The truth about accutane

Gums Save Lives (allegedly)

2014.05.19 21:46 Gums Save Lives (allegedly)

A place to chew over gum related issues.
[link]


2024.02.15 09:28 AccomplishedWeb4537 TheTruthAboutJim

[link]


2022.01.17 15:08 iammarybahtisrael TruthAboutTheBible

[link]


2024.05.09 19:00 IndependentTea2960 I went to see a world renowned HS specialist today - here’s what he told me

Background - male 27 who first started experiencing HS symptons around 9 months ago. Since then I’ve had various flares which are mostly well controlled with salycilic acid, however I do have 2 tunnels which formed ( which came about from messing with the flares instead of leaving them alone 🤦‍♂️). So considering I’ve already progressed to stage 2 this quick, I paid out of pocket to see a HS specialist, as I want to get on top of it before it’s too late.
He’s very much of the opinion of treating HS hard and early whilst you can. He’s referred me to a surgeon to get the tunnels removed even though they aren’t really causing me many problems at the moment, and seems to have the opinion that the less inflammation from tunnelling under the skin there is, the slower HS will progress. He said me seeing him early is key as it means we have a window where we can control it before it gets out of control. He also said that from first symptons you generally have around 3 years before you get to your worst stage.
He prescribed me 3 months of Doxy as well as clindymcin topical solution and also fucibet. A topical antibiotic that contains a strong steroid which he says has a similar effect to using steroid shots and is a good way to stop a boil in its tracks from getting too inflamed when I can see one start forming. He also said we can try the clin and Rimp combo if that doesn’t work
He also ranked me based on inflammation and also my Hurley stage. My inflammation is 1 which is pretty much as low as it can be, however due to the tunnels I’ve crept into Hurley stage 2. He did stress that the Hurley system was designed for surgeons and nothing else, and doesn’t really define severity. So someone who is stage 2 could have it much easier than someone in stage 1 for example
I asked him quite a few questions :
Diet - he says that avoiding sugar seems to be key, but unfortunatly there is not enough data to suggest exactly what foods cause flares ( although he did say it can work for some, he just doesn’t have the data to reccomened specific diets )
Humira - despite what some studies suggest, he said that it only really has dramatic improvement for around 10% of patients! He did however say that Cosentyx is showing more promising data and there are a bunch of new drugs in trials that are expected to be on the way shortly, which is good news
Accutane - he said it’s not reccomened and in some cases can make HS worse or even start HS up in patients who never had symptoms
Laser hair - he said that it can be very helpful for a lot of people, but again there is a lack of data at the moment as people don’t really go to derms for laser and as such it makes it harder to collect data / conduct studies. But the results so far seem promising
Metformin - he said it can be very helpful if your blood sugar levels are high, as that is sometimes a key contributor to HS. He has sent me to get some blood work done.
All in all I’m happy with how the visit went - if truth be told I’m not over the moon about taking anti biotics and getting de roofing, but I’m going to trust the advice of a HS expert and hope that I can keep this condition under control. I’ll also be changing up my diet with reccomendations from reddit
Sorry if that was a long read, hopefully some people can benefit from this info, any questions feel free to ask 😀
submitted by IndependentTea2960 to Hidradenitis [link] [comments]


2024.03.25 06:01 ahnafakeef298 Masterpost of Accutane Guides

Last updated: 18 April 2024
Discord Server Link:
https://discord.gg/H6jDQxvz
Reddit Threads:
  1. [HOW TO] Survive Isotretinoin, Accutane
  2. Accutane - Blood Tests and Supplements
  3. Advice for those on the fence about starting Accutane
  4. Accutane Guide
  5. My Experience on Accutane and Best Tips
  6. My Unofficial Guide to Surviving Accutane: Holy Grail Products and Routine
  7. Accutane Skin Care Routine + Tips and Tricks
  8. Ultimate Accutane Dry Hair Guide
  9. My Purge Survival Guide/Tips
  10. The Complete Lip Product Guide
  11. A Fix for Dry Lips
  12. Prepping to Start on Accutane
  13. Reviews of Healing Ointments
  14. An Accutane Patient’s Review of 7 Different Lip Balms
  15. Lip Balm Reviews
  16. A General Guide to Accutane
  17. A Comprehensive Guide to Hyperpigmentation and How to Treat It
Medication Guides
Absorica
Accutane
Claravis
Myorisan
Roaccutane
Zenatane
Isotretinoin Dose Calculator
Isotretinoin Dose Calculator
Safety and Precautions Guides
Isotretinoin (Oral Route) Precautions
Isotretinoin Precautions
Precautions for the Safe Use of Isotretinoin (Accutane)
Isotretinoin: Patient Safety
Isotretinoin (Roaccutane▼): Reminder of Important Risks and Precautions
Blood Monitoring Guides
Accutane Blood Monitoring Guide
Clarus Blood Monitoring Guide
Mental Health Guides:
Isotretinoin and Mental Health
Accutane and Depression: What is the Link?
The Truth About Whether Accutane Can Actually Cause Depression
Update on Isotretinoin, Depression, and Suicide: Appropriate Monitoring is Key
Study Indicates Isotretinoin is Not An Independent Risk Factor for Depression
Side Effects Guides
Accutane (Isotretinoin) Side Effects: What You Need to Know
Isotretinoin: The Truth About Side Effects
Accutane Side Effects: What They Are and How You Can Best Deal with Them
Manage and Prevent Isotretinoin Side Effects
Accutane Side Effects And How To Avoid Them
Hair Loss:
Hair Loss on Accutane
Accutane - Isotretinoin Induced Hair Loss
Preventing and Treating Hair Loss On Accutane (Isotretinoin)
Hair Loss On Accutane Cause, Cure And How To Prevent It
Accutane Hair Loss: Causes, Reversibility & Prevention
Dry Lips:
Dry Lips From Accutane
Dry Eyes:
A Guide to Treating Your Dry Eyes When Taking Accutane
Nosebleeds:
How To Stop Accutane Nose Bleeds 7 Useful Tips
Joint Pain:
How to Relieve Joint Pain From Accutane
Photosensitivity:
Is Your Acne Medication Causing Sun Sensitivity?
Does Accutane Make You More Sensitive To The Sun?
Liver Health:
Will Accutane Damage Your Liver?
Can Accutane Cause Permanent Liver Damage?
Accutane Liver Effects
What Can A Person Do To Protect Their Liver While Taking Isotretinoin (Accutane)?
Simple Tips To Keep Your Liver Healthy While Taking Accutane
Skin Care Product Guides
How to take care of your skin while using Accutane
The best skincare to use (and what to avoid) when taking Roaccutane
The Best Skin-Care Products for Accutane Users, According to Dermatologists
The best skin care products to use if you’re on Accutane, according to experts
The 7 Products That Legitimately Changed My World When My Skin Was a Dry, Red, Flaky Mess on Isotretinoin
Dermatologists Recommend These Products To Anyone Taking Accutane
I'm on Accutane, and These Are the Products Saving My Dry Skin
Skincare Guide While On Accutane: Best Products To Use
The Best Skincare for Accutane and Roaccutane Users Recommended by a Dermatologist
8 Best Products to Use While on Accutane
Food and Diet Guides
Should You Avoid Certain Foods While Taking Accutane?
Oral Supplement Guides
Injuv®: A Clinically-Studied Hyaluronic Acid Supplement For Youthful Looking Skin
Astaxanthin: Enhancing Sun Protection from Within
Miscellaneous Guides (Categorised by Source)
Dr Dray (YouTube):
Accutane Skin Care Essentials Dr Dray
Can Accutane Turn The Clock Back On Aging Dr Dray
Does Accutane Give You A Nose Job? Dr Dray
Dr Dray Reacts To Reddit Accutane Starter Pack Dr Dray
Accutane Q&A Dr Dray
Dr Davin Lim (YouTube):
A Review of Accutane Dr Davin Lim
Top 5 Tips on Accutane for Best Results Dr Davin Lim
Guidelines on Accutane and Lasers Dr Davin Lim
Tea with MD (YouTube):
Everything You Need To Know About Accutane Tea with MD
Simple Accutane Skin Care Routine Tea with MD
Notes by Alice:
Accutane for Acne: Ultimate Guide and Tips for Starting
Accutane Skin Care Routine & Essential Products: Ultimate Guide
Magnesium for Acne: My Experience & Tips
Turmeric Supplements for Acne: My Experience & Tips
Miscellaneous Sources:
Isotretinoin Patient Guide British Association of Dermatologists
Isotretinoin and Mental Health Royal College of Psychiatrists
Skin Care Routine on Isotretinoin King’s College Hospital
A Definitive Guide To Isotretinoin Midland Skin UK
A Dermatologist’s Guide to Accutane Marie Claire
submitted by ahnafakeef298 to Accutane [link] [comments]


2024.03.20 06:42 P00p_L00p Has anyones dick never worked from day 1 (during sexual intercourse)?

Hi all,
I'm reaching a point with my erectile dysfunction where I'm close to accepting that I will always have a penis that doesn't work. I started having sexual intercourse when I was 15 (I'm 20 now) and it has never fully "worked" from what I understand from anecdotes of other men and women. I'm able to get hard whilst masturbating but instantly lose it if I stop or am in any other position other than laying on my back. I also seem to lose it if I don't have 100% focus on the task. I have not gotten random erections since ~7th grade and rarely get morning wood (even since around middle school). I did a round of accutane when I was 15. Masturbate semi-frequently. Porn occasionally and truthfully I would be comfortable saying I have an addiction but whenever I was able to kick it (for up to 3 months at one point), nothing changed. Got sildenafil and didn't work (took 50mg at one point and still did not change). If there is no physical stimulation happening it is pretty much impossible to keep for more than a second or two. I'd also like to mention I have been on Fin since late 2022 but these issues have been happening since long before that, and I doubt I would've magically been cured from these issues but the fin has been holding me back (especially since I was off finasteride for about a month and noticed no change with ED).
Excuse the rant, but I'm just curious if anyone else has seemingly never had a working dick. It's difficult for me to prescribe any diagnosis to myself because I'm 1. young and healthy (cardiovascularly at least, test isn't great but not in low levels) and 2. have experienced ED before I even knew what it was (when I was initially trying to have sex at my young age I was not worried about performance). The one urologist I've seen pretty much dismissed me because of my age, but I did have an ultrasound done on my scrotum and nothing abnormal was found (maybe this was useless? I haven't done much research on what should actually be done medically to discover ED). I'd also like to mention that because my family and I are extremely open about things I've mentioned this to them and it was revealed to me that my father has also had extreme ED throughout his life.
If anyone has similar anecdotes, stories, or advice I'd appreciate it. I'm currently filling out an online forum for sildenafil as my last hail mary, but after this I legitimately don't know where to go from here. This issue has brought me so much shame and sadness that I'd almost like to never even experience anything related to sex again.
submitted by P00p_L00p to erectiledysfunction [link] [comments]


2024.03.03 01:03 Ok-Presentation-4424 My life with wpw

Hello, Sorry if my English is not great, it's not my first language, I want to write this because I feel like I don't have anyone to speak it with or someone who understands me, when I was 9 years old I was diagnosed with wpw at that time I didn't think anything bad, rather I was happy 😭 I thought it made me different from the others, so I spent the years taking flecanaide and Metropolol and I felt good. Sometimes I would get sick, but I would relax for a little while and it would go away. At that time I lived in Mexico in a small town where the nearest hospital was 2 hours away, now just thinking about it scares me 😭 when I was 14 I moved to the United States and I started seeing a cardiologist here and he told me that I was going to have an ablation when I was 15 and that he was very sure that it would be successful but it didn’t and I had to continue with medication. at 16, my doctor transferred me to another cardiologist highly recommended by him and that cardiologist performed another ablation on me and it was successful as the doctor said but after 3 days I I started to feel bad again and I went to the doctor, they did tests and everything went well but I continued to feel bad and it was like that for a long time that I couldn't even eat because my heart felt fast. After a while the doctor decided to do another ablation on me the EKGs didn't show anything but he still did the ablation and the doctor told me that I still had another pathway behind the heart or something like that, he explained it to me and that ablation didn't go well and he gave me medication and I started to feel well again and with the time he told me that he wanted to try another ablation, I didn't want to because I was already tired of it not working but I still decided that he would do it and again he told me that the ablation was a success but a week later I started to feel my heart again fast and a lot of palpitations again he put monitors on my heart he did a lot of ekgs and nothing ever came out and he started saying it was anxiety so I was there for a long time I had to go to school feeling palpitations and my heart was very fast eventually I graduated and without being able to work because I felt like I couldn't do anything, and the truth is I suffered a lot, despite that I got depressed, one year of being like this my dad forced me to go with him to cut a yard since he thought it was just anxiety and I didn't want to go but I still went and my heart accelerated to 215-230 beats and that episodes have happened to my heart before but it only from 5 minutes to 15 but that time I was almost 1 hour 20 minutes like that until They gave me something that made my heart stop and beat normally again. After seeing that, the doctor gave me flecanaide and metropolol again and the truth is I have been much better. Sometimes I still feel bad but not like before. I still can't work much but I still started my company selling beef jerky, but I miss how it was before when I could exercise and do almost everything without feeling bad now anything I do and I feel bad, the truth is I'm getting sick of it Living like this sometimes makes me want to end this, I hate seeing that my dad is not well off financially and not being able to do anything to help him, I hate wanting to go to the gym and not being able to, I just want to have a normal life, I think about how my life could be If I didn't have this and it would be totally different and better, these days I've been feeling even worse but the only thing I think it could be is that I started taking accutane 1 month ago but I don't know if it has anything to do with it. Thank you very much for reading this, I could write much more but I would never finish.
submitted by Ok-Presentation-4424 to wolffparkinsonwhite [link] [comments]


2024.03.02 22:38 Jolly_Economics_9565 i’m so fucking sad i dont know what to do

basically what the title says. i don't don't what to do anymore. for some background i probably have depression, some sort of anxiety problem (both run in the family), adhd, (all three listed on medical redords and such, not self diagnosed or anything) and i wouldn't be surprised if there were other problems that never came up in therapy. i have a strong suspicion that ive developed an eating disorder, most likely mainly due to medications but probably other agents to trigger its start. ill eat "small" foods in big amounts, until im sick, sometimes ill take laxatives to get it out of my system. but if its a meal or something my appetite is non existent and i can barely get anything down. just looking at food would make me physically nauseous. im on zoloft, 50mg i think, but it doesn't seem to do anything. im also on adderall, 10mg, and spironolactone, 50mg (i used to have really bad acne, i did accutane so the spiro is just to make sure it stays away). im a student in high school. my mom passed away from breast cancer when i was 12, and though obviously it was very sad and hard for me, i don't think it affected me that much long term. except maybe that i learned to be independent from a young age. i don't have a good relationship with my dad. i've noticed that he's slowly becoming an alcoholic (also runs in the family.) ¡ can't bring myself to blame him. he lost his wife and has to raise three children all on his own. every conversation i have with him is either about grades or my mental state, and it almost always ends in an argument. i have two sisters. my fraternal twin sister is a minute younger than me. she's the exact opposite of me. she's valedictorian, fairly athletic, has hobbies like drumming and cooking, reads lot, and is always on top of things. my younger sister is the type of girl who would have bullied me in middle school. she's the youngest member of my generation in my family so naturally everyone loves her. im probably transgender but im so deep in the closet and i hate myself so much and i couldn't handle the social consequences of coming out or having to come out to my family (they would probably be supportive, i just hate that kind of stuff, it makes me feel disgusting in a way that especially sucks because i have no idea how to describe it) and i know many trans people that im friends with but im so ashamed by the fact i am. i think that covers everything. i rot in my room all day and when i go out i can barely manage a conversation because im so out of it. i can't find enjoyment in anything. absolutely nothing. i love music, i sing and play guitar and i would like to learn the piano and drums, but i can barely get around to practicing because i have zero fucking motivation. ill write lyrics and melodies in note app or voice memos but even when i think i cooked its all hot shit. i used to be very envolved in theater and loved the stage, but as if someone turn a faucet off it just became a nuisance and a waste of time and energy, not to mention extremely exhausting. i used to play video games a lot, and bake occasionally, and i probably had other hobbies i just dont remember but as much as i want to enjoy them and want to go do something i just can't. and on that note, every hobby i do have, im just not good at. i'll have friends or role models or favorite musicians that are just good. obviously not everyone is going to be hendrix but i feel so pathetic calling myself a musician when i really do suck and can't even get around to practicing. in primary school i was a "gifted" kid (which is a total bullshit system). my memory is really really awful but i do remember being able to complete all my work and draw or something for the rest of the day. but some time in middle school shit actually started to get hard and i guess i never developed studying or school habits. by freshman year i just didn't give a shit. it doesn't matter if i take an ap class or a freshman class, i'll still get no work done and do just as bad. i hate school. i know everyone hates school but it actually sucks the fucking life out of me. i just spend seven hours a day completely dissociated. that plus having to be around a lot of people and act like everything's cool is exhausting. i love my friends a real lot but i don't think im a good friend. i tend to cancel last minute since im too miserable to go out, and ill ask for homework or money or whatever and i feel really bad about it. sometimes ill go from being fine with them to in a split second being annoyed with everything that they do, the could simply be talking about their day or tapping their foot. ill also get really close with someone, and as if someone flicked a switch, suddenly become distant and even start to dislike them. i dont know why it happens and it really fucking sucks. it also makes me a fucking hypocrite because i have an immense fear of abandonment. on the topic of fears, i also and very image conscious and i hate being perceived, if that makes any sense, and am absolutely terrified of vulnerability. i am constantly aware of how i look, act, am wearing, am doing, what people might think about it, who's watching me, et cetera. im sure it makes me seem self absorbed and shallow, which i wouldn't say i am, but i have a biased perspective and i really wouldn't know. on vulnerability, i cant show any emotion. if i receive a compliment, i just stand there and awkwardly nod. it takes so much effort and energy and trust for me to simply say im not feeling good today. i have the emotional intelligence of a goldfish. if anyone ever comes to me needing help im like a deer in headlights. and if anyone tries to ask about my own emotions i completely shut down and get defensive and angry. i can't even identify emotion anymore. i push down as deep as i can and keep myself stoic. i just feel so static and ive been using sad to describe it but its so much more than that. i feel like a fruit with all the juice and pulp sucked out and replaced with old, dry, heavy liquor, shriveled up and left to rot. it's agony, just constant aching. emptiness that almost feels like constant boredom. it's pure, raw misery. i'm not trying to sound like a 2014 tumblr user got an oprah episode but i truly don't know how else to get the message across. the only emotion i can confidently identify is anger. which is really hard for me to control. i get mad over the smallest things. my sister will forget to put something away and i'll think about how much i hate her and want to beat the living shit out of her. and i feel extremely guilty about it but in the moment it gets masked by the anger and it just fuels it. im a bad person. I don't want to be, but im destructive. with everything ive described, i just dont give a shit about anything. i do things for my own interests. for the most part it's never personal, i just hate everything so much. and im extremely self aware. I know how bad i am but i can't bring myself to care enough to change it. i've almost felt permanently guilty for as long as i can remember. i don't know why that is, but im always very aware of what im doing and am terrified of being seen as rude, annoying, abrasive, etc. simply asking for water or directions or to borrow a pen is terrifying. therapy doesn't work on me and goes nowhere because i'm so terrified of vulnerability, and even then i can't even answer any questions or describe anything because is just don't fucking know. you would proabbly think that from reading all of this that i'm some kind of debbie downer, but around other people i've mastered the art of pretend. it's the only thing im good at. i have a facade that may have been a shell of what im supposed to be, but truthfully i known absolutely nothing about myself or my personality, i couldn't name three traits if you asked. i tend to come off as extroverted. which is true to an extent, i definitely need my space but people are entertaining, and certain persons really bring me joy. i try to be funny, i really couldn't tell you if i am or not. i'm obviously biased and have no grasp of perception. i really like to play dumb. by no means do i think im smart or anything, im fairly average, but ill often act like i dont know or understand things. i dont know why i do it. ¡ act energetic and i will talk a lot. i would say i would be perceived as passionate. but there's nothing behind it. i'm completely dissociated. as soon as i come home it all turns to dust and flies out the door. i'm a husk of a person. i get immense imposter syndrome from all of this. i live a good life. i live in a fairly stable household, where we can afford food and housing, and pleasantries. i've never had any traumatic things happen to me, at least not that i remember. but my memory is very very bad. anything from before the past year and a half is just blurry pictures and glimpses of scenes. the only things i do remember, and for some reason, quite well, are insignificant details. i could tell you everyone that was in my second grade class, but not the ones i was friends with. anyway, i don't feel like i have the means to feel so awful. i haven't found any good ways to cope. i watch sad films and listen to a great deal of sad music. and i get in too deep with it all. for this week's example, i read a very good article on one of, if not my most favorite musicians of all time, elliott smith's depression, career, and death (titled Mr. Misery, if anyone would like to read it), but it was a very hard read. he had a very sad and tragic life, but i also related to a lot of the stuff talked about and i guess it hit too close to home. but i'll watch another devastating movie or find another devastating song to cry over, to distract myself with, sooner or later. i'm probably developing a drug problem. it stating out as just hitting other people's shit when they offered, but if someone pulls out a vape or cig i'll ask for a few hits to get buzzed. weed puts me in a lighter state of mainly giggliness. so naturally it's something i'll crave. I'll also skip doses of adderall so at the end of the week or whatever i can take it all at once and get fucked. i'll pretty much take whatever i can get my hands on, but i've found myself craving it more and more. plug has been out of town but im counting down the days until he's back. i cut myself pretty much every night, with a pencil sharpener. ill usually cut for 10-20 minutes and then shower. I've never needed stitches or anything but i go deep enough where it bleeds a lot. i do it on my thighs because its easiest to hide there, but its going to start getting warmer soon and im nervous. somehow, except for the close friends ive talked to about it all, ive been able to keep it all a secret from everyone, including my dad. I'm worried if he does find out and sees how deep into it i already am it will not end well. yet all of that and it still doesn't fucking work. i'm still constantly with a lump in my throat, nauseous from how sad i am, dissociated, completely empty, or usually some combination. i think about suicide at least once an hour. it's always kind of in the back of my mind. i could be walking home, and my head will be full of images of a grotesque scene of my head crushed by a truck and my brains on the road. I'll pass by a windows and imagine myself slamming against the ground below. I'll see a large dose of a prescription drug and imagine downing all of it in 5 minutes. any sort of weapon, i'll imagine it at my throat. i want to die so so badly. I'm not scared of dying, or admittedly the consequences, but im scared that it will hurt. and there's nothing i can do about any of it. absolutely nothing. i have no fucking thing i can do.
i don't want to see any thing along the lines of "it gets better, people care", etc. i appreciate the sentiment but it does nothing. i just want a way out.
submitted by Jolly_Economics_9565 to teenagers [link] [comments]


2024.03.02 22:23 Jolly_Economics_9565 i’m so fucking sad i don’t know what to do

basically what the title says. i don't don't what to do anymore. for some background i probably have depression, some sort of anxiety problem (both run in the family), adhd, (all three listed on medical redords and such, not self diagnosed or anything) and i wouldn't be surprised if there were other problems that never came up in therapy. i have a strong suspicion that ive developed an eating disorder, most likely mainly due to medications but probably other agents to trigger its start. ill eat "small" foods in big amounts, until im sick, sometimes ill take laxatives to get it out of my system. but if its a meal or something my appetite is non existent and i can barely get anything down. just looking at food would make me physically nauseous. im on zoloft, 50mg i think, but it doesn't seem to do anything. im also on adderall, 10mg, and spironolactone, 50mg (i used to have really bad acne, i did accutane so the spiro is just to make sure it stays away). im a student in high school. my mom passed away from breast cancer when i was 12, and though obviously it was very sad and hard for me, i don't think it affected me that much long term. except maybe that i learned to be independent from a young age. i don't have a good relationship with my dad. i've noticed that he's slowly becoming an alcoholic (also runs in the family.) ¡ can't bring myself to blame him. he lost his wife and has to raise three children all on his own. every conversation i have with him is either about grades or my mental state, and it almost always ends in an argument. i have two sisters. my fraternal twin sister is a minute younger than me. she's the exact opposite of me. she's valedictorian, fairly athletic, has hobbies like drumming and cooking, reads lot, and is always on top of things. my younger sister is the type of girl who would have bullied me in middle school. she's the youngest member of my generation in my family so naturally everyone loves her. im probably transgender but im so deep in the closet and i hate myself so much and i couldn't handle the social consequences of coming out or having to come out to my family (they would probably be supportive, i just hate that kind of stuff, it makes me feel disgusting in a way that especially sucks because i have no idea how to describe it) and i know many trans people that im friends with but im so ashamed by the fact i am. i think that covers everything. i rot in my room all day and when i go out i can barely manage a conversation because im so out of it. i can't find enjoyment in anything. absolutely nothing. i love music, i sing and play guitar and i would like to learn the piano and drums, but i can barely get around to practicing because i have zero fucking motivation. ill write lyrics and melodies in note app or voice memos but even when i think i cooked its all hot shit. i used to be very envolved in theater and loved the stage, but as if someone turn a faucet off it just became a nuisance and a waste of time and energy, not to mention extremely exhausting. i used to play video games a lot, and bake occasionally, and i probably had other hobbies i just dont remember but as much as i want to enjoy them and want to go do something i just can't. and on that note, every hobby i do have, im just not good at. i'll have friends or role models or favorite musicians that are just good. obviously not everyone is going to be hendrix but i feel so pathetic calling myself a musician when i really do suck and can't even get around to practicing. in primary school i was a "gifted" kid (which is a total bullshit system). my memory is really really awful but i do remember being able to complete all my work and draw or something for the rest of the day. but some time in middle school shit actually started to get hard and i guess i never developed studying or school habits. by freshman year i just didn't give a shit. it doesn't matter if i take an ap class or a freshman class, i'll still get no work done and do just as bad. i hate school. i know everyone hates school but it actually sucks the fucking life out of me. i just spend seven hours a day completely dissociated. that plus having to be around a lot of people and act like everything's cool is exhausting. i love my friends a real lot but i don't think im a good friend. i tend to cancel last minute since im too miserable to go out, and ill ask for homework or money or whatever and i feel really bad about it. sometimes ill go from being fine with them to in a split second being annoyed with everything that they do, the could simply be talking about their day or tapping their foot. ill also get really close with someone, and as if someone flicked a switch, suddenly become distant and even start to dislike them. i dont know why it happens and it really fucking sucks. it also makes me a fucking hypocrite because i have an immense fear of abandonment. on the topic of fears, i also and very image conscious and i hate being perceived, if that makes any sense, and am absolutely terrified of vulnerability. i am constantly aware of how i look, act, am wearing, am doing, what people might think about it, who's watching me, et cetera. im sure it makes me seem self absorbed and shallow, which i wouldn't say i am, but i have a biased perspective and i really wouldn't know. on vulnerability, i cant show any emotion. if i receive a compliment, i just stand there and awkwardly nod. it takes so much effort and energy and trust for me to simply say im not feeling good today. i have the emotional intelligence of a goldfish. if anyone ever comes to me needing help im like a deer in headlights. and if anyone tries to ask about my own emotions i completely shut down and get defensive and angry. i can't even identify emotion anymore. i push down as deep as i can and keep myself stoic. i just feel so static and ive been using sad to describe it but its so much more than that. i feel like a fruit with all the juice and pulp sucked out and replaced with old, dry, heavy liquor, shriveled up and left to rot. it's agony, just constant aching. emptiness that almost feels like constant boredom. it's pure, raw misery. i'm not trying to sound like a 2014 tumblr user got an oprah episode but i truly don't know how else to get the message across. the only emotion i can confidently identify is anger. which is really hard for me to control. i get mad over the smallest things. my sister will forget to put something away and i'll think about how much i hate her and want to beat the living shit out of her. and i feel extremely guilty about it but in the moment it gets masked by the anger and it just fuels it. im a bad person. I don't want to be, but im destructive. with everything ive described, i just dont give a shit about anything. i do things for my own interests. for the most part it's never personal, i just hate everything so much. and im extremely self aware. I know how bad i am but i can't bring myself to care enough to change it. i've almost felt permanently guilty for as long as i can remember. i don't know why that is, but im always very aware of what im doing and am terrified of being seen as rude, annoying, abrasive, etc. simply asking for water or directions or to borrow a pen is terrifying. therapy doesn't work on me and goes nowhere because i'm so terrified of vulnerability, and even then i can't even answer any questions or describe anything because is just don't fucking know. you would proabbly think that from reading all of this that i'm some kind of debbie downer, but around other people i've mastered the art of pretend. it's the only thing im good at. i have a facade that may have been a shell of what im supposed to be, but truthfully i known absolutely nothing about myself or my personality, i couldn't name three traits if you asked. i tend to come off as extroverted. which is true to an extent, i definitely need my space but people are entertaining, and certain persons really bring me joy. i try to be funny, i really couldn't tell you if i am or not. i'm obviously biased and have no grasp of perception. i really like to play dumb. by no means do i think im smart or anything, im fairly average, but ill often act like i dont know or understand things. i dont know why i do it. ¡ act energetic and i will talk a lot. i would say i would be perceived as passionate. but there's nothing behind it. i'm completely dissociated. as soon as i come home it all turns to dust and flies out the door. i'm a husk of a person. i get immense imposter syndrome from all of this. i live a good life. i live in a fairly stable household, where we can afford food and housing, and pleasantries. i've never had any traumatic things happen to me, at least not that i remember. but my memory is very very bad. anything from before the past year and a half is just blurry pictures and glimpses of scenes. the only things i do remember, and for some reason, quite well, are insignificant details. i could tell you everyone that was in my second grade class, but not the ones i was friends with. anyway, i don't feel like i have the means to feel so awful. i haven't found any good ways to cope. i watch sad films and listen to a great deal of sad music. and i get in too deep with it all. for this week's example, i read a very good article on one of, if not my most favorite musicians of all time, elliott smith's depression, career, and death (titled Mr. Misery, if anyone would like to read it), but it was a very hard read. he had a very sad and tragic life, but i also related to a lot of the stuff talked about and i guess it hit too close to home. but i'll watch another devastating movie or find another devastating song to cry over, to distract myself with, sooner or later. i'm probably developing a drug problem. it stating out as just hitting other people's shit when they offered, but if someone pulls out a vape or cig i'll ask for a few hits to get buzzed. weed puts me in a lighter state of mainly giggliness. so naturally it's something i'll crave. I'll also skip doses of adderall so at the end of the week or whatever i can take it all at once and get fucked. i'll pretty much take whatever i can get my hands on, but i've found myself craving it more and more. plug has been out of town but im counting down the days until he's back. i cut myself pretty much every night, with a pencil sharpener. ill usually cut for 10-20 minutes and then shower. I've never needed stitches or anything but i go deep enough where it bleeds a lot. i do it on my thighs because its easiest to hide there, but its going to start getting warmer soon and im nervous. somehow, except for the close friends ive talked to about it all, ive been able to keep it all a secret from everyone, including my dad. I'm worried if he does find out and sees how deep into it i already am it will not end well. yet all of that and it still doesn't fucking work. i'm still constantly with a lump in my throat, nauseous from how sad i am, dissociated, completely empty, or usually some combination. i think about suicide at least once an hour. it's always kind of in the back of my mind. i could be walking home, and my head will be full of images of a grotesque scene of my head crushed by a truck and my brains on the road. I'll pass by a windows and imagine myself slamming against the ground below. I'll see a large dose of a prescription drug and imagine downing all of it in 5 minutes. any sort of weapon, i'll imagine it at my throat. i want to die so so badly. I'm not scared of dying, or admittedly the consequences, but im scared that it will hurt. and there's nothing i can do about any of it. absolutely nothing. i have no fucking thing i can do.
i don't want to see any thing along the lines of "it gets better, people care", etc. i appreciate the sentiment but it does nothing. i just want a way out.
submitted by Jolly_Economics_9565 to confessions [link] [comments]


2024.03.02 22:16 Jolly_Economics_9565 i’m so fucking sad i dont know what to do

basically what the title says. i don't don't what to do anymore. for some background i probably have depression, some sort of anxiety problem (both run in the family), adhd, (all three listed on medical redords and such, not self diagnosed or anything) and i wouldn't be surprised if there were other problems that never came up in therapy. i have a strong suspicion that ive developed an eating disorder, most likely mainly due to medications but probably other agents to trigger its start. ill eat "small" foods in big amounts, until im sick, sometimes ill take laxatives to get it out of my system. but if its a meal or something my appetite is non existent and i can barely get anything down. just looking at food would make me physically nauseous. im on zoloft, 50mg i think, but it doesn't seem to do anything. im also on adderall, 10mg, and spironolactone, 50mg (i used to have really bad acne, i did accutane so the spiro is just to make sure it stays away). im a student in high school. my mom passed away from breast cancer when i was 12, and though obviously it was very sad and hard for me, i don't think it affected me that much long term. except maybe that i learned to be independent from a young age. i don't have a good relationship with my dad. i've noticed that he's slowly becoming an alcoholic (also runs in the family.) ¡ can't bring myself to blame him. he lost his wife and has to raise three children all on his own. every conversation i have with him is either about grades or my mental state, and it almost always ends in an argument. i have two sisters. my fraternal twin sister is a minute younger than me. she's the exact opposite of me. she's valedictorian, fairly athletic, has hobbies like drumming and cooking, reads lot, and is always on top of things. my younger sister is the type of girl who would have bullied me in middle school. she's the youngest member of my generation in my family so naturally everyone loves her. im probably transgender but im so deep in the closet and i hate myself so much and i couldn't handle the social consequences of coming out or having to come out to my family (they would probably be supportive, i just hate that kind of stuff, it makes me feel disgusting in a way that especially sucks because i have no idea how to describe it) and i know many trans people that im friends with but im so ashamed by the fact i am. i think that covers everything. i rot in my room all day and when i go out i can barely manage a conversation because im so out of it. i can't find enjoyment in anything. absolutely nothing. i love music, i sing and play guitar and i would like to learn the piano and drums, but i can barely get around to practicing because i have zero fucking motivation. ill write lyrics and melodies in note app or voice memos but even when i think i cooked its all hot shit. i used to be very envolved in theater and loved the stage, but as if someone turn a faucet off it just became a nuisance and a waste of time and energy, not to mention extremely exhausting. i used to play video games a lot, and bake occasionally, and i probably had other hobbies i just dont remember but as much as i want to enjoy them and want to go do something i just can't. and on that note, every hobby i do have, im just not good at. i'll have friends or role models or favorite musicians that are just good. obviously not everyone is going to be hendrix but i feel so pathetic calling myself a musician when i really do suck and can't even get around to practicing. in primary school i was a "gifted" kid (which is a total bullshit system). my memory is really really awful but i do remember being able to complete all my work and draw or something for the rest of the day. but some time in middle school shit actually started to get hard and i guess i never developed studying or school habits. by freshman year i just didn't give a shit. it doesn't matter if i take an ap class or a freshman class, i'll still get no work done and do just as bad. i hate school. i know everyone hates school but it actually sucks the fucking life out of me. i just spend seven hours a day completely dissociated. that plus having to be around a lot of people and act like everything's cool is exhausting. i love my friends a real lot but i don't think im a good friend. i tend to cancel last minute since im too miserable to go out, and ill ask for homework or money or whatever and i feel really bad about it. sometimes ill go from being fine with them to in a split second being annoyed with everything that they do, the could simply be talking about their day or tapping their foot. ill also get really close with someone, and as if someone flicked a switch, suddenly become distant and even start to dislike them. i dont know why it happens and it really fucking sucks. it also makes me a fucking hypocrite because i have an immense fear of abandonment. on the topic of fears, i also and very image conscious and i hate being perceived, if that makes any sense, and am absolutely terrified of vulnerability. i am constantly aware of how i look, act, am wearing, am doing, what people might think about it, who's watching me, et cetera. im sure it makes me seem self absorbed and shallow, which i wouldn't say i am, but i have a biased perspective and i really wouldn't know. on vulnerability, i cant show any emotion. if i receive a compliment, i just stand there and awkwardly nod. it takes so much effort and energy and trust for me to simply say im not feeling good today. i have the emotional intelligence of a goldfish. if anyone ever comes to me needing help im like a deer in headlights. and if anyone tries to ask about my own emotions i completely shut down and get defensive and angry. i can't even identify emotion anymore. i push down as deep as i can and keep myself stoic. i just feel so static and ive been using sad to describe it but its so much more than that. i feel like a fruit with all the juice and pulp sucked out and replaced with old, dry, heavy liquor, shriveled up and left to rot. it's agony, just constant aching. emptiness that almost feels like constant boredom. it's pure, raw misery. i'm not trying to sound like a 2014 tumblr user got an oprah episode but i truly don't know how else to get the message across. the only emotion i can confidently identify is anger. which is really hard for me to control. i get mad over the smallest things. my sister will forget to put something away and i'll think about how much i hate her and want to beat the living shit out of her. and i feel extremely guilty about it but in the moment it gets masked by the anger and it just fuels it. im a bad person. I don't want to be, but im destructive. with everything ive described, i just dont give a shit about anything. i do things for my own interests. for the most part it's never personal, i just hate everything so much. and im extremely self aware. I know how bad i am but i can't bring myself to care enough to change it. i've almost felt permanently guilty for as long as i can remember. i don't know why that is, but im always very aware of what im doing and am terrified of being seen as rude, annoying, abrasive, etc. simply asking for water or directions or to borrow a pen is terrifying. therapy doesn't work on me and goes nowhere because i'm so terrified of vulnerability, and even then i can't even answer any questions or describe anything because is just don't fucking know. you would proabbly think that from reading all of this that i'm some kind of debbie downer, but around other people i've mastered the art of pretend. it's the only thing im good at. i have a facade that may have been a shell of what im supposed to be, but truthfully i known absolutely nothing about myself or my personality, i couldn't name three traits if you asked. i tend to come off as extroverted. which is true to an extent, i definitely need my space but people are entertaining, and certain persons really bring me joy. i try to be funny, i really couldn't tell you if i am or not. i'm obviously biased and have no grasp of perception. i really like to play dumb. by no means do i think im smart or anything, im fairly average, but ill often act like i dont know or understand things. i dont know why i do it. ¡ act energetic and i will talk a lot. i would say i would be perceived as passionate. but there's nothing behind it. i'm completely dissociated. as soon as i come home it all turns to dust and flies out the door. i'm a husk of a person. i get immense imposter syndrome from all of this. i live a good life. i live in a fairly stable household, where we can afford food and housing, and pleasantries. i've never had any traumatic things happen to me, at least not that i remember. but my memory is very very bad. anything from before the past year and a half is just blurry pictures and glimpses of scenes. the only things i do remember, and for some reason, quite well, are insignificant details. i could tell you everyone that was in my second grade class, but not the ones i was friends with. anyway, i don't feel like i have the means to feel so awful. i haven't found any good ways to cope. i watch sad films and listen to a great deal of sad music. and i get in too deep with it all. for this week's example, i read a very good article on one of, if not my most favorite musicians of all time, elliott smith's depression, career, and death (titled Mr. Misery, if anyone would like to read it), but it was a very hard read. he had a very sad and tragic life, but i also related to a lot of the stuff talked about and i guess it hit too close to home. but i'll watch another devastating movie or find another devastating song to cry over, to distract myself with, sooner or later. i'm probably developing a drug problem. it stating out as just hitting other people's shit when they offered, but if someone pulls out a vape or cig i'll ask for a few hits to get buzzed. weed puts me in a lighter state of mainly giggliness. so naturally it's something i'll crave. I'll also skip doses of adderall so at the end of the week or whatever i can take it all at once and get fucked. i'll pretty much take whatever i can get my hands on, but i've found myself craving it more and more. plug has been out of town but im counting down the days until he's back. i cut myself pretty much every night, with a pencil sharpener. ill usually cut for 10-20 minutes and then shower. I've never needed stitches or anything but i go deep enough where it bleeds a lot. i do it on my thighs because its easiest to hide there, but its going to start getting warmer soon and im nervous. somehow, except for the close friends ive talked to about it all, ive been able to keep it all a secret from everyone, including my dad. I'm worried if he does find out and sees how deep into it i already am it will not end well. yet all of that and it still doesn't fucking work. i'm still constantly with a lump in my throat, nauseous from how sad i am, dissociated, completely empty, or usually some combination. i think about suicide at least once an hour. it's always kind of in the back of my mind. i could be walking home, and my head will be full of images of a grotesque scene of my head crushed by a truck and my brains on the road. I'll pass by a windows and imagine myself slamming against the ground below. I'll see a large dose of a prescription drug and imagine downing all of it in 5 minutes. any sort of weapon, i'll imagine it at my throat. i want to die so so badly. I'm not scared of dying, or admittedly the consequences, but im scared that it will hurt. and there's nothing i can do about any of it. absolutely nothing. i have no fucking thing i can do.
i don't want to see any thing along the lines of "it gets better, people care", etc. i appreciate the sentiment but it does nothing. i just want a way out.
submitted by Jolly_Economics_9565 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]


2024.03.02 22:14 Jolly_Economics_9565 i’m so fucking sad i dont know what to do

basically what the title says. i don't don't what to do anymore. for some background i probably have depression, some sort of anxiety problem (both run in the family), adhd, (all three listed on medical redords and such, not self diagnosed or anything) and i wouldn't be surprised if there were other problems that never came up in therapy. i have a strong suspicion that ive developed an eating disorder, most likely mainly due to medications but probably other agents to trigger its start. ill eat "small" foods in big amounts, until im sick, sometimes ill take laxatives to get it out of my system. but if its a meal or something my appetite is non existent and i can barely get anything down. just looking at food would make me physically nauseous. im on zoloft, 50mg i think, but it doesn't seem to do anything. im also on adderall, 10mg, and spironolactone, 50mg (i used to have really bad acne, i did accutane so the spiro is just to make sure it stays away). im a student in high school. my mom passed away from breast cancer when i was 12, and though obviously it was very sad and hard for me, i don't think it affected me that much long term. except maybe that i learned to be independent from a young age. i don't have a good relationship with my dad. i've noticed that he's slowly becoming an alcoholic (also runs in the family.) ¡ can't bring myself to blame him. he lost his wife and has to raise three children all on his own. every conversation i have with him is either about grades or my mental state, and it almost always ends in an argument. i have two sisters. my fraternal twin sister is a minute younger than me. she's the exact opposite of me. she's valedictorian, fairly athletic, has hobbies like drumming and cooking, reads lot, and is always on top of things. my younger sister is the type of girl who would have bullied me in middle school. she's the youngest member of my generation in my family so naturally everyone loves her. im probably transgender but im so deep in the closet and i hate myself so much and i couldn't handle the social consequences of coming out or having to come out to my family (they would probably be supportive, i just hate that kind of stuff, it makes me feel disgusting in a way that especially sucks because i have no idea how to describe it) and i know many trans people that im friends with but im so ashamed by the fact i am. i think that covers everything. i rot in my room all day and when i go out i can barely manage a conversation because im so out of it. i can't find enjoyment in anything. absolutely nothing. i love music, i sing and play guitar and i would like to learn the piano and drums, but i can barely get around to practicing because i have zero fucking motivation. ill write lyrics and melodies in note app or voice memos but even when i think i cooked its all hot shit. i used to be very envolved in theater and loved the stage, but as if someone turn a faucet off it just became a nuisance and a waste of time and energy, not to mention extremely exhausting. i used to play video games a lot, and bake occasionally, and i probably had other hobbies i just dont remember but as much as i want to enjoy them and want to go do something i just can't. and on that note, every hobby i do have, im just not good at. i'll have friends or role models or favorite musicians that are just good. obviously not everyone is going to be hendrix but i feel so pathetic calling myself a musician when i really do suck and can't even get around to practicing. in primary school i was a "gifted" kid (which is a total bullshit system). my memory is really really awful but i do remember being able to complete all my work and draw or something for the rest of the day. but some time in middle school shit actually started to get hard and i guess i never developed studying or school habits. by freshman year i just didn't give a shit. it doesn't matter if i take an ap class or a freshman class, i'll still get no work done and do just as bad. i hate school. i know everyone hates school but it actually sucks the fucking life out of me. i just spend seven hours a day completely dissociated. that plus having to be around a lot of people and act like everything's cool is exhausting. i love my friends a real lot but i don't think im a good friend. i tend to cancel last minute since im too miserable to go out, and ill ask for homework or money or whatever and i feel really bad about it. sometimes ill go from being fine with them to in a split second being annoyed with everything that they do, the could simply be talking about their day or tapping their foot. ill also get really close with someone, and as if someone flicked a switch, suddenly become distant and even start to dislike them. i dont know why it happens and it really fucking sucks. it also makes me a fucking hypocrite because i have an immense fear of abandonment. on the topic of fears, i also and very image conscious and i hate being perceived, if that makes any sense, and am absolutely terrified of vulnerability. i am constantly aware of how i look, act, am wearing, am doing, what people might think about it, who's watching me, et cetera. im sure it makes me seem self absorbed and shallow, which i wouldn't say i am, but i have a biased perspective and i really wouldn't know. on vulnerability, i cant show any emotion. if i receive a compliment, i just stand there and awkwardly nod. it takes so much effort and energy and trust for me to simply say im not feeling good today. i have the emotional intelligence of a goldfish. if anyone ever comes to me needing help im like a deer in headlights. and if anyone tries to ask about my own emotions i completely shut down and get defensive and angry. i can't even identify emotion anymore. i push down as deep as i can and keep myself stoic. i just feel so static and ive been using sad to describe it but its so much more than that. i feel like a fruit with all the juice and pulp sucked out and replaced with old, dry, heavy liquor, shriveled up and left to rot. it's agony, just constant aching. emptiness that almost feels like constant boredom. it's pure, raw misery. i'm not trying to sound like a 2014 tumblr user got an oprah episode but i truly don't know how else to get the message across. the only emotion i can confidently identify is anger. which is really hard for me to control. i get mad over the smallest things. my sister will forget to put something away and i'll think about how much i hate her and want to beat the living shit out of her. and i feel extremely guilty about it but in the moment it gets masked by the anger and it just fuels it. im a bad person. I don't want to be, but im destructive. with everything ive described, i just dont give a shit about anything. i do things for my own interests. for the most part it's never personal, i just hate everything so much. and im extremely self aware. I know how bad i am but i can't bring myself to care enough to change it. i've almost felt permanently guilty for as long as i can remember. i don't know why that is, but im always very aware of what im doing and am terrified of being seen as rude, annoying, abrasive, etc. simply asking for water or directions or to borrow a pen is terrifying. therapy doesn't work on me and goes nowhere because i'm so terrified of vulnerability, and even then i can't even answer any questions or describe anything because is just don't fucking know. you would proabbly think that from reading all of this that i'm some kind of debbie downer, but around other people i've mastered the art of pretend. it's the only thing im good at. i have a facade that may have been a shell of what im supposed to be, but truthfully i known absolutely nothing about myself or my personality, i couldn't name three traits if you asked. i tend to come off as extroverted. which is true to an extent, i definitely need my space but people are entertaining, and certain persons really bring me joy. i try to be funny, i really couldn't tell you if i am or not. i'm obviously biased and have no grasp of perception. i really like to play dumb. by no means do i think im smart or anything, im fairly average, but ill often act like i dont know or understand things. i dont know why i do it. ¡ act energetic and i will talk a lot. i would say i would be perceived as passionate. but there's nothing behind it. i'm completely dissociated. as soon as i come home it all turns to dust and flies out the door. i'm a husk of a person. i get immense imposter syndrome from all of this. i live a good life. i live in a fairly stable household, where we can afford food and housing, and pleasantries. i've never had any traumatic things happen to me, at least not that i remember. but my memory is very very bad. anything from before the past year and a half is just blurry pictures and glimpses of scenes. the only things i do remember, and for some reason, quite well, are insignificant details. i could tell you everyone that was in my second grade class, but not the ones i was friends with. anyway, i don't feel like i have the means to feel so awful. i haven't found any good ways to cope. i watch sad films and listen to a great deal of sad music. and i get in too deep with it all. for this week's example, i read a very good article on one of, if not my most favorite musicians of all time, elliott smith's depression, career, and death (titled Mr. Misery, if anyone would like to read it), but it was a very hard read. he had a very sad and tragic life, but i also related to a lot of the stuff talked about and i guess it hit too close to home. but i'll watch another devastating movie or find another devastating song to cry over, to distract myself with, sooner or later. i'm probably developing a drug problem. it stating out as just hitting other people's shit when they offered, but if someone pulls out a vape or cig i'll ask for a few hits to get buzzed. weed puts me in a lighter state of mainly giggliness. so naturally it's something i'll crave. I'll also skip doses of adderall so at the end of the week or whatever i can take it all at once and get fucked. i'll pretty much take whatever i can get my hands on, but i've found myself craving it more and more. plug has been out of town but im counting down the days until he's back. i cut myself pretty much every night, with a pencil sharpener. ill usually cut for 10-20 minutes and then shower. I've never needed stitches or anything but i go deep enough where it bleeds a lot. i do it on my thighs because its easiest to hide there, but its going to start getting warmer soon and im nervous. somehow, except for the close friends ive talked to about it all, ive been able to keep it all a secret from everyone, including my dad. I'm worried if he does find out and sees how deep into it i already am it will not end well. yet all of that and it still doesn't fucking work. i'm still constantly with a lump in my throat, nauseous from how sad i am, dissociated, completely empty, or usually some combination. i think about suicide at least once an hour. it's always kind of in the back of my mind. i could be walking home, and my head will be full of images of a grotesque scene of my head crushed by a truck and my brains on the road. I'll pass by a windows and imagine myself slamming against the ground below. I'll see a large dose of a prescription drug and imagine downing all of it in 5 minutes. any sort of weapon, i'll imagine it at my throat. i want to die so so badly. I'm not scared of dying, or admittedly the consequences, but im scared that it will hurt. and there's nothing i can do about any of it. absolutely nothing. i have no fucking thing i can do.
i don't want to see any thing along the lines of "it gets better, people care", etc. i appreciate the sentiment but it does nothing. i just want a way out.
submitted by Jolly_Economics_9565 to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.03.02 22:11 Jolly_Economics_9565 i’m so fucking sad i dont know what to do

basically what the title says. i don't don't what to do anymore. for some background i probably have depression, some sort of anxiety problem (both run in the family), adhd, (all three listed on medical redords and such, not self diagnosed or anything) and i wouldn't be surprised if there were other problems that never came up in therapy. i have a strong suspicion that ive developed an eating disorder, most likely mainly due to medications but probably other agents to trigger its start. ill eat "small" foods in big amounts, until im sick, sometimes ill take laxatives to get it out of my system. but if its a meal or something my appetite is non existent and i can barely get anything down. just looking at food would make me physically nauseous. im on zoloft, 50mg i think, but it doesn't seem to do anything. im also on adderall, 10mg, and spironolactone, 50mg (i used to have really bad acne, i did accutane so the spiro is just to make sure it stays away). im a student in high school. my mom passed away from breast cancer when i was 12, and though obviously it was very sad and hard for me, i don't think it affected me that much long term. except maybe that i learned to be independent from a young age. i don't have a good relationship with my dad. i've noticed that he's slowly becoming an alcoholic (also runs in the family.) ¡ can't bring myself to blame him. he lost his wife and has to raise three children all on his own. every conversation i have with him is either about grades or my mental state, and it almost always ends in an argument. i have two sisters. my fraternal twin sister is a minute younger than me. she's the exact opposite of me. she's valedictorian, fairly athletic, has hobbies like drumming and cooking, reads lot, and is always on top of things. my younger sister is the type of girl who would have bullied me in middle school. she's the youngest member of my generation in my family so naturally everyone loves her. im probably transgender but im so deep in the closet and i hate myself so much and i couldn't handle the social consequences of coming out or having to come out to my family (they would probably be supportive, i just hate that kind of stuff, it makes me feel disgusting in a way that especially sucks because i have no idea how to describe it) and i know many trans people that im friends with but im so ashamed by the fact i am. i think that covers everything. i rot in my room all day and when i go out i can barely manage a conversation because im so out of it. i can't find enjoyment in anything. absolutely nothing. i love music, i sing and play guitar and i would like to learn the piano and drums, but i can barely get around to practicing because i have zero fucking motivation. ill write lyrics and melodies in note app or voice memos but even when i think i cooked its all hot shit. i used to be very envolved in theater and loved the stage, but as if someone turn a faucet off it just became a nuisance and a waste of time and energy, not to mention extremely exhausting. i used to play video games a lot, and bake occasionally, and i probably had other hobbies i just dont remember but as much as i want to enjoy them and want to go do something i just can't. and on that note, every hobby i do have, im just not good at. i'll have friends or role models or favorite musicians that are just good. obviously not everyone is going to be hendrix but i feel so pathetic calling myself a musician when i really do suck and can't even get around to practicing. in primary school i was a "gifted" kid (which is a total bullshit system). my memory is really really awful but i do remember being able to complete all my work and draw or something for the rest of the day. but some time in middle school shit actually started to get hard and i guess i never developed studying or school habits. by freshman year i just didn't give a shit. it doesn't matter if i take an ap class or a freshman class, i'll still get no work done and do just as bad. i hate school. i know everyone hates school but it actually sucks the fucking life out of me. i just spend seven hours a day completely dissociated. that plus having to be around a lot of people and act like everything's cool is exhausting. i love my friends a real lot but i don't think im a good friend. i tend to cancel last minute since im too miserable to go out, and ill ask for homework or money or whatever and i feel really bad about it. sometimes ill go from being fine with them to in a split second being annoyed with everything that they do, the could simply be talking about their day or tapping their foot. ill also get really close with someone, and as if someone flicked a switch, suddenly become distant and even start to dislike them. i dont know why it happens and it really fucking sucks. it also makes me a fucking hypocrite because i have an immense fear of abandonment. on the topic of fears, i also and very image conscious and i hate being perceived, if that makes any sense, and am absolutely terrified of vulnerability. i am constantly aware of how i look, act, am wearing, am doing, what people might think about it, who's watching me, et cetera. im sure it makes me seem self absorbed and shallow, which i wouldn't say i am, but i have a biased perspective and i really wouldn't know. on vulnerability, i cant show any emotion. if i receive a compliment, i just stand there and awkwardly nod. it takes so much effort and energy and trust for me to simply say im not feeling good today. i have the emotional intelligence of a goldfish. if anyone ever comes to me needing help im like a deer in headlights. and if anyone tries to ask about my own emotions i completely shut down and get defensive and angry. i can't even identify emotion anymore. i push down as deep as i can and keep myself stoic. i just feel so static and ive been using sad to describe it but its so much more than that. i feel like a fruit with all the juice and pulp sucked out and replaced with old, dry, heavy liquor, shriveled up and left to rot. it's agony, just constant aching. emptiness that almost feels like constant boredom. it's pure, raw misery. i'm not trying to sound like a 2014 tumblr user got an oprah episode but i truly don't know how else to get the message across. the only emotion i can confidently identify is anger. which is really hard for me to control. i get mad over the smallest things. my sister will forget to put something away and i'll think about how much i hate her and want to beat the living shit out of her. and i feel extremely guilty about it but in the moment it gets masked by the anger and it just fuels it. im a bad person. I don't want to be, but im destructive. with everything ive described, i just dont give a shit about anything. i do things for my own interests. for the most part it's never personal, i just hate everything so much. and im extremely self aware. I know how bad i am but i can't bring myself to care enough to change it. i've almost felt permanently guilty for as long as i can remember. i don't know why that is, but im always very aware of what im doing and am terrified of being seen as rude, annoying, abrasive, etc. simply asking for water or directions or to borrow a pen is terrifying. therapy doesn't work on me and goes nowhere because i'm so terrified of vulnerability, and even then i can't even answer any questions or describe anything because is just don't fucking know. you would proabbly think that from reading all of this that i'm some kind of debbie downer, but around other people i've mastered the art of pretend. it's the only thing im good at. i have a facade that may have been a shell of what im supposed to be, but truthfully i known absolutely nothing about myself or my personality, i couldn't name three traits if you asked. i tend to come off as extroverted. which is true to an extent, i definitely need my space but people are entertaining, and certain persons really bring me joy. i try to be funny, i really couldn't tell you if i am or not. i'm obviously biased and have no grasp of perception. i really like to play dumb. by no means do i think im smart or anything, im fairly average, but ill often act like i dont know or understand things. i dont know why i do it. ¡ act energetic and i will talk a lot. i would say i would be perceived as passionate. but there's nothing behind it. i'm completely dissociated. as soon as i come home it all turns to dust and flies out the door. i'm a husk of a person. i get immense imposter syndrome from all of this. i live a good life. i live in a fairly stable household, where we can afford food and housing, and pleasantries. i've never had any traumatic things happen to me, at least not that i remember. but my memory is very very bad. anything from before the past year and a half is just blurry pictures and glimpses of scenes. the only things i do remember, and for some reason, quite well, are insignificant details. i could tell you everyone that was in my second grade class, but not the ones i was friends with. anyway, i don't feel like i have the means to feel so awful. i haven't found any good ways to cope. i watch sad films and listen to a great deal of sad music. and i get in too deep with it all. for this week's example, i read a very good article on one of, if not my most favorite musicians of all time, elliott smith's depression, career, and death (titled Mr. Misery, if anyone would like to read it), but it was a very hard read. he had a very sad and tragic life, but i also related to a lot of the stuff talked about and i guess it hit too close to home. but i'll watch another devastating movie or find another devastating song to cry over, to distract myself with, sooner or later. i'm probably developing a drug problem. it stating out as just hitting other people's shit when they offered, but if someone pulls out a vape or cig i'll ask for a few hits to get buzzed. weed puts me in a lighter state of mainly giggliness. so naturally it's something i'll crave. I'll also skip doses of adderall so at the end of the week or whatever i can take it all at once and get fucked. i'll pretty much take whatever i can get my hands on, but i've found myself craving it more and more. plug has been out of town but im counting down the days until he's back. i cut myself pretty much every night, with a pencil sharpener. ill usually cut for 10-20 minutes and then shower. I've never needed stitches or anything but i go deep enough where it bleeds a lot. i do it on my thighs because its easiest to hide there, but its going to start getting warmer soon and im nervous. somehow, except for the close friends ive talked to about it all, ive been able to keep it all a secret from everyone, including my dad. I'm worried if he does find out and sees how deep into it i already am it will not end well. yet all of that and it still doesn't fucking work. i'm still constantly with a lump in my throat, nauseous from how sad i am, dissociated, completely empty, or usually some combination. i think about suicide at least once an hour. it's always kind of in the back of my mind. i could be walking home, and my head will be full of images of a grotesque scene of my head crushed by a truck and my brains on the road. I'll pass by a windows and imagine myself slamming against the ground below. I'll see a large dose of a prescription drug and imagine downing all of it in 5 minutes. any sort of weapon, i'll imagine it at my throat. i want to die so so badly. I'm not scared of dying, or admittedly the consequences, but im scared that it will hurt. and there's nothing i can do about any of it. absolutely nothing. i have no fucking thing i can do.
i don't want to see any thing along the lines of "it gets better, people care", etc. i appreciate the sentiment but it does nothing. i just want a way out.
submitted by Jolly_Economics_9565 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2024.02.23 06:28 Repulsive-Fennel-188 Have been off accutane for 2 years- ask me anything

I am a 25yo female who started accutane 2.5 years ago for truthfully mild, but persistent acne mostly on my shoulders. I had a grueling 6 month journey on it, where my body ached and my heels hurt so bad it was difficult to walk toward the end. However, I am pleased to report that my shoulder acne left and has not returned, and as an added bonus, the sebaceous filaments all over my nose shrank significantly (no longer need to fuss with pore strips!). My hair also was no longer oily, unfortunately however, ~1.5years after finishing treatment it my scalp did start to get oily again. Since I have finished treatment and had a few years to settle afterwards, I wanted to post this to ask if anyone had any questions or wanted to know about my experience with accutane!
submitted by Repulsive-Fennel-188 to Accutane [link] [comments]


2024.02.02 20:51 Defiant_Smile3703 Day 1 vs Day 30

I’ve been on accutane for 30 days (40mg) and wow. It’s been kind of a roller coaster in the best way.
Like many of you I was concerned of the side effects that you hear about. Truthfully, I haven’t gone through much of anything other than feeling very dehydrated, and a few mood swings but nothing too intense. I would like to just give some advice to people that may not know what to initially expect.
First and foremost, you will need Chapstick everywhere you go. Buy bulk chapstick from Amazon or the dollar store and have it placed throughout your home purse backpack and pockets at all times - your lips will never feel this dehydrated I promise you. From what my dermatologist told me, only about one and four people actually perge. I was one of those lucky people that didn’t purge very much. I got a handful whiteheads come to the surface, but disappeared fairly quickly, in about a day or two. I would compare it to an annoying breakout that you get before a stressful day or right before your period. Buying those pimple patches really help with not picking at your skin as you’ll notice your skin stays red very long even if you just lay in place for some time. For people like myself that have combination skin, you’ll notice that your dry spots will definitely start to peel, make sure you use some sort of very hydrating moisturizer at nightime on those spots. I’ve been going back-and-forth with petroleum jelly and Neosporin as I notice it sticks to my skin throughout the night.
Use a humidifier at night time!! It helps so much keep some moisture on your face as you sleep. I know for us oily people we think that our skin can never get this dry, but it definitely happens and it’s actually kind of nice for a change not having so much build up oil on your face, but you definitely want to maintain some moisture & it happens very quickly that all the oil leaves your skin. So be prepared.
Last but not least, I would suggest taking omega 3s as I have yet to experience abnormal joint pain. I take it everyday right before my medication and I honestly think it makes a difference. I work in healthcare and am running around all day and using lots of physical strength. This was one of my biggest concerns as I get bad back pain on the regular.
And I know this isn’t skincare related lol but I’ve noticed that I can go a full week without washing my hair and my hair still looks amazing. I used to have to wash my hair every other day or every day because of my oily scalp.
They are definitely lots of pros and cons when taking this medication and it is a little bit of a nuisance, but honestly, I have noticed such a big difference in such a short amount of time. The pros outweigh the cons 10 fold.
submitted by Defiant_Smile3703 to Accutane [link] [comments]


2024.01.19 14:13 swill1985 Questions from a Newbie, arriving at carnivore for health reasons

Hi Guys,
I’m from the UK and new to this and about to embark on a journey of carnivore, and in truth approaching it from a place of desperation to save my life and reclaim some quality of life.
I was hit in March 2021 at age 35 with crippling anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation from out of nowhere, having never suffered with mental health a day in my life. I’m talking unable to wash and too overwhelmed to take out the trash, unable to think straight or focus on anything and unable to take joy from any of my previous hobbies. The only health issues I had prior to this was sub optimal hormones and low libido.
After a long journey, I was diagnosed with a bunch of chronic health issues at the end of 2021, including lyme disease with co-infections, potential long covid/vaxx injury, mold toxicity, heavy metal toxicity and I took some medications in my early 20’s that are very problematic and could have affected things, finasteride and Accutane.
I’ve spent 6 figures of money I don’t really have and thrown the kitchen sink at trying to get well, having treatments all over the world. I’ve tried antibiotics with famous lyme docs, full body hyperthermia, mesenchymal stem cell therapy, and a million things in between including things like HBOT, O zone, other medications, boat loads of supplement/herbals and various diets (aside from keto/carnivore to date, but always eating GF/DF and organic).
Most recently, I completed two 9 day dry fasts (October and December) and have just had a stellate ganglion block procedure to try and help nervous system, which looks like it has failed. Most treatments have not worked at best or made things much worse at worst.
The most notable thing is that when did the enemas and undertook the dry fasting and my stomach/colon was empty, a lot of my intense ‘mechanical misfiring’ anxiety and depressive symptoms severely reduced. Although I did not get any lasting benefit from the fasts to date, this tells me that I’m likely reacting to things in my diet. This took me down a rabbit hole about oxalates/lectins/antinutrients, and led me to carnivore.
I have other symptoms including gut health issues around inconsistent bowel movements, bloating and gas, as well as many others like tinnitus, insomnia. The ones that are crushing my life however are the neuropsychiatric stuff by some distance.
I’m looking to transition to carnivore in the coming weeks and have a bunch of questions I’m hoping you guys could help with.
  1. Have any of you guys tackled extreme mental health issues (particularly linked to chronic illness/infection) with carnivore, and if so how long did it take? Any advice/info would be gratefully received.
  2. In terms of starting out on the diet, im struggling to find the best way to transition, particularly for someone in my shoes with gut sensitivities. I’ve seen things written like I should start with just beef or steaks, and that I should shoot for a 70/30 fat to protein ratio. I know calorie counting is against the essence of carnivore, but to get an idea I looked at what this would look like for 2,700 cals and it is roughly three and a half ribeye steaks and 8 tablespoons of tallow. Does that seem right? And do you just shovel down the tallow that’s in excess of what you cook with?
  3. Given my gut sensitivities particularly around fats, are digestive enzymes a good idea initially? Any other supplements to help the transition?
  4. With regard to carnivore diet, I’m aware many people use it as a lifetime tool and way of life. Do many use it for healing and then transition to a more moderate diet? I’ve read critics say that you can lose capacity to ever tolerate other foods when on carnivore long term, is this the case? Whilst I am very disciplined and would always like to be largely meat based, I do dream of a day when I can have some flexibility again and indulge a little on the odd occasion.
  5. Lots of practitioners have impressed on me the importance of one good bowel movement a day for bile discharge/detox purposes for things like mould, and I understand BM's can be far less frequent with carnivore. How do people get around this? Or is it all a myth?
  6. I've seen it written that you get symptomatic relief with carnivore but it doesn’t heal the root and everything returns should your diet ever change a little and you stray from carnivore/keto. Again, is this a myth?
  7. Ive read mixed things... is black coffee ok?
Thank you so much guys, looking forward to contributing.
submitted by swill1985 to carnivorediet [link] [comments]


2023.11.27 22:47 capriciousMakaras He (20M) wants to improve. I (18F) also want to improve (mentally that is.)

Hello, this is my first post on Reddit for years now. To set up context for everything, we have been in a relationship for five years. It has mostly been online and long-distance, only meeting for the first time this October for our fifth anniversary. On the surface, we are a happy couple.
However, as of three years ago, I found out that he had been using porn for the majority of our relationship. At the time I learned about this, I fell into a cycle of deception and depression. It did not help that I was taking a medication that supposedly worsened my moods and it was quarantine. I felt exploited really, I gave him so many pictures and videos of my own, always doing everything that he asked for. Back then (and still now), I struggle with my own body image. I went to therapy recently for it, and I would say it has improved it a bit, but not as much as I would have liked it to.
Since then, he has been off-and-on about going cold turkey or white knuckling his addiction. And honestly, my mental state has gotten worse and worse over the years. I am considering to get my own diagnosis soon in the future, because a lot of the actions and thoughts that I have done throughout the years has started to worry me.
After learning about his addiction (and how severe it was, after pruning the truth out of him), I feel deeper and deeper into a hellish mental state. Every lie and every d-day resulted in a feeling of heartbreak and a stab to the heart. It got even worse this year when I learned the true extent of it, that he used porn more than he would use my own photos or videos.
It did not help that when I asked him not to use porn in the days leading up to our meeting, he lied to me, only telling me on the night before he left.
Even with all of this, I still love him. Is it bad that I do? I can't help to just leave this relationship. Maybe its the extreme fear of abandonment or the huge connection I have with him, but I can't think of leaving him at all. He says that he only uses porn for convenience sake, to get over it and get rid of "that feeling". He swears up and down he only thinks of me when he is doing it. He says he loves my body and how I look.
After all that he has done, I don't even know if I trust him at all anymore.
Now, fast-forward to this weekend, he revealed the truth to me. Actually some couple of truths. Because of this, I felt like I was disassociating last night. I coped with the stress and negative feelings with online shopping and eating some really sugary stuff. To top it off, I have been back on the medication that I was taking back when I first learned about his addiction, the one that impacted my mental health negatively. I admittedly wanted to relapse into the old habit of purging. Additionally, most of my old coping mechanisms I had to get rid of, such as alcoholism and latching onto the fictional characters (admittedly, whenever a d-day happened I would immediately go to watch any piece of media that contained said character, such as clips, fanfics, or even resorting to chat bots. yeah, heavy stuff.) So now, I have pretty much no coping mechanism of my own to help deal with my emotions.
After my episode died down, we talked and he finally decided to reach out for help and no longer just white knuckle it. I also decided to seek help in regards to just-- the feelings that I bottled up for so long.
So, after this long post, I am asking for advice on what to do. Just anything really. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. I know he just deleted all the tabs on his phone (which, when learning about the number he had I almost felt sick to my stomach), but I would like to know on what steps to take for myself to improve mentally. Any suggestions and thoughts are highly appreciated.
For those who read the whole post, thank you :). I hope all of you have lovely days and I wish for the future to shine brighter for all of you.

((Clarification: the medication I was/am taking is isotretinoin/accutane. I obtained it in Mexico, so I did not do any of the paperwork that you would usually do here in America.))
submitted by capriciousMakaras to loveafterporn [link] [comments]


2023.11.22 16:03 lumpuswumpus365 Accutane IS a miracle drug

I am seeing a LOT of negative press and frankly weird propaganda on here lately about how terrible and awful this drug is. I’m seeing about how accutane caused horrid permanent damage, negative lasting side effects and ruined lives with chronic illness etc etc.
Your story is not universal. Your experience is not the final word. Your downfall is not the norm, statistically. There are people who come to this Reddit looking for hope. For an answer. For community. I am not invalidating ANYONE’S experience, but it is so unfair to people who NEED this medication as a last resort, to come here and be scared out of an option that could end their suffering for good. I ask that you post about your experience with grace, and not with fear mongering. If you are in the small percentage of people who have experienced these rare side effects, I am sorry, and I appreciate your courage in sharing your story. But again, please think about the people who need this med, and who will likely have their horrible mindset with self image end because they decide to embark on this medical journey with positive results.
Your outcome and voice IS important, but so is the truth, which is that for most people, this medication works without negative repercussions.
submitted by lumpuswumpus365 to Accutane [link] [comments]


2023.11.03 22:46 AccutaneEffectsInfo The mystery of Post Accutane Syndrome (PAS) finally understood

The mystery of Post Accutane Syndrome (PAS) finally understood
Pre-amble: This is my latest (and best) attempt to explain the beta-catenin model of Post Accutane Syndrome as simply as possible, using minimal medical terminology. Even if you believe you're already familiar with the theory, there is still value in reading through this post as I reference some new studies that bolster the theory. If you're not familiar with this model, I'm happy to answer questions in the replies.

Introduction:

Before introducing the model of how Accutane can induce persistent changes to the gut, sexual functioning and more - it’s first necessary to provide a more general framework of how retinoids take effect in the body. Retinoids are the class of chemical compounds that are chemically related to vitamin A. They biological systems they primarily regulate are vision, cell proliferation/differentiation, bone tissue and the immune system. The term retinoid is a general one, and encompasses a range of chemical including retinol, retinoic acid, retinyl esters and other synthetic retinoids. The breadth of effect of these chemicals in the body is vaster than any other vitamin. Despite retinoids coming in many forms, the majority of these various actions throughout the body are mediated by just one metabolite: all-trans retinoic acid (ATRA). ATRA binds to several receptor families to mediate its effects: Retinoic Acid Receptor (RAR), Retinoid X Receptor (RXR), Peroxisome proliferator-activated receptors (PPARs). [1]
The impact of retinoids that is perhaps most fundamental, and relevant to both the therapeutic and detrimental effects of Accutane treatment is on cell proliferation and differentiation. Almost every cell in the body undergoes a life cycle that can be broken into four phases. The first stage is G1 where the cell begins to synthesise the proteins needed for cell division. This is followed by the S phase where the DNA is replicated, then the G2 phase is the process of condensing the chromatin (long strands of DNA) into tightly bound structures called chromosomes. After all this has been completed the cell can divide through mitosis and a new cell is formed. This process can be halted, and the cell can enter a G0 phase, the so-called quiescent phase where the tissue stops growing. This is the state most adult cells exist in, with the exception being for stem and progenitor cells. During cell division, each individual cell will become halved as the content of the cell is divided in two. During cell proliferation cells both divide and grow individually, increasing the size of the tissue whilst maintaining the size of the cells. Progenitor and stem cells will continue to proliferate during adulthood helping to maintain certain tissues such as the skin and digestive tract. It’s these stem cells that retinoids and Accutane can have such a profound effect on.

Stem cells can specialise (differentiate) into different tissues
Retinoids exert an anti-proliferative effect on the body. This can have particularly devastating consequences for embryos, which rely on cell proliferation to develop. This is why Accutane is a teratogen, a substance that disrupts normal foetal development causing congenital disabilities. When foetuses are exposed to retinoic acid, they develop limb defects and cleft palates. [2] This is the reason behind the strict guidelines on birth control for women undergoing Accutane treatments. These anti-proliferative effects of Accutane are also observed in the many adult tissues which maintain a stem cell population such as the skin, intestines, bone marrow, cornea, hair follicles and brain (particularly hippocampus). Retinoids such as Accutane have been found to trigger the conversion of stem cells in all these tissues to specialised cells in a process called differentiation. In this way retinoids maintain the delicate balance between proliferation and differentiation, and why applied in excess during Accutane treatments it’s these tissues that are most effected.
A meta-analysis of 25 random controlled trials found that neurological, musculoskeletal, bowel, eye and skin changes were amongst the common categories of adverse reactions. Half of patients experienced skin thinning and a fifth experienced hair loss. [4] 10% of patients experience gastrointestinal distress, which corroborates the growing evidence for Accutane treatment inducing bowel diseases such as ulcerative colitis. [5] Accutane has wide ranging effects on the musculoskeletal system, such as osteoporosis, arthritis and extraspinal calcifications. The greatest risk is posed to teenagers who may even experience stunted growth due to premature epiphyseal plate closure. The hippocampus is a region of the brain that relies on stem cell progenitor pool to continue to develop new neurons during adulthood to form new memories. Accutane significantly inhibits cell proliferation, resulting in disrupting cognitive processes. [6] This is just a brief summary of the effects of Accutane throughout the body, but the pattern is clear. Accutane has profound and diverse consequences throughout the body, most particularly in tissues which are reliant on a stem cell progenitor pool for maintenance.

What is Accutane?

Isotretinoin (Accutane) is an isomer of retinoic acid; it is naturally occurring in very small doses, but it exerts its effect through its metabolite all-trans-retinoic acid (ATRA). The advantage of administering Isotretinoin rather Than simply ATRA is that it possesses a greater half-life, allowing for a lower administration frequency. There is also an additional and crucial benefit, in that Isotretinoin can lead to greater nuclear (in the nucleus of the cell) concentration of ATRA because it’s able to avoid stimulating a xenobiotic metabolising response from cytochrome p450. [7] Once bound to one of the Retinoic Acid Receptor types the RXRAR heterodimer complex bound to the DNA begins to transcribe retinoic acid response genes. [8] Several gene targets are modified in this way, but one of the effected pathways has particular significance to the many adverse reactions to Isotretinoin and even serves an aetiology for Post Accutane syndrome (PAS). The action of Isotretinoin on beta-catenin is the key to revealing wide ranging symptoms manifested in PAS, but also the long lasting nature of the condition.

The beta-catenin theory of Post Accutane Syndrome:

The beta-catenin theory of PAS is a model that I’ve developed after reviewing almost all the relevant scientific literature that exists on the topic. Despite the overwhelming evidence for the many devastating long-term changes induced by Accutane, the potential mechanism has continued to elude the medical community. This is perhaps owing to a poor understanding of epigenetics which has only seen massive progress within the last decade. However, an understanding of PAS is now finally available, with the evidence needed to decipher its mystery being fragmented across hundreds of individual studies. When all the evidence is arranged together a coherent model emerges. I will present you a model supported by dozens of references and encompasses all the known symptoms of the condition. An accurate model for PAS should meet the following criteria:
· Explain all the wide-ranging side effects of the condition including Musculoskeletal, sexual, neurological, ophthalmic (relating to the eye), gastrointestinal.
· Explains the long-lasting nature of the condition with an epigenetic basis.
· Is strongly supported by the scientific literature, with reference to numerous published studies.
The B-cat model meets all these criteria.

Beta-catenin:

I’ll begin by introducing protein central to the Beta-catenin model: beta-catenin. Beta-catenin is a multifunctional protein that plays the central role in the Wnt signalling pathway, which is essential for cell adhesion, tissue growth, development, and homeostasis. Wnt (short for ‘wingless’ on account of their shape) is the name of the proteins that can activate so-called ‘canonical’ Wnt/beta-catenin pathway to activate beta-catenin target gene transcription. In the absence of any Wnt ligands (binding molecules), beta-catenin is continually marked for degradation within a ‘destruction complex’. This destruction complex entraps beta-catenin and consists of Axin, APC (adenomatous polyposis coli), GSK-3β (glycogen synthase kinase 3 beta), and CK1 (casein kinase 1). When Wnt proteins bind to receptors (Frizzled and LRP5/6) on the cell surface, the destruction complex is inhibited and beta-catenin is stabilised and accumulates in the cytoplasm of the cell. Beta-catenin then translocates into the nucleus where it interacts with TCF/LEF transcription factors to regulate the expression of its target genes. These target genes are all to do with cell proliferation and differentiation. [9]

Destruction complex degrades Beta-catenin
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0092867412005302
ATRA (the main functional metabolite of Accutane) can block the action of beta-catenin by further enhancing the action of the destruction complex. ATRA can do this by inhibiting PI3K-AKT and thus increasing the GSK-3β degradation of beta-catenin. [10] One of the many roles played by beta-catenin’s action on cell proliferation and differentiation is the maintenance of stem cell populations. When beta-catenin action is inhibited stem cells undergo differentiation, losing their pluripotent self-renewing properties. [11] One of the medical applications of Accutane is in treating cancers, where tumours maintain their self-renewal stem cell properties to rapidly proliferate. ATRA can interrupt tumorigenesis by blocking beta-catenin, and thus triggering differentiation. [12] Whilst Accutane exerts this differentiating effect on cancer stem cells, it is also able to induce differentiation other healthy tissues throughout the body that rely on a stem cell population for maintenance (bones, skin, gut, and brain).

ALDH beta-catenin feedback loop:

Aldehyde dehydrogenases (ALDHs) represent large family of enzymes that catalyse the oxidation of aldehydes to their corresponding acids. The family is diverse with 19 different isoforms coming under its umbrella, playing vital roles in metabolism, production of neurosteroids and pertinently to PAS – the endogenous production of retinoic acid. They convert retinol to retinal with enzymes called Alcohol/retinol dehydrogenases (ADH/RDH), and they then oxidise retinal to retinoic acid with different isoforms being expressed in different tissues (ALDH1A1, ALDH1A2 etc.) One isoform, ALDH2, has been implicated in the phenomenon of “Asian Flush”, which is the red facial flushing caused by poor alcohol metabolism prevalent in some East Asian populations. [13] Though this may seem fairly benign, poor ALDH2 function has been negatively associated with the progression and severity of Alzheimer’s Disease given its additional role in the clearance of toxic dopamine metabolites. [14] Parkinsons is a disease characterised by the progressive loss of dopaminergic neurons. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that governs feelings of satisfaction, pleasure, and excitement – but its primary metabolite DOPAL (3,4-dihydroxyphenylacetaldehyde) is toxic and kill dopaminergic cells. This metabolite can be broken down into a less toxic form through ALDH enzymes. When this action is impaired, it can accelerate the loss of dopaminergic cells driving Parkinsons disease pathogenesis. [15]

https://www.teawithmd.com/2014/12/the-truth-about-alcohol-flushing-or-asian-glow/

Retinoids regulate ALDH, with evidence from Cancer studies:

Whilst it’s clear that ALDH is essential to healthy functioning, it has an additional role as a cancer stem cell marker. ALDH is found elevated in cancerous tissues, where ALDH is not typically displayed. [16] Not only does elevated ALDH point to the presence of cancer, but it can also result in poor response to chemotherapy as ALDH can protect the cancerous stem cells from the chemo drugs. [17] However, it should be clear that these are distinct mechanisms. The reason that ALDH can be sign of cancerous growth is all to do with beta-catenin. As previously discussed, beta-catenin support the growth and proliferation of stem cells- including cancerous stem cells. The reason ALDH is elevated, is precisely because of its capacity to synthesise retinoids which can in turn trigger growth arrest and reduced stem cell expression. [18] It’s only within the last few years that scientists have been able to elucidate the complex feedback loop that regulates beta-catenin expression. Under normal healthy conditions, elevated beta-catenin would upregulate ALDH, which would in turn induce greater retinoic acid synthesis, which would trigger differentiation and growth arrest – in turn mitigating the risk of cancerous stem cell development. [19] Under cancerous conditions, the tissue is not responsive to differentiation and the elevated beta-catenin maintains a higher ALDH expression. This overexpression of ALDH can have disastrous effects on disease progression by nullifying the toxic effects of chemo drugs. This is why exogenous retinoids, like Accutane, by triggering differentiation in these cancer stem cells and suppressing beta-catenin. [20] Since beta-catenin regulates ALDH expression, Accutane treatment leads to a downregulation of ALDH enzymes leading to better response to chemo drugs. [21] Accutane has been repeatedly shown to suppress ALDH action in this way, enhancing cancer treatments. [22]

Beta-catenin ALDH feedback loop

Suppressed Beta-catenin/ALDH explains PAS:

Now that I’ve demonstrate the suppressive effect of Accutane on both ALDH and beta-catenin, we can begin to investigate how these effects manifest throughout the body and explain the spectrum of PAS symptoms.

Changes to Neurosteroids:

One of the ways of explaining the therapeutic effect of Accutane in treating acne is by modulating androgen signalling, which drives acne pathogenesis. I’ve detailed the role of ALDH in producing retinoids, but many members of the ALDH family more readily bind to androgen substrates than retinol and primarily serve in the production of neurosteroids. One such isoform is RoHD4, which is prevalent in the skin and liver and acts similarly to 3 alpha-HSD. It catalyses the oxidation of 3α-diol (5α-androstane-3α,17β-diol) to the much more potent androgen DHT (dihydrotestosterone). [23] The presence of this enzyme in the skin might contribute to the development of acne, and the suppression of RoDH4 (via the previously outlined beta-catenin/ALDH feedback loop) may constitute one of Accutane’s mechanisms of action. [24] Another product of RoHD4 is androstanedione, which undergoes conversion to DHT in peripheral genital tissue under the action of another enzyme: 17b-hydroxysteroid dehydrogenase. [25] The suppressive effect on a number of enzymes sharing both retinoid and steroid dehydrogenase activity has been observed in microarray analysis. 8 weeks of Accutane treatment resulted in a six-fold decrease in 3 beta-HSD expression, which is responsible for the conversion of DHEA into androstenedione. [26] This study also identified a 3-fold suppression 5 alpha-reductase, another key enzyme in the production of DHT.

Androgen receptor activity:

Whilst it’s evident that Accutane can mute androgen signalling by inhibiting enzymatic activity, the beta-catenin model also predicts an even more direct impact on Androgen receptor itself. Beta-catenin is found to complex with the androgen receptor to make the receptor dramatically enhance gene transcription. [27] This effect is so potent that relatively weak androgens such as DHEA can result in the same level of AR gene transcription as testosterone, when complexed with beta-catenin. Even more striking is the ability of beta-catenin to reactivate the androgen receptor in androgen depravation treatment of prostate cancer. It’s hypothesised that this was achieved by indirect activation of AR by modification of coactivators. [28]

Suppression of dopamine signalling:

As previously discussed, ALDH has a pivotal role in the progression of Parkinsons disease which is characterised by the progressive loss of dopaminergic neurons. ALDH has a protective effect against the toxic byproducts of dopamine metabolism such as DOPAL. [29] This could explain why retinoid dehydrogenase enzymes are abundant in the regions of the brain most rich in dopamine receptors, such as the striatum and nucleus accumbens. [30] A powerful ALDH inhibitor, Disulfiram, is used in the treatment of alcoholism. It was initially hypothesised to work by suppressing the degradation of toxic alcohol metabolites, therefore making drinking less pleasurable. However subsequent research has found that Disulfiram (and other ALDH inhibitors) can result in lower extracellular dopamine due a negative feedback mechanism triggered by the increased presence of toxic dopamine metabolites. [31] This mechanism also explains why a common side effect of this medication is reduced mood and libido. The prefrontal cortex is another region with high ALDH and dopamine expression is the prefrontal cortex, a region that is most evolved in humans and subserves our high order cognitive abilities. This was also the region that experienced the most significant suppression in activity over the course of Accutane treatment, with a 16% reduction in metabolism. [32]

Decreased brain activity in the Frontal Cortex

Musculoskeletal pain and cartilage degradation:

In the context of cartilage development, the levels of beta-catenin determines both osteogenesis (formation of bone) and chondrogenesis (formation of cartilage). [33] Endochondral ossification is process of skeletal development that using the cartilage as a template. The chondrocytes transform during this process first by hypertrophy (enlargement), then dying and calcifying. Osteoblasts (bone generating cells) then migrate into this area and lay down a bone matrix. [34] Once cartilage has been damaged it is largely unable to repair itself, as chondrocytes are bound within lucanae (small pockets within the bone). Retinoic acid has been shown to reliably alter the differentiation pattern of chondrocytes, with the most profound effects being seen in the foetal development of mothers exposed to retinoic acid. Foetuses exposed to retinoic acid display craniofacial and limb malformation. There’s in vitro evidence that retinoic acid inhibits the formation of chondroblasts (the cells that form chondrocytes), resulting in the cessation of cartilage formation and ultimately the loss of pre-existing cartilage structures. [35] [36] Many of the observed effects of retinoic acid on chondrocytes match the known effects of suppressing beta-catenin signalling on chondrocytes, suggesting that this may be the relevant mechanism of action. Inhibition of beta-catenin in chondrocytes resulted in increased cell apoptosis (cell death) and “articular cartilage destruction”. [37]

Permanent Skeletal changes induced by Accutane in 38 year old woman

Ocular and vision changes:

One of the side effects of Accutane most recognised in the medical literature to persist idenfinitely following treatment is the loss of night vision (nyctalopia). [38] The persistence of this symptom is actually one of the best pieces of evidence to support the Beta-catenin model of PAS. Retinal is a vital component in human vision, necessary for photo transduction. It is a chromophore (light absorbing molecule) that combines rod and cone opsins to for rhodopsin and activated cone opsins. Isotretinoin slows down rhodopsin regeneration and chromophore recycling by inhibiting retinoid isomerase (RoDH-11) and 11-cis retinol dehydrogenase enzymes that are necessary for the synthesis of 11-cis retinal. [39] ALDH3A1 and ALDH1A1 enzymes additionally protect inner ocular tissues from ultraviolet radiation and reactive oxygen-induced damage. Corneal crystallin’s contribute to cellular transparency in corneal stromal keratocytes, supporting a structural role of these ALDH proteins. A putative regulatory function of ALDH3A1 on corneal cell proliferation has also been proposed. [40]

Gastrointestinal changes and IBS:

A 2011 case control study found that ulcerative colitis (UC) was strongly associated with prior isotretinoin exposure, with a 4.4 times greater risk compared to control. [41] Ulcerative colitis is chronic condition of inflammation of the colon, with primary symptoms of abdominal pain and diarrhoea, but during flare-ups symptoms may include eye irritation, painful joints and even bone degradation. The risk of developing UC dramatically increased with Isotretinoin dose, with each additional 20mg dose contributing a 1.5 times risk odds ratio. The FDA’s MedWatch have also reported 83 cases of newly developed cases of Irritable Bowel Disease (IBD) following exposure to Isotretinoin. [42] As you can guess from the emerging pattern over PAS symptoms, the gut relies on beta-catenin for stem cell maintenance. Blocking beta-catenin results in rapid loss of two important cell types within the gut, transient-amplifying cells (type of stem cell) and crypt structures (pocket of epithelial cells). A 2023 study found deletion of the beta-catenin gene triggered the complete differentiation of stem cell populations, resulting in loss of intestinal homeostasis which was ultimately fatal. [43] Conversely enhancing beta-catenin, by suppressing GSK3 with Lithium, has been found to improve gut structure and health. The action of Lithium on beta-catenin increased gut microbiome diversity and healthy and was even found to relieve colon inflammation. [44][45]

Epigenetic changes:

Epigenetics is the process by which genes can be switched on or switched off, and mediate the lasting changes induced by certain medications. Whilst its not possible to directly change your genome, it is possible for the epigenetic machinery that reads and transcribes your genome to be changed such that some genes are ignored (silenced) and other are activated. Accutane has a two-stage effect on the epigenome. During Accutane treatment there is a loss in epigenetic stability, through the downregulation of DNMT1 and DNMT3b, with both significant de-methylation and hypermethylation events. [46] Of the hypermethylated genes, around a dozen became significantly repressed. The most significantly downregulated gene was MYCN, which encodes the N-myc protein which is key regulator in beta-catenin signalling. [47] The suppression of this gene and subsequently beta-catenin was posited to be responsible for Accutane’s differentiative effects. An additional study on the epigenetic mechanisms of Accutane found that Accutane induced microRNAs that downregulate Wnt and Akt pathways, both needed for beta-catenin gene transcription. [48] There’s some evidence that the epigenetic status of the Wnt/Beta-catenin pathway is reliant on a feedback mechanism, [49] such that potential alterations induced by Accutane could persist. [50] All this is complementary to the fact that activation of the beta-catenin pathway is the mechanism of action histone deacetylase inhibitors (HDACis). Structurally distinct HDACis all share a common target of the Wnt/beta-catenin pathway. [51]
For references visit here: https://pas-secondlife.com/2023/11/05/what-causes-post-accutane-syndrome/
submitted by AccutaneEffectsInfo to AccutaneRecovery [link] [comments]


2023.06.25 20:41 ozymphoenix [LONG POST] I have solid reasons to quit.

I have had persistent acne for as long as I can remember. After doing a round of antibiotics, it improved drastically. Then, to get rid of it for good, I went on Accutane. Because the acne was mild yet persistent, we started from a very small dose, 5 mg every two days. This was back in January.
Getting on Accutane caused my skin to worsen significantly, even on such a small dosage. Then we upped the dose to 5 mg a day and it was still worsening with each passing day. Then finally we decided to go for higher doses. I only weigh 103 pounds, so we could not go too crazy with it. We upped to 10 mg for a week, then 20 mg and that lasted for about 1,5 month. This was in April. It's the end of June now. No improvement whatsoever.
My derm said that all of this is unusual. She said that I shouldn't purge on 5 mg and as we were upping to 10/20 mg in April, she said that there should already be improvement on 5 mg. I asked her if this could be hormonal problems. She said that it could be, but that Accutane should also address that.
Finally we went for 30 mg and I felt as if there was progress. I was pimple free for 4 weeks. I thought it finally starts working and my enthusiasm increased. And then all of a sudden there was another worsening. I got 5 new pimples in a span od 3 days. Granted, my period just started. But remember, the derm said that Accutane should also address hormonal problems.
Things to keep in mind before you jump into comments and disparage me for having unfair expectations/not giving it enough time/expecting miracles/not asking for a higher dose beforehand/etc:
  1. Sorry, but whatever you say, I'd rather listen to my derm than you, a random person on the Internet. If she put me on 5mg at first, she had a reason for that. If by April by derm said that there should be improvement, she's right. If by the end of June she says that I am a difficult case, then she's right.
  2. Here's pictures of my skin on March 4th vs 23rd June.
https://picallow.com/march-4th-vs-january-23rd/?usp_success=2&post_id=129182&form_id=27
Yes, that's the correct order. I checked metadata to be sure these are the exact dates. I can even tell you the exact time these photos were taken, down to a minute. Today my right cheek looks even worse by the way. So bad that I don't want to show pictures.
March 4th: I was already on 5 mg a day for a month. On my right cheek, you can see small brown dots. These are all from the purge that I had on 5 mg. It was bad. My left cheek was a bit better, but I still have PIE/PIH from that period, since in the following days, it got much worse. Some of it faded, but some is just as visible as it was on March 4th. There's also new ones, obviously. My derm said that I shouldn't have purged on 5mg. Yet I did.
June 23rd: I've been on 30 mg for slightly less than 4 weeks by that point. Before, it was 20 mg for 1,5 month. And right as I thought that at least I won't get any new imperfections, I got fooled again.
And remember, these are photos taken with an average-to-bad front camera on my phone in the middle of a night. Irl all of this looks much worse.
  1. My case is time sensitive. I have to get rid of my acne COMPLETELY, else I won't be able to start my job as a model. My agency is patient with me and said that I have unlimited time to get things to work, but I've waited half a year now for improvement that does not come and I fear that their patience may end any time. The further we go, the worse it gets, as demonstrated by the pictures. Summer is a time where I was supposed to travel for my first contract abroad. This likely won't happen because of these problems. My agency may be patient, but others aren't. For me to travel abroad, I need to be accepted by a foreign agency, and nobody will accept me with such problems. They have business to run and clients are strict.
  2. I only weight 103 pounds, remember that. This is why my initial dose was so small. And before, I really had an occasional pimple here and there that would disappear rather quickly. This is why we didn't want to start on a high dose. We also started on such a small dose to avoid the purge and harsh side effects - and you already know what happened.
  3. I know this isn't the worst case of acne ever and many of you could probably feel jealous that my skin looks better than yours. But remember - there was a period of strong improvement after I finished antibiotics. I barely had any acne back then. And remember, my case is time sensitive. Surely, even with such a small dose, in the case of such mild acne, there SHOULD be improvement by now, however slight. Even the derm said so. And yet everything goes in the worst possible direction.
  4. Final and most important: all of this has a severe effect on me and my mental health. I battled depression in the past and won, I haven't been feeling suicidal for years. With Accutane, the worsening of my skin caused me to occasionally feel suicidal again. Even though I have things to look forward, don't I? And yet I feel like there's no point in waiting any longer. My face looks disgusting and terrible, to the point that I avoid looking into the mirror. There's no improvement in sight, and even if there is, I'm still left with marks that won't go away for several more months. Before I put on my contact lenses, I legit put on a face mask so to not see my face. The pimples I do have take ages to heal, one was sitting on my skin for full 2 months before it got flat. I have PIE and PIH from pimples that healed months ago, some of them begin to fade, but others are just as bright red as on day 1. Even during the time when Accutane was "working", as in preventing the formation of new pimples, it did completely nothing to heal the already existing pimples.
And yes, I started on a small dose, I explained my reasoning and I'm more inclined to trust what my derm decided than whatever you may say about it. But even that smallest dose caused my skin to get so much worse and even the derm said that this shouldn't happen. She said that I'm a difficult case. Every time I visit her, she's surprised that it's still so bad. And I see people on here on similar doses getting drastically good results in a short span of time. This is not true for me. I get that everyone is different, but my gut feeling tells me that something is seriously off. Even if I suddenly saw some improvement (and at that point, I honestly doubt there will be any), I'd still have PIE/PIH to address and I'd still feel ugly and disgusting for another couple of months.
At some point, my derm changed the brand I was taking (before it was Curacne, now it's Axotret). This was because she suspected that Curacne may be using some preservatives that may be harmful to me. At first I thought that it may be right. But then again, I just had another breakout on Axotret. So that wasn't the case after all.
I counted what my cumulative dose should be; lowest is 5640. By my estimates, I already accumulated 2200. That's very close to 40%. Surely, at the very least, there should be no more pimples?

Honestly? I regret it. Say whatever you want to, but given all of the experiences that I've had so far, that's the truth. I should've went for another round of antibiotics or find other treatment. I have no side effects outside of dry lips and the only good thing to come out of this mess is that my hair does not get greasy anymore. But I can't get any cosmetic treatment for the scars I have or do anything to address the problem. All I can do is wait. And I'm done waiting! And per my derm's comments, I have the right to be done! Because I'm done not seeing results!!! Insert that gif of Sirius Black yelling "I did my waiting!!! Twelve years of it!!! IN AZKABAN!!!".
Maybe I'm that rare case where this really isn't a solution. I take this pill out of habit, but every time I do, I question if it's worth it. Is it worth my mental health? Is it worth taking off my glasses every time I go to to the bathroom so that I don't see myself in the mirror? Is it worth paying so much money for derm appointments and a medication I feel in my guts isn't for me? Is it worth it not wanting to go outside without a thick layer of foundation? Is it worth ruining my liver and body?
I don't know, guys. Idk what I even want to achieve with this post, I guess I just want to vent my frustrations.
submitted by ozymphoenix to Accutane [link] [comments]


2023.06.12 10:45 Wise-Answer-5551 How I improved myself

Recently, I retook my A-levels and improved from 70 RP to 81.25 RP in NS. Not only that, but I also made drastic improvements in other areas of my life. It took a lot of motivation and discipline. However, motivation alone doesn't last long, and the only way to tap into it is through experiencing something truly traumatizing. In JC, I was infamous, unpopular, and lonely. I was overweight and performed poorly in everything. I faced a humiliating rejection and even got pushed against the wall in a lift. I felt like a joke and prayed for God to end my miserable existence. I stopped smiling and laughing, hating everything about myself. I tried and failed repeatedly. Fortunately, I was fortunate to get into a stay-out vocation in NS. If you're in a combat vocation, my advice would be to consider taking a gap year. You might think you can handle it, but the truth is, you can't.
My friends, family, and those who retook their A-levels told me that only 5% of people actually improve. However, I burned my bridges and had nothing to lose. I couldn't simply do nothing and let these memories drive me crazy. I told myself I would end it all if I did badly. In the first year of NS, I plunged into depression. I would look down the barrel of my SAR21 and wonder if anyone would even care, considering how much they seemed to hate me. I looked at Asta and realized what a dumbass he was, yet he kept striving forward despite public mockery. He had nothing, but he still moved ahead. I didn't know where to start or how to proceed, but I told myself that hard work would be enough. I couldn't effectively study in camp. I would stay up until 2 am every day, drinking Monster Energy, caffeine, and eating a lot. I would be late, forgetful, and become a joke in camp, but I didn't care. I convinced myself that this was the reason for her rejection. I knew that no one would care or save me—I only had myself. The lack of sleep made me unstable, but going to the gym helped me effectively channel my emotions. By the 14th month, my bench press went from 40 to 80 reps. My test scores remained the same, but I realized that A-levels were designed to reward hard work only up to a B/C grade. I felt lost.
I started looking for patterns in A-level exams and discovered that there were quite a lot of them—questions that were repeated over and over again. I didn't skip the repeated hard questions in math; instead, I solved them repeatedly. I developed a sense of urgency eight months before the exams. I did timed practice and realized that most people overlook this timed aspect, but it can easily mess you up if you can't finish an essay, AQ, chemistry p3 and bio p2 on time. Every second is important—definitions, common answers, and questions from past year papers must become like muscle memory. I looked at model answers and noticed that many times there was a format to follow.
Practicals were the same across all JCs and A-levels. The best way to improve is by doing past papers. Without that, you are guaranteed to perform poorly. Going into a gunfight with a sword will guarantee defeat. I achieved mostly B/A grades, but by the time of my exams, I couldn't touch a book anymore—I was basically burned out. However, what saved me was recognizing the biology practical questions after using the RI practical notes and their planning mnemonic and papers. For biology papers 2 and 3, I used active recall and learned from the TYS (Ten-Year Series) answers and used the provided diagrams. In math, the TYS answers were often repeated, and the prelims also helped me identify repeated questions. Math requires a lot of practice, and you will make many silly mistakes along the way. I copied every single answer for economics and memorized them while developing my evaluative skills based on those answers. For GP, I obtained an example bank from Carousell from someone named Russell. I focused on religion, government, science, and tech examples and created numerous essay plans for these three topics. I spent 20 minutes planning each essay. I rushed through my comprehension, and it turned out quite badly. I'm pretty sure I failed it, but my essay and AQ sections saved me. Lastly, for chemistry, every single learning outcome became a flashcard question (biology as well) for active recall, and practicals required practice papers. I didn't leave out any topics for practical planning (moles to organic). Doing past papers and timed practice is crucial, and no topics should be left out during revision. Music often helped me study nonstop, and I stopped playing games. By the time of A-levels, I was sleeping 9 hours every day, and I took MCs (medical certificates) when I was sick (cough).
At the end of A-levels, I was recovering from burnout and took the time to rest. After NS, I worked hard to save money. During the 2 years in NS, I developed a good physique. The thing is, a glow-up takes years, and initially, you may not see any results at all. I got a haircut, lost body fat, improved my hygiene, and learned to speak only when necessary. Each person will have their own problems to overcome which will each need money, time, awareness, or effort, be it character issues, Accutane, braces, losing fat, gaining muscle, smelling good, etc. In just two months, I received more compliments for my looks than I had received in my entire life. I fought the urge to adopt toxic personalities like Andrew Tate, Hamza, or be racist or sexist. I learned to love myself and realized that there was no need to be bitter. Life is good. Once you reach a certain point, it's important to remain humble because there will always be people better than you. With determination, anything is possible. It's also important to help those who are going through the toughest moments in their lives. When you look at your old photos, you can remind your former self that it's all over.
submitted by Wise-Answer-5551 to SGExams [link] [comments]


2023.06.02 02:21 F-Neagley Accutane 3.0

Alright kids, I just started my third round of accutane and I want to talk about it.
So for a little back story, I've had acne for most of my life. I started having problematic skin at like 11 or 12 which is wild because I didn't actually hit puberty properly until I was 16. I tried all the regular options; benzoyl peroxide, two rounds of doxycycline, prescription topical treatments like Epiduo. My dermatologist put me on accutane the first time in 2019 when I was 24. It worked pretty well but didn't last very long so I went back to the derm and he prescribed a second round of accutane at the end of 2020. I can't remember quite how long each course was, but I know they were probably around 8 months each. The first time he kept me on about 10mg (I'm not a very large human) but the second time we bumped up to 20mg.
Flash forward to more recently. I started breaking out again pretty significantly towards the end of 2021. My GP prescribed tretinoin since I wasn't quite ready to consider another course of accutane. I used tretinoin for a year and half starting at the beginning of 2022. Did it all by the book and everything I was supposed to; started on 0.025 and slowly worked my way up to 0.1 percent. I was insanely strict with my routine (for the first time in my life) and cut all comedogenic products and ingredients out of my routine. I learned anything and everything I could about skincare science (I'm a PhD student so research scratches a very particular itch in my brain). I started getting quite obsessive with tracking my skincare routine and products. It didn't work. I was consistent. I did everything 'right' but it just didn't work.
Not only did I never see any measurable progress with tret, but my mental health and self confidence absolutely plummeted. During the initial two courses of accutane, I LOVED wearing makeup. A full beat every single day. But I'm not that person anymore. My PhD is a full-time job and I'm in the trenches of it now. The goal is to submit for examination at the end of this year. I don't like wearing makeup and I don't have the time for it every single morning. I would much rather sleep for 30 more minutes. I have my everyday makeup routine down to 15 minutes. I want nothing more than to be able to roll out of bed, do my skincare, throw on mascara and leave the house. But my skin and the breakouts control my life. I'm in a serious, long term relationship and I still wake up early to do my makeup before he wakes up because the acne is debilitating for my self esteem. I also scar really badly after a breakout no matter what I do, even when I literally don't touch my face. There were days where I would work from home because my skin was so bad and I didn't want to leave the house.
It got bad enough that I finally went back to my dermatologist last week. I'm not sure why I was so hesitant to just pull the trigger and do it. My experience on accutane was certainly not the worst ever. I think what I've realised is that I wanted so badly to feel like I could control my own skin and my own life without oral medication or medical intervention. I bought into the idea that if I just used the right products, if I just pushed through with tretinoin then its magic would work. But that wasn't the case. After a year and a half of tretinoin, my skin NEVER tolerated it. I peeled and shed skin like a snake. I couldn't kiss my boyfriend without layers of skin peeling off. And I still broke out like crazy. When I told my dermatologist this, he said that the internet likes to present topical tretinoin as a miracle product. And it is for some people. But my skin just could not handle it. For some reason, I tolerate oral accutane much more than topical tret. I'm not sure if anyone else needs to hear that but I wish I had come to terms with that truth a long time ago. I wish I hadn't forced myself to push through with something that wasn't working when I was so unbelievably miserable.
I'm one week into my third course. And I'm determined this time around. I really regret that I wasn't more diligent with progress pictures or keeping track of products during my first two rounds. I have plenty of pictures of my skin at its worst but I don't have any from when I finished the courses. That's one thing that will be different. Secondly, I'm in a much better place this time around. I have ADHD and I was not taking care of myself during the last two courses. I wasn't diligent with my skincare routine... I was inconsistent in even washing my face (ALL THE SHAME I KNOW) and now I've pretty much changed my life in that respect. Not just with skincare, but I also eat regularly and so much better balanced. My derm didn't tell me anything about fat absorption so knowing that now, I'm doing the peanut butter thing before and after taking my pill. Lastly, I was not proactive about anything the first and second time. I had absolutely zero ability to think and act proactively. My main side effects were dry lips (obvi) and angular cheilitis, nose bleeds, and aching joints. I also got some wicked eye infections the first time but that didn't happen the second time. Whereas accutane 3.0, I went ahead and got heavy duty eyedrops at the recommendation of my optometrist and stocked up on all the lip products. I've also stocked up on omega 3 and nose gel. The side effects haven't kicked in yet but I'm still using eyedrops, nose gel and aquaphor regardless.
I know more this time. And you better believe that knowledge is power. When we know better, we do better. I'm so excited to get my life back. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to get to this place. Maybe something in this long post encourages someone else. Maybe one of y'all had a similar experience and you have advice for me about doing yet another course of accutane. I'd love to hear about it.
submitted by F-Neagley to Accutane [link] [comments]


2023.03.26 15:48 Heavy-Might-6249 Criticism about the estrogen resistance theory, the person and the community behind it

We all have probably by now seen the estrogen resistance theory surface on this subreddit.
This post is a reminder to question what they believe and what they choose to do with their own health. It's also to remind people to always do their own research and preferably consult a doctor when making adjustments to their healing protocols.
This community is full of vulnerable individuals desperate to find a cure, so I know that many will blindly follow a person who pretends to be confident and claims to have found the holy grail.

First of all about the theory. I sincerely hope his theory is correct, and more people find success with it. What I have a problem with is the oversimplification and the theory being posed as a one-size-fits all solution to all of your problems. It would be fantastic news if the solution was so simple. But claiming that finasteride, SSRIs, accutane, lions mane etc.. all just "desensitize e2 receptors bro", and the solution is to "just blast e2 bro"? You don't have to be an expert to realize that these drugs have way more complicated functions on levels that even modern neuroscience doesn't fully understand. It could be that there's many mechanism that cause these syndromes, and e2 desensitization is one of them, but to claim that's all there is to it is delusional. But, this college kid who read some papers and put together a theory and now acts like the second coming of Jesus Christ himself, has all the answers, and dare you try to question him, he will bash you.

What also raises a lot of concern to me is the nature of the person who came up with this theory, and what his true motives are. He is a very impulsive, immature, emotional and narcissistic character judging by the way he talks, writes, and treats other people.
He feels comfortable hurling insults and accusations at other people and experts, and doesn't need the feel to provide any evidence for his claims. If you question him about his claims or give him constructive criticism, he just insults you and bans you. Like a trustworthy professional would, right?

If you try to start a discussion about any other theories or healing protocols, you will get insulted and banned. The Discord server theme is extremely dogmatic. You are not allowed to question or disagree with their religion. How is anyone supposed to take the server seriously, when it is ran like this? it just makes it seem like another pseudo-intellectual PSSD group full of bitter people and power tripping mods.
Narcissists by nature are very self-interested people. He masks his motive as innocent by "just trying to put the truth out there". I partly believe him, but if that was true he would be more cooperative and try wouldn't try to put other people down like he does. If his grandeur narcissism is what gives him motivation to keep digging deeper, then more power to him. As long as no body gets hurt. And that's where I have a problem with him. Like I said in the beginning, the community is full of vulnerable people. Some people have said and claim to have evidence of him saying he feels fine using other people as guinea-pigs for his theory, these are just accusations, but he seems like the type of person to do something like that. He is arrogant and obnoxious, and poses himself to be confident to manipulate gullible people to test out his theory for him.
He says that on some days his estrogen is as high as 1400pg/ml. That is insanely high, and he copes by saying that "it's healthy bro if you don't believe then stfu". You don't need to be an endocrinologist to understand that having a e2 level 3400% higher than the upper end of the reference range probably isn't very healthy, and there are certainly going to be people who will suffer more negative side effects by blindly trying to do this.

TLDR; I wish all the best for spyros on his endeavor to find the cure by expanding the research for his theory, you just need some humble pie and learn to act rationally and ethically. However he seems like a very unstable person and everyone should question his motives for themselves. Everyone should also question whether blasting 1000pg/ml estrogen is a good idea. You can start by googling 'health risk of high estrogen'. I already know that the server members are going to flood the comments with "you can have high estrogen with no health risks because of the estrogen resistance" without understanding that they are biased towards one theory.
I agree that trying different things is the key. Mainstream science is not going to find a cure for PSSD, at least not anytime soon. Something doesn't have to be 100% "science backed" to be tried out. However, when such theories surface, they should NOT be presented as being 100% science backed. This is just another lesson to take everything on the internet with a grain of salt.
submitted by Heavy-Might-6249 to PSSD [link] [comments]


2023.01.29 07:10 zaddar1 larry eigner - birdsong

another world
out there
maybe
one day
i will walk there
forever
yunmen
yangshan
deshan
indra
con artists
purveying
claptrap
words together
mash and mush
you can’t tell them
as they wade through their slush
.
words together
mash and mush
you can’t tell them
as they wade through the slush
just so much rubbish
chasing illusions
he is pierced by the fixed
and the harpies feast
they have no taste
if you read what i write more closely you will see i address these questions you are now asking
accutane, while it can work risks permanent side effects like dry lips and eyes, not a good idea
limited topical application of 40% hydrogen peroxide i find effective for acne
the amazing thing for me is discovering that 99.9999% of people in the "spiritual" circuit, are not only clueless as to what it is about, but contrary and go through life not even being able to handle dissenting opinions
rena bernstein recounts her life and holocaust experience as a young girl hidden by polish christians
i’ve seen a few of these holocaust interviews, rena is a bit different, there’s an existential anguish there the others don’t have
why extended periods of sitting are harmful is from an evolutionary point of view we are designed to be constantly moving which is why the lymph system has no pump analogous to the heart, its movement that pumps the lymph
monks and nuns
looking for enlightenment
holiness
god, buddha
crash against
the communal wall
of stupidity
and
untruth
the gate swings open
all is revealed
and never entirely closes again
what is seen
cannot be unseen
lacking this
the idiots try to explain
what cannot be explained
anime
its underlying violence
that japan seethes with
repetition
one footstep after another
revolution
this is the way it is
don’t seek the extraordinary
it seeks you
the steady stepping of working things out
self created
moving forward
the bible
inviolate truth
its your truth
that is violated
love does not last
its intensity wanes
until it refreshes
again
on the meaning of words
hangs a thought
it
expands
us
.
“ Just curious, why do you type your comments like this ? ”
.
its more like poetry with a superdense meaning that relies on associations between words right across the whole "poem" so you need to space it differently from the linear sequence of prose
also on the net "space is free", with paper publishing you are always having to fill the page so you don’t waste paper which costs
larry eigner is a poet who uses space in a way very different from the conventional
birdsong
anemoia
wow that’s a good word
look it up
today’s culture
creating pasts
that never existed
no words of their own
the commentators
play head games
with themselves
how
pathetic !
.
no words of their own
the critics
play head games
with themselves how
pathetic !
translation is a realm of potential
only some of which
works
.
translation is a well of potential
what is drawn
needs to work
the hazards of waiting 1/2 an hour to talk to telstra faults
some damn
earworm
Foyan : two verses, reading the record of the transmission of the lamp, translated by surupamaerl2
i
long heard, the empty names transmitted by empty explanations
to future generations have true words revealed real traces
to clearly know the whereabouts of empty and real
see the fragrant dust in the pure breeze of a thousand ages
ii
a torch at the door of every house
midnight — simpletons say things like this —
the azure sky like water, the moon like a hook
now as ever, words and names idly wander
.
讀傳燈錄二首。虗名虗說傳來久。真語真蹤示後人。虗實灼然知下落。清風千古見芳塵。家家門前火把子。半夜愚夫說相似。碧天如水月如鈎。古今流落閑名字。
.
my replies
the way
a dusty road to failure
what is barely discernible in hindsight
cannot be seen in foresight
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the illusion of something
is hard to dispel
especially because it is so
what is not so
is beyond
hard to grasp
landscape tells the truth
things are seen as they are
and what is distant
comes closer
words shackled together to make meaning
unshackle them
meaning — less
summer
my brain has packed up and gone on holiday
because it is surely not doing anything useful
there are some eye tests on the net that are very useful in evaluating any potential visual problems
astigmatism tests with which you can evaluate the effectiveness of the prescription when you get the glasses or contacts or the degree of problem without glasses
the duochrome test is also useful to pick any difference in magnification/sphere between the eyes
if the eye sees the red side more clearly, that's a touch short-sighted in that eye, if the green side is clearer, than that's long-sighted
the amsler grid is another easy one to do as coarse approximation to a visual field test
also snellen and logmar charts
all free
submitted by zaddar1 to zen_mystical [link] [comments]


2023.01.21 03:38 amb727 bloodwork

im looking to start accutane because i have tried literally every other thing under the sun for my acne and i do think it would really help. the only thing that’s holding me back is the bloodwork. my derm assured me i would only need it 2-3 because i’m young and healthy but i don’t know if she was saying that to make me feel better or if she was telling the truth. it’s not the poke i’m worried about, i’m just scared. is there anything i can do to help with this???
submitted by amb727 to Accutane [link] [comments]


2022.12.12 09:44 sparky_burner Please read: What to consider before taking Accutane

I'm going to preface this by saying that I'm not trying to fear monger, but make people aware of potential side effects so that this community can decide how worth it Accutane may be for them. Some people truly have acne so bad, that they are willing to trade that for anything, and that's fine. I had mild acne, and think about going back in time every single day of my life now...
The single most important question to ask yourself is, is your acne severe? If you have to question it, look up Google images of severe acne. This is who this drug was supposed to be designed for, but it gets grossly over prescribed
Side effects that I live with today, that if you're not willing to trade your acne for, I'd seriously question if it's severe and if you've truthfully, TRUTHFULLY exhausted all other treatment options. Tropicals, antibiotics, etc..
Most all of the side effects that I live with today, I wasn't made aware of when I took Accutane.. Smart phones weren't a thing and info just wasn't as readily available. Had I read some of these stories, I would've just stuck with a topical and let age take its course on mild teenage acne..
If you're already taking it, I hope that you've weighed some of these options in your head first..
And for those that haven't taken it, don't think it can't happen to you.. I didn't think any sides would ever come about.. How many sides are listed with Tylenol, or motrin, or cold medicine etc?? And I've never received any sides from any of that.. My derm was an Accutane slappy who'd prescribe it to anyone that walked thru the door.. I, unfortunately cannot change this part of my life, but I think about it every single day.
If you wouldn't trade even one of these side effects for acne, try something else..
Side effects after taking Accutane.
Hair thinned whilst on it and it never returned. Back and sides of head also thinned so it wasn't due to mpb or anything. Honestly haven't lost hair since, but it just changed the whole texture of my hair and made it thin and wispy. I used to have very thick hair so this one was debilitating for a 17 year old male (when I took it)
Dry eyes Has gotten a little better, but still very sensitive to light and wind
Dry nose Never had one singular nose bleed before Accutane, and I'd wake up with my entire pillow covered in blood while on and it scared the shit out of me.. Nosebleeds still happen almost monthly now(not that bad of a side, just annoying)
Anal bleeding Filled the toilet bowl with blood once I started Accutane and I still have bleeding, not as bad, but still just so insane to think how much it changed me
Ulcerative colitis I have mild ulcerative colitis now that comes in waves.. Have extreme urgency to go to the bathroom if I have to go and it's sometimes a lot more manageable than others. When it's bad, I'll go 4-5+ times a day, and if I eat a trigger I almost have to run to the bathroom. Blood everytime I wipe
Hypo pigmentation My entire face lightened slightly. It was subtle, but enough for me to notice. My face also doesn't tan to the same extent as the rest of my body anymore.. Can't really explain this one.. I got used to it, but it's still weird to think about
Dry, fragile skin, sunken skin My skin is still dry and fragile after taking.. It seemed like it almost thinned my skin.. Under eye circles became apparent and my whole face gained a slight gaunt look to it.. Almost hollow.. If you don't experience it, it's hard to explain
Pre epiphyseal plate closure This one has actually been the single hardest one for me to live with.. I'm not sure why my body reacted so adversely to this drug, but it did.. And now that I'm 30, and given the other sides that I had, I 100% chalk this up to Accutane.
I'm the only person I know who did not get even 1cm wider from when I was 17-30.. One of my buddies just recently shared a picture of all of us from high school and we all look like babies.. Every one of them was so narrow and just smaller statured in the pic.. I still have the exact same body.. Exact same.. My face matured, but I honestly feel like a man stuck in a boys body.. And it's hard looking around at everyone who's grown wider and filled out as they became a man.. Even my sisters grew quite a bit wider from when they were in high school. You don't realize it now, but look around next time you're out and pay attention to the difference between high school boys and adult men. That's the single greatest difference. It's the width of their shoulders and torso. And this is something I have to live with for the rest of my life..
Your clavicles are supposed to be the last bones in your body to quit developing (around 25) but I fully believe now that mine stopped at 17. Your ribs are supposed to expand the most up til you're 20 and then a little more between 20-30.. I believe they stopped at 17..
This one, obviously, took a long time for me to recognize because it's something that you don't know until you're 25 or 30 and you have the exact same body as when you were 17..
Again, this is my story.. And I'm just telling it.. I'm not trying to "fear monger", but provide awareness that there are VERY real side effects that are very possible. For ANYONE.. Seriously, I would've never ever thought that it'd be possible that any of this would've happened, but I also wasn't made aware of a lot of these that I listed, so if you're uncomfortable with any of them, I would 100% recommend not taking Accutane.
If you do decide that your acne is severe and you're willing to trade it for any/all of these sides.. Make sure you trust your derm.. Ask for an xray of your clavicles to see if your growth plates are still open and if you can do it again during and after treatment..
Ask about potentially lower dose spread out. There have been less sides reported in this cohort of those taking Accutane than the 1mg/kg group..
submitted by sparky_burner to Accutane [link] [comments]


http://swiebodzin.info