Free stardoll stuff for superstars 2011

Self Published Writers

2011.04.04 20:12 wagedomain Self Published Writers

A place to discuss just about everything in the world of indie books. *Not* a place for self-promotion.
[link]


2021.04.06 20:30 Aizsheet_Midrurorz RuffAndTuff Curated Music

A new subreddit run by RUFFANDTUFFRECORDINGS artists, friends, & family where we share and find captivating, original, and brutal bass music and music production/industry conversations and music ideas.
[link]


2012.07.29 16:48 dyslexic1991 Instrumental Grime

this subreddit focuses on instrumental grime in all its forms, a music genre that branched out from UK garage in the early 2000s alongside our close relative dubstep. It is constructed from different sounds that musically combine futuristic electronic elements and dark, guttural bass lines. It shares influences with many genres but mostly with UK garage, dubstep, jungle (140 music) and dancehall. Lastly, please read the rules in the below sidebar before posting
[link]


2024.05.19 02:29 Reebtog Best platform for Dynasty FF?

Our Dynasty league is on NFL.com and is pretty limited in some of the stuff you can do (1:1 trade picks is my biggest gripe). I was wondering if there was an consensus for the best platform to host Dynasty Leagues? Are there any good Free platforms worth using or are paid sites the absolute best?
Thanks in advance and apologies if this has been asked a bunch before.
submitted by Reebtog to DynastyFF [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:29 basra2424 54M married looking for a long term chatting/texting friends, US/Anywhere. W4M

Hello,
W4M
54M married looking for a long term chatting/texting friends, US/Anywhere. I'm looking to make some open minded friends that enjoy talking about any and everything, I love the outdoor stuff, travel, food, sports, movies, music, please be 18 and older and drama free. I hope to hear from
submitted by basra2424 to textfriends [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:23 BabyBird4444 People who exist without shame

Just how? I don’t understand people like this. I feel like sober people are very familiar with the shame feeling — and don’t get me wrong, my shame VASTLY improved when I quit drinking because I simply have fewer incidents of shameful behavior lol or just less intense incidents
But I always see people who live without shame — I am just so confused about it. I grew up in a household where my parents were both smokers but they hid it even though it was super obvious & my dad is an alcoholic but he also would try to conceal bringing his beer to the fridge, try to hide his beer behind his back, BUT WE ALL SEE IT?!?! It is weird and crazy, but I feel like that hiding behavior totally shifted things for me growing up and I began hiding stuff/feeling ashamed for every little thing from a super young age. Of course there is the other perspective that my parents were just trying to protect my naivety but the fact this behavior has carried over into my adulthood (I’m 24) is nuts to me.
I observe other people who can unashamedly engage in “bad” things like alcohol, drugs, smoking, vaping, etc. and I don’t understand… I just want to live a shame-free life—it is totally overwhelming at times and impacts my relationships. I am ashamed of the people I date, I hide them and feel like I can’t bring them home for some weird reason. I am so self conscious and I assign morality to the most pointless shit it just gets exhausting. Part of me feels like this is OCD with how much I obsess over myself and my self hatred lmao. I just want to be SHAMELESS!!!! Those are my favorite people seriously, I love them because they are authentic. I just am so critical of myself I feel like I have to be perfect and good to be worthy of living. I dunno
submitted by BabyBird4444 to stopdrinking [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:22 Mathdebater404 I can barely breath there’s so much uphomiedoyouneedacuddle around here

(Please ask me what it is)
Hey so I’m a 26 year old dude from the UK staying up past my bedtime looking for a reason not to sleep
Here’s some (not so) interesting facts about me:
I’ve competed in a sport called powerlifting at an international level and all I have to show for it is my mum asking me to move furniture and saying “tHeRes YoUR wOrkoUt For ThE dAy”
I’ve graduated university with a maths degree (don’t ask me for help though I’m still not confident)
I play guitar and piano which has been critically acclaimed as “average”
I’ve devoted my whole life to be terrible at gaming
There’s probably even some other stuff, if you can believe that.
Feel free to message me, drop a smoke signal, shine the Batman light, whatever you feel comfortable with
submitted by Mathdebater404 to Needafriend [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:21 Mathdebater404 I can barely breath there’s so much uphomiedoyouneedacuddle around here

(Please ask me what it is)
Hey so I’m a 26 year old dude from the UK staying up past my bedtime looking for a reason not to sleep
Here’s some (not so) interesting facts about me:
I’ve competed in a sport called powerlifting at an international level and all I have to show for it is my mum asking me to move furniture and saying “tHeRes YoUR wOrkoUt For ThE dAy”
I’ve graduated university with a maths degree (don’t ask me for help though I’m still not confident)
I play guitar and piano which has been critically acclaimed as “average”
I’ve devoted my whole life to be terrible at gaming
There’s probably even some other stuff, if you can believe that.
Feel free to message me, drop a smoke signal, shine the Batman light, whatever you feel comfortable with
submitted by Mathdebater404 to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:19 AnythingJunior8650 Should I sell all of my individual shares?

A few years ago I signed up for a bunch of FinTech investment apps which gave me some free shares after meeting certain criteria. Recently I have consolidated all my assets in Fidelity and I'm working on simplifying my portfolio.
My 401k, IRA, and HSA are all invest in total market mutual funds which is the only thing I plan on investing in from now on. The problem is I still own a few shares in over a dozen companies and I am wondering if I should just sell them.
They currently make-up a very small portion of my portfolio so I don't think it matters either way but I wanted to talk to some people about it before doing anything. I'm the first in my family to have any sort of financial stability so stuff like this stresses me out.
Here are the pros and cons I have come up with.
Pros of Selling:
Cons of Selling:
My conclusion is that it's best to just sell them and be done with it, but I would love to hear what people on here have to say.
submitted by AnythingJunior8650 to stocks [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:17 breadybreads Assistantship

I (F23) have been looking into becoming a hairstylist as it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. I have a degree in marketing which can be really beneficial.
I know with school and starting out the pay isn’t that great but after experience you can make good money. Longterm I would love to specialize in blondes and extensions. My parents are super against it and told me I’d be working for free as an assistant for 3 years before I can get clients.
The owner of the school I toured said it depends on the salon and stuff, but it’s usually 6 months and you’re not unpaid. I can’t find anymore information about this online. When do you become an assistant and how long are you an assistant until you’re an actual stylist?
Also do some salons offer salary and benefits? That’s a huge concern my parents have as they think all stylists make $2 an hour with no insurance or benefits. Any advice/input 😅
submitted by breadybreads to hairstylist [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:14 AnythingJunior8650 Should I sell all my individual shares?

A few years ago I signed up for a bunch of FinTech investment apps which gave me some free shares after meeting certain criteria. Recently I have consolidated all my assets in Fidelity and I'm working on simplifying my portfolio.
My 401k, IRA, and HSA are all invest in total market mutual funds which is the only thing I plan on investing in from now on. The problem is I still own a few shares in over a dozen companies and I am wondering if I should just sell them. They currently make-up a very small portion of my portfolio so I don't think it matters either way but I wanted to talk to some people about it before doing anything. I'm the first in my family to have any sort of financial stability so stuff like this stresses me out.
Here are the pros and cons I have come up with.
Pros of Selling:
Cons of Selling:
My conclusion is that it's best to just sell them and be done with it, but I would love to hear what people on here have to say.
submitted by AnythingJunior8650 to personalfinance [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:14 PropBet Offshore Sportsbooks for US Customers

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submitted by PropBet to u/PropBet [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:13 MangoTamer Hypothesis: Drinking human breast milk could give you allergies.

I'm going to list out each of my current knowledge points. Feel free to debunk them at any step in my logical process. But I have a theory. And I wasn't really sure where to post it but this seems like a pretty well educated and pretty populated place so here I go.
  1. Some allergies are the result of an immune system response to something that the immune system thinks is a threat. That's how you get tick bites that give you meat allergies.
  2. Human babies build their immune system with help from the placenta and breast milk from the mother. Basically whatever antibodies the mother has, they get passed on to the child to help them get started.
  3. If the mother has allergies and those allergies are the results of an immune system response to something that shouldn't be seen as a threat but is seen as a threat... Then in theory, the mother could pass her allergies on to her child. Or husband. Or adoptive child. Or random stranger that buys breast milk from the mother because for some reason they can't produce their own. It happens. Whatever.
Is any part of this logic debunked? Has this been researched anywhere at all? I saw one research article saying that mothers would be unable to improve their own immune systems by drinking their own milk but that doesn't test whether or not they improve their immune systems by drinking a different mother's milk. Does that make sense? Like obviously if you drink your own stuff you're not getting any new antibodies that you didn't already have. You know?
submitted by MangoTamer to medlabprofessionals [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:12 Oneironautiluss Without it turning into a Camp chores and cooking simulator, how would you realistically want the camping experience in DD2 to be expanded?

I think the obvious ones would be to expand the pawn/NPC banter and emotes rather than them just sitting there like a powered down T-1000 and having more recipe options for buffs. I am curious what more creative stuff would be good to add that wouldn't be far from feasible or outside the spirit of the game.
I want to emphasize that these things should not make camping more restrictive or bloating but rather add value to interaction. The option of pulling over and passing out to pass the time hassle free should not be removed. In one of my points I started to rant about crafting and figured it would be best to separate that out since it is long winded and applies to all games much moreso than DD2. Ignore this preface on the argument in favor of completely overhauling crafting if that's not something you care about.
.if all i'm doing is pressing button on the environment and hitting confirm to combine in the menu then I feel like I'm balancing spreadsheets more than crafting. At that point I will probably just use mods to get what I need out of tedium exhaustion. When you make the process of something fun, immersive, and engaging, THAT is when you go from mundane and uninspiring to excellent. An easy way to do that is with engaging little mini-games or bits of character interaction within the process. I think any game that has a crafting system these days is just doing it out of obligation and honestly I would prefer it just not be in 90% of games if all they are going to do is make me practice pressing confirm to remove computer pop-ups. So IFyou're going to create a crafting mechanic, let me crush up some berries, mix some bubble fizzy gooey stuff, pour together some science liquids and give me bonouses for getting a rhythm down or coordination mechanic down. TOBE FAIR; I haven't thought of anything more reasonable than little rhythm sequences or phone game level coordination type stuff. I am open to suggestions. Back to the point. Literally if you just make it auto-animate my character using a pestle&mortar or shaking up some vials as I move my cursor on over 3D models of the resources I collected layed out in my camp then the added immersion and visual aesthetic is worth way more than the efficiency of what I will refer to as spreadsheet stat crafting. Like at that point just prompt an IDE or cmd prompt and let me run a script to craft my variables so I can get back to the game. So all this to say; I think if Itsuno/Capcom want to have a crafting system. Spend the effort in making an actual system or something worth engaging in like Monster Hunter World's Bacooking menu which is briliantly done imo. The camping mechanic such as it is in DD2 right now could be a great platform for that.
My thoughts;
submitted by Oneironautiluss to DragonsDogma [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:09 olivegarden776 26 EST looking for someone to play league/tft, pokerogue and other games

Hey looking for friends to play games or maybe watch stuff with. I have a lot of free time so I'm usually available unless I'm like passed out.
stuff about me
I play the saxohpone, clarinet and ewi mediocrely.
Have a degree in something I know nothing about.
Games that I play
League, last epoch, tft, palworld, enshrouded, 7 days to die, terraria, mc, grounded, lethal company, fire emblem, pokemon, stardew, osrs, planet crafter, no rest for the wicked and maplestory
I only use discord so dm me yours cause reddit sucks.
Also please be like 20+
submitted by olivegarden776 to GamerPals [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:08 olivegarden776 26m NYC looking for new friends

Hey looking for friends to play games or maybe watch stuff with. I have a lot of free time so I'm usually available unless I'm like passed out.
stuff about me
I play the saxohpone, clarinet and ewi mediocrely.
I'm half asian half white if that sort of stuff matters to you.Have a degree in something I know nothing about.
Games that I play
League, last epoch, tft, palworld, enshrouded, 7 days to die, terraria, mc, grounded, lethal company, fire emblem, pokerogue, osrs, planet crufter, no rest for the wicked and maplestory
I only use discord so dm me yours cause reddit sucks.
Also please be like 20+
submitted by olivegarden776 to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 02:00 trill5000 [WTS/WTT] Jarvis FN mk2 threaded barrel,DD iron sights, 12.5" wolf upper, LFA pro comp 19 slide and more

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/6aJ60PU
Serial numbers:https://imgur.com/a/hiSeIwO
NO PAYPAL! HAVE ZELLE, CASHAPP AND VENMO. THANKS Trades I'm interested RMR, SRO, x300, cool stuff open to offers
More pictures:https://imgur.com/a/11q8j63
Jarvis FN 5.7 mk2 threaded barrel, has about 200 rounds through it. Worked great just getting out out of 5.7. $330 shipped
Wolf 12.5 Mlok Piston Upper, was originally a 16" cutdown by D. Wilson, had mlok rail, original rail and a rock river rear sight/eotech riser. Has a about 500 rounds on it. Runs great surpressed and actually pretty smooth. Just don't really need it anymore. $525 shipped
Live free armory pro comp Glock 19 compete slide gen 3. Has about 100 rounds through it. Just wanted to try it out but like more Roland more. $290 shipped. https://imgur.com/a/2ZNL8lI
KAC m4 RAS has some salt and over spray but nothing major. Titusville marked. $180 shipped
203 handguard with leaf sight, has some salt. $120 shipped
Troy alpha rail 9" has been cut to work with a carbine fsb , has also been spray painted. Has the hardware but no barrel nut. (Uses a standard nut) $70 shipped
2 Ruger mini 14 300 bo 20 round mags. Never fired. Both for $55 shipped
FN 5.7 20 round mags $35 a piece , $ 85 for all 3 Pro mag fn 57 30 round mags both shipped for $40
Matech rear sight, been painted of green. Otherwise fine $60 shipped
Key hole carry handle and aim point mount. Has some salt. $60 shipped
~~Surefire m951 light, has no mount but works fine. Some salt. $75 shipped ~~
Surefire fat body, works , has a mount but is missing a screw. $100 shipped
Broken mantis black Beard , the laser won't work but the trigger mechanism/reset thing still works. Idk if mantis will fix it but just been sitting around. $55 shipped
~~BCM stock pretty much new, never used. $55 shipped comes with a salty b5 grip ~~
Daniel defense iron sights with some salt and over spray. $80 shipped
PA SLX micro compact 1x , great shape. Come with original mount, a low holosun mount, caps and box. $170 shipped
Q 30 cal Cherry bomb 5-8x24 has some carbon. $55 shipped
submitted by trill5000 to GunAccessoriesForSale [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 01:56 Th1s1sagamertag [GM4A] The Stormlight Archive

I'm giving one of my favorite book series a reread, and it's reminded me how interesting the setting of Roshar is. Also, it's been some time since I've done a long-lasting RP, so I'd love to run something in the complex and dangerous world of Roshar. Don't worry if your knowledge of the setting patchy or nonexistent as long as you're interested in a fantasy world full of mystery, politics, and magic.
About me some, you can call me Star. I'm 25, work a 9-5, and all my hobbies are the type of nerd stuff you'd expect. Fantasy, TTRPGs, Warhammer, MTG, all that jazz, haha. I'll be writing in 3rd person as I'm DMing and would prefer my partner does the same, and I generally shoot for 3 paragraph responses but that will often change as I really just write whatever needs written. Long responses to set up scenes or explain complicated scenarios, short responses for back and forth conversation, and such. I'm sure you get it. I can probably manage a few responses at work, but mostly, I'll be available between 6pm-2am EST on weekdays. Weekends are totally free for me, though.
I'm very open-ended for whatever character and story you may be interested in. It'll be something we can discuss later. I love telling people about one of my favorite book series, so if you need me to, I'll happily answer any questions you may have.
If you're interested, shoot me a DM, and we can move over to Discord to figure things out. Hope to hear from you all soon!
submitted by Th1s1sagamertag to Roleplay [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 01:56 Heavy_Perspective792 Hydro-mod

Hydro-mod
Ok, expected more oil for $11 but education is never free.
I think I’m going to hydro-mod one of my classics first, because I keep destroying watches trying new stuff.
Any tips?
submitted by Heavy_Perspective792 to DuroMods [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 01:55 Th1s1sagamertag [GM4A] The Stormlight Archive

I'm giving one of my favorite book series a reread, and it's reminded me how interesting the setting of Roshar is. Also, it's been some time since I've done a long-lasting RP, so I'd love to run something in the complex and dangerous world of Roshar. Don't worry if your knowledge of the setting patchy or nonexistent as long as you're interested in a fantasy world full of mystery, politics, and magic.
About me some, you can call me Star. I'm 25, work a 9-5, and all my hobbies are the type of nerd stuff you'd expect. Fantasy, TTRPGs, Warhammer, MTG, all that jazz, haha. I'll be writing in 3rd person as I'm DMing and would prefer my partner does the same, and I generally shoot for 3 paragraph responses but that will often change as I really just write whatever needs written. Long responses to set up scenes or explain complicated scenarios, short responses for back and forth conversation, and such. I'm sure you get it. I can probably manage a few responses at work, but mostly, I'll be available between 6pm-2am EST on weekdays. Weekends are totally free for me, though.
I'm very open-ended for whatever character and story you may be interested in. It'll be something we can discuss later. I love telling people about one of my favorite book series, so if you need me to, I'll happily answer any questions you may have.
If you're interested, shoot me a DM, and we can move over to Discord to figure things out. Hope to hear from you all soon!
submitted by Th1s1sagamertag to roleplaying [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 01:55 Accomplished_Radish8 Is the danger of Bio Solids not common knowledge yet?

I keep seeing posts over the last few weeks in which either the OP has mentioned using free compost from their landfill or commenters are recommending free landfill compost as a price-saving option. What I’d like to know is what percentage of people are aware of just how toxic the bio solids are that are in that compost?
Is it not common sense for most that if the compost that’s available from the local dump is “free”… then it’s because it has stuff in it that they don’t want to have to pay to dispose of? I was under the impression that more people would be aware of this by now considering how many news articles were covering it 10+ years ago when it was first discovered that there’s nearly no regulation of bio-solids.
For those that think I’m overreacting or spreading misinformation, take a read through this article from 2019.
https://amp.theguardian.com/environment/2019/oct/05/biosolids-toxic-chemicals-pollution
submitted by Accomplished_Radish8 to gardening [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 01:52 throwawaydeathcup My bf got back together with me but I think he’s out of love

Compared to other tales in this community, this is just dumb. But I have no actual friends at this point (hahaha) just people I hang out with and no one besides my boyfriend to actually talk about stuff. I also refrain from talking about my relationship issues in general since the people around me frown upon my relationship greatly (he’s 42, I’m 20. I know it sounds creepy, but he’s really nice), so I always try to focus on the good side when I talk about him.
I fell in love with my boyfriend because he is an extremely loving, caring man. Very dedicated to spoiling me and making me feel good. He used to compliment me all the time about the smallest things nobody has ever noticed about me. Never took me for granted, always came up with ways to surprise me. It was very noticeable that he loved me and I also love him very much.
He is a musician who plays in bars. When we started dating, I’d stand and watch his band play the entire night and barely drink since I usually work in weekends. However, he told me nobody does that and I should start enjoying the bar like everyone else. So I started, slowly, having a beer or two and talking to more people.
That worked out nicely for a while, until he played in a specific day I didn’t have to work the next morning and I allowed myself to party a little harder.
I socialized , got way too drunk and fell asleep in a chair. No big fuck ups, in my opinion, considering some people do or say really shitty things when they get this drunk. But it was a big deal for him, for sure. Next morning he was super upset about the fact I barely watched the band, fell asleep mid set and was a pain in the ass to wake me up.
He was very, very, very upset. I also understand that he has had a relationship with an alcoholic in the past that really traumatized him, so me getting black out drunk wasn’t very cute and helpful.
We talked it through. I understood his side, sincerely apologized and promised it was a one time situation. We were broken up for 3 days, then we met up because I needed my charger back and the flame was still there. We had amazing sex and he asked me to be his girlfriend again, all I wanted.
However, since then he has been treating me very differently. First of all, he always reminds me of this incident. Every single time we go out he makes a bitter joke about it and it makes me feel like shit. He’s also been saying that his back has been hurting a lot so he rarely ever feels like sex. When we’re together, despite the issues above, he’s very nice but not as caring as he used to be. I always have to initiate cuddles, conversations or make the effort to see him. But the worst part of it all is that he’s barely texting me. He usually goes out at night around 9pm and I won’t hear anything from him until 5pm the next day. His texts are always very blunt and short. Like:
“How is your day so far?”
“Good”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Going out”
This wouldn’t be terrible if he didn‘t get me used with paragraphs for a “good morning“ text.
This Monday I told him I would have quite a busy schedule, but we could see each other Saturday night. He agreed. Yesterday I texted him about one of his favorite bands (that I don’t even like) doing a free concert today and he left me on seen. I texted him in the morning, asking if we would go, because if yes I’d have to take a nice change of clothes to work to get there on time. Again, at 5pm, he texted me “I never heard about this concert, I have different plans”. I felt wrenched.
I think that this whole drunken incident hurt him more deeply than he’d like to admit. And to be completely honest, I understand I triggered him but it’s not like it was a recurrent or planned situation to make him suffer, so I dont think I deserve this kind of treatment. Maybe I should break up with him for good, because it feels like he doesn’t really want to be with me anymore but can’t say it. This hurts me a lot because I still love him a great deal, but I would rather be broken up than feeling like shit.
submitted by throwawaydeathcup to offmychest [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 01:45 Shastakine AITA for questioning my husband about cross contamination in his food truck?

Backstory: My husband runs a food truck with his mom in the summer and maintains a daily full time job, I work full time in mental health. We often bicker about everything from who forgot to fill the water pitcher last to whether our mother's are disrespectful to each other. We have a pattern of questioning each other on stuff we know the other knows more about. Further context, I don't work on his truck, but I do maintain the paperwork side of it (accounting, licensing, food safety certifications, etc).
The situation: I brought our toddler up to the truck today to see daddy and grandma, otherwise he doesn't get to see them as much in the summer. A customer asked what they had that was gluten free, and he said they have corn chips for the nachos and corn tortillas. We marinate all our meat by hand and buy fresh veggies and queso for toppings, but we do toast the corn tortillas and the flour tortillas on the same pan for the tacos. So I asked, "but what about cross contamination?" in front of the customer. He kind of snapped at me and said, "it's fine, it's not a problem." The customer didn't get anything and he lectured me that I don't work on the truck, no one's ever complained, and that he knows what he's doing. I think I'm trying to make sure we don't accidentally make anyone sick and/or get a lawsuit. I know for things like tree nut allergies, even being in the same airspace as a peanut can be deadly for some people, celiac people out there, can it be the same? I'd rather be safe than sorry.
submitted by Shastakine to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 01:43 zarabeth94 A place to get rid of art supplies and feel good about it

One of my biggest hurdles in decluttering is being a third generation crafter…..and third generation pack rat. I have my own craft supplies, plus those my mom has given me, and supplies I received when my grandmother passed. In addition I also have supplies from crafty aunts and well meaning friends. But it’s too much! And it’s also really really nice stuff in new or like new condition that I feel terrible throwing away or giving to a thrift shop. The thrift shop donations make me feel weird when it come to craft supplies because I feel like the shop won’t know what to do with the supplies and just toss them, or places like Goodwill will mark them up and then no one will buy them.
Then I found out about free art supply closets.
There’s one in my town, Sacramento CA, and there’s more popping up throughout California and some other states. Since I first started going there I have taken huge bags and boxes of stuff and they put it out in what is basically a free for all “store”. I’ve even taken some supplies others have donated that finally helped me complete projects I’ve been putting off. I’m the kind of person who feels bad just throwing things away, and I’m working on getting better at that. In the mean time though I highly recommend finding a local free art supply closet if you want your crafting supplies to be out of your life but not wasted. I’m even helping my other family members take trips there and it feels so good to de clutter multiple peoples houses while giving back to the crafting community
submitted by zarabeth94 to declutter [link] [comments]


2024.05.19 01:40 naivaall I (17f) feel robbed of the teenage experience + behind socially.

This is long to read if your on mobile (I am) any advice helps, thanks.
I, (17f) am about to be a senior in high school and I’ve kind of realized how behind I feel in life.
For background I have very strict parents, and one of them is emotionally absent (I think she’s a narcissist but we will never know) and I don’t think she likes me very much. That’s besides the point however, but she’s kind of hands off in my life not in the “I don’t care what you do” way, but in the “I don’t want you to do anything but school and home” way but she won’t help me do anything else.
My dad however he’s involved more with me and I really appreciate him, but he’s still strict in the sense that if I go somewhere he has to be the one to take me and bring me back, and I have to let him know weeks in advance. This makes it really inconvenient for me socially because we live in the middle of nowhere. Or not nowhere, but an EXTREMELY car dependent area. Like a shopping center a 10 minute drive away, but a 3 hour walk along a narrow empty road kind of nowhere. Meaning no public transport, and without him I’m physically stuck at home. (Ubers not allowed). My parents also don’t really do family bonding stuff to get new experiences. Every somewhat interesting experience I’ve had in my life thus far has come from my oldest brother and his fiance who I also consider my sister who are both twice my age. Meaning I can’t really relate to them on a personal level, but since my brother knows how my parents are he really makes and effort to be there and help me in basically everything. Like if I didn’t have him, I’d never know what an amusement park like six flags is like, I would never have been to Panera bread, I’d never see a movie, id be typing this on a leapfrog, and I’d literally never do anything. at all. That’s how mundane my parents lives are and since they’re older(60s), and come from a really rough life (they migrated here) they’re kind of content with work, home, eat, sleep, repeat. Maybe once in a blue moon go out to eat, or shop at a department store for furniture or something. My mom in particular has also kind of given up being a parent because of me and my siblings age gap, it’s like I’m a ghost to her. I do a lot of stuff myself not by choice. Like If I was told to pack only my things and go, I’d literally pack my entire room. Everything in it except for the mattress and major furniture was purchased by me, or my brother and sister (his fiance). All my shoes, 80% of my clothes, and all else have been bought by me/siblings since I was 15 i think?
I’ve never had a family trip/vacation even to like somewhere local/close. Everywhere we go has to have some sort of legitimate purpose, and when I bring this up to my parents they bring up those types of trips. “Remember when we went to Florida!” But we stayed for literally a day and a half soley for the purpose of attending my brother’s graduation when I was like 8. “Remember when we went to Canada” again for a day and a half just for some church program thing (super Christian). Again when I was like 12. I’m too young to do anything for fun in their eyes or take public transport, but I’m allowed to have my job. Even then I can’t work more than once a week because they’ll complain about having to take me and pick me up as I’m reliant on them for transportation. I’ve been pushing them to get my lisence, but they keep stalling for god knows why. And to knock this out, no they are not financially struggling. On top of that I have no family aside from them/my siblings in the US, so I literally have nobody. My brother, I love him and his help but I feel like I’m holding him back from truly being able to let them go and be free of constant contact with them for other reasons, because he still wants to be in my life and help me.
Earlier I said one of my parents is emotionally absent, it’s no secret but it’s my mom, pretty sure she hates me and I don’t know why, but I’m over it. Suddenly after I turned 11 she just has this constant need to argue with me, put me down, or literally do anything just to assume the worst of me or not be happy for me. The issue with that is, she also doesn’t DO anything. My dad does literally EVERYTHING. He cooks, he takes me to school, he picks me up, he takes me to the doctor, he goes to any ceremonies, everything. It’s so bad that some of my friends deliberately avoided bringing up mothers because they thought my dad was a single dad (my mom is hands off my life so I never bring her up and she’s never in a position to meet them). So I feel 10x guilty anytime I want to even go to the grocery store because I know it’s going to fall on my dad alone and I don’t want to make it harder for him when he does a lot already. I can’t go out with any friends, but when I want to do something alone I can’t do it because it’s suspicious that I want to do it alone. Relationships have always been out of the question, the romance isn’t worth the shit show aftermath at home. And as I get older when I see people my age driving, going out, getting piercings, dye jobs, tattoos, doing weekday shifts, relationships, it kind of hits me that I’m literally so behind and have accomplished nothing outside of academics. It’s led to “what’s the point” thoughts which I have to work through alone because just my luck in the eyes of my parents depression and sewerslidal thoughts are diseases. It’s so bad that when my mom (shocker) asked me if I was depressed a few days ago I instantly said no because I knew it was not genuine. It was 100% bait that would’ve turned into a long lecture as to why I’m wrong even though I hate to self diagnose but I honestly think I have been for a while. The constant isolation (not by choice) has gotten terrible to the point where I’m starting to hear shit and see shit when I’m alone and it’s kind of freaking me out. My one and only vice is impulsive spending online because I literally have nothing to look forward to having money for.
My brothers done so much for me. He bought me my first phone, everything. I keep telling myself to just wait until I’m 18 to live life, but I then think I’d still have missed a decent or somewhat normal high school experience. All that alone time gives me the opportunity to learn a lot of random stuff, and I always end up viewed as the “mature” or “smart-experienced-therapist-like” figure (key word figure because I’m NONE of that) in my friendships and it sucks because due to past experiences of opening up to my mom, I have trouble expressing how I feel to others. No im not mature and handling my own, I just have no idea how to talk about my issues/feelings to others in person. Like no I’m not some know it all fortune teller. Sometimes I literally just want to have someone to feel stupid with you know? Like I want to be able to leave my brain at home with someone and not feel like I’m breaking character or something. I hate being told I carry myself maturely, or I’m an old soul or down to earth by people older than me etc. I don’t want to be. I hate being looked at weird or with wide eyes when I laugh, smile, or joke because for some reason people think it’s not “like me”. I don’t even know what to do, or where to start. Everyone thinks I just have shit sorted and just make moves in silence or something when I’m literally in crisis. I feel weird to even cry, ME a 17 year old girl feels like it’s a crime to cry infront of anyone. None of my friends have ever seen me cry. And I almost did once infront of two of them because of a really bad moment of clarity that my life sucks. They just stared at me like I was some specimen because they didn’t know I was capable of crying I guess? If anyone even reads this I don’t even know what to do. I don’t even know if I make any sense. And I read this over and edited it in less detail because I think my feelings are corny and it sounds stupid and ik that’s my problem even on Reddit UGH.
And disclaimer, no I am not a danger to myself or anyone else, I’m not itching to kick the bucket it’s just a big “ugh” moment.
submitted by naivaall to Advice [link] [comments]


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