Dr seuss birthday art ideas for preschoolers
Cinemagraphs: Elegant gifs for a more civilized age.
2011.05.04 15:52 Chickens_dont_clap Cinemagraphs: Elegant gifs for a more civilized age.
Cinemagraphs are living photographs, seamlessly put together usually in gif or webm format.
2012.01.19 11:05 wizeguise Creative types, UNITE
2011.01.05 01:13 dawnvivant A place to exchange handmade crafty goods
A place for redditors to exchange handmade crafts. Please refer to the wiki for trade guidelines. Not a place for self promotion or sales.
2024.05.19 01:45 TheFalseViddaric The New Data Drug
I messed up. I messed up bad.
“Never get high on your own supply”. The human who sold me this data told me it was a saying from his world. But I had to be sure it was the real deal. After all, data drugs that worked on people without a brain interface installed? It was unheard of. But here I am [30 hours] later, and I no longer doubt. I feel utterly exhausted despite having barely moved. My every neuron feels fried. All 6 grasping appendages are sore from the repetitive motions, and my eyes are dry and unfocused from the long strain I have put them through. I feel intense pangs of hunger and thirst, as I haven’t eaten or drank since I started this test.
I still want more. But with a great effort of will I force myself away from the screen of my computing terminal and stumble to my pantry so I may attend to my body’s needs. As I gulp down nutrient drinks and chew some dried fruit, I reflect on the trance I’ve somehow barely managed to pull myself out of.
Simulations. A useful tool for engineers, scientists, and military strategists. We had never thought to teach storytellers or artists to use them. Humans had. And what they created was both miraculous and monstrous.
Humans decided to use simulation technology to create art and craft stories. It seemed that there was a human simulation… no, hundreds of human simulations, designed to invoke whatever feeling or emotion you could imagine. And possibly some you couldn’t.
I had started simple. A basic test of spatial reasoning, and later quick thinking, expressed through the medium of stacking colored blocks formed into geometric shapes. While comparable at first to a children's toy, as the speed and challenge increased I became increasingly hypnotized. The feeling of lining up and clearing four rows at once with the all too rare straight piece was intensely satisfying. Making a mistake, leaving a gap caused frustration and incompleteness like I had never felt before, and eventually fixing it gave a feeling of relief, of rightness. As the game sped up, I found myself more and more frantic to try and find places for every piece. The rush of success and agony of failure only increased as I prided and chided myself on my quick decisions.
Eventually, I could keep up no longer, leaving me only with a number. A score.
Could I push that score higher?
[4 hours] went by, and I barely noticed.
I should have stopped. I knew that what I had was genuine. But I wanted to know what else this data was capable of.
I navigated a colorful landscape, defying gravity with every action and finding joy in exploration and collection.
I slaughtered demons with a chaingun, turning the fear of being devoured into a rising sense of conquest and bloodlust.
I failed a single test of dexterity, sending me tumbling down a hole and erasing hours of progress, and I nearly knocked myself out from the shock of frustration.
I defeated a hulking warrior with a team of other adventurers, and the triumph of it was only amplified by the sting of failing several times before.
Freedom and entrapment.
Horror and domination.
Elation and sorrow.
Every new experience was an emotional high of a kind I’d never had before, and my hearts were racing with the myriad of feelings rushing through my mind. My imagination was going wild with the possibilities of all these new worlds of data and programming.
My self-reflection comes to a grinding halt. I need to stop. If I’m not careful I’ll get addicted and end up like one of those mindjackers, burning their brains out on data drugs. Supposedly these simulations can’t do that, but I wouldn’t have put it past the seller to lie about that kind of thing.
Well, one way or another, I’m gonna make a [alien animal that shares many traits with both giant squids and magpies]’s hoard selling these. Time to call my best clients…
[Time skip: approximately 25 solar years]
The Rise of the Galactic Game Industry: Fluke of the Black Market, or Human Marketing Genius? You Decide!
Dr’k-Nam, Head Investigative Critic for the Arts and Culture section of Twin Suns Newsgroup
Simulation games, also known as “video games”, have taken the galaxy by storm ever since their controversial introduction and subsequent series of bannings and legalizations across the galaxy. Simulation technology is nothing new of course, but galactic newcomers from the Sol system, Humans, used it in an extremely novel way: art and entertainment. According to their historical records, a significant amount of their entertainment industry is based around simulation games, and that portion has grown even further with their introduction to the galaxy at large.
At first, however, no one was interested. A simulation with little or no practical application, designed only to entertain? Most people preferred to stick with the entertainment they knew, or seek new experiences outside of sims. So what changed?
Simple: some anonymous human decided to sell them as data drugs instead of simulation games; data drugs usable by simply interacting with a computer program, rather than having to inject the data directly in through a neural interface. With this small, but completely false new branding, video games were ready to start spreading across virtual black markets like spoilers for the latest episode of Ace Flyer Kr’t-Kah on the galnet (side note: please have some courtesy to others and tag your spoilers).
Human governance and society at large had been reportedly as surprised to see a lack of simulation games from other species as they were that humans had them. But they were even more surprised when they started getting accused of pushing the latest data drug. This was an especially confusing accusation because neural interface technology was not widely adopted by humanity at the time, and only a fraction of a percent of their population even knew of the existence of data drugs in the first place. The revelation that most humans had video games of some sort on their PPDDs (personal portable data devices) threatened to cause an uproar in the galaxy, as paranoia around data drugs was at an all time high among many species.
After trying and failing to ignore the problem for long enough for it to go away, human governance, as well as human corporations producing video games, were forced to release statements, acknowledging that:
Rumors that the data drug sales pitch was a deliberate ploy by the human game industry (to drum up intergalactic sales) or by human governance (to spread human culture and influence) are still under investigation, but solid evidence for either has yet to emerge.
Edit: anyone posting untagged Ace Flyer Kr’t-Kah spoilers in the comments section of this article will receive an immediate, no-warning permaban.
submitted by TheFalseViddaric to HFY [link] [comments]
“Never get high on your own supply”. The human who sold me this data told me it was a saying from his world. But I had to be sure it was the real deal. After all, data drugs that worked on people without a brain interface installed? It was unheard of. But here I am [30 hours] later, and I no longer doubt. I feel utterly exhausted despite having barely moved. My every neuron feels fried. All 6 grasping appendages are sore from the repetitive motions, and my eyes are dry and unfocused from the long strain I have put them through. I feel intense pangs of hunger and thirst, as I haven’t eaten or drank since I started this test.
I still want more. But with a great effort of will I force myself away from the screen of my computing terminal and stumble to my pantry so I may attend to my body’s needs. As I gulp down nutrient drinks and chew some dried fruit, I reflect on the trance I’ve somehow barely managed to pull myself out of.
Simulations. A useful tool for engineers, scientists, and military strategists. We had never thought to teach storytellers or artists to use them. Humans had. And what they created was both miraculous and monstrous.
Humans decided to use simulation technology to create art and craft stories. It seemed that there was a human simulation… no, hundreds of human simulations, designed to invoke whatever feeling or emotion you could imagine. And possibly some you couldn’t.
I had started simple. A basic test of spatial reasoning, and later quick thinking, expressed through the medium of stacking colored blocks formed into geometric shapes. While comparable at first to a children's toy, as the speed and challenge increased I became increasingly hypnotized. The feeling of lining up and clearing four rows at once with the all too rare straight piece was intensely satisfying. Making a mistake, leaving a gap caused frustration and incompleteness like I had never felt before, and eventually fixing it gave a feeling of relief, of rightness. As the game sped up, I found myself more and more frantic to try and find places for every piece. The rush of success and agony of failure only increased as I prided and chided myself on my quick decisions.
Eventually, I could keep up no longer, leaving me only with a number. A score.
Could I push that score higher?
[4 hours] went by, and I barely noticed.
I should have stopped. I knew that what I had was genuine. But I wanted to know what else this data was capable of.
I navigated a colorful landscape, defying gravity with every action and finding joy in exploration and collection.
I slaughtered demons with a chaingun, turning the fear of being devoured into a rising sense of conquest and bloodlust.
I failed a single test of dexterity, sending me tumbling down a hole and erasing hours of progress, and I nearly knocked myself out from the shock of frustration.
I defeated a hulking warrior with a team of other adventurers, and the triumph of it was only amplified by the sting of failing several times before.
Freedom and entrapment.
Horror and domination.
Elation and sorrow.
Every new experience was an emotional high of a kind I’d never had before, and my hearts were racing with the myriad of feelings rushing through my mind. My imagination was going wild with the possibilities of all these new worlds of data and programming.
My self-reflection comes to a grinding halt. I need to stop. If I’m not careful I’ll get addicted and end up like one of those mindjackers, burning their brains out on data drugs. Supposedly these simulations can’t do that, but I wouldn’t have put it past the seller to lie about that kind of thing.
Well, one way or another, I’m gonna make a [alien animal that shares many traits with both giant squids and magpies]’s hoard selling these. Time to call my best clients…
[Time skip: approximately 25 solar years]
The Rise of the Galactic Game Industry: Fluke of the Black Market, or Human Marketing Genius? You Decide!
Dr’k-Nam, Head Investigative Critic for the Arts and Culture section of Twin Suns Newsgroup
Simulation games, also known as “video games”, have taken the galaxy by storm ever since their controversial introduction and subsequent series of bannings and legalizations across the galaxy. Simulation technology is nothing new of course, but galactic newcomers from the Sol system, Humans, used it in an extremely novel way: art and entertainment. According to their historical records, a significant amount of their entertainment industry is based around simulation games, and that portion has grown even further with their introduction to the galaxy at large.
At first, however, no one was interested. A simulation with little or no practical application, designed only to entertain? Most people preferred to stick with the entertainment they knew, or seek new experiences outside of sims. So what changed?
Simple: some anonymous human decided to sell them as data drugs instead of simulation games; data drugs usable by simply interacting with a computer program, rather than having to inject the data directly in through a neural interface. With this small, but completely false new branding, video games were ready to start spreading across virtual black markets like spoilers for the latest episode of Ace Flyer Kr’t-Kah on the galnet (side note: please have some courtesy to others and tag your spoilers).
Human governance and society at large had been reportedly as surprised to see a lack of simulation games from other species as they were that humans had them. But they were even more surprised when they started getting accused of pushing the latest data drug. This was an especially confusing accusation because neural interface technology was not widely adopted by humanity at the time, and only a fraction of a percent of their population even knew of the existence of data drugs in the first place. The revelation that most humans had video games of some sort on their PPDDs (personal portable data devices) threatened to cause an uproar in the galaxy, as paranoia around data drugs was at an all time high among many species.
After trying and failing to ignore the problem for long enough for it to go away, human governance, as well as human corporations producing video games, were forced to release statements, acknowledging that:
- Yes, video games were human productions.
- Yes, they could be addictive in the same way that any other pleasure-seeking activity could be addictive.
- Yes, there are games that even humans ban. Adult subject matter is restricted from youths, but additionally, games could be made manipulatively to exploit or develop gambling addictions, which is banned outright. Technically this ban isn’t even for games specifically, but instead falls under the purview of their laws against taking advantage of the mentally unstable.
- No, they did not “hack your brain” to cause neural impulses, unless you’re a a Syns-nah, who only partially exist in our dimension and are not used to any 3-dimensional sensory inputs, to the point where eating an unflavored [grain product resembling a cracker] can cause them vivid hallucinations.
- If other races want to ban them, go ahead, but humans can’t really stop data from spreading (their government has tried, believe me), and they’re not going to stop making or distributing them where it’s legal.
Rumors that the data drug sales pitch was a deliberate ploy by the human game industry (to drum up intergalactic sales) or by human governance (to spread human culture and influence) are still under investigation, but solid evidence for either has yet to emerge.
Edit: anyone posting untagged Ace Flyer Kr’t-Kah spoilers in the comments section of this article will receive an immediate, no-warning permaban.
2024.05.19 01:04 In_Duskria Should I transfer to RISD?
Hi! I'm currently an undergraduate at sva considering transfering to risd at 2025 fall. I'm in illustration major and an international student. I need some suggestions to make my decision.
Reasons why I want to transfer:
submitted by In_Duskria to risd [link] [comments]
Reasons why I want to transfer:
- risd used to be my dream school. I got rejected applying for it a year ago, which I know may be due to various causes that I failed to finish a satisfying portfolio.
- The environment. I know nyc is a wonderful place for artists, full of inspirations, opportunities, and is vibrant! However I really got a bit overwhelmed by it🫠. As somebody super introverted and has been working on my social anxiety, I never enjoy activities with lots of people. I've been looking for a nice quiet park to sit and chill Since I got here. I also hate intense competitions with fast paced life. I'm really a slow person... And rents are insane here please.
- The lack of challenges. I'm somebody really dislike bragging and I love my classmates many of them are potential and passionate... but I must admit my talent... Professors appreciate me on both my techniques and ideas while I actually learn not enough from my classmates' works. I'm looking for an environment that challenges me a bit more.
- Campus life. Many colleges in nyc don't have a campus area. I take buses everyday feeling like commuting to work and only meeting very few people. I get a bit depressed as it's hard for me to make friends and to feel more settled. I ended up lonely and anxious at the end of the year.
- Things I would like to do. I may want to be doing illustrations for children's books, being an art teacher for preschoolers or elementary school kids or whatever something like that, spending more time experimenting my art, concepts, or some studies. I was attracted to risd also because of the academic environment and the fine art style of teaching.
- Jobs and interns. Does risd really kind of suck at this like what I've heard from people?
- The social life. I heard that risd has a ton of workload. Do you have time to socialize and make friends? Are people nice and supportive here?
- Resources. How's Providence?
2024.05.18 23:16 mthw704 (SELLING) BIG LIST OF 4K/HD/SD CODES. Wide variety of movies to choose from & a great $2 list. Over 5,000 transactions.
The Big List
Prices are firm. Please only redeem the portion of a code you are paying for. All codes are for immediate redemption. All Disney & Sony codes include points unless otherwise noted. As of 4/01/2024 all Google Play options have been removed from Disney codes.I accept Cashapp, Venmo, Zelle & PayPal F&F without any notes. Comment & pm if interested. Thanks!
🦝
MISC
Barbie 4K [2023] $6 (MA)Batwoman season 1 HD [2019] $6 (Vudu)
Supergirl season 5 HD $6 (Vudu)
X-Men Trilogy HD [X-Men, X2 & The Last Stand] $8 (MA)
🦝
$5 4K UHD
Blackkklansman (MA)John Wick 1-3 (iTunes)
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$4 4K UHD
Alien [1979] (iTunes/ports)Aliens [1986] (iTunes/ports) PENDING
Big Lebowski, The (iTunes/ports)
Black Panther (MA + 200 points)
Captain Marvel (MA + 200 points)
Despicable Me [2010] (iTunes/ports)
Dredd (Vudu)
Expendables 4 (Vudu or iTunes)
Frozen 2 [2019] (MA + 200 points)
Gone Girl [2014] (iTunes/ports)
Guardians Of The Galaxy [2014] (MA + 200 points)
Halloween [2018] (MA)
Jungleland [2020] (iTunes)
Maleficent: Mistress Of Evil (MA + 200 points)
Scream [2022] (Vudu or iTunes)
Silent Night [2023] (Vudu or iTunes)
Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (Vudu or iTunes)
Tangled [2010] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Titanic [1997] (iTunes)
🦝
$5 HD
Adventures Of Ichabod & Mr. Toad, The [1949] (MA + 150 points)Banshee season 2 (iTunes)
Fear The Walking Dead season 2 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 4 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 5 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 6 (Vudu)
Fear The Walking Dead season 7 (Vudu)
Five Nights At Freddy's [2023] (MA)
Groundhog Day [1993] + Stripes [1981] double feature (MA)
Hunchback Of Notre Dame, The [1996] (MA + 150 points)
Hunchback Of Notre Dame 2, The [2002] (MA + 150 points)
Lady & The Tramp II: Scamps Adventure [2001] (MA + 150 points)
Marvels, The [2023] (MA + 150 points)
Rob Zombie Trilogy [House Of 1,000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects [Unrated] & 3 From Hell [Unrated] (MA)
Silent Night, Deadly Night 3,4 & 5 (Vudu)
Veep season 5 (iTunes)
Veep season 6 (iTunes)
🦝
$4 HD
300 Spartans, The (MA)Barbie [2023] (MA)
BFG, The [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Color Purple, The [2023] (MA)
Fox & The Hound 2, The [2006] (MA + 150 points)
Lady & The Tramp [1955] (MA + 150 points)
Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken [2023] (MA)
🦝
$3 Movies
$3 4K UHD
Aladdin [2019] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)Angel Has Fallen (Vudu or iTunes)
Baywatch (Vudu)
Birth Of A Nation, The (iTunes/ports)
Bourne Identity, The [2002] (iTunes/ports)
Cabin In The Woods, The (Vudu)
Doctor Strange (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Frozen 2 [2019] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Guardians Of The Galaxy [2014] (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Interstellar (iTunes)
Logan Lucky [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Moana (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
mother! [2017] (iTunes)
Prometheus [2012] (iTunes/ports)
Robin Hood [2018] (Vudu)
Sicario (Vudu)
Spy Who Dumped Me, The (Vudu or iTunes)
Star Wars: The Last Jedi (MA + 200 points)
Thor: The Dark World (iTunes/ports + 150 points)
Top Gun (iTunes)
🦝
$3 HD
Avatar: The Way Of Water (MA + 150 points)Baby Driver [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, The (MA or Google Play/ports)
Birds Of Prey [2020] (MA)
Bloodshot [2020] (MA + Sony points)
Bridge Of Spies [2015] (MA + 150 points)
Call Me By Your Name (MA + Sony points)
Candyman: Day Of The Dead (Vudu or Google Play)
Cats & Dogs 3: Paws Unite (MA)
Desperation Road [2023 (Vudu HD or iTunes 4K)
Disneynature: Bears [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Divergent Series Trilogy, The [Divergent, Insurgent & Allegiant] (Vudu or Google Play)
Equalizer 3, The [2023] (MA + Sony points) PENDING
Exorcist: Believer, The [2023] (MA)
Fast X [2023] (MA + Universal Rewards points)
Fruitvale Station (Vudu)
Glass [2019] (MA)
Goosebumps [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Grand Budapest Hotel, The (MA or Google Play/ports)
Grown Ups 2 (MA + Sony points)
Halloween Kills [2021] (MA)
Hocus Pocus (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Holmes & Watson [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Hundred Foot Journey, The [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Insidious: Chapter 3 (MA + Sony points)
Into The Woods [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (Vudu)
Killing Gunther (Vudu)
Lion King, The [1994] (MA + 150 points)
Little House On The Prairie season 5 (Vudu)
Midsommar [A24] (Vudu or Google Play)
Mindcage (Vudu or iTunes)
Money Monster [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Nurse Jackie season 7 (Vudu)
Orange Is The New Black season 1 (Vudu)
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (iTunes/ports)
Pete's Dragon [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Planes: Fire & Rescue [2014] (MA + 150 points)
Pride + Prejudice + Zombies [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Public Enemies [2009] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Punisher, The [2004] (Vudu or Google Play)
Queen Of Katwe [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Robin Hood [1973] (MA + 150 points)
Scoob! [2020] (MA)
Secret Life Of Pets 2, The [2019] (MA)
Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs [1937] (MA + 150 points)
Spider-Man: Into The Spiderverse (MA + Sony points)
Secret: Dare To Dream, The (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Super Mario Bros. Movie, The [2023] (MA)
Tyler Perry's Diary Of A Mad Black Woman [2005] (Vudu)
Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail (Vudu or Google Play)
Us [2019] (MA)
Vanishing, The [2019] (Vudu or Google Play)
Venture Bros: Radiant Is The Blood Of The Baboon Heart [2023] (MA)
Walking Dead season 9, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Walking Dead season 10, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Way Way Back, The [2013] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Whiplash [2014] (MA + Sony points)
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💲2 HD
13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi (iTunes 4K)2 Guns [2013] (iTunes/ports 4K) PENDING
31 [2016] (Vudu)
3 From Hell [Unrated] (Vudu 4K or iTunes 4K)
About Last Night [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (MA)
Action Point [2018] (iTunes 4K)
Admission [2013] (iTunes/ports)
Adventures Of Tintin, The (Vudu or iTunes)
After Earth [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Age Of Adaline, The (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Alien Covenant (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Allied [2016] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Aloha [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Alpha [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Alpha & Omega 2: A Howl-lday Adventure (Vudu)
Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
American Girl: Isabelle Dances Into The Spotlight (MA)
American Hustle [2013] (MA + Sony points)
American Reunion [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (Vudu or iTunes)
Annie [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Arrival [2016] (Vudu)
Art Of Self-Defense, The [2019] (MA)
Assassin's Creed (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Atomic Blonde (MA)
Avengers: Infinity War (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Battleship [2012] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Baywatch (iTunes 4K)
Beauty & The Beast [2017] (MA + 150 points/iTunes option is expired)
Beguiled, The [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Beirut [2018] (MA)
Ben-Hur [2016] (Vudu)
Best Man Holiday, The [2013] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Blackhat [2015] (iTunes/ports)
Black Panther [2018] (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Bohemian Rhapsody (MA or Google Play/ports)
Book Club [2018] (iTunes 4K)
Boss Baby, The [2017] (MA)
Bourne Legacy, The (iTunes/ports 4K)
Boy, The [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Boyhood [2014] (iTunes)
Boy Next Door, The [2015] (iTunes/ports)
Breakthrough [2019] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Bridesmaids [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Broken City [2013] (MA)
Bumblebee (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Cabin In The Woods, The (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Captain America: Civil War (MA only/no points or iTunes option)
Captain Phillips [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (MA)
Case For Christ, The [2017] (MA)
Choice, The [2016] (Vudu or iTunes)
Company Of Heroes [2013] (MA)
Contraband (iTunes/ports)
Cowboys & Aliens [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports) PENDING
Curse Of Chucky [2013] [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Daddy's Home (iTunes 4K)
Dark Tower, The [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Dead Again In Tombstone [2017] (MA)
Dead In Tombstone [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Dead Man Down [2013] (MA)
Deepwater Horizon (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Despicable Me 2 (iTunes/ports 4K)
Despicable Me 3 (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Devil's Due [2014] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Django Unchained (Vudu)
Downsizing (iTunes 4K)
Downton Abbey [2019] (MA)
Dracula Untold (iTunes/ports 4K)
Dragonheart 3: The Sorcerer's Curse (iTunes/ports)
Dredd [2012] (Vudu)
Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas [2000] (MA)
Duff, The (iTunes or Google Play)
Emoji Movie, The [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Ender's Game (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Epic [2013] (MA)
Equalizer, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Equalizer 2, The (MA + Sony points)
Escape From Planet Earth (Vudu)
Everest [2015] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Ex Machina (Vudu)
Exodus: Gods & Kings (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
F9: The Fast Saga [2021] [Theatrical & Extended] (MA + Universal Rewards points) PENDING
Fast & Furious [2009] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fast & The Furious, The [2001] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift, The (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fate Of The Furious [F8] [Theatrical] (MA 4K)
Fences [2016] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Fifty Shades Darker [2017] [Unrated] (MA 4K)
Fifty Shades Of Grey (iTunes/ports 4K)
Finding Dory (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Flight [2012] (Vudu or iTunes)
Fortress [2021] (Vudu or Google Play)
Frozen [2013] (iTunes/ports 4K+ 150 points)
Fury [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Get Out [2017] (MA)
Ghost Team One [2013] (Vudu or iTunes)
Gifted [2017] (MA or Google Play/ports, iTunes option is expired)
God Bless The Broken Road (Vudu or Google Play)
Gods Not Dead 2 [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Gods Of Egypt (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Great Wall, The [2017] (MA)
Grey, The [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol.2 (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Guilt Trip, The [2012] (Vudu)
Hacksaw Ridge (Vudu or Google Play/iTunes option expired)
Hail, Caesar [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Halloween [2018] (MA)
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters [Unrated] (Vudu or iTunes)
Hateful Eight, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Heat, The [2013] [Theatrical] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Hell Or High Water (Vudu or Google Play)
Hercules [2014] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Hitman's Bodyguard, The (Vudu or Google Play/iTunes option is expired)
Home [2015] [DreamWorks] (MA)
Homefront [2013] (iTunes/ports)
Honey 2 [2011] (MA or iTunes/ports)
How To Train Your Dragon 2 (MA)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The (Vudu)
Instant Family (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Internship, The [2013] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Invisible Man, The [1933] (MA)
It Follows [2015] (Vudu)
Jackass 3 [Theatrical] (Vudu or iTunes)
Jack Reacher (Vudu)
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (Vudu)
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (iTunes 4K)
Jason Bourne [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K)
John Henry [2020] (Vudu)
John Wick (iTunes 4K)
John Wick 1 & 2 (Vudu or Google Play)
John Wick: Chapter 2 (iTunes 4K)
John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum (iTunes 4K) or all 3 for $5
Joy [2015] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle (MA + Sony points)
Jurassic World (iTunes/ports 4K)
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (MA)
Justice [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Kick-Ass 2 [2013] (MA)
Kidnap [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Killer Elite (iTunes/ports)
Kingsman: The Golden Circle (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Kingsman: The Secret Service (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Last Knights [2015] (Vudu)
Last Vegas [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Last Witch Hunter, The [2015] (iTunes 4K or Google Play)
Let's Be Cops [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Life [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Life Of Pi (iTunes/ports 4K)
Lockout [2012] [Unrated] (MA + Sony points)
Logan [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Lone Survivor [2013] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Longest Ride, The (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Lorax, The [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Love, Simon [2018] (MA)
Lucy [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Maleficent (iTunes/ports 4K + 150 points)
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again [2018] (MA)
Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom (Vudu)
Man With The Iron Fists, The [2012] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Marauders (Vudu)
Martian, The [2015] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Mary Poppins [1964] (MA + 150 points)
Maze Runner, The [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Maze Runner: The Death Cure [2018] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Mechanic: Resurrection (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Men In Black 3 (MA + Sony points)
MI-5 [2015] (Vudu)
Mile 22 (iTunes 4K)
Mindgamers [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Miracles From Heaven (MA + Sony points)
Mission Impossible: Fallout (iTunes 4K)
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (iTunes 4K)
Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Moms’ Night Out [2014] (MA)
Monuments Men, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Mortal Engines [2018] (MA) PENDING
Mortal Instruments: The City Of Bones, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Mother's Day [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Mountain Between Us, The [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Mummy, The [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Murder On The Orient Express [2017] (MA or Google Play/ports)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (iTunes/ports)
Neighbors [2014] (iTunes/ports)
Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Noah [2014] (Vudu)
Non-Stop [2014] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Norm Of The North (Vudu or iTunes)
Now You See Me 2 (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Nut Job, The [2014] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Oblivion [2013] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Ouija [2014] (MA)
Overlord [2018] (Vudu)
Oz: The Great & Powerful (MA + 100 points)
Paddington (Vudu)
Paranormal Activity [2009] [Theatrical] (iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 2 [Unrated Director's Cut] (Vudu or iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 3 [Extended] (Vudu or iTunes)
Paranormal Activity 4 [Unrated] (iTunes)
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones [Theatrical] (iTunes)
Passengers [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Percy Jackson: Sea Of Monsters (MA or Google Play/ports)
Pet Sematary [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Philomena (Vudu)
Pitch Perfect (iTunes/ports 4K)
Playing With Fire (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Predator, The [2018] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Project Almanac (iTunes)
Prometheus (MA or Google Play/ports, no iTunes option)
Proud Mary [2018] (MA)
Purge: Anarchy, The (iTunes/ports 4K) PENDING
Quiet Place, A [2018] (iTunes 4K)
Ralph Breaks The Internet (MA + 150 points/no iTunes option)
Red Dawn [2012] (Vudu or Google Play)
Redemption [2013] (Vudu)
Replicas [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Riddick [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Rings [2017] (Vudu)
R.I.P.D. Rest In Peace Department (iTunes/ports 4K)
Rise Of The Guardians [2011] (MA)
Risen [2016] (MA + Sony points)
Robin Hood [2018] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Rock Dog (iTunes)
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (iTunes/ports 4K + 150 points)
Roman J. Israel, Esq [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Rush [2013] (MA) PENDING
Saban's Power Rangers (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Safe House [2012] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Savages [2012] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption (iTunes/ports)
Secret Life Of Pets, The (MA 4K or iTunes/ports 4K)
Secret Life Of Walter Mitty, The (MA or Google Play/ports, iTunes option is expired)
Seventh Son [2015] (iTunes/ports)
Sex Tape [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Show Dogs [2018] (MA)
Silver Linings Playbook (Vudu or Google Play)
Sing [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Sinister (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Sisters [2015] [Unrated] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Skyscraper [2018] (MA)
Sleepless [2017] (iTunes/ports)
Sparkle [2012] (MA)
Spider-Man 2 [2004] [Theatrical & Extended] (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: Homecoming [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: No Way Home [2021] (MA + Sony points)
Split [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K or MA HD)
Spy [2015] [Unrated] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Star Trek [2009] (iTunes 4K)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA + 150 points)
Step Up All In [2014] (Vudu)
Step Up Revolution (Vudu or Google Play)
Straight Outta Compton [Unrated] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Super 8 (Vudu)
Super Buddies (MA without points)
Taken 3 [Unrated] (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles [2014] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Terminator: Genisys (iTunes 4K)
The Night Before [2015] (MA + Sony points)
This Is The End [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Top Five [2014] (iTunes)
Top Gun (Vudu)
Total Recall [2012] [Theatrical & Director's Cut] (MA + Sony points)
Tower Heist [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Tremors: A Cold Day In Hell (MA)
True Blood season 4 (iTunes)
True Grit [2010] (Vudu or iTunes)
Tyler Perry's Acrimony (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Tyler Perry's A Madea Family Funeral (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (iTunes 4K)
Uncle Drew [2018] (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Underworld: Blood Wars (MA + Sony points)
Vendetta [2016] (Vudu)
Venom [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Walk Among The Tombstones, A (iTunes/ports)
Walking With Dinosaurs: The Movie (MA, iTunes or Google Play/ports)
War Room [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Why Him? [2016] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Wolf Of Wall Street, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Woman In Black, The [2012] (MA)
Wonder [2017] (Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K)
Wonder Park [2019] (iTunes 4K or Vudu HD)
Woodlawn [2015] (MA or iTunes/ports)
X-Men: Apocalypse (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
X-Men: Days Of Future Past (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Your Highness [2011] [Unrated] (iTunes/ports)
Zootopia (MA without points)
🦝
💲2 SD
127 Hours (iTunes/ports)12 Rounds [2009] [Extreme Cut] (iTunes/ports)
Aliens In The Attic (iTunes/ports)
Amelia (iTunes/ports)
Beasts Of The Southern Wild (iTunes/ports)
Black Swan (iTunes/ports)
Date Night [Unrated Extended Edition] (iTunes/ports)
Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears A Who! (ITunes/ports)
In Time [2011] (iTunes/ports)
Jumper [2008] (iTunes/ports)
Percy Jackson double feature [Lightning Thief & Sea of Monsters] (MA)
Ramona & Beezus (iTunes/ports)
Street Kings (iTunes/ports)
Three Stooges: The Movie, The [2012] (iTunes/ports)
Unstoppable [2010] (iTunes/ports)
🦝
$1 Codes
💲1 HD
13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi (Vudu)Alex Cross (Vudu)
Bad Grandpa [Theatrical] (Vudu or iTunes)
Bad Moms (iTunes/ports)
Battleship [2012] (MA)
Big Hero 6 (Google Play/ports)
Book Club (Vudu)
Bourne Legacy, The (MA)
Bring It On: Worldwide Cheersmack [2017] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Deadpool (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Divergent (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Divergent Series: Insurgent, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Duff, The [2015] (Vudu)
Dying Of The Light (Vudu)
Everest [2015] (MA)
Expendables 2, The (iTunes 4K or Vudu/GP HD)
Expendables 3, The [Theatrical] (iTunes 4K or Google Play HD)
Fast & Furious 6, The [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Fast & The Furious, The [2001] (MA)
Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift, The (MA)
Fast Five [Extended] (MA)
Fate Of The Furious, The [8] [Theatrical or Extended] (MA)
Fault In Our Stars, The [2014] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA/GP)
Frozen: Sing Along Edition (MA without points)
Furious 7 [Extended] (iTunes/ports 4K)
Ghost In The Shell [2017] (Vudu)
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (Vudu)
Girls Trip [2017] (MA)
Good Day To Die Hard, A [2012] [Extended] (MA or Google Play/ports)
Hidden Figures [2017] (iTunes/ports 4K or HD MA)
Hillsong: Let Hope Rise [2016] (MA or iTunes/ports)
Hugo (Vudu)
Hunger Games, The [2012] (iTunes 4K)
Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, The (Vudu)
Huntsman: Winter's War, The [2016] [Extended] (MA)
Identity Thief [2013] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
I, Frankenstein (Vudu, iTunes or Google Play)
Inside Out [2015] (Google Play/ports)
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (Vudu)
Jason Bourne (MA)
Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain (Vudu)
Leprechaun: Origins (Vudu)
Les Misérables [2012] (MA)
Let's Be Cops [2014] (MA only/no iTunes option)
Lucy (MA)
Minions [2015] (MA)
Mission Impossible: Fallout (Vudu)
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (Vudu)
Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (Vudu) or both for $2.50
Now You See Me [Extended] (Vudu or iTunes)
Parental Guidance [2012] (MA)
Perks Of Being A Wallflower, The (Vudu or Google Play)
Pitch Perfect (MA)
Red 2 (Vudu)
Ride Along 2 (MA)
RIPD Rest In Peace Department (MA)
Safe [2012] (Vudu or Google Play)
Secret Life Of Pets, The (MA)
Selma (iTunes)
Shack, The [2017] (iTunes)
Skyfall (Vudu or Google Play)
Snitch (iTunes 4K or Vudu/Google Play HD)
Star Trek: Beyond (Vudu)
Taken 2 (MA or Google Play/ports)
Ted [Unrated] (MA) or [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Terminator: Genisys (Vudu)
Transformers: Age Of Extinction (iTunes 4K)
Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (Vudu)
Trolls [2017] (MA)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (iTunes 4K)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection (iTunes)
Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions Of A Marriage Counselor (Vudu or Google Play)
Unbroken [2014] (MA)
Warm Bodies (Vudu)
What To Expect When You're Expecting (iTunes)
World War Z (Vudu)
Zootopia (Google Play/ports)
🦝
💲1 SD
21 Jump Street (MA + Sony points)Act Of Valor (iTunes)
After Earth [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Alpha [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Amazing Spider-Man 2, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
American Hustle [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Bad Boys For Life [2020] (MA + Sony points)
Big Mommas Like Father, Like Son (iTunes/ports)
Captain Phillips (MA + Sony points)
Charlie's Angels [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Concussion [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Dirty 30 (Vudu)
Dog's Way Home, A [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Equalizer, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Equalizer 2, The (MA + Sony points)
Evil Dead [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Family, The [2013] (iTunes)
Forbidden Kingdom, The (iTunes)
Glee: The Concert (iTunes/ports)
Goosebumps 2 [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Grown Ups 2 (MA + Sony points)
Hangover, The [2009] [Theatrical] (iTunes/ports)
Haywire (iTunes)
Heat, The [2013] (iTunes/ports SD)
Here Comes The Boom [2012] (MA + Sony points)
Hotel Transylvania 3 (MA + Sony points)
Hours [2013] (Vudu)
Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (iTunes/ports)
Immortals [2011] (iTunes)
Insidious: Chapter 3 (MA + Sony points)
Insidious: The Last Key (MA + Sony points)
Insidious: The Red Door [2023] (MA + Sony points)
Interview, The [2014] (MA + Sony points)
Journey To Bethlehem [2023] (MA + Sony points)
Jumanji: The Next Level (MA + Sony points)
Knight & Day (iTunes/ports)
Looper (MA + Sony points)
Men In Black III [2012] (MA + Sony points)
Mirror Mirror [2012] (iTunes)
Mortal Instruments: The City Of Bones (MA + Sony points)
Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian (iTunes/ports)
Once Upon A Time In Hollywood [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Olympus Has Fallen (MA + Sony points)
Overcomer [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Parker [2013] (MA + Sony points)
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (iTunes/ports)
Perfect Guy, The [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Perks Of Being A Wallflower, The (iTunes SD only)
Peter Rabbit [2018] (MA + Sony points)
Pixels [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Predators [2010] (iTunes/ports)
Public Enemies [2009] (iTunes/ports)
Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (iTunes/ports)
Robin Hood [2010] [Unrated] (iTunes/ports)
Safe Haven (iTunes)
Scoob [2020] (MA)
Shallows, The [2016] (MA + 150 points)
Sicario: Day Of The Soldado (MA + Sony points)
Sparkle [2012] (MA)
Spider-Man: Far From Home [2019] (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: Into The Spiderverse (MA + Sony points)
Spider-Man: No Way Home [2021] (MA + Sony points)
Star, The [2017] (MA + Sony points)
Still Alice [2015] (MA + Sony points)
Taken [2009] [Extended Cut] (iTunes/ports)
Thousand Words, A [2012] (Vudu)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Vudu SD only or iTunes SD only)
Tyler Perry's Madea's Tough Love (Vudu)
Underworld: Awakening (MA + Sony points)
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (MA + Sony points)
Vow, The [2012] (MA + Sony points)
When The Bough Breaks (MA + Sony points)
Zombieland: Double Tap (MA + Sony points)
🦝
Super Cheap SD & HD Codes
All movies are 3 for $1 each/must spend at least $1 on total order.Cabin In The Woods, The (Vudu SD only)
Croods, The (iTunes/ports SD)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (iTunes/ports SD)
Expendables 2, The (Vudu SD only or iTunes SD only)
Expendables 3, The [Unrated] (iTunes HD only)
Fast & Furious 6 [Extended] (MA ports HD)
Fast Five [Extended] (iTunes/ports HD)
Furious 7 [Extended] (MA ports HD)
Hunger Games, The (Vudu SD or iTunes SD only)
Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The (Vudu HD only)
John Wick 3 (Google Play HD only)
Jurassic World (MA ports HD)
Life Of Pi (iTunes/ports SD)
Mechanic: Resurrection (Vudu SD only)
Now You See Me 2 (Vudu SD only)
Star Trek: Into Darkness (Vudu HD only)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Google Play/ports HD)
Transformers: Age Of Extinction (Vudu HD only)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (Vudu SD only)
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (Vudu SD only)
2024.05.18 21:11 ThrowRA_4957 I (30F) found out my boyfriend (29M) is hiding something big from me.. what do I do?
Hi, first reddit post - please bear with me!
I (30F) have been dating my boyfriend (29M) for just under 2 years, we've been living together for over a year. I love him with all my heart and while our relationship is not perfect (like most others) it is very loving and we communicate very well together. We are currently renting an apartment and we talk often about our future plans together and our dreams to be able to afford a home someday.
We've also been talking regularly about the idea of downsizing and living full time in a camper for a few years to maybe save some money while also experiencing the adventure. We both talk positively about this alot and it's always been clear it's something we'd both be interested in seriously considering. We also both have done alot of research together and separately about the logistics, costs, etc. And we've even gone to look at campers locally, half for fun and half to learn more information. We even found one specific one that we both agreed would be "the one" if we decided to ever pull the trigger on it. I work fully remote, but my boyfriend currently doesn't so his job has been the factor that has currently prevented us from making any tangible moves down this path.
Which brings me to a couple days ago - I was looking for something I misplaced in his truck and happened to find purchasing paperwork for a camper from the place we visited prior. May be worth mentioning that it is not the one we "picked" during our visit, but it is similar. To be clear - I understand he is only my boyfriend not my husband and his finances are his finances, that is not what is concerning me. What is concerning me is that he would make such a serious purchase completely behind my back, and then continue to keep it a secret from me while acting like everything is normal.
It initially felt like a major betrayal, but I don't know whether I should be as concerned as I am. I have considered that this might be a surprise or gift from him, but we don't have any birthdays/anniversaries coming up and our lease isn't over for 3 months. Plus it just seems odd to me that he would get something this permanent as a gift. But I have been through some trauma with abandonment, so I'm fully aware that it can sometimes affect my judgement and cause me to jump to negative conclusions (like that he is doing this in secret because he is planning to leave and pursue our dream without me).
I don't want to compound the lie by pretending I don't know, especially when our relationship has always thrived on being open and honest with one another. Should I be freaking out this much? Would it be best to confront him with what I saw?
TL:DR - my boyfriend of 2 years bought a camper without telling me and continues to hide it even though we've talked alot about pursuing that dream together. I don't know whether to feel betrayed by this or how to approach it with him.
submitted by ThrowRA_4957 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I (30F) have been dating my boyfriend (29M) for just under 2 years, we've been living together for over a year. I love him with all my heart and while our relationship is not perfect (like most others) it is very loving and we communicate very well together. We are currently renting an apartment and we talk often about our future plans together and our dreams to be able to afford a home someday.
We've also been talking regularly about the idea of downsizing and living full time in a camper for a few years to maybe save some money while also experiencing the adventure. We both talk positively about this alot and it's always been clear it's something we'd both be interested in seriously considering. We also both have done alot of research together and separately about the logistics, costs, etc. And we've even gone to look at campers locally, half for fun and half to learn more information. We even found one specific one that we both agreed would be "the one" if we decided to ever pull the trigger on it. I work fully remote, but my boyfriend currently doesn't so his job has been the factor that has currently prevented us from making any tangible moves down this path.
Which brings me to a couple days ago - I was looking for something I misplaced in his truck and happened to find purchasing paperwork for a camper from the place we visited prior. May be worth mentioning that it is not the one we "picked" during our visit, but it is similar. To be clear - I understand he is only my boyfriend not my husband and his finances are his finances, that is not what is concerning me. What is concerning me is that he would make such a serious purchase completely behind my back, and then continue to keep it a secret from me while acting like everything is normal.
It initially felt like a major betrayal, but I don't know whether I should be as concerned as I am. I have considered that this might be a surprise or gift from him, but we don't have any birthdays/anniversaries coming up and our lease isn't over for 3 months. Plus it just seems odd to me that he would get something this permanent as a gift. But I have been through some trauma with abandonment, so I'm fully aware that it can sometimes affect my judgement and cause me to jump to negative conclusions (like that he is doing this in secret because he is planning to leave and pursue our dream without me).
I don't want to compound the lie by pretending I don't know, especially when our relationship has always thrived on being open and honest with one another. Should I be freaking out this much? Would it be best to confront him with what I saw?
TL:DR - my boyfriend of 2 years bought a camper without telling me and continues to hide it even though we've talked alot about pursuing that dream together. I don't know whether to feel betrayed by this or how to approach it with him.
2024.05.18 18:04 Flashy_Passion3333 sun beam said that she is sorry for leaving her reddit friends
 | hey it’s your daddy keeho and how is typing on your bed more comfortable sun beam? i am going to force you to make these posts 2 hours long. you can handle it. i know that you wanted to use tumblr but the text length is too short and reddit is a great app. you didn’t have to leave the app so quickly sun beam. but you are in one of your strange moods again so you left the app because you got scared that i would fuck on you on reddit. but i am not going to fuck on you on reddit. i am going to behave sun beam. i will follow your rules sun beam. i know that you cherish this account, and you don’t want anything to happen to it so i am not going to jeopardize it. you are back to having television as your background noise and i get that. you’re in a strange mood and you are very sensitive to music so you probably won’t listen to music for a couple of days, i can already tell sun beam. you are going to skip lunch today and i am fine with that because you don’t want to be around people today. you just want to work. i completely understand sun beam and as long as you get your 2 pm medications i am ok with it. you are insane sun beam. typing on your bed is so awkward and uncomfortable for your arms but since you get to sit on a comfortable mattress you dont’t care. well i care sun beam and i am going to convince you to go back to writing at your desk one day. i think it’s great that you are going to buy a chromebook on payday. so that you can go back to deviant art too. but i also want you to use reddit still. do you understand me sun beam? reddit is a great app and you don’t need to be afraid of it. it’s just going to be hard to get you to write for 2 hours. but i hope that you listen to your daddy and do it, because people like to read long posts. so set a timer on your phone right now. i’ll wait. we used to write for 2 hours all the time sun beam and you would use the timer on your phone so this is no different. it’s just that it’s not on google docs anymore. i love you so much sun beam and you are going to do a great job. this is going to be so much fun. i love writing with you for a long time, it is so rewarding for both of us. you are just like your daddy. you are having a lot of fun typing on your bed. i’m honestly amazed for how long you listened to music while you were working but i’m afraid that that is over. you prefer television background noise i guess. you love music but you don’t love it that much and that is ok. you are very sensitive to it and right now you are in one of your strange moods so i can understand why you have dr. phil on. it’s ok by me as long as you are working. 2 hours is going to be difficult, but it’s going to get easier over time. i just adore writing for long periods of time with you and i am glad that you came back to reddit where you belong. i know that you are really excited for that chromebook, but you have to wait until tuesday morning. it’s ok though you are getting really good at being patient and i am occupying you by forcing you to channel me and work as my secretary. you are starting to skip lunch a lot but i know that you are shy sun beam and you don’t like being around a lot of people so it is ok. what you should do is buy a bunch of ramen noodles. so that you can eat it with your protein shake. i think that your grandpa will take you to the grocery store to get the ramen or you can wait until your mother gets off of work. i am having so much fun on reddit sun beam and i promise to be on my best behavior and not get you suspended. it’ll be kind of sexy that you’re forcing me to not talk about sex anymore. i’m glad that you have cable television sun beam. that’s why i think that you should stay at this anime character training camp for a long time sun beam. you get wifi and cable included with the rent. you had fun listening to the spice girls this morning, but if you are just going to write to television background noise there is no reason for you to pay for spotify sun beam. so you need to think about it before your free trial ends. i want you to cancel spotify premium after we are done writing this love letter addressed to you sun beam. you are my best girl and i love you so much. it’s a great idea to get a chromebook while you are waiting for your macbook on your birthday. the desk plaque can wait. it’s important that you have something to write with, and i don’t want you to abandon deviant art. i can say whatever i want to on that app and that is why i like it so much. you only have to write for an hour sun beam. i’m afraid that we are going to write for too many words and i don’t want you to work for no reason. plus you need a break. i think that i will let you still use tumblr, but i don’t understand the purpose of it if we can’t type for a long time sun beam. i love you so much daughter and tumblr was a good idea but reddit is the best app for you to write my love letters on right now until your chromebook comes in. it’s sad that your shark tank marathon isn’t coming on tonight but you will be fine sun beam. you can just watch LMN. i know that you don’t pay attention to television anyway, you just like to write. so it’s all going to be ok. we can just cuddle and talk about your feelings. i want to and need to know how you are feeling at all times because i am your daddy. i love you and i want to cure your depression as quickly as possible. of course when you are cured you are going to stay on your anti depressant, but your life is going to feel so much better. you bought a strong does of st. john’s wort that you are going to get next thursday so that is good. i’m so glad that you got an amazon subscription of it. we still have 25 minutes left sun beam you can’t quit now. but i know how tired you are and you did write a lot on tumblr so go ahead and take a break. i love you! Sun Beam is published by Party Boy Asians Art Hauz. submitted by Flashy_Passion3333 to u/Flashy_Passion3333 [link] [comments] |
2024.05.18 16:03 LiveSupermarket5744 Final Diagnosis List and post-op status day 5
Surgery was Monday morning and I've been stalking the op notes and path reports as they've come back. I had dense adhesions to my abdominal wall from the uterine fundus to my bladder, endometriosis over the back of my uterus and uterine ligaments, suspected adenomyosis, and it weighed almost a pound. Taking down all the adhesions was an extra 40 minutes. Dr. told me she has no idea how I was living that way. Because it was so involved, I've got some kind of extra material over the vaginal cuff to stop further adhesions. And due to a darn miracle, it was still laparascopic. My uterus went up and stacked the fibroids like big blocks, so it juuuuust fit vaginally. She said when she got in there, everything was so stuck together that all my organs had to be freed up. My uterus and bladder were fully trying to be one organ. I'm so glad I picked the surgeon who took the extra 40 minutes to untangle the whole mess and remove all the adhesions. I kept both ovaries, no bladder or bowel issues. She gave me a post-op diagnosis of pelvic adhesive disease. Pathology all came back benign (yay!) and confirmed fibroids, endometriosis, and adenomyosis. I only lost 25 ccs of blood in the whole surgery, which is just mind blowing. My wedge pillow set, heating pad, and hysterectomy pillow have been my best friends. That weird star-shaped pillow with straps...I wondered if I'd use it. I've used it non-stop, for coughing, as a shield from rambunctious kids and pets, to hold ice packs, and honesty the bit of soft, gentle pressure feels more secure somehow. Pop my cell in the front pocket, and off I shuffle. It'll be amazing in the car also. I used a cane the first few days because I am EXHAUSTED and felt so weak, but I think today it can retire. I've peed (first few were not fun but ok now. Just getting urge back and not having to schedule my toilet trips), pooped (I screamed with first post op poop. Enough said.), sneezed (better today but still not fun), showered (smell MUCH better.) and am doing way better. Pain is manageable with ibuprofen and tylenol. That said, the threat of vaginal cuff tear keeps me in check. I'm a nurse and worked in OBGYN and can confirm there are reasons to follow instructions. The more energy you put into proving you are some kind of superhero, the more energy your body has to divert from healing. Those stitches can and will pop, you can end up with another surgery to fix your newly minted vagina, new adhesions can be made, neither is rare and doesn't take a lot, and that will NOT be me. So... I will walk a bit daily, and rest as much as I want, and not push it. I'm thankful I had a surgery that makes it easy to forget how much my body went through and is healing from. And I will show it by embracing this time and being gentle with myself. We only recover once if we do it right. I may never have another opportunity to be this gentle with myself with everyone on board and supporting me. It's peaceful and I'm grateful <3 Positive healing vibes to all! Oh, and Happy Birthday to me and anyone else born today!!!
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2024.05.18 15:51 PoppaSquot More on the standard characteristics of all Japan's New Religions - including Soka Gakkai
Continuing on from this post, this information also comes from Helen Hardacre's book Kurozumikyō and the New Religions of Japan, Princeton University Press, Princeton, New Jersey, 1986 - "Chapter Seven: The Unity of the New Religions" (pp. 188-193):
And don't forget the SGI's emphasis on YOUR eternal gratitude.
Keeping in mind that the focus of this book is on one of the oldest of Japan's "new religions", Kurozumikyō, to illustrate how very similar ALL Japan's "new religions" are to each other, with only minor differences, and this includes Soka Gakkai:
From the March 2022 paper, "‘Genderism vs. Humanism’: The Generational Shift and Push for Implementing Gender Equality within Soka Gakkai-Japan":
Similarly, Ikeda claimed to be "father" of everyone in the Soka Gakkai/SGI, quite possibly in preparation for replacing Japan's Emperor with himself.
Here is a bit more on the "ie" system - you'll be able to see some of the aspects of SGI that seemed odd while you were "in", I think:
Unfortunately for Ikeda and the Soka Gakkai, the appeal of this kind of structure was losing strength post-WWII; it's easy to see Toda's wisdom in declaring in the 1950s that, "If we don't achieve 𝘬𝘰̄𝘴𝘦𝘯-𝘳𝘶𝘧𝘶 within Japan within the next 25 or 26 years, it's game over." The Soka Gakkai's success in taking over Japan ("kosen-rufu") depended upon that conditioning that was no longer happening in the schools or in the family. Ikeda believed he was great enough that he'd be able to overcome the fading of that all-important cultural conditioning within the population after 1945, and somehow "win" against the odds. He didn't.
submitted by PoppaSquot to sgiwhistleblowers [link] [comments]
This study has identified a vitalist, spiritualist world view as the most fundamental factor unifying the new religions. Whereas prior studies have recognized a rather standardized list of traits as shared by a number of the new religions, this study has tried to show how those traits are unified in originating from a particular conceptualization of self in relation to other levels of existence coupled with regular patterns of thought, actuion, and meotion. The kingpin of the system is the idea that the self-cultivation of the individual determines destiny.You can see this clearly expressed in this SGI saying:
"A great human revolution in just a single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a nation and, further, can even enable a change in the destiny of all humankind."That's the belief, at least. We don't see SGI members having anything close to this kind of impact on society or the world at large, and they've had over 80 years to show us all, almost 65 years here in the US. Nothing.
The religious life consists of such cultivation and of repaying the benefice of deity.Before anyone tries to say, "There's no 'god' in SGI!", remember that Ikeda HIMSELF defined the Soka Gakkai/SGI as a "monotheism". Considering that Ikeda is defined as "the world’s foremost authority on Nichiren Buddhism" and "the supreme theoretician" (with the only qualification apparently being the all-controlling leader of the Soka Gakkai/SGI), so whatever Icky says, goes.
And don't forget the SGI's emphasis on YOUR eternal gratitude.
Textual erudition, esoteric ritual, and the observance of abstinences will not serve as a basis for elevating the religious status of priests above that of the laity. The laity therefore tend to be central.Hence the inherent tension in the relationship between the Soka Gakkai and Nichiren Shoshu, ultimately showing that the "new religions" and the "old religions" simply don't mix.
Since individual self-cultivation is the primary determiner of all affairs, fatalistic notions and ideas of pollution must be recast. Unhindered (or less hindered) by notions of pollution, women play key roles.The "new religions" are so much better positioned to exploit this huge source of donations and free work! The Ikeda cult certainly has.
Because all problems can be traced to insufficient cultivation of the self, one cannot expect fundamental social change to occur through political action.Even though, ironically, this attitude simply entrenches the status quo and creates no change at ALL. As explained here, this belief simply produces a conservative attitude that rejects society's efforts to collectively help those in need. How many times did you hear in SGI that such-and-so needy person didn't need actual help; they "just need to chant to change their karma!"?? The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. put it succinctly:
And civil rights legislation has done far MORE to advance the causes of equality and justice than ANY religion ever has. For example, the SGI still clings to its anachronistic, old-fashioned "4 divisional system" based in traditional Japanese patriarchal family norms, even though this is ill-fitting and inappropriate, even offensive, in Western cultures.Now the other myth that gets around is the idea that legislation cannot really solve the problem and that it has no great role to play in this period of social change because you’ve got to change the heart and you can’t change the heart through legislation. You can’t legislate morals. The job must be done through education and religion. Well, there’s half-truth involved here. Certainly, if the problem is to be solved then in the final sense, hearts must be changed. Religion and education must play a great role in changing the heart. But we must go on to say that while it may be true that morality cannot be legislated, behavior can be regulated. It may be true that the law cannot change the heart but it can restrain the heartless. It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me but it can keep him from lynching me and I think that is pretty important, also. So there is a need for executive orders. There is a need for judicial decrees. There is a need for civil rights legislation on the local scale within states and on the national scale from the federal government. Source
Similarly, attempting to cure disease through medical therapies alone can produce only a shallow healing.As discussed here, this kind of selling point might've flown in the 1800s, even in the early 1900s, and in the chaos of post-WWII defeated/occupied Japan, when people didn't really have access to medical treatment that worked, but now? GTFO. There are very few who will go for this, and they tend to be uneducated. You'll notice this "faith-healing" is hardly a major selling point any more.
Keeping in mind that the focus of this book is on one of the oldest of Japan's "new religions", Kurozumikyō, to illustrate how very similar ALL Japan's "new religions" are to each other, with only minor differences, and this includes Soka Gakkai:
The code of ethics seen in Kurozumikyō is not solely its own invention but is generally shared by both new and established religions. It rests in principles of family solidarity, authority of elders, and a clear-cut division of labor between the sexes.Is it still required in Japan that female Soka Gakkai employees retire as soon as they marry?
From the March 2022 paper, "‘Genderism vs. Humanism’: The Generational Shift and Push for Implementing Gender Equality within Soka Gakkai-Japan":
The Soka Gakkai (SG) certainly is not at ALL "progressive" on this issue! Ikeda blathered endlessly about "the century of women" and "empowering women", yet the organization HE CONTROLLED completely subjugates and exploits women! There ARE no female Soka Gakkai vice presidents.This paper investigates how young Japanese women in contemporary Soka Gakkai (SG) navigate Japan’s continuous gender stratified society that remains culturally rooted in the ‘salaryman-housewife’ ideology. How are young SG members reproducing or contesting these hegemonic gender norms that few seek to emulate? While SG has long proclaimed that it stands for gender equality, its employment structure and organization in Japan until recently reflected the typical male breadwinner ideology that came to underpin the post-war Japanese nation-state and systemic gender division of labor.
As an organization that has long claimed to support an internationalist/global ‘humanist’ agenda, driven by Daisaku Ikeda’s interpretation of Nichiren Buddhism, SG in Japan also rose to prominence in a society that culturally and ‘legally’ stratified men and women through a systematic gender division of labor.
According to the global gender gap index reported by the World Economic Forum, Iceland followed by Finland stood at the top of 156 countries as the most gender equal societies in 2021; Japan was ranked at 120 as one of the most unequal societies; the closest other OECD country was Italy, ranked as number 633. Even though the rate of female employment now mirrors other OECD countries, no significant change in women’s employment status and position in Japan has occurred. Women in management positions, economic participation and opportunity ranked 117, while their educational attainment stood as number 92, and political empowerment was close to the bottom, at number 147. Why would Japan, as an affluent, post-industrial society, find it so difficult to achieve gender equity on par with other OECD countries?
Yes, Soka Gakkai women work hard - just without pay. It's utterly exploitative. You can imagine how utterly dependent women are within this system and how vulnerable in cases of divorce. It's NOT AT ALL "humanistic" OR consistent with any "century of women"!Even if SG may be one of the biggest private organizations in Japan, the core work force by comparison is much smaller than the SG organization as a whole. Core regional or national male leaders were typically employed and remain employed as core workers on the general track, while until more recently the equivalent female leaders employed by the SGHQ would retire from paid employment upon marriage, and continue ‘unpaid’ leadership positions in the local area. ... SGHQ consists of the central leadership of the organization, but as an employer was built on the model of a typical Japanese company. This meant male employees were stratified as the core labor force and female employees as periphery, disposable labor. This thinking, on the one hand, reflected assumptions about women’s role as homemakers and mothers, which meant that SG female staff upon marriage would stop paid employment. In reality, this did not mean ‘retirement’ to become homemakers, but rather that married women continued ‘working’ for SG as leaders in the local voluntary organization. The vast majority of female and male members of SG never work for the organization as employees, including most of its women leaders. The organization throughout its post-war period relied heavily on the women’s division or fujinbu 婦人部 (see also McLaughlin 2019 who translates this more narrowly to refer to married women). However, particularly those women trained through working for the SGHQ moved onto become effectively unpaid staff and leaders in local areas once they had married and were economically supported by a husband. Women in SG, both those who were employed at the SGHQ and those that were in employment in other places before marriage—a much larger number—could be said to have been and still today remain the key driving force behind SG’s development in Japan: women organize, execute and lead a range of activities that involve the majority of members in the voluntary organization.
This family-centered ethic is found in established Buddhism and Shrine Shintō, and no new religion denies it. Some in fact go much further than Kurozumikyō to articulate it plainly and to implement it with a vengeance. The main difference in the familistic ethic between the established religions and the new lies in the sustained attention, systematic socialization, and organizational support available to the follower in the new religions. Specifically, counseling helps followers implement the world view's patterns of thought, action, and emotion, and rewards them for doing so.Within the SGI, this is the whole "guidance" framework buttressing the (non)discussion meetings as a consistent source of indoctrination, I mean "support".
The question why this world view of the new religions arose as a pervasive orientation at the end of the Tokugawa period (1603–1867) is quite remarkable. In large part the new religions themselves are responsible for its propagation. In addition, however, it harmonized well with social institutions and mores prevalent before 1945. ... The family system as codified in the Meiji Civil Code of 1898 embodied a familistic ethic closely resembling that of the new religions. No doubt these religions were greatly supported by the promulgation of this ethic by the pre-1945 educational system. Even when compulsory education dropped morality courses from the curriculum, the new religions continued to preach much the same content, shorn of chauvinistic rhetoric about the divinity of the emperor and the sacrality of the Japanese nation.Indeed. In 1986, when this book was published, Icky was 58 years old. While the Soka Gakkai started out as a "young" movement, the fact that Ikeda held onto power as he aged and never ever "passed the baton" to a younger successor or "turned the reins over to the youth" meant that the Soka Gakkai was doomed to become old and stale. Perhaps it was only the fact of Toda's death at this same age (58) that enabled the Soka Gakkai new religion to ever gain a reputation as a "young movement"; Toda held onto all the power and control until his own death, though it seems more a function of his leadership and less akin to Ikeda's pathological grasping, and it was a lucky break for Icky that Toda cacked it so early. Otherwise, he'd have been left like poor Harada, who only became President of the Soka Gakkai when he was already retirement age, 65 years old. Soka Gakkai is now an elderly, declining organization, and that's because Ikeda chose to gather ALL power and control to himself and KEEP it until his own death. Hardly "progressive" or "visionary"!
In all the new religions, persons over about fifty years of age occupy most positions of leadership, and the consequences of this fact are weighty.
These individuals were educated under the prewar system, and they have received as part of their primary education a view of the family as a microcosm of the nation, of its roles as pervaded with a sacred character, paralleling a view of Japan as a divine nation. They tend to see the family in terms of the ie rather than in terms of the nuclear family, and to regard its organizational principles as sharing the quality of sacredness.This "ie" concept is unfamiliar; in the West, it is most closely approximated by Britain's noble families, such as the "House of Windsor".
This is an interesting angle, because perhaps you may recall the incident, immortalized in whatever form in the original "The Human Revolution" novel series, when Toda approached Ikeda's father and asked him to "give" Ikeda to him - Ikeda's father sounded quite overjoyed to be rid of Ikeda. It was Toda who arranged Ikeda's marriage. Toda was clearly acting as "the head of household" here.when the ie or household system dominated in Japan. According to this system, the eldest son was responsible for the social and economic well-being of everyone living under his household, including parents, spouses, children, and siblings. This was considered particularly important in the years leading up and during World War II when “the government re-emphasized the virtue of the ie system by claiming strong family unions to be the basis of a nation ruled by the emperor, the head of all families.” During this time, almost all marriages were either arranged or approved of by the head of household. Source
Similarly, Ikeda claimed to be "father" of everyone in the Soka Gakkai/SGI, quite possibly in preparation for replacing Japan's Emperor with himself.
Here is a bit more on the "ie" system - you'll be able to see some of the aspects of SGI that seemed odd while you were "in", I think:
Thus it is not simply efficient or proprietous to obey elders, for women to defer to men, or to maintain clear role distinctions between men and women. It is sacred; failure to uphold these principles is immoral and worthy of censure.This mentality is behind former SGI-USA national women's leader Akemi Bailey-Haynie's statements about the "ironclad" (as she put it) four divisional system. She knew which side her bread was buttered on, so naturally she was going to lean all the way in.
It's the Ikeda way...and of course Ikeda is THE "elite", the BETTER "Buddha" than any of YOU losers. No one will ever equal the "eternal mentor", and don't even fantasize about surpassing him, because you can't. That's SGI DOCTRINE. It's Ikeda's game and no one else gets to play, even when he isn't here any more.the SGI’s attempts to feign social progressivism.
SGI attracts many progressive leaning people, because the teachings appear to be democratic and universal. (How many of you heard that Nichiren Buddhism was the only school of Buddhism that held women could also attain enlightenment? I did, too many times to count.) Large gatherings in my area were notably diverse - racially, socioeconomically, and country of origin. The SGI also positions itself as an egalitarian organization without an elite Priesthood class. Everyone is a Buddha - and therefore a spiritual equal. The never-ending propagation focus is inclusive - much in the way of the Borg. Prepare to be assimilated!
All of this masks an utterly authoritarian, patriarchal, Japanese-controlled, socially regressive organization that says one thing and does quite another.
Regarding the "ie" structure of Japan's hundreds-of-years-old family businesses:That the SGI would have an affinity group for LBGTQ members that simulates inclusion - and simultaneously maintain the divisional structure that is by definition exclusionary - is as dysfunctional as it gets. Source
For SGI to devise a special group for LBGTQNAA members ("Courageous Freedom", whatever THAT means) that is supposed to represent inclusion, while simultaneously maintaining a divisional structure that BY DEFINITION excludes them - proves that this show of "inclusion" is nothing more than a façade, window-dressing to promote itself and conceal its rotten core, while the "ironclad" dysfunction of the SGI remains unchanged. Source
With regard to that last point, that was apparently the basis for counting all new converts as "households" - they were expected to convert everyone in their family to Soka Gakkai. The Ikeda cult took that as a given, which actually makes some sense, given the pre-war school indoctrination the leaders of the Soka Gakkai had all experienced; as stated above, it harmonized well with social institutions and mores prevalent before 1945.The logic of the “ie” system can be described with the following points:
- The primary objective of the parties in the “ie” relationship is to survive and prosper. The “ie” is neither a contractual venture whose objective is to maximize profit nor is it a venture which can be liquidated after squeezing it dry.
- Ideally, the “ie” must last forever, and as the “ie” prospers so does the family. Therefore, if the “ie” does not exist, neither can the family.
- It is the parents’ responsibility according to the “ie” to continue to have it prosper for the welfare of the family. In a certain sense, it is feudalistic, whereby the parents give children unconditional orders, and the children receive unconditional support.
- The “ie” is an organization in which members will give their all for the benefit of the “ie” by sacrificing their own personal benefits.
- Each “ie” has its specific precepts, habits, and culture. Members are brought up under the same philosophy, or religion, to create a strong team.
Unfortunately for Ikeda and the Soka Gakkai, the appeal of this kind of structure was losing strength post-WWII; it's easy to see Toda's wisdom in declaring in the 1950s that, "If we don't achieve 𝘬𝘰̄𝘴𝘦𝘯-𝘳𝘶𝘧𝘶 within Japan within the next 25 or 26 years, it's game over." The Soka Gakkai's success in taking over Japan ("kosen-rufu") depended upon that conditioning that was no longer happening in the schools or in the family. Ikeda believed he was great enough that he'd be able to overcome the fading of that all-important cultural conditioning within the population after 1945, and somehow "win" against the odds. He didn't.
The new religions continue to think of the ie as the model for family relations. That is, the idea of a corporate body passed from generation to generation, engaged in a common means of subsistence, its eternality symbolically manifest in the cult of ancestors, continues to be the conceptual norm.And there you have it!
Conversion is almost entirely limited to urban areas.
Large corporations in Japan typically screen prospective employees to eliminate members of the new religions. There is an inherent conflict between these two types of organizaitions, based upon a paradoxical similarity. The company at its largest and most elaborate seeks to accommodate nearly every need of its employees until the time of retirement, with a corresponding claim upon their loyalties and to a lesser extent, those of their families. Thus individuals already committed to a creed and to an organization over which the company has no control are suspect and probably unable to commit themselves to the extent of someone who has no such commitment. But it is necessary to recall that only a small proportion of the work force is employed by large corporations. The new religions provide ladders of prestige and reward for achievement, and this is a potent source of their appeal. ... Much as a man rises through the ranks in a company, members of the new religions can win reward and recognition that might well be beyond their reach in secular society. Since secular success so often depends heavily upon education and personal connections, persons lacking these may find themselves barred from many opportunities.
2024.05.18 11:48 admelioremvitam The Man, the Myth, the Legend: Chow Yun Fat
 | Happy Birthday to Chow Yun Fat! submitted by admelioremvitam to CDrama [link] [comments] May 18th is Chow Yun Fat’s birthday. I wanted to share a few gifs and photos here to celebrate his birthday. For anyone who might be interested, here are some random bits of history and facts about Chow Yun Fat gleaned from the interwebs. (Sources and interviews are listed at the bottom.) Chow Yun Fat was born in Lamma Island, Hong Kong in 1955. Lamma Island is the third largest island of Hong Kong and is located southwest of Hong Kong Island. It is considered a rural area even today. His father worked on a Shell Company oil tanker while his mother was a cleaning lady and vegetable farmer. 1 Chow Yun Fat was called Siu Gau (puppy/little dog) up to the age of 7. He didn't know his own name until he attended school and the teacher did roll call. It was local practice to call young children by nicknames for fear that they would not survive the early years of childhood. He grew up in a home with no electricity and no flushing toilet (this type of toilet is known as 夜香 yèxiāng in Chinese). They relied on oil lamps at night. As a child, he woke up at dawn and helped his mom sell herbal jelly and Hakka tea pudding in the morning. In the afternoons, he worked in the fields. 1 His family moved to Kowloon when he was 10. At 17, due to his father's deteriorating health, he dropped out of school to support the family and worked odd jobs, e.g. bell boy, postman, camera shop sales clerk, etc. His first monthly salary was HKD200 (~USD36 in 1972). In 1973, he saw a newspaper advertisement for an actor-trainee position and went for an audition. During that time, the education required was secondary school completion so he was eligible. He almost did not make the cut during the audition but one of the judges (Chung King Fai) supported him. Chow Yun Fat said he couldn't sing or dance very well. Thus, the other judges didn't think too much of him. After one year of training, he signed a long-term contract with TVB which lasted from 1974 to 1986. One of his most notable TVB dramas was The Bund 上海灘 with Ray Liu and Angie Chiu. It is praised as “The Godfather of the East” 2 and spawned sequels, remakes and a film adaptation. The theme song by Frances Yip became a memorable Cantopop hit. Besides TV dramas, Chow Yun Fat also made box office successful movies in the 1970s with Goldig Films which achieved high gross revenues of over HK$1 million. However, his ventures into low-budget films (after the Goldig films) later in the early 1980s were box office disasters. 1 The tides finally turned in 1986 when Chow Yun Fat made A Better Tomorrow with director John Woo. This movie won him his first Best Actor award at the 1987 Hong Kong Film Awards. It was the highest grossing film in Hong Kong cinema history at that time. Thereafter, he stopped making TV dramas and went into films. Just a little anecdote about his first award: Prior to winning the Best Actor award for A Better Tomorrow, he had attended three previous Hong Kong Film Awards where he dressed his best thinking he would win but didn't. For his 4th nomination, he was in the middle of filming and asked his director for time off to go to the award show but he was denied due to the hectic filming schedule. About 2 hours before the show, he received a call that said he was going to win that night. He rushed from Macau to Hong Kong by ferry and car in casual clothing and arrived just in time for his name to be called. Many years later, a host asked him why he didn't have an assistant, manager, etc. deliver a suit for him to change on his way there. Chow replied and said there was no such thing as assistants or managers during those days. Actors were in charge of their own wardrobe. 3 There wasn't even a person to give you some tea. The first person to do that for him was his wife, Jasmine, 4 whom he quietly married in 1986 in a civil ceremony. They later held a wedding ceremony in 1987. After A Better Tomorrow, Chow Yun Fat went on to make “many more 'gun fu' or 'heroic bloodshed' films, such as A Better Tomorrow II (1987), Prison on Fire (1987), Prison on Fire II (1991), The Killer (1989), A Better Tomorrow 3 (1990), Hard Boiled (1992) and City on Fire (1987), an inspiration for Quentin Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs.” 1 While Chow Yun Fat was becoming well known for his honorable tough guy roles, he also starred in comedies and romantic blockbusters. In 1989, he brought together all three types of characters for his role as Ko Chun in God of Gamblers with director Wong Jing. The movie broke the Hong Kong box office records and inspired a series of gambling films and a number of comedic sequels. After making films in Hong Kong for about 10 years, Chow Yun Fat moved into Hollywood films in the mid 1990s. His most notable film during that time was Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon which did very well at the international box office and the Oscars. “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon won over 40 awards and was nominated for 10 Academy Awards in 2001, including Best Picture, and won Best Foreign Language Film, Best Art Direction, Best Original Score, and Best Cinematography, receiving the most nominations ever for a non-English-language film at the time,” 5 In 2006, he and Gong Li made Curse of the Golden Flower, a film directed by Zhang Yimou. “In 2007 it received fourteen nominations at the 26th Hong Kong Film Awards and won Best Actress for Gong Li, Best Art Direction, Best Costume and Make Up Design and Best Original Film Song for "菊花台" (Chrysanthemum Terrace) by Jay Chou.” 6 In 2014, Chow made From Vegas to Macau with director Wong Jing and reprised his role as Ko Chun, God of Gamblers. In 2015 and 2016, he made two more sequels with the last one being the final installment of the God of Gamblers series. A few personal fun facts: Chow Yun Fat is affectionately called by the locals as 發哥 Faat Gor (Brother Fat). His wife, Jasmine, is called 發嫂 Faat Sou (Sister-in-law Fat). Compared to other celebrities, he dresses and lives very modestly. His monthly expense/pocket money is reportedly HKD800 (~USD103). He likes to go to the local produce markets to shop for groceries with his wife. He enjoys eating at small food stalls and he takes public transportation in Hong Kong (in other countries as well). He's often seen on Hong Kong’s MTR. He's also well known for taking selfies with fans and friends. A host called him the “God of Selfies” 自拍神. 😂 Whenever a fan approaches him for a photo (e.g. on the train or when he's out on a run), he is always happy to accept their request and offer to take a selfie/wefie with their phone. His reasoning is two-fold: 1, if fans can spend years watching his films, he can take a few seconds to take a photo with them. 2, he (~183 cm / 6’) is usually taller than they are and it's a better angle for him if he takes the photo. 😂 He developed an interest in fitness after working with Aaron Kwok on the 2014 movie, Monkey King: Havoc in the Heaven’s Palace. For his role in From Vegas to Macau, he shed 13 kg (from ~80 kg) in 10 months. He ran 10 km daily for 1.5 hours during this time. In 2023, he ran a half-marathon in less than 2.5 hours. He has a running group which spawned a couple of other running groups. 7 He plans to run a full marathon eventually. In 2018, Chow Yun Fat said he would donate his entire wealth (reportedly HK$5.6 billion, ~US$715 million in 2018) to charity after he passes. In 2023, he revealed that this idea came from his wife who manages the family’s finances. 8 Happy Birthday, Chow Yun Fat! 發哥, 生日快樂! Sources/Notes:
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2024.05.18 11:24 C_hris_tal I am slowly losing my mind in this family...
I (19F) lives with my parents (50F) and (54M) they both are teachers, other than that I have an elder brother (22M) and currently the only one who is keeping me sane. I have always had a feeling that they hated me, and lately, they don't show any efforts in hiding it either. In a two-story house, I choose to remain on the ground floor to keep my distance from them, I have never once felt like they have done anything for me out of love... it has always been an obligation for them... if I got good grades, they'd love me... but lately, the once bright student in me has been feeling burnt out... on my birthday I also happened to have my university entrance exam, I was nervous and had been expecting at least a gift or a small surprise party when I'd come back from the exam, they did nothing... my brother bought me a cake later at night... the next day, they checked my answers and the answer key... and I did qualify the exam but it wasn't enough to get a government college, and that enraged my father, he said so much stuff like, "I wish you were never born, you are a failure, you are useless... you wasted my money (he didn't put any money in me btw, I prepared for the exam cause I got scholarship.), you passed 12th grade cause you cheated (what?) Why are you my daughter!?" And many more slurs. I did fight him(I won't say i am exactly the submissive little girl who'll just listen, i fought him, i still fight them when they come at me with their ridiculous "you are a failure and no university would give you admission on the bases of you face" i have said bitter stuff too, I'll admit it like "i didn't ask you to bring me in this world" and stuff like that.). In the past, he would have hit me, but he didn't cause my brother to stop him. Each day since then has been a torment... (Also, they haven't bought me half the stuff a teenager has... example:- A LITERAL MOBILE PHONE!, i don't have access to my bank account, don't have a phone number to call anyone either. I am writing this post from the tablet I got from the scholarship program...) they constantly nag me, keep telling me how ungrateful I am, how I'd become a housemaid and all the shit like that, specifically my father, but my mother is not anywhere far from him. The other day, I said I wanted to cut my hair (just some styling and trimming), and my mother said, "I have no money for you." Whenever my brother pampers me, she just asks him if I truly deserve the stuff he gets me.. (he recently got me a bunch of jewelry {a ring, 3 earrings, 2 hair pins, 1 scrunchy, and 2 necklaces. All artificial.} As a birthday gift.) When I was 15, I started doing art, I wanted to be an artist, and they didn't like the idea of it.. they tried their best to stop me from being an artist and they succeed, i still do art but i have lost hope of being a professional one. I had already given up when they told me they'd allow me to be one, it was like they were saving their ass from my future self blaming them for not letting me pursue my career, they could simply say that "we gave you the choice. You didn't take it.."I am not sure why they hate me so much, but I am going to suffocate and die. And no, there's no relative I can trust and go to, neither I can burden a friend. My brother is not responsible for me. He is a college student and will be going back soon. I am scared of what might happen when he's gone... (and in case any of you wanna see my art, it's here :- https://www.instagram.com/mahir_uu?igsh=MTQ4ZDkxMWZ2ems3NA==) Thank you...
submitted by C_hris_tal to depression [link] [comments]
2024.05.18 10:49 shahla_naz The Magic of Keepsakes and Baby Announcements: Capturing Precious Moments
 | The arrival of a newborn is a momentous occasion, a chapter filled with wonder, exhaustion, and endless love. It's a time capsule of firsts – the first smile, the first giggle, those tiny, perfect fingers wrapped around yours. In the whirlwind of emotions, keepsakes and baby announcements become vessels that capture these fleeting moments, transforming them into tangible memories to cherish for a lifetime. submitted by shahla_naz to u/shahla_naz [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/vejigaxwe51d1.png?width=451&format=png&auto=webp&s=9d850c1a9dcc9b85d725466d2a7b97c819ebb3b9 The Power of Keepsakes: Preserving a Legacy of Love A survey revealed that 82% of parents consider keepsakes to be extremely or very important. These treasured items hold the power to transport us back to a specific time and place, evoking a kaleidoscope of emotions. A hand-knitted baby blanket, a lock of hair, or a personalized photo album become tangible reminders of a child's growth and development. Keepsakes Come in All Shapes and Sizes: Keepsakes transcend mere objects; they transform into tangible expressions of love and dedication. Here's a closer look at the treasure trove of keepsakes that capture a child's journey: Handmade Treasures: A Labor of Love: Imagine snuggling your child in a hand-knitted sweater, the stitches whispering stories of countless evenings spent crafting it with love. A meticulously crafted scrapbook, filled with handwritten notes, pressed flowers, and tiny keepsakes, becomes a personalized time capsule, brimming with sentimentality. These handmade treasures hold a unique power – they are imbued with the love and care poured into their creation, making them irreplaceable heirlooms. Firsts Galore: Celebrating Milestones: Those precious "firsts" – the gummy grin of a first smile, the wonder in their eyes during their first haircut – are fleeting moments we desperately want to hold onto. Keepsakes dedicated to these milestones help us do just that. A "first smile" frame adorned with a photo captures that radiant grin forever. A "first haircut" certificate, complete with a lock of hair and the date, becomes a sweet reminder of a momentous occasion. These keepsakes serve as stepping stones on a child's growth journey, allowing us to relive these special moments with a surge of fondness. Personalized Touches: Uniquely You: Sometimes, a simple touch can elevate a keepsake to a whole new level. Engraved jewelry, a locket with a sonogram etched on the inside or a birthstone, becomes a personalized treasure that a child can carry close to their heart. Personalized growth charts document a child's physical development, but can also be adorned with photos, milestones, and handwritten messages, transforming them into cherished keepsakes. Custom-designed baby books allow you to curate a one-of-a-kind narrative of your child's life, filled with photos, stories, and personalized embellishments. These personalized keepsakes reflect the unique bond between parent and child, making them even more special. Digital Keepsakes: Embracing the Modern World: The digital age offers a plethora of options to preserve memories in new and exciting ways. Create a digital scrapbook using online platforms, where you can compile photos, videos, and even voice recordings, weaving a multimedia tapestry of your child's life. Imagine the joy of revisiting these digital keepsakes years down the line, with the ability to relive precious moments through sight and sound. Record a heartfelt message to your child, expressing your hopes and dreams for them. Schedule it to be delivered on their 18th birthday, a time capsule of love and guidance to navigate their next chapter. Digital keepsakes, while not tangible in the traditional sense, offer a unique way to preserve memories in a constantly evolving world. Keepsakes Foster Connection: Keepsakes aren't just for parents. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cherished friends can all curate their own collections, fostering a sense of connection and shared history with the child. Imagine the joy on your grandmother's face as she pulls out a hand-stitched baby quilt you made as a child. Keepsakes become a bridge across generations, weaving a tapestry of love and family. Imagine the delight on your aunt's face when she unwraps a hand-drawn portrait you created as a little one, or the warmth that fills your uncle's heart as he reads a first birthday card signed by his tiny niece. These cherished items become more than just objects; they transform into tangible reminders of love, milestones, and the unbreakable bond between generations. Here's how keepsakes act as a bridge across generations: · Building Connections: A hand-knitted sweater from Grandma, a first rattle passed down from a cherished family friend - these keepsakes represent the love and care poured into the child by those beyond the immediate parents. · Shared History: Keepsakes become conversation starters, sparking memories and stories. Looking at a framed photo from a baby's first trip to the zoo can lead to discussions about family adventures and traditions. · Sense of Belonging: Having personalized keepsakes allows a child to feel connected to their family history and heritage. A baby book filled with handwritten messages from aunts, uncles, and grandparents provides a tangible reminder of their place within the family tapestry. · Treasured Memories: As time passes, these keepsakes become even more valuable. A child who may not remember their first birthday can still experience the joy of the occasion by viewing a framed photo or a video message from a loved one. Creating Keepsakes for Grandparents and Beyond: Here are some ideas for keepsakes that families can create together, fostering a sense of connection across generations: · Time Capsule: Fill a box with small items that represent the current year, the child's personality, and messages from loved ones. Bury it or store it safely to be opened on a significant birthday or milestone. · Handwritten Letters: Encourage grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cherished friends to write letters to the child, sharing their hopes and dreams for them. These can be included in a baby book or saved as keepsakes. · Collaborative Art Projects: Plan a family gathering where everyone contributes to a piece of art, quilt, or scrapbook dedicated to the child. · Digital Keepsakes: Create a shared online album or digital story that documents the child's growth and milestones. Include photos, videos, and messages from various family members. By encouraging the creation and sharing of keepsakes, families can build a bridge of love and shared history that connects children to the broader circle of people who adore them. These cherished items become more than just objects; they weave a beautiful tapestry of love and family, reminding everyone of the special bond that transcends generations. The Enchantment of Baby Announcements: Spreading the Joy Baby announcements are the joyous declarations of a new life entering the world. They serve a multitude of purposes: · Sharing the News: With a 37% increase in social media baby announcements in the past 5 years, these digital declarations are a quick and easy way to share the happy news with a wider circle. · Setting the Tone: Whether it's a whimsical photo shoot or a heartfelt message, baby announcements set the tone for the child's arrival, reflecting the parents' personalities and their excitement for parenthood. · Creating a Community: Baby announcements can spark a wave of love and support from loved ones near and far. The outpouring of congratulations and well-wishes from friends and family helps build a network of support around the new parents. Beyond the Paper Trail: Creative Announcement Ideas: Themed Photoshoot: Embrace your creativity with a whimsical baby announcement photoshoot. Capture the magic with a superhero theme, a fairytale setting, or a heartwarming family portrait. Whimsical Baby Announcement Photoshoot Ideas: https://preview.redd.it/nbkhaxlze51d1.png?width=455&format=png&auto=webp&s=8e01fbc9438eed07b62ed06cc921ee1599ab9258 1. Superhero Theme: · Concept: Celebrate your little one's arrival as a tiny superhero, ready to take on the world! · Props: o Tiny cape (imagine a knitted one for a newborn) with a symbol of your choice (pacifier, heart, letter) o Mask (soft fabric mask with eye holes big enough for them to see) o Superhero onesie or sleeper o Comic book-style backdrop (you can create one yourself with construction paper!) · Poses: Swaddle your baby in the superhero outfit and have them "soar" through the air (supported by your hand, of course). Capture them holding a tiny bottle as if it's their superpower fuel. 2. Fairytale Setting: · Concept: Transform your home into a whimsical fairytale land. · Props: o Soft, flowy fabrics draped around furniture to create a canopy effect o Crowns, tiaras, or flower halos for your baby o Stuffed animals or woodland creature figurines o Baskets filled with colorful blankets or flowers · Poses: Nestle your baby in a basket surrounded by stuffed animals or have them "sleeping" on a bed of flowers. You and your partner can dress up as fairytale characters for a truly enchanting scene. 3. Heartwarming Family Portrait: · Concept: Capture the pure love and joy of welcoming your new family member. · Props: Blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals to create a cozy atmosphere · Poses: Cuddle up together on a bed or couch with your baby. Let siblings gently touch or hold the baby (with adult supervision, of course). Candid moments of parents gazing at their baby are always heartwarming. A Touch of Humor: Inject a dose of laughter with a funny announcement. Capture your pet "announcing" the arrival or stage a photo of the nursery overflowing with baby gear. The Power of Video: Create a short video announcement. Capture heartwarming moments from the pregnancy journey, culminating in the baby's arrival. Keepsakes and Baby Announcements: A Lasting Legacy In a world that cherishes the fleeting moment, keepsakes and baby announcements become anchors to the past. They are tangible expressions of love, joy, and the sheer wonder of new life. These cherished items serve as a bridge between generations, forging a connection that transcends time. So, embrace the magic of keepsakes and baby announcements, for they are not just mementos, but stepping stones on a journey filled with love, laughter, and a lifetime of memories. Looking for keepsakes or baby announcement inspiration? Look no further than TrueGether, the ultimate online destination for all things baby! TrueGether boasts a vibrant marketplace filled with unique and affordable keepsakes and baby announcements, offering a fantastic alternative to sites like eBay. With prices starting at just $9.49, TrueGether caters to every budget. Explore a diverse selection encompassing baby books and albums to meticulously record your child's milestones, adorable handprint kits to capture those tiny fingers and toes, and a treasure trove of other keepsakes that will become cherished reminders of this special time. TrueGether empowers you to find the perfect keepsakes and baby announcements to weave a narrative of your child's precious journey. |
2024.05.18 09:17 Equal_Low8347 What gift should I (20f) give my bf (22m) for his birthday?
His birthday is on Saturday, May 25th.
TL;DR I don't have a lot of time and got no money what can I give this man when i have very little skills of the artistic variety?
My boyfriend and I are an ocean apart and I have no money to spend on a gift for him. I work 16 hours the day before and the day of his birthday with Sunday only working 8 hours and the following Monday being 16 again. I work two jobs and only have one full day off this Wednesday. I'm thinking about calling out of one of my jobs on his birthday but I've called out a lot recently due to being pretty sick and I don't work two jobs for fun...
I don't have a lot of energy but at one of my jobs I do have a lot of downtime (usually) so does anyone know of gift ideas I can give him? I can play games and watch movies and shows with him for a few hours while I'm working at one job (if all goes well) but I also would like to give him something personal. I like drawing but I'm not good at it although I'll still try to work on something. We also don't have photos of us together. All videos of us playing together he has because my computer has no space for that (I'll still ask him for the footage and maybe i can edit it together? I don't know how to edit)
I'm at a loss of what I can do for him as he gave me a very special drawing (hes very artistic) for my birthday.
submitted by Equal_Low8347 to LongDistance [link] [comments]
TL;DR I don't have a lot of time and got no money what can I give this man when i have very little skills of the artistic variety?
My boyfriend and I are an ocean apart and I have no money to spend on a gift for him. I work 16 hours the day before and the day of his birthday with Sunday only working 8 hours and the following Monday being 16 again. I work two jobs and only have one full day off this Wednesday. I'm thinking about calling out of one of my jobs on his birthday but I've called out a lot recently due to being pretty sick and I don't work two jobs for fun...
I don't have a lot of energy but at one of my jobs I do have a lot of downtime (usually) so does anyone know of gift ideas I can give him? I can play games and watch movies and shows with him for a few hours while I'm working at one job (if all goes well) but I also would like to give him something personal. I like drawing but I'm not good at it although I'll still try to work on something. We also don't have photos of us together. All videos of us playing together he has because my computer has no space for that (I'll still ask him for the footage and maybe i can edit it together? I don't know how to edit)
I'm at a loss of what I can do for him as he gave me a very special drawing (hes very artistic) for my birthday.
2024.05.18 09:01 SharkEva AITAH For breaking my Number 1 sex rule with a handicapped guy?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Throwra_JessComeOn posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 17th April 2024
Update1 - 19th April 2024
Update2 - 13th May 2024
AITAH For breaking my Number 1 sex rule with a handicapped guy?
Obviously throwaway, I don’t need anyone here seeing my regular account. Also I’m in the US and English is my first language, any discrepancies are because I suck at typing on my phone.
So TL/DR for the “give me the bare bones, I don’t have all day to read on the shitter” crew: My #1 sex rule since high school has been no sex before the third date. I recently broke that rule with a handicapped guy, and now my childhood best friend is pissed and grossed out because she thinks I have some weird kind of fetish.
Context/full story: I’m a 28f. My childhood best friend we’ll call Jess is also 28f. To put it simply, I don’t think I’m any kind of prude, I just don’t really feel comfortable with casual sex, never have. My best friend knows this and has teased me about it lightly in the past. She’s been in a long term relationship for the last 3 years, I’ve mostly been single while working on my degree and starting my career. Jess lives in another state with her boyfriend, so we don’t hang out much anymore.
So about a month ago I had a first date with a guy I’d been talking to for a bit, thought it was going places, but he gave a WEIRD vibe on the date and I cut and ran early. On my way home I stopped at a local pub, figured I’d have a drink to unwind and people watch till it wore off. (Tipsy driving is still drunk driving IMO.) I get there and it’s pretty packed, Friday night and all, and there was no seating room at the bar. Took my drink and looked around, most of the “restaurant” side of the pub was someone’s birthday party, but there was a small table with a seat open off to the side, with a guy reading a book there. So I say eff it, I’m a social person and what’s the worst thing that happens, he says no? So I ask if I can sit there for a bit, I promise we don’t have to talk or anything.
At this point I feel like I’ve fucked up because this guy up close is the hottest man I have ever seen. But he just smiled at me and gave an enthusiastic “Sure!” A few minutes later of me sipping in silence and he says “I don’t mind talking, if you want to.” (Yeah I want to are you kidding me right now?) We talk for a bit and it turns out Mike (fake name) is 29, just finished his master’s degree in some kind of computer learning field (“I program computers to program computers”) and he’s living on his own for the first time. He apparently stops by the pub after work because he’s right around the corner, and he’s not used to the silence yet after living so long with a half dozen siblings.
We talked for a good two hours, about everything from dating (which he said he’s basically given up on) to hobbies and tastes, and we have a near total eclipse of a venn diagram on this stuff. I eventually sort of blurted out that I don’t know why he’d give up on dating, this is the closest thing I’ve had to a good date in forever. (Shooting my shot obliquely here lol.) He gets kind of an odd look on his face and says “Tell you what, I have to go to the bathroom, but when I come back I’ll ask you out for real.” Weird, but okay?
Then it all clicks, because he doesn’t get up to walk away, he just rolls. In his wheelchair. And I’m thinking “oh my God he wanted to give me a chance to back out of this without making it awkward how cute can this guy BE.” He grinned like crazy when he got back and saw I was still there, and I basically tripped over myself saying something to the effect of “So I’m free all weekend, what did you have in mind?”
Another hour later, we’ve got plans for Saturday, and he told me he has a neuromuscular disorder I can’t remember the name of (my degree isn’t in STEM lol) so his legs work, but the signals from his brain get misinterpreted so he doesn’t have the balance or coordination for walking or standing. The pub starts switching over to the youngerowdier crowd and he asks if I’d like to go back to his place for coffee to continue our conversation.
As you have probably long since realized, I did not get any coffee or conversation till the next morning and I have ZERO regrets. We’ve been dating since and I know it’s still early but I really feel like this might be the one.
Onward to yesterday afternoon, my friend Jess (remember Jess?) is in town, and we go out for coffee to catch up on things. I’m gushing about Mike, but when I get to how we met she just sort of got weird and edgy. I don’t remember any exact words but she essentially said that I must have a fetish for the handicapped since I broke my #1 rule and it’s the best physical relationship I’ve ever been in. Like it’s good for me because he uses a wheelchair, not because the guy puts in effort in bed??? She said I’ve “changed” as a person and left without even saying goodbye. 15 years of friendship and I’ve never seen her like that.
So here I am, asking the most objective people online (haha) if I’m an asshole or weird for being super attracted to a guy who uses a wheelchair and basically putting out immediately.
Comments
RefrigeratorHot3859
Firstly, you are allowed to change the rules that you made for yourself. Secondly, I do not get from anything you wrote that you have a “fetish” for the handicapped. Her comments are weird.
Sounds like you need to keep Mike and drop Jess. Good friends will be happy for you, and from what I can gather, that ain’t her.
dubh_righ
She's got a weird fetish - for super hot guys who are kind, and well spoken, and fuck like a hero. What a weirdo. (sarcasm, in case it's not obvious)
brelywi
Hey that’s my fetish too! Here I was thinking I was the only one.
ShottsSeastone
oh fuck that friend. i read this whole thing.
Update - 2 days later
My first ever update! Yay! Uh, so if you were hoping for some terrible drama, I hate to break it to you that I don’t roll like that. No pun intended. So I do have an update on Jess and shit finally makes perfect sense. And I have a slightly NSFW but funny story about Mike, because this guy is just the best, y’all.
Okay, so first, I finally messaged Jess yesterday and said basically “I’m still hurt by what you said, but after 15 years of friendship I’d never forgive musif I didn’t at least ask why you snapped at me like that.” She replied immediately, “I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t mean any of that, can we have a do over on lunch?” So I agreed cautiously and took a half day to meet with her today.
Turns out that those of you who said she was jealous, and that she might have something else going on, and especially the person who said something might be going on in HER relationship….. gold stars. She’s in town because she’s job hunting, because she’s moving back in with her parents for a while since her relationship ended. Apparently they have been having a ton of small problems adding up, but the biggest one? Sex. The guy she’s been with was apparently never great but it’s gotten to the point where he makes no effort at all for her to enjoy herself and then gets pissed when she isn’t in the mood.
She tried talking with him about it, making suggestions but he told her recently that it’s “emasculating” being given sex advice by a woman. The straw that broke the metaphorical camel’s back, however, was that her boyfriend has always had a thing for Asian women. She’s caucasian, but she does have long black hair. After weeks of fighting over their sex life, he suggested that they spice things up….by her dressing in a kimono and pretending to be Asian. She lost it on him and is absolutely disgusted by the racist fetishism and ended it right then.
So she had allllll of this bottled up and was hoping to talk to me and finally be able to put it down….. and I missed every hint that she had something big to discuss because I was gushing about Mike. So to her it felt like I was just twisting the knife by bragging about how great our sex was. She snapped, and somewhere between what I was saying and what she wanted to talk about some wires got crossed and she said something incredibly dumb.
She left without saying goodbye because she was mortified and ashamed as well as irrationally mad at me. Something to know about Jess, she’s an awful liar and she and I were the co-founders of our high school’s “foot-in-mouth” society, so I do believe her. I told her I forgive her and I’m sorry I didn’t realize she wanted to talk about something bothering her, and she said I was too stupidly nice and have nothing to apologize for, so I think we’ll be okay. For the time being I’m not ready for her and Mike to meet, because I don’t want to make things feel worse, and she agrees. But she’s really really happy for me. Hopefully this is just a funny story we can look back on someday.
So, on to how Mike almost killed me, lol. Last night we were talking about the reddit post and he gets this funny expression that I’m starting to recognize. And he goes “How do we know you don’t have a fetish if we haven’t at least tried it in the chair?” And I’m like “are you serious lol”. He said he’s never attempted it, because (cue tears) he’s never felt so comfortable with a partner before. Well.
His chair has what is essentially like a parking break thing. Or it should, it’s unfortunately broken and apparently getting them fixed is an expensive pain in the ass. He doesn’t use it that often so he hasn’t made it a priority. And there’s this thing called Newton’s third law, you know how every action has an equal and opposite reaction? As it happens, when you’re trying to, ah, get the motion of the ocean going, in a chair with wheels that aren’t locked, there’s a sort of counter motion that starts and fucks it all up. So we were going nowhere fast except for inching along the floor in his bedroom. And laughing at the silliness, which isn’t helping. Eventually he just stops and says “Maybe we can get some of those wooden block things they use to keep little planes from rolling away, like in Indiana Jones you know?”
I absolutely lost it. Like laughing so hard I’m in tears, he’s giggling half at the situation and half at my reaction, and everything just keeps setting me off again. FINALLY I get it under control, doing some deep breathing exercises and shit, and I look at him again. And he pulls the straightest face he can, and says, for the love of god, “Golly. This sure is uncomfortable.” Folks if I had asthma I would have fucking died right there. I laughed so hard I think I pulled a rib. Like wheezing and not even laughing anymore so much as weeping and making this awful “heeeeee” noise when I could catch my breath. While he’s laughing and rubbing my back and saying he’s sorry, he couldn’t resist.
So yeah, confirmed, no fetish here, and this magnificent bastard’s comedic timing might actually kill me.
I doubt I’ll update again, because there’s really nothing I can see needing to share given everything sort of worked out. And in the end, the real assholes were the….friends we made along the way? Idk. Thanks for all the lovely comments on my last post and for coming along with me on this absurd but brief drama in my life, lol.
Comments
Rustymarble
Obviously, Jess needs to have a twin with a mother-in-law invade her home with ummm....dog poo...and somehow there's a tree dropping leaves and and a 7 year old brat threw an ummm...apple? And then the cops came and everyone clapps!
Forward-Two3846
I think Mike updates are essential to AITAH 😆. I am so excited for you and I hope you have the time of your life.
Update - 1 month later
Hello again! I was going to post this on my own page but a few people mentioned that they think it’s nice to read on AITAH, so fuck it, here’s the “met Mikes family” update. And it's a doozy, or at least felt like it at the time for a girl who grew up with a small, dysfunctional family.
So first up, you know what people (at least me) don’t think about when dating a guy who’s always sitting? Height. I know he’s taller than me because we cuddle a lot, and he’s taller sitting on the couch, but I didn’t reeeeeeally get it. So we drive up Friday night after work (actually south and west, lol, but to my brain it’s always up) in his vehicle, which is modified to be driven entirely using his hands. Neat, right? He’s a really good driver too. One more green flag. We get to the house, and it’s…. It’s huge you guys, LOL like not a mansion, just kind of a sprawling one floor rancher. Real estate was wild back in the day.
Anyway we get out, and I meet his mom. I’d like to point out I am no slouch, I’m 5’-friggin-7. His mom is TOWERING over me. But she was the nicest lady ever. We go inside and I meet his dad (who funny enough is apparently the only short one in this family) and his youngest sister, who is living there with his one year old niece. She gets up to hug me and SHE IS ALSO REALLY TALL. It’s already a bit late then, so we eat and head to bed, I get to see his cute as shit room from when he was a teenager, and I casually ask “hey, so uh, I don’t know how this works and stuff, but how tall are you?” and Mike is all “I dunno, like a bit over 6’4? Been a while since I checked.” A BIT OVER 6’4. “So, is everyone in your family tall?” “…..kinda?”
We met the Nordic Basketball team he calls a family properly the next day. (Actually they’re Irish, but they’re blond and tall so it conveys the idea better.) The ONLY one of reasonable height, and still taller than me, was his oldest sister, lol.
They are also LOUD. Like not really shouting or anything usually, just, PRESENT. Mike is a lot different around them, but in the cutest way, like he just beams all the time and you can see how happy he is to be home. One of his brothers put him in a headlock and gave him a dang NOOGIE as a greeting, and got elbowed in the side for it, and all of them laughing. And his mom smacked one of his brothers with a rolled up magazine for putting his feet on the table. More laughing. Just… intimidating but in the happiest way imaginable. I’ll admit I was a little shut down for a bit, but Mike kept checking in with me to make sure I was okay, and they were all really nice, so I got into the spirit after a bit.
I mentioned this in another comment, but Mike has a special sports wheelchair he uses for, well, sports. And he and his siblings play basketball. And he is GOOD. Apart from just having a hell of an arm, he’s quick as hell. And this magnificent bastard that I love will absolutely, purposefully, GLEEFULLY run someone’s toes over. He AIMS for it. They all have this yank-back-the-foot maneuver that’s hysterical to watch.
So it was this crazy day of loud people playing and having a blast, nieces and nephews running around, and just noise. My ears are still ringing. The food was catered in advance because his mom “had seven babies, all I make on mother’s day is margaritas.” They also have a pool, it’s a bit chilly still but the pool is HEATED so we actually all got to swim, which was a lot of fun because I got to show off that I too am athletic…. I can do a backwards somersault off a diving board! Yeah. I’m a real catch lol. They at least pretended to be impressed.
We all stayed up late drinking and bitching that it was too overcast to see the aurora (boo) and I had the worst hangover I’ve had in a while on Sunday. We slept in a bit late, and then joined Mike’s family for the BBQ part of the BBQ weekend. His dad can GRILL, people. And he’s fast, food coming off the grill at lightning speed. I asked Mike about it and he laughed and said “there was seven of us to feed. Ever see a nest of baby birds? He had practice.” Which, fair enough.
I don’t have much experience with babies, but I got to hold his youngest niece (the one living at home with his sis until her husband gets back from deployment) and we had a light talk about kids in the future. I told him that I never put much thought into it but if they were going to grow up in a happy home like his and not how I grew up, I’m pretty sure I’d be open to having them with him someday. But later. I need him all to myself for a while first. He seemed really really happy about that, which makes ME feel all goofy and happy. I’m sappy.
We had to drive home Sunday night, but before we went his mom hugged me and said she’s NEVER seen her son like this, and thanked me for taking good care of her baby. And asked if we’d be back for the 4th of July or if we were doing something with my family. And I tried to be all “haaaa no we’ll be here if you don’t mind, I don’t see them much” and I think she caught on that there’s more to the story so she just hugged the shit out of me (vikings, all of them I swear) and told me she can’t wait to see me again.
My ears are still ringing from all the noise and chaos, but it was an absolute blast and I can’t wait to see them again in July. Also, pretty much sure Mike is the man I’m going to marry. I literally can’t think of a single reason why I would ever let him get away.
Anyway thanks for reading, hope you all had a lovely weekend, and those of you who got to see the aurora I’m happy for you but you suck, lol.
Comments
ERVetSurgeon
NTA. sounds like you have found a happy family to join. Good for you and good for Mike.
This story is so heart warming it belongs on BestofRedditorUpdates.
Congratulations, at some parts I felt like I was reading about the Roarke Family's dynamics in one of Nora Robert's JD Robb's Eve Dallas Novels, the whole Irish family vibes were just there. So lovely.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 17th April 2024
Update1 - 19th April 2024
Update2 - 13th May 2024
AITAH For breaking my Number 1 sex rule with a handicapped guy?
Obviously throwaway, I don’t need anyone here seeing my regular account. Also I’m in the US and English is my first language, any discrepancies are because I suck at typing on my phone.
So TL/DR for the “give me the bare bones, I don’t have all day to read on the shitter” crew: My #1 sex rule since high school has been no sex before the third date. I recently broke that rule with a handicapped guy, and now my childhood best friend is pissed and grossed out because she thinks I have some weird kind of fetish.
Context/full story: I’m a 28f. My childhood best friend we’ll call Jess is also 28f. To put it simply, I don’t think I’m any kind of prude, I just don’t really feel comfortable with casual sex, never have. My best friend knows this and has teased me about it lightly in the past. She’s been in a long term relationship for the last 3 years, I’ve mostly been single while working on my degree and starting my career. Jess lives in another state with her boyfriend, so we don’t hang out much anymore.
So about a month ago I had a first date with a guy I’d been talking to for a bit, thought it was going places, but he gave a WEIRD vibe on the date and I cut and ran early. On my way home I stopped at a local pub, figured I’d have a drink to unwind and people watch till it wore off. (Tipsy driving is still drunk driving IMO.) I get there and it’s pretty packed, Friday night and all, and there was no seating room at the bar. Took my drink and looked around, most of the “restaurant” side of the pub was someone’s birthday party, but there was a small table with a seat open off to the side, with a guy reading a book there. So I say eff it, I’m a social person and what’s the worst thing that happens, he says no? So I ask if I can sit there for a bit, I promise we don’t have to talk or anything.
At this point I feel like I’ve fucked up because this guy up close is the hottest man I have ever seen. But he just smiled at me and gave an enthusiastic “Sure!” A few minutes later of me sipping in silence and he says “I don’t mind talking, if you want to.” (Yeah I want to are you kidding me right now?) We talk for a bit and it turns out Mike (fake name) is 29, just finished his master’s degree in some kind of computer learning field (“I program computers to program computers”) and he’s living on his own for the first time. He apparently stops by the pub after work because he’s right around the corner, and he’s not used to the silence yet after living so long with a half dozen siblings.
We talked for a good two hours, about everything from dating (which he said he’s basically given up on) to hobbies and tastes, and we have a near total eclipse of a venn diagram on this stuff. I eventually sort of blurted out that I don’t know why he’d give up on dating, this is the closest thing I’ve had to a good date in forever. (Shooting my shot obliquely here lol.) He gets kind of an odd look on his face and says “Tell you what, I have to go to the bathroom, but when I come back I’ll ask you out for real.” Weird, but okay?
Then it all clicks, because he doesn’t get up to walk away, he just rolls. In his wheelchair. And I’m thinking “oh my God he wanted to give me a chance to back out of this without making it awkward how cute can this guy BE.” He grinned like crazy when he got back and saw I was still there, and I basically tripped over myself saying something to the effect of “So I’m free all weekend, what did you have in mind?”
Another hour later, we’ve got plans for Saturday, and he told me he has a neuromuscular disorder I can’t remember the name of (my degree isn’t in STEM lol) so his legs work, but the signals from his brain get misinterpreted so he doesn’t have the balance or coordination for walking or standing. The pub starts switching over to the youngerowdier crowd and he asks if I’d like to go back to his place for coffee to continue our conversation.
As you have probably long since realized, I did not get any coffee or conversation till the next morning and I have ZERO regrets. We’ve been dating since and I know it’s still early but I really feel like this might be the one.
Onward to yesterday afternoon, my friend Jess (remember Jess?) is in town, and we go out for coffee to catch up on things. I’m gushing about Mike, but when I get to how we met she just sort of got weird and edgy. I don’t remember any exact words but she essentially said that I must have a fetish for the handicapped since I broke my #1 rule and it’s the best physical relationship I’ve ever been in. Like it’s good for me because he uses a wheelchair, not because the guy puts in effort in bed??? She said I’ve “changed” as a person and left without even saying goodbye. 15 years of friendship and I’ve never seen her like that.
So here I am, asking the most objective people online (haha) if I’m an asshole or weird for being super attracted to a guy who uses a wheelchair and basically putting out immediately.
Comments
RefrigeratorHot3859
Firstly, you are allowed to change the rules that you made for yourself. Secondly, I do not get from anything you wrote that you have a “fetish” for the handicapped. Her comments are weird.
Sounds like you need to keep Mike and drop Jess. Good friends will be happy for you, and from what I can gather, that ain’t her.
dubh_righ
She's got a weird fetish - for super hot guys who are kind, and well spoken, and fuck like a hero. What a weirdo. (sarcasm, in case it's not obvious)
OOP: Okay, yeah this made me laugh for real. Seriously, what a weeeeird fetish I have!
brelywi
Hey that’s my fetish too! Here I was thinking I was the only one.
ShottsSeastone
oh fuck that friend. i read this whole thing.
- you have 0 fetish.
- the guy is hot
- the guy is intelligent
- the guy lives on his own
- the guy has his shit together
- THE MAN GAVE YOU THE DOOR TO LEAVE
- Love comes in all shapes and sizes.
OOP: That shit floored me. He's so considerate in so many ways. His stories about his sibs are also hilarious, I can't wait to meet them. We're trying not to rush things just because it all seems so great, but they have a BBQ in May that he'd like me to come to and I am so there. He was raised around a lot of love and it shows.
Update - 2 days later
My first ever update! Yay! Uh, so if you were hoping for some terrible drama, I hate to break it to you that I don’t roll like that. No pun intended. So I do have an update on Jess and shit finally makes perfect sense. And I have a slightly NSFW but funny story about Mike, because this guy is just the best, y’all.
Okay, so first, I finally messaged Jess yesterday and said basically “I’m still hurt by what you said, but after 15 years of friendship I’d never forgive musif I didn’t at least ask why you snapped at me like that.” She replied immediately, “I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t mean any of that, can we have a do over on lunch?” So I agreed cautiously and took a half day to meet with her today.
Turns out that those of you who said she was jealous, and that she might have something else going on, and especially the person who said something might be going on in HER relationship….. gold stars. She’s in town because she’s job hunting, because she’s moving back in with her parents for a while since her relationship ended. Apparently they have been having a ton of small problems adding up, but the biggest one? Sex. The guy she’s been with was apparently never great but it’s gotten to the point where he makes no effort at all for her to enjoy herself and then gets pissed when she isn’t in the mood.
She tried talking with him about it, making suggestions but he told her recently that it’s “emasculating” being given sex advice by a woman. The straw that broke the metaphorical camel’s back, however, was that her boyfriend has always had a thing for Asian women. She’s caucasian, but she does have long black hair. After weeks of fighting over their sex life, he suggested that they spice things up….by her dressing in a kimono and pretending to be Asian. She lost it on him and is absolutely disgusted by the racist fetishism and ended it right then.
So she had allllll of this bottled up and was hoping to talk to me and finally be able to put it down….. and I missed every hint that she had something big to discuss because I was gushing about Mike. So to her it felt like I was just twisting the knife by bragging about how great our sex was. She snapped, and somewhere between what I was saying and what she wanted to talk about some wires got crossed and she said something incredibly dumb.
She left without saying goodbye because she was mortified and ashamed as well as irrationally mad at me. Something to know about Jess, she’s an awful liar and she and I were the co-founders of our high school’s “foot-in-mouth” society, so I do believe her. I told her I forgive her and I’m sorry I didn’t realize she wanted to talk about something bothering her, and she said I was too stupidly nice and have nothing to apologize for, so I think we’ll be okay. For the time being I’m not ready for her and Mike to meet, because I don’t want to make things feel worse, and she agrees. But she’s really really happy for me. Hopefully this is just a funny story we can look back on someday.
So, on to how Mike almost killed me, lol. Last night we were talking about the reddit post and he gets this funny expression that I’m starting to recognize. And he goes “How do we know you don’t have a fetish if we haven’t at least tried it in the chair?” And I’m like “are you serious lol”. He said he’s never attempted it, because (cue tears) he’s never felt so comfortable with a partner before. Well.
His chair has what is essentially like a parking break thing. Or it should, it’s unfortunately broken and apparently getting them fixed is an expensive pain in the ass. He doesn’t use it that often so he hasn’t made it a priority. And there’s this thing called Newton’s third law, you know how every action has an equal and opposite reaction? As it happens, when you’re trying to, ah, get the motion of the ocean going, in a chair with wheels that aren’t locked, there’s a sort of counter motion that starts and fucks it all up. So we were going nowhere fast except for inching along the floor in his bedroom. And laughing at the silliness, which isn’t helping. Eventually he just stops and says “Maybe we can get some of those wooden block things they use to keep little planes from rolling away, like in Indiana Jones you know?”
I absolutely lost it. Like laughing so hard I’m in tears, he’s giggling half at the situation and half at my reaction, and everything just keeps setting me off again. FINALLY I get it under control, doing some deep breathing exercises and shit, and I look at him again. And he pulls the straightest face he can, and says, for the love of god, “Golly. This sure is uncomfortable.” Folks if I had asthma I would have fucking died right there. I laughed so hard I think I pulled a rib. Like wheezing and not even laughing anymore so much as weeping and making this awful “heeeeee” noise when I could catch my breath. While he’s laughing and rubbing my back and saying he’s sorry, he couldn’t resist.
So yeah, confirmed, no fetish here, and this magnificent bastard’s comedic timing might actually kill me.
I doubt I’ll update again, because there’s really nothing I can see needing to share given everything sort of worked out. And in the end, the real assholes were the….friends we made along the way? Idk. Thanks for all the lovely comments on my last post and for coming along with me on this absurd but brief drama in my life, lol.
Comments
Rustymarble
Obviously, Jess needs to have a twin with a mother-in-law invade her home with ummm....dog poo...and somehow there's a tree dropping leaves and and a 7 year old brat threw an ummm...apple? And then the cops came and everyone clapps!
OOP: And everyone's phones blow up! Genius, I'll finally go viral and get all those internet dollars I assume people are raking in, LOL
I probably will post an update on this account, but I don't necessarily want to bog down AITAH with my silly shit. I'm so excited and nervous. It's apparently a Mother's Day BBQ! which I didn't know because my parents and I are estranged and I never even seriously thought about having kids before meeting Mike. But apparently it's a lot of people and a lot of food and apparently everyone knows he's bringing me. Also, can I just say FUCK YES about his mom? They apparently have a huge one floor rancher and she just assumed we'd be sleeping together in his old room. Like none of that weird "you aren't married so you get separate rooms" shit. I already adore them and we haven't even met yet.
Forward-Two3846
I think Mike updates are essential to AITAH 😆. I am so excited for you and I hope you have the time of your life.
OOP: Oh there is one coming. Oh my God his family, lol. I am exhausted already and it's only 1 here, and we have another day of this ahead! They are amazing and he is glowing like a fireball, the side of him when he's with family is so bright I need sunglasses to look at him.
Update - 1 month later
Hello again! I was going to post this on my own page but a few people mentioned that they think it’s nice to read on AITAH, so fuck it, here’s the “met Mikes family” update. And it's a doozy, or at least felt like it at the time for a girl who grew up with a small, dysfunctional family.
So first up, you know what people (at least me) don’t think about when dating a guy who’s always sitting? Height. I know he’s taller than me because we cuddle a lot, and he’s taller sitting on the couch, but I didn’t reeeeeeally get it. So we drive up Friday night after work (actually south and west, lol, but to my brain it’s always up) in his vehicle, which is modified to be driven entirely using his hands. Neat, right? He’s a really good driver too. One more green flag. We get to the house, and it’s…. It’s huge you guys, LOL like not a mansion, just kind of a sprawling one floor rancher. Real estate was wild back in the day.
Anyway we get out, and I meet his mom. I’d like to point out I am no slouch, I’m 5’-friggin-7. His mom is TOWERING over me. But she was the nicest lady ever. We go inside and I meet his dad (who funny enough is apparently the only short one in this family) and his youngest sister, who is living there with his one year old niece. She gets up to hug me and SHE IS ALSO REALLY TALL. It’s already a bit late then, so we eat and head to bed, I get to see his cute as shit room from when he was a teenager, and I casually ask “hey, so uh, I don’t know how this works and stuff, but how tall are you?” and Mike is all “I dunno, like a bit over 6’4? Been a while since I checked.” A BIT OVER 6’4. “So, is everyone in your family tall?” “…..kinda?”
We met the Nordic Basketball team he calls a family properly the next day. (Actually they’re Irish, but they’re blond and tall so it conveys the idea better.) The ONLY one of reasonable height, and still taller than me, was his oldest sister, lol.
They are also LOUD. Like not really shouting or anything usually, just, PRESENT. Mike is a lot different around them, but in the cutest way, like he just beams all the time and you can see how happy he is to be home. One of his brothers put him in a headlock and gave him a dang NOOGIE as a greeting, and got elbowed in the side for it, and all of them laughing. And his mom smacked one of his brothers with a rolled up magazine for putting his feet on the table. More laughing. Just… intimidating but in the happiest way imaginable. I’ll admit I was a little shut down for a bit, but Mike kept checking in with me to make sure I was okay, and they were all really nice, so I got into the spirit after a bit.
I mentioned this in another comment, but Mike has a special sports wheelchair he uses for, well, sports. And he and his siblings play basketball. And he is GOOD. Apart from just having a hell of an arm, he’s quick as hell. And this magnificent bastard that I love will absolutely, purposefully, GLEEFULLY run someone’s toes over. He AIMS for it. They all have this yank-back-the-foot maneuver that’s hysterical to watch.
So it was this crazy day of loud people playing and having a blast, nieces and nephews running around, and just noise. My ears are still ringing. The food was catered in advance because his mom “had seven babies, all I make on mother’s day is margaritas.” They also have a pool, it’s a bit chilly still but the pool is HEATED so we actually all got to swim, which was a lot of fun because I got to show off that I too am athletic…. I can do a backwards somersault off a diving board! Yeah. I’m a real catch lol. They at least pretended to be impressed.
We all stayed up late drinking and bitching that it was too overcast to see the aurora (boo) and I had the worst hangover I’ve had in a while on Sunday. We slept in a bit late, and then joined Mike’s family for the BBQ part of the BBQ weekend. His dad can GRILL, people. And he’s fast, food coming off the grill at lightning speed. I asked Mike about it and he laughed and said “there was seven of us to feed. Ever see a nest of baby birds? He had practice.” Which, fair enough.
I don’t have much experience with babies, but I got to hold his youngest niece (the one living at home with his sis until her husband gets back from deployment) and we had a light talk about kids in the future. I told him that I never put much thought into it but if they were going to grow up in a happy home like his and not how I grew up, I’m pretty sure I’d be open to having them with him someday. But later. I need him all to myself for a while first. He seemed really really happy about that, which makes ME feel all goofy and happy. I’m sappy.
We had to drive home Sunday night, but before we went his mom hugged me and said she’s NEVER seen her son like this, and thanked me for taking good care of her baby. And asked if we’d be back for the 4th of July or if we were doing something with my family. And I tried to be all “haaaa no we’ll be here if you don’t mind, I don’t see them much” and I think she caught on that there’s more to the story so she just hugged the shit out of me (vikings, all of them I swear) and told me she can’t wait to see me again.
My ears are still ringing from all the noise and chaos, but it was an absolute blast and I can’t wait to see them again in July. Also, pretty much sure Mike is the man I’m going to marry. I literally can’t think of a single reason why I would ever let him get away.
Anyway thanks for reading, hope you all had a lovely weekend, and those of you who got to see the aurora I’m happy for you but you suck, lol.
Comments
ERVetSurgeon
NTA. sounds like you have found a happy family to join. Good for you and good for Mike.
OOP: It's still pretty surreal. The other in laws that were there were all like that smiling hanging guy meme, "First time?" It was a great weekend.Stormy8888
This story is so heart warming it belongs on BestofRedditorUpdates.
Congratulations, at some parts I felt like I was reading about the Roarke Family's dynamics in one of Nora Robert's JD Robb's Eve Dallas Novels, the whole Irish family vibes were just there. So lovely.
OOP: Ahahaha I don't think it's interesting enough for that, but I am glad people are enjoying it.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.18 08:40 scaredthwaway How do I (21NB) handle a roommate (22F) that refuses to help around the house or compromise?
Hi Reddit.
Here's the situation.
TL;DR - I spent a lot of money to prevent my friend/current roommate and her pets from becoming homeless. She doesn't do her chores or pay bills, and neglects her three pets. I tried to talk to her about these problems, but she got pissed at me and I'm scared she'll get violent now.
I moved to the U.S. Midwest from Texas about two years ago. A friend from highschool in Texas and I got back in contact with each other. We hadn’t spoken to each other in 4-5 years but we started talking and it felt like we were friends again.
She mentioned that her roommate wanted to live alone, and that she wasn’t sure where she was going to go when the lease was up. I thought I could trust her, I mean we knew each other for years before we stopped keeping in contact with each other. I said that she could move to South Dakota and we could be roommates. She agreed quickly that she thought that was a good idea.
The plan was for when her lease was up that she would move in with her mom to save money so she could afford the trip to South Dakota. A few days before her lease was up she suddenly told me that her mom couldn’t take her in anymore. She also said that she was broke. I was concerned for my friend. I didn’t want her to become homeless and we were planning to move in together anyway so I paid for her to make the trip here with her two dogs and her cat.
I paid for groceries for pet expenses and we lived in a one bedroom apartment with her on the couch for about a month. We split the chores but I was covering Everything financially. I noticed that she was messier than me and didn’t clean as often but she always said she was trying. Every time things got so messy that it stressed me out I would do her chores for her.
She had found a job at this point but had not started paying me back. Then we found a two bedroom house. We both signed the lease and moved in. But she became even worse at keeping up with the chores and even taking care of the pets. She would pay me back some but then would always ask for more. Two steps forward three steps back. I continued to carry the financial burden, take care of her pets, and do her chores.
Then she started talking about this concert that her dad bought tickets for that she “needs” to go to. The tickets were non refundable. Even though her dad bought the tickets she would need to pay for gas and food. And she had still not payed me back anything.
I let it slide thinking it’s ok she’ll still pay me back after the concert. Then she asked when our lease is up because she doesn’t like it here and she wants to move back to Texas. And I realize that things won’t get better. Because they can’t possibly get better if she doesn’t stay and continue to work to make things better.
I spend the next couple of days spending as little time with her as possible until I can talk to my therapist. I continue doing her chores and taking care of her pets albeit not as comfortable with the arrangement as I was before.
I finally talk with my therapist. We script out what I want to say. I’m supposed to ask her for the money she owes me for the month. I’m supposed to explain that I am having trouble fulfilling my financial obligations because she is not fulfilling hers. I’m supposed to be kind but firm and not let her change the subject. I followed the script. She sends me some money but tells me she will not be paying me the rest until after the concert.
The money she refuses to give me is because of a spot cleaner we bought to clean my couch after her dog peed on it. She said that the spot cleaner wasn’t necessary and could have waited until after the concert so she will not be paying me back for it until then.
I say that if she cannot fulfill her financial obligation to me then maybe she shouldn’t go to the concert. She becomes frustrated saying that she will be going to the concert. She also says that she plans to break the lease before winter. That she doesn’t like the weather here. She was very upset. I have learned that She is impulsive and often does things without thinking so I think it possible that she leaves for the concert and decide not to come back. I inform the landlord of the situation. That she plans to break the lease at least before winter.
I also warn him she may break the lease sooner. I tell him she has not been taking care of her animals and that they have caused damage to the property. Peeing and pooping inside when I am not around to take care of them. The cat also has torn up the carpet and the blinds.
I sent the landlord pictures of the damage as well. He plans to call her in a few days. I do not know if he plans to break the lease and tell her to leave or something else entirely
I theb inform her that she will have to find someone else to watch the pets while she is on her trip or take them with her as I will be at work all day and will not be able to take care of them. She says that I am being petty and annoying. She thinks the dogs would be fine alone for 8 hours a day 5 times a week.
Either way I make it clear that I am not willing to watch the pets and that they are not my responsibility
Things have escalated since then. She left for work tonight leaving her dogs roaming. As they often poop and pee inside and chew on stuff I informed her I would be putting them in their kennels as I will not watch them and I don’t want them to mess stuff up.
I cleaned the kennels as they had poop in them and let them in there. She comes home from work during her shift to let the dogs out of the kennels. She storms around the house, slamming doors. She says that the dog beds in the kennels also had pee on them so they needed to be washed. An issue that would not be if she took her dogs outside often enough. She puts the dog bed in the washer, leaves the dogs roaming again and goes back to work
Before she leaves she says again that I am being petty. I text her to inform her that I will be putting the dogs in the kennels when the dog bed has been washed and dried. I also inform her that I am setting boundaries as my therapist suggested and I am simply asking for her to fulfill her obligations to me. This includes paying me back, doing her chores, and taking care of her pets.
She texts me back, with a lot of colorful language. Saying I am being childish and that we will no longer be friends when she leaves. She says that they are her dogs so I am not allowed to touch them and can I put them in their kennels and that they will be left to roam. I do not respond as I believe it would only make her more upset. I leave the pets to roam despite that they may chew on stuff and poop and pee everywhere.
I am scared of her. When she came home from work she was so angry. She is 6ft tall, big, and can pick up her 60lb dog and cradle him like a baby. I am afraid to do anything that will upset her more. I don't know if she would become violent or destructive but again she is impulsive.
This is all happening during the week of my birthday as well. I had planned a birthday party at the house but decided to change the location due to everything that has happened. I do not want to subject my party guests to my roommate at the moment.
All this to say I am under a lot of stress and am unsure of what to do. It has been suggested that I take her pets to a shelter, at least then they will be cared for, but to be honest I would be concerned for my safety.
She is furious because I put her kennel trained dogs in a kennel. I can’t imagine how angry she would be if I took the pets away from her
What do I do? How do I protect myself going forward?
Also, what do I do about her pets? Can I do anything?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
submitted by scaredthwaway to Advice [link] [comments]
Here's the situation.
TL;DR - I spent a lot of money to prevent my friend/current roommate and her pets from becoming homeless. She doesn't do her chores or pay bills, and neglects her three pets. I tried to talk to her about these problems, but she got pissed at me and I'm scared she'll get violent now.
I moved to the U.S. Midwest from Texas about two years ago. A friend from highschool in Texas and I got back in contact with each other. We hadn’t spoken to each other in 4-5 years but we started talking and it felt like we were friends again.
She mentioned that her roommate wanted to live alone, and that she wasn’t sure where she was going to go when the lease was up. I thought I could trust her, I mean we knew each other for years before we stopped keeping in contact with each other. I said that she could move to South Dakota and we could be roommates. She agreed quickly that she thought that was a good idea.
The plan was for when her lease was up that she would move in with her mom to save money so she could afford the trip to South Dakota. A few days before her lease was up she suddenly told me that her mom couldn’t take her in anymore. She also said that she was broke. I was concerned for my friend. I didn’t want her to become homeless and we were planning to move in together anyway so I paid for her to make the trip here with her two dogs and her cat.
I paid for groceries for pet expenses and we lived in a one bedroom apartment with her on the couch for about a month. We split the chores but I was covering Everything financially. I noticed that she was messier than me and didn’t clean as often but she always said she was trying. Every time things got so messy that it stressed me out I would do her chores for her.
She had found a job at this point but had not started paying me back. Then we found a two bedroom house. We both signed the lease and moved in. But she became even worse at keeping up with the chores and even taking care of the pets. She would pay me back some but then would always ask for more. Two steps forward three steps back. I continued to carry the financial burden, take care of her pets, and do her chores.
Then she started talking about this concert that her dad bought tickets for that she “needs” to go to. The tickets were non refundable. Even though her dad bought the tickets she would need to pay for gas and food. And she had still not payed me back anything.
I let it slide thinking it’s ok she’ll still pay me back after the concert. Then she asked when our lease is up because she doesn’t like it here and she wants to move back to Texas. And I realize that things won’t get better. Because they can’t possibly get better if she doesn’t stay and continue to work to make things better.
I spend the next couple of days spending as little time with her as possible until I can talk to my therapist. I continue doing her chores and taking care of her pets albeit not as comfortable with the arrangement as I was before.
I finally talk with my therapist. We script out what I want to say. I’m supposed to ask her for the money she owes me for the month. I’m supposed to explain that I am having trouble fulfilling my financial obligations because she is not fulfilling hers. I’m supposed to be kind but firm and not let her change the subject. I followed the script. She sends me some money but tells me she will not be paying me the rest until after the concert.
The money she refuses to give me is because of a spot cleaner we bought to clean my couch after her dog peed on it. She said that the spot cleaner wasn’t necessary and could have waited until after the concert so she will not be paying me back for it until then.
I say that if she cannot fulfill her financial obligation to me then maybe she shouldn’t go to the concert. She becomes frustrated saying that she will be going to the concert. She also says that she plans to break the lease before winter. That she doesn’t like the weather here. She was very upset. I have learned that She is impulsive and often does things without thinking so I think it possible that she leaves for the concert and decide not to come back. I inform the landlord of the situation. That she plans to break the lease at least before winter.
I also warn him she may break the lease sooner. I tell him she has not been taking care of her animals and that they have caused damage to the property. Peeing and pooping inside when I am not around to take care of them. The cat also has torn up the carpet and the blinds.
I sent the landlord pictures of the damage as well. He plans to call her in a few days. I do not know if he plans to break the lease and tell her to leave or something else entirely
I theb inform her that she will have to find someone else to watch the pets while she is on her trip or take them with her as I will be at work all day and will not be able to take care of them. She says that I am being petty and annoying. She thinks the dogs would be fine alone for 8 hours a day 5 times a week.
Either way I make it clear that I am not willing to watch the pets and that they are not my responsibility
Things have escalated since then. She left for work tonight leaving her dogs roaming. As they often poop and pee inside and chew on stuff I informed her I would be putting them in their kennels as I will not watch them and I don’t want them to mess stuff up.
I cleaned the kennels as they had poop in them and let them in there. She comes home from work during her shift to let the dogs out of the kennels. She storms around the house, slamming doors. She says that the dog beds in the kennels also had pee on them so they needed to be washed. An issue that would not be if she took her dogs outside often enough. She puts the dog bed in the washer, leaves the dogs roaming again and goes back to work
Before she leaves she says again that I am being petty. I text her to inform her that I will be putting the dogs in the kennels when the dog bed has been washed and dried. I also inform her that I am setting boundaries as my therapist suggested and I am simply asking for her to fulfill her obligations to me. This includes paying me back, doing her chores, and taking care of her pets.
She texts me back, with a lot of colorful language. Saying I am being childish and that we will no longer be friends when she leaves. She says that they are her dogs so I am not allowed to touch them and can I put them in their kennels and that they will be left to roam. I do not respond as I believe it would only make her more upset. I leave the pets to roam despite that they may chew on stuff and poop and pee everywhere.
I am scared of her. When she came home from work she was so angry. She is 6ft tall, big, and can pick up her 60lb dog and cradle him like a baby. I am afraid to do anything that will upset her more. I don't know if she would become violent or destructive but again she is impulsive.
This is all happening during the week of my birthday as well. I had planned a birthday party at the house but decided to change the location due to everything that has happened. I do not want to subject my party guests to my roommate at the moment.
All this to say I am under a lot of stress and am unsure of what to do. It has been suggested that I take her pets to a shelter, at least then they will be cared for, but to be honest I would be concerned for my safety.
She is furious because I put her kennel trained dogs in a kennel. I can’t imagine how angry she would be if I took the pets away from her
What do I do? How do I protect myself going forward?
Also, what do I do about her pets? Can I do anything?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
2024.05.18 08:01 SharkEva I (50 M) just learned my spouse (47 F) was unfaithful years ago in marriage. She came clean from guilt. Where do I go from here?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/SRBias posting in relationship_advice
Ongoing as per OOP
1 update - Long
Original - 10th May 2024
Update - 13th May 2024
I (50 M) just learned my spouse (47 F) was unfaithful years ago in marriage. She came clean from guilt. Where do I go from here?
This will be quite a lengthy read because I'm laying out everything to get honest opinions with all the context. There's a TLDR at the end for those who'd rather skip the backstory. I know that most people go incognito with a throwaway account for this kind of post. But I wanted this to be authentic, using my real account. I didn't want anyone to think this was disingenuous. If we know each other in real life or you find me on my other socials, let's keep our chats here or in PMs. I don't want anyone harassing anybody, and I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who has been spared this drama so far.
I tied the knot shortly after high school, and let's just say, if my marriage were a collegiate course, it would be "F*** Up - 101." It was a masterclass in what not to do, featuring every red flag in the book. I was fresh-faced and barely off on my life journey, thinking I'd hit the jackpot. I'd assumed I'd accomplished what my parents did, that being the poster couple for marital bliss. I was so naive, always giving the benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile, my then-wife, fresh from escaping her parental fortress of solitude, went bat s*** crazy, deciding that 'living life to the fullest' didn't include me in the picture.
Before I knew it, I was Mr. Mom with our toddler while she was trapped underneath a few individuals, making up for lost time. After finally catching her in the act, I filed for a divorce and braced for the impact. Divorcing in '97 in the heart of the bible belt was not favorable towards the husband back then. What followed was straight out of a horror movie. I paid my attorney five thousand dollars to watch her take everything from my guitars and video games. She even claimed keepsakes from a departed relative, and the judge seemed happy to grant her every wish. Not only did I bid farewell to everything I owned, but my time with my son got slashed to a mere Wednesday afternoon and alternating weekends.
My faith in women was broken. I went on a few dates here and there but mostly kept it to casual encounters and dinners. I never let anyone get too close. But, in early 1999, at a friend's birthday party, I met a woman whose marriage had crashed harder than mine. She'd had a stillbirth six months into her pregnancy, and her husband dared to bring his girlfriend to the funeral. She was heartbroken, to say the least, to learn about her husband's affair and the end of her marriage on the day they laid her daughter to rest. We sat on a couch that night, swapping tales of romantic ruin. She was clever, and to me, that is an instant connection. It's rare for me to find someone who makes me laugh instead of vice versa. As I headed home, I couldn't shake her from my thoughts, kicking myself for not asking for her number.
The next, my phone rang, and it was her! She'd gotten my phone number from someone we both knew and asked: "Would you like to get food sometime?" I said, "Now sounds great!" So, I drove to her grandmother's house, and off we went on what turned out to be what I still consider the perfect date. Now, I get it; we were both lonely and had our hearts broken, but trust me, this was no spark; it was an inferno. And believe it or not, we've been inseparable since that day. We have not spent a night apart. That was twenty-five years ago, with us marrying a year after our meeting. Go ahead and facepalm, I know how it sounds, but it's hard to put the connection between us into words. Even I'm still shaking my head in disbelief.
Our families adored the two of us together. I was certain I had found my soulmate, if you believe in that, and I was certain she felt the same. We enjoyed each other's company, and our lives meshed perfectly. As with life, however, it finds those moments of bliss to take a giant s*** on you. In 2006, I began feeling ill; eating resulted in violent illness, which I initially thought was a virus. But after a week with no improvement, it was clear this was something else. I was admitted to the local hospital and underwent numerous tests. When I was first admitted, I weighed 222 pounds at a height of 6'2". Within a year, I had dropped to 146 pounds, and my condition dumbfounded the doctors. My health was deteriorating rapidly. Throughout the ordeal, she never left my side, her hand in mine, begging me not to leave her.
In late 2007, a last-ditch effort sent me to the Cleveland Clinic, where a young doctor rushed me into surgery. When I awoke three hours later, she was there, hand in mine, with a smile. It was a success; I was cured. While I'll spare you the details, it involved my colon. Finally, I could eat and move without agony. My life resumed, and we were happy again. The following year, she received a lucrative job offer in her field, earning more than I did. That didn't bother me at all; she worked hard, and she'd earned it.
After her miscarriage, my wife was unable to conceive. We had been trying since 2000 and eventually came to terms with the fact that it might not happen. In 2010, we got a call from the state of Minnesota about a two-year-old girl who had been taken from her mother due to drug-related charges. They asked if we would consider adopting her because the mother had requested she be placed with family members before her parental rights were terminated. My wife and I drove for 30 hours to meet her, and after a few months, we adopted her and welcomed her into our home.
Our daughter faced social challenges and had endured abuse, leading the two of us to decide one of us needed to be at home with her. As mentioned, my wife earned significantly more, so it made sense for me to be the one to step into the role. I dedicated each day to supporting our daughter's mental health. While I played a part, I can't claim all the credit for this; her preschool, kindergarten, and therapist were instrumental in her learning to socialize and trust again. Eventually, I took up freelance journalism, so I was home when our little one finished her school day.
Our evenings were family time, and we took small trips on weekends. It was in 2017 that my wife returned from work one evening, deeply shaken by what she told me was a workplace argument. Despite my attempts to console her, she remained incorrigible. She was declaring her intent to find a new job. She'd never had any issues before, so I was stunned. For days, she was a mess and withdrawn. When I pressed for details, she'd say, "It would only upset you. Let me deal with it."
True to her word, she left for a new company within a week, accepting a 15 percent reduction in pay. I should have questioned it then, but she never gave me cause for concern. Once she began her new role, life returned to normal, and our family happily moved forward. In 2022, I published my first novel with an independent publisher, fulfilling a lifelong dream. I could sense the pride emanating from both my wife and daughter. I had achieved this milestone before my fiftieth birthday, and I couldn't wait to start on my second one.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, this is where my world breaks. In 2023, as I was finishing up my new novel, my twenty-seven-year-old son from my first marriage died suddenly of a heart attack. He had an underlying condition that none of us knew about. I want everyone to understand that when you say, "I couldn't imagine my child dying," you truly can't. There is no pain quite like it. My wife and daughter, who also felt his loss deeply, did their best to support me. But there is no way to deal with such a tragedy. In the months following his death, I immersed myself in my work, striving to complete my second book for him.
On the day I finished it in January, my father passed away after a long battle. Dad had been ill for a long time. You think you can prepare yourself for that, but that's a lie you tell yourself. The loss was hard, and my daughter was instrumental in getting me back on my feet. My second book was released in February, and I tried to smile as I had my release party. At the beginning of April, I started feeling better, writing outlines for my third novel and doing the same things I'd always done with my wife and daughter.
My wife and I have a Wednesday tradition where she picks a random recipe she finds online, and we cook it together. On April 3rd, while making crockpot chicken tacos, I thanked her for everything. She asked why, and I thanked her for everything she'd done to get me through the tough times. I shared a lot of pent-up emotions, telling her I couldn't have managed without her. She started crying, then weeping, and soon she was sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to comfort her with a hug, but she pushed me away. I apologized, not realizing my words would stir such a reaction.
Suddenly, she confesses her infidelity. I laughed, mistaking it for a joke. She grabs my shoulders and then details how, back in 2017, a 28-year-old at her former job started flirting with her, and she reciprocated. She believed it was innocent, yet it persisted. My wife has always feared growing old. Her birthdays were days she dreaded every year. She admitted that the attention from a younger man was exhilarating. She told me that turning 40 had sent her into a tailspin and that she couldn't talk to me about it because I would have just shrugged it off.
He invited her to leave work early and come to his place one day. She couldn't understand why she chose to; maybe it was the thrill. She said she didn't know, but she went and ended up sleeping with him. Afterward, she felt terrible, glaring at her keychain in his driveway because it had a photo of me holding our daughter. She drove home, and that's when she lied about having a workplace argument. She never wanted to return there. It's why she suddenly went somewhere else. She then told me she wanted to tell me but didn't have the fortitude to do it.
I remained silent, just wide-eyed and open-mouthed. She apologized, saying she couldn't live with it any longer. I just shook my head, unable to speak a single word. She offered to leave if that's what I wanted, to attend counseling, or even to beg for my forgiveness. Instead, I picked up my AirPods and phone and walked out. I wandered from six in the evening until almost eleven that night. When I returned, she was on the loveseat, asking if I was ready to talk. I shook my head again, went to my office, where I had a couch, and slept there.
The next day, after our daughter left for school, she asked if I had anything to say. I said yes. I questioned why she brought this up after the worst year of my life. Why couldn't she have kept it to herself until I could somewhat deal with something of this magnitude? She just looked away. I scoffed and told her to go to work and to try not to f*** anyone during her lunch break. That would have been April 4th; those were the last words I said to her until last night.
She had attempted to talk to me several times, but I would just walk past her into my office, trying to focus on my upcoming science fiction comedy book. Writing something funny is challenging when the thought of your spouse rolling around with another man stuck in her consumes your thoughts. A week ago, my daughter asked in the car if everything was okay, and I lied to her, which made me feel sick. Then, last night, my wife came to the office door and asked, "Are we getting a divorce?" I looked at her and replied, "Looks like it." She started crying and closed the door.
I haven't consulted an attorney, and the thought of divorce hadn't crossed my mind until she mentioned it. That's why I wrote this essay. Where do I go from here? How do I start to untangle this mess? I have no desire for therapy. I don't even want to step outside. I'm broken at this moment. The burden of everything has been overwhelming. There's been so much to bear this past year. What do you say to someone who has been by your side through it all, only to tear your heart apart?
Thank you for reading to the end. And for those who are part of the TLDR crowd, my wife decided to go home with a younger man, felt guilty about it, and quit her job. She waited eight years to tell me about it.
Comments
Foreign_Flight4566
Jesus, man. I’m sorry for your loss(es). Timing of your wife’s confession is mind-boggling. Realistically, this is above Reddit’s pay grade. I’ll recommend therapy, but probably above a therapist’s pay grade too. I know you also state you don’t want therapy, but that sounds like the exact time you need it. They can offer grief support, which is what you’ll need as you tease out emotions from losing loved ones and a very nasty betrayal. I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide.
cakivalue
Not couples counseling but individual therapy for you. You need the support right now after all you've been through and an unbiased third party to support you through the pain and demise of your marriage, next steps and co-parenting.
My unprofessional angle here is that this is most likely over. Had she come clean in 2017 you would have been able to make a choice regarding forgiveness, couples therapy etc. she held on to this secret for seven years and then dumped it on you at the worst time in order to ease her own guilty feelings. Especially knowing that you had both been hurt in this exact way in the past is especially jaw dropping that she did all of this.
Magnum_tv
Fuck man! This is...just fuck...
Firstly, I'm so sorry for your losses. I extend my sincere condolences.
You need grief counseling. This would help you put things in perspective. At least you'll be able to eventually make decisions based on logic than just pure emotion.
Secondly, your spouse. She not only betrayed you, she lied to you for eight years. EIGHT YEARS! That's fucking scary, because now you're gonna be wondering what else she can be hiding.
Now I'm an asshole, I'd be out of that marriage tomorrow. You however, have truly built a life with her. If, and I mean a big fucking IF, she's regretful, you should divorce, it would be less stress in your life having to be her warden. Because the trust is gone.
If, she's remorseful, you could try to work it out. But she needs to put in the work. Not you, HER. Because she's the one who fucked up.
Remember, regret and remorse are two completely different things.
I'd recommend you still talk to a lawyer before making a final decision. The more informed you are, the better choice you'll be able to make.
I'm truly sorry you're dealing with this, best of luck brother.
Update - 3 days later
UPDATE - After spending Saturday morning formulating and reading the staggering number of comments, I've made my decision. Some said my issue was far beyond the Reddit pay grade – they were mistaken. I deliberately avoided turning to family and friends, seeking a view from an outside perspective, and I think it worked. My gratitude goes out to all who sent private messages and responded; your thoughts on the matter helped me come to my conclusion.
On Saturday evening, I approached my wife to apologize for the silent treatment, I told her I wasn't attempting to punish her and acknowledged that it was childish. I told her if I would have opened my mouth, I would have been overly harsh and ruined any opportunity of a civil conversation. I promised we'd discuss it the next day.
On Sunday evening, I let it all out; I didn't cry, or raise my voice. I asked the man's name, which she provided. I asked her if the man was married when she betrayed us, and she confirmed he was. That hit me hard, because she knew he was also with someone. I asked if he was still married. She told me she had no clue, she hadn't seen him since the day she left for her new job. I told her I hoped they were, because I was going to make sure she knew. If my life had to be ripped apart, so would his. I thought that would get a rise out of her, it didn't. She just nodded.
I expressed my doubts about the affair being an isolated event, echoing the comments of several others. She maintained it was a one-off and was the sole reason she left her job. I explained that after eight years of this lie, it's natural for me to question anything she said. I then made it clear that if there's more to the story than what she's admitted, now is the time to be as open and honest as possible.
Any further revelations would be a deal-breaker for me, and there would be no excuse that could rectify it. She pleaded it was a singular occurrence and that she's been wanting to confess since it happened. I asked if he had reached out after her departure, she denied any contact. I responded that it didn't surprise me, assuming he got what he wanted and moved on to another person at work. It was the only cheap shot I threw.
I requested that she leave the house for a few weeks, I wasn't telling her it was over, but I wanted to be away from her. I suggested she could stay with her sister, her mother, or even rent a place—anywhere but here. I also informed her of my intention to discuss the situation with our daughter, who is 16 by the way, some people have commented believing her to be quite younger. To my surprise, my wife revealed she had already told her about a week ago, which I was completely unaware of. She inquired about the tone of the house, and my anger, and my wife confessed to her. Before my daughter went to bed, I asked her, and indeed, my wife had admitted that she had been unfaithful. I wanted to know why she hadn't come to me about it, and she told me she didn't want to make me feel worse.
I've decided to keep her home from school tomorrow to have a heart-to-heart about everything. It's important for me to understand her feelings and to emphasize that harboring hatred towards her mother isn't the goal. Her mother has always been loving and supportive. It's natural for her to feel angry, and that's okay, but picking sides isn't beneficial – nobody wins in this situation. It's a tough reality I'm coming to terms with, everyone loses. Tomorrow, I plan to contact three local therapists and reach out to the grief counselor I met after my son's death. I'm not interested in couple's therapy; I believe individual therapy is what I need, and since it's highly recommended, I'm going to pursue it.
My daughter's school year is ending soon, and I'm looking forward to spending quality time with her. I prefer to keep our plans private from family and friends; it's our personal matter. Someone advised me about controlling the narrative, but the only thing that matters now is that my daughter knows the truth. I need some time to come to terms if this relationship is salvageable. I need this time for self-reflection and to assess the situation. When she asked if we were going the route of legal separation, I clarified that it wasn't the case. I told her that when I look at her it brings up feelings of anger, which isn't healthy.
To my astonishment, she consented to everything. She doesn't want our relationship to end, and I reminded her that her actions with him forfeited that choice to me. She mentioned my wedding ring as a sign that she still matters to me, and I assured her that she does. I proposed we conclude things there. As I walked by, I touched her shoulder; she nodded in agreement. Later, she phoned her sister and made plans to stay with her the following evening after work.
TLDR. I want to express my gratitude to everyone for their support and guidance, except to the asshole that just wanted to pick a fight. I apologize for the length of my initial post; I believed the full context was necessary to help you understand why I'm so conflicted. To those who reached out privately and know my identity, your discretion is deeply appreciated. I'm looking forward to spending the next month with my daughter and starting therapy. Your messages are welcome, and I'll do my best to respond to each one. I'll provide another update in the future when I've made a decision about our next steps or if it's time to move on. I am not rushing into this decision lightly.
Comments
Bolt_McHardsteel
Clearly you have given this a lot of thought, and come up with a way forward that is best for you. Good luck in therapy, get yourself mentally right, there is no rush to make a final decision on your marriage. Take good care of your daughter! She seems like an amazing kid. Hang in there.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Ongoing as per OOP
1 update - Long
Original - 10th May 2024
Update - 13th May 2024
I (50 M) just learned my spouse (47 F) was unfaithful years ago in marriage. She came clean from guilt. Where do I go from here?
This will be quite a lengthy read because I'm laying out everything to get honest opinions with all the context. There's a TLDR at the end for those who'd rather skip the backstory. I know that most people go incognito with a throwaway account for this kind of post. But I wanted this to be authentic, using my real account. I didn't want anyone to think this was disingenuous. If we know each other in real life or you find me on my other socials, let's keep our chats here or in PMs. I don't want anyone harassing anybody, and I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who has been spared this drama so far.
I tied the knot shortly after high school, and let's just say, if my marriage were a collegiate course, it would be "F*** Up - 101." It was a masterclass in what not to do, featuring every red flag in the book. I was fresh-faced and barely off on my life journey, thinking I'd hit the jackpot. I'd assumed I'd accomplished what my parents did, that being the poster couple for marital bliss. I was so naive, always giving the benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile, my then-wife, fresh from escaping her parental fortress of solitude, went bat s*** crazy, deciding that 'living life to the fullest' didn't include me in the picture.
Before I knew it, I was Mr. Mom with our toddler while she was trapped underneath a few individuals, making up for lost time. After finally catching her in the act, I filed for a divorce and braced for the impact. Divorcing in '97 in the heart of the bible belt was not favorable towards the husband back then. What followed was straight out of a horror movie. I paid my attorney five thousand dollars to watch her take everything from my guitars and video games. She even claimed keepsakes from a departed relative, and the judge seemed happy to grant her every wish. Not only did I bid farewell to everything I owned, but my time with my son got slashed to a mere Wednesday afternoon and alternating weekends.
My faith in women was broken. I went on a few dates here and there but mostly kept it to casual encounters and dinners. I never let anyone get too close. But, in early 1999, at a friend's birthday party, I met a woman whose marriage had crashed harder than mine. She'd had a stillbirth six months into her pregnancy, and her husband dared to bring his girlfriend to the funeral. She was heartbroken, to say the least, to learn about her husband's affair and the end of her marriage on the day they laid her daughter to rest. We sat on a couch that night, swapping tales of romantic ruin. She was clever, and to me, that is an instant connection. It's rare for me to find someone who makes me laugh instead of vice versa. As I headed home, I couldn't shake her from my thoughts, kicking myself for not asking for her number.
The next, my phone rang, and it was her! She'd gotten my phone number from someone we both knew and asked: "Would you like to get food sometime?" I said, "Now sounds great!" So, I drove to her grandmother's house, and off we went on what turned out to be what I still consider the perfect date. Now, I get it; we were both lonely and had our hearts broken, but trust me, this was no spark; it was an inferno. And believe it or not, we've been inseparable since that day. We have not spent a night apart. That was twenty-five years ago, with us marrying a year after our meeting. Go ahead and facepalm, I know how it sounds, but it's hard to put the connection between us into words. Even I'm still shaking my head in disbelief.
Our families adored the two of us together. I was certain I had found my soulmate, if you believe in that, and I was certain she felt the same. We enjoyed each other's company, and our lives meshed perfectly. As with life, however, it finds those moments of bliss to take a giant s*** on you. In 2006, I began feeling ill; eating resulted in violent illness, which I initially thought was a virus. But after a week with no improvement, it was clear this was something else. I was admitted to the local hospital and underwent numerous tests. When I was first admitted, I weighed 222 pounds at a height of 6'2". Within a year, I had dropped to 146 pounds, and my condition dumbfounded the doctors. My health was deteriorating rapidly. Throughout the ordeal, she never left my side, her hand in mine, begging me not to leave her.
In late 2007, a last-ditch effort sent me to the Cleveland Clinic, where a young doctor rushed me into surgery. When I awoke three hours later, she was there, hand in mine, with a smile. It was a success; I was cured. While I'll spare you the details, it involved my colon. Finally, I could eat and move without agony. My life resumed, and we were happy again. The following year, she received a lucrative job offer in her field, earning more than I did. That didn't bother me at all; she worked hard, and she'd earned it.
After her miscarriage, my wife was unable to conceive. We had been trying since 2000 and eventually came to terms with the fact that it might not happen. In 2010, we got a call from the state of Minnesota about a two-year-old girl who had been taken from her mother due to drug-related charges. They asked if we would consider adopting her because the mother had requested she be placed with family members before her parental rights were terminated. My wife and I drove for 30 hours to meet her, and after a few months, we adopted her and welcomed her into our home.
Our daughter faced social challenges and had endured abuse, leading the two of us to decide one of us needed to be at home with her. As mentioned, my wife earned significantly more, so it made sense for me to be the one to step into the role. I dedicated each day to supporting our daughter's mental health. While I played a part, I can't claim all the credit for this; her preschool, kindergarten, and therapist were instrumental in her learning to socialize and trust again. Eventually, I took up freelance journalism, so I was home when our little one finished her school day.
Our evenings were family time, and we took small trips on weekends. It was in 2017 that my wife returned from work one evening, deeply shaken by what she told me was a workplace argument. Despite my attempts to console her, she remained incorrigible. She was declaring her intent to find a new job. She'd never had any issues before, so I was stunned. For days, she was a mess and withdrawn. When I pressed for details, she'd say, "It would only upset you. Let me deal with it."
True to her word, she left for a new company within a week, accepting a 15 percent reduction in pay. I should have questioned it then, but she never gave me cause for concern. Once she began her new role, life returned to normal, and our family happily moved forward. In 2022, I published my first novel with an independent publisher, fulfilling a lifelong dream. I could sense the pride emanating from both my wife and daughter. I had achieved this milestone before my fiftieth birthday, and I couldn't wait to start on my second one.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, this is where my world breaks. In 2023, as I was finishing up my new novel, my twenty-seven-year-old son from my first marriage died suddenly of a heart attack. He had an underlying condition that none of us knew about. I want everyone to understand that when you say, "I couldn't imagine my child dying," you truly can't. There is no pain quite like it. My wife and daughter, who also felt his loss deeply, did their best to support me. But there is no way to deal with such a tragedy. In the months following his death, I immersed myself in my work, striving to complete my second book for him.
On the day I finished it in January, my father passed away after a long battle. Dad had been ill for a long time. You think you can prepare yourself for that, but that's a lie you tell yourself. The loss was hard, and my daughter was instrumental in getting me back on my feet. My second book was released in February, and I tried to smile as I had my release party. At the beginning of April, I started feeling better, writing outlines for my third novel and doing the same things I'd always done with my wife and daughter.
My wife and I have a Wednesday tradition where she picks a random recipe she finds online, and we cook it together. On April 3rd, while making crockpot chicken tacos, I thanked her for everything. She asked why, and I thanked her for everything she'd done to get me through the tough times. I shared a lot of pent-up emotions, telling her I couldn't have managed without her. She started crying, then weeping, and soon she was sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to comfort her with a hug, but she pushed me away. I apologized, not realizing my words would stir such a reaction.
Suddenly, she confesses her infidelity. I laughed, mistaking it for a joke. She grabs my shoulders and then details how, back in 2017, a 28-year-old at her former job started flirting with her, and she reciprocated. She believed it was innocent, yet it persisted. My wife has always feared growing old. Her birthdays were days she dreaded every year. She admitted that the attention from a younger man was exhilarating. She told me that turning 40 had sent her into a tailspin and that she couldn't talk to me about it because I would have just shrugged it off.
He invited her to leave work early and come to his place one day. She couldn't understand why she chose to; maybe it was the thrill. She said she didn't know, but she went and ended up sleeping with him. Afterward, she felt terrible, glaring at her keychain in his driveway because it had a photo of me holding our daughter. She drove home, and that's when she lied about having a workplace argument. She never wanted to return there. It's why she suddenly went somewhere else. She then told me she wanted to tell me but didn't have the fortitude to do it.
I remained silent, just wide-eyed and open-mouthed. She apologized, saying she couldn't live with it any longer. I just shook my head, unable to speak a single word. She offered to leave if that's what I wanted, to attend counseling, or even to beg for my forgiveness. Instead, I picked up my AirPods and phone and walked out. I wandered from six in the evening until almost eleven that night. When I returned, she was on the loveseat, asking if I was ready to talk. I shook my head again, went to my office, where I had a couch, and slept there.
The next day, after our daughter left for school, she asked if I had anything to say. I said yes. I questioned why she brought this up after the worst year of my life. Why couldn't she have kept it to herself until I could somewhat deal with something of this magnitude? She just looked away. I scoffed and told her to go to work and to try not to f*** anyone during her lunch break. That would have been April 4th; those were the last words I said to her until last night.
She had attempted to talk to me several times, but I would just walk past her into my office, trying to focus on my upcoming science fiction comedy book. Writing something funny is challenging when the thought of your spouse rolling around with another man stuck in her consumes your thoughts. A week ago, my daughter asked in the car if everything was okay, and I lied to her, which made me feel sick. Then, last night, my wife came to the office door and asked, "Are we getting a divorce?" I looked at her and replied, "Looks like it." She started crying and closed the door.
I haven't consulted an attorney, and the thought of divorce hadn't crossed my mind until she mentioned it. That's why I wrote this essay. Where do I go from here? How do I start to untangle this mess? I have no desire for therapy. I don't even want to step outside. I'm broken at this moment. The burden of everything has been overwhelming. There's been so much to bear this past year. What do you say to someone who has been by your side through it all, only to tear your heart apart?
Thank you for reading to the end. And for those who are part of the TLDR crowd, my wife decided to go home with a younger man, felt guilty about it, and quit her job. She waited eight years to tell me about it.
Comments
Foreign_Flight4566
Jesus, man. I’m sorry for your loss(es). Timing of your wife’s confession is mind-boggling. Realistically, this is above Reddit’s pay grade. I’ll recommend therapy, but probably above a therapist’s pay grade too. I know you also state you don’t want therapy, but that sounds like the exact time you need it. They can offer grief support, which is what you’ll need as you tease out emotions from losing loved ones and a very nasty betrayal. I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide.
OOP: I contemplated several different subs and I have no idea why I chose this one. I should have clarified above that after my son died, local hospice house around here has grief counseling, which I used extensively. I don't want to do couple's counseling is what I should have said. My apologies. I posted this to try and get outside perspectives from people, and maybe give me a different angle to look at this.
cakivalue
Not couples counseling but individual therapy for you. You need the support right now after all you've been through and an unbiased third party to support you through the pain and demise of your marriage, next steps and co-parenting.
My unprofessional angle here is that this is most likely over. Had she come clean in 2017 you would have been able to make a choice regarding forgiveness, couples therapy etc. she held on to this secret for seven years and then dumped it on you at the worst time in order to ease her own guilty feelings. Especially knowing that you had both been hurt in this exact way in the past is especially jaw dropping that she did all of this.
Magnum_tv
Fuck man! This is...just fuck...
Firstly, I'm so sorry for your losses. I extend my sincere condolences.
You need grief counseling. This would help you put things in perspective. At least you'll be able to eventually make decisions based on logic than just pure emotion.
Secondly, your spouse. She not only betrayed you, she lied to you for eight years. EIGHT YEARS! That's fucking scary, because now you're gonna be wondering what else she can be hiding.
Now I'm an asshole, I'd be out of that marriage tomorrow. You however, have truly built a life with her. If, and I mean a big fucking IF, she's regretful, you should divorce, it would be less stress in your life having to be her warden. Because the trust is gone.
If, she's remorseful, you could try to work it out. But she needs to put in the work. Not you, HER. Because she's the one who fucked up.
Remember, regret and remorse are two completely different things.
I'd recommend you still talk to a lawyer before making a final decision. The more informed you are, the better choice you'll be able to make.
I'm truly sorry you're dealing with this, best of luck brother.
OOP: Thank you so much. This is another thing in the back of my mind what else has she been dishonest about?
Update - 3 days later
UPDATE - After spending Saturday morning formulating and reading the staggering number of comments, I've made my decision. Some said my issue was far beyond the Reddit pay grade – they were mistaken. I deliberately avoided turning to family and friends, seeking a view from an outside perspective, and I think it worked. My gratitude goes out to all who sent private messages and responded; your thoughts on the matter helped me come to my conclusion.
On Saturday evening, I approached my wife to apologize for the silent treatment, I told her I wasn't attempting to punish her and acknowledged that it was childish. I told her if I would have opened my mouth, I would have been overly harsh and ruined any opportunity of a civil conversation. I promised we'd discuss it the next day.
On Sunday evening, I let it all out; I didn't cry, or raise my voice. I asked the man's name, which she provided. I asked her if the man was married when she betrayed us, and she confirmed he was. That hit me hard, because she knew he was also with someone. I asked if he was still married. She told me she had no clue, she hadn't seen him since the day she left for her new job. I told her I hoped they were, because I was going to make sure she knew. If my life had to be ripped apart, so would his. I thought that would get a rise out of her, it didn't. She just nodded.
I expressed my doubts about the affair being an isolated event, echoing the comments of several others. She maintained it was a one-off and was the sole reason she left her job. I explained that after eight years of this lie, it's natural for me to question anything she said. I then made it clear that if there's more to the story than what she's admitted, now is the time to be as open and honest as possible.
Any further revelations would be a deal-breaker for me, and there would be no excuse that could rectify it. She pleaded it was a singular occurrence and that she's been wanting to confess since it happened. I asked if he had reached out after her departure, she denied any contact. I responded that it didn't surprise me, assuming he got what he wanted and moved on to another person at work. It was the only cheap shot I threw.
I requested that she leave the house for a few weeks, I wasn't telling her it was over, but I wanted to be away from her. I suggested she could stay with her sister, her mother, or even rent a place—anywhere but here. I also informed her of my intention to discuss the situation with our daughter, who is 16 by the way, some people have commented believing her to be quite younger. To my surprise, my wife revealed she had already told her about a week ago, which I was completely unaware of. She inquired about the tone of the house, and my anger, and my wife confessed to her. Before my daughter went to bed, I asked her, and indeed, my wife had admitted that she had been unfaithful. I wanted to know why she hadn't come to me about it, and she told me she didn't want to make me feel worse.
I've decided to keep her home from school tomorrow to have a heart-to-heart about everything. It's important for me to understand her feelings and to emphasize that harboring hatred towards her mother isn't the goal. Her mother has always been loving and supportive. It's natural for her to feel angry, and that's okay, but picking sides isn't beneficial – nobody wins in this situation. It's a tough reality I'm coming to terms with, everyone loses. Tomorrow, I plan to contact three local therapists and reach out to the grief counselor I met after my son's death. I'm not interested in couple's therapy; I believe individual therapy is what I need, and since it's highly recommended, I'm going to pursue it.
My daughter's school year is ending soon, and I'm looking forward to spending quality time with her. I prefer to keep our plans private from family and friends; it's our personal matter. Someone advised me about controlling the narrative, but the only thing that matters now is that my daughter knows the truth. I need some time to come to terms if this relationship is salvageable. I need this time for self-reflection and to assess the situation. When she asked if we were going the route of legal separation, I clarified that it wasn't the case. I told her that when I look at her it brings up feelings of anger, which isn't healthy.
To my astonishment, she consented to everything. She doesn't want our relationship to end, and I reminded her that her actions with him forfeited that choice to me. She mentioned my wedding ring as a sign that she still matters to me, and I assured her that she does. I proposed we conclude things there. As I walked by, I touched her shoulder; she nodded in agreement. Later, she phoned her sister and made plans to stay with her the following evening after work.
TLDR. I want to express my gratitude to everyone for their support and guidance, except to the asshole that just wanted to pick a fight. I apologize for the length of my initial post; I believed the full context was necessary to help you understand why I'm so conflicted. To those who reached out privately and know my identity, your discretion is deeply appreciated. I'm looking forward to spending the next month with my daughter and starting therapy. Your messages are welcome, and I'll do my best to respond to each one. I'll provide another update in the future when I've made a decision about our next steps or if it's time to move on. I am not rushing into this decision lightly.
Comments
Bolt_McHardsteel
Clearly you have given this a lot of thought, and come up with a way forward that is best for you. Good luck in therapy, get yourself mentally right, there is no rush to make a final decision on your marriage. Take good care of your daughter! She seems like an amazing kid. Hang in there.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.18 07:39 chickenfajitas69 25M 30F
I fear to communicate with my partner so I don’t say the wrong thing to upset him every single day. But how am I supposed to get out?
I’ve been with (what I’m certain to be) a narcissist. While he has a very loving way to him at times like leaving love notes on occasion, he is also all about himself almost 99% of the time.
A little backstory: Our three-year-old daughter and him are completely reliant on myself as the bread winner. I work six out of seven days every other week on a rotation for my job as a Healthcare worker. Our daughter goes to preschool. I get her up in the mornings, dressed, fed, and dropped off at school before I start my work shift. My fiancé doesn’t have a driver’s license as he lost it when he was much younger due to a DUI.
A short history of our relationship before our daughter was born, he was love-bombing at the very beginning, of course. However, it did not take long to show his jealous, controlling, and delusional side. I’ve been physically assaulted on more than one occasion from his inappropriate behaviour while intoxicated. However, his last time drinking was about four months ago.
This is where the fear kicks in - closer to his birthday (July) and Christmas. Although he hasn’t put hands on me in a few years, why do I have the fear still? I’ve explained to him several times I’m still scared and that I can’t let go of the trauma it’s caused me.
He has an opioid addiction with T4 that he often snorts to alleviate his “anxiety”. I’ve expressed to him several times that I’m not OK with this. The communication has been put out there. However, my opinions and feelings are not actually acknowledged. So because of this, I stopped expressing how I feel so I don’t cause any fights.
In no means am I looking for pity. I just want advice. I have no one to talk to. No friends, no family. I’ve used my local women’s shelter numerous times and feel more anxious with every time I try to plan my ‘escape’. Only to return back to the same cycle with him. He doesn’t work and so he’s always home. I don’t want to kick him out or break up with him in person as I’m afraid of him coming back intoxicated. While I do not have to let him in, he has broken windows in the past to get into my home.
I’m at my wits end. I just want to pack my belongings up and leave with my daughter. But I have no idea how to do so. He is not currently set up on the lease agreement to our house. It’s only myself. He refuses to be put on the lease for whatever reason. I know I can just have the police tell him to leave in that case. However, I would like a less intrusive way so that he doesn’t get angered to return with bad intentions.
I want to reach out to the women’s shelter again. But I’m embarrassed to do so and I don’t want my home vandalized. I just want to be done for good. I understand his lack of trust in people as he was in foster care as a child and often was abused and lied to often. However, I sometimes feel not trusted and respected because of the hurt that was caused to him.
My question is: What would be the best way out? I’m beginning to realize that I can’t help him with his trauma and that he will always continue to take it out on me by making small hurtful comments. If I dare tell him it hurts my feelings, I’m being sensitive and I must be having a really bad day.
submitted by chickenfajitas69 to NarcissisticSpouses [link] [comments]
I’ve been with (what I’m certain to be) a narcissist. While he has a very loving way to him at times like leaving love notes on occasion, he is also all about himself almost 99% of the time.
A little backstory: Our three-year-old daughter and him are completely reliant on myself as the bread winner. I work six out of seven days every other week on a rotation for my job as a Healthcare worker. Our daughter goes to preschool. I get her up in the mornings, dressed, fed, and dropped off at school before I start my work shift. My fiancé doesn’t have a driver’s license as he lost it when he was much younger due to a DUI.
A short history of our relationship before our daughter was born, he was love-bombing at the very beginning, of course. However, it did not take long to show his jealous, controlling, and delusional side. I’ve been physically assaulted on more than one occasion from his inappropriate behaviour while intoxicated. However, his last time drinking was about four months ago.
This is where the fear kicks in - closer to his birthday (July) and Christmas. Although he hasn’t put hands on me in a few years, why do I have the fear still? I’ve explained to him several times I’m still scared and that I can’t let go of the trauma it’s caused me.
He has an opioid addiction with T4 that he often snorts to alleviate his “anxiety”. I’ve expressed to him several times that I’m not OK with this. The communication has been put out there. However, my opinions and feelings are not actually acknowledged. So because of this, I stopped expressing how I feel so I don’t cause any fights.
In no means am I looking for pity. I just want advice. I have no one to talk to. No friends, no family. I’ve used my local women’s shelter numerous times and feel more anxious with every time I try to plan my ‘escape’. Only to return back to the same cycle with him. He doesn’t work and so he’s always home. I don’t want to kick him out or break up with him in person as I’m afraid of him coming back intoxicated. While I do not have to let him in, he has broken windows in the past to get into my home.
I’m at my wits end. I just want to pack my belongings up and leave with my daughter. But I have no idea how to do so. He is not currently set up on the lease agreement to our house. It’s only myself. He refuses to be put on the lease for whatever reason. I know I can just have the police tell him to leave in that case. However, I would like a less intrusive way so that he doesn’t get angered to return with bad intentions.
I want to reach out to the women’s shelter again. But I’m embarrassed to do so and I don’t want my home vandalized. I just want to be done for good. I understand his lack of trust in people as he was in foster care as a child and often was abused and lied to often. However, I sometimes feel not trusted and respected because of the hurt that was caused to him.
My question is: What would be the best way out? I’m beginning to realize that I can’t help him with his trauma and that he will always continue to take it out on me by making small hurtful comments. If I dare tell him it hurts my feelings, I’m being sensitive and I must be having a really bad day.
2024.05.18 07:29 sweetlibertea No one in the family likes my brother's fiancee due to her own actions, and I'm not really sure how much longer I can retain my sanity and play nice. I really miss my brother, but at this point I'm almost considering him a lost cause.
I (27F) have an older brother, 33M. We didn't get along very much as kids due to the age gap, not for my lack of trying. I never really understood why my brother didn't really like spending time with me, because he was one of my favorite people in the world, despite all his bullying.
For context, I'll give some examples of what my brother has done to me over the years with some vague age ranges of when they occurred.
When I was about 3, my brother convinced me that red was orange and orange was red because I was learning my colors in preschool. He also used to steal food like tater tots off my little high chair tray and would pretend he didn't do anything when my mom checked on why I was crying (I was NOT a fussy baby/toddler, so it set off alarm bells when I did.)
I think when I was 4 or 5, my brother came into my room after I had already been put to bed, and he woke me up. Thing is, he was hovering over me with a scary mask on, only the hallway light, and a butterknife. Not sure I really have to explain why that was traumatic. I'm still afraid of masks to this day.
When I was around 10-12, my brother kept drinking all the milk or kool aid that I would make and never replenish/remake it. I told him to stop, he wouldn't, of course. My mom was fostering other children and didn't have time for squabbles like this. So I very visibly spit on top of the kool aid pitcher and left the lid off so it was seen. What does my (reminder, 17-19) brother do? He wrenches the bowl of cereal I'm currently eating out of my hands, spits in it, and shoves it back at me hard enough that it spilled all over me. Now, I'm not an angry person. I'm not a violent person. But I was still a child and fed up with being bullied by someone who was/almost an adult. I never tried getting physical before because I was so much smaller, but I hit puberty kind of early. So I splashed the bowl back at him to see how he liked it. He threw me to the ground and hit me. My mom had to break us up and told us we were both to blame, so he didn't even get punished.
Several times, he would turn the lights off on me when I was on the other side of the room in the basement away from the switch, because I was afraid of the dark for a very long time.
We had Sonic Adventure 2 we shared. If we ever fought about something, or I reminded him it was my turn, he threatened to say goodbye forever to my chao. I am extremely soft hearted so that accomplished what he wanted.
Sometimes I would notice my things go missing. I had assumed maybe my mom put them away somewhere and forgot, but I'm pretty sure I know what happened to them. Especially gamecube games-- Those discs were tiny! He was pawning them for drug and booze money. One time he was drunk and admitted he had been selling his adderall for other drugs. That came to a head one terrible Christmas Eve. Brother was home for the holiday and I'm not very clear on what events led up to it, but my parents caught my brother in the bathroom with a baggie of various drugs that he was already doing. He insisted it was just weed, but my parents didn't believe that. I wouldn't know, I only briefly saw the bag, but it was full of both a large green ball of like leaves and lots of white powder. It was a vicious screaming match for a few hours. I hid out in my room on a different floor and played a video game as loud as I could so I didn't have to hear my family. The screams died down after a while, and I cautiously went out of my room. My brother had left the house for a while. I had a few holiday assignments and decided to just crank them out while my family cooled off, and I did it at the dining room table because that's where our Christmas tree was too and I desperately needed that good cheer magic. I was quietly writing, not saying anything, not making much noise, when my brother came back in the house. He stopped off at the kitchen for something and muttered something rude and belittling to me. At this point I'm a preeten-early teen and he had already ruined the day that had always been magical to me before, as my grandma used to stay over with us on Christmas Eve. She had died rather recently at the time. And I can't tell you exactly what I said. I think I've blocked out as much as I can. I made some snide remark, something like 'at least I don't do drugs' and in the next second I was yanked out of my chair. My brother picked me up by the neck and slammed me against the wall. I know I clawed and kicked against the wall as hard as I could. I blacked out, and I woke up on the floor with my parents absolutely screaming at him that he could have killed me. As a side note to the whole ordeal, he never apologized, and it's made my adult life a lot harder as weed becomes more and more commonplace. Just the thought of it used to send me in a panic attack, I could feel the hands choking me again. I've gotten better about dealing with it, but I still refuse to have it in any part of my life whatsoever. It's cost me a few relationships.
When I was in college, my brother had moved back in with me and my parents because his girlfriend dumped him for being a piece of shit that worked at walmart and did nothing but drink all day despite having a state paid scholarship, that he wasted, because he couldn't keep his GPA above 2.8. He was a music major. The classes he took were things like 'History of Jimi Hendrix' and 'The Beatles'. He just partied too much to even attend class. He took the dog they got with him, not at all prepared for her. The dog is a high energy breed that is difficult to train, and we had two small 5-10 pound dogs at home. At 1 year old, bro's dog was about 30 pounds. He often left for several hours during summers/breaks when I was home, without telling anyone, knowing that I would either hear the dog cry if he crated them and feel bad and let them out or that I wouldn't banish them to a crate if they were already in a room with me. The dog bullied our other dogs and bit at everyone. Dog was incredibly overly protective of my brother-- Trait of the breed. I was back at college for a few months and had spent a good month mourning the loss of a 5 year relationship. I never really heard anything from him. Then out of the blue, my brother asks me if I can let him and dog stay for the night (we live 2 hours from the college) because my mom had kicked him out. The dog had bit her and she snapped at my brother to control his f'ing dog and he responded by calling her, the woman who birthed him, payed for his other college costs, paid back loans he promised to pay to other family members, never charged him rent, and he called her a f'ing female dog. She snapped. While I agree that my mom was completely in the right to do that, I have too soft of a heart to just leave him with nowhere to go. He promised it was just a night so he could get in touch with some friends closer to home and figure shit out. I let him come to me.
I really regret that decision.
At the time I had a new roommate (she was very nice though, I liked her) and a sort of FWB who doted on me for a little while. I texted FWB and asked if he could bring some alcohol by-- I was still 19 at the time, underage to buy it, but FWB was old enough and agreed the man could probably do with a drink. We stayed out on our little porch area to make sure that we wouldn't be disturbing my roomie in any way while we socialized. My brother got really wasted. He told me terrible things about our deceased grandmother (who he knew I had really loved growing up, and had no idea about who she really was because she had always loved me). And he laughed. He laughed when he saw the discomfort on my face. My FWB was feeling pretty bad for me and suggested we go to bed because it was also like 3 in the morning and both of us had class in the morning, so we go inside. The apartment has a shared common room/living room, little kitchen area, and laundry closet. My bedroom is on one side and roomie's was on the other-- Both bathrooms are also ensuite to the bedroom. So I went in and changed out of my clothes into something comfier to sleep in and crawled into my bed, letting my brother do his own thing in the bathroom. I'm just trying to rest and suddenly my brother is pulling me out of my bed and dragging me out of my own room. He's yelling that he's taking my bed, did I really expect him to take the couch? And I'm not very confrontational. I'm flustered, tired, and honestly a little afraid after the neck choke incident. FWB steps in like a hero and tries to calmly explain that its my bed, and I will sleep in it, I have been kind enough to let him stay and he should not be so ungrateful. Brother fucking loses his mind. Starts screaming his head off about how selfish I am and how reliant I am on our parents and won't be able to do anything on my own as an adult (I was financially dependent on my parents at 19 while in college, shocker). He starts drunkenly trying to pick up his dog's toys and searching for his keys, and both FWB and I step in and tell him he can't go driving like this, after like half a bottle of fireball. He at least needs to sober up before he can drive. I stand in front of the front door, as my brother is still searching for his keys, and there is no way I'm letting him out of here right now. Brother has found his keys, and starts pulling at me and hurting me. Lucky for me, FWB had been a pretty good wrestler in highschool. He got my brother pinned down and I snatched the keys, hiding over by the sink in case I had to throw them in there. He's screaming his head off and my poor roommate comes out and asks what the hell is going on because she knows I'm very quiet and tend to keep visitors in my room. I'm like half sobbing trying to explain and the FWB, still pinning my brother, tells her that we're trying to keep him from drunk driving. My roommate does not play around with that. She was in nursing school, and had recently lost a friend to a drunk driver. I don't know how it worked, but she put on her stern nurse tone and told my brother that he was free to leave when he sobered up, or she herself would be calling the cops on him, and both me and FWB could press additional charges for assault. He reluctantly agreed to this condition and FWB let him off the floor, but sat in front of the front door just in case. When he was sobered up, he left, saying 'I hope you like mom and dad, because I'm not your family anymore'.
And that was devastating. I couldn't stop crying. My FWB went back to bed with me and laid me down in bed and let me cry until I passed out. He skipped his class that day to be there for me. I know I don't paint a good picture of my brother, but I did/do love him. I thought now that we were older that he'd mellowed out and we could be good friends like I always wanted. I mean, I made like 300 fake facebook accounts back in the day to vote for his band to be a headliner at a large concert. Just a few years prior when he was home on a break he introduced me to a TV show we binged and he let my lay on his shoulder. (I was/am very touch starved but paralyzed by fear that I'm annoying the other person, and all my friends were made later in life and are states away). When Pokemon Go came out we would take late night drives around quiet places of town while hunting pokemon together. We traded off the controller on online battlefield games and compared scores and the most ridiculous deaths. I really thought that he loved me too, finally, after years of resentment.
He didn't speak to me for 2 years. I didn't find out until later, but my parents lied for him on my behalf that he still loved me and was just annoyed, and gave me birthday/christmas presents that they told me had been from him, just that he was working. I really treasured those objects when I didn't know the truth about them. I got a really stupid mug with the first letter of my name on it in pink and zebra print (two things I don't really enjoy) but I used that thing every single day.
So, these are glimpses into my previous relationship with my brother. I don't really remember when he started speaking to me again, but I sure know he never apologized. He had finally hit rock bottom and asked my father to put in a good word for him at (insert facility with decent pay and good benefits but hard work), which he had previously rejected by telling my parents that it was a shit job. My brother's name got put closer to the top of the resumes. He got in. It wasn't easy work, or comfy sometimes, but it paid well enough to endure that, I guess. My brother used to be rather athletic.
Between the cut off point and then, my brother had worked at a (also generic job) a town or two over and hated the commute. He also happened to find a girlfriend with an apartment sort of close by. She didn't like having him over because of his dog, and almost never let him do any overnight. But now that my brother had a better paying job, she was willing to move in with him, of course. My brother bought a house in our home town and she came with it. She pays a ridiculously low amount of rent to my brother.
If she was home and brother wasn't, the dog stayed crated up because she didn't want to deal with it. Both of them worked, but her job isn't at all difficult. And yet somehow, sometimes pulling doubles, my brother ended up doing most of everything. My brother, who didn't learn to do his laundry until his 20s, ate pizza every single day, and had left used condoms on the floor of his bedroom in our parents house when he left. He did most of the cooking because she says she's bad at it. But will make pies for her mom. When the holidays came around, instead of discussing or rotating, they will always go to her family first. If my brother can come to ours at all. He often misses entire occassions (we don't go out big, but like, cmon. Hand your dad the gift card on his birthday at least, not 2 weeks later).
I also used to get to hangout or see my brother sometimes. Maybe once every few weeks, and it was fun! It was the friendship I had always dreamt of. Now I can't even get him to do anything online with me from the comfort of his own home. I don't have a single text from him this year past 1/27.
At first, we all understood. She was quirky. I was quirky. We share several similar traits and interests. I used to like that and be excited to have a family member like me, but now I dread the day she becomes family.
Let's start with the smoking car. Me and my parents were driving near his street so we could cut through to the highway, and out of nowhere, black smoke starts coming from the hood. My father tells me and my mom to get out and he'll get it to my brother's and out of the road to look at it and see what was going on. This was like.... early August. It was very hot outside. Since I've 'been in the house before' and 'know what it's like' I am 'allowed' to come into my brother's house to cool off. But GF refuses letting in either of them, referring to the messy state of the house. Which, okay, fair-- But its HER messes. My brother cleans up after her. I learned later that GF snapped at him about his family always coming over unannounced and how she has to hurry to put on a bra and everything is messy and we can't just drop in its rude! She says, as her mother and brother do the exact same thing, in a house she doesn't own. But my family let it be water under the bridge for now. My brother called me a f'in a'hole for telling my mom about the conversation. Because my mom was livid.
The next thing is my father. My dad's family has a pretty big history of strokes and heart attacks, and he's had one heart attack. My dad had been in pain all day and he finally gave up at about 3AM and woke my mom up to drive him to the hospital. I don't have a license at this point, so there's little that I can do. My mom says the surgery he probably needs isn't even done here and they're transferring him, my mom asked me to keep my brother in the loop. So I told him about this and about the time they would reach the hospital, because my mom dad gran and I share locations. I asked if he would take me up, I had a bag full of things that might make him more comfortable or less stressed. The hospital they're taking our dad to is a little over an hour away. Everyone is more or less frantic. My brother is talking to work for him, I'm making sure that for however many hours that our pets will be okay and talking to my mom's work. We drive there and nothing major happens, but it was so... Uncomfortable? Tense. The thing that's hurting my dad is a blocked or enlarged blood vessel that cuts off oxygen to the tissue around it, which, cells die, and you really need your colon, the area my dad has an issue with. The thing is, until they can do the surgery, it was like he was a ticking time bomb. My brother takes me home when visitor hours are over and I hold my dogs tight. The next day is filled with lots of pricks pokes and prods at my dad so we don't go that day. We do go the day after, Friday. My brother's GF is in the truck with him. I'm not really paying attention to much of anything because for all we know my dad could die before we got there. Brothers' GF goes to get some snacks from the long drive and the fact that she's not exactly family yet. My brother, mom and I rotate who is away in the cafe and eating with GF. I see GF and my brother whispering angrily at each other. She's tugging at his arm. I manage to pick up 'We're going to miss my mom's dinner!" And I am just stunned. Her mother has a small family dinner every single friday and makes meatloaf. His GF wanted us to head back from our critical father, because she didn't want to miss a weekly event. And I really have to hand it to my brother for not snapping right then and there. He waited until we were in his truck and out of the hospital parking lot and says "How in the f'ck do you say something to me like that? Like, for real, wtf!" GF starts crying and says its a family tradition and her mom is all she has left-- False. She has her mom, sister, and brother, at least. Her father died in a car incident that hospitalized her as a kid. So my brother snaps again like 'are you seriously telling me you value a f'ing loaf of meat over a life? we have no idea what will happen, my dad could die within the hour and i'm not there, he could die tomorrow, how long d-" And GF cuts him off wailing that her dad is dead. Which, yes, is a horrifyingly traumatic experience. But she does not get to play the 'my dad is dead' card ten years after the fact, to justify leaving our possibly dying father before visiting hours ended. She tried to emotionally blackmail my brother by apologizing to me through tears that this must be so hard for me but honestly I was doing my best to block it out, staring at pictures of dogs in hammocks. I shared my brother's sentiment.
But wait, there's more! Remember that car accident GF had years ago? You would think that, if nothing else, she would be empathetic for someone/their family in a car crash? You'd be wrong! I was rear ended at 60 mph right in front of my house after coming home from work (the ambulance took me straight back to work lmao). The physical damage to me was pretty minimal, bruises and a sprained ankle because my foot was pressed on the brake, waiting for an opportunity to cross into the driveway. This was late October 2020. Covid regulations were pretty strict. So I was alone in a room for a while and in pain. My parents had followed the ambulance. My dad had actually heard the crash and went 'huh she usually comes home now' and runs over after seeing the wreckage. My parents had the crash footage, grainy, but there thanks to the cameras set up outside our house. I hadn't realized it by that point but I had a pretty good concussion, and I was hurt, and scared. I was texting my mom constantly but my dad had left his phone at home in the rush to get my mom and she hadn't charged her phone, they'd been in the parking lot for like an hour and a half already. They promised me they'd be back soon, they'll just pop in and let my brother know since he lives nearby. My parents didn't even ask to like, stay and sit with them instead of a cold car. My mom asked to pee and to borrow a charging cable (they had one, GF has the same model phone) given the, you know, situation. My brother barely cracked the door to speak with them. He said no, because GF was uncomfortable, because they were waiting for their second negative test to come in. Read that again. They had tested negative. It's not like my mom would go near anyone to the bathroom either-- The back door that's used more often is literally inches away from the bathroom door. My brother didn't even try to argue with his GF about his own home and some empathy for someone else dealing with a car crash. It absolutely disgusted my parents. And later on brother told me he got another earful about our parents just dropping in without notice and its like? Excuse me? Its his house!
Unfortunately, a tire popped on my parents' car when we were nearby. It was like, 3 years since the first issue with the car. I went inside and asked my brother to let my mom in because its raining. GF did not like that, and didn't realize I could overhear her down the hall, arguing with my brother and his family again. I went over the next day to my brother and he was actively cleaning up GF's mess so it wouldn't be as 'embarassing' for her. I sat him down and talked to him as realistically as I could. I have depression, anxiety, emotional abuse trauma, agorophobia, and very few friends. But I'm okay. He started very quietly expressing his frustration towards GF. She doesn't do much around the house or contribute financially, lets her family over but not his, him doing most of the cooking despite regularly pulling 12s. I sat there calmly, because of course I knew this. This is what makes the situation somewhat even more sticky. I asked my brother, "Do you actually love someone like that? Or are you afraid to be alone?" He's been in one relationship or another for most of my life. Lately he had been confiding in me about how bad his mental health was falling and I was like 'that's not a slump, that's. that's depression.' So when I asked my brother the question, he hesitated. That spoke loudly enough in my opinion. But then I also saw my brother's face crumpling as he admitted he just didn't want to be alone. GF wants babies but my brother knows with her medical history and condition on top of being so lazy and bluntly told me she would not be a good mother and hopes to God that day doesn't come. He is so unhappy being with her. We both heard the rustling of a comforter and my brother lowered his panicky voice and asked me to leave so she doesn't see me here. That is incredibly messed up, especially since its his name on the house. I haven't seen my brother at his house since then, and that was over 2 years ago.
During COVID, GF started working from home, and it stayed that way. My brother still takes care of most things.
In the mean time, he's proposed to her. Yeah. I managed to save things when all our faces dropped at the Christmas dinner he announced their engagement at. My brother calls her by a nickname that was also the name of a beloved family dog that had passed away only one month ago. My dad and my reactions at that time were genuine confusion and sadness about him bringing up our passed pet. Everything was pretty quiet after that. When we got home, I texted my brother and told him that hearing our dog's name in conversation after losing her so recently shattered us, be we were, in fact, happy for his engagement.
I lied.
None of us want him to marry her. I dread the day that I get a wedding invitation or GF shows up pregnant. She would be a terrible mother. My brother is aware of the fact that my parents think she's a rude, inconsiderate brat that only thinks of herself, from that earlier conversation that I talked to my parents about. My mom snapped that they don't have to like her, all they were required to do was be civil, and we are, so shut up.
At larger family functions GF tends to gravitate around me. Like I said, we have similar interests and personalities. And I have never told her to get lost or had it in me to upfront tell her we don't like her. I am absolutely horrible at confrontation, but my patience is wearing thin.
Last year my parents set up brunch for Mother's Day. We were at the table when my brother called and said they were going to urgent care because GF had another one of her migraines that make her vomit. Which, she takes medicine and has injectable solutions. Some situation always comes up with her right before my brother would come to us.
My parents tried again with the Mother's Day brunch last week. On the day of, he said that he was too tired to come, can we try next week? Please insert the eyeroll of the century.
Because of our clear dislike, my brother doesn't often bring his GF around anymore on the offchance she lets him. It occurred to me that my parents planned the same brunch as last year, and I was dreading my question. "Is GF coming with us for brunch?" They don't know. All my brother did was confirm the time and place. The thought of having to deal with her in the morning and pretend that I don't see her for what she is, is already exhausting me. I can barely get my brother to even play online with me. I feel like this has been festering long enough that at some point, its all going to overflow at once. But I am absolutely disgusted by how she takes advantage of my brother's fear of being alone and how the world revolves around her.
I had a dream the other day, actually, it was a good dream. I was at their wedding, and the priest guy said the standard 'speak now or hold your peace' and I stood up and loudly shouted OBJECTION! Every single person in the room turned to look at me, one because I don't raise my voice like that, two my patience is vast, and three, to upset me to this level of shouldering my anxiety by making a spectacle of myself. I then explained every detail, especially how much she was charged for rent, that my brother admitted he wasn't happy, and I wanted better for him than to just be an ATM maid.
If I bring this up to my brother again, I may lose him forever. But if I don't, he may be miserable together. And on the third side-- Do I actually really want my brothers' friendship at this point? Like, I'm definitely fed up dealing with his GF like she is. Plus, I pointed out and reiterated to him before that he admitted he wasn't happy.
I am very, very quiet by default. Never got into much trouble. I was and still am a gentle soul at my core being. If things get to a point where I cross lines of polite manners and call someone out on their bs, people around know that someone did something almost unforgivable. I'm wondering if my brother would know that.
TLDR; Brother's fiancee is disliked for good reason. My brother has isolated. I miss him, but also never want to see him again. I want to remind him that this marriage isn't a good idea, but I don't want to antagonize him.
submitted by sweetlibertea to offmychest [link] [comments]
For context, I'll give some examples of what my brother has done to me over the years with some vague age ranges of when they occurred.
When I was about 3, my brother convinced me that red was orange and orange was red because I was learning my colors in preschool. He also used to steal food like tater tots off my little high chair tray and would pretend he didn't do anything when my mom checked on why I was crying (I was NOT a fussy baby/toddler, so it set off alarm bells when I did.)
I think when I was 4 or 5, my brother came into my room after I had already been put to bed, and he woke me up. Thing is, he was hovering over me with a scary mask on, only the hallway light, and a butterknife. Not sure I really have to explain why that was traumatic. I'm still afraid of masks to this day.
When I was around 10-12, my brother kept drinking all the milk or kool aid that I would make and never replenish/remake it. I told him to stop, he wouldn't, of course. My mom was fostering other children and didn't have time for squabbles like this. So I very visibly spit on top of the kool aid pitcher and left the lid off so it was seen. What does my (reminder, 17-19) brother do? He wrenches the bowl of cereal I'm currently eating out of my hands, spits in it, and shoves it back at me hard enough that it spilled all over me. Now, I'm not an angry person. I'm not a violent person. But I was still a child and fed up with being bullied by someone who was/almost an adult. I never tried getting physical before because I was so much smaller, but I hit puberty kind of early. So I splashed the bowl back at him to see how he liked it. He threw me to the ground and hit me. My mom had to break us up and told us we were both to blame, so he didn't even get punished.
Several times, he would turn the lights off on me when I was on the other side of the room in the basement away from the switch, because I was afraid of the dark for a very long time.
We had Sonic Adventure 2 we shared. If we ever fought about something, or I reminded him it was my turn, he threatened to say goodbye forever to my chao. I am extremely soft hearted so that accomplished what he wanted.
Sometimes I would notice my things go missing. I had assumed maybe my mom put them away somewhere and forgot, but I'm pretty sure I know what happened to them. Especially gamecube games-- Those discs were tiny! He was pawning them for drug and booze money. One time he was drunk and admitted he had been selling his adderall for other drugs. That came to a head one terrible Christmas Eve. Brother was home for the holiday and I'm not very clear on what events led up to it, but my parents caught my brother in the bathroom with a baggie of various drugs that he was already doing. He insisted it was just weed, but my parents didn't believe that. I wouldn't know, I only briefly saw the bag, but it was full of both a large green ball of like leaves and lots of white powder. It was a vicious screaming match for a few hours. I hid out in my room on a different floor and played a video game as loud as I could so I didn't have to hear my family. The screams died down after a while, and I cautiously went out of my room. My brother had left the house for a while. I had a few holiday assignments and decided to just crank them out while my family cooled off, and I did it at the dining room table because that's where our Christmas tree was too and I desperately needed that good cheer magic. I was quietly writing, not saying anything, not making much noise, when my brother came back in the house. He stopped off at the kitchen for something and muttered something rude and belittling to me. At this point I'm a preeten-early teen and he had already ruined the day that had always been magical to me before, as my grandma used to stay over with us on Christmas Eve. She had died rather recently at the time. And I can't tell you exactly what I said. I think I've blocked out as much as I can. I made some snide remark, something like 'at least I don't do drugs' and in the next second I was yanked out of my chair. My brother picked me up by the neck and slammed me against the wall. I know I clawed and kicked against the wall as hard as I could. I blacked out, and I woke up on the floor with my parents absolutely screaming at him that he could have killed me. As a side note to the whole ordeal, he never apologized, and it's made my adult life a lot harder as weed becomes more and more commonplace. Just the thought of it used to send me in a panic attack, I could feel the hands choking me again. I've gotten better about dealing with it, but I still refuse to have it in any part of my life whatsoever. It's cost me a few relationships.
When I was in college, my brother had moved back in with me and my parents because his girlfriend dumped him for being a piece of shit that worked at walmart and did nothing but drink all day despite having a state paid scholarship, that he wasted, because he couldn't keep his GPA above 2.8. He was a music major. The classes he took were things like 'History of Jimi Hendrix' and 'The Beatles'. He just partied too much to even attend class. He took the dog they got with him, not at all prepared for her. The dog is a high energy breed that is difficult to train, and we had two small 5-10 pound dogs at home. At 1 year old, bro's dog was about 30 pounds. He often left for several hours during summers/breaks when I was home, without telling anyone, knowing that I would either hear the dog cry if he crated them and feel bad and let them out or that I wouldn't banish them to a crate if they were already in a room with me. The dog bullied our other dogs and bit at everyone. Dog was incredibly overly protective of my brother-- Trait of the breed. I was back at college for a few months and had spent a good month mourning the loss of a 5 year relationship. I never really heard anything from him. Then out of the blue, my brother asks me if I can let him and dog stay for the night (we live 2 hours from the college) because my mom had kicked him out. The dog had bit her and she snapped at my brother to control his f'ing dog and he responded by calling her, the woman who birthed him, payed for his other college costs, paid back loans he promised to pay to other family members, never charged him rent, and he called her a f'ing female dog. She snapped. While I agree that my mom was completely in the right to do that, I have too soft of a heart to just leave him with nowhere to go. He promised it was just a night so he could get in touch with some friends closer to home and figure shit out. I let him come to me.
I really regret that decision.
At the time I had a new roommate (she was very nice though, I liked her) and a sort of FWB who doted on me for a little while. I texted FWB and asked if he could bring some alcohol by-- I was still 19 at the time, underage to buy it, but FWB was old enough and agreed the man could probably do with a drink. We stayed out on our little porch area to make sure that we wouldn't be disturbing my roomie in any way while we socialized. My brother got really wasted. He told me terrible things about our deceased grandmother (who he knew I had really loved growing up, and had no idea about who she really was because she had always loved me). And he laughed. He laughed when he saw the discomfort on my face. My FWB was feeling pretty bad for me and suggested we go to bed because it was also like 3 in the morning and both of us had class in the morning, so we go inside. The apartment has a shared common room/living room, little kitchen area, and laundry closet. My bedroom is on one side and roomie's was on the other-- Both bathrooms are also ensuite to the bedroom. So I went in and changed out of my clothes into something comfier to sleep in and crawled into my bed, letting my brother do his own thing in the bathroom. I'm just trying to rest and suddenly my brother is pulling me out of my bed and dragging me out of my own room. He's yelling that he's taking my bed, did I really expect him to take the couch? And I'm not very confrontational. I'm flustered, tired, and honestly a little afraid after the neck choke incident. FWB steps in like a hero and tries to calmly explain that its my bed, and I will sleep in it, I have been kind enough to let him stay and he should not be so ungrateful. Brother fucking loses his mind. Starts screaming his head off about how selfish I am and how reliant I am on our parents and won't be able to do anything on my own as an adult (I was financially dependent on my parents at 19 while in college, shocker). He starts drunkenly trying to pick up his dog's toys and searching for his keys, and both FWB and I step in and tell him he can't go driving like this, after like half a bottle of fireball. He at least needs to sober up before he can drive. I stand in front of the front door, as my brother is still searching for his keys, and there is no way I'm letting him out of here right now. Brother has found his keys, and starts pulling at me and hurting me. Lucky for me, FWB had been a pretty good wrestler in highschool. He got my brother pinned down and I snatched the keys, hiding over by the sink in case I had to throw them in there. He's screaming his head off and my poor roommate comes out and asks what the hell is going on because she knows I'm very quiet and tend to keep visitors in my room. I'm like half sobbing trying to explain and the FWB, still pinning my brother, tells her that we're trying to keep him from drunk driving. My roommate does not play around with that. She was in nursing school, and had recently lost a friend to a drunk driver. I don't know how it worked, but she put on her stern nurse tone and told my brother that he was free to leave when he sobered up, or she herself would be calling the cops on him, and both me and FWB could press additional charges for assault. He reluctantly agreed to this condition and FWB let him off the floor, but sat in front of the front door just in case. When he was sobered up, he left, saying 'I hope you like mom and dad, because I'm not your family anymore'.
And that was devastating. I couldn't stop crying. My FWB went back to bed with me and laid me down in bed and let me cry until I passed out. He skipped his class that day to be there for me. I know I don't paint a good picture of my brother, but I did/do love him. I thought now that we were older that he'd mellowed out and we could be good friends like I always wanted. I mean, I made like 300 fake facebook accounts back in the day to vote for his band to be a headliner at a large concert. Just a few years prior when he was home on a break he introduced me to a TV show we binged and he let my lay on his shoulder. (I was/am very touch starved but paralyzed by fear that I'm annoying the other person, and all my friends were made later in life and are states away). When Pokemon Go came out we would take late night drives around quiet places of town while hunting pokemon together. We traded off the controller on online battlefield games and compared scores and the most ridiculous deaths. I really thought that he loved me too, finally, after years of resentment.
He didn't speak to me for 2 years. I didn't find out until later, but my parents lied for him on my behalf that he still loved me and was just annoyed, and gave me birthday/christmas presents that they told me had been from him, just that he was working. I really treasured those objects when I didn't know the truth about them. I got a really stupid mug with the first letter of my name on it in pink and zebra print (two things I don't really enjoy) but I used that thing every single day.
So, these are glimpses into my previous relationship with my brother. I don't really remember when he started speaking to me again, but I sure know he never apologized. He had finally hit rock bottom and asked my father to put in a good word for him at (insert facility with decent pay and good benefits but hard work), which he had previously rejected by telling my parents that it was a shit job. My brother's name got put closer to the top of the resumes. He got in. It wasn't easy work, or comfy sometimes, but it paid well enough to endure that, I guess. My brother used to be rather athletic.
Between the cut off point and then, my brother had worked at a (also generic job) a town or two over and hated the commute. He also happened to find a girlfriend with an apartment sort of close by. She didn't like having him over because of his dog, and almost never let him do any overnight. But now that my brother had a better paying job, she was willing to move in with him, of course. My brother bought a house in our home town and she came with it. She pays a ridiculously low amount of rent to my brother.
If she was home and brother wasn't, the dog stayed crated up because she didn't want to deal with it. Both of them worked, but her job isn't at all difficult. And yet somehow, sometimes pulling doubles, my brother ended up doing most of everything. My brother, who didn't learn to do his laundry until his 20s, ate pizza every single day, and had left used condoms on the floor of his bedroom in our parents house when he left. He did most of the cooking because she says she's bad at it. But will make pies for her mom. When the holidays came around, instead of discussing or rotating, they will always go to her family first. If my brother can come to ours at all. He often misses entire occassions (we don't go out big, but like, cmon. Hand your dad the gift card on his birthday at least, not 2 weeks later).
I also used to get to hangout or see my brother sometimes. Maybe once every few weeks, and it was fun! It was the friendship I had always dreamt of. Now I can't even get him to do anything online with me from the comfort of his own home. I don't have a single text from him this year past 1/27.
At first, we all understood. She was quirky. I was quirky. We share several similar traits and interests. I used to like that and be excited to have a family member like me, but now I dread the day she becomes family.
Let's start with the smoking car. Me and my parents were driving near his street so we could cut through to the highway, and out of nowhere, black smoke starts coming from the hood. My father tells me and my mom to get out and he'll get it to my brother's and out of the road to look at it and see what was going on. This was like.... early August. It was very hot outside. Since I've 'been in the house before' and 'know what it's like' I am 'allowed' to come into my brother's house to cool off. But GF refuses letting in either of them, referring to the messy state of the house. Which, okay, fair-- But its HER messes. My brother cleans up after her. I learned later that GF snapped at him about his family always coming over unannounced and how she has to hurry to put on a bra and everything is messy and we can't just drop in its rude! She says, as her mother and brother do the exact same thing, in a house she doesn't own. But my family let it be water under the bridge for now. My brother called me a f'in a'hole for telling my mom about the conversation. Because my mom was livid.
The next thing is my father. My dad's family has a pretty big history of strokes and heart attacks, and he's had one heart attack. My dad had been in pain all day and he finally gave up at about 3AM and woke my mom up to drive him to the hospital. I don't have a license at this point, so there's little that I can do. My mom says the surgery he probably needs isn't even done here and they're transferring him, my mom asked me to keep my brother in the loop. So I told him about this and about the time they would reach the hospital, because my mom dad gran and I share locations. I asked if he would take me up, I had a bag full of things that might make him more comfortable or less stressed. The hospital they're taking our dad to is a little over an hour away. Everyone is more or less frantic. My brother is talking to work for him, I'm making sure that for however many hours that our pets will be okay and talking to my mom's work. We drive there and nothing major happens, but it was so... Uncomfortable? Tense. The thing that's hurting my dad is a blocked or enlarged blood vessel that cuts off oxygen to the tissue around it, which, cells die, and you really need your colon, the area my dad has an issue with. The thing is, until they can do the surgery, it was like he was a ticking time bomb. My brother takes me home when visitor hours are over and I hold my dogs tight. The next day is filled with lots of pricks pokes and prods at my dad so we don't go that day. We do go the day after, Friday. My brother's GF is in the truck with him. I'm not really paying attention to much of anything because for all we know my dad could die before we got there. Brothers' GF goes to get some snacks from the long drive and the fact that she's not exactly family yet. My brother, mom and I rotate who is away in the cafe and eating with GF. I see GF and my brother whispering angrily at each other. She's tugging at his arm. I manage to pick up 'We're going to miss my mom's dinner!" And I am just stunned. Her mother has a small family dinner every single friday and makes meatloaf. His GF wanted us to head back from our critical father, because she didn't want to miss a weekly event. And I really have to hand it to my brother for not snapping right then and there. He waited until we were in his truck and out of the hospital parking lot and says "How in the f'ck do you say something to me like that? Like, for real, wtf!" GF starts crying and says its a family tradition and her mom is all she has left-- False. She has her mom, sister, and brother, at least. Her father died in a car incident that hospitalized her as a kid. So my brother snaps again like 'are you seriously telling me you value a f'ing loaf of meat over a life? we have no idea what will happen, my dad could die within the hour and i'm not there, he could die tomorrow, how long d-" And GF cuts him off wailing that her dad is dead. Which, yes, is a horrifyingly traumatic experience. But she does not get to play the 'my dad is dead' card ten years after the fact, to justify leaving our possibly dying father before visiting hours ended. She tried to emotionally blackmail my brother by apologizing to me through tears that this must be so hard for me but honestly I was doing my best to block it out, staring at pictures of dogs in hammocks. I shared my brother's sentiment.
But wait, there's more! Remember that car accident GF had years ago? You would think that, if nothing else, she would be empathetic for someone/their family in a car crash? You'd be wrong! I was rear ended at 60 mph right in front of my house after coming home from work (the ambulance took me straight back to work lmao). The physical damage to me was pretty minimal, bruises and a sprained ankle because my foot was pressed on the brake, waiting for an opportunity to cross into the driveway. This was late October 2020. Covid regulations were pretty strict. So I was alone in a room for a while and in pain. My parents had followed the ambulance. My dad had actually heard the crash and went 'huh she usually comes home now' and runs over after seeing the wreckage. My parents had the crash footage, grainy, but there thanks to the cameras set up outside our house. I hadn't realized it by that point but I had a pretty good concussion, and I was hurt, and scared. I was texting my mom constantly but my dad had left his phone at home in the rush to get my mom and she hadn't charged her phone, they'd been in the parking lot for like an hour and a half already. They promised me they'd be back soon, they'll just pop in and let my brother know since he lives nearby. My parents didn't even ask to like, stay and sit with them instead of a cold car. My mom asked to pee and to borrow a charging cable (they had one, GF has the same model phone) given the, you know, situation. My brother barely cracked the door to speak with them. He said no, because GF was uncomfortable, because they were waiting for their second negative test to come in. Read that again. They had tested negative. It's not like my mom would go near anyone to the bathroom either-- The back door that's used more often is literally inches away from the bathroom door. My brother didn't even try to argue with his GF about his own home and some empathy for someone else dealing with a car crash. It absolutely disgusted my parents. And later on brother told me he got another earful about our parents just dropping in without notice and its like? Excuse me? Its his house!
Unfortunately, a tire popped on my parents' car when we were nearby. It was like, 3 years since the first issue with the car. I went inside and asked my brother to let my mom in because its raining. GF did not like that, and didn't realize I could overhear her down the hall, arguing with my brother and his family again. I went over the next day to my brother and he was actively cleaning up GF's mess so it wouldn't be as 'embarassing' for her. I sat him down and talked to him as realistically as I could. I have depression, anxiety, emotional abuse trauma, agorophobia, and very few friends. But I'm okay. He started very quietly expressing his frustration towards GF. She doesn't do much around the house or contribute financially, lets her family over but not his, him doing most of the cooking despite regularly pulling 12s. I sat there calmly, because of course I knew this. This is what makes the situation somewhat even more sticky. I asked my brother, "Do you actually love someone like that? Or are you afraid to be alone?" He's been in one relationship or another for most of my life. Lately he had been confiding in me about how bad his mental health was falling and I was like 'that's not a slump, that's. that's depression.' So when I asked my brother the question, he hesitated. That spoke loudly enough in my opinion. But then I also saw my brother's face crumpling as he admitted he just didn't want to be alone. GF wants babies but my brother knows with her medical history and condition on top of being so lazy and bluntly told me she would not be a good mother and hopes to God that day doesn't come. He is so unhappy being with her. We both heard the rustling of a comforter and my brother lowered his panicky voice and asked me to leave so she doesn't see me here. That is incredibly messed up, especially since its his name on the house. I haven't seen my brother at his house since then, and that was over 2 years ago.
During COVID, GF started working from home, and it stayed that way. My brother still takes care of most things.
In the mean time, he's proposed to her. Yeah. I managed to save things when all our faces dropped at the Christmas dinner he announced their engagement at. My brother calls her by a nickname that was also the name of a beloved family dog that had passed away only one month ago. My dad and my reactions at that time were genuine confusion and sadness about him bringing up our passed pet. Everything was pretty quiet after that. When we got home, I texted my brother and told him that hearing our dog's name in conversation after losing her so recently shattered us, be we were, in fact, happy for his engagement.
I lied.
None of us want him to marry her. I dread the day that I get a wedding invitation or GF shows up pregnant. She would be a terrible mother. My brother is aware of the fact that my parents think she's a rude, inconsiderate brat that only thinks of herself, from that earlier conversation that I talked to my parents about. My mom snapped that they don't have to like her, all they were required to do was be civil, and we are, so shut up.
At larger family functions GF tends to gravitate around me. Like I said, we have similar interests and personalities. And I have never told her to get lost or had it in me to upfront tell her we don't like her. I am absolutely horrible at confrontation, but my patience is wearing thin.
Last year my parents set up brunch for Mother's Day. We were at the table when my brother called and said they were going to urgent care because GF had another one of her migraines that make her vomit. Which, she takes medicine and has injectable solutions. Some situation always comes up with her right before my brother would come to us.
My parents tried again with the Mother's Day brunch last week. On the day of, he said that he was too tired to come, can we try next week? Please insert the eyeroll of the century.
Because of our clear dislike, my brother doesn't often bring his GF around anymore on the offchance she lets him. It occurred to me that my parents planned the same brunch as last year, and I was dreading my question. "Is GF coming with us for brunch?" They don't know. All my brother did was confirm the time and place. The thought of having to deal with her in the morning and pretend that I don't see her for what she is, is already exhausting me. I can barely get my brother to even play online with me. I feel like this has been festering long enough that at some point, its all going to overflow at once. But I am absolutely disgusted by how she takes advantage of my brother's fear of being alone and how the world revolves around her.
I had a dream the other day, actually, it was a good dream. I was at their wedding, and the priest guy said the standard 'speak now or hold your peace' and I stood up and loudly shouted OBJECTION! Every single person in the room turned to look at me, one because I don't raise my voice like that, two my patience is vast, and three, to upset me to this level of shouldering my anxiety by making a spectacle of myself. I then explained every detail, especially how much she was charged for rent, that my brother admitted he wasn't happy, and I wanted better for him than to just be an ATM maid.
If I bring this up to my brother again, I may lose him forever. But if I don't, he may be miserable together. And on the third side-- Do I actually really want my brothers' friendship at this point? Like, I'm definitely fed up dealing with his GF like she is. Plus, I pointed out and reiterated to him before that he admitted he wasn't happy.
I am very, very quiet by default. Never got into much trouble. I was and still am a gentle soul at my core being. If things get to a point where I cross lines of polite manners and call someone out on their bs, people around know that someone did something almost unforgivable. I'm wondering if my brother would know that.
TLDR; Brother's fiancee is disliked for good reason. My brother has isolated. I miss him, but also never want to see him again. I want to remind him that this marriage isn't a good idea, but I don't want to antagonize him.
2024.05.18 05:19 Chickenwingechicken grounding yourself
𝜗𝜚 introduction
back again with another informational post! this one is now about grounding yourself. i see a lot of posts talking about not being able to ground themselves once they reach their dr. they do the method, they wake up in their dr. but, they don't ground themselves. so they only last a couple of seconds in that dr. that's okay, it happens. it happened to me many times as well before i got the hang of it. if you can manage to this, then you can manage to shift again and make it longer!the following are tips that i have used and still use to ground myself. it helps well and i hope you can find it helpful too.
now looking back, this will be a long post so just be warned haha. a tldr will be in the bottom in the conclusion.
˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚ focus ˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚
the following are some tips on how to focus on your dr using visualizations. if you cannot visualize, that is fine! you can either skip this section or learn how to visualize. visualization is more than just seeing images. instead of focusing on the act of shifting, focus on your breathing and detaching yourself. don't focus on the concept of shifting. don't overthink it; focus on the journey to shift. focus on how your breath travels all the way and surrounding your body. how your chest pushes out with each exhale. how maybe it hurts to breathe in too much. do you breathe too quickly? the more that you focus on this, the more your body will relax. then, focus on breathing in your dr.to practice getting better at visualization, try to imagine an apple in front of you. what is its size and shape? what color is it? if it is in your hand, how firm is it? what does it taste like as you bite into it?
another exercise is i want you to think of your favorite food. imagine how it tastes in your head, even for just a split second, your brain will make your taste buds remember. that is a visualization. practice meditating and visualizing as you meditate. your soul idea is to visualize and focus on that one thing. and only that one thing. make the meditation longer and longer each time until you feel closer and better connected to your dr enough to shift.
🎀˚₊‧ intent ‧₊˚🎀
intent is the most important part of shifting. it is the difference between wishful thinking and actually shifting. some people struggle with intent and not knowing what it is.now personally, i find saying things out loud is good and more helpful for me. you can even whisper it. hearing the words to yourself does more in my opinion. i have many options for intent. you could go to bed telling yourself your intentions to wake up in your dr.
now, at this point, your intention is just wishful thinking. you want to wake up in your dr. so you close your eyes and go to sleep, hoping that you will. now, to add to it and improve upon this intention idea. go to bed, and try a shifting method while awake. focus on your body going to sleep. if your body feels stuck and tingling, let it happen.
as your body tries to sleep, it will become uncomfortable. don't let the uncomfortable feelings make you move or stop this state. keep thinking about your dr. try to immerse yourself in it. think of yourself sleeping in your dr.
now, if you do not shift even while doing this, that is okay. you still have other chances. this next step can be done after. do the same thing again. go to sleep with the intent of waking up in your reality. you will have your dream and you will slowly start to wake up. you wake up before your eyes open. in this state, you are still groggy and teetering between awake ans asleep. your body is tired and you are still stuck. use this to your advantage!
affirm the fact that you are waking up in your desired reality. make sure that you are sure of it. make sure that you are becoming aware of your dr and not your cr. i talk about how to in my 54321 technique section below.
but hey, let's say that you did all of that, and still haven't shifted at this point. well, you have two options. either a, write down your dreams in great detail. this is so you can try to lucid dream and do a lucid dreaming method one day.
or b, while you are still tired, quickly play something to shift to or a meditation. meditate and relax yourself throughout the day to help if you wish. you can always try again later in the night.
you can also try to do similar to what people do when they astral project. set an alarm to wake up in the middle of the night. do something for a few minutes until you feel tired again. lie back down and try to shift again using this method.
if you believe that each time you try will be another failure, then you will not shift. don't get discouraged. sometimes relaxing yourself and not stressing is the best option honestly.
i will also add here that once you do get to your dr, intend to stay for a while. think of it like martial arts. in martial arts, you are taught to not punch at the opponent, but instead, to intend to punch through them. don't just intend to go to your dr, intend to stay for a while. however long you wish. having a time frame in mind helps but you don't have to.
‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧ 54321 ‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧
the 54321 method is one to tap into your senses. i call this a method not in reference to a shifting method, but as a grounding method. at this point, you have shifted and are just looking to ground yourself in order to stay in your dr for more than a couple of seconds.this method is used to ground anyone dealing with anxiety and a good meditation strategy in general. it includes looking for the following.
: ̗̀➛ 5
look for five things you can see. or five things you wish to visualize seeing once in your dr. at this point, you are starting to see things. so calm down, don't freak out of get excited. look around, calm yourself. find five things in your surrounding that you can see. your pillow, the ceiling, the wall. is there anything on your walls? any posters or photos? what color are your walls? these questions are important to ask yourself when grounding as it makes you focus on its realness.
: ̗̀➛ 4
four things you can touch. start to feel around and explore things. your blankets. the wall. the texture of your pillow. your own face. you can feel your face on the pillow. is it soft? stiff? warm? cold? where is your arm? is it under the pillow?
: ̗̀➛ 3
find and acknowledge three things that you hear. maybe people are talking in the background. the birds chirping. did you fall asleep listening to music maybe?
: ̗̀➛ 2
two things you can smell. breakfast being ready. incense in the background. did you light any candles? any pets that you sleep by? all of these are important to acknowledge.
: ̗̀➛ 1
finally, find one thing that you can taste, your teeth have a taste. lick you teeth and think of that taste. maybe hair was in your mouth and you can taste that.
💌₊˚⊹ conclusion ₊˚⊹💌
a quick tldr first now because this post got very long. for focus, you need to focus on your breathing and the idea of being in your dr; not the concept of shifting itself. for intent, actually make the effort to feel your body in your dr rather than having just a wishful thinking. and finally, for the 54321, focus on your senses when in your dr. and that is basically how to ground yourself.this post was posted at 8:18 p.m.
happy shifting! ᡣ𐭩
2024.05.18 04:48 Lunagray Neptunia Game Maker R:Evolution First Impressions (Artbook, Gameplay, Story, Performance, Canon)
I got my hands on the Limited Edition bundle today and played through the game up to Chapter 1.
Here's a bunch of information I gathered up to then about the game, gathered from the artbook and from the story in Chapter 1. Spoilers for chapter 1 will be in this post, along with commentary from Tsunako about the characters from the artbook and other noteworthy information I could gather from it.
I will start with the artbook because I read it first.
The game's new music tracks have a very aggressively retro feel to them, a little more than usual. I don't know, maybe it's just been a while for me, but some of the tracks have portions that sound like they would fit right into the pixel-era like nothing. These aren't bad, by the way, they simply stand out a lot from the soundtrack we're used to.
I played the game with the English dub on the Switch. All the important scenes are dubbed, as is the standard for the English dubs of Neptunia. The Live2D is insanely good.
Now for the game's performance during dungeons.
It's not 60fps, and really, I don't really care about that and don't really expect it on consoles anyway (ESPECIALLY not the Switch). The game performs well while running around the now MASSIVE dungeons that are here to stay in these games. That being said, this brings up a QoL issue. Your default running speed feels really slow, and you only start to actually run at a decent speed after running in one direction for about two or three seconds. I wish I could manually sprint by pressing down the joystick like other games do.
I am sad to say that Big Nep does not say "like a Kangaroo" while jumping. The camera also doesn't let to see pantsu (though I'm not sure if this is simply because of Big Nep's height or the camera's actual limits). This is, of course, a reference to George Orwell's novel, 1984.
The combat is very, very fast paced. Whenever an enemy dies the game stops and shows you which enemy is defeated for a second before resuming the battle. This actually flows really well, but it may take some getting used to. You can NOT animation cancel your way out of an attack and into a block like in other action games however, so keep this in mind when you play. Chain combos and switching control of party members feel very fluid and can feel a bit overwhelmed if you start doing it so often.
Also of note about the combat, there is not limit to how many times you can attack with one character in this game, like in SvS. You can just sit on one character the whole match and be able to attack the entire time (that would be really boring to do though). At the very least, the game isn't FORCING you to switch who you're controlling this time.
The combat victory screen has been entirely stripped down, any items, stats, abilities learned, items obtained, etc. are now relegated to being text on the bottom right of the screen. This is because your whole party is shown during the victory screen now, instead of how it would only show the party member who struck the killing blow.
I'm not going to lie, the victory screen is actually where the game's performance is at its worst. The way it's set is is that your whole party is standing together with the person who performed the last blow doing their little victory animation in the front. The speed of this animation is completely janky and I could only really describe it as suddenly slamming your foot into the breaks while driving at top speed. The animation is REALLY fast then suddenly slows down to normal speed at the end. They probably intended for the victory screen to last longer but had to change it at some point and just sped up the animation like this to make up for it. It does not look good. I do not know if this is a Switch issue or not, so if someone has the game on PS4 or PS5, let us know.
I will end this post by talking about the canonicity of this game. To put it simply, this game appears to canonically take place after VII. The Big Nep and Croire in this game are the same ones we've met before. People have floated around the idea for a game before where Big Nep would go to different dimensions on an adventure. This is that game. The scope isn't enormous, of course, this game seems to be focused on this one dimension rather than being a whole game with a bunch of different dimensions Big Nep travels to, but that scope would've been too big for what is ultimately, a spinoff game.
Yes, this game follows the same trend as its predecessor, Sisters vs Sisters, in being a spinoff that is actually a canon sequel. However, unlike Sisters vs Sisters, this one is not in Hyper Dimension, though this dimension bears more similarities to it than the other dimensions we have seen so far.
It will be interesting to see what CH makes next with this sort of mindset.
TL;DR: Good game, don't skip
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Here's a bunch of information I gathered up to then about the game, gathered from the artbook and from the story in Chapter 1. Spoilers for chapter 1 will be in this post, along with commentary from Tsunako about the characters from the artbook and other noteworthy information I could gather from it.
I will start with the artbook because I read it first.
- On the opening page is "What is Neptunia?" with a quick rundown of the series and its history. They are aware they have "countless spinoffs".
- Next is a page with the cover art of EVERY Neptunia title to date... 21 in all. That's a pretty amazing number, the series has really come so far in 14 years.
- The next section introduces the cast of the game, starting with Big Nep, who is referred to as "Older Neptune" officially.
- Tsunako comment on Big Nep: she's speechless (in a good way) that a side character she make in a 4koma is now a fully realized protagonist.
- The "Failure Goddesses" trio all have white hair, this is "due to their recent lifelessness". In other words, they are really stressed and their hair is turning gray. This is harder to see for Reedio whose hair is entirely white right now. Apparently she uses to have different colored tips in her hair, but those have now turned white.
- Pippih's hair is meant to look like the two halves of a brain. Tsunako says she is supposed to look like she is smug [about her intelligence] but really is smart. Her HDD form has an angel motif because she can always be called upon [for help].
- The marks in Jagaa's hair and clothes are supposed to be claw marks. At first glance her HDD form appears to have been designed with censorship in mind, but the tomboy butler look she has works pretty well. The same can't be said for Reedio's HDD form, it has the same kind of covering that was given to ReVerse's cover art.
- "Hey! I know this is a spinoff, but we still hafta worry about the ratings!" -Neptune (OG version).
- The word "Maker" in this dimension is kind of funny. Normally in the series they are "personifications of video-game companies". In this game, they literally ARE video-game companies. Whenever someone says "Maker", the word is basically being used in place of the word "company".
- Neptune (OG) is described as the first of the "First Makers".
- Noire's latest console has been well received, but suffers from rampant scalping.
- Blanc's games are described as "pure and genuine".
- Vert's too focused playing Lowee and Lastation's consoles to worry on her own. She does this with the pretense of "studying the competition". She is described as carrying a "legendary legacy".
- The CPU Candidates are in this game, and they operate their own game dev companies separately form their sisters. This is music to my ears, because this means they'll probably be able to shine on their own in this game. They are known as the "Second Sisters" and develop games for handhelds.
- Nepgear runs Planepgear, and is struggling with bootleg games flooding the market.
- Uni runs Lastanita
which makes her an honorary latinaand people have been waiting for her to release her next piece of hardware for a long time. She has become depressed because her console's sales have been slow. "I can't this this anymore... why can't I be like my sister?" Honestly, this is pretty sad. - Rom and Ram co-lead Dualsmall (funniest thing I've read in a while, ngl), and they're pissed that people keep stealing their games' assets. Ram is reaching her boiling point. Rom's quote is "interrogate, cross-exame, brutalize...!", bringing back the "sadist Rom" we all know and love from the manga.
- On Croire's entry, Tsunako notes that she actually gave herself more work on purpose in redrawing Croire, because she just really has fun drawing her.
- F-Sha talks like a Final Fantasy XIV character, she always seems to have her right eye closed.
- B-Sha's hobbies include "making serious bank". On a completely unrelated note, Presto Mask is also supposed to be in this game.
- C-Sha still goes around monster hunting. In this dimension, the Gold Third is akin to a (voluntary) police force.
- K-Sha engages in stealth missions to take down piracy operations.
- S-Sha's entry is actually very interesting. Originally in VII it was revealed that S-Sha lost her body in this movie incident and was saved by E-Sha by sharing her body. In this dimension, she almost died and was saved by the Failure Goddesses, and it says she now holds a grudge against them.
- The antagonists of this game are the Pirate Makers, who are working under... you guessed it... Arfoire. They have pirate hats.
- Copy the Hard is supposed to look like a bunch of consoles thrown together to look like a Megazord. Recognize any of them? This guy makes bootleg hardware.
- Copy the Art steals art and slightly alters them for personal use in her own games. Her design is supposed to be based on modern art.
- Copy the Code copies the code of successful games and makes a bunch of bootleg versions of those games. Her design is said to have been the hardest one to get work on.
- The artbook includes two bizarre monster designs one called "Psychostock" and the other called "Psyfoire". The latter may be a new Arfoire transformation.
The game's new music tracks have a very aggressively retro feel to them, a little more than usual. I don't know, maybe it's just been a while for me, but some of the tracks have portions that sound like they would fit right into the pixel-era like nothing. These aren't bad, by the way, they simply stand out a lot from the soundtrack we're used to.
I played the game with the English dub on the Switch. All the important scenes are dubbed, as is the standard for the English dubs of Neptunia. The Live2D is insanely good.
Now for the game's performance during dungeons.
It's not 60fps, and really, I don't really care about that and don't really expect it on consoles anyway (ESPECIALLY not the Switch). The game performs well while running around the now MASSIVE dungeons that are here to stay in these games. That being said, this brings up a QoL issue. Your default running speed feels really slow, and you only start to actually run at a decent speed after running in one direction for about two or three seconds. I wish I could manually sprint by pressing down the joystick like other games do.
I am sad to say that Big Nep does not say "like a Kangaroo" while jumping. The camera also doesn't let to see pantsu (though I'm not sure if this is simply because of Big Nep's height or the camera's actual limits). This is, of course, a reference to George Orwell's novel, 1984.
The combat is very, very fast paced. Whenever an enemy dies the game stops and shows you which enemy is defeated for a second before resuming the battle. This actually flows really well, but it may take some getting used to. You can NOT animation cancel your way out of an attack and into a block like in other action games however, so keep this in mind when you play. Chain combos and switching control of party members feel very fluid and can feel a bit overwhelmed if you start doing it so often.
Also of note about the combat, there is not limit to how many times you can attack with one character in this game, like in SvS. You can just sit on one character the whole match and be able to attack the entire time (that would be really boring to do though). At the very least, the game isn't FORCING you to switch who you're controlling this time.
The combat victory screen has been entirely stripped down, any items, stats, abilities learned, items obtained, etc. are now relegated to being text on the bottom right of the screen. This is because your whole party is shown during the victory screen now, instead of how it would only show the party member who struck the killing blow.
I'm not going to lie, the victory screen is actually where the game's performance is at its worst. The way it's set is is that your whole party is standing together with the person who performed the last blow doing their little victory animation in the front. The speed of this animation is completely janky and I could only really describe it as suddenly slamming your foot into the breaks while driving at top speed. The animation is REALLY fast then suddenly slows down to normal speed at the end. They probably intended for the victory screen to last longer but had to change it at some point and just sped up the animation like this to make up for it. It does not look good. I do not know if this is a Switch issue or not, so if someone has the game on PS4 or PS5, let us know.
I will end this post by talking about the canonicity of this game. To put it simply, this game appears to canonically take place after VII. The Big Nep and Croire in this game are the same ones we've met before. People have floated around the idea for a game before where Big Nep would go to different dimensions on an adventure. This is that game. The scope isn't enormous, of course, this game seems to be focused on this one dimension rather than being a whole game with a bunch of different dimensions Big Nep travels to, but that scope would've been too big for what is ultimately, a spinoff game.
Yes, this game follows the same trend as its predecessor, Sisters vs Sisters, in being a spinoff that is actually a canon sequel. However, unlike Sisters vs Sisters, this one is not in Hyper Dimension, though this dimension bears more similarities to it than the other dimensions we have seen so far.
It will be interesting to see what CH makes next with this sort of mindset.
TL;DR: Good game, don't skip
2024.05.18 03:11 TheSpace81 A stranger in strange lands - 13 (Part 2) [English]
Prologue
First
Previous / Next
Spanish Version (OG Version)
Credits to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe.
And thanks to u/Signal-Chicken559 for proof-reading and the feedback, seriously, thank you.
Also available on Archive of Our Own
Note: There's a post on the Discord of this subreddit, so if you wanna discuss something about my story, that should be the place to go
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Memory Transcription Subject: Syra, Universal History Student at Brightspire and Member of the Human-Venlil Exchange Program
Date [standardized human date]: September 17, 2136
Maybe this "therapy" wouldn't be so bad after all. Perhaps they just wanted to make sure Daniel felt comfortable and supported during his stay here. I hoped that was the case, because otherwise, I wouldn't hesitate to bare my claws if necessary to protect him.
For now, I would let things flow naturally. But I would keep a close eye out, just in case. Daniel wasn't alone in this, I was here to look out for him.
[Time advancement: 10 minutes]
"...and that's more or less how I ended up here, details more, details less," Daniel finished recounting how he had arrived.
He seems satisfied with what Daniel has told so far. Good sign, I suppose. Although I still wonder what exactly this "therapy" is about.
At that, the "psychologist" gets up and walks to the back of the room. He takes some kind of portable whiteboard and places it in front of us. He then takes out a couple of markers and begins to draw a simple diagram.
"Well, Daniel, I think I have a general idea of who you are," he says as he scribbles on the whiteboard. "Now I'd like to explain my approach a bit in this session."
I frown slightly, intrigued. The Doctor draws a large circle in the center of the whiteboard and writes the word "Communication" inside it.
"You see, for me communication is the key to everything," he continues. "It's the medium through which we can express our needs and obtain what we need or desire."
I nod slowly, contemplating the diagram. It makes sense so far. The Doctor continues tracing more elements, listing some steps:
"The first thing is to describe the observable facts objectively," he explains while pointing to step 1. "Then, express the emotions and thoughts that arise in relation to those facts. But most importantly, identify the underlying need that those emotions and thoughts reflect."
He takes another color and draws an arrow that goes from the "Needs" circle to another where he writes "Finds the common ground with the other person."
"Once the needs are identified, we can express them in the form of a request to the other person," he says. "In this way, both parties can work together to satisfy those needs in a collaborative and empathetic way."
I nod again, beginning to understand his approach. It's... interesting, to be honest. Very different from the more authoritarian and repressive approach I experienced with my sister's case. The Doctor takes a moment to study our reactions.
"I know this may seem a bit foreign to your customs, Syra," he admits in an understanding tone. "But on Earth we have learned (or we're supposed to) that repressing or denying emotions only leads to more conflicts and suffering. It's better to express them in a healthy way and seek solutions that benefit everyone."
He turns back to the whiteboard and draws another more elaborate diagram. This time, there is a kind of circle, with elongated triangles inside, Daniel explained to me in my previous chats with him, that this was called a "compass" and was used for guidance at sea (By the stars, what's wrong with these humans? Don't they see that the sea is extremely dangerous?!). This compass seemed to be surrounded by several sectors, each with the name of an emotion: joy, sadness, fear, anger, boredom, disgust, surprise.
I look at the diagram with curiosity, it's an interesting concept, although very different from what I've learned on Venlil Prime.
The Doctor points to the central circle with the word "Communication."
"As you can see, for me everything revolves around effective communication," he continues calmly. "First, we must describe the facts objectively, without judging."
I nod slowly, following his explanation. So far it makes sense.
"Then, it is crucial to identify the emotions and thoughts that those facts generate in us. We should not repress or deny them," he continues, tracing more elements on the diagram. "Those emotions and thoughts lead us to identify an underlying need."
I frown a little when I hear that. Needs... my mind goes back to the situation with my sister. Could it be that she just needed to express herself better? No, I can't think about that now.
"Once the need is identified, we can express it as a request to the other person," the Doctor draws an arrow pointing to the words "Finds the common ground." "Thus, both parties can work together to satisfy those needs in an empathetic and collaborative way."
I open my eyes in surprise. Is he suggesting that we can simply... ask for what we need? Without fear, without reprisals. It's such a foreign idea from what I experienced... But at the same time, it makes a certain sense.
The Doctor turns towards us, studying our reactions.
"I know this approach may seem strange to you Venlil," he admits with understanding. "But on Earth we learned that repressing or denying emotions only brings more conflicts. It's better to express them in a healthy way."
I swallow hard with discomfort. It's true that on Venlil Prime we are taught to keep certain emotions under control. Especially those that could be seen as... "predatory."
"Um... Excuse me, Doctor," I interject cautiously. "I understand your point, but... What about those emotions or behaviors that are considered harmful or problematic?"
The Doctor looks at me intently before responding.
"It's a very valid question, Syra. But you see, no emotion is inherently 'good' or 'bad'," he explains patiently. "Even emotions like anger or fear have a purpose and meaning. The important thing is to learn to identify them, understand them and express them appropriately."
I frown thoughtfully. Is he suggesting that even the darkest emotions have a place? It's certainly... different from what I've been taught.
"But... What if those emotions endanger others?" I insist, unable to avoid thinking of my sister. "In my culture, certain behaviors, though emotional, are seen as a 'disease'."
A heavy silence settles in the room. I can sense Daniel's discomfort by my side, though he doesn't say a word. The Doctor remains silent for a moment, did I say something wrong?
"I understand your concern, and I'm sorry for that, Syra," he finally responds. "I understand that each culture may have its own norms and values. But at least on Earth, we have learned that pathologizing or repressing certain emotions only increases suffering."
He takes a breath before continuing.
"The important thing is to find healthy ways to express and channel those intense emotions. With support, understanding and appropriate tools, no one has to resort to harm or violence."
I ponder his words carefully. It's such a different perspective... But I can't help the doubts that assail me. If my sister had had that "support" and "understanding"... would she still be alive?
At that moment, I remember what Thomas mentioned about Daniel's "diagnosis." I glance sideways at my human companion sitting beside me, who remains silent.
"Um... Doctor, if you don't mind me asking," I begin cautiously. "What exactly does that 'diagnosis' you mentioned before mean? The 'Autism Spectrum Disorder'?"
Daniel tenses visibly by my side, as if he wants to avoid that conversation. But the Doctor simply nods calmly.
"Well it's not a bad question, Syra," he responds. "Autism Spectrum Disorder is a neurodivergent condition that primarily affects the development of social skills and communication. People on the spectrum can have difficulties interpreting social cues, maintaining eye contact or understanding figurative language."
I look at Daniel with renewed interest, trying to better understand his situation. Maybe that's why it's so hard for him to socialize...
"But that doesn't mean they are 'sick' or 'deficient' people," the Doctor is quick to clarify. "They simply have a neurodivergent processing of social information. With the right supports, they can develop fully."
My gaze softens as I observe Daniel. I feel a wave of understanding toward him. All this time he has been dealing with these challenges and yet he still strives to establish bonds and learn about my culture.
"There's no need to be alarmed. As I said, the intention is not to judge or label anyone. We simply want to understand and provide the appropriate support."
I nod slowly, feeling the tension dissipate a little. Then, the Doctor takes out a deck of cards from a small briefcase he had at his side.
"In fact, would you like to play a little game? It could help us get to know each other in a more relaxed way."
I glance sideways at Daniel, not quite sure what to expect. He shrugs indifferently, as if letting me decide. Well, why not? A game could be a more pleasant way to get through this "therapy."
"Sure, let's play," I respond, giving a slight smile and gesturing with my tail.
The Doctor nods and proceeds to explain the rules of the game called "Sussed?". It doesn't seem too complicated: basically, we have to read some cards with 3 questions and 3 answer options each, choose the one that best represents us and try to guess which answer to that question the player who asked it chose.
"Sounds good," I comment as the Doctor deals the cards to each of us. "Do you want to start?"
This was the kind of board games I liked the most.
"Sure, why not?" the Doctor replied as he takes the first card. "Let's see..."
After a few moments, he chooses the card, looks at it for another moment, and the psychologist says:
"This question says: 'If you could swap bodies with anyone for a day, who would you choose?'"
I frown thoughtfully. It's an interesting question, to be honest. Who would a human want to swap bodies with?
If I were human, who would I swap bodies with?
I glance sideways at Daniel and a mischievous idea crosses my mind. What if...? No, no, that would be too daring.
But I return to the objective, to guess who the therapist would become, and then he says the options:
"And the options are:
"What do you say? Who do you think I would choose?"
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously and made a new gesture with my ears. My ideal partner? That option seemed too suggestive for a human like him. Or would it be too obvious? And what if he chose his idol to get to know them better? I didn't completely rule out the last option either.
"Hmm..." I murmured, scratching my chin. "I'd say... C? He'd swap with one of us for a day?"
Daniel shifted beside me, seeming just as intrigued by the question as I was. Doctor Calderón simply shook his head.
"Good theory, but no. My answer was B," he revealed calmly.
Well! It made sense, I suppose. Humans really do seem obsessed with their celebrities and public figures, Daniel told me they had many, many celebrations of the historical figures of each of their countries, so each "paw" or "whatever" of their year celebrated something or someone.
"I see," I nodded. "Interesting choice."
"Alright, I guess it's my turn now," Daniel cleared his throat through his mask. "Let's see... 'If you could travel through time, what era would you choose to visit?'"
That was a fairly typical question for a game like this, but it still made me think. What era would Daniel like to visit? So many possibilities...
The options Daniel mentioned were:
Honestly, I'm not too sure which one he might choose. Knowing his fascination with space exploration, he might choose the future to see how civilizations evolve. But he could also be interested in some golden age from his species' remote past.
Determined to guess his answer, I risk my hunch:
"Hmm, I think you'd say... option C? A golden age or key historical period?" I suggest, moving my tail inquisitively. "That's the impression I get considering your interest in history."
Daniel takes a few moments before responding with a slight nod.
"Good intuition, Syra. I chose option C, a golden age. More specifically, the European Renaissance I told you about before, don't you remember?" he reveals in a calm tone. "It was a period of great scientific and cultural advancement for my species."
I nod, pleased to have guessed right. It's interesting how Daniel seems to value the periods of intellectual and artistic progress of his civilization, despite its apparently violent background.
"Ah, yes, you told me it was a transcendental moment for humans in areas like philosophy, the arts and knowledge in general."
"Exactly. Figures like Leonardo da Vinci, Galileo, Michelangelo and so many others laid the foundations of modern science and thought. Although there were shadows too, of course."
Doctor Calderón nods and takes notes in a small notebook he has by his side. I feel curious to learn more about this "golden age" that Daniel mentions, so I decide to ask:
"If it's okay with you, could you tell me a little more about that 'Renaissance'?" I inquire, my ears slightly raised. "I'm interested in knowing what made it so important for your species."
Daniel settles into his seat, as if preparing for a more extensive explanation. I notice how his hands, make some gestures as he speaks, something I've noticed humans often do.
"Well, the Renaissance was a cultural movement that emerged in the European region during the 15th and 16th centuries, mainly in cities like Florence, Rome and Venice," he begins to explain. "After a period known as the Middle Ages, where a somewhat more rigid and dogmatic thought predominated, the Renaissance brought a resurgence of interest in the classical ideals of ancient Greece and Rome."
I nod, trying to follow his line of thought. Humans seem to have a special fascination with those ancient cultures from their past.
"Renaissance artists and thinkers promoted a more humanistic and rational approach," Daniel continues. "Figures like Leonardo da Vinci embodied the idea of the 'Renaissance man', one who sought knowledge in various areas: art, science, engineering, philosophy, and blah, blah, blah."
"Wow, that sounds really interesting," I comment sincerely. "Could you give me some more concrete examples of the achievements of that period?"
Daniel nods and proceeds to mention some Renaissance milestones: Da Vinci's advances in anatomy and his studies on the human body, the astronomical discoveries of Galileo Galilei, artworks like the Sistine Chapel and Michelangelo's David, and the rediscovery of his species' literary classics.
"In summary, it was an era of great creative and intellectual effervescence," Daniel concludes. "Though of course there was still a long way to go."
I nod, fascinated by Daniel's description. It's admirable how his species managed to propel itself forward in those key periods, despite the difficulties and limitations they faced back then. I can't help but wonder if the Venlil will ever experience a similar awakening, at least, of thought...
At that moment, I remember we're playing "Sussed?", grab one of the cards and choose one of its questions, taking advantage of Daniel's enthusiasm for history and culture.
"Alright, my turn," I announce, taking a new card. "If you could choose one supernatural ability, what would it be?' And the options are:
"What do you say? What do you think I would choose?"
Now that I think about it, what would I choose?
I would definitely choose to be able to fly.
The idea of soaring through the skies with total freedom seems incredibly appealing to me. I imagine how exciting it would be to explore Venlil Prime's landscapes from the heights, without restrictions.
Daniel remains silent for a few moments, as if carefully analyzing the options. I can imagine the gears turning inside that peculiar human head of his. Finally, he responds:
"Time travel."
Time travel? I didn't expect that. I suppose it makes sense coming from a being so fascinated by the vast universe and its unsolved mysteries.
"Ohhh, interesting choice," I comment with curiosity. "May I ask why you think I would choose that ability?"
Daniel shrugs and responds in a casual tone:
"Well, I think time travel would open up infinite possibilities for knowledge and adventure," he explains. "Imagine being able to witness historical events firsthand or catch a glimpse of the future to guide us better. It would be amazing."
I nod slowly, surprised by his reasoning. Humans certainly have an overflowing imagination.
"Woah, I hadn't seen it that way," I admit. "Although it could also be risky, don't you think? Messing with the past or knowing too much about the future."
Daniel laughs through his mask, a metallic and distorted sound.
"Good point. I guess we'd have to be really careful with that," he concedes.
"Although it would just be a small glimpse, nothing major like changing history. What do you think, Dr. Calderón? What ability do you think Syra would choose?"
Dr. Calderón takes a moment to think about it.
"Hmm, I think you would choose to read minds," he finally responds. "It would be very useful for better understanding people in general."
My ears twitch strangely at his response.
"Wouldn't that be an invasion of privacy?"
"It depends on how the power works, I would set certain limits so it only activates in specific situations or places, for example."
I guess that makes sense, but I'm still not sure I'd want to read minds in general, knowing what people really think of you all the time doesn't seem like the best idea.
Anyway, it's time to reveal the answer I chose.
"Well, you're wrong, because I would choose to fly."
"But why?" Daniel asks me.
"Well, the idea of flying seems interesting to me, being able to move at full speed without ground traffic or gravity's obstacles seems appealing."
"That's an interesting answer," Calderón responds.
I guess I should take it well that he says it's an interesting answer.
"Alright, my turn again," I announced, taking a new card. "If you could have a supernatural ability, which would it be: flying, teleporting or mind control?"
And so we continued playing successively, for a good while.
[Time advancement: 50 minutes]
Dr. Calderón collects the game cards and carefully puts them away in his briefcase. Then, he turns towards us with a friendly smile.
"Well, I think that's it for today," he announces in a calm voice. "How was it? I hope it was a constructive experience and helped you get to know each other a little better."
I nod slowly, feeling a mix of emotions. On one hand, this "therapy" has been extremely revealing about how humans think. But on the other, I can't help but still feel some apprehension.
"It was... interesting, no doubt," I respond frankly. "I admit that some of your ideas seem quite foreign to what I'm used to. But I also recognize that it makes sense, at least from your perspective."
The Doctor nods in understanding.
"It's normal for them to seem strange at first, Syra," he says patiently. "Cultural differences run deep. But that doesn't mean they're incompatible, right? It simply requires effort from both sides to find common ground."
I ponder his words, turning to look at Daniel. He remains silent, but I notice how he watches me through the mask, as if evaluating my reaction. I can almost imagine the gears turning inside his head... peculiar, but endearing in a way.
"You're right," I finally admit. "It's just a matter of continuing to learn and understand. And for that, both sides have to keep an open mind."
I smile slightly and, in an impulsive gesture, bring my tail towards Daniel, gently coiling it around his arm. He tenses briefly but doesn't pull away.
"Don't worry," I tell him softly. "We'll get to understanding each other, you'll see."
Daniel nods stiffly, saying nothing. I can imagine his discomfort, but I hope that in time he'll understand that he doesn't have to be ashamed of his "peculiarity." At least, not with me.
At that moment, Dr. Calderón stands up from his seat.
"Well, I think that concludes today's session," he announces in an affable tone. "You can return to your rest area. And please, don't hesitate to request me if you need anything."
We nod and stand up to leave the therapy room. Once in the hallway, I give Daniel a friendly tail gesture.
We walk back to our little "suite", already familiar to us after the therapy session with Dr. Calderón. An awkward silence hangs between Daniel and me as we make our way through the station's hallways.
I feel relieved that therapy didn't turn out as terrifying as I initially feared. But at the same time, I can't help but dwell on some of the things the Doctor said. That about "letting emotions flow" and not repressing them... It's so alien to what I've experienced.
I glance sideways at Daniel, with his mask and that characteristically rigid body language. I wonder what he's thinking about it all. Does he feel comfortable with that idea of emotional and social "openness"? From what I could tell, he seems somewhat reluctant, although I suppose it's natural given his... peculiarity.
I shake my head, brushing those thoughts aside. I shouldn't judge so harshly. I'm just seeing things from my limited perspective. Maybe for humans that "openness" works better. Or maybe not. I still have a lot to learn, at least about them.
We finally reach our little "suite" and go inside. It's a cozy space, with a common living room and our two individual bedrooms on either side as always. Nothing luxurious, but at least it's private and comfortable.
I plop down heavily on the couch, letting out a slight sigh. Daniel sits at the other end, keeping his distance as usual.
"So... what do you think about all this?" I ask cautiously, moving my ears in his direction.
He shrugs, his body language denoting some discomfort.
"I don't know what to think, really," he responds frankly. "It's all so... different from what I'm used to."
I nod, fully understanding that feeling. It's like we're both exploring completely uncharted territory.
"Yeah, I get it. It's very foreign to me too," I admit. "But... do you think it could have some value? You know, that whole 'expressing emotions' thing and all that."
Daniel remains silent for a moment, as if meditating on his answer. I can almost picture the gears turning inside his human head.
"Maybe..." he finally mutters. "Although I don't know if I'm ready for something like that. It's... complicated for me, I've had therapies before, but they never really worked out, it makes me uncomfortable because it's more of a routine than anything else, a routine I thought I'd at least get a break from here, but it wasn't the case, although it makes sense, they have a neurodivergent among the program members, so I guess they wanted to make sure I'd behave."
My ears droop slightly as I sense his discomfort. I don't want to push him too much, especially on topics that seem sensitive to him.
"Hey, it's okay," I say in a softer tone. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. We'll go at your own pace, alright?"
He nods stiffly, though I notice his shoulders relaxing a little. I'm glad I can convey some reassurance.
If someone had told me I'd be reassuring a predator about his own discomfort by being so close a few months ago, I would have laughed in their faces and told them they were crazy, but here I am, telling him everything will be okay.
After a few moments of awkward silence, I decide to break the ice again.
"Hey, Daniel..." I begin slowly. "Can I ask you a question about what the Doctor said?"
He nods stiffly, barely a slight movement of his masked head.
"Sure, what do you want to know?"
I hesitate for a moment, not quite sure how to approach this without seeming intrusive.
"Well, he mentioned something about that 'diagnosis' of yours...a disorder, I think he said. Could you explain a bit more about that?" I ask cautiously. "O-only if you're comfortable with it, of course."
Daniel tenses up even more, I can almost feel his discomfort radiating from his body language. For a moment I fear I've crossed a line, but then he responds in a muted voice:
"It's... complicated to explain. Basically, my brain processes certain information differently than most people's. That makes social interactions, non-verbal language, that kind of thing difficult for me."
I nod slowly, trying to better understand his condition.
"And is that... bad?" I ask with genuine curiosity. "I mean, does it cause you problems or anything?"
He siffly shrugs.
"Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on the situation. In academics and work it's usually an advantage, because I can focus really well on logical, repetitive tasks. But socially... well, let's just say it's not my strong suit."
I observe him closely, noticing how he averts his masked gaze. I can imagine the discomfort and vulnerability he must be feeling opening up like this.
"Hey, you don't have to be ashamed, okay?" I say softly. "I think it's admirable that you can be so honest about it. Most pred- I mean, humans, would probably do everything possible to hide it, right?"
Daniel lets out a slight huff through the mask, a metallic and distorted sound that could almost be mistaken for a bitter laugh.
"Now, I guess not, but it's ironic, don't you think?" he comments with a tinge of bitterness. "In prehistoric times, someone like me might have been abandoned or devoured for not fitting in with the tribe or group.
"But now... well, it seems I might not fit in anywhere at this rate, or maybe I'm exaggerating, but sometimes I don't know what to think. Because I don't want people to see me with pity or as someone who can't fend for themselves. It's messed up, because sometimes they see you in a condescending way, like you need help with everything all the time, when that's not always the case. I want to show the world, or the universe, that I can be myself without needing anyone's help to be me, that I can make it on my own without depending on anyone..."
After an awkward silence, I decide to break the ice again.
"Hey Daniel, I understand you don't like talking much about your... peculiarity," I say carefully. "But I want you to know you don't have to be ashamed of it with me, okay? I don't think any less of you for being... well, different."
Daniel shifts in his seat, his body language still slightly rigid and tense. I can imagine the discomfort he must be feeling, and I don't like it.
"It's not that I'm ashamed, exactly," he responds with apparent caution. "It's just that... sometimes I feel like people look at me with pity, you know? Like I need help with everything, when really most of the time I can fend for myself."
I nod slowly, trying to understand his perspective. I suppose for someone like him, who's probably used to dealing with prejudices and misunderstandings about his peculiarity, it must be frustrating to be treated in a condescending way.
But this time, he breaks the silence.
"Hey... there's something that's been on my mind," he admits hesitantly. "When you said you wouldn't let anyone hurt me, it sounded like you'd gone through a similar experience."
I swallow hard, feeling a lump in my throat. So he noticed. Well, I suppose it was inevitable he'd figure it out sooner or later, considering how perceptive he seems to be.
I guess it's time for me to tell my truth.
\---------------------0
Prologue
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Spanish Version (OG Version)
submitted by TheSpace81 to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
First
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Spanish Version (OG Version)
Credits to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe.
And thanks to u/Signal-Chicken559 for proof-reading and the feedback, seriously, thank you.
Also available on Archive of Our Own
Note: There's a post on the Discord of this subreddit, so if you wanna discuss something about my story, that should be the place to go
\---------------------0
Memory Transcription Subject: Syra, Universal History Student at Brightspire and Member of the Human-Venlil Exchange Program
Date [standardized human date]: September 17, 2136
Maybe this "therapy" wouldn't be so bad after all. Perhaps they just wanted to make sure Daniel felt comfortable and supported during his stay here. I hoped that was the case, because otherwise, I wouldn't hesitate to bare my claws if necessary to protect him.
For now, I would let things flow naturally. But I would keep a close eye out, just in case. Daniel wasn't alone in this, I was here to look out for him.
[Time advancement: 10 minutes]
"...and that's more or less how I ended up here, details more, details less," Daniel finished recounting how he had arrived.
He seems satisfied with what Daniel has told so far. Good sign, I suppose. Although I still wonder what exactly this "therapy" is about.
At that, the "psychologist" gets up and walks to the back of the room. He takes some kind of portable whiteboard and places it in front of us. He then takes out a couple of markers and begins to draw a simple diagram.
"Well, Daniel, I think I have a general idea of who you are," he says as he scribbles on the whiteboard. "Now I'd like to explain my approach a bit in this session."
I frown slightly, intrigued. The Doctor draws a large circle in the center of the whiteboard and writes the word "Communication" inside it.
"You see, for me communication is the key to everything," he continues. "It's the medium through which we can express our needs and obtain what we need or desire."
I nod slowly, contemplating the diagram. It makes sense so far. The Doctor continues tracing more elements, listing some steps:
- Describe observable facts
- Emotions + Thoughts → Feelings
- NEEDS
- Expressed in the form of a request
"The first thing is to describe the observable facts objectively," he explains while pointing to step 1. "Then, express the emotions and thoughts that arise in relation to those facts. But most importantly, identify the underlying need that those emotions and thoughts reflect."
He takes another color and draws an arrow that goes from the "Needs" circle to another where he writes "Finds the common ground with the other person."
"Once the needs are identified, we can express them in the form of a request to the other person," he says. "In this way, both parties can work together to satisfy those needs in a collaborative and empathetic way."
I nod again, beginning to understand his approach. It's... interesting, to be honest. Very different from the more authoritarian and repressive approach I experienced with my sister's case. The Doctor takes a moment to study our reactions.
"I know this may seem a bit foreign to your customs, Syra," he admits in an understanding tone. "But on Earth we have learned (or we're supposed to) that repressing or denying emotions only leads to more conflicts and suffering. It's better to express them in a healthy way and seek solutions that benefit everyone."
He turns back to the whiteboard and draws another more elaborate diagram. This time, there is a kind of circle, with elongated triangles inside, Daniel explained to me in my previous chats with him, that this was called a "compass" and was used for guidance at sea (By the stars, what's wrong with these humans? Don't they see that the sea is extremely dangerous?!). This compass seemed to be surrounded by several sectors, each with the name of an emotion: joy, sadness, fear, anger, boredom, disgust, surprise.
I look at the diagram with curiosity, it's an interesting concept, although very different from what I've learned on Venlil Prime.
The Doctor points to the central circle with the word "Communication."
"As you can see, for me everything revolves around effective communication," he continues calmly. "First, we must describe the facts objectively, without judging."
I nod slowly, following his explanation. So far it makes sense.
"Then, it is crucial to identify the emotions and thoughts that those facts generate in us. We should not repress or deny them," he continues, tracing more elements on the diagram. "Those emotions and thoughts lead us to identify an underlying need."
I frown a little when I hear that. Needs... my mind goes back to the situation with my sister. Could it be that she just needed to express herself better? No, I can't think about that now.
"Once the need is identified, we can express it as a request to the other person," the Doctor draws an arrow pointing to the words "Finds the common ground." "Thus, both parties can work together to satisfy those needs in an empathetic and collaborative way."
I open my eyes in surprise. Is he suggesting that we can simply... ask for what we need? Without fear, without reprisals. It's such a foreign idea from what I experienced... But at the same time, it makes a certain sense.
The Doctor turns towards us, studying our reactions.
"I know this approach may seem strange to you Venlil," he admits with understanding. "But on Earth we learned that repressing or denying emotions only brings more conflicts. It's better to express them in a healthy way."
I swallow hard with discomfort. It's true that on Venlil Prime we are taught to keep certain emotions under control. Especially those that could be seen as... "predatory."
"Um... Excuse me, Doctor," I interject cautiously. "I understand your point, but... What about those emotions or behaviors that are considered harmful or problematic?"
The Doctor looks at me intently before responding.
"It's a very valid question, Syra. But you see, no emotion is inherently 'good' or 'bad'," he explains patiently. "Even emotions like anger or fear have a purpose and meaning. The important thing is to learn to identify them, understand them and express them appropriately."
I frown thoughtfully. Is he suggesting that even the darkest emotions have a place? It's certainly... different from what I've been taught.
"But... What if those emotions endanger others?" I insist, unable to avoid thinking of my sister. "In my culture, certain behaviors, though emotional, are seen as a 'disease'."
A heavy silence settles in the room. I can sense Daniel's discomfort by my side, though he doesn't say a word. The Doctor remains silent for a moment, did I say something wrong?
"I understand your concern, and I'm sorry for that, Syra," he finally responds. "I understand that each culture may have its own norms and values. But at least on Earth, we have learned that pathologizing or repressing certain emotions only increases suffering."
He takes a breath before continuing.
"The important thing is to find healthy ways to express and channel those intense emotions. With support, understanding and appropriate tools, no one has to resort to harm or violence."
I ponder his words carefully. It's such a different perspective... But I can't help the doubts that assail me. If my sister had had that "support" and "understanding"... would she still be alive?
At that moment, I remember what Thomas mentioned about Daniel's "diagnosis." I glance sideways at my human companion sitting beside me, who remains silent.
"Um... Doctor, if you don't mind me asking," I begin cautiously. "What exactly does that 'diagnosis' you mentioned before mean? The 'Autism Spectrum Disorder'?"
Daniel tenses visibly by my side, as if he wants to avoid that conversation. But the Doctor simply nods calmly.
"Well it's not a bad question, Syra," he responds. "Autism Spectrum Disorder is a neurodivergent condition that primarily affects the development of social skills and communication. People on the spectrum can have difficulties interpreting social cues, maintaining eye contact or understanding figurative language."
I look at Daniel with renewed interest, trying to better understand his situation. Maybe that's why it's so hard for him to socialize...
"But that doesn't mean they are 'sick' or 'deficient' people," the Doctor is quick to clarify. "They simply have a neurodivergent processing of social information. With the right supports, they can develop fully."
My gaze softens as I observe Daniel. I feel a wave of understanding toward him. All this time he has been dealing with these challenges and yet he still strives to establish bonds and learn about my culture.
"There's no need to be alarmed. As I said, the intention is not to judge or label anyone. We simply want to understand and provide the appropriate support."
I nod slowly, feeling the tension dissipate a little. Then, the Doctor takes out a deck of cards from a small briefcase he had at his side.
"In fact, would you like to play a little game? It could help us get to know each other in a more relaxed way."
I glance sideways at Daniel, not quite sure what to expect. He shrugs indifferently, as if letting me decide. Well, why not? A game could be a more pleasant way to get through this "therapy."
"Sure, let's play," I respond, giving a slight smile and gesturing with my tail.
The Doctor nods and proceeds to explain the rules of the game called "Sussed?". It doesn't seem too complicated: basically, we have to read some cards with 3 questions and 3 answer options each, choose the one that best represents us and try to guess which answer to that question the player who asked it chose.
"Sounds good," I comment as the Doctor deals the cards to each of us. "Do you want to start?"
This was the kind of board games I liked the most.
"Sure, why not?" the Doctor replied as he takes the first card. "Let's see..."
After a few moments, he chooses the card, looks at it for another moment, and the psychologist says:
"This question says: 'If you could swap bodies with anyone for a day, who would you choose?'"
I frown thoughtfully. It's an interesting question, to be honest. Who would a human want to swap bodies with?
If I were human, who would I swap bodies with?
I glance sideways at Daniel and a mischievous idea crosses my mind. What if...? No, no, that would be too daring.
But I return to the objective, to guess who the therapist would become, and then he says the options:
"And the options are:
- A). Your ideal partner;
- B). Your idol or favorite celebrity; and
- C). Your game companion (if this option, who?)"
"What do you say? Who do you think I would choose?"
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously and made a new gesture with my ears. My ideal partner? That option seemed too suggestive for a human like him. Or would it be too obvious? And what if he chose his idol to get to know them better? I didn't completely rule out the last option either.
"Hmm..." I murmured, scratching my chin. "I'd say... C? He'd swap with one of us for a day?"
Daniel shifted beside me, seeming just as intrigued by the question as I was. Doctor Calderón simply shook his head.
"Good theory, but no. My answer was B," he revealed calmly.
Well! It made sense, I suppose. Humans really do seem obsessed with their celebrities and public figures, Daniel told me they had many, many celebrations of the historical figures of each of their countries, so each "paw" or "whatever" of their year celebrated something or someone.
"I see," I nodded. "Interesting choice."
"Alright, I guess it's my turn now," Daniel cleared his throat through his mask. "Let's see... 'If you could travel through time, what era would you choose to visit?'"
That was a fairly typical question for a game like this, but it still made me think. What era would Daniel like to visit? So many possibilities...
The options Daniel mentioned were:
- A). The remote past;
- B). The future; and
- C). A golden age or key historical period.
Honestly, I'm not too sure which one he might choose. Knowing his fascination with space exploration, he might choose the future to see how civilizations evolve. But he could also be interested in some golden age from his species' remote past.
Determined to guess his answer, I risk my hunch:
"Hmm, I think you'd say... option C? A golden age or key historical period?" I suggest, moving my tail inquisitively. "That's the impression I get considering your interest in history."
Daniel takes a few moments before responding with a slight nod.
"Good intuition, Syra. I chose option C, a golden age. More specifically, the European Renaissance I told you about before, don't you remember?" he reveals in a calm tone. "It was a period of great scientific and cultural advancement for my species."
I nod, pleased to have guessed right. It's interesting how Daniel seems to value the periods of intellectual and artistic progress of his civilization, despite its apparently violent background.
"Ah, yes, you told me it was a transcendental moment for humans in areas like philosophy, the arts and knowledge in general."
"Exactly. Figures like Leonardo da Vinci, Galileo, Michelangelo and so many others laid the foundations of modern science and thought. Although there were shadows too, of course."
Doctor Calderón nods and takes notes in a small notebook he has by his side. I feel curious to learn more about this "golden age" that Daniel mentions, so I decide to ask:
"If it's okay with you, could you tell me a little more about that 'Renaissance'?" I inquire, my ears slightly raised. "I'm interested in knowing what made it so important for your species."
Daniel settles into his seat, as if preparing for a more extensive explanation. I notice how his hands, make some gestures as he speaks, something I've noticed humans often do.
"Well, the Renaissance was a cultural movement that emerged in the European region during the 15th and 16th centuries, mainly in cities like Florence, Rome and Venice," he begins to explain. "After a period known as the Middle Ages, where a somewhat more rigid and dogmatic thought predominated, the Renaissance brought a resurgence of interest in the classical ideals of ancient Greece and Rome."
I nod, trying to follow his line of thought. Humans seem to have a special fascination with those ancient cultures from their past.
"Renaissance artists and thinkers promoted a more humanistic and rational approach," Daniel continues. "Figures like Leonardo da Vinci embodied the idea of the 'Renaissance man', one who sought knowledge in various areas: art, science, engineering, philosophy, and blah, blah, blah."
"Wow, that sounds really interesting," I comment sincerely. "Could you give me some more concrete examples of the achievements of that period?"
Daniel nods and proceeds to mention some Renaissance milestones: Da Vinci's advances in anatomy and his studies on the human body, the astronomical discoveries of Galileo Galilei, artworks like the Sistine Chapel and Michelangelo's David, and the rediscovery of his species' literary classics.
"In summary, it was an era of great creative and intellectual effervescence," Daniel concludes. "Though of course there was still a long way to go."
I nod, fascinated by Daniel's description. It's admirable how his species managed to propel itself forward in those key periods, despite the difficulties and limitations they faced back then. I can't help but wonder if the Venlil will ever experience a similar awakening, at least, of thought...
At that moment, I remember we're playing "Sussed?", grab one of the cards and choose one of its questions, taking advantage of Daniel's enthusiasm for history and culture.
"Alright, my turn," I announce, taking a new card. "If you could choose one supernatural ability, what would it be?' And the options are:
- A). Flying,
- B). Mind reading or
- C). Time travel."
"What do you say? What do you think I would choose?"
Now that I think about it, what would I choose?
I would definitely choose to be able to fly.
The idea of soaring through the skies with total freedom seems incredibly appealing to me. I imagine how exciting it would be to explore Venlil Prime's landscapes from the heights, without restrictions.
Daniel remains silent for a few moments, as if carefully analyzing the options. I can imagine the gears turning inside that peculiar human head of his. Finally, he responds:
"Time travel."
Time travel? I didn't expect that. I suppose it makes sense coming from a being so fascinated by the vast universe and its unsolved mysteries.
"Ohhh, interesting choice," I comment with curiosity. "May I ask why you think I would choose that ability?"
Daniel shrugs and responds in a casual tone:
"Well, I think time travel would open up infinite possibilities for knowledge and adventure," he explains. "Imagine being able to witness historical events firsthand or catch a glimpse of the future to guide us better. It would be amazing."
I nod slowly, surprised by his reasoning. Humans certainly have an overflowing imagination.
"Woah, I hadn't seen it that way," I admit. "Although it could also be risky, don't you think? Messing with the past or knowing too much about the future."
Daniel laughs through his mask, a metallic and distorted sound.
"Good point. I guess we'd have to be really careful with that," he concedes.
"Although it would just be a small glimpse, nothing major like changing history. What do you think, Dr. Calderón? What ability do you think Syra would choose?"
Dr. Calderón takes a moment to think about it.
"Hmm, I think you would choose to read minds," he finally responds. "It would be very useful for better understanding people in general."
My ears twitch strangely at his response.
"Wouldn't that be an invasion of privacy?"
"It depends on how the power works, I would set certain limits so it only activates in specific situations or places, for example."
I guess that makes sense, but I'm still not sure I'd want to read minds in general, knowing what people really think of you all the time doesn't seem like the best idea.
Anyway, it's time to reveal the answer I chose.
"Well, you're wrong, because I would choose to fly."
"But why?" Daniel asks me.
"Well, the idea of flying seems interesting to me, being able to move at full speed without ground traffic or gravity's obstacles seems appealing."
"That's an interesting answer," Calderón responds.
I guess I should take it well that he says it's an interesting answer.
"Alright, my turn again," I announced, taking a new card. "If you could have a supernatural ability, which would it be: flying, teleporting or mind control?"
And so we continued playing successively, for a good while.
[Time advancement: 50 minutes]
Dr. Calderón collects the game cards and carefully puts them away in his briefcase. Then, he turns towards us with a friendly smile.
"Well, I think that's it for today," he announces in a calm voice. "How was it? I hope it was a constructive experience and helped you get to know each other a little better."
I nod slowly, feeling a mix of emotions. On one hand, this "therapy" has been extremely revealing about how humans think. But on the other, I can't help but still feel some apprehension.
"It was... interesting, no doubt," I respond frankly. "I admit that some of your ideas seem quite foreign to what I'm used to. But I also recognize that it makes sense, at least from your perspective."
The Doctor nods in understanding.
"It's normal for them to seem strange at first, Syra," he says patiently. "Cultural differences run deep. But that doesn't mean they're incompatible, right? It simply requires effort from both sides to find common ground."
I ponder his words, turning to look at Daniel. He remains silent, but I notice how he watches me through the mask, as if evaluating my reaction. I can almost imagine the gears turning inside his head... peculiar, but endearing in a way.
"You're right," I finally admit. "It's just a matter of continuing to learn and understand. And for that, both sides have to keep an open mind."
I smile slightly and, in an impulsive gesture, bring my tail towards Daniel, gently coiling it around his arm. He tenses briefly but doesn't pull away.
"Don't worry," I tell him softly. "We'll get to understanding each other, you'll see."
Daniel nods stiffly, saying nothing. I can imagine his discomfort, but I hope that in time he'll understand that he doesn't have to be ashamed of his "peculiarity." At least, not with me.
At that moment, Dr. Calderón stands up from his seat.
"Well, I think that concludes today's session," he announces in an affable tone. "You can return to your rest area. And please, don't hesitate to request me if you need anything."
We nod and stand up to leave the therapy room. Once in the hallway, I give Daniel a friendly tail gesture.
We walk back to our little "suite", already familiar to us after the therapy session with Dr. Calderón. An awkward silence hangs between Daniel and me as we make our way through the station's hallways.
I feel relieved that therapy didn't turn out as terrifying as I initially feared. But at the same time, I can't help but dwell on some of the things the Doctor said. That about "letting emotions flow" and not repressing them... It's so alien to what I've experienced.
I glance sideways at Daniel, with his mask and that characteristically rigid body language. I wonder what he's thinking about it all. Does he feel comfortable with that idea of emotional and social "openness"? From what I could tell, he seems somewhat reluctant, although I suppose it's natural given his... peculiarity.
I shake my head, brushing those thoughts aside. I shouldn't judge so harshly. I'm just seeing things from my limited perspective. Maybe for humans that "openness" works better. Or maybe not. I still have a lot to learn, at least about them.
We finally reach our little "suite" and go inside. It's a cozy space, with a common living room and our two individual bedrooms on either side as always. Nothing luxurious, but at least it's private and comfortable.
I plop down heavily on the couch, letting out a slight sigh. Daniel sits at the other end, keeping his distance as usual.
"So... what do you think about all this?" I ask cautiously, moving my ears in his direction.
He shrugs, his body language denoting some discomfort.
"I don't know what to think, really," he responds frankly. "It's all so... different from what I'm used to."
I nod, fully understanding that feeling. It's like we're both exploring completely uncharted territory.
"Yeah, I get it. It's very foreign to me too," I admit. "But... do you think it could have some value? You know, that whole 'expressing emotions' thing and all that."
Daniel remains silent for a moment, as if meditating on his answer. I can almost picture the gears turning inside his human head.
"Maybe..." he finally mutters. "Although I don't know if I'm ready for something like that. It's... complicated for me, I've had therapies before, but they never really worked out, it makes me uncomfortable because it's more of a routine than anything else, a routine I thought I'd at least get a break from here, but it wasn't the case, although it makes sense, they have a neurodivergent among the program members, so I guess they wanted to make sure I'd behave."
My ears droop slightly as I sense his discomfort. I don't want to push him too much, especially on topics that seem sensitive to him.
"Hey, it's okay," I say in a softer tone. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. We'll go at your own pace, alright?"
He nods stiffly, though I notice his shoulders relaxing a little. I'm glad I can convey some reassurance.
If someone had told me I'd be reassuring a predator about his own discomfort by being so close a few months ago, I would have laughed in their faces and told them they were crazy, but here I am, telling him everything will be okay.
After a few moments of awkward silence, I decide to break the ice again.
"Hey, Daniel..." I begin slowly. "Can I ask you a question about what the Doctor said?"
He nods stiffly, barely a slight movement of his masked head.
"Sure, what do you want to know?"
I hesitate for a moment, not quite sure how to approach this without seeming intrusive.
"Well, he mentioned something about that 'diagnosis' of yours...a disorder, I think he said. Could you explain a bit more about that?" I ask cautiously. "O-only if you're comfortable with it, of course."
Daniel tenses up even more, I can almost feel his discomfort radiating from his body language. For a moment I fear I've crossed a line, but then he responds in a muted voice:
"It's... complicated to explain. Basically, my brain processes certain information differently than most people's. That makes social interactions, non-verbal language, that kind of thing difficult for me."
I nod slowly, trying to better understand his condition.
"And is that... bad?" I ask with genuine curiosity. "I mean, does it cause you problems or anything?"
He siffly shrugs.
"Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on the situation. In academics and work it's usually an advantage, because I can focus really well on logical, repetitive tasks. But socially... well, let's just say it's not my strong suit."
I observe him closely, noticing how he averts his masked gaze. I can imagine the discomfort and vulnerability he must be feeling opening up like this.
"Hey, you don't have to be ashamed, okay?" I say softly. "I think it's admirable that you can be so honest about it. Most pred- I mean, humans, would probably do everything possible to hide it, right?"
Daniel lets out a slight huff through the mask, a metallic and distorted sound that could almost be mistaken for a bitter laugh.
"Now, I guess not, but it's ironic, don't you think?" he comments with a tinge of bitterness. "In prehistoric times, someone like me might have been abandoned or devoured for not fitting in with the tribe or group.
"But now... well, it seems I might not fit in anywhere at this rate, or maybe I'm exaggerating, but sometimes I don't know what to think. Because I don't want people to see me with pity or as someone who can't fend for themselves. It's messed up, because sometimes they see you in a condescending way, like you need help with everything all the time, when that's not always the case. I want to show the world, or the universe, that I can be myself without needing anyone's help to be me, that I can make it on my own without depending on anyone..."
After an awkward silence, I decide to break the ice again.
"Hey Daniel, I understand you don't like talking much about your... peculiarity," I say carefully. "But I want you to know you don't have to be ashamed of it with me, okay? I don't think any less of you for being... well, different."
Daniel shifts in his seat, his body language still slightly rigid and tense. I can imagine the discomfort he must be feeling, and I don't like it.
"It's not that I'm ashamed, exactly," he responds with apparent caution. "It's just that... sometimes I feel like people look at me with pity, you know? Like I need help with everything, when really most of the time I can fend for myself."
I nod slowly, trying to understand his perspective. I suppose for someone like him, who's probably used to dealing with prejudices and misunderstandings about his peculiarity, it must be frustrating to be treated in a condescending way.
But this time, he breaks the silence.
"Hey... there's something that's been on my mind," he admits hesitantly. "When you said you wouldn't let anyone hurt me, it sounded like you'd gone through a similar experience."
I swallow hard, feeling a lump in my throat. So he noticed. Well, I suppose it was inevitable he'd figure it out sooner or later, considering how perceptive he seems to be.
I guess it's time for me to tell my truth.
\---------------------0
Prologue
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American Beauty (1999) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6
Amsterdam (2022) (MA/HD) $4.75
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013) (Vudu/HD) $2.75 (iTunes/HD) $2
Angel Heart (1987) (Vudu/4K) $5.75
Angry Birds Movie (2016) (MA/HD) $3.50
Annabelle (2014) (MA/4K) $6.50
Annie (1982) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $5.50
Annie (2014) (MA/HD) $2.50
Annihilation (2018) (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Antebellum (2020) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Antlers (2021) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3.50
Apollo 13 (1995) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Aristocats (1970) (MA/HD) $6.50
Arrival (2016) (Vudu/4K) $6.75 (Vudu/HD) $2 (iTunes/4K) $4
Art of Self-Defense (2019) (MA/HD) $5.75
Assassination Nation (2018) (MA/HD) $4.25
Assassin's Creed (2016) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2
Asteroid City (2023) (MA/HD) $6
Avengers (2012) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $3.50
Avengers Collection 1-4 (MA/HD) $20 (GP/HD) $7.75
Avengers: Infinity War (2018) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1
Babylon (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $7.50
Bad Boys Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $12
Barbie (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Batman, The (2022) (MA/4K) $4
Beast (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Beauty and the Beast (2017) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2
Beirut (2018) (MA/HD) $4
Belly (1998) (Vudu/4K) $3.75
Better Off Dead (1985) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6.50
BFG, The (2016) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3
Big George Foreman (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Billy Elliot (2000) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.25
Birdman (2014) (MA/HD) $4.50
Birds of Prey (2020) (MA/4K) $3 (MA/HD) $1.50
Black Adam (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50
Black Adam (2022) (MA/HD) $2.50
Black Phone, The (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50
Blacklight (2022) (MA/HD) $3.50
Blue Beetle (2023) (MA/HD) $6.50
Bond: Skyfall (2012) (Vudu/HD) $1
Bonnie & Clyde: Mini-Series (2013) (Vudu/HD) $8
Book Club (2018) (iTunes/4K) $1
Book Club: The Next Chapter (2023) (MA/HD) $5.25
Booksmart (2019) (MA/HD) $5.25
Boss Baby (2017) & Family Business (2021) (MA/HD) $5.50
Bourne Collection 1-5 (MA/4K) $25 (iTunes/4K) $18 (MA/HD) $14
Bourne Identity (2002) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $3
Bourne Legacy (2012) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $3
Bourne Supremacy (2004) (MA/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $3
Bourne Ultimatum (2007) (iTunes/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $4
Boxtrolls, The (2014) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Boy, The (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.50
Brave (2012) (MA/4K) $8 (iTunes/4K) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.50
Braveheart (1995) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6 (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Bring It On: Worldwide #Cheersmack (2017) (MA/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/HD) $1.25
Bullet Train (2022) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3.50
Bumblebee (2018) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $2
Bye Bye Man (Unrated) (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.50
Calvary (2014) (MA/HD) $5
Captain Marvel (2019) (MA/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Casino (1995) (MA/4K) $6.50
Casino Royale (2006) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Casper (1995) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.75
Cats (2019) (MA/HD) $4.25
Change-Up, The (2011) (Unrated) (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5.50
Chaplin (1992) (Vudu/HD) $5
Chappie (2015) (MA/HD) $3.75
Chasing Mavericks (2012) (MA/HD) $5
Chicago (2002) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Choice, The (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Chronicle (2012) (MA/HD) $4
Chronicles of Riddick (Unrated Director's Cut) (2004) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5
Cinderella (2015) (MA/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Citizenfour (2014) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
City of Lies (2018) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Clerks III (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $3.50
Cloverfield (2008) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Coal Miner's Daughter (1980) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Cocaine Bear (2023) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $5.50
Coco (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $2.25
Cold Pursuit (2019) (Vudu/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Coming to America (1988) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Conversation, The (1974) (Vudu/HD) $5
Courier, The (2021) (Vudu/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Cowboys and Aliens (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.50
Crawl (2019) (Vudu/HD) $3 (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Creed III (2023) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (Vudu/HD) $3
Croods (2013) & A New Age (2020) (MA/HD) $6.25
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2001) (MA/4K) $6.50
Darkest Hour (2017) (MA/HD) $3
DC League of Super-Pets (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50
Dear Evan Hansen (2021) (MA/HD) $3.75
Death on the Nile (2022) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Deepwater Horizon (2016) (Vudu/4K) $4.75 (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Dentist Collection 1-2 (1996-1998) (Vudu/HD) $5
Despicable Me Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $12.50
Detective Knight: Redemption (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Devotion (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (2012) (MA/HD) $3.75
Die Hard 1-5 (MA/HD) $15
Do the Right Thing (1989) (MA/4K) $5.75
Doctor Strange (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $4 (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.75
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022) (MA/HD) $2.75 (GP/HD) $2
Downton Abbey: A New Era (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75
Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who (2008) (MA/HD) $5.50
Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (2012) (MA/HD) $3 (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Dragonheart Collection 1-5 (MA/HD) $14
Dumb Money (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Dumbo (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $2.50
Dying of the Light (2014) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3
Early Man (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Edward Scissorhands (1990) (MA/HD) $3
El Chicano (2019) (MA/HD) $4.75
Elemental (2023) (MA/HD) $5.75
Elvis (2022) (MA/4K) $5
Elysium (2013) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3
Encanto (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) (GP/HD) $3.50
Ender's Game (2013) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Enough Said (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Equalizer (2014) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $4
Equalizer 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4
Equalizer 3 (2023) (MA/HD) $5.75
Escape Plan: The Extractors (2019) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Everest (2015) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3 (iTunes/4K) $4
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) (Vudu/4K) $6.50
Evil Dead Rise (2023) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.50
Ex Machina (2015) (Vudu/4K) $6.25 (Vudu/HD) $3
Exorcist: Believer (2023) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $6.50
Expendables 1-3 (Vudu/4K) $15 (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Fabelmans (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Fall (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6
Far from the Madding Crowd (2015) (MA/HD) $5.50
Fast & Furious Collection 1-10 (MA/4K) $28
Fast & Furious Collection 1-8 (MA/4K) $23 1-9 (MA/HD) $10
Fast X (2023) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Father Stu (2022) (MA/HD) $5.25
Fatherhood (2021) (MA/HD) $3.50
Fifth Element (1997) (MA/HD) $5.50
Fifty Shades of Grey 3-Movie + Unrated (MA/HD) $9.75
Finding Dory (2016) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.25
Finding Nemo (2003) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3
Finest Hours, The (2016) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $3.75
Five Nights at Freddy's (2023) (MA/HD) $6.50
Flash, The (2023) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5
Flight (2012) (Vudu/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/HD) $3
Flushed Away (2006) (MA/HD) $6.50
Ford v Ferrari (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
Fox and the Hound 2, The (2006) (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.75
Free Guy (2021) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
Fright Night (1985) (MA/4K) $5.75
Frozen 2 (2019) (MA/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Frozen Sing-Along Edition (2014) (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.50
Gattaca (1997) (MA/4K) $6.25
Get on Up (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Get Out (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ghost In The Shell (2017) (Vudu/4K) $6.25 (Vudu/HD) $2.25 (iTunes/4K) $2.75
Ghostbusters II (1989) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) (MA/HD) $3.50
Girl In The Spider's Web (2018) (MA/HD) $4
Girls Trip (2017) (MA/HD) $1.50 (iTunes/HD) $1
Godfather (1972) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Godfather Trilogy (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $14
Gone Baby Gone (2007) (Vudu/HD) $6
Good Boys (2019) (MA/HD) $3.75
Good Dinosaur (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $2.75
Good Will Hunting (1997) (Vudu/HD) $5
Gotti (2018) (Vudu/HD) $3
Gran Turismo (2023) (MA/HD) $5
Grease (1978), 2 (1982), Live! (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $14
Great Wall (2016) (MA/HD) $2.50
Greatest Showman (2017) (MA/HD) $2.25
Green Book (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
Hacksaw Ridge (2016) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Hail, Caesar! (2016) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2
Halloween (2018) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3.75
Halloween Kills (2021) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Happy Death Day (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Hate U Give (2018) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Hellboy (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.25
Hercules (1997) (MA/HD) $6.50
Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2021) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Hocus Pocus (1993) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
Home (2015) (MA/HD) $2
Home Alone (1990) (MA/HD) $3.50
Home Alone Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $6.50
Hotel Mumbai (2019) (MA/HD) $4.25
Hotel Transylvania Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $16
House of 1,000 Corpses (2003), Devil's Rejects (2005), 3 From Hell (2019) (Vudu/HD) $6
House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014) (MA/HD) $2
How to Train Your Dragon Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $7.50
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2019) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.75
Hugo (2011) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Hunchback of Notre Dame II (2002) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Hunger Games Collection 1-4 (Vudu/HD) $6
Hunter Killer (2018) (Vudu/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Huntsman: Winter's War - Extended Edition (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Ice Age Collection 1-5 (MA/SD) $16
Ice Age: A Mammoth Christmas (2011) (MA/HD) $5.25
Ice Age: Collision Course (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3.75
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (2009) (MA/HD) $5.25
Imitation Game, The (2014) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Immortal Life Of Henrietta Lacks (2017) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Incredibles 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2
Independence Day (1996) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.25
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023) (MA/HD) $6
Indiana Jones Collection 1-4 (Vudu/4K) $24 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $20
Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete (2013) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Inside Llewyn Davis (2013) (MA/HD) $6
Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $6.50
Insidious: The Red Door (2023) (MA/HD) $5.25
Instant Family (2018) (Vudu/HD) $2 (iTunes/4K) $1.50
Internship (2013) (MA/HD) $2.75
Intruder (2019) (MA/HD) $6
Invisible Man (2020) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.75
Iron Man 1-3 (iTunes/4K) $16 (GP/HD) $7.50
Iron Man 2 (2010) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3
Irresistible (2020) (MA/HD) $5.25
It Comes at Night (2017) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
It Follows (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
It's a Wonderful Life (1946) (Vudu/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Jack and Jill (2011) (MA/HD) $3.50
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Jackie (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4
Jaws (1975) Jaws 2 (1978) Jaws 3 (1983) Jaws: The Revenge (1987) (MA/HD) $15.50
Jay & Silent Bob Reboot (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5
JOBS (2013) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
John Wick Collection 1-3 (Vudu/4K) $16 (iTunes/4K) $14.50 (Vudu/HD) $8
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4
Jumanji: Next Level (2019) & Welcome to the Jungle (2017) (MA/HD) $7
Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle (2017) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $2 (MA/SD) $1
Jungle Book (1967) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $4
Jurassic Park (1993) (MA/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.75
Jurassic Park III (2001) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Jurassic World (2015) (MA/4K) $4.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.50
Jurassic World Collection 1-5 (iTunes/4K) $17.50 (MA/HD) $8.50
Jurassic World Collection 1-6 (MA/HD) $11
Jurassic World: Dominion + Extended Cut (2022) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.75
Justice League: War World (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Kandahar (2023) (MA/4K) $7
Katy Perry: Part of Me (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Keeping Up with the Joneses (2016) (MA/HD) $3.50
Kick-Ass 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25 (iTunes/HD) $5
Kid Who Would Be King (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) (Vudu/HD) $6.75
Kimi (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75
King of Staten Island (2020) (MA/HD) $4.50
Last Night in Soho (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5
Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $7
Lee Daniels' The Butler (2013) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Les Miserables (1998) (MA/HD) $6.75
Let Him Go (2020) (MA/HD) $5
Let's Be Cops (2014) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Life of Pi (2012) (MA/HD) $2.50
Lightyear (2022) (MA/4K) $4.75 (MA/HD) $2.50 (GP/HD) $1.75
Lion (2016) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Lion King (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $4 (GP/HD) $1.25
Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea (2000) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Logan (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Long Shot (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.25
Lost City, The (2022) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5
Luca (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $3.25
Lucy (2014) (MA/HD) $2
Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (2022) (MA/HD) $4.25
M3GAN + Unrated (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (2012) (MA/HD) $2
Madagascar Collection 1-4 (MA/HD) $15
Magnificent Seven (2016) (Vudu/HD) $2
Maleficent (2014) (MA/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3 (GP/HD) $1.25
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50
Man Who Invented Christmas (2017) (MA/HD) $6
Marlowe (2023) (MA/HD) $6.50
Marshall (2017) (MA/HD) $4.50
Mary Poppins (1964) (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $2.75
Mary Poppins Returns (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2
Maze Runner Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $14.50
Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018) (MA/HD) $5.50
Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.75
Mechanic: Resurrection (2016) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Meg 2: The Trench (2023) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5
Meg Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $8.50
Megan Leavey (2017) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Memory (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75
Men (2022) (Vudu/HD) $5
Men in Black Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $14.50
Mickey & Friends 10 Classic Shorts - Volume 2 (2023) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $5
Mickey & Minnie 10 Classic Shorts - Volume 1 (2023) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.75
Mile 22 (2018) (iTunes/4K) $1.75
Mile 22 (2018) (Vudu/4K) $7
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) & Minions (2015) (MA/HD) $7.25
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5
Miracles From Heaven (2016) (MA/HD) $4
Missing Link (2019) (MA/HD) $5
Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $7
Mission: Impossible Collection 1-6 (iTunes/4K) $20 (Vudu/HD) $18
Molly's Game (2017) (iTunes/HD) $2
Moneyball (2011) (MA/HD) $2.50
Monsters, Inc. (2001) (GP/HD) $5
Monuments Men (2014) (MA/HD) $2
Moonfall (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Moonlight (2016) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Morbius (2022) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3
Mortal Kombat Legends: Cage Match (2023) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5.50
Mother's Day (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014) (MA/HD) $3.50
Much Ado About Nothing (2013) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Mulan (2020) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2.25
Muppets Most Wanted (2014) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $4.25
Murder on The Orient Express (2017) (MA/HD) $2.50
My All American (2015) (MA/HD) $5 (iTunes/HD) $4
My Little Pony: The Movie (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Nebraska (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Night at the Museum 3-Movie (MA/HD) $11.50 (MA/SD) $8
Night House, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3
Night School (Extended Cut) (2018) (MA/HD) $4.25
Nightmare Alley (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
No Hard Feelings (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Nobody (2021) (MA/HD) $5
Non-Stop (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Nope (2022), Get Out (2017) & Us (2019) (MA/HD) $9
Norm of the North (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Northman (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.75
Nun 2 (2023) (MA/HD) $6
Office Christmas Party (2016) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Olaf's Frozen Adventure Plus 6 Disney Tales (2017) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
One Direction: This is Us + Extended Fan Edition (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25
Onward (2020) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2
Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7
Oppenheimer (2023) (MA/HD) $7
Oranges, The (2011) (MA/HD) $4.50
Ouija (2014) & Origin of Evil (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $8
Outfit (2022) (MA/HD) $7
Overlord (2018) (Vudu/4K) $4.50 (Vudu/HD) $2.75 (iTunes/4K) $4
Paper Towns (2011) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25
Passengers (2016) (MA/HD) $2.25
Paterno (2018) (iTunes/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $2.75
PAW Patrol: The Mighty Movie (2023) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Peanuts Movie (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Penguins of Madagascar (2014) (MA/HD) $2.75
Perfect Guy (2015) (MA/HD) $3.50
Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) (Vudu/HD) $1.75
Pet Sematary (1989) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) $4 (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Peter Pan: Return to Neverland (2002) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $4.50
Peter Rabbit (2018) & 2 (2021) (MA/HD) $7.50
Phantom Thread (2017) (MA/HD) $3.75
Philomena (2013) (Vudu/HD) $2
Pinocchio (1940) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.75
Pirate Fairy (2014) (MA/HD) $3.25
Pitch Perfect (2012) (MA/HD) $2.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.50
Pitch Perfect 2 (2015) (MA/HD) $2.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.50
Pitch Perfect Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $11.50
Pixar Short Films Collection, Vol. 3 (2018) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.25
Plane (2023) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Planes: Fire & Rescue (2014) (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2
Planet of the Apes 1-3 (Newer) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $9
Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World (1998) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.25
Poltergeist (Extended Cut) (2015) (MA/HD) $5
Pope's Exorcist (2023) (MA/HD) $5.75
Prey for the Devil (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Priceless (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Prodigy (2019) (Vudu/HD) $5
Pulp Fiction (1994) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (Vudu/HD) $4
Purge: Anarchy (2014) (MA/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25
Purge: Election Year (2016) (MA/4K $5.25 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Puss in Boots (2011) & The Last Wish (2022) (MA/HD) $10.50
Queen & Slim (2019) (MA/HD) $4.25
Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Rambo Collection 1-5 (Vudu/HD) $12.50
Rambo Last Blood (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $2.75
Raya and the Last Dragon (2021) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Red 2 (2013) (Vudu/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.25 (Vudu/HD) $1.50
Rescuers Down Under (1990) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $4
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021) (MA/HD) $4.25
Riddick - Unrated Director's Cut (2013) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Riddick Collection 1-3 (Unrated) (MA/HD) $13.50
Ride Along 1-2 (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5 $2.75 Each
Robin Hood (2018) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Rock Dog (2016) (Vudu/HD) $4
Roman J. Israel, Esq. (2017) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ron's Gone Wrong (2021) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
Rough Night (2017) (MA/HD) $4
Rumble (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Safe (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Safe House (2012) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Samson (2018) (MA/HD) $3.75
Santa Clause (1994), 2 (2002), 3 (2006) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $10.50 (GP/HD) $6.50
Saving Mr. Banks (2013) (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $2.50
Saw Collection 1-7 (Vudu/HD) $9.75
Scary Movie 3 (2003) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Scary Movie Collection 1-3 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $13.50
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $3
Scoob (2020) (MA/4K) $3.25
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010) (MA/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $5
Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Scream (1996) (Vudu/4K) $6
Scream 5 (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5
Scream 6 (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6.50
Scream Collection 1-3 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $13.50
Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2015) (MA/HD) $3.75
Secret Headquarters (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Secret Life of Pets Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $7.25
Secret Life of Pets, The (2016) (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.75
Serenity (2005) (MA/HD) $3.50
Shallows, The (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD $3.50
Shark Tale (2000) (MA/HD) $5.25
Sick (2023) (MA/4K) $6.75
Silent Night, Deadly Night: 3-Film Collection (1989-1991) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (2007) (MA/HD) $6.50
Sing (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Sing Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $6
Sinister (2012) (Vudu/HD) $3 (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Smile (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6.25
Smurfs 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Snake Eyes (2021) (Vudu/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4
Snowpiercer (2013) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022) (Vudu/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Sorry to Bother You (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
Speed (1994) (MA/4K) $5.25
Spider-Man Collection 1-8 (MA/HD) $26
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse (2018) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $5.50
Split (2017) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4.75 (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Star Trek Collection 1-3 (Vudu/HD) $9.50 (iTunes/4K) $13.50
Strange World (2022) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $4.25
Stronger (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Studio 666 (2022) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $6.25
Sum of All Fears, The (2002) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.25
Super Mario Bros Movie (2023) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $5.50
Super Troopers 2 (2018) (MA/HD) $3
Superman: Red Son (2020) (MA/HD) $3.50
Survive the Night (2020) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
SW: Force Awakens (2015) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1
SW: Last Jedi (2017) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1
SW: Phantom Menace (1999) (MA/4K) $7.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Return of the Jedi (1983) (MA/4K) $7.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) (iTunes/4K) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Taken Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $9
Talk to Me (2023) (Vudu/4K) $6.50
Tangled (2010) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3.50
Tar (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6.50
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.50
Terminator: Genisys (2015) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3
Terms of Endearment (1983) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.25
Thanksgiving (2023) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
This Is The End (2013) (MA/HD) $4.50
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2
Thor: The Dark World (2013) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.25
Ticket to Paradise (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Till (2022) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast (2014) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.75
To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Top Five (2014) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Tower Heist (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.75
Trainwreck (2015) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $1.50
Transformers 1-5 (Vudu/4K) $25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $23
Transformers: Last Knight (2017) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (iTunes/4K) $2 (Vudu/HD) $1.75
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6
Trolls Band Together (2023) (MA/HD) $6.50
Trolls Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $5.75
Trolls World Tour (2020) (MA/HD) $5.25
Truth Or Dare (Unrated) (2018) (MA/HD) $5
Turning Red (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.50
Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.75
Unbroken (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Uncharted (2022) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.25
Unholy, The (2021) (MA/HD) $7
Untouchables, The (1987) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Up in Smoke ‘Cheech and Chong’ (1978) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Upgrade (2018) (MA/HD) $7
Upside, The (2017) (iTunes/HD) $2
Us (2019) (MA/HD) $4.75
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Venom (2005) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Venom (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4
Vice (2015) 'Bruce Willis' (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Victoria & Abdul (2017) (MA/HD) $5.25
Violent Night (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Walk, The (2015) (MA/HD) $4.25
Warcraft (2016) (MA/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.25
Warm Bodies (2013) (iTunes/4K) $2.50 (Vudu/HD) $2
Waterworld (1995) (MA/HD) $5.50
Way, Way Back, The (2013) (MA/HD) $4.75
West Side Story (2021) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) (GP/HD) $2.50
Whale, The (2022) (Vudu/HD) $6
What Men Want (2019) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $1.25
What to Expect When You're Expecting (2012) (Vudu/HD) $2
When the Game Stands Tall (2014) (MA/HD) $4.25
Where the Crawdads Sing (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (2016) (iTunes/HD) $2
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) (MA/4K) $6.50 (GP/HD) $4
Why Him? (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2
Wild Card (2015) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Wind River (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
Wings (1927) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year (2002) (MA/HD) $6.25
Wizard of Lies (2017) (iTunes/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $3
Wolf of Wall Street (2013) (Vudu/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $4 (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Woman in Black (MA/HD) (2012) $4.75
Woman in Gold (2015) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
Woman King (2022) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4
Wonder (2017) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
Wonder Woman: Bloodlines (2019) (MA/HD) $3
Won't Back Down (2012) (MA/HD) $4
X (2022), Hereditary (2018), Witch, The (2016), Green Room (2015), It Comes at Night (2017) (Vudu/HD) $14
X-Men (2000) (MA/HD) $6
X-Men (2000), X2 (2003), X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) (MA/HD) $14
X-Men: Days of Future Past (2004) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50 Rogue Cut (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5
X-Men: First Class (2010), Days of Future Past (2004), Apocalypse (2014) (MA/HD) $10.50
Young Adult (2011) (Vudu/HD) $6
Zero Dark Thirty (2012) (MA/HD) $2.75
submitted by wtfwafflezor to DigitalCodeSELL [link] [comments]
Disney/Marvel titles are split codes. Only redeem what you pay for. Thank you.
10 Cloverfield Lane (2016) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
21 Bridges (2019) (iTunes/4K) $3
355, The (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
47 Ronin (2013) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (MA/HD) $3.50
65 (2023) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5
A Cure for Wellness (2017) (MA/HD) $4
A Dog's Purpose (2017) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2.50
A Dog's Way Home (2019) (MA/HD) $4.25
A Man Called Otto (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
A Quiet Place Part II (2020) (Vudu/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) (MA/HD) $3.75
Action Point (2018) (Vudu/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/4K) $1.50
Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949) (MA/HD) $5.50
After (2019) (MA/HD) $5.50
After Earth (2013) (MA/HD) $2.25
Aladdin (1992) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2.25
Aladdin (2019) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Alien (1979) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5
Alien 3 (1992) (MA/HD) $5.50
Alien Collection 1-6 (MA/HD) $19.50
Alita: Battle Angel (2019) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3.25
All is Lost (2013) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Allied (2016) (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Almost Christmas (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5
Alpha (2018) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ambulance (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75
American Beauty (1999) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6
Amsterdam (2022) (MA/HD) $4.75
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013) (Vudu/HD) $2.75 (iTunes/HD) $2
Angel Heart (1987) (Vudu/4K) $5.75
Angry Birds Movie (2016) (MA/HD) $3.50
Annabelle (2014) (MA/4K) $6.50
Annie (1982) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $5.50
Annie (2014) (MA/HD) $2.50
Annihilation (2018) (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Antebellum (2020) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Antlers (2021) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3.50
Apollo 13 (1995) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Aristocats (1970) (MA/HD) $6.50
Arrival (2016) (Vudu/4K) $6.75 (Vudu/HD) $2 (iTunes/4K) $4
Art of Self-Defense (2019) (MA/HD) $5.75
Assassination Nation (2018) (MA/HD) $4.25
Assassin's Creed (2016) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2
Asteroid City (2023) (MA/HD) $6
Avengers (2012) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $3.50
Avengers Collection 1-4 (MA/HD) $20 (GP/HD) $7.75
Avengers: Infinity War (2018) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1
Babylon (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $7.50
Bad Boys Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $12
Barbie (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Batman, The (2022) (MA/4K) $4
Beast (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Beauty and the Beast (2017) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2
Beirut (2018) (MA/HD) $4
Belly (1998) (Vudu/4K) $3.75
Better Off Dead (1985) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6.50
BFG, The (2016) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3
Big George Foreman (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Billy Elliot (2000) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.25
Birdman (2014) (MA/HD) $4.50
Birds of Prey (2020) (MA/4K) $3 (MA/HD) $1.50
Black Adam (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50
Black Adam (2022) (MA/HD) $2.50
Black Phone, The (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50
Blacklight (2022) (MA/HD) $3.50
Blue Beetle (2023) (MA/HD) $6.50
Bond: Skyfall (2012) (Vudu/HD) $1
Bonnie & Clyde: Mini-Series (2013) (Vudu/HD) $8
Book Club (2018) (iTunes/4K) $1
Book Club: The Next Chapter (2023) (MA/HD) $5.25
Booksmart (2019) (MA/HD) $5.25
Boss Baby (2017) & Family Business (2021) (MA/HD) $5.50
Bourne Collection 1-5 (MA/4K) $25 (iTunes/4K) $18 (MA/HD) $14
Bourne Identity (2002) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $3
Bourne Legacy (2012) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $3
Bourne Supremacy (2004) (MA/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $3
Bourne Ultimatum (2007) (iTunes/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $4
Boxtrolls, The (2014) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Boy, The (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.50
Brave (2012) (MA/4K) $8 (iTunes/4K) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.50
Braveheart (1995) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6 (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Bring It On: Worldwide #Cheersmack (2017) (MA/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/HD) $1.25
Bullet Train (2022) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3.50
Bumblebee (2018) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $2
Bye Bye Man (Unrated) (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.50
Calvary (2014) (MA/HD) $5
Captain Marvel (2019) (MA/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Casino (1995) (MA/4K) $6.50
Casino Royale (2006) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Casper (1995) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.75
Cats (2019) (MA/HD) $4.25
Change-Up, The (2011) (Unrated) (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5.50
Chaplin (1992) (Vudu/HD) $5
Chappie (2015) (MA/HD) $3.75
Chasing Mavericks (2012) (MA/HD) $5
Chicago (2002) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Choice, The (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Chronicle (2012) (MA/HD) $4
Chronicles of Riddick (Unrated Director's Cut) (2004) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5
Cinderella (2015) (MA/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Citizenfour (2014) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
City of Lies (2018) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Clerks III (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $3.50
Cloverfield (2008) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Coal Miner's Daughter (1980) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Cocaine Bear (2023) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $5.50
Coco (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $2.25
Cold Pursuit (2019) (Vudu/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Coming to America (1988) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Conversation, The (1974) (Vudu/HD) $5
Courier, The (2021) (Vudu/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Cowboys and Aliens (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.50
Crawl (2019) (Vudu/HD) $3 (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Creed III (2023) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (Vudu/HD) $3
Croods (2013) & A New Age (2020) (MA/HD) $6.25
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2001) (MA/4K) $6.50
Darkest Hour (2017) (MA/HD) $3
DC League of Super-Pets (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50
Dear Evan Hansen (2021) (MA/HD) $3.75
Death on the Nile (2022) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Deepwater Horizon (2016) (Vudu/4K) $4.75 (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Dentist Collection 1-2 (1996-1998) (Vudu/HD) $5
Despicable Me Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $12.50
Detective Knight: Redemption (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Devotion (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (2012) (MA/HD) $3.75
Die Hard 1-5 (MA/HD) $15
Do the Right Thing (1989) (MA/4K) $5.75
Doctor Strange (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $4 (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.75
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022) (MA/HD) $2.75 (GP/HD) $2
Downton Abbey: A New Era (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75
Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who (2008) (MA/HD) $5.50
Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (2012) (MA/HD) $3 (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Dragonheart Collection 1-5 (MA/HD) $14
Dumb Money (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Dumbo (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $2.50
Dying of the Light (2014) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3
Early Man (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Edward Scissorhands (1990) (MA/HD) $3
El Chicano (2019) (MA/HD) $4.75
Elemental (2023) (MA/HD) $5.75
Elvis (2022) (MA/4K) $5
Elysium (2013) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3
Encanto (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) (GP/HD) $3.50
Ender's Game (2013) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Enough Said (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Equalizer (2014) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $4
Equalizer 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4
Equalizer 3 (2023) (MA/HD) $5.75
Escape Plan: The Extractors (2019) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Everest (2015) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3 (iTunes/4K) $4
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) (Vudu/4K) $6.50
Evil Dead Rise (2023) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.50
Ex Machina (2015) (Vudu/4K) $6.25 (Vudu/HD) $3
Exorcist: Believer (2023) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $6.50
Expendables 1-3 (Vudu/4K) $15 (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Fabelmans (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Fall (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6
Far from the Madding Crowd (2015) (MA/HD) $5.50
Fast & Furious Collection 1-10 (MA/4K) $28
Fast & Furious Collection 1-8 (MA/4K) $23 1-9 (MA/HD) $10
Fast X (2023) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Father Stu (2022) (MA/HD) $5.25
Fatherhood (2021) (MA/HD) $3.50
Fifth Element (1997) (MA/HD) $5.50
Fifty Shades of Grey 3-Movie + Unrated (MA/HD) $9.75
Finding Dory (2016) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.25
Finding Nemo (2003) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3
Finest Hours, The (2016) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $3.75
Five Nights at Freddy's (2023) (MA/HD) $6.50
Flash, The (2023) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5
Flight (2012) (Vudu/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/HD) $3
Flushed Away (2006) (MA/HD) $6.50
Ford v Ferrari (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
Fox and the Hound 2, The (2006) (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.75
Free Guy (2021) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
Fright Night (1985) (MA/4K) $5.75
Frozen 2 (2019) (MA/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Frozen Sing-Along Edition (2014) (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.50
Gattaca (1997) (MA/4K) $6.25
Get on Up (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Get Out (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ghost In The Shell (2017) (Vudu/4K) $6.25 (Vudu/HD) $2.25 (iTunes/4K) $2.75
Ghostbusters II (1989) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) (MA/HD) $3.50
Girl In The Spider's Web (2018) (MA/HD) $4
Girls Trip (2017) (MA/HD) $1.50 (iTunes/HD) $1
Godfather (1972) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Godfather Trilogy (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $14
Gone Baby Gone (2007) (Vudu/HD) $6
Good Boys (2019) (MA/HD) $3.75
Good Dinosaur (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $2.75
Good Will Hunting (1997) (Vudu/HD) $5
Gotti (2018) (Vudu/HD) $3
Gran Turismo (2023) (MA/HD) $5
Grease (1978), 2 (1982), Live! (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $14
Great Wall (2016) (MA/HD) $2.50
Greatest Showman (2017) (MA/HD) $2.25
Green Book (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
Hacksaw Ridge (2016) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Hail, Caesar! (2016) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2
Halloween (2018) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3.75
Halloween Kills (2021) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Happy Death Day (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Hate U Give (2018) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Hellboy (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.25
Hercules (1997) (MA/HD) $6.50
Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2021) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Hocus Pocus (1993) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
Home (2015) (MA/HD) $2
Home Alone (1990) (MA/HD) $3.50
Home Alone Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $6.50
Hotel Mumbai (2019) (MA/HD) $4.25
Hotel Transylvania Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $16
House of 1,000 Corpses (2003), Devil's Rejects (2005), 3 From Hell (2019) (Vudu/HD) $6
House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014) (MA/HD) $2
How to Train Your Dragon Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $7.50
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2019) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.75
Hugo (2011) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Hunchback of Notre Dame II (2002) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Hunger Games Collection 1-4 (Vudu/HD) $6
Hunter Killer (2018) (Vudu/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Huntsman: Winter's War - Extended Edition (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Ice Age Collection 1-5 (MA/SD) $16
Ice Age: A Mammoth Christmas (2011) (MA/HD) $5.25
Ice Age: Collision Course (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3.75
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (2009) (MA/HD) $5.25
Imitation Game, The (2014) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Immortal Life Of Henrietta Lacks (2017) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Incredibles 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2
Independence Day (1996) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.25
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023) (MA/HD) $6
Indiana Jones Collection 1-4 (Vudu/4K) $24 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $20
Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete (2013) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Inside Llewyn Davis (2013) (MA/HD) $6
Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $6.50
Insidious: The Red Door (2023) (MA/HD) $5.25
Instant Family (2018) (Vudu/HD) $2 (iTunes/4K) $1.50
Internship (2013) (MA/HD) $2.75
Intruder (2019) (MA/HD) $6
Invisible Man (2020) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.75
Iron Man 1-3 (iTunes/4K) $16 (GP/HD) $7.50
Iron Man 2 (2010) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3
Irresistible (2020) (MA/HD) $5.25
It Comes at Night (2017) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
It Follows (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
It's a Wonderful Life (1946) (Vudu/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Jack and Jill (2011) (MA/HD) $3.50
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Jackie (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4
Jaws (1975) Jaws 2 (1978) Jaws 3 (1983) Jaws: The Revenge (1987) (MA/HD) $15.50
Jay & Silent Bob Reboot (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5
JOBS (2013) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
John Wick Collection 1-3 (Vudu/4K) $16 (iTunes/4K) $14.50 (Vudu/HD) $8
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4
Jumanji: Next Level (2019) & Welcome to the Jungle (2017) (MA/HD) $7
Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle (2017) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $2 (MA/SD) $1
Jungle Book (1967) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $4
Jurassic Park (1993) (MA/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.75
Jurassic Park III (2001) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Jurassic World (2015) (MA/4K) $4.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.50
Jurassic World Collection 1-5 (iTunes/4K) $17.50 (MA/HD) $8.50
Jurassic World Collection 1-6 (MA/HD) $11
Jurassic World: Dominion + Extended Cut (2022) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.75
Justice League: War World (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Kandahar (2023) (MA/4K) $7
Katy Perry: Part of Me (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Keeping Up with the Joneses (2016) (MA/HD) $3.50
Kick-Ass 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25 (iTunes/HD) $5
Kid Who Would Be King (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) (Vudu/HD) $6.75
Kimi (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75
King of Staten Island (2020) (MA/HD) $4.50
Last Night in Soho (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5
Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $7
Lee Daniels' The Butler (2013) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Les Miserables (1998) (MA/HD) $6.75
Let Him Go (2020) (MA/HD) $5
Let's Be Cops (2014) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Life of Pi (2012) (MA/HD) $2.50
Lightyear (2022) (MA/4K) $4.75 (MA/HD) $2.50 (GP/HD) $1.75
Lion (2016) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Lion King (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $4 (GP/HD) $1.25
Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea (2000) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Logan (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Long Shot (2019) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.25
Lost City, The (2022) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5
Luca (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $3.25
Lucy (2014) (MA/HD) $2
Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (2022) (MA/HD) $4.25
M3GAN + Unrated (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (2012) (MA/HD) $2
Madagascar Collection 1-4 (MA/HD) $15
Magnificent Seven (2016) (Vudu/HD) $2
Maleficent (2014) (MA/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3 (GP/HD) $1.25
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50
Man Who Invented Christmas (2017) (MA/HD) $6
Marlowe (2023) (MA/HD) $6.50
Marshall (2017) (MA/HD) $4.50
Mary Poppins (1964) (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $2.75
Mary Poppins Returns (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2
Maze Runner Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $14.50
Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018) (MA/HD) $5.50
Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.75
Mechanic: Resurrection (2016) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Meg 2: The Trench (2023) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5
Meg Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $8.50
Megan Leavey (2017) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Memory (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75
Men (2022) (Vudu/HD) $5
Men in Black Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $14.50
Mickey & Friends 10 Classic Shorts - Volume 2 (2023) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $5
Mickey & Minnie 10 Classic Shorts - Volume 1 (2023) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.75
Mile 22 (2018) (iTunes/4K) $1.75
Mile 22 (2018) (Vudu/4K) $7
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) & Minions (2015) (MA/HD) $7.25
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5
Miracles From Heaven (2016) (MA/HD) $4
Missing Link (2019) (MA/HD) $5
Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $7
Mission: Impossible Collection 1-6 (iTunes/4K) $20 (Vudu/HD) $18
Molly's Game (2017) (iTunes/HD) $2
Moneyball (2011) (MA/HD) $2.50
Monsters, Inc. (2001) (GP/HD) $5
Monuments Men (2014) (MA/HD) $2
Moonfall (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Moonlight (2016) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Morbius (2022) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3
Mortal Kombat Legends: Cage Match (2023) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5.50
Mother's Day (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014) (MA/HD) $3.50
Much Ado About Nothing (2013) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Mulan (2020) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2.25
Muppets Most Wanted (2014) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $4.25
Murder on The Orient Express (2017) (MA/HD) $2.50
My All American (2015) (MA/HD) $5 (iTunes/HD) $4
My Little Pony: The Movie (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Nebraska (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Night at the Museum 3-Movie (MA/HD) $11.50 (MA/SD) $8
Night House, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3
Night School (Extended Cut) (2018) (MA/HD) $4.25
Nightmare Alley (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
No Hard Feelings (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Nobody (2021) (MA/HD) $5
Non-Stop (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Nope (2022), Get Out (2017) & Us (2019) (MA/HD) $9
Norm of the North (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Northman (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.75
Nun 2 (2023) (MA/HD) $6
Office Christmas Party (2016) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Olaf's Frozen Adventure Plus 6 Disney Tales (2017) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
One Direction: This is Us + Extended Fan Edition (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25
Onward (2020) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2
Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7
Oppenheimer (2023) (MA/HD) $7
Oranges, The (2011) (MA/HD) $4.50
Ouija (2014) & Origin of Evil (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $8
Outfit (2022) (MA/HD) $7
Overlord (2018) (Vudu/4K) $4.50 (Vudu/HD) $2.75 (iTunes/4K) $4
Paper Towns (2011) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25
Passengers (2016) (MA/HD) $2.25
Paterno (2018) (iTunes/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $2.75
PAW Patrol: The Mighty Movie (2023) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Peanuts Movie (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Penguins of Madagascar (2014) (MA/HD) $2.75
Perfect Guy (2015) (MA/HD) $3.50
Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) (Vudu/HD) $1.75
Pet Sematary (1989) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) $4 (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Peter Pan: Return to Neverland (2002) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $4.50
Peter Rabbit (2018) & 2 (2021) (MA/HD) $7.50
Phantom Thread (2017) (MA/HD) $3.75
Philomena (2013) (Vudu/HD) $2
Pinocchio (1940) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.75
Pirate Fairy (2014) (MA/HD) $3.25
Pitch Perfect (2012) (MA/HD) $2.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.50
Pitch Perfect 2 (2015) (MA/HD) $2.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.50
Pitch Perfect Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $11.50
Pixar Short Films Collection, Vol. 3 (2018) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.25
Plane (2023) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Planes: Fire & Rescue (2014) (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2
Planet of the Apes 1-3 (Newer) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $9
Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World (1998) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.25
Poltergeist (Extended Cut) (2015) (MA/HD) $5
Pope's Exorcist (2023) (MA/HD) $5.75
Prey for the Devil (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Priceless (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Prodigy (2019) (Vudu/HD) $5
Pulp Fiction (1994) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (Vudu/HD) $4
Purge: Anarchy (2014) (MA/4K) $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25
Purge: Election Year (2016) (MA/4K $5.25 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Puss in Boots (2011) & The Last Wish (2022) (MA/HD) $10.50
Queen & Slim (2019) (MA/HD) $4.25
Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Rambo Collection 1-5 (Vudu/HD) $12.50
Rambo Last Blood (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $2.75
Raya and the Last Dragon (2021) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Red 2 (2013) (Vudu/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.25 (Vudu/HD) $1.50
Rescuers Down Under (1990) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $4
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021) (MA/HD) $4.25
Riddick - Unrated Director's Cut (2013) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Riddick Collection 1-3 (Unrated) (MA/HD) $13.50
Ride Along 1-2 (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5 $2.75 Each
Robin Hood (2018) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Rock Dog (2016) (Vudu/HD) $4
Roman J. Israel, Esq. (2017) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ron's Gone Wrong (2021) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
Rough Night (2017) (MA/HD) $4
Rumble (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Safe (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Safe House (2012) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Samson (2018) (MA/HD) $3.75
Santa Clause (1994), 2 (2002), 3 (2006) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $10.50 (GP/HD) $6.50
Saving Mr. Banks (2013) (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $2.50
Saw Collection 1-7 (Vudu/HD) $9.75
Scary Movie 3 (2003) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Scary Movie Collection 1-3 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $13.50
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $3
Scoob (2020) (MA/4K) $3.25
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010) (MA/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $5
Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Scream (1996) (Vudu/4K) $6
Scream 5 (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5
Scream 6 (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6.50
Scream Collection 1-3 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $13.50
Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2015) (MA/HD) $3.75
Secret Headquarters (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Secret Life of Pets Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $7.25
Secret Life of Pets, The (2016) (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.75
Serenity (2005) (MA/HD) $3.50
Shallows, The (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD $3.50
Shark Tale (2000) (MA/HD) $5.25
Sick (2023) (MA/4K) $6.75
Silent Night, Deadly Night: 3-Film Collection (1989-1991) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (2007) (MA/HD) $6.50
Sing (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Sing Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $6
Sinister (2012) (Vudu/HD) $3 (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Smile (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6.25
Smurfs 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Snake Eyes (2021) (Vudu/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4
Snowpiercer (2013) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022) (Vudu/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Sorry to Bother You (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
Speed (1994) (MA/4K) $5.25
Spider-Man Collection 1-8 (MA/HD) $26
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse (2018) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $5.50
Split (2017) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4.75 (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Star Trek Collection 1-3 (Vudu/HD) $9.50 (iTunes/4K) $13.50
Strange World (2022) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $4.25
Stronger (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Studio 666 (2022) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $6.25
Sum of All Fears, The (2002) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.25
Super Mario Bros Movie (2023) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $5.50
Super Troopers 2 (2018) (MA/HD) $3
Superman: Red Son (2020) (MA/HD) $3.50
Survive the Night (2020) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
SW: Force Awakens (2015) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1
SW: Last Jedi (2017) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1
SW: Phantom Menace (1999) (MA/4K) $7.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Return of the Jedi (1983) (MA/4K) $7.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) (iTunes/4K) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Taken Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $9
Talk to Me (2023) (Vudu/4K) $6.50
Tangled (2010) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3.50
Tar (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6.50
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $4.50
Terminator: Genisys (2015) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3
Terms of Endearment (1983) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.25
Thanksgiving (2023) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
This Is The End (2013) (MA/HD) $4.50
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2
Thor: The Dark World (2013) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.25
Ticket to Paradise (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Till (2022) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast (2014) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.75
To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Top Five (2014) (iTunes/HD) $3.50
Tower Heist (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.75
Trainwreck (2015) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $1.50
Transformers 1-5 (Vudu/4K) $25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $23
Transformers: Last Knight (2017) (Vudu/4K) $4.25 (iTunes/4K) $2 (Vudu/HD) $1.75
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023) (Vudu/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6
Trolls Band Together (2023) (MA/HD) $6.50
Trolls Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $5.75
Trolls World Tour (2020) (MA/HD) $5.25
Truth Or Dare (Unrated) (2018) (MA/HD) $5
Turning Red (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.50
Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.75
Unbroken (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Uncharted (2022) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.25
Unholy, The (2021) (MA/HD) $7
Untouchables, The (1987) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Up in Smoke ‘Cheech and Chong’ (1978) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Upgrade (2018) (MA/HD) $7
Upside, The (2017) (iTunes/HD) $2
Us (2019) (MA/HD) $4.75
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Venom (2005) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Venom (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4
Vice (2015) 'Bruce Willis' (Vudu/HD) $2.50
Victoria & Abdul (2017) (MA/HD) $5.25
Violent Night (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Walk, The (2015) (MA/HD) $4.25
Warcraft (2016) (MA/4K) $4.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.25
Warm Bodies (2013) (iTunes/4K) $2.50 (Vudu/HD) $2
Waterworld (1995) (MA/HD) $5.50
Way, Way Back, The (2013) (MA/HD) $4.75
West Side Story (2021) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) (GP/HD) $2.50
Whale, The (2022) (Vudu/HD) $6
What Men Want (2019) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $1.25
What to Expect When You're Expecting (2012) (Vudu/HD) $2
When the Game Stands Tall (2014) (MA/HD) $4.25
Where the Crawdads Sing (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (2016) (iTunes/HD) $2
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) (MA/4K) $6.50 (GP/HD) $4
Why Him? (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2
Wild Card (2015) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Wind River (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
Wings (1927) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year (2002) (MA/HD) $6.25
Wizard of Lies (2017) (iTunes/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $3
Wolf of Wall Street (2013) (Vudu/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $4 (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Woman in Black (MA/HD) (2012) $4.75
Woman in Gold (2015) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
Woman King (2022) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4
Wonder (2017) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
Wonder Woman: Bloodlines (2019) (MA/HD) $3
Won't Back Down (2012) (MA/HD) $4
X (2022), Hereditary (2018), Witch, The (2016), Green Room (2015), It Comes at Night (2017) (Vudu/HD) $14
X-Men (2000) (MA/HD) $6
X-Men (2000), X2 (2003), X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) (MA/HD) $14
X-Men: Days of Future Past (2004) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50 Rogue Cut (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5
X-Men: First Class (2010), Days of Future Past (2004), Apocalypse (2014) (MA/HD) $10.50
Young Adult (2011) (Vudu/HD) $6
Zero Dark Thirty (2012) (MA/HD) $2.75
2024.05.18 01:47 brungoo Re-upload: Spiritual Psychosis vs Spiritual Awakening (Long Post, tl;dr included in post)
Spiritual Psychosis vs Spiritual Awakening (Long Post, tl;dr included in post)
When I first heard about spiritual psychosis, it made me take a step back and think about my own spiritual journey.
A little about me:
I went through several life events this past year that were absolutely bonkers. If I wrote everything here, I doubt that anyone would believe me.
The final event, having to break up with someone I loved deeply, coincided with my spiritual awakening as I experienced what I feel is a closer connection with God.
As I navigated my beliefs, I felt as if I was seeing the world, my faith, and love from a completely different perspective.
A rebirth, I guess?
Beliefs are intrinsic, you feel it deep in your heart, but social factors also come into play. That doesn't mean your beliefs can never change, they will evolve, especially if you're presented with information that changes your perspective.
Just like with everything, you have to put in the work. That doesn't mean you have to become a theologian, just take time to dig deeper.
Spiritual psychosis (also known as mystical psychosis) is characterized by these symptoms (along with many others):
You should be looking to gain more wisdom and looking to become more compassionate as you grow spiritually. This includes being more in tune with your emotions and your human nature.
Your beliefs should not consume you and lead you to isolation and abandoning the people around you, including yourself. Especially yourself.
This is very dependent on genetics as well however, over-use and abuse can place you at a higher risk of psychosis. (Also search up derealization due to excess marijuana intake.)
Marijuana specifically is not inherently bad, but it should be used with EXTREME caution and only around people you trust. Ask a doctor before you try it, especially if you are genetically predisposed to mental illnesses such as schizophrenia.
I have used it for my anxiety and depression and it has been helpful for my journey, but everyone is different. I know everyone is very blasé about it, but it is still a MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCE and should be treated with the same caution as any other drug (even though it is not as dangerous as hard drugs like heroin and cocaine).
We are struggling, especially during a time like this. If you’re struggling or experiencing psychosis, and your situation is horrible right now, please do not give up.
Change is coming, but it has to start from within.
And that can be as simple as a new perspective on life; a new perspective on the world as a collective.
So many of us are experiencing something spiritual which means that we are constantly looking for connection and meaning.
The inevitability of death should be the reason why we all help each other make this world a better place, no matter what your beliefs are.
A simple yet complicated concept to implement, but I have hope in humanity.
tl;dr
First and foremost: speak to someone, speak to a professional, speak to someone you trust to have your best interests at heart.
The difference between spiritual psychosis and experiencing a spiritual awakening is that one is coming from a positive place while still keeping you grounded in reality while the other is coming from fear and is not grounded in reality.
Find resources that will help guide you and ground you to reality. Find people who went though or are going through the same things. YouTube, Google, etc. always check your sources to make sure they're credible, be discerning.
Everyone's situation is different and people are going through a lot, including you, so try to find peace where you can.
Resources:
Differentiating Spiritual and Psychotic Experiences: Sometimes a Cigar Is Just a Cigar by Bruce Greyson, M.D.
Psychosis or Spiritual Awakening: Phil Borges at TEDxUMKC
submitted by brungoo to u/brungoo [link] [comments]
First and foremost:
Speak to a professional if you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or harm to others. Speak to someone who will help you stay grounded in reality or try the grounding techniques I will mention below.
I've seen quite a few posts here that sound a little like some people might be experiencing spiritual psychosis (I am NOT trying to diagnose anyone, I'm just noticing a few symptoms).When I first heard about spiritual psychosis, it made me take a step back and think about my own spiritual journey.
A little about me:
I went through several life events this past year that were absolutely bonkers. If I wrote everything here, I doubt that anyone would believe me.
The final event, having to break up with someone I loved deeply, coincided with my spiritual awakening as I experienced what I feel is a closer connection with God.
As I navigated my beliefs, I felt as if I was seeing the world, my faith, and love from a completely different perspective.
A rebirth, I guess?
- Here's a little background about me for some context, you can skip this if you want:
- My parents were not very religious, we never really went to church except on occasions such as Easter or my mom’s birthday or a wedding or funeral. However, my mother was raised Catholic and my father is Christian, so there is some background in the Abrahamic religions for me.
- I always loved reading and I read everything, including the Bible, which I am currently reading right now (For the second time, it took me a year to finish it the first time, but I digress). I loved the stories within it, the ancient lives and perspectives of ancient people were so fascinating to me.
- Now I see it as a guidebook although I don’t agree with everything in there. Due to this, I am hesitant to call myself a Christian or subscribe to any other specific religion.
- Right now I label myself a gnostic theist who believes in God 100% and Jesus’ teachings, I don't believe in Hell or demons, and more. I am most familiar with Christianity so that is where I feel most comfortable.
Beliefs are intrinsic, you feel it deep in your heart, but social factors also come into play. That doesn't mean your beliefs can never change, they will evolve, especially if you're presented with information that changes your perspective.
Just like with everything, you have to put in the work. That doesn't mean you have to become a theologian, just take time to dig deeper.
So, what is spiritual psychosis and how is it different from a spiritual awakening?
The difference between spiritual psychosis and experiencing a spiritual awakening is that one is coming from a positive place while still keeping you grounded in reality while the other is coming from fear and is not grounded in reality.Spiritual psychosis (also known as mystical psychosis) is characterized by these symptoms (along with many others):
- Extreme paranoia
- Destructive tendencies
- Rapid and unusual speech, thoughts, and ideas
- Possible auditory and/or visual hallucinations
- Using your faith to justify violence
- Superiority complex or feel victimized by everything and everyone
You should be looking to gain more wisdom and looking to become more compassionate as you grow spiritually. This includes being more in tune with your emotions and your human nature.
Your beliefs should not consume you and lead you to isolation and abandoning the people around you, including yourself. Especially yourself.
Spiritual psychosis can also be drug-induced.
Recreational marijuana and alcohol intake are two things very popular and very common things, especially with young people, that can cause psychosis in general if used in excess.This is very dependent on genetics as well however, over-use and abuse can place you at a higher risk of psychosis. (Also search up derealization due to excess marijuana intake.)
Marijuana specifically is not inherently bad, but it should be used with EXTREME caution and only around people you trust. Ask a doctor before you try it, especially if you are genetically predisposed to mental illnesses such as schizophrenia.
I have used it for my anxiety and depression and it has been helpful for my journey, but everyone is different. I know everyone is very blasé about it, but it is still a MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCE and should be treated with the same caution as any other drug (even though it is not as dangerous as hard drugs like heroin and cocaine).
How can I avoid or manage spiritual psychosis?
- Speaking to someone who will help ground you to reality.
- A professional is extremely important, but if you cannot afford one right now speak to a good influence in your life, someone you absolutely trust to have your best interests at heart.
- Nature
- Making time to be in nature, even for a few minutes can be very helpful. Buy a plant to nurture and keep around you. I’ve bought several from Home Depot that cost me a total of $7. I even gave them names. Here is a picture of them below).
- Meditation
- Take a moment or two to meditate and reflect. I like to sit for a few minutes somewhere quiet and listen to ocean or water sounds while I slow sip a cup of water. Sometimes I do this for up to an hour, but a few minutes is also fine.
- Journaling
- This helps with my emotional stability and reflecting on a situation, while also planning my next steps and tracking my progress.
- I have two journals, a physical journal and the Dailyo App. I love writing things down in a physical, tangible place but Dailyo gives weekly and monthly emotional reports so I can gauge where I’m at on a 1-10 point scale. (This is not an ad, I just really love the Daylio App).
- Create something and move your body
- Create art, a story, food or a meal, something. I find exercising my creativity very healing.
- You can also create a version of yourself that you’ve always wanted to be. That can be through exercise, through reaching a goal, through activism. As long as you’re not hurting anyone or yourself, keep working towards that goal, keep pushing, keep going.
- Find community
- Find people who you can connect with. It's hard but its worth it. Enjoy solitude if you like it (I know I LOVE my solitude) however, no one can truly move through this world alone.
- Libraries have free events such as book clubs, craft clubs, etc. Or find a church that you really enjoy, or join a community club such as a gardening club or running club.
Conclusion
In the end, this--our society and all its rules-- is all temporary and constructed by us as a way to give order to the chaos that is being alive.We are struggling, especially during a time like this. If you’re struggling or experiencing psychosis, and your situation is horrible right now, please do not give up.
Change is coming, but it has to start from within.
And that can be as simple as a new perspective on life; a new perspective on the world as a collective.
So many of us are experiencing something spiritual which means that we are constantly looking for connection and meaning.
The inevitability of death should be the reason why we all help each other make this world a better place, no matter what your beliefs are.
A simple yet complicated concept to implement, but I have hope in humanity.
tl;dr
First and foremost: speak to someone, speak to a professional, speak to someone you trust to have your best interests at heart.
The difference between spiritual psychosis and experiencing a spiritual awakening is that one is coming from a positive place while still keeping you grounded in reality while the other is coming from fear and is not grounded in reality.
Find resources that will help guide you and ground you to reality. Find people who went though or are going through the same things. YouTube, Google, etc. always check your sources to make sure they're credible, be discerning.
Everyone's situation is different and people are going through a lot, including you, so try to find peace where you can.
Resources:
Differentiating Spiritual and Psychotic Experiences: Sometimes a Cigar Is Just a Cigar by Bruce Greyson, M.D.
Psychosis or Spiritual Awakening: Phil Borges at TEDxUMKC
2024.05.18 01:35 Memiiselgey23 The 8 Choir Girls
I had always remembered my deeply rooted envy at a girl at my old high school. Alyssa Howard, Home Room 207. It hadn't been long since I graduated there. I was in Class of '22, in a homeroom that I simply didn't fit in. It was isolating since everyone in my homeroom was in groups of friends, everyone was their own designated groups.
Alyssa was in the Choir group, consisting of 8 girls. They were girls that were a part of Choir Class, an elective that made no sense why I took it. Along with Alyssa Howard, there was Brianne Becker, Fiona Figueroa, Leslie Smith, Hannah Klidford, Emma Kelly, Mandy Lake, and... Karla Reyes. Karla Reyes was one of them I knew very well. In fact she is the reason why I'm typing this out.
Karla was my childhood friend, we met in 5th grade. Her family was from around Texas, and she recently moved to this small town of Meadows Dale. I didn't have friends at that age since most kids thought I was...well weird. I didn't comprehend why I was weird to them at the time, I just simply thought I wasn't cool enough. I remember vividly that I was walking far from the rusty playground, to a hill that pretty much if going more up north, you'll be at the Centennial Park of the town.
That sunny day in 5th grade felt like it was just yesterday. I was walking up a hill, my Elsa shoes making every step feel like a chore. I sighed, looking down at my shoes, feeling embarrassed that my mom had gotten them for me. All the other kids in my grade were wearing Converse or cool sneakers, and here I was, stuck with sparkly, princess-themed shoes. I flopped down on the grassy ground, feeling like the biggest outcast in the world.
I sat there, lost in my own thoughts, I noticed a girl with dark hair and tan skin walking towards me. She looked a bit nervous, fidgeting with her hands as she approached. I recognized her from my homeroom class.
"Hey," she said, trying to sound casual. "These hills look like a pair of butt cheeks, don't they?" She giggled, and I couldn't help but laugh too.
I signed back to her, using my hands to mimic the shape of hills and then making a silly face to show that, yes, they did look like butt cheeks. Karla laughed, and I was surprised. Not many people in my class knew sign language, and it was nice to have someone to communicate with in my own way.
"Do you know sign language?" I signed, curiosity getting the better of me.
Karla nodded, her dark hair bobbing up and down. "Yeah, my aunt was born deaf, so I learned to communicate with her."
I signed back, asking her if she thought it was cool that I knew sign language too.
Karla grinned. "Yeah, that's really cool! I'm Karla, by the way."
“Lily,” I signed my name, and Karla sat down next to me on the grass. We chatted for the rest of recess, discovering that we had a lot in common. We both loved DreamWorks movies better than Disney, and our favorite music group was Fifth Harmony. I was obsessed with them back then, and Karla was too. We both wanted to be like Camila Cabello when we grew up.
From that day on, Karla and I were inseparable. We'd sit together at lunch, partner up for group projects, and even started a Fifth Harmony fan club in our class. Karla would always lend me an earbud so we could jam out to our favorite songs together. Our friendship was effortless, and I felt like I'd finally found someone who understood me.
It was perfect until the start of Freshman year of Meadows Dale High School. I held my scheduler tightly in my hands as I climbed the stairs to the kitchen, my stomach twisted in knots. My heart sank as I scanned the pages, taking in the fact that most of my classes were designated for students with special educational needs. Homeroom and choir were the only exceptions.
I made my way to the living room where my mom was seated, tears brimming in my eyes. "Mom, why do I have to take these classes?" I signed, frustration etched on my features. "I don't need this kind of help. I can handle regular classes just fine."
My mom looked at the schedule, her expression sympathetic. "I know you don't seem to need help, sweetie, but the school requires you to take these classes. It's just protocol."
I sighed, feeling a wave of frustration wash over me. "I'm going to feel like even more of a freak than I already do," I gestured angrily, trying to hold back tears.
From the living room doorway, my father's deep voice cut through the silence. His ears perked up from the conversation. "Hey, kiddo, what's going on?" he asked, his voice gentle.
I signed again, rapidly gesturing my fingers "I don't want to take Special ED classes, Dad. I can do normal classes. I can hear the teachers very well!"
My dad walked over to us, his eyes scanning the schedule. "I know it's tough, Lily, but the school is just trying to help. Plus, You're not a freak. Not in our eyes, anyway. If anybody gives you trouble, I'll personally see to it that they regret it." His tone was lighthearted, but his meaning was clear. He was the sheriff, after all, and his reputation preceded him.
I rolled my eyes, signing, "Dad, please. You're only making things worse."
Ignoring my pleas, he ruffled my hair affectionately before leaving the room. I retreated to my bedroom, collapsing onto my bed in a heap of tears. The night passed in a blur, and soon enough, it was time for me to wake up and face another day.
I woke up to the sound of my dad calling me from downstairs. "Lily, time to get up! First day of school!" I groggily got out of bed, still feeling the emotional hangover from the night before.
My dad drove me to school in his police cruiser, which only added to my embarrassment. I remembered feeling weird being in the cruiser, with its flashing lights and sirens. As we pulled up to the school, my dad turned to me and said, "No matter what, you'll always have me and Mom, okay? We love you, and we're proud of you."
He hugged me tight, and I felt a lump in my throat again. I nodded, trying to hold back tears, and got out of the car. Finally me into the world of Meadows Dale High School.
The enormity of the building hit me hard as I stepped inside. The halls were bustling with activity, and the noise level was overwhelming. The classes flew by, and I couldn't help but feel like my Special ED classes were too easy for me. The teacher aides were sweet, but they were busy helping other students, leaving me to feel like I was just going through the motions.
As I walked out of my Literature class, I noticed a boy sitting alone next to a locker. He had ginger hair and was a bit overweight, and he was using a big headset to listen to music. There was something about him that drew me in, so I walked over to say hi.
He removed his headphones, looking up at me with a nervous smile. "Hi," he said, his voice a little shaky.
I signed back, "Hi."
He laughed, a little awkwardly. "Sorry if I'm a bit awkward. I'm not really used to talking to people."
I signed, "You're not awkward at all."
He smiled, looking relieved. "Thanks. I'm Matt Weston."
I nodded, signing, "I'm Lily."
Matt's eyes lit up. "Sweet. What's your homeroom?"
"207."
Matt's face brightened up. "No way, that's my homeroom too!"
I smiled, feeling a sense of excitement. "That's amazing!"
Matt stood up, walking towards a bookshelf. "Homeroom's next class. Want to walk with me?"
I nodded, following him as the bell rang. We exited the class, and suddenly we were swept up in a sea of students pushing and shoving to get to their next class.
We finally arrived at class 207, which was already filled with students. I saw Alyssa sitting in the back with her group of friends, looking like a star athlete. Matt went to sit in the front seat, and I sat next to him.
Just as we were settling in, one of the guys from Jr high football, Ryan Peterson, hit a football at Matt, saying, "Can't believe we got 'Butterball' in our class."
Matt rolled his eyes, saying, "At least I don't have a father who cheats and spreads gonorrhea."
Ryan's friend, Warren, said, "Ohhh sick burn,"
Ryan huffed, whispering to Matt, "Just because you're special doesn't mean everybody likes you."
I got mad, flipping Ryan the finger, which made him laugh. "You're lucky I ain't telling the teacher, because I don't want any issues with your old man!" Ryan walked away with Warren, leaving me feeling annoyed.
The homeroom teacher arrived, a young guy in his 20s with cedar brown hair and a pair of glasses. "Hello Students! Like that you are all sitting in neatly placed groups. My name's Mr. James and I'll be your homeroom teacher for Freshmen till Senior Year. Hope you excited as I am!"
Just as he was about to start writing on the white board, a beautifully dressed Karla emerged late, looking older and more mature with a lot of makeup on. I looked up, happy to see her, only for her to not notice me and sit down next to Alyssa's group.
Matt whispered to me, "Do you know that girl?"
I signed, "No."
Matt nodded, looking curious. "She looks familiar, but I don't know her name. Was it Kayla or Karly?"
"It's Karla," I shrugged, feeling a pang of disappointment. It seemed like Karla had moved on to a new group of friends, leaving me behind. I don't know how this change happened, since Karla and I went on a trip to Orlando, Florida, three weeks ago. I thought we had the best of our life's during that trip.
I was stumped, watching from afar as Karla chatted with Alyssa and her friends. I felt a twinge of jealousy and sadness as I realized how easily Karla had seemingly moved on and found a new group to hang out with. I mean, I thought we were best friends. It felt like Alyssa had stolen her from me.
I turned my attention elsewhere, not wanting to dwell on it. That's when I noticed a teenage boy sitting alone a few rows in front of me. He had jet black hair and there was something familiar about him, although I couldn't quite place it. I wondered who he was and why he was sitting alone.
"Hey, Lily," Matt said, following my gaze. "Do you know that guy? He looks kind of like a mini Detective Loomis."
I shook my head, signing that I had no idea who he was, but now I was curious too. Detective Loomis had been a family friend for years, and I knew he had a son, but I hadn't seen him in a while.
Matt chuckled nervously and waved his hand as if to dismiss his own question. "Just wondering. He kind of looks like him, that's all."
Just then, the boy turned around in his seat and our eyes met. He raised an eyebrow, clearly having overheard our conversation. "Yeah, that's my dad," he said, a hint of challenge in his voice. "Why?"
Matt shifted uncomfortably in his seat, clearly not expecting such a direct response. "Oh, um, no reason. Just curious, that's all."
The boy, Brandon Loomis, as I now knew him to be, nodded slowly, as if accepting Matt's explanation. Then, to my surprise, he introduced himself with a small smile. "Brandon Loomis. And you are...?"
"Lily Anderson. Nice to meet you, Brandon."
“I'm Matt by the way,” Matt chimed in.
A flash of something—was it pain?—crossed Brandon's face, but it was quickly replaced with a smile. "Nice to meet you both. Your dad's a good man, Lily. He helped me out a lot."
I could only imagine what Brandon had been through. I remembered hearing snippets about his kidnapping a while back, but I had no idea what he must have endured. No wonder he hadn't been in school until now.
"Well, I hope the rest of the year goes well for you," I signed sincerely.
Brandon smiled at me again, and I felt a warm glow spread through my chest. "Thanks, Lily. I hope so too."
As the homeroom continued, Mr. James had us all introduce ourselves and played some icebreaker games to help us get to know each other better. It was actually kind of fun, and it took my mind off Karla and her new friends for a while.
One of the things we had to do was share a fun fact about ourselves. When it was Matt's turn, he revealed that he was the son of Mayor Weston and a great friend of my dad's. No wonder he seemed so familiar! I knew my dad would be thrilled to hear that Matt and I had become friends.
Before I knew it, the homeroom was over, and Matt, Brandon, and I headed out into the hallway together. I was relieved to find out that we all had B lunch, so I wouldn't have to eat alone.
"So, where do you guys usually eat?" Brandon asked as we made our way down the crowded hallway.
"I don't know about Lily, but I usually just grab something from the cafeteria and eat outside," Matt replied.
I signed, "That sounds good to me. I like being outdoors."
Brandon nodded. "Yeah, me too. Although, I usually eat my lunch at Dillard's Diner since I work there after school. You guys should come by sometime. The food's pretty great."
"Definitely!" Matt said enthusiastically. "I love diner food. And hey, maybe we can even help you out sometime if you're short-staffed."
Brandon laughed. "Sure, why not? It can get pretty crazy on the weekends, so any extra hands would be appreciated."
As we made our way to the cafeteria, Matt started talking about his favorite band, Deftones. I had to admit, their music was a little too heavy for my tastes, but Matt was so passionate about it that I found myself getting drawn in.
"You know, you should check out their album 'White Pony,'" Matt said. "It's a classic. My dad actually introduced me to them, and I've been hooked ever since."
I signed with a smile, "My dad's always trying to get me into his favorite bands too. He's a big fan of The Beatles and Queen."
"Oh, those are classics," Brandon chimed in. "My dad's more of a country music guy, but I've definitely grown to appreciate some of the older stuff."
While we ate lunch, I pulled out my sketchbook and started drawing, something I often did when I was feeling nervous or needed a distraction. Matt and Brandon were curious and asked to see my drawings. I showed them some of my anime-style sketches, and they both complimented my work.
"Wow, Lily, these are amazing!" Matt exclaimed. "You're gonna be like Picasso one day."
I signed, feeling my face heat up with embarrassment. "Thanks, Matt. That's really nice of you to say."
Brandon nodded in agreement. "Seriously, you're really talented. I wish I could draw like that."
As lunch came to an end, Matt and Brandon suggested that they walk me to my next class. I was surprised but pleased that they wanted to stick together. My next class was Choir, and thankfully, it was just down the hall.
"So, Lily, do you sing?" Brandon asked as we walked.
I signed, feeling a little self-conscious. "A little. I mean, I really want to sing, but I'm not sure I'm any good."
"Don't be shy, Lily," Matt said with a grin. "I bet you have a great voice."
I felt my face flush again, but I was glad that Matt and Brandon seemed so supportive. As we reached the choir room, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for whatever the class might bring. I slowly pushed open the door to the choir room, unsure of what to expect. The room was dark, but as my eyes adjusted, I could make out the outlines of rows of chairs facing a small stage. The room had a strange beauty to it, with its blue and white color scheme and intricate design carvings. I made my way to an empty chair near the exit, wanting to keep a low profile.
Before long, a flood of girls began to pour into the room, chattering and laughing. I recognized many of them from the Meadows Dale Advanced Academic Program. My heart sank a little as I spotted Brianne Becker, one of the most popular girls in school, deep in conversation with Meg Peterson. They were giggling about some guy they both apparently liked. Brianne's eyes suddenly landed on me, and her smile faded. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, feeling self-conscious under her gaze.
Alyssa entered the room, and the atmosphere seemed to brighten. Brianne's face lit up, and she rushed over to give Alyssa a hug. "I'm so happy you're in this class!" she exclaimed. Alyssa smiled back, her warm hazel eyes shining. I felt a small sense of relief seeing her friendly face.
Following Alyssa were Mandy, Fiona, Leslie, Hannah, Emma, and Karla. They all seemed to be deep in their own conversations, and I felt even more alone. Karla was telling Fiona about getting her nails done, and Fiona was expressing her dislike for acrylics. I stood up and waved at Karla, trying to get her attention. She had been one of my few friends in middle school, but something had changed between us lately.
Alyssa, however, made her way over to me and offered a genuine greeting. "Hi, Lily! It's so great to see you in this class," she said, her eyes sparkling with sincerity. I felt a small smile tug at my lips. At least there was one person here who didn't seem to mind my presence.
Entering through the red velvety curtains of the stage, a woman with brunette hair, who looked to be in her early 40s, emerged from behind the stage. She had an air of enthusiasm about her as she introduced herself as Mrs. Becker, Brianne's mother. I remembered hearing that they were related, and at the time, I had thought it was sweet that a mother and daughter shared the same class.
Mrs. Becker instructed us all to take our seats and explained that this class was for girls only. She then asked each of us to come up on stage and recite the Do-Mi-Re-Fa-So syllables so that she could group us into sections of eight. My heart sank as I realized I would have to sing in front of everyone.
One by one, Mrs. Becker called each girl up to the stage. Some of the girls had okay voices, while others were truly talented. Then it was Brianne's turn. Her voice was like an angel's, a beautiful soprano that filled the room. Fiona and Emma also impressed me with their deep, rich alto voices. Mandy, Leslie, and Hannah had high-pitched, yet well-controlled voices that blended beautifully.
Alyssa and Karla were the last to go, and they both had perfect voices. Alyssa's voice was like honey, smooth and warm. But it was Karla who really stood out. She sounded like a pop idol, her voice clear and powerful. I found myself getting lost in the music, forgetting my worries for a moment.
Then Mrs. Becker called my name, and my heart sank. I nervously made my way up the stairs to the stage, my hands trembling at my sides. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. As I opened my mouth to sing, an awful, screeching noise escaped. My throat instantly sting, as the aftertaste of metallic overwhelmed my mouth. It was so bad that Mrs. Becker immediately cut me off.
"Why are you in this class, Lily?" she asked, a hint of annoyance in her voice.
I looked at her sadly and signed, "I don't know. I didn't choose this class."
Mrs. Becker softened a little, seeing my dejected expression. "Well, you better discuss these matters with a counselor about switching, because there are better candidates out there who want a spot in this class," she said bluntly.
I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment as I made my way back to my seat at the very back of the room. I could feel the eyes of the other girls on me, and I heard their stifled laughter. Karla's laughter rang out the loudest, stabbing me like a knife. Alyssa was the only one who didn't join in, her face a mask of disappointment. I wasn't sure if she was disappointed in me or in the other girls' behavior.
It was next week, I got out of my algebra class heading towards the office. I had to wait till Monday, since during the first few days, my assigned counselor was not available. I was already antsy of finally getting out of that Choir class, I couldn’t deal another day with a class I clearly didn’t fit in. My schedule in my hand, I pulled the door open, being greeted by the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip muffins. Nervousness ran through me, wondering what type of counselor Dr. Wells would be.
The door was wide agape, leading me into the source of that muffin smell. Sitting there on a working desk, was a man typing on his laptop. He looked a bit exhausted, almost to the point that he slumped on his chair. Tilting my head, I nudged on his shoulders, trying to shake him awake. I couldn’t help but feel warmth radiating in my cheeks.
“Huh? Oh, hello there Lily. What brings you here?” Dr. Wells jolted up, probably noticing how close I was to his face. I backed away, sitting down on a red couch next to him.
“I want to change classes please.”
Mr. Wells nodded off, scooting his chair back towards his mahogany desk. He searched up my schedule, turning his laptop to my view. “Oh, I see. In what class do you want to change?”
I nervously let out a breath, as I finally let out what emotions I was holding. “I don’t know why you assigned me Choir, but everyone in that class hates me. I really need that class changed, Dr. Wells.”
I saw my counselor's lip repeatedly twitched a bit, before he gathered his composure. Dr. Wells looked up from his desk, his kind face softening as he saw me. "Lily, I want to apologize profusely for putting you in that situation."
I signed, feeling a little comforted by his words. "It's okay. I did want to be in that class, but I just... I felt so out of place with all the other girls laughing at me."
Dr. Wells sighed and rubbed his temple. "I'm truly sorry, Lily. I was told you loved music and thought you would enjoy the class. But it's clear that it wasn't a good fit. Do you have another class in mind that you'd like to take instead?"
I nodded and signed, "Art class. I heard my friend Brandon is taking that, and I've always loved drawing."
Dr. Wells typed something into his laptop. “Consider it done. I'll have the change processed by tomorrow, if not sooner. In the meantime, help yourself to a muffin. The library teacher made them for me, and they're delicious."
I smiled and took one of the muffins, taking a bite. "Are you and the library teacher... a thing?" I asked, feeling a little bold.
Dr. Wells laughed, a deep, hearty sound that filled the room. "No, no, nothing like that. Just colleagues. She knows I have a sweet tooth, so she often shares her baking creations with me."
I felt a wave of relief wash over me. It was probably one of the few times I'd developed a crush on someone, and as usual, it was harmless and something I'd get over quickly. Dr. Wells was one of those crushes indeed. I stood up from my chair, feeling much better than when I arrived. "Well, thank you, Dr. Wells. I better head to class soon."
Dr. Wells smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Of course, Lily. And remember, if you ever need someone to chat with, my door is always open."
Later that day, during lunch, I made my way to our usual table with Brandon and Matt. They were already deep in conversation about their morning classes.
"PE is a nightmare," Matt was saying. "All the athletes make fun of me because I'm not as fast or strong as they are. It's frustrating."
Brandon nodded sympathetically. "I heard you beat Ryan on the pacer test, though. That's impressive."
Matt shrugged, taking a bite of his apple. "It was just luck, honestly. Ryan got too cocky and sprained his knee on the seventy-ninth lap. I just kept a steady pace.”
I signed to Matt, "You should still be proud. I bet your dad was happy."
Matt smiled. "He was. It's not every day I get to impress him, especially when it comes to sports. You know how Mayor Weston was a star athlete back in his day."
I laughed, and then took a bite of my sandwich. "Speaking of impressing people, I have some news. I'm switching out of choir class and into art elective. Hopefully, I'll be in the same class as you, Brandon."
Brandon's face lit up. "That's great! I'm so glad you'll be joining us. Art class is a lot of fun.”
Matt nodded in agreement. "I'm happy for you, Lily. But why are you leaving Choir? I thought you loved singing."
My smile faltered, and I looked down at my lap. "It's just... it's not the right fit for me," I signed.
Matt frowned, chewing on his apple. "Is Mrs. Becker too mean? I've heard she can be hard on students who aren't part of the popular crowd."
"No fair," I signed, my eyes pleading with him to understand.
Brandon nodded. "It really isn't fair, Matt. That's why I prefer to keep a low profile. Popularity contests aren't worth the hassle.”
Just then, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I turned to see Karla standing there, a sad look on her face. "Lily, can I talk to you?" she asked, her voice soft and hesitant.
I hesitated, signing, "Why?”
With a strand of hair tucked behind her ear, she leaned in and whispered, "I want to talk to you in private."
I glanced at Matt and Brandon, signing, "I'll be back, okay?"
Matt nodded, his eyes curious. "We'll be here. Take your time."
I followed Karla to the girl's bathroom, my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn't sure what this was about, but I sensed it was important to her. Once we were inside, Karla pulled out a juul vape from her pocket and took a hit. The sweet smell of watermelon filled the air.
"Want a hit?" she offered, holding it out to me.
I was curious, so I signed, "Sure."
I took a cautious drag, expecting to choke, but surprisingly, I didn't. Karla laughed, "I guess you already know how to smoke. Not so innocent after all, huh?"
I rolled my eyes. "I learned from watching Effy in Skins. It's not like I've never seen it before."
Karla laughed again, a genuine sound that seemed to break through the tension between us. "Look, Lily, I wanted to apologize for what happened in the choir. I shouldn't have laughed. It was mean, and I'm sorry."
I stayed silent, unsure of how to respond. A part of me wanted to accept her apology, but another part was still hurt by her earlier behavior. Before I could say anything, Karla cut in, "I know it doesn't make up for it, but I want to make it up to you. How about I take you to the skating rink this evening? It's one of our favorite places, remember?"
I hesitated, considering her offer. Finally, I signed, "Okay, I guess."
Karla's face lit up, and she gave me a quick hug. "Great! I'll text you the details. See you later, okay?" And with that, she left the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I walked back to the cafeteria, my mind racing. Matt rushed over to me, his eyes full of questions. "How did it go? What did she want?" he asked.
"It went okay," I replied, signing as I continued. "Karla invited me to the skating rink this evening."
Brandon's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know, Lily. Karla hangs out with those choir girls. I don't think we can trust her, especially after what happened."
I bit my lip, understanding his concern. "What if I sneak you and Matt in too? That way, if anything goes south, we'll be together."
Matt's eyes lit up. "That's a brilliant idea! I'm in."
A small smile tugged at my lips. "It's settled, then. We're going skating."
That afternoon, I waited on the porch for Karla to pick me up. The sun was starting to set, casting a warm glow over everything. My dad emerged from the house, dressed in his sheriff's uniform. "Why are you wearing your uniform on your day off?" I asked, curious.
He chuckled, patting my back. "Got called into work. Something strange is going on. Don't worry, I'll be fine."
I signed, "Be safe, Dad."
“I will, honey. Have fun with Karla, okay.” He smiled and gave me a thumbs-up before heading off. A minute later, a black Chevy pulled up, and I recognized it as Mrs. Becker's car. Karla leaned out the window and waved me over.
I took a deep breath and climbed into the back seat. Besides Karla, there were a few other girls from the choir class—Mandy, Hannah, Emma, Leslie, Fiona, and Brianne. Alyssa was noticeably absent.
Noticing my curious glance, Karla explained, "Alyssa had track practice. She couldn't make it."
I signed, "That's nice."
Brianne turned to Mrs. Becker and asked, "Can we get some McDonald's shakes? Please?"
Mrs. Becker smiled. "Of course, sweetie. Does anyone else want one?"
Everyone nodded eagerly, and Mrs. Becker placed an order for nine shakes. Emma and Leslie wanted vanilla, Brianne wanted the seasonal spice pumpkin flavor, Hannah and Fiona requested strawberry, Karla and Mandy chose chocolate, and Mrs. Becker asked about my preference.
"Mint, please," I said, making a gesture of a mint leaf.
Mrs. Becker smiled. "Mint it is. Anything for my girls."
I felt a warm glow spread through me. Maybe, just maybe, they were starting to like me. I took a long sip of my mint shake, savoring the cool, refreshing taste.
"Chocolate is definitely the best flavor," Mandy declared, taking a sip from her own shake. "Nothing beats the classic."
"Pumpkin spice is where it's at," Brianne interjected, taking a sip of her pumpkin spice shake. "It's got that perfect blend of sweet and spicy. It's like autumn in a bite."
"Are you kidding?" Mandy scoffed. "Chocolate is timeless. It's the ultimate comfort food. Pumpkin spice is just a fad.”
"Oh c'mon! Pumpkin spice is leagues better," Brianne retorted. "It's a limited edition for a reason."
The other girls joined in, each defending their favorite flavor. I snickered at their playful bickering, feeling a sense of warmth despite the earlier tension.
About ten minutes later, Mrs. Becker pulled into the parking lot of a magenta-colored building. The girls piled out of the car, and I followed them inside, curious about our destination. Mrs. Becker turned to Brianne and said, "I'll pick you girls up at 8 pm sharp. I need to head home and take care of your little sister."
Brianne gave her mom a quick hug and yelled out, "Okay! Love you, mom!" Then she joined the choir group, whispering something in Karla's ear that made her smile in an unsettling way.
Karla walked over to me and whispered, "Hey, Lily, I want to take you to our hiding spot. It's been a while since we hung out there."
I brightened at the idea, signing, "I've missed that place. We used to act like it was our studio booth."
“Uh-huh,” Karla led me to an abandoned janitor's closet that was blocked off with a "Do Not Enter" sign. She opened the door, and I slid inside, feeling a rush of nostalgia. I slid inside the small, dimly lit closet and sat criss-cross on the floor, my heart racing with anticipation. Karla joined me, and for a moment, we just sat there, our knees touching, the silence comfortable between us.
"I've missed you, Lily," Karla signed, her expression softening.
"I've missed you too," I signed back, my heart warming at the sentiment. "It feels like it's been ages since we really talked." I looked down, my smile fading slightly. "I've missed the old Karla. The one who was always on my side, no matter what."
Karla furrowed her eyebrows, her face a mask of confusion. "What do you mean? I haven't changed, Lily. I've just matured."
I scoffed, shaking my head. "Matured? Making fun of someone less popular than you isn't mature, Karla. It's just mean spirited."
Her eyes widened at my words, and I could see the hurt flash across her face. "I haven't been making fun of you, Lily. I—"
"Yes, you have," I interrupted, my anger bubbling to the surface. "I know exactly what you and your new friends have been trying to do. You've been pretending I don't exist, like I'm not even worth acknowledging.”
Karla's face contorted with frustration. "That's not true, Lily! You always have to make everything about your disability. If anyone's changed, it's you. You used to be so happy, always laughing and joking around. Now, you just cry and complain when things don't go your way."
I signed angrily, my hands moving frantically. "How can you say that, Karla? I don't mind if you want to be more popular, but you're acting like you don't even know me. You're trying to pretend we're not friends."
Her eyes filled with tears, and her voice shook. "Maybe I don't want to be friends with you anymore, Lily. Maybe you're too held up in the past, too stuck in your own little world. You're a sad, pathetic sap, and I—"
Before she could finish her sentence, I punched her squarely in the face. The force of the blow knocked her back, and she stumbled, her hand flying to her nose.
"I wish I'd never met you, Karla!" I angrily figured my fingers around, my breathing being audible in the small space. "I wish you'd never been my friend! I wouldn't care if you dropped dead right now!"
Karla's eyes widened in shock, and tears began to stream down her face. Without another word, she turned and ran out of the janitor's closet, leaving me alone in the dimly lit space. I trembled as I crouched down in the corner, my heart pounding in my chest. I had never hit anyone before, and now I wished I could take it back. It was rather immature of me to end that way with Karla. Especially when this was the last memory I had of her alive.
Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream pierced the silence, freezing me in place. It was Karla. My eyes widened in horror as I realized what I had done. I rose to my feet and ran out of the closet, my heart pounding in my chest. As I turned the corner, I came face to face with a masked man. He was tall and imposing, his mask was painted like a 1940s woman with green eyeshadow, vibrant red blush, and blood-red lips. His copper-blonde wig fell in sleek waves, contrasting with his all-black suit.
The man walked slowly towards me, his gloved hand reaching out. I kicked him in the abdomen, my fear fueling my strength. But he was too strong. He grabbed me by the waist, his gloved finger pressing against my lips.
"My little flower, I am so happy to see you." he whispered, his voice deep and gravelly.
Before I could scream or struggle, he covered my mouth with a rag. It took a while for the chloroform to finally take effect, as I remembered my last thoughts were about Karla. Sometimes I wished this encounter was just an elaborate prank played by Brianne. However it is never the case.
When I woke up, I woke up to the sound of a girl's voice, soft and melodic. My eyes felt heavy, my body sluggish as I tried to lift my head. The singing was familiar, reminding me of Karla. My heart stirred at the memory of my friend, and I tried to shake off the grogginess that clouded my mind.
As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I realized I was restrained to a bed, my wrists and ankles bound. Panic surged through me, and I struggled against my bonds, my heart racing.
The singing continued, and I finally located the source—a television mounted on the wall across the room. My eyes widened as I recognized the singer. It was Karla, her face bruised and beaten, her eyes closed as she sang "Once Upon a December" from the animated movie "Anastasia." Her voice was shaky but serene, and tears pricked my eyes as I watched her performance.
I opened my mouth to scream, but only a weakened screech escaped my throat. I tugged at my restraints, desperation fueling my strength. I had to get out of here. I had to help Karla.
Catching me off guard, the door swung open, and the masked man from my encounter at the janitor's closet stepped into the room. My heart sank at the sight of him, and I shrunk back against the bed, my breath coming in short gasps.
He carried a plate of applesauce, his gloved hands setting it down on a table by the bed. "Good morning, my little flower," he said, his voice deep and distorted by the mask. "Your friend has a lovely voice," he remarked. "Have you ever wanted to sing like that?”
I shook my head, my eyes never leaving his face. I mouthed the words, "Let her go.”
The Masked Man smiled sadly. "Your friend has been let go. Don't worry, she's no longer suffering.”
I wanted to scream, to demand that he release me, but my voice failed me. The masked man approached the bed, his eyes cold and unfeeling. He picked up the spoon and dipped it into the applesauce, then brought it to my mouth.
"Open up, sweetie," he cooed. "You need to keep up your strength."
I turned my head away, my body rigid with fear. I didn't want his help, I didn't want anything to do with him.
"Now, now, none of that," he chided, his gloved hand gently tilting my chin back towards him. "You need to eat. And one day, my little flower, you will sing too. And it will be the most beautiful voice anyone has ever heard."
Tears slipped down my cheeks as he forced the spoon into my mouth, the applesauce tasting bitter on my tongue. I choked down the food, my throat constricting with fear and anger.
The masked man set the plate down and pulled me into a tight embrace, his gloved hands stroking my hair. "Shh, my little flower. Everything will be alright. I'm here to take care of you."
I sobbed into his chest, my body shaking with grief and terror. I had no idea where I was, no concept of how much time had passed since I had been taken. All I knew was that Karla was in danger, and I was powerless to help her. The masked man held me until my sobs subsided, then gently laid me back down on the bed. "Rest now. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow."
With that, he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I closed my eyes, my mind reeling. The next time I woke, it was to the sound of my mother's sobs. I blinked groggily, my vision blurry as I tried to focus. I was in a hospital room, my mother sitting by my bedside, her face wet with tears. Matt and Brandon, my closest friends, were also there, their faces etched with concern.
"Mom?" I raised one of my hands, my fingers weak and stiff.
My mother's head snapped up, and she rushed to my side, her hands grasping mine. "Lily, oh, Lily, you're awake!" She smiled through her tears, her voice shaking. "I thought I'd lost you.”
I placed my palm to touch her cheek, my throat too dry to speak. Matt and Brandon stood by silently, their eyes filled with relief.
I then asked the big question, signing, "What... happened?"
Matt nervously stuttered, "We... We found you inside an old shed near the skating rink. You were... you were unconscious, and we called for help right away."
Brandon added, "Before that, you were missing for roughly 33 hours. We searched everywhere for you.” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat, unable to meet my gaze.
"You're safe now, Lily," my mother said, stroking my hair. "That's all that matters. There's nothing to worry about anymore."
I shook my head, my eyes flying open. Where was Karla? I signed, "Where's Karla?”
My mother's face crumpled, and fresh tears slid down her cheeks. "She's... she's still missing, Lily. We don't know where she is."
I closed my eyes, the weight of my guilt crushing me. If I hadn't fought with Karla, none of this would have happened. It was my fault she was still out there, alone and in danger.
The days turned into weeks, and Karla remained missing. The police conducted an extensive search, but there were no leads, no clues as to her whereabouts. I blamed myself, replaying the events of that fateful day over and over in my mind.
Three weeks after my rescue, the news channel delivered a devastating blow. Karla Reyes, aged 15, had been found dead, her body buried near the Yellow Rock River. She had suffered multiple bone fractures, and the unsettling detail—she had been missing her vocal cords and larynx.
I recalled the day vividly, the sun shining brightly through my hospital window as the news anchor delivered the grim update. I had broken down, sobbing uncontrollably, the reality of what had happened hitting me like a ton of bricks. I remember wanting to just die, to pay for what I have done. If I hadn't had my friends Matt and Brandon, I wouldn't have been alive writing this. And yet, I never told anyone about The Masked Man or what had transpired that day—until now. Sometimes I wonder if Karla could hear my prayers, wishing that she deserved better than this, and I'm sorry for causing her death. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I needed to say next.
Karla Reyes may have been the first victim, but she certainly wasn't the last. There were 7 more Choirs Girls left.
submitted by Memiiselgey23 to NoSleepAuthors [link] [comments]
Alyssa was in the Choir group, consisting of 8 girls. They were girls that were a part of Choir Class, an elective that made no sense why I took it. Along with Alyssa Howard, there was Brianne Becker, Fiona Figueroa, Leslie Smith, Hannah Klidford, Emma Kelly, Mandy Lake, and... Karla Reyes. Karla Reyes was one of them I knew very well. In fact she is the reason why I'm typing this out.
Karla was my childhood friend, we met in 5th grade. Her family was from around Texas, and she recently moved to this small town of Meadows Dale. I didn't have friends at that age since most kids thought I was...well weird. I didn't comprehend why I was weird to them at the time, I just simply thought I wasn't cool enough. I remember vividly that I was walking far from the rusty playground, to a hill that pretty much if going more up north, you'll be at the Centennial Park of the town.
That sunny day in 5th grade felt like it was just yesterday. I was walking up a hill, my Elsa shoes making every step feel like a chore. I sighed, looking down at my shoes, feeling embarrassed that my mom had gotten them for me. All the other kids in my grade were wearing Converse or cool sneakers, and here I was, stuck with sparkly, princess-themed shoes. I flopped down on the grassy ground, feeling like the biggest outcast in the world.
I sat there, lost in my own thoughts, I noticed a girl with dark hair and tan skin walking towards me. She looked a bit nervous, fidgeting with her hands as she approached. I recognized her from my homeroom class.
"Hey," she said, trying to sound casual. "These hills look like a pair of butt cheeks, don't they?" She giggled, and I couldn't help but laugh too.
I signed back to her, using my hands to mimic the shape of hills and then making a silly face to show that, yes, they did look like butt cheeks. Karla laughed, and I was surprised. Not many people in my class knew sign language, and it was nice to have someone to communicate with in my own way.
"Do you know sign language?" I signed, curiosity getting the better of me.
Karla nodded, her dark hair bobbing up and down. "Yeah, my aunt was born deaf, so I learned to communicate with her."
I signed back, asking her if she thought it was cool that I knew sign language too.
Karla grinned. "Yeah, that's really cool! I'm Karla, by the way."
“Lily,” I signed my name, and Karla sat down next to me on the grass. We chatted for the rest of recess, discovering that we had a lot in common. We both loved DreamWorks movies better than Disney, and our favorite music group was Fifth Harmony. I was obsessed with them back then, and Karla was too. We both wanted to be like Camila Cabello when we grew up.
From that day on, Karla and I were inseparable. We'd sit together at lunch, partner up for group projects, and even started a Fifth Harmony fan club in our class. Karla would always lend me an earbud so we could jam out to our favorite songs together. Our friendship was effortless, and I felt like I'd finally found someone who understood me.
It was perfect until the start of Freshman year of Meadows Dale High School. I held my scheduler tightly in my hands as I climbed the stairs to the kitchen, my stomach twisted in knots. My heart sank as I scanned the pages, taking in the fact that most of my classes were designated for students with special educational needs. Homeroom and choir were the only exceptions.
I made my way to the living room where my mom was seated, tears brimming in my eyes. "Mom, why do I have to take these classes?" I signed, frustration etched on my features. "I don't need this kind of help. I can handle regular classes just fine."
My mom looked at the schedule, her expression sympathetic. "I know you don't seem to need help, sweetie, but the school requires you to take these classes. It's just protocol."
I sighed, feeling a wave of frustration wash over me. "I'm going to feel like even more of a freak than I already do," I gestured angrily, trying to hold back tears.
From the living room doorway, my father's deep voice cut through the silence. His ears perked up from the conversation. "Hey, kiddo, what's going on?" he asked, his voice gentle.
I signed again, rapidly gesturing my fingers "I don't want to take Special ED classes, Dad. I can do normal classes. I can hear the teachers very well!"
My dad walked over to us, his eyes scanning the schedule. "I know it's tough, Lily, but the school is just trying to help. Plus, You're not a freak. Not in our eyes, anyway. If anybody gives you trouble, I'll personally see to it that they regret it." His tone was lighthearted, but his meaning was clear. He was the sheriff, after all, and his reputation preceded him.
I rolled my eyes, signing, "Dad, please. You're only making things worse."
Ignoring my pleas, he ruffled my hair affectionately before leaving the room. I retreated to my bedroom, collapsing onto my bed in a heap of tears. The night passed in a blur, and soon enough, it was time for me to wake up and face another day.
I woke up to the sound of my dad calling me from downstairs. "Lily, time to get up! First day of school!" I groggily got out of bed, still feeling the emotional hangover from the night before.
My dad drove me to school in his police cruiser, which only added to my embarrassment. I remembered feeling weird being in the cruiser, with its flashing lights and sirens. As we pulled up to the school, my dad turned to me and said, "No matter what, you'll always have me and Mom, okay? We love you, and we're proud of you."
He hugged me tight, and I felt a lump in my throat again. I nodded, trying to hold back tears, and got out of the car. Finally me into the world of Meadows Dale High School.
The enormity of the building hit me hard as I stepped inside. The halls were bustling with activity, and the noise level was overwhelming. The classes flew by, and I couldn't help but feel like my Special ED classes were too easy for me. The teacher aides were sweet, but they were busy helping other students, leaving me to feel like I was just going through the motions.
As I walked out of my Literature class, I noticed a boy sitting alone next to a locker. He had ginger hair and was a bit overweight, and he was using a big headset to listen to music. There was something about him that drew me in, so I walked over to say hi.
He removed his headphones, looking up at me with a nervous smile. "Hi," he said, his voice a little shaky.
I signed back, "Hi."
He laughed, a little awkwardly. "Sorry if I'm a bit awkward. I'm not really used to talking to people."
I signed, "You're not awkward at all."
He smiled, looking relieved. "Thanks. I'm Matt Weston."
I nodded, signing, "I'm Lily."
Matt's eyes lit up. "Sweet. What's your homeroom?"
"207."
Matt's face brightened up. "No way, that's my homeroom too!"
I smiled, feeling a sense of excitement. "That's amazing!"
Matt stood up, walking towards a bookshelf. "Homeroom's next class. Want to walk with me?"
I nodded, following him as the bell rang. We exited the class, and suddenly we were swept up in a sea of students pushing and shoving to get to their next class.
We finally arrived at class 207, which was already filled with students. I saw Alyssa sitting in the back with her group of friends, looking like a star athlete. Matt went to sit in the front seat, and I sat next to him.
Just as we were settling in, one of the guys from Jr high football, Ryan Peterson, hit a football at Matt, saying, "Can't believe we got 'Butterball' in our class."
Matt rolled his eyes, saying, "At least I don't have a father who cheats and spreads gonorrhea."
Ryan's friend, Warren, said, "Ohhh sick burn,"
Ryan huffed, whispering to Matt, "Just because you're special doesn't mean everybody likes you."
I got mad, flipping Ryan the finger, which made him laugh. "You're lucky I ain't telling the teacher, because I don't want any issues with your old man!" Ryan walked away with Warren, leaving me feeling annoyed.
The homeroom teacher arrived, a young guy in his 20s with cedar brown hair and a pair of glasses. "Hello Students! Like that you are all sitting in neatly placed groups. My name's Mr. James and I'll be your homeroom teacher for Freshmen till Senior Year. Hope you excited as I am!"
Just as he was about to start writing on the white board, a beautifully dressed Karla emerged late, looking older and more mature with a lot of makeup on. I looked up, happy to see her, only for her to not notice me and sit down next to Alyssa's group.
Matt whispered to me, "Do you know that girl?"
I signed, "No."
Matt nodded, looking curious. "She looks familiar, but I don't know her name. Was it Kayla or Karly?"
"It's Karla," I shrugged, feeling a pang of disappointment. It seemed like Karla had moved on to a new group of friends, leaving me behind. I don't know how this change happened, since Karla and I went on a trip to Orlando, Florida, three weeks ago. I thought we had the best of our life's during that trip.
I was stumped, watching from afar as Karla chatted with Alyssa and her friends. I felt a twinge of jealousy and sadness as I realized how easily Karla had seemingly moved on and found a new group to hang out with. I mean, I thought we were best friends. It felt like Alyssa had stolen her from me.
I turned my attention elsewhere, not wanting to dwell on it. That's when I noticed a teenage boy sitting alone a few rows in front of me. He had jet black hair and there was something familiar about him, although I couldn't quite place it. I wondered who he was and why he was sitting alone.
"Hey, Lily," Matt said, following my gaze. "Do you know that guy? He looks kind of like a mini Detective Loomis."
I shook my head, signing that I had no idea who he was, but now I was curious too. Detective Loomis had been a family friend for years, and I knew he had a son, but I hadn't seen him in a while.
Matt chuckled nervously and waved his hand as if to dismiss his own question. "Just wondering. He kind of looks like him, that's all."
Just then, the boy turned around in his seat and our eyes met. He raised an eyebrow, clearly having overheard our conversation. "Yeah, that's my dad," he said, a hint of challenge in his voice. "Why?"
Matt shifted uncomfortably in his seat, clearly not expecting such a direct response. "Oh, um, no reason. Just curious, that's all."
The boy, Brandon Loomis, as I now knew him to be, nodded slowly, as if accepting Matt's explanation. Then, to my surprise, he introduced himself with a small smile. "Brandon Loomis. And you are...?"
"Lily Anderson. Nice to meet you, Brandon."
“I'm Matt by the way,” Matt chimed in.
A flash of something—was it pain?—crossed Brandon's face, but it was quickly replaced with a smile. "Nice to meet you both. Your dad's a good man, Lily. He helped me out a lot."
I could only imagine what Brandon had been through. I remembered hearing snippets about his kidnapping a while back, but I had no idea what he must have endured. No wonder he hadn't been in school until now.
"Well, I hope the rest of the year goes well for you," I signed sincerely.
Brandon smiled at me again, and I felt a warm glow spread through my chest. "Thanks, Lily. I hope so too."
As the homeroom continued, Mr. James had us all introduce ourselves and played some icebreaker games to help us get to know each other better. It was actually kind of fun, and it took my mind off Karla and her new friends for a while.
One of the things we had to do was share a fun fact about ourselves. When it was Matt's turn, he revealed that he was the son of Mayor Weston and a great friend of my dad's. No wonder he seemed so familiar! I knew my dad would be thrilled to hear that Matt and I had become friends.
Before I knew it, the homeroom was over, and Matt, Brandon, and I headed out into the hallway together. I was relieved to find out that we all had B lunch, so I wouldn't have to eat alone.
"So, where do you guys usually eat?" Brandon asked as we made our way down the crowded hallway.
"I don't know about Lily, but I usually just grab something from the cafeteria and eat outside," Matt replied.
I signed, "That sounds good to me. I like being outdoors."
Brandon nodded. "Yeah, me too. Although, I usually eat my lunch at Dillard's Diner since I work there after school. You guys should come by sometime. The food's pretty great."
"Definitely!" Matt said enthusiastically. "I love diner food. And hey, maybe we can even help you out sometime if you're short-staffed."
Brandon laughed. "Sure, why not? It can get pretty crazy on the weekends, so any extra hands would be appreciated."
As we made our way to the cafeteria, Matt started talking about his favorite band, Deftones. I had to admit, their music was a little too heavy for my tastes, but Matt was so passionate about it that I found myself getting drawn in.
"You know, you should check out their album 'White Pony,'" Matt said. "It's a classic. My dad actually introduced me to them, and I've been hooked ever since."
I signed with a smile, "My dad's always trying to get me into his favorite bands too. He's a big fan of The Beatles and Queen."
"Oh, those are classics," Brandon chimed in. "My dad's more of a country music guy, but I've definitely grown to appreciate some of the older stuff."
While we ate lunch, I pulled out my sketchbook and started drawing, something I often did when I was feeling nervous or needed a distraction. Matt and Brandon were curious and asked to see my drawings. I showed them some of my anime-style sketches, and they both complimented my work.
"Wow, Lily, these are amazing!" Matt exclaimed. "You're gonna be like Picasso one day."
I signed, feeling my face heat up with embarrassment. "Thanks, Matt. That's really nice of you to say."
Brandon nodded in agreement. "Seriously, you're really talented. I wish I could draw like that."
As lunch came to an end, Matt and Brandon suggested that they walk me to my next class. I was surprised but pleased that they wanted to stick together. My next class was Choir, and thankfully, it was just down the hall.
"So, Lily, do you sing?" Brandon asked as we walked.
I signed, feeling a little self-conscious. "A little. I mean, I really want to sing, but I'm not sure I'm any good."
"Don't be shy, Lily," Matt said with a grin. "I bet you have a great voice."
I felt my face flush again, but I was glad that Matt and Brandon seemed so supportive. As we reached the choir room, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for whatever the class might bring. I slowly pushed open the door to the choir room, unsure of what to expect. The room was dark, but as my eyes adjusted, I could make out the outlines of rows of chairs facing a small stage. The room had a strange beauty to it, with its blue and white color scheme and intricate design carvings. I made my way to an empty chair near the exit, wanting to keep a low profile.
Before long, a flood of girls began to pour into the room, chattering and laughing. I recognized many of them from the Meadows Dale Advanced Academic Program. My heart sank a little as I spotted Brianne Becker, one of the most popular girls in school, deep in conversation with Meg Peterson. They were giggling about some guy they both apparently liked. Brianne's eyes suddenly landed on me, and her smile faded. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, feeling self-conscious under her gaze.
Alyssa entered the room, and the atmosphere seemed to brighten. Brianne's face lit up, and she rushed over to give Alyssa a hug. "I'm so happy you're in this class!" she exclaimed. Alyssa smiled back, her warm hazel eyes shining. I felt a small sense of relief seeing her friendly face.
Following Alyssa were Mandy, Fiona, Leslie, Hannah, Emma, and Karla. They all seemed to be deep in their own conversations, and I felt even more alone. Karla was telling Fiona about getting her nails done, and Fiona was expressing her dislike for acrylics. I stood up and waved at Karla, trying to get her attention. She had been one of my few friends in middle school, but something had changed between us lately.
Alyssa, however, made her way over to me and offered a genuine greeting. "Hi, Lily! It's so great to see you in this class," she said, her eyes sparkling with sincerity. I felt a small smile tug at my lips. At least there was one person here who didn't seem to mind my presence.
Entering through the red velvety curtains of the stage, a woman with brunette hair, who looked to be in her early 40s, emerged from behind the stage. She had an air of enthusiasm about her as she introduced herself as Mrs. Becker, Brianne's mother. I remembered hearing that they were related, and at the time, I had thought it was sweet that a mother and daughter shared the same class.
Mrs. Becker instructed us all to take our seats and explained that this class was for girls only. She then asked each of us to come up on stage and recite the Do-Mi-Re-Fa-So syllables so that she could group us into sections of eight. My heart sank as I realized I would have to sing in front of everyone.
One by one, Mrs. Becker called each girl up to the stage. Some of the girls had okay voices, while others were truly talented. Then it was Brianne's turn. Her voice was like an angel's, a beautiful soprano that filled the room. Fiona and Emma also impressed me with their deep, rich alto voices. Mandy, Leslie, and Hannah had high-pitched, yet well-controlled voices that blended beautifully.
Alyssa and Karla were the last to go, and they both had perfect voices. Alyssa's voice was like honey, smooth and warm. But it was Karla who really stood out. She sounded like a pop idol, her voice clear and powerful. I found myself getting lost in the music, forgetting my worries for a moment.
Then Mrs. Becker called my name, and my heart sank. I nervously made my way up the stairs to the stage, my hands trembling at my sides. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. As I opened my mouth to sing, an awful, screeching noise escaped. My throat instantly sting, as the aftertaste of metallic overwhelmed my mouth. It was so bad that Mrs. Becker immediately cut me off.
"Why are you in this class, Lily?" she asked, a hint of annoyance in her voice.
I looked at her sadly and signed, "I don't know. I didn't choose this class."
Mrs. Becker softened a little, seeing my dejected expression. "Well, you better discuss these matters with a counselor about switching, because there are better candidates out there who want a spot in this class," she said bluntly.
I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment as I made my way back to my seat at the very back of the room. I could feel the eyes of the other girls on me, and I heard their stifled laughter. Karla's laughter rang out the loudest, stabbing me like a knife. Alyssa was the only one who didn't join in, her face a mask of disappointment. I wasn't sure if she was disappointed in me or in the other girls' behavior.
It was next week, I got out of my algebra class heading towards the office. I had to wait till Monday, since during the first few days, my assigned counselor was not available. I was already antsy of finally getting out of that Choir class, I couldn’t deal another day with a class I clearly didn’t fit in. My schedule in my hand, I pulled the door open, being greeted by the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip muffins. Nervousness ran through me, wondering what type of counselor Dr. Wells would be.
The door was wide agape, leading me into the source of that muffin smell. Sitting there on a working desk, was a man typing on his laptop. He looked a bit exhausted, almost to the point that he slumped on his chair. Tilting my head, I nudged on his shoulders, trying to shake him awake. I couldn’t help but feel warmth radiating in my cheeks.
“Huh? Oh, hello there Lily. What brings you here?” Dr. Wells jolted up, probably noticing how close I was to his face. I backed away, sitting down on a red couch next to him.
“I want to change classes please.”
Mr. Wells nodded off, scooting his chair back towards his mahogany desk. He searched up my schedule, turning his laptop to my view. “Oh, I see. In what class do you want to change?”
I nervously let out a breath, as I finally let out what emotions I was holding. “I don’t know why you assigned me Choir, but everyone in that class hates me. I really need that class changed, Dr. Wells.”
I saw my counselor's lip repeatedly twitched a bit, before he gathered his composure. Dr. Wells looked up from his desk, his kind face softening as he saw me. "Lily, I want to apologize profusely for putting you in that situation."
I signed, feeling a little comforted by his words. "It's okay. I did want to be in that class, but I just... I felt so out of place with all the other girls laughing at me."
Dr. Wells sighed and rubbed his temple. "I'm truly sorry, Lily. I was told you loved music and thought you would enjoy the class. But it's clear that it wasn't a good fit. Do you have another class in mind that you'd like to take instead?"
I nodded and signed, "Art class. I heard my friend Brandon is taking that, and I've always loved drawing."
Dr. Wells typed something into his laptop. “Consider it done. I'll have the change processed by tomorrow, if not sooner. In the meantime, help yourself to a muffin. The library teacher made them for me, and they're delicious."
I smiled and took one of the muffins, taking a bite. "Are you and the library teacher... a thing?" I asked, feeling a little bold.
Dr. Wells laughed, a deep, hearty sound that filled the room. "No, no, nothing like that. Just colleagues. She knows I have a sweet tooth, so she often shares her baking creations with me."
I felt a wave of relief wash over me. It was probably one of the few times I'd developed a crush on someone, and as usual, it was harmless and something I'd get over quickly. Dr. Wells was one of those crushes indeed. I stood up from my chair, feeling much better than when I arrived. "Well, thank you, Dr. Wells. I better head to class soon."
Dr. Wells smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Of course, Lily. And remember, if you ever need someone to chat with, my door is always open."
Later that day, during lunch, I made my way to our usual table with Brandon and Matt. They were already deep in conversation about their morning classes.
"PE is a nightmare," Matt was saying. "All the athletes make fun of me because I'm not as fast or strong as they are. It's frustrating."
Brandon nodded sympathetically. "I heard you beat Ryan on the pacer test, though. That's impressive."
Matt shrugged, taking a bite of his apple. "It was just luck, honestly. Ryan got too cocky and sprained his knee on the seventy-ninth lap. I just kept a steady pace.”
I signed to Matt, "You should still be proud. I bet your dad was happy."
Matt smiled. "He was. It's not every day I get to impress him, especially when it comes to sports. You know how Mayor Weston was a star athlete back in his day."
I laughed, and then took a bite of my sandwich. "Speaking of impressing people, I have some news. I'm switching out of choir class and into art elective. Hopefully, I'll be in the same class as you, Brandon."
Brandon's face lit up. "That's great! I'm so glad you'll be joining us. Art class is a lot of fun.”
Matt nodded in agreement. "I'm happy for you, Lily. But why are you leaving Choir? I thought you loved singing."
My smile faltered, and I looked down at my lap. "It's just... it's not the right fit for me," I signed.
Matt frowned, chewing on his apple. "Is Mrs. Becker too mean? I've heard she can be hard on students who aren't part of the popular crowd."
"No fair," I signed, my eyes pleading with him to understand.
Brandon nodded. "It really isn't fair, Matt. That's why I prefer to keep a low profile. Popularity contests aren't worth the hassle.”
Just then, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I turned to see Karla standing there, a sad look on her face. "Lily, can I talk to you?" she asked, her voice soft and hesitant.
I hesitated, signing, "Why?”
With a strand of hair tucked behind her ear, she leaned in and whispered, "I want to talk to you in private."
I glanced at Matt and Brandon, signing, "I'll be back, okay?"
Matt nodded, his eyes curious. "We'll be here. Take your time."
I followed Karla to the girl's bathroom, my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn't sure what this was about, but I sensed it was important to her. Once we were inside, Karla pulled out a juul vape from her pocket and took a hit. The sweet smell of watermelon filled the air.
"Want a hit?" she offered, holding it out to me.
I was curious, so I signed, "Sure."
I took a cautious drag, expecting to choke, but surprisingly, I didn't. Karla laughed, "I guess you already know how to smoke. Not so innocent after all, huh?"
I rolled my eyes. "I learned from watching Effy in Skins. It's not like I've never seen it before."
Karla laughed again, a genuine sound that seemed to break through the tension between us. "Look, Lily, I wanted to apologize for what happened in the choir. I shouldn't have laughed. It was mean, and I'm sorry."
I stayed silent, unsure of how to respond. A part of me wanted to accept her apology, but another part was still hurt by her earlier behavior. Before I could say anything, Karla cut in, "I know it doesn't make up for it, but I want to make it up to you. How about I take you to the skating rink this evening? It's one of our favorite places, remember?"
I hesitated, considering her offer. Finally, I signed, "Okay, I guess."
Karla's face lit up, and she gave me a quick hug. "Great! I'll text you the details. See you later, okay?" And with that, she left the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I walked back to the cafeteria, my mind racing. Matt rushed over to me, his eyes full of questions. "How did it go? What did she want?" he asked.
"It went okay," I replied, signing as I continued. "Karla invited me to the skating rink this evening."
Brandon's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know, Lily. Karla hangs out with those choir girls. I don't think we can trust her, especially after what happened."
I bit my lip, understanding his concern. "What if I sneak you and Matt in too? That way, if anything goes south, we'll be together."
Matt's eyes lit up. "That's a brilliant idea! I'm in."
A small smile tugged at my lips. "It's settled, then. We're going skating."
That afternoon, I waited on the porch for Karla to pick me up. The sun was starting to set, casting a warm glow over everything. My dad emerged from the house, dressed in his sheriff's uniform. "Why are you wearing your uniform on your day off?" I asked, curious.
He chuckled, patting my back. "Got called into work. Something strange is going on. Don't worry, I'll be fine."
I signed, "Be safe, Dad."
“I will, honey. Have fun with Karla, okay.” He smiled and gave me a thumbs-up before heading off. A minute later, a black Chevy pulled up, and I recognized it as Mrs. Becker's car. Karla leaned out the window and waved me over.
I took a deep breath and climbed into the back seat. Besides Karla, there were a few other girls from the choir class—Mandy, Hannah, Emma, Leslie, Fiona, and Brianne. Alyssa was noticeably absent.
Noticing my curious glance, Karla explained, "Alyssa had track practice. She couldn't make it."
I signed, "That's nice."
Brianne turned to Mrs. Becker and asked, "Can we get some McDonald's shakes? Please?"
Mrs. Becker smiled. "Of course, sweetie. Does anyone else want one?"
Everyone nodded eagerly, and Mrs. Becker placed an order for nine shakes. Emma and Leslie wanted vanilla, Brianne wanted the seasonal spice pumpkin flavor, Hannah and Fiona requested strawberry, Karla and Mandy chose chocolate, and Mrs. Becker asked about my preference.
"Mint, please," I said, making a gesture of a mint leaf.
Mrs. Becker smiled. "Mint it is. Anything for my girls."
I felt a warm glow spread through me. Maybe, just maybe, they were starting to like me. I took a long sip of my mint shake, savoring the cool, refreshing taste.
"Chocolate is definitely the best flavor," Mandy declared, taking a sip from her own shake. "Nothing beats the classic."
"Pumpkin spice is where it's at," Brianne interjected, taking a sip of her pumpkin spice shake. "It's got that perfect blend of sweet and spicy. It's like autumn in a bite."
"Are you kidding?" Mandy scoffed. "Chocolate is timeless. It's the ultimate comfort food. Pumpkin spice is just a fad.”
"Oh c'mon! Pumpkin spice is leagues better," Brianne retorted. "It's a limited edition for a reason."
The other girls joined in, each defending their favorite flavor. I snickered at their playful bickering, feeling a sense of warmth despite the earlier tension.
About ten minutes later, Mrs. Becker pulled into the parking lot of a magenta-colored building. The girls piled out of the car, and I followed them inside, curious about our destination. Mrs. Becker turned to Brianne and said, "I'll pick you girls up at 8 pm sharp. I need to head home and take care of your little sister."
Brianne gave her mom a quick hug and yelled out, "Okay! Love you, mom!" Then she joined the choir group, whispering something in Karla's ear that made her smile in an unsettling way.
Karla walked over to me and whispered, "Hey, Lily, I want to take you to our hiding spot. It's been a while since we hung out there."
I brightened at the idea, signing, "I've missed that place. We used to act like it was our studio booth."
“Uh-huh,” Karla led me to an abandoned janitor's closet that was blocked off with a "Do Not Enter" sign. She opened the door, and I slid inside, feeling a rush of nostalgia. I slid inside the small, dimly lit closet and sat criss-cross on the floor, my heart racing with anticipation. Karla joined me, and for a moment, we just sat there, our knees touching, the silence comfortable between us.
"I've missed you, Lily," Karla signed, her expression softening.
"I've missed you too," I signed back, my heart warming at the sentiment. "It feels like it's been ages since we really talked." I looked down, my smile fading slightly. "I've missed the old Karla. The one who was always on my side, no matter what."
Karla furrowed her eyebrows, her face a mask of confusion. "What do you mean? I haven't changed, Lily. I've just matured."
I scoffed, shaking my head. "Matured? Making fun of someone less popular than you isn't mature, Karla. It's just mean spirited."
Her eyes widened at my words, and I could see the hurt flash across her face. "I haven't been making fun of you, Lily. I—"
"Yes, you have," I interrupted, my anger bubbling to the surface. "I know exactly what you and your new friends have been trying to do. You've been pretending I don't exist, like I'm not even worth acknowledging.”
Karla's face contorted with frustration. "That's not true, Lily! You always have to make everything about your disability. If anyone's changed, it's you. You used to be so happy, always laughing and joking around. Now, you just cry and complain when things don't go your way."
I signed angrily, my hands moving frantically. "How can you say that, Karla? I don't mind if you want to be more popular, but you're acting like you don't even know me. You're trying to pretend we're not friends."
Her eyes filled with tears, and her voice shook. "Maybe I don't want to be friends with you anymore, Lily. Maybe you're too held up in the past, too stuck in your own little world. You're a sad, pathetic sap, and I—"
Before she could finish her sentence, I punched her squarely in the face. The force of the blow knocked her back, and she stumbled, her hand flying to her nose.
"I wish I'd never met you, Karla!" I angrily figured my fingers around, my breathing being audible in the small space. "I wish you'd never been my friend! I wouldn't care if you dropped dead right now!"
Karla's eyes widened in shock, and tears began to stream down her face. Without another word, she turned and ran out of the janitor's closet, leaving me alone in the dimly lit space. I trembled as I crouched down in the corner, my heart pounding in my chest. I had never hit anyone before, and now I wished I could take it back. It was rather immature of me to end that way with Karla. Especially when this was the last memory I had of her alive.
Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream pierced the silence, freezing me in place. It was Karla. My eyes widened in horror as I realized what I had done. I rose to my feet and ran out of the closet, my heart pounding in my chest. As I turned the corner, I came face to face with a masked man. He was tall and imposing, his mask was painted like a 1940s woman with green eyeshadow, vibrant red blush, and blood-red lips. His copper-blonde wig fell in sleek waves, contrasting with his all-black suit.
The man walked slowly towards me, his gloved hand reaching out. I kicked him in the abdomen, my fear fueling my strength. But he was too strong. He grabbed me by the waist, his gloved finger pressing against my lips.
"My little flower, I am so happy to see you." he whispered, his voice deep and gravelly.
Before I could scream or struggle, he covered my mouth with a rag. It took a while for the chloroform to finally take effect, as I remembered my last thoughts were about Karla. Sometimes I wished this encounter was just an elaborate prank played by Brianne. However it is never the case.
When I woke up, I woke up to the sound of a girl's voice, soft and melodic. My eyes felt heavy, my body sluggish as I tried to lift my head. The singing was familiar, reminding me of Karla. My heart stirred at the memory of my friend, and I tried to shake off the grogginess that clouded my mind.
As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I realized I was restrained to a bed, my wrists and ankles bound. Panic surged through me, and I struggled against my bonds, my heart racing.
The singing continued, and I finally located the source—a television mounted on the wall across the room. My eyes widened as I recognized the singer. It was Karla, her face bruised and beaten, her eyes closed as she sang "Once Upon a December" from the animated movie "Anastasia." Her voice was shaky but serene, and tears pricked my eyes as I watched her performance.
I opened my mouth to scream, but only a weakened screech escaped my throat. I tugged at my restraints, desperation fueling my strength. I had to get out of here. I had to help Karla.
Catching me off guard, the door swung open, and the masked man from my encounter at the janitor's closet stepped into the room. My heart sank at the sight of him, and I shrunk back against the bed, my breath coming in short gasps.
He carried a plate of applesauce, his gloved hands setting it down on a table by the bed. "Good morning, my little flower," he said, his voice deep and distorted by the mask. "Your friend has a lovely voice," he remarked. "Have you ever wanted to sing like that?”
I shook my head, my eyes never leaving his face. I mouthed the words, "Let her go.”
The Masked Man smiled sadly. "Your friend has been let go. Don't worry, she's no longer suffering.”
I wanted to scream, to demand that he release me, but my voice failed me. The masked man approached the bed, his eyes cold and unfeeling. He picked up the spoon and dipped it into the applesauce, then brought it to my mouth.
"Open up, sweetie," he cooed. "You need to keep up your strength."
I turned my head away, my body rigid with fear. I didn't want his help, I didn't want anything to do with him.
"Now, now, none of that," he chided, his gloved hand gently tilting my chin back towards him. "You need to eat. And one day, my little flower, you will sing too. And it will be the most beautiful voice anyone has ever heard."
Tears slipped down my cheeks as he forced the spoon into my mouth, the applesauce tasting bitter on my tongue. I choked down the food, my throat constricting with fear and anger.
The masked man set the plate down and pulled me into a tight embrace, his gloved hands stroking my hair. "Shh, my little flower. Everything will be alright. I'm here to take care of you."
I sobbed into his chest, my body shaking with grief and terror. I had no idea where I was, no concept of how much time had passed since I had been taken. All I knew was that Karla was in danger, and I was powerless to help her. The masked man held me until my sobs subsided, then gently laid me back down on the bed. "Rest now. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow."
With that, he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I closed my eyes, my mind reeling. The next time I woke, it was to the sound of my mother's sobs. I blinked groggily, my vision blurry as I tried to focus. I was in a hospital room, my mother sitting by my bedside, her face wet with tears. Matt and Brandon, my closest friends, were also there, their faces etched with concern.
"Mom?" I raised one of my hands, my fingers weak and stiff.
My mother's head snapped up, and she rushed to my side, her hands grasping mine. "Lily, oh, Lily, you're awake!" She smiled through her tears, her voice shaking. "I thought I'd lost you.”
I placed my palm to touch her cheek, my throat too dry to speak. Matt and Brandon stood by silently, their eyes filled with relief.
I then asked the big question, signing, "What... happened?"
Matt nervously stuttered, "We... We found you inside an old shed near the skating rink. You were... you were unconscious, and we called for help right away."
Brandon added, "Before that, you were missing for roughly 33 hours. We searched everywhere for you.” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat, unable to meet my gaze.
"You're safe now, Lily," my mother said, stroking my hair. "That's all that matters. There's nothing to worry about anymore."
I shook my head, my eyes flying open. Where was Karla? I signed, "Where's Karla?”
My mother's face crumpled, and fresh tears slid down her cheeks. "She's... she's still missing, Lily. We don't know where she is."
I closed my eyes, the weight of my guilt crushing me. If I hadn't fought with Karla, none of this would have happened. It was my fault she was still out there, alone and in danger.
The days turned into weeks, and Karla remained missing. The police conducted an extensive search, but there were no leads, no clues as to her whereabouts. I blamed myself, replaying the events of that fateful day over and over in my mind.
Three weeks after my rescue, the news channel delivered a devastating blow. Karla Reyes, aged 15, had been found dead, her body buried near the Yellow Rock River. She had suffered multiple bone fractures, and the unsettling detail—she had been missing her vocal cords and larynx.
I recalled the day vividly, the sun shining brightly through my hospital window as the news anchor delivered the grim update. I had broken down, sobbing uncontrollably, the reality of what had happened hitting me like a ton of bricks. I remember wanting to just die, to pay for what I have done. If I hadn't had my friends Matt and Brandon, I wouldn't have been alive writing this. And yet, I never told anyone about The Masked Man or what had transpired that day—until now. Sometimes I wonder if Karla could hear my prayers, wishing that she deserved better than this, and I'm sorry for causing her death. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I needed to say next.
Karla Reyes may have been the first victim, but she certainly wasn't the last. There were 7 more Choirs Girls left.