After a friendly ethical debate in a math class the teachers at my school are heavily debating banning the usage of clastify. They have been permitting student usage of this and other websites/ tutors for extra feedback on IA's/ TOK. Because I was the one who raised the idea that this is against IBO policy I have been labelled somewhat of a narc.
After reading the IBO policy on academic integrity to me it seems unpermitted by the IB, it feels unjust to have some students spending upwards of $1,000 on extra feedback when other students rely on the teachers feedback alone. Am I wrong in thinking that its not allowed?
Although the teachers have now decided to ban it for all cohorts after this one they are continuing to allow it for my cohort for the rest of our time doing the diploma.
I know there is always cheating in the background but how serious is it if the teachers have been permitting and even encouraging it, and continuing to permit it after being fully aware that it is wrong and will be banned?
TLDR: Is there a risk if the IB finds out about this (even if I have not used these services, if my school has allowed others?), or am I wrong and usage of Clastify is allowed by the IB? Would the majority of the N24 cohort at my school who have used websites like this for extra feedback at risk of failing their IA's if their (very public) usage of these websites were known about at any other school?

I'm not sure if anyone here knows about this website, but https://walloftext.co/fourth-wall was a very sweet place where any ORV fan could write about their thoughts about the novel on the wall. I've seen people leave beautiful notes, poems, and essays behind, and it was so heartwarming being able to share these feelings alongside tons of other fans. People would write about their love for all of the characters, share how much the novel meant to them, and encourage others to continue on.
Unfortunately, I tried opening it today only to find it griefed. Its covered in spam, and I don't know if posting about this website will make it worse, but it'd still be greatly appreciated if anyone who saved a file of the fourth wall could possibly share it.
The website was a really special place to me. I'll add a few photos of what it was like before :(. This tumblr post by nozomimi01 also has more images: https://www.tumblr.com/nozomimi01/729122521535922176/random-messages-i-picked-up-from-the-orv-wall-i
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Warning this is a very long read without a TLDR
I left this sub and joined the ryerson sub in 2021. Leaving behind my big drive of notes which is what I assume keeps driving these posts talking about grade inflation to my feed. My last few comments were very similar to everyone’s posts as of now - grade inflation, unfair admissions, feeling close to your goals and it being taken away. 3 years later here’s where I came from and what I’m doing now, why it’s not your fault and to offer a bit of hope if it helps. :)
In grade 12 (end of 2021) I had an 89 average, I was rejected from the majority of life sci and health sci programs (if a school had both I applied to both of them) - mac, u of t, queens, western. I got into York psych, health, TMU bio, undeclared arts and psych (waitlist), Laurier health sci and ottawa health sci. (some of my programs might be off if it’s wrong, the overarching field is what I mean). My goal was U of T life sci and to go to medical school. Laurier and Ottawa were off the table after my family and I came to the conclusion that we don’t have the money for me to move away, removing my last two life/sci options. I honestly wasn’t a big fan of York leaving TMU as my last option. I really wanted a life science or health science program because the curriculum after first year was not simply bio, chem, physics so I veered from biology at TMU.
So I ultimately ended up accepting undeclared arts as I was waitlisted for psychology. At the end of June, I got off the waitlist for psychology and accepted that. At the time, I was seriously unhappy with myself I was angry at the fact that people were getting opportunities that I wanted that didn’t deserve them due to inflation and lack of standardization of monitoring of tests during online schooling and just overall how poorly my high school experience ended. I’m talking full breakdowns about how I worked so hard and got nothing in return. I had teachers who genuinely believed that I was one of the best students that they had in years and told me that I would go far. I had a teacher go as far as writing a letter for no reason other than to just say how proud they were of me and how they knew that I would do great - which at the time I truly didn’t believe after not achieving any of the goals that I had set for myself at the beginning of grade 12.
My first year of psychology was online for my first semester where I did decently well I got a 3.0 my second semester, ended up being entirely in person because the online sections of classes were full. At the time I wanted to do medicine this dream quickly got away from me when second semester in person classes left me with a 2.67 gpa for the semester. I had a realization looking upon my peers who were still completely online at TMU or at other universities had much much better GPA than me and I wouldn’t be able to get into medicine with my GPA. So again I felt let down by systems that ultimately led to further inequality in education. I let go of the idea of medicine and had no idea what I wanted to do after my undergrad.
After my first year, I decided to join the course union at my school, which was one of the best decisions I ever made. I met amazing people who encouraged me to do better, peers who were higher years than me and gave me advice when needed and from there, my grades got better. after joining the course union I joined the liberal arts union and from there I worked on about five more different positions over the next two years. TMU is generally not seen as the best school and it’s not necessarily “competitive” but that can work in your favour because there’s so many positions available whereas at other schools where people may be more inclined to take these these positions making them more competitive. Joining these course unions gave me so many opportunities and so many things that are now on my CV that continue to provide more opportunities, for example I was offered a job at the school based on all my experience. My CV is now what I would consider amazing with all the work that I’ve gained that is applicable to the field that I want to work in and because of my experience on my CV I got a research assistant position where I have a great academic relationship with a prof. And I got my gpa up enough it’s not near a 4.00 or anything crazy but it’s good enough for me to get into grad school.
I always knew that I didn’t want to stay in psychology after I graduated so I completed my degree in three years rather than four. I also want to mention you do not need to complete your degree in three years. There’s no need for it. Had I stayed for an extra year I would’ve had so many more opportunities with extracurriculars. It’s just I did not love the psychology curriculum enough to want to stay in it for another year. I had taken summer school courses before coming to this conclusion, and I had so many credits that I didn’t want to switch programs so I fast tracked. All that being said, do not rush your degree unless for example, you don’t like it and have plans to do something unrelated afterwards - for me it was a masters in a different field that the only requirement was a bachelor’s degree so I didn’t see the point in switching. Having gained all of the research experience and extracurricular experience in the field that I want to pursue is what made my degree nonetheless beneficial even though I wasn’t doing what I had originally planned.
As of now, I will be beginning my masters at U of T in the fall (not in psychology). I feel very accomplished and fulfilled with everything I’ve done and I feel like the person that all those teachers said that I was back in high school. While I didn’t go to U of T for life sciences, and become a doctor like I had thought I would I am going to U of T nonetheless for a field I didn’t even know existed. I found and great community and something I genuinely love by continually working hard after feeling like I was ripped off by grade inflation and online school. All of which is so minuscule to everything I’ve gone on to do.
Moral of my story is you might feel ripped off right now, that your hard work went unnoticed and you might feel like you’re never going to accomplish your goals. But the truth is, it's very minuscule to the potential that you have. And as long as you continue to use your work ethic and potential wherever you go, you will be successful. You don't need big fancy school. You can do just as well if not better at schools that are seen as less prestigious or competitive as long as you continue to put in the hard work that you did in high school. So please don't feel like you have lost something but feel that you have gained the potential to do more. If you’re truly uncertain about accepting a program, take the time off think about alternate fields and try applying again, it might be better than toughing it out in a program you don’t really care about. If you’re dead set on going to university this fall, don’t wanna take time off and want to apply again and didn’t get into the one you planned, join extracurriculars meet new people and keep putting in work and it will pay off.
And I’m not saying you’re wrong in anyway for complaining and feeling the way that you feel because I felt the same way. You’re all valid asf. All I’m saying is don’t beat yourself up and don’t feel like you’re the problem because there’s so many opportunities for you so long as you seek them out and take them and you will end up in a much better position in the end.

I just finished the RBC Brooklyn Half yesterday, after a 12-week training program. I’d built up a lot of expectations for the race, for a whole host of interrelated reason (that I’ll unpack in the body of this thing); all those expectations, unfortunately, caused me to get carried away, and made my experience of the race overall 1) unenjoyable while I was running and 2) disappointing after I finished.
I’m a teacher, and I frequently relay this paraphrasing of a Confucius quote to my kids: “We can either learn how to act by imagining consequences and reflecting, which is best; or by watching others make mistakes, which is hard (though not for us). The most difficult way to learn is through experience, but if that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes.” One of my top-upvoted comments of all time is in this sub, telling people to not ruin a race for themselves by over-fixating on time-goals at the expense of enjoying their race.
And yet—

Race Information

• Name: RBC Brooklyn Half
• Date: May 18, 2024
• Distance: 13.1 mi
• Location: Brooklyn, NY
• Time: 1:38:2X

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub or Equal 1:32	No
B	Sub 1:35	No
C	Finally Pace Myself Properly	No

Splits

Split	Pace	Time
5k	7:04	21:55
10k	7:20	44:42
15k	7:12	1:07:03
20k	8:23	1:33:03
Finish	7:55	1:38:2X

Background Context

I started running in Oct of ‘22, and caught the bug. I ran a half in April of ‘23 in 1:47, and loved the distance. I built base over the summer to ~30-35 mpw, and then trained for the Philly Half in Nov of ‘23. Ended up getting a 1:38:0X in that race, which was really exciting. More exciting was that I approximately even-split that race — my second half took ~30 seconds longer than the first. I left that race feeling exactly how I wanted to — like a washcloth wrung out completely. I felt like that race & time represented the absolute best of my ability, given my current level of fitness; and I felt like I tried my best the whole way through.
Last important piece of context re: diagnosing this race’s disappointment: between Oct of ‘22 and Nov ‘23 I went from ~240 lbs avg to ~195 lbs average. My lowest weight dipped to the high 180s, but I stabilized around 190 pretty quickly.

Training

I used Runna to train for Philly and really enjoyed the experience. My organizational skills are pretty lacking, and I spend 100% of them in other areas of my life — so I enjoy using an app that offloads some of that cognitive lift for me, fully worth the sub during training blocks.
As far as milage, I managed:

Week	Miles (Ran / Goal)
1	25 / 33 mi mi (missed 2 runs from travel)
2	32 / 36 mi (missed 1 run b/c travel)
3	38 /38 mi
4	12 / 20 mi (deload, missed 2 runs from illness)
5	28 / 38 mi (missed 2 runs from illness carried over from previous week)
6	40 / 40 mi
7	43 / 43 mi
8	23 / 23 mi
9	50 / 43 mi (extended 2 easy runs by ~3 miles apiece)
10	43 / 40 mi
11	29 / 35 mi (missed 1 run due to illness)
12	23 / 23 mi (including race).

As I’m sure you can already see, I missed a meaningful amount of runs due to illness/other life interruption. Concurrent with all this is the fact that my wife is due with our 2nd child in, well, like a week and a half from now; so a lot of the missed runs in weeks 1-5 also reflect a dramatic net increase in my responsibilities b/c of my wife feeling out of it / not being able to get as much done as normal (no shade at all; she’s literally building a new human that wasn’t there before). Overall I got ~92% of all milage done, running 388 miles during these 12 weeks. Mistake #1: I didn’t adjust my time goals in light of missing workouts; I figured if I just worked harder to “catch up,” I would be fine.
The plan included 2 quality sessions a week — 1 tempo run and 1 interval session, and the weekend long run frequently had pace thrown in. I vastly prefer tempo to interval running — personally, I cite being ~200 lbs as the reason. Once I get going, it’s easy to keep going, but frequent stops & starts just burn energy that I can’t afford to lose. Mistake #2: as I trained, my weight went from the high 190s to the high 200s, and I raced at ~207 lbs. I wasn’t consistent w/ nutrition during training, and the associated stress of my job, as well as parenting & chores usually handled by 2 people being done mostly by me — I often used lil’ snacks as a quick dopamine fix (adhd heads out there, you know what I’m talking about.)

Pre-Race

I wasn’t sure I’d be able to run the race in the first place — my first daughter (now 7) was born at 36 weeks, and I anticipated my second needing the same (choleostasis enjoyers, rise up). Instead, though, this baby seems primed to go the distance — so I got equal parts excited and nervous to be able to deliver on all my training.
I’d cut my time by 9 minutes from my first to the second half, and tried to be conservative in aiming to cut ~5 minutes between these cycles — so I aimed to run 7:00-7:05 for the race, dipping into the 6:55s if I felt good at the end of the race, and set my A goal for 1:32, and my B goal for 1:35. Mistake #3: I didn’t have any serious qualitative goals, and my quant goals were made too far in advance to be realistic. I also wasn’t proactive in adjusting my goals based on how training was going — despite advocating for that same thing in posts on this sub.
Man, it’s so easy to say smart things, and so hard to actually do them.
About 10 days before my race, I came down with a cough thing that sapped a bit of my energy. Kept me up at night, and sapped ~10-15% of my energy on a given day. The Wednesday before my race I asked my wife, “Do you think 3 days is enough for me to be back at 100%?” And I want to say to other runners out there: if you’re having to ask that question, go ahead and adjust your goals. We’ll tag that as Mistake #4.

The Race

Gorgeous morning. I live ~1.5 miles from the race start, so I walked over to Franklin and then jogged the remaining ~1 mile to the start as a warmup. Skipped bag dropoff for the same reason I don’t like checking bags while flying, did a quick pee (quick pee, long portapotty wait time), and went over to the corral.
My whole “thing” as a runner is that I’m deceptively fast — that is, that I’m most commonly the least-fit looking person out of the people running equivalent paces to myself. When I started running, that gave me a bit of imposter syndrome; any more, I draw on it for motivation. So as I was waiting in Corral C to start, I realized I felt a lot of pressure — to be able to deliver on being fast, to prove that I’m actually fit, whatever. No one outside of myself cares, obviously. But that’s now how this stuff works.

The First 10k — Would’ve Been Great If This Was a 10k

My pacing plan was as follows: don’t exceed 7:00 pace at any point in the first 7 miles; aim for ~7:30-7:45 going up Prospect Park’s big hill; use the downhill at 10k to catch my breath; and use the last 7 miles down Ocean Ave to winch down on speed if I was feeling good, or just hold around 7:05 if I was spent.
I was able to hit the first half of this plan pretty well, as my splits up top suggest. But I could tell, starting as I ran around GAP and into the park, that I was working too hard — the effort I was expending was too much. As I reflect on it now, I realize I was probably in ~1:35 shape (~7:15 splits); but I stubbornly refused to drop down in pace. I noticed my heart rate was in the high 170s as I ran through Prospect Park, where my HM pace usually puts me at 165 on the dot. I tried to tell myself it was race excitement + caffeine. [Arrested Development Narrator Voice: It wasn’t.]
I hit the 10k mark at 45 minutes pretty much on the dot. My 10k PR is 44:0-something. This is when I realized my pacing was probably a bit on the screwed side. I’m fairly capable with distance, and am better at medium-exertion-long-distance than I am at hard-exertion-short-distance (my 10k predicts a slightly better 5k time than I currently race). I thought to myself: “Well, you can always just drop down a bit and hold. What’s the worst that can happen?”

The Worst That Can Happen: AKA You’ll Feel Pretty Silly When You Try to Tell Your 38.5 Week Pregnant Wife That Your Last 6 Miles Were Quote “Unimaginable Suffering” And It “Felt Like It Would Never End”

I had been under the impression that Ocean Ave would be a “gentle downhill,” but had never run it prior to the race. This, dear reader, is a lie. Somehow, the last 6 miles of the race are entirely uphill; or at least, that is what it’ll feel like if you go out 5% over your current level of fitness.
The sun really started to get to me; and while I’d had water & nutrition, my gut wasn’t enjoying it, and I didn’t feel energized or like any second wind was coming. I specifically remember that Mile 9 felt like it took 20 minutes to finish; the last 5k of the race simply wouldn’t arrive.
I pulled off to the side to slow down; first to 7:30, then 7:45, then 8:00, with no respite. My legs were heavy despite feeling fueled — I was just dyin’ out there. My wife had been texting encouragement during the race, and I managed to send her back from my watch at mile 9 “all goals are now out the window,” and it was just about finishing — first, to finish without walking. But I took 2 30-second walk breaks when the fatigue felt unendurable — pulling off to the side and counting down from 30, while getting passed.
That was another feature of the race that made it so challenging — that same dynamic of “being deceptively fast” that I mentioned above came back to bite me, as I got passed continuously by people who’d raced their fitness, rather than their goals, in the first half of the race. That demoralized feeling was incredibly difficult to handle. I hadn’t, before today, understood why someone would quit a race; and now, even though I didn’t quit, I get it.
As I passed mile 11, I realized that, while my initial goal was fully out the window, I could still PB the race, even though my pace between miles 9 and 11 was more than a minute off my goal pace; I’d just need to hold approximately 8:00 pace, and I’d be right up against my prior PB. That didn’t make anything any easier, but it did make me feel like the suffering had a point.
Got an encouraging text from my wife, found some other folks at ~8:00 pace, and tried to lock into that pace next to them. And then I just sort of suffered to the finish line. I don’t know what the views looked like; I’m not sure what the race atmosphere was like. I wish I’d paced myself better so I could have experienced that fully.

Post-Race: Why Don’t They Tell You That You Have to Walk Up Stairs To Get Out of Cyclone Stadium BEFORE You Go Into the Stadium?

Got medal, got water. Drank about 5 consecutive cups of water, and then exited the boardwalk. Texted my wife that it’d been really hard but I finished, and right as I did, a critical mass of finishers arrived such that cell service got knocked out for everyone. Thus began the Long Night of The Soul for me at Cyclone stadium.
I walked in, walked around, realized there wasn’t anything I wanted to do in there, and then tried to go back out; at which point I was told “Exit is out that way,” and I said, “I can’t just go back out? I gotta go upstairs to leave, after running a race? That’s the rule?” The guy who told me didn’t deserve my sass; and I deserved to not go up stairs. Oh well.
I managed to get up the stairs without cramping up (though it was close). I went and looked out over Surf Ave, at everyone walking to and from the race, and just got to sit with my thoughts for a bit. I got myself a bit choked up & had a very dignified little cry at this realization, which I think does fully distill my feelings about the race: “I feel like I tried my hardest, but I don’t feel like I did my best.” I think that we often treat those two statements like they’re interchangeable, but there’s actually a bit of space between those ideas, and my race fell into the gap between them. I both tried very hard the entire time, but also, I could have done a better job pacing myself and picking target times. That disappointment is rough.

To Do Better Next Time

So to conclude this whole long sad love letter to learning: some takeaways, ranked from Most Transferrable (re: life skills) to Most Specific.

1. Actively listen to ya dang body, fool

Self-explanatory: by setting a goat at the outset of training, and then sort of driving toward it without respect for a lot of recently-added stressors in my life, I didn’t end up running any faster — I just made the running I did do kind of miserable. Next time I intend to use HR & Effort (together!) as a better indication of the pace my body feels comfortable running during the race. We say so much “Trust the taper,” and I think here I’d benefit from reminding myself, “… buuuut the taper doesn’t make impossible things possible.”

1. Don’t invest so heavily in the quant goal

I got very invested in how proud I would be if I managed to achieve the goal, and that forward-projecting is part of what caused me to overshoot the goal in the first place. Next time around I want to have a process goal to the tune of “Enjoy the race while trying to wring out your body like a washcloth.” Or something; I have time to plan.

1. Lose 15-20 pounds.

I’m 5’9; I’m strong and I’m heavy. My running has kind of been those two vectors pointing against each other the whole time. But I think I’m at the point where, if I want to be able to sustain 7:00 speeds for more than a 10k, I need to lose some of the excess weight I’m holding onto. I could also do strength training, but I’ve got a baby on the way; heart tells me that getting 7-10% lighter will be a lot easier than getting 7-10% stronger.
So that was training, goals, and next steps. Hopefully, by seeing my mistakes, you’ll be able to avoid them yourself in the future. Hopefully!
Made with a new race report generator created by herumph.

Before you panic; no, the message board would not actually be entirely offline. That would be silly. And if I’m asking in the wrong place, my most sincere apologies. forum felt like walking through an apocalyptic ghost town.
I’m a first-year computers teacher for K-8 looking to pilot a message board forum for the students. Primary aims are: -give them a curated space to learn to interact politely online without opening them up to the internet at large. -provide opportunities for student leaders to be ‘moderators’ to practice mediation and maturely correcting bad behavior. -encourage practicing computer and communication skills outside my classroom, as I only have them 40 min. A week. -get material for the ‘alien invasion’ module in the second half of the year, focused on teaching internet safety and security.
Since I want this message board to be exclusive to the school network, I plan on hosting the software on an internal server, looking at MyBB or phpBB as the software. Is this possible, or does it need to be hosted by a regular internet hosting service? I know just enough about server setups and SQL to get myself into trouble, and I’d rather look before I leap.

First and foremost, I dont have any diagnoses regarding neurodivergency. I had done a focus test for ADHD where it came out that I had above average focus. I do have a diagnosis for moderate depression and anxiety.
But there are certain things that I would do that I still do that affect me in a way that I havent seen affect my friends or family. So I just want to ask people. I should mention I am a girl who is about to turn 20 in 2 months
1) when I was little, I used to cry is my belt wasnt tight enough. I would need it to be so tight to a point that it would make my skin red and I'd often punch out new holes on new belts so I could get it to be tight enough. If it wasnt tight enough, I would be so frustrated and annoyed to a point of tears. With years passed, I learned to ignore this feeling but I'm pretty sure if I thought about it for a bit too long, I'd have the same feelings.
2) again a tightness things, if I put my hair up in a ponytail, if I could not feel my hair strands pulling on my scalp, I would get so frustrated to the same point of tears. Again, I sort of learned to ignore it but if I think about it too much, I can get annoyed
3) If I am changing my bed sheets and if the pillow or the blanket does not fit the sheet, is too small and hence moves around, it frustrates me so much that again, I can get to a point of tears if I dwell on it too much. This is also why I am making this post because my pillow just now was too big for my pillow case and I needed to somehow distract myself from it before getting too frustrated.
4) When I get my hair dyed, if there is an uneven patch, or if there is even a strand of hair that is longer than the rest after a hair cut, I sometimes fixate on it and like the others if I dont distract myself from it, it can go to the point of tears.
I dont want to be disrespectful in any way and if it is, please do let me know and I apologize in advance. I just want to know if there could be a reason beyond depression and anxiety or just being weird behind these certain things and if I should reach out for help ( I currently dont really have access to proffessional help, my uni counselor did not reply to my emai land my last psychologist would kind of make fun of me)
Because there have been also other things that makes me question certain things, such as apparently I'd randomly start singing in the middle of class in elementary school to a point where the teachers had to make an agreement with me for me to not distrupt class in turn for me getting to do what I want before they help me put my coat on (but this could just be a normal kid thing) and also my 3rd and 4th year teacher saying that some behaviors I'd do (like apparently I'd take off my shoes in the middle of the class, especially my rubber rainboots because I hated the feeling of those so I would just take my feet out to make it bouncy) that she had observed in kids that were special (I literally dont know what she meant by that. This teacher was such a good teacher to us and she'd actively encourage and help a special needs kid in our class and make sure that we didnt exclude or make fun of her because of her differences so I dont think she meant anything bad) But then again these could also be just me being weird or just some normal kid things. I have also been told by literally every single on of my teachers that "she has potential but she isnt using it" and I would constantly make mistakes in exams that were due to lack of attention rather than not knowing but I would also always finish all my exams on time, if not early.
I am also a big daydreamer where I tend to daydream whenever I am on the way going to and from somewhere and I also tend to have a almost never ending monologue in my brain. People sometimes talk about how they csn empty their heads but I literally always have a thought or a monologue in my brain and I tend to spiral a lot because of this if something is bothering me
So I dont know, just wanted to get some opinions on it, just I guess a way to understand what it could be I suppose? Thanks for reading so far btw, much appreciated

For very good health and being able to demonstrate high level of basic life skills, add 5% voting power and state employee bonus salary.
Health + cooking + sewing = 15% bonus, for example.
Purpose being to encourage, reward and foster a culture of development and self care to make the population stronger, smarter and better educated - reducing healthcare costs and improving decision making.
With the salary bonus for state-funded employees like teachers, doctors, administrators, their reward for becoming better functioning people is even higher, which I think is important for the people who take care of our children, health and public space.

Now, you may think I’m thinking about you again because I have a difficult exam tomorrow which I don’t feel prepared for AT ALL… and maybe you are right.
I have to tell you something, Dad. I’ve told this to lots of people. Psychiatrists. Therapists. But I never ever get the reaction I want. I never see my own horror reflected in other people’s faces. Or if I do, it’s horror at me, not horror WITH me. I have to tell you. And I need you to tell me it wasn’t my fault. Don’t be scared of me because of the things I did! Be scared of the things I saw. But then we will step over the fear. I hope.
I had an eating disorder at that boarding school, Dad.
But that’s not what terrifies me. That’s not what haunts me. Nine years ago - still haunts me.
What haunts me to this day is the moment that I realised that the teachers and the staff weren’t concerned about me. The fragments of moments coming together. They weren’t concerned about me. They were concerned about their career prospects. And how my ‘behavior’ would make them look. And how a scandal caused by my… my illness! - would affect them.
That was it! That was their main argument! ‘You lost so much weight - and everyone saw it!’ Will my heart ever heal from this, Dad?
I’m angry that I never stood up for myself. I know I couldn’t have. I know it’s not my fault. But I really resent myself for it.
The scariest part of it was how they encouraged you to go and see the school counselor. It was so creepy. And that one time they made me go to a really creepy ‘Eating Disorder Specialist’ with this other teacher and they both tried to browbeat me into essentially saying things they wanted to hear. It was creepy. Not how therapy works at all. Other girls said the same thing. They just couldn’t trust this whole thing.
By the way, I have recently stopped my therapy sessions. I think digging all of this stuff up is preventing me from feeling better.
Anyway, it was really creepy. Imagine going to a doctor with a broken bone, and the doctor sits you down, and says, ‘when you come outta here, you really should NOT feel any pain in your bone. Your bone should NOT hurt. You should be up and running Friday latest.’ That would make no sense. That’s not how illnesses work. And yet they wanted to put ME on a timeline. Not to ‘get better’. Not to ‘stop thinking about food’. Not to ‘eat healthy’. But to ‘get back to sport’. To ‘get back at least to pre-Christmas levels’ (levels of WHAT??) To LOOK like I was fine. To look fine for the Open Day. For the parents. The prospective pupils. Not to actually BE fine.
It’s actually very scary to stand next to someone and realise that they see you as a threat to their career and their prospects. It’s like one second you’re alone and you’re thinking of yourself as if you’re a whole person… but then you see yourself through their eyes. You’re nothing. How could you ever have thought that you were something? You’re nothing. You’re an obstacle. That’s all you are. There’s nothing else. Nothing else about you matters. They aren’t listening to you. They’re waiting for you to finish talking. It is a profoundly dispiriting experience. It broke me. I feel a little broken still, but less so now.
Sometimes I’m dreaming, Dad, and they are behind me, right behind me, in some corner of my mind. But me? Look at me, Father. You know I never gave in to them, Father, you know me. You know I kept writing to you. You know I never gave up. They function by beating people into submission, making you too scared to question them. Making you passive. But I’m not like that. I never gave in to them. I never stopped thinking about my father. My father, surpassed by none. What is their wannabe-HR-style-dictatorship against things which are eternal, permanent, things that make us human?
So I start running, in the dream. And I’m running, running, but then I turn around, and they are still walking. And I need to run to get away from them, and I can, I can, I do, I do. But in my dreams… I’m still running, and, every time I turn around, they’re right behind me. I have to run. But they can just walk. Scary.
For whatever it’s worth, you are always… normal in my dreams. You’re not decaying, or falling apart. Sometimes I imagine coming up to you, and you just turn around and look at me and say, ‘DiligentCroissant, let me go.’
In my imagination, there’s a river behind you. Grass blowing in the wind. The sky like a lake.

This complete guide on 902 ANGEL NUMBER MEANING is brought to you by psychics4u.net. For more valuable information, insights and resources, visit: http://psychics4u.net/
902 angel number meaning is completing your life purpose, being social, having great relationships and searching for a spiritual meaning. It is assembles from the root numbers 9, 0, 2 so let`s break it down:
Angel number 9 meaning: when repeating represents being connected to the world. Understanding that you are a part of much bigger system than a single person is the most important point. Although you are unique and having specific dreams, missions and goal you also aware of the fact that you need to work together with other people, nature and the law of the cosmos.

Therefore angel number 902 suggests that there is a part of you that love to be around people, going out to socialize and organizing parties or events. If you find yourself the complete opposite, for example you prefer to be busy and stay at home, watch TV, play computer games or read books, consider going out more.

Hence, one of the basic meanings or messages of this specific number is to be more connected to people. The angels are trying to tell you that if lots of people like friends, family and colleagues will be around you it might change your destiny in a very positive way. New events or situation which you never imagine will be open for you.

Angel number 0 meaning: is the most special angel number of all, zero symbolize a completion, endless cycle and most important a huge potential. The basic meaning denotes you have a great set of skills, with these tools you can manifest everything you want. Sometimes life is rough, we don’t see the light in the end of the tunnel and we falsely believe we can not achieve something we really want. So if you keep on seeing zero or to be more precisely angel number 902, you should trust yourself.

Ignore other people’s opinions because some of them will bring you negative energy. Stay closely only to those who charge you will positive vibrations and inspire you to success. The number zero indicates that you will close a circle, for example if you had a certain task, than if you will be focus on the right action you will be able to complete it successfully.

As an omen for infinity cycle, number zero is at the center of 902 angel number. So your major focus should be on endless actions. This is not a good time to rest, being lazy or procrastinate things you should execute. The angels are sending you an obvious message to wake up. After you will complete the main goal you will be able to rest and reaping the wonderful rewards.

Angel number 2 meaning: number two is all about balance, harmony and cooperation. This is one more reinforcement which indicates you need to be more connected with people. Although number two suggests romance, relationships and marriage, it can also be a sign for cooperation at work, hobbies and other kind of mutual benefit activities.

Two is also a number of decisions. 902 angel number meaning is a big choice you will face in the near future. It might be something very important that will have direct influence on you life path. So in the next few days don’t reply or rush into conclusion too fast before examining the facts. Also don’t worry because the angels will guide you through the journey.

Number 2 is the signification of duality, so remember that there are no mistakes, there is no right and wrong, no black or white and no good decision or bad decision. Even if you will make the incorrect step, you will have a second chance to fix it in the future. The error will be the lesson which will turn into knowledge and great wisdom. Connected again to guardian angel number zero, you will complete the task successfully and the things you have learned by the way will be your new skills.

902 angel number significance

902 angel number significance is related to reassurance. The guardian angels wants you to know, they have been listening to your prayers, they know what you have been dreaming of at night and received vibrations of your wish and prayer from the heart.

You are going to receive it but there is still hard work a head of you. Soon, there might be unexplained coincidences and to be more exact, encounters with new people which you never met before. These people will open doors for you and will redirect the path or the road to a different place, so don’t be closed minded, be willing to listen to new ideas and opinions.

A word of caution: not everyone you are going to meet will be a messenger from god or an angel, there are people who don’t know about it nor believe in 902 angel number significance. So don’t let them to be time wasters, distraction and energy takers.

Another obstacle that might be right on the road is people who want to hurt you. Thus be carful who you listen to or associated with. Look at the warning signs they are there and remember, the angels are watching from the skies, if there is any assistance need, they will do something.
One more critical aspect of 902 angel number significance is your inner voice. If you want to success in real life you have to have a goal and a plan, but also to be complete with yourself. To be sure by 100% about the desires and to be willing to put whatever effort is needed along the road. If you are hesitate or don’t know exactly what you want the opportunity will go away. It might take months or even years until you will get a second chance to spot and act upon the next opportunity.

Develop your intuition and be much attuned with gut feelings, most likely they will never be wrong. Spirituality speaking, the vibrations we are getting from the universe manifest themselves as feelings and emotions inside our body. If we can open ourselves to listen and decipher those messages we can actually speak with the collective subconscious and gain more insight about the future like real psychics.

902 angel number symbolism

902 angel number symbolism is also about not comparing your self to other people. If you will open your heart to get the message from guardian angels, you might be more popular among the social circle. In this position you will find some struggles, not every one will like you or want to be with you and some will be more successful than you.

For example other friends and family members might already have good jobs, bought houses, have been married and are having children and are going to vacations or travel to distant places every few months. The angels want you to know that this is not a race.

Don’t compare your self to what other have or don’t have. 902 angel number symbolism reveals your path, you have unique mission and tasks you have to do, focus on them. Friends, family and enemies has different destination and it should not be mixed or juxtapose.

Also remember: life is not equal to materialism, in fact all fancy stuff and material objects are not the main goal. You might not aware of it right now, but in the end you will realize that spiritualism is more important. Objects, assets and possessions will not make you happy in the end of the line. So if you want to be really fulfilled than pursue happiness with the small things in life, go out to nature, eat good healthy food and do daily mediation.

Don’t live in fear or self doubts, the negative energies will bring bad outcomes. If you will continue on doing it you will attract only misfortune. The world we are living in has its own rules and phases, there are good times and bad time, 902 angel number symbolism is about knowing how to navigate through the rough times and in addition how not to ruin your good fortune.

902 guardian angel number

902 guardian angel number is a representation of everything is going to be OK. The guardian angels want you to success because you are a part of the bigger picture. If we zoom in, we will discover that every life is unique on its own, but as we are connected spiritually there is a higher reason for what is happening on earth.

For an example if something good is happening to you than other people you don’t even know will be benefit from your action as well. This concept is also true in reversed. If and when you feel lucky, you have the feeling that everything is going on according to your wishes it is not a mere coincidence, and it is not only because you have better karma than anybody else. The good fortune is also a result of other people devoting their life to a definite cause, and as a side effect you will enjoy it as well.

The same thing is true backwards, if you are living around people who are participating in evil and harmful activities, than for sure it will have negatives implication regarding to you. You will not be able to claim that you are different from them, staying around in silence is like being a part of it. In the end of the day, active or passive acts are the same when it comes to responsibility.

Guardian angels want you to know that number 902 means protecting yourself from evil forces. They want you to know that they are on your side, but you also have responsibility, you have to guard yourself as well.

Sometimes you are being tested, a specific problem is not actually an obstacle, it is just a trail or a quiz to see if you are ready for the next level. For instant, let’s say someone is walking down the street and see a homeless man or a woman sitting on the sidewalk, asking for a small charity from the pedestrians. If someone will give him or her few dollars even if they don’t have lots of money or even it is just small symbolic amount, it signifies that the monetary energy is working excellent and this person will get some kind of reward.

Money is like water, it should flow back and forward without any blockages. Many people around the worlds want to with millions of dollars in the lottery. They tried every trick and system to guess the right numbers but it didn’t work. Because they have never took the time to check their karma. To find out if something is blocking the good energies.

902 angel number spiritual meaning

902 angel number spiritual meaning is all about being united. Being links to your soul, to the spiritual world and to other people around you, especially family and friends.

Regarding spiritual meaning, you are encouraged to reveal what is the purpose of life. You can start learning about these matters in many ways such as reading quotes from ancient books, biblical verse and scribes, grow an interest about the origin of psychics phenomena like astrology chart and zodiac sign.

All of these will be best explained by a guide, master or guru whom you trust. This person can help you to gain knowledge about the fundamentals of spirituality. Remember that spirituality is not an exact science, there are subjects or interesting topics that can not be explained only by logic or calculation. It is more about feelings and intuitions.

If we take a closer look at angel number 902 we can see a great chronicle path. 0 is the start, 2 is the first two steps in your spiritual journey and 9 means almost completing the mission. These are important phases which symbolize the exact moment of struggles.

At first you will be clueless, you will not know what to do or which direction to choose. However after the first step the horizon will be clear as the sun without clouds. Few steps a head the clouds will fill the skies and you will have serious doubts regarding your choices. From there everything will be smooth until you will reach one level before the end. You will want to quit and go back to your old life. Don’t let all your hard efforts to be a waste of time, endure the complications and you will reach the final destination.

902 angel number in love

902 angel number in love is a good sign. First and foremost the number 2 symbolizes couple, man and a woman in love who wants to share their entire life together. If you are single it usually predicts that soon you will find your soulmate or twin flame. Therefore a good advice is to start go on dating. You are encouraged to register to dating websites or apps, as friends and family to introduce you to potential life partners and just be out there doing what you love or good at and the angel will send nice opportunities.

For those who are already in a relationship, 902 angel number in love predicts a good progress to the next level in the mutual connection. It can take many forms such as engagement, marriage, having kids or just moving to live together at the same house.

Sometime 902 angel number indicates other kinds of partnership like business cooperation or having platonic relationship. It is a wonderful practice to say yes and welcome those correspondences as it has many benefits. Furthermore falling in love takes time, it doesn’t always happen from first site or in one day. The fundamentals need to be built slowly and surely.

902 angel number twin flame

902 angel number means you are on the right way to find your twin flame. The angels are whispering you to forget past relationships. Give a chance for a fresh start, if you want things to be different this time, you have to change something. You can not be the same person you have been in the past. Invent yourself as a better version when it comes to personality, traits and characteristic. You know better, you have experience so use it.

After eight which is Virgo lucky number, number nine is about almost completing the cycle and number 0 meaning is endless opportunities and being complete with yourself. These are powerful indicators that soon you will meet a twin flame. The reason it didn’t happened till now was because you were searching at the wrong places or wasn’t quit ready for a major event which will entwine your soul with another special person.

902 angel number and 903 904 905 906 909 numbers

902 angel number is also associated with: 900, 901, 0903, 904, 905, 906, 907, 908 and 909 on an energetic level. So if you see those numbers as well or instead of 902 the messages are pretty much related to each other but it might have few variations.

Important: if you are ignoring 902 angel number when it repeats itself several times, you will probably see other sequences like 903, 904, 905, 906, 909 trying to grab your attention.

903 angel number meaning: is almost the same as 902, but because it has the number 3, it amplifies the need to be in front of a crowd. Maybe you would like to be a leader in the army or political party, maybe the path of your career should include management or you can also express yourself as a famous artist.

904 angel number meaning: because it has the number4 inthe end it means you will have to work extremely hard in order to be happy. Don’t let this fact to discourage you, on the contrary, it will only motivate you to carry through the mess and obscurity. Furthermore it suggests you have lots of responsibly, so you are not doing it only for you but also to others who are relaying on you.

905 angel number meaning: the number 5 adding to the interpretation an aspect of freedom. You will learn how to use wisely all the resources around in order to have free lifestyle. I can take a form of self employment, creating small home business, living frugal next to nature, travel the world and take care of the environment and animal kingdom.

906 angel number meaning: number 6 is related to money and assets. Everything that related to career, work, finances, occupation and business will brings you huge success. If you will choose this path you might be very happy. But while you are stockpile money don’t forget the spiritual elements of life as well. Don’t become something that you are not. Remember the history, where you come from and what is more important in life than materialism.

909 angel number meaning: this angel number has double 9, it denotes more weight on the spiritual aspects of life. You might have a life changing event, it can be bad or good but for the long run, you will see that it was necessary as a part of spiritual development.

Important 902 angel number sacred signs

9: natural personality traits and values which are good example to others, leadership and a good heart who wants to help people in anyway and at all cost like a saint.

20: there are some secrets that will be reveal to you by guardian angel, you will not see them right away it will take some time. It also might predict a new relationship and special connection with soulmates and twin flames.

29: in numerology dictionary is about being smart, having great wisdom and sharing knowledge. It’s a sign you should be a teacher, guru or spiritual guide in the career path. Solving problems is not a big issue for you especially when it comes to mathematics and logic, but you can be sure that the angels are on your side if you will need their guidance.

90: numerology meaning is idealism and specific point of view. You already know who you are and how you want to live life. Everything is so clear and all that is left is just to go according to the plan.

92: those who keep seeing the number 92 supposed to have high developed intuitions and psychic power. The angels are sending messages to direct you to use it for good reasons. You have the power and need to learn how to control it and when to use it, don’t waste your natural gift on things that doesn’t matter.

209: is an omen to work together. You will not accomplish most of your challenges by yourself. You will need the help of others as well. The angels will come but you won’t see them in person because they will send messengers. In fact those agents won’t even know they have been sent to help, it is your secret mission to spot them.

290: your wishes and dreams are going to be granted, everything is going according to the scheme. Consequently have the confidence to complete your journey. The karma is on your side, if you have been a good person the future is looking very promising.

902 angel number can be seen repeating itself in many occasions during the daily life. Here are few examples to help you spot it: phone number, bus plate, urban zone, calculator, converter, zip code, clock ring, birth date, birthday and many more.

Moreover it can be revealed at any place or any country. Many people reported 902 angel numbers at Quebec, Russia, UK, USA, Philippines, Japan and Korea. And in different languages as well: Hebrew, Chinese, Japanese, English and Nepali.

So recently my 5 year old has been very anxious about a lot of what if situations. Like "what if you die and someone else has to take care of me and I never see you again" or things like "what if you don't want me anymore/if feels like no one wants me anymore" and some other things kind of on the same level. Seems like separation anxiety but out of the blue. Just a lot of huge emotions lately and fears.
A little back story. My mom died by suicide when I was 6. She's known this for a while. She does NOT know how she died, just that she did. Also myself and my husband both have our own mental health struggles that I'm sure contribute because we can get stressed out and snappy over nothing. I have bipolar disorder and ADHD which makes me a little touchy some days, but I'm medicated so it's been much better and I'm much more stable now.
We encourage her to express these feelings and talk to us when she feels this way and we even gave her a mental health day from school on friday because drop off for school was hard this week. We always try to validate and never shame her for any of her feelings. We also try to really drive it home that we love her and talk through all the scenarios she comes up with.
I think part of the issue is she starts Kindergarten this upcoming year. So all new teachers, new friends, new school. All of it. She absolutely loves her teachers and has such a special bond with her friends and none of them are going to the same school, which in itself is a touchy subject as she was born when my husband was military so her friends she has known literally since they were born, we all moved away from each other when they were all about to be 4. She's always been a big emotion, opinionated, passionate kid. I hate the idea that she is struggling and I'm trying to find the best way to support her through this because I know personally how much anxiety sucks. So any advice would be so so greatly appreciated.

i posted this in teachers sub as well, but thought i might get additional input here.
i have always, in general, been a no homework teacher (philosophically). i utilize my class time (which is most of these kids' days) carefully and efficiently and have never felt like there is a benefit to assigning work outside school, when i want my students to be outside, spending time with their families, playing sports, etc.
my main goal as a teacher is to foster a love of learning, and to me, the assignment of a task that becomes a crushing obligation isn't the way to do that.
this year, i taught third grade and as a class, didn't assign homework. i Do encourage my kids to read each night (most of them are avid readers) and i also encourage those that are not yet fluent in all their multiplication fact to practice those. next year, i am teaching a 4/5 combination class so i am wondering if i should implement anything differently.
i really Really want my kids to be reading each night, and we've spoken continuously about how important reading is, and i think it's an incredible opportunity for parents to bond with their child and explore literature that their child is individually interested in. i don't think it makes it as fun and enriching and fulfilling if you're recording how many pages you've read and blah blah and having your parent sign it. my school "requires" a reading log across all grade levels because we are "built around a love of reading", but my most unpopular opinion is that not all kids are going to love reading. not all kids are going to love Anything, and us requiring a reading log doesn't change that.
i apologize if this seems discursive. what grade level do you teach and how do you handle reading outside of school?

https://youtu.be/rFA5a2cTxa4?si=nZtNHwVy1kAkr4Wu
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If you're curious about my thoughts on previous Yakuza games, here are my much shorter (except for 4, thats pretty long too) reviews for Kiwami 1, Kiwami 2, Yakuza 3 (Remastered), and Yakuza 4 (Remastered).
All of my reviews are made pretty quickly after I finish the game, this was written right after I finished but I haven't posted it till a month later because its so long I thought no one would ever read this but whatever I gotta get my truth out there.
Per usual I played the remaster of Yakuza 5. I'm not sure of any outstanding changes or things of note like with 3 or 4, but if something I say is exclusive to the remaster please let me know! I may sound overly praising or overly critical of this game, who knows but please be kind when you tell me i'm an idiot for feeling the way I do! Lastly and most importantly please please please don't spoil future games in the comments! Also warning I'm way too active in the comments section.
Because I am an utter psycho and decided to write a fuckin bibles worth of yakuza 5 ramblings, Part 1 is just reviewing the plot and Part 2 goes over everything else. I split this up last second so there's likely some spots where I say something like "we'll expand on this later" then I never bring it up again, that's because it's probably in part 2. If you want my thoughts on things like the substories, side stories, gameplay, and settings you can read Part 2 here: https://www.reddit.com/yakuzagames/comments/1cvrybw/yakuza_5_a_mega_big_ole_reviewsummary_for_a_big/
The Plot:
Like with Y4, I will discuss my thoughts on each section of the game rather than in one long chunk just because I find it more fun. I'm not even gonna try to not summarize this time because this game is so big it needs broken down.
Part 1: Kiryu
You might often find me compare Y5 to Y4 a lot in this review because they're honestly quite similar games and feel like a package. When I started playing 4 I was worried I wouldn't like playing as primarily strangers for a majority of the game, but one thing they did absolutely right was making Kiryu the final protagonist you play as in that game. So going into 5 I was very apprehensive about starting off with Kiryu, I worried they showed their hand too soon and that it would be difficult to stay invested the whole time.
With this feeling going into the game, I was immediately somewhat losing it over Kiryu being an incognito taxi driver with the worst disguise of all time (some sunglasses and a face mask, don't worry he's literally the only one in the game that seems to think it's a good disguise). Right off the bat, this game feels...sad. Kiryu watching Haruka giving an interview on the TV and storming out rather then defend her to some losers who don't get what ART is, was SAD. This part of the game felt so mundane for awhile, but not in a bad way! You wakeup as Kiryu, walk to work, drive your taxi, and go home late at night (usually) alone. The whole time my eyes were drawn to a facedown picture frame and wondering what it could be, but I certainly had a guess. Kiryu is going through a hard, isolating, and depressing time and you can feel that so well from the game and how they have you play as him. Anyways there's also a random gal named Mayumi that will not leave Kiryu alone despite him asking her to. All you're doing by the end of chapter one is going "Huhhhhhhh?" Anyways Kiryu is approached by two dudes named Morinaga and Aizawa in chapter 2, telling him Daigo was???? Kidnapped?? GASP.. Admittidly I wasn't too fond of this duo at first. One thing that was consistent through my playthrough is that I was completely incapable of predicting anything correctly, and it had felt like these two were gonna be my pals for the rest of the game and I just wasn't clicking with them. Not to mention this weird semi-one sided-romance going on with Mayumi.
In chapter 3, we begin with the most heartbreaking thing that could ever happen to me, Yakuza 3 superfan. Kiryu has been pushed out of running the orphanage by a lady named Miss Park. It's all making sense now. He does it so the orphanage can have money and so Haruka can follow her dreams. DOESNT MAKE IT EASIER TO DEAL WITH FOR ME :( . Then we meet Watase, first thoughts? I was like "god I hope this guy isn't the main villain he's kinda lame" Soon after we meet Aoyama and I thought literally the same thing. Clearly by this point in the game I didn't have the highest hopes. I was mostly sad and not liking most of the new characters. But then... things take a turn.
Mayumi was actually a spy! thank god honestly. Kiryu meets Aoyama again but then Morinaga shows up and fuckin kills Aoyama and says he buried Aizawa alive HOLY SHIT? and then soon after I'm told Majima is fucking dead. Figured he wasn't actually dead cuz I've seen pictures of him from later games but holy shit I somehow cried just at the THOUGHT of him being dead. Also at some point here we met a detective who is an important player in this story but at this point not too integral. Also before Kiryu leaves he picks up the picture frame and its the orphanage ;-;
Kiryu final thoughts: This part of the game was fantastic. I'm so glad they started with Kiryu in this case despite my initial unsureness with it. Chapter 4 especially is when everything really falls into place and starts going 100 miles an hour but I also love the slowness of the previous 3 chapters. I do wish we got more Morinaga as this is unfortunately the last we hear of him despite this being a wonderful set up to a really interesting villain. Mayumi was a pretty shit character per seemingly always with any full grown woman in Yakuza games. While I think it's cool she was secretly a spy she was clearly an afterthought as we never hear about her again so that's cool. Basically a mixed bag of new characters overall.
Part 2: Saejima
I jokingly said to myself "Wouldn't it be funny if I had to spend half of this section breaking out of prison again. Thank god that's not the case." and continued hanging out with Majima until I was arrested for two more years of serving my sentence and OH NO IM BACK IN THE BUILDING.
Yeah I was VERY unsure about breaking out of prison again being a good call. Thankfully, and sorry to Y4, this is a much better prison sequence. Another thing I was really unsure about was BALD SAEJIMA! But actually... it kinda slays harder? In Y4 he looks like that guy from the game The Hatred (an insult) maybe it wouldn't be so bad if bro washed or brushed it but he never did and so instead bald was a slay. Anyways We're dropped in at nearly the end of Saejima's serving period with his group of friends/cellmates, newest one being some dude named Baba. We are relentlessly tortured by the scariest man I've ever seen, Viktor Zsasz-I MEAN! Kugihara. Who's honestly scarier looking then Zsasz somehow. But it is ON because Viktor Zsasz framed my bestie Baba and I will not let that slide so I beat the fuck out of him and it's revealed Zsasz was instructed to be a dick to me. By who??????????????????? Then it's double revealed to me that Majima is dead and I'm sad all over again :(
Turns out our warden is actually really chill and nice and somewhat tries to help us survive. What a breath of fresh air after Satan (Saito) from Y4. This guy is so cool infact we are encouraged to break out by him. So Baba and I do in the dead of the night and tell me why I cried over leaving my two other cellmates ;_; they were such bros. Zsasz hinders my escape and we fight, but my absolute PAL Himura fuckin shoots him it was an amazing turn of events and I cheered so loud and was devastated to leave him behind but anyways-
FUCK YEA SNOW MOBILES (they were kinda jank to control honestly but its the thought that counts). I am so glad I didn't know I was going to be fighting a bear going into this because that was easily the most camp thing ever and so hilarious. Then some old guy saves me (and later Baba) and we chill in the mountains for a little while. The mountain has a whole crazy detailed side story of it's own that I'll explain in more detail later but basically it was cool.
So then a ton of important stuff happens in Tsukimino, most notably we hang out with Baba in a bar which is great because I love Baba and him and I are super tight and he's easily the only person I could ever trust at this point without potential for betrayal! :)
Anyways me and Baba fuckin kidnap this guy because his chair is by a sewer manhole? He's gone in a flash so all I can imagine is dragging him down the hole by his ankle or something. Then we talk for awhile, Majima is mentioned woohoo, THEN HE'S sniped! The way I gasped. Longstory short :( Baba is the one who sniped him and not only that he kind of set everything up and wasn't my best pal all along :( Why Baba Why? Then Baba basically confesses his love for Saejima and can't go through with killing him, AAAAAAND Im back on the Baba train. That detective I mentioned from earlier arrests Saejima but not to throw him back in jail, to assemble the Yakuza avengers.
Final Saejima thoughts: This was shockingly fantastic. I was probably least impressed with Saejima's section in Y4, so it was shocking to have basically the same structure and general narrative beats but done well. It wasn't perfect, I didn't love it as much as Kiryu's section as I'm partial to a slow burn, but it was fun I have no real complaints, except MAYBE more then one chapter in Tsukimino would be a better choice.
Part 3 (first half): Haruka
I did not know I was going to get the HONOR of playing Haruka going into this game. We start off very strong, dancing to the greatest song of all time "So Much More." I mean we really get the full idol experience here with mean ass teachers and shady management. I didn't expect to get an Idol simulator in my Yakuza game but it might be the best thing ever. I decided right off the bat to put everything I had into this section of the game so immediately I did literally everything I could. Most of this chapter feels like a bit of a reflection of Kiryu's were working and going back home alone, it's all as monotonous and isolating as can be (except you're a predebut idol) and I love this. We quickly meet a girl who will serve as my bestie named Akari and yes I indeed would die for her thank you. Meeting Akari introduces us to this sections version of combat, DANCE BATTLES! I know some people might be disappointed you don't get to punch people as Haruka, and I get that, but this feels like a more genuine gameplay style for her character. It's hard to imagine Haruka fighting thugs in the street due to her personality (not that i'd be against it, especially after that weird virtual reality game where I get to wack dudes with a wand) plus I found this gameplay style so refreshing. I was never groaning or sighing because I had to dance against someone. I think it helps that I wasn't forced to do it 15 times in a row walking down the street, but I had the option to most of the time unless it was part of a quest. Maybe that's how all the gameplay should be? I don't mind being approached by thugs sometimes but it always feels like it happens too often in these games and with getting the option to while getting to walk around carefree otherwise in Haruka's section was just SO NICE.
Anyways, We get the whole set up here, we are participating in a competition show that will single handedly set the course for our debut. We're competing against this band called T-set. I hate them so much. They're so mean :(. At some point we see Miss Park absolutely SLAY and tell off Haruka's dance teacher and she doesn't take his shit at all. At this point I was like "Uh ohhhh I don't wanna like her but...she kinda rocks" my decent into stanning Miss Park only continues from there. We have to go convince some guy named Christina (interesting name to take but also a slay, much respect to Mr. Christina and his fedora) to be our new dance instructor. This causes drama with me and Akari which devastated me because I love Akari but we made up like immediately so it's chill.
Then at one point, I forgot the context, Haruka is shopping for a gift for Miss Park when stupid T-set shows up and STEPS ON THE BROACH I BOUGHT FOR HER. I was back and forth on them until now, now they may burn in hell. Especially after they made Haruka get on her knees and beg for forgiveness like ???? what gives ??? Park shows up and SLAYS and gets rid of them. Park then wears the broach :(((((((((
Then one of my favorite parts happen in chapter 2, Haruka and Miss Park go hit the town and just bond together. It's so stinking cute I wanted to cry. This whole time I was trying to not get emotionally attached to Park because it really felt like she was gonna end up betraying us. But the night continued and we get some mother daughter vibes going, even so far as holding hands????? Also Im somewhat glad I didn't get to wear the outfit I bought at the store with Park because I was going for a Cheetah girls inspired look then realized far too late how tacky that might come off, not everyone is Raven Symone ya know?
Anyways at this point I'm like wow this is the cutest game ever, nothing can ever go wrong, Park MIGHT betray me but I don't even care. She gives us a cool pen and a tragic anime backstory with an abusive ex husband and everything and we call it a night Well the next fuckin day my world crumbles because PARK IS DEAD! She "committed suicide" as if!
Part 3 (second half): Akiyama
I can't tell you how devastated I was to realize I'd only get to play as Akiyama for half of a section of the game. However, I was also thrilled to see him at all. Apparently he's opening a Satenbori office and also he is the one who financed Park's dream to debut Haruka so that's how he has a hand in all this. There is tragically very little Hana, she calls you twice and both times were fantastic but I wish I had more :(. Anyways Akiyama has heard about Park's death and goes to the office and meets Haruka. I didn't think they'd even really know each other and assumed we'd have an interesting reveal that they both know Kiryu later but nah they know each other. It honestly probably works better this way because we don't have time for such trivial things! Akiyama is a fuckin detective now. I don't know why he has been tasked to do this but he does it so well I don't even mind. He quickly figures out Park didn't actually kill herself and they simply need evidence to prove this. I'm unsure when this happens but at some point while talking about the mystery SOMEONE FALLS OFF THE ROOF! It was Horie :( who I haven't mentioned yet but he's my manager and a real pal. Thankfully he lived but we found out that the former dance teacher pushed him off. I think he also killed Park or Kanai did, who knows, either way someone did and they suck for it.
Chapter 4 has a lot going on, but basically the president of Osaka talent is sus and he's also the secret chairman of Ousaka Enterprises, which is a different thing... but sounds similar. Ousaka is basically a higher up family in the Omi alliance, so he's part of the bad yakuza!!! Haruka keeps doing the competition and T-set keeps sucking. She wins the princess league by a landslide. I don't even see the point in a third round if she won both of the other rounds? Is the third round just worth more points? Either way Haruka destroyed them and they suck. Her poor vocal instructor is working as her manager now. At some point we find out Parks ex husband was none other then Majima! Which is quite the revelation. Japan is such a small world, everyone seems to know each other. This does mean that Majima at least hit Park (I think after her abortion) and I think he's like 10 years older then her yet they were already married when she debuted at eighteen... Is it time for me to confront the possibility that my favorite crazed murderer might not be the most upstanding citizen?
It ends with Haruka being kidnapped, (nothing out of character there), and Akiyama saving her. He and Haruka make their way to Japan for the big ole concert Park had been planning. Wow this story is really picking up! I hope nothing grinds it to a sudden stop!
Part 3 final thoughts: God this was amazing, every step of it. My only complaint is I wanted more, more Akiyama and MORE dancing but I might be the only one who wanted 40 more hours of dancing. Detective Akiyama and Haruka duo was not the team I knew I needed but Im glad it happened. I found all of the music and gameplay here SO fun and I loved the plot too. I really liked Parks character. I wouldn't necessarily hang out with her, but I found her to be pretty well written and its hard to hate anyone Haruka clearly treasures, I am very sad she is actually dead because up until the end of the game I kept thinking she was going to come back.
Part 4: Shinada:
We have come to a sudden stop. We start with a flashback to 1997 where Shinada has debuted as a baseball player for the wyverns, don't forget this moment because the rest of this section of the game constantly calls back to it. In the modern day Shinada is a loser who is really heavily indebt and lives in a weird grimey rooftop shack. He also now writes like ? smut articles ? And he's friend with a girl named Milky which is the craziest name I've ever heard. A loanshark who talks about his kids a lot constantly follows Shinada around and takes his money. There was a lot of promise with this gag, like maybe instead of letting me keep the 100k and still acting like I'm broke he shows up after every side mission to rob me but nope. At the end of the chapter we run into a masked man who is frankly just Daigo stealing Kiryu's disguise idea.
Shinada and loanshark (his name is Takasugi) walk around town looking for leads on uncovering the truth of Shinada's past. Because you see, Shinada one time got fired from baseball cuz everyone thought he cheated, oh you already knew that? yeah same but don't worry you'll hear it at least 40 more times. Daigo asked him to go look for clues about this, why does he care? I still don't know honestly. Takasugi is forcing him to go because...I guess money? and he's walking around with me and were acting like friends now for some reason. Shinada is incapable of having any agency for himself, he just does what people tell him to. He also keeps nearly dying like a looney tunes character with shit falling out of the sky and stuff. Eventually we find out the Nagoya family fixed the match and then some guy Shinada used to know does get smashed like a looney tunes character. Skip ahead, were called to help by Milky and she betrayed us. I am sad cuz I thought Milky was a friend for life. Turns out literally everyone Shinada knows aside from the fkn loanshark are evil, even the old baseball lady. This plot was so convoluted I frankly don't understand why they were doing what they were doing, all I know is they were more like a neighborhood watch situation then Yakuza even though they seemed to do the exact same thing. Also when I say literally everyone he knows is evil I mean everyone, even his old coach or whatever. For way too long I thought they meant the middle school baseball coach so I was hella confused. Anyways we then find out that actually Takasugi is Shinada's number one baseball fan. Okay? Anyways
Chapter 4 things finally pick up a little. Daigo reveals himself like anyone ever was doubting it was him, and he also reveals he cares because he went to highschool with Shinada. Is that fr how were connecting this? Daigo got expelled from highschool because he protected Shinada from a rival school. Once again, okay? I guess Shinada doesn't like that Daigo is a yakuza and punches him out the door. I wasn't a fan of this. Daigo goes down pretty easily, pitiful Daigo strikes again. I love him but can he do anything right? Anyways I guess the fight meant nothing cuz they're pals now and go to Tokyo together. We get a cut to Takasugi getting his money back from Shinada as well as a signed baseball...okay that's really cute I nearly cried. I wish they actually left it there but instead Shinada runs away last minute to meet up on that stupid baseball field from 1997 that we cant go 5 minutes without hearing about and we fight this guy named Sawada who was like the kind of mastermind and also the pitcher. Had Sawada not thrown an easy pitch, Shinada wouldn't have hit it and thus been kicked out for cheating. We fight some Omi then play baseball and OMG WHY ARE WE DOING THISSSSSS
Finally it ends and we go to Tokyo
Shinada final thoughts: If you cant tell I was not a fan of this. I found Shinada to be really inconsitently written. In side missions or when he's playing off of certain characters he's quite entertaining and un, but most of the time, he seems to just be a blank slate who does whatever and only talks about baseball. And omg maybe if I liked baseball this would have been the best thing ever but we did not need THAT much baseball talk or constant referencing to that baseball game in 1997. I get its central to his character but it became a meme how often he'd get misty eyed and talk about getting kicked out. Why did he move Nagoya to escape his image as a cheating baseball player when 1) he constantly talks about it anyways, 2) everyone literally knows who he is here anyways. They make it seem like at first he wants nothing to do with baseball anymore but he also goes to the batting cages all the time and also thinks about nothing but baseball. The plot here is just SO hard to follow and not at all what I want to be dealing with after we were really in the thick of things with part 3's ending. I'm not saying it was impossible for this to be good, I think there was so much potential here! Like seemingly all of Yakuza 4, the concepts are there but the execution is iffy. I think it's biggest downfall is when it happens. It would have made so much more sense to make the last section before the finale the Haruka section. Shinada would have felt much better to play as maybe as a part two or even a part three, but NOT part four. The odds were stacked against him being amongst a cast of characters that I already know and love. I definitely was more of a Tanimura fan, but I liked Shinada as a person. His inconsistent writing, unfortunate story, and tendency to be a little annoying really dragged this part of the game down for me.
Part 5: The Finale
This finale is crazyyyyyyy so strap in. I would expect nothing less then insanity from this game. First Kiryu shows up in Kamurocho WERE HOME BABYYYYYY. Were being followed by BABA!! I missed him. We fight for fun or something then we cut to Saejima who is meeting with the detective who tells us we gotta find Morinaga. OH YEAH THAT GUY. So we go to the Florist and we go to the arena only to find... AIZAWA??? The fuck? I thought Morinaga fuckin killed him cold blooded and made me think he was a cool as fuck villain. Only to find out that GASP Morinaga is actually dead. At this point I literally don't believe it because I guess I was in my era of not believing anyone ever dies.
We go to Akiyama who is told by Osaka ceo to not let Haruka perform. Akiayam says hell no. We also find out that Park and him planned to make Haruka and T-set a group and debut them at the same time but I somehow missed this when playing and didnt realize that till way leter. ANYWAY At some point we also see the CEO doing naked push ups in his penthouse which was so weird. ALSO there is a Date-san reveal. The scream I screamt! I didn't know I missed him or needing him so much in a game till I saw him again. Usually I'm wondering why he's even there or what he adds but I finally get it now, he adds being Date to the table and that's all you need.
Then I do a tower sweep at Kamurocho hills and OMG is this what Majima was building the whole time? To be fully honest it's beautiful and im very proud but its so different and lowkey off-putting. Kind of like Majima himself. I miss him. A whole game and I only be hearing about him second hand its not fair. Question, did literally anyone choose Saejima to do the tower sweep? Anyway were on the top of the tower; Kiryu, Saejima, CEO Katsuya, and Watase. We all have to fight eachother to draw out the one true bad guy and also cuz this is a yakuza game, so off our shirts go and everyone fights. Basically everyone gets shot and the bad guy is revealed... THE DETECTIVE. Who saw it coming? I still kept thinking Park would come back or Morinaga but by this point I was definitely suspecting him too. I don't fully get why he's doing all this but long story short he's purging both the Omi and Tojo of nice? Yakuza? I guess? I think it mostly has to do with him making way for his son to inherit a role in everything but thats not further explored till later. Not to worry tho! Daigo has shown up!!!! But because he is Daigo you should definitely be worried because once again he cant do anything right and he gets shot by Kanai. God dammit Daigo. He is now in critical condition, this is the SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED DAIGO. He's such a damsel in distress, never change.
Baba tells Haruka the message Kiryu had for her, to never give up. He also asks her to come with him to convince to Kiryu to chillax but she refuses. Sad for no one but me. At the New Serena, where that absolute BOP of a song is blaring, Kiryu is sleeping, while the rest of the crew are chilling and chatting. I forgot to mention Akiyama and Shinada briefly teamed up but frankly who cares. Shinada talks about baseball alot here too just incase you were worried he wouldnt. They conclude that detective bad guy is gonna attack Haruka's concert which I will NEVER allow. I guess Shinada's purpose here is actually tha the knows the stadiuk layout pretty well which I will buy in to. Also I believe here Haruka gets told about her and t-set being a band together now called Dreamline. I also dont love this. The idea of it is fine, Im all for a disney channel original movie plot where the bullies are actually great and we all become friends at the end but the issue is they don't properly develop T-set to do that. The short haired girl gets one little moment of being somewhat nice to Haruka then the very next time I see her she's stepping on my boss's broach and making me beg on my knees like sorry but it's really hard to come around on liking them. Even now when Haruka stumbles duing practice they're rude! This is a tragic ending if anything but Haruka seems happy I guess... Dont worry they will be nothing more then Haruka's glorifed backup dancers.
Okay final chapter, and it's a doozy. We send Shinada of all people to go help Haruka at the stadium, I know i just said I get he knows the layout of the stadium but like :( he's literally the only one who hasn't met her. I guess they don't end up interacting really anyways. Saejima is going to go after Majima because btw he's alive and at the top of the millenium tower. Akiyama and Kiryu stay on the ground to defend against attackers and they probably punch/ kick at least 10000 men. All the while Haruka gives her concert. But Baba is lurking and gonna shoot her, I thought he learned to be good again but whatever. Him and Shinada end up having a confrontation that ends in Baba losing and he's about to kill himself when !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my prison besties and the wardon show and up stop him! Oh my god I loved that so much what a nice resolution for Baba and I love that those guys went straight to a Jpop concert just for their pal. Meanwhile Saejima confronts Detective evil man on top of the millenium tower and !!! there he is, finally Majima is here. But he is not having a good time, turns out he's allowed himself to be captured and tortured for the sake of Haruka and now Majima and Saejima have to fight for the same reason. Then! Daigo shows up, while im literally begging him to actually shoot the bad guy but instead they all talk. Haruka is safe from harm (Baba wouldn't have done that shit anyways) and we officially learn about the plot of him attempting to put his son in charge of everything. Kiryu goes to Tojo headquarters to stop whoever this suspicious son is and Akiyama fights Kanai. Then literally all our friends ever show up to help and that was damn cute.
Kiryu shows up and it's eerie, completely silent with dead people everywhere. We go to the meeting room and the guy behind it all along was Aizawa. I definitely did not see that coming because I forgot he existed. But I suppose thats the point, he was so unassuming. I guess that means Morinaga actually was dead all along. We fight Aizawa while Haruka sings a song that seems very pointed at Kiryu wins (duh) but he is not doing well and tries to make his way through the streets. Meanwhile Haruka announces her retirement because she cant hide who she is or stay away from her family any longer and runs away to find Kiryu and THE GAME ENDS. Other games gave me a after credits scene that somewhat eased my concerns, but 5 is a overall very sad game and it's scene is her managing to him but he's bleeding out in the streets and falls unconcious in her arms.
Finale final thoughts: This was quite the finale! It was much better then Shinada's section but it was still a bit messy and left a lot of plot threads up in the air or had some unfortunate revelations. Nothing bad but things I think shouldve maybe been revealed earlier, like Aizawa. Only finding out with like 20 minutes of the game to go makes it feel too empty or even rushed when we know this game is otherwise not rushed at all. I was a little sad about the ending, I don't think it was bad at all I was just sad. The whole time I imagined it ending with the whole gang going to Haruka's concert and having a good time. For once I dont think the game fully dropped the ball on the finale like they tend to do so I commend it for that.
TLDOverall plot final thoughts: As a whole this is one of the most well written Yakuza stories since Yakuza 3 (obviously in my opinion). I can see that for some people all the plot twists and surprises might have felt like too much but I loved it, I never once could predict where this game was going. Morinaga dying off screen was such a let down and missed opportunity, at the end of Kiryu's section I was thinking he was going to be the best Yakuza villain in awhile but instead he went out in such a lame way. I do kinda wonder who killed him, I assumed it was just the detective guy but Aizawa seemed at least somewhat sad about Morinaga's death. I wonder if that was all a show? Another thing I dislike not just because of how it went, but also that it ended up going no where, Mayumi. They made quite the big deal about her at first and I do like the plot twist that she was a spy, but she wasn't even really acting any different when she was in spy mode and in normal mode. Plus you literally never see her again. I think Saejima's section was just very reminicent of his in 4, but done well. Aside from it taking quite so long to get to the city, by the time you leave it feels slightly rushed. I think the chapter in the woods didnt need to be its own thing. Absolutely no notes with Haruka, only that I'm sad this is all we will see of Park, I found her to be a really interesting character. Akiyama is where my main issues arise, only because I really do think he needed his whole section. He felt a little tacked on otherwise when I think he really didn't need to feel that way. I had hoped he would be part of half of Haruka's section then half of Shinada's where he is used to introduce us to Shinada as a character. But instead we get dropped into that like nothing. I know im probably the only one who cares about Hana this much but I really wish we got more of her. I basically said all my issues with Shinada at the end of his section but once again, I really didn't enjoy that plot. The finale was a mess and unfortunatly left at quite a cliff hanger which I wouldve rather it didn't but Im also okay with how it did. Some other things I wanted in this game was MORE MAJIMA I get why he wasnt for narrative purposes but Im gonna say that in every game. I wouldve loved more Okinawa orphan content. That being said there is way more content for them in this then in Y4 which is wild considering we spent like 5 seconds in Okinawa during a flashback and you never actually see them. It was so nice to hear what theyre up to second hand and some of the side missions expand on them a little more but I am devastated they werent there.
Lastly to briefly compare it to Y4, as they do feel like connected games. Y5 realy does feel like they took all of the concepts of the 4th game that needed to be reworked, and then re-did them to be better. The villains are better, prison break outs are better, and just like way more. I do think there are things in Y5 that are lacking compared to Y4, like general atmosphere, and I do think Tanimura's section in 4, as flawed as it is, is better then Shinadas. Akiyama's in 5 is great, but I love his in Y4 more simply because he doesn't have to share the spotlight. But I really have to emphasize, story and character are done better in Y5, ATMOSPHERE is done so much better in Y5.
TLDR for the TLDR: I liked this game :)
And there you have it, the longest goddamn review of all time. It was a really great game and I wish I could play it for the first time again because it was just SUCH a great experience. If you read this far I am so impressed by you and eternally grateful you even cared to. Please let me know your thoughts! I'm so excited to talk about this game with people. As for my rating, It was going to be a 10/10 until I got to Shinada's section now I'm in between an 8 or a 9. Ill just say 8/10 to be mean.
I am already neck deep in Yakuza 0 so I'm excited to write a much shorter review for that one soon.
Thank you for reading!

First of all congrats to all 2024 graduates.
This is a long one so yea. My dad has always been a pretty much absent father. Especially financially, with my mom buying us everything we’ve needed , we being my sister and I. I have vivid memories of my dad calling and saying he’s come pick us up for us to spend time with him, only for him to arrive at 10 PM to give us a $10 bill and kiss good bye. we saw him occasionally. We’ve maybe been with a total of 10-20 times throughout the entirety our lives. But as we got older we realized that we weren’t a priority of his.
Right around when COVID hit though my dad began to come around a lot more. But not in the way u may be thinking. See my dad got into hard drugs, with his then gf. Lost my baby brother to CPS, and was basically homeless. So he invited himself to our home, sleeping in my moms car at night and sometimes my mom being the god send that she is was nice enough to let him come in and eat when it got colder out. This was the worst time of my life concerning my father . I saw him in a completely different light and thought very little of him. It just completely stunned me that the only way my dad would come to see his kids is if he had nowhere else to go. He , as most drug addicts was in and out of jail, until one time when he had to stay for a few months longer , and then spent a few months in a halfway house. All throughout this and before my mom never really spoke ill of my father , unless she was arguing with him about some bull shit he was doing while being a druggy and hanging around our house, like doing drugs in our basement. But she always encouraged or even forced us to communicate with him, and try to forgive/ build a relationship with him. Aswell as countless times of my mom helping this man. Giving him money, rides, clothes, and wtv else he asked for.
Well after my dad went to jail that last time and was in the halfway house, he came out a new man. He kicked his drug habit, got his CDL license and was doing great. My sister and I were very proud of him and wanted to give him another chance. We spent 4th of July with him, and hung out with him a couple more times just driving around in his car. And just in general we’re a little closer and more communicative.
Fast forward to the 2 main incidents that led to him not being invited to my graduation . So as I was heading over to a friends house one day my car cut out. My mom was at work with a client (she’s a hairdresser) so I naively thought I could call my dad. He showed up took a look under my hood and realized that id need to get it towed. So I took the initiative to start calling tow companies and try to find the cheapest one. I luckily manage to find a guy that would do it for only $65 . Which if you’re an adult you know how much of an insanely good deal that is. Whilst I’m calling tow companies my dad has spent this time complaining about my moms choice in cars , and basically blaming her for my car cutting out. And also trying to call his sister so he could borrow a tool she had to just hitch my car to her truck and tow it himself. He can’t get ahold of her so I bring up the $65 tow guy. This man starts complaining saying he can do it for free and just wait for his sister to pick it up. Anothe 30 minutes go by and nothing. So i call my mom, and ask her can she cashapp me. Of course she says yes. So I call the tow man myself to get my car towed. The entire time this man is complaining about paying $65 fucking dollars, complaining about my mom buying the car , and complaining saying I hope she doesn’t expect me to pay for this. Mind you he has a CDL license, so he’s making good money and can more then afford to pay it . He paid $30,000 for his car cash and was able to save this money up for it in only a few months, so u do that math for how much he makes. At first I was ignoring him letting him talk shit. But he just kept going on and on and on, and I finally snapped and told him to stop talking about my mom and began defending her. We got into a heated argument that ended with him saying don’t ask him for anything, and me assuring him that I won’t. I had started crying because of how frustrated I was at the situation . I was asking something so little of him and this is how he acted? And he made fun of that saying “I’m not going to cry about it either” this was the last straw and I vowed to never reach out to him again.
I kept that vow despite my moms continuous efforts to get me to talk to him/ unblock him/ forgive him , but I was done. My 18th birthday roles around a few months later. And I decided to be nice and invite him, my thought process was I’m going to college soon , and won’t see him for probably the 4 yrs that id be gone away to school. So why not just try. I didn’t ask this man for anything and just told him where the place of my party was. The time comes and my mom and I are a little late to my party about 10-15 minutes late to getting to the place. He begins texting me asking where we are , and I say we’re a few minutes late, but otw and just resend the address . He starts making excuses saying oh he has work he has to go and wtv else. I say ok that’s fine . He says oh I have a gift I wanted to give you. I say oh you could bring it later when ur off or we could meet somewhere for me to get it tmrw. The next day roles around and I ask him if he worked today and when I could meet him to get the gift. Then he starts talking bs saying, oh I already gave it to ur mom, with the child support card. I’m thinkin oh maybe he can put more money on it and did that for me , for my bday. But no he was referring to the money he is mandated to pay by the state , which he just began paying for the last year or he so he’d been driving trucks. So once I realized this I decided to tell him how bad of a father he was, and yes I did disrespect him and curse him out and I didn’t care. This was really the final straw and I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. And that I did. This is where he really fucked up though. He texted my mom saying to give me the childsupprt card for my bday. My mom uses the $400/ month he pays for our utilities and has them on autopay. And idrc what anyone thinks about that I think it’s a very appropriate use of it. Especially since she pays for wtv else we need and want with no complaints . So she tells him it’s sad that has nothing to give his daughter on her 18th birthday and not to text her phone with the bs telling her what to do with the money. Ig this upsets him because he brings up something’s of my moms past , during a time that was really hard for her. And that was it for my mom. She cut him off too, and though she has not hate for him, she says she’s done allowing people in her life that do nothing but take advantage of and disrespect her. I was relieved to finally have my mother stop pressuring me to spend time with my father, and happy to be done with the stress and pain that he usually causes when he’s around.
Fast forward to now , my Graduation was last week. I only had 8 tickets . And I had already decided to give tickets to my grandma , her 5 kids (my mom , aunts , and uncles) my sister and my favorite cousin. A few days before the graduation whilst at school, a teacher pulls me aside and asks me did Ik my dad tried to come up to my school to get a graduation ticket . I laughed this off. The day of my graduation comes and I find out he was at the place of the graduation trying to find me. I was relieved that we didn’t bump into one another because I truthfully don’t want to see him. But later I felt a little bad when thinking about how he tried to come to the school then still came to the graduation despite not being let in obviously for the lack of a ticket. I don’t know why but my mom is in the same boat feeling guilty that he wasn’t let in on such a big moment. And has began some of her old antics of saying oh can he come to ur graduation party (not the ceremony but a family celebration) my guilt however doesn’t extend this far, and I just can’t give this man yet another opportunity to disappoint me. So what do you think Reddit , am I the asshole?

I am grateful to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for offering me this precious opportunity to share my experience of practising Buddhism with you.
I am 62 years old. Today, I can eat, sleep and walk like a normal person. However, did you know that I once was a paralyzed woman who could not even get up from bed, had difficulty turning over, and could not take care of myself? Through practising Buddhism and reciting Buddhist scriptures, I have completely freed myself from the misery of hell. I want to tell you with hard facts that practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures has not only given me a second life, but has also benefited me immensely. I want to share with you how I transformed myself from paralysis to health within four years without undergoing any surgery! May my presentation plant the seeds of bodhi in your hearts, so that more people will have faith in Guan Yin Bodhisattva who has boundless supernatural power, and recite Buddhist scriptures as soon as possible to be free from suffering and gain happiness!
1. When I was young, I opened two bars so I created bad karma, and karmic retribution is right on my heels!
I am the eldest daughter of my family and the eldest daughter-in-law of my in-laws family. Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist practitioners and urged me to practise Buddhism as well. However, because of my youthful ambition and good fortune, at the age of about 36, I ran two bars and enjoyed the pleasure of earning money, not bothering to practise Buddhism at all. By then, I was young and foolish, in the bars I gained filthy money by means of woman’s charms, which invariably created a lot of bad karma. How many people lost their morals and conscience for my sake of monetary gain? How many families have been broken up behind the scenes? How many people have done many things against ethics and morality under the paralysis of alcohol? I hereby express my deepest repentance to Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Karmic retribution is inescapable. I planted the evil cause so I reap the evil effect. The bad karma I created within two years of running the bars has brought me a tragic retribution 13 years later! (So, dear fellow practitioners, please take this as a warning!)
In 2010, I was 49, my predestined 369 calamity arrived. One day in July, my karma exploded. I suddenly collapsed at home kitchen while stirring frying vegetables. In an instant, I felt that the sky was falling, and I had nowhere to turn for help. An otherwise healthy me entered a life of hell on earth from then on. Every day, I ate, drank, pooped and peed in bed, had difficulty turning over, couldn't wash my hands and face, had trouble swallowing, so it was worse than death. I was paralyzed in bed from then on. The doctor said I had a herniated disc in my lower back. All the bones in my back were misaligned. Both knee bones were necrotic and so swollen. I have visited all the local city and provincial hospitals, big and small, to seek medical care. I almost spent all the several hundreds of thousands of RMB I had gained from my bar business. However, the condition got worse and worse.
2. Since encountering the excellent Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door, I have been practicing Buddhism hard to overcome any obstacles on the way and finally achieved a new life.
Perhaps it was the blessing from my family members who had been making offerings to the Buddha and practising Buddhism for years. Thanks to the mercy of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, I finally encountered the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door in 2012 when I was in the most desperate situation in my life. The person next door to my bar heard that I was sick and came to see me. She brought me Buddhist scripture, recitation device, Buddhism in Plain Terms, counters and many other Dharma gems. She told me the Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door was very efficacious, and asked me to try it. Although I could not move on bed, I listened all Master Lu's recordings like a thirst. I was pleasantly surprised to hear cases of patients who had been cured of cancer and serious illnesses by practising Buddhism and reciting the scriptures. The recordings of Master Lu's programs were like a bright beacon in the darkness, bringing me hope for life and giving me great encouragement. I felt I was awakened by a powerful energy, stirring up my strong desire to live. I told myself: I must survive; I must save myself! I started to practice Buddhism and recite scriptures as if I had grabbed a lifeline.
I am illiterate, so I had to lie in bed every day and learn to recite word by word with the recitation device. Due to the heavy karma, there was no virtuous and the high-minded practitioner around to teach me how to burn the Little Houses in a rational and lawful way. I foolishly took an ashtray instead of a plate to burn the Little Houses, which resulted in the ashtray blowing up. In order to eliminate karma quickly, I was foolishly reciting the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night, which resulted in the light bulbs breaking several times (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: Master Lu enlightened us not to recite the Heart Sutra and Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra after ten o'clock at night. Please make sure to read the Introduction to Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door carefully in order to avoid practising Buddhism irrationally). Therefore, we must follow the instructions of Master Lu, and never do what the Master does not allow us to do. The whole process of reciting Buddhist scriptures to eliminate karma is very bumpy. It is really easy to create karma, but very hard to eliminate it! However, I firmly believed that the Bodhisattva is infinitely powerful. As long as I diligently practised Buddhism, my fate would definitely get changed. Hence, I relied on the blissful cases in Master Lu's recordings as my spiritual support. I kept persevering, not afraid of any difficulties, and recklessly recited Buddhist scriptures.
Since I ate, drank and pooped in bed, my aura was very bad. As I could not get up by myself, so I had to lie in bed to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. I felt guilty and torn, wondering if this was the appropriate way to recite the sacred Buddhist scriptures. Will it affect the effect of the recitation? Gratitude to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassion, and I dreamed of Master Lu that night. Master Lu who was dressed in a black suit smiled at me and kindly comforted me: “don't worry.” After I woke up, I was very grateful for Master Lu's compassion. Master Lu knew about my special situation, so this is a sympathy and a condolence to me. After I recited Buddhist scriptures 4 to 5 months late, my neck and head were able to turn significantly. Such a Dharma blissful change thrilled me. All the trials and perseverance I had gone through in the past had not been in vain. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has boundless supernatural power, which had given me a glimmer of hope for recovery! (Here, I sincerely remind my fellow practitioners: In the absence of illness, recitation of Buddhist scriptures must be respectful. A point of respect harvests a point of benefit.)
3. The unique characteristics of attending the Dharma conference and formally acknowledging Jun Hong Lu as my master allow my physical health to improve with Dharma joy
In February 2017, I befriended a fellow practitioner. She invited me to attend the Macau Dharma Convention together. I thought to myself: “can I take the bus by myself?” “Can I attend the conference?” With a strong faith from my inner heart, I attended the conference via keeping reciting the Great Compassion Mantra on the trip. Unbelievably, I arrived at the conference as I wished with the blessing and protection of Guan Yin Bodhisattva, although my bulky legs could only barely support my body in the seat. I was in tears when I listened Master Lu's wise words and saw the holy icon of Guan Yin Bodhisattva. On the night of the conference, I dreamed of Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva for saving me from suffering and giving me a new life. At the end of the Macau Dharma Convention, I instantly made two vows: to be a vegetarian for 15 days per month and liberate 10,000 fish.
Before I attended the Macau Dharma Convention, I had to take a break whenever I walked two steps, and my body was not able to move much. After returning, my legs started to become strong enough to support my body and I could walk on flat ground. Despite they were not very flexible, they were no longer the same as when I was paralyzed like a limp in bed. My whole body is getting better and better in essence, vital energy, and spirit. I was very surprised! Master Lu has enlightened that there are many Buddhas and Bodhisattvas coming to bless attendees at each Dharma conference!
In August 2017, before the Dharma Convention in Malaysia, my fellow practitioners urged me to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as my master. Since I am an illiterate, compassionate fellow practitioners helped me to fill out the application form of seeking discipleship. My fellow practitioners told me that there were so many people wanted to formally acknowledge Jun Hong Lu as their master that I might not be able to reach my wish this time. Then, I had to wait for the opportunity next Dharma Convention. I told myself that whether I could reach my wish or not this time, I would actively participate in Master Lu’s Dharma Convention. Considering my age, it is a blessing for me to attend one more Dharma Convention. To my surprise, one week later, my application for seeking discipleship was approved. Gratitude to Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
On the day of seeking discipleship, I was very excited. During the process of seeking discipleship, I heard a voice in stereo that was very loud. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see Tathagata Buddha, and many other Bodhisattvas coming down from heaven. At that moment, I saw that the upper half of Master Lu's Dharmakaya appeared transparent with a huge lotus flower. I was suddenly moved to tears. I was oblivious to the fact that Master Lu had come to my side until the time of issuing the discipleship certificate. Master Lu was very compassionate and empowered me with blessing. Master Lu enlightened, "Because five people opened their eyes during the worship ceremony, they have no lotuses planted in the pure land. But it's okay, when the ceremony is over, you can go to the front and kowtow to ask the Bodhisattva (to plant a lotus)." I then rushed to the front to worship. Before I finished worshiping Bodhisattva, a young fellow practitioner came over. He asked, "How do you feel? Did you see anything?" I said, "I saw Tathagata Buddha." He asked, "How are you sure that was Tathagata Buddha?" I said, "Both my mother and mother-in-law are Buddhist disciples, and Tathagata Buddha has curly hair."
I was grateful for the compassionate blessing from Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu. When I returned home after seeking discipleship, I made two vows: to be a vegetarian for the rest of my life and never kill (animals). The power of a vow outweighs the force of karma. After I made the vows, Master Lu’s Dharmakaya came to help me heal my legs in my dreams. Once, I saw Master Lu’s Dharmakaya passing by my room while I was half-squinted. Master Lu asked me, "Which foot is uncomfortable? Where is aching?" Instantly I woke up and then I found that my feet didn't feel as heavy as they used to be and I walked more lightly. I excitedly shared the news with my old father, "Master Lu has come to bless me again!" I am grateful to Master Lu for his compassionate care for every sentient being. Every time I dreamed of Master Lu, he would always compassionately endow me with abundance of blessing, and I was always surprised by the improvement in my health.
In a short time, I could not only separate my feet and take turns to walk up and down the stairs independently. Moreover, I could bend back and forth freely with my arms crossed. The bones in my back, which were all misaligned and uneven, were now completely normal again. Previously, I couldn't raise my hands to wash my face, brush my teeth or comb my hair because the bones in my back would pull the nerves and cause severe pain when I raised my hands. In those days, whenever I sneezed or defecated, I felt like to cheat death on pain. In those hellish day I went through unimaginable pain and suffering. Now, however, I can take care of myself completely and move around freely. Sometimes I get a little tired after walking for too long, but I can recover after 10 minutes of rest in bed. Although it is still slightly bumpy while I was walking, if you don't look closely, you can't see it. My family was overwhelmed to see the dramatic change from being paralyzed and bedridden to walking independently since I practised Buddhism. My old father, who was taking care of me at the bedside, complimented me straight away: you have completely changed, becoming healthier and healthier now! I was so excited that I had tears in my eyes. Without the rescue of Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I really wouldn't have the blissful transformation I have today!
In 2019, at the Dharma conferences of Indonesia and Singapore, I pleaded with my fellow practitioners to be merciful to give me the opportunity to volunteer. According to the rules of the Dharma conference, I was already overage. However, I was adamant that I must do volunteer work. Guan Yin Bodhisattva has given me a second life, so I have to serve all sentient beings physically. I am grateful for Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva who helped me out. When I came back from the conferences, I found that I could bend and squat easily and freely, and I had no problem even sitting on the floor. I am grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for compassionately helping me to eliminate my karma at every conference, so that I can obtain incredible blessings and improvement occur every time.
4. The incredible blessing of setting up the Buddhist altar accelerated my health recovery and created a medical miracle.
From the time I set up the Buddhist altar in 2017, I insisted on offering Bodhisattvas incenses morning and evening every day. At first, the body was still straight and could not bend and bow. For two years, in front of the Buddhist altar, I prayed for Bodhisattvas to bless me so that I could recover my health a little better so I can use my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Dharma. Gradually, I was able to stand to offer incense to Bodhisattvas, to bend and bow, and finally to kneel in front of the Buddhist altar to recite the scriptures. I was full of Dharma joy! Initially, my back still hurt from kneeling. With the karmic obstacles being removed, my back didn't hurt anymore. Sometimes when I went out with fellow practitioners to set up the Buddhist altar, particularly on the Buddha's Birthday, I could kneel to recite the Eighty-eight Buddhas Great Repentance for an hour and a half. My fellow practitioners couldn't keep it up, so I was the only one who kept it up until the end. I am so grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassionate blessing!
At one time, the doctor at the provincial hospital told me that I had to have surgery to put two steel plates into the bone, but I refused. Because I firmly believe that with the of blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I am afraid of nothing. Buddha is an extraordinary doctor. The only way to recover completely is to repent sincerely and practise Buddhism. I can now move as freely as a normal person. This medical miracle achieved was completely relied on practising Buddhism, reciting scriptures, being a vegetarian, helping new practitioners to set up Buddhist altars, volunteering at Dharma conferences, and actively propagating the Dharma. To improve my family economic financial, I went out to work on construction sites as a helper, do cleaning and housekeeping!
Those patients who were once slightly paralyzed did not recover as quickly and well as I did, even with surgery.
Dear readers, when you see such a dramatic change in me, what are you hesitating for? Hurry up and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite! I am the living example, the ironclad evidence. Guan Yin Bodhisattva does exist, and She is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, answers any prayers.
Thinking of the bad karma I created in the two bars when I was young, I feel grievously sinful. I have earned ill-gotten wealth, but the karma was produced, and karmic retribution is inescapable. If one hasn't been retributed, the time hasn't come yet. After I got old, all the retribution came to me. Not only did I use up all my money, but I also had to suffer from physical illness and paralysis. I advise everyone to remember Master Lu's enlightenment: Do not do anything that is evil; Do not fail to do good no matter how petty the deed; Do not engage in evil no matter how trivial the deed. Dear readers, please consider it carefully before earning any money, and don’t commit such deep sins as I did for the sake of monetary gain, or else the consequences will follow you!
Without the merciful salvation and blessings of Guan Yin Bodhisattva and Master Lu, I would not have been reborn today! I made a few great wows: honour the teacher and respect his teachings, live an ascetic life for lifetime, be a vegetarian lifetime, not kill, not eat eggs, not smoke, not drink; transcend the cycle of rebirth for good and attain enlightenment in one lifetime. In this life, I will follow Guan Yin Bodhisattva to cultivate my mind and change my behaviour and never quit. I will follow my benefactor, the Compassionate father, Master Lu, to propagate Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door and never stop! Although I am over 60 years, I will continue using my own experience as an example to convince sentient beings to gain faith on Dharma and practise Buddhism. Together with my fellow practitioners, I will get up early and go home late to help set up Buddha altars for new practitioners. No matter how far and how difficult the trip is, I will always be strict with myself. I will go wherever I am needed. Even if I am eating, as soon as I receive a mission for propagating Dharma, I will put down my chopsticks and set off without delay.
Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door is peerlessly efficacious, and Guan Yin Bodhisattva is Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate, saves beings from suffering, has supernatural power, and answer all prayers. As long as we have a devout heart and we persist in reciting Buddhist scriptures and practicing Buddhism, no difficulty can defeat us! My physical changes are the most powerful evidence! May my true presentation give some inspiration to those people who are still suffering from illnesses, so that they can acquire faith to practising Buddhism, and pick up the Buddhist scriptures to recite. May more sentient beings having affinity with Buddha break free from delusion and attain enlightenment, balance egoism and altruism, and free from suffering and gain happiness.
My deepest gratitude to the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva!
My deepest gratitude to all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas from ten directions and three periods of time!
My deepest gratitude to the Dharma protectors!
My deepest gratitude to the selfless and altruistic Master Jun Hong Lu!
If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the truth in the presentation, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors, and Master Jun Hong Lu.
I’d also like to seek forgiveness from my fellow Buddhist practitioners.
I, not my fellow practitioners, will be responsible for my own karma!
Shared by: Dharma Practitioner Ganen, Gratitude and Namaste!
Translated by: Frank
Statement by Translator

1. Story was translated from Chinese into English by meaning, not word by word. If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the true meaning of the Chinese version, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
   
2. Author Ganen was interviewed by Frank during the translation for the detailed information.
   

Propagation
It would be greatly appreciated if you would forward this presentation to all sentient beings you know, sick or healthy. You will accumulate immeasurable merits and virtues. Saving a life is more meritorious than building a seven-floor pagoda!
Would you like to change your destiny?
We will show you how to do the Five Golden Buddhist Practices of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door: (1) making vows, (2) reciting Buddhist scriptures (sutras and mantras), (3) performing life liberation, (4) reading Buddhism in Plain Terms, and (5) repenting. You will personally witness how you and your family can achieve physical and mental stability, relief from illness and grievances, wisdom growth, academic progress, career advancement, and family happiness through Dharma. It’s free of charge.
Contact
Buddhist practitioner: Lily
Email: [sunnypurplelily@gmail.com](mailto:sunnypurplelily@gmail.com)
WeChat: HanJing20210820
原文如下:
从瘫痪卧床到行走自如做家政，心灵法门创造了医学奇迹
感恩南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨！
感恩十方三世一切诸佛菩萨！
感恩龙天护法金刚菩萨！
感恩恩师慈父卢军宏台长！
感恩师兄们！
感恩大慈大悲观世音菩萨慈悲，让我能有这个宝贵的机会与大家分享我的学佛经历。我今年62岁，现在是一个能吃、能睡、能走路的正常人了。但是，你们可曾知道，曾经，我是一个连床都起不了、翻身都困难，生活完全无法自理的瘫痪老人！如今，通过学佛念经，我把自己从地狱的苦海里完全挣脱了出来。我要用铁一般的事实告诉大家：学佛念经不仅给了我第二次生命，更让我受益无穷。我要跟大家分享，在这患病的四年里，在没有经历任何手术的情况下，如何让自己从瘫痪到健康的蜕变！愿我今天的分享给有缘人种下菩提种子，让更多的人相信观世音菩萨法力无边，早日学佛念经，离苦得乐！
1. 年轻时开酒吧造恶业，得现世报！
我是家中的长女、婆家的长媳。母亲和婆婆都是学佛人，都劝我也学佛。但是，由于年轻时好胜心强，加之财运不错，36岁左右，我经营两家酒吧，享受挣钱的快乐，根本无心学佛。年轻愚痴的我经营酒吧时靠女色来赚取黑钱，赚的都是不正之财，无形中造了很多恶业。在这种灯红酒绿中生活，我为了金钱利益，让多少人丧失了自己的道德与良知？背后又造成多少个家庭的破裂？又有多少人在酒精的麻痹下做出多少违背伦理道德的事情？弟子在此向观世音菩萨深深忏悔！因果报应丝毫不爽，种恶因得恶果。开酒吧这两年中我所造下的恶业，在十几年后让我得到悲惨的现世报！所以，请大家引以为戒！
2010年我49岁，正逢“三六九”关劫。7月的一天，我的业障大爆发，在家炒菜时突然间倒下。瞬间，我感觉天塌下来，叫天天不应，叫地地不灵。一个原本健康的我从此进入人间地狱般的生活。每天，我吃喝拉撒都在床上，翻身都很困难，没法自己洗手洗脸，吞咽困难，简直生不如死。我从此瘫痪在床。医生说我是腰椎间盘突出。后背的所有骨头都错位。两个膝盖骨头坏死，肿得很大。当地市里、省里大大小小的医院我都看过了。我几乎把我做酒吧生意所赚到的几十万块钱都花光了。然而，病情越来越严重。
2. 得遇殊胜法门，坎坷学佛路中坚持不懈地修行换来重生
也许是家人一直供佛学佛的福德。承蒙观世音菩萨慈悲，在我人生绝境之时，我终于在2012年得遇心灵法门。以前我开店隔壁的人听说我病倒了，就来看我。她给我送来了经书、念佛机、《白话佛法》、计数器等很多法宝。她告诉我心灵法门很灵验，让我试试。我躺在床上虽然无法动弹，却如饥似渴地把师父的录音听了个遍。听到人们通过学佛念经把癌症、重症都治愈的案例，我惊喜万分。师父的节目录音就像黑暗中的一盏明灯，让我看到了生活的希望，给了我很大的鼓舞。在这个过程中我像被一股强大的能量加持唤醒，激起了求生的强烈欲望。我告诉自己：我一定要活过来；我一定要自己救自己！我像抓住了救命稻草似地开始拼命学佛念经。
我不识字，只能每天躺在床上跟着念佛机一字一句地学着念。由于业力牵引，身边没有遇到善知识教我如理如法地烧送小房子。愚痴的我曾拿个烟灰缸代替盘子烧送经文组合小房子，结果烟灰缸炸掉了。为了抓紧时间消业，我晚上十点后还在念《心经》和《往生咒》，结果家里的灯坏了好几次（趁此机会我诚心提醒师兄们：师父开示，晚上十点后不要念诵《心经》和《往生咒》，请师兄们一定要好好看《心灵法门入门手册》，避免操作不如理不如法）。所以，我们一定要听师父的话，师父不让做的就不做。念经消业的整个过程非常坎坷。真是造业容易，消业难啊！但是，我坚信菩萨法力无边，只要精进努力，一定会得到改变的。于是，我依靠师父录音中的法喜案例作为精神支撑。我一直坚持不懈，不怕万难，拼命念经。
由于吃喝拉撒都在床上，气场非常不好，自己又无法起身，只能躺在床上念经。我内心愧疚又纠结，不知道这样念经是否如理如法？会不会影响念经效果？感恩菩萨慈悲，当晚我就梦见师父了。师父身穿着黑西装，一边慈祥地笑着一边安慰我：不要担心。醒来后，我非常感恩师父的慈悲。师父知道我的特殊情况，这是对我的宽容和安慰啊。后来，大概念经差不多4～5个月后，我的脖子和头也能明显地转动了。这样法喜的变化，让我激动万分。我过去所经历的磨难与坚持都没有白费。观世音菩萨法力无边，让我看到了康复的一丝希望！（作者提醒：师兄们，在没有病痛的情况下，念经一定要体态恭敬，一分恭敬一分受益。）
3. 参加法会与拜师的殊胜，让我的身体不断法喜蜕变
2017年2月份，我结识了一位师兄。她邀请我一起去参加澳门法会。我心想：我能自己坐车吗？能去法会吗？凭着内心坚定的信念，路途中我一直念《大悲咒》。虽然我笨重的双腿只能勉强支撑着身体坐在座位上，但在观世音菩萨一路加持护佑下，我竟然能够如愿到了法会现场。现场听到师父开示、看到观世音菩萨的圣像，我泪如雨下。大法会当天晚上，我就梦到了观世音菩萨！感恩大慈大悲救苦救难观世音菩萨救我于苦海，给了我新的生命和生活。澳门法会结束，我当即发愿：一个月吃素15天，放生一万条鱼。参加澳门法会前，只要走两步路我就要歇一歇，而且我的身体没办法大幅度活动。
澳门法会回来后，我的双腿开始变得有力，可以支撑起身子在平地上走路了。虽然还不是很灵活，但是比起原来像软泥一样瘫痪在床的状态，已经不可同年而语了。我整个人精、气、神也越来越好。我非常惊喜！师父开示过，每场法会有很多佛菩萨来加持大家！
2017年8月，马来西亚法会前，师兄们让我拜师，但我不识字。慈悲的师兄们帮助我代笔填写拜师申请表。师兄们告诉我，这次拜师的人太多，有可能排不上队，得等到下一场法会才有机会。我告诉自己，无论这次能不能拜师，我都一定积极参加师父的法会。我这么大年纪了，能参加多一场法会都是我的福报啊。让我惊喜的是，一个星期后，我的拜师申请通过了。感恩观世音菩萨慈悲！
拜师当天，我激动万分。在拜师过程中，我听到一个非常立体、非常响亮的声音。我睁开眼睛时，我竟然看到了如来佛祖，还有好多菩萨都从天上下来了。这时，我看到师父上半身的法身呈现透明状，有一朵大大的莲花。我顿时感动得泪如雨下。直到颁发弟子证的时候，我浑然不觉师父已经走到我的身边。师父非常慈悲，给我灌顶加持。师父说:“因为拜师过程中有5个人睁开了眼睛，所以莲花没有种上去。不过没关系，等拜师仪式结束后，可以到前面去磕头求菩萨。”我就赶紧跑到前面去拜。我还没拜完，就过来了一个年轻师兄。他问我：“您感觉怎么样？有没有看到什么？” 我告诉他：“我看到如来佛祖了。” 他说：“您怎么确定那是如来佛祖呢？”我说：”我家母和家婆是学佛人，如来佛祖头发卷卷的。”
感恩观世音菩萨与师父的慈悲加持。拜师结束回家我就发愿: 终生吃全素，不杀生。真是愿力大于业力，发愿后，师父又来梦里帮我治疗双腿。有一次，我半眯着眼睛看到师父从我的房间经过。师父问我：“还有哪只脚不舒服？还有哪个地方疼痛的？” 瞬间我就醒了，醒来我发现我的双脚没有了原来的沉重感，走起路来更加轻盈了。我激动地跟老父亲分享：“师父又来加持我啦！”感恩师父慈悲关怀着每一位众生。每次梦见师父，师父都慈悲给予加持，我的身体总会有惊喜的好转。
没过多久，我不仅可以分开双脚，轮流迈开步伐独立上下楼梯。而且，我双手叉腰，可以前后自如地弯腰。后背的骨头原本因为全部错位并高低不平，如今完全恢复正常了。原本我没办法把手举起来洗脸、刷牙和梳头，因为手一抬，后背的骨头扯神经会导致剧烈的疼痛。每次打喷嚏或排泄的时候，都有种痛不欲生的感觉，就像死里逃生一样。这种地狱般的日子让我历经常人难以想象的苦痛折磨。然而现在，我的生活可以完全自理并且行动自如。有时候走太久会有一点点累，但是卧床休息十几分钟就可以恢复过来。虽然走路还有一点点高低现象，但如果不仔细看，是看不出来的。看到我学佛念经以来，从瘫痪卧床到独立行走的巨大变化，我的家人无比震惊。当年在床头边照顾我的老父亲直夸我：现在整个人完全变了，变得越来越健康了！我激动得泪眼婆娑。没有观世音菩萨与师父的大慈大悲救苦救难，真的不会有我今天的法喜蜕变！
2019年印尼法会和新加坡法会上，我恳请师兄们慈悲给我做义工的机会。按照法会规定，我已经超龄了。但是，我坚决一定要做义工。观世音菩萨给了我第二次生命，我就要身体力行地为众生服务。感恩观世音菩萨的慈悲，让我能如愿以偿。从法会做完义工回来，我发现我可以轻松自如地弯腰和下蹲，就连坐在地板上也没有问题了。感恩菩萨每次法会上都慈悲帮我消业，让我每次都能有不可思议的加持，变化。
4. 设佛台的不可思议加持，加速我身体恢复健康，创造医学奇迹
从2017年设佛台起，我每天坚持上早晚香。起初，身体还是直直的，不能弯腰鞠躬。两年里，我每天在佛台前上香求菩萨加持，让我身体能恢复得更好一些，能为众生表法。慢慢地，我从站着上香到弯腰鞠躬，到最后可以跪在佛台前念经。真是法喜充满啊！刚开始跪着后背还是很痛。随着业障的消除，我的后背也不疼痛了。有时候和师兄们出去设佛台，遇到佛诞日，我跪着念诵《礼佛大忏悔文》足足有一个半小时的时间。许多师兄都坚持不下来，唯独我坚持到结束。真是感恩菩萨慈悲加持！
曾经，省医院的医生告诉我，必须做手术把两块钢板放进骨头里，但我回绝了。因为我坚信有观世音菩萨和师父两座靠山，我什么都不怕。在因果面前，佛是大药王。唯有诚心忏悔，学佛修行才能彻底康复。我完全靠学佛念经吃素、设佛台、参加法会做义工，积极弘法度人，才创造了医学奇迹：现在和正常人一样行动自如。我甚至去工地做小工，搞卫生、做家政弥补家用！那些曾经轻微瘫痪的患者就算做手术，也没有我恢复得快，恢复到如此好的状态。
读者朋友们，你们看到我如此天翻地覆的变化，还犹豫什么呢？赶快捧起经书念经吧！我就是活生生的例子，铁一般的证据。观世音菩萨真实存在，并且大慈大悲有求必应啊！
现在回想起年轻时开酒吧所造下的恶业，真是罪孽深重。不正之财赚到了，可是，因果报应丝毫不爽，不是不报，时候未到。在我人到老年时，所有的报应一涌而来。不但钱财全部用尽，还要遭受肉体病痛的瘫痪之苦，因果不空啊！奉劝大家一定要谨记师父的教诲：诸恶莫作，众善奉行！不以善小而不为；不以恶小而为之！挣任何钱财之前都要三思，切记不可为了金钱利益而像我一样造下如此深重的罪孽，否则果报如影随形！
没有观世音菩萨和师父的慈悲救度与加持，就没有我今天的重生！弟子许愿尊师重道、一生清修、终生吃全素、不杀生、不吃鸡蛋、不抽烟、不喝酒；一世修成，永断轮回。今生跟着观世音菩萨修心修行，永不退转。跟着恩师慈父卢军宏台长弘扬心灵法门永不停息！我虽然60多岁了，但是我要身体力行地为大家表法，起早贪黑地和共修组师兄们一起去助缘设佛台。无论路程多么遥远，多么艰辛，我都严格要求自己。哪里需要我，我就走到哪里。哪怕我在吃饭，只要接到弘法任务，我一定当即放下筷子，一刻也不能耽误地出发。
心灵法门灵验无比，观世音菩萨大慈大悲，救苦救难，法力无边，有求必应。只要我们有一颗虔诚的心，只要我们坚持念经修行，没有什么困难可以打倒我们！我的身体变化就是最有力的证据！愿我的真实分享给那些还在受着病痛折磨的人们一些启发，让大家生起学佛念经的信念，捧起经书念经，愿更多的有缘众生能够早日破迷开悟，自利利他，离苦得乐！
我的分享结束了，分享中如有不如理不如法的地方，请观世音菩萨慈悲原谅！请十方三世一切诸佛菩萨和龙天护法菩萨慈悲原谅！请师父慈悲原谅！请师兄们批评指正！我自己的业障自己背，不让师兄们背！感恩合十！
分享人：感恩～全素
2022-02-28
请将本文慈悲转发给瘫痪病人及其家属
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Whatever you’re trying to achieve - save the world, write a novel, or championing a particular cause – there are likely to be those who will be critical. Some people just have a critical disposition while others will take issue with the specifics of your endeavour. Criticism is unavoidable. However, how we choose to respond to criticism is entirely within our control.
These are effective strategies for managing the critics in your life:
Clarify your purpose. At the core of our being lies the quest for meaning. Making meaning for ourselves – and value for others – is fundamental to a life well lived. When our pursuits align with our deepest values and aspirations, we care far less about the criticisms of others. If they can easily throw you off your path, you might want to reflect on how important it really is to you. Reflect on the significance of your endeavours and on how they resonate with your core values. Are your actions and ambitions consistent with your values?
Understand the critic’s motivation. Dig deep into why critics criticise. Are they projecting themselves in to the situation – their aspirations, their skill set, their propensity for risk, their values? Are they genuinely trying to protect you from any potential down-sides? Are they trying to maintain the status quo – for you, them, or both? Are they masking their own lack of action?
Recognise that criticism is not balanced appraisal. We have evolved to notice negative issues more readily than positive ones. We are more likely to notice criticism than encouragement: people working against us over people supporting us. Understand that most people are indifferent to your journey, and criticism often stems from their own biases and limitations. So, get on with your life and enjoy it!
Accept that criticism is inevitable. Whether you become a billionaire, movie star, teacher, doctor, or sit on the couch all day, there is someone that will tell you that you’re doing the wrong thing. So, live your life building towards what you do want rather than away from what the critics don’t want.
Respond calmly. Rather than giving your critics the pleasure of an emotional response, respond with composure and kindness. Acknowledge any valid points raised and the leaps of faith you are making.
Use your critics as motivation. While some people are intimidated and deflated by the critics of the world, others are able to use the negative comments as a source of motivation. Re-frame negative feedback into fuel for progress. Remind yourself that while the critics are standing on the sidelines, you are on the pitch and playing the game.
Decide if they have something useful to say. Some criticism may carry valid points – explore these with your critic and ask what their solution would be – the response differentiates between useful and harmful dialogue. If the criticism isn’t useful, move on. Don’t you have more important things to do?
Take criticism as a compliment. Most people will leave you alone if you’re struggling or aren’t doing anything noteworthy. You only become a significant target of negative comments if you’re doing well. If you’re taking a lot of heat, you must be doing something correct!
Live authentically. Live your own life, by your own values. Craft your life to use your signature strengths to create meaning for you, value for others and legacy for the future in your chosen pursuit.

It was the start of a new year, and with that Seouls 4 major school saw a large increase of new students. Everyone was talking about the gang who used to rule over Seoul suddenly disappearing, and nobody was taking ownership of it. (read the Extra info at the bottom, it will help a lot, and it'll explain how things work for new people)
---------------------------North Seoul High--------------------------- A tall, blonde, guy was making jokes with a few of his classmates, most of them where about the Soviet union and WW2. Ivan Alexander (u/Away_excitement3116)
In the corner of class a tall, silver haired boy was training without his shirt on, a few watched while some tried to look away from his muscular build. Klein (u/ProfessionalLuck268)
Simply sitting at his desk doing his schoolwork was one boy, most would says he's normal. But then again, being to only normal guy makes you kind of special. Yuseong (u/Outer-god369)
A tall black dude was talking with his friend, trying to improve his language skills as h had only recently come to Korea. His shirt hiding his very muscular build. (u/TheGloryBe_throwaway)
There was a large group of students talking, making jokes, laughingand just having a good time, in the center of attention was the short curly haired- Ren Yuzaki (u/LeoIsAngry)
There was a boy sleeping on his desk, standing next to him was another boy dressed just like a body guard. He would scare off anyone who got close. The boy sleeping was Kai Edward Tristan (u/KaiAugustInsi)
Some skinny guy was watching the popular newtube channel (How To Fight), he was inspired by Hobin due to the fact they both got bullied a lot. He now wats to be just like him. Kim Suho (u/federal_tip9311)
--------------------------South Seoul High----------------------------
The class watched as an boy with Orange hair, and black leather gloves was polishing his newest Trophy. It's seemed like that was the only thing interesting him at all. Dexter (u/Greensvenner1234)
A short and skinny boy is playing with his Lego bricks. While most see it as immature he's doing it to get a better understanding on a buildings stability and weak points. As he loves working on construction sites. Seok Mujuk (u/domengoenfuego)
Sitting in some expensive designer clothes, was a boy who normally couldn't afford it. But after beating up some bullies who harrased others, and then them offering him their money he gladly took it. Kai Wang (u/wesjsndsjsnss)
"Come and hit me!" a Dude screamed while his Classmates punched and kicked him, yet he was still standing as if nothing had happened at all to him. Lam Lee (u/Dull-tax-4713)
Sitting away from all the noice, enjoying his favorite manga was Kim Jin (u/random_guy_Q)
Amongst the people who tried to punch Lam Lee was one boy who actually manged to hurt him a bit, he didn't notice was Lam was hiding it but his attacks where effective. Adam (u/Theman2326)
---------------------------East Seoul High------------------------------ A boy with gum in his hair was playing games on multiple phones, yet he obviously didn't enjoy it. That's because he was forced to farm stuff for bullies. Su-Jin Park (u/RainProfessional8105)
People stared as there was some guy who brought a few stray cats and dogs with him to class. Some people enjoyed the animals, others saw it as weird. Zanegs (u/Warrenchae)
Some nerds ran up to an average sized boy with white hair, calling him sir and giving him some money, he told them that they are safe as long as the money keeps flowing Hyuk Hwang (u/Rutsch3r)
There was someone silently talking to himself, but not silent enough. Other people could hear h but they didn't understand what he was saying. Myul (u/Longjumping-date-367)
He was not a student of this school, yet he would still come here everyday. He fought someone drunk dude from this school who he now follows around. Ran Yong-Su (u/Any-Lingonberry-3589)
Some drunk dude, he got I trouble a lot for drinking while on school grounds. Beat up some guy once while drunk, who's now following him around. Chao Ming (u/Even-Caramel-9309)
Staying way from other, watching movies about martial arts while simultaneously reading a martial arts magazine was Forgettable (u/Forgettabletiger)
--------------------------West Seoul High-----------------------------
A football (it's called football not soccer) just ended in a 30-0 win. His teammates where all gathered around him praising him for his amazing shots and dribbling. Hyoma Kurona (u/Fungiloo)
Skipping school so he could work in his parents teashop, was a boy who was fascinated by his Chinese roots. Vincent Lee (u/Base_loose)
A boy was going around with a group of scary looking guys. He would try to beat up people and then have them join him. He war cruel to them yet made them yet on rare occasions asked if they are hurt. Jintaro Suzuki (u/SlashDaOne)
Talking to his teacher as if they where best friends was one boy who didn't care about social rankings and as everyone as a friend. Hae Minsu (u/Real_Abrocoma_9377)
After unsuccessfully flirting with a few girls, this boy decided that training his body again was the best way to get their attention. Jin Na (u/Causality_A)
This boy gets along with many people, yet he gets nervous when you ask him about his glove and weirdly large pinky fingers. Ryuk Eun-Soo (u/Elegant-Ad-2431)
---------------------------------Extra Info----------------------------------
Here are a few rules and things you should keep in mind.

1. How does anything work? Just make a comment saying what your characters is doing or what he wants to do. I will respond with a scenario. Onec your scenario is finished I'll tell you, you can act again in the next part.

If you fight another OC, it will be put into the next part as these are special fights.

1. You're allowed to do anything, you want as long as ng as it's in character.
   
2. You can be permanently crippled, lose limbs and die.
   
3. Random encounters are a thing. They have different rarities, common ones are like you meeting some thugs, while more rare encounters could result in you meeting people like Gun.
   
4. After an successful encounter you're rewarded with all kinds of thing, stat buffs, special items, Uniqe Abilities. The more rare the encounter is, the better the rewards. You can also fail the encounter.
   
5. Stats are important even outside of fighting. You can raise every single stat by training or from rewards.
   

Strength: how strong your hits are, how much you can lift/Carry around. And other physical tasks. Speed: how fast you attack, move and think. Potential: is basically how fast you grow from training, Someone with higher potential will gain more than someone with low potential from the same amount of training. Intelligence: your battle IQ as well as your overall IQ. If your int is low your plans will almost always fail even if your plan is really good and detaild. And someone with high int will almost always be successful even if their plan is bad. Endurance: Your Defense, and how much energy you have.
Stats are also hidden, this is so you have to be careful around every person you don't know. High Intelligence character might find out your stats. And some cards also let you view stats.

1. If you want to do something in secret DM me. This way only you and I will know about it. This could be a betrayal or maybe a secret plan.

7.1 Fight other OCs is something risky, the winner can decide what to do with you. They can to the things mentioned in (2) but they can also try to recruit you.
7.2 Beating an OC will give Special rewards. So it's encouraged by keep in mind that you can suffer a lot if you fail.
If you don't remember something about your OC just DM me

I had a strange relationship with deconstruction as my dad was trained at a university level to do apologetics. He was an LDS chaplain in the Army, and every night for scripture study, we got discourses on the nuances of our faith and justifications for every question we ever had. I didn’t swear until I was 18 years old, or drink caffinated anything until about that time as well, because it was never a matter of justification. It was what my family, my tribe, my people did, to go to church on Sunday, and to be worthy. I was senior patrol leader and assistant to the bishop if that clarifies who I was. I didn’t have “God will reveal it in due time” parents. I had “Here’s the answer, here’s contemporary discussion about it. Here’s some reading material if you want to learn more” parents, except for they were wicked smart, and had biased conclusions.
I was called to serve in the Mexico City East mission. Shortly before opening my mission call, I broke up with my girlfriend at the time. i left BYU-I and went home to prepare. I received my endowments after lying to my stake president about my worthiness to enter the house of the lord. I came clean, and he threatened to not let me go out for a year because I was unclean. The prick made me talk to a therapist to be cleared for the mission field. The therapist had a brain and let me go out. When I was giving my mission farewell speech, I wrote it to include the teachings of many religions in it. I had drawn inspiration from the 13th article of faith “We believe all things, hope all things-“ and wrote a poem about how Adam and Eve related to the Resurection and Atonement of christ. My dad tells me the stake president was shifting in his seat like he wanted to pull me down from the pulpit. Prick.
The CCM was a pleasure to attend because of my district. The guys in my district there held a secret thanksgiving feast after hours when we were supposed to be in bed with food we had smuggled out of the cafeteria. We had look outs so we wouldn’t be caught by the patrolling teachers. My district was placed under surveillance because of politics against our spanish teacher who we could tell actually cared about us, and we were transferred into a classroom with one sided mirrors, and microphones hanging from the ceiling. An apostle came to speak to the entire CCM, and I thought we would get a chance to meet with him directly, or that he would be even remotely accessible in some way. He was kept away from us, separate and removed even though we had the same mission. I played a lot of volley ball, and got into shape enough that I touched the rim of a basketball hoop for the first time while I was there.
My first companion was a native speaker, and liked to spend the mornings in the cyber (Internet Cafe). He would make sure I was on LDS.org while he looked at softcore porn on instagram. We would spend hours there, and I was disappointed that this was the mission.
We went to a previous investigators house, and while there, we saw preparations for an animal sacrifice. These guys were putting alcohol, cocaine, and blowing smoke onto a white chicken, and placed in into a cardboard box with a bunch of black chickens. They showed us a room full of weapons, with blood and feathers strewn all over the floor. We noped the fuck out, and went home.
I requested an emergency transfer after spending most days in the cyber, watching my companion deface JW’s property, and being an all around dick to me by telling me how to shower and how to sleep.
For his replacement, the person that would help me with his bastion of knowledge, they gave me a white guy who spoke as much Spanish as I did because he was only a transfer further into his mission than me. They made this poor kid senior companion to me before his first transfer was over. Why? Because the kid was a workaholic.
The first thing this elder and I did when we got to our apartment was to pick up and leave to go to the house of a member who had just died. We sang at the wake. I sang in a language I didn’t know, for people I didn’t know, with a companion I didn’t know. We sounded pretty damn good. The elder began setting appointments with the non-believing family members during the service. I just sat and watched the mindless kids chase the family dog.
This elder skipped lunch every day, and made me do the same. We knocked every door in our area twice that transfer. One time, he got very sick, and was delirious out in the sun with me while we were walking. I made us go home for lunch that day, and he made me promise to wake him up after thirty minutes so we could get back to the Lord’s work. Three hours later he woke up, chewed me out for letting him sleep that long, and then begrudgingly thanked me for making him rest.
One time, while walking, this Elder expressed to me that he also had some questions, but he was afraid to share the details because he knew my own testimony was fragile. I pressed him for details of his plight, and he revealed to me the darkest part of church history that he had learned while we were in the CCM, that Joseph Smith had drank alcohol while in Carthage Jail before he died. Thoughts of Fanny Alger, of Mountain Meadows Massacre, and of my own mother’s rather recently implemented looser interpretation of the word of wisdom all flashed through my head. This guy was supposed to be my teacher? All I could do was express how sorry I was for his confusion, and told him to have faith. Heaven knew I couldn’t help him.
One night with this companion, it was storming hard, and the streets were flooded. This guy refused to let us go home. We climbed along fences to avoid getting our already wet shoes soaked, and waded through a foot of water to get to the doors that were slammed in our faces. There was a loose wire on a door bell, and when I rang it, I was shocked by the completed circuit the water made. Rejection after rejection piled up. Finally, my “senior” companion said that this was the last row of houses. On the last house of the last row, there was a family that was all deaf. The father opened the door, and was suprised to see us and didn’t know who we were. I remembered the sign for Jesus from my grandparents who started and ran the ASL endowment ceremony in the Saint George temple. The family was thrilled we knew the sign. When I asked if we could come in, the family politely waved goodbye and closed the door on our faces.
Another time when it rained, something fell into my eye. It was one of those freak nature accidents, and small enough that I couldn’t figure out how to get it out without a mirror. The thing stayed wedged in the corner of my eye for hours before we got home and I could finally get the foreign object out. Looking at it on my finger, I could see it was a small green spider. Days later, still in pain, I pulled what I can only assume was accumulated webbing from the spider that I’d crushed against my eyeball off of my lower eye lid. The pain stopped after that.
I bought a $500 camera. It was stolen within a month.
This Elder and I had the good luck before transfers to baptize two children. They would have been baptized anyways, so I didn’t do any actual converting, but I taught a few lessons, got in the water and did the dunk. Bucket list item, check.
I didn’t have enough time for laundry on P-Day, so I’d wash my outfit and dry in on the radiator through the night. Transfers happen, and my new companion lied to our land lords about the electricity bill, paying it in full but not giving a reason as to why it was so high. I didn’t care anymore, I just needed something clean to wear, but these land lord had treated me and my previous companion well, better than the previous landlord who had stolen our cleaning supplies. I felt these people deserved honesty. My senior companion capitulated eventually, and he and I butted heads regularly after that on the morality of things. I think in hindsight he was a smarter and better man than I was.
The new land lords, the “Lagunez Family”, were wonderful. They included us in their activities, and I felt like I had some people in my corner. When I eventually came home from my mission, a daughter of the family had written me a goodbye letter. She is currently serving a mission. They made some great music, and I have “Infiltradors” on CD, the official name of the band the father of the family was a part of (he was the drummer).
I knew the whole area by heart by that point, so I navigated us to our appointments. Half of the landmarks I watched for to know our location were interesting buildings with unique colors. The other half of my landmarks were dead dogs whose decaying corpses had become second nature to see. I began marking how much time had passed by how deeply a certain dog on a certain dirt path’s chest was caved in.
There was an apartment complex in my area that I had been told not to proselytize in because “It’s dangerous.” Turns out, those people didn’t have any money, so the church didn’t want them. That complex was past the dog and to the east about ten blocks.
My companion and I knocked on a door, and visited a man who was missing his legs. His daughter was there, putting dirty water on the aching wounds. He had a single room for a house, and wheezed when he spoke. He couldn’t afford medication. He still went out and worked all day for his daughter, and gave her whatever money he made, trusting her to keep him alive somehow. The church expected this man to pay tithing. The church expected me to tell this man to pay tithing.
I got the chance to hike up a mountain. At the top, I played chess with a chess set I’d procured from one of the best rapid chess players I’ve ever met. He had been the ward mission leader. He was a good man, a good father, and I wish him the best.
I found another man who was deaf and spoke sign language. I sat with him, and convinced him to come to church all by myself while my companion talked with some tienda tender. I was so excited because this was my own personal project and it was going well. The man came to church, and I sat with him through sacrament meeting. In Sunday school (I can’t believe I did this), I accidentally drooled on the guy. I was just talking so he could read my lips, and I guess I forgot to swallow at some point because a dolup of spit landed on his arm. I apologized profusely, and he played it off, but I never saw that investigator again.
My companion and I knocked a door one day, and a man answered. He wore tattered clothes, and maggots were burrowing into and out of his feet. He muttered something about the stars, missing his wife, and he began to tear up. My eyes stung from the stench. The door closed. Somehow, I knew the man would be dead in a matter of weeks.
I had lost hope that I was doing anything worth while. I looked down on the Doc Martins that had stayed with me five months at this point. I was angry with myself for being so useless in the field, angry with the church for giving me leaders that didn’t listen to my needs or perspective, angry with my mom for drinking while I had to teach people that it was a sin, angry with my dad for giving me the skills and knowledge to justify anything, even pedophilia in the early days of the church, to the point where I could look someone in the eye, and knowing the kind of man Smith was, tell them he was a good man and a true prophet of God. Suddenly a man approached us. He said he recognized us as missionaries, and asked about our message. This never happened. People didn’t just come up to us unless they were crazy or dangerous. But this was a public place, and this guy was genuine. My companion talked to him, and gathered his story, but I was plotting something else. I was done with not caring about these people in a way that mattered. I was tired of walking in another man’s shoes, a man who wasn’t me, who believed different things than me. The chopped leg, the rotting dogs, the infested feet, it all swirled into a single thought in that moment.
What would Jesus do?
I walked over to the man, and in broken Spanish asked him to stand next to me. He did so, and I compared my shoe size to his foot. It was a perfect match. He protested, but I didn’t let him get a word in edge wise. I took off my shoes, put them on his dirty feet, and laced them up nice and tight. Those shoes had cost a ton, and had been meant to last the whole mission. All I had left at this point were my fancy dress shoes that gave my blisters back at the apartment. I didn’t care. I walked home in my socks that day, happy as a lark.
Covid-19 hit a month later. I was one of the few they brought home instead of quarantining. After having served only 6 months. I told God if he wanted me to stay home, he’d have to make them release me.
They released me. I think I was one of maybe a hundred missionaries that were released due to Covid. The church realized their mistake pretty soon after I was released. Once Covid infrastructure began to develop, they didn’t release any more. I guess I didn’t serve a full two years, but I did serve a full mission.
My brother served, and he nearly killed himself due to intense depression brought on by Covid quarantine and poor leadership (I’ve got a few mission president stories, but those are for another time).
I learned lying to someone’s face from my mission, and spent the rest of my time at BYU-I as “nuanced” until the last two years, over which the most epic hoe phase imaginable became my new mission. I spent those years terrified of getting a call from the honor code office.
I’m married now, with my degree irrevocably in my possession. I have friends and loved ones that are in the church and are working on their mission papers. I’m beginning to feel powerless again. I’m seeing the decay again, not on legs, feet, or dogs anymore, but in the souls of the people who the church raises to do their dirty volunteer work. I see them like the animal sacrifices I saw being prepared. I’m not sure what shoes I have left to give to those people that I know are going to be in pain.
My parents are out completely now. It was a long time coming, but they are out and so much happier. I’m working on building a new relationship with my family, one based off of the fact that we won’t be together forever, so we have to make the most of our time together now.
Happy Sunday guys, best of luck to you all. And most importantly, chupa la piña.

It was the start of a new year, and with that Seouls 4 major school saw a large increase of new students. Everyone was talking about the gang who used to rule over Seoul suddenly disappearing, and nobody was taking ownership of it. (read the Extra info at the bottom, it will help a lot, and it'll explain how things work for new people)
---------------------------North Seoul High--------------------------- A tall, blonde, guy was making jokes with a few of his classmates, most of them where about the Soviet union and WW2. Ivan Alexander (u/Away_excitement3116)
In the corner of class a tall, silver haired boy was training without his shirt on, a few watched while some tried to look away from his muscular build. Klein (u/ProfessionalLuck268)
Simply sitting at his desk doing his schoolwork was one boy, most would says he's normal. But then again, being to only normal guy makes you kind of special. Yuseong (u/Outer-god369)
A tall black dude was talking with his friend, trying to improve his language skills as h had only recently come to Korea. His shirt hiding his very muscular build. (u/TheGloryBe_throwaway)
There was a large group of students talking, making jokes, laughingand just having a good time, in the center of attention was the short curly haired- Ren Yuzaki (u/LeoIsAngry)
There was a boy sleeping on his desk, standing next to him was another boy dressed just like a body guard. He would scare off anyone who got close. The boy sleeping was Kai Edward Tristan (u/KaiAugustInsi)
Some skinny guy was watching the popular newtube channel (How To Fight), he was inspired by Hobin due to the fact they both got bullied a lot. He now wats to be just like him. Kim Suho (u/federal_tip9311)
--------------------------South Seoul High----------------------------
The class watched as an boy with Orange hair, and black leather gloves was polishing his newest Trophy. It's seemed like that was the only thing interesting him at all. Dexter (u/Greensvenner1234)
A short and skinny boy is playing with his Lego bricks. While most see it as immature he's doing it to get a better understanding on a buildings stability and weak points. As he loves working on construction sites. Seok Mujuk (u/domengoenfuego)
Sitting in some expensive designer clothes, was a boy who normally couldn't afford it. But after beating up some bullies who harrased others, and then them offering him their money he gladly took it. Kai Wang (u/wesjsndsjsnss)
"Come and hit me!" a Dude screamed while his Classmates punched and kicked him, yet he was still standing as if nothing had happened at all to him. Lam Lee (u/Dull-tax-4713)
Sitting away from all the noice, enjoying his favorite manga was Kim Jin (u/random_guy_Q)
Amongst the people who tried to punch Lam Lee was one boy who actually manged to hurt him a bit, he didn't notice was Lam was hiding it but his attacks where effective. Adam (u/Theman2326)
---------------------------East Seoul High------------------------------ A boy with gum in his hair was playing games on multiple phones, yet he obviously didn't enjoy it. That's because he was forced to farm stuff for bullies. Su-Jin Park (u/RainProfessional8105)
People stared as there was some guy who brought a few stray cats and dogs with him to class. Some people enjoyed the animals, others saw it as weird. Zanegs (u/Warrenchae)
Some nerds ran up to an average sized boy with white hair, calling him sir and giving him some money, he told them that they are safe as long as the money keeps flowing Hyuk Hwang (u/Rutsch3r)
There was someone silently talking to himself, but not silent enough. Other people could hear h but they didn't understand what he was saying. Myul (u/Longjumping-date-367)
He was not a student of this school, yet he would still come here everyday. He fought someone drunk dude from this school who he now follows around. Ran Yong-Su (u/Any-Lingonberry-3589)
Some drunk dude, he got I trouble a lot for drinking while on school grounds. Beat up some guy once while drunk, who's now following him around. Chao Ming (u/Even-Caramel-9309)
Staying way from other, watching movies about martial arts while simultaneously reading a martial arts magazine was Forgettable (u/Forgettabletiger)
--------------------------West Seoul High-----------------------------
A football (it's called football not soccer) just ended in a 30-0 win. His teammates where all gathered around him praising him for his amazing shots and dribbling. Hyoma Kurona (u/Fungiloo)
Skipping school so he could work in his parents teashop, was a boy who was fascinated by his Chinese roots. Vincent Lee (u/Base_loose)
A boy was going around with a group of scary looking guys. He would try to beat up people and then have them join him. He war cruel to them yet made them yet on rare occasions asked if they are hurt. Jintaro Suzuki (u/SlashDaOne)
Talking to his teacher as if they where best friends was one boy who didn't care about social rankings and as everyone as a friend. Hae Minsu (u/Real_Abrocoma_9377)
After unsuccessfully flirting with a few girls, this boy decided that training his body again was the best way to get their attention. Jin Na (u/Causality_A)
This boy gets along with many people, yet he gets nervous when you ask him about his glove and weirdly large pinky fingers. Ryuk Eun-Soo (u/Elegant-Ad-2431)
---------------------------------Extra Info----------------------------------
Here are a few rules and things you should keep in mind.

1. How does anything work? Just make a comment saying what your characters is doing or what he wants to do. I will respond with a scenario. Onec your scenario is finished I'll tell you, you can act again in the next part.

If you fight another OC, it will be put into the next part as these are special fights.

1. You're allowed to do anything, you want as long as ng as it's in character.
   
2. You can be permanently crippled, lose limbs and die.
   
3. Random encounters are a thing. They have different rarities, common ones are like you meeting some thugs, while more rare encounters could result in you meeting people like Gun.
   
4. After an successful encounter you're rewarded with all kinds of thing, stat buffs, special items, Uniqe Abilities. The more rare the encounter is, the better the rewards. You can also fail the encounter.
   
5. Stats are important even outside of fighting. You can raise every single stat by training or from rewards.
   

Strength: how strong your hits are, how much you can lift/Carry around. And other physical tasks. Speed: how fast you attack, move and think. Potential: is basically how fast you grow from training, Someone with higher potential will gain more than someone with low potential from the same amount of training. Intelligence: your battle IQ as well as your overall IQ. If your int is low your plans will almost always fail even if your plan is really good and detaild. And someone with high int will almost always be successful even if their plan is bad. Endurance: Your Defense, and how much energy you have.
Stats are also hidden, this is so you have to be careful around every person you don't know. High Intelligence character might find out your stats. And some cards also let you view stats.

1. If you want to do something in secret DM me. This way only you and I will know about it. This could be a betrayal or maybe a secret plan.

7.1 Fight other OCs is something risky, the winner can decide what to do with you. They can to the things mentioned in (2) but they can also try to recruit you.
7.2 Beating an OC will give Special rewards. So it's encouraged by keep in mind that you can suffer a lot if you fail.
If you don't remember something about your OC just DM me