Mujhe chacha ne raat bhar choda.com

bhai maine aaj bst ke application number bharte time ek circle galat bhar diya tha... fir invigilator ne bola ki wo kaat ke dusra krdo circle same line wala to maine krdiya
pta nhi mera dimaag kaha tha but maine ek qn bhi glt mark krdiya... 19 krdiya jbki 20 krna tha to maine uspe bhi cross marrdiya aur 20 pe mark krdiya
yaar mujhe dar lag rha hai kahi paper cancel to nhi hojaega mera mere 200/200 bnre h vse bst me kyunki

I have spent the first 10 years of my life sleeping on floor, right beside my parents bed and hoping that one day it will all change. I will have a better life coz bollywood taught me that. My parents got me admitted in this okayish private school, jiske fees ka jugaad karna was the toughest thing every single quarter. Hamesha udhar hi lena padta tha. Isliye, I tried my best to study hard and top the class every single time. I did that. I also helped my mom with her chores coz health issues kaafi the unko. Dad could and would never buy any health insurance, no savings but haan 30-40 lakhs ka loan he has saved for us, so maybe yay!! On top of it, I got admitted into this psychology course and I understood too much about my grief, inta jitna janna meri sehat ke liye bilkul accha hi nahi tha. mera bhai is exact dad ka photocopy. Essentially na ma ko kabhi izzat milti na mujhe. My dad wanted me to pursue UPSC but lenders ghar aane lage aur cheezei bhaut kharab ho gayi. I had to take up jobs in college to pay for fees and then had to support my dad. Padhai ne poori back seat leli aur poora focus bus paisa earn karna. 9-5 ke baad jab ghar aao to mummy apni zindagi ko kosti, bhai hamesha earphones lagake baitha rehta aur mai unki sunti. Kayi baar is chakkar me papa se bhot behes bhi hui aur bhai se to pucho hi mat. Shayad chup rehna hi behtar hai. Then, I relocated to BLR for sometime (I was making almost 1+ lakh/pm and I thought acche logon ke beech me rehne se maybe mai kuch accha kar paun). 7 months baad maa ki tabiyat zyada kharab ho gayi hai aur ab mujhe wapas yahan aana pada. Ghar ke haalaat dekhti hun to man karta hai ki apna sar kahin jaake fod lun. This doctor has recommended a surgery jo ab unavoidable hai. sadly, na mediclaim hai aur na hi paise. Wo 7 mahine pehli baar maine life me peace feel kiya. subha uthke bina lade brkfast milna, raat ko khane ke baad bina roye sona. paise mere paas BLR me bhi nahi the kyunki mai sab ghar bhijwa deti except rent and for minor grocery lekin calmness was bharpuur.
Kaash mai apne apko bacha paun.
On that note guys, ye bus rant hai. shayad is ummeed se ki koi relate kar paye, ya pata nahi. Sorry agar kisi ka keemti waqt waste hua ho.

I'm 18 currently in class 12th. Jb Maine 10th pass Kiya mera result 66.4% tha below avg student hu mujhe jee ke bare mein dost ne bataya or bola dono sath me hi preparation krenge fir bola avi 10th ke baad admission nhi lene agle saal admission lenge 11th me ek saal drop le ke 9th 10th ka basics strong kr lo pta nhi kaise ye bakchod wala idea Maine maan bhi liya or addmission nhi liya lekin us saal Maine kuch bhi nhi padha sir video games, movies, social media yhi sb Kiya pure ek saal waste kr diye fir 11th me addmission liya socha ab se padhunga fir whi haal hua padhai ka aadat hi chut gya to kaise padhta 11th bhi pura waste kr diya ek single chapter bhi nhi padha 2 saal se book copy touch bhi nhi Kiya Aisa bhi nhi tha ki Mai bohot enjoy kr rha tha lekin padhne ka bilkul maan nhi krta tha padhai se maan hi hat gya Ghar mein bhi sab bolna chor diye hai dost log ke sath reh ke Nasha bhi krne lga hu avi 12th me gya online batch liya hu pw ka sb kuch hai padhne ke liya sara resource for bhi ab maan hi nhi kr rha padhne ka 12th ka class 1 April se start hua ek single lecture nhi attend Kiya hu mujhe bhi nhi pta hai ki Mai ky kr rha hu din bhar phone use krna or raat ko soo Jana kabhi kabhi to suicide krne ka bhi Maan Kiya hai. I wasted 18 years of my life😭😓

I can be considered a dropper maybe
i will explain my situation in some way
2023 - Grade 12th given - got 68% as I was sick that time - jee main 2023 - 92.3%ile (was not jee prep student from the start only just gave it because dosto ne bhi form bhare the). Physics se saare marks the zyadatar as it was my best subject
now as 12th marks were poor, mujhe state me bhi kahi acchhe college me admission nahi milta for competitive branches
so basically, I gave whole 12th again. In gujarat state board, you have to give the whole ass 12th again and your previous result (in my case 2023 12th result was invalid now and its record is no longer available)
so now, mene 2024 me 12th wapis diya and was able to secure 96% in PCM (thankfully)
par iss saal mene JEE Main 2024 nahi diya hai because mujhe tha ki kya karunga yeh dekar iss saal
now main question is about IAT (IISER Aptitude test) 2025. kyuki iss saal ab toh form bhar nahi sakta. can I give the IAT 2025 now given my situtation, as it mentions ki agar double dropper ho toh bhi you can give IAT exam now
mere case me toh on paper me 2024 ka 12th student man ne aaunga coz 2023 result doesn't exist
my physics is good enough right now. Maths me obviously itna acchi nahi hu at Mains level
also can I give JEE Mains 2025 as well? pls thoda bata do Also will I be eligible for Jee Advanced or not?? I am so confused. But agar sirf IAT bhi mil jaaye dene ko, then I am fine as well. I am asking Simply because mene 2023 advanced diya nahi as my marks were poor in 12th itself. So I did not fill out form
also IISc Banglore's criteria is you should've passed class 12 from 2023 or 2024 for the 2024 exam
in my case, my class 12th is obviously passed from 2024 now, but my school leaving certificate is from 2023 only as they have to give LC to students who passed that year. as I passed in every subject.
so pls pls pls help me here.
mujhe pata hai thoda confusing scene hai meri, but koi help kar sakta hai toh kar do pls
thanks for reading till here
bye

bc 10th me 90 laye the,papa ne iphone prmise kiya tha 90.2% ke upar laya toh. What did i get? Faces of dissapointment because it was *just* above 90.
12th me 83.6 aaye. 97 in computers, they didn't talk about computers. pcm me avg 77.3% admittedly. What did I get? Papa ne sunaya bas. Bc i got scolded because it was *just* above the minimum 75% all colleges are asking.
BC sirf dant khata hu mai. papa ko pata hai how much I like photography, mujhe ek camera promise kiya tha, dad is backtracking on that too, ki zyada costly hai etc. 2 weeks back jab s23 was selling for 40k, he asked me if I wanted it. I told him phone nahi chahiye, ek camera le do pehle, phone jab mera tootega tab dekhenge. What did he say? He told me phone se photography ho jaega. BC itna dard hua ye sun kar. Now I didn't get either. I asked him to get an ipad for college so I can use it for my notes, it's much easier to organise in it. We discussed a bit. A few days later I told him ki US me sasta milta hai, chacha se mangwa lenge, what did he say? KYA ZAROORAT HAI TUMHE? BHENCHOD ITNA GUSSA AYA NA

Aaj mere best friend ka birthday tha, mei dummy student hu lekin aaj mere coaching ki chutti thi toh soocha 11th mei pehle baar school chala jao. Meine phone par baat kari school ke management se aur mujhe aane ki permission mil gayi thi par jab school bus mere ghar ke samne khadi thi aur mere hi interzaar kar rahi thi mujhe mere papa inshara de kar bulate hai aur kehte hai, school ke principle ne aane se mana kardiya hai(bkl sali). Haar din jab mei meri coaching ki van ka intezaar karta hu toh mujhe bus jaate hua dikhti hai par jaa nahi sakta school aur dosto se mil nahi sakta.
10vi ka result aaya ahr mere main 5 me 93 bane aur best five mei 94.4 par koi khushi nahi hai kyoki ye marks kuch nahi kehte. mere awaare classmate jisne baas last mahine mei answers raate maar diye uske lag bhagh mere jitni hi aa rahe hai. Mujhe marks se problem nahi hai but meri problem hai ki meine jo marks laane ke liye saal bhar dil lagakar padha aur chizo ko samajne ki kohshis kari out of genuine curiosity and passion of learning, uska koi outcome nahi tha. Mere parivaar wale bohot khush hai lekin mujhe koi khushi nahi ho rahi. Also i know acche marks aaye hai par jitne expect kare the utne nahi aa rahe. ss mei 99 hai, english mei 90 science mei 89, aur maths mei 91, pata nahi kya galat likha tha. ek toh meri handwritings aids dene wali hai aur presentation raadi hai uska kuch aasar hoga, but it doesnt matter and shouldnt really think about it.

Aaj mere best friend ka birthday tha, mei dummy student hu lekin aaj mere coaching ki chutti thi toh soocha 11th mei pehle baar school chala jao. Meine phone par baat kari school ke management se aur mujhe aane ki permission mil gayi thi par jab school bus mere ghar ke samne khadi thi aur mere hi interzaar kar rahi thi mujhe mere papa inshara de kar bulate hai aur kehte hai, school ke principle ne aane se mana kardiya hai(bkl sali). Haar din jab mei meri coaching ki van ka intezaar karta hu toh mujhe bus jaate hua dikhti hai par jaa nahi sakta school aur dosto se mil nahi sakta.
10vi ka result aaya ahr mere main 5 me 93 bane aur best five mei 94.4 par koi khushi nahi hai kyoki ye marks kuch nahi kehte. mere awaare classmate jisne baas last mahine mei answers raate maar diye uske lag bhagh mere jitni hi aa rahe hai. Mujhe marks se problem nahi hai but meri problem hai ki meine jo marks laane ke liye saal bhar dil lagakar padha aur chizo ko samajne ki kohshis kari out of genuine curiosity and passion of learning, uska koi outcome nahi tha. Mere parivaar wale bohot khush hai lekin mujhe koi khushi nahi ho rahi. Also i know acche marks aaye hai par jitne expect kare the utne nahi aa rahe. ss mei 99 hai, english mei 90 science mei 89, aur maths mei 91, pata nahi kya galat likha tha. ek toh meri handwritings aids dene wali hai aur presentation raadi hai uska kuch aasar hoga, but it doesnt matter and shouldnt really think about it.

Ok so the story begins near february this year after i wasted the whole year without studying even a day it comes down to 20th february. From here i have my english board exam a day after tomorrow(22nd Feb 2024), english went very well as nobody studies in that subject still i wrote everything in that paper and i was expecting somewhat around 55-60/80(Actual scores at the end)
then after 22nd feb i was tired and rested the whole 22nd evening
i planned to study complete physical+inorganic in Chemistry and also planned to complete Biomolecules so i would have prepared 45 marks paper but in those 5 days until 27th i just hallucinated(only watched a oneshot of solutions and chem kinetics)(no question Practice or anything) usme bhi kuch yaad nahi tha
then came 27th(i was shitting my pants in fear of failing) I Planned to copy my paper from the person sitting next to me(he got a different sect shit... ) but still many questions were same so you know what i did😉, but in the end of the paper i only got 8 mcqs and 5-7 marks theory correct(i was scared of scoring less than 23 and failing)
the next 5 days i was so scared that i did not study much of physics(meri basic maths bhi clear nhi hai) might have watched oneshots of Semi Conductor,waves,nuclei but they were of no benifits
then came exam day(4th march 2024) when i recieved the paper i was like(yeh kya hai bc) the girl of a different school sitting 2 rows away from my seat fainted and i just copied all the questions given in the question paper and made up 12-13 pages without knowing anything at last i used my special tukka power(Closed my eyes and just guessed A,B,D,C,A,C,D just like that got 9 mcqs correct at the end got 9 mcqs+1 or maybe 2 marks of theory correct but attempted everything(i was scared of the paper lekin bahar nikalte hi i saw mere siwa baaki logo ki bhi phatt gayi thi)
then came Physical Education(was enjoying after physics to Physical Education 11 ki raat ko uthayi thi(12 ko paper tha) studied it from zaki saudagar one shots and expected 35-40 marks(only studied it for like 3-4 hours)
after p.ed there was a 6 day gap for Biology
while my Biology is okay still you know i only touched
Human Reproduction,Repro H,Evolution,Microbes,Human Health And Ecology(40-45 Marks worth syllabus)
isko bhi upar upar se padha tha went inside on 19th march 2024(peheli seat mili which destroyed any chances of you know what😉) still paper me mujhe sirf 6 mcqs aur 14-15 marks ki theory puri aati thi(the questions which i knew completely i attempted them beautifully) matlab 2 marker ke lie pure 2 page bhar die, i thought bio me 24-25 score karunga aur physics chemistry me fail hojaunga the prospect of failing and then facing my big joint family was scaring me a lot(kya hoga agar fail hogaya?)(how will i face my parents and family members)(how will i attend all the big weddings and parties of my family and stuff ) (in these 40-45 days from exams till results mai yahi sochta tha ki fail hojaunga) got my result yesterday AND
And i knew ki kal 13 may 2024 ko result aane waala hai i was on my computer since the morning scared
mere papa gaaon jaa rahe the but mai nhi gaya 11:11 par umang app ki tweet dekhi to phatt gayi informed my friend about it first and then breathing heavily i checked my marks and they were like
ENGLISH-69+20=89/100
CHEMISTRY-24+27=51/100
PHYSICS-23+29=52/100
P.ED-48+29=77/100
BIOLOHY-38+29=67/100
AND I PASSED 🎉 🎉 🎉I got 67.2% but that doesnt matter atleast i didnt fail..
at the end i took a sigh of relief and informed my parents about my results though they werent happy but they were like atleast hamara ladka fail nhi hua jaise iske halaat the
I would like to advice all my junios who would give 12th boards next year(10th me to aise hi pass hojauge) to start studying atleast 15 days before the first examination taaki meri tara phate naa baad me
and attempt every question even if you dont know anything in it pura quetion hi copy kardo given likh kar lekin kardo(cbse moderates your even if you are close to 15-16 they will not fail you and give you 23 and pass you) agar koi agle saal isi waqt meri waali situation me hai to pareshaan naa ho cbse doesnt fail you that easily see around 87.98% students passed their 12th boards this year(around 5.94% got compartment) so onlly around 6% students actually failed (yeh wahi hai to ekdam gadhe hote hai copy waghera chodh dete hai)
So chill out enjoy and study well

its gonna be a long trauma dump.
im 19f, appeared in 12th this year, this would be my first drop. vaise to iss sun pe lurker rehti thi, aaj laga maybe kuch bol hi du to atleast relief rahega kisko dhang se bataya to. vaise to life meri bekar nhi hai overall dekha jaye to. yaha pe logo ka padho bc achhi lagne lagti hai life, and phir agle din vahi rr.
i was five almost, jb mere nana ne pehli baar mujhe touch kiya tha. mummy papa ka office rehta tha and bhaiya ka school to akele chhodne ki jagah nana ko bula lete the vo log ki mera dhyaan rakhe. achha dhyan rakhe the (apna lolzzz). now that i think about the movements and the way he'd shake afterwards, pyare nanaji was most probably cumming in his dhoti holding his five year old granddaughter on his thigh. (i mean, ladke shayad better jaane, kabhi kisi se detail mein puchha nhi iss baare mein. after it had got some action and y'all are ejaculating, do you guys like, freeze for a bit a breathe hard? agar nhi to im sorry for the wrong allegations). anyways that happened for a while. uske baad ka mujhe kuch yaad nhi. tbh ye bhi nhi yaad tha, until 3-4 saal pehle jb i read a similar scene in a book and ye yaad aaya phir shock mein chali gayi. had two beautiful frnds jinko bataya iss baare mein and they tried to help me out as best as they could. andar se ye bhi lagta tha ki mummy ko kabhi pata bhi chala to nahi manengi, isiliye parents se thoda grudge rehta tha and ladti jhagadati rehti thi.
fast forward to present, mai apne best friend ke saath relationship mein aa gayi and slowly but surely, he made a great impact on my relationship with my family. like uski uske parents ke saath achhe relations hain and ladka bhi sahi hai (haa pyar krti hu usse, mar jaungi ek din) to convince kr liya mujhe ki mere parents bhi pasand krte hain mujhe. and tb se mere relations meri family ke saath significantly improve hue. i even started to trust them.
to kya hai na, mummy and nana ki jamti nhi hai (he's neither a good husband nor a good father), isiliye mummy unse baat nhi krti. ek din recently mummy unhi ke baare mein upset thi and maine mummy se bol diya ki "uss aadmi se to mujhe nafrat hai. royi hu bestfriend ko batate hue" and mummy was like mujhe batao but mana kar di ki abhi nhi.
agle din she came to me and said ki unhe raat mein neend nhi aa rahi thi ye sochte hue ki aisa unhone kya kar diya ki I don't trust her but trust my frnds? phir bohot bolne pe mai unhe puri baat bata di (utni detail mein nhi obviously) and she was very supportive. boli ki "maa baap important hote hain par bachcho se zyada nhi. mai to vaise bhi unhe ghar na bulati but ab to sawal hi nhi uthata. shakal nhi dekhungi unki". and mai apne room mein aake rone lagi ki maine apni maa ko galat samjha ki vo mujhpe yakeen nhi karengi.
then agle din, i think jb mai ghar pe nhi thi tb mummy bhaiya ko ye baat batayi and he told her abt how once i confessed to him i was a lesbian (bisexual boli thi but lauda hai), and pata nhi kaise, mummy ko convince kr doya ki im making this whole story up for sympathy and to seem cool.
mummy aayi and mujhse boli ki "tum jo batayi ho, vo sach mein hua hai ya jo tum ghatiya books padhti ho, uski vajah se dimag mein baitha li ho ki mere saath bhi kuch galat hua hai?" and phir asked me abt that lesbian wala and told me ki inhi sab vajah se my face has lost its innocence and mai kuch nahi kar paayi hu. kaise i didn't deserve the marks i got in boards and sabka entrance exam tha but sab ek event mein aa rahe the but tumne kuch padha nhi tha isiliye nhi aayi (true but jisko neet dena hota vo aise bhi na aata). and how she feels ashamed and unsafe to go out with me varna i would wander off with "bhaiya log". that other girls of my age look smart and innocent and good even of they're fat. and gori ladkiyo ka chehra nhi pink hai, but you have yellowish tone and you never look smart, tumhare andar vo cheez hi nhi. she ended her speech with, "tumhari vajah se maine apne baap ko galat samjha. agar tum jhoote ilzam laga rahi ho to uska anjam dikhega." and then very lightly said, as if she didn't believe it, "aur agar mere baap ne kuch kiya hoga to bhagwan batayenge."
since that day, i haven't been able to look at my family the same way. the love, trust and respect i had for them seems gone. uss din ke baad mummy achhe se baa ki but bhul nhi paa rahi unn words ko. isse pehle bhi aisa bohot kuch boli hain vo jo bura laga tha but ye Dil tod diya. i can't believe my first heartbreak is from my mother itself.
isse pehle bhi she'd questioned my character. mai maanti hu, mai chutiye bachchi thi. nhi samjhti thi kuch. school bus mein achhe bhaiya log mile the to sabko achha samajhti thi and apne age ke logo se ghul mil nhi paati thi. isiliye almost got tricked by a senior jo uss time 11th mein the (i was in 6th, koi dost nhi tha to attention ki bhukhi rehti thi). uske liye mummy branded me as "characterless". I WAS IN SIXTH, NHI PATA THA MUJHE KUCH. phir ek baar humlog kahi gaye the and mummy dusri seat pe chali gayi mujhko leke jbki meri dost pichhe ki seat pe thi. i tried going to her to uss time to mummy bas gusse se dekhi but ghar aake boli ki how im such a bad daughter, achhe ghaf ki ladkiya sirf apne mummy papa ke paas rehti hain but tumko to matakna rehta hai. tumhare jaisi ladkiyo ko characterless rehte hain, kisi ki nhi hoti hain. (this was in class 9th).
ho sakta hai mai apna side leke dekh rahi hu isiliye mai khud ko sahi samajh rahi. but galti kya ki maine ye to koi achhe se explain karo???
recent ye nana wala batane ke baad to bas yahi manati hu roz bhagwan se ki maar daale mujhe. sach nata rahi, jb dekhega na koi sirf meri mummy papa aur bhaiya ko saath mein, to itne perfect lagte hain. and mai manhoos ki yarah aa jaati hu beech mein. (mumma thinks ki mera chehra normal rehne pe mahoos lagta hai, i should be smiling har samay varna apni life barbaad ke dungi aisi shakal bana ke).
marne ka ya relapse krne ka (i used to self harm) roz mann krta hai, but apni best friend aur apne bf ke baare mein sochke ruk jaati hu. sach mein doni pagal pyaar krte hain mujhse. bestfriend ki life already laudi ho rakhi hai, aur nhi pareshan krna, bf ki life mein pehle hi bohot trauma the, ab badhane ka mann nhi. i promised him I'd helo him heal.
ab 15 aur 16 ko cuet hai but padha nhi hai kuch and pata nhi kaise niklega. nikalka bhi zaruri hai varna home life aur fucked up ho jaayegi plus ghar se niklungi to insabme dimag nhi lagega.
samajh nhi aa raha kaise padhu ab, aakhiri din bacha hai, sab kuch padha hai but revise krna hai. idk bhai, higheay sach mein sundar lagne laga hai (srsly)
edit: aaj matashree ko therapy de rahi thi. and pata chala she has shit communication skills and she meant to say ki hopefully ye sab mera vehem hai but boldi kuch aur. and batayi mumma bhaiya bhi bola ho sakta hai vehem ho but he cried when he first heard it. matashree se phir ladi khub ki baat nhi krne aata achhe se ro rahi hu kb se. tumlogo ke comments+ mummy se baat krke jo relief Mila hai na, thankyou yaar. literally verge of suicide se happy kr diye ho.

Maine kitne sapne sajaye the, IIT jaunga, PW ke channel pe aayega. Sab khatam ho gaya. Mai mock solve karne ja Raha tha, piche se bhaiya aaye aur unhone bataya ki result aagaya Mai khush tha ki chalo jaldi AA gaya. Fir Maine roll no dala ur marks dekhe. Yaar jaise mere pairo se Jamin khisak gayi ho. 72% bana. Kyu Maine 6th subject nehi liya? kyu? Mere 10th me 90+ aaye tha, 12th me kyu? Mera Computer, English aur Chemistry me 90+ AA Raha tha but result me bas around 80 hai teeno me, aisa kyu? apne class ke top baccho me rahta tha to aisa kyu? Mere Aaj Tak itne Kam number nehi aaye fir is baar kyu?
Filhaal mujhe is kyu ka antar pata nehi, pas ye pata hai ki Aaj mahino me pahli baar mere ghar pe rishtedaro ke phone aane Wale hai, unke baccho ke to Inter me 90% se jyada aaye the, wo to tana marenge hi. Kal me Chacha aur kuch rishtedaar Ghar aa rahe hai (kisi ki shadi hai). Wo to yahi puchenge kya huwa. Yahi bolenge are board hi nehi nikla, Jee kya nikalta. Un sab ko kya bolunga Mai. Unke saamne kaise jaunga? Kya bolunga? Aur Future ke baar me puchenge to kya kahunga? Future me kya karunga?
Jab Mai result lene jaunga, to mere class teacher hamesha ki tarah tana marenge, bolenge ki Jee ki tayari saal bhar ki kya fayeda, Board me hi nipat gaye. Yehi bolenge ki Mai bolta tha beta Board pe focus Karo lekin ye to IITian bante the! Bolenge ki Maine bola tha nehi niklega IIT! Juniors ko to paaka mere adventures ke baare me bataynge. Bataynge bade hero bante the, School aate hi nehi the, JEE ki tayari karte the, Advanced se pahle hi nipat gaye.
Mai sabse yahi sunta aaya hu ki Boards me marks matter nehi karte, koyi boards ke marks nehi puchega? Dekh liya Aaj Maine dekh liya. Mai chhor Raha hu ye sab. Aaj mujhe pata chala hai jab Dil tootta hai to kaisa lagta hai. Roya hu mai. Khatam ho gaya sab.

Maine kitne sapne sajaye the, IIT jaunga, PW ke channel pe aayega. Sab khatam ho gaya. Mai mock solve karne ja Raha tha, piche se bhaiya aaye aur unhone bataya ki result aagaya Mai khush tha ki chalo jaldi AA gaya. Fir Maine roll no dala ur marks dekhe. Yaar jaise mere pairo se Jamin khisak gayi ho. 72% bana. Kyu Maine 6th subject nehi liya? kyu? Mere 10th me 90+ aaye tha, 12th me kyu? Mera Computer, English aur Chemistry me 90+ AA Raha tha but result me bas around 80 hai teeno me, aisa kyu? apne class ke top baccho me rahta tha to aisa kyu? Mere Aaj Tak itne Kam number nehi aaye fir is baar kyu?
Filhaal mujhe is kyu ka antar pata nehi, pas ye pata hai ki Aaj mahino me pahli baar mere ghar pe rishtedaro ke phone aane Wale hai, unke baccho ke to Inter me 90% se jyada aaye the, wo to tana marenge hi. Kal me Chacha aur kuch rishtedaar Ghar aa rahe hai (kisi ki shadi hai). Wo to yahi puchenge kya huwa. Yahi bolenge are board hi nehi nikla, Jee kya nikalta. Un sab ko kya bolunga Mai. Unke saamne kaise jaunga? Kya bolunga? Aur Future ke baar me puchenge to kya kahunga? Future me kya karunga?
Jab Mai result lene jaunga, to mere class teacher hamesha ki tarah tana marenge, bolenge ki Jee ki tayari saal bhar ki kya fayeda, Board me hi nipat gaye. Yehi bolenge ki Mai bolta tha beta Board pe focus Karo lekin ye to IITian bante the! Bolenge ki Maine bola tha nehi niklega IIT! Juniors ko to paaka mere adventures ke baare me bataynge. Bataynge bade hero bante the, School aate hi nehi the, JEE ki tayari karte the, Advanced se pahle hi nipat gaye.
Mai sabse yahi sunta aaya hu ki Boards me marks matter nehi karte, koyi boards ke marks nehi puchega? Dekh liya Aaj Maine dekh liya. Mai chhor Raha hu ye sab. Aaj mujhe pata chala hai jab Dil tootta hai to kaisa lagta hai. Roya hu mai. Khatam ho gaya sab.

Maine kitne sapne sajaye the, IIT jaunga, PW ke channel pe aayega. Sab khatam ho gaya. Mai mock solve karne ja Raha tha, piche se bhaiya aaye aur unhone bataya ki result aagaya Mai khush tha ki chalo jaldi AA gaya. Fir Maine roll no dala ur marks dekhe. Yaar jaise mere pairo se Jamin khisak gayi ho. 72% bana. Kyu Maine 6th subject nehi liya? kyu? Mere 10th me 90+ aaye tha, 12th me kyu? Mera Computer, English aur Chemistry me 90+ AA Raha tha but result me bas around 80 hai teeno me, aisa kyu? apne class ke top baccho me rahta tha to aisa kyu? Mere Aaj Tak itne Kam number nehi aaye fir is baar kyu?
Filhaal mujhe is kyu ka antar pata nehi, pas ye pata hai ki Aaj mahino me pahli baar mere ghar pe rishtedaro ke phone aane Wale hai, unke baccho ke to Inter me 90% se jyada aaye the, wo to tana marenge hi. Kal me Chacha aur kuch rishtedaar Ghar aa rahe hai (kisi ki shadi hai). Wo to yahi puchenge kya huwa. Yahi bolenge are board hi nehi nikla, Jee kya nikalta. Un sab ko kya bolunga Mai. Unke saamne kaise jaunga? Kya bolunga? Aur Future ke baar me puchenge to kya kahunga? Future me kya karunga?
Jab Mai result lene jaunga, to mere class teacher hamesha ki tarah tana marenge, bolenge ki Jee ki tayari saal bhar ki kya fayeda, Board me hi nipat gaye. Yehi bolenge ki Mai bolta tha beta Board pe focus Karo lekin ye to IITian bante the! Bolenge ki Maine bola tha nehi niklega IIT! Juniors ko to paaka mere adventures ke baare me bataynge. Bataynge bade hero bante the, School aate hi nehi the, JEE ki tayari karte the, Advanced se pahle hi nipat gaye.
Mai sabse yahi sunta aaya hu ki Boards me marks matter nehi karte, koyi boards ke marks nehi puchega? Dekh liya Aaj Maine dekh liya. Mai chhor Raha hu ye sab. Aaj mujhe pata chala hai jab Dil tootta hai to kaisa lagta hai. Roya hu mai. Khatam ho gaya sab.

It's 13 may my result was announced at 11.50 am .. i was little nurvous bcause i thought i might have passed anyway.. I have seen many people passed exams who don't know anything.
First let me start my story since childhood
Mai bachpan se thoda sa padhayi mai nalayak tha school skip krne ke bahane bnata tha ()... Dheeere dheeere . 8th class tak avg student se achha ho gya tha padhne me aacha score kia 9th k kuchh mahino baad COVID aagya tha 9th v online exam deke nikal gyii..kuchh nhi padha saal bhar bass kuchh games khelta tha youtube chalata .. uss time thoda sa ethical hacking me thoda sa pair rakh dia... class 10th me April me mere dad ko COVID hua ..and he passed away (2021) it was the most painful moment but mai itna dumb/ch##ya tha, tab kya sahi h kya galat iska koi smz nhi tha , Papa k gurajrne ke 3 din baad hi mai gaming mai guss gya ye soch k ki youtube krunga aur paise se ghar sambhal pauga(first & worst decision of my life) .. uss time pubg m tha , papa k guzarne ke un 13 dino v mai 9 10 ghante game khelta tha rec krta achha video nhi nikalta delete kr deta tha...(Device 3gb + screen cracked) Itna time waste hua 59% score kia thodi bahut padke kyuki exam time me game khelta tha.. bolta tha sabko mai v scout ki trh lakho kamauga ..... 10th barbaad Hui 59%. Score kia ghar pariwar me case wase ka chakkar (family issue) toh ham 3no (mai , Meri bhen, mummy) ne hometown chhor dia 100 km door rhne lage fir meri... Kuchh din baad meri ek sabse badi bhn(didn't mention above) , unhone suicide kr lia zeher kha k (kisi ladke se pyar th) (June 2022) kuchh mahino baad meri 11th class start Hui aur mai nalayak tha kuchh aata tha nhi , aur sab teachers se argue krta tha .... Ki mujhe chemistry smz nhi aati , (ofc base clear nhi tha toh)... Unse yahi bolta rha mai apna dekh lunga aap musse mat kaho , aur sake samne bezzti marte the sir log , 11th me 25% attendance gyi jata hi nhi tha mummy ko mna kr deta tha Ghar baithke game khelta sabke taane sunta... Kuchh videos upload Kiye fir chhor dia upload karna( kuchh nhi hoga sochke). 11th me compartment (physics) . inn dinoo andrew tate , iman gadzi , kuchh podcast sunn leta tha... Ghar pe mummy ne support Kia kisi ko na bata k .. same 12th gyi Kam attendence , padhayi v nhi kia .. last month mai Thora bahut padhh let tha .... Exam time me 'pass ho hi jaunga' soch k Thora bahut game khel leta tha.....
Recently mai local mai digital marketing ka job krne lga tha Aaj 3rd day tha 10k/m pe AAJJ JAB RESULT AAYA toh dekha ki ESSENTIAL REPEAT (failed) abb kya kruu bahut ghabrahat ho rhi h ...
Private addmission ka process kya h bta dena , mai toh ek rassi(rope) khareedne jara 🥺

Namaskar Bhaiyo/Bheno Toh kal tha ISI ka exam jisko ISI nahi pata toh ISI ek college hai india mai jiska fullform Indian statistical institute hai toh basically maths research college and probably one of the best if not best to study mathematics
Toh mera center Delhi tha koi toh college tha mai time se phele waha pahuch gaya tha phir 10:30AM se exam start ho gaya aur mai batu toh jab question paper mila tha( 5 min phele but just like boards seal hoti hai) toh i was so fucking excited IDK why but haan bhut jada excited toh ye paper 2 hrs ka hota hai aur 30 questions( Marking scheme +4 for correct,0 for incorrect and +1 for left) toh maine paper kiya last year se thik thoda sa hard tha(asa mujhe lag raha hai) phir break tha 12:30PM-14:00PM tak us break mai bhar nahi jane dete exam center se toh merko 2 aur bande mile ek toh 12th mai tha aur ek dropper for JEE ek ne 20-23 questions kare aur ek ne around 25(pretty good number) aur maine 12-13 question uske baad UGB ka paper hua jisme maine 8 question ate hai 2hrs ka paper hota hai usme maine 4-5 around kare hai 2 pure aur baki ke partial(subjective paper tha ) unhone ne mujhse jada kare (yes mai hi ek dumb banda tha waha 🤡)
Ab baat karu toh result ki toh isme asa system hai ki you should clear the cutoff for the objective paper otherwise you're subjective will not be even checked toh I calculated the marks for Paper 1 and i am scoring 53-54 which is pretty bad kyo ki mai genreal hu aur genreal ki last time cutoff 66-67 gayi thi aur normally 70-75 ki range mai rahti hai toh IG mera kam toh phele paper mai hi khatam ho gaya meri galti bhi hai NGL B'coz 2-3 ques ase the paper 1 ase the jaise maine exact same type ke kar rakhe hai but waha bhul gaya 🤡 baki dekh te hai I don't thik selection hoga ISI mai is baar agar ho gaya toh thik hai nahi toh jo jee mains ya adv ki rank se college milega wahi lelunga aur partial drop mai ISI aur CMI prep karunga wapas se baki dekh te hai jo hoga acha hoga.
Bye Bye

Yaaar this is just a vent u dont need to read it mei sabse jhut bol bol ke thak gyi huu ab bus ab sab sach likhna hai akhri baar So meri journey chalu hoti hai 9th se mummy ek din aise hi puchti hai konsi stream legi and i had no idea about it matlab ye sab cheezo ke baare mei pata hi nahi tha never ever cared to know about aage ka, meine kahan pata nahi dekhenge bhai ne bola arts le lena and mummy ne gusse se bola arts nahi legi ki wo option hi nahi hai and i am a very rebellious kid thus fir mei bhi bolne lagi ki haa arts mei kya problem hai blah blah but then 10th end ho gya and mera confusion bohot jyada badh gya i could not choose between sci,comm,arts i just couldnt say ki ye ek cheez karni hai my thinking was ki abhi tk inme se kuch try nahi kiya toh choose kaise karu it was also related to guilt nahi chahiye future mei so bohot bohot socha aur fir mummy ne bola sci safe option agar accha nahi laga to "stream switch" wala bahana diya and i was okay with it kyunki i couldnt choose then waise mujhe maths bohot pasand tha school se hi so 2nd reason mummy ka ye tha, then started 11th mei bohot serious thi ki jo bhi karungi best banungi ussme so isiliye i had decided i will give my 100% if not enough 200%, starting mei achhe se religiously padha marks bhi theek thak the the problem that happened in start was mei chutiya coaching mei chali gyi the problem was with the crowd it was so dumb and not serious, mere marks theek thak the fir bhi meri class mei rank 5-6 thi imagine and ye sirf start mei nahi hua pure do saal yahi hota raha mei gande marks laati thi but fir bhi wo mere peers se better the toh mei delusion mei rahi ki i am also topper jab ki mei nahi thi, 11th saare lecs attend kiya did not even miss a single lec and carefully listened all of them then aaya 12th it kind of gave me reality check ki mei kahi stand nahi karti and i aggressively started solving diff types of books like literally dc pandey hc verma and sbt ke ques karti thi of the same chap but again the problem was saare nahi kar paati thi only some sums i used to do and never did it in time bound manner, still uk what i got selected in the toppers batch i wasnt even a topper T_T it was just relatively i was better than my classmates for eg; mujhe mains wale mock mei 139 aaye the toh baaki ko 120-100 range mei so ofc i was not good but i was just better than others, ab iss toppers batch mei aane ke baad aukat pata chali i was constantly scoring less marks generally i was the 2nd last or last in the list eventually i got removed from it baadme aaya october syllabus was over and i was all set ki revision karungi oct mei and then mocks from nov onwards meine toh test series bhi le liye the allen and fitjee ke, but my procrastination kicked it i stopped studying uske baad classes bhi band ho gye the so puri tareeke se padhai band hogyi thi i mean ek sec bhi padhna chhod diya tha meine mujhe fomo hone laga tha kyunki literally i had given up on living life for 2 years meine padhai ke alawa kuch nahi kiya na movie dekhi na logo se baat ki na khelne gyi na kuch celebrate kiya no functions nothing pura isolate kar diya tha and one day mere friend ne status pe rakha tha ki uska bday hai and i was baffled kyunki mujhe toh yaad tha ki abhi kuch dino/mahino pehele hua tha naa 1 saal kaise hogya and that moment changed me, mujhe kuch jyaaddaaaa hi fomo hone lag gya tha i thought ki mei kya baat karungi logo se ki jab badi ho jaaungi mujhe toh pata hi nahi hoga kya hua inn do saalo mei(tabhi mujhe ye realise ho raha tha ki ye baate itni imp nahi hai but my inner self could not accept it it was enough for her) so meine movies dekhna chalu kar diya literally koi bhi bakwas si movie jo bhi youtube pe available ho kyunki mere pass koi prime ya netflix nahi tha then it was dec mei pura dec fifr movies and yt shorts scroll karte rehe gyi then jan same routine drr hi nhi lag raha tha mujhe idk whyy, kuch ig 3 din bacche the mere 1st attempt ko i started to get scarred i started to revise everything day and night mains ke pehele puri raat soyi nahi revise kar rahi thi and then gave mains got 75%tile and the main thing is nobody knows all this stuff thats happening they think i gave my 100% but the truth is i gave up in the end i didnt try at all in the last, then came the bad news uk what i started to watch porn yaa i am fully wasted person, so backstory i was introduced to porn by my friend in school and i told her i will never watch it and dusre dost ne bola tha ki wo mujhe porn dikha ke rahega and i used to tell him it wil never happen but unfortunately it did happen and the problem with it was it entered in my life at wrong time i was already lonely and miserable and thats why i started watching porn starting mei it wasnt addiction but lately it has started to affect me badly meine mains ke baad naa hi boards ke liye padha naa hi second attempt ke liye and i have not revised since so many months just counted 6 months i have not studied a single thing, i have no college and i have no backup, parents ameer bhi nahi hai naa hi business hai humara i am fucked in life i blame myself for it fully i deserve all the loneliness and isolation i am a toxic person who should not live i cant do one thing properly i cant control myself i cant do anything i dont have any talents but i do have many things that interests me but i have no hope from life currently, was suicidal rn so thought i could vent out all and feel lighter and yes i am feeling lighter idk kya hoga mera but lets see what happens i have alot of dreams which are unrealistic thats why i need to live to complete those, now slowly i am getting back on track although i waste alot of time still of reddit and youtube but still i am now consiously trying to reduce it and study again i need to get a college this year i cant take a drop my mental health wont support that decision of mine sooo peace out byee idk maybe i wont come on reddit after this or probably i will(99.999% i will itna self control built nahi hua hai) There's a lot more to this but i cant type each and every thing but atleast while writing i recalled those things thankss ps: there might be errors but who cares i aint going to read it again neither should u read it

Parents ne aaram se bol diya 6th ko ki drop lelo.
5th ki raat ko 9:30 PM pe marks bataye to mammi ki baatein sunke bathroom mai rone chali gyi. Bahar aayi 10 baje sab sone chale gye bina kuch bhi bole.
Cut to 6th. Maine poocha jhel loge ek aur sal? Saha jayega mujhe ghar baithe dekhna?
Kyuki mujhe pata hai na. Mai jab bhi hasungi mammi ko lagega time waste kar rahi hu. Bahar jane ko bolungi to tale mai band kar dengi. Chillaungi to marne ki dhamki dengi. Papa ka jahan matter karta hai wahan muh nhi khulega. 2 mahine mai nafrat ho jayegi dono ko mujhse.
Sab kuch to de diya iss sapne ko. Pehla drop tha typhoid hogya April mai aake. 600 cross to huye par kya kre. Middle class. Upar se general. Ghar ka bada bacha.
Bhagwan kare meri mammi ko chutkara mil jaye mujhse one way or another. Mujhse ab jeete nhi ban rha yaar.

March me mummy Milne aai thi, kuch din ruki bhi thi ek raat ko aaise hi kisi choti se baat pe mujhe Rona aaya tabhi mummy ne dekh liya
Vo puchne lagi kya hua,ye sunkar Mai apne aansu roka nahi paya aur,aur jyada rone laga
Mai 1 ghanta Mummy ke pallu me sar chupa ke roya,mummy pooch Rahi thi ki kya hua Mai kuch nahi bola bas rota gaya aur rota gaya
Rone ke baad duniya fir se rangeen dikne lagi thi
आप अपना भी बताइए 🥹🥹

So maine jab pichli post ki thi to kaafi depressed tha but sabke comments padhke mujhe kaafi accha laga aisa laga ki abhi bhi koi hope hai.
Cut to NEET:- 415 bann rhe hai,I honestly didn't think itne bhi bana paunga but end mein jo kar sakta tha wo kiya. Ps:- I am dropper.
But neet ke baad sab change ho gya, aisa lag raha sabka attitude towards me change ho gya, dost alag tarike se baat kar rhe hai. Mummy ne hope loose kardi hai, papa keh rhe hai IAT de. Well it's all on me to blame. Kal raat mental breakdown ho gya ye sab sochke. Jisse bhi baat karo uske muh pe bass marks or drop ki baat rehti hai. Meri ek dost thi idk usko kya ho gya suddenly she got so rude to me after NEET lol. Baaki sab bhi alag tarike se baat kar rhe hai.
Bhot directionless feel ho rha hai, samjh nahi aa rha kyaa karu kaise hoga ek mahine mein IAT, drop ke liye bhot self doubt ho rha hai. And abhi tak kuch nahi padha hai or 15 ko cuet hai. Har raat ko akele rota ho ye sab sochke or dekh ke.
But yaar ab ek baat samjh aa gyi hai, it's only you who will stay with yourself baaki sab variable hai life mein. No one is true to you except you.

Bhai, picture this: main tha, soch raha tha ki coaching class join karun, aur phir Vedantu ke JEE courses ke baare mein suna. Toh, unka sales agent mujhse contact kiya, bol raha tha ki unka program bahut hi mast hai. Maine bola, "Thoda time do, yaar. 40k kaafi mehenga hai." Par woh banda toh din raat WhatsApp pe promo chalata raha.
Phir ek raat achanak call aaya, keh raha hai admission band ho raha hai aur agar aaj raat ko payment nahi kiya toh batch mein entry nahi milegi.(LIE) Maine bola, "Bhai, mujhe woh purana batch join nahi karna." Par usne bola, "Arre, kal hi toh naya batch start hoga."(LIE:read further for details) Vishwas karke humne raat ke 12 baje payment kiya.
Lekin agle din, woh naya batch toh kahin nazar hi nahi aaya! Purane recorded classes dekhne ka mann nahi tha. Us agent ko contact kiya, toh bola, "Ho gaya process, bhai. Naya batch Monday ko shuru hoga."
Par Monday aaya, aur kya? Naya batch toh wapas gaya tel lene! Main gussa ho gaya, socha kuch minor issue hoga. Par jab Monday ko bhi nahi hua, toh hadh ho gayi yaar!
Dm kiya, call kiya, kuch nahi hua! Fir customer care pe call kiya, ek aunty ne bola, "6th May ko hi naya batch start hoga." Ab ispe gussa toh aana banta hai na! Raat ko payment kiya, aur ab 7-8 din ka wait?
Seedha refund maanga, kyunki unfair hai bhai! Lekin woh customer care wali ladki toh ulta seedha argue kar rahi thi, "Beta, tumhara future kya hoga?" Bol diya, ki me mera future handle kardunga...[addition: she was damn rude..argued nd screamed at us nd said join nxt batch no other soln...nd she herself cut the line]
Fir ek banda mila, woh toh sahi tha. Humne usko screenshots bheje, lekin fir kuch nahi hua. Fir call kiya, bol raha hai, "Sab try kiya, lekin sales department approve karna padega."[a day later on callin he wanted sumn other department approval]
Fir ek random banda call kiya, "Beta, kya hua?" Baar-baar samjha phir bhi kuch nahi hua! Aur ab wapas customer care call kiya, woh lady phir se shuru ho gayi, future ke bare mein socho..ur sons lyf nd blablabla (idfk how she again came up..again was rude nd herself hung up)
FFS FIX THE THT CUSTOMER CARE LADY WHO WANTS TO FIX MY FUTURE...IK I WAS LATE..U MADE ME EVEN MORE LATE ND NOW IM DOOMED
Yaar, kitna chutiya katoge? Kam se kam, customer care toh accha hona chahiye!
Bas ab thak gaya hoon main. Koi suggestion hai toh batao yaar!
[PS: apologies but the above txt is ai generated based on my rant...cuz the rant i wrote was longer nd barely readable...HELP KARO MY MONEYY]

Btw jin jin ne last post dekha tha, unko bohot bada thank you, akela pan me pta nhi kya kya hojata hai🤣 Worry not, mental health kya hota hai ye toh pata nhi, lekin serious extreme steps lene ki himmat nhi hai, sirf thoda bohot karta hu kbhi kbhi(idhar bhi sirf cutoff clear kiya🤣🤣🤣🤣)
Meri harr roz subeh se leke raat tak non-stop gand fati rehti hai(nhi bhai diarrhea nhi hai🤣) kuch soch nhi paata hu, sirf college, future aur mocks dikhta hai(VIT>>>>>MIT and BITS isiliye MIT ka toh exam hi nhi likhne diya)🤣din ke teen baar hilata hu koi feeling nhi aati lekin temporary shaanti aajati hai, ab toh 3-4 din me ek baar nahata hu din bhar baith ke ya toh paper, ya questions ya overthinking me reh jata hu🤣 3-4 din se ho rha hai(overthinking)🤣koi shows/series/anime nhi dekh rha, sirf thoda reddit pe bakchodi(mai toot gaya toh kya hua, atleast dusre ko toh motivate kardu)
Actually maine jhoot bola, mai wo mathongo ke adv analysis baar baar dekh rha hu🤣🤣🤣abhi tak shayad 18-20 baar dekh chuka hunga(mains ke baad se)(2x par ab toh attention span jaye bhad me)🤣🤣🤣sir ka 'toh baithe kyu ho, jao padho' 'it's not too late' 'jinka mains ke result ke wajah se flow toot gaya tha, wapas track par aiye' sunn ke better lagta hai(dekho iss bkl ko dialogues tak ratt gye, itna effort ioc me laga deta na bc)
Kal ek mock diya tha🤣physics ke baad ab non-virgin reh gaya(ye wave optics kya hota hai /s)🤣physical chemistry abhi tak acchi nhi kari(karlunga, kya matlab 18 din bache hai🥰) baki sab abhi bhi preparation stage me rahega exam tak, kyuki topic ka perfection kuch nhi hota, questions humesha aur bhi tricky difficult kare jaa sakte hai

VERY LONG RANT ABOUT MY JOUNEY AND THE CURRENT PROBLEM I AM FACING.
For the context, I am from Delhi, with the best facilities and VERY invested parents. I am from 2022 batch so after my 10th, when my 11th class started i never enjoyed due to lockdown and a grandparent s death. This was the first time i was having emotional falling out.
I TRIED to start studying, joined allen teat series, but truth be told i sucked at maths and therefore physics (even vectors bro 🤣). So i didnt know kya padhun kahan se padhu plus uss time itna ncert ncert nahi tha. I studied biological classification for two damn weeks ( everything except ncert) , scored 180/720. Got discouraged and gave tf up.
The teacher in my online classes started kinda bullying me and i was never treated like that before so i was learning to deal with this. My 10th results came out and i scored 95%. People still said itne marks toh koi bhi le aaye itni facilities mein which is kinda true but still i was so adversely affected i couldnt even enjoy my time.
Then i changed schools late in year due to covid, joined the new school one week before the mid sem, didnt know shit and kept restarting my prep but alas. Poora saal online padha ke bhai offline exams le liye 🫠. And my % - 63.2. (27.5/70 in phy, 35/70 in chem YES IT WAS THAT BAD).
Now, twelfth rolled along and when i tell u i gave my best, i really did. Ab iss time maine neet ko sideline kardiya tha kyunki selection toh starting se padhne se hi hota h. But maine poora focus boards pe shift kardiya. I used to study so much daily. Phir pattern hi change ho gya- term 1 term 2 waali cheez. Anyway maine 0 se lekar sab kara, organic, physical chem, physics alakh sir ke old lectures kare , bhar bhar ke pyq practice se. My final boards were finishing on 15th june .
And then mere dimag mein aaya , "kyun nahi kota chalte hain". Kaash maine ye na socha hota. Main wahan gayi and even though i was a good student, i still like an idiot thought ki main bohot buddhu hoon achiever mein toh kitne smart log honge isliye maine leader mein le liya admission. My second big mistake.After two months of joining there i got my boards result (98.2 topped in a very reputed school in delhi and like an idiot didnt celebrate that also award function chhod diya cause ofc kota ki ek class miss karna matlab ek hafte peeche hona).
Phir kya i started, ek mahine tak toh wahan ek hi chapter chal rha tha. Mere parents ne bola ki khud se aage badho and i said "arrey yahan ke teachers ko sab pata h ". Third big mistake, because they didnt know shit. Kept guiding me wrong. Then wahan ki phy faculty sucked. And itne timid and idiotic bacche the ki unko samjh hi nahi aaya ki unse physics nahi ban rhi h imagine. I talked to the head teacher and tried to get the phy faculty changed but ab poora drama ka scene ho gya tha. Mere good friends mere se palat gaye the apparently. I was so alone and lonely there in my room , padho toh phy nahi ban rhi, chem bahar ka padha rhe hain bio ncert centric nahi hai. I was sad all the time. Nahi kari maine dhang ki padhai. Neet 23 -547 marks.
Aise hi 1st drop guzar gaya, sabki ummedein bhi doob gayi aur 5 lakh rupees bhi. Meri hopes toh bilkul hi rectangular hyperbola ho gayi thi. Papa mumma se bheek maang ke second drop liya. Do mahine baad out of nowhere ek serious injury ho gayi jiski wajah se bed rest lena pada 2 months and even after 7 months of injury i still cant walk properly today. Academically i gave my best. Online padha, acche se. Phy ki ek coaching join kari through zoom and bio chem khud se. Din raat bas yahi kara, padhna, sona, khana, pina and rona lol. I didnt even go to any social events etc. Do teen hi dost bache the jinse kabhi ho gsyi baat toh theek warna nahi hoti thi.
My relatives were still supportive and all but extended family mein ek bacche ke village mein rehte hue bhi 616 aagye the toh i felt ashamed on another level.
I kept preparing. Ncert based study , mcq practice and 50 mocks later here i am. Expecting 660±10 in neet 24.
Now the real problem is here. The thing is i panicked in exam. My preparation was for 700 but i panicked and messed up physics ( poore saal mar mar ke padhne ke baad bhi). Thats it.
I constantly keep hearing other people s score , other relative( who score 616 last year scoring 680+ this year), neetprep mein everyone scoring so good. I wanted to be the one there. But truth is ab du quota se college milne ke laale pad rhe h. My kota teacher called and sounded disappointed. My relatives are also disappointed. Ngl, i feel so heartbroken right now, and i just cant shrug off the feeling " i am not enough " "2 drops ke baad bhi itne hi bane". Bas yahi socha ja rha hai mujhse. I feel like crying all the time.
This was my journey, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this ? I genuinely want to practice gratitude but its just becoming impossible with my racing thoughts and allen predicting 10k rank at 660.
Your kind advices or inputs will be greatly valued. Thank you :)

So yesterday I gave my neet exam for the 3rd time, in first attempt I scored only 190 and then in 2nd 500 and this time I was sure that I’ll get a government or in worst case scenario semi govt seat but maybe destiny had some other plans , I started my paper with zoology that seemed quite easy I was solving and then Pbr322 wala que aaya and I was not able to recall those X n Y like which was Ori ,I didn’t read the options at first and I just started getting anxious even then I read the options nothing was getting into my mind that was weird , my heart beats got faster and faster , I tried to calm down my self drank water and just tried getting back skipped the que for a while then continued to solve zoology then started solving botany part then uss perigynous wale ne waat laga di dimag kharab fir uska epi hypo mark kar diya galat or uske baad botany chod kar fir Pbr322 wale que par gayi or ans mil Gaya then continued solving botany and fuck the bell ,man it was already an hour leave OMR I wasn’t even done with botany I got anxious again the did that all in hurry or omr wapas recheck kar ke bhar rahi thi because I had some gut feeling paper me Kuch gadbad ki h and tadddaa till I completed botany and filled omr for both it was 1hr 30min already (I usually take 45 min for it) then started with chem ,it was also super easy continued marking answers and when I saw the time it was 4:36 already which means I even had 1 hr for solving physics and my chemistry omr was not filled completely i thought let’s do physics first then at the end I’ll solve chem, BTW last year physics was only factor which stopped my selection only score 40 marks and I only studied physics for this year and was prepared enough or mocks me mujhe physics solve karne me 1hr 15-20mins lagte h ik I’m not good with speed ,,,,okay now coming back I began with physics and left like 5-6 questions of chemistry unfilled in OMR then again heart beat Badh gayi 4:36 dekh kar , I was sweating halat kharab (I already saw it ab nahi hone ka pura paper) then with all the anxiety started marking physics aadhe Bina matlab ke tukke Lahane lag gayi or logic gate ke itne easy que ki truth table bana kar check kar rahi thi ek ek option ki ,or ese aadhe me tukke lagaye or aadhe me faltu time barbaad kiya only 25 que attempt kiye fir physics ki omr Bhari 25 que ki and the time was over chem ke bache hue ques bhi reh gaye or ab bas mila kar 530 hi aa rahe h even though looking at paper level I could have easily scored 620+ , botany me itne negative ho gaye or phy me tukke ke chal kar me negative ho gaye.
Kal se bass Kuch dimag nahi kaam kar raha kal bhi bohat Royi this time parents also had big expectations but ab vo bhi sad h because they saw me working hard for the exam ,mera last attempt ke baad man nahi that paper dene ka par papa ne zabardasti drop karwaya ki pls ek baar karle mere kehne par I was so much traumatised after last year but still i prepared somehow (I know how I did this I used to cry in front of my mom like how I don’t like all my friends who scored less than me were having a better life but my mom kept me doing it) , I made sacrifices for the exam in all this negativity but now I’m completely shattered everyone had high hopes but fuck everyone I worked my ass of I wanted the result looking at the paper level yaar physics bhi kitne easy thi ghar aakar aage dekha sab ho rahe the now even my friends are judging me for it ki tera itne padhne ke baad paper me konsa drama h yaar ,or parents bol rahe koi baat nahi ro mat but I think ab Rona toh aayega hi yaar kal raat ko Netflix dekhne ki koshish ki vo bhi acha nahi laga , so rahi hu to paper ke flashbacks aa rahe h samjh nahi aa raha Parso tak I was expecting Clg to mil hi jayega or ab kya hi gya ,I’m not convinced with my performance, after exam exitment ye karungi waha jaungi sab khatam ho Gaya ,
I’m not asking for some guidance or anything I just wanted someone to know this all and I did
Most probably I’ll be taking a pvt Clg this year
Thankyou for reading