I’m sort of dealing with a dilemma at the moment. I (23F) have intensive intrusive thoughts that I might be lesbian. I have a bf (22M) of about 8 months. About 2 years ago, these thoughts came in the form of being queer and not straight. I looked around at my mostly queer friends, the pop culture media I consumed, and my strong allyship feelings and I concluded it all stemmed from being queer. It was such a violent experience. My mind was constantly racing and testing out if I found who attractive. It felt like OCD. I eventually got tired of the constant rumination and settled on queer. The thoughts didn’t feel like myself. It felt like I was succumbing to something else telling me who I am. While I’ve never had a crush on a girl, I knew that just identifying as queer might help me settle the noise.
Fast forward to today. I currently have a bf. Now I’m questioning if I’m lesbian. Not because I don’t feel fulfilled in my relationship or I’m unattracted to him, but it feels like my brain is telling me that I am. I’ve read the master doc many times in which every time I think to myself “yeah this isn’t me”. But I noticed I started using the doc as comfort to settle my intrusive thoughts to the point where I felt like I needed to read it to feel regular. I would read it, not relate to it, feel better, start randomly having anxiety again later, read it again and the cycle continues. It has been to the point where I feel like I can’t be fully present in our relationship bc I’m afraid of this being true. I go back into my deep memories of childhood and try to analyze if that was a gay experience. My conclusion changes based on the day. I will say, I’ve always had a fascination for the female body. I’ve had physical feelings for them that I couldn’t explain from a very young age. I’ve had one experience with a girl where I danced with her at a club and it honestly felt the same way as dancing with a guy. I had fun. My type in men has always been interesting. A lot of them have been gay or unavailable. I’ve also had an experience with a gay guy friend from college where he would cuddle me at night and touch me in sensual places which caused me physical sensations. Since this was my first time that another person touched me in that sort of way, it was an intense experience. I never had a full on crush on him or wanted to date him, but I knew he had a hold of me in some ways. I dont think he knew what he was doing, but they are now more genderfliud and use they/them pronouns. My attraction to gay or unavailable men was one that I found interesting. I thought stemmed from me being insecure about being one of the only POC in my school and never getting picked. No one ever flirted with me or showed any interested in me. I didn’t feel attractive and never felt worthy enough to be in a relationship. Going as so far as to accepting that I would be alone in my future. People would ask me “why don’t you have a bf” and I never had an answer to that. So I thought if I just pretended to be ok with it, I would feel more in control in my circumstances. I’ve grown more confident over the years. I’ve gotten more attention, but mostly from men in bars or dating apps. However, once I made it upon my self to actually try to be open and recognize that I’m worthy of being loved, I met my bf. Who is not gay and was very available at the time.
As far as my relationship, I love being intimate with him. In fact, I find myself craving his body whenever I’m around him. He’s my first bf so this is the closest I’ve ever been with someone sexually. I’ve never had a problem of dissociating during the act or not enjoying it or having to imagine someone else to get there. It’s all been very enjoyable. I imagine us getting married all the time. I get excited about our future together. However with this, it’s hard to do without feeling guilty. We get along really well and talk about our future together. Besides my intrusive thoughts, I’ve been engaged in our relationship.
Which is what makes it hard. Whenever I feel something my brain is like “what if you don’t feel it?” Almost as if to question my very real thoughts and feelings and accuse them of being fake. It’s weird. I have a therapist that said I might have OCD bc of how debilitating these thoughts are to my day to day. I told my bf about last night through a letter and he told me he had a million questions. I don’t want this to end my relationship.

a couple years ago I decided I wanted to pursue a career in art therapy, and was on a path to achieve that goal. last summer, while I felt I was on a roll and knew what my plan was/where I was headed, one of my longtime best friends and I got in a fight because she told me I had a “different perspective” and haven’t been myself. her main point though, is that I had a warped perspective when it came to finances. which I can understand, because I don’t pay rent where I live, but I also like…understand financial issues and am broke. My family had more money than hers when we were growing up, but we went to the same private school. Her exact words though, were, “I know it’s been hard for you with your epilepsy, and that you grew up around people with more money than you, but you haven’t been yourself and you don’t need to fulfill the expectations of the culture you grew up around. you should just work in a restaurant and pursue your art.” What bothers me about this is that, even though my mom still does support me at the moment which I am very grateful for, she is not going to forever and doesn’t have like all this money like it feels like they think she does? I think people think my mom bought the place I live in for me, when she bought it for herself, and is just letting me stay here because I can’t afford my own place right now. I have a credit card she pays for to help pay for medical bills. I absolutely understand the “different perspective”, but I have dreams and goals that have nothing to do with fulfilling other people’s expectations. I want to be able to support myself, and I want to help others, and I want to do something that makes me feel fulfilled. which is why art therapy is appealing to me.
anyway, this really got in my head and I thought maybe she was right and I should just work at a restaurant and pursue my art on the side. which I’m totally content doing, if I made enough money at the restaurant I was able to fully support myself and was also successful with my art. but I’ve been so depressed I haven’t been creating anything, and I feel I have no purpose anymore. I also didn’t really like being a teacher. but I’m super broke, and want to be able to support myself financially. I know art therapy isn’t the most lucrative career, but I’d make more than I do now. It just kind of feels like she doesn’t want me to succeed, but she’s been one of my best friends for so long and knows me so well that I can’t tell if she’s right. however, tonight my other friend who also knows me really well said I should still pursue it, so I’m just confused now.
AITA?

Manifesting refers to the process of bringing something into your life through focused intention, belief, and action. Here's a structured approach to manifesting effectively:
1. Clarify Your Intentions
Be Specific: Clearly define what you want to manifest. The more specific you are, the better.
Visualize: Imagine your goal as if it has already been achieved. Create a mental picture with as many details as possible.
2. Cultivate a Positive Mindset
Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to reinforce your belief in achieving your goal. Say them daily.
Gratitude: Practice gratitude for what you have and for what you are manifesting. This raises your vibration and aligns you with positive outcomes.
3. Take Inspired Action
Plan: Outline the steps necessary to achieve your goal.
Act: Take consistent, deliberate actions towards your goal, even small steps count.
4. Believe and Trust
Faith: Trust that the universe is working in your favor. Believe that what you want is already on its way.
Detach: Avoid obsessing over the outcome. Trust that it will come to you in the right way and time.
5. Align with Your Goal
Emotional Alignment: Align your emotions with your desires. Feel the joy, excitement, and gratitude of already having what you want.
Behavioral Alignment: Act as if you already have what you desire. Make decisions from the standpoint of having achieved your goal.
6. Overcome Limiting Beliefs
Identify Blocks: Recognize any limiting beliefs that may be holding you back.
Reframe: Replace negative thoughts with positive ones that support your manifestation.
7. Stay Open and Flexible
Adaptability: Be open to the idea that your manifestation might come in a different form or timeline than you expect.
Signs and Synchronicities: Pay attention to signs and synchronicities that guide you toward your goal.
Practical Tips for Manifesting
Vision Boards: Create a visual representation of your goals using images and words.
Journaling: Write about your desires as if they have already happened.
Meditation: Meditate regularly to clear your mind and focus your energy on your goals.
Surround Yourself with Positivity: Spend time with people who uplift and support your dreams.
Example Process
1. Set Your Goal: "I want to find a fulfilling job in my field of interest."
2. Visualize: Picture yourself working in this job, feeling happy and successful.
3. Affirmations: "I am grateful for my fulfilling and rewarding job."
4. Plan: Update your resume, network, and apply for relevant positions.
5. Act: Send out applications, attend interviews, and follow up.
6. Believe: Trust that the right job is coming your way.
7. Align: Dress, act, and speak as if you already have the job.
8. Overcome Beliefs: Replace thoughts like "I'm not qualified enough" with "I have valuable skills to offer."
9. Stay Open: Be flexible about job roles and opportunities that come your way.
By following these steps and staying committed, you can effectively manifest your desires and turn them into reality.

Creating effective medical assessments is vital for evaluating the knowledge, skills, and competencies of medical students and professionals. Whether you’re an educator, a trainer, or a medical examiner, crafting assessments that accurately reflect the necessary medical knowledge and clinical skills is essential. Here’s a comprehensive guide to writing good medical assessments.

1. Define the Objectives

Clearly outline what you aim to assess. Are you testing theoretical knowledge, clinical skills, diagnostic abilities, or patient interaction? Clear objectives guide the structure and content of your assessment, ensuring it aligns with the desired outcomes.

2. Understand the Level of Learners

Tailor your questions to the appropriate level of learners. Medical assessments for first-year students will differ significantly from those for residents or practicing physicians. Ensure the complexity and depth of the questions match the learners’ stage of education and training.

3. Use a Mix of Question Types

Incorporate various types of questions to assess different skills and knowledge areas:

• Multiple-choice questions (MCQs): Useful for testing factual knowledge and recall.
• Short answer questions (SAQs): Good for assessing understanding and application of concepts.
• Objective Structured Clinical Examinations (OSCEs): Ideal for evaluating clinical skills and patient interactions.
• Case studies: Effective for assessing diagnostic and problem-solving skills in a real-world context.

4. Ensure Clinical Relevance

Focus on questions that reflect real-world medical scenarios. This not only enhances the practical relevance of the assessment but also helps in evaluating the ability to apply knowledge in clinical settings. For example, use case-based questions that mimic actual patient presentations.

5. Clarity and Precision

Write questions that are clear, concise, and free of ambiguity. Ensure that the language is straightforward and the instructions are easy to understand. Avoid overly complex wording and double negatives, which can confuse test-takers.

6. Incorporate Evidence-Based Medicine

Ensure your questions are based on the latest evidence and clinical guidelines. This helps in maintaining the relevance and accuracy of the assessment. Regularly update your question bank to reflect new research findings and guidelines.

7. Balance Between Knowledge and Application

While factual knowledge is essential, focus on assessing the application of that knowledge. Include questions that require critical thinking, clinical reasoning, and decision-making skills. For instance, ask how a student would diagnose and manage a particular condition rather than just recalling its symptoms.

8. Use Standardized Patients

For practical assessments, consider using standardized patients (actors trained to simulate real patients) in OSCEs. This method allows you to evaluate interpersonal skills, bedside manner, and the ability to take a patient history and perform a physical examination.

9. Provide Constructive Feedback

Offer detailed feedback on assessments. This helps learners understand their strengths and areas for improvement. In clinical assessments, provide specific feedback on diagnostic reasoning, patient interaction, and technical skills.

10. Pilot Testing

Before administering a new assessment, conduct a pilot test with a small group. This helps identify any issues with question clarity, difficulty level, and overall structure. Use the feedback from the pilot test to refine the assessment.

11. Continuous Improvement

Regularly review and update your assessments based on feedback and performance data. Analyze the results to identify any trends or recurring issues. Continuous improvement ensures that your assessments remain relevant and effective.

Conclusion

Writing good medical assessments requires a careful balance of theoretical knowledge and practical application, clarity and complexity, and challenge and fairness. By focusing on these principles, you can create assessments that accurately measure medical competencies and contribute to the development of skilled and knowledgeable healthcare professionals. Remember, a well-crafted medical assessment is a crucial tool in ensuring high standards of patient care and safety.

As the title indicates, I’m at a turning point in realizing my identity.
I could go into many details and provide many examples, but here’s the gist:

1. I was extremely early in my cognitive development, and I was identified early on
2. I always felt very detached from my peers. I used to think that their games were immature and uninteresting (at like 5 years old. wtf was wrong with me lol)
3. I struggled socially, inadvertently making my friends/ peers feel small. They said I was mean and impatient. I never meant to be… an example of this is group problem solving. I’d find a path quickly, and they’d take much longer. They’d offer an incorrect suggestion. I’d say something like “no, why would we do it like that? This (my answer) is literally the correct answer. Why are we still on this subject? Let’s move on.”
4. An adult anecdotally attributed my struggles with peers in genpop classes to the difference of “gifted” vs “typical”
5. I was so distressed about not being able to connect with people easily, or presenting as “arrogant”, that I wholly rejected my “gifted” identity. 6.I did everything I could to shame the giftedness out of myself
6. Any time anyone suggested I was gifted, intelligent, or something alike, I made sure to identify what made them think that, and suppress that behavior. I was MORTIFIED of being mean and arrogant. I’ve shed many tears over how just being myself could hurt others.
7. Because of this, I thought there was something fundamentally and innately “broken” about me.
8. I truly started to believe that I wasn’t cognitively capable of understanding challenging concepts.
9. I do have ADHD, but wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult. Upon reflection, I attributed my adhd struggles to my notion of just not being “smart” enough. Not disciplined enough. Not good enough.
10. I often “forgot” about being identified at gifted as a child. Of course, not literally, but I would make excuses like “oh that was just a mistake, I was too young to be identified”, etc.

Now, as an adult, I’ve been wondering why I have certain struggles with my peers:

1. I feel understimulated most of the time. (Going back to “arrogance”, I have a hard type even typing this out because I feel like it makes me seem full of myself) I used to have a propensity for stirring shit up or being a “class clown”, and I didn’t understand why I acted that way. I hated it about myself. I made my teachers’ lives so much more difficult. I saw myself doing this in real-time, and couldn’t resist the urge to do something exciting. I am ashamed of this.
   
2. I am very good at properly reading small / subtle pieces of nonverbal communication. When I would talk to people, I could identify how they ACTUALLY felt about something, and acted on their metacommunication rather than what they appeared to WANT to communicate to me. Like if a person claimed to have enjoyed something, but nonverbally indicated otherwise, id continue the conversation as if they’d just told me that they didn’t like the thing. I’d also consider why they could want me to think something other than what they verbally said, so I’d figure them out from there. If/then type of reasoning. This often resulted in people feeling “called out” and embarrassed. This was never my intent.
   
3. I’m incredibly impatient. This distresses me a lot. I don’t ask for help or delegate tasks because I can usually do it more correctly and more quickly. I don’t think it’s a ‘control’ thing, I think it’s an efficiency thing. If someone could show me that they could complete the task to a similar or better level of accuracy and performance, I’d happily let them. It’s just easier this way, especially when projects build off of one another.
   
4. I make people close to me feel stupid. I feel so bad for my partner. Truly, I feel absolutely awful. A phrase that often leaves my mouth is something like: “why did you do /this/ when we have /these/ variables? You could’ve just done /other thing/ and it would’ve solved the problem, and helped with /another thing/ a lot more efficiently.
   
5. I (before somewhat coming to terms with being ‘gifted’) would think people talked down to me or thought I was stupid. This is a big one. Me, thinking I’m of average or just below average intelligence. I genuinely felt like people thought I was stupid and incapable. I had this perception that they would over explain everything to me and go into extreme detail because they thought I was dumb. Turns out, I just caught on very quickly and logically filled in the blanks myself, and got the point of their message before they were done. This is huge. I wholeheartedly thought that people thought so little of me, they believed they needed to explain things to me in great detail for me to understand. I thought that if this was a common perception of me, it must be true. In turn, I felt worse and worse about myself.
   
6. I have an insane memory. I remember EVERYTHING. Visually, spatially, tactically, etc.. my memory is actually very precise and accurate. As you can imagine, this causes a lot of issues within my interpersonal relationships. Someone will claim something, and all I need to do is “open then file” in my brain and recall what actually happened. This results in a lot of “well actually no that’s not exactly how it happened” :(
   
7. My friends keep telling me I’m autistic. To be clear, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with holding the autism label. But I’m not sure it fits me. I also believe that this label is thrown around too loosely. My friends are absolutely convinced… But their perception appears to be social struggles + mild detachment = autism. I just don’t think this is true. I don’t fit the diagnostic criteria well enough, especially developmental delays. I was VERY early in my development. I also had no trouble reading people as a child… I just wasn’t interested in the same things that they were. I can read people well as an adult, too… I just get into trouble when I read them too accurately lol. I’m also not/have never been inflexible in routine or interests. I absolutely DO have special interests, but I’m also open to anything at all. I just happen to like what I like a whole lot. I prefer to NOT have a strict routine, either.
   
8. I feel incredibly lonely most of the time. I don’t feel seen or understood. Conversations with people seem superficial and slow. People tell me I don’t seem interested in what they have to say, and it makes them feel bad :( this really blows.
   
9. I probably value ‘correctness’ a bit too much. I don’t think I put enough weight into people’s feelings when they’re in conflict with “right and wrong”. I am sensitive to people, it’s true, but I more so value what is objectively correct. Idk if this makes sense. I find myself not being sensitive enough to one’s feelings if they were objectively wrong. Idk. I feel like an asshole about it though.
   
10. I assume people think the same way I do. I often move quickly and leave out small details. I tend to get frustrated with having to revisit the same concept. Edit- I feel like such an asshole typing this stuff out. I’m really sorry. I feel like a narcissist.
    

Now, I am coming to terms with this identity of mine. In some ways, it has made my life easier, as I now understand why I do/have done a lot of the things I do/ have. On the other hand, it feels icky and arrogant. I still feel awful for making people around me feel bad. I’m trying to reconcile “fitting in” with not disabling myself. Coming to terms with myself means confronting this sense of shame around “giftedness”. Any advice would be helpful (besides therapy. I’m working on this step lol).

Hello, I hope you have a good day.
These days, I have been turning over an idea in my mind, which I have been thinking about a lot and which has ended up giving rise to this idea of a magic system, which I have named Tulmaterium. I like to know our opinions about this idea :D
Mechanisc
The idea of this magic system is that some people that they born with the ability of access to this magic, called Thulmatists, have the power to create, with their energy magic(called Essence), a material that dont exist in the nature. Because they are materials that should not exist, they disintegrate over time (the speed of the process depends on how much mass of this substance has been created), unless they are supplied with essence in a good quantity or continuously.
This materials are unnatural because they have stranges properties to their phisical state or dont obey the natural laws of the element that they are associating(Every imaginary material have asocciate a natural element, like air, dust, water, among others.) In addition, each material can generate a different magic effect, that only manifests if the user add some magic energy to the material with the intention to use this power(not in all cases, but it applies in most of the materials.
Furthermore, all users of said magic are recognizable by certain traits in their being that can be associated with the element to which they were born associated. For example, those who can create the material of air may have hair that moves as if there is always wind blowing it or their way of walking is as if they are light as the wind.
Powers
In this systems, exists only 8 elements, with one imaginary material associates. This elements are:
Air: This element allows their users to create a gas similar to a dense mist, pink in color with orange touches like the sunset. It behaves the same as fog but, if exposed to a source of ultraviolet rays, such as direct sunlight, it undergoes an almost instantaneous and very violent expansion (in open areas it is harmless except for the change in pressure, but in closed places can be as strong as an explosion).
the magical power allows the user to alter the light that passes through the fog, creating visual illusions, making whoever enters invisible or altering the shape of the gas so that it acts as a lens that concentrates or disperses the light (in the first case creating a similar but more powerful effect of the reflection of light in the mirror)
Dust:
The material of this element are a type of dark sand, like the one present on volcanic beaches, but with a strange metallic shine when it spreads or forms sheets.
Its only strange property is that, with enough magic and time, it can be used to create black crystals that do not disappear over time, but lose their ability to use their magic power. Of course, when reacting with magic, they emit an iridescent and flowing glow, like the shine of tar, but more powerful and long-lasting.
The magical power are the ability to manipulate the sand to alter its consistency, making it denser or more fluid, or act as a filter or insulator for one element or another through the structures that you can use to manipulate it.
Water:
The substance is similar to water in aspect, except for it have a intense light blue color and more viscosity. The strange property that It has is that it is a very reactive substance, even being capable of damaging glass and slightly some metals that support chemical reactions, such as platinum. Of course, other imaginary materials and living beings, due to their essence, are more resistant to this effect, although not immune.
The magic power that it grants is the ability, by mixing the appropriate components inside, the user can use the liquid to alter said components, obtaining the molecule or alloy that the user desires from them. Of course, the process completely consumes the imaginary substance.
Oil:
The substance is a type of biofuel in aspect and properties, but with a remarkable purple color. And, like the fuels, are very flammable(similar to gasoline) and produce, in contact with the aire, a strange slag layer made of solidified air components (like O2, CO2, water vapor, among others) as a gelatinous mass.
the magic power is the ability to increase the power of the magic powers of other users that they are sprinkled with that oil and the user of the oil has applied his power to them.
Rock:
This material can be created in form of small balls of gold rocks with cracks through which a reddish glow is emitted, like a broken and lit coal in a fireplace. Despite their appearance, the heat they emit is only a couple of degrees higher than that of the human body.
The magic power of this material only activate when someone eat one of this balls, causing, upon reaching his stomach, the material to begin to emit controlled heat and cause a temporary alteration of his body in the user, who develops small rocky patterns on his skin and his eyes become intense as fathoms. This transformation consumes the essence that the living being possesses by virtue of being a living being and multiplies it, turning it into an improvement in its physical and mental capabilities.
Of course, consuming more spheres does not give you more power, but rather it lengthens the time that the ability remains active (although the effects later are worse when they are exhausted, since more than three or four continuous spheres can leave someone on the brink of death. a normal human)
Metal:
This material is a liquid metal, like the mercury, but less poisonous, more cohesive and a deep red color, like intense fire. The magic power are the ability to generate magnetic fields, both inside the metal (to alter its shape at will) and outside the metal (used to push other nearby metals or levitate the metallic substance).
Vegetable material:
This material is a strange green substance, contained in a wooden shell of white, brown and red colors, as well as covered with several spikes.
Its magical power allows, through an infinitely replicable process, to store and extract essence from the greenish substance, which acts as a portable warehouse for it. The curious thing is that, if the essence reserve is left full, but nothing is extracted for several days, the material will consume said energy to grow in size and change to resemble a growing tree.
If this process is repeated several times, in a few years you can have trees of this substance almost ten meters high and several meters long. In this state, touching the leaves of said plant allows energy to be transferred or extracted, its storage now being equivalent to that of the magical energy of tens of thousands of people or thousands of users.
Animal material:
This substance is similar to a white gelatin, inside which an incredible amount of amoeba-like microorganisms is stored. These are harmless to living beings, although they require nutrients and magical energy to stay alive.
Its magical ability allows the user to generate, from the available nutrients, any biological component (biotoxins, hormones, proteins, fats and so on) that the user desires, as long as the user knows its exact chemical composition and can maintain contact and the organisms that produce it are well nourished.
These same microorganisms can also be applied to a wound or in a sterilized space to cause them to undergo a conversion, going from their original form to becoming cells of the chosen living being. With this, wounds can be sealed or even organs can be created from scratch, as long as the user knows what their structure is like and the cells that should form it and in what order they should be placed.
And this is the whole system, I'm sorry it's been so long. I hope to know what you think about this and I would like to hear any suggestions or ideas :D
I hope you have a good day

trigger warning for addiction, suicide, neglect, abuse, drunk driving, pedophilia & probably other things
i dont really know what to do with my parent. currently, I'm kind of stuck with them like i have been my whole life. at least my partner lives with us now and has been an irreplaceable pillar of support, i genuinely dont know if i would have made it without him, not to sound codependent.
my parent struggles a lot with severe depression above all, but also anxiety, adhd, probably bpd (i have it lol) and other things as well. poverty is, of course, the main factor behind it. they have struggled with addiction most of my life, with it worsening severely around when i was in middle school. cigarettes and alcohol were always a daily thing, but it was those years where it became really, really bad. im talking start drinking with their friend (we were always at her house) when they got off work and dont stop until anywhere from 3-7am and it ended in screaming match arguments with said friend. the friend had a kid of her own, and i did my best to protect him from that, including introjecting in fights that his mom and dad would get into with him. my parent just let it all happen and excused their friend time and time again. meanwhile, they would drive me around blackout drunk, get angry and threaten me at random, and personally witnessed me fall to the hands of pedophiles and did nothing but laugh about it (much later on, after i briefly alluded to having been groomed, they went on to say"if i had known...", lol. but hey, maybe between all the booze, the memories just got lost). they watched and allowed a middle aged man to prey on me when i was 12 at a bar they took me to; allowed/ignored it bc they were jealous since they had a crush on him, even after i begged them to let me leave. i eventually became pretty numb to it all.
we were homeless for a bit. if you include being forced to share a bedroom and live with family because we couldnt afford our own place, it was more like 4 years. but that happens, uncontrollably, thats fine. i would later hear them talk about how they drafted up their suicide note and made preparations to commit during that time. some time around then, they sustained a head injury after falling while drunk, and i thought i had watched them die in my arms. i screamed at and hit them. it was an extra shame, because i had just started to get some feeling back- not always numb. i cared again about whether they died, after not having been able to make myself care previously, sometimes even hoping for it.
younger childhood was pretty empty, only child, i just remember being alone a lot. we get home, they went to drink and smoke in the yard, so i had to stay in the house. i later realized i had a lot of severe dissociative episodes a child, especially when left alone. on the rare occasion i get one now, it horrifies me and ruins my mood for days.
I'm an adult now, its been a good ~4 years since the worst of it, so i thought for awhile. we don't talk as much anymore, and even less now that my partner is moved in. its always awkward. theyre always upset. within the last year, they continuously stole my rx medications, and when i completely cut them off from it, they said they wanted to kill themselves and the only thing that would help was me giving them my meds. they said theyd admit themselves to inpatient. i offered to help, i tried to be there for them while standing my ground- they never did go to inpatient, and continued to steal my medications even when i tried hiding them. they frequently make passive aggressive comments or blow up on me out of nowhere, it seems like they take every chance they get to disrespect me. like an emotional punching bag. theyve taken money from me for as long as i can remember, whether outright stealing, or demanding and threatening. theyve been unemployed for a long while now, and have been lacking in efforts to get a job. but they did go back to school, so thats nice. theyre always miserable. theyre always about to cry. we've had several eviction notices as my partner and i cannot afford to pay rent with just our jobs. im also concerned they may have an opioid addiction.
and still, i love them. i care for them deeply. i feel so incredibly bad for them, watching them hurt makes heart break. i know i have to leave at some point when i am financially able to, but i am horrified of the consequences of doing so while they are in an even more dire emotional and financial state than usual. but i dont know how much more i can do. ive tried gently helping them in the past, and it ends horrifically. i think i will try again one last time. they don't have any friends in the area, and they never leave the house except to buy more cigs/alcohol/weed/etc. my grandparents are both too scared to do anything to upset my parent more, but to be fair, only one of them recently (few months ago)found out about some of the substance abuse and stealing after i reached out to him for help. he was useless.
even on the occasions they're being kind, on their "best behavior", i still can hardly stand to be around them. i instinctively ignore their messages if its not absolutely dire. i dont know how to cope with it anymore. i dont really know how to help them differently than i have, or more, i dont know if i want to- if i can. i might try reaching out to their old long term friends asking to give them support, but i have no idea how they'll react, and i dont want it to backfire.
i think they want to get better. i know theyre miserable, they have been my whole life. almost every waking moment of my life is occupied with this situation. how do i feel about it? how do i navigate it? what do i do next, if anything? i frequently feel like im being too harsh on them even if just in my unspoken opinions, and i like im never doing enough for them. but i really do struggle to recall a truly cherished memory with them, while the bad ones come out left and right, even when i try to downplay them.
what do i do?

I'm really desperate right now because I don't know what I should/can do for a living :(
About me: I'm 32 yo half Mexican/german and my family and I have moved from Mexico to Germany and vice versa every few years. We had a lot of family pronlems, which caused me to develop depression, which I have struggled with on and off for many years and have even been hospitalized. I'm also suspected of having ADHD. I'm currently in the process of getting it diagnosed, but getting appointments with psychiatrists is next to impossible. After school I studied biology in Mexico, but didn't know what to do with it. I then spontaneously worked as a horse groom and riding instructor in Mexico for a few years, but in the long run it became far too physically demanding for me.
During Corona I moved back to Germany and worked as a team assistant in a pharmaceutical company for 2 years, which was okay, but I just don't feel comfortable in the "corporate" world and the whole time I had the feeling that I wasn't there fit in. I don't know if it's because of the ADHD, but I always had a hard time concentrating on meetings etc. because I just didn't enjoy it.
I then did work&travel in New Zealand for a year and worked as a horse trekking guide, but now I'm back in Germany and don't know what to do. I prefer to work with my hands and not just in front of a screen, I like science and animals, but I don't feel like I can really do anything. I also prefer to work alone rather than with people.
I applied for a training position as an MTL (basically medical lab tech) and got it because I think I would really enjoy it. But my friends and acquaintances tell me that it's nonsense to do another 3 years of training and that I'll earn very little afterwards. But it's been several years since I studied biology, which is probably why no laboratory would just hire me like that. I know in the end only I can decide, but what would you do if you were me? Back to the pharmaceutical world, which I don't enjoy at all, but you can earn good money? The MTL training? Can you think of something completely different?

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This incident occurred on Tuesday, May 14, 2024. I recently moved to this area from the United States and work here as a software engineer. I am a man of color of Asian origin.
After work, I took a walk to familiarize myself with the neighborhood and visit the nearby Indian store. I sat on a bench opposite Brookvale Primary School, in front of a small playground. After about 15 minutes alone, two young girls approached (vaping, of course) and sat near me. They started a conversation by complimenting my hair and asking several personal questions about where I live, my family, my mother tongue, my work, how long I have been married, and whether my partner and I are together now. I responded politely to all their questions but did not divulge my address, only mentioning it was near the park and you could see a car branded Tesla.
They offered me a vape, which I declined, stating I don't smoke. They continued asking about smoking, drinking, and drug use, and whether I know someone who supplies weed, to which I also answered negatively.
During our interaction, these girls teased every man who passed by, but all were unresponsive to their remarks. Another passerby warned me that they were underage and trying to deceive me. I then ceased answering their questions. One of the girls called me 'Nigga,' and the other cautioned her, 'Don't be racist.' When I was about to leave, they asked about my social media accounts, which I refused to provide. One of the girls, who had made the racial comment, offered her mobile number in case I needed it in the future—I saved it to my phone with the intent of reporting the racial slur to the council or local police, and I haven't messaged or called that number even once. Then I left the area.
These girls then took a picture of me as I was leaving and convinced their mother to falsely claim on Facebook that I was pursuing young girls and had invited them to my home. This post included my picture.
For clarity, I live with six people, including my wife, child, mother-in-law, cousin, and his wife—our home is constantly occupied. I have never asked them to visit my home and would never invite a stranger home.
Upon returning home, I shared the ordeal with my wife. Later, a stranger informed me about the Facebook post, which had already been shared by 32 people, and threatened me and my family, demanding that we vacate our home and was giving death threats.
My wife and I contacted the lady who posted on Facebook via Messenger and explained the situation; she removed the post immediately but remained skeptical about the mobile number sharing. We explained that it was only to report her to the local council/police/her school about the racial remarks she made. My wife asked her , did my husband share any texts or images or calls or any body signs that is inappropriate ? the mother said no then My wife asked her how she came to the conclusion that a person is a threat to young girls and to the community without any evidence. She lives two blocks away from where I live and could have come to inquire about me and my family from the neighbors. My wife asked her to post a counter-message on Facebook about this misunderstanding, which she agreed to but has not done yet.
The mother kept insisting on why I got the number from the girl. We again tried to explain that I did not request the number; she came to my bench and gave me the number and I saved in my mobile because I wanted to report her for her racial remarks.
I still don't understand why they would reverse the entire story and make a Facebook post to assassinate my character. What are their intentions—money, racism, or other motives? I noticed they were teasing all the men passing by that area. I am sharing this to seek advice on handling such situations and to hear from others in Brookvale, Runcorn, near Brookvale Primary School who might have faced similar issues.
We tried to contact the nearby shop owner to obtain CCTV footage, but unfortunately, they didn't have a camera outside the perimeter.
This situation has been causing me significant mental distress over the past few days, impacting both my personal and professional life. Now, I feel anxious about going out and interacting with others. It's truly disheartening to deal with such inconsiderate behavior.Horrible people to be honest!
Thanks.

Hi all,
The post/mail is one of the most insecure communication methods available. Not only does our postman often deliver letters to the wrong house, meaning anyone can open them, there often isn’t a way to know if a letter has been sent to you and intercepted by a malicious person. Further, for people in shared houses, anyone in the house can open letters addressed to other people.
This means anyone can steal your identity if your full name, address, and date of birth is on a letter.
With this in mind, my pension provider keeps sending me post with my full name, address, and date of birth on it, even though I’ve selected the Paperless Communication option on their app. I phoned them and asked them if there’s an option on their system to make it clear I don’t want any post, and they said some of the post they send is a legal requirement.
Considering that, I’m wondering if I have a case to sue the government or the pension provider (or both) and try to ensure the law is changed to no longer put us at risk of identity theft.
There is absolutely no need for this to be a mandatory thing. If people want letters for things, they should be able to opt in to them, but we should all have a right to data security.
An example: I changed my pension fund. I did not need a confirmation of this because the confirmation is obvious by me checking my fund on the app. Yet my pension provider still sent me a letter with my full name, address, and date of birth on it. Why would my date of birth need to be on a letter that merely confirms a change of pension fund? This is scandalous. Surely I should be able to sue my pension provider for being careless with my data and harming my data security? My neighbour has been getting some of my post and I’ve been getting his. I don’t trust or even know him. Pension providers and other organisations should consider post to not be a secure communication method.
Any advice would be much appreciated. I’m based in England.

Hi, I’m wondering if you can help.
I am running a project where I need to create a ‘profile’ for hundreds/thousands of subjects where data can be input regularly and when wanted, a user could easily and in a user-friendly way see all updates of a given subject.
Can’t give any specifics due to confidentiality but I guess a close comparison would be the kind of system perhaps an estate agent may use to have a profile for a property under which they comment any updates that happen to it - although in that example they will, I expect, use a purely CRM tool where in my example there are no ‘customers’ or contacts.
In the 00s at school I’d have used Microsoft Access for this, but I expect there are far better tools now?
Could anybody point me in the right direction of the right type of software for this? Ideally looking for something without a subscription but open to all ideas!
Thanks in advance and apologies if I’ve not given necessary info - please ask!

I recently found myself writing a supporting letter to the council to help a family that have been relocated and are struggling to cope with the commute because of the three young children having to wake up at 5 am to get to school every day. Financially struggling, so I felt like I couldn’t ask them for money for such a service.

For 16 years my mil an oldest sil have been awful, after dealing with it for so long I developed ptsd from their treatment. I been NC since April and it is absolutely wonderful, I juss wanna talk about some of the things they've done.
After the birth of my first daughter mil an fil were telling bf to not sign the birth certificate, and the nurses were giving me such a hard time for him to sign the paperwork. So when he came to the hospital after work I told him they wanted him to sign the papers he was refusing to go get them from the desk an I just had a c section, so I got mad and walked down there and got the stuff from them an took it back to him he did sign but mil an fil were not happy... it has always been difficult with husband until recently believing me about how awful his mother is to me he didn't wanna deal with any of it an basically wanted me to take their torture which the end result was my mental health, makes me really upset cuz I could of been smarter and just left an maybe today I would be able to go into a large crowd of people without feeling scared an panicking. I can barely go into stores now. But anyway....
Bf was giving me money to help buy baby stuff it was 100 every week, he was also giving mil 400 a week. Mil an sil cornered me and threw a fit about he was giving me to much money. Which i find funny bc he was literally giving her a lot of money, I was also on government assistance for like 3 months an she said bf was entitled to half of that money.
Mil put her electric in bfs name (he still lived there) she let the bill go up to over 2000 dollars and didn't pay it off till he gave her problems cuz they were sayin his wages were gonna be attached, we had juss gotten our first apartment when they threatened to attach his wages. She lied to him about paying it she did some but not all and he still gets letters about that bill.
During the first couple weeks at our new apartment mil would bring a plate of food for just bf an would give me dirty looks while he was eating it 🤣
Now it gets interesting...
Fast forward to our second child mil stated to both of us the baby wasn't his but was my brother's 🙄 that was the first time she did anything Infront of him an he threw a fit after that its all been backhanded she'd do shit when he wasn't in the room.
I had gotten a tattoo on the side of my neck just a lil star and she said only trashy people do that, but it was ok sil got 2 on both sides of her neck.
Mil sil and sils friend came to our wedding in pajamas it was at the courthouse but everyone was dressed up
Mil took both bottom tiers of my wedding cake my friend made for me and my mom had to fight her for the top of it. She had also stole my first babyshower cake I didn't even get a piece
Sometimes on the weekends we would drink beers an have people over, sometimes sil would come over and few times she'd bring her friend and their mutual friend would come now I knew right away they did this on purpose and it was absolutely intentional they had this girl flirt with husband I over heard this girl say something about how her crotch would get so wet and I went off it caused a big fight and when I told that girl we were married she acted shocked an left immediately never saw her again.
Mil brought me pants of this really really big lady we all knew and said these should fit u
This one is the beginning of the end my father passed away and a month after was my youngest bday husband was outside cookin on the grill and mil and fil came in an mil starting making jokes about funerals even fil told her thats fked up. My mom went home later in tears. A few months later after that we learned fil had the same cancer my dad passed of.
Youngest sil overdosed 2 years ago and is bedridden now and mil takes care of her and her 3 kids 2 months before that happened we were all sitting at my kitchen table and mil told everyone idc what kind of drugs you do just don't get caught with them... I thought wow this is insane shit.
In February of this year I had gotten a fb message from someone idk and they were sayin all these things that would definitely make me break up with husband, in the messages they had given their self away sayin only things mil would of known. There was a huge argument and mil ended up writing husband f you and your family. Then all of a sudden sils friend gets a job at husband's shop an works with him... husband an I sat down and were talkin about how that whole thing was a big plan to get us to break up and sils friend to weasel her way into husband's life.
There has been so much more but those r the things that stay vividly in my mind. After the whole fb thing I was done an the last time mil popped up at our home an i had a panic attack she was told to not come here anymore of course she knows nothing and has done nothing wrong 🙄 an is currently telling people she doesn't know what's going on... she has to tell people that so she doesn't look like the bad guy cuz she has talked so much trash about me to everyone that they would know. She even sent her nephew to tell husband to call his mom 🙄 he never did... he texted her happy mother's day and she said to tell me the same from her I'm at the point I don't want to hear from her, don't wanna hear her name, I wanna forget what she looks like.
I forgot to mention they were all on m3th an that just amplified their stupidness which is probably why they thought that fb idea was the plan to finally get husband an I apart 😆 oldest sil is really bad on that stuff now an her life is Fallin apart everyone says she is goin down the same path as youngest sil but all they do is watch and talk about it.
If you made it thus far thanks for reading ❤️

My cat has started drooling big goops of mucus from his mouth in the last two weeks. He had been sneezing quite a bit at first too, so I assumed he had a mild URI, but the mucus hasn't slowed at all. It's usually when he eats that it's the worst, big globs of it pour from his mouth and I'm finding puddles of it wherever he goes when he's finished eating. It takes the colour of whatever he ate (brown gravy from cat food, pink cat yogurt treat, etc) but the mucus when he's drinking water or not eating is clear, not green or brown or anything that would suggest an infection.
I've looked up mucus in cats, but it's always coming from their nose rather than their mouth, and the cat is acting sick or lethargic in those examples. My cat is acting perfectly normal aside from the mucus and occasional sneezing.
Some other info on my cat: he's 19, neutered, he has a thyroid condition which is under control with medication, he weighs 4.6kg, his appetite is normal. He drinks a lot, but he always has, that's not a new thing and is probably related to his thyroid condition. He has very few teeth, and from what I can feel of his lower jaw the bone structure may have been damaged by tooth removal at the vet, possibly as a result of an abscess he had which led to teeth removal.

Hey everyone,
this question may be worded strangely but I was seriously looking for help from other blue collar women who have been there done that I recently started a trade program and have this one teacher who is so mind-numbingly disrespectful that I am not really sure what to do. I've finished my education all the way up to my Masters and never really had problems with my teachers before with the exception of a select few who would go out of their way to make me feel like shit for succeeding. Frankly I was always considered more of the "teachers pet" growing up.
I have no idea if I come as insubordinate to him or if it us because I am the only obviously non-white female in the course, but it's like he doesn't want me to be in "his space" and will be obnoxious just to establish his own dominance. Or he will always make these weird side comments of how I or my skills are inferior even though I'm the farthest along in the program out of the group and ace every aptitude test he tries to give me.
Some examples: was fixing a piece of wood to match into a slot. He said he didn't approve because it wasn't the way he would do it (even though he didn't instruct me on that to begin with). I started doing it his way so he would get off my back and it made everything worse. He came around to tell me some gifted students get the technique from the first try whereas others just don't have it in them and he guesses I was one.
He never really assisted me with anything while he was being very hands on with the other students and basically would only come up to me to tell me how everything I was doing was wrong to him.
I came up to grab a pencil from my desk and all of them were gone. His response? He didn't like the way I sharpened my pencils and did them himself, while actually giving me an individual lecture while everyone else got to work, on why his method of sharpening pencils was superior.
I ask if there are ways outside of school to practise what I do in class since there are certain things I wish to fine tune. He says no and that he can't slow down for me so I need to get with the program and cope since he has other people relying on him...like stakeholders
Every time I do something and it is right (which tends to be the case), he says I got lucky or he gave me a good piece of wood on purpose. Everytime I do something and it's wrong, it's just my inferiority showing :/
So far I just try to ignore him and do not speak back, but I really do not know how to handle this as this was never my reality. He said he wanted to discuss my background and understanding how I'm in the program later but I'm trying to figure out why the man is trying to have me do everything but what I came to this course to do, which is not deal with his foolishness and build my projects.
Additional Info:
I ask to speak privately after he made another disrespectful comment and had a lecture where he made a point to engage with everyone but me, and tell him I don't really understand what the conflict is and why we are having so many issues. I also ask if there are ways outside of school to practise what I do in class since there are certain things I wish to fine tune. He says no and that he can't slow down for me (even though I'm ahead???) so I need to get with the program and cope since he has other people relying on him...like stakeholders. He also inserts a bit about how he was only in my program for 2 months yet has made a 20 years career out of it because he was actually up for it whereas I just miss the mark? He also says he never assists me because I seem like I don't need help/like I'm doing fine. I ask him how that can be the case if every time he comes to speak to me it's to tell me that I miss the mark and I/what I'm doing are not good enough, like he had just said a good 45 seconds ago, and he gets even more hostile?

Actually he is my uncle but he has been the father figure since I was around 10. I'm 23 now.
So I did something (cooked some onion) and he commented about how "that's not how it's done". I thought it was (mistakenly so) so I said "it is done like this". He repeats himself and so do I two or three times, after which he was getting visibly angry. Just his face, he was actually containing it, which was apparent.
But this was enough to trigger me (if you wish to know why this was triggering I have a post about it, trigger warning for physical violence and humiliation). He started to leave after doing some explaining and when he was walking away I said smt like "you're already getting crazy!" (Which in our language sounds kinda worse but idk how to translate) Meaning the visible anger on his face that triggered me was overreacting to me just contradicting him. Supposedly, me just bluntly replying "yes it's done like this" is provocative.
Anyways after hearing that he comes back and gets in my face. He wasn't going to hit me, that's "in the past", but he feinted and I turned my head, expecting a hit. Somehow we ended up talking for like two hours, there were many points we both wanted to get across to the other and I doubt there was much mutual understanding , but what's relevant to this post is that he made it known that things would be "worse" if I ever spoke to him like that. That he would beat me if I called him an idiot.
He showed me how he has been containing himself all this time, and that even know after saying you're going crazy he didn't hit me. That's true.
He said he really hates being offended. He told me that one time when he asked a worker that was doing stuff in our house for something, the dude just turned his back to him and my dad screamed so loudly the dude was startled. Like did a little jump.
I'm like: you think that's good for your health? You've been containing your temper lately, you think it's good? Repressing it even further will only make it worse in the long run and you will stop being so effective at restraining yourself when you want to. He seems to think he knows a thing or two about psychology so he replied with condescension at my suggestion that he needs to fix the anger issues instead of just controlling himself when they arise. Whatever.
It sucks. What's even worse is that most lf the time he is normal. Like 999/1000 times. Our baseline is good terms right now. But my subconscious still remembers, I haven't unpacked all those things yet. I don't like knowing that my father would beat me up for offending him. I don't like not saying something to him (even if it is calling him stupid) only because of fear of physical responses.
I told him many things, like how it sucks fearing my own father and he said "don't provoque me then".I painted a hypothetical situation in which I called him an idiot to ask him what would happen if he didn't react in an aggressive/violent manner, he replied and finished with "but better never call me that". I was like "wouldn't you stop to think why would your son call you that? Why would anybody call their dad that way if everything was good? Or why I said you were getting crazy?" And whatever the fuck his reply was to that it probably boiled down to "you have no business saying those things". Sure, calling someone an idiot isn't good. Focus on that. .
My repressed emotions to his attitude all this years were there in the conversation. I kept stopping because the knot in my throat wouldn't let me talk, tears on my eyes. This didn't seem to communicate anything to him.
I wonder what I'll do when I get stronger than him. I'd be so tempted to start something just to show him he can't overpower me anymore. I wouldn't even hit him, just restrain him and faking a hit just so he sees what it feels like. Even then, I don't think it compares to an adult doing that to a kid or teenager. He has heart issues though, and as much as I wish for payback, I feel like his rage would be so much worse after being restrained that his heart could worsen (also I understand revenge makes no real sense, forgive them Father for they not what they do, if he could understand he would).
Anyway. We hadn't had an altercation like this in a while, and it's the first time I actually said something like that to him. He won't hit me if I don't insult him. But his intimidating nature is still present at times, for example when I don't listen to him and stubbornly oppose him (it happens sometimes but I only with him, surprised?) And knowing he can get like violent or just verbally aggressive doesn't make the "good times" worth it. He is a "good charismatic person" basically all the time except when these things happen. But I'm at odds with the fact that if I ever fail to contain my subconscious resentment to him and call him something (motherfucker, idiot, stupid high-iq but low-eq controlling dumbfuck) I'll get beat up. I understand that healing is on me to stop walking on eggshells when he is around, but I'm starting to dislike him on a more conscious level now. Which is confusing too because everytime I've brought this up to my mother, she seemed to understand part of how I was feeling, but ultimately it boiled down to "he's family and will catch a bullet for you, will always drop anything he is doing when we need help". WHICH IS TRUE BUT I DON'T CARE
AITAH for wanting to keep interactions with him at the bare minimum?
EDIT: I'd love to move out. I live with my mom, grandma and grandpa. He lives in the city and comes by 1/2/3 times a week, frequently spending the night or two. I still love them, and especially my mom and her parents, but being able to fuck off whenever I need to without resorting to going some place or park would be great. But I can't. I'd put an extremely tough burden on my mom, she'd have no live left: she works a lot, grandpa is getting very old but main thing is taking care of my grandma, there are some things like lifting her that only I can do because grandpa is too old and uncle can't due to some tendon issues on his arms. Besides the option to start earning a metric shitload of money to retire her and be able to afford 24/7 elderly care personnel, do you have any ideas about how to approach this?
EDIT: at some point he brought up the "how much love we gave you" situation. Now here is what disturbs me. It's true, I've been given tons of love, patience, opoortunities, the works, not only from the rest of the family but from him as well. So I imagine myself as a parent that loves their kid so much, and then I imagine myself intimidating him because he called me crazy, or hitting him because he didn't listen and did something different from what we had agreed on, behind my back, for the millionth time. It feels wrong, it feels ignorant. I'd be wondering why the fuck does my son agree to do a certain thing and when it comes time to it, he does a different one. I'd start thinking about why he keeps lying about school grades, failing to pass the year even when he sees how bad it stresses his mother out... Instead of hitting him in the face with a closed fist (but hey, it wasn't full force!!) because he keeps lying and driving his mom crazy.
But hey, that's me. I'm "not the one to teach him about psychology"
TLDR: father is very intimidating sometimes and capable of violence if I offend (as in insult) him. We talked for 2 hours I expressed him my concerns and his response boils down to "don't provoque me and we'll be good". Provocation is "reasonable", he had never screamed at me or put a hand on me for leaving the lights on or breaking smt or whatever some very abusive parents out there do, but for "insulting, lying repeatedly driving us crazy". And since he is only aggressive in a justifiable way, it would seem weird and sad to the rest of my family when they notice I'm getting cold to him and keeping interaction in the house to a minimum. They wouldn't fully get it, I know because I talked to my mom several times at least and while she seems to understand a bit she will beg me to "fix things with him". And to them it will boil down to something like "he does this because his dad can beat him for calling him an idiot? What did he expect?"

I'm a software dev with 3YOE. I have never been in an official leadership or management position. I have always naturally been the leader of small internal projects and school projects.
I applied for a position as IT manager. Ideally I wanted to become an engineering manager because of my software developer background.
Today I was lucky that I got 2 interviews from 2 vacancies I applied to. Both will be for IT manager at a medium sized firm. Responsibilities will be to lead the IT and dev team, managing budget, evaluate and transform processes, etc.
I have zero experience as a manager, which I had obviously stated in my cover letter.
I'm really not sure what to expect here. Is it feasible for a person with my background to actually go into a management position for a company that I don't work for yet. Usually it seems better if you grow internally, because you already know the company.
Any thoughts, ideas or advice? I'm definitely going for the interview, because it's what I want.

Apologies for this one being so late; Been sick for the last week or so, and the friday i was meant to post this, I think from memory I was busy :/ But I'm starting to get back into the swing of things, and the Glossary Addendum has also had a bit of an overhaul :D I'll be applying that tonight as well, to each of the currently released chapters.
[First] [Glossary Addendum] [Previous]
[From the Abyss Artisanry, Wolfreach Commercial District, Halsion Reach Region, Haldios IV, 12th of Emheraldis, 5011 TE]
[Boltz] The door chimed, though it sounded... Off today, and I sighed. I'd have to replace the old beeper with something else now that it had broken. As I walked towards the counter, I heard Chit's voice from around the corner as she said,
"I'll be right with you!" I frowned, noticing the strain in her voice. I stepped around the counter and poked my head around the corner, and then immediately rushed to help. She was trying to move a Draekkan mace, and causing gouges in the floor as she dragged the heavy weapon.
"Seriously? Leave Draekkan weapons to me, beloved." I said, and Chit nodded as I lifted the massive, spiked club-like weapon. Made of Luunic steel, the metal was cool against my hand as I cautiously hefted it, a dark blue color akin to the Lunwatch sky on a clear night with few stars. I slowly walked over to the storage racks, and hung the mace on a pair of large hooks. Then I turned back to my lover, and looked her up and down for injuries.
Finding none, I shook my head with another sigh. "Well at least you didn't hurt yourself on it." I said, stepping up to her and wrapping my arms around her lower back. I pulled her cool body towards mine, and she happily melted into my embrace. Chuckling, I planted a kiss on her hair, and gently ran a finger down one of her drit'onthke. Her entire body shivered and she giggled, before wrapping her arms around me and giving me a tight hug.
"So what's on the list for today?" I asked, resting my cheek on her head.
"Just a few armour sets which need some minor repairs, thankfully." Chit replied. I nodded, and then the beeper went off, indicating a customer.
"Solahra's Light, what an awful noise to greet a customer with!" A deep, male-sounding canine voice rumbled from out in the customer area. We reluctantly pulled apart and both went out to see what he needed.

As Chit rounded the corner, she automatically greeted the customer by saying,
"Welcome to From the Abyss Artisanry, how can we help today?" But as I stepped around after her, I froze. The canine man was holding a box filled with shattered pieces of art, it looked like. I stepped closer and realised that they weren't shattered pieces of art, at least not in the traditional sense. Rather, they were the parts of what was formerly a weapon. I felt my eyes widen as I realised what it was. I looked at the canine man, and realised he was a Labardon. I looked back at the pieces of plasma caster, which appeared to, on closer inspection, actually have catastrophically failed at a structural level upon attempting to fire a shot.
"I went to the Lunhaekin blacksmith over in Aellandendil, cos they said that fishing my ancestral plasma caster would be an exceedingly simple affair. Instead, the next time I went to fire it, the blasted thing fell apart in my hands!" The man growled, and then asked,
"How bad is it... Is... Is there any way to restore it?" His eyes went wide as if to wordlessly plead with me, and I gestured for him to give me the box of parts. He hesitantly handed the box over and I gently placed it on the counter before pulling out one of the furcloth rolls underneath and unravelling it. Then, one by one, I pulled out each of the pieces, and with each new item, my heart sank.

This would not be a simple fix of just re-assembling the pieces. I let out a heavy sigh, and, leaning on the counter, covered my mouth with the side of my hand while looking at the arrayed parts.
"This is... At this point you might as well just buy a new plasma caster." I said finally, still looking at the parts. I looked up at the man and said,
"If I reconstruct this, because that's what it will take, a full reconstruction, it WILL cost more than buying a new caster." I looked down at the parts again, and swore under my breath.
"The focusing plate has been shattered, and those things are near indestructible when carved right, the prism chamber is cracked, so that's no good any more, and the magnetic acceleration rings..." I trailed off, and swallowed before looking up at the man.
"They're not rings any more..." I whispered, and the man's face seemed to break.
"Is there anything we can salvage of the original parts?" He asked, his voice shaky. I looked down at the parts, and realised that there was just one piece that was fully intact. With a mirthless chuckle, I picked it up.
"The plasma compression chamber. That's it." I laid the small metallic chamber down again, and sighed.
"The rest is just... Junk. Scrap even." I shook my head, running the numbers in my head. When I finished, I swore again, and dropped the bombshell.
"You're looking at around fifty thousand in parts alone." I said, and the canine's shoulders slumped.
"If that's the price it takes..." He said.
"I will try and recover as much material as I can though; I might be able to melt down the mag rings for example and re-energise them."

[A Cycle Later...]
[Chit'eiwu]
The Labardon stepped into the store, a simple digital bell sounding, and he sighed, his tail wagging a little as he did so.
"Much better than last time!" He joked, and Jakob walked around the corner holding a box, grinning from ear to ear.
"Just in time, good sir!" He exclaimed. He set down the box, and the Labardon's gaze instantly honed in on it. Jakob laid a hand on the lid, and said,
"Behold, your restored heritage!" And with that, he lifted the lid like he was proposing to the customer, and the canine's eyes lit up, his tail suddenly zipping back and forth as though it were some kind of demented metronome. As he lifted the ancient weapon, my own eyes widened; It was truly a thing of beauty.

[Boltz]
I smiled as the Labardon man admired my handiwork, and in a voice that sounded like it was half pure air, he whispered,
"It's as beautiful as the day my sire first showed it to me..." My smile widened, and I said,
"I was able to salvage more than I thought, in the end. I managed to keep the primary focus cone; I simply had to melt and recast it due to a crack in it, the laser projector's crystal matrix casing also was salvageable, though I did have to replace the crystal matrix. So it now has a Kaurine crystal for providing the first round of focusing." The man froze, and his gaze flicked to me. His hands still raise, he asked,
"A Kaurine crystal? Genuine?" I nodded.
"Cut the crystal free from the rock myself." I replied. The man laid the plasma caster on the counter gently, though it rattled slightly from his shaking paws as he ceased to support it.
"My sire said that it originally had a Shell crystal as its matrix..." He said, voice trembling as much as his paws.
"They are great crystals for energy conduction as well as for energy focusing. It took a bit to set the frequency for the right channels though." He nodded, and shakily handed over his Orionpay card. I handed it to Chit'eiwu, right as he asked,
"So how much was it all up?" I grinned and replied,
"An even fifty five thousand." He blinked, and asked,
"But... the crystal... Surely that alone would be a few hundred thousand!" I shook my head, and replied,
"It's not a Blade. And it doesn't need to be anywhere near as big. Only came to around three thousand." He nodded, and Chit'eiwu input the numbers and scanned the card. The system registered a successful transaction, and she handed the man back his card.
"Thank you for choosing From the Abyss Artisanry!" I said, and he nodded, his eyes turning shiny with unshed tears.
"No, thank you. All of my friends will be hearing about this, and you will be my first stop for anything artisanal." I nodded to him, and he left, carefully cradling the restored plasma caster in its box. Looking over to the clock, I noticed that it was indicating less than an hour before Lunrise. I jerked my head towards Chit'eiwu and asked,
"Think we should close up the shop early, or wait until Soldown before we stop operating?" She looked up at the clock as well, then back to me, and shook her head.
"No, I think we can afford to close early this evening." I nodded, and pressed the button to activate the end of Watch sign system, and a moment later, a holosign in the window came to life and began a 10 minute countdown.

We always did the countdown so that prospective customers knew how long they had to enter to the store before we stopped taking new customers prior to closing down for the Lunwatch. As usually happened however, the sign completed its countdown and flicked to the "Closed" display, and I pressed a second button to lock the door remotely, and arm the security system. As I did so, Chit'eiwu walked into the apartment, and soon after, I heard the sound of her cooking. I smiled, knowing that she was bound to make an incredible dinner as per usual, and let out a contented sigh as the system went through the arming process. Life with her was... Good. Not necessarily great by any stretch of the imagination; Most of our days were spent working after all. But it was at least a good life. A life I was more than happy to lead.

When the system indicated full armed status some minutes later, I followed my aquatic lover into our home behind and above the shop, and arrived just in time for her to serve up dinner. As I sat down, a stupid grin spread across my face as I beheld what she had cooked up. On the plate was a kind of "nest" made of purple coloured strands of pasta, and topped off with a green-sauced mince of some kind. I looked up at my lover, who was watching me expectantly. My grin refusing to go away, I obliged her apparent intent, and used a fork to collect some mince with sauce, and some of the pasta.

As the food reached my mouth, it was like an explosion of flavours; An earthy, slightly spicy flavour issued forth from the sauce, and the mince tasted somewhat like yuron, a kind of cattle animal from Zehllukarn Prime, and it was followed up by a surprisingly sweet flavour from the pasta as it rotated around in my mouth as I chewed. Swallowing, I said,
"This is incredible! I can't even properly describe it; it's... It's like an explosion of all different flavours coming together in my mouth!" Chit's face turned a fierce azure, and my grin widened. The grin morphing into a smirk, I added,
"You're definitely getting rewarded this Lunwatch, beloved."

[A Few Hours Later...]

[Boltz]

As Chit'eiwu walked into the bedroom we shared upstairs, I put the dishes from our dinner into the automatic dishwasher, and followed her up. As I reached the laundry room, I stripped off my clothes from the Solwatch, and tossed them expertly into the laundry, each garment hitting the wall and bouncing off slightly to fall into the clothes basket waiting below, before walking into the bedroom entirely unclad. Chit'eiwu was laying in the bed, the blanket covering her amethyst body from view, and in such a way that I knew that she too had put her clothes in the laundry. I walked around the bed, and pulled down the blanket to get in beside her, and after that, things turn rather hazy for a little while.

[A Week Later...]

[Chit'Eiwu]
Jakob and I stepped off of the transport, hand-in-grasper, him looking absolutely divine in a glacial blue suit with silver trimmings, seeming to be a walking ice sculpture. Complimenting him, I opted for a taste of my birthplace; Trimmed with onyx hems, I was wearing a deep, abyssal purple dress, showing off my relatively lighter purple skin, becoming a shadow of the Abyss to act as the dark counterpart to my Warrior of the Overwaves. I looked towards him as we stepped inside the Fortress of Kaur'Ainda together for the first time since I was Ascended by both him and Cewa together.
He looked back at me, smiled and squeezed my hand reassuringly, before saying over our rarely-used connection,
There's no need to be nervous; It's just a Greenmarch Feast, my Siren. As I did every time he called me that, I giggled; At first I had been confused by him calling me an alarm sound, until he showed me one of the few surviving Terran records from... Wherever it was that they came from. Terran, or at the time, Human, women of extraordinary beauty, totally uncovered, and singing some kind of song that lured male sailors to their deaths.
Then he had sent me an image of how he viewed me; My plain purple skin instead appeared almost... Luminous, and my average green eyes were glittering emerald gems. My hair, an equally unremarkable azure, was a brilliant blue that resembled the Azuresheet high above even the Overwaves, and in his mind's eye, my cheeks were flushed slightly blue. I had never considered myself to be attractive by any means; In the Abyss I would have struggled to find a mate...
But here in the Overwaves? I had been chosen by a Terran, that enigmatic, smooth-skinned, near-prey-like biped species who were renowned for absurd feats of strength and endurance. I was not as fragile as I seemed, even before my Ascension...
But Jakob seemed to realise that early on; The first time we lay together, an eye-rolling, mind-erasing experience, he showed such gentleness that it was hard to believe the stories... Until the very next day when I had struggled to move a shipment of materials that had come in, even barely raising it, and he had simply come in and told me to let it go, before seeming to effortlessly pick up the heavy box and carry it into the Forge, before placing it down and rapidly sorting the material inside for me. I had asked him about it, and his response was a mere shrug, and to say, It wasn't that heavy for me; Absolutely awkward, but not anything that will break my back.

In the present, we stepped into the Great Hall, and froze. It had been totally transformed, becoming a verdant green forest canopy under which wooden tables seemingly made from the trunks of trees, with seats formed from sections of log from great tree branches. Seiranha saw us enter, and rushed over to greet us.
"Boltz! Chit!" She exclaimed, and hugged us both in turn. It felt... Odd, to be given a hug by a Vampyris, but this particular one was a friend, and so I happily returned the hug, albeit reluctantly letting go of Jakob's hand to do so. We held the hug for a few eternal moments, before she let go and did the same to Jakob, who greeted her warmly.
"You look great!" Jakob said to the Vampyris warrior, and she blushed a deep golden color on her pale cream skin. It looked almost like golden Skyblaze rays were touching her cheeks as she giggled. But Jakob was right; She was garbed in a flowing set of obviously ceremonial armour which appeared to have been made by first weaving a suit of leaves, and then attaching segments of bark to the resulting garment. And combined with her silver-in-crimson eyes...
"You look sort of like a vengeful forest spirit in this armour, Master Seiranha!" I said, and the woman grinned.
"That's sort of the idea. Not many people remember that the spirits of the forests of all our worlds yet live... And for those who do not respect the forest's inhabitants, only death can be anticipated, or worse."

Over the course of what remained of the Solwatch, we enjoyed the Greenmarch Feast, and soon enough, it was time to scatter to our homes once again, to rest away the overindulgences of the Feast.

[Boltz]
As the transport landed at the Wolfreach starport, Chit and I walked down the ramp, though she was somewhat unsteady on her legs. Chuckling, I asked her,
"Would you like me to carry you home?" She looked at me, her face blazing sapphire, but through our connection, she, apparently not realising she was 'speaking', replied, I thought you'd never ask... My mighty Skybright, carrying me like an Inkle in his powerful arms... As the thought travelled over our connection the azure spread, and I shook my head with a grin. I really was the luckiest guy in the Reach to have landed such an exotic life partner. She happily stepped in closer to me, and I swept her off her feet, much to her almost drunken delight, and she let out a whoop of surprise.
However, as her intoxicated brain realised what had happened, she melted into my embrace, burbling away in my ear as though she had been returned to her youngest of Watches. I was all too happy to carry my lover home of course; The sound of her tripled heartbeat like a three-beat rhythm pulsed against my own heart, and her emerald gaze was transfixed on my face, the look in those beautiful green orbs one of utter and complete adoration.

After around 10 minutes, we reached the shop, and I swiped my wristcomm over the new sensor, first up-down, then right-left. The two-part verification proved my identity, and the door swung open automatically, a recent addition I had also made. As we cleared the door, I swept my foot around and behind me to close the door again, and carried Chit to the bedroom in our apartment, before laying her gently down on the bed, and saying,
"Unfortunately, I've gotta take that incredible dress off you or it will be ruined in your sleep." Chit vaguely nodded, and I helped her stand back up. Having done this routine together before, she laid her arms on my shoulders for added balancing support, and I bent down to grab the bottom of the dress, before slowly pulling it up to her chest. Feeling the garment fully above her hips, Chit carefully sat down on the bed, and I carefully pulled the dress up and over her head, then down her arms.

Turning around, I draped the dress across a nearby dresser, smoothing out any wrinkles in it, and then returned my attention to my lover, who was now completely undressed. Once again taking up the role of caregiver, I wrapped an arm around her and scooped her up once more before laying her on the bed sideways, where she let out a small gasp as the cold fabric touched her bare skin. I gave her a reassuring smile and said,
"I'll have you nice and warm soon enough, Heartstreasure." And with that, I stripped off my own suit, carefully draping it over a chair, and then pulled off the underwear I had worn for the Feast, and climbed under the covers beside Chit. Upon feeling me enter the bed, she shifted over, hissing a bit as she moved off the warmed area, and melted her body against my own. As she settled into a comfortable position, one of her legs across mine, she said through repeated yawns,
"May... May you swim... With the... Blessing of... Of Drynedaea... My.... Sky-Warrior..." Chuckling as I wrapped an arm around her back, I kissed her gently on the forehead and over our connection, replied,
"May Luunah Guard your Dreams, Heartstreasure of the Depths." And with that, as if it were a cue, Chit's breathing shifted to become deep and regular, and the sound along with the rising and falling of her amethyst chest against my skin sung its own siren song, dragging me down into...
[Next: To Tread the Shaded Path]

Actually he is my uncle but he has been the father figure since I was around 10. I'm 23 now.
So I did something (cooked some onion) and he commented about how "that's not how it's done". I thought it was (mistakenly so) so I said "it is done like this". He repeats himself and so do I two or three times, after which he was getting visibly angry. Just his face, he was actually containing it, which was apparent.
But this was enough to trigger me (if you wish to know why this was triggering I have a post about it, trigger warning for physical violence and humiliation). He started to leave after doing some explaining and when he was walking away I said smt like "you're already getting crazy!" (Which in our language sounds kinda worse but idk how to translate) Meaning the visible anger on his face that triggered me was overreacting to me just contradicting him. Supposedly, me just bluntly replying "yes it's done like this" is provocative.
Anyways after hearing that he comes back and gets in my face. He wasn't going to hit me, that's "in the past", but he feinted and I turned my head, expecting a hit. Somehow we ended up talking for like two hours, there were many points we both wanted to get across to the other and I doubt there was much mutual understanding , but what's relevant to this post is that he made it known that things would be "worse" if I ever spoke to him like that. That he would beat me if I called him an idiot.
He showed me how he has been containing himself all this time, and that even know after saying you're going crazy he didn't hit me. That's true.
He said he really hates being offended. He told me that one time when he asked a worker that was doing stuff in our house for something, the dude just turned his back to him and my dad screamed so loudly the dude was startled. Like did a little jump.
I'm like: you think that's good for your health? You've been containing your temper lately, you think it's good? Repressing it even further will only make it worse in the long run and you will stop being so effective at restraining yourself when you want to. He seems to think he knows a thing or two about psychology so he replied with condescension at my suggestion that he needs to fix the anger issues instead of just controlling himself when they arise. Whatever.
It sucks. What's even worse is that most lf the time he is normal. Like 999/1000 times. Our baseline is good terms right now. But my subconscious still remembers, I haven't unpacked all those things yet. I don't like knowing that my father would beat me up for offending him. I don't like not saying something to him (even if it is calling him stupid) only because of fear of physical responses.
I told him many things, like how it sucks fearing my own father and he said "don't provoque me then".I painted a hypothetical situation in which I called him an idiot to ask him what would happen if he didn't react in an aggressive/violent manner, he replied and finished with "but better never call me that". I was like "wouldn't you stop to think why would your son call you that? Why would anybody call their dad that way if everything was good? Or why I said you were getting crazy?" And whatever the fuck his reply was to that it probably boiled down to "you have no business saying those things". Sure, calling someone an idiot isn't good. Focus on that. .
My repressed emotions to his attitude all this years were there in the conversation. I kept stopping because the knot in my throat wouldn't let me talk, tears on my eyes. This didn't seem to communicate anything to him.
I wonder what I'll do when I get stronger than him. I'd be so tempted to start something just to show him he can't overpower me anymore. I wouldn't even hit him, just restrain him and faking a hit just so he sees what it feels like. Even then, I don't think it compares to an adult doing that to a kid or teenager. He has heart issues though, and as much as I wish for payback, I feel like his rage would be so much worse after being restrained that his heart could worsen (also I understand revenge makes no real sense, forgive them Father for they not what they do, if he could understand he would).
Anyway. We hadn't had an altercation like this in a while, and it's the first time I actually said something like that to him. He won't hit me if I don't insult him. But his intimidating nature is still present at times, for example when I don't listen to him and stubbornly oppose him (it happens sometimes but I only with him, surprised?) And knowing he can get like violent or just verbally aggressive doesn't make the "good times" worth it. He is a "good charismatic person" basically all the time except when these things happen. But I'm at odds with the fact that if I ever fail to contain my subconscious resentment to him and call him something (motherfucker, idiot, stupid high-iq but low-eq controlling dumbfuck) I'll get beat up. I understand that healing is on me to stop walking on eggshells when he is around, but I'm starting to dislike him on a more conscious level now. Which is confusing too because everytime I've brought this up to my mother, she seemed to understand part of how I was feeling, but ultimately it boiled down to "he's family and will catch a bullet for you, will always drop anything he is doing when we need help". WHICH IS TRUE BUT I DON'T CARE
AITAH for wanting to keep interactions with him at the bare minimum?
EDIT: I'd love to move out. I live with my mom, grandma and grandpa. He lives in the city and comes by 1/2/3 times a week, frequently spending the night or two. I still love them, and especially my mom and her parents, but being able to fuck off whenever I need to without resorting to going some place or park would be great. But I can't. I'd put an extremely tough burden on my mom, she'd have no live left: she works a lot, grandpa is getting very old but main thing is taking care of my grandma, there are some things like lifting her that only I can do because grandpa is too old and uncle can't due to some tendon issues on his arms. Besides the option to start earning a metric shitload of money to retire her and be able to afford 24/7 elderly care personnel, do you have any ideas about how to approach this?
EDIT: at some point he brought up the "how much love we gave you" situation. Now here is what disturbs me. It's true, I've been given tons of love, patience, opoortunities, the works, not only from the rest of the family but from him as well. So I imagine myself as a parent that loves their kid so much, and then I imagine myself intimidating him because he called me crazy, or hitting him because he didn't listen and did something different from what we had agreed on, behind my back, for the millionth time. It feels wrong, it feels ignorant. I'd be wondering why the fuck does my son agree to do a certain thing and when it comes time to it, he does a different one. I'd start thinking about why he keeps lying about school grades, failing to pass the year even when he sees how bad it stresses his mother out... Instead of hitting him in the face with a closed fist (but hey, it wasn't full force!!) because he keeps lying and driving his mom crazy.
But hey, that's me. I'm "not the one to teach him about psychology"