Spoiler: If my books ever gets published, the fact that this character is autistic isn’t revealed until later in the series, so I guess it’s a spoiler. 😂
(This is very long, but if you want to give me any advice, please keep reading. I’ll get to the point eventually, I promise. The beginning is just context.)
So, I’ve been working on this book for a long time. I haven’t published any books at all yet, but I’ve wanted to be an author for several years and I’ve been working on this book series since elementary school. I’ve just started taking it seriously and making actual plans for the series these last two years. (Because so far, it’s only been character designs, written comedy skits, backstories, etc.)
I won’t reveal too much of the plot (and please don’t take any of my ideas, I’m paranoid, I know 😭), but I plan on making the main character autistic. This IS a recent development.
People keep telling me to write what I know, so ever since I’ve made up this book (in elementary school), I’ve been giving each character a few of my personality traits or habits. This made me able to connect more to the characters. However, ever since I’ve started suspecting that I’m autistic, I think I’ve subconsciously given the main character many of the traits and habits I have that make her seem autistic as well.
I decided to lean into this idea, especially because the entire book has an overarching theme of inequality, discrimination, and self-discovery. I wanted to accurately portray the main character’s autism and narrate her life through the lens of her personality and experiences.
Her backstory (which I won’t go into too much detail with for the sake of spoilers) is that she’s a heavily isolated individual and that she didn’t have a lot of social connections for several years growing up. (She is a teenager, by the way.)
This is COMPLETELY unrelated to her autism and the overarching theme of discrimination and inequality isn’t focused on autism or neurodiversity specifically. It’s meant to be a dystopian future disguised as a utopia where equality is actually prominent. Neurodiversity, race, gender, etc. isn’t discriminated against and is actually recognized as an important, meaningful part of society instead of a problem. The discrimination in the books is actually against machines (probably a cliché, I know).
Something that might be a contentious subject is the fact that the main character is a cyborg. (She’s meant to be a bridge between humans and machines in the books.)
Now, first, she’s NOT emotionless. (Neither are the machines because the entire point of the book is to show that sentient creatures all have feelings and emotions.) In fact, she’s very upbeat, optimistic, and energetic in most situations, despite her childhood and backstory (which she discovers is horrible later on). The tragedies she suffered are things that she chooses to view as ultimately good, no matter how terrible they were (which she does recognize), because it got her to where she is now. (The trauma she experienced was a controlling guardian and the surgery she underwent that made her a cyborg.) But she also has her weak moments, some involving overstimulation or meltdowns or shutdowns.
Second, she’s not the only autistic character. The other autistic character is a successful, middle-aged, male adult who is fully human, which I’m pretty confident removes the implication that the MC is autistic just because she’s partially robotic. As do the many background characters that are also autistic.
I feel that the MC is very humanized and she has her strengths and weaknesses, some of them unrelated to her neurodivergence.
But here lies a problem with her being a cyborg:
Both autistic characters, which obviously play a big role in the story, are very smart. The adult male is very good at recognizing patterns and he’s very brilliant, which probably will be recognized as a sign of autism. The MC, though, is only as smart as she is because she’s a cyborg. Her mind has access to the entire internet and artificial intelligence that gives her a lot of answers to everything. Although she sometimes misunderstands or misinterprets some of the information she gets, it doesn’t change the fact that her partially artificial brain grants her plenty of intelligence. I don’t want to imply that all autistic people are some kind of untouchable, inhuman geniuses. That’s obviously not true and the last thing I want is to contribute to that unreasonable, unrealistic standard or alienate the autistic community any further.
Is there anything I can do to improve the MC and just generally portray autistic characters more accurately?
(Sorry it took so long to get to the point 😂)

the night before my chem paper 1, i was stressing profusely over the exams seeing that my predicted grade was a 9a which isn't good enough for me so i endeavoured to rest my head in order to tranquilise the chaos inside my mind and find some solace. however, overnight, all of my chemistry knowledge had perished; i dreamt it was squandered by a malevolent leprechaun with a macabre, sinister pattern of speech consisting of a strict ABABAB rhyme scheme and trochaic tetrameter signifying his desire for power and avarice for the acquisition of knowledge. my gargantuan intellect slipped through my fingers; I had been Light Yagami before (metaphor; i was not literally the antihero protagonist), with the chemistry knowledge of Walter White and a reputation that truly preceded me as when i walked to school that morning i realised i would be receiving a U despite my overwhelming intellect. destitute, despaired, despondent. if only that machiavellian villian hadn't seized my smarts. i held a vast sea of repressed rage inside of me, and once i opened my paper to a 6 marker on equilibria, i arose from my creaky chair and disenthralled a mighty bellow, tearing my shirt apart with my bare fists like the hulk, and releasing my agonising mental anguish through the form of sound waves in which shook the mortal ground, quaking under my feet in submissive obedience. this caused most of the students in the silent hall to turn to look at me in disbelief, so in a fit of anger i lost my temper and absolutely dashed my desk at the nearest student. (he suffered minor fractures to his skull and a couple bruises but nothing major. not that i could say the same for the desk; alas, it had shattered into fragments.) the students in the hall gasped in shock at the sight of their classmate consummating the role of the catalyst for a catastrophic carnage to emenate (note my alliteration of the fricative "c" amplifying the harshness of the situation). another ear-piercing screech ensued, resounding from the molten iron core of my chest, as I threw myself to the ground in defeat.
now then, any moral person witnessing this incident would clearly relate to my pain and suffering, and would at the very least leave me to grieve the remnants of a drained IQ of 341, but an invigilator chose to approach me and had the AUDACITY to REMOVE me from the hall. i was promptly disqualified and issued several consequences for disrupting the exam. this is clear evidence that examiners do not care for mental health, a stark contrast to the claims held by thousands of them worldwide. it is time to take action. it is time to make a change. it is time to fire every invigilator in the country and beyond; students' feelings shouldn't be invalidated and we have the right to express them in any form necessary, especially during the stressful exam period. i listen to the drone of students chattering as they leave the exam and i think to myself about my perpetual experiences with being dismissed and punished for natural behaviour. i can no longer pursue my lifelong aspiration of becoming a high-school chemistry teacher in Alberquerque, New Mexico because this examiner was unable to CONTROL THEMSELF IN THE EXAM HALL. they didn't even think about how much escorting me out would disturb the hardworking students completing their questions. for this reason you must make a stand against invigilators; join me in my venture to cease this barbaric treatment of well-behaved, well-prepared students such as myself.

So I've (F25) been dating my BF (34M) for about 3 years. I'm from the states and he's from Canada. We started off as a LDR but we kept having insecurity problems so he asked me to move in with him until he was able to move to the states. I have major trust issues with him because in the beginning of our relationship I had set my boundaries out and he did not respect them.When we were in the talking stage, he told me he still had pictures/videos of his ex and he jerked off to them many times after they broke up, as soon as we wanted commit to a relationship, I told him he needed to delete all his pictures and videos he had of her because that makes me feel like he's not over her still. I also told him that I am against him watching porn because it makes me feel very little about myself and as if he prefers those girls over me. I told him to not get into a relationship if he thinks he can't respect that but he said he would.
To circle back, the first visit he made (when we first met) he had grabbed my ass and said I shouldn't work out too much because he doesn't like a firm ass, he likes when it jiggles-which gave me the impression that he doesn't like my ass because tbh I dont have a jiggly ass so it made me very insecure about myself. When we were LD we would have a lot of kinky talk because he preferred it so he would mention a lot about having threesomes and him fucking black girls and having their jiggly ass bounce on him and often, l couldn't take it much so I would hang up on him mid conversation because it wasn't hot to me at all and I was trying to be cool about it but it would get to me. We would fight and then make up but it took a big toll on my self esteem. Also, I'm the type of person who loves giving words of affirmation. I love complimenting him and making him known how much I'm attracted to him but he is not the same at all. We would constantly argue because I would constantly recall our sex talks and him not making me feel like he was attracted to me at all, especially after always complimenting him made me feel like we didn't view each other the same. Every time he came down to visit me since day 1, I had always found history of porn searches or old videos/ pictures on his email sent from him from a while ago of his ex. And he hesitated so bad to delete pictures because he said he didn't have any pictures of him from that time so he didn't want to get rid of the only memories he had of himself through those years of dating his ex, and he didn't want to be controlled by me when we just started dating. I told him he didn't have to delete them, he could just crop them if it meant that much for him. I just don't feel comfortable him having pictures of themselves, much less the fact that he still had sex videos of them and naked pictures of her after they broke up. Maybe it's a normal thing for guys but I would have preferred for him to been the guy that got rid of that if he was really over her.
So from constant ups and downs being LD, he said to move in with him and all will be better. He'll show how much he loves me and wants me by having sex with me everyday. I had recently quit my job before I moved to Canada and he said to not get a job and just move with him and he'll take care of my car note, phone bill and etc. (which lasted only two months) My goal was to become a corporate flight attendant and he wasn't too excited about that because he said he didn't want me to be around richer guys than him but he was supportive as he could be. Now I've been in Canada since November of 2023 and I felt like my life was passing me by because I wasn't doing anything to get closer to my goals. I don't have any family or friends here so my bf is all I got and he seemed to get annoyed of me constantly being around him and trying to hang out. He just wanted to smoke after work and be on his phone, meanwhile I was just at home not doing much but cleaning and cooking so I looked forward to him coming home so we can spend time together. After us talking things out, he decided to put me in aesthetician school because since I love skincare, he thought it'd be a great match for me as a career. All his idea. I was very appreciative and I looked forward to this new routine in life for the both of us but we had an ugly habit of sleeping late so I asked him once I start school, let's sleep early.
The night before my first day of school, he did not support that. He whined about how he isn't sleepy but I have a hard time not sleeping with him because i stay up paranoid wondering what he's doing up and not just that but his condo has paper thin walls so you could hear every little breath made and I'm a light sleeper so realizing that he was not being true to our agreement of sleeping early really upset me and that has been an ongoing thing to this day. I'm already about to finish school in the end of June but it has been a struggle managing my study and my relationship. Through out the entire time of my study, I have found out back to back that he has been watching porn. When I've confronted him about him, he tries to avoid it until I nag for the truth. First time I saw porn on his phone when living with him was on Reddit and it was all about threesomes and lesbian sex, considering my past before him he would find it hot that I had been with girls so l didn't get too offended, but still felt betrayed from him lying to me throughout the relationship when I randomly would ask him if he has watched porn and he'd swear up and down no but I forgave him. After the second, third and fourth time of constantly finding porn searches on his phone and him gaslighting me or saying it was a Reddit issue, I felt like I was just fooling myself into thinking he'll change but I wasn't ready to let go of the relationship, I cried and cried and stressed myself out and I would break up with him over it and he didn't care, he instead would go and watch more porn not caring about how it made me feel. He would apologize and say he's sorry and he won't do it again but when I wouldn't stop crying or arguing with him in less than 15mins, he would give up and go search for more porn. It ended up to the point where it wasn't just any porn anymore but women touching themselves specifically black girls- which makes me feel super insecure because it feels like he's admiring other women when I don't get admired by him at all. But I am so torn that while I'm crying about the betrayal and the relationship ending, he has the urge to go and jack off to porn and the thought of fucking other women. We stayed up a lot of times arguing and crying and him going back and forth about how sorry he was and he doesn't necessarily want those girls it was a just a rabbit hole he went down on and "he only wants me" but we're constantly fighting so I don't give him enough sex but when we don't make up and he doesn't get it his way, he's quick to searching for more. Meanwhile I'm at school with little sleep, not able to focus, he's a work searching more porn. I told him he has a problem but he says he doesn't, if just had sex with him more he wouldn't need porn. I told him I'm okay with watching porn together every now and then, I just prefer to have more intimate sex and at least feel more confident that he's attracted to me but obv right now would be too soon but he said we don't even need to watch porn, we just need to be consistent with having sex. So I decided to try to forgive him and work past it but I started to realize he kept sleeping with his phone hugged to his body, I asked him why and he said it was because he doesn't want me to go through it and get mad. I said why would I get mad? Have you been doing something that'll get me upset? And he said no so I said then he shouldn't have anything to worry about but him sleeping like that gives me reason to believe he's hiding something so if he had nothing to hide he should sleep comfortably. So l moved his phone beside him and we both dosed off but my gut was telling me I needed to check out his phone so I got up and went through it, went through his deleted msgs and saw he messaged a hooker and asked for her availability and got an address. We were broken up at the time because of the porn searches I found but even though we were not together I was still very offended because like I said earlier, while I'm crying about our relationship, he's entertaining himself with other women contradicting himself about how he loves me and wants me only. So the night I found that message I felt a huge relief, I was so surprised that I even felt that way at all. I started packing my things and he woke up and I asked him about it and he said it wasn't him, then he said it was for his dad, then he decided to say that he did message her but he never went to meet her. I didn't care to argue anymore but he kept saying over and over "we were broken up and I didn't cheat on you though." I told him I didn't care anymore and that I was going to go back home and I don't care to finish the school. Considering I don't have a job or income, I was going to use my moms card to buy a ticket but he didn't want me to since she's going through treatments so he said wait one day and I'll get you a ticket so I said fine, decided I would go to school might as well but I got sucked in back into the relationship because I just couldn't let go. Idk what's true or not, wether he went to that hooker or not but the love I have for him and the relationship, just made it harder to leave. At first it was easy but considering how close I am to finishing school and how I know being back home broken up would've been a heavier feeling than being here, I just got sucked back in and him constantly trying to say he loves me and fucking with me head, I came to the conclusion that he may just not know how to love so I told him we should do couples therapy and he agreed to it. Unfortunately we've only had two sessions so far but he doesn't seem patient enough to understand that I'm still hurting and that it's going to take some time to trust him or be comfortable to have sex. We have had sex and and I always end up feeling bad afterwards but I'm trying to be understanding of his sexual needs but this week was a very busy week for me at school and he wasn't helpful at home with chores so we ended up getting in bed late not having enough time to have intercourse for 3dsys. Today, he initiated it and although I knew 3days is too long for him, I wasn't feeling too good emotionally due to the past (it affects me and is on my mind 24/7) so I communicated that with him hoping we would discuss and get better but he got upset and said he was going to watch porn then. I begged him not to and he said no matter how much conversation we have, it was going to end with him cumming one way or another so l told him I feel torn between letting you go and watch porn or fuck my healing up and give you sex. I'm dammed if I do and I'm damned if I don't. Eventually we took a walk and talked things out and I told him if we had a better routine in life and he helped me around the house and slept at a decent time with me, we could have sex everyday but just like he prioritizes his crypto money, I want to prioritize my school and sleep at a convenient time and he understood but as soon as we got home from our walk and we had sex, he was quick to not caring to talk with me anymore about the relationship because he doesn't want to spend all day discussing about us and his life doesn't revolve around me and the relationship. And i got offended and decided to bring back history and say he can spend hours looking up girls, searching f young youth girls on fb and finding a good porn, god forbid he spends anymore time on the girl he claims to love to ease her mind. He got annoyed and went out. Please advise about this situation and what I should do. Our therapist's hasn't heard much about our problems, we've just been assigned to do certain homework but I feel like I just have a lot of resentment build up and I'm hanging by a thread so I would appreciate if anyone can advise
TL;DR sorry guys for the long post

To preface: 1) I’ve been having a grand ol’ time of late writing fables, bits of folklore, and religious and academic fragments for the sake of worldbuilding and also for the fun of it. 2) I only have vague ideas of “the narrative” of what would be novels, but I do have fragmented notes that could pass as outlines for smaller narratives. 3) the mood I’m going for is more a fairy story world - think Lord Dunsany - but with the stakes ramping into something more akin to Michael J Sullivan or Pierce Brown.
To pose a question:
First: yes, I know: write what I want to write and don’t fret too much on aspirations for publishing.
You as a reader - how keen would you be on a collection of short stories set in the same world, written from and highlighting different cultures of the world? Some of said shorts would be the fables, folklore, fragments of academic or religious texts, but mostly it would be narrative short stories, some of which with a straight old school fairy story feel. Many of the narratives include ancestors of the novel series I’m working on (the one I mentioned that currently lacks “the narrative”).
Thoughts on this as a writing approach? Would you as a reader read such a thing?
I’m trying to decide how to polish the short bits or if i should think of it more as a “behind the scenes” sort of thing.
Ask if any questions. Thank you for the conversation.

So with The Final Shape looming, it's got me thinking about storylines and stuff, and something occurred to me that I can't seem to resolve on my own. Hope ya'll can help me out.

A Loose Timeline

1. Traveler shows up in Sol
2. Humans travel to Mars to meet the Traveler
3. Traveler comes to Earth and bestows a Golden Age upon humanity
4. Near the close of the Golden Age, two prominent characters emerge, Clovis Bray and Maya Sundaresh
   1. Maya heads a research team for Ishtar Collective, primarily based on Venus, studying allegedly ancient Vex ruins and structures that seem to defy laws of time and space. Namely the Citadel, although they are also aware of the existence of the Vault of Glass
   2. Clovis is the namesake and head of the Clovis Bray corporation which is dedicated to pushing the limits of human potential at any cost. Often studies dangerous and unknown phenomena and artifacts found on the Moon and Europa, with little regard for the safety of his workers or test subjects. Clovis and his family created the Warmind Rasputin and the Exo’s.
5. On Venus, Maya and her team discover the scope of Vex simulation power through the simulations a small Vex is running about her and her team. With the help of Rasputin, they are able to “rescue” their simulated copies, and then disperse those into the Vex net to explore and study it.
   1. These copies are released into the Citadel, which is on Venus near the Vault of Glass
6. On Europa, Clovis discovers an ancient dark artifact that emits a power he calls “Clarity” which he uses to ultimately perfect the Exos by combining Clarity with Vex Mind Fluid and putting this inside the bodies of Exos.
   1. Vex mind fluid is harvested from a Vex world called Volantis, on the other side of the portal in the Glassway strike
7. Prior to this, Clovis’s corporation comes into possession of an item called the K1 Artifact. Found on the moon. It induces nightmares and insanity in people near it. It seems to be of the Darkness, possibly of the Witness or Nezerac, but it predates the arrival of either in Sol.
   1. But Clovis does recognize it and Clarity as being part of the same thing, the same network, etc.
8. Witness comes to Sol with the Veil to attempt to enact its Final Shape
   1. For some reason, the Veil is not with the Witness, but is with Nezerac aboard Nezerac’s Pyramid
9. Not sure of the exact order, but during this invasion the following things happen:
   1. Savathun defeats Nezerac, and takes the Veil from his ship to hide it away on Neptune
      1. (Why Neptune?)
   2. Mara Sov and the crew of her ship are caught in the crossfire and transported to a place that would become the Distributary
   3. Nezerac’s ship ends up on Luna
      1. (or was it always there?)
   4. The Witness seemingly abandoned its plans for some reason, and fled the system
   5. The Traveler released Ghosts out into the world who would raise Lightbearers
   6. At some point at or shortly after this failed invasion, the Witness attempts to recreate the Veil in the Black Garden.
      1. The Vex are involved but something doesn’t add up here.

Now For the Stuff That Doesn't Add Up

1. What is Clarity and what was the K1 artifact?
2. Both were in Sol seemingly LONG before the Collapse, which means long before the Traveler showed up, which means long before the Witness or any of it’s disciples would have visited Sol.
   1. The moon was formed when an asteroid collided with Earth. Is it possible that in Destiny’s universe, this collision contained things like K1?
   2. Why would Clarity be on Europa of all places, and why does Clarity breath when the other statues that resemble Clarity are still?
3. The Black Heart doesn’t make sense in this timeline even before the arrival of the Witness to the cannon.
4. Setting aside the Witness for a moment (just pretend it doesn’t exist for now)
   1. Going by D1 lore, it is the source of the Primeval Minds
   2. Primeval Minds were meant to bring forth the powers of the Vault of Glass
   3. The Vault of Glass may exist outside of time and space (is this true?), but even still, on Venus there are Ishtar records of it, as well as geo maps I believe that show it going down far underneath the surface of Venus.
   4. This means that it was there during the Golden Age, but we don’t know for how long
   5. If the Black Heart is what prevents the Traveler from healing, yet seemingly had no effect prior to that then that means one of two things:
   6. Either the heart was constructed after the Traveler went dormant
   7. Or the heart was inert or unable to affect the Traveler until after it went dormant
   8. Either way, the Traveler going dormant at a specific point in time was required for the relationship between the Primeval Minds and the Vault to become possible.
   9. If this was the plan all along, the Vex would have needed to be able to predict the actions and the intent of both the Traveler and the Black Fleet, which were both known to be paracausal forces
   10. If this wasn’t the plan, and was instead opportunistic action taken by the Vex, why did they add the Vault to Venus prior to any of this happening?
   11. This also does not provide insight into what the Black Garden is or why a Black Heart would grow there, or why Vex would be there.
5. If we bring the Witness back in, then some of this makes sense.
   1. The Witness seeking a copy of the Veil uses the Black Garden and apparently the Sol Divisive to construct it.
   2. This occurs after the Witness loses the Veil during the Collapse.
   3. But it does not answer where the Sol Divisive came from or what the Black Garden is.
   4. It also does not explain why the Witness would try to use the Vex to create the Heart, because a being this old and well traveled will have known the Vex limitations when it comes to paracausal simulation and construction.

What is so important about Sol for the Vex?

They can build a planet sized computer literally anywhere, out of anything. So why build their sensitive prediction engines near the Traveler and the Vanguard? For my purposes, we're going to skip the obvious gameplay related needs and focus on story reasons. Why is this happening in the story?

1. There are only three places where we see Vex that the Traveler has not also touched
2. Europa - They came through Clovis's portal and largely went dormant after the war there.
3. Neptune - They are apparently there for the Veil and later for Soteria
4. The Moon - They come through the Garden Portal when we complete the Shadowkeep campaign
   1. There are some Vex structures around the portal, but otherwise their influence on the Moon seems limited to small physical patrols of Sol Divisive Vex
5. Additionally there are four I know of that are not available or contaminated by Vex in game, but that we have accounts of
   1. Oryx's Throne World - Much like Europa, the Vex were only there because Crota opened a door too their space and let them in
   2. Volantis - The place Clovis's portal opens to
      1. Possibly the same place Crota accessed?
   3. The Leviathan -
      1. A mind that supposedly ran the Nessus planet computer was sucked into the Leviathan (so much for it's predictive powers...
      2. The Menagerie had Vex as well, but I don't remember if they came from Nessus with the Eater of Worlds boss, or if they were captured by Calus prioafter that.
   4. The Dreaming City - Season of the Wish they are in the city, in the tunnels created by Riven
6. What's interesting is that, of the places the Traveler HAS NOT touched, and where they are still present, Neptune is the only one where they are doing much of anything that isn't wholly reactive to other beings disturbing their stuff.
7. All other locations where we encounter the Vex, the Traveler also touched first
   1. Mercury
   2. Venus
   3. Earth
   4. Mars
   5. Io
   6. Nessus
8. So the Vex seem to have a pattern of showing strong interest in converting worlds the Traveler has also altered. They also seem very interested in the Veil.
   1. Oryx’s Throne World is also a place that keenly interested them, when Crota let them in. And it is also a paracausal location filled with beings that utilize paracausal power.
   2. Despite Clarity being present on Europa, and having a known interaction with Vex Mind Fluid, the Vex there are still mostly asleep.
   3. Same in terms of the Moon where there are known Darkness artifacts as well as a whole Pyramid, an entrance to Crota’s Throne World, and a number of Hive running around. But they are not active there in force anymore
9. And even though they seem to end up in other types of places, they don’t seem to do much there unless provoked.
10. The Vex have known the location of the Veil for some time, yet the Witness doesn’t. This means that either the Sol Divisive doesn’t know either, or they withheld that information somehow for some reason.
11. We don’t know what the Black Garden is yet.
    1. D1 frames it around the Black Heart, but as we can see that doesn’t even make sense by D1’s timeline
    2. D2 expands the framing through GoS and season of Undying. The Garden is it’s own thing, and the heart was added and removed later.
    3. Regardless, the Vex pattern of strong interest in converting things the Traveler has also altered, suggests to me that the Garden was probably also altered by the Traveler at some point
12. So it seems like the Vex are either obsessed with the Traveler, or they are obsessed with things the Traveler has converted for some reason. And that seems to be why we find they're big dangerous computation engines and stuff like that here in Sol, and why they don't just build them literally anywhere else.
    1. And while yes they do seem to build stuff elsewhere, those things just don't seem to do much. And we can tell because they haven't just built an infinite forest off in the Andromeda Galaxy somewhere where NOTHING could ever disrupt it and they could compute endlessly. Even the Valut of Glass, the seat of their most arcane and powerful frames, is close to the current location of the Traveler.

But why? Why do they follow it? Why do they care what it does? Why do they build their stuff near it? I still don't know...

To make a long and distressing story short, my almost 12 year old started Zoloft yesterday, late afternoon. She has some serious PTSD, anxiety, rage, isolation etc. I also believe she has undiagnosed ADHD. I have ADHD, and it was a late in life diagnosis. I have a neuropsych eval set up for her for later this month. (It was so difficult to find somebody for that, but that’s another story.) she has been actively refusing to go to school, isolating herself in her room with her phone. When we try to take away her phone, she gets violent and explosive. I took her to her psychiatrist for the first time yesterday, and they decided to start her on Zoloft 25 mg, I have been in panic mode about the adjustment.. I just can’t imagine things getting worse for her.
Today, she slept late as she always does. When she woke up, she was like a different kid. She’s enthusiastic. She’s happy. She hung out with her siblings, she decided she wanted to accompany her stepdad to the grocery store. They have had a rough relationship, and often fight. They are both making concerted efforts to remedy their problems, although, he is the adult, and the responsibility is primarily on him. However, she chose to go with him! She didn’t even bring her phone! She has been too anxious to go into a grocery store and at least five months.
This all seems excellent, but she just took her first dose yesterday, and my concern is it this will elevate into some sort of mania. How often does this happen? Is it possible that the medicine worked for quickly? This all seems excellent, but she just took her first dose yesterday, and my concern is it this will elevate into some sort of mania. How often does this happen? Is it possible that the medicine worked for quickly? I am not looking for medical advice.
I am not looking for medical advice. I am just looking for as many anecdotes I can find. I will, of course, be in touch with her provider. and it was a late in life diagnosis. I am also just too afraid to believe that this might just work, and be a component and her formula to heal.
I’m not sure if this made any sense, so, thank you for reading if you made it this far. I completely empathize with having debilitating mental health struggles. Watching your child suffer like that isn’t hell I would wish on anybody!

THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE FIC!
If i remember correctly, its some sort of simulation quirk test(to find the traitor, i think? might be wrong) that has Midoriya going first(?) when one of the instructors calls Todoroki to come and do it but he looks nervous and Midoryia offers to go instead. Everyone is able to see what is happening on a screen, and I'm pretty sure Midoriya warns Aizawa that his quirk quirk might react weirdly. (Some parts of this section may be wrong, i feel like i mixed 2 fics up)
The fic is basically him dying a bunch, in the beginning from being impaled on a metal pipe around 5-10 times.
Later on, he meets 3 or so different versions of himself, his villain/manipulative self, his middle school self, and his hero self. After a fight in a hospital(?), the story continues with the 'original' left behind being impaled by a metal pipe and the POV switches to the hero version instead.
I'm pretty sure he meets with the past holders of OFA either before or after that, but they also take control of his body near the end while he continues to try to get out of the simulation.
The story should be completed on AO3. Pretty sure there's even 1-2 extra stories on their account where we get to see how he is recovering and where we get a POV of Aizawa? The Aizawa POV might be in the original story, though.
It was a really nice fic, so I would also love some recommendations for fics similar to this one with the simulation type stuff! <3

I filled out the FAFSA in 2021, after graduating high school. I didn’t end up qualifying for anything and just went to a community college. However, when I did it the first time I used my bio dad and step mom’s information. Since then I have moved out of state to be closer to my bio mom and step dad, and am thinking about going back to school. When filling out the FAFSA again, would using my bio mom and step dad’s information the second time around create any issues? Either way, none of my parents are financially contributing to schooling, nor am I a dependent for any of them.

Am I wrong for being angry/upset for being called a liar and untrustworthy for telling my daughter that the movie popcorn has "butter" poured on top of it at the theater? The question came up from my daughter asking whether the movie popcorn has any nuts/peanuts in it because she has a nut allergy. I simply said, "No, it's just popcorn and butter and some salt." I know the liquid stuff they put on the popcorn isn't butter, even though the concession stand person asked if I wanted "butter." I grew up eating this stuff and have bought some in the past. I know it's some oil with coloring and salt. It could also be some other type of fatty substance they use, but I'm confident it doesn't contain nuts or tree nuts. The reason they even use this "butter" stuff in the first place is to keep it from going rancid if they use real butter. It's also cheap, so adding nuts would increase the cost. I know there is hazelnut flavoring (also fake and has no actual hazelnuts), and that's more expensive than "butter."
Anyway, my wife got pissed at me about lying to my daughter, and she deemed that I couldn't be trusted. My daughter has asked about whether there are nuts in pretty much everything. It's good that she's looking out for herself, but when she does this all the time, it gets pretty old. I didn't want to interrogate the concession stand staff about whether the popcorn or the fake butter stuff had any nuts/peanuts in it.
My wife kept bringing up trust a lot in the past several years because one time many years ago, I told her I wanted to get a divorce during a heated verbal argument because she was driving me nuts.
Here are some of the situations that have accumulated over the years and made me resent her more and more. I think I'm a trustworthy person, and I try my best to live with integrity. I have a high-paying professional job. I don't have any vices (alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc.). I also don't do much other than going to work and coming home. I go grocery shopping on the weekend and spend most of the time doing household chores on doing stuff on the computer.

• She got mad at me because I painted the window sill with polyurethane because it was getting moldy waiting for her to decide what wood treatments to put on the windows. This took almost a year and the wood already was getting moldy.
  
• She got mad at me for not telling her about a joint account I have with my mother. My mom felt that it was unfair that my wife has an investment account that her dad setup for her since she was a child. She never told me how much she has in that account, but we pay thousands in taxes every year because of it. When my wife found out about my account, she demanded that we split that money. I did so for my account, but she never shared her money from her own account with me because it's still invested. I have no idea how much money she has, and I don't care since it was her money before we got married. It just seems lopsided that somehow my money must be shared with her.
  
  • She got mad at me for getting in a fight with my mom when we went to visit her at my childhood home overseas. My mom was upset with us because she paid for the plane tickets (~$6k total) to fly to visit and offered her house for us to stay, but we repaid her generosity by only spending less than a couple days with her during our 2-week visit. My wife didn't want to stay in the city and would instead go off exploring. I got in a fight with my mom trying to defend my wife when my mom was accusing her of being ungrateful and rude to the family. Even today, my wife keeps saying how she can't trust my mom because "your mom is unstable and explosive".
  • She got mad at me for going to San Francisco for a week to get my mom (72 years old at the time) coming from overseas to visit a couple of places she wanted to visit for planning to relocate to the Bay Area. She didn't know anyone else in the US so she asked me to help her. She paid for all the expenses. At this point my mom also didn't like my wife so she didn't ask her to come. My wife said I shouldn't go and just let my mom deal with it herself. I hadn't seen my mother in 3 years at this point so I did want to see her and help her. I was also worried about her safety. My wife's family was living 10 minutes away from us so she couldn't understand why I would want to see my mom.
  • She got mad at me for planting grass seeds in our backyard when she went away for the weekend. Up to that point, my wife had already spent hundreds of dollars hiring random people to come to pluck out goutweed from the backyard to get rid of them. I read somewhere that grass can outcompete with goutweed so I decided to just plant the seeds. I didn't want to tell her because she kept delaying the decision to do anything with the backyard and we have goutweed growing everywhere despite all that money spent to get rid of them. The grass actually worked, and we have a grass lawn now instead of a goutweed field as long as I mow the lawn. She said I was sneaking behind her back to plant the seeds. It made her not trust me.
• She got mad at me for wanting to take a business trip that could further my career at the company I was working for. I passed on it and I lost the promotion.
  
  • She got mad at me for not wanting to send the kids to private school ($18k/year per kid and we have 2 kids). I was making $135k/year but I left the job because my wife said that I spent too much time at work and not enough with family. I took a lower paying job so I can spend more time with family, but the private school cost is just making it difficult. She was only working part-time but had to go full-time because I don't make as much as I used to.
• She got mad at me because I sometimes came home half an hour late after 5 pm and didn't make dinner in time for the kids to go to bed by 7:30 pm. The older one is in 6th grade and the younger one in 3rd grade. I have to make breakfast and dinner everyday and I also have to do all the dishes. Her job is to put the kids to bed. I also have to drop the kids off every morning at their private school and I can't drop them off before 8:30 am and it's over half an hour away from my work the wrong direction. I could never get to work before 9:00 am and my wife demanded that I need to be home by 5 pm to make dinner.
  
• She demanded that I spend at least an hour or more every day with her after the kids go to bed even if I see her everyday at breakfast and dinner. She got mad when I wanted to teach a pottery class some evenings 2-3 times a week because I used to enjoy pottery and teaching. I had to quit because she got mad at me for not spending time with her.
  
  • She got mad at me for starting a golf equipment business. She hated the products I was making because she didn't play golf and disliked golf. She wasn't supportive and probably couldn't wait for the business to fail so I stop spending time on it. The business is still going but not making that much money, but it's only been a couple of years.
• She got mad at me for not wanting to have sex a lot with her anymore. She really let herself go after having the kids while I still trying to maintain my fitness. I used to go running every other day but pretty much quit at this point because I couldn't do all the cooking and cleaning and still have time to go running.
  

She kept holding a grudge about all these things, and now she has us taking many marriage therapy workshops and sessions. She insisted that I'm too withdrawn and uncaring. She insisted that I needed to be a better husband.
I used to think I was a responsible person, and I tried my best to succeed in life. I try to spend as much time with my kids as possible so they know I'm there for them. My father wasn't around much when I was younger so I don't want to make the same mistake. We have been married for 15 years at this point but I'm just getting more and more sick of being in this relationship. I want my kids to have an intact family but it's just getting harder and harder. I don't have any other woman in my life so it's not even a part of the equation. I'm just not happy being questioned all the time and treated like a piece of garbage.
Anyway, I got really upset today after she called me a liar and said I was untrustworthy for telling my daughter the fake butter stuff is butter. I decided to walk home from this event we were supposed to get dinner together. I'd rather come home and cook my own dinner than be accused of something I can't even comprehend anymore.

Back in 2016, I was working at a roadside diner west of St. Cloud, Minnesota. Neat little place, had a bit of a 60’s vibe to it, but without the hairdo. On the slow hours of the day, or whenever we just had locals around, I’d be humming along with the chefs playing radio out of the kitchen. It wasn’t an exciting time, but it was nice to have a workplace that felt like a second home.
A couple of weekends a month, we had an all-night crew to serve passing truckers. You usually never had to do more than one shift though, and we got to make own schedules. Our boss was pretty hands-off. It was during one of those shifts, at the first week of early summer, that my life took a turn for the worse – and I didn’t even realize it.

We were used to having the occasional odd customer during those hours of the day. When this guy walked in, I didn’t know what to think. He was about 6’2, bald, and pale as chalk. He wore this worn-out t-shirt that looked like it’d been on fire. With every step, he dragged his feet, and collapsed in one of our booths, seemingly exhausted.
I looked back at the chef, and he just shrugged. Guy wasn’t hurting anyone, but he didn’t look like he was all there. But a job’s a job, so I went up to him.
“You alright there?” I asked.
He looked up at me like I was speaking a foreign language, then sunk his head back down, gently shaking it.
“Nah,” he said. “I, uh… I don’t think I am.”
He had this voice on the knife’s edge between a hysterical laugh and a howling cry. He was trembling.
“You need me to call someone?”
“Call?”
“Yeah, call someone.”
“How?”

I didn’t understand the question. I figured he was coming down from some kind of binge, and I wasn’t about to take any chances. I asked the chef to get me a side of bacon to keep the guy calm while I called the police.
As I slid the plate over to him, he sunk his face into his hands, sobbing.
“T-thank you,” he cried. “I-I’m… please…”
I sat down across from him, instinctively reaching out to grab his hand. He let me. Even at a light touch, I could feel the scars on his palm and fingertips. Whatever’d happened to him, it must’ve been awful.
“I can’t go back,” he sniffled. “Don’t make me go back. I can’t. Please, I can’t.”
“You’re not going anywhere. It’s okay,” I smiled. “You’re safe here.”
“Can you help me?” he asked. “Can you keep him out?”
“I’m sure we can figure it out,” I nodded. “Just eat up. It’s okay.”

His fingers trembled as he tentatively bit off a piece of bacon. His teeth were black, and he flinched.
“I need time,” he said. “I need time to run.”
“Don’t worry,” I assured him. “We’ve called for help.”
“I just… I just need time.”
We just sat there for a while. He calmed his breathing but kept staring out the window. I could tell he was looking for something – or someone. All I could see was a road and a handful of moths. We sat there for some time, in silence, as he carefully nibbled on the slices of maple bacon.
As two police officers entered the diner, he got up from his seat. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bundle of scrunched-up trash. A couple of singles, a plastic card, dirt, and something resembling animal bones. He tried to straighten out the bills, pushing them into my hands along with the laminated card.
“Just… I need time. I’ll come back. Please.”
I didn’t understand. I just nodded and accepted it. Seconds later, the officers asked him to step outside and explain the situation. I got busy taking orders from a couple of passing truckers, watching glimpses of the scene through the window. A couple of minutes later, the strange man was taken away.

My shift ended at sunrise. I dragged myself to my car with a yawn, shuffling around my pockets for the keys. I hadn’t thought much about the items he’d handed me, but I took a closer look. I’d thrown away the animal bones and dirt, but there were a couple of dollar bills and that laminated card left. I checked the card first.
It looked like some kind of bookmark. On one side it was completely white, and on the other side there were dried blue flower petals arranged in a spiral. Kinda reminded me of a sunflower. And finally, there were the dollar bills.
I didn’t pay much attention to these at first. Just a couple of singles. But after a closer look, I noticed something unusual. There was a man on the bill that I didn’t recognize. It took me a couple of google searches to realize that this man was Walter Mondale – the man who’d lost to Ronald Reagan’s second run for president back in ’84. Why was this man on a one-dollar bill?

Before heading to bed, I put the items down on my nightstand. In a moment of silent wonder, I looked out the window. What had that man been looking for? What’d he been running from?
There was nothing out there.
Just a couple of moths.

Waking up the next morning, I had a full day off. I spent it cleaning my apartment, watching movies, having dinner with a couple of friends, and ending the night with a couple of drinks at the pub down on the corner. No binge or anything, just got a bit boozy. I was still gonna be in bed by midnight.
I took the scenic route home; a long walk. All the way down main street, past the lake. I took a shortcut through the park by the final stretch, speeding up a bit. That place was trouble.
As I hurried by the fountain, I spotted someone in the distance. A shrouded figure at the edge of the streetlights. I stopped to observe for a second, but as I did, the lights flickered. Coming back on, the figure was gone.
I chalked it up to imagination. I was a bit drunk, after all. Besides – it was small, like a child. What the hell would a kid be doing out at this hour?

A couple of days passed. I didn’t notice anything unusual, but I kept coming back to that distressing feeling of missing something important. Looking back at it now, I just feel dumb. He was there all along. Outside the supermarket. In the parking lot. Off the highway. Hell, he was outside my window at night sometimes, but just too short for me to spot.
I’m getting ahead of myself.
It wasn’t until one morning when I was driving to work that I got a clear view of him. I was crossing a four-way street, taking a sharp left turn, when I had to throw myself on the breaks. There was a kid in the middle of the street.
I hadn’t seen him that clearly before. He was probably around 6, maybe 7 years old. Wearing a plain black shirt and a pair of light blue canvas pants. Short black hair, dark eyes, and no shoes. That particular detail stuck with me. No shoes? Why?
I almost lost control, but I was lucky. There wasn’t much traffic, and I managed to stop further down the road. There were black lines in the pavement from my screeching tires swerving back and forth. Regaining my composure, I looked in the rear-view mirror.
The kid was gone.

But that was just the start.
I’d spot him every now and then. Looking out the window at work. At the gas station. A passing face in the crowd when shopping for groceries. Every now and then, something would pull on my attention, forcing me to whip my head around, looking for the source of that ill feeling crawling up my spine. Sometimes I saw him. And even worse – sometimes I didn’t.
I remember lying awake at night, hearing moths tap against my window. There was nothing else. Nothing outside. I patrolled my apartment six times, checking every window. I’d looked everywhere, and there was no reason for me to feel the way I did. I was growing paranoid.
And yet, in the morning, my front door was unlocked, and slightly open.

It all came to a head one afternoon when I was out on my smoke break. I’d barely slept for the past three nights, and you could kinda tell I was having a bad day. As I stood there, leaning against the side door of the diner, I see the kid again. This time just across the road, maybe 50 feet or so away. I’d had enough. This had to end.
I was furious. I stormed forward, calling him out with every slur and curse I could think of. I was psyching myself up. I was in the right, and I refused to be harassed anymore – kid or not. Didn’t matter. I crossed the road, barely dodging a speeding jeep, and met him face-to-face.
“What the hell do you want?!” I’d yell. “Why are you following me?!”
He was completely expressionless. He didn’t even flinch, no matter how much I pointed or screamed. I snapped my fingers in front of his eyes, and he didn’t even blink. He just stared at me, like a porcelain doll head on a swivel.

I wasn’t thinking about the bystanders though. A couple of middle-aged men stepped up, asking in no kind terms what the hell was wrong with me. I was held back and restrained. Someone called the police. Someone else called my manager – I’d forgotten to take off my apron, so they could see the diner logo. A couple of people filmed it. One of the videos got like 120k views in a day before it fell off the map. I still see it as a react gif sometimes.
It was a disaster. After a couple of officers came by to talk to me, he’d just disappeared into thin air. The officers took me down to the station – not to detain me, but to get me away from the heated crowd. That car ride downtown sobered me up to what the hell was going on. I was being stalked by this kid, but there wasn’t a living soul out there that would believe me.
Well, maybe one.
Maybe.

I was asked a couple of questions and released within about half an hour. They told me to go home and sleep this whole thing off. That wouldn’t be a problem. I didn’t have a job to go back to anyway, according to the (many) texts I’d gotten. I had all the goddamn time in the world.
I was just about to leave when something came to mind. The two officers who’d picked me up were still waiting by their car when I turned back to them.
“Sorry, you picked up the guy I called in about at the diner, right?” I asked.
“Sure did.”
“You got any idea what happened to him?”
The two looked at one another for a moment, shrugged, and turned to me.
“Didn’t have any ID and gave a fake name. I think they took him to psych.”
“Psych?”
“Well, he was saying some, uh… strange things. There were interviews with a, uh…”
The two quieted down and flashed me a smile.
“There’s not that much we can say.”

Coming home, I decided to get to the root of this. It didn’t take me that long to find the place where the guy’d been taken; there aren’t a lot of mental health facilities in this part of the country. Especially facilities that accept involuntary subjects.
But my eyes kept drifting back to the strange dollar bills he’d given me, resting neatly on my nightstand. They were so detailed. A bit old, sure, but that only made them seem more genuine. What the hell was he doing with a handful of clearly fake dollar bills? Like, what’s the purpose? There had to be a purpose.
That unnerved me.

I managed to arrange a meeting. It wasn’t easy, and I think a lot of it boiled down to the police having no idea what could make this guy talk. For some reason, he kept providing them with false information. Maybe a familiar face, for one reason or another, might make him talk.
Just a couple of days later, I was putting my items in a metal bowl on the second floor at a mental health institute in the next town over. I asked one of the nurses if I could keep one of my dollar bills. Apparently, that was okay.
I was shuffled through a couple of locked doors and escorted to an off-white side-room. No décor, no locks. The guy was already there.

He’d been dressed down into these neutral eggshell-white garbs. It was strange seeing him in a lit-up room like this. I didn’t know what to expect.
Getting a closer look at him, he was probably in his 50’s. It’d been hard to tell earlier. I couldn’t get over just how pale he was; it was almost a complete lack of pigment. It looked sickly. His thin arms didn’t help – he looked malnourished. And yet, he was smiling.
“Hello,” he said.
“Hello to you too,” I smiled. “You doing okay?”
“I’m… I’m pretty good,” he nodded. “Thank you.”
I sat down across from him and took out the dollar bill he’d given me.
“I wanted to ask you about this.”
“For the bacon,” he said, matter-of-factly.
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry, was that not enough?”
“No, it’s…”
I took a moment to compose myself. I had too many questions.

He sighed, took the bill, and looked it over. Looking back at me, I could tell there was something painful stirring in his mind. His smile slowly faded.
“Sorry,” he said. “I try to forget sometimes. It’s easier than making sense of it.”
“Let’s start with something simple,” I nodded. “Like… your name. Where you’re from.”
“Those things are pretty far from simple.”
He was looking straight through me; his eyes sinking back to deeper, more uncomfortable thoughts.

His name was Samuel, and he was born around these parts in back in the 1970’s. He’d worked as a telecommunications specialist out of St. Cloud back in the 90's. He had a wife, three children, and a four-bedroom house.
“But it… that was all before, see?” he explained. “Then it all just…”
“Just what?” I asked. “What happened?”
He looked at me, opening and closing his mouth, looking for the right words to come out. Nothing happened. He shook his head, trying again.
“It started with the street preachers,” he said. “Hundreds of them, marching on every city. All saying the same doomsday shit as always. World was dying. All coming to an end.”
“I haven’t seen anything like that.”
“Then there were storms,” he continued without skipping a beat. “Some would last for weeks. Others longer. Entire cities would be flooded or torn apart. Earthquakes causing monster waves along the east coast, sending shockwaves all the way to mainland Europe. Then, Yellowstone.”
“Yellowstone?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Lights out.”

Samuel was painting this apocalyptic vision of a world undone. Catastrophe after catastrophe. Hooded people marching the streets, screaming for the mercy of a mad god. But there was more to it.
“Then things stopped making sense. It’s as if the rules changed,” he continued. “Roads would stop leading home. Trees would change color. People turned twisted and corrupted. Like… one of our neighbors couldn’t eat anything but gunpowder. There was a woman just down the street who tried to kill anyone wearing glasses. It was… pandemonium.”
I didn’t say anything. What he was saying didn’t make any sense, but he was trying his best to keep his rambling coherent.
“The plants died. Trees too. The only thing that could grow in that environment were these twisted blue things that popped up out of nowhere. But people… people are what got twisted the most.”
He told me of these towering 7-foot-tall humanoid creatures that roamed the forests. Black as night – not even reflecting light. Arms reaching all the way to their knees. Elongated, inhuman things that all used to be someone he knew.

“The doomsayers all said the same thing,” he continued. “That God was a scared little boy, and that he was dying. Everything that was happening was just an expression of that ceaseless, bottomless, existential grief.”
Samuel looked back and forth, finally burying his face in his hands.
“It all broke down. Roads stopped leading anywhere. No power. No water. Julie changed. Ollie changed. Tobie made himself a mask and wandered off into the woods. Ira just… disappeared. And for… years? Has it been years? It’s just been me.”
“But you’re here, now,” I said. “And what you’re describing, it… it didn’t happen.”
“It happened,” he insisted. “Just not… here. But here.”
He tapped his finger on the single dollar bill.
“Somewhere, somehow, I must’ve taken a wrong turn. I slipped through something broken, and now I’m here. And… and he’s coming to bring me back. He doesn’t want anyone to leave.”
“Who?”
“Just! Just…” he chuckled. “Just a sad little boy who’s been told he’s going to die.”
I didn’t know what to say. I just sat with him for a while, holding his hand.

Before I left, Samuel got up from his chair. He looked at me, forcing himself to smile.
“If I go back, I’ll try not to… to be like them. I’ll try. And… and I’ll be the one to say something.”
He let out a painful little laugh, shaking his head.
“Maybe just a… hello.”

I left that day with more questions than answers. I couldn’t picture the world he’d lived through. Then again, how could it be true? None of it had happened. But what was he gaining from lying about it?
That was the last time I saw Samuel. A few days later, he went missing, as if he’d disappeared into thin air. I didn’t know what to think of it. There was nothing on the cameras – no one entering or leaving the building. No quick escapes, no clever plans. He’d just walked into his room and disappeared. Nothing left but a couple of moths fluttering about.
And for a while, that was it. That was the end of the story. I got busy looking for a new job, and all the little items given to me by Samuel was put away into a little box in my glove compartment. Life soldiered on, and no matter how many questions I had, there was no one around to answer them. Even the strange kid that’d been following me was, seemingly, gone.

A couple of months later, I was driving home from a friend’s place. I stopped at a four-way street, waiting for a couple of trucks to pass, when there was a knock on the passenger side window. I almost choked on my own spit. Scared me half to death.
Looking out, I could see that kid again. I hadn’t seen him for some time, and I quickly bounced between curiosity and downright anger.
“What do you want?” I yelled out.
There was no response. Instead, the door just opened. It’d been locked. As he opened the door, he pointed to the glove box.
“You want his things?” I asked. “Is that it?”
He nodded. I wanted to lash out, but there was something telling me I shouldn’t. Instead, I reached over, opened the glove compartment, and pointed to the box.
“Just take it and leave me alone,” I said. “Get it over with.”

He reached in and grabbed the box. So much effort for a couple of mementos. I turned my head back to face the road. The kid backed out. But of course, I had to get the last word in.
“Not even a thank you, huh?”
That made him pause. He looked at me, tilting his head. As he opened his mouth to speak, a moth fluttered out. Then another. And another.
Then – darkness.

What happened next is hard to describe. My memory of it is fragmented. It’s like trying to watch a buffering video, where long stretches of it are just nothing – but you know something was supposed to happen in-between.
Blink. I was sitting in my car. There was a dark blue sky. No clouds, no stars. Figures in the distance. An open field with blue flowers bending to a howling wind. A powerful stench of ammonia stinging my nostrils. Something to my immediate left, ripping the car door straight off the hinges.
Blink. Running. Ruins of a town. It seemed familiar, but there was barely anything left. My leg was bleeding. I was being followed. No matter where I turned, or where I ran, I seemed to end up at the same intersection.
Blink. A three-story building, brimming with life. Glimpses of arm-long antennae through the broken windows. Clickety-clack of bursting wings tapping against crumbling concrete. A loud warning shriek as something rubs its legs together; a call for prey.
Blink. Hiding in a tipped-over trash container. The rain has stopped in mid-air. Raindrops held in indefinite suspension. I suck water drops out of the air to quench my thirst. My hands are shaking from the blood loss.

Countless little images. Some in order, some not. I have no idea how much time passed. In the moment, it must’ve been much longer than I can remember. Days. Weeks, even. There’s no way to tell.
Blink. Walking through a barren field. It feels like walking through a dead forest, but there are no trees. Only those willingly impaled and wailing.
Blink. An abandoned booth by a broken highway. A sign offers phone calls, in exchange for “real teeth”. There are six sizes of pliers hanging on a wall within. All are bloodied – even the small ones.
Blink. The church that had burned down the night before had reappeared. The people inside, too. They couldn’t leave. Tonight, they would burn again.

Somewhere in this nightmarish puzzle-pieced fragment of nothing, there was a constant drive in me to get away. To get out. I knew that if I’d gotten there, I could get back home again. I just had no idea how. Maybe finding the kid. Asking. Begging. Something.
The last fragment of memory from that space was being cornered in a cellar. They were banging on the door. I’d tipped over a wardrobe to keep them out, but they weren’t going to stop. They were never going to stop. I couldn’t let them kill me again – not like that.
One of the Changed ones were coming. I don’t know what that means, or how I know the name, but I knew of it. There was a mirror, and I could see the signs. It stepped out. Seven feet tall, black as night. Elongated arms and neck. Barely a body at all – just a void space vaguely shaped like the remnants of a person.
Except this one felt… familiar. It was the first one to speak.
“H E L L O.”

Blink. Running. A cold hand. If I squeezed too hard, my fingers went straight through it. I had to keep up. He was showing me something.
Blink. They were flooding over the school bus, tipping it by their sheer numbers. Eruptions from the sewer grates. They were famished.
Blink. An open field. Sunflowers facing me, no matter where I turn. It’s not far.
Blink. I look back, as I’m pushed over the edge. He looks just like the rest of them. They aren’t angered by his betrayal.
They feel nothing, as I fall.

In February of 2017, I was found by the side of the road. I’d been gone for months. My car was too. I came back with nothing but the clothes on my back and countless scars. I’ve been told that I didn’t make any sense at first; I was just rambling nonsense. Or maybe it just sounded like nonsense to these people.
Over time, I forgot more and more of these fragmented images. And the less I remember, the more I can move on. Still, I’ve written them down over time, and they paint an ugly, insane picture of what I’d been going through. Some of which I, myself, have a hard time believing. Then again, I know myself well enough to see that there’s no point in lying.

I haven’t seen Samuel, or that strange kid ever since. I think this is all over, for now. There’s nothing left for me to give.
But even now, years later, I still wake up to that feeling at night. That there’s something wrong, or that I’m forgetting something. That there’s something near that I’m looking straight through, or past.
And every now and then, I hear the flutter of a moth’s wing, tapping against my bedroom window.
And I think I know what it wants.
It wants me to go back.

I usually never post about anything to do with my mental health on the internet but i felt a strong urge to make this post. throughout the past couple months I have hit an all time low, I mean it's genuinely scary to me how depressed I've become, I would never kill myself but almost every night I go to sleep shamefully hoping that I don't wake up which breaks my heart as I've always been so grateful for my life, I mean I have a wonderful family, an awesome best friend, I'm somehow about to graduate high school after busting my ass last minute, and yet...I constantly feel empty and it's very frustrating because I know my life could be fantastic if it weren't for this rut. i mean sure I've had my fair share of heartbreak and emotional pain like everyone else but I have so many things to be grateful for that I almost feel selfish for even being depressed if that makes sense. life is truly a gift but what's the point if you're not enjoying it anymore? the anhedonia is absolutely destroying me, it's relentless. I miss enjoying everything I did with every fiber of my being, I miss playing guitar and singing my heart out and dancing but none of it seems to matter anymore. to be completely honest I feel like I've become a shell of who I used to be. the only thing that brings me any sort of joy anymore is making other people happy. the whole point of me making this post is just to say that, I know I don't know any of you but I fucking love all of you so much and i want u to know u are not alone in this and it makes me so upset to know that there are so many people on this planet every day who are feeling the exact same way I am right now. none of you deserve this, you deserve all the love and light this world has to offer. you deserve to be happy, to smile, to laugh, not this. depression is a monster, it has taken away so many people from this world. I've seen my 37 year old sister cope with this monster with a deadly combination of xanax and alcohol, I've seen the most beautiful kindest woman I know absolutely destroy her body and mind just to feel some semblance of joy again and it breaks my heart knowing there's nothing I can do. there's nothing I can do to make it better for her or for anyone else who is struggling. I wish I could take it away from all of you, I wish I could give u a magic pill that would make everything better because this isn't fair. I'm sorry for the long rant I know I'm kinda all over the place but I just felt the need to share my struggles that u can maybe relate to and just say that I love you. I just wish everyone on this beautiful planet could be happy:(

My daughter is thirteen now, but she was diagnosed with autism and ADHD last year. Her school counselor used to work as a special-needs educator, and she said she noticed a lot of symptoms in my child, like she does not look people in the eye, she only wants to talk about giraffes and rocks, she screaming during fire drills, sometimes can not focus in class, she doesn't have a lot of friends and she is disrespectful without meaning to be. The counselor was first to suggest an evaluation, but I thought all of this behavior was normal because she was always like this, so I didn't worry?
Then my daughter attempted suicide, and it was a very hard time for me so I didn't think about autism until a few months after. But the psychiatrist who saw her in the ER talked to me privately and also told me to consider getting autism diagnosis for my daughter. He referred us testing center for children and adolescent mental health disorders, so I took my daughter and she tested. She was diagnosed with level 1 autism and ADHD. But I didn't take it seriously because she does very well in school and has even skipped a grade. I don't think she is autistic. But I guess ADHD because she can be hyper and loud often. Every child is different and I don't think it's fair that people say she is autistic because of small things. I do not smoke or drink alcohol and I do my best to eat healthy, and so does her father so how can she be autistic?
I love her so I do not want to make her feel bad but I see these children in special classes and I just know she is not like that? How could the doctors diagnose her when we tried very hard for her to be healthy during pregnancy? I have almost no person to talk to about this. My sisters will think I am a bad mother.

I (19F)met my ex ( 19M) 2 years ago and had a rocky relationship with him.I had been dealing with a very hard time in my life and he was everything I have wanted in life at that point.I was 17 who never had a proper relationship at that point,so I was intrigued.
When happy phase ended after 5 months,I started to saw the red flags.He was childhish.He would just coldly broke up with me,saying that he didn’t love me anymore and next day,he would come back crawling,saying sorry,crying.At that point,I did not know any better,so I tolareted this behaviour.
After the uni acceptance exam I was screwed up.İt meant I had to take again next year. He basically told me that he was going to university and didnt want to deal with a high school graduate while he was off to another city,saying he wanted to live a “uni life” and dumped me in cold blood again.I found out he met someone that day and gave his Instagram and that was why he dumped me.He even described this girl as “drop dead gorg,made me forget my gf lmao”in his groupchat.
I was heartbroken.Crushed all over and did not want to leave my room for a whole week and crying all day. This is when my best friend(19M)comes to story.Let’s call him Edgar.
He was there for me.
Edgar and I have dated back in middle school when both 14.We were kind of that silly childhood sweethearts who randomly name their imaginary child.We broke up but wanted to stay in touch,so we decided on staying friends.We quickly got comfortable and even called each other “best friend”.We never lost touch and were always close.My boyfriend knew aboout us and claimed he had no issues,said he respected our friendship and even met him on my birthday.
Edgar was there for me when my boyfriend dumped me and basically dragged me outside when I did not want to leave my room.We spent time together which helped me heal a lot but I can’t deny that he was getting more touchy than ever (without being sexual and unappropriate) and always said phrases like “if we were 14 right now”or “if we were back to middle school,what would you do?”
That being there,my ex reached out to me and quickly started trying to reconcile.He was trying nonstop and bombarding with me with all the apologies.I am an idiot for this but I once again took him back.
But it only got worse from there. He was getting better and I was starting to notice that he was more serious about Our relationship and was more warm and but I had trust issues now. We had a fight when his family didn’t want to meet me.Appearantly,his mother hadnt even met his sister’s boyfriend (40F)because she did not think marriage.I found this off since we were fresh 18 back then and barely adults and had a huge fight about it.So,I invited Edgar to my place to talk and rant to him.
Drinks were involved and we ended up sleeping together that night which was my first time.I would never try to justify my cheating but I felt like he brought me back to life that night and felt an immense connection to him.Maybe,it had been there all the time?
I couldn’t keep it and came clean about everything to my boyfriend.He was furious but decided to forgive me.
Me and Edgar never talked about that night and had a fight over some trivial matter and hadnt speak for 9 months.Meanwhile I continued to date my boyfriend but I just felt so empty and really missed Edgar.My boyfriend always knew. 9 months later;everything started to clear up.We broke up with my ex after dating almost 2 years and we even made up with Edgar.
Well,we are trying to make it work.We have our problems after 5 years of being friends and suddenly getting into a relationship but it is great.I love him and he has became my everything. We had date and I decided to post it.My ex’s bff saw and ss’ed it to him.
He was angry and started to roast me on his WP status,calling me names,posting edgy/angry musics and making his friends comment mean things to my post.
I reached out to him and told him to get over it and he got even more angry,told me I am a cheating bed toy who deserves all the bad things in life.
I just dont understand this reaction when he LİTERALLY did cheat on me too and forgave me after mine too?And even knew he knew I had never gotten over that night with Edgar
Comments are getting mean but he refuses to get over it. Aita?

I am a 20 y/o student, living alone and this is my very first post in this sub. There was a time I got bullied in school and sports club. I have a difficult relationship to my parents. I was never able to talk to them about my problems, I was silent instead. My mother was very controlling and patronizing. My father only cared about my school grades.
After a long time of self reflection I realised, that I'm seriously suffering from:
-social anxiety: I'm often trying not to behave awkwardly, because I care too much what people think about me and I feel watched many times. I have problems approaching stranger people. Also, I often feel caught in normal situations, for example when someone is entering the toilet and I'm styling my hair in the mirror. I'm getting a bit sweaty and my heart pumps. I have these problems especially when interacting with women.
-porn addiction: it literally slows down my life. My dopamine level is constantly low in phases of watching porn (rn I'm trying to beat this stupid habit). It isolates and destroys my social life. I'm not getting my things done and porn changed my view of women. I'm very ashamed of this, ashamed of sexulizing women. And I really don't want this any more.
-depression: tbh I think depressions are the result of the problems I mentioned above. Negative thoughts only come, when I'm alone at home for a longer periods of time. Times of feeling hopeless and helpless.
If you have come until here, thank you for your time🙏. Can anyone understand me? Does anyone have advice? 👇

No one else to tell and I have to tell someone, so Reddit it is.
I didn’t play a round for the last 4 months. I hit the range and practice areas 3-4 times per week for the entire 4 months. I’ve only been golfing for 3ish years but this is the first time I ever tried to actually get better. I recorded my swing every week, did a ton of different drills. I even started WATCHING golf, which did help me in a lot of ways. (Side note, it’s not as boring as I was previously led to believe).
Today I played a fundraising scramble at a really nice course for my nephew’s ROTC high school program. This was the first scramble or organized golf I’ve ever played either.
So I ended up being the ONLY person who’d ever golfed before on my team. The ranger was PISSED at our pace of play but, so was I though. We legitimately played TWO balls the entire day that WASNT mine. We finished with a 78 which I know isn’t great for a scramble for considering it was 2 balls away from a solo round it was GREAT. If I took those two balls as strokes then I would have finished with an 80.
Before this practice boot camp I put myself through I was an 88-94 golfer and I know it doesn’t seem like a lot but I was an entirely different golfer. I was hitting consistent shots with confidence instead of - before - when I hit a good shot it kinda just felt lucky.
So I can’t count it as a personal best because it wasn’t a solo round BUT it was by FAR the best round I ever played. In addition to my playing way better I holed out for my second eagle ever from like 50-60 yards.
Anyways, I’m pumped for this season and think I have a real shot of breaking 80 this year. Hope everyone else killed their rounds this week end.

I got a speeding ticket in New York State. I live in PA. I did everything. Pled guilty, ect. They gave me a fine of $260 and the NY DMV added an additional $300. Okay whatever.
I paid my ticket via mail and my debit card using certified with receipt. It is due May 20th by 330 pm. However, it's been sitting at their post office since May 10th. I can't get a hold of anyone (tried calling a few times a few days ago as well).
The real problem now lays in the card info one thr letter to pay it. Card got canceled due to no fault of my own. Card switched to master card instead of Visa and I just never got a replacement. So now the card won't work for a fine due in a few days. I sent an additional letter with over night shipping so its there Monday with the correct info. But, if something happens, I can't afford my license suspended or a warrant for my arrest.
You would think that I could just drive up there (it's four hours) but I can't because of some chance of lucky that I have jury duty at noon.
What should I do?

Just a heads up for any singles here, there will be speed dating events in June throughout Vegas!
You can find tickets and details here: shuffle.dating/lasvegas
Super low key, very casual – 6-9 dates, ~10-minutes each. Event take about 2 hours max.
Prompts are given for each date and the event is moderated via your phone. We text you what time your date is, who you're dating, and give you a prompt (i.e. "Would you rather be a master of every language, or a master of every musical instrument?". You find them, have a fun conversation, and input Match or Pass. That's the essence of the entire event.
Age-ranges are "soft" so for example, if you're 38, you can attend the group for 41-51. Likewise, if you're 43, you can attend the 31-41 group.
If you're single (and/or know anyone else who is single), please give this a try! At the very least, you get to talk with a few people and you never know who you'll meet. And I want to reiterate – these are extremely casual and low-key. Let me know if you have any questions :)

24th: Colby Donaldson 3.0 (Heroes Vs Villains - 5th)

\"So when the time was right, I made one more attempt\"
u/SMC0629:
Colby 3.0 is my favorite of his three iterations, and it has nothing to do with my opinion on Australia. The absolute deconstruction of Colby's abilities and spirit is somehow made into one of the most funny, mind-boggling, and emotional stories the show has given us. It all comes together with that final confessional, one of the best ever in the show, which proves to us that no matter what, he'll always keep fighting. Very deserved endgame for Colby 3.0.
~
u/DryBonesKing:
There… is a little bad blood for me internally about Colby 3.0 making Endgame. One, I am stunned that this group let Colby 3.0 outlast 1.0. I can’t believe Colby 1.0 got cut twice (since I ended up wasting an idol on the first attempt) before Colby 3.0. I find that borderline sinful lmfao. And two, I’m just annoyed that HvV ended up getting any representation in the Endgame. I really did not want this overrated season getting any representation and after focusing most of my concerns on someone like Sandra 2.0 or Parvati 3.0 or Rupert 3.0… I find out that I really messed up and that there were apparently Colby 3.0 stans here that actually wanted this Endgame. Whelp
Most of my issues though are meta-related, though. Colby 3.0 and Jerri 3.0 are the best parts of Heroes vs. Villains and the conclusion to their three-season story arc, even though it was diluted by Russell stealing away a decent chunk of their screentime, I do think what we did get to see was beautiful, from their cute little “Hey Colby” Interaction in that one reward challenge leading up to the finale with Jerri being visibly distraught about having to vote out Colby. It’s amazing stuff!
Colby 3.0 also does have the best storyline of the season, with being able to see how Survivor’s first “Hero” failed to live up to his own legacy, and sorta wallow in his own depression as a result of everything. There is a melancholy-air to Colby’s character, from watching him get his ass kicked in challenges to seeing him be an afterthought in strategies to even seeing him be part of one of the pettiest “family visit” scenes of all time when he just repeatedly fights with his brother Reid. And then obviously, there’s Colby’s final confessional, which I think is probably in contention for best confessional of all time. I don’t think there’s ever been a character’s returning appearance that feels anything like Colby 3.0, and that does make him really special. All things considered, I do have him ranked highly and I’m actually thrilled he topped Heroes vs. Villain’s rankings. I did want him to succeed and make Top 50. I just… wish he didn’t make Endgame. But meh
Overall Rank – 120/821
~
u/Zanthosus:
I’m going to be completely honest. This is the biggest WTF in our endgame to me. I might like Jane less overall, but I can understand why someone would have her in or around their endgame. Colby 3.0 though? I just don’t get it. I’m sure ninjedi will do a great job explaining it though. Also, it is kinda hilarious to me that the first non-Sandra HvV rep to get in is Colby of all people. Not Jerri. Not Parvati. Not Coach. Not even J.T. Colby. That’s just a hilarious legacy for this rankdown to have if I’m being honest.
~
u/Tommyroxs45:
Colby’s legacy in Heroes vs. Villains is unmatched, he’s Superman in a fat suit however you still see the desire for Superman. Him being the last hero remaining is so poetic and it makes him have one of the best confessionals of all time. Sad that he’s only the HvV rep as this season is literal perfection but I’m glad at least 1 person made it.
~
u/Regnisyak1:
From hero to zero to hero again, Colby 3.0 is truly an encapsulation of Heroes vs Villains' main themes about the blurring of lines between the two roles on Survivor, and how one does not fully exist in society. I love Colby 1.0, so I would have loved to see him here over 3.0, but Colby’s single confessional with the long pause in the finale of HvV warrants his position. Plus his not budging on an old-school game really sold his charm. Come on, Reed!
Personal Rank: 61/821. 9/10.
~
u/DavidW1208 will not be providing blurbs nor writeups for this endgame phase, however, his valuable contributions to this rankdown will be honored and acknowledged as we are taking his endgame rankings into full equal account for results. Much love David!! <3
~~~~~
u/ninjedi1:
Colby Donaldson 3.0 (5th Place, Heroes VS Villains)
When people talk about the OG Era of survivor or whatever we’re calling the first 40 seasons before New Era, people split the seasons into old school and new school, with Old School ending at season 20, Heroes VS Villains (which I personally disagree with, cause I feel like Nicaragua is the last old school season, but that’s a different conversation). Heroes VS Villains as the last of the “old school” season is meant to be a last hurrah as a number of early season players compete with more recent strategy savvy players from the newer seasons before the show truly made its transition from a social experiment to a game. And to me, no one truly represents that transition from old to new school, or better yet, represents the death of old school survivor than Colby Donaldson 3.0.
Everyone who’s watched Survivor long enough knows who Colby Donaldson is. He was the great American Texan who was a challenge beast and wanted to make sure that good people made it to the end, going up against Tina who was more deserving in his eyes over the easy beat Keith at the finale of AO. Then he made his return in Allstars where he would unfortunately but voted out fairly early on, but would come out of that season looking not that bad in comparison to a good number of other people! In the eyes of the viewing audience, he was still the great American hero, so it wasn’t surprising that the original survivor hero would return for Heroes VS Villains. Colby himself even talks about how its been a decade since he’s played the game, and he was ready to see if he still got it, and Jeff even sings his praises at the start of the game talking about how people were naming their kids after him. However, despite the hero returning to the coliseum to compete again, time would not be kind to him, as Colby would end up losing strength during the very first challenge, and would be dragged to the villains mat, losing a point for the heroes. A foreshadow of what Colby’s game was about to become.
However, it wasn’t all bad, as the heroes still win the challenge, and while Colby is aware about how rusty he is, he’s still having fun! However, that would quickly change as the days go on. He realizes that he needs to get into the rhythm of the game, and it was going to be miserable. He doesn’t have a clue about all the different connections and pregamed alliances when talking to Candace, leaving him out of the loop. He also gets annoyed with Sugar, who keeps trying to flirt with him and follow him around, which greatly annoys him. He would end up getting pulled into an alliance with Tom, JT, and Stephenie, and while they would all vote out Sugar at the very first tribal, everything goes wrong as JT would flip on the alliance, and after a fight with James during tribal where James yells at Steph and Colby defends her, Stephenie would get voted out in the second tribal. After that, Colby reflects a bit, talking to Tom about if the game at that point was for him, as he felt like he didn’t want to be a part of it. However, even though Colby was struggling with how the game was now, that fire that old school Colby had was still in there, as he was able to score a point against the Villain’s leader, Boston Rob, helping give the Heroes their first immunity win.
Colby would still struggle with the game, as he would ultimately be forced to take a backseat as Tom would lead the charge for them to get a bit farther, mainly using an idol he found to blindside Cirie as the heroes continued to downward spiral. This would actually help him in the game for a bit as Tom would be considered a bigger threat than him, and would be spared at the very next tribal. However, he was definitely next to go on his six person tribe, being the one on the outside of the 5 person alliance, and he needed a miracle to survive. However, that wouldn’t come, as both tribes would be going to tribal, so they were competing for individual immunity, and Colby performed terribly at it. At that point, he saw the writing on the wall and decided to just throw in the towel, telling his team that he knows he gone and they should have a relaxing day. However, James was injured, and the other members of the heroes feel like they need to keep Colby around as he would be better at challenges in the future, sparing Colby much to his surprise.
Colby is fully aware that there’s pressure on him to win the challenges for the heroes, and that its time to put up or shut up. Knowing that he was carrying the weight of the whole team seems to ignite something inside him. The old Colby Donaldson, the great american hero, had returned, and Colby would carry the heroes to victory at the next immunity challenge. In fact, he would be key in ensuring that the heroes wouldn’t lose the next three immunity challenges. It seemed that Colby was finally back into the game, and with the merge right there, it was time for olby, with the rest of the heroes, to lead the charge. However, that old school mentality of sticking together would fall apart at the merge with the new school strategy. The Heroes gave Russell an idol to save him, and Russell would use that generosity to give it to Parvati, who would use that and another idol to save Jerri and Sandra, sending JT home. Then when the heroes tried to rally together with Sandra, Candace would flip, getting Amanda out and leaving Colby and fellow hero Rupert to die. However, in their darkest hour, is where Colby would make a heroic move.
Since only Colby and Rupert were left, it was obvious that the villains would split their vote. Colby then realized that they might try to split their votes between them and Candace. Decided to avenge their fallen comrade Amanda, Colby pitches the idea of instead throwing away their vote to a villain, him and Rupert would instead cast their vote on the turncoat Candace, as if they split their vote on her, the vote would become a 5-3 vote and save them. The one moment of true strategic content from Colby would be a huge success, as it saved the two remaining true heroes and got rid of someone they knew they couldn’t trusted. This would work great for Colby as Russell would then work with him and Rupert to get Danielle, and suddenly the chance for a hero victory didn’t seem so out of reach now. However, Rupert would be the next to go, leaving Colby as the last hero standing by the time the finale rolls around.
Its fitting that Colby, the original hero, would end up being the last hero standing. Despite never getting a real foothold or truly understanding how the game now works, he was able to come so close to the end, and he just had to make it to the final 3 to win it. However, he loses F5 immunity to Parvati, and it looked like his game was done. In a sense of dejavu, we get another speech where he talks about how he knows he’s out, and they should all just have a relaxing afternoon. However, this time, we get a confessional talking about his speech, and how he almost believed it himself. But he’s never quit and anything and he won’t now. And then he just.. stays silent…lost in thought. Its genuinely one of my favorite confessionals in all of survivor, it just has so much emotional impact. We get that confident Colby that we’re so used to seeing for AO, and then just that long silence, as he contemplates the reality of his situation, maybe even coming to terms with it, before returning back to the Colby we’ve seen all season with one final line, “So when the time was right, I made one more attempt”. Colby’s last pitch is to Russell, saying that he’s much more likely to beat Parvati at F4 than Sandra. At this point though, Colby knows he’s done, as he talks about how this was the toughest season for him, and was the toughest journey to even get to that point, and in his final words, he calls himself an old dusty veteran, and that he just isn’t destined to win this game. With Colby voted out, the last true essence of old school survivor was gone, leaving in its wake a new school style to take hold.
~~~
SMC0629: 22
DryBonesKing: 20
Zanthosus: 23
Tommyroxs45: 23
Regnisyak1: 19
DavidW1208: 13
ninjedi1: 17
Average Placement: 19.571
Total Points: 137
Standard Deviation: 3.645 (3rd Lowest)

Getting credential, subbing… and then teaching? Will this work? Please help! 🥹
Sooo, I’m currently student teaching and working towards my credential. I wanted to get my teaching credential now rather than later. (I feel like once I have kids, it’ll be hard to balance motherhood with a credential program.)
Is it unwise to get your credential, and then not even teach, but instead sub a few times a week in order to start a family / be able to spend plenty of time with my children? I ideally wouldn’t want to teach until my youngest kid was in first grade. I want about four kids, so even if I have them back-to-back, it’d be a while. (I did the math, and I’d be in my mid 40’s. I’m in my late 20’s rn.)
I figure with all the subbing experience, school districts would still want to hire me? But I dunno, it’s definitely not the traditional path… I just want to be able to start my family with my spouse and not miss out on their childhoods.
I work at an after school program where kids go immediately after the school day and wait for parents to pick them up when they’re off work. Even our teacher-parents pick up their kids late because they’re busy coaching, having meetings, or lesson planning. It breaks my heart, but I still want to teach eventually. Just not while my babies are little. We have a kinder who is dropped off at school at 7 and isn’t picked up until 5:30. That breaks my heart that both of their parents are forced to work that much to be able to support their family.
TLDR; I’m getting my teaching credential just to sub, I don’t plan on teaching until I’m in my 40’s when all my kids are older and busy at school the whole day. Will I have trouble getting hired despite all the subbing experience???

I’ve identified as Guy for a long time. Since I’m young (15) people just assume it’s a phase. I’ve identified as a male for about 2-3 years and when I was younger I was really serious about it, feeling dysmorphia almost daily but nowadays I get I feel it from time to time. I’m comfortable with my body enough to not mind not wearing my binder in public, sometimes I dress somewhat feminine (like 2 of my shirts are cropped because I like them too much to throw away) and I even resort back to being a female when there’s a straight guy I like, I also don’t want to be judged or lose my friends. I’m not phased when I’m referred by my deadname or feminine things, I do correct my mom when I feel confident enough but at the same time I don’t. Some of my online friends who have met me when I’ve already come to terms with myself call me my chosen name and masculine things and it makes me happy but it’s weird when my mom says it, it’s just weird hearing it from her. Some nights I feel like I’m faking it but I really don’t want to be a girl, I mean I wish I had a dick and no boobs yeah, but I’ve grown used to my body now and there’s nothing I can do about it for now. Also too nervous to come out to my family, some irl friends and family members I have told still call me she and feminine things and it upsets me but I’m not confident enough to correct them. It makes me feel uncomfortable when I do so I just don’t do it. I’ve always played as male characters, liked male characters more, connected with guys more ever since I was young. I’ve gone through the awkward lesbian phase but I’m more into guys now, I’ll crush on a girl rarely like I currently am but I still feel like I’m faking it. I don’t know when I’ll be brave enough to correct people and show up to school and tell them I’m trans. There’s a trans guy at my school and they’re somewhat out but I don’t know. I live in New Jersey, kids here aren’t the kindest. I’ll get self conscious about my face if anything when I do feel uncomfortable with myself, because I look to feminine when I’m happy or how pitched my voice is. When I try to deepen it people say I act weird. It’s hard to find dudes who like you when ur comfortable enough to tell them ur trans and only have them like you because you still kind of look like a girl.
Am I genuinely faking being trans?

Curious on people's opinion- I'm currently an Associate Tech PM at a non-sw company (but still tech moreso hardware, almost everyone knows this company), but I don't have a degree right now and I want to make sure that I continue to grow in my career.
I want to continue to grow as a PM and I'm thinking that if I'm looking for promo/job hopping, I should get a degree. Do you guys think it would be best if i did a CS degree, or should I just try to get something to try to check a box? I almost finished my chemistry degree from a few years ago, but I left school because I decided to leave the pre-med track and I had no intention on using Chemistry in my future job. In hindsight I should have just finished the Chem degree back then but it's water under the bridge at this point.
I saw that WGU has a program for IT Management in their business school, and after reading through the content of the degree and taking a few practice exams, I'm pretty confident that I could finish this degree relatively quickly if I'm just looking to get a degree.
I do have coding job exp, but I don't want to be a SWE, I like it as a PM much better :)
I'm probably going to either look to do a Master's in CS or an MBA later in life, but one step at at time right? I do want to make the right decision right now though so that I don't close any doors for myself later.
Thank you!!!
Edit: I do want to stay in Tech in some capacity.