Age: nearly 6 months
Sex: Female/ not neutered
Breed: full black german shephard
Body weight: 18kg
Location: palestine / West Bank
Vaccination: https://files.fmjgye758zyk each 15 days apart
Symptoms:
-uncontrollable movements like seizures for about 10 hours -aggressiveness and irritation -red eyes -loss of appetite -bleeding wont stop after she chewed her own tongue and cut her paws -lung infection -poo was black but that could be because of the medication
How she was on her 4th day of medication vs the 5th:
https://files.fmfrjkvjv87b
https://files.fmpwmyprmwyn
Medication she was on this week and test results:
https://files.fmgqbxgqu6v7
My dog passed away this morning and the past week has been torturous on her. Today is friday and it all began exactly a week ago. I take her out every friday morning with a bunch of my friends and their dogs (all completely healthy and much older). She seemed fine that day, then saturday i noticed that she lost her appetite, eating nothing at all but still drinking water, and her bites became significantly stronger overnight with almost no control over her power. This kept going so the next day i took her to the vet. It was nothing severe so he gave her some medication as shown in the links. The next day she got worse and wont even drink water, he diagnosed her with a lung infection and said she most likely has a virus. We gave her some medicine to treat those problems but she never got better. So tuesday we started feeding her glucose through the veins throughout the day. Her breathing got so much worse and she had no energy to walk. We took a blood test and ran it through the cbc machine confirming its a virus, but was negative for all the viruses we tested for. Due to the countrys situation we couldnt get a chemistry test in time so we took her to the best vet in town. He said her lung situation is dire and that her lungs are barely functioning with most of it being stiff due to the infection. Bs as the day goes on he noticed signs that implicated neurological problems like extreme stress, aggression, and fear. Her eyes were also red with normal temperature and no fever. She slept wednesday night with me in the house so she stays warm. She got 0 sleep and couldnt walk around in a straight line anymore. She gets 2 minutes of sleep then wakes herself up because of how much she moves around in her sleep. But with all of this i could still sense that she was the same dog i knew. The next morning i took her to the vet and she completely changed, would barely let me hold on to her and even pet her. We gave her a pill (azymix) for the lung infection so she breaths better. A few hours go by and the nightmare starts. Uncontrollable movements as if shes seizing constantly for hours, harming herself to the point that all her nails were bleeding(not sure how since non of them were broken) and the bleeding wouldnt stop even after giving her the required medicine to slow down bleeding, and also chewing her own tongue out. The movement involved every body part of her, and her only way of moving around was to spin in circles and falling. The bleeding never stopped and we sedated her so she would stop freaking out. An hour later she was back to seizing and hurting herself. I put her in her house and padded up the walls so she doesnt hurt herself, this was at 2 am, i slept and came back at 6am and she was stiff. We were supposed to take her to israel this morning but we couldnt make it in time. I will attach videos of how she acted and list the symptoms she had.

Here is one for you all and its a long one. 44M here, been with my significant other for ~20 years, married for 11 years. At this point I don't feel like we are going to make it much longer. I don't think she wants to be with me anymore but needs me for financial support so she is trying to string me along.
Background:
I want to say right off that I know I am not perfect, have never pretended to be nor have I overlooked my shortcomings and have done everything I can to address and deal with my issues.At first things were good. We did things together, went out, hung out with friends together, bowled leagues together, had a lot of fun. We also had a good, sex life. We were having cuddling times, regular sex, great foreplay, she was pretty open to positions and trying things.
When we first got together she was working miscellaneous retail jobs. She had a 4 year college degree at this point as well but never even tried to find a job utilizing it. I was fine with her working whatever made her happy. I work in IT/Tech. I have always been the higher earner, making almost double her salary up until a couple years ago. I never once said anything about this, never gave her crap for making less or the job she worked. I only encouraged her to find a job she enjoyed. I went years, never saying anything that might hurt her, even when I was working 50-60+ hours of work in a tough field at a job I hated while she worked maybe 20-30 hours a week in a super easy job of her choosing. After about 10 years of us being together she finally decided to go back to school for computer science. To support her doing this we lived in a couple places and worked jobs I absolutely hated to make sure she could finish school without any pressure. Again, I never said anything to her about this, I did it so she could be happy. She ended up finishing and getting an extremely good paying tech job after a few years, around the time that I noticed the biggest changes about her. Prior to her latest job and changes, we were OK for a few years. We starting doing well together as we were both earning well and have no kids.
Start of problems:
After we were married for a few years she started changing. She stopped wanting to do things together, we went out less and less. Stopped watching shows and movies together, stopped gaming together. She started treating sex like a burden, made me feel bad for even trying to initiate it. She became more of a prude, stopped wanting to do almost anything sexual, stopped wanting cuddling/petting, lost almost all interest in foreplay that wasn't directly for her, she lost all interest in any type of intimacy, cuddling, foreplay, or really anything that isn't about her getting off.
I feel that I have been extremely patient over the years about all of this. She has some back issues (self inflicted, she was having soreness and pain but continued a workout regimen that was obviously not right and causing issues. I have tried to be understanding and accommodating since she had these issues. Sex was never really a big issue, even with the back problems we had a decent sex life until the last 5 or so years. She started wanting to do less and it really felt like she was just trying to get it over with (outside of when I was pleasuring her and getting her off. Once that was done it was like hurry up and finish.
More recently, last couple of years she has had 0 interest in sex or even anything physical. I mean I can barely kiss her, cant touch her at all without some excuse that it tickles or some other BS. No cuddling as she says I always pressure for sex, BS, I love foreplay and am happy with mutual getting off. I have mentioned the lack of intimacy, mentioning that is had been months since we did anything and it is always some excuse or a suggestion it may happen this weekend (going on 20+ " this weekend" without anything) . She has almost every excuse in the book as to why she doesn't want to without really having a good reason. She will blame her back bugging her but will then do a lot of work that is physically punishing, especially to someone with back issues and despite the fact that I said I would do it or try to help. I have also gotten several different things to help, wedge pillow to help with her back, tried it once and had some random complaint that I forget. She had mentioned trying a swing so she could have support in different positions. I found several options and she then made excuses about all of them, the primary one being support for the swing. I eventually called her on this being BS when the new house we got had a chain mount in one of the bedrooms ( looked like it was possibly for a heavy punching bag) that would be perfect for a swing and I tested it holding my full weight. I again mentioned getting a swing to make things better to only get additional excuses.
Further Issues:
We had always talked about wanting to move back to California and get a house there when we had the chance. We had also talked about houses we would like and things like that. When we started seriously talking about getting a house, she said she would check with work ahead of time about being able to move to another state as we had discussed, she did not. I don't think she even talked to her boss about it. She just refused to move outside of this state as she said her job required her to be her even though her boss lives in a completely different country.
When the time actually came to find and buy a house it did not work out the way I guess I had expected. Eventually, we purchased a house here after several fights as she decided she wanted a cheaper house to fix up. Not even considering the amount of work and money it would take to do so. One of her "options" was a run down ranch house that had a surprise renter (9 months left on a lease) in a very obviously water damaged basement. She picked out this house so she continued to try to justify buying it for about 100k over what it should be sold for. After about a week of looking at shitty houses and fighting she finally agreed to look at one of the houses I had chosen, the house we eventually purchased. It was a bit more but had almost all of our wants without the need to fix it up.
For the purchase, she provided the down payment from her inheritance and jointly financed the house. Once the purchase was finished and we moved in she changed, a lot. Things became more about what she wanted, she would mention things to me but completely ignore any input and just talk like what she wanted is what I chose too. Her dad then decided to visit and this was the largest wake up call I think I have had. I saw him doing all of the things that she does that annoy and frustrate me. I then realized that if I stay with her, dealing with this is my future. He took over the house and she treated me like an asshole for just wanting a bit of space that I could have to myself. She refused to deal with him or reign in his behavior. I think it was around this time that I realized that it felt like I didn't even have a home even though we just bought one, that I was just a wallet to help pay bills.
We ended up having a fight about this and I ended up leaving and staying at a hotel for a few days. This is where it got really eye opening as I considered this fight as something we would think about and get over. However, the first thing she did was talk to her friend and then reach out to divorce lawyers. She mentioned that she was talking to them about post nuptials to make sure she got the house and money. This was a signal to me, that she did not consider nor seem to appreciate all of the years that I spent working jobs I hated to supplement our income and cover for her while she went back to school. All it seemed she saw was that she got money now so the house and all of it was hers. She made a comment about how she felt the money, stocks, and house were hers. She added that she wanted a post nuptial to define this so I shouldn't be surprised if I get one to sign. Unsurprisingly, she never actually got this done, never mentioned it more so I am assuming she just got lazy and never followed up. One thing that stood out to me was that she mentioned that she could not afford the house by herself. She rambled off several things about us just being roommates and me continuing to pay for the house and bills. She came up with something about me paying and her giving me money back later or something, I ignored most of it as it was dumb, I.E. me leaving my checks going into our shared account and continuing to pay like I have been but doing so knowing she plans on keeping the house and that I might get some money later if she ever sold it. She also made a comment that I did a good job with the stocks so I should keep doing that for her and she would give me like a 1k in a few years. Since I started working with the portfolio and diversified the stocks I have made over 40k in gains for it so yeah I ignored this as I felt like it was insulting. This whole fight and conversation hit me hard, especially after 15+ years of me working hard, shitty jobs, to provide for us just to get slapped in the face by greed.
We ended up talking a bit after that fight after I ended up stopping by the house. She had mentioned previously about going to marriage counseling. I told her I didn't think it would help with our situation considering what the issues were but if she was willing to go and actually participate, I would be too. We ended up seeing a marriage counselor as she had suggested it previously and I wanted to try everything to make this work. I had previously mentioned that I didn't think it would work as she refuses to open up or discuss her issues with anyone and if she wont do that, it is a moot point. She said she would so we found a counselor and we went for a couple of months. During this time I was very open about my thoughts and feelings and gave the counselor details on my issues. She however, did not provide anything ahead of time, participate much, would not open up, and eventually said that we might as well not go as she didn't feel like we were gaining anything.
Turning Point:
I think the f*ck it point, straw that broke the camels back for me is that about a month ago, around 10 months or so since we had any kind of intimacy we had a fight. During the fight she admitted that she actually masturbates fairly regularly which really, really pissed me off as she knows the lack of sex and any kinds of intimacy was a big issue for me and was causing a lot of frustration. I was quiet about it as what I would have said would have started a big fight. I am now struggling because I cant really get over the fact that she shows me no interest, wont let me touch her, we haven't had sex in months and she admits to masturbating instead of having sex with me when she knows I am extremely sexually frustrated. To me, this shows her lack of caring about me and shows that she only really cares about herself and what she wants. This is furthered by conversations with her family I have overheard because she talks super loud on the phone and I guess she didn't realize I could hear her in the other room. This last conversation was essentially her talking about the money again and additional money she may get when her dad passes. She made the comment to them that in hindsight she would have made me sign a prenup as all of the money she has gotten and will get belongs to their family and she wants to keep it in their family. This was another moment when I was like what the hell, I am not your family?
I am torn, I have been with her for a long time, I do care for her, but she shows no interest in being with me. No interest in a relationship, doesn't want to do things together (she even said that if I want her do more things with me I have to do things she wants to do first), nothing for how I feel, what I want, no cuddling, no touching, nothing. It came down to the fact that she essentially wants a roommate that pays for her to have the house, help with chores, and helps take care of the dogs without expecting anything in return. She does not seem to get how she is, care how I feel, what I want, or really care about anything that does not benefit her.
I am at my breaking point, I have tried for years to give her everything and now as thanks, I get nothing from her. I am getting to old to keep wasting time in a loveless, sexless relationship but am also having a hard time walking away from a relationship I have been in for so long. After writing this out I am also realizing, well more wondering, what the f*ck I am doing as it seems pretty obvious I am bailing water out of a sinking boat.

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Factory New), B/O: $7194.77

★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2025.74

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★ M9 Bayonet Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $557.87

★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $529.41

★ M9 Bayonet Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $465.39

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★ Talon Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $1295.27

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Minimal Wear), B/O: $746.28

★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested), B/O: $688.15

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★ Flip Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $547.93

★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $476.69

★ Flip Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $278.18

★ Flip Knife Black Laminate (Well-Worn), B/O: $258.83

★ Flip Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $181.64

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★ Stiletto Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $686.04

★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $665.41

★ Stiletto Knife, B/O: $601.39

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $418.25

★ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $227.80

★ Stiletto Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.96

★ Stiletto Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $192.79

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★ Nomad Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $518.11

★ Nomad Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $169.78

★ Nomad Knife Forest DDPAT (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $166.88

★ StatTrak™ Nomad Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $335.79

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★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $442.05

★ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Minimal Wear), B/O: $426.24

★ Skeleton Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $314.03

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2361.28

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $376.53

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★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $557.12

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $471.42

★ Ursus Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $212.37

★ Ursus Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $187.66

★ Ursus Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $178.18

★ Ursus Knife Ultraviolet (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $155.13

★ Ursus Knife Boreal Forest (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.26

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★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Minimal Wear), B/O: $204.83

★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested), B/O: $184.50

★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Lore (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $224.11

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★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $2142.02

★ Bowie Knife, B/O: $230.44

★ Bowie Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $209.20

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.51

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03

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★ Falchion Knife Night (Field-Tested), B/O: $132.54

★ Falchion Knife Urban Masked (Well-Worn), B/O: $112.81

★ Falchion Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $108.81

★ Falchion Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.82

★ Falchion Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.46

★ StatTrak™ Falchion Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $143.08

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★ Paracord Knife Crimson Web (Minimal Wear), B/O: $486.48

★ Paracord Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $163.12

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★ Survival Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $138.26

★ Survival Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03

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★ Gut Knife Sapphire (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1127.79

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $286.17

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $246.55

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $240.77

★ Gut Knife, B/O: $210.49

★ Gut Knife Lore (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.22

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $151.51

★ Gut Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.94

★ Gut Knife Rust Coat (Well-Worn), B/O: $118.99

★ Gut Knife Boreal Forest (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.80

★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $237.96

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★ Shadow Daggers Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $264.92

★ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $253.03

★ Shadow Daggers Tiger Tooth (Factory New), B/O: $237.22

★ Shadow Daggers Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.40

★ Shadow Daggers Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $144.42

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $105.20

★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $150.46

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★ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $365.99

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $228.93

★ Navaja Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $227.43

★ Navaja Knife Slaughter (Factory New), B/O: $209.06

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $203.16

★ Navaja Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $132.57

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $121.69

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.95

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $100.41

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $369.01

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $109.95

GLOVES

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2394.67

★ Sport Gloves Omega (Well-Worn), B/O: $572.33

★ Sport Gloves Bronze Morph (Minimal Wear), B/O: $338.88

★ Sport Gloves Big Game (Field-Tested), B/O: $323.66

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★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1652.07

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested), B/O: $599.14

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Well-Worn), B/O: $231.57

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot (Minimal Wear), B/O: $126.21

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★ Moto Gloves POW! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $996.99

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Field-Tested), B/O: $383.31

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Well-Worn), B/O: $276.00

★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Field-Tested), B/O: $180.28

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★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $502.29

★ Hand Wraps Giraffe (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.73

★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $178.32

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★ Driver Gloves Queen Jaguar (Minimal Wear), B/O: $181.01

★ Driver Gloves Rezan the Red (Field-Tested), B/O: $101.66

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★ Broken Fang Gloves Jade (Field-Tested), B/O: $127.88

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.55

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★ Bloodhound Gloves Guerrilla (Minimal Wear), B/O: $127.94

★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened (Field-Tested), B/O: $102.55

WEAPONS

AK-47 X-Ray (Well-Worn), B/O: $478.95

AUG Hot Rod (Factory New), B/O: $425.83

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Hyper Beast (Factory New), B/O: $413.95

M4A4 Daybreak (Factory New), B/O: $309.51

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge (Factory New), B/O: $305.43

AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $196.38

StatTrak™ M4A4 Temukau (Minimal Wear), B/O: $174.64

P90 Run and Hide (Field-Tested), B/O: $167.03

AWP Asiimov (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.33

Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike (Minimal Wear), B/O: $140.00

M4A1-S Printstream (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.70

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Golden Coil (Field-Tested), B/O: $117.48

AWP Asiimov (Well-Worn), B/O: $115.97

StatTrak™ Desert Eagle Printstream (Minimal Wear), B/O: $112.96

StatTrak™ AK-47 Asiimov (Minimal Wear), B/O: $110.85

Souvenir M4A1-S Master Piece (Well-Worn), B/O: $102.42

AK-47 Bloodsport (Minimal Wear), B/O: $100.53

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Ramese's Reach, Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Apep's Curse, Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Mummy's Rot, Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Black Nile, Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Steel Delta, Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Waters of Nephthys, Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Eye of Horus, Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (ScaraB Rush, Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Sobek's Bite, Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Copper Coated, Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Paris 2023, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

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i (24F) had inner labia pain since early feb. had sex 2-3 days before it happened w my partner (25M) of two years. never had sexual history prior. i also have hypothyroid and on levothyroxine 50mcg.
symptoms were redness near vagina entrance on the left side, raw pain feeling/irritation all on the left especially inner labia. was treated with clotrimazole suppository twice on feb. took gonorrhea swab test. so, was also given doxycycline and metronidazole when waiting for gonorrhea test results. dr said i had yellow discharge while taking sample using speculum.
early march, still in pain. dr examined and saw “ulcers” “lesions” on the left inner labia. same area. its pitted small white in middle. dr gave acyclovir. then i tested negative hsv, syphilis, hiv, chlamydia, twice tested and both negative. (in a span of 2 months).
have yet to heal, i bought metronidazole and miconazole suppository myself at a pharmacy. of course it didnt help me…
then, results for gonorrhea came out, dr said i was positive then gave ceftriaxone injection and doxycycline again. but only for me to find out after finishing treatment that i actually am negative gonorrhea. only pus cell was seen.
by this time i was so tired mentally and in pain. i did all test i could. i tested ureaplasma, mycoplasma, trich, gonorrhea again and chlamydia. all negative.
then i did high vaginal swab to check for yeast and bv and strep. all not detected and my vagina flora is normal. this time is already end of april.
now i was referred to a derm. she gave me prednisolone and steroid gel. been using the g for 2 weeks now and taken pills for a week. i have 6 more days of pills to go. but i still have pain.
my right inner labia is pain internally, while the left inner labia still have “ulcers” “lesion” and red patch near vagina entrance it hurts. even clitoris hood is sensitive pain.
i also did a pap smear before i took prednisolone pills which is why i started on the steroid gel first and not yet finish the steroid pills. but my pap smear is normal.
im lost. dr told me it might be contact dermatitis and steroid takes a while to heal. but im scared. im hurting. im also afaird if its hsv despite two negative results. and i dont even have other outbreaks. no signs of healing of the ulcers or pain… anybody with similar experience?
right now dr gave me several possibilities which were contact dermatitis, autoimmune problem, vulvodynia, chronic candisisis, and hsv.
its been 4 months of this torture. idk what to do. i will be finishing my prednisolone. but idk if this is just a skin problem. also apologies if i mispelled anytthing. im no dr. i only wrote down what i remembered.

First/Previous
The travel took on a less gloomy quality in the day that passed since Gemma’s self-reflection and although there remained a queer distance in her eyes, she seemed in better spirits in losing the weight of the words.
It was a night just beyond Wabash Crevasse that we pushed on till sunset was almost upon us and we were each tired and the food stocks ran low and so we found harbor in a half collapsed cellar where a home once stood; it was only after examining the slatted, rotted boards of the old place, fallen over, tired with decay, that we spied the cellar doors intact; sheets of door metal plied us with safety from the outside world and the interior of the place stank of mold and the deeper recesses were collapsed, but there was a cradle to crossbar the stair hatch and I put my prybar there for the night. We finished the water and canned tomatoes, and I smoked a cigarette, staving off the inevitable doom which would come with the dwindling of our supplies.
I’d peeked through the space where the doors met at the cellar’s entry and watched the full darkness there while the youngins spoke of life and the trivial pursuits of it and I hardly said a word besides.
Sitting on the lowest step with Trouble dumbly maintaining her station by me, by the low glow of the space in the threshold, I saw they’d pushed their bedrolls together and Andrew had fallen asleep with his arm over Gemma’s shoulder and her eyes glowed with shine from the crack, blinked a few times while seeing me; she too eventually drifted to sleep, and I spent time by the secured door.
Gunshots rang across the stillness, and they stirred from their quiet slumber and Gemma asked, “Harlan, is it alright?”
I moved to the space there at the doorway again and listened and watched what I could through that crack and nothing beyond came. “It’s safe. I’ll be up a bit longer. I’ll watch.”
Andrew asked, “Can’t sleep?”
“I’ll sleep in a bit. Don’t worry about me. Rest. Sleep good and we can put more behind us.
They sat up, legs crossed triangle-wise, and Gemma spoke again, “Why do you have such a hard time sleeping? It seems I’m asleep after you and only awake after you too.”
“Yeah,” said Andrew.
“It’s cool at night. I can listen to the wind.” I shrugged.
“You should be the one that tries to get some sleep,” said Andrew.
I said nothing.
They reached out their arms and I shook my head.
“Here,” Gemma said, “Move your bedroll closer.” She reached across the dirt floor of the cellar and dragged my splayed roll so that it sat beside hers.
“I’ll sleep later.” I turned my attention back to the door and ignored them till their sounds of sleep could be heard. The Alukah was nowhere and did not tap on the door that night and when I moved to sleep, I shimmied onto the roll beside them, facing away on my shoulder; the dog followed, laid on the bare dirt beside me and I held the mutt.
Though I refused a noise as they stirred in the absolute darkness, I felt Gemma’s arm fall over my own shoulder and felt Andrew’s hand touch my back, and water traced the bridge of my nose and I slept deeply thereafter.
There was no breakfast without food, and the water was gone; I felt the eyes of the dog on us as we packed up our belongings that next morning and I tried not to imagine the poor animal skinned over fire. I smiled at Trouble, patted its head, scratched its chin; she sniffed my hand like she was looking for something that wouldn’t be found.
We went west again, ignoring roads and pushed through straight wasteland where nothing was and no one was, and with every dry footfall on the dry hard ground, I wished for rain, and I wished that when it had rained, as infrequent as it was, that I had been wise enough to save what we could from the sky; that sky was red and swollen and refused to burst. We pushed on through strange dead thickets where grayed and twisty yellow branches lurched from the ground into the sky like even they too wished for an end to all the suffering. It was days more till we would see Alexandria and though I could stave off hunger (thirst too, if necessary), I was not so certain that the children would be able to push on without it; they did not complain and watched the ground in our march and maintained higher spirits than I could’ve imagined from them.
Early in the day, they spoke often, and I listened and as they wore on, their words came less and even the dog seemed in a lower mood for the unsaid predicament; me too.
Gemma broke the silence on the matter by saying, “What are we going to do about food? Water?”
“We’ll push on.”
“We could turn back?” asked Andrew.
“The more time we spend out in the open, outside of a city, the more likely it is that the Alukah will catch us unawares. Tighten your belts.” Our feet took us around a dilapidated truck, an old thing with a rusty hook which dangled off a rear arm. “Save your urine.”
They made faces but did not protest.
“Does that work? You ever drink pee?” asked Andrew.
I laughed, “I thought we’d be there by now. I took us too long by trying to drop the scent of the Alukah. That thing’s hunted us for days—last night was the first time it ain’t bothered us. It’s got me wondering why.”
Gemma piped up, licking her dry lips before speaking, “Do you think that monster ran into those scavengers we saw?” Then I caught her shooting a look at Andrew, “At least we warned them.” Her smile was faint and almost indiscernible as one.
I shrugged. “Can’t say. Don’t think it’s smart to turn back. Won’t be long and we’ll touch the 40 and then it’ll be a straight on to Babylon—couple of days—can’t turn back though. Maybe without food; that’s doable. Water’s the worst, but if it comes to it,” I paused and looked on the weathered faces of the children, on the lowered head of Trouble which followed her nose across the ground (it searched just short of frantic), “Like I said, ‘save your urine’.”
The first pains of hunger held within me brought up some reminiscence and I wished for nothing more than to hold Suzanne; I could nearly smell them and in the swaying walk which took us on past toppled townships, I held long blinks where I could nearly make out their face and if I really pushed the limits of my imagination, I could feel them. In those moments, as we passed dead places, rotted pits of despair, I could think of little more than their presence. Though I knew it was a dangerous game, hoping for more than I was worth, I hoped for Suzanne then and I wished that I’d taken them up on their offer to travel to Alexandria with them; it could’ve been home—it never was in all the times I’d gone there, but who knows? The thoughts of Babylon brought forth their gardens; the wild gardens and the water which flowed freely through their pipes. I wished I was a different person entirely and that too would’ve been better for Suzanne; how it was that they’d seen anything in me, I don’t know. How it was that they could stoop to the level of being with someone like me—I warded off that thought, because to place the blame there would certainly be unfair. I thought of my love plainly and wanted a different life more suited to them.
Imaginations played more furiously, and I remembered the evening when Dave stopped me from leaping from that roof—it’s doubtful that he even realized that he’d slowed my demise; perhaps he did know—I wished then that I could ask him. Too kind for the world. People too kind for the world were scarce and hardly worth the trouble. Yet, there I was, chaperoning those two across the wastes.
Gemma was a broken person when I’d found her, tortured in Baphomet’s well; Andrew was a dullard boy who’d lost his hand. What a silly predicament.
I stopped in my movements and swiveled on my heel to catch Andrew by the shoulder. “You still got your hand, don’t you?”
In good humor, the boy grinned, lifted the nub on the end of his left forearm to show me, “Nope.”
“Dammit, no! The hand in the jar!”
Andrew raised his eyebrows. “In my pack.”
“Stop,” I commanded Trouble; the dog hardly recognized my words and continued a way then circled back, sad eyes looking up from where she took to sit by my side. Gemma, both arms dangling loosely from her own pack’s shoulder straps, took into the circle we’d formed.
The girl asked, “What about the jar? It’s nasty, but I guess it’s his.”
“I think that’s it,” I said. I took Andrew by his shoulders, looked him in his eyes, “We could use it!”
“What?” The boy almost laughed in the display of our concern. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“I think I’ve got it! It’s good for a trap.” I shook him; maybe too hard. I almost smiled. “It’s worth a shot!”
“It’s mine.” He bit his top lip, withdrew from me.
“You’ll feel differently about that,” I said.
Gemma placed a hand on Andrew’s pack and tried ripping it open. “Give it to him!” shouted the girl.
The boy whipped from her grasp, and he spun on his feet, and panic stood on his face. “It’s mine, isn’t it?”
I took a step forward, “No, not anymore.” I put out my palm, “Give it.”
Andrew nearly flinched at the thought of it and shook his head a little. “Why?”
“I told you why,” I said.
“You don’t even know if it’ll work, do you?” his words were long in protest.
The girl started again, “Andrew, please.”
He locked eyes with Gemma and once again, his bottom teeth came up to meet over his top lip and he moved his jaw methodically with contemplation.
“What does it even matter?” she asked.
“It’s mine. You don’t know what it’s like.”
“Don’t be ridiculous!”
“C’mon,” he said, but his pack straps fell from his shoulders, and he hunkered down on the ground and opened his bag; his right hand plunged into the recesses therein and withdrew the jar with his severed left hand. He held the object up, refusing to come up from his open pack, keeping his eyes on the ground. “Take it then.” He shook the jar; its contents sloshed with liquid decay.
I grabbed the thing, held it to skylight; the remains within had congealed and rotted and lumps nearly floated in the brownish liquid which had formed in the base of the container. I shook it and stared for a moment at the miniscule debris which floated alongside the hand; each of its digits had swollen and erupted to expose bone; some had come away in pieces. “Tomorrow,” I said and nodded.
We gathered ourselves and Andrew pulled his pack on again and we moved, Trouble still looked sorry and the boy remained quiet while the girl chattered on with questions while we took through the dying ground in a formation with the dog on point then me then the children.
“What will you do with it?” she asked me.
“Not sure yet.”
Andrew made a noise like he wanted to say something but didn’t.
“You think it will work?” asked Gemma.
“Nothing’s a guarantee. They’re smart—Alukah.”
“Smart enough to figure out a trap?”
I shrugged. “We’ll find out.”
“We could put stakes in a pit.”
“Keep on the lookout for a building. Something with multiple floors.”
With that, we moved on, found a worn, mostly destroyed road and we fell into a travelling quiet and the thought of hunger or thirst arose again, and I pushed it down—though I knew the uneasiness could only last so long before savagery would overtake the human condition; the kids seemed strong enough, but I kept an eye on the dog too. Savagery belonged not only to humans, after all.
The ground of the wastes was harder when it was quiet, and it was flatter further west. The sky—red and full of thin and transparent drifting clouds—seemed an awful sight when stared at for too long; it was the thing which stretched as if to signal there wasn’t an end in any direction, as if to declare we had much more to go till safety. Wanderlust is a thing that I believe I’ve felt before, but under that sky, with those two and the dog, I didn’t feel it at all. It was doom that I felt. Ignorance and doom. And it was all because I was certain I’d made all the wrong mistakes, and it was coming back to me. I was experienced. We should’ve had food and water. Perhaps there was some deep and nasty part inside of me that had intended to sacrifice them along the way. The words of the Alukah might have rung true: You say you make no deals, but I smell it. I think you’d deal.
Surely, I felt differently. Surely.
“Getting darker,” called Andrew as we came to where signposts—worn and bent and barely legible—told us of a place once called Annapolis and the buildings were nearly gone entirely; places, maybe places that were once homes, were leveled—I was briefly caught in imagining what it might’ve been like all those ages ago. As are most places, it was haunted like that and when we came to a long rectangular structure of metal walls—thin walls—we took it as a place for rest for the night.
It once served as an agricultural station, for when we breached its entry, there were a line of dead machines—three in all—cultivators or tillers which stood higher than any of our heads and Gemma asked what they were, and I told her I thought they were for farming. The great rusted bodies stood in quiet shadow as we came through a side passage of the building and the great doors which had once been used to release those machines from the building stood frozen in their frame. I approached the doors, lighting my lantern and motioning for the children to shut the door we’d entered through.
Upon closer inspection, it seemed the doors would roll into the ceiling and the chains which held the doors in place were each secured with rusted padlocks—I removed my prybar from my pack and moved along the wall of doors, giving each old lock a smack with the weapon; each one held in place, seemingly fused there through years of corrosion, and I rounded the cultivators once more, back to the children, near the side door where they’d discovered a rickety stair frame which crawled up the side of the wall to a catwalk; along the catwalk, a levitated box stood at the height of the structure, stilted by metal legs, and we took the stairs slowly with the dog following close behind; the poor mutt was mute save the sound of its own shuffling paws.
The metal stairs creaked under our weight and Gemma held her own lantern high over her head so that the strange shadows of the place grew longer, stranger, and suddenly I felt very sure that something was in the dark with us, but there was no noise except what we made. My eyes scanned the darkness, and I followed the children up the stairs till we met the overhang of the catwalk and I peered into the shadows, the blades of the cultivators—far extended on foldable arms—struck up through the pool of blackness beneath us and I felt so cold there and if it were not for the breath of my fellow travelers, I might have been lost in the dark for longer than intended—lost and frozen and contemplative.
“There’s a room,” said the boy, and he pushed ahead on the hanging passage, and he was the first to the door. “Boxes,” he said plainly.
Upon coming to the place where he stood, Gemma pushed her lantern over the threshold, and I saw what he’d meant as I traced my own lantern to help; the room was crammed with plastic totes and old metal containers of varied sizes. There seemed to be enough empty space to maneuver through the room, but only if one watched their feet while they walked. Carefully.
We moved to the room, and I found a stack of crates to place my lantern then motioned for Gemma to douse hers. In minutes, the place was rearranged so that we could sit comfortably on the floor; crates lined the walls precariously and we breathed heavy from the work done, but we began to unpack and upon watching the children while I rolled a cigarette, I felt a pang of guilt, a terrible summation—all choices in my life had led me here and with them and perhaps it would have been a better world for them without me.
Mentally shrugging this thought away, I lit my cigarette, inhaled deeply, and then withdrew the jar which Andrew had handed over. I held it to the lantern to examine it. The grotesqueness of it hardly phased me and I watched it more curious and hopeful than disgusted.
“I hope it’ll work,” said the boy, “Whatever it is that you plan on doing with it.” He grimaced and maintained a further silence in patting his bedding for fluff. The dog moved to him, and she pushed her forehead against him where he squatted on floor. The boy scratched Trouble’s chin and whispered, “Good girl,” into the top of her head where he’d pushed his own face.
“I’m hungry,” said Gemma; she placed her chin in her arm while watching Andrew with the dog. She sat on her own flat bed there on the floor and stated plainly the thing that I’d hoped to ignore for longer.
“I know.” I took another drag from the cigarette and let the smoke hang over my head. “The dog?”
Andrew recoiled, pulling Trouble closer into his arms.
I smiled. “It was a joke.”
Andrew relaxed, but only a moment before Gemma added, “Maybe.”
The boy narrowed his eyes in the girl’s direction, and she shrugged. “If it’s life or death.”
He didn’t say anything and merely continued stroking Trouble’s coat.
That night, we slept awfully and even in the complete darkness, I felt the cramp of the storage room and the angled shapes of the tools that protruded from the containers on all sides remained permanent well after we’d turned the light off and it felt like those shapes were the teeth of a great creature like we were sitting inside of its mouth, looking out.
Trouble positioned herself partially on my chest, her slow rhythmic breathing brought my thoughts calm and I whispered to her in the dark after I was sure the others were asleep, “I promise it was a joke.” And I brushed the back of her neck with my hand and the animal let go of a long sigh then continued that deep rhythmic breathing.
Still without food or water, the following day was the true indication of the misery to come. Gemma’s stomach growled audibly in waking and Andrew—though he kept his complaints to himself—smacked his lips more often or protruded the tongue in his mouth in a starvation for water. The room, in the daylight which peered through pinpricks of its half-decayed roof, seemed another beast altogether from its nighttime counterpart; it was not so frightening. Again, I admonished myself for the lack of preparation, but there was another thought that brought together a more cohesive feeling; we had a possible plan, a trap for the demon that’d been following us.
We went into the field to the west of the building where there was only dirt beneath our feet in the early sunlight and in the coolness of morning air, I nearly felt like a person. The sun crested the horizon and brought with it a warmth that would quickly become overwhelming—in those few minutes though—it felt good enough. I wished for the shy dew and saw none. The weirdness of holding Andrew’s rotting hand in a jar momentarily caught me and I almost laughed, but refrained and the dog and the children looked on while I held the container up and suddenly, seeing the congealed mass of tissue floating in its own excretions, I was overcome with the urge to run, the urge that nothing would ever be right again in my life, and that I was marked to be that way.
I blinked and tossed the jar to Andrew. “Say goodbye,” I said. He fumbled after it with his right hand and caught it to his chest.
“It’s strange you care so much anyway,” said Gemma, shrugging—her eyes forgave a millisecond of pity and when Andrew looked at her, still holding the jar in his right hand, she smiled and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her pants.
“We’ve enough oil, I think,” my voice was raspy from it being early, “Enough for good fire, but if we use it, it’ll mean a few more dark nights on our way.”
“We’re going to set it on fire?” Andrew pondered, keeping his eyes to the contents of the jar. “It worked good enough last time. It’ll work,” I nodded, “I has to, doesn’t it?”
His dry lips creased into a brief smile, and he tossed the jar back to me and I caught it.
“Let’s dig,” I said.
Without much in the way of proper tools, we began at the ground under us with our hands, then taking turns with my prybar till there was a hole in the ground comfortably large enough to conceal a human head and I uncapped the jar and spilled it contents there and we covered it back and I lightly tamped it with my boot. My eyes scanned the outbuilding we’d taken refuge in the night prior and then to the street to the north then to the houses which stood as merely rotted plots of foundation with frames that struck from the ground more as markers than support. “I’ll take up over there across the street when it gets dark. I want you two in that storage room before anything goes off.”
“We can’t help?” asked Gemma.
“You can help by staying out of the way—the mutt too,” I said; the words were harsh, but my feelings were from worry.
“Wouldn’t it be better if we stuck together?” asked the girl.
I shook my head. “You stay in the room and keep quiet. No matter what you hear, you stay quiet and safe.”
“That’ll put you at a bigger risk,” Gemma furrowed her brow at me and shifted around to look out on the houses across the street, “There’s hardly any cover over there.”
The boy nodded, smacked his lips, and rubbed his forearm across his mouth then audibly agreed with her.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said, “No matter what you hear happening outside, no matter, you don’t open the door and you don’t scream—don’t make a noise at all. Alright? Even if you hear me calling you, you don’t do it.”
“Pfft,” Gemma crossed her arms and kicked her foot against the ground. The way her eyes seemed hollowed with bruising showed that the irritation would only grow without food. “Alright,” she finally sighed.
Andrew looked much the same as she did in that; he swallowed a dry swallow then stuffed his hand into his pocket and looked away when our eyes matched.
We gathered our light oil. Altogether, it seemed enough; rummaging through the room of the outbuilding we’d earlier taken refuge within, we managed three intact glass containers—the only ones found that wouldn’t leak with liquid; two were bottles and the third was the jar that’d once kept Andrew’s hand. With that work done, we sat with three Molotov cocktails within our huddled circle of the storage room.
“Is it enough?” asked Gemma.
“We’ll see,” I began rolling a cigarette to ignore the hunger and the thirst.
Andrew took to the corner and glanced over his shoulder only a moment before a steady liquid stream could be heard and when he rotated from the wall once the noise was finished and he held a canteen up to his nose, sniffed it and quivered and shook his head.
As the sun pushed on, I scanned the perimeter outside, and they followed. Far south I spied a mass of shadow inching across the horizon and Gemma commented, “What’s that?”
I pushed the binoculars to her and let her gaze through them.
“A fiend—that’s what we called it back in the day anyway. A mutant.”
She held the binoculars up and frowned. “A mutant? So, it was once human?”
“A fiend was once many humans.” I pointed out to the horizon though she couldn’t see me doing so and continued, “If you look at the edges of its shape, you’ll see it’s got limbs galore on it. Sticking up like hairs is what it’ll look like at this distance. Those are arms and legs. It’s got faces too. Many faces.” I shuddered.
“I can barely see any details,” she passed the binoculars to Andrew, and he looked through them, “What’s it do?”
“What?” I asked.
“What’s it do if it catches a person?”
“It pulls people into it. Makes you apart of its mass. Nasty fuckers.”
Andrew removed the lenses from his eyes and held them to his chest and asked, “It won’t mess up your trap, will it?”
“We’ll keep an eye on it,” I said, “You don’t want to mess with a fiend unless you have to.”
First/Previous
Archive

I was about to post this on the medical subreddit, but people their start moral policing and hating before providing solution.
Im 23F from UP
Grew up progressive in conservative household (parents are racist, homophobic, ultra-castist and bigots) with the pressure of performing better in academics so that my parents could tell others that even though I wasnt a man, I was still be able to succeed in life. Deep within everyone was hoping that my mom would birth at least one son. She didnt.
Im 23 now, and I have had ........lets say a very wierd life. Parents never loved each other and mother developed depression, anxiety and heart issues when I was growing up. She resents her life very much. Neither parents was there emotionally and me and my sister arent allowed to be emotional and vulnerable with anyone. Not even ourselves. Crying is a BIG NO in my house.
As the first kid to my parents, I grew up as a test subject, the experinmental kid. parents used to beat me a lot until i turned 19. Most of it was because they couldnt hit each other and needed a punching bag. Mom did apologise later in life but it didnt mend my heart. We live together but we hardly ever talk.
My parents also spoiled me a lot, but I never demanded a single thing from them. Mainly because I was not good in studies so I was repremanded that I would not be passed the generational wealth my dad had collected, because I wasnt a smart 'studious' sincere kid with good grades. So I never demanded or asked for anything from them. Just nodded at whatever decision was made by them for me because I felt guilty asking for things that I could never return with my academic performance.
Ours is a very disfunctional family with both parents being Voldemort and Harry Potter. They are in mid-50s and still argue a LOT. Mother is on heavy neuro medication all the time because through the year severe abuse by her in-laws and dad has left her soulless and hollow. She has passed all that trauma on me by saying things to me NO MOTHER EVER should even say to her daughter.
Im not a very studious person but I do read a LOT. I am an avid reader and I think i would off myself if i wouldnt read at least once a day. Reading and cinema is EVERYTHING to me.
THE PROBLEM: I gave NEET 3rd time this year. Score is around 250-350. Parents are pressurising that I have to either get a low fees+good college through NEET score, or I have to get into the UPSC race, if i choose neither of them , then they will start looking for potential grooms to get rid of me. I know i am a burden to them because they have spent a lot of money on my education. And beti for them is 'paraya dhan' after all. We live in Tier-1 city but they think that people will look at them wierd if adult daughter is at home just sitting and doing a casual graduation/post garduation degree. MBBS/BAMS from govt and MBBS from private is unaffordable. BAMS from private is the only option. One of my friends is doing BAMS and his college fees is 1-2 lakh per year. Even though even 1 lakh a year is too much for us, maybe if i beg they will relent.
I dont believe in Ayurveda though. I think its pseudoscience and no one goes straight to Ayurveda doc if they have cough and cold.
I will be real with you i am only partially in healthcare for caring/helping. Im also in this for money. (to fund my sisters education as she is a closeted lesbian and fears that parents might disown her if they find out)
I have no idea what to do. I dont own a single penny to my name.
I dont want to do UPSC. I dont like Ayurveda, but thats the only possible solution now. I have lost the mental ability to take a drop another year.
Parents are absolutely not ready for me to choose ANY other field,as its their money , their child so they get to decide. They have a reputation to make in front of all the relatives who bashed them and look down on them (my parents) for having only daughters,
Please guide me,
Thank You

Hi all ,
I will spare the uber long story but, essentially I am looking for some advice or any links or research around the issue I have.
I had a terrible car accident and then, leg injuries. As such, I do have loss of lordosis in upper and lower spine, heaps of bulging discs and ( I don't know if this is clinically significant at all ) haematoma thingys all over my spine.
Anyway, I also have TMDj.
About 5 years ago , I was diagnosed with vestibular migraines due to vertigo of all types, swaying or rocking, full rotation, tilts and internal vibration to name a few. I also had about 3 auras in that time and so it makes sense.
But there were some additional issues that didn't. Like, I would get out of my bucket seats in my car and when I would stand, a balloon like feeling would expand in my head, my heart would seem blunted and then it would disappear . I waw then diagnosed with postural orthostatic tachycardia
Then, last November I was coming from the toilet when I felt like I was hit by a 300 pound man, I could see the colours and shapes of the room and never lost consciousness. I landed about 2 feet away, slamming into a walk. I recovered real quick and gravity was restored.
Luckily I had a neuro appointment the next day. He says ' wow- classic drop attack which is a meneires symptom'
I then go to not one but two specialist testing facilities. I had the works.water and air pushed into my ears, a dark room and spun, nerve ear testing. Basically the works and...nothing. I don't meet the criteria here in Melbourne- not even close - for meniere's. I am from Ireland and there is no history of any of this in my family.
Neuro then says a tiny sub set of people who have vestibular migraines, also have one or many two drop attacks in their lifetime.
In all of this, I get neck pain. I noticed that when I am a passenger in a car and place my hand behind my neck, it seems in motion. Like the vertebra are gently swaying with the car movement. I tried this with my husbands and his are still. Okay so , that sounds weird but I am really desperate to find out what the heck is going on as none of it makes sense.
Occasionally I will look down and then the ground will bounce. This is nearly always when my neck is tighter. My neck and shoulders ache always.
Does anyone have any understanding of this conundrum- who might be way more knowledgeable than me ?
Thank you

I was about to post this on the medical subreddit, but people their start moral policing and hating before providing solution.
Im 23F from UP
Grew up progressive in conservative household (parents are racist, homophobic, ultra-castist and bigots) with the pressure of performing better in academics so that my parents could tell others that even though I wasnt a man, I was still be able to succeed in life. Deep within everyone was hoping that my mom would birth at least one son. She didnt.
Im 23 now, and I have had ........lets say a very wierd life. Parents never loved each other and mother developed depression, anxiety and heart issues when I was growing up. She resents her life very much. Neither parents was there emotionally and me and my sister arent allowed to be emotional and vulnerable with anyone. Not even ourselves. Crying is a BIG NO in my house.
As the first kid to my parents, I grew up as a test subject, the experinmental kid. parents used to beat me a lot until i turned 19. Most of it was because they couldnt hit each other and needed a punching bag. Mom did apologise later in life but it didnt mend my heart. We live together but we hardly ever talk.
My parents also spoiled me a lot, but I never demanded a single thing from them. Mainly because I was not good in studies so I was repremanded that I would not be passed the generational wealth my dad had collected, because I wasnt a smart 'studious' sincere kid with good grades. So I never demanded or asked for anything from them. Just nodded at whatever decision was made by them for me because I felt guilty asking for things that I could never return with my academic performance.
Ours is a very disfunctional family with both parents being Voldemort and Harry Potter. They are in mid-50s and still argue a LOT. Mother is on heavy neuro medication all the time because through the year severe abuse by her in-laws and dad has left her soulless and hollow. She has passed all that trauma on me by saying things to me NO MOTHER EVER should even say to her daughter.
Im not a very studious person but I do read a LOT. I am an avid reader and I think i would off myself if i wouldnt read at least once a day. Reading and cinema is EVERYTHING to me.
THE PROBLEM: I gave NEET 3rd time this year. Score is around 250-350. Parents are pressurising that I have to either get a low fees+good college through NEET score, or I have to get into the UPSC race, if i choose neither of them , then they will start looking for potential grooms to get rid of me. I know i am a burden to them because they have spent a lot of money on my education. And beti for them is 'paraya dhan' after all. We live in Tier-1 city but they think that people will look at them wierd if adult daughter is at home just sitting and doing a casual graduation/post garduation degree. MBBS/BAMS from govt and MBBS from private is unaffordable. BAMS from private is the only option. One of my friends is doing BAMS and his college fees is 1-2 lakh per year. Even this much fees is 2 much for us, but i guess if i beg they will relent.
I dont believe in Ayurveda though. I think its pseudoscience and no one goes straight to Ayurveda doc if they have cough and cold.
I will be real with you i am only partially in healthcare for caring/helping. Im also in this for money. (to fund my sisters education as she is a closeted lesbian and fears that parents might disown her if they find out)
I have no idea what to do. I dont own a single penny to my name.
I dont want to do UPSC. I dont like Ayurveda, but thats the only possible solution now. I have lost the mental ability to take a drop another year.
Parents are absolutely not ready for me to choose ANY other field,as its their money , their child so they get to decide. They have a reputation to make in front of all the relatives who bashed them and look down on them (my parents) for having only daughters,
Please guide me,
Thank You

I was about to post this on the medical subreddit, but people their start moral policing and hating before providing solution.
Im 23F from UP
Grew up progressive in conservative household (parents are racist, homophobic, ultra-castist and bigots) with the pressure of performing better in academics so that my parents could tell others that even though I wasnt a man, I was still be able to succeed in life. Deep within everyone was hoping that my mom would birth at least one son. She didnt.
Im 23 now, and I have had ........lets say a very wierd life. Parents never loved each other and mother developed depression, anxiety and heart issues when I was growing up. She resents her life very much. Neither parents was there emotionally and me and my sister arent allowed to be emotional and vulnerable with anyone. Not even ourselves. Crying is a BIG NO in my house.
As the first kid to my parents, I grew up as a test subject, the experinmental kid. parents used to beat me a lot until i turned 19. Most of it was because they couldnt hit each other and needed a punching bag. Mom did apologise later in life but it didnt mend my heart. We live together but we hardly ever talk.
My parents also spoiled me a lot, but I never demanded a single thing from them. Mainly because I was not good in studies so I was repremanded that I would not be passed the generational wealth my dad had collected, because I wasnt a smart 'studious' sincere kid with good grades. So I never demanded or asked for anything from them. Just nodded at whatever decision was made by them for me because I felt guilty asking for things that I could never return with my academic performance.
Ours is a very disfunctional family with both parents being Voldemort and Harry Potter. They are in mid-50s and still argue a LOT. Mother is on heavy neuro medication all the time because through the year severe abuse by her in-laws and dad has left her soulless and hollow. She has passed all that trauma on me by saying things to me NO MOTHER EVER should even say to her daughter.
Im not a very studious person but I do read a LOT. I am an avid reader and I think i would off myself if i wouldnt read at least once a day. Reading and cinema is EVERYTHING to me.
THE PROBLEM: I gave NEET 3rd time this year. Score is around 250-350. Parents are pressurising that I have to either get a low fees+good college through NEET score, or I have to get into the UPSC race, if i choose neither of them , then they will start looking for potential grooms to get rid of me. I know i am a burden to them because they have spent a lot of money on my education. And beti for them is 'paraya dhan' after all. We live in Tier-1 city but they think that people will look at them wierd if adult daughter is at home just sitting and doing a casual graduation/post garduation degree. MBBS/BAMS from govt and MBBS from private is unaffordable. BAMS from private is the only option. One of my friends is doing BAMS and his college fees is 1-2 lakh per year. Even though even 1 lakh a year is too much for us, maybe if i beg they will relent.
I dont believe in Ayurveda though. I think its pseudoscience and no one goes straight to Ayurveda doc if they have cough and cold.
I will be real with you i am only partially in healthcare for caring/helping. Im also in this for money. (to fund my sisters education as she is a closeted lesbian and fears that parents might disown her if they find out)
I have no idea what to do. I dont own a single penny to my name.
I dont want to do UPSC. I dont like Ayurveda, but thats the only possible solution now. I have lost the mental ability to take a drop another year.
Parents are absolutely not ready for me to choose ANY other field,as its their money , their child so they get to decide. They have a reputation to make in front of all the relatives who bashed them and look down on them (my parents) for having only daughters,
Please guide me,
Thank You

A number of fans of the Homeworld (HW) Universe have put a lot of thought and effort into their posts and that’s a testament to the passion that HW has brought to a lot of people.
I want to start by stating it pains me to say HW 3, especially the campaign has been a disappointment. Did we know what we were getting? Yes we had clues. Did we know the potential that HW 3 could have been based on the previous games? Oh there was immense potential!
The Homeworld series has been my favourite games (including mods) since the release of HW 1 in 1999 and I was a FIG backer for HW 3. None of the games have been perfect, but the storytelling left a long term impression and naturally the desire to want more from the series and continue to story. This has led to a loyal fan base including myself. I remember reading the HW1 manual and details about the Kushan Kiithid and the ships details numerous times.
Some of the epic storytelling events in the series that have made Homeworld what it is:
· The Kushan Kithid feuding for generations on a desert planet, Kharak, to then discover an ancient starship (Khar-Toba) buried in the desert sands. The genetic study also revealing they were not native to the planet.
· Discovering the Guide Stone in the Khar-Toba with a map pointing out Hiigara “Home”
· Discovering a Hyperspace Core and the Kiithid coming together to build the Mothership with Karan S’Jet integrated as Fleet Command
· Kharak burning – What treaty did the Kharak people break and what was their past? The war with the Taiidan Empire begins to reclaim their home.
· The Garden of Kadesh and realising they were part of the same race.
· The Bentusi and discovering why the people of Hiigara were exiled to the far reaches of the galaxy.
· Defeating the Taiidan Emperor, Riesstiu IV, and taking back Hiigara
· Learning more about the Kiithid in Cataclysm, the Beast, and the Bentusi’s fear – “We shall not be bound”
· Bentus sacrificing itself so the Hiigarans and Karan S’Jet could re-unite the 3 Hyperspace Cores
· Progenitor Relics, ships and guardians
· Balcora Gate and the battle to recovering the third Hyperspace core from Makaan (who believed he was the Sajuuk-Khar) and the Vagyr
· Transferring from the mothership to the long-lost Progenitor starship Sajuuk. Seeing the mothership drift away. It was a memorable moment .
· Saving Hiigara from the Scorched Earth scenario. The fleet fought hard to save Hiigara and their people.
· The Eye of Aaran which Sajuuk and the 3 hyperspace cores unlocking the vast hyperspace gate network. Hiigara opened up a trade/exploration/colonisation network across the galaxy and beyond. Not just for them, but for all civilisations.
Finally the day comes when the HW3 Collector’s Edition arrives after waiting years as a FIG Backer. It was amazing. The artwork was beautiful. The models were great and go well with the HW2 collector’s edition. After so many years, HW3 was finally here!
I finished the HW3 campaign a couple of nights ago. First there was anger, frustration, followed by mourning the loss of such a great opportunity that could have been for the Homeworld Universe. After playing 4 previous HW games for years, it feels like the team that wrote the HW3 script really did not understand the franchise, storyline to date, and its ‘spirit’.
After watching the promotional videos from the team from Blackbird Interactive saying HW3 was for the fans that have been with them along the 25 year journey (Relic Entertainment back then) the disappointment was very real. Sure it’s a visually beautiful game and some of the game features are an improvement which they couldn’t do in HW 1 and 2, but this did not feel like a continuation for the long term fans. This felt like a simpler HW labelled game for a new fan base. Such a missed opportunity! There has been the release of Homeworld Mobile and the VR version so Gearbox are looking to maximise the revenue while they can, and I can’t blame them for that.
My HW3 opinion:
· Aesthetically, HW3 is stunning
· I really like the look of the Khar-Kushan Mothership
· Deserts of Kharak showed the struggle and Kiithid conflict aswell as how difficult life was on a Desert Planet. HW1 was about the Kushan coming together to fight for their true home after Kharak was burned. Cataclysm did a good job expanding the different Kushan (now Hiigaran) Kiithid. HW2 felt like an “unbound” storyline with the three Hyperspace Cores – Karan got her time in the limelight – the three cores and Sajuuk combined was the key to the hyperspace network and “The Age of S’Jet”. HW3 continued with a focus on being ‘unbound’ lacking the substance behind who the Hiigarans are and their history, even before their exile…a missed opportunity.
· Popular fan request – Let us finish collecting resources! Imogen and the fleet were being hunted so I understand the urgency behind the gameplay…….but still, the player should have the option to jump when they want to.
· Besides one interceptor getting stuck on an object on mission 13, I had a pretty smooth gaming experience. The intelligence of the fleet and formations was a bit dodgy which required a lot of micro management.
· Cinematics between missions. The quality varied. Feels like more time and money was spent on the development of each one instead of a decent storyline. Why did it need to be done when you compare to the predecessor games? Likely because this game was more character focussed instead of a Fleet Focus.
· Khar-Kushan colliding with the giant freighter. That would have caused catastrophic damage and serious structural integrity issues. It seemed a bit too much! An evasive manoeuvre which led to the Synth Hyperspace Core housing being damaged as it clipped the freighter would have been enough to temporarily take out, power, propulsion and two out of the three cores.
· Ship designs were bland and generic lacking the HW2 creativity. Hiigarans have discovered quite a bit of Progenitor tech so why are they still stuck with the same types of weapons.
· No Sub Systems compared to HW2
· No targetable ship components e.g. engines, primary weapon etc. compared to HW2
· IMO the fleet ship types and options were far inferior to HW 1 & 2. It felt dumbed down significantly.
· One kind of Corvette……..really???
· Hiigaran Carrier….horrible design and couldn’t keep up with the Khar-Kushan.
· Why no Ship Yard? I can understand the Khar-Kushan had capital ship building capabilities, but it still would have added flexibility in Fleet logistics.
· Fleet control options were not great and missing a few options compared to HW 1 & 2. When you have a fast paced fleet battle going on, you want to minimise the time it takes to search for ship order functions.
· Using classic controls with terrain tunnels sucked. I struggled with the camera view because of the terrain. Too often I was met with blue screen because the camera was inside a structure or terrain.
· The antagonist – The Queen of Incarnate, Tiaa’Ma. An Unbound that has been around for millennia with far superior knowledge and use of hyperspace, can move and destroy planets on a whim, can turn off hypergates or redirect them. With that kind of power, why didn’t she hunt down the cores and search the galaxy for them? A tyrant that has killed millions. The Queen in general as the antagonist and the campaign ending was incredibly bad.
· With the 3 Hyperspace Cores gone, the 15^th fleet are not the only ones stranded. The Hyperspace gate network is down for all civilisations. Far jumping is gone. What detrimental effect will that have on the galaxy at large including the Hiigaran colonies, economy, diplomatic relations with other civilisations etc.?
· Imogen’s choice not to engage with the Incarnate after their Queen was gone was poor form!
· Imogen S’Jet – The hair…dry and wet…WTF
· I personally wanted to learn more about the Progenitor. Instead, I got hive mind Progenitor worshipers and still very little information about them or those who created the cores and the gates etc.
· Sajuuk combined with the three hyperspace cores was the key to opening the Hyperspace Gates. It was a superior ship IMO. So where is Sajuuk now? Were the 3 cores removed and put into a new mothership (Khar-Sajuuk) with the primary weapon looking like a mini Sajuuk sticking out of the centre of the ship. If it is the Sajuuk with the Mothership built around it, the scale is way off. Sajuuk was a mothership size vessel!
So after that rant, HW3 is beautiful but a hard pill to swallow after 25 years of loving the HW Universe. Life goes on! I hope the loyal fan base provides constructive feedback for BBI and Gearbox Software in hope it is listened to and used to bring back epic storytelling.

Putting this here in case it's helpful to others. I saw a neurologist yesterday and he thinks I have long covid. Took me 8 different doctors and 6 months of actively pushing hard, getting tests done before anyone has affirmed my self diagnosis. I've had long covid for a couple years, but it has been debilitating after i got the vaccine last January and got sick again a year ago in May. Neurologist ordered an MRI and told me that my iron was low for someone who has restless leg syndrome (ferratin at 50, he said it should be closer to 100). Other than that, I'll have a follow up appointment next month. This doctor told me there's not much they can do for meds, but I'm really worried that the constant headaches (including some debilitating vestibular migraines), flu-like feelings, heart palpitations, brain fog and fatigue are going to cause me to lose my job.
Most notably, I bawled when i was trying to describe to him everything I've been through in the past year. A similar emotional outburst happened with a physical therapist too, and both times, the doctors suggested getting on ssris (which I have tried before and actually make my anxiety worse). For anyone else who gets really emotional talking about this, it's totally normal to be grieving and to feel an immense sense of loss. We are having rational reactions to a very scary illness and a lack of control over how to move forward in our lives. I felt so small leaving that doctors office; he did a terrible job of acknowledging that I've lost a lot and been gaslit by people who should be ready to help. So just wanted to offer to anyone else dealing with the emotional overwhelm, you aren't alone and it's ok/totally rational to be exhausted, worn out, scared and craving any sense of direction. This illness takes so much from us, at the very least, we should be allowed to have our justified grief.
I have done a lot of journaling, messaging folks in Long COVID groups, messaging friends who have LC and POTS, and watching tiktoks of people who are going through similar things. I'm getting release where I can and social interaction as I have energy. My emotions are not the problem... The system is the problem.

i’m not diagnosed with any autoimmune disorders but i have a fair amount of markers / symptoms that are apparently related to / in the realm of an autoimmune disorder. i wanted to reach out here to see if y’all had any advice on how to seek out treatment / how to get tested / any other advice given the set of symptoms i have.
for the past 3ish years i’ve been exhausted, extreme fatigue that isn’t remedied with any amount of sleep and makes getting through any day a very difficult task. i get blood pooling in my legs when i stand still and upright for a few minutes, which leads to me getting light headed and seeing spots / fainting (this is remedied by wearing compression socks). irregular heartbeat occasionally, typically accompanied by the blood pooling / dizziness. i never have “normal” bowl movements, nor consistent ones. some days i’ll go 7 times, others it’ll just be once. they’re never the staple “healthy” looking stools. i get frequent debilitating stomach cramps that encompass my entire abdomen and last all day, sometimes spanning more than a day, and make me unable to stand up straight without severe pain. i also have psoriasis in some parts of my body. i get hot red splotches on my face, chest, arms and stomach a couple of times a month. i am frequently nauseous (almost daily) and have a sensitivity to gluten. three years ago i was throwing up multiple times a week till the point that i threw up blood and got an endoscopy done. it showed my stomach lining being very torn up and bloody and unhealthy, but i never followed up (i haven’t had an episode like that since).
i’ve been told to look into pots which i tested negative for. i’ve been told to look into possible thyroid issues, lupus and chrons, but i’m honestly really lost and confused. it’s been something dragging me down for the past 3 years and it’s been too overwhelming to try to go to the doctor to figure it out since i have no sense of direction. it’s obvious it’s not getting any better, so any words of advice / guidance on what threads i should follow or steps to take would be amazing. thank you for your time!

After a few frustrating weeks of trying to upgrade my Creative Zen Micro to 128gb, I finally succeeded on upgrading it. Here is a step by step.

With a Virtual Machine

Given that the software part can get very frustrating, I suggest that you first focus on creating a working environment based on your stock mp3 player. This will limit the number of things that can go wrong.
This was tested on a Windows 11 machine (called Host from now on).
Download Virtualbox. Use your own Windows XP SP2 image or find one (google: archive + WinXPProSP2ENG). Download the Windows Media Player 10 updater from here Download the Creative Zen Micro drivers and upgraders from here
Install Virtualbox. Install Windows XP on Virtualbox - this can be a big step if you don't have much experience in this field, but there are plenty of tutorials on how to do it - check the references below.
Now that you have your Windows XP VM (called Guest from now on) up and running, go to the Devices tab on the top of your screen and click on "Insert guest additions CD...". This will insert a virtual CD containing some Virtualbox drivers and you'll get a pop up on your Guest machine. Install them and reboot your machine.
Turn off your Guest machine.
Connect the Zen Micro to your Host machine. Your Host machine should recognize the player with no trouble.
In Virtualbox, click on your VM machine and go to settings > USB > USB2.0 > click on the 'plus' sign and add your device there. The name should be "Creative...".
Now, in the same settings menu, go to the tab "shared folders" and click on "add". Now, choose the folder you want to share between the Host and the Guest machines. Give it a name and a mount point. I picked "sharewithxp" for all the fields, including the name of the directory on Host. Check 'auto-mount' and 'make permanent' (if it exists).
On your Host machine, copy the files MP10Setup.exe, ZenMicroPDE_PCFW_LB_1_11_01.exe and JB3MV2_PCWDRV_US_2_01_00.EXE to the shared directory you just created. Also copy MP10Setup.exe.
Turn on your Guest machine and go to "My Computer". You should see your shared folder in there. Copy all the files from there to your Guest's desktop.
Install MP10Setup.exe - this upgrades the Windows Media Player from 9 to 10. By experience, Windows Media Player 11 was problematic and apparently 9 isn't ok either. Stick to WMP 10. This was key for me. It really didn't work without WMP10.
Install JB3MV2_PCWDRV_US_2_01_00.EXE - these are the drivers for the Zen Micro.
Disconnect your Zen Micro from your computer. Connect it again. Go to devices > usb on the top menu and make sure your device is selected.
Execute ZenMicroPDE_PCFW_LB_1_11_01.exe If everything went according to plan you should now see an "Upgrade" button. If you see said button - congratulations because this was the most painful part of the process. I realized that when the device is correctly loaded, the executable won't open right away - It takes a few seconds. If the device wasn't fully recognized, you'll see a message saying "Your player is not connected, please connect your player".
(If you got the dreadful second message and no "upgrade" button, try to reboot your Guest machine. Disconnect and connect your player again. Make sure it appears on the devices menu.)
Now that you have a working environment, let's move to the fun part.
Format your micro sd card (fat32 if I'm not mistaken) - I used a Sandisk Extreme 128gb (the golden ones) and it worked fine. Insert the micro sd on your CF-to-SD adapter. I got the the only adapter I could find (red one).
Disassemble your Zen Micro - there are tutorials and videos around that show you how to do it better than I possible could - check the references below.
Remove the CF card from the mp3 player and insert the adapter. Pay attention to the position of the old CF card. CF cards don’t have a big distinguishable difference on one side like sd cards do. It's really easy to get mistaken and connect it on the wrong side. The only differences are the slots/openings on both sides of the CF card/adapter - one is larger than the other. When the adapter is connected and in place, its label should be visible (pointing upwards). Take a picture of the original CF card if needed or check the video in the references below.
Assemble everything back but do not insert the battery right away.
Toggle the power button to the left and hold it that position. Insert the battery. You should now be in recovery mode. Navigate to "format all" and click ok. Navigate to "reboot" and click ok.
Connect your player to the computer and, in the Guest machine, make sure it is selected on the devices > usb menu.
Open ZenMicroPDE_PCFW_LB_1_11_01.exe If everything went according to plan, the upgrade button should now be visible. Click. Wait. Enjoy.
[I also tried upgrading to ZenMicroP4S_PCFW_L16_2_21_02.exe and it worked just fine. However, I realized the player needs to reboot 2-3 times and when it did, it lost connection with the machine, so I had to disconnect the cable and connect it back again and it was picked up. If it doesn't, check if it is still selected on the devices>usb menu and try again.]
PS: Inside the Creative Zen Micro link, there are also 2 older drivers in there - I didn't test them.
References: https://www.reddit.com/ipod/comments/18e1698/creative_zen_micro_upgraded_from_5gb_hdd_to_a/ https://www.instructables.com/Upgrade-the-Zen-Micro-5gb-to-8gb-on-the-Cheap/ www.youtube.com/watch?v=VERkcCTJFyI https://www.intowindows.com/how-to-boot-and-install-from-iso-in-virtualbox/

Without a VM (native Windows XP running on a modern computer)

^Soon.

Hi! I will graduate in a few days and will soon take RadTech but I'm not sure if I can maximize my opportunities in the future by taking that course. This course is for practicality, though, so I want it to be worth my time and scholarship since I can't afford to shift or go to college again.
In all honesty, taking a medical course is not my passion since I originally wanted to take a HUMSS-related course pero my results in my SHS entrance test told me that I'm better suited sa STEM. That's why I took STEM and am now having a dilemma even though the best decision for my situation right now is to choose a course with a steady income. I saw din how so many people lost their jobs nung pandemic because it was deemed not essential. Not to look down on them pero I don't wanna end up like that. I'm still going to take RadTech or maybe Pharm pero I wanna hear from your perspectives din. That's all and thanks!

Hello! This all started over a month ago so I’ll try to keep it short.
My rabbit is 10 years old. He had GI stasis at the beginning of April. Had X-rays and bloodwork done and was given medication to help his gut mobility.
X-Rays only showed gas from stasis, nothing else.
Blood test didn’t show anything abnormal either, all numbers were within range. So liver disease and kidney disease are currently ruled out.
Fast forward to now and this has been the routine so far:
Rabbit gets medicine. Starts to improve. Finishes medicine. Starts to decline. Return to the vet, get more medication. Repeat cycle.
Recently after he finished his latest round of meds and started to decline (refuse food, low energy, weird poops, etc.), I started giving him more doses of the Japanese equivalent of Critical Care (we’re in Japan) and that did help his appetite return on it’s own.
But he only ate hay, veggies, and crunchy rabbit treats. Straight up refused pellets, which is not good cuz he has lost quite a bit of weight since this all started. And hay is great but doesn’t help a whole lot with the weight loss.
And without the additional feedings of CC he probably would have continued to lose more weight.
He’s gone from 3kg (6.6lbs) to 2.4kg (5.29lbs). He has gotten back up to 2.7kg-2.8kg when he’s on his meds, but starts losing weight again when he’s off them.
Also should mention his poops have varied a lot in size from small to regular size depending on his appetite that day. Color tends to be dark but he mainly eats orchard grass so I think that’s due to the protein.
Vet has also ruled out MegaColon and parasites. And since nothing showed up on the blood test or x-ray he doesn’t think it’s an infection or some other disease.
Vet thinks it may be a teeth issue, but whenever he’s checked the teeth they’ve been fine (no overgrowth or signs of infection).
Took him back in for more medication because even though he’s eating a lot, his weight isn’t getting any better.
But this has been ongoing for about 6 weeks and I feel like we’ve done every test possible.
Any folks have any ideas what else we should check for?
My vet is rabbit-savvy, but even he’s a bit baffled by this case. Did say if he doesn’t improve after this round of meds we’ll likely do another blood test just to make sure there’s nothing else going on.

Write one page stories in response to these prompts and post your favorite ones here in the comments!

1. Lost in the forest, she found a mysterious key—unlocking a hidden door to a magical realm of talking animals.
2. Every night, the old lighthouse keeper whispered secrets to the waves, until the sea revealed a long-lost love letter.
3. In the attic, she discovered an ancient map leading to buried treasure, transforming a routine cleaning day into adventure.
4. An orphaned kitten, afraid of rain, found a friend in a compassionate umbrella, forming an unexpected bond against life's storms.
5. The broken music box mended hearts, playing a forgotten melody that mended the fractured friendship of two old musicians.
6. The astronaut’s lonely orbit was interrupted by a cosmic visitor—an ethereal, star-shaped being seeking companionship in the vast void.
7. A magical pen wrote the future. Terrified of the unknown, she learned to embrace each unwritten moment as a gift.
8. Beneath the city, a network of tunnels held the forgotten tales of subway musicians and their symphonies for the rats.
9. In a desolate winter, a snowflake with a secret wish fell into the hands of a child who believed in miracles.
10. A garden gnome, tired of being stationary, embarked on a quest for adventure, hitching rides with unsuspecting birds.
11. On a crowded train, a mysterious suitcase swapped hands, sparking connections between strangers and intertwining their fates forever.
12. Time froze at midnight. A clock repairer's dance with the gears led to a moment of eternal stillness in town.
13. A library cat, bored with routine, discovered a hidden book portal, whisking readers into enchanting worlds beyond the shelves.
14. A worn-out teddy bear, discarded in an attic, found new purpose as the guardian of a child's sweetest dreams.
15. A mysterious jar held fireflies that whispered forgotten wishes, sparking a magical night of dreams come true for a town.
16. In a ghost town, a lone pianist played melodies that brought memories alive, reviving the spirits of the abandoned.
17. The talking mirror revealed harsh truths. Determined to change, she shattered the reflection, discovering beauty in fragments.
18. A message in a bottle sailed through time, reaching the hands of a modern-day sailor and uniting two distant souls.
19. The rusty key, tucked in a forgotten drawer, opened a portal to childhood dreams, unlocking a world of nostalgia.
20. An owl and a firefly, unlikely friends, lit up the night sky, sharing stories that painted constellations on the darkness.
21. A peculiar tree whispered forgotten secrets to those who listened. Its roots held stories spanning centuries, connecting generations.
22. Lost in a storm, a little boat discovered a magical lighthouse, guiding it to an island where dreams washed ashore.
23. In a dusty attic, an old typewriter typed messages from the afterlife, comforting grieving families with unexpected love letters.
24. An abandoned carousel, cursed to spin forever, granted wishes to those who dared ride, revealing the magic within their hearts.
25. An artist painted a doorway to other worlds. Curious, a passerby stepped through, finding a realm where colors spoke.
26. On a rainy day, a neglected umbrella found purpose sheltering a stray dog, forging a bond stronger than storms.
27. The lonely scarecrow, longing for friends, befriended a misfit group of crows who taught it to dance with the wind.
28. In a forgotten library, a bookworm encountered a volume of living stories, each character begging to be read into existence.
29. The clock tower's chimes echoed stories of the past, inspiring a time-traveler to rewrite history with second chances.
30. A lonely shadow, detached from its owner, explored the world, discovering that shadows too could leave an imprint.
31. An old camera captured moments of pure joy. Rediscovered, its photographs rekindled forgotten smiles and laughter in a family.
32. The wishing well granted whispers of hope to a grieving soul, turning tears into petals that bloomed into a garden.
33. A discarded toy soldier, missing an arm, rallied fellow broken toys, forming an army of resilience against neglect.
34. On a foggy night, a lighthouse's beam revealed ghostly ships from centuries past, silently sailing through time's veil.
35. A gardener's tears watered a magical plant, whose blooms told stories of love, loss, and the passage of time.
36. A misfit teapot, left on a shelf, found purpose brewing dreams, pouring inspiration into the cups of sleepers.
37. The carousel's magic painted dreams onto children's minds. Each ride sculpted aspirations, turning mundane moments into extraordinary memories.
38. The librarian's cat, enchanted by ancient scrolls, stumbled into a world of forgotten tales, bringing lost stories back to life.
39. A discarded key unlocked a trunk of memories, revealing a grandmother's treasures that sparked adventures for a curious grandchild.
40. The echo in an old clock tower whispered the wishes of forgotten lovers, creating a timeless symphony of heartbeats.
41. A curious rock in the garden harbored a tiny door. Opening it led to a realm of miniature creatures and wonders.
42. A discarded puzzle piece, overlooked in haste, found its place in a grand masterpiece, completing a picture of unity.
43. An old diary discovered in an attic held letters from a bygone era, weaving tales of love transcending time.
44. The moonlit pond transformed into a mirror of dreams, reflecting the aspirations of those who dared to gaze into it.
45. A forgotten umbrella sparked a serendipitous meeting, sheltering two strangers who shared a rain-soaked adventure and laughter.
46. An abandoned toy store at midnight came alive, toys playing and dancing until dawn, filling the darkness with joy.
47. The wishing star granted a child's plea, turning the night sky into a canvas painted with dreams come true.
48. A humble lantern, carried through generations, lit the path of a family's stories, flickering with the warmth of memories.
49. The clock tower's gears clicked in harmony with a street musician's melody, creating a fleeting symphony in the city.
50. A neglected swing in the park became a portal to childhood dreams, swaying through memories of laughter and innocence.
51. The attic's dusty typewriter wrote letters to the future, forging connections between generations separated by time's relentless march.
52. A lonely moonbeam illuminated a forgotten statue, bringing it to life to dance beneath the celestial ballroom of stars.
53. A broken compass found in an antique shop guided a lost traveler, leading them to unexpected destinations and serendipitous encounters.
54. The neglected rocking horse in the corner sparked to life, carrying children on whimsical adventures through the realms of imagination.
55. An old train ticket, misplaced for decades, led a nostalgic traveler on a journey through memories of youthful escapades.
56. A discarded map, its edges worn with age, guided wanderers to a mythical land hidden behind the veil of reality.
57. A forgotten key discovered in a dusty drawer unlocked a door to childhood secrets, revealing treasures of innocence and joy.
58. The abandoned robot in the junkyard fixed broken toys, teaching them that imperfections were the essence of beauty.
59. A fallen star transformed into a messenger, delivering dreams to sleepers and sprinkling stardust on their midnight wishes.