Walking speed dating

Tl:dr: As a man, I have gotten shamed for my sexual performance or my organ when what I am being shamed for is not in their control. Both men and women deserve to be treated kindly and respectfully during sex, whether it's during the first few dates or during an ONS.
As a man, I have had first-hand experiences with women on dates objectifying me and shaming me for any of the following:

1. Erection issues
2. Coming too fast

Thankfully, I haven't shamed for a small one yet, possibly because I have an average-sized one. But I can imagine the shaming would extend if I had it smaller.
I have had women say “really??” and then wear their pants and walk out in rage or disdain as if I intentionally did something to hurt or offend them. Women may think it’s selfish of me when I am not getting it up or coming too fast. But I wish they understood that we don’t control our organ at will. It's not a switch that I can press.
Why would I want to come too fast or not get it up? Of course, men are trying to please the woman and to please themselves but failing.
Before you say, “learn to please them differently”, let me tell you I would love to. But in my experiences, women don’t even give me a chance for that. They’re just too disappointed with my ED or PE, and make a face and leave, without any conversation. It feels very hurtful, and degrading and I feel like an object.
Before you say, "you may have lifestyle issues", I actually am averagely lean at 17% body fat, work out 2-3 days a week, and get 8k steps and 7 hours of sleep. I only drink socially 1x a week and don't smoke weed or cigarettes.
Before you say, "get to know the person and get some experience", I don't understand how am I supposed to get experience if women walk out of the door because of a poor first time sexual experience?
I am sure a woman would consider it rude af if I got up and left in a rush right after sex or said demeaning things to her. Even if it’s a ONS, men and women deserve to be treated respectfully, gracefully and with empathy.
How do I get over shaming of my body, sexual experience, and abilities?

I genuinely think I am going insane. In August 2023, I upgraded my PC from the AM4 platform to the AM5 platform. To provide a comprehensive overview, I will share the PcPartPicker lists for both PCs, along with the detailed specs here.
New: Ryzen 9 7900X3D (PBO enabled) EVGA 3080 Ti FTW3 Asus X670E Crosshair Extreme G.Skill 32GB (2 x 16) 7600mhz CAS36 Trident Z5 2TB Crucial T700 1TB Corsair MP600 Corsair AIO H170i 420mm Corsair 7000D case Corsair HX1500i PSU (ATX 3.0/PCie 5.0) (1500 W)
Old: Ryzen 7 5800X (Overclocked to 4.8 GHz, stable) EVGA 3080 Ti FTW3 MSI X570 Gaming Pro Carbon WI-FI G.Skill 32GB (2 x 16) 4000mhz CAS18 Trident Z 1TB Corsair MP600 2TB Seagate Barracuda HDD MSI AIO MPG CORELIQUID V2 360mm Corsair 7000D case Corsair RM 850x PSU (850 W)
Ever since I upgraded to the AM5 platform, in many games, within the first 1 - 10 minutes of launching (regardless of whether I stay in the lobby or queue into a match), my frames drop below 5 FPS and stay like that from anywhere between 20 seconds to 3 minutes. GPU utilization drops from 20% to 99% (depending on the game) to 1% to 5%. DPC latency for Nvidia and other drivers spikes like crazy. I've attached the LatencyMon reports.
Once it returns to normal, it STAYS normal until I restart my PC. The thing is, there are only some games like this. For example, it always happens in Valorant (not resource intensive) and Apex Legends (resource intensive). I play these two at low settings. However, it never happens in Forza Horizon 5 and Forza Motorsport (2023), and I play both at max settings in 1440p!
I've RMA'd the motherboard and CPU and even tried swapping the graphics card with a 4060, yet the issue still persisted. This never happens when I run Cinebench or casually use my PC. My BIOS, OS (Windows 11 23H2), and every single damn driver on my PC is up-to-date. I check every day for updates on everything. I may be the most up-to-date man in my city. I have also ruled out thermal throttling, as my CPU is stays below 75c when these drops happen, and before.
I've clean-installed Windows 11 countless times with no luck. I've played with no additional software on my PC, just drivers, and it still happens. I contacted NVIDIA support, but customer service couldn't fix it. I got forwarded to "level 2 tech support", and they said, "We will look into it on our side." I followed up consistently for weeks and never got a response back. I even made a new ticket, which got closed with no response. I even emailed their HQ (I think), and never got a response from them either.
I'm considering giving up and getting ready to splurge on a Ryzen 9 9900X when it's released. I believe it has something to do with the 3D-Vcache, and I prefer having a fixed overclock and finding its stable limits. At this point, I am insanely desperate for any fix. Please feel free to ask any questions that would help troubleshoot. Keep in mind that the screenshots were taken a few months ago when I submitted the support ticket to NVIDIA.
CONCLUSION _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Your system appears to be having trouble handling real-time audio and other tasks. You are likely to experience buffer underruns appearing as drop outs, clicks or pops. One or more DPC routines that belong to a driver running in your system appear to be executing for too long. One problem may be related to power management, disable CPU throttling settings in Control Panel and BIOS setup. Check for BIOS updates. LatencyMon has been analyzing your system for 0:05:49 (h:mm:ss) on all processors. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SYSTEM INFORMATION _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Computer name: MAKEENSPC OS version: Windows 11, 10.0, version 2009, build: 22631 (x64) Hardware: System Product Name, ASUS BIOS: 1904 CPU: AuthenticAMD AMD Ryzen 9 7900X3D 12-Core Processor Logical processors: 24 Processor groups: 1 Processor group size: 24 RAM: 32470 MB total _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU SPEED _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Reported CPU speed (WMI): 4401 MHz Reported CPU speed (registry): 440 MHz Note: reported execution times may be calculated based on a fixed reported CPU speed. Disable variable speed settings like Intel Speed Step and AMD Cool N Quiet in the BIOS setup for more accurate results. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ MEASURED INTERRUPT TO USER PROCESS LATENCIES _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The interrupt to process latency reflects the measured interval that a usermode process needed to respond to a hardware request from the moment the interrupt service routine started execution. This includes the scheduling and execution of a DPC routine, the signaling of an event and the waking up of a usermode thread from an idle wait state in response to that event. Highest measured interrupt to process latency (µs): 31512.40 Average measured interrupt to process latency (µs): 11.033801 Highest measured interrupt to DPC latency (µs): 31504.10 Average measured interrupt to DPC latency (µs): 5.010260 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ REPORTED ISRs _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Interrupt service routines are routines installed by the OS and device drivers that execute in response to a hardware interrupt signal. Highest ISR routine execution time (µs): 414.60 Driver with highest ISR routine execution time: Wdf01000.sys - Kernel Mode Driver Framework Runtime, Microsoft Corporation Highest reported total ISR routine time (%): 0.001667 Driver with highest ISR total time: Wdf01000.sys - Kernel Mode Driver Framework Runtime, Microsoft Corporation Total time spent in ISRs (%) 0.001667 ISR count (execution time <250 µs): 64723 ISR count (execution time 250-500 µs): 0 ISR count (execution time 500-1000 µs): 9 ISR count (execution time 1000-2000 µs): 0 ISR count (execution time 2000-4000 µs): 0 ISR count (execution time >=4000 µs): 0 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ REPORTED DPCs _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ DPC routines are part of the interrupt servicing dispatch mechanism and disable the possibility for a process to utilize the CPU while it is interrupted until the DPC has finished execution. Highest DPC routine execution time (µs): 70738.720 Driver with highest DPC routine execution time: nvlddmkm.sys - NVIDIA Windows Kernel Mode Driver, Version 551.52 , NVIDIA Corporation Highest reported total DPC routine time (%): 0.055289 Driver with highest DPC total execution time: Wdf01000.sys - Kernel Mode Driver Framework Runtime, Microsoft Corporation Total time spent in DPCs (%) 0.156135 DPC count (execution time <250 µs): 537621 DPC count (execution time 250-500 µs): 0 DPC count (execution time 500-10000 µs): 196 DPC count (execution time 1000-2000 µs): 1698 DPC count (execution time 2000-4000 µs): 109 DPC count (execution time >=4000 µs): 271 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ REPORTED HARD PAGEFAULTS _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Hard pagefaults are events that get triggered by making use of virtual memory that is not resident in RAM but backed by a memory mapped file on disk. The process of resolving the hard pagefault requires reading in the memory from disk while the process is interrupted and blocked from execution. NOTE: some processes were hit by hard pagefaults. If these were programs producing audio, they are likely to interrupt the audio stream resulting in dropouts, clicks and pops. Check the Processes tab to see which programs were hit. Process with highest pagefault count: msmpeng.exe Total number of hard pagefaults 393 Hard pagefault count of hardest hit process: 167 Number of processes hit: 8 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ PER CPU DATA _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 0 Interrupt cycle time (s): 27.763093 CPU 0 ISR highest execution time (µs): 414.60 CPU 0 ISR total execution time (s): 0.108111 CPU 0 ISR count: 33785 CPU 0 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15653.070 CPU 0 DPC total execution time (s): 4.248667 CPU 0 DPC count: 114314 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 1 Interrupt cycle time (s): 61.040177 CPU 1 ISR highest execution time (µs): 247.010 CPU 1 ISR total execution time (s): 0.025783 CPU 1 ISR count: 19964 CPU 1 DPC highest execution time (µs): 70738.720 CPU 1 DPC total execution time (s): 8.533829 CPU 1 DPC count: 406668 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 2 Interrupt cycle time (s): 7.999166 CPU 2 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 2 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 2 ISR count: 0 CPU 2 DPC highest execution time (µs): 36.660 CPU 2 DPC total execution time (s): 0.003996 CPU 2 DPC count: 1902 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 3 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.653989 CPU 3 ISR highest execution time (µs): 11.340 CPU 3 ISR total execution time (s): 0.000538 CPU 3 ISR count: 385 CPU 3 DPC highest execution time (µs): 47292.350 CPU 3 DPC total execution time (s): 0.110961 CPU 3 DPC count: 1718 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 4 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.738759 CPU 4 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 4 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 4 ISR count: 0 CPU 4 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15736.80 CPU 4 DPC total execution time (s): 0.022466 CPU 4 DPC count: 2477 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 5 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.353692 CPU 5 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 5 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 5 ISR count: 0 CPU 5 DPC highest execution time (µs): 39.90 CPU 5 DPC total execution time (s): 0.004773 CPU 5 DPC count: 1614 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 6 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.838329 CPU 6 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 6 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 6 ISR count: 0 CPU 6 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15766.450 CPU 6 DPC total execution time (s): 0.018172 CPU 6 DPC count: 940 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 7 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.835885 CPU 7 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 7 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 7 ISR count: 0 CPU 7 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15752.740 CPU 7 DPC total execution time (s): 0.017217 CPU 7 DPC count: 646 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 8 Interrupt cycle time (s): 6.119580 CPU 8 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 8 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 8 ISR count: 0 CPU 8 DPC highest execution time (µs): 47.940 CPU 8 DPC total execution time (s): 0.003918 CPU 8 DPC count: 1225 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 9 Interrupt cycle time (s): 6.123383 CPU 9 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 9 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 9 ISR count: 0 CPU 9 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15750.870 CPU 9 DPC total execution time (s): 0.018676 CPU 9 DPC count: 854 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 10 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.654364 CPU 10 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 10 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 10 ISR count: 0 CPU 10 DPC highest execution time (µs): 36.290 CPU 10 DPC total execution time (s): 0.001585 CPU 10 DPC count: 563 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 11 Interrupt cycle time (s): 4.933098 CPU 11 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 11 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 11 ISR count: 0 CPU 11 DPC highest execution time (µs): 34.350 CPU 11 DPC total execution time (s): 0.001481 CPU 11 DPC count: 484 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 12 Interrupt cycle time (s): 4.489502 CPU 12 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 12 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 12 ISR count: 0 CPU 12 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15802.070 CPU 12 DPC total execution time (s): 0.017034 CPU 12 DPC count: 390 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 13 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.922946 CPU 13 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 13 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 13 ISR count: 0 CPU 13 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15734.630 CPU 13 DPC total execution time (s): 0.016402 CPU 13 DPC count: 208 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 14 Interrupt cycle time (s): 4.980946 CPU 14 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 14 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 14 ISR count: 0 CPU 14 DPC highest execution time (µs): 54.90 CPU 14 DPC total execution time (s): 0.003271 CPU 14 DPC count: 851 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 15 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.329617 CPU 15 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 15 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 15 ISR count: 0 CPU 15 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15787.0 CPU 15 DPC total execution time (s): 0.016904 CPU 15 DPC count: 390 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 16 Interrupt cycle time (s): 4.531875 CPU 16 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 16 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 16 ISR count: 0 CPU 16 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15785.580 CPU 16 DPC total execution time (s): 0.017499 CPU 16 DPC count: 453 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 17 Interrupt cycle time (s): 4.592284 CPU 17 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 17 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 17 ISR count: 0 CPU 17 DPC highest execution time (µs): 46.170 CPU 17 DPC total execution time (s): 0.000798 CPU 17 DPC count: 285 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 18 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.837475 CPU 18 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 18 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 18 ISR count: 0 CPU 18 DPC highest execution time (µs): 41.550 CPU 18 DPC total execution time (s): 0.001068 CPU 18 DPC count: 260 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 19 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.721595 CPU 19 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 19 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 19 ISR count: 0 CPU 19 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15791.680 CPU 19 DPC total execution time (s): 0.016658 CPU 19 DPC count: 228 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 20 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.620598 CPU 20 ISR highest execution time (µs): 2.740 CPU 20 ISR total execution time (s): 0.000571 CPU 20 ISR count: 1069 CPU 20 DPC highest execution time (µs): 83.530 CPU 20 DPC total execution time (s): 0.001440 CPU 20 DPC count: 343 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 21 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.626609 CPU 21 ISR highest execution time (µs): 3.250 CPU 21 ISR total execution time (s): 0.001416 CPU 21 ISR count: 2806 CPU 21 DPC highest execution time (µs): 83.180 CPU 21 DPC total execution time (s): 0.003384 CPU 21 DPC count: 940 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 22 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.571501 CPU 22 ISR highest execution time (µs): 1.960 CPU 22 ISR total execution time (s): 0.000576 CPU 22 ISR count: 1059 CPU 22 DPC highest execution time (µs): 47.140 CPU 22 DPC total execution time (s): 0.009259 CPU 22 DPC count: 1287 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 23 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.554794 CPU 23 ISR highest execution time (µs): 8.0 CPU 23 ISR total execution time (s): 0.002821 CPU 23 ISR count: 5664 CPU 23 DPC highest execution time (µs): 64.620 CPU 23 DPC total execution time (s): 0.007121 CPU 23 DPC count: 855 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Very long if you don't wanna read then don't.
I've played a lot of gardevoir (200 matches whilst I have 500 matches overall lol). I'm green badge and gardevoir is my favourite and the character I've had the most fun with overall. I'm good at her aswell but after playing with her so much I've come to realise that it's just not a good Pokémon. Barely viable aswell.
I've played gardevoir in every style, defensive/offensive whatever style there is I've played it. I used energy amplifier (lvl 19), spoon (level 24) the glasses that gives 7% (level 24). I believe that this is basically a full power gardevoir but even still it's very lacking I believe. Especially considering that the meta is filled with bulky characters whom I've come to notice that gardevoir doesn't even take 10% of their health.
Sometimes I have to even use 3+ future sights on speedsters. Gardevoir should be a tank depleter and a counter to the bulky mon or I feel as if it should be because that's the type of game style that the character entails no? And for a ranged character it doesn't even have good range aswell imo. On top of that it's so fricking slow. I got out sped by a garchomp once 😂. I had X speed aswell. And the garchomp was a dig/earthquake that ultimately killed me.
I've realised in games even when I carry and do the most I would've done better by picking another attacker. Even thunder Pikachu would be better in most situations. I feel as if instead of helping my team as a gardevoir I'm actually just holding them back and making it worse even when we're winning. Also when I'm laning as a gardevoir I feel as if it's just pointless to defend my goal when my partner is absent (dead, afk, just wandered off) as I'll just get bodied even on my goal.
As for moves I used future sight/moonblast as I find it just more fun and playable than psyshock/psychic. I tried playing the latter but I don't play as well/have as much fun but even still I've realised that gardevoir is the equivalent of an annoying fly for the bulkier all rounders (most of them) and defenders and is just food for the faster all rounders and speedsters when they are the same level. When a gardevoir is even one level higher than another it destroys the other but that's most Pokémon no?
I've seen all rounders and defenders shrug of psyshocks/future sights. The only real threat gardevoir has is fairy singularity which i try to use when the enemy is grouped together but even still I've realised some Pokémon are unaffected by it (take little to no damage) like dragonite who I hit with the unite/all three psyshocks and a psychic which I realized didn't even delete a 1/6 of its health which left me very discouraged. And then there are other Pokémon that just walk out of it 😂. Maybe I'm lagging but certain Pokémon with dashes use their dashes and escape even when they're right in the middle of it and it has already started. Idk maybe I'm just bad 😂. The other things gardevoir has is moonblast which is great.
Lastly if you play gardevoir and your teammates are subpar you're basically finished. You can be the best of the best with gardevoir (not me) but if your teammates are bad it's over basically.
It's only really good in team fights and if you want to deal high damage by the end of the game (even my worst games with gardevoir end with very high damage). I know I said that gardevoir doesnt do high damage to bulky mons but it's because most bulky mons have a sustain (for some reason 😂, why should a Pokémon with a massive health pool be able to regenerate that health pool, it's actually bs) which makes them unkillable for gardevoir if it's one on one or even sometimes with a couple of teammates + gardevoir against that sustain bulk Mon.
Lemme give you a examples of why I've just realized after 200 games that gardevoir isn't a good Pokémon. It begins with first with a zeraora. A zeraora (no shield) decided to run straight into my goal zone. Ok, I think, easy. Ima just moonblast it hit it with a future sight and then another future sight. That should be enough. Okay I hit it twice with future sight now. Still doesn't die? Strange. Im half health now. I used my unite cuz I'm annoyed and ill get it back by rayquaza. Huh??? It's not dead? Then I die. Boom. It uses its unite and wild charges me. Second instance happened not too long ago. An outrage dragonite with half health. I spam future sight on it. My teammates (machamp, miraidon) begin wailing on it, they both die. Now it's me Vs dragonite and it has less than a quarter of its health. Okay easy I'm full health and I'm quite the distance away. I moonblast, hit it with two future sights within seconds. Boom dragon dance outrage I'm dead. I've been hitting it with future sights for the past 30 seconds (that's like 15) and it doesn't die? Next match I'm versing a tyranitar. Okay tyranitar is a beast I gotta keep my distance. Okay the tyranitar has no health (barely visible health bar) I blast it with future sight??? Wtf it's not dead you can't even see the colour in the health bar. I hit it with another and a moonblast and I kid you not he just does his voodoo on me and I die.
Another thing I've realised is the range at which gardevoir throws it's attacks is very easily closed by all rounders and speedsters. This makes gardevoir less than viable and makes it even more squishy than it already is. At least with decid/cinder you can use rapid fire scarf to enhance your already strong basic attack (gardevoirs basic attack = very weak).
I just want y'all who have read to know that I consider myself good with gardevoir but gardevoir in terms of the meta is not a good Pokémon. A Pokémon who can get outpaced by even bulky mons isn't good.
What's the point in gardevoir if it really only destroys other attackers (that's really the only group that I've consistently noticed that gardevoir is great at defeating, but it's not a big deal considering that's literally the speedsters job).
In my time playing gardevoir I've composed good/bad matchups Good matchups - Decidueye (rapid fire or not as long I always kill them) - Duraludon (Easy peasy stationary squishes) - Garchomp (Slow asf except for that one time I got outpaced by it for some reason) - Charizard (as long as it doesn't have/use it's unite but they always have/use it) These four are the onlys ones who can rarely get to me or maime me unless they are like 100 levels above me. The two attackers can just be dealt with by speedsters (more difficult to deal with decid though) and the two all rounders are basically nullified by every attacker in the game.
Bad matchups - Every speedster that can get in and/or out quickly + speedy all rounders (mimikyu) (not so much zeraora as it doesn't kill you as fast as the other ones) these include talonflame, leafeons. And others. They cannot be hit by gardevoirs more precise hits such as future sight (future sight requires being able to predict them speedsters can prove difficult to predict and psyshock for some reason only hits in one direction and isn't directional). - Tanky mons with dashes/lifesteal/stuns or all three. These include dragonite (outrage), who can wallop you in your goal and cannot be escaped considering he can stun you with basic attacks (for some reason), tyranitar, who I believe has lifesteal and also has high dps, slows you down and can dash to you/pull you towards him. A good tyranitar would wallop a great gardevoir even if the tyranitar is barely in the gardevoirs range. Yeah this is like more than half the mons in the game 🤣.
I believe gardevoir would be great if you could play with 4 friends in a balanced team but I don't have that unfortunately.
All in all: - Gardevoir is lacking in mobility (can get outpaced by bulky mon that realistically shouldn't be too fast) - While it should be strong in terms of burst damage it really does little to no damage to certain Pokémon like outrage dragonite, falinks, mamoswine, tyranitar. - Bad teammates = bad gardevoir - Only good in team fights (when your team actually is participating and not just farming mins 😡) . - Incredible weak basic attack

Over the course of my 4 year marriage to my partner, I have arrived at the position that I was abused, manipulated, and functionally enslaved to a mentally ill partner.
In simplest form, the progression is apparently observable. She was diagnosed with cancer in October of 2019 while we were engaged. Due to the diagnosis, we moved up our actual marriage date (our wedding was still set for mid-April) to December 1, 2019. Her surgery was December 13, 2019. In my compassion for her, I agreed to move our wedding date up to offset her anxiety around who would be responsible for her if things went south with her surgical treatment.
Our first month of marriage was straightforward; she was on pain meds recovering from surgery, so the main engagement that occurred was me walking her up and down the hospital hallway as she recovered and trying to meet her base physical needs of hygiene, food, and presence. We stayed in the hospital for 2-3 weeks (with recurring hospital visits for complications).
Quickly after we figured out our marital living situation in her small 3-bed apartment with 2 roommates, our relationship devolved. Specifically, she was irritable because of the pain she was in, causing her to lash out at me with regular frequency for small things. If I didn’t put clothes away in the right place, didn’t anticipate her needs (without her communicating them), or ate the wrong food in front of her she would shout at me and decry me for my thoughtlessness.
These small, critical engagements were wounding and created a distance between us – and there was no upside. She was never kind, never paid mind to needs I might have, and started down a path of cultivating a root of bitterness in her soul. She quickly revealed herself to be venomous, hateful, and vindictive when she felt like she was wronged — and any observation of concern about our marriage resulted me in being accused of being mean or insensitive, even if I spent hours or days calculating the best way to share my concern (and I have a master’s degree in communication where I focused in studying disagreement — I know how to carefully package concerns).
During this time, I worked hard to provide for us, foreseeing a significant time period where I would have to be primary financial provider and caregiver. I increased my income each year we were married by around 25%, finishing our marriage at >$80,000 in yearly income, compared to starting our marriage at a modest $42,000 salary (including dramatically improving our healthcare). Frankly, I increased my income to provide for us in spite of the lack of support at home.
But to be clear: I don’t think it would have been particularly difficult to provide financially if I had an ounce of support at home.
However, the relentless criticism and expectation of mind-reading continued through the years. I rationalized this abuse for the first year of our marriage because of all the excuses to be cruel, she had a good one – she had cancer. I hung onto a hope that it would stop. Contrary to my hope, as the years went on – and our expenses climbed – and I continued to work myself to the bone – she continued to relentlessly critique and even started being more emotionally demanding, expecting me to take responsibility for her inability to cope with her emotions – I was drowning. She was asking too much of me. There was no deliverance from her abuse.
I was exhausted. In the peak of the abuse I endured at her hand, I was working multiple jobs, sleeping 10+ hours a night and napping frequently during the day around meetings and work, then coping with alcohol to numb myself to the abusive dynamic and fall asleep with no support from her. The only time I could approach her sexually was when I was intoxicated, with inhibitions lowered. The only time I could have a conversation with her was with a counselor in the room. Without something to mitigate opportunity for her to be cruel to me, either a mediator or self-medication, I was scared.
I lived at home in a constant state of alert and cognitive fatigue. No matter how I tried to make sense of my home life, I couldn’t. When she looked at or touched me, I would recoil in fear, anticipating some sort of incisive critique or demand expressed. Then she would criticize me for not responding warmly to her, exacerbating the cycle.
I couldn’t meet her needs – I was utterly exhausted. When I would tell her of the exhaustion I experienced in marital counseling, her responses were typically something along the lines of not believing me, denying what I was saying was true, or calling my exhaustion an ‘excuse’. I could interact happily with my friends… why not her?
I did not deny her demands were legitimate; rather, I expressed my inability to meet them because of how fatigued I was. I said ‘I can’t’ so many times. I realize her demands were small; affection, saying ‘i love you’, complimenting her. But it’s disorienting to be consistently berated and belittled by a person and then asked to compliment them and tell them you love them.
The push and pull of abuse is exhausting to a person who is not mentally because it does not make sense.
Further, in counseling I realized that I have forgotten that I have needs. I have lost the tools to even evaluate what my needs might be because, implicitly and explicitly in my marriage, I was told my needs don’t matter.
My marriage made no sense; I was obviously drowning, exhausted with the demands our life imposed on me. I was doing everything I could to get straight. I was in individual therapy, marital counseling, pastoral counseling, trying different antidepressants (4 in total – all with no effect), changing eating habits, trying to reduce my drinking, getting medical tests to see if I had health issues causing my fatigue, and being vulnerable in my friendships in an attempt to invite others in to process and move forward and figure out my marriage. I desperately shared everything I could about my marriage, hoping someone else would crack the code where I couldn’t.
None of my efforts worked. I could not get out of the exhausted state I was in. It’s worth noting here that within weeks of separating I almost completely cut out alcohol, got into a regular sleep schedule, was waking up at 6-7am every day and reading multiple hours (which I couldn’t do in marriage due to cognitive fatigue/distraction), and experienced a resurgence of energy. I have felt the duress I was under lift and lift and lift and the weeks and months have went on.
In retrospect, I was experiencing cognitive fatigue because I was taking the demands my wife was placing on me seriously, but no matter what I did I could not make sense of them. How could she not see that I was doing everything I could to make ends meet – the ends which she was imposing on me? I did not have additional energy left. She would ask me ‘Do you love me?’ and I didn’t know how to respond. How is my work not at least some symbol of love? My dream was to be a poor professor, which she knew – instead I was grinding myself to the bone, working in digital marketing with multiple freelance projects, picking up a bartending gig and a teaching gig on top of full-time employment.
The last straw was when she accused me of abuse. I took that accusation seriously, and weighed it against my experience. ‘Am I an abuser?’ I asked myself. I sorted through my behavior and how I treated her. I came to the conclusion that I may be a poor husband in serious ways; but I am not an abuser. And the abuse question opened the door to the question… ‘I may not be an abuser… but is there abuse in our marriage?’ And the answer quickly became ‘Yes.’
When we were married, I understood that she wasn’t going to work much for a while. However, she worked the bare minimum she could for 4 years, earning at most in a single year $18,000. As the years went on and my income climbed, our debt continued to climb as well. She was still contributing the same, yet spending frivolously on useless knick knacks for our home and a cat. As I packed up our home to sell, the majority of items were dozens of boxes of useless junk she’d accumulated.
She lived a life of mania around finances. We would go to marital counseling and she would regularly express, ‘I would rather be poor and happy than rich and sad’. We were poor and sad. Sure, my income was the highest it’d ever been – but we were still drowning, with debts climbing. At the end of our marriage, we’d accumulated about $20,000 in consumer debt between credit cards and personal loans.
It was traumatizing (and abusive) to go to counseling and be told by my partner she would ‘rather be poor and happy and than rich and sad’ when the factual scenario we were living was neither. She actively denied reality – both my lived experience and the reality of our finances – at my expense. It was killing me, trying to make sense of what we were going through but being unable to make sense of what I was being told and what I was experiencing.
Throughout this time, it is worth adding that she also leveraged my spiritual leadership to ‘set me straight’. I was in a conservative Evangelical space, believing that men are the ultimate provider in a family unit and primarily responsible for the status of the marriage. Because I was not doing what she wanted me to (lavishing her with affection), I was muscled into multiple groups and meetings where pastoral care intervened to restore our marriage. In the moment, I submitted to my pastoral care because of my trust for them and my faith in God. Now, I believe this dynamic was abusive; my pastoral care did not care in any sense for my soul; they only cared about fixing my marriage. No questions around ‘why’ my marriage was so bad were asked; only what was going on and how it could be fixed. I relish the thought of my pastoral care being held accountable for the abuse they exercised upon me during this time on judgment day, albeit through a shaken faith in a God that would enable this dynamic.
With my spiritual community, I shared that I felt like she was my tormentor; that she it felt as if I were on the ground due to exhaustion, and she was standing on my throat, telling me to ‘get up’ and ‘tell me you love me’; that our metaphorical life was a boat, sinking, and I was desperately bailing out water. All the while, she stood at the other end of the boat, desperately bailing water in and looking at me like I was a maniac.
And yet, because there was no adultery, there was no category for divorce. We had sworn an oath before God and were required to fix this.
As I reflect upon my marriage (and the ongoing divorce proceedings), a few things are clear.
She is an abuser. I don’t think she intends to be, but impact matters. She is mentally ill and unable to reckon with basic reality.
She is a manipulator. She manipulated my spiritual community against me. I was viewed as someone to be corrected while begging for help from my trusted friends and pastoral care, whom I now regret being vulnerable with due to their abuse and denial of my reality because I didn’t fit neatly into their thin theological categories.
She is an enslaver. In divorce proceedings, she is doing everything she can to get every dollar from me, leveraging student loans I did not co-sign, my continually increasing income due to my hard work, and denying every claim of dissipated assets she can.
It is truly a mind-breaking experience to see your compassion leveraged against you for money. I had to sit under an attorney proclaiming to a judge that, since I consented to move up our marriage date before her cancer surgery, ‘I knew what I was getting into’. That she is entitled to large sums of money (that do not exist; we never had more than $3000 in our bank account during marriage) due to that decision.
Even apart from the abuse, I did not know what I was getting into. Including the abuse, I am full of remorse for having invited such an evil, hateful person into my life.
This experience has been the most challenging to my faith. As I endured abuse from her, I trusted God in a few ways. That the compassion I showed would maybe be rewarded – or, at least not punished. That my spiritual community wanted what was best for me. That God was not a punitive, hateful God (like my partner). I do not believe this trust was well placed, but am open to shortcomings in my views here.
I struggle to consent to a God that allowed my experience to occur. I’m open and processing in some kind of faith, but I really don’t know what it looks like to find a place to put this pain and betrayal that I’m experiencing.
I am a survivor of abuse, and the abuse I endured was mind-shattering. I sacrificed everything to support a partner diagnosed with serious bodily illness, which drove her to hate me and deny my lived experience because she could not reconcile it with the hatefulness she cultivated over our marriage, choosing bitterness over any positivity for four years, poisoning my well-being in the process.
What I envisioned to be the most compassionate moment of my life — marrying a person with cancer and promising to support and love them — has become nothing but a symbol of pain and remorse. I envisioned a life where my partner and I would fight against the terror of cancer; instead she hopped to the other side, choosing her ongoing health issues as the ally and myself as the enemy.
It took me 4 years to realize it. And as she drags me through court to leverage every dollar out of me I can, my only regret is that I didn’t leave my abuser to her own devices sooner; self-pity, hatefulness, and a sheer disregard toward taking responsibility for anything.
I am grateful but drowning. As we are negotiating settlement, the end is near, and my abuser will soon be unable to execute any influence in my life.

I genuinely think I am going insane. In August 2023, I upgraded my PC from the AM4 platform to the AM5 platform. To provide a comprehensive overview, I will share the PcPartPicker lists for both PCs, along with the detailed specs here. New: Ryzen 9 7900X3D (PBO enabled) EVGA 3080 Ti FTW3 Asus X670E Crosshair Extreme G.Skill 32GB (2 x 16) 7600mhz CAS36 Trident Z5 2TB Crucial T700 1TB Corsair MP600 Corsair AIO H170i 420mm Corsair 7000D case Corsair HX1500i PSU (ATX 3.0/PCie 5.0) (1500 W)
Old: Ryzen 7 5800X (Overclocked to 4.8 GHz, stable) EVGA 3080 Ti FTW3 MSI X570 Gaming Pro Carbon WI-FI G.Skill 32GB (2 x 16) 4000mhz CAS18 Trident Z 1TB Corsair MP600 2TB Seagate Barracuda HDD MSI AIO MPG CORELIQUID V2 360mm Corsair 7000D case Corsair RM 850x PSU (850 W)
Ever since I upgraded to the AM5 platform, in many games, within the first 1 - 10 minutes of launching (regardless of whether I stay in the lobby or queue into a match), my frames drop below 5 FPS and stay like that from anywhere between 20 seconds to 3 minutes. GPU utilization drops from 20% to 99% (depending on the game) to 1% to 5%. DPC latency for Nvidia and other drivers spikes like crazy. I've attached the LatencyMon reports. Once it returns to normal, it STAYS normal until I restart my PC. The thing is, there are only some games like this. For example, it always happens in Valorant (not resource intensive) and Apex Legends (resource intensive). I play these two at low settings. However, it never happens in Forza Horizon 5 and Forza Motorsport (2023), and I play both at max settings in 1440p! I've RMA'd the motherboard and CPU and even tried swapping the graphics card with a 4060, yet the issue still persisted. This never happens when I run Cinebench or casually use my PC. My BIOS, OS (Windows 11 23H2), and every single damn driver on my PC is up-to-date. I check every day for updates on everything. I may be the most up-to-date man in my city. I have also ruled out thermal throttling, as my CPU is stays below 75c when these drops happen, and before. I've clean-installed Windows 11 countless times with no luck. I've played with no additional software on my PC, just drivers, and it still happens. I contacted NVIDIA support, but customer service couldn't fix it. I got forwarded to "level 2 tech support", and they said, "We will look into it on our side." I followed up consistently for weeks and never got a response back. I even made a new ticket, which got closed with no response. I even emailed their HQ (I think), and never got a response from them either. I'm considering giving up and getting ready to splurge on a Ryzen 9 9900X when it's released. I believe it has something to do with the 3D-Vcache, and I prefer having a fixed overclock and finding its stable limits. At this point, I am insanely desperate for any fix. Please feel free to ask any questions that would help troubleshoot. Keep in mind that the screenshots were taken a few months ago when I submitted the support ticket to NVIDIA.
​
CONCLUSION _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Your system appears to be having trouble handling real-time audio and other tasks. You are likely to experience buffer underruns appearing as drop outs, clicks or pops. One or more DPC routines that belong to a driver running in your system appear to be executing for too long. One problem may be related to power management, disable CPU throttling settings in Control Panel and BIOS setup. Check for BIOS updates. LatencyMon has been analyzing your system for 0:05:49 (h:mm:ss) on all processors. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SYSTEM INFORMATION _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Computer name: MAKEENSPC OS version: Windows 11, 10.0, version 2009, build: 22631 (x64) Hardware: System Product Name, ASUS BIOS: 1904 CPU: AuthenticAMD AMD Ryzen 9 7900X3D 12-Core Processor Logical processors: 24 Processor groups: 1 Processor group size: 24 RAM: 32470 MB total _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU SPEED _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Reported CPU speed (WMI): 4401 MHz Reported CPU speed (registry): 440 MHz Note: reported execution times may be calculated based on a fixed reported CPU speed. Disable variable speed settings like Intel Speed Step and AMD Cool N Quiet in the BIOS setup for more accurate results. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ MEASURED INTERRUPT TO USER PROCESS LATENCIES _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ The interrupt to process latency reflects the measured interval that a usermode process needed to respond to a hardware request from the moment the interrupt service routine started execution. This includes the scheduling and execution of a DPC routine, the signaling of an event and the waking up of a usermode thread from an idle wait state in response to that event. Highest measured interrupt to process latency (µs): 31512.40 Average measured interrupt to process latency (µs): 11.033801 Highest measured interrupt to DPC latency (µs): 31504.10 Average measured interrupt to DPC latency (µs): 5.010260 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ REPORTED ISRs _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Interrupt service routines are routines installed by the OS and device drivers that execute in response to a hardware interrupt signal. Highest ISR routine execution time (µs): 414.60 Driver with highest ISR routine execution time: Wdf01000.sys - Kernel Mode Driver Framework Runtime, Microsoft Corporation Highest reported total ISR routine time (%): 0.001667 Driver with highest ISR total time: Wdf01000.sys - Kernel Mode Driver Framework Runtime, Microsoft Corporation Total time spent in ISRs (%) 0.001667 ISR count (execution time <250 µs): 64723 ISR count (execution time 250-500 µs): 0 ISR count (execution time 500-1000 µs): 9 ISR count (execution time 1000-2000 µs): 0 ISR count (execution time 2000-4000 µs): 0 ISR count (execution time >=4000 µs): 0 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ REPORTED DPCs _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ DPC routines are part of the interrupt servicing dispatch mechanism and disable the possibility for a process to utilize the CPU while it is interrupted until the DPC has finished execution. Highest DPC routine execution time (µs): 70738.720 Driver with highest DPC routine execution time: nvlddmkm.sys - NVIDIA Windows Kernel Mode Driver, Version 551.52 , NVIDIA Corporation Highest reported total DPC routine time (%): 0.055289 Driver with highest DPC total execution time: Wdf01000.sys - Kernel Mode Driver Framework Runtime, Microsoft Corporation Total time spent in DPCs (%) 0.156135 DPC count (execution time <250 µs): 537621 DPC count (execution time 250-500 µs): 0 DPC count (execution time 500-10000 µs): 196 DPC count (execution time 1000-2000 µs): 1698 DPC count (execution time 2000-4000 µs): 109 DPC count (execution time >=4000 µs): 271 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ REPORTED HARD PAGEFAULTS _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Hard pagefaults are events that get triggered by making use of virtual memory that is not resident in RAM but backed by a memory mapped file on disk. The process of resolving the hard pagefault requires reading in the memory from disk while the process is interrupted and blocked from execution. NOTE: some processes were hit by hard pagefaults. If these were programs producing audio, they are likely to interrupt the audio stream resulting in dropouts, clicks and pops. Check the Processes tab to see which programs were hit. Process with highest pagefault count: msmpeng.exe Total number of hard pagefaults 393 Hard pagefault count of hardest hit process: 167 Number of processes hit: 8 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ PER CPU DATA _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 0 Interrupt cycle time (s): 27.763093 CPU 0 ISR highest execution time (µs): 414.60 CPU 0 ISR total execution time (s): 0.108111 CPU 0 ISR count: 33785 CPU 0 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15653.070 CPU 0 DPC total execution time (s): 4.248667 CPU 0 DPC count: 114314 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 1 Interrupt cycle time (s): 61.040177 CPU 1 ISR highest execution time (µs): 247.010 CPU 1 ISR total execution time (s): 0.025783 CPU 1 ISR count: 19964 CPU 1 DPC highest execution time (µs): 70738.720 CPU 1 DPC total execution time (s): 8.533829 CPU 1 DPC count: 406668 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 2 Interrupt cycle time (s): 7.999166 CPU 2 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 2 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 2 ISR count: 0 CPU 2 DPC highest execution time (µs): 36.660 CPU 2 DPC total execution time (s): 0.003996 CPU 2 DPC count: 1902 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 3 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.653989 CPU 3 ISR highest execution time (µs): 11.340 CPU 3 ISR total execution time (s): 0.000538 CPU 3 ISR count: 385 CPU 3 DPC highest execution time (µs): 47292.350 CPU 3 DPC total execution time (s): 0.110961 CPU 3 DPC count: 1718 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 4 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.738759 CPU 4 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 4 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 4 ISR count: 0 CPU 4 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15736.80 CPU 4 DPC total execution time (s): 0.022466 CPU 4 DPC count: 2477 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 5 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.353692 CPU 5 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 5 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 5 ISR count: 0 CPU 5 DPC highest execution time (µs): 39.90 CPU 5 DPC total execution time (s): 0.004773 CPU 5 DPC count: 1614 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 6 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.838329 CPU 6 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 6 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 6 ISR count: 0 CPU 6 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15766.450 CPU 6 DPC total execution time (s): 0.018172 CPU 6 DPC count: 940 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 7 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.835885 CPU 7 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 7 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 7 ISR count: 0 CPU 7 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15752.740 CPU 7 DPC total execution time (s): 0.017217 CPU 7 DPC count: 646 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 8 Interrupt cycle time (s): 6.119580 CPU 8 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 8 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 8 ISR count: 0 CPU 8 DPC highest execution time (µs): 47.940 CPU 8 DPC total execution time (s): 0.003918 CPU 8 DPC count: 1225 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 9 Interrupt cycle time (s): 6.123383 CPU 9 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 9 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 9 ISR count: 0 CPU 9 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15750.870 CPU 9 DPC total execution time (s): 0.018676 CPU 9 DPC count: 854 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 10 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.654364 CPU 10 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 10 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 10 ISR count: 0 CPU 10 DPC highest execution time (µs): 36.290 CPU 10 DPC total execution time (s): 0.001585 CPU 10 DPC count: 563 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 11 Interrupt cycle time (s): 4.933098 CPU 11 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 11 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 11 ISR count: 0 CPU 11 DPC highest execution time (µs): 34.350 CPU 11 DPC total execution time (s): 0.001481 CPU 11 DPC count: 484 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 12 Interrupt cycle time (s): 4.489502 CPU 12 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 12 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 12 ISR count: 0 CPU 12 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15802.070 CPU 12 DPC total execution time (s): 0.017034 CPU 12 DPC count: 390 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 13 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.922946 CPU 13 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 13 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 13 ISR count: 0 CPU 13 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15734.630 CPU 13 DPC total execution time (s): 0.016402 CPU 13 DPC count: 208 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 14 Interrupt cycle time (s): 4.980946 CPU 14 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 14 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 14 ISR count: 0 CPU 14 DPC highest execution time (µs): 54.90 CPU 14 DPC total execution time (s): 0.003271 CPU 14 DPC count: 851 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 15 Interrupt cycle time (s): 5.329617 CPU 15 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 15 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 15 ISR count: 0 CPU 15 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15787.0 CPU 15 DPC total execution time (s): 0.016904 CPU 15 DPC count: 390 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 16 Interrupt cycle time (s): 4.531875 CPU 16 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 16 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 16 ISR count: 0 CPU 16 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15785.580 CPU 16 DPC total execution time (s): 0.017499 CPU 16 DPC count: 453 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 17 Interrupt cycle time (s): 4.592284 CPU 17 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 17 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 17 ISR count: 0 CPU 17 DPC highest execution time (µs): 46.170 CPU 17 DPC total execution time (s): 0.000798 CPU 17 DPC count: 285 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 18 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.837475 CPU 18 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 18 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 18 ISR count: 0 CPU 18 DPC highest execution time (µs): 41.550 CPU 18 DPC total execution time (s): 0.001068 CPU 18 DPC count: 260 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 19 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.721595 CPU 19 ISR highest execution time (µs): 0.0 CPU 19 ISR total execution time (s): 0.0 CPU 19 ISR count: 0 CPU 19 DPC highest execution time (µs): 15791.680 CPU 19 DPC total execution time (s): 0.016658 CPU 19 DPC count: 228 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 20 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.620598 CPU 20 ISR highest execution time (µs): 2.740 CPU 20 ISR total execution time (s): 0.000571 CPU 20 ISR count: 1069 CPU 20 DPC highest execution time (µs): 83.530 CPU 20 DPC total execution time (s): 0.001440 CPU 20 DPC count: 343 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 21 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.626609 CPU 21 ISR highest execution time (µs): 3.250 CPU 21 ISR total execution time (s): 0.001416 CPU 21 ISR count: 2806 CPU 21 DPC highest execution time (µs): 83.180 CPU 21 DPC total execution time (s): 0.003384 CPU 21 DPC count: 940 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 22 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.571501 CPU 22 ISR highest execution time (µs): 1.960 CPU 22 ISR total execution time (s): 0.000576 CPU 22 ISR count: 1059 CPU 22 DPC highest execution time (µs): 47.140 CPU 22 DPC total execution time (s): 0.009259 CPU 22 DPC count: 1287 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ CPU 23 Interrupt cycle time (s): 3.554794 CPU 23 ISR highest execution time (µs): 8.0 CPU 23 ISR total execution time (s): 0.002821 CPU 23 ISR count: 5664 CPU 23 DPC highest execution time (µs): 64.620 CPU 23 DPC total execution time (s): 0.007121 CPU 23 DPC count: 855 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________

To set the context, I had just gotten into my job working front desk at a hotel. While I was preparing my Co-worker to leave for the day a guest came down saying their door lock was dead so I offered to help them enter the room. I got the master key and went up with them. Upon opening the door I noticed the privacy lock had been flipped preventing me from opening the door entirely. After realizing this I heard a loud “HEY!” So I knew I was in for something.
I got back down to the lobby where we were met with a call from the room we tried to enter. The guest said I was lucky to not have been shot as I was a “home invader.” I finished the call and got the guests I was helping a new room and sent them on their way. Roughly 5 minutes later the person who yelled came to the front desk to speak to me. I’ve done this song and dance before and it’s never pleasant but this one was OUT THERE!
He approached it a fervor, speed walking faster than Hal in Malcom in the Middle. His sweat was glistening through the air as the force of the wind carried it aloft; a dust cloud trailed his every step due to the magical force his decrepit old legs are somehow able to muster.
He came up to the front desk and initially started to layout the groundwork to his logic by establishing his “renters rights,” and asking me if I knew what that meant. He mentioned that no one has the right to enter that room without his permission as it was illegal. His stance was valid but the pure disrespect that fueled this encounter drove the conversation to me asking him to be polite. I politely declined this game of semantics and asked if we could speak in a more cordial manner.
For some reason this upset him further so he deemed it necessary to speak on his 20 years military experience and how that would explain his demeanor every time his door is opened when it shouldn’t be. I thanked him for the service which left him quite perplexed. It was the first lull in the conversation and I could finally tell he was thinking about his next words.
The conversation promptly snapped back to his military experience and he claimed I was not taking this seriously enough as “someone could have been shot,” (that person being me.) So I told him I understood perfectly well how much my life was put into danger. For some reason he interrupted this as me meaning I had the same 20 years of military experience which is impossible. I look my age of 23 so this was certainly something he just fired off without thinking.
He wanted the owners phone number to complain and exclaimed he would not be moving from his spot until said information was provided. I continued to refuse in a polite manner.
He left in a fit yelling all the way to his room because he thought I was laughing since I maintained a smile through the whole conversation. He acted like a petulant child and should not be anywhere near a fire arm of a moving door is enough to send this man into a spiral.
His complaint is a perfectly valid one, he just needs to learn how to respect others before demanding it.

Hi! I’d like to go to a brewery tonight and have a fun time with someone, but I don’t know people in this area - you down? This would be strictly casual as I am moving in a few weeks, I just think it would be fun to meet a new person and have a little night out :)
About me: I’m into video games, board games, skiing, kayaking, walks, writing poetry, music of most kinds! I especially love sharing music with people, it’s a big love language for me! I’m very talkative and outgoing. Also I’m a curvy, curly haired brunette with brown eyes.
About you: 25-38, in the area, down for a few drinks and to get to know each other. Aware that this is not a hook up, just a date!
Please send me a quick intro and a song recommendation so I know you read everything!

I was diagnosed with LGMD in 2022 but had been suffering from it since 2016 when I saw my first symptoms, I’m still a virgin…haven’t had a girlfriend since 2016 and I’ve missed out on so much in my life…don’t know what to do, I want to loose but at the same times I don’t want to pay for it since it’s going to be first time…when it comes to dating they go on dates with me until they realize I can’t walk up stairs or it’s harder to get up, when I explain they all just don’t want to continue…I only do good in my life but always receive the worst types of luck coming my way…what do I do

ive been playing on the better mc v26 modpack with friends on a server and things have been going smoothly until just today. a week or two ago i added a few mods, namely things like create, appleskin, botania, aquaculture, and ice and fire, and that all went smoothly as well for until just now. i logged on, fed my baby dragon and went out to get some more meat for dragon meal. after a few seconds of walking i got disconnected and any attempt to rejoin gets me kicked after a second or two of loading in. ive looked into it and hear a lot that its an issue of rubidium, but ive looked through the modlist and it is not there. i have xenon which i think is similar but updating xenon hasnt helped either. any help would be appreciated, please and thank you !!
[CRASH REPORT]

---- Minecraft Crash Report ---- // My bad. Time: 2024-05-18 16:57:26 Description: Encountered exception while building chunk meshes java.lang.NullPointerException: Cannot invoke "net.minecraft.resources.ResourceLocation.m_135827_()" because "location" is null at org.embeddedt.modernfix.dynamicresources.DynamicBakedModelProvider.isVanillaTopLevelModel(DynamicBakedModelProvider.java:138) ~[modernfix-forge-5.13.0+mc1.20.1.jar%23619!/:5.13.0+mc1.20.1] {re:mixin,re:classloading} at org.embeddedt.modernfix.dynamicresources.DynamicBakedModelProvider.get(DynamicBakedModelProvider.java:160) ~[modernfix-forge-5.13.0+mc1.20.1.jar%23619!/:5.13.0+mc1.20.1] {re:mixin,re:classloading} at org.embeddedt.modernfix.dynamicresources.DynamicBakedModelProvider.get(DynamicBakedModelProvider.java:29) ~[modernfix-forge-5.13.0+mc1.20.1.jar%23619!/:5.13.0+mc1.20.1] {re:mixin,re:classloading} at java.util.Map.getOrDefault(Map.java:671) ~[?:?] {re:mixin} at net.minecraft.client.resources.model.ModelManager.getModel(ModelManager.java:62) ~[client-1.20.1-20230612.114412-srg.jar%23726!/:?] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:connector_pre_launch:A,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:modernfix-common.mixins.json:perf.dynamic_resources.ModelManagerMixin from mod modernfix,pl:mixin:APP:botania_xplat.mixins.json:client.ModelManagerAccessor from mod botania,pl:mixin:APP:fabric-model-loading-api-v1.mixins.json:BakedModelManagerMixin from mod fabric_model_loading_api_v1,pl:mixin:APP:puzzleslib.forge.mixins.json:client.ModelManagerForgeMixin from mod puzzleslib,pl:mixin:APP:bclib.mixins.client.json:ModelManagerMixin from mod bclib,pl:mixin:APP:fabric-resource-loader-v0.client.mixins.json:KeyedResourceReloadListenerClientMixin from mod fabric_resource_loader_v0,pl:mixin:APP:quark.mixins.json:client.accessor.AccessorModelManager from mod quark,pl:mixin:A,pl:connector_pre_launch:A,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} at net.mehvahdjukaar.moonlight.api.platform.forge.ClientHelperImpl.getModel(ClientHelperImpl.java:220) ~[moonlight-1.20-2.9.10-forge.jar%23621!/:?] {re:classloading} at net.mehvahdjukaar.moonlight.api.platform.ClientHelper.getModel(ClientHelper.java) ~[moonlight-1.20-2.9.10-forge.jar%23621!/:?] {re:classloading} at net.mehvahdjukaar.supplementaries.client.renderers.tiles.BookPileBlockTileRenderer.renderBook(BookPileBlockTileRenderer.java:133) ~[supplementaries-1.20-2.7.35.jar%23682!/:?] {re:classloading} at net.mehvahdjukaar.supplementaries.client.renderers.tiles.BookPileBlockTileRenderer.renderVertical(BookPileBlockTileRenderer.java:109) ~[supplementaries-1.20-2.7.35.jar%23682!/:?] {re:classloading} at net.mehvahdjukaar.supplementaries.client.renderers.tiles.BookPileBlockTileRenderer.renderBookPile(BookPileBlockTileRenderer.java:55) ~[supplementaries-1.20-2.7.35.jar%23682!/:?] {re:classloading} at net.mehvahdjukaar.supplementaries.client.block_models.BookPileModel.getBlockQuads(BookPileModel.java:43) ~[supplementaries-1.20-2.7.35.jar%23682!/:?] {re:classloading} at net.mehvahdjukaar.moonlight.api.client.model.CustomBakedModel.getQuads(CustomBakedModel.java:529) ~[moonlight-1.20-2.9.10-forge.jar%23621!/:?] {re:mixin,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:moonlight.mixins.json:SelfCustomBakedModel from mod moonlight,pl:mixin:A} at me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.pipeline.BlockRenderer.getGeometry(BlockRenderer.java:167) ~[xenon-0.3.11+mc1.20.1.jar%23710!/:?] {re:mixin,re:computing_frames,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:snowrealmagic.mixins.json:sodium.BlockRendererAccess from mod snowrealmagic,pl:mixin:APP:snowrealmagic.mixins.json:sodium.BlockRendererMixin from mod snowrealmagic,pl:mixin:APP:indium.mixins.json:sodium.AccessBlockRenderer from mod lazurite,pl:mixin:A} at me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.pipeline.BlockRenderer.renderModel(BlockRenderer.java:156) ~[xenon-0.3.11+mc1.20.1.jar%23710!/:?] {re:mixin,re:computing_frames,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:snowrealmagic.mixins.json:sodium.BlockRendererAccess from mod snowrealmagic,pl:mixin:APP:snowrealmagic.mixins.json:sodium.BlockRendererMixin from mod snowrealmagic,pl:mixin:APP:indium.mixins.json:sodium.AccessBlockRenderer from mod lazurite,pl:mixin:A} at me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.tasks.ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.redirect$fde000$lazurite$onRenderBlock(ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.java:2046) ~[xenon-0.3.11+mc1.20.1.jar%23710!/:?] {re:mixin,re:computing_frames,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.oculus.compat.sodium.json:block_id.MixinChunkRenderRebuildTask from mod oculus,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.oculus.compat.sodium.json:shader_overrides.MixinChunkBuilderMeshingTask from mod oculus,pl:mixin:APP:flywheel.sodium.mixins.json:ChunkBuilderMeshingTaskMixin from mod flywheel,pl:mixin:APP:indium.mixins.json:sodium.MixinChunkBuilderMeshingTask from mod lazurite,pl:mixin:A} at me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.tasks.ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.execute(ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.java:137) ~[xenon-0.3.11+mc1.20.1.jar%23710!/:?] {re:mixin,re:computing_frames,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.oculus.compat.sodium.json:block_id.MixinChunkRenderRebuildTask from mod oculus,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.oculus.compat.sodium.json:shader_overrides.MixinChunkBuilderMeshingTask from mod oculus,pl:mixin:APP:flywheel.sodium.mixins.json:ChunkBuilderMeshingTaskMixin from mod flywheel,pl:mixin:APP:indium.mixins.json:sodium.MixinChunkBuilderMeshingTask from mod lazurite,pl:mixin:A} at me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.tasks.ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.execute(ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.java:50) ~[xenon-0.3.11+mc1.20.1.jar%23710!/:?] {re:mixin,re:computing_frames,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.oculus.compat.sodium.json:block_id.MixinChunkRenderRebuildTask from mod oculus,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.oculus.compat.sodium.json:shader_overrides.MixinChunkBuilderMeshingTask from mod oculus,pl:mixin:APP:flywheel.sodium.mixins.json:ChunkBuilderMeshingTaskMixin from mod flywheel,pl:mixin:APP:indium.mixins.json:sodium.MixinChunkBuilderMeshingTask from mod lazurite,pl:mixin:A} at me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.executor.ChunkJobTyped.execute(ChunkJobTyped.java:44) ~[xenon-0.3.11+mc1.20.1.jar%23710!/:?] {re:computing_frames,re:classloading} at me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.executor.ChunkBuilder$WorkerRunnable.run(ChunkBuilder.java:207) ~[xenon-0.3.11+mc1.20.1.jar%23710!/:?] {re:classloading} at java.lang.Thread.run(Thread.java:833) ~[?:?] {re:mixin} 

A detailed walkthrough of the error, its code path and all known details is as follows:
-- Head --
Thread: Render thread
Suspected Mods:

ModernFix (modernfix), Version: 5.13.0+mc1.20.1 Issue tracker URL: [https://github.com/embeddedt/ModernFix/issues](https://github.com/embeddedt/ModernFix/issues) at TRANSFORMEmodernfix@5.13.0+mc1.20.1/org.embeddedt.modernfix.dynamicresources.DynamicBakedModelProvider.isVanillaTopLevelModel(DynamicBakedModelProvider.java:138) Supplementaries (supplementaries), Version: 1.20-2.7.35 Issue tracker URL: [https://github.com/MehVahdJukaaSupplementaries/issues](https://github.com/MehVahdJukaaSupplementaries/issues) at TRANSFORMEsupplementaries@1.20-2.7.35/net.mehvahdjukaar.supplementaries.client.renderers.tiles.BookPileBlockTileRenderer.renderBook(BookPileBlockTileRenderer.java:133) Moonlight Library (moonlight), Version: 1.20-2.9.10 Issue tracker URL: [https://github.com/MehVahdJukaaMoonlight/issues](https://github.com/MehVahdJukaaMoonlight/issues) at TRANSFORMEmoonlight@1.20-2.9.10/net.mehvahdjukaar.moonlight.api.platform.forge.ClientHelperImpl.getModel(ClientHelperImpl.java:220) Lazurite (lazurite), Version: 1.0.2+mc1.20.1 Issue tracker URL: [https://github.com/Su5eD/Lazurite/issues](https://github.com/Su5eD/Lazurite/issues) Mixin class: link.infra.indium.mixin.sodium.MixinChunkBuilderMeshingTask Target: me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.tasks.ChunkBuilderMeshingTask at TRANSFORMExenon@0.3.11+mc1.20.1/me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.tasks.ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.redirect$fde000$lazurite$onRenderBlock(ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.java:2046) Xenon (xenon), Version: 0.3.11+mc1.20.1 at TRANSFORMExenon@0.3.11+mc1.20.1/me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.pipeline.BlockRenderer.getGeometry(BlockRenderer.java:167) 

Stacktrace:

at org.embeddedt.modernfix.dynamicresources.DynamicBakedModelProvider.isVanillaTopLevelModel(DynamicBakedModelProvider.java:138) \~\[modernfix-forge-5.13.0+mc1.20.1.jar%23619!/:5.13.0+mc1.20.1\] {re:mixin,re:classloading} 

-- Block being rendered --
Details:

Block: Block{supplementaries:book\_pile}\[books=1,waterlogged=false\] Block location: World: (-1162,131,-955), Section: (at 6,3,5 in -73,8,-60; chunk contains blocks -1168,-64,-960 to -1153,319,-945), Region: (-3,-2; contains chunks -96,-64 to -65,-33, blocks -1536,-64,-1024 to -1025,319,-513) Chunk section: RenderSection at chunk (-73, 8, -60) from (-1168, 128, -960) to (-1153, 143, -945) Render context volume: BoundingBox{minX=-1170, minY=126, minZ=-962, maxX=-1151, maxY=145, maxZ=-943} 

Stacktrace:

at me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.tasks.ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.execute(ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.java:137) \~\[xenon-0.3.11+mc1.20.1.jar%23710!/:?\] {re:mixin,re:computing\_frames,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.oculus.compat.sodium.json:block\_id.MixinChunkRenderRebuildTask from mod oculus,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.oculus.compat.sodium.json:shader\_overrides.MixinChunkBuilderMeshingTask from mod oculus,pl:mixin:APP:flywheel.sodium.mixins.json:ChunkBuilderMeshingTaskMixin from mod flywheel,pl:mixin:APP:indium.mixins.json:sodium.MixinChunkBuilderMeshingTask from mod lazurite,pl:mixin:A} at me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.tasks.ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.execute(ChunkBuilderMeshingTask.java:50) \~\[xenon-0.3.11+mc1.20.1.jar%23710!/:?\] {re:mixin,re:computing\_frames,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.oculus.compat.sodium.json:block\_id.MixinChunkRenderRebuildTask from mod oculus,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.oculus.compat.sodium.json:shader\_overrides.MixinChunkBuilderMeshingTask from mod oculus,pl:mixin:APP:flywheel.sodium.mixins.json:ChunkBuilderMeshingTaskMixin from mod flywheel,pl:mixin:APP:indium.mixins.json:sodium.MixinChunkBuilderMeshingTask from mod lazurite,pl:mixin:A} at me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.executor.ChunkJobTyped.execute(ChunkJobTyped.java:44) \~\[xenon-0.3.11+mc1.20.1.jar%23710!/:?\] {re:computing\_frames,re:classloading} at me.jellysquid.mods.sodium.client.render.chunk.compile.executor.ChunkBuilder$WorkerRunnable.run(ChunkBuilder.java:207) \~\[xenon-0.3.11+mc1.20.1.jar%23710!/:?\] {re:classloading} at java.lang.Thread.run(Thread.java:833) \~\[?:?\] {re:mixin} 

-- Affected level --
Details:

All players: 1 total; \[LocalPlayer\['LittleStinky04'/1128, l='ClientLevel', x=-1173.35, y=133.00, z=-946.85\]\] Chunk stats: 453, 453 Level dimension: minecraft:overworld Level spawn location: World: (-7,64,-1787), Section: (at 9,0,5 in -1,4,-112; chunk contains blocks -16,-64,-1792 to -1,319,-1777), Region: (-1,-4; contains chunks -32,-128 to -1,-97, blocks -512,-64,-2048 to -1,319,-1537) Level time: 38272887 game time, 366000 day time Server brand: forge Server type: Non-integrated multiplayer server 

Stacktrace:

at net.minecraft.client.multiplayer.ClientLevel.m\_6026\_(ClientLevel.java:455) \~\[client-1.20.1-20230612.114412-srg.jar%23726!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:fml:xaerominimap:xaero\_clientworldclass,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_clientworldclass,pl:connector\_pre\_launch:A,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:fml:xaerominimap:xaero\_clientworldclass,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_clientworldclass,pl:mixin:APP:xenon.mixins.json:features.render.world.ClientLevelMixin from mod xenon,pl:mixin:APP:citadel.mixins.json:client.ClientLevelMixin from mod citadel,pl:mixin:APP:supplementaries-common.mixins.json:ClientLevelMixin from mod supplementaries,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.oculus.vertexformat.json:block\_rendering.MixinClientLevel from mod oculus,pl:mixin:APP:krypton.mixins.json:client.fastchunkentityaccess.ClientWorldMixin from mod krypton,pl:mixin:APP:lithium.mixins.json:chunk.entity\_class\_groups.ClientWorldMixin from mod radium,pl:mixin:APP:flywheel.mixins.json:ClientLevelMixin from mod flywheel,pl:mixin:APP:entityculling.mixins.json:ClientWorldMixin from mod entityculling,pl:mixin:APP:lambdynlights.mixins.json:ClientWorldMixin from mod ryoamiclights,pl:mixin:APP:blue\_skies.mixins.json:ClientLevelMixin from mod blue\_skies,pl:mixin:APP:bclib.mixins.client.json:ClientLevelMixin from mod bclib,pl:mixin:APP:architectury.mixins.json:MixinClientLevel from mod architectury,pl:mixin:APP:fabric-lifecycle-events-v1.client.mixins.json:ClientWorldMixin from mod fabric\_lifecycle\_events\_v1,pl:mixin:APP:farsight.mixins.json:ClientWorldMixin from mod farsight\_view,pl:mixin:APP:alexscaves.mixins.json:client.ClientLevelMixin from mod alexscaves,pl:mixin:APP:xenon.mixins.json:core.world.biome.ClientWorldMixin from mod xenon,pl:mixin:APP:xenon.mixins.json:core.world.map.ClientWorldMixin from mod xenon,pl:mixin:APP:forge-badoptimizations.mixins.json:tick.MixinClientWorldCloudColor from mod (unknown),pl:mixin:APP:forge-badoptimizations.mixins.json:tick.MixinClientWorldSkyColor from mod (unknown),pl:mixin:A,pl:connector\_pre\_launch:A,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} at net.minecraft.client.Minecraft.m\_91354\_(Minecraft.java:2319) \~\[client-1.20.1-20230612.114412-srg.jar%23726!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraft\_runtick,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraft\_runtick\_render\_call,xf:fml:xaerominimap:xaero\_minecraftclient,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraftclient,pl:connector\_pre\_launch:A,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraft\_runtick,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraft\_runtick\_render\_call,xf:fml:xaerominimap:xaero\_minecraftclient,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraftclient,pl:mixin:A,pl:connector\_pre\_launch:A,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} at net.minecraft.client.Minecraft.m\_91374\_(Minecraft.java:735) \~\[client-1.20.1-20230612.114412-srg.jar%23726!/:?\] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraft\_runtick,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraft\_runtick\_render\_call,xf:fml:xaerominimap:xaero\_minecraftclient,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraftclient,pl:connector\_pre\_launch:A,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraft\_runtick,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraft\_runtick\_render\_call,xf:fml:xaerominimap:xaero\_minecraftclient,xf:fml:xaeroworldmap:xaero\_wm\_minecraftclient,pl:mixin:A,pl:connector\_pre\_launch:A,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(Main.java:218) \~\[forge-47.2.17.jar:?\] {re:mixin,pl:connector\_pre\_launch:A,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:flywheel.mixins.json:ClientMainMixin from mod flywheel,pl:mixin:A,pl:connector\_pre\_launch:A,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} at jdk.internal.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke0(Native Method) \~\[?:?\] {} at jdk.internal.reflect.NativeMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(NativeMethodAccessorImpl.java:77) \~\[?:?\] {} at jdk.internal.reflect.DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.invoke(DelegatingMethodAccessorImpl.java:43) \~\[?:?\] {} at java.lang.reflect.Method.invoke(Method.java:568) \~\[?:?\] {re:mixin} at net.minecraftforge.fml.loading.targets.CommonLaunchHandler.runTarget(CommonLaunchHandler.java:111) \~\[fmlloader-1.20.1-47.2.17.jar:?\] {} at net.minecraftforge.fml.loading.targets.CommonLaunchHandler.clientService(CommonLaunchHandler.java:99) \~\[fmlloader-1.20.1-47.2.17.jar:?\] {} at net.minecraftforge.fml.loading.targets.CommonClientLaunchHandler.lambda$makeService$0(CommonClientLaunchHandler.java:25) \~\[fmlloader-1.20.1-47.2.17.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.LaunchServiceHandlerDecorator.launch(LaunchServiceHandlerDecorator.java:30) \~\[modlauncher-10.0.9.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.LaunchServiceHandler.launch(LaunchServiceHandler.java:53) \~\[modlauncher-10.0.9.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.LaunchServiceHandler.launch(LaunchServiceHandler.java:71) \~\[modlauncher-10.0.9.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.Launcher.run(Launcher.java:108) \~\[modlauncher-10.0.9.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.Launcher.main(Launcher.java:78) \~\[modlauncher-10.0.9.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.BootstrapLaunchConsumer.accept(BootstrapLaunchConsumer.java:26) \~\[modlauncher-10.0.9.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.modlauncher.BootstrapLaunchConsumer.accept(BootstrapLaunchConsumer.java:23) \~\[modlauncher-10.0.9.jar:?\] {} at cpw.mods.bootstraplauncher.BootstrapLauncher.main(BootstrapLauncher.java:141) \~\[bootstraplauncher-1.1.2.jar:?\] {} 

-- Last reload --
Details:

Reload number: 1 Reload reason: initial Finished: Yes Packs: vanilla, mod\_resources, file/Stay\_True\_1.20.zip, file/MandalasGUI+Modded\_Dakmode\_v4.6.zip, file/Mandalas\_Legacy\_Gui\_Background.zip, overrides\_pack, file/Created Simple Storage 1.3.zip, file/Aether Regenerated v1.1.2.zip, file/waystones\_1.20.zip, file/Icon Xaero's 1.13.zip, file/Better\_Modded\_GUI.zip, file/NoBushyLeaves.zip, fabric, Moonlight Mods Dynamic Assets, builtin/DAGoldenSwetBallFixClient, diagonalblocks:default\_block\_models 

-- System Details --
Details:

Minecraft Version: 1.20.1 Minecraft Version ID: 1.20.1 Operating System: Windows 10 (amd64) version 10.0 Java Version: 17.0.8, Microsoft Java VM Version: OpenJDK 64-Bit Server VM (mixed mode), Microsoft Memory: 1171134000 bytes (1116 MiB) / 5049942016 bytes (4816 MiB) up to 7046430720 bytes (6720 MiB) CPUs: 4 Processor Vendor: GenuineIntel Processor Name: Intel(R) Core(TM) i5-4460 CPU @ 3.20GHz Identifier: Intel64 Family 6 Model 60 Stepping 3 Microarchitecture: Haswell (Client) Frequency (GHz): 3.19 Number of physical packages: 1 Number of physical CPUs: 4 Number of logical CPUs: 4 Graphics card #0 name: Intel(R) HD Graphics 4600 Graphics card #0 vendor: Intel Corporation (0x8086) Graphics card #0 VRAM (MB): 1024.00 Graphics card #0 deviceId: 0x0412 Graphics card #0 versionInfo: DriverVersion=20.19.15.4531 Graphics card #1 name: NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1060 3GB Graphics card #1 vendor: NVIDIA (0x10de) Graphics card #1 VRAM (MB): 3072.00 Graphics card #1 deviceId: 0x1c02 Graphics card #1 versionInfo: DriverVersion=31.0.15.4665 Memory slot #0 capacity (MB): 8192.00 Memory slot #0 clockSpeed (GHz): 1.60 Memory slot #0 type: DDR3 Memory slot #1 capacity (MB): 8192.00 Memory slot #1 clockSpeed (GHz): 1.60 Memory slot #1 type: DDR3 Virtual memory max (MB): 27052.93 Virtual memory used (MB): 21447.64 Swap memory total (MB): 10752.00 Swap memory used (MB): 732.73 JVM Flags: 4 total; -XX:HeapDumpPath=MojangTricksIntelDriversForPerformance\_javaw.exe\_minecraft.exe.heapdump -Xss1M -Xmx6720m -Xms256m Loaded Shaderpack: (off) Launched Version: forge-47.2.17 Backend library: LWJGL version 3.3.1 build 7 Backend API: NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1060 3GB/PCIe/SSE2 GL version 4.6.0 NVIDIA 546.65, NVIDIA Corporation Window size: 1360x768 GL Caps: Using framebuffer using OpenGL 3.2 GL debug messages: Using VBOs: Yes Is Modded: Definitely; Client brand changed to 'forge' Type: Client (map\_client.txt) Graphics mode: fancy Resource Packs: vanilla, mod\_resources, file/Stay\_True\_1.20.zip, file/MandalasGUI+Modded\_Dakmode\_v4.6.zip, file/Mandalas\_Legacy\_Gui\_Background.zip, builtin/overrides\_pack, file/Created Simple Storage 1.3.zip, file/Aether Regenerated v1.1.2.zip, file/waystones\_1.20.zip, file/Icon Xaero's 1.13.zip, file/Better\_Modded\_GUI.zip, file/NoBushyLeaves.zip, fabric, Moonlight Mods Dynamic Assets, builtin/DAGoldenSwetBallFixClient (incompatible) Current Language: en\_us CPU: 4x Intel(R) Core(TM) i5-4460 CPU @ 3.20GHz Sinytra Connector: 1.0.0-beta.36+1.20.1 SINYTRA CONNECTOR IS PRESENT! Please verify issues are not caused by Connector before reporting them to mod authors. If you're unsure, file a report on Connector's issue tracker. Connector's issue tracker can be found at https://github.com/Sinytra/Connectoissues. Installed Fabric mods: ================================================== ============================== ============================== ==================== Eldritch\_End-FORGE-MC1.20.1-0.2.31\_mapped\_srg\_1.20 Eldritch End eldritch\_end 0.2.31 better-end-4.0.11\_mapped\_srg\_1.20.1.jar Better End betterend 4.0.11 bclib-3.0.14$wunderlib-1.1.5\_mapped\_srg\_1.20.1.jar WunderLib wunderlib 1.1.5 bclib-3.0.14\_mapped\_srg\_1.20.1.jar BCLib bclib 3.0.14 inventorymanagement-1.3.1+1.20\_mapped\_srg\_1.20.1.j Inventory Management inventorymanagement 1.3.1 spawnersplus-2.0.1-1.20.1\_mapped\_srg\_1.20.1.jar Spawners+ spawners\_plus 2.0.1-1.20.1 ModLauncher: 10.0.9+10.0.9+main.dcd20f30 ModLauncher launch target: forgeclient ModLauncher naming: srg ModLauncher services: mixin-0.8.5.jar mixin PLUGINSERVICE eventbus-6.0.5.jar eventbus PLUGINSERVICE fmlloader-1.20.1-47.2.17.jar slf4jfixer PLUGINSERVICE fmlloader-1.20.1-47.2.17.jar object\_holder\_definalize PLUGINSERVICE fmlloader-1.20.1-47.2.17.jar runtime\_enum\_extender PLUGINSERVICE fmlloader-1.20.1-47.2.17.jar capability\_token\_subclass PLUGINSERVICE accesstransformers-8.0.4.jar accesstransformer PLUGINSERVICE fmlloader-1.20.1-47.2.17.jar runtimedistcleaner PLUGINSERVICE modlauncher-10.0.9.jar mixin TRANSFORMATIONSERVICE modlauncher-10.0.9.jar redirector TRANSFORMATIONSERVICE modlauncher-10.0.9.jar fml TRANSFORMATIONSERVICE modlauncher-10.0.9.jar mixin-transmogrifier TRANSFORMATIONSERVICE modlauncher-10.0.9.jar connector\_loader TRANSFORMATIONSERVICE FML Language Providers: minecraft@1.0 Configured Defaults@8.0.1 javafml@null kotlinforforge@4.10.0 lowcodefml@null 

I (21, FtM) am from small, relatively conservative city. Im closeted due to family circumstances, so most people tend to perceive me as a woman. Im only out online and to a very small group of high school friends irl (most of whom i haven’t talked to since graduation)
I’m going to a speed dating thing this week because I’m lonely and never really had a partner before. My only problem is that if i DO end up meeting someone there, how do i tell them i’m actually not a woman?? I would hate to lead some poor cishet guy on for God knows how long, but I’m also afraid of how he might react if i tell him. And if he gets pissed and outs me to my whole family, I’m fucked.
I know I’m probably overthinking things, but does anyone have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated.

First of all thanks for even's help
Now enjoy!
{Next day}
Yumeko: "wakey wakey its time for our date, come on, wake up"
Yun: "ah good morning... Date?"
Yumeko: "yes pookie, you're going with me today≈"
Yun: " I DO NOT WANT TO"
Yumeko: "why did your personality change overnight..."
Yun: "change..?"
Then he gets a flashback of what happened last night and unlocked tomato mode again
Yumeko: "ara ara you get me laughing everytime you make this expression"
Yun: "seriously stop your ara ara and NO I'm not going with you on a date..."
Yumeko: "ara ara if you say so I'm not gonna stop at all, and are you sure you don't want to go on a date with a pretty girl like me..?"
Yun: "seriously n-"
Yumeko shows him a picture of both of them sleeping and hugging each other "should I show this picture to my dad and tell him what happened≈"
Yun says while panicking "wh- what happened.. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!"
Yumeko: "well, nothing happened but I can just lie y'know≈"
Yun: "you won't be able to anymore"
Yumeko: "wha-" until she notices his phone recording
"You seriosly..."
Yun: "well, bye no-"
"What the fuck was that"
Yumeko: "don't overestimate yourself"
Yun: "you also did this last time, are you some kind of an assassin?"
Yumeko: "maybe? Now let's go≈"
Yun: "since I'll have to go anyway then cook breakfast for me"
Yumeko: "you're taking the chance I see, don't try taking the phone since you won't be able to and I don't wanna hurt you..."
Yun: "why should I even escape when I'm with someone as beautiful as you≈"
Yumeko: "you trynna flirt with me now? If you keep doing that I'll treat you better≈"
{After a few minutes}
Yun: "woah you're surely good at cooking, now let's ea-"
Yumeko: "you can only eat the food I cook by my own hands≈"
Yun: "... Fine"
Yumeko: "you're really falling for me, aren't you?"
Yun: "whatever let's just eat"
Yumeko: "you really wanna eat it huh? Sure I'll keep cooking for you if you co-"
Yun: "I'm not going stop trying, I have responsibilities left here..."
The room went silence...
Yun: "damn, this is what happens when you say that, stop ruining the mood!"
Yumeko: "so its my fault, yeah its always been my fault, since I was a little child, everything I did was wrong" sob sob
Yun: "wait are you crying...? I'm sorry for saying that so stop..."
Yumeko: pfft "seriously you can't deny it anymore just accept the fact you fell for me≈"
Yun: 💢💢💢
{A while later}
Yumeko: huff "we finally got outside, I thought we won't be able to at all"
Yun: "so where do you wanna go?"
{At the same time in gangseo}
Adrienne: "if you don't come with me on a date I'll tell Adrian you acknowledged he was much stronger than you"
Chin: "huh let's just go to the gy-"
Adrienne: "NO! I want a normal date for once!"
Chin: "fine, where do you wanna go?"
Adrienne: "Yang-Cheong!"
Chin: "why can't we just go on a date here in gangseo?"
Adrienne: "shut up and follow me!"
{Back to Yun and Yumeko}
"that looks good too..." Yun says in an exhausted state
Yumeko: "hmm are you sure?"
Yun: "I don't know, if you buy more I'm gonna die" (he's lifting a ton of clothes)
???: "I don't think that dress suit you"
Yumeko: "do you think so? Wait who are you?"
???: "oh forgot to introduce myself, my name is Adrienne!"
Yun: "Adrienne? Are you Adrian's sister or something?"
Adrienne: "do you know my brother?"
Yun: "wait, you really are siblings?!"
Adrienne: "ye-"
Chin: "huh did you finish your shopping yet? I'm tired of waiting"
Adrienne: "stop ruining the mood bitch"
Chin: "what moo-"
Wait, Yun...? And...
Yumeko: "the name is Yumeko"
Chin: "I didn't know you changed your simping target"
Yumeko: "changed what? You gotta E X P L A I N T H I S T O M E"
Yun: "Chin you motherfucker!"
Chin: "didn't mean to do that"
Adrienne: "I think this one will suit you more, and its like the one I bought so we'll look like besties, Yumeko"
Yumeko: "you really got a good taste in clothes"
Yun and Chin: (thanks Adrienne!)
Adrienne: "do you wanna go on a double date?"
Chin: N-
Adrienne: "I wasn't asking you"
Yumeko: "never tried one before, I'd like to do that!"
Adrienne: "me too"
Chin: "you girls seriously see us as pets"
Adrienne: "I don't know about him but you definitely are"
Yumeko: "both are our pets"
Yun thinks: (why am I even here?)
Adrienne: "should we try bowling?"
Yumeko: "2v2 couples bowling battle"
{In conclusion, Yun gets the win by throwing the ball with his six fingers}
Yumeko: "your fingers are really amazing and helpful, let me bite them≈"
Yun trynna get her away but she keeps following him while Chin and Adrienne were watching
Chin "I like her, she seems like one of my people"
Adrienne after punching Chin in the nose: "shut the fuck up you cheater!"
Chin: "you are the only person that made me cheat
Adrienne: "that's exactly the reason why you can't be trusted, once a cheater, always a cheater"
After the long and funny day these four had together, there bond became stronger.
Yun: "hey Yumeko where are you going now?"
Yumeko: "of course I'm going home"
Yun: "can I go with you today too..."
Yumeko: "my≈ my≈ it looks like I fell for you first but you fell for me more≈"
Yun: "yes... I wanna enjoy every moment with you before you return to Japan... I wish I could come with you but as I said I have responsibilities left here..."
Yumeko: "wait, did you just confess to me right now?"
Yun: "yeah I did" then he hugs her
???: "Y U M E K O how dare you do something like this with a random korean boy" then he blitz them and knocks Yun out
???
Strength: ??
Speed: ??
Potential: ??
Intelligence: ??
Endurance: ??

Notes:

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I pay with the following:
TF2 & PayPal
 

I BUY HB Games	with TF2	with PayPal	Currently Active Humble Bundle?
7 Days to Die	0.8 TF2	$1.56 PP	-
A Little To The Left	2.1 TF2	$3.98 PP	-
Alien: Isolation	1.5 TF2	$2.93 PP	-
Aliens: Fireteam Elite	1.4 TF2	$2.69 PP	-
Arma 3	4.2 TF2	$7.95 PP	-
Assetto Corsa Ultimate Edition	1.9 TF2	$3.56 PP	-
Automobilista 2	1.6 TF2	$3.03 PP	-
BIOMUTANT	1.4 TF2	$2.75 PP	-
BROFORCE	0.8 TF2	$1.46 PP	-
Baldur's Gate II: Enhanced Edition	0.8 TF2	$1.43 PP	-
Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition	0.8 TF2	$1.44 PP	-
Barony	2.6 TF2	$4.9 PP	-
Barotrauma	3.8 TF2	$7.26 PP	-
Batman - The Telltale Series	1.3 TF2	$2.43 PP	-
Batman Arkham Collection	1.1 TF2	$2.08 PP	-
Batman: Arkham Origins	0.6 TF2	$1.21 PP	-
Batman™: Arkham Knight Premium Edition	1.0 TF2	$1.83 PP	-
Bayonetta	0.7 TF2	$1.34 PP	-
Beyond Two Souls	1.7 TF2	$3.31 PP	-
Blasphemous	1.4 TF2	$2.69 PP	-
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night	0.5 TF2	$0.91 PP	-
Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe Edition	4.9 TF2	$9.36 PP	-
Borderlands 3	3.1 TF2	$5.88 PP	-
Borderlands: The Handsome Collection	3.0 TF2	$5.73 PP	-
Builder Simulator	0.4 TF2	$0.78 PP	-
Celeste	0.8 TF2	$1.57 PP	-
Chernobylite Enhanced Edition	0.9 TF2	$1.78 PP	-
Cities: Skylines	2.2 TF2	$4.18 PP	-
Code Vein	1.2 TF2	$2.26 PP	-
Conan Exiles	2.5 TF2	$4.79 PP	-
Contractors	2.9 TF2	$5.56 PP	-
Control Ultimate Edition	2.6 TF2	$4.85 PP	-
Crusader Kings III	4.4 TF2	$8.38 PP	-
DARK SOULS™ II: Scholar of the First Sin	4.8 TF2	$9.15 PP	-
DEATH STRANDING DIRECTOR'S CUT	4.4 TF2	$8.34 PP	-
DRAGON BALL XENOVERSE 2	2.3 TF2	$4.44 PP	-
Dark Souls III	7.2 TF2	$13.74 PP	-
Dark Souls III: Deluxe Edition	9.9 TF2	$18.86 PP	-
DayZ	10.6 TF2	$20.07 PP	-
Dead Island - Definitive Edition	0.8 TF2	$1.52 PP	-
Dead Island Definitive Collection	0.9 TF2	$1.72 PP	-
Dead Island Riptide Definitive Edition	0.7 TF2	$1.24 PP	-
Dead by Daylight	3.1 TF2	$5.97 PP	-
Deep Rock Galactic	3.0 TF2	$5.62 PP	-
Destiny 2: Beyond Light	1.0 TF2	$1.85 PP	-
Destiny 2: Bungie 30th Anniversary Pack	1.3 TF2	$2.47 PP	-
Destiny 2: Forsaken Pack	1.0 TF2	$1.9 PP	-
Destiny 2: Lightfall	4.0 TF2	$7.55 PP	-
Destiny 2: Shadowkeep	1.0 TF2	$1.93 PP	-
Destiny 2: The Witch Queen	2.0 TF2	$3.85 PP	-
Destroy All Humans! 2 - Reprobed	0.7 TF2	$1.4 PP	-
Devil May Cry HD Collection	1.8 TF2	$3.45 PP	-
Devil May Cry® 4 Special Edition	1.4 TF2	$2.74 PP	-
DiRT Rally	0.8 TF2	$1.51 PP	-
Disco Elysium - The Final Cut	1.6 TF2	$2.95 PP	-
Doom Eternal	2.2 TF2	$4.17 PP	-
Dragon Ball FighterZ	2.0 TF2	$3.79 PP	-
Dragons Dogma - Dark Arisen	0.9 TF2	$1.77 PP	-
Dungeon Defenders	3.0 TF2	$5.78 PP	-
EARTH DEFENSE FORCE 5	4.3 TF2	$8.2 PP	-
ELEX II	0.8 TF2	$1.57 PP	-
Europa Universalis IV	3.2 TF2	$6.16 PP	-
Expeditions: Rome	0.5 TF2	$0.89 PP	-
FTL: Faster Than Light	0.7 TF2	$1.41 PP	-
Fallout: A Post Nuclear Role Playing Game	0.4 TF2	$0.81 PP	-
Farming Simulator 19	2.2 TF2	$4.23 PP	-
For The King	0.5 TF2	$0.92 PP	-
Forager	0.8 TF2	$1.58 PP	-
Frostpunk	0.8 TF2	$1.51 PP	-
GRID 2	1.9 TF2	$3.66 PP	-
Gang Beasts	2.6 TF2	$4.97 PP	-
Gas Station Simulator	3.1 TF2	$5.8 PP	-
Generation Zero®	0.7 TF2	$1.36 PP	-
Ghostwire Tokyo	1.4 TF2	$2.69 PP	-
Goat Simulator	0.4 TF2	$0.8 PP	-
Golf It!	1.8 TF2	$3.42 PP	-
Gotham Knights	1.5 TF2	$2.83 PP	-
Graveyard Keeper	0.5 TF2	$0.9 PP	-
Grim Dawn	2.5 TF2	$4.66 PP	-
Hell Let Loose	7.1 TF2	$13.47 PP	-
Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice	1.4 TF2	$2.69 PP	-
Hitman Absolution	0.4 TF2	$0.79 PP	-
Hollow Knight	3.4 TF2	$6.43 PP	-
Homeworld Remastered Collection	0.4 TF2	$0.78 PP	-
Hotline Miami	0.5 TF2	$0.87 PP	-
House Flipper	2.0 TF2	$3.89 PP	-
Injustice 2 Legendary Edition	0.6 TF2	$1.2 PP	-
Into the Radius VR	2.9 TF2	$5.5 PP	-
Jurassic World Evolution 2	2.7 TF2	$5.19 PP	-
Just Cause 3 XXL Edition	1.4 TF2	$2.63 PP	-
Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes	1.7 TF2	$3.16 PP	-
Kerbal Space Program	1.1 TF2	$2.07 PP	-
Killing Floor 2	0.6 TF2	$1.14 PP	-
Kingdom: Two Crowns	1.5 TF2	$2.94 PP	-
LEGO Marvel Super Heroes 2 - Deluxe Edition	0.9 TF2	$1.77 PP	-
LEGO Star Wars : The Complete Saga	0.6 TF2	$1.17 PP	-
LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars	0.6 TF2	$1.22 PP	-
LEGO® City Undercover	0.7 TF2	$1.3 PP	-
LEGO® Jurassic World™	0.8 TF2	$1.57 PP	-
Lethal League Blaze	1.8 TF2	$3.44 PP	-
Life is Strange 2 Complete Season	1.4 TF2	$2.72 PP	-
Life is Strange: True Colors	1.5 TF2	$2.82 PP	-
Little Nightmares	1.1 TF2	$2.06 PP	-
Loop Hero	0.8 TF2	$1.44 PP	-
METAL GEAR SOLID V: THE PHANTOM PAIN	3.3 TF2	$6.31 PP	-
METAL GEAR SOLID V: The Definitive Experience	3.5 TF2	$6.61 PP	-
Mad Max	0.7 TF2	$1.3 PP	-
Mafia: Definitive Edition	2.4 TF2	$4.56 PP	-
Mass Effect™ Legendary Edition	4.7 TF2	$8.87 PP	-
MechWarrior 5: Mercenaries	2.6 TF2	$4.89 PP	-
Men of War: Assault Squad 2 Deluxe Edition	1.3 TF2	$2.4 PP	-
Metro 2033 Redux	0.5 TF2	$0.92 PP	-
Metro Exodus	1.3 TF2	$2.47 PP	-
Metro Redux Bundle	0.7 TF2	$1.25 PP	-
Middle-earth™: Shadow of War™ Definitive Edition	0.9 TF2	$1.65 PP	-
Midnight Ghost Hunt	0.8 TF2	$1.45 PP	-
Monster Hunter World: Iceborne	3.5 TF2 Refer To My Other Thread	$6.73 PP Refer To My Other Thread	Monster Hunter: World & Rise Saga Bundle
Monster Hunter: World	2.0 TF2 Refer To My Other Thread	$3.87 PP Refer To My Other Thread	Monster Hunter: World & Rise Saga Bundle
Mordhau	1.9 TF2	$3.6 PP	-
Mortal Kombat XL	0.6 TF2	$1.13 PP	-
Mortal Shell	0.5 TF2	$0.97 PP	-
NASCAR Heat 5 - Ultimate Edition	0.4 TF2	$0.75 PP	-
NBA 2K23	5.3 TF2	$10.16 PP	-
Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 4	2.2 TF2	$4.18 PP	-
Naruto to Boruto Shinobi Striker	0.9 TF2	$1.76 PP	-
Nioh 2 - The Complete Edition	2.7 TF2	$5.18 PP	-
Nobody Saves the World	0.5 TF2	$0.95 PP	-
Northgard	2.4 TF2	$4.5 PP	-
Orcs Must Die! 3	1.6 TF2	$3.01 PP	-
Outlast 2	0.9 TF2	$1.68 PP	-
Overcooked! 2	1.2 TF2	$2.3 PP	-
PC Building Simulator	0.6 TF2	$1.14 PP	-
PGA TOUR 2K21	0.9 TF2	$1.8 PP	-
Plague Inc: Evolved	1.9 TF2	$3.56 PP	-
Planet Coaster	2.4 TF2	$4.59 PP	-
Planet Zoo	2.5 TF2	$4.75 PP	-
PlateUp!	1.0 TF2	$1.85 PP	-
Prison Architect	2.7 TF2	$5.14 PP	-
Project Wingman	1.5 TF2	$2.94 PP	-
RESIDENT EVIL 3	2.0 TF2	$3.76 PP	-
Rain World	0.9 TF2	$1.78 PP	-
Remnant: From the Ashes - Complete Edition	2.5 TF2	$4.69 PP	-
Resident Evil 4 Ultimate HD Edition	1.0 TF2	$1.83 PP	-
Resident Evil 5 GOLD Edition	1.1 TF2	$2.04 PP	-
Resident Evil 6	1.3 TF2	$2.46 PP	-
Resident Evil® 5	1.7 TF2	$3.18 PP	-
Rising Storm 2: Vietnam	0.5 TF2	$0.9 PP	-
Road 96	0.5 TF2	$1.02 PP	-
SCUM	4.7 TF2	$8.86 PP	-
STAR WARS® THE FORCE UNLEASHED II	0.6 TF2	$1.11 PP	-
STAR WARS™ Knights of the Old Republic™ II - The Sith Lords™	0.5 TF2	$0.91 PP	-
Satisfactory	5.0 TF2	$9.55 PP	-
Scorn	0.8 TF2	$1.49 PP	-
Sid Meier's Civilization VI	1.2 TF2	$2.33 PP	-
Slay the Spire	2.5 TF2	$4.79 PP	-
Sleeping Dogs™ Definitive Edition	1.0 TF2	$1.95 PP	-
Slime Rancher	1.1 TF2	$2.11 PP	-
Sniper Elite 4	1.0 TF2	$1.96 PP	-
Space Engineers	2.6 TF2	$4.91 PP	-
Spec Ops: The Line	4.3 TF2	$8.21 PP	-
SpeedRunners	0.4 TF2	$0.82 PP	-
Spintires: MudRunner	1.0 TF2	$1.85 PP	-
Squad	6.7 TF2	$12.77 PP	-
Star Wars Republic Commando™	0.4 TF2	$0.82 PP	-
Star Wars: Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy	0.4 TF2	$0.71 PP	-
Star Wars® Empire at War™: Gold Pack	0.6 TF2	$1.09 PP	-
State of Decay 2: Juggernaut Edition	4.9 TF2	$9.37 PP	-
Stellaris	3.3 TF2	$6.25 PP	-
Stellaris: Federations	2.7 TF2	$5.11 PP	-
Streets of Rogue	0.5 TF2	$0.91 PP	-
Subnautica	5.3 TF2	$10.08 PP	-
Sunset Overdrive	0.8 TF2	$1.52 PP	-
TEKKEN 7	1.9 TF2	$3.56 PP	-
The Ascent	0.6 TF2	$1.18 PP	-
The Dark Pictures Anthology: House of Ashes	1.3 TF2	$2.42 PP	-
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man of Medan	2.2 TF2	$4.21 PP	-
The Escapists 2	1.0 TF2 Refer To My Other Thread	$1.89 PP Refer To My Other Thread	Team17: From Gold Greens to Battle Scenes Bundle
The Jackbox Party Pack 3	2.3 TF2	$4.45 PP	-
The Jackbox Party Pack 5	2.3 TF2	$4.33 PP	-
The Jackbox Party Pack 7	3.6 TF2	$6.81 PP	-
The LEGO® Movie Videogame	0.4 TF2	$0.73 PP	-
The Mortuary Assistant	3.9 TF2	$7.41 PP	-
The Outer Worlds: Spacer's Choice Edition	2.7 TF2	$5.1 PP	-
The Quarry Deluxe Edition	2.7 TF2	$5.21 PP	-
The Universim	3.0 TF2	$5.78 PP	-
The Walking Dead: A New Frontier	0.7 TF2	$1.42 PP	-
The Walking Dead: Season Two	0.4 TF2	$0.79 PP	-
The Walking Dead: The Final Season	1.2 TF2	$2.25 PP	-
The Walking Dead: The Telltale Definitive Series	3.4 TF2	$6.41 PP	-
The Witness	0.8 TF2	$1.58 PP	-
The Wolf Among Us	1.3 TF2	$2.53 PP	-
Total War SHOGUN 2 Collection	1.8 TF2	$3.48 PP	-
Total War: Attila	1.6 TF2	$3.12 PP	-
Total War: Napoleon - Definitive Edition	1.6 TF2	$3.05 PP	-
Total War: ROME II - Emperor Edition	2.5 TF2	$4.68 PP	-
Total War™: WARHAMMER®	3.1 TF2	$5.96 PP	-
Totally Accurate Battle Simulator	1.7 TF2	$3.23 PP	-
Trailmakers	0.7 TF2	$1.37 PP	-
Tropico 6	1.6 TF2	$3.03 PP	-
Two Point Campus	1.0 TF2	$1.83 PP	-
Ultimate Chicken Horse	1.6 TF2	$2.96 PP	-
Unpacking	0.9 TF2	$1.8 PP	-
Unrailed!	0.9 TF2	$1.74 PP	-
VTOL VR	4.6 TF2	$8.76 PP	-
Victoria 3	1.4 TF2	$2.72 PP	-
Viscera Cleanup Detail	1.4 TF2	$2.74 PP	-
WRATH: Aeon of Ruin	0.7 TF2	$1.33 PP	-
WWE 2K23	6.7 TF2	$12.75 PP	-
Warhammer 40,000 Dawn of War III	2.2 TF2	$4.17 PP	-
Warhammer 40,000: Chaos Gate - Daemonhunters	1.9 TF2	$3.6 PP	-
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War - Master Collection	1.7 TF2	$3.28 PP	-
Warhammer: Vermintide 2	0.7 TF2	$1.41 PP	-
Wasteland 3	1.8 TF2	$3.46 PP	-
Witch It	1.4 TF2	$2.65 PP	-
Worms Armageddon	0.4 TF2	$0.84 PP	-
Yakuza 0	3.1 TF2	$5.82 PP	-
Yakuza 4 Remastered	0.5 TF2	$0.86 PP	-
Zombie Army 4: Dead War	1.1 TF2	$2.02 PP	-
rFactor 2	0.6 TF2	$1.11 PP	-

 
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I feel guilty because I prefer to stay alone than having friends or going out.. sometimes I think it's an excuse to being alone. I do not have friends and little things I like to do implies people, like biking or taking walks..
I prefer to stay at home with my cat than going out, sometimes I feel lonely and try dating apps but I get bored in a few minutes.
I don't have hobbies at the moment and tbh I stopped working with my father after 12 years cause I got tired of him being a shitty boss(among other things). Do I do have a lot of time to do something but I don't so much..

So at 2.5 the boys are flourishing. We’ll do the 2 mile circuit around the neighborhood, running and walking at their pace. There’s also a 5 mile loop around a local lake we’ve done a few times where I’ll have them hop in and out of a wagon depending on fatigue and how safe the immediate surroundings are.
They fall down sometimes, scrape a knee, or bump their little coconuts. It’s remarkable how quickly they bounce back. Things that used to cause melt downs barely phase them now, they’ll still cry when they munch it at speed, but the boys and I seem to have an agreed upon time limit for crying spells.
During a crying spell, I’ll pick them up and count softly to ten, holding them to my chest in a tight embrace. Upon reaching ten they’ll sniffle a couple times and they’re done crying. I inspect the booboo, and have them move the affected area, and tell them they’re fine and they’ll hit the ground running. Sometimes if they’re right near me I can tell them to shake it off and they do and keep on trucking. I never ask them if they’re okay because they don’t know I’m supposed to be the adult.
Working on fostering resilience. I don’t want them to be having melt downs at every bumped head, skinned knee, or jammed finger in front of all of their potential friends when they reach school age. They I mean they still hit and steal from each other, and have meltdowns over that, but at least they don’t with other children. Lot to work on still, but they’ve exceeded my wildest expectations thus far. I feel very blessed.

How to begin?
I'm a 38F; single.
My hobbies are D&D, art, video games, traveling, and karate. I play D&D every weekend, and go to karate 3xs/week. I work full-time doing tech-related things for a small department.
While I have "friends", I feel as though I'm often the only one reaching out to see how they are, or the only one wanting to spend time together.
I've given up the dating scene for now as it's been really disappointing after the last 3 months with local men, and a hurtful last year with falling for someone who never did (and still doesn't 'see me' or know what makes me tick.) He and I were friends before the situation, and still are, but he's distant; which sucks as I feel the closest to him more than anyone else in the area....though it may be one-sided at this point.
At work, I feel like an outlier as I don't fit in with the other girls in the department that I work with. Hobbies, age, body type; everything is different. Most of them are married as well. None of them do tech, and I feel awkward being in groups of women as most of my hobbies have always been male-dominated and I'm more comfortable talking about geek stuff than getting my nails done or the latest video on Tiktok.
D&D is fun, and I like several of the people that I play with, but they are all married/have children, while I have neither of those. And some of them are good friends of people who I don't get along with at all, and would rather not be around.
I love karate. I would go to class every day if I could. The dojo feels like my spiritual home, but it's small with a lot of kids. I would love to spend time with some of the people that go there, but they're always so busy; usually with their families or their jobs. They'll make promises to hang out, and not follow through. Or they'll make plans with me, and then change them without discussing them with me first; telling me afterwards when I've already made other plans and can't join them with their new plans.
I think the worst thing is hearing them talk about going home to their families, or the ones who are roommates; ask each other what they want for dinner as they walk out together...They say we're friends, but friends make time to hang out together, don't they? I often just end up sitting in my car for awhile after class; either in the parking lot or at home, as I don't want to return to an empty place. (I can't afford a pet right now.)
I spent 7.5 years teaching English both in Korea and Japan. The isolation and loneliness there was to be expected; with the language and cultural barrier and whatnot. I even got so lonely that I signed up for junk emails just so 'someone' would email me. I also started writing a diary and emails that I never sent to feel like maybe someone was hearing me. So I guess that I felt like when I got back here, I would naturally fall into friendships and relationships, but that hasn't been the case. My local friends from high school I feel as though I've outgrown, and my foreigner friends that I made in Japan aren't allowed to talk after a certain time, are busy with s/os, or are depressed so don't want to talk anymore.
I know that I'm "really cool" and a good person and friend with a big heart. I've heard it alot. But it just feels like if I were to slowly disappear, would people notice? Would they even care past the work I do or me being one of the few women at the dojo? I love the dojo, and I want to help there with whatever I can, but I often feel shot down when I offer to help with things; even if I have the skills or experience to help and they could really use my help.
Sometimes I fantasize that my friends would call upon me for help and support with something and I could swoop in there and be appreciated by them. I guess I just want to be wanted and needed by someone, if not something. I want to be included, and invited to things. I want to help my friends and have a strong bond with them and spend time outside of our shared hobbies with each other. I want to belong somewhere.
I miss the community that I had in high school. I tried joining community band here, but it didn't go well so I joined karate instead. My online gaming friends either are busy with their gfs and we very rarely game together now, or they no longer have a subscription to play online.
I've tried to embrace the fun parts about being alone; like staying in pajamas or staying up late or following my own plans. I'll take myself out to do fun things, like seeing a movie, or lunch, or the beach, but the novelty wears off when I get home and I'm alone and have no one to really share it with. Except Facebook.
While I was invited to a friend's birthday party last-minute, I'm also currently under an incredible amount of stress at the moment with my dad being in the hospital, and having to see him nearly every day. I haven't been able to focus on work, and when I get home, I'm mentally and physically tapped out. Household affairs have greatly fallen behind and it makes me come down on myself even harder...why do other people not have this problem and not break down and cry like I do? I've been so frustrated and hard on myself lately... I have a therapy appointment next month, but that's still so far away.
I just really need a hug, and an invitation to hang out with friends and be seen and understood without judgement.
Thank you for listening.

My friend recommended me a first time yakuza game that being "like a dragon ishin" since it was recently added to gamepass He said I would like it since I'm really into action games and since he knows I really liked ghost of tsushima when I played it a couple years ago. He loves the yakuza series and so i decided to give it a shot I watched a couple of reviews and both were very positive of the game But when I started it up and played a couple of hours I just really wasn't impressed at all, I was borderline annoyed. One of the reviews said it played like sekiro, so that guy clearly never played sekiro. I feel I should mention I play on an xbox one S And I really don't know if that has anything to do with my experience other than graphics. First off the general gameplay out of combat is very dated Its slow and clunky to move around Making my character run out of breath and him taking a second to get back to it is borderline criminal (though I understand how that might add to the "charm" of the game) I can't even walk in a circle when move my analog 360⁰ I'm able to make like 8 more circles before my character actually turns around due to an animation that plays when you turn Just everything about it feels incredibly dated despite it coming out recently It feels like a low end ps3 game and reminds me of shenmue 😭 This leaks into the combat as well it's very slow and clunky. My character is just frozen in place when doing a combo unless I actually make it connect first, there's 0 momentum to it and there very clear input delay that makes it hard to properly react to enemies attacks and the fact you're locked for 0.5 seconds after an evade. Id expect a lock on feature in a game like this but because I have to deliberately line up my body with an enemy and be standing within a foot of them to hit them it's makes the combat not very enjoyable. And finally the graphics, they're TERRIBLE hence why I brought up my console because it might just be that. The base settings were to prioritize graphics and it still looked blurry and the textures were muddy and blended into eachother. Once I switched to prioritize gameplay NOTHING CHANGED AT ALL. My games rocking a solid 30 fps (unacceptable when you are prioritizing gameplay) I feel like if anything they shouldve just made this game a next gen only if it's this terrible on last gen consoles I really wanna stick with it, I want to like it I dont wanna be a hater especially when everyone is always talking about how good the yakuza games are I just don't get it though, what am I missing?? Am I just a lost cause for this franchise??

I began to spontaneously LD last year after meditating consistently for about six months. I wasn’t trying to, and I still don’t try; it just happens randomly. Some are flying dreams, and I’m always a little nervous about it (in RL not a fan of heights). In my last one, I wanted to go faster and higher and I instinctively focused on the spot between my brows and used my third eye to navigate and regulate my speed. I took off!
This morning’s dream found me in New Orleans and I was standing outside of a house and I could see inside from the sidewalk. I realized that I was in fact dreaming and I began to wake up, and the details of the house began to zoom out. But I didn’t want to wake up, I told myself, so I again concentrated on that spot in my mind, and not only was I able to propel myself back into the dream—I zoomed in again, if you will— I was able to ‘walk’ through this house, admiring the rooms with greater detail, without ever going inside.
I know there is a technique using the third eye meditation to instigate an LD but nothing about what I experienced; intentionally using it within the dream itself. Has this happened to anyone else??

Back in 2016, I was working at a roadside diner west of St. Cloud, Minnesota. Neat little place, had a bit of a 60’s vibe to it, but without the hairdo. On the slow hours of the day, or whenever we just had locals around, I’d be humming along with the chefs playing radio out of the kitchen. It wasn’t an exciting time, but it was nice to have a workplace that felt like a second home.
A couple of weekends a month, we had an all-night crew to serve passing truckers. You usually never had to do more than one shift though, and we got to make own schedules. Our boss was pretty hands-off. It was during one of those shifts, at the first week of early summer, that my life took a turn for the worse – and I didn’t even realize it.

We were used to having the occasional odd customer during those hours of the day. When this guy walked in, I didn’t know what to think. He was about 6’2, bald, and pale as chalk. He wore this worn-out t-shirt that looked like it’d been on fire. With every step, he dragged his feet, and collapsed in one of our booths, seemingly exhausted.
I looked back at the chef, and he just shrugged. Guy wasn’t hurting anyone, but he didn’t look like he was all there. But a job’s a job, so I went up to him.
“You alright there?” I asked.
He looked up at me like I was speaking a foreign language, then sunk his head back down, gently shaking it.
“Nah,” he said. “I, uh… I don’t think I am.”
He had this voice on the knife’s edge between a hysterical laugh and a howling cry. He was trembling.
“You need me to call someone?”
“Call?”
“Yeah, call someone.”
“How?”

I didn’t understand the question. I figured he was coming down from some kind of binge, and I wasn’t about to take any chances. I asked the chef to get me a side of bacon to keep the guy calm while I called the police.
As I slid the plate over to him, he sunk his face into his hands, sobbing.
“T-thank you,” he cried. “I-I’m… please…”
I sat down across from him, instinctively reaching out to grab his hand. He let me. Even at a light touch, I could feel the scars on his palm and fingertips. Whatever’d happened to him, it must’ve been awful.
“I can’t go back,” he sniffled. “Don’t make me go back. I can’t. Please, I can’t.”
“You’re not going anywhere. It’s okay,” I smiled. “You’re safe here.”
“Can you help me?” he asked. “Can you keep him out?”
“I’m sure we can figure it out,” I nodded. “Just eat up. It’s okay.”

His fingers trembled as he tentatively bit off a piece of bacon. His teeth were black, and he flinched.
“I need time,” he said. “I need time to run.”
“Don’t worry,” I assured him. “We’ve called for help.”
“I just… I just need time.”
We just sat there for a while. He calmed his breathing but kept staring out the window. I could tell he was looking for something – or someone. All I could see was a road and a handful of moths. We sat there for some time, in silence, as he carefully nibbled on the slices of maple bacon.
As two police officers entered the diner, he got up from his seat. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bundle of scrunched-up trash. A couple of singles, a plastic card, dirt, and something resembling animal bones. He tried to straighten out the bills, pushing them into my hands along with the laminated card.
“Just… I need time. I’ll come back. Please.”
I didn’t understand. I just nodded and accepted it. Seconds later, the officers asked him to step outside and explain the situation. I got busy taking orders from a couple of passing truckers, watching glimpses of the scene through the window. A couple of minutes later, the strange man was taken away.

My shift ended at sunrise. I dragged myself to my car with a yawn, shuffling around my pockets for the keys. I hadn’t thought much about the items he’d handed me, but I took a closer look. I’d thrown away the animal bones and dirt, but there were a couple of dollar bills and that laminated card left. I checked the card first.
It looked like some kind of bookmark. On one side it was completely white, and on the other side there were dried blue flower petals arranged in a spiral. Kinda reminded me of a sunflower. And finally, there were the dollar bills.
I didn’t pay much attention to these at first. Just a couple of singles. But after a closer look, I noticed something unusual. There was a man on the bill that I didn’t recognize. It took me a couple of google searches to realize that this man was Walter Mondale – the man who’d lost to Ronald Reagan’s second run for president back in ’84. Why was this man on a one-dollar bill?

Before heading to bed, I put the items down on my nightstand. In a moment of silent wonder, I looked out the window. What had that man been looking for? What’d he been running from?
There was nothing out there.
Just a couple of moths.

Waking up the next morning, I had a full day off. I spent it cleaning my apartment, watching movies, having dinner with a couple of friends, and ending the night with a couple of drinks at the pub down on the corner. No binge or anything, just got a bit boozy. I was still gonna be in bed by midnight.
I took the scenic route home; a long walk. All the way down main street, past the lake. I took a shortcut through the park by the final stretch, speeding up a bit. That place was trouble.
As I hurried by the fountain, I spotted someone in the distance. A shrouded figure at the edge of the streetlights. I stopped to observe for a second, but as I did, the lights flickered. Coming back on, the figure was gone.
I chalked it up to imagination. I was a bit drunk, after all. Besides – it was small, like a child. What the hell would a kid be doing out at this hour?

A couple of days passed. I didn’t notice anything unusual, but I kept coming back to that distressing feeling of missing something important. Looking back at it now, I just feel dumb. He was there all along. Outside the supermarket. In the parking lot. Off the highway. Hell, he was outside my window at night sometimes, but just too short for me to spot.
I’m getting ahead of myself.
It wasn’t until one morning when I was driving to work that I got a clear view of him. I was crossing a four-way street, taking a sharp left turn, when I had to throw myself on the breaks. There was a kid in the middle of the street.
I hadn’t seen him that clearly before. He was probably around 6, maybe 7 years old. Wearing a plain black shirt and a pair of light blue canvas pants. Short black hair, dark eyes, and no shoes. That particular detail stuck with me. No shoes? Why?
I almost lost control, but I was lucky. There wasn’t much traffic, and I managed to stop further down the road. There were black lines in the pavement from my screeching tires swerving back and forth. Regaining my composure, I looked in the rear-view mirror.
The kid was gone.

But that was just the start.
I’d spot him every now and then. Looking out the window at work. At the gas station. A passing face in the crowd when shopping for groceries. Every now and then, something would pull on my attention, forcing me to whip my head around, looking for the source of that ill feeling crawling up my spine. Sometimes I saw him. And even worse – sometimes I didn’t.
I remember lying awake at night, hearing moths tap against my window. There was nothing else. Nothing outside. I patrolled my apartment six times, checking every window. I’d looked everywhere, and there was no reason for me to feel the way I did. I was growing paranoid.
And yet, in the morning, my front door was unlocked, and slightly open.

It all came to a head one afternoon when I was out on my smoke break. I’d barely slept for the past three nights, and you could kinda tell I was having a bad day. As I stood there, leaning against the side door of the diner, I see the kid again. This time just across the road, maybe 50 feet or so away. I’d had enough. This had to end.
I was furious. I stormed forward, calling him out with every slur and curse I could think of. I was psyching myself up. I was in the right, and I refused to be harassed anymore – kid or not. Didn’t matter. I crossed the road, barely dodging a speeding jeep, and met him face-to-face.
“What the hell do you want?!” I’d yell. “Why are you following me?!”
He was completely expressionless. He didn’t even flinch, no matter how much I pointed or screamed. I snapped my fingers in front of his eyes, and he didn’t even blink. He just stared at me, like a porcelain doll head on a swivel.

I wasn’t thinking about the bystanders though. A couple of middle-aged men stepped up, asking in no kind terms what the hell was wrong with me. I was held back and restrained. Someone called the police. Someone else called my manager – I’d forgotten to take off my apron, so they could see the diner logo. A couple of people filmed it. One of the videos got like 120k views in a day before it fell off the map. I still see it as a react gif sometimes.
It was a disaster. After a couple of officers came by to talk to me, he’d just disappeared into thin air. The officers took me down to the station – not to detain me, but to get me away from the heated crowd. That car ride downtown sobered me up to what the hell was going on. I was being stalked by this kid, but there wasn’t a living soul out there that would believe me.
Well, maybe one.
Maybe.

I was asked a couple of questions and released within about half an hour. They told me to go home and sleep this whole thing off. That wouldn’t be a problem. I didn’t have a job to go back to anyway, according to the (many) texts I’d gotten. I had all the goddamn time in the world.
I was just about to leave when something came to mind. The two officers who’d picked me up were still waiting by their car when I turned back to them.
“Sorry, you picked up the guy I called in about at the diner, right?” I asked.
“Sure did.”
“You got any idea what happened to him?”
The two looked at one another for a moment, shrugged, and turned to me.
“Didn’t have any ID and gave a fake name. I think they took him to psych.”
“Psych?”
“Well, he was saying some, uh… strange things. There were interviews with a, uh…”
The two quieted down and flashed me a smile.
“There’s not that much we can say.”

Coming home, I decided to get to the root of this. It didn’t take me that long to find the place where the guy’d been taken; there aren’t a lot of mental health facilities in this part of the country. Especially facilities that accept involuntary subjects.
But my eyes kept drifting back to the strange dollar bills he’d given me, resting neatly on my nightstand. They were so detailed. A bit old, sure, but that only made them seem more genuine. What the hell was he doing with a handful of clearly fake dollar bills? Like, what’s the purpose? There had to be a purpose.
That unnerved me.

I managed to arrange a meeting. It wasn’t easy, and I think a lot of it boiled down to the police having no idea what could make this guy talk. For some reason, he kept providing them with false information. Maybe a familiar face, for one reason or another, might make him talk.
Just a couple of days later, I was putting my items in a metal bowl on the second floor at a mental health institute in the next town over. I asked one of the nurses if I could keep one of my dollar bills. Apparently, that was okay.
I was shuffled through a couple of locked doors and escorted to an off-white side-room. No décor, no locks. The guy was already there.

He’d been dressed down into these neutral eggshell-white garbs. It was strange seeing him in a lit-up room like this. I didn’t know what to expect.
Getting a closer look at him, he was probably in his 50’s. It’d been hard to tell earlier. I couldn’t get over just how pale he was; it was almost a complete lack of pigment. It looked sickly. His thin arms didn’t help – he looked malnourished. And yet, he was smiling.
“Hello,” he said.
“Hello to you too,” I smiled. “You doing okay?”
“I’m… I’m pretty good,” he nodded. “Thank you.”
I sat down across from him and took out the dollar bill he’d given me.
“I wanted to ask you about this.”
“For the bacon,” he said, matter-of-factly.
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry, was that not enough?”
“No, it’s…”
I took a moment to compose myself. I had too many questions.

He sighed, took the bill, and looked it over. Looking back at me, I could tell there was something painful stirring in his mind. His smile slowly faded.
“Sorry,” he said. “I try to forget sometimes. It’s easier than making sense of it.”
“Let’s start with something simple,” I nodded. “Like… your name. Where you’re from.”
“Those things are pretty far from simple.”
He was looking straight through me; his eyes sinking back to deeper, more uncomfortable thoughts.

His name was Samuel, and he was born around these parts in back in the 1970’s. He’d worked as a telecommunications specialist out of St. Cloud back in the 90's. He had a wife, three children, and a four-bedroom house.
“But it… that was all before, see?” he explained. “Then it all just…”
“Just what?” I asked. “What happened?”
He looked at me, opening and closing his mouth, looking for the right words to come out. Nothing happened. He shook his head, trying again.
“It started with the street preachers,” he said. “Hundreds of them, marching on every city. All saying the same doomsday shit as always. World was dying. All coming to an end.”
“I haven’t seen anything like that.”
“Then there were storms,” he continued without skipping a beat. “Some would last for weeks. Others longer. Entire cities would be flooded or torn apart. Earthquakes causing monster waves along the east coast, sending shockwaves all the way to mainland Europe. Then, Yellowstone.”
“Yellowstone?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Lights out.”

Samuel was painting this apocalyptic vision of a world undone. Catastrophe after catastrophe. Hooded people marching the streets, screaming for the mercy of a mad god. But there was more to it.
“Then things stopped making sense. It’s as if the rules changed,” he continued. “Roads would stop leading home. Trees would change color. People turned twisted and corrupted. Like… one of our neighbors couldn’t eat anything but gunpowder. There was a woman just down the street who tried to kill anyone wearing glasses. It was… pandemonium.”
I didn’t say anything. What he was saying didn’t make any sense, but he was trying his best to keep his rambling coherent.
“The plants died. Trees too. The only thing that could grow in that environment were these twisted blue things that popped up out of nowhere. But people… people are what got twisted the most.”
He told me of these towering 7-foot-tall humanoid creatures that roamed the forests. Black as night – not even reflecting light. Arms reaching all the way to their knees. Elongated, inhuman things that all used to be someone he knew.

“The doomsayers all said the same thing,” he continued. “That God was a scared little boy, and that he was dying. Everything that was happening was just an expression of that ceaseless, bottomless, existential grief.”
Samuel looked back and forth, finally burying his face in his hands.
“It all broke down. Roads stopped leading anywhere. No power. No water. Julie changed. Ollie changed. Tobie made himself a mask and wandered off into the woods. Ira just… disappeared. And for… years? Has it been years? It’s just been me.”
“But you’re here, now,” I said. “And what you’re describing, it… it didn’t happen.”
“It happened,” he insisted. “Just not… here. But here.”
He tapped his finger on the single dollar bill.
“Somewhere, somehow, I must’ve taken a wrong turn. I slipped through something broken, and now I’m here. And… and he’s coming to bring me back. He doesn’t want anyone to leave.”
“Who?”
“Just! Just…” he chuckled. “Just a sad little boy who’s been told he’s going to die.”
I didn’t know what to say. I just sat with him for a while, holding his hand.

Before I left, Samuel got up from his chair. He looked at me, forcing himself to smile.
“If I go back, I’ll try not to… to be like them. I’ll try. And… and I’ll be the one to say something.”
He let out a painful little laugh, shaking his head.
“Maybe just a… hello.”

I left that day with more questions than answers. I couldn’t picture the world he’d lived through. Then again, how could it be true? None of it had happened. But what was he gaining from lying about it?
That was the last time I saw Samuel. A few days later, he went missing, as if he’d disappeared into thin air. I didn’t know what to think of it. There was nothing on the cameras – no one entering or leaving the building. No quick escapes, no clever plans. He’d just walked into his room and disappeared. Nothing left but a couple of moths fluttering about.
And for a while, that was it. That was the end of the story. I got busy looking for a new job, and all the little items given to me by Samuel was put away into a little box in my glove compartment. Life soldiered on, and no matter how many questions I had, there was no one around to answer them. Even the strange kid that’d been following me was, seemingly, gone.

A couple of months later, I was driving home from a friend’s place. I stopped at a four-way street, waiting for a couple of trucks to pass, when there was a knock on the passenger side window. I almost choked on my own spit. Scared me half to death.
Looking out, I could see that kid again. I hadn’t seen him for some time, and I quickly bounced between curiosity and downright anger.
“What do you want?” I yelled out.
There was no response. Instead, the door just opened. It’d been locked. As he opened the door, he pointed to the glove box.
“You want his things?” I asked. “Is that it?”
He nodded. I wanted to lash out, but there was something telling me I shouldn’t. Instead, I reached over, opened the glove compartment, and pointed to the box.
“Just take it and leave me alone,” I said. “Get it over with.”

He reached in and grabbed the box. So much effort for a couple of mementos. I turned my head back to face the road. The kid backed out. But of course, I had to get the last word in.
“Not even a thank you, huh?”
That made him pause. He looked at me, tilting his head. As he opened his mouth to speak, a moth fluttered out. Then another. And another.
Then – darkness.

What happened next is hard to describe. My memory of it is fragmented. It’s like trying to watch a buffering video, where long stretches of it are just nothing – but you know something was supposed to happen in-between.
Blink. I was sitting in my car. There was a dark blue sky. No clouds, no stars. Figures in the distance. An open field with blue flowers bending to a howling wind. A powerful stench of ammonia stinging my nostrils. Something to my immediate left, ripping the car door straight off the hinges.
Blink. Running. Ruins of a town. It seemed familiar, but there was barely anything left. My leg was bleeding. I was being followed. No matter where I turned, or where I ran, I seemed to end up at the same intersection.
Blink. A three-story building, brimming with life. Glimpses of arm-long antennae through the broken windows. Clickety-clack of bursting wings tapping against crumbling concrete. A loud warning shriek as something rubs its legs together; a call for prey.
Blink. Hiding in a tipped-over trash container. The rain has stopped in mid-air. Raindrops held in indefinite suspension. I suck water drops out of the air to quench my thirst. My hands are shaking from the blood loss.

Countless little images. Some in order, some not. I have no idea how much time passed. In the moment, it must’ve been much longer than I can remember. Days. Weeks, even. There’s no way to tell.
Blink. Walking through a barren field. It feels like walking through a dead forest, but there are no trees. Only those willingly impaled and wailing.
Blink. An abandoned booth by a broken highway. A sign offers phone calls, in exchange for “real teeth”. There are six sizes of pliers hanging on a wall within. All are bloodied – even the small ones.
Blink. The church that had burned down the night before had reappeared. The people inside, too. They couldn’t leave. Tonight, they would burn again.

Somewhere in this nightmarish puzzle-pieced fragment of nothing, there was a constant drive in me to get away. To get out. I knew that if I’d gotten there, I could get back home again. I just had no idea how. Maybe finding the kid. Asking. Begging. Something.
The last fragment of memory from that space was being cornered in a cellar. They were banging on the door. I’d tipped over a wardrobe to keep them out, but they weren’t going to stop. They were never going to stop. I couldn’t let them kill me again – not like that.
One of the Changed ones were coming. I don’t know what that means, or how I know the name, but I knew of it. There was a mirror, and I could see the signs. It stepped out. Seven feet tall, black as night. Elongated arms and neck. Barely a body at all – just a void space vaguely shaped like the remnants of a person.
Except this one felt… familiar. It was the first one to speak.
“H E L L O.”

Blink. Running. A cold hand. If I squeezed too hard, my fingers went straight through it. I had to keep up. He was showing me something.
Blink. They were flooding over the school bus, tipping it by their sheer numbers. Eruptions from the sewer grates. They were famished.
Blink. An open field. Sunflowers facing me, no matter where I turn. It’s not far.
Blink. I look back, as I’m pushed over the edge. He looks just like the rest of them. They aren’t angered by his betrayal.
They feel nothing, as I fall.

In February of 2017, I was found by the side of the road. I’d been gone for months. My car was too. I came back with nothing but the clothes on my back and countless scars. I’ve been told that I didn’t make any sense at first; I was just rambling nonsense. Or maybe it just sounded like nonsense to these people.
Over time, I forgot more and more of these fragmented images. And the less I remember, the more I can move on. Still, I’ve written them down over time, and they paint an ugly, insane picture of what I’d been going through. Some of which I, myself, have a hard time believing. Then again, I know myself well enough to see that there’s no point in lying.

I haven’t seen Samuel, or that strange kid ever since. I think this is all over, for now. There’s nothing left for me to give.
But even now, years later, I still wake up to that feeling at night. That there’s something wrong, or that I’m forgetting something. That there’s something near that I’m looking straight through, or past.
And every now and then, I hear the flutter of a moth’s wing, tapping against my bedroom window.
And I think I know what it wants.
It wants me to go back.

Offers:

All codes below are split where possible unless noted; please only redeem at the place agreed upon; please let me know if you don’t plan on redeeming the code right away.
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Have multiples of some codes.

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• ⁠Inherent Vice, HD
• ⁠Project X, HD
• ⁠Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny, HD
• ⁠We're the Millers, HD

Sony Buff Pass

Good for one of the following movies, redeemable via Movies Anywhere.

• Hancock, 4k
• My Girl, 4k
• Stripes, 4k
• The Blob, HD
• Blue Thunder, HD
• Born Yesterday, HD
• Bye Bye Birdie, HD
• Guess Who, HD
• Stir Crazy, HD
• Untraceable, HD

May Universal Rewards Code

Good for one of the following movies, redeemable via Movies Anywhere.

• Backdraft 2, 4k
• Black Christmas, 4k
• A Dog's Purpose, 4k
• The Sparks Brothers, 4k
• Agnes Browne, HD
• Antz, HD
• Being Frank, HD
• Don't Let Go, HD
• Final Account, HD
• Kicks, HD
• Loving, HD
• Raw, HD

HD MA or iTunes Disney Movie Codes

• Atlantis: Milo's Return, HD MA (ports to MA)
• Brother Bear, HD MA (ports to MA)
• Brother Bear 2, HD MA (ports to MA)
• The Fox and the Hound 2, HD MA (ports to MA)
• The Little Mermaid (1989), HD MA (ports to MA)
• The Lone Ranger, HD iTunes (ports to MA)
• Mary Poppins (1964), HD iTunes (ports to MA)
• Mulan (1998), HD MA (ports to MA)
• Oz the Great and Powerful, HD MA (ports to MA)
• Queen of Katwe, HD MA (ports to MA)
• Turning Red, HD MA (ports to MA)

HD MA, vudu, or iTunes Movie Codes

• Assassination Nation, HD MA (ports to MA)
• Boyhood, HD vudu
• Boyhood, HD iTunes
• Chicago (Diamond Edition), HD iTunes or HD vudu
• Danny Collins, HD iTunes (ports to MA) (Comes with 500 Universal Rewards Points)
• The Expendables 2, HD vudu
• Florence Foster Jenkins, HD iTunes
• The Gunman, HD iTunes (ports to MA) (Comes with 500 Universal Rewards Points)
• Home Again, HD MA (ports to MA)
• The Hunger Games, HD vudu
• I Feel Pretty, HD iTunes
• Ice Age: A Mammoth Christmas, HD MA (ports to MA)
• Indivisible, HD MA (Canada only)
• Megan Leavey, HD iTunes (ports to MA) (Comes with 500 Universal Rewards Points)
• The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature, HD iTunes (ports to MA) (Comes with 500 Universal Rewards Points)
• Paranormal Activity 3, HD vudu
• Paranormal Activity 3, HD iTunes
• The Purge, HD MA (ports to MA)
• Rio 2, HD MA (ports to MA)
• Same Kind of Different As Me, HD iTunes
• Selma, HD vudu
• Selma, HD iTunes
• Sinister, HD iTunes
• Snitch, HD vudu
• Super 8, HD vudu
• Tremors 5: Bloodlines, HD MA (ports to MA)
• The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, HD vudu
• Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection, HD vudu
• Walking With Dinosaurs: The Movie, HD MA (ports to MA)

HD Disney/Marvel/Star Wars Google Play Movie Codes (All Port to Movies Anywhere)

• Aladdin (2019), HD gp (ports to MA)
• Avengers: Endgame, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Beauty and the Beast (2017), HD gp (ports to MA)
• Big Hero 6, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Black Panther, HD gp (ports to MA)
• The Call of the Wild, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Captain America: The Winter Soldier, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Captain America: Civil War, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Cinderella (2015), HD gp (ports to MA)
• Coco, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Doctor Strange, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Finding Dory, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Frozen, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Frozen (Sing-Along Edition), HD gp (ports to MA)
• Good Dinosaur, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Guardians of the Galaxy, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Incredibles 2, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Inside Out, HD gp (ports to MA)
• The Lion King (2019), HD gp (ports to MA)
• The Little Mermaid (Animated), HD gp (ports to MA)
• Maleficent, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Mary Poppins (1964), HD gp (ports to MA)
• Moana, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Monsters University, HD gp (ports to MA)
• The Nightmare Before Christmas, HD gp (ports to MA), HD gp (ports to MA)
• Star Wars: The Force Awakens, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Star Wars: The Last Jedi, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Thor: The Dark World, HD gp (ports to MA), HD gp (ports to MA)
• Thor: Ragnarok, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Toy Story 4, HD gp (ports to MA)
• Zootopia, HD gp (ports to MA)

SD Movie Codes

• Hugo, SD vudu
• Rio, SD iTunes (ports to MA)
• The Vow, SD MA (ports to MA)

Requests:

Your lists and offers!