I was recently talking to my friend (who is a very light xtian), and I brought up my viewpoint on this matter which he said that he "had never heard before". So, I figured that I would bring it up here for discussion.
From my experience, most evangelical and Christians believe that in order to be saved, you need to truly repent of your sins and accept Jesus' blood sacrifice to wash your sins away. This invites the Holy Spirit (which equates to an activation of your conscious, aka 'gut feelings', etc) into your heart and life.
Once you are saved by the blood of Christ, you cannot be "un-saved". You are now a Christian, and are safe from hell.
Therein lies the dilemma. Once you do this and are permanently safe from hell, there is no motivation or obligation to do anything good for the world, moral, right etc.
Yes, the Bible and church will say that you should "aspire to live a Christ-like life, to bring others to him", but that is merely a recruitment method, which at the end of the day boils down to more money for the church.
The original motivation of avoiding hell, is averted, and is a much stronger motivation than just living a decent life after the act of becoming a Christian.
Also, Christians will actively defend their misdeeds by quoting some scriptures that say "we are not saved by works of righteousness, but by the blood of Christ" or some circular logical loophole.
Not only is there no motivation to do good, but there is ZERO punishment for doing wrong as a Christian. It's not like you can go to hell anymore, so who cares? Right? God will forgive at the end of the day.
This leads to most Christians never doing good things for our earth, nature, other people, helping resolve issues, making the world better, etc. In fact, Christians have actively been one of the world's predominant religions for millennia now, and have arguably made the world much worse, and never better.
Can anyone name a single historical society that was Christian run and became a better place for all people to live in?
Thoughts and Discussion on my viewpoints?

Hey, so I've been using FL Studio in order to create more dynamic mumble-speak esque voicelines for my games (for those not familiar with the specific term, it's the Banjo Kazooie 'every letter is a different toned SFX' approach). I originally did it this way so I could manually create a few specific 'audio phrases' using the SFX of choice, pitched up and down to communicate mood and intonation.
However, I want to go a little further, and I'd like advice on how I should go about this, as an amateur audio engineer.
Right now, I've mostly just been importing the 'voices' of specific characters into FL studio, fiddling around with the settings until I like it. However, I don't really like how my 'voicelines' are just one note/tone, and I wanted to add more into the mix. I want to do this by effectively, getting more samples from whatever I was using as the character's 'voice' and thus creating different syllables for them.
Problem is, I'm not sure how I should go about this more efficiently in FL Studio's workflow. I've previously just used one track per voiceline, but I'm not sure how I can coordinate multiple different instruments on the same track as I'm very inexperienced with music/sound software.
I'm not even sure if it's possible to have multiple instruments on the same track - but the process of switching back and forth on the instruments to try and coordinate it sounds like a really tiring affair, as if I want to make even the most minute change, I'd have to flip between two tracks over and over to make adjustments. Am I missing something? Either way, I hope someone can point me toward a better approach.

I have an exam for soft tissue treatment, the teacher said the focus is on tapotement. Can anyone introduce a good online free accessible i source for that. Also, I need to know some muscles and joints by heart, any source that I could find everything there? No time to search them here and there. And any experience on this exam is also very valuable. I put exam sample questions below, if you cab help me or advise me on how to study for that. It is long weekend here. My exam is on Tuesday. I have kids, and a part time job, and a lot behind my schedule for study, so every minute that can Help me save time is very valuable. Previously, I asked the teacher to change the date for me and he did not accept. I really dont want to fail😭
Q1) Muscle weakness of the.....................(30 marks). Draping Warm up tapotement Side effects of tapotement. Benefits of tapote ment. OTHER Scenario of Q1) Limitation of movement or fascial restriction...............(30 marks). Draping Warm up Variety fascial techniques Multiple directions Passive stretch Side effects Benefits Q2) Taut band in the …........................(30 marks) Draping. Warm up Muscle stripping to feel the MTrP. Ischemic compression. Referral pain pattern. Flush. Passive stretch. Q3) Limitation of joint ROM. Perform G3 glide Maitland’s oscillation technique Or Kaltenborn’s sustained translatory technique (30 marks) Draping. Stabilizing hand Moving hand Definition Performance Benefit.

Writer's Block? Befriend the Blank Page: How to Turn Creative Limbo into Literary Launchpad

Ah, writer's block. That looming shadow cast over every aspiring wordsmith, capable of transforming dreams of bestsellers into dust bunnies of despair. But fear not, fellow wordsmiths! For within the void of writer's block lies an untapped potential, a hidden wellspring of creativity waiting to be unleashed. Renowned authors, those alchemists of language, have not only navigated this block, they've used it to their advantage. Let's delve into their wisdom and emerge, not with writer's cramp, but with writer's CHAMP.
Embrace the Block:

• Paulo Coelho, the alchemist of words himself, advises: "Accept that some days you won't be brilliant." Treat writer's block not as a foe, but as a fallow field. It's a time for introspection, for nurturing your creative soil with experiences, observations, and even the occasional cat video (don't judge, Murakami).

Befriend the Unconventional:

• Neil Gaiman, the master of the fantastical, suggests: "Keep a notebook of ideas. Even if they seem stupid." Let your imagination run wild. Jot down bizarre scenarios, overheard conversations, or that dream where you rode a sentient pickle across the Milky Way. These seemingly nonsensical nuggets can morph into the seeds of your next masterpiece.

Insane Prompts to Spark Insanity:

• Write a love letter from a sentient toaster to a bathtub.
• Craft a haiku about the existential angst of a houseplant.
• Compose a grocery list that doubles as a murder mystery plot.
• Invent a new social media platform where users communicate only in emojis. Describe its societal impact.
• Channel your inner Shakespeare and write a sonnet about the ethical dilemma of wearing mismatched socks.

Steal Like an Artist:

• "What a writer does is take everything that's happened to him and make something else out of it," said Hemingway. Don't be afraid to borrow (ethically, of course) from your own experiences, or even from the works of others. Use them as springboards, not clones.

Rewrite with a Twist:

• Take a classic fairy tale and rewrite it from the villain's perspective.
• Reimagine a historical event with a fantastical twist. What if the dinosaurs never died, but evolved into sentient lizard-people?
• Flip the script on a popular genre. Write a horror comedy, a sci-fi romance, or a Western detective novel.

Remember:

• Progress, not perfection. Don't get bogged down in editing every sentence. Just write, even if it's garbage. You can polish the turd later.
• Write for yourself first. Don't be a slave to trends or expectations. Write the story that ignites your own passion.
• Fun is the fuel. If you're not enjoying yourself, it shows in the writing. So crank up the music, make weird voices for your characters, and have a blast!

By embracing the unconventional, using writer's block as a springboard, and remembering that the most important reader is you, you can transform creative constipation into literary gold. So, go forth, fellow wordsmiths, and conquer the blank page! Remember, the only insane thing is not writing. Now, get scribbling, and one day, you might just find your name on a bestseller list, right next to the sentient toaster romance that started it all.

So i've posted in this reddit before about this, but the game has come along much more now and I now have the first few cutscenes finalized and ready for voices.
I've been making a Silent Hill fan game for 4 years now ''Silent Hill: Second Sacrifice''
I'm looking for 3 characters right now (2 female, one male)
The first character is Rachel Evans, the main protagonist and whom the Player controls. This character will by far have the most voice lines in the game and will require the most work.
Rachel is 19, very head-strong, and will do whatever it takes to get the answers about her family and all the secrets her mother kept from her. Rachel takes no BS, and will often get frustrated when the other characters she meets are being unreasonably cryptic, instead of just blindly accepting it like other Silent hill protagonists do.
The 2nd Character is a strange elderly woman named Beatrice, who for some reason seems completely unaffected and even oblivious to the goings-on of Silent hill. Beatrice is... weird. She will act as an unreliable narrator or sorts, popping up in locations that don't really make sense and will give the player JUST enough information to push them in the right direction.
The 3rd Character is Cyrus, a strange 16 year-old boy who is first found hiding in the Sewers of Silent Hill. think Dobby from Harry potter, very twitchy, nervous, stutters when he speaks, but mostly harmless. Not much is known about Cyrus yet, except that he somehow knows who Rachel is even though he's never met her before.
It's not NECCESARY for you to know anything about Silent Hill but it would definitely help. In terms of the voice-style I want it to feel like a PS1-era game, so the jankier the voice acting the better.
You don't need to be a professional.
I'm not paying for this work simply because I myself am not making a penny off of this project - legally I can't anyway since I don't own Silent Hill as an IP lmao
This is a FAN PASSION PROJECT and that's that.
DM with, if you can, a sample of your voice, thankyou!
Link the gameplay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpGkwKhA7AI&t=131s

Quotes from Sasakis Record of Linji book. Seriously the notes are super thorough. Google it, get a PDF or buy it for 27 bucks on Amazon. Read all of it including the notes.
I'll post the quote, relevant notes, and my thoughts so it has some original content and this isn't just some ctrl c Ctrl p post.

““If you wish to diff er in no way from the patriarch-buddha, just don’t seek outside. “The pure light in a single thought of yours—this is the dharmakāya buddha within your own house. The nondiscriminating light in a single thought of yours—this is the saṃbhogakāya buddha within your own house. The nondifferentiating light in a single thought of yours—this is the nirmāṇakāya buddha within your own house. This threefold body is you, listening to my discourse right now before my very eyes. It is precisely because you don’t run around seeking outside that you have such meritorious activities.

Note
The pure light… within your own house In this passage Linji speaks of the human body as a house that is the dwell- ing place of the trikāya, the threefold body of buddha 三身, which reveals its presence through the three aspects of each instant of human thought. Th e three bodies of the trikāya are:

1. Dharmakāya 法身: the unconditioned, absolute buddha, beyond all form. Th e dharmakāya is buddha viewed as truth itself, and as such is the essence of wis- dom and purity. Linji is referring to this latter attribute when he characterizes the light of the mind in its fi rst manifes- tation as 清淨 (Skr., pariśuddha), that is, pure and free from any defi lement. Th e dharmakāya is symbolically represented by Vairocana Buddha, whose name means “omni- present light,”
   
2. Saṃbhogakāya 報身: the “reward” or “recompense” body. Th is is the body that a buddha receives as a reward for fulfi ll- ing the vows taken during bodhisattva- hood. It is defined under two aspects: as the body received for the buddha’s own enjoyment 自受用身, and as that received for the sake of others 他受用身. In this second aspect the saṃbhogakāya reveals itself to the bodhisattvas, to whom alone it is traditionally said to be visible, in order to enlighten and inspire them. A typical representation of the saṃbhogakāya is Amitābha/Amitāyus Buddha.
   
3. Nirmāṇakāya 化身 or 應身: the body that the buddha assumes when, in human form, he appears in the world for the purpose of bringing enlightenment to others. A typical representation of the nirmāṇakāya is Śākyamuni Buddha.
   

Th e doctrine of the threefold body of bud- dha is confi ned to Mahayana Buddhism, although undoubtedly its origin can be found in ideas that arose in the older Bud- dhist traditions.
Me:
We can see right from the get go, interpreting the trikaya as something outside is the nonzen way of going about it. Trying to understand them apart from ourself is seeking outside. The notes make it clear that no one considered Shakymuni to have more than one body, the "bodies" were represented by other Buddhas, these other Buddhas are from various sutras.

““According to the masters of the sutras and śāstras, the dharmakāya is regarded as basic substance and the saṃbhogakāya and nirmāṇakāya as function. From my point of view the dharmakāya cannot expound the dharma. Th erefore a man of old said, ‘Th e [buddha-]bodies are posited depending upon meaning; the [buddha-]lands are postulated in keep- ing with substance.’ So we clearly know that the dharma-nature body and dharma-nature land are fabricated things, based on dependent understand- ing. Empty fi sts and yellow leaves used to fool a child! Spiked-gorse seeds! Horned water chestnuts! What kind of juice are you looking for in such dried-up bones!

Notes:
According to the masters…. Compare this passage to the words of Linji’s teacher Huangbo in the cf:
A buddha has thre e b o dies. The dharmakāya preaches the dharma of the universal voidness of self-nature; the saṃbhogakāya preaches the dharma of the universal purity of things; the nirmāṇakāya preaches the dharmas of the six pāramitās [see page 211, below] and all other good practices. Th e dharma of the dharmakāya cannot be grasped through words, sounds, forms, or the written word. Th ere is nothing to be said, nothing to be demonstrated; there is nothing other than the universal voidness of self-nature. Th us it is said, “Th ere is nothing to be preached as the dharma; this is called preaching the dharma.” Th e saṃbhogakāya and the nirmāṇakāya both appear in response to particular circumstances, and the dharma they preach corresponds to outer con- ditions and to their listeners’ capacities; in this way they guide sentient beings. None of this is the true dharma. There- fore it is said, “Th e saṃbhogakāya and the nirmāṇakāya are not the true buddha, nor are they the ones who preach the dharma.” (t 48: 382a)
Dependent understanding translates 依通, an unusual term that is not found outside of Chan writings. Japanese com- mentators take it to be an abbreviation of the phrase 依倚通解, “understanding that depends upon something else.” In the section of the gy devoted to Nanquan Puyuan, an exchange between Nanquan and a certain monk is recorded:
Th e monk asked, “Is a student not permit- ted to understand the Way?” Th e master said, “To understand what Way? Also, how understand?” “I don’t know,” the monk said. Th e master said, “Not knowing is all right, but if you take my words you will be called one of dependent understanding.” (x 68: 70a)
Th e wl of Huangbo Xiyun has:
But to one who has seen into his own nature, what place is not his own original nature? Th erefore the six gati (destinies); the four ways of birth; and the mountains, rivers, and great earth, all are the pure and bright substance of our own nature. Therefore it is said, “Seeing form is no other than seeing mind, because form and mind are not diff erent.” One who accepts form and, on this basis, sees, hears, and perceives, and who then tries to see into [nature] by reject- ing things as such—such a one will fall into the ranks of those in the two vehicles [śrāvakas and pratyekabuddhas], whose understanding is dependent 依倚通解. (x 68: 21b)
Empty fi sts and yellow leaves used to fool a child! translates the two expres- sions 空拳黃葉、用誑小兒, metaphors for something that is passed off for what it is not. They are found frequently in the Nirvana Sutra and other scriptures. The Mahā-prajñā-pāramitā Sutra, for example, uses the expression “empty fi st” 空拳 as a metaphor for deceiving others with false views:
It is like deceiving a young lad with an empty fi st. Because he is ignorant he thinks there is something real in it. (t 7: 1104c)
And the Northern Nirvana Sutra uses “yellow leaf ” 黃葉 to indicate expedient teachings:
It is as, when a child cries and wails, its father and mother will pull a yellow leaf from a poplar tree and say, “Don’t cry! Don’t cry! We will give you a piece of gold.” Th e child, on seeing the yellow leaf, imagines it to be pure gold and at once stops crying, though in truth this poplar leaf is not gold. (t 12: 485c)
Dried-up bones translates 枯骨, an expression likely deriving from an alle- gory that is found in texts like the Zhengfa nianchu jing 正法念處經 (Sutra on con- templating the true dharma) and the Da baoji jing, in which a dog licking a dried bone mistakes its own saliva for juice from the bone.
Me: I think it's pretty obvious just from these bits that the three body of Buddha has nothing to do with the man Siddhartha Gautama. We can also see that they are founded in Buddhist Sutras. Most of what Zen masters say is based on their understanding of sutras. These terms were expedients, like literally all of the teachings of Buddha and all the Zen masters. Gold leaves to stop children crying, a phrase which also originated from a sutra

🪞
Welcome back to the Asylum write-up, where we explore the decade-long slow-motion car crash that is the Emilie Autumn fandom.
Sorry this installment took so long to upload! Just a heads-up, I may take some time to deliver the last one too – these posts take forever to format on Reddit's finicky-ass editor, and my dumb real life is currently keeping me from precious Internet time. Thank you for your patience! You have my word that everyone who pre-ordered the final installment will receive a PERSONAL, HANDWRITTEN letter autographed and illustrated by me, a list of the snacks I consumed while composing this write-up, some exclusive behind-the-scenes secrets, and a pony.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 – Part 4.2 Part 5

Places, everyone This is a test Throw your stones Do your damage Your worst, and your best (...) And if I had a dollar For every time I repented the sin And commit the same crime I'd be sitting on top of the world today (“God Help Me”, 2006🎵)

Quick recap of where we left off. First, there were five to ten halcyon years of pleasant and meaningful interactions between EA and her blossoming fanbase, prominently by way of her official forum. Then, circa 2009-2010, EA's online presence shifted towards sudden anger outbursts, ban-hammering, and an increasingly top-down communication style.
This created a sort of primordial rift within the fanbase, between those who supported EA's right to speak her mind and regulate her own fan spaces however she pleased – and those who thought that her reactions were rude and inappropriate (at best), and that even fan spaces should allow for reasonable, non-abusive criticism of the artist.
Between a poorly-handled book release (see Part 3), the controversial (Part 2) or dubiously true (Part 4) contents of said book, and serious shade from various former collaborators (Part 5), more and more fans had pressing thoughts about EA's work ethic and choices. EA attempted damage control through drastic forum rules that made it virtually impossible to voice any “serious” critical opinion. It didn't work, of course: instead of squashing the mutiny, she created a schism.
Critical fans and active haters started congregating on unofficial platforms.

“WITH MUFFINS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?”: TROLL LIKE A GIRL

So here we were, the early 2010s. The official forum (which had about 700 members in 2006, if you recall) was now thousands-strong, reaching just over 12,000 registered users in 2012 – not all of them active, but still. In terms of sheer numbers and content creation, the party was POPPIN'... but increasingly in parts of the Asylum that escaped EA's jurisdiction, such as Tumblr, where they could speak their mind freely.

You play the victim very well You've built your self-indulgent hell You wanted someone to understand you Well, be careful what you wish for, because I do (“I Know Where You Sleep”, 2006🎵)

In one wing of Asylum Tumblr, a smattering of call-out blogs emerged, which laid out EA's various lies, faux pas, shitty takes, and general deep-seated terribleness in detailed timelines and screenshots (or, short of that, long-winded bullet points). While many such blogs framed it as “serious” whistleblowing and did their best to remain as fact-based and neutral as they could, there was some genuine disgust, animosity and creepiness towards EA on that side of Tumblr; for some ex-fans, “exposing the truth” was mostly justify obsessive hatred, prying and verbal abuse. Some, for instance, felt the bizarre need to side with EA's mother in their estrangement. (One user, with the URL “emilyautumnfischkopf”, argued in a serious and down-to-earth tone - but with zero sources - that EA's upbringing had been nothing but peaceful and supportive until she ungratefully kicked her loving family to the curb for no reason at all. They were later revealed 🔍 to have an alternate handle as “eaisalyingcunt”.)
Either way, through these blogs, a number of potential drama bombs that had mostly flown under the radar were dredged up from over the years – some of which were hard to ignore, even for supportive fans. Where to begin?
There was that nonsense in-joke song, captured twice on camera during the 2009 tour (to very little outrage, at the time), crassly called “Manatee Retard”📺. Or EA's scathing response, in print, to a wheelchair user who found it insensitive that she used a bedazzled wheelchair as a prop to do sexy acrobatics on stage. (“Your offence taken at my hard-won self-acceptance proves that I indeed have something to fight against”, she wrote). Spoken word tracks where she made trivializing knock-knock jokes about serious mental illnesses she didn't have, like schizophrenia and OCD. Multiple instances of calling Britney Spears a “bimbo” and a “Hollywood fucked-up”, resentfully claiming that she only shaved her head because she was “hopped up on drugs” and certainly not because she was “bipolar”, a word the press liked to wield as an insult anyway. (“That's almost like calling someone a retard!” Yeah, heaven forbid.) The meanest, most distasteful paragraphs in the book. Basically everything problematic EA had ever said or written.📝 In retrospect, it had been a long time coming, but it was a lot to take in – and certainly more off-putting, even to less emotionally invested fans, than silly lies about her age and last name.
In another wing of Asylum Tumblr, some fans had had it up to here and just wanted to have fun. 🎵 If Plague Rats had learned one valuable lesson from EA, it was how to crack a joke in the face of absurd tragedy – and the general state of the EA fandom certainly warranted a few.
In 2012, Fight Like a Girl was released. After six long years, three of which had been peaceful, the Opheliac era was officially over. The new album and ensuing tour confirmed that the Asylum had entered a process of glamorous Broadway-style militarization. 🎵📺
The mood board was “Roman general meets Vegas showgirl meets Victorian street urchin”.🪞 The color palette was, to naysayers, “musty pink and rotten, stale piss yellow”. 🐀 The keyword was “REVENGE” (through the power of... self-expression! sorority! brutal assault with rusty medical implements!). The chorus of the title song had an intriguing run-on line about getting “revenge on the world, or at least 49% of the people in it” 🎵 – which seemed like an awful lot, and was widely interpreted (to cheers, boos, or uncomfortable sighs) as a misandrist jab at literally all men on Earth.
The show was essentially a demo version of the musical, in that the setlist vaguely reflected the order of events in the story – but prior reading was essential in order to get what the hell was going on on stage. This one Broadway reviewer had not perused the literature before seeing the show 🔍, and hated: the set, the choreography, the skits, the plot, the lyrics, the music, the concept. (Seriously, you should read the review. It's not even my show and I feel like quitting show business.)
Pre-show VIP encounters, now violin-free, were lorded over by EA's new manager🐀, whose official title was “Asylum Headmistress”. (Interesting choice – she sounds fun!) The swag bags were less substantial than before, and the “greet” part of the meet-and-greet was rarely more than a quick hug and photo op.
On Twitter, EA continued to embrace her “I am very badass” fronting attitude...

Often wonder if cyberbullies r aware they’re fucking w/ a girl who’s BFs w/ maker of the SAW films & is marrying a knife-throwing scorpion. (🐀📝)

...and her taste for needlessly inflammatory statements. About an aisle sign in a supermarket:

If this does not infuriate you, then you're a fucking potato.

(Again with the confounding crypto-ableism, EA! 🔍) She also went through a phase of raging against Lady Gaga 📝, who had stolen her idea of using a wheelchair on stage as an able-bodied woman. 🔍 That failed to convince anyone that she wasn't the histrionic diva that haters made her out to be.
Spurred on by EA's rallying cries and “us vs them” mentality, loyalists turned the white-knighting up to 11. On Twitter, some Plague Rats got into cat fights with Lady Gaga's Little Monsters (what a time to be alive). Others tried to balance out the Tumblr negativity with initiatives like “Spreading a Plague of Love” – a “positive-only” confession blog, whose extreme fangirling, comically drastic rules and hyper-defensive tone📝 did not debunk the increasingly popular notion that “true Plague Rats” were a bunch of authoritarian and hopelessly brainwashed fanatics.
EA truthers and other anti-fans started lashing out at anyone who dared express any positive opinion of EA, solidifying claims that the backlash against EA was just a conspiracy of bitter, hysterical bullies.
All this to say: every passing day brought new reasons for fans to get mad at EA and each other, and everyone in the Asylum was in need of a laugh. It's not easy having a good time.🦠
Leading up to Fight Like a Girl and in the years that followed, user-submission-based meme blogs took off, most notably “Spreading a Plague of Lulz / Troll Like a Girl”. A lot of the early submissions were absurdist humor and toothless, cheezburger-Impact memes (a style that was, oddly, already dated at the time). Those often originated in good fun, and from loyal fans, on the official forum. But there was also true snark, satirizing EA's questionable ethics, outrageous claims, and easily spoofed artistic gimmicks. A new slang of Asylumspeak emerged: Glittertits (slight NSFW), GAGA!!, EA Gusta and all its memeface variants, Get outta mah house!, Are You Suffering?, Fight Like A Goat, [Random celebrity] copied EA (a subgenre in its own right), ...
Most of the “trolling” was directed at unrepentant bootlickers and, to a lesser extent, red-in-the-face haters and creeps. Meme blogs would post joke comments under “serious” or gushing submissions on Wayward Victorian Confessions, and taunt loyalist accounts by tagging them in their posts. When a few people complained on WVC that almost all of the Bloody Crumpets to date had been thin white able-bodied women, and a few fans responded by sharing their dream-casts for a more diverse line-up, the blog was flooded for days with confessions that “X should be a Crumpet” (candidates included RuPaul, Mitt Romney, Nicki Minaj, EA's therapist, and the WVC admins). Farcical shenanigans like that.
Ah, but some people will always cross the line, won't they. EA threads popped up on merciless, bully-friendly snark platforms like Lolcow, Pretty Ugly Little Liar, and Encyclopedia Dramatica. Snarkers with a mean streak and obsessive haters mingled in some of the more aggressive, 4-chan-spirited retaliation against EA – which would be called “brigading” in modern parlance. This included flooding EA's Goodreads page with one-star reviews (see part 4), repeatedly editing her Wikipedia page to include her legal name and birth year, and ensuring that Googling said name would bring up current pictures of her.
All of this compounded agitation fragmented the once-united fandom beyond recognition.🦠 Through substantial disagreements among fans, personal bickerings, layers upon layers of inscrutable in-jokes, and cross-platform telephone games, the Asylum morphed into a booby-trapped Escher room.
Satire blogs were taken in earnest. Earnest fan blogs scanned as satire. Memes would get called out as abuse. Appreciation without attached criticism would get mocked as bootlicking. Obvious jokes made by EA would be taken at face value. One divisive confession could trigger days and days of debate, to the point that WVC eventually banned confessions in response to other confessions. New waves of infighting created a confusing web of rival sub-factions🐀, each accusing the others of being toxic, cliquish, and delusional.
The shared fantasy was broken, the collective vision had crumbled, no onez was speaking the same language anymore. Fans would jump down the throat of other fans who held almost identical views about EA, except for that one thing she said or did that one time. Everyone had differing thoughts on what should or shouldn't acceptable to discuss, question, excuse, make fun of.
War is hell.

SCORCHED EARTH SHENANIGANS: HONEY, I SHRUNK THE ASYLUM

Would you tear my castle down Stone by stone And let the wind run through my windows Till there was nothing left But a battered rose? (“Castle Down”, 2003🎵)

Haters vs sycophants is not really the kind of conflict where one side can come out on top (if you're participating, you've already lost). But in the long tug-of-war between “grassroots” and “EA-sponsored” fan spaces, the ultimate winner is obvious – in that the former is gasping in agony, a shriveled husk of its former glory, while the latter... is non-existent. This is due in no small part to EA's tendency, like the Czars of old, to settle conflicts by setting Moscow on fire.🔍)
That's not entirely fair: unlike EA, the czar only did it that once.
By early 2013, as EA was gearing up for her third Fight Like a Girl tour at the end of the year, the official forum was... not as lively as it once had been. Not just because of the stifling rules and disgruntlement towards EA, or because EA herself hadn't really posted anything on there in years; the Internet was also changing, and forums in general were fast becoming passé.
This made it difficult for EA to create a safe space where she could talk to fans, and fans could talk to and about her, in a way she deemed suitable (ie, a space she could gate-keep and regulate enough to keep it completely free from negative criticism). Social media was a minefield; she still posted regularly, but didn't interact very much. So EA and the Headmistress came up with a way to filter out the unbelievers: an official fan club📝, aptly called the “Asylum Army”, with a $100 entry price.
Joining the AA came with a dog tag, a sew-on patch, and a lifetime membership certificate signed by EA and – for some reason – the Headmistress. (Unlike EA's best friend and sound engineer back in the forum's heyday, I don't think fans ever really embraced the FLAG-era manager as part of the Asylum in-group. She came across more as a coordinator / businessperson / adult chaperone, at best.🐀) So, slightly better goodies than you'd get by joining the other AA 🔍 ... but not by much. The main appeal was that members would have access to exclusive content, special merch, giveaways, early bird tickets for future shows, and regular video chats with EA.
The concept itself drew a fair amount of criticism, as you can imagine. Between the name🐀, the price, and the inherent gatekeeping of a pay-to-join fanclub, many balked at the monetizing of a concept that had once (like, three years back) been significantly more DIY, grassroots, and inclusive. 📝🐀
Then again, many also longed for a positive, drama-free space where fans could just be fans. And while the creation of the AA was generally recognized as a quick cashgrab, a lot of people were surprisingly cool with it. EA was trying to finance her dream musical, after all – although a number of fans wished she had gone about raising funds in a less sketchy way.
So around 400 fans shelled out (which, according to the Headmistress📝, “basically cover[ed] the cost of running the fanclub itself – keeping the database up, website, etc.”). Enough for a close-knit, but sizable community. But already, there was a conflict of interest: a high fanclub entry fee essentially demands that you pledge loyalty to the artist over loyalty to your fellow fans, who wish to join but can't afford to. Sharing, caring, and ensuring no one felt left out were some of the more positive values cultivated in the fandom... but leaking exclusive content would surely piss off other paying members🐀, and make EA feel betrayed all over again. (And she had barely just started to mellow out on social media!)
...But then again, this is the internet. After the first month of secret AA drops (lyric sheets, some photoshoot outtakes – nothing too juicy, really), there were, yes, some leaks. EA was predictably miffed, and retaliated by... ghosting the fanclub for weeks at a time in its first few months of existence (great look!). She eventually found the “solution” to her problem, by providing something you couldn't right-click-save (and which had been part of the promised perks to begin with): live interaction.
Over webcam, she was her usual in-person bubbly, charming, funny self. Everyone seemingly had a good time during the fanclub video chat, and this gave people faith and hope.
There were a few more events, giveaways, etc. As promised, ahead of the fall 2013 tour (the last one to date, it would turn out), AA members got priority access to show tickets and VIP bundles. The latter were much pricier than before, and only included soundcheck, a photo-op, and three goodies: a tin of loose-leaf tea, a signed printer-paper setlist, and a small flag that said “F.L.A.G.”.🔍 Some stuff continued to leak – but, as some of the outlaws pointed out (scroll down to the Disqus comments), they were mostly relaying information that was relevant to the entire fanbase, such as updates about ongoing projects (the dragged-out recording of the audiobook, for one).
In early 2014, lifetime memberships were closed, and replaced with monthly, quarterly and yearly subscription tiers. Bizarrely, you ended up paying $3 more per month if you bought a $99 yearly subscription📝 – but it did include the patch, dog tag, and piece of paper!

Sometimes I kind of want to be part of the cool kids and register to the Asylum Army. Then I remember how it came about, what you could get for the same price a couple years ago, how the whole thing was and is handled, and that I won’t support any of this bullshit. (And then I roll around naked in all the money I’m saving.) (🐀)

Still, a number of fans rejoiced at the affordable monthly option, and joined – if not for the exclusive content and merch (which were... okay, but not much to write home about), then for the friendly, drama-free exchanges with an artist they actually did love, in spite of all the frustration.
For the still-too-poor or still-undecided, there was always the forum! It wasn't as active as it used to be, but a few die-hards still managed to keep the lights on... until, inevitably, Someone Did Something and Ruined Everything. (Once again: EA's wrath is spectacular, but rarely completely unprovoked.) The incident features one notable figure in the Asylum community. Let's call him the Collector.
OK, so maybe you remember the meme I linked to in Part 4, with Christian Grey and the ginormous EA hoard. Well, that's the Collector's collection. The “Violin” promo that I called the "Holy Grail of the fandom" in the same paragraph? Also his. The handwritten lyrics that went for $940? Guess who won that auction. Over the years, the Collector had probably spent five figures on EA merch and shows, and although that fact was a little unsettling, he was a very active, easy-going, and generally well-liked fixture of the fandom.
One day in 2012, shortly after the Headmistress had replaced EA's old Chicago BFF as main forum admin, the Collector's account got banned or restricted over something dumb. When the ban wasn't lifted as quickly as he hoped, he took it... the way one takes things when one is unhealthily invested: he started spamming Headmistress and the mod team with increasingly rambling and abusive emails (lost to time, probably for the best). When that didn't work quickly enough, he tried a different route.
One of the many auctions that the Collector had won, some years prior, was EA's old iPod Touch📝 – which contained all of her favorite tunes and, buried somewhere in the data cache... a phone number. Which the Collector tried calling. And wouldn't you know it: EA picked up. She congratulated him on his sleuthing skills, listened patiently as he made his case, apologized for any distress caused by the unfair account restriction, and then they got married.
Kidding! She freaked the fuck out, hung up, and banned him for life from the forum and all EA shows and events.
After his ban, the Collector allegedly still tried to attend at least one VIP pre-show (one source in the comments says he was allowed to buy some merch, refunded for his ticket, and escorted out). He joined the Reform forum to bitch about EA and try to rally people to his cause, possibly made revenge posts about her on darker snark forums, and continued to hound the Asylum mod team. So in June 2014, EA came up with a radical and unexpected fix to the Collector problem.

The official Asylum Fan Forum has been shut down permanently. I have personally paid thousands of dollars each year to keep the forum safe and secure for you ... Unfortunately, the forum has not been kept safe and secure for me, a truth which disappoints me greatly, instead becoming a place where people who have physically threatened myself and my staff prey upon forum members, pressuring them to contact me and my staff on their behalf. If the gullible wish to humor my stalkers (who live in their parent’s basement at age 30 something) and thus put me in danger, they may do it on their own dime. They may also fuck off, because stupidity can kill, and I won’t be your victim. To those who enjoyed the forum, you know who to thank for its closure. (“On the closing of the Asylum Forum”)

Voilà! This is how a decade-long archive of shared history ends: not with a bang, but with a dirty delete and a sod-off communiqué.
The obliteration of the forum took everyone by surprise...

I was actually on the forum when it was taken down. I was navigating between posts and when I went to click on a different board, an error message came up. I honestly cried a little, I'm not ashamed to say. (WVC admin on Reddit, 2024)

...and I do mean everyone:

Chicago BFF / ex-admin, the next morning: Whoa, EA forum shut down? Ex-mod: It turns out that if someone spends enough years actively “waging war” to destroy what they can’t have, eventually they’ll be successful. * eye roll * Not even mods got prior warning. Just all the sudden, poof, gone. BFF: Really? She did not let the moderators know?! This is sounding worse and worse. Uggh. I’m so sorry. Such a loss. (...) Ok, threats are serious, but why not just put it in archive mode so no one can post? (...) Sad. I shall light a candle in the forum's honor. (Facebook posts; scroll down for screenshots)

It was a gut punch, especially for people who had poured countless hours into the community, or could have used some prior warning to save years of their own writing from the role-playing threads. One last chance to take a look around the place that had meant so much to so many.

From the wording of the announcement of closing the forum and a number of other things, it sometimes seems like EA doesn't like her fans much. :/ (🐀)

Three months after the forum was nuked, Battered Rose (a venerable EA fansite, which had been around since the Enchant era and had one of the most complete EA galleries online) announced that it was shutting down too.📝 The admin, who had also been a long-time forum mod, cited a lack of “time, energy, passion, or money” to keep the website going... and being upset at the sudden disappearance of the forum. It was, truly, the end of an era for the Asylum.
...Well, no point in living in the past. For those who could afford it, and still wanted to talk to/about EA after that (not everyone did 🐀), there was always the Asylum Army fanclub!
Over the summer of 2014, EA held regular live chats and Q&A's, and... many attendees really enjoyed them, and thought the AA was well worth the money after all. She also quietly parted ways with the much poo-pooed Headmistress around that time.

Just spent over 4 hours giggling, drinking tea and playing guessing games in chat with EA and other Asylum Army members ... No griping, no downers, just lots of fun. I think I like the way the ‘new fandom’ is going and now I’m really glad I finally decided to join the Army. (September 4, 2014🐀; Battered Rose had closed the day before)

The forum was lost forever, but perhaps that was a chance for a fresh start. Could this fanclub thing really be the Asylum Renaissance that fans had been longing for?

...I have come today to a very difficult but necessary decision, and that is to discontinue the Emilie Autumn Official Fanclub. The site itself, and the community chatroom, will remain open to you indefinitely, but I will no longer be making updates to the site. (Newsletter, September 8, 2014📝)

...Never mind, then.
Turns out the fanclub had been the Headmistress' idea all along. EA had been reluctant from the start, and although she really enjoyed the live chats with a safe community of people “who are there for the right reasons”, she couldn't overcome her fundamental discomfort with the concept. Lifetime and regular members would receive a bunch of digital downloads and a -35% coupon on the Asylum Emporium for their troubles. EA said she would definitely pop back once in a while for live chats, for free, just for fun, but to my knowledge, she never did.
And so the most devoted fans were left standing in the rain...

She is happy, she made it. She is fulfilling her dreams, found love and happiness after all the pain. I understand that she now doesn’t need “us” anymore ... That doesn’t change the fact she broke my heart with taking the Asylum Army and the forum from me. Yet, I am happy for her. (🐀)

...while naysayers pointed and laughed, Nelson-style.🦠

I don’t feel sorry at all for the people that paid for the Asylum Army fan club. Most of them knew that EA is an atrocious business woman and has broken many promises before. In fact, I laugh at them. They seriously thought that EA would actually stay consistent with this? (🐀)

EVERYTHING MUST GO: THE ASYLUM WHOLESALE

EA fans were left without an “official” home for about three years. This gave them plenty of time to be annoyed at EA for: not releasing the audiobook on time, not materializing any new project for a while... and the new sin of peddling random, ridiculously marked-up AliBaba jewelry as “merch” on her official store. Think faux-antique cameo pendants and $30 Big Ben rings (...because the Asylum story is set in London, get it?).

The whole accessories section looks like a tacky overpriced English souvenir shop. (🐀)

The fanbase lost a lost of steam in those in-between years, because there wasn't much to stick around for. As evidenced by the positive reception of the AA live chats, even in the midst of unresolved drama, out-loud interactions in a friendly environment have always been EA's saving grace. Considering the amount of online hate, there are shockingly few accounts of bad IRL encounters with EA: most people say that in live conversation, she comes across as a fun, warm, and genuinely sweet person. Some report that their negative opinion shifted after meeting her.
But there were no chats or live shows anymore. There was only social media, where she ignored questions and vague-posted about overdue projects – and the newsletter📝, which was all saccharine love-bombing to promote bland dropshipped trinkets. For fans who remembered the handcrafted merch (and two-way communication) of the early years, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

​

I found out I was pregnant in October 2022, and in July 2023 I’ve delivered my little girl the whole time I had my insurance from my employer that I had had for years. My husband had picked up insurance on me as a secondary insurance. I had no problems with billing the entire time I was pregnant. I had to see specialist have extra scans, bloodwork, etc. anytime I had anything to pay out of pocket. I did so in office and then after my daughter was born, I went for my check up. I was told I had an outstanding balance, which didn’t make sense because I always paid so I followed up and come to find out my primary insurance that had paid all my bills had unpaid everything. I had never heard of this so I I tried to get a hold of the insurance company, but I had already terminated the insurance as I did not go back to work after I gave birth. They did not want to speak with me because I no longer remember and give them my information. Finally I found my member number. I was able to talk to someone explain the situation to them. They argued with me. I told them that this was my primary it always has been. Why would they pay my bills? I never got any answer they told me they would put it down as a dispute And a request for repayment, but I was never sent a letter or informed them paying any bills. They’ve never told me if they are going to cover any of the bill. I’ve tried to call back and talk to someone but I just had to keep telling the same story over and I never get anywhere. I’m getting bills and collection notices for other doctors offices. Come to find out they have unpaid every bill. They have paid from the date that I took a pregnancy test at the doctor, but I was never informed of anything. Just bills and collection notices. How should I resolve this? Should I reach out to a lawyer or should I write them a letter? If so, would anyone have any sample letters? I could try to follow my credit score is in the 805 have worked very hard to get it there and I don’t want the years worth of medical bills piling up. Also, my daughter is 10 months old now I’m worried that my insurance is going to tell me. I’ve waited too long to dispute this, but I’ve tried to contact them over the phone several times and I get nowhere with them.

Last paragraph is the main, if you don’t want to read the context.
My ex gf was my friend for almost 6 years. During those years she ghosted me twice without a reason at all and she would come back regretting it a lot what she did, telling me she loved me, that she kept my poems and letter and that she thought about me almost everyday. I forgave her both times.
The second time she came back she confessed she had been drug abusing and that her life was a mess. She told me doing drugs didn’t allow her to think about what she really cared as me.She started lovebombing me even we lived in two different countries of Europe and about 1500km away. She wanted to come to visit me so badly. Love is blind and I ended falling for her as she treated me so damn well. We talked everyday, a lot, and she finally came to my house in summer.
We started dating and came again in autumn. Everything was perfect but after she left on autumn she started went into a depressive episode where she wanted space and time for herself. We talked less than usual. She asked me if I would dump her for being depressed. I ensured her that wouldn’t happen at any case. At winter I got depressed after a bad medical new. At this point everything began to be complicated. She argued with me for no reason, she was mad at me for being depressed. I begged her for company to feel better which she said no all the time. I was preparing to visit her in a month but she always gave me excuses not to buy the flight ticket.
Two weeks after new year she broke up with me saying I made her life miserable. I begged for a break which she accepted and surprisingly she asked me the next day to give each other good night as she missed it. The first week she gave it and told me everyday she loved me, the next week she disappeared and when I stopped giving her good night she broke up with me. It was really traumatic as she went mad when I suggested she could have BPD as my psychiatrist and therapist know her since we met and for her bad childhood, drug abuse, other weird things she did, and how she treated me during all this time they believed in a high probability she had BPD.
I feel after 5 months I moved on, but I still feel sometimes the emptiness I have from having someone talking me everyday 24/7 to total blackness. I have my friends and I hang out with them having a really good time. I met a girl who I like and would like to date, but I feel empty. How have you dealt with this those who had been devalued and discarded from one day to another?
Thanks (will delete my post in a few days as I believe she still stalks me).

Hi! 👋
I need help and I also wanted to share a story or two, if that’s ok. So this is LOOONG. Please forgive any mistakes or wrong words
I’ve put the questions up top so feel free to ignore the rest. I just wanted to tell people about her.
Thank you so much in advance!
TL;DR
Part one: My beloved 98-yo Catholic grandmother in Sweden is dying, no other family member is Catholic. We don’t know what we need to do now before and after her passing.
Part two: Gran’s story and the Cardinal who Didn’t Forget.
——-
Part one
My Grandma is 98 and nearing the very end. She is a devout Catholic who converted in her 60s. No one else in the family is Catholic and there are very few Catholics in Sweden overall.
Her faith is incredibly important to her and I want to make sure she leaves the world properly from a religious standpoint.
Only I don’t know anything about it and I don’t know who to ask.
I would be so grateful for any guidance.
Questions:
1. Are there things we need to do for her from a religious perspective when the end comes? Last rituals?
Any special handling of the body?
Should we call a priest but who?

2. Swedish funerals usually don’t take place in three or four weeks after death. Is that okay?

3. Her service will be held in a Protestant church with a Protestant priest and buried in the family plot that’s there.
She has okayed this. She originally wanted to Catholic service in this particular church but it’s not allowed.
Are there any things (prayers, rituals etc) we can include to honor her faith?

4. Do I need to notify her local church? She is a member of the Secular Carmelites as well.

5a. Obituaries work a little differently in Sweden but I figured I’d ask. It’s common to include a little picture or symbol in them, everything from roses to sports team logos (yes, truly! 😂)
Most of the Catholic obituaries I see simply have a cross and . Is that the proper way to do it?

5b. Most obituaries include a quote.
Would this be appropriate?
”I am going towards you whom I have always sought, loved and always desired.”

It may sound odd I watched Sister Claire Crockett’s final vows and heard it and just knew instantly it should be in Gran’s obituary.
I haven’t been able to trace the source though.
THANK YOU! If you made it this far! —————————
Gran and the Cardinal
Now it’s story time!
Gran converted in her 60s “after a lifetime of searching” and was an eager theological correspondent.
She is a passionate fan of St John of the Cross and mysticism in general and is a member of the Secular Carmelites.
My Gran is Dutch, spent her first decade in Indonesia before coming back to Holland just in time for the German occupation.
She grew up Protestant but the war planted a seed in her mind and she set out to discover the spiritual world and learning as much as possible about every religion she could find, Taoism, Shinto, Hindu gurus, the works.
—
I asked her once what made her choose Catholicism in the end. She said that she had seen a small bookstore that interested her and unbeknownst was in a small, nondescript church.
Gran said she went in through the door and felt a “flash” or a rush or something she couldn’t quite describe and just knew. She spoke to a priest that very same day.
—-
Gran never quite lost hope that one of her children or grandchildren would convert (I was her best candidate but that has not happened. 😅)
—-
My grandmother had to stop going to Church maybe 10–15 years ago since hearing is so bad and it still grieves her.
She misses the community of the church, theological discourse, the connections she has made over the years. She felt lonely.
—
I don’t know how much the “regular Catholic” knows about different cardinals but we actually got a Swedish one, Anders Arborelius, a few years ago.
Gran knows him through the Carmelites and she has corresponded quite extensively with ”Bishop Anders”.
On one bleak day when Gran felt so along in the world, I tried to think of ways to cheer her up.
I did some googling and found an email address to the Cardinal himself and also to his secretary.
—
I wrote a long email asking of “Bishop Anders” would be willing to send her a card to remind her the church hasn’t forgotten her.
I didn’t expect an answer but later that same night, his secretary responded and it turned out she used to know my gran quite well.
The Cardinal was in Rome, she said, but he would probably look at the email when he got back.
That night (say 2AM), I got a response from the Cardinal about how well he remembers my Gran, and how much he likes and appreciates her.
A few day later, a lovely little letter with encouraging words and a blessing arrived in the mail.
One funny thing though! He had absolutely dreadful handwriting, so bad we actually send around a picture of it to family members asking them if they could decode it. 😂😂😂

context: Medtech Boards: August 6 & 7. Med school starts: July.
hi docs! I need another point of view in whether should I continue and take my medtech boards in august or just focus on med. I finally got my acceptance letter in my 1st choice of school and planning now for enrollment. My parents bought a house somewhat near that school and now they're pushing me to settle some of our things there ASAP (which is very VERY hectic thing to do since our current house is far from our 2nd house) So with all that fuss, sometimes I can't even get to review for my boards or I get frustrated because I have backlogs, and ofc I want to excel in my board exam but now I also have to juggle the house, the enrollment, and other things like (med school uniform, physical exam on medschool, mock boards of my pre-med univ for MTLE which is next month, etc.) and now im thinking is taking the medtech board really worth the hassle? or should i just focus on prepping for med school?

Firstly yes I know I shouldn’t have been speeding, I’ve been driving 18 years and only had one speeding ticket.
I work all over the U.K (self employed with my own company) and live in England.
I got a speeding fine 2 week ago (already had 6 points for being stationary on my phone…that’s another story) so I was okay with that as not had a speeding ticket for 5 years but I was working away last week but heading home every day, on Monday,Tuesday,Thursday and Friday I came home to speeding tickets! 2 were from different counties and 2 were with my local police force. Is it a case of now sending them all off and then seeing if I get a letter to attend court or do I ask to go there? As obviously I’m over limit for acceptable points and immediate ban but if I get banned I lose my income and jobless so need my licence as much as anyone.
I shouldn’t have been speeding but if I’d of received one I would have been more conscious of my speed but them all dropping in within a week has caught me by surprise.

Hey! I am an international student Deaf low-income, first-generation college student, I could not afford the help of paid mentorships, but if any of you got accepted to top universities with full-ride scholarships could help me through the journey with your mentoring.
If you are interested in this opportunity, please contact me privately. I am willing to provide a detailed letter of self-introduction with my high school transcripts, and TOEFL transcripts SAT. My goal is to apply for a full scholarship to a top private university
I need someone with whom I can discuss and share my plans and ideas for this application cycle, need full counseling, and all subsequent communication can be done with pen and paper, I mainly need counseling on application strategy, school selection, main documents, supplementary documents List of activities
With one move to help me fulfill my MIT dream, I will give it my best shot, and through my hard work and your guidance, I will be able to realize my dream and open up a brand new future.

I have been driving for last 7-8 years, now I have been offered a position with company who haul hazmat particularly corrosive chemicals. I have heard that these tankers are super hard to drive as there is lots pf liquid surge, there are no baffles & chemicals loading & unloading process can be very dangerous. Although I am very interested in moving into tankers but little reluctant due its dangerous nature. I have 3 days to accept the job offer letter, I have to resign from my current company with 7 days notice.
I might loose my current job and if I was unable to carry on with tanker job I will be out of work.
Anyone who has done chemical trailer work can please insight on how the work exactly is and how it is to drive a hollow trailer with liquid inside.
P.s I have been to companys yard & met trainer he has only good things to say. The pay is good but not exceptional compared to my current reefer job.
Thanks in advance

Hello everyone. I left my entire family and have not talked to them for years. Lately, I've been having mental health issues that forced me to look within myself to see what's going on(or turn to total destruction). I'm almost certain that it is due to me trying to block out the abuse I endured as well as the lack of closure when I departed. As I am emotionally maturing, I am learning that people are flawed(due to circumstances they could not control), even my parents. I don't want to rejoin my family but I want to let my parents die in peace for the good things they've done for me.
Since I am still struggling with my mental illness(although improving with exploring my trauma and accepting my parents flaws), I want to connect with my parents in 10 years when I hopefully am doing well enough to converse through the pain and forgive them. I want to write a letter to my parents to tell them of my intention to see them again but just not yet. I'd love hear your opinion on my plans to do that and would love some responses from people who have done something similar. I'm in my late 20's and my parents are in their 70's if that matters. Thanks.

I’m at a bit of an impasse right now. I want to pursue a graduate degree but I’m worried that I’m not of the caliber to be accepted into any program so I’d appreciate anyone’s advice on what I can do to try to realize this goal. I’ll try to be concise.
So I’m a recent graduate, receiving a B.S. in Chemistry with a concentration in Biochemistry. For many years I’ve known that I wanted to pursue a graduate degree in chemistry. I’m very passionate about chemistry, especially inorganic chemistry from group theory to bonding theories such as crystal field theory I can’t get enough of it.
As for why I yearn for a graduate degree, well I’m am very drawn to research and teaching which are both present in academia. I love the challenge of research and participated in research during my senior year where I started a project with one of my professors, while I am also drawn to teaching because I simply feel joy from helping others understand chemistry, especially when they’re students who feel that chemistry is too hard or “beyond them”. I’ve gone out of my way many times during my undergrad program to help classmates understand our material.
My academic record is mediocre/acceptable. My overall gpa was 3.11 and I’d say my major gpa was similar or slightly higher which I think is hurting my prospects. I faced financial strife on several occasions during my undergrad degree, the first time I had to withdraw while the second and third times I had to move mid-semester due to renters selling their property, but i still kept up with my studies (I’ve never failed a course). I also had to care for a terminally ill family member during my juniosenior years but never felt like I couldn’t keep up with the coursework though I do feel that I may have gotten higher marks if I hadn’t faced these issues.
Following graduation, I did try to apply for a few inorganic chem programs at some UC’s in California. I had no issue getting enough Letters of Recommendation from my professors and I did make mention of my research work, including what I presented at my university regarding it. However I was rejected by every program that I had applied for, though I was only able to apply for 3 due to the cost of application fees (I hadn’t found work at the time so money was limited). I have discussed this with my professoresearch advisor, who seemed surprised that I only received rejections. I suggested to him that maybe I pursue a MS instead first but he seemed to want to dissuade me from that, and suggest that it wasn’t necessary. I shared one of my personal statement drafts with him and am awaiting feedback on if it was perhaps poor.
Other than that I am aiming to apply to many more next time, including programs out of state, but I am beginning to doubt myself and question if I am meant for a graduate program. For those familiar with graduate level chemistry, is there anything I can do to strengthen my application in the future? Will having job experience in industry help me? I really do not want to give up but I feel that I’m just at a loss regarding what I can try to do.

salaams!! so I have a bit of a situation about my hijab journey. So I started wearing the hijab the beginning of February and ever since I’ve been like pretty depressed. Even when I first put it on I rlly struggled (with my appearance). Even before I put on the hijab I was already struggling with pretty bad body dysmorphia as well as having an Ed. And since wearing the hijab I have felt worse about my body and appearance. I also have adhd which doesn’t really help because my main source of dopamine before wearing the hijab was through seeking male validation through the way I dressed. I’ve tried many things to replace my dopamine source of male validation with exercise, focusing on my deen and even that has taken a lot of effort as I’ve been feeling super exhausted and lacking motivation in life in general. I feel really lost and sad I feel like I lowkey put on the hijab as a punishment to myself because I craved male validation so bad. And the problem is I have my mum (who is not a hijabi) and my sister (who IS a hijabi) telling me to take it off as it is “effecting” me. I personally don’t want to take it off but I’m scared they are right. And listen I know wearing the hijab is fard and most people struggle with it but if it effecting my mental health so bad that my parents and sister are telling me I should take it off. I’ve made dua and prayed and I know at the end of the day it my relationship of god, but I just don’t know what to do like I have no friends and and life doesn’t really seem worth living but I try to be patient for the sake of Allah swt. I just feel like my problem is so niche and it hard when you talk to non muslims cause they don’t get it or even Muslim that don’t have a sort of mental illness to understand. I honestly just hate living but ofc Alhumdililah and like I know my issues are very first world problems and I recognise even w my struggle with an Ed is a privileged struggle. And also I struggle pretty badly with overthinking and guilt so I feel like if I took of the hijab I I’d feel super guilty and feel like I’m just listening to shaaitaan. And I also just get so overwhelmed with whose advise i should follow cause I’m like am I only accepting this advise cause it aligns with me better or is the advise and extremeisr approach yk (like regarding the hijab and generally regarding is Islamic info) I’m not sure what I’m looking for in response to this post like either a really helpful Hadith or Quran quote or advise regarding what I should about my hijab. Put yeah if you can pls keep me in ur duas I’m struggling quite a bit meantally :(
Also like the problem is when I think about what Allah swt would want for me to do I feel like he’d want me to keep it on but then again I feel like he wouldn’t want me to wear it cause I might end up resenting (fearing I might giving up on my deen) the hijab cause infeel like my intentions when I started to wear thihijab were really harsh critical of myself

After years of laughter, smiles, n tears, it's now been approximately six months since our engagement ended. Initially, it was tough for both of us, n honestly, it's still not easy — as we both agreed on that fact. But as time has passed, I've had the opportunity to look back on our moments together.
I truly believe that our good times we shared outweighed the bad. However, I can't deny that those difficult moments were incredibly heavy. I will always carry the burden that our breakup was my fault, as you made sure to remind me. But, in the end, I hope we can both take equal responsibility for the issues we faced.
I want to express my deepest gratitude for your efforts to reach out to me, especially through video chats. Hearing your voice n seeing your face meant the world to me, n we were able to share our stories n offer sincere apologies to each other. I accept your apology, n please accept mine. In one of your recent texts, you mentioned, "Please let's not leave this on a bad note." Well, I believe we have finally found a positive closure today.
We both know that our love for each other will never fade, even if our paths never cross again. I'll leave you w one of your quotes, "May we meet again one day, if that's God's plan." It's a reminder that our connection goes beyond this chapter of our lives.
As we now find ourselves thousands of miles apart, separated by oceans n mountains, our worlds have separated. Forever know that you will indefinitely hold a place in my heart, n my love for you will forever be unconditional. Lastly, I want to express my sincere apology once more.
I’m sorry, love…May we meet again 🫶🏽

"Reality? To me that was reality. I don't know about this place. What makes you certain you won't find yourself tied here, trying to explain yourself to people who look like you? I was pretty sure that was reality. Now, well now I just don't care. This is all a dream, so do whatever you want to me. I'm not kissing the cross. Just light the pyre." Shawna told the nogs. They shuffled forward on their trunklike legs, one of them offering her a cross with a figure of a crucified nog with a golden crown and its lips puckered.
"I said I'm not kissing it. Burn me." Shawna grimaced at the horrid little nog. The nogs shrugged in unison and lifted the buckets of icy cold water at their feet. One by one they walked up to her and doused her in cold water, soaking her t-shirt and hair and making her shiver and blow water off her lips while the rest ran down her chin.
"Is she dead?" One of the nog asked.
One of them shuffled forward and waved its hands back and forth in front of her staring, lifeless eyes. "No reaction." the nog confirmed. They'd done it, they'd finally slain the Wicked Witch of the Stars. Some of the Ethgar were saddened, crying big sticky nog tears that left streaks on their faces.
Shawna held perfectly still, trying not to laugh. They really thought she was dead, they thought they'd burned her alive with their buckets of cold water. Stupid nogs, just a few moments longer and she could break free from their braided bonds and be on her way, richer than John Godson.
"I just worry her soul wont reach the Likeliness, We should hold the jesus-nog to her lips, just to be sure." A nasty little Ethgar suggested.
"We should all just shuffle off." Shawna tried some ventriloquism.
"Who said that?" Ethgar were asking each other. The nogs suddenly all looked back at Shawna, their little devil eyes glowing in the starlight.
"Oh fiddle cakes!" Shawna swore.
She didn't usually use such foul language, but she was at her wits end with the Ethgar. First, their ridiculous test of faith to learn about Red Raven, and the treasure of the Seven Wonders. Then she had to climb Mount Velvet while nogs slung biffy sludge from their blow tubes while singing insults to her. With her knuckles bloodied and fitz in her hair, she'd reached the summit only to be accused of heresy, for she'd forgotten to remove her shoes. She'd have to climb the whole mountain again, just as penance.
After the six recitals of the Bindinfingin's half a dozen holy books, the extinct lizards granted her a one-hour library pass in their sacred underground grottos. Was it enough time to memorize enough of their holy scripture to be able to compete in the junior nog bible quotation contest and become a wearer of the golden crown of the most kissable-crucifiable? It was, because Shawna really applied herself and memorized no fewer than three verses, which was two more than any junior nog had ever quoted. With the golden crown on her head, she could at last learn the last part of the legend of Red Raven, and find out where the treasure was hidden.
Wealth unimaginable, seven wonders, that's a lot of moolah.
Bindinfingin ghost-holograms followed her around with sad expressions. The long dead intelligences expected better of her.
"We've waited your return for fourteen thousand trine. Red Raven will you not reveal at last the eighth wonder? We have so waited to know the final answer." The Bindinfingin said to Shawna, but she ignored them. They almost sounded like they thought she was someone else and that the treasure was one of those 'the treasure was the adventure' or 'the treasure was really just friendship' or someshit.
Shawna wasn't going to eat an adventure-friendship treasure, not after the nog figurine got smoochies from her. "Jesus, give me the strength of patience not to kick all these nogs."
"Do dead humans talk?" A nog asked.
They began arguing and discussing whether humans could talk when they were dead. Shawna put her two cents in, insisting that she could indeed talk while she was dead.
"Thou shalt not speak to the dead." A nog zealot drew his putty maker. Others pulled out their blow tubes, spit ball launchers and bald makers. One or two had forgot to pack weapons to the witch burning ceremony, but scooped up some dirt into their empty buckets.
"Thou shalt not fart from thy mouth." Shawna said in the dark, mimicking a nog-sounding voice. Then, as she blew a raspberry, the nogs went berserk. They had divided into two groups, each with opposing religious views, although none of them were sure what religious view the group they were divided into was seeing. The sound of the raspberry was like a starting bell, and within minutes the nogs had annihilated themselves, dead nogs scattered everywhere. The last of them finished itself off. Nogs were perfectionists.
"Now for that treasure." Shawna said gleefully. She followed the path through the empty nog village and found their sacred grotto. It was unguarded, and at last, she'd done it, found what she was always told wasn't even real.
"Reality, Shawna." A familiar voice said from the silent swamps all around.
"Who said that?" She asked.
"Reality is the treasure. I just want you to come back to me. I know you're in there. I can feel you dreaming."
Shawna shook her head. "I know what's real."
A few glowing bugs floated lazily on the air past her, going off to some hollow log to party. Shawna felt watched, like someone was holding her hand. It was going to be good, when she didn't find the treasure, what a weird feeling. Shawna shook it off. The treasure was hers.
"You think you can take my treasure?" The space pirate captain's hologramatic ghost stood in her way.
"So, you're Red Raven. Notorious brigand, mutineer and baroness. I'm here for your treasure, I knew it was real, I knew it all along." Shawna smirked. "The aliens, they worshipped you, but I know you're just a criminal." Shawna told her. "You even almost had me fooled with the Bindinfingin holograms making this sound like some sort of morality scam."
"Yet you made it all the way here." Red Raven smiled, proud of Shawna.
"Of course I did. You think I don't know what's real and what isn't?" Shawna laughed.
"The treasure is real. You just have to go through that door and accept what's on the other side." Red Raven pointed. "It's the treasure."
"See? You're still trying to psych me out. I'm abouts to be richer than John Godson. Sick of this." Shawna grabbed the handle, but something felt wrong.
"Just go through." Red Raven urged her.
"I can't." Shawna felt her eyes watering. "I just want to stay here. I'm not ready."
"You'll never be ready to be rich like John Godson. Nobody ever is. Just go in there already. I gots to get my wings, Shawna." Red Raven made 'go on in' gestures, shooing Shawna with the backs of her hands waving up at her.
"If this is any kind of treasure that isn't money, I swear I'm coming back here for you, and even though you're dead, I'll choke you out anyway." Shawna told Red Raven.
"Yes-yes, all that. Now go through already, the hour draws late." Red Raven seemed to have unlimited patience, despite her efforts to urge Shawna into the treasure behind the weird creepy disembodied door floating in the swamp. The door that looked suspiciously like her bedroom door as a child, growing up. Not liking this one bit, no sir.
Shawna took a deep breath, closed her eyes, turned the handle and went through.

Spoilers ahead.
Bollywood’s roster of adult films is a barren wasteland, dotted by the occasional Tusshar KapooMilap Zaveri release. Yet, there may be hope for the genre as long as trailblazing production house YRF keeps churning out experimental masterpieces. For well before there were Kyaa Kool Hain Hum, Masti, and Ragini MMS, there was Mohabbatein. As on several other occasions, YRF embraced the role of innovator and at the turn of the millennium brought to Bollywood what is till date the industry’s only sex-ed film. Unlike Bollywood’s other attempts at adult cinema, Mohabbatein seeks to educate—not titillate—as moustachioed maestro Aditya Chopra examines attitudes towards male masturbation, specially amongst adolescents. To avoid offending conservative sensibilities, this sociological examination is cleverly hidden within a family-friendly romantic drama tale and presented in allegorical terms.
Mohabbatein features an ensemble cast, led by Amitabh Bachchan and DDLJ background actor Shah Rukh Khan, with Aishwarya Rai as a guest star. Although the cast also includes celebrated thespians Uday Chopra, Jugal Hansraj, and Shamita Shetty, a complete listing is omitted here for the sake of brevity. Bachchan plays Narayan Shankar, headmaster of the prestigious Gurukul boys’ college. Shankar is a stickler for rules, and imposes upon his students the need for tradition, prestige, and discipline. His rules extend to a blanket ban on romantic relationships, which forms the crux of the film’s conflict. SRK plays Raj Aryan, a music teacher and disgraced Gurukul alumnus who has returned to the institute under anonymity, with the single goal of melting Shankar’s icy heart and impressing upon him the power of love. Finally, Aishwarya Rai plays the deceased Megha, Shankar’s late daughter and the love interest of Raj Aryan.
In a figurative sense, Gurukul—with its forced confinement, all-male student body, and rigid rules—is a portrayal of restrictive societies that enforce adolescent sexual repression through gender segregation and harsh oversight. Narayan Shankar, as headmaster, is the enforcer of said oversight and abides by his oppressive regulations to set an example. Gurukul’s official motto—‘Parampara Prathishta Anushasan’—may be shortened to ‘PP Anushasan’, the word ‘PP’ being slang for a man’s meat pole of love and ‘Anushasan’ meaning discipline or regulation. Thus through its motto, the institution reveals its intention to exercise total control over its students’ genitalia.
Metaphorically, Narayan Shankar’s rejection of all things romantic/sexual, and his stubborn opposition to any form of change—stated by him multiple times throughout the film—is an allusion to his opposition to puberty and the sexual changes it brings along with it. His choice of garments throughout the film—dull black trousers coupled with matching black sherwanis—prevents viewers from getting a view of his lush curves and adds to his thoroughly sexless demeanour. Additionally, Shankar takes pride in his habit of staring right at the sun for several minutes every morning, which is a clever allusion to the popular myth about masturbation causing damage to eyesight—a lifetime of total abstinence from masturbation has prevented Shankar’s eyes from taking any damage, and therefore he can stare full-bore into the sun for as long as he pleases. Given all this, it is unknown how he fathered a daughter in his state of permanent prepubescence, so it may be deduced that he somehow reproduced asexually. In sum, Shankar is a man struggling to indefinitely delay his own sexual maturity, and thereby desperately clinging on to a simple, childlike innocence of all sexual matters.
Raj Aryan exists as the foil to Narayan Shankar, having arrived at Gurukul with the singular purpose of altering Shankar’s stunted outlook towards sexual maturity. In an allegorical sense, he portrays the biological agents and changes that act as messengers of puberty and sexual maturity, such as gonadotropin-releasing hormones and testosterone. Visually, his urbane, well-dressed appearance, along with his suave and cultured manner, stands in contrast to the dull cluelessness of Narayan Shankar and his wards, and is indicative of his sexual confidence and maturity.
Furthermore, his choice of musical instrument—the violin—is hardly coincidental. A violin requires precise, well-timed stroke-like movements to be made using a long, cylindrical piece of wood. The sight of Raj Aryan lounging comfortably in a chair and playing the violin with long, languid strokes, whilst wearing an expression of both contentment and pleasurable exertion, is certainly suggestive without appearing crass. The fact that his lover Megha is deceased does not decrease Raj Aryan’s passion in the slightest, as she makes an appearance in his imagination every time he leans back, closes his eyes, and handles his violin. Through such a combination of clever visual double entendres, the film conveys Raj Aryan’s use of masturbation and masturbatory fantasies as a healthy outlet for sexual expression and release.
To Gurukul’s ignorant masses, Raj Aryan is nothing short of a revelation. Like a masturbatory Pied Piper, he draws the ignorant, curious, and hypnotized students to his lessons, where he impresses upon them the need to break free of Gurukul’s restrictive confinements and open their hearts and prostate glands to the power of love. In a metaphorical sense, he encourages the students to accept the changes coursing through their bodies, and let puberty begin to run its course.
To best educate Gurukul’s students, Raj Aryan organises a secret dance ball, inviting over students from a neighbouring women’s college. Considering the allegorical nature of storytelling in Mohabbatein, the college and its students are likely imaginary, and the secret dance ball is actually an educational musical lesson on some of the more practical and logistical aspects of masturbation. YRF films have always been renowned for making their song-and-dance routines an integral part of the story, and Mohabbatein is no exception to this tradition of artistic excellence. As Gurukul’s students shuffle into the dance ball, Raj Aryan takes the centre stage and croons, ‘Aankhein khuli ho ya ho band/Deedar unka hota hai/Kaise kahoon main o yaara ye/Pyaar kaise hota hai’, with the lyrics making it clear that while there are many paths to self-pleasure, the path one takes does not matter so long as the destination is the same. With sufficient practice, a master of the art may hone his skills to the point where imagination is all that is required. Meanwhile, the less-skilled are free to keep their eyes open and rely on whatever visual aids they may prefer. Bearing in mind the wide variety of means and techniques employed, it is not for one man to tell another how best to beat his meat.
This educational demonstration, however, is cut short upon the surprise appearance of Narayan Shankar, who discovers Raj Aryan's attempt to arouse Gurukul’s pupils to rebellion against his rules. Shankar uses his authority to turn Raj Aryan’s movement temporarily flaccid, but a defiant Raj Aryan takes up Shankar’s opposition as a challenge, and vows to bring about love in every heart, a cramp in every right hand, and a scraggly hair sprouting from every smooth chin. Raj Aryan begins his campaign by asking Gurukul’s pupils to each write a love letter upon orange maple leaves. The orange maple leaf is a common visual theme throughout the movie, and for good reason—a maple leaf with its five lobes bears an uncanny resemblance to an outstretched palm with its five fingers, coloured an inflamed red perhaps due to excessive use. Thus, the act of writing a love letter upon an orange maple leaf is a clever visual metaphor for the students actually expressing gratitude and affection towards their own hands for the newly-discovered joys their hands have provided them with.
However, the ever-vigilant Narayan Shankar eventually catches onto Raj Aryan’s actions, and realizes that his fearsome gaze is no longer capable of wilting students’ defiant boners. Faced with this prospect, a desperate Shankar begins expelling students, hoping to discourage their peers and Raj Aryan, and therefore stave off the advent of puberty and sexual maturity amongst his wards. This leads to the film’s climax, wherein a gratuitously dripping-wet Raj Aryan meets Shankar, and defiantly tells him that whilst he may have won the battle, he has lost the war, for despite all his authority, Shankar will be forever left alone, because he lacks the powers of imagination and fantasizing that Raj Aryan possesses. Raj Aryan then reveals to Shankar that despite the death of Megha (Shankar’s daughter, it may be remembered), he still fantasizes about her with perfect clarity. However, as previously mentioned, Shankar had likely reproduced asexually to sire Megha, and asexual reproduction leads to genetically-identical offspring. A horrified Shankar realizes that therefore, by masturbating to Megha—his clone—Raj Aryan has been indirectly masturbating to Shankar himself for the past several years. Left shaken by this discovery of the transitive properties of masturbation, a broken Shankar is unable to recover from his shock and resigns as headmaster of Gurukul, leaving Raj Aryan to take the helm and finally bring about his purpose to a glorious conclusion.
Over two decades after release, Mohabbatein stands alone in Indian cinema. Few films have ever attempted such deftly-layered storytelling in treatment of such delicate subject matter. Indeed, if the bar were ever raised, it was only by YRF’s own other creations in subsequent years. No other films, however, have ever had the courage and wit to portray sex-ed as Mohabbatein so well did, and if the subject shall ever make an appearance in the educational curriculum, there can be no doubt that Mohabbatein shall be required viewing for all students, educators, and educational policymakers.