So my (F) best friend “em” and I have been friends for a long time. We both have different ways of Confrontation,she likes to “hear people out” and me on the other hand likes to block and cut people off. So it all started when I came across homophobic post that came on my titok fyp. Tiktok has the thing,that when your friends repost stuff it comes on your fyp,so that's when I realized that one of my school friends reposted that. So me being weirded out I showed my best friend,because that was my natural reaction. She then was surprised and started saying how disrespectful that was. Me being the confrontational person I was asked if I should cut her off that moment,or hear her excuse.
she then said I should hear her out,but at that moment I really didn't want to. This school friend knew about my sexuality,so it really hurt coming from someone who I thought was my friend. Em then started defending her saying how “90% of our school was homophobic and how she probably just said that to “fit in”. But I didn't see that as a valid excuse.
So eventually I texted my school friend screenshots of her repost calling her weird for that. Hours later I get a response and I opened it thinking it was something along the lines of an apology. She sent me a text saying “dw that repost was not abt u” and this is when I started to get mad. I then had a conversation with my best friend again,saying how about this point she's being openly homophobic and not even apologizing.
and honestly the thing that I am most mad about is that she offended me and my community,and was like it wasn't about you”. I see it as her openly saying “i don't like gay people” then telling me an BISEXUAL person and saying “oh i don't mean you!” and the craziest thing is I have friends and family who are also in the lgbt. So ofc I ended blocking her on all platforms. I going spare the details but when I arrived at school,she tried guilt tripping me,an basically started playing the victim. she ended up causing a whole scene. its was an mess.

My childhood was similar to Reena's - I lived in a religious, two-parent household with two siblings. Stay at home mom, dad ran his own business. Lived in a suburban area in a nice house with a pool. Home cooked meals every night.
All good, but I was sheltered. Parents were strict. My memory of this time is fragmented, so I fail to remember all the rules and restrictions placed on me, but I do remember not being allowed to do all the things my peers were allowed to do.
In high school, I spent as much time as possible at my best friend's house, for her parents were way more relaxed than mine. It was with her, away from home, that I began to experience freedom - I had my first drink at 15 at her family's new years party, my first boyfriend was her boyfriend's brother, I went to my first party with her. It felt like I was finally living my life (the kind of life portrayed in all mainstream media in the 90s/00s, anyway).
At 18, I dropped out of community college halfway through my second semester and didn't tell my parents. I hosted a small party (kickback, as we called them) at my own house when they were out of town. I cycled through boys and friends. I worked part-time at the mall and partied.
My parents were obviously concerned. But I don't remember any sort of intervention on their part. They tried talking to me once and I verbally shut down. I've blocked out most of that time (i dissociated regularly back then) but I do remember coming home one day and no longer having a door to my room.
I was about six months into a new relationship at this point, and we had talked about me moving into his parents place to “escape”. My door being removed was the trigger that made me move in with him, which ended up being an abusive relationship that psychologically scarred me for a long time.
Anyway, when this scene played on Under The Bridge, I said to my husband “my dad did that also.” He was shocked. My past then played like a movie in my mind - from the door being taken down to what happened in the years that followed - and I just broke down.
Most of my life I’ve carried guilt for being so “bad”. Now that I’m older, my guilt has turned into sadness that they didn’t try to help me more. That’s what parents are there for, right? To take care of their kids? I hate to blame them for my problems but I was too young, dumb, and naive to help myself.
18 was when I first experienced symptoms of what is now a lifelong relationship with depression. My life would’ve turned out completely differently if my parents had been there for me rather than push me away. My relationship with them now is ok, I guess. I see them a few times a year and talk every so often. But it’s all pretty much surface level.
TL;DR: I bawled my eyes out when Reena’s dad took down her bedroom door cause I experienced the same thing.

In most cases when sales of a product have plateaued, market saturation is often used. That suggests there is more supply than demand for a given product. Western marketplaces are bursting with work options and ways to make money. Today’s young people must act smart and move quick to locate new employment opportunities.In most cases when sales of a product have plateaued, market saturation is often used. That suggests there is more supply than demand for a given product. Western marketplaces are bursting with work options and ways to make money. Today’s young people must act smart and move quick to locate new employment opportunities.

Suppose one wants to be successful in this field, they should focus on expanding markets, developing innovative technology, and uncovering undiscovered company prospects in highly profitable niche industries, among other things (Agarwal et al, 6). Businesses in crowded markets may cut the price of their products to gain a larger market share. As a result, businesses are always undercutting each other to attract new customers. Cost-cutting is a common strategy for firms when profits are stagnant (Simonazzi et al., 17). Unnecessary or avoidable cost savings are welcome, but they don’t address the underlying issue.

Where do I pay my taxes if I am a digital nomad?

According to the recent reports, westerners already pay too many taxes in a number of business entities. Due to the high cost of living in their new home nation, one out of every five American ex-pats is contemplating renunciation of their citizenship. Senators are concerned about how to pay for the deficit, and Senate rules prohibit raising long-term deficits through reconciliation bills. Consequently, more money will be available to Congress if the budget reconciliation plan generates more revenue. The United States will not make significant investments unless Congress makes significant adjustments to the tax structure (Michel et al., 89). Increased budget deficits could slow the long-term growth of the economy. In addition private investment or borrowing from other countries is used to pay for government borrowing when the economy is close to capacity (Chen et al.440). When a person is experiencing difficulties, it might harm their future well-being. To put it another way, the long-term impacts of tax policy are influenced by its incentives and its budgetary implications.
Digital nomads have historically been seen as a threat in some places, but several countries around the world are now actively seeking to attract this growing digital population through new remote work visas.
All this converges into a superstorm, and more and more people will opt for digital nomad opportunities. While tax regulations can vary significantly depending on where you are in the world, general guidelines may be helpful to for those seeking information on paying taxes as a digital nomad. Naturally, tax filing is done with the country of tax residence as determined by the place of a principal residence. Digital nomads, however, may encounter a variety of additional layers of tax residence due to their physical presence in other countries during a tax year. In addition, state/province/territory and local taxes may also apply.

Cancel culture and family safety issues

The cancellation culture has a lot to do with social media and if it hadn’t been for social media, pop culture would not have gotten the attention it has in the previous decade. In most case the cultures are frequently canceled by unfollowing, blocking, and publicly criticizing an organization or individual on social media. Due to their large social media followings, celebrity cancellations often garner much media attention. As a result of using social media to communicate with celebrities, many teenagers desire to emulate their peers. Most adolescent cancel culture is carried out online, primarily via comments and unfollows (Yar et al., 80). This can happen in the real world, such as at school or in extracurricular activities. They are often rejected, mocked, and disregarded by their peers, who have had their activities canceled. Most Western workers are experiencing job instability due to the growth of a “cancel culture” in the workplace (Dąbrowska-Kłosińska, 30). This can be a terrific method for teenagers to learn and grow, as their peers may call them out for using insulting words or acting inappropriately.

Investment analysis and forecasting as part of the individual development strategy

To produce an accurate financial projection, one must consider both general macroeconomic trends and your organization’s specific circumstances. Predicting how much money a company will generate and spend in the future is known as financial forecasting. A full estimate contains both short-term and long-term revenue estimates and costs that aren’t anticipated at the time of the estimate (Poorter et al.120). People who know how to create models are critical to financial forecasting firms that do a good job. Some people have extensive knowledge of the organization, its sectors, and the communities it serves to support them along the way. Similarly, data collection and analysis are critical to the financial forecasting process and the use of the software.

Scenario planning and personal life choices

Global events like COVID 19, inflation, or food crisis can impact our life choices a lot. To avoid reacting to events, we need to think about what might happen in the future. Scenario planning helps us do this. Scenario planning allows business leaders to consider what might happen, reflect on past actions, and devise strategies for positive and poor outcomes. Scenario planning is more than just a means to think about the future when it comes to financial planning. It can assist one in determining how much money you’ll make, how much money you’ll have, and how to manage hazards. Early warning indications of difficulties can be spotted by leaders who make their organizations aware of potential issues (MacKenzie et al.900). One can use scenario planning papers to quickly run through numerous scenarios and figure out the best course of action in the event of a crisis. Making a strategy in the event of an emergency is essential. Having a strategy in place is critical in the event of a product going viral and seeing a threefold increase in demand in a single day.

Building the right skills for the jobs of the future

To be eligible for future employment, one must possess the abilities that will be most in demand. Coding has taken off swiftly as one of the most sought-after skills. Almost any industry can benefit from the versatility and scalability of computer languages. People believe that coding is so prevalent in the workplace that it will soon become an essential skill for everyone. Learning to code is a difficult task. Learning how to code and the language you choose impacts how long it takes to do so (Moldoveanu et al.40). Before you begin learning how to code, look at several computer languages and determine which ones are relevant to your industry. Many people begin by studying HTML or JavaScript when learning a new language. After you’ve mastered the fundamentals, you can move to more popular and widely used languages like Python. It is possible to store and manage corporate data in the cloud while allowing employees to work from home.

Riding on global trends of tomorrow

By adopting an agile culture, knowing how to cope with ambiguity, pushing outside our comfort zones, and quickly adjusting to new trends, among other things, we achieve success. We all agree that the weather has gotten more erratic in the last few decades. Crop failure, sea-level rise, and water scarcity are exacerbated by global warming. Malaria and dengue fever epidemics are also on the rise due to the influx of people from developing countries. According to the Kyoto Protocol, 175 countries have agreed to begin the long process of reducing greenhouse gas emissions by signing it (Penalva et al., 340). According to business leaders worldwide, firms have a larger role in society and should do more than merely follow the law to reduce pollution. According to a McKinsey survey, this is the case. The “triple bottom line” refers to a company’s efforts to benefit its shareholders and its workers and the environment. Increasing numbers of businesses are waking up to the need to lower their carbon footprints, produce ecologically friendly products, and operate their operations for more than just quarterly profits.

References

Agarwal, Khushboo, and Veeraruna Kavitha. “Saturated total-population dependent branching process and viral markets.” arXiv preprint arXiv: 2203.16239 (2022).
Chen, Novia X., and Terry Shevlin. ““US worldwide taxation and domestic mergers and acquisitions” a discussion✰.” Journal of Accounting and Economics 66.2-3 (2018): 439-447.
Dąbrowska-Kłosińska, Patrycja. “The Protection of Human Rights in Pandemics—Reflections on the Past, Present, and Future.” German Law Journal 22.6 (2021): 28-38.
MacKenzie, Meredith A., et al. “Respecting choices and related models of advance care planning: a systematic review of published evidence.” American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine® 35.6 (2018): 897-907.
Michel, Adam N. “When It Comes to Taxation, Borders Matter—Europe and the US Should Act Accordingly.” Heritage Foundation Issue Brief 4855 (2018).
Moldoveanu, Mihnea, and Das Narayandas. “The future of leadership development.” Harvard business review 97.2 (2019): 40-48.
Penalva, Jose. “Innovation, personalised education and Little Red Riding Hood.” International Journal of Lifelong Education 39.4 (2020): 339-355.
Poorter, Lourens, et al. “Can traits predict individual growth performance? A test in a hyperdiverse tropical forest.” New Phytologist 219.1 (2018): 109-121.
Simonazzi, Annamaria, Jorge Carreto Sanginés, and Margherita Russo. “The Future of the Automotive Industry: Dangerous Challenges or New Life for a Saturated Market?” Institute for New Economic Thinking Working Paper Series 141 (2020).
Yar, Sanam, and Jonah Engel Bromwich. “Tales From the teenage cancel culture.” The New York Times (2019).
Authors

Paul Lalovich

Organizational Effectiveness and Strategy Execution Practice

Tesha Teshanovich

Organizational Effectiveness and Strategy Execution Practice

Hi! New here :)
I (21F) have been living with my (43) mother my whole life. She has BPD and lost her parents at a very young age, so she never really knew how to be a mom. I was an easy child so I learned to do everything on my own while also becoming emotionally responsible for her since she made me her "best friend" who she told everything to from about age 5, then my brother (12M) came around and he wasn't so easy. She'd describe me as her pride and joy (also the only reason while she's still alive, since "accidentally becoming pregnant with me gave her life a meaning") and my brother as her biggest disappointment.
She's extremely loving when she's ok, cooks for me, takes me to school and picks me up, chats with me, hugs me, says nice things, treats me with extreme love and care, like a baby, gets me loads of presents for special ocasions and also pays for expensive vacations (we have a paid trip to Disney in september). But when she's not ok, it's hell.
She'll insult me, degrade me, humilliate me in front of people (usually her partners), hit me, say she doesn't love me, tells me to leave her house (while also trying her best to block every option I could have to do so). On a daily basis she'll complain about "having to" do her mother obligations while also saying it's not really her obligation and that me and my brother should be grateful she didn't just drop us off with out fathers and never saw us again. Also whenever she does something that hurts me, minutes or hours later she'll just switch and act lovingly, like nothing happened at all.
I tried to get out once before about two years ago, I wanted to move with some uncles that are elderly and have been like my grandparents my whole life. She made a scene and threatened them into asking me to go back with her.
Right now I have a wonderful partner who wants me to move with him, it's safe and also economically stable enough for me to be fine fully. The plan is I move when the semester ends (about 2 weeks), but since I made the decision I suffer every day.
I feel so sad leaving my mom, I have many extremely conflicting feelings, I don't want her to be sad, I don't want to abandon her, it'll break her heart. She'll also probably be furious at me, she may even cut contact. I don't want to lose her.
Any support or tips you can leave? I'm sure that I want to move and that I want to go trough with it, but I know this process is emotionally destroying me. I don't know who else to ask, my friends support me but their advice isn't as helpful since they don't really understand how I feel, and my partner isn't as helpful either because while he's supportive, he straight up doesn't understand why it is being hard for me. He had normal parents so for him just seeing the bad things my mom does to me, should be more than enough for me to want to leave without struggle (if you also had any resource I could send him about the codependency in abuse I would be super grateful!)
Thanks for reading!

Hi, so basically I expose almost everything in the title and sorry in advance the story will be really long as I want to give as much context I can, also excuse me, if I make too many mistakes, I'm French and my English isn't that good. Also, I will begin by explaining how the medical studies works here, as it will be important for the context and some events. I will call the girl in question H, and her best friend S
The story begins in August 2022, I graduated from high school and I applied to the first year of med school, in France you have to do a year which known to be really difficult and after that you can really say that you are in medical school. As this year is known to be difficult, they are tutorial system who help students throughout the year, and even before they propose tutoring before the year during the holidays.
I went there and while I was waiting for the class to begin, I befriended S and H. We then proceed to be classmates, and talk to each other, via discord and then WhatsApp. H, S and I had really similar hobbies.
For a little bit more of context, high school was really rough for me, I loved another girl who even after rejecting me and friend zoning me, used my feelings to make me work as if I was her slave, I was in charge to explain lessons, doing homework etc... Also, some of whom I consider my friends betrayed me by also using me for money or work. This situation put me in depression and my academical prowess also declined, it was the only thing that was making me proud, so I tried to kill myself twice because of that. Needless to say, I wasn't in the best mental conditions to begin that stressful year.
The first half of the first semester was extremely harsh for me as for the majority of the time, I was alone with my unprocessed thoughts, and it was just horrific, I had no one to talk to and S and H were only comrades back then, we weren't real friends yet. So in order to do something for that situation, I tried to put more efforts in befriending H and S, for real this time, I went in the same classes with them, and we created a WhatsApp group and a discord server with 3 other friends to coordinate ourselves.
One day, as we were about to start cellular biology's class, I saw that H's computer wallpaper was Kaguya Sama Love is War, and I love that anime, so made the remark, and that day, for some reasons that are unknown to me, I fell in love with her. Maybe it was how she spoke about her hobbies, I really don't know. Since that day, I would try to be seated beside her, trying to talk to her, etc...
The second half of the first semester, I told the other members of our group that I was indeed in love with H, it wasn't a big surprise as they said that they noticed my behavioral changes around H. They told me that it was quite miraculous that H didn't notice yet, since then I tried to play it more discreet because even though, I was madly in love with her, I valued our friendship and I didn't want to destroy that.
Fast-forward to the second semester, where H and I were really good friends, and the me of that period even thought that she also had feelings for me because she was really tactical, she opened up more to me than the others. In my defense, she was typically the shy girl you would characterize in your mind, but with me, she was different. She was also kinda flirted with me and even S, (who knew everything from both side as she also became my confident during that time) called it.
Despite my efforts I failed that year, and this failure was devastating, as it's my dream to become doctor, I really thought to end it all, I thought that the disaster of High school was just a taste of this year, that I will never become doctor and my life was futile. Whenever I do some exercise I go to our discord server and I log in the voc, so I can sing while listening to my voice, and it gave me motivation. Sometimes H or S or both would come to discuss or alongside me, and if they came I just muted myself. But some days after the results, I went and as I tried to revise to maybe try to pass the retakes, I ask God for a sign (I'm really religious), and then H came to work her oral exam because she passed. The simple presence of H, gave me enough motivation and inner peace to cast away these thoughts.
I eventually failed the retakes for 0.02 points, but I was taken in the tutoring system, as I was really great in the humanities subjects and was made the chief of that and H was made the chief of the Chemistry subject. I was also good at chemistry, so I wanted to help her, and she accepted. So during the last two weeks of August 2023, I gave chemistry class with her, and we also pass time together in the local the tutors had. She was also kinda flirty and so was I, two other friends (not related to the group I talked about) saw the thing between us, and they ask if we were together, we were both embarrassed, but eventually we denied. When H went away to give a biology class, I had a discussion with them, and they told me to confess myself, because basically I was torturing myself by giving myself false hopes. So the First of September I confess to her, and she rejected me
From good friends we became strangers and went no contact through the entire month of September, but in October we become again friends, but she was kinda weird, some days we were the friends like before, some day I was a stranger and some day she won't say a word to me, but she will just stare at me, and honestly it kinda fucked me up, I was like, did I do something wrong ? Was I the bad guy ? And the first semester of my current undergrad studies took the blow and my mental health too. I directly asked her what was going in November, she assured me that she just needed time. I just told her that we shall at least stay professional (I just took a big part of her responsibilities of Chemistry chief, because she was too busy, and it would be problematic for the students). The pinnacle of absurdity came in January, we had a late Secret Santa, and because God hated me or something, I was the secret Santa, but she didn't show up the day we gave the gifts and after months of her ignoring me, I decided to block her on discord
Again an ellipse to April, another friend of mine sent a message via WhatsApp without me knowing with my phone to H, because I talked too much about her and I needed to talk to her. After she answered me, I told her that it wasn't me, but I sent a long message (even longer than this story) explaining that it wasn't cool what she did that ignoring me just fucked me up, that I don't want to pursue her or anything, that I refuse to die as sad poet (I love to write poetry, and she is a great muse) so I had to conclude this story even if she didn't answer. She said that she didn't know how to process all of this as it was new for her, and she told me that she just run away from her problems and she again apologized because she ignored me. She also said that we could go back to our friendship, and she agreed to see each other one day.
So here I am writing this gigantic post (really sorry about that) and I still love her, I can't take her out of my mind, but I know it's wrong, yet I feel it deep in my soul that I'm still in love with her. Thanks for reading me.

(Holy cow, chats do NOT work right, so Discord is best for talking.)
Tl;dr: basically be a hobbyist, musician, writer, artist, gamer, or geek (any or all, but definitely at least play halo or 40k with me). Must have a demented sense of humor. I cannot be scared away. Looks aren't super important to me if we get along, and I don't care at all if you're a femcel or something as long as you're not abrasive and hateful toward me because you can't work your own stuff out. I don't ghost people either; I will tell you outright if I don't like something about you, and I'd expect the same.
I enjoy writing and worldbuilding as a hobby, I love music, I love sunrises, I love my dog, and I watch too many movies and play too many video games. I can and will talk about music for hours on end. Infodumping about the things I like or the way I feel is my first language, and trivia is my second, so please double text and send me paragraphs. Small talk gives me hemorrhoids. I want to learn everything about you.
I like to laugh at nonsense, and when I'm not having a bad day, I act like a 10 year old. I have seriously bad fibromyalgia, so I mostly have bad days and am stuck home(wherever that currently is) probably playing video games or writing or painting or some hobbyist kind of stuff. I'm not into those bizarre competitive toxic sweat lodges like Valorant or League of Legends though. More like Halo or Destiny or Elden Ring. I play games for fun and for a good story.
My favorite movie is Twins, my favorite show is *probably* sons of anarchy(?), my favorite band is *probably* Van Halen or Pantera. My favorite poet is Robert Frost, favorite author is either Michael Crichton or David Drake. I'm a sucker for vast RPGs with massive lore and vague stories. D&D is a favored pastime when the planets align. It's a great outlet for my writing because I don't have the patience (or talent probably) to attempt a novel.
Anyway, don't get confused on that first bit; demented sense of humor does not mean edge lord or bully. If you are either, don't bother. Same goes for you "brutally honest" types. You're not interesting, you're a jerk. Being one-dimensional is not a personality. I want to partner up with someone, take interest in each other's hobbies, create together, game together, send absurd and stupid memes to each other, you get the idea. I'm here because I'm lonely, not because I'm bored. Don't bug me if you're just bored. I'm not looking to be entertainment for a day or two, I don't want to have to carry the conversation, but I don't want some nutcase that will have meltdowns and block me if I don't text them twice a day. I've been used and ghosted enough. It would also make my day if you could not be a predatory freak. Bottom text.

Hi. My bf and I are high school sweethearts. We’re 24 and have been together since we were 18. Always been extremely close. He joined the Army and got stationed in Korea. He’s been there for a year. Around the same time he left for basic training i moved states for a job. That job didn’t last for me and it was not an easy move for me at all and i dealt with a lot of loneliness, pain, missing him, and financial issues. I got to see him at graduation and it was amazing, we both missed each other so much. Since he’s been in Korea we have obviously been in contact frequently but he seemed to prioritize his friends and new connections and going out and partying until 8am or later. I would rarely go out ever and was honestly just by myself majority of the time. But still we were making it work, distance puts stress on a relationship regardless. I shared my location with him, gave him my instagram password without having either one of his. I did it to make him feel better about my situation as he expressed that he didn’t like i was living in a new state out of my moms house. I understood even though it wasn’t necessarily fair, but i love him to death and just wanted to make him feel better about it. It hasn’t been easy being away from him but i knew he would be coming back to the states and we could be together. I unfortunately wasn’t in the financial place to be able to go over there as i was looking for a new job. (i regret that move with all of me). We talked about marriage lots but he sometimes seemed unsure about it. Fast forward to about a week or so ago. He messaged this guy on my instagram that randomly shared a reel with me of a funny video. Unfortunately, i shared some dirty messages with this person (the lives across the country in another state). Not nudes or anything but that doesn’t make it any better and i will fully 100% admit that (cringe, i know). I never had any intentions of going to visit the guy or do anything with him physically. but i technically still cheated by engaging in something like that. I didn’t message the guy back again after that conversation whenever he would text me, i wouldn’t answer. But the damage has still been done. I don’t know, i feel like a fucking idiot. I know i fucked up and i genuinely feel horrible for what I did. So my bf pretended to be me, responded to the guy and somehow got him to send screenshots of the messages. I don’t know what all was said between them because he deleted the instagram dm thread. I wake up in the morning to my bf sending me a screenshot of one portion of the dms where the other guy sent the screenshot of the messages. He said nothing else just that alone. I obviously explained to him that i have never done anything with the guy and never would, that i was genuinely sorry and understood that i hurt him by doing that. We argued and argued and he told me that we should just probably not be together. Then he proceeded to tell me that he’s been talking to someone that he likes but kept it very vague and didn’t give me much more information than that when i asked. He said that i’m worried about the wrong thing. So i’m not exactly sure what their relationship consists of.. if they’re sleeping together, dating, etc i don’t know but i was the one in the wrong because he saw proof and i didn’t and had no idea he was involved with someone else. Anyways we ended up getting back to a decent place, not great he was still understandably angry. This was all happening as i was in the middle of packing up my apartment and driving my cat and i halfway across the country to move back home. I was super stressed and got sick in the middle of the move so our communication wasn’t great but i have always been the one to make more of an effort communicating and be patient as i know he’s busy. But he always has time to go out and get shit faced with his friends. This is long as fuck i’m sorry but basically moral of the story, now he blocked me on imessage, unfollowed me on snap and instagram, and won’t answer any of my messages on whatsapp. he answered like twice in the last week or so -ish and told me to shut the fuck up. I’m just so sad and don’t know how to go about handling this. He was basically my only and best friend so now i’m just grieving that loss but i know im at major fault. I’ve always been pretty codependent on him and now i just don’t know what to do. i don’t really need advice because i know i was wrong i just feel like i lost a major part of myself and i can’t stop thinking about what he’s doing, who this other girl is, if he’s going to just go be in a relationship with her and forget about me, and if he will ever talk to me again. It’s also just confusing because i messed up but he’s not exactly right either for hiding this new girl he’s been involved with from me. I don’t want the relationship to be over. Oh and also he’s still been logging into my instagram so it’s just all really confusing. Just sucks because i’m sure he’s having a wonderful time over there while i’m alone and depressed. Send help :(

(Holy cow, chats do NOT work right. Send a message to talk to me.)
Tl;dr: basically be a hobbyist, musician, writer, artist, gamer, or geek (any or all, but definitely at least play halo or 40k with me). Must have a demented sense of humor. I cannot be scared away. Looks aren't super important to me if we get along, and I don't care at all if you're a femcel or something as long as you're not abrasive and hateful toward me because you can't work your own stuff out. I don't ghost people either; I will tell you outright if I don't like something about you, and I'd expect the same.
I enjoy writing and worldbuilding as a hobby, I love music, I love sunrises, I love my dog, and I watch too many movies and play too many video games. I can and will talk about music for hours on end. Infodumping about the things I like or the way I feel is my first language, and trivia is my second, so please double text and send me paragraphs. Small talk gives me hemorrhoids. I want to learn everything about you.
I like to laugh at nonsense, and when I'm not having a bad day, I act like a 10 year old. I have seriously bad fibromyalgia, so I mostly have bad days and am stuck home(wherever that currently is) probably playing video games or writing or painting or some hobbyist kind of stuff. I'm not into those bizarre competitive toxic sweat lodges like Valorant or League of Legends though. More like Halo or Destiny or Elden Ring. I play games for fun and for a good story.
My favorite movie is Twins, my favorite show is *probably* sons of anarchy(?), my favorite band is *probably* Van Halen or Pantera. My favorite poet is Robert Frost, favorite author is either Michael Crichton or David Drake. I'm a sucker for vast RPGs with massive lore and vague stories. D&D is a favored pastime when the planets align. It's a great outlet for my writing because I don't have the patience (or talent probably) to attempt a novel.
Anyway, don't get confused on that first bit; demented sense of humor does not mean edge lord or bully. If you are either, don't bother. Same goes for you "brutally honest" types. You're not interesting, you're a jerk. Being one-dimensional is not a personality. I want to partner up with someone, take interest in each other's hobbies, create together, game together, send absurd and stupid memes to each other, you get the idea. I'm here because I'm lonely, not because I'm bored. Don't bug me if you're just bored. I'm not looking to be entertainment for a day or two, I don't want to have to carry the conversation, but I don't want some nutcase that will have meltdowns and block me if I don't text them twice a day. I've been used and ghosted enough. It would also make my day if you could not be a predatory freak. Bottom text.

I think all my problems started somwhere in 2019, when I changed schools for the thousandth time.
During the next change, I got sick and they sent me to the hospital for a week. And idk I think that was the moment that changed everything. It was in 2019. The experience in the hospital was terrible, but more importantly, when I left I felt... idk gentle? Unreal? Everything seemed strange. I was leaving home to go to school. Traveling by bus. Crossing to the other side. Got on the second bus. Came home, go to bed and cried. Day by day.
On the one hand, I started reading more and felt "creative", on the other hand, reality terrified me. Then, thanks to home school, I was able to ignore the symptoms. But over time they began to disturb my interests. I stop reading. In fact, I had a strong feeling that if I touched the book I would destroy it somehow. And if I damage one, the whole collection will collapse.
Then I made friends with someone and that also ended badly, because my paranoia told me more and more strange things. I removed myself from the Internet and spent 2023 tightly locked at home.
Now I have this feeling of unreality again. Sometimes I feel like I'm looking at something, I see words, I understand them, but... at the same time I don't? As if there was a stain in the very center blocking my full view?
I have also been hearing the heartbeat continuously since April. I mean day in and day out. It is in the head, in the hands, in the legs. Thanks to it, my head is a perpetual migraine. My arms and legs are weak. The belly is heavy, as if all the organs had enlarged within a month. I'm shaking and I keep expecting to fall.
All days are the same: I wake up, it's even bearable, I eat, I browse something, I take a bath and... It all begins. The pain sends me straight to bed. And so I sit in it. I can't read books again - comics are the best my brain can handle.
Sometimes I try to walk because I feel a little less tired outside the house, but lately it's been difficult too. My legs feel so heavy, as if I fighting gravity. So. Basically, I'm just waiting for the moment to take a sleeping pill and have a moment of peace.
Last week I was taken to hospital because I was vomiting. They took me in this one because I fainted in the bus. They did the same tests again and said everything was fine and I could go home.
In addition, I have visited many other doctors, but each of them focuses on one small thing and completely ignores the whole thing. Always just "take bibloc", then "drink electrolytes", and then "yes, you had side effects last time, but here's hydroxyzine again”. (And yesterday doctor literally said "yes, this medicine for your blood pressure probably won't help you, but that's okay. I'll give it to you anyway. If you faint again, please come back for more diagnostics :)")
I think everyone is tired of me. Doctors look on and become more and more confused. My mother went from "yes, we need to find a psychiatrist and help you" to "well, you have a small hump on the back of your neck sooo... maybe it's his fault?".
I don't have patience anymore either. I just want screaming. I used to have a bearable life. Why can't I have it now? Will it always be like this?
I feel pathetic.
(Also sorry if anything sounds weird. English is not my first language and I recently took a sleeping pill, so I probably have messed something up. But I really had to vent somewhere :x)

Kena: Bridge of Spirits is such a good game despite being so… well… basic.
It’s simple — almost overly so — yet it is beloved by so many seasoned and experienced gamers.
What I got curious about after playing the game myself and reading a number of pseudo-reviews online was how exactly it achieved this.
How did a package so entry-level-looking garner such respect by 201 and 301 students?
--
The ‘Fields’ region is a great example of Kena’s dichotomy.
It’s gorgeous and inviting, with sea-foamed vistas, lush landscape and rushing waterways. There’s a even a big, lovable pet bull towering over the myriad of cute little Rot dudes scampering through the foliage. The whole place is just friendly.
Why then, does it end up being one of the game’s longest, deepest and most complex sections? Consider its many scattered puzzles, which ask you to combine platforming, archery, environmental awareness and combat proficiency. There’s even a handful of red herring platforms that you can’t properly interact with until later in your puzzle solving endeavor.
The ‘Fields’ are a microcosm of the game as a whole. A childish, Pixar-esque shell which, when uncovered, reveals a complex, involved gameplay experience underneath.
Kena: Bridge of Spirits invites you to be a kid, but treats you like an adult. This is something very few games manage — or even attempt — and it’s what makes Kena so unique, memorable and special.
--
Kena crushes its tone and aesthetic on all fronts to create something that’s desirable and attainable to a group outside of hardcore gamers.
Kena’s visuals are youthful and welcoming by using cartoonish and fairytale-esque art design. The game’s companions do the same — the Rot are your constant brigade of adorable little plush-like, Pikimin-esque comrades who hop as you walk, munch on berries, clumsily trip over each other, and squeak in pitches that can only described as ‘cute.’ You can even give them little hats to wear. They’re pets and it’s all so mired in youthful innocence that I cringe even typing it.
From a distance, Kena appears childish and immature based on its outward appearance. That is, until you peel back its outer layer.
--
The game looks like something your five-year-old might enjoying toying with on your iPad, “you-got-games-on-yo-phone?” style. But there are four elements in its building blocks that make it a game not optimized for your five-year-old on their own;

1. Narrative
2. Puzzles
3. Platforming
4. Combat

Narrative
As far as the game’s story is concerned, it may begin bright and innocent enough, but it deals not-abstractly with death and loss.
Consider that all three boys you meet in the early game — Taro, Benni and Saiya are actually dead, I-see-dead-people style. Consider also that Kena’s entire journey revolves around the loss of her own father and her desire to reconnect with him.
Additionally, it is Toshi’s selfishness and his desire to be the hero that actually ends up bringing death and destruction to his village when he jumps the gun and kills and the mountain spirit in cold blood.
Merciless affronts on nature and an up-front dealing with death and grief are not exactly for the young of age, despite their youthful packaging.
Puzzles
It would be a waste of word count to explain in detail the steps necessary to complete certain puzzles in Kena just as a set of examples to prove the point.
If you’ve played or watched gameplay, you know the puzzles are surprisingly involved, consisting often of multiple steps to complete that build on each other and require the use of all of your abilities in tandem.
One of the bigger “ah-hah” moments I recall was when I realized I could order my Rot minions to move objects while Kena stood on top of said object in order to give me a leg up to jump to a previously unreachable ledge.
Platforming
Speaking of ledges, jumping to and from them is tight and precise in Kena.
Platforming challenges are often timed (your aura-bomb weapon only activates platforms for specifically-timed bursts). Combining their scheduled nature with the need to rotate them via precise archery, mid-air grappling segments and more makes for a movement experience that is involved enough to demand the player’s full attention for every tick of the clock.
Kena and her world’s gravity also have a decided, predictable weight to them that’s not exactly forgiving, meaning the act of jumping to and fro is exact while also requiring exactness.
Combat
Fighting the enemies of Kena is similarly involved.
The cadence with which the game throws opponents your way combined with the complexities of dealing meaningful damage to said opponents creates a combat scenario which demands the player fluidly wield and swap between both melee and ranged options while carefully managing space on the battlefield.
Kamikaze-style enemies often rush Kena in carefully-spaced and well-timed waves, while enemies with shields and shells hide their weak points from visibility. Enemies like this require certain sequences to beat — be it a well-placed bomb and arrow combo, a parry, or a maneuvering to an enemy’s backside.
Boss encounters lean into these mechanics but also present new wrinkles — The Hunter fight asks the player to rethink their tactics and find a way to deal with an airborne opponent who is apt at dodging bombs and arrows, for example.
The final few bosses ask you to take everything you’ve learned throughout your journey and apply it all at once, and if you don’t… it’s defeat for Kena.
--
The above sounds like I’m describing a souls-like with platforming elements as the ‘fresh take’ in addition to the enrapturing combat.
Games that provide this much of a challenging, involved experience are typically darker in tone — be it music, environment, or what-have-you. I don’t think too many people would call Kena ‘hard,’ but these are the same people who died 10+ times to The Hunter or Corrupted Toshi.
If this game had a darker, moodier skin, would more people describe it as hard or not for the faint of heart?
In this way, Kena: Bridge of Spirits is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
It is accessible to new players and younger gamers due to its pleasing and friendly atmosphere. But by its conclusion, it is likely to season them into better gamers. If a newbie gamer picks up Kena, they’re in for a surprise and (hopefully) delight when they find something deeper than that which they first expected.
On the other hand, Kena is a worthwhile experience for veteran gamers if they drop their toxic masculinity and play a goofy kids game with a female protagonist. This is a game that will undoubtedly earn their respect by requiring their attention, precision and commitment throughout its experience. Like the newbie gamers, gaming veterans are in for a surprise and (certainly) delight when they find something deeper than that which they first expected.
--
Kena: Bridge of Spirits is a good experience for everyone. By balancing being adorable with being difficult, it earns the respect and appreciation of everyone who plays it. Its accessibility makes it easy to recommend to anyone and the game thus earns itself a bigger audience as a result.
Its narrative and gameplay might not separate themselves in terms of newness from a saturated market, but the surprise and delight the game provides delivers an experience to its players that isn’t typical of the space.
By striking the balance between wolf and sheep, Kena elevates its quality to something beyond just the content within.
--
…and yet…
I can’t help but think, as I summarize this article, that if a game is for everyone, doesn’t that, on some level, mean it is also for no one?
I mean, when you look at the game’s narrative or gameplay, it’s not exactly reinventing the wheel here. In fact, Kena does just about nothing new. It spits out the same exact version of a game we’ve been playing for decades in the form of Tomb Raider or Uncharted or The Legend of Zelda or God of War.
Critically speaking, both the gameplay and narrative are pretty damn milquetoast.
You’re in a world infected by some arbitrary Darkness and since you’re Special and The Chosen One™ it’s your job to go around cleansing the world of evil using a combination of environmental platforming, lever and pressure plate puzzle-solving and lock-on-based, sword-swinging driven combat.
It wouldn’t be difficult to make the argument that Kena is bland.
But the discourse around the game just isn’t about that.
The game’s scored an 81 on Metacritic and has a 92% positive review rating on Steam at time of writing. It recouped its development costs in just one month, meaning every sale since then is hitting the bottom line.
People like this game.

Quick aside from me here on something that made me smile — when double-checking the score on Steam for the above info, I found these as the first two reviews at the very top of the queue: “yo wtf. bought this game to chill, why does it feels like im playing souls-like difficulty ass game HAHAHAH.” “Don’t be fooled by the graphics. This game can be a challenge at times, but it is worth the experience.”

So maybe being an experience for everyone really was the kicker?
Or, maybe, it was something else.
In fact, yeah, I can confidently say it was. It’s a game reviewer’s buzzword, but it’s oh-so apt here: polish.
--
The entire experience of playing Kena is smooth. There are no framerate drops, no bugs, no broken quests or puzzles, no desynced dialogue and facial animations. Not a single hiccup to speak of.
The game features exacting archery, precise platforming, telegraphed and accurate hitboxes, as well as an unimpeding camera, responsive and weighty combat and legible visual design that accurately communicates with the player.
You can move through Kena virtually unobstructed (until you come across a puzzle you can’t solve, but that’s your problem, not the game’s). Everything is built carefully and gels together in a cohesion that works so fluidly that playing Kena is simply frictionless.
The game’s developers — Ember Lab — nailed the fundamentals, paid attention to detail and play-tested perfectly. Their effort to go above and beyond saved this game from sinking into the obscurity of being completely and utterly Mid.
--
It’s frictionlessness that elevates Kena beyond itself. It makes the game greater than the sum of its parts. It makes Kena a complete, finished and polished experience.
Kena presents itself like it’s Disney Pixar’s latest goofy-ass, lame-ass, sub-par video game, but lying underneath the childish aesthetic is a challenging and engaging experience that’s not only a boon for all audiences of gamers, but a worthwhile one thanks to its extreme polish and dedication.
You should play it.

Kena: Bridge of Spirits is such a good game despite being so… well… basic.
It’s simple — almost overly so — yet it is beloved by so many seasoned and experienced gamers.
What I got curious about after playing the game myself and reading a number of pseudo-reviews online was how exactly it achieved this.
How did a package so entry-level-looking garner such respect by 201 and 301 students?
--
The ‘Fields’ region is a great example of Kena’s dichotomy.
It’s gorgeous and inviting, with sea-foamed vistas, lush landscape and rushing waterways. There’s a even a big, lovable pet bull towering over the myriad of cute little Rot dudes scampering through the foliage. The whole place is just friendly.
Why then, does it end up being one of the game’s longest, deepest and most complex sections? Consider its many scattered puzzles, which ask you to combine platforming, archery, environmental awareness and combat proficiency. There’s even a handful of red herring platforms that you can’t properly interact with until later in your puzzle solving endeavor.
The ‘Fields’ are a microcosm of the game as a whole. A childish, Pixar-esque shell which, when uncovered, reveals a complex, involved gameplay experience underneath.
Kena: Bridge of Spirits invites you to be a kid, but treats you like an adult. This is something very few games manage — or even attempt — and it’s what makes Kena so unique, memorable and special.
--
Kena crushes its tone and aesthetic on all fronts to create something that’s desirable and attainable to a group outside of hardcore gamers.
Kena’s visuals are youthful and welcoming by using cartoonish and fairytale-esque art design. The game’s companions do the same — the Rot are your constant brigade of adorable little plush-like, Pikimin-esque comrades who hop as you walk, munch on berries, clumsily trip over each other, and squeak in pitches that can only described as ‘cute.’ You can even give them little hats to wear. They’re pets and it’s all so mired in youthful innocence that I cringe even typing it.
From a distance, Kena appears childish and immature based on its outward appearance. That is, until you peel back its outer layer.
--
The game looks like something your five-year-old might enjoying toying with on your iPad, “you-got-games-on-yo-phone?” style. But there are four elements in its building blocks that make it a game not optimized for your five-year-old on their own;

1. Narrative
2. Puzzles
3. Platforming
4. Combat

Narrative
As far as the game’s story is concerned, it may begin bright and innocent enough, but it deals not-abstractly with death and loss.
Consider that all three boys you meet in the early game — Taro, Benni and Saiya are actually dead, I-see-dead-people style. Consider also that Kena’s entire journey revolves around the loss of her own father and her desire to reconnect with him.
Additionally, it is Toshi’s selfishness and his desire to be the hero that actually ends up bringing death and destruction to his village when he jumps the gun and kills and the mountain spirit in cold blood.
Merciless affronts on nature and an up-front dealing with death and grief are not exactly for the young of age, despite their youthful packaging.
Puzzles
It would be a waste of word count to explain in detail the steps necessary to complete certain puzzles in Kena just as a set of examples to prove the point.
If you’ve played or watched gameplay, you know the puzzles are surprisingly involved, consisting often of multiple steps to complete that build on each other and require the use of all of your abilities in tandem.
One of the bigger “ah-hah” moments I recall was when I realized I could order my Rot minions to move objects while Kena stood on top of said object in order to give me a leg up to jump to a previously unreachable ledge.
Platforming
Speaking of ledges, jumping to and from them is tight and precise in Kena.
Platforming challenges are often timed (your aura-bomb weapon only activates platforms for specifically-timed bursts). Combining their scheduled nature with the need to rotate them via precise archery, mid-air grappling segments and more makes for a movement experience that is involved enough to demand the player’s full attention for every tick of the clock.
Kena and her world’s gravity also have a decided, predictable weight to them that’s not exactly forgiving, meaning the act of jumping to and fro is exact while also requiring exactness.
Combat
Fighting the enemies of Kena is similarly involved.
The cadence with which the game throws opponents your way combined with the complexities of dealing meaningful damage to said opponents creates a combat scenario which demands the player fluidly wield and swap between both melee and ranged options while carefully managing space on the battlefield.
Kamikaze-style enemies often rush Kena in carefully-spaced and well-timed waves, while enemies with shields and shells hide their weak points from visibility. Enemies like this require certain sequences to beat — be it a well-placed bomb and arrow combo, a parry, or a maneuvering to an enemy’s backside.
Boss encounters lean into these mechanics but also present new wrinkles — The Hunter fight asks the player to rethink their tactics and find a way to deal with an airborne opponent who is apt at dodging bombs and arrows, for example.
The final few bosses ask you to take everything you’ve learned throughout your journey and apply it all at once, and if you don’t… it’s defeat for Kena.
--
The above sounds like I’m describing a souls-like with platforming elements as the ‘fresh take’ in addition to the enrapturing combat.
Games that provide this much of a challenging, involved experience are typically darker in tone — be it music, environment, or what-have-you. I don’t think too many people would call Kena ‘hard,’ but these are the same people who died 10+ times to The Hunter or Corrupted Toshi.
If this game had a darker, moodier skin, would more people describe it as hard or not for the faint of heart?
In this way, Kena: Bridge of Spirits is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
It is accessible to new players and younger gamers due to its pleasing and friendly atmosphere. But by its conclusion, it is likely to season them into better gamers. If a newbie gamer picks up Kena, they’re in for a surprise and (hopefully) delight when they find something deeper than that which they first expected.
On the other hand, Kena is a worthwhile experience for veteran gamers if they drop their toxic masculinity and play a goofy kids game with a female protagonist. This is a game that will undoubtedly earn their respect by requiring their attention, precision and commitment throughout its experience. Like the newbie gamers, gaming veterans are in for a surprise and (certainly) delight when they find something deeper than that which they first expected.
--
Kena: Bridge of Spirits is a good experience for everyone. By balancing being adorable with being difficult, it earns the respect and appreciation of everyone who plays it. Its accessibility makes it easy to recommend to anyone and the game thus earns itself a bigger audience as a result.
Its narrative and gameplay might not separate themselves in terms of newness from a saturated market, but the surprise and delight the game provides delivers an experience to its players that isn’t typical of the space.
By striking the balance between wolf and sheep, Kena elevates its quality to something beyond just the content within.
--
…and yet…
I can’t help but think, as I summarize this article, that if a game is for everyone, doesn’t that, on some level, mean it is also for no one?
I mean, when you look at the game’s narrative or gameplay, it’s not exactly reinventing the wheel here. In fact, Kena does just about nothing new. It spits out the same exact version of a game we’ve been playing for decades in the form of Tomb Raider or Uncharted or The Legend of Zelda or God of War.
Critically speaking, both the gameplay and narrative are pretty damn milquetoast.
You’re in a world infected by some arbitrary Darkness and since you’re Special and The Chosen One™ it’s your job to go around cleansing the world of evil using a combination of environmental platforming, lever and pressure plate puzzle-solving and lock-on-based, sword-swinging driven combat.
It wouldn’t be difficult to make the argument that Kena is bland.
But the discourse around the game just isn’t about that.
The game’s scored an 81 on Metacritic and has a 92% positive review rating on Steam at time of writing. It recouped its development costs in just one month, meaning every sale since then is hitting the bottom line.
People like this game.

Quick aside from me here on something that made me smile — when double-checking the score on Steam for the above info, I found these as the first two reviews at the very top of the queue: “yo wtf. bought this game to chill, why does it feels like im playing souls-like difficulty ass game HAHAHAH.” “Don’t be fooled by the graphics. This game can be a challenge at times, but it is worth the experience.”

So maybe being an experience for everyone really was the kicker?
Or, maybe, it was something else.
In fact, yeah, I can confidently say it was. It’s a game reviewer’s buzzword, but it’s oh-so apt here: polish.
--
The entire experience of playing Kena is smooth. There are no framerate drops, no bugs, no broken quests or puzzles, no desynced dialogue and facial animations. Not a single hiccup to speak of.
The game features exacting archery, precise platforming, telegraphed and accurate hitboxes, as well as an unimpeding camera, responsive and weighty combat and legible visual design that accurately communicates with the player.
You can move through Kena virtually unobstructed (until you come across a puzzle you can’t solve, but that’s your problem, not the game’s). Everything is built carefully and gels together in a cohesion that works so fluidly that playing Kena is simply frictionless.
The game’s developers — Ember Lab — nailed the fundamentals, paid attention to detail and play-tested perfectly. Their effort to go above and beyond saved this game from sinking into the obscurity of being completely and utterly Mid.
--
It’s frictionlessness that elevates Kena beyond itself. It makes the game greater than the sum of its parts. It makes Kena a complete, finished and polished experience.
Kena presents itself like it’s Disney Pixar’s latest goofy-ass, lame-ass, sub-par video game, but lying underneath the childish aesthetic is a challenging and engaging experience that’s not only a boon for all audiences of gamers, but a worthwhile one thanks to its extreme polish and dedication.
You should play it.

tl:dr: painful situationship gone wrong, I might never see her again and it hurts
It was a situationship, She was horrible for me, constantly finding ways to purposely hurt me or make me feel bad. Everyday was almost spent constantly in fear of what she would do. I made a lot of mistakes and some stupid ones but even then I tried to grow and be the best for her. She rarely ever said sorry and continued to manipulate me.
She was a senior and I was a junior in high school, I excused all the things she did and forgave her because I know that her life had not been easy for her so I excused her actions.
We were on and off until she decided to end it and she unfollowed me, she would then follow me again and then unfollow me which led me to just blocking her as I was told it would help, it did and I feel just a little better.
Now it’s near the end of the school year, I’m finding out things about her and what she done that shows me the real her. She’s talking to her sophomore friend that she used to like back in their freshman year and now they’re talking again, she would tell me that he’s just a friend even though she would get mad at me for having female friends. There’s the possibility that she cheated on me while we were talking romantically. Basically I found out a lot about her since we stopped talking and it makes me a little relived that we are no longer together.
Yet I still feel sad and I’m kinda worried for her. She’s leaving high school, I hope she knows what she wants to do and I hope that life treats her well in the future, But I’ll never see her again. That’s both reliving and heartbreaking. 💔

I will give you an overview (its a pretty long read I'm sorry) of my dating life and then I will ask you guys 3 questions at the end. Please if you have criticism, tell me and don't spare my feelings. If you have more questions about me that I may have forgotten to put here, please ask them and I will try to answer them.
I was born in the Philippines but I was raised here in Canada. My first girlfriend was when I was in Vancouver Island. I was in middle school back then and she was my best friend. I was always an introvert and I always prefer to be alone or have at least one or two friends. I don't have a social anxiety or something like that. I just prefer to be friends with as few people as possible and I was happy the way I was. As the only asian person in the school I was sometimes picked on and most of the time ignored. But she was there for me despite what other people thought about me. We are each others first kiss and I thought at the time that she was the love of my life. My parents decided that we move to Edmonton, Alberta to have more job opportunities. So my girlfriend and I broke it off and we cried when we said goodbye to each other.
When I arrived in Edmonton, I was in junior high school. I had crushes here and there and many girls had crushes on me but I was never in a serious relationship. Fast forward in my high school days, I met my 2nd girlfriend. I am still an introvert. She had a crush on me and I had a crush on her so we hit it off. We were great together, we made each other laugh, we supported each other through tough times with school and with our families and I lost my virginity to her. This is when I find out that I have a pretty high sex drive. Almost everyday after school we would have sex in any secluded places like in my bedroom or in her bedroom and it was amazing. Fast forward towards the end of our relationship, I find out from her friend that she was cheating on me. So I talked to her if it was true and she admitted it. I tried my best to stay calm and as she was about to explain herself, I couldn't bottle up my emotions anymore and I stood up and left her there. I was holding myself back until I found a tree to hide behind and I started crying. I stayed behind that tree for 2 hours. (We were together for 1.5 years)
That relationship really broke me. My confidence was shattered. I felt like I didn't deserve love. Until one day when I looked myself in the mirror I thought to myself that maybe the reason why she cheated on me was because I didn't look attractive enough. I was very skinny during that time. So from then on, I started working out and started training in boxing and wrestling almost religiously.
Fast forward to around 2021 and I am now pretty muscular and I know how to defend myself boosting my confidence up greatly. I'm 5'11 and 170 lbs guy. I also saved enough money from my job so I can start investing in stocks. I earned enough money to invest so I quit my job (I was about to get fired anyway because of COVID-19) and I became a fulltime trader and I am now self-employed (I still am today). This is the time when i met my last girlfriend. I was still an introvert and she was also somewhat an introvert. I really thought we were perfect together. She became my best friend. We supported each other during the lockdown. We started long driving to go to hiking in Banff and Vancouver multiple times. She and I adopted a golden retriever puppy. Our sex was amazing we learned a lot of things about how to pleasure each other and I always made sure that she orgasm at least two times before I finish. We communicated perfectly about our problems. All in all it was a very healthy and loving relationship.
Then about 4 months before our break up, she started to "distance" herself from me gradually. I started planning surprise dates and decorating our apartment with romantic stuff and other cheesy stuff so when she comes back from work she can still see how much I love and cherish her. When I want to initiate sex she sometimes refuses politely and when she did accept to have sex she seemed uninterested and just laid there and I did most of the work. So one day I finally confronted her about it and she told me that she is just busy from college and work. I said, I understand and I offered my hand to help her in her studies and she said no. So she took a deep breath and told me she wants to move to her friends house for a while. I was shocked but I didn't resist her. I said, I understand and agreed to give each other some space. I made sure to let her know that when she is ready to talk I am always here. So she packed her stuff, took the dog and moved to her friends.
3 weeks later of waiting for her to contact me, she texted me one sentence. She said, "I don't think this is going to work out, we should break it up here." She didn't explain herself, she could have at least broke up with me in person or at least call me.. (we were together for 2.5 years)
I texted her about an explanation. No answer. I texted her friend about her. No answer. I tried to message her through her social medias but she blocked me from all of them. I was frustrated, angry and heartbroken again. I wanted to go to her friend house to see if she is still there or go to her parents home. The only reason I didn't was because I didn't want to look like a creep or a stalker. I was frustrated. I didn't know where did I went wrong. I did not know if I hurt her. I was given no explanation on where I went wrong! I kept thinking maybe she is seeing someone else from school or work which just further breaks my heart because my last cheating gf traumatized me.
I need help. I'm at my lowest right now and because I don't have any friends to talk to, I'm just by myself. My family and I are not close. We don't hate each other but we just don't talk to one another. They always raised me as an independent man. I usually come out on top when dealing with my problems by myself but this is different. Even after improving my body, being financially independent and trying my best to make my girlfriend happy, I was still left alone and discarded. I'm hating life right now. Suicide does cross my mind more than I would like. And I'm considering it. I need some advice. All my life I've dreamed of falling in love and starting a family. And right now, I don't know if I can start another relationship and ending in another heartbreak because I am certain if that happens again I don't know if I have the strength to keep living.
I don't drink or smoke or go to the club or parties. Her friend circle sometimes do that and she did partied with them two times. Maybe she left me because I'm too boring? I've asked in other social media and they told me maybe I should start drinking and start going to clubs. They told me that my gf probably felt like she didn't have any competition because I don't talk to other women. They also told me to try to stop being an introvert.
1) How do I get my confidence back up after this? Did you experience getting cheated on or being ghosted? How did you deal with it?
2) I know that there are good women out there. So how do I filter good ones from the bad ones? Is there a way to know if she is a good woman without getting in a relationship and risk getting heartbroken again?
3) Should I follow the other people's advices and start drinking and clubbing and also to stop being introverted?
I know you may think I'm naive about love and I'm starting to realize it now too. But I just want to listen to other people's advice because it does help me with the pain even if its just a little bit.

Freshly back and awake after a twelve day stint for my first time there. I knew that I wanted to go in general, and while I didn't have a firm itinerary planned out, there was one main goal that I had in terms of sites within the country. The main video game that I play is Beatmania IIDX, and it has internal trophies which are represented as badges. Your profile allows you to assign up to five of them as visible when you start a new round, and there are badges to earn for playing at least one round in every prefecture in Japan, as well as every subregion. Getting the Kanto badge meant that I needed to play at least one round in Tokyo, Kanagawa, Saitama, Gunma, Tochigi, Ibaraki, and Chiba. After five days, I had that complete, and now I have a permanent record of this trip within the game itself. There was also a time-limited event to earn points in IIDX in order to exchange them for goods, such as a hat, or a towel, or a new account card and a poster, and I managed to get that taken care of in somewhat dramatic fashion. I did some other things too.
Primary general points
· Getting Suica set on the phone and using it was generally painless. There were only two times where I needed to summon the help of a resident JR employee to clear up an issue with the gate not reading the card for some reason.
· Most vocal interaction which I had was the opposite of painless, because I continuously kept trying to speak Japanese and failing, and most people would realize that I was completely failing at it and responded with English (some with full on sentences, others with just a few words). There were a few rare times that I was able to express my intent in Japanese, receive a response, understand the response, and reply as necessary, but that was rare. Once English was invoked, I would stay with it, because that's what they were expecting. I've been self-studying the language for more than twenty years in varying degrees of intensity, and while my reading comprehesion seemed sufficient enough for this trip, and while I didn't expect my speaking to be as good because I don't have any opportunity to practice speaking, I came away bitterly disappointed in my vocal and speaking comprehension in terms of my interaction with people there. Even within the trip I could at least overhear common chitchat better, but any time I needed to converse with someone for some reason, I usually needed to have things repeated several times and broken down before I finally realized what was being said.
· You are going to be asked about separately buying a bag with every non-food purchase. Accept or immediately present one that you are carrying to indicate how your purchase shall be bagged.
· I never once had my passport requested for presentation.
· Only once did a person volutnarily reach out to address me, and it was just to ask me where I was from in English. Otherwise, everyone left me alone the entire time.
· Weather through the period was ideal. Mid to upper 70F/25C range and only a few days where it was rainy, and even then it wasn't a downpour. A while ago I personally resolved to only wear suits in public and I purchased a new pair of Mephisto shoes after hearing reports of the extensive walking causing problems for traveller's feet and shoes. My attire help up well; there were only a few times that I needed to avoid sunlight to not get too hot, and I have no issues to report from the shoes.
· I only got X'd out of a restaurant one time, and I think it's only because I wandered into it before it was ready for service. Otherwise, I never once waited in line for food, I never once went to restaurant more than once, and all food was acceptably priced for the portion and excellent for the quality.
For these per-day recounts, I wrote them contemporaneously at the end of each day, so you'll need to forgive me for some writing being in present tense and other writing being in past tense.
Day 1 - Travel, Sugamo, Ikebukuro
Non stop flight from Chicago OHare to Haneda. 12 hours. Good thing I usually don't watch movies, because that just means that all I needed to do was binge a few to make the trip go by.
Pre-trip research led me to choose APA Sugamo as my home base for the visit, and I think that it was a very fortuitious choice. I'll have more to say about it later.
Some awkward encounters happened right away upon checking in here. I was at the nearby Family Mart to buy some things and I didn’t catch that he was making sure I wanted a bag until he repeated it five times. Yes, I’ll take it. Before getting there I was coming down to ground level after checking into my room, and when that person saw that I would have been the only other person going down to the ground, they ducked right back out. I was warned on both of these kinds of things happening, so I guess it’s good to have that immediately out of the way. It would turn out that people deliberately avoiding me was rare throughout the trip.
Despite not sleeping on the trip, I had freshly arrived and had no sense of being tired, so once I had my stuff down, I went off to Ikebukuro right away. No picture or video truly conveys how crowded these areas can get. It can only be experienced in person to be understood.
I soon found Round One Ikebukruo and went right in. So dense and loud. It’s entirely alien to me to see no less than ten IIDX machines in operation and all of them in use. I dumped the money into random tickets, as I foresaw doing, but now I have to wonder if that was the right thing to do, or if it’s tied to that location. I guess I’ll find out.
The forecast is for rain so I need to be in a hurry to figure out where I’m going to go. There might be only one day left for me to get my time limited toys.
Day 2 - Kawasaki, Kanagawa - Utsunomiya, Tochigi - Oomiya, Saitama
My body decided that it only needed four hours of sleep this morning. Without doing more research, I somehow decided to assume that more of the Round One locations were close to 24 hours of operation much like Ikebukuro. Answer: no. I hopped on the train early and went to Shibuya first, but it was very quiet, so I decided to get some of the travels out of the way today and headed south to Kawasaki. I still needed to dawdle for a while until Silk Hat opened at 900AM, and when I finally was able to get inside, I was only able to verify that their store had several allotments of the campaign goods and all allotments were out. Played one round on a monitor that was surprisingly blurry, and I don’t know why that would be the case with a lightning model, but it was, so that was enough.
After doing all of that, I resolved to try to go to Chiba and Ibaraki afterwards. I figured that with Kanagawa and Tokyo likely all out, going to the outskirts would make more sense. However, there was an injury on one of the rails that threw everything off normal, and the train I found myself riding was bound for Utsunomiya instead. Seeing as how I was going to go there eventually, I rolled with it.
It doesn’t take too long to move away from Tokyo metropolitan area before you encounter more forest like areas and rice paddy fields. Halfway through the trip I noticed that two older women suddenly hopped off while the train was waiting to go to the next stop, and I followed them when I realized they found the express line. Utsunomiya has a substantial size to its area and buildings but it was very quiet on the streets there in midday. Walked a mile to Sega GIGO, found that they didn’t even have the goods tracker up. All out. Interesting buliding for it having several neon signs, all vintage and authentic at that. Getting to there from the south meant cutting through Saitama, so I knew I had enough time to make one last attempt there. Research shown two stores being near Oomiya station, so that’s where I ended up. Taito Station was immediately visible upon exit, and they have two IIDX machines specifically with 20 gram springs, which is closer to my home setup and that much lighter than standard 50 gram springs. The final hour drew near and I made one last visit to that city’s Round One. Unlike nearly every other place I went to so far, it only had one IIDX machine. However, and maybe because of that, their goods listing didn’t show everything as out. One painful language exchange later, I was able to discern that what I wanted was available. When you spend more than 3000 yen in a single credit, the game wants to verify if you really want to proceed. It does it again at 6000 and 9000. Yes, I really do. But, having made that money dump I was able to get my hands on the e-amuse card and poster with fifteen minutes left before the deadline. Mission complete. By this point in the day it was exceedingly difficult to even look at the screen so I was ready to come home, but not before getting some goods at the Oomiya Book Off and redeeming what I could for points at Round One Ikebukuro. By the end of the day the only thing that I could tolerate doing was to buy some chicken and nigiri from the nearby train station. Good enough. At that point in the day my body felt like it wants to rock back and forth after all the train riding done today. But, it ended up being worthwhile after all.
One nostalgic feeling I had the most strongly in the day was at the Utsunomiya location where the smell of it triggered past buried memories of yesteryear. I think I want to attribute it to the stronger second hand cigarette smell but I’m not sure - all the same I felt its presence strongly there. Also, I don’t see Oomiya (or really Saitama itself) mentioned as a fun place to go, but it might serve as an acceptable alternative to Ikebukuro, only not as massive in scale of human quantity. Depending on how the trip goes in total I may end up back there for IIDX playing, at least if I don’t find any other place that has 20G springs.
Day 3 - Akihabara
With the travels out of the way, it was time to keep things more regionalized and stick to one area, and there is shopping that needs to be done, so it was off to Akihabara and to see how much of other posted tales hold true. The answer is that it is a lot of it. Kotobukiya can stand to open sooner than noon. Super Potato is indeed priced for a market which wants to snap up anything cheap - I at least found Xi for under 500 and felt that it would have been a bit silly to buy only that, but it didn’t make spending 2000 on one single issue of Arcadia any better. I had no idea that Hey Arcade was right next to both of them; while it was assuredly nice to be there and see the row of Cave shooters among everything else, something got messed up with my registration of my new eamuse card with everything else, so that quickly added to my stress. Having to carry around a few hundred dollars worth of crap with every step didn’t help matters. At least I was able to help a person recover their lost phone by applying a bit of logic to the situation and deducing it to belong to the only person there who looked French, as it was on the Lock Screen. They were relieved, yes. Then, rain came, and it was more than I was anticipating, and I left the umbrella at the room, particularly since I knew I’d be shopping this day. It also turns out to have not mattered much, because I went to visit Bic Camera so that I could get myself a hair trimmer while here, and that turned into me finding a bunch of Kit Kats available, so that meant a second bag. The wind kicked out the rain and my umbrella. In trying to get as many gifts secured as possible, I found some gachapon, but it needed 100Y coins, and I didn’t need paper money in the trip yet. After fighting with maps, I found an ATM to get cash, and got the gachapon. I came home late with feeling rather crushed about the day in that I couldn’t take pictures very well with having to juggle weather and bagging considerations. There were some nice parts of the experience to be sure but between that and more gawking at Super Potato pricing ($135 for PS3 Caladrius? $6000 for Pulstar?) and seeing similar markups on other goods, I don’t think it’s unfair to say that there is a reputation that this area carries and the pricing is there to go with it.
Day 4 - Laundry Day. Shibuya, Harajuku, Shinjuku
I was so drained at the end of Day 3 that I fell asleep on the bed immediately after ending the night call, which meant that I woke up at 0200AM to a room that was fully lit. This meant that I needed to look up how to resolve my eamuse problem or else I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. I did both. Awake at 0800AM meant that I had time to do laundry while I figured out what to do with the rest of the day. This meant that I was able to get more of Sugamo in pictures, and it was nice to be able to walk among the actual residences, and do other things like come across a school as it was actually in session. With them being close by and all in succession, I figured to get Shibuya, Harajuku, and Shinjuku visited. It turns out to have been a good day for it, as the temperature was perfectly cool and no rain came, and the sun came out only for a little bit. Shibuya somehow doesn’t seem quite as large in scope in person but the crowds were definitely there, and it is much more hilly than I anticipated as well. After wandering around and not seeing any arcade for a bit, I came across a series of coffee and cookie shops and remained strong to not indulge. It was there while looking at a Disney store (which gets tourists to take pictures of it for some reason) that the song Alone Again came on through the nearby public speakers. What timing. It drove me to finally get a treat for myself, and the frozen latte (black sesame and houji) and croissant (dark chocolate filing) were certainly good, it ended up costing more than the dinner I’d have later this day. I found a seclusion with a garbage can to eat the food and not carry the trash around, then an arcade soon after, and it was time to determine if I could fix the problem. Just like an easy click, it was. New to trash. Old to new. Done. Why did it have to be this way. Harajuku came next, and the environment there was distinct. This one in particular felt like it was an extended carnival atmosphere with the single tight knit market street and emphasis on fashion. A conversation with a freelance artist in the subway actually went well enough that I didn’t feel dumb. The same sensation carried to Shinjuku as well, only it was more spread out. Kabuki street was interesting to see in person, and I didn’t get any unseemly vibes from the place. Maybe it’s different later at night. A return home at a reasonable time allowed me to go down Sugamo’s market street a bit; most of it was closed, but it was interesting to come across the few remaining stores that were open by 0800PM, and more so the one that wasn’t. Coming back to the hotel I found a 24 hour ramen shop with nobody inside. The chef didn’t want to speak and only pointed to the ordering kiosk when I addressed her. The food came through a slot in the obscured window. At least her thank you as I left was a bit more warm, and the food was certainly delicious. To match with the matcha dessert that I bought from Sugamo station, I swung by a 7Eleven to get a drink, and found a milk tea for cheaper than a vending machine. The overhead music in the store was an instrumental version of Alone Again.
Day 5. Ibaraki - Mount Tsukuba, Miraidaira. Kashiwa, Chiba. Akihabara 2.
Awake at 0500AM on my own and knowing the current forecast meant that my envisioned plan for the day was quickly realized. Reaching the Tsukuba Express starting point from Akihabara needs you to get very far down into the ground before getting out into sunlight. I was on the ride early enough to see schoolchildren going about their commute, some of them being no older than ten and going about it unaccompanied. The people of Tsukuba seemed to be particularly helpful and cheerful that day, even despite my Suica issues at the gate. I didn’t ask his name at the counter but the man at the service desk was eager to speak with me about my career and what I was doing there. One asked where I was from on the way up to the summit and another caught my cable car ticket on the way down. There had to have been a few of them who saw my doing this climb in my business attire and thinking me to be a complete idiot if not outright mocking them for doing it that way while they employed the use of dual walking sticks and the like. I know I read some reports of the home stretch being difficult, but it did get pretty close to being an actual rock climb instead of a trail hike for that part of it. A quick stop to Miraidaira on the way back to get the Ibaraki play. The way the town center greets you upon leaving the rail gate struck me as incredible, as well as for how quiet it was. It was like walking onto a movie set. I did find the sweet shop after the play, and that was another painful interaction yet again. Oh well. Two quick stops down Tsukuba Express and one across from Tobu Urban Park line was enough to have a toe in Chiba, and I didn’t even need to leave the physical building of the train station to get to the basement level to find a machine for a play. Thank you, Kashiwa, you were great. Gunma is all that’s left. The descent from Tsukuba did take some earnest exertion, and after doing that the two stops, that put me back in Akihabara about when I anticipated; what I failed to anticipate is how much that place seems to drain on me. I think I just need to eat at an actual dinner time. Once I got back to Sugamo and had food it was a bit better, but while in Akihabara and being around that environment, and not finding things on a shopping list, I found myself just standing still and watching life pass me by. I hemmed and hawed a while for a maid girl’s hour of service for chitchat, but eventually I talked myself out of it because I just didn’t want potential trouble, just like her name. Komaru. I thought about doing this once just to say that I did, but I ultimately decided against it. You cannot go to this place with the expectation that you will find anything unless it is advertised and new. If you are looking for anything used, don’t count on it being there. You also cannot go there without having a strong resolve to not engage with the touts, because it becomes disheartening to see them do their job and blankly stare at the world when they're forced to stand out there and do nothing. Back to Sugamo to find a place that advertised Wagyu but the price they wanted was more than I wanted to spend. The ramen and seaweed & rice servings were fine, but they advertised endless drink and I didn’t receive that. All for $20? No, son. I did better than that elsewhere, I’ll know better now. Long day.
Day 6 - Tokyo Flea Market, Nakano Broadway, Ueno.
The weather couldn’t have been better for this weekend. I’ve read reports that the flea market held near the horse race track will be arbitrarily cancelled regardless of what is reported on the website, but my gut instinct told me that it would occur today, and it did. Turns out that a flea market is a flea market which is a flea market, no matter where it happens. Same allotment of clothes and stuff that few people really want to buy, although I was able to find myself some neckties at least. I probably overpaid based on what I saw later in the route, but that’s fine. They look nice. I settled on some shot glasses for a gift as well, but I’m surprised that I can’t ind something ornate that isn’t part of a sake set. Seated in the shade with a chocolate churro while rap music played in the background - it’s like I never left home. A woman came to sit across from me for the sake of sitting down; she was from Holland and today’s her last day in the country. Her husband came with food eventually. She had three weeks here and went to several places (allegedly, she didn’t list them out) and I asked her about Nakano Broadway. She didn’t make it there. It’s a good thing that I did - this is probably the kind of environment and market that people expect of Akihabara now, and maybe that’s how Aki was years ago, but it’s different from this. What’s more interesting is that Mandarake has a larger presence here than in Akihabara (so it seems to me), and their stores had floor after floor of any and every kind of pop culture product that’s been made in the past sixty years at least. Buttress that with extensive watch and jewelry stores and a slender arcade in the basement, and it’s a very well centralized microcosm of the country’s economy on the whole. I actually made a point to have dinner earlier than usual this time and found a place to serve some deep fried pork cuts served with rice and soup on the side. It was enough, and very well made. The day had not ended and my bag was heavy with several books purchased there, so I reported back to base briefly and decided to try visiting somewhere else, and settled on Ueno. Just as I arrived, a festival was underway where local teams of people made an elaborate show of carrying a home made shrine to a temple. Streets were officially blocked by police to allow the procession. In following the line I came up against makeshift food and amusement stands with the traditional toy gun shooting and goldfish catching. It appears that this is an official “start of summer” festival and I was able to watch it all happen in front of me. That was the good part of the day.
Day 7 - Tachikawa / Kunitachi. Shinjuku 2.
One of the games that I've never played is Beatmania III The Final. I've played some BM3 7th Mix years ago, but not The Final. I found a location that has one - World Game Circus in Tachikawa. In looking around that area before the trip, I saw that there was a nearby shinkansen museum, and not much else, so I figured that going to both places would make that walk worthwhile. Turns out that it wasn’t a museum in the proper sense of a dedicated building. Rather, it was a bullet train engine car on the side of a building that was unrelated, and that was it. A cute interaction happened here - when I approached the car, I heard some children running around inside, so I approached cautiously without knowing if I was encroaching upon someone else's alloted time or something. Once the children saw me, they gave a hearty irrashaimase as I entered, and the boy stamped a paper and presented it to me. Perfect. Despite it not being a typical musem, the card did have some interesting content, and it's good to see some kind of commemoration for their achievements and progression in that industry regardless. They have a lot to be proud about there. Off to WGC. Maps wasn’t lying about the walk taking twenty minutes. It's a good thing that I looked it up on streetview beforehand, because I otherwise would have walked right past it without knowing it was there. Then there it was, and there I confronted a past that I couldn’t visit again. Sure, I got to play BM3 The Final at last, but my timing was off, my hands were off, there wasn’t much I could do. Along with that I can say that I’ve played on a Beatmania II cabinet, and that was better than 5th Style at least. But that was it, that was all I could stand to do. It was right there and I couldn’t bear to put up with it more than a few rounds at best. Dream big, because only disappointment follows if your smaller dreams ever are fulfilled. I don’t know why finding IKEA back in Shinjuku was so difficult, but it took a while. I bought a bag, and then I bought a bag because the other bag was at the end of the register, which makes sense. I did feed myself before getting back to the Taito station to play some songs, but it still wasn’t good enough. All thumbs. Ended the day with laundry since the timing worked. Speaking of making dreams big, it’s time to cross another one off the list tomorrow. I can’t wait.
Day 8 - Takasaki, Gunma. Oomiya, Saitama 2.
It’s a good thing that I only needed to get to Ikebukuro to transfer over to the next stop, because that’s where that particular run ended for some reason. I wonder what was up. Speaking of things getting messed up on trains, I managed to find my way on a train that needed a separate ticket, which I didn't have. The conductor found me right away and had me disembark at Uraja for me to wait for the proper transfer. The weather forecast said there’d be rain, and the travel forecast said it would take two hours to get there, and neither lied. I feel like I had more people staring at me in Gunma than other places. I will say that I found the Takasaki station area to be rather charming, with the stores that it had inside and the emphasis on the music culture there. It’s one thing to offer a piano to the public to play, but it’s another to have a public willing to use it. This location had both. Having what was essentially a Bic Camera built into the facility was a nice touch too. The Leisure Land arcade was sandwiched between other floors that had its own offering of gaming stuff, so that was an unexpected bit of a fun thing to look through. The area was clean and sparsely populated, and it wasn’t picked clean of all matter of things that would normally get snapped up, so that was interesting. Finally, I made it over to the machine. They had separate fans for each location. I got the songs and then the medals came, and that’s that. Kantou Seiou. I would have stayed a bit longer but I wanted to have the medals show up right away, and my internet wasn’t cooperating, so that’s all I could do. I think there was an Internet cafe that I could have used in the facility, but I didn’t want to deal with an awkward conversation. I did get some Lawson on the way out, as well as some trinkets from the local Gunma-chan store as well as some mini croissants and some macademia cookie things. More vocal awkwardness. Omiya was one of the stops on the way back, and I found a place to serve omrice, so that’s another one off the list. No shoes allowed inside. The value wasn’t there but the service was good enough, as was the flavor. The machines with the 20G springs are indeed legit. Back home in time for some McDonalds, and that’s another food-checklist item marked off. Takoyaki mayo dipping sauce - somehow it’s both salty and sweet. While returning to the hotel, I did happen to encounter an argument amongst two teenaged locals where the guy ended up half-heartedly kicking the girl and getting her to cry. I wonder what their argument was about. I didn’t play hero, but someone else did so enough to prevent an escalation and called the police over.
Day 9 - Sugamo, Tokyo Sky Tree, Akihabara 3, Kanda
Up early enough to decide that I should at least visit the Sky Tree while I'm there just to say that I did, and that I should visit the Sugamo street market upon its open since it was right there in front of me. I'm glad to have done so. With everything open, this felt more like what one would think to expect from a flea market environment that's operated and supported by the local populace. Small stores were open both sides of the street that go on for many blocks, and some tents and tables were set up to sell second hand goods as well. I was able to find someone selling a US Morgan dollar and he wanted only 2000Y for it, so that was an easy buy. If I would have known better to anticipate this area, I wouldn't have felt compelled to buy kitchy tourist crap that is expected as gifts elsewhere. If you are looking for a place to idly shop around that doesn't get extremely crowded and has an authentic local feel to it, consider making a point to come here. Off to Sky Tree. Getting the combo ticket for the second deck was worth it just for the lack of crowds on the upper area. If you're going to come here, consider getting a phone selfie stick or something of the kind so that you can take pictures against the windows without the structure scaffolding obstructing your view. On the subject of shopping again, this might be another area to consider visiting just for the sake of the specialty stores to be found here, such as those for chopsticks or hairpins. To close out the day, my wife reminded me to look for something from the Square Enix cafe, so that meant swinging by Akihabara yet again. Since it is within a walkway, it was a bit of a pain to find this place even with using maps, but I eventually found it and got what she wanted to find. Played some IIDX at Game Panic, which was surprisingly small and the one machine that was avaialble to play had some 2P turntable issues, so that didn't last all that long. Dinner was at a nearby place that specalized in tofu, so that was a good ramen serving with that infused. For the evening, I wandered south to Kanda to get night pictures, and found it to feel pretty similar to Ueno.
Day 10 - Ginza, Tokyo, Kanda & Akihabara 4
Launrdry in the morning. I also wanted to say that I went to Ginza in my time here, and I didn't research anywhere to go to keep it a surprise. It was a bit warmer and sunnier than usual that day, and I stuck to the main road for most of the walk, so I can't say that I found too many points of the interest along the path that I walked starting from Yurakucho station and heading out that way. High class store for high class people, and that's too rich for my peasant blood. Similarly for Tokyo proper itself, I suppose I'd have to needed to wander far away from the Yamanote vicinity to find points of interest there, as I didn't encounter anything that was remarkably distinctive here in comparison to other areas that I have previously seen. Continuing north across Nihonbashi brought me to Kanda and eventually to Akihabara yet again, as if it was a magnet that pulled me inside every time. For the sake of trying a different place I chose to play some IIDX at the Leisure Land arcade there, and I'm glad to have done that, as those machines were probably in the best coniditon that I encountered within that area. Dinner was at Tenkaippin, which I didn't realize until after I placed the order was cash only. The clerk didn't request it beforehand but I voluntarily left my passport there to show that I would return, and promptly went to the same ATM that I had found days prior in order to get the cash to pay for the bill.
Day 11 - Haneda T3, Nishi Nippori, Nippori, Uguisuidani, Otsuka, Shibuya, Shinjuku, Ikebukruo, home.
The end. I resolved to take the subway over to Haneda today to get the one luggage over there and stored, and it’s a good thing that I did - there’s no easy solution for getting over there without encountering a crowd. If anything I wonder if Yamanote is actually better. Regardless, I got that much done. With the day left to go, I ventured to Nishi Nippori and I needed to summon the map several times to make sure I found the location, as it was as obscure as it could get. Just a sign on the ground for the third floor, a stairway that led to the back, an elevator that had no decoration, a single room that housed everything. Arcade PCB kits on shelves, joystick panels in exposed boxes, nicotine odor from years past - it was like I was transported to 1995 upon entry, beyond the fact that the games weren’t as old. Most of them, they did have a lot going for SF3 3rd yet. I was able to take care of some game business in a hurry since I was the only one there. It was a very pleasant respite for play in comparison to most of the other sessions. The region itself felt much the same as this arcade - old and well worn, as in well lived. Venturing south to Nippori led me to stumble upon a shrine and cemetery just by following some stairs. Usuigudani was cleaner but mostly had hotels as points of interest. Back home to buy some mochi while mochi was for sale in midday. Then to Otsuka, thinking that I would wander to Ikebukuro, but I ended up wandering back to Sugamo instead. Whoops. Meal at Sugamo, then back out to return to Shibuya and Shinjuku at night to catch evening shots, when I hadn’t done so before at these places. Good thing I did that to get Golden Gai area shots at night. With the night winding down, I decided to have one last IIDX play at Round 1 in Ikebukuro to symbolically end where I started.
Ending arcade comments
· Although the upkeep is generally better and more consistent than the US, some machines will have hardware issues here too. I was surprised by the blurriness with some of the LM IIDX machines.
· Densha De Go on the propert large cabinet is nice but quickly becomes very expensive.
· Bombergirl is OK enough and having the dedicated detonator button that pops up for hitting the base is a cute touch.
· Chase Chase Jokers feels rather clunky and I'm not sure what the game is trying to do. Interesting side screen concept at least.
· Nostalgia is delightful and would probably find a small fanbase worldwide if it had more exposure.
· Favorite IIDX locations are Taito Station in Oomiya for the light keys and Leisure Land Akihabara for the high quality of the LMs there. Honorable mention goes to the Game Versus loctation in Nishi Nihonbashi, but that might not be worth it for a dedicated trip unless you go there first thing in the morning.
Ending overall comments
This was a life altering trip for me, as would be expected. While I'm glad to have made the journey, as to be expected, I will only want to return after making an extensive redoubled effort into speaking and hearing comprehension, because I know that I came across like a blubbering idiot so many times, and it's truly aggravating because I generally know what I want to say and most of the words that are used to say it, but it just doesn't come out of my mouth properly when it needs to be done.
I welcome any questions you may have, as that will help for me to recall the memories and have me write them down.

I have told this before and I figured I would share it again.
Years ago, before the Virus that shall not be named took over, I use to work as a taxi driver in my county (Non-US.) and occasionally, I would get hired by individuals to do jobs like runs to the airport, drop their kids to school, ect. It was like running a smally business really and I had regulars who would hire me.
Well one regular who I will call "Karen" hired me to drop her and her kids to the next town over. We set a time and I eventually went to her place to pick her up. I parked on the side of the street and waited... And waited .. and waited... And she was still in her house doing what ever. I called you fine out if she was ready, but all she would say was "Just now, Im coming now". So I wait some more.
Like an hour later she finally comes out with her kids and they we finally head off. It was at this point her baby starts crying but I shrug it off cause it seems she is trying calm the kid down but it become very distracting when they are seated right behind you and you are driving. Well anyway the route takes us through some hills and it at this point it's started to rain and I mean SERIOUS rain. As in "Complete white out, it's gonna flood" sort of rain. So as you can guess I had to take my time on his road that has numerous blind corners and sharp bends. All the while water is starting to come down the hill and cause a small flood and yes, it can flood on a hill.
Yet for some reason, Karen though I was being a coward for not wanting to cause an accident on a route I am not too familiar with. I just ignore her and eventually we reach the down and I am ready to head down the main road towards the taxi stand. But then Karen starts to give me directions to where she was going and that is when I realized something.
I saw a street sign that said "Saint B" and then I realized this woman has taken me in to one of the most dangerous parts of town. This is a place most taxis avoid cause drivers have been robbed or worse in the past that this woman has taken me right into it. But eventually we reach and I told her the fare.
But it was at that point Karen blew up on me, saying it was too much and she would only give me half of what I deserve and I would get the other half when I came back for her AFTER DARK.... In one of the worst parts of town and there was no way in hell I was gonna do that. I drive a Nissan Wingroad, a popular car that gets stolen alot and no way was I gonna let that happen. And after all the crap I had to put up with, I was not gonna bend over backwards for this woman again. So I take her money and "agree" to come back.
Later that night, she does call and... I don't answer the phone. I fact, I let it ring for a bit before I finally block her number. But I was not done. The next day, I warn the other drives about what she did, effectively black listing her from our route. But just when I thought I was done with her, miss Karen calls me from another phone and has the gaul to hire me again (!)
I just tell her to find someone else and hang up before blocking her again and I haven't heard from her since. As for me, I no longer work taxi, though I still do the odd job from time to time and on a happy note, I ended up getting another client who would hire me regularly and pay very well for my services.
I not saying I proud of abandoning Karen with her kids in a bad part of town, but I have never lost sleep over it either. Never short pay your taxi drivers, people. Cause we will leave you behind.

Kokichi and Himiko hurried over to Himiko's secret magic room. Once there, Himiko threw open the pages of "Inside the Magical Mind" over to the "Build the Perfect Dream" chapter. She flipped through the pages until she found what she was looking for.
"A-ha!" she squeaked with excitement, placing her finger on the horror section. Kokichi grinned at her.
"Nee-heehee...I know we're supposed to be serious, and all, but that 'a-ha!' was super cute, Monkey Buns!" Kokichi said, giving Himiko a squeeze.
"Nyeh...that's because I'm super cute...thank you very much," Himiko said, sassily flipping her hair.
"Yes, you are," Kokichi murmured in a low, flirty voice, leaning his head against Himiko's. "I wuv my cute, wittle Monkey Buns." He gave Himiko a few soft kisses on her lips. Himiko giggled in delight.
"Okay, okay, it's back to being serious," she said suddenly, clapping her hands with a purpose.
"Yup, yup! It's go time!" Kokichi said, nodding enthusiastically. Himiko studied the horror section of the book:
~HORROR:~
Want a more terrifying experience in your dreams? No? Would you like to give your enemies nightmares, then? If that's the case, try filling up your enemy's mind with the most horrific thing they could ever imagine! Or, use a more lighthearted, yet creepy, potion to prank a friend! That works, too! Take them on a night filled with monsterific fright!
Himiko skimmed the first two potions, "Thriller Night dream," and the "Goosebumps dream." She stopped straight at the "Nightmare Fuel dream."
"Nyeh...this is the one that we need," she said, grinning deviously. Kokichi grinned along with her.
"Oooo...I love when my Supreme Lady gets all mischievous," he said with a ghoulish giggle as he kissed her cheek. Himiko giggled with him, as well, before reading on:
Nightmare Fuel dream: Want your enemies to experience the ultimate nightmare? Then, the Nightmare Fuel dream is the perfect one for you...or should I say, your enemy. Huhuhu! Give them them a night full of what they fear the most, whether it's a bunch of wriggly spiders, or a terrifying ghost!
Kokichi and Himiko grinned at each other impishly.
"Perfect!" they murmured in unison, and giggled deviously as Himiko poured in the ingredients. As she stirred the potion, eerie wisps of green and purple mist emanated from the cauldron. Himiko waved her hands mysteriously over her cauldron to part the mists away. Kokichi was mesmerized by her movements. Her face glowed bright in beautiful shades of shimmering green and purple. Kokichi felt his heart beat faster. If they weren't making cookies, this could be the perfect romantic setting. He couldn't resist her mischievous grin as she continued to pour and mix the ingredients. He felt as if he were falling in love all over again. Himiko looked up at him, catching him staring. She batted her eyelashes seductively at him, beckoning him closer. Finding her alluring and completely irresistible, Kokichi moved closer to her. He placed his hands on her waist and pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss. He then wrapped his arms tightly around Himiko. He couldn't resist. Heart raging against his chest, he reached up her shirt, caressing her back with his hands. His hand slowly moved up towards her bra to unhook it.
Snoozydoodle, my ass, he thought to himself. All my dreams are coming true right here! Suddenly, he moved his lips down to her neck. Himiko gasped softly and smiled. She placed her lips next to Kokichi's ear.

"Kokichi," she whispered seductively.
"Mmmm...yes...my Supreme Lady...?" Kokichi murmured in response, using his lips to move Himiko's shirt collar to gently bite Himiko's shoulder.
"The cookies, Kokichi..." Himiko reminded him in a sultry whisper. Kokichi's hands froze right as he was about to unhook her bra. He squeezed her longingly, but in the end, reluctantly released her.
"Right..." he mumbled. "Sorry..." He sighed, feeling dizzy. He had to admit that he loved the way Himiko made him feel. He shook his head to clear his mind. His breathing slowed back to a steady pace, as well as his heart. Now wasn't the time for feelings. They had to focus on the task at hand. Himiko smiled and bit her lip flirtatiously at him. He could tell she wanted him just as badly in that moment. But, she continued mixing the potion. He turned away from her, as if to block out any lustful temptations.
"Nyeh...it's finally done," Himiko said, breaking the silence. She poured the potion into a potion bottle.
"Ready to go?" Kokichi asked, trying to overcome the spell he was just under. Himiko nodded. Once they left the room, Kokichi grabbed Himiko's wrist. "Himiko...what happened back there...you didn't...do that to me, right?" Himiko smiled as she blushed bright red and shook her head.
"Nope," she replied. Kokichi nodded slowly.
"I thought so," he said. They both took deep breaths. "Pheeew! That was something, huh?" he said, scratching his head with a sheepish blush splashed onto his face.
"Nyeh...it was probably just a heat-of-the-moment type thing," Himiko said.
"Yeah, er, um...sorry about...y'know...reaching up your shirt and..." Kokichi began. Himiko looked at him with a seductive gleam in her eye and smiled naughtily as she placed her hand on his chest.
"You can do whatever you want to me..." she murmured in a low voice. "...and that's the truth." She bit her lip and winked flirtatiously at him before turning and walking away without another word. Kokichi stared after her, stunned, as she walked along the train tracks leading to the abandoned train station. Suddenly, a devilish grin crossed his face as he ran to catch up to her. He wrapped an arm around her waist and gave her a kiss on the lips before both breaking off into a run with mischievous giggling to D.I.C.E. headquarters to bake cookies for the final time.
End
"Don't go chasin' waterfalls. Listen to the rivers and the lakes that you're uuused to," Four sang, holding a broom handle like a microphone. Five paused from polishing some furniture and turned to him with a scoff.
"Ugh...dummy! Hello! It's 'Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to,'" she corrected.
"Well...whatever," Four grumbled. "I don't like that dumb song anyway."
"Hahaha...why, cuz you got the words wrong?" Six cackled.
"N-No!" Four stammered, going back to sweeping the floor. Two held the dustpan out so Four could sweep the dirt into it. "I just...think it's dumb! How can someone chase a waterfall when it doesn't even move?!"
"Pffft! I don't know, I didn't come up with the lyrics! Why don't you ask DLC?" Six answered. Five rolled her eyes.
"TLC!! " she corrected.
"Whaaaateveeeerrrrr!!" Six shouted back. Suddenly, the front doors of the headquarters burst open, and in walked Kokichi and Himiko.
"Boss! You're here!" Four said, blocking Kokichi's way. "Can I ask you something?"
"Not now, Ichiro, Himiko and I have some business in the kitchen," Kokichi replied urgently. He swerved around Four, but Four ran up to block his way again. "Ugh! What, Ichiro?!" Kokichi exclaimed testily.
"Um...is it 'Don't go chasing waterfalls, listen to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to,' or is it, 'please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to?'" Four asked timidly.
"The latter," Kokichi replied briefly, then dashed away quickly to the kitchen.
"DAMMMIIIIIT!!" Four cried, falling to his knees in defeat. Five grinned smugly at him.
"Told ya!" she said before continuing her polishing.
In the kitchen, Kokichi and Himiko got to work on the last batches of the Snoozydoodles. Kokichi preheated the oven. Himiko poured the ingredients, including some of her potion, inside, and Kokichi mixed afterwards. Right after sticking one batch into the oven, they immediately got started on a second batch. After a few hours of baking, they had finally come up with enough batches for the entire school.
"Nyeh...that was exhausting," Himiko sighed, leaning against the wall.
"Well, that was only half the battle, HimiCocoa Bean," Kokichi said, pulling her up. "We gotta get these cookies to Hope's Peak."
"Ooo! Can I have one?" Four asked, reaching for a cookie.
"No!" Kokichi said, slapping his hand away.
"Nyeh...Kokichi? How are going to carry all these cookies?" Himiko asked, gesturing to the stacks upon stacks of cookies on the counter.
"Kazuki!" Kokichi called to Eight. Eight silently walked in and saluted. "Bring the confetti cannon."
"Yes, boss," Eight replied, then hurried away. He came back a few minutes later lugging a large, black, tubular contraption with a long, black hose with ridges similar to a one on a vacuum cleaner.
"Thank you!" Kokichi replied. Eight saluted in response. "It's clear of confetti, right?"
"Yes, sir," Eight replied.
"Great!" Kokichi said. "Takehiko!" Ten now appeared in the kitchen, taking his place next to Eight.
"You rang, boss?" he asked.
"Yup! Fire up the Happycopter and wait there for us," Kokichi ordered.
"On it like a bonnet!" Ten promised and scurried off.
"Monkey Buns, help me pour the cookies into this hole right here," Kokichi said, opening up a lid on top of the cannon similar to a fuel cap on a car.
"Nyeh...got it, boss," Himiko replied with a smile. Kokichi smiled back at her and stroked her cheek affectionately. They both began pouring the cookies inside the confetti cannon. Once all the cookies were inside, Kokichi closed the lid.
"Alright, babe, we're ready to roll!" he said to Himiko. Himiko nodded firmly in response. Kokichi turned to Eight. "Kazuki, give us a hand." Eight saluted and helped Kokichi and Himiko carry the cannon up the stairs all the way to the rooftop, where Ten was waiting for them in the Happycopter. The three hoisted the cannon inside. Kokichi hopped in and helped Himiko inside.
"Where to, boss?" Ten asked.
"Drop us down on the roof of Hope's Peak," Kokichi replied.
"Caaaan do!" Ten said, then took off. He landed the Happycopter on the roof of the academy, and helped Kokichi lug the cannon out.
"Alright, Ten! We'll take it from here!" Kokichi shouted over the blades of the Happycopter. Ten answered with a salute, then flew the Happycopter back to D.I.C.E. headquarters. The final bell to Hope's Peak rang, and the students began pouring out of the front entrance far below. Kokichi pulled out a megaphone.
"He-eeeey, everyoooone!" he sang, his voice ringing loud and clear. The students looked up at him.
"Hey! It's Kokichi!" Kaito said, pointing up at the roof.
"And Himiko's with him!" Ibuki added. Himiko felt dizzy from such a great height.
"Nyeeeh...I feel woozy," she muttered. "I'm glad I'm only 4' 11." I don't think I could stand being taller than that."
"That's alright, HimiCocoa Bean, I'll do all the talking," Kokichi said. "Just get ready to flip that switch when I tell you to." Himiko went to the cannon and waited by a tiny, black lever.
"Hey, Kokichi!! Tell Himiko to give us more cookies!" Kazuichi cried.
"You guys want Snoozydoodles?" Kokichi asked through the megaphone. Everyone cheered. "I saaiiid...do you guys want Snoozydoodles?" Kokichi repeated louder, increasing suspense. Everyone cheered louder.
"Hurry up and give us the damn cookies!!" Miu screamed at the top of her lungs. Kokichi turned to Himiko.
"Flip the switch, Monkey Buns!" he said. Himiko flipped the tiny lever, activating the confetti cannon. Kokichi held up the ridged hose, and out flew dozens of cookies. The students below cheered and clamored for the cookies. Everyone grabbed a cookie and headed home. Kokichi turned to Himiko and gave her a high five.
"Well done, Himiko!" he said. "Now all we gotta do is wait!"
***
The next morning, Himiko woke up to see Tenko sitting on the edge of her bed in horror. Her eyes were wide and she was pale as if she had seen a ghost. Himiko crept slowly over to her.
"Nyeh...Tenko? Are you okay?" Himiko asked worriedly. Tenko jumped back in fear.
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" she screamed, jumping back under her blanket.
"Nyeh! T-Tenko! It's just me!" Himiko said. Tenko peeked out from under her blanket.
"H-H-Himiko...?" she stammered.
"That's right. It's just me," Himiko said. Shivering violently, Tenko crawled out from under blanket again. "Tenko, what happened?"
"H-H-Had...nightmare..." Tenko stammered. "N-N-nothing b-b-but...darkness. And...c-c-creepy singing. I couldn't move! It's like I was trapped inside a...a...cage! The next thing I know...there was a sharp p-p-pain in my neck!"
"Oh, my!" Himiko exclaimed.
"Th-Th-That's when I w-w-woke up," Tenko said, holding her blanket up to her face. Then, she slowly lowered her blanket with an apologetic expression. "Himiko...i-i-if it's okay with you...I d-don't think I want another S-Snoozyd-d-doodle..."
"Yeah! Okay!" Himiko nodded. It was exactly what she wanted! She hurried to get dressed, then headed downstairs to the dining room to see the others' faces filled with woe and misery, as if their nightmares had drained every ounce of life from their bodies.
"Nee-heehee...looks like all their hopes and dreams got shattered, huh?" Kokichi whispered, suddenly appearing next to Himiko, leaning his elbow on her shoulder. Himiko grinned and nodded.
"But, I wanna make sure they don't crave my Snoozydoodles at all, anymore," she said. She walked into the dining room. "Nyeh...anyone in the mood for more Snoozydoodles?" Everyone snapped to attention with sheer horror in their eyes.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!" Kaito wailed.
"Keep those cookies from hell away from us!!" Miu cried, tears streaming from her eyes. "There was nothing but...t-t-toilet paper everywhere!! And some buff guy I couldn't identify was running after me with one of the rolls tryin' to strangle meeee!!"
"Gonta not wanna get stabbed by bug again!!" Gonta sobbed into his hands. "Bugs betray Gontaaaaaa!!"
"I...had boiled water thrown on me..." Kiyo said, his face pale and sweaty. "Then, to add salt to the wound, Sister threw salt on my wounds." He shuddered violently.
"I was surrounded by a bunch of piranhas," Ryoma said. "And then, they started biting me. I...could actually feel the biting." Everyone was holding themselves, rocking back and forth, trying to erase their nightmares from their minds.
"Himiko...if it's alright with you...I'm done with Snoozydoodles," Tsumugi said. Himiko pretended to appear despondent.
"I understand," she said. Then, she turned to Kokichi with a huge grin. Kokichi gave her a thumbs up.
"That's my Supreme Lady," he murmured in her ear and gave her a kiss.
***
Weeks later, the time finally came for the surprise field trip. Usami ushered the students onto the buses.
"Where do you think we're going, Monkey Buns?" Kokichi asked Himiko.
"Nyeh...I'm not sure," Himiko replied.
"Tuh...wherever it is, it better not have anything to do with cookies," Miu muttered bitterly. She was hanging over their seat from behind.
"Uh...this is a private conversation between me and my Supreme Lady," Kokichi said. "So, back off, bitch!"
"Eeeeeeee!!! Okay, okaaaayyyy!!" Miu whined, shriveling back down into her seat. The buses lurched forward, and drove a few hours, passing cities like Osaka and Kobe. From Kobe, they drove through Awaji island to one of Japan's main islands, Shikoku, to Ehime prefecture. From there, they took a ferry ride to a small island.
"Heeey, you're taking us to an island?!" Kazuichi asked in annoyance. "How annoying! What's so great about a damn island?! We live on one! Japan is made of a bunch of them!"
"Don't worry! You'll like this place, I'm sure!" Usami promised.
"Oh, my! If that island is what I think it is, we shall definitely have the best time of our lives!" Sonia cried.

"What is it?" Kaede asked.
"I...do not want to tell," Sonia said. "I do not want to get my hopes up." Himiko turned to Kokichi.
"Do you know what she's talking about, Kokichi?" she whispered. Kokichi shrugged.
"Beats me," he replied. "Honestly, I think it'll be fun to find out." Finally, the ferry pulled in to dock. The students climbed off the ferry, and were startled by Sonia's cry of pure joy.
"I KNEW IT!!!" she exclaimed. The students turned to see what she was so happy about, and gasped in delight. There before them, were a bunch of cats! Cats laying around, cats pouncing on birds, cats being petted by tourists. There were cats everywhere!
"Students...welcome to Aoshima Island!" Usami announced grandly. "Feel free to pet the kitties to your heart's content!" The students rushed over to them with glee.
"Awwww...hey, there, wittle kitty-wittyyyyy...!" Kaede gushed, holding a cat up to her nose. then, she held it to Shuichi. "Wanna pet him, Shuichi?" Shuichi patted the cat politely on his head.
"Fuhahahahaaaa!! I shall set up my feline army here!" Gundham said. Many cats surrounded him. "Behold, feline warriors! It is I, your king, Gundham Ta-nyah-kaaa!!"
"Huh...I didn't think someone like you was capable of making puns," Kazuichi said.
"I thought it was a wonderful pun!" Sonia said.
"Pretty cute, huh, Himiko?" Kokichi asked, holding up a black and white cat. Himiko held up a cat with ginger fur.
"Nyeh...this one, too!" she said with a nod.

"Heeeey...these two look like they'd make a great couple!" Kokichi said. They held their cats together. One black and white, and the other, with its fiery red-orange fur.
"I couldn't agree more, Kokichi," Himiko replied, batting her eyelashes at him. The black and white cat's green eyes twinkled with mischief, while the ginger cat just hung there lazily in Himiko's arms. The black and white cat playfully swiped at the ginger cat. The ginger cat made an annoyed noise and pawed at the black and white one. The black and white cat nuzzled its head against the ginger's, and the ginger cat seemed to smile. Kokichi and Himiko giggled and set the cats down. The black and white cat nudged the ginger. He ran a few feet ahead, then stopped, waiting for the ginger to follow. The ginger stood up and trotted after the black and white. The black and white hopped up and down excitedly and broke off into a run. Kokichi wrapped his arm around Himiko's waist as they watched the the ginger catching up to the black and white, running alongside each other off to another adventure, no doubt.

This post contains spoilers from CS1-Reverie, including Reverie’s post-game content.
Disclaimer: The analysis portion of the Background section contains discussion of mental illness. I am not an expert in mental health, or any health field for that matter. I’m just a guy applying his own perception, lived experiences, and surface-level knowledge to interpreting Rean’s arc. I probably don’t even need to be making this disclaimer, but I felt like it.
Last year, I made this post asking how the members of this sub felt about Cold Steel’s protagonist: the one and only Rean Schwarzer. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of engagement it got, as well as the diversity of opinion expressed in the comments. There were those who loved him, those who were neutral on him, and a few who just couldn’t stand him. At the time, I had just finished CS2, so there was a ton about Rean I wasn’t privy to. However, now that I’ve played Reverie and am fully caught up with the first half of the series, I have a much fuller picture of him. Since so many of you were kind enough to offer up your takes on Rean back then, I figured I’d express my own thoughts on him in the form of a proper analysis. Without further ado, let’s begin!

Background

Rean Schwarzer (born Rean Osborne) is the main protagonist of Trails of Cold Steel I, II, III, and IV, as well as one of the three main protagonists of Trails into Reverie. He was born in S.1187 to Erebonian commoners Brigadier General Giliath and Kasia Osborne. Rean’s father was a brilliant leader and strategist, but his commoner status made him an enemy of the military’s nobles. This led to Giliath’s home being attacked by jaegers when Rean was five, resulting in Kasia’s death and Rean’s heart being punctured by shrapnel. In a desperate bid to save his son’s life, Giliath made a deal with Ishmelga, the Ebon Knight, to become its Awakener and used its power to transplant his own heart into Rean’s body. Due to his deal with Ishmelga, Giliath was forced to give up custody of Rean, entrusting him to the care of Baron Teo Schwarzer. As a result, “Rean Osborne,” the son of a commoner military officer, became “Rean Schwarzer,” the adopted son of a minor noble family.
Although Rean’s new family was loving and supportive, his new life was not without struggle. The boy’s sudden, mysterious appearance in the Schwarzer household made the family - particularly Teo - the subject of gossip and controversy among other nobles. Some believed Rean was Teo’s illegitimate child, while others openly lambasted Teo for his willingness to potentially allow a commoner into the nobility’s ranks. Teo essentially became an outcast among his noble peers, his family’s name tarnished by rumor. Rean, for his part, came to believe he was at fault for this situation, and the subsequent guilt would plague him for many years.
Rean’s self-worth was further challenged by another, more personal problem that arose during his childhood. At age nine, Rean watched an unknown monster attack his younger sister, Elise, and the stress caused an innate “ogre power” within him to manifest. Rean fell into a blind rage, savagely killing the monster. When he returned to his senses, Rean was traumatized by the scene he had left behind, and by the discovery of this new, violent side of him he could not control.
Two years later, Rean became an apprentice of the legendary swordsman Yun Ka-fai, founder of the Eight Leaves One Blade school, hoping to learn how to control his ogre powers. Despite showing great promise as a swordsman, Rean was unable to develop control over his ogre power, and Yun was eventually forced to cut short Rean’s training for unrelated reasons. Although the beginner-rank Rean continued to train on his own, the damage to his psyche was too deep-seated for him to fix alone. He believed he was nothing but a burden and a monster, undeserving of love or happiness. This guilt and self-loathing spurred him to always put others’ needs and well-being above his own, believing himself less important than anyone else. This self-sacrificial behavior became a recurring problem for Rean over the course of his adolescence and early adulthood.
In S.1204, at age 17, Rean enrolled at the prestigious Thors Military Academy in eastern Erebonia. He, along with eight others, became part of Class VII, Thors’s first socially integrated graduating class. Although he still struggled with low self-worth, Rean thrived in this new environment, quickly befriending his classmates and discovering his natural-born ability as a leader. By this time, Rean’s real father, Giliath Osborne, had become Chancellor of Erebonia and was being targeted for death by the Imperial Liberation Front - an anti-Osborne terrorist group. The ILF was a recurring presence in Class VII’s lives during their first school year, and the two groups clashed frequently. At the end of the year, Rean’s life took a dramatic turn when he unexpectedly became the Awakener for the Divine Knight Valimar before watching the ILF - led by his friend Crow Armbrust - seemingly assassinate Osborne and spark a nationwide civil war. Thors came under siege by Crow shortly thereafter, and in the chaos, Rean was forcibly separated from his classmates.
One month later, Rean awoke in the Eisengard Mountain Range outside his adopted hometown, Ymir. Now armed with Valimar’s power, Rean rendezvoused with his family and set out to reunite Class VII. Although he succeeded, Rean was later captured by the Noble Alliance and was held captive alongside Erebonian princess Alfin Reise Arnor. With Alfin’s encouragement, Rean freed the two of them using his ogre powers and rejoined Class VII onboard the imperial family’s airship Courageous. Thanks to Alfin and his bond with his classmates, Rean learned to stop fearing his ogre powers and started opening up more to those closest to him. Using the Courageous, Class VII successfully led a mission to retake Thors before ultimately confronting the Noble Alliance’s leader, Duke Cayenne, and stopping his plan to use the Infernal Castle to win the war. At the same time, new drama entered Rean’s life: Shortly after stopping Duke Cayenne’s plan, Crow unexpectedly died and Osborne was revealed to still be alive - and Rean’s real father. Rean, for his part, was formally recognized by the imperial government for his role in ending the war and became a national hero. This was, however, merely a ploy to pressure Rean into obeying Osborne’s wishes, and it succeeded, as Rean subsequently became an operative in Erebonia’s conquest of Crossbell. It was during this time that he became acquainted with Crossbell Special Support Section leader Lloyd Bannings.After Crossbell’s annexation, Rean fought in the Northern War, which resulted in Erebonia annexing North Ambria. He partook in the siege of Haliask, where he fought archaisms using Valimar. During this stretch of the war, Rean lost control of his ogre powers and was rendered unconscious for three days. As a result, he once again lost faith in his ability to control himself, and swore off the use of his ogre power.
In April S.1206, roughly 1.5 years after the civil war’s end, Rean started a job as instructor of a “new Class VII” at Thors’s new branch campus in western Erebonia. At the branch campus, Rean bonded with his students and fellow faculty while also taking on assignments from the imperial government. It was also during this time that Osborne’s plan to trigger the Great Twilight started unfolding, causing Rean, his students, and his comrades to regularly butt heads with jaegers, Ouroboros, and powerful cryptids. Ultimately, however, Osborne outmaneuvered all attempts by Rean, Olivert, and others to stop him; the Courageous was destroyed by a bomb with Olivert still onboard, Rean’s forces were spread thin through various battles, and Rean himself was forced to watch as Millium Orion was killed and turned into a Sword of the End. Finally at his wit’s end, Rean suffered a mental breakdown and was consumed by his ogre powers, causing him to violently trigger the Great Twilight himself before being taken captive by Osborne and Ishmelga.
After a short period of captivity, Rean was freed by Class VII and their allies. He, along with the SSS and the Liberl Bracer Guild, declined to become part of Musse Egret’s Operation Mille Mirage, instead choosing to oppose Osborne their own way. Rean, as Valimar’s Awakener, decided to partake in the Rivalries to reform the Great One, in hopes of defeating Ishmelga’s curse. He gradually defeated and absorbed power from the other Awakeners until, finally, during Operation Jormungandr, he defeated Osborne and Ishmelga, becoming the pilot of a corrupted Great One. It is at this time when two different futures unfolded: In one, Rean flew the Great One beyond Zemuria’s atmosphere to remove Ishmelga from the continent. In the other, Rean used the power of the Holy Beast of Earth to give Ishmelga’s curse a corporeal form, allowing him and his friends to destroy it. It was this latter future that became Zemuria’s reality, while the former remained hypothetical and unrealized.
Many months after Ishmelga’s defeat, in S.1207, Rean became involved in the incident involving Crossbell and Elysium. While combating enemy forces in the Nord Highlands, Rean started undergoing assimilation with Ishmelga-Rean, an alternate version of himself created by Elysium based on the unrealized timeline from when Ishmelga was first beaten. Later, during the final confrontation with Ishmelga-Rean, the real Rean saw visions of his other self’s sacrifice and finally grasped the devastating effects his past martyr-like behavior had on those he loved. He vowed to make a change before eliminating Ishmelga-Rean, stopping the assimilation.
Sometime after the clash with Elysium, Rean visited Longlai in eastern Calvard with his family, secretly hoping to track down Yun while there. Instead, he encountered members of the Ikaruga jaeger corps, who informed him that Yun was not in Longlai before departing. Rean has since contented himself with his current life as a Thors instructor, sensing that the next incident to befall Zemuria will involve not him, but an entirely different group of heroes.
Analysis: From even a cursory glance at Rean’s story, it is clear he endured much distress and trauma at a young age, and in my view, the result was deep-seated mental illness - namely depression. I am not a psychologist, but I would wager that the violent manner in which his five year-old self lost his home, his mother, and, almost, his own life, was horrific enough for his mind to block all memory of that period as a defense mechanism. This would help explain how Rean did not remember his real parentage until his encounter with Osborne in CS2 jogged his memory. Further stressing Rean were the controversies surrounding his adoption, which were not at all his fault but still interpreted as such by him, and the sudden, gory manner in which he learned of his ogre power. With such a potent combination of stressors burdening his young mind, it is no surprise to me that it took Rean such a long time to overcome his feelings of guilt and worthlessness. He was saddled with depression during the most formative period of his life, and like any mental illness, depression cannot be overcome with just one or two instances of positive reinforcement. It is often something people have to live with for many years, with periods of relative difficulty and relative ease. Looking at it this way, it makes sense for Rean’s arc to have taken as long as it did.
Side note: Obviously, Rean’s story is not the most realistic depiction of depression in fiction, but the manner in which it unfolds and is presented is still enough for me to take it seriously as a journey of struggling with mental health. When Rean receives support or encouragement from his friends and family, it helps in the short-term, but does little to erode the larger problem because that simply isn’t enough. Further, Rean’s progress is not linear, but is marked with occasional setbacks: In CS2, he finally learns to stop fearing his ogre power, but in CS3, we see that he is still vulnerable to losing control of it, and he does so during the Northern War and in the finale of that game. He receives a pendant (“meds?”) and training (“therapy?”) to control said power in CS3, but he still struggles with it. In CS4’s “bad” ending, even after everything he has gone through, Rean falls back into his old habits of self-sacrifice, because that’s how “baked-in” his problems are; he doesn’t even see the issue because he’s lived that way for so long. It is CS3’s finale that is the most striking part of Rean’s journey to me: In my eyes, it is the same as Rean having a mental breakdown, too overcome by his own emotional turmoil to control himself. He becomes consumed by his own demons, literally and figuratively, and it takes the collective effort of his loved ones in CS4 to bring him back to stability.
It is also fitting that Rean’s big turning point - the moment in Reverie where he sees the pain his martyr-esque behavior causes others - is as dramatic as the instances that facilitated Rean’s internal struggle to begin with. What I particularly appreciate about this chunk of Rean’s arc is that it is presented as Rean finally realizing the change he needs to make, rather than him being instantly cured of his ailments. It is simply him resolving to change his outlook on himself and his relationships, and that feels more grounded to me than any alternative route the writers could have taken.

Personality

Rean is a kind, courageous, selfless individual who greatly cares about those around him. Despite his own low self-esteem, he is a gifted speaker and possesses the spirit of a natural-born leader. It is this charisma that quickly made him the de facto leader of Class VII, as he often served as an intermediary for the interpersonal clashes between his other classmates (see: Machias/Jusis and Fie/Laura). He often goes out of his way to help his peers solve problems or make their lives easier. This behavior is propelled by his own feelings of worthlessness, which causes his generosity to often escalate to self-sacrificial activity. On the occasions when Rean is unable to help someone, he often feels guilty, even if the problem at hand was not his fault or was out of his control (examples include his inability to stop Vulcan and Crow from dying in CS2).
Rean is also extraordinarily perceptive thanks to his Unclouded Eye technique, which he learned from Yun Ka-fai. This allows him to set aside any preconceived notions or prejudices he may have and accurately discern a person’s true nature. His training also allows him to notice things others may not, such as objects moving at high speed or unseen people/creatures in his vicinity. At the same time, there are things he struggles to pick up on, namely when it comes to others’ feelings regarding him. Rean often fumbles when it comes to romantic/intimate interactions with the girls in his life, either unintentionally flustering them or failing to understand how deep their feelings run. Rean also fails to understand how his martyr behavior hurts those he cares about, despite numerous incidents ending with people refusing to abandon him and calling him out for perceived recklessness.
Analysis: One thing I’ve always appreciated about Rean is that, despite his serious personal problems, he never comes off as whiny, annoying, cringe, etc. He knows how to compartmentalize and portray an air of confidence and amicability; I would attribute this to his noble upbringing, as we see similar behavior in other noble characters like Laura and Jusis. His natural ability as a speaker and leader are reminiscent of Osborne’s, as is his penchant for self-sacrificial behavior; Osborne was, after all, willing to bond with Ishmelga, literally give his heart to his son, and turn himself into a villain for the sake of his people.
There are considerable differences between Rean and the three protagonists who preceded him. He is almost the antithesis of Estelle: She is lively, spontaneous, and unafraid to open up to others emotionally, Rean is more reserved and measured, and is initially guarded, though he does learn to express himself over time. While he does share similar backstory details to Kevin, their outward personalities are starkly different, with Kevin being suave and laid-back and Rean being more serious and passive. As for Lloyd, while Rean does share his kindness, perception, and leadership ability, the two do have their differences as well. Lloyd’s arc is about starting from nothing and overcoming barriers, gaining strength along the way. He is driven by a commitment to justice and a zealous patriotic spirit. Rean, on the other hand, starts out with great power at a young age but struggles to control it, making his journey more internal and personal than Lloyd’s. Additionally, his fighting spirit comes not from burning passion, but from steely nerve and trust in his companions. And, of course, he is not morally gray like his successor, Van.

Relationships

Due to the sheer number of people Rean becomes involved with, I will only address his more notable relationships. Many will be in clusters, with only a select few individuals receiving their own entries.

• Old Class VII: Old Class VII is Rean’s core friend group through the entire Cold Steel arc. They are the ones who fight by his side during the arc’s major events, including the Erebonian civil war, the Great Twilight, and more. Although Emma Millstein was class president during their student years, Rean gradually becomes Old Class VII’s’ de facto leader in the field due to his good rapport with all its members and his role in helping them bond with each other. By the end of CS1, he is very much the proverbial glue that holds Old Class VII together, and Rean executes this role flawlessly in CS2 by bringing their scattered members back together again. Despite his love for his classmates, Rean largely hesitates to seek them out for emotional support due to his low self-worth, and it isn’t until he sees their heartbroken reactions to his “death” in Reverie when he realizes how much he means to them.
• New Class VII: Rean is New Class VII’s teacher at Thors’s branch campus starting in CS3. Over the course of the game and its sequels, he forms a unique bond with each of his five students: A father-like figure for Altina, a tough-love mentor for Ash, a source of confidence for Kurt, a role model for Juna and… uh… maybe I shouldn’t discuss Musse. Anyway, the wisdom Rean imparts on New Class VII helps them all mature into capable young adults, particularly Juna, who essentially fills Rean’s shoes in CS4 Chapter 1 and leads the charge to rescue him from Osborne.
• Schwarzer family: Rean’s adopted parents and sister. Rean cares deeply about the Schwarzers, to the point where seeing them being physically threatened causes his ogre powers to manifest uncontrollably in CS1-2. At the same time, despite having the Schwarzer’s unconditional love and support, Rean feels like a significant burden to them for much of his young life, particularly to Teo. This matter is eventually settled by the end of CS2. There is also the matter of Elise, his younger sister, who develops feelings for him as they age (writing that did not sit well with me at all, but the show must go on…). Rean, for his part, is exceptionally protective of Elise until she finally rebuffs this part of him in Reverie, arguing that she is strong enough to take care of herself.
• Crow Armbrust: If any one member of Class VII, new or old, deserves an individual mention, it is unquestionably Crow. Crow and Rean share a unique, dynamic relationship that evolves considerably over the four Cold Steel games. In the beginning, Crow is Rean’s rival and superior in many ways. He is older, more cunning, and a stronger Awakener than Rean (at least when piloting Ordine). But over time, Rean gains strength and confidence, which allows him to beat Crow in CS2, and then defeat him again in CS4, at which point he essentially becomes Crow's lord and retainer by sparing his life.
  • The two are very much foils for one another, with similarities and differences: Both are young men who are descended from political leaders (who were themselves bitter enemies). Both are Awakeners guided by witches - Crow by the mighty Vita and Rean by the fledgling Emma and Celine. At the same time they are almost total opposites as people, with Crow being cocky, deceptive, and rebellious, while Rean is modest, honest, and upstanding. Even their hair colors contrast! In that sense, Crow also serves as a benchmark for Rean's growth, as their relationship roles essentially switch in CS4, with Rean gaining dominance over Crow.
• Yun Ka-fai: Because there is still much mystery surrounding Yun Ka-fai, it is difficult to dissect him in the context of this write-up. However, we do know that Rean was Yun's last discipline - the last of four. Rean also receives correspondence from Yun at various points in the story, largely to give life updates and confer higher ranks onto Rean (Is this the Trails equivalent of Zoom classes? No, wait, they have actual tech for that…). From the content of his letters, Yun seems to think highly of Rean as both a person and a swordsman. Despite not being present for Rean's final few years of training, Yun understands Rean's journey intimately, to the point where he feels comfortable making Rean a Divine Blade through a proxy in CS4. This begs questions: How does Yun know so much? Does he possess some form of the Unclouded Eye that lets him detect such things in his students? Is he basically Yoda? Or is someone watching Rean on Yun's behalf? Furthermore, in his letter to Rean in CS3, he says he will impart his final teachings onto Rean “when” they meet again. This might be reading too much into it, but Yun seems quite confident he will see Rean again. My guess is that Yun has something planned, if not for Rean, then for all of his disciples. And I suspect that that plan was part of why Yun chose to promote Rean to Divine Blade when he did. The timing, right before the final battle at the Duatha de Danann, is too convenient for me to ignore. Either Yun wanted to help Rean reach peak form in time, or he had some other motive. Or both.
• Giliath Osborne: Osborne is Rean's biological father. Despite coming off as callous at first, it becomes clear in CS4 and Reverie that Osborne truly loved his son and was willing to sacrifice everything for him, including his heart (literally) and his humanity. Rean inherited a number of traits from Osborne, including his charisma, leadership ability, flawed selflessness, and strength of spirit. The two share an innate need to put others’ happiness over their own, albeit for different reasons, and both suffered in silence for years because of it. This is part of why, despite having the same goal, Rean and Osborne both fought each other with all they had during the final Rivalry: Neither wanted to see the other inherit the curse's full power, Osborne because he didn't want to see Rean suffer any longer and Rean because he essentially accepted that he was the curse's Sacrifice. After CS4, Rean learns more about Osborne's inner thoughts and motives, developing a deep admiration for his father and a desire to make his sacrifice worthwhile.
• Lloyd Bannings: Lloyd and Rean are quite comparable. They are the main protagonists of their respective arcs, both are leaders in their own right, both embody aspects of the “dense male protagonist” trope, and both are overall kind, perceptive (outside of romance), overall heroic young men. But like Crow, Lloyd is a foil for Rean, and this is apparent from their very first meeting, in CS2's Divertissement. Lloyd and Rean's circumstances were polar opposites: Lloyd was a vigilante, relegated to the shadows, with only a skeleton crew for support, while Rean was an Erebonian national hero with a Divine Knight and the full power of his country behind him. At the same time, Rean had no agency during this time, as he had been manipulated by Osborne into accepting such status and becoming part of a reprehensible operation. Lloyd, on the other hand, was a free agent, uncompromising in his ideals and fighting tirelessly for true justice. In short, Lloyd was powerless but free, while Rean was powerful but trapped. In that moment, it is obvious that Rean respected Lloyd's convictions and may have even envied him. Fortunately for the two, they find themselves on the same side in CS4 and a proper friendship between the two forms.
• Patrick Hyarms: Patrick and Rean’s relationship had an uneasy start. Although Patrick initially tried to ingratiate himself with Rean, he was rebuffed due to his elitist attitude towards commoners and other non-nobles. Patrick was quick to change his disposition towards Rean, treating him with disgust due to his unknown origins and lack of noble blood. After being humiliated by Rean and the other non-noble men of Class VII, Patrick starts to reassess his mindset and eventually becomes more accepting of non-nobles. This, in turn, leads to Rean and Patrick becoming friends, and in CS3, the two are shown to be trusted partners in certain areas. The friendship is somewhat complicated by Patrick’s romantic interest in Elise, of whom Rean is especially protective.

Future

As a main series protagonist, Rean is basically guaranteed to return in a future game. Whether or not he will be playable or have a significant role in said game is difficult to ascertain, but given his lengthy period of stardom in the Cold Steel games and Trails’s treatment of other past protagonists, my guess is that he will take more of a side role. Since Rean was looking for Yun Ka-fai after Reverie, and Yun is set to appear in Kai no Kiseki, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Rean in that game at all - at least in flashback form. Failing that, Rean will surely appear in or close to the series finale. Of this I am certain.

Misc. Notes/Commentary

• Funnily enough, Rean’s final struggle with his powers in CS3-4 reminds me somewhat of the finale of Steven Universe Future, which similarly ends with the protagonist losing control of his powers and turning into a raging monster. It is only through the love and reassurance of Steven’s friends and family that he is able to return to normal, and like Rean, he is not necessarily “cured” of anything; he simply has a newfound resolve to get better.
• For those curious: I did not include discussion of Rean’s “harem” in this analysis because I do not see it as a core part of his character. The dating sim aspect of the Cold Steel games is just a silly fanservice gimmick and has no bearing on Rean’s growth or development. While it might have indirectly limited the interpersonal relationships the female characters of CS could form with other males, it did not have a similar effect on Rean.
  • Ftr, I romanced Alisa in CS2 and Sara in CS4.
• Rean’s two big “power of friendship” moments in the series - unlocking Spirit Unification in CS2’s Intermission and snapping out of his ogre rage in CS4’s Fragments chapter - both involve him being faced with a golden crystal which symbolizes his many loving relationships. This is a minor detail, but I do appreciate the parallels at work here.

It's been a hell of a week.
I've been holding this story to myself for my entire stonks adventure. I've written it up a few times and deleted before I posted it, but I had a few drinks last night and typed it up again, and the return of the hype has me introspective.
I lost my little brother to cancer in the late '90s. Leukemia, or to be more specific cascading organ failure due to the side effects of chemo.
I was a sophomore in college when he died. He was 18.
Growing up, I was a car guy, but he was a console gamer and an artist, a pokemon collector and anime fan. From the time I was in middle school and he was in 5th grade my parents would let us walk together to the mall about 2-1/2 miles away on the weekends or during school breaks. We were supposed to stick together, but we'd usually split up and hang out with our friends.
Our usual spot to meet up for the walk home was GameStop. It was his favorite place to go. I'm pretty sure there were a lot of times he just hung out there for a few hours browsing games and playing demos. The cashiers knew him by name.
After spending the afternoon at the mall we'd meet up at GameStop, grab a slice or two for dinner at Sbarro's in the food court, and walk home before it got TOO dark out. A lot of times we'd swing over to Blockbuster across from the mall if it was summer and we still had light. When my parents were having a hard time financially I'd use some of the money I got from mowing lawns and working at the gas station and tell him it was our allowance from mom. I'm not sure if he ever caught on.
"I'll meet you at GameStop at 6". I can't even imagine how many times I said that. He liked to talk with hands, so a lot of times I'd end up holding his games as well as my bag with a model car from Kay-Bee or some Testors model paint from the Hobby store, sometimes a Lambo poster or supermodel poster or techno-junk trinket from Hot Topic. He'd usually want to see what I got, and then he would ramble all the way home about some new game he was excited about, or tips he got on how to beat the most recent Nintendo game we had.
He was a little bit of a budding entrepreneur- he'd reserve every game they released and sell the ones he didn't want to his friends at school. He really loved drawing, especially anime, and we found out later he was also supplementing his income drawing titty pics for his friends for a few bucks. Good Lord, the fallout from that!
I was in college out of state when he got sick. The summer after my Freshman year. I ditched my summer internship before it started and came home to be a bone marrow donor. By the time fall semester rolled around it seemed like he was getting better. When I came home for Christmas break I got to take him to GameStop in the mall to spend his giftcards and the cash he got. He was in a mask (way before Covid) because his immune system wasn't working right but he wanted to go in person so bad that my parents gave the OK. It was the last place I went with him that wasn't the hospital. The last time I had a meaningful conversation with him was on the drive back from the mall. We talked about where he wanted to go to college, about how he felt about graduating high school next year, and about the girl he liked. We drove around aimlessly for a while talking before we finally headed home.
I went back to college a few days later. Worked a summer internship away from home that year and then started my Sophomore year. Just before Thanksgiving, he suddenly got very sick and went into a coma, which he never came out of. We never did get a satisfactory explanation for it, just "these things sometimes happen after chemo."
I stumbled across the DFV saga on the WaSaBi sub in the early days of the sneeze and it set off something in me. It was a perfect storm of emotions reading through the DD and stories- Not only were these Hedgie bastards going after my little bro's favorite hangout, there was also the same flavor of corruption that we all gagged on in the '08 housing crisis. All the soulless corporate raiding and underhanded crap, all the sleaze and outright cheating.
I bought in with all the cash I could afford to lose. I haven't sold. I used to have other hobbies but now I buy GME and shop at my local GameStop stores. I have found a few things I enjoy, and I have kids to shop for, so I plan to support as best I can for a long time to come.
Here's what I don't think the Hedgies got at first, maybe they still can't comprehend. For some of us Apes, maybe even a majority, it isn't really just about the money. I think for maybe a whole a lot of us, it's not about the money at all anymore, even if it started out that way.
And the Hedgies can't win because we are not playing the same game.
I'll keep Hodling for you.
I'll meet you at GameStop, Bro.

DAY: MAY 17, 2024

• 5-17-2024NEW DATA OUTLINE POSITIVE EFFECTS OF ENDURANCE EXERCISE TRAINING Treadmill training, a form of endurance exercise, was found to be highly effective “with robust improvements in skeletal muscle citrate synthase activity in as little as [one to two] weeks, and improvements in maximum run speed and maximal uptake by [four to eight] weeks.” The full effect of endurance exercise training was previously unexplained until this study. Researchers sought to develop and implement a standardized endurance exercise protocol in more than 340 rats participating in progressive treadmill training five days a week for one, two,
• 5-17-2024CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT FROM SPOUSE MAY DECREASE WELL-BEING FOR SOME PEOPLE As people age, they often need assistance from their spouse or partner to manage their health problems. Though research has examined the emotional and psychological effects that this support has on the caregiver, less research has been conducted on how it affects care recipients
• 5-17-2024WHEN DEPRESSION MEDS DON’T WORK, THIS MAY HELP YOU TURN THE CORNER Some 30 to 40% of patients do not respond to medications for depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), but half of them could be helped by a noninvasive in-office procedure. To mark National Mental Health Awareness Month in May, we talk to psychiatrist Katherine Scangos, M.D., Ph.D., co-director of the Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) and Neuromodulation Program at UC San Francisco. TMS is a logical next step for many patients with an inadequate response to standard
• 5-17-2024CAN OXYTOCIN HELP AGAINST LONELINESS? FINDINGS FROM A RANDOMIZED CONTROLLED TRIAL Loneliness is not a disease. And yet it is a significant health problem. Depression, heart disease or dementia—people who are permanently lonely have a higher risk of becoming ill. The team led by Dr. Jana Lieberz have investigated how loneliness can be specifically combated.
• 5-17-2024STUDY FINDS ANTIOXIDANT DIETARY SUPPLEMENT MAY HELP COUNTER SYSTEMIC SCLEROSIS Oxidative stress is known to exacerbate fibrosis and autoimmunity. In a new study, researchers from Japan have investigated the effects of a dietary antioxidant supplement—Twendee X—on oxidative stress and fibrosis in a mouse model of SSc, an intractable autoimmune disease. Given its effectiveness in other oxidative stress-related diseases including dementia, Twendee X holds the promise of being an effective antioxidant therapeutic against SSc.
• 5-17-2024AUTISTIC PEOPLE’S FEELINGS MOSTLY MISREAD—EMPATHY WORKS BOTH WAYS, RESEARCH REVEALS The idea that autistic people lack empathy is simply short-sighted and non-autistic people may find it just as hard to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, a study suggests. A paper in the journal Autism flips the script on the often-said stereotype that autistic people have difficulty imagining how others feel. Participants shown video clips featuring autistic and non-autistic people retelling emotional events revealed people without autism find it significantly harder to track autistic people’s emotions. It also revealed people felt emotions more intensely in the body
• 5-17-2024STUDY SUGGESTS THAT AIR POLLUTION PROMOTES INFLAMMATION IN THE BRAIN, ACCELERATING CONSEQUENCES FOR DEMENTIA Results from a new study suggest that long-term exposure to air pollution leads to increased risk in dementia in Denmark. “We also find association with noise, but this seems to be explained by air pollution primarily.
• 5-17-2024STUDY SHOWS AEROBIC EXERCISE PERFORMED IN THE EVENING BENEFITS ELDERLY HYPERTENSIVES MORE THAN MORNING EXERCISE Aerobic training is known to regulate blood pressure more effectively when practiced in the evening than in the morning. Researchers who conducted a study of elderly patients at the University of São Paulo’s School of Physical Education and Sports (EEFE-USP) in Brazil concluded that evening exercise is better for blood pressure regulation thanks to improved cardiovascular control by the autonomic nervous system via a mechanism known as baroreflex sensitivity.
• 5-17-2024A LONG-TERM KETOGENIC DIET ACCUMULATES AGED CELLS IN NORMAL TISSUES, NEW STUDY SHOWS A strict “keto-friendly” diet popular for weight loss and diabetes, depending on both the diet and individual, might not be all that friendly. A new study led by researchers at The University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio (UT Health San Antonio) found that a continuous long-term ketogenic diet may induce senescence, or aged, cells in normal tissues, with effects on heart and kidney function in particular.
• 5-17-2024US TEEN DIED AFTER DOING SPICY CHIP CHALLENGE: AUTOPSY A US teenager died of cardiac arrest after taking part in a social media challenge daring people to eat a single extremely hot tortilla chip, an autopsy revealed Thursday. Harris Wolobah, a 14-year-old from Massachusetts, died in September after taking part in the so-called “One Chip Challenge”—which involved a single chip produced by Paqui, dusted with Carolina Reaper and Naga Viper peppers. The dare has manifested in several iterations over the years, with the peppers changing each time. The local chief medical examiner determined that Harris died of cardiac arrest
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MAY 17, 2024

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• 5-17-2024FDA APPROVES NEW DRUG FOR DEADLY LUNG CANCER
• 5-17-2024ANTI-DIABETIC TREATMENT ASSOCIATED WITH REDUCED RISK OF DEVELOPING BLOOD CANCER
• 5-17-2024CLINICIANS REPORT SUCCESS WITH FIRST TEST OF DRUG IN A PATIENT WITH LIFE-THREATENING BLOOD CLOTTING DISORDER
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• 5-17-2024ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AND THE FUTURE OF SURGERY
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHER DISCOVERS DRUG THAT MAY DELAY ONSET OF ALZHEIMER’S, PARKINSON’S DISEASE AND TREAT HYDROCEPHALUS
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• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS REVEAL MOLECULAR MECHANISMS OF DIFFERENT DONOR ARTERIES FOR CORONARY ARTERY BYPASS GRAFTING
• 5-17-2024LIMITING CERTAIN LIGHT EXPOSURE HAS POTENTIAL TO PREVENT INHERITED RETINAL DYSTROPHY
• 5-17-2024STUDY REVEALS THAT THE BRAIN MODULATES VISUAL SIGNALS ACCORDING TO INTERNAL STATES
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS MAKE STRIDES IN MICROBIOME-BASED CANCER THERAPIES VIA IRON DEPRIVATION IN THE TUMOR MICROENVIRONMENT
• 5-17-2024STUDY OPENS THE DOOR TO DESIGNING THERAPIES TO IMPROVE LUNG DEVELOPMENT IN GROWTH-RESTRICTED FETUSES
• 5-17-2024WASTEWATER REVEALS SOCIOECONOMIC LINK TO ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION
• 5-17-2024A MULTIFACED BRAIN MAP OF RHESUS MONKEY
• 5-17-2024MORE LEPTOSPIROSIS CASES OCCUR AFTER FLOODS, STUDY SHOWS
• 5-17-2024RESEARCH FINDS THE PROTEIN VISTA DIRECTLY BLOCKS T CELLS FROM FUNCTIONING IN IMMUNOTHERAPY
• 5-17-2024GUT BACTERIA ENHANCE CANCER IMMUNOTHERAPY IN MOUSE STUDY
• 5-17-2024NEW IMAGING SOFTWARE IMPROVES LUNG DIAGNOSIS FOR 30% OF PATIENTS WHO CAN’T TOLERATE CONTRAST DYE
• 5-17-2024BLACK ADULTS AT RISK FOR ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE LIVE IN MORE POLLUTED AREAS, STUDY FINDS
• 5-17-2024STUDY SUGGESTS CHRONIC WASTING DISEASE UNLIKELY TO MOVE FROM ANIMALS TO PEOPLE
• 5-17-2024BARRETT’S ESOPHAGUS PRECEDES ESOPHAGEAL CANCER, BUT NOT ALL PATIENTS NEED ABNORMAL CELL REMOVAL
• 5-17-2024THE NEURAL SIGNATURE OF SUBJECTIVE DISGUST COULD APPLY TO BOTH SENSORY AND SOCIO-MORAL EXPERIENCES
• 5-17-2024NEW BLOOD TEST FOR STROKE DETECTION COMBINES BLOOD-BASED BIOMARKERS WITH A CLINICAL SCORE
• 5-17-2024WEB-BASED SELF-HELP INTERVENTION FOUND TO BE BENEFICIAL FOR BINGE EATING DISORDER
• 5-17-2024MARYLAND GOV. WES MOORE SIGNS BILL REQUIRING MENTAL HEALTH TRAINING FOR PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE COACHES
• 5-17-2024NEW TECHNIQUE TO FREEZE BRAIN TISSUE WITHOUT HARM
• 5-17-2024STUDY UNCOVERS KEY FACTORS FOR RESILIENCE AFTER TRAUMA
• 5-17-2024SCAFFOLDING SENSORS DETECT EARLY EVIDENCE OF ORGAN TRANSPLANT REJECTIONS IN MICE
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• 5-17-2024LINK BETWEEN E-CIGARETTE USE AND EARLY AGE OF ASTHMA ONSET IN US ADULTS DISCOVERED
• 5-17-2024RESEARCHERS IDENTIFY IMPACTS OF RUSSIA-UKRAINE WAR ON HEALTH CARE SYSTEMS IMPACTED BY COMBAT
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Part 67 What kind of AI? (Part 1) (Part 65)
[Help support me on Ko-fi so I can try to commission some character art and totally not spend it all on Gundams]
“Yes, goko, I'm taking care of Nula every way I can.” Atxika had just turned off her shower and begun reaching for a towel when she heard Tens's voice. “She isn’t a child, just… Kinda naive, you know. But really smart once she's made aware of something. And I talked to that kahzo-nene gardener who was flirting with her. He seems like a nice enough guy. He's gonna ask her out on a proper date next time she stops by his greenhouse and I'm betting she’ll say yes.”
Though Admiral Atxika had been quite busy with the running of her Matriarch’s First Fleet just as she had always been, she had taken some time to personally ensure Nula'trula had everything a sapient being could desire. Under normal conditions, which these very much were not, one of the hundreds of highly trained members of her command staff would have seen to her new temporary crew member's needs. Room, board, and other such accommodations were usually far below her pay grade and something she could trust to her subordinates to handle. However, in this particular case, things required special attention to guarantee that information security was being upheld to the highest degree possible. While Atxika wanted to satisfy her drive to ensure the digital being bound to a physical form was comfortable, even going so far as to commission a private Roboticist who had taken up shop on The Hammer instead of relying upon the specialists directly under her command, there was a much more paramount concern weighing on her.
As happy as the Admiral was knowing that the artificial sapience under her care was getting along so well in her new body that she had even begun fraternizing, that was not something she had expected nor prepared for. If anything, Atxika had been hoping Nula would go all but unnoticed by the civilians who made up the majority of this ship's permanent population. It hadn't even crossed her mind that the android woman would catch anyone's eyes in that sort of way or that a digital being would or could reciprocate such organic feelings. Just like most other people throughout the galaxy, Atxika was under the impression that sapient AIs, despite how many of them would often gender themselves in manner similar to their creator species, had such foreign and unrecognizable forms of cognition that base biological instincts were simply beyond them. Though Atxika had spent decades of her life directly interacting with digital people as part of her job, even building a sufficient rapport with a few to consider them as friends, not once had she felt like she truly understood any of them in the way she could seemed to intuitively comprehend the motivations of organic beings. With all of that aside, even if an AI could experience love, or at the very least find enjoyment in a temporary fling, Atxika's mind returned to her concerns regarding Nula'trula's unique status brought upon by her relation to another, far less amiable, digital being.
As Atxika quickly toweled herself off, the moisture easily being whisked away from large and muscular body, she was already brainstorming ways to properly approach the rather touchy situation she was now aware of. Nula was created by the same species who birthed one of the most destructive forces that had ever laid waste to the galaxy afterall. While she may be just as friendly and copacetic as any other AI that peacefully lived in the modern day world, and the finer details of Hekuiv'trula Infinite Hegemony and the horrors it brought were largely lost from the public's eye with most considering it ancient history or a myth, that didn't matter. What mattered was the fact that some people, if they were to find out about Nula's origins and existence, would demand her elimination as a potential threat to galactic peace and stability. Regardless of who vouched for her, which government was willing to take her in as a protected citizen, or any promises to ensure she would never become the same kind of threat as her quasi-sentient brother, there would be people calling for her death. Above all else, if the man sitting on the Admiral's bed and lovingly chatting with his grandmother had vowed to protect Nula, then Atxika would do the same.
“Yes, goko, I'll make sure Binko and Hompta give you a call later.” Tens was just wrapping up his conversation with the woman who had raised him to be the noble man he was when Atxika began to stealthily peek through the doorway. When her eyes fell on the shirtless man, his long, dark hair resting unbraided on his chiseled back, the Admiral felt her heart skip a beat, her bioluminescent freckles light up, and her mind went blank except for thoughts of him. “Gbadan npe, goko! Bama pi.”
“Were you on the comms with your grandmother?” Atxika already knew the answer but didn't want to sound like she was eavesdropping.
“Yeah, she wanted to know how Nula was settling into her new body. Considering she's a citizen of the Nishnabe Confederacy now but isn't in a clan yet, my grandma volunteered to be her clan mother until we can take a vote and get her properly adopted.”
“Does…” The Qui’ztar Admiral paused for a moment as she struggled to think of how to ask her next question. “Does your grandmother know of Nula’trula’s… Well… What have you told her?”
“Oh, I didn’t really need to tell her anything.” Though Ten had a sudden urge to play coy with the beautiful woman standing in front of him clad in just a towel that was perfectly short, he also recognized the position Atxika was in and thought better of it. “Goko served as a Chief-Brave in a position roughly equivalent to one of your Sub-Admirals. Her security clearances are even higher than mine, so NAN was able to tell her everything she needed to know. But the only thing she’s concerned about is making sure Nula gets through this mission and is safely delivered to Shkegpewn, assuming we don’t figure out a way to unchain her from her shell before then.”
“I- I did not know that about your grandmother!” Having not had the opportunity to meet Tens's grandmother and only knowing that she was still quite active and spry in the last season of her life, Atxika was both shocked and impressed by that revelation. And while she still felt some apprehension about someone outside of her jurisdiction knowing any sensitive information about Nula, she still let out a deep sigh of relief. “If a Singularity Entity was the one who briefed her, then I have to assume she is more than trustworthy enough to be privy to classified information. However, that still leaves the issue of the gardener.”
“So you were listening to me talk to my goko!” Tens couldn’t stop himself shooting a playful smile and cheeky wink towards Atx that immediately elicited a scowl in return.
“Tens, I am the Fleet Admiral! There is nothing I do not know! And besides that, I need to know about anything that could potentially jeopardize a mission as sensitive as the one concerning Nula’trula. It is absolutely essential that the public at large does not find out that anything related to the Hekuiv’trula Infinitite Hegemony still exists. If people found out that Nula’trula’s brother nearly wiped out all Ascended life, some may see her as a potential threat and seek to cause her harm.”
“Well, I would normally say they’d have to get through me, three planet crackers, and about seven hundred and fifty million apex predator deathworlders first but… Well… No one’s gonna find out. At least not until we make sure of any trace if Nula's brother is destroyed and the galaxy knows that ancient threat is long dead.”
“And what if she discloses that information?”
“Like I told goko, Nula's naive but really smart. She already knows the cover story she and Tarki came up with by heart.”
“I was under the impression that AIs couldn’t lie.”
“I mean…” For just a brief moment, Tens was at a loss for words. He could tell that Atxika was incredibly serious about this and he didn’t want to seem dismissive towards her very real and justifiable concerns. However, the idea that Tarki had come up with, one which Nula seemed to have absolutely no issues with, was so simple that the man feared he would upset his lover, who was also his commanding officer. “Would it really be a lie to say that when she was found and recovered, her shell and data storage systems were in such a state that talking about her past would be difficult, if not impossible? And wouldn’t you consider a history as traumatic as Nula’s to be difficult, if not impossible, to talk about? Even with friends or people she’s grown close to? I wouldn’t say a lie to not talk about something, especially if it’s a sensitive topic.”
“There’s no way-!” Atxika cut herself off while starting to think through that deviously perfect lie that only a lawyer could cook up before redirecting her gaze towards the ceiling and calling out to her flagship’s AI Captain. “Hammer? Did you hear that? Is that the kind of lie an AI could actually tell?”
“Yes, Admiral Atxika.” The immediate response was automatic, a simple unconscious function of the automated subsystems Tylon utilized so that he could respect the individual privacy of the crew, but was quickly followed up by a much more enthusiastic and pleasant tone as the artificial man consciously entered the conversation. “Oh! Yes, actually, that very much will work. I was actually going to include this in my briefing for you this morning, Admiral. And I must agree with Lieutenant Tensebwse, this is not a lie, not even by omission. Nula’trula was severely traumatized by her experiences and, without a doubt, will need years of professional help to fully recover to a proper mental state. After spending some time talking with her again last night and getting a better glimpse of how she reacts to certain… Inputs… Well, I am sad to say that I think I know what kind of Artificial Intelligence she is.”
/---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Hey, Tens!” As soon as Nula's cheerful, soft, and recognizably bark-like voice called out to the Nishnabe warrior as he stepped into the mech bay aboard The Hammer, he turned to see the android in a group with a couple of the Qui’ztar honor guards he had a training session scheduled with, few Kyim’ayik engineers, and one of Singularity Entity 139-621’s mantis-like drone bodies. “I was wondering if it would be ok if I participated in one of your combat simulations today. I already asked Captain Marzima and she told me I needed to get your approval as well.”
“Uh…” Tens shot a quick glance towards Marz who seemed to have a devious smile spread across her lips which made her prominent tusks look even more pronounced. “Yeah… Learning to operate a BD is pretty easy and I'm sure your new body can properly interact with the controls. It should take less than an hour for you to figure it out well enough. So… Sure, I have no problem with that.”
“Oh, I already got some practice time during my charging cycle last night.” The ornate micro paneling that constituted Nula's face distorted into a devilish and predatory grin. “139 and Tylon thought it may help me work through some things and they were right! It was really fun!”
“It will also be good experience for our upcoming mission.” 139 added in an almost proud tone. “We will need Nula on the ground with us at every stage to ensure we can rapidly react to and possibly shut down any Hekuiv'trula systems that may still be active. We may be soldiers but none of us, including myself, are as familiar with Artuv'trula based systems as Nula.”
“Hold on!” The Nishnabe warrior couldn't stop himself from letting his overly protective side kick in at full force. “What the hell do you mean she needs to get on the ground with us?!? I thought we were supposed to keep her and the Turts safe, not actively put either of them in harm's way!”
“She will be kept safe, Tensebwse.” The pride remained in 139's inflection as their ever-shifting liquid metal visage turned towards Tens. “I am constructing her an up-armored and slightly modified BD-6 as we speak. She will be our electronic warfare support.”
“Is that really necessary?”
“Yes.” There was no hesitation in the Singularity Entity’s response, but a subtle note of ambivalence started to sneak through. “One of the reasons the War of Eons lasted as long as it did was because we were simply unable to crack the carrier code that Hekuiv'trula used to control his warforms. Even with the assistance of two Light-born AIs, one purposefully created for the task, we were never able to do much more than block out remote control. And with each warform having a limited form of independence capable of networking with nearby systems, all we could really do was prevent interplanetary coordination. But with Nula present, there's a very real possibility of cracking the encryption and fully taking over control of any still existing Hekuiv'trula warforms or defense systems.”
“No offense Nula but…” As soon as Tens saw his android friend's smile had turned into a melancholy expression, he hesitated. If two Light-born AI couldn’t defeat Hekuiv'trula, a non-sapient AI created by a species who hadn't even Ascended yet, what could Nula do? Even if Tylon, The Hammer's Captain and the controller for the entire fleet, was correct in his assessment concerning the category of sapient AI that Nuka fell into, there was no way she could be anywhere near as powerful as someone like Maser. However, that look on her face was quite familiar to him. Though he very much wanted to ensure that she would live a long and happy life, he also wasn't one to stand in the way of someone who wanted to do the right thing and help others.
“Tens…” Nula's smile, as well as her slightly dejected demeanor, had fully faded and the look of sheer determination that filled the space was unmistakable. “I know you want to keep me safe and I truly appreciate that. I really do. But it would be wrong for me to sit idly by while you, Melatropa, Marzima, and the rest of the Angels risked your lives to rid this galaxy of my evil brother's diabolical machinations. If I can help in any way, I absolutely will. Even if that means putting my own continued existence at risk.”
“I think I know why 139 sounded so proud a minute ago.” As soon as Tens made the comment, his grin grew wide and devilish while the doubts he was feeling instantly began to fade away. For a split second, he wondered if this was how his own parents had felt when he told them he was joining the Nishnabe Militia. “Alright, Nula… If you want to be a warrior and fight the good fight, then who am I to stand in your way? Lieutenant Luitatxuva's mech is open, right Marz?”
“Yes it is.” The Qui’ztar Captain replied, her devilish smirk remaining just as pronounced as it had been this entire time. “And Nula’trula here won't need to bond with control-AI since… Well… She is one. Ah-haha!”
“Thank you, Tens! I won't disappoint you!” Though that look of heartfelt resolve remained, Nula's smile returned with a subtle coyness to it. “And you're not mad at me, right?”
“Eee! I could never get mad at that face!” Tens retorted while shaking his head and letting out a soft chuckle which caused the artificial canine woman to begin bouncing in place while softly clapping her polymer and metal hands. “Besides… We actually really could use an electronic warfare expert. I just thought 139 could provide that for us. Your honor guard are truly impressive warriors, Marz. And you know way more about digital systems than I do, Mela. But… Well… BDs were never intended to fill that role.”
“Despite how I may look, Tensebwse, I am a soldier, not a digital systems expert.” Despite 139’s metallic insectoid form, their smirk was incredibly familiar to everyone in the group. “You would have better luck asking one of these Kyim’ayik engineers to develop digital countermeasures on the fly then you would with me.”
“And I may have studied computers and robotics in school but…” Melatropa let out a deep but soft and subtly embarrassed giggle as she looked over towards the massive multi-barreled laser cannon that rested next to her mech's weapons bay. “I am far better at shooting things than I am hacking into systems older than my species.”
“Alright, Nula, it's settled. Go hop in that mech so we can start practicing. If you're going to be on the ground with us, I need to know you can handle yourself. Just be sure to bring some weapons so you can fight back if we get separated.”
“Oh, I already have a load out in mind. And I think you'll love it, Tens!”