Disposable chair covers
Channel 101: Shows, News, Discussion
2011.03.09 03:33 mezzanine224 Channel 101: Shows, News, Discussion
Channel 101 is a short comedy film festival in Los Angeles and New York.
2024.05.18 23:57 sjanevardsson The Keeper, the Seeker, and the Avatar
After nearly thirty years of research, field work, digging, and sometimes living off the land, Ana had finally found what her family had sought since her great-grandfather. The door was so well hidden that she hadn’t realized it was there until she attempted to break a bit of the surface rock off with her geologist’s hammer. The hollow behind the door resonated with the sound of the hammer on stone.
She tapped along the door to find the edges. With the chisel end of her hammer, she chipped away the encrustations that had built up along the edges. After hours of hammering, chiseling, and digging at the base, the outline of the door was visible. Made of the same rock as the surrounding gneiss, it had gone unnoticed for untold millennia.
Ana pushed the door from the sides, the middle, the top, the bottom, looking for the smallest movement. The door didn’t budge. She sat, leaning against the door on the flat bit of ground she’d dug out. She ate some of the year-old jerky she had in her pack while the sun set.
It was a clear, moonless night, and Ana focused her attention on the whirl of the Milky Way overhead. The sight wasn’t enough to keep her mind off the stubborn door behind her and the aching of her joints from sitting on the rocky ground.
She stood and turned to take a last look at the door for the day. Even in the faint light of the stars, she thought she could make out the edges. At one corner, a flash caught her eye. She moved her head back and forth, trying to find the position that had, she thought, reflected light.
Not finding it, she pulled out her flashlight and shone it on the corner of the door where the flash was. She expected to see a reflection but saw none. She turned out the light, and there it was, except it was two flashes this time.
There was no doubt it was coming from inside, shining out a pinhole in the door seam at the upper left corner. “Monkey see, monkey do?” she asked herself. She pointed the flashlight at the corner and flashed it twice. When nothing happened, she flashed it again.
The response was five flashes. “Oh, fibbi-whatever,” she muttered. “Three and five is eight.” She flashed the light eight times. There was no immediate response. She began to worry that she’d been wrong in her counting or in what pattern they were looking for.
A loud hiss sounded as the whole door slid out away from the wall. Bright light shone around the edges of the door that continued to slide out, far thicker than she’d expected. Where she’d stopped digging in front of it, the door bulldozed its own path.
It stopped with a little less than a meter clearance between the back of the door and front of the rock wall. Beyond lay a downward-sloping walkway. It was shaped like an oval with a flattened floor. A voice echoed from within, “Enter, Anastasia.”
She didn’t know how they knew who she was, but she wasn’t going to turn back after having come so far. She stepped around the door, held by a single, flat piece of metal that disappeared into a groove in the ceiling. The metal that held the massive slab of stone looked far too flimsy for purpose, but pushing against the edges of the open door did nothing to sway the door or distort the metal support.
With a deep breath, Ana threw her pack over her shoulder and stepped into the hallway. As she continued down the hall, more would illuminate ahead of her while behind her, the lights shut off. Where the light came from was a mystery to her, but she was more interested in what lay ahead at that point.
She felt a slight, sudden increase in air pressure in the tunnel, followed by the echoing sound of the door as it closed. She pushed down the edges of panic that wanted to take hold. “I’m on my way,” she said to the tunnel.
The deeper she went, the more the temperature seemed to settle at close to fifteen or sixteen degrees Celsius. Her lips felt dry in the still air, and she applied lip balm while she continued apace ever deeper. Somewhere far underground, the tunnel curved back on itself and kept descending. After two more switchbacks, and what felt like hours of walking, she found herself in a chamber.
It was monumental in scale. The walls curved to meet at least twenty meters overhead. As the lights in the chamber came up, the far side looked a hundred or more meters away, while the doorway she was in was situated about twenty meters from the walls on either side. Covering the bottom two-thirds of the walls were row upon row of plastic-like boxes with lights blinking inside them.
In the center of the chamber was a dais with a holographic glyph floating in the air above it. Standing next to the dais was the owner of the voice she’d heard on entering. The shape was semi-translucent, the lights from the boxes behind it seeming to light it from within. “Welcome,” it said, although it had no mouth with which to speak. Its form shifted and changed, from an amorphous blob to an array of wings and eyes, then through creatures both real and mythical, until it finally settled into the shape of a large woman with wings.
“Who are you?” Ana asked.
“I am the keeper,” it said. “You are Anastasia, the seeker, yes?”
“I’m Anastasia Kell, but I go by Ana.” Ana moved closer to the center of the chamber and the shape-shifting entity at its center. “What is your name?”
“I am the keeper. I have no name.”
“Fine, I’ll call you Odette, then. You look like an Odette.”
The keeper flapped its wings twice, then shrunk its body by adding a long tail. “That is acceptable, seeker Anastasia.”
“Please, just call me Ana.”
“Of course, Ana. Please, come to the dais for your reward. Your dedication has won through.” The keeper moved away from the dais and extended an arm toward Ana. The arm kept extending, reaching Ana’s hand twenty meters away from the keeper.
Ana was surprised that the hand felt warm and dry. She’d expected some sort of slimy, cold thing, but it wasn’t. She let herself be led to the dais. “What are you?”
“I am the keeper.”
“Are you a biological creature or a construct of some sort? Some sort of soft-body robot, maybe.”
“I am a biological construct, designed to keep a record of all intelligent life on this world. I have been keeping these records for 72,363,412 years.”
“Since what…the dinosaurs?”
“Yes. The first were theropods. Traveling in hunter groups, they had a limited language. If they had been more adaptable, they might have not been already dying out by the time of the asteroid.” The keeper changed its shape to a theropod that Ana didn’t recognize. It was about the same height as her, with three-toed feet, three-fingered hand on medium-length arms, and a slightly domed head.
“That’s what they looked like?” she asked.
“Yes.” The keeper shifted into the shape of a porpoise. “There were and are the cetaceans, of course. They have language and culture but are not in a position to leave their cradle.”
“Is that what you’ve been waiting for? An intelligence capable of space travel?”
“Yes. My creators have placed other keepers like me on millions of worlds.” The keeper changed into a sphere. “This is where I am keeper.”
“So now, humans, I guess, are what you’ve been looking for.”
The keeper changed into a primate that resembled a chimpanzee and then morphed through several hominin species shapes, pausing on Neanderthal before finishing up with modern human. “I’ve watched entire civilizations come and go without so much as a scratch to mark them in the geologic record, and yet your kind has made an indelible mark on the planet. Whether that is for better or worse remains to be seen.”
“My guess would be worse, but I’m a pessimist.”
“So you say, but you never stopped searching for the library at the heart of the world.”
“True.” Ana took a deep breath and put a hand on the dais. The holographic glyph hovering above it disappeared, and an eight-limbed creature appeared in its place.
The creature spoke in English, even though its squishy mouthparts made movements that were often in total contradiction to the sounds it made. “Welcome, seeker Anastasia. Updating. Welcome, Ana. What would you like to learn today?”
“What are my limits here? This place was hard enough to find, what kind of things won’t you tell me?”
“The records will answer any questions you have that can be answered. Nonsensical and paradoxical queries will be ignored. The library is hidden to ensure that only those ready to take the next steps beyond their cradle can find it. As such, all our knowledge is yours for the asking.”
“So, I blinked a light in a simple sequence. How does that mean we’re ready to take the next steps – whatever those are?”
“You are the fourth generation of your family that has searched for the library, correct?” the holograph asked.
“I am.”
“And you have spent the majority of your adult life in the same search, have you not?”
“I have,” she said, “but how does that–”
“Multi-generational planning and execution, combined with drive and determination, and the knowledge of basic mathematical concepts. This is enough to start with.”
“Are you just another aspect of Odette?”
“No, I am the avatar of Krshnlgik-mlOgnk, the current head of remote planetary studies on our home world of MFkst.” The pronunciation of the non-translated names sounded more like someone choking in a bowl of oatmeal than a language.
“Is faster-than-light communication possible?”
“It is. I am currently speaking with you from a distance of thirty-one thousand light years.”
“How?”
A series of formulae appeared in the space above the dais. “You may use your phone to photograph these, since memorization might be difficult.”
Ana did. “And faster-than-light travel?”
The formulae were replaced with more, some of which looked similar to the first. She photographed those as well.
“Do you have any other questions?”
“How can you claim to keep track of everything happening all over the world?”
“The keeper, or Odette as you call it, has a connection through quintillions of microscopic wormholes to points all over the planet.”
“So, would you have the contents of the Library of Alexandria as they were just before it burned?”
“We do.” Thousands upon thousands of titles scrolled by, many in languages Ana couldn’t even guess at, but with an English translation next to them.
“That might be something for another day,” she said. “Are there others out there in the galaxy or just your people?”
“There are many others,” the avatar said, as images of dozens of strange body plans showed. “We are a small part of a wider galactic community.
“You seem to be pondering something,” the keeper said. “Do not be afraid to ask your question.”
“How do we get off this rock and join the galactic community?”
The keeper morphed into the shape of a cozy chair and said, “Get comfortable.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Because,” the avatar answered, “this is going to take a long time to explain.”
prompt: Dream up a secret library. Write a story about an adventurer who discovers it. What’s in the library? Why was it kept secret?
originally posted at Reedsy
submitted by sjanevardsson to HFY [link] [comments]
She tapped along the door to find the edges. With the chisel end of her hammer, she chipped away the encrustations that had built up along the edges. After hours of hammering, chiseling, and digging at the base, the outline of the door was visible. Made of the same rock as the surrounding gneiss, it had gone unnoticed for untold millennia.
Ana pushed the door from the sides, the middle, the top, the bottom, looking for the smallest movement. The door didn’t budge. She sat, leaning against the door on the flat bit of ground she’d dug out. She ate some of the year-old jerky she had in her pack while the sun set.
It was a clear, moonless night, and Ana focused her attention on the whirl of the Milky Way overhead. The sight wasn’t enough to keep her mind off the stubborn door behind her and the aching of her joints from sitting on the rocky ground.
She stood and turned to take a last look at the door for the day. Even in the faint light of the stars, she thought she could make out the edges. At one corner, a flash caught her eye. She moved her head back and forth, trying to find the position that had, she thought, reflected light.
Not finding it, she pulled out her flashlight and shone it on the corner of the door where the flash was. She expected to see a reflection but saw none. She turned out the light, and there it was, except it was two flashes this time.
There was no doubt it was coming from inside, shining out a pinhole in the door seam at the upper left corner. “Monkey see, monkey do?” she asked herself. She pointed the flashlight at the corner and flashed it twice. When nothing happened, she flashed it again.
The response was five flashes. “Oh, fibbi-whatever,” she muttered. “Three and five is eight.” She flashed the light eight times. There was no immediate response. She began to worry that she’d been wrong in her counting or in what pattern they were looking for.
A loud hiss sounded as the whole door slid out away from the wall. Bright light shone around the edges of the door that continued to slide out, far thicker than she’d expected. Where she’d stopped digging in front of it, the door bulldozed its own path.
It stopped with a little less than a meter clearance between the back of the door and front of the rock wall. Beyond lay a downward-sloping walkway. It was shaped like an oval with a flattened floor. A voice echoed from within, “Enter, Anastasia.”
She didn’t know how they knew who she was, but she wasn’t going to turn back after having come so far. She stepped around the door, held by a single, flat piece of metal that disappeared into a groove in the ceiling. The metal that held the massive slab of stone looked far too flimsy for purpose, but pushing against the edges of the open door did nothing to sway the door or distort the metal support.
With a deep breath, Ana threw her pack over her shoulder and stepped into the hallway. As she continued down the hall, more would illuminate ahead of her while behind her, the lights shut off. Where the light came from was a mystery to her, but she was more interested in what lay ahead at that point.
She felt a slight, sudden increase in air pressure in the tunnel, followed by the echoing sound of the door as it closed. She pushed down the edges of panic that wanted to take hold. “I’m on my way,” she said to the tunnel.
The deeper she went, the more the temperature seemed to settle at close to fifteen or sixteen degrees Celsius. Her lips felt dry in the still air, and she applied lip balm while she continued apace ever deeper. Somewhere far underground, the tunnel curved back on itself and kept descending. After two more switchbacks, and what felt like hours of walking, she found herself in a chamber.
It was monumental in scale. The walls curved to meet at least twenty meters overhead. As the lights in the chamber came up, the far side looked a hundred or more meters away, while the doorway she was in was situated about twenty meters from the walls on either side. Covering the bottom two-thirds of the walls were row upon row of plastic-like boxes with lights blinking inside them.
In the center of the chamber was a dais with a holographic glyph floating in the air above it. Standing next to the dais was the owner of the voice she’d heard on entering. The shape was semi-translucent, the lights from the boxes behind it seeming to light it from within. “Welcome,” it said, although it had no mouth with which to speak. Its form shifted and changed, from an amorphous blob to an array of wings and eyes, then through creatures both real and mythical, until it finally settled into the shape of a large woman with wings.
“Who are you?” Ana asked.
“I am the keeper,” it said. “You are Anastasia, the seeker, yes?”
“I’m Anastasia Kell, but I go by Ana.” Ana moved closer to the center of the chamber and the shape-shifting entity at its center. “What is your name?”
“I am the keeper. I have no name.”
“Fine, I’ll call you Odette, then. You look like an Odette.”
The keeper flapped its wings twice, then shrunk its body by adding a long tail. “That is acceptable, seeker Anastasia.”
“Please, just call me Ana.”
“Of course, Ana. Please, come to the dais for your reward. Your dedication has won through.” The keeper moved away from the dais and extended an arm toward Ana. The arm kept extending, reaching Ana’s hand twenty meters away from the keeper.
Ana was surprised that the hand felt warm and dry. She’d expected some sort of slimy, cold thing, but it wasn’t. She let herself be led to the dais. “What are you?”
“I am the keeper.”
“Are you a biological creature or a construct of some sort? Some sort of soft-body robot, maybe.”
“I am a biological construct, designed to keep a record of all intelligent life on this world. I have been keeping these records for 72,363,412 years.”
“Since what…the dinosaurs?”
“Yes. The first were theropods. Traveling in hunter groups, they had a limited language. If they had been more adaptable, they might have not been already dying out by the time of the asteroid.” The keeper changed its shape to a theropod that Ana didn’t recognize. It was about the same height as her, with three-toed feet, three-fingered hand on medium-length arms, and a slightly domed head.
“That’s what they looked like?” she asked.
“Yes.” The keeper shifted into the shape of a porpoise. “There were and are the cetaceans, of course. They have language and culture but are not in a position to leave their cradle.”
“Is that what you’ve been waiting for? An intelligence capable of space travel?”
“Yes. My creators have placed other keepers like me on millions of worlds.” The keeper changed into a sphere. “This is where I am keeper.”
“So now, humans, I guess, are what you’ve been looking for.”
The keeper changed into a primate that resembled a chimpanzee and then morphed through several hominin species shapes, pausing on Neanderthal before finishing up with modern human. “I’ve watched entire civilizations come and go without so much as a scratch to mark them in the geologic record, and yet your kind has made an indelible mark on the planet. Whether that is for better or worse remains to be seen.”
“My guess would be worse, but I’m a pessimist.”
“So you say, but you never stopped searching for the library at the heart of the world.”
“True.” Ana took a deep breath and put a hand on the dais. The holographic glyph hovering above it disappeared, and an eight-limbed creature appeared in its place.
The creature spoke in English, even though its squishy mouthparts made movements that were often in total contradiction to the sounds it made. “Welcome, seeker Anastasia. Updating. Welcome, Ana. What would you like to learn today?”
“What are my limits here? This place was hard enough to find, what kind of things won’t you tell me?”
“The records will answer any questions you have that can be answered. Nonsensical and paradoxical queries will be ignored. The library is hidden to ensure that only those ready to take the next steps beyond their cradle can find it. As such, all our knowledge is yours for the asking.”
“So, I blinked a light in a simple sequence. How does that mean we’re ready to take the next steps – whatever those are?”
“You are the fourth generation of your family that has searched for the library, correct?” the holograph asked.
“I am.”
“And you have spent the majority of your adult life in the same search, have you not?”
“I have,” she said, “but how does that–”
“Multi-generational planning and execution, combined with drive and determination, and the knowledge of basic mathematical concepts. This is enough to start with.”
“Are you just another aspect of Odette?”
“No, I am the avatar of Krshnlgik-mlOgnk, the current head of remote planetary studies on our home world of MFkst.” The pronunciation of the non-translated names sounded more like someone choking in a bowl of oatmeal than a language.
“Is faster-than-light communication possible?”
“It is. I am currently speaking with you from a distance of thirty-one thousand light years.”
“How?”
A series of formulae appeared in the space above the dais. “You may use your phone to photograph these, since memorization might be difficult.”
Ana did. “And faster-than-light travel?”
The formulae were replaced with more, some of which looked similar to the first. She photographed those as well.
“Do you have any other questions?”
“How can you claim to keep track of everything happening all over the world?”
“The keeper, or Odette as you call it, has a connection through quintillions of microscopic wormholes to points all over the planet.”
“So, would you have the contents of the Library of Alexandria as they were just before it burned?”
“We do.” Thousands upon thousands of titles scrolled by, many in languages Ana couldn’t even guess at, but with an English translation next to them.
“That might be something for another day,” she said. “Are there others out there in the galaxy or just your people?”
“There are many others,” the avatar said, as images of dozens of strange body plans showed. “We are a small part of a wider galactic community.
“You seem to be pondering something,” the keeper said. “Do not be afraid to ask your question.”
“How do we get off this rock and join the galactic community?”
The keeper morphed into the shape of a cozy chair and said, “Get comfortable.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Because,” the avatar answered, “this is going to take a long time to explain.”
originally posted at Reedsy
2024.05.18 23:01 No-Comment-809 Advice on Mass Save and attic insulation
Looking for advice on Mass Save and scoping out an insulation job for my attic. Moved into a townhome several months ago which likely will not be our forever home (maybe 5-7 years). The home doesn't get much direct sun exposure, and keeping the home at no more than 66-68 degrees cost us about $300/month this winter.
A contractor that is partnered with Mass Save came to do the free energy audit and he told me there's around 6 inches of fiberglass insulation (the fluffy cottony stuff) under the floorboards of my 800 sq ft attic. He recommended:
I'm seeking thoughts from others on this situation. Compared to the insulation and air sealing cost ($400), the floorboard removal seems very expensive and cost prohibitive.
My questions:
submitted by No-Comment-809 to massachusetts [link] [comments]
A contractor that is partnered with Mass Save came to do the free energy audit and he told me there's around 6 inches of fiberglass insulation (the fluffy cottony stuff) under the floorboards of my 800 sq ft attic. He recommended:
- Removing the floorboards to half of the attic (400 sq ft) and blowing in 9 inches of cellulose, and not having any floorboards on top.
- The other 400 sq ft would remain unaltered so that I can have some storage space.
- Air sealing
I'm seeking thoughts from others on this situation. Compared to the insulation and air sealing cost ($400), the floorboard removal seems very expensive and cost prohibitive.
My questions:
- Does Mass Save really not cover what seems to be step 1 of this insulation project (removing the floorboards)? That seems frustrating.
- Given this contractor did the Mass Save-sponsored energy audit, if I find another contractor to do the work, will I still be able to get Mass Save rebates?
2024.05.18 22:50 saltyblueberry25 Tinfoil master thesis on DFV meme-story
This is my in-depth notes while watching the full length dfv meme video compilation by roaring pika this morning.
https://x.com/roaringpika/status/1791834694704591155?s=46
It’s an hour long and way easier to understand all together like this.
These notes come from watching every ppshow this week and taking my favorite bits of tinfoil from the community into one fairly simple look into the story dfv is telling us without getting too deep on possible tinfoil, it’s just laid out plain and simple here.
Tldr; this is a very long post. I think it starts with dfv’s final yolo update (fine I’ll do it myself) and how he’s been feeling for the first 30 minutes of the memes and then in the last half it switches to, fine I’ll do it again and then full of straight confirmation foil that we’ve been right about the bear trap, bbby, Teddy, and baby all along. Then he says we’re all good, be zen and says goodbye for now.
Here goes:
Fine I’ll do it myself, Cat heartbeat, Wolverine mad. (I think this marks his Final yolo update and of course doubled as the hype to start this week off with a bang.)
I think the first half of the movies are all about the first squeeze and how he was both dfv and kitty, how they were talking trash about him, how we found out about the baskets “you move I move” the battle scenes were all about price action up and down, everything was green and red, and the running memes are about the stock running up and sad memes are when the stock goes down.
About 30 minutes in someone asks, “where you been”, he says “waiting”, what about getting caught? “All part of the plan.”
Then there’s usual suspects movie with the goofy meme “I’ll fuckin do it again”.
——
Then Jake texting Keith, is this about our Jake with bbby and the story pp had about the gay bar at the first pulte event? So funny with the guy with 600 memes and basically joking that he became a full blown psycho.
Tell me where the freaks at pump up music. Psyched on us after the meet up?
Guy looks out the window, then the Teddy in a chair (might have just been a response to Cramer being a smartass). Then Hank (Jim Carrey) starts to lose it as the stock price keeps going down, his alter ego comes out.
Truman show, he’s trying to escape, they say “he’ll turn back he’s too afraid”. They hit him with everything they’ve got but he knows it’s all fake. He says, “is that the best you can do??”
Fury is a game where every boss fight feels like the final boss. They taunt you, they demand you get back in your prison cell, they pound you into a pulp and they even make you doubt the righteousness of your own quest towards freedom. But the soundtrack man, it keeps egging you on. To whoop some ass! PP theme music.
The Bullet one talking about time, cause and effect, “don’t try to understand it, just feel it”. “Instinct, got it.”
Morpheus teaching neo it’s all fake. Just before that scene he says, “you think that’s air you’re breathing?” … “Again!”
Alice says “But I don’t want to go among mad people.” The cat replies, “Most everyone’s mad here. You may have noticed I’m not all there myself.” Neo waking up again in the 4th movie.
Alice going down a rabbit hole into wonderland.. psychedelic music and dancing.
Next scene guy running and falls over, music says “I lost myself.”
Shawshank, they find the tunnel he made. In 2021 Kitty escaped prison. All they found of him was some Reddit posts, tweets, and an old live stream. Investing is the study of pressure and time. That’s all it takes really, pressure and time. That and a keen goddamn activist.
A man will do anything to keep his mind busy in prison. Turns out kittys favorite activity was handing out memes, a handful at a time (the dirt for the tunnel). Kitty did as he was told, buffed that financial education to a high mirror shine. (I think he’s been getting ready for something big and these memes are just a countdown.)
Bruce Willis. No, THIS is the Kansas City shuffle. (An advanced form of confidence trick where the mark is aware of being involved in a swindle and believes that he or she can outsmart the swindler; however, this is all part of the trick, and by attempting to retaliate, the mark unwittingly assists the con artist.) Hedge funds are the mark and dfv/rc are playing a con, the bear trap?
Pay attention to what I say, I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself. The cat looks at the camera.
Michael from the office - It’s Britney bitch. And I am back. Cut to Britney Spears - I must confess I still believe. When I’m not with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign (like how we’re always asking for a sign?? (with the alien g from signs all red like a gme logo giving birth). Hit me BABY one more time!
Goosebumps all the papers fly out of the briefcase right when we get like 200 new dockets clawing back money from 90 days before bbby bk. Bear beware… you’re in for a scare…
Then it’s Abbi from Broad city dancing all over the place and she’s obsessed with bed bath and beyond in the show. There’s also the scene where the other girl is dancing behind a colored blanket with the same logo as HBC and then the next scene she’s tied up. Then they’re dancing again.. and naked then then only in shorts. Naked shorts?
We’ll never survive unless we’re a little crazy. The modern investor unleashes the animal within to take on the big city - that’s gotta be us apes?
What kind of person are you? The kind that sees signs, sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Is it possible that there are no coincidences? The kid holds up a baby monitor. They find a crop circle and it’s two GameStop logos turned in different directions (maybe rc turned GameStop around) and then another one with a long line and a baby gme logo (is gme about to have a baby?!)
Why make something disposable like an investment thesis when you can make something that lasts forever, like a GameStop meme? (It says “Reality” at the bottom of this clip, lol)
Jack Nicholson in the shining (music playing it’s just a matter of time before I lose my mind it’s also a place in ready player one where they have to take the leap not taken, the leap of faith, a kiss). “Make a lot of memes today?” Lol
Can’t stop what’s coming. Kicks some ass.
I got both hands off the wheel, the cops are coming. I listen to the music with no fear, you can hear it too if you’re sincere. Cuz I’m a punk rocker yes I am. (song: punkrocker by the teddybears)
Rock ain’t about doing things prefect! Who can tell me what it’s really about? Sticking it to the man! If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules.
Two cars racing, one plays chicken with a truck and then cut to bojack horseman talking on stage right before they almost crash (stalking horse? Looks just like he horse from 1, 2 switch that GameStop tweeted the minute the stalking horse deadline was up.)
Now you may only see a pile of boring forms and numbers, but I see a story (us going through the dd and maybe holly etlin talking about there’s a story here but it’s not mine to tell)
Listen to this song, it’ll change your life.
(Song is don’t fear the reaper - so don’t be afraid of death, funny because of the cowbell, maybe cowbell is involved in the tinfoil but at the end of the song lyrics not shown in the clip they say: don't be afraid, Come on, baby (and she had no fear) And she ran to him (then they started to fly) They looked backward and said goodbye)
Big Lebowski dude is investigating and finds the drawing of Jackie tree horn and it’s just a guy with a raging erection with the name cohen at the top of the paper. (I think this means rc is ready to fuck)
Jason borne is telling the run Lola run chick he can’t run with her, he has to be careful because people are after him. He says I gotta figure it out. She says well then figure it out. They drive into a parking garage through the wrong way (where it should say exit it says exit strategy and he enters through the exit, parks and walks away, as in “what’s an exit strategy”)
Then it looks like maybe him and rc just waiting and dealing with some bs.
Then there’s the Backstage roaring cat perhaps. The girl says ima stick beside him.
Not sure about everyone shooting each other but someone said maybe because he wrote it and manifested it?
Then the dress one “this is art, get it?” Was apparently two minutes after hey Ross and some others were talking about that dress on a space call.
I’m a United States gamestop memer. Aren’t those the guys that go crazy and come back with an arsenal of memes and blast everybody? Sometimes. Price action keeps coming and coming… and then it’s GameStop earnings week! (6/5 aftermarket)
Always sunny scene maybe like a peek into how crazy he’s been feeling not being able to talk to anyone for three years?
He can’t speak or he’ll get in trouble.
Alladin scene (alladin name of trading algo. He also says next time I’ll use a nom de plume - pen name) all I gotta do is jump! (The theme of taking a leap of faith again)
Dreyfus billionaire family (no idea but she’s dancing having a great time)
You can’t handle the truth (code red has to do with a worm/virus, maybe they’re about to unleash something that destroys several companies that are short? And it’s pretty funny)
Beavis and butthead sex for dummies (to me it says rc and dfv are ready to fuck but also cex means centralized exchanges which are also for dummies)
Oceans 11, (theme is a heist. We’re all looking at each other like what’s about to happen and then the last guy is just looking at boobs, seems to describe a group like us lol)
Bernard from westworld can’t see the bear thesis (because in the movie he’s programmed not to but irl it’s because there isn’t a thesis!)
“That’s not a thesis,” pulls out huge knife, “that’s a thesis.”
The gme galaxy on the cat collar says deepfuckingvalue so I think he’s saying it’s still deep value and we often made memes about the black hole of gme absorbing the rest of the market into it so maybe that’s it.
Whats in the box? What’s in the box??? (What’s the plan??? RC not telegraphing his plans)
Guy looks at all the memes - she asks “is it not good?” “It is miraculous.” (That’s us loving every second of this. Thank you dfv.)
And so.. you just RAN. Forest gump runnin’ (gme gonna just keep runnin’)
you go backwards but then you go forwards again… you go backwards… then he walks out of the woods.. (are we out of the woods now? Done going backwards?)
We’ll see. The Zen philosophy story - kid breaks leg, oh that’s bad, can’t go to war, oh now it’s good etc - (I think he’s saying to be zen, we’re gonna win, but this message goes deeper:
We don’t always know what is good or bad. Breaking your leg isn’t good or bad, those are just judgements in our mind. We don’t know what the future holds. Almost anything can be a good thing or a bad thing, all we can do is accept life and how things play out without judgement.)
We’ll see.
Then the boy is saying bye to ET, the music says I’ve really enjoyed my stay, but I must be movin on. (DFV going silent again until this all plays out.)
He’s saying “we fuckin won fellas! Be zen, and we’ll see this all play out soon enough.”
I think the heavy use of good movies and music and video games may also be hinting at gamestops nft marketplace May reopen to sell those 3 things as NFTs by partnering with blockbuster and some musicians.
LFG 🚀 I’ll see you regards on the moon.
submitted by saltyblueberry25 to Teddy [link] [comments]
https://x.com/roaringpika/status/1791834694704591155?s=46
It’s an hour long and way easier to understand all together like this.
Fine I’ll do it myself, Cat heartbeat, Wolverine mad. (I think this marks his Final yolo update and of course doubled as the hype to start this week off with a bang.)
I think the first half of the movies are all about the first squeeze and how he was both dfv and kitty, how they were talking trash about him, how we found out about the baskets “you move I move” the battle scenes were all about price action up and down, everything was green and red, and the running memes are about the stock running up and sad memes are when the stock goes down.
About 30 minutes in someone asks, “where you been”, he says “waiting”, what about getting caught? “All part of the plan.”
Then there’s usual suspects movie with the goofy meme “I’ll fuckin do it again”.
——
Then Jake texting Keith, is this about our Jake with bbby and the story pp had about the gay bar at the first pulte event? So funny with the guy with 600 memes and basically joking that he became a full blown psycho.
Tell me where the freaks at pump up music. Psyched on us after the meet up?
Guy looks out the window, then the Teddy in a chair (might have just been a response to Cramer being a smartass). Then Hank (Jim Carrey) starts to lose it as the stock price keeps going down, his alter ego comes out.
Truman show, he’s trying to escape, they say “he’ll turn back he’s too afraid”. They hit him with everything they’ve got but he knows it’s all fake. He says, “is that the best you can do??”
Fury is a game where every boss fight feels like the final boss. They taunt you, they demand you get back in your prison cell, they pound you into a pulp and they even make you doubt the righteousness of your own quest towards freedom. But the soundtrack man, it keeps egging you on. To whoop some ass! PP theme music.
The Bullet one talking about time, cause and effect, “don’t try to understand it, just feel it”. “Instinct, got it.”
Morpheus teaching neo it’s all fake. Just before that scene he says, “you think that’s air you’re breathing?” … “Again!”
Alice says “But I don’t want to go among mad people.” The cat replies, “Most everyone’s mad here. You may have noticed I’m not all there myself.” Neo waking up again in the 4th movie.
Alice going down a rabbit hole into wonderland.. psychedelic music and dancing.
Next scene guy running and falls over, music says “I lost myself.”
Shawshank, they find the tunnel he made. In 2021 Kitty escaped prison. All they found of him was some Reddit posts, tweets, and an old live stream. Investing is the study of pressure and time. That’s all it takes really, pressure and time. That and a keen goddamn activist.
A man will do anything to keep his mind busy in prison. Turns out kittys favorite activity was handing out memes, a handful at a time (the dirt for the tunnel). Kitty did as he was told, buffed that financial education to a high mirror shine. (I think he’s been getting ready for something big and these memes are just a countdown.)
Bruce Willis. No, THIS is the Kansas City shuffle. (An advanced form of confidence trick where the mark is aware of being involved in a swindle and believes that he or she can outsmart the swindler; however, this is all part of the trick, and by attempting to retaliate, the mark unwittingly assists the con artist.) Hedge funds are the mark and dfv/rc are playing a con, the bear trap?
Pay attention to what I say, I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself. The cat looks at the camera.
Michael from the office - It’s Britney bitch. And I am back. Cut to Britney Spears - I must confess I still believe. When I’m not with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign (like how we’re always asking for a sign?? (with the alien g from signs all red like a gme logo giving birth). Hit me BABY one more time!
Goosebumps all the papers fly out of the briefcase right when we get like 200 new dockets clawing back money from 90 days before bbby bk. Bear beware… you’re in for a scare…
Then it’s Abbi from Broad city dancing all over the place and she’s obsessed with bed bath and beyond in the show. There’s also the scene where the other girl is dancing behind a colored blanket with the same logo as HBC and then the next scene she’s tied up. Then they’re dancing again.. and naked then then only in shorts. Naked shorts?
We’ll never survive unless we’re a little crazy. The modern investor unleashes the animal within to take on the big city - that’s gotta be us apes?
What kind of person are you? The kind that sees signs, sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Is it possible that there are no coincidences? The kid holds up a baby monitor. They find a crop circle and it’s two GameStop logos turned in different directions (maybe rc turned GameStop around) and then another one with a long line and a baby gme logo (is gme about to have a baby?!)
Why make something disposable like an investment thesis when you can make something that lasts forever, like a GameStop meme? (It says “Reality” at the bottom of this clip, lol)
Jack Nicholson in the shining (music playing it’s just a matter of time before I lose my mind it’s also a place in ready player one where they have to take the leap not taken, the leap of faith, a kiss). “Make a lot of memes today?” Lol
Can’t stop what’s coming. Kicks some ass.
I got both hands off the wheel, the cops are coming. I listen to the music with no fear, you can hear it too if you’re sincere. Cuz I’m a punk rocker yes I am. (song: punkrocker by the teddybears)
Rock ain’t about doing things prefect! Who can tell me what it’s really about? Sticking it to the man! If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules.
Two cars racing, one plays chicken with a truck and then cut to bojack horseman talking on stage right before they almost crash (stalking horse? Looks just like he horse from 1, 2 switch that GameStop tweeted the minute the stalking horse deadline was up.)
Now you may only see a pile of boring forms and numbers, but I see a story (us going through the dd and maybe holly etlin talking about there’s a story here but it’s not mine to tell)
Listen to this song, it’ll change your life.
(Song is don’t fear the reaper - so don’t be afraid of death, funny because of the cowbell, maybe cowbell is involved in the tinfoil but at the end of the song lyrics not shown in the clip they say: don't be afraid, Come on, baby (and she had no fear) And she ran to him (then they started to fly) They looked backward and said goodbye)
Big Lebowski dude is investigating and finds the drawing of Jackie tree horn and it’s just a guy with a raging erection with the name cohen at the top of the paper. (I think this means rc is ready to fuck)
Jason borne is telling the run Lola run chick he can’t run with her, he has to be careful because people are after him. He says I gotta figure it out. She says well then figure it out. They drive into a parking garage through the wrong way (where it should say exit it says exit strategy and he enters through the exit, parks and walks away, as in “what’s an exit strategy”)
Then it looks like maybe him and rc just waiting and dealing with some bs.
Then there’s the Backstage roaring cat perhaps. The girl says ima stick beside him.
Not sure about everyone shooting each other but someone said maybe because he wrote it and manifested it?
Then the dress one “this is art, get it?” Was apparently two minutes after hey Ross and some others were talking about that dress on a space call.
I’m a United States gamestop memer. Aren’t those the guys that go crazy and come back with an arsenal of memes and blast everybody? Sometimes. Price action keeps coming and coming… and then it’s GameStop earnings week! (6/5 aftermarket)
Always sunny scene maybe like a peek into how crazy he’s been feeling not being able to talk to anyone for three years?
He can’t speak or he’ll get in trouble.
Alladin scene (alladin name of trading algo. He also says next time I’ll use a nom de plume - pen name) all I gotta do is jump! (The theme of taking a leap of faith again)
Dreyfus billionaire family (no idea but she’s dancing having a great time)
You can’t handle the truth (code red has to do with a worm/virus, maybe they’re about to unleash something that destroys several companies that are short? And it’s pretty funny)
Beavis and butthead sex for dummies (to me it says rc and dfv are ready to fuck but also cex means centralized exchanges which are also for dummies)
Oceans 11, (theme is a heist. We’re all looking at each other like what’s about to happen and then the last guy is just looking at boobs, seems to describe a group like us lol)
Bernard from westworld can’t see the bear thesis (because in the movie he’s programmed not to but irl it’s because there isn’t a thesis!)
“That’s not a thesis,” pulls out huge knife, “that’s a thesis.”
The gme galaxy on the cat collar says deepfuckingvalue so I think he’s saying it’s still deep value and we often made memes about the black hole of gme absorbing the rest of the market into it so maybe that’s it.
Whats in the box? What’s in the box??? (What’s the plan??? RC not telegraphing his plans)
Guy looks at all the memes - she asks “is it not good?” “It is miraculous.” (That’s us loving every second of this. Thank you dfv.)
And so.. you just RAN. Forest gump runnin’ (gme gonna just keep runnin’)
you go backwards but then you go forwards again… you go backwards… then he walks out of the woods.. (are we out of the woods now? Done going backwards?)
We’ll see. The Zen philosophy story - kid breaks leg, oh that’s bad, can’t go to war, oh now it’s good etc - (I think he’s saying to be zen, we’re gonna win, but this message goes deeper:
We don’t always know what is good or bad. Breaking your leg isn’t good or bad, those are just judgements in our mind. We don’t know what the future holds. Almost anything can be a good thing or a bad thing, all we can do is accept life and how things play out without judgement.)
We’ll see.
Then the boy is saying bye to ET, the music says I’ve really enjoyed my stay, but I must be movin on. (DFV going silent again until this all plays out.)
He’s saying “we fuckin won fellas! Be zen, and we’ll see this all play out soon enough.”
I think the heavy use of good movies and music and video games may also be hinting at gamestops nft marketplace May reopen to sell those 3 things as NFTs by partnering with blockbuster and some musicians.
LFG 🚀 I’ll see you regards on the moon.
2024.05.18 22:46 SamMorrisHorror Them Devils Part 2
Scott Masterson had first met Scarlett at a rooftop party in downtown Dallas. Their age and the time of year were both in late springtime, them in their mid twenties and the date in early May. He had on a sharp yet breezy blazer and she astonished in a thigh length sleeveless blue dress.
“Oh hey Scott I don’t believe you two have met…” his then happily married friend had remarked with a slow swinging open hand toward her.
“Scott Masterson…reluctant friend to this knucklehead” he said with a tight lipped grin, trying not to be so obvious with his instant rapture.
“Scarlett…a pleasure…”
Her hand was so delicate to Scott’s touch. They locked eyes. It was like looking back through centuries of connection, endless days of laying in the sun next to the Seine River, or rising to Hollywood fame in the 1940’s and only having each other who would understand the glory and the pain of it all, or generations of quiet, simple country love that would bear such beautiful, happy children that would go on to raise beautiful, happy children, all with their dark blue eyes. Yes, the memories of every love story since the beginning of time was swirling right there in Scarlett’s irises. Scott had to catch himself before he stared embarrassingly too long.
“Sorry Scottie here doesn’t get out often” his friend quipped, which Scott appreciated actually, it helped him snap back to professionalism.
“Well I don’t either…at least I prefer not to.” Scarlett’s words flowed through the air like a flock of rose petals.
“Hey, kindred spirits.” Scott was really sensing a rising energy out of her, they had barely broken eye contact.
“Well, I’ll let you two have at it, I got a wife around here somewhere. Hey…Scott and Scarlett…not bad, not bad.” His friend exited stage right with a sly chuckle.
“Nice guy…so…what are you drinking, Scarlett?” Scott looked around for the emptiest corner of the rooftop bar, hoping to find a nice place for them to be able to hear each other. This night had just become something.
“That depends, Scott…what do you like?”
Oh man.
Well, as you can expect, the evening blossomed into a beautiful, long winded conversation that etched a long list of similarities between the two. They both lived in the city, had never married, and had dreamed of stable, simpler lives far away from tall buildings and busy streets. The next morning Scott awoke in her arms, which warmed much deeper than just his skin. He could feel her soothing his very identity, his future, everything. Her arms were tailor made to fit his very soul, and he had never felt more safe and at home.
“Mmm…you can stay right here…” she whispered, eyes still closed.
“I will…I will”
They both fell back asleep, into a dream that wouldn’t end upon waking.
Two years passed and suddenly they lived that simple backwoods life, way out where acres of land far out-populated the few and far between people. They took a lovely home, which happily looked over a long backyard, right up to a lively yet mostly undisturbed river. Their only neighbor within a mile was an older ranch worker named Charles, who rarely made himself perceivable. Days were spent way on into town where they both had offices. They didn’t mind the commute. Nights were spent mostly like this night, cuddled outside near a lovely little fire, with a slowly shrinking amount of wine sitting between them. Enjoying their Kingdom. Tonight, however, would prove to be a special night, for many reasons, all unexpected.
“Honey, I’ve been thinking…” Scott began, sitting up and opening his hands to the warmth of the fire.
“Oh?” Scarlett also sat up, eyes widening.
“So look, Scarlett, the last two years have been the best of my life. An absolute dream…”
She held her breath, her focus darting between his eyes and mouth.
“Yeah?”
“We have everything we ever want out here. But…what if there’s more?”
“More?” She had envisioned this very conversation hundreds of times.
“Our dreams have come true, but what if we…made some new dreams?” Scott turned and embedded his eyes into hers. He burst into a big smile.
“Scott…I thought…”
“Nevermind what I said” he cut her off, which he always made a point to never do, but this was a good exception.
“I’m ready, Scarlett…let’s have a family.”
“Ohhhh Scott, oh Scott”
They hugged tight enough to where it hurt.
“Well, in that case, we may need to open another bottle.” She said playfully, bouncing her eyebrows twice.
“Excellent. I’ll be right up. I’ll put this fire out and then start yours up.”
“Oh stop!” She bounded away girlishly, up the snowy back steps and into the house.
Scott let out a big sigh that he could see in the cold air and sat back in his chair, taking in his decision. He really was ready. He had secretly been keeping a long list of names that he liked and that he thought would work in front of Masterson. Especially little girl names. He stared into the campfire flames, getting lost imagining the three of them sitting right here, a little girl resting securely in Scarlett’s arms, as Scott had found himself, and stayed within these past two years.
Suddenly his trance was broken when, from the road in front of their house, came the sound of a vehicle approaching at high speed. Scott snapped his head back toward the house to get a better listen. He could see, around the house and through the trees, a large truck barreling down the country road, its headlights racing and bouncing with intensity. In an instant, it had passed up the road and out of sight.
“Huh?”
Soon, after a moment of silence, another sound echoed into the night. This sound rattled Scott to the bone and tore all that was right in his world into pieces. A sharp, bellowing squeal. His eyes shot over to his neighbors house, which was about a tenth of a mile to his right but still had a couple dim lights on that he could see. The shriek seemed to come from there.
Then, more squeals. It was hellish. More than animal but not quite human. Scott stood up. He heard crashing and tearing and further destruction coming from Charles’ house.
“Scarlett!! Scarlett!” He yelled toward his house, where he looked and could see her silhouette behind the curtains at the kitchen window. She didn’t seem to hear him.
He turned back toward his neighbors. The chaos had gone quiet. Not a half a moment after, though, he heard something big barreling through the trees as fast as that truck had been sprinting. Running, running furiously between the two houses. Searching, hunting. Scott was taken aback so hard that his heel had caught the edge of the fire pit, throwing him down only inches away from severe burns. He had knocked his head in the whiplash, making him groan and take a moment to regain his bearings.
“SCARLETT!!!!”
He screamed out toward his home as he sat up, rubbing a quickly rising bump on the back of his head. He heard a loud breaching on the side of his house. The patio door. No. No. Then, all hell broke loose. Scarlett started wailing and crying and he could hear crashes of plates and glasses and deep guttural roars coming from the kitchen inside. Shadows danced in a frenzy from the curtained windows. Sounds of instinctual survival seemed to be thrown from Scarlett inside. Sounds of defeat. Sounds of agony. Sounds of insanity. Scott sprang to his feet, his equilibrium being more damaged than he realized after his fall. He had to catch his hand on a chair to stabilize himself. Scarlett’s symphony of pain had gone quiet. Soon after something burst back out the patio door again and off in the same direction as that truck before.
Scott struggled back up to the house, slowly climbing the wintered, crunching stairs that led to the patio. He no longer yelled for Scarlett. In fact, the only thing that came to his senses was the sound of his own heavy breathing. Everything else had been turned off, save for a heavy and sudden dread that he had prayed he would never feel. He came to the side of his house where indeed the patio door had been busted and forced open. It laid inside the kitchen, its hinges snapped like toothpicks. Scott, with eyes wide and twitching, slowly entered his home and looked into the kitchen.
He didn’t scream. He didn’t even change his breathing. He didn’t blink. He just got a good long look at what laid before him.
Everything was broken. The fridge was on its side, the door hanging open and food and drink scattered all over the floor. The table was upended, its legs to the ceiling. A chair was resting on the counter, possibly having been thrown in defense. And Scarlett. Oh Scarlett. She…was…everywhere. She was all over the floor. She was sprayed against the walls. She was stuck to the window. She was in the sink.
Scott gently walked through the carnal mess and sabotage of his world. Long ago he had known exactly what he would do if something anywhere near this bad were to happen to him. He politely stumbled through the kitchen, down the hall, and into the bedroom. He opened his closet door and lowered a fire safe from the top rack. He unlocked it with a passcode. 511, after that warm May date when he had first met Scarlett. In the safe was a Sig Sauer P320 handgun. Scott took it out, along with a box of bullets, loaded one into the gun, put the safe back on its rack, and walked out of the closet, sitting on his bed. Their bed. Where they should’ve been laying right at this very moment, working toward a happy future. Where he would’ve kissed her forehead and put a hand on her growing midsection. Where they would have awoken on Christmas morning to the sound of children who were way too excited to remain asleep. Where they would’ve grown old. Where they would’ve smiled at each other through wrinkles, satisfied with all the love they shared and passed on to the next generations. Where they would’ve held each other in deep peace as they finally fell asleep to this world.
“I will…I will”
In one quick motion Scott pulled back the hammer and stuck the barrel of that pistol right up against his Governor and blew himself away, far away, right back into Scarlett’s loving arms.
Jeremy “Smallmouth” Bassett quickly yet stealthily made his way back to his Uncle’s house. He hugged the sides of the dark country road, keeping his eyes and ears wide open as to notice any sounds pertaining to the event that he had just witnessed there in the field next to the huge blaze. His only thought was Uncle Chuck. His house was right on the warpath of that horrible thing and Smallmouth had to go to him and make sure he was safe. He dared not go back to his truck, which would bring a lot of unwanted attention. No, Smallmouth walked and walked and finally saw the lights of his Uncle’s house. He carefully approached the front door from the shadowed driveway. Suddenly it occurred to Smallmouth that something was very wrong here. The door was busted in, having been plowed through by something very large and very strong.
“No…no…no”
Smallmouth slowly entered the house. The kitchen and living room were a disaster, chairs and tables and bottles strewn about and shattered. Bloody hoof-prints covered the floors, each of them the size of dinner plates. Smallmouth heard no noise. He felt himself well with tears, his nose a faucet that he began to sniff up as he worked his way through to his Uncle’s room, the door there also being broken in. A small whine growing in his throat, Smallmouth peaked into his uncles bedroom.
It was all in tatters. The bed had been attacked and shredded, the mattress being ripped up and thrown about as if it were made of cotton candy. More bloody hoof-prints were painted all over the brown carpet. Smallmouth trembled and put a hand up to his wet face. He didn’t see a way that his Uncle was anywhere near alive, knowing what he knew about the monster that had been in this house.
Smallmouth slowly walked to the living room, to the only little table that had been untouched in the attack. It was almost as if the bottle of whiskey teleported into his hand from the overturned cabinet, unopened. He fixed that real quick.
Soon he was several pulls deep of the only thing in the world that he knew would make him feel better, even if only for a few hours. He found his pack of cigarettes in his coat pocket and lit one up, although he was indoors. What did it matter? He sat in a chair that he had turned right side up and set the bottle on the table and looked out the back window into the pitch black. He cried for his Uncle and he cried for the world. He cried for himself. He cried for broken promises and his own weakness. He drank and drank until his vision shook from right to left everywhere he looked. At first he didn’t even notice the figures on the back porch. Then his vibrating focus did pick up on them, but by then it was too late. It was so dark out there but in their outlines he could see they wore long robes and hoods.
“HA!! COME AND GET ME! HAHA!! YOU COME AND YOU GET ME!!” Smallmouth boasted with a delusional amount of courage.
A creak escaped from the kitchen and he drunkenly slung his head over toward it. Three more figures stood there. Or was it just one? Smallmouth was none the wiser. All at once the hooded intruders from both inside and outside began to chant a strange, twisted rhyme in strikingly low and dissonant harmony:
“A sliver…of liver…goes down…with a shiver… …and gives…your gullet…to gall… …but drink…the Cider…that drowns…the Spider… …and you…will be free…of it all… …so tighten the grip…that loosens your lips… …O raise…the bottle…of brown… …and wake tomorrow…to find…in sorrow… …ANOTHER…SPIDER…TO…DROWN”
Smallmouth groaned at them in dissatisfaction and turned his bottle up again and began to chug the whiskey. As he did they repeated the chant except this time it was louder and closer. By the time Smallmouth had finished his bottle he was quickly losing consciousness. This wasn’t just whiskey. As he closed his eyes he felt hands grabbing him from all sides.
Smallmouth pulled open his sticky eyelids. His head felt like someone had bowled a strike into it. Wind froze his face. The smell of sickly, wet iron stung his nostrils. His vantage was higher than usual. Way higher. He was looking out into another field, but from easily ten feet up. He saw an old church, formerly painted white but now a flaky pale-beige. He heard the friction of a quick pull of rope below him, matched with a slight, tight pain at his feet. He looked down. A red-robed figure was fastening him against a wooden structure of some kind. His feet sat on a small flat platform perpendicular to a post that went from the ground up past smallmouths head. He couldn’t move his arms, so he quickly shot his eyes side to side. They were also tied to another horizontal post. A cross. He was being tied to a crude wooden cross. His shirt had been removed, exposing a hairy, overweight belly. Smallmouth tried to speak, but all that came out was a slow, unintelligible grumble. He was still drunk. No, this was more than that. He was under the influence of something strong and absolutely inhibitive. He wallowed again, and took in a deep breath. The smell of iron once again hit his nose. He looked down at himself. He was covered in a thick, red liquid. That wasn’t just the smell of iron. He had been splashed full body with blood.
“Now now, young servant…” the figure at his feet had finished his task and took a couple of steps out to admire his own handiwork.
“Ahh…perfect. The picture of martyrdom. Yes, you will always be remembered, Brother Bassett. You are to be the first Saint of The New Bible.” He opened his arms in his declaration.
Smallmouth looked up into the cold night sky. The moon shown down, giving everything a midnight spotlight. It was a gorgeous waxing gibbous, big and bright but not quite full. Yes, he was in a great big snowy field that housed an old worn down church. From the windows of the church he saw candles glowing, showing dark heads and shoulders looking out to him, also covered in loose hoods, hiding faces. He was hanging on a cross about one hundred feet from the old church. In front of the cross was a partially covered pit, a couple of two by fours supporting double armfuls of branches and dead leaves.
The figure at the base of the cross put his arms back to his side. He was still looking right at the drugged Smallmouth’s dumbstruck face. Even with a veiled mouth you could hear the twisted smile in his voice.
“Tonight you will help us finally defeat this legion, Smallmouth. You see, it may have the evil spirits within it, but at its core, it is still an owned animal. An animal that knows its Master very well. An animal that will remember the smell of its Master. You, my friend, are covered in its Master right now. And you are hanging on a cross, the symbol of this brute’s most hated enemy. But take heart, young Brother. Before you is our pit of spears. Yes you will attract the beast, but our Divine plan will intercept it and the beast will fall and be pierced. And then, oh dear brother, you will forever be immortalized. You will be purified in fire by the hands of your church brethren. Out of your screams and into the smoke the iniquities of all will be released. We will go on to preach your good example and your sainthood forever and ever.”
Smallmouth began to drool and hum pathetically. He could hear and understand the words of the robed man but he couldn’t fight back. His body was useless, limp inside its rope confines. All he could do now is think, and watch, and wait, and dread his fate.
The figure turned away from him, walking over near the pit and gathering up a bundle of brambles and throwing them over the last open area, covering it completely. He then crunched through the snow over to the front door of the old church, groaning open the door. He stood at the dark doorway for a few seconds in silence, and then began to make a noise. An over exaggerated pig squealing noise, high pitched and infuriating. Soon after other voices from inside the church began to do the same, their wailing echoing out of the building and all across the field, loudly signaling, calling out. It may as well have been a dinner bell. Not a half minute after they began the distress signal it was loudly answered by a distant squall. A furious squall.
This was it. Either way it happened Smallmouth was about to die. Experience terror, and then die, and not even have the ability to put up any kind of defense. It wasn’t fair. He just slowly lifted up his head and watched out far into the moonlit, white field. He then raised his heavy head further and took a good gander at the moon and stars for the last time.
“God,” he thought to himself, still having full inner monologue yet no outer motor function, “I am so sorry. I am so sorry for being what I am. I am so sorry for ending up in this place. It’s only my own fault. If it wasn’t for me being so stupid and messy and drunk and terrible then this wouldnt be happening to me.”
He began to shed tears that washed lines into the blood on his face.
“Please forgive me God. Please, please, please forgive me for all of my sins. This is it. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!” He yelled inside his own mind, hoping and trying to send his silent words as far up into heaven as they could go.
He lowered his eyes back to the ground. He looked over at the church again. The windows were empty, the candles were extinguished. Those hooded cowards were hiding from their own handmade sacrificial service. All was quiet for a long pause until a much louder, closer bleating began at the edge of the forest not even three hundred feet away from Smallmouth’s glazed over eyes. It was time, and it was too late for a miracle.
Out of the woods, slowly and heavily, stomped the massive hog. As it marched closer and closer Smallmouth could see its white, boiled over eyes and black-burnt skin. Its jaws were flying open and snapping its sharp, pocket knife-sized teeth together in an intimidating “clack”. It was now less than a hundred feet away, the dark old church to its right shoulder. It stopped, its pale glowing eyes fixed right on Smallmouth on the crude cross. It truly was a monster. It stood as tall as a man and as long as a canoe. Around its murderous mouth were stains of red, the remnants of all that it had taken from the world on this unholy night. In its clanging jaws were bits of flesh. It snorted and scowled.
Then, in a fury, it wailed that horrible squeal and started off into a dead sprint. It galloped and galloped toward Smallmouth at a high, blistering speed. It kept yawping and howling as it cut the distance from the cross down to fifty feet, forty feet, thirty, twenty. All at once it passed over the covered pit and plunged in. In his doomed, dead eyed stupor Smallmouth could hear what sounded like paint being dumped from a rooftop onto concrete. Trails of black liquid squirted and splashed up from the pit, which had been uncovered in the fall of the beast. Unbelieving, Smallmouth saw dozens of steel spear tips standing up from the dug-in ground. Right in the middle of them the beast was stuck. The sheer weight of the animal had caused the spears to pierce through its tough skin, sticking out of its back, soaked in black blood. One spear had stabbed right under the hogs chin, passing up through its jaws and out its black snout. It made agonized sounds. It roared and roared and shook the spears inside it, beginning furiously, then growing weaker and weaker within seconds. Finally, it let out one last weak little squeal, before it went still and quiet.
Smallmouth was frozen both physically by drugs and constraints and mentally by shock. His mouth hung open toward the pit of spears, his vision blurry. He took in a deep, troubled breath and let out a moan of disbelief and relief. The old church doors sprang open, and the sound of jubilation within flowed out into the night. The red robed figures flocked out of the building toward the pit, arms raised in celebration. They surrounded the hole, getting a good look at their success and their enemies defeat. Some held additional spears and began further stabbing the dead animal, causing more black blood to be shed up at them. They all yelled loudly and triumphantly. Some danced around the pit. Some skipped over to Smallmouth on the cross and danced around him, slapping his legs and spinning in circles.
Smallmouth looked on at the raucous celebration, both in utter disbelief of their trap actually working and also in turmoil. How long now until they fully execute their plan.
A taller robed man, whose voice matched the same one who spoke to Smallmouth as he tied his feet, spoke up, sounding almost happily intoxicated.
“Ahh yes my Brothers!! It is done!! We have won!!!”
They all whooped and cheered.
“Brother Norman, go into the church and bring me the small tank of fuel. Let us send our dear Saint Bassett to the Holy lands, where he will be adored for all eternity!”
They all clapped and hollered. One figure began childishly skipping away from the pit and over toward the front door of the church.
Then, it happened.
From the pit all of a sudden a great blaze erupted instantly. It stood as tall as the cross, and it burned a furious red and blue. It raged and raged, blinding Smallmouth and making him clumsily turn his face away from the heat.
All of the figures panicked, screaming and scattering away toward the church. They didn’t get far. Up from the fiery pit, dozens of long, long, black arms, adorned with six hooking claws emerged and stretched out of the flames and latched on to the legs of those trying to escape. Smallmouth heard crying and wailing from the men as the black, razor clawed-hands of the legion grabbed them and began pulling them back, into the blazes. One by one the red robed people were dragged into the flames, their clothes catching instantly. Smallmouth could see violently shaking bodies in the evil furnace. Oh, the screams. Above the tortured howling, the sound of laughing broke out. Deep, menacing laughter, hundreds of voices, echoed up into the air from the burning hole. Then, in one extinguishing squeeze, the ground swallowed the entirety of the fiery pit, leaving it completely covered in dirt, still and quiet. Soon after, and just like the pit of spears, the old church building caught in an instant and raging fire, quickly toppling the walls and dropping the steeple into its ruins. The smoke towered high in the night sky, which had just began to hint at a pale morning blue. Smallmouth hung on his cross in utter horror and surprise.
As the late evening hours glowed into early morning the smoke eventually tapered off, as Smallmouth’s drugs finally began to wear off as well. The fires of the church did garner long distance attention, though. Just as Smallmouth was able to regain control of his muscles and voice he heard emergency sirens call out into the cold morning air. Not long after, two fire trucks, an ambulance and a sheriffs truck tore into the field and toward Smallmouth on the cross. Not long after Smallmouth could feel the tied ropes being cut loose by firemen, their uniforms easily the best red clothes he had seen all night.
“What on God’s green Earth happened here son?” A bearded man with a dark hat and brown shirt and pants asked Smallmouth once he had been lowered down from the cross and sat on the ground with a shock blanket around his shoulders. The Sheriff, no doubt.
“God’s green Earth. It really is God’s, isn’t it?” Smallmouth whispered, staring out across the cold field. Then, at the very place he was staring, an old, familiar truck came barreling out of the gravel road in the woods and through the field in the steadily growing morning light. It was Uncle Chuck’s truck. It hurried over toward the other emergency vehicles, parked, the driver’s side door burst open, and Uncle Chuck came bounding out over to Smallmouth, his eyes wide and his mouth a wonderfully shocked “O”.
“JEREMY! JEREMY!!!” He basically fell on Smallmouth in a tight, warm hug. Smallmouth was caught off guard by Chuck using his real name.
His Uncle held him for several seconds and then let up, but kept his hands on Smallmouth’s shoulders.
“I thought you were dead.” Both of them said at almost the exact same time.
“I came back and your house was a mess and there was blood everywhere. I thought you were dead.” Smallmouth weakly spat out.
“Well, I woke up and you were gone, son, so I walked to the ranch to get my truck. I was worried bout ya son. I came back home and the whole place had been turned upside down. Blood on the carpet. I just thought the worst. Then I tried my neighbors house. Buddy, they’re dead. Looks like some wacko murder-suicide if I ever saw one. Scott probably tried to come kill us too and wrecked the place when he found it empty. I don’t know. But what I DO know is that you are right here! You are okay Jeremy!! Ahhh Praise Jesus!!”
“It’s not that, Uncle. That isn’t what happened out here. It’s..it was a..a, uh…”
Smallmouth’s fried brain couldn’t even comprehend what he had witnessed over the past few hours. It was all a violent blur.
“Dont worry bout it son, you can tell me everything on the way to the hospital. We gotta go get you checked out and cleaned up. C’mon.” He helped Smallmouth up and they walked over to the ambulance, his Uncle’s arm thrown around his shoulder.
Smallmouth would be sent home later that afternoon. It would take him and his Uncle a long time to sort through the chaos of that deadly night and rebuild their lives. But life kept on. Smallmouth would remain living with his Uncle, and would begin a job working with him down at the ranch. Together they started to attend a local church. Smallmouth never touched a drink or a drug or even a cigarette ever again, and remained steadfast in his newly revitalized faith.
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“Oh hey Scott I don’t believe you two have met…” his then happily married friend had remarked with a slow swinging open hand toward her.
“Scott Masterson…reluctant friend to this knucklehead” he said with a tight lipped grin, trying not to be so obvious with his instant rapture.
“Scarlett…a pleasure…”
Her hand was so delicate to Scott’s touch. They locked eyes. It was like looking back through centuries of connection, endless days of laying in the sun next to the Seine River, or rising to Hollywood fame in the 1940’s and only having each other who would understand the glory and the pain of it all, or generations of quiet, simple country love that would bear such beautiful, happy children that would go on to raise beautiful, happy children, all with their dark blue eyes. Yes, the memories of every love story since the beginning of time was swirling right there in Scarlett’s irises. Scott had to catch himself before he stared embarrassingly too long.
“Sorry Scottie here doesn’t get out often” his friend quipped, which Scott appreciated actually, it helped him snap back to professionalism.
“Well I don’t either…at least I prefer not to.” Scarlett’s words flowed through the air like a flock of rose petals.
“Hey, kindred spirits.” Scott was really sensing a rising energy out of her, they had barely broken eye contact.
“Well, I’ll let you two have at it, I got a wife around here somewhere. Hey…Scott and Scarlett…not bad, not bad.” His friend exited stage right with a sly chuckle.
“Nice guy…so…what are you drinking, Scarlett?” Scott looked around for the emptiest corner of the rooftop bar, hoping to find a nice place for them to be able to hear each other. This night had just become something.
“That depends, Scott…what do you like?”
Oh man.
Well, as you can expect, the evening blossomed into a beautiful, long winded conversation that etched a long list of similarities between the two. They both lived in the city, had never married, and had dreamed of stable, simpler lives far away from tall buildings and busy streets. The next morning Scott awoke in her arms, which warmed much deeper than just his skin. He could feel her soothing his very identity, his future, everything. Her arms were tailor made to fit his very soul, and he had never felt more safe and at home.
“Mmm…you can stay right here…” she whispered, eyes still closed.
“I will…I will”
They both fell back asleep, into a dream that wouldn’t end upon waking.
Two years passed and suddenly they lived that simple backwoods life, way out where acres of land far out-populated the few and far between people. They took a lovely home, which happily looked over a long backyard, right up to a lively yet mostly undisturbed river. Their only neighbor within a mile was an older ranch worker named Charles, who rarely made himself perceivable. Days were spent way on into town where they both had offices. They didn’t mind the commute. Nights were spent mostly like this night, cuddled outside near a lovely little fire, with a slowly shrinking amount of wine sitting between them. Enjoying their Kingdom. Tonight, however, would prove to be a special night, for many reasons, all unexpected.
“Honey, I’ve been thinking…” Scott began, sitting up and opening his hands to the warmth of the fire.
“Oh?” Scarlett also sat up, eyes widening.
“So look, Scarlett, the last two years have been the best of my life. An absolute dream…”
She held her breath, her focus darting between his eyes and mouth.
“Yeah?”
“We have everything we ever want out here. But…what if there’s more?”
“More?” She had envisioned this very conversation hundreds of times.
“Our dreams have come true, but what if we…made some new dreams?” Scott turned and embedded his eyes into hers. He burst into a big smile.
“Scott…I thought…”
“Nevermind what I said” he cut her off, which he always made a point to never do, but this was a good exception.
“I’m ready, Scarlett…let’s have a family.”
“Ohhhh Scott, oh Scott”
They hugged tight enough to where it hurt.
“Well, in that case, we may need to open another bottle.” She said playfully, bouncing her eyebrows twice.
“Excellent. I’ll be right up. I’ll put this fire out and then start yours up.”
“Oh stop!” She bounded away girlishly, up the snowy back steps and into the house.
Scott let out a big sigh that he could see in the cold air and sat back in his chair, taking in his decision. He really was ready. He had secretly been keeping a long list of names that he liked and that he thought would work in front of Masterson. Especially little girl names. He stared into the campfire flames, getting lost imagining the three of them sitting right here, a little girl resting securely in Scarlett’s arms, as Scott had found himself, and stayed within these past two years.
Suddenly his trance was broken when, from the road in front of their house, came the sound of a vehicle approaching at high speed. Scott snapped his head back toward the house to get a better listen. He could see, around the house and through the trees, a large truck barreling down the country road, its headlights racing and bouncing with intensity. In an instant, it had passed up the road and out of sight.
“Huh?”
Soon, after a moment of silence, another sound echoed into the night. This sound rattled Scott to the bone and tore all that was right in his world into pieces. A sharp, bellowing squeal. His eyes shot over to his neighbors house, which was about a tenth of a mile to his right but still had a couple dim lights on that he could see. The shriek seemed to come from there.
Then, more squeals. It was hellish. More than animal but not quite human. Scott stood up. He heard crashing and tearing and further destruction coming from Charles’ house.
“Scarlett!! Scarlett!” He yelled toward his house, where he looked and could see her silhouette behind the curtains at the kitchen window. She didn’t seem to hear him.
He turned back toward his neighbors. The chaos had gone quiet. Not a half a moment after, though, he heard something big barreling through the trees as fast as that truck had been sprinting. Running, running furiously between the two houses. Searching, hunting. Scott was taken aback so hard that his heel had caught the edge of the fire pit, throwing him down only inches away from severe burns. He had knocked his head in the whiplash, making him groan and take a moment to regain his bearings.
“SCARLETT!!!!”
He screamed out toward his home as he sat up, rubbing a quickly rising bump on the back of his head. He heard a loud breaching on the side of his house. The patio door. No. No. Then, all hell broke loose. Scarlett started wailing and crying and he could hear crashes of plates and glasses and deep guttural roars coming from the kitchen inside. Shadows danced in a frenzy from the curtained windows. Sounds of instinctual survival seemed to be thrown from Scarlett inside. Sounds of defeat. Sounds of agony. Sounds of insanity. Scott sprang to his feet, his equilibrium being more damaged than he realized after his fall. He had to catch his hand on a chair to stabilize himself. Scarlett’s symphony of pain had gone quiet. Soon after something burst back out the patio door again and off in the same direction as that truck before.
Scott struggled back up to the house, slowly climbing the wintered, crunching stairs that led to the patio. He no longer yelled for Scarlett. In fact, the only thing that came to his senses was the sound of his own heavy breathing. Everything else had been turned off, save for a heavy and sudden dread that he had prayed he would never feel. He came to the side of his house where indeed the patio door had been busted and forced open. It laid inside the kitchen, its hinges snapped like toothpicks. Scott, with eyes wide and twitching, slowly entered his home and looked into the kitchen.
He didn’t scream. He didn’t even change his breathing. He didn’t blink. He just got a good long look at what laid before him.
Everything was broken. The fridge was on its side, the door hanging open and food and drink scattered all over the floor. The table was upended, its legs to the ceiling. A chair was resting on the counter, possibly having been thrown in defense. And Scarlett. Oh Scarlett. She…was…everywhere. She was all over the floor. She was sprayed against the walls. She was stuck to the window. She was in the sink.
Scott gently walked through the carnal mess and sabotage of his world. Long ago he had known exactly what he would do if something anywhere near this bad were to happen to him. He politely stumbled through the kitchen, down the hall, and into the bedroom. He opened his closet door and lowered a fire safe from the top rack. He unlocked it with a passcode. 511, after that warm May date when he had first met Scarlett. In the safe was a Sig Sauer P320 handgun. Scott took it out, along with a box of bullets, loaded one into the gun, put the safe back on its rack, and walked out of the closet, sitting on his bed. Their bed. Where they should’ve been laying right at this very moment, working toward a happy future. Where he would’ve kissed her forehead and put a hand on her growing midsection. Where they would have awoken on Christmas morning to the sound of children who were way too excited to remain asleep. Where they would’ve grown old. Where they would’ve smiled at each other through wrinkles, satisfied with all the love they shared and passed on to the next generations. Where they would’ve held each other in deep peace as they finally fell asleep to this world.
“I will…I will”
In one quick motion Scott pulled back the hammer and stuck the barrel of that pistol right up against his Governor and blew himself away, far away, right back into Scarlett’s loving arms.
Jeremy “Smallmouth” Bassett quickly yet stealthily made his way back to his Uncle’s house. He hugged the sides of the dark country road, keeping his eyes and ears wide open as to notice any sounds pertaining to the event that he had just witnessed there in the field next to the huge blaze. His only thought was Uncle Chuck. His house was right on the warpath of that horrible thing and Smallmouth had to go to him and make sure he was safe. He dared not go back to his truck, which would bring a lot of unwanted attention. No, Smallmouth walked and walked and finally saw the lights of his Uncle’s house. He carefully approached the front door from the shadowed driveway. Suddenly it occurred to Smallmouth that something was very wrong here. The door was busted in, having been plowed through by something very large and very strong.
“No…no…no”
Smallmouth slowly entered the house. The kitchen and living room were a disaster, chairs and tables and bottles strewn about and shattered. Bloody hoof-prints covered the floors, each of them the size of dinner plates. Smallmouth heard no noise. He felt himself well with tears, his nose a faucet that he began to sniff up as he worked his way through to his Uncle’s room, the door there also being broken in. A small whine growing in his throat, Smallmouth peaked into his uncles bedroom.
It was all in tatters. The bed had been attacked and shredded, the mattress being ripped up and thrown about as if it were made of cotton candy. More bloody hoof-prints were painted all over the brown carpet. Smallmouth trembled and put a hand up to his wet face. He didn’t see a way that his Uncle was anywhere near alive, knowing what he knew about the monster that had been in this house.
Smallmouth slowly walked to the living room, to the only little table that had been untouched in the attack. It was almost as if the bottle of whiskey teleported into his hand from the overturned cabinet, unopened. He fixed that real quick.
Soon he was several pulls deep of the only thing in the world that he knew would make him feel better, even if only for a few hours. He found his pack of cigarettes in his coat pocket and lit one up, although he was indoors. What did it matter? He sat in a chair that he had turned right side up and set the bottle on the table and looked out the back window into the pitch black. He cried for his Uncle and he cried for the world. He cried for himself. He cried for broken promises and his own weakness. He drank and drank until his vision shook from right to left everywhere he looked. At first he didn’t even notice the figures on the back porch. Then his vibrating focus did pick up on them, but by then it was too late. It was so dark out there but in their outlines he could see they wore long robes and hoods.
“HA!! COME AND GET ME! HAHA!! YOU COME AND YOU GET ME!!” Smallmouth boasted with a delusional amount of courage.
A creak escaped from the kitchen and he drunkenly slung his head over toward it. Three more figures stood there. Or was it just one? Smallmouth was none the wiser. All at once the hooded intruders from both inside and outside began to chant a strange, twisted rhyme in strikingly low and dissonant harmony:
“A sliver…of liver…goes down…with a shiver… …and gives…your gullet…to gall… …but drink…the Cider…that drowns…the Spider… …and you…will be free…of it all… …so tighten the grip…that loosens your lips… …O raise…the bottle…of brown… …and wake tomorrow…to find…in sorrow… …ANOTHER…SPIDER…TO…DROWN”
Smallmouth groaned at them in dissatisfaction and turned his bottle up again and began to chug the whiskey. As he did they repeated the chant except this time it was louder and closer. By the time Smallmouth had finished his bottle he was quickly losing consciousness. This wasn’t just whiskey. As he closed his eyes he felt hands grabbing him from all sides.
Smallmouth pulled open his sticky eyelids. His head felt like someone had bowled a strike into it. Wind froze his face. The smell of sickly, wet iron stung his nostrils. His vantage was higher than usual. Way higher. He was looking out into another field, but from easily ten feet up. He saw an old church, formerly painted white but now a flaky pale-beige. He heard the friction of a quick pull of rope below him, matched with a slight, tight pain at his feet. He looked down. A red-robed figure was fastening him against a wooden structure of some kind. His feet sat on a small flat platform perpendicular to a post that went from the ground up past smallmouths head. He couldn’t move his arms, so he quickly shot his eyes side to side. They were also tied to another horizontal post. A cross. He was being tied to a crude wooden cross. His shirt had been removed, exposing a hairy, overweight belly. Smallmouth tried to speak, but all that came out was a slow, unintelligible grumble. He was still drunk. No, this was more than that. He was under the influence of something strong and absolutely inhibitive. He wallowed again, and took in a deep breath. The smell of iron once again hit his nose. He looked down at himself. He was covered in a thick, red liquid. That wasn’t just the smell of iron. He had been splashed full body with blood.
“Now now, young servant…” the figure at his feet had finished his task and took a couple of steps out to admire his own handiwork.
“Ahh…perfect. The picture of martyrdom. Yes, you will always be remembered, Brother Bassett. You are to be the first Saint of The New Bible.” He opened his arms in his declaration.
Smallmouth looked up into the cold night sky. The moon shown down, giving everything a midnight spotlight. It was a gorgeous waxing gibbous, big and bright but not quite full. Yes, he was in a great big snowy field that housed an old worn down church. From the windows of the church he saw candles glowing, showing dark heads and shoulders looking out to him, also covered in loose hoods, hiding faces. He was hanging on a cross about one hundred feet from the old church. In front of the cross was a partially covered pit, a couple of two by fours supporting double armfuls of branches and dead leaves.
The figure at the base of the cross put his arms back to his side. He was still looking right at the drugged Smallmouth’s dumbstruck face. Even with a veiled mouth you could hear the twisted smile in his voice.
“Tonight you will help us finally defeat this legion, Smallmouth. You see, it may have the evil spirits within it, but at its core, it is still an owned animal. An animal that knows its Master very well. An animal that will remember the smell of its Master. You, my friend, are covered in its Master right now. And you are hanging on a cross, the symbol of this brute’s most hated enemy. But take heart, young Brother. Before you is our pit of spears. Yes you will attract the beast, but our Divine plan will intercept it and the beast will fall and be pierced. And then, oh dear brother, you will forever be immortalized. You will be purified in fire by the hands of your church brethren. Out of your screams and into the smoke the iniquities of all will be released. We will go on to preach your good example and your sainthood forever and ever.”
Smallmouth began to drool and hum pathetically. He could hear and understand the words of the robed man but he couldn’t fight back. His body was useless, limp inside its rope confines. All he could do now is think, and watch, and wait, and dread his fate.
The figure turned away from him, walking over near the pit and gathering up a bundle of brambles and throwing them over the last open area, covering it completely. He then crunched through the snow over to the front door of the old church, groaning open the door. He stood at the dark doorway for a few seconds in silence, and then began to make a noise. An over exaggerated pig squealing noise, high pitched and infuriating. Soon after other voices from inside the church began to do the same, their wailing echoing out of the building and all across the field, loudly signaling, calling out. It may as well have been a dinner bell. Not a half minute after they began the distress signal it was loudly answered by a distant squall. A furious squall.
This was it. Either way it happened Smallmouth was about to die. Experience terror, and then die, and not even have the ability to put up any kind of defense. It wasn’t fair. He just slowly lifted up his head and watched out far into the moonlit, white field. He then raised his heavy head further and took a good gander at the moon and stars for the last time.
“God,” he thought to himself, still having full inner monologue yet no outer motor function, “I am so sorry. I am so sorry for being what I am. I am so sorry for ending up in this place. It’s only my own fault. If it wasn’t for me being so stupid and messy and drunk and terrible then this wouldnt be happening to me.”
He began to shed tears that washed lines into the blood on his face.
“Please forgive me God. Please, please, please forgive me for all of my sins. This is it. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!” He yelled inside his own mind, hoping and trying to send his silent words as far up into heaven as they could go.
He lowered his eyes back to the ground. He looked over at the church again. The windows were empty, the candles were extinguished. Those hooded cowards were hiding from their own handmade sacrificial service. All was quiet for a long pause until a much louder, closer bleating began at the edge of the forest not even three hundred feet away from Smallmouth’s glazed over eyes. It was time, and it was too late for a miracle.
Out of the woods, slowly and heavily, stomped the massive hog. As it marched closer and closer Smallmouth could see its white, boiled over eyes and black-burnt skin. Its jaws were flying open and snapping its sharp, pocket knife-sized teeth together in an intimidating “clack”. It was now less than a hundred feet away, the dark old church to its right shoulder. It stopped, its pale glowing eyes fixed right on Smallmouth on the crude cross. It truly was a monster. It stood as tall as a man and as long as a canoe. Around its murderous mouth were stains of red, the remnants of all that it had taken from the world on this unholy night. In its clanging jaws were bits of flesh. It snorted and scowled.
Then, in a fury, it wailed that horrible squeal and started off into a dead sprint. It galloped and galloped toward Smallmouth at a high, blistering speed. It kept yawping and howling as it cut the distance from the cross down to fifty feet, forty feet, thirty, twenty. All at once it passed over the covered pit and plunged in. In his doomed, dead eyed stupor Smallmouth could hear what sounded like paint being dumped from a rooftop onto concrete. Trails of black liquid squirted and splashed up from the pit, which had been uncovered in the fall of the beast. Unbelieving, Smallmouth saw dozens of steel spear tips standing up from the dug-in ground. Right in the middle of them the beast was stuck. The sheer weight of the animal had caused the spears to pierce through its tough skin, sticking out of its back, soaked in black blood. One spear had stabbed right under the hogs chin, passing up through its jaws and out its black snout. It made agonized sounds. It roared and roared and shook the spears inside it, beginning furiously, then growing weaker and weaker within seconds. Finally, it let out one last weak little squeal, before it went still and quiet.
Smallmouth was frozen both physically by drugs and constraints and mentally by shock. His mouth hung open toward the pit of spears, his vision blurry. He took in a deep, troubled breath and let out a moan of disbelief and relief. The old church doors sprang open, and the sound of jubilation within flowed out into the night. The red robed figures flocked out of the building toward the pit, arms raised in celebration. They surrounded the hole, getting a good look at their success and their enemies defeat. Some held additional spears and began further stabbing the dead animal, causing more black blood to be shed up at them. They all yelled loudly and triumphantly. Some danced around the pit. Some skipped over to Smallmouth on the cross and danced around him, slapping his legs and spinning in circles.
Smallmouth looked on at the raucous celebration, both in utter disbelief of their trap actually working and also in turmoil. How long now until they fully execute their plan.
A taller robed man, whose voice matched the same one who spoke to Smallmouth as he tied his feet, spoke up, sounding almost happily intoxicated.
“Ahh yes my Brothers!! It is done!! We have won!!!”
They all whooped and cheered.
“Brother Norman, go into the church and bring me the small tank of fuel. Let us send our dear Saint Bassett to the Holy lands, where he will be adored for all eternity!”
They all clapped and hollered. One figure began childishly skipping away from the pit and over toward the front door of the church.
Then, it happened.
From the pit all of a sudden a great blaze erupted instantly. It stood as tall as the cross, and it burned a furious red and blue. It raged and raged, blinding Smallmouth and making him clumsily turn his face away from the heat.
All of the figures panicked, screaming and scattering away toward the church. They didn’t get far. Up from the fiery pit, dozens of long, long, black arms, adorned with six hooking claws emerged and stretched out of the flames and latched on to the legs of those trying to escape. Smallmouth heard crying and wailing from the men as the black, razor clawed-hands of the legion grabbed them and began pulling them back, into the blazes. One by one the red robed people were dragged into the flames, their clothes catching instantly. Smallmouth could see violently shaking bodies in the evil furnace. Oh, the screams. Above the tortured howling, the sound of laughing broke out. Deep, menacing laughter, hundreds of voices, echoed up into the air from the burning hole. Then, in one extinguishing squeeze, the ground swallowed the entirety of the fiery pit, leaving it completely covered in dirt, still and quiet. Soon after, and just like the pit of spears, the old church building caught in an instant and raging fire, quickly toppling the walls and dropping the steeple into its ruins. The smoke towered high in the night sky, which had just began to hint at a pale morning blue. Smallmouth hung on his cross in utter horror and surprise.
As the late evening hours glowed into early morning the smoke eventually tapered off, as Smallmouth’s drugs finally began to wear off as well. The fires of the church did garner long distance attention, though. Just as Smallmouth was able to regain control of his muscles and voice he heard emergency sirens call out into the cold morning air. Not long after, two fire trucks, an ambulance and a sheriffs truck tore into the field and toward Smallmouth on the cross. Not long after Smallmouth could feel the tied ropes being cut loose by firemen, their uniforms easily the best red clothes he had seen all night.
“What on God’s green Earth happened here son?” A bearded man with a dark hat and brown shirt and pants asked Smallmouth once he had been lowered down from the cross and sat on the ground with a shock blanket around his shoulders. The Sheriff, no doubt.
“God’s green Earth. It really is God’s, isn’t it?” Smallmouth whispered, staring out across the cold field. Then, at the very place he was staring, an old, familiar truck came barreling out of the gravel road in the woods and through the field in the steadily growing morning light. It was Uncle Chuck’s truck. It hurried over toward the other emergency vehicles, parked, the driver’s side door burst open, and Uncle Chuck came bounding out over to Smallmouth, his eyes wide and his mouth a wonderfully shocked “O”.
“JEREMY! JEREMY!!!” He basically fell on Smallmouth in a tight, warm hug. Smallmouth was caught off guard by Chuck using his real name.
His Uncle held him for several seconds and then let up, but kept his hands on Smallmouth’s shoulders.
“I thought you were dead.” Both of them said at almost the exact same time.
“I came back and your house was a mess and there was blood everywhere. I thought you were dead.” Smallmouth weakly spat out.
“Well, I woke up and you were gone, son, so I walked to the ranch to get my truck. I was worried bout ya son. I came back home and the whole place had been turned upside down. Blood on the carpet. I just thought the worst. Then I tried my neighbors house. Buddy, they’re dead. Looks like some wacko murder-suicide if I ever saw one. Scott probably tried to come kill us too and wrecked the place when he found it empty. I don’t know. But what I DO know is that you are right here! You are okay Jeremy!! Ahhh Praise Jesus!!”
“It’s not that, Uncle. That isn’t what happened out here. It’s..it was a..a, uh…”
Smallmouth’s fried brain couldn’t even comprehend what he had witnessed over the past few hours. It was all a violent blur.
“Dont worry bout it son, you can tell me everything on the way to the hospital. We gotta go get you checked out and cleaned up. C’mon.” He helped Smallmouth up and they walked over to the ambulance, his Uncle’s arm thrown around his shoulder.
Smallmouth would be sent home later that afternoon. It would take him and his Uncle a long time to sort through the chaos of that deadly night and rebuild their lives. But life kept on. Smallmouth would remain living with his Uncle, and would begin a job working with him down at the ranch. Together they started to attend a local church. Smallmouth never touched a drink or a drug or even a cigarette ever again, and remained steadfast in his newly revitalized faith.
2024.05.18 22:13 OrlonDogger A Witch at Midnight - Chapter 16
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When I wake up the next day, my head is swirling with questions. As I get up from my bed and go to clean myself, I can’t help but question everything! Did last night actually happen? I am pretty sure it did, but it all felt so bizarre… and wonderful! There’s a planetarium in the city, and it is magical in the most literal sense of the word! There are books on magic there, too! So I can probably start studying and learning more next time I visit!
Speaking of books… I have something to check there, don’t I?
As soon as I am out of the bathroom I go to the living room to get my pills and then, I start passing the pages of Humiko’s book. As I reach the ‘Epilogue’ section, I confirm to my horror that the words have completely disappeared.
In a panic, fearing the worst, I check my notes… oh, good, those were still here.
“What, were you fearing they would simply disappear too? Idiot.”
“Hey, with magic we really know nothing. It could have happened!”
I do feel a little silly but, yeah. For all we know, it could have happened. The point is that it didn’t!
Breathing way easier now, I sit down on one of the couches and sigh. Picking up my phone, I can confirm that it's Friday and it’s already eleven past noon. I guess this time I am justified in sleeping so much? But at the same time, I can’t help but feel a little guilty.
“Because you’re being lazy, even with your free time.”
With another deep sigh, I try to ignore the voices and just look straight up at the ceiling, tapping my chin for a moment.
How do we proceed from here?
Pelafina said I shouldn’t visit the Elysium early, because it gets full of people. I wonder how true that is… actually, I wonder how true anything she said was.
“Since when are you this distrustful?”
I don’t know. I don’t even know why I lied to her in the first place, but I just felt that this phrase, the one long complete phrase I managed to translate, is far more important than I know. I can’t share it… I actually don’t want to share anything with this lady?
“She will probably send the Cloaks if you stop cooperating though.”
That much I know, and I hate it. She has all the control over the situation!
“There’s one thing she can’t control though. She has no idea about your internet activity now, does she?”
… Good point. I have to focus on that!
I actually have to get back to GalaxyTaco, too! See what he's been doing and all that!
“But before all that, breakfast.”
Ah, right. Almost forgot… although, wouldn’t it be better to just ask for lunch at this point?
“Fair.”
Yes! Time for a burger.
“They feel blander and blander every time you buy one. Why even bother?”
Because they are still delicious, and more importantly, they are cheap and fast!
I quickly order a special Bisontian burger, with extra cheese of course, and then sit back down at the table, connecting my computer to the TER and tapping away a message at GalaxyTaco, to let them know I am up. Then, I write down my discoveries in the file I’m keeping. I’ll transcribe them to the notepad later.
I am adding the symbols (which I’ve learned are called Runes after a visit to the Elysium), meanings and effects I’ve learned. I’ve also learned that I can create Glyphs, which are combinations of Runes to create different effects. I wonder if they are phrases in the language!
Speaking of. They don’t even know it’s a language, they just seem to assume the symbols have effects and that’s it! Maybe they use it, but they haven’t fully grasped the implications yet.
That feels surprisingly shallow though. Just how much knowledge do these people have of magic? Is magic a recent discovery?
Or is there something else keeping people ignorant…?
The burger arrives not too long after I am done writing. I eat it while ruminating on the subject a bit further. They are not idiots, are they? To me, the first thing that comes to my mind when seeing symbols if they are part of a bigger language or something like that. Then again, maybe the lack of translation dissuaded them from experimenting further?
Stuff is not fitting as nicely as I wish…
I am about to write a little more when suddenly, I am added to a group in my messenger service. GalaxyTaco is alive! But not only them! There’s two other people in the conversation too.
Panic ensues, at least for a moment.
“Okay. Just keep calm.” I tell to myself. “Take a deep breath… phew… and let’s do this.”
My fingers are preparing to write some quick and tasteless introduction, when suddenly someone beats me to the punch.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: HIIIIIII!! ^0^!!
Oh no. A weeb, and a very strong one at that. I can feel her aura, her reiatsu, pushing down on me like a wave of augmented gravity. There are two chances here: I either get along real well with this person, or we hate each other on sight. There’s no middle ground among us.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: don’t be shy! :3 we’re friends here, I swear!
Well they are being real nice at least. Could be worse, they could be souseiseki.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): yo, you there?
Who the hell are these people!? I assume they are friends of GalaxyTaco, right? I really want to be patient but, damn it, new people get me nervous so easily…
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Hi there, hi! n.nUu sorry, this whole deal took me by surprise.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: ohhhh it is fine! uwu gal-kun told us everything!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: you must be so scared Dx I know I was when I got started!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Well it has certainly been a journey, heheh n.n but I’ve managed.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I found the Elysium last night so, at least there’s that!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good job, that’s a big advancement actually
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): next you gotta find the clinic, though
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: There’s a clinic too? O.o
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): yep. but we’ll explain all that later
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): i’m canny btw. cannedtea at the forum, remember me?
My face burns a little bit when remembering this guy. I wasn’t expecting to find him again so quickly.
“Gay.”
Shut up.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: the name’s Aoi! ^0^/ UwU28 at the forum!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: sorry I didn’t comment your topic, i am a bit shy xwxUu
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: It’s all fine, no worries n.n I’m Tav! But you two probably know that already
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): it bears repeating, girl. it bears repeating.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yeah! ^^/
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: alright I’m back! sorry I was seeing grandma to bed heheh
I sigh in relief, cleaning the sweat off my brow. Thanks saints, this was going to be a little too much for me to handle alone!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: oh hey gal-kun ~
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: reading up I see you’re all introduced, good good!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: now I just gotta introduce the plan to you Tav, so pay attention!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I’m ready! o.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: alright, so
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: to avoid 82’s wrath?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: canny here will be your voucher.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: huh?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: just put him in your profile and he’ll cover for you.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: And you’re okay with that, Canny? ;w; really!?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): eyeup, don’t worry girl. I gotchu.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: canny-kun and mort-sama covered for me when I just got in too :3 he’s the best!
For a moment I blink. Huh? Covered for Aoi? Does that mean they are also a Bastard Mage? What does that mean? Did they just find the link somewhere, too?
Questions for later, I guess.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Thank you so much Canny! ;w;
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): no prob bob
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): is it chill if I add you? you seem cool
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah, of course! :3 Add away! You too, Aoi-chan.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: EEEEE! Arigatou!! ^w^ <3 <3
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: oh yeah that reminds me.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: Aoi, ain’t you forgetting something?
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: ah right!!! Tavy! what are your pronouns? o.o!
What?
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: you put you’d rather not say your gender and that’s so cool! I wanna know what to call you though! uwu
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: if that’s okay of course ^.^
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: Aoi that is NOT what I meant damn it!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): nono, she’s right.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): sorry i kept callin you girl
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: not you too canny… focus!
I have never been asked that before… I mean, I have, by computers. But by people, it feels… odd.
I like it.
“You’re going to start with your delusions again?”
“They can identify as anything. Stop being so harsh!”
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: … I think I will go with she/her.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Is that okay? n.n
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): girl, don’t ask US
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): ask yourself
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): not the mean voice of anxiety, not the shit your guardians told ya
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): are YOU okay with it?
I feel the words pierce my chest for a moment. I gasp for air, my eyes opening a little more.
“This is all just play pretend. Don’t take it so much to heart.”
Shut up.
“What!?”
I said shut up. This time, this is for me. I decide this.
“You little ungrateful asshole…”
I want this. This makes me feel good and I will seize it. And you can go kiss my ass, you hear me!?
“...”
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: … Yeah. Yeah, I think I am okay with it n//n
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): atta girl
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): it’s chill to call you a girl right?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yeah yeah, I like it! n.n
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yayayay Tavy-chan! :3
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: huh. that’s unexpectedly wholesome…
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: but let’s focus! Aoi! do you have the book?
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: right here boss! o.o7
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!! has sent you bastard_recipe_book.pdf
Accept?
Huh? A pdf? I hesitate for a moment but, hell, maybe it’s magic and magic can’t get viruses or something. I just click it.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: this is the rulebook for us Bastards, don’t tell nobody about it though OoO!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: it’s a seecret~
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: A secret book… now that’s cool uwu
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): man, tav’s first secret
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): granny get the camera
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: lol
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: no but really, read it, study it well
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: it’s all vital.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: will do! I’ll print it and get to it right now
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: NO!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: TAVY-CHAN WAIT
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): wait a sec tav
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Huh? O.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: don’t print that one!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yeah you can’t print magic books, it’s risky
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): the runes can activate and shit would go boom
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Oh, okay o.o
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Man I hate reading on the computer! ;w;
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: sorry tavy-chan ;w;!! but that’s the only way!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: yeah… anyways, I gotta go to bed, real badly.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: I trust you got it from here right?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yep! n.n
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: byeeee everyone!! uwu see you in dejima!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): see you around
I sigh and slowly lean back on my chair. That was intense, way too intense… but I am smiling. Really, this is some proper progress! I finally have tools to work on my own! Maybe I can even translate some more after learning magic!
“Are you sure that’s all you’re happy about?~”
… Shut up. Don’t look too deep into the whole ‘pronoun’ thing.
I am opening the file I got when, suddenly, another message hits me.
It’s from Canny!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): hey tav
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): if you don’t wanna read it on computer you can get it physical.
Whuh?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): you said you found an elysium, was it in a library?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yeah! o.o
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): thought so
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): look through the mundane part of the library, specifically in the section where you get cooking recipes
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): see if you can find a cheap notebook that says ‘MAGIC’ in it.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): open it, say ‘jantar mantar’ to it, and that’s your ticket.
My eyes light up. A secret book, hidden under the cloak’s noses like that? That’s perfect!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): the book’s written in draconic, which basically means only mages can read the real shit and you can’t destroy it
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Wait what? O.o Draconic? Are dragons a thing here?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): not anymore they ain’t
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Aww :c
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Wait,I can’t destroy it? O.o No matter how much I try?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): i mean, you can, but it won’t do nothin
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): don’t worry about it
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ok! n.n but hey I don’t know Draconic D:!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): don’t worry about it girlie
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yay! n.n I will go get it then
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): get some other books too, in case you’re being tailed.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good luck tav
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Thank you Canny!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah! I will be on my phone so don’t send me magic stuff for a while, okay?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): gonna teach you the glyph for your phone later.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yipee!! n.n
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah hell, sorry for that úwu
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): you’re fine girl
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good luck.
I feel motivated, so motivated that I stand up immediately, close my computer, and finish my hamburger on the spot.
“Going out again!? Hah.”
I am running out of mean things to say, that’s a good sign.
“Don’t count on it.”
“You are doing great. Let’s go! The day’s young and we have notes to take!”
Yes! I don’t even notice the door in my way this time! I just go out and hop my way over to the elevator.
To the library! Again!
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When I wake up the next day, my head is swirling with questions. As I get up from my bed and go to clean myself, I can’t help but question everything! Did last night actually happen? I am pretty sure it did, but it all felt so bizarre… and wonderful! There’s a planetarium in the city, and it is magical in the most literal sense of the word! There are books on magic there, too! So I can probably start studying and learning more next time I visit!
Speaking of books… I have something to check there, don’t I?
As soon as I am out of the bathroom I go to the living room to get my pills and then, I start passing the pages of Humiko’s book. As I reach the ‘Epilogue’ section, I confirm to my horror that the words have completely disappeared.
In a panic, fearing the worst, I check my notes… oh, good, those were still here.
“What, were you fearing they would simply disappear too? Idiot.”
“Hey, with magic we really know nothing. It could have happened!”
I do feel a little silly but, yeah. For all we know, it could have happened. The point is that it didn’t!
Breathing way easier now, I sit down on one of the couches and sigh. Picking up my phone, I can confirm that it's Friday and it’s already eleven past noon. I guess this time I am justified in sleeping so much? But at the same time, I can’t help but feel a little guilty.
“Because you’re being lazy, even with your free time.”
With another deep sigh, I try to ignore the voices and just look straight up at the ceiling, tapping my chin for a moment.
How do we proceed from here?
Pelafina said I shouldn’t visit the Elysium early, because it gets full of people. I wonder how true that is… actually, I wonder how true anything she said was.
“Since when are you this distrustful?”
I don’t know. I don’t even know why I lied to her in the first place, but I just felt that this phrase, the one long complete phrase I managed to translate, is far more important than I know. I can’t share it… I actually don’t want to share anything with this lady?
“She will probably send the Cloaks if you stop cooperating though.”
That much I know, and I hate it. She has all the control over the situation!
“There’s one thing she can’t control though. She has no idea about your internet activity now, does she?”
… Good point. I have to focus on that!
I actually have to get back to GalaxyTaco, too! See what he's been doing and all that!
“But before all that, breakfast.”
Ah, right. Almost forgot… although, wouldn’t it be better to just ask for lunch at this point?
“Fair.”
Yes! Time for a burger.
“They feel blander and blander every time you buy one. Why even bother?”
Because they are still delicious, and more importantly, they are cheap and fast!
I quickly order a special Bisontian burger, with extra cheese of course, and then sit back down at the table, connecting my computer to the TER and tapping away a message at GalaxyTaco, to let them know I am up. Then, I write down my discoveries in the file I’m keeping. I’ll transcribe them to the notepad later.
I am adding the symbols (which I’ve learned are called Runes after a visit to the Elysium), meanings and effects I’ve learned. I’ve also learned that I can create Glyphs, which are combinations of Runes to create different effects. I wonder if they are phrases in the language!
Speaking of. They don’t even know it’s a language, they just seem to assume the symbols have effects and that’s it! Maybe they use it, but they haven’t fully grasped the implications yet.
That feels surprisingly shallow though. Just how much knowledge do these people have of magic? Is magic a recent discovery?
Or is there something else keeping people ignorant…?
The burger arrives not too long after I am done writing. I eat it while ruminating on the subject a bit further. They are not idiots, are they? To me, the first thing that comes to my mind when seeing symbols if they are part of a bigger language or something like that. Then again, maybe the lack of translation dissuaded them from experimenting further?
Stuff is not fitting as nicely as I wish…
I am about to write a little more when suddenly, I am added to a group in my messenger service. GalaxyTaco is alive! But not only them! There’s two other people in the conversation too.
Panic ensues, at least for a moment.
“Okay. Just keep calm.” I tell to myself. “Take a deep breath… phew… and let’s do this.”
My fingers are preparing to write some quick and tasteless introduction, when suddenly someone beats me to the punch.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: HIIIIIII!! ^0^!!
Oh no. A weeb, and a very strong one at that. I can feel her aura, her reiatsu, pushing down on me like a wave of augmented gravity. There are two chances here: I either get along real well with this person, or we hate each other on sight. There’s no middle ground among us.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: don’t be shy! :3 we’re friends here, I swear!
Well they are being real nice at least. Could be worse, they could be souseiseki.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): yo, you there?
Who the hell are these people!? I assume they are friends of GalaxyTaco, right? I really want to be patient but, damn it, new people get me nervous so easily…
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Hi there, hi! n.nUu sorry, this whole deal took me by surprise.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: ohhhh it is fine! uwu gal-kun told us everything!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: you must be so scared Dx I know I was when I got started!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Well it has certainly been a journey, heheh n.n but I’ve managed.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I found the Elysium last night so, at least there’s that!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good job, that’s a big advancement actually
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): next you gotta find the clinic, though
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: There’s a clinic too? O.o
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): yep. but we’ll explain all that later
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): i’m canny btw. cannedtea at the forum, remember me?
My face burns a little bit when remembering this guy. I wasn’t expecting to find him again so quickly.
“Gay.”
Shut up.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: the name’s Aoi! ^0^/ UwU28 at the forum!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: sorry I didn’t comment your topic, i am a bit shy xwxUu
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: It’s all fine, no worries n.n I’m Tav! But you two probably know that already
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): it bears repeating, girl. it bears repeating.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yeah! ^^/
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: alright I’m back! sorry I was seeing grandma to bed heheh
I sigh in relief, cleaning the sweat off my brow. Thanks saints, this was going to be a little too much for me to handle alone!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: oh hey gal-kun ~
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: reading up I see you’re all introduced, good good!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: now I just gotta introduce the plan to you Tav, so pay attention!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I’m ready! o.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: alright, so
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: to avoid 82’s wrath?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: canny here will be your voucher.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: huh?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: just put him in your profile and he’ll cover for you.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: And you’re okay with that, Canny? ;w; really!?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): eyeup, don’t worry girl. I gotchu.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: canny-kun and mort-sama covered for me when I just got in too :3 he’s the best!
For a moment I blink. Huh? Covered for Aoi? Does that mean they are also a Bastard Mage? What does that mean? Did they just find the link somewhere, too?
Questions for later, I guess.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Thank you so much Canny! ;w;
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): no prob bob
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): is it chill if I add you? you seem cool
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah, of course! :3 Add away! You too, Aoi-chan.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: EEEEE! Arigatou!! ^w^ <3 <3
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: oh yeah that reminds me.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: Aoi, ain’t you forgetting something?
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: ah right!!! Tavy! what are your pronouns? o.o!
What?
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: you put you’d rather not say your gender and that’s so cool! I wanna know what to call you though! uwu
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: if that’s okay of course ^.^
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: Aoi that is NOT what I meant damn it!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): nono, she’s right.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): sorry i kept callin you girl
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: not you too canny… focus!
I have never been asked that before… I mean, I have, by computers. But by people, it feels… odd.
I like it.
“You’re going to start with your delusions again?”
“They can identify as anything. Stop being so harsh!”
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: … I think I will go with she/her.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Is that okay? n.n
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): girl, don’t ask US
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): ask yourself
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): not the mean voice of anxiety, not the shit your guardians told ya
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): are YOU okay with it?
I feel the words pierce my chest for a moment. I gasp for air, my eyes opening a little more.
“This is all just play pretend. Don’t take it so much to heart.”
Shut up.
“What!?”
I said shut up. This time, this is for me. I decide this.
“You little ungrateful asshole…”
I want this. This makes me feel good and I will seize it. And you can go kiss my ass, you hear me!?
“...”
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: … Yeah. Yeah, I think I am okay with it n//n
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): atta girl
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): it’s chill to call you a girl right?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yeah yeah, I like it! n.n
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yayayay Tavy-chan! :3
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: huh. that’s unexpectedly wholesome…
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: but let’s focus! Aoi! do you have the book?
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: right here boss! o.o7
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!! has sent you bastard_recipe_book.pdf
Accept?
Huh? A pdf? I hesitate for a moment but, hell, maybe it’s magic and magic can’t get viruses or something. I just click it.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: this is the rulebook for us Bastards, don’t tell nobody about it though OoO!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: it’s a seecret~
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: A secret book… now that’s cool uwu
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): man, tav’s first secret
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): granny get the camera
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: lol
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: no but really, read it, study it well
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: it’s all vital.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: will do! I’ll print it and get to it right now
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: NO!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: TAVY-CHAN WAIT
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): wait a sec tav
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Huh? O.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: don’t print that one!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yeah you can’t print magic books, it’s risky
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): the runes can activate and shit would go boom
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Oh, okay o.o
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Man I hate reading on the computer! ;w;
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: sorry tavy-chan ;w;!! but that’s the only way!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: yeah… anyways, I gotta go to bed, real badly.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: I trust you got it from here right?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yep! n.n
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: byeeee everyone!! uwu see you in dejima!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): see you around
I sigh and slowly lean back on my chair. That was intense, way too intense… but I am smiling. Really, this is some proper progress! I finally have tools to work on my own! Maybe I can even translate some more after learning magic!
“Are you sure that’s all you’re happy about?~”
… Shut up. Don’t look too deep into the whole ‘pronoun’ thing.
I am opening the file I got when, suddenly, another message hits me.
It’s from Canny!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): hey tav
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): if you don’t wanna read it on computer you can get it physical.
Whuh?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): you said you found an elysium, was it in a library?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yeah! o.o
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): thought so
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): look through the mundane part of the library, specifically in the section where you get cooking recipes
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): see if you can find a cheap notebook that says ‘MAGIC’ in it.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): open it, say ‘jantar mantar’ to it, and that’s your ticket.
My eyes light up. A secret book, hidden under the cloak’s noses like that? That’s perfect!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): the book’s written in draconic, which basically means only mages can read the real shit and you can’t destroy it
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Wait what? O.o Draconic? Are dragons a thing here?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): not anymore they ain’t
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Aww :c
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Wait,I can’t destroy it? O.o No matter how much I try?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): i mean, you can, but it won’t do nothin
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): don’t worry about it
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ok! n.n but hey I don’t know Draconic D:!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): don’t worry about it girlie
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yay! n.n I will go get it then
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): get some other books too, in case you’re being tailed.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good luck tav
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Thank you Canny!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah! I will be on my phone so don’t send me magic stuff for a while, okay?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): gonna teach you the glyph for your phone later.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yipee!! n.n
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah hell, sorry for that úwu
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): you’re fine girl
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good luck.
I feel motivated, so motivated that I stand up immediately, close my computer, and finish my hamburger on the spot.
“Going out again!? Hah.”
I am running out of mean things to say, that’s a good sign.
“Don’t count on it.”
“You are doing great. Let’s go! The day’s young and we have notes to take!”
Yes! I don’t even notice the door in my way this time! I just go out and hop my way over to the elevator.
To the library! Again!
2024.05.18 22:09 AlfieAllensDog Pulled pork
I smoked it at 250 for about 5 hours to come to 160F, and then put it in a disposable pan with some apple juice and covered it with foil. It’s been at 161F for about an hour now. I’m worried I won’t have dinner ready in 5 hours. Would I be okay cranking it to 300F? It’s 5 lb butt and 5 lb shoulder.
submitted by AlfieAllensDog to Traeger [link] [comments]
2024.05.18 22:04 rowaway3000 How could I fix this? Chair scraping gone wrong.
 | Friend didn’t use bottom covers for his office chair, and it wore through the wood over time. I told him I would help him fix it submitted by rowaway3000 to DIY [link] [comments] |
2024.05.18 21:46 mamatomato1 Should I be a SAHM?
Baby boy is a year and a half, still will only sleep through the night if he is ontop of me. Very clingy but extremely energetic and willful kid. Refuses diaper changes, the high chair, the stroller and whatever else he doesn’t want to do at the moment. We adore him tho and indulge him and he’s spoiled silly. I’m exhausted but somehow happy!
We just bought a house in the Bay Area. Husband works in tech brings in over $500k. I am working part time (since baby’s birth) in a non-profit making piddlesticks. I do enjoy my work though and getting to do something that is challenging and not baby related. But I have brainfog all the time from lack of sleep and not always getting to eat properly or exercise beyond chasing him (I used to run). I’m half as productive as I was before.
We used to have parents helping us out but they are having their own health challenges at the moment. I don’t think he could handle daycare and I don’t think daycare could handle him.Toying with the idea of hiring a nanny —but it would essentially be me “volunteering” to work because my entire salary would go to cover the nanny.
Husband is ok with this or with whatever I want to do. He thinks I should just quit because we don’t need the money. He doesn’t have a lot of time to spend with the baby because his job is extremely demanding. He does watch him a few hours after work and on the weekends so I can work. But this means we don’t get to spend our weekends or evenings together as a family because I am working at those times.
I am worried about getting completely out of the workforce and becoming defunct lol. As I know I would want to keep my skills sharp so I can work when he’s in school. Also if any emergency occurred and my husband could not work, I would try for a different job.
submitted by mamatomato1 to sahm [link] [comments]
We just bought a house in the Bay Area. Husband works in tech brings in over $500k. I am working part time (since baby’s birth) in a non-profit making piddlesticks. I do enjoy my work though and getting to do something that is challenging and not baby related. But I have brainfog all the time from lack of sleep and not always getting to eat properly or exercise beyond chasing him (I used to run). I’m half as productive as I was before.
We used to have parents helping us out but they are having their own health challenges at the moment. I don’t think he could handle daycare and I don’t think daycare could handle him.Toying with the idea of hiring a nanny —but it would essentially be me “volunteering” to work because my entire salary would go to cover the nanny.
Husband is ok with this or with whatever I want to do. He thinks I should just quit because we don’t need the money. He doesn’t have a lot of time to spend with the baby because his job is extremely demanding. He does watch him a few hours after work and on the weekends so I can work. But this means we don’t get to spend our weekends or evenings together as a family because I am working at those times.
I am worried about getting completely out of the workforce and becoming defunct lol. As I know I would want to keep my skills sharp so I can work when he’s in school. Also if any emergency occurred and my husband could not work, I would try for a different job.
2024.05.18 21:32 mamatomato1 Should I be a SAHM?
Baby boy is a year and a half, still will only sleep through the night if he is ontop of me. Very clingy but extremely energetic and willful kid. Refuses diaper changes, the high chair, the stroller and whatever else he doesn’t want to do at the moment. We adore him tho and indulge him and he’s spoiled silly. I’m exhausted but somehow happy!
We just bought a house in the Bay Area. Husband works in tech brings in over $500k. I am working part time (since baby’s birth) in a non-profit making piddlesticks. I do enjoy my work though and getting to do something that is challenging and not baby related. But I have brainfog all the time from lack of sleep and not always getting to eat properly or exercise beyond chasing him (I used to run). I’m half as productive as I was before.
We used to have parents helping us out but they are having their own health challenges at the moment. I don’t think he could handle daycare and I don’t think daycare could handle him.Toying with the idea of hiring a nanny —but it would essentially be me “volunteering” to work because my entire salary would go to cover the nanny.
Husband is ok with this or with whatever I want to do. He thinks I should just quit because we don’t need the money. He doesn’t have a lot of time to spend with the baby because his job is extremely demanding. He does watch him a few hours after work and on the weekends so I can work. But this means we don’t get to spend our weekends or evenings together as a family because I am working at those times.
I am worried about getting completely out of the workforce and becoming defunct lol. As I know I would want to keep my skills sharp so I can work when he’s in school. Also if any emergency occurred and my husband could not work, I would try for a different job.
submitted by mamatomato1 to workingmoms [link] [comments]
We just bought a house in the Bay Area. Husband works in tech brings in over $500k. I am working part time (since baby’s birth) in a non-profit making piddlesticks. I do enjoy my work though and getting to do something that is challenging and not baby related. But I have brainfog all the time from lack of sleep and not always getting to eat properly or exercise beyond chasing him (I used to run). I’m half as productive as I was before.
We used to have parents helping us out but they are having their own health challenges at the moment. I don’t think he could handle daycare and I don’t think daycare could handle him.Toying with the idea of hiring a nanny —but it would essentially be me “volunteering” to work because my entire salary would go to cover the nanny.
Husband is ok with this or with whatever I want to do. He thinks I should just quit because we don’t need the money. He doesn’t have a lot of time to spend with the baby because his job is extremely demanding. He does watch him a few hours after work and on the weekends so I can work. But this means we don’t get to spend our weekends or evenings together as a family because I am working at those times.
I am worried about getting completely out of the workforce and becoming defunct lol. As I know I would want to keep my skills sharp so I can work when he’s in school. Also if any emergency occurred and my husband could not work, I would try for a different job.
2024.05.18 21:28 Fantastic-Pension734 AITA for refusing to pay for birthday presents for my son that he can only use at my ex-wife's place?
I am a 52m recently separated from my ex (49f) of 18 yrs. We share custody (week on, week off) with our 2 children, a 13 yr old daughter and soon-to-be 15 yr old son.
The relationship ended mostly amicably, noone cheated on each other, as far as I know. Just drifted apart, 'friend-zoned'. When we split we agreed that I would stay in our old 4-bdrm family home for a few more years, while our kids were still at high school (we lived right next door to my son’s high school). I would continue to pay down our mortgage (on my own) and also pay for any additional renovations (on my own) that we still have left to complete, since buying the place 4 yrs ago. When the time comes to sell she will get her 50%.
She agreed to move out into her own 3-bdrm rental out by the beach. I am paying her child support, as she only earns about 1/3 of what I do in her part time (30hrs/wk) job. The rest of her income comes from Govt social support. We have a joint bank account where we both put money into to cover the kids general needs.
This week is my son's 15th birthday, he's big into gaming, basketball and fishing. When he moves between our two places he's brings his Xbox with him. I have paid for two computer monitors, one at each property, just so he can do this easily and be happy. He has a home-made basketball hoop (that he helped me build & paint for him when he was a young 10 year old lad) mounted on the outside of my house for him to practice, whenever he stays with me.
My ex emailed me to ask me what I think 'we' should get him for his birthday, i.e. share costs for. She listed two things, firstly a free-standing basketball hoop, and a gaming chair (all up around $1000 total), both to be used only at her place, for his enjoyment there.
I've refused to help her buy these particular options, I'd prefer it if we spent our money on something that he'll enjoy getting the benefits from wherever he may be. Like new clothes, a new device, a new bike, fishing gear etc, or a shared family experience with both of us present. I thought that was reasonable.
My ex-wife thinks I'm being a jerk with this stance, for not agreeing to pay anything for these particular presents, to help furnish her house or his bedroom there. She's suggesting that it's not fair that he can play basketball at my place and not hers, or that he feels more comfortable playing video games at my place, and not hers. She’s now accusing me of starting to play some kind petty 'tit-for-tat' game with her, by ‘not fairly contributing enough towards my son's happiness on his birthday’.
My fear is that I am indeed being unnecessarily picky with this battle, being too selfish, and denying her the right to be able to make her home as happy or as comfortable as mine, for my son to live in.
AITA?
submitted by Fantastic-Pension734 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
The relationship ended mostly amicably, noone cheated on each other, as far as I know. Just drifted apart, 'friend-zoned'. When we split we agreed that I would stay in our old 4-bdrm family home for a few more years, while our kids were still at high school (we lived right next door to my son’s high school). I would continue to pay down our mortgage (on my own) and also pay for any additional renovations (on my own) that we still have left to complete, since buying the place 4 yrs ago. When the time comes to sell she will get her 50%.
She agreed to move out into her own 3-bdrm rental out by the beach. I am paying her child support, as she only earns about 1/3 of what I do in her part time (30hrs/wk) job. The rest of her income comes from Govt social support. We have a joint bank account where we both put money into to cover the kids general needs.
This week is my son's 15th birthday, he's big into gaming, basketball and fishing. When he moves between our two places he's brings his Xbox with him. I have paid for two computer monitors, one at each property, just so he can do this easily and be happy. He has a home-made basketball hoop (that he helped me build & paint for him when he was a young 10 year old lad) mounted on the outside of my house for him to practice, whenever he stays with me.
My ex emailed me to ask me what I think 'we' should get him for his birthday, i.e. share costs for. She listed two things, firstly a free-standing basketball hoop, and a gaming chair (all up around $1000 total), both to be used only at her place, for his enjoyment there.
I've refused to help her buy these particular options, I'd prefer it if we spent our money on something that he'll enjoy getting the benefits from wherever he may be. Like new clothes, a new device, a new bike, fishing gear etc, or a shared family experience with both of us present. I thought that was reasonable.
My ex-wife thinks I'm being a jerk with this stance, for not agreeing to pay anything for these particular presents, to help furnish her house or his bedroom there. She's suggesting that it's not fair that he can play basketball at my place and not hers, or that he feels more comfortable playing video games at my place, and not hers. She’s now accusing me of starting to play some kind petty 'tit-for-tat' game with her, by ‘not fairly contributing enough towards my son's happiness on his birthday’.
My fear is that I am indeed being unnecessarily picky with this battle, being too selfish, and denying her the right to be able to make her home as happy or as comfortable as mine, for my son to live in.
AITA?
2024.05.18 21:25 Spooker0 The Next Line Will Hold (Human Military Advisors)
Location: Defense Line Husky, Datsot-3
POV: Motsotaer, Malgeir Federation Planetary Defense Force (Rank: Pack Member)The shrieking whistle of incoming artillery shell was among the most terrifying noises known to living beings.
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. Boom. Boom. Boom.
But it meant you were still alive.
Pack Member Motsotaer wondered if the poor pups in the forward trenches heard them coming as the enemy high explosive pounded into their lines.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
One of their anti-aircraft concrete bunkers took a direct hit; its roof collapsed on itself with a loud crumble.
Grass Eater artillery was voluminous, destructive, but scariest of all, it was incredibly precise. Their intelligence assets in orbit knew all, saw all. Their kill chains were short. Once they saw you, they would call it in, and the remainder of your life was measured in minutes and seconds.
There was nothing vegetarian about the efficient and bloodthirsty way the long-eared Grass Eaters fought, and the numerous intelligent predator species they’d exterminated on their way to Datsot… some of those tales gave even Motsotaer nightmares.
The defenders of Datsot had no choice. No choice but to defend their homes against the psychotic enemies pounding their lines to bits. And the ones who remained had learned the hard lessons of war, either through experience earned by blood or via the process of not-so-natural selection.
Motsotaer clutched his rifle against his chest as he laid in his own shallow hole, eyes closed. If the end was going to come for him, there was nothing else he could do but huddle in his freshly-dug grave.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
The blasts continued walking across the defense lines, undoubtedly killing scores of his comrades. But he accompanied each shockwave with a sigh of relief; they let him know that he was still alive. Still breathing.
One final rumble. And then there was silence across the battlefield.
Motsotaer waited a minute before he peeked out — another lesson that smart defenders of Datsot had discovered the hard way. A couple brave medics were already on the move, their shouts left and right, pulling bodies and the groaning injured alike out of the rubble aftermath of the shelling.
With a grunt, he pulled himself out of his hole, rushing towards the neighboring anti-air bunker. The concrete roof had collapsed, but he could still hear cries from the dark. He squeezed through the cluttered entrance.
It was a mess on the inside. The lights were all gone. Scattered sandbags. It smelled like blood and death, and he pushed aside the still body of a Head Pack Leader he only knew of, only to find the corpse of yet another Pack Member, her limbs sprawled in an unnatural position.
“Anyone still alive in here?” he asked in the dark as his eyes adjusted. “Hello?”
There were a series of loud coughs. “I’m here. I’m here.”
“Pack Leader Nidvid!” he shouted as he recognized the familiar shrill voice. “Keep talking! Where are you?”
“Here. I’m here. Help me up.”
As she continued to cough, he had the sense to fish a flashlight out of his pocket, fumbling around until he found the on button. As the light activated, he could see Nidvid half-buried in the dirt, her lower limbs trapped beneath some sand from the broken sandbags.
“Pack Leader!” He got onto his front paws and started digging. “Are you injured?”
“I don’t think so,” she shook her head in the dim lighting as she experimentally wriggled her legs. “Here, I think I’m loose. Help me up.”
Motsotaer grasped her under her arms, and with a heavy grunt, pulled her out of the dirt.
“Whew,” she said, checking her body again for wounds. Nidvid looked around at the other bodies splayed in the bunker. “Oh no… Head Pack Leader…”
“That was a close one. I can’t believe you lived through that!”
“Yeah, me neither… Wait a second,” Nidvid said as she began rummaging through a pile of rubble near the Head Pack Leader’s body. “The radio…”
“What are you looking for?” he asked as he aimed his flashlight towards where she was looking.
“Oh no, no, no…” her voice trailed off as she picked up the device she’d been looking for. “Our hardline communicator…” It was clearly broken from the strike, its shell perforated with a hundred holes and its connection to the landline severed. In disgust, Nidvid threw it back to the ground.
“What uh— what did you need that for?” Motsotaer asked. “Were we supposed to tell them we were being attacked?”
“No… It was— before the strike, we got a high priority order.”
“A high priority order?”
Nidvid recalled, “There’s a special platoon in our salient… We were supposed to get an important message to them!”
“Special platoon?” Motsotaer asked. “Are you okay, Nidvid?”
“Yes, yes,” the Pack leader replied, visibly distraught. “They only had a physical line to us because they’re supposed to be keeping in the dark. Emissions control or something like that so they can activate the flying machine swarm in time. They said this was life and death and our whole defense line hinges on it!”
“Emissions control? Flying machines? Pack Leader, we should get you to a medic,” he said skeptically.
“No! Motsotaer, this is important. We need to get the message to them now. They’re only a couple kilometers south from our position. If we run over to their position now, it might not yet be—”
He looked up at her face in alarm. “Run to another position? Outside the trench line?”
“Yes! We have to go!” she said, as she peeked out of the concrete bunker towards the barren zone ahead of the trenches. “Now! Before they start their offensive.”
Motsotaer began to protest, “But that’s no creature’s land. If we get spotted by their troops, we’ll be hunted down by the Grass Eaters ships in orbit…”
She was insistent, “Pack Member Motsotaer, get it together. We still have a job to do. Are you with me or are you going to sit here and die like a coward to the long-ears?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, straightening up. Death or not, he was no coward. “I mean… I’m with you.”
“Good. Then let’s go.”
With a grunt, she leapt out of the trenches and jogged south, keeping to the defensive side of it for the modicum of cover it provided, and Motsotaer quickly followed. As they sprinted away from the tattered defenses, they ran into a thick tree line that hopefully provided them with some concealment from the Grass Eater ships above.
After a couple more minutes of running in the forest, Motsotaer started to tire and pant. He weighed his burning lung and how embarrassed he’d be if he complained. Luckily for his ego, Nidvid gestured for them to stop after another minute and tossed him her canteen. “Take a break before we get going.”
He chugged as much water as he could in a single swig, and returned the canteen to Nidvid. He gasped out, “How much further, Pack Leader?”
“About one more kilometer south,” she said, aiming her snout up at the treetops. “I recognize the smell of this area.”
“What’s this even about? The message… what was it?”
Nidvid exercised her limbs. “That Grass Eater artillery strike… it was to prepare for their offensive on our lines. They’ve gathered an armored division on the other side of that,” she pointed out into the barren fields beyond the trees. “We have an hour at most before they roll over us.”
“An armored division?!” Motsotaer squeaked. The enemy’s Longclaws — their armored vehicles — were legendary. They could kill from kilometers away. And their thick shells protected them against all but the most powerful artillery in the Federation’s arsenal. He’d never seen one of them personally. If he had, he suspected he wouldn’t be alive to tell anyone about it. “What can we do against a Grass Eater armored division?”
“That’s why we have to get to the special platoon,” Nidvid replied. She pointed in the southern direction, “You ready? Let’s go.”
They galloped for a few more minutes. Motsotaer’s limbs tired and his breaths shallowed as his lung burnt. As he was contemplating whether to ask for another break, Nidvid pointed at a shape in the distance. “There, that’s their position!”
He squinted at it. It was not easy to see, but buried in the tree line was what looked like a bunch of out-of-place branches and leaves over a small vehicle. Buoyed by the anticipation of the end of the marathon, he managed to keep up with Nidvid’s pace.
As they approached, there was a loud shout.
“Hi-yah! Stop!”
They halted their steps and looked for the source of the voice.
“Not one more paw step, deserter! This is a restricted area! Turn around or you’ll be shot!”
Motsotaer looked up at the voice hidden up in the branches. After a moment, with some help from his nose, he found the yeller. It was a short, stout middle-aged male with strange-looking green and brown paint smeared all over his fur and face. He had a rifle aimed squarely at the duo.
“Don’t shoot!” Nidvid yelled back. “We’re runners. We’ve got an important message! For your platoon commander.”
The male in the tree looked suspiciously at them as he leapt down. He lowered his rifle, but didn’t seem any less on guard. “A message?”
“Yes, we’ve got an urgent message for Special Platoon Commander Graunsa. Take us to him right now!”
He sized the two of them up. After a moment, he said slowly, “I am Graunsa. Why are you here, and what is the message?”
Nidvid recovered some of her breath and explained, “The Grass Eaters hit us hard with an artillery strike. Our Head Pack Leader is dead. Our landline is gone. We ran all the way over from our lines north of you.”
Graunsa nodded and gestured for her to continue.
“The Grass Eater armored offensive is about to start. They’re moving into position and ready to go, and there’s a special message embedded—”
“Wait a second,” Graunsa interrupted. “Give me the special message exactly, without omission or your own interpretations.”
“Yes, Platoon Commander,” Nidvid nodded. “The message is: bunny water carriers are in play, red-five-zero-eight; come out of the dark and introduce yourself. Authorization is three-three-greyhound.”
Graunsa looked thoughtful for a moment as he pondered it.
“What does the message mean?” Motsotaer whispered at Nidvid.
“I have no idea,” she shrugged, whispering back. “The Head Pack Leader just told me to memorize it.”
The platoon commander seemed to have made up his mind. “Alright, that seems legitimate. Thanks for the message.” He turned around to leave.
Motsotaer shouted behind him, “Wait, what are we supposed to do now?”
Graunsa turned around. “I don’t know. I’m not your commanding officer.” He paused for a moment. “I wouldn’t recommend going back to your lines though. Might not be there when you get back…”
“What?!”
“You can’t just leave us! Where else are we supposed to go?” Nidvid asked.
Graunsa seemed to contemplate the question for a few heartbeats and sighed, “You said you’re from the position up north?”
“Yup,” they replied in unison.
“And you’re a spotter, Pack Member?” he asked, looking at the rank and position patch on Motsotaer’s chest.
“Yes.”
Graunsa relented. “Fine. We might find a use for you. Get into the bunker… before the Grass Eaters in orbit see us dawdling out here.”
“What? Where?”
The officer pointed at a patch of dark green leaves on the forest floor. As they approached it, he grasped a latch and lifted it to reveal a ladder. The three of them descended into the darkness and Graunsa secured it behind them. With a quiet swoosh, a lamp mounted on the wall lit up to reveal a small hallway leading to a heavy-looking door.
Graunsa knocked on it twice. He turned around and looked at Motsotaer and Nidvid. “What you’re about to see in here is of the highest secrecy level of the Malgeir Federation. If you tell anyone what you see in here, you will be executed for treason. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Platoon Commander.”
“Swear it, on your honor.”
“We swear,” they replied in unison, their voices infused with growing excitement.
“Good enough for me.”
The heavy steel door swung open, showing a room that was vastly different from what its primitive exterior suggested. It resembled a command center far more than a field base, and Motsotaer felt a blast of cold air conditioning in his face as he passed the door threshold.
At the front, a main screen showed a map of the defensive lines in the sector. Facing it, two rows of sleek, new computer screens lit up the dark. Their operators worked busily at their controls, and only a couple faces looked their way in mild interest as they entered.
“What is this—” Motsotaer started to ask. Nidvid grasped his shoulder and shushed him.
Graunsa cleared his throat. Several faces looked towards him in anticipation. “Platoon, we just got the message. Activate the FTL handshake and authenticate us in the network.”
“Yes, sir.” A young-looking communication officer near the front operated a few controls on her console. “I’ve got the advisors on the line.”
Motsotaer read his nametag: Gassin. She was a Gamma Leader, much higher ranked than he, but she looked not a day over twenty. He noted that many of the people in the room sported high-ranking insignias despite their apparent youth.
“On screen,” Graunsa ordered.
A communication window appeared on the main screen, streaming video of someone in a jet-black EVA suit.
Motsotaer stiffened. It was obvious that the subject was alien; at around 1.7 or 1.8 meters, it was far too tall for being a Malgeir. Too small for a Granti. And from the side profile of the suit, it didn’t bulge nearly enough for the tails that the Malgeir’s Schpriss neighbors were known for. A strange new species of aliens.
From the blackened visor, it was obvious that whoever that was… it was the reason for all this tight secrecy.
“Special Platoon Commander Graunsa,” it transmitted in perfect Malgeirish. The alien was either a trained-from-birth Federation Channel One newscaster with a perfectly inoffensive accent, or its translator was far better than anything the Malgeir themselves had invented. “This call is encrypted, but the enemy Znosians in orbit are trying to find your location from the signals, so we’ll have to make it as quick as we can. Have your defensive lines completed your preparations?”
Graunsa stepped up to address the screen directly, “Yes, advisor. Our fire support platoon is ready for tasking.”
“Excellent. Transmitting the first batch of targets in your sector now.”
A series of symbols scrolled onto the screen, showing a number of coordinates.
“We’re getting the enemy positions now,” Gassin exclaimed.
Graunsa turned to her and nodded his appreciation, “Sixteen armored targets. Weapons free.”
“Yes, sir. Programming the sequence.”
A camera on the main screen activated, remotely showing a small hole with some machinery in it dug a few hundred meters away just at the edge of the tree line.
“Launching flying machine swarm!”
As Motsotaer watched, a thicket of metal erupted from the hole in a blur, roaring into the sky.
The main screen was replaced by a four-by-four of windows of black and white images. It took him a couple seconds to realize that he was looking at the battlefield from above. The Malgeir had rotary wing, airplanes, and jet — some were even armed, but they were usually much bigger. And their air assets had been grounded since the early days of the battle for Datsot when the enemy took the orbits.
Not these tiny devices though.
He focused on one of the sixteen windows.
The ground sped past below the camera’s vision, tree line after tree line, the flying machine seemed to know where it was going by itself: Motsotaer looked at the other occupants in the room. None of them seemed to be directly controlling it.
He stiffened.
Is this controlled by a thinking machine?
“We’re getting in range of the target coordinates, Platoon Commander,” Gassin updated the room a few minutes later.
As if on cue, the flying machines flew higher, and the trees on the ground grew smaller, as if further away. Until…
“Targets identified!” Gassin reported with excitement in her voice.
As an infantry spotter, Motsotaer had been trained — barely — to identify enemy armored vehicles. As in, he’d been given a cheatsheet containing the silhouettes of the different types of vehicles the enemy drove. But even he couldn’t tell at this distance what the white-hot smudges on the screen were.
The machine had no such issues though.
Several red boxes materialized on the screen, clearly marking several enemy vehicles in the thermal imagery and adorning them with detailed information.
The one Motsotaer was watching said:
Hostile vehicle, Longclaw MK4 (top armor: ~25mm), 4.2 km.
No hostile EW detected.
Without additional prompting, the flying machines raced in towards their targets, each recognizing a different one as its final destination. Afraid to blink, Motsotaer stared intently at one of the video streams.
A new line of text appeared at the top of the screen:
ETA 20 seconds.
It counted down the seconds, number by number.
The enemy Longclaw got larger and larger until… the screen went black, replaced by static. As he looked around, the other windows were similarly replaced with static one-by-one.
Motsotaer frowned, wondering where the videos had gone.
Then, it hit him. The flying machines were on one-way trips.
The sixteen windows disappeared, and another one appeared, showing the enemy assembly area from a much higher perspective. And instead of the vehicles he expected, he counted sixteen burning wrecks, the black smoke from their flames reaching up into the sky in columns.
“Targets destroyed, Commander,” Gassin said. Several of the officers in the room looked at each other excitedly, but their celebration was muted.
Graunsa nodded. “Call our advisors again.”
The alien appeared on the screen again. “Excellent work, Platoon Commander. We’re assessing the lines and getting the second batch of targets to you now.”
“Understood.”
As the new target coordinates scrolled onto the main screen, Gassin didn’t need additional prompting, “Launching flying machines!”
Another sixteen of them flashed out from the pre-dug position. Another sixteen windows appeared on the screen, replacing the odd-looking aliens’ video.
“Wait a minute,” the aliens’ voice cut into the quiet hum of the control room’s operation. “Switch back to the high-altitude drone. Something’s happening.”
The main screen’s image was replaced by the previous camera looking down at enemy lines. There was a flurry of activity in the enemy base area. Numerous dots representing the ground troops moved to-and-fro. And worryingly, the red squares that surrounded enemy armor began appearing en masse as enemy Longclaws drove out of their covered positions into the open.
Dozens of them.
Then, hundreds. And more appeared every second.
“What’s going on?” Graunsa asked, his voice reflecting Motsotaer’s worry.
The alien took a minute to get back to him, its black helmeted face filling up the screen again. “They’re attacking. They don’t know what hit them in the last strike. But they must have realized that they’re not safe in their assembly area, and they’re doing the only thing they can… We estimate they’ll get to your first lines in thirty minutes.”
“Can we stop them?” Graunsa asked. “We can—”
The alien looked directly into the video. “Not sixteen drones at a time. And if you launch the whole swarm at once, it’ll reflect enough signal for them to sniff out where you are with their counter-battery radars and take you out from orbit.”
Graunsa swallowed. “That’s— that’s— The machines can fly themselves without us, right?”
The alien didn’t say anything for a few heartbeats. “Theoretically, yes. But even if you evacuate your position now, your people won’t get out of range from the orbital strike they’ll call in.”
“I understand. Feed us the enemy targets.”
“Delta Leader, we can’t ask you to—”
“I said, feed us the enemy targets,” Graunsa insisted.
Quietly, hundreds of coordinate pairs filed onto the main screen. Graunsa looked at the faces of the young officers under his command. Dozens of them. He turned around to look at his two guests. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s the right choice,” Nidvid replied, shrugging.
Motsotaer nodded at him.
“I know,” Graunsa said, turning back to the main screen. “Just doesn’t make it any easier.”
“Sir, we’re ready to launch,” Gassin reported.
“Weapons free. Release everything.”
“Yes, sir.”
The ground shook and rumbled, hundreds of flying machines leaving their canisters for the sky. They were close enough to hear the outgoing buzzing as the munitions launched. This time, more and more windows filled up the screen with the visuals of the outgoing flying machines — hundreds of them, and Motsotaer was surprised that the computers could even handle it all.
The visage of the alien returned to their screen. It said calmly, “Enemy orbital launch spotted. Multiple launches. High yield. Missiles incoming to your location, ETA twelve minutes.”
“Understood, advisor.”
“Scramble! Scramble! Scramble!”
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.
“What’s going on?” Longclaw Commander Slurskoch sat up in his turret cupola as the sirens rang loud through the hull.
“We’re under artillery attack!” his Controller yelled back at him through the roaring startup sequence of the turbine anti-grav engines. “The Lesser Predators… they’ve got some kind of new weapon! Took out a whole battalion’s worth of Longclaws in the 194!”
“But we’re not ready!” his Driver complained. “Our artillery is supposed to pound them for another hour before we—”
Slurskoch shook his head as he checked the friendly force tracker on his screen. “Doesn’t matter! If they’ve got some new weapon, we can’t sit still while we get pounded to bits by whatever they have. We gotta get out there. Hurry it up!”
It took them another two minutes to fully warm up the engines, and with a roar, the Longclaw burst out of its camouflaged emplacement, kicking up a curtain of dirt in front of it.
“Let’s go! Go! Go!” Slurskoch yelled as his lagging Longclaw joined the armored formation already on the move.
The Controller spoke with one of her ears in the radio, “Their artillery just launched… something at us. We’ve pinpointed their location, and orbital support is on its way.”
His Gunner whooped twice, and Slurskoch nodded silently in agreement. That’d flatten those carnivorous abominations where they stood. He drew a few symbols and circles on the digital battlemap as the Longclaws drove toward the enemy lines. “Gunner, watch those potential trench lines in front of us,” he instructed. “Their anti-armor may not look scary on paper, but their infantry can always get a lucky hit in.”
Slurskoch was taught in training that it was better to overestimate the enemy than underestimate them. Luckily, the predators usually fell below expectations, which was why the Dominion controlled the orbits of Datsot now and not them.
His Controller frowned at something in her radio, “They’re saying something about the enemy artillery… The engineers at the base assessed the strike aftermath. There’s something strange in the rubble. The attack was more precise than anything we’d ever seen.”
“What does that mean?” Slurskoch asked in confusion.
“The sensor officer in charge of the assembly area has taken full responsibility. They didn’t see the incoming at all. Higher ups are speculating that the Lesser Predators have a new weapon in their arsenal.”
“The predators made new weapons?” Slurskoch snorted. “Useful ones? That’ll be a first. Well, whatever it is, maybe our Design Bureau will get a good look at it when we finally cleanse this planet of their filth. Make our next battle a little easier when we have to take their home planet.”
His Gunner agreed, “And then, the Prophecy shall be fulfilled.”
The Driver, in his open hatch, looked up at the cloud of them flying over the enemy lines. “Looks like it. A nice juicy feast for them in the coming battle. The irony of the barbaric carnivores being eaten by themselves.”
A few thousand years ago, winged predators would have curdled the blood of any natural-born Znosian. On the original plains of Znos, they were one of the most dangerous threats a lone Znosian faced. Now, that fear had been completely bred out of the gene pool, replaced with contempt for predatory primitivism, the courage to face them in battle, and the drive to exterminate them all.
Curious, Slurskoch stared up into the cloud of winged predators with his Longclaw commander optics. He frowned.
One of them shimmered.
Shimmered.
He zoomed in.
Then, he saw a metallic glint. His whiskers tightened.
“That’s— those aren’t winged predators,” he barely made out in shock. “Incoming!”
“Huh?” his Driver asked, craning his head up to look at the dark shapes in the distance.
“Get inside! Secure the hatch!” Slurskoch shouted at him.
His Driver was not very good at thinking on his own, but he had been bred to follow direct orders without question. He ducked into his seat, quickly securing the hatch above him close with trained claws.
He barely secured the Longclaw as other commanders began yelling out similar instructions on their radios.
“Incoming!” his Controller advised, about ten seconds later than necessary. “Enemy… artillery?!”
“Gunner!” Slurskoch gestured in the general direction of the sky.
“I can’t get a shot on them. They’re too high up!” she screamed back at him.
A trio of air defense vehicles next to him opened up with their six barrels towards the sky, lines of bright tracers stabbing out at the dark swarm. He saw one of the… flying machines hit and fall out of the sky. Then another.
It wasn’t enough.
As Slurskoch’s optics tracked the incoming, he saw them dive. They were fast, and they flew erratic patterns, almost organically, like actual winged beasts. If he hadn’t had that specific fear bred out of his bloodline hundreds of years ago, he would have been frozen in shock. Instead, he yelled out, “Brace! Brace!”
Boom. Boom. Boom.
The world exploded around his Longclaw.
Through his friendly force tracker, Slurskoch watched an entire battalion disappear off the map on his right flank, and two Longclaws in his line of sight brewed up in massive fireballs, throwing their turrets into the sky as their plasma ammunition detonated. One of the anti-air vehicles brewed up next to his, splattering its parts against his hull.
His Driver drove for all he was worth, ducking and weaving in the open field. So did the other Longclaws. Some deployed curtains of smoke in front of them in desperation.
None of it seemed to help.
The shockwaves hit his Longclaw in quick succession, knocking him around the armored cabin and rattling his teeth.
Boom. Boom.
More Longclaws exploded. Many more. They were disappearing off his screen faster than the software could update the signals. He closed his eyes waiting for the end.
It didn’t come.
It was hard for Slurskoch to tell when the last Longclaw near them was hit. His hearing organs must have been damaged some time during the attack. His auditory senses ringed as they returned to normal, recovering when his Controller shook him with a paw on his shoulder. “—Five Whiskers! Five Whiskers!”
“What is it?” he snapped, keeping the quivering out of his voice.
“We’re alone in our company, and I can’t contact the six whiskers! And I’ve been trying to reach battalion without success!”
“Try the regiment commander!” he yelled out against the noise of the anti-grav engine.
“Can’t reach them either!”
“What about division headquarters?!”
“I think division’s gone, sir!”
“What?!”
“Nobody there has been responding. All I’ve got is a seven whiskers in the reserve infantry division behind us! They’re saying they see black smoke in the direction of our division field command!”
“What in the Prophecy? How is that possible?!”
“What do we do, Five Whiskers?”
Slurskoch had been trained for a wide variety of combat scenarios and contingencies, including losing his immediate superiors, losing most of his unit, and losing his communication link to command. But he’d never been trained for all of those combined at once. That was just not something predators were supposed to be able to do to you.
He fell back to the next best thing.
“What’s the combat computer say?” he asked.
His Controller operated the controls on her console, and after half a minute of querying, she replied, reading off the instructions, “Absent orders, continue the attack. Maybe we can push through.”
“What? Did it take our losses into account?” he protested as he checked the battlemap. Of the nearly five hundred Longclaws that had pushed out of the assembly area, only a quarter remained. At most. Some of the signals on the map were flagging themselves as mobility or mission killed.
She shrugged, “It did. That’s what it says.”
He squinted at her screen. That was indeed what it said.
Slurskoch thought for a moment, sighed, and bowed in prayer, “Our lives were forfeited the day we left our hatchling pools.”
The other crew members all did the same, lowering their heads to mutter the familiar mantra.
That ritual out of the way, he drew up to his full height of 1 meter and mustered all the confidence he could into his voice, “Attack! Attack! Attack!”
The command center watched glumly as the hundred or so surviving Grass Eater Longclaws emerged from the wrecks of their comrades and slowly resumed their charge across the open toward the defense lines.
The flying machines had gotten a lot of them. Quite a few disabled too. And they were disorganized from the loss of their command. Yet they still charged. Diminished as their numbers were, they rolled towards the battered defensive lines with psychotic determination.
We’ve failed.
Graunsa sat down heavily into his chair. He brought up his communication console, connecting it to the advisor network.
The alien appeared on the screen, and though he couldn’t see its face, he could hear the sympathy in its translated voice, “You’ve done all you can, Special Platoon Commander.”
“It wasn’t enough,” he said, shaking his ears sadly. “They’re going to break through our line. Our infantry can’t stop them.”
It tilted its head. “I wouldn’t count them out completely, Delta Leader. They might. They might not. But your next defensive line certainly will hold them. The city behind you will be held.”
“Tracking enemy orbit-to-ground. ETA three minutes,” Gassin reported quietly from next to him.
Graunsa sighed. He looked at the alien, “I think I understand your people now, advisor.”
“You… do?”
“Yeah, at first, when we were picked for this mission, I wondered why your people were doing this.”
“Doing this?” the alien asked, seeming confused.
“Helping us. The weapons. The equipment. The training. The targeting. It was all in secret, but you didn’t have to do it. The other species around us didn’t do it. The Schpriss…” Graunsa snorted, “The long-tails can’t even find it in their spines to send us field rations. I thought your species… your people were just generous. Or perhaps you simply enjoyed the craft of war, being so adept at it.”
“Are we… not?”
“Those reasons may be part of it,” he conceded. “But more importantly, I think your people understand one thing the other species don’t… that we might stop the enemy here. Or we might not.”
“We didn’t set you up to fail, if that’s what you think—”
“But the next defensive line certainly will hold them,” Graunsa said, staring the alien in the eye. “You will hold them. Isn’t that right?”
It sighed. “I would be lying if that wasn’t part of the strategic equation. Our star systems are indeed next in line — sometime in the next decade or two, probably — if these bloodthirsty Buns conquered your Federation. That harsh astropolitical realism. But there’s something else too.”
“Is there?”
“Yes,” it nodded its head firmly in a familiar manner. “Yes, there is. We aren’t a particularly long-sighted species, Graunsa. We can plan, yes, but wars are fought by true believers. People don’t sign up to put their lives on the line for a hypothetical, potential invasion of our Republic twenty years in the future. They— we signed up for this because we truly believe what’s happening to your people… it shouldn’t happen to anyone, ever.”
Graunsa looked at the helmeted head for a while, then nodded. “I believe you, advisor.”
“I’m sorry this didn’t pan out, Graunsa. If I could, I’d be down there with you. We’d have made them pay for this.”
Graunsa smiled. “I believe you about that too. Thank you, advisor, whatever your name is.”
“You may call me Kara,” it said simply. A deft snap of its paws — he hadn’t noticed how soft its claws were before — and it released a latch on its helmet with a hiss. Lifting it from its head, it revealed a soft, smooth face without much fur except a bundle of long, brown strands on its scalp tied up in a neat spherical shape. Its hazel forward-facing eyes stared at him with the empathy that only other predators were capable of, filling him with mild relief. “Don’t tell anyone though,” it joked lightly, mirroring his smile back at him.
You’re not as ugly as I thought you’d be. Not nearly.
Graunsa’s grin widened at the thought. He put it out of his mind. “Ah. One last thing, advisor— Kara.”
“Yes?”
His mind drifted to his cubs at home. Perhaps they were still alive. He chose to believe that. “Our people’s clans and packs…”
“We’ll let them know,” she interrupted him softly. “And when the information quarantine is lifted, we’ll let your clans and packs know what you did here — everything.”
“Good. Thank you.”
Gassin sat down next to him, “Delta Leader, enemy missiles incoming. ETA thirty seconds, they’re entering—” She stopped her report and stared at the unmasked alien on his screen with equal parts wonder and sadness.
“Take a closer look, Gassin,” he ordered softly. “That… that is who will avenge us.”
On screen, the alien put its gloved paw up to its temple, forming a stiff triangle with its arm in a recognizable salute. “It was an honor, Graunsa.”
Graunsa returned it crisply, letting a primitive fire shine through his face. “Happy hunting, Kara.”
Location: Atlas Naval Command, Luna
POV: “Kara”, Terran Reconnaissance OfficeKara watched solemnly as the green signal blinked off the battlemap. She closed her eyes for a moment in silent prayer for the fallen.
Beep. Beep.
Another light on her console blinked urgently for her attention. Four thousand kilometers from the previous one. The war raged on — day and night — across four continents on the besieged planet. Fifty light years from the Republic, its defenders’ sweat, tears, and blood lined the fields and valleys of the beautiful blue sphere not so different from her own. Tens of millions of them: many who she knew would not see the end of this war.
They didn’t all know it, and some might not have cared, but fifty light years away, someone recorded their names, and someone felt a pang of loss for their sacrifice. In the cold, dark forest of the galaxy, somebody heard their trees fall.
Kara collected her thoughts, adjusted the bun in her hair, and lowered the tinted EVA helmet over her face once more.
She cleared her throat as she glanced at the screen and activated the microphone in her helmet, “Special Platoon Commander Treiriu. This call is encrypted, but the enemy Znosians in orbit are trying to find your location from the signals, so we’ll have to make it as quick as we can. Have your defensive lines completed your preparations?”
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Thanks for reading my story! This is a standalone chapter in my Grass Eaters story, meant to be enjoyable all on its own. If you're interested in more of my writing, please do subscribe to the update waffle bot or check out the rest of the universe in Grass Eaters.(Grass Eaters posts every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. We are closing in on the end of Book 1.)
2024.05.18 21:18 ApprehensiveCap6525 Earth is a Lost Colony (28)
A/N: yeah I changed up the Alliance admiral's name from Shepard Adama to Sheparda Dama (so creative i know) because the old one was going to fuck me over badly at some point. It would be like trying to make a legitimate, serious fantasy novel with a wizard named Albus Gandalf. I was NOT cooking when I came up with that shit.
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It was said that no plan ever survived contact with the enemy. That, at least in the case of Marcus Wayne’s infiltration of Neldia, was proven entirely true.
His ship, the Peacemaker, had undergone an extensive refit before its jump to Neldia to both modify its sensor signature and repair its failing Aegis barrier. The first objective succeeded. The second did not.
One day later, leaving the derelict Ultimate Vigil behind in deep space, the United Human Alliance courier ship Winged Deliverance logged a real space entry at the edge of the Neldia system. Its crew, having spent their waking hours plagued by hallucinations and enduring horrible nightmares as they slept, found this shift very welcome. The worst, though they could hardly believe it, was still yet to come.
“The Neldian fleet is mustering for war,” rumbled the man who had once held the title and security codes of an Alliance sector admiral. Now, he was a traitor to his homeland. “Security will be high.”
“No need to worry, Admiral,” said Marcus Wayne. “Your code will get us through.” It would not.
It took two hours for the Peacemaker, disguised as the Winged Deliverance, to be challenged by the Neldian Armada. “Transmit clearance code,” said an automated voice. Marcus took out a data disc with the admiral's clearance code on it.
“Hold,” said Terris. She was clad in black, her active camouflage offline to save battery, and she had been sitting at the passive sensor console for the past three hours. “Look at this.” A news broadcast popped up in front of Marcus Wayne and his officers. Sector Admiral Sheparda Dama, or at least he was once a sector admiral, had been tried and convicted of high treason.
“It was a secret trial,” Dama said, still in shock at the revelation. “I had no knowledge of this.”
“Well, that tracks, but what do we do now? What code gets us through?”
“Transmit clearance code,” the voice said again, “or adjust course.”
Dama thought for a moment. “Change course,” he said. “We’re not getting through.”
They did. A great sense of defeat took hold in the hearts of the crew. They would never reach the Neldian hypercom. Sheparda Dama, who would have gladly given his life in defense of humankind, would never get the chance to be the man who broke their chains.
The Peacemaker was halfway out of the Neldia system before Terris spoke again. “Hold it,” she said. “I have an idea.”
That was why she had been placed where she was. Clad in an airtight stealth suit. Inside a hollowed-out asteroid. On a ballistic journey to the heart of Neldian space. It was the most insane idea that Marcus Wayne had ever seen.
But, sometimes, insanity was a symptom of genius.
Terris flew past the Neldian Armada undetected. Many asteroids entered the inner system this way, flung by outer-system prospecting ships to the foundries and shipyards in Neldian orbit, and they were thrown and caught so frequently that only the most cursory of inspections was put upon each one. Terris passed the Alliance fleet entirely undetected.
Terris’ chameleon suit could mimic the sensor return of the precious metals it was buried in, at least enough to fool a probing scan, and the cuts made by Protectoral engineers had been so precise that Terris had fit inside there with barely a centimeter of space to spare. She was effectively entombed inside sixty meters of solid rock.
Interstellar espionage was not a job for the claustrophobic.
Finally, after days of waiting, the signal came. She was in range. A mental command triggered a series of shaped charges in the rock above her, if such directions existed in microgravity, and forty pea-sized explosives blasted a circular tunnel all the way to the asteroid surface. If just one of them had failed, that rock might have been her tomb.
Terris tried not to think about that as she began climbing her way out. A brief burst from her suit’s EVA thrusters was enough to start her on her way, and the tunnel out was wide enough for her to use her arms and legs to speed things up. Finally, after too long a wait, Terris saw the Neldian sun for the very first time.
There was fire in the distance. Comm chatter on every band. Warships burning hard for the outer system. The Coalition fleet was here.
She zoomed in, far more than she had ever had to before, and she could pick out the faintest flashes of blue as warships exploded in the black. A brief crawl around the asteroid, which also helped to warm up her muscles after days of inactivity, let her discern an attack force engaging the Alliance fleet. After a moment’s hesitation, weighing the risks, Terris activated her passive sensor suite to try and decrypt Alliance military chatter.
Instantly, her sensors were flooded with noise from the defensive bastions. The fleet base at the L5 point was loudest, its comm operators screaming indecipherably at fellow Alliance elements fighting in the black. Neldian orbit, where the hypercom station was, seemed to be the centerpiece of all the communications traffic. The hypercom, unsurprisingly, was being used as a relay for comm traffic all across the system. Terris made a note to hack its server banks for intelligence, and perhaps leave a timed virus or two to shut down the system after she was gone.
Her suit bleeped, alerting her that she was in optimum position to make the leap to the hypercom. She zoomed in on it, a red and spiked thing just like everything else the Alliance made, and calculated the right trajectory to land right on its metal surface.
Trying to jump from a moving asteroid out past Neldia’s rings and hit a hypercom station barely three hundred meters in diameter was like shooting a rifle from a jumbo jet in hopes of hitting a mosquito down on Earth. A nearly impossible shot, even with Coalition computers to help make the jump, and anyone lucky enough to make it would have been better served bankrupting their local casino at the slot machines.
Terris gave a command to her suit, activating a set of ion thrusters to boost her off the asteroid and adjust her course mid-flight. She’d never believed in luck.
She coasted silent and graceful past the particle guns in high orbit, like a majestic swan flying on a summer wind. Their sensor arrays were directed out, past her, to the far distant parts of space where a trillion tons of steel were locked in deadly battle. Terris really did wish she could smile at the moment. She was about to have unrestricted access to the biggest communications relay in the star system, able to send out viruses and receive vital intelligence that could cripple the Alliance fleet if placed in the right hands. Terris, confident as ever, knew they would be.
She would make the Neldian Armada burn, and they had no idea she was even coming.
She reached the hypercom station in just under a day, agonizingly slow for a woman like her, hovering just above its surface to avoid triggering pressure sensors. After that, it was simple enough to get inside. Terris found it almost trivial to bypass the airlock sensor grid and trigger the outer bulkhead to open unnoticed, its report to the command room destroyed before it ever arrived. Entering the station itself was easy after that.
Here, there was gravity. She could not hover like she had on the outside of the station. But here, there were no pressure sensors. She really had no need to hover.
The corridor she found herself in was large enough, though nothing like the expansive halls of a dreadnought, and a patrol of marines in powered suits trundled towards her obliviously. Terris had made the right call not to wear a Phantom powered suit. She ducked into an alcove, the chameleon suit concealing her from even their impressive sensor batteries, and they passed by with no clue at all.
Terris made it to the server banks with ease. Most of the hypercom’s security measures took the form of warships in orbit, clustered tightly around the planet to prevent exactly this scenario from happening, but those warships were off waging war. The station defenses were hopeless now that she was actually inside.
The data was encrypted, and she could neither access it nor copy it without potentially fatal consequences, but she wasn’t there to steal data. A brief, milliseconds-long connection to the primary server was all it took to riddle the entire system with custom-tailored computer viruses. The viruses were self-replicating, rather like an electronic version of the biological ones on Earth. They worked similarly, too, meant to latch onto outgoing communications signals and remain inert for a certain amount of time before activating and wreaking havoc across cyberspace.
The program would be scoured from the net in seconds once it began its assault, but it would cause plenty of chaos before then. And, with another critical transmission being scheduled to send at around that time, Terris knew her mostly-ineffective virus attack would be just enough of a distraction to make sure its message was heard.
Terris planned to leave the station in approximately thirty minutes. Shortly after that, the fireworks would begin. It was going to be beautiful.
She heard footsteps. A maintenance worker, no doubt. It was time for her to go. She disconnected from the server, taking pains to hide her involvement, and snuck out of the server room like a ghost in the night.
Next was the transmission array. This room was better-guarded, its door being flanked by marines, but Terris slipped inside by trailing behind an officer as he entered on some unknown pretext. After that, her daring and sleight of hand made sure Admiral Dama’s pre-recorded propaganda transmission was uploaded to the hypercom transmitter. It came with a set of instructions bearing the Admiralty’s seal, changed to be anonymous, to ensure as many people as possible heard his message.
In just under one standard hour, the United Human Alliance would be shaken to its very core. Terris had just made sure of it.
It took longer than she had expected for the door to open again and give her a chance to slip out. Terris had spent that time quite productively, downloading as many incoming and outgoing messages as she could to the internal hard drive just by her spinal cord. Even if they were encrypted, they’d be useful intelligence once Coalition codebreakers took a crack at them.
After that, it was trivial to slip past marine patrols and escape to the hull of the hypercom station. Terris found her ride, an Alliance warship by the name of Brightest Thunder, holding orbit just near the hypercom station. Admiral Dama, even if he was no longer an admiral, still had connections.
She charged her ion thrusters by tapping into the station reactor, an act which did not go unnoticed, but by then it was too late to respond. She had completed her incursion. The damage had been done. Perhaps if the Alliance acted swiftly and accurately, they could undo it, but Terris was a careful woman. She had covered her tracks well.
Waving one final goodbye to the crew of the hypercom station, Terris triggered her thrust pack and shot off into the ink.
“You must be my passenger.” A man in an Alliance captain’s uniform was waiting for her in the Brightest Thunder’s airlock. He wore a helmet and gloves, hermetically sealed to his airtight outfit, so he felt no effects from the vacuum of space. “I was sent by Sector Admiral Sheparda Dama,” he announced after a period of silence, “To transport you and whatever you may have safely to the Coalition fleet.” Nothing. Apart from the dull thudding of the ship’s railgun batteries, firing missiles at range to ward off a strike force of Coalition ships, the airlock was quiet as a ghost.
“You cannot expect me to endanger my life and the lives of my crew without at least some identification that you are who you claim to be!” Silence. Captain Senar Trevy had been standing in that airlock for three and a half hours, while his ship was tasked with screening Neldia and her eighteen billion inhabitants from harm, and he was just now wondering if he had been talking to a ghost.
“I am,” came a voice. Cold. Sterile. Inhuman. Exactly the kind Trevy expected from the secret spies of his former admiral.
“So you are.” Captain Trevy thought for a moment. He cycled the airlock. If his guest held hostile intent, one steel bulkhead would make no difference. “I’ve been stocking the crew with handpicked men and women since I received word of the operation,” he explained as they walked through the ship’s corridors. The crewmen he passed thought him insane. “I can’t vouch for them all, but the ship as a whole will obey me.” No response. Sometimes, Captain Trevy thought himself insane as well.
“This is my personal quarters,” he told the specter, stepping inside and sealing the door behind him. “I must warn you, for your own safety, it would be best not to leave it. The crew are mostly still Alliance loyalists.” He looked around, paying no heed to the decorated furniture or artificial sky, and finally shrugged and sighed. “Are you even here, still?”
Terris decloaked. She stood between him and the door, winged and cloaked in black like a demon of ancient myth. “I am.”
“You’re a black angel.” Senar Trevy, to his credit, kept his composure well. “A spy for the Ierad Republic.” He questioned her purpose here. They both knew it.
“You weren’t told?”
“I was told an alien would be coming aboard, but…” Trevy shrugged again, as if to say ‘what am I supposed to do?’ “The admiral vouched for you. That much is enough for me.” He also knew he had no choice in the matter. From what he knew about black angels, his ship had been lost the moment she boarded.
“I could have impersonated him,” said Terris, voice a perfect replica of Captain Trevy’s own. Even his own mother could not have told the difference. “And I’m trained to lie.” She was testing him, gauging his reaction to assess his personality. She was good at that.
“I could have you screened for deception,” Trevy countered, pointing up at a pearl-sized camera in the ceiling. Terris made a note that it was disabled. “And I could have had the technology officers vet your transmission.”
“I’m trained to lie well.” Terris sat down on Captain Trevy’s bed, a spartan thing compared to the sleeping quarters of most officers. There were no chairs in the room, so her options were few. She took off her helmet and tried to at least appear relaxed. In reality, she was anything but. “It comes with the job, really.”
“Fair,” Trevy chuckled, feigning calm. “I suppose the question now becomes whether or not you can trust me.”
“It’s a safe gamble.” Terris made a mental calculation. It would take her between thirty and fifty seconds to kill Captain Trevy, take the bridge, and vent the ship. That was a very safe gamble. “Besides, that’s what a peace treaty is.” Trevy looked confused. “A leap of faith. You trust your enemy to back their word, and you trust them to trust you as well. If we can’t get along here, can’t put aside our differences to work toward a common goal, then the Alliance will be right. And I hate it when they’re right.”
“I’m speaking to you now because I know they are wrong.” That came as no surprise to either of them. “You know, I was once a foreman of a labor crew in the munitions factories. The most productive unit in my sector.” That one did come as a surprise. “As a foreman, you get leeway to make certain decisions regarding the… well, I suppose they are slaves, under your command. Food intake and the like.” Captain Trevy looked pained when he brought up such memories. Terris wasn’t convinced that was how he really felt. “They use it to weed out any potential xeno sympathizers from the populace. Of course, at the time, I wasn’t so empathetic.”
“So you were a slave driver, and you beat your slaves to make them work. I hope every one of those shells was sabotaged.” Terris’ voice dripped with disdain. She had almost forgotten the Alliance captain was her enemy.
“No, I showed mercy,” Trevy defended himself. “I was generous.” This made Terris reconsider. Perhaps Senar Trevy could be an ally, if not a friend. “I won’t say I was a good man, but I wasn’t cruel. I was practical. Strong, healthy, well-treated workers are more productive than the beaten sacks of flesh in the other factories. My crew’s output was unmatched.”
“And?” Terris cocked her head inquisitively. For a high-ranking officer in the space navy of a genocidal regime, Senar Trevy really did not seem so bad. To be fair, however, she had set the bar pretty low.
“I was investigated for anti-human activity.” Terris could have predicted that. She almost did, too. “They sent me to the fleet, and my labor crew was reacquainted with the energy whips and pain beams.” There was no carrot for an Alliance labor slave. Only the stick. “Their productivity fell thirty percent in the first two weeks alone.” He sounded almost mournful as he said that. He was not lamenting the loss in productivity.
“You see,” said Trevy, “Hatred is not natural. It has to be caused, sustained, nurtured from the day a man is born until the day he dies.” With that, at least, Terris agreed. “And, as you’re about to see, a nation built around cruelty or prejudice cannot sustain itself. It will have to apply pressure to maintain its flawed status quo, like it did with me, and the pressure will build and build until it cannot build anymore.” He tapped a few buttons on the data disc in his hand. It began projecting an image of the battle for Neldia. He placed it on the bed next to Terris. “Now it’s breaking.”
“I wonder if they’ll find themselves in need of more shells.” Terris knew it wasn’t just shells. Every time a slave driver prioritized hatred over hard work, put cruelty over their quota, or even just bowed their head and obeyed the traditional dogma, they hurt the Alliance. Across nine worlds, with billions of slaves not working as they could have, things started to add up. “You know, for a superior species, your fleet is really getting its ass kicked right now. Might want to work on that.”
Captain Trevy nodded. His data disc beeped. He was needed on the bridge. “Agreed,” he said. “I hope this war ends soon, and to our mutual benefit. I’d hate to face you on the battlefield.” He picked up the data disc and turned to leave.
“Oh, forgot to mention, there’s a virus embedded in the transmissions you’ve received. Self-replicating. Nasty piece of work.” Terris shifted a bit in her seat. “Almost forgot about that.”
“Well, better to know now than when it’s activated,” Trevy smiled. “I’ll have Technology Officer Galdir investigate it.” With that, he left. His duty to the Alliance was nonexistent, but the men and women under his command still needed him. He had waited too long in the stateroom.
Terris, with nothing better to do, got to work on cracking the encryption in the transmissions she had copied. She failed. A transmission from deep in unknown space, sent from a dreadnought at the head of a task force known only as the Deep Expedition Fleet, was the only message she could read. Its contents, while troubling, mattered little at the moment. What was far more crucial, however, was the message Terris could not decipher. The military battle plan of Janus Ora’s personal armada.
The battle plan that, when analyzed on a Republic starship, would reveal its terrible secret too late.
The Coalition fleet was walking into a trap.
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submitted by ApprehensiveCap6525 to HFY [link] [comments]
It was said that no plan ever survived contact with the enemy. That, at least in the case of Marcus Wayne’s infiltration of Neldia, was proven entirely true.
His ship, the Peacemaker, had undergone an extensive refit before its jump to Neldia to both modify its sensor signature and repair its failing Aegis barrier. The first objective succeeded. The second did not.
One day later, leaving the derelict Ultimate Vigil behind in deep space, the United Human Alliance courier ship Winged Deliverance logged a real space entry at the edge of the Neldia system. Its crew, having spent their waking hours plagued by hallucinations and enduring horrible nightmares as they slept, found this shift very welcome. The worst, though they could hardly believe it, was still yet to come.
“The Neldian fleet is mustering for war,” rumbled the man who had once held the title and security codes of an Alliance sector admiral. Now, he was a traitor to his homeland. “Security will be high.”
“No need to worry, Admiral,” said Marcus Wayne. “Your code will get us through.” It would not.
It took two hours for the Peacemaker, disguised as the Winged Deliverance, to be challenged by the Neldian Armada. “Transmit clearance code,” said an automated voice. Marcus took out a data disc with the admiral's clearance code on it.
“Hold,” said Terris. She was clad in black, her active camouflage offline to save battery, and she had been sitting at the passive sensor console for the past three hours. “Look at this.” A news broadcast popped up in front of Marcus Wayne and his officers. Sector Admiral Sheparda Dama, or at least he was once a sector admiral, had been tried and convicted of high treason.
“It was a secret trial,” Dama said, still in shock at the revelation. “I had no knowledge of this.”
“Well, that tracks, but what do we do now? What code gets us through?”
“Transmit clearance code,” the voice said again, “or adjust course.”
Dama thought for a moment. “Change course,” he said. “We’re not getting through.”
They did. A great sense of defeat took hold in the hearts of the crew. They would never reach the Neldian hypercom. Sheparda Dama, who would have gladly given his life in defense of humankind, would never get the chance to be the man who broke their chains.
The Peacemaker was halfway out of the Neldia system before Terris spoke again. “Hold it,” she said. “I have an idea.”
That was why she had been placed where she was. Clad in an airtight stealth suit. Inside a hollowed-out asteroid. On a ballistic journey to the heart of Neldian space. It was the most insane idea that Marcus Wayne had ever seen.
But, sometimes, insanity was a symptom of genius.
Terris flew past the Neldian Armada undetected. Many asteroids entered the inner system this way, flung by outer-system prospecting ships to the foundries and shipyards in Neldian orbit, and they were thrown and caught so frequently that only the most cursory of inspections was put upon each one. Terris passed the Alliance fleet entirely undetected.
Terris’ chameleon suit could mimic the sensor return of the precious metals it was buried in, at least enough to fool a probing scan, and the cuts made by Protectoral engineers had been so precise that Terris had fit inside there with barely a centimeter of space to spare. She was effectively entombed inside sixty meters of solid rock.
Interstellar espionage was not a job for the claustrophobic.
Finally, after days of waiting, the signal came. She was in range. A mental command triggered a series of shaped charges in the rock above her, if such directions existed in microgravity, and forty pea-sized explosives blasted a circular tunnel all the way to the asteroid surface. If just one of them had failed, that rock might have been her tomb.
Terris tried not to think about that as she began climbing her way out. A brief burst from her suit’s EVA thrusters was enough to start her on her way, and the tunnel out was wide enough for her to use her arms and legs to speed things up. Finally, after too long a wait, Terris saw the Neldian sun for the very first time.
There was fire in the distance. Comm chatter on every band. Warships burning hard for the outer system. The Coalition fleet was here.
She zoomed in, far more than she had ever had to before, and she could pick out the faintest flashes of blue as warships exploded in the black. A brief crawl around the asteroid, which also helped to warm up her muscles after days of inactivity, let her discern an attack force engaging the Alliance fleet. After a moment’s hesitation, weighing the risks, Terris activated her passive sensor suite to try and decrypt Alliance military chatter.
Instantly, her sensors were flooded with noise from the defensive bastions. The fleet base at the L5 point was loudest, its comm operators screaming indecipherably at fellow Alliance elements fighting in the black. Neldian orbit, where the hypercom station was, seemed to be the centerpiece of all the communications traffic. The hypercom, unsurprisingly, was being used as a relay for comm traffic all across the system. Terris made a note to hack its server banks for intelligence, and perhaps leave a timed virus or two to shut down the system after she was gone.
Her suit bleeped, alerting her that she was in optimum position to make the leap to the hypercom. She zoomed in on it, a red and spiked thing just like everything else the Alliance made, and calculated the right trajectory to land right on its metal surface.
Trying to jump from a moving asteroid out past Neldia’s rings and hit a hypercom station barely three hundred meters in diameter was like shooting a rifle from a jumbo jet in hopes of hitting a mosquito down on Earth. A nearly impossible shot, even with Coalition computers to help make the jump, and anyone lucky enough to make it would have been better served bankrupting their local casino at the slot machines.
Terris gave a command to her suit, activating a set of ion thrusters to boost her off the asteroid and adjust her course mid-flight. She’d never believed in luck.
She coasted silent and graceful past the particle guns in high orbit, like a majestic swan flying on a summer wind. Their sensor arrays were directed out, past her, to the far distant parts of space where a trillion tons of steel were locked in deadly battle. Terris really did wish she could smile at the moment. She was about to have unrestricted access to the biggest communications relay in the star system, able to send out viruses and receive vital intelligence that could cripple the Alliance fleet if placed in the right hands. Terris, confident as ever, knew they would be.
She would make the Neldian Armada burn, and they had no idea she was even coming.
She reached the hypercom station in just under a day, agonizingly slow for a woman like her, hovering just above its surface to avoid triggering pressure sensors. After that, it was simple enough to get inside. Terris found it almost trivial to bypass the airlock sensor grid and trigger the outer bulkhead to open unnoticed, its report to the command room destroyed before it ever arrived. Entering the station itself was easy after that.
Here, there was gravity. She could not hover like she had on the outside of the station. But here, there were no pressure sensors. She really had no need to hover.
The corridor she found herself in was large enough, though nothing like the expansive halls of a dreadnought, and a patrol of marines in powered suits trundled towards her obliviously. Terris had made the right call not to wear a Phantom powered suit. She ducked into an alcove, the chameleon suit concealing her from even their impressive sensor batteries, and they passed by with no clue at all.
Terris made it to the server banks with ease. Most of the hypercom’s security measures took the form of warships in orbit, clustered tightly around the planet to prevent exactly this scenario from happening, but those warships were off waging war. The station defenses were hopeless now that she was actually inside.
The data was encrypted, and she could neither access it nor copy it without potentially fatal consequences, but she wasn’t there to steal data. A brief, milliseconds-long connection to the primary server was all it took to riddle the entire system with custom-tailored computer viruses. The viruses were self-replicating, rather like an electronic version of the biological ones on Earth. They worked similarly, too, meant to latch onto outgoing communications signals and remain inert for a certain amount of time before activating and wreaking havoc across cyberspace.
The program would be scoured from the net in seconds once it began its assault, but it would cause plenty of chaos before then. And, with another critical transmission being scheduled to send at around that time, Terris knew her mostly-ineffective virus attack would be just enough of a distraction to make sure its message was heard.
Terris planned to leave the station in approximately thirty minutes. Shortly after that, the fireworks would begin. It was going to be beautiful.
She heard footsteps. A maintenance worker, no doubt. It was time for her to go. She disconnected from the server, taking pains to hide her involvement, and snuck out of the server room like a ghost in the night.
Next was the transmission array. This room was better-guarded, its door being flanked by marines, but Terris slipped inside by trailing behind an officer as he entered on some unknown pretext. After that, her daring and sleight of hand made sure Admiral Dama’s pre-recorded propaganda transmission was uploaded to the hypercom transmitter. It came with a set of instructions bearing the Admiralty’s seal, changed to be anonymous, to ensure as many people as possible heard his message.
In just under one standard hour, the United Human Alliance would be shaken to its very core. Terris had just made sure of it.
It took longer than she had expected for the door to open again and give her a chance to slip out. Terris had spent that time quite productively, downloading as many incoming and outgoing messages as she could to the internal hard drive just by her spinal cord. Even if they were encrypted, they’d be useful intelligence once Coalition codebreakers took a crack at them.
After that, it was trivial to slip past marine patrols and escape to the hull of the hypercom station. Terris found her ride, an Alliance warship by the name of Brightest Thunder, holding orbit just near the hypercom station. Admiral Dama, even if he was no longer an admiral, still had connections.
She charged her ion thrusters by tapping into the station reactor, an act which did not go unnoticed, but by then it was too late to respond. She had completed her incursion. The damage had been done. Perhaps if the Alliance acted swiftly and accurately, they could undo it, but Terris was a careful woman. She had covered her tracks well.
Waving one final goodbye to the crew of the hypercom station, Terris triggered her thrust pack and shot off into the ink.
“You must be my passenger.” A man in an Alliance captain’s uniform was waiting for her in the Brightest Thunder’s airlock. He wore a helmet and gloves, hermetically sealed to his airtight outfit, so he felt no effects from the vacuum of space. “I was sent by Sector Admiral Sheparda Dama,” he announced after a period of silence, “To transport you and whatever you may have safely to the Coalition fleet.” Nothing. Apart from the dull thudding of the ship’s railgun batteries, firing missiles at range to ward off a strike force of Coalition ships, the airlock was quiet as a ghost.
“You cannot expect me to endanger my life and the lives of my crew without at least some identification that you are who you claim to be!” Silence. Captain Senar Trevy had been standing in that airlock for three and a half hours, while his ship was tasked with screening Neldia and her eighteen billion inhabitants from harm, and he was just now wondering if he had been talking to a ghost.
“I am,” came a voice. Cold. Sterile. Inhuman. Exactly the kind Trevy expected from the secret spies of his former admiral.
“So you are.” Captain Trevy thought for a moment. He cycled the airlock. If his guest held hostile intent, one steel bulkhead would make no difference. “I’ve been stocking the crew with handpicked men and women since I received word of the operation,” he explained as they walked through the ship’s corridors. The crewmen he passed thought him insane. “I can’t vouch for them all, but the ship as a whole will obey me.” No response. Sometimes, Captain Trevy thought himself insane as well.
“This is my personal quarters,” he told the specter, stepping inside and sealing the door behind him. “I must warn you, for your own safety, it would be best not to leave it. The crew are mostly still Alliance loyalists.” He looked around, paying no heed to the decorated furniture or artificial sky, and finally shrugged and sighed. “Are you even here, still?”
Terris decloaked. She stood between him and the door, winged and cloaked in black like a demon of ancient myth. “I am.”
“You’re a black angel.” Senar Trevy, to his credit, kept his composure well. “A spy for the Ierad Republic.” He questioned her purpose here. They both knew it.
“You weren’t told?”
“I was told an alien would be coming aboard, but…” Trevy shrugged again, as if to say ‘what am I supposed to do?’ “The admiral vouched for you. That much is enough for me.” He also knew he had no choice in the matter. From what he knew about black angels, his ship had been lost the moment she boarded.
“I could have impersonated him,” said Terris, voice a perfect replica of Captain Trevy’s own. Even his own mother could not have told the difference. “And I’m trained to lie.” She was testing him, gauging his reaction to assess his personality. She was good at that.
“I could have you screened for deception,” Trevy countered, pointing up at a pearl-sized camera in the ceiling. Terris made a note that it was disabled. “And I could have had the technology officers vet your transmission.”
“I’m trained to lie well.” Terris sat down on Captain Trevy’s bed, a spartan thing compared to the sleeping quarters of most officers. There were no chairs in the room, so her options were few. She took off her helmet and tried to at least appear relaxed. In reality, she was anything but. “It comes with the job, really.”
“Fair,” Trevy chuckled, feigning calm. “I suppose the question now becomes whether or not you can trust me.”
“It’s a safe gamble.” Terris made a mental calculation. It would take her between thirty and fifty seconds to kill Captain Trevy, take the bridge, and vent the ship. That was a very safe gamble. “Besides, that’s what a peace treaty is.” Trevy looked confused. “A leap of faith. You trust your enemy to back their word, and you trust them to trust you as well. If we can’t get along here, can’t put aside our differences to work toward a common goal, then the Alliance will be right. And I hate it when they’re right.”
“I’m speaking to you now because I know they are wrong.” That came as no surprise to either of them. “You know, I was once a foreman of a labor crew in the munitions factories. The most productive unit in my sector.” That one did come as a surprise. “As a foreman, you get leeway to make certain decisions regarding the… well, I suppose they are slaves, under your command. Food intake and the like.” Captain Trevy looked pained when he brought up such memories. Terris wasn’t convinced that was how he really felt. “They use it to weed out any potential xeno sympathizers from the populace. Of course, at the time, I wasn’t so empathetic.”
“So you were a slave driver, and you beat your slaves to make them work. I hope every one of those shells was sabotaged.” Terris’ voice dripped with disdain. She had almost forgotten the Alliance captain was her enemy.
“No, I showed mercy,” Trevy defended himself. “I was generous.” This made Terris reconsider. Perhaps Senar Trevy could be an ally, if not a friend. “I won’t say I was a good man, but I wasn’t cruel. I was practical. Strong, healthy, well-treated workers are more productive than the beaten sacks of flesh in the other factories. My crew’s output was unmatched.”
“And?” Terris cocked her head inquisitively. For a high-ranking officer in the space navy of a genocidal regime, Senar Trevy really did not seem so bad. To be fair, however, she had set the bar pretty low.
“I was investigated for anti-human activity.” Terris could have predicted that. She almost did, too. “They sent me to the fleet, and my labor crew was reacquainted with the energy whips and pain beams.” There was no carrot for an Alliance labor slave. Only the stick. “Their productivity fell thirty percent in the first two weeks alone.” He sounded almost mournful as he said that. He was not lamenting the loss in productivity.
“You see,” said Trevy, “Hatred is not natural. It has to be caused, sustained, nurtured from the day a man is born until the day he dies.” With that, at least, Terris agreed. “And, as you’re about to see, a nation built around cruelty or prejudice cannot sustain itself. It will have to apply pressure to maintain its flawed status quo, like it did with me, and the pressure will build and build until it cannot build anymore.” He tapped a few buttons on the data disc in his hand. It began projecting an image of the battle for Neldia. He placed it on the bed next to Terris. “Now it’s breaking.”
“I wonder if they’ll find themselves in need of more shells.” Terris knew it wasn’t just shells. Every time a slave driver prioritized hatred over hard work, put cruelty over their quota, or even just bowed their head and obeyed the traditional dogma, they hurt the Alliance. Across nine worlds, with billions of slaves not working as they could have, things started to add up. “You know, for a superior species, your fleet is really getting its ass kicked right now. Might want to work on that.”
Captain Trevy nodded. His data disc beeped. He was needed on the bridge. “Agreed,” he said. “I hope this war ends soon, and to our mutual benefit. I’d hate to face you on the battlefield.” He picked up the data disc and turned to leave.
“Oh, forgot to mention, there’s a virus embedded in the transmissions you’ve received. Self-replicating. Nasty piece of work.” Terris shifted a bit in her seat. “Almost forgot about that.”
“Well, better to know now than when it’s activated,” Trevy smiled. “I’ll have Technology Officer Galdir investigate it.” With that, he left. His duty to the Alliance was nonexistent, but the men and women under his command still needed him. He had waited too long in the stateroom.
Terris, with nothing better to do, got to work on cracking the encryption in the transmissions she had copied. She failed. A transmission from deep in unknown space, sent from a dreadnought at the head of a task force known only as the Deep Expedition Fleet, was the only message she could read. Its contents, while troubling, mattered little at the moment. What was far more crucial, however, was the message Terris could not decipher. The military battle plan of Janus Ora’s personal armada.
The battle plan that, when analyzed on a Republic starship, would reveal its terrible secret too late.
The Coalition fleet was walking into a trap.
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2024.05.18 21:15 OhGawDuhhh The Cursed Video Tape scene from Ehren Kruger's screenplay for 'The Ring' (2002)
INT. CABIN #12 - DUSK
A BLACK TV SCREEN fills frame. Silent and stoic.
Rachel sits on the couch, regarding the tape in her hands. Plain black tape, plain white sleeve.
Just the etched "ring" on its spine to suggest it's something other than blank.
Shadows lengthen in the room. Rachel glances to the window. The sun has almost set. Last vestiges of light FLARE through the branches of the maple outside.
She stares out for a long moment. Then pulls the tape from its sleeve.
She kneels at the VCR and inserts it in the VCR. She turns on the TV: STATIC fills the screen.
She glances to the window, just as the sun dips from view. The branch-shadows behind her fade.
Rachel looks back to the snowy screen and hits "Play." The screen goes black.
A low hum from the VCR as the tape turns.
The screen stays black.
Then WOBBLES, as if losing vertical and horizontal hold. A streak of lost pixels rolls sideways--
And then re-balances. Black screen.
Swiftly, another WOBBLE. This time, a hiccup of SOUND: like crashing WAVES. A beat of silent blackness -- and then a swerving, scrolling image -- an ECLIPSE -- a black orb covering a white moon, casting a bright "ring"-- --
which wavers as pixels slide and JAG, as if trying to "tune in" the image--
ON FULL SCREEN
As it goes black.
Silence. And with a BUZZING SEAR, the "ring" image SLASHES back. Buzz. Wobble. Hiss. Image locks -- on steady pictures:
A RED WOODEN LADDER leans against a rustic wall. A strange LOW MOAN on the audio track. Undulating ...
Then a TERRIFYING FAST-MOTION SHUDDER: something spasms under black plastic. Jarring nails-on-chalkboard SOUNDS--
FULL-SCREEN STATIC. The static flows and swells, as if liquid.
A FLY feels its way across the screen-corner in SILHOUETTE.
Suddenly, the BLACK SPASMING--
Then a DARK ANIMAL EYE stares through a keyhole--
More SPASMS, too fast to identify the source--
A VIDEO WOBBLE shakes across frame, a lightning-sear of stuttered pixels before lMAGE RESETS--
A BRIGHT WHITE HOSPITAL ROOM. A single chair in room's center. The MOAN resumes...
... and continues under a shot of OBSCURE SHAPES, lying on a sloping nighttime beach. Surf washes, moving them slightly-- --
as a FLASH OF LIGHT reveals the shapes to be beached CARCASSES OF UNKNOWN ANIMALS-- --
then suddenly pixels slide and jag with a FLASH CUT of the eclipse -- the moan track disappears as--
BLACKNESS. As COMB TEETH rip through, streaking LIGHT--
--OVEREXPOSING a gaping MOUTH with a thin, hairy UMBILICAL emerging from within.
The freakish SPASMING again--
A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN AN OVAL MIRROR, IN A WHITE GOWN. She calmly brushes her hair. The undulating MOAN is there.
JUMP CUT: The MIRROR MOVES.Switches position to the wall's other end, reflecting the woman, now in the distance, walking away into shadow--
--then JUMPS BACK. The seated woman (as before) half-glances over her shoulder. Smiles into the mirror like she's smiling directly at the viewer.
A SUDDEN JOLT: SCRAPING METAL as GRIDS and DOTS appear. An EYECHART with letters turned backwards.
FLASH CUT: DROPLETS OF WATER trickle toward center-frame, congealing into a PUDDLE.
FLASH CUT: The SPED-UP SPASMS behind black plastic.
A lone tree in a forest is ON FIRE. BOLD, RED FLAMES.A surrealist-touch to the image, the foliage translucent. Distorted MOANING constant ...
FLASHCUT: Roiling, foamy WHITE WATER, turning slowly BLOOD RED.
FLASHCUT: the keyhole EYE.
FLASHCUT: The FAST-MOTION SPASMS, now BATTERING the frame, causing the image ~ to bounce and shake.
And as the IMAGE LOSES HOLD, slippng with SEARS of STATIC, with the UNDULATING MOANS and SHRILL BARKS AND SCRAPES building to a crescendo--
-and an IMAGE of a BRIGHT WHITE MOON, high in a pitch black sky. (The sound of DISTANT WAVES and a faint, scratchy KEENING accompanies this image -- the same whispers heard beyond the door before Katie's death.)
A black orb slowly SLIDES ACROSS it -- as ANGLE closes in. And as it fully ECLIPSES it -- a RING OF LIGHT shines a "halo" outline-- --the image loses hold, jarring and skidding and then--
--becoming an image of a STONE MOUND in a wooded clearing. The whisper-keening continues for three seconds...
... until the screen jags to WHITE NOISE. Tape's over.
ANGLE ON RACHEL
She stares at the screen, breathless.
CONTINUED:
The room's grown totally dark. She swallows, takes a deep breath and reaches to shut off the TV.
The screen goes black -- with a blurred reflection of Rachel, and a FIGURE IN WHITE far behind her, RECEDING into darkness--
Rachel spins! But there's no one there.
Just a shadowy room. She settles, shutting her eyes ...
AS THE PHONE RINGS
Rachel jumps, goes dead pale.
It TRILLS once. Twice. Three times.
Rachel stands shakily. She steps to the phone ... and lifts it from the cradle. Puts to her ear ...
...and hears the SOUNDS of distant waves, a faint and raspy high-pitched WHISPER-KEENING, and then ...
DISTORTED VOICE (O.S.) Sevvveeeenn Daayyzzz ...
She slams down the phone!
EXT. CABIN #12 - NIGHT ~
Rachel darts outside, spinning for signs of someone watching her. But the night's still.
She's breathing hard. Her eyes are searching.
She's all alone.
CUT TO BLACK.
submitted by OhGawDuhhh to horror [link] [comments]
A BLACK TV SCREEN fills frame. Silent and stoic.
Rachel sits on the couch, regarding the tape in her hands. Plain black tape, plain white sleeve.
Just the etched "ring" on its spine to suggest it's something other than blank.
Shadows lengthen in the room. Rachel glances to the window. The sun has almost set. Last vestiges of light FLARE through the branches of the maple outside.
She stares out for a long moment. Then pulls the tape from its sleeve.
She kneels at the VCR and inserts it in the VCR. She turns on the TV: STATIC fills the screen.
She glances to the window, just as the sun dips from view. The branch-shadows behind her fade.
Rachel looks back to the snowy screen and hits "Play." The screen goes black.
A low hum from the VCR as the tape turns.
The screen stays black.
Then WOBBLES, as if losing vertical and horizontal hold. A streak of lost pixels rolls sideways--
And then re-balances. Black screen.
Swiftly, another WOBBLE. This time, a hiccup of SOUND: like crashing WAVES. A beat of silent blackness -- and then a swerving, scrolling image -- an ECLIPSE -- a black orb covering a white moon, casting a bright "ring"-- --
which wavers as pixels slide and JAG, as if trying to "tune in" the image--
ON FULL SCREEN
As it goes black.
Silence. And with a BUZZING SEAR, the "ring" image SLASHES back. Buzz. Wobble. Hiss. Image locks -- on steady pictures:
A RED WOODEN LADDER leans against a rustic wall. A strange LOW MOAN on the audio track. Undulating ...
Then a TERRIFYING FAST-MOTION SHUDDER: something spasms under black plastic. Jarring nails-on-chalkboard SOUNDS--
FULL-SCREEN STATIC. The static flows and swells, as if liquid.
A FLY feels its way across the screen-corner in SILHOUETTE.
Suddenly, the BLACK SPASMING--
Then a DARK ANIMAL EYE stares through a keyhole--
More SPASMS, too fast to identify the source--
A VIDEO WOBBLE shakes across frame, a lightning-sear of stuttered pixels before lMAGE RESETS--
A BRIGHT WHITE HOSPITAL ROOM. A single chair in room's center. The MOAN resumes...
... and continues under a shot of OBSCURE SHAPES, lying on a sloping nighttime beach. Surf washes, moving them slightly-- --
as a FLASH OF LIGHT reveals the shapes to be beached CARCASSES OF UNKNOWN ANIMALS-- --
then suddenly pixels slide and jag with a FLASH CUT of the eclipse -- the moan track disappears as--
BLACKNESS. As COMB TEETH rip through, streaking LIGHT--
--OVEREXPOSING a gaping MOUTH with a thin, hairy UMBILICAL emerging from within.
The freakish SPASMING again--
A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN AN OVAL MIRROR, IN A WHITE GOWN. She calmly brushes her hair. The undulating MOAN is there.
JUMP CUT: The MIRROR MOVES.Switches position to the wall's other end, reflecting the woman, now in the distance, walking away into shadow--
--then JUMPS BACK. The seated woman (as before) half-glances over her shoulder. Smiles into the mirror like she's smiling directly at the viewer.
A SUDDEN JOLT: SCRAPING METAL as GRIDS and DOTS appear. An EYECHART with letters turned backwards.
FLASH CUT: DROPLETS OF WATER trickle toward center-frame, congealing into a PUDDLE.
FLASH CUT: The SPED-UP SPASMS behind black plastic.
A lone tree in a forest is ON FIRE. BOLD, RED FLAMES.A surrealist-touch to the image, the foliage translucent. Distorted MOANING constant ...
FLASHCUT: Roiling, foamy WHITE WATER, turning slowly BLOOD RED.
FLASHCUT: the keyhole EYE.
FLASHCUT: The FAST-MOTION SPASMS, now BATTERING the frame, causing the image ~ to bounce and shake.
And as the IMAGE LOSES HOLD, slippng with SEARS of STATIC, with the UNDULATING MOANS and SHRILL BARKS AND SCRAPES building to a crescendo--
-and an IMAGE of a BRIGHT WHITE MOON, high in a pitch black sky. (The sound of DISTANT WAVES and a faint, scratchy KEENING accompanies this image -- the same whispers heard beyond the door before Katie's death.)
A black orb slowly SLIDES ACROSS it -- as ANGLE closes in. And as it fully ECLIPSES it -- a RING OF LIGHT shines a "halo" outline-- --the image loses hold, jarring and skidding and then--
--becoming an image of a STONE MOUND in a wooded clearing. The whisper-keening continues for three seconds...
... until the screen jags to WHITE NOISE. Tape's over.
ANGLE ON RACHEL
She stares at the screen, breathless.
CONTINUED:
The room's grown totally dark. She swallows, takes a deep breath and reaches to shut off the TV.
The screen goes black -- with a blurred reflection of Rachel, and a FIGURE IN WHITE far behind her, RECEDING into darkness--
Rachel spins! But there's no one there.
Just a shadowy room. She settles, shutting her eyes ...
AS THE PHONE RINGS
Rachel jumps, goes dead pale.
It TRILLS once. Twice. Three times.
Rachel stands shakily. She steps to the phone ... and lifts it from the cradle. Puts to her ear ...
...and hears the SOUNDS of distant waves, a faint and raspy high-pitched WHISPER-KEENING, and then ...
DISTORTED VOICE (O.S.) Sevvveeeenn Daayyzzz ...
She slams down the phone!
EXT. CABIN #12 - NIGHT ~
Rachel darts outside, spinning for signs of someone watching her. But the night's still.
She's breathing hard. Her eyes are searching.
She's all alone.
CUT TO BLACK.
2024.05.18 19:45 jenyad20 Cruised with MSC, don't think I'll be doing that again.
For context, it was my second cruise, on MSC World Europa, my first one was on RC Rhapsody of the Seas, so that's what I'll use as reference when comparing. Most of the experience was not really bad, just a bit worse than RC, but on the last day they tried to steal 60 euros for me, and one of their employees told me to get out of the elevator because there was a VIP guy there, so that seals it up.
I would like to start with the ship, you would think that a new giant ship would be better than a 30 year old much smaller ship, and yet next time I would choose Rhapsody in a blink of an eye. Europa doesn't have promenades on the side of the ship except on the pool deck which is full of people during the day and is wet (due to being washed) at night. The promenade on the 8th floor you're just walking like between two blocks of buildings until you finally reach the back of the ship to actually see the sea, and there are also tons of people there. On Rhapsody you got decks in the middle of the ship where you can just get out, sit under the life boats and just enjoy the sea quietly.
The ship design is not very well thought of, for instance we were on deck 5, if we wanted to go to adults only pool on deck 18, we needed to either first get on floor 8, and then a different elevator on 18, or go directly to 18, but walk in bathing suits through the buffet.
The food, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't "good", on RC we we're wondering "why would you pay for specialty restaurants when you got this great food already included?", on MSC we understood "that's why". I can't remember a single really good meal the entire cruise.
The pools, Rhapsody had the adults only area covered and with hot tubs, while on Europa there were no hot tubs in the adults only area and it was open. When the weather wasn't sunny, you could only use the botanical garden pool, which wasn't nearly big enough for such number of people on the ship. No free chairs, lines to the hot tubs, too many people in the pool, WAY too much chlorine in the water. But the worst part was the lack of water near the pools, you're under the sun in salty water, you need to drink, on Rhapsody they had a drink station near every pool, which included not just water but also some sweet beverages, on Europa I got out of the pool, went looking for some water, at the bar they told me they could only sell me bottled water, and if I want to just have a glass of regular water I need to go to the buffet, in my wet swimming trunks.
The staff members. That's where MSC got to really "shine", on Rhapsody we were welcomed, once we got to our room we were greeted by a guy named Htun, told us everything, every time we had a question or an issue, we knew he was the guy to talk to, extremely helpful and nice. On Europa, we embarked, nothing, just go to your room and figure it out by yourself. At the restaurant in the evening, the service was extremely slow, we had dinner at 19:45 so we booked our theater shows for 21:00, yet a couple of times we still had to decide if we want to skip desert or the show. At the buffet however, every table got a button to call the waiter if we need something, we didn't press it, we could handle things ourselves, yet the servers kept bugging us offering us to purchase additional packages. The staff mostly had very poor English, so if we needed something we had to use very simple sentences, they didn't know the ship well, had to ask about 5 workers until one could finally explain to us how to get to the Zen pool (the adults only pool).
The 60 euro overcharge story - During our day in Marseille we asked our room to be cleaned, that's including changing the wet towels, once we come back we find out that the pool towels are missing, the cleaning crew took old ones, didn't put new ones, ok, mistakes happen. I'm calling room service to tell them the story, yet we had to wait 20 minutes for them to bring us new towels so we could go to the pool, not happy about time wasted, but not the end of the world. Fast forward 3 days, on the day of our disembarkation I look at my credit card statement, and notice the night before, specifically at 20:18 they added 60 euro laundry service to our bill, so I call to investigate, and they tell me its the charge for the two lost towels, now I'm pissed, first I try to solve this on the phone, and they tell me they'll check and call me back, so on my last day instead of eating breakfast or enjoying the pool I'm waiting by the phone, of course nobody calls, so I go down to the reception, explain the story to them again, they say they'll check and get back to me, after I refuse to move and kept just standing there they finally called the manager of the room service to come. So he says they need to search the room to make sure the towels aren't there, so we go to the room, and of course there are a couple of wet pool towels on the floor, so he downplays the entire thing, says "ok those are the towels we were looking for, we'll remove that from your bill", what was I suppose to do? bring the towels to the reception? that's bullshit. And I don't believe it was an honest mistake, because if it was, they would add the towels to my bill a few nights before, the fact that they tried to add it a night before we get off, they were hoping I wouldn't notice until after I get off because during the disembarkation day everyone is just trying to enjoy the ship one last time.
As a bonus, while packing our luggage, we discovered a sock in our room, not our sock, that was there for at least a week under the sofa. So much it tells you about how well they clean the rooms.
I can go on and on about other issues, with their app, website and other stuff, but I think you get the general picture.
submitted by jenyad20 to Cruise [link] [comments]
I would like to start with the ship, you would think that a new giant ship would be better than a 30 year old much smaller ship, and yet next time I would choose Rhapsody in a blink of an eye. Europa doesn't have promenades on the side of the ship except on the pool deck which is full of people during the day and is wet (due to being washed) at night. The promenade on the 8th floor you're just walking like between two blocks of buildings until you finally reach the back of the ship to actually see the sea, and there are also tons of people there. On Rhapsody you got decks in the middle of the ship where you can just get out, sit under the life boats and just enjoy the sea quietly.
The ship design is not very well thought of, for instance we were on deck 5, if we wanted to go to adults only pool on deck 18, we needed to either first get on floor 8, and then a different elevator on 18, or go directly to 18, but walk in bathing suits through the buffet.
The food, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't "good", on RC we we're wondering "why would you pay for specialty restaurants when you got this great food already included?", on MSC we understood "that's why". I can't remember a single really good meal the entire cruise.
The pools, Rhapsody had the adults only area covered and with hot tubs, while on Europa there were no hot tubs in the adults only area and it was open. When the weather wasn't sunny, you could only use the botanical garden pool, which wasn't nearly big enough for such number of people on the ship. No free chairs, lines to the hot tubs, too many people in the pool, WAY too much chlorine in the water. But the worst part was the lack of water near the pools, you're under the sun in salty water, you need to drink, on Rhapsody they had a drink station near every pool, which included not just water but also some sweet beverages, on Europa I got out of the pool, went looking for some water, at the bar they told me they could only sell me bottled water, and if I want to just have a glass of regular water I need to go to the buffet, in my wet swimming trunks.
The staff members. That's where MSC got to really "shine", on Rhapsody we were welcomed, once we got to our room we were greeted by a guy named Htun, told us everything, every time we had a question or an issue, we knew he was the guy to talk to, extremely helpful and nice. On Europa, we embarked, nothing, just go to your room and figure it out by yourself. At the restaurant in the evening, the service was extremely slow, we had dinner at 19:45 so we booked our theater shows for 21:00, yet a couple of times we still had to decide if we want to skip desert or the show. At the buffet however, every table got a button to call the waiter if we need something, we didn't press it, we could handle things ourselves, yet the servers kept bugging us offering us to purchase additional packages. The staff mostly had very poor English, so if we needed something we had to use very simple sentences, they didn't know the ship well, had to ask about 5 workers until one could finally explain to us how to get to the Zen pool (the adults only pool).
The 60 euro overcharge story - During our day in Marseille we asked our room to be cleaned, that's including changing the wet towels, once we come back we find out that the pool towels are missing, the cleaning crew took old ones, didn't put new ones, ok, mistakes happen. I'm calling room service to tell them the story, yet we had to wait 20 minutes for them to bring us new towels so we could go to the pool, not happy about time wasted, but not the end of the world. Fast forward 3 days, on the day of our disembarkation I look at my credit card statement, and notice the night before, specifically at 20:18 they added 60 euro laundry service to our bill, so I call to investigate, and they tell me its the charge for the two lost towels, now I'm pissed, first I try to solve this on the phone, and they tell me they'll check and call me back, so on my last day instead of eating breakfast or enjoying the pool I'm waiting by the phone, of course nobody calls, so I go down to the reception, explain the story to them again, they say they'll check and get back to me, after I refuse to move and kept just standing there they finally called the manager of the room service to come. So he says they need to search the room to make sure the towels aren't there, so we go to the room, and of course there are a couple of wet pool towels on the floor, so he downplays the entire thing, says "ok those are the towels we were looking for, we'll remove that from your bill", what was I suppose to do? bring the towels to the reception? that's bullshit. And I don't believe it was an honest mistake, because if it was, they would add the towels to my bill a few nights before, the fact that they tried to add it a night before we get off, they were hoping I wouldn't notice until after I get off because during the disembarkation day everyone is just trying to enjoy the ship one last time.
As a bonus, while packing our luggage, we discovered a sock in our room, not our sock, that was there for at least a week under the sofa. So much it tells you about how well they clean the rooms.
I can go on and on about other issues, with their app, website and other stuff, but I think you get the general picture.
2024.05.18 19:43 DutyTop8086 How Much Money Do I Need to Start an FBA Business on Amazon?
1. Amazon Store Rent
First, let's talk about the monthly rent for an Amazon store. Registering an Amazon store is free, but using a company registration instead of a personal one is recommended. This approach is safer and has a higher approval rate. After registering, you can choose between an Individual account and a Professional account.
Individual Account: This account has no monthly fee, but you'll pay Amazon $0.99 for each item you sell. It’s suitable for sellers who are just starting out and have lower sales volumes.
Professional Account: This account costs $39.99 per month, but you won’t pay a fee per sale. This option is more cost-effective if you sell more than 40 items per month.
Recommendation: If you’re just starting and your sales are low, opt for the Individual account. As your sales increase and you consistently sell more than 40 items per month, switch to the Professional account to save on per-item fees.
Popular Paid Tools: JungleScout and Helium10
JungleScout: Priced at $49/month, JungleScout is widely recognized for its comprehensive suite of tools designed to help sellers identify profitable products, estimate sales, and analyze competition. Its features include:
Product Database: Allows you to filter products based on various criteria like price, sales, and competition.
Product Tracker: Helps track the performance of potential products over time.
Keyword Scout: Provides keyword research and optimization suggestions to enhance product listings.
Sales Analytics: Offers insights into sales trends and revenue estimates.
Helium10: At $79/month, Helium10 is another powerful tool that provides a wide range of functionalities for Amazon sellers. Key features include:
Black Box: A product research tool that allows you to find profitable niches.
Xray: A Chrome extension that gives you a quick overview of product performance metrics directly on Amazon.
Keyword Research: Tools like Cerebro and Magnet help you discover and optimize for high-ranking keywords.
Listing Optimization: Features like Scribbles and Index Checker ensure your product listings are optimized for maximum visibility.
Free Tool: 4SELLER
4SELLER: For those who are looking for a budget-friendly option, 4SELLER is a free tool that offers a robust set of features to aid in product selection and management. It includes:
Product Selection: Assists in identifying profitable products by analyzing market trends and competition.
Inventory Management: Helps track inventory levels, forecast demand, and manage stock efficiently to prevent overstocking or stockouts.
Supplier Finder: Aids in locating reliable suppliers, which is essential for maintaining product quality and consistency.
Why Product Selection Tools are Essential
Using product selection tools is vital because they provide data-driven insights that help you make informed decisions. These tools can save you time and reduce the risk of choosing products that may not sell well. They offer features that allow you to:
Identify Trends: By analyzing market data, these tools help you stay ahead of trends and capitalize on emerging opportunities.
Evaluate Competition: Understanding your competition is crucial. These tools provide detailed analysis of competitors' products, pricing strategies, and sales performance.
Optimize Listings: Well-optimized product listings are more likely to attract buyers. These tools offer keyword research and listing optimization features that improve your product's visibility on e-commerce platforms.
Manage Inventory: Efficient inventory management ensures you have the right products available at the right time, which is crucial for maintaining customer satisfaction and maximizing sales.
Whether you opt for a paid tool like JungleScout or Helium10, or a free option like 4SELLER, leveraging these tools can significantly enhance your ability to select profitable products, manage inventory effectively, and optimize your listings for better performance.
3. Initial Stock Costs
Purchasing your first batch of products involves a significant initial investment, and the amount required can vary widely depending on the type of products you choose to sell. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider when estimating your initial stock costs:
Factors Influencing Initial Stock Costs
Product Type and Price: The nature of the products you choose to sell will greatly influence your initial costs. Higher-priced items tend to have less competition but require a larger upfront investment. Conversely, cheaper products are more budget-friendly but often come with higher competition.
Quantity: The number of units you decide to purchase initially is another major factor. A common recommendation for new sellers is to start with 200-500 units. This range allows you to test the market demand without overcommitting financially.
Calculating Initial Costs
To estimate your initial stock costs, you need to multiply the quantity of units by the purchase price per unit. Here’s a simplified formula:
Initial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per UnitInitial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per Unit
For instance, if you decide to buy 300 units of a product that costs $5 per unit, your initial stock cost would be:
300 units×$5/unit=$1,500300 units×$5/unit=$1,500
Typical Budget Ranges for New Sellers
Low Budget: If you’re starting with a tighter budget, you might opt for products with a lower purchase price. For example, if you choose items costing around $2 per unit and purchase 200 units, your initial cost would be $400.
Moderate Budget: A more common range for new sellers is between $1,000 and $3,000. This allows for a balance between purchasing a reasonable quantity of units and managing the risk of unsold inventory. For example, buying 400 units at $5 per unit would total $2,000.
Higher Budget: With a larger budget, you can consider higher-priced items that might have less competition. For instance, purchasing 300 units at $10 per unit would result in an initial cost of $3,000.
Why Initial Stock Costs are Important
Understanding and planning for initial stock costs is critical because it ensures you are adequately prepared for the financial outlay required to launch your business. Here are a few reasons why this is essential:
Market Testing: Buying an appropriate number of units allows you to test market demand without over-investing. This way, you can gauge the product's popularity and adjust future orders accordingly.
Cash Flow Management: Proper planning helps manage your cash flow effectively. Ensuring you have enough funds to cover initial stock costs, along with other expenses like marketing and shipping, is crucial for maintaining business operations.
Risk Mitigation: Starting with a moderate quantity of units helps minimize the risk of unsold inventory, which can tie up capital and lead to losses. It’s better to start small, analyze performance, and scale up gradually.
Carefully estimating and planning for your initial stock costs is a vital step in setting up your e-commerce business. By understanding the factors that influence these costs and budgeting accordingly, you can make informed decisions that set the foundation for a successful venture. Whether you have a limited budget or can invest more significantly, strategic planning will help you manage risks and maximize your chances of success.
4. UPC Codes
UPC stands for Universal Product Code, a standardized barcode used by retailers, including Amazon, to track products. Obtaining UPC codes is a critical step in setting up your products for sale. Here’s a detailed explanation of why you need them, where to get them, and the associated costs.
What are UPC Codes?
Definition: UPC codes are unique identifiers assigned to products. Each code consists of a series of black bars and a corresponding 12-digit number that can be scanned by barcode readers.
Purpose: These codes help retailers manage inventory, streamline the checkout process, and track sales. For e-commerce platforms like Amazon, UPC codes ensure each product is uniquely identifiable, reducing errors and simplifying logistics.
Where to Buy UPC Codes
Official Source: GS1: The Global Standards 1 (GS1) organization is the official provider of UPC codes. Purchasing from GS1 ensures the authenticity and uniqueness of your codes, which is crucial for compliance with Amazon’s policies.
Why GS1?: While there are third-party sellers offering UPC codes at lower prices, these codes might not always be unique or compliant with GS1 standards. Using GS1 guarantees that your UPCs are globally recognized and legitimate, preventing potential issues with listing products on Amazon.
Cost of UPC Codes
Initial Purchase: GS1 sells UPC codes in packs. A pack of 10 UPCs costs $250 initially. This upfront cost covers the registration and issuance of the codes.
Annual Renewal Fee: In addition to the initial purchase cost, there is a $50 annual renewal fee. This fee ensures your codes remain active and your registration with GS1 stays current.
Breakdown of Costs
Initial Cost: For a pack of 10 UPC codes, the initial cost is $250.
Annual Renewal: The $50 annual renewal fee applies every year to maintain your codes.
Example Calculation:
If you purchase a pack of 10 UPCs, your total cost for the first year would be:
$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300
In subsequent years, you will only pay the $50 renewal fee to keep your UPCs active.
Why UPC Codes are Important
Inventory Management: UPC codes play a crucial role in inventory management, allowing you to track stock levels accurately. This helps prevent stockouts and overstock situations.
Product Identification: Each UPC code is unique to a specific product, ensuring that Amazon and other retailers can correctly identify and catalog your items. This reduces the risk of listing errors and mix-ups.
Compliance and Credibility: Using GS1-issued UPC codes ensures compliance with Amazon’s listing requirements. This adds credibility to your listings and prevents potential issues that might arise from using unauthorized codes.
Efficiency and Automation: UPC codes facilitate the automation of various processes, including checkout, shipping, and inventory updates. This enhances operational efficiency and reduces manual workload.
Investing in UPC codes from GS1 is an essential step for any e-commerce business aiming to sell on platforms like Amazon. The initial cost of $250 for a pack of 10 UPCs, along with the $50 annual renewal fee, ensures that your products are uniquely identifiable and compliant with global standards. This investment not only helps in effective inventory management but also enhances the credibility and efficiency of your business operations.
5. Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping and distribution costs are critical components of your overall budget when selling on Amazon. These costs encompass various fees and charges that ensure your products reach Amazon’s warehouses and, ultimately, your customers. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider and how these costs can impact your business.
Components of Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping to Amazon’s Warehouse: This involves the costs of transporting your products from your supplier to Amazon’s fulfillment centers. Factors influencing these costs include the size and weight of your products, the shipping method, and the distance between the supplier and the warehouse.
Packaging: Proper packaging is essential to protect your products during transit. This includes boxes, cushioning materials, and labeling.
Inspection Fees: To ensure quality and compliance with Amazon’s standards, you might need to pay for product inspections before they are shipped.
Import Duties and Taxes: If you are importing products from another country, customs duties and taxes will apply. These costs vary based on the product category and the country of origin.
Estimated Shipping Costs by Product Size
Small Items: For smaller products, shipping costs are generally lower. On average, you can expect to pay around $4 per unit for shipping.
Mid-sized Products: For larger or heavier items, shipping costs increase. These costs can range from $8 to $12 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight of the products.
Amazon FBA Fees
Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) Fees: Once your products are in Amazon’s warehouse, the company handles storage, packaging, and shipping to customers. Amazon charges FBA fees for these services, which are based on the size and weight of the product.
Small and Light Items: FBA fees for smaller items typically range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit.
Larger Items: For bigger or heavier products, FBA fees can be higher, reflecting the additional handling and shipping costs.
Breakdown of Costs
Shipping Costs to Amazon’s Warehouse:
Small items: $4 per unit
Mid-sized items: $8-$12 per unit
Amazon FBA Fees:
Small items: $2.92-$6.13 per unit
Larger items: Higher fees depending on size and weight
Example Calculation
If you are shipping 300 small items to Amazon’s warehouse, with each unit costing $4 to ship and an average FBA fee of $4.50, your total costs would be:
Shipping to Warehouse: 300 units×$4/unit=$1,200300 units×$4/unit=$1,200
FBA Fees: 300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350
Total Shipping and Distribution Costs:
$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550
Why Shipping and Distribution Costs are Important
Budget Planning: Understanding and accurately estimating these costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. Unexpected expenses can significantly impact your profitability.
Pricing Strategy: These costs need to be factored into your pricing strategy to ensure you maintain healthy profit margins. Underestimating shipping and distribution costs can erode your margins and affect your competitiveness.
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient shipping and distribution are key to timely delivery and customer satisfaction. Using Amazon FBA ensures reliable and fast shipping, which can enhance your seller ratings and lead to repeat business.
Operational Efficiency: Managing these costs effectively can streamline your operations and improve cash flow. By optimizing packaging, negotiating better shipping rates, and accurately forecasting demand, you can reduce expenses and improve efficiency.
Shipping and distribution costs are a significant part of your overall expenses when selling on Amazon. By carefully estimating these costs, including packaging, inspection fees, import duties, and Amazon FBA fees, you can better manage your budget and pricing strategy. Understanding these costs helps ensure smooth operations, enhances customer satisfaction, and supports your business's profitability and growth.
6. Inventory Storage Costs
Inventory storage costs are a critical consideration when using Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) service. These fees are based on the size and quantity of your inventory stored in Amazon’s warehouses and vary throughout the year. Here’s a detailed breakdown of these costs and their implications for your business.
Amazon’s Storage Fees
Amazon charges monthly storage fees that depend on the size category of your products (standard-size or oversized) and the time of year. The fees are higher during the holiday season (October to December) due to increased demand for warehouse space.
Standard-Size Storage Fees
January to September: $0.83 per cubic foot
October to December: $2.40 per cubic foot
Oversized Storage Fees
January to September: $0.53 per cubic foot
October to December: $1.20 per cubic foot
Calculating Storage Costs
To estimate your storage costs, you need to know the cubic footage of your inventory. Here’s how you can calculate it:
Cubic Footage=Length×Width×HeightCubic Footage=Length×Width×Height
Once you have the cubic footage, multiply it by the applicable storage fee rate.
Example Calculation for Standard-Size Products
Let’s say you have 500 units of a product, each measuring 1 cubic foot. Your storage costs would be:
January to September: 500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415
October to December: 500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200
Example Calculation for Oversized Products
If you have 200 units of an oversized product, each measuring 3 cubic feet, your storage costs would be:
January to September: 600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318
October to December: 600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720
Why Inventory Storage Costs Matter
Budget Management: Accurately estimating storage costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. These costs can add up, especially during peak seasons, impacting your overall profitability.
Inventory Turnover: High storage costs can incentivize better inventory management practices, such as maintaining optimal stock levels and ensuring a higher inventory turnover rate. This helps in reducing long-term storage fees and minimizing the risk of overstocking.
Seasonal Planning: Knowing that storage fees increase during the holiday season can help you plan your inventory levels more effectively. You might choose to stock up on faster-moving items or reduce slower-moving inventory before the fees increase.
Cost Control: By understanding these fees, you can implement strategies to minimize them, such as reducing the size of your packaging, negotiating better storage terms, or using other fulfillment centers if necessary.
Strategies to Manage Storage Costs
Optimize Inventory Levels: Maintain a balance between having enough stock to meet demand and avoiding excess inventory that incurs high storage costs.
Seasonal Adjustments: Plan your inventory levels based on seasonal fluctuations in storage fees, ensuring you minimize costs during peak periods.
Efficient Packaging: Use packaging that minimizes space without compromising product safety. Smaller packaging reduces the cubic footage and, consequently, storage fees.
FBA Inventory Management: Use Amazon’s inventory management tools to monitor and adjust your stock levels based on sales data and forecasts.
Inventory storage costs are an important aspect of selling on Amazon using FBA. These costs, varying by product size and season, can significantly impact your business’s profitability. By accurately estimating these fees and implementing strategies to manage and reduce them, you can optimize your inventory management and control expenses effectively. Understanding and planning for these costs will help ensure a smoother and more profitable operation.
Amazon’s Referral Fees
Amazon charges a referral fee on each sale made through its platform. The percentage varies depending on the product category. Here are some common examples:
Electronics: 8%
Beauty Products: 15%
Books: 15%
Clothing and Accessories: 17%
Home and Kitchen: 15%
How Referral Fees Are Calculated
The referral fee is calculated as a percentage of the total sales price, which includes the item price and any shipping or gift wrap charges.
Referral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee PercentageReferral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee Percentage
Example Calculations
Electronics: If you sell a gadget for $100, the referral fee would be: $100×8%=$8$100×8%=$8
Beauty Products: If you sell a skincare product for $50, the referral fee would be: $50×15%=$7.50$50×15%=$7.50
Why Platform Commission is Important
Pricing Strategy: Knowing the referral fee helps you set your product prices appropriately to ensure you cover costs and achieve desired profit margins.
Profit Margin Calculation: Understanding the commission allows you to accurately calculate your net profit after deducting all fees.
Category Selection: The commission rate can influence your decision on which product categories to focus on. Lower commission rates in certain categories might lead to higher profitability.
Competitive Pricing: Factoring in the referral fee ensures your prices remain competitive while still being profitable.
Impact on Different Product Categories
High-Commission Categories: Categories like beauty products and clothing with higher referral fees require careful pricing to maintain profitability. High fees can significantly impact margins, especially for low-cost items.
Low-Commission Categories: Categories like electronics with lower referral fees can offer better profit margins, but these categories might also have higher competition.
Strategies to Manage Referral Fees
Optimize Pricing: Adjust your pricing to ensure it covers all costs, including the referral fee, while remaining attractive to customers.
Product Selection: Consider the referral fee when selecting products to sell. Products in categories with lower fees might be more profitable.
Bundle Products: Creating product bundles can help increase the average sales price, potentially offsetting the impact of the referral fee.
Platform commission is a significant cost factor when selling on Amazon. By understanding the referral fee structure and calculating these fees accurately, you can make informed decisions about pricing, product selection, and profitability. Properly managing and accounting for these fees ensures your business remains competitive and financially sustainable on the Amazon platform.
8. Advertising Costs
Advertising is a crucial component of your e-commerce strategy, driving visibility and sales for your products on Amazon. Effective advertising can help you reach potential customers quickly, but it requires a financial investment. Here’s a detailed breakdown of advertising costs, strategies, and their impact on your business.
Types of Advertising
Amazon Advertising: The primary form of advertising on Amazon is Pay-Per-Click (PPC) ads. These ads appear in search results and on product detail pages, allowing you to target specific keywords and audiences.
Sponsored Products: These ads promote individual product listings and appear in search results and product pages.
Sponsored Brands: These ads feature your brand logo, a custom headline, and multiple products.
Sponsored Display: These ads target audiences both on and off Amazon, helping to re-engage shoppers who have viewed your products.
Off-Amazon Advertising: To broaden your reach, you can also advertise on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram. These platforms allow for targeted advertising based on demographics, interests, and behaviors.
Budgeting for Advertising
A typical budget for new sellers on Amazon ranges from $700 to $1,000. This budget should cover various advertising strategies, including PPC campaigns and social media ads.
Cost Breakdown
Amazon PPC Ads:
Sponsored Products: These are the most common and can cost anywhere from $0.10 to $2.00 per click, depending on the competitiveness of your keywords.
Sponsored Brands: These ads generally cost more per click due to their higher visibility and brand promotion capabilities.
Sponsored Display: Costs vary but can be effective for retargeting potential customers.
Social Media Advertising:
Facebook Ads: Costs typically range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, depending on targeting options and competition.
Instagram Ads: Similar to Facebook, Instagram ad costs range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, with the advantage of visual storytelling through images and videos.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s allocate a $1,000 advertising budget across different platforms:
Amazon PPC Ads: $600
Sponsored Products: $400
Sponsored Brands: $150
Sponsored Display: $50
Social Media Ads: $400
Facebook Ads: $200
Instagram Ads: $200
Why Advertising is Important
Increased Visibility: Advertising ensures your products appear in front of potential buyers, increasing the likelihood of sales.
Competitive Edge: With many sellers on Amazon, advertising helps you stand out and reach customers who might otherwise not find your products.
Sales Velocity: Effective advertising can boost your sales velocity, improving your product rankings and increasing organic visibility over time.
Strategies for Effective Advertising
Keyword Research: Use tools like Amazon’s Keyword Planner or third-party tools to identify high-performing keywords for your PPC campaigns.
A/B Testing: Continuously test different ad creatives, headlines, and targeting options to find the most effective combinations.
Monitor and Optimize: Regularly review your ad performance data to optimize your campaigns. Adjust bids, pause underperforming keywords, and allocate more budget to high-performing ads.
Leverage Social Media: Use Facebook and Instagram to build brand awareness and drive traffic to your Amazon listings. Engaging content, such as videos and customer testimonials, can enhance ad performance.
Advertising is a vital part of your e-commerce strategy on Amazon and beyond. Allocating a budget of $700 to $1,000 for advertising can significantly enhance your product visibility and drive sales. By utilizing Amazon PPC ads and leveraging social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, you can reach a broader audience and increase your chances of success. Effective advertising requires continuous monitoring and optimization, but the investment can lead to substantial returns in terms of sales growth and brand recognition.
9. Returns and Refunds
Managing returns and refunds is an inevitable part of selling on Amazon. While they can impact your profitability, understanding the associated costs and implementing effective management strategies can help mitigate their effects. Here’s a detailed breakdown of the costs and considerations involved in handling returns and refunds.
Amazon Return Processing Fees
Amazon charges a return processing fee that varies depending on the product’s size and weight. This fee is applied when a customer returns a product, and it covers the cost of handling and processing the return.
Standard-Size Products: Fees for standard-size products are typically lower due to their smaller dimensions and weight.
Oversized Products: Fees for oversized products are higher because of the additional handling and storage space required.
Example Fee Structure
Standard-Size Product Return Fee: Approximately $2 to $5 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Oversized Product Return Fee: Approximately $5 to $20 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Additional Costs of Returns and Refunds
Restocking Fees: Amazon may charge a restocking fee for certain returned items. This fee is deducted from the refund amount and can range from 10% to 20% of the item’s price.
Return Shipping Costs: In some cases, you may be responsible for covering the cost of return shipping, especially if the return is due to a defect or error on your part.
Product Condition: Returned items that are not in resellable condition may need to be disposed of or liquidated, leading to additional losses.
Why Returns and Refunds Matter
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient handling of returns and refunds is crucial for maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction and positive reviews. Poor management can lead to negative feedback and damage your seller reputation.
Cost Management: Understanding and anticipating the costs associated with returns can help you better manage your budget and pricing strategy, ensuring you account for these potential expenses.
Inventory Control: Effective return management helps maintain accurate inventory levels and reduces the risk of overstocking or stockouts.
Strategies to Manage Returns and Refunds
Clear Product Descriptions: Provide detailed and accurate product descriptions to reduce the likelihood of returns due to customer dissatisfaction or misunderstandings.
Quality Control: Implement rigorous quality control measures to minimize defects and errors that could lead to returns.
Customer Service: Offer excellent customer service to address issues promptly and potentially resolve problems without necessitating a return.
Return Policies: Establish clear and fair return policies that balance customer satisfaction with protecting your business from excessive costs.
Example Calculation
Let’s consider you sell 100 units of a product, with an average return rate of 5%. Here’s how you can calculate the potential costs:
Product Price: $50 per unit
Return Rate: 5% (5 units)
Return Processing Fee: $3 per unit
Restocking Fee: 15% of the product price ($7.50 per unit)
Return Shipping Cost: $5 per unit
Total Return and Refund Costs:
Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15 Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50 Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25
Total Costs:
$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50
Handling returns and refunds is a necessary aspect of selling on Amazon, and the associated costs can add up quickly. By understanding the fees and implementing strategies to manage returns effectively, you can minimize their impact on your profitability. Clear product descriptions, stringent quality control, excellent customer service, and well-defined return policies can all contribute to reducing return rates and associated costs. Efficient return management not only helps maintain customer satisfaction but also supports better cost control and inventory management.
Graphic Design for Product Listings
Importance: High-quality graphics and well-designed product listings are essential for attracting customers and conveying professionalism. Poorly designed listings can deter potential buyers.
Costs: Hiring a freelance graphic designer can cost between $50 and $200 per listing, depending on the complexity and the designer's experience.
Services: Graphic design services might include creating product images, infographics, and enhanced brand content (EBC) that highlights your product's features and benefits.
Professional Photography
Importance: Professional photos can make a significant difference in how your product is perceived. High-quality images help build trust with customers and increase conversion rates.
Costs: Professional product photography can range from $100 to $500 per product, depending on the number of images and the photographer’s expertise.
Services: This may include standard product shots, lifestyle images showing the product in use, and detailed close-ups of key features.
Virtual Assistant (VA) Services
Importance: Hiring a virtual assistant can help manage various tasks, such as customer service, inventory management, and order processing. This can free up your time to focus on strategic growth.
Costs: VAs typically charge between $10 and $30 per hour, depending on their skill level and the tasks they perform.
Services: Tasks handled by VAs can include responding to customer inquiries, updating product listings, managing social media accounts, and handling administrative duties.
Other Potential Miscellaneous Expenses
Subscription Services: Tools and software subscriptions for keyword research, inventory management, and sales analytics can cost anywhere from $20 to $200 per month.
Legal and Accounting Services: Professional advice for legal and tax matters is crucial. This can include incorporating your business, trademark registration, and tax preparation, costing several hundred dollars annually.
Packaging Design: Custom packaging design can enhance your brand image and customer experience. Costs can range from $100 to $500, depending on the complexity of the design.
Marketing and Promotional Materials: Additional marketing efforts, such as email campaigns, social media ads, and promotional giveaways, can also add to your expenses.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s break down a potential budget for these miscellaneous expenses:
Graphic Design: $150 per listing for 5 listings = $750
Professional Photography: $300 per product for 3 products = $900
Virtual Assistant: $20 per hour for 10 hours per month = $200 per month
Subscription Services: $100 per month
Legal and Accounting Services: $500 annually
Packaging Design: $300
Marketing and Promotional Materials: $200 per month
Annual Costs:
Graphic Design=$750Graphic Design=$750 Professional Photography=$900Professional Photography=$900 Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400 Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200 Legal and Accounting Services=$500Legal and Accounting Services=$500 Packaging Design=$300Packaging Design=$300 Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400
Total Annual Miscellaneous Expenses:
$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450
Why Miscellaneous Expenses Matter
Professionalism and Trust: Investing in professional services like graphic design and photography enhances your product listings and builds trust with potential customers.
Efficiency and Focus: Hiring a virtual assistant allows you to delegate time-consuming tasks, enabling you to focus on growing your business.
Operational Smoothness: Subscriptions to essential tools and professional legal and accounting services ensure your business operates smoothly and compliantly.
Brand Building: Custom packaging and marketing materials contribute to a strong brand identity, which can lead to increased customer loyalty and repeat business.
Miscellaneous expenses, while sometimes overlooked, play a vital role in the success of your Amazon business. By budgeting for high-quality graphic design, professional photography, virtual assistant services, and other essential tools and services, you can create a professional and efficient operation. These investments not only enhance your product listings and customer experience but also free up your time to focus on strategic growth, ultimately contributing to your business's long-term success.
Summary
Setting up and running an Amazon business involves various costs that need careful consideration to ensure profitability and efficiency. Here’s a summary of the key cost components:
Product Selection Tools: Essential for choosing profitable products, with popular tools like JungleScout ($49/month) and Helium10 ($79/month). Free alternatives like 4SELLER also provide valuable features for product selection and inventory management.
Initial Stock Costs: Depending on the product type and quantity, initial stock costs can range from $1,000 to $3,000. Starting with 200-500 units is recommended to test the market without overcommitting financially.
UPC Codes: Necessary for product tracking, these should be purchased from GS1. A pack of 10 UPC codes costs $250 initially, plus a $50 annual renewal fee.
Shipping and Distribution Costs: Includes fees for shipping products to Amazon’s warehouse and Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) fees, which range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit. Shipping small items might cost around $4 per unit, while mid-sized products could cost $8-$12 per unit.
Inventory Storage Costs: Monthly fees for storing products in Amazon’s warehouse vary by size and season. Standard-size storage costs $0.83 per cubic foot from January to September and $2.40 per cubic foot from October to December. Oversized storage costs $0.53 per cubic foot and $1.20 per cubic foot during these periods, respectively.
Platform Commission: Amazon takes a commission on each sale, typically between 8% and 15%, depending on the product category. For instance, electronics have a referral fee of 8%, while beauty products have a fee of 15%.
Advertising Costs: To drive visibility and sales, set aside $700-$1,000 for advertising. This includes Amazon PPC ads and potentially social media ads on platforms like Facebook and Instagram.
Returns and Refunds: Handling returns incurs costs, including Amazon’s return processing fee, restocking fees, and return shipping costs. These fees vary based on product size and weight.
Miscellaneous Expenses: Other costs include graphic design for product listings ($50-$200 per listing), professional photography ($100-$500 per product), and virtual assistant services ($10-$30 per hour). Additional expenses may include subscription services, legal and accounting services, packaging design, and marketing materials.
In total, you'll need at least $5,000 to start an Amazon FBA business today. Plus, you'll need to spend a lot of time managing your store and optimizing your product listings. This includes continuously monitoring your sales performance, tweaking your advertising strategies, and keeping an eye on competitors to stay ahead in the market.
By understanding and planning for these costs, you can effectively manage your Amazon business, ensuring it remains profitable and efficient while maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction.
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First, let's talk about the monthly rent for an Amazon store. Registering an Amazon store is free, but using a company registration instead of a personal one is recommended. This approach is safer and has a higher approval rate. After registering, you can choose between an Individual account and a Professional account.
Individual Account: This account has no monthly fee, but you'll pay Amazon $0.99 for each item you sell. It’s suitable for sellers who are just starting out and have lower sales volumes.
Professional Account: This account costs $39.99 per month, but you won’t pay a fee per sale. This option is more cost-effective if you sell more than 40 items per month.
Recommendation: If you’re just starting and your sales are low, opt for the Individual account. As your sales increase and you consistently sell more than 40 items per month, switch to the Professional account to save on per-item fees.
- Product Selection Tools
Popular Paid Tools: JungleScout and Helium10
JungleScout: Priced at $49/month, JungleScout is widely recognized for its comprehensive suite of tools designed to help sellers identify profitable products, estimate sales, and analyze competition. Its features include:
Product Database: Allows you to filter products based on various criteria like price, sales, and competition.
Product Tracker: Helps track the performance of potential products over time.
Keyword Scout: Provides keyword research and optimization suggestions to enhance product listings.
Sales Analytics: Offers insights into sales trends and revenue estimates.
Helium10: At $79/month, Helium10 is another powerful tool that provides a wide range of functionalities for Amazon sellers. Key features include:
Black Box: A product research tool that allows you to find profitable niches.
Xray: A Chrome extension that gives you a quick overview of product performance metrics directly on Amazon.
Keyword Research: Tools like Cerebro and Magnet help you discover and optimize for high-ranking keywords.
Listing Optimization: Features like Scribbles and Index Checker ensure your product listings are optimized for maximum visibility.
Free Tool: 4SELLER
4SELLER: For those who are looking for a budget-friendly option, 4SELLER is a free tool that offers a robust set of features to aid in product selection and management. It includes:
Product Selection: Assists in identifying profitable products by analyzing market trends and competition.
Inventory Management: Helps track inventory levels, forecast demand, and manage stock efficiently to prevent overstocking or stockouts.
Supplier Finder: Aids in locating reliable suppliers, which is essential for maintaining product quality and consistency.
Why Product Selection Tools are Essential
Using product selection tools is vital because they provide data-driven insights that help you make informed decisions. These tools can save you time and reduce the risk of choosing products that may not sell well. They offer features that allow you to:
Identify Trends: By analyzing market data, these tools help you stay ahead of trends and capitalize on emerging opportunities.
Evaluate Competition: Understanding your competition is crucial. These tools provide detailed analysis of competitors' products, pricing strategies, and sales performance.
Optimize Listings: Well-optimized product listings are more likely to attract buyers. These tools offer keyword research and listing optimization features that improve your product's visibility on e-commerce platforms.
Manage Inventory: Efficient inventory management ensures you have the right products available at the right time, which is crucial for maintaining customer satisfaction and maximizing sales.
Whether you opt for a paid tool like JungleScout or Helium10, or a free option like 4SELLER, leveraging these tools can significantly enhance your ability to select profitable products, manage inventory effectively, and optimize your listings for better performance.
3. Initial Stock Costs
Purchasing your first batch of products involves a significant initial investment, and the amount required can vary widely depending on the type of products you choose to sell. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider when estimating your initial stock costs:
Factors Influencing Initial Stock Costs
Product Type and Price: The nature of the products you choose to sell will greatly influence your initial costs. Higher-priced items tend to have less competition but require a larger upfront investment. Conversely, cheaper products are more budget-friendly but often come with higher competition.
Quantity: The number of units you decide to purchase initially is another major factor. A common recommendation for new sellers is to start with 200-500 units. This range allows you to test the market demand without overcommitting financially.
Calculating Initial Costs
To estimate your initial stock costs, you need to multiply the quantity of units by the purchase price per unit. Here’s a simplified formula:
Initial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per UnitInitial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per Unit
For instance, if you decide to buy 300 units of a product that costs $5 per unit, your initial stock cost would be:
300 units×$5/unit=$1,500300 units×$5/unit=$1,500
Typical Budget Ranges for New Sellers
Low Budget: If you’re starting with a tighter budget, you might opt for products with a lower purchase price. For example, if you choose items costing around $2 per unit and purchase 200 units, your initial cost would be $400.
Moderate Budget: A more common range for new sellers is between $1,000 and $3,000. This allows for a balance between purchasing a reasonable quantity of units and managing the risk of unsold inventory. For example, buying 400 units at $5 per unit would total $2,000.
Higher Budget: With a larger budget, you can consider higher-priced items that might have less competition. For instance, purchasing 300 units at $10 per unit would result in an initial cost of $3,000.
Why Initial Stock Costs are Important
Understanding and planning for initial stock costs is critical because it ensures you are adequately prepared for the financial outlay required to launch your business. Here are a few reasons why this is essential:
Market Testing: Buying an appropriate number of units allows you to test market demand without over-investing. This way, you can gauge the product's popularity and adjust future orders accordingly.
Cash Flow Management: Proper planning helps manage your cash flow effectively. Ensuring you have enough funds to cover initial stock costs, along with other expenses like marketing and shipping, is crucial for maintaining business operations.
Risk Mitigation: Starting with a moderate quantity of units helps minimize the risk of unsold inventory, which can tie up capital and lead to losses. It’s better to start small, analyze performance, and scale up gradually.
Carefully estimating and planning for your initial stock costs is a vital step in setting up your e-commerce business. By understanding the factors that influence these costs and budgeting accordingly, you can make informed decisions that set the foundation for a successful venture. Whether you have a limited budget or can invest more significantly, strategic planning will help you manage risks and maximize your chances of success.
4. UPC Codes
UPC stands for Universal Product Code, a standardized barcode used by retailers, including Amazon, to track products. Obtaining UPC codes is a critical step in setting up your products for sale. Here’s a detailed explanation of why you need them, where to get them, and the associated costs.
What are UPC Codes?
Definition: UPC codes are unique identifiers assigned to products. Each code consists of a series of black bars and a corresponding 12-digit number that can be scanned by barcode readers.
Purpose: These codes help retailers manage inventory, streamline the checkout process, and track sales. For e-commerce platforms like Amazon, UPC codes ensure each product is uniquely identifiable, reducing errors and simplifying logistics.
Where to Buy UPC Codes
Official Source: GS1: The Global Standards 1 (GS1) organization is the official provider of UPC codes. Purchasing from GS1 ensures the authenticity and uniqueness of your codes, which is crucial for compliance with Amazon’s policies.
Why GS1?: While there are third-party sellers offering UPC codes at lower prices, these codes might not always be unique or compliant with GS1 standards. Using GS1 guarantees that your UPCs are globally recognized and legitimate, preventing potential issues with listing products on Amazon.
Cost of UPC Codes
Initial Purchase: GS1 sells UPC codes in packs. A pack of 10 UPCs costs $250 initially. This upfront cost covers the registration and issuance of the codes.
Annual Renewal Fee: In addition to the initial purchase cost, there is a $50 annual renewal fee. This fee ensures your codes remain active and your registration with GS1 stays current.
Breakdown of Costs
Initial Cost: For a pack of 10 UPC codes, the initial cost is $250.
Annual Renewal: The $50 annual renewal fee applies every year to maintain your codes.
Example Calculation:
If you purchase a pack of 10 UPCs, your total cost for the first year would be:
$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300
In subsequent years, you will only pay the $50 renewal fee to keep your UPCs active.
Why UPC Codes are Important
Inventory Management: UPC codes play a crucial role in inventory management, allowing you to track stock levels accurately. This helps prevent stockouts and overstock situations.
Product Identification: Each UPC code is unique to a specific product, ensuring that Amazon and other retailers can correctly identify and catalog your items. This reduces the risk of listing errors and mix-ups.
Compliance and Credibility: Using GS1-issued UPC codes ensures compliance with Amazon’s listing requirements. This adds credibility to your listings and prevents potential issues that might arise from using unauthorized codes.
Efficiency and Automation: UPC codes facilitate the automation of various processes, including checkout, shipping, and inventory updates. This enhances operational efficiency and reduces manual workload.
Investing in UPC codes from GS1 is an essential step for any e-commerce business aiming to sell on platforms like Amazon. The initial cost of $250 for a pack of 10 UPCs, along with the $50 annual renewal fee, ensures that your products are uniquely identifiable and compliant with global standards. This investment not only helps in effective inventory management but also enhances the credibility and efficiency of your business operations.
5. Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping and distribution costs are critical components of your overall budget when selling on Amazon. These costs encompass various fees and charges that ensure your products reach Amazon’s warehouses and, ultimately, your customers. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider and how these costs can impact your business.
Components of Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping to Amazon’s Warehouse: This involves the costs of transporting your products from your supplier to Amazon’s fulfillment centers. Factors influencing these costs include the size and weight of your products, the shipping method, and the distance between the supplier and the warehouse.
Packaging: Proper packaging is essential to protect your products during transit. This includes boxes, cushioning materials, and labeling.
Inspection Fees: To ensure quality and compliance with Amazon’s standards, you might need to pay for product inspections before they are shipped.
Import Duties and Taxes: If you are importing products from another country, customs duties and taxes will apply. These costs vary based on the product category and the country of origin.
Estimated Shipping Costs by Product Size
Small Items: For smaller products, shipping costs are generally lower. On average, you can expect to pay around $4 per unit for shipping.
Mid-sized Products: For larger or heavier items, shipping costs increase. These costs can range from $8 to $12 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight of the products.
Amazon FBA Fees
Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) Fees: Once your products are in Amazon’s warehouse, the company handles storage, packaging, and shipping to customers. Amazon charges FBA fees for these services, which are based on the size and weight of the product.
Small and Light Items: FBA fees for smaller items typically range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit.
Larger Items: For bigger or heavier products, FBA fees can be higher, reflecting the additional handling and shipping costs.
Breakdown of Costs
Shipping Costs to Amazon’s Warehouse:
Small items: $4 per unit
Mid-sized items: $8-$12 per unit
Amazon FBA Fees:
Small items: $2.92-$6.13 per unit
Larger items: Higher fees depending on size and weight
Example Calculation
If you are shipping 300 small items to Amazon’s warehouse, with each unit costing $4 to ship and an average FBA fee of $4.50, your total costs would be:
Shipping to Warehouse: 300 units×$4/unit=$1,200300 units×$4/unit=$1,200
FBA Fees: 300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350
Total Shipping and Distribution Costs:
$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550
Why Shipping and Distribution Costs are Important
Budget Planning: Understanding and accurately estimating these costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. Unexpected expenses can significantly impact your profitability.
Pricing Strategy: These costs need to be factored into your pricing strategy to ensure you maintain healthy profit margins. Underestimating shipping and distribution costs can erode your margins and affect your competitiveness.
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient shipping and distribution are key to timely delivery and customer satisfaction. Using Amazon FBA ensures reliable and fast shipping, which can enhance your seller ratings and lead to repeat business.
Operational Efficiency: Managing these costs effectively can streamline your operations and improve cash flow. By optimizing packaging, negotiating better shipping rates, and accurately forecasting demand, you can reduce expenses and improve efficiency.
Shipping and distribution costs are a significant part of your overall expenses when selling on Amazon. By carefully estimating these costs, including packaging, inspection fees, import duties, and Amazon FBA fees, you can better manage your budget and pricing strategy. Understanding these costs helps ensure smooth operations, enhances customer satisfaction, and supports your business's profitability and growth.
6. Inventory Storage Costs
Inventory storage costs are a critical consideration when using Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) service. These fees are based on the size and quantity of your inventory stored in Amazon’s warehouses and vary throughout the year. Here’s a detailed breakdown of these costs and their implications for your business.
Amazon’s Storage Fees
Amazon charges monthly storage fees that depend on the size category of your products (standard-size or oversized) and the time of year. The fees are higher during the holiday season (October to December) due to increased demand for warehouse space.
Standard-Size Storage Fees
January to September: $0.83 per cubic foot
October to December: $2.40 per cubic foot
Oversized Storage Fees
January to September: $0.53 per cubic foot
October to December: $1.20 per cubic foot
Calculating Storage Costs
To estimate your storage costs, you need to know the cubic footage of your inventory. Here’s how you can calculate it:
Cubic Footage=Length×Width×HeightCubic Footage=Length×Width×Height
Once you have the cubic footage, multiply it by the applicable storage fee rate.
Example Calculation for Standard-Size Products
Let’s say you have 500 units of a product, each measuring 1 cubic foot. Your storage costs would be:
January to September: 500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415
October to December: 500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200
Example Calculation for Oversized Products
If you have 200 units of an oversized product, each measuring 3 cubic feet, your storage costs would be:
January to September: 600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318
October to December: 600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720
Why Inventory Storage Costs Matter
Budget Management: Accurately estimating storage costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. These costs can add up, especially during peak seasons, impacting your overall profitability.
Inventory Turnover: High storage costs can incentivize better inventory management practices, such as maintaining optimal stock levels and ensuring a higher inventory turnover rate. This helps in reducing long-term storage fees and minimizing the risk of overstocking.
Seasonal Planning: Knowing that storage fees increase during the holiday season can help you plan your inventory levels more effectively. You might choose to stock up on faster-moving items or reduce slower-moving inventory before the fees increase.
Cost Control: By understanding these fees, you can implement strategies to minimize them, such as reducing the size of your packaging, negotiating better storage terms, or using other fulfillment centers if necessary.
Strategies to Manage Storage Costs
Optimize Inventory Levels: Maintain a balance between having enough stock to meet demand and avoiding excess inventory that incurs high storage costs.
Seasonal Adjustments: Plan your inventory levels based on seasonal fluctuations in storage fees, ensuring you minimize costs during peak periods.
Efficient Packaging: Use packaging that minimizes space without compromising product safety. Smaller packaging reduces the cubic footage and, consequently, storage fees.
FBA Inventory Management: Use Amazon’s inventory management tools to monitor and adjust your stock levels based on sales data and forecasts.
Inventory storage costs are an important aspect of selling on Amazon using FBA. These costs, varying by product size and season, can significantly impact your business’s profitability. By accurately estimating these fees and implementing strategies to manage and reduce them, you can optimize your inventory management and control expenses effectively. Understanding and planning for these costs will help ensure a smoother and more profitable operation.
- Platform Commission
Amazon’s Referral Fees
Amazon charges a referral fee on each sale made through its platform. The percentage varies depending on the product category. Here are some common examples:
Electronics: 8%
Beauty Products: 15%
Books: 15%
Clothing and Accessories: 17%
Home and Kitchen: 15%
How Referral Fees Are Calculated
The referral fee is calculated as a percentage of the total sales price, which includes the item price and any shipping or gift wrap charges.
Referral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee PercentageReferral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee Percentage
Example Calculations
Electronics: If you sell a gadget for $100, the referral fee would be: $100×8%=$8$100×8%=$8
Beauty Products: If you sell a skincare product for $50, the referral fee would be: $50×15%=$7.50$50×15%=$7.50
Why Platform Commission is Important
Pricing Strategy: Knowing the referral fee helps you set your product prices appropriately to ensure you cover costs and achieve desired profit margins.
Profit Margin Calculation: Understanding the commission allows you to accurately calculate your net profit after deducting all fees.
Category Selection: The commission rate can influence your decision on which product categories to focus on. Lower commission rates in certain categories might lead to higher profitability.
Competitive Pricing: Factoring in the referral fee ensures your prices remain competitive while still being profitable.
Impact on Different Product Categories
High-Commission Categories: Categories like beauty products and clothing with higher referral fees require careful pricing to maintain profitability. High fees can significantly impact margins, especially for low-cost items.
Low-Commission Categories: Categories like electronics with lower referral fees can offer better profit margins, but these categories might also have higher competition.
Strategies to Manage Referral Fees
Optimize Pricing: Adjust your pricing to ensure it covers all costs, including the referral fee, while remaining attractive to customers.
Product Selection: Consider the referral fee when selecting products to sell. Products in categories with lower fees might be more profitable.
Bundle Products: Creating product bundles can help increase the average sales price, potentially offsetting the impact of the referral fee.
Platform commission is a significant cost factor when selling on Amazon. By understanding the referral fee structure and calculating these fees accurately, you can make informed decisions about pricing, product selection, and profitability. Properly managing and accounting for these fees ensures your business remains competitive and financially sustainable on the Amazon platform.
8. Advertising Costs
Advertising is a crucial component of your e-commerce strategy, driving visibility and sales for your products on Amazon. Effective advertising can help you reach potential customers quickly, but it requires a financial investment. Here’s a detailed breakdown of advertising costs, strategies, and their impact on your business.
Types of Advertising
Amazon Advertising: The primary form of advertising on Amazon is Pay-Per-Click (PPC) ads. These ads appear in search results and on product detail pages, allowing you to target specific keywords and audiences.
Sponsored Products: These ads promote individual product listings and appear in search results and product pages.
Sponsored Brands: These ads feature your brand logo, a custom headline, and multiple products.
Sponsored Display: These ads target audiences both on and off Amazon, helping to re-engage shoppers who have viewed your products.
Off-Amazon Advertising: To broaden your reach, you can also advertise on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram. These platforms allow for targeted advertising based on demographics, interests, and behaviors.
Budgeting for Advertising
A typical budget for new sellers on Amazon ranges from $700 to $1,000. This budget should cover various advertising strategies, including PPC campaigns and social media ads.
Cost Breakdown
Amazon PPC Ads:
Sponsored Products: These are the most common and can cost anywhere from $0.10 to $2.00 per click, depending on the competitiveness of your keywords.
Sponsored Brands: These ads generally cost more per click due to their higher visibility and brand promotion capabilities.
Sponsored Display: Costs vary but can be effective for retargeting potential customers.
Social Media Advertising:
Facebook Ads: Costs typically range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, depending on targeting options and competition.
Instagram Ads: Similar to Facebook, Instagram ad costs range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, with the advantage of visual storytelling through images and videos.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s allocate a $1,000 advertising budget across different platforms:
Amazon PPC Ads: $600
Sponsored Products: $400
Sponsored Brands: $150
Sponsored Display: $50
Social Media Ads: $400
Facebook Ads: $200
Instagram Ads: $200
Why Advertising is Important
Increased Visibility: Advertising ensures your products appear in front of potential buyers, increasing the likelihood of sales.
Competitive Edge: With many sellers on Amazon, advertising helps you stand out and reach customers who might otherwise not find your products.
Sales Velocity: Effective advertising can boost your sales velocity, improving your product rankings and increasing organic visibility over time.
Strategies for Effective Advertising
Keyword Research: Use tools like Amazon’s Keyword Planner or third-party tools to identify high-performing keywords for your PPC campaigns.
A/B Testing: Continuously test different ad creatives, headlines, and targeting options to find the most effective combinations.
Monitor and Optimize: Regularly review your ad performance data to optimize your campaigns. Adjust bids, pause underperforming keywords, and allocate more budget to high-performing ads.
Leverage Social Media: Use Facebook and Instagram to build brand awareness and drive traffic to your Amazon listings. Engaging content, such as videos and customer testimonials, can enhance ad performance.
Advertising is a vital part of your e-commerce strategy on Amazon and beyond. Allocating a budget of $700 to $1,000 for advertising can significantly enhance your product visibility and drive sales. By utilizing Amazon PPC ads and leveraging social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, you can reach a broader audience and increase your chances of success. Effective advertising requires continuous monitoring and optimization, but the investment can lead to substantial returns in terms of sales growth and brand recognition.
9. Returns and Refunds
Managing returns and refunds is an inevitable part of selling on Amazon. While they can impact your profitability, understanding the associated costs and implementing effective management strategies can help mitigate their effects. Here’s a detailed breakdown of the costs and considerations involved in handling returns and refunds.
Amazon Return Processing Fees
Amazon charges a return processing fee that varies depending on the product’s size and weight. This fee is applied when a customer returns a product, and it covers the cost of handling and processing the return.
Standard-Size Products: Fees for standard-size products are typically lower due to their smaller dimensions and weight.
Oversized Products: Fees for oversized products are higher because of the additional handling and storage space required.
Example Fee Structure
Standard-Size Product Return Fee: Approximately $2 to $5 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Oversized Product Return Fee: Approximately $5 to $20 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Additional Costs of Returns and Refunds
Restocking Fees: Amazon may charge a restocking fee for certain returned items. This fee is deducted from the refund amount and can range from 10% to 20% of the item’s price.
Return Shipping Costs: In some cases, you may be responsible for covering the cost of return shipping, especially if the return is due to a defect or error on your part.
Product Condition: Returned items that are not in resellable condition may need to be disposed of or liquidated, leading to additional losses.
Why Returns and Refunds Matter
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient handling of returns and refunds is crucial for maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction and positive reviews. Poor management can lead to negative feedback and damage your seller reputation.
Cost Management: Understanding and anticipating the costs associated with returns can help you better manage your budget and pricing strategy, ensuring you account for these potential expenses.
Inventory Control: Effective return management helps maintain accurate inventory levels and reduces the risk of overstocking or stockouts.
Strategies to Manage Returns and Refunds
Clear Product Descriptions: Provide detailed and accurate product descriptions to reduce the likelihood of returns due to customer dissatisfaction or misunderstandings.
Quality Control: Implement rigorous quality control measures to minimize defects and errors that could lead to returns.
Customer Service: Offer excellent customer service to address issues promptly and potentially resolve problems without necessitating a return.
Return Policies: Establish clear and fair return policies that balance customer satisfaction with protecting your business from excessive costs.
Example Calculation
Let’s consider you sell 100 units of a product, with an average return rate of 5%. Here’s how you can calculate the potential costs:
Product Price: $50 per unit
Return Rate: 5% (5 units)
Return Processing Fee: $3 per unit
Restocking Fee: 15% of the product price ($7.50 per unit)
Return Shipping Cost: $5 per unit
Total Return and Refund Costs:
Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15 Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50 Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25
Total Costs:
$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50
Handling returns and refunds is a necessary aspect of selling on Amazon, and the associated costs can add up quickly. By understanding the fees and implementing strategies to manage returns effectively, you can minimize their impact on your profitability. Clear product descriptions, stringent quality control, excellent customer service, and well-defined return policies can all contribute to reducing return rates and associated costs. Efficient return management not only helps maintain customer satisfaction but also supports better cost control and inventory management.
- Miscellaneous Expenses
Graphic Design for Product Listings
Importance: High-quality graphics and well-designed product listings are essential for attracting customers and conveying professionalism. Poorly designed listings can deter potential buyers.
Costs: Hiring a freelance graphic designer can cost between $50 and $200 per listing, depending on the complexity and the designer's experience.
Services: Graphic design services might include creating product images, infographics, and enhanced brand content (EBC) that highlights your product's features and benefits.
Professional Photography
Importance: Professional photos can make a significant difference in how your product is perceived. High-quality images help build trust with customers and increase conversion rates.
Costs: Professional product photography can range from $100 to $500 per product, depending on the number of images and the photographer’s expertise.
Services: This may include standard product shots, lifestyle images showing the product in use, and detailed close-ups of key features.
Virtual Assistant (VA) Services
Importance: Hiring a virtual assistant can help manage various tasks, such as customer service, inventory management, and order processing. This can free up your time to focus on strategic growth.
Costs: VAs typically charge between $10 and $30 per hour, depending on their skill level and the tasks they perform.
Services: Tasks handled by VAs can include responding to customer inquiries, updating product listings, managing social media accounts, and handling administrative duties.
Other Potential Miscellaneous Expenses
Subscription Services: Tools and software subscriptions for keyword research, inventory management, and sales analytics can cost anywhere from $20 to $200 per month.
Legal and Accounting Services: Professional advice for legal and tax matters is crucial. This can include incorporating your business, trademark registration, and tax preparation, costing several hundred dollars annually.
Packaging Design: Custom packaging design can enhance your brand image and customer experience. Costs can range from $100 to $500, depending on the complexity of the design.
Marketing and Promotional Materials: Additional marketing efforts, such as email campaigns, social media ads, and promotional giveaways, can also add to your expenses.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s break down a potential budget for these miscellaneous expenses:
Graphic Design: $150 per listing for 5 listings = $750
Professional Photography: $300 per product for 3 products = $900
Virtual Assistant: $20 per hour for 10 hours per month = $200 per month
Subscription Services: $100 per month
Legal and Accounting Services: $500 annually
Packaging Design: $300
Marketing and Promotional Materials: $200 per month
Annual Costs:
Graphic Design=$750Graphic Design=$750 Professional Photography=$900Professional Photography=$900 Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400 Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200 Legal and Accounting Services=$500Legal and Accounting Services=$500 Packaging Design=$300Packaging Design=$300 Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400
Total Annual Miscellaneous Expenses:
$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450
Why Miscellaneous Expenses Matter
Professionalism and Trust: Investing in professional services like graphic design and photography enhances your product listings and builds trust with potential customers.
Efficiency and Focus: Hiring a virtual assistant allows you to delegate time-consuming tasks, enabling you to focus on growing your business.
Operational Smoothness: Subscriptions to essential tools and professional legal and accounting services ensure your business operates smoothly and compliantly.
Brand Building: Custom packaging and marketing materials contribute to a strong brand identity, which can lead to increased customer loyalty and repeat business.
Miscellaneous expenses, while sometimes overlooked, play a vital role in the success of your Amazon business. By budgeting for high-quality graphic design, professional photography, virtual assistant services, and other essential tools and services, you can create a professional and efficient operation. These investments not only enhance your product listings and customer experience but also free up your time to focus on strategic growth, ultimately contributing to your business's long-term success.
Summary
Setting up and running an Amazon business involves various costs that need careful consideration to ensure profitability and efficiency. Here’s a summary of the key cost components:
Product Selection Tools: Essential for choosing profitable products, with popular tools like JungleScout ($49/month) and Helium10 ($79/month). Free alternatives like 4SELLER also provide valuable features for product selection and inventory management.
Initial Stock Costs: Depending on the product type and quantity, initial stock costs can range from $1,000 to $3,000. Starting with 200-500 units is recommended to test the market without overcommitting financially.
UPC Codes: Necessary for product tracking, these should be purchased from GS1. A pack of 10 UPC codes costs $250 initially, plus a $50 annual renewal fee.
Shipping and Distribution Costs: Includes fees for shipping products to Amazon’s warehouse and Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) fees, which range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit. Shipping small items might cost around $4 per unit, while mid-sized products could cost $8-$12 per unit.
Inventory Storage Costs: Monthly fees for storing products in Amazon’s warehouse vary by size and season. Standard-size storage costs $0.83 per cubic foot from January to September and $2.40 per cubic foot from October to December. Oversized storage costs $0.53 per cubic foot and $1.20 per cubic foot during these periods, respectively.
Platform Commission: Amazon takes a commission on each sale, typically between 8% and 15%, depending on the product category. For instance, electronics have a referral fee of 8%, while beauty products have a fee of 15%.
Advertising Costs: To drive visibility and sales, set aside $700-$1,000 for advertising. This includes Amazon PPC ads and potentially social media ads on platforms like Facebook and Instagram.
Returns and Refunds: Handling returns incurs costs, including Amazon’s return processing fee, restocking fees, and return shipping costs. These fees vary based on product size and weight.
Miscellaneous Expenses: Other costs include graphic design for product listings ($50-$200 per listing), professional photography ($100-$500 per product), and virtual assistant services ($10-$30 per hour). Additional expenses may include subscription services, legal and accounting services, packaging design, and marketing materials.
In total, you'll need at least $5,000 to start an Amazon FBA business today. Plus, you'll need to spend a lot of time managing your store and optimizing your product listings. This includes continuously monitoring your sales performance, tweaking your advertising strategies, and keeping an eye on competitors to stay ahead in the market.
By understanding and planning for these costs, you can effectively manage your Amazon business, ensuring it remains profitable and efficient while maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction.
2024.05.18 19:40 CautionZine "The World We Live In" Released As A Single 15 Years Ago Today!
One of our favorite songs from Day & Age was released as a single 15 years ago today with a video directed by Danny Drysdale, a Caution! Volume 3 VIP contributor. Some of the cool things he said about this video in our volume:
"It was a few months later after “Human” had come out. It was in the winter months. I know it was cold. It was out of nowhere. I got a call first from the manager, and then from Brandon about what he was thinking. It was like, 'Hey, we’re gonna be in Banff in a couple days, no joke. Can you meet us there and shoot a video?' I was like, 'Oh, that’s like the opposite of Goblin Valley. It’s freezing there.' I was like, 'Absolutely. We can do this.' But it was really a huge compliment to have them come back.
...
It was a very brutal schedule. They were gonna be there in three or four days, so I had to grab the right DP. It was amazing, my friend Eric Russell. He and I flew to Banff and spent six hours prepping. I bought all the props there, the chair, the sheet music, and we didn’t really find the locations we needed until the next morning. It was crazy. We found the church he’s walking up, which was cool, and then Mark’s throwing a chair inside the church. There were footings where they’re like stepping off and then doubling themselves. That was my little surrealism homage where they’re like repeats of themselves where they’re living in the same space again and again, and they’re stuck in a loop. That was the old footings of some kind of mill where they’re processing something. You’ll start to see a thread, especially with the “Rut” video. There’s a shot of the window where the snow is going through the back of the window? That actually makes me emotional. There was a doorway that was in the middle of nowhere. We built that in post. The label didn’t know where that was, they were like, 'Where the hell is that?' There are a lot of effects in that video that are just as seamless as possible."
He says more about this video shoot and the other videos he did for them ("Human" & "Rut") in Caution! Volume 3, which you can purchase at the link above. We already have our VIPs lined up for Volume 4, and let's just say... We think you'll be excited by some of the exclusives coming up, similar to Danny's input here. Fans of the band's photoshoots, music videos, album covers, co-writers, and their live gigs will not be disappointed.
There are only a few more days left of our pre-order for merch! A Brandon-themed "days & ages" shirt & The Killers coloring book made by our resident artist, Bianca! All purchases come with a discount code for the digital version of Volume 4! Proceeds for merch will be going towards Volume 4 production costs & charity. Pre-order closes May 21st.
submitted by CautionZine to TheKillers [link] [comments]
"It was a few months later after “Human” had come out. It was in the winter months. I know it was cold. It was out of nowhere. I got a call first from the manager, and then from Brandon about what he was thinking. It was like, 'Hey, we’re gonna be in Banff in a couple days, no joke. Can you meet us there and shoot a video?' I was like, 'Oh, that’s like the opposite of Goblin Valley. It’s freezing there.' I was like, 'Absolutely. We can do this.' But it was really a huge compliment to have them come back.
...
It was a very brutal schedule. They were gonna be there in three or four days, so I had to grab the right DP. It was amazing, my friend Eric Russell. He and I flew to Banff and spent six hours prepping. I bought all the props there, the chair, the sheet music, and we didn’t really find the locations we needed until the next morning. It was crazy. We found the church he’s walking up, which was cool, and then Mark’s throwing a chair inside the church. There were footings where they’re like stepping off and then doubling themselves. That was my little surrealism homage where they’re like repeats of themselves where they’re living in the same space again and again, and they’re stuck in a loop. That was the old footings of some kind of mill where they’re processing something. You’ll start to see a thread, especially with the “Rut” video. There’s a shot of the window where the snow is going through the back of the window? That actually makes me emotional. There was a doorway that was in the middle of nowhere. We built that in post. The label didn’t know where that was, they were like, 'Where the hell is that?' There are a lot of effects in that video that are just as seamless as possible."
He says more about this video shoot and the other videos he did for them ("Human" & "Rut") in Caution! Volume 3, which you can purchase at the link above. We already have our VIPs lined up for Volume 4, and let's just say... We think you'll be excited by some of the exclusives coming up, similar to Danny's input here. Fans of the band's photoshoots, music videos, album covers, co-writers, and their live gigs will not be disappointed.
There are only a few more days left of our pre-order for merch! A Brandon-themed "days & ages" shirt & The Killers coloring book made by our resident artist, Bianca! All purchases come with a discount code for the digital version of Volume 4! Proceeds for merch will be going towards Volume 4 production costs & charity. Pre-order closes May 21st.
2024.05.18 19:18 CnRhin They gave a HUMAN the Galactic Service Medal!? Chapter 2
First
General Karne sat in his office, the floor to ceiling window that lined the far wall displayed a sprawling metropolis that sat at the galactic core. He looked down at the book resting in his claws reading the title again “The Eskaido Conflict- a Firsthand Account” written by Private JW Ringuette. After witnessing the award ceremony the day prior he had decided to pick up what would be his first piece of human literature.
He really was looking forward to seeing that particular human yesterday, but at the time it had been for the wrong reasons. Now he had a different rationale for wanting to meet him, but that would not be possible. As meaningful as the ceremony was, the actual speech had been rather brief. Before attending, he would have been glad if someone told it would be short. He now knows that such a brief recollection of events did not do this human’s actions justice. He remembered his own acceptance speech being nearly 3 hours long and included various celebrations throughout as he covered every detail of his command decisions during his tenure in the Outer Belt Rebellion.
But this award had differed greatly from every other Galactic Honor Medal that had been given. This was the first time it had been given to someone who was not an officer, and not even a noncommissioned officer at that. This wasn’t given to someone who had the luxuries of a command post off-world in a pristine office or a comfortable room aboard the galaxy's strongest dreadnought. This was given to someone who had been in the dirt and the mud and the blood. One who had seen the worst the galaxy has to offer and made something that mattered out of it. He poured himself a glass of methane infused tea and leaned back in his chair, curling his scaled tail into a comfortable position. He opened the book and began to read the words written by the recently deceased soldier.
Below are excerpts taken from “The Eskaido Conflict- a firsthand account” written by Galactic Honor Recipient Private John William Ringuette during his short time on Eskaido. Additional Quotes are sourced from surviving Eskaido soldiers and Terran military documents along with statistical analyses of the conflict.
February 28th 2287 Terran Standard Calendar
I wasn’t always sure what I was going to end up doing. I mean I knew I’d join the army, my dad was in the army and his dad before him and so on. But I didn't know exactly what I would end up doing if that makes any sense. 20 years with no combat, a boring desk job after 10, where’s the fun in that? I wanted to do the things that kids read about in history books growing up, thats why I chose the infantry. I thought about the Navy too, loved pirates since I was a kid, hell I still am a kid. Maybe I joined to stand out, get noticed, which is pretty damn hard when you got 15 brothers and sisters all under the same roof.
I joined up as early as I could, got my parents to sign the forms at 17, and a few months later I found myself here at Fort Benavidez. Training isn’t bad but sure was harder than running track for my high school back in Boston. Met some great guys here, only a few of us got an OD slot. Never thought I’d get the chance to see some action so early, but I’ve always wanted to do the things that a soldier’s supposed to do, so this is my chance. We get our duty stations tomorrow, all but a few of us are going to Eskaido. All the boys are excited, talking about all the Aliens that they’re gonna kill. I’m one of the ones that got an OD slot, so I’ll actually get a real fucking combat jump. My brother is going to be so jealous when I get back with an Orbital Strike Combat patch.
“March 2287 Easy Co-395 class consisted of 235 infantry graduates. 198 of them were sent to Eskaido, all ages 17-20. Only 26 survived.”
-E-395 IN. Training Co. March Graduates 2287.
March 7th 2287 Terran Standard Calendar
Well I passed Orbital Drop school. It was everything that I was expecting it to be and more. A welcome change of pace compared to infantry school though. The food was better, we ran a lot more which was fine by me. It was funny finishing all the runs minutes ahead of the other guys. I just sat there yelling at em cheerin’ em on when they passed the finish line. Sometimes the Black Hats would talk to me to pass the time, other times they just said good job and left it at that. I wasn’t really looking for their validation, but it was cool to get it. Guess all that time I spent running finally paid off which is a good feeling.
They say we’re going to be at Eskaido in less than a week. I’m getting nervous as it’s getting closer. I mean this is the first war that we’ve been in for almost a century. I finally understand how those soldiers felt back during D-Day in world war II. I wonder what it’s like off-world, I don't know much about Eskaido but I think I remember some other guys saying it’s cold. We’ve only been involved with all these different aliens for a few years and we’re already getting into a fight. I’m no politician but I’m not sure that's a great look for intergalactic politics if you ask me. Oh well, all I gotta worry about is the cold and I don’t do well with the cold. But I guess it's my job to be uncomfortable, now I just gotta embrace it.
“During Eskaido, our Paradroppers had a 75% fatality rate. If they survived entry then they were often killed before joining up with their squad. 60% of paradroppers had less than three months of training.”
-LT COLONEL Mickey Hayes when asked about Eskaido Paradroppers
March 12th 2287 Terran Standard Calendar
Fuck today was surreal. It honestly felt like a dream, maybe fever dream would be the better way to describe it. We were all crammed into that shuttle when we reached orbit. We couldn’t see outside to know what was going on, just had to trust our Pilot to get us over the drop zone. We had a shaky entry and the shuttle sounded like it was going to tear itself apart. We all lined up at the door as we felt the dropship heating up. Once we got the go ahead we were pushed out the door one by one. I looked up to see the shuttle itself nearly melted as the last few almost made it out, then I got my first look at Eskaido. I saw the vast white expanse of ice and rocky hills that littered the landscape, fuck guess im fighting on Hoth. That's a cool way to look at this. Some cities were visible in the distance, but the biggest thing I noticed was the tracer fire. Well I thought it was tracers, turns out that was superheated plasma. Other shuttles weren’t as lucky as ours and several other paratroopers pulled too early and their chutes got burned up by some stray shots. I waited for my altimeter to start beeping before I pulled the chute just like I’d been trained.
I hit the ground, I’d done two drops before, but fuck landing on rocks hurts a lot more than soft grass. There wasn’t any cover around but thankfully I was in a pretty secluded area. I pulled out my terramap and started making my way to the rally point. As much as I loved rucking, I wasn’t too keen on walking 12 miles in an active warzone all by myself. Oh well just gotta embrace it.
I got to the patrol base a few hours ago, chafing like a motherfucker and just wanting to stop walking. We had most of the platoon out here by the time I arrived. I had never actually met them before today, they didn’t say much in the shuttle but they said there was supposed to be a lot more of us. We holed up in the snow that night, I was thankful that we got issued the arctic dropsuit for this and yet my hands are still trembling from the cold as I hold this pencil right now.
“Yea it was about -40 during the day to maybe -80 at night when I was on Eskaido [...] Yea celsius, so I guess that's around -100 for you americans. I remember sometimes someone would get shot and they wouldn’t bleed. Come to find out the blood in the wound had already frozen solid the second it touched the air.”
-SGT Takeshi “Tiny Man” Munemori when recalling Eskaido.
March 14th 2287 Terran Standard Calendar
I killed one today, well I think I did. I shot one today might be a better way to say it. To be honest it was kind of hard to tell. He was so far off in the distance and wind really whipped around the snow so it was really hard to see anything. The thermal goggles barely even worked after 100 meters. He was running across a road maybe 500 out, I took the shot and he fell down but slowly dragged himself to his feet. I think I was too stunned to shoot him a second time, I don't know why I didn't. But it didn’t feel as good as I thought it would, didn’t feel like anything but it’s not like I was looking him in his eyes when I shot him. Do they even have eyes? Maybe they have something entirely different.
Other than that I still don’t know what they look like. It looked tall, I think they're supposed to be reptilian, or maybe amphibian? Don’t quote me on it, I’m not a biologist. That was really all that happened today. PL says we’re heading into a town here soon to look for signs of civilians. I wonder what the Eskaidians look like, I guess technically that's why I’m here, for them that is. It’s just weird thinking that I’m supposed to be here to save a species that I’ve never seen or heard of before. And now I’m fighting a species I’ve also never seen or heard of, until I shot one.
For many in Eskaido this was their first experience off-world. At the time of the conflict only the most privileged and elite had been able to travel to other systems. Many who joined the war effort came from families who could not afford to go off-world, hoping for a chance to see the stars. They had no way of knowing just how brutal Eskaido would be.
-Quote from “Political Inequality in a Galactic World” by MAJ Matt Anderson .
submitted by CnRhin to HFY [link] [comments]
General Karne sat in his office, the floor to ceiling window that lined the far wall displayed a sprawling metropolis that sat at the galactic core. He looked down at the book resting in his claws reading the title again “The Eskaido Conflict- a Firsthand Account” written by Private JW Ringuette. After witnessing the award ceremony the day prior he had decided to pick up what would be his first piece of human literature.
He really was looking forward to seeing that particular human yesterday, but at the time it had been for the wrong reasons. Now he had a different rationale for wanting to meet him, but that would not be possible. As meaningful as the ceremony was, the actual speech had been rather brief. Before attending, he would have been glad if someone told it would be short. He now knows that such a brief recollection of events did not do this human’s actions justice. He remembered his own acceptance speech being nearly 3 hours long and included various celebrations throughout as he covered every detail of his command decisions during his tenure in the Outer Belt Rebellion.
But this award had differed greatly from every other Galactic Honor Medal that had been given. This was the first time it had been given to someone who was not an officer, and not even a noncommissioned officer at that. This wasn’t given to someone who had the luxuries of a command post off-world in a pristine office or a comfortable room aboard the galaxy's strongest dreadnought. This was given to someone who had been in the dirt and the mud and the blood. One who had seen the worst the galaxy has to offer and made something that mattered out of it. He poured himself a glass of methane infused tea and leaned back in his chair, curling his scaled tail into a comfortable position. He opened the book and began to read the words written by the recently deceased soldier.
Below are excerpts taken from “The Eskaido Conflict- a firsthand account” written by Galactic Honor Recipient Private John William Ringuette during his short time on Eskaido. Additional Quotes are sourced from surviving Eskaido soldiers and Terran military documents along with statistical analyses of the conflict.
February 28th 2287 Terran Standard Calendar
I wasn’t always sure what I was going to end up doing. I mean I knew I’d join the army, my dad was in the army and his dad before him and so on. But I didn't know exactly what I would end up doing if that makes any sense. 20 years with no combat, a boring desk job after 10, where’s the fun in that? I wanted to do the things that kids read about in history books growing up, thats why I chose the infantry. I thought about the Navy too, loved pirates since I was a kid, hell I still am a kid. Maybe I joined to stand out, get noticed, which is pretty damn hard when you got 15 brothers and sisters all under the same roof.
I joined up as early as I could, got my parents to sign the forms at 17, and a few months later I found myself here at Fort Benavidez. Training isn’t bad but sure was harder than running track for my high school back in Boston. Met some great guys here, only a few of us got an OD slot. Never thought I’d get the chance to see some action so early, but I’ve always wanted to do the things that a soldier’s supposed to do, so this is my chance. We get our duty stations tomorrow, all but a few of us are going to Eskaido. All the boys are excited, talking about all the Aliens that they’re gonna kill. I’m one of the ones that got an OD slot, so I’ll actually get a real fucking combat jump. My brother is going to be so jealous when I get back with an Orbital Strike Combat patch.
“March 2287 Easy Co-395 class consisted of 235 infantry graduates. 198 of them were sent to Eskaido, all ages 17-20. Only 26 survived.”
-E-395 IN. Training Co. March Graduates 2287.
March 7th 2287 Terran Standard Calendar
Well I passed Orbital Drop school. It was everything that I was expecting it to be and more. A welcome change of pace compared to infantry school though. The food was better, we ran a lot more which was fine by me. It was funny finishing all the runs minutes ahead of the other guys. I just sat there yelling at em cheerin’ em on when they passed the finish line. Sometimes the Black Hats would talk to me to pass the time, other times they just said good job and left it at that. I wasn’t really looking for their validation, but it was cool to get it. Guess all that time I spent running finally paid off which is a good feeling.
They say we’re going to be at Eskaido in less than a week. I’m getting nervous as it’s getting closer. I mean this is the first war that we’ve been in for almost a century. I finally understand how those soldiers felt back during D-Day in world war II. I wonder what it’s like off-world, I don't know much about Eskaido but I think I remember some other guys saying it’s cold. We’ve only been involved with all these different aliens for a few years and we’re already getting into a fight. I’m no politician but I’m not sure that's a great look for intergalactic politics if you ask me. Oh well, all I gotta worry about is the cold and I don’t do well with the cold. But I guess it's my job to be uncomfortable, now I just gotta embrace it.
“During Eskaido, our Paradroppers had a 75% fatality rate. If they survived entry then they were often killed before joining up with their squad. 60% of paradroppers had less than three months of training.”
-LT COLONEL Mickey Hayes when asked about Eskaido Paradroppers
March 12th 2287 Terran Standard Calendar
Fuck today was surreal. It honestly felt like a dream, maybe fever dream would be the better way to describe it. We were all crammed into that shuttle when we reached orbit. We couldn’t see outside to know what was going on, just had to trust our Pilot to get us over the drop zone. We had a shaky entry and the shuttle sounded like it was going to tear itself apart. We all lined up at the door as we felt the dropship heating up. Once we got the go ahead we were pushed out the door one by one. I looked up to see the shuttle itself nearly melted as the last few almost made it out, then I got my first look at Eskaido. I saw the vast white expanse of ice and rocky hills that littered the landscape, fuck guess im fighting on Hoth. That's a cool way to look at this. Some cities were visible in the distance, but the biggest thing I noticed was the tracer fire. Well I thought it was tracers, turns out that was superheated plasma. Other shuttles weren’t as lucky as ours and several other paratroopers pulled too early and their chutes got burned up by some stray shots. I waited for my altimeter to start beeping before I pulled the chute just like I’d been trained.
I hit the ground, I’d done two drops before, but fuck landing on rocks hurts a lot more than soft grass. There wasn’t any cover around but thankfully I was in a pretty secluded area. I pulled out my terramap and started making my way to the rally point. As much as I loved rucking, I wasn’t too keen on walking 12 miles in an active warzone all by myself. Oh well just gotta embrace it.
I got to the patrol base a few hours ago, chafing like a motherfucker and just wanting to stop walking. We had most of the platoon out here by the time I arrived. I had never actually met them before today, they didn’t say much in the shuttle but they said there was supposed to be a lot more of us. We holed up in the snow that night, I was thankful that we got issued the arctic dropsuit for this and yet my hands are still trembling from the cold as I hold this pencil right now.
“Yea it was about -40 during the day to maybe -80 at night when I was on Eskaido [...] Yea celsius, so I guess that's around -100 for you americans. I remember sometimes someone would get shot and they wouldn’t bleed. Come to find out the blood in the wound had already frozen solid the second it touched the air.”
-SGT Takeshi “Tiny Man” Munemori when recalling Eskaido.
March 14th 2287 Terran Standard Calendar
I killed one today, well I think I did. I shot one today might be a better way to say it. To be honest it was kind of hard to tell. He was so far off in the distance and wind really whipped around the snow so it was really hard to see anything. The thermal goggles barely even worked after 100 meters. He was running across a road maybe 500 out, I took the shot and he fell down but slowly dragged himself to his feet. I think I was too stunned to shoot him a second time, I don't know why I didn't. But it didn’t feel as good as I thought it would, didn’t feel like anything but it’s not like I was looking him in his eyes when I shot him. Do they even have eyes? Maybe they have something entirely different.
Other than that I still don’t know what they look like. It looked tall, I think they're supposed to be reptilian, or maybe amphibian? Don’t quote me on it, I’m not a biologist. That was really all that happened today. PL says we’re heading into a town here soon to look for signs of civilians. I wonder what the Eskaidians look like, I guess technically that's why I’m here, for them that is. It’s just weird thinking that I’m supposed to be here to save a species that I’ve never seen or heard of before. And now I’m fighting a species I’ve also never seen or heard of, until I shot one.
For many in Eskaido this was their first experience off-world. At the time of the conflict only the most privileged and elite had been able to travel to other systems. Many who joined the war effort came from families who could not afford to go off-world, hoping for a chance to see the stars. They had no way of knowing just how brutal Eskaido would be.
-Quote from “Political Inequality in a Galactic World” by MAJ Matt Anderson .
2024.05.18 19:17 sammywaterlai Bubble pop Electric lost music video?
hey there! my name is sam, and ive been a long time fan of gwen stefani! as a kid, in the 2000's i remember very clearly seeing a music video for the song bubble pop electric, i know there wasnt ever an official music video made, and so ive been on this wild chase to try and recover it, there were lost media discussions in the past, but no clear answers, i thought id try asking here, to see if anyone remembers.
proof of the video existing, is in the background video on stage, during gwen stefani's live harijuku concert, some clips of the video made for the song, can be seen in the back.
on youtube, there does exist a fan recreation of the song, and while very close, there are some major details missing, that do exist in the official one
from memmory here is everything i can remember from the music video from back in the day : the video begins of course with gwen stefani getting dressed and dolled up for johnny vulture, she can be seen putting on lipstick, changing her clothes multiple times, in sync with the music, same goes for her shoes in one scene aswell (this scene was well recreated in the fan remake on youtube). johnny vulture in the music video was eithere wearing green for his shirt, or his muscle car was gween, but that was a key detail i remember in the music video aswell. inside of the music video, often many times they say "uh oh, in the back seat" and the camera has gwen stefanis backup dancers covering their faces emberessed when the line is said. another key detail inside of the music video was the chihuahua heard backing at the end, i remember very vividly seeing the dog backing at johnny vultures car after he drives away. also mr stefani (mr fani) is seen in the video, reading a news paper while in a chair, waiting to see who was at the door, and greets johnny vulture, also i think her mom was in the kitchen during this but is off screen. after wgen is ready, she rushes down the stairs and kisses her dad on the cheek, who is standing in the door way with johnny, before rushing past, and heading off in johnnys muscle car.
thats as much as i think i can genuinly remember, and it really shcoks me that such an awesome music video got somehow scrubbed from existince online, but i hope to one day find and recover it for others! also the ammount of effort that whent into an unreleased video like that, leaves me still very confused aswell. most info i found online is that johnny vulture was the producer for that song, and he was a major part of outkast at the time, and gwen stefani was stepping into making her own albums, so it may have some legal reasoning, but i really dont know for sure. but as for any other info, it may have been released in other parts of the world, but there no other info on that. if anyone knows anything,please let me know! id love to find out
submitted by sammywaterlai to gwenstefani [link] [comments]
proof of the video existing, is in the background video on stage, during gwen stefani's live harijuku concert, some clips of the video made for the song, can be seen in the back.
on youtube, there does exist a fan recreation of the song, and while very close, there are some major details missing, that do exist in the official one
from memmory here is everything i can remember from the music video from back in the day : the video begins of course with gwen stefani getting dressed and dolled up for johnny vulture, she can be seen putting on lipstick, changing her clothes multiple times, in sync with the music, same goes for her shoes in one scene aswell (this scene was well recreated in the fan remake on youtube). johnny vulture in the music video was eithere wearing green for his shirt, or his muscle car was gween, but that was a key detail i remember in the music video aswell. inside of the music video, often many times they say "uh oh, in the back seat" and the camera has gwen stefanis backup dancers covering their faces emberessed when the line is said. another key detail inside of the music video was the chihuahua heard backing at the end, i remember very vividly seeing the dog backing at johnny vultures car after he drives away. also mr stefani (mr fani) is seen in the video, reading a news paper while in a chair, waiting to see who was at the door, and greets johnny vulture, also i think her mom was in the kitchen during this but is off screen. after wgen is ready, she rushes down the stairs and kisses her dad on the cheek, who is standing in the door way with johnny, before rushing past, and heading off in johnnys muscle car.
thats as much as i think i can genuinly remember, and it really shcoks me that such an awesome music video got somehow scrubbed from existince online, but i hope to one day find and recover it for others! also the ammount of effort that whent into an unreleased video like that, leaves me still very confused aswell. most info i found online is that johnny vulture was the producer for that song, and he was a major part of outkast at the time, and gwen stefani was stepping into making her own albums, so it may have some legal reasoning, but i really dont know for sure. but as for any other info, it may have been released in other parts of the world, but there no other info on that. if anyone knows anything,please let me know! id love to find out
2024.05.18 19:08 lasmesitasratonas Can I dispose of old chairs/wooden storage box at the Metro Transfer Station?
We are moving out of state in 1 week and need to get rid of some wooden chairs and a wooden storage box; all have been outside for a few years and are moldy/unusable. We've donated everything else that was usable, but these need to go. I thought we could schedule a special trash pick up with my landlord, but he said we'd need to figure out a different way. It's literally like 2 chairs and one storage box, so I don't want to pay someone $100+ to come to pick it up - I'd rather drop it off at the Metro Transfer Station, but their website doesn't mention furniture and I want to make sure I'm not wasting a trip. Does anyone have experience with taking furniture to drop off?
submitted by lasmesitasratonas to askportland [link] [comments]
2024.05.18 19:08 TheGodSaiyan What, if any, are my options after Plumbing company didn't fulfill contract and it caused significant damages.
Contract Clearly Stating pump, removal, and disposal of old septic
Sorry my writing is a bit scatter brained as I am writing while thinking.
Some context. New split level ranch home owner, new to almost everything. Living in NYS.
Started out buying a house during covid. First mistake. Not being able to take a real thorough look through the house due to covid constraints caused us to miss a lot of little stuff. Also some very big stuff.
By the first winter our septic backed up (strange as it was "Just pumped and inspected") Obviously this was incorrect as the septic tank was an old metal tank with no top that was falling apart. Company told us we needed to have it replaced. $20,000 later we have a new septic tank, leach field, etc. This new septic system was going to have a pump mid way to help expel waste water to the leach field. In order to save a few grand we decided to have them raise the system higher than the old one to allow gravity to do all the work. I told them this was fine, even with this causing an inability to have a working bathroom/shower in my basement without up flush and pumps etc.
This is where it gets bad. Our old septic tank was located partially under our deck and for some reason the leach field was buried underneath an above ground pool. The company doing the work spoke to me about this and I stated that they didn't need to remove the old tank but did need to make sure it wouldn't cause problems as I did not feel like having them rip down my deck. They pumped the septic tank, but that was about it. They did not fix a cap, fill will concrete or sand or anything of the like. Coming back to lifting the new septic system up so it can gravity feed to the leach field cause the company to not bother removing/capping the old septic drain pipe from the house to the tank. This pipe also fed a small drain in my garage that was capped, but of course the company didn't re-cap after trying to snake my septic through there.
This all happened right before winter, snow was just starting to fall etc.
Come spring thaw, our basement was flooded with water. Me being new to the game and broke decided to call up my insurance company and see what they could do/if i was covered. Nada as it was caused by "groundwater". All summer I was looking for where the water came from as it was all over in my garage, my downstairs bathroom and went along the wall behind baseboards where tile met wall and into every other room in my basement. First though and what looked like is cracks in the basement cement wall. spent 2 days shoveling and creating a french drain to alleviate some of the water reaching this wall. Next heavy rain, flooded again. Queue me digging back up the french drain and digging deeper to get to the bottom of the wall. Sealed all the crack in the wall and waited for the next rain fall. Great! that must have fixed it!
Long story short it did not fix it. Made it to winter and of course by the time the thaw came we were flooded again. Turns out the old septic pipe that ran into my house and partial drain to garage was flooding my house as the septic tank wasn't removed/capped/dealt with properly. Queue me digging this same trench a 3rd time to find this pipe, I've done smashed the shit out of it as it was old cast iron. Filled it with gap filler and sealed it with flex seal on the outside. Filled the hole with concrete on the garage side and filled the septic tank side of the pipe with gap filler once again just to be sure. Viola no more flooding and my basement is now dry.
All the while the entirety of my basement and garage grew a pretty intense amount of mold that cost me roughly $6000 to remediate as well as having to tear down everything in my basement to studs. I'm finally starting to piece everything together again.
Sorry that was a bit long winded. What are my options? Can I sue the company that did the septic for breach of contract and causing significant damages? Should I call my insurance back and explain that it wasn't from groundwater per se and that it was actually due to negligence.
Thanks everyone in advance!
submitted by TheGodSaiyan to legaladvice [link] [comments]
Sorry my writing is a bit scatter brained as I am writing while thinking.
Some context. New split level ranch home owner, new to almost everything. Living in NYS.
Started out buying a house during covid. First mistake. Not being able to take a real thorough look through the house due to covid constraints caused us to miss a lot of little stuff. Also some very big stuff.
By the first winter our septic backed up (strange as it was "Just pumped and inspected") Obviously this was incorrect as the septic tank was an old metal tank with no top that was falling apart. Company told us we needed to have it replaced. $20,000 later we have a new septic tank, leach field, etc. This new septic system was going to have a pump mid way to help expel waste water to the leach field. In order to save a few grand we decided to have them raise the system higher than the old one to allow gravity to do all the work. I told them this was fine, even with this causing an inability to have a working bathroom/shower in my basement without up flush and pumps etc.
This is where it gets bad. Our old septic tank was located partially under our deck and for some reason the leach field was buried underneath an above ground pool. The company doing the work spoke to me about this and I stated that they didn't need to remove the old tank but did need to make sure it wouldn't cause problems as I did not feel like having them rip down my deck. They pumped the septic tank, but that was about it. They did not fix a cap, fill will concrete or sand or anything of the like. Coming back to lifting the new septic system up so it can gravity feed to the leach field cause the company to not bother removing/capping the old septic drain pipe from the house to the tank. This pipe also fed a small drain in my garage that was capped, but of course the company didn't re-cap after trying to snake my septic through there.
This all happened right before winter, snow was just starting to fall etc.
Come spring thaw, our basement was flooded with water. Me being new to the game and broke decided to call up my insurance company and see what they could do/if i was covered. Nada as it was caused by "groundwater". All summer I was looking for where the water came from as it was all over in my garage, my downstairs bathroom and went along the wall behind baseboards where tile met wall and into every other room in my basement. First though and what looked like is cracks in the basement cement wall. spent 2 days shoveling and creating a french drain to alleviate some of the water reaching this wall. Next heavy rain, flooded again. Queue me digging back up the french drain and digging deeper to get to the bottom of the wall. Sealed all the crack in the wall and waited for the next rain fall. Great! that must have fixed it!
Long story short it did not fix it. Made it to winter and of course by the time the thaw came we were flooded again. Turns out the old septic pipe that ran into my house and partial drain to garage was flooding my house as the septic tank wasn't removed/capped/dealt with properly. Queue me digging this same trench a 3rd time to find this pipe, I've done smashed the shit out of it as it was old cast iron. Filled it with gap filler and sealed it with flex seal on the outside. Filled the hole with concrete on the garage side and filled the septic tank side of the pipe with gap filler once again just to be sure. Viola no more flooding and my basement is now dry.
All the while the entirety of my basement and garage grew a pretty intense amount of mold that cost me roughly $6000 to remediate as well as having to tear down everything in my basement to studs. I'm finally starting to piece everything together again.
Sorry that was a bit long winded. What are my options? Can I sue the company that did the septic for breach of contract and causing significant damages? Should I call my insurance back and explain that it wasn't from groundwater per se and that it was actually due to negligence.
Thanks everyone in advance!
2024.05.18 19:01 relishboi Predator's Disease Chapter 31
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Memory transcription subject: Governor Maulo of the Venlil Republic
Date [Standardized human time]: September 1st, 2148
[Day 25]
I couldn’t help but smile reading the police report. 120 yotul personnel were saved from Humanity First by an arxur of all things. It felt surreal to congratulate a gray on his heroic efforts, but I see now why President Mesu personally requested him. Aaron Clemont and two accomplices were confirmed dead, and using his holopad found at the scene we’ve begun tracking down other bases of operation.
I slid away the report, satisfied with the terrorists’ timely demises, and turned to an email from Mesu.
Dear Governor,
The experimental procedures to synthesize a vaccine of modified human immune cells was a rousing success in our first subjects. Dr. Silvon, as well as the infected personnel who were evacuated from the laboratory, have made miraculous near-overnight recoveries. They’re still far from cured, but we believe they will be healthy again in no time. Servaen has been forwarded a full report on the matter. It’s been a pleasure working paw-in-paw with you.
Ah, even better news. The research has finally yielded actual results. I’ll want to get this new vaccine rolled out as soon as possible, but I know the Sapient Coalition is not going to be happy that we went behind their back. I considered for a moment the likelihood of being impeached and swiftly decided my species’ salvation was far more important than my job. A notification pinged into my inbox, interrupting my thoughts. Speak of the devil.
Governor Maulo of the Venlil Republic, you are under suspicion of violating the Interstellar Species Rights Act of 2137, article 12, section 3: “Genetic modification, enhancement, or crippling of an individual and/or species without unanimous agreement among all representatives of the Sapient Coalition is to be considered a crime against sapience and heavily punished.” You are expected to attend a trial in the Interstellar Crimes Court on Saturday, September 6th, 2148 (HST). Failure to appear for the court hearing is automatic grounds for impeachment from your position as governor, and imprisonment.
Signed, Abdul Suresh, United Nations Secretary-General
“Fuck.”
“Governor?” Servaen knocked as he entered. “We’ve fully secured Ransu City, and as we speak several Humanity First headquarters are being raided by peacekeepers.”
I shook my head, expelling the feeling of impending doom before replying, “Good. Keep me updated on the situation. Let’s get these terrorists crushed before they can cause any more trouble.”
~~~
Memory transcription subject: Colin Mickson, UN Peacekeeper
Date [Standardized human time]: September 1st, 2148
[Day 25]
Through the windows of the assumed abandoned office building, we could see slight movement. The glass was tinted with grime, giving our snipers a tough time to discern bodies, so the ground team and I strapped up and got into position in front of the boarded-up entrance.
“Stand back,” Captain Harrison called, gripping the battering ram. I lowered the visor on my helmet, and the world shifted from stormy and dark, to bright as day with impeccable clarity. Two women tore the boards off the door with crowbars, then moved back to allow Harrison to start breaking it down.
I counted the impacts mentally. 1. 2. 3. 4- the door fell apart inward and we rushed forward. I scanned the room quickly, keeping my rifle trained wherever I glanced. “First room clear. Alpha team, move down the hallway to our right. Beta team, the left. Gamma stay put and make sure nobody slips past,” the captain’s voice crackled in my helmet’s headset. I followed my cohort to the right, which was a winding hallway that was supposed to wrap around the full diameter of the building, with a row of doors along the curved wall into the center of the dome-shaped office.
I kicked in the first door. There was a shuffle on the other side, a chair slid across the room and I immediately locked my gun on it. “D-don’t shoot!” a meek voice reverberated from where the chair came from. A human slowly stood, arms raised. He had a ring on his finger.
“Walk toward me slowly, hands raised, and don’t try anything,” I barked. A couple of other soldiers marched in, guns raised to make sure he didn’t try anything funny. When he was halfway across the room, he grabbed his waistband. I was quick enough to fire off a few shots, and his body crumpled to the floor. I searched around, checking under desks to ensure there weren’t any more, before finally declaring “First room clear, moving out.”
We pushed onward. “Second room clear,” “Third room clear,” all soon enough began crackling in my headset. We were now approaching the main office in the center of the building. We cleared another couple of storerooms and break rooms before meeting back with the Beta team at the back of the loop.
“Only 3 confirmed casualties,” Captain Harrison stated, “out of an estimated 50 potential terrorists in the building. If they’re anywhere, they’re gonna be in here.”
Our combined teams were now 30-strong. We’d be outnumbered if we weren’t armed better. The door to the office was hardly reinforced. Some hastily-implemented wood boards fell away quickly with the battering ram. Next thing we knew, we were charging into the heart of the dome.
Being the only entrance, we should’ve known they’d put most of their efforts into protecting it. The second that door opened there was gunfire. I knew by the sounds that they were just 9mm handguns. We ducked at the entrance, firing into the room where the Humanity First members were cowering behind overturned tables.
“Their cover isn’t bulletproof, aim for the tables,” I yelled.
We focused our fire, shredding them through the flimsy ‘protection’. Soon we cleared a path, and a couple of brave terrorists moved in to replace their fallen comrades, only to meet the exact same fate. I fired off a shot clean through the head of one, then hastily reloaded my rifle as the rest of the team moved through.
From behind a desk immediately out of our view jumped a human who blew apart a peacekeeper with a shotgun blast to the face, though he was very quickly dealt with.
The office was rows upon rows of dividers and workstations. The barriers looked about as flimsy as the desks, so we began firing through. We were ordered specifically that eliminating the organization is more important than taking them in. Despite my reservations about those orders, I fired through the walls anyway.
Anyone that dared even try to fire back was given a lead filling. I marched down along the rows, peering into workspaces to gauge the outcome of our massacre. Every station had at least two shredded corpses. I had the displeasure of finishing off a couple. One was quick enough to get a shot at me, the bullet hit my chest and knocked the wind out of me, and the assailant was shot down by another peacekeeper.
For another 6 hours, we swept the halls and rooms over and over, checking crawl spaces and vents. We concluded, at long last, that the headquarters was empty. We were among tens of simultaneous raids across the planet to wipe the Humanity First scourge out for good, and I was happy to report back home at the end of the day.
~~~
Memory transcription subject: Jakiv, Arxur scientist
Date [Standardized human time]: September 1st, 2148
[Day 25]
“Ooh, that one looks good on you,” Nuri chirped as I examined the dark purple jacket in the dressing room mirror. The marsupial insisted I try on just about every hoodie they had in the store, despite my distaste for a majority of them. The one I wore now was insulated with fluff that trapped body heat exceptionally well, keeping me nice and toasty.
“I supposed,” I muttered, putting my hands in my front pockets. I put the hood over my head and yanked the drawstrings.
“Look at that, you can still be all moody in it,” the yotul giggled.
“I’m really going to miss the old one though,” I replied, taking off the article and setting it in the stack with the others. I involuntarily grimaced at my visage in the mirror. I was shirtless, showing off my ribcage that poked out beneath my scales, and the skin that barely clung to my bones. The glimmer of the metal was more extreme around the 6 new dents on my body from the bullets. I wrapped my arms around myself shivering.
“Hey,” Nuri spoke, “How about this one?” she held a folded black hoodie similar enough to my old one, with a lighter gray for highlights that streaked down the arms from the hood. I ran a claw along the inside before slipping into it. It was snug, I almost didn’t notice it wasn’t made for an arxur.
“Where’d you find this one?”
“The human section.”
“We weren’t looking there to begin with?”
The marsupial shrugged. “Do you like it?”
It was baggy enough to make me look bulkier, exactly what I wanted out of a jacket. “I love it,” I concluded. Nuri smiled, taking me by the arm to the checkout. The yotul manning it had been keeping a very close eye on me the entire time I was in the story. Poor guy.
“Th-that’ll be 15 credits,” he mumbled, scanning the hoodie and passing Nuri the chip scanner.
Before she could pay for it, I managed to slip my credit chip into the device. I was getting better at beating the overzealous marsupial to the punch! “Hey! I told you I was paying!”
“I don’t think so,” I shook my head and slid the chip into my new hoodie’s pocket and put it on.
We exited the store, the midday air was warm and humid. I never cared for moisture, so I was glad to retreat into Nuri’s car. She punched in her home address and we cruised past the historic town square.
“Y’know, I’ve been thinking a bit,” I stated.
“That’s new,” Nuri remarked.
“Y’know, I don’t have to tell you about it.”
“Okay, okay, my bad,” she smiled. “What’s on your mind, Jaki?”
“When I first got here, I got to have a chat with Mesu. I tried to make it very clear I was only here for work, not to make friends.”
“Well good going,” Nuri giggled.
“Yeah,” I mused, “I guess that fell through. But I’m not too confident I’d be allowed citizenship on Leirn, as much as I want it.”
The yotul cocked her head, “They’d be fools not to let you stay,” she said. “Besides, you clearly haven’t been keeping up with the news lately.”
“Wait, what do you mean?” She popped open the car’s center console and withdrew her holopad. It opened to a news site with big, bold words that my translator got to work deciphering. “Hero arxur saves over a hundred in terrorist attack… I thought you weren’t going to put me in the news.”
“I said I wasn’t going to use our friendship as an easy promotion. This is a lot different,” the marsupial scrolled down to a photograph of me taken when we hit the bar right after. I had bullet holes in my hoodie and a drink in my hand.
“Hero arxur…” I murmured, “hell of an oxymoron.”
She smacked my arm with her paw, forgetting how hard my scales were, then waved it in pain. “Aw! Shit!”
“Oh don’t hurt yourself,” I grinned.
“Don’t rag on yourself either,” she retorted, “You deserve way more respect than I can put into the news. I hope this at least means you’ll get less shit out on the streets.”
The car began slowing down in front of her house, which was quickly becoming my home too. I haven’t even stepped foot in that hotel Mesu got me in a good few days. We got inside and I flopped down on the couch immediately, the comfortable cushions were inviting after a long day of shopping.
“So, when are you going back to work?” Nuri asked, sitting down next to me.
“Eh, I don’t know. Whenever the lab is considered ‘safe’ again. They outsourced the vaccine’s development to some place in Olsa.”
“Aw, that sucks.”
“Nah, not even. Just means I got more time to hang out with you,” I smiled.
“Yeah, I guess that’s true. Well, I’m gonna order dinner. You want anything in particular?”
“Hmmm… maybe harchen,” I growled.
“Shut the fuck up,” the marsupial laughed.
~~~
I woke up to the sound of my holopad buzzing. The house was silent, and the time was 2 am. I rubbed sleep from my eyes and yawned before the contact ID instantly awakened me. I got up from the couch, careful not to step on Nuri who was soundly asleep curled up in blankets on the floor.
I slipped into the bathroom and hit answer. “President Mesu,” I exclaimed surprised.
“Jakiv,” he began cordially, “Congratulations on your research, and for making the news.”
“I- uh, thank you,” I responded awkwardly.
“Once everything with the vaccine is said and done, you’re set to leave Leirn on the 8th,” the yotul stated.
“Oh,” I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my voice, “I actually… can we talk a bit about that?”
“Sure,” he replied.
“Well, I know I said I didn’t come here to make friends, and I certainly didn’t come here to save lives, but I-” I quickly glanced at the bathroom door. I couldn’t hear anything outside it, and prayed Nuri was still asleep, “I met someone here that I don’t think I can live without. She’s my best friend- my only friend, and I really want to stay. For her,” I breathed.
“You… want to stay on Leirn?” he asked incredulously. I nodded. He scratched his furry chin for a second, I worried he was set on sending me away regardless, but then, “Okay. I’ll forward you the immigration forms.”
“You will?” I gasped.
“Of course. You’ve done Leirn and Skalga a great deal of service. I’m honored you’ve found a home here, Jakiv.”
“Thank you so much, Mesu!” I felt myself getting teary-eyed.
The marsupial nodded, “Thank you. Now then, you look tired. Go get some rest,” his visage flickered and dematerialized. I was left in the bathroom alone. I looked myself in the mirror and smiled at the form reflected back at me.
I opened the door and-
“Nuri!” I cried, startled. She wordlessly wrapped her arms around me. I reciprocated, putting mine around her and relishing the moment.
“I’m so happy for you,” she whispered.
“Thanks,” I smiled, “I did it for you.”
[First] [Prev] [Next]
submitted by relishboi to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
Memory transcription subject: Governor Maulo of the Venlil Republic
Date [Standardized human time]: September 1st, 2148
[Day 25]
I couldn’t help but smile reading the police report. 120 yotul personnel were saved from Humanity First by an arxur of all things. It felt surreal to congratulate a gray on his heroic efforts, but I see now why President Mesu personally requested him. Aaron Clemont and two accomplices were confirmed dead, and using his holopad found at the scene we’ve begun tracking down other bases of operation.
I slid away the report, satisfied with the terrorists’ timely demises, and turned to an email from Mesu.
Dear Governor,
The experimental procedures to synthesize a vaccine of modified human immune cells was a rousing success in our first subjects. Dr. Silvon, as well as the infected personnel who were evacuated from the laboratory, have made miraculous near-overnight recoveries. They’re still far from cured, but we believe they will be healthy again in no time. Servaen has been forwarded a full report on the matter. It’s been a pleasure working paw-in-paw with you.
Ah, even better news. The research has finally yielded actual results. I’ll want to get this new vaccine rolled out as soon as possible, but I know the Sapient Coalition is not going to be happy that we went behind their back. I considered for a moment the likelihood of being impeached and swiftly decided my species’ salvation was far more important than my job. A notification pinged into my inbox, interrupting my thoughts. Speak of the devil.
Governor Maulo of the Venlil Republic, you are under suspicion of violating the Interstellar Species Rights Act of 2137, article 12, section 3: “Genetic modification, enhancement, or crippling of an individual and/or species without unanimous agreement among all representatives of the Sapient Coalition is to be considered a crime against sapience and heavily punished.” You are expected to attend a trial in the Interstellar Crimes Court on Saturday, September 6th, 2148 (HST). Failure to appear for the court hearing is automatic grounds for impeachment from your position as governor, and imprisonment.
Signed, Abdul Suresh, United Nations Secretary-General
“Fuck.”
“Governor?” Servaen knocked as he entered. “We’ve fully secured Ransu City, and as we speak several Humanity First headquarters are being raided by peacekeepers.”
I shook my head, expelling the feeling of impending doom before replying, “Good. Keep me updated on the situation. Let’s get these terrorists crushed before they can cause any more trouble.”
~~~
Memory transcription subject: Colin Mickson, UN Peacekeeper
Date [Standardized human time]: September 1st, 2148
[Day 25]
Through the windows of the assumed abandoned office building, we could see slight movement. The glass was tinted with grime, giving our snipers a tough time to discern bodies, so the ground team and I strapped up and got into position in front of the boarded-up entrance.
“Stand back,” Captain Harrison called, gripping the battering ram. I lowered the visor on my helmet, and the world shifted from stormy and dark, to bright as day with impeccable clarity. Two women tore the boards off the door with crowbars, then moved back to allow Harrison to start breaking it down.
I counted the impacts mentally. 1. 2. 3. 4- the door fell apart inward and we rushed forward. I scanned the room quickly, keeping my rifle trained wherever I glanced. “First room clear. Alpha team, move down the hallway to our right. Beta team, the left. Gamma stay put and make sure nobody slips past,” the captain’s voice crackled in my helmet’s headset. I followed my cohort to the right, which was a winding hallway that was supposed to wrap around the full diameter of the building, with a row of doors along the curved wall into the center of the dome-shaped office.
I kicked in the first door. There was a shuffle on the other side, a chair slid across the room and I immediately locked my gun on it. “D-don’t shoot!” a meek voice reverberated from where the chair came from. A human slowly stood, arms raised. He had a ring on his finger.
“Walk toward me slowly, hands raised, and don’t try anything,” I barked. A couple of other soldiers marched in, guns raised to make sure he didn’t try anything funny. When he was halfway across the room, he grabbed his waistband. I was quick enough to fire off a few shots, and his body crumpled to the floor. I searched around, checking under desks to ensure there weren’t any more, before finally declaring “First room clear, moving out.”
We pushed onward. “Second room clear,” “Third room clear,” all soon enough began crackling in my headset. We were now approaching the main office in the center of the building. We cleared another couple of storerooms and break rooms before meeting back with the Beta team at the back of the loop.
“Only 3 confirmed casualties,” Captain Harrison stated, “out of an estimated 50 potential terrorists in the building. If they’re anywhere, they’re gonna be in here.”
Our combined teams were now 30-strong. We’d be outnumbered if we weren’t armed better. The door to the office was hardly reinforced. Some hastily-implemented wood boards fell away quickly with the battering ram. Next thing we knew, we were charging into the heart of the dome.
Being the only entrance, we should’ve known they’d put most of their efforts into protecting it. The second that door opened there was gunfire. I knew by the sounds that they were just 9mm handguns. We ducked at the entrance, firing into the room where the Humanity First members were cowering behind overturned tables.
“Their cover isn’t bulletproof, aim for the tables,” I yelled.
We focused our fire, shredding them through the flimsy ‘protection’. Soon we cleared a path, and a couple of brave terrorists moved in to replace their fallen comrades, only to meet the exact same fate. I fired off a shot clean through the head of one, then hastily reloaded my rifle as the rest of the team moved through.
From behind a desk immediately out of our view jumped a human who blew apart a peacekeeper with a shotgun blast to the face, though he was very quickly dealt with.
The office was rows upon rows of dividers and workstations. The barriers looked about as flimsy as the desks, so we began firing through. We were ordered specifically that eliminating the organization is more important than taking them in. Despite my reservations about those orders, I fired through the walls anyway.
Anyone that dared even try to fire back was given a lead filling. I marched down along the rows, peering into workspaces to gauge the outcome of our massacre. Every station had at least two shredded corpses. I had the displeasure of finishing off a couple. One was quick enough to get a shot at me, the bullet hit my chest and knocked the wind out of me, and the assailant was shot down by another peacekeeper.
For another 6 hours, we swept the halls and rooms over and over, checking crawl spaces and vents. We concluded, at long last, that the headquarters was empty. We were among tens of simultaneous raids across the planet to wipe the Humanity First scourge out for good, and I was happy to report back home at the end of the day.
~~~
Memory transcription subject: Jakiv, Arxur scientist
Date [Standardized human time]: September 1st, 2148
[Day 25]
“Ooh, that one looks good on you,” Nuri chirped as I examined the dark purple jacket in the dressing room mirror. The marsupial insisted I try on just about every hoodie they had in the store, despite my distaste for a majority of them. The one I wore now was insulated with fluff that trapped body heat exceptionally well, keeping me nice and toasty.
“I supposed,” I muttered, putting my hands in my front pockets. I put the hood over my head and yanked the drawstrings.
“Look at that, you can still be all moody in it,” the yotul giggled.
“I’m really going to miss the old one though,” I replied, taking off the article and setting it in the stack with the others. I involuntarily grimaced at my visage in the mirror. I was shirtless, showing off my ribcage that poked out beneath my scales, and the skin that barely clung to my bones. The glimmer of the metal was more extreme around the 6 new dents on my body from the bullets. I wrapped my arms around myself shivering.
“Hey,” Nuri spoke, “How about this one?” she held a folded black hoodie similar enough to my old one, with a lighter gray for highlights that streaked down the arms from the hood. I ran a claw along the inside before slipping into it. It was snug, I almost didn’t notice it wasn’t made for an arxur.
“Where’d you find this one?”
“The human section.”
“We weren’t looking there to begin with?”
The marsupial shrugged. “Do you like it?”
It was baggy enough to make me look bulkier, exactly what I wanted out of a jacket. “I love it,” I concluded. Nuri smiled, taking me by the arm to the checkout. The yotul manning it had been keeping a very close eye on me the entire time I was in the story. Poor guy.
“Th-that’ll be 15 credits,” he mumbled, scanning the hoodie and passing Nuri the chip scanner.
Before she could pay for it, I managed to slip my credit chip into the device. I was getting better at beating the overzealous marsupial to the punch! “Hey! I told you I was paying!”
“I don’t think so,” I shook my head and slid the chip into my new hoodie’s pocket and put it on.
We exited the store, the midday air was warm and humid. I never cared for moisture, so I was glad to retreat into Nuri’s car. She punched in her home address and we cruised past the historic town square.
“Y’know, I’ve been thinking a bit,” I stated.
“That’s new,” Nuri remarked.
“Y’know, I don’t have to tell you about it.”
“Okay, okay, my bad,” she smiled. “What’s on your mind, Jaki?”
“When I first got here, I got to have a chat with Mesu. I tried to make it very clear I was only here for work, not to make friends.”
“Well good going,” Nuri giggled.
“Yeah,” I mused, “I guess that fell through. But I’m not too confident I’d be allowed citizenship on Leirn, as much as I want it.”
The yotul cocked her head, “They’d be fools not to let you stay,” she said. “Besides, you clearly haven’t been keeping up with the news lately.”
“Wait, what do you mean?” She popped open the car’s center console and withdrew her holopad. It opened to a news site with big, bold words that my translator got to work deciphering. “Hero arxur saves over a hundred in terrorist attack… I thought you weren’t going to put me in the news.”
“I said I wasn’t going to use our friendship as an easy promotion. This is a lot different,” the marsupial scrolled down to a photograph of me taken when we hit the bar right after. I had bullet holes in my hoodie and a drink in my hand.
“Hero arxur…” I murmured, “hell of an oxymoron.”
She smacked my arm with her paw, forgetting how hard my scales were, then waved it in pain. “Aw! Shit!”
“Oh don’t hurt yourself,” I grinned.
“Don’t rag on yourself either,” she retorted, “You deserve way more respect than I can put into the news. I hope this at least means you’ll get less shit out on the streets.”
The car began slowing down in front of her house, which was quickly becoming my home too. I haven’t even stepped foot in that hotel Mesu got me in a good few days. We got inside and I flopped down on the couch immediately, the comfortable cushions were inviting after a long day of shopping.
“So, when are you going back to work?” Nuri asked, sitting down next to me.
“Eh, I don’t know. Whenever the lab is considered ‘safe’ again. They outsourced the vaccine’s development to some place in Olsa.”
“Aw, that sucks.”
“Nah, not even. Just means I got more time to hang out with you,” I smiled.
“Yeah, I guess that’s true. Well, I’m gonna order dinner. You want anything in particular?”
“Hmmm… maybe harchen,” I growled.
“Shut the fuck up,” the marsupial laughed.
~~~
I woke up to the sound of my holopad buzzing. The house was silent, and the time was 2 am. I rubbed sleep from my eyes and yawned before the contact ID instantly awakened me. I got up from the couch, careful not to step on Nuri who was soundly asleep curled up in blankets on the floor.
I slipped into the bathroom and hit answer. “President Mesu,” I exclaimed surprised.
“Jakiv,” he began cordially, “Congratulations on your research, and for making the news.”
“I- uh, thank you,” I responded awkwardly.
“Once everything with the vaccine is said and done, you’re set to leave Leirn on the 8th,” the yotul stated.
“Oh,” I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my voice, “I actually… can we talk a bit about that?”
“Sure,” he replied.
“Well, I know I said I didn’t come here to make friends, and I certainly didn’t come here to save lives, but I-” I quickly glanced at the bathroom door. I couldn’t hear anything outside it, and prayed Nuri was still asleep, “I met someone here that I don’t think I can live without. She’s my best friend- my only friend, and I really want to stay. For her,” I breathed.
“You… want to stay on Leirn?” he asked incredulously. I nodded. He scratched his furry chin for a second, I worried he was set on sending me away regardless, but then, “Okay. I’ll forward you the immigration forms.”
“You will?” I gasped.
“Of course. You’ve done Leirn and Skalga a great deal of service. I’m honored you’ve found a home here, Jakiv.”
“Thank you so much, Mesu!” I felt myself getting teary-eyed.
The marsupial nodded, “Thank you. Now then, you look tired. Go get some rest,” his visage flickered and dematerialized. I was left in the bathroom alone. I looked myself in the mirror and smiled at the form reflected back at me.
I opened the door and-
“Nuri!” I cried, startled. She wordlessly wrapped her arms around me. I reciprocated, putting mine around her and relishing the moment.
“I’m so happy for you,” she whispered.
“Thanks,” I smiled, “I did it for you.”
[First] [Prev] [Next]
2024.05.18 18:48 Electrical-Cup6282 Didn't want to post this until I made sure it works perfectly, and I'm hesitant just because it's a very strange way, but the thing that made me post it, is the amount of f**kin pain in this sub left me saying it might help others. I'm in my 5th day and seeing very good progress.
Maybe this is a treatment that lasts long, which is required to be done 3 times a year. No Medications, no hard diet, but it's (in the blood). I need a knowledgeable person to advise me. Attention: I'm not responsible if you try it (I wish it works for everyone who will) , but I just want to let everybody know what worked for me.
I will try to explain and go through details and dates, so we can connect the dots to see if it was a coincidence or not.
In 2018 got plaque Psoriasis for the fist time. First thing is, I have never used or taken any Meds or ointments except I started applying coconut oil to moisturize my skin since Mar of 2024. I smoke a lot since 2005 and I eat healthy food since 2015 and I started vaping in 2018. I'd gone through lots of troubles which led to depression in 2018 . Since that time red patches have appeared on my legs only.
In 2019 my blood pressure was 190H/120L and my blood was thick ( blood viscosity) a Doctor told me, you have to do Hijama or blood draw right now. I did Hijama on the same day. My attention was about getting rid of blood viscosity and I never cared or thought about Ps and I still can't remember after how long it cleared (maybe 6 or 5 weeks or less) Note: The blood draw is not a donation, it is just taken blood that will be disposed. Hijama is wet cupping or blood Hijama not a dry one.
August of 2020 I got the vaccine and boooom psoriasis spread and covered all my body even my nose that was just after two weeks of taking the Vac. Went to a doc and told me you have to take Chemicals; if that does not work, we will try Biologics and lots of other things but I took nothing and said F*** it, it will be gone by itself like the first time.
Oct or Nov-2020 two months later or so after the Vac I did Hijama for the same reason of blood viscosity. Smoked Cig and vape a lot during Corona. After 6 months April 2021 did Hijama for the same reason.
The thing is, I was not monitoring my Ps when it was clearing and didn't know how. By the end of May 2021 I was preparing to travel and I noticed there was not a single spot of Ps on my body. My brother asked me how that happened. I said I don't know. Since that time I decided to stop vaping because I don't want my blood to be thick and get a headache every 4 or 5 months.
Jan-2023 was the last time I did Hijama which means year and a half no Hijama so far, because I stopped vaping and I'm no longer having high blood viscosity.
2024 two months ago once again it spread and covered my body and this time it's itchy as F*** creepy dark red and I don't know what to do nor do I accept to take Meds. Kept reading here the conclusion was healthy food improves it after 3 weeks up to 2 or 3 months and most Meds are a temporary solution for some but worked for others. 3 months ago it was the first time in 9 years I introduced every single type of food that exists on our planet into my body and that was the reason, so, I have to accept it. I started fasting and reducing carbs but my Ps this time was so aggressive.
Traveled for business, during a meeting it was itching so hard and I was scratching, a friend told me today I will take you to a doctor where people visit him from many different places around the world I laughed and he replied to me you will see how good he is. I rejected the idea then I said to myself just go and see if no Meds that's ok.
Apparently, The Doctor turned out to be a traditional Doctor in a rural area. First thing he asked me, did you take Bio or Chemicals or any types of pills I said no, then he said ( it's in your blood) I will take blood from your legs and hands (I thought for test purposes) and this is gonna be the first session, and it could go up to 3 or 4 times or even more, do you agree ? I said ok. An old man next to me who showed me his picture of how terrible he was and now he is almost clear taking his last session.
He took blood out of both my hands and legs (from the vein near MTP joint) he wrapped a strap just above my elbow then he put my hands down in a plastic bowl, then the needle was inserted without a syringe, blood started dripping for two mins or so then done.
Less than 24 hours flares and redness decreased and changed from red to pink. No itching then I started remembering Hijama and wondered if Hijama was the reason for my unknown recovery after the vaccine? Both share the same thing, blood taken out!!, but the only difference is blood taken out from the skin and the other one from vein!! people improved after taking a strict diet for two months!!! Is it not the blood responsible for taking the nutrients to the body parts and skin? What happens after two months of clean eating to the Blood? I think it kind of renews or expels the bad things out of the body so that's why people see results. I think diet is safer, harder and takes time, but blood draw is faster and critical if was done in wrong place.
Conclusion: I eat healthy since 2015 but got it in 2018 from stress, and got it 2020 from the Vaccine, but the last time 2024 from junk, processed and sugar.
Could blood draw from Hijama or Vein be the reason of my recovery the last two times? And I'm not sure which one has better results I mean from the skin or the vein.
I will update on the 10th of June.
submitted by Electrical-Cup6282 to Psoriasis [link] [comments]
I will try to explain and go through details and dates, so we can connect the dots to see if it was a coincidence or not.
In 2018 got plaque Psoriasis for the fist time. First thing is, I have never used or taken any Meds or ointments except I started applying coconut oil to moisturize my skin since Mar of 2024. I smoke a lot since 2005 and I eat healthy food since 2015 and I started vaping in 2018. I'd gone through lots of troubles which led to depression in 2018 . Since that time red patches have appeared on my legs only.
In 2019 my blood pressure was 190H/120L and my blood was thick ( blood viscosity) a Doctor told me, you have to do Hijama or blood draw right now. I did Hijama on the same day. My attention was about getting rid of blood viscosity and I never cared or thought about Ps and I still can't remember after how long it cleared (maybe 6 or 5 weeks or less) Note: The blood draw is not a donation, it is just taken blood that will be disposed. Hijama is wet cupping or blood Hijama not a dry one.
August of 2020 I got the vaccine and boooom psoriasis spread and covered all my body even my nose that was just after two weeks of taking the Vac. Went to a doc and told me you have to take Chemicals; if that does not work, we will try Biologics and lots of other things but I took nothing and said F*** it, it will be gone by itself like the first time.
Oct or Nov-2020 two months later or so after the Vac I did Hijama for the same reason of blood viscosity. Smoked Cig and vape a lot during Corona. After 6 months April 2021 did Hijama for the same reason.
The thing is, I was not monitoring my Ps when it was clearing and didn't know how. By the end of May 2021 I was preparing to travel and I noticed there was not a single spot of Ps on my body. My brother asked me how that happened. I said I don't know. Since that time I decided to stop vaping because I don't want my blood to be thick and get a headache every 4 or 5 months.
Jan-2023 was the last time I did Hijama which means year and a half no Hijama so far, because I stopped vaping and I'm no longer having high blood viscosity.
2024 two months ago once again it spread and covered my body and this time it's itchy as F*** creepy dark red and I don't know what to do nor do I accept to take Meds. Kept reading here the conclusion was healthy food improves it after 3 weeks up to 2 or 3 months and most Meds are a temporary solution for some but worked for others. 3 months ago it was the first time in 9 years I introduced every single type of food that exists on our planet into my body and that was the reason, so, I have to accept it. I started fasting and reducing carbs but my Ps this time was so aggressive.
Traveled for business, during a meeting it was itching so hard and I was scratching, a friend told me today I will take you to a doctor where people visit him from many different places around the world I laughed and he replied to me you will see how good he is. I rejected the idea then I said to myself just go and see if no Meds that's ok.
Apparently, The Doctor turned out to be a traditional Doctor in a rural area. First thing he asked me, did you take Bio or Chemicals or any types of pills I said no, then he said ( it's in your blood) I will take blood from your legs and hands (I thought for test purposes) and this is gonna be the first session, and it could go up to 3 or 4 times or even more, do you agree ? I said ok. An old man next to me who showed me his picture of how terrible he was and now he is almost clear taking his last session.
He took blood out of both my hands and legs (from the vein near MTP joint) he wrapped a strap just above my elbow then he put my hands down in a plastic bowl, then the needle was inserted without a syringe, blood started dripping for two mins or so then done.
Less than 24 hours flares and redness decreased and changed from red to pink. No itching then I started remembering Hijama and wondered if Hijama was the reason for my unknown recovery after the vaccine? Both share the same thing, blood taken out!!, but the only difference is blood taken out from the skin and the other one from vein!! people improved after taking a strict diet for two months!!! Is it not the blood responsible for taking the nutrients to the body parts and skin? What happens after two months of clean eating to the Blood? I think it kind of renews or expels the bad things out of the body so that's why people see results. I think diet is safer, harder and takes time, but blood draw is faster and critical if was done in wrong place.
Conclusion: I eat healthy since 2015 but got it in 2018 from stress, and got it 2020 from the Vaccine, but the last time 2024 from junk, processed and sugar.
Could blood draw from Hijama or Vein be the reason of my recovery the last two times? And I'm not sure which one has better results I mean from the skin or the vein.
I will update on the 10th of June.