First of all, I want to say that I am not ableist. Nope. I think discrimination against people with factors they are both with is always bad, and basically my philosophy can be summed up in this Office quote:
"You don't call retarded people 'retards'. It's bad taste. You call your friends 'retards' when they're acting retarded."
However, I don't think the r-word (retard) is that bad. Almost every usage of the word I have heard in daily life has most definitely not been targeted to people with disabilities (actually, most of the usages are targeted to me LOL, with people I know, of course).
Even if you guys think it is really that bad, what are you actually going to do to stop it? 90% of every adolescent guy in HS either uses it or condones it as an insult towards someone for shits & giggles. If one is going to actively say they condemn it, I would imagine some ppl feel like they are walking eggshells when talking to one. I am guaranteeing you that no matter who you are, that a friend or a friend's friend uses the word "retard" or something similar, absolutely 110%; even theater kids might use it sometimes.
In school culture, at least American, it's treated more as a swear word than a discriminatory term.
Now, is the word "retarded" always funny? Of course not. It's sometimes overused so it becomes annoying and unoriginal, almost like 1st grade humor type shit. But, swearing was never meant to be original, was it? The nature of the sheer immaturity in adolescent friend groups is sometimes hilarious in itself.
Obviously, don't ever use it to people with disabilities, because again that is highly bad taste. I would like to think I support good conduct & the golden rule and therefore do not condone that kind of usage. If I had a disability, I think I would still be ok with the word retard, but just not with strangers saying that to me. Ofc, that is not something I am qualified to speak on, so if you're disabled, I'm more than glad to hear your input.
All in all, downvote me if you really think you want to, but I am more looking for inputs.

So last week I asked an old boss to put in a good word for me at this place I'm really interested in working at. I checked LinkedIn and saw that my old boss was connected to several people at this new company and I learned my old boss worked at this company for almost 7 years. So I asked him to talk me up pretty much. It took about a week for my old boss to get back to me with updates (mind you, I had already asked some old college buddies to help me connect with other ppl that work at that same company and they put in contact with them within 3 days not the point but this does add to my frustration). Anyways when my old boss got back to me the message was (directish quote) "as you likely understand hiring at company x is highly competitive, but it's great that you're applying for it. They are a great company" ...............what does this mean?? Like "its great that you're applying for it" is this person letting me down easy?? Am I overthinking it?? I'm so confused and frustrated. Why can't people just say what they mean?? Why is there so much mystery in networking and job searching???? Look yall, I'm just looking for feedback here. This is my first time trying to network my way into a job bc sending in applications for the past 10 months has done literally nothing for me. So I'm trying to try another route: networking. But then I get this strange response. I'm assuming my old boss is telling me the truth that they did actually reach out on my behalf so what is this????
I'm tired of burdening my friends with my job search woes. I'm kindly requesting constructive feedback reddit. I'm not doing so hot. Thank you so much in advance and I'm sending the little momentum and hope I have to all the other tired job seekers out there. I see you.

Over these past 7 months, we have witnessed some of the worst atrocities of the 21st century committed by the IDF. 45,000+ killed, 77,000+ injured, 2 million people effectively homeless, and 60%+ of all the buildings in gaza damaged/destroyed. We have seen IDF shoot civilians raising white flags, bomb places they instruct civilians to go, block the aid causing mass starvation in gaza, imprison children and civilians and send them to torture camps, use AI to bomb hamas fighters when they get home so they can kill their families too, they aren't even targetting hamas anymore in their bombings but rather civilians, and a lot lot more. What has been made clear now is that this isn't really about Hamas, as they have shown time and time again to be intentionally brining harm to the civilian population.
Their constant justification for all these atrocities is the october 7th attack. however since day 1, it was always suspicous as to how israel could've let hamas in so easilly and why they took so long to surpress them. Isreal is one of the most surveilled and secure countries in the world, it really makes no sense how one can just paraglide into a place that is so secure, and easilly land. In the time since October 7th, a plethora of information has come out that brings even more cause for suspicious on isreal's part for their supposed "big security failure" that I will be going over.
I want to start by mentioning this stunt by Netanyahu a few weeks before 10/7 at the UN.
a popular talking point from the pro isrealis is how the "river to the sea" chant is genocidal. well if that is true, doesn't that mean isreal's democratically elected leader also issued a statement of genocide before 10/7 even happened? I am not seeing Palestine on that map at all. Doesn't look like palestine's existance is a part of bibi's plan at all. I also see Gaza as part of isreal, by the looks of things, he wants that strip of land too.
to start, research has shown that there was rise in short selling of isreali stocks on the New York and Tel Aviv Stock exchanges in the week prior to 10/7. these investors were said to have made millions betting against isreali stocks.
https://www.peoplesworld.org/article/someone-knew-stock-traders-made-millions-short-selling-before-oct-7th-hamas-attacks/
https://www.economist.com/finance-and-economics/2023/12/05/did-hamas-make-millions-trading-the-october-7th-attacks
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/israel-hamas-attack-stocks-short-selling-october-7-study/
So someone had to be in the know. you might say it was hamas who did the short selling, but since all of hamas are designated terrorists in the eyes of the US, all their assets in the US will be frozen making it almost impossible to invest in the stock market. What is more likely is that some higher up/rich/elite americans and isrealis knew what was going down and wanted to make a quick buck.
Furthermore, new york times reported that isreal had the exact plans to 10/7a year in advance. It was an indepth, 40 page report on what hamas was going to do (and they did it exactly on 10/7). one of the officials they interviewed said it was "inspirational," but considering the rest of the evidence i gave, this is likely just him bluffing
The article also delves into how isreal knew hamas was preparing for the attack. additionally, in this BBC report, the women tasked with reporting any suspicious activity in gaza. When they did so they were "ignored" by the higher ups. hamas were clearly and visibly rehearsing hostage taking, raiding, and detonating the gaza fence. The main comeback I get from pro isreal people when I tell them that isreal knew about 10/7, is something like "isreal always get warnings of an attack". However I highly doubt the things mentioned in the BBC report are common occurences.
What's more is that Hamas literally were posting their rehersals on their telegram. They literally made zero effort in hiding what they were planning on doing. What I also find funny is that isreal wasn't able to notice when they post on telegram for these rehearsals, but when they post on telegram about their killings on 10/7, they immediately take notice to that, and already have everything up on "hamas.com" by the end of the day. just strange.
Moreover, isreal literallyconfiscated weapons from towns by the gaza border and significantly weakened their security. What other excuse could possibly be plausible for this besides wanting hamas to have an easier time taking over these places? "The Israeli army believed that the chance of terrorist incursion after the erection of the border fence was 'close to nil.'". funny...
Isreal also reportedly had information that the festival would be under attack but they chose not to relay this to the festival organizers or to evacuate it at all.
Now this is a good read from Times of Israel. Apparently, IDF and Shin Bet were well aware Hamas were planning a big attack for over a year and even had a presentation about it, and even said “This invasion constitutes the gravest threat that IDF forces are facing in the defense [of Israel].”. I also hear pro isreal ppl tell me that isreal didn't think hamas were capable of 10/7, well this presentaion mentioned would refute that point.
Furthermore, on October 6th and early 7th, they were detecting hamas activity and there was evidence to suggest an assault was imminent. Yet they did nothing and only took more secuirty away from gaza.
At midnight on October 7th, 6 hours before the attack even started, IDF detected numerous Hamas fighters active israeli SIMs. While this by itself may not be as suspicous, when you corroborate it with everything else, it should be easilly apparent to isreali intel what is about to happen
In the hour leading up to the attack, israel detected lots of unusual hamas activity, but didn't even put any of the troops by the gaza wall on alert, not even level one. This is especially odd since this deviates from normal military protocol. as a result, the hamas soldiers stormed all 12 idf bases by the border. the footage shows them storming empty looking bases and shooting idf soliders in their beds (they weren't even woken up??). and most of the tanks weren't even being operated. hamas was expecting to lose 80% of thier attack force taking these bases, but ended up losing barely anyone.
This new york times report is also interesting. In it, it further reiterates that isreali intel was picking up plenty of hamas activity in the hours before the attack even started. And that while it took 8+ hours for any of the civillians to receive any help by the IDF. This in it of itself is extremely suspicious, but even more so when you add the fact that the IDF literally tweeted militants had broken in just an hour into the attack. What is also interesting is that it took only 4 hours to send jets to bomb Gaza, yet they couldn't spare any apaches to help their own ppl in that same time? I also find it suspicious how "Israeli officials declined to answer questions about the timing of their response to the attacks."
I suppose after all this you are going to tell me something along the lines of "IDF just underestimated Hamas". But with all these intel reports they were getting, I just find that to be a little far fetched. But just watchthis video on the gaza fence. $1 billion dollars into this wall covered in state of the art cameras, sensors, and turrets, but it wasn't enough to stop a paraglider? Now do you understand where I am coming from?
If you are still not conviced, isreal were literally the ones who helped started hamas, and netanyahu openly admitted to propping them up, and isreal literally funded hamas too. its apparent that hamas was a sort of proxy for isreal, to justify their attacks onto gaza.
It was just the opportunity Israel was waiting so they could have an excuse to the world for their horrific genocide of gaza that has already killed more than 2% of all their people. They made up all these lies about beheaded babies, babies in ovens, and babies ripped out of wombs (seriously what is it with them and babies) and the western media ate it all up. They pulled out in 2005, because they thought protecting those 9,000 illegal settlers was more trouble than it was worth, and they preferred controlling gaza from the outside, but now they plan to drive the gazan population out, so they can harvest tha gas, create the canal, and build new settlements with even more settlers. already they are establishing a permanent base with reason to believe they will bring civilians there to resettle as well
Anyway, saying this was all a big "security failure" just seems far fetched to me considering their vast resources and the reports I cited in this post. But is something that isreali general Amos Yadlin said in 2007,
“Israel would be happy if Hamas took over Gaza because the IDF could then deal with Gaza as a hostile state.”
October 7th allowed them to do just that: treat gaza as a hostile state
I will conclude this post by quoting Douglas Murray, who is ironically a staunch pro isreal supporter: "Simply claiming something is a conspiracy theory, doesn't necessarily make it false. Not anymore"

I know Satanism is not about always true evil. But what I am asking is, is Christian religion what makes these ppl to be toxic?
Edit: Im not saying satanists are jerks lol. These are relatives inside a Christian village. Few of them can be “judas”; but most call themselves “born again Christians”
Because I noticed they are toxic to each other. So I deducted maybe; they have different beliefs bc of it & conflict due to it. Or whatever else makes them toxic? I’m asking … if you think some are religious&and/ or others aparently could be satanists? Are they rude bc are religious? Or bc are satanists not accepted?In that village
But I am not sure. I am just questioning…They live in a distant village. There is a priest in the family relatives - so almost nobody tells their sins bc of it. Apart from it, family dynamics also a bit toxic. They said cruel things to me before. Such as “Is not normal for us all… to do what is best for you.” or other hurtful quotes without any previous trigger. Without reason. Even my relative comits suicide there.
So def toxic environemnt? Some tension? Even between themselves as well? After my relatives suicide they made me bullying, phone harassment, talk rude; make threats; etc. Once someone got injured by accident inside their home & they acted as if I was the one doing it. They take no responsability and blame everyone around. Be mindful they could be into Satanism but do not even practice.

Hi everyone. I already closed on the house, so no, I won’t back out. I closed last week on a house that I bought for the location and lot, and less for the actual house itself.
It’s small, but has a basement that I want to eventually convert. I’m familiar with city code and the conversion won’t be too difficult. The upside to this is I’ll get to add more square footage to improve value. That said, it seems like I missed the mark on all the other things that usually make ppl walk.
It’s an older house, built in 1913, and it shows. It hasn’t been cosmetically updated since probably the 50s. The wiring is questionable and a few outlets are ungrounded/would need to be fixed. The piping is galvanized, so will need replacing eventually but is currently not failing.
I knew all this going on so I got quotes. My plumber quoted me for 5k for entire piping to be replaced and 2k to replace main sewer. Electrician has me at 3k for making all the electrical safe and up to code, but not an actual rewire if that makes sense. He’ll be adding gcfi outlets, working on exposed wiring, that sort of thing.
These are the big issues that came up in the report. There are other things like old windows and doors, but I figure I can live with that until they go on sale and I can replace. Did I just sign myself up for a huge money pit? Again, I love the neighborhood, it’s close to work, the lot is sizable and the backyard is gorgeous with so much potential. It really was the best I could afford when I factor in potential and lot size. Any thoughts?

I made a previous post sort of explaining the co-workers I have. Back story, I got assigned with a lit atty who is fairly new and is learning the ropes. The firm I work at is fairly small. The majority of ppl know each other from a previous firm or are related, just somehow connected in general. Anyways (x) person is a case manager who has been for over 4 years (quote on quote) I was promoted to case manager w/i a year that I started. I was crushing it! All on my own, from the intake to facilitating settlement , x-person even came into my office said “it’s embarrassing that you’re doing better than me” Made some organizational changes once my numbers weren’t high enough but recently moved back to a case manager for the lit atty. lit atty & x person are SUPER close. Apparently, lit atty and x person would basically talk shit about how I wasn’t doing this or that right. Ex. For a CD, we would just send it bare bones but with lit atty, he likes to add more personalization to the CD (which no body in the office never has done) I like it bc I am learning how to do so but ig he just got frustrated that I didn’t do it to their standard. Anyways,x person is the type of peep who kisses ASS bro to the upper management. I have worked under her before and we have bumped heads bc she wouldn’t want to step in as a case manager when needed! It was so frustrating. Anyways, me and lit atty had a convo yesterday & kind of talked it out. Lit atty mentioned that x person said that “she trained me on how to do tasks but would do it herself since I couldn’t do it right” I straight up told him I have NEVER done any docs for x person. I did all the grunt work he hated to do (take client calls who were upset,3P/1P calls, handle PD issues etc) he was confused but I’m glad I clarified. Anyways, I end up telling lit atty that he had a bias with x person since they know each other & that frustrates me bc I KNOW they talk shit. I told lit atty to speak to me instead of x person b/c obviously you can believe the person you know. I could have gone down to his level and tell lit atty “well, I heard that x person was lazy af from the last job, he couldn’t do this or that” but I didn’t. Idk, it just baffled me that x person would say that. Mind you, I was doing better than x person for 4-5 months before the organizational change happened! Another example was when a provider asked for PL and I asked x person if I was okay to send. Says nah but then proceeds to email them back giving the PL & cc’ing managing attorney. Like wtf. It’s small situations like that where x person wants to seem like the person who takes all the credit. It’s frustrating b/c I did all the work just for him to take credit for the $$ at the end, I know that x person hates that I have an office and honestly, it’s kind of funny. He mentioned how I would feel if I moved back to the cubicles (when I was moved back to the intake/treating person) and I say why? I would want the managing attorney to tell me, not him. He has the tendency to try to do shit around the office just for the fuck of it, like dude, worry about your damn cases. Idk. I want to say something but nah, I’d rather let my work speak for itself. It just sucks that I get the feeling that he wants me to fail , doesn’t want to see me succeed in being a CM. I feel like he deliberately does not want me to learn things so that I don’t improve. Idk, am I over thinking it? I hate how I felt after lit atty told me.

I’ll go first…”Jesus Christ walks into a hotel… he hands the innkeeper three nails, and he asks: Can you put me UP for the night?”. 🤣
i love this scene!! So much badassery and funny lines.👏🏼👏🏼 I’ve been loving some comment threads on the sub lately, w/ ppl quoting the movie left, right and centre. It gave me inspo for my decision in making this post!
Have fun guys. 🖤

My friend's gf is active on twitter and keeps reposting vague, cryptic stuff from time to time then stops for a few weeks. The stuff she shares are those bs quotes abt being frustrated over men and hurt by them, how she keeps sticking around for too long but when she's gone, she's gone. Also about feeling like an unwatered plant (that was an original one lol) - only a few examples mentioned. This is not a teen, this is a 30yo grownup woman.
Technically they could be about anyone and anything maybe abt his brother or idk, but my first association wasn't that. Did I jump to conclusions? The whole thing seems quite disrespectful to me since he doesn't even use twitter, the girlie has a relatively large following (so not just 10 ppl) and a public profile.
We rarely talk about relationship stuff, he havent opened up about specific issues, but doesn't seem super happy either. They're in LDR for 2 years. I wanna help the bro, and I was thinking if I were him I'd want to know. Maybe I can phrase this neutrally to let him know and decide himself how he interprets it? Or just keep away? Then I'll also unfollow the girl since this is annoying to witness, lol.

***I meant black women *sorry abt the typos
I just made this more as a celebratory post, because for decades black men have shunned black wlmen, more specifically dark-skin black women, about how we are undesirable and all. not everyone may agree but in my opinion more white men, especially rich white men (not that it matters) are beginning to get with black women way more and of course black men start their rant about how they don’t mean it or are just using us because they don’t wanna see us happy. they especially mad because the white men pick the kind of women they LOVE to talk bad about..black women. I just think this is a huge step forward for us, ESPECIALLY dark skin women. it’s just another sign about how the whole undesirable crap is a lie because some black men know the truth and try to push it down. just a reminder we aren’t undersierable..that’s what they want us to think. We are starting to get more regonition and I'm here for it 💗
here's the quote: Billionaires prefer Black women. They are loyal and guard your interests. Black wives are for grownups” -Ben Horowitz
edit: I cant comment on people’s replies but I am getting the message; even though it’s a nice compliment I shouldn’t base men off my self worth. I have read all comments throughly. I know that not all billionaires are married to black women I am just saying it’s nice we get a compliment, but I completely understand why it’s important for me to love myself for who I am. thanks everyone for the kind messsges and I can see why this comes off as fetishy as well
Edit: it was fake from what ppl r saying but we r still desired either way

I had a limited co that has since gone into liquidation. There was a large amount owed to them via their business gold charge card. Before insolvency they wouldn’t talk to me about it and cut my personal card too.
I know their t&cs say ‘joint and several liability’ as I was the director and main account holder. I have seen ppl saying that I am on the hook for this but others say I’m not - but I haven’t signed ANY form of personal guarantee, I didn’t put pen to paper and this was solely in the business’s name. This debt has been passed onto one of their collection company’s (NCO) but I asked for ‘proof of debt’ first and have denied liability as there’s not a PG. Amex keep saying it’s in their general T&Cs.
I have since taken advice from a company called Personal Guarantee and they seem to think these non signed PG ‘joint and several liability’ clauses are phony and not enforceable and they can fight my case. I haven’t ever heard of this before but before I make Amex an offer as full and final (I know they accept drastic discounts on these debts), I obviously want to make sure I don’t accept liability before exhausting all my options. I have had other cards like Capital on tap where there is a clear PG and they settled at a large discount too. But I don’t have the means to pay Amex a large amount now.
The company who are pursuing it haven’t even got their shit together - the letter isn’t even addressed to me it’s nameless. They have even told me I could pay a nominal amount of £1 per month, or they would take a settlement. Apparently they can’t report this to a personal credit agency as it’s a business debt. But I haven’t admitted liability as I feel I’m not liable so have gone down those routes yet.
What are my options? Has anyone any idea of what sort of discount as full and final Amex will take? If they can’t report to personal credit how can they pursue me? What is this £1 per month option? Are there any solicitors that deal with these types of things?
No the company doesn’t have the money to pay its insolvent.
Any help would be appreciated.

My whole life i have lied about things big and small but ive never had any intentions behind lying, such as to manipulate people or to get attention ect.. (this might be a long read but it’s all important info)
It started of as small things like in elementary school we were watching a video about professional bastekballers, i lied and said one of them was my cousin. I didn’t do it to get attention i just did and i don’t know why. (Obviously no one believed me)
One time in elementary, i was scratched by my dog and sent a picture of it to my friend saying “My dog scratched me” but in those quotes, implying that i SH. (It looked like if u scratch urself w ur fingernail) they obviously got very upset and our friendship ended,,not before me messaging her on PINTEREST apologising. I don’t know why i did that i just did it without any thoughts of “i shouldn’t send this” it was just impulsive/reflex. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then i started to lie more frequently e.g., if someone asked me a question like “ Have you ever done..{insert topic},or have u ever watched {insert topic}” i would respond w a lie. Those are just examples because i can’t remember every single lie i’ve told especially small ones. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As i’ve gotten older, i’m 19 now. I’ve lied about more extreme things.
I can’t remember much of my childhood, only “core” memories that randomly pop up in my mind; but i don’t have a concept of time w these memories,, idk how old i was when they happened. if i see a picture or if someone in my family mentions a story i can then remember it but only with the detail they provide.
For some background information, i have been verbally abused by my mother and she has suffered with depression and ‘manic??’ episodes my whole life.
When i was younger our relationship was very bad (still is) and we would get into yelling matches almost every day. These were me being yelled at for doing normal things a CHILD would do such as, sleeping in on accident, forgetting to bring something to school ect. And practically any chance she would get to have an argument with me.
She would scream things like “Your worthless, your useless , your a b*tch and ungrateful child, your fucked in the head” ect. She would say things along those lines to me almost every day for several years of my life. I couldn’t give you an age timeline as i can’t remember how old i was when it started happening.
I also have an older brother who’s always have a good relationship w my mum, she only treats me like this (i’m austisic and i’ve been told that’s why we “clash”) My mum was physically abused as a child and homeless around my age. She definitely hasn’t “healed” from it and still doesn’t know how to regulate her emotions and communicate effectively. My dad excuses her behaviour when i try to talk about how it has affected me by saying “it’s the depression, or the way her childhood was and she tries to be better!, she regrets what she says to me and loves me so much” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now to probably the worst lie i’ve told. I need to tell some background info tho for it to make sense! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It all happened when i was on 🍃 and at a park with a group of people,, two of my close friends, let’s call them G & B, G’s boyfriend J. 4 guys friends w J including K who G worked with and i was “close with” for 6 months. i will try not to go into lots of detail bcoz if i did this post would be super long.
K was very manipulative towards me, well that is what my two friends G & B would tell me. I could provide screenshots of me and K’s conversations but i won’t, to protect privacy. Me and B hung out with K a few times to sesh and i would talk to K frequently on snap mostly about mental health related things.
He let me vent and explain how i felt and would give me advice as he was older, more experienced and struggled himself. I had a crush on him, he didn’t like me back but we stayed friends.
I discovered i didn’t actually like him and it was just Limerance. We had lots of arguments i can’t remember what about bcoz there was so many. One i remember was he dropped my friend B because she had BPD like him but “didn’t try to manage herself”; not related to that, i started to feel a sense of “hatred” towards B and the way they treated me as a friend in certain situations. I would complain abt them to K often and K would tell me to drop B. i did this while i was still best friends with B.
Me and B’ friendship almost ended because K told them to like get a grip and manage their BPD and treat me better. I liked to B and told them “i’ve never told K anything bad abt them only abt one situation which i’m over and i told u i told K. “ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Summary of it all i’m no longer friends w K and no one ik has been for a good 7-8 months. I will include some “quotes” they said to me in one our last convo (there was another situation after this but if i include it’ll be too long) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I know that to you, you genuinely think all of the stuff you said was happening is, that's how mental illness works cos i was the same” ; “This is so funny that you think it's somehow my responsibility to control your emotions and attachments”
“You just expect me to cut u off and somehow manage ur attachment for you, you need to manage ur own attachments” ; “You usually accuse me of things unjustly but i've done that to ppl before when i was your age so i understood” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After some thought i realise that K might’ve been right about me and my friends were (partially) wrong abt him being manipulative and a bad person. Yes they’ve seen the texts and conversations and the quotes above.
It’s eating at me that i acted this way towards K because it’s embarrassing.
I have to end this story here because it’ll get to long even tho i want to include it all!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back to the park. We were all talking abt life events that have happened to us and i told everyone there that i “had a huge secret ive never told anyone”.
“When i was a young child my dad told my mum to get bread out of the freezer to defrost and then make my sandwich for school. When my dad had left my mum complained and started yelling at me because I’m old enough to make my own goddam food. It got heated and she threw the loaf of bread at this glass cabinet i was next to, the glass shattered everywhere and cut my foot. i started to cry and scream, which made her angrier. She picked up a shard and tried to un*live me.” i won’t go into detail of the last bit of the lie i said.
Now this did actually happen apart form the very last bit. When i was telling this lie i didn’t have any intentions behind making it up. It just all came to me and out of my mouth as i was saying it,, kinda like i was read a book and just continuing to read.
I understand that this isn’t something to be lied about. I knew i was lying when i said it/after. I cannot tell people that it is a lie especially because i am still friends with G & B. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Last week i had a conversation with B about it as i mentioned i think i want to start going to therapy.
My reason for wanting to start therapy (this isn’t the only reason why i want to go and not the only time i’ve considered it) was that i got so annoyed by something my mum had done i was thinking everything would be better if she was just 💀. And how i went spiraling wondering if i was a psychopath for thinking/imagining me doing it.
My friend told me that im not a psychopath because i wouldn’t m*rder my mother cold blooded and have no remorse. And something along the lines of she hasn’t done anything to drive me to do that. I brought up the “Incident” (the lie) and B asked me to say what happened again because they forgot.
I told it in the same detail as i did to them before but i said “it’s kinda uncomfortable to type” they said it’s okay i don’t have to ( keep in mind my friend has experienced very traumatic things and wouldn’t get uncomfortable with hearing) and you saying that it’s uncomfortable proves ur not a psychopath.
It wasn’t uncomfortable for me to say, i felt awkward because i knew i was lying again. I know that no one “normal” lies about things like this.
I most of the lies i’ve told especially this one because i have to live with this now for the rest of my life. Telling my friends the truth is not an option, i don’t know how they would react and i would end up with no friends, isolated and excluded from society around me. Maybe that is what i deserve because I’ve lied abt something so horrible and intricately aswell.
I’ve also lied about being SA, i have never falsely accused anyone. I told the lie without saying the “person” who did it because i “didn’t know”. I regret doing this and if i could go back and somehow pause the part of my brain that wires me to lie i would.
I don’t think i’m a psychopath, i have empathy for others,,atleast i think it do?? I tell my friends and family that i love them and display affection towards people. I’ve been in multiple romantic situationships but never a proper relationship.
The idea of cuddling with a partner, talking to them every day and doing lovey dovey couples stuff makes me uncomfortable and i would be awkward doing so.
I’ve always had to question if i actually liked/loved someone as i know the definition of loving someone and how it’s shown but i don’t know if i feel it. I don’t know how to tell if i feel love or how to tell if i like someone romantically.
I do have autism which can be linked with a lack of empathy. Now that i think about it i can’t tell if I’m empathetic. My dad had skin cancer and had to have reconstruction surgery for it, i didn’t feel sad at the possibility of him dying or from seeing him in the hospital bed.
When we visited him my other family members were crying or very emotional. It’s not that i wished he had cancer and died i just didn’t feel any sort of emotion toward it.
My best-friends, i love them dearly? if either of them died i would definitely be sad, but I’m not sure if my “feeling sad” is the “normal” like if they passed away i would miss them giving me advice, conversations, moments and hangouts together and the fact we couldn’t make anymore memories.
I feel a deep connection with animals and love to be in their presence. although when i was very young after seeing my mum always kick, punch or push my pets for their “bad behaviour “ when my cat broke something in my room i attempted to str*ngle it. I regret that deeply and would never do that ever again. Ever. If i had to chose between never doing that and erasing my existence i would.
I guess what i’m asking is if anyone who has similar experience of lying without knowing why or if anyone has any advice on what i should do please help!
I understand a therapist would be good to tell this all too but i am afraid of the consequences/admitting i lied about horrible things. I know that im a horrible person for doing this, i dont think better of myself for lying.
i would do absolutely anything to go back and have never told a lie.
If anyone can help me i would really appreciate it and definitely implement strategies to become a better person and hopefully never lie again.
If anyone has an idea of whats “Wrong with me” please share, be harsh, be honest, be mean if you want to. If there is “something wrong with me” i will definitely try to get professional help when i can or is there a much harder way to resolve “myself” on my own.

For quite some time I find myself in this paradox:
You hear from Kapil and other greats statements like
"There is no satisfaction/salvation in this life"
"There is nothing to find"
"Life will always be full of problems and an endless up and down"
on the other hand Kapil talks about
"the search for truth"
"bringing an end to all problems"
"finding truth/peace through understanding"
Looking at the world and my own life I can very much see that nothing really has any major significance and that the first quotes made are indeed true. And if it would end there I feel it would be quite liberating. The search would perhaps come to an end.
I find myself lost in the confusion that I somehow sense that there is nothing to find and that the goal is a fabrication of my own mind but at the same time one hears about the ppl who have "arrived" or reached a particular state of understanding and I can not help but to create a something. Has anyone a valuable insight on this? Is it even something that the mind can grasp?

Israeli media initiated claims that the international press picked up on which state that the UN seemingly halves/corrects Gaza death stats among women & children. This is a misrepresentation.
On May 6, 2024, the UN published data showing that 34,735 people had reportedly been killed in Gaza, including over 9,500 women and over 14,500 children. This data is the general consensus and has been widely reported. This data doesn't have a "identified as of Apr 30, 2024" section.
On May 8, the UN published data showing 34,844 people had reportedly been killed but it included a section below this number showing 24,686 fully identified as of Apr 30, 2024. Under this section, it lists 4,959 women, 7,797 children, 10,006 men and 1,924 elderly had been killed for a total of 24,686 dead.
UN spokesperson Farhan Haq told a daily briefing at the UN that the health ministry in Gaza recently published two separate death tolls – an overall death toll and a total number of identified fatalities. In the UN report, only the total number of fatalities whose identities (such as name and date of birth) have been documented was published, leading to confusion.
Two officials from the Palestinian Ministry of Health have told CNN that although the ministry keeps a separate death toll for identified and unidentified individuals, the total number of people killed remains unchanged.
The total number of dead also does not include the approximately 10,000 people who are still missing and trapped under the rubble.
Israel's war in Gaza is unprecedented and has been described as one of the deadliest & most destructive wars since WW2.
Israel has also been indiscriminately bombing Gaza aka adhering to their Dahiya Doctrine for revenge & bloodlust purposes.
Gaza is one of the densliest areas in the world packed with 2+ million ppl, 50% of whom are children.
In addition to the thousands who are missing, mass graves are turning up.
Even if we were to look at the 24,686 identified as of Apr 30, 2024 stat, it is still highly deadly & incomplete.
According to the May 8 data, 1,924 elderly, 4,959 women & 7,797 children have been killed as of Apr 30, 2024. This represents est. 60% of the dead who have been fully identified aka 60% of the dead are civilians out of 24,686 deaths.
Furthermore, the remaining est. 40% aka 10,006 are men. However, not every man/military age male in Gaza is a Palestinian resistance fighter. Therefore, at least a certain % of these dead men are civilians as well.
Going by the new May 8 data, nearly 7,800 dead children in 7 months of war means that Israel has killed on average 1,000+ Palestinian children per month.
Plus USA Today erroneously reported the following-
"But in updated data published two days later on May 8, the UN significantly reduced the figures to 4,959 women and 7,797 children among the 34,844 people reportedly killed in Gaza"
The updated figures of lower death counts among women & children are only accounting for the fully identified 24,686 deaths, not the actual total of 34,000+ deaths. Once you account for the remaining 10,000+ deaths & the 10,000+ missing, the number of women & children killed are sure to increase drastically.
The same USA Today article quotes UN spokeswoman Eri Kaneko who pointed to an April 30 update by the Gaza Ministry of Health on the breakdown of the 24,686 fatalities for whom the ministry has complete details.
They added that "The Ministry of Health notes that the documentation process of casualties’ full identification details is ongoing"
Although it is alleged that the revised casualty figures originally appeared on the United Nations website, it was actually the Hamas run Palestinian Health ministry that revised the figures.
In April, the Gazan Health Ministry said through its Telegram channel it had incomplete data for 11,371 fatalities. A record is considered incomplete if identity number, full name, date of birth, or date of death is missing, the ministry noted in the report.
So Zios suggesting that Palestine manipulates death stats via inflation & it was the UN that "corrected/updated" it is erroneous
Of course Zios are exploiting this opportunity to discredit Gaza's genocide/stats and paint Israel in a positive light as if murdering nearly 8,000 children in 7 months is positive even if we were to use the new, incomplete data
I wonder how the Zios would react if someone engaged in Holocaust denial or stated that far less ppl died during this tragic event?

I felt sick around 4 weeks before, suffered from a nasty flu for about two weeks on the third week i had recovered. My stepdad asked me to create a website for his company. interestingly, i did it a ease. I find it very interesting. now i am back to the usual routine.
DRDCEWMEC- i have found out new ways of recording the CBT techiniques on to my fitnes pal so that i am not only recording the diet and excercise but also making notes for the CBT.
As for today i woke up inthe morning aorund 11am. I realise the situation at my rented house. the outside environment is very difficult for me to sleep. I thinking moving outside of here and moving to a larger also quieter apartment would deemed to be neccessary for me in the near coming future. So from now on my routine has changed to sleep at 12am so that i am wake up around 8 to 9 am then i will start my day. today i woke up 11am then i had two coffee i took the usual supplements following the CBT strategies.
CBT; 1. meditation 2.diary 3. supplements including omega three, multivitamin and vitamin d3 4. sleep music 5. sleep tea 6. sleep perfume 7. cold room 8. lavender shower gel and shampoo (from 1 to 6 are active and 7 and 8 are passive). another classification is that the diary belong the the D and the other 7 are the CBT which belong to the C.
After i took the supplement i went to the gym. I realised i had no groceries left so i took the supplements with two cups of coffes and one mug of milk and i developed very bad diarroeah around 4-5 times. very good for losing the weight that is the good side.
later on the day i completed my food diary and then read sunzi, 33 strategies of the war and 36 military strategies of chinese warfare. One thing i learned most today is the ending strategy. Most ppl when they declared a war with others, they did not end with good terms and they will resume back to the original enenemies for no reason. Robert greene state that if you know/ analysis the situation, most often this is because of either of conflicting interest or the way of human behaviou human nature. very often there is nothing we can do about it. e.g. if this business or coroperation is against this someone's interest then obvious both you and him cannot come into terms. on the other hand let's say if he who can longer come into terms or taking advantage of you then he would hate you if you do not delater the ending strategy. From the famous quote the kindeness does not necessarily breed kindess in return in this world by Robert greene. The pp who do not understand this principal would struggle greatly.
Application: recently my roomate had trouble with me using the shared bathroom with him. he is claiming that he find it too difficult to share with me because he would like it to be more available with him . we had two shared bathroom one upstairs right next to me and one downstairs. I orignially agreed with him that it is ok for me to go downstairs if it is not too urgent but if it is then obviously i had to rushed to the one closer to me. Despit having repeated conversation i have devided to use the ending strategies.
There are a lot of ppl in this world who do not understand the society. they sort of live the world of their own in the example of my roommate he only considers for himself that if the bathroom near him is more available to him then it would be conveient and beneficial but he forgets to consider that what might seems convinient for him would also be conviniet for the others. this brings the key to advancing social skills, being a ppl person simplys means considerate more about others not only yourself. From the famous saying fit yourself into other ppl's boots. interestly, there are a lot of ppl in this world who does not understand this despite many years of repeptive failure experiences. in this situation because i had conversation over and over, i would not need to talk to him again. simply because if he does not get this principal then no matter how many times i expalinning to him it wouldn't make any difference. so what's the point really? so now it's the time to use the ending strategy. this is 1. the issue with the interest 2. the nature of the room who does not understand the common principles in life despite many times of repetitive explaining. the best practice now is to leave it there.
another learinig point of this strategy is the learn how to end the failure. in the past i had also experience failures and like many ppl i had learn to dealt with my failure 1. being hopelss and despair - thinking this is the end of the world and now there's nothing i can do 2. having negative thoughts and action about the society - blaming, accusing, being extremly defensive about yourself think everything happened is the fault of society 3. find nothing positive about the past failure experience and fallen into constant cycle of regreat.
what Robert said in his book as 1. Do not treat failure as failure but as a lesson to sucess so you need to know that both failures and success is in a constant cycles of repetition that is a common norm. what you need to do is to deeply analyse your failure and learn something useful out of it. this is also expalined in Rober kiosaki book do not just let life pushes you around instead learn something out of it which makes you stronger and smarter everyday 2. instead of being negative all times you should start learning some postitives out of it. this is greatly illustratd by the chinese philosophy so Ying and Yang. No matter how bad something gets as long as you are still alive there must be a corresponding positives. in other words if something is really happening terrible to your life then after you analysed it very carefully then there must also be at least one correponding huge positive. e.g. for my i graduated from pharmacy shcool becuase of my condition i cannot become pharmacist in the past i always thought of how other ppl in this society always descriminat me but on the other hands i have also learned the fundamental rules and algothrim of the society which is a key thing to master in order to thrive in this society. at the same time i als found my passion in tech, web desigh and cyber and going to pursue a carrere in this field. imagine if i never experienced these failures then how could i possibly learn and self develop and figure out my true passion. 3. feel extremely excited about failures since i just told you failures in life is inevitable and yuo know that failures taught us how to succed failures taught us how to thrive and strive better in life and in this society, failure has taught me how to fucntion better and accpeted better in this society, failure has taught me the importance of finding your target, do not be afraid, action and immeditate execution and the importance of long lasting perseverance. then now why are you afraid and why you are running away?

Awhile back I read a discussion, probably on Reddit, in which a professed psychopath (I'll call him Pepe) criticized normal people/neurotypicals (NTs for short) for not living up to their supposed principles. Pepe felt that NTs were more like psychopaths than they admitted, and were faking, or at least greatly exaggerating, their feelings in order to manipulate/virtue signal.
Pepe had a point about NTs often not living up to their proclaimed moral principles, but seemingly overreacted in assuming NTs were largely faking their feelings.
Pepe reminded me a lot of The Joker character (famously portrayed by Heath Ledger) from The Dark Knight. The Joker expressed a similar attitude toward "normal people" (NTs) Quote:

You see, their morals, their code... it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. Their only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these "civilized people" — they'll eat each other.

The Joker seems to resent "civilized" people's sense of superiority to those like him, so he uses terrorism to wipe away this phony veneer of decency and expose all the supposedly "decent" people for the selfish, amoral beings much more like himself he believes them to be.
I got the sense that Pepe was in denial about how different he was from NTs, and was unconsciously trying to validate his sense of superiority by denouncing NTs as hypocrites. The Joker had a similar, but seemingly less judgmental perspective — while Pepe simply disdained NTs, The Joker seemed to be engaged in constructive criticism, wanting to convert people to his "no rules" philosophy. Again, maybe this was just The Joker (like Pepe) narcissistically valorizing his psychopathy. And, sure, maybe The Joker was just pretending to have a higher purpose, but I would ignore this last possibility because 1) It leads to infinite regress and 2) It's fucking boring, yo.
I guess I am wondering two things about this: 1) What do you think of the Joker as a depiction of a psychopath? And 2) What did you think of the movie itself, especially its themes of morality and human nature?