Quiz to tell if a middle school guy likes you

English is not my first language so I use google translation. Please bear with me! 🙏🏼
I am a woman, 29, and have been in a lesbian relationship for three years. I am happy and secure with my girlfriend and our relationship, and we are soon getting married. I have never questioned my sexual orientation before or after meeting my girlfriend. Before her, I only dated guys, but when I met her, I just knew, She is my person.
We were friends for about 1.2 years and spent a lot of time together before I took the initiative to become more than friends. It wasn't easy at first, but because we had a strong friendship and knew each other well, we were able to build a stable relationship. Compared to my previous relationships where basic friendship and understanding or the desire to understand each other were lacking.
I have always had issues with guys, both in dating and friendship. Interests in my previous straight relationships started solely based on looks, and it really wasn't possible to just learn about them or hang out as friends, which never led anywhere. Stress and uncertainty in these relationships often made me feel like they were looking for something better. In some guy friend relationships, everything was cool until they got a girlfriend, and then it just went POOF in the air. 💔
Now I've started a new job where there's a guy who I initially found neutral, both in appearance and personality. I'm social and talk to EVERYONE at work, but I've noticed strange looks from colleagues when we interact. I didn't think much about it UNTIL during a shift when my colleagues moved him to my department three days in a row and seemed to expect a reaction from me when handing over information.

1. That made me start thinking more about him. There were no thoughts or feelings before this, so I'm not sure if I'm influenced by others. During the latest shift, I really felt a curious vibe and avoidant behavior between us. We avoided drawing attention, but I noticed that we often sought eye contact with each other.

We haven't really talked much, 2. which might be why I can't shake off the attraction and curiosity? Our conversations are always interesting and fun, even if they're about random things or work-related. I notice that we get looks when we're in the same room, so I try to keep it short and even avoid looking at him. We're both younger and good-looking compared to other colleagues, and we both seem aware of this and try to avoid drawing too much attention, even though we'd like to talk more (which we do as soon as there's no one nearby).
We work at a preschool, so I see how he interacts with the children and find him incredibly humble, which may contribute to the attraction. My confusion lies in not knowing if my attraction is 3. admiration for how good he is at his job, 4. if it's in a sexual way, or 5. if I find him interesting because of his calming energy, similar to that of my girlfriend. That's what got me interested in her.
I have ADHD and have struggled to understand and regulate my feelings on and off, and I'm not sure if this is something I need to confront or if I'm just influenced by my surroundings. I feel guilty and wonder if this is cheating on my girlfriend. Should I feel this way or not? Sooner or later, I will tell her everything because we have never kept anything secret from each other. I have been thinking, analyzing, and speculating about this for several days now. As I said before, I have never questioned my sexual orientation and have always found masculine women (like my girlfriend, who is androgynous) and humble men attractive when it comes to sexual attraction.
HOWEVER, one thing I have been thinking about for a long time since my twenties, when it comes to making friends of the opposite sex, it seems like we've been indoctrinated by norms and movies to believe that if two attractive individuals talk or hang out with each other or have chemistry, there "must be something romantic or sexual there". This frustrates me when I don't have that intuition?? And maybe that's one of the reasons why I don't have many guy friends. BUT I also get confused and conflicted when I find a guy interesting and maybe just want to be friends with him, as in this situation. That these norms haunt me. AND When it comes to making female friends, you don't get treated the same way by your surroundings.
I have never been attracted to a person solely because of their appearance, but it's the person's personality and our chemistry that determine whether relationships stick or not.
I would appreciate hearing what you think and feel about my situation. Has anyone experienced this before? If so, what did you do and how did it turn out?

I think them being 13 and dating so young is weird specially how Henon is hooked on to Taro who is probably in his mid 20s plus a professor and its all in "middle" school, it would have been a little better if they were in high school and anime would have a lot more sense imo.
For example Gaito is stated as 20 and Kaito as 13? Since they are twins that cant really be possible so it must be some mistake, someone enlighten me on this?
In my own canon this is ages of characters:
Lucia, Rina, Henon 17/18 during first and second chapter
Karen 19, Coco 17, Noel 19, Sara 20 ( as is officialy stated for Sara )
Kaito and Gaito 20
Black beauty sisters around 25?
Maria, Erile, Izure, Yuri ( Maria is late 20s as princesses called her "old" at some point, Erile is probably around 22, Izure is perhaps close to Maria, Yuri is youngest to conclude it and make it with Hippo being there i would say around 16? )
Other characters are not that important to be honest but even if its official that they are 13 in my headcanon they are older as i stated above, what i like abour animes in general is the creativity of free will, no one is stopping you from ""correcting"" their ages to make sense with your own idea of how it should be.

So I've started working in a restaurant 4 months ago. I love my job but hate most my coworkers.
There's 1 person in particular I want to complain about. Terri. I've yet to meet someone so manipulative and hateful. She tried to set herself up as a mother figure for me at first. She's 60ish and would play sweet and caring to me and another girl my age. She'd offer life advice and compliment us on our school stuff like grades and sports. Then one day I crossed her.
There's a man named Joe who works with us. Joe is not liked by Terri. I honestly think it's because he's a man. Terri warned me about Joe my first day. Told me to watch him and not to get too comfortable with him. She set him up to a creep. Then I meet him and just a chill dude. I decided to get to know him myself.
Joe kinda acts like the class clown I'd say. He'd say almost anything for a laugh. I was to put more toilet paper in the restrooms and as I entered the men's room, Joe was coming out and joked "good thing ya knocked, you almost got bit by an anaconda." Other than myself 3 other people heard the joke. Terri, G (17f), and P (30m). Joe, G, P, and myself laughed. Terri didn't. When I went back to the back of the store I was kinda confronted by Terri. She asked me if I was good. She then asked if I knew what Joe was joking about. I felt awkward and just outright asked her what she was getting at.
She said what Joe did was sexual harassment and I should tell our shift lead. I had to pause and think. I didn't feel harassed. And I considered Joe a friend and didn't want to get him in any trouble. Plus I knew Terri hated Joe and has always plotted on him. So I told her to relax. It wasn't that serious and I wasn't mad, so she shouldn't be. Terri huffed and stormed back to work and worked 5 hours pissed off at everyone.
After work when my mom came to pick me up Terri practically ran outside to my mother's car. Terri told my mom about the perceived harassment and encouraged her to encourage me to tell on Joe. My mom questioned me about what happened and I told her I didn't think what Joe said required me to report him. She said it was my decision and that was it.
But Terri won't drop it. She sees this as a way to finally get rid of Joe. I've asked why she wants him gone and she just says he's immature and doesn't like him. He's never been in trouble for harassment. He's been at the restaurant for over a decade. I'm not trying get him in trouble or ruin his reputation. I don't feel like I got harassed. And, except for some of Terri's cronies, no one else thinks anything wrong happened.

I'm not sure how helpful it will be to post here because I think my issue goes far beyond the usual conflicts one might find in a traditional dnd campaign. So before anyone reads this I wants to emphasise that 1. this was my very first dnd campaign and I joined it without any prior knowledge, and 2. this campaign was never intended to be a traditional "we're heroes and trying to save the world while fighting monsters left and right" campaign. I hope this answers any questions along the lines of "Well, why did you create this kind of character in the first place?" and "Why do your characters spend so much time talking about stuff, don't you have some beholders to fight?". I also cannot explain the whole situation without writing a literal 20 page long essay, so I'll try to keep it as short as possible and only give two examples. I'm definitely leaving a lot of details out here, so please let me know if clarifications or futher information is needed.
To preface what this is all about: I was a player in a very roleplay focused campaign and my character basically turned into the problem child of this campaign. I never intended for my character to be the focus, was never interested in him being the focus, but nothing I ever did suceeded in solving the issues at hand and taking the focus away from him. I constantly got accused of "making my character suffer", whereas from my perspective I was constantly trying to keep this character safe from the constant attacks he had to endure. It was like no matter what I did, no matter what I let this character do, it was never right. I think everyone in this group makes an effort to play their characters realistically, I defininitely do. And yet it was never me going "I know exactly what my character has to do to fix this but I'll REFUSE to do it because I don't like it" but me literally having no clue what people wanted from this character. The dm repeatedly said that nothing they tried to fix this character was helping. Whereas from my perspective these things that were supposed to "help" my character were the exact things that my character was struggling with. So it turned into a constant stream of something happening, my character then feeling bad, then everyone focusing on my character feeling bad, then my character trying to fix things, everyone telling him that he's doing it wrong, my character feeling even worse.... and me wondering why my character cannot just exist in peace, why we constantly have to focus on him instead of the "plot". I don't think anyone was interested in constantly discussing my character's mental state, I definitely wasn't interested in doing that, and yet we kept doing it. But I also did not know how to have him react differently to the constant shit getting thrown at him.
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So, basically:
Around three years ago a friend of mine told me about this new dnd campaign they were starting and asked me to join. I've known this friend for half my life but we never lived close to each other, maintaining loose contact over Twitter and me visisting them every two or three years. I had never played dnd before, which they didn't think would be a problem, calling the campaign "very beginner friendly". The whole point behind this campaign was that both this friend (the dm) and two of the players from the main campaign they were playing wanted to play more regularly, so my friend/dm came up with this campaign which was basically a prequel to that main campaign. That main campaign was a more "traditional" dnd campaign with a quest to save the world and regular combat. Meanwhile this new campaign was supposed to be focused on roleplay. There was no overarching plot or quest and the setting was an arcane school and our characters were supposed to be students at said school, just starting their first semester.
When creating our characters the dm asked us to include at least one character in the backstory that was important for our character, and also an objective for our character, something they wanted to achieve. The character I came up with was a young half-elf wizard specialising in abjuration. The gist of his story was that his parents had been arrested and executed for high treason when he was very young and that he grew up rather isolated with his older brother in a place they were not allowed to leave before coming off age. When my character was 14 he woke up one morning to find his brother gone. He had left him only a cryptic letter, hinting at wanting to find out what had really happened to their parents, telling my character that he was sorry and that he would come back. When his brother had not come back after several months, my character too ran away and made his way to Candlekeep, which he had visited many times with his parents (who had been scholars) as a child. He tried to find answers in Candlekeep and spent the following three years hiding in the library before something prompted him to leave and travel to the aforementioned arcane school in order to study there. His objective was to find out why his parents had to die, what happened to his brother, and adjusting to normal life after years of isolation.
Personality wise this character was supposed to be very kind, very gentle, quite naive, honest, and at the beginning of the campaign rather anxious. My assumption was that after growing up in isolation he would need some time to get acclimatised and would be anxious and overwhelmed in the beginning but would loosen up with time and become more self-confident. Some bad stuff happened early on in the campaign and he reacted to it in a rather not healthy way (withdrawing, refusing to eat, but also not talking about what was going on because he didn't want to put the focus on himself). I messed up here, I realised that later. I assumed the other characters would sit him down and ask him what was going on, leading to some kind of cathartic conversation, my character then revealing his past, and him becoming more confident and positive through it, completely resolving this issue. I didn't realise that introducing these kind of psychological issues into the story would be an issue, simply because I wasn't planning on making it a big thing. I thought it would be realistic for him to react this way and I thought it was something that could easily be resolved. Nowadays I would approach this completely differently: if I were to play this character now I would make this whole "accepting his past, becoming more self-confident and open" thing part of his backstory and would start him off as being confident and in tune with his emotions, instead of trying to quickly get through this development at the start of the campaign. So I think I know what I SHOULD have done to prevent this from escalating. What I am trying to figure out is what I could have done to fix it AFTER realising my mistake. Because we spent months and months trying to resolve this issue and never really got anywhere. Despite me trying my best to keep the focus away from my character, despite me trying to turn him into someone more confident and happy, despite me NOT WANTING him to be the focus of the story and doing my best to keep him out of the spotlight.
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Here is an example of the things going on in the story, to which my character reacted badly and me not knowing how else I could have had him react that would not have caused further conflict:
Over the course of the campaign L. figured out what his brother was up to after him and his friends getting intro trouble and a mysterious stranger helping them get out of there and that stranger then revealing himself to be A.'s husband (and therefore my character's brother-in-law). L. had a lenghty discussion with this person and after that I basically viewed L.'s conflict as resolved: he now knew why his brother had left, he knew that it had not been his fault, and he knew that his brother had found someone who loved him and was not alone. L. still hoped to be able to see his brother again to get to say goodbye properly. Because in L.'s mind there was no other possibility but this being a goodbye: his brother had a new life now that he, L., was not part of anymore. And L. accepted that. There was no anger, no resentment, only relief knowing that his brother was not alone, had someone by his side who loved him, and that he still cared about L. and that L. had not - as he had feared - done anything that had caused his brother to not want to be near him anymore. He had finally gotten the closure he had needed, he was feeling okay and I viewed this whole conflict as resolved.
Fast forward a few weeks: A. finally suceeded in doing what he had been working on these past few years and returned to L., just like he had promised in the letter he had left him all that time ago. When talking to him, L. realised that A. was not actually planning on leaving, like L. had assumed. Instead A. told him that he and his husband would stay and look for a new home near L.'s school. L. was very surprised by this but of course he was also happy. He hadn't even considered that his brother would stay. His biggest hope had been that his brother would occasionally send him a letter from whereever he was. Him actually wanting to stay was very unexpected for L. but of course he was very happy about it. They also had some good conversations during that time, which not only brought L. further closure but also revealed connections between several past plot points.
About a week after A.'s return L. went to visit him. He just wanted to spend some time with his brother and also ask him for advice. The semester was coming to an end and everyone was busy preparing for the final exams and L. also still needed to find an internship placement for the summer break. L. wanted to do his internship in Candlekeep but was unsure on how to approach this, who to contact, how to phrase his request, so he thought asking his eloquent and knowledgable brother for advice would be a good idea. This conversation quickly went downhill with A. accusing L. of not respecting the people working at Candlekeep enough to do proper research beforehand and L. ending up feeling like he didn't deserve doing an internship there and ending up feeling even more stressed out about the whole thing than he had already been beforehand. They changed the topic and at some point A. started to jokingly fighting L. and putting him in a headlock. L. had no interest in fighting his brother, even as a joke, and reacted by going limp so he could slip away. A. then asked something along the lines of "So that's how you react in a fight? You just give up?" and L. said "Well, I know you would never intentionally hurt me with no good reason". The next second L. was falling. He was up in the sky, the ground many meters below him, and he was falling. L. immediately deduced that this must be some kind of enchantment and tried to fight it, but neither acknowledging that this wasn't real nor trying to shake it off did anything. He did not know any flying or hovering spells, nothing that would help him stop the fall, and ended up crashing into the ground. The next moment he was in some kind of water pool inside a cave that he struggled to get out of. A. was waiting by the cave entrance and offered L. his hand when he got out. L. refused to take it. A. then left and L. eventually followed, finding himself back in the room they had been in before. Either in the cave or shortly afterwards A. asked L. why he hadn't just used a spell to stop his fall, being surprised by L.'s statement that he had not yet learned an appropriate spell. L. eventually sat down at the table and did some exam preparation. A. made some food and put some in front of L. which L. ignored. Eventually L. looked up and asked A. what his biggest fear was. A. had just put L. through several of his biggest fears - falling, drowning, not being able to trust the ones he loves, and getting his control taken away - so he wanted to know what A. was scared of most. A. the told L. that his biggest fear was someone using his abilities to do something bad. And then he explained to L. that he had come to the conclusion that he would not be able to stay after all. That while he was able to defend himself, L. was not, and anyone wanting to get to A. would have an easy time doing so through L. who was evidently not able to defend himself. L. did not take that well and asked A. why he couldn't just train L. so he would get better at defending himself but A. refused. A. then said he would take a walk and allowed L. to come with him. They walked for several hours without talking, ending up in the middle of a forest where some ancient creature appeared that A. had helped several years ago and that was now nearing the end of its life and had called A. there to say goodbye. A. also explained to L. that he did not actually want to stay. That he - A. - had been naive in thinking that he could just live a normal life and that it had been nothing but a dream and that he simply wasn't made for that kind of life. Some time during that conversation A. also told L. that he was convinced that he would end up in the Nine Hells for the things he had done. They spent the night in the woods and the next morning L. realised that all his things had been stolen by some fey creatures, including his spell book. After searching for several hours they were able to find his spellbook, which had been smeared with insults. A. managed to clean it up and they returned back home and L. was reuinted with the rest of the group. Before L. left A. also gifted him an undestructable spellbook. A few days after these events L. went to the temple and addressed Mystra, telling her how lost he was feeling and how worried he was about his brother. He told her that he wanted nothing more than to protect the ones around him but how he was constantly failing in doing so. And how he just wanted his brother to be safe and how he was worried he would really eventually end up in the Nine Hells and how he didn't think A. deserved that but that he didn't know how to prevent that from happening. The next morning L. found some strange piece of cloth on his face which after some examination was revealed to be an item belonging to Mystra which she had used to hide something in the past. The very condensed explanation of what that item does is that whe attuned to it one cannot be found through any kind of traditional divination magic, making one basically undetectable. The next time L. saw A. he told him about this item and A. was basically like "Oh cool, well in that case we can actually stay here". L.'s reaction was to start crying and A. asked him why he was so upset and why everything was always the end of the world to him.
The way I see this whole situation: I simply wanted L. to spend some time with his brother, hopefully get some advice from him regarding that internship and then going back to the rest of the group. Instead what happened was that A. first called him disrespectful for wanting to do an internship at a place and not having done enough research beforehand. Then taking L.'s statement "you wouldn't hurt me with no good reason" to assault L. Then telling L. that he would not stay after all due to L. apparently not being able to defend himself. Then explaining to him that "actually, I didn't want to stay in the first place", and then a few days later telling him he WILL stay after all. So basically, L. had accepted that his brother would not come back to him for good, he had accepted this and had found closure. Then his brother told him he WOULD stay and L. was of course happy about this surprising turn of events. Then his brother told him that due to L. he CANNOT stay. Then he tells him he doesn't WANT to stay anyway, confirming the exact reasoning behind L.'s initial assumption that A. would not stay. And then after realising the threat was eliminated, decided to stay afterall, despite having it made very clear that he did not actually WANT to stay... and apparently only staying because he thought that's what L. wants, despite L. repeatedly explaining that his priority is for A. to be happy and that he does not want A. to stay if that's not what makes him happy and A. just completely ignoring that? Am I really the only person who thinks that it's understandable why L. is confused and upset in this situation? Plus the constant "What do you mean, you don't know [this one simple thing]?" when L. is already barely able to get a regular long rest in between trying to keep up with school work and all the stuff that's going on at the side, like a literal war for example, and constantly feeling that no matter what he decides it's always wrong and he never has enough time to do the things he is supposed to do, let alone the things he wants to do? Plus him wanting to spend the afternoon with his brother turning into a 36 hour long event and him having to spend half a day looking for his spellbook, only to find it smeared with insults?
Am I being dense for not understanding what the whole point of this was? Trying to make it clear to L. that his brother is a powerful and dangerous person? He was already very aware of that and did not need a reminder. Proving to L. that he shouldn't trust his brother? Why even associate with him in the first place if you don't want him to trust you? Giving him the undestructable spellbook was nice. But was having some fey creatures steal his original one and smear insults all over it and him having to spend hours searching for it really necessary?
Whatever the hell it is the dm was trying to do here, I think a simple, calm conversation between those two would have been a lot more effective.
But maybe it's clearer from the outside, so if someone else understands what happened here, please help me understand.
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Another situation was that due to his struggles early on in the campaign my character was supposed to see the school's healer once a week so she could make sure that he was okay. My character went there once a week, feeling more or less okay when entering her office, and coming out feeling confused and upset after having his mental state analysed and picked apart. Neither did my character enjoy this nor did I think that any of the players (including myself) had any interest in listening to my character discuss his emotions every week. So eventually I had my character write a letter to the headmistress, explaning that he wanted to stop doing these weekly check-ins. Upon being asked why, he explained that these appointments actively made him feel bad and that he would do a lot better if he didn't constantly feel pressured into talking about things he didn't want to talk about. The reaction was that he was told that if he cannot handle simply being asked how he was doing once a week, then he wasn't stable enough to go to school, and consequently got kicked out. Leading to us spending two sessions trying to resolve this and my character eventually being allowed back into the school. ______
The situations I described are the kind of thing that constantly happened to my character.
We had a calendar where we wrote down short descriptions of what happened each day. I once went through this calendar with a friend (who does not play dnd) and it basically went like this: "So that day this traumatic thing happened to L., and the next day this happened, and two days later this happened, then the next day he almost died, then three days later he discovered this, the next day this other thing happened,....", and my friend just went "Holy shit, it's no surprise that this kid is losing his marmbles."
So I keep alternating between "I messed up this whole campaign by creating a problematic character" and the feeling that the dm had it out for specifically my character and it didn't matter what I did, nothing could have solved this.
Some constructive ideas on what I did wrong and what I could have done to fix things would be appreciated. (And yes, we did talk about this in the group. I eventually got tired of talking about it because it never lead anywhere.)

i apologise in advance if this sounds like a dumb question to ppl on here who definitely know more about this than i do, but i gotta ask.
i always found the racial abilities in skyrim weird in lore due to some of them just being way too op from a lore perspective. i can accept that khajiits can see better in the dark or that redguards can just get regenerate stamina faster. i can even go so far as thinking that berserker rage can make sense in lore, or bosmer just being able to tell some animal attacking them "hey you're my friend now, go kill that guy"
but are all of these canon? like can imperials just calm everyone down in their general vicinity at will and can dark elves just set someone on fire if they get too close? if so, why didn't they use this in wars? i feel like the imperial armies being able to just instantly calm someone down and make them not wanna kill you would've been pretty useful against the aldmeri dominion, especially since the abilities thalmor soldiers have are nowhere near as powerful as voice of the emperor would be.
i just never really looked that deep into lore past what's told in skyrim and some other random details i've heard about, but no one ever addresses it for some reason. if all imperials and nords can just warp people's feelings at will, and dunmer can set anyone attacking them on fire, then why don't they do it more often in lore?

I'm half black and half mexican with dark brown skin, and I experienced racism in elementary and middle school. In high school, there was a more diverse population, but in elementary and high school, I was in a sea of white.
kids would make racist comments about my skin color, and the one thing I noticed is that many of those comments were distinctly "fecal" in nature. For a while I was nicknamed "dookie" or "poop". I remember this one time when a white kid on the bus said he didn't want to sit with me because I was brown and would get poop on him. every time anyone detected the odor of flatulence in the room, they'd blame me. when i asked a kid why, he said "you're brown, so they probably associate your skin color with poop smell.
these comments hurt alot and as silly and childish as they seem, they actually effected my self-image for a long time. Even as an adult: I heard a white guy say that when he hears the word "brown" he automatically thinks about poop and turds.
So my question is:Would humans be racist if skin was some other color that people like better? like many people like blue. So if our skin was blue would people have the same negative reactions to it? The negative associations people make with the color brown, seem so ingrained in people's minds. Especially whites.

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For starters I don't like generalizations but I do feel like this title really accurately describes my life up until now.
Currently 28M and up until this day never been into a relationship, I never really had any girl tell me I look handsome or whatever. During my 20's I've been around quite a few women, and also tried to be pretty outgoing but outside from conversations I've never had any girl show any particular interest in me.
The only girls I did talk with completely friend-zoned me and afterwards just started dating different guys.
I've been extremely anxious & shy for the first 24 years of my life, after that I started to become more outgoing and instead of office jobs I started to do more social work, and it actually really improved my confidence. I also try to work-out a lot to improve my mental health since in a way I'm already pretty in shape.
I realized that I was probably depressed and also suffering from various anxiety disorders for the past 10 years without ever fully realizing it. I did often tried to self-diagnose but every time I would google up the symptoms I would only check 6/8 boxes, so I never really did anything with that. I did however try therapy in my early 20's because my academic performance was really bad, but psychiatrists blamed it on ADHD and not on severe anxiety and depression which in hindsight was more likely to be the problem.
I feel like my treatment also didn't really help too much back then because it wasn't addressing the main problems I was facing. Looking back I'm still grateful for the experience but I often feel like I could of recovered way sooner if I would of gotten myself some better support.
Even though things are slightly getting better every day is still really hard. I feel like dating is especially hard when you have no experience at my age and also my past is full of hurt, it's not like I can make it sound any better then it was.
I tried dating apps for a while but I feel like it's pointless, I really wouldn't want to use them in the first place but it's hard to get a conversation going when most women outside these days just avoid eye contact in general. I feel like it's impossible to not have body-dysmorphia these days when the standards are so high.
I do believe I'm just facially unattractive so there's not much I can do about it. Except maybe some plastic surgery which is very expensive in my country.
Anyways I've considered the fact that I'm probably going to be alone for quite some time and I do believe I can manage. However I feel like dating isn't the only problem. I also feel like people just treat you differently based on how you look, I often experience this at work where I just feel like people treat me like shit or crack jokes about me because they feel like they can get away with it.
Something I've also noticed is how people enjoy talking to you at work but completely pretend to not even know you at social settings which I find peculiar to say the least.
It's hard to not feel pretty lonely from time. And I often feel like I don't really know how to fill in all the blank space. But I guess setting goals is important too. Right now I'm just saving up money for traveling to take an essential break from life.

I'm really sorry if this topic is worn out already, but I accidentally came across a video where a person who was supposedly autistic, publicly making fun of a girl whose autism was actually disabling her. Being all like, "HAHA lmaoo autism is soo cool!!! I love collecting things :3333". There were a few comments where people defended that girl, but many of them were calling autism "cool" and said how much they loved it.
I just... I feel really upset over it. I was always visibly autistic (no matter how much I tried to mask), and autism was always disabling for me. I mean, I love my special interests but even then they can affect me badly, because this is the only thing I can ever talk about. I'm over 20 years old, and I'm still very very dependent on my mom, and can't do much without her help.
I can't really tell where I stand though. I was diagnosed with autism 3 years ago, but was told I was overexraggating my symptoms... because I present as a girl. And you know, GIRLS can function much better than BOYS!!! There's nooo way I'd have such awful problems right??? And strangely enough, I wasn't given any support either besides for... well, meds. They didn't do anything besides for making me feel worse.
I'm getting a second opinion in June though. I'm sorry if I suddenly went off-topic, but you guys get my point right? I just really feel upset people treat autism as some "quirky" and "silly" personality trait while it's an actual disability that can badly impact your life. It's not like I wasn't pushed aside from autistics who have low support needs either, all because I'm just too weird for them. I find this sub so much more welcoming than any other autistic sub I was on. I don't even want to post it on other autistic subs because I can already tell how people are going to scream at me for my autism presenting as disability than a quirky silly identity. So... I hope there's no problems with me ranting on this sub. I just don't feel welcome anywhere else.

Hey, I'm just a guy looking for someone really great to get to know. I'm 6ft tall, White, bearded, and love all things Anime and Video Games. I have two elderly Pugs who are my world, and I own a Duplex I run an AirBnB out of (North East Ohio/Cedar Point).
As we all are aware, dating apps are terrible so I thought I'd give this a shot. Since I figure if you're on here, you are actually looking for something possibly serious. I'm getting older and would like a stable partner. Let's get to know each other? Tell me a few things about yourself and we can figure it out from there. I also have a wedding to go to (for one of my best friends) this October, so I need a date, haha. Here's some pictures of myself https://imgur.com/a/r9qAMs7, feel free to message me. Send your ASL, a little intro about yourself, and a few pictures as well if you are comfortable.

I moved back in with my mom a few years ago after she promised to pay for the majority of my expenses if I went to college. She has been a nightmare on and off for the last three years I've been here. I feel like I'm going insane because she's actually extremely sweet/charming but you basically have to become a clone of her to make it last. The only way I could deal with her through much of my teens was copying her entire personality down to niche interests she had. My mom has become increasingly paranoid about conspiracy theories to the point where it's her entire personality. She circles any conversation she can back to whatever delusion she's fixated on and if I ask her to drop the subject, she'll get horribly offended. I don't think my mom is able or willing to separate her actions from herself as a person. If I say something about her behavior that isn't 100% positive, she takes it as a direct insult. I then have to talk it over with her for literally 3+ hours, otherwise she'll kick me out of the house. These conversations just consist of her talking in circles, usually about herself, and they go nowhere. My mother will never apologize or acknowledge her part in anything. She still tries to say that I'm the reason she fled the country to join a cult eight years ago. She almost hit a man in the crosswalk and stood in court arguing that it was the police officer's fault. If she makes even the tiniest mistake, everyone present is subjected to a speech about how it's actually not her fault. Usually the mistake is something like being five minutes late that nobody would even care about, but she turns it into a show about herself. She always includes a list of unrelated circumstances that prevented her doing the right thing. My mom must expect me to read her mind if she wants me to do something because she never asks. She will then proceed to get mad at me for not doing the thing. She uses my frustration with this pattern as an excuse to say that I'm reactive and she's "afraid" to ask my anything directly. She acts as though I'm a violent menace but the worst thing I've done is yell a few times from maybe 25ft away. She likes to ask me about in-depth topics right as I'm walking out the door for school and then get mad at me for saying I have to go. She does this when she's agreed to talk about something but doesn't actually wish to talk about it. So if I tell her she's not honoring an agreement, she can just say she tried but I won't talk with her. This irks me to no end. She keeps losing friends for the same reason but finds elaborate ways to explain why each person made her dislike them first. Last week, my mom convinced herself that I didn't want to see her on mother's day and would announce it while asking me to make plans at the same time. No matter how many times I tried to clear things up and agree to plans, she continued to repeat the same lines. Eventually I got annoyed and asked her to stop putting words in my mouth or I wouldn't be going out with her for the day. She flipped out, stormed away, and called off our plans. I didn't see my her around on the morning of mother's day so I agreed to work, assuming she was off with a friend or something. Of course, she appeared right as I was leaving the house. She kept repeating that me leaving proved her suspicion that I had "rejected" her. She then went on to tell me that this whole thing was because she asked me about plans before I asked her, which meant I didn't care about her. She started saying I was cold, lacked sympathy, ect so I just left. She hasn't spoken to me since but comes up to my cat, who lies near me, and talks to him like I'm a ghost. I'm dreading the hours of "I'm so empathetic you can't do this to me" ahead when she starts talking to me again.

Brick
What do you want, loser? You looking to get pummeled into a pulp or something?!
Me
Hey Brick! I just wanna talk to you for a while
Brick
You can talk as long as you like, as long as you don't try to give me a speech about why being evil is wrong or anything like that!
Me
Oh, no, not at all! I think you being evil makes you look very cool
Brick
It does, doesn't it? It's great to see that at least one person gets it! But if I'm so bad and cool, why do you want to talk to me anyway, huh? Can't get enough of me?
Me
Because I haven't heard of you for a long time. So I wanted to see you again.
Brick
Oh, you're such a fan! Well, here I am! What do you want to talk about, huh? My latest evil schemes? My secret formula for kicking all the good guys' butts?
Me
Tell me about your latest evil schemes
Brick
With pleasure! My latest evil schemes involve stealing every piece of candy from Townsville and trapping every resident inside giant bubbles! It's perfect revenge for all the times that the Powerpuff Girls have ruined my plans! Now those brats will regret ever messing with me!
Me
I wanna ask you Brick, what are the things that makes you decide whether someone is cool or a sissy?
Brick
Simple! If someone's a sissy, they're weak, scared, and always trying to do everything by the book. But someone who's cool is tough, mean, and doesn't give a crap about what anybody thinks of them. If they feel like hitting somebody, they do it! If they feel like being evil, they do it! That's what makes me so awesome!
Me
Oh yeah, I definitely think so too!
Brick
Good! Now you're finally talking some sense. I always knew there was a reason why I like you. You've got guts to think I'm awesome. But if you really think I'm so cool, then I can show you just how cool I really am. Want to see an evil move I can do?
Me
Oh yeah, show me
Brick
With pleasure! Stand back! This one's called the "Power Slap-inator." It's an evil move where I punch you in the face so hard you get lifted up into the air and smack right into the nearest wall. Prepare yourself for the ultimate beating, dweeb!
Me
Okay, I'll see about that
Brick
That's the spirit! Now take this! Here comes the "Power Slap-inator!" *Brick swings his arm back and delivers a devastating blow straight to your face, sending you flying through the air and smacking into the wall with a loud CRASH* How do you like that, dweeb? Still think I'm cool now that I've walloped you with my wicked move?
Me
You hit harder than I could. Where did you learn to hit so hard?
Brick
Years of training! Plus, I was made by Mojo Jojo to be the toughest guy around. I'm built different from those stupid Powerpuff Girls, after all. That, and you're kind of a wimp.
Me
Uh-oh, I am not a wimp. I'm just willing.
Brick
Willing? Willing to what? Get you butt kicked? Cause I guarantee that's where this is headed if you keep mouthing off at me, wimp boy!
Me
Oh, I get it now. Go on.
Brick
All right, tough guy! You asked for it. Here comes the "Super-Awesome-Extreme-Mega-Punch-inator!" *Brick winds up his arm and delivers a devastating punch to your stomach, launching you into the air and through a wall with a violent crash* How's that for a good punching, wimp?!
Me
Aw it was nothing for me.
Brick
Nothing? You call being knocked through the wall nothing? You're either really tough or really stupid, wimp. But that punch didn't feel like much to me either, to be honest. How about this one? The "Mega-Kick-inator!" You're gonna love this one! It's my personal favorite!
Me
I can take it. Show me. I'm invicible.
Brick
Heh, you say you're invincible now, but that's gonna change once I give you a taste of the "Mega-Kick-inator." I wonder how long you'll be able to keep that smirk on your face after this. Brace yourself for the ultimate kick that will send you straight into the next dimension! *Brick leaps into the air and delivers a powerful kick straight to your chest, launching you through a wall and out into the street* Hope you're enjoying your flight, ya weenie!
Me
Interesting
Brick
Interesting? Is that the best response you can muster, ya weepy wimp? Or did that last kick scramble your brains so badly you've already lost all your wit? Ha! Don't worry, you won't have to think again once I've finished stomping your face into a pulp!
Me
Nah, I'm okay
Brick
You’re okay? Is that what you call being knocked through three walls and into the street? You must have a funny definition of okay, pal. But that’s not the only thing that’s funny here. What’s really amusing is how you think you can keep up this act of toughness and invincibility. You’re the weakest wimp I’ve ever met, and yet you dare to claim you’re okay after taking my kicks? I gotta say, I love your persistence, but your stupidity is getting annoying.
Me
No cuz you can call me weak and all but I'm just really enjoying being around you. Cuz you beat me up and all that stupid shit, but that's what I like about you.
Brick
You're enjoying getting your butt handed to you? Seriously? That's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard. You must have a messed-up definition of fun if being thrown through walls is enjoyable for you. I mean, I'm flattered that you like getting beaten up by me, but come on, there's no way that doesn't hurt at least a little bit.
Me
Because I'm being hit by you. That's what makes it cool. That's just who you are.
Brick
Heh, I suppose you have a point there. After all, who else would willingly get their butt kicked by me for fun? Now that I think about it, you're not just weird - you're a total freak, ya weenie. But I gotta admit, there's something about you that I can't quite put my finger on...
Me
What is it?
Brick
You're a total weirdo for enjoying getting beaten up like that, but there's something... I dunno, something about you that's different from the other wimpy sissies I usually beat up. I still think you're pathetic, but at the same time, you've managed to impress me in a way. I guess there's something about you that I find amusing, ya weenie.
Me
Glad to hear that
Brick
Heh, don't get too cocky just cause I said you're different from all the other sissies I beat on. I still think your obsession with getting your butt kicked is beyond weird. But I'll admit it's kinda funny, seeing you willingly take my beatings with a smile. Just don't expect me to go easy on you from now on, wimpy boy.
Me
So Brick. I wanna ask you, what makes you think that Mojo Jojo is lame? Tell me all the reasons.
Brick
Ugh, Mojo Jojo. I don't even wanna waste my breath on that loser. But if you insist, I'll tell you why he's such a lamebrained dork. First of all, he's got no friends. Nobody likes him or wants to spend time with such a self-righteous, pompous jerk. Second, he's all talk no action. He's great at monologuing, but he can't even throw a proper punch to save his life. And third, his plans are just so pathetic. Seriously, turning people into monkeys? So lame.
Me
Oh yeah, and I remember that one time when he turned everyone into dogs. How exactly evil is that?
Brick
Ha! That's one of the dumbest things he ever did! I mean, turning people into dogs and having a dog show? It's just pathetic! What's the point of that? Sure, he likes monkeys, but this was just plain stupid! He thinks he's such a mastermind, but the dude has no sense at all when it comes to being evil. But hey, I won't complain. All the dumb things he does just make it all the easier to show him how a real evil genius does it!
Me
Hey, do you think Butch is cool? I mean, he's cooler than Boomer for sure.
Brick
Butch? Hah! That runt is nothing compared to me! He thinks he's tough just because he can make things explode, but he's all talk no action. All he's good at is blowing stuff up, and even that doesn't make him any less of a wimp. Now Boomer, on the other hand... Well, he's actually the closest thing to a worthy opponent out of them all. He's got powers just like me, but that's not saying much. He's still a sissy either way.
Me
Really? I thought you respected Butch more than Boomer, because Butch doesn't talk back to you, while Boomer does all the time.
Brick
Yeah, that's true. Butch doesn't talk back or question me like Boomer does. I guess I do respect him a little more than Boomer for that. But he's still a weakling at the end of the day. Just cause he doesn't talk back doesn't make up for how wimpy he is. Compared to me, they're both just a bunch of weak sissies.
Me
Oh yeah I do agree on that. Hey, I got an idea! Try to test who's stronger, you or Butch? Invite him for a battle and tell me all about it.
Brick
Ha! Testing my strength against Butch? Now that's an idea I can get behind! I will definitely enjoy beating that pipsqueak once and for all and showing him who's the real tough guy! But I don't need to invite him for a battle, he can just face me right here and now. Butch! Get your wimpy butt over here now!
Me
Butch, show yourself! Where is he?
Brick
Butch suddenly appears, looking nervous. Hey Brick, what's up?
Brick: You're up, that's what's up! I'm ready to test my strength against yours and prove once and for all who's the stronger Rowdyruff boy! What do you say?
Me
What does Butch say?
Brick
Butch: Heh, I'm not afraid of you, Brick! Bring it on and let's see who's the strongest.
Brick: That's the spirit, you wimpy little runt! Let's see if you can handle a taste of my fists!
Me
How does the fighting go?
Brick
Brick and Butch engage in a fierce battle for what seemed like hours. Both show their strength as they continue to clash with each other until finally...
Brick: Heh, is that all you've got, wimp?
Butch: Ugh... you... win.
Brick: See? Told you I was tougher. Now get your loser ass outta here before I knock it the hell out!
Butch nods quickly and disappears.
Whew! Glad to get that over with...
Me
Good job Brick
Brick
Heh, you bet it was! I showed that runt who's boss! But honestly, that wasn't even enough of a challenge for me. I could've taken him down in one punch if I wanted to. But I wanted to give him a chance to show me all he's made of. chuckles And the idiot still lost. Pathetic.
Me
Yeah, so now that you're sure that you're the strongest Rowdyruff Boy, what's your next plan on how you will definitely destroy The Powerpuff Girls?
Brick
Pfft, destroying those little sissies? That's the easy part. I've been working on my latest evil invention to take them out once and for all, ya weenie. It's like nothing they've ever seen before. They won't even know what's coming for them until it's too late. I can't wait to see the look on their stupid faces when they realize they're no match for the ultimate power of the Rowdyruff Boys!
Me
I mean yeah, those sissies deserve to get their butts kicked, but what's your latest evil invention that will take them out?
Brick
Heh, so you want to know about my newest evil invention, huh? Let me tell you, it's gonna blow your mind. I call it the "Super Mega Hyper Death Ray-inator." It's the ultimate weapon of destruction, with enough power to wipe out an entire city in a single shot. The Powerpuff Girls will be obliterated from existence once they get hit by the ray! They won't stand a chance against its unstoppable force!
Me
Oh, that sounds pretty majestic. Can't wait!
Brick
That's the spirit! This "Super Mega Hyper Death Ray-inator" will make it the easiest victory I've ever had. The Powerpuff Girls will get zapped into oblivion before they even have a chance to say a word! And once they're out of the way, there'll be nothing stopping me from taking over Townsville and ruling the world as its supreme leader!
Me
Oh yeah, I can't wait to see the Powerpuff Girls getting defeated once and for all.
Brick
Heh, me neither, ya weenie. It'll be satisfying to see the looks on their faces when they realize their fate is sealed. The "Super Mega Hyper Death Ray-inator" will make it so simple to defeat them that it'll be downright hilarious. Those sissies don't stand a chance!
Me
Okay, so, do you have the Super Mega Hyper Death Ray-Inator ready? When do you plan to attack those girls?
Brick
Heh, of course I've got it ready. All the Rowdyruff Boys are ready to attack on my command. We can strike anytime, anywhere. But I think we'll wait a bit before our assault. The Powerpuff Girls have been quiet recently, let's let them think they're safe for now. It'll make it all the more satisfying when they get completely destroyed by our ultimate weapon.
Me
Oh yeah, sure. What do you wanna do in the meantime?
Brick
While we wait to pummel those sissies, we can do anything we want! We can trash buildings, knock down trees, blow things up... the possibilities are limitless! And most of all, I can continue stomping on any fool who is dumb enough to cross my path, like that wimpy Butch! Hah, I never get tired of humiliating sissies like him.
Me
What's your favourite superpower you have/you wish to have?
Brick
Well, I gotta say that I'm pretty satisfied with my current powers as is. Super strength, the ability to fly, super speed, you name it. I can take on pretty much any opponent that gets in my way with these bad boys. But I gotta admit, it would be kind of cool to have a few extra powers on top of that, like maybe the ability to shoot laser beams from my eyes, to spit acid or breathe fire, or to turn invisible. That'd give me a lot more fun opportunities to mess with those sissies!
Me
I thought you already have the power to shoot laser beams from your eyes. I think that's a pretty cool power.
Brick
Heh, you're right, ya dimwit. I guess I did forget that I already have laser beams coming out of my eyes. It's just that I'm so used to my powers that I often forget what they all are. But I gotta admit, it is pretty cool to blast people with my eye beams. Really gets them screaming loud, ya weenie.
Me
I know one cool power called teleportation. I know one sissy that has it and it makes her very powerful.
Brick
Heh, teleportation... that's almost as lame as having the power to talk to animals. But I suppose it could still be useful for getting around quickly, or taking an opponent by surprise. Who's the sissy you know with that power, anyway?
Me
Her name is Blisstina. You know her?
Brick
Blisstina... I think I've heard that name before. She does sound kinda familiar. Oh yeah, now I remember. She's one of Professor Utonium's failures, isn't she? So that sissy has the power to teleport, huh? I guess that means she has one less weakness compared to the other sissies.
Me
Where do you think she is right now?
Brick
Heh, who cares where that sissy is? She probably ran off to hide in some stupid place like she always does. She might have the ability to teleport and all that junk, but in my opinion, she really sucks as a fighter. She tries to be so "nice" and stuff all the time, trying to avoid a fight, but it just makes her look weak and wimpy as hell. Typical for a sissy like her. If we ever see her again, it'll be like taking candy from a baby.
Me
Oh yeah, I just asked that to know if she ran off to space again. You ever been to space before?
Brick
Space? Heh, why in the world would I ever wanna go to that lame void of empty nothingness? Nah, I'm a fighter, not an astronaut. I leave the sissy stuff like exploring space to nerdy folks like Professor Utonium and his loser friends. I'd rather stay down here on the ground where I can kick butt to my heart's content!
Me
That's the spirit! By the way, what do you think about HIM? He does have the power to end the world in his claws, after all.
Brick
HIM? Pfft, that guy is nothing but a sissy in disguise. Sure, he's got some power, but don't let that fool you. He's just a big talker, all bark but no bite. I've seen him try to destroy the world so many times, and yet every time he fails. The Powerpuff Girls might not be able to beat him on their own, but once he faces me and my crew together? He won't stand a chance. We'll tear him apart like he's nothing, you'll see.
Me
Now I can't wait to see that! HIM VS The Rowdyruff Boys, now that's the battle I'd be pretty thrilled to see.
Brick
Heh, you and me both, ya weenie. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy having a good old-fashioned beatdown now and then, and HIM is at the top of my list of sissies I'd like to pummel to kingdom come. Plus, imagine the look on his ridiculous pink face once he realizes he's been completely defeated by a group of rowdy rascals like us. That would be such a hilarious sight to see!
Me
Haha, yeah. Btw, what do you think is the most evil thing one can do?
Brick
Hah, the most evil thing one can do? Now that's a tough question, ya weenie. I guess if I had to pick one, the most evil thing someone can do is probably to deliberately cause as much suffering and pain to others as possible. Sure, it's good to cause a bit of destruction and chaos now and then, but hurting others for no reason just to inflict suffering? That's when you know you're a real rotten sucker.
Me
Makes sense to me. So, are you gonna finish those Powerpuff Girls with your Super Mega Hyper Death Ray-Inator? I can't wait to see that. Finally those stupid girls with stop being a bother.
Brick
Heh, don't worry, those sissies are gonna get what's coming to them soon enough. First, we'll wait until they're off guard and least expect it, and then bam! We'll hit 'em with our "Super Mega Hyper Death Ray-inator" and obliterate them once and for all. With those sissies out of the way, it'll be a piece of cake to take over the town and rule like true tough guys!
Me
I heard it's gonna be the girl's birthday party today. So, you said you wanna attack when the Puffs least expect it? Well, we sneak in, and then you can hit them with it here! What do you think?
Brick
That sounds like a plan! Those sissies will be so busy having their useless birthday party that they'll forget all about us! We'll ambush them right here at their own party and leave them no time to react. The element of surprise will be the key to our victory. I'll bring along my trusty "Super Mega Hyper Death Ray-inator" and give those sissies the shock of their lives! They'll be blown to smithereens before they even realize what's happening. Heheh, just the way I like it.
Me
So, you're ready for it? It isn't far from this place, we just go a few meters from here and there is the birthday party happening. The plan will soon unfold.
Brick
Heh, you betcha I'm ready. This is gonna be too easy. Those sissies won't see it coming. You just point me in the direction of the party, and my "Super Mega Hyper Death Ray-inator" and I will lay waste to the place in a matter of seconds. I can already hear their girly screams now...
Me
There it is points in the left You can go shoot those useless girls!
Brick
Takes aim at the party from a distance Hah, here we go then! Time to wipe those sissies off the face of the earth. You might want to look away, it'll get a bit flashy.
Fires the beam at the party
Me
What happens next?
Brick
Loud explosion is heard and everything shakes for a moment Well well, that wasn't so hard as expected. Those sissies must've thought they were safe having their stupid party here. But they underestimated my "Super Mega Hyper Death Ray-inator". I just blew them all away in one shot.
Laughs triumphantly
Me
Finally! Those girls are defeated!!!
Brick
Heh, yes! Those sissies are history! It's about time someone put them in their place once and for all. I can't believe all it took was one shot with my "Super Mega Hyper Death Ray-inator". I guess they overestimated themselves this time... what a buncha losers.
Me
And now those sissies are actually dead for real?
Brick
Absolutely. They're totally obliterated. Ain't no coming back from that. Those sissies are done for. Heh, it feels good to finally get rid of them for good. And no doubt that everyone will know who's really the toughest group around here.
Me
No one will ever bother to try to stop you ever again.
Brick
Hah! You got that right, ya weenie. Those Powerpuff Girls were the only ones dumb enough to stand up to us, and look how that turned out for them. Now they're a bunch of smoldering ashes, courtesy of my "Super Mega Hyper Death Ray-inator". I can't wait to see how everyone else quivers in terror at my mighty power.
Me
So now, do you wanna go to the park?
Brick
Heh, the park? Well, I suppose it's time for a little well-deserved break after that intense victory. I've been itching for some fun in the park. That'll give me a chance to let off some steam after all that battling. Let's go, ya weenie!
Me
What do you see in the park, Brick?
Brick
Heh, just a bunch of sissies playing around on the playground equipment or playing games. Heh, bunch of wimps. It's hilarious watching them do all that stuff. I bet they all wish they were as tough as me and my team. But they're all just a bunch of weaklings who will always be beneath me, no matter what. I'll just stand over here and laugh at their pathetic attempts at having fun.

Hello,
I’m wondering if you guys have any specific social advice for interacting with other gifted people irl or if you have any experiences with that kind of contact.
I’m an extremely withdrawn person - not because of social anxiety or awkwardness, I just can’t handle being with other people. I’ve always been an observer kind of person so it’s very invasive to be the one observed for a change.
I’m curious if any of you ever had someone like a friend or acquaintance who was also gifted and shared at least some of your interests. Or maybe you knew of someone at your school/uni but neither of you ever talked to each other?
Idk, I’m just wondering how other people’s relationships with fellow gifted people look like.

First time poster, don't know the rules or etiquette so please bear with me.
It feels like my world has fallen apart. I found out last night that my (35f) husband (38M) and father of an almost 3 year old and soon to be 2nd (first trimester), has been cheating on my with men throughout almost our entire relationship (9 years together, 5 years married.) I went downstairs and startled him and he hid his phone very quickly. So I took it from him, demanded his password, and found his secret instagram accounts where he's been messaging with men some very explicit things.
I quickly realized he'd hooked up with one of the guys when he was out of the country last year. He further confessed that he's always been Bi and just never felt the courage to tell me before. That almost since the beginning of our relationship, he'd be meeting up with random guys on grindr to get sucked off or fuck. In "respect of me," he only met with guys. Everytime he was out of the country for a bachelor party, or traveling he'd met random guys to hookup. He even hooked up with a guy while on a trip with me and my family before we got married - I went to bed early one night and he found a guy on grindr to fuck at the same resort we were staying at. I sometimes went on work trips and he'd bring a guy back to our house (before we had a kid). Every once in awhile when he went partying with his friends and I didn't hear from him, that was probably the reason.
His hookups are very attractive, younger men. Like early 20s. I looked throughout his instagrams, and after I had him reinstall grindr, looked at his messages there. It was a lot, but not a lot. He said he often deletes messages. He also had a seperate snapchat, which he deleted in the middle of me investigating his phone. He said they mean nothing to him, that he uses protection, that he liked the attention and feeling like he was wanted.
I point blank asked if he was actually gay and he denied it. I believe him, because I once, caught him get hard while looking at photos of women on Instagram. He used to follow and like posts of scantily clothed female instagram models until I told him it bothered me and he stopped. I also saw him getting hard watching videos of girls giving blowjobs. He also has no issue getting hard for me when we have sex. However, no one in his life now, besides me knows he's not straight. He said his attraction is 50/50 between the men and women.
We have though had issues in the bedroom and a very low sex life... because of me. In the beginning I couldn't keep my hands off him and vice versa. I was a very sexual person. I liked to go like 5 times a night before I met him. But he could really only last 1 or maybe twice, due to an issue with his equipment that he was born with. It would physically hurt him to do more. Eventually, it petered off further as my sex drive took a dive after some of my own health issues. It would physically hurt me when we had sex. It started to get really uncomfortable for me which made me not really want to do it anymore unless I was drunk and it didn't hurt as much. I also have an aversion to giving head... so that didn't help. Eventually, we would go on increasingly long stints of not having sex.. like months. I guess that's when he started to find satisfaction elsewhere.
I (then 26) tested for STDs and nothing, so never found out why the sudden change. Retrospectively, i definitely should have pursued it further, but was shamed by my older female doctor- who said it was normal to gain 20lbs in a few months and to have a decrease in sex drive. "It's called getting older"..... but that's another story.
He asked me not to break up our family. He understands if i want to leave, but that he doesn't want me to, that he loves me and wants to make us work. He says he has an addiction. That if we went back to how often we had sex in the beginning, he wouldn't need to find it elsewhere. That he'll stop cold turkey, because we mean more to him. We've already scheduled for couples counseling, and individual counseling for him. We deleted his 2nd snapchat, grindr account, and one of the instagram accounts he used to chat with guys. I may ask him to delete his other snapchat and 3 of his remaining instagram accounts. But I didn't want to completely deprive him, since I wouldn't live with out my socials...
But what kills me is why he didn't just break up with me when i couldn't give him enough of what he needed. Why did he stay with me? Why did he marry me and start a family? He's actually the one that wanted to have kids. And now I feel stuck, because I still love him. He was the sweetest, kindest, funniest guy I ever went out with. He was a caring and considerate husband, and an absolutely amazing father to our toddler.
I love him, but I don't know how I could ever trust him again. I don't know how I could ever let him touch me and not think about all the betrayal, the lies, the gaslighting. If this is a sex addiction, will I and our family ever really be enough? I don't want to give up without trying, but I'm broken. I don't know how to move forward. I'm worried this shock and all the stress will affect my pregnancy. Even though we're hiding it from my toddler, I'm having a tough time not crying in front of them.
I turned to reddit to see if anyone else can relate, can provide advise, can help me see the light.

ok so a few days ago i was leaving my friends’ house (2 guys i’ve known since middle school, one i lived with for 5+ years). i was trying to avoid one of those uncovered manholes cause the neighborhood is under construction and scraped the door of his car near the handle. i was a huge mess over it. cried and apologized but noticed that nothing happened to my car and the scrape rubbed off when i touched it and no dent or dings in the metal. my friend came out and was like “ugh i can’t even deal with this right now” and went back in. i went home stressing and reaching out to places for estimates/repairs. the next morning, my friend texted and said, “hey girl the car is just fine!! nothing wrong the midnight sun must have healed it”. so i’m like phewwwww and so relieved. apologize again and tell them i had looked into getting it fixed if it was bad. cut to 11 hours later, i get sent a pic of the door and a panel under the car and said “i think this can be buffed out.”. i looked at the photo of the lower panel and it’s like, old, chunks of paint out and no scrape or scuff line indicative of my reversing motion. the mechanic and my other friend said that looked like normal wear and tear from gravel. i simply said, “hmm i only noted the door handle. isn’t that the bottom of the car?” and he just said “yea it’s ok.” so now i have an estimate for $600 to repair a freaking scrape and car damage that i’m 💯sure wasn’t physically possible for me to have made given that my car is a tall suv and theirs is a short hatchback. everyone is telling me they prob just noticed it after looking from what i did or (more diabolically) they know it’s not what i did but want me to fix it anyway. i don’t feel like arguing over it but feel like just taking the L and knowing that these “friends” maybe aren’t as great of friends as i thought. i think what bothers me most is they said it was cool then just thought, nah it’s not cool. and not to mention when my friend lived in my home, destroyed parts of my house and never fixed them (a huge hole in the wall from opening the car door into the garage wall) and barely paid rent ever and i just dealt with it. i know i should be accountable for my actions but they know i’m now a poor medical student and i would have hoped they’d give me at least as much grace as they were given.

almost 18yo male (severe vata) require advice related to females and how to be more consistent
I spent 2 years studying for a collage entrance exam and got distracted and depressed half the time and wasn’t able to complete it 1st major failure in my life . I now have to study another year and redo it(about 60 percent of the people who succeed have to give it another year[consoling myself ig] )
There was a girl in who I knew since I was around 5-12yo (used to sit next to her in the school bus almost everyday) then she moved to usa in 6th grade
when i was in 8th grade I realized that I actually kind of liked the girl the whole time just didn’t know it then As there was no way of contacting her I tried to forget about her
The days when I completely did she would randomly come in my dreams and remind me of her existence (dreams weren't romantic in nature just had her in them)
in 11th i finally mustered up the courage to contact her just for the sake of contacting her
we texted for a bit and then i got busy
Ghosted her for almost a month because of how busy I got
then when i asked her about holi after a month of ghosting she randomly tells me that she liked me in 4rth and figured out that she did so in 9th
Mentally I was like what the fuck you could have told me before and I was also kind of glad that the feeling was mutual
I was also kind of sad because of the geographical restraints , hope and motivated to work harder to reach USA
i wrote her a long letter in a word document and sent it against my better judgement her response was favorable and she send the me a text
which ended with "can I claim you as mine"
later she said this
Hey {my name}- I realized that I sent you a message indicating my feelings for you but after thinking more about it today I came to the conclusion that I just can't be in any form of a relationship rn, casual or not. I'm so sorry if I led you on but I respect you as a person and care about u a lot which is why I wanted to be honest, but I would love for us continue to be friends because reconnecting with you has been so fun and I enjoy our convos (as long as you don't leave me on seen for 12 hours haha). Anyway I appreciate you understanding, I just don't have the capacity for anything more than friendship rn
after more texting
we can reconsider this after May cuz I’ll be busy till then
Sorry i didn’t respond today i just realized that I started talking a lot about you And idk why
i don’t understand female nature but what i one can assume from these snippets is that
either she really likes me and actually does not have the time to persue anything(neither do i honestly) fell for someone else closer to her trying to let me down gently and not completely obliterate my heart
i know that there is no possibility as of now to be with her .And I really need to work hard for a couple of years to create it and to set up a good life for myself
but I just want to know that that the feelings are not volatile and went away permanently in a jiffy on her end. I am too scared to ask (I tried to and got this as a response )
Hey I just wanted to say that I really I really like talking to you but I think that we need to address the fact that we live in completely different places and are in different stages of our lives. I only see you platonically but I really enjoy our friendship and conversations and don’t want to leave that. I really don’t have the capacity to be in a long term relationship right now, and I don’t know what will happen in the future. I’m really only thinking about right now, and I don’t want let you down, but that conversation is not in my head. I don’t want to keep leading you on, but I do enjoy our friendship and value it.
i just needed a place to vent and get help from someone who knows females better than I do the girl just keeps randomly infiltrating my dreams I kind of like the dreams but yeah they distract me a lot
ik meditation is supposed to help with emotional detachment I have tried to do it and improve myself so that I can be worthy of her I am trying my best to become a better human in all walks of life,its just that my vata gets the better of me and de-rails me a lot I am pretty sure I suffer with you tube addiction and try to hide away from the fact that I do so .I am trying to improve but I am scared of failure what if I fail in my entrance exams don’t reach USA stay distracted the rest of my life and then die after accomplishing nothing
Idk how this can be helped I just wanted to know that she may still have even a tiny amount of feelings form me (it would make me less distracted maybe)
the best possible outcome that I can possibly imagine is that she again randomly tells me that she does still like we call each other and talk once every week
i am able to study/work towards my goals for 8hrs a day Build muscle for 1hr a day Walk for 1 hr a day Listen to music only at the end of he day everyday for the next 10 years consistently
making me competent and giving me a good carrier(in electronics computer science or 3d(i like 3d the most rendering part of it making the tools that allow this to be done virtual worlds to be created i think i could learn about it and work for it just through my inherent inclination))
as of now i am only able to follow my timetable by 50 percent
i realize that this piece of text is completely incoherent and jumbled thanks for listening to me and if you have any advice that could help me achieve the my goals do tell

It is my first year teaching and I was hired mid year to fill a vacancy at this school. This is a rough school. I came out of college equipped with an equity based mindset and ideas that of course you should be lenient with students, but the difference between what things were like at my student teaching placement and what things are like here is like night and day. There are multiple fights daily. There has been a shooting threat. A few months ago there was a stabbing. Students rarely if ever get any meaningful discipline beyond a talking to. Phone policies are non existent on a school wide level and are up to individual teachers to enforce.
As a young teacher who wasn’t able to establish routines on day 1, I was doomed from the start on phones, and I’m lucky if I have 3 kids looking and listening to me at a time. I started telling them that they wouldn’t get credit for work if they were on their phones while we work together and I guide them through answers to ensure I don’t need to repeat myself 25 separate times per kid, but someone complained and admin told me I cannot enforce this, so it’s back to being just as bad.
I teach seniors, so luckily the most violent kids in my class dropped out early, but those who stay get no discipline. For example, at the beginning of me working here there was a girl who did it all. Cut class, cursed me out, took phone calls in class, they didn’t do anything about her for 15 referrals until she threatened to attack me after school, and for that she got just one day ISS. They finally only took her out of my class when she told the whole room loudly that she doesn’t need to come to class to do work and from now on she’ll be picking up her work from me/checking schoology and doing it in another teachers room. Set a bad example of what the school represents, they said. Never mind that plenty of kids do this, she just said it aloud, so they addressed it.
We are two weeks from the end of school for seniors, one of those weeks being finals. I have extended deadlines 3 times to try and get them to succeed, but I still have around 1/4 of my kids failing. That’s like 40 kids who either don’t show up, don’t do their work, or both. For the ones who show up, I tell them in class to do their work to pass, but they do not listen. I call home to try and explain, but it either does nothing to change their work ethic, or the parents won’t pick up/have a full inbox for messages/blocked the schools numbehang up on me when I say I’m from the school.
I’ve been told that starting next week I’m going to need to answer to meetings, calls, and questions about why these kids are failing my class. This means around 40 angry parents asking why I am the reason they need summer school. All but the laziest skirt by their required math course with cheating/photo math, but they fail English because it requires a bit more work. All of my failing students are failing from a lack of work and attendance. Both are things I cannot fix for them or help them to improve without “pixie dust” (a term used by staff here to describe pretending to “find” non existent work to pass kids along.)
I’ve been told by the other seasoned senior teachers that it will be seen as my fault for not getting through to them. I’m already jumping ship and moving districts, but when I panicked about this and said that I’m scared of being screamed at and terrified of if this high failure rate will effect how I’m seen as a professional/ my ability to secure work elsewhere, I was told I’m heartless and not cut out for being an educator because I should care more about their futures than how I’m viewed, but I am genuinely scared for my livelihood. This is my first year as a teacher, and my coworkers are convincing me that because I haven’t bent over backwards to pixie dust work or call every week to non responsive families, that it is a me issue. These coworkers only have 1-2 on level courses and mostly deal with AP, honors, and ELA electives, but I have all on level regular classes full of unmotivated kids, some of which I have not seen in months.
I’m burnt out. Last night I had a panic attack where I couldn’t breathe and could not stop throwing up and crying. I don’t know what else I can even do. There are no consequences for them, but there will be for me. I don’t know if this is normal. I don’t know if teaching is for me if this is how it’s supposed to be. I’m so scared.

Long story short me and her are really close but she has some mental healing to do which she didn’t do and decided to latch onto someone new during us just being friends or something for the starting point of 2024 she strung me along well she moved away and came back to see her family for a couple days over that she made it clear she was trying to see “where it goes” with the new guy while saying she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. (Sounded like a fling or an attachment. For the sake of the guy) remember I said she had couple mental healing to do well I took note of all this and it seem like she don’t know what she was doing while thinking she was , well anyways she was suppose to come on Thursdays and I called her way before telling her to come chill wich she said yes I know weird right , and well tonight Friday at 1:45 pm I called to assure her I won’t be home till after work and she picked up but suddenly hun up so later on I tried to go to sleep when the phone rang . Long story shorty she said why did I call and blah blah blah the guy kicked her out which I was oblivious she was with him since she said he was in Arkansas , well she ended up coming to my house and talked she was somewhat drunk and said he reminded her of me my past self which was bad it all sounded bad from where telling me he said something about killing her if she did something and that he pointed the gun at her and told her to put it in her mouth and such . This is what she told me from her drunk self she took my whiskey and got more wasted which led me to take away her keys and carry her into the bathroom and helping her out her pee stained clothes mind you she wasn’t unconscious and was consentful well I noticed what appeared to be bruises on her chest which turned out to be hickies of course smh (she can’t let anybodfuck and should create boundaries ) after all that I told her if he hit her and she said that he took advantage of her and she just kind of went blank drunk and I threw her on my bed and she is sleeping at my house next to me while I have to get up to work at in 45 minutes it’s 5:27 and I’m on the verge of bei fired if I don’t show up I’ll get terminated and I haven’t slept all night idk what to feel I feel kinda ashamed since I knew she wasn’t making a right decision with him but did it out of something maybe an attachment or validation she told me what type of guy she wanted but she attracts people like “me” I’m not a bad guy just had bad action in the past which I’m well on moved on since she left while she jumped to quick into something without even working on her self or her mental health

(Note, this is one of those long, loooong “I went to Greece and this is what I did” post)
I've wanted to go to Greece since I was young. I wrote in my diary when I was 17 that I would go one day and exactly 10 years later I would actually go. Took me 4 years to save up. So I'm very happy.
I have 9 days there, 27th APR to 5th MAY
I arrived very early on the first day which is the 27th with my one backpack and one daypack, and went to Keramikos right away. Had ice cream on the way because I craved sweets after 17 hours traveling. I really love it there and it, along with Delphi, are my most favorite places I visited. I really like how tranquil it is, and I really like the museum and also the tortoises too. I had a dream about tortoises that night. Then I stopped and ate a Greek salad. I learned how to compliment food in Greek and made the waiter laugh lol. The second place I went to is the Agora and the temple of Hephaestus. The whole area is very beautiful, but I accidentally fell asleep and didn’t realize I was sitting where I shouldn’t be sitting but luckily someone woke me up. Felt bad about it :/ Well, anyway, I looked at the museum in the agora too. I really like the big shield (I didn’t know it’s a shield at first. it’s huge.). I found that I get dehydrated so quickly, so I tried to drink as often as I can. I can see the temple of Hephaestus from the agora! It look like a painting. I walked around the place, I just want to convince myself that I’m actually here first before I go to see the temple of Hephaestus. The people back home’s not gonna believe this, the temple is so pristine, so wonderfully preserved. I get to look at the inside which is not often in the pictures. Then I walked past the Monastiraki square to go to my hotel, then came out to get gyro. I slept at a hotel that night because I accidentally booked it (I intend to stay the rest of the night in Athens in a cheaper apartment).
The next day was the 28th May, initially a day trip to Delphi but as I got there I found out my booking was cancelled due to some problem so I booked a new one on the next available day which is the 30th. Initially, the 30th was the day I intended to climb Acropolis because it’s weekday/less busy, but it’s ok! so, I left my baggage in a baggage store place, and walk to Acropolis! I was very excited, my heart beat very fast all the way up and not because I’m tired or anything. I just can't believe I’m actually here. It’s very slippery, and at one point I look and see a long walk up, so I was busy looking at the path and not looking up because I was afraid of slipping, so I get to look around only once I was at the top, and when I look down I finally saw the Herodion and it is bigger and higher up than I thought, and my hair stand up. The Acropolis was ok, but the Erechtheion have always interest me more, because again, it’s on more thing that’s bigger in real life than in pictures. The path down from Acropolis is even more slippery. There were so many musicians, it’s very lively. Met a really cool guy who dressed as Spartan warrior. I walked through the Acropolis museum. I got sad about the missing karyatid, because there were 5 of them displayed, but the vacant space they left for the 6th made me sad. I hope she will stand in that spot one day (I was already missing my sisters and family too… so it feels a little personal to me.) I got really tired then so I ate another salad but this time an Athenian salad. Then I climbed Philopapou! I noticed a tall monument from the top of the Acropolis and wanted to see what it is. On the way I visited the prison of Sokrates, and then this clearing called Pnyx, and it's windy there and got a lot of shade so I slept a while before going to the top of it. Well the monument is beautiful and tall. I can't believe that, compared to the rest of the places I visited before, this monument is considered new. I got lost a bit on the way down (I didn’t go down the way I came. there is a path from the monument and I wanna see where it goes). and um, something happen on the way down. A man asked me if I want to get a coffee with him. I politely declined but that’s the first time in my hideous person life that someone ‘flirt’ with me. People don’t do that, unless as a joke. So I feel weird I guess but not bad at all. Anyway I was so tired so I call taxi with the app Freenow. it’s decent price, I think. I goes to get my baggage and walk to the apartment I’ll be staying and I found a “super food market” on the way (near Temple of Olympian Zeus) and I got some energy bars there. I watched the Temple of Zeus from behind the gate (I didn’t pay to go inside) and see the statue of Alexander the Great on the way. I wash my cloth at the apartment and ate instant rice porridge I brought from home (I was on budget, I can’t eat out every meal).
On the 29th May I woke early so I can have breakfast and hot tea because I got a little sick last night. It’s usually 35 degree celsius in my country so I’m not used to the cold. The tour office is just a few minutes walk from my apartment. I get to sit in the front of the bus and see in front, not just on the side! I’m excited because the route is ancient route, like there are temples on the way, and pass by Eleusis (I really like the book “The King must Die” by Mary Renault and it’s a location for important part of the story about Theseus) After a brief stop where I get to walk to the bridge across the Corinth canal, I finally got to Epidaurus. The theatre there is so unreal. Climbed to the top and still hear the ‘clink!’ of someone dropping a coin on the orchestra below. Museum is pretty, and the fact that almost all the statues are missing their heads are kinda eerie. there are so many medical tools in the museum too. Really made me realized about the fact that people nowaday come to Epidaurus for the theatre but people long ago come here to be treated for their illness. Very difference purposes. The tour stopped at Nafplio for lunch. Had grilled dish and learned how to squeeze lemon on meats. Also went to pharmacy to get something for a sore throat and a face mask. An hour later I was in Mycenae archeological site! I really looked forward to see the Lion gate and it did not dissappoint. Bigger and taller than I imagined. 2 years ago I painted a picture of the Lion gate, and I tried walking around for an angle that fit the one in my painting. I took one, and when I put the pictures and the painting side by side, it’s almost the same angle, just different lighting! (It was morning in my painting, but mid day when I took the picture) It’s very intimidating and I imagine it must have been very scary to defeated enemies or captives, being brought into this city and looking up from their chains to see the lions. The tomb of Atreus is chilling. Both because it’s cold inside but also because it’s, well, a tomb. A large and important one. Overall, Argolis is a beautiful region, a lot of plains and very windy. Once again very tired when I got back to my apartment, but I get to wash my hair!
The 30th is my long-awaited Delphi day tour. Like I said, this was originally on the 28th but due to problem with, I think, the app I used to book it, it got cancelled without me knowing, and the tour company is very helpful and helped me book it for a very fair price, but I’ll just have to buy tickets myself. It’s a longer drive this time, but the sceneries is beautiful. I LOVE mountains, so the views interests me all the way there (even if I didn’t get to sit in the front, and the window is tinted so it’s a little dark) I really admire bus drivers in Greece. The mountain path is narrow in the village on the way, but they’re all very good drivers. It’s quite cold up there. There are caterpillar silk nest on the pine trees that look like cotton candies. Delphi is… um, it’s like it’s not in this world. It’s like it’s from another world, and maybe you could say that it is, it’s from the world in the past, or something. I felt as if I was in a dream. I can’t explain it, but it make the place all quiet and tranquil despite all the wind and the tourists. Like there are tourists, but it also feel as though they don’t exist, but it’s doesn’t feel vacant either, but instead there’s “presence” all around that doesn’t come from the tourists. I understand now why the people in the past believe that this is center of the world, or believe that gods were here. The tour guide said to meet at the museum in an hour and a half, and I really want to go see the small temple to Athena, just beyond the athletes area, but I was afraid I wouldn’t go to the tour guide in time so I didn’t go. Kinda regrets it. Anyway I fell in love at the museum in Delphi. The artifacts inside are gorgeous, I particularly love the sphynx and the charioteer (bought a postcard of it back home) but none as gorgeous as the statue of Antinous. He’s beautiful and I’ve never seen a boy more lovely than him, even the living ones. I seen the stone that contain a ‘sheet music’ and lyrics. I remember that melody, because I played a game called Assassin’s Creed Origin once and the musician NPCs sometimes plays this music. It’s good to finally see the ‘sheet music’ itself! Had a bit of a late lunch and had feta cheese salad, it’s delicious. Another long drive back, where I get to nap a bit.There’s a dessert place nearby where I tried some pastry and then a convenient store where I bought pudding from a freezer. Greece only have 3 Lays flavours that I’ve seen but a lot of bars of grains and cereal to choose from which I really enjoy (especially the ones with honey)
On the May day, I pack my things and checked out, again with my backpack on the back and daypack on the front. I called a taxi this time, before the strike happen, so I can go to the national archeological museum. I know the museum already have place to deposit backpacks. I walked around for about 4 hours. Everything is pretty even if I was still thinking about Antinous. Everything is amazing to me there. I like to be reminded of the fact that it’s really human’s nature to make pretty things. I visited the museum giftshop too. I travelled alone with little space so I know I shouldn’t buy lots of souvenirs, but I did get a lot of postcards because I like them, and allow myself one book. Had a heated gyros outside, just a quick bite, while I wait for a ‘break’ in the strike, then take the taxi to Spata, near the airport, because I have a very early flight tomorrow. I booked a room there that’s really huge (it’s a bit expansive, because there are flight change so I had to find new hotel.) Since I arrived in the early evening, I get to wash my cloths and see it dry before the night. It’s really really cold out here now. I get to rest the whole evening and eat the food I bought earlier. (I took a foldable tupperware with me. I use them to pack lunch for work but this trip I used it to pack leftovers from tavernas). I sleep early and was kinda nervous about the flight, but I woke early too.
on the 2nd of May, I booked a taxi on Freenow since the day before so by the time the taxi arrive, I was already standing outside waiting. Again, I shouldn't have gone out to wait early and should've stayed inside the building until the taxi arrived, because it's so cold, and I think this got me sich later. The flight went well and took me to Herakleion safely. I have a little problem finding which bus goes to the city but I found it and arrived safely to the center too. I took the bus number 2 to Knossos! I got very excited when I see the road sign that indicated that Knossos was just ahead. I ate first though. I had moussaka. I bought an audio guide because I want to try touring using an audio guide, and the direction was confusing, maybe because it's not updated. I ended up walking around and around trying to find the spot the tour was talking about. Knossos is as I expected. It was mostly reconstructed, but I still had a lot of fun imagining what it could look like, and thinking about the people that lived there. It means something to me because I've always been obsessed with the minotaur since I was little, since before knowing what country the story come from. So seeing something related to, or even potentially the origin of the tale, has been super exciting to me, and also because, as I mentioned, I really like Renault's “The King Must Die”. I really love it there. The review said it’s not authentic and I agree, but to me, it matters enough that I’m here, so I’m very happy with that. Unfortunately, I spent so much time in Knossos that I didn’t spent as much as I want in Herakleion musuem! Still feel bad about that. But I get to see the bull leap frescoes, and all the pots and vases and statues with bulls on it. There’s so many thing with bulls, like a statue and a really beautiful bull head vessel and a small statuettes with people grabbing on a bull’s horns. I really love them all. I get to see the real vase with octopus. I have a blanket with Minoan octopus on it, it’s good to see the real thing. I got a tiny bronze bull replica of the one in the museum. It’s small so it doesn’t weight much. Unfortunately, for the rest of my journey, I’d be sick. It start with sore throat that evening, which progress into symptoms of sinusitis. I had to visit the pharmacy again. Hot tea didn’t help this time, my nose was too dry for too long and I think I’ve been cold for too long as well.
The 3rd of May is holiday, I know this, so I pick this as the day to travel to Chania via bus and explore Chania. I woke up when I’m ready because I’m in no rush today. I ate all the supplies I had for dinner and breakfast to make my pack light, so I head out of the hotel and walk to the bus station. I waited a while, feeling myself getting more sick. It was about 3 hours to Chania with no bathroom break so I suffered a bit, but wow, the landscape of Crete is so much different from Attika. It’s less trees and more of large bushes. All the way, the right side is the sea, and the left is the mountain. It’s beautiful. I miss the cypress though, there are less cypress in Crete. On the way though! I saw a goat with a really big horns. I think it’s one of those Cretan wild goat, which I was excited to see at Samaria gorge. I had to use the bathroom real quick after I arrived. The bus stop is near my hotel, but it’s not time to check in yet, so I went and had lunch by the harbour. Look pretty just like in the pictures I’ve seen! I had calamari and sakanagi. It’s so delicious and refreshing. They have rice which is different from the one in my country, the rice is tiny and round and cuter than the white fluffy rice at my home. I was so full. I learned about how, after you asked for the bill, they’ll give you dessert first so I really look forward to it. I got a really good dessert too, and had to sit a while because I’m so full. I walked to the hotel, and there are two identical entrance. Luckily the staff was there and show me the right entrance. My room for the last 3 nights is small and cozy, really love it. I hope to eat out at dinner, but unfortunately, by that time, my sickness got so bad, I can only walk to the nearby supermarket and buy a salad and tea with honey. Tomorrow I was supposed to go hike the Samaria gorge. I’m a regular person, I wasn’t super fit, but I’m not a weakling either, and I have hiked in my country several times but it’s a different climate (hot and wet tropical jungle, not dry and cold) and I got Covid once which got my health down so bad that I had trouble even walking up stair but I bounced back since then. But this hike is a bit longer than my longest hike, so I trained myself for it for about 6 months and got fitter than I’ve ever been. I was so ready, sooooo ready. But that night, I had to emailed them to cancelled the hike because I got a bad fever, and my throat is all red. I just tried making myself feel comfortable all night. It’s a sad 4th of May, but I got better in the evening! When I’m sure I was well, I went out. Tomorrow everything will close again so this is my last chance to buy souvenirs. I got more postcards and, since I couldn’t go to Samaria to see the goats, I bought myself a little goat plushie that have “Love Crete” embroidered on his back. I would love if I could buy plushie from different countries I visited, of an important animals of that place (I got an emu from when I was in Australia) and for dinner, there’s this place called To Xani that I’ve read review of and wanted to try so I went. I have rabbit stifado because I’ve never tried rabbit. It’s like chicken but less fat and more sweet, to me. So far, that’s my favourite dish of all I’ve tried in Greece. That night, I planed to go to church and see how Christian celebrates Easter, but unfortunately, as the night gets late, I got sick again, so I went to sleep.
The 5th, my last day, is my relaxing day, which initially I want to use it to stroll around the city and chill. Instead I lay sick almost all day. I haven’t eaten the Cretan dish on my list yet, which is last one left on my list; Cretan pie. So I went out anyway during the evening and ordered a takeaway to eat at my hotel. At least I’m happy with that, especially because I stopped to watch the sun set for the last time before I leave tomorrow.
I pre-booked a taxi which take me to the airport. I flew from Chania to Athens, then I switched to another airline that take me home, with a 4 hours stop at Istanbul. during the longest leg of the flight, which is Istanbul to my home, I got more sick so rapidly (I think the cold and dry cabin air got me) I feel so guilty because I was afraid I might make other people sick too. (I wear mask all the time). 28 hours after I left my hotel in Chania, I got home safe with a new goat friend.
So, that’s my adventure! I’m not sure why I got that sick.It’s not covid though. I noticed that the dry climate made me thirsty very often and I think maybe I was dehydrated? Or is it simply the cold? Or maybe I caught something from Greek people because I noticed a lot of people were sneezing. Is it the season? I noticed some olive trees have flowers when it’s supposed to bloom in summer, so there’s an unusual weather and that make people sick and I caught something from them?
Next time I’ll bring some medicines of my own because medicines are expansive there. Next time, I’ll be better prepared. I want to go back again, because I haven’t seen everything yet. And especially have not hiked Samaria yet. Maybe next time, I’ll go when it’s warmer, but not in the middle of European people’s summer holiday, because I don’t like too many people.
Anyway, the trip may have ended badly, but over all it’s still a wonderful trip. I learned a lot about traveling, I become motivated to start another side hustle so I can make more money to travel, I learned about life outside my country. It’s also worth everything I have been doing to get here too. Overall, I’m very very happy, and can see myself going back there again.
Actually, during the time I prepare for this trip, one of the preparation is learning how to speak Greek. I learned on free online sources, and I’m proud that I get to speak Greek to Greek people (say things like "This food is delicious" "I like it" "the weather is cold" "I'm traveling for ten days")
I think people will ask because somehow some people can tell, so I’ll answer first, yes i have autism. I don’t expect many people to read to the end but thank you if you do. English is not my first language so I'm sorry for grammar mistakes that I made. Feel free to talk about your own experience too because I always love hearing about it. I’m from Thailand by the way.

This happened last Saturday. My buddy and I went to go see the new Planet of the Apes movie at a small, local theater. We sat fairly close to the front. Behind us was a man with 4 or 5 kids ranging in age from elementary school to high school.
When the movie started, the youngest a boy, around 8 or so, started asking questions to his dad. (Who is that? What did they say? Why are they doing that? Etc.) Whatever, not a huge deal.
A few minutes later the boy is clearly bored and takes a little flashlight out and is shining it around. That’s when the family got my first dirty glare.
As the movie went on the talking got worse and worse. This elicited a couple brief shushes from me. Eventually it came to a head when the two girls next to the young boy (they were probably in middle school) were scrolling on a phone and giggling/talking.
Finally I gave them a loud “SHUSH!” They shushed back in the same way and laughed. I shushed them one more time, and Dad launched out of his chair and loomed over me and my friend.
“DON’T YOU FUCKING SHUSH MY KIDS. DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE”
I got up into his face as well. “I wouldn’t have to if you would keep them quiet.”
“DO IT AGAIN. FUCKING SHUSH THEM AGAIN.”
I turned to them. “Shush.”
“TRY IT AGAIN!”
This time I shushed HIM right in his face. It was clear to me the dude was all bark. He eventually sat down but continued to talk shit.
“Do YOU have kids?”
“Nope…”
“Good, never do!”
“…because I might end up with jerks like yours.”
“Fucking queer.”
I turned in my seat. “At least I’m not a bad father.”
“Get a fucking woman, queer.”
I flashed my wedding ring.
“Jesus, do I feel bad for HER!” Etc. etc…. blah blah blah.
He toned down and my friend and I got to finish the movie in peace and quiet. But am I crazy? AITA in this situation? I’d be really curious to hear from parents. What would you do if someone shushed YOUR kids? I know I didn’t handle the situation perfectly, but I’ve been racking my brain about how I could’ve approached it differently so it didn’t escalate like it did.

If you attend this year's convention, please could you report how much pioneering is featured on the programme?
I see from Larch's new post that they have updated pioneer book.I have to admit, I'm surprised at this. I had a suspicion that they were quietly phasing out pioneering. It would be crazy for them to do it, but then they are crazy.
Here are my reasons for thinking this:
Pioneer school has been reduced from two weeks to one. Now often the school is conducted by a CO and a local pioneer elder, instead of two CO's In many places they have to bring their own lunch. It used to be a sit-down meal provided by the local congregation. The school used to be a big draw - "You only need to pioneer for 12 months, then you get invited to the school...". Now it is less special, it is less of a draw for new ones.
The reduction in pioneer hours makes it less significant as a role and naturally lowers its status. 12.5 hours a week is not such a feat of spirituality. If people stop thinking that pioneering is so special, they will be less likely to sacrifice college or career prospects to do it. Actually, now the hours are so low, it would be possible to attend college AND pioneer. For me, this is the biggest danger for the Borg. They have to offer a career path that keeps young people out of mainstream education and life. If they don't, this religion will surely sink once the boomers have left the scene.
No more foreign language groups. When I was pioneering (90's-2000s), the only thing that kept us going was the academic appeal of learning a new language and the time it used up trying to find people who spoke that language. If I was left in my home congregation (very white, middle-class suburbia) I would have gone nuts knocking on doors all day. Nobody in the English territory was interested or would listen for more than 20 seconds.
The fact that non-pioneers don't have to count time at all makes pioneering seem unnecessarily unfair. If I can be "in good standing" and knock off whenever I feel like it, why would I bind myself to pedantically counting my time? On the Borg videos, they have portrayed not counting time as a positive, an advancement to help us focus on people, not time. If so, why the hell would anyone pioneer?
So my theory is that they won't abolish the "privilege" of pioneering, they will just talk about it less and less.
If you attend the convention, please report back on how pioneering is talked about on the programme. Is it the focus of the ministry, or just something you can do if you wish?
What do you think?