the compulsive need to take care of them. They would also guilt trio me with the fact that they were both previously homeless in their childhoods so I needed to get them something in return. I ended up spending over 300 pounds a month on them.
I caught M out one though since the uni I go to, require the ambulances to inform the reception first for permission and to unlock all the doors for them. Before going up to M, I had to go to reception to ask if they would let me in. When I informed they why, they were confused and said that there were no ambulances that parked up at all, not even firefighters which sometimes arrive for medical aid occasionally.
Moving forward a lil I had started to grown attached to them more to the point where I thought I liked them. They expressed to me previously that they're poly and so am I. M had even stated to me that when they first met me they found me attractive and wanted to potentially have relationship.
One day I decided to just confess over text making it extremely clear to them that they had to think about it first so that we did not rush into things and make things worse. If they wanted to be friends then i would be ok with that and I made myself very clear 3 or 4 times within the text.
Instantly, because i was in the room next to them, they came in and told me that they loved me. They hugged me and cuddled me for a while until we went into M room. I was in G room at the time. Suddenly, they both got completely naked in front of me. I had told them that I'm ok with boxers and a shirt since they were more like shorts but getting naked? I was shocked but just went along with it. I was in a shirt and boxers until they told me that i should join them and take my top and bra off (we're all under the trans umbrella). They both persisted and feeling pressured I took my shirt and bra off and joined them in bed. Then G opens up a folder on their phone of their nudes together which I was in shock for. I knew they had it but tbh, I didn't really want to see it. They then expressed how our previous shopping trip to a sex store (we're adults and we go in there cause why not) was a test to see if I would take the hint they liked me. I'm autistic but even I could tell that that was a lie. There were never any discussions of that nature that took place that day.
They then went on about their sex life in full detail. I'm not particularly fond of the idea of personally having sex within the first few months of dating since I'm very frigid about that sort of thing. I'm not stranger to sled pleasure but anything like that is entirely different and I wanted my boundaries to be known then and there. There were a few touches here and there after that, all of which would explicitly done with consent as I have had encounters with SA previously. They knew this.
After that day, they all of a sudden stopped talking me completely. We were on uni break so it wasn't like I could talk to them in class about it either. I felt alone and like I had done something wrong. This sent me onto a pretty bad depressive episode which triggered a small psychotic episode to occur. During which they would constantly tell me when they did feel like talking to me that i was just like my dad (abuser) and that I was being annoying and paranoid about everything. I have since talked to me my mum about this since my memory is a little hazy from that time and she said that the only thing that could've given the episode away was my sudden belief in a god and afterlife. I'm an atheist and grew up that way. But G and M were mostly referring to the fact that on numerous occasions I had called them out on body shaming me, using me as fatspo to fuel their own anorexia and belittling language they would against me constantly. This was even present in class alot since some students who I'm now friends with even stated that they acted as if they ere higher than everyone. Anytime you didn't give them attention, they'd start going on about suicide or passing out only to wake up seconds later.
They also claim to have DID and that one of their alters had encephalitis. This wasn't just a symptom holder either. They would claim they all had it and even told paramedics who were caring for another patient who had broke their leg on campus at the time that they had it. Although after this, they came back pissed to the paramedics caught on pretty quickly that this was a lie.
Months of this built up a full mental breakdown and I had one of the most server panic attacks of my life. I had to be admitted onto A&E where u saw the mental health team to discuss as safety plan since I was have frequent bouts of this. I've always felt with hallucinations since I was 8 but never like I had on that day and to this day, the only thing I can fully remember is the feeling and vision I had. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
G and M response to this? They went to my friend who was packing my bag at the time and told them that if they didn't pack it the right way I would hate them. They actually cold apparently and not once did they ask how I was. When I got home, I only saw one text saying "hey, Ik your in A&E but you can tell me in your own time what happend."
They were very much disinterested me and I began to be fed up with them. I had an upcoming concert with them not long after so I figured I'd keep the peace until them and they distance myself from them since I was clearly suffering from it all. Around this time, I had randomly been kicked out of the discord we had together with the people we met at con. I asked around they just gave one word responses. I had attempted to be friends with them before but annoyed by their sudden disinterest in me again, I just moved on.
Fast forward and I'm logging in on minecraft to a shared server we had. I used this server as a coping mechanism since it was literally the only thing that got me out of bed and moving to a degree some days. However everything I ahd built was gone. All my pent uo frustration just let itself out and I started crying down the phone over a voice message to G. I was a bit pissed but overly. Key thing note however is that I was having a go at them and in no way screaming at them which they later claimed I did. I even showed my mum and therapist and they were both in agreement that I was not shouting nor did I even raise my voice. It sounded more like I was upset than anything else.
G then said that they lost trust me because of this and that they wanted some distance for a while. I apologies profusely, even getting my mum to help me since I was I no way fit to text. However, a dumb mistake we made was sending the same apology over to the both of them, the only difference being their name. G then stated that because of the name, that they felt like I wasn't actually apologising and didn't wanna hear it. I tried to clear things up but the they told me that I had no excuse to act this way towards them since they were "such a good friend to me". After this, i went on call with a friend of mine who is my ex. However we ended on pretty good terms and are still close to this day. They even look after my cat for me.
I'm gonna call him J. J can be the over protective type so in response to my distress texted G ti find out more about why they were so cold about everything and in his mind, over reacted to something so insignificant like minecraft. This is where they made the claimed that I had screamed at them and I sent them into a PTSD attack. What J did notice though was that the story they gave was almost word for word of a panic attack in had explained to J about, almost like they copied it and changed a few things. They the proceeded to tell me that I was abusing them in that moment and that i was exactly like their dad (who's a pedo btw). Hurt by this and the fact that I had told J to NOT text G at all, I ended thinsg of stating my true feelings about everything and said that I never wanted to see them again. It felt good to get it off my chest and honestly freeing. The weeks after that were spent healing in therapy with my mum who both agreed that their actions in the past were more akin to.emotional bullying. Om still coming to terms with this I had trusted them with every fibre of my being. It felt like my heart was being ripped apart whoever, I stated talking to new people in my class around that time. Each of them said that they had notice the same behaviours towards me themselves and were honestly concerned for my safety since they would frequently talk shit about me behind my back. They then put on their snapchat story the next day that they were greatful for the friend they had and got rid of dead weight in their life. They also chalk up their sudden change to be apart of their BPD which if you have seen the eyes of someone who's manic, you'd know that it has a distinct look. The photos they took of themselves really disturbed me as you can clearly tell they're not right in the head at all. The eyes were dark and blown fully. Their eyes just looks black and soulless. I showed another friend who has BPD to confirm if it was what I was thinking and they agreed. It was unnerving and I honestly felt uncomfortable. I couldn't sleep well that night. They looked like they belonged in those headshots of convicts who had just been arrested and still are clearly under the influence. After this I also sent out a text containing context to everything to the group chat since I knew they were gonna manipulate things. I have seen them in person do it and it's honestly disturbing to see. Each one responded telling me that I was a liar and that I should feel ashamed of myself. One even told me they weren't gonna hear me out since they didn't know me well which I think is just a werid line of logic to have tbh. One even accused me of faking my disability which I quick proved to be false which silenced them. I've since blocked every single one of them since I don't wnat anything to do with them at all. I don't want them to know about my life and twist things again to hurt me. Forgive me if I'm over doing it but honestly, it was like I was talking to group of psychopaths who didn't care for anyone but themselves. Their past actions certainly proved that much.
Fast forward a week and I'm out shopping with friends all of a sudden, at even location we were at G was there. These were bookshops that were not well known the area and hidden very well so there would be no way G would know about them, especially since they don't like reading. G still followed one of my friends on snapchat and we found out by testing that every post we'd make, with or without the location attached, G would be right there moments later. Creeper out we ended the day for our own safety and went home.
Ever since all that, I have been taking to a friend of mine who G and M claimed abused them although with the evidence I have seen, it was the complete opposite. G was a regular drug user and would constantly use drugs as an excuse for their actions. My friend also suffered heavily with mental health problems and physical ailments that they need physio therapy for. G and M would constantly tell them they were faking and that they should stop acting like they were in pain. This is similar to an incident where they stated that I was not physically disabled cause they couldn't see it. Which is stupid honestly. By law, I am classed as disabled as to this day I struggle diary with ankle and knee problems due to a late development. I frequently use my braces but I don't use a cane since I'm too self conscious despite it being recommended to me by my doctors.
It hurt to see that they were treated this way and we bonded over shared experiences. There were also other people they had done this too.
Finally getting to the main issue, recently a con just took place which I had to cancel last minute since a family member died and I had to fly back over to my previous country to attend the funeral. The friend that G and M introduced to me started getting closer to them which I honestly didn't pay much mind to since I'm now just done with that shit. However, it wast until now that I feel uncomfortable. All of a sudden, this friend, ill call them O, had removed me from their private account for "safety reasons" and said they had done this to othe people. It didn't take long before I saw with my own eyes that it was just me. G and M have a nasty habit of spreading false rumours and if you know the cosplay community well, that shit spreads liek wildfire. It doesn't have that they have a sizable following compared to mine and know alot more people than I do. I honestly think they're tryna turn people against me and I don't know what to do at this point. I want them to leave me alone and keep my name out of things. I have had so many great days ever since we stopped being friends and my health has also improved dramatically. I'm not having as many panic attacks or severe ones either and I've not had a depressive episode like the ones before ever since.
I don't want to be dragged down like this and I wanted to defend myself however I know for a fact they have more influence then me so many people will side with them just like the group chat did. I don't know what to do anymore and I really don't want things to kick off again either. If I sense any drama starting at all I will just block people cause I'm just not having it. It's all child's play and they honestly need to fucking grow up and grow some balls or something. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thoughts?

Female, 31 years old. 5' 4", ~97 lbs. Entirely healthy pre Sep 2024. I don't have flares or episodes per se, just getting sicker and sicker which more signs of systemic issues.
After 10 months of seeing over 20 specialists, a misdiagnosis that put me on immunosuppressants/biologics for 6 months, ER visits, hospital stays, and almost entirely normal testing... finally received some quite out of range results. And they are... not what I expected.
Symptoms: - Edema (no joint involvement or synovitis) in fingers, hands, knees, and able with large tissue lumps/cysts around ankle bone and feet. This started in my hands only and time got much worse, spreading to other body parts. - Livedo reticularis and rashes: Vasculitis tests are negative (ANCA and biopsy), but livedo is not particularly benign. Always present in ankles and hands / wrists as well as knees. Gets worse when cold but doesn't quite go away upon warming. Maculopapular rash on chest and back. Burning red patches on mottled skin. Intermittent odd rashes that come and go. Constantly purple feet and very obvious evidence of vasoconstriction. - Severe BP fluctuations. I have been sent to the ER for 70/30 before and then once had an acute kidney injure after a period of very elevated BP. Recently, it is 150/110 whilst resting. While it does lower at times slightly in the day, the high or low levels tend to last months. - Acute kidney injury in Feb 24, but quickly resolved after 4 days hospital admission - otherwise rising but normal creatine. - Daily headaches, abdominal issues, significant weight loss. - Tender skin with what looks like small patches of lost pigment (permanent) - Clusters of blood spots, disappear within a few days but reappear elsewhere. New bruising daily. - Abnormal UAs but no infection or bacteria culture growth.
Tests: - All autoimmune, heme, cardiology, neurology tests normal for typically tested conditions. No sign of concern with vein or arteries via Dopplers, aside from diminished PVR waveforms in feet/toes and milt arterial insufficiency in upper extremities. - Very odd MRI results - suggest chronic changes in tendons / ligaments in ankles + edema around the cartilage in knee (I'm slightly underweight, have never been particularly athletic, no prior injury, and am 31 - so unlikely to be overuse) - Punch biopsy on leg (no lesion or ulceration) showed perivascular erythrocyte extravasation, increased vessels, and subcutaneous fibrosis.
Recent tests (normal): - Chromogranin A: 64 (Normal range: 0 - 187 ng/mL) - Metanephrine, Free: 32 (Normal value: <=57 pg/mL)
Abnormal ** - Normetanephrine, Free: 382, ~3x elevated (Normal value: <=148 pg/mL) - Total, Free (Mn+Nmn): 414, ~2x elevated (Normal value: <=205 pg/mL) - Glucagon: <6, low (Normal range: 11 - 78 pg/mL) - Aldosterone, LC/MS: 102, ~5x elevated - Plasma Renin Activity, LC/MS/MS: 3.44 (Normal range: 0.25 - 5.82 ng/mL/h) - ARR: ~30
I understand this suggests adrenal dysfunction / potential tumor - my dr. has been vague as I am guessing he does not want to scare me but these odd results are causing even more anxiety as I don't understand the degree to which they are indicative of such. Next step is 24 hour urine.
More confusing, my Dengue antigen test came out quite high, though antibody low so no current infection. My symptoms began 3 days after a spending a week in USVI - a dengue epidemic. I did not have a typical fever but rashes look similar to "acute phase"... though 10 months later I still have these. I don't see much research on chronic Dengue that lasts this long, but timing seems way too coincidental. I was also put on immunosuppressants within a few weeks of this, so am wondering if it's crazy to think this may have caused long term vessel issues / immune deficiency / and proliferated potential tumors??

**Trigger warning for in-depth discussion of the deaths and bodies of children*\*
Many of you probably know the story of the Unknown Child, or Body #4 – the body of a baby boy recovered from the sea shortly after the sinking of the Titanic and buried in Halifax’s Fairview Cemetery. Unidentified for years, he was speculated to be either Gosta Palsson or Eugene Rice, tentatively identified with DNA analysis as Eino Panula in 2002, and definitively identified through improved DNA testing in 2007 as Sidney Goodwin. The Unknown Child has come to represent all the young lives who were lost in the disaster.
However, much less well-known is the mystery of Body #1. Pulled from the icy Atlantic on April 21^st 1912 by the cable ship Mackay Bennett, the body of an approximately 10-12-year-old boy was the first of 337 Titanic victims to be recovered. Officially, Body #1 was identified as Walter John van Billiard, a 9-year-old third-class boy who perished along with his father Austin and 10-year-old brother James William. He was buried next to his father, whose body was also recovered, in the Whitemarsh Union Cemetery of Zion Lutheran Church, Flourtown, Pennsylvania. However, doubt has always lingered among Titanic researchers and enthusiasts over the true identity of the body. In this post, I’ll examine the case for and against the body’s identification as Walter Van Billiard, investigate some other possibilities for its identity, and summarize my findings.
A few disclaimers: firstly, I’m not a professional, just someone who’s been interested in the Titanic (and specifically its child/teen passengers) for a long time.
Secondly, although I’ve never seen a detailed write-up on Body #1 before, others have discussed this topic and arrived at similar conclusions as mine, so I’m not breaking any entirely new ground here.
Finally, this post isn’t meant to disrespect or offend any of the Van Billiard family or to shatter the idea of a father and son resting beside each other. I’m just trying to take a critical look at the identification of Body #1 and suggest some alternate possibilities.
Approximately 115 Titanic passengers and crew under the age of 18 were lost, and very few of their bodies were ever found. In attempting to identify one of them, I hope to honour them all.

Part I: The Van Billiards

Walter and James van Billiard (photo here) were the two eldest sons of Austin Blyler van Billiard and Maude Murray. One or both boys had been born in Paris, France, but spent most of their lives in Africa, where the family was engaged in diamond mining. By April 1912, the Van Billiards had had four more children and wanted to return to Austin’s family in North Wales, Pennsylvania. They travelled to London, where Maude fell ill. It was decided that she would stay there with her parents and her four youngest children to recuperate, while Austin would take James and Walter ahead to America. Austin’s parents had never met any of their grandchildren before, and he wanted them to spend Easter together. Tragically, they booked third-class on the RMS Titanic, and the rest is history. No survivor accounts mention the Van Billiards by name, so it is unknown how they passed their time on the ship or how exactly they met their ends. A newspaper article (Daily Home News, April 23rd 1912) suggests the boys may have refused to leave their father, but it’s equally likely they simply arrived on deck too late to have the option of boarding a lifeboat.
What is known is that two bodies purported to be members of the Van Billiard family were later recovered and sent to Austin’s relatives in Pennsylvania for burial. Body #255, that of an approximately 40-year-old man with a dark red beard and moustache, was identified as Austin. Body #1, allegedly young Walter, was described as such:
No. 1 – MALE – ESTIMATED AGE. – 10-12. – HAIR. LIGHT.
CLOTHING – Overcoat, grey; one grey coat; one blue coat; grey woolen jersey; white shirt; grey knickers; black stockings; black boots
EFFECTS – Purse containing few Danish coins and ring; two handkerchiefs marked “A”.
Probably Third Class.
Furthermore, the “Inventory of the property found on the body of the late W. VanBilliard” adds that the purse also contained one United States cent and “three wooden disks.” This document can be viewed online at the Nova Scotia Archives website. Interestingly, “Unable to identify from clothing or effects” has been written across the middle of the page in pencil. Further down, it says “Remains shipped. See #255.”
Right off the bat, it's unclear why Body #1 was identified as that of 9-year-old Walter, as opposed to 10-year-old James – or, in fact, why a connection with the Van Billiards was made at all. The Philadelphia Inquirer of May 8^th 1912, reporting on the arrival of the bodies in Pennsylvania, states that identification was made “through the Red Cross Society and papers found on their persons.” However, no such papers are mentioned among the effects found on either body, despite this being common practice for the descriptions of Titanic victims’ bodies.
It is also noteworthy that no member of the Van Billiard family was reported as having identified or even viewed the bodies. Identification would, of course, have taken place at Halifax, where the recovered bodies were brought before being buried there or forwarded elsewhere, and I could find absolutely nothing to suggest that any Van Billiard travelled to Halifax to view them. The North American newspaper of May 8th 1912 states quite clearly that Austin’s father, Burgess James van Billiard, was in Pennsylvania when the bodies arrived. Maude and the other children were still in England, and in fact would not make the trip to America until February 1913, almost a full year after the disaster.
Moreover, it must be remembered that none of the Van Billiard family members in America had ever seen their grandsons. They may have seen photographs of them, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that they’d be able to identify a body which had spent six days floating in the freezing ocean. There are stories from other maritime disasters of the era, such as the General Slocum (1904), the Eastland (1915), and the Princess Sophia (1918) of children’s bodies being misidentified (or dubiously identified), even by close relatives. Therefore, even if Burgess van Billiard or another family member had seen Body #1, would that have conclusively proven that it was Walter (or James)? Or would it simply be a case of a grief-stricken human being clinging to the belief that their loved one was one of the few recovered from an icy grave?
According to Judith Geller’s Titanic: Women and Children First, “popular reports” of the time stated that Austin’s body was found with Walter’s clasped to his chest. However, as she goes on to state, this was not the case. This can be seen plainly from the numbers of the bodies, which were assigned in the order that they were retrieved. Body #1 was recovered on April 21^st, while Body #255 would not have been picked up until April 25^th, according to the diary of Mackay Bennett crewman Clifford Crease. Therefore, identification of Body #1 cannot have been made by its proximity to Austin Van Billiard.
The effects found upon Body #1 also do nothing to prove, or even suggest, that the body was that of Walter Van Billiard. It is true that the handkerchiefs marked “A” could have belonged to Austin, but “A” could stand for many other names of those on board the Titanic. The Danish coins are a tantalizing clue, but none of the Van Billiard family was known to have lived in or visited Denmark. (Of course, it’s possible that the coins could have been misidentified – perhaps they were actually Belgian or Boer, as the Van Billiards lived in both the Belgian Congo and South Africa; or Dutch, as Austin Van Billiard is known to have visited Amsterdam shortly before embarking on the Titanic. (Perhaps the “A” handkerchief was a souvenir from the city?) However, these are only theories.)
It has never been conclusively accepted by Titanic researchers and enthusiasts that Body #1 is that of Walter Van Billiard. Walter’s entry on Encyclopedia Titanica contains the footnote: “Because of the effects recovered with the body there has to be some doubt over the authenticity of the identification.” Similarly, Women and Children First states that “the body might in fact have easily been that of another Third Class boy.” That book’s section on the Van Billiards ends with the somber observation that “a monument to [the] husband and two sons … stands in the Whitemarsh Union Cemetery, but only two (and perhaps one) of them lie beneath it.” Whether or not Walter van Billiard was truly Body #1, one hopes that this (mis?)identification brought some solace to his surviving family members.

Part II: Other Possibilities

With it being established that there is no conclusive proof that body #1 belonged to either of the Van Billiard boys, let us examine other possibilities. I have assembled a list of all male Titanic victims between the ages of 8 and 14 whose bodies were never found. The reason for extending this range is that the estimated ages given to bodies were not always entirely accurate. For example, the body of 12-year-old William Sage was estimated to be 14, the body of 16-year-old Rossmore Abbott was estimated as 22, and the body of 17-year-old Ernest Price was estimated as 26.
Our candidates are:

1. Eugene Joseph Abbott, 13
2. Filip Oscar Asplund, 13
3. Clarence Gustaf Hugo Asplund, 9
4. William Neal Thomas Ford, 14
5. Charles Edward Goodwin, 14
6. William Frederick Goodwin, 13
7. Harold Victor Goodwin, 10
8. Frederick William Hopkins, 14
9. Husayn Mahmud Husayn Ibrahim, 11
10. William Andrew Johnston, 8
11. Albert Rice, 10
12. George Rice, 8
13. Betros Seman, 10
14. Karl Thorsten Skoog, 11
15. George Frederick Sweet, 14
16. William Albert Watson, 14

A few possibilities can be easily excluded from this list:

• Karl Skoog had been involved in a railway accident at the age of 7 and had to have his left leg and the toes on his right foot amputated. He used crutches for mobility. It is impossible that such an obvious feature as a missing or prosthetic leg would not have been noted in the descriptions of the bodies.
• Husayn Ibrahim and Betros Seman were from Lebanon. It is unlikely (though not impossible) that a Middle Eastern boy would have had blonde hair or carried Danish coins. Accounts from the era almost invariably describe Middle Eastern passengers as “dark-complexioned,” “foreign-looking,” or “Italian types” – a detail which does not appear in the body’s description.

Several more possibilities can be marked as unlikely, if not ruled out entirely:

• In the only known photo of the Goodwin family, the boys all seem to have had dark hair. The eldest boy, Charles, was also only 2 months away from his 15^th birthday, putting him at the very edge of our age range and making it relatively unlikely that he would be mistaken for a 10-12-year-old (let alone one who could feasibly be 9 years old).
  • However, one point in the Goodwins’ favour is that the body of their youngest brother, Sidney Leslie (the ‘Unknown Child’) was found, meaning at least one member of the family was above decks at the moment of the sinking.
• George Frederick Sweet was one day away from turning 15, and was not permitted (or did not want) to board a lifeboat along with his adoptive mother and sisters, implying that he looked his age and could not have been mistaken for a preteen. A purported* photograph of him circa 1912 also shows him as dark-haired. Finally, he was in second class, while the body was described as “probably third class” (although this is hardly conclusive).
• Frederick Hopkins and William Watson were members of the crew, Hopkins being a plate steward and Watson a bellboy. It is therefore possible, if not certain, that they would have been wearing some sort of uniform rather than the clothing the body was described as wearing. Furthermore, like Charles Goodwin and George Sweet, both were within several months of turning 15.

Our list is thus reduced to:

1. Eugene Joseph Abbott, 13
2. Filip Oscar Asplund, 13
3. Clarence Gustaf Hugo Asplund, 9
4. William Neal Thomas Ford, 14
5. William Andrew Johnston, 8
6. Albert Rice, 10
7. George Rice, 8

Now, let us look at each of these boys in turn and examine the evidence for and against them being Body #1.
Eugene Joseph Abbott:

• His last name starts with A, meaning the handkerchief could be his.
• He was originally from (and was returning to) the U.S., so may have carried American money.
• He was just 2 weeks past his 13^th birthday, meaning he could likely have passed for 12 (within the estimated age range for the body).
• He and his family were known to have been on deck right at the time of the sinking, rather than belowdecks in the steerage areas. His mother, Rhoda, was the only woman to be rescued alive from the water, and his older brother Rossmore’s body was found (#190).
• He may have had fair hair – his brother’s body is described as being “very fair,” though it’s unknown if this refers to skin or hair. An alleged* photo of him from the Pigeon Forge Titanic Museum shows a light-haired boy. However, both his mother and brother appear to have dark hair in photos taken of them.
• There is nothing to suggest he would have had Danish coins.

William Neal Thomas Ford:
Little is known about Ford, an English youth emigrating to the USA with his extended family and a family friend. None of their bodies are known to have been recovered (although they may be among the unidentified). He has no known connection to the letter A or to the nation of Denmark. Therefore, I see him as among the most unlikely of these boys to be Body #1.
William Andrew Johnston:
William Johnston, a cousin of William Ford, is a slightly more likely candidate for two reasons. Firstly, his father’s name (and his own middle name) was Andrew, providing a connection to the letter A. Secondly, in the one photo of him provided by the Titanic Museum in Pigeon Forge,* he appears to have had light hair.
Albert and George Rice:

• The Rice family is known to have been on either the boat deck or A-Deck on the night of the sinking (reported by family friend Bridget Mulvihill, who survived), and their mother Margaret’s body was recovered. In fact, her body was #12, meaning her body was presumably located far closer to #1 than Austin Van Billiard’s was. (Though this doesn’t necessarily mean much given how far apart the bodies might have drifted, how they might have been flung around by the ship’s foundering, etc.)
• They were originally from the U.S., having only lived in Ireland for about a year following the death of their father.
• Albert’s first name, of course, starts with “A.” One may imagine that, perhaps, Margaret Rice might have given handkerchiefs to all her sons with their own first initials embroidered on them.
• Their hair colour is difficult to determine from photographs – it looks on the darker side to me, but this may simply be due to poor lighting.

Filip and Clarence Asplund:
I believe the Asplund boys are the strongest possible candidates for body #1, due to the following evidence:

• They have, by far, the strongest association with Danish coins out of all the boys I have examined. The Asplund family was of Swedish descent; most of their 5 children had been born in the U.S., but they later returned to Sweden and had been living there about 4 years before deciding to return once again to America in 1912. Their home in Sweden was Alseda Village, Småland, located relatively far south in the country; they certainly lived closer to Denmark than anyone else on this list, and very likely passed through it on their way to England to board the Titanic. It is even possible that the coins were not Danish but Swedish – someone more knowledgeable about early 20^th-century Scandinavian currency would have to tell me how similar they looked.
• Furthermore, as they had once lived in the U.S. and were travelling back there, it makes sense for them to have been carrying American money as well.
• Obviously, the “A” on the handkerchief could be for Asplund.
• As Swedes, the boys could very well have had light hair. It’s hard to make out their hair colour in the only known photos of them (Filip, Clarence), but surviving siblings Lillian and Felix appear to have had light hair in some photos (1, 2)
• The entire family was known to have been on one of the upper decks (Boat or A) at the end. As third-class passengers, they arrived there quite late in the sinking. Mother Selma managed to board one of the later lifeboats (I have seen boats 10, 15, 4, and Collapsible C all suggested) along with children Felix (3) and Lillian (5), but somehow the three other children – Filip, Clarence, and Lillian’s twin Carl – were left on board with their father, also named Carl. Furthermore, Carl Sr.’s body was recovered (No. 142), further proving that the Asplunds were up on deck during the final plunge.

If I had to choose between the two Asplund boys for the true identity of body #1, I would suggest that it was 9½ year old Clarence, rather than 13-year-old Filip, due to the fact that those identifying the body clearly deemed it likely to belong to a 9-year-old. However, I think either boy is a likely option.

Part III: Conclusion

None of this is to say that I think the body couldn’t have been one of the Van Billiard boys. After all, there had to be *something* that caused Walter Van Billiard to be singled out amongst all the other possible candidates. Any of the clues I pointed out in this post may have been red herrings.
Maybe the “A” handkerchiefs were a parting gift from a friend whose first or last name started with that letter, or a souvenir of some city the boy had visited. Maybe the Danish coins were simply picked up off the deck, or given to this boy by a Danish passenger for whom he had done a favor. Maybe the age estimate was far off, and the boy was actually a tall 7-year-old or a very young-looking 15-year-old. Maybe Walter really is resting alongside his father in Union Cemetery, Flourtown, Pennsylvania. In the end, unless DNA analysis is ever done, we will never know the true identity of body #1.
My personal ranking of likelihood, out of all the boys examined, is:

1. Clarence or Filip Asplund (in that order), aged 9 and 13
2. Walter or James Van Billiard, aged 9 and 10
3. Eugene Abbott, aged 13
4. Albert or George Rice (in that order), aged 10 and 8
5. William Andrew Johnston, aged 8
6. William Neal Thomas Ford, aged 14
7. Harold, William, or Charles Goodwin (in that order), aged 10, 13, and 14 – I might even bump Harold (and possibly William) up higher than William Ford due to their younger age.
8. Frederick Hopkins or William Watson, aged 14
9. George Frederick Sweet, aged 14 (almost 15)
10. Husayn Ibrahim, aged 11, or Betros Seman, aged 10
11. Anthony William Sage, aged 12 – borderline impossible as Will Sage’s ticket was found on body #67, meaning that was almost certainly him. Perhaps an onboard friend of his had stolen his ticket as a prank, or they had switched tickets to keep as mementoes of each other, but I find this quite unlikely.
12. Karl Thorsten Skoog, aged 11 – impossible; his missing or prosthetic leg would certainly have been noted.

The true tragedy of Body #1 is the fact that there are so many possible candidates for its identification. In memory of all these boys and their families who were lost on the morning of April 15^th 1912.
^\I have some doubts about the veracity of some photographs from the Titanic Pigeon Forge Museum, but the vast majority of the photos I've seen from there are genuine. I can elaborate further in the comments if anyone is interested.)

Female, 31 years old. 5' 4", ~97 lbs. Entirely healthy pre Sep 2024. I don't have flares or episodes per se, just getting sicker and sicker which more signs of systemic issues.
After 10 months of seeing over 20 specialists, a misdiagnosis that put me on immunosuppressants/biologics for 6 months, ER visits, hospital stays, and almost entirely normal testing... finally received some quite out of range results. And they are... not what I expected.
Symptoms: - Edema (no joint involvement or synovitis) in fingers, hands, knees, and able with large tissue lumps/cysts around ankle bone and feet. This started in my hands only and time got much worse, spreading to other body parts. - Livedo reticularis and rashes: Vasculitis tests are negative (ANCA and biopsy), but livedo is not particularly benign. Always present in ankles and hands / wrists as well as knees. Gets worse when cold but doesn't quite go away upon warming. Maculopapular rash on chest and back. Burning red patches on mottled skin. Intermittent odd rashes that come and go. Constantly purple feet and very obvious evidence of vasoconstriction. - Severe BP fluctuations. I have been sent to the ER for 70/30 before and then once had an acute kidney injure after a period of very elevated BP. Recently, it is 150/110 whilst resting. While it does lower at times slightly in the day, the high or low levels tend to last months. - Acute kidney injury in Feb 24, but quickly resolved after 4 days hospital admission - otherwise rising but normal creatine. - Daily headaches, abdominal issues, significant weight loss. - Tender skin with what looks like small patches of lost pigment (permanent) - Clusters of blood spots, disappear within a few days but reappear elsewhere. New bruising daily. - Abnormal UAs but no infection or bacteria culture growth.
Tests: - All autoimmune, heme, cardiology, neurology tests normal for typically tested conditions. No sign of concern with vein or arteries via Dopplers, aside from diminished PVR waveforms in feet/toes and milt arterial insufficiency in upper extremities. - Very odd MRI results - suggest chronic changes in tendons / ligaments in ankles + edema around the cartilage in knee (I'm slightly underweight, have never been particularly athletic, no prior injury, and am 31 - so unlikely to be overuse) - Punch biopsy on leg (no lesion or ulceration) showed perivascular erythrocyte extravasation, increased vessels, and subcutaneous fibrosis.
Recent tests (normal): - Chromogranin A: 64 (Normal range: 0 - 187 ng/mL) - Metanephrine, Free: 32 (Normal value: <=57 pg/mL)
Abnormal ** - Normetanephrine, Free: 382, ~3x elevated (Normal value: <=148 pg/mL) - Total, Free (Mn+Nmn): 414, ~2x elevated (Normal value: <=205 pg/mL) - Glucagon: <6, low (Normal range: 11 - 78 pg/mL) - Aldosterone, LC/MS: 102, ~5x elevated - Plasma Renin Activity, LC/MS/MS: 3.44 (Normal range: 0.25 - 5.82 ng/mL/h) - ARR: ~30
I understand this suggests adrenal dysfunction / potential tumor - my dr. has been vague as I am guessing he does not want to scare me but these odd results are causing even more anxiety as I don't understand the degree to which they are indicative of such. Next step is 24 hour urine.
More confusing, my Dengue antigen test came out quite high, though antibody low so no current infection. My symptoms began 3 days after a spending a week in USVI - a dengue epidemic. I did not have a typical fever but rashes look similar to "acute phase"... though 10 months later I still have these. I don't see much research on chronic Dengue that lasts this long, but timing seems way too coincidental. I was also put on immunosuppressants within a few weeks of this, so am wondering if it's crazy to think this may have caused long term vessel issues / immune deficiency / and proliferated potential tumors??

Female, 31 years old. 5' 4", ~97 lbs. Entirely healthy pre Sep 2024. I don't have flares or episodes per se, just getting sicker and sicker which more signs of systemic issues.
After 10 months of seeing over 20 specialists, a misdiagnosis that put me on immunosuppressants/biologics for 6 months, ER visits, hospital stays, and almost entirely normal testing... finally received some quite out of range results. And they are... not what I expected.
Symptoms: - Edema (no joint involvement or synovitis) in fingers, hands, knees, and able with large tissue lumps/cysts around ankle bone and feet. This started in my hands only and time got much worse, spreading to other body parts. - Livedo reticularis and rashes: Vasculitis tests are negative (ANCA and biopsy), but livedo is not particularly benign. Always present in ankles and hands / wrists as well as knees. Gets worse when cold but doesn't quite go away upon warming. Maculopapular rash on chest and back. Burning red patches on mottled skin. Intermittent odd rashes that come and go. Constantly purple feet and very obvious evidence of vasoconstriction. - Severe BP fluctuations. I have been sent to the ER for 70/30 before and then once had an acute kidney injure after a period of very elevated BP. Recently, it is 150/110 whilst resting. While it does lower at times slightly in the day, the high or low levels tend to last months. - Acute kidney injury in Feb 24, but quickly resolved after 4 days hospital admission - otherwise rising but normal creatine. - Daily headaches, abdominal issues, significant weight loss. - Tender skin with what looks like small patches of lost pigment (permanent) - Clusters of blood spots, disappear within a few days but reappear elsewhere. New bruising daily. - Abnormal UAs but no infection or bacteria culture growth.
Tests: - All autoimmune, heme, cardiology, neurology tests normal for typically tested conditions. No sign of concern with vein or arteries via Dopplers, aside from diminished PVR waveforms in feet/toes and milt arterial insufficiency in upper extremities. - Very odd MRI results - suggest chronic changes in tendons / ligaments in ankles + edema around the cartilage in knee (I'm slightly underweight, have never been particularly athletic, no prior injury, and am 31 - so unlikely to be overuse) - Punch biopsy on leg (no lesion or ulceration) showed perivascular erythrocyte extravasation, increased vessels, and subcutaneous fibrosis.
Recent tests (normal): - Chromogranin A: 64 (Normal range: 0 - 187 ng/mL) - Metanephrine, Free: 32 (Normal value: <=57 pg/mL)
Abnormal ** - Normetanephrine, Free: 382, ~3x elevated (Normal value: <=148 pg/mL) - Total, Free (Mn+Nmn): 414, ~2x elevated (Normal value: <=205 pg/mL) - Glucagon: <6, low (Normal range: 11 - 78 pg/mL) - Aldosterone, LC/MS: 102, ~5x elevated - Plasma Renin Activity, LC/MS/MS: 3.44 (Normal range: 0.25 - 5.82 ng/mL/h) - ARR: ~30
I understand this suggests adrenal dysfunction / potential tumor - my dr. has been vague as I am guessing he does not want to scare me but these odd results are causing even more anxiety as I don't understand the degree to which they are indicative of such. Next step is 24 hour urine.
More confusing, my Dengue antigen test came out quite high, though antibody low so no current infection. My symptoms began 3 days after a spending a week in USVI - a dengue epidemic. I did not have a typical fever but rashes look similar to "acute phase"... though 10 months later I still have these. I don't see much research on chronic Dengue that lasts this long, but timing seems way too coincidental. I was also put on immunosuppressants within a few weeks of this, so am wondering if it's crazy to think this may have caused long term vessel issues / immune deficiency / and proliferated potential tumors??

A razor burn is a red rash that appears on the area of the skin after shaving unwanted hair, likely due to irritation and inflammation [3]. Razor burns can affect any area of the body that you shave, such as your face, neck, legs, armpits, or pubic area. Essentially anyone who shaves off unwanted hair with a razor can be affected by razor burns.
Herpes is also known as oral or mouth herpes, genital herpes, and herpes simplex [1]. Herpes is caused by the herpes simplex virus, type 1 (HSV-1) and type 2 (HSV-2) [1,2]. HSV-1 is the more common type and is associated with causing oral herpes [2]. Genital herpes is a sexually transmitted infection (STI) and is primarily attributed to HSV-2. There are an estimated 572,000 new genital herpes infections in the United States per year [1].
There are significant differences in the way the symptoms appear between razor burns and herpes. Razor burns will appear as a patchy skin rash; if ingrown hairs are present, they will also present with small red pimple-like bumps [3,4]. On the other hand, herpes will have bumps that form in clusters and look like fluid-filled sores or blisters [1,2]. Even though herpes bumps go away, they will eventually return. Herpes will often have other symptoms, such as fever and headache.
Since razor burns and herpes outbreaks may have similar features, contact your healthcare provider or schedule a telehealth visit to speak with them about your signs and symptoms if you are ever in doubt. It’s essential to correctly identify each condition and treat them accordingly.
You can also opt for sexual health testing year-round through the Everlywell+ STI testing membership, giving you easy access to a wide of variety of STI test options.

Content Warning: Contains themes of drug trafficking, violence and profanity
Ain’t No Fun When The Rabbit Got The Gun
“Ay yo, Mo-Mo, maybe you should be careful what you wish for. Things is basically goin’ all right now but they can get worse for us real quick I think. We can prolly smooth this shit out. We should try and talk wit them, for starters at least. Shit.”
He just looked at me with something dark and dangerous swimming through the shallows behind his gray-green eyes.
Sure, it would have been easy to just go along with the rest’a them but my pops raised me to play chess, not checkers, from a young age and I learned a few things about thinking two or three steps ahead. I aint no dumb muthafucker. "Taking the long view", that’s what they call it. I never went to college and I don’t know my IQ score (I never even took the SAT) but I like to think I aint just some dumb nigga from down the block. I don’t know where you from but out here, where I stay, you best be at least a little bit smarter than these streets.
So when Big Mo said it was time to take out Nando and Nestor - N&N’s what everyone call them - and the rest of the crew all agreed, I was obligated to disagree. There was only 6 of us but I was still "The 10th Man", as they say, and I knew about the 10th Man Rule. (My pops taught me about that shit too.) I was Mo’s top lieutenant - we went to grade school together back at P.S. 157 in the Grove Hill section of the South Bronx - and we been together for a minute but things had gotten a little shaky between us just lately so I really didn’t want to speak out, but I had to.
“Ay yo, man. If you aksin’ me? I say we let em’ have that shit for now. We got like four more empty blocks going south that we can just stretch out into without bumpin’ up against no one and if we keep on putting out that good shit in the blue Comotosa bags these junkie muthafuckers are still gonna come to us, even if it’s a few extra blocks. Ay yo, I think you already know this, Papi. Let’s try to be smart about this shit for just a minute. Bullets is cheap but pay lawyers cost money, nigga. Big money for real.”
N&N sold coke and dope in our neighborhood of East Tremont way back before we did. Nestor’s dad was slinging out here before I was even born and his boy inherited the family business when pops got sent up to The Hill on an A-1 charge like, shit, at least 15 years back. I think that was his third. I was just a kid then but he still up there and I heard he killed a nigga and he aint comin’ back. Things was all good though until recently, when they started to push down onto the corners we been holdin’ down for years, them blocks between the Concourse and Jermone Ave just south of Tremont. Not even a courtesy convo. Those blocks always been ours but lately we’ve had beef, and now we got bodies.
When Berto got shot in the leg about a month back it set things off to start with but everyone was down with Tiny - that funny fat-ass muthafucker - and they was all heated up real good when he got smoked tryin’ to run off that corner in his baggy-ass pants. Tiny couldn’t run for shit and took three in the back. We just got home from the service with his family and all, everyone cryin’ and shit. Niggas was pissed off for real, out for blood. Six dudes, nine handguns and two cut-downs on the table, everyone ready to go out and buck.
“I done been smart for a long time, Primo. I think you know, else I wouldn’t be here now, right? But maybe this is a time for muscle tho’, not brains. What’choo think, man?” Mo raised his chin towards me. It was half a question and half a challenge. They all looked at me. I knew I was out on a real thin branch to begin with so I just backed the fuck off.
“Ay, obviously it aint my call. I’m just….tryin’ to give you sumthin’ else to think on, Mo-Mo, that’s all. Options, man. I’m wit you however it go, you already know this. Shit. Where I come from? Who my peoples?” I shrugged and lit a cigarette and then just looked down at the floor.
I knew he wasn’t gonna listen.
“All right, let’s mount up muthafuckers. We on the hunt and we aint comin’ back until we drop at least three of them bitches. We gonna start at that busy corner they got on 177th and roll on from there. I know where Nestor’s grandma live and that’s where he stay most of the time. Either there or his girl’s crib down Fordham. I know where she stay too. We gonna spill some blood. Straight up. Yo Willy-Boy, go pull the truck around and we’ll see you out front in like a minute.” He threw the keys to his Escalade to the youngest kid in the room. I had a real bad feeling about the whole thing. It was too quick. They would be waiting, ready.
We all piled into the truck and I took the passenger seat, snicked a round into the chamber of my pistol and clicked off the safety. Mo had one of the cut-down shotguns in his lap - a Benelli 12 gauge loaded with pumpkin balls - as he drove. He didn’t look at me. When we got down to 177th Street and circled the corner I was relieved to see there was almost no one out there. I just assumed the 5-0 came past and business would be back up and running in like ten or fifteen minutes. We started to circle the block.
“Yo, Mo-Mo, let me out up at the corner here. I need to grab a deck of smokes and something to drink. Y’all niggas want anything?” They were all tensed-up and no one wanted shit so I stepped out on the corner and told them I’d be right back, then I walked into the bodega.
I took my time. I stood in front of the cold case for a while and looked at my phone, even though I already knew what I wanted. Then I took a can of root beer up front and made some small talk with the counter man for a while, an old Dominican dude who had been running that place since I was just a kid. We was both Yankee fans. I bought a lottery ticket and then I bought a pack of Newports, opened it and lit one, and by the time I walked back out the store the Escalade was gone, as I knew it would be. This was a real narrow one-way street and there’s no way that Big Mo could just stay double-parked out there without blocking traffic for a minute or two. Like I said, my pops taught me to think a few moves ahead. Chess, not checkers.
I stood out there in front of the bodega for a minute, smoking my cigarette, and then I heard the pop…pop…pop of gunfire and the sound of a car crash, which is basically what I expected. Big Mo was always just a little too hot. A little too quick to get involved whenever shit was jumpin’ off.
I waited to see if the Escalade would come racing up the block towards me but when it didn’t I started to jog in that direction. I heard the police sirens right when I got close enough to see Mo’s Caddilac slammed up against a few parked cars with all the windows shot out and he was slumped over the wheel. The corner was empty by then. I turned around immediately and began walking back to my crib with my head down.
I laid low for a while, “going to ground” as they say, but I knew N&N’s hangouts better than Mo-Mo did. Shit, I knew the pizza place just off Fordham Ave where all them niggas like to eat. I just chilled at home for a minute and watched some movies on Netflix and waited til’ the time was right, about two weeks later.
“What up muthafucka, you aint get a slice for me? God damn, nigga! Who pay yo bills? You know I’m hungry like a Goddamn wolf, always. What’s up? I really gotta aks?” Nando hopped out of his Lexus with his phone in one hand and looked at his man Nestor with both palms raised in a gesture of insult and offense.
That’s when I came out of the alley behind the pizzeria with my hoodie tucked over my head and put down Nestor with three shots to his chest from my Springfield .45 from less than fifteen feet away. It’s a big gun and I knocked that muthafucker straight out his shoes, sent his pizza sailing into the gutter and the rest of them young‘uns just ran off towards the Concourse. Everyone but Nando. He was just too close, which is how I planned it, and he knew that runnin’ was pointless.
He tried to get all hard with me for a minute and I saw his eyebrows scrunchin’ up but as soon as he started talkin’ I just pistol-whipped that muthafucker in the mouth and knocked out a few of his teeth. He fell to the sidewalk and then pulled himself up against the wall.
“Sup’ Nando? Aint no fun when the rabbit got the gun, right?,” I said in a quiet, scratchy voice and then smiled and chuckled at him for a second or two while pointing the barrel of my pistol directly into the center of his face as he wiped away some of the blood running down his chin.
“Shit, I don’t think your boy Nestor’s gettin’ up over there. What’choo think, man? Looks like you fresh out of muscle.” I looked over at Nestor’s dead body lying half on the sidewalk and half in the street, his white NY Knicks jersey turned mostly red at that point and I smiled some more.
“Cuz yo, with y’all gone I think I’m taking over the rest of Tremont Ave, little man. We prolly could’a worked this shit out if you just came past to talk. But nah. Not you. You too big for talk, right? Too late for talk now though I think.”
I didn’t waste no time. I just looked around to make sure no one was witnessin’ up close and then I put two in his dome. I snatched up his pocket money, his rope chain, his rings and his Rolex (I mean, you gotta be stupid to just leave all that shit behind) but I left his Glock .40 on him and then I jogged off towards Fordham Ave with my head down and my hoodie up.
Yeah, Daddy. Fuck Nando. He got his. I paid some of the little shorties from around the way to go and shoot out them street lights the night before so I wasn’t trippin’ about no security cameras. It was dark and I ain't never heard nuthin’ about it afterwards. Nuthin’. I don’t think the police round here care about this shit really. Just one street nigga killin’ another. They prolly like it that way.
I wasn't worried. I had business to tend to anyways. I had new territory to run and I knew I might need to handle up for a minute; make sure no one got no problems with the new arrangements. It was all good though. I had peoples standing with me. I know how to muscle up, for real. Shit. People always need to get paid. It’s just a matter of money, like everything else. We can hold this down. Might be a few bodies but that’s just what they call “the cost of doing business.” Ain’t no thing.
And things was working out just fine, for a while. Only two bodies got dropped, neither of them on my team, when Spring turned to Summer and then it got real hot, real quick. Not the police, but the weather. It’s like that out here. All concrete, no trees.
I was out on East Tremont two blocks off the Concourse one day in late June, just tryin’ to stay cool in the shade and collecting some dollars and paying off some of my peoples when I seen this little kid coming down the block with a grape soda in one hand, minding his own business. I only noticed the little nigga because he looked at me for a second when he got closer. I didn’t really think shit about it. I run all these corners round here and the shorties all know whassup, so kids look at me all the time. Ain’t nothing unusual. They need work but I ain’t got enough to go round for every little nigga in the South Bronx. Shit.
I was just telling Red Light - we call him that cuz he ran a red light and hit an NYPD roller from the 48th a few years back and got his ass beat for real - that my boy Shiny would come past with a re-up package for him in about an hour or two, when all’a sudden this shorty drops his grape soda on the sidewalk and pulls a little deuce-deuce auto from his pants and before I know whassup I catch three in the gut and one skimmed the side of my neck. Little shorty motherfucker tried to put one in my head too but he was already running off at that point and he only took off the top of my left ear.
It didn’t matter. I coughed up some blood and I knew I wasn’t never gonna make it to the ER up at Misericordia. That’s the only Level-1 trauma unit round here and I seen enough niggas get dropped in these streets to know it’s your only chance when you catch a few. Shit. They take you to one of these other B-list hospitals round here they might as well just leave you where they found you.
I only ever done dope a few times back when I was just a kid but Red Light was leaning over me and aksin’ what to do, so I told him to just give me a couple of them blue bags. I didn’t have no works to shoot up with (I ain’t no dope fiend) and no time neither so I just dumped that shit out on a c-note and snorted it up. Then I told Red Light to give me two more. Shit, if I was going out slow I might as well try to kill the pain, right? I couldn’t get those next two bags down though. My throat was filling up with blood by then and I was choking on it.
I remember how everything just started to fade out around then. I seen Red Light take the bloody c-note from my hand along with the rest of the cash I spilled out onto the sidewalk. He started to hustle off down the block as the sirens got closer but then he ran back and grabbed my Patek Philippe wristwatch and my gold chain, that muthafucker. I was too weak to stop him or even to reach back for my Springfield.
I guess I forgot that Nando had a kid, or maybe I just didn’t think about it at all. I don’t know. I had other shit to worry about and I thought he was just a little nigga, and he was, but still big enough to pull a trigger though. It don’t take much.
When the EMTs came rushing up to me on the sidewalk they was aksin’ all sorts of questions but I remember the pretty white lady say, “What is your name?”
I spit out the blood in my mouth and my head was starting to feel real heavy. I just told her in a half-whisper, “Ain’t no fun when the rabbit got the gun…”
Then everything just went black.
THE END

This isn't something I'd ever want to repeat ever again, but I already went through a horrible burn (it felt like a chemical burn) while using tretinoin. Long story short - I layered tretinoin with a new serum and moisturizer without 1) doing a patch test and 2) waiting until a non-tret night.
I woke up and my skin was screaming. Red. inflamed, burning, sensitive to the touch and throbbing. It was the worst thing I've ever dealt with related to skincare. Pretty sure some actives were in there that I missed, so my skin absolutely and horribly freaked out. So here is my advice and I hope that it helps in case it ever happens to you.
I recommend you purchase these (or at least purchase #1, 2 and 3):

1. OTC Hydrocortisone ointment (OINTMENT, not cream - the cream will sting).
   
2. Zinc oxide cream (aka. Diaper rash cream). I used Desitin since it had the highest percentage of zinc that I could find.
   
3. La Roche Posay Cicaplast Balm B5 (also high in zinc). Known to calm inflammation, dryness, redness, etc.
   
4. Aestura Atobarrier 365 Cream (in a tube) or any barrier cream that suits your skin, but this worked amazing for me.
   
5. If not Aestura - vaseline, aquaphor, etc. should work too but I get milia easily. I heard facial oils like rosehip, jojoba, etc. can work well too but I didn't go that route. Any barrier cream should work, just make sure it has good ingredients and is fragrance free/suitable for sensitive skin.
   

***
Stage 1: Red, burning, stinging, itchy, inflamed = The worst stage.
Do not wash your face. Do not use any moisturizers formulated with water. I know that sounds weird because you want to hydrate your skin to soothe it, right?
Welp, using water-based products on your face will just make it burn like hell and sting more. Just don't do it. As a matter of fact, stop ALL skincare products immediately until you heal your skin.
Immediately apply the hydrocortisone ointment in a very thin layer. It'll help bring the inflammation down. Then apply a thin layer of diaper rash cream. The first two nights, I used an old pillow case and went to sleep with a diaper rash cream mask.
Continue this until the inflammation calms down (I took about 2 days of this until my skin moved onto stage 2).
Stage 2: Sensitive, itchy, still inflamed but not as bad as stage 1.
You can splash your face with water but don't use any cleansers right away. Trust me, your skin isn't "dirty". It's crying for help, so the most important thing is to soothe/heal your skin first.
Once the inflammation is down, apply the cicaplast balm b5. Continue applying it throughout the day as needed to make sure your face remains hydrated. Before you go to bed, apply another diaper rash cream mask. Continue until your skin is feeling better.
Stage 3: Starting to heal and sensitive, but not inflamed, itchy or stinging at all anymore.
At this point, you can slowly start introducing a gentle cleanser back in. Continue moisturizing with cicaplast balm b5, but I started using Aestura in combination because cicaplast is so thick throughout the day for me.
I still didn't use any of my skincare products at this stage, even though I felt a lot better. I waited until I knew FOR SURE that I had healed, and then I slowly incorporated them back in at a later time.
Your skin should feel a lot better after a week.
Key points:

1. Don't use hydrocortisone on your face for too long. It's not good, so only use it as needed to bring the redness/burning/stinging down.
   
2. Trust me and make sure to use diaper rash cream because it's incredibly soothing. It doesn't feel that comfortable because it's so thick, and I looked like Casper for a few days, but I'm confident that it's what helped my skin heal so fast. Amazon sells them, but you can also find them at drugstores/Target, etc.
   
3. Cicaplast Balm B5 is amazing for its soothing/healing properties, and it absorbs a lot better than the diaper rash cream. This won't heal your skin as much as the diaper cream, but it's great to use after Stage 1.
   
4. Introduce your skincare products after at least 2 week. Definitely do not use any retinol, tretinoin, acids, etc. until you know for sure your skin can handle it or you're just setting yourself back again.
   
5. Make sure to stay hydrated and stay out of the sun during this process.
   

Be safe and hope this helps!

im f14 and using tretinoin for my acne and so i made a mistake of using 0.025% retin-a every night for the last 3 days and my neck and eye area is like kind of peeling when rubbed and it burns. does anybody have any tips i can use to help the burning/dryness/itchyness, and does anyone have a routine i can use to re ease into the cream. pls

Initiate Technique: The user of this technique has runes inscribed on their body that formed once they awaken the curse technique. The runes they receive will always be placed on the body in a spot that they work with the most, and whenever a rune is in use, it will glow blue with cursed energy. The basic runes you start with are Strength (which appears on the bicep), Speed (Appears on the thigh), Durability (Appears on the chest), and Cursed Energy Replenish (Appears on the stomach).
Extension Techniques:
Rune Forge: The user’s body acts like a weapon, and with this cursed technique it is important to hit, temper, and mold this weapon to its utmost perfection. Because of this, the user of this technique has the ability to copy the fundamentals of a cursed technique and/or attack and forge it onto their body, but this can only be done once the user has taken damage from the cursed technique/attack and survives. If they do, a rune will appear on the user’s body where the cursed technique/attack would make sense and begin to glow and flash blue with cursed energy. In order for the user to ensure the rune stays, they must coat their hands in cursed energy and strike the rune to forge it in place on their body. Once done, the rune is set in place, and now can’t be removed unless the user gives up the rune.

Rune Exchange: If the user wishes, they may transfer the rune from the cursed technique/attack that is on their body, whether it is in the glowing stage or not, onto someone else, but in order to ensure the rune stays in place, they must also strike it with their fist coated in cursed energy.

Rune Upgrade: Depending on the strength of the attack, the rune may change color which in turn will increase the strength of the attacks. Almost like a rarity system. Blue à Common/Base, Purple à Epic/Stronger, Yellow à Legendary/Max Strength. Under *certain* conditions an attack strong enough can surpass Yellow and go to the strongest level which is Red à Godlike/Unknown Strength.

Maximum Technique, Flash Forge: The user super charges cursed energy throughout their body and causes each rune to immediately go up one level, if the rune is at Yellow then nothing changes, but for the limited time this Maximum Technique is in play, all runes will be at their next level of strength.

Domain Expansion, Forge of the Rune Keeper: In this domain, the surrounding changes to the top of a large stone mountain that is flattened at the top with large stone walls poking up and surrounding everyone, keeping them trapped on the tap. This domain does not have a sure-hit that deals damage, instead on the top of the mountain, an old looking man is set at a forge where if I give him one of my runes, for as long as I’m in the domain, he will upgrade them until they reach that max level, being yellow. During this entire process, the old man can not be harmed and any changes done to the runes will be permanent and remain even when the domain closes. Though, the user can choose to make a single change where the old man does become vulnerable, but by giving this up, the rune can be forged beyond yellow and reach the red stage.
Hand Sign: When signing for this domain, the user holds one hand out palm up, and the other up in the air in a fist. Then like a hammer striking steel, bring their fist down and strike down onto their palm. (Head canon is that the sound of a hammer striking steel is heard when this motion is made, and sparks of cursed energy fly off).
Cursed Energy Trait, Solid: In shows/manga, all depictions of CE tend to be it flowing, flickering, and moving almost like a fire. This CE trait, however, makes the CE solid with no movement whatsoever. When defending with CE, the user would be able to take less damage, and the opponent would feel like they hit a solid wall. When attacking with this trait, it’ll feel like someone is slamming hammers on you, but it’s just solid CE dealing more damage.

Fordyce spots are enlarged oil glands that can show up on hairless parts of your skin. They're a normal part of the skin and are commonly found on the inside of your cheeks or the edges of your lips, and less commonly on the foreskin or other areas of your penis, or near your vaginal opening. They're named after John Fordyce, the dermatologist who first described them back in 1896.
While Fordyce spots may seem like something to be concerned about, they're harmless. About 70%-80% of adults have them. People assigned male at birth are most likely to have them.
Fordyce spots don't hurt, but some people say spots on the genitals can get itchy or inflamed during sex.
Fordyce spots can be:

• White, yellow, pale red, or the same color as your skin
• Single bumps or clusters of bumps
• In one or more areas of your skin
• Small, ranging from about 1 to 3 millimeters across, or no bigger than a sesame seed
• Found most often around the mouth, but also on the genitals (including the penile shaft, penile head, and foreskin, and on the labia, the folds of skin around the vaginal opening)

You can get genital herpes symptoms on or between the buttocks, including bumps or clusters that look like a rash.
Herpes is a common viral infection caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV).
It’s possible to get herpes symptoms on your buttocks, especially if it’s related to genital herpes (HSV-2) spread through sexual contact. In rarer cases, oral herpes (HSV-1) can cause herpes outbreaks on the buttocks, too.
This virus can stay dormant in your body for years after contraction but can cause outward symptoms during outbreaks. The most notable signs of herpes are bumps, sores, or blisters on the skin.
Read on to learn more about how to identify herpes on the buttocks, how it’s treated, and how you can help relieve some of these symptoms at home.
Symptoms
Here are some of the most common symptoms of herpes on the buttocks:
skin feels itchy or burns before bumps or blisters appear
red bumps or lesions sensitive to the touch that may look like a rash or pimples
fluid-filled blisters with light-colored centers
clusters of bumps or blisters on the lower back, buttocks, or inside the groove between your buttocks (also known as the crack)
discomfort or pain while peeing.

I have been going out clubbing on girls night about once a month, and it morphed into me sitting on the couch while my friends flirted and made out with guys. I would talk to the 'spare' guy, but absolutely no flirting, kissing or touching.
I know two of the girls in the group from uni, and the rest of the girls are friends of friends. We would go clubbing (where I live has quite the night life, and my city is a bit of a tourist destination, so it's always busy), have a few drinks and dance, then head home. The last few times I went with them (I usually only go once a month, but most of them seem to go every week, or even twice a week), my friends have been meeting guys rather than just dancing, and then going back to someone's place to flirt and make out. One of the group, who I have dubbed Barracuda (she honestly scares me and totally gives off that vibe) lives with her bf, but when he was away for work was when the girls would invite guys back to her house. Barracuda has been doing a lot of flirting with the guys who come back with our group, and more than once she has gone to one of the bedrooms with a guy for an hour or so. I'm honestly a bit naive and always assume the best of people, but even I'm guessing she has cheated on her boyfriend. She doesn't kiss or make out with anyone in the public areas of the house where I can see, but what else would they be doing in a bedroom for that long?
It gets a little worse. My girl friends never wanted me to bring along my fiancé, because he'll "cramp their style" for what's basically become making out with guys. I get pretty bored sitting around waiting for my friends to finish flirting or kissing these guys, so I would sometimes sit and talk with the 'spare' guy who wasn't paired up with one of my friends. I felt super guilty about hanging out with these guys when my fiancé is waiting for me at home, but I also feel guilty about leaving these guys sitting there waiting on their friends. I never flirt or touch them or kiss them, but the thought of my handsome, kind, generous fiancé sitting at home while I'm chatting to guys had me twisted up with guilt. I don't know exactly how I got into this situation, but my fiancé has gently pointed out to me a couple of times that I can be a bit of a people pleaser, so there's that. 🥲
So based on many comments on my first two posts, and some hard thought on my end, I decided to claim I was busy (not hard since we are part-way through my exam block for uni) and not attend the next girls night, until I could figure out how to tell my fiancé what was going on. In my last two posts, I got some good advice on how to broach the topic, so I was just figuring out the best one to suit me.
I told my fiancé that I wasn't going out for girl's night this weekend because some of the girls made me uncomfortable, but he just nodded and didn't say anything, staring off into the distance. I was kinda bummed because I was hoping that would prompt some questions which would lead to a conversation in a natural way. I tried again by telling him I was cutting contact with the girl group, but he didn't really react to that either.
Frankly, he seemed kind of out of it all week, really distracted and giving short answers, staring off into the distance a lot. He hadn't rejected me when I hugged him or snuggled or kissed, but he never initiated this last week, which isn't normal. I figured he was stressed from work, but his behaviour kinda weirded me out.
Come the night of girls night, I was sitting in the lounge room watching some reality TV (trashy, I know, but I was really on edge and needed a distraction) and idly going through my notes for my upcoming exams. My fiancé had been in his study all day (catching up on work even though it was a Saturday) when he finally emerged. He stopped dead, his expression surprised, and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was waiting for him to finish work so we could spend some time together. He got this really weird expression on his face, and didn't seem to know what to say. I reminded him that I had decided not to go to the girls night out, and had told him earlier in the week. He still didn't seem to know what to say, and didn't ask any questions.
Eventually, he told me that a friend of his needed some help, and he'd be gone a few hours. I asked if he'd like me to come, and I swear his face got an almost terrified expression on it. I told him I could change if he needed me to (I was dressed in some jeans and a t-shirt), but he said it would be best if I didn't get involved. Which was a super weird thing to say, but this week has been super weird all up. He then left, and I took the opportunity to finish writing my thoughts out and prepare for how to tell him. An hour or so after my fiancé left, I started getting weird text messages from a couple of my girl friends. Apparently, Barracudas bf came back in a surprise visit, and caught her red-handed. I got some accusatory text messages asking if I set her up or something. I texted back for more details, but then I think I got blocked.
At first, I thought I was lucky I hadn't been there, but it gets more complicated.
My fiancé came home around midnight, and I rushed to the door to give him a hug and let him know what was going on with my girl friends (at least what I could figure out). But he held me at arms length, which really hurt. I asked what the hell was going on, in a fairly straightforward manner (not usual for me), and he looked startled, but asked me to come with him to the lounge room. We sat down, and he dispassionately told me about Barracudas bf installing a door cam, and figuring out his gf was cheating on him. He'd planned to catch her in the act by pretending to fly to work the day before and stay in a hotel, but he also contacted my fiancé since I was the only other attached girl in the situation. My fiancé planned to turn up and catch me in the act if I was cheating as well.
At this point, I burst into tears because I don't handle confrontation well, and I couldn't get any words out between sobs. I was an absolute mess - this wasn't a couple of tears and glimmering eyes like in the movies. It was an ugly cry with snot and my entire face blotchy. I couldn't explain myself and just shoved the paper I'd been writing my thoughts out on at him while blubbering incoherently.
He found me a box of tissues, and I tried to clean myself up while he read through my somewhat disjointed notes. In the end, he asked me point blank if I had ever cheated on him, and I remember shaking my head vehemently, and trying to deny it through tears. He nodded, saying some of my girl friends there that night has vouched for me, though they seemed convinced I had ratted Barracuda out to her bf. He asked me if I had known what Barracuda was up to, and my tears had subsided enough that I was able to explain that I suspected what she was up to, but hadn't seen anything myself.
He rolled his eyes at that, looking exasperated, and asked me what would anyone think at that point. I started crying again, but managed to get out that I hadn't felt it was any of my business, but that I had wanted to tell him, and that's why I had drafted the notes.
My fiancé raised his voice at this, and started shouting about how he would want to know if he was being cheated on, and people who know about cheating and don't say anything are almost as bad as cheaters. His voice was still loud as he told me he was really angry at my lack of boundaries, and staying there to talk to guys had violated his trust. I was shocked at this point. My normally quietly assertive fiancé was shouting, and I couldn't recall that ever happening before. Sure, we'd had some arguments in three years of dating, but we rarely even raised our voices and always kept things civil. This time, his jaw was clenched and veins were standing out in his neck and forehead. His eyes were wild, and I admit I got this little tingle of attraction that I couldn't explain. I should have felt worried because I'd never seen him so angry, but I still felt totally safe with him.
He calmed himself down pretty quickly, and I thought maybe we'd start sorting things out. But then he looked at me, and it was really sad, combined with some betrayal and a tiny bit of contempt. He'd never looked at me like that before, and suddenly I knew we were NOT okay. I started sobbing again, and he told me he was sleeping in the guest room, and we'd talk more in the morning.
I honestly think I was still in shock and reacting slowly, because before I knew it, my fiancé had collected his pillow and phone charger, and the guest room door was locked. I pounded on the door a bit, and begged him to talk to me, but he ignored me. I eventually went to sleep in our usual bed, wearing his favourite hoodie that smelled like him. In the morning, my fiancé was waiting for me in the kitchen/informal dining area.
He told me that I had broken his trust by hanging out 1-on-1 with guys instead of having him there, and not reporting what was happening in terms of cheating. What really sucks is that he wasn't even a tiny bit wrong. I know that now, and my guilt earlier kinda told me I knew earlier as well. I apologised profusely, saying I would never do anything like that ever again. I asked him what I could do to earn his trust back, and his answer had me flabbergasted. He said I needed to move out, "get my crap together", get some counselling, and build better boundaries. After that, he might be able to trust me again, when he'd seen that I'd made some big changes, but it wasn't an automatic thing, and we might not get back together.
I felt like I was in an alternate universe. I managed to stammer out that I didn't have money for counselling, or enough to pay for food, petrol, and bills, let alone rent. Couldn't I stay here and make it up to him?
He refused, saying I needed to move out on my own and go to counselling. That it would be an important first step in building some proper boundaries. I burst into tears again at this point, and begged him not to break up with me and kick me out, that I loved him and wanted to be with him. He said he loved me too, but it hurt to look at me right now, and he needed space.
It took me a couple of minutes to calm myself down. Once I could talk coherently again, I told him I understood, and wanted to give him that space, but I had nowhere to go. I know there's a worldwide housing crisis, and many fellow Redditors will be familiar with the problem of finding housing. Where I live, it's a common practice to outbid others on rent by simply offering to pay more. Apparently, there's some legislation coming soon to my state to fix that, but it sure ain't here now, and finding affordable housing at short notice is practically impossible. I am also halfway through my exam block (which I've been studying hard for, but still have two exams left), and this was going to be incredibly disruptive to my studies. Honestly, I was trying not to hyperventilate - my fiancé was breaking up with me, I had to move out with zero notice, couldn't think of anywhere to live, I was halfway through super stressful exams for my Masters, and I wouldn't be able to pick up more work shifts with my current study load for at least another week.
My fiancé said he'd organised some short term accommodation for me, and I needed to pack some bags. I was in shock. He walked to the bedroom and pulled out my suitcases as I followed him on autopilot, then we packed almost silently together. It was the most surreal feeling as I watched most of my belongings make their way into my luggage. I realised just how much my fiancé had bought for me over the three years we were together - clothing, shoes, make-up. My phone and laptop had been gifts, as he wanted me to have the best to do well at uni. He'd bought me entire outfits so I could feel beautiful while helping him schmooze at his business parties. My smart watch, that I really only wore at the gym. Some noise cancelling headphones so I could focus on uni assignments and exam prep. He'd even bought me the luggage we were packing in, for a couple of overseas holidays we'd gone on over the years. I managed to sneak his pillow in place of mine, and I was still wearing his hoodie from sleeping in it.
Before I knew it, all my stuff was in the backseat of my little hatchback, and he took one look at me and said he'd drive me to the temporary accommodation. He gently pushed me in the passenger side and did up my seatbelt, then got in the driver's side and started driving. He drove north a few suburbs, getting closer to my university, and pulled into some underground parking for high rise apartment buildings. He parked, we got some of my luggage out, and took the lift without saying a word. I was still trying to process everything, but suddenly realised I was about to lose my perfect fiancé over stupidly keeping my mouth shut when I shouldn't have. I managed to get my arms around him, and clung on like a baby koala and wouldn't let go. I was blubbering that I loved him and would do anything, even wearing all the lingerie he had bought for me. 🫣 He was blushing at that, but managed to push my luggage out of the lift, and then lumbered down the hallway with me clinging on him with both my arms and legs wrapped around him. A family with young children was coming out of their apartment and saw us, watching shocked as I clung to him, blubbering and making wild promises of all the things I would do to him in bed, as he tried to open the door to my temporary accommodation. He got it open, and then the husband of the little family helped him get all the luggage from the lift and inside the door as I continued crying and begging him not to break up with me. He thanked the man, then got the door closed, and waddled with me into the bedroom. We flopped back onto the bed together, and I started kissing his neck and giving the little nibbles he likes on his neck and ears, although the effect was kinda ruined as I'd been crying a lot, and was snotty again at this point. He got me some tissues from the night-stand next to the bed, and I cleaned up, but still had my legs locked around his waist. He managed to disentangle me, then stood up. I was about to grab him again, but his face was kinda cold, and I shrank back, feeling humiliated.
He asked for the engagement ring back, and the waterworks started again as I struggled to get the ring off my finger with shaking hands. I managed it, then threw it at him in a pique of anger. That beautiful diamond and white gold ring hit him in the chest, but he just caught it on the rebound, and it didn't even hurt the heartless man at all. He said he'd text me all the details I'd need for where I'm now staying, and that I should reach out to my work to see if I could get more shifts to make ends meet. I was just getting angry at this point, and told him to get lost. And with that, he left, the door banging shut behind him.
It's mid-afternoon, and so much has gone down in such a short time. The entire course of my life has changed in what amounted to one evening and a morning. Less than 24 hours. I'm sitting on the tiny balcony that this one bedroom apartment has, huddled in my ex-fiancé's hoodie to keep warm from the stiff sea breeze, about ten floors up and looking out at the blue-grey sea. True to his word, he texted me the address of where I'm staying, details on how to pay the rent and bills (he was careful to say twice that I didn't need to pay any rent for the next two weeks due to my studies), details on the included parking space and the code for the parking lot gate. He must have got all this ready during the week leading up the night I'm now referring to as 'Operation Barracuda'. No wonder he was standoffish.
Ugh, I can't start crying again. My eyes hurt, but my heart hurts more. I just completely blew up my life with some lies of omission, and destroyed my ex-fiancé's trust in me. At least I have a counselling session to look forward to. He texted me the details of my first session, which he carefully booked around my uni classes and exams. He said the first dozen sessions are already paid for. He's broken up with me, but still looking after me. Dammit, I'm crying again.
So, Reddit, is it really over with my ex-fiancé? Is there anything I can do to get back together with him, or is it truly over? I know I need to focus on my studies, especially since I'm partway through my exam block, and I need to pick up a lot more work shifts when my vacay starts in mid-June. I have counselling lined up. What else should I be focused on? What pieces of my life do I try and pick up? Do you think there's anything constructive I can do with my ex-fiancé?
TL;DR I had been going out clubbing on girls night about once a month, and it morphed into me sitting on the couch while my friends flirted and made out with guys. I would talk to the 'spare' guy, but absolutely no flirting, kissing or touching. My fiancé found out from another girls bf, who was being cheated on. I had hesitated to tell my fiancé about it, as I had previously felt it wasn't any of my business. I had plans to tell my fiancé, but he found out first, felt I had poor boundaries, then broke up with me and kicked me out with less than a day's notice.

So, a 7 year old boy named Conner lives in Seattle Washington in the year 3006, he lives with a poor family consisting of his dad, mom, and brother. The mayor, Mr. Gami (the guy in the white suit with an Oni Mask) is testing how Atomic radiation could revolutionize the world. What the people don't know is that he's the leader of an underground crime syndicate mafia who is testing with Atomic Radiation to create new machinery and weapons. Conner is now 13 he lives a happy life until his parents drink some water from the faucet which is irradiated with atomic waste. The next day they're hospitalized, they sadly pass away in the hospital. The thing is that Conner and his bro didn't know what caused their death, all they know is that they died to radiation, so Conner's bro drinks more tap water and dies in the hospital like his parents. Conner is devastated and depressed, he gets fostered in a foster home. He gets adopted at 16 by a wealthy, rich family. He goes to school but most of the time he just skips it. One night he sneaks out of his house, he sees a group of men in hazmat suits causing tiny green explosions in a near by alley way, he proceeds to follow them down the alley into a secret underground area filled with mob bosses, he found out that the Mayor, Mr. Gami is creating Atomic weapons and that he killed Conner's parents. Conner runs out and hides in his house. He has wants to avenge his family so he comes up with the idea to create a suit to take down the crime syndicate. During the night Conner orders a bunch of materials, and does unauthorized tests for creating Atomic radiation in his chemistry class during the night. 2 years later he's now 18 in the year 3017 he finished creating his suit. It has a sword that can be activated to glow a bright green which is the radiation illuminating the sword. He has has miniature less lethal Atomic bombs, normal bombs, and smoke bombs in his belt and shoulder belt. His suit has a black cloth body suit covering him layered with micro fibers of lead, on top of that are titanium plates of armor covering parts of his body, he has steel armor covering his shoulders, forearms, and knees. He has glass with the plastic they use for window shields for his visor. He has a knight head/eyepiece for extra visoeye protection, it also has a toggable thermal vision. He also has grapples under his steel forearm armor. He has a supply of healing serums and venom on his left arm. He puts it on and sits on the rooftop of a tall building while it rains like a badass. He jumps off the roof and slides his sword down the side of the building to slow how fall, he grapples to a group of criminals trying to rob a middle aged woman. He learned about a team of superheroes called the Global Guardians who protected the planet during the 2010's to 2050's They consisted of Red Riot (basically superman but he was enhanced with a serum that enhances him more when near a gem called cyrophite), Girl Goddess (Wonder Woman), Light speed (The Flash), Metal Mercenary (she's in a relationship with light speed), Golden Reaper (Kind of like Moonknight and Wolverine mixed together), and Silver Scarab (basically Blue Beetle). Yet he doesn't seem to know how to be friendly because he decided to beat the criminals into a bloody pulp with his fists like batman. After a few more crime encounters he's learnt to tone the violence down a notch.
I don't have much of the story yet so I'll tell a few other things. Mr. Gami has an ancient Oni spirit protecting him which gives him powers. The girl with red hair is named Clair, she has a curse which gives her powers from hell, she has tenticles that can come out of chest, back, and arms which can be used for anything (they're kind of like symbiotic tenticles from Marvel). She is 15, she usually uses her powers to shoplift because well... she has like no family or friends because they all think she's a freak which is understandable. Whenever she gets mad or feels some sort of negative emotion it gets hard for her to control her powers. She actually met Atomic Knight when he tried stopping her from robbing a convenient store in which she got frustrated, and afraid which led her to go berserk and out of control. AtomicKnight calmed her down by talking her out of it and by buying her food. He's 20 when he meets her. He's a little more like Spider-man and Batman mixed together, Broody, dark and violent like Batman, but young, and cracks jokes depending on who he's fighting. He has like a Joel and Ellie from the last of us type of relation ship (Father and Daughter-ish) but they're mostly just friends.

40 Female Pernicious anemia Iron deficiency anemia Vitamin b12 deficiency Vitamin d deficiency P.c.o.s Asthma High blood pressure High chlosterol Hashimoto’s thyroiditis Allergies to environmental & medicines I’ve had Covid vaccines & boosters (not that I think that it’s related) I’ve had reoccurring cases of pneumonia since I’m 9 and recently found out I’m missing titers so they gave me a senior pneumonia vaccine
I’m not sure what’s going on with my body but it feels as if it’s rejecting something. I started randomly breaking out in hives about two years ago. I went to a dermatologist and I had a random breakout in her office she said it’s hives and to see an allergist. I went to an allergist and found out I’m allergic to environmental things like dust, mold etc. but not dogs which I thought was more than likely the reason because I have four. Fast forward now my body is reacting to medicines and I never had that before. I had pneumonia and was put on methlypredisond 4mg I broke out in hives, my chlosterol was going up my dr put me on atorovastin I broke out in hives. There’s a few other medicines that I can’t think off the top of my head that have also caused me to break out. The only difference I’ve noticed between the random breakouts and the medication breakouts is that the random episodes are raised pimple like bumps that are extremely itchy and last about 5-10 minutes and then completely disappear. The medication related hives are big round raised different shapes that linger a little longer and is full body, whereas the random ones are localized to one area like I’ll breakout on my chest or my forearms or my knee cap. Anyone else experience anything like this before? Any help along the way to finding out what’s going on is greatly appreciated, thank you.

Heat rash, also known as miliaria or prickly heat, occurs when the pores clog and trap the sweat in the skin. This can cause small spots of discolored skin in the affected area, in addition to itchiness and general irritation.
It appears as tiny bumps on the skin and can affect any body area, from the back and chest to the groin and inner thighs. Symptoms usually resolveTrusted Source once the skin cools down.
Hidradenitis suppurativa
Hidradenitis suppurative (HS) is a rare rash that presents as blackheads or pimple-like bumps under the skin, which may burst and ooze pus. It occurs where skin rubs against skin, so it is common in the inner thighs, groin, and armpits.
The cause of HS is unknown, but it is most common in people who:
have obesity
smoke
have depression, anxiety, or both
have diabetes, metabolic syndrome, or both
have squamous cell carcinoma in the affected areas