I just need a place to share our story to where someone will hear it, rather than just shouting it inside my head all day long. I have almost no friends or family I can be this vulnerable with, so I thought I’d give the entire internet a go, anonymously. Here goes.
My husband and I have been married for about 10 years. We have 4 little kids, all under 6. A little over 5 years ago, my husband confessed to me that he had a serious 🌽 addiction he had been hiding for me for our entire relationship. His confession felt like a trap door opened, and I fell through it as he explained each and every lie he had been telling all this time. It was an uphill battle to rescue our marriage after all of that deceit and betrayal. He went to a twelve step and truly turned things around, and has been sober ever since a few months into his journey. We really did recover from that time and our trust has been repaired. We set fresh boundaries with opposite sx relationships and really put up hedges of protection around our marriage.
Fast forward to about 8 months ago.
He confessed that during his addiction, he also sought out and frequently returned to old 🌽 pictures of his close female friend (they are no longer friends, as I mentioned earlier we changed that up). When this came up, I asked to see his old messages with her and as it would appear to me, they had a full on emotional affair, in addition him viewing these pictures. Whether or not she knew he was looking at them isn’t known because they never talked about that, but hints were dropped.
They’d have longggg text conversations and hang out all the time. She worked at his office. They had lunch together every day just about. She was VERY openly flirty with him and rude toward me. They talked about all sorts of things and clearly had a close emotional bond as well as some flirty moments as well, and then the pictures he intentionally searched for and found from a previous 🌽 shoot she did years before that he was viewing all throughout this inappropriate friendship. Of course, that part is one sided. But still.
Of course when he told me this I was devastated by this and instantly went to a place of comparison. Keep in mind that this woman is an ex 🌽 worker and I am just a freshly postpartum stay at home mom of 4. I asked my husband, in a desperate pursuit of something that may make me feel better, if he liked me better than her.
Side note (sorry in advance for all the side notes haha) my husband has diagnosed OCD and bipolar II. Brutal and compulsive honesty is a huge symptom and though we have been working on this problem for much of our marriage, it still rears its head once in a while. My husbands mental health problems are a massive burden on him and of course I support him in his healing however, his untreated mental health problems have also wrecked havoc over our relationship and made it really difficult for me, as well.
Back to the question I asked him that caused the downfall of the last 8 months of my life:
He told me no. He told me he liked her better. He told me she was thinner. He told me she didn’t have stretch marks (she’s never had a baby) he told me she gets ready every day and does her make up. I don’t.
This hurt terribly, so I asked more questions, yet again seeking more reassurance. I know you’ll think that’s dumb, and in hindsight, so do I. But this was all so shocking. Never in our marriage has he spoken about my body this brutally. He’s never made a single negative comment about my appearance whatsoever. This came as a complete shock and I was hoping I just misunderstood. I wasn’t expecting what came next.
He had an absolute meltdown, confessing to me every mean and dark thought he had ever had about me and our marriage. He told me he regrets marrying me, he thinks about leaving, he thinks I’m less attractive than most women, he’s not proud to be with me, liked me better before I had children, thinks he can do better and he settled, he compares me to every woman he sees and routinely finds that the other woman is better, and so much more.
From this space, I’m sure it sounds like he said this all out of spite with some harsh tone of voice, just trying to hurt me any way he can. In reality, he was weeping and drowning in shame. He thought confessing these things to me would help, and claims he had no idea I’d be as destroyed as I am. This confuses me to this day, but two therapists have explained that this can happen with bipolar as sometimes the internal world can be so extremely painful that the external world feels out of touch at times, and that’s what my husband described this as.
I don’t know how relevant this information is, but I think it’s worth saying, I don’t think he was wrong when he was saying all of that. I was overweight by a significant amount, and drowning in child rearing, breastfeeding, housework, and postpartum depression. When he spoke this to me, I had already been on a somewhat new weight loss journey and had already lost 20lbs. Since then, I’ve lost 50 more (70 total) and I am now at a healthy weight and body fat percentage is within the athletic range as I’ve picked up running to cope with all this stress. I’ve also made a lot of changes to my appearances just by doing my hair and makeup every day, showering daily, and dressing cute for the day. I have been feeling more confident and more able to love myself in these ways as I watch my hard work pay off. This has led to me receiving a lot of male attention for my appearances more recently, sometimes when my husband is with me even.
It has been over eight months since that horrific day. It has been a STRUGGLE. We are both in individual counseling and marriage counseling weekly, spending a fortune and hours upon hours of our time on healing. We’re both taking meds at this point for mental health. We’re both reading endless self help books, talking with mentors, absolutely drenching our lives with healing because our marriage is that important to both of us. My husband has been on a mission to learn more about why he had this previously mentioned emotional affair. He is uncovering some unhealed childhood wounds and unmet needs. In addition to seeing a psych and a therapist, he’s in a men’s support group, and has weekly calls with a mentor just to try to work through some of this mess. He’s doing a lot of work on these issues.
In the past eight months, my husband has gone from claiming he’s not proud to be with me because I’m not very attractive to now claiming I’m the most beautiful woman and he married way up. He sees the male attention and can be somewhat protective in the moment and give a glare or whatever, but then when we get home later he tells me he knows how pretty I am and isn’t too bothered by others telling me so because he knows I’m his. He showers me in constant compliments these days, brings me home flowers here or there, random iced coffees on his lunch break, shows up to marriage counseling with pen and pad and reviews his notes throughout the week, takes me for date night weekly, sends me off for a surprise afternoon shopping break from the kids randomly from time to time, texts and calls me throughout the day, and just pours effort into our marriage. When we fight or I get triggered, he just listens and apologizes and tries to comfort me, even when I say the most ridiculous and mean stuff. Of course sometimes he messes up and says things that offend me and he quickly takes responsibility. He’s made a LOT of changes since 5 years ago and many changes since 8 months ago as well.
But then there’s me. I have been a disaster ever since that day. I am so hot and cold. I toggle between being certain I’m hideous and unlovable and being certain I’m loved and safe. I find myself frantic with anxiety, always waiting on the other shoe to drop. I will randomly just feel like he’s cheating on me or feel like he’s hiding something, and it will eat me up until I talk with him about it and he hands me all his devices and I look through them all. I’m constantly mirror checking, certainly have body dysmorphia, and although I’ve lost the vast majority of the weight in a healthy way, I’ve teetered at times on the edge of an eating disorder. I am struggling to believe a positive word he says and feeling so sure he’s going to flip any second now and break me down with his words.
We just had such a close marriage and to find out that not only did he have this inappropriate relationship with this woman, but he also willingly let himself resent me so much for just struggling on my hardest days. I completely get needing to express to your partner that you want them to take better care of themselves and I’m certain that conversation has to be difficult no matter how well it’s handled, but I feel like I was really beaten down in a way I did not deserve. And now I’m really struggling to trust that we’re ok now and we can leave it in the past. How do I stop comparing myself to every other woman we walk by? How can I trust that he’s not still just resenting me for my appearances? How do I believe a single kind word he says? How do I forgive him for that disaster, knowing we both walked away with so much that we needed in the end anyway? And how do I stop believing I am married to someone who doesn’t love me?

Senatorial Conference Room Snek Empire

"You call this a victory?" President OneSnek of the senatorial inquiry board bristled.
"Yes, I do!" Admiral Snekar III answered. "Hostilities have ceased, and we have access to all their resources. It was a textbook victory."
OneSnek's facial expression showed he was not having it. He continued his questioning, "Did they lower themselves to you? Did they grovel and plead for mercy? I don't care about textbook victories. I want real victories."
"I'm not sure if this is possible at all. Even when those giants lie down as flat as possible, they are still taller than us. How should we ask such a creature to lower itself for us?" The admiral wriggled nervously. "I made them grovel, though."
OneSnek eyed the admiral suspiciously and asked, "How were you able to subjugate these large creatures? The two previous assaults failed. Two armies killed to the very last Snek."
The admiral coughed and started to speak, "Through brilliance and strategic genius, I, Admiral Snekar the Third, Grand Marshal of the 2nd Fleet, First Overseer of the 12th Recon, and High General of the 15th Army—" His speech broke off when he saw a group of Sneks worming in with a projector and a battle-damaged droid. "What is the meaning of this?"
"Admiral," one of the senators answered, "we would like to save you from the tedious retelling of your encounters. Let us first watch the footage from this droid."
The admiral instinctively tried to dig down and escape his shame. Though it failed, it did not go unnoticed. Several senators gave him a thin smile. The entire operation was a disaster. To have it watched by others was the ultimate disgrace. If he was a bit more erect, he would rather have died. He was just too soft on the inside, he thought.
The projector screen showed how he positioned his troops. He was proud of it. They all were lined up in exact squares with exact spacing. His troops would make any commander proud on the parade field. His troops marched so much more neatly and orderly than the armies that tried before. The admiral struggled to refrain from commenting on how great this was. He knew what was coming.
The projector showed a colossal machine arriving on the scene, easily the size of an entire battalion. It was a massive vehicle, followed by a gigantic tank on wheels, connected by thick hoses. The tank began spraying a foul-smelling liquid onto his army. He sniffed and determined it was some kind of highly flammable substance. His army was done for. One spark and it was over. If one soldier fired, they were all dead.
Then a giant jumped off the machine. It was easily 20 times the height of an average Snek. It wore a large hat. It had a wicked grin on his face. Instead of a weapon, it had something glowing between its fingers. It put the glowing stick between his lips for a moment and smoke came bellowing out of its mouth when it said, "Make my day, punk."
The admiral lowered his head even further. He should have felt insulted. He should have died heroically with a final act of defiance. He did nothing. Just like now, he cowered and watched. Death did not come. He now wished it had.

Somewhere else, roughly around the same time.

The class of human schoolchildren stopped in front of a large building, and the teacher yelled at them to group up. In a loud voice, he continued, "This was a hospital. Sick people used to go here where doctors tried to make them better. It often did not work." The class gawked at the teacher. Thomas, unable to comprehend the horrible alternative, asked, "What happened if people did not get better?" The teacher, much softer now, answered Thomas, "They died, Thomas. They died."
Everyone in the class had shocked faces. "Did they not have Sneks?" Several pupils voiced the question that seemed to bother many. "No. We did not have Sneks. Not until 30 years ago with the first Snek Invasion. A wounded cat ate a live Snek, and the rest is history. Can you now all tell me the rhymes?"
The class started to drone:
"One Snek a day keeps the doctor away."
"Always bring your tweezers. Hand-fishing in the toilet is for underachievers."
"Wash your Snek before the rest. Dirty Sneks are a pest."

Senatorial Conference Room Snek Empire

The admiral steeled himself. He had to try and change the narrative, especially the picture of how Sneks were wriggling, pulled from something he did not want to remember ever again. Inside it was not as bad, but it became a whole other story when it mixed with air.
"We may have suffered a few indignities. A few minor infractions due to our huge cultural and biological differences. But look at the treasures we brought. One cargo hauler was full of mirrors. Another full of marbles."

On the way back to school

The teacher finished his story: "...and so we got the best deal ever."

You are NOT ready for this.
Enjoy~
IMPORTANT: When copying and pasting my scripts from Google Docs to Reddit, all of the italics in the scripts vanish, which means that a lot of words lose their intended emphasis. Due to this, I highly encourage you to read the script on the original document, which can be found at the end of this post! Thank you!
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Context
Whilst melancholic tensions brew between Caspian and the human, far away, in the grass, there lies the remnants of an unfortunate affair. With clotted blood upon his brow, and a bullet lodged within his brain, Elias claws through the dirt and dew to escape the rising of the morning sun. He continues to drag his weakened body through the muck, cursing the outcast and everything he stands for, until, suddenly… he hears a voice. A cruel voice, a loving voice, a voice of authority and allure. The voice… of a master.
BEGIN
[The scene opens with the gentle chirping of the morning birds, alongside the staggered breaths of Elias, who is dragging himself across the ground. He claws into the dirt, attempting to pull his body towards the shade of the trees. He speaks in an irritated tone.]
[E] “That halfwit. That… That-”
[A slither of sunlight catches his leg, causing him to recoil slightly. He hisses under his breath.]
“Bastard. Why must the sun rise so hurriedly? I must retreat- I need shade.”
[There’s a small pause as he continues to drag himself across the ground.]
“That dreaded outcast… How is an embarrassment like him able to nurture such strange and useless bonds? The gunman and that beloved fishmonger of his- it’s… it’s absurd. I don’t understand.”
[A brief pause.]
“Please, Master… remain faithful, for I shall ensure that the outcast is dealt with promptly. I’ll string him up and watch with glee as he squirms and chokes, I’ll dismember him for your enjoyment, I-”
[Suddenly, a deep and commanding voice interrupts him from among the trees. Elias stops and looks around in surprise, trying to pinpoint the direction of the voice.]
[???] “Selfish fool. The words you speak are of your own fantasies, not mine.”
[E] “That voice. It cannot be.”
[???] “You test my faith, Elias Acker, for all that I have witnessed from your reckless behaviour is failure. Caspian is not the object of my interest… the human is. You are losing sight of this.”
[E] “I’m not, I swear it! Your wishes are all that I care for-”
[???] “Silence! Do not feed me such lies.”
[A dark figure emerges from between the trees and slowly approaches Elias.]
[E] “M-Master! Please, I do not wish to lie to you. I wouldn’t dream of it.”
[M] “Quit your begging. It’s repulsive.”
[The Master stops in front of Elias, who remains on the ground. Elias cranes his neck up weakly to look at his Master.]
“I gave you a task. A simple one, at that. Your job was, and still is, to retrieve the human and bring them to the Abbey, and I have yet to see the human pass through my doors. I am right to believe that you are aware of how… unsatisfactory this is, yes?”
[E] “Of course! Yes, I know perfectly well how disappointing the fruits of my labour have been so far, but-”
[The Master lets out a short and amused laugh at Elias.]
[M] “Fruits… itane est?”
[E] “Quidem est. I believe I have made progress.”
[M] “What sort of progress, pray tell?”
[E] “Hitch and that little friend of his are vulnerable. They lack the strength to fight back-”
[M] “And yet here you lie with a bullet in your head.”
[Elias falls silent.]
“Rise, my child.”
[There’s a small pause as Elias staggers up. Once he stands up, the Master reaches towards and holds the side of his head, inspecting the bullet wound.]
“Hmm. I must say, the human that shot you did a remarkable job. We may have a hunter on our hands.”
[E] “I doubt it. A real hunter would’ve sawed my head off.”
[M] “Indeed. Though, he still aimed for your head regardless. ‘Tis a killer's instinct, a hunter’s reflex. He may cause us some trouble.”
[E] “Like I said, I doubt i-”
[Before he can finish his sentence, the Master slips his fingers into Elias' bullet wound. The wound makes squishing sounds as he feels for the bullet. Elias represses a grunt as he does so.]
[M] “Calm yourself and stay still. If I am to perform one kind act today, it shall be to remove this bullet. If your body heals over it, it will surely become a nuisance. I want my children to be healthy, not irritated.”
…
“I would also prefer it if my children were to cease their useless fixations on those who do not serve us anymore.”
[E] “But he’s insane! You cannot reject what is innate!”
[After he speaks, the Master pulls the bullet out of Elias' head. He twiddles it between his fingers and chuckles as Elias hisses under his breath from the pain.]
[M] “I understand your irritation, but I’m afraid the outcast has made his decision. Although, I must say, these nights I see a guilt-ridden gleam about his eyes. He’s struggling, but how long will he continue to do so? That is the question.”
[Elias gently holds his hand over the bullet wound, wincing slightly from the pain.]
[E] “It’s not long now, my Master. He’s a beaten mutt who knows that his end is creeping upon the horizon. If I could just wring his neck once again, I assure you, I would put an end to his miserable life once and for a-”
[Without warning, the Master strikes Elias’ cheek with his hand. He falls silent, as the Master criticises him.]
[M] “Enough. What a weak minded fool you are. Once again, you devote your focus to the outcast, and not the human. If you continue to act like this, I will not hesitate to withdraw you from your duties and throw you to the sunlight. Do I make myself clear?”
[A brief pause passes. The Master glares at Elias.]
“Elias-?”
[E] “Yes, Master.”
[M] “Good.”
[E] “Although… May I ask a question?”
[The Master thinks for a second, his eyes still glaring down at Elias.]
[M] “You may.”
[E] “...What purpose does the human serve? Surely they are not needed for your Great Plan?”
[The Master chuckles sinisterly.]
[M] “No, no, they are not. My plan is coming along quite nicely without them.”
[E] “It is?”
[M] “Indeed. The Demeter will make port at Whitby in only three nights, and from there we shall travel down to London and claim our right to national dominance. You and the rest of my children shall soon thrive off of this land, and take your pick of the cattle that run rife within these filthy towns and cities.”
…
“It will all be ours, as I had promised.”
[E] “Then… Pray tell, why do you need the human?”
[A brief pause passes as the Master thinks. He takes a step towards the trees and beckons Elias with his hand.]
[M] “Walk with me.”
[Elias obeys and walks alongside the Master into the woodland.]
“Do you remember, many moons go, when a new family had taken claim of the old house by the harbour?”
[E] “I-I apologise, I don’t believe I do.”
[M] “Well, tension began to rise between the two of us. For, you see, this family had made plans to renovate the Abbey, and, as you can obviously assume, this little goal of theirs was completely out of the question.”
…
“I posed as the Abbey’s priest, and took it upon myself to ensure that these dirty fisher folk stayed put at the harbour, where they belonged. But, alas, they challenged me. They stated that a distant relative of theirs passed the Abbey down to them through inheritance, but I hardly believed it. A poor fishing family, gifted an Abbey out of pure relation?”
[He chuckles.]
“‘Twas positively absurd. They continued their verbal onslaught for many days and nights, squabbling about their right of ownership, until, finally, I had lost my patience.”
[E] “What did you do?”
[The Master stops walking, and so does Elias. The Master turns to face him.]
[M] “I killed them. Sucked them dry until they were nothing but piles of pruned, rotting flesh. Usually, I would be pleased about this, if it was not for the one human who managed to escape my grasp.”
[Elias mumbles to himself, realising who exactly that human is.]
[E] “Hitch’s new friend…”
[M] “This is no fixation, my child. Nor an obsession. ‘Tis simply a desire to finish what I had started long ago, to complete my delectable collection. If the human remains alive, then the fate of the Abbey may fall out of our hands.”
[E] “Surely that isn’t possible?”
[M] “I have witnessed it all. I have watched peasants wear crowns, and kings slumbering in the muck. The human must be slain, and I shall do the honours. I want that human to be bound to my altar and given up to my greed-ridden fangs, I want to smell the blood coursing through their veins, and I want most of all for their influence over my children to be put to an end.”
[E] “Hitch failed to prove his loyalty to us, and yet you still address him as one of your children? Why?”
[M] “It is true that he has become disloyal, and, I admit, his repression of my gaze is rather admirable, but he is a child of the night, regardless. He shares the same primitive desires as you and I, only he exercises control over his urges. He may pretend to be human, yes, but he knows just as well as us that he is a monster, through and through.”
…
“But I digress. The only being who we are concerned with, at this very moment, is the human, and the human alone. Do you understand?”
[E] “Yes, Master.”
[M] “Good. Consider yourself lucky. I do not spare this much faith for someone of the likes of you. Allowing you to see me is a privilege in itself, my child, and it would be quite irksome if one were to… betray my trust.”
[E] “I would never. Not even in my wildest dreams would I consider doing such a thing. I am, and will forever be, your most ardent servant.”
[Elias takes a bow, and a brief pause follows. The Master smiles to himself.]
[M] “Your obedience is pleasing, but it will take more than words to satisfy me.”
…
“Bring the human to the Abbey doors, and only then shall they open for you. Do not return empty-handed. Understood?”
[E] “Yes, Master, of course-”
[Rising from his bow, Elias realises that the Master has vanished.]
“He’s gone.”
[A brief pause. He lets out an irritated sigh and begins walking again, mumbling under his breath as he does so.]
“Curse you, Hitch. Curse. You.”
[After a short while of walking, the distant voices of Abraham and Elissia can be heard approaching.]
[A] “I shot him up, I did. Aimed for his cranium and let my bullets ring! I tell ya, doctor, you just had to be there.”
[DE] “I did not, thank you. Your… graphic retelling is more than enough.”
[Elias stops walking, realising who the voice belongs to.]
[E] “The gunman…”
[He hides behind a tree as Abraham and Elissia continue their conversation. Their voices become gradually louder.]
[A] “Graphic? I thought you were a lady of science? You doctors always have yer elbows down deep in guts and blood.”
[DE] “Well-”
[She takes on a hushed tone, like she doesn’t want anyone else to hear her.]
“Well, yes, we do…”
[Her voice returns to normal.]
“But don’t go blabbering about those details out in the open. Have you read the papers? Don’t you know that there’s still a stigma against doctors?”
[A] “Aye, I do. But no one can hear us here.”
[DE] “... I suppose you're right. Although, if there’s one thing I know for certain, it is that something is always waiting around the corner. Take my students, for example. When acquiring their cadavers for our practicals, they are, more often than not, caught by a policeman prowling in the back alleys. Things may seem easy, but, in reality, you have already failed. That is why I am so cautious, vampire hunter. Unlike you.”
[They pass Elias, who continues to keep his eyes on Abraham.]
[A] “Hey, don’t go yapping on about that stuff. There’s a stigma, ya know.”
[Realising what she had done, Elissia gasps and covers her mouth. Abraham lets out a short laugh.]
“Need not worry, doc. It’s still early hours, which means we’re alone.”
[DE] “Are you certain?”
[A] “Absolutely-”
[Abraham stops walking as he notices something… strange. Elissia takes a couple more steps before stopping and turning to face him.]
[DE] “Hm? What’s the matter?”
[A] “Uhm… Nothing. Yeah, nothing.”
[DE] “Well, let's continue then, shall we? We have lots to discuss.”
[A] “... Right.”
[Elissia continues walking, meanwhile Abraham remains still, staring at a patch of dried blood on the grass. He mumbles to himself.]
[A] “That blood… I-I shot him, but… where’s the body?”
[Elissia calls out to him.]
[DE] “Are you following, Abraham?”
[He begins to walk away, still mumbling to himself.]
[A] “Must be body snatchers.”
[He calls out to Elissia.]
“Right behind ya, doc.”
[A small pause passes as their walking grows more and more distant, leaving Elias by himself.]
[E] “Watch your back, hunter. One never knows what is lurking around the corner.”
[He chuckles. The morning ambience fades to silence.]
END
Do you want to read this script in Google Docs? Click here!
Latin Translations:
“itane est?” = Roughly translates to “is that so?”. It is used to indicate surprise and/or request new information.
“Quidem est” = Roughly translates to “Indeed it is”.
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Hi all!! I just finished my first round with Strider Mode. I have run ToR 1e once for a group, and had the 2e books gathering dust; and since I have started solo'ing, I dusted them off and got down to business.
This post is longer than it probably needs to be, but I have lots of thoughts.
A quick side observation, my first rpg (aside from Lone Wolf and Choose your own Adventure books) was the Red Box DnD. I have read many rpg books in my numerous years. But ToR 2e (and I would included 1e) books seem far more obtuse than other games. Nothing is easy to find, the index is not worth flipping to and there is not really a distilled action summary. It is all written in a very verbose, long-winded prose. And maybe that was what they were going for, but it doesn't work on a game reference book.
So, when my Ranger went off on her quest from her patron, I hit my first "uhhhhh" moment. She needed to travel to remote village to see what the Shadow may have wanted from it. Here is how I did it:

• Never figured out how to name the town, took 10 minutes to find the name of a dwarf I met along the way, and never bothered to name the Elves I met along the way.
• Plot on the map how I plan on going, then go to the hex map to see what I will be facing.
• Roll travel to see how many hexs I go (core page 110)
• Take result on the feat die and compare to the travel chart for solo journey events (strider book pg 17)
• Roll on the corresponding table based on the solo journey events result
  • This result will frequently require a skill roll (like hunting, explore, etc)
• Anytime I got an Eye or Gandalf, in any roll (combat, journey, skill) I would go to those tables (strider pg 8)
• Do this until I make it to the town, fight some wraiths (I think I got that right, but this post is long enough, so I will not walk through what I did)

This is how I ran the whole session. I enjoyed it and it worked, I am just not sure I was correct.
All in all it was a good experience, and start to this character's story. I have been running a solo AD&D 1e game with 6 characters and struggling for it to feel organic or like I had a story going. Maybe it was because I am a avid reader of Tolkien (well beyond LoTR or Hobbit), or maybe it was because it was one character but it worked more like I have started a story.
I am still struggling with the random tables, to define the scenario (action, aspect, focus in this game, Mythic and such for others). I am not great at it. I seem to have a block when doing it solo, but can do it better on the fly when I GM...go figure.
I really wished they had a cohesive rules summary in the book. It is just all over and hard to figure out what should be done and when. For instance, even on the loremaster screen it doesn't tell you what weary mechanically does...(1,2,3 are 0) In the combat section of the book it doesn't cover that part, it is back at the beginning of the book.
I did read the rules, but found more than once I ended the section and missed something pertinent, which as a good reader is frustrating!
I also desperately need a table of names. Names are so important in Middle Earth, and having to find the culture, then look through the names is bothersome. I spent a lot of time trying to name a town! There is nothing in the core to help me. Looking online for Tolkien name generators, well that is a rabbit hole.
So, it was a good time, but the book leaves a lot to be desired and makes it very difficult to run a smooth game.

(CW: accidental (possible) pet injury, not graphic)
TL;DR:
I accidentally hurt my cat and I’m feeling pretty horrible guilt right now. I would never in a million years hurt her. She doesn’t really seem badly hurt, just stiff/sore - she seems mostly fine! But I let my guard down and she’s suffering for it. I feel bad enough for both of us.
My plan right now is just to keep her as comfortable as I can, watch her over the next day or so, and take her to the vet if she doesn’t seem any better or if she gets worse. Is there anything else I should be thinking of?
Details:
Last night, I was sitting up in bed reading. My bed is adjustable, and the head of the bed was tilted up to about a 45 degree angle. I’ve had this bed for months, and my cat (Maia, 15f, indoor only, generally great health) has always completely avoided the underside of it, so I guess I relaxed my guard a little.
I pushed the button to lower the bed flat again, and when it was most of the way down I felt something scrabbling, and then a BIG meow, and realized she was under there. I had the remote in my hand and immediately stopped it and raised it, and she came out.
I ran my hands all over her, and she purred; I tested her back, her ribbs, her tail, all her feet, shoulders, head and neck - she didn’t seem to be in any pain anywhere. She got on the bed with me as usual, but seemed a bit careful on her feet. She lay down like she usually does and purred while I petted her, but didn’t stay long - possibly because I kept trying to touch her feet and spine and make sure nothing was damaged.
When she got down from the bed, she used the pet steps (she usually does, it’s a high bed) - but she went down carefully, one paw at a time, not her usual bounce or trot.
She eventually went downstairs and got in the fluffy dog bed and went to sleep; this is not unusual for her. I had my housemate check her over as well, and she agreed that Maia didn’t seem to be in any pain. Sometime in the night, she came back upstairs, got some food, and used the litterbox - then went back downstairs to the dog bed.
This morning/afternoon she’s just been sleeping on the dog bed, and when she moves she seems a bit stiff/careful. But she‘s still eating, still drinking water, still using litterbox. She still seems happy to accept a tummy rub, and purrs and offers full access. She‘s able to clean herself and seems to be no less flexible than she was before. And when I had waffles for breakfast she got up long enough to come lick some butter off my fingers (also as usual).
I guess I don’t think she’s really hurt badly, but the guilt is just eating away at me. I’ll probably never raise the bed up again. Looking for any advice or suggestions on how to help her over the next few days.

Hey Sacramento!
I've been seeing a lot of chatter about breed-specific legislation (BSL) and pit bulls lately in this subreddit and its a regular cycle. Given Sacramento's focus on animal control and the number of shelters that work diligently with the public, animal rescue, and veterinary organizations, I wanted to share some solid facts and expert opinions from well-reputed institutions. This will help clear up the common misconceptions. I will not use or recommend anyone use sources that spread misinformation but I will go into one of the significant bad actors in the public sphere.
Additionally, I wanted to broadcast some local volunteer opportunities and programs that the SPCA and Sacramento (and shelters like Bradshaw) are putting on to encourage healthy animal ownership in our community.
If uninterested in the topic, or only interested in causing flame wars please do not comment. I would like to entertain a healthy community driven discussion here where we can attempt to answer questions and share information for people that are on the fence or are interested in learning more.
Why is this a problem? Why should I care?

Bradshaw Animal Shelter takes in 280 animals weekly

Think about that for a moment. 280 weekly. Do you know what happens when you cannot find homes for 1120 animals at a shelter with space for roughly 200 animals (and 400 fosters) total at any given time? They are euthanized, mostly.

645 animals were euthanized by Bradshaw in 2023.

Now think about this: The Sacramento SPCA and shelters like bradshaw are so desperate to rehome pits that are being judged for nothing other than existing (with no prior history of aggression or violence) they are giving them away discounted with full kits and vaccinations and sometimes even with training and free vet care for a year. But nobody wants them. Why is that? Healthy, loving, sentient creatures that think and feel things are being euthanized by the literal thousands monthly EVERYWHERE, because of misinformation. Doesn't that seem evil?

1. Ineffectiveness: Studies and expert opinions consistently show that BSL does not reduce dog bite incidents. Instead, it diverts resources away from effective measures, such as educating the public on responsible pet ownership and enforcing existing animal control laws.
   
2. Unfair Targeting: BSL unfairly targets specific breeds, leading to discrimination against responsible owners and well-behaved dogs. Many loving pets are banned, rehomed, or euthanized simply because of their breed, not their behavior.
   
3. Wasted Resources: Implementing and enforcing BSL is costly. These resources could be better spent on community programs that promote responsible pet ownership, proper training, and socialization of all dogs.
   
4. Public Safety: By focusing on breed rather than behavior, BSL fails to address the real issues that contribute to dog bites, such as irresponsible ownership, lack of training, and poor socialization. Effective legislation should target these factors to genuinely improve public safety.
   
5. Community Impact: Sacramento prides itself on being an inclusive and humane community. Supporting BSL goes against these values, fostering unnecessary fear and misunderstanding among residents. By advocating for breed-neutral laws and responsible pet ownership, we can create a safer, more compassionate community for both people and pets.
   
6. Volunteer and Support Opportunities: Engaging with local shelters and organizations through volunteering and support can make a significant difference. Programs run by organizations like the Sacramento SPCA offer education, training, and resources that help reduce incidents of dog bites and promote safe, responsible pet ownership.
   

The big myths:

• That banning certain breeds, like pit bulls, can reduce dog bite incidents.
• That pit bulls are inherently more aggressive than other breeds.
• That breed-specific legislation makes communities safer.
• That pit bulls have "locking jaws" making them more dangerous.
• That visual identification of a dog’s breed is reliable.
• That pit bulls are responsible for the majority of dog bite incidents.

The facts:

• Responsible pet ownership, education about dog behavior, and robust enforcement of animal control laws are far more effective in creating safe communities. Let’s focus on promoting these solutions instead of unfairly targeting specific breeds!
• Pit Bulls Are Not Inherently Dangerous: American Temperament Test Society: Studies by the American Temperament Test Society show that pit bulls score well on temperament tests, often outperforming many other breeds in terms of stability and tolerance.
• Owner Behavior Is Crucial: Research indicates that a dog's behavior is heavily influenced by the owner's actions. Dogs that are well-trained, socialized, and cared for are less likely to display aggressive behavior. The AVMA highlights that owner responsibility is key to preventing dog bites. Additionally please see the "why breed legislation is not the answer" banner after the content.
• Effective Legislation Focuses on Behavior: Laws that focus on the behavior of individual dogs and the responsibilities of owners, rather than breed, have been shown to be more effective in reducing dog bite incidents. The ASPCA supports breed-neutral laws that hold all dog owners accountable..
• Education and Community Programs Work: Community education programs that teach responsible pet ownership and dog bite prevention can significantly reduce incidents. The CDC supports educational initiatives as a means to improve community safety.
• Proper Training and Socialization: Dogs that receive proper training and socialization from an early age are less likely to develop behavioral issues. Positive reinforcement training methods are particularly effective in promoting good behavior in all breeds. American Kennel Club: https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/news/issue-analysis-breed-specific-legislation/

By focusing on these facts and supporting evidence-based solutions, we can create safer communities without unfairly targeting specific breeds. Let's work together to promote responsible pet ownership and effective legislation.
How did we get here:
Unfortunately, there are many bad actors spreading misinformation and have been since the early to mid 90s. But I would like to focus on a single one that has a significant presence on Reddit: Dogbites.org. Their founder runs the subreddit banpitbulls. Visit it so you can understand what an issue it is. Read about the owner and what a cook she is and has zero education or credentials in the field., and read for yourself why the subreddit and its data should not be taken seriously. Additionally here is a chatgpt generated summary of why its just basically hate bait:

Dogsbite.org, a website that claims to offer reliable data on dog attacks, especially from breeds like pit bulls, has been heavily criticized for its methodologies and conclusions. Several sources highlight significant issues with the data and approach used by Dogsbite.org, making it a controversial and potentially dangerous resource.
Firstly, Dogsbite.org often relies on media reports to compile its data. This method is problematic because media coverage tends to be biased towards sensational stories, often misidentifying dog breeds and focusing disproportionately on attacks involving pit bulls. This selective reporting skews the statistics, making certain breeds appear more dangerous than they might actually be. The CDC itself has acknowledged that media reports are not a reliable source for accurate breed-specific data due to this bias (NoPitBullBans.com).
Furthermore, the term "pit bull" does not refer to a specific breed but rather a type that encompasses multiple breeds and their mixes. This broad categorization leads to inconsistencies and inaccuracies in reporting and data collection. Dogsbite.org's failure to differentiate between specific breeds and the generalized "pit bull type" dogs exacerbates these inaccuracies, contributing to a misleading portrayal of the breed's danger (EthicsAlarms.com).
Critics also argue that Dogsbite.org's data often disregards critical factors such as the circumstances of the attacks, the treatment of the dogs, and the responsibility of the owners. Factors like abuse, neglect, and lack of socialization are crucial in understanding aggressive behavior in dogs but are frequently overlooked in the site's reports. This omission results in an incomplete and potentially biased picture of why dog attacks occur (PitBullMyth.com).
In summary, Dogsbite.org's data and conclusions have been widely debunked for their reliance on biased media reports, improper classification of dog breeds, and neglect of important contextual factors. These flaws can lead to misguided breed-specific legislation and policies that unfairly target certain breeds while ignoring the real issues behind dog attacks, such as owner responsibility and dog treatment (EthicsAlarms.com, NoPitBullBans.com).

Additionally:

• Over the past few decades, a number of high-profile dog attacks received extensive media coverage. These incidents often involved specific breeds, particularly pit bulls, leading to widespread fear and concern among the public. The media's focus on these breeds has contributed to their negative reputation. Misinformation and Stereotyping:
• Misinformation about certain breeds, such as the myth of pit bulls having "locking jaws" or being inherently more aggressive, has fueled public fear and prejudice. This misinformation often spreads quickly and is difficult to correct, contributing to the stigma against these breeds. Legislative Response:
• In response to public concern, many municipalities and states implemented BSL as a way to address fears about dog attacks. These laws were often enacted without sufficient evidence or understanding of their effectiveness, focusing on the breed rather than the behavior of individual dogs and their owners. Lack of Education:
• A general lack of public education about dog behavior, responsible pet ownership, and the actual factors that contribute to dog bites has perpetuated misconceptions. Without proper education, communities may support measures that seem straightforward, like BSL, without realizing their ineffectiveness. Cultural Factors:
• In some communities, certain breeds are associated with negative cultural stereotypes. This can include assumptions about the types of people who own these dogs and their lifestyles. These cultural biases further entrench the fear and discrimination against specific breeds. Political Pressure:
• Politicians and community leaders sometimes feel pressured to take swift action in response to public outcry over dog attacks. BSL can appear to be a decisive measure, even though it does not address the root causes of the problem and often lacks support from animal behavior experts.

How you can help:

• Get Involved with Local Organizations: Volunteer with or support local animal shelters and rescue organizations. Many of these groups provide education and resources to help prevent dog bites and promote the well-being of all dogs. For example, the Sacramento SPCA advocates for breed neutral legislation and regularly puts on community outreach events to try to sway public opinion.

The Sacramento SPCA is proud to be part of a collaboration between local shelters, rescues and businesses for a Pit Bull advocacy insert that recently appeared in the Sacramento News & Review. Learn more about the breed history, discrimination both the dog and owners face, as well as difficulties in identifying “Is this a Pit Bull?”

• Join communities that propagate healthy data driven and research backed headlines*
• https://www.reddit.com/dogs is a fantastic and healthy community of data driven dog ownership and societal practices for a healthy and safe society of animal lovers. They regularly share research and promote positive ownership and animal practices. [You can read more about the community here.](https://www.reddit.com/dogs/wiki/rules)
  

  Blatant Misinformation on breeds/breed groups are not tolerated. This can include, but is not limited to: sensationalized fear mongering, sharing of dog attack videos and articles, pushing agendas of pro or anti-breed subs, stating that specific breeds require firm training in the form of dominance or punishment based training or that certain breeds do not learn from 'typical' methods. https://www.avma.org/resources/pet-owners/why-breed-specific-legislation-not-answer https://www.avma.org/resources-tools/literature-reviews/dog-bite-risk-and-prevention-role-breed Users who demean, shame or mock others for their choice of breed(s) may be banned based off the infraction. While we understand some breed mixes may not be reputably bred, this does not mean that the owners > must be shamed for having them. Aim to educate without judgment or damnation.
  

• Advocate for Breed-Neutral Laws: Support legislation that focuses on the behavior of individual dogs and their owners, rather than targeting specific breeds. Contact your local representatives and express your support for breed-neutral policies.
  
• Promote Responsible Pet Ownership: Encourage and educate others about the importance of proper training, socialization, and care for all dogs. Share resources and information on how to be a responsible pet owner.
  
• Participate in Community Programs: Join or organize community programs that teach dog bite prevention and responsible pet ownership. These programs can be instrumental in reducing incidents and improving public safety. Volunteer at shelters, donate supplies and money to them.
  
• Foster and Adopt Responsibly: If you’re considering adding a dog to your family, consider adopting from a shelter. Make sure you’re prepared to provide the training, socialization, and care that your new pet will need.
  
• Spread the Word: Use your voice to dispel myths and share accurate information about pit bulls and other breeds. Social media, community meetings, and conversations with friends and neighbors are great ways to spread awareness. Do not promote misinformation. Rely on sources from scientists and professionals that are backed by research.
  

Sources
Bradshaw Animal Shelter Statistics:
https://animalcare.saccounty.gov/Documents/Statistics/ShelterAnimalCount_April2024.pdf Bradshaw Shelter Animal Count 2023:
https://animalcare.saccounty.gov/Documents/Statistics/Shelter%20Animals%20Count%20-%202023.pdf American Temperament Test Society:
http://atts.org/breed-statistics/statistics-page1/ AVMA on Dog Bite Prevention:
https://www.avma.org/resources-tools/pet-owners/dog-bite-prevention#:~:text=Be%20a%20responsible%20pet%20owner.&text=If%20you%20have%20a%20fenced,these%20procedures%20with%20your%20veterinarian. ASPCA Position on Breed-Specific Legislation:
https://www.aspca.org/about-us/aspca-policy-and-position-statements/position-statement-breed-specific-legislation CDC on Pet Safety:
https://www.cdc.gov/healthy-pets/about/dogs.html?CDC_AAref_Val=https://www.cdc.gov/healthypets/pets/dogs.html American Kennel Club on Training Pit Bulls:
https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/news/issue-analysis-breed-specific-legislation/ The Truth Behind Dogsbite.org:
https://btoellner.typepad.com/kcdogblog/2010/03/the-truth-behind-dogsbiteorg.html Discrediting Dogsbite.org on Reddit:
https://www.reddit.com/BanPitBulls/comments/9h3w5x/dogsbiteorg_discredited/ University of Georgia Veterinary Teaching Hospital:
https://vet.uga.edu/pit-bull-myths/ Journal of Applied Animal Welfare Science on Breed Identification:
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10888705.2013.856018 Sacramento SPCA Community Outreach Events:
https://www.sspca.org/blog-post/voice-voiceless dogs Community Rules:
https://www.reddit.com/dogs/wiki/rules#wiki_breed_misinformation_and_hate AVMA on Why Breed-Specific Legislation is Not the Answer:
https://www.avma.org/resources/pet-owners/why-breed-specific-legislation-not-answer AVMA on Dog Bite Risk and Prevention:
https://www.avma.org/resources-tools/literature-reviews/dog-bite-risk-and-prevention-role-breed Volunteer and Foster Opportunities in Sacramento:
https://animalcare.saccounty.gov/HelptheAnimals/Pages/Volunteer.aspx Adopt from a Shelter:
https://animalcare.saccounty.gov/HelptheAnimals/Pages/Volunteering-and-Fostering.aspx
Further research:
https://jsmcah.org/index.php/jasv/article/view/6 https://avmajournals.avma.org/view/journals/javma/243/12/javma.243.12.1726.xml https://www.avma.org/resources-tools/literature-reviews/dog-bite-risk-and-prevention-role-breed https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165587618305950?via%3Dihub https://embarkvet.com/resources/top-dog-breed-by-state/ https://embarkvet.com/resources/most-common-dog-breed-ancestry/ https://www.avma.org/sites/default/files/resources/javma_000915_fatalattacks.pdf https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S109002331500310X https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1469-7580.2008.01042.x
Chat GPT helped me write this.

Oh man where do I start? So my husband and I have been married for 15 years. We just had our anniversary. When I met him I had a 2 1/2 year old. My son is now 20 and he stays with his dad, his grandparents and me sometimes. Right now we full time RV but we have 2 RVs so we have plenty of space. My son comes and goes when he wants and I don’t care, I like when he stays but he is pretty independent and does his own thing. He graduated a year early and has been working ever since. He has been waiting to get in this big aerospace company for over a year and they’re taking forever. He did all of it on his own without asking for help he normally never ask for anything from me except when his dad (previous marriage) decided to take a car back that he lent to him because he needed it. So my husband and I started looking for a car for him. We found a little Saturn that ended up only being $1000. My husband charged him $200 to go drive down and get it even though he’s going to that area anyways and we got a huge fight with him about that and told him my son shouldn’t have to pay $200 to go pick up a car when I could’ve just taken my car and gone down there if I had known, who charges kid that? But that was months ago. So my son drove it around for about 4 months or so and one day he called and said he had blown the engine. He was told to make sure to put oil in it and he didn’t. So I told him that he was going to have to pay me back for that car and I would buy him a new car (old) so we found a 10 year old Chevy Cruze. I let him borrow $3700 for that car (he put in $1300 of his money) and the agreement was for him to pay for the old car and the new car. That came to $4700. We told him he needs to take care of the car and make sure the oil gets change and do all the up keep. He has been doing the up keep very well except for washing the car. He didn’t wash it once. I said to him a couple time that he needed to wash it and my husband said he needed to wash it. Still didnt. Well one night my husband told him that he needed to wash his car and my son said he will do it when he can get to it. Well my husband flipped out and started yelling and my son just left. You won’t see my son yell ever, he is the most calm person you will ever meet and will never yell. He will say what’s on his mind but won’t yell. So he left and went over to the other trailer that I own. My husband got so mad and kicked him off the Internet and yelled at me for 20 minutes about how he was so mad about his car and that my son doesn’t respect me and still owes me (not him) money and that the car should never get that dirty. (My husband owes me a lot of money too and my sons dad has a messy car, that’s where he gets it from) I told him, I won’t put up with someone yelling at me and I told him he can’t yell at another adult. He is 20 years old and my husband doesn’t pay any of his bills. I help him with the phone bill, but that’s it. So the next day, my son hits a cat that darted across the street and it messed up the grill and his fog lamp so myhusband yelling and screaming at me because he hasn’t fixed the fog lamp or the grill on the car so I text my son. “Hey, you might wanna check out the front of your car make sure it gets fixed it looks like the front grill is broken” he text me that he ordered the part but he didn’t know how to fix the rest even though my husband does and my husband refuses to help him fix it because he thinks my son needs to learn to fix it himself. A few days after that I was talking to my husband about looking into a new job opportunity but asked him what I should do and if I should really switch careers and how we would handle things. He started yelling again that he has already told me to just do it and find out. Yes, I have asked him but he won’t talk about the money part if it doesn’t work out, I need us to sit down and figure out finances and if we can make it work because it a big change in the beginning. So he’s yelling at me for that, So I got upset and told him how our anniversary sucked that I paid for most of our whole trip and he hasn’t done anything for 5 years and it’s really hurt. He said he “ I stopped caring…” I told him “have a good day” and hung up. I asked him if he was that unhappy why didn’t he tell me earlier and he said he did but I wouldn’t leave. (I had a mental breakdown because of his other actions) so now he’s telling me that I took him the wrong way and he said he stopped caring to give me gifts or do stuff with me. We now are staying in our own RVs and not talking to each other. I will let you know what happens. There are so many crazy things that have happened with this man and he cares more about his friends than his family. I will have to tell the story one day of how I had to fly home because he wanted to park our 5th wheel at his friends house (some married girl he met on a work trip) and I wouldn’t do it so I got out of the truck in the middle of Colorado and ended flying home because he wanted to hang out with her on our vacation. But that’s for a different post.

Oh man where do I start? So my husband and I have been married for 15 years. We just had our anniversary. When I met him I had a 2 1/2 year old. My son is now 20 and he stays with his dad, his grandparents and me sometimes. Right now we full time RV but we have 2 RVs so we have plenty of space. My son comes and goes when he wants and I don’t care, I like when he stays but he is pretty independent and does his own thing. He graduated a year early and has been working ever since. He has been waiting to get in this big aerospace company for over a year and they’re taking forever. He did all of it on his own without asking for help he normally never ask for anything from me except when his dad (previous marriage) decided to take a car back that he lent to him because he needed it. So my husband and I started looking for a car for him. We found a little Saturn that ended up only being $1000. My husband charged him $200 to go drive down and get it even though he’s going to that area anyways and we got a huge fight with him about that and told him my son shouldn’t have to pay $200 to go pick up a car when I could’ve just taken my car and gone down there if I had known, who charges kid that? But that was months ago. So my son drove it around for about 4 months or so and one day he called and said he had blown the engine. He was told to make sure to put oil in it and he didn’t. So I told him that he was going to have to pay me back for that car and I would buy him a new car (old) so we found a 10 year old Chevy Cruze. I let him borrow $3700 for that car (he put in $1300 of his money) and the agreement was for him to pay for the old car and the new car. That came to $4700. We told him he needs to take care of the car and make sure the oil gets change and do all the up keep. He has been doing the up keep very well except for washing the car. He didn’t wash it once. I said to him a couple time that he needed to wash it and my husband said he needed to wash it. Still didnt. Well one night my husband told him that he needed to wash his car and my son said he will do it when he can get to it. Well my husband flipped out and started yelling and my son just left. You won’t see my son yell ever, he is the most calm person you will ever meet and will never yell. He will say what’s on his mind but won’t yell. So he left and went over to the other trailer that I own. My husband got so mad and kicked him off the Internet and yelled at me for 20 minutes about how he was so mad about his car and that my son doesn’t respect me and still owes me (not him) money and that the car should never get that dirty. (My husband owes me a lot of money too and my sons dad has a messy car, that’s where he gets it from) I told him, I won’t put up with someone yelling at me and I told him he can’t yell at another adult. He is 20 years old and my husband doesn’t pay any of his bills. I help him with the phone bill, but that’s it. So the next day, my son hits a cat that darted across the street and it messed up the grill and his fog lamp so myhusband yelling and screaming at me because he hasn’t fixed the fog lamp or the grill on the car so I text my son. “Hey, you might wanna check out the front of your car make sure it gets fixed it looks like the front grill is broken” he text me that he ordered the part but he didn’t know how to fix the rest even though my husband does and my husband refuses to help him fix it because he thinks my son needs to learn to fix it himself. A few days after that I was talking to my husband about looking into a new job opportunity but asked him what I should do and if I should really switch careers and how we would handle things. He started yelling again that he has already told me to just do it and find out. Yes, I have asked him but he won’t talk about the money part if it doesn’t work out, I need us to sit down and figure out finances and if we can make it work because it a big change in the beginning. So he’s yelling at me for that, So I got upset and told him how our anniversary sucked that I paid for most of our whole trip and he hasn’t done anything for 5 years and it’s really hurt. He said he “ I stopped caring…” I told him “have a good day” and hung up. I asked him if he was that unhappy why didn’t he tell me earlier and he said he did but I wouldn’t leave. (I had a mental breakdown because of his other actions) so now he’s telling me that I took him the wrong way and he said he stopped caring to give me gifts or do stuff with me. We now are staying in our own RVs and not talking to each other. I will let you know what happens. There are so many crazy things that have happened with this man and he cares more about his friends than his family. I will have to tell the story one day of how I had to fly home because he wanted to park our 5th wheel at his friends house (some married girl he met on a work trip) and I wouldn’t do it so I got out of the truck in the middle of Colorado and ended flying home because he wanted to hang out with her on our vacation. But that’s for a different post.

Previous part: 8.99.
​
One thing that I'm not getting here is why Vanessa is even a part of Vanny or Glitchtrap's situation since Double-V is true. When I originally thought up Double-V, I was originally thinking that Vanessa and Vanny were two different people and/or were sharing the role of "Vanny".
It's just one of them was more willing than the other to be a part of Glitcthtrap's machinations than the other. I didn't put too much thought into it, but it was something I wanted to look for until that Security Team revelation came about.
But now I'm left with this puzzle piece called Vanessa that I'm not quite sure what to do with now that I know that Vanny is an entirely separate person from her.
She has to be involved with Vanny and Gltichtrap somehow. Maybe the therapy tapes will help.

• CD 1-Therapist: — but a routine check of your online history has revealed that you spend quite a bit of time with someone in an encrypted conversation. We have transcripts, and I’ve read them, but it’s not clear what you’re talking about in these conversations. I can’t make sense of it. You must be getting something from these that I’m not getting. Right? Who are you talking to in these?

These are all things that would've pointed toward Glitchtrap if I didn't know better. So it's someone else doing this? Why and why her?

• CD 5-Therapist: — Apparently, the IT department has put together a pretty lengthy report chronicling non-job-related communications that have been coming to your computer. — what bothers me about what I read is that the messages you're getting seem very manipulative in nature. —You know who I'm talking about. What you might not know is that this person who's been sending you messages has been hacking into your personal files too.
• CD 5-Vanessa: Lots of people know more than I do. Sometimes I need to listen.

So Vanessa knows who's doing this to her. But she's been refusing to listen to them before and is now being worn down by the spamming messages sent to her. But the fact that she doesn't react to the news that they are digging into her personal life is very concerning!
Also, after going through Vanny's secret dialogue in Help Wanted, Vanessa's overall demeanor in both Security Breach and the Retro Cds clashes hard with Vanny's in both games. Where Vanny sounds and reads eager and nervous, Vanessa is defiant and reluctant with depressed undertones.
Is Vanessa really infected with Glitchtrap?
Yet now that I'm thinking about it, Glitchtrap has no need to do this as him sitting through Vanessa's therapy session with her would give him this info if she was infected. Who's ever doing this doesn't much about her, but would very much like to. Is it Vanny or Gregory...
Wait, hold on. Vanessa's first therapist mentioned that messages were encrypted and couldn't make out what the conversation was about. But the second therapist can understand these messages to know that they're manipulative in nature. Are these two different messengers?!
" I’ve read them, but it’s not clear what you’re talking about in these conversations**.** I can’t make sense of it. You must be getting something from these that I’m not getting." - The first Therapist
"but what bothers me about what I read is that the messages you're getting seem very manipulative in nature." - The second Therapist
What changed? Hmm... What exactly is an encrypted conversation? Maybe explaining that will help.
Encrypted text messaging is a method of secure communication that converts your messages into code. This means that only the recipient with the correct decryption key can read it. - Google
That sounds like what the first Therapist is referring to, but she mentions that they got the transcripts for it. Does that mean that got the code or the decryption key to read it? No, she says transcripts, which means the code itself.
But whatever the first Therapist saw in that transcript was legible enough to read and comprehend. This means the conversation wasn't in computer coding that would require someone in the tech field to decipher it, but just ordinary talk that's hard to understand what it's about.
Okay, that clears things up, they're still the same messenger.

• CD 11-Therapist: So, on your breaks, it looks like you were shopping for a costume. you purchased some fake fur material.
• CD 11- Vanessa: I can't talk about this. He said he would always be watching. He could be here or there or anywhere in between.
• CD 11-Therapist: No, that's not what I mean. You can't just ignore an issue. You have to face your memory of the experiences and process them so you can let it go. So you don't get triggered anymore. you can use this sort of self-dialogue to release these things
• CD 11-Vanessa: I don't like doing that.

This one conversation right here throws everything about Double-V out of whack. Why is Vanessa buying fake fur material? And for the very first time, we know the gender of who's messaging her along that he said that he would always be watching her.
Again the "he" here, and the "he will always be watching" part allude to Glitchtrap at first glance. And again, it can't be him because he should be within Vanessa since they merged in Help Wanted! Even if you dismissed the ending I proposed for Vanny and went with the ending where she gets locked up by Glitchtrap, it still wouldn't be him messaging her about watching here because he would be in her body!
And like I already said before, Vanessa has shown no memory problems or bodily control problems, which would've suggested Glitchtrap's control. No, this means that Gregory is doing all of this.
But why is he going after Vanessa? Geez, It's been a while since I even thought about his past before Security Breach. I forgot how much of a black hole of questions he is, regarding the lore. I'll give my updated thoughts about him after the Double-V revelation later.
For now, after going through all of Gregory's dialogue in Security Breach. It looks like he's not quite aware of the ongoings within the Pizzaplex and is shocked by the level of security can employ later in the night. There may actually be a hint of his hacker background in his dialogue if you squint. And Gregory has absolutely no idea what the rabbit laddy's name is until he gets to Fazerblast.
As for Gregory's involvement with Vanessa... Huh, that's weird. Gregory doesn't say Vanessa's name even once in Security Breach. Matter of fact, after the beginning sequence where Vanessa confronts Freddy about him, Gregory just stops talking about or even mentioning her for the rest of the game. This includes the confrontation that leads to her locking him up in Lost and Found and after it...
No matter how you slice it, Gregory's silence about her is super loud with alarm bells. Sure, he dismisses her as working with Vanny in the beginning, but it shouldn't mean that she should be an afterthought to him! Like, Gregory only talks about or mentions "the rabbit lady" after the beginning of the game.
In fact, if we were to rank every important character that Gregory talks about or mentions in his dialogue for Security Breach from most to least, it would look like this.

1. Freddy - 33 times
2. Vanny - 6 times
3. Chica - 6 times
4. Roxy - 4 times
5. Monty - 3 times
6. Moon - 3 times
7. Vanessa - 3 times
8. Burntrap - 1 time

That's absurd! Especially since she's the only other human worker in the Pizzaplex, besides Vanny, who encounters and confronts him. Like, he doesn't even try to communicate with her at all during the entire game!
Even when discovering Vanny's hideout in Fazerblast and Freddy suggests that Vanny is Vanessa due to deduceing Vanny's name being a combination of Vanessa + Bunny, Gregory remains silent about it! No, "Oh maybe you're right." or "That sounds too simple to be right", but instead there's no response to what might be the identity of your pursuer!
It's like he doesn't want to talk about her...
He knows her, he has to know Vanessa! Yet, he said, "I don't know who she is, but she's trying to get me!" to Freddy. Is he lying? No, he just knows about her.

• CD 14-Therapist: —They report that they've caught you on camera, or at least it appears to be you. — Well the techs are convinced that you've hacked into their system many times. — the electronics you like? I saw in your file that you have developed software programs that talk to you and repeat phrases, right? The program asks you questions and prompts you for responses. It's kind of like your own self therapy, isn't it? Another way of talking to yourself to work things out, right? When I saw some of your recent encrypted conversation logs, that's what I thought I was looking at. It felt like I was watching someone go back and forth in their own head, but the text found something that's different than that. When I read what they found, at first I thought I was looking at more examples of you just talking with yourself. Then I realized it was different. When I study this, it sounds like there is someone else responding to you. Who is it?

This is either hinting towards Gregory talking directly to Vanessa or Glitchtrap. But something that confuses me is why the therapist has or even be able to see Gregory's encrypted conversation logs?
I'll admit that I'm ignorant about therapy, but should your therapist have access to stuff you created outside of therapy? Unless Gregory created the program on a computer in therapy. It could explain how he's gotten access to Vanessa's files. But I'll drop that talk for now.
Something that's being made clear to me now is that Vanessa is not as connected to the villains as Gregory is, as she's more surprised by the changing of therapist than he is. In fact, Gregory knows why the therapists are disappearing, knows exactly when the therapists do something that would cause them to disappear, and doesn't seem upset when they show up mangled and dead.
But more than anything, Gregory knew Vanny long before Security Breach started. There's no reason why Gregory would know Vanny has enough control over the Pizzaplex to cut off Freddy from the network, in just one encounter. If anything, he should have assumed she was some weirdo stranger in the Pizzaplex that the security and the police needed to take care of.
But he already knew that Vanny had power in the Pizzaplex, maybe not the full scope, but enough to know that if she and he ever came into conflict with one another that ended with her wanting to hurt him then he needed to get out of the Pizzaplex.
Funnily enough, this actually lines up with the first-ever trailer for Security Breach, where Vanny says: "Gregory, I may have lost my temper earlier. But it was just a glitch!" Which implies they talking neutrally before whatever made Vanny lose her temper." Again, I'm not using this as evidence as it's been cut, instead, I'm suggesting that the idea might have merit.

• CD-Therapist: — I have this still shot the techs pulled from the security footage that recorded you in the pizzaplex. That's you, isn't it? I know this image is distorted but I think it looks like you. And you're not alone here. You're talking to someone, or something. it's hard to tell. What are those things? They almost look like rabbit ears. What? You find that amusing? Well I guess it is.

I had always flipped-flopped between the mysterious person being either Glamrock Bonnie or Vanny. Both are connected to Glitchtrap, so either would fit here as Glitchtrap wouldn't be captured by a camera. But with the new evidence I've discovered, Vanny fits as Gregory's mysterious rabbit correspondent in the Pizzaplex.
But what about Vanessa? Is Gregory hacking into her files or is it Vanny and Glitchtrap? Or perhaps Gregory is hacking into her files on behalf of Glitchtrap and Vanny. Either way, Vanessa is getting dragged into Gregory and the Villian's group chat.
Speaking of the therapy, if we take into account the Retro-CD's numbering system the first two numbers are the patient ID number, and the last two numbers are the number of times both Gregory and Vanessa have been to therapy, then we can uncover some invaluable information.
Gregory has been in therapy longer than Vanessa and he was also in therapy before her too. But combining this CD's numbering system with a theory from the Talesbook story, GGY, that Gregory only goes to therapy on Sunday. Then Gregory has been going to therapy for a year and a half.
And if Vanessa is following the weekly therapy session pattern, then she's only been going to it for a little more than half a year. This means she started her therapy just about after Gregory hit his half-year mark for therapy. In addition to all that, Vanessa stopped going to therapy once she was transferred to a new location and never met the fourth and final therapist of the CDs.
Just something you all should keep in mind.
But Gregory definitely knows about her at the very least. That knowledge, I guess, is the reason why he's so shocked to see her face under Vanny's mask in the "To The Rooftop" ending. He knows that Vanessa and Vanny are two different people, but doesn't know that they look alike because he never encountered Vanny before Security Breach without her mask or costume.
On the subject of costumes, I still got no answer for Vanessa's purchase of fake animal fur or what's even happening with her now.
To be honest, this would be so simple and easy if Vanessa was just Vanny. But like as I have shown many times before in both this series and the previous one, simple and easy answers are not always the correct ones.
So, instead of looking for signs of the villain's goal with Vanessa in the lore. Let's look at the similarities and differences between the double Vs.
Vanessa's characteristics are.

• Depressed
• Has anxiety issues
• Tired (It's something that has been mentioned by the first and third therapists in CD-1 and CD-10. But seems to have more to do with the messages she's getting than how she usually is.)
• Likes the blue sky
• Likes to sit outside and read
• Watchful about her calorie intake
• Likes flowers or at least the sweet smell of them
• Doesn't like dark basements
• Oh, and hates kids

Vanny's characteristics are.

• Loves Pizza, especially pepperoni (Huh, no wonder she likes Chica)
• Absolutely, does not care about her calorie intake or a healthy diet (Seriously, Girl has gone full gamer mode with the amount of Fizzy Faz, straw drinks, and pizza boxes in areas with her presence in them)
• Hobbies in painting or graffiti
• Likes or used to like Glitchtrap or maybe William Afton (I talk about this in the secret ending)
• Loves Fazbear Entertainment (Vanny uses red spray paint in Ruin and has drawn two hearts on the FAZ ENT. Logo in the main Lobby)
• Likes Toy Chica
• Likes the Daycare Attendant (She seems to be fond of Moon more)
• Likes to read, or at least, read about the World History of Fazbear Entertainment
• Likes Flowers, a specific species of them(that I can't determine right now)
• Likes summer
• Is a mechanic or roboticist or both (She making something in Ruin Fazerblast and has turned Ruin Monty into her lapdog among other things)
• Super lazy (This one may or may not be true, but unless there's a good reason why she refuses to clean up her room in Fazer Blast, this is staying right here as far as I'm concerned)

Wow, I did not realize we already knew this much about Vanny just from the environment storytelling of the games until I listed them!
Anyway, as you can see, there are some very similar likes between the two and very stark differences in traits as well. I'm not about to list them to save word space, but instead, I want to answer a question. Could Vanessa still be Vanny despite their differences? This isn't so much for me, but for the people who believe Vanny = Vanessa despite my Double-V evidence.
At first, I thought there might've been a chance for that as they both like flowers, to read, and enjoy the outside, or at least the summer in Vanny's case. But now, after listing everything out they're just too different to say they're the same.
Even if we say that Vanny's love of pizza, general bad diet, and trashy room is the result of Vanessa coping with her depression and her situation with Glitchtrap and that her graffiti is the by-product of therapy, along with her interest in growing flowers. That doesn't negate the fact that in Ruin when given the chance to express her anxiety, Vanny doesn't take it.
If you don't know, on the wall where Vanny drew her face next to a slice of pizza in the main lobby near the Superstar Daycare entrance, there is a painted graph. The artist who made the graph also wrote on the right side of it; "TAG YOURSELF".
On all four sides of the graph, the artist made the furthest sides of them represent something. The top Y-axis is Wizard, the bottom Y-axis is Cedar the left X-axis is Filled with a word that ends in a y, and the right X-axis is Filled with anxiety.
What this graph is showing, or what the artist trying to convey with it, is that each of the four points represents not quite the opposite thing but the furthest thing from each other. Of which, Vanny decided to tag herself on the furthest left X-axis, not the right.
This tells us that Vanny feels the furthest thing from anxiety. Something Vanessa, no matter if she's under Glitchtrap's control or not, would be constantly feeling as she suffers from it.
As for what she's feeling, I don't know, the word on the left graph is unreadable and covered by Vanny's face to make it almost impossible to decipher. But what I do know without a doubt, is that Vanny and Vanessa are indeed, two different people with some common likes and polar opposite traits.
So after everything I've talked about in the last three? four? However many parts I've been going over Double-V, what is the best possible answer for the "To The Rooftop" ending stinger. Why do Vanny and Vanessa look alike?
I tried, I really did. I looked for as much possible evidence for anything that doesn't just make me give up and say "She's a Fazgoo clone!" or "She's a robot!"
If Vanny was a stranger who mimicked Vanessa's face, then that's cool and horrifying, but only where it concerns Vanessa herself. (The horrifying part, not the cool part.) It doesn't give us reasons why she would do it in the first place or a way to connect it to the greater lore and Glitchtrap, besides she's a human Mimic. Basically, it lacks motivation from everyone in the Villian party.
So it leaves me with no other conclusion except for one.
Back when the marketing for Security Breach was building up to its release. Steel Wool released four old Freddy cartoon episodes on their YouTube channel. Each episode hides a teaser image for the lore, including a character from the games with words, along with a character stinger at the end.
The last carton, which is the most distorted one, just so happened to include Vanessa as the hidden teaser, and Vanny as the character stinger at the end. And before you all jump the gun, previous episodes have already established that the hidden character teasers have no correlation to the ending Character stinger.
Now, the words in the Vanessa teaser image are quite interesting. It includes "Test and Rat" in the upper right corner, "Pool" in the bottom left corner, and "Bleak Reactant".
Test and Rat could be Test rat or Laboratory rat (Lab rat) as in the species of rat that are bred and kept for scientific research. Lab rat here can also be referring to Vanessa being a lab rat for the villain's experiment for something.
Using that explanation, "Pool" would then mean group or pool of people, which means number of people available for an organization or group to use. So Pool would mean that Vanessa was chosen out of all the Fazbear employees or people in general to be used for the experiment.
This leaves us with Bleak Reactant, which the definition of reactant is a substance that takes part in and experiences change during a reaction, while the definition of bleak could mean lacking vegetation (an area of land), dreary (a room), miserable(the weather), or unfavorable (outcome.)
All of this together means that Vanessa was chosen by the villains out of a group of people to be used for an experiment. An experiment of a change in Vanessa that predicted an unfavorable outcome for the villains.
Vanessa was going to be the next Vanny or maybe something else.
That gives a reason why the villains were so interested in her, why she would be shopping for a costume, why she would be at the Pizzaplex, and why she would be still connected to the villains when someone else is Vanny.
But the reason she was chosen in the first place, why her out of a group of people that might've included Gregory in it too, is because the one who chose her was her own twin sister.
If anyone remembers my only Ruin theory then you would remember my mentioning of Glitchtrap's and Vanny's conversation from Scott's website from a Security Breach poster.
Glitchtrap: "Stay the course."
Vanny: "I will."
Glitchtrap: "Focus on my voice."
Vanny: "I will."
Glitchtrap: "Don't let anyone lead you astray."
Vanny: “I won't.”
Glitchtrap: "Have you selected one?"
Vanny: "I have."
In my theory, I proposed that Gregory was the one that Vanny mentioned selecting here. But now, with all the revelations and new information gained, I believe Vanessa works better here. Vanny would've chosen someone for an experiment that she personally knew of or gotten to know, and who better than her own sibling that she grew up with.
Remember, Vanny is just starting out in her following of Glitchtrap. So would be new to the whole evil thing. And most of the time, the people close to you are the ones that would most likely commit a crime against you.
As for the twin sister thing, it actually didn't come from the "To The Rooftop" ending, but a discussion from the GTlive stream where Mat hosted a little get-together with some of the FNAF YouTuber theorists after Security Breach. There, John Fuhnaff suggested the idea for it from the VR Sisters boss from the Security Breach game Scott made when Security Breach got delayed again.
It's something that I saw some merit in after I discovered the Vanny ≠ Vanessa and after disproving in my head that Vanny wasn't Tape Girl either. The best part of the twin sister thing is that there's no need to throw out all that we know from Vanessa's therapy sessions as they both share the divorced parent's backstory.
As for which is the order twin between the two, I believe Vanessa is the oldest since it makes sense that her father would use the oldest to testify against their mother as she would better understand his instructions. Plus it provides a potential grudge from Vanny to Vanessa for what happened to their mother and a misguided parental affection for Glitchtrap. Unless Vanny's just a fangirl of William Afton, which could be the case.
Also, this means that the reason Vanessa looks the way she does in "To The Rooftop" end credits is because she looking at her dead sister. Oof, I realized that this also means she would've been the one who finds what's left of her in the "Disassemble Vanny" ending too. No wonder Faz Ent. is temporarily closed if they find that one employee is disassembled and the other one is having a mental breakdown from it in the morning.
But what about the "Redemption" ending? We know that by beating PQ3 both Glitchtrap and Vanny are defeated in it. What happens to her then? Where did she go? Hmm... I'm not sure.
What happens when someone is unmerged after being merged for a long time? Unlike Vanessa, we know that Vanny lives in the Pizzaplex. Even by Ruin and Help Wanted 2, she's still living in the building despite its condition so she probably needs time to think and process what happened to her and what's she done. Oh, and therapy. And a house.
But I think that just about wraps everything up for— Wait, HW2's Candy Cadet story! I forgot all about it! I know some people mentioned that the second story had to do with Vanessa, Gregory, and Gltichtrap. Let me skim through that real quick for clues.
Oh. Oh, that's really interesting... But it along with the Jeremy and the Memory dolls can wait until after next time. Sorry for the little to no pictures, I needed space to fit everything in one post and wanted to get everything about Double-V out of the way before I go on hiatus.
Don't worry it has nothing to do with burnout. It won't be too long either, though knowing my track record when saying that, you probably don't believe me.
Truth is, I've been severely neglecting my YouTube channel, and should really start catching up the YouTube version of my series with the online version. Plus, I've got more "Prove it!" to work on.
But most important of all, my birthday is coming up, and I don't want to work, think, or have anything to do with my FNAF stuff on that day. So! Feel free to read and become full with these last few Parts until I come back with more.

I(22,male) and my girlfriend(22), let our names be A and B. We(A and B) have been together for 4 years and have been living together for 2 years,we have a friend group of 4 people(including us) let the other 2 be X(22,M) and Y(21,F). So, starting from 2022, i had just joined a gym, where me and X became close friends, basically gymbros, this was in February 2022 before that I and B were in a long distance relationship and as the lockdown had just uplifted B also arrived to my city for colle in 2022 feb. So my equation with X had always been amazing (Y isnt in the picture righ now no one knows she exists) so the gym i and X had met in we stay there for 8 months approximately and in September-october X finds a great gym so we decide to change our gyms. (During this my girlfriend also moves in with me) in the new gym X meets a new friend group where he meets Y. Y is a girl who has been gymming since a year when he met her and X is a gym rat so they basically hit it off and X basically starts to ignore me for the new friend group but i never really cared that much because i had understand he wanted to hit things off. Not going into much detail but till January end of 2023 me and X have very rare conversations but we are still friends tho no hard feelings then around valentines things mess up and Y and X stop talking and Y comes in a relationship with a guy (Z) it was basically a very forced relationship but after that X comes back to me starts spending time with me but I never said anything for that matter as I wanted to support him. So then X also becomes friends with B my girlfriend and now its only the 3 of us . I do talk Y seperately because i was friends with Y and rest of the group so it wasnt fair to just not talk and it was just till greeting each other when meeting in gym So even though X kept saying that he doesn’t care about Y but he very much did( also Y after 6 months of being in a relationship breaks up with Z) so me and my girlfriend do our best and we root for them and they are now in a relationship from the (sept2023) Things start to take a huge turn from here as now i and my girlfriend are now close with X and Y we are now a friend group. During the start we give them all the time they need to build their relationship But one day we saw X and Y are watching a movie with some other friends whom we also knew and they didn’t even ask us naturally i and B get sad and indirectly target them through stories ( yes that was very immature of us instead of just talking with them) but their reason was that they didn’t ask us about movie because we just said that we are financially tight but we never dined for a movie infact B was very excited for that movie but still after that argument we get to hear “it was immature of you to put up an instagram story” to which we agreed but we weren’t heard and somehow it was our fault in the end. So after that in the end of 2023 i and B change gym and X and Y do too so naturally we start drifting apart in this timeline there has been many instances where i and B have invited them to our house asked them to hangout but they were never free for us and somehow always managed to hangout with others just to make it clear i and B have no problem with X and Y hanging out with other friends it’s the disrespect we have gone through even after discussing with them what we clearly feel instead of putting up stories we actually talked but it always ended with “you guys are thinking too much” “ it’s not that serious” and never “we are sorry we made you feel this way” anyways my girlfriend B is a veery aware of her emotions person and she wants to cut them both off but I insisted to hold on a little longer. Fast forward to June 2024 till now many instances have happened where i and B have been disrespected and not heard, so we joined the same gym as X and Y, so we asked if they would like to go to the gym with us, they usually go in the evening and we due to certain commitments prefer going in the afternoon, so to the invite they say if they will have their food they will join us, so afternoon in the gym i was waiting for them and guess what they went to watch movie with some other friends and with all the disrespectful events, i got really pissed and decided to block X and Y and so did my girlfriend blocked them! However, i thought that because X has been my friend for a long time i shall meet and discuss and i let him know that you guys have been blocked and then I explained why and we came to a conclusion that no matter what happens between Y and B i and X would remain friends When i met X he had not noticed that he has been blocked so when i met him I immediately said you and Y are blocked BUT HE DID NOT LISTEN anyway after clearing things with X i unblock him and send him a request he then proceeded to dm me and ask “did you block me to i?” I was like yes i told you .X then proceeds to flip out and starts freaking out and says stuff like how could you block me? This doesn’t work like that i am confused as to why this reaction when things have already been talked about in between of the argument he proceeds to involve my girlfriend and says “from the time B has arrived in the city since then you have become like this” and not only says this once but 100 of times and literally starts blaming my girlfriend on the call while Y is on a conference listening. (Even after X including my girlfriend i did not cross the line to include X’s girlfriend in the conversation) But he still has the audacity to say that i and B target Y when not even once we mentioned her. I and B are trying our best to tell them that this is what we were talking about and how you guys are still not listening. But after 2 days of fight they still called us immature for blocking them (when i and B saw no future with them and didn’t see any difference with or without them in our life) so we blocked them and gave them a kind explanation but they still chose to tell us how i and B are immature and whatever we both feel is petty and how they are superior for letting petty things go. Where i and B were just looking to end things calmly X and Y made everything about themselves and things got really ugly till the end. So AITA
NOTE: Sorry for such a long message,it’s the first time posting on reddit, also wanted a safe place to vent out and get good advices.

This is a long one For some context: I am a 33F and my husband is 35 Him and I married super super young Me15/Him17 We had our son when I was 16 The first year of our relationship was like a movie .. too much time type out and telling it while probably make me identifiable.. anyway.. We got back together around 11 years ago after we split for 5Y. At first it was fine but 5m after getting back together we found out I was pregnant. Then he gets locked up for a po violation so now I’m pregnant and alone. I work my whole pregnancy and save money so I can get us an apartment. He comes out right before the baby comes and everything seemed great. Well since he was fresh out it would take time to find a job so a few days after giving birth I had to go back to work. Well a few months pass and I leave my job and get a better paying job but it’s third shift and tough. So one day I’m getting ready to leave for work and he was going to be home with our 2 kids .. (insert woman’s intuition) cutting to the chase I found he was talking to another female. Lines were crossed but nothing ever happened so I forgave him. 2 years later I’m pregnant with our 3rd child and at this point I’m working 3 jobs but eventually went down to 2. Same… thing. Womans intuition that something was up. I logged into his Facebook just to snoop and sure enough I caught him talking to another woman who was also married. I flipped out and told her husband etc etc. But again in my stupid mind nothing physical ever happened and I loved him and again.. I was super pregnant and decided to forgive him. 2 more years later and we get pregnant with our 4th. Well during this pregnancy he was mean to me. I would do everything.. literally everything I would cook, clean, take care of the kids and work so I have always paid my half or more since I always bought everything for the kids. We went 50/50 on just bills but practically everything else was on me. Down to Christmas, birthdays, vacations etc. At this point I felt like I was constantly walking on egg shells. Well I later found out he was talking to another female. When confronted he said tried to deny it and then admitted it so I through him out. Again nothing physical had happened while he was with me but I was so mad I had enough. So he’s then was with this woman for a few months and their relationship was toxic and I must admit just to get my rocks off, at times.. stuff happened. But in my mind it was just so I could get what I wanted plus keep in mind I’m left with 4 kids and just going from work to home. Well he breaks up with her and creeps back… I was honest with him and told him I didn’t want him back and that I wasn’t in love with him anymore. Like I loved him but was just so incredibly disgusted in him. So fast forward 4 years we plan our last child. We try and try then it happens. Cool everything seems great but quickly after woman’s intuition again. I logged into his phone carrier account and saw a frequent phone number then discovered it was the SAME woman from 4 years prior. I was so disturbed and other stressors were going on and I miscarried. This wasn’t a normal miscarriage and I almost died .. literally. So we somehow stayed together well fights happen etc and now it’s 2020.. weeks had a huge fight in December and I was just done with him. Well I left one job and was starting another when I found out within a week .. I had Covid and I was pregnant (we were not trying, I hated him at this point) I stay in this marriage. I have the baby and then next day got fixed. I can’t believe I’m still married as I type this. During the time I was in the hospital this man was asking for tit pics from that same Woman! How did I find this out… from her boyfriend! Months later find you. So of course I’m devastated. Why when talking/crying to his mother whom I used to be close with did she say to me it wasn’t a big deal because it wasn’t like I could give him anything and it was just a request for a pic.. that pretty much ended my feelings towards her. Ok so some more time passes .. like a year and since June I’ve started drinking. I don’t drink at work and I don’t get obliterated but when I get home I pour me a glass and get buzzed. At first he didn’t care but then slowly started commenting about me being like his mom when he was younger and idk it’s just annoying. He had and has his vices. Ok so I get paid more than him and I’m in the job position he wants so I feel sometimes like he hates me for that. I also have more responsibilities than him because again I pay more out of pocket because we only split regular bills. I cook, clean, take care of the house and most of our recent fights have been because I do everything and it’s exhausting and unfair and the chores should be both of our responsibilities. Well now when we fight I snap. And when I snap I only say hurtful all true things to him while he just makes stuff up to try to hurt my feelings. I stay because we have 5 kids but his mouth is disrespectful and he complains I’ve grown cold towards him. I do love this man but I also absolutely hate him and I’m aware that there’s a lot of trauma so this is why I am the way I am. In a recent fight he told me I was boring, I have no friends (kind of true.. I constantly moved when I was younger so it was I make friends just to lose them) (as an adult it was work then home because of the kids ) and the list went on. How can he say I’m gone cold when he’s creating a blizzard. Anyways super long story but now the economy is in the garbage and I can’t afford to just move away and care for 5 kids being a single mom. Yes child support is an option but it’s based on income and again I make a little more than him so it’s not going to be something really dependable and that’s if he actually pays it. A part of me sees me with him forever and a part of me feels like I’m wasting my life. More context ages if the kids: 17,10,8,6 and almost 2

I just need a place to share our story to where someone will hear it, rather than just shouting it inside my head all day long. I have almost no friends or family I can be this vulnerable with, so I thought I’d give the entire internet a go, anonymously. Here goes.
My husband and I have been married for about 10 years. We have 4 little kids, all under 6. A little over 5 years ago, my husband confessed to me that he had a serious 🌽 addiction he had been hiding for me for our entire relationship. His confession felt like a trap door opened, and I fell through it as he explained each and every lie he had been telling all this time. It was an uphill battle to rescue our marriage after all of that deceit and betrayal. He went to a twelve step and truly turned things around, and has been sober ever since a few months into his journey. We really did recover from that time and our trust has been repaired. We set fresh boundaries with opposite sx relationships and really put up hedges of protection around our marriage.
Fast forward to about 8 months ago.
He confessed that during his addiction, he also sought out and frequently returned to old 🌽 pictures of his close female friend (they are no longer friends, as I mentioned earlier we changed that up). When this came up, I asked to see his old messages with her and as it would appear to me, they had a full on emotional affair, in addition him viewing these pictures. Whether or not she knew he was looking at them isn’t known because they never talked about that, but hints were dropped.
They’d have longggg text conversations and hang out all the time. She worked at his office. They had lunch together every day just about. She was VERY openly flirty with him and rude toward me. They talked about all sorts of things and clearly had a close emotional bond as well as some flirty moments as well, and then the pictures he intentionally searched for and found from a previous 🌽 shoot she did years before that he was viewing all throughout this inappropriate friendship. Of course, that part is one sided. But still.
Of course when he told me this I was devastated by this and instantly went to a place of comparison. Keep in mind that this woman is an ex 🌽 worker and I am just a freshly postpartum stay at home mom of 4. I asked my husband, in a desperate pursuit of something that may make me feel better, if he liked me better than her.
Side note (sorry in advance for all the side notes haha) my husband has diagnosed OCD and bipolar II. Brutal and compulsive honesty is a huge symptom and though we have been working on this problem for much of our marriage, it still rears its head once in a while. My husbands mental health problems are a massive burden on him and of course I support him in his healing however, his untreated mental health problems have also wrecked havoc over our relationship and made it really difficult for me, as well.
Back to the question I asked him that caused the downfall of the last 8 months of my life:
He told me no. He told me he liked her better. He told me she was thinner. He told me she didn’t have stretch marks (she’s never had a baby) he told me she gets ready every day and does her make up. I don’t.
This hurt terribly, so I asked more questions, yet again seeking more reassurance. I know you’ll think that’s dumb, and in hindsight, so do I. But this was all so shocking. Never in our marriage has he spoken about my body this brutally. He’s never made a single negative comment about my appearance whatsoever. This came as a complete shock and I was hoping I just misunderstood. I wasn’t expecting what came next.
He had an absolute meltdown, confessing to me every mean and dark thought he had ever had about me and our marriage. He told me he regrets marrying me, he thinks about leaving, he thinks I’m less attractive than most women, he’s not proud to be with me, liked me better before I had children, thinks he can do better and he settled, he compares me to every woman he sees and routinely finds that the other woman is better, and so much more.
From this space, I’m sure it sounds like he said this all out of spite with some harsh tone of voice, just trying to hurt me any way he can. In reality, he was weeping and drowning in shame. He thought confessing these things to me would help, and claims he had no idea I’d be as destroyed as I am. This confuses me to this day, but two therapists have explained that this can happen with bipolar as sometimes the internal world can be so extremely painful that the external world feels out of touch at times, and that’s what my husband described this as.
I don’t know how relevant this information is, but I think it’s worth saying, I don’t think he was wrong when he was saying all of that. I was overweight by a significant amount, and drowning in child rearing, breastfeeding, housework, and postpartum depression. When he spoke this to me, I had already been on a somewhat new weight loss journey and had already lost 20lbs. Since then, I’ve lost 50 more (70 total) and I am now at a healthy weight and body fat percentage is within the athletic range as I’ve picked up running to cope with all this stress. I’ve also made a lot of changes to my appearances just by doing my hair and makeup every day, showering daily, and dressing cute for the day. I have been feeling more confident and more able to love myself in these ways as I watch my hard work pay off. This has led to me receiving a lot of male attention for my appearances more recently, sometimes when my husband is with me even.
It has been over eight months since that horrific day. It has been a STRUGGLE. We are both in individual counseling and marriage counseling weekly, spending a fortune and hours upon hours of our time on healing. We’re both taking meds at this point for mental health. We’re both reading endless self help books, talking with mentors, absolutely drenching our lives with healing because our marriage is that important to both of us. My husband has been on a mission to learn more about why he had this previously mentioned emotional affair. He is uncovering some unhealed childhood wounds and unmet needs. In addition to seeing a psych and a therapist, he’s in a men’s support group, and has weekly calls with a mentor just to try to work through some of this mess. He’s doing a lot of work on these issues.
In the past eight months, my husband has gone from claiming he’s not proud to be with me because I’m not very attractive to now claiming I’m the most beautiful woman and he married way up. He sees the male attention and can be somewhat protective in the moment and give a glare or whatever, but then when we get home later he tells me he knows how pretty I am and isn’t too bothered by others telling me so because he knows I’m his. He showers me in constant compliments these days, brings me home flowers here or there, random iced coffees on his lunch break, shows up to marriage counseling with pen and pad and reviews his notes throughout the week, takes me for date night weekly, sends me off for a surprise afternoon shopping break from the kids randomly from time to time, texts and calls me throughout the day, and just pours effort into our marriage. When we fight or I get triggered, he just listens and apologizes and tries to comfort me, even when I say the most ridiculous and mean stuff. Of course sometimes he messes up and says things that offend me and he quickly takes responsibility. He’s made a LOT of changes since 5 years ago and many changes since 8 months ago as well.
But then there’s me. I have been a disaster ever since that day. I am so hot and cold. I toggle between being certain I’m hideous and unlovable and being certain I’m loved and safe. I find myself frantic with anxiety, always waiting on the other shoe to drop. I will randomly just feel like he’s cheating on me or feel like he’s hiding something, and it will eat me up until I talk with him about it and he hands me all his devices and I look through them all. I’m constantly mirror checking, certainly have body dysmorphia, and although I’ve lost the vast majority of the weight in a healthy way, I’ve teetered at times on the edge of an eating disorder. I am struggling to believe a positive word he says and feeling so sure he’s going to flip any second now and break me down with his words.
We just had such a close marriage and to find out that not only did he have this inappropriate relationship with this woman, but he also willingly let himself resent me so much for just struggling on my hardest days. I completely get needing to express to your partner that you want them to take better care of themselves and I’m certain that conversation has to be difficult no matter how well it’s handled, but I feel like I was really beaten down in a way I did not deserve. And now I’m really struggling to trust that we’re ok now and we can leave it in the past. How do I stop comparing myself to every other woman we walk by? How can I trust that he’s not still just resenting me for my appearances? How do I believe a single kind word he says? How do I forgive him for that disaster, knowing we both walked away with so much that we needed in the end anyway? And how do I stop believing I am married to someone who doesn’t love me?

Previous chapter - https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/1d8xfng/from_the_ashes_chapter_4_new_home/
Since childhood, I had an aversion to magic.
I was taught from an early age that it was something dangerous and violent. Something that cannot be controlled, that cannot be wielded by human hands. Something that cannot be explained. And that aversion persisted into my adulthood.
I was taught that yes... But what put the nail in the coffin of my childhood curiosity was that day when my parents were laid to rest.
I remember it much more vividly now. Slowly but steadily, I feel like I am digging something out from the depths of my mind. And the peculiar thing is... It started happening when I met Kye. Sometimes when I look at her I feel a sense of deja vu which I cannot explain. A nostalgic feeling that is almost comforting... Maybe that's one of the reasons I hadn't left in these weeks. I had many chances.
Without much conversation, she helped me dig out some of my memories. By what method or means... I do not know. She awoke something I had hidden inside of me, my essence which I had inherited.
And that same child-like wonder for magic which now pushes me ever forward like a moth to a flame. Dangerous and violent, but endlessly fascinating and useful all the same.
A force of nature.
A force that can be studied through a scientific lens.
And study with scientific vigor I shall.

#
„Hold your concentration.“ Kye whispered to me.
We stood in the depths of the forest unmoving, camouflaged in green cloaks. In the distance just beyond the shrubbery stood a deer that was drinking from a small stream.
I held my hand out palm stretched wide open. Centimeters away from it was a medium-sized pebble, it was smooth and oval in shape. It levitated, though its levitation was far from stable. It bobbed like a ship at sea. I had difficulty holding it still in mid-air.
„Shoot before it notices us.“ Kye whispered once more.
I took a deep breath.
I felt the surge of energy concentrate in my palm. I imagine a pressurized tank of air...
Then I let go...
The pebble shook violently for a second then with a whoosh it flew at great speed, missing the target completely. Instead of hitting the water beside it spooking the animal. The deer raised its head abruptly in the direction where the pebble hit. Then subsequently ran off into the forest.
Kye sighed.
„Better than before, but you still can't aim precisely. You need to hold it steady in the air.“ She said standing up with her crossbow.
„Will we follow it?“ I asked.
„No, let it go. We have to check the traps, they ought to have caught something by now.“ She replied. I stood up as well, dusting myself off and picking up the rifle I had from the ground.
Kye says it only weighs me down... But I feel safer with it
Kye started walking back to where she set the traps, maybe a 30-minute trek back.
„We went pretty deep in today.“ I commented.
„Yes, that's why we're going back earlier. We don't want to be caught in the forest after sundown.“ She had a point. And I was pretty tired from walking through the damn forest all day. Hunting is no easy matter.
„Once we get back I'll get one grimoire we have in the library. It might help you with levitating objects steadily.“ She added.
„May I ask in what language is it?“ I inquired. She remained silent for a few moments.
„Kye you know I can't speak or read Elvish. Of all the books in that library you took out two are in a human language. One in Weserian surprisingly enough, which I can read... The other is Turian which I can probably get a few words here and there.“ I explained. I couldn't see Kye's face but I could guess it expressed mild annoyance.
„Alright, I'll read it to you again. But I'll have to teach you Almaganda at some point. You'll need it.“ She said, however much I did not look forward to it. I still needed to learn the language and script to learn on my own. Because it was frankly embarrassing that she needed to read it to me out loud like she would a child... Well, I am still a child in Elven years I guess.
I had to give her props she learned to speak Weserian with native fluency. She has my grandfather to thank for that... And I thank him as well. Because I would've probably had a bolt in my skull if she didn't know Weserian.

#
I realized the forest during the day was a tranquil and peaceful place. It held within it an ancient beauty that I was thankful to be able to witness and experience. However, after some time you get used to it and it simply fades into the background.
Kye and I chit-chatted during our walk briefly. Mostly about what were going to eat for dinner. But also she reiterated her points where I had to improve with my magic. Nothing new to my ears.
Finally, we arrived at the first trap, which was unfortunately empty. But we had set a few more of them so we continued. The second and third were also empty, I saw Kye was a bit perplexed at this, but she didn't comment on it. Once you are around her enough you can catch the small expressions she does as subtle as they are.
The fourth trap caught something.
„Finally!“ I said happily. We approached the trap and saw it caught a rabbit. Enough to feed us for the night. But we would need something bigger to sustain us during the week.
„We're going back to the house. We will go hunting first thing tomorrow to catch something bigger.“ Kye said, now this was something that raised a question mark above my head. Every previous time she was insistent we don't go back empty-handed, or with something too small.
„Kye, can you share your thoughts, please? I think you're not telling me something.“ I asked her.
She bit her lip.
„I think there might be something scaring off the animals.“
I felt a pit in my stomach form.
„Mages? Bandits?“ I asked.
„No... I'd know if it were either of those. A monster.“ She picked up the dead rabbit by its ears and put it in a large pouch. „And it is probably close by...“ She added.
I remember that Owen told of that the wildlife tends to be aggressive in these parts. Up until this point, I saw that the fauna was more or less the same as back home.
„What's the difference between a normal animal and a monster exactly?“ I asked Kye. I have heard of monsters before... But I didn't look too much into them. I knew they mostly lived in the east.
„A monster has a large amount of essence usually. They tend to be large and aggressive. However, there are exceptions to the rule. There is a species of large herd animals native to the plains of the east called Mulson. They have essence and are considered monsters, but are quite docile unless provoked. Some tribes even domesticated them and used them as pack animals.“ She explained. She looked deeper into the forest, but her gaze lingered before she continued. „I didn't suspect a monster at first because they usually go in small groups. I would've seen evidence of such a group... That only leaves one option left.“ She paused.
„A lone monster.“ She looked back at me. „We should get going now.“
She began walking and I followed her once again.
„A lone monster is more dangerous than a pack?“ I asked.
„Yes and no. If one were to attack us we could deal with it, but it is best to avoid it. Most of the time lone monsters are outcasts from their groups. They tend to be a lot more violent and unpredictable. That's what makes them a bigger risk than an entire group.“ She answered. I looked out into the forest as I walked. It didn't seem as tranquil and peaceful anymore. It was scarily quiet and still.


The same lingering feeling crept up as we continued to walk through the forest. I knew we were nearing the house, shelter. But with each step we took I felt as if we were being watched... The same feeling I had back in the wagon.
I kept my head on a swivel, looking around constantly, the sun was slowly starting to set and visibility became ever so scarce a resource. Kye was silent most of the trek. She was concentrating as well, but not in the same way as I. She told me she could 'sense' if there was an increase of essence in the area. It takes a lot of practice, of course, as she said. But she can do it.
She was a few paces in front of me when I turned my head back to face what was in front. I saw she stopped.
„What is it?“ I asked her in a whisper.
„Can you smell that?“ She asked right back. I made a few steps forward and then it hit me. A foul stench of rot. Before I could locate where it was coming from I felt something wet drop on my head. I instinctively went to touch it with my hand, and when I lowered it to inspect the wet substance, I realized what it was.
It was blood.
Looking up into the thick tree branches that blocked most of the sunlight I couldn't see much, but there were obvious shapes in there that didn't look natural. Kye manifested one of her light orbs and somehow managed to concentrate the light on the tree branches above us.
When she shone the light we finally saw them... Two horses strung up on the tree branches. They were disemboweled and had half their limbs missing.
They were half-eaten.
„How... That's...“ I muttered.
„Not our horses... Whose?“ Kye replied.
„Owen's“ I replied.
„We have to move, quickly.“ Kye said, de-manifesting the orb and beginning to walk at an increased pace. I followed, but that jog soon turned into a full-out sprint.
We ran through the forest with no regard for the sound we made. I could barely keep up, then I heard it. Shuffling behind us, it sounded rhythmic and slow... But it was quick enough to keep up with us. At that moment the only thought in my mind was that it wasn't something small most certainly.
Adrenaline kicked in and I ran as fast as my legs could let me while also trying not to trip.
I then made a foolish decision.
I looked back.
I saw something, but I couldn't quite make it out... But it towered over the both of us. And the thing was as agile as Kye.
When I turned my head back, I didn't see Kye.
Panic set in, but I couldn't stop, I knew if I made a turn I would quickly get lost.
I ran straight for as long as I could, but I heard the thing behind me quickly close the distance. I heard it panting. It sounded... human. But at the same time, it didn't. It sounded too deep to be that of a human or elf for that matter. No, this was something entirely different.
And it was big.
My legs started to give in, I felt them sting. I felt my lungs burn from the exertion. Soon enough I needed to stop, I needed to catch my breath. I heard the thumps behind me get closer and closer, I heard the thing roar... Gods, it was deafening. I heard it knock down trees as it began running even faster toward me.
And just as I thought I was doomed, something grabbed me and yanked me hard into a large hollowed-out tree. I tried to scream, but a hand was firmly placed over my mouth. Then I heard someone speak.
„Don't make a sound“ I heard a demanding whisper. It was Kye.
I stared wide-eyed as the thing passed by running. I saw its feet pass us. The ground shook slightly, and pieces of wood fell on our heads.
„Ju Mo...“ Kye said, I didn't understand what she said.
She released my mouth, and I peeked behind me to see her face.
Even though it was dark and hard to see, I could see her red eyes were wide open.
Terror.
She was afraid.
Shit, I thought to myself, I never saw her show a hint of fear, even when she face three goddamn mages by herself.
„Why is it here...“ She muttered to herself.
She looked at me with a terrified expression.
„You don't have any blood on you? Any scent?“ She whispered.
„No, I...“ Then I remembered. Horse blood. „Shit.“ I muttered as I started to go through my hair, I felt the blood stick to my fingers.
Kye looked at me like she saw a ghost.
Then we heard it come back with a quick pace. We heard it sniff the air.
Kye and I huddled in the hollowed tree, I saw her extend her arm. Her breath was quick and erratic.
Then the monster stepped right in front of the opening, it growled so deep I could feel it in my chest. I saw the monster was standing on two feet, its legs were hairy. And I could smell it, a foul stench of rot and Gods know what else. It was overpowering.
The monster started to crouch, and the moment it showed its face, I felt a strong force pull us to the back with such force we broke through the tree and flew right into the one behind it. Both of us hit the tree at the same time.
My spine felt like it snapped from the impact, but I couldn't grovel in pain just yet. Kye quickly stood up and grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.
„Get up!“ She yelled, I could hear the monster release another deafening roar, I looked back and saw it was holding its face. Whatever Kye did hurt it, and us...
We ran again through the forest, each moment the sun set farther and farther down below the horizon. And the forest was getting darker by the minute.
I heard the monster kept at it, it was behind us again. Kye stopped abruptly at a small open patch where trees weren't as densely packed together. She extended both her hands and broke of dozens of thick branches of the trees. In mere moments she managed to straighten all the branches into spears. I could see she was using all her strength to do that. I know how hard it is to hold a single small damn pebble still in the air, let alone dozens of heavy branches.
I saw the creature emerge from between the trees.
Right then Kye jabbed the air with her fist, the branches went flying straight at the monster.
When they hit, I thought for a moment everything was over. But then that thing... This monstrosity raised its damn hand, and with a flick of its wrist, all the spears flew out of it, some of them right back at us. Thankfully all of them missed.
But I could see the thing was now even more pissed than before. But it was staggered, but only for a short while. And it could use magic.
I had to think of something. We could use magic... Fire magic.
„Kye will fire hurt it?“ I asked quickly.
„Probably, but it won't kill it. If we use it then we'll have to deal with it and a forest fire!“ She replied.
Goddamn it - I thought to myself. I looked around, maybe there is something we can use. But it was futile, I couldn't see shit. We had to run.
Kye was already doing the same, I caught up to her. The thing was still tailing us. I saw she tried everything to hamper the monster's advance. She fell smaller trees as we ran, I could hear her grunt under the strain of each action she did.
I was in no better position, I couldn't feel my legs anymore. And I was on the verge of suffocating from exertion.
We managed to make some distance between it and us. Kye stopped, grabbing her knees, and panting heavily. I did the same.
I heard it in the distance charging forward still.
„Any bright ideas, Wyatt?“ She asked between pants.
Then I remembered... I still had the rifle. Though it would probably do jack shit to the thing...
I had to think rationally. The monster, though it possesses essence and magic is still a living being. It needs food, water, and air to survive.
My mind raced... Then I had it.
Air!
„Kye, for how long can you distract the thing?“ I asked her.
„Not long.“ She replied.
„I'll need 10 seconds, tops. Can you get a shield up? The same one as last time?“ I said.
„I can... What are you thinking?!“ She yelled back at me.
Just then we saw the monster emerge from the beyond the trees, charging right at us.
„DO IT!“ I yelled at her. Without missing a beat she turned around and erected the same transparent wall in front of us. A much larger one.
I grabbed the rifle from my shoulder and fiddled with it for a second to check if the round is chambered. It was, I closed it back up and aimed.
I was aiming for the jugular. The thing had thick fur, so any other part of the body was out of the question. Head, the skull is probably too thick. Chest, fur, and bone are in the way. Limbs are out of the question.
I was no marksman, but I had to make it work.
My hands shook, my breath uneven and erratic, I struggled to keep the rifle steady. I took a deep breath in and held it.
My hands calmed ever so slightly. The sights lined up with my eye.
I saw the thing hit the wall, Kye grunted. She felt it.
The monster was confused for a moment but then it started hitting the wall, with each hit I heard Kye was struggling to keep the barrier up. I heard her cough and wheeze.
I lined up my shot.
The monster roared.
My eardrums felt like they would burst at any moment.
„LIFT IT!“ I yelled. That moment the wall disappeared and the creature started running toward us again, I felt the ground shake. The monster roared.
My heart pounded like cannons mid-siege.
I felt sweat pour down my face.
I saw the thing open its mouth and extend its arms, ready to devour us.
Then I pulled the trigger.

BANG
I felt the rifle kick into my shoulder. The recoil was stronger than I'd anticipated.
The sound reverberated through the forest but it was drowned out by the monster's roar.
Then abruptly it stopped.
The monster slowed down to a jog, then to a slow walk. It grabbed its neck, I heard it gurgling.
I stepped back, it was getting closer.
Then mere feet from us it collapsed to its knees. It was in that position there, staring at us for a moment before I saw the flicker in its eyes disappear.
Then it collapsed to the ground with a resounding thump. Two mere steps from where I stood.
I stared at it, panting heavily I kicked its head.
It didn't react.
It was dead.
It was dead!
I turned around to look at Kye, she collapsed to her knees. She looked like she was bleeding from somewhere on her face, trails of blood were coming from her eyes and nose. But she was alive.
She looked at me.
The horrified expression quickly turned into a neutral one. Then, for the first time since I met her.
I saw her smile.
And I couldn't help but smile back. Letting out a small laugh.
Then she collapsed to the ground.
Next Chapter - (Coming soon, check Royal Road for schedule)

Is there such a thing as finding too much treasure?
Previous part: 8.9.
​
The new room could only be described as unfinished, you thought to yourself. You were passing under an arch of a building on your way through here and saw that hanging from it were supposed to be two drooping ropes with flags(or whatever this is supposed to be), but instead, you saw a purple digital polygonal imitation of it.
Other purple digital polygonal objects took the appearance of other real things in the area, but they lacked the what?-factor of the digital floating purple particles or what was going on with the ceiling of the room as it was a just purple grid. (Welcome to the AR world Jeremy. Glitchtrap's twisted wonderland.)
But this was all a distraction from the newly introduced threat in the form of Moon, as now you sought targets that prevent his deadly approach to your ride, all while you heard his chuckles.
In the next room, the situation was the same, except you saw different varieties of purple digital things pouring into the area. (Nice! it's the Princess Quest 3 purple pattern from Vanny's room and the purple arching energy from the wrecking ball in Roxy Raceway! I didn't notice them on the first watchthrough of the game, so it's nice to see and know what that connection is. Though now that I'm thinking about it, it's so weird that Princess Quest 4 shows no connection to anything, unlike its prequel.
Is it because the FNAF6's Pizzeria is so digitally distorted by Glitchtrap in the network that it doesn't show the tell-tale signs of the AR world or is it because the Pizzeria's sub-network isn't as connected to the greater network. Hmm... Something to look into later.)
As you continued to move through the area you saw more and more purple things just crawling throughout as you kept alert for specific targets to stall Moon. (Where in the world is this place? There's no such location we visit in Ruin that has this much wrecking ball energy flowing through it.)
But as you gazed about, you immediately spotted a blue blast-shaped button ahead and above on an arch. It's just like what the "message" depicted! Quickly you pointed your hand cannon at it and shot a couple times until you hit it. You were definitely on the right track now.
Passing under it, you were getting close to the double doors that lead to the next area, though curiously you saw purple digital particles that unlike before, were dripping from the ceiling like the floor above you was flooded.
(Okay, the only place that had to drip purple particles like this was the Upper East Server. That in addition to the purple grid on the ceiling above us, tells me we're directly under it, or really near to it. That sorta makes sense, because Foxy Log Ride is in/next to Glamrock Salon which is right next to the Upper East Server. It's so cool to be able to piece that together!)
But surprisingly, after going through those double doors, you were right back on the track heading towards a familiar area you had been to the first time you did this. Did the alternate paths weave in and out of the standard path? That must be it, you thought as you got all of the targets and headed to the next area where the train robbery scene takes place.
Immediately, after the lights flickered back on from the transitional darkness but before you enter the train robbery. You spotted another Helpy cutout and quickly shot it before you passed it.
Passed the train robbery scene is where you expected the path to diverge to the glitched route as you had taken to calling them, and lo and behold, as soon as you had gone through the train and through the double door at the end of it, you found yourself in a new area.
You heard Captain Foxy's voice once again as you entered the new route. "We be not responsible for any maimings that might happen on this here path." If you haven't already had a trip through an alternate path before, you're sure you'll be questioning how you would be maimed during the ride.
Your ride strolled ahead and entered chambers where you now had to shoot the targets to closed doors and block the Moon, rather than to earn points. However, as you did this, you heard people's laughter replacing the general ambiance of the ride. (I wonder if there's something with this.)
In these chambers, you shot another blue blast-shape button that you saw above near the ceiling, while you defended yourself from Moon's relentless drive to get to you on the ride.
But you eventually persevered through it all and made it back to the normal track again where you collected yourself by shooting at targets without worrying about the threat of Moon. But too soon to you, you found another Helpy cutout, which you shot of course, and was once again heading towards the dangerous alternate path. (Oh, I forgot to mention that these specific Helpy cutouts can be found in the original Pirate Ride in Help Wanted. And in Monty Golf and Superstar Daycare in Ruin. I wonder if Vanny had moved them there after the Help Wanted 2?)
This time noted by Captain Foxt with a simple "Overboard!"
The alternate path this time had no laughing ambiance and had you getting up close and personal with a dancing Moon unless you shot all the targets to make him go away from the platforms near where your ride gets the closest to them by turning on the lights. (Hmm... could this be a point against 1983 Moon? Why would 83 Moon be affected by light still? Also, is the laughing important? A hint to something?)
Another blue blast-shaped button was found and shot while on this path of constant danger, but with skill, awareness, and luck, you managed to get through it all. (Yeah I know there are gravestones in this specific area, but I'm not sure if it's referencing the missing 5 plus Charlie gravestone or if it's just props.)
Now you were back on the normal track, and as went through the next two areas you knew that the ride was coming to an end as you came upon the familiar comforting scene of Foxy and Chica along with other animals surrounding a cake and celebrating as you heard Captain Foxy say, "And the real treasure was friendship along."
(Both the scene and Captain Foxy's exact words are a call back to the original Pirate Ride in the first Help Wanted)
But as you stared at the scene, you finally realized that the cake itself had a blue blast-shaped button on it and proceeded to shoot it. To think that you were looking at it and didn't even realize it the first time you came through here. But now it's all over and you can finally see your improved score and get back to the restaurant.
Yet, as the lights flickered off and you moved forward in the darkness, you noticed something was wrong. The western-theme ambiance that was always there on the normal path came to an abrupt halt and left only silence and the everpresent noise of shifting water in its departure.
Suddenly the three spotlights lit up the path ahead of you, revealing to you a treasure chest on a miniscule island under the third one. As your ride got close to it, you noticed a couple of broken wooden boards on the side of the island, next to a crumple Pirate Foxy Flag.
As your ride came to a stop right next to the wooden box, it unexpectedly opened. (waaaaaaaait a minute! ITS THE CORN MAZE BOX!!! It's redesigned, but it's definitely it! Coincidently or is it Intentional? It has to be, they could have used an actual treasure chest for this, so it has to be intentional. Why? Memory Dolls... memories... William's Mask! It's the key to Glitchtrap!)
Gently, softly, the box's lid came open and a green costumed hand came out from the darkness within. The hand smoothly snaked out of the box until it was outstretched to you, revealing to you the treasure that it held in its palm. It was a doll, an unusual one at that, as it looked to be made by crocheting some wool into a human figure plushie. But stranger than that was the fact that it was wearing a Foxy mask.
You didn't know why, but you reached out to the hand, and hesitantly, grabbed the doll and watched as it poofed into purple smoke. The hand, with no doll in its grasp, sleeked backed into the box as the lid closed itself and your surroundings plunged into darkness.
Next thing you knew, the sound of celebrating cries filled your ears as you were back into the GAME WON! void. Stunned by the sudden change in your surroundings, you automatically hit the button for the crane machine to receive your prize with no thought. Your prize this time was a poster for Ballora titled DANCE!
Yet even though it was something new and interesting, your mind refused to be distracted from the bizarre event that just happened seconds ago. But no matter how much you tried to wrap your head around it, no matter how many times you tried to make sense of it, all you could blankly think is, what?
You felt strange, but you knew you had to keep moving forward. So you pressed the RETURN TO HUB button and returned to darkness to go back to the restaurant. Still, the sight of the Foxy doll never once left your mind.
Remember Jeremy? (the achievement for collecting the memory doll)
​
The achievement has twisted this Help Wanted phrase into a question. And finally, an answer was given to another. Everything is starting to make sense, but joy am I finding too much stuff! I reached my limit a couple Parts ago and now I'm beyond that!
But thankfully. Thankfully! we reached the end of Foxy Log Ride and now I can talk about Vanny, Vanessa, Jeremy, the Memory dolls, and even Glitchtrap now, because why not. What other discoveries while mentally exhausted from this stuff!
Don't worry, I know not to burn myself and take breaks. But still, I eventually have to come back to finish this, and that in itself creates mental fatigue. So let's finish this by starting with the long overdue conclusion of Double-V!
The last time we talked about this, I ended it by saying we'll go through the contradictions of Vanny's and Vanessa's character hinted in Ruin and Help Wanted 2. However, I want to go back a bit to when we were first introduced to Vanny as a character in Help Wanted the Curse of Dreabear.
It's only a few lines of dialogue, so it won't be long. Besides, Vanny apparently being a different person than Vanessa, means we can't exactly apply one's characteristics to the other. With Vanny only having so few lines and cameos in Security Breach, she is basically, completely unknown to us.
So what dialogue we know comes from her, needs to be under even heavy scrutiny for any hints of the personality and characteristics of our new villain.
Before we even start with her dialogue, something interesting has already happened in the preceding events. By finding and resembling the secret tapes and doing exactly what Tape Girl says in the final tape we attain the glitchy Glitchtrap plushie
"There is a way to kill it. It wants to escape. To escape through someone. Someone plugged into this game. That's you now. You have to let it begin the process of leaving through you, then use the disconnect switch that I've embedded by the main stage. Let it approach you. Let it begin to merge with you. Play the music and flip the switch*.* That will cause a hard restart of the game and flush the memory, effectively killing it, I hope. I don't know when it will come for you." -Tape 16
Now, we already know that this does not work at all in the slightest, as this method instead has Glitchtrap trapping and locking you up as he is let out of the game through the player's body that he now has control of. Digital Consciousness Transfer.
Next with the installment of the DLC, we acquire William Afton's old mask from the Corn Maze minigame after finding all four keys and the secret glitchy fifth key and head to the cellar where we discover the mask on a table on a candle.
With both of the items together worn and held respectively, we can hear the secret dialogue and the voice of Vanny for the very first time.
“Yes, I hear you. I know... No. There's no miscommunication... I understand... Yes, I have it. I made it myself. I think you would like it... No, no one suspects anything... Don't worry, I'll be ready, and I won't let you down. It will be fun.”
This means that the event that Vanny met Glitchtrap was, in fact, the ending of Help Wanted where you follow through on Tape Girl's deceptive instructions on digital transferring with Glitchtrap!
But right here, is where a slight problem occurs in the narrative of Vanny's story in the games. Vanny still has control of her body, she's still capable of defying Glitchtrap. Something that's been made clear to me through both Ruin and Help Wanted 2, is that Glitchtrap doesn't control Vanny at all.
Does he influence her? Yes. We see that in the way her costume is directly referencing him and the way she moves and dances.
Does he control her, however, that is where things get shaky. Because at this point in time, there hasn't been a single instance where Vanny is seen as someone being controlled.
Remember, we can't use anything that has to do with Vanessa to show that Vanny is being manipulated or controlled. So where in the new era games can you find Glitchtrap controlling Vanny?
You can't.
Does this mean she's doing this out of her own will? That is something that might've been more nuanced than what we all had perceived. Because I did it again, I've found more stuff! This time it's something important that everyone has missed in Help Wanted and it might well be the true origins of Vanny.
You see the base game of Help Wanted actually has a third ending to it. Or at least something that should be an ending. Besides, just completing all the minigames to get stuffed inside Freddy and following Tape Girl's 16th tape instruction, there's something else you can do that involves Glitchtrap.
That is let Glitchtrap complete the process of leaving through you.
I'm sure some of you are confused by what I'm talking about, but it's the sequence where you press the button and flip the switch, leading to the ending where Glitchtrap locks you up. I'm saying instead of doing that, do nothing and watch what happens next.
A blaring noise could be heard asGlitchtrap stretched his hand out to you. He spoke distortedly and unintelligible, while green cones of energy flowed out from him and toward you. In seconds, Glitchtrap's eyes turned red, the blaring noise increased its volume, and the energy cones became purple while your view became clouded in a purple haze. Soon purple spots began to appear on Glitchtrap's body, as the noise became too loud to your ears, and the energy cones became red as your vision was almost nothing but purple. Soon even Glitchtrap started to disappear into the purple as his body became pixelated by the purple, leaving only his general outline until even that became purple.
Finally, after your purple vision grew flickering bright and the blaring noise ceased, your vision slowly returned to you, accompanied by music and the sound of static from a monitor. (That's the same music that plays if you press the button on the side of the monitor and the static sound you're hearing is specifically from FNAF's 2 game over static.)
At first, your purple view distorted itself with pixels before the purple started to fade slightly as you could see the hub world. But your perspective was wrong, you were staring from the opposite side of where you were sitting, while the place you once stood at was empty.
Your vision, still overlayed with purple while distorted and pixelated, looked down as you brought your hands up. Your hands which were always outlined and seethrough, now looked solid and were covered by gloves of a familiar costume that you were just staring at a couple seconds ago.
As the purple started to overwhelm your distorted and pixelated vision again as you stared at your— Glitchtrap's hands, your mind was finally able to recognize the words that were being spoken to you by him.
"Can you hear me?"
If you want to see this for yourself, then I have two Youtubers that I managed to find, that did this. 99TH VR and 8-bitRyan.
After this, you're taken to the GAME OVER void. But what's unique about this void is that the monitor here never displays any quotes, no matter how many times you do this.
This ending that should've been, along with what "Tape Girl" said before finally reveal what exactly Vanny is.
"—Let it approach you. Let it begin to merge with you. —." -Tape 16
A merger, a fusion of two different beings, that's what Vanny is! This is why I was having so much trouble trying to figure out how Vanny came to be from the two "endings" we get from Help Wanted. The answer is neither of the two. She mostly came from the failed Tape Girl instructions scenario where Glitchtrap completes his merger with someone to get out of the game.
It also explains why we see gigantic Vanny in Help Wanted 2's consequences ending and adds even more reason why an altered EnemyBasic appears on her wall in the AR world! Vanny herself is not infected as we first believed, but rather a fused entity between Glitchtrap and someone else.
With this origin, she would still be able to traverse and interact with things connected to the network if she's plunged into it.
And considering what she's wearing in Security Breach and that the Security Mask and the occipital transponder are a technology that exists now in the current FNAF lore. She has every way she needs to stay connected to the Pizzaplex's network. But let's get back to her dialogue and dissect it.
"Yes, I hear you. I know... No. There's no miscommunication... I understand... Yes, I have it. I made it myself. I think you would like it... No, no one suspects anything... Don't worry, I'll be ready, and I won't let you down. It will be fun.”
We can immediately pinpoint a characteristic of Vanny with the entirety of this dialogue, willing and eager to please. I would also put young in that description, but I don't if it's because she's actually young here or that the voice actress has a bit of a youth tone to their voice.
Anyway, the "Yes, I have it. I made it myself. I think you would like it" part of her dialogue was already analyzed by me before, but let me elaborate on something I've been thinking about.
William's Mask has to be in the current Fazbear Entertainment's possession because the pizzaplex hasn't been built yet or is in the middle of being constructed by the time of Help Wanted's development or release since Cassie herself refers to it as an "old headset game", so the Security Mask isn't around just yet.
What I'm thinking here is that Vanny had come across it sometime to use as a reference for her costume. And make no mistake, Vanny's mask is making a callback to it as it's only a slight redesign and recolor to make it her own. Even Cassie makes notes of Vanny's mask being similar to the Security Mask by how she mistakes them for being the same.
But that doesn't sound right. Vanny wasn't working with Fazbear Entertainment when she met Glitchtrap, just under them through the second development team. Plus, most of the game was developed under a different team until it was in its beta version while Vanny's team had just come in to finish it to release it.
We have already seen what an object created solely by Glitchtrap looks like in Help Wanted in the form of his plushies, so we already know that he didn't recreate the mask in the game.
So maybe I'm thinking about this the wrong way. Both the mask and Grimm Foxy show up in Princess Quest, and we have already established how both important relate to William and Glitchtrap. And both are what are needed to destroy Glitchtrap.
Where did we first see that Mask? Not in the Help Wanted base game but in the Halloween DLC. That means the game was still being worked on even after its release, so Vanny would've had time to model this mask into the game. But why? I think these game-over quotes that show up only in Dreadbear are a clue.

• Report glitches before they spread.
• Don't look behind you.
• It's only a dream.
• Where am I?
• Purging system...

The report glitches quote, easily fits with what Vanny is talking about in with the "No, no one suspects anything." The "Where am I" part is intriguing, but I don't think I can pin that to Vanny. Hmm... I wonder if this is where our Golden Princess comes to be. It's something to look into later.
It's the "Purging system" part that is what I want to focus on here. This provides the needed explanation for things being the way they are now. Glitchtrap, the one that's not merged into Vanny, might've started running rampant during the DLC development, causing either Fazbear Entertainment or Vanny's development team to focus entirely on shutting him down.
The purging of the system might've been their solution for him. This might've worked too if Vanny wasn't already created by the time of the purging. And since Vanny is working under Glitchtrap here, she would've been in the perfect position to take Glitchtrap and everything he contains out of Help Wanted and into a developing game called Princess Quest(Working Title). Though, Vanny might've rushed the job under such circumstances, taking part of The Curse of Dreadbear's code along with Glitchtraps into the new game.
But that's all for now, I'll talk about that more when we get Princess Quest 4.
"I'll be ready, and I won't let you down. It will be fun.” This right here, more than anything, tells us that Vanny is not so much reluctant but more following in the Glitchtrap's order than we all first believed. But we shouldn't be so surprised about it.
Vanny's previous alias, "Reluctant Follwer", didn't come from any of the games, books, or even Scott's website but instead came from voices.com, a website Scott uses to find voice actors. The name is used as a guide for the actor and a descriptor for how the voice should be toned and acted.
The name is an oversimplification of a character for how they're going to sound in the one game they appear in, not all. So the name "Reluctant Follwer" would've only applied to Vanny in this game.
And as we see from Security Breach, Vanny is anything but reluctant to follow Glitchtrap's order. Yet after that game and as of Ruin and HW2, that name might been more appropriate now than it was back then as there appears to be a rift now between the two. But more on that at a later.
One last thing. With this origin in place, we now have another explanation for why we only hear Vanny's side of the conversation and not Glitchtrap's. We are hearing Glitchtrap's side of that conversation, he is her. It's the reason why her voice becomes echoey in her final word, fun.
Now let's finally get into the ties between Vanessa and the villains. Though...
​
Shoot! I made it too big again! Continue on here Part 8.999

TL DR: boyfriend decided to get stupid close to a strainer on a relatively calm but fast river. He capsized and nearly drowned but I was able to save him. WEAR YOUR FUCKING PFD.
This incident involved my boyfriend and I on a commercial kayak float a little over a month ago. We kayak frequently on flat lakes so this was the first time kayaking on a river. I have gone rafting on whitewater rivers a handful of times and was aware of strainers, but I misunderstood that they are just as dangerous on calmer rivers too.
This was through a rental company near Eureka Springs. It was my boyfriend, I, and my parents. We are mid 20s and parents are mid 50s. Our guide takes us to the put in, and says okay see yall in a couple hours at the take out. No safety briefing but I did not think much of that since this was a calm flat portion of the river.
We launch and go on our way. It was sunny but kind of chilly, and the water was very cold and moving at a good pace. Because of the fast current, we did not have to paddle much, which we all liked. Very relaxing! The water was deep, maybe 8-10 feet on some spots and you could see right down to the bottom. Fish and everything!
Maybe 25 minutes in, the water got darker and you couldn’t see the bottom. Dumb mistake number one was us taking our PFDs off and shoving them to the bow of the kayaks. I remember thinking if anything happened it could be grabbed quickly. Nope. Just wear the damn thing.
My parents were a ways ahead of boyfriend and I. He is floating to my left and is about 20-30 feet from me. Up ahead on river left I see a decent sized downed tree parallel to the shore about 8 feet from the shore. There was fast moving churning water all around it. My boyfriend calls out that we wants to ride through that. I call out not to, just give it a wide berth.
For a second it looked like he heeded my warning, but then suddenly he was right at the thing. Not wearing his PFD. I see him try to paddle away but the current pushed him right in. His kayak immediately flips and he comes out. The kayak is between him and the strainer and in retrospect I thank whatever God was watching that day for this. I think it would have been worse if he was between the kayak and tree.
I yell at him to swim away from it as I paddle towards him with every muscle in my body. He tried to climb into the sinking kayak. It flips over on him again. He goes under for what felt like far too long but comes up. He tried to grab a branch on the tree over the water and the current suddenly pushes him away from it. At this point I am on him, I toss him my life jacket to him since his was gone. I can see the cold and exhaustion setting in, and all he can mutter is “cold, hard to move”. He also mentions something being “stuck”.
With what must have been adrenaline, I grab him by the arm and pull him away from the tree and churning water. All 5’2 130lbs of me suddenly had this hulk strength. I tell him I have you, I won’t let go, I’m going to get us to the river bank. My heart is pounding out of my chest. It was so hard to hold him while paddling but thank god I was able to. I’m trying hard not to tip us both over.
The current is pushing us away from the strainer somehow. He is now clinging to the side of my boat in deep water. He’s shaking and looks exhausted. I can see fear. I was very afraid too but trying to be the strong one.
His kayak is far ahead of us and as it goes past my dad, he grabs it. Dad said it was sinking by the bow. He used his belt loop to “tow” it and he and my mom reach shore at a boat ramp. I could not see them as they were around the next bend in the river.
We come up on a tree that had fallen over but was mostly out of water. Next to it is the shore. I drag boyfriend over here and yell at him to get on land now. Now he is on land and can catch his breath. Thankfully he held his breath when we went under and didn’t swallow water. Just shaken up and exhausted. I rest my kayak on the bank so I can figure out a plan.
During the capsize, his shoes had come off and disappeared, his paddle, kayak, and PFD were gone too. He did not bring his phone and I have no signal on mine. Here we are stranded on a river bank in the middle of no where, no signal and one kayak. I couldn’t communicate with my parents that we were relatively okay.
He tells me when he went under, he felt the kayak be pulled right from him. Said he felt his foot catch on a submerged branch and it took a lot of strength to yank it free. He is all scratched up. He said he reached under to grab the PFD but it was all tangled in the tree. At this point he looked up and I was reaching down for him.
From where we are now to to boat ramp was calm flat water and I couldn’t see any big hazards. I was in a big kayak with a lot of room and he is a skinny guy, so I suggest he sit in my boat between my legs to get to the ramp. He says that’s a good way to tip. He was right, but I told him we have to try. If we tip here we are in only a foot or two of water. My other option was leave him and come back with help.
We decide to try riding tandem and thank fuck it worked. I was able to move him maybe three quarters of a mile to the bank where everyone and his undamaged (thankfully) kayak was waiting. We stay there for a bit to gather our wits. We ended up all getting back in our boats and had an uneventful rest of the float.
The rest of the trip I felt very disturbed and out of body. I never shed a tear to try and look strong. To be honest, I thought I was going to watch my love get sucked under and drown. I don’t know what gave me the mental clarity and pure strength to save him.
Here is where I am struggling. A few weeks after our near miss, a woman was killed the same way by a strainer in Arkansas. Calm section of the river but got too close without her PFD and drowned. I guess the friends tried to get her but just couldn’t. https://www.americanwhitewater.org/content/Accident/detail/accidentid/118175
I didn’t start having nightmares and panic until I read about her accident. I guess it showed me how fucking close he got to dying. Why did he get free and she didn’t? Why was I able to save him alone but her friends were unable? The shock and trauma and loss. I keep replaying these images in my head.
My boyfriend and I have talked deeply about everything and I know he learned his lesson. I thank the universe I didn’t have to make that call to search and rescue.
Moral of my story is wear that god damn life jacket, and stay FAR away from strainers. I don’t care how mild that water looks near it or how strong you think you are. Nature does not care.
I don’t know if I’ll want to kayak a river again, at least not for awhile. Please be kind in the comments but I would love some advice from more experienced people. I understand I put my life in danger to save him. I’m thankful we are both here to tell the story. Thank you for reading, I really needed to get this off my chest.

TL;DR:
I accidentally hurt my cat and I’m feeling pretty horrible guilt right now. I would never in a million years hurt her. She doesn’t really seem badly hurt, just stiff/sore - she seems mostly fine! But I let my guard down and she’s suffering for it. I feel bad enough for both of us.
My plan right now is just to keep her as comfortable as I can, watch her over the next day or so, and take her to the vet if she doesn’t seem any better or if she gets worse. Is there anything else I should be thinking of?
Details:
Last night, I was sitting up in bed reading. My bed is adjustable, and the head of the bed was tilted up to about a 45 degree angle. I’ve had this bed for months, and my cat (Maia, 15f, indoor only, generally great health) has always completely avoided the underside of it, so I guess I relaxed my guard a little.
I pushed the button to lower the bed flat again, and when it was most of the way down I felt something scrabbling, and then a BIG meow, and realized she was under there. I had the remote in my hand and immediately stopped it and raised it, and she came out.
I ran my hands all over her, and she purred; I tested her back, her ribbs, her tail, all her feet, shoulders, head and neck - she didn’t seem to be in any pain anywhere. She got on the bed with me as usual, but seemed a bit careful on her feet. She lay down like she usually does and purred while I petted her, but didn’t stay long - possibly because I kept trying to touch her feet and spine and make sure nothing was damaged.
When she got down from the bed, she used the pet steps (she usually does, it’s a high bed) - but she went down carefully, one paw at a time, not her usual bounce or trot.
She eventually went downstairs and got in the fluffy dog bed and went to sleep; this is not unusual for her. I had my housemate check her over as well, and she agreed that Maia didn’t seem to be in any pain. Sometime in the night, she came back upstairs, got some food, and used the litterbox - then went back downstairs to the dog bed.
This morning/afternoon she’s just been sleeping on the dog bed, and when she moves she seems a bit stiff/careful. But she‘s still eating, still drinking water, still using litterbox. She still seems happy to accept a tummy rub, and purrs and offers full access. She‘s able to clean herself and seems to be no less flexible than she was before. And when I had waffles for breakfast she got up long enough to come lick some butter off my fingers (also as usual).
I guess I don’t think she’s really hurt badly, but the guilt is just eating away at me. I’ll probably never raise the bed up again. Looking for any advice or suggestions on how to help her over the next few days.

Hell
Scene: A luxurious, albeit hellish, living room. Red and black décor with gothic furniture. Satan and Beelzebub are lounging on a couch. A big screen TV is playing "Hazbin Hotel."
Satan: (laughing) Beelzebub, get a load of this! They're saying I have a daughter!
Beelzebub: (chuckling) Oh, I know, right? Everyone knows you have a son. What's his name again? Damien?
Satan: Yeah, Damien. Not Charlie. I mean, Charlie's a nice name and all, but really?
Beelzebub: (pointing at the screen) Look at that! They're just hanging out like it's a coffee shop. Where's the eternal torment?
Satan: (laughing harder) Seriously! What do they think Hell is, a day spa? I've worked hard to maintain a certain level of, you know, misery and suffering.
Beelzebub: (mockingly) "Come to Hell, enjoy our 5-star torture chambers!"
Satan: (wiping tears of laughter) And this part— you die again in Hell? I mean, the whole point is that this is it! No do-overs, no second chances.
Beelzebub: (snorting) Right? They act like Hell is just a pitstop. "Hey, I'm just passing through, looking for more death." Good luck with that!
Satan: (leaning back) If people really knew what Hell was like, they'd be... well, horrified. Not planning on opening a hotel.
Beelzebub: (laughing) Imagine the Yelp reviews: "Two stars, fire was too hot, screams of the damned kept me up all night."
Satan: (grinning) "Room service was slow, but the torture devices were top-notch."
Beelzebub: (shaking his head) Singing and dancing demons? That’s rich. When was the last time you saw Asmodeus break into a show tune?
Satan: (smirking) Last time I checked, the only singing we do is the wailing of lost souls.
Beelzebub: (mock singing) "Welcome to Hell, the happiest place on Earth!"
Satan: (snapping his fingers) That should be our new slogan. We could put it on T-shirts.
Beelzebub: (laughing) And coffee mugs. "Hell: Where the coffee's always burning."
Satan: (mockingly sentimental) Oh, look at that. A touching moment in Hell. Because nothing says eternal damnation like a heart-to-heart.
Beelzebub: (pretending to wipe a tear) It’s just so... inaccurate.
Satan: (turning off the TV) Well, that was entertaining. Nice to see people have such wild imaginations about what we do here.
Beelzebub: (grinning) Yeah, if only they knew the truth.
Satan: (laughing) If they did, they’d be too scared to even think about making a show like that.
Beelzebub: (stretching) So, back to torturing souls?
Satan: (standing up) You know it. Let’s remind them what Hell is really about.
Heaven
Scene: A beautiful, serene living room in Heaven. White clouds, golden light, and ethereal furniture. God and the archangels Gabriel and Michael are seated on a divine couch, watching a big screen TV.
God: (with a remote, clicking through channels) Let's see what's popular down on Earth these days. Ah, here’s one—"Hazbin Hotel."
Gabriel: (concerned) I’ve heard about this. Some of the depictions are... controversial.
Michael: (light-heartedly) Oh, how bad can it be? It’s just a cartoon, right?
The TV shows the scene where angels are depicted as ruthless and psychotic, carrying out violent acts against the souls of Hell.
God: (horrified) What in My name is this?
Gabriel: (covering his mouth) Oh no, this is worse than I thought.
Michael: (eyes wide) They think we’re... murderous psychopaths?
God: (sighing) This makes the heretics of the Middle Ages look like saints. Where do they come up with this stuff?
Gabriel: (indignant) Heaven and Hell are nothing alike! How can they portray them as basically the same? The only difference is one has a bunch of clouds and the others is just fire.
Michael: (shaking his head) I mean, come on! We’ve got fluffy clouds and harps and the ability to wish for anything in the entire world, not fire and brimstone and torture.
God: (rubbing temples) This show is making it look like I can’t run a proper afterlife. If the people behind this aren’t Satanists, they definitely hated Sunday school.
Michael: (trying to lighten the mood) Maybe they just need a better scriptwriter. Or a divine intervention in their writers' room.
God: (sighing deeply) This is what I get for giving humanity free will and creativity. They create... this.
Gabriel: (turning to God) Should we... do something about this?
Michael: (grinning) Like sending a cease-and-desist from Heaven?
God: (chuckling despite Himself) Tempting, but no. Let them have their fun. We know the truth, and those who seek it will find it.
Gabriel: True. But still, it's hard to watch.
Michael: (laughing) Imagine if we had a heavenly response show. "Heaven Hotel: The Real Story."
God: Now that would be something. But for now, let's just hope people don’t take it too seriously.
Gabriel: (groaning) Okay, now that’s just insulting.
Michael: (laughing) I think we need to change the channel before Gabriel has a meltdown.
God: (changing the channel) Agreed. Let’s find something a little more... accurate.
The TV switches to a nature documentary, and everyone relaxes.
God: (smiling) Ah, much better. Nothing like the wonders of My creation to cleanse the palate.
Gabriel: (sighing in relief) Thank Heaven for that.
Michael: (grinning) Literally.

Context: Website, html/js/css, React to help format/interface html+js, Express backend (should be completely irrelevant)
Devices: Win10 laptop w/standard 5-button mouse (MS Edge latest), samsung phone (android 12, google chrome mobile latest)
Event: When you scroll, it isn't an instantaneous event, it scrolls for half a second to a few seconds depending how fast the scroll is (and how long the focused elements scrollable content is). This is actually represented by several onscroll events of varying distance, usually farther distances towards the middle of the scroll event sequence.
Goal: I have a title bar on my site; when a user scrolls down I want to hide it, when they scroll up I want to show it. This part works fine. I also want to cancel the event so its easier to hide the menu on scroll without actually pushing any content off the top of the screen. This works fine in 2 conditions: I set the disable timer to be very long (undesirable as it makes me impatient quite quickly), or the disable timer is short, but I only do a small scroll for the start (realistically fine, if they do a big scroll they clearly want to go down, but it flickers a lot during the transition period between the top and bottom of the scroll event).
Is there a way to clear all queued scroll events caused by a single swipe or push of the scroll wheel? I'm realizing the feasible option may be to just show it when scrolled all the way up and otherwise hide it.

I’m struggling a bit and would like to ask the group for some insight. We have three kids between us, SS15, and my BD12 and BD9
My question really centers around how I, as the stepparent, can emotionally process a situation that affects me, but one in which I feel as if I won’t truly ever get a resolution or any closure on my end?
Background: SS is finishing his freshman year, about to turn 15. We just found out unexpectedly that he has to do summer school (not unexpected that he didn’t pass but we were led to believe he’d repeat the class next year). We had built our summer plans and custody schedule out months ahead and now there are two major pivots, both of which affect me logistically, and financially but also, DH is losing a large chunk of his summer custody and also has to foot a summer school bill. We had a similar situation last summer. Last minute summer school flipped our entire summer.
We actually very intentionally tried to plan a schedule this year around the retake of state exams we assumed would need to be retaken, but we missed the mark on him needing to go to classes in person for several weeks. His mom had moved several years ago and his school district is about 90 minutes from us, so he’ll have to stay there for those weeks because we can’t do the drive twice daily.
My question revolves around how do I deal with this elephant in the room, where I’m the only one with an elephant? SS15 and I don’t have much of a relationship or interact much, so although DH has had the conversations and hard moments and able to both process and get positive interactions to offset, I don’t really have that. And I’m finding it difficult to just put aside.
I’m especially struggling to buy in on some of the potential alternative plans when it feels like they are pivots that actually end up working in SS’s favor, whether it be logistical or increases our financial cost. To top it off, the major thing we have to pivot was in fact for his birthday and while DH and I had already come to an understanding that grades and school weren’t going to affect birthday, I feel like in all of the newly potential scenarios, the only way to make this work is at a further net negative to me/us, (and also a involves my mom as well as the other kids) and a likely net positive to SS, which just feels like rewarding poor choices.
DH and I feel sort of stuck because we can both understand each other, but we feel like there’s not a lot of options that honor each other. For as much as I don’t want to be stuck here, it just doesn’t feel like there’s not much opportunity for resolution so it’s sort of “just deal and move on”, yet at the same time it hits on the bruises from before that haven’t been resolved. I have no outlet and right now I feel like a lot of my feels are just directed at my partner unfortunately.

Every so often I take my Uchi cookbook off the shelf and flip through it looking for something to make that's approachable in terms of time/effort/required ingredients or equipment. I don't find much: understandable since it's meant to show "how to make the food that's made at Uchi" and not "how to make comparable dishes as a home chef," but I'd still like to get some use out of it besides it being a pretty bookend.
Has anyone found some recipes in there that they really enjoyed? And, even better, ones that they enjoyed enough to keep making?

Hey! I currently own a Guild D240e, which a monster of a guitar, as you might know: clear, crispy sounding, but also extremely loud. In 5 years of playing with other people I've never had to amplify it! Cuts through the mix right away.
Thing is, this 'boominess' is actually a problem in terms of writing/performing tunes in the non-amplified solitude of my home, for my voice is quite soft, and I can't even manage to hear myself when I strum the damm thing.
I've tried playing with my fingers but my index nail gets worn off quickly, forcing me to go back to the pick, which makes the noise unbearable. I also stuffed the guitar with a sweater but it didn't solve much of resonance problems.
So, two things: any other advice on how to use my guitar properly to fit my voice? I have no intention on changing my voice, for i've finally managed to make it confortable and on pitch (relatively). And, second: what kind of wood / construction should I look into to find my new guitar?
I'd appreciate your personal stories if you've had problems like this as well.
Thank you!

I’ve been in a relationship for 18 months that has been a complete rollercoaster. We went to therapy and our therapist referred to our extreme fights as our “cycles”. Tried to get us to prevent them by isolating ourselves when things started getting heating, which didn’t work at all. It took me a long time to realize that I was being emotionally abused. Every fight started with me making a boundary needing respect, and dissolved into her cutting off contact, screaming, humiliating, insulting, name-calling. By her own admission she tried to hurt me as much as possible. My mental health deteriorated severely. This happened at least once a month. Recently we had a huge blowout overseas and she started threatening to have me thrown out of the house. I pay all of our rent and most of our other bills, but we’re both on the lease. When we got home we were both jet lagged and sick. I waited a few days then tried to address what had happened. It very quickly escalated and she said she was working to have me taken off the lease. She actually called law enforcement and tried to have them remove me from the house, which they wouldn’t do since I’m on the lease and there was no cause. I begged her for HOURS to just talk to me and work things out, telling her I’d have to file a protective order if she didn’t. She started moving all of my things out of one of our bedrooms, mocking me about emotional abuse, swearing at me, etc. I ended up filing and the order was granted. My partner flipped out, but law enforcement quickly removed her from the property. That was three weeks ago. The whole time I’ve been trying to stop wanting to reconcile, remember how awful she was to me, etc. Court hearing was Friday, and she came in full of threats and viscious lies, where I’d been hoping she wanted to reconcile. I was heartbroken. Her threats made it impossible for me to safely drop the order, so we proceeded with mediation. She agreed to a one year order, her holdout was keeping something that she knows I paid for that has extreme emotional value to me. I know she did that only to hurt me. I’m having so much trouble reconciling the person I thought was my best friend with this hurtful person. I’m struggling with always having been able to help her “snap out of” these phases before, and wanting to do so again, but knowing she’s cut me out. My heart wants to dismiss the order so that there’s at least a chance. I’m talking to friends, therapists, support groups and DV lines, but the idea of dropping the order is the only thing that comforts me. I know that’s because I hope she will come to her senses, that she isn’t really this hurtful person, and will come home. Please help me make the right choice to stay safe and respect myself? I didn’t know it was possible to hurt this much.