This is part 4 of a list of feminine primarch names and my reasoning for these names.
Please see the below link for an explanation of this project, my methods, and my intent.
I will keep the first post updated with links to the later posts to make referencing them easier.
Link to first post: https://www.reddit.com/PrimarchGFs/comments/1ctd7ot/primarch_names_and_etymologies_part_1_iii/
VII: Regalia Dorn (Rogal Dorn):
This is one I’ve changed my mind on since discovering this subreddit and seeing many people settle on Regalia Dorn. I originally had Rigel Dorn on my list.
I think I deviated too far from the original feel of the name for the sake of preserving the same number of syllables and consonance. Rigel is the name of a star in the Orion constellation. It comes from the Arabic “Rijil Jauzah al Yusra,” meaning “the left foot of Orion.” Rigel therefore means “leg, foot.” I liked the connection with stability since Dorn knows the value of a good foundation. I think I also was trying to avoid having too many names that end in an “A.”
However, Rigel has a very weak connection to the sense conveyed by Rogal. “Rogal” appears to be a combination of “royal” and “regal,” which are doublets for “befitting a monarch.” In this respect, I think the name Regalia Dorn is superior because it too refers to royalty, meaning “royal privileges / powers,” especially in the sense of decorations and outfits indicating high office through their ostentation. Dorn’s gold armor and status as the Praetorian of Terra certainly fits this sense of the word “regalia.”
VIII: Kore Curze [Kor-Ee] (Konrad Curze):
Another literary reference, Konrad Curze is a reference to Joesph Conrad, the author of “Heart of Darkness.” The story is about the search for an ivory trader named Kurtz in the “Congo Free State,” an African colony of Belgium that existed from 1885 to 1908.
This discussion is about to get very serious (discussion of racism, slavery, and human mutilation), so please exercise discretion in reading further. However, I believe this historical context is necessary to understand “Heart of Darkness” and the themes that influenced the character of Konrad Curze.
Belgium’s King Leopold II privately owned the “Congo Free State” and unofficially owned the Congolese people as slaves. As an example of the sub-human manner in which the Congolese people were regarded by Leopold, approximately 300 Congolese people were brought to Belgium and put in a human zoo designed as a fenced-in parody of an African village. Seven Congolese died of illnesses while imprisoned there as the public was allowed to gawk at them.
Leopold’s demands for productivity from the colony resulted in the population being treated worse than animals for the sake of extracting resources such as rubber. Congolese people were shot to death for failing to meet rubber collection quotas. Their hands were then cut off by their executioners to prove the bullets weren’t being “wasted” or stockpiled for a mutiny. The hands of the Congolese became a perverse currency because companies in the colony could offset low rubber production by using the hands as a demonstration the company’s militia “resolved” the low production issues. The companies therefore incentivized their soldiers to harvest Congolese people’s hands by promising to shorten the duration of the soldiers' service abroad based on the number of hands collected. Eventually, soldiers realized they could save ammunition by cutting off the hands of people that were still alive.
In “Heart of Darkness,” Kurtz is an ivory trader that has gone mad from his participation in these atrocities against the Congolese people. Kurtz had wanted to “civilize” the Congolese, indulging in the racist idea that black people required the intervention of white Europeans to lift them out of “barbarism.” Over time, Kurtz grew accustomed to the inhuman treatment of the Congolese people and even started to like it. He managed to create a cult that worshipped him and wished to indulge openly in hurting people for sport, unlike the other colonizers that hid their inhumanity behind more polite motives like seeking profit. Ultimately, Kurtz adopts a nihilistic view of the world where no one has a right to judge his actions because the world allowed all this horror to happen on its own.
Curze is a derivation of Kurtz, combining the name with “curse.” “Cursed” pretty much describes both Konrad Curze and Kurtz. Konrad is, as mentioned above, a reference to the author of “Heart of Darkness,” Joseph Conrad. Conrad is derived from the German name Konrad, which comes from the Proto-West Germanic “koni,” meaning “bold, brave,” and “rad,” meaning “advice, counsel.”
The themes of engaging in atrocities out of spite for the world itself are present in both Curze and Kurtz. Needless to say, this is the grimdarkest of all the primarchs and one a noblebright setting will have to do a lot of heavy lifting the rehabilitate in a manner that is narratively satisfying. I wanted the new name to reflect this shift.
I could not find a feminine alternative for Konrad. Konstance was tempting (I’m fond of Konnie Curze), but I figured if I was going to deviate from the original name’s etymology I should try to tie it to the theme of darkness in a way but with a more positive connotation.
The word “koni” reminded me of the Greek “Kore,” an epithet for the Greek goddess Persephone. Kore means “The Maiden.” Persephone is the daughter of the harvest Goddess, Demeter. The god of the underworld, Hades, kidnapped Persephone and married her, though the relationship appears to be one of the more consensual ones in Greek myth beyond that detail. Demeter withdrew her power over the crops and brought on winter while Persephone was gone. However, Persephone had already eaten food in the Underworld, which bound her to that place eternally. The gods negotiated a compromise with Hades whereby Persephone would remain in the Underworld for part of each year, resulting in winter, and return to the surface for the other part of the year to appease Demeter and bring on the growing season.
Popular modern interpretations of Persephone tend to be of a pretty girl that causes nature to bloom spontaneously around her before mean old Hades captures her and brings on winter. However, the myths are quite clear that Persephone embraced her role as Queen of the Dead.
Persephone is referred to as “dread Persephone” in “The Odyssey,” indicating the sense of horror the character is meant to evoke through her status as Queen of the Underworld. The epithet Kore was a way for worshipers to refer to Persephone without uttering her terrible name. The practice is similar to the Arcadian worship of the goddess Despoina, which literally means “The Mistress.” Despoina was closely identified with Persephone and may be an older goddess the myth of Persephone arose from. The goddess’s real name was either unknown or a secret and worshipers only referred to her as "The Mistress" to avoid taking her name in vain. This is a convention familiar to Abrahamic faiths, which often use variants of “God,” “Lord,” or other euphemisms to refer to their singular god.
I like how both Kurtz and Persephone / Kore go into their own types of darkness and meet two different fates. Kurtz goes into a darkness created by humans and is consumed by it. Persephone is taken into the darkness that awaits us all in the end and accepts it. I felt this corresponded better with a noblebright take on Konrad and his struggle with the clarity of his own destiny.
Thought of the day:
Fear the shadows; despise the night. There are horrors that no man can face and survive.
Feel free to leave a comment on these submissions and this project generally. I look forward to sharing more with you next time~

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Chapter 3
Hurricane Georg.
Our first contact with the new world was a colossal hurricane. Veins of lightning shattered through the black, swirling clouds. I had just tried to calm the nerves of the ship when I saw Suri sitting in the hall beneath the control room.
She was in a lounge corner with her suitcase opened and her supplies scattered across the small table. The little light from the window illuminated her drawing for me to see over her shoulder.
The black and white sketch began at the bow of the ship. The figure of a man in facing the open ocean. Ahead of him, the familiar despair of Hurricane Georg. The man had his back towards the artist, but his stature sailed through the fierce storm without worry. His gaze only in the beautiful sight of home on the other side.
Her pencil began to etch the details of his crewmans jacket, "You have a gift, Suri. Truly, you do."
She was ahead of me, she did not jump or gasp as I had expected, "Thank you, Capi. I saw you in the reflection. Im hard to get the jump on."
"Then this shouldnt surprise you," I smiled and approached her table. "My capi stars are on the right side, "I stepped back and tapped my shoulder."
Disappointment inked her face, darkening her mood, "Dam."
I laughed and pulled up a chair. She had captured the view from the window perfectly and I made a point to tell her. As we talked the storm outside began to fade. The world around us was healed and the worries of yesterday had never existed.
Her eyes were near black, in color, and her skin was incredibly warm. Physical characteristic were useless to determine where a person was from, but 500 years ago, she would have fit at home with the people of the Middle East. Had I been a different man, her beauty and brain would make a perfect partner.
The longer I stared, the darker the world around us became. Until she broke my gaze and looked shocked at something through the window.
"Did you see that?"
"No, what was it?"
"I-Im not sure..." her face drained of color as the harsh rocking of the storm was interrupted by something else. Suri and I were flung off our chairs onto the floor, her supplies pelting us as they flew through the air. I tried to stand, but my legs were too soft to make it easy.
I struggled to a kneel using the bolted-down desk. Suri gasped and I looked down. The longer I looked, the itchier it became. Once more the world grew darker and I only had enough energy for a simple joke.
"Mr. Morgs was right about those things."
"Gud morning, Capi!" Ennay cheered from the wall-mounted screen.
I struggled to sit myself up. I was in the infirmary, only Ennay was there to greet me. My jacket was gone. All I had on was a white t-shirt and grey shorts.
"Officer Angelhart had your attire taken to be cleaned," Ennay chimed in, "Today is Wednesday, sir, 4:13am. Its the morning after you lost consciousness."
I thanked him and asked him to catch me up on the happenings in the passed half day.
"The reality is unclear, Capi, but Helmsman Archer believes we were attacked by a... a sea monster, sir."
"Archer? Hes no storyteller. Why?" I swung my legs over the bed, "get him down here or tell him im on my way."
Ennay surprised me with his fast response, "No. Sir, We had a breach. Ms. Aziz told the Doctor you had severed and artery during a spell of turbulence. The New Horizon had actually made contact with something what breached the hull. Damage Control responded in 4 minutes and were quick to contain flooding. However, we sustained a second breach."
Before he could continue, I dropped back onto the bed, "Whats the status?"
"On the New Horizon? Operational. A few sections had to be permanently sealed until we are out of this storm."
"And Damage Control?"
Ennay did not respond as quickly as he had been. It felt like an eternity before he told me, "6 casualties," the room fell completely silent. I couldnt even hear my heart beating, "5 fatalities. Sergant Franccigo Blanco is recovering in Infirmary 4C. He is unconscious, but has sustained gruesome wounds. Officer Angelhart declared a S.O.E. to assume your position. Otherwise,..."
"Yes, yes, the prosthetics. I hate that system."
"Well, sir, you are able to disable it."
"What?"
"Its not a very common scenario, but since we are not in International Sea, the law requiring your presence does not necessarily need to be enforced."
I sat back and thought for a second, "Ill discuss it with Dr. Mally. Where are they all?"
"Dr. Mally is in Infirmary 4C with Sergant Blanco. Officer Angelhart is your office filling out an incident report for both your accident and the breaches."
"Thank you, Ennay. Tell Max I am on my way and then let Dr. Mally know I will meet her shortly."
"Of course, sir."
My office was silent except for the fan gently spinning from the ceiling. Across from me was a young man, mid-twenties, with dusty blond hair. His uniform was perfect, he has even removed his hat on the perfect beat upon entering the room.
The appearance and demeanor any ship captain would be beyond proud to accept on his ship. It had just been dumb luck that he had lost both of his eyes to shrapnel sealing off the lower corridors during the state of emergency yesterday.
I poured Mr. Blanco a drink, 2444 Geoff Russel - The Hearty Mans Drink. I needed to finish the incident report, but Id never ask a man to relive what he had without a bit of buzz to his bite.
"So, Sargent Blanco, I-"
"You can call me, Fran, Capi."
"And you can call me Santago, for tonight anyway," I continued my questions. I tried my best to stay shallow and not dive deep into the pain Fran had endures just hours ago.
We talked about the 5 fatalities.
"Did you... see... them die?"
The gauze replacing his eyes stared at me, blankly. His face was uncanny, unhuman. Like the man inside may actually have been a 6th dead body.
"No," he quickly took a drink, "I did hear them, though. They yelled and screamed for me to open the door. I- I couldnt see. I thought the sea water had poisoned me somehow. I kept rubbing and rubbing my eyes hoping to get whatever radioactive stuff out of my head..." He took a breath. He was remarkably calm. Agitated, of course. But calm.
He continued, "I looked through the window on the bulkhead and the last thing I saw was Aleks staring back at me. His eyes were... he was calling out for me, I am sure of it. But something got him and he was sucked out."
"I am so sorry, Fran," I tried to write as quietly as possible to not remind him of the formality, "Do you know what got him?"
He finished his glass. As he set it down, he missed the table. The cup did not shatter, but it had jolted Fran from his memory. He lost his composure.
He started yelling at me about a horrific beast he had seen. How Aleks, Private Aleksander Igorsen, had been encased in blood and black sludge. He swung his hands wildly at the table in a rage, but had only managed to knock over a lamp.
Pity does not begin to describe what I felt watching him. Like a bleeding animal continuing to run from the wolves despite not knowing he was already surrounded. In him, I saw death. I saw anger. I saw fear. I saw what he was feeling imaging the creature that killed his men.
I grappled with him, trying to make my location known and always talking to him. I was not some monster from the unknown blackness set on hunting him and he needed to know that. He continued to struggle until I had completely engulfed his whirlwind into a hug. The screams turned to cries and then to whimpers.
After some time, I dismissed him back to his room and instructed Ennay that he was on suicide watch. Sergant Franccigo Blanco had earned a promotion or a permanent dismissal, whichever he wanted, but I needed him to take time to himself before I reminded him where we are.
The storm was intense, but at least it was consistent. By Katzs reckoning, we are approaching the halfway point of this hurricane. We had entered it 51 hours ago and Katz had said we are another 50 away from clear skies.
Unfortunately for all of us, Katzs theory was not seen through.
It began with our solar panelling being severed from their operating power banks. That was not a major issue, hydropower was our primary source. The issue arose when the New Horizon began to spin.
I had radioed the Helmsman demanding why we are weighing anchor, but the anchor was still resting above water. He said no one dropped the anchor. Something else entirely had us. We rushed to every window, every pane of glass to search for whatever it was that was stopping us.
Ennay spoke out, "Capi, Major Gorlammi has spotted our snag at 129 degrees. Nearest viewpoint is Residential Room L3D, assigned to L-"
I ignored the rest, I needed to see what was in that window. Luckily for me, Lucy Partridge was not home. I burst through the door and, for the first time, I saw a behemoth of a serpent-like creature sticking out of the water. I could not see a head, nor tail. I also had no idea if what I saw was the body or an appendage connected to some inconceivably large beast.
After enough time, I manage to figure out one of the ships heavy guns had pierced the creature and was holding us together. Our best bet was to either rotate the gun and hope its dislodged or to remove the gun entirely.
I relayed this information to Ennay to alerted the Gunner Teams and Damage Control. Yet, none of them would be given the chance. In the distance, silhouetted by sparks of lightning the size of the ship, I saw the head of the creature. It must have been miles away, but the size was unparalleled. Its head leaped from the water and swiveled back towards us. It was like a colossal eel. Flashes of light showed through its skin like veins until it sent a surge into the gun and into the ship.
The lights went out across the boat. The only light was the occasional flash from outside. It was completely dark, but I knew it was still coming for us.
I ran out of the quarters as emergency lights slowly burned. The hallway must have been 100 feet long before Id reach the staircase, but when I was halfway through, my feet left the ground.
I felt weightless for a moment. The lights burned out and all around me was darkness. My heart was incredibly slow or maybe time had slowed. I felt the doorframe to Mrs. Partridges room snap against my elbow. There was no pain. I didnt even feel pain when glass cut across my back as I was hurled through the shattered window.
I crashed into the water, it must have been hundreds of feet below me. I was in shock. I looked around and all I saw was darkness. Then, suddenly, all I saw was light. The eel sent a pulse through its body and for the first time I saw the monster entirely. It surrounded the ship above water, coiled all about the waves, and entangled the entire ocean as deep as I could see.
This is not a colossal eel surviving a hurricane.
This colossal eel is the very being causing the hurricane.
A cosmic terror named Hurricane Georg.

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

Hey everyone, first time posting here. I’m about 30 sessions in on an Icewind Dale campaign I’m running for my home table. One of my players is a Paladin for the church of helm that may have broke his oath. I wanted to reach out to you guys for some feedback on if he broke his oath and what to do next.
A quick summary of his story is that the church of helm he grew up in is in somewhat of a negative place in the world. In recent years the church of helm has shrunk in size and those left just act like guards for their cities (think wall guard from attack on titan). He is on a quest to accomplish a grand feat and become the “Grand Prior” or new face of the Church of Helm. By undergoing the grand quest to fight end Aurils reign, he is attempting to bring the view of the church to a more positive place.
One of the main things he learned in his years of religious training is that lycanthropes and similar monstrosities are a danger to society and go directly against what Helm stands for. When he took his oath, he vowed to cleanse the land of Aurils evil and all the monstrosities that threaten the people of Tentowns.
During my last session my players were ambushed by a group of werewolves. These werewolves have a strange strand of lycanthropy that was influenced by a group of hags that worship Auril (remember this for later). During this encounter my groups Paladin contracted lycanthropy from a bite attack. I had this roll for the lycanthropy save be private so no other players knew the outcome. He rolled a natural 1 on the save against it. The next hit he took brought him down. He then rolled a failed death save. On his next turn he rolled a natural 1 on his next death save.
At my table we roll a special die that steers the overall narrative at times which we call a “scrawl save”. Whenever a player is called to roll this die it usually maps out how things are going to go for that players impact on the world or how the parties luck will be for the next session or two. These “scrawl saves” are usually very important and campaign altering rolls. The die only has marking for a critical success, success, failure, or critical failure, no numbers.
Since this was a thematic moment which was about to be the first death in this campaign, I allowed my Paladin to roll a scrawl save to see if this new mutated version of lycanthropy would kick in and save the Paladin like a parasite protecting its host. He rolled a success. I had him pop back up at 1hp in his werewolf form. The party then protected him and ended the fight.
My Paladin saw the roleplaying aspect of what happened and went with it. He was trained his whole life to despise the thing that saved his life and he became. Does this mean he broke his oath? Since He became a monstrosity and spawn of the evil power he swore to his god he would destroy I am conflicted with how to set up the next steps for him. What do you guys think I should do with this going forward? Any advice is welcome.

Squad. It’s time, can we as a community rally around a Cats & Dogs refresh?
For everyone who has pets, probably feel the same as me. The cats & dogs pack leaves so much to be desired. Especially with all of the new packs, some integration is in order. I would love to get the community talking about this ❤️
Here are some of my thoughts for a cats & dogs refresh. Let me know some of your ideas and how you would feel about a cats & dogs refresh
Cats & Dogs Refresh Ideas
Gameplay

• Click on pets to and view sim profiles, inventory, family tree, skills, etc. Not quite fully playable, but I would like to see their sims panels
• cats/dogs training tricks have a skill bar (for each or lumped together, and skills for hunting, and obedience)
• dogs sleep in bed with you if there is an open slot (and a training option to ask them to not jump on the bed)
• ⁠pet competitions for pets to compete and earn an income, rabbit hole that gives random ribbons and prizes. Pet training skill for both sim and pet impact performance
• go look for dog interaction where sims go into rabbit hole and have a 10% chance of finding them
• add fear training, to help them get over fears (see fears in pet sim profile as a train, like human sims fears) and maybe a new fear or two like separation
• ⁠ increase pool autonomy and more dog pool interactions (like lay on a pool floatie and fetch)
• ⁠train puppies, simple commands like sit, lay down, and stay
• ⁠allow kids to walk the dog
• walk 2 dogs at once per sim (either a double leash or one in each hand)
• walk dogs together interaction where multiple sims walk multiple dogs together, like a hike from snowy escape. Also I haven’t used the hike interaction much but if you can’t bring dogs, update allows you to bring dogs on a hike
• pets autonomously interact with each other more, I want to see them cuddle and play and sniff and clean each other, be silly together (I would LOVE if dogs could reject these too! Like when you give a cautious greeting - based on traits)

New Gameplay Objects

• a mental stimulation toy, something to decrease pet energy and increase fun and skills (lots of options: puzzle toys, snuggle mats, lick mats, a kong)
• bones! A consumable item for pets (mostly dogs) that they chew with the same effects as a mental stimulation toy, thibk bully stick, dried yak (llama) cheese, a classic bone, etc.
• cat shelves, a set of shelves (not modular) that cats can climb on
• crate for each size, for smaller size it could also be a carrying crate used for training and as a bed

BUILD / BUY

• slow feeder pet bowl (no effect needed)
• more dog beds! Especially for large breeds, the bends in game are way too big and need more styles
• more toy bin styles, like a wicker or fabric basket
• a new cat tree
• a new scratching post
• a new version of the existing agility course objects

CAS

• a new harness, less bulky
• a matching pj set to the basegame pjs

Traits

• Loves water: loves baths, autonomously plays in puddles, jumps in the pool, plays in the pool and ponds, plays in the rain
• Protector: autonomously sits and lays down by the door and “guards”, growls at strangers (ugh if only we had burglars), “guards” other pets

Other - ⁠looooots of tuning, lower chance of sickness, lower chance of running away, play with other pets more (depending on traits)
Cross Pack Compatibility - Knittable clothing for cats and dogs (Nifty Knitting) - cats & dogs included in family dynamics, I would love to see this, it may be #1 on my wish list (Growing Together) - “guards” chickens, horses, goats/sheep from foxes or other intruders (Cottage Living & Horse Ranch)
If you read this far you are a real hero! I don’t expect this much in a refresh, but dang this would impact my game in so many ways! I would even buy this pack again to see these features added.
Thoughts?

Hey everyone, first time posting here. I’m about 30 sessions in on an Icewind Dale campaign I’m running for my home table. One of my players is a Paladin for the church of helm that may have broke his oath. I wanted to reach out to you guys for some feedback on if he broke his oath and what to do next.
A quick summary of his story is that the church of helm he grew up in is in somewhat of a negative place in the world. In recent years the church of helm has shrunk in size and those left just act like guards for their cities (think wall guard from attack on titan). He is on a quest to accomplish a grand feat and become the “Grand Prior” or new face of the Church of Helm. By undergoing the grand quest to fight end Aurils reign, he is attempting to bring the view of the church to a more positive place.
One of the main things he learned in his years of religious training is that lycanthropes and similar monstrosities are a danger to society and go directly against what Helm stands for. When he took his oath, he vowed to cleanse the land of Aurils evil and all the monstrosities that threaten the people of Tentowns.
During my last session my players were ambushed by a group of werewolves. These werewolves have a strange strand of lycanthropy that was influenced by a group of hags that worship Auril (remember this for later). During this encounter my groups Paladin contracted lycanthropy from a bite attack. I had this roll for the lycanthropy save be private so no other players knew the outcome. He rolled a natural 1 on the save against it. The next hit he took brought him down. He then rolled a failed death save. On his next turn he rolled a natural 1 on his next death save.
At my table we roll a special die that steers the overall narrative at times which we call a “scrawl save”. Whenever a player is called to roll this die it usually maps out how things are going to go for that players impact on the world or how the parties luck will be for the next session or two. These “scrawl saves” are usually very important and campaign altering rolls. The die only has marking for a critical success, success, failure, or critical failure, no numbers.
Since this was a thematic moment which was about to be the first death in this campaign, I allowed my Paladin to roll a scrawl save to see if this new mutated version of lycanthropy would kick in and save the Paladin like a parasite protecting its host. He rolled a success. I had him pop back up at 1hp in his werewolf form. The party then protected him and ended the fight.
My Paladin saw the roleplaying aspect of what happened and went with it. He was trained his whole life to despise the thing that saved his life and he became. Does this mean he broke his oath? Since He became a monstrosity and spawn of the evil power he swore to his god he would destroy I am conflicted with how to set up the next steps for him. What do you guys think I should do with this going forward? Any advice is welcome.

Hey everyone, first time posting here. I’m about 30 sessions in on an Icewind Dale campaign I’m running for my home table. One of my players is a Paladin for the church of helm that may have broke his oath. I wanted to reach out to you guys for some feedback on if he broke his oath and what to do next.
A quick summary of his story is that the church of helm he grew up in is in somewhat of a negative place in the world. In recent years the church of helm has shrunk in size and those left just act like guards for their cities (think wall guard from attack on titan). He is on a quest to accomplish a grand feat and become the “Grand Prior” or new face of the Church of Helm. By undergoing the grand quest to fight end Aurils reign, he is attempting to bring the view of the church to a more positive place.
One of the main things he learned in his years of religious training is that lycanthropes and similar monstrosities are a danger to society and go directly against what Helm stands for. When he took his oath, he vowed to cleanse the land of Aurils evil and all the monstrosities that threaten the people of Tentowns.
During my last session my players were ambushed by a group of werewolves. These werewolves have a strange strand of lycanthropy that was influenced by a group of hags that worship Auril (remember this for later). During this encounter my groups Paladin contracted lycanthropy from a bite attack. I had this roll for the lycanthropy save be private so no other players knew the outcome. He rolled a natural 1 on the save against it. The next hit he took brought him down. He then rolled a failed death save. On his next turn he rolled a natural 1 on his next death save.
At my table we roll a special die that steers the overall narrative at times which we call a “scrawl save”. Whenever a player is called to roll this die it usually maps out how things are going to go for that players impact on the world or how the parties luck will be for the next session or two. These “scrawl saves” are usually very important and campaign altering rolls. The die only has marking for a critical success, success, failure, or critical failure, no numbers.
Since this was a thematic moment which was about to be the first death in this campaign, I allowed my Paladin to roll a scrawl save to see if this new mutated version of lycanthropy would kick in and save the Paladin like a parasite protecting its host. He rolled a success. I had him pop back up at 1hp in his werewolf form. The party then protected him and ended the fight.
My Paladin saw the roleplaying aspect of what happened and went with it. He was trained his whole life to despise the thing that saved his life and he became. Does this mean he broke his oath? Since He became a monstrosity and spawn of the evil power he swore to his god he would destroy I am conflicted with how to set up the next steps for him. What do you guys think I should do with this going forward? Any advice is welcome.

Hi, (Female, 17) here. My sister (21, Female).
When I was younger, around 12 - 13, I had a pretty good relationship with my older sister, we'll call her Sam.
Sam and I were very close, we shared hobbies and got along perfectly fine. But around the time I turned 14-15, Sam changed drastically.
I started noticing it with her body language. She started looking at me with disgust. She no longer enjoyed hanging out with me and would always make up an excuse to ditch me. I could tell our relationship changed but I wasn't sure why.
It got worse over time. Sam would picked fights and called me horrible names. The ones used most often are "Conceited, selfish, b*tch." I hadn't changed, I still acted the same, I still loved the same things as I did when I was 12. She got very personal and hurtful with the insults. She made fun of my hair, my voice, the way I walked. She made it clear that she didn't like anything about me anymore. It hurt a lot and I felt alone for a while. When I entered high-school, I made more friends and really enjoyed their company. I feel like they helped turned me into a more confident and happier version of myself.
Sam didn't really talk to me around this time but one day, I woke up to her screaming about me to my mother early in the morning. This came as a shock because we hadn't spoken or even fought prior to this. It was totally random. She told my mother that she didn't want to be near me, how she hated me and I was a stupid c*nt. It sounded like she was in tears when she was screaming this. That's how I knew this hatred she had for me was real. She told my mother she was going to physically attack me and beat me up. Of course, everyone thought she was bluffing but it turns out she wasn't. She attacked me about 3 times. Luckily, someone was always there to pull her off of me. Sam was bigger than me. She was taller and weighed more so of course she overpowered me. It was absolutely terrifying to have someone who you always loved and trusted, completely turn on you and try to hurt you.
Eventually things calmed down. Sam got a job and was finally socializing outside of our family. She didn't go to school so she had all the time in the day to do anything but unfortunately spent it making my life a living hell. She made me extremely insecure about myself but around 15 - 16, I gained my confidence back and tried to ignore everything she said to me.
My other older sister, we'll call Veronica, was talking to this guy, who she really liked, and I noticed Sam would flirt with him a lot. As time went on, Sam managed to steal this guy from Veronica and they started dating. This absolutely BROKE Veronica. She had to watch her sister and her ex bf dating, kissing, and flirting in front of her. Every time Veronica was near them, Sam would have this smug smile on her face and rub it in Veronica's face. I was so pissed for Veronica. Sam ended up getting her karma and the guy broke her heart. Now every time Veronica is talking to or seeing a guy, Sam always asks if she can meet him or go out with them together and Veronica won't let her. I can't blame her. Sam is sneaky and if she's not flirting with Veronica's boyfriend, she's trying to embarrass her.
I notice Sam tries to embarrass me a lot. When we're out in public setting, she'll always say something obnoxiously rude. She tells everyone I'm shy when I'm really not. I'm actually the most bubbly in the family. I just don't say anything around her cause I'm uncomfortable and I don't want her to embarrass me. She tells everyone I'm a conceited diva and she makes herself seem humble and down to earth. The other day we were out with some family members that we hadn't seen in years and Sam was taking pictures of the view and I was watching her take the photos and she looked at me and yelled "ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOURSELF IN THE REFLECTION OF MY CAMERA" and I explained to her that I couldn't see myself because the camera was flipped and I was just watching the photos be taken. Usually I don't defend myself or explain, I'd just laugh things off but this time, I was sick of her making me look like a concieted b*tch to people so I made it clear she was misunderstanding and I could tell she didn't like this. She snarled and stormed off. It got pretty awkward after that and everyone was confused about why she was saying that to me.
Sam ended up getting a boyfriend. I didn't like him so I stayed away but she would always bring him over even though he treated my family like crap. He called my dog ugly, he never thanked my grandma for cooking them dinners, and he ignored my other family members. He would come over and flop on the couch like a beached whale. I couldn't tell him to leave so I hid in my bedroom. I found out from him that Sam was sharing a lot of me and my family's personal business. Things like, money, drama, lawsuits, and issues we were having within the family that were NOT supposed to be discussed for fun. She shared EXTREMELY private things and this broke my family's trust with her. Everyone tried to keep things secret from her out of fear that she'd tell people she knew. Sam shared me and another family member's sexuality with her friends and boyfriend. I told Sam that I was not ready to tell my parents yet because they weren't big supporters of that kind of stuff. She now holds this over my head and hints about it to my parents. She doesn't do this to my other family member even though they aren't out either, she only uses this again me.
One time my Sam got drunk and told me that her and her boyfriend had sex where I sleep. She thought this was absolutely hilarious and I was so pissed. I had never felt such anger and betrayal. She also made a few sexual jokes about me to her boyfriend which left me feeling disgusted so I'd rather not discuss those.
Sam is almost 22 now and she's still living with us. She doesn't have a job and she doesn't help much with chores. She plays on her phone all day or watches TV. I'm working 3 days a week and finishing school but Sam tells me that I do nothing all day and I need to do more with my time. She also told me I shouldn't be allowed to finish high-school because she never did, even though she didn't want to finish and dropped out by choice. I tried to explain to her that I really want to finish high-school and save up money for college but she thinks I don't deserve to.
She stills says horrible things to me like "you have no future, you'll still be sitting on your ass in your parents house when you're 30." She also told me that she hopes I can't have kids because I'd be a terrible selfish mother. She steals my food and shames my interests.
I miss the sister who loved me back. I don't know who she is now and I don't know why she thinks we're in competition.
Please share your thoughts on my story and let me know if you've dealt with similar issues! 💛

Okay, now that this is all typed out, I realised this sounds really, really silly. But I don't know what to do, and I've already put some time into writing this, so I might as well post it, and maybe get some much needed insight.
TL;DR: My fiancee's friend is hitting on me, my fiancee doesn't seem to mind and even seems to encourage her behaviour, and I can't make sense of what the hell is happening.
Now this is a story where nothing happens, except a very strong gut feeling that something is out of the ordinary. First things first, I'm not in the US, so I don't want legal advice, because it probably doesn't apply in my country (unless you're brazilian...). Anyway, I (M26) have been engaged to my fiancee, Lara (F29) for about three years, but she's in my life for almost ten years, and we've been dating on and off since 2018. This will be relevant in a while.
Our relationship is great in every sense since the beginning. We're what most would call a "bland" couple, so we mostly don't fight and agree in pretty much everything: life goals, career, bedroom, living standards, work-life balance, you name it. And one thing we always agreed on was that we were monogamous. I have my personal views about open ralationships, that are very strong. Lara's not much, but she agreed that as long as we were a couple, we would be monogamous.
But things started getting a bit weird since this girl, let's call her Amanda, got into her life. So I'm pretty sure Lara met (or reconnected with) Amanda at work, after the Covid restrictions were lifted. And they went into a pretty intimate friendship in a matter of weeks. To the point of spending a lot of time messaging or facetiming each other, going together on girl nights. I found it rather strange at first, because it's so out of character for my fiancee, normally very private and even a little shy, to go from "I just met this person at work" to "she's my best friend".
Well, I confronted her about it, not because I'm jealous or anything, but because it was weird coming from her. She told me that Amanda was, in fact, an old friend of hers from school, and that they used to spend a lot of time together but lost contact, and now are reconnecting. Okay, this explanation went good with me, and I stopped thinking about it, and would not have thought of the matter anymore if it weren't for what happened afterwards.
You see, Amanda is very, VERY flirty towards me. She always strikes up conversation with me, compliments me a lot, makes sexual jokes/innuendo directed at me, and it happens even in front of my fiancee. Honestly, I can't say I'm used to being flirted with, but I know the difference between when someone is being nice and when someone is actually hitting on me. But I let it rest for a while, it might be just how Amanda is. But then something weird happened back in January (not getting into detail, but Amanda crossed some of my boundaries), and I felt the need to confront Lara. I talked to her in a very serious manner, about what I thought Amanda was doing, and asked Lara if she had ever noticed something as well, and if it bothered her. Lara all but laughed at me, told me not to stress over it, and to "go with the flow". She even gave a little wink when she told me that.
From that day onwards, I didn't speak to Lara about the subject anymore, but I kind of noticed that Amanda's flirting started to get more straightforward. She even asked me out (although in a very subtle fashion) once, while Lara was on a work trip. I obviously refused, told her I loved Lara and we were monogamous and stuff, and she shrugged it off. But what is keeping me awake at night is something that happened just yesterday.
As you might know already, the southmost state of my country (Rio Grande do Sul) is going through a very dire situation right now, with terrible floods. I happened to be there traveling for work when the floods hit. I won't get much into the details, but I was scheduled to be there for a week to attend some training sessions and workshops, and I ended up having to stay for a few days more, since all flights were cancelled. I decided to come back via bus, out of my own pocket. It was a very demanding trip, a day and a half in total just to get to [State Capital]. From there, I would have to wait about ten hours for the next bus to [My Town], which would be another three hours.
So I arranged with Lara to make the trip to [State Capital], pick me up at the bus station, and get a hotel room for us to spend the night, so I could get some rest, and we would come back to [My Town] in the morning. She loved the idea, and told me not to worry, that she would get a hotel, and yadda yadda. Well, when she sent me the address, I looked it up and realized it was in fact a love hotel. And a fancy one, by the way. Well, I loved the idea, first because she was paying for it (haha), and second, because we had spent the past two weeks without any intimacy. I reckon she wanted to catch up in more than one sense... But I digress.
Okay, so last night I arrive at the bus station, she gives me the instructions to find where she is parked, I go there, see our car, and as I approach it, almost instantly the door opens... and Amanda comes out. What the heck! She had her hair and makeup done, and I mildly panicked: why was she there? Did something happen to Lara? She was all giggly, too, told me nothing was wrong, but that Lara asked her to come and get me to [Love Hotel]. I stand there, flabbergasted, and she grabs my arm and tries to coax me into the car. Now, I'm a quick thinker of sorts, especially when my gut feelings kick in, so I tapped my pockets, pretended to be anxious (it wasn't very hard, and not much of pretending - I was VERY anxious) and told her that I had forgotten my phone on the bus, so I had an excuse to dart back into the station.
From there, I immediately texted Lara, who laughed at me. I understood at that moment that she was behind it, so I told her I was not going to spend the night with her friend at [Love Hotel], and she just kept laughing and told me it was fine, but that I was "stupid and oblivious" to "miss that opportunity", and that we would talk when I got home. I was very confused by this altercation, and being already tired from the trip, I took a cab, asked him to drive me to the nearest hotel, and booked a room for the night. I spent the night awake, overthinking, and irrationally afraid that Amanda would find me somehow.
I called Lara this morning. we had a quick chat, where she told me that Amanda was a bit disappointed at me but not mad (I didn't even ask), and that I could come back by bus, but she refused to engage in any conversation about the subject. I told her I was feeling confused, in the sense that I really don't understand what's happening, she reassured me everything was fine. I told her that I didn't think so, I was feeling very weird, and she once again told me she wants to talk to me only in person. So what the heck is happening? I booked one more night, so I won't be coming home today. But has anyone here gone through anything similar to this? Why did Amanda "catfish" me? And with Lara's avail, after all? The things that are going to my head is that either Lara wants to "test" me of sorts, or that she is seeing someone else and wants me to "reciprocate". I can't see any other possibility, and honestly, I feel like I don't know my own fiancee anymore. Am I overreacting?

I figured I would post this since there isn’t a lot out there like this and get some fresh perspectives. So we met in 2010, dated for years. Was absolutely out of this world the first year. She F(22) and myself (29) at the time. Moved in together after 4 months and the passion was like nothing I had ever experienced. Well, I lost my job, was on unemployment and she was a waitress. We made ends meet. I finally got work about 6 months later and we started to have a life again. But everything was a whirlwind by year 4. I was doing good, making six figures, buying houses. It was evrything we always wanted . But she was on ig and got really popular and she started looking at that life. She had always done bikini contests and what not so, i thought we could handle it. Around 2017, we break up as we weren’t seeing eye to eye and she was always saying she wasn’t in it. Well, 2 months later she comes back. She had hooked up with two guys but never told me. So, we are back together for 6 months and we get engaged and life seems blissful, sort of. Just she didn’t seem right all the time but we were out planning the wedding and we ever go on a cruise and had the time of our life. Then in September things started getting off with her and she is pulling away. She had been talking and texting a guy for the last 6 months. Well, she leaves again, and gets her own place. I tried talking to her for a few months, even got her out but she wasn’t having it. Two months later she still has a Christmas dinner with her Mom and stepdad at my house while texting a guy the whole night she is there. She was going to stay the night but was just pushing it and wouldn’t stop so I told her she might as well leave. So, needless to say, we don’t talk again until 2 months later as she needs help moving some stuff and she is moving states away. That was the hardest time for me. Watching the last 8 years of my life drive off into the distance. Devastated was an understatement. Everything seemed so real at that point. I didn’t hear from her for about 10 months, maybe once but nothing really. I messaged her off and on. She would tell me not to message her as she was on dates or doing something else. But anyway, she tells me 10 months later that she needs help with her house and wants me to come up. So, I do and we hang out every day and night for a week. I couldn’t believe it was happening. I am a nervous wreck while I am there and just trying to be the old me. Well, a few mo the go by and she wants to make it official. So, I buy a house in her state and move up there. She sleeps with a guy she had been with a week before I get there and never says a thing. So I get up there and things seem off. And we got into it a lot and I couldn’t figure it out. Well 6 months go by and we flip a house and sell mine that we were staying at. While flipping the house, she wants a house with land so we buy another house and I think our lives can finally start, but she goes back to the house in a different state and tells me she is done. She talks to me every now and then and decides to do counseling over the phone. While in counseling she tells me she doesn’t know if she wants to continue because she may miss Mr. Right. Well, I stay where I am and finish up two flips. 3 months later she decides she wants to try us again, I find out about all the guys she has been with and what happened the last year and I was upset and deeply hurt. Told her I just need to work through all of this. Well, for the next two months I was kind of in and out. But got back to our baseline. For 6 months the or so, we were good but then everything was off again. She wanted to break up, but wanted to keep the house. I tried to make it work for the next six months but she wasn’t in it and wanted to be successful and be with someone successful. So, I leave the state for six months. And I don’t see or hear from her for a year. I am back in the state she is in and I go to a concert. Meanwhile she had been dating someone for the last 7 months. She messages me at the concert and says she is single. We meet up and I grab her and kiss her. She calls me after the concert and go back to her house and talk for 6 hours. Well slowly we start talking and before you know it are back again. Once again, good for 6 months and she is done. I would get anxious sometimes and push if she needed space. And the other times she really wasn’t in it. But this last time, for some reason she was different. And I was different. But we needed up in the same place. I am the affectionate one, I am the passionate one, I am one who made it feel special. But I feel such loss everytime she leaves. People use the word soulmate. But it’s like I met myself. She was a daredevil, loved going for motorcycle rides and nice cars, we loved all the same music, same shows, same beliefs and values. We played ping pong and did karaoke. It was like nothing I have ever experienced.
The strange part is…. I never followed the ex back coaches advice. I would email her and message her. I always stayed in contact. And I wonder if that’s why she came back but always left. Months apart, years apart, it didn’t matter. When we were back together, it was like we had seen each other 5 mins ago. She would get with other guys and date around but I never did. I worked and dated a few but nothing serious. Always thought about her, no one else really compared.
Well, fast forward to today. It’s been about two and half months and we haven’t spoken. I have sent her some emails telling her how I feel. And left it at that. She reads them all but doesn’t respond. I am trying to let go and really move on but I don’t know how to let go of her or what we had as we have been together for 14 years and no matter how crazy the story, my love for her is forever. I always think, maybe she will come back again this time, she has 5 other times. But then I think, what will be different. I stayed in contact before, I think this time, I will have to let it be, and she would have to come to me. I know I always saw her as the love of my life. It was never a question. She loved me but nothing how I viewed her. She always left and got with other guys and didn’t skip a beat. Life went on and couldn’t be better. But when she was in it, she was all about me. When she went into her off modes, she had nothing.
I know with most of the forums and stories, the women leave and they can’t get that feeling back. But for her it’s like an on/off switch. So, she can always find it again. I feel like I really don’t know what to do? Where to go. We were going to start a family this year and really move forward but that didn’t happen. Now I am wondering will she talk to me? Will it be years? I know she will date other people. Will she stay with one of them. It’s all a lot to take in right now and the last two months have really sucked. You think it would get easier being the 6th time but it really doesn’t. Maybe a little bit it still hits like a freight train.i guess i will leave this here and if you have any questions, can fire away. Sorry for the long read, but any thoughts would be appreciated.

Today my girlfriend got a message from someone else on instagram claiming she’s been on a few dates with me over the the past couple of months and now my girlfriend is furious. I’ve never met this girl. I do not have any social media presence and my girlfriend’s account is private. The girl never mentioned my name but just said that she’s seeing the guy in my girlfriend’s profile photo. I told my girlfriend I don’t know this person and to ask her literally anything about me (what’s my name, about how tall am I, what do I drive, where did we go on our dates, etc.). I have a feeling this is some kind of screwed up prank or a scam. Is there anything I can do to prove this isn’t real?

I'm looking for a good front-end to connect my API keys in a private way. I want something easy to use, which won't have much risk of intercepting/leaking my API keys or viewing my personal messages. I've heard of LM Studio being recommended, but usually people discount it due to it not being open-sourced. From what I could see, it's available in code on github, so isn't it open-sourced? Is it that there's a website version they host, which people think is the only one usable?
Does anyone know how it compares to Librechat, or if there's another, better, solution outside of them?

Hi everyone,
I wanted to share with you my response to the introduction found in the only edition of Use of the Self currently in print. I believe it's a rather misleading intro to FM Alexander's work, so I'm sharing this in the hope that I can help clear up misconceptions people may have about the Alexander Technique, not derived only from Anthony Kingsley, but many bland blog posts one tends to encounter when researching the Alexander Technique. That said, this is not intended to be an introduction of its own, but rather something experienced students, teachers, and anyone enthusiastically learning the Technique may find useful. In the tradition of Alexander himself, I've included extensive footnotes, some painfully long. I'm happy to answer any questions or otherwise discuss what I've written. Understand these are my own interpretations and opinions about what some call "the work," so take them as you will. I've taken lessons for a number of years and currently am training as a teacher, so my view of the Technique is based on these experiences, as well as my interpretations of Alexander's writings. Some of these interpretations you may object to, but I hope you find my arguments reasonable.
Response to Anthony Kingsley's Introduction to The Use of the Self
The Use of the Self may be FM Alexander's most important work, since it contains his own account of how he developed what is now called the Alexander Technique. While Alexander's other volumes are available from Mouritz, the only edition of The Use of the Self currently in print is published by Orion Spring. This edition replaces the philosopher John Dewey's introduction—which praises the technique's "genuinely scientific character"—with one by the contemporary teacher Anthony Kingsley, who is heralded on the book's front cover as a "leading Alexander Technique teacher." Therefore it is probable that many readers' first impressions of the Alexander Technique will be framed by Mr. Kingsley's opinions. I submit this is problematic, since his introduction is in my view contradictory to fundamental principles of the Alexander Technique. I write this response to address the introduction's two most dire faults: Kingsley's misrepresentation of the concepts inhibition and direction, and his dismissal of the concept of the primary control. I'll begin with the second, since it is a more straightforward error.
Primary Control
Kingsley opens his paragraphs on the primary control with the opinion that the concept should be "recast," then describes Alexander's definition of the primary control as a "particular relationship of his head, neck and back [that] acted as a master reflex that conditioned his whole organism." Then he discards this definition, claiming the head-neck-back relativity should instead be "regarded as an indicator[sic] of overall health rather than an area considered in isolation." He concedes the "region of the neck and back is a [...] barometer of our state of being," but concludes that "no single element is actually primary," since our eyes, breath, digestive system, and all other psychophysical elements are "simultaneous and interdependent" and also like barometers. Finally, he reveals his "recast" of the primary control, defining it as "the unknown and unseen self-righting and self-healing mechanism that can be restored and vitalized."
In sum, Mr. Kingsley has presented the primary control—which Alexander wrote extensively about and considered central to his technique—with an ill-defined mystical force which, accordingly, Alexander must have unwittingly stumbled upon and mistaken for a certain relativity of the head, neck and back.
Ironically, it is in The Use of the Self where Alexander wrote of discovering the necessity to first free his neck in seeking a better condition for his vocal apparatus, since that was the sine qua non of taking his head forward and up, of widening the back, and so forth, which are in turn the necessary conditions of freedom and stability in the limbs. This is the genesis of Alexander's use of the word "primary" in describing the head-neck-back relationship, and in my experience, as in Alexander's, it holds true: the sequence of directions given to oneself matters greatly, since tense feet, for example, can hardly flatten on the floor if the head is taken back and down, whereas the head can be taken "forward and up"1 to a fine degree even if there is tension in the lower extremities, particularly while sitting. Further, and maybe most significantly, the relativity of the head-neck-back rarely need change during any manner of activity, whereas the arms and legs are constantly bending, rising, stretching, and so on. Small wonder Alexander considered this relativity primary.
Of course, Kingsley is not wrong to point out the interdependence of all processes in the body. It is certainly true that undue tension in the feet creates a downward pull on the head, neck and back. Yet what is crucial to understand here is that in the context of learning and teaching the Alexander Technique, the primary control is an indispensable concept. It instructs the pupil to guide his or her attention through the body in the sequence most fit to facilitate proper relativity of all the parts, and it names succinctly that natural, visible, dynamic yet enduring relativity of the head, neck and back observable in little children and animals as well as many great musicians and athletes. Thus Kingsley discards a practical concept in favor of a truism about "interdependence;" and so we come to his second, graver error.
Direction
Here it begins to seem that what Kingsley writes of in his introduction is not the Alexander Technique at all, but in fact the Kingsley Technique, since he has redefined not only the primary control, but two other conceptual pillars of the technique: inhibition and direction.
First, he takes aim at direction, neglecting to elucidate Alexander's own definition of the concept before setting out the axiom that "aiming for postural improvements using postural directions leads to a bodymind[sic] attitude of effort and trying, which simply reinforces the problem." Dismissing as superfluous all "ideas and images about heads, necks and backs," he declares that "the trying[sic] self is the obstacle, and the shift towards a non-trying[sic] self is the solution." Finally, he offers his own definition of the directions as "the natural flow of energy and vibrancy that exists within the organism," directions which are interfered with "when we are in a condition of stress and reactivity."
Here, again, Kingsley takes a practical concept which Alexander developed based on careful observation of his own muscular action, and replaces it with a kind of mystical or spiritual phenomenon which, implicitly, only the initiated can perceive.2 Thus the famous directions are not, as Alexander described repeatedly, a series of mental orders or intentions projected to oneself before and during muscular activity along lines one has reasoned out in advance, but a "natural flow of energy and vibrancy"—just as the primary control is not, as Alexander saw it, a concrete, observable relativity of the head, neck and back, but an "unknown and unseen self-righting and self-healing mechanism." These pseudo-spiritual definitions do a massive disservice to neophyte readers, and reveal Kingsley's muddled seeing in relation to the central problem addressed by the Alexander Technique: how to shed habit and coordinate the bodymind through reasoned conception and conscious awareness.
But for a moment let us leave aside direction, since a subtler and more misleading error still lurks in Kingsley's presentation: his dismissal of conception itself. He explicitly warns that "ideas, concepts and cognitive efforts reinforce the very mental instrument that is the problem in the first place," he advises us to simply trust that "the prevention or inhibition[sic] of reaction, maintains or liberates this stream of energy [or direction] in the body."
To understand Kingsley's error, we must return to Alexander. In Man's Supreme Inheritance, Alexander sets out four stages to the "performance of any muscular action by conscious guidance and control:"

1. The conception of the movement required;
2. The inhibition of erroneous preconceived ideas which subconsciously suggest the manner in which the movement or series of movements should be performed;
3. The new and conscious mental orders which will set in motion the muscular mechanism essential to the correct performance of the action;
4. The movements (contractions and expansions) of the muscles which carry out the mental orders.

Alexander considered "conception of the movement required" the very first stage in his technique, to precede even inhibition. Thus he made clear, if indirectly, that in the context of his technique, clear conception is essential to achieving a desired end. Incidentally, this is a fact any competent artist can attest to; if a composition is not unambiguously understood and organized within one's memory, it cannot be brought to fruition. Even the most simple act, such as extending one's arm to grasp a nearby object, requires a detailed conception of distance, weight, strength, and so forth; if the object turns out to be heavier than expected, the conception of these variables and their relation to one another, and hence the muscular action, must change. This is direction in action, albeit subconscious.
Yet Kingsley belittles conception, instead leaning on concepts like "ease," "letting go" "acceptance," and the like. He is not alone in this among teachers, but in my opinion, they overlook the influence of what Alexander termed "erroneous beliefs," a concept closely related to that of "unreliable sensory appreciation." Both could be read in the spiritual lexicon alongside "letting go," etc.; but that would place their referent outside the realm of what words and concepts can describe. On the contrary, Alexander was pointing to something concrete and empirically observable: to errors of spatio-motor perception able to be observed phenomenologically and in other people's behavior; not to transcendent truths about observation itself. Thus the classic example of an Alexandrian "erroneous belief" is a person who raises their arm and believes their shoulder has remained still when it has not. The key for the pupil in this instance is to gain an accurate conception5 of their own muscular action, in reference to bodily sensations; not to simply "let go" or "do nothing."3 And this conception must come about through active tutelage—e.g. Alexander Technique lessons—or, dare I say, the way Alexander himself did it: by reasoned experimentation, conceiving hypotheses based on careful register and analysis of his own sensations, and also by watching the behavior of others. John Dewey called the technique scientific for a reason.
All of this is not to understate the importance of concepts like "release" and "effortlessness," including in the context of the Alexander Technique. Seeing more or less what is meant by them is doubtless the key to mastery of all activities, all practices, all techniques. Yet those spiritual concepts should not blot out the very concrete technique Alexander developed for improving what he called "the use of the self:" that coordination of the muscular system, achieved through conscious reason, which influences for better or worse the functioning of the whole organism.4
Inhibition
So much for direction. What about inhibition? Under the heading "Inhibition and Non-Doing," Kingsley describes Alexander's understanding of inhibition as "an artificial pause between stimulus and reaction," after which he could "give directions to himself." Then he lays down the gauntlet, stating that in the "real world […] life does not offer us the choice to inhibit:" since according to neuroscience research, "neural reactions take milliseconds and are faster than conscious thought processes." In other words, "we either react to the stimulus, or not." So, with inhibition proven impossible, Kingsley is left with no choice but to "reformulate" another of Alexander's concepts, offering us a supposedly scientifically enlightened6 view that inhibition is really "a quality of non-doing[sic] that needs to be already available in the organism before the receipt of a stimulus." This is "a way of being[sic] rather than a way of doing[sic]."
This Kingsleyan inhibition turns out to be the essence of the technique, since it is this very "condition of non-doing[sic]" the teacher is supposed to transmit, through a touch Kingsley describes as "a dance of poetry and a symphony of silence." With it, the teacher imparts a "deep sense of acceptance" by which "change emerges in the pupil."7 He goes on to compare the Alexander Technique to "Zen Buddhism, mindfulness and the philosophy of non-duality," identifying the uniqueness of the Alexander Technique in "the transmission of immediate experience." In fact, there is no Alexander Technique as such, but only inhibition:
The Chinese Tao has a concept of Wu Wei[sic], which translates as surrendering to the effortless flow of life[sic], or non-doing[sic] action. Ultimately, the Alexander Technique needs to reinvent itself and relinquish the Technique. The Alexander Teacher really teaches nothing[sic!]. But this nothing or emptiness is in fact the deepest essence of being and the fullness of life. Like grace, it drops onto us and into us when the conditions are ripe.
The problem is that Alexander's own writings indicate that inhibition is not a "quality," a "condition," or a "surrendering to the effortless flow of life." On the contrary, according to Universal Constant in Living, it is "the act of refusing to respond to the primary desire to gain an end, [which] becomes the act of responding (volitionary act) to the conscious reasoned desire to employ the means whereby that end may be gained." As clear as day: inhibition is an action in response to the stimulus of conscious desire: a conscious, continuing refusal to do a thing the way one normally does it. Alexander saw that this inhibitory act had to precede in every instance any attempt to change his habits. Everyone is well familiar with the inhibitory act. The act of not indulging an immediate desire, however small, is it. So, inhibition is not an "artificial pause," but a phenomenologically observable process within the organism, a process that can be made habitual through practice. It is no more abstract and transcendent than blinking or moving one's finger.7
Here Kingsley again takes something ordinary and concrete and makes it mystical, going so far as to "relinquish the Technique." The trouble is that there is a good reason the Alexander Technique came to be known as such. A technique is a skillful way of doing something; a mental tool; a procedure. Ways of doing can be found everywhere: techniques for dance, for romance, for healing, even for attaining nirvana or enlightenment. Each has a goal in mind and is based on what worked in the past; each resorts to concepts to explain itself; each prescribes action, or doing something a certain way. Yet Kingsley dismisses the idea of doing anything at all. Equating the Alexander Technique with "nothing," he tosses out the concepts Alexander spent decades refining, when Alexander's genius was precisely to conceive a useful, coherent way of doing things through patient observation of the phenomena he termed inhibition, direction, primary control, and the rest.
So, the technique may encompass all the acts of living, but it is still a technique. Alexander often used the term "procedure" to describe it, and I think procedure is as apt a word as any to describe the application of his technique to the acts of living. He constantly stressed the technique's sequential, stepwise nature and recorded countless practical examples of it in action, both in hypotheticals and accounts of lessons. The technique is not a metaphysics or a philosophy like non-duality; it is a practical procedure with a clear purpose: restoring
advantageous, natural relativity of the head, neck and back.
Conclusion
The technique is blindingly simple but surprisingly subtle and difficult to master; and, as far as I am aware, it is unique. Unfortunately, Kingsley is not alone in overlooking the uniqueness and subtleties of the technique in favor of spiritual truisms and platitudes. I suspect there are two main reasons for this.
The first is the tendency of serious pupils of the technique to become more open to "spirituality," both philosophically (e.g. non-duality) and in terms of sadhana (e.g. meditation, yoga, self-inquiry). Many are enthusiastic about the similarities between the Alexander Technique and, for example, mindfulness practice. It is certainly true that the technique requires the pupil to have some degree of "mindfulness," or the ability to realize when the mind has wandered; and it is also true that a few people who devote themselves to the technique come upon some of the same insights one might find in spiritual practice. Yet spiritual insight is not the purpose of the technique. In my opinion, the Alexander Technique is a relative of energy practices such as Hatha yoga, qigong, and TRE (trauma release exercises). Such techniques are often used in tandem with spiritual practices meant for the cultivation of insight, but their purpose has traditionally been preparatory and salutary, not "spiritual." One need not stray too esoteric to encounter the idea that the real goal of spirituality has nothing to do with "ways of doing." On the other hand, Qigong explicitly aims to regulate qi in the body; kundalini yoga is concerned with the flow of prana; the Alexander Technique seeks to restore the good use of the primary control. More practically, the technique teaches mental discipline, and ultimately the ability of the nervous system to regulate itself. Such a practice may lay the groundwork for spiritual realization, but it is by no means indistinguishable from it.
While there is no point speculating about Alexander's private insights, one thing can be certain: he left us a definite procedure with a practical, concrete purpose—not a transcendental one. Yet Kingsley's introduction continually implies the Alexander Technique is an essentially spiritual practice with heavenly fruit. Disparaging the core concepts that constitute the Alexander Technique, he invites us instead to simply "surrender," "let go in faith," and blindly trust that its real essence—nothing less than Wu Wei—will be transmitted through the "rare, "unconditional" touch of the teacher.
The second, more obvious reason Alexander has been so misunderstood is that he rarely wrote concisely, and in any case, recognition and conception of the primary control can never be refined through words, but only through unfamiliar sensory experiences—either reasoned out, as Alexander did, or in the hands of a good teacher. Hence there is more than a kernel of truth to Kingsley's view of the "supreme value of guidance with the hands;" yet I differ from him in that I insist the Alexander Technique cannot be divorced from intellectual understanding and, indeed, conception.
The Use of the Self and Alexander's other works certainly were not without their flaws, but at their best they illuminate concepts which are nuanced, rich, and useful when applied. Primary control, direction and inhibition are three such concepts. Whatever their flaws, Alexander's books point the way to a wonderful technique, and they deserve thoughtful, probing introductions like Dewey's—not dismissals.
1 Like many other Alexandrian terms, the concrete meaning of "forward and up" seems incredibly controversial among Alexander Technique teachers. While I conceive it roughly as freedom of the atlanto-occipital joint, the term cannot be understood in isolation from the rest of the parts—namely, from one's conception of the primary control. It seems to experience it, one must discover it, as Alexander did, or be shown it by a teacher.
2 This is not to say there are not phenomena only some people perceive.
3An overemphasis on "letting go" and the like obscures the fact that Alexander always described the technique as consisting of stages or sequential steps, which in my opinion constitute the "means whereby" he wrote of.
4 "Use of the self" is another problematic term. Related to the concept of "good form" and "good technique" among athletes and musicians, it refers essentially to coordination of the musculature along reasoned lines, which is not separate from conception of the primary control. Equal and opposite is the term "misuse," since one's idea of misuse depends on one's idea of good use. Different teachers understand the term differently. Kingsley states that "bodily tensions and distortions become fixed and reinforced as we react to the general stimuli of living." True enough. Yet he goes on to imply it is associated only with fear, anxiety and distress. Again he couples this concept to the language of contemporary spirituality, trumpeting that it "alienates us from our own true nature." This is to completely ignore the point Alexander returned to again and again in his own writing: that the use of the self is inextricably linked with conception. No doubt, tension and imbalance are very often inextricable from fear. But there may be another class of misuse: one based on misconceptions about the body, unexamined movement patterns from childhood which have little or nothing to do with manifestations of stress or emotions in the body. I suspect one may experience profound psychophysical quietude yet still tend to throw their head back and down in relation to their neck and back, especially in movement.
5Kingsley writes that the teacher's touch indicates the "negation of trying and doing within the pupil." Even a token mention of guidance viz. the relativity of the body parts is nowhere to be found. Yet in my opinion this discussion of touch is misleading, since nothing like it can be found at all in Alexander's writings. On the contrary, Alexander stressed that the teacher's role was to demonstrate manually the proper relativity of the pupil's parts, with the means whereby of the technique; not to transmit "a way of being," nor indeed enlightenment or gnosis.
6 Neuroscientific findings relating to will and volition have proliferated in recent years. They may raise fundamental questions about the nature of self and will, but in my opinion they have little to do with the Alexander Technique, no more than they do with dancing or playing an instrument. If there are really recognizable activities Alexander termed "inhibition" and "direction," then his writings are timeless, since they speak from direct observation and experiment, not philosophy about "free will" and the like.
7 In spiritual literature one encounters, almost universally, the idea that there is no "doer" of action, or no "doer" but God. Hence Kingsley is implying that Alexandrian inhibition is somehow related to this concept, which Buddha famously summarized: "Events happen, deeds are done, but there is no doer thereof." In my opinion, the Alexander Technique has nothing more to do with this than does reading, writing, or playing a game. There may be "procedures followed, but no follower thereof."

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Hi everyone, I’m new here. Some background story Growing up, I was essentially deemed the “poor” one of all my friends. Everyone lived in big houses whereas I lived in a 2-bed apartment where I shared a room with my sister. Everytime I wanted something it was always a case of affordability. I had pocket money, a tiny amount but would debate between buying a cookie at college like my friends or having transport money to go home. Sometimes I’d have the cookie, in such cases i would beg my friends for some money so I could go home. Venturing into uni, I met a girl who was….extremely (putting it lightly)rich. I stepped into her world since we became close friends. Designer everything, private jets, luxury restaurants, she had it all and I was blessed to have a view. It made me dream. I studied hard, I chose my career based on what I could earn, I worked up the ladder and now I’m almost 30 and I have more money than many of my peers and for certain more than my parents when I was growing up. I should be happy right? however I feel like I’m drowning. Whatever THING I want, like, I obsess, I research throughout the night, I get it. In the past that meant even through afterpay, credit cards or my savings (so I have 0 Emergancy fund). I was hugely in debt and now I’ve managed to pay it all off and close them but I feel like I’m slipping although my plan is to save my Emergancy fund. I have the urge to buy again, to open credit…it’s like I’m at war within myself. I’m so tried, I’m going crazy, I feel exhausted mentally from all the shopping, browsing, wanting, buying, I’m sick of it and yet I can’t stop. It’s like a punishment. Where am I even wearing the clothes to? Where am I even going? I WFH always. I shop for this luxury lifestyle I don’t even A. Have time for and B. Have the funds for. Please help me, how can I stop? I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what void I need to fill and how to even do it. I just can’t stop

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Welcome to /Charity!

Got a charitable cause you'd like to share! This is the place!

Requirements

For 501c(3) non-profits (US) or a Non-Governmental Organization (aka NGO outside the US)

• For a registered 501c(3) or other certified charity (such as NGO's in other non-US countries), the charity must be listed in a governmental web site for verification.
• A fundraiser that is being handled directly by that charity, such as the American Heart Association's Heartwalk or JDRF's charity walk, where you supply a link on their site for your team/yourself.
• A crowdfunding site that shows it is directly benefiting a certified charity.

Please modmail us so that we can flair your post as a registered certified non-profit!

For Everyone Else

You must have both

• Account age of 30 days or older AND
• Comment karma of 250 or greater.

NOTE: We are specifically looking for COMMENT karma. The karma value you are probably looking at is a COMBINED value, consisting of both Link/Post karma plus Comment karma.

To view your karma breakdown:

• Mouse-hover over your username on desktop. This works for both the old and redesigned web site.
• On the official Reddit app for iOS, view your profile, then tap the karma value shown.
• On the official Reddit app for Android, you can't. Complain on /redditmobile.
• On the unofficial Reddit App for Android, RIF (Formerly known as Reddit is Fun), your breakdown is listed on your profile screen.

The following circumventions will result in a ban:

• Using a karma farming subreddit, such as Karma4You, or asking focomplaining about karma in a general sub.
• Unsolicited private messaging to push your campaign.
• Posting your campaign on someone else's post.

Comment Karma is directly correlated to how many comments you leave plus/minus any points as people upvote a popular comment or downvote an unpopular comment.

Credibility, Community, and You

AKA, Why Do We Have Account Requirements for Individuals?
In an effort to make your crowdfunding efforts more successful here on Reddit, some background first:
In many of the gifting and fundraising subs, you'll notice that without a certain amount "karma" and an account that's old enough, you'll garner down votes or worse, your posts and comments get automatically removed.
Why?
To many Redditors, this place is a community built on activity. The "coin" of the land here is your account, and how much you've contributed to the Reddit community at large reflected in post and comment karma.
As a general rule, Redditors dislike the creation of accounts specifically to fund raise or to make requests. It makes it seem like these people simply treat Reddit as some sort of magical internet wallet, and that doesn't win many friends.
The other reason why new accounts are so disliked is that they're often alternate accounts of established users, in order to hide their activity from people they know. While we do sympathize with those of you who have valid reasons, this privilege is often abused by those who create disposable accounts to scam people for a quick buck.
This trust issue doesn't exist in the same way with certified non-profit groups, as you can look them up online for verification, and at least in the case of 501c(3)s, their spending is transparent due to their required tax filings which are public information.
So if you're new to Reddit, welcome! Spend some time and look around for something that catches your interest and chat it up with others and become part of the community!
However if you're here for the sole reason of making requests in a hurry, please be aware your pleas for help will likely be ignored.
REMEMBER, CREDIBILITY AND COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING!
For this reason, the mods will not post anything on behalf of any user that does not meet account requirements.

Rules

1. Posts must be more than just a link to your campaign. Be descriptive! Show evidence . This includes:
   1. If this is for your pet, photos of your pet in question, with your username on a handwritten note in the picture.
   2. School documentation showing enrollment if you are asking for assistance for school.
   3. Redacted bills showing your situation.
   4. Or other relevant documentation that can help establish credibility.
   5. At minimum, please attach an unobstructed selfie photo of yourself(the submitter) with a handwritten note of your username.
   6. Low effort posts that simply say to the effect of, "everything is listed in the GoFundMe" will be removed.
2. Please Flair your posts, once created. If you don't know how, just let the mods know and we'll do it for you.
3. Only 1 campaign per user. We want you have some personal connection to the campaign, and not submit multiples simply because they were in the news.
4. Reposts are allowed once a week. If a repost comes up too early, the newest one(s) will be removed.
5. Acceptable transfer methods for individuals are for crowdfunding sites only, such as GoFundme, YouCaring, etc. Individuals should avoid using Paypal, crypto, or direct banking aps (like Chase). 501c(3) and NGOs may use whatever method they wish.
6. Don't PM people to make requests. If you receive an unsolicited private message, please let us know!
7. Do not post politically-related campaigns. They're just too divisive.
8. Trolling will not be tolerated and offending users will be banned.
9. Don't bug the mods for an exception to the account requirements. None will be given. If you attempt to circumvent the requirement by karma farming or by commenting on someone else's post, your account will be banned.
10. No posting for other Redditors. No Alts. This is viewed as a circumvention of requirements and both accounts will be banned.
11. Selling is only allowed by 1st parties directly. We do not allow selling by 3rd parties to benefit another organization, as there's no transparency to verify that the announced percentage of sales actually goes to the beneficiary. Only direct sales by the non-profit organization are allowed.

Supporting Information Requested for Non-501c(3) and Non-NGO campaigns.

We aren't the government. We aren't a court of law. We definitely don't want you to give out information that could lead to identity theft. However, some campaigns are more successful when they have additional documentation.
This includes:

• Pet related requests: Photos of your pet in question, with your username on a handwritten note in the picture. This helps show you actually own the pet in question.
• Education related requests: Documentation showing enrollment or acceptance if you are asking for assistance for school.
• Redacted bills showing your situation. In some cases, a donor may prefer to pay a creditor directly on your behalf, so be prepared and find out if that is available to you.
• If you are sharing a campaign for a registered certified non-profit organization (such as a 501c3 or NGO), you should say so in the post, and it should list that status on the campaign page/web site.
• Or other relevant documentation that can help establish credibility.

Low effort posts that simply say to the effect of, "everything is listed in the GoFundMe" (or less!) will be removed.

How to Include a Photo or Other Supporting Info Document In Your Post

Because Reddit wasn't initially designed to handle photos when it was created, it has limitations in the implementation of photo support which don't work well for us. So instead we suggest the following:

1. Upload your photo to Imgur.com or other photo hosting site.
2. Copy the URL for the photo.
3. Create a new post or Edit your existing one to include the URL to the photo.

Please make sure to include this, as it is the primary reason why posts that are otherwise fine get removed.

Advice On Making Your Campaign Go Further

Not all crowdfunding campaigns are the same, but here are some suggestions.

• Make sure your campaign has been shared among your Facebook friends! You might think it's embarrassing, however your friends and family are more likely to care than internet strangers.
• Show that you've exhausted all the other possibilities. A lot of potential donors don't like to give money when it seems like the requester's first and only solution is to simply throw someone else's money at the problem. Nobody is going to take your word when you literally only say, "but I've done everything!", when the actual reality is probably closer to "I've done everything I can think of", which arguably is NOT everything.
• Show that there's a plan to use the money wisely. Often people have campaigns for their business ideas, but it doesn't really seem like they thought it all the way through. Tell people what steps you've taken so far, and what you're going to do next.
• Be open to critics. If there's something that people ask about, you should not be dismissive. Provide more detail. There's a possibility that they know something you don't, or they have something different about their own experience that might be useful to you. If you simply brush off your critics, it shows objectively that you're not doing everything possible.
• Review your own campaign with the mindset of a potential donor. Ask yourself, "Would I give money to this?" Or get a friend to review it for you.

Questions?

Please don't hesitate to ask the mods!
... Unless you're trying to ask for an exception to the account requirements.

Welcome to /gofundme!

____
In an effort to make your crowdfunding efforts more successful here on Reddit, some background first:
​
Credibility, Community, and You
AKA, Why Do We Have Account Requirements?
In many of the gifting and fundraising subs, you'll notice that without a certain amount "karma" and an account that's old enough, you'll garner down votes or worse, your posts and comments get automatically removed.
Why?
To many Redditors, this place is a community built on activity. The "coin" of the land here is your account, and how much you've contributed to the Reddit community at large reflected in post and comment karma.
As a general rule, Redditors dislike the creation of accounts specifically to fund raise or to make requests. It makes it seem like these people simply treat Reddit as some sort of magical internet wallet, and that doesn't win many friends.
The other reason why new accounts are so disliked is that they're often alternate accounts of established users, in order to hide their activity from people they know. While we do sympathize with those of you who have valid reasons, this privilege is often abused by those who create disposable accounts to scam people for a quick buck.
So if you're new to Reddit, welcome! Spend some time and look around for something that catches your interest and chat it up with others and become part of the community!
However if you're here for the sole reason of making requests in a hurry, please be aware your pleas for help will likely be ignored.
​
**REMEMBER, CREDIBILITY AND COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING!**
​
For this reason, the mods will not post anything on behalf of any user that does not meet account requirements.
_____
Account Requirements
All accounts must meet BOTH of the following:

1. Account age of 90 days or older.
2. *Comment* karma of 250 or greater.

NOTE: We are specifically looking for *COMMENT* karma. The karma value you are probably looking at is a COMBINED value, consisting of both Link/Post karma plus Comment karma.
​
To view your karma breakdown:

• Mouse-hover over your username on desktop. This works for both the old and redesigned web site.
• On the official Reddit app for iOS, view your profile, then tap the karma value shown.
• On the official Reddit app for Android, view your profile, then tap the karma value shown.
• On the unofficial Reddit App for Android, RIF (Formerly known as Reddit is Fun), your breakdown is listed on your profile screen.

​
The following circumventions will result in a ban, and get you added to the UniversalScammerList:

• Using a karma farming subreddit, such as Karma4You. Also posts and comments asking for karma or complaining that you don't have enough karma counts as karma farming.
• Unsolicited private messaging to push your campaign.
• Posting your campaign on someone else's post. (EVEN ON THIS ONE!)

Comment Karma is directly correlated to how many comments you leave plus/minus any points as people upvote a popular comment or downvote an unpopular comment.
_____
Rules
​

1. Posts must be more than just a link to your campaign. Be descriptive! Be prepared to show evidence if needed. If the mods find it lacking, it may be removed.
2. Please Flair your posts, once created. If you don't know how, just let the mods know and we'll do it for you.
3. Only 1 GoFundMe per user. We want you have some personal connection to the campaign, and not submit multiple GFMs simply because they were in the news.
4. Reposts are allowed once a week. If a repost comes up too early, the newest one(s) will be removed.
5. Crowdfunding sites only. No crypto currency, direct PayPal, cash transfers, trading or loans. Our scope is only GoFundMe and other crowd sourced funding sites.
6. Don't PM people to make requests. If you receive an unsolicited private message, please let us know!
7. Do not post politically-related campaigns. They're just too divisive. Also, they're too often used to scam people (remember the campaign to fund Trump's wall?).
8. Trolling will not be tolerated and offending users will be banned.
9. Don't bug the mods for an exception to the account requirements. None will be given. If you attempt to circumvent the requirement by karma farming or by commenting on someone else's post, your account will be banned.
10. No posting for other Redditors. No Alts. This is viewed as a circumvention of the requirements and the accounts in question will be banned. (New Oct 22, 2020)
11. No referral links. A referral link like that isn't likely to solve anyone's financial problems in the time frame they need. (New March 16, 2024)

Any referral links posted here will be flagged as spam, and may trigger your account to be added to Reddit's site-wide spammer list.
_____
Supporting Information Requested
We aren't the government. We aren't a court of law. We definitely don't want you to give out information that could lead to identity theft. However, some campaigns are more successful when they have additional documentation.
This includes:
- Pet related requests: Photos of your pet in question, with your username on a handwritten note in the picture. This helps show you actually own the pet in question.
- Education related requests: Documentation showing enrollment or acceptance if you are asking for assistance for school.
- Redacted bills showing your situation. In some cases, a donor may prefer to pay a creditor directly on your behalf, so be prepared and find out if that is available to you.
- If you are sharing a campaign for a registered certified non-profit organization (such as a 501c3 or NGO), you should say so in the post, and it should list that status on the campaign page/web site.
- Or other relevant documentation that can help establish credibility.
- At minimum, an unobstructed selfie photo of yourself(the submitter) holding a handwritten note of your username is required if none of the above apply.
Low effort posts that simply say to the effect of, "everything is listed in the GoFundMe" (or less!) will be removed.
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Advice On Making Your Campaign Go Further
Not all crowdfunding campaigns are the same, but here are some suggestions.

• Make sure your campaign has been shared among your Facebook friends! You might think it's embarrassing, however your friends and family are more likely to care than internet strangers.
• Show that you've exhausted all the other possibilities. A lot of potential donors don't like to give money when it seems like the requester's first and only solution is to simply throw someone else's money at the problem. Nobody is going to take your word when you literally only say, "but I've done everything!", when the actual reality is probably closer to "I've done everything I can think of", which arguably is NOT everything.
• Show that there's a plan to use the money wisely. Often people have campaigns for their business ideas, but it doesn't really seem like they thought it all the way through. Tell people what steps you've taken so far, and what you're going to do next.
• Be open to critics. If there's something that people ask about, you should not be dismissive. Provide more detail. There's a possibility that they know something you don't, or they have something different about their own experience that might be useful to you. If you simply brush off your critics, it shows objectively that you're not doing everything possible.
• Review your own campaign with the mindset of a potential donor. Ask yourself, "Would I give money to this?" Or get a friend to review it for you.

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Questions?
Please don't hesitate to ask the mods!
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... Unless you're trying to ask for an exception to the account requirements.