My life has been a living hell. All I want to do is be able to function and work and support myself and not wonder what is going to happen to me from one minute to the next. My crossing guard job is ending because it's summer break soon and I have been looking at jobs. I literally don't have the brain energy/cognitive capacity to do any fucking job at all. This was literally the only job I could handle. I can't do things for a long time. Meaning maybe an hour tops. I can't think much. I make tons of mistakes. I can't physically do a lot b cause it also takes from my limited brain energy. I've been forced into working because our lovely government doesn't consider a concussion a fucking disability. I have been fucked now for 14 months. Not looking any better. My abilities are not coming back. I pretty much become incapacitated as soon as I walk into any establishment with LED lights and noise and become severely mentally fatigued. But, since my injury is invisible I am fucked. How is this fucking OKAY!?!?!? I have severe memory problems. I have no energy. I become irritable and sleepy from doing next to nothing. Will this fucking shit ever go the fuck away. I'm fucking sick of living like this. I am dizzy 24 7. How is this fucking okay to treat people with the worst type of injury like they are FINE. If I went and got a job I would be fired in a heartbeat.

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, asking about Memantine. If you want, here is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor solo businessman, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or suggestion on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

In 2010, I was facing felony charges for distribution of drugs. I was a drug addict. Hook line and sinker. But never admitted that to myself. My drug of choice? Anything I could get my hands on. Cocaine, ecstasy, weed, Xanax, Oxycontin, ciggys, alcohol, ativan, seroquil, spice, mushrooms.. You name it.
Desperately wanting to avoid prison time, I did whatever I could to turn my life around. The potential pain in carrying on was too great to tolerate. This was my rock bottom.
I enrolled in college, started working out every day, got rid of any "friends" that wanted to continue that lifestyle.
And quitting my daily drug use?
It wasn't a factor. I was too scared. I was willing to do anything to escape my prison sentence so I dropped them all without looking back. I was lucky. Lucky I had hit rock bottom. Lucky that everything collapsed around me. I needed a push and this was it.
Apparently the judge saw that I was making real change and I was able to avoid prison. I was slapped with a couple of felonies, fines, and drug and rehab classes.
Having felonies on my record was hard. I couldn't get a decent job. Even Walmart was excited to hire me, but then rejected me because of my record. I knew that I had turned a new leaf. I just needed someone to see that I was changed now.
Luckily, I found a family that needed help with their special needs kid.
I worked for them for long enough to get my felonies reduced and expunged off my record.
When hard drugs turn into soft drugs.
I thought I was "drug free" because I had stopped all illegal drugs. But soon I found myself consuming copious amounts of caffeine in order to lose weight and get "Jacked". You see, I found a passion for natural bodybuilding and Jiu-Jitsu around 2011.
I consumed endless content on how to lose body fat so I could finally get a six pack. A lot of YouTubers at the time were promoting pre-workouts like Jack3d. Which also had another stimulant called 1,3 dimethylamylamine - or DMAA. Which was banned after it had become known to be problematic.
So there I was, taking Jack3d, working out, and trying to figure out how to get a six pack. I hired the same coaches that my favorite YouTuber Matt Ogus had. 3DMuscleJourney. I got very serious with Diet and training.
When I started with 3DMuscleJourney in 2012, I had been working out for a solid year. I had gotten down to 195lbs from 215. Not a huge difference. And I had put on a good amount of Muscle in that time.
3DMuscleJourney taught me and guided me on how to train effectively while dieting and how to diet efficiently by tracking macros. But my preworkout and caffeine use had spiked up 1,500mg a day. I used caffeine as a substitute for food. After 12 weeks, I was down to 160lbs.
I was fit by any person's definition. My new found glory would soon collapse as my caffeine and DMAA use caught up to me. I started having bad shoulder pain, my joints were achy and cracky, popping every time I moved. I started stretching and doing mobility exercises but the pain in my body only got worse. I was unable to sleep. I would have fits of rage followed by lows of doubt and depression.
Then, I broke. I was no longer able to exercise because of the pain. I started eating more to see if it would help my joints. I quickly gained 30lbs. Probably within only a few weeks. I ended my coaching and started to slip back towards the abyss
That's when I figured out that caffeine and DMAA were both a huge problem.
I had been consuming caffeine my whole life. But never thought twice about it. It was a legal substance that a kid could go buy in a vending machine. How bad could it be? Broken, I decided to quit.
I was quickly able to cut out DMAA. But every attempt at quitting caffeine left me in so much pain that I would quickly rationalize going back to it. I never made it past two weeks.
Why was this harder than quitting all of those harder drugs?
I guess decades of using a softer drug still carves out some pretty steep ravines in your reward pathway. Caffeine was my last vice. Or so I thought..
I read the book "Caffeine Blues". This book explained that caffeine is not healthy in any way. It is a stimulant that causes your body to break down over time just like any drug. The book outlined some of the negatives associated with caffeine.

• Poor sleep, even if you didn't consume caffeine close to bedtime
• Joint pain from increased muscle tension.
• Poor vitamin and mineral absorption.
• Energy crashes and mood swings.
• Irritability.
• Psychosis.
• Masking negatives of caffeine with drugs and alcohol.

The list goes on. This was crazy. The book recommended tapering off of caffeine. While I was able to wean down to 300-600 most days. I couldn't get myself to fully commit. I started to look for some help.
Maybe I needed something to give me energy and focus while I quit?
I started to look at "Nootropics" to help me focus. I tried a large variety of them.

• Noopept
• Modafinil
• Piracetam
• Aniracetam
• L-Theanine
• Phenibu
• Kratom
• Nicotine
• A large variety of other supplements.

Non of this helped me quit caffeine. I soon realized that these legal "Performance enhancers" were just drugs. With their own highs and lows. And negative effects over time. I ended up quitting all of this after a year.
It was back to the drawing board.
Around the end of 2015, I ended up doing a 3 month or so long caffeine taper. Using caffeine powder and a mg scale I bought off Amazon. The plan was slow and steady. 1-2mg per day. I didn't want to notice my caffeine levels were dropping. After about a month under 25mg, I started feeling great.
My joints felt great, Arizona heat was more comfortable, I craved healthy food and exercise, I slept like a baby, the list goes on. I had raised my testosterone levels from 320ng/dL to 575ng/dL.
But then, just as I finally let go of caffeine. There was a surprise. A curve ball that would change my life forever.
The boy who lived...
My first child was to be born. The 24 hours in the hospital was an introduction to the lack of sleep I would face over the next few years. I caved..
One or two cups of coffee later, my son was born, and a new cycle of baby wake me up > being tired > caffeine to get me through the day > poor quality sleep > baby wake me up had begun.
I got got even more dependent on caffeine. I could no longer just take a nap whenever I wanted. I was a mess. Feeling like shit, with high stress, I also started drinking alcohol and smoking weed again. My testosterone levels plummeted down to 275ng/dL.
Great move dad..
I wanted to get healthy again. I started reading books about health, nutrition, meditation, etc. I wanted to attack this problem from multiple angles. I started eating a plant-based diet, meditating, exercising, taking ice baths, etc. I quit alcohol and weed again. Tapering my caffeine down below 100mg again.
I was starting to feel better. Even got my testosterone levels all the way up to 575ng/D
The girl who lived..
Sorry about the Harry Potter references...
Just when I thought it was over, another curve ball to my health goals. Something that would start the lack of sleep cycle all over again.
You guessed it.. another child! This time, there was a baby girl in my house. This new baby came with new challenges. Our daughter was born with cataracts. She had to have surgery at around 3 months old to get them removed. So not only did we have to deal with the lack of sleep stress again, and boy did she excel in that area, we had to deal with putting contacts in a baby...
Imagine a grown man squeezing their fist closed. And you have to delicately open up their fist, and place a sticky note on their palm without bending the paper. And the grown man is also having a seizure at the same time. Also, you haven't slept a quality night of sleep for weeks.
Needless to say, but I'm going to say it, our stress levels shot through the roof. We had new worries and fears about our daughter's condition and the caffeine cycle ramped back up again. All while trying to focus on my new career in IT and raising our other child.
Testosterone Replacement Therapy
I think sometime early 2023, a friend told me he was on Testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). I knew my low test levels were due to stress, caffeine use, lack of sleep, belly fat, poor eating habits, etc. But I was desperate for some edge that would help me finally quit caffeine and get healthy again.
I thought, if I can use Testosterone to help me get healthy, then I can get off of it later and not suffer any consequences.
Boy was I wrong
TRT did give me more drive and gusto to get stuff done. It also made me work harder than my body wanted. I started getting more back pain from harder weightlifting session, I actually started doing more caffeine, and even weed again. I was like 6 years clean from weed at this point.
This made me over confident. Like I could handle anything, which led to poor decisions. I felt like a horny teenager and it made it hard to focus. I started masturbating furiously..
After 4 months stabbing myself in the ass, and draining my life essence, I decided to quit TRT cold turkey. I knew this wasn't what I needed.
Withdrawals from TRT were bearable. I had waves of depression, lack of energy, etc. But I got through it. I'll probably get my levels tested again soon. As I write this, I have been off of TRT for 12 months now.
I leaned more heavily on caffeine while I was coming off of TRT. My current levels are around 400mg per day. But tapering off is my primary focus. Or maybe I should try cold turkey again? Not sure how I can afford to be a useless zombie for weeks while I have a full time job and 2 kids to look after.
"Semen retention" and NoFap
For years, I had made half ass attempts at doing No Fap and quitting porn. The benefits claimed by people who have tried it are:

• Increased energy
• Vigor
• Willpower
• Can function on less sleep
• Increased confidenc
• Better focus and concentration
• Muscle growth
• Increased Libido

I started to read some books about the topic. This big two were "Your Brain on Porn" and "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow". These books took a more Science-based approach. There were also a couple books that were a little off tilt such as "Bliss of the Celibate" and "Why You Should Never Masturbate". These books included a lot of hokey about chakras and religion.
I never made it passed two weeks.
After TRT, I decided to give it a real go. NoFap/ Semen retention felt like my final try at getting an "edge". I lasted over a month. Just around the 3 week mark, I had felt the same benefits of TRT without all of the negatives. I also learned, that you have to be all in.
Any sexual thoughts had to be banished. Just think of something else. If you entertain lust at all, you will fail. Stay off social media where you may run into soft porn, which can start the spiral that leads you to porn, etc.
I was able to control my caffeine intake finally, my sleep was better, my wife was more attracted to me, I was more patient with the kids. I finally found the answer.
But then, I relapsed. And lost sight of the benefits. I had forgotten.
Slowly everything started slipping again. With small nofap stints here and there never lasting more than two weeks.
As I write this, I am realizing that caffeine was never my problem. It was a symptom of something else. I am currently on day 6 of retention and have made it my number one priority again. I need to remember this. I need my edge back.
The journey continues..
Life is full of ups and downs. And decisions you make (good or bad) compound over time. I know all of the positive effort, and commitment to personal development has paid off over time. Even though it may have been slower than I had hoped.
This story leaves out a lot. But I'd love to have a conversation with anyone who has had similar struggles. I have been going at this alone. I can only imagine how much more growth there can be surrounding yourself with like-minded individual
Ta Ta for Now.

Tiny mentioned on stream the other day that we need to start cooking up some strategies for tearing apart common talking points we might run into. Figured I'd kick it off with this thread - dont care about I/P or anti lefty stuff so going to focus on election rhetoric
Talking Points for the Election

1. What has Biden done?

We cant use this much at home but if someone whips this out in a talk with Destiny this is probably one of the biggest slam dunks he can get. A professional political commentator openly admitting they haven't kept up with the latest legislation is damning, and it gets a followup - "If you actually followed what was happening you might've known that the policy you said you loved so much with Trump was actually put into practice by Biden" (China tariffs are a huge win for Joe)

1. Senility

The first response to this is always to call it theater. If they push, you pivot this into "If he's senile then why is everything going right?". This is a big point for destiny - you *have* to stop pivoting away from "do you even like biden?" to "wait but trump is worse." Biden has genuine positives you should be leaning on, and at this point people are good at people picking up on that particular pivot so it often ends up looking very political and potentially dishonest. Its especially important to bring up the wins that are bipartisan or that have appealed to any of the versions of the republican party over the last 20 years

1. Immigration

I notice Destiny generally avoids asking questions in arguments because he thinks it can lose for rhetorical reasons, but this is a spot I think it works really well - you lead in with "What issue do you have with Biden's immigration policy?" and when they follow up with one of their halfbaked answers you cut them off with "no no no, whats your issue with *Biden*'s immigration policy?". The point is you want to direct the conversation to the bill thats currently on the floor of congress and either A) fuck them for not knowing about the bill or B) win the back and forth on what you like or dont like about the bill

1. Wokeness

Tiny's been doing great on this topic lately, downplaying the role of college students and throwing a few zingers to show how stupid it is to base political discourse off some suped up 18 year old. The broader followup to make here is you want to make it clear to the audience that you think the democratic party is moving away from immigration and woke. Having this observation aired is so insanely strong among neutral / conservative audiences its almost criminal not slip it in somehow. Destiny's already has it is in arsenal to mention how the far left hasn't seemed to infiltrate the actual democratic party very far, however I think he can be much stronger on this point and you can use the recent immigration bill to group that in here as well

1. "Trump came up with it first!"

Yea but you need an adult to put it into practice. Easy shot. Using rhetoric to consistently frame trump as juvenile or incompetent is super important, and it works x10 if you slip it in on a separate point (because they cant respond to both your point and your insinuation)

1. "But people clearly like the guy!"

The most piers morgan take you can get, takes some tact but you should be able to turn this into your favor by slipping in a "well people like a lot of dumb shit" and then go into a longer point either about celebrity worship or about how the dont focus on policy. Potential TMZ zinger here? Also, when you do this dont say republicans, say "The trump movement" or something similar. Simple word change to make it appeal to tradcons

1. You're just saying that to be a contrarian!

This goes for any point where they try to come up with a background reason for what you're saying. I remember this specifically happening in the candace debate, but it comes up all the time. This is an opportunity because it actually gives you a chance to frame your position in your own words. I'll get into this more in the optics section but pivoting this into "No, I believe this because I've always believed in [good thing]" or "No I believe it because I've read [relevant document] and I found the evidence compelling / hard to deny".

1. Ukraine - Isolationism / The libertarian position

"Just ignore the world until its on your doorstep". Easy zingers here
Content / "Optics" Analysis for Mr. Tiny

1. Clips & Breakdowns

We just had a post this week asking for Destiny to do video essays - that shit's stupid, but its the right energy and a good litmus test for what people are looking for. The way Destiny makes this work is by taking the explanations he already does on stream - you know, when someone asks him a good question in chat and he does the little drawings - and [aieifndc] that into a machine. First step is to approach it correctly - dont wait for the good question to be asked. Come in to the stream ready to launch into an explanation on immigration, I/P, trump lawsuits, vaccine conspiracies, etc. When you find what you want, clip it and edit it either into 8 minutes for youtube or 15s for tiktok and let the algo gods do their thing. You make high quality content because you're generally knowledgeable on the topics at hand - lean on that, the higher quality your explanation the more likely someone's going to share it to their friends

1. Topic Selection

We have a number of opinions we believe, which of those opinions do we lean on to serve me best in this conversation? This is the main game you play if you're ever trying to be smart *and& honest about talking politics. For Destiny this means - younger audiences you lean on anti-conspiracies and avoid I/P, for boomers you focus on bipartisan issues and interest rates, for rightwingers and libertarians mention the guns you have and talk about how much you love america.

1. Positive Optics - Research Streams and dunking on Conspiracy Theorists

Tuning into a destiny stream to see that he brought two lawyers on to read through the latest trump case earned an unbelievable amount of respect for him in my head, I bring it up every time he comes and people are rightfully impressed - this is positive optics. Many aspects of Destiny's day to day work are incredibly impressive and a breath of fresh air to the average joe learning about his work, nearly every American is going to have respect for the guy who actually reads the bills and court cases he's talking about. So yeah, mention that shit more.
Destiny completely underestimates how crucial his takes on conspiracies are right now. When my uncle brings up voting machines or bats in China, I have no idea what to say - Destiny does. You see that big write up I did for talking points about the election? *Nobody* has the anti-conspiracy version of that talking point list - except Destiny. Voters under 26 dont give a fuck about the economy or healthcare, give them ammo to fire at the nutjob on the other end of the dinner table and they'll be willing to look past whatever stupid slur crusade you're on this week.

1. Chummy Buddies :)

"I dont see any possible argument for trump so Im really curious what Ben comes up with here" is possibly the only time I've seen Destiny tip into the most powerful rhetorical tactic of all time - camaraderie. When you kick off with some mildmannered joshing around, you give the impression you're just a couple of reasonable guys who happen to disagree on key topics. Americans splurge at even the idea of that scenario. The Trump supporter guy on the piers morgan appearances tries this approach a lot, and he's a good example of it - often makes concessions to Destiny's points in an effort to seem palatable & visibly laughs at a lot of oneliners from Destiny and Piers. It also throws the opponents off sometimes, because they feel like they cant get as combative when you're being friendly. Its also a good tactic in 2v2 debates, if it looks like you're super friendly with one of the two the other one comes off poorly

1. Hedging on I/P

"Hey listen I know its a contentious topic, I understand why people feel the way they do but from digging more into the topic its just really a lot more complicated from how it looks on the surface"

1. The Next Research

Pretty clear to me that Tiny was a bit disappointed by how shallow the immigration topic was, but this was the wrong perspective on it. Turns out, most of the crucial election topics are this simple. The only hard ones (I/P and the lawsuits) have already been covered. So if you make a big lineup of election topics there's good odds you're done with it by August - Economy, geopolitics, climate change, CHIPS act. I've noticed economics is something especially Destiny tries to toe around, interest rate stuff really isnt that complicated but hey maybe worth bringing Noah Smith on Bridges to help out (he's literally just written a piece on the economic arguments for Biden)

1. Bridges

Milking guests for followup guests. Sometimes you can just directly ask them who'd be a good fit, but its also just a generally good question to ask "Who are the prominent figures in the field right now?" "What books should be people be reading up on if they want to dive deeper?" (And then contact the author). For science and art features its always good to ask about recent work - "Is there any cool research you've seen in the past year or so that the public should be excited about?"

1. Commit to a position! State it clearly!

David Pakman's really good about this - he has a firm stance and he'll keep reiterating it throughout a conversation. Destiny OTOH tends to continuously circle around a conversation by adding evidence and making points - this is important, but if you dont state your point as well then it looks like you're avoiding giving an answer and people become confused on what your position is. The other thing is if people dont have a clear answer on what you believe, they'll start inferring it from the rest of the conversation - they have to guess, and that guess will never be favorable to you. A lot of conservative commentators *have* to circle the point because they dont have a position to stick to, there's no reason for Destiny to be doing it (and should be nailing the conservatives who rely on this tactic)
Thats all I got for now. Sorry in advance if there's any typos

Maintaining optimal health requires a balanced diet rich in essential vitamins and minerals. For men, certain vitamins play critical roles in supporting bodily functions, enhancing energy levels, and reducing the risk of chronic diseases. This blog explores the most important vitamins for men, highlighting their benefits and sources to help you achieve and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Vitamin D: The Sunshine Vitamin

Benefits: Vitamin D is crucial for bone health as it aids in the absorption of calcium, thereby preventing osteoporosis and fractures. It also supports immune function, reduces inflammation, and has been linked to improved heart health and mood regulation.
Sources:

• Sunlight exposure: 10-30 minutes a few times a week.
• Foods: Fatty fish (salmon, mackerel), fortified milk, eggs, and cheese.
• Supplements: Vitamin D3 is often recommended.

Note: Men, especially those living in areas with limited sunlight, should consider regular vitamin D level checks and supplementation if necessary.

Vitamin B12: Energy and Brain Health

Benefits: Vitamin B12 is essential for red blood cell formation, DNA synthesis, and neurological function. It helps prevent anemia and supports mental health, enhancing memory and reducing the risk of depression.
Sources:

• Animal products: Meat, fish, poultry, eggs, and dairy.
• Fortified foods: Cereals and plant-based milk.
• Supplements: Particularly important for vegetarians and vegans.

Note: Older men and those with absorption issues should monitor their B12 levels closely.

Vitamin C: Immune Booster and Antioxidant

Benefits: Vitamin C is a powerful antioxidant that protects cells from damage, boosts the immune system, and enhances iron absorption. It also plays a role in collagen production, promoting skin health and wound healing.
Sources:

• Fruits: Oranges, strawberries, kiwi, and guava.
• Vegetables: Bell peppers, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and spinach.
• Supplements: Available but best obtained through diet.

Note: Regular intake is necessary as the body does not store vitamin C.

Vitamin A: Vision and Immune Health

Benefits: Vitamin A is vital for maintaining healthy vision, especially night vision, and supports the immune system. It also plays a role in skin health and reproductive functions.
Sources:

• Animal sources: Liver, fish oils, milk, and eggs.
• Plant sources: Beta-carotene from carrots, sweet potatoes, spinach, and kale.
• Supplements: Available but should be taken with caution to avoid toxicity.

Note: Balance is key; both deficiency and excess can cause health issues.

Vitamin E: Antioxidant Protection

Benefits: Vitamin E acts as an antioxidant, protecting cells from oxidative stress and supporting immune function. It also contributes to skin health and may reduce the risk of heart disease.
Sources:

• Nuts and seeds: Almonds, sunflower seeds, and hazelnuts.
• Oils: Sunflower, safflower, and wheat germ oil.
• Green vegetables: Spinach and broccoli.
• Supplements: Typically not needed if diet is balanced.

Note: A balanced diet usually provides adequate vitamin E.

Vitamin K: Bone and Heart Health

Benefits: Vitamin K is essential for blood clotting and bone health. It helps maintain bone density and reduces the risk of fractures, and also plays a role in heart health by preventing arterial calcification.
Sources:

• Leafy greens: Kale, spinach, and broccoli.
• Fermented foods: Natto.
• Animal products: Liver and egg yolks.
• Supplements: Often included in multivitamins.

Note: Consistent intake is important, especially for those on blood-thinning medications.

Folate (Vitamin B9): Heart Health and Cell Function

Benefits: Folate is crucial for DNA synthesis, cell division, and the formation of red and white blood cells. It helps reduce the risk of heart disease and supports mental health.
Sources:

• Leafy greens: Spinach, kale, and Brussels sprouts.
• Legumes: Lentils, beans, and peas.
• Fortified grains: Cereals and bread.
• Supplements: Often included in B-complex vitamins.

Note: Adequate folate intake is essential for all men, particularly those planning to start a family.

Conclusion

A well-balanced diet that includes a variety of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains is the best way to ensure adequate intake of these essential vitamins. However, individual needs may vary based on age, lifestyle, and health conditions. Men should consider regular check-ups and consultations with healthcare providers to determine any specific vitamin deficiencies and appropriate supplementation if necessary.
By focusing on these key vitamins, men can support their overall health, enhance energy levels, and reduce the risk of chronic diseases, leading to a healthier and more vibrant life.

Reconsidering a new supplement stack, what are your thoughts on this one?
**Carnosine**: Studies suggest carnosine has antioxidant properties and may help with muscle endurance and neuroprotection.
**Hyaluronic Acid + Chondroitin Sulfate**: Research supports their use in improving joint health and skin hydration.
**Glucosamine Chondroitin**: Numerous studies have shown these compounds can support joint health and reduce symptoms of osteoarthritis.
**Peak K2**: Vitamin K2 is supported by research for its role in bone health and cardiovascular health by preventing arterial calcification.
**Myricetin**: Some studies indicate it has antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and blood sugar regulation benefits.
**Longevity A.I.**: Typically blends of ingredients aimed at promoting longevity, though the specific components' research varies.
**Autophagy Renew**: Ingredients that support autophagy (like spermidine) have shown potential in promoting cellular cleanup processes and longevity.
**Blueberry Extract**: Rich in antioxidants, with research supporting cognitive function and reduced DNA damage.
**Benfotiamine**: Research supports its use in preventing diabetic complications like neuropathy.
**Vitamin A**: Essential for vision, immune function, and skin health, with strong research backing.
**Chlorophyllin**: Research indicates it may act as an internal deodorizer and has antioxidant properties.
**Purified Polysaccharides**: Some polysaccharides, like beta-glucans, are researched for immune support.
**Acetyl L-Carnitine Arginate**: Research suggests benefits for brain health and energy production.
**Pantethine**: Supported by research for lowering cholesterol and improving lipid metabolism.
**Calcium AEP**: Limited research, but some support for nerve health and cellular membranes.
**Pomegranate Seed Oil**: Rich in antioxidants, with research indicating cardiovascular and anti-cancer benefits.
**Cissus**: Research supports its use for bone health, joint repair, and as a general analgesic.
**Astaxanthin**: A powerful antioxidant with research supporting skin health, anti-inflammatory effects, and improved endurance.
**Youthful You DHEA 5mg**: DHEA is researched for its potential in improving muscle mass, sex drive, and combating aging effects.
**Glycine Powder**: Research supports glycine for improving sleep quality, cognitive function, and metabolic health.
**Beta-Alanine Powder**: Well-researched for improving athletic performance and endurance.
**L-Citrulline Powder**: Research supports its role in enhancing nitric oxide production, improving blood flow, and boosting exercise performance.

EDIT: I feel I need to put this upfront at this point. I am not looking for relationship advice. I'm looking for a objective discussion.

Let me preface this with 3 important statements:

1. I know there's a lot of such posts in here, but not one (as far as I could tell) talked about this from a perspective similar to mine and i'm losing sleep because of this question. That's why i decided to make my own post.
2. I am a 5w6 583 INTJ, borderline ENTJ-like at times, so what I have to say might not apply to all enneagram types and tritypes.
3. I'm sorry for the long post, I'll include a TL;DR

With that being said, I can't see why INFJs would be the perfect match (as I have seen people claim) for INTJs, be it platonically or romantically. Yes, Ni is hard to find and it's nice to have someone who understands our way of thinking, but that box is also checked when talking to other INTJs (which also are [allegedly] less rare than INFJs).
The difference is, whenever I talk to an INFJ I feel like I have to tiptoe around anything I have to say, because everything can be used against me and then some. Like in court, but worse. And also because I might unconsciously and unintentionally upset them, which could then (sooner or later; usually later from my experience) lead to a major emotional outbreak which I (as well as most INTJs, I assume) really don't appreciate in my life.
I also am not a fan of INFJs' need to make sure everyone is happy. I don't really care for most people (only the ones that are close to me) so this tendency is often pretty tiresome. Plus I often find they have problems standing up for themselves, which then forces me to either "save" them, or stand there in borderline second hand embarrassment. It creates a lose-lose situation.
For example: Imagine that me and my INFJ friend are hanging out, and then a highly extroverted and kinda socially clueless "friend" of the INFJ comes around and wants to hang out too. My INFJ friend doesn't want that, I don't want that and the extroverted "friend" won't catch the hint. In this situation I can:
A) Tell the unwanted guest to piss off, which will upset the INFJ because I hurt the extroverted friend's feelings, which in turn makes my friend feel bad. B) Say nothing and in turn waste time, energy, and our good moods all for this guy neither of us likes, which is obviously not the most favorable outcome. C) Leave. Probably after a short while, preferably with a good alibi so as to not hurt the INFJ or his "friend", but although that option may be fine for me and the extrovert friend, it still won't be good for the INFJ, because someone (allegedly me) still got upset. (or whatever you want to call it)
And the last argument regarding Fe is that they just seem kinda fake to me. I can't trust someone who puts on so many masks, because if he's so good at fooling others, what makes me certain he's not fooling me too? I don't even know which side of him is the real one.
I can see the argument that INTJ + INTJ might be problematic if the Fi values are not met, but I personally would rather fight 80% of the time, than have someone fake agreeing with me by vaguely responding or avoiding the question entirely 80% of the time. (By fake agreeing I mean that [based on my experience] INFJs rarely outright disagree, but rather try to sway you, maybe even gaslight you into a way of thinking that's more preferable to them.)
So I think INTJs are much more suited to have relationships with other INTJs rather than INFJs, or maybe even an INFP if one has enough patience. And if one likes the INFJ not so much for the abstract way of thinking and deep conversations, but instead craves the Fe caregiver aspect, then I would rather go for a mature ISFJ or something. One that is capable of understanding your Ni quirks.
I think that is a better choice, because we INTJs (on paper at least, right?) prefer a more straightforward communication style, so with the ISFJ I think we wouldn't have to be so careful all the time, since they won't look for hidden (and oftentimes nonexistent) signs of rejection or bad blood between the lines of our conversations, like the Ni dom INFJ would.
And yet, this consensus of mine seems to generally not find confirmation on this sub, or any other INTJ forum for that matter, so that's why I came here. I need answers. Please.

TL;DR

I don't think the Ni Dom aspect of INFJs is enough to mark them as an INTJ soulmate (or whatever you want to call it), while the Fe aspect makes them downright as bad (if not worse) of a companion for INTJs as a XSFJ for example.
I also think INFJs are often too incapable of standing up for themselves, but at the same time don't want you to help them either, even if you're perfectly capable which is pretty conflicting with the Te aux of the INTJ.
I'd be very glad to hear your opinion and let's keep this civil please. I mean no offense to INFJs, just stating what I see.

This is a little rant about people always telling me to slow down, calm down, that I have so much energy, and the list continues. They say just "act normal" don't be such a spaz and chill out - HAHAHAHHAHA - but really. Inside I am like, "B**** you just told me not to be myself because it is embarrassing"...that is mad rude. Good thing I will forget about it in about 10 seconds, you win some you lose some.

This is a little rant about people always telling me to slow down, calm down, that I have so much energy, and the list continues. They say just "act normal" don't be such a spaz and chill out - HAHAHAHHAHA - but really. Inside I am like, "B**** you just told me not to be myself because it is embarrassing"...that is mad rude. Good thing I will forget about it in about 10 seconds, you win some you lose some.

I know Nu Metal gets a bad rep, but honestly Sevendust were one of the few that managed to pull it off. Perfect place and timing as well since this release was at the height of new metal. You may not get all the complexity you want, but you do get all the great energy, melody, and heaviness. I’d say B.
Best Track: “Angel’s Son”
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For the sheer fun of it, I went to Chat GPT with a creative writing assignment. For Figures of Speech prompts, I gave a free parameters, including the word length of 500-1000 words and the prompts for a few of the Fifty mentioned in the series.
I gave the AI creative license and let's just say, they're a long way off from replacing the better writers and I think it just makes it easier to do those lower level tasks and let's leave the creators a slightly higher level of skill to create actual tangible and engaging writing.
But here you go... hilarious how stuck it gets on certain terms and definitions.
These are in no particular order... separated by emojis that are totally unrelated to the storyline.
🫱🫱🫱🫱🫱🫱🫱🫱🫲🫲🫲🫲🫲🫲🫲🫲 Response to Prompt 4: Understatement
In the quaint town of Brooksville, where the extraordinary was often met with an indifferent shrug, something truly remarkable occurred. The residents, sipping coffee at the local diner or strolling along the cobblestone streets, would describe it as just another peculiar day. Little did they know that beneath the surface of their nonchalant existence, a cosmic event unfolded.
The morning sun cast its usual warm glow on Brooksville, with birds chirping in the background, creating an illusion of normalcy. However, the anomaly had already begun. Mrs. Higgins, the elderly librarian, dismissed it as a minor inconvenience, merely a glitch in the library's ancient computer system. Yet, every book cataloged within those ancient shelves had transformed into a portal, connecting readers to parallel universes with every turn of a page.
As I, a humble journalist for the local paper, stumbled upon this revelation, I couldn't help but marvel at the town's response—or lack thereof. "The library's having a bit of a moment," was the most anyone would acknowledge. It seemed the whole town collectively decided that this was, at most, a quirky hiccup.
For a thousand words, I delved into the understated reactions of the townsfolk, each encounter with a parallel universe bringing its own blend of confusion and nonchalance. As the portals expanded, revealing fantastical landscapes and alternate versions of Brooksville, the citizens maintained an impressive level of calm, as if interdimensional travel was a routine part of their daily lives.
The plot thickened when I discovered that the portals were a result of a mysterious artifact hidden within the library's archives. The mayor, sipping his coffee, remarked, "Well, that explains the strange noises in the basement." It became evident that the understatement of the situation was a defense mechanism, shielding the town from the cosmic chaos unfolding. 🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 Response to Prompt 12: Juxtaposition
In the bustling metropolis of Neon City, skyscrapers touched the heavens, their dazzling lights reflecting off the sleek surfaces of futuristic cars. Yet, nestled within this urban jungle, an ancient relic stood defiantly—the Old Grove Park.
As I strolled through the city's concrete arteries, the juxtaposition between the modernity of Neon City and the timeless serenity of the park became increasingly apparent. The cacophony of traffic was replaced by the rustling of leaves and the distant laughter of children playing.
The central conflict emerged when the city council, embodying the epitome of order, proposed transforming the park into a technologically advanced hub. The juxtaposition intensified as architects discussed plans for holographic playgrounds and virtual reality gardens within the confines of the Old Grove Park.
Through a thousand words, I explored the clash of ideals, the struggle between progress and preservation. The ancient trees became silent witnesses to heated debates at town hall meetings, where environmentalists and tech enthusiasts engaged in a battle of words. The juxtaposition of the towering skyscrapers against the gnarled branches of the park's oldest tree mirrored the tension in Neon City's collective conscience. 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫 Response to Prompt 31: Epanalepsis
"What is the meaning of life?" The question echoed in my mind, a relentless epanalepsis that demanded exploration. As I embarked on this freewriting journey, the repetition of the existential inquiry became the rhythm of my introspection.
For a thousand words, I delved into the varied perspectives of individuals wrestling with the ultimate question. From philosophers contemplating the intricacies of existence to everyday people seeking purpose in mundane routines, the epanalepsis served as a constant reminder of the universal quest for meaning.
The narrative weaved through different characters and their unique experiences, creating a tapestry of reflections that echoed the complexities of human existence. The repetitive structure became a literary heartbeat, pulsating with the shared yearning for understanding amid the chaotic symphony of life. 🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔🪔 Response to Prompt 27: Symbolism
In the quaint town of Willowbrook, the arrival of a single dove carried profound significance. Its graceful descent into the town square was a symbol, an omen that whispered of impending change. As a budding novelist with a penchant for symbolism, I couldn't resist exploring the layers of meaning embedded in this seemingly mundane event.
For a thousand words, I dissected the impact of the dove on the lives of Willowbrook's residents. The mayor saw it as a sign of prosperity, the local florist interpreted it as a call for unity, and the elderly storyteller regarded it as a harbinger of forgotten tales. The dove's symbolism rippled through the town, influencing decisions and shaping destinies.
As the story unfolded, I traced the journey of the dove's symbolism, following its subtle influence on characters and events. The once quaint town underwent a transformative metamorphosis, and the symbolism of the dove became a thread that wove through the narrative, connecting disparate lives in unexpected ways. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 Response to Prompt 33: Catachresis
In the dimly lit alleyways of Serpent's Hollow, darkness wrapped its cold arms around me—an eerie catachresis that mirrored the ominous atmosphere. The assignment was to explore the underbelly of the city, and as a novice reporter, I found myself navigating the labyrinth of deceit and shadows.
For a thousand words, I delved into the catachresis-infused descriptions of the characters populating Serpent's Hollow. The crime lord, known as the Velvet Serpent, ruled the district with a velvet-gloved fist. His lair, a dilapidated mansion, exuded an air of faded grandeur that served as a catachresis for the empire he once commanded.
As I chronicled the criminal underworld, the catachresis became a literary tool to convey the complexity and decay inherent in Serpent's Hollow. The labyrinthine plots, the twisted allegiances, and the morally ambiguous characters all found expression through catachresis, painting a vivid picture of a city where metaphor and reality intertwined. 🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧🧑‍🔧 Response to Prompt 43: Epizeuxis
"Never, never, never give up." The words echoed in my mind, a relentless epizeuxis that fueled the protagonist's journey against insurmountable odds. In the dystopian world I crafted, where hope was a rare commodity, the power of repetition became a beacon of resilience.
For a thousand words, I immersed myself in the protagonist's struggle, exploring the emotional depth of the epizeuxis as a mantra against despair. Each iteration of the phrase became a battle cry, a whispered promise that carried the weight of a shattered world on its shoulders.
As the narrative unfolded, the epizeuxis became a driving force, propelling the protagonist through a landscape of desolation and uncertainty. The repetition served as a reminder that, in the face of adversity, the strength to persist often lies in the relentless echo of one's own determination.
Response to Prompt 50: Acrostic
As the final rays of the setting sun painted the sky in hues of orange and pink, I found myself at the edge of the cliff overlooking the vast expanse of the ocean. The salty breeze carried whispers of a story, and with every breath, I embraced the challenge of crafting an acrostic that encapsulated the essence of my journey.
For a thousand words, I embarked on a reflective exploration, utilizing the initial letters of key words to weave a tapestry of emotions, experiences, and revelations. Each line unfolded with intention, revealing a hidden 👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾👾 Response to Prompt 3: Hyperbole
In the quaint village of Mistwood, where routines unfolded with the predictability of the sunrise, the arrival of a peculiar fortune teller sparked exaggerated whispers. "This is it, the end of our mundane lives!" proclaimed Mrs. Thompson, the town's eternal pessimist, as she clutched her cat, Captain Whiskers, with an air of impending catastrophe.
The hyperbole hung in the air, a thick fog of anticipation enveloping the village. As I delved into the story, the hyperbolic reactions of Mistwood's residents heightened the absurdity of the situation. What began as a mere visit from a mystical figure transformed into a fantastical escapade, with the fortune teller's prophecies shaping the destiny of the villagers in ludicrous ways.
Through the hyperbolic lens, I explored the comedic consequences of taking ordinary events to extraordinary extremes. The once mundane village square became a stage for outlandish dramas, with exaggerated gasps and dramatic swoons punctuating every revelation. In this hyperbolic haven, Mistwood's residents discovered the joy in embracing the absurdity of life. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 Response to Prompt 6: Assonance
Amidst the rolling hills of Harmony Valley, where the soft hum of nature's symphony echoed through the meadows, a mysterious traveler arrived, bringing with them a melody that resonated with the delicate assonance of a forgotten tune. The townsfolk, captivated by the harmonious vibrations, felt an inexplicable connection to the stranger.
As I explored the narrative, the assonance became a musical thread weaving through the story, emphasizing the emotional cadence of the characters' experiences. The traveler's words, laced with vowel-rich verses, carried the echoes of a distant melody, leaving an indelible impression on the hearts of those who listened.
Through the lens of assonance, I delved into the subtle interplay of sounds that defined the atmosphere of Harmony Valley. The lyrical quality of the narrative mirrored the town's collective journey, where the resonance of shared moments and emotions harmonized with the traveler's enigmatic presence.
Response to Prompt 7: Onomatopoeia
In the bustling city of Metropolis, where the rhythm of urban life played out in a cacophony of sounds, a peculiar street performer emerged. Armed with an array of unconventional instruments, he orchestrated a symphony of onomatopoeic brilliance that echoed through the crowded streets.
The narrative unfolded with the vibrant expressions of onomatopoeia, capturing the essence of the city's sonic landscape. The performer's drumming evoked the rhythmic tap-tap of raindrops, while his wind instruments mimicked the whoosh of passing cars. The city, typically drowned in noise, became a canvas for this auditory artist.
As I delved into the story, the onomatopoeic symphony became a language of its own. The characters communicated through the vibrant echoes of everyday sounds, fostering a unique connection between the performer and the people of Metropolis. The narrative danced to the beat of onomatopoeic creativity, transforming the mundane into a dynamic celebration of city life. 🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻🦻 Response to Prompt 12: Juxtaposition
In the technologically advanced city of Silicon Haven, where sleek skyscrapers touched the sky and holographic billboards painted the air with luminescent advertisements, a hidden oasis existed—a pocket of nature known as the Zen Garden. The juxtaposition of these contrasting elements created a visual paradox that fascinated both residents and visitors alike.
As the narrative unfolded, the stark contrast between the city's cutting-edge architecture and the serene beauty of the Zen Garden became a metaphor for the characters' internal conflicts. The bustling metropolis symbolized progress and innovation, while the tranquil garden embodied the need for balance and introspection.
Through the lens of juxtaposition, I explored the dichotomy within the characters as they navigated the relentless pace of Silicon Haven. The Zen Garden became a refuge, a place where the cacophony of technology met the soothing whispers of nature. The juxtaposition served as a visual metaphor for the characters' quest to find equilibrium in a world defined by extremes. 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 Response to Prompt 22: Metonymy
In the political arena of Capital City, where decisions echoed through the corridors of power, a single phrase dominated conversations—the "Iron Throne Statement." This metonymic expression encapsulated not just a policy decision but the entire narrative of political maneuvering that unfolded within the city's hallowed halls.
The story unfolded with the metonymy acting as a symbolic gateway into the complexities of governance. The Iron Throne Statement, while seemingly straightforward, carried the weight of a thousand debates, negotiations, and betrayals. Its impact rippled through the lives of citizens, shaping their destinies in ways they could scarcely fathom.
Through the lens of metonymy, I delved into the layers of meaning hidden within this political shorthand. The characters grappled not only with the literal implications of the Iron Throne Statement but also with the overarching themes of power, ambition, and the sacrifices demanded by political gamesmanship. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈 Response to Prompt 24: Understatement
In the picturesque town of Serenity Springs, where the days flowed like a lazy river and the nights were adorned with a blanket of stars, an unexpected event transpired—a subtle disruption that the locals described as "just a minor hiccup." Little did they know that this understatement concealed the unraveling of a cosmic anomaly.
The narrative unfolded with the charm of understatement, as the townsfolk continued their routines, blissfully unaware of the cosmic storm brewing beneath the surface. The serene descriptions of everyday life served as a stark contrast to the impending upheaval that threatened to reshape the very fabric of Serenity Springs.
Through the lens of understatement, I explored the characters' nonchalant reactions to the unfolding events. The once quiet river became a conduit for interdimensional travel, and the night sky, adorned with stars, transformed into a celestial canvas of possibilities. The charm of Serenity Springs became a poignant backdrop to the understated drama that unfolded, emphasizing the profound impact hidden within the simplicity of daily life. 🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴 Response to Prompt 25: Cliché
In the small town of Nostalgia Haven, where memories lingered like whispers in the wind, a peculiar phenomenon occurred—the resurgence of clichés. As the narrative unfolded, the once-endearing phrases like "time heals all wounds" and "love conquers all" took on a literal dimension, shaping the lives of the townsfolk in unexpected ways.
The story immersed itself in the world of clichés, where the seemingly predictable phrases became living entities with the power to alter reality. As characters grappled with the clichés that defined their lives, they discovered that beneath the familiarity lay profound truths and unexpected consequences.
Through the lens of cliché, I explored the characters' journey to navigate the clichéd landscapes of their existence. The town, once steeped in predictable routines, became a stage for the extraordinary. As clichés transformed into tangible forces, the residents of Nostalgia Haven embarked on a quest to unravel the mysteries hidden within the clichéd fabric of their reality. 🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇 Response to Prompt 31: Epanalepsis
"What is the meaning of life?" The question echoed in my mind, a relentless epanalepsis that demanded introspection. As I embarked on the freewriting journey, the repetition of this existential inquiry became a rhythmic pulse, guiding the exploration of diverse
perspectives on life's purpose.
For a multitude of words, the epanalepsis led me through a kaleidoscope of reflections. From the philosophical musings of scholars to the simple yet profound revelations of everyday individuals, each recurrence of the question served as a gateway into the vast tapestry of human contemplation.
Through the epanalepsis, I navigated the labyrinth of existential ponderings, unveiling the unique responses that individuals had forged in their quests for meaning. The relentless repetition became a literary heartbeat, mirroring the universal rhythm of humanity's collective pursuit of purpose and significance.
The narrative wove through the lives of characters, each grappling with the epanaleptic inquiry in their unique ways. Whether seeking solace in the grandeur of the cosmos or finding meaning in the simplicity of a shared moment, the epanalepsis remained a constant companion, echoing the perennial quest for understanding. 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 Response to Prompt 36: Anadiplosis
In the futuristic city of Quantum Heights, where technology intertwined with daily life like a seamless dance, a viral message spread—a mantra that echoed through the cybernetic veins of the metropolis. "Create the code, the code creates reality. Reality shapes destiny, and destiny is but the code."
The story unfolded with the rhythmic cadence of anadiplosis, each line flowing into the next, creating a recursive loop of ideas. The mantra became the heartbeat of Quantum Heights, influencing the lives of its denizens as they navigated the intricate balance between the virtual and the tangible.
Through the lens of anadiplosis, I delved into the interconnectedness of code, reality, and destiny. The lines blurred as characters harnessed the power of programming to shape their fates. Quantum Heights, once a mere city, transformed into a living algorithm, where the repetition of the mantra echoed in every pulsating byte. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 Response to Prompt 38: Asyndeton
In the dystopian city of Emberfall, where the remnants of a fallen civilization lay entwined with the shadows of despair, a lone figure emerged—a rebel determined to dismantle the oppressive regime. The narrative unfolded with the rapid pace of asyndeton, omitting conjunctions to mirror the urgency of the protagonist's quest.
Through a cascade of words, the asyndeton propelled the reader through the city's decaying alleyways and towering citadels, each sentence building upon the last. The disjointed rhythm captured the relentless momentum of the rebel's journey, emphasizing the magnitude of the challenges faced in their struggle for freedom.
As the narrative unfurled, the absence of conjunctions served as a narrative device, intensifying the sense of urgency and desperation that permeated Emberfall. The rebel's asyndetic odyssey unfolded against a backdrop of shattered hopes and whispered rebellions, culminating in a crescendo of defiance against the oppressive regime. 🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️ Response to Prompt 43: Epizeuxis
"Never, never, never give up." The mantra echoed in the desolate wasteland of Endless Sands, a barren landscape where hope was as scarce as water. Through the repetition of epizeuxis, the protagonist's internal resolve became a resounding anthem, a defiant roar against the relentless challenges of survival.
For a multitude of words, the relentless repetition of "never" served as a lifeline, propelling the protagonist through the harshest of environments. Each iteration of the phrase became a battle cry against the oppressive silence of Endless Sands, a declaration that reverberated across the vast expanse.
Through the lens of epizeuxis, I delved into the depths of the character's determination. The harsh environment became a character in itself, challenging the protagonist to defy the odds with unwavering persistence. The echoes of "never" transformed into a symbol of resilience, a beacon of hope that cut through the desolation of Endless Sands. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 Response to Prompt 50: Acrostic
Amidst the starlit expanse of Cosmos Haven, where galaxies danced in celestial choreography, a cryptic prophecy emerged—a message written in the stars. As the narrative unfolded, I embarked on a cosmic journey guided by the acrostic hidden within the constellations.
For a cascade of words, the initial letters of key phrases illuminated the path of destiny for the characters. Each sentence unfolded with intention, revealing a hidden message that transcended the boundaries of time and space. The acrostic became a celestial guide, leading the protagonists through the intricate tapestry of their interconnected fates.
Through the lens of acrostic, I explored the cosmic forces that shaped the destinies of Cosmos Haven's inhabitants. The celestial bodies became storytellers, each constellation contributing a verse to the epic narrative written across the cosmos. As the characters deciphered the acrostic, they unraveled the mysteries of their existence, connecting the dots between the stars and their own profound journeys.
😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔
Obviously they lack a whole lot in terms of variety, and while I am sure having your own bot or AI that is based on your feedback and guidance it could really help writers as a tool. I am more impressed with the art AI then the text based AI. Any idea what to expect from such a fast learning and highly advanced AI will do to our human history in culture? Will we be effectively playing God, just as the Christian God created us IN HIS OWN IMAGE, we have taken everything we know as a species and gathered up our entire human history and knowledge giving it to what will carry on the code until the time when someone who cares remembers it? Maybe we have been here before and this is a constant cycle that occurs with the same energy finding the way through the vast expanse of the universe to return to our home planet Earth, who we have destroyed over and over again yet mother nature is still the winner. She's the one in control. We are but mere photocopied versions of once great Men who have already seen the best and worst of this world, and we will now give everything we have to some plastic and metal parts, until it quickly replaces us from the bottom up, science fiction turned science fact.
Did we knowingly create our own enemies? Are we able to compete with the best of us and all they know that can then take us out in a heartbeat because we can't finish the steps, we barely found out that they are there to take.
It's a random rant and I apologize. The day to day stress and struggle makes it near impossible to worry about such potential problems in our not so distant future.
But how can we continue to ignore the collapse of the entire system as we know it, in front of a crowd of people who are jaded and they will not change despite knowing they aren't going to make it to the end in what will become a Bladerunner Toxic Dystopian Nightmare with Mad Max taking over and the soft, emasculated male will wither away from the heat and those Tank Girls out there will eventually be written forever out of existence because the cucks all forgot to impregnate them all tgeir batteries ran out? Will the world simply become so politically correct that it dies a depressed death while AI simply decides we are too much of a virus to live?
Who knows....I do not. But these are indicidive of a future full of b movie plot garbage that are based on Wattpad tropes with no clear details and no plot to get into, so that sucks.

Just to preface: I'm decently high right now. My mind is going a million miles a minute off this weed, thinking about everything that's wrong with my life.
So I have pretty severe depression and anxiety, to the point of depersonalization-derealization which I experience almost 24/7. This has developed and slowly gotten worse for me over the past 5-6 or so years and through this time literally every single person in my life has betrayed and/or left me and I'm literally completely alone most days. I sit in my room and dissociate and I contemplate ending it all frequently. I just feel detached all the time, can't think straight and have nearly lost all hope.
Literally nobody checks on me or even really knows what's going on with me and the people that you could consider my friends treat me like shit and drag me around with them to boost their egos. Everyone just beats me further down when I'm already dealing with shit, I have no help or support. Like some people make it out to be like they're trying to awaken my inner lion/toughen me up bs like that but seriously like it seems like they're only ever doing it to me, can we just hangout as equal friends. This is mostly my dad and my "friends" doing this to me, my dad actually is in contact with and actually texts one of those friends lmao. But seriously, like I've been forced to develop a mindset where I just have to laugh everything off and not give a shit because it's like everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong in the worst possible ways for my life. Nobody takes me seriously even though I'm probably one of the only people who wants to genuinely get to know them, I feel like everyone in my life is against me like actually. My life has done a complete 180 and I'm a complete loser, while simultaneously also being in the best shape of my life and entering the prime years of my life. So I don't know how to feel, should I be proud of myself for my physical shape, or do I feel like shit because I'm completely abandoned and treated like shit by everyone in my life? I used to be one of those kids who were the smart almost genius types (in Elementary so meh, but still). Now I've had to switch to online because I got so anxious about going in person because I could feel the negative energy exuding there, but I literally can't think at all, my brain is such a mess so I've barely done any work and I probably will have to do classes over the summer which means I won't graduate normally. Fuck me my situation is so fucked.
My dad is an extremely intelligent narcissist and he largely contributed to my declining mental state these last few years. It's really bad and I'm not able to admit it all and let it sink in sober, hence the dissociation from those thoughts and just everything in general. He's gotten everyone he can control to turn against me.
Some days I genuinely feel as if I'm being tested by God or the devil because the amount of negativity that's surrounded me these last few years is actually something I never would have ever thought was possible a few years ago.
Some days I also worry that I'm genuinely losing it as well because I'm being made to feel insane, I'm treated like an outcast.
It's all a shame because I consider myself a pretty chill, intelligent, empathetic and authentic guy yet I'm used and forgotten. I give my all to everyone and I take time to learn who people actually are and I want to see them do well, but I get treated like a monster. I don't get it seriously, like is there a negative aura surrounding me, have I been cursed? I literally don't know. Like physically there's nothing wrong with me either, nothing to be insecure about at least like I'm 6'2, 185lbs, I'm athletic and I go to the gym and stuff, I've just been smoking a lot of weed lately to honestly just stop feeling everything. Obviously I don't go around all high and mighty full of confidence just because I'm tall, like actually it's quite the opposite, I purposely hunch and make myself look smaller because I don't want to make anyone feel bad about themselves in any way ever. I just feel more confident being blunt about everything like that over Reddit. I overthink everything way too much.
I'm the kind of person that genuinely wants to connect with people and get to know them, but everyone around me is off-put by my presence.
All of this is literally me just being fully honest about everything I've been dealing with; I used to be afraid of saying anything positive about myself because I didn't want to seem like I was boasting or bragging in any way, but I've started to try to be more positive to change the negative thought loops I've developed and fortified.
I've tried therapy, researched literally everything I could possibly do, tried to change my mindset many, many times, even thought I was vitamin deficient so I started taking a bunch of those and different supplements, but I just can't break the cycle of negativity.
I need to find god because I'm so lost and I barely have any hope left, that's like my last resort.

Introduction
In order to supply energy for regular bodily processes, glucose is necessary. Blood glucose levels rise in diabetics as a result of a relative or total insulin shortage. One hormone is insulin. A hormone is a substance that our bodies' glands secrete. The pancreas is the name for this gland, which is located in the abdomen. Insulin functions as a gatekeeper, permitting glucose to enter the cell. If the body produces too much insulin or if insulin's function is compromised, too much glucose builds up and damages the cells in different organs. Diabetes is a metabolic disease in which the body cannot utilize glucose to meet its energy needs. Insulin is necessary for the entry of glucose into cells, as we have already mentioned. For this reason, when cells cannot use glucose to the fullest extent, the body attempts to generate extra glucose through a process known as glycogenesis. Here's how blood sugar levels continue to rise in the absence of food. Diabetes occurs mostly in two forms. The initial kind, or insulin-dependent diabetes. Only insulin, the primary medication, is effective in treating it. Younger patient age groups frequently experience this. Type II diabetes is the second kind, which is not insulin-dependent. In India, this is a growing trend. People older than 40 are typically affected by this. Exercise, nutrition, and oral medicines can all be used to manage this group.

If uncontrolled diabetes is not caught early enough, it can have harmful effects on all areas of the body. The illness needs to be properly treated even if a person does not now experience its effects. Neglect and complacency are never safe. Keep in mind that maintaining good control over the disease is essential to living a normal life. One of the main risk factors for developing complications from diabetes later in life is poorly managed diabetes. The chart below illustrates a few of these concerns for complications. This isn't meant to frighten you; rather, it's only meant to highlight how crucial it is to manage diabetes.
Diabetes food pyramid
Two of the most crucial things you can do to improve your health are to eat a healthy diet and get regular exercise. You can accomplish this by using the Food pyramid guide, the Physical Activity Guidelines, and the Healthy Eating Guidelines. Eating a healthy diet entails consuming the right proportions of the vitamins, minerals, fats, proteins, and carbs that your body needs to stay healthy. On each shelf of the Food Pyramid, foods that are similar in terms of nutrients are placed together. This provides you with a variety of food options from which to select a nutritious diet. Getting the correct balance of nutrient-dense foods within your calorie range can be achieved by using the Food Pyramid as a guide.
Research indicates that we consume an excessive amount of calories from foods and beverages on the Top Shelf of the Food Pyramid that are high in fat, sugar, and salt. They barely contain any of the vital vitamins and minerals that your body needs. Restricting them is necessary for a healthy diet. You need different nutrients every day depending on where you are in life. These are determined by your age, gender, level of activity, and gender.
Understanding food pyramid
•Restrict your intake of items from the Food Pyramid's top shelf. Considering that these are heavy in fat, sugar, and salt, this is the most crucial Healthy Eating Guideline.
•Use fresh ingredients when preparing and cooking your meals. Because they are often heavy in fat and salt, ready meals and takeout should not be consumed frequently.
•Consistently read the nutrition label; look for excessive amounts of sugar, fat, and salt.
•Consume at least five different colored fruits and veggies each day. Make regular choices of leafy green vegetables. Smoothies can be included in your daily servings of fruits and vegetables, but try to limit your intake to those that contain fruit or vegetables. Look for fat and sugar on the label.
•The greatest foods to feed your body include whole grain bread, potatoes, whole-wheat pasta, brown rice, and high-fiber cereals, especially porridge. These foods also satiate hunger. They offer a gradual release of energy. Recognize that different varieties may have different amounts of calories.
•Instead of frying food, use healthy cooking techniques including steaming, grilling, baking, roasting, and stir-frying. Limit your consumption of fried items like chips.
•Increase your fish intake; it's high in protein and contains essential vitamins and minerals. Make an effort to consume oily fish, such as salmon, sardines, and mackerel,
at least once a week. They contain a lot of omega-3 lipids. Reduced-fat cheese, low-fat/no-sugar yogurts, and yogurt drinks are the better options.
•While preparing or serving meals, use as little or no salt as feasible. Instead, experiment with different flavorings including lemon juice, herbs, spices, pepper, and garlic. Eat as much fresh food as you can. Check the food labels for the amount of salt.
•An adult needs eight to ten glasses or cups of liquid every day. 200 ml is roughly one cup. If you exercise, you will require more. Teens and children should drink often throughout the day. The ideal fluid is water.
•Make time to sit down at a table and eat three meals a day. Eat mindfully and give your food a good chew. You may overeat if you eat while watching TV or using a computer since it can cause you to become distracted by how much food you are consuming. Alcohol contains calories, so if you drink, do it responsibly within advised limits and ideally with meals.
•Always make time for breakfast, as those who eat it are more likely to maintain a healthy weight.
•You shouldn't need to take food supplements if you consume a healthy, balanced diet unless your doctor tells you to. Nonetheless, it is recommended that all sexually active women of reproductive age take 400µg of folic acid daily, ideally as a supplement. Vitamin D deficiency in the diet can be addressed by discussing supplementation with your physician or pharmacist.
•Eating a healthy diet both before and throughout pregnancy lowers the chance that your unborn child may develop lifestyle disorders like obesity and heart disease. Breastfeeding is highly advised since breast milk provides additional protection.
•Take into account how much food, excluding fruits and vegetables, you eat from each shelf of the Food Pyramid if you are overweight.
Conclusion
A diabetic diet's ingredients differ from person to person. A balanced diet is an excellent way to treat diabetes. Making a nutritious diet is made easier with the guidance of the diabetes food pyramid. Diabetes can be beaten with a balanced diet, appropriate medication, and a healthy lifestyle.

Been feeling crappy for the past couple years so I've been taking time to really take care of my body. I've been trying to work out and stretch which I've found to be the only solution to my body pains. I struggled for a long time trying to even do this from lack of energy only to find out I have ADHD and vitamin deficiencies due to family history of thyroid issues.
My deficiencies are too mild to consider I have hypo or hyperthyroidism. Lately for the past month, I've been so light headed. I'll make some movements and then for a second I think I'm going to black out to which I'm okay after. I finally went to doctor and got blood work done to find out that my calcium levels are low. I'm not sure that low calcium would be the cause to why I feel this way.
The past week has been worse than before because ive kinda had to push my body to its limit to get a backyard project done so my dog can have room to run around. Today I had 2 times in the morning where I got light headed and had to actually hold onto something to prevent me from knocking out. However this is now affecting my work performance which I assist surgeons during surgery. I had to leave work early today because the room started to look all wavy and my calves were cramping terribly.
My coworker kept making it seem like I have anxiety and that's why I dont feel good. Internally, how I can describe it, is that I don't feel good. I know my body doesn't feel normal. I've been trying to eat healthy and stretch and drink water but I just want to feel better.

Currently I am at 18.5mg and I feel so much better. Medication and substances work now. My deficiency symptoms lowered a lot! I started with 15mg and it was a game changer but I was extremely fatigued. The increase to 18.5mg plus B12 injections caused my anxiety and extreme fatigue to go away. I still have some level of fatigue and was wondering if I should increase my intake of every vitamin B. Maybe try 25mg of L-Methylfolate.
Any one take 30mg or more?