My (30M) wife (31F) has a few health problems.
1st health issue: She has had stomach problems and constipation since she was a child, sometimes causing her to get extremely bloated. For example before we get in the shower she looks her normal, then once in the shower she looks like she gained 15lbs.
This has seemingly gotten worse in the past few years, when we dated 6 years ago I never noticed it. She’s never been diagnosed with stomach issues, I’ve urged her to see a gastroenterologist because it is not normal to get extreamly bloated after finishing a meal, or drinking a beer, or getting in a hot shower.
She brushes it off and says she doesn’t know why it happens but that it’s always been this way. I’ve told her it can be a big turn off, if she starts eating food shortly before we are going to have sex because she will get bloated and it makes her look unhealthy, ill, not herself, even though she looks like this 50% her non bloated body is her when her stomach is properly functioning, according to her.
2nd health issue: She has dealt with chronic allergies her whole life, talking about going through a 120 count box of Kleenex every 3rd day. Dirty tissues everywhere, left on our bed, sometimes the floor. Ok. We’ve talked about this and it’s gotten better (the cleanup).
Last year, a smell starting emitting from her nostrils. A foul, pungent, sweet (I can’t describe it) smell that is very off putting. She went to the doc, turns out she’s had a sinus infection for a very long time. She has a deviated septum and needs surgery. It was a big surgery, and it was successful. She uses tissues more like a normal frequency. a few sheets per day.
BUT, the smell comes and gos, sometimes it is very potent. It’s been about a week straight. Anyways, when the smell is potent, I can smell it if she’s even within a few feet of me, sitting shoulder to shoulder, face to face. Kissing is totally off limits, because it is a huge turn off (bad smells) and she breathes heavily out of her nose onto me because that happens while kissing.
So now, if this stuff is going on we don’t have any intimacy, rarely sex, definitely no kissing. She gets upset sometimes (at me) and I just let her know I love her, it’s not her fault, but that I can’t just “put up with it” (her suggestion) and make out/and be intimate anyways.
Between both of these, unfortunately it diminishes my attraction to her when these things are present. When they aren’t (rarely) we have some really hot sex and both connect very well.
If it’s just the bloating, I’m always intimate with her. Sex, kissing, all of it.
When it’s her nose emitting the strong smell, I can’t.
AITA?
TL;DR: Wife has a serious sinus infection that emits a foul rancid smell out of her nostrils. She had surgery, and multiple follow ups. The smell persists, just as bad as before. The surgeon says that’s all the treatment they can provide. She has mentioned at times I should suck it up or just deal with it, and make out and be intimate with her.

The wife and I just got off the CZ EMY->DEN, our first Amtrak trip. We bid-up and got a full bedroom. Overall, it was a really pleasant experience, and a great end to our vacation in SF. We definitely learned a few things (like bring your own pillow!), but there's one thing that almost soured the whole experience for us - we could barely stand the room air at all.
I don't know if the vent was dusty, if they treat it with something or if there was just some western tree we're unfamiliar with that dumped pollen into the system - but we both got major allergy symptoms being in the bedroom (runny nose, sinus congestion, backing up into our ears at some points). It seemed like only maybe one or two other people tops had the same thing happen, and I can't find any reference to anything like that online. It did seem to be noticeably worse in our room than in the dining car or observation car, but even closing our vent tight didn't help. The air smelled fine, not like it was polluted or anything. Our car was a Superliner I if that makes a difference. We definitely didn't get sick, it's definitely a reaction to the room air.
Are we just particularly sensitive, or what happened? Anyone else experience this? We've gone through nearly a whole box of tissues in our hotel room already as this crap clears out.

I just got a 2021 530i. All the cars I had before for were Japanese and the center console was always the perfect spot to put a box of tissues. I have allergies and a messy child, so it comes in handy. The BMW console doesn’t fit the tissue box. Where should I put it?

I recently went on a 4 weeks trip across 5 countries to celebrate our 14 year anniversary with my wife. We stayed at the following properties:
Fairfield Seoul
Ritz Carlton Kuala Lumpur
Marina Bay Sands Hotel
St. Regis Singapore
Ritz Carlton Fari Islands Maldives
Grand Sheraton Dubai
JW Marriott Dubai
Al Maha, Luxury Collection
Other than the MBS Hotel in Singapore, which was a bucket list hotel I really wanted to stay at, all other properties were under the Marriott portfolio. In this review, I will cover each of their stay impression from a Titanium Elite perspective. YMMV.
On this trip I experienced amazing service at almost all the Marriott properties. In fact, starting with the St. Regis in Singapore, the staff and elite recognition team coordinated with each of the subsequent properties I was going to visit and provided a bit of an over arching, consistent service experience. For example, the JW Marriott in Dubai requested a photo of my wife and I from the St. Regis Singapore team, which they made into a custom anniversary card and placed it in our suite as we checked in. They also received pointers on our favorite tea from the Ritz Carlton Maldives and added them to our room. Multiple Marriott properties on our trip teamed up and worked together to make our trip absolutely unforgettable. I have never felt so valued in my travels.

Fairfield Seoul

First up is the Fairfield Seoul. The location isn't the most amazing since it takes about 30 minutes to get to any major tourist attraction. However, it is right next to the yeongdeungpo train station so it is quite accessible in general as you can catch the train to go pretty much every direction in seoul. There is a coin laundry store 1 block away that opens 24 hours a day, and the airport transfer bus stops right in front of the hotel as well. In terms of amenities the hotel ticks all the right boxes.
Unfortunately for any Marriott loyalist, your elite status won't get you anything here as they don't offer free breakfast. There is also no nicer rooms or suites. The best they offered me was a higher floor room, which was like a shoe box. I had some pretty servere allergy when staying here as well, I think the ac unit aren't properly maintained and cleaned. It can be a cesspool for germs if not done. Although the elevator set up is nice and modern, where you swipe your card and it tells you which elevator to get in without you needing to press the floor button, higher floor sometimes still takes a long time to get into an elevator.
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The restaurant on site, if you do want to have a breakfast buffet, has a fairly decent selection and is reasonably priced for western standards, at around 17,000 won. They claim it is independent from the hotel so no free breakfast for anyone. Nice for them to have the convenience of locating directly inside the hotel though, I wonder what their main clientele is?
Moxys will give you free breakfast and their locations are a bit better than fairfield. They cost slightly more per night. Something to consider.
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Staff wasn't very friendly. They do speak very good English in general, but aren't keen to help you much. For example, there was a pretty big pool of water on a bench in the lobby. I almost sat on it while I was waiting for my wife. I informed the front desk about the water, just letting them know it's there. 20 minutes after I was about to leave, the water was still there. Tells you how much they actually care about their job.
The good news is, this was the worst hotel on our entire trip, it is onward and upward from here.

Ritz Carlton Kuala Lumpur

While we were still in South Korea, Ritz Carlton Kuala Lumpur's team reached out to me. To my surprise, they offered me access to the club lounge, free breakfast, room upgrades, the whole 9 yards. You know, things that Ritz Carlton isn't required to offer to elite members. I got them all.
As we approach the hotel, we entered through a separate entrance, where club lounge access is located. For guests that have club lounge access, we checked in at the club, instead of going through the lobby. It was quite late by the time we arrived at the hotel, around 8pm. The Assistant Club Lounge Manager, Musaddiq Bin Muzafar, warmly greets us. I mention his name here because he is one of the finest, polite, and professional gentlmen I have ever encountered on my travels. He sat us down, took care of our luggages, then went through every little details on how the property was going to pamper us. The club lounge served 6 different meal services a day, it was just over the top. He apologized for not having mobile keys at the property, no big deal whatsoever. We had access to a 24 hour butler service, where we could get non-alcoholic drinks completely free any time of the day. The list went on and on.
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The hotel is around 25 years old. However, you can definitely tell they spared no expense building this property. The marbles ran up and down the walls in addition to the floors. We were upgraded to a gorgeous one bedroom suite. Our hotel room was adorned with balloons, cholocates, towel arts to celebrate our special occasion. The rooms all have high ceilings. The entire bathrooms were marbled on all surfaces. The bed, on the firm side, is one of the best hotel beds I have ever rest in. The Mrs. agreed.
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We had the option of dining in the lounge or their main restaurant for breakfast. The latter was full of selections from the east and west. Some of the highlights included the freshly made roti and nasi lemak, the unusually thick cut smoke salmon, smoke duck, and crab omelette.
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We tried all the meal services other than lunch in the club lounge. The staff was very attentive, and we had the pleasure of Ms. Shi Ying taking care of us on many meal services there. Although she is fairly new at the hotel, her bright smile and quick to attendiness made our day just so much more relaxed. She comes across as geniune and enjoys her job very much, and was always quick to provide assistance and take our food and beverages orders. We know the hotel is good when we have a hard time wanting to leave the hotel and go see attractions, because the hotel is so comfortable.
Originally, we planned on getting a spa treatment once we are in another country. However, the world class service we received from the staff in Ritz Carlton Kuala Lumpur intrigued me to inquire about their spa facilities, and upon review, we made a couple bookings and were glad we did. I didn't get my massage therapist's name, but she was absolutely amazing, and is one of the best massage therapists I've ever encountered. I usually go with male massage therapists because of their stronger pressure, but this lady massage therapist at Kuala Lumpur was amazing and able to exert as much pressure as I needed. The 2 hour session practically flew by, and I was thoroughly relaxed after climbing 300 stairs at the Batu Cave.
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I casually mentioned to Mr. MD Monayem, another club lounge gentleman, that our flight out of Kuala Lumpur will be really early and thus we would unfortunately miss the world-class breakfast at their propertly. He promptly asked about my flight details, and proceed to arrange for a to-go breakfast for two, plus coffee, for 4:30am in the morning, all ready for us at the lobby when we check out. The butler swiftly brought our luggages down as MD planned a few days ahead, and we arrived in the airport without any surprises.
The Ritz Carlton Kuala Lumpur is one of the very best properties I have ever stayed in, not just because of their beautifully appointed facilities, but most importantly, their professional, caring, and warm ladies and gentlemen serving us. I will make it a point to return to this hotel next time I am in Kuala Lumpur, and ensure all my friends and acquaintances know about its legendary service.

Marina Bay Sands Hotel

Leaving Malaysia early in the morning, we arrived in Changi airport around 9am, and through the MRT, got to Marina Bay Sands Hotel's check in counter around 11am. Knowing that we were going to arrive early, we sent an email to the hotel a week early to see if there would be any opportunity for an early check-in. In the response, they mentioned the possibility subject to availability.
Upon arriving at the check-in desk at Tower 1, the atmosphere was quite a contrast from the friendly possibility conveyed in the email response. It first took us about 10 minutes of waiting, until someone approached us at the line. Before even looking at our booking, he told us promptly that check-in is not available until 3pm. I mentioned about the email corresspondence, and that is when he reluctantly took my reservation number, then told us to head down to Tower 3 and enquire there, since we would be staying at Tower 3. He also then said there will be a charge for early check-in if it is available.
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When we got to Tower 3, the check-in counter had 2 people on staff. One was helping a customer while the other stood there and looked at the other person, walking back and forth. Including us, there were 4 more sets of guests waiting in line. It took 30 minutes, I'm not exaggerating here, until that person that was doing nothing, acknowledge the guests in front of us in the line to go talk to him. Then another staff waved us down to go to the check-out counter to help us. The first couple was still standing at the counter, 30 minutes after, talking to the first staff. While we were waiting, the 4 of us in line started talking about how this extreme wait in line seemed to be a tactic from the hotel to discourage anyone to attempt to have an early check-in. To be honest, all I wanted to do at that point was to drop off my luggages for storage so we could be on our way.
At the Check-out counter, the lady kindly let us know it's because it is around their check out time of 11am, so they are mostly busy with checking the guests out. After some discussions, she advises us that if the room is ready before 3pm for early check-in, they will send us an email. She then proceeds to tell us in great details of all the fine-dining restaurants the hotel has to offer, including their multiple signature dishes from each restaurant. I then realized why it took so long for the preivouis guests. We wanted to get out of the hotel to go enjoy our day, so we wanted to leave. She then further informed us that there are renovations going on at Tower 3, and we are on the lower level. While the renovation is on the higher levels, we may still hear noises. I then asked if we could be moved to either Tower 1 or 2 to avoid the noises, she responded that our rate would not allow us to be in the nicer, newly renovated rooms of Tower 1 or 2, but she will do her best to give us the best room in the category in Tower 3. Considering the rate of booking this hotel was just shy of $1,000 SGD, I really didn't like hearing this information. Not only did MBS not inform us through email communication prior to our arrival, but the way the lady informed us the situation made us felt like we were some sort of poor guests that should've spend more to avoid noise inconvenience. We left the hotel a bit miffed, and went about our day. We were given temporary keys so we could access the rooftop pool, one of the main highlights of the hotel. We spent about an hour there before we left. It was nice, had a great view of the city, although a bit hot and smog. After the pool we went about our day.
We got the email notification that the room was ready at exactly 2:58pm. Once we checked into our room, my previous frustration with the frontline staff pretty much went away. The room was gorgeously appointed. The view to the Garden By The Bay (GBTB) was beautiful. The room itself was quite large, and the bathroom was marbled throughout, nothing sort of a luxury hotel, and easily rivaled the Ritz or JW of the Marriott brands. The entire minibar was free as well. Shortly after our check-in, a gentleman arrived to provide some turndown service. He was quite eager to help, and provided us multiple bags of chips and more coffee and drinks. I visited the pool at night for the second time, and this time I felt the magic of this rooftop infinity pool truly came alive. The lighting of the pool was a beautiful hue of turquoise. By now the city is lit up, the temperature dropped a bit, and people are clubbing in one of the rooftop bar with great music. Generally it had a great vibe. The view at night is nothing short of magical, and the pool wasn't very busy either so I never felt crowded. I ended up staying in the pool until it closed at midnight. This was one of the highlights of my Singapore visit.
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The night view of GBTB from our room was even more beautiful than during the day. I took the opportunity and walked around the hotel, and all the way towards GBTB, pass 1am, and took in all its amazing architecture. This hotel is definitely an architectural and engineering masterpiece.
In the morning, the gentleman from the evening turndown service returned to offer more tea. I asked for his name this time. Chang Cheng was very courteous and we really appreciated his attententiveness during our stay.
Although we were offered a discount at their Rise restaurant for breakfast, we decided to go to the casino solely to have a lobster laksa noodle soup from the restaurant within. It was delicious. I also browsed the gift shop situated within the hotel, and bought a book that talked about how the MBS hotel was built.
Throughout our stay, we didn't hear the noise from renovation at all. And upon our check out, the frontline staff graciously offered us a 1-hour late check-out without any hesitation, which we really appreciated. As we called our grab to leave the hotel, the bell service staff checked our Grab details, invited us to wait inside the air-conditioned space, then queued us to head out as our Grab arrived, which we also very much appreciated their care in the service.
Overall I was quite satisfied from this stay, minus the initial impression during the arrival process. I recognize the staff warned us about the renovation noise to temper expectation, but perhaps the delivery could be better, and really don't let your guests wait in line for more than 10 minutes if possible. The hotel's hard product is world class and top notch, while the soft product could use some improvement.

St. Regis Singapore

After a bit of a lackluster service at the Marina Bay Sands Hotel, the St. Regis Singapore promptly reminded me why I remain loyal to Marriott properties. As we sit at the individual check-in desk (nice to be sitting down and check-in), Ms. Syikin, the Guest Relations Manager drops by and personnally welcomed us to the hotel. This was our very first time staying at a St. Regis, and immediately we were greeted by her warm welcome.
We were provided a beautiful, classically appointed Caroline Astor Suite. All the blinds were automatic, all the furniture were exotic solid wood, and the living room had a gorgeous view over the area. Our bedroom had a beautiful art adorn above the headboard, and similar to the Ritz, the bathroom had marble throughout all its surfaces, while having a beautifully symmetrical his and her sink. In addition, this is also the first hotel i stayed at where the shower has side jets that provides a nice soft massage during shower. The slight improvement this suite could have would be having some additional universal plugs at the nightstand tables. unfortunately because all the furniture feature set wood types and unique pattern, it would have looked out of place if they replaced those night stand tables with modern appointments.
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Although the hotel did not feature an executive lounge, an afternoon refershment for elite member was offered in their Astor Bar. the cheeses offered were absolutely amazing. I especially loved the goat and blue cheese. We also witnessed for the first time, the St. Regis tradition of the sabering ritual, where they took a 2 feet long saber and pop open a champaigne. It was quite a sight to see.
The breakfast at St. Regis Singapore is one of the best breakfast offerings I have had on this long trip, across 9 hotel properties. They had the eastern offerings on the buffet table spanning chinese, indian, and japanese, while the western offerings can be ordered off their menu, all inclusive to the buffet price. Some of the highlights included the Uni Inari sushi, the kaya toast, and the made to order eggs benedicts. Towards the end of our breakfast, Syikin drops by to say hi, and provided us with some beautiful tea blends exclusive to St. Regis Singapore, as well as a luxurious luggage tag that I now adorn on my luggage. Upon our conversation, turns out she knows a few colleagues at the Ritz Carlton Maldives, where we are headed next, and sent them an email to inform our arrival.
I can confidently say that St. Regis Singapore is one of the very best hotels I have ever stayed at. We truly appreciated Ms. Syikin's attentiveness to her brand loyalists, and look forward to return to the hotel in the near future.

Ritz Carlton Fari Islands Maldives

The Ritz Carlton Maldives is the pinnacle of our hotel stays to date. Coming in with a hefty price tag, this resort has an unparalleled hard product, and top notch service. The experience starts as soon as we landed in Male. The Ritz is one of a few luxury resorts in the Maldives that doesn't have its own dedicated arrival lounge in the airport, so they took us to a restaurant that we were able to order anything off the menu with them taking care of the bill. However, it took us a while before we were greeted onto the vessel as they had some issues with their standard high speed boat. So as a trade for our inconvenience, we were greeted by a beautiful yacht that took 85 minutes instead of the standard 45 minutes to reach the resort. I have heard a lot of other reviews regarding the high speed boat not being the most comfortable vessel and some guests got sea sick. This yacht was nicely appointed and had onboard wifi. We also headed to the upper deck and enjoyed the view. Generally it was a very comfortable ride and we definitely travelled in style to the resort. Onboard the yacht, the staff provided a beautiful snack box and would be refilled on demand, not that we could eat anymore given we just had multiple meals in the airport lounge, on the plane, and now on the yacht.
Our Aris Meeha (personal butler) Shuhu, greeted us at the arrival jetty, along with the guest experience manager. Shuhu drove us with a buggy, while leaving all of our luggage behind for the bell service to take care of. Each and every one of our luggage was given a beautiful Ritz-Carlton Maldives luggage tag, with our room number and details written on there. As we arrive to our villa, we see our personalized bicycles with wooden name plates, and a beautiful sand art made on the bridge to our Villa that welcomes us "home".
We opted for the overwater, 2 bedroom villa. This is by far the best hotel room I have ever had the blessing to stay in. The villa had the best of both worlds in terms of its location. It is located on the main island, with its own lush vegetated private road for added privacy, then a bridge that connects from the end of the island towards the villa itself, which completely sits above the water. With just under 4,000 sqft of total liveable space, the living room and both bedrooms have floor to ceiling windows that can fully open to the deck, which features a full length private pool. To the side of the pool there is a outdoor dining table, 2 full size circular sofa beds, and the ladder access directly into the lagoon.
As a toss up between the Ritz and St. Regis Maldives, I picked the Ritz for its newer villa in exchange for a lack of established coral reef. To my pleasant surprise, because of the way this particular villa is situated off the island, there are quite a bit of established reef to the side of the island, meaning I had some of the best snorkeling just outside of my own villa. It was also quite a delight to snorkel under the villa and its connecting bridge to the island while chasing fishes, adding some terrain variety.
The villa itself is well appointed with technology. In addition to the 3 very large screen smart TVs, a Bang & Olufson bluetooth headphone was provided, which I enjoyed using during my stay. The master bedroom's bathroom had a dual interioexterior shower, which we used multiple times a day. Our housekeeper, Arif, also provided us an exquisitely laid out bubble bath for our arrival and a couple days in. It is absolutely heavenly, to have the ability to go snorkeling right outside of our villa, come up and swim in the private pool, walk over for a nice shower, than jump into a bubble bath, every single day during our stay.
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Speaking of Arif, he was perhaps the most detail orientated housekeeper we have ever encountered. I had some pollen allergy when I arrived on the island. Arif came by the second day with extra tissue boxes for my comfort. He also noticed we like our water cold, so he cleared the mini bar fridge (which was all included except for alcohol), and placed all of the supplied water in the fridge for us. As a part of the stay, many snacks are provided in the villa, which he would refill twice a day if consumed.
We were invited to a couple elite member appreciation reception. There were quite a bit of drinks and fancy appetizers served, including caviar on smoke salmon. During this event a few restaurants and food selections were recommended to us, which we tried later. Some of the highlights included the In-Villa-Dining's Veal Cheek Soup, and the waffle during breakfast. The former had some of the most tender beef I've ever had in a Taiwanese style beef noodle soup, while the latter was literally the best waffle I've ever had, it was soft and fluffy on the inside, while featuring an extremely thin, and not overly crispy outer shell. The breakfast buffet had a healthy amount of selection, although not the most elaborate I've ever seen, but has a Chinese noodle soup station, and an Indian masala dosa station, with made to order western eggs and desserts varieties. Some of the highlights for me included the lobster chilli omelette, the really authentic chicken noodle soup, the waffles, and the Shakshuka (a middle eastern dish that has spices, bell peppers and sunny side up eggs).
There are quite a number of premium restaurants on site. We tried the tum tum food truck which featured Taiwanese style gua bao with fancy fillings such as lobsters or softshell crabs, and Arabesque which featured indian and middle eastern style cuisines. At Arabesque, we had a lightly battered, spice blended, Egyptian seafood platter, which featured freshly caught local fish, and the largest prawn I've ever seen in my life. The minced lamb wrap was also very delicious. These 2 restaurants are located in a nearby island with another resort, which has regularly scheduled ferries servicing between it and the Ritz island.
The highlight of our culinary delight on the resort however, had to go to Summer Pavilion. This restaurant's food is at a Michelin Star level. Our server, Eliza, took great care of me. I went to the restaurant alone, while my wife stayed in the Villa, a bit under the weather. Shuhu passed on this information to Eliza, and I planned to pack half of my food back for my wife. Eliza added a chicken noodle soup to the order considering my wife's wellness. I've never seen such care in a Michelin stars restaurant, let alone a regular restaurant. I had the privilege to try out 3 dishes, the Lobster Rice Soup, the Crab Fried Rice, and the Chilli Oil Prim Rib. The first dish was creative yet not pretentious, while the 2 latter dishes are the best variation I've ever had. After the meal, instead of me carrying the takeout back to the villa, the restaurant prepared dedicated room service and delivered the food to us.
I tried out the Signature Spa package at the resort, a 180 minute experience that did not come cheap. It was an amazing massage with a full steam sauna, coconut bath, dry sauna, and coconut scrub treatment. Very relaxing, but had 3 showers as a part of the experience, which I thought could probably do with one less, and I thought the value proposition isn't as good as a few other spa I have visited around the world.
As we depart the resort, we were treated to a completely different yacht, leaving yet again in style. Once we arrived at the airport, the Ritz staff took care of our luggage all the way till the flight check-in, without us needing to lift a finger. He even came with us through the primary security screening to further help us with our luggage. In the end, I look back to this particular resort with fond memories, and the legendary services provided by the staff like Shuhu, Arif, and Eliza. However, as we are not so used to such an attentive service in our travel, it was a bit overwhelming at first. I think Shuhu quickly noticed our style and was able to adapt. I think it may be worthwhile for the Aris Meeha to ask the guests initially what their service interval/intensity preferences are, to further tailor to their liking. We also felt there was a bit of sale pressure from the staff regarding restaurant bookings, spa product offerings, excursion bookings and such. Maybe they were just trying to be helpful as those things would be what fill an itinenary in a Maldives resort island.
Finally, I think it would not be a fair review without talking about the value proposition at this resort. This is the best hotel property we have ever stayed at in our entire life. The service, the villa, and the facilities are all world class, and I've had some of the best meals of my life at this resort. Considering it is literally in the middle of the Indian ocean, thousands of miles from major culture centres, it is nothing short of a feat to have such high quality, international cuisines all available at this resort. But other than the meal at the Summer Pavilion, I still have a bit of internal challenge justifying spending $50 USD on a personal sized pizza, $480 USD on a spa treatment, or $2,000 USD on the yacht rides to and from the airport.
Bottomline is, the Ritz-Carlton Maldives is the best hotel I have ever stayed in my life. Although a bit overpriced in some regards, the service and attention to details of the staff, the design and appointments of the villa, and the world class facilities and location together made memories that we will never forget.

Grand Sheraton Dubai

Exchanging the beach for the desert, we head into Sheraton Grand in Dubai. Upon our arrival around 3pm, the front desk invited us to the executive lounge first while preparing an upgraded Deluxe Suite for us. We enjoyed the afternoon tea in the lounge, which consisted of many sweet and savory selections. Amongst the many choices, the shrimp with caviar was my favorite.
Upon entering the suite, we were provided with a beautiful spread of towel art to celebrate our anniversary. A nice card and a cake was also provided. The suite itself had a gorgeous view over this cool looking, seesaw like tower, as well as the trade centre roundabout, which I quickly dubbed "the roundabout from hell". Nevertheless, we absolutely loved the metropolis view this suite provided, given we just spent a week in front of the beach. The hotel offered complementary valet service, which was a godsend for us as we rented a car during our stay.
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The breakfast spread at the restaurant Feast is really impressive, essentially featuring all the international dishes we grew accustomed from our time in the Maldives. Surprisingly, one of my favorite dishes from this huge selection was the seemingly unassuming hashbrown. It is really crispy and light, compared to some other buffets that sometimes have it soggy as it sits in the hot plate. Another highlight is its really thick and fluffy french toast, it had a generous amount of eggs.
The staff in general are very friendly. We did run into a few small hiccups that the lovely Ms. Shahenda in the executive lounge addressed for us on multiple occasions. Upon check out, Mr. Youssef, the Room Manager, personally greeted us and took notes of the situation, which in turn gives me full confidence future guests will experience the smoothest service this hotel offers. As we are heading to other hotels, Mr. Youssef also sent a personal note to them to coordinate our arrival, which we very much appreciated.

JW Marriott Dubai

For a hotel that has 1600 rooms, JW Marriott Dubai did not disappoint in the service department. As soon as we arrived at the property, valet swiftly opened our doors, unloaded our luggage, provided claim ticket, and escorted us straight to the elite check-in counter. The check-in staff seemed really prepared for our arrival, from recognizing our names, knowing we came from Sheraton Grand, to highlighting our upgrade to the Deluxe Corner Suite with a view to the Burj, and congratulating on our anniversary, elite status, plus the details of the facilities at the hotel, the entire check-in process showed the property is a very well oiled machine in terms of its top notch service.
We were absolutely floored when we checked into our room. Needless to say, the beautiful towel arts, flower petals, and a prepared bubble bath in the luxurious suite already went beyond our expectation, but what blew us away was on the table in the living room, accompanying the chocolates and macaroon was a custom made card, with a photo of us. The team at JW coordinated with our previous stay at the Singapore St. Regis and obtained our photo to put up this surprise for us. In addition to all these extravagance, the team also included a nice JW braided reusable bag on the side.
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The club lounge's evening service had amazing food throughout our stay. I loved the laksa from the hot station one night, but the chicken tenders, satay beef, chicken quesadilla and shawarma are all great tasting. Staff at the lounge are very attentive, with the managers personally come over to thank us for our loyalty with Marriott. Furthermore, on our last day, the staff in the lounge collectively brought us another tiramisu cake to enjoy, and congratulated on our anniversary with a signed card.
JW Marriott Dubai stood out amongst all of our recent hotel stays with its over the top service, great food in the club lounge, and beautiful rooms. I cannot recommend this hotel more.

Al Maha, Luxury Collection

After a full week in the metropolis Dubai, we head out to the desert to experience Dubai's another side. Al Maha staff takes good care of us as soon as we arrive, first by valeting our car, unload our luggage, then welcomes us to an isolated room of the main reception for the check in process. We selected our included activities, enjoyed our welcome drinks, then went on our way to our suite.
The suite is unique in the sense that it has a tent-like ceiling, and perhaps the largest oversized king size bed I've ever slept in. Unfortunately the bed although comfortable, is too soft for my personal preference. We loved the chaise in front of the bed for us to sit and take in the view. The bathroom is quite roomy and comfortable. I loved the aesthetic design of the private pool, but there were a lot of bugs inside the pool so we didn't use it at all. It served well as a water source for nearby birds though.
The camel ride was really nice. the guides planned the tour well so by the time we arrived at the spot, the sun is just about to set, and they had a nice reception set up with refreshment and snacks. Back in the reception area during high tea, we tried the camel milk, let's just say it's an aquired taste.
The dining at this property was just out of this world. All the meals we had were amazing, with the dinner under the moonlight, breakfast in the air-conditioned restaurant, and lunch in the suite. Some of my favorites include the Omani Prawn, Al Maha Um Ali, and the Lamb Chops. All 3 locations are extremely romantic, I highly recommend for honeymooners.
Contrary to other reviewers, I personally felt a 1 night stay at Al Maha should suffice, since you really can't do anything outside from 9am to 5pm due to the extreme heat. For most of the day, we stayed in the suite and just relaxed and enjoyed the view, watching the animals come and go. It is a surreal experience to be in the middle of a desert with all the first world luxury available to us.

Summary

We thoroughly enjoyed almost all of our stays at the Marriott properties, and because of that stay at MBS, it further showed how far my elite status were recognized and honoured in all the other properties. What really blew me away was the collaborations between all the properties to make our trip extra special. It almost felt like the hotel staff travelled with us to the next destination. This experience has been so great that I would likely remain loyal to the Marriott brand for many years to come.

i’ve had my two cats, miku and chibi for 5 years. i love them more than anything they are my entire world. i’ve had cat allergies forever and it was really bad at the start but over time i adapted and would only have occasional flare ups.
suddenly for the past almost year everything’s gotten so much worse. i got diagnosed with chronic rhinitis, my nose is full of polyps, my nose is constantly draining, im always tired. its so miserable. im always sick. i go through boxes and boxes of tissues. i feel like im killing myself but i can’t rehome them. without them i wouldn’t know what to do.
i guess i just want to post and see if im not alone, i cry at even the thought of not having them with me. i don’t know what to do anymore. im scared it’ll only get worse, but i can’t bare the thought of losing my babies. i feel so helpless.

My friend who was driving threatened to leave me at a truck stop "if you don't stop crying over your damn cartoon characters."
Don't make the same mistake I did, kids. Suffer through this one in the privacy of your own home, with a Costco-sized box of tissues and your therapist on speed dial.

Just finished the series and went through at least a box of tissues with George’s funeral and the episode after. It started when they’re getting ready for the family picture and it didn’t end until the end of the last episode. I just couldn’t stop crying! 😭 It was beautiful!

Species: Dog Age: 6 months Sex: Spayed Female Breed: Yorkshire Terrier Body Weight: approx. 10lbs History: her and her sister got into a box of Kleenex tissues with aloe/moisturizers about 6 hours ago. I was at work and my husband discovered the carnage. Tissue everywhere. Unsure how much she may have eaten. Clinical Signs: Pale gums, wobbling while sitting and standing (very mild, still able to walk fine), lethargic, seems to be groaning a lot as if she just doesn’t feel well. She has thrown up once, what appeared to be mostly digested food. Duration: Noticed her feeling poorly about four hours after the incident, about two hours ago. General Location: North Alabama, USA
We are 100% willing to take her to an emergency vet, but want to make sure that’s even necessary first. I’ve been at work all day, but husband is fairly certain she couldn’t have gotten into anything else. I’ve got anxiety so I’m extremely worried and would personally like to take her right in, but husband is trying to stay calm and rational for us both and wants me to consult the internet for advice first. Please let me know if you need any other info!!!

Current Rankings: Extreme Girls, Sisters, Tennis Rivals, Ice Dancers, Father & Son, Goths, Police Cadets, Party Dudes, Fashion Bloggers, Villains, Jocks, Pranksters, Bulldogs, Rockers, Best Friends
Episode 10: New Beijinging
"Last time on The Ridonculous Race. We struck emotional gold in Dubai.”
“Carrie gave up on the game of love, the Bulldogs grinded each others’ rusty gears. And Kelly finally gave Taylor a timeout, which cost them the race. But hey, a healthy relationship with your daughter's worth a million bucks. Not! And last but not least, a new alliance was born.”
“Is it more than just an alliance? Your guess is as good as mine. But mine matters more because I'm on TV. This is the Ridonculous Race!"
(Roll the Credits)
Don was shown approaching the first team. "All right. It's time to say "bye-bye" to Dubai. Extreme Girls, you're up first. Ready? Go!"
The Extreme Girls ran to the Don Box, and received their tip. "Find your next tip at the world famous Bird's Nest Stadium,” France read the tip. “Never heard of it."
"Well it's right here in Beijing, China," Don said. "Home to twenty-five million people. Oddly enough, we'll see none of them."
Along with the Extreme Girls, the Sisters, Tennis Rivals, Ice Dancers, Father & Son, Goths, Police Cadets, Party Dudes, Fashion Bloggers, and Villains all got their tips and raced to the airport.
"The first eight teams grab their travel tips, taxis, and tickets, and get seats on the first flight to Beijing. The stragglers on flight two have an extra hour to talk strategy," Don narrated as the footage jumped to the second flight in the air.
Carrie sat beside Devin, who was asleep in the window seat. "Watching Devin sleep is so awesome. He sometimes mumbles the sweetest things," Carrie told the camera.
"Rainbow zebras took my wallet…" Devin mumbled.
Carrie chuckled awkwardly. "I said sometimes."
Rock was walking down the aisle, and caught sight of an opened bag of airplane peanuts on Carrie's tray.
"Hey Carrie," Rock asked Carrie in a hushed whisper, "since Dev's snoozing, I got to know. You going to make a move on that?" he pointed to the peanuts.
"What?" Carrie glanced at Devin, not noticing that Rock was actually talking about the peanuts before turning to Rock again. "Oh, well, Devin and I are friends."
"I know, but this opportunity isn't going to last forever," Rock said.
Carrie gasped, and grasped Rock's arm as he tried to reach for the peanuts. "That's what I keep thinking! The whole reason I entered this race was to show him we had a connection! Something special"
Outside Interview: Rock
Rock groaned. "I just wanted the peanuts."
Outside Interview: Carrie
Carrie sighed. "Oh, why didn't I just tell him I love him in Hawaii? But... when I force myself to face it, I'd rather let him have a life with Shelley than not be in my life at all."
Interviews End
Carrie watched Devin shift in his sleep, and he snapped awake.
"Oh, good. You're okay," Devin breathed in and out. "I had a dream that you and I lived in a treehouse and it caught fire and-"
"Just you and me? Living together?" Carrie questioned, a smile replacing her sad frown.
Devin smiled at her. "Yeah, well, uh, I was a three-headed tiger," Carrie quickly became confused, "and you were a monkey in a tuxedo, but it was you. Weird." He went back to sleep, not noticing her smile growing bigger.
"We… lived… together…" Carrie repeated before the plane slightly shook from Carrie squealing in delight.
A few seats back from the Best Friends, Spud sat listening to his headphones. Rock returned to his partner, and said, "I know our strategy was 'slow and steady', but-"
"Isn't our strategy to 'party on!'?" Spud questioned.
Rock imitated a game show's wrong answer buzzer and replied, "No, but we need a new strategy anyway so-"
"How about 'party on harder!'?" Spud offered.
"Spud, we gotta go faster, like- pshew!" Rock told him, mimicking a shooting bullet.
"Okay," Spud got out of his seat and approached the front of the plane, knocking Rock down on his butt in the process, "I'll tell the pilot."
"No, Spud! I meant- aw man!" Rock tried to stop him as he got back to his feet, eventually facepalming.
Outside Interview: Rockers
"I'm starting to think, like, maybe there's such thing as too easygoing," Rock thought out loud while Spud was listening to his headphones. "I got to find a way to motivate this guy."
Interview Ends
As Tom was reading a magazine, Jen sat on her knees and leaned over the back of her seat to see that Tammy was cleaning her ocarina while sitting next to a sleeping and snoring oxygen masked Max.
"So," Jen started to say, "great minds think alike?"
Tammy smiled as she glanced at her sleeping partner before looking back up at Jen. "I’m a heavy snorer myself, but Max is much worse than me, and I’m telling you because he can’t hear me."
The first flight landed in Beijing, and the teams boarded a bus that would take them to the Bird's Nest.
"Thanks for helping us with the windows yesterday," Kitty thanked the Extreme Girls.
"No problem," Paris smiled.
"Just don't expect us to cater to you. We have an alliance, but it's still a competition," Emma reminded them.
World Interview: Extreme Girls
"I guess we could allow the Sisters to take first this time around," France said with a smile.
"If it means getting them to trust us more in Kitty’s case and distrust us less in Emma’s, then sure," Paris agreed.
World Interview: Sisters
"Are you still upset about not winning the last challenge?" Kitty asked her sister.
"I am, but Paris and France helped us stay in the race," Emma responded.
"And Paris using her hair to wipe the windows was pretty unique," Kitty added. "I’d like to get to know more about them and their crazy stunts."
"You can be all buddy-buddy with them, but not me," Emma muttered. "Winning comes first."
Interviews End
The bus arrived at the stadium, and accidentally hit the Don Box while trying to stop, sending the tip holder flying a few feet away.
Jen was first to step off the bus. "There's the Don Box!" The Don Box laid on the sidewalk, half-broken and spewing out tips. She picked up one of the discarded tips and read from it, "It's an All-In!"
"'Fly over the Bird's Nest stadium and tandem jump through the donut hole to receive your next tip?'" Tom finished reading.
A cut from the sidewalk to a plane flying above Beijing showed the teams preparing to do the jump, and Max glanced out the window of their plane.
"That's the Doughnut? Highly unimpressive," Max remarked upon seeing where they had to land.
World Interview: Villains
"I wish we had an eating challenge today rather than tandem jumping,” Max grumbled.
“The last eating challenge was the one in Iceland where they served eyeballs and intestines!” Tammy grimaced. “Good thing we chose to pick out a fossil instead.”
“A valid point, sidekick," Max agreed.
“You know you can just call me by my name sometimes,” Tammy deadpanned.
Interview Ends
The Villains and Fashion Bloggers both wore tandem parachute packs. Tammy and Tom, the taller of the two, would be controlling their packs once they jumped.
"I don’t know why they didn’t provide us with helmets," Tom said.
World Interview: Fashion Bloggers
“I thought you weren’t a fan of them,” Jen wondered.
“Yeah, but this is skydiving of all things,” Tom explained. “I’d rather let a helmet ruin my hair than some strong winds.”
“Now that you say it, I want helmets as well,” Jen reconsidered.
Interview Ends
Josee kissed her lava rock, and started rubbing it all over herself. "I need all the luck this Hawaiian lava rock can bring me."
World Interview: Ice Dancers
"Yesterday, we came in fourth.” Josee rubbed her lava rock on Jacques, and Jacques giggled as the lava rock tickled his armpits. “We shouldn't be down in the dirt with the losers. We should tower above them like the goddesses we are!" Josee finished rubbing her rock on Jacques, and pulled her arm back after ruffling his face and hair. "Did that sound egotistical?"
Interview Ends
The door on the side of the plane opened as an alarm blared, signaling it was their time.
"Jump time! You ready?" Kitty asked the Pros.
"Hey, how hard could it be?" Paris quipped, and the two teams jumped out.
Both teams screamed for dear life, and Kitty and Paris eventually got out the parachutes. Doing their best to guide them into the Doughnut, they steered in its direction, but the teams were pushed away in a different direction.
France and Paris screamed as they crashed down onto a rickshaw. Emma and Kitty, on the other hand, slammed face first into a gong.
The other teams soon jumped out of the plane. Most of the teams landed inside the Doughnut, but a wayward drift caught some of the teams.
The Tennis Rivals landed in the stadium and smiled at each other, only to be crushed down by the Party Dudes.
"Yippee!" Brody cheered. Their joy lasted only briefly as Father & Son landed on top of them.
"Oh yeah!" Dwayne cheered, but was cut off by the Goths landing on them.
The Goths stared blankly as their parachute covered them like a blanket.
Still in the air, the Ice Dancers attempted to navigate into the stadium. "Over there! Over there!" Josee commanded.
"I know, Josee! It's just not-agh!" Jacques yelped as they crashed through a billboard with a donkey on it, Jacques having his head stuck out of where the donkey’s butt was supposed to be.
World Interview: Ice Dancers
"That's Jacques for you, always trailing behind," Josse commented with Jacques having part of the billboard around his neck. "But still, he's an asset to the team."
Interview Ends
The Extreme Girls and Sisters ran past the Bird's Nest. "Okay, this time, less screaming, more steering," Emma instructed her sister, both looking disheveled from their bad landing.
"I'll see what I can do, but no guarantees." Kitty replied.
The bus carrying the last five teams arrived, and they all hurried out.
"Come on!" Carrie shouted out.
"Hurry!" Bark added.
Spud had yet to exit the bus, forcing Rock to double back. "Spud, hey, Spud!" Rock called, pulling out a box and shaking it. "Want a choco oinkie?"
Spud got off the bus, took a sniff, and began to smile. Rock shook the box, and took off after the other teams, convincing Spud to chase him.
Outside Interview: Rockers
"New strategy. Spud loves choco oinkies. He'd do anything for one," Rock explained with a smile as he held the box of choco oinkies in one hand.
"Chocolate-covered pork-rindy goodness…" Spud stated, almost hypnotized.
"So I cleaned out the airport vending machine;" Rock took out a choco oinkie. "This will make him up the pace."
Spud eyed the snack, and immediately bit Rock's hand for it. Rock screamed in pain.
Interview Ends
The Party Dudes, Tennis Rivals, Goths, and Father & Son all ran to the Don Box placed in the stadium.
Slamming the button on top, Geoff snatched the tip from the machine. "It's another All-In," he told the others.
A cut to a local vendor out in Beijing showed Don approaching the shop. "An All-In with a twist," Don said. "To receive their next tip from this vendor, one team member must assemble and deep fry a skewer of Beijing street food. And their partner has to eat it. Who's gonna scarf it and who's gonna barf it? Find out when we return on... The Ridonculous Race!"
(Commercial Break)
The front-running teams ran to the shop, and Geoff and Brody stopped by the counter.
"So, what's good today, dude? Are the crickets fresh?" Brody asked the old lady in charge. The old lady held up a cricket, which chirped in response.
Crimson and Ennui ran straight for a crate, and Crimson immediately pulled the lid off, allowing a swarm of bats to fly out.
World Interview: Goths
"Bats are like the most beautiful creatures on Earth. I had to set them free," Crimson stated while the bats flew around.
Interview Ends
Jacques and Josee once more parachuted out of a plane, and were able to make a successful drop into the stadium. As they landed, Jacques bent his foot the wrong way.
"Ah! My ankle!" he cried out in pain.
Outside Interview: Josee
Jacques hopped on one foot in the background, cradling his injured ankle.
"Why is Jacques so clumsy today?!" Josee questioned, giving her partner the stink eye from the foreground. She turned her attention to the camera while crossing her arms. "Don't give him any sympathy. You'll just encourage him."
Interview Ends
Josee ran towards the Don Box, but stopped to turn to Jacques, who was hopping after her, still cradling his ankle. "Snap out of it! Our fans are watching! Eat the pain!" She snarled at him, and put on a smile. "And smile!" Keeping the smile on her face, she went to the Don Box.
Taking Josee's advice, Jacques put on a pained smile, let go of his foot, and followed her. “Okay!”
Behind them, Devin and Carrie landed in the stadium.
"That was incredible! Woo!" Carrie cheered, unbuckling her harness. Devin, frozen in terror from the drop, fell over.
World Interview: Best Friends
"I am not great with heights or falling from them, which I think is reasonable," Devin said nervously, but then relaxed and smiled at Carrie. "I'm just really glad Carrie was there to see me through it? Shelley? Pfft. She would've totally bailed."
"Hey, what's that?" Carrie pointed off-screen past Devin.
Devin turned to see what she was pointing at. "What's what?"
Behind his back, Carrie grinned wildly until Devin began to turn around again. She regained her composure, and shrugged. "Oh, uh, guess it was nothing."
Interview Ends
The Jocks and Pranksters went through their jump, and successfully made it inside the Doughnut.
"So, what’s your favorite sport outside of-" Val asked Usain as they began to land, but was cut off by her and Windsor flopping to the ground as their parachute covered them.
World Interview: Pranksters
"Don’t blame me for your conversation getting ruined. I was simply the one in front of you," Windsor immediately said.
"Well, now I’ll never know about Usain’s favorite sport," Val frowned.
"Usain is a jock, but football would be an obvious answer," Windsor replied.
"I'm just trying to get to know him so I can ask her out without looking so needy and desperate," Val said.
"What can I do to help?" Windsor asked.
Val thought for a moment. "Other than not embarrassing me in front of Usain, nothing. I don’t want you to chase him away with your pranks," she scowled at Windsor, causing the younger girl to cringe.
Interview Ends
The Bulldogs and the Rockers made it into the Doughnut as well.
"Nice going, Bite! You didn't suck out there," Bark mocked his teammate as they ran to the Don Box with a smile.
"And you weren't being a stool, Bark," Bite shot him an equally mocking smile.
"We did it! Oink me!" Spud told Rock, eager to get a snack.
Rock took off the parachute, and removed the box of choco oinkies from a compartment of the pack. "Not until we're out of last place."
“Aw, come on,” Spud complained.
“Fine. Go get it!” Rock chucked a choco oinkie across the stadium.
“I'll get it! I'll get it!” Spud chased after it.
World Interview: Rockers
“My mom says I'm a light eater,” Spud explained. “When the lights go on, I start eating.”
Interview Ends
The teams continued to prepare their skewers. The Goths already had theirs prepared, and Crimson was eating it, but she looked ready to barf. The Tennis Rivals were investigating a crate, and were caught off-guard when a large snake wrapped itself around Gerry's neck. Father & Son ran from the bats that Crimson had freed earlier, and Max accidentally let go of the skewer he was deep frying, causing him to start over.
As the Best Friends ran past them, the Fashion Bloggers didn’t look particularly ready to eat something so disgusting.
Jen looked at her partner concernedly. "Uh, I don't think I can-" She wasn't able to finish her sentence as her cheeks bulged.
Tom frowned. "It's okay. I'll eat it. You skewer up some worms, and-" Jen ran off-screen, and vomited. "I can't even say 'worms'?" Tom asked, and he got a reply in the form of Jen retching some more, making him cringe at the sound.
Outside Interview: Fashion Bloggers
Tom and a pale Jen stood off to the side of the shop, and Jen was holding a bucket.
"When we were kids, Jen tripped over a curb and swallowed," Tom covered Jen's ears and continued softly, "a worm. She barfed for six days straight afterwards." He let go of her ears.
"Were you talking about worms?" Jen asked.
"Yes?" Tom answered hesitantly, and Jen retched into her bucket. "Yeah, I walked into that one."
Interview Ends
Dwayne was shown trying to catch a scorpion with his skewer but failing. “Come on, stay still, will you?” he griped. “Sneaky little rascals. Yeah, maybe I'll just grab one.”
Dwayne reached in, only for the vendor to pull his arm and prevent him. “Don't you worry about me. I'll be quick as a panther. Just you-”
He put his arm in again, and he was rapidly stung by the scorpions, much to Junior's horror. When Dwayne took his hand out, he shook away all of the scorpions.
One of the scorpions landed on Jacques’ face, forcing him to scream. “Kill it, Josee!”
“Stand still!” Josee ordered before she punched all sides of his head in order to get the scorpion off.
Bite skewered up one last creature, a starfish, and held up the skewer. "Alright! Time to cook!" Running the skewer over to the deep fryer, Bite stuck it in as Bark watched.
"Make sure not to burn it!" Bark advised. "I don’t want my tongue getting burned."
Outside Interview: Bulldogs
"I did the eating challenge in Morocco, so it was only fair that Bark here ate the scorpions and worms," Bite explained, then frowned. “I am a wee bit jealous that he’ll get to eat them and not me.”
Interview Ends
“Are you okay, dad?” Junior asked Dwayne, who’s left hand was swollen and had a goofy expression on his face.
“Oh, of course I am, Mr. President. Did you?” Dwayne mumbled before falling back down.
“Perfect,” Junior deadpanned.
Outside Interview: Father & Son
“The medic says it'll wear off eventually, but we can't just wait around or we'll get eliminated!” Junior spoke, unaware of Dwayne starting to wander off. “Looks like I'm in charge. Again.” He soon realized that Dwayne had left. “Oh no! Come back here!”
Interview Ends
“How are you feeling?” Josee checked up on her Jacques, who was sitting on the ground and feeling dizzy.
“I can't feel my face,” Jacques answered.
“Good!” Josee smiled. She took out her skewer with the food already on it, grabbed Jacques's hair, and stuffed the food into his mouth. She even forced him to swallow them whole.
“Done!” Josee cheered once the job was done and Jacques went off to hurl. “We're in first place!”
The vendor gave Josee their next tip. "It's a Botch or Watch. Whoever didn't dive for rings in Hawaii…"
"…must pull their teammate by rickshaw all the way here to the Great Wall of China, using only this rudimentary map," Don explained, standing on the wall and holding a map identical to the ones the teams would be using. "Last team to find the Chill Zone hidden somewhere along the wall, and check in, could be checking out."
Jacques got in a rickshaw while Josee pulled it, and Jacques bid farewell to the other teams. "Au revoir!"
"Hustle!" MacArthur ordered while Sanders took the front.
Brody whooped as he took the front of the third rickshaw.
"Three teams have moved on. Jen, you need to start skewering if-" Tom told Jen, but was interrupted when she ran off to barf in her bucket some more.
Meanwhile, Max was assembling a skewer for Tammy in the background. The Villains had stopped what they were doing to watch the three teams advance to the next challenge, and turned their attention to the sound of Jen hurling. They cringed at the sight off-screen.
“Shouldn't we try and help them?” Tammy asked.
“And be penalized? We may be alliance mates, but that host man will certainly punish us,” Max replied.
“I guess you do have a point there,” Tammy considered.
The Pranksters and Jocks all finally arrived.
"I prep, you eat!" Usain told Lightning.
"Why does Lightning have to eat?" Lightning asked.
"Because you picked the spices for me," Usain took a skewer, and quickly assembled an assortment for his partner.
Having watched the Sisters, Val turned to Windsor. "I prep, you eat! Not a question!"
"Wow," Usain said in response to Val's assertiveness.
World Interview: Pranksters
"I figure," Val began to say, "if I act strong and assertive, he'll see that I'm the girl for him. I've got this all figured out," she smiled confidently.
Interview Ends
Usain gave Val a flat look. "You should be less hard on your partner. She is 13, you know." Val's smile towards her fell upon hearing his response.
World Interview: Pranksters
"How is this so hard?" Val facepalmed.
"Now do you want my help, Valentine?" Windsor teased.
Val raised an eyebrow. "How could you possibly help?"
"I know from your experience how to make Usain like you. Don't act like someone you're not, and don't act like a bumbling mess around him," Windsor lectured. “Both are embarrassing to watch.”
Val sent the camera an unamused gaze.
Interview Ends
Val assembled a skewer, and joined Usain in deep frying.
"So, uh…" Val chuckled awkwardly, "deep fry skewers often?"
"Not really, no," Usain responded with a flat look.
World Interview: Jocks
"Deep fry skewers often? Seriously? Is that the best she can do?" Usain asked.
"I'm sure she's just trying her best,” Lightning reasoned. “I never thought that a girl as beautiful as Val would have trouble flirting."
Interview Ends
Bark finished eating, and threw the skewer in the trash. "Done!" he said.
"Alright!" Bite cheered, and accepted the tip from the vendor. She glanced over at the rickshaws. "Looks like a Botch or Watch. You dived for the ring in Hawaii, so it's your turn."
"Okay, let's go," Bark agreed, and they went to get a rickshaw.
Carrie and Devin looked in a crate, and saw that a snake was curled up in the shape of a heart.
"Aw, look Devin," Carrie smiled at Devin, "It must be a sign."
Devin smiled back, and was randomly attacked by the snake biting at his face.
Meanwhile, Spud attempted to skewer a starfish. Rather than skewer it down the middle, he tried skewering one of the starfish's arms. "Whoa, if I had that many arms, I could play guitar, drums, and bass all at the same time."
"Man, hurry up," Rock urged his partner.
Outside Interview: Rockers
"I think a choco oink would really help me pick it up, you know?" Spud prompted.
Rock raised a challenging eyebrow, and took out a choco oink. "Yeah, one of these? Sure hope there's some left when we aren't in last place." He curled the snack up in his fist.
"You can't do-" Spud gasped.
"Can't what?" Rock prodded, crushing the choco oink in his fist into crumbs.
Spud screamed in horror, and bent down to the sidewalk to eat the crumbs.
Interview Ends
"There!" Jacques pointed at the approaching Great Wall. "First place, here we come! Yes!"
Unbeknownst to the Ice Dancers, a banana peel was lying in their path. They were so focused on reaching the wall that Josee stepped on the peel, and slipped, propelling the rickshaw forward without her. Jacques screamed as the transport spiraled out of control, and got stuck on a rock, launching him into the air and onto the wall. "My ankle!"
Val and Usain's skewers were finally ready, and they handed them to their respective partners.
While Windsor took modest bites of her skewer, Lightning opened his mouth, and stuck the whole skewer in, pulling it out clean. After a couple chews, he swallowed. "Done!"
"Are you serious?" Windsor asked after swallowing a bit.
Lightning pointed to Windsor's skewer. "You gonna finish that?"
Bite pulled Bark along, and the latter looked a little worse for wear. Bite noticed this as well.
"Um, are you okay?" she questioned.
Bark put on his best smile. "Never better. Just a little full from the skewer-" Bark was interrupted by his cheeks bulging mid-answer, and he hurled on the side of the road.
Outside Interview: Bite
Bark was hunched over on the side of the road, puking into the grass. Bite stood in the foreground near the camera.
"Yeah, that could've been me blowing chunks if he ate the stew and I had to eat the fried food," Bite admitted.
Interview Ends
The Party Dudes and Police Cadets arrived at the Great Wall, and were stuck with two different directions.
"Which way?" Sanders pondered.
"Should we split up?" Geoff asked.
Brody smiled, and slung an arm around MacArthur. "Good idea. I'll go with MacArthur!"
"Dude, I meant one team goes right and the other team goes left," Geoff explained.
World Interview: Police Cadets
"It's not Brody's fault he's crushing on me,” MacArthur smirked. “Doctors say my pheromones are stronger than a jet engine built by grizzly bears."
"What?" Sanders raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't even make sense."
MacArthur snorted. "Oh, right. ‘Cause you're a bear expert."
Interview Ends
(Commercial Break)
Josee and Jacques stopped running along the Great Wall's path, and looked both ways the wall went, not sure which way they're supposed to go.
"Which way?" Josee panted.
Jacques growled as he held up the map to observe it. "This map is useless!"
Josee snatched the map out of his hand, took out her lava rock and gave it a kiss, and then rubbed the rock on the map. "I'll let luck decide." She pocketed her charm, and tossed the map up in the air, letting it get caught by the wind. "Chill Zone, here we come!" The Ice Dancers ran off, pursuing their map.
"Five more teams have finished the eating challenge, leaving our last two skewered up teams," Don narrated as the Goths, Tennis Rivals, Father & Son, Best Friends, Sisters, and Extreme Girls got their tips. Tammy struggled to eat her skewer, while Spud and Jen had yet to deep fry theirs.
Jen came back from another round of vomiting, and Tom took the skewer. "Stand aside. I'm cooking," he said, skewering some worms in the crate.
"But I can't do the eating…" Jen groaned as Tom went over to the fryer.
Outside Interview: Fashion Bloggers
"But it's not chicken," Jen protested, holding her bucket in front of her.
"Doesn't matter. Say it like you mean it over and over. Make your mind believe it's chicken," Tom encouraged her.
"Okay… it's chicken. It's chicken. It's chicken. It's chicken!" Jen started to believe it every time she recited the mantra, and eventually dropped the bucket to the ground.
Interview Ends
Tom finished deep frying, and handed it over to Jen.
"It's chicken… it's chicken… it's chicken…" Jen bit into the skewer.
"That's it! Now taste the chicken!" Tom cheered her on.
Spud ran over to Rock with a skewer ready to eat. "I can has choco oink?" he asked as Rock took the skewer.
"No, dude, we're still in last," Rock stated. He took a glance at the skewer, and his cheeks bulged.
World Interview: Rockers
"Once, I ate deep fried tofu. I was like blegh, and this was all like krkrkrkrkrk," Rock explained, imitating a twitch while Spud watched on.
Interview Ends
Tammy swallowed, and winced. "Done!" She and Max took their tip, and ran off to the next part of the challenge.
Lightning flexed his muscles as Usain pulled their cart along. "So why are you shooting Val down?"
"It's a competition. Relationships can mess it up and we need the money," Usain responded as he ran.
"Lightning hasn't forgotten about that man," Lightning responded. “All I'm sayin’ is-”
"Get it over with so that you and me can beat them? No can do. You can't rush love," Usain replied, ending the discussion.
As they went along the road, their wheel hit a large rock, and wobbled off the cart, unbalancing the Jocks and they screamed while they crashed. Usain saw their wheel rolling away. "Our wheel!"
Moments later, Val and Windsor came around, Windsor accidentally running over the wheel and crushing it. "It's destroyed! We're going to be eliminated," Lightning began to panic when the Pranksters stopped next to them.
"Hey, you guys need a hand?" Windsor inquired.
Val got out of the rickshaw, and walked over to the Jocks. "Hi, Usain. Act normal." Val closed her eyes, and they shot open in realization. "That part wasn't supposed to be out loud. I was talking to myself."
"Just stop," Usain pleaded.
"Okay!" Val quickly shut up.
Bark and Bite stopped in the middle of the Great Wall, looking both ways.
"Which way should we go?" Bite asked.
Holding his stomach, Bark replied, "You decide. I'm still recovering from that vomiting episode."
Bite looked around to see if anything could be a clue. Eventually, she found nothing, and just pointed off to her right. "We're going this way."
On another part of the Great Wall, the Party Dudes and the Police Cadets were still running to their left.
"This has got to be wrong. We should turn around," Sanders spoke up.
"180! Let's do it!" Geoff agreed enthusiastically. Both teams quickly did a U-Turn, and started going back the way they came. "Oh yeah!" he whooped.
Usain and Windsor ran side by side, pulling their rickshaws at the same speed.
Usain glanced back for a second. "Is this too fast, Val?"
"Nope," Val denied. "It's good." She was standing on the seat of her and Windsor's rickshaw, hunched over the side and holding the part of Usain and Lightning's rickshaw that once held their missing wheel.
"Doesn't that hurt?" Lightning asked as he watched her.
"Oh yeah. I'm in pain, but Usain's very hot," Val answered, causing both Jocks to smile. "That was out loud again, wasn't it?"
At the Chill Zone, Don smiled upon seeing the first team to arrive.
"Bulldogs, first time arriving at the Chill Zone first! Congrats!" Don congratulated the team.
"Alright! We did it, laddie!" Bite cheered.
Bark groaned while straining to smile. "Cheers. I think I need to use the restroom or something." He walked away from the Carpet of Completion, still holding his stomach. Bite, who was frowning in concern, followed after him.
The Jocks and Pranksters reached the Great Wall, and walked to their right, the camera's left.
Glancing at Val, Usain asked, "How's your hand?"
Smiling at her crush, Val answered, "It's fine," she held up her left hand while frowning. "This one, not so much." Her left hand was red and swollen.
"I'm good at massaging. Give me your hand." Taking hold of Val's hand in both of his, Usain held it and massaged it to get the swelling down. "What you did was really cool. Does this feel better?"
"It's actually really painful," Val began to say, prompting Usain to stop, "but don't stop. Oh no, was that out loud?"
Lightning smiled. "You didn't say anything." Beside him, Windsor smiled as well.
"Oh, good."
Jacques and Josee continued to run down the Great Wall's path, and gasped when they saw the Police Cadets and Party Dudes coming their way.
"If they're coming towards us," Jacques realized as he turned to Josee, "then we're going the wrong way!" He and Josee panicked, and immediately turned around, running just a few feet ahead of the other two teams.
Outside Interview: Junior
Dwayne was in the background standing in front of the rickshaw, though his pants were down.
“My dad has to pull the rickshaw?” Junior moaned in the foreground.
“No problem, Santa! I'll pull your sleigh,” Dwayne said until he noticed that his boxers were showing. “Where are my legs?!” he yelled.
Interview Ends
France grunted as she pulled Paris in the rickshaw.
"Just imagine that you're being chased by the pack of dogs from Mr. Yank's house," Paris encouraged.
"Too bad they aren't here!" France said.
Just a few feet behind them, Emma was pulling Kitty.
"I feel so-!" Kitty almost retched. "Are we almost at the Great Wall?"
Emma continued to stare ahead, but answered her partner. "I think so. I think I can see it up ahead."
Rock finished putting a wheel that had fallen off back on the rickshaw. "There. That should hold it until-" Rock stopped as he turned around to see Spud eating the choco oinks. "Seriously? Did you just down all the choco oinks?"
"Maybe," Spud answered.
"I needed those to motivate you!" Rock complained.
"To eat them all? Done!" Spud threw the empty box over his shoulder.
"It's not like it matters anyway. You're not the one pulling the rickshaw," Rock told him.
World Interview: Rockers
"A few years ago, Spud ate a whole box of chocolate covered coffee beans," Rock recalled.
"Yeah, I did over three thousand consecutive power slides," Spud added.
"Yeah man," Rock agreed. "It was all whzow, wah, and pshoom!"
Interview Ends
Tom began to run, towing the rickshaw behind him.
“Are you sure you're going to be fine Jen?” Tom checked on his partner, who was beginning to recover.
"Ask me later Tom. Keep pulling the rickshaw," Jen said.
At the Chill Zone, the Pranksters and Jocks were debating who should step on it first.
"Only one team can come in second," Don reminded them.
"You two can go," Val gestured for the Jocks to go ahead of her and Windsor.
Lightning began to step onto the Carpet of Completion, but was stopped by Usain holding out his arm.
"I would accept, but you girls should take this one. You did swell up your hand for us," Usain reasoned, smiling at Val meaningfully.
"I like you," Val told him with a smile back.
"Do you want me to change my mind?" Usain laughed.
World Interview: Pranksters
"You know you're on good terms with a team of competitive jocks when they allow you to win," Windsor joked while Val watched her with a smile.
Interview Ends
“We almost done delivering the presents?” Dwayne wondered while pulling Junior.
“Presents?” Junior asked in surprise. “Oh, right. Ho, ho, ho!”
"Go, Max! You can do it!" Tammy cheered as Max pulled her before the Rockers and Fashion Bloggers passed them.
Josee found herself twitching as she screeched "Fourth again?!" Beside her, Jacques glared at Don.
"Yes, fourth always comes after third,” Don said. “The numbers are sequential."
World Interview: Ice Dancers
Josee could be heard raging, and breaking stuff off-screen. Jacques sat in front of the camera, smiling hesitantly while giving thumbs-up, carefully dodging objects flying past him.
Interview Ends
"Fifth!" Police Cadets. "Sixth!" Party Dudes. "Seventh!" Goths. "Eighth!" Tennis Rivals. "Ninth!" Best Friends. "Tenth!" Sisters. "Eleventh!" Extreme Girls. "Twelfth!" Father & Son.
"There's the Chill Zone!" Tom cheered and ran for it.
Behind him, Jen started to feel woozy. "Ohhh… that was not chicken…" she moaned and then threw up on the back of Tom’s head, forcing him to scream and trip on his feet, preventing them from moving forward and allowing the Rockers and Villains to run past them.
"Thirteenth!" Don awarded to the Rockers. "Fourteenth!" he said to the Villains.
The Fashion Bloggers got on the Carpet of Completion, Jen wiping her vomit off of Tom with a tissue.
"Fashion Bloggers," Don informed Jen and Tom, "I'm afraid you're the last team to arrive."
"Aw… we were so close," Jen moaned.
It was then that the Villains came onto the Carpet. “So it would appear that you two will be departing,” Max said.
“Afraid so,” Tom nodded.
“Sorry we can't continue our partnership,” Jen said, “but hopefully we can see each other after the race.”
“That would be nice,” Tammy smiled. “I've never told Max this, but I've watched your blog, and I'm a huge fan.”
“Why did you not tell me, sidekick?” Max shot a look her way. “You should know that-”
“We'll promote jumpsuits on our blog when we get home,” Jen assured him.
“As a way of making both of you happy,” Tom added. “They're really appealing.”
Max's anger evaporated after hearing that. “In that case, I'm letting this slide, Tammy,” he smiled and walked away with Tammy. “Until we meet again.”
“Bye guys,” Jen waved at them while she and Tom smiled.
“I wouldn't call this a failure in any way,” Tom said as their montage played. “We so kicked butt.”
“We nearly died so many times on that skywalk, in that geyser field, oh, on that vine,” Jen recalled. “But we totally did it.”
“Yay us,” Tom cheered.
“Doing this race is a huge test of how strong your friendship is. And I think we did great,” Jen said.
“Greater than great,” Tom agreed.
“Sorry about puking on you earlier,” Jen added as they were walking home. “I'll use some of my money to get you a new shirt.”
“That's generous, but I think it can be spent on my dime instead,” Tom refused politely.
(Roll the Credits)
Stepbrothers - Chet & Lorenzo - 21st
Geniuses - Ellody & Mary - 20th
Vegans - Laurie & Miles - 19th
Adversity Twins - Jay & Mickey - 18th
Daters - Ryan & Stephanie - 17th
Mother & Daughter - Kelly & Taylor - 16th
Fashion Bloggers - Jen & Tom - 15th
Current Rankings: Bulldogs, Pranksters, Jocks, Ice Dancers, Police Cadets, Party Dudes, Goths, Tennis Rivals, Best Friends, Sisters, Extreme Girls, Father & Son, Rockers, Villains

Current Rankings: Party Dudes, Best Friends, Ice Dancers, Jocks, Sisters, Extreme Girls, Pranksters, Father & Son, Police Cadets, Tennis Rivals, Bulldogs, Goths, Rockers, Mother & Daughter, Villains, Fashion Bloggers
Episode 9: Hello and Dubai
"Last time on the Ridonculous Race. Our teams took a blistering stroll through Hawaii.”
The Party Dudes showed some love as they took first place. Josee found a new good luck charm, Kelly told Taylor she's not that chipotle after all, and Usain's heart ain't into love that much.”
“But it was all eyes on the Fashion Bloggers, who made an alliance with the Villains and arrived last. They found out it was a non-elimination round, so their alliance stays.”
“Let the madness continue. This is the Ridonculous Race!"
(Theme Song)
"Welcome back to The Ridonculous Race, where our racers are ready to say "aloha" to Hawaii. Our Surfer Dudes came in first," Don said as the Sport Heads arrived at the Don Box.
"Woo! Dibs on first tip!" Geoff cheered.
Outside Interview: Party Dudes
"I don't know what's crazier," Geoff said. "That we're in first or that we're not in last."
"Dude. Deep," Brody smiled.
Interview Ends
Brody pressed the button and received the tip. "We're going to... D-Debay-e?" he pronounced the location confusingly.
"Or as it's more commonly known... Dubai! An oasis of luxury, man-made islands, and a mall so big, even teenagers get lost," Don informed as he stood in front of a shuttle bus. "Once here, teams must bus to Burj Al Arab, the world's only seven-star hotel, to find the next Don Box."
"Taxi!" Geoff raised his hand and summoned a cab.
The scene cut to the airport, where the check-in receptionist was preparing a cup of coffee and was about to drink it when the first seven teams got inside and waited in line.
"Dubai, please!" Geoff told the receptionist.
The receptionist typed on his computer. "Flight leaving now time… fourteen seat. Rest on next flight."
The first seven teams cheered just as Father & Son arrived.
"Alright! We made it!" Dwayne celebrated.
Junior frowned. "Count again."
Dwayne started to look around. "Two, four-" he counted and facepalmed. "Darn it!"
Outside Interview: Father & Son
"Already tied for last. Yay," Junior said without enthusiasm.
"Don't count us out yet, kiddo," Dwayne said. "Last time, we were on the first flight, and it got delayed. Remember?"
Interview Ends
"While the last nine teams wait to board their flight out," Don explained as the nine teams waited for their tickets, "the first seven are about to fly Air Dubai, with the world's most opulent first class section… for winners only."
The first seven teams were inside the first plane, and while those that placed second to seventh passed a hot tub behind them, the Party Dudes ran towards the tub in their swimsuits.
"Cannonball!" Geoff shouted before he and Brody jumped into the tub.
Brody took a chocolate chip cookie from a plate next to them and took a bite. "Mmm, cookie?" Brody asked.
Jacques saw what was going on. "May we?" he asked before the flight attendant pushed him into the economy section, and closed the curtain.
Brody shrugged. "Guess not."
Jacques growled as he turned to Josee. "That hot tub should be ours. How did we place third?!"
"As my mother always says, "Bronze is the medal of failure!". But, mama, our luck is about to change," Josee took out her lava rock.
"You replaced your lost lucky rabbit's foot with a pretty rock. Our luck is bound to improve!" Jacques said before the luggage compartment over him broke open, and he was hit by a lot of luggage.
"Forged from lava, this stone embodies my fiery determination to win!" Josee gleamed before cackling villainously.
"You mean our determination to win?" Jacques asked from the floor.
"Hmm?" Josee looked down. "Oh yeah, sure."
"Both flights are headed for Dubai," Don said over the map focusing on the first flight leaving Hawaii, "one an hour ahead of the other. It'll be a quick flight-" Don was interrupted by his earpiece. "What? Seventeen hours? Wow. Well, plenty of time to rest and enjoy each other's company."
The Villains and Fashion Bloggers were shown at the back of the line. “I can't wait to go to that mall after today's challenge,” Jen said enthusiastically.
“Me too,” Tom smiled. “I heard about the Gold Sioux over there and every single thing is filled with gold.”
“If that's the case, then there better be a crown for me to take home,” Max sneered.
World Interview: Villains
“You do know that you'll have to pay for that crown if we happen to see it, and I’m pretty sure that you’ll get tackled by security if you try and steal it,” Tammy said to him.
“Preposterous!” Max grumbled. “When we win the million dollars, I’m going back to Dubai and purchasing that thing!”
“I’m not saying that you have to do it immediately-” Tammy tried to say.
“Silence, sidekick!” Max hushed her.
Confessional Ends
The scene cut to the first flight, where the buckle seat belt light was blinking repeatedly above the Pranksters.
“Seriously Windsor, put your seatbelt on,” Val chided her partner. “You know the rule about safety.”
“I know Val,” Windsor said as the camera zoomed out to show her trying to fasten her seatbelt. “But I think my stupid seatbelt is broken! I don’t hear that click!”
“Well I'm not going to let you sit on my lap,” Val said. “I like my space the way it is.”
Outside Interview: Windsor
“I'd be stupid if I didn't buckle my seatbelt in,” Windsor said. “After all, I'm a self-admitted troublemaker, not a numbskull juvenile delinquent.”
Interview Ends
"Hey, you want the window seat?" Lightning offered to Usain.
Usain glanced across the aisle, and smiled at what he saw. "I'm gonna pass."
Lightning followed his gaze, and smirked once he realized Usain was looking at Val. "But don’t you always sit in the window seat?" he teased his little buddy. "Lightning sees that as strange."
“People can change, Lightning,” Usain quoted. “It's natural.”
Meanwhile, Kitty was in the middle of talking to her sister.
"I was thinking we should form an alliance with like, I don't know,” Kitty peered over her sister's seat. “France and Paris."
World Interview: Sisters
"I have enough trouble keeping this one on track," Emma said, pointing to her sister beside her. "With a whole other team to worry about, I wouldn't be able to ride her as much."
Kitty rolled her eyes. "Yep. We really need an alliance."
Interview Ends
The Sisters glanced at the Extreme Girls, who were blocking out everything around them by listening to music through headphones.
"Paris and France are totally wild,” Emma told her sister. “It's bad enough that I already have to live with someone like that."
Kitty glanced away from her sister as she sarcastically said "Isn't that obvious." Emma threw her a look, and Kitty recovered quickly. "But they are pretty good at the game. They got second place in Paris, France, and unless we want a bad reputation, we have to make friends in the game. You know I'm right."
Back with the Pranksters, Windsor was still struggling with her seatbelt until she gave up. “That's the third time. I'm just gonna wait for a stewardess to come and fix this thing.”
"I'm going to use the toilet. Be right back," Val got up to do just that when she met Usain in the aisle, and they exchanged a small smile.
The scene transitioned to the teams on the second flight, Bite currently graffitiing the window seat with her gray spray can and the cloud dispersed to reveal that she was making a skull and crossbones.
"Ay Bark! Lend me your spray can!" Bite said. “Mine's about to run out.”
Bark, who was picking his nose, shrugged and pulled it out of his pocket. "Don’t waste any of mine, you hear?"
“I care about our atmosphere. I’m not going to suffocate us,” Bite assured and resumed spray painting.
Taylor leaned over the top of their seats and shot them an irritated glare. "Can you stop? My nostrils are burning up!"
Bite rolled her eyes. “Fine. I’ll just go someplace else,” she groaned. “You’re lucky we’re still on the ground.”
Taylor sat back down, facing away from her mother. "I like how you handled that, honey." Kelly praised her.
"Oh, do I get a fake trophy for it?" Taylor shot back, rolling her eyes.
World Interview: Mother & Daughter
"Honey, I feel terrible about this," Kelly tried to say.
"Oh, then all is forgiven,” Taylor said with a fake smile before retorting “Psyche! That means it isn't."
Interview Ends
"Mom, I need some space. I'm giving you a time-out," Taylor told her mother.
"I'm not sure it works like that," Kelly pointed out.
In response, Taylor drew a huge breath, and began to hold it.
Kelly stopped her by standing up. "Okay, sure." She left their seats, and walked up the aisle, where she found Dwayne and Junior with an empty seat. "Is this seat taken?"
"Uh, no, no," Dwayne stammered. "But uh, I am. Married"
Junior sighed. "She's not into you, Dad."
"Oh, sorry," Dwayne apologized.
"No problem." Kelly slid into the seat. "I'm just having some... family issues right now. It all started back when Taylor was..."
As Kelly was talking, Dwayne paid attention to her.
Outside Interview: Father & Son
"Play our cards right, pal, and this could be our first alliance. Great, huh?" Dwayne told Junior.
"Uh, have you met them?!" Junior said incredulously.
Interview Ends
"And I guess I shouldn't have told her the truth," Kelly finished.
Dwayne answered, "Oh yeah, our opinions mean a lot to them. Uh, one time, Junior made pancakes for mother's day and I said they were overdone. He almost cried."
Kelly smiled. "I had the exact same thing happen with Taylor! Except I was the one making pancakes for her, and she threw them at me! And the pan."
Dwayne, feeling awkward, gave a half-hearted chuckle. "Oh. Uh, well, that's kids for you."
The scene cut to Lightning and Windsor watching Usain and Val talk to each other from their seats.
"Those guys need to loosen up a bit sometimes, am I right, kid?" Lightning commented as they listened to their partners.
"I'm in my early teens, but yeah," Windsor agreed. “Why are they not together already?”
"You didn't see it, but Val was a bit of a mess when she asked the Lightning about Usain," Lightning explained, “and Usain's not ready to date in the competition.”
"How come?" Windsor questioned.
"We're both used to bein’ bachelors all our lives," Lightning said. “Usain thinks that having a girl in his life would mess things up for him.”
"Oh," Windsor said in disappointment.
"We gotta get them together," Lightning declared with a glance back at their partners. “The faster it's done, the better.”
“I’m not able to completely understand your train of thought, but I’m with you,” Windsor smiled and fist bumped him.
"Flight number one has landed in Dubai,” Don said as the flight landed, and the scene cut to the bus arriving at the hotel, “and the teams are being shuttled to the Burj Al Arab."
Paris took a tip from the Don Box. "Either Or. Serve or Squeegee."
Up above on the top of the hotel, Don explained the challenge. "Teams can either return one serve each from the world's toughest ball launcher, The Tennis Menace, or wash an entire column of windows from the top down." A squeegee sitting precariously on the edge of a window-washer platform fell off, and fell to the ground. It fell fast enough that it burst into flames, and turned to ash upon impact with the ground.
Seeing this, Don put a finger up to his ear piece, "Are you sure legal cleared this?" A reply warbled over static. "Really?"
(Commercial Break)
"Welcome back to the Ridonculous Race. The teams from flight one were the first to arrive at the hotel, and have the choice of either-" Don explained.
"Serve," Geoff decided.
"Or," Don added.
"Squeegee. Let's go!" Paris declared, running into the hotel to use the elevator. France and the Sisters followed suit.
Along with the Party Dudes, the Ice Dancers, Best Friends, Pranksters, and Jocks all chose Serve.
“The Party Dudes are ready to take on the Tennis Menace,” Don voiced over Brody stepped up first with a racquet in hand.
“Participate,” the Tennis Menace challenge.
"Okay, buddy, you got this?" Geoff asked his partner from the sidelines.
"I got this," Brody replied, getting into a stance.
Outside Interview: Party Dudes
"Tennis is the ultimate wimp sport," Brody said.
"No checking, no tackling, just a fluffy little ball." Geoff explained. "It's like super-sized ping pong. What could be dangerous about that?"
Interview Ends
"You got this?" Geoff repeated at a louder volume.
Brody turned his back on the machine to shout back, "I got this!" At that moment, the ball launcher turned on, and rapidly fired balls at Brody. Covering his head, Brody made a retreat. "So don't got this, dude!"
Carrie nervously eyed the Tennis Menace, and Devin put a hand around her shoulder. "I know you're scared, but whatever happens, I believe in you," he encouraged her.
Carrie chuckled, blushing as she did so, and approached the Tennis Menace to take her turn. As she got into position, Devin added, "Anyway, Shelley hangs out with her tennis instructor, like, all the time. And she says tennis is a mental game."
Having been caught off-guard, Carrie flinched as a tennis ball knocked her racquet out of her hands, causing her to frown sadly and walk back to the sidelines.
"Alright, my turn," Usain said as he ran up to take his turn. He quickly yelped as he narrowly avoided a ball hitting his head.
World Interview: Jocks
"Okay, we're jocks and all, but tennis is something that we're not interested in," Usain told the viewers.
"Yeah! It's practically a sport for wimps!" Lightning agreed. "And we're men!"
"It still beats squeegeeing though," Usain added.
"Sha-totally!" Lightning nodded.
Interview Ends
Back on the second flight to Dubai, Kelly was still talking to Dwayne.
"Well, and that's it, right? And after she crashed her third sports car, I wanted to cut up her credit cards, but you know, I just knew she'd steal mine," Kelly wrapped up another story. "That's parenting, right?"
"Well, uh, I guess teens are more challenging," Dwayne mused, taking a sip of his water.
"Oh no, no. This all happened when she was ten," Kelly corrected him. "The real drama started when she turned twelve."
Dwayne did a spit take. "Uh, Kelly, the problem here is that Taylor doesn't have proper boundaries. That or she was born rotten," he responded.
Kelly gasped, standing up and grabbing Dwayne's glass of water, "How dare you?!" She splashed his water on his face, and walked back to her original seat.
“Eh, good talk,” Dwayne said after coughing.
Outside Interview: Father & Son
"I'm worried Kelly and Taylor aren't the best team to partner with," Dwayne said.
Junior snorted. "Yeah."
Interview Ends
Paris and France prepared to do the Squeegee challenge, and Emma and Kitty walked up to the platform beside them.
"Hey, we're doing the same challenge as you two. What are the odds?" Kitty joked.
"Maybe we should work together?" Paris offered.
Emma lowered her voice to a whisper. "No alliances, remember? Come on!"
World Interview: Sisters
"Remember," Emma told her sister, "we're here to finish first. No surrender, no distractions."
"How do you automatically know that they're going to distract us?" Kitty asked in annoyance.
"Trust me. I always know," Emma replied.
Interview Ends
"With teams from flight two arriving, the heat is on." Don announced as the second flight arrived, and the teams hopped on their bus to the hotel.
France wiped a window with her squeegee. "This is hard, but we're making good progress. How many is that?" she asked Paris.
A camera shot from further away revealed they were not that far from where they started. "One," Paris deadpanned.
The scene moved to the Sisters. Kitty snapped a selfie as the winds at their altitude shook their platform, and Kitty clung onto the side of the platform. "I'm starting to think this is more terrifying than tennis."
"Just help me lower this thing," Emma ordered, picking up a manual. "According to the manual, the sides move separately, so we have to pull these two levers at once!"
"Why would they design it like that?" Kitty asked.
"Why would they put a tennis court on the roof?” Emma responded. “Just pull on three. One, two, three!"
They both flipped their switch, and the platform lowered a bit before it became severely lop-sided, leaving the Sisters dangling from one side of it.
"This is the manual’s fault, not ours," Emma remarked.
Kitty gave her sister a flat look. "Of course it is."
"The teams from flight two have reached the hotel in time to catch up with the front runners." Don announced as the bus carrying the remaining teams arrived, and everyone hurried out.
"Serve or Squeegee?" Taylor questioned.
The teams heard screams from above them, and they glanced up to see the Sisters dangling from their platform and screeching at the top of their lungs.
"Serve!" the teams quickly declared.
World Interview: Tennis Rivals
"Finally, a challenge that’s for sure in our league,” Pete grinned. “The two of us are tennis players. This’ll be a knock out of the park!"
"We may be retired, and high altitudes give me nosebleeds, but I know we can win this one," Gerry said proudly.
Interview Ends
The teams all joined the front runners up on the rooftop tennis court as the Best Friends and the Ice Dancers stood on the court. They all made sure to stay a clear distance from the machine.
“Participate!” the Tennis Menace challenge.
"Well what do you know? My nose isn't bleeding!" Gerry pointed out.
The machine shot out a ball, and it smacked Gerry right in the nose.
"You were saying?" Pete snarked and caught his partner before he collapsed to the floor.
Outside Interview: Tennis Rivals
“We’re still sticking to tennis,” Pete confirmed, Gerry having tissues plugged into his nose. “Squeeging is something I won’t even consider as a career choice. Plus, we can’t stand the sound of squeegee streaks! It's like spongy nails on a glass chalkboard.”
Interview Ends
The Tennis Menace began to fire rapidly, causing the racers to yelp as they dodged being hit.
"Cool…" Junior said in awe. He was about to head out onto the court when Dwayne put his hand on his shoulder.
"Uh, we'll be switching to windows," Dwayne decided.
Mother & Daughter met them on the way. "Us too," Kelly decided as well.
"Mom, why? I've won like a bajillion tennis trophies," Taylor boasted, only for her smirk to fall when she saw her mother's sheepish smile. She grunted and said, "You ruin my life!"
"Silence!" Jacques shouted from the court. "I am trying to perform!"
"Yeah, good luck!" Devin taunted.
Outside Interview: Devin
"I've watched Shelly play tennis for years and believe me, Jacques has a better chance of hitting a beach ball than a tennis ball," Devin commented.
Interview Ends
The Tennis Menace shot a ball out, and Jacques returned it way into the sky and gave a thumbs up to the camera.
Seeing Jacques complete the challenge, Devin frowned. "I'll shut up now."
"Oh oh, excellent idea!" Jacques agreed as Josee switched places with him. "Just watch. You might learn something."
After kissing her rock, Josee got into positon. At the last second, a seagull landed on Josee's head, distracting her. The moment she looked away from the machine, it started firing. Josee tried to swipe at the seagull, and it flew away just in time for her to get pelted by a multitude of balls. "What?! Interference!" Josee cried out to the others, and she got hit in the back of her head, knocking her down.
Devin taunted to Jacques, "Ooh, better luck next time."
Jacques ran up to Josee, and scooped her up in his arms. "Josee, mon petit chou. We'll never make podium waiting in line. Let's switch to windows," he told her.
"Fine, but after we win, I am throwing a massive tantrum," Josee agreed.
World Interview: Ice Dancers
"Tantrums run in her family. Once I was late driving home Josee from practice, and her mom threw four plates at me!" Jacques recalled.
"I don't miss those plates," Josee commented.
"Or your mom," Jacques added.
Interview Ends
Dwayne and Junior were making progress washing windows, and Dwayne stopped for a moment. "Now son, the trick to proper squeegeeing is to-"
"Wipe the window?" Junior answered simply.
Dwayne shrugged, "Pretty much," Junior turned to continue washing windows while Dwayne chuckled and went back to work himself. "Fast learner."
As they worked, Kelly was shown watching them. "He thinks he's parent of the year. Who is he to tell me how to-"
"Mom, get moving. These windows won't wash themselves," Taylor snapped.
"On it," Kelly reached down to pick up her bucket of water. "And good call, honey."
World Interview: Mother & Daughter
"Working on these challenges is good for Taylor and I,” Kelly said while Taylor filed her nails. “At home, we're so busy with our everyday lives, though Taylor sometimes tries to squeeze me in."
Interview Ends
"It’s my turn!" Bite boasted as she got ready to return a serve.
"Don't screw this up, you hear?!" Bark ordered behind her.
"Would you shut up, you eejit?!” Bite shouted. “I'm trying to focus here."
Bark smirked at the irritation he was causing Bite. "Fine, but don’t be coming to me throwing a wobbly if you miss a shot."
Bite gritted her teeth and approached the Tennis Menace as it repeated “Participate!” again. It shot a single ball her way, and she slammed it with her racquet. It bounced off of Bite's racquet at a perfect angle, and with huge power that her return actually shoved the machine off the edge of the court.
Bark shot Bite a surprised look. "I was just winding you up to hit a ball, not knock the Tennis Menace off the court!"
“Cram it,” Bite responded.
The Tennis Menace landed on the Sisters' platform. The Sisters quickly took to a corner of their platform together.
"Uh," Emma spoke up worriedly, "is this part of the challenge?"
The machine began to fire rapidly, and Kitty, in her panic, used the squeegee in her hand as a makeshift racquet, frantically returning all of the shots.
"Are you kidding me?! Why didn't we choose tennis?!" Emma remarked incredulously. One of Kitty's returns hit her switch on the opposite side of the platform, and Emma lost her balance, falling towards the machine. At the last second, she grabbed onto the launcher's barrel. "Kitty, help!"
Over a column, and a few windows down, France stopped what she was doing when she heard Emma's cries. Looking up, she saw her and the machine slip off the platform.
"Emma!" France cried out frantically.
(Commercial Break)
Emma was falling from her platform, and she screamed until she stopped for some reason.
She looked up, and saw France grasping her arm. Beside her, the Tennis Menace fell to the concrete below.
"Hey, you dropped something," France quipped.
World Interview: Extreme Girls
"Emma’s a stickler, and has been crabby towards us," France said. “Does that mean we let her fall? Never an option!”
World Interview: Sisters
"Okay, so maybe the Extreme Girls aren’t the worst people in the world," Emma remarked.
"Nicest thing she's ever said," Kitty smiled.
Interviews End
The Ice Dancers washed their windows, using their ice-dancing techniques to make the display even more spectacular.
They were just wiping another window when the window showed someone on the other side watching them. They stared at their single-person audience until he held up a card saying 6.0. The Ice Dancers smiled at each other.
World Interview: Ice Dancers
"Just because a task is menial doesn't mean you skimp on artistic impression," Jacques noted to the viewers.
"The goal is to achieve greatness. Winning will then be thrust upon us," Josee said.
Interview Ends
"Wipe faster, Mom!" Taylor barked at her mother.
Gritting her teeth, Kelly responded, "Yelling won't help, sweetie."
Rolling her eyes, Taylor retorted, "Um, I yell at the maid all the time, then she wipes faster. I think I know what I'm doing."
A helicopter returned the Tennis Menace to the tennis court, but the launcher itself was all broken up and dysfunctional. “Participate!” it said in a distorted voice as it poorly shot a ball onto the court. The shot was so abysmal that it bounced before it even got past the net.
"Nice," Tom commented with a smile. "Anyone could clobber that."
"I think some people will struggle though," Jen added as an aside.
"We can do this," Pete gloated as he approached the court nervously. "Nothing a pair of old men can’t handle!"
Down below, the Extreme Girls and the Sisters were now on the same platform.
"Glad we're alive, but kinda bummed we're gonna tie for last," Emma said.
"Can you be any more negative?" Kitty questioned her sister skeptically.
"Of course she can," France answered for Emma. "She implied we'll finish. We only have one squeegee between us, and you guys lost all your water."
Paris smiled, getting an idea. "It's not over yet! I know how to win this, but you guys have to agree to an alliance first."
Kitty clapped as France and Emma shared a look before agreeing vocally.
"I will use my hair as our squeegee!" Paris announced, undoing her pigtails and letting her hair fall down to her shoulders.
Inside the hotel, a hotel worker was on their break, taking a sip of coffee when she heard a sound, and looked up to see Paris’s back of her head up against the window, and the hotel worker instantly did a spit take.
Looking at her alliance, Paris said, "Let her drop!"
France pushed Paris up against the window while Emma and Kitty operated the levers, sending their platform down the windows rapidly. Paris cheered as her hair cleaned the windows.
The sound of Paris squeegeeing the windows was so loud that those up on the roof could hear it, especially Pete.
"Not that sound!" Pete cried out. The sound went on long enough that it made him faint, and he began to fall forward as the Tennis Menace shot a ball.
The ball flew towards Pete's racquet as he fell forward, and bounced off the racquet's netting. Pete was left hanging over the net dividing the court.
"Sweet move, old dude!" Geoff encouraged him.
Gerry ran up to his teammate. "Pete! Are you gonna get up?"
The Tennis Menace shot another ball, and this time, it hit Gerry on the side of his head. The impact, while weak, was still strong enough to knock out Gerry, who fell over.
The Surfers, Rockers, and Pranksters watched on with surprise for a moment. "Whoa!" Geoff gasped. "Tennis Rivals finish first!" He, Brody, and the Rockers and Pranksters gave them a round of tennis applause.
"Two windows left. The gold is ours!" Josee told Jacques. Her gleeful smile turned into a frown when she and Jacques looked to their left to see the Sisters and Extreme Girls slide down their windows and crash on the ground.
"Whoo! Go Paris!" Kitty praised Paris as she fixed her hair.
"Nice job taking one for the team," France complimented her.
"My hair is a mess right now, but I can wash it later," Paris smiled after having finished putting her braids back onto her hair.
Emma retrieved a tip from the Don Box. "Find the Chill Zone in the Gold Souk. The what?" Emma wondered out loud.
Don appeared at the Gold Souk and explained, "The Gold Souk. Just a normal plaza where everything is made of gold. To reach the chill zone inside this shop, teams must travel here in taxis. Some of which are gold. Literally." A man walked by, licking a gold ice cream cone. "They really like their gold here."
"To the gold! Now!" Josee commanded, and the three teams raced to get taxis to the Gold Suk.
Up on the court, all the teams were taking advantage of the now-easy ball launcher, the Villains, Police Cadets, Fashion Bloggers, Jocks, and Pranksters quickly getting their turns done. Geoff returned his own shot, Spud was able to get a shot by using his belly, and Ennui got one just by simply holding up his racquet.
After the Goths were done, the Best Friends got ready to take their turns. "You can do it," Devin encouraged Carrie once more and added. "Just ask yourself. What would Shelley do?"
Carrie turned on him in an upset manner. "No, I'm not Shelley, and I never will be!" She ran off the court.
"Carrie, wait! I wasn’t trying to upset you!" Devin ran after her.
Kelly sighed as she did one final wipe of her squeegee, and got off the platform, which was now at the bottom of the hotel. "There, all done."
"Took long enough," Taylor complained, and looked down at her boots before whining in disgust, "Ew! There's bird poop on my boot." She held up the boot in question, which had a white splatter of bird poop on it. Before Kelly could say anything, Taylor wiped her boot on Kelly's jacket. Once it was clean, Taylor put the boot back on. "There, totes better."
Kelly gasped, staring at the offending bird poop before scolding her daughter, "Do not treat me like a doormat!"
"You were all sweaty and gross anyway. Why should we both suffer?" Taylor responded rudely.
Kelly rolled her eyes before the nearest lever of their platform caught her attention. Narrowing her eyes, she flipped the switch, causing it to rise up a few levels with Taylor on it.
"Don't just stand there like an old mannequin. Help me!" Taylor exclaimed.
"No, I'm giving you a time-out," Kelly refused.
"You can't do that! I'm your daughter!" Taylor complained.
"Well that's how it works. I won't help until you apologize."
"You're in for a long wait!"
The Extreme Girls and Sisters ran through the Gold Souk.
"Remember, we're looking for a gold Chill Zone," Paris reminded them.
France and the Sisters followed her until France spotted something in a store display. The store's display window held Gilded Chris statuettes from season two. France smirked, and pointed to them. "Look, they even have dollar stores."
Emma laughed out loud at the joke.
World Interview: Sisters
"We didn't get it," Kitty stated flatly.
Interview Ends
The two teams eventually came across a store with an 'RR' on top. "This is it!" Kitty exclaimed.
"Before we go, you two have to let me and France step onto the carpet first," Paris halted them.
"And why?" Emma responded.
"Not only did I finish the challenge for us, but if it wasn’t for France, you would be extinct," Paris claimed.
“And you’ve been a major cow towards us before,” France said seriously.
“You can’t argue with them there, Emma,” Kitty pointed out.
"Okay, deal," Emma agreed reluctantly, and they entered the shop.
Don stood inside the store with the Carpet of Completion. "Extreme Girls," he greeted them, "congratulations, you're the first to arrive." Paris and France cheered as Kitty and Emma entered the shop. "Kitty and Emma, you're team number two."
World Interview: Extreme Girls
"I know we got that win by bargaining with the Sisters, but they technically owed us after we gave them our services," Paris stated.
World Interview: Sisters
"Wow," Emma said in the confessional. "The Extreme Girls are more hardened and no-nonsense than I thought. I never expected them to make us give away first place."
Interviews End
Jacques and Josee arrived at the Chill Zone. "Welcome to the Chill Zone. You’ve come in third. Again," Don informed them, and the Ice Dancers gasped. "Kidding," Don chuckled as the Tennis Rivals came up behind him. "The Tennis Pros got here way before you."
"We took one of the non-gold cabs. They're a lot faster, and fascinating over gold is for teenagers," Gerry explained.
"You mean… we're fourth?! We didn't make the podium at all?!" Jacques exclaimed, his eyes wide.
Don stared at him with confusion. "What podium? There is no podium."
Josee told Don vindictively. "There is always a podium!"
Outside Interview: Tennis Rivals
Gerry and Pete stood inside the store as Josee could be heard raging and throwing stuff across the store in the background.
"We’ve gotten fourth, second, and now third place," Gerry cheered.
"Even though we’re the oldest team around, and we haven’t won first yet, we’ve still got it," Pete added before he and Gerry quickly ducked to avoid Josee throwing a gold lamp at the camera. "Weird whippersnappers." They glanced at the now-cracked camera concernedly.
Interview Ends
"Fifth!" Father & Son. "Sixth!" Goths. "Seventh!" Police Cadets. "Eighth!" Party Dudes. "Ninth!" Fashion Bloggers. "Tenth!" Villains. "Eleventh!" Jocks. "Twelfth!" Pranksters. "Thirteenth!" Bulldogs. "Fourteenth!" Rockers.
"As more teams arrive, one team is on their way while two teams are in a dead heat for last place. Whose apathy will come out on top?" Don narrated as Carrie had yet to take her turn and Taylor was still hanging from the suspended platform.
Kelly walked back to where she left Taylor with a tip in hand."Taylor," Kelly said in a stern tone, "I'm going to show you what your attitude is doing to us."
Taylor rolled her eyes at her mother down below. "It's 'tude, mom. No one says attitude anymore. You can't even lecture right."
"I got a tip from the Don Box," Kelly held up the tip and read from it. "Our next destination is a mall, full of gold!" She looked up at her daughter sadly. "We could be shopping right now!" She sobbed.
Taylor found herself trembling at the idea. "I… I didn't know. I'm sorry, mom. I'm like, so sorry," she admitted.
"You really mean it?" Kelly smiled hopefully.
"Well," Taylor thought for a moment, "not for anything I did. Look, you're kind of lame, and most of the time, you totally embarrass me. But, as long as you take me shopping, I'll can pretend you don't."
Kelly sniffled and held out her arms, "Oh, that's all I ever wanted!" Taylor let go of the platform, and fell into her mother's arms, who caught her with ease. With Taylor still in Kelly's arms, they went off to go find a taxi.
Up on the court, Carrie finally managed to return a serve, her return putting an end to the infernal ball launcher, sending it off the edge of the court for a second time, and they went to find a cab.
"The Gold Souk!" Carrie told the driver of the Best Friends' taxi.
"Hurry!" Taylor told the driver of Mother & Daughter's taxi.
Outside Interview: Best Friends
"I'll feel terrible if we lost on account of my bad tennis skills," Carrie apologized to Devin.
"It’s not on you," Devin accepted the apology. "I'm sorry if I said anything during the challenge that upset you and made you lose focus."
"It's okay. You didn't know," Carrie accepted his apology and then smiled. “We'll be best friends with or without this race.”
Interview Ends
Don watched as the Best Friends ran to the Carpet of Completion. "Are we still in the race?" Devin asked.
“Carrie and Devin... you're the last to arrive,” Don informed them, causing them to sigh. “My mistake. Here comes Mom and Daughter now,” he said as the team entered, Kelly carrying bags and Taylor boxes. “You are still in the race!” Devin and Carrie cheered and left the Chill Zone.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Taylor said as she and Kelly got on the carpet. “Look who got their bling on.”
“Kelly, Taylor, you're last to arrive,” Don let them know. “You're out of the race.”
“Oh... I guess we should've checked in before shopping,” Kelly lamented.
“Meh. It was fun while it lasted,” Taylor commented happily.
"I hope I never touch another camel, but I loved Paris,” Kelly said over their own montage. “I can't believe how good your drawing was."
"I know, so good," Taylor agreed. "I can't believe your upper body strength. I need to see your trainer like, yesterday."
"You know, it's funny. We entered this race to win more money, but we ended up getting something we actually needed," Kelly mentioned.
"Speaking of which, if we're gonna shop more, I'll need you to double my allowance," Taylor added as they were shown getting into a cab.
Kelly chuckled. "Oh Taylor. I'm canceling your allowance for a while."
As the cab drove off, Taylor could be heard saying "Wait, what?!"
(Roll the Credits)
Stepbrothers - Chet & Lorenzo - 21st
Geniuses - Ellody & Mary - 20th
Vegans - Laurie & Miles - 19th
Adversity Twins - Jay & Mickey - 18th
Daters - Ryan & Stephanie - 17th
Mother & Daughter - Kelly & Taylor - 16th
Current Rankings: Extreme Girls, Sisters, Tennis Rivals, Ice Dancers, Father & Son, Goths, Police Cadets, Party Dudes, Fashion Bloggers, Villains, Jocks, Pranksters, Bulldogs, Rockers, Best Friends

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I just woke up from a dream, writing down immediately after waking up. I remembered about everything. I am sure of it.
In the end of the last dream that transitioned into the first, I was looking into the fridge at my sisters house. I get this recurring dream sometimes. In this, it was the modern day. My sister's boyfriend's current wife, was in my mind. While I was digging into their food. I saw green tamales. A tamale with long slick green chilis, which was my niece's. Leafy greens were placed with the green tamales, served alongside. I pulled on the green leaf and chunk of green corn, contemplating eating it. I couldn't eat it, it would've been noticeable that I ate into it/some of it. I picked at a piece of dried up cheese next to it, eating it. This dream went into the next. By transitioning it seems, but maybe I woke up.
In the next dream, I was with one of my nephews. He was being a little asshole, which he probably is deep inside. In astrology, we're enemy signs. I've never gotten along with him.
My little brother was there, nearby as the nephew hid from me. Viscous things spewed from his mouth as he did so. He was in the closet, I saw. Towards the end of the dream. A little tykes toy or baby seat blocked my view of his face as he sat in the front of the closet. I beat him up/punched him, I think, and wanted to. On a screen, there was a list of products that contain chloroform, dr pepper was one of them. A couple of ladies walked in, harassing me. A gen x lady made a comment to me about something important; that she didn't like my aura/masculine energy. Yesterday, I ranted all day about how undesirable I am because of very expressive I am. There's people who put other's down just because someone is more confident than most, ontop of merely gaslighting the expression/light out of them. That can include creativity as well. I took off, running and transitioning directly into the next place. I ran straight into toysrus. A gen x woman approached me, bitching about my aura again. 'Dumbass gen-x lady.' I said to myself, flying immediately when that was spoken outload. I hovered over the displays, seeing a marilyn manson on a magazine that was recent. Related to the new video he posted. I went towards an aisle that was long pillows placed on it, cushioning even. I laid on it, seeing a guy walk by. He reminded me of the grimm life collective, or '90s grunge dreams on youtube. That kind of xennial guy.
The next moment, I was in a disney themed hot topic. I got up from the aisle, and walked through multiple doors with different disney channel movies on it. There was barely space inbetween the doorways. At the top there would be text of a movie title on it. I wondered if I was in a halloweentown themed room/shop, and looked up. I wasn't. I saw haunted mansion stuff inside. A small group of black people/mixed race folk nervously stood next to the displays of jewelry and novelty memorabilia. I don't remember what was going on. I looked down at the brenda song cd next to me, recognizing it. It was a updated version of a previously released cd, to look modern. The font was blue and white like clouds, on the backside of the case. Dark green and black on the front, like it took place at night. Very '00s. Even for disney female singers at the time. I then went into a room, going to my first party. I said it outloud to a few boys. 'This is my first party.' It took place in modern time, my current age relevant. A large group of men in the center of the room moshed, even while a voice spoke over it saying, 'You're all fags/gay.' I picked up a small-tiny paper plate, setting it back down when I saw a stack of bigger ones. The plate was dirty, I think. A casserole dish, glass was covered with crusty food. Scarlet Orange, like carrot cake. In front of me was poppy cheesecake. I tried to cut into a slice of a seperate cheesecake, it looked dry. Like a pear cake. Those two guys approached me. 'I expected to see a guy.' Refering to me. My hair and face looked manly to them. My long hair was somehow manly. I got a dreadlock that's pretty matted that I need to brush out in real life. Suddenly, I was in a contest to make a display of a movie; beetlejuice. I saw a doll, in it's box. Tim Burton themed, like the alice in wonderland movie got years ago.
Red tissue paper was tucked in the right corner of the box. Bloody red, like it covered in period blood. And tissue that comes from the blood. A red wedding dress doll of lydia was one of the accessories, hidden under the tissue paper. I picked and tugged at the tissue. I wanted the display I was working on to have liminal spaces. The few girls I was working with, because they walked over and took over the display/box, knew that. None of the work I was doing was going to save. The air was laggy/lagging, like I was in a game server. Or digital reality, if you will. The girl who I was working with took it over, turning the inside of the box with a piano, and vintage mini tv. The tv was gray, industrial-esque. '70s era. Seemed '80s. But the movie has that late 70s to late 80s dark postmodern style. I wanted to do a vintage gray dustry victorian floor, to be reminiscent of the attic in their victorian home. The liminal spaces, I told her to print images out from stills in the movie. Grass scenes, like in edward scissorhands with the suburbia. Those kinds of liminal dreamscape-landscapes. I saw some in front of me play, somehow. On a projected screen feet away, a picture of lydia/winona ryder got my attention as I was waking up. A pisces woman mentioned that an angel asteroid referenced in the movie connected to her emotionally. I could see the greek name of the asteroid on the screen. I woke up, getting up from the patio lounger. Chaise/victorian style, just like the patio furniture in the beetlejuice movie. Eerie. Writing everything down successfully.
After posting this, I remember my nephew trying to steal my bottle of grape juice that's currently in the fridge.

Fun flip-flap folio with no dies, no complicated cutting or measuring, using two empty tissue boxes and whatever you want to decorate.
written instructions with still photos: https://papercraftcrystal.com/2024/05/24/tissue-box-to-flip-flap-folio/
short video: https://youtu.be/zdfCQBs_PC4

Parts 1-18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32
“Psst! Psst! Mr. Hard-Sell! Wake Up!”, I heard Bob say, waking me up.
I groggily opened my eyes, and lifted my head off the pillow, to see Bob and the Seeker standing side by side in front of my dresser.
I quickly rolled on my back, and sat up, turning my head to look at them
I then looked to my left to see Donna still sleeping.
I looked back, and asked, wiping my eyes, “Bob? What are you two doing in our bedroom?”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Hard-Sell! It is time!”, Bob said coldly.
The Seeker just smiled.
I then took a look at my arm… 14 minutes, 37 seconds, and counting.
I put my hands over my face, and let my body fall back onto the bed.
I knew this day would come, I was just hoping that with all the wild and crazy adventures we had together, they forgot. They didn’t.
I guess the sudden jolt of the mattress, jarred Donna awake.
“Michael! What’s wrong?”, she asked, half asleep.
I just sighed, and pointed toward the dresser.
Donna then raised her head, leaned up on her arm, and looked in that direction.
“Bob? Old Man?”, she said surprised, pulling the blankets up around her neck, “Why are you in our bedroom?”
“Donna Dear! I’m afraid… it is time!”, Bob answered again.
“Time for what?”, she asked confused.
“You didn’t tell her, Mr. Hard-Sell?”, Bob inquired.
“Tell me what?”, Donna asked worried.
I just sighed, sat back up, and looked at Bob.
“Tell me what?”, she asked again, more intense this time, and pulling on my arm.
I turned to look at her, as she let go of my arm.
“Um! You see, Babe. Um! Seven years ago, I met the old man in the bathroom at the mall. I was wearing that jacket of mine that you like so much. He asked me if I would sell my soul for Rock and Roll like the jacket said.
I foolishly said yes, thinking he was just some random old man fucking with me. He wasn’t. He was, and still is, a Soul Seeker.
I inadvertently sold my soul, which allowed me to get anything I wanted for the next seven years, but at the end, I had to spend eternity in Hell.
There’s a counter on my arm that tells me how much time I have left.
I wanted to become a Rock Star, and I did, but now my time is up.”, I said, “I have to go to Hell now! Well, in 9 minutes and 42 seconds.”
“I don’t see anything on your arm?”, Donna said almost in tears.
“You won’t, only Bob and I can see it.”, I answered.
I then turned to Bob, and asked, “Why didn’t you just let the timer count down, and take me while I was sleeping?”, I asked
“I like you, Mr. Hard-Sell, I really do. I do not want to do this, but a deal is a deal.
I normally would have done just that, but like I said, I like you. I feel I at least owe you the opportunity to say goodbye, after all you have helped me do!”, Bob answered.
I then turned to Donna, who was fully in tears at this point
“No! I don’t want you to go. What about the baby? I wish this wasn’t happening!”, she said, through falling tears, with her hands covering her face.
I put my arm around her to try and console her, but she pulled away.
I couldn’t really blame her.
Her words were tearing through me, like a Langolier through time past.
But it also got me thinking, “Want? Wish?”
“Wait a minute… maybe there IS a way out of this”, I thought.
I closed my eyes and whispered, “God! I hope this works!”
“I have 2 minutes and 7 seconds left, I can still get anything I want, and you still owe me a wish!”, I said pointing at Bob.
His eyes grew wide, and a smile loosely formed on his face, like he knew where I was going with this.
I quickly began listing off all the things I wanted, in rapid fire style.
“I want to grow old with Donna . I want our baby to be healthy.
I want to keep all the money.
I want to keep the house.
I want to keep the cars.
I want to keep the ability to get anything I want.
I want to own the bus that Mr. Bellington gave me.
I want Ricky and Tony to be successful.
I want Derek and Corey to succeed.
I want Stephen to find happiness.
I want Rebecca and Donna to remain best friends.
I want Edgar to learn how to play the keyboards.”
I then hesitated, breathing heavy.
15 seconds…
I then took the deepest breath I could.
“AND I WISH I HAD MY SOUL BACK!”, I yelled, and looked down at my arm.
10 seconds...
“You can’t do that!”, the Seeker yelled.
“A wish is a wish! Now grant it!”, I yelled to Bob.
Bob just stood there.
5 seconds…
“You owe me that wish!”, I yelled.
3 seconds…
2 seconds…
1 second…
That loosely formed smile then formed into a happy one, as Bob snapped his fingers.
In mid snap, time ran out, as flames began bursting up from the floor.
I then heard Donna scream.
I turned to look at her, as her face and body quickly began melting into a large pile of a flesh colored goo on the bed.
I screamed, and looked at Bob and The Seeker. They were just standing there, in the midst of the flames.
I then felt the bed give way underneath me.
I felt my body falling… falling into the firey pits of Hell.
I felt every molecule in my body slowly breaking apart, starting with my hands and feet, floating like embers at a campfire, right in front of my eyes, just like it did, when Bob transported Tony and I from the basement to the alley.
The pain was immense, and the heat was unbearable.
I could hear flames crackling, and blood curdling torturous screams from below, as my body disintegrated.
I screamed again.
Suddenly, a huge bright white mist, resembling the one that the Seeker sucked out of me, when I first went to hell, and he took my soul, appeared out of nowhere, and was barreling at me fast. It slammed hard into my chest, just as my upper torso was beginning to break apart.
Everything went black.
The next thing I knew, my body slammed back together again, and I was ascending upward through the flames, engulfed in the white mist.
I closed my eyes.
The moment I did, I felt my body slam down hard on the mattress.
I bounced off the bed, and onto the floor, still screaming.
“Michael! Are you ok? What happened?”, I heard Donna say.
At least it was her voice.
I opened my eyes, as I got up on my hands and knees.
I then looked at my arm.
There was nothing there.
I stayed there, on my hands and knees, thinking.
“I’ve always heard that Hell is a repetitious loop of the one thing that you fear the most.
Mine was losing Donna and the baby.
Am I going to relive that moment over and over again for all of eternity?”, I thought, “Is that my Hell?”
I closed my eyes, sighed, and opened them again.
When I did, I saw the tips of Bob’s Black wing tipped shoes come into view.
I then looked up.
“Ta-da!”, Bob said… “Well played, Mr. Hard-Sell… Well played!”, as he extended his right hand to me.
I hesitantly grabbed it.
He then helped me to my feet.
The bedroom was completely intact.
“Am I in Hell?”, I asked Bob.
“No, Michael! You are here in the real world, in your house, with Donna, and your unborn child.”, he replied smiling.
Donna then came running, well, briskly walking, 4 months pregnant, remember?
Anyway, she came around the side of the bed, in her nightgown, and bear hugged me, almost knocking me over.
I hugged her back.
She then let go of me, and punched me in the arm, hard.
It hurt a little, reminding me not to piss her off again.
“You are an asshole, Michael! Don’t you do that to me again!”, she said, then kissed me.
After the kiss, I touched her face, to see if she was real. She was.
I then looked at Bob.
“You called me Michael!”, I said, “Why?”
“That is your name!”, he replied.
“You have called me, Mr. Hard-Sell, for the last 6 and a half years, no sense in stopping now.”, I retorted.
“Very Well! Mr. Hard-Sell it is.”, Bob said smiling, “Now, Let’s talk!”, he said.
“Can we get dressed first?”, I asked.
“Absolutely! Do you have any Red wine?”, he asked.
“No, Bob! We don’t drink!”, I answered.
“Very well then!”, Bob said, “I shall meet you in the dining area! Which way is that?”
“Down the hall, down the stairs, make a right, and you’ll run right into it.”, Donna answered.
“Thank you!”, Bob replied, and walked out of the bedroom door.
We both then got dressed, and walked downstairs to meet Bob.
We arrived to find him, sitting at the table, twiddling his thumbs.
I then looked out of the dining room window, to see our bus, sitting in the driveway, next to my Mustang.
I smiled.
I then turned to Bob, “Where’s the Seeker?”, I asked.
“He was upset, that I gave you your soul back, and used some rather distasteful words, directed at me, so I gave him a few go rounds on my little rollercoaster. That’s should calm him down.”, Bob answered.
“Okay, Bob! Um! What’s up?”, I asked, sitting down, while Donna went to make a pot of coffee.
“Mr. Hard-Sell! I am so glad it ended up this way. I did not want to do that to you. But let me ask you this, Did you know what you were going to do with that wish when you said you would, and I quote, I’ll reserve my wish for another time, end quote?”, Bob asked.
“No! Not really! I just knew it would be good to have in my back pocket, but I didn’t know what I was going to do with it, until today!”, I responded.
“You know, Mr. Hard-Sell, through all my many years of existence, there have only been two people to ever beat me at my own game… the first was Jesus Christ, and the second was you!”, he said, “Not to say that you are Christ-like, because you are not, but I am glad you succeeded in getting your soul back.
Donna then returned, “Coffee’s going!”, she said, as I got up, pulled out the chair next to me, for her, then sat back down.
Bob then continued, “Now, as I have said numerous times before, I like you, I really do, so I assure you both, that you’re little girl, yes, it is a girl!”
Donna then smiled from ear to ear.
“Yes!”, she said.
“Your little girl, will want for nothing. If you can not provide it for her, Good ole Uncle Bob will. I promise you that.”, Bob said.
“Thanks, Bob!”, we both said in unison.
“I’ll go check on the coffee!”, Donna said, getting up and walking to the kitchen.
“Is this the end, Bob? Will I ever see you again after this?”, I asked.
“Oh, yes, Mr. Hard-Sell, and, No, it is not the end. I plan to keep a close eye on all of you! I will not interfere with your lives, but I will always be there, if you ever need me!”, he answered.
Donna then returned with three cups of coffee, a pitcher of cream, and a bowl of sugar, with a spoon.
“Would you like some coffee, Bob?”, she asked.
“Is it hot? I like hot!”, he asked.
“Yes”, she replied.
“Then, Yes! I have never had coffee before. But there is a first time for everything!”, he said laughing.
“How do you make it?”, he asked.
“We have a coffee pot! You know what a coffee pot is, right?”, I stupidly asked.
“Yes, Mr. Hard-Sell, I have equipped many different vehicles with one for your enjoyment, and watched you make it many many times.”, he answered, “I meant, how do you prepare it?”
“Oh! I put a little cream, and 2 sugars in mine!”, I answered, “Donna likes it black with sugar!”
“I’ll take it like that!”, he said.
Donna then prepared my cup, her cup, and his cup, and placed them all in front of us.
Bob then took a sip.
“Oh, this is most excellent! I love it! It burns, and is soothing at the same time!”, he said, “I’ve done the music business, now I think I’ll get into the coffee business. But what to call it! Help me here!”, he said.
“Um, Hell’s Brew!”, I said.
“For a songwriter, you are bad with words. No, nothing Hell related! I Got it! Keurig, which means excellence in Dutch. What do you think?”
It’s catchy!”, Donna said.
“I can create my own machine, offer single serve portions, in little plastic cups, I think I will call them K-Cups, charge an outrageous price for them, humans will go crazy to get them, and every coffee company in the world will copy my cup design, and offer their own brand of coffee to be used in my machine, for a price that is. It’s brilliant.
Oh, I must get started on this right away. I really must be going. Thank you for the coffee. I bid you both ado”, then he left.
How did he leave?… C’mon, you remember!… Keep thinking!…That’s right!…
He snapped his fingers, and disappeared into a cloud of gray smoke.
I knew you’ve been paying attention.
Two weeks later, human time, I saw the first Keurig commercial on TV.
Anyway, Bob gave us an endless, lifetime supply of K-Cups, any flavor, gets us all the new machines, as well as let’s us be the taste testers for any and all new coffee blends. It’s great.
Donna likes the iced coffees, I prefer it hot.
Anyway, Donna gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl, about 5 months later.
We decided to name her Robyn, after Bob, who’s first name is actually Robert, remember?
Robert… Robyn… Get it. Good.
Everyone was there at the hospital, except Derek and Corey, obviously, and Stephen, who was off touring the country.
Edgar and Rebecca informed us that they too were going to have a baby, and that Bob was a proud grandpa.
They decided to name her Calypso, meaning she who hides.
We brought Robyn home about a week later.
About 6 months after that, human time, there was a knock on the door. I opened it up to see Edgar and Rebecca standing there, with Rebecca holding a 3 month old, human time, bouncing baby demon succubus girl.
I don’t know how old she was in Hell time.
With them were two humongous Great Danes. Edgar explained that they were Hell Hounds, and were specifically trained to protect their person, or persons.
One was named Bill, and the other was named Janice.
Donna and Baby Robyn then joined me at the door.
“Rebecca!”, Donna yelled.
“Bestie!”, Rebecca yelled
They then ran to each other and hugged, trying not to squash the babies in between them.
When the hugfest was over, Donna, Rebecca, and the babies went inside, leaving Edgar, myself, and the two dogs, standing on the front steps.
I asked Edgar why the dogs had people names instead of animal names.
He said, “Imagine you are at home alone! Someone breaks in, and threatens to kill you. If you call out, Demon, or Hellion, they are going to know you’re calling dogs, and they will prepare for dogs. But if you call, Bill, or Janice, followed by their “GO” word. They are going to think that you’re scared and calling your overweight uncle, or your petite little girlfriend, and blow it off. They won’t be expecting 2 200 pound pissed off Hell Hounds coming at them”
It kinda made sense.
He then told me that they were a present from Bob to the two of us, and Robyn, as he leaned up, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and whispered in my ear, “Their “GO” word is OPPUGNATIO, which means attack in Latin. Remember that word… OPPUGNATIO! I don’t want to say it too loud. I don’t want them to hear it, and kill us all.”
I mouthed the word to myself, and said, “Thanks! I’ll tell Donna later.”
I then asked who was going to protect him and Rebecca.
He said, “If anyone breaks in, Rebecca will use her seduction abilities to draw them near. When their guard is down, I will rip their heads off, and feast on their flesh, chewing and chomping their bones, inner organs, muscles, and fatty tissue, until there’s nothing left of them, but a burp!”
He got real intense at the end there. It scared me a little, especially when he laughed.
“Oh! At least you have a plan!”, I responded.
“Yeah! We’ve been talking about it for a while. Here you go!”, he said, handing me the leashes.
One of the dogs then barked, I think it was Bill, followed by a tiny puff of gray smoke exiting his mouth.
“Thanks Bob!”, I whispered.
I then invited Edgar inside, leading the dogs in as well.
We found Donna and Rebecca sitting at the dining room table, and the babies in the play pen nearby.
The dogs sat in the corner watching us.
We then resumed our conversation.
“What about Axel?”, Donna said, looking at the dogs, “Won’t they kill her?”
“No! Hell Hounds do not see cats as a threat, like normal canines do. They will probably get along really well!”, Edgar responded.
And they did.
Bill and Janice were very emotional the day that Axel passed, and even to this day, lay out by the tree we planted over the spot where we buried Axel.
Axel is still around though.
Occasionally, we’ll hear that little bell that comes on most cat toys ring, or hear the sound of a cat meowing as we’re eating dinner, or walking down the hallway.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “It’s probably just a cat outside!”
And that could be possible, when we hear a cat meow while eating dinner.
But I seriously doubt, if we’d be able to hear a bell from outside, or be able to hear a cat meow from outside, while we’re walking through an upstairs hallway, with no windows in it, and all the doors shut.
Explain that one!
Plus, Bill and Janice have been seen on multiple occasions, chasing “nothing” around the yard, or staring at the tree.
They know she’s here too.
Anyway, Edgar said all we had to do, was feed both dogs a tiny drop of blood, from each one of the three of us, just once, and that will tell them who their person, or persons are.
Now, before you go thinking that we stabbed Robyn to get her blood, or something crazy like that.
The hospital gave us a small vile of her blood, when Donna and Robyn were released. Why, I’m not really sure, but this town is a little different then most, if you haven’t heard.
Donna and I finger pricked ourselves, and dripped a little on their dog food, as well as some from Robyn’s vile, when we first fed them, and they have been loyal to us ever since.
In case you’re wondering, the Hell Hounds only eat Royal Canin Dog Food, from France.
Axel ate Royal Canin cat food, from that day on, until the day she passed.
Bob sends us a monthly shipment, even to this day.
Now, according to Rebecca, succubus births are almost immediate.
No contractions!
No epidural!
No Pain!
Nothing!
One second you’re pregnant, the next second it’s plopping on the floor. Don’t worry, the baby is protected by a Heavy duty, Gel-like webbing, when it comes out, so the baby doesn’t get hurt when it falls.
There is no time to gather family and friends, so we didn’t even know about the birth, until they showed up on our doorstep.
Now, before you start thinking that Bob freaked out, and threw them out of hell, that was not the case.
Apparently, Edgar and Rebecca, were staying with Bob, in one of his spare rooms.
Bob has a mansion in Hell, being he’s the devil and all.
They had gone out to spend time together, leaving Bob to babysit.
Now, I don’t know what there really is to do in Hell, but apparently there’s something that interests them.
Anyway, Edgar had installed surveillance cameras in their room, unbeknown to Bob, to keep an eye on the baby while they were occupied with other things.
They both checked the footage when they got home, and saw Bob dancing around in a diaper, with a bonnet on his head, and a pacifier in his mouth, trying to entertain the baby.
I cried with laughter when Edgar told me that.
Anyway, Edgar blackmailed Bob with the video, saying he would show it to everyone in Hell, if he didn’t allow him, Rebecca, and the baby, to live in the real world, and lead normal lives, also so that Rebecca could hang out with her bestie Donna.
He agreed, and even bought them a house three houses down from ours.
Rebecca got a job at the Hooters in the next town over. Sales went straight through the roof. It was always packed, and still is to this day.
The food is good, but Rebecca is the main attraction. Guys from everywhere, and a few ladies, mostly truck drivers, come to see, well, excuse my language, but… “Tits and Tail”, as they say.
She makes a killing in tips.
There’s a sign posted when you walk in, that reads, “No Tail Touching! Offenders Will Be Whipped.”
Rebecca said that she has only had to whip a couple overzealous patrons, with her tail, a couple times, in the past 30 years, and that some guys even offer her money to whip them for no reason.
She always says “No!”
Ricky gave Edgar a job at BB & T Music, as a stock clerk. He got to be really good friends with Tony, and they even perform together, Tony on the accordion, and Edgar on the keyboards, every Sunday Night, at the store, from 8 until 9, with Ricky and I sometimes joining in on guitar, but we don’t want to take the spotlight away from them. We had our time. This is theirs.
It’s amazing how many people actually show up to see them.
They decided to call themselves Accordaboard.
They do 80’s Metal covers on keyboard and accordion, just like Apocalyptica does with Cellos.
Bob offered them free use of his studio to record a demo tape, if they ever want to try and go professional.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Why doesn’t Bob just sign them to Hellfire Records.”
Well, you see, as I mentioned before, Bob is now in the coffee business, and has no interest in returning to the music business, as far as I know.
Hellfire Records is closed until further notice.
Robyn has grown up to be a very caring, loving woman. She’s now in her early Thirties, and working at the local ASPCA. She loves animals. She is also dating a guy named Jimmy, who works at the ASPCA as well.
Calypso had to be home schooled, for obvious reasons, and is now in her thirties as well.
She is very mild mannered, not flirtatious at all. She likes being single, and intends to stay that way.
She assists Robyn at the ASPCA.
Robyn believes all the cats and dogs accept Calypso, as one of their own, because she has a tail, just like they do.
Robyn and Calypso share an apartment together, in the next town over, and have been best friends since infancy.
Tony joined The Richard Simmons Workout Club, back when he teamed up with Ricky. I don’t know the real name of it.
Anyway, he appeared in one of Richard’s “Sweatin’ To The Oldies” Videos, and has lost over 130 pounds.
He’s kept the weight off, and goes to the gym 4 nights a week now.
Bob stops by every now and then, to check up on everyone, and to say Hi!
Business is going good, Hell business that is, as I’m sure you can figure that out for yourselves, with the way the world has been going lately.
The coffee business is going good as well.
I never saw the old man again though. Bob said he’s still upset about me ruining his perfect track record.
Donna and I are still going strong.
She never worked, because I could afford her not to.
She does volunteer work at the local homeless shelter, now that Robyn is grown.
A few years back, she became very obsessed with something she calls, “Pioneer Woman”.
The whole house is decorated in “Pioneer Woman” stuff.
She has a massive collection, collecting multiples of each thing.
Numerous Rolling pins, numerous salt and pepper shakers, numerous plate and dish sets.
She’s even got “Pioneer Woman” towels in the bathroom, and has every comforter and sheets set that there is to offer.
Right now she has a “Vintage Floral” Comforter and sheet set on the bed. It’s her favorite design of hers.
It’s really not my style, but it’s her house, so she can do with it what she wants.
I haven’t really used my “gift” too much over the past 30 years, except for in the moment kind of things. If I’m too tired to get up and make a cup of coffee, I’ll “want” a cup of coffee, or if I don’t feel like going to the gas station and filling up the cars, I’ll “want” a full tank of gas, things. like that.
I started writing again a few years back, not songs this time, but stories, some true, some not.
This one is 100% true.
I discovered a forum called Reddit, and have been posting my stories on various subreddits there.
Damn… Someone just knocked on the door… hold on a second. I’ll be right back…
Hey ya’ll. I’m back. That was Bob!
He just showed up, in an even longer limousine this time.
Now! Have I got some good news to share with you.
Bob just informed Donna and I, that 80s Metal is making a comeback, as multiple bands from our era have started touring again, and that they are selling out each show.
Def Leppard, Guns & Roses, RATT, Motley Crue, well, Motley Crue never stopped touring, but you get the idea, Right?
Anyway, He said he wanted, no pun intended, to see if we would be interested in touring again, and possibly recording another album, at Hellfire studios, if the tour goes good, since he has people to run his coffee business, and that he kinda missed the old times.
“Hell, Yeah!!”, we said in unison.
Bob promised, no soul sucking box behind the drum kit this time.
He also said that he already talked to Edgar and Rebecca, as well as Robyn, Jimmy, Calypso, Tony, and Ricky, my old friend Ricky.
Bob got his phone number when he came to play on the album.
Bob said that the original Ricky said No, saying that his Pops was now in his 80’s, has had some major health issues, and that he did not want to leave alone him in that condition, but promised to keep us all informed.
We all completely understood.
I hope everything is okay, Mr. Bellington.
Anyway, everyone else agreed, and are all waiting in the limo for us.
Jimmy is Robyn’s boyfriend, in case you forgot.
Anyway, He also said he contacted Stephen, I don’t know how, and that he’s all in as well, but only if Cindy can come along for the ride.
Apparently, Cindy is the name of his girlfriend.
Bob agreed, everyone else did too, including us.
We’re heading to Kansas to pick them up, as soon as I’m finished here, then we’re off to Washington DC, to try and find Derek and Corey. It won’t be hard, as long as I “want” to find them.
Wish us luck anyway!
Yeah, Baby! We’re getting the band back together. I’m so excited.
I’ll tell everyone you said Hi.
Rock and Roll!
I threw up the horns when I said that.
I’ll let you know if anything interesting happens.
Oh, Hey Janice.
Shit! The dogs! What are we going to do with the dogs?
Are any of you interested in watching the Hell Hounds for us while we’re gone?
Never mind, we’ll take them with us. I don’t think anyone will mind. Their good dogs!
C’mon Guys. Bill! Janice! Let’s go bye-byes.
Are you ready, Babe?… Here, I’ll take that.
I gotta go y’all.
Axel! We’ll be back.
Later, Dudes And Dudettes!

Gender-neutral gift ideas are suitable for any occasion, and discovering the ideal one can be challenging.
To demonstrate your love and care for your loved ones on occasions like Christmas, birthdays, or simply because, we’ve curated a list of gender-neutral gift ideas that cater to everyone’s interests.

Vinyl Record Pan

This exceptional pan caters to music enthusiasts and cooking lovers, with a design resembling a vinyl record perfect for preparing pancakes, eggs, and other breakfast delights.

Waffle Maker

Ideal for breakfast lovers, this versatile appliance creates waffles, pancakes, and even sandwiches.

Game Collection

A set of board or card games encourages bonding and memory-making with friends and family for game lovers.

Personalized Life Laughter Quotes Jar

Inspire and uplift with a customized jar brimming with motivational quotes tailored to the recipient’s name.

Deep Tissue Massage Gun

Ease stress and tension with this advanced massage gun, providing relaxation after work or workouts.

Stainless Steel Water Bottle

For environmentally-conscious recipients, a reusable water bottle is ideal for gym or work hydration.

Ototo Nessie Ladle Spoon

Bring the fun to the kitchen with this Loch Ness Monster-inspired ladle spoon, guaranteed to spark conversation.

Beach Breakfast Sandwich Maker

This compact breakfast sandwich maker is the ultimate beach companion for those who love the sun and the sand.

A Life-Changing Book

Choose a transformative fiction or non-fiction book for the avid reader in your life.

DIY Craft Kit

Encourage creativity and hands-on fun with a DIY craft kit, creating a beautiful, handmade item.

High-Quality Headphones

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Healthy Snack Box

Customize a snack box with various nutritious options for health-conscious or busy recipients.

Coffee or Tea Set

Delight warm beverage enthusiasts with a set including a mug, tea kettle, and a selection of teas or coffee.

Personalized Journal

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Deluxe Spa Set

Indulge loved ones with a spa set, including bath bombs, body lotion, and other pampering essentials.

Healthy Cookbook

Introduce easy, nutritious recipes with a cookbook for those eager to eat better or try new dishes.

Personalized Keychain

Keep keys organized with a custom-designed keychain featuring personal messages.

Gym Bag

A spacious gym bag with compartments is ideal for fitness enthusiasts.

Portable Charger

A lightweight, long-lasting portable charger is perfect for those constantly on the move.

Customized Puzzle

Create a one-of-a-kind puzzle with a unique photo or design for puzzle lovers.

Fitness Tracker

Help recipients stay active and monitor their progress with a heart rate and sleep-tracking fitness tracker.

Personalized Tumbler

A custom-colored Tumbler with personal messages ensures hydration on the go.

Board Game Storage

A durable storage solution with ample space is perfect for game lovers to store their Collections.

Cooking Class

Improve culinary skills with a cooking class offering a variety of cuisines and levels.

Handheld Steamer

A user-friendly handheld steamer keeps clothes wrinkle-free on the go, a great alternative to traditional ironing.

Customized Mug

Create a personalized mug with a unique design and personal messages for warm beverage lovers.

In conclusion

Finding the perfect gender-neutral gift doesn’t have to be a daunting task.
By considering the recipient’s interests and preferences, you can select a thoughtful and meaningful present from our diverse list of ideas.
Something suits everyone, from personalized items and practical gadgets to creative experiences and eco-friendly options.
So, the next time you search for a gift transcending gender expectations, look no further than these versatile and universally appealing suggestions.

Apologies in advance. I'm on 2 different steroids for a bad poison ivy rash and it's got my mind going. Also my husband is about ready to just leave us.
So my house is a disaster zone. There isn't like poop everywhere but the clutter and garbage is everywhere. Soda cans and fucking paper mostly. I can't seem to focus enough to clean the house or remember to fucking do anything. DH keeps asking for me to do things like clean off the counter and do the dishes so he can cook, or put in a body piercing of mine I don't wear much any more. Or help with some paperwork we need to do that requires both of us. Or if he mentions we need x and I'm going to the store and I don't write it down I won't even have the thought occur to me. I'm in a constant brain fog. I can't remember to do a fucking thing. I zone out on my phone too much, snap at all our kids/dogs... I don't do shit around the house either. I know I should. I'm off track more than on track anyways.
Is this like ADD/ADHD? I do plan on going to see my doctor about this. DH's theory is low testosterone or vitamin D deficiency. Idk about the testosterone but I'm fairly sure I lack vitamin D. Could it be thyroid issues??? I just can't fucking remember shit! And good luck trying to get me to remember to take my fuckin meds if I get any. Which I probably won't because they know I smoke pot and it's listed in my chart as cannabis abuse.
I think I finally burned my last brain cell out. My oral steroid I take now I fucking lost because I could not remember where I put it. Above the kitchen sink...
My husband is ready to walk. He's been saying for a long time now he isn't happy that I don't consider him anymore. He doesn't have many clothes, nor a dresser to put them in. Hell for over 2 years he lived out of a cardboard box. I have to clean our house. We barely managed to save it from foreclosure thanks to my grandfather, but I don't deserve the house. I don't keep it clean. I'm not proud of it I guess? Idk.
He's torn apart his body trying to provide for us while I was working a cushy job at like 36 hours a week when he worked 50+. There is some kind of nerve damage or connective tissue damage and I really worry about him going back to work and suffering permanent damage.
I'm at work and he's texting me that he thinks our relationship has gone as far as it can go and it's at the end now. My stupid dumb ass self was blind to what he has been saying for so long and he feels disregarded and disrespected. Like he should be the woman and I'm the clueless man. He says he feels like a babysitter for me and nothing else. That I don't show affection. I guess I got too comfortable. I certainly let myself go. My teeth are nasty and ruined and my hair looks awful and I keep picking at my face so I look like a washed up meth addict. (My dentist gently asked me if I ever did that. I have not.)
I know I'm a piece of shit wife and mother and ain't nobody gonna convince me otherwise. I don't show affection to anyone in the family and from the outside it looks like I just want to be single so I can sit on my phone all day and not be bothered. I fucking hate myself. I have for most of my life in fact. I don't have time for therapy. I have a messy fucking house to clean and college work to do during the day and I work at night. How do adults get everything done???? I was a chaperone on a field trip and I felt more like a student than a parent. Like the "real" adults and the kids and then just me like some punk ass teenager. I have to remind myself that yes I am an adult with kids and a mortgage and a job and a husband....I don't feel qualified to be an adult.
That's one of his issues with me too. How can I not make up my fucking mind about anything? He will ask what I want for dinner for ideas since he's out of ideas and all I can give him is an idk or whatever. The thought literally does not occur to me. If it's not in visual range I can not remember it and it was never this bad before.
I guess my question is where in the fuck do I start??? He says I'm about out of time. That I haven't changed when I said I would. Yeah I want to clean the house but I get so distracted by the dogs or the kids or having to help him because his shoulder is so fucked up plus my school and trying to sleep during the day so I can work at night. I know his mood is going haywire since we are out of smoke. After fighting with the mortgage company one day (they absolutely would not do a loan modification without a fucking statement from foodstamps showing dates and amounts like it gets deposited into my bank. It does fucking not) I made the poor choice of drinking shitty gin straight on an empty stomach, assaulted my husband, said nasty things to my daughter, and almost got committed by the police. I missed 2 shifts and it fucked my check. I won't even be able to make my first mortgage payment on time since I won't get paid until the 5th. My car needs tabs by the end of the month and I don't have insurance either.
I want to change for the better so so so bad. I really do. But when it comes down to it..... nothing.... no fight to change... just.... nothing... damn near complete apathy. Like I can't be bothered.
So I guess I fucking deserve to lose it all. And I can't even say shit like that to him without the whole "boohoo stop whining" spiel.
I can't even cry. There's nothing there anymore. I don't want to live like a slob. I just don't have the energy or the focus to get anything done
I'm sorry

TW: Violence and SA mentioned
I'm 39 almost 40M. I've just retired after 21 years in the military. My life has always been crap. "Step Dad" was the first one to try to stab me, first one to shoot at me, still to this day the best fist fight I've ever had, and of course bc he was a POS he was my first sexual experience. He was a total D.
My mom's love was transactional (my wife described it like that the other day and I can't think of it any other way now). She loved me as long as I was doing something for her or being her emotional support. She just didn't love me enough to keep me safe.
6 deployments in 10 years (during the fun times between 2004 and 2014), missing the birth of all 3 of my kids due to the military, moved my wedding up so that I was there for it and 3 days after the wedding found myself in Jordan, and if course the mental and physical degradation that 21 years in the military serves up.
I'm not perfect by any means. I cheated on my wife and was caught. Within 2 weeks following that I was just Iraq. I looked for every reason to leave the FOB hoping that I wouldn't come back. I've never been suicidal, but I've found lots of ways to try and hurry the clock forward and for years I've dreamed of not waking up again.
I knew I was screwed up. I always said that I'd get help after the military. Well a bit before I retired I was working on my VA paperwork and was asked about PTSD. I freaked. Never had a panic attack before. It wasn't the thought of what had caused all of my scars, it was the idea of being labeled as so weak to have PTSD. It was the idea of admitting that I wasn't strong enough to have pulled through the crap that I've seen and who I've been and what I've done and not have scars.
My next anxiety attack was after my VA physical exam. I had researched everything about my upcoming exams. I was scheduled to have a few Tele-Health appointments and a few in person. One of the Tele-Health appointments was the PTSD exam. I got the name of the Dr and researched everything that I could find on her. I needed to know exactly what was going to be asked, who the Doc was, where she graduated from, how long since she'd gotten her degree, where all she'd practiced, I needed to know EVERYTHING just so that I could assure myself that I'd make it through the appointment.
I go to the in person exam get exrays and such and then m ready to start the exam with the Doc. She asked me the basic questions, have you ever deployed, have you seen bodies, are you safe, have you been suicidal. Then she says OK we're going to start the physical exam now. I demanded that we finish the mental health exam first, that I needed it finished before I could do anything else. The Doc looked at me crazy and said that will be a different appointment and that it should have been scheduled. Those were the routine questions.
I broke again. My face was leaking and everything. I've always laughed at setting the box of tissues in the doctor's offices and then I was going through them like crazy. We do the physical exam and you're supposed to stop the range of motion as soon as you feel pain. I was holding in the big explosion of the panic attack and needed to leave ASAP. I treated it like the past 15 years of medical appointments, nope, I'm fine there's nothing wrong!
I left the place drove 3 parking lots away parked and finished out that panic attack. That one went on for about 3 hours at max chaos. I was calling out vehicles like we'd do while on the road in Kabul. It was quite a while before I was able to calm myself.
Panic attack 3 was after the mental health Tele-Health appointment. I was counting on that one happening, so I was in the garage away from everyone and had locked myself in there so that nobody would see me while I was going through it.
I got seen be a therapist between the first and second appointment. I've been going for months now. I'm on 3 different happy pills (1 is prescribed for my migraine but it's also used as an antidepressant). I'm seen every week until this month and now I'm on every 2 weeks.
Last Friday I went off the deep end. My wife was over bought for medical Thursday night and I couldn't sleep (I'm terrified of losing her, I'm not good enough, she deserves so much better, I'm worthless, you get the idea of my everyday state of mind where my wife is concerned). Anyway, basically no sleep Thursday night and it was the first night I've missed taking my meds.
Friday I pick her up at 630 and bring her home. My original plan was take her to breakfast bc I know she doesn't sleep well away from home. She says she'd rather just get home. I feel rejected bc I'm not good enough (the go to feeling). So I'm driving us home and the rejection stings way more than it should, even I could tell that I was taking it harder than what I should. I could tell she's tired and wants to get to the house.
I drop her off and drove my daughter to school. After drop off I'm planning to run to the pet store. Instead I stop in the has station parking lot and text my wife. Her preferred form of communication on heavy topics is writing, so I'm trying to be courteous. I wrote 3 long paragraphs basically suing that I think she still loves me, but ask her if she's still in love with me.
I drive to the pet store, a message comes in from her but I can't handle opening it while I'm around people. I grab the stiff from there and drive back to the gas station and read her response. She says she's 100% in love with me. Instead of being uplifted and get happy I start crying. I've cried a handful of times through my life and now I feel like I'm just a big baby with how much it happens now, but at least this time I knew why.
I got home, started on chores and avoided my wife. She goes to take a nap, so I go out to the garage to clean. And by clean I mean pick something up and through it a hard as I can in the general direction of where it actually belongs. After an hour of "cleaning" I'm done breaking my own garage. Now I've had anger issues, but it's usually that I can't open a ziplock bag while making the kid's lunches. I flash red hot, curse, and then start to come back down. With everything that my "step dad" did, I refuse to be physical or break crap just bc I'm having a tantrum.
Throwing things and trying to break things, I think that this was 1 of 3 times throughout my entire life that I've done this. 1 I was under 15, 2 I was outside and throwing cinder blocks as far as I could (back yard throwing them in the grass not causing destruction, just needed to blow my top for a while), and 3 had now happened in the garage.
I go inside and sit there for a while and finally can't help myself I text my wife asking if she's in love with me then why siren she ever give me affection? Like I said, I cheated. It was 18 years ago, but I remember the feeling of not being able to breathe and having every single bit of will to live sucked out of my body that night. I deployed right after and when I got home home she didn't want to talk about it.
I asked her if it weren't for my son would we be together. He write were piercing my soul when she said she didn't know. I knew the honest answer by the tone and hurt in her voice. It was 20 months after I got home before we even had an open mouthed kiss. Since then we are intimate about twice a year.
I've always been physical in the way I give and receive love. We did the Love Languages and I found out her love languages. I've tried so hard to fill her love bank, but my account is still in the red.
Over the past few years I've tried to ignore everything passionate. I need her affection so badly, but it got to the point where every night going to bed next to her and not being intimate felt like a rejection to me. I was hurt to badly for too long, so I stopped talking sex all that I could. Sometimes I'd slip and start a conversation, but I think I've been really good at containing it.
Lucky for me all of the meds I've started writing the past year have dropped my libedo tons. I don't feel rejected bc we are only going to sleep. I don't have a ton of resentment each time that we get out of the shower and she's dressing. I don't feel like someone is kicking me in the ding ding bc it's been 3 or 4 months without enough intimacy so that our tongues embrace during a kiss.
Last Friday though I needed to know if she needed me in her life or if she needed a provider in her life. I had sent the text and then stewed on my situation a bit. I knew that I was way more raw than I'd been in a long time. It was a while before I realized that I hadn't taken my meds the night before. The light bulb is my brain tried to come on, but I was so miserable that I couldn't course correct my emotions.
I sent a text to her saying I'm sorry, I missed my meds last night can we pause this conversation until tomorrow. I guess she woke up shortly after bc I got a text with her saying that she had no words and asked me to come to lay down with her. I get up there and I say I'm sorry.
The next thing I know I'm in the fetal position and she's trying to hold me and comfort me. I have no idea how long that panic attack went for, but she got to see one for the first time from me and hopefully it will be the last. She held me until I came back to myself.
We had a busy week this week, so not a ton of time to dwell on it all. She went to therapy with me this past Wednesday. I'd invited her some time ago wanting to share the where I started and where in at papers that is written as part of CPT. I read to her and explained the best I could. My therapist told her honestly where she thought I'm at and gave her a bit of advice on dealing with me.
Since then I find myself wanting to talk daily about what I'm struggling with. I wasn't her to be a part of my heeling, bc without my best friend I will never heal. I've only dropped small bits of conversation starters about my PTSD. I'm afraid of becoming a burden on her so I don't want to unload on her.
Today I sent a sexual text to her. I tried to recall it as soon as I hit send. It doesn't work that way. She replied back honestly (I don't feel like she's ever lieing except where she says good things about me). I love her honesty. She wasn't brutal or anything and her wording was very gentle.
I still feel crushed. I'm not at the point like last Friday where the little voice inside laughs and says, Yup sooner or later you're going to kill yourself, but I still feel horrible. Not even that I'm not having sex, but bc I've promised myself so many times that I wouldn't put her in that situation anymore and that I wouldn't open that door for myself knowing that it's going to come right back into my face.
That's a lot of typing. Where I need help... had anyone had luck in figuring out how to communicate without making their PTSD their entire personality and boring everyone around them out? Had anyone found a sure fire way to put out the flames of their libido that keeping flashing to life?
What else can I do to avoid suck starting my 40? I can't keep putting my family though this.
Please don't comment leaving my life, divorce, ect. Doing that is the one way to shorten my calendar down to days or hours. She helps me even when she not trying. I love her beyond words.