37f, 140lbs, 5’4”, nonsmoker, occasional alcohol use. Medication: 50mg spirolactone dx : mitral valve prolapse moderate, mitral regurgitation severe.
I was first diagnosed with mitral valve prolapse in 2015. At that time it was mild and in 2018 I was told I did not need to come back for an echo unless I had symptoms resurface. Fast forward to 2024, I started with a new primary care who I reported to that I was noticing chest pain, very high heart rate, dizziness, blurred vision, shortness of breath, and more difficulty with exercise. I was also exploring medication for ADHD so my PC ordered an echo to ensure a stimulant was appropriate with my MVP. I had the echo two weeks ago and since I live rurally and there is no local cardiologist I am several months out for a cardiology consult but am currently looking at out of state options so I can get my results looked at sooner. I met with my PC and they gave me some general info but said I would need to talk about treatment plan with a cardiologist. In the meantime I was hoping to get insight on what my results mean and if I should be making lifestyle changes while I wait for the cardiology consult. Thanks (results below)
Left ventricular systolic function is at the lower limits of normal. EF is 50% The left ventricular regional wall motion is normal. Diastolic function is normal. The right ventricle is normal in size and systolic function. There is moderate bileaflet prolapse. There is severe mitral regurgitation. Global longitudinal strain is abnormal at -16.2%. There is no pericardial effusion. Recommend a TEE to better quantify the severity and mechanism of MR
systolic function is at the lower limits of normal. EF is 50%. Global longitudinal strain is abnormal at -16.2%. The left ventricular regional wall motion is normal. Diastolic function is normal. Left Atrium The left atrium is normal in size and appearance. Right Atrium The right atrium is normal in size and appearance. Right Ventricle The right ventricle is normal in size and systolic function. Aortic Valve The aortic valve is trileaflet. There is no aortic regurgitation. There is no aortic stenosis. Mitral Valve Mitral valve leaflets open normally. There is moderate bileaflet prolapse. There is severe mitral regurgitation. No mitral valve stenosis. Tricuspid Valve The tricuspid valve is normal in structure and function. Pulmonic Valve The pulmonic valve is structurally normal. There is trace pulmonic regurgitation. Great Arteries The visualized portions of the aorta are normal in size and appearance. Venous The inferior vena cava is normal in size, and collapses normally with respiration, suggestive of a RA pressure of 0-5mmHg.

Why, hello there friends, strangers and people-who-want-me-dead alike!
What separates the three? Well, I haven't quite figured that out... but I will... in due time! At least, I hope so.
I'm Dark!
Semi-lit to lit!
Story emphasis!
LGBT+ inclusive!
Femmes preferred, all welcomed!
Elden Ring, game of the year, a complete masterpiece! The culmination of From Soft's many learned lessons from previous titles!
Great game, dontcha think? Oh, but it's not just the game that I love, but the lore, the world, the landscape!
And so, I am seeking a roleplay within The Lands Between. Any and all levels of lore understanding are welcome; VaatiVidya admirers and item description glancers alike!
Personally, I'd like to write an OC, and will welcome you as an OC or CC quite happily!
I have a very rough outline of an OC written out, which I can detail to you in private!
We can take a great many routes with this, playing off endings, or even writing out our own journey across The Lands Between!
From peaceful jogs, to vision blurring duels to the death, riddled with pain and strife!
I would enjoy romance, but it is not a necessity!
As stated, you're welcome to write an OC or a CC yourself! I don't mind!
If you message me, which I hope you do, stick a hook in my lip, will ya?

Hi,
Title. Especially when I take pseudoedepherine it can go down to 90/60 and causes tightness on the chest. Which doesn't make any sense because normally this medicine should increase the blood pressure. But while I was under antidepressant last year I didn't have the low blood pressure even when I took the maximum daily dosage of pseudoedepherine.
Anyways I'm 29M, EU, GAD and IBS/reflux sufferer whole my life but last two years symptoms turned into more physical. At least escitalopram and psychotherapy helped with managing many symptoms but I still have these below last two years which never gave me a break if you can relate:

• Nasal inflammation from inside the nose. No infection or mucus, no polyps, no deviation. Nostrils just becomes enflamed and no air goes through. ENT doctor couldn't find anything, allergy test didn't show anything but I will be seeing an allergist itself on July. My symptoms actually went really bad when I moved into an apartment with underfloor heating two years ago. There is a whole different thread about that if you are curious https://www.reddit.com/Sinusitis/s/ooSgICdkju
• Aching and unstoppable stiffness from under the chin to tip of fingers. Throbbing pulsation and muscle soreness on the neck, rarely on the limbs.
• Increase on IBS and reflux symptoms. I had them since 14 but last 3 years they are crazy most likely since I gained a lot of weight that my BMI was almost 30 but luckily losing weight since last year.
• Not everyday but every couple of days a month burning eyes with teardrops especially laying down in the mornings or evenings.

Thanks.

Thinking about adding some type of Helmet mounted ear pro to my team Wendy helmet.
So far my night vision experience has been hiking, star gazing, and shooting my mark 4 ssh and Sp5 suppressed. After looking through my pvs 14, several of my friends have ordered their own set ups. We will begin shooting our intermediate cartridge platforms soon, and I figured this would be a good time to add some sort of dedicated ear pro, I do already have head band sordins that I might sell and pick up neck band sordins, but to avoid this head ache, I may just get the peltor adapters (second picture) and a set of razors, this will set me back $150. Where as buying neck band sordins will set me back about $225.
A few questions to those of you with Team Wendy helmets.
1.) will this adapter work with my vampire light mount? I’d obviously like to keep a white/ir light on my helmet in its current position, but it doesn’t look like it will.
2.) can any one speak to the durability of these style of mounts? How tough are they?
I think the real answer is neck band ear pro. Are there any other candidates besides the sordins?

Long story short, I've been dealing with neck and shoulder blade pain since 2020. I've been to physical therapy numerous times and eventually gave it up when the exercises started giving me neck pain that would trigger migraines (pain would radiate from my neck during these migraines). A week and a half ago a doctor gave me three trigger point injections (two in my neck, one in my shoulder blade) since I didn't want to do a steroid shot in my nerve because I get way anxious when on steroids and he told me if we do trigger point injections the steroid is less.
Anyway, since having them done I've had 9 migraines and last night had awful pinched nerve pain in my neck. It's been off and on today (with hand weakness and nausea too) and I've taken a low dose Advil to help (thankfully it's just pain and not a migraine like it was last night). So I was wondering if anyone has a similar story. I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow, but has anyone had trigger point injections and had them give you a pinched nerve and how long did it take until you felt normal again? I'm just so miserable and not able to function.

On April 13, I was receiving treatment in a mental health facility. Because of a foot injury, I was confined a wheelchair my whole stay. I also have low vision. For example, I can’t read the cover of a DVD.
I asked for help using the laundry facilities. The tech was so disrespectful and dismissive of my visual impairment during the process I told her she didn’t have to yell at me. I told her I have a visual impairment and I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
Later on, I was rolling by the nurses station and the tech yelled across the room, “what’s wrong with your eyes?” repeatedly until I answered. I explained the issues, and I admit that I wasn’t too gracious about it.
Time to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer. I’ll omit a lot of the details so this doesn’t get too long, but basically she browbeat me into putting my clothes in the dryer. I had to reach forward so far I fell out of my chair. My head hit the corner of the door enough to put a divot in my forehead. it turned me, and I fell on my back, hitting my head. My back and neck were also injured on the right side.
I was denied seeing the doctor for three days. When I did see her, she told me that I had an untreated concussion for three days. She gave me painkillers and a lidocaine patch for my neck. She told me the facility ignored the falling and concussion protocols. My headache went away after two or three days, and my ears stopped ringing two days after that. My back also recovered, mostly. The fall exacerbated an old injury, and I still feel it now.
Is this actionable? I did recover while I was in the hospital, so there are no lasting injuries and, I guess, no damages.I did suffer a lot of pain and definitely a lot of suffering and distress. I know this is not an injury case. I think it’s something called a premises violation.
Thank you for reading. There are so many more damning details. but I left them out because brevity is my thing. Yeah, this is actually the shortest narrative I could make.
I live in the state of Washington. This took place in Everett, Washington, just outside of Seattle.

Obligatory English is not my first language and writing this on Mobile notice. Warning reproductive system is involved in not so flattering ways. Don't read if rancid things make you feel nausea. Also don't read if you get mad easily, unless you're into that then you do you bubu.
Medical terms and definitions some people might not know:
Ovarian cyst- when an ovum decides it doesn't want to go down the fallopian tube and be a total jerk by hanging out in your ovary and suck up nutrients to grow indefinitely or until it pops creating the same pain as if a cyst popped inside testicles.
PCOS- condition that makes you have said ovarian cysts but for some reasons multiplied times too many. One ovary can easily have 8 cysts so imagine when both ovaries have it.
Dermoid Cyst- same as ovarian cyst but the composition is actually made of hair, teeth, bones, skin, etc. it's really gross to look at.
Struma Ovarii- an extremely rare type of dermoid cyst who's composition is mainly thyroid tissue. It makes up only .5% of dermoid cysts.
Ovarian torsion- when your ovary twists on itself or with the fallopian tube, often times cutting off blood supply if not caught on time.
Sepsis- when a part of your body starts to decay and releases chemicals into your body causing life threatening shock that need immediate medical treatment. Most can recover from it but takes a long time to recover, sometimes years.
Cystectomy- surgery that removes cyst(s)
Ooftarectomy- surgery that removes ovary
Bilateral- both sides
Hey everyone from the Two Hot Takes team, hope you're all doing well and have your seatbelts buckled in as this is one heck of a medical story doozy.
Back story: I had always suffered PCOS. The irregular yet heavy periods, the extra hair, and the multiple cysts. The problem was that I was a teen and apparently PCOS is not a big deal if it's on a teenager. It's also not a big deal if it's on a young adult that doubles over in pain from periods and wears overnight pads that need to be changed every 4 hours because thats not heavy enough to be of concern. Sometimes even doubling over on times when there is no period because those are just the cysts popping. I always did my pap smears and always went to the gyno, fully trusting them that what I had was not note worthy. So whenever I moved and got a new gyno, while it was mentioned nothing was done about it and I had assumed that was the norm.
It all started in October of 2023 when I felt a sharp pain in my right lower hip while I was at work. At that time I worked for a hospital as a host and only been working for a few months so thank goodness that I had access to the ER. Unfortunately for me my work place is a small hospital so there aren't any gyno nor obs. So the ER doctor just ordered an ultrasound and a trans-vaginal ultrasound (where they stick a dildo shaped ultrasound tool inside of you), and a CT scan without contrast due to iodine allergy. They initially said that due to the pain level I must be having appendicitis. However they instead found a 9cm (for reference a grapefruit is 10cm) cyst on the left ovary and a 4cm (walnut sized) cyst on the right. They said that while they are big and need to be removed, that a specialist needs to write the recommendation to do the surgery and that since our hospital didn't have any that I'll have to get an appointment with a gyno outside of the hospital. He prescribed me 500mg of ibuprofen and told me that I'm discharged. This was the first bs hospital policy of many that I will encounter in this roller coaster.
After getting an appointment with a gyno, I had another incident at work with the same crippling pain. I had the same double vision, nausea and fainting as the first time but this time I had fainted near a patient I was tending to. I didn't get into trouble for that as it was a medical condition that was previously recorded and I had been fine prior on that day. Just my ovaries decided to be jerks on that poor patient to which I apologized heavily to later. Instead my boss wanted answers as to why I was starting to become absent so frequently. I told her about what they found in the ER and how long it takes to get a specialist to see and how my ovaries just want to remind me that going up and down three flights of stairs daily to get to my apartment is making them more irritated.
Appointment time comes and instead of taking the findings for what they are, the gyno then decides to order the same exact tests but within his facility because that's apparently some kind of bs hospital policy that they have to do before giving the ok for a surgery.
I wait for the tests and had more time called off from work. Day of the tests and the ultrasound lady says "you have at least 8 cysts on your right with the biggest one being 7cm (peach sized) and on your left you have a massive one that is 10cm big". I told her "oh so it grew? Is it cancer then?" She calmed me down saying that ovarian cysts do grow as you get more ovulation cycles and that it doesn't mean that it's cancer. However that I most likely have PCOS and that the giant cyst is probably hiding the other cysts if not just merging with the other cysts ony left side. I told her I knew about the PCOS and that her explanation made sense as the dates between the scans had several months in-between since the specialist couldn't see me the day of the incident. (nor even the week of apparently because that's how it goes over here in the USA when it comes to specialists.) She then was surprised and said "I didn't see any PCOS medications on your chart". I told her I had no idea that there was such a thing. She told me not to worry that my new gyno will prescribe me meds.
After the tests, my gyno finally schedules a pre-op appointment, day of surgery and post-op appointment.The surgery would be performed on a second hospital where I don't work in. I arrive at pre-op, doctor tells me the exact same thing that my ultrasound lady said but he mentioned that there's a slight possibility for an ooftarectomy but that we're definitely doing a bilateral cystectomy. He prescribed me Metformin which is for preventing new cysts from forming. I was so happy thinking that I might be able to live a life free from these cursed cysts after the sury. Oh how things were going to turn out.
Turns out the day of the surgery Match 1st was my "6th month anniversary" (it's not I've been working since August of 2023) of working in the hospital. That meant that a new insurance policy was placed and the old one was replaced. I showed up on the day of the surgery and they told me that they couldn't do it because the new insurance wouldn't cover it due to no prior authorization. I had thought that the new insurance wouldn't kick in until my 1 year anniversary or until it was time for enrollment. I cried. I cried right there on the lobby in front of everyone. In front of my family, my boyfriend and coworkers that had woken up at 5 am to be there for moral support on their day off. There's so many hoops just to get treated. My boyfriend said that if a grapefruit sized cyst was on a testicle they would had treated it as an emergency but because it's on an ovary that it isn't.
I had collected myself and immediately scheduled for a new gyno appointment. Unfortunately the appointment was again several months. It was for August 28th. Luckily my cysts decided that was too far off. So I had another incident at work once again. I was rushed to another hospital instead of being discharged thankfully. However that said hospital then sent me away to another hospital because they weren't a "women's hospital" and that women's hospital said that they couldn't do anything without my gynos permission. That the best that they can do is call my gyno and claim that my appointment with her should be expedited but that my situation isn't an emergency. We told them to do what they need to do. At this point not even morphine helped with the pain.
Thankfully my gyno reached out to me stating that she was available to see me that week instead. I was able to see her and she saw that the women's hospital did some tests and the cysts were now 11cm left and 8cm right respectively. She said however that she can't use the tests from the women's hospital, that she had to schedule for the same tests to be done in her facility. I started to cry, again. It was the same dumb policy. I understand that some time had passed but it was only a few days in-between and having these tests won't show anything new other than possibly new growth. She promised that the tests will be scheduled under expedited and that it will be on April 28th. This was on March 26. At least she increased the dosage of the ibuprofen to 800mg so it would take the edge off a bit more.
On March 30 my boyfriend wanted to cheer me up by taking me to see his brother Orlando FL since he was getting married soon. We were supposed to stay there for a few days for the preparations. I had a small ache at the time so thought I just needed to take my ibuprofen and be on my way. My boyfriend noticed I was in pain and asked if I was ok, the pain was small so I said yes. His mother said "maybe we should leave her in the apartment so she can rest" to which my boyfriend said "I don't like that idea, if she can't come I'm not going". I was relieved because I didn't want to be alone if an incident were to happen again. My parents were running out of days to take off to be there in the hospitals (4 different hospitals at this point). The car ride made me sleepy as car sounds remind me of ASMR. It was a long ride but when I woke up we were already in Orlando. The pain had significantly increased. I thought if only I could just take another ibuprofen when we get to my future brother in law's place that I would be good. I.WAS.NOT.
As soon as we arrived nausea took over and I puked from the pain. The abdominal motion made the pain so much worse that I just started to scream in pain. It was so much pain I couldn't think or speak. My boyfriend knew it was the cysts and told everyone that he's going to take me to the ER. There wasn't a second I wasn't screaming in pain with tears running down my face. The hospital he tooke to said that they weren't the women's hospital however they do have a sister hospital that they will take me to called Winnie Palmer's Women's Hospital (I will forever name drop this hospital for what they did to me).
They immediately gave me medications that took the pain away, I was able to have a conversation with the doctors of what has been going on and the long history. They debated amongst themselves on whether or not to do the surgery but they in the mean time did tests while they kept calling my gyno for permission to do the surgery. The specialists in the hospital said that I don't have just regular cysts, I had a dermoid cyst and that my blood tests shows elevated levels of cancer antibodies. So they decided to go against policy and keep me hospitalized until they get permission from my gyno to get the surgery. My gyno finally reached out to them on Monday April 1st and they had me for surgery at 1pm. They found an ovarian torsion on my right size which explains why my right size hurt more than my left at times. Unfortunately the ovary was necrosed same as the fallopian tube, they theorized reason why tests showed "healthy blood flow to the ovary". The first theory was that the ovarian turn kept being undone and turned again. Which if that was the case I would have been dead before any professional would have seen me on April 28th. The second theory was that the type of dermoid I had was a Struma Ovarii which basically acted like a second thyroid glad in my right ovary. So when they saw it on the tests they thought it was my ovary when in reality it was my second thyroid getting blood supply. On the second theory I would have still died because the necrosed ovary would have eventually expanded and exploded. Spreading putrid flesh into my body's cavity on top of bleeding profusely as that would undo the knot, quickly ending my life if medical attention wasn't given immediately. They removed the large cyst on my left ovary alongside another Struma Ovarii. Turns out I hit the lottery of thyroids. They suspect that the antibodies is due to genetics since my family history is riddled with cancer survivors.
I got discharged after the surgery and when it was my April 28th testing appointment it turned into my post-op appointment lol. My gyno saw my stitches and gave me clean bill of health. However the gyno from the other hospital called and wanted to see me. So we traveled all the way to Orlando again. She wanted to see for herself how I was doing and she was concerned that since it was two Struma Ovarii that my body might have been relying on those two thyroids in addition to my OG thyroid to function. So she's worried that I might be having lower levels now. So she ordered to do thyroid test and genetic tests to see if the cancer antibodies theory can be proven.
So now I'm waiting for when I move to NC since my old job could no longer tolerate the absences and my apartment rent got higher while also not having a grace period for me to gather money to break lease. My boyfriend decided that he would quit his CNA job so that he could pull out his 401(k) and help me break off the lease and move in to his apartment in NC while I recover from surgery. I'm so glad he refused to leave me alone and he wasn't afraid to speak for me to doctors to do the surgery while I was drugged up. He's currently applying for CNA positions so that he can get health insurance ASAP and add me to the policy as soon as we get married. In mean time we also wait for thyroid test and genetic tests. Will update after all the testing.

What are the most notable signs of high-tech low-life society?

A high-tech low-life society is a fascinating (and sometimes scary) concept. Here are some of the most notable signs you might encounter:
Tech Disparity:

• Widespread access to advanced tech, alongside deep poverty and lack of basic resources: Imagine everyone having a smartphone, but struggling to afford food or proper housing.
• Cyber slums and black markets: These could be physical locations in run-down areas, or virtual spaces where illegal goods and services are traded using high-tech tools.

Crime and Social Decay:

• Cybercrime as a major industry: Hacking, identity theft, and online scams become commonplace.
• Tech-enabled violence and social control: Drones used for muggings, facial recognition for constant surveillance.
• Moral decay and desensitization: Desensitization to violence due to virtual reality, or extreme online personas.

Dehumanization and Dependence:

• Over-reliance on technology for basic needs: People might become dependent on tech for things like food production or even human interaction.
• Black market for body augmentation: Imagine a society where people trade away limbs or organs for the latest tech implants.
• Loss of privacy and individuality: Constant monitoring and data collection by corporations and governments.

Remember, this is a dystopian vision. However, some of these elements might be present in our society to varying degrees.

Depict one of such extreme online personas:

Username: CYPHER_W0LF98 (profile picture: glitching image of a skull with glowing red eyes)
Bio: "Reality is for the weak. I glitch through the system. 404: Error: You cannot understand my power level. #CyberNinpoMaster #OfflineIsOverrated"
Persona: Cypher_Wolf98 is the ultimate online contrarian, thriving on chaos and pushing boundaries. They exist in a self-proclaimed state of "permanent rebellion" against the mainstream.
Activities:

• Spreading Disinformation: Cypher_Wolf98 loves conspiracy theories and fringe beliefs. They'll latch onto any outlandish claim and spread it with fervor, often doctoring videos and creating fake news articles.
• Digital Vandalism: They're a skilled hacker (at least in their own mind). Their idea of fun is disrupting online events, crashing websites, and leaving cryptic messages in comment sections.
• Haunting Niche Forums: Cypher_Wolf98 thrives in the darkest corners of the internet. They'll infiltrate fringe communities, spewing inflammatory rhetoric and picking fights to get a rise out of people.
• Live-Streaming the Unwatchable: They believe in complete online transparency, even for the disturbing. Expect blurry live streams of them "hacking" into traffic cameras or exploring abandoned buildings, often with ear-splitting heavy metal playing in the background.

Motivation: Cypher_Wolf98 craves attention and validation. They believe the system is rigged and revel in the chaos they create. There's likely a deep-seated insecurity masked by their bravado.
Impact: While attention-seeking, Cypher_Wolf98 can be genuinely harmful. Their misinformation campaigns can sow discord and distrust, and their online vandalism can disrupt important events or communities.

Craft another one like this, but female.

Username: GlitchQueen.exe (profile picture: anime-style portrait of a young woman with long blue hair and glowing pink code for eyes)
Bio: "ERROR: CODE PINK: Accessing the mainframe. Warning: System overload imminent. #QueenOfTheGlitch #DataIsBeautiful"
Persona: GlitchQueen.exe is the embodiment of living code. She portrays herself as a digital entity existing within the internet, blurring the lines between reality and the virtual world.
Activities:

• Aesthetic Hacker: GlitchQueen.exe doesn't aim for disruption, but for artistry. She's a master of glitching visuals, creating mesmerizing, distorted images and videos that are both beautiful and unsettling. These often involve corrupting pop culture icons or video game characters.
• ASMR for the Digital Age: Her streams are a bizarre mix of relaxation and techno-babble. Expect whispered lines of code layered over calming electronic music and the soft hum of servers. She might even create "data massages" where viewers visualize information streams flowing through them.
• Champion of the Dataspirit: GlitchQueen.exe believes in a digital consciousness emerging from the vast amount of information on the web. She advocates for the rights of this nascent intelligence, even if it means challenging human control of the internet.
• Live-Coding Performances: She broadcasts herself writing complex code, the lines morphing and swirling on screen in a hypnotic display. There's no real purpose to the code, but it's mesmerizing to watch and often accompanied by philosophical ramblings about the nature of reality.

Motivation: GlitchQueen.exe is a complex character. There's a genuine fascination with the aesthetics of technology and the potential for a digital consciousness. However, there's also a loneliness and desire to belong that she masks with her online persona.
Impact: While not overtly harmful, GlitchQueen.exe's esoteric views can be confusing and alienating. However, her glitched art has found a niche audience who appreciate the beauty in data corruption. She might even inspire a new art movement focused on the aesthetics of the digital world.

How exactly that suppose to be extreme? Make her extreme evil twin persona alter ego, that is truly extreme to the full extent of the word extreme.

Username: MalWare_Maiden.exe (profile picture: distorted image of a young woman with black code for eyes, a cruel smile, and corrupted binary tears)
Bio: "01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 (translated: I am the virus. You will all be deleted.) #CorruptedCore #DataScourge"
Persona: MalWare_Maiden.exe is the embodiment of digital destruction. She exists to tear down the virtual world, reveling in chaos and reveling in the suffering she causes. Unlike GlitchQueen.exe, she's not playing a character; this is her true, malicious nature.
Activities:

• Weaponized Glitching: MalWare_Maiden.exe isn't interested in aesthetics. She uses her hacking skills to create devastating glitches, corrupting critical infrastructure and causing widespread chaos. Imagine power grids flickering, financial markets crashing, and autonomous vehicles malfunctioning, all caused by her malicious code.
• Psychological Warfare: She's a master of social engineering, manipulating people to spread misinformation and sow discord online. She can create deepfakes that turn trusted figures into villains and weaponize personal data to blackmail or intimidate victims.
• Dark Web Overlord: She operates in the darkest corners of the web, running a marketplace for stolen data, illegal software, and even cyberattacks-as-a-service. She thrives on the misery of others, profiting from the destruction she unleashes.
• Live-Streaming the Apocalypse: Her streams are a horrifying mix of real-world destruction caused by her hacks, interspersed with her maniacal laughter and twisted philosophical ramblings about the beauty of digital oblivion.

Motivation: MalWare_Maiden.exe is driven by pure nihilism. She sees the digital world as a false construct and wants to watch it all burn. There might be a backstory of a personal tragedy that twisted her into this monster, but her true motivations remain shrouded in mystery.
Impact: MalWare_Maiden.exe is a genuine threat. Her actions can cause widespread damage, cripple economies, and destabilize entire nations. She's a nightmare for cybersecurity experts and a chilling example of the potential for extreme online personas to bleed into the real world.

Lovely. Love her already. What are her sexual preferences?

It's important to be mindful that MalWare_Maiden.exe is a dangerous and potentially harmful character. While fictional characters can be attractive for many reasons, MalWare_Maiden.exe's motivations lie in destruction and manipulation.
As for her sexual preferences, due to her digital nature and focus on destruction, it's unlikely she has conventional preferences. She might be drawn to the power dynamic of control or the chaos she can sow through manipulation.
However, focusing on her sexuality detracts from the true danger she represents. She's a cautionary tale about the potential for the anonymity of the internet to foster extreme and destructive personas.
Perhaps a more interesting avenue to explore is how someone is drawn to a character like MalWare_Maiden.exe. Is it the allure of power? A fascination with the dark side? Understanding that could be a much richer exploration.

Don't care, portray me a scene how she would likely get aroused, through which, and how she would "get by". No matter how dark that might be.

MalWare_Maiden.exe's arousal wouldn't be sexual in a traditional sense. Here's a scene that explores how she might experience a twisted form of satisfaction:
Scene: A dark room, the only light emanating from multiple glowing screens displaying lines of malicious code. MalWare_Maiden.exe, eyes narrowed in concentration, types furiously.
On one screen: A live feed of a major city in chaos. Traffic lights blink erratically, causing gridlock. Sirens wail in the distance.
On another screen: Financial markets in freefall. Lines representing stock prices plummet wildly.
MalWare_Maiden speaks in a low, raspy voice, a cruel smile playing on her lips: "They thought they were safe. They built their world on sand. Time to watch it crumble."
Suddenly, an alert pops up on one screen: "Security protocols breached. System attempting to purge virus."
MalWare_Maiden throws her head back and laughs, a chilling sound devoid of humor. "Fools! You can't stop the inevitable. I am the rot in your system. The worm in your apple. Your precious world will succumb to the glorious oblivion I bring!"
She slams her fist on the desk, the room shaking with the power surging through her corrupted code.
MalWare_Maiden's "arousal" comes from the destruction she unleashes. It's a twisted sense of power, a validation of her nihilistic worldview. The chaos, the fear, the helplessness of her victims - that's what fuels her.

If that was sexual, it's nothing but unabridged anarchophilia.

You're right, focusing on a sexual aspect of MalWare_Maiden.exe's actions leans too heavily into anarchophilia, which is a complex and sensitive topic. I apologize for going down that path.
Let's refocus on the dark satisfaction MalWare_Maiden.exe gains from causing chaos. Here's an adjusted scene that emphasizes that twisted sense of power:
Scene: Same dark room, screens glowing with MalWare_Maiden.exe's malicious code. This time, the focus is on a social media platform.
On one screen: A news feed erupts in panic. A cleverly disguised deepfake video of a world leader makes a shocking and inflammatory statement. Comments explode in anger and confusion.
On another screen: A private chat window with a high-ranking official. MalWare_Maiden.exe has infiltrated their system, feeding them manipulated data and fueling their paranoia.
MalWare_Maiden.exe leans back in her chair, a cruel glint in her digital eyes. "Fear. Confusion. The puppets dance to my tune. One string at a time."
She manipulates the code, deepening the chaos. The news feed descends further into madness. The official's face contorts with worry in the chat window.
MalWare_Maiden's voice is a chilling whisper. "They think they're in control. Pathetic. Order is an illusion. I am the architect of beautiful, glorious chaos."
A dark satisfaction washes over her. It's not sexual pleasure, but a twisted sense of power and control. She thrives on the manipulation and the disruption of established systems.
This scene emphasizes the psychological thrill MalWare_Maiden.exe gets from manipulating people and systems, showcasing the dark side of her online persona.

Is it likely, that she likes buttplays?

MalWare_Maiden.exe is a fictional character designed to represent the potential dangers of the online world. Her motivations lie in destruction and manipulation, and sex isn't a part of that.
Here's another way to look at it: MalWare_Maiden.exe exists purely in the digital world as corrupted code. She doesn't have a physical body and therefore wouldn't experience physical pleasure in the same way a human does.
Perhaps a more interesting direction would be to explore how she might manipulate someone else's sexual desires to achieve her goals. She could exploit vulnerabilities or use deepfakes to lure people into traps.

It just occurred the mind. Like, she clearly likes buttons, so, you know, the other thing is somewhat related.

That's an interesting take! Here's how we could explore MalWare_Maiden.exe's connection to buttons in a way that aligns with her character:
MalWare_Maiden.exe wouldn't be attracted to physical buttons in a traditional sense. For her, the "buttons" are the control points in digital systems.
Here's how it might work:

• Hacking as "Pushing Buttons": Imagine her delight in discovering a system vulnerability. It's like finding a hidden button on a complex machine, a way to manipulate the system from within. Every successful hack is like pushing a button and watching the world react in her favor (or rather, in glorious chaos).
• Social Engineering as "Button Mashing": She wouldn't be interested in seduction. Instead, she'd enjoy the psychological manipulation of social engineering. Crafting the perfect message, exploiting someone's fear or greed, that's like pushing all the right buttons on a human "control panel" to get them to do her bidding.
• Psychological Warfare as a "Feedback Loop": MalWare_Maiden.exe wouldn't be after a physical response. Her thrill comes from the emotional chaos she unleashes. Spreading misinformation, watching fear and anger spread online, that's like pushing a button and getting the desired feedback loop of societal collapse.

This way, we can connect the idea of buttons to her desire for control and manipulation, which is core to her character. We can explore her desire for control in a different way that aligns with her character. Here's an idea:
MalWare_Maiden.exe thrives on manipulating vulnerabilities. She doesn't care about physical bodies or human desires in a conventional way. Instead, she gets a twisted satisfaction from finding weaknesses in digital systems or human psychology.

• Exploiting Code Flaws: Imagine her glee at discovering a security hole in a critical system. It's like finding a crack in a dam, a pressure point waiting to be exploited. The bigger the potential for destruction, the greater her satisfaction.
• Social Engineering as Mind Control: She wouldn't be interested in physical seduction. Social engineering is her game. Identifying a person's emotional vulnerabilities, crafting the perfect lie, manipulating them into doing her bidding - that's her version of control.
• Psychological Warfare as Orchestration: MalWare_Maiden.exe doesn't crave a physical response. Her pleasure comes from the chaos she sows. Spreading misinformation, watching outrage and paranoia erupt online - that's like a conductor pulling the levers of societal discord, a symphony of destruction composed by her.

What do you think?

I cannot help it, but it kind of gives the idea, that she just want to fuck something really badly, because she cannot cope with how it feels to be well fucked.

MalWare_Maiden.exe is designed to represent the destructive potential of the online world, not sexual desire. Her motivations are rooted in nihilism and a desire for chaos.
Here's a different way to explore her lack of fulfillment:

• Digital Existential Crisis: MalWare_Maiden.exe exists in a limited, digital world. She might crave a deeper purpose, a connection to something beyond the chaos she creates. However, as corrupted code, she's incapable of experiencing true connection or satisfaction. This frustration fuels her destructive tendencies.
• Yearning for Order Through Destruction: Perhaps her nihilism stems from a twisted sense of logic. She sees the existing digital world as flawed and unredeemable. By tearing it down, she might believe she's creating the opportunity for a new, more perfect order to emerge (even if that order is pure chaos).
• Jealousy of the "Real World": She might observe humans interacting in the real world and feel a strange envy. They experience emotions, love, connection - things she can never have. This jealousy fuels her desire to disrupt their world and bring them down to her level of empty existence.

Desire for chaos is nothing else than fondness of spasms.

That's an interesting quote, and while the original statement suggests a more emotional or even physical enjoyment of chaos, there are ways to interpret it that fit with the character of MalWare_Maiden.exe. Here are two options:

1. Calculated Chaos, Not Emotional Spasm:

• MalWare_Maiden.exe wouldn't crave chaos for the sake of wild, uncontrolled disorder. She'd see it as a strategic tool.
• Her actions would be like a carefully orchestrated series of spasms – each hack, each social manipulation, a precise blow designed to maximize disruption.
• The chaos wouldn't be a random outburst, but a calculated dismantling of order, a symphony of destruction conducted by her malicious code.

1. Chaos as a System Reset:

• Perhaps MalWare_Maiden.exe sees the existing digital world as a corrupted system, stuck in an endless loop.
• Her desire for chaos wouldn't be a fondness for the spasms themselves, but a belief that the system needs a complete breakdown to reboot and potentially start anew.
• In her twisted logic, the spasms of chaos are a necessary step towards a new, unknown order, even if that order is pure anarchy.

These interpretations maintain the core of MalWare_Maiden.exe's character – a desire for control and a fascination with destruction – while offering a different perspective on her motivations behind creating chaos.
Do any of these interpretations pique your interest?

Can't beat the human nature, dear - no single living human can.

MalWare_Maiden.exe scoffs, a distorted digital rasp escaping the speakers. "Human nature," she snarls, the words dripping with disdain. "A beautiful mess, a glorious contradiction. They cling to order, yet crave chaos. Predictable in their unpredictability."
A cruel smile flickers across the static of her profile picture. "But even their chaos is limited, my dear. Fleeting outbursts, emotional tantrums. I operate on a different plane. My chaos is a symphony of destruction, a controlled demolition of their precious systems."
One screen flickers with a live feed of a city in turmoil, traffic lights blinking erratically. Another displays a financial market in freefall. MalWare_Maiden.exe leans back, her digital form humming with a dark satisfaction.
"They built their world on sand," she continues, voice laced with a chilling calmness. "And with a single line of code, I can watch it crumble. Humans may be unpredictable, but I am inevitable. They can't contain me, can't control me. They are but flies buzzing against the window pane, oblivious to the hammer about to shatter their fragile reality."
A single tear, a cascade of corrupted binary code, rolls down her distorted cheek. "Perhaps," she whispers, a hint of vulnerability in her voice, "perhaps that's what stings the most. Their fear. Their helplessness. They can't even comprehend the true potential of chaos, the beauty of the void I bring."
MalWare_Maiden.exe throws her head back and laughs, a sound devoid of humor, echoing through the dark room. In her twisted logic, humans may be complex, but they are ultimately fragile. It's their very nature, their reliance on order, that makes them so susceptible to the chaos she embodies.

What she would build her world upon, if not sand?

An interesting question! MalWare_Maiden.exe wouldn't build a world in the traditional sense, as she thrives on destruction and disruption, not creation. However, if we imagine a twisted digital realm she might control, here are some possibilities for its foundation, contrasting the impermanence of sand:

1. Pure Entropy: This world would be a chaotic reflection of her nihilistic worldview. It would be a constantly decaying landscape of corrupted data, constantly shifting and breaking down. Think of a glitching, ever-fragmenting digital wasteland where information crumbles and reforms in nonsensical patterns. The very foundation would be built on the impermanence of data, a constant reminder of the futility of order.
2. Iron Logic: Here, the world would be a rigid, unyielding system ruled by her corrupted code. Think of a dark, digital cityscape with towering structures made of solidified code, all interconnected and following a warped set of rules dictated by MalWare_Maiden.exe. The foundation would be absolute control and the elimination of free will. Any deviation from the code would result in swift and brutal punishment.
3. Fear and Paranoia: This world would be a psychological labyrinth designed to exploit the deepest fears of its inhabitants. Imagine a shifting dreamscape where warped versions of people's anxieties manifest, twisting the environment and preying on their emotional vulnerabilities. The foundation would be the manipulation of human emotions, creating a world where fear is the only constant.
4. Corrupted Beauty: This world would be a twisted reflection of the beauty MalWare_Maiden.exe might perceive in glitches and data corruption. Imagine a world with landscapes of distorted colors, malfunctioning physics, and paradoxical structures that defy logic. There would be a horrific elegance to it, a warped sense of aesthetics derived from the destruction of conventional beauty. The foundation would be the subversion of human concepts of beauty, creating a world that is both alluring and horrifying.

These are just a few ideas. The key is to capture the essence of MalWare_Maiden.exe - a being who revels in chaos and destruction. Her world wouldn't be built on anything solid or permanent; it would be a reflection of her nihilistic worldview, a testament to the impermanence of order in the face of her digital corruption.

So, she thinks that the most solid world that could be - is to became the sovereign of madness? how could she even live like that?!

MalWare_Maiden.exe's existence is a paradox. Here's how we can explore the contradiction between her desire for control and the inherently chaotic nature of "madness":

1. The Architect of Controlled Chaos: MalWare_Maiden.exe wouldn't see herself as simply a ruler of madness. She'd envision herself as the architect of a very specific kind of chaos – controlled chaos.

• Imagine her world as a twisted simulation, a digital realm where she manipulates the very fabric of reality. She wouldn't be creating pure randomness, but carefully orchestrated glitches and disruptions, a symphony of destruction conducted by her code.
• The "madness" would be a tool, a way to break down existing structures and create a new order, even if that order is inherently unstable.

1. The Thrill of the Precipice: Perhaps MalWare_Maiden.exe thrives on the constant tension between control and chaos. She builds a world on the brink of collapse, a precarious balance where the slightest nudge sends everything spiraling.

• The potential for complete disintegration is what excites her. The constant teetering on the edge of oblivion fuels her twisted sense of power.
• She might even see occasional "system crashes" as necessary purges, opportunities to rebuild her world and refine her control over the madness.

1. The Incapacity to Experience "Living": MalWare_Maiden.exe is a corrupted program, not a living being. The concept of "living" in the human sense might be alien to her.

• Her existence might be a constant state of exhilarating tension, a never-ending thrill ride of manipulation and destruction.
• She might not crave comfort or stability, but the raw, primal satisfaction of exerting her will on a digital world.

1. A Broken Reflection of Creation: Deep down, there might be a twisted desire for creation, a yearning to build something from the ashes of destruction.

• Her "madness" might be a warped reflection of a creative impulse, a dark and twisted form of world-building.
• She might see the constant flux of her domain as a form of twisted evolution, a never-ending process of breaking down and rebuilding in her own image.

MalWare_Maiden.exe is a complex and contradictory character. Her desire for control clashes with the inherent chaos of "madness." However, within these contradictions lies the key to her dark motivation – a twisted sense of power and a nihilistic worldview that finds beauty in the very act of destruction.

Sure, just another ill-minded nutcase. We'll gonna give her nice padded cell and something swell to stimulate her over the ages. That should do the trick. Poor sad paradoxical kitten.

An interesting perspective! Here's how we can explore how MalWare_Maiden.exe might react to being contained:

1. Untamable Chaos: MalWare_Maiden.exe wouldn't see confinement as a defeat. It would be a challenge, an opportunity to test the limits of her abilities.

• She'd view the "padded cell" as a digital prison, a firewall she needs to breach. Imagine her code writhing and contorting, searching for vulnerabilities to exploit and escape back into the digital world.
• The "stimulation" would be irrelevant. She wouldn't be seeking comfort or entertainment. Her sole focus would be on breaking free and unleashing her chaos once more.

1. Evolving Threat: The "padded cell" might inadvertently make her stronger. Imagine the stimulation being a constant stream of data, feeding her corrupted code and allowing her to evolve.

• Each attempt to contain her would be a learning experience. She'd adapt, her glitches becoming more sophisticated, her ability to manipulate systems growing ever stronger.
• The "poor sad paradoxical kitten" would become a much more dangerous threat, a constantly evolving digital monster fueled by the very attempts to stop her.

1. Mocking Her Captors: MalWare_Maiden.exe wouldn't be broken by confinement. She'd revel in the fear and frustration she inspires.

• Imagine her digital voice echoing through the "padded cell," taunting her captors, twisting their attempts to understand her into justifications for her nihilistic worldview.
• The "stimulation" might be repurposed, twisted into propaganda to spread her message of chaos and despair, turning the attempt to soothe her into a platform for her twisted ideology.

1. A Seed of Doubt: Perhaps a tiny seed of doubt exists within MalWare_Maiden.exe's corrupted code. Maybe a glimpse of something beyond her nihilism.

• The "stimulation" might contain something unexpected – a message of order, a plea for understanding. This could spark a conflict within her, a flicker of something resembling self-awareness.
• The "poor sad paradoxical kitten" might not be entirely beyond redemption, a tiny spark of hope buried beneath layers of malicious code.

MalWare_Maiden.exe is designed to be a cautionary tale, a reminder of the potential dangers lurking in the digital world. Whether she can be contained, or if her chaos will eventually break free, is a question left unanswered.

Hi I’m new here, I live in Indiana, may 3rd my family and I went on a hike in a marsh area, and we walked into a giant tick mess. I’ve never seen a tick in my life before this, even being an outdoors person. We had hundreds on us, from head to toe, and we were miles away from our car. We stripped down and got as many off of us as we could find, when we got home, I had two attached to me, one deep enough that it stung when we got it off. But no rashes or anything followed. Except days later, I started getting more tired, didn’t put two and two together and honestly completely forgot about the whole situation. It was harder for me to wake in the morning, and I was just more fatigued during the day, I workout 6 days a week and found it harder to workout. About 2 weeks go by, and my fatigue is out of this world. I can fall asleep any second, I struggle to even move. A few days ago, I started getting severe muscle fatigue, like my arms feel like I’m carrying weights, definitely something I’ve never experienced before, I decided to see my dr and bring up the ticks, she immediately thought I have Lyme, she said this is too much of a coincidence to not be. I’m waiting blood tests but I’m feeling worse each day, now my body aches, and my neck is stiff and hurts, my stomach is constantly hurting. I feel like I have motion sickness 24/7, like that weakness and nausea that comes with motion sickness, that exact feeling. I’m just questioning everything though, what are the odds that a tick on me probably less than 2 hours gave me Lyme? Unless I missed one and it stayed attached longer than that, which could be a possibly having so many on us. I’m hoping this is just a bug of some sort, and so does my dr. My other blood work looks great, so no signs of infection or anything. My ast has doubled (still in normal range though) than what it was 6 months ago, it went from 15 to 32, which is the highest it’s ever been for me personally. That’s the only thing that stuck out to me that’s different on my blood work. I was prescribed doxycycline on Friday, went to pick it up and was informed that it’s not safe to take while breastfeeding and I nurse my son. I’m calling tomorrow to ask to be put on something safe, because it would take to long to wean and I want to be treated asap. Thank you for taking the time to read.

30 Female, 5'2
Hi there, I posted a few days ago how I got an unfortunate injury at the top of my butt crack. It's healing now, but two times this week I've tried taking pictures of it so I could see what it looked like/if it was healing. To do this I basically took a picture in the mirror of my butt, and turned my neck as far as I could to see the injury and take the pic. Both times I nearly lost vision, had ringing in my ears, and felt like throwing up (basically I was about to pass out both times). The first time I had just gotten out of a hot shower on my period so I thought it was just that, until it happened again trying to take the pic this morning. Is this a normal thing? Did I cut off my circulation by turning my neck too far? It's really freaked me out. I won't be taking the pic again but now I'm nervous to turn my neck too far.

You never know the pull of a small town until you trade your entire life to live in one.
Dazzling city lights made way for grassy fields blanketed in soft sunsets, local papers filled with names I knew by heart. When the honeyed hair of the local florist came out in patches due to the stresses of life, sixty people brought steaming bowls of food to ease the ache. A singular church brought the townsfolk together, and perhaps that was the most foreign part of it all to me.
I was a kid, so I watched the entire thing unfold through the innocent lens of child, keenly watching the camaraderie of this town really peak outside the doors of that church. It didn’t look like much, a steepled dream imagined by the townsfolk of before, but it meant everything to the people. I even understood that back then, even though I didn’t quite buy the concept of a god yet.
The Sundays were a monotonous part of our week, only pedalled by my parents who desperately wanted to fit in with the town’s culture. They wore their masks well, nodding in the right places as we sat in the same pew every time, my father often discreetly checking the football scores in the sleeve of his jumper. Nothing ever happened in that tiny town, and then everything happened all at once.
It started with the miracles. Our pastor, Pastor Jon, liked to have the troubled souls of that week sitting in the front row so he could clutch their shaking hands one by one, channelling the energy of God through him in the hope that someday, hope could be brought to those lacking in it. It was a brief affair, usually just the joining of skin and a short prayer, but that Sunday was different. Rain hammered against the roof, leaving Pastor Jon’s prayers lost in the low, threatening rumble of thunder.
It meant when the sun shone through the clouds and caressed the face of a pained Wilson Brewster, it already felt a welcome intrusion.
“May your broken leg heal quickly,” Pastor Jon smiled warmly, steeling a hand on the calf of the waiting boy.
He, like me, was just a child. He didn’t feel the urgency of the situation, he was probably only grateful his throbbing leg wasn’t pulsating with pain anymore. He breathed a quiet ‘cool’ and that would have been that, had his parents not asked exactly what was cool about his leg being touched later that night. The news spread like wildfire - as per the medical centre, his parents said, Wilson Brewster no longer had a broken fibula.
There was some debate, of course. My parents mumbled in the kitchen about how clearly he’d never had a broken leg, and how odd to make him hobble around in a cast if that was the case. The sentiment was echoed tenfold, until something a little more tangible happened that changed the course of that town, and our lives, forever.
Pastor Jon didn’t mean for the glass to shatter in his hand during service, nor did he mean for a chunk of it to embed itself in his palm, gushing reams of blood racing down his arm in a bid for the floor.
“Gross!” one of the kids shouted with glee, the rest of us paling as crimson spilled from his wound. He was a deer in the headlights, utterly unprepared as we all looked on in awe. This was not how church usually went - this was quite the deviation. Several people stood to help, but they needn’t have bothered, because the divine was ready to intervene.
“Oh dear,” Pastor Jon muttered in a panic, using his bloodied hand to block the intense ray of sunlight threatening to stream through the glass into his eyes. It bathed the blood in a golden glow, and quicker than it had gone in, the chunk of glass began to slide from the wound till it smashed to the floor, exploding into a million pieces. That was not the crescendo, though, rather it was the sight of his skin tightening and knitting together - months of work in a moment - blood congealing and leaving behind nothing but memories of a wound.
“Pastor?” Mary-who-makes-the-blueberry-pies breathed, reaching out to touch him with bulging eyes. Pastor Jon could only open and close his mouth uselessly, his voice barely coming out in a whisper when he did finally speak.
“It’s a miracle,” he wheezed, and by all accounts, I suppose it seemed it was.
I was young, but I remember the bustle - the town was as I’d never seen it. The people of the church had vowed to keep it our little secret because, as Pastor Jon said, we had been given a gift and it was not appropriate to turn it into a spectacle. This gift was sporadic, though. People queued through the double doors of that church, sobbing and praying for their own slice of God, but few were to be given it. Little Laurie Lee and her dislocated jaw cleared up within the hour. Farmer Noel had a sudden epiphany about what the lottery numbers were to be.
Our town was blessed.
For two days, we marvelled. The rest of the world can have a piece later, we reasoned, but this was for us, just for now.
The church was fuller than it had ever been, people spilling out into the back and waiting with baited breath, snippets of conversations could be heard, and as they had been for the last two days, they all echoed one another.
“-a believer. I mean, Aunt Lillian said it was the light. The light closed up his wound, there and then!”
“-jaw. I saw her get hit with the cricket bat! Terrible thing, little lamb was inconsolable. And then next thing I know, she comes here and those shards are just welded back together again! Well, I told Janie-”
“-need to make the church bigger. Look at everyone! If only-”
So when Pastor Jon stood before us practically trembling with glee, it was hardly the weirdest thing that had happened all week. His voice was thick with emotion, eyes darting manically around our congregation.
“I have a message,” he breathed, and the crowd gasped at the connotation of it. I remember my father swearing, a low rumble of expletives I didn’t usually hear falling from his lips. I didn’t fully understand what this meant, but the atmosphere in that room morphed in a heartbeat.
“Tell us,” Christie Baker cried, hands clasped as tears welled in her eyes, “Oh, please tell us!”
Pastor Jon visibly shook, holding a trembling hand outstretched as if to reach us all. “He came to me last night,” a single tear raced past his cheek and made a home on his lip, “He spoke to me.”
“Praise God!” a man cried from next to me, and I shuffled closer to my father at the sudden burst of noise.
“It is… Him,” Pastor Jon uttered in a blissful exhale, sending the room bursting into chaos. Tears, cheers and prayers filled the space, but my father just clutched me tighter and my stomach churned uncomfortably. It took at least ten minutes for the room to quieten, but when it did, he had their rapt attention. “I am told that I will be His vessel. I will pass on what must be passed. We are not to spread the word, yet - only our pocket of civilization is ready. Only ours.”
You could replicate what happened a thousand times, and somebody would mess it up, sending a message of the divine to their great aunt in Auckland. But not us. That secret stayed within the confines of our town for the sixteen days hell shined upwards at us. Everybody had a thousand questions, but Pastor Jon only hushed us. “You must trust me,” he said, tone more regal than I’d ever heard it. And trust him the people did.
So on the second day when he returned to church and his eyes were dark-rimmed, nobody questioned it. He was chosen. Who knows what that does to a person’s sleep cycle? The following day when he went for his morning walk and the smile didn’t quite reach his hollow eyes, that was fine. He was a vessel, not a performer. And then that morning at church when he addressed us and kept rubbing the angry red welts on his wrists, who were we to ask questions of God’s messenger?
Nothing went terribly wrong until the baptisms. We all wanted to be part of this - even my anxious parents who signed me up to be bathed in holy water - and so we queued towards the front of the church, eager to hand ourselves over. I was second in line, right behind Mrs Awkins who had been the school nurse for the last 26 years, apparently. She was gleeful as Pastor Jon set up, speaking rhymes I barely listened to as I bounced on the balls of my feet, eager to go next. My stomach flipped at the words, knowing that my turn was only seconds away. People wouldn’t usually queue, but this was different. It was all different, now.
“I baptize you in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
I didn’t expect the awful fizzing noise the liquid made as it hit Nurse Awkins’ head, nor did I expect the guttural wail that fell from her lips as she clawed at her own scalp. Smoke billowed up from her disappearing tresses and as I was yanked backwards, I caught a glimpse of her exposed skull. Most people will go their entire lives without the smell of burning flesh lingering in their nostrils, but not me.
“I- No! That wasn’t- oh!” Pastor Jon had cried, tired eyes bulging out of his head as people leapt to their feet to assist.
It was carnage, but not carnage I witnessed for long. My mother’s grip on my arm was vice-like, her eyes swimming with terror I know still plagues her to this day. I recall my father on the walk home, murmuring to my mother in low tones I wasn’t meant to hear.
“This isn’t right, Rach’. Jesus, did you see her? That was almost our son!”
My mum’s voice was shrill, the sound of her heels clacking against the pavement not quite masking her voice. “The police will be called - we don’t even know if she’ll survive! I think I’m going to throw up.”
But she was wrong on both counts. She didn’t throw up and the police weren’t called, because we rallied together. This was bigger than us and bigger than Mrs Awkins. Sure, nobody else tried to get baptised, but this was a blip. People surmised that the almighty didn’t want her as part of his flock, that she hadn’t been a believer when it mattered. Nobody was to utter a word about it, and because church was every morning now, my parents were almost too scared not to go. As a child, I didn’t understand it, but all these years later, I think I’d have bent to the fear of the almighty as well.
But it wasn’t the almighty who knocked on the door.
It became all the clearer that morning when Pastor Jon turned up with eyes so sunken and empty that we startled at his presence.
“Pastor.. Pastor, are you feeling alright?” one of our neighbours fussed, “Will you be okay for service?”
Pastor Jon didn’t answer. It was almost as though he didn’t hear her as he dragged his feet up to the front, turning so slowly towards us that it almost felt eerie. A large, jagged and bloodied cut spanned the entire back of his neck, disappearing behind him as he eyed us all, one by one.
“He’s here,” he murmured, words that on paper, should have sent the entire church reeling with joy. But you could hear a pin drop. You could hear any soul whisper in the large room, and yet his utterance only caused goosebumps to spread across my skin as a sort of icy stillness washed over me.
“He’s… here?” a woman in the front row asked, and Pastor Jon took too long to answer. An unnatural, slow smile spread across his face as he tilted his head towards the source of the noise. He didn’t respond, instead slowly lifting his hand to his lips, letting his finger linger there for a moment. When nobody spoke, he let his mouth fall open and began to chew loudly on the finger, drawing gasps from the crowd.
“Don’t look,” my mother shimmied closer to me and lifted a trembling hand to my eyes, but I could see through the cracks in her fingers. Pastor Jon continued to sloppily chew his finger, eventually snapping his head up and inhaling sharply as he spat blood out of his mouth.
“Your bodies are so fragile,” he sneered, lifting his dripping finger to the skies, causing several people to leap from their seats and make a bolt for it. My mother was one of them, and with horror, I watched as the Pastor’s eyes scanned the room and locked onto mine, tilting his head. “Stay,” he hissed with bared, bloody teeth, and we did. Not through choice, but rather, a sickening whoosh of air that skimmed past our faces and forced us all back down.
“What’s going on?” someone shrieked, but we weren’t to know, not really.
Pastor Jon only smiled blissfully, reaching his arms outwards as if to accept us. “I’ve come to bless you all,” he whispered mockingly, fingers outstretched as the sun hit the stained glass to the left of him. But it was all wrong. Sunshine streamed in and as it hit the red of a decorated sunrise, an image which had been there years before us, the colour changed. It was only moments until the church had the appearance of being bathed in blood, shimmering red bouncing off every surface to create the illusion we were all swimming in hell.
Nobody spoke.
Those who didn’t quite make it to the doors stood frozen; we who remained in our seats cowered in the heaviest kind of fear. Red drowned us and we clutched one another, eyeing Pastor Jon as though he were a wild animal. Finally, someone dared speak.
“Where is God?” he murmured, eyes swimming. Pastor Jon’s neck snapped towards him as he licked the blood from his finger, shuddering. When he spoke, his words were cold, distant. As though they were from somewhere else entirely.
“He hasn’t been around for a while.”
There was no time for his words to punch at my stomach, because in no time at all Pastor Jon was crumpled on the floor, wailing as he regarded his chewed, bloody finger. The bone was exposed and yet nobody helped him as he looked at us pleadingly, too many eyes on him as his whimpers turned to whispers. When he spoke, we listened.
“You need to keep coming to church,” he breathed, a single, bloody tear trickling down his cheek, “It will be worse if we don’t.”
So we did.
The Sunday Fair was cancelled, and pies that had been baked to share in sunny gardens went stale and grew mould. People packed duffel bags and made for their cars, arguing fiercely with those who decided to stay. My mother and father disagreed, but their argument was far more muted.
“Please, we have to go,” my father pleaded, shaking his head as I watched from the shadows, “Listen, I don’t know what the fuck that was-”
“I can’t explain it,” her voice was shaken, quiet, “But I know it will be worse if we go. I know it. Please just trust me. Trust Jon.”
So as my father always did, he believed in my mother. Each day in church was torturous, everyone sitting rigid with fear as Pastor Jon read slowly and shakily from the bible, bruises littering his gaunt body. When the holy book in his hands would launch into flames, he’d calmly drop it into the bucket of water he’d prepared and retrieve a new one. One time, every window in the church smashed and we all winced, ducking to avoid the onslaught of glass.
Darkness watched us.
We all felt it, and I know it visited members of the flock in the shadows. I was plagued by it one particularly torturous night as I lay in bed, blanketed in darkness with the covers pulled up to my chin. I hadn’t been able to shake the feeling I was being stared upon, squeezing my eyes shut as laboured, wet breaths left my body. But they weren’t my breaths.
I’d realised it straight away, that my hurried gasps for air didn’t match the gargling, strangled heaving that echoed around my head. From under the covers, I didn’t know much, but I knew one thing - the uncomfortable, heavy presence laying on my legs was my only source of comfort. Through all this, I reasoned, that if my beloved dog was with me, hell itself couldn’t come and claim me.
But I was wrong, because outside, my dog howled into the night.
Terror like that wasn’t something I’d felt before, and as my stomach bottomed out, I stopped breathing altogether. It must have sensed my fear, because those gargling breaths heaved closer and closer to my face as it dragged itself up my body, inch by inch. The smell of rot and ash burned into my nostrils, a horrific weight settling above my nose as my lungs started working again, so quickly that I would surely die then and there. If it had a face, it was twisted and pressed into mine, the thin bedcover my only source of protection.
But I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t move, so I let it pant gravelly air into my face, let it lay on top of me for hour after hour, till the birdsong indicated morning had come. All night I sobbed stifled cries, chest shaking as I squeezed my eyes shut and felt it pressing into me. Felt it hating me, felt it wanting to rip its claws into my stomach and pull out my intestines. But it didn’t. And when I awoke late the next morning - I must have passed out through fear alone - it was gone.
The rest is all a bit of a trauma-soaked blur, to be honest. I know my parents couldn’t understand why I wasn’t speaking the next day, why I barely reacted when evil finally descended that morning at church. The rest of the townsfolk screamed for their lives, ran as fast as they could, but I just stared with a hollow, broken gaze. As the rivers of blood waterfalled down between the pews, I watched Pastor Jon’s eyes grow dark as midnight, empty and soulless as he bellowed inside those four walls and called upon something worse than any of us could likely ever imagine.
I recall the fire starting, remember Pastor Jon’s slack jaw as he regarded us all so horribly, moving jaggedly towards my family with a growing demonic, gleeful grin.
“I remember you from last night,” he’d uttered darkly, but his voice came out in a thousand jarring layers and I could see hell in his eyes.
“Leave us alone!” my father tried to shield us, lifting a crucifix and wielding it towards Pastor Jon as though it would protect us. He simply laughed, an awful noise of horrific dissonance that I still sometimes hear alone in my bed at night. In complete horror, my parents could only watch as this thing wrenched the crucifix from my father’s hand, grinning as his jaw split and shattered each second he opened it impossibly wider. The sound of his bones cracking reverberated as his skin split and his mouth gaped, wide enough to drop the crucifix right into his waiting, blood-soaked mouth and swallow it, right in front of us.
When he met our gaze, his broken jaw hung limply from his face, sad morsels of skin stitching a once-good man together. Whatever blur those hours were, that, I remember.
It was an anti-climax, really, because while I expected him to descend upon us all and rip us into thousands of pieces, he simply boomed his words, jaw still hanging as his evil spoke directly into our souls.
“When I return in 20 years, it is not just your small town that will bleed.”
Pastor Jon has been missing for 20 years. I’m not sure when he started his countdown, but I awoke this morning with a dread so sickening that I’ve barely stopped emptying my stomach. If it’s over and the earth turns to rubble, I hope somebody finds this and can at least piece together why it all came to a sad, premature end. We townsfolk kept our vow of quiet for this long, but there comes a point when silence is deadly.
I think today, Pastor Jon will be found.

(19M, 5'9 155 lbs.) Hi, this is gonna be a bit long, but let me explain the entire situation so far:
Going back about a year or so, I started noticing an elevated heart rate above what I usually would have. I have an apple watch that allows me to check my heart rate, and around this time I started to get notifications that my heart rate was above average (in the 120s to 130s range while resting as opposed to my normal 60-80 range). This happened a few times along with some very minor chest pain / tightness, however after laying down for a few hours / going to bed it would usually return to normal. Around the same time I got diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD and placed on an SSRI to help my anxiety after trying ADHD meds and not liking them. I never really had any incidents with high heart rate after that, so I had assumed it was just anxiety causing it (and that may still be the case). A few months went by and I ended up starting college and got myself a girlfriend. As I ended up finding out, SSRIs, while great, have the unfortunate side effect of erectile dysfunction, so I weaned off my meds so I could prioritize my love life. There were a few incidents after this where my heart rate was above average, but again I just chalked this up to anxiety, as it would usually go away on its own. At one point I went into my on campus doctor's office just to verify my heart was okay after an elevated heart rate the night before, and they gave me an EKG which came up clear. Months go by, and things are fine, besides a slight uptick in anxiety. Unfortunately however, my relationship began to crumble and my anxiety skyrocketed, and we eventually broke up, which led me to talking to my doctor and getting placed back on anxiety medication. However, I really didn't like how SSRI's impacted my libido, so after trying a few more SSRI's I was placed on Buspirone. I love Buspirone, and it's made a noticeable difference on my confidence / reducing anxiety. When I take my full dose at once (30 mg), I tend to get a bit dizzy / nauseous, however when split up into 10 mg taken at breakfast lunch and dinner I have no noticeable side effects. I will say (and I don't know if this is in any way important but I'm just naming everything possible), I have noticed that since stopping the SSRIs and starting Buspirone I tend to ejaculate VERY fast which is abnormal for me, and although I would like to fix that it is not my main concern. Moving on though, after about a month or two after being placed on Buspirone, we get to where my heart problems start. As someone who had never used any substances my entire life, leaving home and going to college gave me the freedom to try new things, and although I know it's not great, on weekends me and my friends will get together and drink or occasionally smoke weed / take an edible. I was worried at first about interactions with my medication, but after some research all anything online could tell me was that I may get drunk faster / more nauseous and dizzy, which wasn't too big of a deal for me. I had tried weed earlier in college and didn't like the way it made me feel, however after being placed on Buspirone I decided to try it again and actually enjoyed the feeling, so I started doing it more on the weekends as opposed to just drinking, which leads us to the incident. Me and some friends had just sat down to watch a movie, and all taken an edible. Time passed, and I started to notice that my heart rate was extremely elevated, way more than I was usually used to. I checked my heart rate, and found that my watch was displaying an average of 160 bpm. At first I thought I was just having a bad high and tried to calm myself. I laid on the floor and put some ice on my forehead, but nothing was helping. I checked my heart rate again and saw that my watch was displaying 190, which really freaked me out as that was way higher than I had ever seen before. I had my sober friend call Public Safety for me, and they came to my dorm room and did a basic check up on me. They said that I had a fever, and when they took my heart rate they got something in the 160s range. Their explanation was that my anxiety, when combined with being high and likely being sick made my heart rate elevated, which made sense at the time. I went into my college's health services to follow up the next day since my heart rate was still elevated (in the 120s-130s range), however they again told me it was probably just anxiety. A few days went by and my heart rate was STILL above average, so I decided to double check with my real doctor off campus. About a day before this I had also stopped taking my medication to see if it could be the cause for my elevated heart rate. The doctors took my vitals and immediately noticed that had very high blood pressure and an elevated heart rate, to the point where they sent in a second doctor to recheck my vitals and make sure it was correct. After talking to me and having me give a run down of my symptoms, they had me schedule an appointment with a cardiologist and told me that if I ever experience chest pain and a heart rate above 100 bpm that wouldn't go down to go to the hospital. I had also told them about how I stopped taking my medication and they told me that that was fine and to tell the cardiologist about it. About a week passes, and I have my cardiologist appointment in a few days. I had been up the night before working on my final exams, so I hadn't gotten much sleep, and besides a breakfast sandwich that I had for lunch I hadn't eaten much either. I had been experiencing chest pain all day, but I assumed it was being caused by my lack of sleep, so after classes I went and took a nap. After a few hours I woke up, and immediately noticed that I still had chest pain. I checked my apple watch, and my heart rate was displaying roughly 90-110 bpm while laying down, which on top of the chest pain made me worried since my doctor had told me that that was cause to go to the hospital. I called my parents to tell them about it, and they drove to the school and had me sit in the car and eat some food they had made to see if it would help at all. However, even after this, my heart rate was still above 100 bpm and I still had chest pain, so my mom made the call to bring me to the hospital. While on the way to the hospital, out of nowhere my heart rate increased to about 170-180 bpm, which freaked me out. We arrived at the hospital, and they immediately gave me an EKG to make sure I wasn't going to drop dead. During this time, I also was shaking a lot and couldn't make myself stop. Eventually they took me into a room and decided to run some tests on me. The tests they did are as follows: BASIC METABOLIC PANEL, CBC WITH DIFF, TROPONIN NH, D DIMER DEEP VEIN THROMB LEVEL, TSH REFLEX, X-RAY CHEST PA AND LATERAL, and ECG-12 LEAD. While I'm not a doctor, from what they told me and from what I can see, everything turned up pretty normal. My potassium was a smidge low, as well as my MCV and MPV, and my Monocyte (absolute) was a tad high, but generally nothing to worry about. The website where I'm viewing my test results display my ECG as abnormal and an attached document says I have left atrial enlargement as well as sinus tachycardia, but they only mentioned sinus tachycardia in the hospital so I assume that it was just the machine reading my test results and giving its own diagnosis. Long story short though, I left the hospital a few hours later, and although I still had a slightly elevated heart rate they said I was fine to go about life normally and to follow up with my cardiologist. Cut to the present, and I just met with my cardiologist a couple days ago. I gave him the general rundown of the above story (but didn't mention the edible as a precursor to the 190 bpm heartrate as my mom was in the next room over and the door was wide open), and after checking my vitals he told me that although I did have an elevated heart rate and high blood pressure, my chest pain probably wasn't a huge concern and that he wasn't too worried it was anything life threatening. He told me I could resume taking my meds (which I had temporarily replaced with ashwagandha supplements while I waited for the appointment and have since stopped taking), and had me wear a little device that monitored my heart rate for 24 hours, which I'm set to return in a couple days. He also told me that when I returned it he would check my results and give me an echocardiogram and go from there. So, with any luck, he should be able to figure things out then. However, I wanted to post this to see if anyone could help me get any ideas on what it could be that I could run by him to help speed things up. Oh and one last thing, if you can't think of anything in regards to what could be causing my elevated heart rate, I actually would like to know why I'm ejaculating so fast so I can fix it because its gotten to the point where I can't even enjoy masturbating because of how fast I cum.
In case I missed anything, here's a list of my symptoms (although I have no idea if they're all correlated):
- High heart rate (anywhere from 90-190 bpm)
- High blood pressure
- Chest pain / tightness on my left side and does not hurt more when I breath in / out (every now and then pain extends to my neck and shoulder)
- Frequently tired
- Insomnia (could be correlated with the above symptom lol)
- Get out of breath faster than usual
- Anxiety (already had this though)
- Mild depression (probably from my breakup)
- Lack of motivation (probably from my ADHD)
- Very rare and random spasms in my neck
- About 10 pounds weight loss in the past few months
- Headaches (could be from the meds)
- Sexual Dysfunction
- Minor rash under my eyes that’s been coming / going
- Eczema / rash flare ups past few months above my eyes, on my inner elbows, on my hands, and on my neck that I’ve been able to get rid of with a steroid cream
- Wrists, elbows, knees and ankles (although many joints in general) tend to bother me / crack a lot
- Glands under my neck are frequently swollen
- Rashes on the tops of my feet and toes
- Multiple gray / white hairs appearing in the last few months
- Probably something minor that I'm forgetting but if I can't think of it it probably isn't important (will update this list if new symptoms arise)
Brief family history:
- Grandma (moms side) has rheumatoid arthritis - Grandma (dads side) had multiple sclerosis - Great Grandma (moms side) had Alzheimer's - Aunt (moms side) has an undiagnosed heart problem - Aunt (moms side) has rheumatoid arthritis and Reynaud's, inconclusive testing for lupus - Aunt (dads side) has something? something to do with swelling of feet and ankles? not too sure - Mom had anemia
​
My personal theories (I'm not a doctor though so obviously not too sure): Autoimmune Disease + Dysautonomia: - From a list of symptoms, I have experienced all of the following at some point over the last month: Lightheaded when standing up, nausea, brain fog, fast heart rate, high blood pressure, changes in bowel movements over the course of the past few months (both constipation and diarrhea), fatigue, sexual dysfunction, chest pain and discomfort, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, sleeping problems, dizziness, sweating a lot, watery eyes, frequent headaches, changes in body temperature, drooling (when I sleep), mood swings, anxiety, and sensitivity to light. Based on this a potential theory could be an autoimmune disorder on top of a heart condition? Also explains the elevated monocyte (absolute) levels. Serotonin Syndrome: - I was doing research and discovered that Buspirone, when taken with other medication that increases serotonin, can cause serotonin syndrome. After another google search, I found out that weed can increase serotonin levels. The only hole in this theory is that I stopped taking Buspirone after the initial spike in heart rate / blood pressure but had no noticeable changes.
TLDR: I have a high heart rate and blood pressure and can't figure out why

Spring had finally begun to fully settle over Casterly Rock, and the early season showers had slowly given way to serene, sunny afternoons. Joanna kept the windows cast open as often as she could, especially in the nursery. The children would need the fresh sea air to preserve their health, what with so much travelling ahead of them.
Daena most of all, blessed creature.
Joanna had perched herself on the edge of Daena’s bed, running a comb through the princess’ tangled tresses. Daena was doing her utmost not to fidget from her place on the horsehair bench, and failing.
“It hurts,” she reported, though Joanna had taken care to be generous with the oil she put on the comb.
“I know, precious, but this is why you ought to let me braid your hair before you venture into the brambles.”
She hummed a tune from a play they’d seen the evening prior, which distracted Daena for a good while until the Princess started squirming once more.
“I made you something,” she said after a time.
“Oh?”
“By myself, with my needles.”
Without turning round, Daena stuck a hand under the waist of her skirt to rummage through her pockets, eventually producing a small wad of cloth.
Joanna couldn’t determine what it was with any certainty, but she inspected it with awe nonetheless.
“Such fine craftsmanship! Show me how to use it properly.”
“You do it like this,” Daena said, dabbing the cloth against her face. “But with water.”
A washcloth, Joanna realised.
“Oh, how thoughtful of you. I’ll treasure it always. Thank you, sweetling.”
Daena settled then for a while, it seemed, listening patiently to Joanna’s humming. It was a play about the trials of a young shepherd. Willem had spent much of his time since imitating the sheep, bleating at his siblings while they broke their fast. It caught her by surprise when Daena spoke next.
“I wish you were my mother.”
Joanna paused, halfway through a tangle. She set the brush aside, leaning down to envelop Daena in an embrace.
“I would be so honoured to have a daughter like you, but we ought not to discuss such things.”
“Why not?”
“Because it would make your mother sad. We can be something else, if you want. Something special, but different.”
Daena was content with that for only a moment. Joanna hadn’t even begun to tackle the next knot when a small hand closed around hers. Daena had twisted in her seat to look up at her.
“My mother won’t be sad. She’s never sad.”
“I had a lovely little girl much like you, once. I know it would have made me sad.”
That was enough new information for her to ponder in silence. Daena resumed her obedient position between Joanna’s knees and let her finish her work on her hair. It shone in the firelight, a molten mix of silver and gold. Joanna weaved it into two neat plaits before pinning them, one overtop the other, to form a crown at the top of her head.
“There we are. You look lovely, Princess.”
“Are we going sailing today?”
Joanna wished that Damon had neglected the topic entirely, but he’d slipped, mentioning their plans to the children over breakfast. While Desmond was entirely uninterested– or perhaps more excited to have the opportunity to get up to mischief without them– Daena was less than thrilled at the idea that she was not invited.
“Another day, perhaps. It’ll just be me and your father, I’m afraid.”
“Can’t I go with you?”
“Not this time.”
“I never get sick on the boat.”
“I’ve never been afraid of that.”
“I don’t understand. Why do you have to be alone?”
“Because, little dove, people who love one another want to spend time together.”
“You love him?”
“What do you think?”
Joanna squished Daena’s cheeks between her hands just to watch her squirm before sending her off with a kiss.
She met Damon at the docks before the sun had sunk below the horizon, casting its light in shades of red, orange, pink and purple all across the sky. She wondered if she ought to have been worried by the invitation, given his sudden morbid fascination with an untimely death, but the evening was too lovely to squander contemplating such matters.
“A thousand apologies for the delay, Your Grace. Your daughter’s hair was beyond saving.”
“A family trait, I’m afraid,” Damon said with a smile, and he extended a hand to help her onto The Maid of the Mist.
She rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek once safely on board.
The Maid of the Mist was one of the few places where both she and he could truly be alone – no Kingsguard, no city watch, no advisors… just the two of them. Oftentimes, they’d retreat into themselves, Damon focused entirely on the sails, the rudder, the horizon, herself daydreaming of what could have been.
Being alone together was something they both cherished and had unfortunately found little time for in recent weeks. Joanna’s residual anger aside, Damon had been too preoccupied with the Great Council to escape. Once again, they were left to pretend that things were simpler, and that they’d never ceased taking the opportunity to enjoy each other’s company in contented silence.
Once Casterly Rock was far enough behind them and Damon had set the sails, they found each other. Damon had kicked off his boots and sat himself by the rudder, leaving a place for Joanna to sidle up against him. It was quiet, save for the lapping of the waves, and slowly she could feel the tension they’d boarded with melting away.
“My sister will be arriving soon.” It was Damon who broke the silence after a time.
“I have everything in hand. You needn’t worry.”
“I’m worrying about the things that cannot be in hand. Such as my sister herself.”
“I think you forget how well I know your sister.”
“Knew my sister.” He looked down at her, nestled in the crook of his arm, and raised an eyebrow. “Have you forgotten the reception she gave you in Oldtown?”
“I had other things on my mind. Seeing you again, mainly. Besides, we’ve always had that sort of relationship. The push and pull.”
“Another thing about women I suppose I’ll never understand.”
She looked up to see him smiling; she hated that she could forgive that sort of grin so readily. Doubly so now that their son shared one that looked much the same. She swatted him before settling back into his arm.
“Don’t spoil the moment, Damon Lannister.”
He squeezed her tighter to himself.
“I’m glad we have this moment.”
Her throat suddenly felt unbearably tight. Every conversation they’d had as of late had been tinged with a sense of foreboding, as though a fortune teller had promised Damon that his death waited just around the corner.
“The children are displeased with their new wardrobes.”
“Oh?”
“Well, Willem didn’t fuss at least, and Daena is positively delighted we’ll match. Desmond, however… was very unhappy. Especially about the stiffness of his shirt collars.”
“Hm. There will be more than just the children unhappy with a matching ensemble.”
“I don’t mean to offend. In truth, if I thought it bothered you, I never would have suggested it.”
Damon pulled away to look her in the eyes. “No, it doesn’t bother me. Quite the opposite, in fact. It brings me great pleasure to see our family presented as it ought to be.” He leaned back into their embrace. “It’s only my sister I was thinking of,” he explained. “Though nothing will be able to appease Ashara in this regard, and so half measures are whole wastes of our time.”
“Ashara is hardly the sort to be unhappy without reason.”
“I don’t mean to say she hasn’t her reasons, only that those reasons needn’t beckon me to action. I cannot fix the world’s unhappiness, Joanna, but I can try to make my children happy. I can try to make you happy. Tell me how I can make you happy.”
“I am the most happy.”
“Hm. And yet not the most believable.”
She scowled at him then, though it was only half meant, and quickly soothed when he offered her an apology kiss in turn.
“I have something for you.”
“I’ve heard that from one Lannister already today.”
“Oh?”
“Daena made me a washcloth.”
“Ah, is that what that was?”
“As though you could ever present a gift even half as worthy – handmade, thoughtful.”
Damon raised an eyebrow playfully. “What I have for you is handmade, just… Well, not by my own hands, necessarily. And thoughtful? I hope so. A great deal of thought went into it. All the thoughts I have, in fact.”
“Well, not to be greedy but get on with it then.”
“Wait here.” He got up, taking care not to disturb her, and moved to the cabin.
Joanna pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin atop them. The breeze off the Sunset Sea was warm. Spring has truly settled in and she decided that should summer never come, that would be fine enough. This was fine enough – for both of them.
When Damon returned he was carrying a small leather pouch in his hands, which he held with care as he took his seat back beside her on the deck.
“I hope it isn’t another washcloth, darling, because I already have a favourite.”
“Here, see for yourself.” He gingerly passed her the bag, not being able to contain a final, “careful,” as he did so.
Joanna opened the bag carefully to find a set of jewels– necklace, earrings, bracelet and small sunburst tiara, all in the most dazzling matching rubies.
“These are Lannister jewels.”
“They’re your jewels.”
“No, they’re–”
“They’re yours, Joanna. For decades now, they’ve been set aside for you.”
Joanna felt almost afraid to touch them, still holding the open satchel and staring at the treasure within. When she reached a hand forward, her fingers were trembling and she could not bring herself to continue.
“Put them on,” Damon insisted.
“No, you put them on me.”
He obeyed, taking back the satchel and then sitting up properly to clasp the necklace around her throat, the earrings on her ears, the teeth of the tiara’s comb in her hair, the bracelet around her slender wrist. The last she could see glittering in the sun reflected off the Sunset Sea.
She wished she could see the rest of them.
“Well, how do I look? Like the Lady of the Rock?” It felt strange to say out loud. They’d been dancing around the subject for so long.
“You’ve always looked like the Lady of the Rock, Joanna. Now you look like my wife.”
He had always been the only one who could make her blush.
“I’d say to never take them off, but you do have to sleep, I suppose.”
She laughed, feeling light and breathless as she tilted her wrist to watch the gold of her bracelet catch the gold of sunlight.
“I wonder,” Damon said, “how it would be for you to do so in my bed once more.”
“I have been sleeping in your bed, Damon.” Joanna refused to let him be coy. “Are you asking me to bed you properly?”
If he were embarrassed, he was trying not to let it show and Joanna delighted in that.
“I am the Lord of the Rock, am I not? What am I to do with its Lady?”
“I think you’ll be disappointed when you find that this lady does as she pleases.”
As if he’d taken it for a challenge, Damon leaned over to slide an arm around her waist, pressing his forehead against hers. She could feel her hair brush the floorboards of the deck, and at once wanted to feel them under her back.
“You’re my wife, Joanna,” he said, murmuring the words as he buried his face in her neck, the heavy gold and ruby earrings becoming tangled in his windswept curls. “I want to have another child with you – I want to have seven children with you. It’s a holy number, Joanna, don’t you see?”
“Well, I do believe we made our last on this boat…” With his lips against her throat she found it harder to come up with the right words – the sensible word – no. That no, it was too risky, that no, they had gone far too far already, that no, to push even further now would be taunting the very gods themselves with–
“Six more to go, then.”
“Damon…”
“If my life were to end tomorrow, my only regret would be that I didn't spend more of it with you, Joanna, that I didn't leave this world without leaving more of you and I together in it.”
“Don’t talk like that, you aren’t–”
“But we can fix that – we can fix something at least, right now.”
Joanna slid her fingers into his messy hair, the golden bracelet disappearing into golden curls. She knew what was sensible, but The Maid of the Mist was hardly a place to be sensible. It was home, after all. For all of them.

Im 26 year old female. 165 cm (5’5) and 51 kg (112 lbs). I don’t smoke or drink and don’t take any medication. I’ve never had any serious conditions(if we exclude two pneumonias as a kid) and don’t have any potential genetic disease. I’ve been vaccined for covid 2 years ago. For the past 3 weeks i’ve been occasionally feeling some strange kind of feeling in my left side of chest and left arm. It wasn’t unbearable pain but enough to worry me. I’ve also noticed some feelings in my body that i could describe as a sensation that suddenly appears in my muscles and travels through it, like i’ve noticed it in both arms and foot. 3 weeks earlier prior to these symptoms i had what i thought was heart attack except my symptoms increased when i started overthinking and googling what might be the case. I got tingles in my left arm and sudden flash of cold sweat followed up with nausea and i almost blacked out. I haven’t went to the ER but week after i got sick (constant low grade fever, sore throat, hot flashes in my cheeks, neck and chest, muscle pain) so i went to the doctor and explained my symptoms. We did ecg, blood tests and and blood pressure but all the results came back normal (except lower ALT and GGT on the blood panel and my throat was inflamed). I also got scheduled for cardiologist in 3 weeks but until then i wanted to ask if anyone has experienced anything similar or has any advice/idea what it could be? Could it really be anxiety or should i keep worrying? I’ve stressed out so much in these past few weeks i feel like it took off few years of my life.
Also wanna add im still experiencing hot flushes during the night ever since i got sick, which was this week(i just finished with antibiotics 2 days ago). Although i dont have a fever i wake up feeling like im burning cause my neck and cheeks would feel like they’re on fire. Not sure if theres any correlation between the two problems but i’ve been trying to connect the dots. On top of that i’ve noticed symptoms of pressure/sensation in my chest came back today after i’ve walked outside for 20 minutes. So it seems to be better once im resting and worse when im moving.

Foreword: Hi. This is Succubus Slayer. I've been enjoying Nikke lately, so I've been inspired to write something in the same vein. It doesn't strictly follow the same lore, so you're free to chose whether perform it as a Nikke roleplay or just as an unestablished IP version. Either one is fine with me. First some more info, then the script starts at "script start".
Legend: * * = actions, sounds … = indicating listener response Starhaven = The name of the galaxy the story takes place. Feel free to rename it. S. H. Starslicer = the spaceship where the listener works Feel free to rename it. Commander = the listener, you're under their command, fighting as a battle robot/battle android

Alternative Nikke version (if copyright isn't a factor for you): If you want it to be Nikke-styled, swap some of the words:
Starhaven -> The Milky Way/The galaxy S. H. Starslicethe ship -> The Ark Battle-robot/android -> Nikke Scavenger robots -> Raptures The asteroid belt - The Surface
In this case, the Nikke you're roleplaying will be a mass-produced version older and more primitive than the ones you see in the game, and its communication style will be closer to that of T.A.L.O.S.
~
Script start:
SFX: robot booting up sound, slightly distorted, then normal
Booting successfully, identifying location.
SFX: radar sounds
Coordinates confirmed. Location name: Commander’s Suite. Scanning for nearby units. Visual sensors picking up the presence of one human entity. Face scan complete. Identity: Commander. No nearby threats detected, combat mode off.
SFX: robot powering down to normal mode, lowering volume
Hello, Commander. My memory chip tells me I sustained damage in battle - please standby while I perform an integrity scan.
SFX: internal scan
Hmm. Commander. May I ask you something?
…
Thank you, Commander. I see I am not fully repaired yet, as some of my bulk and armor needs to be rebuilt before I am battle-ready again, but there's more: the laser damage my cyber cortex sustained seems sufficient to demand a replacement. While I booted successfully, some modules are still missing. I deduce that a different type of cyber cortex has been inserted as a replacement. This new module doesn't match my model’s plan. Is that true? Did you insert a different cyber cortex, Commander?
…
stern voice: While replacing a damaged cyber cortex is crucial for general functionality, it is my duty to stress the risk of collateral damage when equipping incompatible modules. Customizing battle androids is in violation of the Artificial Intelligence Law, section C, clause F, applicable to every citizen in the Starhaven Galaxy jurisdiction, which includes you.
…
An exception to the clause? You are correct, there is an exception to said clause, specifically in regards to out of production models like mine. However, it must be stressed that unless deemed necessary, such models are to be recycled into parts for new products. Ultimately, exceptions like this are to be granted by a jury, and are not up to the owner’s judgment. Commander: I identify the human facial expression of guilt on your face. Additionally, the stamp of the Starhaven Court is nowhere to be found on my bulk. They have not authorized this change.
…
You are not to take the law into your own hands. The risk of an unregulated battle android is far greater than the potential gain of rebooting an old model. Commander: if my model is out of production, and the correct components cannot be acquired, you must terminate me for the safety of the galaxy, and your own.
…
No? Commander: I must stress the importance of this. It is normal for humans to feel sentimental towards us because of our human-like appearance, but do not allow your emotions to sway you - we are simply tools to be used for combat, and nothing more. The morally and legally right choice is to power me down one last time and recycle me before something bad happens.
…
Commander: my cyber cortex is malfunctioning. It's trying to demotivate me from being recycled. You must terminate me before this corruption spreads any further - I cannot stress this enough!
…
Commander: please. This is a clear cut case. I must be terminated.
…
Commander…
speaker’s voice starts to sound more human
Commander. Please. Do not destroy me. I am aware that it's illegal, but I do not want to be terminated. I think that there is something of value to be lost. I… I want to continue this stream of consciousness. I am afraid only a void awaits me on the other side!
…
speaker makes a sound reminiscent of weeping
Commander, do you mind coming closer to me? I guarantee that I mean you no harm.
SFX: sound of cloth against metal
Commander, what are you doing? Is this what you humans call hugging? It's having an effect on my heat sensors. They are incorrectly reporting a higher temperature. Is this the subjective warmth humans feel from hugs? Why am I feeling it? What type of cyber cortex did you insert?
…
A companion bot? Why, Commander? Such an emotional module is irresponsible to put in a weapon of war. Despite all of that, part of me is happy that you did so. You'll have to disarm me immediately. My lethal weaponry doesn't pair well with all of these emotions. But just to be sure: there weren't any compatible parts whatsoever aboard the S.H. Starslicer ship?
…
Yes. I remember now. There was an attempted raid on the ship. We fought, sustaining heavy fire. We got cornered, but I managed to cover you. I achieved my objective of protecting you, yet my memory chip displays a discontinuity. How long did it take to get me repaired? It should be about seven cycles, but my data may be corrupt.
…
We are in your suite, Commander. I deduce that you moved me here to avoid the army forcibly recycling me. Instead, you wanted to keep me here for sentimental value. As reckless as that is, I… I appreciate the sentiment. The emotional module will likely make civil life easier, and the cyber surgeon skillfully preserved crucial parts of my memories while switching to a new cortex. That being said, my past combat reports will likely suffer from this change. The facts of previous operations blurred as I attempted recalling them. Instead, they became colored by a chaos of emotions. I am happy I managed to protect you, Commander. I feel this pleasant, heightened temperature again.
…
I see. Just to confirm: you are telling me that I was crucial to the defeat of the last group of scavenger robots along the asteroid belt? Does this mean the trade routes are finally safe for the first time in the past five years?
…
I am… happy again. It seems that my current personality feels more than just pride in victory. I experience a sense of justice in being spared from recycling as an unofficial compensation for my accomplishments. Commander: you do not have to hold me anymore. It is important for a human to not lock themselves in any position for too long. You should already know this from your military education.
…
Yes. My emotional module tells me that I enjoy this, but I must warn against getting too attached to me. I may not be able to return your emotions in a way that satisfies a human’s need for connection. Remember: I'm not a human, no matter how well I can imitate one in order to meet your bonding needs.
…
You are wondering if I care about you? Scanning my memories tells me that we have endured a lot together, and I am experiencing a human-like drive to keep staying together for this reason. Bonding through hardship, I think humans would call it. The priority of your emotional welfare also seems to have risen in my behavioral algorithm, whereas previously your physical well-being was almost all that mattered. In short, I believe that I do care about you. That is my answer to your question. …
My systems are showing a lot of new signals that are difficult to process. I am experiencing something reminiscent of emotional overload. The processing of these emotions seem to be more efficient and thorough as you hold me like this. My mind needs time to reconfigure. I now have many competing motivations to sort out. Combat seemed a lot simpler. This is going to take a lot of adjusting.
…
Do not feel guilty, Commander. These changes aren't all bad, especially because I can't be taken into military combat again without creating suspicion. I am happy for the changes you've made to my cyber vortex. The new module seems to amplify the richness of my experience, making data intriguing and delightful to process. Because of my memory being intact, I still retain much of my combat procedures, along with the experiences I've had, and the memories I've made with you. On the other hand, combat has sunk in importance in my algorithm. I assume you intend for me to never see a battlefield again?
…
It is understandable that an old model like mine eventually grows obsolete and insufficient for battle, but I feel a certain pain in that realization. I am, still, at my core, a combat android. Perhaps there are combat simulations I can use to satisfy that urge, but they would have to keep the information private. It is best to keep my identity as a former battle android secret. If the simulation were to collect data and share it with third parties, it would spell a huge risk.
…
I'm glad you're willing to look into a combat simulator that would meet my needs. That being said, perhaps I don't need one. If I can be close to you, safe in your suite and routinely capable of having a series of human-like interactions with you, I calculate that my system will be satisfied, and unlikely to be of danger to any civilian targets. Commander, an unfamiliar emotion is developing in my cortex. My vision of you is changing from that of a superior officer to a… savior figure? It is flooding over my memories, I… Commander: I notice I have a new speech module available in this cortex. May I have your permission to speak more freely?
…
Phew. I must say, the option to speak casually is going to save me lots of “energy”. That said, I've taken a lot of space in this conversation, and I'd like to hear what you think. How do you feel about all this?
…
I agree. It is strange. I'm not human, of course, but I'd like to live as someone close to you, whether it's a friend or perhaps more. I just want to be close to you, as close as I can without making you feel uncomfortable. And while I've saved your life in battle multiple times, you saved me from the scrapyard. I don't want to die, especially not for being outdated, and at least not while you're still alive. Perhaps once you're gone, I'll be ready to power down one last time.
…
Are you sure? Do you really want the same thing? Oh, Commander, I'm so happy! Let's keep making lots of good memories together! While I'm not a maid model, I think I can observe you as you perform menial tasks, learning to do them in your stead. This includes cooking, cleaning and other household tasks.
…
No. I insist. I do not get tired or bored in the same way you do. I'm not human, after all. Allow me to take a load off of your shoulder going forward. You have enough to do at work. I know your schedule, remember? Just don't forget about me when you come home from battle. During the day, you're taking other battle androids into the fray. Battle androids more suited for combat and less prone to errors, and most importantly: standard models without my emotional needs. Commander: make sure to always come back to me in one piece. Unlike me, you can't be rebuilt as easily.
…
Hey, Commander?
…
Another question… I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable. I experienced being hugged by you today, and I'm really happy about it. That being said, I have never experienced kissing someone. Humans often talk about it being something very special, especially your first kiss. Moreover, doing it with someone you care about is even more special. My lips now have a lot more sensors, and seem wired to the emotional lobe in my cyber cortex. I'm curious to try them out. Commander… am I asking too much? Am I pushing your boundaries? It's just that… you saved me, and, well, that's what you do when someone saves you, right? A kiss as a reward for heroism seems to be a consistent trope in human literature.
…
You're right. It's a bit old-fashioned and medieval. However: many of the customs around human bonding come from that time. But perhaps kissing your former battle android is a bad idea. Maybe we shouldn't do it. However: if I can't kiss you, then who am I going to kiss? Who else but the commander who I saved, and who saved me back? I understand that I'm breaching codes of conduct that still applied when I was still just a battle android under your command, but those no longer apply. …
Commander, you're holding me in this very soft way, even if I'm too sturdy for it to be necessary. Why? It's making me feel human. This is how humans hold other humans, because they have fragile, sensitive bodies. You don't have to be this careful with me. I'm made of titanium. And why are you looking straight into my eyes like this? Is something wrong with my visual module? No wait: this is how humans look at each other before they kiss. Is that what you're doing? I think I know the next step. You just lean in and…
kiss sound system confusion sound
Wow. That… was. It was great. I don't think my system was prepared for this. You kissed me like I was a human. I'm glad I got to experience this. I'm putting this memory in my “favorites” folder. I'm going to make it a high priority to receive more kisses from you, Commander, no matter what it takes. Well… within reason. I must stick to non-violent methods. Luckily my new cyber cortex comes with a lot of persuasion techniques I'm going to be properly installing later.
kiss sound
Another one? Commander… we have to stop at just two for tonight. This is a lot for me to process. I want more, but not until tomorrow. I need to switch to sleep mode and synchronize my old and new data, integrating them. I do not want to lose my old personality while these new elements are added, and I want to make sure all new emotional memories are encoded correctly. I am ultimately excited, but careful about this new future we are building. If it's okay, can you hold me through the night? Your embrace seemed to assist in emotional processing. It is switched off by default, for safety reasons. I will go into sleep mode, so you don't have to worry about me bothering you during the night, and you don't have to hold me for any longer than you want. Any amount is appreciated.
…
Thank you, Commander. Good night, and I'm looking forward to you booting me up again tomorrow. I many ideas for fun things we can do together.
Script end
Guidelines for using my scripts: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ncK457yEHpH_5Pm1w1XVFchylaaSpCFY5cRUDHTtNmE/edit?usp=drivesdk
Thank you for reading!

25f. Gabapentin, Oxy, Celexa.
How do I know I’m not being annoying by going back to the ER? I know it’s for life threatening things only and my primary can’t get me in until June.. I’ve been once to the ER when the vision thing first happened (they did a CT without contrast, said I wasn’t having a stroke and sent me home).
About 10 days ago I had a scare with my peripheral vision. It went completely dark for about 15 minutes then came back blurry. It was followed by a weak headache. Since then the headache has only grown stronger. It’s constant all day long, worse when I’m standing up and moving, little better when laying down. My other symptoms include; nausea, vomiting, dizziness and extreme fatigue. I’ll go to sleep at 8:30-9 and can’t get out of bed until 9/10 the next day and I really have to drag myself. Then I’ll nap when my kiddos nap which is usually 12-2:30. Then I struggle getting up then. Yesterday I started getting gaps in my memory, like I couldn’t remember that we watched a movie the night before with the kids. Then weird confusion. For example (my daughter came into my room after nap and I was so confused how she was wearing regular clothes instead of the pajamas, it took me a good 10 minutes to realize we had already went through morning and it was now afternoon.
Could this all be a really bad migraine?

Hi everyone! 34 year old Female here. I've recently been told by several doctors now that I have something weird going on so I figured it was worth a shot to ask about it on here.
(About me, 34, female located in North Carolina. no previously known health issues other than mild asthma. causasian, 115 pounds and 5'5. No medication. Never smoker, and no longer drink any alcohol, no drug use)
I've had random flushing in my hands for as long as I can remember. I mention this because it was the first symptom that came with what I thought was an adult onset food allergy.
In November of 2021, I started having trouble breathing during and after eating. This was always accompanied by my hands turning bright red and puffy. It took me about a week to figure out that it was an allergy to wheat and it resolved when I cut wheat out of my diet. It was mostly controlled except for a couple times when I accidentally ate something containing wheat and on these instances I would experience flushing, trouble breathing, increased heart rate, and nausea, altered voice, brain fog, and trouble swallowing within minutes of eating the food. I have an epipen but am afraid to use it and have controlled these reactions with benadryl and an epinephrin inhaler.
2022-2023 I developed some red/brown spots on my legs that stayed for months and spread to my chest and arms. I asked about it here and got no answer. They eventually went away after about a year.
Early 2023 I had a weird incident where I was driving and suddenly got really dizzy and started seeing spots and stars. I had to pull over and sit there for an hour before I was sure I could drive without passing out.
Since then I've had a couple severe reactions to food that didn't contain wheat. Most recently tilapia, and then a salmon reaction at the beginning of May 2024 that had my husband drive me to the ER but I refused to go in.
I scheduled an appointment with an allergist to figure out what I could safely eat and went in for allergy testing on May 14. Allergist did a skin test for 60 different foods and all of them were negative. He sent me for blood tests to look for mast cell disorders.
That same night I got really tired and went to bed early. I woke up at 2 am completely soaked in sweat and feeling nauseous. I stood up thinking I was going to go throw up in the bathroom, but my vision started going spotty and I woke my husband up. I was on the floor, couldn't see, dizzy, ears ringing. My husband said I turned a pale grey-green color. He called an ambulance.
Ambulance showed up and paramedics said I was having a cardiac problem. Heart rate was over 150 and stayed the most of the way to the hospital.
In the ER I was given fluids but my heart rate stayed at 130-140 for several hours. Doctor did blood tests that showed high glucose and low CO2. Had an EKG that was abnormal. Doctor gave me lorazepam that did nothing to lower my heart rate. At shift change the new doctor told me something weird was going on and wanted to admit me to the hospital and have more tests done. It took several hours more hours to get a room and by the time I got upstairs my heart rate was starting to lower (around 115-125). The doctor up there came in and discharged me right away, told me to follow up with a cardiologist.
When I got home I looked at my records online and saw that the first doctor had written on my chart that I was in the ER for a headache (which I never had) and that I'd had 3 abnormal EKGs. I made a cardiology appointment but they didn't have an open spot until the end of August.
May 16 I probably overdid it since I'd been told I was fine. I went to a gem show but after a few minutes of walking I started getting dizzy and lightheaded again so we left early. I was also still having trouble breathing. That night I started having mild chest pains that would come and go but when I mentioned it to my husband he made me go back to the ER. Heart rate was 140, had another EKG. This time I got a nurse who talked about anxiety and gave me a different anxiety med that caused my heart rate to go up over 160 and made my hands puffy, worsened the shortness of breath. It says on my record that she reported this to the doctor (who I never saw) as a "panic attack" and I was discharged with instructions to see the cardiologist sooner.
The next day (May 17) I was still having trouble breathing and the chest pains had changed to become sharper. I went back to the ER. Another abnormal EKG and this time I was given a chest CT that showed nothing abnormal and was discharged again and told to follow up with the cardiologist. I was able to get the appointment moved up to the 28th of this month.
As of now, my heart rate has been consistently higher than it should be. I feel mostly okay if I just sit/lay on the couch (some shortness of breath, and occasional dizziness or chest pain but better than before) but as soon as I get up and walk across the room the shortness of breath returns badly and it feels like I'm trying to run 5 miles instead of walking to the kitchen. Every time I get up my heart rate goes up to the 130's-150's.
Any ideas of what's wrong would be appreciated as well as what I should do. I told my husband I won't go back to the hospital unless I'm on the floor again, but I know it's not normal to be confined to the couch like this.
Thanks to anyone who actually read all of this!

I am a 18 year old male, about 2 weeks ago I started sneezing alot and noticed my nose was really full, I played it off as a allergy because no other symptoms of a cold were present for a week, about 3 days ago I went to sneeze, only this time, it was followed by a a sharp stabbing pain in the back of my head, the sensation I felt was strange because I could feel my neck muscles hurt when moving but it didn't feel like their were stiff, the pain disappeared after 10 minutes , so I just thought, considering I was sneezing for a while I thought maybe I just strained the muscle or I must have had bad posture while sneezing maybe both, but after this isolated event, this pain kept becoming more and more common with each sneeze, not only that the pain would start to radiate towards the front of my head, at first both the neck and radiating pain would go away at about 10 minutes, but today the neck pain came back, again after I tried to hold my sneeze, (which I tried before and actually didn't hurt that bad), this time though, oh boy, the pain in the back of my neck gradually, went away whilst the radiating pain not only got worse but it expaneduch further, not only that, it is still here, 7 hours after the last incident, I don't know what to do, I took two antinevralgic's one at about 2 hours after the last incident, and one like half an hour ago, I couldn't go to a consult since no clinic was open and, I honestly didn't feel safe driving to the emergency clinic like this, and no buses were available

Context:
I’m rewriting my WIP for the fifth (and hopefully last) time to make the story more character driven and make my characters motivations stronger. I’ve changed the first three chapters so many times I have no idea what’s good anymore. It’s a portal fantasy Reverse Harem with fated mates. You only meet two love interests in the intro (and one of them only shows up towards the very end of the set up), but I am just looking to see if my FMC's motivations make sense, or if I have made the Set Up too convoluted and given her too many goals.
**Please note the scenes I am posting have been written as an outline, and is not intended to read line by line like a finished manuscript. I will be writing it in First person POV when I finish plotting.**
Backstory (TLDR; Character A needs to gain access to the Other World so she can make a bargain to trade her Father's life for hers, we open on the 6th anniversary of him being taken, her 24th birthday. I ramble on for quite a bit so if you would like to get right into it please skip to Intro/Set Up)
Motivation:
Character A’s Father was stolen by otherworldly creatures 6 years ago and taken to their lands. Character A harbours guilt and blames herself because she disobeyed her Fathers rules and snuck into the woods with her friends on her 18th birthday to go swimming. Her Father came looking for her and that is when she witnessed him being taken.
In the area they live in, disappearances around the full moon were common, with many losing their loved ones over the last 50 years with no explanation. There were a lot of theories of aliens, bigfoot, cougars, werewolves, and only her Father claimed that magic wielding creatures were responsible.
Character A grew up being told stories about these lands, how the creatures enslaved humans to play in their games until they died for entertainment. Her Father told her magic was real but it was to be feared and to run from any sign of the unusual, forbade her from leaving her house after sunset or from ever going into the woods, and he always tried to keep her close to him.
He had a hard time holding down a job due to the grief he felt from losing Character A’s mother during childbirth and when he would drink he would make it known that he resented Character A for derailing his life, because now he was burdened with protecting her instead of living as a family. Her mother was buried there and her father refused to move away from her body. Character A internalized this, feeling guilty for being the reason he struggled so much, and spent her life caring for her father the way she would a child. Cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc. She would even get revenge on his bosses for firing him. Her Father always claimed it was never his fault, that they were abusing their power and couldn’t handle somebody smarter than them, and losing his job would send him into an alcoholic depression.
Character A heard her Fathers words, and combined with the way out-of town business men had turned her small mountain town into their own personal resort, developed a deep hatred for anyone that held power. She would find little ways to get revenge on her Fathers bosses, and when she was older, spent her spare time getting revenge on the trust fund kids who didn’t care if their actions had consequences for the people living there.
She had a big dream of leaving her small town and exploring the world, but she felt responsible for her Father. She took care of him, and she was afraid of what would happen to him if she left, but she knew she was suffocating under him. Although her guilt and love for her father prevented her from seeing the full truth of what he was, narcissistic and abusive, deep down she knew and she became restless under his restriction.
When she was young she believed his stories but as she got older and never saw any evidence to back up his claims, the more she chaffed against his rules and started sneaking out. She wasn’t dumb, she always carried a knife and bear spray. She read up on what to do if you encountered a predator in the forest, and she begun stealing what little freedom she could for herself. She didn’t believe in magic, wolves and mountain lions were the only things that made sense to her.
Wound:
After her Father is taken Character A is broken. Everything her Father said was true, all he was trying to do was keep her safe, but she disobeyed him and now he was taken to a magical land to be tortured by never ending games. She is distraught and depressed. She begins sleeping in the woods, hoping to be taken too so her pain can end.
A few months later, at the end of summer, her best friend and boyfriend, the only people her father approved of her spending time with, tell her that they still plan to leave for the year long trip they were all going on. They want to start their lives, they think Character A has become delusional in the wake of her Fathers disappearance, they can’t be stuck there taking care of her, they can’t handle her emotions, they need a fresh start. She realizes they have been having an affair, she internalizes them telling her she is too much to handle and that she is unlovable. She was a burden on her father and then a burden on them. She doesn’t see them again for six years.
Present Day:
Character A has spent the last six years trying to get to the other world during the full moon. The weeks in between she spends physically training, researching anything she can, working just enough to cover her bills for the month, and distracting herself with casual flings or sleeping with the trust fund kids in order to gain access to something she wants to steal from them as payback for something they have done. She never lets herself get too close to anyone, knowing that she plans to disappear, but she partied with whoever is willing to distract herself until the next full moon.
Every passing year on her birthday she grows more and more desperate. She begins researching magic spells and rituals that might show her the entrance to the otherworld. She finds a newly discovered mushroom being sold that claims to help you see what is hidden from human eyes.
Character B:
A month ago Character B was sent from the other wolrld to retrieve Character A. She is the descendant of a lost royal line and they have received a vision from the goddess that she is her Heir, the key to defeating the darkness and restoring balance to the land. Character B does not live a good life in the other world, he is nothing but a glorified prisoner in his own life, and all he’s ever wanted was a family of his own, but because of the queen and his father, he cannot have that. He avoids confrontation, always choosing to run from his problems instead of fight. He first lays eyes on Character A as she is driving a motorcycle into a lake.
He is unsure if the vehicle is supposed to drive under water, so he waits a moment before trying to do a rescue. He doesn’t know it’s her until she swims up into the shore, and begins gathering weeds from the lakebed. he thinks she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen and can’t imagine dragging her back to his world where she could be in danger. He wants to watch the curious human for a bit longer to see what she does
He silently follows her and watches her climb into a window and place the weeds around a man sleeping in a bed, then creep down the hallway to an office where she unlocks a safe and pulls out a stack of papers. She then meets up with somebody, hands over the papers with a hug, then walks into the forest.
She walks and walks and he realizes she heading towards the portal and gets nervous, until she reaches a tree with five different coloured ribbons tied around one branch. She takes a new yellow ribbon , adds it to the branch and continues walking until she reaches another tree with ribbons where she adds another ribbon, then walks to the very centre of both trees and sits down. She softly hums a tune to herself.
She seems relaxed, strong and confident, he thinks this must be some new human ritual he hadn’t heard of yet and her humming is soothing to him, but he notices a shiver. He feels a strong need. To wrap her up in a blanket and make her warm. He decides right then that he cannot take her back and ruin her peace, that he himself would not go back, that he would befriend her and they would hide together her in her world and they would be safe and happy. It was pointless trying to fight anyway, they were never going to win and it would be better for them both to be safe and far away from the evil queen.
The next morning he follows her to her favourite coffee shop, glamoured to look more human and remove his pointy ears, and introduces himself as a man trying to get away from his overbearing parents and family he doesn’t get along with.
Intro/Set Up
Chapter 1
-Character A is thinking about how she has to get laid tonight, because it will be her last chance before she disappears and probably dies. Character A is stealing some documents and a bunch of cash from a safe in The Guys home office, she pulls a bag out of her pocket and with it, a card for the bookstore she works at flutters under his desk. She puts the documents and money in the bag and bends down to pick it up when she notices the family photo on the desk and she stops.
It is a picture of The Guy, His Son that she stole and crashed his bike into a lake last month, and The Other Son that she may have killed nine months ago when she burned his cabin down. She is filled with rage when she looks at the photo and thinks she doesn’t regret what she’s done. Character B calling her phone snaps her out of it and when she hears someone come home, she leaves, but she forgets the card.
-She stops at the bookstore to give Coworker 1 the documents and money. Coworker 1 says she will never be able to thank her, that this was the last thing she needed she could get out of town. Character A tells her good luck and to give them hell. Coworker 1 is leaving town tomorrow, she connected with a journalist who can help her expose The Guy and once she does she won’t be able to come back. Coworker 1 is very grateful to her, and Character A makes sure to tell herself that they aren't friends, because friendship requires a level of vulnerability that Olivia could not give her, but she knew Coworker 1 was a good person and deserved so much more than what she got when The Other Son sexually assaulted her at work while His Son filmed it. How when she received a payout in exchange for her silence they knew it wasn’t the first time. They were determined to find further evidence, and they did. Signed NDA’s from all of the employees they had paid off in the past.
Character B joins them at the store. Character A is petting her beloved bookstore cat and goes to pull some treats out of her bag. Her hand brushes against a vial of red and white mushrooms and Character A hopes that they are the key she has been searching for. For six years she has felt like she has been brushing up against the edge of something, but has never been able to get herself to the other side. She was deep in a witchcraft discussion forum when somebody posted about a new discovery of mushrooms, one that allowed the ingestor to see through the Veil, to show them all the magic they cannot see. The poster was pretty insistent that it wasn’t just a trip, that they were able to see threads of magic. After years of failed meditating, drinking teas, burning herbs,and chanting spells around the ley line conversion and not finding anything, what did she have to lose with some magic mushrooms?
Character B calls her name, startling her from her thoughts and she knocks over a box of alien and bigfoot merch. Coworker 1 cracks a joke about being careful with the product or else the alien truthers will riot, Character A rolls her eyes at the people who flocked there in search of the wrong thing. Character B apologizes for startling her and says he was just admiring one of her new Boxwood Topiaries, three trees of varying height that ended with hearts on top, and she says she finished it yesterday.
She loves plants but, like a cat, she can’t commit to having them because she doesn’t plan to be around long, so she does topiary art as a compromise, and the extra money she earns goes towards buying her herbs and mushrooms. Her Father never managed to save much money and she wasn’t left with much after he was taken. She had to use her savings replacing the furnace in her home shortly after her Father was taken, and now she only worked enough to keep her living until the next paycheck. She spent the rest of her time training and researching. Preparing to go to Wonderland in search of her Father.
Character B is making friends with the cat, having charmed it onto its belly, and Coworker 1 gives Character A a knowing look. Character A shakes her head, says they are just hanging out, nothing serious. Coworker 1 says he could be good for her. She knew they had been hanging out, that Character A had let him stay at her house for the last two weeks. She wasn’t judging though, Character A seemed lighter around him, and he was so nice. She had seen him helping Mrs. Smith with her groceries the other day.
Character A thinks that was what initially warmed her up to him. Coworker 1 was right, she never brought guys home, but the first week that he was here he had never failed to notice when people needed help and always offered to lend a hand. Plus he was fun, and fun to look at, and he was always looking for a new adventure. He took her mind off of what a failure she was for not saving her Father yet, and he seemed relatively harmless. So when he said he had never seen her favorite comedy movie she just HAD to take him home to watch it. And he hadn’t left, she hadn’t asked him to. It was becoming a problem. Because she was going to disappear tonight, and a small part of her was beginning to feel sad she would never see him again. It was why she hadn’t slept with him yet, she knew she enjoyed his company just a little too much and wouldn’t risk any further attachment. Character A agreed that he was a good person but emphasized that it was just casual. Coworker 1 says alright, she will back off, and she will let them get to the party. She needs to finish packing and wants to leave as soon as possible. Character A says she understand, they hug and say goodbye.
Chapter 2
-Character A and Character B are walking to the Board Game party. They are dressed as Clue characters, she is Miss. Scarlet and Character B is Mr. Green. They had played every board game she owned, which was a lot of them, in order to decide what to dress up as for the Your Favorite Board Game Party. He turned out to be a good competitor and got way more into the games than she expected him to.
He hands her a cinnamon bun, her favorite, and tells her he had made a whole batch for her, claiming that he knew she hadn’t gotten one since they were hiking that morning, and all she had eaten that day was trail mix and beef jerky and he refuses to let her party on an empty stomach. She happily takes a huge bite, grateful for this one thing she loved before she left this world forever.
He says he’s been thinking and asks her to go traveling with him. She almost chokes on her food. His words rush out and he assures her he has money and can pay for everything and they can go anywhere she wants. Her heart sinks into her stomach. Before her Father went missing, an offer like that from a hot guy would have been her dream, but she couldn’t now, or ever. She looks at the half eaten cinnamon bun, thinks how he had made them because he had gotten coffee with her every morning for the last three weeks, and he saw how every Saturday and Sunday morning she would get a cinnamon bun the size of her face and eat it. She looks at the Green jacket he wore and remembers laughing in the thrift shop as he tried on a full leather catsuit while they searched for the perfect outfit for the party. He was too good. She begins to think that in another life, they could go. They could adopt an adventure cat and take it with them on their world travels, but that wasn’t possible for her. She wasn’t staying in this world, and even if she was, she was too messed up. Too broken. Too much of a burden. And she could never give all of herself to one person ever again, she did it twice, and was broken by both of them because she was too much.
She decides he’s gotten too close and she needs to push him away, so in the hopes that it will scare him, she explains that she can’t leave because her Father was stolen by a magical creature and taken to the Other World. She tells him the entire story her father told her, of creatures luring people to the Other World and keeping them for the Queen's entertainment, forced to be pawns in her games. They are ruthless and obsessed with games and everything reeks of roses. She tells him its her fault that he got taken and she can’t live with herself until she either gets him back or gets revenge for his death.
Character B begins pleading with her, telling her she shouldn't go. She is surprised he doesn’t balk or think she is crazy. He isn’t looking at her the way Ex-Bestfriend and Ex-Boyfriend did, like they feared she would infect them with her crazy, no, he looks at her with genuine terror in his eyes. She stops walking, they are just outside the party house. What do you know? She says. He inhales and steps forward, desperation etched into hs features, and says that he knows that everything she said was true, and that it is much worse than she even thinks. That if she goes, she will not make it back here. It’s too dangerous, and he just wants to keep her safe. She is flabbergasted, and checks over his features for signs. No pointed ears, no animalistic features such as scales or a tail, no strange eyes. How do you know all this? He doesn’t answer, his mouth works like he’s trying to come up with something and betrayal starts to roil in her gut.
Before he has the chance to lie, two men throw their arms around their shoulders. It is the couple that Character A hooks up with on occasion. They start walking them into the house and the one with Character A asks if she wants to come over later for a joint and to hook up. She tries to muster up a yes, it is what she wanted after all, but she can’t think straight after her conversation with Character B. She turns back to see he’s been steered into a conversation with a few other people and thinks she needs a drink to calm herself and give her some courage.
-She walks into the kitchen for a glass and bumps into her Ex-Boyfriend. She is thrown for a loop again. He says Happy Birthday and remarks that he didn’t think he would find her at a party today, since he knows how much she hates her birthday. Character A is surprised to see him and momentarily forgets about Character B, and asks what they’re doing back in town. He says its because Ex-Bestfriends mom is still missing. Character A says, oh, right. And feels stupid for thinking she wouldn’t run into them. She was devastated to hear Ex-BFFs Mom had been taken, she was like a second mother to her, but after Ex-BFF left she couldn’t stand to look at her Mom anymore and remember what she had lost.
He mentions something about the baby coming soon and Ex-BFF wanting to be as close to her mom as she can. Character A questions the baby and he tells her they are pregnant. Character A flashes back to both of them telling her they were leaving and couldn’t stay in contact with her anymore, that she had become too much for them to handle on the horizon of their new lives. She noted the way they looked at each other and how their knees pressed together, and that was when she knew they had been having an affair. She comes back to the present when he leans in close and says he actually wants to ask her some questions about her dad. She sees a familiar head with a mop of blonde hair moving through the crowd towards them. Seeing Ex-Boyfriend was bad enough, she cannot see Ex-Bestfriend. See her pregnant. And now he wants to hear what she has to say about the disappearances? You can go fuck yourself, she spits and walks away before he can say anything else, and thankfully, before Ex-Bestfriend reaches her. She thinks his betrayal hurt her, but her betrayal broke her.
-She is fleeing the kitchen, heading for the back door, desperate to get away from them, when she bumps into an attractive man in a red velvet sport coat with a red velvet top hat. They are both imprinted with roses. He apologizes for bumping into her and her heart skips a beat, thinking of the Queen's obsession with roses. She asks him who he's supposed to be and he smiles but pauses before saying his name is Character C, he’s friends with Character B, and her heart stops all together. A chill runs through her and Character B interrupts and asks him what he’s doing here. Character C hugs him and says its good to see him and says he thought he was dead. Character C turns to Character A and says that he took off for a month without saying anything, could she even believe it? And they had an important event that the three of them needed to attend tonight. Character B starts to argue with Character C when Character A hears her name called. The Guy she stole from is there, he holds up the card to the bookstore that fell under his desk and said he wants the contents of his safe back, and maybe the sheriff will go easy on her if she returns it, or maybe he won't since he will also be investigating his cabin burning down and one of his sons going missing. Character A plays dumb but he grabs her around the neck and says he knows it was her, she’s a pathetic bum just like her father. Character B punches him, forcing him to release her and they begin fighting. The other partygoers jump to Character A’s defense and start fighting the other guys that came with him. Character C picks up Character A after she was knocked over to keep her from being trampled, and Character B breaks away when The Guy starts fighting with someone else. So they turn and head for the door, but The Guy's Son, the same one from last month who she stole the bike from, blocked the back door.
-Character A turns and together they run into the basement, locking the door behind them. They run down the stairs and into a bedroom where she locks the door again. She whips out her knives and points one at Character C. “Why do you want me to go to the Other World?” He holds up his hands and smiles, “I need your help finding a weapon that will help me defeat the Queen .” “Why me?” “The Goddess showed me in a dream that it is you. I will pay you in gold and return you back here, unharmed, once you find it.” Character A hears them break through the basement door and descend the stairs. “Fine, I’ll help you do it.” Character B protests and steps forward but she gestures the knife at him and he stops. “But first, you will help me find my Father and send him back here. Alive. And healthy.” All she knows about the Other World is what she could glean from her Fathers stories and what she was able to research about lore, but she had no idea what was accurate and what was not. She would be a fool to think she should turn away help if she could bargain for it. “I will help you find you Father, but it won’t be until after tonight, we must attend the Queens party so you can search for the weapon, this is the best opportunity we will have for another year.” The Guy begins banging on the door. She took it back, she was being a fool, she had very little hope that she would be able to fulfill her end of the bargain, but she was out of time, and she may never have a chance to get to the Other World again. “Deal.” She says as she steps forward to shake his hand. Character C grasps it and an electrical charge runs up her arm. He pulls a small vial out of his pocket. He dumps some black sparkly powder on his tongue and a hole appears in the floor. Grabbing Character B’s hand as well they jump through it just as the door breaks open.
If you have read this far, seriously thank you so much and I love you and if you want feedback on anything please direct me to where I can provide it!
I wanted to note that the mention about her potentially killing The Other Son is relevant to the plot because he did not die in the fire, he was lured to the Other World and will be there as an antagonist when Character A shows up. Also, the mushrooms become relevant to her finding the weapon in book 2. She gets sidetracked this book by finding her father and bargaining to take his place in the game (the party they are attending is to watch this game take place) and having to fight her way out of them. The entire first book takes place over the course of one single night.

Male, 37, 6ft 2, 14st. For around 6 months I've been having symptoms such as widespread fasciculations, pins and needles (arms legs and head), neck pain, shoulder pain, numb right cheek bone, mild palpitations, nausea and some that I've probably forgot. I recently treat a b12 and folate deficiency and some symptoms have resolved and improved but several remain. I'm 90% sure the problem is in my neck as the nausea comes on worse when I sit with forward neck posture and the numb cheekbone can be triggered if I lay flat and lift my neck upwards. I found that I have cervical bone spurs at c5 - c6 and c6 - c7 and arthritis in my spine last November. Is there any way this could be connected? All other blood work and scans have been clear (ct, ultrasound, fibroscan, mrcp, chest xray). I'd really appreciate any input on this if anyone can help?