I was looking for a more premium controller that I could use on my PC and switch so I watched a lot of reviews and did a bunch of research but was curious about 3 controllers that are pretty popular around here. I decided to test them all out for a week to see how I liked them and keep the one I liked the most.
KingKong 3 Max - I disliked the trigger stop feel (super clunky and hard to tell if you actually pressed it) but I really liked the controller case that it came with. Back buttons felt inconsistent, some were harder to actuate than others. Pretty annoying that the case couldn't be used when the back buttons are installed. Middle-ish dpad. Aesthetically my favorite controller here, the grey looks awesome. Felt best in the hand, super premium feeling controller. The controller texturing (ribbing?) was very nice.
8bitdo Ultimate - loved the dock it came with but felt the cheapest, especially the triggers and shoulder buttons. It also doesn't have a smoothing ring around the joysticks so it felt like some grinding was happening when moving the joysticks around the outter edges. Worst dpad. Not being able to swap between analog triggers and trigger stop was a bit of a bummer but understandable at the price point.
Vader 3 Pro - took me a bit to get used to the mechanical face buttons but I like it now. Best trigger stops. Looks the worst but feels 2nd best in the hand (after KK3). This dpad felt the best. Aesthetically, I liked this one the least by far. Looks cheapish at first glance but not as bad as the pictures online depict it.
tl;dr: for now, the Vader 3 Pro is my pick. My ideal controller would be a King Kong revision with better trigger stops, consistent back button switches, a case that allows for the back buttons to stay on, and pins for a docking solution. Gullikit has said a few times that the dock wasn't in the cards for them due to costs which is unfortunate.
None of these felt like a huge upgrade over the Switch Pro Controller, but I really dislike using bluetooth controllers on PC. Thought maybe this could be helpful for some people deciding between these controllers. Feel free to let me know any questions.

IDEA :

Every 6 months, MEGA fans would be able to vote for one set to have a complete reprint. These sets would be sold along MEGA's online partners and MATTEL creations.
Every 12 months, MEGA fans would be able to vote for two HH wave, BB, or Figureset ( think Apex 7, Faithful vs. Fallen, or the anniversary packs ) to be reprinted.
In total, 4 items will be reprinted each year.

REASONABLE REQUIREMENTS :

Each item would have to meet the following requirements :
- All molds must still be usable ( sorry to any set that uses the old sentinel beam ).
- No exclusivity that would violate agreements made with other retailers.
- Separate votes, separate items.
- Sets cannot be already available for MSRP on major online storefronts (EE, Amazon, MATTEL Creations).
- To give MEGA time, each reprint would ship about a year and a half after the vote. Maybe old molds are hard to find or logistics need to be cranked out.
- Sets voted in will be eliminated from future votes for 3 years, before being put back to the cycle.

WHY? :

- As a vote, only desirable sets will be reissued. This will guarantee sales from MEGA's fans and also return money spent on the secondary market back to MEGA.
- Reduces the "investor" market to ash. Even if sets don't actually get reprinted, the idea that they can, will kill the confidence of scalpers and also decrease prices on the secondary market.
- Minimal R&D on MEGA's part. These sets and molds are already made and have already sold out in the past. MEGA has all the information they need to know if a set will perform well or not.
- Revive brand trust. This idea, if implemented, would be very consumer friendly and engage a fanbase who's been deprived of sets for so long. Not to mention that a fanvote will revive community discussion ( free advertising ) like never before.
- Accessibility. Many customers are frustrated that they can't get the sets they want ( Falcon Sweep ) and many are quitting the hobby. The products are not bad -- they're great --, but collecting is made hard because of distribution. A direct-to-consumer model will literally solve MEGA's problems.
View Poll

Thinking about using Sugar Defender to manage your blood sugar levels? Navigating the sea of online reviews can be daunting. Are the glowing reviews trustworthy, or do concerns about a "Sugar Defender scam" hold weight? This in-depth review aims to uncover the truth about Sugar Defender.
We'll explore user experiences and the science behind the ingredients. Whether you've read rave reviews or encountered warnings of a "Sugar Defender scam," this analysis will provide the insights needed to make an informed choice. We'll delve into independent reviews, consumer reports, and potential complaints to offer a balanced view. Is Sugar Defender a genuine solution for blood sugar management, or just another overhyped supplement? Join us as we uncover the truth.

Visit Official Website To Order Sugar Defender Click Here

Sugar Defender's Promised Benefits
Natural Ingredients: A blend of plant-based ingredients designed for gentle blood sugar support. Liquid Drops: Convenient and easy-to-use liquid drops for daily dosing. Blood Sugar Management: Aims to regulate blood sugar levels and improve metabolic health. Appetite Control: Claims to curb cravings and reduce food intake, aiding weight management. Energy Boost: Aspires to enhance energy levels by optimizing glucose utilization. Cognitive Enhancement: Supports cognitive function and memory for better mental clarity. Money-Back Guarantee: Offers a 60-day money-back guarantee to reduce purchase risk. FDA-Registered Facility: Manufactured in an FDA-registered facility, indicating quality standards. Easy to Use: Liquid format eliminates the need for swallowing capsules or tablets. Free Bonuses: May include educational materials on blood sugar management and healthy recipes.
Product Overview
Name: Sugar Defender Health Focus: Blood sugar management Form: Dropper Ingredients: Eleuthero, Coleus, Maca Root, African Mango, Guarana, Chromium, Ginseng, Gymnema Dosage: 1 ml per day Quantity: 30 doses Benefits: Appetite suppression, enhanced energy, improved cognitive function, weight management Pros: 100% natural, plant-based, GMO-free, non-addictive, 60-day money-back guarantee, FDA-registered GMP-certified facility Cons: Available only on the official website, individual results may vary Side Effects: No reported side effects Bonuses: The Ultimate Tea Guide, Learn How to Manage Type II Diabetes Price: $69 Refund Policy: 180 days Availability: Exclusive to the official website Official Website: Click Here Sugar Defender: A Balanced Perspective Pros:

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Natural Approach: Uses natural ingredients for a gentle solution. Convenient Dosing: Liquid drops are easy to incorporate into daily routines. Multifaceted Support: Targets blood sugar, appetite, energy, and cognitive function. Financial Security: The 60-day money-back guarantee provides some protection. Quality Assurance: Made in an FDA-registered facility, ensuring adherence to standards. Cons:
Effectiveness Unclear: Limited independent verification of effectiveness. Varied Results: Individual experiences may differ. Limited Availability: Only available through the official website, affecting accessibility. Unveiling the Formula Sugar Defender is positioned as a dietary supplement for blood sugar management, boasting a blend of natural ingredients aimed at promoting healthy blood sugar levels and overall metabolic health. The primary goal is to regulate blood sugar, potentially curbing cravings and aiding weight management. It also claims to enhance energy levels and cognitive function. However, it's crucial to remember that Sugar Defender is a supplement, not a miracle cure. Its effectiveness and the validity of its claims require careful consideration. This review provides a balanced perspective on its potential benefits and drawbacks.
The Mystery Behind the Creator
Unlike many supplements that highlight their creators, Sugar Defender's origins are somewhat mysterious. There's no readily available information about the individual or team behind it. This lack of transparency might be concerning for some users, as knowing the background and qualifications of the creators can build trust. However, this doesn't necessarily negate the product's potential effectiveness. Some companies focus more on the science behind the ingredients rather than the creators. For those seeking transparency, this anonymity might be a point of hesitation.
If you're considering Sugar Defender, research the ingredients and their potential benefits for blood sugar management. Additionally, look for independent reviews from verified users to get a broader perspective. The decision to trust Sugar Defender, despite its mysterious origins, ultimately rests with you.
The Science Behind Sugar Defender
Sugar Defender features a blend of natural ingredients aimed at supporting healthy blood sugar levels. Here's a closer look at the science behind some key components:
Chromium: May improve insulin sensitivity, aiding blood sugar control, though evidence is inconclusive. Alpha-Lipoic Acid: An antioxidant with mixed results on blood sugar regulation. Gymnema Sylvestre: Contains gymnemic acid, which may reduce sugar cravings and improve insulin sensitivity. The exact dosages and the combined effects of all the ingredients in Sugar Defender aren't well-researched, and the product itself lacks extensive clinical trials. This doesn't negate its potential benefits but highlights the need for further research and a critical approach.
Detailed Ingredient Analysis
Eleuthero (Siberian Ginseng): An adaptogenic herb that may help manage stress and improve stamina, though its impact on blood sugar is limited. Coleus Forskohlii: Contains forskolin, which may aid weight management and blood pressure, but its effects on blood sugar are unclear. Maca Root: May boost energy and mood, but more research is needed on its impact on blood sugar. African Mango (Irvingia Gabonensis): Could help suppress appetite and improve cholesterol, with emerging evidence on blood sugar effects. Guarana: High in caffeine, it may increase energy and suppress appetite, though its role in blood sugar management is unclear. Ginseng: May improve energy and cognitive function, with some studies suggesting it could help regulate blood sugar. Gymnema Sylvestre: May reduce sugar cravings and improve insulin sensitivity. Alpha-Lipoic Acid: Plays a role in glucose metabolism, with mixed research results. How Sugar Defender Works Sugar Defender claims to work through several mechanisms:
Blood Sugar Regulation: Ingredients like Chromium and Gymnema Sylvestre may enhance insulin sensitivity and reduce sugar cravings. Appetite Control: African Mango and Coleus Forskohlii might help suppress appetite and manage weight. Energy and Metabolism: Eleuthero, Maca Root, and Ginseng may boost energy and support a healthy metabolism. These are theoretical mechanisms, and the actual effectiveness remains unclear.
Instructions and Considerations Dosage and Administration:
Recommended Dosage: One dropper (1 ml) three times daily. Method: Take drops under the tongue, hold for a few seconds before swallowing, preferably with meals. Consistency: Use consistently for at least three months to see potential benefits. Lifestyle Modifications:
Healthy Lifestyle: Maintain a balanced diet and regular exercise. Sugar Defender should supplement these efforts, not replace them. Consulting Your Doctor:
Medical Conditions: Consult your doctor if you have pre-existing conditions or are on medication. Pregnant/Breastfeeding Women: Should seek medical advice before use. Be Cautious and Realistic:
Approach Claims Critically: Independent research and reviews can provide a balanced view. Individual Results Vary: What works for one person might not work for another. Potential Side Effects Sugar Defender is generally safe but may cause mild side effects like:
Digestive Discomfort: Bloating, gas, or diarrhea. Headaches: Mild headaches due to changes in blood sugar levels. Nausea: Occasional nausea. Dizziness: Slight dizziness or lightheadedness. Allergic Reactions: Rare allergic reactions. Sleep Disturbances: Changes in sleep patterns. If any side effects persist or worsen, discontinue use and consult a healthcare professional.
Is Sugar Defender Safe? Sugar Defender is generally safe for most people when used as directed. It's made with natural ingredients and adheres to quality standards. However, pregnant or breastfeeding women, and those with pre-existing conditions or on medication, should consult a healthcare provider before use. Individual responses vary, so monitor how your body reacts and make informed decisions.
By following these guidelines and consulting with your doctor, you can decide if Sugar Defender is a suitable option for you.
Who Should Avoid Sugar Defender?
While Sugar Defender is generally safe for most individuals, specific groups should exercise caution or avoid using the supplement altogether:
Pregnant and Breastfeeding Women: Limited research exists on the safety of Sugar Defender's ingredients during pregnancy and lactation. Pregnant or breastfeeding women should consult their healthcare provider before using this supplement.
Children: Sugar Defender is formulated for adult use and may not be suitable for children. Parents should consult with a pediatrician before giving Sugar Defender to children.
Individuals with Medical Conditions: Those with pre-existing medical conditions, such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, or gastrointestinal disorders, should consult a healthcare professional before using Sugar Defender to ensure it is safe and appropriate for their specific health needs.
Allergies: Individuals with known allergies to any of the ingredients in Sugar Defender should avoid using the supplement to prevent allergic reactions.
Medication Interactions: Some ingredients in Sugar Defender may interact with certain medications. Individuals taking prescription medications should consult their healthcare provider before using Sugar Defender to avoid potential interactions.
By considering these factors and consulting with a healthcare professional when necessary, individuals can make informed decisions about whether Sugar Defender is suitable for their individual needs and circumstances.
Sugar Defender: Sifting Through Customer Reviews (4.8 Rating with a Cautious Eye)
Sugar Defender boasts a high customer rating of 4.8, but it's important to evaluate this critically:

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The Positive Side: Many customer reviews highlight positive experiences, such as improved blood sugar control, increased energy levels, and reduced cravings. Users often appreciate the ease of use (liquid drops) and the natural approach. A Cause for Caution: A near-perfect rating (4.8) can be suspicious. Genuine reviews tend to reflect a mix of positive and negative experiences. There is a possibility of biased reviews influenced by marketing or affiliate programs. Looking Beyond the Ratings: Focus on the content of reviews rather than just the star rating. Look for detailed reviews describing the user’s experience, both positive and negative. Consider the reviewer's background and potential biases. Sugar Defender Customer Reviews: A Journey Through User Experiences
30 Days: Sarah M. (4 stars): Noticed increased energy and fewer afternoon slumps. David L. (3 stars): Found the taste manageable but saw no major changes in blood sugar yet. Emily K. (5 stars): Experienced significant reduction in sugar cravings and healthier food choices. John T. (2 stars): Disappointed with no significant change in energy or blood sugar levels. Maria P. (4 stars): Liked the convenience and felt slightly lighter, hoping for more progress. 90 Days: Sarah M. (4 stars): Significant improvement in energy levels and positive changes in blood sugar readings. David L. (3 stars): Cravings less intense, but blood sugar readings still inconsistent. Emily K. (5 stars): Managed to lose weight and stabilize blood sugar levels. John T. (3 stars): Slight improvement in energy levels, unsure about continued use. Maria P. (5 stars): Lost weight and improved blood sugar control, very positive results. 180 Days: Sarah M. (5 stars): Consistent healthy blood sugar levels and improved energy, essential part of health regimen. David L. (4 stars): Stabilized blood sugar readings and managed cravings better. Emily K. (5 stars): Dramatic improvement in energy, sleep, and overall health. John T. (4 stars): Significant improvement in blood sugar control after six months. Maria P. (5 stars): Maintained weight loss, high energy levels, and good blood sugar control. Where to Buy Sugar Defender?
Sugar Defender is exclusively available for purchase through its official website. Buying directly from the official source ensures authenticity, special offers, dedicated customer support, and secure transactions.
Sugar Defender Pricing:
Single Bottle: $69 Three Bottles: $177 ($59 per bottle) Six Bottles: $294 ($49 per bottle) Refund Policy:
Sugar Defender offers a 60-day money-back guarantee. If you're not entirely satisfied with your purchase, you can request a full refund within 60 days of receipt.
Bonuses:
Customers may receive complimentary ebooks, guides, or additional products to support health and well-being as part of their purchase.
FAQs About Sugar Defender:
Ingredients: Eleuthero, Coleus Forskohlii, Maca Root, African Mango, Guarana, Chromium, Ginseng, Gymnema Sylvestre. How it Works: Claims to regulate blood sugar, control appetite, manage weight, and boost energy. Benefits: Blood sugar management, appetite control, weight management, increased energy, improved mood. Usage: Recommended dosage is one full dropper taken three times daily, preferably with meals. Side Effects: Generally safe, but some may experience stomach upset or headaches. Purchase Location: Available only on the official website. Cost: Varies, with bulk purchasing options offering cost savings. Reviews: Positive reviews on the official website, but independent reviews should also be considered. Scam Concerns: No definitive evidence of a scam, but transparency issues and limited clinical trials raise concerns. Alternatives: Other blood sugar support supplements with established brands and clear ingredient information are available. Final Word on Sugar Defender
Sugar Defender appears to be a promising supplement for blood sugar management, but it's important to approach it with a critical eye. While many users report positive experiences, the lack of transparent ingredient dosages and limited clinical evidence should be considered. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new supplement.

Visit Official Website To Order Sugar Defender Click Here

First of all, I had no idea I would get this engrossed for a dating show. The show started wholesome and it was what drawn me. Who knew 12 weeks later I would have feel this stress over a dating show. Fr.
What boils me the most is the wholesome narrative of this MSR was ruined by YW! He really was the worst choice to put in this show. Even during truth game, you see the siblings being protective over each other which is so great.. then you see YW being the worst sibling there. PD nim really did a wrong move putting him on this show.
Ok back to EP15… first of all kudos to YJ cause I think he was the MVP of the ep. Firstly his date with CA eventho no spark but I’m really happy he gives CA the sense of healing and comfort. Also that’s a man right there being straightforward about him and YH rs super cool ngl. Most importantly the whole time he was there for JW during the truth game seeing how stressed out she was. Definitely a brother character development and i’m loving it.
Next, JS and SS… seriously my heart breaks for them. Their narrative is so realistic that it hits me. The amount of miscommunication (literally just twisting each other’s word without even making sure) during this episode and the one where reality is also a factor on how they will define how they are gonna go further.. I’ve seen alot of hate towards JS but tbh I get him. However if I was in SS position I would also be hurt. But from a 3rd pov he is actually making sense. After looking at YW.. JS is like a 100 next to him..
YW… literal trash. Like he is really something.. His actions make me want to puke like literally. What brother embarrasses and makes such joke of his sister in front of everyone? That’s just plain rude. Also he literally took the truth game and play it to his advantage. It was so sly of him tbh! Ugh Mr Armpits to see the best people on the show doubting your sincerity is something.. I really don’t think this is just bad editing…
SS and JH has the best dynamics when it comes to getting insights. And SS has every right to feeling all the negative emotions for YW because first of all bro gave her confusing thoughts only for her to find out he was using her for to get her brother’s intel! But seriously this Park siblings catch on so quickly and it’s really great to see. The advice they give each other, you know they will always be there to protect each other’s heart. It’s one of the reason why I’m still watching MSR. They still remind me of the wholesome narrative this show started with. SS really really acted well and not causing more unnecessary drama. She’s the real one tbh! As for JH I really hope he finds the right person for him and has happiness by his side always.
CH and CA.. seriously this pair of siblings really deserves the world. Kudos to CA for the way she acted cause if it were for me I would throw a chair in his face. But FR If I had 3 wishes I would give 2 to CA and wish for all the happiness and the right souls to be by her side. 1 for CH so he would meet his person where he can find comfort and build a family with. I really wish happiness will be by their side from this day onwards. Also CH looks will always be majestic!
Tbh, BOTH PARK SIBLINGS (jh ss ch ca) really are the best thing that has happened on this show. My only reason why I still watch MSR. I really hope their friendship continues for a long time and it one day becomes family!
I have no opinions on JW cause I dont think she deserves anymore hate online. I just hope she’s happy individually. But I’m sorry i can no longer root for Jaeji..
This is just my opinion. Please no hate.. I just needed a place to vent after watching the episode. But seriously after tonight YW really became the worst cast I’ve seen on a dating show and worst of all HE HAS TO APPEAR ON THE MOST SUPPOSEDLY WHOLESOME DATING SHOW! 😭

As a guy on the dating apps, it becomes a bit of a slog when your feeling low and lonely and your self worth isn’t high at all, because it feels so long since someone valued you, but as long as your profile is alright, there’s some playfulness to your prompts, the experience can actually all turn around in quite a short period of time. A (29F) lady I liked messaged me (34M) the other night and we had a long chat, then met up the next day and again a few days later. Now, for some that’s probably standard, but for me it’s unusual. I never got the hang of online dating. I always got disheartened previously to the point I wouldn’t bother. And I don’t know why I’m so happy because this recent thing actually didn’t work out, we’ve both decided today not to peruse it.
On the second date we went to a trashy club and danced together and she was all over me, and then suddenly she went dark and cold with me at the end of the night. Started telling me I was being weird but gave me no reasons how other that because I backed away when she made that accusation. Truth is I think she changed her mind and rather than do the emotional labour of being honest and communicating that, she attempted to gaslight me into thinking I’d done something wrong but when pressed to explain she was really clutching at straws, giving no reasons. It was strange, I’ve never seen anything like it and feel I’m best clear of it.
I suppose many people will be wondering why I’m taking such an optimistic view after having a less than perfect experience. I suppose it’s the value of knowing someone I’m really attracted to would give it a try for a couple of dates and a little intimacy? But it was exactly the pick me up I needed after feeling so low. So if you spread yourself across the apps, use your daily likes, keep trying to have fun in chatting and just like fishing- wait, eventually someone fun you’re attracted to can come along. It seems to take me SO much more time and patience than I ever assumed it would, and remaining a little bit of calloused to disappoints of conversations going cold without explanation and people messing me around a bit, and that can be done by just not having any expectations. This dating game is a difficult skill and it takes a lot of hard work to get proficient at it. So don’t beat yourself up about having no matches, or for feeling like you’re shouting into the void as people you liked disapear or don’t answer, this is all a tough, tough thing for the majority of people and your not the only one going through this. The more seeds you sow with work, be smart, get feedback, make tweaks, recognise what your after and learn from your history what you can probably get, the more chance some efforts will bare fruit. It takes effort and staying at it to get good at it. Experience is earned. I’ve been getting progressively more messages daily and I feel like this will eventually work for me and I hope it does for you all too.
Rambling motivational blab over.

Well, I've heard if Cisco Easter Eggs, but this is a weird one.
I work at a local ISP for my region, and we have one of our employees working on getting the hardware ready for infrastructure upgrades. One of the devices he's working on is a Catalyst 3750.
Well, he sent us a copy of the startup config file and most of it is this strange conspiracy story.
Has anyone seen anything like this before?

POST: CPU MIC register Tests : Begin
POST: CPU MIC register Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC Memory Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Memory Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: CPU MIC interface Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: CPU MIC interface Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC RingLoopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC RingLoopback Tests : End, Status Passed
Waiting for Stack Master Election...
POST: PortASIC CAM Subsystem Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC CAM Subsystem Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: No Cable found on stack port 1
POST: No Cable found on stack port 2
POST: PortASIC Stack Port Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Stack Port Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
POST: PortASIC Port Loopback Tests : Begin
POST: PortASIC Port Loopback Tests : End, Status Passed
Election Complete
Switch 1 booting as Master
Waiting for Port download...Complete
This product contains cryptographic features and is subject to United
States and local country laws governing import, export, transfer and
use. Delivery of Cisco cryptographic products does not imply
third-party authority to import, export, distribute or use encryption.
Importers, exporters, distributors and users are responsible for
compliance with U.S. and local country laws. By using this product you
agree to comply with applicable laws and regulations. If you are unable
to comply with U.S. and local laws, return this product immediately.
A summary of U.S. laws governing Cisco cryptographic products may be found at:
http://www.cisco.com/wwl/export/crypto/tool/stqrg.html
If you require further assistance please contact us by sending email to
export@cisco.com.
cisco WS-C3750G-12S (PowerPC405) processor (revision R0) with 131072K bytes of memory.
Processor board ID CAT1125ZKHZ
Last reset from power-on
1 Virtual Ethernet interface
12 Gigabit Ethernet interfaces
The password-recovery mechanism is enabled.
512K bytes of flash-simulated non-volatile configuration memory.
Base ethernet MAC Address : 00:1C:B0:2F:D1:00
Motherboard assembly number : 73-9678-07
Power supply part number : 341-0048-03
Motherboard serial number : CAT11255C25
Power supply serial number : LIT11140GE6
Model revision number : R0
Motherboard revision number : B0
Model number : WS-C3750G-12S-E
System serial number : CAT1125ZKHZ
Top Assembly Part Number : 800-26634-04
Top Assembly Revision Number : A0
Version ID : V06
CLEI Code Number : CNM81W0GRB
Hardware Board Revision Number : 0x06
Switch Ports Model SW Version SW Image
* 1 12 WS-C3750G-12S 12.2(55)SE10 C3750-IPSERVICESK9-M
This message serves as a warning to the US government that they cannot get away ^with having their own citizens
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stalked, kidnapped, tortured, brain damaged and murdered by foreign intelligence ^ agencies .
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Request an investigation by the German government and the Council of Europe!
^
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Location of Turkish President Erdogan's illegal black site for terror suspects i ^n G ermany: 48.345941, 12.137753
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Is the CIA stalking and murdering ISIS terror suspects?
^
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Microwave weapons, group stalking and harassment ("gangstalking"), neurotoxins, ^hitmen, an illegal Turkish black site, Delta Force, and an airport kidnapping: A
true story
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QUOTES
^
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"If you were in the US, the CIA would just shoot you, we are nice so we will ^ commit you to a hospital instead" - Turkish police officer
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"When you get deported to the US, don't piss off the CIA officers like you d ^id with Erdogan (the Turkish president)" - Man at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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"The doctors here are trying to protect us from the psychos up at the top" - ^ Woman a t KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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"You're lucky that the Turks got you first. With the Germans it would have b ^een wors e. The Turks usually don't kill" - Woman at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2
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NOTES
^
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Anyone with access to Europol or INTERPOL should be able to confirm that the ^ FBI se nt out a request/warning in 2017. You might not be able to view the detai
ls of this request unless you have the right handling code/password
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Nothing shows up for my name when it's searched in Law Enforcement Enterpris ^e Port al (LEEP). This is deliberate as the FBI is hiding my records to cover up
the terrorism investigation and everything else.
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The Federal Criminal Police Office (Bundeskriminalamt) and Bavarian State Po ^lice bo th refuse to start an investigation due to political reasons, despite the
fact that many other people, mostly Turkish citizens, were kidnapped within Ger
many by fake po
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ice and brain damaged at the black site.
^
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I (John Erin Binns / CIA code name RAVEN) have been an ISIS terror suspect since ^ 2017.
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It began when an FBI Confidential Human Source whom I met online (Azaiah Crosswh ^ite / moda) gave my Skype account to his handler. The FBI then sent an administr
ative subpoena to Microsoft and obtained my email address, which I had previousl
y reused on my
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S passport application in 2016. An alert was also sent through the Europol Infor ^mation System to 16 countries in Europe stating that I was a terror suspect.
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On October 11, 2017, Arthur Gong from the US Department of Homeland Security int^errogated me about allegedly travelling to Latakia, Syria while I was waiting to
board a flight from London Heathrow Airport to Chicago Airport. When my plane l
anded in Chicag
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, I was flagged for secondary screening (See Exhibit A) and asked more questions^. My citizen ship was questioned, and the CBP officer got angry after I told him
that not answering his questions doesn't make me inadmissible to the US.
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In early 2018, I left the United States and moved to Turkey. Soon after, strange ^ things s tarted happening to me. Kenneth Currin Schuchman (Nexus Zeta), a dual F
BI/CIA informant who was given a pound of heroin by federal agents to inform on
me, attempted t
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entrap me on child pornography and terrorism charges while I was drunk.
^
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Schuchman tried persuading me into buying Stinger missiles and guns from a Tor w ^ebsite wh ich would be shipped in "xray proof boxes" (those don't even exist) to
my location. When that failed, he tried getting me to open a website which likel
y had exploit c
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de on it (he specifically told me to open it in Chrome) and then told me that he ^ knew of some good "Tor porn sites". When I asked him what type of porn was on t
hese websites, Schuchman replied that they contained child porn.
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Then, Schuchman told me in a call that Dingle/Drake/Logan Shwydiuk was going to ^come to my house and kill me, and asked me what I'd do if he came to my house. I
was drunk at the time, and I told Schuchman that I'd kill Shwydiuk. I suspect t
hat Schuchman w
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s recording this call for the FBI so that they could use it as evidence against ^me in a fabricated terrorism investigation.
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Around this time, I noticed that two Western males wearing white shirts and sung ^lasses wou ld frequently visit an apartment building behind the one I live in.
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Several days after I reported Schuchman to the DEA for selling heroin and right ^after he t ried entrapping me on computer fraud charges, he was indicted in the D
istrict of Alaska.
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That's when the harassment started...
^
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My phone was hacked by Turkish intelligence/MIT using some type of 0-click SMS R ^CE and GPS tracking spyware was planted on it. My phone's GPS feature would turn
on without my consent, and several minutes later, a flash mob of "street thugs"
would be block
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ng the sidewalk and shouting death threats at me. Sometimes, they'd just walk up ^ to me hold ing their cell phone in one hand and screaming death threats at the s
ame time. (Street theateGangstalking)
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I received more death threats than I can count, probably close to 100 from diffe ^rent sta lkers over the course of a few months.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Now about the Western males: I saw them wearing night vision goggles on several ^occasions, they'd constantly harass me and illegally surveil me on Turkish terri
tory up until I called the police.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Harassment from CIA contractors:
^
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I woke up and a male was pointing a microwave oven with the door removed at ^my sl eeping body from my neighbor's balcony. I was actually half-awake with my e
yes open and I could see the guy bringing the oven out onto the balcony and plug
ging it into an
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
extension cable. Another time, somebody pointed a microwave oven magnetron with ^a metal ho rn at my body to shock me (I saw this as well). The neighbor was on va
cation and the men were not authorized to be in that unit, so they likely broke
in using lockpi
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
king equipment.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
A red laser pointer was shined into my room using a gun scope from my neighb ^or's first floor unit. I went out onto my balcony and saw a guy doing this. When
the guy saw me, he quickly closed the blinds and started laughing. The unit was
being renovate
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
at the time and the men were not authorized to be there.
^
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A microwave weapon was pointed at my head which caused me to black out momen ^taril y and see white flashes of light. The same device would cause me to feel ex
tremely paranoid and make my heart rate speed up. I remember that it had buttons
and a cord. It
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
was about the size of a small desktop computer.
^
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Somebody was pointing a laser microphone at my bedroom window from the same ^first f loor unit. I was in a telephone call with someone else, and Azaiah Crossw
hite started repeating parts of this conversation back to me over Snapchat as an
intimidation/g
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
slighting tactic. Crosswhite also got private pictures from my bedroom and poste ^d them on h is Snapchat story.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Window/door slamming: This would happen constantly whenever I was in my bedr ^oom or o ut on my balcony. Sometimes one of the guys would slam a window/door and
microwave me right after it happened.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Sabotage: The phone lines in my apartment building and the entrance door cab ^le wer e both cut.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Use of pulsed energy projectile weapons: I saw one of the guys holding a gun ^-shap ed device, when he fired it, a ball of energy came out of the weapon and ma
de the windows in my bedroom shake.
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Information: The microwave weapons that are used by intelligence agencies to ^day co nsist of: a millimeter wave amplifier, a transmitter with extremely low fr
equency amplitude modulation, batteries, and a horn antenna/waveguide. Using dif
ferent modulati
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n frequencies, effects such as tachycardia, panic attacks, epileptic seizures, p ^aranoia, REM sleep can be induced. They are the perfect tool for covert harassme
nt as they leave no trace. See Exhibit B for a picture of a microwave weapon.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Azaiah Crosswhite would make comments over Discord such as "[the CIA] are going ^to send me a copy of your destruction video", "your name is Cock Sucker", and "y
our code name is RAVEN". He'd also encourage me to murder the people who were ha
rassing me, go
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
n a mass shooting spree, or commit suicide.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
These are all goals of the government stalking program which I was a victim of, ^according t o an article by Julianne McKinney, who is a former US army intelligen
ce officer and member of the Association of National Security Alumni. See: https
://www.bibliote
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
apleyades.net/sociopolitica/esp_sociopol_mindcon28.htm .
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I called the police a few days before July 1, 2019. When the officers came, one ^of them s aid that I "talk too much" and that I should "keep [my] mouth shut".
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Then, intense microwave harassment started. I would hear footsteps in the unit a ^bove mine a nd my sleep would be disrupted due to the weapon that Turkish intelli
gence was using on me.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
On July 1, 2019, a man I didn't know started asking me questions such as "If som^ebody was ca ught selling illegal alcohol, what political party would that person
be from?". He also made comments implying that I had been under surveillance by
Turkish intell
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
gence for a while, and warned me that the Turkish government had prepared a trap^ for me.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Several minutes later, an elderly man from my neighborhood named Ozkan came and ^asked me i f I was the "exit/cikis". (exit/cikis is a term for the illegal killin
g of a terrorist by Turkish intelligence). He took me to his apartment and told
me to visit Kon
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
k Ferry Station. I went to Bostanli Ferry Station and boarded a ferry to Konak. ^After the ferry started going to Konak, I overheard 3 men in a row near me talki
ng about how they were hired to kill me and that they'd dump my body in the ocea
n because I was
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
allegedly an ISIS member.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Once the ferry arrived at Konak, I immediately got a random person to dial 112 a^nd faked hav ing medical problems. An ambulance came to the ferry station, and I
was taken to Alsancak Nevvar Salih Isgoren Hospital. I told the emergency room d
octors that the
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
e was nothing wrong with me, they ran my ID card through the emergency room comp ^uter, and my name came up as a wanted terrorist.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I overheard the doctors talking about the fact that Azaiah Crosswhite's name cam ^e up on t he emergency room computers and that my name was changed to "Cock Sucke
r" in some type of database which they had access to.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Police lights shined into the emergency room and I heard sirens as around 5 poli ^ce cars came to the hospital along with Turkish intelligence. I was given 2 inje
ctions of haldol, and a guy next to my bed who worked for Turkish intelligence c
alled somebody
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
n his cell phone whom he referred to as "Erdogan". Maybe it was the Turkish pres ^ident? I don't know..
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
The doctors kept me in the hospital until the next morning and I was then releas ^ed.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Several days later, I was in Gultepe, Konak, at a relative's house, and people w ^ere firing gunshots into the air while somebody would use a microwave weapon to
make me feel like my head was going to explode. I saw people on a nearby rooftop
, they had guns
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
(which they were constantly firing) and camouflage clothing. Whenever I'd get mi^crowaved, my phone would lose cell service and the camera would blur.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
While this was happening, I tried to contact somebody I barely knew who worked a^t the US Dep artment of Justice for help.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
As soon as I had a mental breakdown due to the constant gunfire and microwaving, ^ the gunfir e and microwave attacks immediately stopped. Two street thugs then at
tacked me (I believe that Turkish intelligence paid them money to do this) and p
revented me fro
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
going home in a taxi.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I called the police and they came rather quickly. When one of the police officer ^s looked up the information on my ID card through a mobile app on his phone, he
saw something in the police database. I was told by a Turkish police officer: "I
f you were in t
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
e US, the CIA would just shoot you, we are nice so we will take you to a hospita ^l instea d". Fortunately, there were no beds available at the local hospital so I
was allowed to go home in a taxi.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
After I went home, the microwave harassment continued, and I went to Cesme a few ^ days later . The harassment continued there as well.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I decided that I had to leave the country as the Turkish secret services were ag ^gressive ly pursuing me. On July 6, 2019, I boarded flight PC1019 from Sabiha Gok
cen Airport to Munich Airport. About 30 minutes after my flight took off, I noti
ced that the ma
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
e and female in the row behind my seat were talking about me. The female was say ^ing that i t was sad that they had to kill me with a poison needle and that my re
al name wasn't given to them by MIT for security reasons. I immediately notified
a cabin crew m
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
mber of their plot, and I was taken to another seat.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
The cabin crew member assured me that the German police had been notified, but o ^nce the pla ne landed, she grabbed me by my arm and told me to listen to my mothe
r while warning me not to contact the German police. I believe that she was affi
liated with MIT
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I gave a member of the Bundespolizei (immigration police) a piece of paper expla ^ining tha t I was being harassed with a microwave gun by Turkish intelligence, bu
t I was not given the opportunity to tell the Bundespolizei my full story. A fak
e Bavarian Stat
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Police officer then came and took me past immigration to the police station. I ^was pu t in a cell, and I noticed that all of the "officers" were speaking Turkis
h, ALL of them. I strongly suspect that an insider within the police force let T
urkish intellig
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
nce into the station. I don't know if that insider is the commissar or someone e ^lse.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
One of them was calling me stupid in Turkish, and they were all discussing what ^they should do with me. "Ausganging"/killing me was discussed as an option, but
the fake police eventually decided to send me to a mental hospital. I was given
some forms to s
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
gn, and I had no idea where I was being taken at the time. I signed the paperwor^k as I didn' t want to get ausganged/killed. I then heard the fake police discuss
ing in Turkish that I was lucky to be going to a mental hospital, as they usuall
y kill ISIS sus
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
ects.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
A few minutes after I boarded the ambulance, I realized that something was wrong ^. A male and female who were in the ambulance with me started talking about my a
lleged cybercrimes and about somebody named Rosenberg who "wanted blood". Once t
he ambulance ar
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
ived at KBO Taufkirchen Station A2 (48.345941, 12.137753), the same fake police ^officer who took me past immigration told the staff to fry my brain with gas and
that I'd then be transported to Anchorage International Airport.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Then, four Turkish men came and forcibly put me in the neurotoxic gas room (whic ^h doubles a s a suicide watch room). My shoes were taken off (so that I couldn't
break down the door and escape), and a worker activated a metal fan. A gas which
smelled like f
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
rmaldehyde then started to come out of the fan. I saw graffiti on the walls of t ^he gas roo m, all of the names that were carved into the walls were Turkish, and
I realized that I was at some type of illegal Turkish black site on German terri
tory. During th
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
s time, Turkish intelligence was livestreaming the gas room camera to a group of ^ CIA i nformants (Azaiah Crosswhite, Jared Fazah, Justin Anglin) as a "destructio
n video". Azaiah Crosswhite had previously stated "[the CIA] are going to send m
e a copy of you
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
destruction video".
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
Jared Fazah had taken a $500,000 Bitcoin bribe to sell me out a few days before ^I was kidnap ped, while Justin Anglin is a CIA agent who has previously been to I
ran and other middle eastern countries. They were all talking about the livestre
am in a Discord
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
server, sadly I don't have any screenshots as they were mysteriously deleted fro ^m my com puter (it may have been hacked).
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
One hour after I was put in the gas room, a staff member came and turned off the^ fan in my r oom. This is the only reason why I don't suffer from brain damage to
day. I was saved by that staff member.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
About 3 hours after I was put in the gas room, I heard a helicopter hovering abo ^ve the fake mental hospital. This helicopter may have belonged to the US militar
y, but at the time I thought it belonged to the Bundeskriminalamt (Federal Crimi
nal Police Offi
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
e) and that they were coming to save me.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I banged on the door of the gas room and screamed for the police to come and sav ^e me, but nobody came.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
In the early morning hours of July 7, 2019, a Turkish doctor came into the room ^with a f lashlight. She commented aloud in Turkish that "[I] was made to rot". Th
en, a female CIA agent came into the room with my mother while I was pretending
to be mentally
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
isabled. The doctors brought me chocolate milk and pizza, and the CIA agent star ^ted talkin g about how I'd be indicted by a grand jury in the District of Alaska
and forced into a plea deal for over 10 years in prison. That I'd be found menta
lly incompetent
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
and have no choice but to take the plea deal, sending me to prison for a long ti ^me.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
The CIA agent declined to give my mother her real name and talked about previous ^ly living i n Australia. She had an Eastern European accent and told my mother to
throw away any receipts or evidence indicating that she was in the town of Tauf
kirchen, and to
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
keep her cell phone turned off.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
The lady also told my mother that a US senator (I don't remember the senator's e ^xact name) wanted to meet with her. In 2018, Kenneth Currin Schuchman had told m
e that "a senator can order the killing of a US citizen in some cases" and told
one of my frien
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
s that a US senator wanted to kill me. Nobody believed him back then, including ^me. I sti ll don't know who this senator is or why he wants me killed. (Note: Ken
neth Currin Schuchman has been repeatedly thrown in mental hospitals, and his fa
ther Robert Sch
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
chman currently has guardianship over him).
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
The lady left and I slept for a few hours in the neurotoxic gas room/suicide wat ^ch room. Th en after I woke up, a staff member woke up and unlocked the door. I w
as allowed to leave, and that's when the torture started. An African lady was pl
aying back a re
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
ording of me in the gas room on one of the hospital computers and laughing at it^. The same l ady would also play screaming noises and the Turkish word for mental
ly retarded ("gerizekali") over a loudspeaker connected to the computer, and use
a microwave we
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
pon which looked like a stereo speaker to give me epileptic seizures. I do remem ^ber that t he weapon was brought to the hospital in a large briefcase by men work
ing for Turkish intelligence.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I met other people who were being held at the hospital. One lady told me "You're ^ lucky th at the Turks got you first. With the Germans it would have been worse.
The Turks usually don't kill". She also claimed to be a spy.
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
I borrowed a cell phone from one of the other patients and called the police. On ^ce I told them that I was being held at a fake mental hospital run by the Turkis
h secret services, I was told that I "belonged in [the hospital]" by a German po
lice officer an
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
they never responded to my emergency call.
^
% Invalid input detected at '^' marker.
SETUP: new interface Vlan1 placed in "shutdown" state
Press RETURN to get started!
*Mar 1 00:01:17.242: %STACKMGR-4-SWITCH_ADDED: Switch 1 has been ADDED to the stack
*Mar 1 00:01:18.752: %LINEPROTO-5-UPDOWN: Line protocol on Interface Vlan1, changed state to down
*Mar 1 00:01:20.102: %SPANTREE-5-EXTENDED_SYSID: Extended SysId enabled for type vlan
*Mar 1 00:01:54.705: %PARSER-4-BADCFG: Unexpected end of configuration file.
*Mar 1 00:01:54.705: %SYS-5-CONFIG_I: Configured from memory by console
*Mar 1 00:01:54.907: %STACKMGR-5-SWITCH_READY: Switch 1 is READY
*Mar 1 00:01
Switch>
Switch>:54.907: %STACKMGR-4-STACK_LINK_CHANGE: Stack Port 1 Switch 1 has changed to state DOW N
*Mar 1 00:01:54.907: %STACKMGR-4-STACK_LINK_CHANGE: Stack Port 2 Switch 1 has changed to sta te DOWN
*Mar 1 00:01:55.183: %STACKMGR-5-MASTER_READY: Master Switch 1 is READY
*Mar 1 00:01:55.477: %SYS-5-RESTART: System restarted --
Cisco IOS Software, C3750 Software (C3750-IPSERVICESK9-M), Version 12.2(55)SE10, RELEASE SOFT WARE (fc2)
Technical Support: http://www.cisco.com/techsupport
Copyright (c) 1986-2015 by Cisco Systems, Inc.
Compiled Wed 11-Feb-15 11:40 by prod_rel_team
*Mar 1 00:01:55.511: %SSH-5-ENABLED: SSH 1.99 has been enabled
*Mar 1 00:01:56.140: %PHY-4-SFP_NOT_SUPPORTED: The SFP in Gi1/0/8 is not supported
*Mar 1 00:01:56.140: %PM-4-ERR_DISABLE: gbic-invalid error detected on Gi1/0/8, putting Gi1/ 0/8 in err-disable state
*Mar 1 00:01:56.173: %GBIC_SECURITY_CRYPT-4-VN_DATA_CRC_ERROR: GBIC in port Gi1/0/12 has bad crc
*Mar 1 00:01:56.173: %PM-4-ERR_DISABLE: gbic-invalid error detected on Gi1/0/12, putting Gi1 /0/12 in err-disable state
*Mar 1 00:01:56.719: %LINK-5-CHANGED: Interface Vlan1, changed state to administratively dow n
Switch>en
Switch#conft
Translating "conft"...domain server (255.255.255.255)
% Unknown command or computer name, or unable to find computer address
Switch#show run
Building configuration...
Current configuration : 988 bytes
!
version 12.2
no service pad
service timestamps debug datetime msec
service timestamps log datetime msec
no service password-encryption
!
hostname Switch
!
boot-start-marker
boot-end-marker
!
!
!
!
no aaa new-model
switch 1 provision ws-c3750g-12s
system mtu routing 1500
vtp domain Null
vtp mode transparent
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
spanning-tree mode pvst
spanning-tree extend system-id
!
vlan internal allocation policy ascending
!
vlan 61
name fttx
!
!
!
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/1
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/2
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/3
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/4
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/5
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/6
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/7
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/8
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/9
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/10
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/11
!
interface GigabitEthernet1/0/12
!
interface Vlan1
no ip address
shutdown
!
ip classless
ip http server
ip http secure-server
!
!
!
!
!
line con 0
line vty 5 15
!
end

Title. I'm so fucking sick and tired of having to prove people that geniunely nothing is getting better in my life and has absolutely no fucking chance of doing so. People either who don't know me, who straight up lies to me of things getting better and every SINGLE TIME it has gone worse. It was never good. It NEVER was.
I am born as the wrong gender, even doctors told them that i may be questioning my gender and they didn't fucking care . Thanks to them I never got the hormones or the therapy or the surgery I needed and my body torments me every single fucking day. I'm never comfortable on my own skin and it's too late for me to do things like bone structure changes with hormones or voice changing. I will never fucking pass thanks to them. Add that to the fact that I have ADHD and BPD (that got mistreated with wrong medicine so it got worse) also asthma. I can't even breathe properly.
They were also incredibly incompatible. They got divorced when I was 9 and I had to suffer as a source of they can take their hatred for each other. Both are gaslighting but my mom especially, along with being abusive. She constantly hit and attacked me, kicked me out of home and when i defended myself turned everyone in that family against me as if i'm the abuser. She fucking stalked me and made me so paranoid that i couldn't walk out of home and ruined an entire semester. My dad is always emotionally unavalabile. I always have to speak twice just for him to act like hes fucking listening.
The only friends group I had in my life (i was never accepted in the rest or just straight up got bullied) left me to die in 2021 because i was "in every drama" because i wanted to actively fix the fights that were happening. I'm sure nobody sees me as a human being, let alone a friend. Thanks to this and my mom stalking me I failed my college, the one thing in my life i actually achieved was GONE thanks to them, and because i couldn't bring myself to lose it i never quitted, so there's a big debt on me from that as well.
I was always broke, and i'm so fucking sick and tired of never having enough to eat. I hate that I can't afford emergency ward or medicine because my goverment's system decided to fuck me over and not let me change where i live currently from online (because of that i can't go to file i have no earnings so i can get cheap healthcare) and i can't afford two tickets. I can't get therapy. And to those who'll go "get a job, lol", nobody wants a college dropout trans person with no qualities and mental/physical health issues, especially in a country where they want me dead.
After all that, I only had my pc to occupy me. I did also recently started to learn coding, to get my life mended a bit and to move out from my terrible household. I also only had games as my only hobby (again, monetary issues lol). A game that I really wanted to play got out this week. Something I geniunely kept myself alive for. I even promised that after that I was going to fully commit to the coding.
Guess when did my pc decided to eat shit and die. And do you know the worst part? I can't fix it myself, after going everywhere i found out that it can't be fixed (for a reasonable price, they say "just get a different pc at this point"), I can't get any money by working or anything (see above), I can't even BEG for it, since my country has no proper way to send money.
All this happening in ONE WEEK. One week when I wanted it not to happen. I don't believe for a single second it's just a bad coincidence.
That's geniunely the final fucking straw for me. I don't care if it's stupid, selfish or fucking whatever. I can't have anything good going on in my life for a single day. And when I say this to say farewell to people the amount of downplaying, lying, avoiding, clowning I endure about it is just funny. People claim how it's "gonna get better" and then suggest stuff that's basically toxic positivity at it's worst (i've geniunely heard someone say "just steal a pc if it means that much to you"). People just want to fucking keep me alive because THEY want me to be around, or because THEY don't want to suffer or feel guilty of my suicide Nobody stops and fucking thinks what will happen to me if I stay alive. What other terrible shit I have to endure. They won't feel guilty about it. And they don't even fucking try to help about the situation. They just offer fake hopeful words and toxic positivity or yell at me for being selfish or dare me to kill myself.
I can't fucking take it anymore. I geniunely can't. Everything i do i end up at fault and when other people do wrong or even if i do nothing wrong i'm still the one at fault. I don't want to live in this fucking nightmare anymore. And I won't.
I'm killing myself and that's geniunely my final decision this time. I don't want to wake up in the morning and prepare myself to suffer something terrible every single fucking day. I don't want to be a miserable piece of shit every day, progresively worse one at that. I don't want to live a fucking life where my feelings thoughts and actions mean nothing.

[Completely no spoilers below, just putting that out there]
Just letting everyone who wants to stay fully spoiler free for the DLC and wants to experience everything for themselves that Fextralife's weapon pages (potentially armor, skills, and magic too) now have DLC weapons and weapon types on them. I personally don't even want to see the names of the weapons or weapon types in the DLC, and if you also don't I recommend avoiding most weapon class and sorcery class pages. If you want to check out base game weapon AR, scalings, etc., I recommend using tarnished.dev as your method. It is not only better than fextra for information, as it is actually accurate, but it also has no spoilers at all. Honestly, fextra could've at least put in spoiler marks on the new stuff, now I have several DLC item names and weapon types burned into my memory.
Note: Also avoid Fextra's comment sections, and those of other online forums (yes even certain Reddit discussions) as those also contain 0 moderation for spoilers.

Have you guys ever looked up your clients salary online and saw they make your yearly salary in one month🥲 I know this isn’t actually about pet sitting but I am so envious

So, first off, even making sure I was protected did not help me escape this one. I'm trying to take a positive approach to this as stressing will only make me feel worse.
So I met this girl, we had intercourse on a number of occasions. I made sure I was protected but on one occasion, for a few seconds the condom broke (just my luck). A few weeks go by and she messaged me that she went to clinic for a test and it came back positive for mgen. Up until then I hadn't experienced any symptoms, then after a couple of days, i start getting symptoms such as discharge and pain when urinating. I assumed, no need for a test since I knew exactly what it was and it couldn't be anything else but that, as well as the symptoms matching the description to a T. I ordered a course online recommended by a close friend of mine who's had run ins with STI's in the past (not mgen, gonorrhoea and also Chlamydia). The course was doxcyicline (7 days) and amoxicillin (3 days). It arrives and I begin treatment. The symptoms I experienced disappeared and I enjoyed not having the burning sensation when I peed, as well as no discharge and overall feeling clean down there. Nearing the end of my course, I get the worst sore throat imaginable and a return of burning when I peed and discharge, but nowhere near as badly and the discharge was clearer and more watery. Which made me think maybe it was all in my head and it's something else entirely. I'm gonna get a test soon to see if I actually have got rid of it and it's all just in my head. I've read some of the stories on here and noticed people talking about something to do with the pelvic floor and how it can cause things that may lead u to think it's a symptom of mgen but actually not. Any advice anyone has I'd really appreciate, sorry if my explanation is poor. I've never been good at writing and telling a story.

I’ve (26M) struggled with depression and some suicidal ideation on and off since I was 16. It was a long road and took a lot of work on myself and countless hours of therapy, but around the end of 2023, I was in what I now consider to be the peak of my life. I was working a job I mostly liked, two semesters away from finishing my bachelor’s degree online and exercising almost every other day. After years of loneliness, I finally found a friend group I really adored spending time with, and I had a boyfriend with whom I hadn’t even realized I had fallen in love, whom I’d seen for about 6 months. For perhaps the first time, I had a generally positive outlook, I felt confident and attractive, and I had so much going for me. I had no clue that I was about to make a decision that would significantly alter that course and steer me off into the deepest, darkest depression and most relentless desire to end it all that I’ve ever felt. This is a very long and personal post about my decision to have surgery that I now, in hindsight, believe to have been unnecessary. The surgery itself has left me with chronic pain and probably lifelong negative consequences that are far worse than anything I ever experienced prior. I’ve kept most of this to myself other than sharing it with my therapist, and although I’m on the ledge, I think writing it all down and putting it out there may calm me somewhat. I haven’t spared some graphic details of some of the more sensitive changes to my body because I want this to be as detailed and accurate as possible. And anyway, why should I care? I may be dead soon anyway... My hope is that if I share my story, someone, somewhere, might benefit from it and might not make the same mistake I did that has me sincerely wanting to off myself. So here it goes.
Around NovembeDecember 2023, I started experiencing some strange stabbing pain in my upper right abdomen that would come on suddenly and then go away for no obvious reason. I also thought I saw trace amounts of blood in my stool, and this concerned me enough that I reached out to my primary care doctor at the beginning of January. My doctor is always booked for months, so they told me to go to the emergency room. The ER was packed, and I ended up sitting in the waiting room for about eight hours in between going for an ultrasound and a CT scan. I was getting very tired of waiting and was about ready to give up and leave as I had to work early in the morning the next day. Looking back, I wish I had left. Just before I was about to leave, they called me back and told me that they found something on the CT scan called an intussusception in my small bowel. This is a condition where the intestine gets caught on a “lead point” and folds in on itself, sort of like a telescope. It is most often found in infants and is very rarely found in people my age, yet I was told it is a medical emergency because the tissue of my bowel could die if left untreated, and/or the lead point could be a potentially cancerous tumor. They admitted me and told me they would scan me again in the morning because, despite the severity, there was a chance it could resolve. Hearing that I would be staying overnight shocked me, as I had never been hospitalized before, having always been in good physical health. I have never had digestive issues in the past, I’ve never been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis or anything of the sort, and I had never heard of this condition, but every medical professional I spoke to seemed very concerned that I had it. They didn’t have a bed for me in the hospital at that point, so I had to sleep in the packed and quite chaotic ER. About an hour after I was given a bed, a man was admitted a few feet from me who was very aggressive with all of the nurses, screaming and cursing at them throughout the night. I was not allowed to eat or drink, given the possibility of surgery. I struggled to get any sleep in that environment and woke up the next morning feeling very lethargic.
The surgeon and resident came by my bed and we spoke briefly. The surgeon explained that while the condition was serious, if it continued to show up in my CT scans, they could do minimally invasive laparoscopic surgery to resect the piece of my bowel that was telescoped and stitch it back together. I feel they really downplayed the severity of this procedure. I will never forget them saying, “It’s such a small piece of your bowel, you won’t miss it.” They felt that since I was young and otherwise healthy, I should have no problem making a full recovery. I felt confident in the fact that I was speaking to the chief of surgery at the hospital, who has more than twenty years of experience in the field. Then they brought me for my second scan, and within a few hours I was told the intussusception had not resolved. I was admitted to a hospital room, and the resident came to discuss moving forward with the surgery. My first impulse was “absolutely not,” but I quickly second-guessed myself. Everything I saw in the limited research I was able to do on my phone stated that this was indeed a serious condition that warranted surgery. In that moment, it seemed like the reasons not to go through with it were somewhat vain, such as not wanting the scars and having to forgo lifting weights at the gym for some time. Though it didn’t quite make sense to me that they wanted to operate on the complete opposite side of my body from the one that was in pain and which brought me into the ER in the first place. When I asked the resident about this, he responded, “We don’t understand how referred pain works,” Okay, fair enough, I thought. More than anything, I thought that if a doctor was in front of me, telling me what was going on with my body was an emergency situation that warranted immediate surgery, I should probably listen to them. They’re the “experts,” after all. And given the state I was in, having been in the hospital for over 24 hours at that point, running on very little sleep and nothing to eat, I don’t think I really had the capacity to fully parse what was going on, but given the doctors level of concern, it seemed like I urgently had to make a decision. After about an hour of talking it over with my mother, even though I never had any pain in the area they were about to operate on, I signed the consent papers. (Biggest fucking mistake of my life) I remember they listed risks of things that could go wrong during or shortly after the surgery, such as infection, bowel perforation, etc. They did not mention the procedure’s possible long-term consequences, and neither the surgeon nor resident ever mentioned possible long-term complications, and I didn’t think to ask. I had no experience with this kind of thing whatsoever; I am not a doctor, I don’t know any doctors, and no one I know has ever had abdominal surgery… I was so naive to trust these people, but I did. In fact, I trusted them so much that I was not terribly scared of the procedure I was about to undergo. Again, I chalk that up to the reduced mental capacity I was in, given a tough overnight stay in the ER. I remember the adrenaline rush as I was wheeled down to the operating room. I was singing one of my favorite songs in my head, hyping myself up for the procedure ahead of me. The last thing I remember was one of the OR nurses telling my mother not to worry, that the surgeon was “the best,” and that they had even operated on her husband.
I woke up high as a kite. I heard one of the nurses say I had been given fentanyl, which I remember freaked me out; I had forgotten it is more than a street drug and actually has legitimate uses. The procedure had gone fine, and I was discharged only a day or two later, with my only guidance upon discharge being not to lift heavy objects and “take it easy,” I was in some pain, but it was to be expected at that point and was well controlled by combining Tylenol and Advil. The surgeon called later that week to inform me that the pathology report had come back and that the lead point was simply “some swollen lymph nodes,” I was relieved to hear that it was not cancer. At my follow-up appointment two weeks later, I reported feeling pretty much fine. I had been granted medical leave and short-term disability from my job for six weeks following the surgery. This was the full length of time after which the surgeons expected I would recover fully. I used the time off to hang out with friends and my boyfriend and to focus on finishing what would have been my final semester of school. Those were the last few weeks that I felt somewhat normal despite what I had just gone through. I had no idea what was about to come.
About 5 weeks post-op is when I first began experiencing worse pain deep in my abdomen, right where I had the surgery, plus the pain in my upper right abdomen had not gone away. This new pain is crampy, yet sometimes stabbing, and had seemed to worsen with activity; I have experienced it every single day, nearly every hour, to varying degrees, since the beginning of February. That was also when I began regularly bloating and having difficulty going to the bathroom. No matter how hard I try to push, I can’t fully evacuate my bowels. (This is a nightmare for someone who has receptive anal sex like I used to do regularly. It is now impossible). With the emergence of all these symptoms, I felt very, very scared that there was something else wrong with me. And, of course, this all happened in the week when I was set to return to work. I have a physically demanding customer service job, and I was in so much pain that I found it impossible to be nice to the customers or even stand, so I left and, thankfully, was allowed to take the rest of the week off to figure things out. I obviously called my surgeon, but it also prompted me to do deeper research into the complications that can develop following abdominal surgery. I began pouring over medical journals, trying to figure out what was going on in my body on my own. That was when I first learned about “surgical adhesions.” These are fibrous bands of scar tissue that can develop due to the incisions made during surgery and handling of the bowel. As your body heals from the trauma of surgery, this scar tissue forms and can cause your intestine to stick to other organs or structures in your body. According to medical literature, they form in 90% of all patients who undergo abdominal surgery, but not all adhesions cause complications like what I’ve experienced. They are not easy to diagnose as they are impossible to visualize on any imaging tests, they do not go away on their own (it’s scar tissue), and the only treatment is surgically cutting them apart, which is risky, given that there’s a strong chance they will just grow back and possibly be even worse. This was obviously terrifying to me, but when I asked the surgeon about this, they said, “There’s very little chance that’s what’s happening,” given that the procedure was laparoscopic, not open. I scheduled another appointment with them, wherein they seemed quite dismissive of my concerns. They said the pain was likely “incisional” (it wasn’t and isn’t) but that they would order another CT scan so we could see what was going on. They also wrote me a script for gabapentin, an anticonvulsant meant to prevent seizures that is used off-label to treat pain and anxiety, with the qualifier that they would not write a script for anything stronger, basically implying that I was seeking narcotics, which was not at all the case, and which I found extremely offensive.
My next CT scan was scheduled about a month following that appointment in early March. In the interim, I began taking the gabapentin. I used more than I was prescribed because it was the only way I was able to control the pain and allow myself to feel comfortable at work. I didn’t anticipate the changes it would cause to my mood and behavior. In addition to feeling depressed and scared, I was also becoming easily emotionally dysregulated in ways I believe I would have been able to control prior to taking the medication. But when I didn’t take it, I was in pretty bad pain almost all the time, and I didn’t understand why at that point. My boyfriend noticed these changes in my mood and decided he needed space from me to protect his emotional wellbeing. I didn’t blame him then, and I still don’t, but I miss him terribly. We were supposed to remain “friends,” and he at least pretended he wanted that for a bit of time. At that point, I became determined to ween myself off the gabapentin and continue to work on improving my mental and physical health, for myself, but also for him; as I said, I really loved him. Later that week, after we split, I had my CT scan, and the surgeon called to tell me that it looked like I was just constipated. They advised me to take Miralax daily to ease that constipation, which should hopefully make me feel better. To me, this seemed like a huge relief. I started taking the Miralax, and at that point, I started exercising and lifting weights again. I also started trying to bulk up again, which had been an important part of my fitness journey prior to the surgery.
So April rolls around, and I am still trying my best to resume my normal life, which felt possible again at that point. I did end up successfully weening myself off gabapentin. With this newfound reinvigoration, I attempted to get my boyfriend back. We would make plans, but then he would reschedule again and again. Eventually, he kept our plans, and we met up for a talk in the park. We obviously had a lot to talk about in our relationship, at which point he told me that he simply was not attracted to me anymore. This was devastating news, as that was the first time I realized it was really over. Before I had thought that if I could show him how much I was trying to get back to the place I was before the surgery, he would stick around, but that was the moment I realized it was impossible for him to see me in the light he once did. Nevertheless, I tried to push on, kept going to the gym, and kept trying to get my life back. I was still seeing my friends regularly, and I was able to push myself to get through work, even though it was painful and hard. Plus, I was still working on my degree despite not feeling able to give it my best effort and focus with everything going on. I was still motivated to keep going, and I thought things might improve from there.
Well, lo and behold, they did not. One day in early April, I was sitting on the couch, sort of mindlessly snacking on some almonds before I was set to go have drinks with friends and see a concert. Immediately afterward, I felt that pain again in my abdomen. Despite that, I was really excited to see my friends and see the show. We met at a bar, where I had three cocktails before we made our way to the venue. I drank one or two more while the opener played. But by the time the headliner came on, I ended up in so much pain that I told my friends quite regrettably that I had to leave. I walked home and ate a small snack, wrongfully thinking it might make me feel better, before popping a melatonin and heading to bed. I woke up around 2 AM in the most intense pain I have experienced both before and after the surgery. I was extremely bloated and unable to pass gas or move my bowels. I had read somewhere that this was a sign of bowel obstruction and that I needed to seek medical attention. I made the decision to go to the ER. I walked down the stairs to leave, and as I did, I felt myself begin to vomit. Thankfully I was able to make it to the sink as I puked up what I imagine was that snack I’d had before bed. Shortly after, I arrived at the ER, this time choosing a different facility from the one where the surgeon had dismissed all of my post-surgical concerns. I was quickly admitted and given another CT scan. They confirmed my bowel was obstructed and told me they would place a tube into my nose down to my stomach to try to pump some of the blockage out. I asked the ER doctor if I was going to need to have surgery, to which he replied, “It’s a strong possibility.” This was horrifying to me. Getting the tube inserted into my nose was so painful, and I was screaming in agony the entire time. Then they gave me morphine, and I passed out. The details and timeline of that hospital stay are somewhat hazy in my mind, but I ended up being there for four days, over which I was given a “gastro graph challenge” test, wherein I was instructed to drink a contrast element which would be visualized by a series of Xrays so the doctors could monitor if anything was passing through my intestines. I met with another surgeon, whom I found to be much more attentive than my prior one, or at least simply possessing superior active listening skills. In fact, I felt that all of the staff at this second hospital were a lot more sensitive to my needs than the first. I really wish I had gone there the first time, as it’s the best hospital in the city. Add that to my long list of mistakes… Anyway.
Despite her more positive demeanor, she recommended another emergency surgery, this time a laparotomy (open) surgery to resect my bowel a second time. Her hypothesis was that the anastomosis (the medical term for the connection formed between my bowel loops during the first surgery) could be too narrow to allow food to pass through properly. I asked this new surgeon if it was possible I had adhesions causing this problem, and unlike the last one, she said, “It’s possible,” especially given that these symptoms began emerging a few weeks after the first surgery. But, like I said, they don’t really know what’s going on until they cut you open and go in there. Given that I am now much more aware of the risks of surgery and the risks of having a second procedure, I was fervently against going under the knife again. I simply couldn’t handle it. So I opted for conservative management, which meant waiting it out, taking an enema, and eventually getting back on a liquid and then solid diet. Thankfully, sitting in the hospital being NPO (Latin for nil per os - “nothing by mouth”) and taking the gastro graph made it pass eventually, and I didn’t have to have a second surgery. I was discharged from the hospital with instructions to schedule another diagnostic test called a “small bowel series,” in which they use xrays to track the amount of time it takes liquid to pass through your digestive system and to start a “low residue” diet- meaning eating very little fiber. Suddenly gone from my diet are all of the fruits and vegetables I once loved, and I can’t eat nuts or seeds (It seems to me that those almonds caused the obstruction in the first place). Basically, I’m now forced to exist on a diet of the most processed foods imaginable because although they are demonstrably unhealthy, that is all that my body is now able to safely digest.
After leaving that second hospital stay, I proceeded to delve even further into research about not only long-term abdominal surgery complications such as adhesions but also the nature of adult intussusceptions in general. I once again started furiously googling, finding results from medical journals and personal accounts from Reddit. I came to the conclusion that intussusceptions in adults, while ostensibly serious, have a strong possibility of resolving on their own, especially when they present in the small bowel, in the absence of vomiting (I never vomited before going to the hospital in January), when there is no obvious lead point (they couldn’t see it on my scans) and there is no obstruction (I was never obstructed before the surgery). Furthermore, while intussusception does present with blood in the stool, it is usually described as “currant jelly stool” (something I don’t recommend you google because it looks atrocious), which is not even close to the trace amounts of blood I saw in my own stool. (But no one ever asked, so how would I know the difference?) I never experienced any pain whatsoever in the area of my small bowel before the surgery. And yet I was told by a doctor that I was experiencing a medical emergency, which might have been caused by some malignant growth, which scared the shit out of me and made me feel at the time that immediate action was necessary. At one point, I even found a paper that attributed intussusception to cannabis use, which I had engaged in that week. In these papers, the authors highlight that these intussusceptions were transient and did not require surgical intervention. And on the point of adhesions, they are not easily diagnosed, and they are not easily treatable without surgical intervention; and said intervention is a cache 22 scenario because every time you get cut open, you risk growing back even more adhesions.
With all of this knowledge, I became absolutely distraught. I was never informed that by having this procedure performed, I would be at this increased risk of experiencing bowel obstruction. Like most people, I literally had no idea what an “adhesion” even was. What made me lose hope the most was that it seems as if doctors do these surgeries and simply ignore adhesion as a consequence because they don’t have any feasible way to prevent it or treat it without potentially creating more adhesion. So, although I was released from the hospital having avoided a second surgery, I felt more lost and hopeless than ever. I simply couldn’t cope with the realization that this would be something I would deal with for the rest of my life, something I could’ve avoided had I never agreed to get the first surgery because although I had that original pain I mentioned earlier- which has still continued to this day, it wasn’t and isn’t anything close to how excruciating the obstruction was, and it wasn’t really disrupting my life in the way the post-surgical pain has. But under the guidance of doctors, I opted to permanently alter my body, and there’s no going back. I feel so incredibly stupid for being deceived by these “medical professionals” who didn’t take the time to understand what was actually going on with me and chose to take an overly aggressive course of action that has left me permanently altered, in pain, and completely diminished my quality of life.
That week after leaving the hospital was truly the most suicidal I have ever felt. As I mentioned, I’ve dealt with suicidal ideation on and off since my adolescence. I’ve always had latent thoughts about wanting to die, wanting to escape, feeling like I’m hopeless and there’s no use trying to better myself. But this time, the desire to end my life was so much more intense. I became extremely disassociated from everything in life. In that week following my second hospitalization, there was absolutely nothing that could bring me joy. Before the surgery, I used to find deep pleasure in simply walking around my neighborhood for at least an hour every day. But I couldn’t do it anymore because walking gives me time to think, and thinking is too painful. It always leads back to the realization of the way I am now. Nothing could make me smile or laugh. I couldn’t even listen to music, one of my favorite things in the world. I became completely devoid of all emotions as my research transitioned away from my various new ailments and into ways I could end my life.
The rest of April and May passed by in a blur. Over that time, I’ve had two more appointments with the surgeons I met at the second hospital, a small bowel study (a more in-depth series of x-rays tracking the transit time of liquid through the GI tract), and a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Those have not yielded any significant findings as to what is going on, making me believe even more that all of these problems are being caused by adhesions. However, the small bowel study did reveal that my stomach is slightly herniated, which I believe is the cause of the original pain that I sought care for in the first place. At my last appointment, I was told to see a “small bowel specialist” GI doctor. But that was three weeks ago, and I haven’t even been able to get an appointment with them. I’m on a waiting list, but I imagine I’m looking at many months before I can get an appointment. I don’t know what they’re going to do for me. I don’t know that there’s anything that can be done besides more surgery, and I am very fearful about that. I fear the only way that these fucking doctors who fucked me up in the first place are going to even try to help me is if I’m obstructed again. But the changes to my diet, as much as I hate them, have kept me in a more manageable amount of pain and out of the hospital for now.
It is now June, and I am shocked that I am still here and confused about what to do now. Despite the diet, I still feel pain and discomfort at some point in the day, every single day. I think about wanting this all to end all of the time. I have not attempted again, though I did pick up another nitrogen tank, and I’ve also stockpiled a 90 day supply of my antidepressant, so at least I have the option. I am drinking two bottles of wine or half a bottle of vodka nearly every night. Alcohol is the only thing that seems to quiet my thoughts enough to get through each evening. I am sitting here in a cycle where I think about doing it, but I still feel obligated to go to work, to see my friends, and to feed my cat. My life has continued, but I don’t feel like I’m living anymore; I merely exist. I feel extremely unattractive because although I look the same as I did on the outside, I’m overcome with never ending emotional pain and turmoil on the inside. I am now unable to take care of myself and be on top of my life the way I used to be. After the second hospitalization, I dropped out of school and have no plans to continue, as I won’t need a bachelor’s degree when I’m dead. I have stopped exercising altogether, as it feels like there’s no point in trying to improve or take care of a body that has been permanently broken. Through all of this, I’ve lost much of my confidence and I feel I have completely lost my identity. I miss that old me so much. I miss my boyfriend so much. Plans with my friends are sometimes the only thing that keeps me going, and I am extremely grateful for them, but despite their continued presence, I feel extremely isolated and lonely. It’s hard to explain what I’ve been through to people without the context of all that has happened. I don’t have the energy to share it with them. And I feel if I speak about what I’m going through, I will feel like a burden, killing the vibe, and I don’t want that.
I have never felt this alienated from my body and from everything in life. I cannot cope with the fact that things will never be how they were before. I feel so incredibly distraught that I threw away what was shaping up to be the best days of my life. There’s nothing I or anyone else can do to change what has happened to me. It took me such a long time to get to the place I was in before the surgery. It was a brief and beautiful couple of months, but it’s over, and there’s no way for me to return. Even if there was, I don’t have that much of a fight left in me. I feel like such a fucking idiot for allowing the doctors to do this to me. I look around at all the happy people around me and know that I am dragging them down with my depression. I am tired of feeling helpless and like a burden on everyone I love. I am a shell of the person I once was. Ending it all is the singular thing that’s in my control. It is the only way to end all of this pain and suffering and stop the concern and confusion of my loved ones. I know that my exit will be painful to them, but they will all get over it in time. But me? I don’t think I will ever get over this. I will never be able to accept this horrible choice that I made. I am so tired of living this way. I am supposed to turn 27 soon, but I really don’t want to live to see my birthday. I have nothing to celebrate. My life is completely, irreversibly fucked. I don’t know when I will go, but it will be sooner rather than later. I am so sorry to everyone. I know this will hurt. I just can’t go on living this way. To all the people I care about, know that I love you, and I am so thankful you were part of my life. I know you will all go on to do great things without me. This entire saga has been unbearable; my life has spun out of control, and suicide is the only way to end my suffering. I’m sorry. I’m signing off.
TL;DR: Doctors performed a surgery I now think was unnecessary and the complications make me want to kill myself.

So I inherited this Honda from my great grandfather. I got it with 100,000 miles on it, and after getting a little work done on it it is all I need as a young adult. There is one problem, however, and I can't figure out how to fix it. When I drive I always have music playing, and the speakers are weird.
So I replaced the fuse for the car audio, which also includes the display showing up with the time. It is a 10A fuse, and I bought a whole pack just for this. After a day or two the fuse would stop working, and the speakers shut off. Pull out the fuse and put it back in and the speakers start working for a shorter amount of time. I kept doing that until the fuse actually blew, and now I am all out of fuses. Genuinely don't know how to fix this, and can't find anything online.

I’m 35 years old and after my divorce I’ve been struggling so badly. I am an LPN. I make about 25$ an hour and work 40 hours a week so I’m netting about 1500 a paycheck (bi-weekly). I’m in school online for my RN bridge program and don’t qualify for any financial aid. Tuition expenses are coming from my pocket and my boyfriend’s pocket (whom lives with me). I have a 17 year old daughter who has a part time job. She is saving for a car. I have a 500$ car payment, 160$ electricity, 80$ cable internet, 120 cell phone, 60$ water, 80$ gas, 150$ credit cards, 50$ meds, 200$ carenters insurance. Rent is 1500. I split rent and utilities with my boyfriend. I just feel like I’m drowning. I have barely any money left for food or extras. How can I actually save money? Is it possible?

I’ve been having a lot of concerns with SNHU as a new admission. The communication in the beginning (the actually getting me to apply part) was so good. I felt very confident in applying. I was mostly switching to this school to save money and have a “easier“ workload. And before anyone jumps on me, my “easier” really just means not having proctored exams because I cannot cope with them lol
Anyway, now that I’ve been accepted (a few MONTHS ago), getting anything rolling past that has been… impossible. Financial Aid office apparently won’t get to my package until September which is… fine… I guess I’ll just start then. Besides that, I’m having a hard time even figuring out where to go to look at any sort of progress on my admissions. I can’t even login to the online student portal, I get an error every time about a one time login issue that no one seems to know how to resolve. Then when I was talking to Financial Aid to see where the ball was because they kept sending me emails saying I had unresolved documents but the financial aid portal was saying otherwise, they revealed to me that I need to talk to someone in admissions because apparently I hadn’t even been “matriculated into a program” with SNHU (I don’t even know what that means! Lol)
Idk, this process has just been feeling like an extremely slow mess to me. I’m very concerned. I’m transferring from ASU online and they do have their own flaws of course, as does every college, but they at least have a decent student portal and people to talk to so I can keep track of everything going on and not feel like I’m just sitting in limbo waiting for something to happen… wondering if I’m making a mistake by transferring and if I should just turn back before it’s too late, or just wait it out because maybe the classes will make it worth it come September (hopefully my financial aid is done by then, and I’m “matriculated into a program”)

Hello and I hope you’re having a great day! I took ap lit last year and scored a 5 and got an a in the class. I just thought I’d share some of my favorite tips for annotating books/plays for ap lit. Hopefully this can help you a bit with summer reading or the class itself. There are obviously a ton of different ways to annotate so I’ll just be sharing my top tips on how to do it effectively!
Before annotating/reading:
My first step before I start annotating is to do some research into the themes of the story and maybe some major symbols/motifs. This will help you prepare to read the novel and notice these things from the start instead of having to go back and re annotate the first part of the story.
Another thing I’ve found helpful is to read around 25-50 pages before I begin annotating so I can familiarize myself with the basic characters and the authors writing style.
The final thing I do before actually reading and annotating is research the authors life and the time period in which the book was published. Context and chronology is especially important for books that center around society and/or politics. This background research can really help you deepen your understanding of the story as a whole especially the characters and themes.
Creating an annotation system:
This section will basically just give some suggestions for how you might actually annotate in practicality but please feel free to change and adapt this to fit what works best for you. So for me when I annotate I use a combination of pens, tabs, sticky notes, and highlighters. These items are by no means a necessity so just use whatever you have lying around.
I usually prefer underlining to highlighting as I find it looks neater and less overwhelming. I use multicolored pens to denote different things. This is adapted slightly for every book I read but I’ll share some of the most common categories I use. I almost always have a color for characters/character development, one for use of language, one for themes, one for plot, and one for motifs and symbols.
In addition, I also highlight occasionally but this is usually to mark very key quotes or lines that I know I’ll want to remember and will help me either for in class essays or for the final exam.
I mostly just write my notes in the margins but if there isn’t enough space then I’ll just use a sticky note for notes and analysis.
Finally, I also use little sticky tabs. I personally don’t color code mine, instead I’ll just use them to mark the most key scenes, pages, and plot points.
In practice:
So now that you’ve created your system however you choose to do so, it’s time to start annotating.
My number one tip is to just start. It might not look the nicest or be completely perfect from the start but with trial and error you’ll find a system that works really well for you!
My second tip is to not worry too much if you are doing it right. It’s your book and you decide what works best for you. Most people either over or under highlight when they start off and that’s totally fine! Just keep doing it and you’ll eventually figure it out.
My third tip is to write down/screenshot some of the key quotes and annotations for each theme and character. Put these online or in a notebook but make sure it stays decently organized because these quote + analysis banks will save you when writing essays in class and when preparing for the ap exam.
That’s all I have to say but please let me know if you have any questions or need any help! I’m sure you all will do super well in the class and on the exam :)

I'm noticing that a lot of people are selling rugs online without absolutely any sort of quality standard to their rugs..
Like I get everyone wants to join in on the fun and money making but seriously?
If you cant properly trim your backing so that it lines up neatly with your rug edge, as opposed to having it look like a grade school kid just learnt how to use scissors
if you cant properly space your tuft lines so I don't see through the yarn and see your cloth
If you don't use quality backing material or quality glue.
If you don't use Twill tape to cover up your un even backing.
If you have un even or wavy lines, poor trimming, or other quality issues.
Like I've literally seen so many people in this community talking about they wanna sell their rugs and shit and when I look at the rug I feel like 90% are NOT qualified to be sold and youre just saturating the market with your rugs, making it hard for people who ACTUALLY BUY QUALITY MATERIALS and use them properly to craft their rugs.
As a community we need to get together and form a sort of standard that everyone who wants to sell their rug can adhere to or be left behind.
If we don't do this eventually people will see that they can get away with selling their rugs for a high price but use cheap shitty materials and who's gonna know the difference?

With thanks to all who helped create this guide!
This event will run from Friday, June 7 until 20:00 GMT on Monday, June 10; to participate you will need version 11.5.0 or later, at least 100 dragon power, and a high quality, stable internet connection.
Please keep event-specific questions and discussions in this thread; good luck and happy merging!
 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Event Notes

• This is considered one of the most player-friendly layouts, with no Infinite Harvestable lock, and no dead land behind any lock.
• However, getting the fast dragon first is not possible.

Elsewhere in the Game:

• A free, event-related trophy breed egg can be claimed from the game’s online store for a limited time.
• A free official Merge Dragons giveaway is going on through June 10. (Link)
• A second edition of the beta Tower Rush mini-event is being tested by a small number of randomly chosen players this weekend, in addition to the normal event that’s open to everybody. (Link to info post)
• A new feature called Dragonia Kingdoms (Marketplace) has been released to a very small number of beta testers. (Link 1, Link 2)
• A new player-vs-player mini-event called “Race Event” is out for beta-testing to a very small number of users. (Link 1), (Link 2), (Link 3), (Link 4)
• Popular Links:
  • Dens List
  • Friend Tag Exchange
  • 2024 Event Schedule

 

LINK TO DRAGON BOAT IMAGE GUIDE

Tap the link above to open the Image Guide as a Google Slides document; it can be saved as a pdf for viewing elsewhere.

1. Cloud Key Map
2. Cloud Key Chart
3. Tile Healing Map
4. Infinite Harvestables Map
5. Event Quests Chart
6. Event Rewards Chart

 

CLOUD KEY LIST

^{Tap a key item to go to its wiki page for more info and hi-def images}

• L0 Life Essence (clear)
• L2 Life Flower (clear)
• L3 Twin Flowers (clear)
• L4 Bushy Autumn Tree (clear)
• L4 Three Graces (clear)
• L8 Ancient Columns (clear)
• L5 Mystical Autumn Tree (clear)
• L5 Moonflower (clear)
• L9 Golden Columns (clear)
• L7 Fancy Autumn Tree (clear)
• L10 Smallest Temple in the World (clear)
• L8 Happy Panda Lamp (clear)
• Tanzanite Mystery Nest (clear)
• Golden Capsule (clear)
• Fallen Star (clear)

 

EVENT-SPECIFIC CHAINS

• Point items: Mystic Lanterns
• Infinite harvestables/Generators: Spiritual Trees
• Consumable/Limited Harvestables: Lucky Statues
• Event Chests: Special Chests

 

EVENT QUESTS

• 1.1 Merge 5 of Anything — 150 times
• 1.2 Creat a Level 7 Point Item (Sensous Swan Lamp) — 5 times
• 1.3 Harvest from a Level 3 Consumable Harvestable (Noble Dragon Statue) — 75 times
• 2.1 Harvest from a Twin Life Flower — 200 times
• 2.2 Harvest from Dead Plants — 75 times
• 2.3 Create a Life Orb of the Heavens — 3 times
• 3.1 Heal Land — 35 tiles
• 3.2 Have Healed Land — 350 tiles
• 3.3 Have Healed Land — 675 tiles
• 3.4 Heal All the Land — 861 tiles

 

EVENT POINT REQUIREMENTS

• Prize 1: 3 pts (3 total)
• Prize 2: 22 (25)
• Prize 3: 235 (260)
• Prize 4: 420 (680)
• Prize 5: 640 (1,320)
• Prize 6: 960 (2,280)
• Prize 7: 4,470 (6,750)
• Prize 8: 5,400 (12,150)
• Prize 9: 6,570 (18,720)
• Prize 10: 11,230 (29,950)

 

FEATURED REWARDS

^{A = featured in Arcadia; S = Shiny capable; N = New}

• Main trophy breed: Turtle (AS)
• Secondary trophy breed: Fiesta
• Tertiary breed: Sharp
• Event Trophy Item: Artful Bonsai Tree
  • Spawned eggs: Deer (AS)
  • Tappables: Turtle (AS)

 

RUSH REWARDS

^{Note: Rewards shown are for Event Portal Level 16}

• Legend (under 12 hours)
  • Main Breed: 20x nests, 5x L1, 5x L2, 3x L3, 3x L4
  • Secondary Breed: 20x nests, 5x L3, 3x L4
  • Tertiary Breed: 7x L2
  • 3x L4 Fruit Trees
• Champion (under 24 hours)
  • Main Breed 1: 11x nests, 6x L1, 5x L2, 3x L3
  • Secondary Breed: 9x nests, 2x L3, 1x L4
  • Tertiary Breed 3: 12x L2
  • 2x L4 Fruit Trees, 1x Super Egg Fragment
• Hero (under 36 hours)
  • Main Breed: 5x nests, 4x L1, 3x L2, 3x L3
  • Secondary Breed: 5x nests, 3x L3
  • 1x L4 Fruit Tree, 1x L2 Hill, 1x Super Egg Fragment

 

EVENT FAQs

• The Event Shop and Capsules appear after you’ve healed 30-70 tiles; after that a free Bronze Capsule can be collected every 3 hours.
• It takes 5 or 6 level 9 Life Orb of the Heavens to clear all the 5k+ land, depending on how much you heal by merging items off dead land.
• To collect both the full set of Points Prizes and any level of Rush Rewards, you will need to earn 29,950 points.
  • Reaching this amount requires 1x Level 9 points item, 1x L8 item, 2x L7 items, and 2x L6 items (or just aim for 2x L9 points items).
• There’s always enough material to merge by 3s when making Key items.
• Caves must be tapped to spawn a Zomblin; only one event Zomblin lives in each cave, and it turns into Stinky Cheese when killed.
• The Gold Capsule, Fallen Star, and Tanzanite Nest are hiding near the far edge of the map, on tiles requiring 50k energy to heal.
• Infinite Harvestables:
  • There are usually 9x Level 1, 3x L2, 1x L3, 2x L4, and 2x L5 Infinite Harvestables (Spiritual Trees) on the map; you can delete one level 1 and one level 2 and still have enough to make a level 6, as long as you 5-merge whenever possible.
  • Note: No Infinite Harvestables are used as keys in this event.
• Consumable/Limited Harvestables:
  • Each 1x2 Noble Dragon Statue can be harvested 25 times; 75 total harvests are needed to complete Quest 1.3.
  • Each harvest of the big 2x2 Grinning Buddha at the back of the map yields a 10% chance of spawning an extra Noble Dragon Statue.
  • Once all available Noble Dragon Statues and the Grinning Buddha are gone, there is no way to get more.
• Strategy advice:
  • Spending money or gems is NEVER required to complete an event, nor is using an auto-clicker or other exploits.
  • The number and level of possible reward items is determined by your Event Portal level; working to raise that to its maximum of L16 is one of the best ways to boost your overall progress in the game
  • A good basic introduction to events is available here on the Fandom Wiki; there’s also some Wiki event guides and tips articles here and here, and a whole collection of general guides and tutorials here
  • Additional general event strategy advice (active vs passive or idle play, etc) can be found in the Community FAQ and in these threads: Link 1, Link 2, Link 3, and Link 4.
  • For active players wanting more dragons, the Prism Flower method is a good option: Link 1, Link 2, Link 3. Note: this technique is only for active play; since only 2 dragons at a time will harvest when left on their own, having more will actually slow down idle harvesting.
  • A recently shared strategy using the Hills chain here can greatly increase Life Flower production, but it usually takes a few gems (maximum of 80, but less if you get some in capsules)
• Chinese New Year event theme’s main wiki page.
• Previous Similar Events:
  • August 2023 - Dragon Boat
  • January 2023 - Year of the Rabbit
  • October 2022 - Dragon Boat
  • August 2022 - Dragon Boat
  • May 2022 - Dragon Boat
  • January 2022 - Year of the Tiger

 
REMINDER: Before closing your game, or when moving from the event level to your camp, always exit to the World Map screen and pause there until everything’s fully loaded to trigger the game to save your progress.
 

EVENT TROUBLESHOOTING

If the event is not showing up correctly or if glitches are affecting your play:

1. Check that you meet the version and dragon power requirements.
2. Try hard-closing and then relaunching your game.
3. Try rebooting your device (ie, turn it completely off, then back on and allow it to fully boot up before relaunching the game). If you are on wifi and have access to the router, try rebooting that, too.
4. Try switching to a completely different internet source.
5. Try clearing your game’s cache (google for instructions for your specific phone type).
6. If you’re suddenly experiencing multiple issues like lagging or error messages (or if the event vanishes completely), close the game and try again after 2-3 hours. Events are internet-based, and sometimes issues with the servers can cause temporary problems — all we can do for that is to wait it out.
7. If none of the above helps, contact Gram Games Support through the in-game link or the Support Web Portal for help figuring out what’s wrong.

• NOTE: Cloud Save is still unreliable: according to the developer, it is not safe to be used and should be left turned off.
• NOTE: Saving your Progress: Make sure to save your progress by traveling to the World Map screen (and waiting there until everything’s fully loaded) regularly, and especially before closing your game.
• Glitch: Missing sell/delete option If your task bar is missing the option to delete dimension jars or other items, you can start with the standard troubleshooting methods; if those don’t trigger a fix, replaying a few levels or working in your camp for a while have reportedly helped.
• Glitch: Event level only shows clouds If your event screen shows only clouds instead of the map, check that you are zoomed all the way out. If you are and it still won’t show, try collecting one of the free Bronze Capsules (you may need to wait for the timer to count down).
• Glitch: Missing rewards/Game crashes after collecting rewards Exiting directly from the event level to your Camp can trigger a crash and loss of items; always exit to the World Map screen first — and pause there until everything’s fully loaded — to trigger the game to save your progress, then enter your Camp.

edits are on-going

I (31F) have been with my partner(34M) since i was 18, we had a really rough start but i was in love so i stayed. fast forward 10 years we have 2 kids and he's been super good to me. we have a great relationship minus some values are differing and sometimes we dont see eye to eye, i assume this is the case with 90% relationships. Our living situation is difficult, we live in a very expensive city and live with my parents to save money. we have space most of the time since it's a bigger house but still having our own space would be great.
There havent been many downs since then and despite being together so long, he recently proposed to me after i emphasized that if we're not married by the time im 30 or if hes not making a move towards it, i will move on. So within the last year, he proposed. I wasnt too impressed because it took so long.
some insight also: I also just weaned my 2nd baby and my hormones are all out of wack. i havent felt attractive in 2 years and it's only now that i am starting to feel like myself again after having kids. its been a wild ride of self love and self discovery. i literally never go outside since my work is mostly remote and when i do its not for self care time or quality time with my friends, i actually dont have much of that due to lack of childcare. so im not sure if it's the hormones and lack of society can be causing this too.
I work mostly online and a coworker (idk his age, he's likely younger than me) has reached out to me via slack video chat a few times and every time we get a little bit closer and still, we only talk during work hours but we do get off topic sometimes and discuss regular life things. He sometimes will call me for trivial things and we just talk and i just feel there is a chemistry between us, a very strong one, and i also find him ridiculously attractive. i havent found anyone this attractive since my partner and i catch myself just deeply infatuated. He recently asked for my number for something very platonic but we havent talked outside of work still. It's not so much the relationship between him and I its more so my feelings towards him that I'm worried about. I have a major crush on him, i find myself lusting, thinking about him often, very often and wondering if he feels the same. The last interaction we had, we stayed 20 mins past work to chat and the chemistry was so strong (for me atleast) Mind you, this man has given me no signs that he likes me besides calling me for smaller things and then staying to chat after which im not even sure if thats considered a sign or if my mind is playing tricks on me.
I feel awful, i feel selfish and i feel stupid and like i'm losing my mind. i already feel like im cheating emotionally and i just want to be able to get over this. i cant pursue it, it will be so messy and im sure many people will get hurt. It makes me reconsider if i do really love my partner because i feel in love with him but I never felt this way about anyone, it makes me wonder if i've settled and called it love sometimes. Any feedback/advice at all, or any advice on how to get over crush or move on from this would be helpful.
TL;DR - Have very strong crush/feelings of infatuation with my coworker despite only speaking a few times, been with partner + father of my 2 kids for 12 years, recently got engaged to him (don't get me started on that) and I don't want to ruin my life as it is.