Animal outline for research paper example

My paper samples

2020.02.11 18:38 MinimumCattle My paper samples

Where to look for free essay samples? Welcome to our subreddit. Find free essays on any subject and topic. Biggest Database of Essay, Term Paper, Research Paper, Thesis Paper Online Samples. Choose any type of example essay to find out how to write it.
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2011.01.13 00:42 datri Hoarding: Informal peer-to-peer support for people with hoarding disorder, and their loved ones

Support for people living with hoarding disorder, and for their loved ones.
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2016.11.10 16:15 fidla Industrial Hemp

Industrial hemp describes a large class of plant varieties in the Genus Cannabis that includes what is commonly known as marijuana.
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2024.05.19 03:03 MisunderstoodPenguin Any oldheads help me out with some research?

Hi all, I'm doing some research for a book I'm writing. The setting takes place in the pacific north west in the early 90s, and one of the characters is into manga and anime. What I am not super familiar with is how people in the US with probably no asian relatives got their hands on fresh manga back in the day. The only people I knew who had access to manga then mostly got it from family overseas, so I really am trying to find a good perspective on someone without those connections. Was there an american magazine that you could order editions through? Was there a niche section in some random bookstores?
submitted by MisunderstoodPenguin to manga [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 03:02 Careful-Librarian145 [Hire Me] Have your academic writing needs taken care of remarkably by a top tutor. Hire me for your online classes, dissertations, research papers, blog entries, admission essays, Lab reports, exams and quizzes.

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submitted by Careful-Librarian145 to Do_My_Homework [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 03:02 Brilliant_Aside8104 [Study Log #1] Item Display Editor

[Study Log #1] Item Display Editor
https://reddit.com/link/1cvc7j9/video/otk52sne8a1d1/player
I've been learning this shit for a week & this is my first above-10-command-block project
My first obstacle was the rclick detection. I made some research and found a tutorial of moosestew about this problem. However, he didnt say if that was multiplayer compatible or not. That struck me with an idea of getting each player their own armor stand within distance ..0.5 and the problem might be haphazardly solved
The next barrier was how to data modify player? i was pissed when ppl keep saying that player data modifying only available with datapack, which is true. But i know a thing for sure that i am able to modify item data from other entities. So i came up with an idea of summoning a chest minecart, copying the selected item to the chest, modifying the item inside that chest, finally pasting back the item to player inventory. That approach is bulky, but i am amenable to it
The third one was "how to save the data for later use". I've been informed that we have /scoreboard and /data storage to deal with memorizing data. However, despite the vast instances for scoreboard, i found examples of storage were oddly scarce. After few hours messing with the syntax, i managed to set item lore from storaged nbt. Thus, i wanted something editable, such as a book, so that i can rename the item with ease whenever i want without going through the long-winded syntax. So how to copy the data from a book to storage?
My first approach was checking that if i put down the right syntax in the writable book, such as "text":"test", will i able to store that text and merge it with the item data. Evidently, it did not. So I started finding the answer for that and i came up with the similarity. So basically, i am able to paste the data around, as long as the syntaxes are similar. And obviously, what i wrote in the book had a completely nbt tag with item lore. Thus, i just need to find something look alike item lore in terms of nbt tag then problem solved. Eventually, the written book have the same path with item lore, which was the final piece of the puzzle
Sorry if this is tedious, I just want to share something i 've been dedicated to for a while. I'm still learning and my approaches might be naive, so i would love to receive constructive criticism. Besides, im planning to learn more about motion tag and falling block, if you dont mind, can you suggest some challenges of these topics for me to thrive? I would so appreciate
submitted by Brilliant_Aside8104 to MinecraftCommands [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 03:01 CustomWritingsCoLTD Finding a Research Paper that uses Linear Regression and also includes the Raw Data used in the Study

Ps. I strongly suggest that you choose a paper in your field.
You should find one that meets your criteria in about three minutes.
Good luck !
Reach out on info@getstacked.pro or Discord for help with Tasks & Projects !
Statistics Research Project Psychology Statistics SPSS R Studio
submitted by CustomWritingsCoLTD to StatisticsPorn [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:57 Abo1127 Anyone else get SO MUCH lag?

I swear all of these updates are making it so annoying to organize anything. Like selecting multiple songs to sell takes like 2 seconds to register each tap. Now with the new quests thing it my library is so full to complete them that it’s super annoying to go through and organize. I don’t understand how there’s so much latency on this game when it’s nothing compared to many other high graphics games. Opening drops sometimes takes like a full 10 seconds even with the animation disabled.
Another side note of something else I noticed but the album covers for some songs are just wrong sometimes. I guess technically they can be right if it’s that specific version of the song on Spotify, like for example all of the songs on pink tape by lil Uzi have like deluxe alternate cover bullshit that sometimes I get and I wish it would just follow the album art from the album it’s from. Also like why are we getting the commentary version of DS2 by future? Who wants that shit why are there so many of these slowed and sped up versions, I obviously don’t speak for everyone but like cmon no one listens to that shit.
submitted by Abo1127 to Soundmap [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:56 AnkurTri27 My UFO Dream: Maybe I need a break?

So I used the shitpost flair, but I really had this dream and it was weird. Would love your opinions on this. (It's Sunday where I'm posting from)
So I was supposed to go this place I went with an old couple, myself and one woman and one man. We saw an advertisement of an island, and decided to go there. There we saw that there's some sort of a very big UFO device, which is huge and in a ball shape but it is made as if you've taken a lot of strings and wrapped it around each other. We saw that and got curious to know more about the facility. There were some folks who saw us witness and when we said "Wait what that's a UFO, they said no one is supposed to know about it. So they projected a fake UFO kind of like seen in movies, it was shorter, but looked more like a stereotypical UFO We went back and for some reason we had this 80s TV and that old man who was with me was watching it. He saw the island's advert there were majestic creatures special to that island. And suddenly there was the UFO news, I said it's fake it's fake. Anyway we decided to go there after entering through the desert and forest, We were taken to a school building with stairs and strated by going upstairs in a queue and then putting our bags in locker. After going there was a very tall woman who was the head of the facility, let's say her name is 'Jen' who was taking us somewhere, but quickly we found out that the entire place is some sort of research facility - people were tortured, animals were tortured and mutants were created. We got very scared, and got hold off some laser guns. (that ran on battery, they didn't had enough power). So we took Jen and saw that in the main area of facility - kids and their parents are playing a sport event and we were not allowed to go in there. It was like a simulation, they were too deep in it to see what's going on. We saw one zombie like creature crawling I used the gun to hit him a few times and he died. It felt good. I put the gun to jen and moved ahead. It was a white alley, and we could see the parents and kids on the other side of the door. The left side of the alley was the research facility, it was mostly empty but big. She told me that they change the race by making them go through race transformation, but the problem is that it's so difficult that not many people survive that. We tried to burn some part of her with the gun and she kept begging that it doesn't have enough laser battery. I thought it was logical so I stopped. We took another stair and went up to see that there are small dirty rooms with no light and 4 chains in it. That was the place for experiment. We saw that some rooms were open, in one of the rooms there was a dead guy, tangled in the chains and 20 ft up in the air. It looked very scary and eerie. By that time we had a ghost following us too. (upon Jens request) But we still put her in the room and plugged the transform race button but we forgot to put on the chain because we were so worried and hurrdily closed the iron door. She seemed unfazed and was laughing. I thought she would come back with more superhuman powers and we'll die. Then we put her in and started looking for exits, the woman next to me said that she has to meet someone in the school and I said are you crazy focus on the mission to get out. Then the spirit started chasing us and we ended up near a river which was just next to the stairs that we took to go to the main experiment room. We could still see that dead guy chained up and dead, and Jens room was closed. We had our guns with us and we could sense the ghost. We saw in our mind or dream that it was a woman's ghost, with long hair and shabby clothes. She must be one of the subjects of the experiment here who died and then turned into a ghost. She tried to capture us in the water and I was convinced that I am dead now. Then suddenly we heard that old man with me started playing live TV on mobile and I understood immediately what was happening. He blew the cover of the facility online and military was about to come The TV still looked like it's from the 1980s Suddenly, the ghost disappeared and I could hear on love TV that everyone is shocked about the discovery of strange creatures and experiments Then we saw hordes of police and other people coming in, tourists coming in as well. We felt a sense of relief. We also saw some Indian women in saree who came to do prayer (puja) in the river. All while Jen's room was locked up and the other room with the dead guy was open. Then the river turned into beer, as soon as the beer ad was coming on TV. We stayed inside the river bank for sometime We went back, got rescued, but I still had my bag in the locker. So I went back again, and asked the old woman with me where is it, somehow she knew. I found it and then we were going back through the forest on a motor boat and we saw a UFO and everyone in the news said "UFO sighting" but I was sure it wasn't a real one. Then we all came back home to tell the tale. At the end, like it happens in movie credits, there was a file given to me and I wrote "Subject Name: My Name" Used in: Room 880, Room 001 880 was the initial room they kept me and 001 was the superhuman transformation one.
submitted by AnkurTri27 to aliens [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:55 Former_Band2213 A suicidal jerk

First, for context; I was raised in a household where I would get either physically or mentally beaten if I did something wrong. For example, if I were to talk back to my mother she would mentally hurt me, which is why I have a low ego and constant suicidal thoughts. Now I'm an even worse person who gets mad every time someone comes into my room.
My mom believes that I am an asshole and I do too. I also get mad when anyone touches me without permission, causing me to flinch back and make them either worried or upset. I have lashed out at my own mother for touching me multiple times without permission and she tends to insult me when I do so.
I do have feelings, I'm not some emotionless person who doesn't care about anyone at all, (Not that people who hide their emotions are all like that) but I like to keep my bad emotions hidden since I used to get bullied for being the crybaby. My bad emotions are saved until I'm at home and reading, that's when I let all my bad emotions out. Nobody cares about how I'm doing (if I'm feeling bad), and I enjoy that lack of attention; which is why I like keeping my emotions hidden.
I found a quote that perfectly describes how I am in public: Chin up, Princess, or the crown slips. I'm not sure where it comes from, or who said it, but in my mind I'm always saying to myself Don't show your emotions, or you'll face bullying again. I hate myself for this, but I feel I should get over it.
Anyways, enough backstory, I just accidentally hurt my dog because I was mad, but gave her some treats right after because I felt bad. I feel like an asshole because I feel like I mentally hurt everyone around me. I don't deserve anyone who's nice to me because I just put on a mask so I can keep friends. I'm the definition of a faker and I don't get why I'm still alive if I just hurt everyone around me. I take everyone for granted and if they get mad at me my mask just slips off. The only negative emotion I show in public is anger and even when I do show my anger I just get backlash anyways so I always try to apologise either the next day or in the next 2 hours. Sorry to anyone who's actually taking time out of their day to read this, I know it's long. I've been forgotten by my father, who left when I was born; He doesn't even have partial custody and he forgot that I exist, leading him to forget my birthday last year. I'm basically the opposite of a narcissist, (for anyone reading this who doesn't know what a narcissist is: it's someone who has too high of an ego) meaning I hate everything about me, from my mind to my body to my personality to my life. I have thoughts of death every day and I know most people want long happy lives, but I don't.
I kind of just feel the want to get on a private jet as the pilot and purposely crash the plane.
I do self harm, but not cutting, I'll get into that later. I already have the tools to hurt myself. I sometimes pick at my body while finding everything that people hate about me, even if they don't say it. I honestly am a brat, and my mom is so helpful at cheering me up. Lies. She is awesome at making me feel better about myself. Lies. My dad is always there for me. Lies. My life is absolutely awesome. More lies. I honestly hate everything about me, like I already said. I feel like everyone I love is so happy and has a great life, other than this one friends of mine who is going through the same thing as me. We both seemed to have started getting suicidal thoughts for the same reasons. Our grandparents hate us (In my case grandparent) and they treat us like dog shit as if we're not human. We also started having these thoughts at the beginning of our fourth grade year (In which we were in the same class.) The only two things keeping me alive right now is that I'm a fucking pussy who can't act on her thoughts, and that I have things to research that I wish I had. A recent example was a study of skin cancer. I believe I have a disorder called Body Dysmorphia, meaning I see my body as a very disoriented version of it. People say I'm skinny but when I look in a mirror I see something different. I enjoy starving myself, which is one of the only types of self harm I do; The other type of self harm consists of picking at my skin with any objects that will pinch, basically I would use a crabs claw if I got that desperate to feel pain. Pain brings me joy for some reason. I'm not talented, I'm only skilled. I have nothing special to keep me going and I'm a financial burden on my already struggling mother. Sometimes I just think of killing myself but then I think about why my mom would think. All of her friends either forget about her, abandon her, or die.
I can't talk to my mom about anything, because she's not reliable with emotions. What I can rely on her to do is feed my want for my life to end quickly.
submitted by Former_Band2213 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:54 ForeverBlue101_303 Network sabotage?

Hey folks.
As we all know in that one of the most painful things about working on a TV show, especially an animated one is how it has a good following and critically acclaimed and yet gets canceled.
Of course, there are many factors as to why like low rating and incompetence by the network but many fans of these shows often believe that the networks are sabotaging the shows for their benefit or as part of an agenda.
Case in point, what happened with The Owl House and The Ghost and Molly McGee as these shows ended getting canceled for "not fitting with the channel brand" and low ratings respectively they are often seen as not good enough reasons for the fans and they do believe that the networks messed this shows up on purpose, probably out of dislike or even because of LGBTQ content, which for the Owl House, the fans are still believing is what canceled The Owl House to this day, despite Dana insisting that it really wasn't true.
Another example is of the beloved Infinity Train which was mishandled by Cartoon Network and then got canceled for having a an adult protagonist and saying the show "needs a child entry point" and made worse when David Zaslav's top brass when they acquired Warner Bros. deleted the show from HBO Max and kept deleting the show from existence on many platforms and because of that, many believe that CN and Warner Bros Discovery sabotaged the show to make sure it never stood a chance.
With that, as professionals, what is your perspective on this idea fans think that networks like to sabotage their shows?
Any basis of truth or foil hat conspiracy nonsense?
submitted by ForeverBlue101_303 to animationcareer [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:52 OkZookeepergame6754 Cozy fantasy based on a mythical creatures farm ideas

I have the whole plot outlined, but I need ideas for mythical creatures that might live on a farm (modern setting). Also how to make those animals feel like an organic part of the storyline and not something forced
submitted by OkZookeepergame6754 to fantasywriters [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:51 Dark_Star_6 Enjoy your “dog mom” era, because it won’t last.

I’m curious, how much research have you done specifically on doodles? Do you know that they are a working dog “breed?” They’re not dogs for tiny ass apartments & people who lay in bed all day & make their husbands do everything plus a full-time job. That dog is gonna get frustrated real quick because it can’t do what it’s born to do. You have something seriously twisted in your head if you think humanizing a pet makes you a mother. Let it piss off whoever, I don’t care. A dog is not your surrogate infant, it’s a loyal companion. It doesn’t wanna be your “baby” that you can play dress up with & treat like a baby. Ffs we all know you know Drue makes money off her pregnancy & dogs & seeming that you can’t get pregnant, exploiting a dog for increased engagement on your page is just what you’ll do. That’s all you want it for. It could’ve literally been any other breed but my, what a coincidence it’s similar to Drue! You have no life. Are you that desperate for friends? You just copy & do everything everyone else does because you have zero personality. You’re so fake. I hope that dog hates you. I hope humane society takes her away. You are not a person who has any business having a child or an animal. You’re greatly mentally disturbed. I wouldn’t trust you around either of them. It’s is enraging how much you lie & scam just to get your way. Just remember karma’s a bitch.
submitted by Dark_Star_6 to KyleaGomezsnark [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:49 Aggravating-Sand6320 I’m an overly Philosophical Femboy

Hi everyone I have a fun/interesting case and this is my first time posting. I’m open to DMs if anyone wants to chat further about the following topics but first I’d like just a little clarity 😅
I’m a straight 20-year-old male struggling with a complex mix of mental health issues, and I'm looking for advice or shared experiences. I suffer from depression, existential OCD, and Bipolar disorder, which causes me to swing between intense existential realizations and deep, hopeless depression. I also have (important) autogynephilia and am a part-time cross-dresser. I started cross-dressing in secret as a child, feeling immense guilt due to my religious upbringing. The difficult part about it was not that I didn’t look good enough, it was that I looked way better dressed as a female and even my irl and online friends would agree. I have a small waist, large hips, soft skin and just preform better as a submissive during intimate sessions. Why would God make me such a passable feminine body along with autogynephilia (the sexual attraction to oneself thought as a woman aka trap, femboy, cross dresser, trans or whatever you want to call it.) Fortunately, I have a loving girlfriend who not only accepts but enjoys and supports this aspect of me. Despite this, the religious guilt is overwhelming, especially because I grew up in a strict religious environment.
I'm constantly plagued by thoughts and dread about the afterlife, God, and the universe. I often feel that the rapture is imminent and am troubled by the idea of a cruel God. This consumes my mind daily. Recently, I’ve had panic and anxiety attacks about going to hell and the impossibility of being good enough to enter heaven. I feel destined for hell, and every action is scrutinized through the lens of my fear of eternal damnation. It’s making my life miserable. These thoughts and feelings have been with me for as long as I can remember.
These issues deeply affect my relationship with my girlfriend. I go through phases where I fully embrace cross-dressing, and we have a lot of fun together, but then I swing to the opposite extreme, throwing away all our toys in fear of eternal punishment. My research into Near-Death Experiences (NDEs) has only added to my confusion, as everyone seems to have different experiences, making life feel like a cruel game.
It doesn't help that people find my brain extremely interesting and believe I’m destined for so much more, given my talents as a closeted femboy. This has driven me to search for truth beyond religion and philosophy. I’ve attempted exposure therapy, but it's hard to apply it to these deep existential concerns. I've seen two therapists who found my case too interesting or entertaining to be genuinely helpful. I even tried talking to a priest about my issues, but he ended up trying to take advantage of me, leading to my girlfriend and I leaving that town. Ultimately, I want to achieve a mindset where I’m not in constant cognitive dissonance and can live without the fear of eternal torment for being the way God made me.
Has anyone else dealt with similar issues or found effective ways to cope with such profound existential and religious anxiety?
For example, why would God give me 1. A passable feminine body 2. Autogynophelia to match the body 3. A perfect GF that loves me for who I am then send me to hell because of it?
Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
submitted by Aggravating-Sand6320 to self [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:45 The_Brand94 RIGL Thesis 5/18/2024

~RIGL Thesis – 5/18/2024~
Outstanding Shares 175M
131 Institutional Holders
111,129,461 Total Shares Held
63.36% Institutional Ownership
Total Cash on Hand 3/31/2024 = $49.6M
Total Debt: $101.5M
Cash Burn Approximate = $8M per quarter (6 quarters of cash without any increases in revenue)
Q12023 REV = $26M
Q22023 REV = $26.8M
Q32023 REV = $28.1M
Q42023 REV = $35.8M
Q12024 REV = $29.5M (Decline from Q4 likely from end of year versus new-year tracking of Rx and shipments of drugs, resetting of Copays)
Most Recent EPS -$0.05 per share
May 22, 2024 - Vote on S will take place, caution
~Statistics Applicable To Thesis~
333.3 million US Population (2022)
8,109,679,892 Global Population (2024)
~Drugs On Market~
~Tavalisse – Treatment for ITP, FDA Approved April 17, 2018~
~What is ITP?~
Immune thrombocytopenia (ITP) is an illness that can lead to bruising and bleeding. Low levels of the cells that help blood clot, also known as platelets, most often cause the bleeding.
Once known as idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura, ITP can cause purple bruises. It also can cause tiny reddish-purple dots on the skin that look like a rash.
Children can get ITP after a virus. They most often get better without treatment. In adults, the illness often lasts months or years. People with ITP who aren't bleeding and whose platelet count isn't too low might not need treatment. For worse symptoms, treatment might include medicines to raise platelet count or surgery to remove the spleen. Immune thrombocytopenia (ITP) - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic
~What is Tavalisse?~
TAVALISSE is a prescription medication used to treat adults with low platelet counts due to chronic immune thrombocytopenia (ITP) when a prior treatment for ITP has not worked well enough. It is not known if TAVALISSE is safe and effective in children.
The cost for Tavalisse oral tablet 100 mg is around $15,404 for a supply of 60 tablets, depending on the pharmacy you visit. Quoted prices are for cash-paying customers and are not valid with insurance plans. This price guide is based on using the Drugs.com discount card which is accepted at most U.S. pharmacies.
Tavalisse Prices, Coupons, Copay & Patient Assistance - Drugs.com
TAVALISSE IS AN ORAL MEDICATION TAKEN TWICE DAILY WITH OR WITHOUT FOOD1
A 12-week evaluation period is recommended
60 tablets = 1 month supply, evaluation period = 3 months, Cost for 3 months = $46,212 Cash, assuming cheaper through wholesale, insurance, discount cards, etc.
Dosing TAVALISSE® (fostamatinib disodium hexahydrate) tablets (tavalissehcp.com)
~Addressable Market~
“Our findings suggest that nearly 20,000 children and adults are newly diagnosed with ITP each year in the US, substantially higher than previously reported. Among patients requiring formal medical care, the economic burden during the first 12 months following diagnosis is high, with estimated US expenditures totaling over $400 million.”
Primary immune thrombocytopenia in US clinical practice: incidence and healthcare burden in first 12 months following diagnosis - PubMed (nih.gov)
The estimated prevalence of ITP in the United States is 9.5 per 100,000 people, with a global prevalence of over 200,000 people at any given time [1].
Immune thrombocytopenia. [ Oct; 2022 ]. 2022. https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/immune-thrombocytopenia
~Author Calculations/Estimates~
ITP estimated cases based on measured statistics 31,635 cases a year in the US and 770,355 cases globally each year.
~Rezlidhia – R Acute Myeloid Leukemia, FDA Approved December, 22, 2022~
~What is Relapsed or Refractory Acute Myeloid Leukemia?~
Relapsed, or recurrent, acute myeloid leukemia (AML) means the leukemia has come back after treatment and remission.
Refractory AML means the leukemia did not respond to treatment. Complete remission has not been reached because the chemotherapy drugs did not kill enough leukemia cells.
Both relapsed and refractory AML need more treatment to reach complete remission.
Your healthcare team will suggest treatments based on your needs and work with you to develop a treatment plan. Some factors considered for your treatment include:
your age
your health
how long the leukemia was in remission
treatments you had before
where the leukemia comes back
Treatment options usually include chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant if possible. Targeted therapy may also be used.
Treatments for relapsed or refractory acute myeloid leukemia Canadian Cancer Society
~What is IDH1?~
Somatic mutations in isocitrate dehydrogenase (IDH) genes occur frequently in adult Acute myeloid leukemia (AML) and less commonly in pediatric AML… Enhanced genomic and epigenomic profiling of acute myeloid leukemia (AML) has led to identification of recurrent mutations that are prognostic and are candidates for targeted therapy. Somatic mutations in isocitrate dehydrogenase (IDH) genes, IDH1 and IDH2, occur in ∼6% to 16% and ∼8% to 19% of adult patients with AML, respectively.1-5 In pediatric AML, IDH mutations are rare, occurring in <4% of patients.6-11
Characteristics and prognostic impact of IDH mutations in AML: a COG, SWOG, and ECOG analysis Blood Advances American Society of Hematology (ashpublications.org)
~What is Rezlidhia?~
REZLIDHIA is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with acute myeloid leukemia (AML) with an isocitrate dehydrogenase-1 (IDH1) mutation when the disease has come back or has not improved after previous treatment(s).
Targeted Treatment REZLIDHIA® (olutasidenib) capsules
The cost for Rezlidhia oral capsule 150 mg is around $17,468 for a supply of 30 capsules, depending on the pharmacy you visit. Quoted prices are for cash-paying customers and are not valid with insurance plans. This price guide is based on using the Drugs.com discount card which is accepted at most U.S. pharmacies.
Rezlidhia Prices, Coupons, Copay & Patient Assistance - Drugs.com%20is%20a%20member,on%20the%20pharmacy%20you%20visit.)
~Addressable Market~
The annual incidence of new cases in both men and women is approximately 4.3 per 100,000 population, totaling over 20,000 cases per year in the United States alone.[13] The median age at the time of diagnosis is about 68, with a higher prevalence observed among non-Hispanic Whites. Furthermore, males exhibit a higher incidence compared to females, with a ratio of 5:3.
Acute Myeloid Leukemia - StatPearls - NCBI Bookshelf (nih.gov)
~Author Calculations/Estimates~
Cases of AML with IDH1 would be 11% based on the median of statistics above (6% to 16%) leaving approximately 1500 to 2000 cases a year in the US. Appling the same calculations to world population would amount to approximately 38,500 cases a year globally.
~Gavreto – Treats RET+ Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer In Adults and RET+ Thyroid Cancer in Kids and Adults, FDA Approved August 9, 2023~
For the sake of common ground, I am going to assume these types of cancers do not need to be elaborated on as we all likely have a basic understanding of what they are. The medical conditions treated by Tavalisse and Rezlidhia I felt needed a more in-depth explanation because they are not common. I will elaborate on RET+ a little later in this writing.
~What is Gavreto?~
GAVRETO is an oral once daily prescription medicine used to treat certain cancers caused by abnormal rearranged during transfection ~(RET+)~ genes in:
Adults with non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC) that has spread
Adults and children 12 years of age and older with advanced thyroid cancer or thyroid cancer that has spread who require a medicine by mouth or injection (systemic therapy) and who have received radioactive iodine and it did not work or is no longer working*
It is not known if GAVRETO is safe and effective when used to treat cancers caused by abnormal RET genes in children for the treatment of NSCLC or in children younger than 12 years of age for the treatment of thyroid cancer.
Home GAVRETO® (pralsetinib)
The cost for Gavreto oral capsule 100 mg is around $11,745 for a supply of 60 capsules, depending on the pharmacy you visit. Quoted prices are for cash-paying customers and are not valid with insurance plans. This price guide is based on using the Drugs.com discount card which is accepted at most U.S. pharmacies.
The recommended dosage for adults and children 12 and over is 400mg orally once daily. Each capsule is 100mg, which means you will take 4 capsules. Gavreto should be taken on an empty stomach, at least 1 hour before or 2 hours after a meal.
Gavreto Prices, Coupons, Copay & Patient Assistance - Drugs.com
~What is Rearranged During Transfection Positive (RET+)?~
RET-positive cancer is caused by a mutation or abnormal re-arrangement of the RET gene. It occurs most commonly in lung cancer and several types of inherited and sporadic thyroid cancers. RET alterations also occur in an estimated 1-2% of multiple other cancers, including ovarian, pancreatic, salivary, breast, and colorectal cancers.
RETpositive Empowering Patients and Driving Research
Rearranged during transfection (RET) rearrangements were first identified as oncogenic drivers in NSCLC in 2012. The proportion of patients with NSCLC who have RET rearrangements (ie, fusion-positive disease) is approximately 1%-2%.
RET Fusion-Positive Non-small Cell Lung Cancer: The Evolving Treatment Landscape The Oncologist Oxford Academic (oup.com)
RET alterations occur most commonly in lung cancer (non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC)) and the number of new cases diagnosed each year is considerable, accounting for approximately 37,500 [IG1] cases worldwide and 4,000 cases in the US (2% of NSCLC) (2,3). RET alterations are also common in several types of inherited and sporadic thyroid cancers and can occur in other types of cancers like ovarian, breast, pancreatic, and colorectal cancers, among others (4-8) adding >110,000 cases yearly worldwide (9).
What is RET Positive Lung Cancer? - The Happy Lungs Project
(2) Although medullary thyroid carcinoma represents 5-10% of all thyroid cancers, activating RET gene abnormalities occur in over 90% of hereditary and approximately 40%-60% of sporadic medullary thyroid carcinoma cases.
Patients – RETpositive%20Although%20medullary%20thyroid%20carcinoma,sporadic%20medullary%20thyroid%20carcinoma%20cases.)
~Prevalence of Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer~
Most lung cancer statistics include both small cell lung cancer (SCLC) and non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC). In general, about 10% to 15% of all lung cancers are SCLC, and about 80% to 85% are NSCLC.
Lung cancer (both small cell and non-small cell) is the second most common cancer in both men and women in the United States (not counting skin cancer). In men, prostate cancer is more common, while breast cancer is more common in women.
The American Cancer Society’s estimates for lung cancer in the US for 2024 are:
About 234,580 new cases of lung cancer (116,310 in men and 118,270 in women)
About 125,070 deaths from lung cancer (65,790 in men and 59,280 in women)
Lung Cancer Statistics How Common is Lung Cancer? American Cancer Society
Worldwide, an estimated 2,206,771 people were diagnosed with lung cancer in 2020. These statistics include both small cell lung cancer and NSCLC.
Lung Cancer - Non-Small Cell: Statistics Cancer.Net
~Author Calculations/Estimates~
Approximately 187,664 cases of NSCLC in the US based on an 80% factor.
Approximately 1,765,416 cases of NSCLC worldwide based on an 80% factor.
~Prevalence of Thyroid Cancer~
Rate of New Cases and Deaths per 100,000: The rate of new cases of thyroid cancer was 13.5 per 100,000 men and women per year. The death rate was 0.5 per 100,000 men and women per year. These rates are age-adjusted and based on 2017–2021 cases and 2018–2022 deaths.
Lifetime Risk of Developing Cancer: Approximately 1.2 percent of men and women will be diagnosed with thyroid cancer at some point during their lifetime, based on 2017–2019 data. Lifetime risk based on data through 2022 will available soon.
Prevalence of This Cancer: In 2021, there were an estimated 979,295 people living with thyroid cancer in the United States.
Thyroid Cancer — Cancer Stat Facts
About 44,020 new cases of thyroid cancer (12,500 in men and 31,520 in women)
About 2,170 deaths from thyroid cancer (990 in men and 1,180 in women)
Thyroid cancer is often diagnosed at a younger age than most other adult cancers. The average age when a person is diagnosed with thyroid cancer is 51.
This cancer is about 3 times more common in women than in men. It is about 40% to 50% less common in Black people than in any other racial or ethnic group.
Key Statistics for Thyroid Cancer American Cancer Society)
Addressable Market
Given Gavreto’s dual treatment capacity, the total amount of potential patients with NSCLC with RET+ indications would be approximately 2,800 cases in the US and approximately 26,500 cases worldwide each year using a factor of 1.5% of total NSCLC cases. The total amount of treatable cases for Thyroid Cancer would be approximately 650 in the US and 16,500 cases worldwide respectively each year applying the same 1.5% RET+ percentage rate. DOUBLE CHECK MATH…
~Rigel Pharmaceuticals Pipeline~
~IRAK/4 – Clinical Trials~
Rigel’s investigational candidate, R289, is an oral, potent and selective inhibitor of interleukin receptor-associated kinases 1 and 4 (IRAK1/4).
Toll like receptors (TLRs) and the interleukin 1 receptor family (IL-1Rs) play a critical role in the innate immune response and dysregulation of these pathways can lead to a variety of inflammatory conditions such as psoriasis, rheumatoid arthritis, and inflammatory bowel disease. Chronic stimulation of both receptor systems has also been implicated in causing a pro-inflammatory bone marrow environment leading to persistent cytopenias in lower-risk myelodysplastic syndrome (LR-MDS) patients1.
R835 is a selective dual inhibitor of IRAK1/4 that blocks TLR4 and IL-1R-dependent systemic cytokine release. In preclinical studies, R835 demonstrated activity in multiple animal models of inflammatory disease2,3 and showed that dual inhibition of IRAK1 and IRAK4 provided more complete suppression of inflammatory cytokines when compared to an IRAK4-selective inhibitor4.
Development of R289:
In a Phase 1 clinical trial, R835 was well tolerated and inhibited LPS-induced inflammatory cytokine production in healthy volunteers, demonstrating proof-of-mechanism.5 Phase 1 clinical studies of R289 (an oral prodrug that is rapidly converted to R835 in the gut) are also complete.
A Phase 1b open-label, multicenter trial of R289 in patients with relapsed/refractory lower-risk MDS is currently enrolling (NCT05308264). The primary endpoint for this trial is safety with key secondary endpoints including preliminary efficacy and evaluation of pharmacokinetic properties.
~Bemcentinib – Bergenbio Partnership~
In June 2011, Rigel entered into an exclusive, worldwide research, development and commercialization agreement with BerGenBio for its investigational AXL receptor tyrosine kinase (AXL) inhibitor, R428 (now referred to as bemcentinib).
Bemcentinib is a potent, selective and orally bioavailable AXL inhibitor and the furthest along in clinical trials. In preclinical studies, bemcentinib was shown to have an effect as a single agent therapeutic in the prevention and reversal of acquired resistance to standard of care cytotoxics and targeted therapies and may also slow or prevent tumor metastasis.
Rigel received an upfront payment and is eligible for milestone payments and potential sublicensing revenue, as well as tiered royalty payments on any future net sales of products emerging from the collaboration.
~R552 Systemic – Eli Lilly Partnership~
Rigel’s investigational candidates are oral, potent and selective inhibitors of receptor-interacting serine/threonine-protein kinase 1 (RIPK1).
RIPK1 is a critical signaling protein implicated in a broad range of key inflammatory cellular processes including necroptosis, a type of regulated cell death, and cytokine production. In necroptosis, cells rupture leading to the dispersion of cell contents, which can trigger an immune response and enhance inflammation. RIPK1 inhibition has therapeutic potential in treating autoimmune, inflammatory, and neurodegenerative disorders.
Rigel’s RIPK1 inhibitor program includes R552, a systemic molecule being developed for the treatment of autoimmune and inflammatory disorders, and brain penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors for central nervous system (CNS) diseases. In preclinical studies, R552 demonstrated prevention of joint and skin inflammation in a RIPK1-mediated murine model of inflammation and tissue damage.
Development of R552:
In Q2 2023, the initial Phase 2a trial (NCT05848258) in moderately to severely active rheumatoid arthritis (RA) was initiated by partner Eli Lilly.
Development CNS-penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors:
Currently in preclinical studies.
~Milademetan – Daiichi Sankyo Partnership~
Rigel has a long-standing collaboration with Daiichi-Sankyo for developing murine double minute 2 (MDM2) protein inhibitors in cancer, which were discovered in Rigel’s laboratories.
Preliminary safety and efficacy data from an early Phase 1 study of milademetan (formerly DS-3032), an oral selective MDM2 inhibitor, in hematological malignancies suggests that it may be a promising potential treatment for oncology indications.
Rigel received an upfront payment and is eligible for milestone payments, as well as tiered royalty payments on any future net sales of any products emerging from the collaboration.
~Rxxx (CNS Penetrant) – Eli Lilly Partnership~
Rigel’s investigational candidates are oral, potent and selective inhibitors of receptor-interacting serine/threonine-protein kinase 1 (RIPK1).
RIPK1 is a critical signaling protein implicated in a broad range of key inflammatory cellular processes including necroptosis, a type of regulated cell death, and cytokine production. In necroptosis, cells rupture leading to the dispersion of cell contents, which can trigger an immune response and enhance inflammation. RIPK1 inhibition has therapeutic potential in treating autoimmune, inflammatory, and neurodegenerative disorders.
Rigel’s RIPK1 inhibitor program includes R552, a systemic molecule being developed for the treatment of autoimmune and inflammatory disorders, and brain penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors for central nervous system (CNS) diseases. In preclinical studies, R552 demonstrated prevention of joint and skin inflammation in a RIPK1-mediated murine model of inflammation and tissue damage.
Development of R552:
In Q2 2023, the initial Phase 2a trial (NCT05848258) in moderately to severely active rheumatoid arthritis (RA) was initiated by partner Eli Lilly.
Development CNS-penetrating RIPK1 inhibitors:
Currently in preclinical studies. Pipeline :: Rigel Pharmaceuticals, Inc. (RIGL)
~Summary and Prediction~
The current share price of sub $1 does not feel justified. I would anticipate financial breakeven by the end of 2024 or potentially in Q1 or Q2 of 2025. The robust pipeline, progress, and expected revenue growth are enough to justify a much higher valuation. The debt load is manageable, but the potential for S is concerning. I believe that the S is not necessary and revenue growth and progress should speak for itself. I am not as bullish as the analysts at HC Wainright for a $15 PT, but the valuation should be at least 3x to 5x from the current value. This thesis does not highlight the patents surrounding their drugs either which some extend into 2035 and beyond. Perhaps what Wall Street is discounting is the fact that most of the drugs are very niche. However, the currently available drugs have an addressable market, albeit less universal than some, but you should value it in the sense of multiple facets (a 1000 headed snake is the phrase I wanted to use). I believe the company should be valued with specialty drugs in mind which would command a higher PE ratio. At the current day and time of writing, the value should be at least $1.50 to $1.75 ~at a minimum~ with a 12 month price target of $3 to $5+. I will be looking for continued revenue growth in each quarter this year and realization of revenue from Gavreto in Q2 or Q3 this year. The partnerships should not be discounted either and the current share price if it lingers here perhaps may attract a merger or acquisition. I initially began the research thinking that perhaps the drugs were too niche, but given the multiple drugs they are working with, I believe their revenue sources will continue to grow if you do not focus on one particular drug as the main performer. With the most recent inflation report being cooler than expected, I would suspect larger funds and institutions will be circling back to riskier assets.
submitted by The_Brand94 to u/The_Brand94 [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:39 Basic_Fix_4868 Sometimes sex on screen is uncomfortable, sometimes it isn't.

The title is long and self explanatory, but I still want to talk properly about it.
I watch TV shows, Anime etc. and sometimes some sex scenes make my skin crawl, sometimes they don't.
For example Heaven Official Blessing have a not graphic but visible sex scene between the straight "couple" and even if nothing is seen (only the shadow of them doing it) I felt so uncomfortable and wished for the scene to be gone forever from the show.
Same goes for Shameless where the amount of sex regardless of gender just makes me want to disappear. Never watched it but stumbled upon my younger brother (also an adult) watching it and sometimes sex scenes would pop up and it was just so unbearable to watch.
Sometimes I watch other shows either with animated or real people that have sex scenes, sometimes surprisingly explicit and of every gender but I don't feel weirded out by it.
At first I thought it was because it's loveless sex between the characters and I find that disgusting but I've seen other characters who had loveless sex and it wasn't as disgusting as some of them.
I just can't tell why or what affects the sometimes hating on sex scenes and sometimes not.
For example I have no issues with the Titans sex scenes despite I do believe they are completely useless and bring nothing to the short worth caring for. Either way sex there doesn't make me as much uncomfortable as that single sex scene in Heaven Official Blessing between the straight side couple and I don't even see anything, just the shadow of it.
submitted by Basic_Fix_4868 to asexuality [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:39 SimRacingStudy Results of my Sim Racing Study!

Hello simRacing. A while back, I asked for volunteers to participate in my study about how a delta timer on screen will affect lap times. I would like to extend the most sincere thank you possible to the following individuals for volunteering their time to assist: u/CHOCO4L, u/Not___Jake, u/InternationalPen1506, u/Independent_Mall_327, u/GerkoBoy, and u/Gavnixs. I would also like to thank the other 8 volunteers who did not provide a reddit username. When initially asking for volunteers, I offered the opportunity to win a $20 git card of the participants choice. After a random drawing of all participants who provided either a reddit username or an email address to contact, u/Not___Jake is the winner. If you are reading this, I have contacted you via DM and email, please respond so I can provide the gift card. I would like to stress that all of these participants should be celebrated as volunteers in a study that is now pursuing publication. For those of you curious, here is the data I gathered in the study: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1WbIwCklQ0IIzpneUUt6iGvS6ggJUErMGgYRM8rVmSZA/edit?usp=sharing Again, thank you so very much to all volunteers who partook in this study. It means the world that people from this community volunteered their time to help a research paper be written.
submitted by SimRacingStudy to simracing [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:38 Careful-Librarian145 [Hire Me] Have your academic writing needs taken care of remarkably by a top tutor. Hire me for your online classes, dissertations, research papers, blog entries, admission essays, Lab reports, exams and quizzes.

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submitted by Careful-Librarian145 to jobbit [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:38 Rosalaxia Why do people genuinely think cats are clean

I have seen this misinformation everywhere and I genuinely don't get from where did it come from even tho cats aren't the dirtiest animals alive that doesn't make them clean at all they are dirty and they stink and lick crap off themselves it was just a lie that spread and everyone decided to believe it just because it was to thier liking and they were too afraid to do much research to see if that was true or not I hate this myth cause its so stupid and overreached and people use it in arguments to prove that cats are amazing creatures and glaze the hell out of them I have no problem with you trying to prove why a certain animal specie is great or special to you but for God's sake give me actual information that makes sense not some "cats have more hygiene than an average human being ☝🤓" Google shouldn't be considered a trusted source ever
submitted by Rosalaxia to catfree [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:37 ppBizon16 Can i marry my girlfriend?

[redacted] my question is; can a muslim male marry a nonmuslim if she says she believes in the idea of God? she thinks that religions are silly and by religions she mainly means her (old/family's) religion: catholic and other religions. She thinks there are too many coincidences for Islam to not have some truth in it. she's busy with Uni and important earthly matters so she says that she'll research Islam when things have settled a bit. I'm the male and we're moving in together next year. i want God to guide us and allow us to marry. I'd like to be much more cultured on my religion and to lead by example of myself. i want to be helpful for any of her questions and inspire her about learning the truth by being what a muslim male should be. A decent, faithful (in God SWT) and strong man. we're not married because her parents are in their country my parents are in another country and we live in a completely different country. both our parents know about the "relationship" and my Mom urged me to pray istikhara and see about marrying her as soon as i can. we're still supposed to graduate and she's going to finish before me and she wants to support me so i can work less and study more. do any of you know of any "similiar" stories from the oldtimes? a hadith speaking about a "similiar" situation would be perfect. I know what the automated response is. But guys. i love her so much she is basically a perfect muslim. she doesn't drink. doesn't party. she's had a few relationships before me but she's low-key regretful. she's so good to Animals. she supports Palestine and finds it absurd that people think Israel is like legitimate and stuff. My main thing is that I've asked God privately so much about if me and her can be together and i always have a warm AND cool feeling as i almost automatically take a nice deep breath; a sense of relief instantly strikes me. every. single. time. this is after I've privately asked God if he can be my witness to marrying her, and even if i know of nothing blatantly stating that this was a thing, i kind of feel like it was or became a thing for me when i asked??? and this was back in the beginning of our relationship where we had not had sex for the first year. for context we live in Europe but it's almost irrelevant given that we're basically talking about universal law here. yeah idk
submitted by ppBizon16 to Muslim [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:36 Aggravating-Sand6320 Interesting Femboy Case

Hi everyone I have a fun/interesting case and this is my first time posting. I’m open to DMs if anyone wants to chat further about the following topics but first I’d like just a little clarity 😅
I’m a straight 20-year-old male struggling with a complex mix of mental health issues, and I'm looking for advice or shared experiences. I suffer from depression, existential OCD, and Bipolar disorder, which causes me to swing between intense existential realizations and deep, hopeless depression. I also have (important) autogynephilia and am a part-time cross-dresser. I started cross-dressing in secret as a child, feeling immense guilt due to my religious upbringing. The difficult part about it was not that I didn’t look good enough, it was that I looked way better dressed as a female and even my irl and online friends would agree. I have a small waist, large hips, soft skin and just preform better as a submissive during intimate sessions. Why would God make me such a passable feminine body along with autogynephilia (the sexual attraction to oneself thought as a woman aka trap, femboy, cross dresser, trans or whatever you want to call it.) Fortunately, I have a loving girlfriend who not only accepts but enjoys and supports this aspect of me. Despite this, the religious guilt is overwhelming, especially because I grew up in a strict religious environment.
I'm constantly plagued by thoughts and dread about the afterlife, God, and the universe. I often feel that the rapture is imminent and am troubled by the idea of a cruel God. This consumes my mind daily. Recently, I’ve had panic and anxiety attacks about going to hell and the impossibility of being good enough to enter heaven. I feel destined for hell, and every action is scrutinized through the lens of my fear of eternal damnation. It’s making my life miserable. These thoughts and feelings have been with me for as long as I can remember.
These issues deeply affect my relationship with my girlfriend. I go through phases where I fully embrace cross-dressing, and we have a lot of fun together, but then I swing to the opposite extreme, throwing away all our toys in fear of eternal punishment. My research into Near-Death Experiences (NDEs) has only added to my confusion, as everyone seems to have different experiences, making life feel like a cruel game.
It doesn't help that people find my brain extremely interesting and believe I’m destined for so much more, given my talents as a closeted femboy. This has driven me to search for truth beyond religion and philosophy. I’ve attempted exposure therapy, but it's hard to apply it to these deep existential concerns. I've seen two therapists who found my case too interesting or entertaining to be genuinely helpful. I even tried talking to a priest about my issues, but he ended up trying to take advantage of me, leading to my girlfriend and I leaving that town. Ultimately, I want to achieve a mindset where I’m not in constant cognitive dissonance and can live without the fear of eternal torment for being the way God made me.
Has anyone else dealt with similar issues or found effective ways to cope with such profound existential and religious anxiety?
For example, why would God give me 1. A passable feminine body 2. Autogynophelia to match the body 3. A perfect GF that loves me for who I am then send me to hell because of it?
Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
submitted by Aggravating-Sand6320 to mentalillness [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:34 Mylifeasaperson What fun things have you picked up from practicing coping skills for depression? For example, I’ve learned Japanese a little from watching anime and reading subtitles

submitted by Mylifeasaperson to depression_help [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:30 Trash_Tia When signing up for acting classes, never and mean NEVER audition for The S Class.

In hindsight, I should have known something was wrong with The Caeles Academy of Acting.
Maybe the fact that it doesn't exist to the outside world.
This place prided itself on famous alumni it didn't actually name, and a once in a lifetime opportunity to work with the best in the business.
It's what I wanted.
More than anything.
After enduring four years of high school with barely a semblance of a drama club (we met every month, and our teacher was an alcoholic), and countless failed auditions, I was ready to take my acting career seriously. I had one year.
According to my parents, I had one year to make a living from my passion.
If it didn't work out, I would be on the first plane back to Connecticut.
It's not like they didn't trust me. I think they were just scared I wouldn't be able to financially support myself. So, I got a job right out of high school and slipped a year. Drama schools are expensive, and college’s are cut-throat on who they take on. I found Caeles Academy by accident–or, I guess it found me?
After researching cheap drama classes, auditions, academy’s, literally anything to progress my career, an ad popped up.
Not exactly flashy.
Just a date, a time, and a promise that they only take the best. I ignored it, but throughout the week, I started getting more ads. Just the words, “IMPRESS US - - JOIN CAELES ACADEMY NOW.”
Followed by, “BE WITH THE BEST, AND BE THE BEST. JOIN THE S CLASS NOW.”
When I googled the academy, nothing came up.
I gave up, clicking on the ad, which sent me straight to an application form.
I filled in my details as more of a joke. But I wasn't expecting to get an email back. Again, it was a time, a date, and that exact same tagline: “Impress us.”
However, Caeles Academy was different from what I imagined.
I was expecting a university building, or at least some modern structure.
Judging from their marketing and ads, I figured they could at least afford decent premises. Though I was mistaken. When I stepped out of the Uber, I found myself staring at what looked like an abandoned office tower, a red-brick monolith in the middle of nowhere.
Which was crazy, because I swore a girl wearing a bikini had strode through the doors, with nothing but her phone, and a coffee tucked under her elbow.
According to the text sent from the academy, the auditioning rooms were on the third floor.
Tipping my head back, the checkerboard of broken windows didn't exactly instil confidence.
Neither did the clunky set of automatic doors that took a while to open.
It was a summer's day, and the heat was already baking through my dress, sweat sticky on the back of my neck.
I wanted to make a good impression, but the heels were a little over the top.
Though I had also seen a girl casually walk in wearing a two piece bikini.
“Well?”
Freddie’s voice made me jump. I forgot I was on the phone to him. I was excited the whole car-ride, already high on five coffees, and now I was silent.
If I perceived the ‘academy’ from an objective standpoint, it definitely looked like the perfect place to be brutally murdered. But my own personal opinion was it was.. okay.
“What's it like?”
I pretended not to see a rat scuttling under an old candy wrapper.
“It's… fine.”
“Just fine?”
I could hear the smirk in my friend’s tone. He couldn't wait to tell me it was a scam, and had been reminding me all week I was essentially willingly selling myself to the black market. I was stubborn, so, fine sounded better than my initial first impression.
Which was to turn around, walk away, and completely block the place from my memory.
Unfortunately, at that moment, I valued my pride over my awareness.
“It's… okay.” I said, trying to find positives. I was staring at a looming grey building with shattered windows and a resident rat living near the door. I had a hard time figuring out how the girl from earlier had just casually strode inside, barefoot too. I glanced down at the ground, immediately regretting it.
Like there weren't bits of chewing gum and grime stuck to the concrete.
“Huh.” Freddie said, his tone creeping into teasing territory. “You're really selling it.”
“It just looks like a building,” I muttered, my gaze glued to the rat, who looked a little too comfortable.
Maybe it was a pet.
I was getting progressively more infuriated the more I stared down this place. Judging from the decades old writing ingrained into the door, it used to be a dentist surgery. “What do you want me to say?” I wasn't even trying to hide the scorn from my voice. “It's a building that looks like an academy.”
“Can you send a picture?” Freddie asked, “Ooh, wait, I'll face-time you.”
“That's, uh, that’s not really necessary–”
I was cut off, suddenly, when a guy threw himself through the automatic doors, palms first. He took two stumbled steps forwards, one back, and lifted his head, half lidded eyes finding the sky, before dropping to his knees and heaving up pinkish liquid.
I could see him trying to hold it in, slamming his hands over his mouth, only for it to splurge through his fingers, showering the ground in greyish pink froth.
Like he'd downed a bottle of Pepto Bismol.
Inching towards him, I realized it was Pepto Bismol.
The stink made my own stomach churn.
“Missy?”
I found my voice. “Uh, can I call you back later?”
Before my friend could answer, I ended the call, slipping my phone in my pocket.
The guy was still heaving, coughing up globules of pink.
“Are you okay?”
The sound of my heels click-clacking on concrete made me cringe. The guy noticed, flinching away. Closer, and I could see his scraggly blonde hair.
He was handsome.
Without the bile spewing down his chin.
Early twenties, wearing a fitted white shirt now covered in streaks of bright pink. Part of me wanted to make a half-hearted joke, but getting even closer, so close I could smell his pepto-breath, I noticed he was trembling, his hands clenched into fists.
When I attempted to awkwardly pat him on the shoulder, he twisted around, so fast my morning coffee slithered its way back up my throat.
His eyes were wide, almost feral, studying me like a wild animal.
I noticed the whites of his pupils were red, like he'd burst a blood vessel.
Theatre kids were intense, though I had never met THIS kind of intense.
“Are you… going in there?” The guy’s voice was a child-like whimper I wasn't expecting.
It looked like he was slowly regaining clarity, staring down at his filthy shirt, his hands stained bright pink.
I nodded, uncertainly, offering him my water. “Yeah. Did you audition?”
He shoved it away, slapping himself in the face. “I… I don't know.”
“You… don’t know?”
Suddenly, it was like something had contorted in his expression, a switch being pulled. I wasn't expecting him to twist around so fast. The guy slowly cocked his head, his lips breaking into a grin. His eyes, however, stayed the same.
“Of course I've auditioned.” He said, with a laugh.
“It was the best experience of my life!" His mouth formed an almost mocking frown.
“Unfortunately, I didn't make the cut. Which is a real shame. I'm sure Caeles would have benefited from my talents.”
What was weird, is that his mouth was moving, but he wasn't even looking at me, frenzied eyes caught in an oblivion I couldn't see.
When he did look at me, his expression crumpled all over again.
Pepto jumped to his feet, brushing himself down.
I couldn't take his over the top smile seriously, when his eyes were screaming, hollowed out caverns silently begging me to listen.
This guy was fucking crazy.
“Wait.” Pepto whispered, when I turned to walk away.
He pulled out his phone, tapping the screen before shoving it in my face.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN AT THE CAELES ACADEMY AUDITIONS :)
When I could only stare at him in confusion, Pepto’s gaze flicked to his phone, swiping bile from his lips.
His eyes went cartoon wide, like he couldn't believe what he himself was typing.
“That… that's not what I was trying to say!” He tried retyping it, but the guy was just writing strings of emoji hearts.
I didn't know what to say. I had dealt with rejection before, but I had never gone this far. Pepto was having a full on mental breakdown, his body shuddering, teeth chattering, blinking eyes and lips parting as if to speak, but choking on his words. When he started clawing out his hair, I took the opportunity to make a quick getaway.
Before I could make it to the doors, though, Pepto jumped in front of me, waving his phone directly in my face.
“Just…” he pointed at the screen. “It won't let me…” Growing frustrated with himself, he let out a wet sounding sob, clawing his fingers through his hair.
“Fuck, it won't let me…it won't let me type! It's not letting me type!”
By now, he had tufts of hair stuck between his fingernails. I don't know why his first reaction was to immediately try ripping his hair out.
A quick glance at my own phone reminded me of my own audition that was in five minutes.
Meanwhile, I was dealing with what I was pretty sure was delusion, denial, or a mixture of both.
I was considering pushing past him, when Pepto’s phone screen hit me in the face. Again.
This time, though, there was coherent writing.
“FIND LUKE.”
“Luke?” I said. “Who's that?”
“Luke!” The guy was bouncing on the heels of his feet. “He's my…” Pepto drifted off, his eyes going vacant, as if I could physically see his brain being plucked from his skull. Pepto dropped his phone, and I grabbed it before it could hit the ground. His hands went to his curls, clawing, scratching, until he was drawing blood across his forehead.
“I… I don't know! I can't… I can't remember. Luke. He was my… he was my… I don't know, I can't… I can't–”
I stumbled back when he let out a shriek, scratching at his face.
“Fuck!” He whimpered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!”
Pepto grabbed my shoulders, shaking me, his fingers digging into my skin.
“I don't know who he is.” He gritted out, pink froth pooling from his lips.
Pepto broke out into a sob. “I don't… I don't know who he is, but you can find him, right? You can… you can find…”
Again, he trailed off mid sentence, his hands going limp around my shoulders.
I managed to side step him, swallowing a cry.
“Yeah, I'll, um, I'll find him for you.”
Pepto backed away, suddenly, stumbling over himself.
His gaze found mine, vacant, like a baby deer.
“Find who?”
I didn't wait around to answer him, pushing through the doors and stepping inside.
The interior was unsurprisingly even worse than the exterior.
The elevator was broken, so I had to run up three flights of stairs.
I expected at least an attempt at an academy, even in the dregs of an old dentist surgery.
What I got, though, was a never ending staircase, obnoxious photos of teeth greeting me on every level.
The third floor was… less clinical.
I strode directly into a waiting room filled with college aged students, either sitting on plastic chairs, or standing around, rehearsing.
The room itself was cosy enough, a navy carpet and a TV playing a random Twitch stream.
Situated in the middle was a desk with a bored looking woman behind it.
Her smile was fake. I could understand her pain. She was stuck in a room with theatre kids all day.
“Sign here.” She prodded a sheet of paper.
I was convinced her voice was AI.
While I was scribbling my details, I took a moment to notice the stark difference from the kids entering the room, to the ones leaving. The kids entering wore wide, confident smiles and were social butterflies, chatting amongst themselves.
The kids leaving reminded me of pod people.
They left the room silent, in an orderly line with dazed smiles on their faces, like they weren't sure where they were.
I watched one guy walk directly into the wall instead of taking a left toward the exit, and a girl straight up just toppled down the stairs.
The kids waiting with me named them rejects.
I wasn't convinced until I glimpsed an empty bottle of Pepto Bismol sitting on the floor by the window.
Thinking back to Pepto, that made a lot of sense.
I was still dazedly staring at the bottle, when my name was called.
Jumping to my feet, I did my best to calm myself down, straightening my ponytail. Pepto had really screwed with my head. I could barely even remember the lines I had been rehearsing for a week straight.
I was muttering my lines to myself, when I stepped through the door.
The door that apparently turned you into a pod-person on the way out.
For a moment, I thought I was blinded by stage lights.
It was so bright.
The glow bathing me was clinical, stabbing into my eyes.
When I blinked, I found myself standing in front of three shadows sitting in front of me.
Their chairs were made of leather, far different from the plastic ones in the waiting room.
So, they did have filthy cash.
I was looking at one man, and two women.
They were… average?
I expected them to be more glitzier, but they were just regular people.
The man was in his late twenties, maybe early thirties, a stiff looking brunette wearing a suit and tie, one leg crossed over the other. His eyes were narrowed slightly, lips curved into the start of a smile. Like I amused him.
The women were polar opposites.
One of them was my Mom’s age, grey hair and floral clothing. She took a sip of water, her gaze burning into me.
Google told me not to be intimidated by their stares, but it was impossible.
These people were carving holes into my skull.
Sitting next to her, a younger girl who seemed to own the color red.
Her hair simmered, blood red, while she herself was sculpted in a dress, perfect cherry lips spread in a wide smile.
With a little too many teeth.
They studied my face like I was already theirs, drinking in every inch of me.
Freddie said I had to find a weakness in their expression and use it to my advantage.
If I could find the prick of a genuine smile, I could become their favorite.
“Hi!” I said. My caffeine intake was starting to take effect.
I didn't realize I was bouncing up and down until I caught myself.
Red’s smile stretched wider.
Maybe they liked my eagerness.
“My name is Misa.” I introduced myself, staying casual, keeping my arms by my sides. “I'm twenty one years old–”
I choked on my next words when Red spoke up. “Impress us, Misa,” Her voice was a smooth, almost seductive rasp, and I felt myself fall into it, enveloped in sugar that was too sweet, and yet I couldn't stop myself. She folded her arms across her chest, her gaze challenging me to do something different. To make her want me.
“Show us something we have never seen before.” She stood up, cat-like eyes narrowing, “Show us how desperate you are to join this prestigious class.”
I nodded, and began.
I had planned a whole monologue, practised it over and over again, forcing Freddie to judge me with a none biassed opinion.
I was three lines in, when Red started laughing.
“Stop.”
I did, my cheeks heating up, and she started clapping.
“Sweetie, oh, stop, you're adorable!” She said, her lips curving into a cruel smirk.
She leaned forward, like I was something that entertained her, jostling her heeled foot. “We don't take amateurs. I think you need to go back to school.”
This woman was definitely a psychopath.
Empty eyes sparkling with a gleam that definitely enjoyed humiliating candidates, and a twisted smile that was a little too wide. Red made me want to crawl into the ground.
She made me want to turn around, leave the room, and quit my dream. I was aware of my own fury, my embarrassment turning my cheeks crimson. I matched her.
Maybe that's what she wanted all along. To wear the color of her victims.
Taking a shaky step back, I started to nod, started to agree, my mouth choking with the words, “You're right. I'm sorry for wasting your time."
I had never received proper constructive criticism from a professional standpoint.
Which meant I really did suck.
But I didn't move. I didn't want to move, and Red continued laughing, her companions sitting in silence.
The man rolled his eyes with a loud, exaggerated sigh.
Like I was boring.
The older woman pulled out her phone.
“Misa, you are…cute.” Red said. “But you're not quite what we are looking for.”
I wasn't sure I could admit it right there, but she made me feel things.
Like I was ignited.
Like I was going to prove this crazy bitch wrong.
I found my voice, strong and confident, despite my hammering heart.
“Give me another chance.”
Red’s lips curled. “So cute, Misa. Oh, sugar bear, It would be better if you left the room. Unless you want to embarrass yourself further! In that case, be my guest!”
She turned her attention to her nails, nudging the guy.
“Dinner?” She hummed. “I'm thinking of Italian. You are quite the wine connoisseur, Nicholas. Why don't you introduce me to your favorite?”
“Hey.” I blurted.
They ignored me, getting a little too close.
I don't know why I continued, reading my lines, screaming them, so I would be heard. I read them perfectly, and tweaking the genre from drama to romance, and then to horror. I became three different characters, a high school girl struggling with cancer, a final girl, and a woman going through a divorce.
I was fucking perfect.
But they weren't listening to me, caught up in their own conversation.
I tried again.
And again.
And again.
By now, I was on my knees, my fingers ripping into my hair. I was seeing red.
“We want originality, Misa,” Red said, sucking her teeth.
Her voice crawling into my skull was enough.
She still wanted me.
The thought polluted the back of my mind, taking a strangling hold. She still wanted me. When I lifted my head, Red wasn't looking at me, her gaze on the table grains. “Show us something new.”
I got to my feet, panting, my breath in my throat.
I became a screaming, strangled mess, a woman who lost her baby.
Red’s interest was piqued. Only slightly. Through my fraying vision, she slowly turned in her chair. “Again.” She clapped her hands, “Come on, Misa! We want new! We want never been fucking done before! Are you deaf?”
I couldn't stop the sobs escaping my mouth.
They lost interest again, right in the middle of my reading.
“Why can't you look at me?” I found myself spluttering.
When the man pulled out a bottle of water, I pulled off my heel and lobbed it at his face.
“Look at me!”
He did. Slowly. His gaze found me, for perhaps the first time.
Not as an amateur, but as a potential candidate.
Around the twentieth attempt, I started to laugh. Never been done before? I could feel my fingernails already in my scalp, clawing chunks of my hair out.
Reality contorted, and I felt myself drop to my knees. I was still laughing, spluttering, sobbing. I could still hear her in my head. Never Been Done Before. I started slowly, dragging my fingernails down my face until I felt the harsh sting.
“Again.” Red said, and her voice led me to stare down at my hands, at pinkish flesh glued to my bones, fleshy mounds.
So easy to tear. I didn't even feel it.
Only the sudden, unbridled euphoria of biting into my own skin, locking in my jaw, and ripping into myself.
When I tore it from the bone, warmth filled my mouth, and I was choking, guzzling down my own flesh, mulling it in my mouth and swallowing.
I can't remember how I got so deep, and why I didn't stop.
Why I didn't fucking scream.
But it didn't matter.
Red was standing up. She was clapping, her lips spread into a grin.
Her applause filled me with stars.
So, I ripped my hair from my scalp, a hysterical giggle escaping my lips.
She loved me.
I could see her jumping up and down, clapping.
Louder, and louder.
Her applause controlled me, twisting and contorting me into hers.
I didn't even think. I wanted to impress her, and doing this was doing just that.
My fingers were delving into my right eye socket, clawing my eye out. It didn't even hurt. Not with her thundering applause that was deafening, beautiful, an orchestra in my ears.
When I was semi conscious, my eye was crushed in my hand, but my vision was still mine, almost too clear. I could see streaks of red blurred between my lashes. My hair was caught between my fingers. But I wanted to do more.
When I stumbled to my feet, Red’s smile was so beautiful.
The man, however, looked horrified.
“Someone bring in the one of the successes,” Red’s voice was a shrill giggle, “Bring him in!” she clapped her hands together, and I spat out a fleshy thing. “I want to see them together! I want to see the future in front of us!”
Footsteps coming towards me in slow, shuddery thumps. I looked up, and a shadow was dancing around me.
When I slowly rose to my feet, I half realized I’d bitten my toe off. The shadow had a face, a boy who was younger than me. I think he used to have hair, but half of it was gone, half of it was still stuck between his fists. When I found his eyes, I found twin caverns instead.
Eyes that were still physically there, and yet there was no life.
No spark.
I was staring at a dead body, a flesh puppet who had lost his strings.
When he grabbed my hands, pulling me into a waltz, I caught a smear of scarlet trickling down the back of his neck. When I followed it upwards, his head was covered, slick, dripping with red.
Like me, he matched her too.
And he was beautiful, she told me, her push, her thunderous applause, guiding me into a waltz.
His feet moved, perfecting every step, and my foggy mind couldn't understand why. He matched my every move, the two of us floating across the floor.
My feet knew the steps before my mind.
How could he dance? I thought, dizzily.
How could he dance, when smeared scarlet followed his twisting, and turning and pirouetting feet?
Because underneath that swimming clinical light, the back of the boy’s head had been carved away, a perfectly sculpted cavern where his brain should have been. I could see the severed stem, where it had cleanly plucked out.
His fingers cradled in mine were wet. Swimming in blood.
His own blood.
Spinning round and around, I imagined myself as a princess.
I saw an 18th century ballroom lit up around us. Glittering smiles and glasses of champagne, long, flowing ball gowns.
I blinked, and my head was tipped back, gliding in blood once again.
When he pulled me to his chest, I stumbled, and a name came to light.
Luke.
I had found him.
Our finishing spin left me hard to breathe.
My body was broken, ripped into, and yet somehow not.
By the time we were finished, the two of us bowing, my mind was full of fog.
Cotton candy.
“Congratulations!” Red’s smile was inhuman, stretching right off of her face.
“You're in the S class!”
I was led through a door that wasn't the one I entered from. Inside the room were a dozen or so students, kneeling on the floor. They were missing parts of themselves, like unfinished puzzle pieces.
I dropped onto my knees next to a girl without a head. I could only see her torso, but I knew she was smiling.
Looming over us, was the goddess Athena drenched in blood that was still wet.
Dripping, pooling from every crevice of her dress.
Looking closer, this statue was moving.
Something sickly crept into my mouth.
Her right eye was human, a twitching eyeball sandwiched inside the stone.
It didn't match her. It was wrong, horrifying, like a painting, a real human eye struggling to focus on us.
And then, my own gaze found the statues head, where a real human brain had been forced inside perfect white, pink, greyish mush dripping down the sculpted, slender neck.
I could see where it had been pushed, pulverised through the stone.
The statue’s singular eye found me.
Its dancing pupil jumped up and down.
Before it blinked.
Next to me, Luke was on his knees, as if in prayer.
I can't remember leaving the room.
I just remember running.
Back down the stairs, stumbling, staggering over myself.
I was screaming by the time I reached the doors.
They opened, as usual.
But I couldn't get through. I tried, but I was slamming into something I couldn't see.
Pepto was still waiting outside. The sky was dark.
When he saw me, he stumbled over, slamming his hands into the glass.
I couldn't even understand myself. I was just fucking screaming.
Pepto held up his phone.
“DID YOU FIND HIM?”
I shook my head.
“No.” I lied.
I can't tell him the truth. I don't even know what it is.
“I can't get out!”
Pepto nodded slowly, typing something and showing me his phone.
I'm getting you both out of there. I think I know how I can get inside.
It's been 3 days, and Pepto is yet to return.
I’ve tried multiple times to cry out for the H word. But it won't let me type it.
Please H me. I need to get out of this place.
Fuck. Get me OUT OF HERE.
Classes start tomorrow.
submitted by Trash_Tia to nosleep [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:27 Sir_Admiral_Chair The Honeymoon period has worn off, the meta of this place is complaining and complaining about complaining. But don't let it distract you from the fact this is a normal thing which happens when the honeymoon period wares off for any social product.

People will have opinions, people will be attached to things and be disappointed when there are changes, bit this game is the perfect instance of a live service, because everything is in flux, even the community. It's highly dynamic and if you take a step back for a moment to just appreciate this community being dynamic, then perhaps some people can look on this whole thing a bit more positively.
You know the saying, people criticise what they love. And sometimes people will be emotional and use rhetoric which others feel may go to far.
What people need to realise is that the reason why the Helldivers 2 community loves to complain after the controversy is because so many members of the community have been taught by this a lesson in collective power. Hence people believe that they can complain into making the game better and they will continue to do so.
If you want a case study in social science, this is a great great example to explore, and I bet some researchers have already have their eyes peeling over the Helldivers 2 controversy and the aftermath. I said this in the post I made here before on the last day before Sony conceded to the main demand but not the secondary demand.
People feel emboldened and the honeymoon has officially ended at the same time. The result this has on the community is the illusion is shattered by some of the worst of human instincts, but combated by some of the best.
Because of the secondary demand not being met, many in the community who believed it the more important issue (PSN access in the global south) are being forced to confront their own perceptions and seeing how these tendencies may run deeper than this game's community itself.
I would like to see more community social commentary posts like my own, and I would love to see more people understand the depth of this games social commentary itself. Feel free to insert accusations of me being a bug or robot sympathiser.
Cyberstan was literally minding it's own business, and it got taken over and the cyberstan people were forced to submit to the demands of Super Earth. This is a reference to the banana republics, unequal treaties, and colonialism. Meanwhile the bugs were peaceful until Super Earth took over their worlds and stwrted farming them for oil, I imagine this is more a commentary on the way the west has treated the middle east.
Now let me ask you this... What if you line up the PSN access map with the Human development index, and then line it up with the scramble for Africa map, and also the partition of the Ottoman Empire after WW1. You notice anything interesting? The reason PSN doesn't exist in these countries is an indirect result of what Super Earth did to Cyberstan. Well not exactly it was not Super Earth but the whole point is Cyberstan is a metaphor, so are the bugs.
We can all be annoyed at Sony, and that's totally okay, but the reason Sony doesn't provide PSN access in these countries is due to the historical and infrastructural legacy of colonialism and imperialism. The Automaton's are merely a reaction to the former, like the anti-apartied and anti-colonial movements. Super Earth sanitises it's role much like how the British, French, Dutch, Portuguese, Spanish, and Americans have in the past and do today to a lesser extent. If you don't believe that Super Earth's behaviour would be allowed to happen in our world you are already wrong. See Operation Legacy for instance, a program initiated by the British in order to preserve or secure their legacy as a "progressive" colonial power, this included the mass burning of documents which documented various crimes against humanity such as concentration camps, massacres, and well... It goes on.
It's not an easy subject to approach and the reality of the modern world is already highly confrontational to all of us, it's not pretty and the satire of Helldivers 2 potrays what it's like to live on the beneficiary side of the equation. Should you feel guilty for your role in history? Only if you directly participate in injustice, and that's why the propaganda of our societies does so very much to try and protect these direct contributors because these direct contributors are indeed keeping our global economy the way it is. But we are all involved, and ultimately the direct contributors are fooled into this as well. This is a global problem, and because of years of direct contributors we in the global north indirectly benefit from what happens in the global south. This doesn't mean we should guilt ourselves for this, because after all you are a citizen of this Super Earth, it's not your fault that you didn't know any better, your agency is also impaired by the fact that ethical consumerism is itself propaganda.
The question we should be asking ourselves, is what we should do with our agency with the agency we have to affect the outcomes of this. Ask not what Earth can do for you, ask what you can do for Earth. If you want to see a brighter future for our Earth, what will you do with your agency to help those less fortunate than you?
I am not going to tell you how, because there are thousands of beliefs and thousands of ways you can make the world a better place, you aren't needed in the Congo, you are needed in your community, in your environment, in your country. People in other countries have agency over their actions within the limitations of their circumstances, yoy cannot judge them for being unable to solve a problem which has persisted for centuries, neither should you. But the most important question to ask is... Are you doing your part?
Helldivers, you know that change comes from numbers, not from single actions, but without single actions there would be no masses.
For our own sanity in this increasingly confusing, alienating world with sharpening contradicting social forces... You can either choose to isolate yourself from it, or make the world a better place. I have tried to do this in my own life, and this gives me meaning and has helped me achieve self-actualisation. I ak proud of my effort, even if it's only a small part of a bigger whole.
Cleansing the world of the legacy of colonialism and imperialism... WILL make PSN available everywhere. Direct actions have indirect consequences.
I will show my personal bias in my final sentance but it holds true regardless of time.
Educate, Agitate, Organise. Be the change you wish to see, and you will inspire others to follow.
submitted by Sir_Admiral_Chair to Helldivers [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:26 Aggravating-Sand6320 An Interesting Case EOCD

Hi everyone I have a fun/interesting case and this is my first time posting. I’m open to DMs if anyone wants to chat further about the following topics but first I’d like just a little clarity 😅
I’m a straight 20-year-old male struggling with a complex mix of mental health issues, and I'm looking for advice or shared experiences. I suffer from depression, existential OCD, and Bipolar disorder, which causes me to swing between intense existential realizations and deep, hopeless depression. I also have (important) autogynephilia and am a part-time cross-dresser. I started cross-dressing in secret as a child, feeling immense guilt due to my religious upbringing. The difficult part about it was not that I didn’t look good enough, it was that I looked way better dressed as a female and even my irl and online friends would agree. I have a small waist, large hips, soft skin and just preform better as a submissive during intimate sessions. Why would God make me such a passable feminine body along with autogynephilia (the sexual attraction to oneself thought as a woman aka trap, femboy, cross dresser, trans or whatever you want to call it.) Fortunately, I have a loving girlfriend who not only accepts but enjoys and supports this aspect of me. Despite this, the religious guilt is overwhelming, especially because I grew up in a strict religious environment.
I'm constantly plagued by thoughts and dread about the afterlife, God, and the universe. I often feel that the rapture is imminent and am troubled by the idea of a cruel God. This consumes my mind daily. Recently, I’ve had panic and anxiety attacks about going to hell and the impossibility of being good enough to enter heaven. I feel destined for hell, and every action is scrutinized through the lens of my fear of eternal damnation. It’s making my life miserable. These thoughts and feelings have been with me for as long as I can remember.
These issues deeply affect my relationship with my girlfriend. I go through phases where I fully embrace cross-dressing, and we have a lot of fun together, but then I swing to the opposite extreme, throwing away all our toys in fear of eternal punishment. My research into Near-Death Experiences (NDEs) has only added to my confusion, as everyone seems to have different experiences, making life feel like a cruel game.
It doesn't help that people find my brain extremely interesting and believe I’m destined for so much more, given my talents as a closeted femboy. This has driven me to search for truth beyond religion and philosophy. I’ve attempted exposure therapy, but it's hard to apply it to these deep existential concerns. I've seen two therapists who found my case too interesting or entertaining to be genuinely helpful. I even tried talking to a priest about my issues, but he ended up trying to take advantage of me, leading to my girlfriend and I leaving that town. Ultimately, I want to achieve a mindset where I’m not in constant cognitive dissonance and can live without the fear of eternal torment for being the way God made me.
Has anyone else dealt with similar issues or found effective ways to cope with such profound existential and religious anxiety?
For example, why would God give me 1. A passable feminine body 2. Autogynophelia to match the body 3. A perfect GF that loves me for who I am then send me to hell because of it?
Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
submitted by Aggravating-Sand6320 to mentalhealth [link] [comments]


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