Is it bad to take nyquil and zyrtec

I take it for insomnia and it has been a blessing. The tiredness feels so natural. If I want to sleep, all I have to do is close my eyes and lie down. And if I feel like staying up, it's not an issue. I also wake up by myself around 6am-10am and feel rested. For the first time in over a decade, I actually feel like a human being.
My mood is also much better. Less black and white. I can enjoy the present even with a gazillion thoughts racing in my head. They're not as loud anymore. My feelings are still here. I can still be a depressed fuck, or a spontaneous spark, but bouncing back from the crash is much easier. Even my nicotine addiction is less pronounced, lol.
I feel hunger, too, and I'm so happy for it!
At first I was a bit scared, but if I can keep going like this, without any bad side effects, I never want to get off this pill.

Hello everyone. Here is my little story : Just recently after a few days of high fever , really bad intestine infection and septic shock , I had a emergency gallbladder removal surgery. All this all happened in the span of 10 days. Thankfully I survived lol. In these 10 days I lost 10lbs ( this was the best thing about this crazy experience ) , went from 275 to 265. After the surgery DR advised me to go easy on fatty foods and just take it easy until my stomach and intestines go back to normal.
Before the surgery I had very bad eating habits such as eating too much sugar , sweets , eating a full meal and then eating some more after it. I also did drink diet sodas on daily basis. I did not work out and just lived in a pretty unhealthy way foodwise. Stress was also a big part of it all as well. But I have to admit that this surgery and what happened to me out of nowhere did scare me and made me think of my life and my health.
So I figured that surgery and unintentional weight loss might be a perfect opportunity to jump into IF and changing the way I eat. I cut out soda and sweets completely. And I was no longer eating out. Whatever I would eat would have to be made by myself in my kitchen. This gave me a very good positive feeling and big sense of accomplishment when I would cook my own food and I know that it's a healthier option than eating out and eating heavily fried stuff. The hardest part for me was cutting out sugars and I had what I felt like really bad withdrawals from it. I have been doing 18:6 with one 24 as well in a week. Started doing an hour walk every second day. I lost additional 10lbs in 3 weeks and I am currently at 255lbs.
Doctor told me that in about a week I will be filly recovered and will be able to start working out and lifting weights which makes me excited because I want to start lifting and just getting my body back in order. My goal weight is 220lbs and yes I do have ways to go.
I just want to tell everyone to not be like me and wait to get scared by your own health. Don't be like me and have your doctor tell you that he is worried about you and that things are not looking the greatest. Don't be like me and say tomorrow tomorrow I will start. Start today and start slow start small , it does not matter just start.
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My MCAT is currently scheduled for June, but I am debating on moving it to August.
Kind of panicking because I am working full time and doing a SMP full time. My grades from the SMP are solid, and so is my application minus the MCAT.
I am applying heavily to DO schools. I already submitted my AACOMAS (and it will get verified with an old MCAT)
I don’t feel ready to take the MCAT in June. My last FL was around a month ago which was a 495, and I am about 1/3rd through UWORLD.
Is an August MCAT that bad? I realize most MD schools will have filled their seats by August

i have anxiety and i dont like being without my phone for extended periods of time incase i get an important message or phone call thats extremely critical. my dad suggests that i leave it in the room when we go out because it may get stolen by locals or monkeys. is it safe staying in my hotel room, and is there anywhere that i can bring my phone where it will be safe from locals and monkeys?
while me and my dad are there, he wants to get a tattoo and said that if i dont want to sit in the tattoo parlour for hours waiting then i can stay at the hotel and have a spa day. i was looking forwards to this, but my mum (who is not coming, has not been to bali, and is not in contact with my dad anymore) suggests i go with him and wait because i will "get trafficked" if i stay at the hotel on my own. is human trafficking really that bad over there, especially in private hotel settings that i would imagine would have safety measures in place?
my dad has told me that the transportation over there is an interesting situation and that we will most likely need to ride on the back of seperate bikes driven by strangers. i am worried about this since i am a minor and i would be very close with an unknown person for an extended period of time. is being touched or groped in any sort of way likely, and if it does happen, do the police or law force over there actually take action or ignore it because we are travellers?
my dad has mentioned that we need to drink bottled water and make sure not to get any shower or pool water in our mouths because we will get "bali belly" which he described as a sickness you get from drinking the unfiltered water they have there. i am fine with drinking bottled water and not getting shower and pool water in my mouth, but how do i avoid eating food in bali that has been cooked with the water and how do i check if it has?
i apologize if any of these questions were offensive in any way, i greatly appreciate and adore the indonesian culture and its people, i have just never been to a third world country before and i am worrying about safety because i am underage, and my dad isnt a very reassuring person (very dark humour).
is there anything else i should take into consideration before going?

Long story short, replaced the affected wheel speed sensor and this problem remains. Is it looking like a tone ring issue now?
Backstory with more diagnosis I tried:
Wife’s car started pulsating ABS last week on all low speed stops, on totally dry pavement, and then all the ABS and TRAC lights lit up. Scanned it and saw the complaints about the front right wheel speed sensor circuit malfunction, having foreign object on it, and so on. Taking the old sensor out, there was all kinds of black grease over it and in the space it sits, so I cleaned all that out, and reinstalled the sensor back.
After hooking up my scan tool, I went for a drive with the graph of all the wheel speed sensors displaying, and confirmed that the front right sensor was all over the place. It has erratic dips every few seconds. So this made me suspicious the sensor was bad right away. Ordered a replacement and popped the new OEM one in place.
I also did confirm continuity of the wiring harness to the sensor, and got good values displaying the wiring should be good.
This leaves the question of could this be a problematic tone ring at this point?

A little bit of backstory because I feel it's necessary, I'm 24 and I have been in therapy since I was 14 for anxiety and depression, but within the last 5 years that I've been seeing a new therapist that I really love and work well with, I've realized how much of a victim of CSA and other child abuse I am. I haven't been diagnosed with C-PTSD but my therapist suggests I may have it and encourages me to get a diagnosis.
My first CSA incident happened when I was 4 years old, by both of my parents being intimate with each other while on top of me. My second I was 5 and I witnessed them doing sexual acts to each other. There were more incidents but it's more important to know these incidents were NEVER addressed, and never brought up by me or anyone. It's also important to know my mother is a low-functioning alcoholic, her alcoholism became bad when I was 5 years old and I witnessed a lot of domestic abuse between my parents.
My mother has never respected my boundaries. As an adult, she has assaulted me (about a year, less than a year ago) by hugging me and kissing all over my neck even after I would push her away she would hold me tighter. I have awful claustrophobia because of what my parents have done to me. When I was 7, I vividly remember my mother on top of me in the family room while I was on the floor and she was tickling me and it somehow got to her taking my pants off ? Or tickling me somewhere near my hips? I instinctively kicked her out of FEAR and she fell and busted her nose and started bleeding. She immediately had an attitude towards me and I went to sleep that night next to my dad, in bed, crying and praying my mother wouldn't die that night.
Now, I want to get CBT therapy, I can't afford it at this moment, but now I'm finally at a place in my life where I want to address these things because I feel it's made me stuck in life. I can't do anything without being reminded of my childhood, and sometimes I feel like a five year old and struggle immensely with daily tasks. I also just feel so sad because I want to have a relationship with my mother and father, I love them and I know I am trauma bonded to my mom, but I want it to work. I have hope in my father listening to me, last time I opened up to them I told them that them spanking me as a form of punishment as a child was traumatic for me and it's a form of abuse and my dad actually apologized to me while my mom denied it was wrong.
My sister has been no contact for 4 months although she lives with them, because my mom and her often don't get along due to my mom's alcoholism.
My therapist has suggested writing a note to my mom, not with the intention of giving it to her, but if I write it and I feel I want to give it to her, I can. The goal is just to get how I truly feel out there into words.
Please let me know your thoughts, any suggestions are welcome. Thank you so much for reading all of this by the way, this subreddit has been amazing reading everyone's posts has been more comforting than anything I can describe. It feels so utterly lonely being a child of an alcoholic and a CSA survivor but I know I'm not alone and this subreddit shows 🫶

Is this jealousy that I’m feeling? I’m not a jealous person or envious so that ’s why I’m questioning what I am feeling. I’d rather get it off my chest. I really don’t like the way I’m feeling, it feels gross and icky.
To sum it up, I’m waiting to take my NCLEX in a month and doing what I can to prepare. I work in an icu and have been an extern there for a while. The extern manager forced another extern upon the unit from what the director told us and she wasn’t open about it but decided to give it a try. This new individual doesn’t say thanks when I help, doesn’t go into rooms when the pumps are going off and doesn’t seem to be a good team player from the times I’ve been working with her. A few night nurses tried to give her feedback and all she did was huff and puff, roll her eyes and kept replying with okay and those night nurses refused to be with her again but certain people really like her. I, on the other hand, have had a bad feeling from the first time I met her. It’s like something in my gut just keeps telling me not to engage and not to trust her. Today, she got recognition for simply following unit guidelines for wound documentation. I don’t know why that annoyed me enough to come here and post.
We are now officially transitioning from the extern position to an RN position and I can say the gap is insane and it can get overwhelming at times and I’m also dealing with impostor syndrome. I’ve only heard positive feedback from my preceptors but I still feel like I can be doing more and better. Is this common? That’s another thing I want to get off my chest, sorry it’s long. Maybe I just need to vent.
Thank you for reading and any advice given.

Hello everyone, GrimaIsBestWaifu here. As you might know, I am a massive fan of Book IV and its characters. Today marks around four years since I officially came around to Book IV after initially being a hater. Needless to say, as a Book IV nerd and enthusiast, I secured a copy of FEH's second art book at the first opportunity in order to further immerse myself in my passion. While it's an illustrations book first and foremost, I found the most value in the sections that went into detail about the lore, story, and characters of Books IV and V (but mostly IV, heh).
As of today, there is no official English version of this book, so non-Japanese readers are limited in how much information they can glean from it. This is a tragedy I can't abide, being heavily invested in FEH's story and wanting others to be able to appreciate it too, despite its flaws. There is also a decent chance that some information contained in this book will be changed or omitted in the official English version, so in that event I hope this might serve as an attestation to the "original" version. In this post, I intend to go over the section that describes the events that take place in Book IV's story. To see my translation of the section of the art book that expounds on Book IV's lore and characters, go here.
Disclaimer: I am not a native Japanese speaker, nor am I fluent in the language. English and Japanese are very different languages, so I will do my best to make things flow nicely in English while retaining as much of the original meaning as possible. Italicized text indicates my own speech, words that do not come from the book. The book's story recap is also told in past tense, but I use present tense in my translation here because I think it flows better and is easier to understand.
Chapter 1: The Dream One day, Alfonse and the others are summoned by Queen Henriette. According to her, an inexplicable incident has occurred in one of Askr's border villages in the wheat country where all its residents have fallen asleep. All efforts have been exhausted in attempting to save the sleeping villagers, who appear to be having nightmares, but none awaken. Henriette tasks them with investigating the sleep sickness there. The Order of Heroes complies, and after entrusting them with the Redolent Censer, she sends them off to the village with a smile. On the way to the village, Loki appears before the party and speaks in a way suggesting she may know something about the sleep sickness. It's possible she is planning something yet again...Alfonse and the others cautiously forge ahead.
As the Redolent Censer continuously burns with poison-nullifying incense, they arrive near the village. Sharena feels at ease and expresses gratitude towards her mother, who gave them the treasure in order to protect them. But in that moment of relaxation, she lets out a big yawn. Anna scolds her before stifling a yawn herself. Upon noticing this, Alfonse and Kiran are also beset by a fierce drowsiness, rendering them incapable of standing. By the time they realize the censer is ineffectual, it's already too late, and they are unable to resist closing their eyes...
Alfonse is with Henriette, along with Zacharias and Veronica. He is confused due to only having vague memories about why they are on a mission together. Suddenly, Zacharias attacks Henriette and corners Alfonse alongside Veronica.
Then, a girl abruptly appears and envelops the surrounding area in a dazzling light by reciting an incantation and prayer, causing Zacharias and Veronica to disappear. As Alfonse is yet again confused by the situation, the girl smiles brightly and says, "I'm Peony! I'm a ljósálfr—or light elf, you might say. I'm from the land of dreams, Ljósálfheimr." (This quote is transcribed from the official ENG script and is not a direct translation of the book's text, which uses the JP quote)
Chapter 2: Missing You (JP: One Person, Missing) The dream realm, álfar... Peony puffs out her cheeks when Alfonse cannot believe his ears. They regroup with Sharena and Anna, but Kiran is nowhere to be found. Even after following Peony's advice and trying to bend the dream world to their wishes, Kiran remains missing. Peony guides the party in their search for Kiran, claiming that the Dream-King Freyr could help.
While on the move, they fight off soldiers of nightmares, who are born from the fears of mortals and take on the forms of Heroes. Sharena also speaks with Peony about possibly having met before somewhere in the distant past. Peony responds that it might have been in a dream, and the two smile at one another, since they are quite similar and it appears they will get along well.
There a girl appears with black wings fluttering. She turns out to be Triandra, the Nightmare. As a dökkálfr from the realm of dark dreams, she is giving mortals nightmares under her liege's orders. Alfonse and the others confront Triandra when she tries to erase (In JP, the word for "erase"/"extinguish" is frequently used in place of "kill" when pertaining to the álfar) Peony. Triandra withdraws after being put at a disadvantage, stating that she won't give up.
Peony leads the group to a location with a large bed(s). Sleeping in a dream is the way to gain an audience with the Dream-King, so Sharena and Anna fall asleep. Before following their lead, Alfonse notices that he can't remember his childhood very well. Though that disquiets him, he nevertheless trusts Peony and closes his eyes. Peony is overjoyed at their faith in her as she watches them.
(In the ENG version, Sharena mentions that there are "many" beds, but the JP version doesn't make any indication of their number. Due to the fact that this art book previously mentions THREE adults being able to fit on one, it's possible that Alfonse, Sharena, and Anna all slept on it at the same time and that there is only one. However, the possibility that there are multiple of them remains open)
Chapter 3: Gullinkambi (JP: Horn of Gullinkambi) Alfonse and the others arrive in the realm of fantasy, the dream within the dream, by Peony's invitation. There stands Dream-King Freyr, who gives Alfonse the horn Gullinkambi. By remembering one's self from before falling asleep, wishing to return to the waking world, and blowing the horn, Alfonse and his party, along with the wheat country village's residents, can awaken. However, Freyr continues, stating that they must first drive back the two dökkálfar who have invaded Ljósálfheimr and are showing mortals nightmares. While offering his thanks, Alfonse asks about Kiran's whereabouts. However, even though he should know everything about the dream world, Freyr does not know where Kiran is, them being one who exists outside of the world's reason. He advises them that should they blow the horn, Kiran will also awaken. Thus, the party wakes up from the dream within the dream in order to begin their march and fight the dökkálfar.
The group traverses the dream realm following Peony's lead. Suddenly, Kiran appears before them. Though Alfonse and the others are relieved to see them, they halt in their tracks upon spotting who was next to them. "I am Plumeria, the dökkálfr of lewd dreams." (Again from ENG script)
Plumeria attacks the group along with nightmare soldiers that take the forms of Heroes from "Genealogy of the Holy War". Alfonse and the others fight them off, but Kiran also withdraws as if accompanying Plumeria. Peony states that this is because Kiran has been trapped by the dökkálfar's nightmares. Alfonse clenches his fist tightly, swearing to get Kiran back.
Chapter 4: On Dark Wings (JP: The Fluttering of Black Wings) The two dökkálfar show nightmares to mortals in Ljósálfheimr under their liege Freyja's orders. While Plumeria makes her disdain towards humans known, Triandra shows signs of concern towards Peony, who is her opposite in role.
The party continues traveling across Ljósálfheimr by following Peony's slightly dubious directions in pursuit of the dökkálfar. Anna and Alfonse can't wrap their heads around the actions they take in the dream world that would be illogical in reality. Suddenly, Sharena's gaze falls on a certain field of flowers. She says she remembers playing with girls her age in a flower field in a dream. She also remembers there being a girl similar to Peony, but Peony herself doesn't seem to recall this.
The party arrives at the Dream Gate, where the dökkálfar along with soldiers of nightmares lie in wait. They take up their weapons and repel the dökkálfar, after which Peony prompts Alfonse to blow the horn. Then, a crestfallen Peony bids them farewell, stating that they will forget about álfar like her, but that she will always watch over them, and she gives them a smile. Alfonse and the others close their eyes, trusting that they will meet again in a dream someday.
As the sound of the horn reaches Freyr's ears, his sister Freyja appears before him. Her true objective is to take her brother to Dökkálfheimr, over which she rules, while he is defenseless after handing off the horn. Were the Dream-King to leave Ljósálfheimr, order would be disrupted and nightmares would begin to flow into the mortal world and become reality. Freyja burns with jealousy upon witnessing her brother worry over the humans. Thinking to recompense them for stealing her brother's heart, her smile widens.
Chapter 5: Twisted Reality (JP: Distorting World) Alfonse wakes up to the smell of incense. Apparently, contrary to how much time they'd perceived, only a moment has passed in reality. While the other members of the Order confirm that everyone is fine, Alfonse notices that Kiran is missing. But strangely, Sharena and Anna cock their heads when he says Kiran's name. "The summoner of legend was called Kiran, right?" (ENG)
Alfonse is shocked when it doesn't appear to be in jest, based on Anna's tone of voice. Just then, an earth-splitting laugh rings out. The party prepares for combat, only to find that there stood Surtr, the king of Múspell who should've in the past been defeated. Though shocked, Alfonse faces off against Surtr, who ends up vanishing like the Zacharias and Veronica from in the dream. As the villagers awaken, unidentified troops are reported to have appeared in various places. Alfonse heightens his vigilance, suspecting that nightmares are manifesting in reality, as the group moves to eliminate those forces.
Though Sharena really can't remember Kiran, her gaze wavers from a profound sadness welling up inside. Alfonse cheers up his sister by swearing to do something about the situation. If nightmares can be defeated in the dream, they can be defeated in reality... Under this presumption, the Order marches on and discovers Peony being attacked. After rescuing her, she successfully uses her power to make Sharena and the others recall their lost memories. Then, Peony informs them that nightmares have been able to flood into the real world because Freyr has been taken to Dökkálfheimr, the nightmare realm.
Chapter 6: Dreaming Reality (JP: Dreams in Reality, Reality in Dreams) According to Peony, Freyr's sister Freyja is in Dökkálfheimr, and because they are in the same place simultaneously, the "Waking Dream" is allowing nightmares to spill into reality. In order to put a stop to the Waking Dream, the group searches for a ljósálfr who lives in a misty forest...Mirabilis, the Daydream. On their way to the forest, they encounter the real Veronica. After finding out about the situation and what the Order's objective is, Veronica states that she will come along. She says this is because she heard that her brother, Bruno (Zacharias), and Xander have returned from their travels and are now in the misty forest.
After the party arrives at the forest, they split up in search for Zacharias, Xander, and Mirabilis. Parting ways with Sharena and the others, Alfonse and Veronica venture deep into the forest and find the former two. Veronica smiles upon being reunited with her brother after such a long time apart, but her shoulders slump when she hears that he and Xander must soon leave again. She faintly smiles again when Zacharias invites her to join them, stating that he doesn't want to make her feel lonely anymore. Seeing this, Alfonse asks Zacharias if they could work together to fend off the nightmares. Apprehensively, he agrees, to which Alfonse continues. "...Thank you. As I thought, you aren't really Zacharias. [...] You said something you shouldn't already know." (This quote is a translation of the JP, since I feel the ENG line doesn't fit as nicely in this context)
At this, Zacharias and Xander's attitudes change. After repelling their assault, Veronica declares her cooperation with the Order. She then urges Alfonse to tell her about his memories of being with Zacharias. However, he realizes that he cannot remember anything from long ago for some reason.
Chapter 7: Steeped in Twilight The Order of Heroes realizes the severity of the situation that has befallen them after hearing that nightmares have reportedly been appearing unceasingly across Askr. They head deeper into the forest in search of Mirabilis so they can go to Dökkálfheimr, save Freyr, and eliminate his captors. After the scenery becomes blurry for a moment, Peony searches the surrounding area and happens upon Mirabilis. She rubs her eyes, appearing to be sound asleep. Peony pleads with her, wanting to get to Dökkálfheimr by way of Mirabilis' daydream powers. Just then, Triandra appears, the dökkálfar having also invaded the real world. She creates a nightmare embodiment of Hel, ruler of death. After defeating it, with Mirabilis in tow, the group departs in the direction of the point of twilight, which is close to Dökkálfheimr. Along the way, Sharena is bothered by a feeling that she has also met Mirabilis in a dream in the past. She believes that she, Peony, Mirabilis, and two other girls did something important together.
Eventually, they arrive at the point of twilight. It seems that here, they can cross into the nightmare realm by being given a "particularly scary daydream" by Mirabilis when day gives way to night. However, Triandra attacks them once more. Soldiers of nightmares come at them without end as they are surrounded by the sea with nowhere to run. Veronica calms the others down as they panic, stating that she will handle their pursuers on her own while they go on ahead. The last time they were in the dream world, only a moment passed in reality. Because of this, Alfonse and the others believe they will make it in time, so they close their eyes and make their way to the nightmare realm.
Chapter 8: Wallowing in Love (JP: Drowning in a Dream of Love) The group ventures into Dökkálfheimr. They are quickly met with Plumeria, who mystifies them with a bewitching sweet scent, but they somehow manage to fend off her attack. While in pursuit of a retreating Plumeria, Alfonse hears the voice of a sad young girl. However, he doesn't know whose voice it is, and the group marches on.
After catching the gentle scent of flowers whose fragrance is different from that of Plumeria's nectar smell, Sharena mentions that she remembers it. She claims it's the smell of the flower field in which she played with the other girls in her dreams. She then recalls swapping hairstyles and clothes with one of the girls who greatly resembled her, and even going to each other's homes. Anna is startled, thinking this sounds like a "changeling". As Anna explains how changelings are álfar who switch places with human children, Sharena listens with an absentminded countenance.
Plumeria again stands in the party's way, accompanied by nightmare soldiers modelled after Heroes from the "Awakening Outrealms", as they hurry to Freyr's side. However, the Order emerges victorious once again and goes on ahead. While wounded in her defeat, Plumeria hears the voice of a young girl crying for her mother, which she remembers. There, Freyja appears and grants her strength, healing her. After rising to her feet, Plumeria asks if she was a mortal before Freyja gave her life as an álfr. Freyja's expression clouds over, and she tells Plumeria that her father didn't love her or her mother, so he abandoned them. And because her daughter interfered with her desire to be with another man she loved, Plumeria's mother threw her into the bottom of a well and left her there.
By Freyja's words, Plumeria was a child nobody loved. But now, after drinking the nectar and becoming an álfr, she should just forget about that past. Her voice filled with compassion as she speaks, Freyja gives Plumeria a smile.
Chapter 9: Violent Fantasies (JP: Dream of Killing Someone) (Curiously, the recap begins with the events of Chapter 9 - 3, skipping over the first confrontation with Triandra in this chapter)
The queen of nightmares, Freyja, has abducted her beloved brother Freyr to her realm. With an ecstatic expression, Freyja declares that they shall fill the mortal world with their dreams. Freyr is dismayed, lamenting that Freyja originally didn't wish for the destruction of humans and that the two of them have already succumbed to ruin. He regrets turning human girls into álfar in order to drive back the disaster that befell the dream world in the past, when mortals gave up their dreams. Burning with jealousy over his constant concern for mortals, Freyja clenches a certain necklace.
Alfonse and the others rush to rescue Freyr, defeating Triandra, who stands in their way. As she stands up, saying that she can't yet afford to disappear (In a similar vein to what was mentioned above, the word for "disappear" is often used instead of "die" when pertaining to the álfar in JP), memories of her mortal past also pile up in her mind. Freyja appears before her, telling her that she and her younger sister were viciously abused by their non-blood related father. To protect her sister, who was in danger of losing her life, Triandra killed their father. Freyja assures her that she is not to fret over this, since she only did what she could. To this, Triandra quietly responds that she is alright.
Alfonse and the others finally reach Freyr. However, he has come under the curse of the necklace Brísingamen, and all of his dream powers have become Freyja's. With both of their powers in her grasp, Freyja has become the ruler over all dreams and is now able to freely control the dream world and bend reality itself to her whim. None are able to oppose her... Helpless against the unrelenting onslaught of Freyja's replicas and nightmare soldiers from all directions, the group falls back. However, the path leading back to Veronica has entirely vanished. "There is no way for you to survive. Taste despair in your attempts to escape." The nightmare queen sneers at them, exceedingly beautiful, (This line was very awkward to translate, I am sorry)
(To my knowledge, the quote used above doesn't actually appear anywhere in the Japanese script. It seems to just be a concise rephrasing of Freyja's dialogue at the end of the chapter)
Chapter 10: Lack (JP: Loss) The Order takes Freyr with them as they continue to flee. According to him, so long as Freyja is the ruler over all dreams, they can neither escape nor subjugate her. Even so, not wanting to give up, the group thinks of a plan. Just then, Freyr begins to tell of his and Freyja's past piece by piece. As a child, Freyja was always crying from being mocked by everyone over having a mark on her face. Freyr would steadfastly comfort his sister, who came to only smile for him. Then, she stated that she wanted to join herself to someone compassionate like Freyr when she grew older. She eventually matured to become beautiful, but didn't accept anyone's affections.
Sharena reassures Freyr along the way, to which Freyr confesses that the dream world once teetered at the brink of ruin. The only ones who could prevent the destruction of the dream world and save the hearts of mortals were children from the real world. But children who partake of dream nectar can no longer return to their world... Because of this, Freyr thought that perhaps if the children were in unfortunate circumstances, they would be happy to become special versions of themselves. He sacrificed innocent children in order to save the world even knowing it was sinful. After this, Freyr falls silent.
Their withdrawal fruitless, Freyja once again corners the Order of Heroes. Though she mocks them over their futile efforts, Freyr states that there is one way for them to escape.
"Freyja's power is the sum of our combined strengths... Therefore, one of us must be shed..." (ENG)
Freyr petitions the Order and offers himself up to them. Discerning his meaning, as Freyr can no longer manage to end his own life due to Freyja's control, Alfonse and the others cut him down.
Freyja cries out as she asks Freyr if mortals really are so precious to him that he would throw his life away for their sake. However, Freyr responds that nothing is more important to him than she is. It is because he loves her that he doesn't want to see her destroy the mortals, which is why he should disappear. Leaving her with those words, Freyr bids his sister farewell.
Freyja wails in sorrow and despair at the loss of her most beloved brother, after which she vanishes to some other location, bringing the dökkálfar with her. Due to Freyr's demise, dreams stop distorting reality. Now, they must wake up and return to their world. To grant Freyr's final wish, and to reunite with the missing Kiran...Alfonse and the others press onward.
Chapter 11: Plumeria's Dream (JP: Plumeria the Lewd Dream) The Order wakes up the the sound of Veronica's voice calling out to them. Just when they begin to relax, thinking everything is back to normal, Freyja appears before them. Chaos unfolds as everyone wonders how that can be, when nightmares shouldn't be able to encroach on reality anymore... The group is once again forced to engage in combat as they retreat. Freyja then tells them about the álfar's past as if to mock them. The álfar were originally human children who played together, who were called to the dream world in order to save it. She also describes how Mirabilis was a child who was abandoned by her mother after she was born. Finally, she tells of how among those children, the only one who didn't become an álfr was Sharena. Enveloped in Freyja's light, Sharena suddenly clutches her head in pain and faints.
After regaining consciousness at a boulder to which the group retreated, Sharena tells Alfonse that she now vividly recalls what happened in the world of dreams. "We wanted to save the world... Only...I stayed behind..." (ENG, but for curiosity's sake, the JP line goes "Only I wasn't able to become a hero...even though we said we'd save the world together...", which I think hits harder)
Sharena profusely apologizes with tears spilling from her eyes, saying that she might not really be Alfonse's sister. That she would play changelings with a girl who looked just like her, and that they would genuinely trade places upon waking. That she has memories of the small, run-down house in which the girl she'd exchange places with lived. That she might just be an ordinary child who swapped places with Princess Sharena in the dream world. And that as a consequence, the real Princess Sharena wasn't able to return home... Sharena appears discomposed as she suddenly recalls so many memories. Alfonse soothes her, saying that her memories of that house must have come from when she'd wake up as the other child.
Desiring to have them suffer like her after losing her brother, Freyja sends Plumeria after the group so the álfar will be made to kill each other. Plumeria follows her commands without saying a word and stands in the way of Alfonse and the others. She attacks them while looking like she is in tears...saying that she doesn't need reality, and that she wants to be in a dream forever. The party cannot hope to survive without fighting back so long as she continues to target them. Thus Alfonse and the others deal the final blow against Plumeria through their heartbreak. She grasps at the air and cries out for her mother over and over again like a small child as her body disintegrates. (I already felt really bad playing this story chapter in-game, but having this description makes it even worse...ow, my heart)
Even with Plumeria's defeat, the nightmares' assault does not relent. How can this be, when the Waking Dream shouldn't be able to occur with King Freyr dead? After assessing and reflecting on the situation one more time, Alfonse finally formulates an answer. "This has all been a dream... From the very beginning... Everything. All of it." (ENG)
They have been in a dream since the time they heard about the sleep sickness from Queen Henriette. If this is a dream, they should be able to return to reality this time if they blow the horn Gullinkambi in front of the Dream Gate. Alfonse marches on determinedly.
The Order takes a rest on the way to the Dream Gate. At their base, Anna reports to Alfonse about Sharena's condition after having stayed with her for a while. Afterwards, she begins to make small talk about a dream she had a little while ago about being a squirrel. She comments on how strange it is that she was convinced she was a squirrel in the dream, even though she isn't one... At this, Alfonse feels as though he is catching onto something.
Chapter 12: Triandra's Dream (JP: Triandra the Nightmare) Alfonse witnesses a daydream during the group's respite. A dream of the World of Steel, with towers stretching up high enough to pierce the skies. Peony calls it a grey world where people have forgotten how to dream. To make the álfar kill each other, Freyja sends out Triandra again. However, Freyja ponders why Plumeria and Triandra obey her orders without regard for how they are effectively being used and discarded. She asks Triandra why they would go so far as to throw their lives away in service to her. Triandra responds that she and Plumeria adore her, and that perhaps it is because mortals want to help those they care about even if they get nothing in return. Freyja shakes her head at this, being a god who doesn't understand this sentiment. She watches with a conflicted look in her eyes as Triandra departs.
Alfonse and the others fend off the advancing nightmares on their way to the Dream Gate. They are met with Triandra standing in their path, and upon seeing her, Peony's expression changes. Triandra speaks of how she could not forgive herself for being powerless to protect her younger sister as a mortal. Her dream was to obtain the power she desired in order to strike down those who would do evil. After she loses against the Order and collapses to the ground, having lost her power, she gazes at Peony and apologizes to her.
"Forgive me... I wanted to keep you safe just...a while longer..." (ENG) "...S-sister..." (ENG)
As Peony's words sorrowfully fall from her lips, Triandra's body disintegrates.
Led by Mirabilis, the group arrives before the Dream Gate at last. Following Freyr's instructions to "[p]icture the world outside the dream, and wish to return," (ENG) Alfonse sounds the horn, but for some reason, nothing happens. Alfonse goes over his thoughts once more, trying to figure out if there is something wrong with his thought process. Then, he remembers what Anna said a little while earlier. "If what I suspect is true...then the life I remember before the dream...is not my life at all..." (ENG)
Just then, Kiran appears before the Order. Alfonse is elated upon their reunion, but Kiran appears to be under the control of nightmares. With the help of Veronica and the others, he manages to render Kiran unconscious without killing them. By Peony's suggestion, they remove the hood that conceals their face. Under the hood of the collapsed Kiran...was unmistakably Alfonse's face.
Alfonse's suspicion is then confirmed. The reason why he couldn't recall his memories with Zacharias, and why he dreamed about the World of Steel, is because his past with Zacharias doesn't exist and the World of Steel is where he truly hails from.
"I am not Alfonse. [...] My name...is Kiran!" (ENG)
When they remember their true self, Freyja appears and tells them that they are having this dream because they wished for it. That Alfaðör, creator of all things, decided that Alfonse should no longer exist after he defeated Hel, sovereign of death. The Creator's will always comes to pass, and thus the real Alfonse is dead, so Freyja says.
Chapter 13: Reality Freyja continues, saying that Kiran gave form to this world and took on Alfonse's role out of grief over his loss. She claims that because Kiran is one who exists outside of the world's reason, if they combine efforts with Freyja, they could make the dream persist forever and have all their wishes come true. However, she declares that should Kiran choose reality, they will wake up in a world without Alfonse, and that she will use her power to take the lives of all of the álfar. With that, she disappears.
Peony states that because Freyja's nightmare powers still cover the area, they will be unable to use the horn. Even the álfar do not know if Freyja's pronouncement of Alfonse's death is the truth or a lie. A painful reality may await them... Holding onto that sense of unease, Kiran and the others head in Freyja's direction.
"Peony... My best friend, who I played with in the flower garden... That was you, wasn't it?" (ENG)
Sharena speaks with Peony, positing that Peony had switched places with her and drank her share of nectar because she knew there would be no going back to being human. Even so, Peony smiles, saying that making people happy was her own happiness. That neither of them know who was who originally, and that they are both each other, like two halves of a whole. If they defeat Freyja and return to reality, Peony and the other álfar will in turn be erased and the Order will forget about the dream. Sharena sobs over not wanting to lose a friend again. At this, Peony gives her a ring made of flowers. (It's a "chain" in ENG, but in JP it's described as a "指輪", as in a ring you put on your finger)
"[Even] if we do forget, that does not undo everything that's happened. [...] But if...if there's some way you can remember me, then maybe we can meet again someday, somehow..." (ENG)
Sharena and Peony join hands and nestle up close to one another as if in prayer.
On the other hand, Freyja's heart is swayed by emotions she cannot comprehend. Unconsciously, she begins to speak to Triandra and Plumeria, but both of them have disappeared in carrying out her orders. Though she insists that only her brother matters to her, as though trying to convince herself of it, her expression gradually clouds over. Kiran and the others eventually reach Freyja, and after defeating nightmare soldiers that appear one after another, Freyja herself finally falls as well. She disappears, leaving them with the proclamation that she will use all of her remaining power to erase everything about the álfar from existence.
The end of the dream draws near. The sound of the horn reverberates through the dream world. As she expresses her gratitude, Peony's form grows faint.
Kiran awakens to a voice calling their name, which turns out to be Alfonse's. He tells them that they, along with everyone else, had fallen asleep for three days and nights. Sharena seems to not remember anything and smiles as though nothing had happened. However, during their mission, Sharena discovers that she is wearing a flower ring on her hand. She is perplexed by this and clutches her chest, suddenly feeling like her heart is being torn apart. Then, someone claiming to be Sharena's childhood friend comes for a visit. Upon laying eyes on the person in question, her eyes tear up.
"Good morning, everyone! I'm Peony! I'm a ljósálfr—or light elf, you might say. I'm from the land of dreams, Ljósálfheimr." (ENG)
In Dökkálfheimr, Triandra and Plumeria, who should have disappeared, open their eyes. Before them stands Freyja, who tells them that they have no need to obey her any longer. Freyja's life fades away, having lost most of her power in reviving Triandra and Plumeria instead of erasing the álfar. She herself doesn't know why she did so even though she doesn't love anyone except her brother. In spite of this, she gave up her life for the sake of others, just like her brother had laid down his life for the mortals he so loved. Triandra and Plumeria vow to find a way to revive Freyja. The children weep as they grasp Freyja's hands, to which Freyja says that she truly cannot understand. Even so, she responds that she is happy and smiles gently.
And thus concludes the story of Book IV, neatly summarized as presented in the art book. I apologize for any inaccuracies in my translations and any confusion they might cause. This was an intensive passion project born from my love for Book IV, and I hope those who took the time to read this very long post found some enjoyment out of it. I would love to hear your thoughts, so please do share them if you so wish! I very much enjoy discussion about everything Book IV. Also let me know if there is any other material you'd like for me to translate, and I might make an attempt in the future. Thank you for reading!

I lost my job recently after a profound, positive change in me and I don't know where to go from here. I'm not sure what I've written flows well so bear with me. I'll start with what the job was.
I had a really flexible, accommodating workplace. If I couldn't handle something I didn't usually have to do it. If I really needed a break I got one. I had good, supportive coworkers who tolerate my quirks and even compensated for them. It doesn't go as far as I like but it's related to my interests. I had a consistent schedule. There's only a few employees there, which I can usually handle socially. Abuse from customers wasn't tolerated.
I also didn't really find work the regular way. I was basically offered the job because I was friends with the then-manager. I was lucky I didn't get fired when I started because I had to ask things so so so many times and lost things and took ages to do anything quickly or adapt. I've seen other people start and it's not the same at all.
I don't know if I can find something like that again, and while I became good at it truth be told I was often in a haze and underperformed. It was very chaotic, by my measurement. You had to do things "when there was time" and it was constantly juggling eggs. I have a phone phobia and while it's not too bad in that context once I had a ton of practice, I still had to make myself do it. I varied a lot in how well I could do, and sometimes I was so stressed I could barely stand. By the end they usually let me stick to a task instead of juggling as much as everyone else. Perks of being the veteran.
Even if it's out there, I lucked out and was offered this job. I have tried and it's so hard even applying for jobs. Interviews are so fucking terrifying. I just can't do it, at least on my own.
Meanwhile at home I'm a fucking disaster. Work was the only thing I got right. I have ADHD and everything is a soup of misplaced objects. There's trash everywhere, kitchen counters covered in dishes, nothing is clean. A couple times a year I have to learn the lesson that if I don't take showers regularly I'll get painful sores on my head and my scalp feeling weird is what prompts a shower. Laundry is a matter of how long I can go before the embarrassment kicks in. I couldn't make appointments unless it's an emergency if I don't, even if I need it, and I still had to ask for help sometimes or put it off so long I'd have a gap in meds. When I started working at a different location and didn't go to the grocery store almost every day it became very difficult to go, even when it's for the pharmacy. I have to do something constantly to keep doing it, especially when there's social anxiety. It used to be that I couldn't go anywhere by myself at all, and now I only probably can't.
I was sometimes happy, but never really ok. Indulging in my interests helped a lot.
Here's where it gets VERY interesting. I lost that job when I couldn't go for too long. I couldn't go because I've had a bit of an "event" to put it mildly. To vastly simplify it, basically it turns out I masked SO hard I forgot I'm autistic, like FORGOT not in denial. I was diagnosed at 2 and I just found out at 31. Trauma around it, obviously. I'm recovering from that amnesia and the sheer amount of information is absurd. I've called people to verify them and yeah they're the real deal. There's like a merger of personalities kinda with my old memories. Autism explains SO much and I'm figuring out what unmasked me looks like. Apparently I'm a proper autism creature lol. I act so strangely now. I'm so much happier. I can't describe it.
My approach is so completely different now. I don't feel like I have to justify every single action. I've resolved trauma and it's like I can breathe for the first time. Normally there's so many gaps in time during the day, all staccato, but now it's more continuous. For a little while I had to stop myself from adding "man" to the end of every sentence because that's how I used to talk lol. Honestly trying to summarize it is impossible. Everything is different. I think I'm still the same person but like, also not. It's beyond profound.
I'm kinda scared of masking again, too. It's not what it is, I think, but I'm ngl Dissociative Identity Disorder is looking a bit too relatable rn. What happens when I put my mind in that state? What's going to happen to me? I'm probably over-worrying, but I don't think it's an unreasonable concern. They aren't separate things exactly, like I've been able to link everything up, but it's a different subjectivity/perspective and set of habits and I want to be really careful that it stays conscious. I'm certainly not going to try until I'm ready and I'm sure I can make it back to this. Maybe it's better to try re-learning how to mask instead? I think I want to re-visit it eventually.
Another important development is that after what just happened to me I'm VERY keen on being nobody but myself at this point... so I'm reducing or maybe getting off of quetiapine(Seroquel). I'm sure I'll still take it sometimes, but I can't think deeply in a particular way that really matters to me, and it sort of "smears things out" in a way that's hard to describe.
It comes at a cost, though. Before the quetiapine my meltdowns were absolutely debilitating. I don't know how I'll be this time because I'm healthier now, and who the fuck knows what's up with my brain, but before I was on it I basically developed a fear of any stressor. I had to constantly isolate myself. Someone suggested to me that it'll be ok and I just need different meds, but tbh I really doubt I'll find something as good as quetiapine. It's almost perfect. I feel like the part of me it blurs is the same thing that causes meltdowns to happen. There's no fixing this.
Don't worry btw; I'm tapering and seeing how it goes. I'm being decisive but not reckless. With quetiapine I'm confident in how it works for me.
I was going to move far away anyway in a few months and have enough savings to coast, so now's kind of a big opportunity to fix shit. The move is my found family reuniting and trying to take care of each other. They mean the world to me. They're all disabled in various ways too and things were already looking shakey tbh. I don't know how things will develop from here, but it's been in planning for years.
More good news is I started vyvanse and it's great. It's a little dangerous because it enhances my hyperfocus and I'm having trouble drinking enough water because of that, but I can plan around that and I'm actually getting some shit done and making a routine. I still need to ask for help a lot, but for me it's life changing. I wasn't as worried before because I'm a disaster anyway but it seems like I'm actually establishing a routine and I'm so so so so scared of losing that with the move. If I have sufficient support and a few months I think I'll be ok, but tbh the amount of help I need before staying on top of things on my own might be more substantial than I have access to and I might always need someone to check on me. I'm kinda realizing the extent of my disabilities and I can't believe I've gone this long.
Overall I'm doing really good and I think I might be coasting on hypomania rn which isn't a bad thing, but the routine isn't established yet and it's not easy to start. The new whiteboard and talking to myself helps. When I look at everything though, it's honestly just a completely unprecedented scenario. My new psychology is so much healthier, but it's new to me and I don't know how stable it is; I know I'll be changing a lot for a long time. I've still got this constant trickle of memories. Hypomania always ends eventually and I hope I don't crash into depression. I stim a LOT more than I used to and sometimes even that's not enough and I become overwhelmed. I'm in almost the best possible scenario trigger-wise. I feel like I'm on top of the world, but I'm not naive. If I don't make a routine and fix shit now it could go very badly. If I add in a couple stressors it could go very badly.
I should probably mention a relevant development. I made another post about it if you want the full story, but basically I decided to protect my hearing on a (evidenced) whim. Then all my defenses dropped and now I'm hypersensitive and need to wear earplugs, probably permanently. I feel better but yeah it's making some things difficult. With the level of dissociation I was on it's hard to tell how much sound was affecting me before, but it's certainly affecting me now. There's some changes in my sight too. Either I've become aware of something profoundly affecting me or I've just made myself more disabled. It's hard to say. It is beautiful, though, if overwhelming. I'm calmer. I think I'm glad it happened. Sight's a bit different, too. Not too bad so far.
Given the sensory changes and the dissociation changes and the amnesia I should probably talk to a neurologist or something too, huh? I think this is all psychological in origin but it seems like a good idea anyway. Also my tic changed from a brief shudder to a small grunt/shout so that's "cool." Adult-onset tic disorders are super rare but that's what the neurologist said it was when it started a few years ago. I'm not sure it's a normal tic tbh but I won't get into it unless someone's curious.
There's this government assistance case manager thing I'm trying to get set up on. I have a therapist now I see twice a week. Hopefully they can help me. I don't have insurance but the COBRA thing is in the mail, I'm told. I have a couple of friends that can help me now and then.
Oh I should mention that while I am diagnosed, I don't have the documentation. I tried looking into psychological testing but appointments go out beyond my move date, at least where I checked. At the start of this I became very interested in autism and there's really no question, but yeah it's not documented.
To review: Earth-shattering batshit amnesia autism thing happens; I've lost my job but am safe for a while; I'm happier and healthier than I've ever been but also more vulnerable and there's a LOT of unknowns; I've got a time limit of a few months before moving and I can't really handle moving. Any thoughts or insights or advice or questions or even a "wow that's whack" are welcome.

My fellow gamers, for too long has our community suffered the indignation of an intolerable culture that has denigrated, besmirched, exploited, and has outright demonized our culture of unique individuals with a genuine love of a hobby that they see as profitable and progressive. They have taken beloved IP’s (Intellectual Properties) and twisted them into their own personal ideological crusade of undermining and humiliating the core aspects of characters they deemed as “Toxic” or “White Supremacy”. Through the guise and protection of DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusivity) & ESG (Environmental, Social, and Governance) they have used our influence in the entertainment industry to push their narratives and agendas that have stigmatized our culture with numerous anti-consumer practices that they call “being progressive”. But the truth of the matter is they were never really looking to be a part of our community, they simply wanted to use our community as a tool of activism and propaganda in the entertainment industry as it was extremely profitable, and they wanted inclusion in that division. Ever since GamerGate & Female Frequency, we have had to endure the incursion of forced ideologies, xenophobic behaviors and inferior overpriced products that have never been in our best interest and have been flat out disgraceful towards foreign media.
Before Gaming had become a major source of entertainment, we were often categorized as anti-social or societies rejects where because we found more enjoyment in playing fictional characters and not spending as much time out and about, we never fully assimilated in society (which is a good thing if you ask me). From 1998 to 2007, at the height of innovation, creativity and production, Gaming had reached a golden age in which it had revolutionized society. Hollywood Execs who had ruined the movie industry turned their attention to video games as a source of income since video games had outperformed movies in terms of profit. No one was concerned about gaming, much less diversity or inclusivity until it became profitable. This makes people like SBI look extremely disingenuous as they were not interested in gamers as a community with its own culture. They simply wanted to use it as another weapon in identity politics.
Microtransactions; the hidden enemy to gamer progress and inducer to mental laziness of our community. Microtransactions have been around for a long time; however, it has never been more potent and apparent than in recent years. It has aided in the dismantling and segregation of players on the ideology of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and has created another sub-culture of gamers who have no real drive to be better outside of how much money they put into the game. This has degraded our culture as well as we have become “fat” off transactional gaming but at the same time we have been “starved” of purposeful gaming where our achievements were our sustenance. I am not saying that microtransactions are bad, but when they are exploitative and predatorial like they have been and don’t give gamers room to grow, we become lethargic and unwilling to improve ourselves as gamers. Oversaturated microtransactional games are one of the many reasons why we have become complacent and unwilling to fight against the exploitative tactics used by big brand game companies such EA, Ubisoft, ActivisionBlizzard, NaughtyDog and so many other western business model companies. Western style games were not like this in the past, they had much more depth and actual effort put into them with the gamer in mind. This has not been the case for over a decade and our connection to western developers has been whittled down to just being transactional. That is one of the reasons why you see so many remasters and remakes in today’s gamer community. They have lost their willingness to improve as developers of games and simply accept corporate/share holder rules.
Game journalists also do not have any real integrity or purpose outside of being funded for their involvement in promoting IPG (Identity Political Games) in a positive light to the public whether it’s positively received or not. They are not interested in what we have to say, they all support the same agenda and that is why they are a dying breed. Within the next couple of years, they will be out of the job and more than likely they will not be able to stay in the industry giving how they have responded to past articles that have clearly been scripted on the premise of diversity and racism. Not only that, but most of them are also extremely hostile to the community as they stereotype and defame the individuals that are a part of the community they are supposed to serve. We have been mentally liberated from their lies and coercive tactics as we tend to laugh at their obvious attempt at virtue signaling while hiding their misdoings so that they can play the victim.
My gamer brothers & sisters, I would not suggest the following action that we must take now without good cause. I have weighed our options and the best option for us now is this…...CULTURAL SECESSION. Naturally this is a form of segregation where they would more than likely claim they are being segregated by the dominant culture of the gaming community but that is incorrect. For years now we have been the ones who are often marginalized and ostracized for the smaller portion of our community. And when we aren’t, we’re exploited for more funds so that these companies can stay in business only to subject us to low quality products that coincide with the “WOKE Agenda” that are often huge expenses to these big brands i.e. AAA/AAAA games that will eventually flop for its obvious forced diversity and bug infested product which will undoubtedly piss off the consumer to the point of wanting a refund. Losing copious amounts of capital and stock in the process, not to mention their reputation is permanently marred.
We must separate on every cultural level in terms of entertainment and ideology. We must reject everything from the west that promotes toxic western beliefs, practices, and exclusion from other cultures (i.e. Southeastern Countries such as Japan and Korea). Japan & Korea have been the targets of unjust discrimination from Western Developers, Western Journalists, Western Localizers (The Wokelizers) and Western Society Prejudice regarding their sense of aesthetics as Westerners hate the aesthetic sense of these countries. The reason why they resort to such base tactics isn’t just because it weaponizes the ideal female form but it’s also because they have deep-seated insecurities about their own looks so when they see attractive female characters, they use terms such as “unrealistic” or “hypersexualized” to establish the moral high ground. But the truth is, they want to feel superior to that which is ideal, so they insult and dehumanize this figure that portrays natural female beauty because they see it as an insult to their own social superiority in what they believe is a hierarchy of them being at the top of all other women. Because of this and so many contributing factors, their movies flop harder than the Fat Chocobo landing on a group of enemies and their games seismically fail just as much if not more. We must sever our connection to Western Developers, Publishers, and ALL Western-Centric Entertainment for they seek to mentally enslave us to their Xenophobic ideology.
Let’s define Western Culture and its traits. Western Culture/Society is composed of more than several different ideologies that work in unison with one another to facilitate dominance over multiple aspects of society. Business, Social, Political, Technological, and sometimes even Global Affairs are affected by these ideologies that portray a specific mindset of Western beliefs. What are those ideologies you ask?

• Perpetual Victimhood: By weaponizing the fact that they are marginalized and of a small portion of western society, they can push their agenda to absurd standards that ultimately ostracize the main demographic. And when companies don’t capitulate, they are labeled as anti-progressive/misogynist’s or cohorts of White Supremacy. They use this to cancel their targets and silence them through societal defamation to keep the public on their side. They also use this mindset to justify their own lack of self-agency as they tend to throw companies who do adhere to their demands but miserably fail to turn a profit under the bus so that they can maintain face in front of the public while denying their actual involvement. They will never accept “Sense of Agency” when it’s negative but will gladly accept it when a positive outcome shines on them as if they are entitled to it.

Official Wiki GamerGate Page)
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• Societal Terrorism: This is another form of ideology weaponization that they use in order to make companies “toe-the-line” with their agenda. By weaponizing cancel culture, they exert dominance over these companies but in exchange they also reimburse those companies with DEI & ESG funds that raise their credit score as well as having social status with the marginalized demographic. However; cancel culture has not succeeded in years and developers and publishers probably only want the money and the DEI ESG rating. But they have to maintain the image of having social economic power so that they can continue to strong-arm other developers into compliance and promoting financial benefits of DEI & ESG. In other words, if you are not for sale, they discredit and stigmatize you in the industry.

Asmongold Clips.
https://youtu.be/Iq86DnmX2xY
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• “Its not us, its you who’s wrong” Mentality: This mentality is especially annoying as they tend to use it to hide their incompetence. They often look down upon gamers who are not in the industry to hide their obvious lack of knowledge on game development thinking that their job title grants them special status that they believe gives them the right to be condescending. But the truth they never wanted revealed has already strangled their careers of all credibility. They were never GAMERS, they were INVADERS. Community Colonists that seek to indoctrinate next generational gamers into their hive-mind and brand previous generations of gamers as villains.

@GeeksandGamers
https://youtu.be/1HbrTkqQFuM
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• Double-standard Enforcement: By labeling something as “unrealistic” or “hypersexualized”, they can claim this is morally wrong if it promotes traditional dynamics between men and women. Heterosexual relationships are condemned while at the same time Same-sex relationships are praised. Additionally, heterosexual relationships with main white male characters turn antagonistic and spotlight stealing. This is deliberate as to promote the “Girl Boss” ideology to indoctrinate women into the Feminazi state of mind. While at the same time, should a male character also adopt the “I don’t need male/female” ideology its seen as Toxic Masculinity which isn’t even a real thing. The idea of a strong male character is taboo while enforcing strong female characters is the ideal.

@MugenLord
https://youtu.be/to5Uciy_yeg
@EndymionTv
https://youtu.be/7TPTR8-qmbk
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• Dehumanization/Demonization: This is something that most military branches use in order to remove conscious inhibitions such as mass slaughter is wrong or categorization. By enforcing ideologies to denounce humanity in certain targets, it deactivates your conscience by saying this is not human therefore its ethically okay to treat this target without compassion and deny the fact it has sentience. We gamers fall under this category for journalists, developers, companies and society at large. This is a tactic we are familiar with to an extent as it implies that we are not normal when we do not do what everybody else is doing. “Geeks are the worse” or “Nerds need to fall into a pit of lava” are verbal dehumanization forms that most people in society say and we as Gamers tend to be relegated to those categories. This is their way of imposing the social hierarchy on us by establishing superiority. We know this as Gamers as we see it very often in the games that we play and some times experience it in real life.

https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Gamergate#The_end_of_their_relevance
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• Deflection/Projection: This is basic psychology 101. By redirecting the conversation away from their mistakes and back on to the opposing view to avert blame and justify their innocence they can avoid criticism. However; deflection is a CONSCIOUS decision, meaning they have no real argument to justify their incompetence. If you can consciously process the situation, you have self-agency which means you don’t have a legitimate excuse. Projection is something else entirely. Most times, Projection doesn’t work on conscious decisions rather it is automatically deployed when feeling threatened, anxious or both. Instead of accepting accountability for feelings or actions that are deemed socially unacceptable they accuse others of committing that unacceptable behavior thereby exonerating themselves and proving that those feelings and/or actions are not their own.

@TheTrentReport
https://youtu.be/bPIPSKruYRo
These traits are so nefarious and unconscionable that I have a hard time believing that anyone could harbor them. However, given the social, political, and economic climate that we are in, those in power who use their influence on controlling society most definitely possess these insidious traits. Everything that they do is all about control and since video games are the biggest market in the world, they want control over it and the communities built around it to accrue more wealth and to use that wealth to subjugate other cultures. Mainstream media is a tool as well as mainstream organizations and sites to help accomplish this goal.
The government recently announced its intentions towards what they believe is “GamerGate 2.0” and now even the ADL has made an official appearance, referring to gamers as “extremist’s”. We know EXACTLY what they are doing, and they aren’t even trying to hide it anymore because they don’t think we are aware of their motives. This is just a pretext for them to exert even more control and we know why, it’s because they want the influence we as a community have to must serve them. So here is what we do my fellow gamers-
“In light of recent events and years of mainstream stigma, we the members of the Global Gaming Community [GGC] must officially renounce ALL TIES to the corporate western video game market. We have been financially exploited through predatorial monetization schemes, pelted with numerous articles of disdain and intentional misrepresentation from game journalists, news outlets regarding us as dangerous individuals and, even subjected to inferior products not only riddled with bugs but also products meant to push political agendas. For the preservation of our community and its unique culture, apart from a few select game development studios we officially sever all connections to western owned video game companies & their mainstream affiliates. From this point onward, we will no longer support western corporate developers, journalists and publishers that do not coincide with the goals of our community.”
Naturally this is completely optional. If you are okay with the state of the gaming community as it is, feel free to ignore this. But if you wish for real change and a break away from oversaturated monetization in the games you play and the push for radical ideological reform, then you are in the right place. Lets sever these rotted miasmic ties once and for all so that our community can be preserved and made better for future gamers. If you agree with this, share it with whoever you think might be interested. The more gamers who get involved, the easier it will be for us to finally break free from mainstream game companies and their associates.

Great set of patch notes. Good needed changes. The one issue I have involves the MV changes. Disclaimer: I am slightly biased due to being a Triglavian aligned player, but am attempting to go into this without said bias.
I understand that the Triglavian systems can be detrimental to new and returning players who haven't engaged with the Invasions or Trig/EC conflict. However, this is easily solved by making Triglavians neutral at 0.0. Which you are doing. Great.
Taking away the Werposts and Responses from the gates however is a bad call. It allows the Pro-EC members to pass through unimpeded. The Edencom Victory systems will still have their Gunstars, will still have these response fleets on the gates, making it very difficult to get through as a Pro-Triglavian player. While dealing with the Gunstars and Response Fleets is something I've accepted as a Triglavian aligned player, Edencom players not having the same issues in Triglavian systems isn't exactly fair.
My proposal is either: A) To leave the system as it is, only changing the Trig aggression at 0.0 to not screw over new players and the unaffiliated.
Or B) Make the same changes to Edencom systems with removing Gunstars and Response Fleets from the gates.
Thoughts and comments?

I can't believe it. I've been in really bad condition lately and have been able to stand up only 10 minutes per day. Few days ago I started taking 20 mg cetirizin daily and now I'm standing up for 8 hours per day easily, no PEM.
Is it even possible that it has given my life back? I'm really sceptical, but I have to keep testing it for few months. Tomorrow I won't take it and I will keep you posted how it goes.

Throwaway account. I’m 25F and lately I’ve been through a strange part in my life. I struggle to understand myself and understand who I am and why I’ve been like this.
To preface, I’ve always been a confident kid, I was the president of the class and always spoke my mind. I’ve had a nice childhood and supportive environment until something started happening when I was 11/12 years old. In that year my grandfather got sick, my aunt (who was very close to our family) got her cancer recurrence and my father started cheating on my mother. My mom was so busy with taking care of her father and was preoccupied with helping her sister (my aunt) with her going through disease. At this low point in her life my father started hanging out and doing probably much more with a woman he met. Needless to say, there was a lot of yelling. Constantly. My mother would call him out, he would deny and start YELLING and SCREAMING, also waking me up from my sleep a couple of times. They weren’t hiding they were having issues either and I heard everything, my mother would also either turn to me for a support (50 % of the time) or pretended nothing was wrong but was still sad and irritable (50 % of the time). Soon, my grandfather died and my aunt died as well a year later. My grandmother fell into depression and got sick with dementia. My parents were still yelling at each other, father cursing my mother, leaving our house for a long time after a fight and me and her needed to go and look for him a couple of times. Then, when I was 14 I started to deliberately losing weight and wanted to be underweight. It got so bad, my BMI was 16,5 and I wanted to be thinner and thinner until something clicked in my brain about a year later and decided I am going to eat normally again. My mother is now taking care of my grandmother who was so demented she didn’t recognise any of us and was screaming every night all night. I was in high school then, but strangely enough, my high school years were some of the best years in my life looking back. I was the best in class, started getting straight A’s (I was such a perfectionist that in my third year of high school I never got a single B or lower grade). And I was feeling confident, content, I thought I am a self-actualised person. But one thing happened and that was anxiety. I started having anxiety in the hardest years (when everything went to shit), but was only getting worse and worse. I was specifically scared for my mother and her health and well-being. Then I got to a good college and moved away from home until COVID hit and I moved back. That year I found out my mom has breast cancer which crushed me to the point I was able to just sit in the kitchen all night, looking into the void. I was unable to study and I repeated a year in college (I’m from Europe, so that isn’t as big of a deal as in the US). I eventually got back on my feet, but the fear of mother’s cancer recurrence persists to this day. Every time she says she doesn’t feel good or that she’s in pain I’m scared her cancer is back. I got back to college and started losing weight again, but this time I controlled myself and didn’t go into extremes. Last year my sister’s (who had diagnosed depression) medication stopped working and she had such a bad episode that she was just lying in her bed, crying. She told me she has dark, impulsive thoughts and sometimes thinks about hurting us of herself, but she would never actually do it. When her psychiatrist guessed the right combination, she got better, but the episode lasted about 2 months. (Sorry if this "pre-face" was too long, I hope it's according to the rules).
Which brings me to the point. I’m terrified of everything but I have become so desensitised that “sad news” for me are the news that would be absolutely tragic and word-shattering for most people. I am happy and feel okay not when something good happens but when nothing bad happens. And I don’t crave romantic relationship or don’t have a desire to have kids in the future. I’m starting to work on my PhD right now because I want to become my best self and want to be this person everyone’s in awe of. I still think I’m meant for something bigger and mundane life is absolutely killing me. Recently, I met a nice man, who is obsessed with me, but I feel nothing. When we had our first kiss, when we slept together, when we are talking - I feel absolutely nothing. And he’s okay, but being with him and having to text him back and the thought of his constant presence terrify me to say the least. He wants to be exclusive, but I don’t wanna be with him and I haven’t felt romantic attraction towards anyone in YEARS. Recently, I was talking to my friend and she was telling me about her feelings and how she fell in love with and amazing man and I only felt jealousy, because I want to feel too. But I can’t. And I know it sounds cliché and trust me, I really don’t want to be like this, but I just can’t. I am thinking about the ways to politely reject this man, but don’t know how, because I’m also a people pleaser. But just the thought of constantly having him around gives me so much anxiety. So so much. I am in therapy and tried to work through some of my issues, but there’s still so much to unpack. My friends don’t know about my parents’ problems or my sister’s depression and they think I’m just approaching life from the wrong angle and that neuroticism and anxiety are my character traits.
Can someone please try to explain to me what’s happening, because the romantic situation with this man only potentiated everything bad I’ve been feeling lately and it got so bad today I was barely holding my tears in.

Unpopular opinion but her music is so trash that when i see people unironically enjoying it , it kind of grosses me out. I feel like alot of people genuinely enjoy it and it concerns me how or why they find it good. Like why did we let her become famous when theirs alot of actually good artist out here. Its frustrating seeing her everywhere and hearing her music anywhere i go i cant escape it. And dont make this a race thing because i am in fact a black woman and it bothers me to see other black women praising her when all her music literally makes us look bad , no not all black women are like that but they only make the (excuse my french) raggedy ratchet ones famous , her and sukihana repulse me to my core, all the beautiful black babies growing up are looking up to these monstrosities and dont start with the “kids arent supposed to listen to that” the music is all over the radio all over social media and she literally targets kids remember when she was mad she couldnt preform in a school i mean what buisness do you have preforming them raunchy ass songs in a school with children just disgusting but i dont know thats just me thats my opinion you dont have to agree but id love to hear other peoples take on this

I'm in my final year of doing an MBBS from abroad (Georgia). I'm making this post since I keep getting messages regarding doing MBBS abroad, so hopefully I can redirect everyone here and also inform the public. Here's my take:
The goods:

1. To start off, my overall experience has been positive. You have a lot, and I mean, a lot of time. You don't have a lot of classes every day. Since it is a 6-year-long course, the classes are spread out. So during this, you can easily give time for USMLE, PLAB, FMGE, or NEET, whatever it might be.
2. Most of the professors are chill; there's no pressure, bullying, or racism. Most of them are not going to fail, even if you put in the bare minimum effort. Though needless to say, putting in a ''bare minimum effort'' should not be your goal; you're going to be a doctor, for god's sake.
3. You get time for personal growth. Being in a foreign country, living alone, and interacting with foreigners, you learn a lot.
4. Georgia is BEAUTIFUL.

The bads:

1. The clinical exposure (interaction with the patients) is definitely lacking. This is due to the language barrier. But if you're keen on learning the new language, you can most certainly visit and talk to the patients. If you keep good relations with your professor and show interest, you can do night shifts and even assist in surgeries if you're really enthusiastic.
2. It takes ALOT of time. 6 years is your course. Then you have to pass your FMG and do your 1-year internship in India. This, in total, is an additional 2 years (approximately).
3. You can get fucked if your friend circle is fucked. A lot of the students here take advantage of the leniency and do not put any effort in. Make sure to surround yourself with people who actually care about their future.

I know a lot of students who are looking into doing MBBS abroad, especially after the latest NEET-UG result. I wanted to post this as unbiased and simple as I could. I hope this helps. Of course, you can message me if you have any questions.
Believe in yourself.

I was very much in doubt about posting this because I'm conflicted about it myself. I don't even know if "jealousy" is the right term to use, because I can't exactly express what I'm feeling.
A little background info: when I was 18 y/o I met my first boyfriend. We had a very unhealthy relationship for 4,5 years and broke up twice in that period. He cheated when we were only a few months together and kept it a secret for 6 months, until during one of our many fights he confessed via a text message. It was the start of a very abusive and toxic relationship, but even though we tried to make the relationship work. In that 4,5 year time period his parents divorced, my mother passed away and I became very depressed. We've been through hell and back together. Probably also the reason why we didn't want the relationship to break.
Forward to 2022: we've been broken up for a year and I found love in my current relationship. I saw my ex for the first time again during a night out, he was so drunk and got thrown out by security. I was with my boyfriend that night and my ex called me crying to say I'm still the love of his life and that he thinks of me everyday. I knew it was just his drunk self and that I shouldn't take it seriously. It was our last contact ever.
Now, 2024, my ex has found a new relationship. It made me feel relieved, I want him to experience the love and happiness we both couldn't give each other. But... and that's the strangest part. It keeps me occupied. On random moments I think of him and them. I caught myself checking his socials if they've posted anything together and I'm nosy. "Is she prettier than me?" "Does she make him more happy?" Like ofcourse she does, our relationship was awful. Why does it bother me? I feel ashamed and bad to say this, especially because my current partner is the sweetest and most amazing man I've ever met. He doesn't deserve a girlfriend still somewhat occupied by her ex from 3 years ago.
Is it odd to feel this way?

This one happened last night. A little backstory for context, my fiancée is from the south and has a stereotypical “good ol boy” step father who is of the “heritage not hatred” ilk and proudly shows off his confederate flag tattoos and talks of the days when black people “respected” (See: feared) white people.
My fiancées birthday is coming up a few months from now and we’re planning a trip to her home state to celebrate it. Organizing with her mom and her step dad have been…a nightmare. My fiancée was talking to her mom last night on the phone and her stepdad overheard her say something about pride month and started spouting off about “woke bullshit being shoved down his throat” 🙄
My fiancée has never gotten along with him and loves to poke the bear when she can. She asked him “What exactly is the ‘woke bullshit’ you’re taking about?” and “what exactly is woke?” Cue a 2 minute rambling diatribe filled with derogatory terms for gay people (my fiancée is bisexual and he knows this) that made not a lick of sense. I could see the gears turning in her head as he was spewing nonsensical drivel and when he finally stops I see her pull something up on her phone and say "You seem to be struggling to define woke so let me read this and see if you agree" and proceeds to say:
“The thought that no one person is better than another combined with the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person or idea even if it does not directly affect you” and he emphatically says “YES! It’s all fake virtue signals!”
My sweet, sweet fiancée then starts laughing and he asked what is so funny and between giggles she manages to say “I just read you the definition of empathy. The thing you’re so against and want so badly to not exist is empathy - not ‘wokeness’ like you claim”.
Slam fucking dunk, I couldn’t contain myself sitting next to her listening to this play out and let out a loud “HAAAAAAAAH” and the phone call abruptly ended 😂
The absolute lack of self awareness on his part is just…astounding.

I am reposting my original post from self, since I've been hanging out here since the past 6 months.
I apologize in advance for my poor English. It's also pretty long, so sorry for that too. So, for context, I'm a 17-year-old male; I only moved to Canada 2 years ago. I've been struggling socially and have zero friends. I've joined 25 clubs in total these past two years, but I've managed to make progress at none of them and had to quit due to having too much anxiety. Everything sucked until I re-met a youth worker after we met at a summer camp where I volunteered and she worked in 2023(I kinda had a crush on her back then, but just let it go, I never knew we would meet again).
For added context, she was around 20 years old (I don't want to reveal the exact age), and we were pretty good friends. I'm a huge Ed Sheeran fan and had tickets to both shows. She agreed to come and watch the show with me, which was amazing. Slowly, by the end of August, I started to grow more fond of her, and I guess I fell for her. We also became good friends. We both went to the show, sat next to each other for 4 hours and enjoyed the show a lot. This was probably the best night of my life so far; it finally felt as if I had people looking out for me and that I had a friend. She was and is still the only friend I've made since I arrived in Canada, so she really does mean a lot to me(she even plays soccer, we literally had matching hobbies). After the concert, she seemed to talk with me a lot more; we would text each other daily and talk about all sorts of stuff, like movies, songs, or anything else. I even bought $200 tickets to her favourite band's concert (the 1975). She was shocked and happy about it. 2 months passed, we were still in touch, talked to each other quite literally every day, and then around mid-October, we decided to meet up for a quick hello at a university. I always give her chocolates, like many chocolates, when we see each other. Still, I got so excited this time that I bought $100 worth of chocolate and wrote a small letter (regret it) thanking her for being the wonderful friend she is. So we meet up, say a quick hello, and I leave. She leaves to go to the club she attends once a week with all her friends. Right as I was about to step on the bus, I got a text from her asking me If I wanted to come back and sit alongside her at the club; I was obviously very delighted seeing the message; you seriously couldn't understand the adrenaline rush I had. So I went back, we hung out for around 2 hours, and she gave me a hug, a freaking hug, oh my god, right before I left. This was the second-best day ever (after the concert night). I sent her a message thanking her for letting me hang out with her, and then we had a funny conversation about how I slipped a book into the bag of chocolates that she loved. Then, at midnight, she sent me this very funny reel from the band she loves, and we had a conversation about it.
The very next day, at night, she sent me a very long message telling me how she read my note, liked my gifts, felt sorry, said that "I'll get friends my own age soon", and that she had to step back a bit since she feels that "it's weird that I'm in high school and we're talking daily". I responded back, saying how I'm happy that she liked the gifts, that I have no problem with her taking a step back and that she's amazing, and how I'll stop messaging her since she feels uncomfortable (I was weeping and crying in the bathroom writing this). She said that she'll message me once in a while so that I don't feel that "I'm lonely or don't have anyone". I obviously felt a bit better reading that but felt very sad and kept crying the entire night, So we got no contact and she sent me a message the next week. I was hoping this would be a regular normal conversation, but instead, it turned out to be a very long and formal message on Instagram about how she'll be unfollowing me that going to the "concert was inappropriate" and how she "should never have allowed communication" and also wished me good luck for my school. I replied back and sent her a reply saying I'm ok with it, how I'm sorry for any trouble I've caused, and said goodbye. I went to the library, where I felt most comfortable, to cry. She then sent me another text (through SMS, no more insta) requesting me to not tell anyone about how we sat together at the university, I very obviously said ok and asked if I did something inappropriate or concerning that's leading her to cut contact with me. She replied back saying that she "should never have let me think that we could ever be friends", that she's staff and is not allowed to be in touch me with, that "we cannot talk", and can talk "only in the program at the camps". I sent a reply apologizing and saying goodbye. I understand why she did what she did, if we swap places, I would probably have done the same, but it still breaks me :(
This was it, we haven't talked since. It's been 8 months... I've gotten a lot worse physically and mentally since then. My eating habits got worse. I've been so hyper-fixated with my weight, that I have this dream of being absolutely skinny and not being the fat ogre I am and keep switching from fasting for multiple days to just binge eating and dumping food onto myself. I lost 30 pounds in the first 2 months after separating, but have since gained back 20 pounds again. My grades have gone down by a lot, I went from the high 90s to barely scraping 80s now, and I even failed an exam for the first time in my life. I can't sleep at night, have lots of insomnia, and have all sorts of heavy and distressing thoughts in my head (some suicidal thoughts a times, but I've never thought about actually doing it). I don't sleep during the nights now and have only 2-3 hours of sleep every 2 days. I've been feeling a lot worse both physically and mentally since my 'break-up' (idk if that's the appropriate term to use but I'll use it for the sake of it).
I've used a school counsellor having meetings with me every week to help me (she's really great and has helped since when I moved to Canada), a therapist at the youth clinic having sessions with me, and 2 amazing youth leaders at my local community centre helping me out, but they all stopped checking in with me in December last year. I had my professional counsellor talking to me every month and having sessions, but she got kind of sick and felt like the sessions were of no use, since she felt I was always talking about the girl, my food, and about having no friends. I've completely stopped going to counselling. I'm only in touch with one of the youth workers, and he's wonderful and kind. They all say the same stuff, to get over it, eat, sleep, but It's just so fucking hard, how can I? I feel sad all the time, my parents are conservative ( they want me to be a data scientist, but I want to be an English teacher), and have no idea about all the shit that's happening. I just want my friend back, but I know It's never happening, I wish I had never written that letter. I turned seventeen two months ago, and guess what? No one remembered my birthday, everyone forgot. I painted a beautiful portrait on a canvas, hoping I could give it to her as a birthday present. I learned to paint only so I could make this gift, but I think it's of no use now.
Luckily, A week after breaking up, I made a huge decision to graduate high school early, only hoping this would help me get her back. I've moved up a grade and am now a high school senior! This also means having to ahead, and the stress is also killed. I had calculus 12, chemistry 12. and Spanish 12 while also working on my university application and essay. I did terrible on all those... My favourite university rejected me, and I'm now going to this mediocre college. I had such a good thing going on, and then I messed up so bad...
I don't know how to feel about all this, I'm a teenager, so this all probably sounds like over-reacting to you guys, but I genuinely am just unhappy and bored. Nothing fun anymore, I just do my school work, browse Reddit, watch the same rom-coms a million times, read comics, and then sleep. The same cycle repeated through every day. I don't have a single friend to talk to. I'm very anxious about my future too. I guess that's it. I'm also scared about going to university, I hope to meet new people and make friends, that's probably the only reason I'm graduating early. It seems unlikely and hopeless...
I'm graduating high school in one month. I'm scared, really scared. I've made so many connections with the teachers here, I love them all, but now I'm going to have to leave. My English teacher is my role model. He had a similar story to me where he immigrated from his home country in grade 10, and now he has lots of friends, speaks amazing English, and is also married and has kids. I'll be volunteering in his classroom even after I leave. In 3 months, I'll be in college, and I don't know what I'm going to study here, or how I'll make any friends, it's starting to feel hopeless.
I wish she was still in touch with her, and want to tell her that I'm going to graduate early and that we can hopefully be friends again, but I don't think she'll want to.
A hug from superman will same me tho

In the other post I only focused on a part of the relationship, leaving all the other good and bad things he did.
Let's start with the good things. First of all, he was always quite romantic. He came to my home country twice in less than a year (the flight is expensive af) and I had a really good time with him.
We started fighting a lot after we met in my country and he says that it is because we missed each other a lot.
But anyway, I got insulted quite a lot and he recently seems to have changed. The fights were usually due to some very stupid thing. I made some big mistakes before meeting each other in my country, but that seems to have been solved.
I told him that being insulted was ofc a deal breaker but he managed to change that aspect and he is now being very patient but the thing is that he still thinks that I am not committed. When I was 18 he suggested to transfer from my current uni to a uni in his country due to two main reasons (1. he doesn't enjoy ldr 2. he says he wants to drag me out of my family situation - which is complicated but manageable) and I said no because I was too young to take such a big decision for myself.
That for him was like hitting a wall. He never forgave me completely I think, and he keeps on saying that I am not able to give any reassurances about whether I am going to stay in the relation or not because of that.
To be very honest with you, I do not really enjoy calling him as much as I did anymore, he says I am losing feelings and I guess that it is true. But he changed a lot in the past week. He is a lot more patient and gentle with things, he understands most of the things and he is not raising his voice anymore. He apologized for most of the things he did and he's not making the same mistakes (at least not yet). So I partially want to have feelings for him because he is trying so hard to be a better boyfriend.
However my feelings changed a lot after we constantly fought. I became less attached to the overall relationship and I suggested break up twice due to that (and the first time he actually came to my home country to solve things). He says that the fight were due to the both of us being nervous but honestly he sounded extremely unstable during that period. He literally initiated more fights than he said "hello".
Today he said that I sound sad when I talk to him and he asked me if I was happy with him. I struggle to name my emotions and I do not really recognize them. I said that he made me both happy and sad and he said that it's more sad rather than happy.
Tbh I have no clue about what to do with this relationship.