For context, last week, my mother found this little guy on the floor outside, very far away from the nearest tree, and to be honest she felt bad and brought it home,
I been the only one taking care of him, feeding cleaning, etc., my brother actually named him Rocky
When Rocky came into my house, it was more of a nestling because he was still without most of the feathers, i found this video about how to feed it and the time frame to do it, I've been following that video's advice and fortunately my bird became a fledgling. one of the things that i could notice about Rocky was that he has a bad feet, he can't move it. Yesterday, my bird floated and i feel like at any moment he will start flying and i want to be ready.
So my questions are,

• what do i need to do?
• Should i set him free or keep him?
• I'm still feeding him the same but when do i need to change his diet?
• What does he eat?'
• What's his species?

As you can see i know next to nothing, and i don't know if i'm doing a good job raising him or if i shouldn't be doing that
Any advice, help or information is more than welcome
This is Rocky
https://preview.redd.it/c92xlltdv83d1.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=68742d0714f5aa890b1609f833e44b38366e3cc8
https://preview.redd.it/npbecltdv83d1.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=01352802f0871c6f726ca0d3336ae495e86e5c65
This is his bad foot

TW: Emotional Abuse, Abandonment, Suicide
I'm 31 and disabled. Not so much that I couldn't work, but after a life that's torn me down, and made me figure everything out from the start, I can't take care of myself at this moment. So I live with my.. mother…
Growing up she was my hero. Looking back that was mainly by default. Daddy was scary so the bar was pretty low, and she had this “bubblyness” to her that I didn't see from anyone else in my life. I eventually found it was completely inauthentic, but an abused and neglected child didn't know any better at the time.
That bubblyness was intoxicating. I could tell myself it felt like love, and I would patiently wait for the next time I got to experience it. And wait.. I did… When I was 7 years old, she abandoned us with our dad.. and never owned up to it… For a time she tried to do the every-other-weekend thing, but over a few years she had given up entirely and settled into her routine. Four or five times a year, she would pick us up, and take us to her sister's for some holiday gathering. She was already going there anyway, and it only added about another 30min each way to pick us up. So for a meer 4-5 hours a year, she never has to admit she abandoned us!!!
That's what I thought a mom was. Someone you saw on the holidays. Someone you liked not because she took an interest in my life (no one in my family did), or taught you anything (no one in my family did), or helped me with my problems (no one in my family did), but just because she pretended to be nice to me. At the time I thought Mommy was just an addition to my life. I didn't think I was paying anything for those scraps of attention. But I did, didn't I? Instead of spending the rest of my childhood looking for the love I was denied, I threw it all away thinking I had what I needed. Mommy said she loved me? That means something right? She was just too busy, always working. I can know that for certain because she told me.. right? I didn't need any more love, I just needed to wait, and one day.. Mommy will finally have time for me.. right?
This continued until I was about 20. My father conceded the house to my stepmom, and not feeling safe alone with her, I moved in with my mom. I was so excited! It wasn't as comfortable as accommodations, but I finally got my Mommy back! Right? Now she won't need time for me because I'll be right there! I can't remember how long it took to hate it there. Probably not long, but realizing it did. At first I noticed how everything sucked, and she was kind of annoying. House is a mess, we're quite poor, but despite that she refuses any significant help. I think nothing of it. I also noticed a lot of her talking AT me. I feel wrong for finding her annoying.
Eventually I get a medical condition, and afterwards I think things are different. Mommy is taking care of me and it feels like love again! And after moving in with her, this is when I made my next biggest mistake. Looking back I can see I was being infantilized. She wanted to “take care” of everything for me. She wanted to keep me fed and housed and.. drive me places. Ooh and she gives me cannabis too! What more could I ask for? I sat on my computer for a year or two straight, until I eventually messed up both of my wrists (permanently I think?). And my mental health has tanked after literally playing video games for a year straight. So now I'm extra disabled and I've never felt like more of a burden. Every day I waited for my mom to get rid of me.. but it never happened…
Things shift around a bit, but eventually something happens to establish how things are now. My brother takes his own life, and I start to make sense of things… For the months following, she's the center of everyone's attention, including mine. Everyday I try my hardest to keep her together, as do all her friends. I didn't have friends at the time, still don't. Everyday she drinks and smokes all her problems away, and leaves what's left for me to address. Then she just puts the grief away. She got all she needed, so who else would need any?
By the time that happened, I had begun to realize what was up around here. It started with hearing how she screamed at, and blamed my brother's closest friend for his passing. Something I remember her admitting proudly. She also mentioned some pretty obvious signs of depression in my brother (I wasn't around at the time), specifically so she can dismiss them as completely normal. She also mentioned how as soon as he moved into his house, he invited her and told her she could stay as long as she needed (was staying with friends at the time), and how she made sure he knew she'd be gone as soon as she could.
Then.. she finally said something about abandoning us… “You don't know how worthless he made me feel”. ‘He’ being my father. The one I was raised by for like 20 years. Since then she's periodically brought the subject back up so she can complain about how hard it was for her, and how sorry she feels for him, all while having no interest in hearing anything I have to say about any of it. Not about how being abandoned feels. Not about growing up with my father. Not about my disabilities. Not about my brother. Not about my lack of friends. Not about my dreams. Not about anything.. Just like always…
She also drove me home drunk twice during this time. I was 28 at the time so I guess I should have been able to get myself around. But like.. I was 28 and if you're too drunk to give me a ride.. I can just figure something out. The second time, the whole ride she said “I'm a good driver” over and over again, while constantly veering to the right…
Eventually things “go back to normal”. Except now I kind of hate her. She admitted to my face that she's never thought about me in any way at all. That should be enough to turn me against her. But it's not. Nothing is… I'm so much more aware of how she always gets to say what's on her mind but acts like she's doing me a favor when she never gives me space to talk. “I don't want to pry”, she says. I notice how when she has a problem, she can cry hysterically until someone takes care of it for her.. and when I have a problem, she can cry hysterically until I bottle it up for her. Everything she says is the kind of small talk she could make with anyone, trauma dumping, or just being insecure. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry, she wants everyone to know.
Her life is miserable, she's miserable, I'm miserable, my siblings have always been miserable when they were around (one of em ded). At this point it's mainly just the two of us, with a younger sibling stopping by from time to time. But no matter what, no matter how bad things get, no matter how much free time I have, she's never once accepted any substantial help, and after getting my physical disabilities, she's literally rejected every bit of help I've ever offered. “No it's too hard for you”, “No you don't want to”, “No I have to do it”. Every single time. And when I offer to not just help with a task, but to take over a responsibility (like doing the dishes) she gets literally upset with me. Like I'm just telling her she's not good enough.
The house is a mess and things keep falling apart. We've needed a new fridge for months. I mentioned looking into finding one, she tells me her friends offered to get her one for her birthday. The very next day she says she's just going to have her friend get her something small, and she'll just get a miniature fridge herself. A month later still no fridge (after months prior of no fridge). It always plays out like this. She IS NOT doing the things, and if ever pressed she'll just say she's worthless and can't do anything. She DOES NOT want help with the things, and if ever pressed she'll just say she has to do everything. But the only way the problems get resolved is by other people taking care of them for her. It's like she's just creating plausible deniability for when people eventually take care of her. Her mother spent her final 10-15 years a complete burden on the family…
I can't have any wants or needs or hopes or dreams, because my mother decided she's the only one that can provide for me (remember it's too hard for me), but she can't provide for me (remember she keeps saying she's worthless), and so if I ever want anything more than the nothing she offers me, I'm just attacking her for not being good enough. Even though I don't want her to do anything other than let me have responsibilities so I can learn responsibilities so I can eventually learn to take care of myself. Or just don't discourage me, just leave me alone lady!
Every time I want a job she has to discourage me. When I moved out for a few months she discouraged me the entire time, and when I moved back in, the first thing I heard was “I'm so glad your back, I was so lonely”. I've asked her to not buy me junk food because it's bad for my illness and I have self control problems. “If you didn't eat junk food you won't get enough to eat”, she says, never once researching my illness (Junk food is basically negative calories for me). And I'm just wrong. Always wrong. Every idea I have, every suggestion I have, every thought I have, every feeling I have is wrong.. unless it's the one she wants me to have.
The only time I get to talk is when I'm playing along with what she's talking about. If not, she'll just shut me down, or wear her disinterest on her sleeve. I almost never respond when she talks at me, but that just means she has permission to talk as much as she wants. And if I try to say something about any of this she'll just cry. The only thing I can do is avoid her, when my life completely depends on her right now. And the moment I'm in the room with her, she just dumps out the contents of her head until I hide back in my room. Luckily she's not here most of the time, but the beginning and end of every day.. I can just feel her presence through the walls.
There's not much left to say at this point. What makes things worse is I live in a town that's a logistical impossibility for me, and the only way I could better myself here, is with the help she prides herself on denying me. It feels like she wants to just trap me here. To use me as her therapist to take care of her feelings, and to tell herself she's oh so important for taking care of me, when every day my physical and mental health is worse than the last, while she thinks I can just live off scraps and stare at the wall all day every day. Like it has been every day since I've moved in with her.
She's always the victim. She's always doing as much as she can. It's always impossible for her to take care of the important things (like raising her kids) but actually that's a good thing because they can figure it out, and besides, she doesn't want to pry. Everyone makes her feel worthless by listening to her when she says not to help her or spend time with her, instead of reading her mind and figuring out what she really wants. The only consistency to her, is everything can be traced back to the ego, but always in the worst ways. Protecting the ego isn't protecting your children from their abusive father, it's acting like it never happened to she never has to feel shame. Everything that feeds her ego is bad for everyone, and I can't take it anymore…
I plan to be homeless. I need to get better to be able to take care of myself, but I need to get away from her and here before I can get better. I have nowhere else to go, no one to turn to, probably too old to be a live-in twink for some friendly pervert (transfem but I'm early in my transition so I'm still pretty boymode), although literally everyone tells me I look a lot younger…
I need to get away from her, if it's the last thing I do. Even if I don't make it, it'll be worth it. But ya know what? I'm probably a boss ass baddie and she's just threatened by me. I bet as soon as I get away from her I'm gonna start realizing my potential. Because SHE'S the one that's always been wrong.. Not me…
Thank you for your time! Feel free to respond in any way that isn't mean!

I recently purchased a rowhome in Pennsylvania with a 1-car garage on the first floor. I am renting out the garage under a 6-month lease. The lease has no early termination clause. The third floor of the home is undergoing renovations, and the contractor revealed last-minute that they need access to the garage off and on throughout the next month. I offered the following possibilities to the tenant:

• They could not pay rent for the month.
• We could end the lease early so they can find another parking spot.
• They could continue paying rent and I could pay for a spot in a garage for the month.

The tenant accepted none of these options and threatened legal action. After relaying that to the contractor, they said they'd make it work, but I'm worried that other things may come up: construction doesn't always go as planned. (Had I known this might be an issue, I wouldn't have rented out the garage.)
Questions:

• I want to find an equitable solution for the tenant if the contractor does indeed need garage access. Are there other possible solutions?
• What is my exposure? For example, would I be liable for the value of the remainder of the lease ($1,600)? More?

Not finished yet but nearly done just need to know if it's decent.
Spider-Man VS The Punisher
A man walking his footsteps sounds like mini explosions as a row of computers with people typing on them. The man stops upon a window looking down to a glass cage with yellow electricity emerging from it.
“He's here, he's taking us all out. We need back up. Noooo.” The man looks at one of the scientists saying “wait for him to get here.” The man cleans up his suit and tightens his tie.
“Ohhh you're getting dressed up just for me. I shoulda brought flowers.” The man looks up where he sees a man in a red and blue webbed suit. “I should have killed you years ago. Well after today you will be.” “We both know that's not going to happen Willy. I'll arrest you and you'll escape, Rinse and repeat, it's always been like that.” The man grinds his teeth and grips his hands. “Unleash him.” the scientist looks at him and then at the computer pressing a button.
“Unleash him Fisk are you cheating on me with another hero.” as he says this a bolt of lightning strikes through the glass levitating in front of him. “You must be Spiderman. I'm electro, the man that's been tasked to kill you.” Spider-Man whispers to himself. “This guy's making my spider sense go crazy. I don't think this will go well.” he coughs then says. “Shouldn't you be at the circus.” Electro looks at Fisk and says “Leave Mister Fisk now.” Fisk and the scientists walk out into an elevator. “Don't disappoint me Max.” The elevator goes up with Spider-Man and Electro looking at each other “So electricity man are we gonna start.” He looks down to his hands where they start to glow brighter with electricity shooting out. BANG electricity shoots out his hand Spider-Man just dodging it. BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG Spider-Man narrowly dodges the bolts. He creates a continuous line of lightning towards Spider-Man. Cracking Peter tries to dodge it but fails on the ground Peter feels his muscles shut down. Electro walks over to him, shocking him again. “Ahhhhhhh.” He stops Spider-Man trying to crawl away BANG “AHHHHHH.” An alarm goes off as sprinklers also go off hitting Electro causing him to grunt.
Spider-Man using this crawls up a wall into a vent leaving the building Spider-Man takes off his mask feeling the rain hit his face. He hears Fisk talking to Electro below. “Is the job done.” “No, he escaped. The sprinklers set off burning my skin.” “You let him escape. I gave you one job and failed me." Electro looks at him sternly saying “Mister Fisk you gave me these powers and you want me to kill Peter I will. You know where he lives, I can go over there and kill him and his family.” “You will do no such thing. He will not try to kill us if we just go after him he won't understand.” Electro nods and walks away with an umbrella.
Spider-Man looks at his web shooters. “Great, they're gonna have to get the train. May's gonna kill me when I get back.”
Brooklyn, New York, 21:32
“PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T DO IT. I HAVE A FAMILY LOOK. PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING. WHAT DO YOU WANT MONEY, POWER.” A man shouts breaking down in fear of whoever is trying to kill him. “I want to know why you do it. Why commit crime when there's hundreds of heroes. I think I know why though. They won't kill, they won't just take the godam leap and end you scumbags. So I chose to do it myself.” The man says in a deep voice wrapping a cord around his neck. He picks him up, showing him a fifteen floor drop. “No, no, please don't do this.” He starts to cry as looks at him blankly, throwing off the building with him screaming for about three seconds till the man hears a snap. “Good Riddens.”
Queen's, New York, 9:29 pm
Walking into a house a teenager walks in “Peter where have y- My god what happened to you?” Peter looks at his aunt and says “Some people tried to rob me, it's alright May.” “Did they take anything? Did you call the police.?” “No and no May I'm fine May.” He looks at May. “I'll call the police.” “DON'T. I never saw what they really looked like, you'll just waste their time.” She looks at him saying “From now on you'll be back before it gets dark.” Peter nods “Now Peter time for your cake Happy Eighteenth Peter.” Peter looks at a cake with candles on it. He blows them out “Thanks May I'm just gonna go to my room I've had a ruff day.” May looks at him. “Are you sure you don't want some cake I've made? It's your favourite.” “I'll have some tomorrow really.” Peter walks up to his room turning on the TV playing the daily bugle. “Today Spider-Man failed to capture this so-called Lizard. I think he's just too lazy to put in any work. When the police lose a suspect their back on the streets trying to find him but Spider-Man swip swap swoops his way down and destroys peoples properties.” Peter looks at it in a rage “People would have died if i wasn't there yet I don't get thanked but hated. Why do I do this?” He looks at the picture next to his bed of him and uncle Ben. The time when he didn't worry if Aunt May would see him tomorrow. If she'll be targeted by villains. “Ben would call me stupid for doing something like this. Even more stupid I was responsible for his death. I couldn't just tell him where I was, I just had to storm out. He goes looking for me and ends up getting shot. I'm sorry Ben.”
Manhattan, New York, 06:34
“What will it be?” “Coffee, milk and two sugars.” She turns around and the man looks at his watch as he checks the time. “06:36 still have seven.” “It's ready. Have an amazing day.” he hands her a ten and leaves. He walks to an old burned building. Walking in he goes up five floors and goes towards a sniper pointing out a window. He takes a sip of his coffee checking his watch. “06:42 one minute.” A minute later a limousine drives up to a small building. A man dressed in a white and gold suit walks. “Gotcha.” BANG, a single bullet from the sniper shoots the man in the head obliterating the back of his head. He walks away with screams of people running and people shouting. “It's him, Punisher, he's here.” Pointing their pistols in the air looking where the shot came from.
Queen's, New York, 7:45 am
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BE-. Bang Peter hits his alarm destroying it. “Uhh, great way to start the day.” Peter goes to the bathroom brushing his teeth. He leaves the bathroom getting changed into his new clothes then goes to check on his web shooters. “Thank god for the science lab.” Checking his costume he sees it burnt and destroyed. He messages MJ to ask her to bring his spare costume she's working on. He gets his bag and web shooters going downstairs. “Hey Aunt May I'm off to school.” “Not so fast, I've got some cake for you to take.” Petter goes up to May and takes it. “Thanks May love ya bye.” Peter walks out to the school bus.
On the bus he sits next to his girlfriend Mary Jane. “My god Pete what happened to you. Also you suits in my bag.” Peter looks at her saying “New villain in town calls himself Electro.” “You've got to stop doing this Peter really you're going to kill yourself. How many villains do you have?” Peter looks down and says “Well Theirs the lizard, Shocker, Electro, Fisk, Otto Octavius and sin eater. Don't forget about the small time.” She looks at him saying “God why do I put up with you.” “Because I'm irresistible.” She smirks.
A couple hours later Peter only had two lessons left. Peter in the back of his English class looked at his web shooters making sure they still aren't broken and that he fixed them during science. Peter looks at his phone where he sees a notification from the daily bugle saying that sandman is robbing a bank. “Can I go to the bathroom?” Peter shouts. “Sure Mister Parker uh just take the pass.” Peter takes it and leaves. He goes to the janitor's closet putting on his Spidey suit and web shooters jumping out of the window. He looks at his phone while swinging. “Sometimes I wish I had a GPS in my suit instead of needing to use Oscorpe maps.” He swings wondering why sandman is robbing a bank. “He's stupid but not this stupid to rob a bank, especially during the day.” He swings across Queensboro into Manhattan.
When he arrives the swat team surrounds the area with Captain Stacey on standby. Spider-Man drops down in front of him. “Hey.” Looking up Captain Stacey talks to Spider-Man. “Spider-Man good thing you're here we need your help. Sandman has taken over the bank and he has three hostages.” Spider-Man looks at him saying. “Guess you can say things are getting out of sand.” “Sure just when you go in don't destroy much will you.” “I won't captain you know me, just get your officer's to sand back.” Spider-Man does finger guns at Captain Stacey swinging in. “Everyone shut up. I'm gonna pay it off with this score.” Spider-Man slowly swings down “It's ironic that you're named Flint. You know because flint and steel create fire and fire turns you into glass.” “WHAT.” Spider-Man sighs as he launches a kick towards him. He kicks him with Spider-Man going straight through him as this happens he webs his feet and pulls causing him to fall. He goes to punch sandman but punches him through the glass into a police car. CRASH, the police start firing at him but they do nothing. “SPIDER-MAN GET UP.” Captain Stacey shouts at spider-man. Spider-man jumps in slingshotting himself into sandman. He goes straight through him knocking sandman back as well. “Stop this Flint, think of all the good you've done.” He jumps onto the wall looking at a fire hydrant. “Like you've no that won't cut it. Ok you haven't done anything good but that doesn't mean I have to kick your ass again.” Sandman gets up. “You think you can kick my ass again. Not happening.” Spider-Man sighs. “Ok.” Spider-Man jumps down and grabs the fire hydrant and pulls. CRACK, the fire hydrant breaks splashing water all over sandman. “I told you Flint, I always win.” Flint starts to turn into a pile of wet sand. Spider-Man webs the hydrant to stop the water then walks over to Flint. Barely able to keep your normal form. “Screw you.” Spider-Man looks over at the captain. “He's all your captain enjoy.” Spider-Man jumps onto the side of a swat van. “Where do you go when you finish?” “School, besides I'm only missing one class.” Peter says this jumping and swinging away. “About ten minutes getting there. HEY I'M SWINGING HERE. Five minutes there and ten back is enough to miss english.”
Last lesson goes pretty boring for Peter. He's thinking about the lizard and how he escaped yesterday.
Bronx, New York, 15:45
“Nah he'll be here soon. The boss says after today's shipment the police are going to leave the Bronx alone.” An unknown man, clearly a gangster in a suit, is talking to another man in a suit. “Yeah, isn't he worried, though I mean what happened yesterday? You know Freddy.” One of them says “Nah, his new guy almost killed Spider-Man yesterday. He was talking about how he was crawling to escape only got away because of the sprinklers.”
BANG, BANG, The Punisher walks into a restaurant with seven men in suits in it. “HEY WHO LET THIS GUY IN.” The Punisher grabs his M4 and start to spray into a crowd killing three of them. Two of them pull out micro uzi's shooting at him. The Punisher grabs a grenade and throws it at the bar. BANG, The grenade goes and kills the two of them. The other two put their hands up and surrendered. Frank drops his AR. BANG, BANG, He shoots them with his pistol. He walks upstairs where five line a wall of AK's. The Punisher pulls out a stun grenade throwing it at them. BANG, they all drop their guns blind and staggering The Punisher walks in picking up one of their guns firing on them all. He walks to a door with the dead piled up next to it. He kicks it open to see a man in a suit. “I wondered how long it would take for you to find me, Frank. Now I have some you want and in return you'll let me go, unde-.” BANG, “No deal.” Frank starts to pack a duffel bag with money. Once he's done he lights the office on fire and leaves.
He walks to a van getting into the driver's seat. He drives for about thirty minutes to a small house. Walking in he puts the money in the pantree where about fifteen of the same bags are. He puts on the TV playing the news and works on making bullets. “Spider-Man today was responsible for the destruction of one bank. One I go to, when i wanted to go there today I realised I COULDN'T BECAUSE SPIDER-MAN HELPED SANDMAN DESTROY IT AND WHEN THE COPS SHOWED UP HE THREW HIM UNDER AND PRETENDED TO BE THE HERO. Now why do I have to pay for it? Why doesn't he? We know who Captain America is and he destroys a bank because he's civilised and not a maniac.” Frank looks at the TV turning it off and continues working.
Manhattan, New York, 4:21
“PARKER, PARKER, these photos are blurry I'll give you fifty.” Peter looks at him “Mister Jamerson I need a hundred and twenty.” “I need better pictures.” A man walks in “We need pictures Jonah.” He looks at Peter. “Ok one twenty.” He sighs a check giving it to Peter.
Peter leaves and goes to the woman working at the desk in front. “Hey Betty.” Peter gives Betty the check to Betty who gives him the money. “Thanks.” Peter leaves the daily bugle checking phone. He sees that he's missed a call from Captain Stacey. He calls him. “ you at the station up town.” “Ok but which one?” He runs into the alley next to the bugle changing into his costume swinging away. “So which one.” “You won't miss it kid really.” The call ends. “Ok, quite weird but he didn't even say why he needed me.” It takes him about thirty seconds to realise what he's about. In the distance he sees a giant ball of electricity. “Oh no.”
“Where is it?” CRACK, BANG, Electro kills three police officers. Captain Stacey tells all the police officer's to get into the building. “YOU CAN'T HIDE.” Spider-Man swings down checking the pulse of one of the dead police officers. “no. SURRENDER NOW.” Electro flies in front of him. “Or what. At least I'll get to kill you now. Peter.” Peter feels nervous looking around and Captain Stacey shouts for him to get in. “STAY INSIDE CAPTAIN.” The captain goes to one of his men. “Is it ready?” “yeah” Electro shoots electricity at spider-man. BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG. Spider-Man webs a man hole throwing it at him. Electro catches it, Spider-Man using this moment slingshots himself punching Electro multiple times. “I'M DONE PLAYING. YOU KILLED COPS I'M NOT GOING EASY.” Electro smirks at Peter creating an emp knocking Peter down. Electro drops to the ground, shocking him. “AHHHHHHH. BANG, AHHHHHHHH. BANG, AHHHHHHHH.” Electro walks up to Spider-Man who is crawling away. “Poor little Peter Parker. Once I'm done with you I'll deal with the ones you love. Rest in piece Peter Parker.” Electro charges his hands then. BANG.
Manhattan, New York, 16:23
Punisher loads his sniper talking to himself. “Really, they would kill me immediately. At least I'll kill this freak.” He toggles with the scope. “SURRENDER NOW.” “He won't do that kid” he waits for a clear shot. “YOU KILLED COPS I'M NOT GOING EASY.” he waits for his moment. Bang “AHHHHHHH.” Electros hands start to charge he lifts them. “bang.” BANG. A single bullet goes through the chest of Electro. Frank picks up his sniper and walks downstairs.
Walking down he sees Electro holding his chest on the ground and Spider-Man next to him barely alive. The Punisher walks up to Electro with a knife. “No please d-dont do this.” He gets close to Electro as tries to crawl away. The Punisher grabs him and turns him around. Fear in Electros eye's “Once I'm done with you I'll deal with your loved one's.” “No please.” The Punisher stabs him in the throat, killing him. “You know kid stay away from fisk for the next couple of days you understand. Deal with that giant lizard terrorising the city. Got me Parker.” Peter just looks as he starts to lose consciousness. “Good.” Gorge Stacey and his men leave the building telling The Punisher to surrender. He walks away as no one dares goes to arrest him. Gorge gets his men to help Peter.
Manhattan, New York, 7:32 pm
“You've got to take it easy kid. The doctors said you could have died.” Peter listens to Captain Stacey saying. “I know but with this guy out there, bloods gonna spill in the streets.” The Captain sighs. “So what are you going to do.” Peter coughs “I'm going to try and find the lizard first.” “Stay safe kid.” Peter jumps of the empire state building swinging through the city calling MJ to tell May he's staying at hers tonight.
Thirty minutes Later Peter hears on the police radio that a giant lizard is destroying Oscorpe. Swinging over he feels the stitches in him starting to rip.
When he arrives he sees a fire and a chunk of the side of the building gone. He swings in where fire and dead security guards are. “W-who is he?.” He hears a continuous clicking sound. “There aren't any alien space hunters down there, ha ha.” He laughs nervously. Suddenly a human sized lizard runs towards him trying to eat him. He dodges jumping on a wall “Hey I'm from the zoo, they said a lizard needed to be put down. That doesn't make sense. I don't kill. Hey no bitey.” He sees on the lab coat he's wearing it says Dr Connors. Still dodging “Connor's wait Curt Connors how did you. AHHH.” The Lizard scratches Spider-Man across the chest leaving a claw mark. Spider-Man looks up and sees him jumping to bite him. Spider-Man cartwheels backwards into a jump webbing his head and face planting him. “If you chill out I'll give you a box of insects to eat.” The Lizard gets up. “AHHHHHHHH.” Spider-Man looks at him. “Uh I don't know what to say to that. Raw maybe." As Spider-Man gets ready to attack, the Lizard's left arm starts to turn grey. It looks at it and runs away. Spider-Man swings after him through the streets of Manhattan “YOU MIGHT UGLY BUT I'M FINE WITH IT YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUN.” As he swings the lizard throws a hotdog stand at him. He webs it to a wall and keeps swinging. “SERIOUSLY A HOTDOG STAND IF YOU DON'T STOP I'LL TURN YOU INTO A LIZARD DOG. WELL I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY.” The lizard goes into an alley into a sewer. Spider-Man follows him slingshotting himself in shouting. “YEAAAAH.”
Inside of the sewers Peter looks around and sees only one way forwards. He crawls ol the walls seeIng the destruction Connor's did. “UH MISTER CONNOR'S, CURT, LIZARD, ANYONE. AM I JUST TALKING TO MYSELF, YES, why did I shout that.” He keeps crawling till he hears shouting. “PLEASE I DIDN'T HAVE CONTROL PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.”
Manhattan, Sewers, New York, 19:28
“Where is this freak? This vermin to society.” The Punisher walks through the sewers trying to find the rat killing innocent people. “HISSSS.” He hears a hiss and feels something watching him. “SHOW YOURSELF YOU FREAK OF NATURE.” A black figure crawls out from the shadow. “Tries to hurt me, hurt Edward. AHHHH.” He hisses and screams at him. He goes to attack him but The Punisher unloads bullets from his M4. Vermin shouts in pain “AHHHHHHHH.” Frank slowly followed him. “YOU CAN'T RUN VERMIN. I'LL KILL YOU MATTER WHAT. I'LL DO WHATEVER, YOU'RE COWARD THAT PREY ON THE WEAK.” “Vermin doesn't prey on the weak. I DON'T HAVE CONTROL, AHHHH. Vermin needs to eat, Edward needs to live.” he scurries away. After a minute of walking he arrived in a circular area where Vermin threw him in. “AHHHHH. Vermin will kill you now.” Frank picks his M4 up again, shooting him. He screams crawling up the wall. The Punisher pulls the trigger when vermin is above it and doesn't do anything. He checks the mag to see it's empty. Vermin drops down Scratching Frank across the face. He pulls out his pistol shooting him in the eye. “AHHHHHH, AHHHHH.” Frank goes up and shoots him on the head, killing him.
He hears a scream further down. Going down the tunnel he sees lab equipment and a lizard transforming into a person. “The Lizard, perfect timing.” Limping, he goes over to The Lizard waiting for him to transform. “AHHHHH, AHHHHHHHHH, HELP PLEASE, AHHHHHHH.” Frank just stands there till he transforms. He pulls his pistol out and points it at Connor's. “You're the lizard. What's your name? WHAT YOUR NAME?” “Connor's. Dr Curtis Connors.” Frank starts to pull the triggers. “PLEASE I DIDN'T HAVE CONTROL PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.”
Peter drops down in front of him webbing his pistol. “We don't kill people, understand.” The Punisher grits his teeth “Back off kid really.” “So you can kill him. Like you did Electro. You told me you were going against Fisk, why are you going for The Lizard.” The Punisher smirks at Peter, making nervous. “I wasn't here for him. It's just a coincidence.” Peter stands there wondering what's next. The Punisher runs towards him Peter jumps over him kicking him in the back. The Punisher hits his head knocking him to the ground Peter uses this to web him up.
“Ok we need to get outta here understand.” Connor's nods and starts to pack his stuff. “I won't kill you kid.” Peter looks at him. “Good because neither will I.” “I'm ready Spider-Man.” Curt says to Peter “Alright let's get outta here.” Peter swings Curt Connors out of the sewers
Manhattan, New York, 8:53 pm
“Ok you need a cure. Uhh, I've got it. I'll take you to the Baxter building. Reed can help you.” Connors thinks. “What if he finds me?” Peter sighs. “It's probably got more security than the raft and it's got four of the best heroes in the world in there.” Connors agrees and Peter swings him there.
When he gets there they walk in. Peter shouts. “REED YOU HERE. REED RICHARDS.” “Peter.” They turn around to see Sue. “Hey Miss Richard's I need your help.” She looks at Peter then at Connor's “What's wrong Peter are you in trouble.” Peter looks at her then Connors. “Not me. Have you ever heard of The Punisher?” She looks confused. “Uhh no why.” “He's trying to kill him. He needs a secure place to stay. And he needs a cure to stop him from turning into a lizard.” She looks. “What about you? Will he kill you?” He sighs “No he won't. He just wants to kill villains.” She looks at Connors saying “Reed is out but he'll be back soon he can make you a cure. Be safe Peter this stuff doesn't end well.” Connor's looks at Peter “Thanks Parker I would never expect you to be a superhero. Miss Richards, can you get my family?”
Peter leaves, going to the top of the Baxter building for some peace. “I'm too tired. I just want to go home but I need to find Fisk.” He checks the wound Connor's left. “I'm losing too much blood. My costume is destroyed and I helped the guy escape death. How am I going to explain this to May my wounds? I can't believe it. First day as an adult and I might not live to see the second. Uncle Ben must think I'm stupid.” He shakes his head. “I've got to go to Fisk tower and warn him.” Peter swings to Fisk tower.
Manhattan, New York, 9:01pm
Spider-Man arrives feeling light headed. He swings up to the office where Fisk and his men are sitting. He opens the door, his men immediately pointing their guns at him. “DROP YOU WEAPONS.” Fisk tells his men. Reluctantly they do Peter Limping towards him. “I need to warn you. A guy, a guy is uh is uh going to kill you.” His voice started to slur and he was barely able to keep his eyes open.” Fisk walks towards him. “You two get the medics now.” Peter falls unconscious.
Waking up Peter wonder's where he is looking around and he sees medical equipment. He gets up and walks through a pair of doors into a room full of men and Fisk working at a desk. “You're awake. You've been out for nine hours.” Peter realises that his face is exposed and Fisk notices this. “We all know who you are, Parker.” Peter walks up to him. “Why did you save me? You're goon tried to kill me yesterday.” Fisk calmly got up saying. “Yesterday you came to warn me. I knew why because of the Punisher. When you came here you were close to death. I saved you because. I need you to defeat the Punisher. I've asked every mercenary in this city and it's the same answer. No before Punisher was a myth but now after the men he's killed. The only one who can defeat him is you.” Peter looks at him. “Who's to say I'll stop him.” “Because yesterday you came here to warn me. The only one who wants me dead that can do anything is him.” Peter looks at him. “Where's my stuff.” Fisk clicks his Fingers and one of his men comes over to Peter giving him his phone, suit and web shooters. Putting them on Peter goes to the window telling Fisk. “Thanks Fisk. You really should leave the city.” Peter swings away.
Queen's New York, 6:09 pm
Peter swings through Queens arriving at his girlfriend's house. He goes to her window knocking on it. She wakes up opening it. When Peter enters he takes off his mask. “I can't do it anymore Peter last night you never showed up. I thought you were dead. This Electro almost killed you and the lizard. Peter I ju- AHH.” She screams seeing Peter's face covered in stitches. “I'm not that ugly.” Peter jokes but MJ says. “What happened yesterday.” Peter sits down “It's a long story.”
Manhattan, New York, Sewers, Time Unknown
“DOWN HERE, THERE'S A LAB.” Two police officers walk down the sewers seeing a lab. They both walk into Connor's lab looking around. “What the hey Chris, what is this place? Chris.” Click the police officer feels a gun to the back of his head. “I'm going to take your gun and handcuffs. And Chris is alright just incapacitated.” Frank takes the cop's gun and handcuffs him to a metal pole.
Leaving the sewers Frank feels the cold air on his face. Checking his watch he realises it is broken. He goes to his van and drives off to his house.
When he gets inside he goes to the kitchen checking the clock. “Wasn't down there for long.” He puts on the TV while he makes shotgun shells. “Breaking news this morning we have word that Spider-Man and the Lizard destroyed Oscorpe hours ago, fleeing in the sewers. They also found the cannibal serial killer known as Vermin dead. They say it's a man dressed in black wearing a white skull on his chest. Now I don't condone murder but I want to personally thank this heroe for dealing with someone Spider-Man probably thinks isn't worth his time.” Punisher looks at the TV and at his shotgun loading. “That's all for now J, Jonah, Jamerson signing off.”
Frank goes into his pantree grabbing a bag of cash. He looks in it seeing about hundred and fifty grand. He takes it to his van with him driving off.
Manhattan, New York, 04:41
Frank walks into a small café and enters. “Mister Castle, quite a busy night was it.” Frank walks up giving him the bag of money. “Do you have the thing?” the man clears his throat. “Yes, your coffee is ready. Hot, two sugars and no milk. That'll be one dollar fifty cents.” Frank looks at the bag and at the device he's buying. He picks it up and leaves. “Keep the change.”

The things I want to keep/value:

• midrange
• high damage
• survivable
• kiting focus
• skill expression
• machine gun
• combos

Things to sacrifice/nerf:

• waveclear
• point and click root
• ult (sorry u/QEEQWEQ)

Numbers pending but here's the basic idea:
Only basic abilities Remove his e, w, and r and replace them with their own versions of spell flux. Each one will give an effect upon ryze hitting that target with a q. Eq will grant a stacking move speed boost (small and lasts for maybe 7-10 seconds refreshing), wq will slow the enemy champion for maybe 2-3 seconds and maybe 30-40% slow? Rq will heal ryze for some amount scaling with ap. None of these should be particularly strong effects and the cooldowns should probably be roughly 1.5-2 seconds late game. Additionally, you can now move while casting any of the fluxes, and the actuall flux stack will stay there for a little longer.
Empowered Spells The interesting part comes when you stack spellfluxes. Any flux followed by an e will empower the next q to hit that target to give ryze a big burst of decaying movespeed (think phaserush), followed by a w will root the target (again you have to land the q to get the effect), and followed by an r will grant a shield.
Waveclear - little weaker hopefully If you stack all three on the same target, the final flux will spread in a large area (do it on a cannon and it will always hit the entire wave and a little beyond) dealing a big burst of damage and giving a somewhat stronger version of the buff that the last spell flux would have given you (w mega slows for same duration, e gives multiple e stacks, and r gives a very decent heal). Presumably you only use the w version if you are trying to engage for your team, albeit very slowly or maybe catch someone standing too close to the wave.
Playstyle When fighting long engagements like vs tanks, ryze will have some sustain and ramping movespeed allowing him to kite out tankier targets like juggernauts. Vs squishy long range mages ewRQ will give him some sustain in lane and allow him to not be stuck clearing waves under tower (eventually anyways), while he still has eWQ to all in them. And finally eRQ for short trades vs more bursty matchups. With no r he does have less incentive to roam, but his skirmishing power should be much better.
Potential Combos Full damage trade: qEQRQWQ (little ms/damage, little heal, slow and walk away) Short trade vs maybe ranged: qeRQWQ (shield plus they get slowed and you walk away) Short trade vs run you down/melee: qWQrEQ (slow, then run away)
The idea is that with these changes we can buff ryze's numbers a bunch and give him interesting combo paths and choices while not losing the battlemage focused identity (many of the rune focused reworks while cool turn him into a sort of artillery mage).
Let me know what y'all think! I love this champion thematically and I love battlemages and I also understand that he's in a good place right now, but he's not the most interesting (or stable for that matter).

Section 1

1. How do you work?
I'm still a student. I study; I don't work.
**Why do people go to work?**
Some people like to work, others want to be rich, but most people don't want to starve to death. Some are forced to work.
**Are there any parameters that determine whether you can do work or not? What are they?**
No, I need to survive school no matter what happens.
**2. How do you determine the quality of work? How do you determine the quality of a purchase?**
I could say with my grades, but I can study hard and still get a bad grade, so I will say with the amount of pages I did.
**Do you pay any attention to it?**
I pay more attention to my grades than the amount of pages I did.
**3. There is a professional next to you. How do you know they are a professional? How do you evaluate their skill?**
This person is a teacher or someone with very good grades.
**4. If you struggle to do something, how do you fix that?**
If it's important, I find a way or another to fix whatever the problem is. I can use different methods or ways to fix it. If it's not important, I won't put any energy into it.
**Do you know if your performance is better or worse than others?**
I know my weak spots and my strong ones, but I don't really pay attention to others.
**5. How do you measure the success of a job? What standard do you use?**
My grades: high grades = success, and low grades = failure.
**Do you pay attention to it?**
I want to succeed in my school year.
**When should you deviate from this standard?**
When there will be no need for good grades to pass my classes, which sadly never will happen.

Section 2

**1. What is a whole?**
Everything without the details.
**Can you identify its parts?**
Yes.
**Are the parts equivalent to the whole?**
No, by looking into one part you miss the rest and don't get to the solution which is equal to the whole.
**2. What does "logical" mean? What is your understanding?**
Something I can understand with not too much effort and that makes sense.
**Do you think that it correlates with the common view?**
Sometimes logic can correlate with the common view but sometimes not.
**How do you know you are being logical?**
When I'm doing math or when I'm thinking.
**3. What is hierarchy?**
A schema of what is prioritized.
**Give examples of hierarchies.**
The chores you will do before doing other chores.
**Do you need to follow it?**
Yes, you should always follow it because you should always do what is most important, but your hierarchies should be adaptable in every situation because in some situations other things become more important and some things less important.
**Why or why not? Explain how hierarchy is used in a system you are familiar with.**
If I prioritize the schoolwork that's not important over the schoolwork that is important, I get bad results.
**4. What is classification?**
It's the same as categorizing.
**How does classification work?**
The amount of work I have, what is more urgent, and what is harder.
**Why is it needed and where is it applied? Give examples.**
When organizing the work I need to do for school.
**5. Are your ideas consistent? How do you know they are consistent?**
It depends on how strongly I believe in the idea. If I don't believe in it, it's not consistent, but if I do, it will be consistent. I see it when comparing the ideas I believe in with those I don't.
**How do you spot inconsistency in others' ideas?**
With the amount of time it stays in their head. Some people stay with the same idea for years and others forget it the next day.
**1. Can you press people?**
I don't press people.
**What methods do you use? How does it happen?**
It doesn't happen. I use no methods.
**2. How do you get what you want? What do you do if you have to work to get what you want?**
I work the amount of work I think is worth it, not more or less.
**3. How do you deal with opposition? What methods do you use to defend your interests?**
I'm most of the time too tired to deal with it, but if I have my own interests I will try to win.
**4. When do you think it's okay to occupy someone's space?**
Whenever the person consents to it.
**Do you recognize it?**
I don't get this question. If this info is important to know, just ask me about it in the comments in a different way, please. I'd be more than happy to answer it.
**5. Do others think you are a strong-willed person? Do you think you have a strong will?**
Yes, I'm lazy but unwilling to back down on my positions. I'm truly ambitious and determined to achieve them.

Section 4

**1. How do you satisfy your physical senses? What examples can you give? What physical experiences are you drawn to?**
To satisfy my senses, I use materials, food, music, and certain styles/aesthetics. The experience goes much deeper than only my senses; it's about how my whole body feels, the hormones, and the excitement I get from it. I'm drawn to everything that will give me a enjoyable feeling or give dopamine or energy.
**2. How do you find harmony with your environment?**
I don't care about my environment.
**How do you build a harmonious environment?**
i'm not focust on building harmony outside of myself
**What happens if this harmony is disturbed?**
It rarely gets any reaction from me, but if it does, it's me being annoyed by loud sounds or being annoyed. (I can enjoy the silence and balance of harmony as much as I can be bored of it.)
**3. What does comfort mean to you? How do you create it?**
As long as I have no problems on my mind I can be comfortable in any kind of situation. Of course, it is a bonus if my senses are stimulated by pleasant things.
**4. How do you express yourself in your hobbies? How do you engage yourself with those things?**
It's not about me expressing something or myself but more about my body expressing itself. I like doing sports and when I'm doing it I let my body, impulses, and instinct take control. I also like to use my physical energy as school uses a lot of my mental energy. I'm balancing it with physical energy. I don't know how it works, balancing the waste of one energy by wasting more of another energy. I think it's weird but it makes me feel good, so I like it.
**5. Tell us how you'd design any room, house, or office.**
In a way that pleases me aesthetically and styled based on my tastes with materials that are soft but also resistant because I often break things accidentally. I also try not to fill the places too much because I like space and try to design in a way I won't have to clean it that often because I hate cleaning. If we are talking about a workspace, I will make sure it's not too aesthetically pleasing so that I can focus on work. I will make sure that the materials used make work easier. I will probably accidentally go over the budget that I have for the design of the rooms because I can have pretty expensive tastes.
**Do you do it yourself,**
Yes.
**or trust someone else to do it? Why?**
Hell no, I don't have the same style as other people and I like thinking of what I like aesthetically for me and decorating things based on my style. I know nobody will do a greater job at it than me, but I will not refuse assistance for measurement or installation, especially with measurement. I don't like to do it so I prefer other people doing it.

Section 5

**1. Is it acceptable to express emotions in public? Give examples of inappropriate expressions of emotions.**
People should be free to express emotions when or where they want without being judged and in the way they want. But they should know their limits. Not everyone is interested in their emotions and for some people, it's annoying. They shouldn't expect people to react the way they wanted; everyone is free to react the way they want too.
**2. How do you express your emotions? Can you tell how your expressions affect others in a positive or negative way?**
With the way I talk and in my jokes, with my body movement and facial expressions.
**3. Are you able to change your demeanor in order to interact with your environment in a more or less suitable way? How do you determine what is suitable?**
No, I'm too blunt and unaware of my environment.
**4. In what situations do you feel others' feelings?**
People often feel things with an intensity different from mine that I don't have. I can feel bad or happy for people but I can't feel exactly what they feel.
**Can you give examples of when you wanted to improve the mood of others?**
When my friends or family members felt sad I wanted to make them happy.
**5. How do others' emotions affect you?**
Not at all.
**How does your internal emotional state correlate or contrast with what you express?**
No idea. I don't focus that much on my internal emotions but just on those surface ones. I don't think I have emotions that go that deep.

Section 6

**1. How can you tell how much emotional space there is between yourself and others? How can you affect this space?**
I don't focus on that much. People sometimes feel closer to me than I feel to them.
**2. How do you determine how much you like or dislike someone else? How does this affect your relationships?**
I don't really determine how much I like or dislike someone. I just like them or not. I don't question my relationships with people; I just enjoy them or not.
**3. How do you move from a distant relationship to a close one? What are the distinguishing characteristics of a close relationship?**
It's the hard work and patience of the other person that really makes the relationship work.
**4. How do you know that you are a moral person?**
When my intentions are for the best (wanting to help people or do what is just).
**Where do you draw your morality from?**
Religion, family, and what I believe is right and wrong and just.
**Do you believe others should share your beliefs on what's moral? Why?**
No, but we should find a common base to have a society for everyone that is healthy to live in.
**5. Someone you care about is acting distant to you. How do you know when this attitude is a reflection of your relationship?**
I would not notice it and if I do, I will just believe that person needs more time.

Section 7

**1. How can you tell someone has the potential to be a successful person? What qualities make a successful person and why?**
I don't notice people's potential or talents.
**2. Where would you start when looking for a new hobby?**
A new sport.
**How do you find new opportunities and how do you choose which would be best?**
I don't know, probably take whatever I would want to take before me.
**3. How do you interpret the following statement: "Ideas don't need to be feasible in order to be worthwhile." Do you agree or disagree, and why?**
You can just enjoy the idea in your head without the need of it becoming real or realistic.
**4. Describe your thought process when relating the following ideas: swimming, chicken, sciences.**
Swimming: Imagine swimming in an indoor pool.
Chicken: Think of chickens in a farm with their little chicken houses where they eat and lay eggs.
Sciences: Scientists experimenting with chemical substances in a laboratory.
**Do you think that others would draw the same or different connections?**
I don't know.
**5. How would you summarize the qualities that are essential to who you are?**
The ones I have and will help me become successful.
**What kind of potential in you has yet to be actualized and why?**
I don't know yet my full potential, but I'm planning on discovering it.

Section 8

**1. How do people change?**
I don't often notice it.
**Can you describe how various events change people?**
No.
**Can others see those changes?**
I don't know.
**2. How do you feel and experience time? Can time be wasted? How?**
I don't notice time that much but as long as you made progress, I don't believe your time is wasted. In case of no progress, yes, time has been wasted but you can win it back with more progress. Sometimes rest is needed to make that extra progress.
**3. Is there anything that cannot be described with words? What is it?**
Everything that contradicts itself but somewhat still makes sense or works.
**If so, how can we understand what it is if language does not work?**
I'm sure some people understand it but I don't know how.
**4. How do you anticipate events unfolding?**
I don't.
**How can you observe such unfoldments in your environment?**
I don't observe my environment.
**5. In what situations is timing important?**
Yes, but I never have the right timing.
**How do you know the time is right to act?**
I don't know.
**How do you feel about waiting for the right moment?**
I don't like it and I often get distracted doing that. I'm too impatient and have the need for immediate gratification.

Please note that medications are mentioned in this post, along with THC. Please mind that I was actively in an episode when writing this so it is a little all over the place and some days have more information than others. My husband is mentioned and not always in the best light- please keep in mind he also has bipolar disorder and while we’ve struggled when in episodes at the same time, he’s a generally a great support person for me and pulls so much more weight than I am able to.
11/2- heightened feeling of anxiety, restlessness. Likely due to psych appt this morning. Could not fully communicate feelings to psych NP and felt rushed.scheduled open door appointment, looking forward to that. I feel very very fidgety and anxious. Racing thoughts, can’t focus, can’t remain still, I have the “stuck in my chest” feeling as if I’m stuck in ny body. Everything feels FAST. Like my surroundings. I feel very stuck in my head and distracted. The day is zooming by quickly. I feel myself becoming very agitated with small things, like people speaking or the sound of feet dragging. Random thought, remembered something I’ve been experiencing lately: I have been having extremely realistic dreams about the most random things and people. When I wake up I can not remember if they are actual memories or dreams. It feels very very realistic. It can take me up to days sometimes to know if it was real or not. Husband suggests I keep a dream journal to kind of track this, probably not a bad idea, I will try it.
11/3: sleep wasn’t great last night, I think I counted twice that I woke up throughout the night. Had a super difficult time getting out of bed this morning. Currently feeling anxious, hot. I have a lot I want to do today. I want to wash the dishes, put away my laundry, and take a shower. I have no idea when was the last time I took a shower, but I’m guessing probably at least a week. I used to be able to use my hair as a reminder of when to shower but now I don’t have that and I just forget. I want to shave my legs too, I always say I want to when I shower and then get overwhelmed in the shower and don’t. I hate my hair and hate that I shaved it. I can either suffer sensory problems with hair, with wigs, or suffer a decreased self esteem with no hair. It sucks. I was called a “he” earlier. Overall I’m not very happy with my appearance, hygiene upkeep, but it’s so difficult for me to manage. My work wants me to come in tomorrow. I can’t do it. I’m not safe to be around patients. I know I’m not. I can’t focus correctly and my risk of making a medication error is high. I get so irritated so fast and unexpectedly and I’m so afraid I might accidentally be mean to a patient. I don’t know how long I can keep making excuses. Sometimes I just want to tell them that I am really going through a mental health crisis at the moment but also I think it’s pretty obvious why I don’t want to disclose that. But I know it is not safe for my patients nor my license for me to practice as an actual nurse currently.
11/5: I stopped taking Prozac yesterday because I do believe it has contributed to the overall sense of dissociation I’ve experienced over the last couple of months. I took my regular dose of Strattera today and noticed that it was my last dose, pharmacy is still out of stock so I am unsure how long I will be without it. I was not anticipating stopping both medications at once and am anxious about that. That being said, I still do not really want to take the Prozac.
Currently I am feeling weird. Sleep was weird last night but not to the degree that is has been. I think I slept a lot cause of the time change but I’m not sure. I feel very confused at the moment and my chest is thumping. My brain is zapping but I am pretty sure that’s Prozac withdrawal. My brain is going in circles and I am not sure how to feel. I do feel highly agitated which I am trying really hard to manage as I really do not want to direct that at husband or daughter. The dogs keep making this god awful licking sound, especially Arnold, but I guess that’s ok cause they can’t control it. I feel like the air is very thick and heavy, it’s very hot as well. I have an urge to cry and I’m not entirely certain why, I can’t think of any particular reason other than overall frustration. I can’t think of any particular stressors I may have etc.
Husband sounds so irritated with me right now. I don’t wanna be like this.
11/9/2023: I haven’t written in a few days. I’ve been feeling great honestly and I guess it’s harder to remember that I need to do this when I’m feeling good. I had a very scary experience yesterday that I’m still feeling the affects of.
I started off yesterday by feeling fucking fantastic. Quite literally felt on top of the world, just absolute best. Day went way until I took a large dose of thc edible which I now understand was a grave mistake and thus no longer have any interest in cannabis products whatsoever.
It started by feeling anxious. This amplified and I did not feel like anything was real. I have had this feeling before, once previously triggered also by cannabis use (4 years ago, quit after, should have never started again) and the other was I believe triggered by being so abused, but I was also using cannabis at that time so probably both. Regardless, I felt the exact same as I did during those times. I felt as scared as I did during those times. I felt as ashamed of my life as I did during those times. I couldn’t tell which one of the times I was in and I couldn’t remember where I was or what was going on. This was accompanied by inconsolable, unexplainable sobbing, I went to lie down in my bed hoping it would pass soon. Actually, before that, I walked into my kitchen to get a drink. Everything was extremely distorted and I was hearing clattering everywhere. Then I went in my bed where it seemed to worsen. I was having a lot of involuntary movement, mostly with my legs and neck. Whenever I opened my eyes, everything seemed dark and unreal. Husband did not look like a real person to me. I wasn’t sure that I was a real person. I kept hearing that I had to kill myself, I had to go and stab myself and it would all stop. Everything would be better once I got that out of the way. I was so so fucking afraid I knew if I left my bed I would have done it. I only left my bed once today and the thoughts came back. I’m only safe in my bed.
Last night I eventually fell asleep but never really got a chance to process my thoughts as I woke up with one of the worst migraines I’ve ever experienced. I’m unsure if this is related or not. I did absolutely nothing throughout the morning except sleep and vomit. Eventually I was able to take a dose of Sumatriptan which helped the migraine go away. This consumed most of my day. As I start to feel better physically, I’m unfortunately realizing I’m still very out of it. I don’t want to be and it sucks so bad. Arnold keeps looking at me weird and I think he knows I’m not real. He’s 100% on to me, I think the real Me left and I’m some like, off brand me. I have an overwhelming urge to just cry and cry, I feel like I am mourning. I don’t know who I am. I just know that I am not an actual human and I’m not functioning as one. I have retreated back to my room as I spent some time in the kitchen and could only focus on reliving myself of this state, which unfortunately does involve stabbing my self. I’m not sure if that’s real and something I actually need to do or not.
11/11: it’s time for it to stop. I cause husband and daughter so much distress in my day to day life. I ruin their lives on a daily basis. I’m so unstable and it’s not fair at all for Husband to deal with. He deserves much better and deserves to stop having me weigh down his life. My daughter deserves a chance at a mother that isn’t me and can hold themselves together and be an active present mother. I don’t even know where I am. I want it to end I’m so tired of burdening everybody around me with this. Everybody is so tired of me I know they are and I can’t blame them. I love them so much and the best way for me to express that is to leave. I destroy them. I’m a terrible person that does nothing but destroy. Husband has to walk on eggshells around me. That’s not okay ever. I am such an awful person. He deserves to be freed from me. He said it’s on him to hold this family together and he’s right. I ruin his life. I ruin Daughter’s life. I am a black hole of energy. I am not mentally stable enough to be a wife or a parent. I fucked up really, really bad by creating this life. In the meantime, I destroyed both Husbands and daughters. It’s terrible. I’m not an adult. I’m not a functioning adult. I burden so much. I’m a major, major burden. Husband said he went through an episode and didn’t burden me with it. He’s right. He’s upset I haven’t had a lot of money for the last month. He’s right, I haven’t been able to work as much as I need to because I’ve been so out of it.
11/12: yesterday after writing that, I decided to take a 50mg of seroquel to try and end that state. It worked so much better than I expected. I felt so present and alive. It was the most normal I’ve felt in probably years at this point. I didn’t feel elated, I just felt normal. I didn’t have any negative side effects, not even drowsiness. I haven’t taken more as I don’t have an order for it and know it is irresponsible to take a serious psych drug without supervision. I think it’s wearing off now as I feel quite depressed. But I’m not like I was yesterday and for the previous days, so that’s good.
11/14: last night I attempted to go to bed at 10 and laid in bed struggling to fall asleep until 3 in the morning, woke up at 5:30 for work. I was expecting to be tired but I don’t feel tired at all, I feel like I have more energy than usual. Overall I’m feeling pretty good today and the last few days aside from racing thoughts. I am feeling a little paranoid as I know I have Been struggling for some time but did not think it was noticeable to others. My coworker today asked me if I was okay and mentioned that I’ve been seeming very “lost”. It is embarassing to me that others have noticed. She said I seem to be all over the place.
11/15: it’s currently 10Am and I’m in my car. I was supposed to be at work at 7. I was asked to do the wound rounds at 2pm. Direct patient care genuinely terrifies me right now. Fuck I hate being a nurse. I need to leave and I’m sitting in my car just anxious. I hate this. I hate that I can’t be fucking normal. Why???? What is my fucking problem? Sleep was wonky last night too, I slept a little more than the previous but woke up wide awake for about 2 hours in the middle of the night. I’m reaching a point where I think it would be beneficial to go on leave but k can’t.
11/20: ok I haven’t written much. On Friday I saw my psychiatrist, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and started on Latuda and Seroquel. The first night I took the seroquel, I fell asleep for 15 hours, I think my lack of sleep caught up to me.
Ever since, I haven’t found the antipsychotics for be sedating at all. I am still showing signs of being in a manic episode. I did not sleep much at all last night. I want to start writing erotica as a side hussle. I don’t know if that’s real or a hypomanic dream. I’m also struggling to differentiate dreams from reality again. I do feel very motivated and invincible. I can accomplish a lot right now. I’m at work absolutely kicking fucking ass. Husband is a great support person.
11/22: all over the space. Went for a drive to help clear my head, during the drive the “loud external” monologue came back for the first time since starting meds and was suggesting I commit suicide. I argued with this for some time while sobbing but it made very logical arguments as for why I should. I headed back home and contacted the suicide hotline text line while sitting in my car. It felt like I was texting a robot and I gave up and lied on the safety questions so they would leave me alone. I came home and sat on my couch for some time. I have covid so overall not feeling well. Very, very irritable. I hate the irritability so much, it makes me such a bitch. The irritability is actually one of the sound arguments the “internal dialogue” made for committing suicide, as I’m such a bitch that I would do more harm to those around me by being alive compared to dying. Tomorrow my dad is coming over for thanksgiving. I’m going to increase my latuda dose one day earlier as I’m afraid I won’t be able to tolerate being around him.
11/24: started yesterday, started seeing bright flashes of light. Both eyes, no pain or pressure. Also it is 5 am and I have not slept. Don’t feel tired.
11/24/11/25- went 30+ hours without sleeping. Did not feel tired at all. Had some “grand” ideas and thoughts. Swore I could switch careers to writing erotica full-time. Doesn’t seem very realistic (this is a backdated entry). Felt very flighty. Eventually Seroquel took me out.
11/27-11/28- these two days went well. I felt very “normal”. Did not feel sad or overtly happy. No loud internal/external monologue during these days. Felt hopeful.
11/29- highly, highly agitated throughout day. Said things I did not mean and highly regret to loved one, because they “annoyed” me during this state. Apologized profusely but felt like an absolute piece of shit for it, which worsened mood state. Found out during the day I was getting called into to work an overnight shift so did not get much sleep, was able to take around a two-hour nap. Work went okay, nothing out of the ordinary.
11/30- felt extremely depressed the second I clocked out of work. Sometimes, when I can tolerate it, work is a nice escape because I don’t have time to think thoughts. This is especially true when it comes to working the floor, which I can’t always tolerate as it can invoke extreme anxiety, but night shift is much easier on me than day shift. Cried the entire way home. Loud internal/external not me monologue back, considering the events of high agitation the day prior. Extreme guilt for the mean things I said. I am not actively suicidal so to whichever healthcare provider I give this to, please do not be too alarmed at the following sentences. While I do have these thoughts, I do not feel like I am going to act on them in the immediate future. I have a plan to immediately go to the emergency department if I feel like I will act which I hope to adhere to. My husband is aware of my safety plans and will assist in ensuring I get myself to a hospital if needed. Anyways, the voice tries to convince me to commit suicide. It rationalizes it by stating that while I will traumatize my daughter if I kill myself (this is one of the main reasons I’ve been able to not do so), I will traumatize her even more by being her mother and thus suicide is the rational choice. Sobbed the entire way home and argued with the voice further. I don’t like when it comes on when I am driving because it provides too “easy” of an opportunity. Did not sleep much, I got home right as husband was taking daughter to school and went with them. Got home and cried more. Husband commented on me seeming depressed and offered comfort. Slept for the few hours she was at school and woke up around noon to pick her up. Didn’t feel as bad when I woke up but still had some depression. My aunt, who had protected my grandpa (her brother) when I reported him for sexual abuse, popped up on my “People You May Know” on Facebook. I couldn’t stop myself. I sent her a very long, very cruel, message about what a cunt she is, accused her of fucking him as she grew up, told her how happy I was that he was dead and described in detail what I believed happened to him when he died since he died in a nursing home, and told her about how alcoholics die horrible, painful deaths (she is an alcoholic) and how I couldn’t wait to cheer on hers, essentially. I don’t really feel bad about it because she is a child sexual abuser apologist and I feel like what I said was justified, but luckily I highly doubt she still uses Facebook so she will likely won’t ever see the message. Took a Seroquel as I realied I likely needed it as I felt incredibly “ramped” up after sending that message, fell asleep around 8PM. I recognize that I likely need to increase my medications.
12/1: so far so good. It is around 10AM. Feel really good, working from home, blasting music. No complaints yet.
12/2: severe depressive episode. forced self to shower in evening and went shopping with Omar and Estelle which improved mood.
12/3: mild depression, less severe than day before
12/4: woke up with severe depressive symptoms again
12/4 I feel GREAT today. Buzzing in chest and eyes. A lil restless.
12/5: didn’t sleep good last night, took about an hour and a half to fall asleep, woke many times during the night, never felt like I was in a deep sleep, woke up after about 4 hours.
If you actually read all that shit lol, can you tell me if this sounds like someone that is actually bipolar or struggling with mental illness? I think I am, but of course, I wonder if I’m making it all up too or if this is just the norm

i am 99% certain i have autism and i’m working on getting a formal diagnosis but haven’t gotten one yet so i feel weird abt posting here (bc what if it’s not actually autism and i’m making something out of nothing) but i need help. my boyfriend is NT and i’m really struggling w him rn. i have serious sensory issues around textures of food and will gag, vomit, and/or cry if it’s bad, esp if i’m already overstimulated (typically if we’re out at a restaurant w ppl or it’s been a long day at work). he’s not a picky eater and loves cooking and trying new foods. i don’t. the risk is just not worth the potential reward for me. i’ll try a bite of something new if it’s been a good day and i know the ingredients and it seems like it will be okay but i mostly just stick to my safe foods. he loves cooking and takes it as a personal attack when i don’t like something new he made. it’s exhausting for me and he keeps talking abt how i need to eat healthier to fix the other health problems i have (i should eat better but i’ve tried that and it does not magically fix it) and need to just keep trying new things until i’m fine with the sensory stuff. it just doesn’t work that way for me. i have awful joints as well so i often can’t go on hikes w him like he wants and he keeps getting upset and talking abt how much it sucks for him that i have these issues. i want to scream at him that it sucks sm more to actually have these issues. i don’t want to be a picky eater or be in pain but i can’t help it. i feel so guilty asking for any accommodation from him now. we’ve been dating for almost two years and he’s known this abt me from the start. it just started being an issue when we started seriously talking abt marriage. i’ve tried talking to him and it feels like bc my experience is different than his he won’t believe that things are different for me. i don’t feel safe to unmask around him anymore and i’ve been forcing myself to power through being uncomfortable or in pain and it’s exhausting. i don’t know how to talk to him abt this esp not having a diagnosis bc i feel like i’m just being dramatic but i can’t keep doing what i have been. any advice on how to talk to him abt this would be appreciated. thanks.

Source- Broadway Grosses, Broadway Box Office - 5/26/2024 (broadwayworld.com)
T-MINUS 19 DAYS TO TONYS.
Welcome back to our regularly scheduled programming with the Tuesday afternoon Broadway Gross Reports (though they were late again this week come on Broadway League). This past week I believe was the heaviest comped week for Tony voters, and that is reflected by some notable shows decreasing grosses this past week, though the holiday weekend meant that overall it was a good week. As always, I have put the weekly operating cost (where known, and a rough estimation if not), and an estimated profit or loss for the week. I do not have all of the information for every (most) shows, but if you have access to information about shows and would like to share it with me, please do!
My methodology for estimating profit (or loss) is as follows:

1. Subtract 16% from grosses. This is credit card fees, as well as the cut that the theater owners take off the top of the grosses, in addition to charging a flat rent. The weekly operating cost is usually the fixed cost for the production, which does not account for this cut%. If you get a chance to look at a show's offering papers, this number is the Net Operating Profit.
2. Compare that new number to the weekly operating cost, if it's lower, subtract weekly minimum guarantees, and record the difference as the loss for that week. If the reserve is known for a show, I will record that as well.
3. If it made money, subtract either 20% or 30% for royalties (after subtracting WMGs),

If an awarding body is not listed, that show was not nominated by that group
Grosses (chronological order from opening)-
Back to the Future: The Musical - $1.0 million gross, 95% capacity, $90 atp (Up ~$96k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $862k; Weekly Operating Cost: $815k/week; Estimated profit (loss): $16k
Award Nominations Roundup: Outer Critics Circle (5), Tonys (2)
A decent rebound week for Back to the Future, with an impressive 14% increase in capacity up to 95%. Goes to show this show still does well when the tourists are in town, even if they've had lukewarm grosses of late (though that average ticket price is concerning).
Merrily We Roll Along - $1.6 million gross, 100% capacity, $208 atp (Up ~29k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $1.345 million; Weekly Operating Cost: $800k/week; Estimated profit (loss): $317k
2024 Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (5\), Tonys (7*)*
Award Wins: 2023 Outer Critic Circle (2), Drama League (2\)*
Hot ticket does hot ticket things. This production has already recouped, anything else is just icing on the cake. It has profited a total of nearly $1 million by my estimates.
The Notebook- $720k gross, 90% capacity, $98 atp (Down ~$64k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: 605k; Estimated Weekly Operating Cost: $620k/week; Estimated profit (loss): ($39k)
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (3\), Outer Critics Circle (1), Drama Desk (2), Tonys (3)*
Little bit of a rough week for Notebook, they continue to tread mostly just be treading water. This was the second really troubling week for them. My TikTok feed is full of Joy Woods right now though so hopefully that can translate into more ticket sales.
Water for Elephants - $1.0 million gross, 87% capacity, $106 atp (Down ~$73k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $863k; Weekly Operating Cost: $805k/week; Estimated Profit (Loss): $34k; Remaining Reserve: $2.6 million
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (1\), Outer Critics Circle (5*), Drama Desk (7), Tonys (7*), PETA (1)*
Award Wins: PETA (1), Outer Critics Circle (1), Chita Rivera (2)
Water for Elephants continues to chug along. Since opening they have posted essentially the same grosses every week, and have only taken a loss once, which is remarkable for how expensive of a show it is.
The Who's Tommy - $838k gross, 79% capacity, $112 atp (Down ~$130k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $704k; Estimated Weekly Operating Cost: ~$700k-750k/week; Estimated Profit (Loss): ($70k)-($20k)
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (3\), Outer Critics Circle (6*), Drama Desk (1), Tonys (1*)*
Award Wins: Outer Critics Circle (1)
I hope this was Tony comps for Tommy, because these aren't fantastic grosses, and for the first time in their run they might have taken a loss.
The Outsiders - $1.0 million gross, 102% capacity, $122 atp (Up ~$33k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $860k; Estimated Weekly Operating Cost: ~$700k-$750k/week; Estimated Profit (Loss): $68k-$108k
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (3\), Outer Critics Circle (3*), Drama Desk (9*), Tonys (12*)*
Award Wins: Outer Critics Circle (1), Chita Rivera (1)
Excellent week for Outsiders. Expect these grosses to hold for a while.
Lempicka (closed) - $382k avg gross, 87% avg capacity, $55 avg atp
Avg. Gross Less-Fees: $320k; Weekly Operating Cost: ~$660k/week; Estimated Total Profit (Loss): ($354k)
Initial Capitalization: $19.2 million; Total Profit (Loss): ($19.2 million-$22.3 million)
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (3\), Tonys (3)*
Suffs - $758k gross, 95% capacity, $102 atp (Down ~$61k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $637k; Estimated Weekly Operating Cost: ~$640k/week; Estimated Profit (Loss): ($27k)
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (4\), Outer Critics Circle (5*), Drama Desk (8), Tonys (6*)*
Award Wins: Outer Critics Circle (3\)*
Suffs slips a little bit, but based off of the average ticket price and capacity I am assuming that there were a lot of comps this week.
Hell's Kitchen - $1.5 million gross, 100% capacity, $132 atp (Up ~$53k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $1.305 million; Estimated Weekly Operating Cost: ~$800k-$850k/week; Estimated Profit (Loss): $304k-$341k
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (3\), Outer Critics Circle (1), Drama Desk (5), Tonys (13*)*
Award Wins: Outer Critics Circle (1), Drama League (1\), Chita Rivera (1)*
And this is what being the leading Tony nominee as well as having a massive IP will do. Grosses held almost identical to last week, which compared to the previous Shubert Theatre tenant (which also had 13 Tony nominations), they never reached these heights financially, nor did they ever sell out the house in an 8 show week.
Heart of Rock and Roll - $309k gross, 64% capacity, $57 atp (Up ~$22k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $241k; Estimated Weekly Operating Cost: $650k; Estimated Profit (Loss): ($433k)
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (1\), Drama Desk (1)*
It keeps sliding more and more, see the show, support the cast. Apparently, this is financed through June, and I'm always happy to see people keeping their jobs.
The Great Gatsby - $1.1 million gross, 93% capacity, $106 atp (Down $98k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $991k; Estimated Weekly Operating Cost: $800k-850k/week; Estimated Profit (Loss): $87k-$125k
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (1), Outer Critics Circle (4\), Drama Desk (1), Tonys (1)*
Award Wins: Outer Critics Circle (2)
This show is the current leader in the Broadway World fan awards in almost every category. They're going to be just fine with this cast, though I am curious to see if the response to ART Gatsby has any effect on this show.
The Wiz - $1.4 million gross, 96% capacity, $119 atp (Down ~$21k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $1.239 million; Estimated Weekly Operating Cost: $800k-$850k/week; Estimated Profit (Loss): $255k-$290k
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (2\)*
The Wiz got no Tony nominations, but they don't need them. This show will be just fine on the Broadway stop of their tour. Their contract includes a potential extension through January, and I think they're likely to pick that up.
Cabaret at the Kit Kat Club - $1.7 million gross, 99% capacity, $229 atp (Down ~$243k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $1.446 million; Weekly Operating Cost: $974k/week; Estimated Profit (Loss): 295k; Reserves Remaining: $2.2 million
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (5\), Outer Critics Circle (2*), Drama Desk (5*), Tonys (9*)*
Tony comps are probably most of the difference in grosses last week to this week here. Cabaret is fine.
Illinoise - $720k gross, 87% capacity, $88 atp (Down ~$96k from last week)
Gross Less-Fees: $605k; Estimated Weekly Operating Cost: $625k; Estimated Profit (Loss): ($29k)
Award Nominations Roundup: Drama League (1\), Outer Critics Circle (6*), Drama Desk (4*), Tonys (4*)*
Award Wins: Outer Critics Circle (1), Chita Rivera (1)
I hope for Illinoises sake that they invited a lot of Tony voters this week, because this was another losing week for this show. I think recoupment is out of the picture at this point.
Discuss below!

I (39 female) have quite the TikTok following since I went viral 2 years ago. One of my TikTok’s went viral and ever since then I post videos on many topics to get more people interested. I am currently on disability and a single mother but disability pay is not a lot of money. Anything that can supplement my disability income is welcome. I have already gotten people asking to feature their products on TikTok to earn commission on sales.
After binge watching the newest part one of season 3 of Bridgerton, I wanted to post an informative video on Autism or being on the spectrum as Francesca and her suitor John Stirling in this season show signs. My son is on the low end of the spectrum with Sensory Processing disorder. In my informative post I mentioned a relative that I grew up with in the form of “my sister, my cousin, my brother etc.” who was diagnosed with a disorder and how I wish I was because after looking at home videos I noticed signs and it would have helped me understand and also my parents understand why I would just sit there and not answer or how learning was difficult for me. I expressed how I am so happy I noticed these same symptoms in my son to help him and I both understand how he learns. I did not mention age or any way of distinguishing who I was specifically talking about.
My mother and father texted me and we got in an argument about how I needed to take the video down. How they are private people and my relative is a private person. That people they know are asking them questions and the relative questions and that what I posted would be added to a background check and could impact the relatives future and that I need to keep the family off social media.
I refused to take the video down as I did not specify who I was talking about. It was also an uplifting and informative video about Autism and inclusion. The relative I was talking about does not specifically have autism spectrum disorder. The relative I was talking about has a disorder a lot like my son that is on the low end of the spectrum.
AITBA for refusing to take the video down?

Hello. Can anyone tell me - when a child is adopted in Ontario, does the court automatically advise the registrars office so they can update the birth registration?
My husband adopted my daughter and I need a long form birth certificate listing both of our names. I was told my service Ontario that when the adoption was complete I should have gotten a post adoption registration form to be filled out and sent back.
I advised my lawyer of this, and he said he has never dealt with this form before, and the court would have notified the registrar upon completion of the adoption.
I called service Ontario back, and the rep advised that yes, the court would have notified the registrar as part of the court proceedings, and if I go ahead and order the birth certificate, it should have the new parent information.
Lawyer then emailed me back and said maybe I need the form? He has never had this issue/concern before nor had anyone request this form.
Since I cannot get a straight answer from anyone in the government office nor the lawyer, does anyone here have experience with getting an updated birth certificate following adoption? Is the registrar automatically notified and thus change the parental information?

In the recent video, the Intro claims "The whole point of language is to make things understood to other minds". Divorcelli reacts to Peterson asking "What does that mean?" when he's asked "Did the Jewish Exodus factually happen?". I think there are two reasons why Destiny's response here is inappropriate.
First, I need to talk about the Hodge Twins interview.
YouTube told me to rewatch and video where a past Destiny talked with Sargon about what a woman is, presumably because that topic also came up in the conversation with the Hodge twins. In the older discussion, Sargon was trying to argue that there was a reason why "woman" ought to be defined via biological sex. I don't agree with that take because definitions are just pairings between phrases/expressions and concepts, and there are no rules for that. However, this argument goes both ways. There is nothing that tells us that we "ought" to define "male" or "female" by gender as opposed to sex. So when the Hodge Twins asked Destiny how he defines "woman", I would steelman them and say that the real underlying questions are:

• The "man"/"woman"- or "male"/"female"-distinction have always been a matter of biological sex. That definition works, and no other definition comes to mind. You seem to have a different definition, what is it?
  
• Suppose you told me your definition, then we have two definitions. Let's call these the "old" and "new" definition. Your side of the political spectrum seems to say that everybody ought to use the new definition because everybody who uses the old definition is a bigot who hates trans people. Why should I throw away the old definition that I understand and has always served me well, and does the new definition even make sense to the point where I even understand it?
  

To be clear, I'm European and so I don't have a favorable view of the US right in any way. So for all I know most people Destiny talks to couldn't articulate these questions without drowning in their own drool, I tend to tune out of debates with right-wingers in the past couple of years so don't take this as me saying that Destiny strawmanned someone by not addressing this. This is simply an attempt at a steelman for what I think their underlying position are.
The answer I would expect Destiny to give would be "The new definition is that we took the old definition and substituted sex for gender identity to make trans people feel better". This is how he handled this instead:
Q: What is a woman to you?
A: Fuck, that's a real complicated question. That's an insanely fucking complicated question. [...] Okay. In philosophy there's a thing called a qualia. Okay? So what is it like to experience something, Okay? Behind you is a red curtain. If you've never seen the color red before and I say, you know, "There's a red curtain behind you", I can never actually express what that qualia is to you. You're not gonna know what that qualia is to yourself, right? So, there are things that we experience and when we have two brains I can't actually ever, I can never send you an idea. I can't do it, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! cause our brains are separate. So what I do is that I speak a word and when I say something I HOPE that you have an experience that maps onto that. So when I say like, oh, this blanket is really SOFT, you might think "soft" in like a dog or a kitty cat or a pillow - you've got like other experiences to map onto, right? For all of the language that we use when we say words, there's a whole bunch of associated concepts that like POP UP when we say those words. Now, they might not map CLEANLY onto some universal Platonistic form of a thing, so for instances when I say "table" and I tell you to define a "table", you can never give me a definition that encompasses all tables and excludes all things that aren't tables, right? Do they always have four legs, (does this one have four legs, does it have one?), is it something you can sit on or not, like it's really complicated. So when you say like "So what is, like, a woman?" Well when you say "woman", depending on the context it lights up a whole bunch of concepts, so "woman", they tend to dress a certain way, they tend to have certain hair, they tend to exhibit like certain characteristics, they tend to have certain body parts, (unintelligible), so a "woman" it really kinda depends on the circumstance. [...]
Let me be honest, I didn't really expect a great answer. But I hate pretty much everything about this, and it's not just the fact that it's an excuse for a non-answer, the explanation Destiny provides to excuse himself is pretty damn poor.

• Qualia are a red herring. It's true that when we use an expression to communicate a concept, the listener will have subjective associations with that phrase that might stray from the concept. But qualia are about subjective qualitative experiences, not subjective associations. The problem of how we avoid misleading people by having them hang onto subjective associations is a very different problem than giving someone the knowledge of what it's like to experience seeing the color red without having them see the color red. It's frankly insulting to start out like this because it sounds like "Explaining to you what it means to be a woman is basically impossible, I might as well try to make a blind person understand what it's like to see the color red", or even "You have to be a woman to know what it's like to be a woman, and you have to know what it's like to be a woman to know what it means to be a woman". Depending on the speaker, I might even say that the person who gave this answer only name-dropped qualia to sound smarter in their attempt to cover up their own inability to answer a really fucking basic question. Also, there was an earlier point in the interview where Destiny said that one day he decided to seek the qualia of sucking dick, which perfectly illustrates that understanding a concept can come before the corresponding qualia. They are not key to all information, knowledge, or understanding.
  
• You can't just assert that it's impossible to give a definition of "table" and expect it not be challenged, especially when your justification rests on the assertion that any such definition would be referenced against the set of tables and non-tables and checked for incongruence. If there is such a reference-set then it defines tables by extension, and if there is no intensional definition then there is no reference-set. This argument is literally self-defeating. The steelman on what Destiny was thinking here would be to say that different people will have different definitions, but that doesn't mean that Destiny can't operate by adhering to a definition. And that's what this question was ultimately about, how Destiny defines it. If I went around, defining "woman" as a "strange person, lying in ponds, distributing swords as a basis for a system of government in British legends", they'd put me away, but it would actually answer the question.
  
• While people have their own subjective associations, the point of a definition is to delineate which associations apply and which ones don't, and exploring them should be seen as a means to a shared understanding. If Plato defines "a human" as "a featherless biped", and Diogenes associates "a featherless biped" with a plucked chicken, then that's a perfect opportunity for Plato to either add "with flat broad nails" to his definition as an act of refinement, or to admit that plucked chickens are technically human. When Destiny says that people associate a "woman" with clothing, hair, exhibiting characteristics, body parts, etc. that all literally just misses the point of what a definition is. If anyone actually said that clothing or hair were literally defining traits of what it means to be a woman, we would look down on them. In reality, all reasonable people would agree that there are primary defining traits, secondary traits that are strongly associated with the primary traits, tertiary traits that are more loosely connected, any so on. Biologically, a woman is an adult human female and people have begun to operator under a sociological definition where biological sex is replaced with the feminine gender. I doubt even a single person on this subreddit actually goes through their live with a "Definitions are about subjective association"-attitude, unless they are doing to farm views with tiktok ragebait.
  

I'm a mathematician, I learned tons of abstract stuff with which I don't associate any lived experience. If you me "What is a C-Algebra?", they I could try to explain what a W-Algebra is, or why quantum mechanics violates classical probability theory, and where the uncertainty principle and the 2pi in the denominator really comes from, I could do that do jerk myself off, but that wouldn't answer the fucking question. And I am genuinely disappointed that Mr. "My Axioms are Grounded" would just admit that the meaning of said axioms can spontaneously collapse because locking in the meaning of one word can make the meaning of another indeterminate.
Now let me get back to my first problem: how the fuck is this different from what he's accusing Peterson of doing?
Second, Peterson is actually capable of answering the question. If you just read all that, it was a trick to make you forget the rest of the interview. At 4:04 in the reaction video, Kermit actually commits to a clear stance on the historicity: the Jewish Exodus probably did happen as a literal, phyiscally observeable thing. Being a proud black [undefined], Destiny still almost does a spit take before pondering the archaeological evidence, but that doesn't change the fact that the guy he accuses of going with the "What does it MEEEEAAAN?"-excuse literally took a clear stance 2 minutes into the Alex O'Connor interview, which is apparently more than people can expect when they interview Mr. Bonifaci.

I hope everyone is well. Reaching out as I have stupidly become in need of some recovery services. After following several posts, there seems to be a lot of art over science to the HDD recovery process so was hoping to get some direct experienced views here (maybe from the likes of Zorb750 or DDR). Below are the key points:
Drive: 8TB External WD Easy Store (I can provide an internal picture if helpful), but I believe relevant model & serial numbers (WD80EMAZ // MSIP-REM-HGJ-US7SAL100). Fairly sure this is a helium drive
Unclear how the drive became a problem, the drive is rarely used (it is the backup), recently it simply would not initialize (powered up fine and recognized by windows just wanted to initialize and reformat). Its possible the driver was dropped or impacted in some way from a recent move, but there is no visible internal or external damage.
When running the drive, there were no noticeable noises, although there was a very slight recurring vibration pattern you could sense when touching the drive (this would eventually stop when the drive stopped processing). Thinking there may be a mechanical issue, I immediately disconnected the unit.
I later sent the drive to Ontrack, and they very quickly instructed me that this was an unrecoverable case. It is unclear to me the reasons, but they led me to believe “the current technology doesn’t quite exist to handle this drive,” but at the same time encouraged me to seek a second opinion. From reading the posts, I am assuming this was related to the helium scenario coupled with the recovery software not supporting the drive’s firmware quite yet (i.e. platters couldn’t be swapped, etc. to a donor), but I really don’t know.
Zorb750 and a few others here seem to be on the cutting edge of the recovery scene, so was hoping the experts could provide some guidance. Are my suspicions accurate – i.e. is this indeed an unrecoverable case at the moment due to the firmware issue, but may have some luck in the future? Or may I be lucky and Ontrack just didn’t want to do the work given the complexity of the case, if so, do you have any recommendations on who can handle this helium-based drive (I am in the States on the east coast)? Would prefer not to send it to Drivesavers, etc. if the tech simply does not exist quite yet.
Apologies for the long-winded message but wanted to give the group as much information as I had. Thanks in advance for any thoughts – the experienced perspective is much appreciated.

First / Previous / Royal Road / Patreon (Read 12 Chapters Ahead)

When the sun had finally fully set, Pale put her plan into motion. She took one last glance out at the checkpoint ahead of them, then turned to Kayla.
"Lie down on the ground and cover your ears."
"What?" Kayla asked. "What does that mean? What are you planning to do?"
"You'll see. Just do it."
Kayla pursed her lips, but didn't argue, instead following Pale's directions to the letter. Once she was situated, Pale turned her attention back to the checkpoint. She'd done some thinking about this, and ultimately decided that the most efficient and least destructive way to get through would be to sacrifice a pod. This was a bit of a problem, as she only had a few pods to begin with, but it was better than using heavy ordinance in order to punch a hole clean through.
"You ready?" Pale asked.
"What?" Kayla said, looking to her in confusion with her hands still clamped over her ears. "What'd you just say?"
Pale took that as her cue to act. She snapped her fingers, and a few seconds later, a flaming piece of metal came hurtling down from the sky, embedding itself directly in the center of the berserkers' checkpoint. From inside, she heard panicked shouts escape from the occupants, as well as a few pained moans; clearly, the impact had incapacitated a few of them.
Then the pod exploded.
The log walls to the checkpoint buckled under the shockwave, rolling across the ground before coming to a rest a short ways away. Through the ringing in her ears, Pale heard the men from inside the fort screaming in terror and agony. Several spells were being launched blindly in the night, their casters unable to hit anything thanks to being disoriented from the blast and blinded from the resulting cloud of smoke and dust.
Pale grabbed Kayla and thrust her to her feet, then charged in towards the camp, shotgun in hand. The smoke had begun to clear just as she got there, revealing the full extent of the destruction. Mutilated bodies lay littered across the field, scattered around a large crater dug deeply into the center of the area. From the looks of things, most of the bandits had been killed outright by either the impact of the pod or the explosion, and the few survivors had been completely deafened by it and were riddled with injuries. Many of them looked like they could barely stand, and several were only being kept alive thanks to that same red magical aura from earlier.
Pale didn't waste any time. She shouldered her weapon, then took aim at the nearest bandit and fired, reducing his head to little more than a fine pink mist. Pumping her shotgun, she transitioned to her next target, putting him down just as easily. Next to her, Kayla opened up with some of her lightning, sending streaks of it arcing through the night and towards the nearest survivor.
That seemed to be too much for the few who were still left. Rather than stand and fight, they turned and tried to run away, sprinting off into the night. Kayla immediately stopped engaging; Pale, meanwhile, took aim and continued to fire until her weapon ran dry, riddling each fleeing man with a shell full of buckshot straight to the back.
And just like that, it was over. A heavy silence fell over the camp, the only noise that interrupted it being the nearby waves lapping at the shore. Pale began to thumb loose shells into her weapon, then motioned for Kayla to follow after her.
"Come on," she urged. "I think I see some boats over on the shoreline."
Kayla tore her gaze away from the carnage around them, looking back to her. Pale half-expected her to say something about how she'd just shot fleeing men, but Kayla stayed silent, instead simply nodding, stone-faced. Together, they made their way over to the shore, and sure enough, there were several boats lined up on the sand.
"Do you know how to work one of these things?" Kayla asked. "I've never been on one before…"
"We'll figure it out," Pale said. "Take that small one, it looks like it has room for three people."
Kayla looked at her, surprised. "Only three? What about the others?"
"If there are any others, they'll have to fend for themselves."
"We can't just leave freed slaves there!"
"And we won't," Pale assured her. "Slavery is a taboo even among my creators, and they made sure to pass their hatred of it on to me as well, but our first priority is getting your father back safely. Once we've done that, we can start going back for others. And as much as a large boat would help us with that right now, it's simply not feasible with just the two of us here to operate it. Understand?"
Reluctantly, Kayla nodded. "...I suppose so. Alright, let's go get him."
–
As it turned out, the northern isles weren't too far from their current location – as dawn broke, Pale realized they were actually visible in the distance through the steady morning mist that had descended upon their boat.
Unfortunately, the boat they'd commandeered was little more than a small sailboat with some oars attached in case the wind was unfavorable, which it had been since they'd first stepped into the water. For the past few hours, her and Kayla had been forced to row, even through the night. Only now, as the sun began to rise, did the wind shift and start to blow from behind them, allowing them both to rest for a time.
It was still going despite that, however. Logic dictated that they ought to have taken turns sleeping or otherwise resting up during this time, but somehow, Pale couldn't bring herself to do it, and neither could Kayla.
"Nervous?" Kayla asked.
Pale shrugged. "Eager, more like. This entire quest has taken the better part of a week, by my estimation. In that time, I have killed several people, nearly been killed myself multiple times, and have apparently been inducted into someone's family, whatever that means. Frankly, I am ready for this to be over so I can resume finding a way back to my home system."
Kayla hesitated for a moment. "About that… what made you think I was able to assist in the first place? I-I mean… not that I'm ungrateful for your help or anything, quite the opposite, but… I'm so… normal. I don't know anything about space travel, and hells, I barely know anything about the world outside my small little village. And yet, you seemed to think I was capable of helping you when we first met. Why was that?"
Pale shrugged. "I ascertained that this was uncharted territory for anyone from my system pretty much the moment I arrived here. From that point on, I knew I was going to need someone who could not only lead me around, but that I could learn the language from and trust to watch my back. Serendipity did the rest."
"Ah… what does that-"
"It means you were in the right place at the right time for both of us," Pale specified. "You need help, I needed help, and now we're helping each other."
"And… you don't regret doing this?"
Pale shook her head. "I have no reason to regret anything so far. This quest has only taken about a week, which is nothing for me in the grand scheme of things. Plus, you have been very reliable so far, particularly in combat. You have kept your cool in a way that suggests some kind of training."
"Oh… um, I'm not really trained." Kayla brought a hand up to rub at the back of her head. "I-I mean… I'm my father's apprentice, of course, but I don't have any kind of combat training. All the offensive spells I know, I only know because he insisted that a young woman like me should know how to defend herself if she's going to be heading off on her own."
That got Pale's attention. She sat up a bit straighter in the boat, focusing on Kayla. "You were planning to go your own way?"
"Mhm," Kayla confirmed with a nod. "There's a very prestigious magic academy down south, I was hoping to take their entrance exam sometime soon, before… well, all this happened. I don't really know what I would do after that – being a fire mage restricts me in a lot of ways; I'd basically be forced into a combat role for something, whether that was as a professional soldier or as a bodyguard or something along those lines – but all I know is I really want to study magic more in-depth. My father is an excellent teacher, but he doesn't have the same resources the Luminarium does."
"There's something I've been wondering," Pale admitted. "No offense, but you're… meek, to say the least. You don't like to fight or hurt people, and yet you use fire magic. Why is that? Did something make you pick it in particular?"
"Pick?" Kayla asked, tilting her head. "I didn't pick my affinity. Very few people can. Really, your affinity is determined when you unlock your sjel – and before you ask, generally speaking, that happens when you come of age, which for most people is around fifteen years old, maybe a bit younger or older depending on who they are. To put it briefly, when your sjel is unlocked, an Archmage – basically a very accomplished caster who has dedicated their life to the study of magic – can serve as a witness, and somehow determine the type of magic you will have an affinity with. Generally, it's not something you choose; the vast majority of people just are naturally more tuned to one type of magic. Nobody knows why, but that's just how it's always been. Occasionally, you get someone who has multiple affinities, but that kind of thing is very rare. Come to think of it, it really only ever happens with the royal families…"
Pale scowled at the implications of that, but said nothing. Instead, she watched as Kayla shook her head.
"Anyway, that was my plan for after we rescue my father," she said. "What about you? How were you hoping to get back to your people?"
"Truthfully, I do not know," Pale replied. "The technology of this world is far too primitive to be of any help to me. I was hoping a magical solution existed somehow, but if not, then I will have to take matters into my own hands, and essentially kickstart my own industrial revolution."
Kayla gave her a panicked expression, but Pale held up a hand, calming her.
"It's different than an actual, violent revolution," she assured Kayla. "Ideally, there would be no bloodshed involved."
"Ideally…? What would you be doing?"
"Using the knowledge gifted to me by my creators to rapidly improve the technology of this world to the point where it would actually be useful to me," Pale specified. "I would go more into detail, but that would likely be premature. All you need to know at this point is that, should no other solution present itself, I will begin pushing the technology of this world forward at an incredibly rapid pace."
"How rapid?"
Pale thought for a moment. "By my estimations? Basic space flight within twenty-five years, off-world colonies and terraforming within forty, faster-than-light travel within fifty."
Kayla began to sputter. "Y-you…! Are you serious?!"
"Deathly so, yes. I know exactly what is needed in order to get there, the problem is obtaining and refining the materials for it all. But give me time, and I can have you all looking at colonizing other planets within four decades." Pale suddenly peered behind Kayla, a deep scowl crossing her face. "But this conversation will have to wait, I'm afraid."
Kayla went deathly white. Slowly, she turned to look behind herself, and began to tremble when she saw land fast approaching.
"We're here," was all Pale had to say.

Special thanks to my good friend and co-writer, Ickbard for the help with writing this story.

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Hello Hello my buds, bobs and babes. We are back at it again with the end of Human Trauma book two. In this one Martinez gets grilled by Ivorn of all people. and when the calm caring man decides you messed up enough that he is yelling at you. lord you must have messed up.
Let's get this bread.
------
Snow drifted lazily around Martinez, the first snowfall this year in Draun. Celna had been under snowpack for weeks, but in this massive city, this was untimely late. Each fresh flake glowed like embers in the evening light, burning just like the Human's ragged breath.
“Get the fuck out of my way,” Martinez barked at a group of aliens, ordering them to make a hole or get barreled through.
This group took the warning of the two-meter-tall man to hearty and skittered away like rats, allowing him to pass.
Those were the smart ones; not all had that many survival instincts. Martinez had crashed through a group of Ruqaura, their flabby builds jiggling as they fell to the duracreet and cursed his existence.
Fuck them; they did not matter, nor did the abject panic Martinez was stirring up in his wake. The Human certainly was causing a scene in the otherwise serene city. Whether the aliens thought he was being chased, was a crazy nutter on the loose, or that he was a deranged rapist, he did not care.
They could think he was a serial killer or a terrorist for all he cared. All Martinez cared about was reaching Shiksie and ensuring she had not done the unthinkable.
By the time Martinez had reached Shiksies posh neighborhood, sweat was flooding off his brow; on her front lawn, he nearly collapsed from vomiting, having just run the fastest he had done in years. Fuck even Raliegh could not hold a candle to the show of speed and athletics Martinez had demonstrated, and that man ran ultra marathons.
Through blurry vision, Martinez looked up at Shiksie’s house. It was as spartan as the last time he was here. The house showed off the owner's simple, straightforward personality, a bold defiance of the bright pastels and gaudily decorated homes of her neighbors.
At least the house had not changed.
Pounding on the door with hammer-like fists, Martinez roared into the gloom. “Shiksie, are you there?”
The milliseconds dragged out into hours; each breath dagged into eternity. With each passing eon, Martinez repeated the process with more desperation, beating the door as if it owed him money.
Each repetition drew on more of the same. A silence so deafening it crushed Martinez’s soul like an ant.
“Please, if you are in there, answer the door,” Martinez barked, punching the door hard enough that his knuckles bled. “I need to know you are alive.”
With no answer coming from inside, Martinez changed tactics. Between savage attacks on the door, he sent texts to everyone both he and Shiksie knew, trying to get any sitrep on her.
No one had any answers for him. They did not know if Shiksie was alright, nor had they seen her in well over a week. That only compounded his worry. Did they not care about her?
` Therein—Nothing, he did not even want to talk to anyone.
Sursee—Nothing other than word that she did not know.
Harsnis, of all people, also had no answers, and that man kept tight tabs on his workers.
What in God's name was going on?
The only one who gave Martinez more than sorrowful nothingness was Ivorn.
Ivorn: Come over to my place; we need to talk.
Considering that beating Shiksies' door was getting him nowhere, and Martinez was not about to break in, he hurried out of Shiksies' neighborhood, destined for Ivorn and Sursees' place in old town.
Martinez glanced over his shoulder, hoping to see Shiksie at her door, but no. All he saw were the neighbors peering from behind curtains at him. He ignored them.
—-
“Henry, it’s great to see you,” Sursee purred after opening the door to her and Ivorns' place.
Sursee was a Prinoral, a small feline-like species that was sociable beyond belief. Like many of her species, Sursee stood only as tall as Martinez’s chest and had traits that made her as cute as a button.
Sursee wore a long, draping dress held loosely around her dainty form. Its bright white color made her golden fur and amber hair stand out boldly. Her radar dish-like cat ears and long flicking tail made her the picturesque housecat-like woman.
“Please, come on in,” Sursee said, stepping abreast of the door and bidding his entry.
“Thanks, Sursee,” Martinez replied, entering and taking stock of their home, having never been here before.
Their apartment was quaint and comforting. Most surfaces and furnishings were colors like autumn, oranges, yellows, and browns, giving the space an overwhelmingly comfortable vibe. That matched with what smelled like freshly baked pumpkin pie, making the entire local breathtaking.
A menagerie of plushies was staged on shelves across the astel, adding splashes of vibrant summer to the otherwise warm home.
Martinez had no doubt the plushies were Sursee’s. She was a little ball of sunshine, and they fit her personality and aesthetic to a T.
“So, Henry, can I get a hug?” Sursee asked, her tail swaying happily behind her while she smiled as bright as sunlight.
“Not now. Where is Ivorn,” Martinez replied instantly.
Sursee pouted, her ears folding flat and tail tucking away. Any semblance of joy that overflowed from her died instantly.
Martinez appreciated that Sursee was listening to Ivorn's advice and not latching onto him like a heat leech, asking first. But he had not registered the sorrow in her—-this was the only time she had been told no to a hung from him. She expected it at this point, even if she was being polite.
“Ive is in his office,” Sursee said, pointing down the hallway.
Before Sursee registered that Martinez had moved, she turned around and picked up a plate of steaming cookies off the coffee table, hoping to help Maetinez feel better. While she did not know the man intimately, she was flawless at gauging emotions, and Martinez oozed sorrow.
“Would you want some—” Sursee trailed off, realizing the Human had already left her alone in the living room.
If pouting harder could be done, she did so. His leaving her like that felt like ice to the soul. She baked the cookies for him once Ivorn had told her Martinez was coming over. But the Human did not care about that or Sursee’s feelings.
Opening the indicated door, Martinez found Ivorn lounging behind a desk, reading a book with a massive smile across his face.
“What do we need to talk about?” Martinez asked.
Ivorn jumped at the intrusion and squirreled the book away. Not having expected Martinez for several hours. “Do you not know how to knock?”
“Where is she?” Martinez asked, ignoring everything but Shiksie.
Ivorn sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Not even a hello, huh? I get it.” Ivorn said. “Sit,” he finished by gesturing at a seat across from him.
Martinez was about to argue and tell Ivorn to get to the point, but the alien man could read him like a book and beat him to the punch.
“I get you are likely upset, but can I please explain,” Ivorn insisted.
“Fine,” Martinez grumbled and sat down, knowing this was the only way he would get any answers.
Over the next few minutes, Ivorn calmly explained what had happened with Shiksie after he head left. According to Ivorn, once Martinez had left Shiksie in her house, she drank; drank to the point it was nearly lethal.
By the time Ivorn had arrived, she was three beers deep and was about to have liver failure. If not for Martinez telling Ivorn she would have died. Following that, Shiksie spent several days in the ICU, needing it to not die.
After Shiksie was out of the ICU, she vanished, never showing up to work again. The director also told Ivorn not to mention anything that happened between Martinez and Shiksie to anyone, along with instructions to funnel the human to the Director once he returned.
“So you don’t know where she is?” Martinez said.
“No, I don’t,” Ivorn admitted.
“Then why the fuck am I here? I need to find her,” Martinez replied, standing up and heading toward the door.
“No, you are not,” Ivorn barked, stopping Martinez. “The director made it clear. The only reason you were not fired, and she was not in jail, was because Shiksie left.”
Martinez turned around and glared at Ivorn, knowing damn well what the director had pulled his friend into—a cover-up. Things like that were all to common in the Military and large corporations. It was easier to hush things up than face the reality of what happened. ;
“So for your own sake. Forget about her,” Ivorn sighed.
“Forget her! What the fuck are you on about. She is my friend; I have to help her,” Martinez argued, stepping forward and leaning on the desk with both hands. “She needs help.”
“Oh, does she? I dont think she does. You just want to feel better after having made her nearly kill herself.” Ivorne challenged with a growl—the last two weeks of having to hold his emotions overflowing.
Ivorn might like Martinez as a friend, but Shiksie deserved more than this. She was kind, a bit aloof, but for Kilera’s sake, why did she have to fall in love with a detestable asshole who thought he could solve everything alone.
Martinez paused and was taken aback by the challenge. Of course, he wanted to help her. Shiksie was his friend, mentor, and a woman he lov—er liked dearly. This was not about him but her.
“Are you high? I want to make sure she is OK,” Martinez replied, pointing at Ivorn.
“Oh, shut the fuck up and stop grandstanding,” Ivorn replied, standing to his full height. Usually, Ivorn, due to his gorilla-like build and posture, only stood as tall as Martinez. But at his full grandeur—he nearly touched the ceiling. “If you gave a fuck about her, you would have asked for help with her. You would not have gone into her house, knowing damn well she loved you.”
Ivorn stepped around the desk and jammed a finger into Martinez’s chest. “Now you have the fucking gall to think she needs you? How about you face reality and understand you fucked up and can't fix it.”
“Woah Ivor—” Martinez started backing up, but his friend persisted.
“How about you get that you are not some infallible bastion? What you have done has caused so many issues. My friend and mentor is gone; now we all have to suffer because you just had to not say no!” Ivorn growled, nearly pressing Martinez to the wall.
“We all like you. Sursee, Shiksie, Therein, Harnsis, fuck even me. But dude, you fucked up and have just to let bad enough die,” Ivorn said, backing up and giving Martinez some room. “Just go talk to the director in the morning. He will tell you the same.”
Martinez was going to argue to assure Ivorn he could fix this. But Sursee stepping into the room deflated any tension between the two.
“Can you two not yell at each other?” Sursee asked.
Ivorn turned to Sursee, returning to his usual leisurely posture. “Don’t worry about it, Sursee. Henry was just leaving. Right?” Ivorn said, looking at Martinez, his last shred of patience visible.
“Yeah. I am,” Martinez said, slipping past Sursee, who, for her lovable part, tried to reach out and grab him, but Ivorn stopped her and shook his head.
Martinez stormed out of the house and went toward his own, refusing to believe that he could do nothing to fix this. There was always something he could do. He just did not know the answer yet.
Without a doubt, even if he had to sell his soul to the devil, Martinez knew he would find Shiksie and make this all ok.
It just would cost him, blood, sweat, tears, and all he had to give.
​
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So what did you all think of book two? Shiksie is MIA, Lysa is going through mood swings, and Martinez needs to get he cant fix it all on his own. We covered a lot in this book and we will cover even more in the third book where Chloe, Martinez, Lysa, and the rest of our cast will have to deal with a kidnapping ring, doctors, and their own physiology.
Please do not forget to updoot, and comment. I will see you all there.
your baker
-Pirate
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Hi all,
(Using a throwaway account.)
I (M,42) will try to summarize my story as much as possible. I am just trying to give the right context as I feel that this is necessary to give an honest account of the situation. (otherwise skip to “This takes us to the situation we are in today.”) My main question would be if you think my partner (F, 44) is possibly abusing me without me realizing it? My main struggle is that I really do not know anymore how to react to her and I am really starting to doubt myself.
Current family situation is me living with my partner, our daughter (F,8) and every other week my daughter out of my previous marriage (F,15)
I met my current partner around 2 years after my divorce. My divorce was "handled" quite well but from an emotional perspective I still found it quite traumatic. More than I would have thought. Everything started to go downhill when our daughter was born 2 months early. There was the whole process of having to go back and forth to the hospital for 2 months to see our daughter. All the joy of childbirth is sort of taken away from you. My ex got postpartum depression and I got a burnout and a depression after that. We basically grew apart, started to get interested in other people and she eventually cheated on me with somebody from group therapy. I felt quite guilty towards my daughter and I basically never wanted it to come to a divorce. I really felt that she was "the love of my life".
Things started off quite well with Mari about 10 years ago. (For the sake of the story let's call her Mari). We met online and at that time she was trying to have a baby through IVF to be a single mom. She already had many tries and she was not having any success. She also had had some miscarriages. Once we started to get serious she stopped the treatment and we discussed having a child together. After a bit more than a year together we bought a house and shortly after that we tried to get pregnant. Seeing her history we consulted with fertility services. Although the results of the tests were not great we managed to get pregnant spontaneously after less then 6 months. Really a surprise. But we were happy.
Our daughter was born a bit more than a month early. (Lets call her Kirsten) Again we were not granted a "normal" childbirth and again we had to go back and forth to the hospital to see our daughter. It was not as intense as with my first daughter but still a lot of the joy was again replaced with stress and worry. It was clear that Mari was also not handling this very well. She started to get panic attacks at home. She could not leave the couch anymore and was being prescribed different medications including Xanax by our GP. I was really worried at this point and had no faith in our GP prescribing all this sort of medication. So I rang up here Gyno and she had her readmitted to the hospital and arranged a psych consult. There they advised on having her admitted to a psych ward specifically for mothers together with their child. In the end we did not do this as we found this a bit drastic.
Once Kirsten got home everything started to pick up again but Mari was not taking care of herself when it came to her depression. She had a few sessions with a psychiatrist but fairly quickly stopped going. "She had told her story and that was that. She felt like there was nothing that anybody could really do for her." After a while she started to feel a bit better but I knew this was going to backfire, having been depressed for a long time myself.
Kirsten was not an easy baby. She had trouble eating, sleeping and she cried from the moment you stopped moving. So when taking a stroll, when in the car, etc... This made it very difficult to actually do something with her. I do not want to exaggerate this, I know this is not that uncommon, but I do think it really put more stress on the relationship Mari had with the baby.
When Kirsten was around 2,5 years old she got pneumonia and she had to stay in the hospital for more than a week. She could not leave the bed. Somebody had to stay with her during the night also. Mari said she was just not able to do this. She just "could not cope with that". So I was there almost every night. My mother in law also did 2 nights. At that time I really did not understand what to make of that situation. Why she could not take some responsibility as a mother.
Our relationship was under some stress, but I figured this was not that strange with a young child and I did not want to push her. Especially the physical part of our relationship was really taking a blow. It started with having less and less sex and then evolving into less physical interaction in general.
Shortly after that we got the message from the kindergarten teacher that we maybe should have Kirsten checked for possible developmental disorders. After several months of testing we got the diagnosis of ASD. There were definitely things that had had us worried before. Kirsten would get mad and pull out her hair. It had taken a very long time before she could walk, she would be scared to go to kids parties,...
In the meanwhile Mari started to talk about having another baby. This was something that we never really discussed before. I was not a fan of another baby because I felt that we were having issues in handling the situation as it was. (Especially Mari) I already had had 2 early born babies and really did not want this a third time. We would be completely in over our heads. She said that this was what she wanted from the start and that she had mentioned this when we met. For me this was not the case. This was just never talked about before. We discussed this a few times and I really made it clear that for me this was not an option. She kept bringing up the topic. Especially in bed. And I really started to feel like she was using this as leverage or sort of pascoin to have sex. She would also keep saying that I did not wanted to talk about it. I would explain to her that we discussed it and that I explained my view and that there was basically nothing else to discuss.
At a certain moment I caved for the always repeating nagging. I’m not sure why. Maybe we had a few better weeks or I took pity in her or I don’t know. But we decided we were going to try for another baby. I think it took around half a year before she was pregnant again. Only to get the news at 12 weeks that the heart of the baby was not beating. This for me was the final “sign” that I did not want to try anymore.
Looking back I think this is where I really handled the situation badly. I should never have caved on trying for another child and I also think that I probably did not support her well enough after the miscarriage. All this was not intentional but still… Mari on the other hand was mad that she was so close to getting what she wanted but lost it in the end. I really feel like this is a key moment in our relationship that she totally blamed on me.
After this the lack of affection just became bigger. Where before it was mostly purely physical contact that she blocked it was now becoming affection in general. Every time I brought up the subject there would be “excuses” or she would just change the subject. Things like “I was never cuddly”, “I never had a (high) sexdrive”,... this was just not true. She would also say things like that she was tired because she had to do everything around the house. So deflecting the actual topic with something that had a core of truth but was completely beside the point of the conversation.
I am by no means perfect and I know that I could probably do a bit more around the house when it comes to daily chores. But I also do a lot of things in the family that Mari never does. I get up during the night when there is an issue with the kids, I get up in the morning with the kids and let her sleep in, I handle most of the “difficult situations” with the kids, take the kids to school in the morning,... Basically everything that is more kids and emotional related in the family I handle and she handles a lot of the practical daily stuff.The kids know this and will naturally come to me when there is an issue because I will handle it calmly, while Mari is a lot less predictable. She also only works 4 days a week and if she has a late shift or a weekend I am covering this at home. Afterwards she will get days off for this but I will still just work my 5 days during the week. I also have no hobbies that make me be away from home. Only thing is that I am away 3 times a year for 3 days for work.
A couple years later my oldest (lets call her Denise) was starting to have issues. She was around 11-12 when this started. It started really small, other kids saying that she was weird, she was having some confidence issues. Nothing to be worried about at first. She had always been an easy, happy child. We sort of thought that it was mainly a teenager thing. Also the relationship between Mari and Denise had always been fine.
But things only got worse over the time of a year. She was starting to get depressed, getting panic attacks, suicide thoughts,... She was basically going to school only half of the time and this was putting a lot of stress on our family. Each day would be a surprise on how she would feel. It was also not safe to leave her alone. She was getting professional help once a week but this of course did not really resolve the situation quickly. I went to the E.R. with her several times because she had a panic attack and she thought she was going to hurt herself. (Which she did sometimes. Or she would eat like something dangerous and then panic) In the E.R. they basically just did a psych consult to make sure she would not kill herself that night and then sent her home because there were just no spots in the children's psych ward.
The relationship between Denise and Mari took a turn for the worst. I totally understand that this was a difficult situation for Mari (as for the rest of us) but what really struck me was the total lack of empathy toward me or Denise. She was basically convinced that this was all just attention seeking from Denise and I was being played. This was of course also clear to Denise. Me and my ex were doing everything we could to provide the best possible help for Denise. All while Mari thought we were totally overreacting and we should send her back to school. She would make remarks if I had to take time off work when I had to take Denise to an appointment. “It is always something, don't you need to work?” Mari could only see the impact this had on her and that she had to live with this situation while this was not her problem.
One situation is still carved in my mind. During one of her difficult days Denise had written her thoughts on paper because this sometimes helped. She had thrown away the paper in the paper bin but it was lying on top and Mari had read the paper. In the paper it said that Denise never wanted Mari to be part of our lives and that she hated her. Mari was furious and confronted Denise with this. Denise tried to explain that this was written on a bad day and that she was sorry. Mari would not have any of it. She would not accept an apology and she would basically the next weeks act like Denise was not there. As far as she was concerned Denise was not her issue anymore.
For me this was completely unreal. I can understand that you are maybe not very happy when you read something like that, but we are talking about a 13 year old child that clearly has issues. She is still the adult in the situation and that is no way to handle a situation like that. There was totally no empathy towards me or Denise. Mari could also not understand that I did not choose her side in this.
We are now 2 years after that fight and Denise and Mari have VERY slowly started to communicate again. But mostly they still sort of ignore each other. The last 2 years Denise basically did not go to school but she was able to follow more structured therapy. She got tested and just like her smaller sister she has ASD although in a more subtle form. She is doing quite well the last few months and can hopefully start school again in a special educational needs school in september.
This takes us to the situation we are in today.
Mari is basically constantly in a bad mood. (Even Kirsten says this. “Mommy is always angry”) There is no affection whatsoever anymore towards me. Everything is a remark. Not always a nasty remark, but still a remark.
There is no empathy towards me or Denise. There are no compliments, no “how was your day?”, no interest whatsoever. To Kirsten she sort of forces herself to show affection but it always feels a bit off.
When I bring up the fact that I cannot touch her anymore, that she has no interest in me, that she cannot say a nice word to me, she just ignores it.
She wants me to sit with her in the evening to watch some television or whatever and she wants me to come to bed when she goes to bed. But she does not understand that I see no reason to go sit with her because I cannot sit close to her and it is only to get more remarks. The same with going to bed. I cannot come close to her and she always complains that I snore.
It is just a constant rain of (usually small) remarks but NEVER a good word. And when I sometimes say something back or make a remark towards her it is like I committed murder.
A few months ago I was in the hospital with severe pneumonia. When she visited she was all about how hard it was to take care of Kirsten alone. (I admit that it is not easy) Then when I was there for almost a week she asked me if I would be coming home? I said that it would take longer than a week before I could come home. (I was still on oxygen and had not been able to leave my bed unless to go shower sitting down or to the toilet. I had not been off my room.) She was like “You have got to be kidding me! I cannot keep doing this alone at home!” I was totally baffled. What was I supposed to say to that?
We also have a hard time really providing a good structured environment for Kirsten her ASD. Again not that strange, lots of parents are struggling. But the weird thing with Mari is that she tries to find solutions, but she is not willing to really change or adapt herself to the situation. It should be like a solution that only affects Kirsten. I have already tried to explain to her that this is something we need to tackle as a family and that we all need to adapt. But she only sees the impact it has on her. “All the issues originate from things or people around her and they need to be solved there. It is never Mari that needs to change.”
We are doing a pretty good job at keeping the family running from a practical perspective. And Mari plays a big part in this. But like already mentioned from the moment she would need to change something about herself this is a no go.
For Denise's therapy there were also family sessions. I was able to get Mari to go to one with me. That ended really badly. She said that we were attacking her. She knew she shouldn't have come. (During therapy, not afterwards.) After that I was never able to get her to come again. Even not after personal calls from the therapist to her.
All these therapists tell me the same thing after I paint them the picture: “How do you keep doing this?”
The therapist that came over this week for a “family session” told me that I really needed to start taking better care of myself because a lot of these things were sounding a lot like psychological abuse. She told me to contact my psychiatrist or a therapist to help me in coping with this behavior and see what my options are in the long run.
I cannot stop thinking about this. I do not know what to do or how to react anymore to Mari. I feel like nothing really helps. I would love to have her go to couples therapy with me and sort this out because I still love her and I do not want another split family. But I also think that is just not going to happen. I really feel that the last few months I’m starting to doubt myself and lose myself. Am I the difficult one in this situation? Am I overlooking something fundamental in my behavior?
I would love to hear your thoughts.

Backstory: We’ve been friends for about six years and after we graduated we’ve become a little less close but our friends all hang out together still. For the past few months she’s stopped eating as much and our friends are concerned about her.
We were texting a week ago and she suddenly sent me a screenshot of one of her friend’s conversations where she admits she had anorexia (medically she is getting better and she gets regular help). Our conversation before had absolutely nothing to do with this.
But I told her she has a problem and she needs help. I gave her some advice but she said she won't follow it because she “doesn’t want to change her routine”. In the screenshot her friend gave her advice (extremely similar to mine) and she replied by saying it worked and thanked her.
I just felt really angry at this point, because I assumed my friend brought this up out of the blue because she wanted help, and the only other reason I can think of is that she wants sympathy. So I told her if she’s not willing to help herself she should stop bringing any of this up to me and to “stop acting like she wants help when she just wants people to feel bad for her”. She said I was being insensitive and I told her to stop being such an attention seeker if she’s willing to waste my time to make me feel bad for her if she doesn’t even want help. She asked me if I was insane and I stopped texting her flat out.
A few days later I texted her again saying I was just angry and I took it out on her. I said my point still stands though, and we exchanged some harsh words. She said I was an “insensitive bitch” and I should learn to think before sending anything. I said I agree my words could have been less harsh, and expected this to cool down a little. She then said I should “fix myself” and said I “act like I’m the only one who matters”.
I thought she was being a hypocrite, because in the past, she has done things that have hurt my feelings, but when I call her out on it, she just brushes it off and says the fact that I’m mad about anything is stupid. She has done things like this so many times I‘ve just stopped telling her things have hurt me and have just started taking it.
The conversation finished after I said I’ll start thinking before saying right after she stops trying to one up me all the time (this is one of the reasons I have told her she’s hurt my feelings about and she told me I was making a big deal out of nothing). She told me she never does that (she definitely has, even if she hasn’t noticed and I have tried to call her out on it before) and if she does it’s because of my massive ego.
I really don’t want to lose her as a friend — should I have apologised?

Chapter 122 Sir Janus burst into the pavilion. He had ditched his elegant black Imperial Knight suit for his old grease-stained beige fencing uniform. His beard, previously neatly trimmed, now resembled its usual bird-nest unkempt style, hiding the gruesome scar on his neck. The tournament aides tried to intercept him, but Sir Janus bulldozed through them like a buffalo charging across a cornfield.
“Move aside. I’m a damn Imperial Knight,” Janus grunted as another pair of aides moved to cut him out. He, indeed, didn’t look like an Imperial Knight. In fact, he seemed pretty much intoxicated.
Sir Janus effortlessly knocked over an empty bench as he stumbled through the pavilion. Even the Master of Ceremonies lost track of his words and turned around to see what was causing the commotion. I assumed Sir Janus was searching for Captain Kiln, but to my surprise, he approached me. Meanwhile, the Master of Ceremonies called the final fight—Firana versus Belya Nara, the daughter of Lord Nara.
Firana sprung to her feet and walked to the weapons rack.
“We need to talk, Scholar,” Sir Janus mumbled, putting his heavy hand over my shoulder before I could follow Firana. He was totally intoxicated.
Considering Firana’s confidence was through the roof and the fact we had already secured a victory in the bracket regardless of the outcome, I guessed she wouldn’t miss the last-minute pep-talk.
“I have a moment,” I replied, then asked Ilya to check on Firana in my place. With a nod, Ilya approached the weapons rack, but Firana signaled her to return to the bench. Despite Firana’s gesture, Ilya wrapped her arm around Firana’s neck and whispered a few words in her ear.
I wondered if it was a threat or advice. I hoped it was the latter.
“Come with me,” Janus slurred, guiding me outside the pavilion under the noble teams' glances.
We walked around the Great Hall, passing through a dim corridor into a small cobbled yard where the guardsmen exercised away from prying eyes. Janus looked around, making sure we were alone. Suddenly, any signs of intoxication vanished from his face. I couldn’t help but notice he hadn’t brought Captain Kiln along with us. If this impromptu meeting was due to the last attack on the orphanage, I expected her to be present.
“What’s the matter? I should be in the arena overseeing my team,” I said.
“Did you know Darius Holst has a Silence Hex?” Sir Janus whispered.
The question caught me off guard. The only people who knew about the Hex were Elincia, Captain Kiln, and me. I hadn’t expected Holst to be flaunting the mark around. I examined our surroundings. We were alone, and even the roaring sound of the crowd had vanished.
“I saw the hex engraved in his flesh,” I replied, but before I could ask any questions in return, Janus continued with his interrogation.
“Did you tell Izabeka about it?” Sir Janus’ tone became more urgent by the second.
“Of course I did. Don’t you find it alarming? There is someone out there who wants me dead. Captain Kiln might be the orphanage’s only real lifeline,” I replied.
Sir Janus stroked his beard as he walked from side to side in the corridor.
“Do you trust high-borns, Robert?”
For a moment, I was unsure what to answer. I trusted nobles just enough to take their word at face value. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have negotiated our place in the tournament with the Marquis and Prince Adrien.
“Captain Kiln wouldn’t betray us,” I cautiously replied. I couldn’t say the same of the Prince or the Marquis with complete certainty.
Sir Janus nodded as if he vaguely agreed. His questions, however, were starting to make me nervous.
“Izabeka might be one of the few nobles with a little bit of honor left, but she is loyal to the marquisate,” Janus said in a hushed voice. He glanced around once more before continuing. “I need your help, Robert. I think you and I might be standing on a snare.”
I shook my head, puzzled by Janus’ words. The orphanage enjoyed the royal family's support, and the Marquis had even offered me a title if I won the tournament. We even had Risha and Astrid back at the manor protecting the kids. The orphanage couldn’t be in a better position.
Did all this have to do with the last attack on the orphanage? At first glance, the operation didn’t seem orchestrated by someone closely connected to the high ranks of the nobility; the attackers were too weak and too sloppy. Even the Marquis had access to several level 40 warriors within the Guard and the Sentinels, and he was a low-ranking noble in the grand scheme of the kingdom.
“What does Holst’s Silence Hex have to do with anything?” I asked, trying to unravel Janus’ words.
He shook his head, disappointed.
“Come on, Scholar, use your brain. Silence Hex is a high-level spell. Historically, nobles have used it after ordering their subordinates to commit unlawful acts, to clean their tracks,” Janus explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I think the Marquis put the Silence Hex on Holst. Izabeka isn’t stupid; she will connect the dots and realize that whatever Holst did, the Marquis ordered it.”
An indirect order. The Marquis couldn’t tell Captain Kiln that he had ordered Holst to attack the orphanage, but she could deduce it via the Silence Hex. For better or worse, loyalty was Captain Kiln's most important trait, and her allegiance to the marquisate went further back than her friendship with the orphanage. The Kiln, Holst, and Abei families had roots in Farcrest since its foundation. It wasn’t just blood that bound the families; it was history itself.
“Why are you telling me this now? Do you think Captain Kiln is going to betray us?” I asked.
“I don’t think Captain Kiln would betray us. I think we are stepping on a trap, and if she realized it, she might be too loyal to warn us,” Janus said.
His words weighed on my shoulders.
“Listen, Scholar. We are in the eye of the storm, but no matter what happens with the Farlands campaign or the new trade routes, nobles will still have to deal with each other. We, the lowly commoners, are expendable.”
A tale as old as history.
Suddenly, Janus surrounded himself with black mana and disappeared. Shadow Step. I looked around, but he was nowhere to be found.
“I’m good at sneaking into places, hearing things. It has helped me navigate nobility affairs since I got my Advanced Class,” Janus said, standing a few meters behind me. “I believe Kellaren Odrac-Aias has been working with the Marquis all this time. The Aias family has been a vassal to the Marquis of Farcrest for three generations, and I don’t see Tauron letting that bond disappear. Too much wasted military power. If Kellaren proves to be a better investment than we are, our position in Farcrest hangs by a thread.”
“But Kellaren is working with Lord Osgiria,” I pointed out.
“And what makes you think the Marquis isn’t playing both sides?” Janus interrupted me. “If the Farlands campaign succeeds and a path into the Kingdom of Tagabiria opens, new commercial routes will appear. Farcrest will be the most important city in the kingdom, but it can be more. The Marquis could be happy and benefit from tariffs… or he could assemble his own routes. And who is the most capable person to establish those routes?”
“Lord Osgiria,” I muttered. The man had the knowledge, the contacts, and the supplies to establish and monopolize the new trade routes. The Osgirians had already done that once by controlling the southern frontier.
Janus’ suspicions made sense. Even Captain Kiln admitted that a Silence Hex was a high-level spell, but at the same time, its mere presence was a powerful indicator that someone wanted to keep a secret. Captain Kiln’s assurance that the Marquis wasn’t a tyrant but a pragmatic person seemed weaker now. I had been inclined to believe Kellaren was behind all the incidents the orphanage had suffered, but Captain Kiln might not have been aware of his relationship with the Marquis.
“I’m still not sure the Marquis is working with the Osgirians. That would be high treason against the royalist faction,” I said.
Other than a vague plausibility, Janus’ theory had many holes.
“The last attack on the orphanage didn’t make sense,” I added. The Marquis was gaining popularity with the royalist faction because of me and the orphanage. Even now, we are beating Team Nara into the ground. So far, Prince Adrien seemed satisfied with my performance, which reflects well on the Marquis. Why would the Marquis risk all he had already accomplished with the royal faction?
Janus nodded. “It didn’t make sense until I found the missing link. Firana,” he said, lowering his voice.
A shiver ran down my spine.
“What’s wrong with her?” I asked.
Far away, the crowd roared. The fight had started.
“Kellaren needs Firana to rebuild the Aias Mercenaries and bring them back to their old numbers, and you are the only one anchoring her to the orphanage,” Janus said. “The Marquis tried to sabotage the orphanage for fodder for the royal army before. Now, he might be the one trying to kill you. He needs to sever the bond between Firana and the orphanage. If Firana takes charge of the Aias Mercenaries, the Marquis will have enough loyal and experienced manpower to escort huge caravans at a very low price before anyone else.”
It made sense. Early investors always get the best returns. The Marquis controlled the Farlands with the Sentinels and defended the city with the Guard, but he lacked an armed wing to operate outside the frontiers of Farcrest. The new path between Ebros and the Kingdom of Tagabiria would change the inner politics of the kingdom forever, and I didn’t doubt everyone wanted to take their part. The Marquis had been preparing the ground for the big moment for years, and he could turn his back on the royal faction if that benefited Farcrest the most.
There was only one piece missing in Janus' story.
“How does this affect you?” I asked.
“Before the old Marquis picked me up, I was a street rat when Farcrest was a hellhole where criminals were sent to die, Robert. A bunch of newcomers will not want what I have built for myself,” Janus grunted. “We can’t touch the Marquis, but if we break the link between him and the Osgirian dogs, we will put him in a position that favors us.”
Whether Janus was right in his assessment of the political situation or not, getting Kellaren out of the picture sounded like a win-win situation. Despite Kellaren being closely related to a series of crimes against royal troops, Captain Kiln’s investigation wasn’t going anywhere. Janus seemed like the kind of man who didn’t care about working outside the law.
“Do you have anything we can use against Kellaren?” I asked.
“Just fragments of conversations and circumstantial evidence, I’m not going to lie. But I believe Kellaren holds receipts of all the shady business he had conducted since the death of the Aias leadership,” Janus smiled. “If we find those ledgers and letters, we could sever the tie between the Marquis and the Osgirians and strengthen the alliance between him and the royal faction.”
So far, our survival strategy has been preparing our defenses and hoping for the best, but that will not work forever. It would only take one word from a powerful lord to wipe the orphanage out of existence. It might be time to take the offensive.
The crowd roared again.
“I need proof,” I said.
“I only have my word. It’s not like I can record conversations,” Sir Janus replied, looking around and lowering his voice until it was a little more than a whisper. “I’m not asking you to believe me; frankly, I might be wrong. I hope I’m wrong. But if my suspicion is right, we are in big trouble. Look, Robert, I’m not asking you to betray the Marquis. I’m just asking for your help to expose Kerallen.”
I nodded. It seemed fair enough.
“I assume we are infiltrating the Odrac-Aias stronghold?” I said.
“Yes, we are infiltrating Kellaren’s manor in the Southern District. The tournament is the perfect distraction. We should wait for further rounds when the stakes are higher, and the matches are more exciting. I will let you know,” Sir Janus said, turning around and walking towards the Great Hall. I did the same but in the opposite direction.
Before I could turn the corner, Sir Janus stopped me.
“And tell the Aias kid not to show off. The better she performs the juicier the target she will be for Kellaren,” he said.
That would be difficult.
The situation remained almost the same. As long as I was useful for the royalist faction, the orphanage would be safe. However, I didn’t expect the Marquis to be flirting with the opposite side, considering how close he was to the Prince. What worried me was Firana. Whether she liked it or not, she was an essential political piece on the board.
I hoped Janus’ was wrong, but at the same time, I knew it was a vain hope.
I returned to the pavilion just to find the crowd going wild.
A sandstone spike emerged from the ground, but Firana jumped out of the way, putting on an acrobatic show and falling light as a feather. Dozens of sandstone spikes and columns emerged from the ground. Stone debris was scattered around the arena as if a giant had decided to topple part of the Great Hall.
Belya Nara kicked the ground, sending a two-meter solid sandstone wave toward Firana. The ground undulated under Firana’s feet, but with the help of [Windrider], she jumped over the stone wave and used the sandstone spikes to propel herself toward Belya.
The crowd roared.
Belya raised her mace and blocked Firana’s shortsword before unleashing a whirlwind of sand. Firana retreated to avoid the sand and waited until the spell lost power to lunge again. A slab of stone stood where Belya was a moment earlier. Firana stopped in her tracks, but the stone slab crumbled, revealing Belya’s mace. The surprise attack almost got Firana, but the girl contorted in a seemingly impossible movement and cartwheeled out of reach.
“What’s the score?” I asked as I sat on the bench between Elincia and Wolf. Ilya was standing on the edge of the arena, yelling instructions. She reminded me of the soccer coaches from the big European leagues.
Elincia instinctively searched for my hand; her’s was sweaty.
“Five barriers down each. Belya Nara is surprisingly talented. She hasn’t stopped casting skills since the start of the combat,” Zaon replied, his eyes glued to the combat.
“Don’t let Ilya and Firana know you compliment other girls,” Wolf joked.
Zaon shuddered and focused back on the combat.
Firana circled Belya, looking for an opening, but the Nara girl was comfortable controlling the center of the arena where the sandstone spikes were sparser. Firana was forced to slither between the sandstone spikes, one eye on Belya and the other on her surroundings. Then, she disappeared. Belya Nara looked around, but Firana wasn’t behind the sandstone spikes anymore.
The nobles in the VIP box stood against the rail guard, burying Ginz in a sea of taller and more muscular bodies.
Belya Nara looked up and summoned her defensive sand in a whirlwind, but Firana used Aerokinesis to disturb the spell before it could gather enough force. Firana landed feet first on Belya’s shoulders, sending her to the ground. The barriers around her body protected her from the impact, but Firana seized the moment to slash one of her barriers. Belya cushioned her fall, turning the ground into fluid sand, and swung her rock-covered mace, but Firana effortlessly pushed off her back and repositioned.
“Blind her! Stick her with the pointy end!” Ilya yelled from the sideline.
“You got it, boss!” Firana yelled back as she cast Aerokinesis with her foot and kicked a substantial amount of sand at Belya’s face.
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34/m/Georgia, USA. A semi follow up to a question asked long ago, but now have even more questions. Have found almost all the breadcrumbs left by my aunt for stocks bought for me in the now Canadian Pacific Kansas City LTD via Computershare Canada.
Have one physical certificate with 18 shares. Had visited a family friend who is a financial advisor for help tracking down how to sell and cash these out, but he gave me the incorrect forms for Computershare USA.
I have called Computershare Canada, and found all the right forms to fully transfer this into my name, but what I would like to do is SELL, and be done with this stuff. I tried to ask the phone rep about what to do to sell, but she said Computershare does not sell. How do I go about selling these? Do I or do I not need a broker?