Facebook album names for pictures of me
13 or 30
2017.07.22 19:02 zbf 13 or 30
When you can't tell the age of the person.
2010.06.30 20:03 cryptogirl Mostly cringe-y images of Nice Guys™
Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. This is a lighthearted subreddit for funny, cringey images, NOT a subreddit for showcasing general acts of misogyny or for debating gender roles. Please be sure to understand the concept of Virtue Claim as explained in the rules as it is a core requirement of posts in the sub.
2016.09.12 04:43 Entitled People
https://www.reddit.com/ModCoord/comments/1476fkn/reddit_blackout_2023_save_3rd_party_apps/ Stories from your lives about people who think the rules don't apply to them and they should get what they want. Sister subreddit of /entitledparents
2024.05.19 10:05 ggwplucky [Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview
![[Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/Wh_F6hlvj3-qiM2-gJFE7A7mKUd6-BFPlteTdOzhJWY.jpg "[Abandoned Pools] Sony Connect Track by Track Interview") | A while back I was messing around with the Wayback Machine & came across this diamond in the rough on AP's MySpace page. Also found some photos, but most importantly, a track-by-track [Armed To The Teeth] interview from Sony Connect that they did back in '05 (presumably around the same time they did the Sony Connect set with the acoustic songs). submitted by ggwplucky to AbandonedPools [link] [comments] In the interview, Tommy tells the story behind each track on Armed To The Teeth (except Lucky). You'll also find tidbits about the process, lyrically & sonically of these songs, and much more! If you want to read it/see it from the "raw" source and discover more, here's a link with the Wayback's capture I found on the interview blog: https://web.archive.org/web/20071005015435/http://www.myspace.com/abandonedpools Now without further ado, the Sonic Connect Interview: A track by track discussion of Armed to the Teeth from the Sony Connect Store interview: LETHAL KILLERS TW: As far as how that [demo of the] song was constructed ... I did this trick where I would take a half-time drum loop and sort of nudge it one way and then put in another track and nudge it the other, and we got this sort of double time, rolling drum feel. So that - plus the sort of round-robin type of guitar parts that we have going - was sort of a very easy construction for a song. And then you start moving the bass part around, and, boom, you've got a song. But I think that lyrically - I want to make it clear that that song isn't necessarily [about] "church is bad, government's bad." I think it's a little bit more complicated than that, though sometimes if you mix the two of religious power and government power, that can be bad for both of them. And I kinda like the idea of not living a life saying, "Well, you better live life in a certain way because then, you know, everything's gonna be great later in heaven." You know, the idea of, like, if this is all we have now, if that idea was just a little bit more embraced, our world could be a little bit better. I just find that a little bit more satisfying, too, if you think like, this is all you have and then you're gonna die. [Laughs] It seems a little bit more like, "Oh, okay, well!" instead of, like, thinking that there's some other life at some other time and you can put things off. RABBLE TW: Well, a lot of the songs on this record - about two-thirds of it - have to do with a relationship I had that went south, and you know when you go through relationships you always have such a good 20/20 hindsight about things. And I think "Rabble" is just trying to basically say to somebody, "I just wanted to know you better" . . . It's just one of those things where, with this relationship in particular, I wish it would have turned out better. And there's a lot of things that happened that shouldn't have happened, and it's just sort of one of those "oh, what could have been?" scenarios. THE CATALYST TW: "The Catalyst" is definitely along the same lines. I think the main line in that one is "I wish I could say something beautiful to make you fall in love again." There's a Coachella reference in there, too: "Love has slowly faded away like spotlights shining into space." Have you ever been to Coachella? Of course you have. You know, there's all those spotlights that shoot up in the air. I just thought that was kinda cool, like, how far do those lights really go? "The Catalyst" was also the last song written for the record. It was demoed while we were in the studio. And it's one of those songs that I said two-thirds of the record was written for somebody. That's one of them. TIGHTER NOOSE TW: "Tighter Noose" is the oldest song on the record by far. It was probably written back in '99, 2000, or somewhere in there. I was thinking about it for the first record [2001's Humanistic], but it didn't really fit in with those kind of songs, so I kept it around and we'd even play it live occasionally. I think it fits in with these songs way better. [As for what "Tighter Noose" is about,] that song is one of those breaking-off-on-your-own- what-have-you-got-to-lose kind of things, because that was written sort of in the wake of when I was in The Eels. It wasn't a terribly happy situation, so I was like, well screw it, I'm just gonna go off and do my own thing. And then it's sort of like, well, you know: "I'm gonna go start my own thing. Uh, I have to learn to sing and write songs now." [Laughs] It's kinda funny: "Screw you guys! I'm gonna go get a deal!" And then like, "Uh oh." But really, I'm a firm believer in that [idea that] you just gotta go for it. And so it was like, well, this is gonna be difficult, but it's gonna be better than what I had before. And actually, with some distance on that situation, I realized I made the right decision and made a lot more money and was a lot more happy as a result. So that was sort of a leap of faith, you know. I didn't want to be someone's stupid bass player. Now I'm my own stupid bass player. WAITING TO PANIC TW: There was a lull between record companies. The first record [Humanistic] was on Extasy - I don't know if you know about that company, but we were basically the poster-child for the implosion of an indie label. I came off the road in 2002, the label's folding, and I'm like, well, I'm just gonna go back and give this my best shot and we'll get another deal. It seemed highly unlikely, but we ended up doing it. And there was just a lull in there where nobody was interested. I had attorneys not returning my phone calls - that kinda stuff. It felt like, I'm just waiting around and I'm really anxious. So that was a song of frustration that was written and demoed all in one day - it was a song that just came out of me in like eight hours. We also put an EP out [The Reverb EP] and on the EP is the version of that demo that I did in one day. It doesn't happen [like that] very often. Usually I build bed tracks and come back to it a few weeks later and add something, and then come back a couple of days later. This one was all in one shot. HUNTING TW: My friend Ross Golan, who has his own band Ross Golan and Molehead, had been following the wake of the relationship. He's like, "You just gotta write her a song and use her name." And I'm like, nah, nah, it's not covered enough. And he's like, "No, just do it. Go for it." So I did. I wrote this song and I wrote it for her for her birthday and I used her name, which is in the first lyric of the song, which is "Ginny." So I just went for it and wrote it. It was basically a birthday gift, and it was basically saying, like, you know, "Oops!" [Laughs] It didn't get me very far, but I like the song. We're friends, she's a good girl, absolutely, but back at that time, it was kinda like, "Erraaghhh! Here's a song!" But I like the song and I just think it was one of those times where I was really putting myself out there, and I know she liked it, too. But then, I think that's a myth where you just write a song and all of a sudden the girl just says, "Oh! Okay!" But, you know, hey. There it is. It's on the record. That's the romantic notion of how they'll react to the song, at least. TW: Exactly. And I'm really glad we're past that whole ironic phase, which I was part of with The Eels, where everything was super ironic and we'd play "The Macarena" on stage - [sarcastically] and that was funny! I'm glad we're through all that stuff, even though I was still a Beck fan when he was doing all that stuff, too. But I like being sincere and sappy and romantic. I kinda think that's a great thing. ARMED TO THE TEETH TW: This is one of the first songs written when we came off the road and I had a lot of momentum. If you look at the state of the industry you can see a lot of corporations that seem to have to buy everything in sight. They just have to own everything, and to what purpose? Does it really make the industry much better? No. There's fewer outlets, there's a lot more gatekeepers. They want to buy stuff and it just kinda makes things bad for everybody. All the radio stations play the same shit - except for Indie 103.1 and KCRW in L.A. In spite of it all, I'm just gonna try to do my best and have a career anyway. When we came off the road I felt like I had a lot of momentum. Performing live is inspiring to writing, so it was just the whole idea of, "Alright, now that I have one record under my belt, I'm gonna really go for it in spite of all the forces that be." Even though they're pretty much indifferent to us, [laughs] their actions do affect us. It's sort of a song of bravado. Why did you also choose "Armed To The Teeth" as the name of the album, too, which, in turn, implies it as the overall theme? TW: Yeah, which is funny, since I kinda decided on that theme early on, thinking I was gonna go in a certain way, but then, like I said, two-thirds of the record is love songs. So "Armed To The Teeth" doesn't really fit in a certain way, but I also liked it just because [of] that idea of, like, now I'm really ready to make a record, and also I think it reflects the state of the country a little bit. Everything's a little bit aggressive, we're at war, and I thought it was sort of timely in that way SOONER OR LATER TW: "Sooner Or Later" is another one of those tracks that was written after we got signed, so it's a newer song. I mentioned that sort of double time drum loop thing with "Lethal Killers" - this is the same thing. It's a half time drum loop that I nudged in one direction and then put in another track and nudge it in the other, then "boom," it's double time. And I like that, it's a good effect. It really sets up this kind of overlapping, rolling sound that a real drummer can't do. And things flam a little bit, and I really like that feel, so this song was constructed in the same manner where you have a rolling drum loop and then you put over a couple of guitar parts here and there and all of a sudden you got a song - I think this song is over six minutes. This is, um, I guess it's a couple things. Lyrically, it's sort of saying, like, whatever you do or whatever you say, there's no point in hiding anything because it all comes out in the end - which is the tagline in the chorus. There's no hiding. And in the verse it says, "Sooner or later / It's all coming down." In some way or another, whether you acknowledge it or if it just eats at your self, you can't really get away with anything. It's sort of fatalistic that way, but also in terms of, like, seeing how I also look at as a bigger picture of, like, politically, and since we're at war right now, it seems like things are getting a little scary. And that's kind of like one of those doomsday scenarios. If you look around a little you can really freak yourself out if you're reading about, like, bio-warfare and things like that. So a lot of this talk about "smoking gun in the shape of a mushroom cloud" and all that, it sort of brought up for me a lot of doomsday scenarios. So it's two-fold: it's that doomsday scenario, in terms of as far as the world is concerned, and then, personally, if you do stupid shit then you're eventually gonna pay for it somehow. SAILING SEAS TW: Like "Hunting," this is probably the most direct, out-there storytelling song. Instead of using her [real] name, it's switched to "Holly," which is in the chorus. So it's another one of those songs talking straight to somebody. And there's a lot of details in there that I wouldn't talk about in normal conversation. That's the funny thing about songwriting where I wouldn't talk about this, but then I can put it in this song and you can still hear it and you still understand, but it's sort of masked a little bit. It's presented in a certain way where it's somehow okay to say that when you're in a major key or something. Because like, the second verse is about pretending you're outside a room listening to somebody [you love] have sex [with someone else], and that's a situation to put yourself into to really torture yourself. I created this scenario in my head and I put it in a song, and it's kinda brutal, but the [beat of the] song is upbeat and happy. RENEGADE TW: This is a sample-based type song [with] drum loops. The cello was originally a Bjork sample and we replaced it. This one is sort of hard to explain. To me it’s just sort of like just a creation, because some of the record is social commentary, and I think there's a lot of that in this song, and it's like little snippets and ideas, and not necessarily one unifying idea. I think it's just kind of a song based on looking around and taking stock of things. This song in particular isn't really even about anything. It's just, like, observations, pretty much. And, oh, by the way, Billy Howerdel, the guitarist from A Perfect Circle, is playing guitar on that song. He jumped on that track and he's the one that makes it sound scary. MAYBE THEN SOMEDAY TW: That was one of the first songs written in the wake of the breakup. It was one of those kind of "well-it-just-didn't-work-out-but-maybe-one-day-we'll-see-what-happens" kind of things. Because the circumstances are such that it wasn't gonna happen immediately so I was kinda like, well, we'll see. I don't have much to say about that; it's just grouped in with "songs about her." GOODBYE SONG TW: That was also written when there was not a lot going on for me and we hadn't really nailed down the record deal. She [Tommy's ex-girlfriend] always thought she was bad luck - she'd show up and bad things would start happening - so she thought it was her fault that I hadn't got a deal. She actually moved away and soon as she did, we got a deal. [Laughs] I think it's funny to sort of say, like the first line of the song is "I'm not washed up / And you're not bad luck for anyone," so, you know, get off the ledge, really. And it's just one of those things; it's one of those yearning songs. I think with a lot of those songs there's a certain amount of effort spent on presenting evidence, like, "Look, I know this is how you feel, but look at all the other stuff." It's almost like making a case for your self [in a song]. And like I said, it didn't get me far, but it's still a good venting process. And I sort of realize when I say things like, "I wrote this for her" or whatever, it's not really for her. It's more self-indulgent to get this stuff out. And in a way you're saying, "Yeah, I wrote this song for you," but no, you wrote it for yourself so you could say things that you felt like saying. So I realize that and I think I realized that while I was writing them, but my job is to write songs so you take from what's around you to make it happen. |
2024.05.19 10:00 AutoModerator CHAT Community Thread - Sun May 19
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submitted by AutoModerator to infertility [link] [comments]
Coping with infertility is complex, and it is our imperative to create places where we can honor the distinctly unique needs created by infertility. Sit beside us and share what’s on your mind and going on in your life. This is a great place to get to know your fellow members outside the gravity of treatment. Discussion here includes, but is not limited to:
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2024.05.19 09:59 createdjustforthis23 19/05/2024
I slept fine, I didn’t fall asleep so nicely. I don’t know why, I felt perfectly adequate all evening and then bam I cry myself to sleep. I don’t know how or why, and I didn’t even cry over anything in particular it was just any and everything. And I just kept crying and crying, like a baby. I had to switch pillows twice because I drenched it, but I got to sleep on my favourite pillow by the time I was almost asleep thankfully. I can be so picky with pillows, another thing mum tends to call me, even to this day - the princess and the pea. Or rather she likens me to her… I can’t entirely say I disagree tbh. I just like things a particular way, not all things, I can be relaxed about plenty, but there are some things I just to be just so. My pillows when I sleep for example, how the dishwasher top rack is stacked etc. Entirely inconsequential things really. But anyway. I didn’t fall asleep so nicely. I woke up feeling better, still a bit sad but nothing I couldn’t ignore.
It’s now 12:58pm and I’ve done next to nothing. I’ve been watching BT, I’m not writing the name of the show because I feel like that might be search heavy at the moment? So I’ve been watching that, I’m midway through the third episode now and there are four out so far. I’ve also painted some of my lil clay things with primer. And that’s about it. I really need to clean and tidy my room but the idea of it… ugh. I don’t want to :(
I’m loving BT so much. I like the stories and characters and stuff, but I mostly love the sets and costumes. They’re just so luxuriously opulent and uggghhhhhhh I want to just stare it all. Sometimes I wish they would clear out the cast and just give us a tour of the rooms and show all the details of the gowns. But like I learned in therapy, beauty is something I value highly, not in a vain way but in the way I utterly adore beautiful things whether it be a stunningly ornate wallpaper, a sparkly bead encrusted gown or even a leaf that is the perfect shade of green. I just love it all and it brings me so much joy, more than I realised now that I’m conscious of this value of mine. But the BT house itself, particularly the drawing room ommmmgggg. The blue? I think it’s called wedgewood blue from memory, with the creamy/white detailing. And all the light streaming through. It’s so dreamy. And it makes me love my blue and white bedroom more. And the gowns!!!!!!! I wish I could roll around in them, they’re so sparkly and detailed and beyond beautiful. Particularly the ones crusted in beading and with the luxurious silks and satins and velvets and taffetas and organza and all of it. And the colours! It’s all so dreamy. I don’t overly love the style of a lot of the gowns, that sort of empire line, mainly because it only looks good on women with fewer curves and a flatter chest, they can look gorrrrrrrgeous in them. But otherwise if you have any kind of cleavage it looks so weird and bleh. I love Penelope so much, she’s always been a favourite character and she honestly deserves the very best. And Colin definitely got a glow up prior to this season. His brown coat is so delicious. I’m beginning to wonder if I should read the series…? I do love a lil historical romance. Anyway I don’t even Penelope and Colin to end up together, I mean Lord Debling is so lovely and Colin is off sleeping with hookers… like? Then again I know I am wrong in how I think and feel about all of this. I know I have expectations ghat are unfair, I mean maybe not for everyone but if I’m nothing special and therefore not enough then can I criticise. This doesn’t make sense. Anyway. Actually nevermind I just watched the fourth episode and I am very much Team Colin. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!!!!! But now I have to wait for part two in mid June :(
I’m going to the office tomorrow. I don’t want to. But oh well. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get back in twice a week - I’ve been slack with it and it doesn’t help me become better. Leaving the house more is important, so this shall be one of the ways. I’m also going to get some new sneakers and a walking jacket so I can go for walks more regularly. I’d like to go several times a week, but I’ll work up to that. I love my walks, I love them a lot but I just get filled with every negative emotion when I go for them around my house, to the point I’ll start having tears running down my cheeks or shaky trembly hands - it’s pathetic. I think environment is everything, and purpose. When I walk pups at my parents I don’t feel these things, I’ll be a little anxy but nothing I can’t manage. But here? It’s so hard. It’s so stupid I know. But I love walking, I feel better when I do it regularly, so I shall keep forcing myself to do it until I feel okay about it. I know this is what I have to do, but the way it makes me feel inside… it never feels worth it. To be 20 minutes walk from home and feel on the verge of a panic attack is NOT a good feeling and it only makes my panic worsen. So baby steps. I’ve been considering on and off moving to a different area, I think I would feel more comfortable in other areas, I don’t know why I don’t here but I don’t. But moving elsewhere is no different to running from problems so I will sort it out here.
I broke his little bowl. I didn’t mean to :( I feel kind of upset about it, it’s been two weeks in the making with time to shape, dry, prime and I was doing a final layer of primer pre paint and my stupid finger went through the base. So I guess it would never have been a good present anyway because it broke so easily. But I bought a really pretty coloured paint because I thought he might like it and I just feel upset. I showed him it, idk why, I just messaged him a picture of it now and I already wish I hadn’t. I shouldn’t have even made anything for him in the first place, he’s made it abundantly clear he doesn’t care for homemade things - cards, presents, whatever. If he did like them he would comment on them, and he never does, so maybe it’s a good thing this broke. I just like sharing things with him, like when I draw and I like a tree I’ve drawn I want to show him, except I don’t because I’m utterly rubbish at drawing and it makes me look like a five year old. I at least appreciate his honesty, or transparency rather. It means I can understand what he does and doesn’t like. I just think his likes don’t mesh with my like of making homemade cards and presents. It’s not like I only give him that though. Anyway it doesn’t matter, plus it’s probably better for me to not share things like this given I don’t have any skill or natural talent with it. Just because you enjoy something doesn’t make you good at it.
I don’t feel so great this afternoon, mood wise.
I’ve done the absolute bare minimum with my room, and the bar was set very, very low today. I tidied the floor up a bit, I made my bed, did a lazy tidy of my vanity desk thing.. that’s about it. I’ll do more across the week.
I feel.. detached today. This afternoon, rather. I know I love my family, Andy, puppy… etc. I just can’t feel it. I know it’s all in there, but I feel detached and I can’t reach it. This isn’t unusual, I just always try to describe the feeling and always fail. I think knowing I care but not being able to feel myself care sums it up as well as I’ll ever be able to.
I found a little notebook of my early days of therapy, well with this current one, maybe not that early actually but idk. It was just me writing down who I am. The first is “I am a human” because I had to start with the basics. The last line is “I try my best to be friendly” - I think I will continue with this. No one really comments much on me so I will just write it as things feel write. From memory it was also a way to force myself to speak more kindly to myself, ie I am a woman vs I am a monster. And things like I’m generous, I love animals, I am quiet, I try to be patient, I love romance, I appreciate attention to detail, I like to care for others, I am a homebody, I love reading etc. And then scattered amongst it was some honesty, like I can be a control freak, I am quite particular about some things, I am indecisive, I am sensitive etc. And then next to I am a friend I have a question mark. But I want to continue writing these things, I think it’s helpful when I feel lost in myself to be able to read through a list of things I’ve written and be reminded. That sounds so silly to not know who you are sometimes, but sometimes I just feel so unbelievably lost and unmoored from everything, even myself. So I’ll write all the good things, and the bad. I’ll write things that I like, things that I don’t. I’ll write things I want in my life, things I feel like I should want but don’t, things I shouldn’t want but do etc etc etc. It’ll be a little tiny notebook of everything me. I wonder if sometimes it’s possible for me to get any lamer? Unlikely.
I’ve been thinking about stopping journaling here more and more. I get more out of posting it here, it feels like a release, like I’m letting all the thoughts go which is especially helpful with my negative ones, I don’t know.
It’s 5:23pm. I need to wash and blowdry my hair, as it’s still damp in the morning lately. I need to have something for dinner, I guess. I’ve been struggling with eating lately, I feel so ugly and it makes me not want to eat and then that sets off a bad string of things. I’ll have something little, vegemite toast maybe. I need to pack my bag for tomorrow. And that’s it.
I feel better after a shower and chat with Andy, I still feel not good but he perked me up on the outside. He makes me laugh so much :) It’s kind of weird to think I’ll be living long term in Australia, like I’ve always intended on living there - until my mental health and covid messed things up a little for me timeline wise. But to think I’ll maybe say Australian things…? That I’ll say thongs? And I definitely will because I cave quickly, like I was only in the UK two years and I said crisps and trainers and I still do to this day, which I’m actively trying to stop. I wonder what my accent would sound like after like ten years… I really doubt I’d ever lose my accent. It’s funny how I do probably sound a bit different when talking to him versus my mum. I just talk more softly with him, I naturally do anyway to the point I have people comment semi regularly on how soft spoken I am, but idk, I don’t even mean to speak to him a certain way, I just do? And then he hears me talking to mum and I probably sound like I’m wearing Jandals and stubbies while loading up the ute as I prepare for a tramp in the bush. Christ. I do love being from here though, in theory I would rather we live here than Australia, and never say never… but it makes more sense to be there. I don’t really have anyone here other than my parents whereas he has family and friends and his payments and all of it. I don’t really have any ties here. Anyway.
I get to spend time with him tonight :) Night night
submitted by createdjustforthis23 to u/createdjustforthis23 [link] [comments]
It’s now 12:58pm and I’ve done next to nothing. I’ve been watching BT, I’m not writing the name of the show because I feel like that might be search heavy at the moment? So I’ve been watching that, I’m midway through the third episode now and there are four out so far. I’ve also painted some of my lil clay things with primer. And that’s about it. I really need to clean and tidy my room but the idea of it… ugh. I don’t want to :(
I’m loving BT so much. I like the stories and characters and stuff, but I mostly love the sets and costumes. They’re just so luxuriously opulent and uggghhhhhhh I want to just stare it all. Sometimes I wish they would clear out the cast and just give us a tour of the rooms and show all the details of the gowns. But like I learned in therapy, beauty is something I value highly, not in a vain way but in the way I utterly adore beautiful things whether it be a stunningly ornate wallpaper, a sparkly bead encrusted gown or even a leaf that is the perfect shade of green. I just love it all and it brings me so much joy, more than I realised now that I’m conscious of this value of mine. But the BT house itself, particularly the drawing room ommmmgggg. The blue? I think it’s called wedgewood blue from memory, with the creamy/white detailing. And all the light streaming through. It’s so dreamy. And it makes me love my blue and white bedroom more. And the gowns!!!!!!! I wish I could roll around in them, they’re so sparkly and detailed and beyond beautiful. Particularly the ones crusted in beading and with the luxurious silks and satins and velvets and taffetas and organza and all of it. And the colours! It’s all so dreamy. I don’t overly love the style of a lot of the gowns, that sort of empire line, mainly because it only looks good on women with fewer curves and a flatter chest, they can look gorrrrrrrgeous in them. But otherwise if you have any kind of cleavage it looks so weird and bleh. I love Penelope so much, she’s always been a favourite character and she honestly deserves the very best. And Colin definitely got a glow up prior to this season. His brown coat is so delicious. I’m beginning to wonder if I should read the series…? I do love a lil historical romance. Anyway I don’t even Penelope and Colin to end up together, I mean Lord Debling is so lovely and Colin is off sleeping with hookers… like? Then again I know I am wrong in how I think and feel about all of this. I know I have expectations ghat are unfair, I mean maybe not for everyone but if I’m nothing special and therefore not enough then can I criticise. This doesn’t make sense. Anyway. Actually nevermind I just watched the fourth episode and I am very much Team Colin. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!!!!! But now I have to wait for part two in mid June :(
I’m going to the office tomorrow. I don’t want to. But oh well. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get back in twice a week - I’ve been slack with it and it doesn’t help me become better. Leaving the house more is important, so this shall be one of the ways. I’m also going to get some new sneakers and a walking jacket so I can go for walks more regularly. I’d like to go several times a week, but I’ll work up to that. I love my walks, I love them a lot but I just get filled with every negative emotion when I go for them around my house, to the point I’ll start having tears running down my cheeks or shaky trembly hands - it’s pathetic. I think environment is everything, and purpose. When I walk pups at my parents I don’t feel these things, I’ll be a little anxy but nothing I can’t manage. But here? It’s so hard. It’s so stupid I know. But I love walking, I feel better when I do it regularly, so I shall keep forcing myself to do it until I feel okay about it. I know this is what I have to do, but the way it makes me feel inside… it never feels worth it. To be 20 minutes walk from home and feel on the verge of a panic attack is NOT a good feeling and it only makes my panic worsen. So baby steps. I’ve been considering on and off moving to a different area, I think I would feel more comfortable in other areas, I don’t know why I don’t here but I don’t. But moving elsewhere is no different to running from problems so I will sort it out here.
I broke his little bowl. I didn’t mean to :( I feel kind of upset about it, it’s been two weeks in the making with time to shape, dry, prime and I was doing a final layer of primer pre paint and my stupid finger went through the base. So I guess it would never have been a good present anyway because it broke so easily. But I bought a really pretty coloured paint because I thought he might like it and I just feel upset. I showed him it, idk why, I just messaged him a picture of it now and I already wish I hadn’t. I shouldn’t have even made anything for him in the first place, he’s made it abundantly clear he doesn’t care for homemade things - cards, presents, whatever. If he did like them he would comment on them, and he never does, so maybe it’s a good thing this broke. I just like sharing things with him, like when I draw and I like a tree I’ve drawn I want to show him, except I don’t because I’m utterly rubbish at drawing and it makes me look like a five year old. I at least appreciate his honesty, or transparency rather. It means I can understand what he does and doesn’t like. I just think his likes don’t mesh with my like of making homemade cards and presents. It’s not like I only give him that though. Anyway it doesn’t matter, plus it’s probably better for me to not share things like this given I don’t have any skill or natural talent with it. Just because you enjoy something doesn’t make you good at it.
I don’t feel so great this afternoon, mood wise.
I’ve done the absolute bare minimum with my room, and the bar was set very, very low today. I tidied the floor up a bit, I made my bed, did a lazy tidy of my vanity desk thing.. that’s about it. I’ll do more across the week.
I feel.. detached today. This afternoon, rather. I know I love my family, Andy, puppy… etc. I just can’t feel it. I know it’s all in there, but I feel detached and I can’t reach it. This isn’t unusual, I just always try to describe the feeling and always fail. I think knowing I care but not being able to feel myself care sums it up as well as I’ll ever be able to.
I found a little notebook of my early days of therapy, well with this current one, maybe not that early actually but idk. It was just me writing down who I am. The first is “I am a human” because I had to start with the basics. The last line is “I try my best to be friendly” - I think I will continue with this. No one really comments much on me so I will just write it as things feel write. From memory it was also a way to force myself to speak more kindly to myself, ie I am a woman vs I am a monster. And things like I’m generous, I love animals, I am quiet, I try to be patient, I love romance, I appreciate attention to detail, I like to care for others, I am a homebody, I love reading etc. And then scattered amongst it was some honesty, like I can be a control freak, I am quite particular about some things, I am indecisive, I am sensitive etc. And then next to I am a friend I have a question mark. But I want to continue writing these things, I think it’s helpful when I feel lost in myself to be able to read through a list of things I’ve written and be reminded. That sounds so silly to not know who you are sometimes, but sometimes I just feel so unbelievably lost and unmoored from everything, even myself. So I’ll write all the good things, and the bad. I’ll write things that I like, things that I don’t. I’ll write things I want in my life, things I feel like I should want but don’t, things I shouldn’t want but do etc etc etc. It’ll be a little tiny notebook of everything me. I wonder if sometimes it’s possible for me to get any lamer? Unlikely.
I’ve been thinking about stopping journaling here more and more. I get more out of posting it here, it feels like a release, like I’m letting all the thoughts go which is especially helpful with my negative ones, I don’t know.
It’s 5:23pm. I need to wash and blowdry my hair, as it’s still damp in the morning lately. I need to have something for dinner, I guess. I’ve been struggling with eating lately, I feel so ugly and it makes me not want to eat and then that sets off a bad string of things. I’ll have something little, vegemite toast maybe. I need to pack my bag for tomorrow. And that’s it.
I feel better after a shower and chat with Andy, I still feel not good but he perked me up on the outside. He makes me laugh so much :) It’s kind of weird to think I’ll be living long term in Australia, like I’ve always intended on living there - until my mental health and covid messed things up a little for me timeline wise. But to think I’ll maybe say Australian things…? That I’ll say thongs? And I definitely will because I cave quickly, like I was only in the UK two years and I said crisps and trainers and I still do to this day, which I’m actively trying to stop. I wonder what my accent would sound like after like ten years… I really doubt I’d ever lose my accent. It’s funny how I do probably sound a bit different when talking to him versus my mum. I just talk more softly with him, I naturally do anyway to the point I have people comment semi regularly on how soft spoken I am, but idk, I don’t even mean to speak to him a certain way, I just do? And then he hears me talking to mum and I probably sound like I’m wearing Jandals and stubbies while loading up the ute as I prepare for a tramp in the bush. Christ. I do love being from here though, in theory I would rather we live here than Australia, and never say never… but it makes more sense to be there. I don’t really have anyone here other than my parents whereas he has family and friends and his payments and all of it. I don’t really have any ties here. Anyway.
I get to spend time with him tonight :) Night night
2024.05.19 09:57 random-guy-abcd A pirate's guide to android apps
Recently, a comment I made under another post (https://www.reddit.com/Piracy/s/OWvN8UNd0e) explaining what apps I use kinda blew up and people really found it useful, so I'm turning it into a proper guide! Here are some apps I think you all could find useful:
Getting apps
F-droid: the alternative to the play store, it needs extra repositories to unlock its full potential. I'd recommend adding at least IzzyOnDroid, Guardian Project and Newpipe's repositories, but there are more. Many apps from the rest of this list come from f-droid.
Obtainium: an app that allows you to get updates for your other app from any source, including github and f-droid. The only thing I don't like about it is that you can't easily discover new apps from there, otherwise I'd immediately get rid of f-droid lol
Mobilism: where you can get all the modded apps you want
Lucky Patcher: lets you patch your apps yourself, only recommended for experienced users
Honourable mentions: droid-ify, a client for f-droid; aurora store, it allows you to download stuff from the play store without logging in; apkmirror, where you can get clean .apk files for most apps
Media
Aniyomi: manga, comics, anime, movies, tv series, everything in a single app. I can't recommend it enough.
Cloudstream: alternative to Aniyomi, doesn't have manga/comics and it's more focused around western movies and series.
ReVanced: if I have to explain it to you, you're the most inexperienced pirate sailing the seas of android. It's the way to use youtube without ads and with a ton of extra features. It needs an external app for downloads, I'd recommend either newpipe or seal. Oh, and they also have patches for other apps like twitter, not just youtube!
PurpleTV: twitch client with adblocking and extra emotes
Seal: downloading stuff from pretty much everywhere
Honourable mentions: any fork of tachiyomi for mangas and comics works; there are some unofficial forks of revanced (like revanced extended), I haven't tried any of them though so idk if they're safe and/or worth it; newpipe and grayjay as youtube alternatives; tubemate, an alternative youtube downloader
Music
Spotify: the default way to listen to music for most people. There are 5000 modded versions of it, so just pick one
Musicolet: the GOAT of offline music players, it's free and it's the best one I've ever tried
Automatic Tag Editor (Automatag): edit tags (artist, name, album art, etc) of your music
SongSync: add lyrics to your downloaded music through .lrc files (only works if supported by the music player)
Honourable mentions: fildo, an alternative to cracked Spotify that I only use to download stuff in FLAC
Browser
Just use firefox with a truckload of add-ons, it's the best. Brave is ok too I guess, and Tor might be useful sometimes, but just use firefox.
Utility
MiXplorer: the best file manager in existence, period. Takes a while to set it up, but it's worth it, trust me.
Hypatia: antivirus. Not necessary, but doesn't hurt either.
FolderSync: lets you sync folders between devices and with cloud services. Extremely useful for backups and file sharing
Syncthing: sync folders between your device without needing to use cloud services, alternative to FolderSync
Aegis: authenticator app for 2FA, safer alternative to Google Authenticator
KeePassDX or Bitwarden: password managers. Both have their pros and cons, personally I use keepass but most people suggest self-hosted bitwarden. Just look into them and decide yourself.
AdAway: adblocker. There are other options that are just as valid, no reason to pick this one in particular.
Notesnook: encrypted notes with automatic backups and syncing between devices
AntennaPod: where I get my podcasts from
Proton: free VPN, not for torrenting tho.
OpenWeather: weather app
Honourable mentions: MEGA: the goat of clouds; AccuBattery: info about your battery's health; Calyx VPN or RiseUp VPN are alternatives to Proton... If you trust them; modded Picsart is the best picture editor; I didn't mention any torrenting app because I don't torrent stuff on my phone, feel free to suggest them in the comments!
Sources: years of fucking around and finding out, and FREEMEDIAHECKYEAH
submitted by random-guy-abcd to Piracy [link] [comments]
Getting apps
F-droid: the alternative to the play store, it needs extra repositories to unlock its full potential. I'd recommend adding at least IzzyOnDroid, Guardian Project and Newpipe's repositories, but there are more. Many apps from the rest of this list come from f-droid.
Obtainium: an app that allows you to get updates for your other app from any source, including github and f-droid. The only thing I don't like about it is that you can't easily discover new apps from there, otherwise I'd immediately get rid of f-droid lol
Mobilism: where you can get all the modded apps you want
Lucky Patcher: lets you patch your apps yourself, only recommended for experienced users
Honourable mentions: droid-ify, a client for f-droid; aurora store, it allows you to download stuff from the play store without logging in; apkmirror, where you can get clean .apk files for most apps
Media
Aniyomi: manga, comics, anime, movies, tv series, everything in a single app. I can't recommend it enough.
Cloudstream: alternative to Aniyomi, doesn't have manga/comics and it's more focused around western movies and series.
ReVanced: if I have to explain it to you, you're the most inexperienced pirate sailing the seas of android. It's the way to use youtube without ads and with a ton of extra features. It needs an external app for downloads, I'd recommend either newpipe or seal. Oh, and they also have patches for other apps like twitter, not just youtube!
PurpleTV: twitch client with adblocking and extra emotes
Seal: downloading stuff from pretty much everywhere
Honourable mentions: any fork of tachiyomi for mangas and comics works; there are some unofficial forks of revanced (like revanced extended), I haven't tried any of them though so idk if they're safe and/or worth it; newpipe and grayjay as youtube alternatives; tubemate, an alternative youtube downloader
Music
Spotify: the default way to listen to music for most people. There are 5000 modded versions of it, so just pick one
Musicolet: the GOAT of offline music players, it's free and it's the best one I've ever tried
Automatic Tag Editor (Automatag): edit tags (artist, name, album art, etc) of your music
SongSync: add lyrics to your downloaded music through .lrc files (only works if supported by the music player)
Honourable mentions: fildo, an alternative to cracked Spotify that I only use to download stuff in FLAC
Browser
Just use firefox with a truckload of add-ons, it's the best. Brave is ok too I guess, and Tor might be useful sometimes, but just use firefox.
Utility
MiXplorer: the best file manager in existence, period. Takes a while to set it up, but it's worth it, trust me.
Hypatia: antivirus. Not necessary, but doesn't hurt either.
FolderSync: lets you sync folders between devices and with cloud services. Extremely useful for backups and file sharing
Syncthing: sync folders between your device without needing to use cloud services, alternative to FolderSync
Aegis: authenticator app for 2FA, safer alternative to Google Authenticator
KeePassDX or Bitwarden: password managers. Both have their pros and cons, personally I use keepass but most people suggest self-hosted bitwarden. Just look into them and decide yourself.
AdAway: adblocker. There are other options that are just as valid, no reason to pick this one in particular.
Notesnook: encrypted notes with automatic backups and syncing between devices
AntennaPod: where I get my podcasts from
Proton: free VPN, not for torrenting tho.
OpenWeather: weather app
Honourable mentions: MEGA: the goat of clouds; AccuBattery: info about your battery's health; Calyx VPN or RiseUp VPN are alternatives to Proton... If you trust them; modded Picsart is the best picture editor; I didn't mention any torrenting app because I don't torrent stuff on my phone, feel free to suggest them in the comments!
Sources: years of fucking around and finding out, and FREEMEDIAHECKYEAH
2024.05.19 09:56 Head_Alternative_184 ABYG for cutting my friend after niya akong gawing thirdhweel lagi
This is kind of bit long, please bare with me and hopefully hindi makalabas outside subreddit.
Meron akong friend na more than 10 years na kaming friends and I’ve been through her upds and downs since elem. She’s more like my sister na dahil nagkilala kami noon pa and we were inseparable. Shs came and fortunately naging classmates kami since we both transferred into a new school. We were both excited sa bago naming environment and who will be our friends in the future.
During that time, my friend met someone in our classroom na nakakausap niya which is naging friend namin both before sila magkaroon ng something, ngayon mag gf na sila. Of course i’m very happy for her and I wish nothing but the best sa relationship nila. Kaso for the past few months medyo naiilang na ako sa kanya and her gf as well. Everytime na may gala kasi sila, lagi akong sinasama. Nung una, I didn’t mind kasi friend ko naman sila both so I didn’t saw a problem with that. Hanggang sa napansin ko na laging ako lang ang sinasama nila and they na d-drain energy ko na non. I don’t see a problem if comfy sila na ako lang ang isama pero ayoko lang minsan din na sumasama sa kanila kasi I want my me time and ayoko din masyadong gumastos.
Nung monthsarry nila, yung friend ko as usual inaya ako na sumama since kakain daw sila sa resto para magcelebrate. I was tired that time kasi naging busy ako in preparing our presentation and I said na silang dalawa nalang muna and nahihiya nadin ako sumama minsan kasi halos lahat ng monthsarry nila, lagi akong included sa mga pictures. Akala ko naman maiintindihan niya pero nagalit siya sa akin na nagiging distant daw ako ever since na naging sila daw and then bragged about how I was not an outgoing person that much. Doon palang nainis na ako kasi normal lang naman dumistant if may jowa na friend mo, plus hindi daw ako outgoing e halos lahat ng dates nila is kasama ako, so sino niloloko niya? Well ayoko naman makipag-away so na no choice akong sumama kahit na ang sama ng loob ko. Nung nandoon na kami sa resto, ayon nandoon sila sa table for two and sinabi sa akin na “ok lang ba kung doon ka sa isang table? sorry ah want kasi ng gf ko na kami lang” during that time ang naalala ko lang sa kanya non is may sinabi ako na hinci maganda and I walked out sa resto. I felt disrespected kasi if want nila na silang dalawa lang, sana pala hindi na ako inaya kung ganoon. Look I don’t mind if hindi nila ako ayain pero yung ippressure nila ako na isama tapos ganon lang pala ittrato sayo, sa tingin niyo ba matutuwa kayo doon?
A week has already passed since the incident happened. Todo iwas ako non sa kanilang dalawa. I even volunteered na lumipat ng section next month dahil naramdaman ko na para akong ginago nung araw na yon. My other classmates were trying to tell me na makipagusap ako sa kanya pero ayoko. Ayoko na makipag associate sa kanya after nung mangyari.
Narinig ko din na umiiyak daw yung friend ko kasi hindi ko daw pinapansin and yung gf daw is mismong kakausap na sa akin if hindi pa din daw ako nakikipagusap sa friend ko. Parehas ko na din silang cinut off through social media and I even blocked them para lang hind masira ang peace ko.
Tomorrow may pasok na and hindi ko alam kung ano mangyayari, pero one thing for sure is that hindi ako makikipagusap kahit na gusto nila ifix. I got fed up na and I don’t want to talk with them while my feelings are still not in the right mind pa para doon. But I do plan of not being friends with them anymore and itutuloy ko na din na lumipat ng section.
So ABYG na ayoko na makisalamuha sa kanya?
submitted by Head_Alternative_184 to AkoBaYungGago [link] [comments]
Meron akong friend na more than 10 years na kaming friends and I’ve been through her upds and downs since elem. She’s more like my sister na dahil nagkilala kami noon pa and we were inseparable. Shs came and fortunately naging classmates kami since we both transferred into a new school. We were both excited sa bago naming environment and who will be our friends in the future.
During that time, my friend met someone in our classroom na nakakausap niya which is naging friend namin both before sila magkaroon ng something, ngayon mag gf na sila. Of course i’m very happy for her and I wish nothing but the best sa relationship nila. Kaso for the past few months medyo naiilang na ako sa kanya and her gf as well. Everytime na may gala kasi sila, lagi akong sinasama. Nung una, I didn’t mind kasi friend ko naman sila both so I didn’t saw a problem with that. Hanggang sa napansin ko na laging ako lang ang sinasama nila and they na d-drain energy ko na non. I don’t see a problem if comfy sila na ako lang ang isama pero ayoko lang minsan din na sumasama sa kanila kasi I want my me time and ayoko din masyadong gumastos.
Nung monthsarry nila, yung friend ko as usual inaya ako na sumama since kakain daw sila sa resto para magcelebrate. I was tired that time kasi naging busy ako in preparing our presentation and I said na silang dalawa nalang muna and nahihiya nadin ako sumama minsan kasi halos lahat ng monthsarry nila, lagi akong included sa mga pictures. Akala ko naman maiintindihan niya pero nagalit siya sa akin na nagiging distant daw ako ever since na naging sila daw and then bragged about how I was not an outgoing person that much. Doon palang nainis na ako kasi normal lang naman dumistant if may jowa na friend mo, plus hindi daw ako outgoing e halos lahat ng dates nila is kasama ako, so sino niloloko niya? Well ayoko naman makipag-away so na no choice akong sumama kahit na ang sama ng loob ko. Nung nandoon na kami sa resto, ayon nandoon sila sa table for two and sinabi sa akin na “ok lang ba kung doon ka sa isang table? sorry ah want kasi ng gf ko na kami lang” during that time ang naalala ko lang sa kanya non is may sinabi ako na hinci maganda and I walked out sa resto. I felt disrespected kasi if want nila na silang dalawa lang, sana pala hindi na ako inaya kung ganoon. Look I don’t mind if hindi nila ako ayain pero yung ippressure nila ako na isama tapos ganon lang pala ittrato sayo, sa tingin niyo ba matutuwa kayo doon?
A week has already passed since the incident happened. Todo iwas ako non sa kanilang dalawa. I even volunteered na lumipat ng section next month dahil naramdaman ko na para akong ginago nung araw na yon. My other classmates were trying to tell me na makipagusap ako sa kanya pero ayoko. Ayoko na makipag associate sa kanya after nung mangyari.
Narinig ko din na umiiyak daw yung friend ko kasi hindi ko daw pinapansin and yung gf daw is mismong kakausap na sa akin if hindi pa din daw ako nakikipagusap sa friend ko. Parehas ko na din silang cinut off through social media and I even blocked them para lang hind masira ang peace ko.
Tomorrow may pasok na and hindi ko alam kung ano mangyayari, pero one thing for sure is that hindi ako makikipagusap kahit na gusto nila ifix. I got fed up na and I don’t want to talk with them while my feelings are still not in the right mind pa para doon. But I do plan of not being friends with them anymore and itutuloy ko na din na lumipat ng section.
So ABYG na ayoko na makisalamuha sa kanya?
2024.05.19 09:53 Asleep-Mycologist333 Picsart Gold v24.9.6 MOD APK (Premium Unlocked)
 | https://preview.redd.it/49orqzro9c1d1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=d19688d21dd5affb64ebe41c82feb7f50ef80936 submitted by Asleep-Mycologist333 to Modifiedmods [link] [comments]
👆👆👆👆Download Link👆👆👆👆 https://t.me/official_modyolo https://instagram.com/modifiedmod.in https://discord.gg/GQUCUPEeed DRAW LARGE GAPS SIMPLYIn the new version of Picsart, users can find a new feature called Bucket Fill, and its use is to help you add color or other elements to a space inside the photo. This space often has a point that they are usually quite large and occupy the area inside the image. So you’ll be able to add the elements you want to empty spaces with the new feature more quickly without having to sit and draw for a long time.ADJUST VIDEO AND IMAGES IN A SIMPLE WAYThe feature that users can find in Picsart is straightforwardly editing images and videos with many unique tools and effects that you cannot ignore. You can make your products more beautiful and easily attract the attention of users. At the same time, the number of tools that you can experience stretches across many different photo aspects that you will take the time to reach and master.CUSTOMIZE IMAGES WITH BASIC TOOLSWhen you get started with Picsart, you won’t ignore photo-related factors such as the aspect ratio of images and videos. Specifically, to match the platforms you can share, the application will bring you many crop features for you to use and add other essential functions. For videos, it will be to cut unnecessary segments so that users can see the necessary information. You can also use dispersion to create a disintegration effect for a character in an image.A VARIETY OF FILTERS THAT YOU CAN USEWhen it comes to an editing app like Picsart, you shouldn’t overlook the number of filters you can use. You can give your image or video a new color that you feel is right, and when you pass this step, photos with dull colors also become beautiful. Of course, you can find many criteria for filter types, and you can choose to facilitate your search.CHANGE THE BACKGROUND AND BLUR ITBesides the above features, many people often use them to change the background and simply blur the scene. Changing the environment requires that you recognize the object correctly for the change to go smoothly. Also, blurring the background is often used when adding a landscape image to your image. After adding and blurring, you can use the eraser to erase the areas of the blurred image that overlap the original one.ADD STICKERS AND LIGHT EFFECTSWhen it comes to filters, you certainly won’t ignore the stickers and effects that you can take advantage of. Specifically, you can find many stickers with different categories to make your image colorful and suitable for it. You can also add some artistic lens effects and use brushes to add these images by dotting a specific spot.DIFFERENT TYPES OF FONTS BEAUTIFY THE IMAGE CONTENTWhen you edit a photo, you will want to tell some story, and the way you show this is through different text. You can add text with additional content and change them into 200 different fonts to use. That turns your texts into absolutely stunning decorative elements. You can load the meaningful text in the internet to insert it into your images if you don’t have any content.CREATE UNIQUENESS WITH IMAGES AND MUSICWhen you edit images or videos with this application, you can easily add other files to your product. For images, you can use another photo that further supports the main image you are using and can use the case of blur background. Videos can create attraction for viewers when you add songs that are trending or relevant to the content of the video.EDIT OR TAKE PICTURES QUICKLYIf you want to have a beautiful image where the character in the photo does not have any defects, you should take a selfie and turn on the beauties feature. It is similar to a makeup feature that helps you effectively hide imperfections and correct some other parts of your face. Also, if you don’t want to edit the step process, you can reuse some of the images suggested by the replay feature and replace some of your sign elements.FEATURES SUM UP
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2024.05.19 09:48 diligentfalconry71 Lojan Travel Buddy - first thoughts
I decided to go for it, and ordered myself a Travel Buddy this week. u/katie-kaboom already posted a thorough review of the regular Buddy here, but here’s the mobile version ! I’ve taken some pictures with my Lendrum DT for comparison.
Why get another folding wheel when I already have one? Well, as much as I love it, the Lendrum is bigger than is easy to sling on my back and head out on my bike. The Travel Buddy is smaller (although about the same weight), and comes with its own backpack; I never got a “real” bag for the Lendrum and have been using a comically large Timbuk2 messenger bag for years, but that is just not really comfortable.
I was leery of Irish tension since I got soured on it quite some time ago — ironically enough on a Louët which I decided was my sworn enemy — but I thought the description of Dutch tension sounded like maybe they’d successfully dialed back the difficulty, and anyways I’m a much better spinner now than I was back then, so it’d probably be fine. And worst case scenario, if I still hated Irish tension, I could just sell the wheel on. So, I decided to give it a shot while the intro price was still so low.
Prep and assembly: I bought the Lojan branded beeswax finish and put three coats on the pieces, waiting about 12h between coats, before assembly. Once that was done, I found it straightforward and easy to put together. I’m currently a little slow-paced because I caught myself a fine case of covid a few days ago, but even so, it took me a little over an hour (less than two episodes of Stargate SG-1 anyways!), and roughly half for the wheel and half for the bobbins.
Speaking of which, the bobbins are huge! 200g capacity apparently. All the sources I find say the Lendrum standard bobbins have a 6oz capacity, but that sounds high to me; I was guessing 4. If 6oz is right, the capacity is almost the same between the two.
Once I had it assembled, I started out with some combed Icelandic top from my breed sampler stash — nothing too persnickety. And predictably, the take-up was way stronger than I expected. I had to hang on hard to keep it from yanking out of my hand, even with the brake basically off, and I did think, “oh no, I have just made a very expensive mistake.” But I remembered to try cross-lacing and see if I could get it dialed in better.
Attempt 1: The flyer has two sliding plastic guides on each arm, so first I crossed over the arms from side to side. That helped, but because the guides go down in the direction of the bobbin rather than out like hooks usually do, it dragged the singles across the surface of the bobbin, which caused friction I didn’t like.
Attempt 2: next I popped the plastic guides off the flyer, and switched two of them outwards rather than inwards. That didn’t actually increase the distance enough to prevent dragging the singles across the surface of the spooled singles when I cross-laced, so no go.
Attempt 3 - almost there! I thought about what the physics of cross-lacing is, and realized that all I really need is more weight-bearing support to increase the friction and cause drag. So I tried feeding the singles straight through the two guides on one side; with one reversed, it created a slightly zigzaggy path which still accomplished the same increased-resistance effect, and made a big difference in reducing the take-up without dragging singles across singles.
But, it still wasn’t enough for me, because I strongly prefer a chilled out, lazy long draw, and I’m used to getting pretty fine singles with it on my Lendrum, so having to settle for short forward draw was just going to annoy me in the long run. So…
Attempt 3: loop the singles around the reversed guide. And this is a winner! It reduced the take-up so much I had to start easing the brake back up. I basically pulled a loop over the top of the flyer, over the reversed (sticking out instead of in) guide, pulled it back under and hooked it on the underside of that guide, in kind of an M shape. This let me push the ratio up and easily get to 40 wpi with zero stress drafting.
With the M-lacing, I did try out a little long draw, and this test spin is with a merino-silk combed top, but I still kept my left hand in action to control twist and just generally be careful with it since I’m not 100% confident yet. I’ve barely spent more than an hour spinning so far, the Icelandic singles, plus chain-plying two other breed sampler singles, and finally the merino-silk singles test run. But overall I’m pretty satisfied that I conquered my fear of Irish tension, and have a wheel I can spin my way on — rather than a wheel that’s going to make me spin its way. And I’m looking forward to biking to an upcoming spin-in with my aptly named little Buddy!
submitted by diligentfalconry71 to Handspinning [link] [comments]
Why get another folding wheel when I already have one? Well, as much as I love it, the Lendrum is bigger than is easy to sling on my back and head out on my bike. The Travel Buddy is smaller (although about the same weight), and comes with its own backpack; I never got a “real” bag for the Lendrum and have been using a comically large Timbuk2 messenger bag for years, but that is just not really comfortable.
I was leery of Irish tension since I got soured on it quite some time ago — ironically enough on a Louët which I decided was my sworn enemy — but I thought the description of Dutch tension sounded like maybe they’d successfully dialed back the difficulty, and anyways I’m a much better spinner now than I was back then, so it’d probably be fine. And worst case scenario, if I still hated Irish tension, I could just sell the wheel on. So, I decided to give it a shot while the intro price was still so low.
Prep and assembly: I bought the Lojan branded beeswax finish and put three coats on the pieces, waiting about 12h between coats, before assembly. Once that was done, I found it straightforward and easy to put together. I’m currently a little slow-paced because I caught myself a fine case of covid a few days ago, but even so, it took me a little over an hour (less than two episodes of Stargate SG-1 anyways!), and roughly half for the wheel and half for the bobbins.
Speaking of which, the bobbins are huge! 200g capacity apparently. All the sources I find say the Lendrum standard bobbins have a 6oz capacity, but that sounds high to me; I was guessing 4. If 6oz is right, the capacity is almost the same between the two.
Once I had it assembled, I started out with some combed Icelandic top from my breed sampler stash — nothing too persnickety. And predictably, the take-up was way stronger than I expected. I had to hang on hard to keep it from yanking out of my hand, even with the brake basically off, and I did think, “oh no, I have just made a very expensive mistake.” But I remembered to try cross-lacing and see if I could get it dialed in better.
Attempt 1: The flyer has two sliding plastic guides on each arm, so first I crossed over the arms from side to side. That helped, but because the guides go down in the direction of the bobbin rather than out like hooks usually do, it dragged the singles across the surface of the bobbin, which caused friction I didn’t like.
Attempt 2: next I popped the plastic guides off the flyer, and switched two of them outwards rather than inwards. That didn’t actually increase the distance enough to prevent dragging the singles across the surface of the spooled singles when I cross-laced, so no go.
Attempt 3 - almost there! I thought about what the physics of cross-lacing is, and realized that all I really need is more weight-bearing support to increase the friction and cause drag. So I tried feeding the singles straight through the two guides on one side; with one reversed, it created a slightly zigzaggy path which still accomplished the same increased-resistance effect, and made a big difference in reducing the take-up without dragging singles across singles.
But, it still wasn’t enough for me, because I strongly prefer a chilled out, lazy long draw, and I’m used to getting pretty fine singles with it on my Lendrum, so having to settle for short forward draw was just going to annoy me in the long run. So…
Attempt 3: loop the singles around the reversed guide. And this is a winner! It reduced the take-up so much I had to start easing the brake back up. I basically pulled a loop over the top of the flyer, over the reversed (sticking out instead of in) guide, pulled it back under and hooked it on the underside of that guide, in kind of an M shape. This let me push the ratio up and easily get to 40 wpi with zero stress drafting.
With the M-lacing, I did try out a little long draw, and this test spin is with a merino-silk combed top, but I still kept my left hand in action to control twist and just generally be careful with it since I’m not 100% confident yet. I’ve barely spent more than an hour spinning so far, the Icelandic singles, plus chain-plying two other breed sampler singles, and finally the merino-silk singles test run. But overall I’m pretty satisfied that I conquered my fear of Irish tension, and have a wheel I can spin my way on — rather than a wheel that’s going to make me spin its way. And I’m looking forward to biking to an upcoming spin-in with my aptly named little Buddy!
2024.05.19 09:41 Gold_Seaweed [USA-KY] [H] Switch games (Persona 4/5, Zelda, Skyrim, Pokemon games, Metroid, etc), 3/DS, Indigo GameCube CIB w/ OEM controller, etc [W] Wii U accessories, Fire Emblem (GBA/DS/GC/Wii), GBA SP, GB player, list (switch games)
If you want pictures of anything, please let me know!
Thanks for checking in!
Wants:
New Nintendo 3DS/XL/2DSXLFire Emblem Fates Special Edition (3DS)
Pokemon Leaf Green CIB (non-player choice) (GBA)
GameBoy Advance SP (any color, but pearl blue preferred)
Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade (GBA)
Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones (GBA)
GameBoy Player + disc (GC)
Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance (GC)
Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn (Wii)
Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon (DS)
Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore (Switch)
Persona 3 Portable (Switch)
Super Robot Wars X (Switch)
Castlevania Anniversary Collection (Switch)
Wii U Gamepad dock
OEM Wii U gamepad charger
HDD + split cable (y cable) for Wii U
Open to offers
submitted by Gold_Seaweed to gameswap [link] [comments]
Thanks for checking in!
| Console | Name | Condition |
|---|---|---|
| Switch | Astral Chain | CIB |
| Switch | Catan | New |
| Switch | Clannad Collectors Edition LRG | CIB |
| Switch | Dead Cells: Castlevania Ed. | CIB |
| Switch | Digimon Survive | CIB |
| Switch | Double Dragon & Kunio-kun: Retro Brawler Bundle | New |
| Switch | Dragon Quest XI | CIB |
| Switch | Metroid Dread | New |
| Switch | Monster Hunter: Rise | CIB |
| Switch | Nintendo Switch case, grey | Used |
| Switch | NBA 2k19 | CIB |
| Switch | Nier Automata | New |
| Switch | Persona 4 Golden LRG | New |
| Switch | Persona 5 Royal Steel Box Ed. | CIB |
| Switch | Pokemon Violet + DLC (one cart) | CIB |
| Switch | Pokemon Brilliant Diamond | CIB |
| Switch | Pokemon: Legends Arceus | CIB |
| Switch | Pokemon Sword | CIB |
| Switch | Record of Agarest War | CIB |
| Switch | Shining Resonance Refrain Launch Edition | CIB |
| Switch | Steins;Gate: Elite | CIB |
| Switch | The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim | CIB |
| Switch | The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom | CIB |
| Switch | Unicorn Overlord | New |
| 3DS | Fire Emblem: Warriors | New |
| 3DS | Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon | CIB |
| 3DS | Metroid: Samus Returns | CIB |
| 3DS | Monster Hunter: 4 Ultimate | CIB - damaged case |
| 3DS | Monster Hunter: Generations | Loose |
| 3DS | Pokemon Moon | Loose |
| 3DS | Super Smash Bros. 3DS | CIB |
| 3DS | The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D | CIB/damaged case |
| DS | Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney | CIB |
| DS | Phoenix Wright: Justice For All | CIB |
| DS | Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulation | CIB |
| DS | Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney | CIB |
| DS | Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney Special edition (Japanese) | CIB, but has wear and tear |
| GameCube | Indigo GameCube console + controller | CIB, damaged box but has manuals and such. |
| GameCube | Sonic Mega Collection | No manuals, but has a case (players choice) |
| MISC. | HG Tallgeese III | Unused |
| MISC. | HG RX-78-2 Gundam | New |
| MISC. | HG MS-06S Zaku II (Red Comet Ver.) | New |
| MISC. | Digimon Tamagotchi | New |
New Nintendo 3DS/XL/2DSXLFire Emblem Fates Special Edition (3DS)
Pokemon Leaf Green CIB (non-player choice) (GBA)
GameBoy Advance SP (any color, but pearl blue preferred)
Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade (GBA)
Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones (GBA)
GameBoy Player + disc (GC)
Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance (GC)
Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn (Wii)
Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon (DS)
Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore (Switch)
Persona 3 Portable (Switch)
Super Robot Wars X (Switch)
Castlevania Anniversary Collection (Switch)
Wii U Gamepad dock
OEM Wii U gamepad charger
HDD + split cable (y cable) for Wii U
Open to offers
2024.05.19 09:29 Secret-Tomatillo5044 I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web pt1
I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.
submitted by Secret-Tomatillo5044 to libraryofshadows [link] [comments]
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.
2024.05.19 09:23 kiwasabi LGBTQ+ The Plus Stands For Pedophile: The Illuminati is coming for your kids with Drag Queen/ Groomer Clown Story Hour, books in elementary school libraries which depict and normalize sex between children and adults. Transgenderism is pushed because Baphomet possesses both breasts and a male phallus
 | INTRODUCTION: submitted by kiwasabi to conservatives [link] [comments] To anyone with eyes that are able to see, it's very obvious that LGBTQ+ is a social engineering and mind control propaganda weapon being waged against all of humanity by the Illuminati. There are many reasons for this endless onslaught of pushing and overnormalizing everything that is gay, trans, and pedophilic. The Illuminati itself is comprised of around 13 bloodlines which are all hereditary incestuous and pedophilic families. So when you hear their puppets telling the joke "The Aristocrats" (LINK) which consists of so called comedians telling the most disgusting tale of an Aristocratic bloodline family having sex with each other and ending with "And they're called The Aristocrats", you'll know they're utilizing Revelation of the Method and putting it right out in the open as a "joke". The Illuminati utilizes Satanic Ritual Abuse and pedophilic incest in order to deliberately cause trauma to their progeny so that they can split their personalities and then program and control the new personality. This is called Project Monarch Trauma Based Mind Control. It was under Josef Mengele and the Nazis where this hereditary incest form of mind control was scientifically studied using the child prisoners of Auschwitz, most commonly with twin girls. After World War 2 and the fall of the Nazis, via Operation Paperclip, 1400 Nazi scientists and engineers were saved from the Nuremberg Trials via the Vatican Rat Line and were smuggled out of Germany into the United States, where they would go on to form the backbone of the Central Intelligence Agency and continue their Monarch Mind Control research. What's left out from the history books is that Josef Mengele "The Angel of Death" was also smuggled out of Nazi Germany and continued his horrific mind control research on twin girls for decades in the United States. What does this all have to do with LGBTQ+? Well, basically that joke "The Aristocrats" is the endgoal and endgame for all of Earth humanity. It's my theory that The Illuminati wants to normalize pedophilia to the point where a parent is required to encourage their children to engage in sexual relationships with grown adults. And if the parent pushes back on this abomination, The Illuminati wants to be able to take possession of the children via CPS Child Protective Services, "for their own safety" of course. BAPHOMET IS TRANSGENDER: One of the reasons in which the Illuminati is so obsessed with the unnatural concept of transgenderism is because their demon god Baphomet is generally depicted as possessing both female breasts and a male phallus. On public statues of Baphomet such as at Satanic Temples, he (or is that he/she?) is depicted without breasts due to public decency laws. Once you understand that The Illuminati worships a transgender demon god, then you'll understand why they want your children to be gay and trans. Oh yeah, and did you notice the American Medical Association symbol coming out of Baphomet's crotch? How did that get there? Now does it make sense why it has wings as well? https://preview.redd.it/jo74m4ybkp0d1.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d9d23860fada0f893545ec59cd2f9861811bbff9 https://preview.redd.it/oatdlf64ar0d1.png?width=332&format=png&auto=webp&s=8be61945a59d912098cb3452b64d315c8102cec1 Now does it make sense why Target was selling a LGBTQ Transgender children's sweater with the Baphomet symbol on it? (LINK) SATAN'S RAINBOW: https://preview.redd.it/g4btql1t9r0d1.jpg?width=552&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6226bea836ac5ae09694acecf1217c57acb9b927 SEX IN LGBTQ SCHOOL LIBRARY BOOKS: When I was growing up, I do recall reading some books such as Catcher in the Rye which did contain some sexual themes and profanity. However, in recent years the sexualization of children has been thoroughly ramped up via LGBTQ propaganda in the form of sexually explicit school library books. Children are still trying to figure out who they really are as a person, and by indoctrinating them with gender confusion propaganda at such a young age we are ensuring they will be steered in the wrong direction. Which is of course exactly what The Powers That Be really want. By the way, when I was searching for examples of LGBTQ books with sexual content, I had to scroll through 3 pages of LGBTQ apologist articles decrying about all these "banned LGBTQ books". What's interesting is that all of these CIA Mockingbird Media propaganda articles always say the books are being banned for their LGBTQ content, not for their explicit sexual content (which doesn't necessarily have to be gay or trans in any way). For instance, ABC News"Report: LGBTQ content drove book banning efforts in 2023" (LINK) and NBC News "More than half of 2023's most challenged books have LGBTQ themes" (LINK). Note how they're obfuscating the sexually inappropriate content by calling it "LGBTQ themes" instead. Perhaps this is The Illuminati actually revealing the truth out in the open, that "LGBTQ content" actually means sexually inappropriate content which is directed at children? Let's call LGBTQ elementary school library books what they really are: the sexualization and grooming of children by predators and pedophiles. Sexualizing Schoolchildren: Classroom and Library Books (LINK) "Parent and Child Loudoun reviewed and listed hundreds of age-inappropriate, sexually confusing, explicit, objectionable, and profane books that were placed in schools in classrooms and libraries in their district. Here are just a few examples:
"The books in question are largely teen and young adult stories involving romance or sexual abuse, often with LGBTQ themes. Several were critically acclaimed. They include:
Target Sells Trans Clothing to Children Designed by Satanic Transgender (LINK) A clothing line as part of Target's LGBTQ children's products was designed by a Satanist female to male transgender named Erik Kallen, under the brand name Abprallen. There were only three products being marketed by the Abprallen brand, and none of them depicted the blatant Satanic imagery that was shared around the internet as part of a hoax with AI generated images (LINK). However, as I pointed out above, one of the sweatshirts in the collection does contain the Baphomet symbol. And it doesn't take much exploring of Abprallen's Instagram profile to find some unsettling content (LINK). Erik Kallen made a statement saying, "My work was likely pulled following false accusations of being a Satanist and marketing my work to children, both claims have been debunked numerous times but members of the religious right refuse to back down". https://preview.redd.it/7pdsq8r54q0d1.jpg?width=912&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d46c8d192bc50043e378c7be2d18fd162d67746c Claims that you were a Satanist were thoroughly debunked, you say? Which "Guardian Angel" (Demon) is a transgender again? Oh yeah, Baphomet. And what were you doing at the Satanic Flea Market in London? Also, I thought you said "Satan Respects Pronouns"? https://preview.redd.it/ferg6lr75q0d1.jpg?width=912&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5beef8365b280f2a9c251a2c396f1fcb0ad9df54 https://preview.redd.it/zpoyqsc96q0d1.jpg?width=728&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=67c22356d03ab50bea569d083afec37d10af5805 "I'm gay, trans, and a secret third thing..." Does anyone care to guess what is meant by that? "I support gay wrongs", "Gay supervillain", "Make More Gay Horror Movies". https://preview.redd.it/w9lkj8et6q0d1.jpg?width=912&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=749874db6545c8fc670af031a46259f0912e7703 Take "Poppers" to open your "Third Eye" (Hint: He doesn't mean your pineal gland....he means your butthole"). Illuminati confirmed. https://preview.redd.it/u3q7z0028q0d1.jpg?width=892&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=80dfd6b11268122d8c367867aa67782c8effeeea https://preview.redd.it/s047iqvm8q0d1.jpg?width=892&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bbb51efe6a51b224d87aa937e5aac520dda684ee https://preview.redd.it/bx4ewlx49q0d1.jpg?width=716&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6fcc28213453c8c6a88db6caec3663c1ef4fe003 https://preview.redd.it/r72gurpi9q0d1.jpg?width=892&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=611d83691ff3850796f873f2480f98f65ed50ed5 https://preview.redd.it/tmtv1dp0aq0d1.jpg?width=892&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26615b9946de7722d59dca3be75a0145b9771956 As far as I'm concerned, all the claims about Erik Callen being a Satanist and marketing products to children have been thoroughly UNDEBUNKED just based on his products and post history on Instagram. This to me is clearly a case of classic bait and switch. Market some seemingly innocent "trans inclusive" clothing to children, get them hooked on the Abprallen brand while they're young, then "transition" them to the more seedy and shady product offerings. Based on the products and images shown above, can this really be considered a gender identity? Or is this more appropriately categorized as a mental illness and a cult? The embracing of confusion. The final culmination of the "Nothing is real" mind control psy op social engineering. Now literally GENDER ISN'T REAL. And "Men can get pregnant". "MEN CAN GET PREGNANT" As I previously posted, Arnold Schwarzenegger was replaced by an imposter in a mask wearing heavy facial prosthetics in 1990 (LINK). As part of the Illuminati's ongoing Ritual Mocking of the Victim / Humiliation Ritual against the name and image of Arnold Schwarzenegger, in 1994 the fake Arnold Schwarzenegger was placed into a travesty of a film called Junior (1994). As you can see from the film's poster, "Nothing is inconceivable". What a funny pun, right? They mean "conceive" as in conceiving and giving birth to a baby.... Except by a man. Ten years before that in 1984, Bob Saget was already joking about how, "men can breast feed", but at least he admitted he made it up (LINK). Once you understand that a core tenet of Satanism is to reverse the natural order, you'll understand why they want to normalize the completely unnatural idea that, "Men can get pregnant". This is a direct attack on women, men, children, and humanity as a whole. This is an attack on motherhood and gender roles. This is an attack on the family. This is a direct attack on your sanity. And as I've shown here, this has been planned for at least 40 years. The movie Junior from 1994 is a prime example of the Illuminati Revelation of the Method, where they put out their plans right in the open and as long as we laugh and don't consciously object to them, then it means we have subconsciously accepted them. Junior is also a prime example of why the Illuminati would be motivated to replace an actor with an imposter. Here we have a movie that the real Arnold Schwarzenegger absolutely never would have signed on to star in. But since the real Arnold was killed and replaced, he was unable to object to his name and likeness being used in this atrocity of a film. Thus, Arnold Schwarzenegger was used against his will to push an evil agenda of the Illuminati while simultaneously being ritually humiliated by giving birth to a child and essentially being turned into a woman on screen. Notice the screenshots where he has let his hair grow out and he's wearing a pink outfit (dress?) with glasses and pearl necklaces. Does anyone really believe that Arnold Schwarzenegger would have ever stooped this low at the peak of his career? https://preview.redd.it/dchs07c2eq0d1.jpg?width=1425&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab849bbd8ad73659cbf353d4788914e1527edfe5 https://preview.redd.it/ex6c2k1geq0d1.jpg?width=1050&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=84731bec091800df7b9ab70ddc7d313d808bc70e https://preview.redd.it/opfk3j3ziq0d1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1b3266508272a8c7ce0e099902b6cc8715346017 MINOR ATTRACTED PERSON / PEDOPHILE FLAG: On June 13th 2018, a user on Tumblr created a flag for the NOMAP (Non Offending Minor Attracted Person) community. (LINK) Around June 12th 2018, an artist named Daniel Quasar updated the LGBTQ to add the colors light blue, light pink, and white to represent the Transgender Pride Flag colors. (LINK) These added stripes to the LGBTQ flag do not represent transgenderism. They represent pedophilia. Light blue represents attraction to young boys. Light pink represents attraction to young girls. The white stripe represents attraction to virginity. Coincidence theorists will have a field day on this one. https://preview.redd.it/3vih368tmq0d1.jpg?width=1019&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e09e7fc60a833a24de638d527b061a4ce7e64570 https://preview.redd.it/zvbv2pkvmq0d1.png?width=399&format=png&auto=webp&s=43f924c9dbe068ad232f45b1b0a861ce01872a36 "WE'RE COMING FOR YOUR CHILDREN": I've really liked this idea of no longer referring to them as "Drag Queens", but instead as "Groomer Clowns", since that's what they really are. Also, these people do not reproduce, which is why they are forced to recruit instead. Drag Queens at a march in New York were recorded as chanting "We're here, we're queer, we're coming for your children". In Florida, a Gay Pride parade was cancelled after it was made illegal to perform adult lewd performances in front of children. If they aren't coming for the children, then why the need to cancel the Gay Pride parade when the Groomer Clowns couldn't perform in front of children? Finally, the third link is about a homosexual couple who raped, filmed, and sex trafficked their two young adopted sons to other pedophiles. https://preview.redd.it/fcn48gosqq0d1.jpg?width=597&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29e1a9f8d97d52a858e7e3ed8f95db3368f4d72d https://preview.redd.it/vr4rav30rq0d1.jpg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e80d4063e16b7ae24c537b238630364b48ab0741 Video of Drag Marchers Chanting 'We're Coming For Your Children' Goes Viral (LINK) ***"***A video showing people chanting "we're coming for your children" has gone viral, sparking outrage on social media. New York City kicked off the last weekend of Pride Month with its annual Drag March on Friday". (LINK) Hundreds of drag performers marched through Manhattan's East Village in elaborate costumes on their way to the iconic Stonewall Inn. Video showing some of the march's participants chanting, "we're here, we're queer, we're coming for your children" Gay pride parade canceled in southeast Florida after anti-drag show law passes (LINK) "Officials in a southeast Florida city have canceled a gay pride parade and restricted other pride events to people 21 years and older in anticipation of Gov. Ron D. signing a bill meant to keep children out of drag shows. The Florida House sent Ron D. a bill Wednesday that bans children from adult performances, a proposal aimed at the governor’s opposition to drag shows. The legislation, which awaits the governor's signature, would allow the state to revoke the food and beverage licenses of businesses that admit children to adult performances. The Ron D. administration has moved to pull the liquor license of a Miami hotel that hosted a Christmas drag show, alleging children were present during "lewd" displays." Gay couple charged with molesting their adopted sons also pimped them out to pedophile ring, report claims (LINK) "A gay couple from Georgia charged with molesting their two adopted sons and using them to record child porn also allegedly pimped them out to members of a local pedophile ring, according to a disturbing new report. A months-long investigation by Townhall revealed that William Dale Zulock, 33, and Zachary Jacoby Zulock, 35, allegedly used social media to prostitute their two elementary-aged sons. William Zulock, a government worker, and Zachary Zulock, a banker, were indicted in August 2022 on charges of incest, aggravated sodomy, aggravated child molestation, felony sexual exploitation of children and felony prostitution of a minor. But the shocking investigation reveals in more detail the sickening abuse the boys suffered. For the first time, it was revealed that the men allegedly pimped out their older sons, now 11 and 9 years old, to two other men in a pedophile ring. One of the men, Hunter Clay Lawless, 27, told investigators that Zachary — whose Instagram bio describes him as “Papa to our two wonderful boys” and an “activist” — invited him “multiple times” to take part in sexually abusing the boys, Townhall reported." HOMOSEXUALITY AND PEDOPHILIA: Homosexuality and Child Sexual Abuse (LINK) ***"***Homosexuals are overrepresented in child sex offenses: Individuals from the 1 to 3 percent of the population that is sexually attracted to the same sex are committing up to one-third of the sex crimes against children. Homosexual Pedophiles are Vastly Overrepresented in Child Sex Abuse Cases Homosexual pedophiles sexually molest children at a far greater rate compared to the percentage of homosexuals in the general population. A study in the Journal of Sex Research found, as we have noted above, that “approximately one-third of [child sex offenders] had victimized boys and two-thirds had victimized girls.” The authors then make a prescient observation: “Interestingly, this ratio differs substantially from the ratio of gynephiles (men who erotically prefer physically mature females) to androphiles (men who erotically prefer physically mature males), which is at least 20 to 1.”[17] In other words, although heterosexuals outnumber homosexuals by a ratio of at least 20 to 1, homosexual pedophiles commit about one-third of the total number of child sex offenses. Similarly, the Archives of Sexual Behavior also noted that homosexual pedophiles are significantly overrepresented in child sex offence cases: The best epidemiological evidence indicates that only 2 to 4 percent of men attracted to adults prefer men (ACSF Investigators, 1992; Billy et al.,1993; Fay et al.,1989; Johnson et al.,1992); in contrast, around 25 to 40 percent of men attracted to children prefer boys (Blanchard et al.,1999; Gebhard et al.,1965; Mohr et al.,1964). Thus, the rate of homosexual attraction is 6 to 20 times higher among pedophiles.” PEDOPHILIA AND PARASITES: Parasite Pill 2.0 https://archive.org/details/parasite-pill-2.0 For those who really want to do some serious research, there's an 181 page document titled Parasite Pill (version) 2.0 which goes in depth about a theory that pedophilia may be linked to a mind controlled parasite such as toxoplasmosis. And that the parasite basically has a better chance of survival when infected into a younger victim with a still developing immune system. Plus the parasite breeds within the intestines. So it's theorized that this is why sodomy with children may be preferred by the parasite for reproduction. Also it's speculated that essentially the parasitic elites are LITERALLY PARASITES, as they are being mind controlled by brain parasites and this is why they all engage in sodomy with one another. The initiation ritual of being sodomized by all the upper ranking Illuminati members may also serve the purpose of ensuring that the cult's respective parasites are all passed on effectively to new recruits. Oh yeah, and the real reason they don't want anyone taking Ivermectin is because it destroys the parasites which are our secret masters. https://preview.redd.it/3g7a1jrbwq0d1.png?width=653&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce403537c123741bbd259b0a4be215695e7966cb CISGENDER? SIS, YOU'RE SIC(K) AND A SISSY: Elon Musk’s X now treats the term ‘cisgender’ as a slur on the platform (LINK) On June 20 2023, Elon Musk tweeted out that the term "cisgender" would now be treated as a slur on Twitter / X. On May 15th 2024, this promise was made into a reality. Attempting to post with the word "cis" or "cisgender" results in the user being given a warning and the option to delete the tweet. This event today was what got me to finally sit down and pump out this post which has been sitting in my brain simmering for years. This also made me think about the real meaning of the term "Cis" which basically means "Normal" or "Same Gender As Assigned At Birth". "Cis" is pronounced the same as "Sis" (Sister), and can be expanded to "Cissy" / "Sissy" (Wimp). Also, "Cis" backwards is "Sic" or "Sick". So basically when you're called "Cis" gender, you're being called a woman, a wimp, and sick, all because you chose to remain a heterosexual during this assault on what it means to be a human. "Cis" is a CIA Tavistock style social engineering term which is meant to discourage you from being straight, and it's trying to bully you into the LGBTQ lifestyle (or is that "death style" since they don't reproduce?). "Cis" is an abnormal and weaponized term which was created to make what's natural seem unnatural, and to make what's normal sound abnormal. I would argue terms "gender normative" and "breeders" are also similar weaponized social engineering terms meant to covertly psychologically wage warfare against heterosexuality. GET THEM WHILE THEY'RE YOUNG: A recent study of 139 dysphoric male children who were monitored from age 7 up until age 20 showed that 87.8 percent of the boys grew out of this phase and reverted back to identifying as their birth gender by the time they were adults. And in other related news, a couple in Montana have claimed that the Montana CFS (Child and Family Services) have taken custody of their 14 year old daughter for refusing her gender affirming care. So now does it make sense why The Illuminati has to "get them while they're young"? Does it make sense why The Illuminati is pumping out so much gender confusion and LGBTQ propaganda into the brains of young and impressionable minds? It's because they are DELIBERATELY confusing children about their gender, and while they're still young and impressionable, they seek to prey on their confusion by pushing them to "change their gender" AKA mutilate their genitals, which is an irreversible procedure. Also, the powers that be are setting the precedent that parents who are not being "inclusive" and "open minded" by letting their children mutilate their genitals, that the state can then physically repossess your child from you, by saying it's CHILD ABUSE that you won't let them MUTILATE THEIR GENITALS. The Luciferians seek to reverse all that is natural, and they want us all to be like their demon god Baphomet. They are coming for your kids, and you'd better push back. Vast Majority of Gender Dysphoric Boys Desist, Long-Term Study Finds (LINK) *"*A long-term follow-up of male children with gender dysphoria has found that most study participants desisted over time and accepted themselves as boys. The groundbreaking study used the largest sample to date of boys referred to clinics for gender dysphoria. “A Follow-Up Study of Boys With Gender Identity Disorder” was published in the peer-viewed journal Frontiers in Psychology, and the research protocol was reviewed and approved by Clarke Institute of Psychiatry (now the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health) and the University of Toronto. Study participants were 139 male children assessed in the Gender Identity Service, Child, Youth, and Family Program at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) in Toronto between 1975 and 2009. 63.3% of the boys met DSM-III, III-R, or IV criteria for gender identity disorder (GID), while the rest of the 36.7% were subthreshold for a DSM diagnosis. Researchers first assessed the children at approximately age 7, following up with participants when they reached adolescence and again in early adulthood. At follow-up, researchers classified participants as persisters (which the study defines as “boys who continued to have gender dysphoria”) or desisters (boys who did not continue to have gender dysphoria), and deduced their sexual orientation based on fantasy and behavior. Researchers found that 17 (12.2%) of the participants persisted in their gender dysphoria, and the remaining 122 (87.8%) desisted." Montana parents say they lost custody of daughter after opposing 14-year-old’s gender transition: report (LINK) "Montana family claims they lost custody of their 14-year-old child after opposing her interest in changing genders — and while the governor’s office defended the move, it stressed to The Post that the state does not remove minors to provide gender transition services. The state’s Child and Family Services (CFS) reportedly took custody of the teen from her father, Todd Kolstad, and stepmother, Krista, this month, leading the parents to speak out about how the action has “destroyed” their family and “trampled” their rights. They showed up at our home to serve us with papers to take Jennifer out of our care,” Kolstad alleged. “They told me the reason was that we were ‘unable or refusing to provide medical care.’ That’s just not true.” Jennifer returned in September to a Montana youth facility, where she remains. Earlier this month, a court put the teen in the custody of CFS, Reduxx reported. “We were told that letting Jennifer transition and live as a boy was in her ‘therapeutic best interest’ and because we aren’t willing to follow that recommendation, the court gave CFS custody of Jennifer for six months,” Kolstad told the outlet." AUTISM, TRANSGENDERISM AND TRANSHUMANISM: Transgender and nonbinary people are up to six times more likely to have autism (LINK) This article title really says it all. There's a clear link between autism and transgenderism. So now does it make sense why autism is deliberately created via aluminum in the vaccines and in deodorant, chemtrails, etc? Autism also makes a person more compatible with Artificial Intelligence according to a book called The Autism Epidemic: Transhumanism's Dirty Little Secret (LINK). Supposedly the type of brainwaves produced by an autistic brain are more similar to how Artificial Intelligence processes data than a normal brain. Basically the endgoal of the entire Illuminati LGBTQ and transgender agenda is transhumanism, which is the merging of humans with technology. Part of that agenda ties into transgenderism since if they can get you to mutilate your genitals and get you to change your whole gender identity, then getting you to put a neural chip implant in your head isn't much further to go. The endgoal of the New World Order is to turn you into a gay genderless cyborg who is completely mind controlled by brain microchips. This is why when you choose to support the woke agendas and official narratives, that you're literally choosing The Matrix, because merging us with machines, mind controlling us and creating a completely false reality in our heads is exactly where the woke rabbit hole leads. CONCLUSION: "We're here, we're queer, get used to it". We did get used to it. And then we let you legalize Gay Marriage, but still you wouldn't stop pushing us. So how far does the Satanic LGBTQ agenda have to push us before they will leave us alone? Well, they aren't planning on leaving us alone. LGBTQ is a major component of the New World Order. The end goal of LGBTQ is to openly normalize pedophilia, incest, bestiality, and all other sexual perversions since this is what "The Aristocrats" (The Illuminati families) actually take part in themselves. And they bully us into compliance by using terms like "Inclusive" and "Tolerance", which are weaponized social engineering terms that are used to beat us into submission of their depraved agendas. You're no longer straight or heterosexual, you're now "Cis" (Sis/Sick/Sissy), "Gender Normative" and a "Breeder". The Illuminati has made it a thoughtcrime for any person to remain straight and normal in this times of great deceit. Is it any wonder then that nearly 30 percent of all Generation Z adults now identify as LGBTQ? (LINK) This post is the culmination of my years of research on multiple topics which all tie into pedophilia, LGBTQ, transgenderism, autism, transhumanism, and the New World Order. I hereby pass onto you all the knowledge I currently possess about this agenda, and I hope that you will consider it from a logical perspective and utilize it appropriately. By the way, I do not have a problem with gay or transgender people whatsoever so long as they would just please leave the children alone. They're just children and they're young and easily impressionable by LGBTQ gender confusion propaganda. Let them be kids, and if they still want gender affirming care when they're 18, then they are legally adults and are able to make that decision themselves. Stop encouraging children to make irreversible permanent alterations to their body just to serve an agenda of "inclusiveness" and "tolerance". Also, this goes without saying, and it goes to all people not just LGBTQ: stop sexually abusing children. This is the most unnatural sexual depravity you can possibly take part in. You're destroying innocence and you're destroying lives. And you're just continuing the cycle of abuse, since it does appear that many pedophiles were also sexually abused when they were children (Jeffrey Epstein got really uncomfortable and refused to answer when he was asked about his own sexual abuse as a child). Finally, I will again reiterate that there's no problem with being gay, lesbian, bisexual, non binary, transgender, etc. However, the specific group called LGBTQ is an extremist organization of The Illuminati which is pushing Satanic agendas as part of the New World Order. I recommend that no matter how you identify yourself, that you are able to identify a predatory social engineering mind control agenda for what it is. |
2024.05.19 09:20 Dapper_Job_8712 Akarui and Maruchi + How Akarui came to be
 | "Come on Akarui Nee Chan! Let's strike up a pose for the manga cover" submitted by Dapper_Job_8712 to 100Fanojo [link] [comments] "Alright Kao Chan, but is it really necessary to copy my pose? (Also this doesn't look like we'll fit in the cover, our illustration is too big. What was the illustrator even thinking when drawing us?)" (Adding to the lore, Akarui and Maruchi are cousins) Part 1: Beginnings It kind of all started obviously with the Azumi craze happening. At first I was just one of those people looking at the new OCs being made until the day Reika came out. The design looked very cool and even her personality. It was when at that moment I decided to join in on the fun to share my idea. Keep in mind though that in fact I'm actually not an artist, I'm just you typical gamer who plays games like Honkai Star Rail everyday so technically my drawing was wasn't really perfect to say the least. I drew Akarui on my yellow pad that I use for school since I don't use it very often. I don't have a big notebook to draw the design but at least the drawing turned out good. For the design, I had to look at google for references like a body pose, hair, etc. For Akarui's eyes, I actually took Hakari's eyes as reference to at least try my best to get that 100 gf like eye shape. I wanted to give her a jacket to give that manga artist feel. I kind of thought of giving her glasses but decided that it would be an accessory for her instead. I decided Akarui's hair color would be orange and pink while coloring the drawing. Originally I had other colors combos in mind like red and orange to make it similar to my social media profile picture but it felt bland. The same thing applies to black and green hair because it would just blend in either her jacket which I didn't want. When moving on over to digital, the program I use is simply Microsoft paint since I'm not really skilled when it comes to other art programs; needless to say it still worked out great in the end. Miu Amano from Blend S was the basis for Akarui's personality. I really liked how Miu would just come up with ideas for her doujin just by observing odd situations. Considering that we don't have a manga artist gf yet, I wanted to implement Miu Amano's personality onto Akarui but make it family friendly. There's also some hints of Rin in Akarui with the whole being embarrassed after doing something weird shtick. Akarui's name means "Bright Mind". I named her like that because with her personality being all about coming up with ideas just by observation, I think of it as having a bright mind. There's one part of her personality which I based off from my own personality, and that's being a procrastinator; one thing I changed though about that is her getting low scores, I in the other get decent scores in tests. Another personality of mine which I projected onto her is my dislike for long hair because I'm not a fan of having bangs. When thinking of her school year, I was debating whether she'd be a 1st year or 2nd year in high school. I ended up with 1st year because I believe she would get along well with Kiki. Fun fact, all of Akarui's lore I came up with it during my break times in school. I have to admit though, if there was one thing I would change with the lore it would be adding more of her personality onto the story. My original plan for the intro was to somehow have Akarui and Rentarou do something related to Akarui's personality but then I ended up not including it because I wanted the intro to be just simple considering that I'm not good in storytelling. The ending felt kind of eh for me because I couldn't come up with some funny banter between Rentarou and Akarui like it always has been in many of the official gf chapters. Who knows if I'm ever going to do some adjustments to the intro one day but maybe time will tell. |
2024.05.19 09:15 Agneus [Online] [5e] [18+] [GMT+1] Virtues of Essence - Roleplay Focused Mystery and Lore Driven Forgotten Realms Campaign seeking a replacement player
“What defines virtue and how are we to gauge it? An inquiry that reverberates through epochs, its answer as fickle and capricious as the fates of those who deem to ask it. Duty, honor, justice - many over the ages would name these virtues, the conduits through which noble intentions find expression. Yet, as the battlefield of beliefs unfolds, a legion emerges, each as sworn to these principles as to obliterating all who would dare stake alike claim. Thus, battles rage and wars are waged and, in the end, those who are left are no more right than those fell by the blade. Alas, it is the victors whose ideals are etched into monuments for posterity. Except even words chiseled in unyielding stone are fated to fade in time. So is the wicked cycle destined to repeat in all its futility, its ephemeral prize seized again, only to be lost and sought anew. Try and picture, if for but a moment, a world where our rulers paused to reflect on the lessons of yore. They, too, would discern the elixir that enables one to escape the confines of memory—the very burden our fleeting nature forbids us to carry. Progress and evolution. Adaptability and transcendence. Everlasting and yet not stagnant, irrefutable, and yet fluid, these are the only true virtues. Thus, must we ever venture into the uncharted and unfamiliar for only from these unexplored domains may the truly virtuous arise.”
Where: Discord (Video and Voice) + FoundryVTT
When: every Saturday 5 - 9/10 pm GMT+1 (CET), 11 am - 3/4 pm EST
Who: party of 4 players and a DM seeking one extra player
Updates: Recruitment updates will be posted here.
Hello there and well met! If you’ve made it past the flavor text (or skipped it) and through the basic info (hopefully didnt skip past that one) you might very well be at the right address! Without further ado onto the post.
As implied by the post title, this is an ongoing campaign (we are 12 sessions in at the time of this post). Due to some irl commitments weve recently dropped a player and are looking to replace them.
As the title suggests, this is a roleplay focused mystery/lore driven campaign. Expect an overreaching plot with ample secrets to uncover, conspiracies to unravel and eldritch truths to unearth. The first word of the password is "Doth". On the same level of importance or more important even be that the players preference, there is a variety of subplots to engage with, from small and goofy and random to ones rivaling the main story arc in complexity and variance. Among these, individual character story arcs play a leading role, at times seamlessly intertwined with the current focus of the party, at times separate and independent.
As was already mentioned and is further described below, this is a roleplay focused campaign and a roleplay heavy game. This means that roleplay exists as a unifying concept for all other aspects of the game including exploration, combat, and puzzles. That said DnD is only DnD with all three of its main pillars intact and this campaign is no exception in that regard. I very much enjoy the mechanical side of the game as well besides roleplay and so things like multiphase boss fights and custom magic items are definitely on the table.
I would describe my DMing style as driven, realistic, and involved but also very conscious about player agency and collaborative storytelling as core values that make TTRPGs so popular and unique. I spend a lot of time ensuring the worlds I create and the stories I want to tell feel alive. From hand-picked music, to fully voiced NPCs and scenic descriptions designed to breathe life into the campaign setting I daresay my games rival in quality those of the professional DMs that charge for each session.
There is a drawback to this all however. Second word of the password is "thy". I expect a lot from my players as well. Writing a story in DnD is not a one person job. It takes a collective effort of the entire group to create something truly unique, something that one can be proud while looking forward to each session. Unwinding and letting off steam means something else for everyone. For me it means losing myself in the creative process of roleplaying an NPC or describing a scene, watching my players masterfully portray their own characters or having the party derail my plans in an awesome unforeseen and unexpectedly enriching way. If you find yourself in any of what I just described than this may be a game for you. If you don’t, that’s fine. This is definitely not a game for everyone.
When it comes to setting of the campaign in the world of Faerun I have once again made a somewhat traditional pick and decided to place the onset of the game onto the Sword Coast, more precisely into the city of Waterdeep. If one of the key upsides of Forgotten Realms is diversity of content, Waterdeep is one of the best representations of this. Being the largest settlement on the known Faerun, Waterdeep offers nigh limitless options in terms of main story arc genre, character creation and character backstory implementation. It has everything every large TTRPG settlement ought to have (fickle upper class, enigmatic factions, quaint taverns and extravagant nightclubs, always in bad mood city watch, a castle and a harbor) as well as few pretty original ideas such as colossal definitely not alive statues, a city council where even its members don’t know each other’s identity and a massive dungeon right underneath the city where you can literally fall right from a tavern taproom.
In case you are wondering, while this campagn takes place primarily in the city of Waterdeep itself, there is nothing stopping the players from exploring past the city if they so choose. The final word of the password is "crack?". Different parts of the main plot and various subplots can and will encourage the party to explore Waterdeep environs and sometimes even further.
https://forms.gle/5kc4RbwavJPfT8PD9
______________________________________
PS: As a part of the questionnaire, you will be asked to submit a short piece of your narrative writing in a form of a google doc link (not a custom piece of writing, any relevant past one you have will do). Maybe best have that ready beforehand? On that note, dont apply for the game with a detailed backstory of a character you want to play that you arent willing to adapt to the conditions of the setting/campaign.
PSS: Not to discourage you but if you do make it through the questionnaire and into the second group of applicants you will be asked to do a discord interview with your webcam turned on. I am asking you to go through a lot for a game you might not even end up liking I know, but if you do end up liking it, all this effort will be well worth it as I am sure my other players would agree.
submitted by Agneus to lfg [link] [comments]
Where: Discord (Video and Voice) + FoundryVTT
When: every Saturday 5 - 9/10 pm GMT+1 (CET), 11 am - 3/4 pm EST
Who: party of 4 players and a DM seeking one extra player
Updates: Recruitment updates will be posted here.
Hello there and well met! If you’ve made it past the flavor text (or skipped it) and through the basic info (hopefully didnt skip past that one) you might very well be at the right address! Without further ado onto the post.
🐲The campaign🐲
Having only just recovered from the Second Sundering and the War of the Silver Marches, the North had been ravaged by a whole new set of tumultuous events - the rise of the Cult of the Dragon and that of the Absolute, the Fall of Eltruel and the short reign of the beholder crime lord Xanathar just some among them. After a brief respite from the twisted and the unnatural the clouds once more begin to gather. Along the Long Road, whole hosts of wild beasts and monsters have been accosting travelers seemingly at random and in the grand metropolis of Waterdeep a sudden rise in crime seems to coincide with strange events passing unnoticed beneath the surface. Amidst all this, in spring of 1493 DR, a party of adventurers delves into a mystery of enchanted gemstones being utilized to nefarious ends by unknown perpetrators all the while navigating the labyrinthine twists of city faction politics.As implied by the post title, this is an ongoing campaign (we are 12 sessions in at the time of this post). Due to some irl commitments weve recently dropped a player and are looking to replace them.
As the title suggests, this is a roleplay focused mystery/lore driven campaign. Expect an overreaching plot with ample secrets to uncover, conspiracies to unravel and eldritch truths to unearth. The first word of the password is "Doth". On the same level of importance or more important even be that the players preference, there is a variety of subplots to engage with, from small and goofy and random to ones rivaling the main story arc in complexity and variance. Among these, individual character story arcs play a leading role, at times seamlessly intertwined with the current focus of the party, at times separate and independent.
As was already mentioned and is further described below, this is a roleplay focused campaign and a roleplay heavy game. This means that roleplay exists as a unifying concept for all other aspects of the game including exploration, combat, and puzzles. That said DnD is only DnD with all three of its main pillars intact and this campaign is no exception in that regard. I very much enjoy the mechanical side of the game as well besides roleplay and so things like multiphase boss fights and custom magic items are definitely on the table.
🧙♂️The DM🧙♂️
Hello there, Jay here, 25 yo law student from Central Europe currently working on finishing his master’s degree, trying to stay afloat in the current lease market. I study and work in a law firm by day and DM or play DnD by night (more like evening but night sounded cooler). I have been a big fan of TTRPGs since my early teens and of online DnD for the past five years. I’ve DMed multiple campaigns, finished CoS not least among them and I currently play in a long-term campaign. Before you ask, yes, my schedule is strained but not to the point I am unable to engage with my hobbies.I would describe my DMing style as driven, realistic, and involved but also very conscious about player agency and collaborative storytelling as core values that make TTRPGs so popular and unique. I spend a lot of time ensuring the worlds I create and the stories I want to tell feel alive. From hand-picked music, to fully voiced NPCs and scenic descriptions designed to breathe life into the campaign setting I daresay my games rival in quality those of the professional DMs that charge for each session.
There is a drawback to this all however. Second word of the password is "thy". I expect a lot from my players as well. Writing a story in DnD is not a one person job. It takes a collective effort of the entire group to create something truly unique, something that one can be proud while looking forward to each session. Unwinding and letting off steam means something else for everyone. For me it means losing myself in the creative process of roleplaying an NPC or describing a scene, watching my players masterfully portray their own characters or having the party derail my plans in an awesome unforeseen and unexpectedly enriching way. If you find yourself in any of what I just described than this may be a game for you. If you don’t, that’s fine. This is definitely not a game for everyone.
🏰The setting🏰
Forgotten Realms is a default setting of Dungeons and Dragons but it is anything but boring and mundane. With now decades worth of lore behind it, it offers an unparalleled opportunity for anyone wanting to build on solid foundations to bring their ideas to life. While it has garnered a lot of attention lately with the release of a certain videogame (more people now know Astarion than a good amount of Hollywood celebrities I’d say) it has had its loyal following even before then, being constantly expanded and living its own life in a host of both online and home games. It’s been a natural choice of mine for a while now and not once have I had any regrets. The third word of the password is "mirror". I feel with how great of a variety of content the Forgotten Realms offer everybody is able to pick something that suits their creative vision. In summary the Forgotten Realms almost feel like a real place with how much worldbuilding has been done with them and offer a diversity of content few other TTRPG settings can boast.When it comes to setting of the campaign in the world of Faerun I have once again made a somewhat traditional pick and decided to place the onset of the game onto the Sword Coast, more precisely into the city of Waterdeep. If one of the key upsides of Forgotten Realms is diversity of content, Waterdeep is one of the best representations of this. Being the largest settlement on the known Faerun, Waterdeep offers nigh limitless options in terms of main story arc genre, character creation and character backstory implementation. It has everything every large TTRPG settlement ought to have (fickle upper class, enigmatic factions, quaint taverns and extravagant nightclubs, always in bad mood city watch, a castle and a harbor) as well as few pretty original ideas such as colossal definitely not alive statues, a city council where even its members don’t know each other’s identity and a massive dungeon right underneath the city where you can literally fall right from a tavern taproom.
In case you are wondering, while this campagn takes place primarily in the city of Waterdeep itself, there is nothing stopping the players from exploring past the city if they so choose. The final word of the password is "crack?". Different parts of the main plot and various subplots can and will encourage the party to explore Waterdeep environs and sometimes even further.
📃The requirements📃
No exceptions here. Unless otherwise stated, the requirements must be met at the time of application.- to apply you need to be 20+ yo
- you need a functioning webcam (at the time of application) and a stable internet connection - we will be using both video and voice on discord and as a general rule Wifi doesn’t handle long video calls well (believe me when I say I speak from experience) so cable or other similar form of stable connection is strongly encouraged
- you need a Discord account and you will need a Forge account - Forge is a hosting service for Foundry, don’t worry, you won’t need to input any personal info (besides maybe an email) to register and I will be footing the bill
- you need a PC that can and will run Foundry Virtual Tabletop - check the minimum requirements on the Foundry website, a fair warning, Foundry won’t run on tablets and phones (not that you should consider those in the first place)
- you need at least an elementary knowledge of Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition - when it comes to the awareness of the rules, I won’t be too harsh, but definitely don’t apply if the first time you’ve seen the PHB was a week ago
- you need TTRPG/roleplay experience and/or a very strong roleplay inclination - this is a heavy roleplay game where most if not all ingame talk will be done in character and where you will be expected to voice your character in a way that is distinct from your standard voice
- you will need to be very punctual when it comes to session attendance - I expect my players to attend most if not all sessions, online or not, this campaign is a designed as a longterm commitment and by applying you are acknowledging this, having other hobbies and time-consuming real-life obligations is understandable (I got those too) but those 4-5 hours you will be expected to set aside for the session
🙋♂️How to sign up🙋♀️
Youve made it all the way to the end of this long post. Congratulations. Or maybe you’ve skipped all the way to the end. In that case I strongly recommended you go back. If not to learn what you are applying for than to make sure you haven’t missed something very important. Now if you are confident that you have what it takes and that this is a game that you could have a lot of fun with, please fill the below attached google questionnaire (if for any strange reason the link doesn’t end up working, please let me know in the comments under this post) and if fortune favors you, I shall get back to you promptly. Best of luck to you and I hope to speak to you soon!https://forms.gle/5kc4RbwavJPfT8PD9
______________________________________
PS: As a part of the questionnaire, you will be asked to submit a short piece of your narrative writing in a form of a google doc link (not a custom piece of writing, any relevant past one you have will do). Maybe best have that ready beforehand? On that note, dont apply for the game with a detailed backstory of a character you want to play that you arent willing to adapt to the conditions of the setting/campaign.
PSS: Not to discourage you but if you do make it through the questionnaire and into the second group of applicants you will be asked to do a discord interview with your webcam turned on. I am asking you to go through a lot for a game you might not even end up liking I know, but if you do end up liking it, all this effort will be well worth it as I am sure my other players would agree.
2024.05.19 09:13 SnooDrawings8632 Understanding Roles and Responsibilities of each person in your case. How does the injured worker know where to get the correct information? What to do with contradictory information? What if the person you're supposed to talk to is unresponsive?
Besides the questions in the title I tired to elaborate a little and also each question(s) has two, a. and b. sections. Section a. is meant for sort of a broad understanding. Section b. is my personal, specific case example (active claim, CA ~10 months).
I'm sure who you'll see will depend on state law, your injury, among other things. Regardless of who you see, more importantly: How do we (the injured worker) know if who we've been assigned to is doing their job correctly or just having an off day, since we know it's not required to have good bedside manner, what are they required by definition AND law? That said:
Ending note: There is so many more examples I could give which to me paint a picture of neglect. From what I can tell, I either already signed my rights away or it's just not worth the fight. I don't even want to fight, or believed there would be a reason for a disagreement due to my injury but since that bubble of disillusionment has popped, how can I reproach getting the best medical treatment. I was lead to believe that after seeing a specialist I would have the option to get a second opinion before the QME. I haven't even seen the first specialist (I was sent to an office with a specialist in it, but the person I saw was just a family practitioner).and since both my doctor and my adjutor are not helping ---Who the fuck do I talk to?
submitted by SnooDrawings8632 to WorkersComp [link] [comments]
I'm sure who you'll see will depend on state law, your injury, among other things. Regardless of who you see, more importantly: How do we (the injured worker) know if who we've been assigned to is doing their job correctly or just having an off day, since we know it's not required to have good bedside manner, what are they required by definition AND law? That said:
1a. Despite case by case variations; who are personnel that everyone will see no matter what? What should you expect from them, and is there more they can do...but only if you know how to ask? I'm imagining a knowledgeable answer would be a long list of all the possible outcomes within the maximum allowed in WC, but probably more helpful is to address the most common. A small list may only include a companies HR, Claims adjustor, and an Occupational Health doctor for example. Then continuing the list after those essential people is there typically a usual process where if once your case goes for a certain amount of time or ______ happens, you could expect to meet these ______ job title? I'm hoping to help other people at least have an idea of what to expect out of said people.
1b. TLDR: Here's one of the biggest examples of not knowing who to talk to and whether that information is correct. I have not been given crucial test results from 3 months ago. Original test (Neuropathy) doc said to get my results from my doctor, who sends me to therapist, who sends me back to doctor, my adjustor says doctor, doctor sends me to "Specialist", turns out not specialist, who sends me back to my doctor...ummmm....WTF do I do at my next doctors visits in a few days??
1b (cont.) It has come to my attention that I'm completely unaware of exactly what a large majority of the people I've been assigned to see do. In fact, in what capacity do I "have to see them"? Can I request a swap, or how do I make a complaint? I have been MORE than patient, and I've given the benefit of the doubt for so long that I can no longer accept being passed along. I'm already back where I started, for the 3rd time. Uh...so, besides just wanting information for myself, I'd think the test results should help me heal. I've been denied more treatments (Appeal's denied too) where I'd think that those test results could play a crucial role. Where once I thought there has there been a miscommunication, now feels like I'm in an echo chamber, or worse. This is quite alarming as it also shines light into the fact that I am also unaware of how "my doctor" can best help me, if at all. "My doctor", the one I'm required to see at Occupational Health, (I'm told I not allowed to see my family doctor) doesn't seem to do anything other than fill out the "Return to work form". Is that correct? How would I know?? They seem to just write whatever I tell them. Similarly the same goes for what treatments I've gotten. Best I can tell, there is no indication they have reviewed any of the information from other doctors and therapists. It's now going on 3 months where I haven't been given test results.
Unfortunately it's not just my doctor who I'm not getting information from. "Generic Adjustor" Enters the chat. or maybe not, because to top off the confusion, I can't get ahold of my adjustor who so far been the one steering me into the .... direction. Unfortunately I believe I'm waking up too late. I've called multiple times a day for a week straight while leaving messages and follow up emails noting that I've called. They do respond to email, which usually consists of one line stating something like "call anytime, I'll be in the office all week".. Funny thing is I'm not sure what exactly they are even supposed to do or bare minimum required to do. Even when I get ahold of them, I'm questioning if I can even trust them. I'm not saying "it's conspiracy". However due to the most recent info I've gotten, I do think the run around could be very deliberate play. How do I know if they're simply bad at their job or leaving me in the dark. It sure feels like it's purposeful. This all came to a head when after reviewing our last few emails, I see a pattern where they only respond to some of the questions, and even have given verifiably incorrect, contradictory information. How do I check these facts? Should I talk to a supervisor? Is there a system to check and balance these things? Who do I talk to? It all came to a head when I opened mail to find: Request of QME with the reason being "Objection to Primary Treating Physician's determination regarding temporary disability, permanent disability, or the need for future medical care." Aggravating but I'm sure they followed the (rules I was unaware of) book. It's questions like this that have me really, really upset: What is even meant by "Objection to Primary Treating Physician's determination"? 1. Quick sidebar - is that decision made by the "my doctor" that I described earlier - or the "Provider"? > Meaning, those two terms have been used interchangeably, and I fear that, and why I used quotes for "my doctor" earlier, I'm wondering if this other name (who happens to be another doctor at the Occupational Health office) a person I have never met let alone seen is the one calling the shots. Either way I'm pretty worried. 2. Here is another example which shows only a part of the circle of "who do I talk to". Here is a quote from my adjustor 10 days after the letter had been officiated, but before I got it states "you have not seen a specialist, attended a QME, or have a clear treatment plan defined by your primary treating physician.". Am I wrong to have read that to believe I'd still be seeing a specialist? Doesn't it read that the information the specialist decides would be what determines the next step? Isn't it safe to say that by month 10 I'd have a treatment plan --of course unless your not privy to your own test results?Ending note: There is so many more examples I could give which to me paint a picture of neglect. From what I can tell, I either already signed my rights away or it's just not worth the fight. I don't even want to fight, or believed there would be a reason for a disagreement due to my injury but since that bubble of disillusionment has popped, how can I reproach getting the best medical treatment. I was lead to believe that after seeing a specialist I would have the option to get a second opinion before the QME. I haven't even seen the first specialist (I was sent to an office with a specialist in it, but the person I saw was just a family practitioner).and since both my doctor and my adjutor are not helping ---Who the fuck do I talk to?
2024.05.19 09:13 Equivalent-Spend-322 My dad is dating one of his students
I think I’m going to be sick and I don’t know who else to talk to about this so I’m sharing it here.
My (21F) father (50M) is a senior high school teacher. So he mostly teaches 11th and 12th graders. Recently he’s been acting really strange like hiding his phone and going out randomly in the day. This is weird bc he’s mostly a home body and he always tells us that we’re “free to check his phone because he has nothing to hide”. He and my mom (48F) have been separated for a long time as my mom works out of country. My dad has a girlfriend (F29) who he’s been with since he and my mom split about a few years ago. However, they haven’t been able to see each other in 2 years because she also lives and works far away from us.
My brother (18M) and I were looking at something our dad wanted to show us on his laptop when he suddenly got a call. It was from one of his students, let’s call her R (18F). We could tell from the caller ID. When he left to take the call we wanted to search something up so we opened his Google chrome. His Facebook was open and we could see his chat with R. She sent him selfies of herself and told him she loved him. He replied back saying he loved her and wished he hugged her longer when they were together yesterday. He also said that he couldn’t stop thinking about how they kissed.
I want to throw up. I have never felt more sick to my stomach. My brother wants us to talk to our dad before telling our mom about it. He thinks our dad is going through a horrible mid life crisis. We both feel like crying and my brother was shaking as he spoke to me. We’ve taken pictures of their conversation to use as proof later. I know it was wrong to snoop but this is disgusting and I can’t stand by it. I feel like this isn’t real and I’m living in a dream
submitted by Equivalent-Spend-322 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
My (21F) father (50M) is a senior high school teacher. So he mostly teaches 11th and 12th graders. Recently he’s been acting really strange like hiding his phone and going out randomly in the day. This is weird bc he’s mostly a home body and he always tells us that we’re “free to check his phone because he has nothing to hide”. He and my mom (48F) have been separated for a long time as my mom works out of country. My dad has a girlfriend (F29) who he’s been with since he and my mom split about a few years ago. However, they haven’t been able to see each other in 2 years because she also lives and works far away from us.
My brother (18M) and I were looking at something our dad wanted to show us on his laptop when he suddenly got a call. It was from one of his students, let’s call her R (18F). We could tell from the caller ID. When he left to take the call we wanted to search something up so we opened his Google chrome. His Facebook was open and we could see his chat with R. She sent him selfies of herself and told him she loved him. He replied back saying he loved her and wished he hugged her longer when they were together yesterday. He also said that he couldn’t stop thinking about how they kissed.
I want to throw up. I have never felt more sick to my stomach. My brother wants us to talk to our dad before telling our mom about it. He thinks our dad is going through a horrible mid life crisis. We both feel like crying and my brother was shaking as he spoke to me. We’ve taken pictures of their conversation to use as proof later. I know it was wrong to snoop but this is disgusting and I can’t stand by it. I feel like this isn’t real and I’m living in a dream
2024.05.19 09:12 Feeling_Glass_2445 Hacked Account that changed the login credentials and basically made me locked out of my account.
I have a facebook account that I didn't use often, I only access it a few times a year. Someone has gotten hold of my account and used it regularly, that prompted facebook to recognize the device used as a device I normally would use. Then the hacker changed the login credentials, removed my number from it basically locking me out of my account. How do I recover this account as the user may have used the account for his/her own agenda with my name in it. Or if it is not possible, then what steps can I take to delete the account. I basically have no access in it. I'm not aware that my account was hacked because 2 factor authentication is disabled. I only discovered I was hacked today, the last time I use the account was last November 2023.
TLDR: A hacker locked me out of my own account, changed the login credentials. What can I do to recover it, if not atleast what can I do to delete this.
submitted by Feeling_Glass_2445 to facebook [link] [comments]
TLDR: A hacker locked me out of my own account, changed the login credentials. What can I do to recover it, if not atleast what can I do to delete this.
2024.05.19 09:09 SuspiciousSquash9151 Extreme tech illiteracy, no willingness to learn, and having the personality of an ass isn't going to make you popular here.
I work out of a branch with too much everything (the downtown site of a city with a lot of homeless, mental health, and drug abuse issues) a summary is here: https://www.reddit.com/Libraries/comments/1bho810/tales_from_a_downtown_library/
A new regular however has been the source of the topic recently.
an older man who is probably around 80 has been in at least twice a week for the last month, he's actually kind of hard to write out due to most of the interactions I know are short, frustrating, and mostly nonsense, but my first experience with him dose a decent job:
He comes to my basement-level reference area where I mostly am alone, requesting tech assistance and the use of a public computer, immediately there are some pretty interesting quirks some age-related like blatantly ignoring instructions, typing o's instead of #0, seemingly forgetting very common applications, swiping at the screen like it's an iPad and the other issue:
He's trying to get information from his bank account, the library has a strict policy that I agree with that once we are on the main page of the bank's website we do not go any further with them, I have nothing to do with login going through the site whatever is needed because it's a huge liability and none of our business.
He has no idea how online banking works and I think doesn't understand online accounts at all (despite having an email and Facebook that's been shown in later interactions) and thinks if you type name and card number into separate boxes it will magically give you all banking information including air miles what he wanted again I should not know this he announced to me and anyone in the room, so good forbid someone with malicious intent help him in a public branch well know to have issues.
another patron comes for my assistance and she's kind of intense as well, this is now already burning me out between the two, and when he's up here again hovering at the front nose practically pressed to the glass the only thing separating us in an obvious attempt to get the most attention and quickly (like I'm dealing with a toddler that doesn't want to wait until you finish a phone call) I am shorter than before stating there are other patron's I need to serve as well he is not first in line now, the response is very childish and rudder muttering under his breath for while I'm still working with her that her question isn't important and not worth the time., she's more patient after that defending your right to service will do that for some.
the same bs continues and we get nowhere because he literally can't get anywhere without another pretty much taking the mouse and doing it, to the shock of no one hes been scammed badly before, and get this won't call the bank to get information because they ask too Meany questions for personal information and cannot understand they are the one place that should.
I am over it and get my coworker so I dont scream, he's the one who runs Makerspace and is very techy and tries in vain to explain sometimes a different person with a slightly different way helps it dose not worse. I have had 2 tech issues experiences I've called someone else to handle or lose it on a patron the first took nearly 50 minutes this guy took 15.
hes has since been in several times and is worse in a way something is wrong mainly suspected dementia due to age and not making a lot of sense won't acknowledge people's suggestions and common interactions include "Why won't you help me" *what do you need* "the government is _________, school is _____ nonsensical mutter, social security ___________ nonsensical mutter, the 1960s are _______ nonsensical mutter"
until 4 days ago we did not even know he was bilingual until a page of paper to the glass (upstairs thankfully with 2 staff and more witnesses) and started demanding things in French had been band for the weekend for tone, building a case for a longer ban that has to be approved.
submitted by SuspiciousSquash9151 to Libraries [link] [comments]
A new regular however has been the source of the topic recently.
an older man who is probably around 80 has been in at least twice a week for the last month, he's actually kind of hard to write out due to most of the interactions I know are short, frustrating, and mostly nonsense, but my first experience with him dose a decent job:
He comes to my basement-level reference area where I mostly am alone, requesting tech assistance and the use of a public computer, immediately there are some pretty interesting quirks some age-related like blatantly ignoring instructions, typing o's instead of #0, seemingly forgetting very common applications, swiping at the screen like it's an iPad and the other issue:
He's trying to get information from his bank account, the library has a strict policy that I agree with that once we are on the main page of the bank's website we do not go any further with them, I have nothing to do with login going through the site whatever is needed because it's a huge liability and none of our business.
He has no idea how online banking works and I think doesn't understand online accounts at all (despite having an email and Facebook that's been shown in later interactions) and thinks if you type name and card number into separate boxes it will magically give you all banking information including air miles what he wanted again I should not know this he announced to me and anyone in the room, so good forbid someone with malicious intent help him in a public branch well know to have issues.
another patron comes for my assistance and she's kind of intense as well, this is now already burning me out between the two, and when he's up here again hovering at the front nose practically pressed to the glass the only thing separating us in an obvious attempt to get the most attention and quickly (like I'm dealing with a toddler that doesn't want to wait until you finish a phone call) I am shorter than before stating there are other patron's I need to serve as well he is not first in line now, the response is very childish and rudder muttering under his breath for while I'm still working with her that her question isn't important and not worth the time., she's more patient after that defending your right to service will do that for some.
the same bs continues and we get nowhere because he literally can't get anywhere without another pretty much taking the mouse and doing it, to the shock of no one hes been scammed badly before, and get this won't call the bank to get information because they ask too Meany questions for personal information and cannot understand they are the one place that should.
I am over it and get my coworker so I dont scream, he's the one who runs Makerspace and is very techy and tries in vain to explain sometimes a different person with a slightly different way helps it dose not worse. I have had 2 tech issues experiences I've called someone else to handle or lose it on a patron the first took nearly 50 minutes this guy took 15.
hes has since been in several times and is worse in a way something is wrong mainly suspected dementia due to age and not making a lot of sense won't acknowledge people's suggestions and common interactions include "Why won't you help me" *what do you need* "the government is _________, school is _____ nonsensical mutter, social security ___________ nonsensical mutter, the 1960s are _______ nonsensical mutter"
until 4 days ago we did not even know he was bilingual until a page of paper to the glass (upstairs thankfully with 2 staff and more witnesses) and started demanding things in French had been band for the weekend for tone, building a case for a longer ban that has to be approved.
2024.05.19 09:05 DoxieLibrarian Disappointed by a breeder again
I know this has happened to so many of us so many times and it is expected to an extent, but I'm hurt and know all of you are wonderful for support. Thank you.
So, I have a new coworker and we hit it off right away when he first started months ago. He would flirt a little now and then, but I ignored it because he is a very happy, positive person and he seemed the type to be a little flirty with all women. I took myself off the market almost four years ago and for the most part now just want friends, but am not against seeing where something goes if it seems right. Now, my coworker stops by my office, always has a kind word, and asks me questions like he actually wants to know me. Naturally, I came to really like him. I also had the conversation with him where I explained I'm childfree. That I think kids are pretty cool, but just not for me. (And this is generally my response in the workplace to avoid drama)
He has mentioned little about himself even when asked questions and as he is a few years younger than me, I thought he might not have kids. Well, today he asked for my number and I gave it to him. I hoped he was just asking as a friend but he quickly got flirty. I saw no harm in it as I thought he didn't have kids. Well, after texting him back at some point in the workday, my messenger app must have connected to the Internet or something since his phone number suddenly updates to "🙌 Super Dad🙌" as the contact name and his contact entry in my phone has a profile picture of two small children about two and four. I mention to him that his number musy have connected to something and automatically updated in my phone and tell him his kids are cute to see what he says. He admits the kids are his and agrees they're cute but mentions nothing further. I mean so many conversations spread across months and he never chooses to mention them? I admit I was a little crushed. I was hoping for a new friend and maybe even a date but it turns out he has kids. Worse, he lied about them.
Now I don't want to talk to him and I have to find a way to politely get him to back off so our work environment doesn't become weird. He also mentioned he doesn't have any social media which I find weird for a guy so young. It makes me wonder if he's married and hiding it.
The worst part is that I let it slip to a coworker that he asked for my number and now she is already imagining a relationship for us in her head. If I tell her I'm not interested because he has two kids she'll say I'm being two narrow minded and have to be realistic. And sadly I think a lot of other people in my life would say she's right. So I'm dropping this rant since I know a lot of you are in similar boats and its so nice to know we are not alone . Thank you.
submitted by DoxieLibrarian to childfree [link] [comments]
So, I have a new coworker and we hit it off right away when he first started months ago. He would flirt a little now and then, but I ignored it because he is a very happy, positive person and he seemed the type to be a little flirty with all women. I took myself off the market almost four years ago and for the most part now just want friends, but am not against seeing where something goes if it seems right. Now, my coworker stops by my office, always has a kind word, and asks me questions like he actually wants to know me. Naturally, I came to really like him. I also had the conversation with him where I explained I'm childfree. That I think kids are pretty cool, but just not for me. (And this is generally my response in the workplace to avoid drama)
He has mentioned little about himself even when asked questions and as he is a few years younger than me, I thought he might not have kids. Well, today he asked for my number and I gave it to him. I hoped he was just asking as a friend but he quickly got flirty. I saw no harm in it as I thought he didn't have kids. Well, after texting him back at some point in the workday, my messenger app must have connected to the Internet or something since his phone number suddenly updates to "🙌 Super Dad🙌" as the contact name and his contact entry in my phone has a profile picture of two small children about two and four. I mention to him that his number musy have connected to something and automatically updated in my phone and tell him his kids are cute to see what he says. He admits the kids are his and agrees they're cute but mentions nothing further. I mean so many conversations spread across months and he never chooses to mention them? I admit I was a little crushed. I was hoping for a new friend and maybe even a date but it turns out he has kids. Worse, he lied about them.
Now I don't want to talk to him and I have to find a way to politely get him to back off so our work environment doesn't become weird. He also mentioned he doesn't have any social media which I find weird for a guy so young. It makes me wonder if he's married and hiding it.
The worst part is that I let it slip to a coworker that he asked for my number and now she is already imagining a relationship for us in her head. If I tell her I'm not interested because he has two kids she'll say I'm being two narrow minded and have to be realistic. And sadly I think a lot of other people in my life would say she's right. So I'm dropping this rant since I know a lot of you are in similar boats and its so nice to know we are not alone . Thank you.
2024.05.19 09:02 Desperate-Image930 Just learned about interplanetary souls and I’m just in shock
This came to be a lot longer than anticipated lol. I saw this reel of Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/reel/813824447478250?fs=e&s=TIeQ9V&mibextid=xCPwDs
I thought nothing of this until she gets to the part about interplanetary souls, souls that were created outside of the Earth realm. I randomly bursted into tears.
I remember growing up and just observing everyone. My parents and sibling were very emotionally disturbed and serious mental illness has always ran in my family. My family was abusive and as a child, I would honestly just look at them. Observe them. Their impatience, aggression, preoccupations about man-made systems that didn’t actually have meaning was so confusing, yet interesting.
I became a therapist and dedicated my life to helping other people shift their perspectives, introspectively explore their identities, and accept the intense spectrum of human emotion. You don’t really learn that in grad school, or even in trainings for that matter. The ability has always come easily to me. Maybe because it had to growing up. I fail in so many parts of life continuously, which I feel is because the system just doesn’t make sense. This one thing is the ONLY thing I’m good at and I’ve always cultivated safety for just about anyone who walks in my path. It’s literally something I feel I HAVE to do.
The human experience always fascinated me. She discussed how interplanetary souls STRUGGLE. The constant vibration of my anxiety has shaped my life. From being abused as a child to acknowledging that I have to live through Earth’s misalignment, I’d always been disturbed by how much I felt grief for human suffering and self-destruction.
She mentions in the video that interplanetary souls are more likely to watch the sky or observe the planets. NO. WAY. As a child, from nightfall to sunrise, from the crickets to the 5am wild birdsong, I’d watch the moon and the stars around it for HOURS, to the point I’d get screamed at for not sleeping and talking to the moon. I’d open my window and just watch. I’d even sneak out (at age 7) to walk to the park because it was so much easier to see the stars. I still to this day, can go an entire day without sleeping and feel fine. I can’t do it consecutively, but I have been and always will be a night owl.
It could be pure coincidence. My characteristics could be the outcome of childhood abuse and neglect, dissociation and misplaced responsibility to help others to compensate for the upbringing I didn’t have. Maybe it is selfish to believe I am something more. But it makes more sense than not.
From age 8-22, my name being called out of mid air, probably about 9 times total. The voice was kind and enthusiastic, altering from masculine to feminine. It only ever said my name. I thought I was crazy until 3 different people heard it in 3 separate occasions. I was so used to the voice, but uncomfortable watching the blood drain from friends’ faces. I felt terrible that it scared them. A medium once told me it only called for me when I needed it. I haven’t heard it myself since I was about 11 years old. Perhaps it was a guardian angel.
submitted by Desperate-Image930 to spirituality [link] [comments]
I thought nothing of this until she gets to the part about interplanetary souls, souls that were created outside of the Earth realm. I randomly bursted into tears.
I remember growing up and just observing everyone. My parents and sibling were very emotionally disturbed and serious mental illness has always ran in my family. My family was abusive and as a child, I would honestly just look at them. Observe them. Their impatience, aggression, preoccupations about man-made systems that didn’t actually have meaning was so confusing, yet interesting.
I became a therapist and dedicated my life to helping other people shift their perspectives, introspectively explore their identities, and accept the intense spectrum of human emotion. You don’t really learn that in grad school, or even in trainings for that matter. The ability has always come easily to me. Maybe because it had to growing up. I fail in so many parts of life continuously, which I feel is because the system just doesn’t make sense. This one thing is the ONLY thing I’m good at and I’ve always cultivated safety for just about anyone who walks in my path. It’s literally something I feel I HAVE to do.
The human experience always fascinated me. She discussed how interplanetary souls STRUGGLE. The constant vibration of my anxiety has shaped my life. From being abused as a child to acknowledging that I have to live through Earth’s misalignment, I’d always been disturbed by how much I felt grief for human suffering and self-destruction.
She mentions in the video that interplanetary souls are more likely to watch the sky or observe the planets. NO. WAY. As a child, from nightfall to sunrise, from the crickets to the 5am wild birdsong, I’d watch the moon and the stars around it for HOURS, to the point I’d get screamed at for not sleeping and talking to the moon. I’d open my window and just watch. I’d even sneak out (at age 7) to walk to the park because it was so much easier to see the stars. I still to this day, can go an entire day without sleeping and feel fine. I can’t do it consecutively, but I have been and always will be a night owl.
It could be pure coincidence. My characteristics could be the outcome of childhood abuse and neglect, dissociation and misplaced responsibility to help others to compensate for the upbringing I didn’t have. Maybe it is selfish to believe I am something more. But it makes more sense than not.
From age 8-22, my name being called out of mid air, probably about 9 times total. The voice was kind and enthusiastic, altering from masculine to feminine. It only ever said my name. I thought I was crazy until 3 different people heard it in 3 separate occasions. I was so used to the voice, but uncomfortable watching the blood drain from friends’ faces. I felt terrible that it scared them. A medium once told me it only called for me when I needed it. I haven’t heard it myself since I was about 11 years old. Perhaps it was a guardian angel.
2024.05.19 08:59 Marabaaaa My best friend has been a victim of WFG (World Financial Group) since they were young.
I need a bit of advice. WFG has been one of the biggest organizations to look out for, but I never realized that one of my best friends was a victim since she was young. I’ll call her Sophia, and my other friend, Jay.
Suddenly, Sophia’s mom called her, asking where she was, and she told her that we were on the court playing basketball just for fun. Sophia’s mom told her to wait to be picked up, and after 40 minutes, her mom arrived with someone else wearing luxurious clothes, like Louis Vuitton and expensive jewelry. We’ll call her Rose. Sophia quickly notified us that Rose would be talking about her business, which didn’t seem fishy at all.
But then, out of nowhere, Rose decided to show us this 4x4 card that included all the bills and told us that we could easily avoid paying taxes, get our brand-new cars paid for by the government, and earn a “passive/residual income.” Rose also talked about how a certain person from their company recently sold her code for “50 million USD.” She also pulled out a picture of her business partner in the Philippines distributing 1,000 wheelchairs to those who couldn’t afford one.
At first, I thought this was just some other MLM organization, and when I tried to ask her the name of the organization, she instantly avoided the question by asking me what my parents’ jobs were. My father works as a janitor, and my mom works in a warehouse. She was like, “Would you like to marry someone whose parents work in a factory or as a janitor?” I kept my composure and told her that I didn’t, but deep inside, I was really pissed about how she insulted my parents. My friend Jay was also shocked at what he just heard from Rose.
After that, Rose asked us if we would like to go to their seminar this upcoming Saturday, and we told her that we were uncertain and would let them know ASAP. After Rose was done talking about her business proposal to us, Sophia came up to us, apologizing and telling us that Rose has been doing this with her friends as well. That’s how she lost some of her friends, who told her that she should stay away from them.
Jay and I knew that this was all WFG’s doing because of the 4x4 card that Rose showed us earlier, and they forgot to exclude the organization’s name on it. We tried explaining to Sophia that WFG is a pyramid scheme, but she kept denying it and telling us to search about the organization ourselves. It felt like she was under an oath not to tell us that it was all part of a scam. The worst part is, Sophia is only 17 and told us that she has been to every single meeting since she was 11 or 12. Her mom is also part of the organization, and after searching a bit, I saw that her mom is part of the manager’s team.
I have one year from now to somehow convince her not to join the organization, but if I decide to report them, her family would be greatly affected. I really want to help her. What should I do?
submitted by Marabaaaa to PersonalFinanceCanada [link] [comments]
Suddenly, Sophia’s mom called her, asking where she was, and she told her that we were on the court playing basketball just for fun. Sophia’s mom told her to wait to be picked up, and after 40 minutes, her mom arrived with someone else wearing luxurious clothes, like Louis Vuitton and expensive jewelry. We’ll call her Rose. Sophia quickly notified us that Rose would be talking about her business, which didn’t seem fishy at all.
But then, out of nowhere, Rose decided to show us this 4x4 card that included all the bills and told us that we could easily avoid paying taxes, get our brand-new cars paid for by the government, and earn a “passive/residual income.” Rose also talked about how a certain person from their company recently sold her code for “50 million USD.” She also pulled out a picture of her business partner in the Philippines distributing 1,000 wheelchairs to those who couldn’t afford one.
At first, I thought this was just some other MLM organization, and when I tried to ask her the name of the organization, she instantly avoided the question by asking me what my parents’ jobs were. My father works as a janitor, and my mom works in a warehouse. She was like, “Would you like to marry someone whose parents work in a factory or as a janitor?” I kept my composure and told her that I didn’t, but deep inside, I was really pissed about how she insulted my parents. My friend Jay was also shocked at what he just heard from Rose.
After that, Rose asked us if we would like to go to their seminar this upcoming Saturday, and we told her that we were uncertain and would let them know ASAP. After Rose was done talking about her business proposal to us, Sophia came up to us, apologizing and telling us that Rose has been doing this with her friends as well. That’s how she lost some of her friends, who told her that she should stay away from them.
Jay and I knew that this was all WFG’s doing because of the 4x4 card that Rose showed us earlier, and they forgot to exclude the organization’s name on it. We tried explaining to Sophia that WFG is a pyramid scheme, but she kept denying it and telling us to search about the organization ourselves. It felt like she was under an oath not to tell us that it was all part of a scam. The worst part is, Sophia is only 17 and told us that she has been to every single meeting since she was 11 or 12. Her mom is also part of the organization, and after searching a bit, I saw that her mom is part of the manager’s team.
I have one year from now to somehow convince her not to join the organization, but if I decide to report them, her family would be greatly affected. I really want to help her. What should I do?
2024.05.19 08:48 Libs4trump AITAH for causing a married woman to join my family?
Fake names for the obvious. Emily-wife and we have 2 kids, and Sarah -married friend with 1 kids.
They often joked about being "sisterwives," because of how often they (we) hung out. Emily would praise me endlessly, talking about how I always helped around the house, fixed things that needed fixing, and made sure our home ran smoothly. Sarah, on the other hand, was constantly frustrated with her husband, who barely lifted a finger.
The idea of having a commune came up a bunch of times, mostly because of cost of living and how close they were. Long story short, a year ago I bought some property with a huge old house and the girls began joking about it more, which I began playing along, until one night Emily asked me seriously about Sarah moving in and becoming an actual sister wife.
So I said sure. Sara left her husband, and moved in with us with her kid.. It's been a year and honestly, things are running pretty smooth.
The only downside is Sarahs ex is still in the picture for their kid, and things have gotten more tense after he found out I split my time in the bedroom between her and Emily. But I don't see how that effects him or why he cares.
AITAH?
submitted by Libs4trump to AITAH [link] [comments]
They often joked about being "sisterwives," because of how often they (we) hung out. Emily would praise me endlessly, talking about how I always helped around the house, fixed things that needed fixing, and made sure our home ran smoothly. Sarah, on the other hand, was constantly frustrated with her husband, who barely lifted a finger.
The idea of having a commune came up a bunch of times, mostly because of cost of living and how close they were. Long story short, a year ago I bought some property with a huge old house and the girls began joking about it more, which I began playing along, until one night Emily asked me seriously about Sarah moving in and becoming an actual sister wife.
So I said sure. Sara left her husband, and moved in with us with her kid.. It's been a year and honestly, things are running pretty smooth.
The only downside is Sarahs ex is still in the picture for their kid, and things have gotten more tense after he found out I split my time in the bedroom between her and Emily. But I don't see how that effects him or why he cares.
AITAH?
2024.05.19 08:44 Numerous-Fix6854 Important Announcement on Post Flairs
Hi Guys,
Important announcement regarding the usage of Post Flairs.
We have made few changes to already existing flairs, please go through description to know about them in detail. Also, we have introduced two new flairs - one is for Hauls and other on Empties, Sl No. 12&13.
Special NOTE:
submitted by Numerous-Fix6854 to KultUpdates [link] [comments]
Important announcement regarding the usage of Post Flairs.
We have made few changes to already existing flairs, please go through description to know about them in detail. Also, we have introduced two new flairs - one is for Hauls and other on Empties, Sl No. 12&13.
- Mod Announcement
- Newly Launched/Restocked
- Freebies
- Kult New Offers/Updates
- 3 am Restocks
- Kult Please Bring!
- New Coupons
- Question & Discussion
- Rants & Complaints
- Product Recommendation
- Talk me out of kult Fomo!
- Epic Empties Sundays
- Haul-tastic Fridays
Special NOTE:
- Please make sure to once go through all the rules and regulations of this sub.
- We have brought hauls and empties to this sub after heeding to popular demand. But rest assured, we prioritize new coupons over hauls and empties so when a new coupon is active, we will try our best to keep the main feed clutter free.
2024.05.19 08:35 Heroman3003 Taking Care of Broken Birds [Part 3]
More misery bird? More misery bird. Really miserymaxxing with these fics I have going, but hey, this one is not that miserable actually! Krekos is back and ready to be dense and downcast, but maybe not quite miserable? Read and see!
Big thank you to NoP community for being great and supportive of my endeavors!
Also, obviously, big thanks to SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe and allowing fanfiction well to flow free!
[First] - [Prev] - [Next]
Memory transcription subject: Krekos, Krakotl Refugee
Date [standardized human time]: May 6th, 2137
I stare at the foul creature before me. Normally staring at something directly head on like that would be too predatory for me to do, but after nearly dying of bread yesterday, I didn’t feel patient enough to be gentle. The creature stared right back, though in a much more natural, prey-like way, tilting its head slightly as it looked back at me with one eye and let out a long bwok.
“Are you doing this now? Really?”, I ask, knowing full well it cannot respond.
Well, it can, if another bwok it made is any indication. Of course, translators aren’t yet advanced enough to translate non-sapient speech, but the intention behind sound is intuitively clear. It’s telling me to back off. Well, I tried the diplomatic approach at least.
Raising my wing I begin sliding the bird out of its nest, careful to keep any delicate joints out of its reach. It started clucking in upset indignation, struggling back and even trying to peck at me, but after realizing that I will not relent, it hopped out of the box and rushed out of the cattle house, revealing a single dead egg in the nesting box.
With relief, I finally pick up the last egg and head back to leave them at the house. Turns out that while Reginald didn’t forget to both lock them up yesterday and let them out today, he did neglect feeding them both times, as well as collecting the harvest. So when I was driven back here in early morning, the first thing I did was making sure they were taken care of. I can’t say the horrid birds looked in any way hungry, but the moment I poured the feeding grain for them, they attacked it with more viciousness than I’d expect of an actual predator. And yet only thirteen were present at the feeding, as the one that’s usually the target of flock’s ire remained in the cattle house yet again, Reginald leaving it to it, being unaware of its undesirable habit of trying to hatch dead eggs.
With eggs delivered, I flew my way to my usual spot atop the cattle house and could finally relax. The loner beast first made its way to feast on the scraps of the grain that other birds already all have had their fill of, so I wasn’t too concerned. Instead I tried to reflect on the morning I had so far.
Waking up at the hospital did make me momentarily panic before I remembered the precluding events. Not that I could properly panic, feeling the most starved I’ve been my whole life, and too weak to try flying out of the window. Thankfully, the breakfast they provided was actually well made with krakotl needs in mind, algae soup alongside a few slices of bread, this time without any horrid human ideas like putting eggs in there. Eggs! Turns out they put eggs in some kinds of bread! That’s how I got sick! Eggs! The thought of what I consumed even now made me queasy, and it definitely made breakfast a much less appetizing affair than it would have been without that knowledge, but back then the hunger won over the disgust.
Lena did keep her promise and came to pick me up extra early. Her being a staff member at the hospital gave her some extra privilege, I assume, hence why I was released without any forms needing to be filled out personally. She did have important business today too, which probably explained the earlyness and urgency of her driving me back to her house.
That did not mean I escaped her ire, however. While I couldn’t pinpoint anything to identify the man, as Bob was apparently a common name, that offered me bread, we did come to understanding that he was likely either unaware of the nutritional contents of it, or of extent to which the Cure-induced allergy would be affecting a krakotl. Yet, Lena seemed much angrier at me for failing to take any precautions. Turns out that was the purpose of medicinal injectors, epipens as humans call them, that were provided to me. I was supposed to have them on me in case I accidentally ingested contaminated food. Nobody told me that, I was just handed them back when I first received the necessities at the refugee camp and I had no clue what they were for. Then she also berated me for eating random food from strangers and ignoring bad flavors. Turns out that brioche bread isn’t actually bitter at all, and that was my body reacting to an allergen in it. Reaction that I unwisely elected to ignore, to further ire of my host. By the end, several new rules of my stay here were made, including not eating things I don’t know and always having at least one epipen on me. Thankfully, these rules would be ones I’d start following even without them being established, so I won’t have to concern myself with being kicked out over accidentally breaking them.
As if following the rules will be enough to make them like you.
Trying to distract myself from thoughts of yesterday’s incident, I focused my attention on the flock. All birds accounted for, so at least I knew that my absence did not result in the predator coming to snatch one of them. I do not wish to insult my hosts, but Reginald is far from most attentive people in matters unrelated to his job, and I am not sure the birds were watched at all while I was out. Speaking of, my scannings of surrounding treelines revealed no sign of the predator today. Perhaps it departed to hunt elsewhere, or maybe it ventured too close to a more populated area and exterminators dealt with it.
Actually, did human exterminators work similar to Federation ones? I knew for a fact they had them, although they seemed like a market of private organizations if advertisements are anything to judge by. Still, what methods do they use? I know humans oppose fire, and do not believe in predatory taint, but surely they have measures to protect themselves? They are, by self-admission, far from the best natural predator, and I doubt Earth’s non-sapient predators would just leave humans be. Maybe I should call one of those human exterminator agencies and call them in to deal with that predator? I haven’t told Lena or Reginald about it, as I didn’t want to bother them, but it could pose a serious threat to the cattle, but maybe that’s the way I could resolve it without involving them?
I have not done nearly as much research into human culture and lifestyle as I should have, considering that I’ve lived on Earth for over half a year now, but the sheer width of the topic always overwhelmed me the moment I opened internet search app to the point where I just closed it right away.
And you expect to start studying again with that attitude? You’ll flunk out even from this primitive predator education course.
Extra loud call from the flock made me refocus my attention on them, but it was nothing. Just the loner getting pecked extra hard and lashing out against assailants, causing a small aimless stampede as all the birds ran around in circles, puffing up at one another. The assailants now looked a lot more like victims. I could understand those birds more than I could humans at least. The loner bird is clearly an odd one out. It’s the only one repeatedly trying to hatch unfertilized eggs it lays, and it seems to always avoid the rest of the flock. Humans may deny the existence of Predator Disease, but they can’t deny that prey and predator both can and will sometimes behave in unnatural ways that may threaten the herd's safety. Or pack’s, in case of humans. Birds must know on instinctual level that the loner’s behavior is unnatural and are attempting to combat the Predator Disease on instinctual level. And since that is natural, I still will not interfere in this, unless the loner bird actually becomes a threat to others or will start getting too injured. The first time I attempted to pick one of the birds up was the only time for a good reason, as I have learned their viciousness all too well.
DING-DING
The sudden loud ring startled me enough that I nearly tumbled off the roof. Who would be coming over now? Lena and Reginald have left together and shouldn’t be back until afternoon, and they’d never use the bell. That means someone must be here for them. But wouldn’t they warn anyone to not come over? Especially with their plans for today.
With nobody to answer these questions, I had no choice but to go and discover the answer myself, flying up and over the house, towards the entrance gate. The moment I passed the house roof, I already saw a familiar silhouette. It was the human child from a few days ago.
Thankfully, Lena’s insistence on me carrying an epipen at all times meant I also carried my satchel at all times too, so I didn’t have to go grabbing my holopad, and took it out. But before I could even launch the translator TTS app to type out a greeting, the child was already hopping in place with excitement.
“Mr. Krekos! Hi! I came over to visit!”, she exclaimed, showing off her teeth in an unnerving expression of human joy. I simply tried to avoid that and focused on the pad, typing out my response.
“Hello, Rosie. Why are you here?”
The question was genuine, as the child was not carrying any more of that honey substance from last time.
“I just came over to visit you! Is that okay? Are Mr. and Ms. Vince okay with it?”
Visit... me? Why? While I was confused, I did instinctively type out a reply.
“They did tell me visitors are allowed as long as there’s no trouble when I first moved in.”
And before I could type a followup message asking her why she’s here, she already let out a joyous roar and ran past me.
“Can I see the chickens?”, she asked, and not waiting for an answer, rushed past the house and towards the cattle yard.
“Wait! You’ll scare them!”, I yell after her, but of course without a translator she can’t understand me as she runs like she already knows where to go.
And indeed she has, quickly rushing up to the open field where the birds were grazing. Thankfully she didn’t start chasing them, instead just approaching the flock from a distance and swaying in place, watching them with what I assume was some sort of predatory excitement at the sight of prey. Maybe that’s where the contained hunting instinct of human children showed themselves? In chasing small birds? I was still more subdued, considering she stopped shy of causing a small stampede, but still.
“Grandpa used to take me with him! He helped watch this farm until Mr. and Ms. Vince moved in. I like chickens! I think they’re cute.”, the child told me innocently as she kept swaying and watching as the beasts grazed upon insects of the pasture.
That revelation was... interesting. I suppose it makes sense that between the original owner of this land dying in the bombings and Lena and Reginald moving in, it would be unattended. With nobody to feed and watch over those things, they would be long dead for sure. And it was Rosie’s grandfather... Speaking of. I typed out my words.
“Does your grandfather know you’re here?”
She seemed to get a weird look as she stopped her excited swaying, fiddling with her hands instead. Looks like I asked the correct question.
“...he knows I am out visiting neighbors.”
That did not answer my question. I squinted at the human child, and she dipped her head as she continued.
“...he doesn’t know I’m here specifically. Or that an alien even lives here...”, she explained, her tone suddenly more sullen.
I couldn’t help but squint at that, and it appears that my expression was readable enough that even a human could see the suspicion, as she continued.
“I’m sorry... But if I told grandpa, he’d tell me I’m forbidden from talking to you, like he forbade me from talking to hedgehog people in town... But I want to talk to you! You’re nice and you’re a space bird!”
The child was actually working around the rules established by her guardian to come see me. I don’t know if I should be glad or concerned. Clearly, the man is anti-alien in his opinions, and I’d rather that kind of man not know about how close he lives to one. At the same time, I’d rather not encourage a child for lying to their guardian in order to meet a stranger they know they aren’t allowed to interact with... So I just took the middle path with my next message.
“I see. What did you want to talk to me about then?”, TTS speaks for me.
Her stiffened body language disappears, replaced again with earlier excitement.
“I wanna know more about space! And aliens! It’s all so cool but grandpa says it’s all dangerous because mom and dad died. But it’s not! The hedgehog people were nice, and you’re nice too!”
I wasn’t sure about that logic, but my self-preservation told me I shouldn’t try convincing her to go confessing. Instead I focused more on her chosen topic.
“I am not sure I am the best person to ask about space. I am not a scientist or traveler.”
“But you’re from there! You know way more than me. I don’t even know what you are called. And there’s gotta be cool things out in space!”
I let out a sigh. I suppose it’s childlike curiosity at its finest. So unfamiliar with mundane that it is a wonder. I remember being like that about becoming a doctor.
And then you let your teacher die.
I quickly tapped on the pad.
“Okay, I can answer questions, but I may not know everything.”
The noise that came out of the girl was like a squeal of a panicked dossur as she started hopping and spinning in place.
“Yes! Yes! Thank you, Mr. Krekos!” Sudden movement did cause me to recoil a bit, which in turn caused her to cease her happy flailing and adjust her little dress. “I dunno where to start though... Hm... What are you?”
...for all my trepidation about not knowing answers, I should have anticipated that the questions she asks will be rather age-appropriate and on the same level as we learn in our first school classes. At least I won’t disappoint her then.
“I am from a species called ‘krakotl’. We’re avians, as is obvious. Our home is...”dead, gone, reduced to glass and ash by our own hubris “...was Nishtal. A beautiful planet...”
Thankfully she did not question my hesitant pause. Instead she just nodded along.
“What about the hedgehog people? I already know venlil, but they’re the only ones I know name of.”
Hedgehog people in town she mentioned earlier. The only species I could think of that could be seen there would be the gojid. I have no clue what hedgehogs are, but probably some creature with visible similarity to them.
“They are called ‘gojid’, and they’re from gojid Cradle. Both of our species are... well, used to be known for our might and protecting other species of Federation.”
I am not sure if that’s something to brag about, considering... everything. But I didn’t want this child to get brought down with depressing regrets of our species. Let her know something nicer instead. She clearly lost a lot, but there’s still joy left in her. I wouldn’t want to be the one to ruin that.
“Cool! What about other people? I wanna know more!”
And so I went on, telling her about various species, although I mostly focused on ones in this new human-led union, only mentioning kolshians and farsul beyond that. It’s weird explaining to a child what a tilfish or a harchen looks like, but thankfully my holopad isn’t just a method of communicating with implant-less children. With access to interstellar web, I could easily pull up pictures of various alien species to show to her, even if she struggled to believe that some of them were even sapient purely based off of looks. With how varied species in Federation are, and how some of us admittedly aren’t too far physiologically from our more primal ancestors.
Among other topics, she asked me to tell her interesting things, which I didn’t know much of. I told her about Venlil Prime’s tidally locked status, a rarity among habitable planets, much less homeworlds for species. I told her about the unique architecture of Mileau, designed to accommodate both species of regular size and dossur themselves. I told her about Colia medical academies, some of the most beautiful medical facilities in the galaxy.
I wish I was more well-travelled, but I just wasn’t. My whole life, I never left Nishtal until the extermination fleet took me despite my protests. That may have been what saved my life...
Not that I, of all people, deserved it...
“Hey! Stop that!”
I flinched as I heard the child yell, but quickly realized that it wasn’t directed at me. Instead, Rosie was rushing down towards the chicken flock, breaking up the fight in which the loner was being pecked by a few larger chickens. As the human child approached, the birds stopped their infighting and scattered in different directions, crowing in loud panic and discontent. On instinct, I found myself rushing towards the child, forgetting about translation entirely.
“What are you doing?! Don’t touch them!”
I didn’t want her to hurt the cattle accidentally, and I didn’t want her to get hurt by the angry birds in return. But, it seems like the moment the birds scattered, she was satisfied with her actions and turned back to me, wearing another one of her happy smiles.
“Sorry, Mr. Krekos, I just saw chickens being mean. Bad chickens.” She explained.
I was baffled. Why would she interfere like that? When I tried that back when I was just starting, that got me pecked! But with her, the birds just scattered. What if they pecked her?
I took the pad out again and started typing quickly.
“That was dangerous. Why did you do that? What if they attacked you? Why are you even interfering in their natural dynamics?”, questions flowed out of my pad with an artificial human voice.
The girl simply giggled.
“They’re chickens! They aren’t dangerous. They don’t peck that painful and I’ve been scratched worse before. And I have to stop it because bullying is wrong.”
Then she actually noticed that the one that was being attacked wandered close. She casually approached it from behind, the blind spot and just reached down and grabbed it, picking the bird up. I was ready to rush to help the bird when...
“Mwah! There, all better.”
She did a human ‘kiss’ on the back of the cattle bird’s neck before releasing it, the surprise of it causing it to rush off. I knew what kisses were, I’ve seen enough of them between Lena and Reginald, but I believed they were gestures of intimate affection, not... what was even that?
It seems Rosie noticed my confusion as she explained.
“You gotta kiss it so it heals better! That’s what mom taught me.” The child displayed that smile of hers shamelessly. With how much I was being exposed to it, it almost wasn’t unnerving anymore. Still, it was interesting to learn that kisses are seen as something that helps wounds. I guess some species do have saliva with mild antiseptic properties, wouldn’t be too out there to assume humans are the same. And if that’s the case, maybe that’s how the kissing tradition started? Exchange of protective fluid between lovers?
“I see. I did not know that.” I responded before letting my puffed feathers relax. Okay, this whole ‘watching a human child’ thing is turning out to somehow be even more stressful than I expected at first.
“Wait, Mr. Krekos, what time is it?” She suddenly asked, looking up at the sky.
“It’s nearly twelve.” I respond, holopad having a convenient clock for local time.
“Oh no! I need to be home soon! Was nice seeing you Mr. Krekos gotta go bye!”
Before I had even a chance at typing out an answer or my own goodbye, the child sprinted away and back towards the entrance. I had to take flight just to keep up, and even then she just turned around, waved her arm at me and then kept sprinting down the road after leaving the gate. I simply offered a small wave of a wing back before locking the gate again. I suppose it is hard to keep track of time without a device or clock nearby...
Well, at least I had the usual peace and quiet now. And learned a bit more about the creatures I was in charge of. I should really try to deal with my aversion to looking things up on the human internet...
Just as I was about to head back out towards the yard, I heard a loud car horn, a familiar one, getting my attention. Lena’s car. There they were, signaling me, probably having spotted me at the gate from afar. Deciding to make use of my presence here, and hoping to avoid needing to explain that I had a surprise visitor earlier, I went ahead and opened the large gate, allowing the car to enter.
Once it was parked in the usual space, the doors opened and three people came out. Lena and Reginald were both looking a bit disheveled, but their faces carried these smiles that seemed wider than ever before. And third person... Was a stranger. A human I knew of, but never actually met. As he exited the car, a large bag in one hand, he just stared at me, standing in the front yard...
“...okay, I expected many things when I was told you guys housed a refugee, but not this.”
Oh no. Oh no, he was not one of the ones that was willing to overlook an invader that partook in bombing of his planet being allowed to walk free, of course, Lena and Reginald were the weird ones like that, doesn’t mean their son won’t be... I felt the panic rising as I realized I’d need to return to the camp. Why was I upset about that? This was supposed to just have been a way to make money, but now I have a free education program. Do I need to stay? No, but... Why?! Why do I not want to leave?
“Ken, you said it’s going to be alright no matter what it is, right? Wanted us to keep it a surprise to meet a new friend?” Lena’s voice. She should have told him, that’d give me time to prepare why didn’t they give me time why.
“No, no problems, just, really surprised, that’s all... uh... hey, buddy, you okay? You’re really... trembly.”
He was approaching me, and instinct took over as I recoiled, before stuttering out my answer.
“I-I’m fine...”
...thankfully translators don’t translate voice cracks. I hope, at least...
“Hey, relax... I have no problem with you being a krakotl, I just didn’t think...” He looks over at Lena and Reginald. “Calm down... I can wear my visor if you want?”
Right. Those things humans use to hide their scary faces from us.
“I... I’m good...”
Why would it last? It almost felt good after all.
There was some emotion I struggled to read on the young human’s face, as he sighed and shook his head.
“I screwed this up, I’m sorry. Let... Let me try again.” He straightened out, and adjusted his clothing, before slowly approaching me and giving me a small smile, no teeth showing. “Hello. My name is Kenneth Vince and I'm son of Lena and Reginald Vince. I was told you’re a refugee they took in to help out. It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?”
That... snapped me out of it. Right... He was... not upset at my existence. He was just very surprised that Lena and Reginald weren’t. That’s a reasonable thing to be surprised about, considering I was surprised about it to this day. I tried to compose myself as I responded.
“My name is Krekos. I live here as... hired help with the cattle. It’s... nice to meet you?”
The smile on Kenneth’s face widens, though he still refrains from showing his teeth. Instead, he extends a hand towards me. A handshake is a human gesture that I found far from comfortable, but I didn’t want to give him a reason to change his mind on acceptability of my existence, so I took it with a wingclaw. He gently took it and held for a few seconds before letting go and sighing again, turning to his parents.
“You know, I always thought you guys would be empty nesters, but I never thought it’d be that literal.”
That got all three of them laughing, as I just tilted my head in confusion. I was fairly sure there were no empty nests in the house until after I adjusted the attic room for my own accommodations. Still, I took the laughter as a sign that the tense moment had fully passed and let my ruffled feathers slowly rest.
“Let’s head inside. Krekos, we’re having dinner, you’re welcome to join us.” Reginald said, picking up Kenneth’s bag. I tilted my head a little and he followed up with elaboration. “We will be having meat... But there’s still going to be stuff you can eat too. It’s a celebration, so I prepared a bit of everything.”
“Dad, you shouldn’t have!” Kenneth responded with embarrassment.
“None of that! Our son returned from the war, alive and a hero, and we can have a celebration. Krekos, I know you’re still... uncertain about meat so you don’t—”
“I’ll join.”
Wait, who said that? And why did they say that in my voice?
Wait, that was me. Why did I say that?
“That’s great to hear! I’ve got some nice steamed broccoli and some vegetarian fried rice as sides that you’ll enjoy!” Reginald smiled at me and I felt myself shrinking into my feathers. That the humans didn’t notice at least, proceeding into the house instead.
Well, looks like I signed my warrant. At least my bag and my epipen were on me in case something at the table triggers the allergy again. Would be rather unfortunate to have it happen two days in a row.
And that’s how, in just ten or so minutes, I found myself sitting at the dining perch, while humans took seats in chairs, all consuming chunks of roasted flesh and somehow managing to also stuff pieces of equally roasted plants in, and converse with one another. You wouldn’t be able to tell on first look, but despite their mouths being relatively small, especially for a predator, it seems they compensate for it by having those be near bottomless in both hunger and small talk.
I am not sure how I managed to shift my focus away from them consuming animal matter in front of me, however vat grown it might have been, and onto their conversation instead, but I succeeded. I suppose that was just part of me going native around predators. Soon, I’ll be the one feasting along with them before I know it, and snacking on those epipens to not die of it.
Like you could ever be on the same level as humans.
“So, Fahl? That’s where you were sent after the Battle of Earth?” Lena asked.
“Yeah. From what I heard, we got a light posting compared to guys at Sillis or Mileau. The most I had to deal with was some exterminator insurgents.”
That’s right. Since harchen participated in the Extermination Fleet, they were one of those who were occupied by humans during the war. It makes sense that there was at least some ground resistance.
“Honestly, the worst thing out there was the heat. Not the flamethrower kind, the climate. The place was so damn dry and hot. At least exterminators you could subdue or evade. Not so much with the scorching sun!”
I couldn’t resist a small chuckle at the idea of a predator being more afraid of hot weather than flamethrowers as I slowly pecked at the vegetables on my plate. Thankfully it was set far enough aside from any meat dishes that no contamination should occur, but I was still examining pieces before putting them in my mouth just in case.
Seems like reacting was a mistake though, as that brought Kenneth’s attention onto me. He finished chewing latest piece of flesh and pointed a fork at me.
“So, Krekos... Where are you from? Cradle was my guess, but I do know there were refugees from other places like Sillis too.”
That’s a weird question. Isn’t it kind of to be expected for a krakotl to be from our actual homeworld?”
“I’m from Nishtal.”
“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Kenneth chuckled, tossing a piece of broccoli into his mouth and swallowing before continuing, “I meant, where did you live? I kind of assumed you were born there, but it’s not like Nishtal had a chance to send refugees out, and if they did, this is the last place they’d be.”
Oh... I caught concerned looks of Lena and Reginald, looking between me and Kenneth from both sides. Not only did they not make him aware that I was a krakotl, they also neglected to mention just how I came by my refugee status... Which was just a legal workaround to grant me asylum without unnecessary complications or establishing undesirable precedent. Legally, I may be a refugee, but practically... I am a defector. Lena and Reginald know that, I told them my story before. And while they were weirdly accepting, Kenneth... Fought extermination fleet here on Earth. Personally.
Still, I wasn’t about to lie. It took a few moments and gathering mental strength to steel myself, and averting my eyes, focusing on the plate of warm vegetables in front of me rather than the human’s anticipating stare before I answered.
“I did live on Nishtal. I... I came with the extermination fleet.” I responded, doing my best to avoid looking at him. I did not want to witness his reaction, for some reason the thought of seeing it weighed heavy on my mind.
“Oh.”
The response was simple, and had no followup. There was no more clinking of cutlery against plates, or chewing. The only thing hanging in the air of the kitchen was silence, weighing down on me. It dragged on and on... until it just got so unbearable I couldn’t take it.
“I-I’m full... Thank you for the meal.” I quickly said, hopping off the perch and stepping out of the kitchen, quickly making my way to the yard and taking flight.
Fresh air of the outside and rush of it as I flew up and gained speed... I missed that. I knew it’s not safe to just fly over other people’s territory, so I corrected my course into doing large sweeping circles over the cattle yard and simply let my wings carry me.
Flying away from any danger is the only thing I’m good for anyway. The only thing I ever do.
I closed my eyes. With them closed and not focusing on my angle it feels like I’m actually flying away from all the troubles. Away from humans who barely tolerate my existence, away from gojid who see me as worse than a predator, away from Earth and all its incorrigible customs, away from horrid cattle, away from constant memories...
Flying feels nice. It may be a bit harder than it was home, but it’s still possible. I heard that on Venlil Prime or Mileau it’s much harder. But here? Just an extra flap of wings for every few paces and you’re just fine, free to soar the skies...
Alone. With no one to ever share it with me again.
Slowly I let my eyes open back to the bleak reality. Greenery of surrounding pastures and woods, bright blue skies and farmhouses dotted about here and there greeted me. I lowered my gaze down, focusing on what’s below. There they were, fourteen brown and black dots spread around the enclosed portion of the farm territory. I am not sure how much time I’ve spent flying in circles and trying to forget things but my wings were feeling a tad sore. Then as I just began slow descent, in same circular motion, I noticed that one of the birds, a familiar one, was being chased by several others. Recounting the morning, I tried putting the knowledge to action, and shifted direction of descent, swooping down. To my surprise, that actually worked, as the moment I got close to the ground, the cattle birds all got much louder and scattered in all directions, including the loner. Who, at least this time, got off unharmed. I suppose such pathetic flightless creatures would fear a flying one much more than they would when I just run up to them...
Swooping at them from the sky like a predator to intimidate them into behaving... Like an arxur warden.
With the fight preemptively broken up, I flutter up to the roof of the cattle house, to my usual position and rested my wings. I didn’t see any movement from the direction of the house, so I suppose the family is still busy unpacking. Since Kenneth joined the military just before the Battle of Earth, and Lena and Reginald only moved here after their actual house in city of New York got destroyed, it’d be the first time the human is seeing what is basically his new home. There was a room set aside for him since before I even moved in, and while there is also a guest room... That one did not have a large enough window to fit through, which did not feel comfortable. So when I asked for a space with a bigger window they only had an attic to offer. They seemed uncomfortable letting me live in a tiny room with slanted roof, but I found such space more comforting than I would have a large room with a window not large enough to fit even one fully spread wing through.
I wonder if Kenneth will need as much renovation as I did? The house is built for humans, but he never lived there before. Will he need to buy a more comfortable bed? Getting a proper nesting setup in place of a bed took a bit of effort, but I figured something out. Human sheets were comfortable enough for such, and sitting perches were thankfully not that hard to get thanks to help from the refugee administration. Maybe that’s the things that Lena went to buy yesterday? Kenneth’s preferred room decor?
I looked up to the sky to see the sun beginning to dim. I am not sure if it was me flying that long, or me losing track of time in my thoughts again, but the sun was beginning to set. I began my usual chores, putting out an evening meal and water for the beasts, and while they feasted, ate some myself. I was a bit hungry, having not properly finished lunch and about to skip dinner, but after the earlier conversation, I’d really rather avoid giving them the opportunity to talk to me.
After the birds had their fill, and by that I mean they emptied the tray as they always do, I let out the call, and they started funneling into the cattle house. The lonely straggler being first to go and hop into its nesting box. I bet tomorrow I will have trouble with getting her out of there again...
I took the moment to gather some eggs the birds left over course of the day, and once that was over and all of them were accounted for, I closed it up. When I flew down over to the house, there wasn’t anyone by the back door thankfully, so I just left eggs there, returned the basket, and returned to my room through the window.
Well, at least I didn’t get nearly killed today... That’s nice I guess?
I was about to check my holopad when there was a knock on the door. I approached and opened it to see... Kenneth. Standing in the doorway.
“Uh, hi, Krekos. I just, uh... Wanted to apologize again. I really wish mom and dad told me everything ahead of time... I just want you to know, I have no problems with you whatsoever, yeah? It’s just. Surprising, I guess, to hear all that. I didn’t think there were any defectors from the fleet at all... Just. Uh, please don’t worry about me?” He offered me a small smile, showing his canines before quickly correcting himself and doing a closed-lip one. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories or make you feel unwelcome.”
I had to take a moment to contemplate his words. Was Lena and Reginald’s weirdness hereditary? He almost reminded me of how Reginald talked to me early on, with constant stumbling over the words, as well as constant reassurances that he is fine with me being here. Couple that with failing to avoid predatory mannerisms like eye contact and smiles like Lena tends to and you get this human. But most importantly and least understandably, there was the general fact of him and them just... welcoming me. I couldn’t understand why. I should be one sorry to them.
“N-No, it’s fine... I’m sorry for... intruding on you and your family.”
“No, no, dude, you’re fine! I mean, hell, I was considering entering one of those exchange programs before the bombings happened, and even after, well, I did my best at Fahl to be the perfect friendly soldier just there to make sure no more bombs drop on my home and not kill or conquer anyone. And then mom told me your story, and I can’t believe it... Just... If you have any issues, feel free to tell me. I’m not one of those racist pricks that are too pussy to even call themselves HF anymore because they know they’ll get their teeth knocked. I get that there aren't good or bad species, just people. And you seem like a decent guy if mom and dad’s judgment is to be trusted.” His smile widened, though it was clear from tension on his face that he had to take conscious effort to keep teeth hidden. “So, what I said earlier stands. Friends, right?”
He extends hand forward, for a second time today. I wasn’t sure if I knew this human long enough to call him a friend... Any human really. But it also seems like human definition of ‘friends’ is anyone they’re cordial and peaceful with. Which is weird. You’d think translators would properly use ‘acquaintance’ for that.
Still... We will be living in the same house now. I can’t just say no, and... I can’t come up with a reason to say no. Even him being a predator and a human is not something I could really say I object to, considering how... mundane that became to me over my time here.
So, with naught on my mind but acceptance of the situation, I extended my wing and grasped his hand with my claw. This time he actually gripped it tightly and moved it up and down, as I saw other humans do occasionally.
“Yeah... I guess that’d be for the best.” I responded, shrugging off the hesitation. Fresh start for a third time, I guess?
The human grinned, forgetting to hide his teeth entirely, but I was ready for it somehow and avoided outwardly reacting.
“Cool! Anyway, I’ll try to get some shuteye early, I couldn’t sleep on the overnight flight home. See ya!”
And with that he left. Well... That meeting went well I suppose?
I returned to my nest and picked up my holopad, returning to what I was doing. And there it was, something I awaited every day. A notification that I was messaged on mailing app. Opening the letter revealed the schedule for the study program. Which... only had one day marked on it. And a note that the rest of it will be figured out ‘as we go from there’. So it’s not a schedule, it’s just a mark for the day of the first meeting.
While a bit underwhelming, it was still exciting. It would be an all-alien class so I wouldn’t have to deal with humans’ incomprehensibility nearly as much, and it would allow me to finally return to pursuing what I actually dreamt of. Even if I wasn’t entirely sure that was precisely what I wanted after everything that happened, it was at least something for me to move towards.
...just two days until start. I wonder if there’s some required reading to prepare?
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Big thank you to NoP community for being great and supportive of my endeavors!
Also, obviously, big thanks to SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe and allowing fanfiction well to flow free!
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Date [standardized human time]: May 6th, 2137
I stare at the foul creature before me. Normally staring at something directly head on like that would be too predatory for me to do, but after nearly dying of bread yesterday, I didn’t feel patient enough to be gentle. The creature stared right back, though in a much more natural, prey-like way, tilting its head slightly as it looked back at me with one eye and let out a long bwok.
“Are you doing this now? Really?”, I ask, knowing full well it cannot respond.
Well, it can, if another bwok it made is any indication. Of course, translators aren’t yet advanced enough to translate non-sapient speech, but the intention behind sound is intuitively clear. It’s telling me to back off. Well, I tried the diplomatic approach at least.
Raising my wing I begin sliding the bird out of its nest, careful to keep any delicate joints out of its reach. It started clucking in upset indignation, struggling back and even trying to peck at me, but after realizing that I will not relent, it hopped out of the box and rushed out of the cattle house, revealing a single dead egg in the nesting box.
With relief, I finally pick up the last egg and head back to leave them at the house. Turns out that while Reginald didn’t forget to both lock them up yesterday and let them out today, he did neglect feeding them both times, as well as collecting the harvest. So when I was driven back here in early morning, the first thing I did was making sure they were taken care of. I can’t say the horrid birds looked in any way hungry, but the moment I poured the feeding grain for them, they attacked it with more viciousness than I’d expect of an actual predator. And yet only thirteen were present at the feeding, as the one that’s usually the target of flock’s ire remained in the cattle house yet again, Reginald leaving it to it, being unaware of its undesirable habit of trying to hatch dead eggs.
With eggs delivered, I flew my way to my usual spot atop the cattle house and could finally relax. The loner beast first made its way to feast on the scraps of the grain that other birds already all have had their fill of, so I wasn’t too concerned. Instead I tried to reflect on the morning I had so far.
Waking up at the hospital did make me momentarily panic before I remembered the precluding events. Not that I could properly panic, feeling the most starved I’ve been my whole life, and too weak to try flying out of the window. Thankfully, the breakfast they provided was actually well made with krakotl needs in mind, algae soup alongside a few slices of bread, this time without any horrid human ideas like putting eggs in there. Eggs! Turns out they put eggs in some kinds of bread! That’s how I got sick! Eggs! The thought of what I consumed even now made me queasy, and it definitely made breakfast a much less appetizing affair than it would have been without that knowledge, but back then the hunger won over the disgust.
Lena did keep her promise and came to pick me up extra early. Her being a staff member at the hospital gave her some extra privilege, I assume, hence why I was released without any forms needing to be filled out personally. She did have important business today too, which probably explained the earlyness and urgency of her driving me back to her house.
That did not mean I escaped her ire, however. While I couldn’t pinpoint anything to identify the man, as Bob was apparently a common name, that offered me bread, we did come to understanding that he was likely either unaware of the nutritional contents of it, or of extent to which the Cure-induced allergy would be affecting a krakotl. Yet, Lena seemed much angrier at me for failing to take any precautions. Turns out that was the purpose of medicinal injectors, epipens as humans call them, that were provided to me. I was supposed to have them on me in case I accidentally ingested contaminated food. Nobody told me that, I was just handed them back when I first received the necessities at the refugee camp and I had no clue what they were for. Then she also berated me for eating random food from strangers and ignoring bad flavors. Turns out that brioche bread isn’t actually bitter at all, and that was my body reacting to an allergen in it. Reaction that I unwisely elected to ignore, to further ire of my host. By the end, several new rules of my stay here were made, including not eating things I don’t know and always having at least one epipen on me. Thankfully, these rules would be ones I’d start following even without them being established, so I won’t have to concern myself with being kicked out over accidentally breaking them.
Trying to distract myself from thoughts of yesterday’s incident, I focused my attention on the flock. All birds accounted for, so at least I knew that my absence did not result in the predator coming to snatch one of them. I do not wish to insult my hosts, but Reginald is far from most attentive people in matters unrelated to his job, and I am not sure the birds were watched at all while I was out. Speaking of, my scannings of surrounding treelines revealed no sign of the predator today. Perhaps it departed to hunt elsewhere, or maybe it ventured too close to a more populated area and exterminators dealt with it.
Actually, did human exterminators work similar to Federation ones? I knew for a fact they had them, although they seemed like a market of private organizations if advertisements are anything to judge by. Still, what methods do they use? I know humans oppose fire, and do not believe in predatory taint, but surely they have measures to protect themselves? They are, by self-admission, far from the best natural predator, and I doubt Earth’s non-sapient predators would just leave humans be. Maybe I should call one of those human exterminator agencies and call them in to deal with that predator? I haven’t told Lena or Reginald about it, as I didn’t want to bother them, but it could pose a serious threat to the cattle, but maybe that’s the way I could resolve it without involving them?
I have not done nearly as much research into human culture and lifestyle as I should have, considering that I’ve lived on Earth for over half a year now, but the sheer width of the topic always overwhelmed me the moment I opened internet search app to the point where I just closed it right away.
Extra loud call from the flock made me refocus my attention on them, but it was nothing. Just the loner getting pecked extra hard and lashing out against assailants, causing a small aimless stampede as all the birds ran around in circles, puffing up at one another. The assailants now looked a lot more like victims. I could understand those birds more than I could humans at least. The loner bird is clearly an odd one out. It’s the only one repeatedly trying to hatch unfertilized eggs it lays, and it seems to always avoid the rest of the flock. Humans may deny the existence of Predator Disease, but they can’t deny that prey and predator both can and will sometimes behave in unnatural ways that may threaten the herd's safety. Or pack’s, in case of humans. Birds must know on instinctual level that the loner’s behavior is unnatural and are attempting to combat the Predator Disease on instinctual level. And since that is natural, I still will not interfere in this, unless the loner bird actually becomes a threat to others or will start getting too injured. The first time I attempted to pick one of the birds up was the only time for a good reason, as I have learned their viciousness all too well.
DING-DING
The sudden loud ring startled me enough that I nearly tumbled off the roof. Who would be coming over now? Lena and Reginald have left together and shouldn’t be back until afternoon, and they’d never use the bell. That means someone must be here for them. But wouldn’t they warn anyone to not come over? Especially with their plans for today.
With nobody to answer these questions, I had no choice but to go and discover the answer myself, flying up and over the house, towards the entrance gate. The moment I passed the house roof, I already saw a familiar silhouette. It was the human child from a few days ago.
Thankfully, Lena’s insistence on me carrying an epipen at all times meant I also carried my satchel at all times too, so I didn’t have to go grabbing my holopad, and took it out. But before I could even launch the translator TTS app to type out a greeting, the child was already hopping in place with excitement.
“Mr. Krekos! Hi! I came over to visit!”, she exclaimed, showing off her teeth in an unnerving expression of human joy. I simply tried to avoid that and focused on the pad, typing out my response.
“Hello, Rosie. Why are you here?”
The question was genuine, as the child was not carrying any more of that honey substance from last time.
“I just came over to visit you! Is that okay? Are Mr. and Ms. Vince okay with it?”
Visit... me? Why? While I was confused, I did instinctively type out a reply.
“They did tell me visitors are allowed as long as there’s no trouble when I first moved in.”
And before I could type a followup message asking her why she’s here, she already let out a joyous roar and ran past me.
“Can I see the chickens?”, she asked, and not waiting for an answer, rushed past the house and towards the cattle yard.
“Wait! You’ll scare them!”, I yell after her, but of course without a translator she can’t understand me as she runs like she already knows where to go.
And indeed she has, quickly rushing up to the open field where the birds were grazing. Thankfully she didn’t start chasing them, instead just approaching the flock from a distance and swaying in place, watching them with what I assume was some sort of predatory excitement at the sight of prey. Maybe that’s where the contained hunting instinct of human children showed themselves? In chasing small birds? I was still more subdued, considering she stopped shy of causing a small stampede, but still.
“Grandpa used to take me with him! He helped watch this farm until Mr. and Ms. Vince moved in. I like chickens! I think they’re cute.”, the child told me innocently as she kept swaying and watching as the beasts grazed upon insects of the pasture.
That revelation was... interesting. I suppose it makes sense that between the original owner of this land dying in the bombings and Lena and Reginald moving in, it would be unattended. With nobody to feed and watch over those things, they would be long dead for sure. And it was Rosie’s grandfather... Speaking of. I typed out my words.
“Does your grandfather know you’re here?”
She seemed to get a weird look as she stopped her excited swaying, fiddling with her hands instead. Looks like I asked the correct question.
“...he knows I am out visiting neighbors.”
That did not answer my question. I squinted at the human child, and she dipped her head as she continued.
“...he doesn’t know I’m here specifically. Or that an alien even lives here...”, she explained, her tone suddenly more sullen.
I couldn’t help but squint at that, and it appears that my expression was readable enough that even a human could see the suspicion, as she continued.
“I’m sorry... But if I told grandpa, he’d tell me I’m forbidden from talking to you, like he forbade me from talking to hedgehog people in town... But I want to talk to you! You’re nice and you’re a space bird!”
The child was actually working around the rules established by her guardian to come see me. I don’t know if I should be glad or concerned. Clearly, the man is anti-alien in his opinions, and I’d rather that kind of man not know about how close he lives to one. At the same time, I’d rather not encourage a child for lying to their guardian in order to meet a stranger they know they aren’t allowed to interact with... So I just took the middle path with my next message.
“I see. What did you want to talk to me about then?”, TTS speaks for me.
Her stiffened body language disappears, replaced again with earlier excitement.
“I wanna know more about space! And aliens! It’s all so cool but grandpa says it’s all dangerous because mom and dad died. But it’s not! The hedgehog people were nice, and you’re nice too!”
I wasn’t sure about that logic, but my self-preservation told me I shouldn’t try convincing her to go confessing. Instead I focused more on her chosen topic.
“I am not sure I am the best person to ask about space. I am not a scientist or traveler.”
“But you’re from there! You know way more than me. I don’t even know what you are called. And there’s gotta be cool things out in space!”
I let out a sigh. I suppose it’s childlike curiosity at its finest. So unfamiliar with mundane that it is a wonder. I remember being like that about becoming a doctor.
I quickly tapped on the pad.
“Okay, I can answer questions, but I may not know everything.”
The noise that came out of the girl was like a squeal of a panicked dossur as she started hopping and spinning in place.
“Yes! Yes! Thank you, Mr. Krekos!” Sudden movement did cause me to recoil a bit, which in turn caused her to cease her happy flailing and adjust her little dress. “I dunno where to start though... Hm... What are you?”
...for all my trepidation about not knowing answers, I should have anticipated that the questions she asks will be rather age-appropriate and on the same level as we learn in our first school classes. At least I won’t disappoint her then.
“I am from a species called ‘krakotl’. We’re avians, as is obvious. Our home is...”
Thankfully she did not question my hesitant pause. Instead she just nodded along.
“What about the hedgehog people? I already know venlil, but they’re the only ones I know name of.”
Hedgehog people in town she mentioned earlier. The only species I could think of that could be seen there would be the gojid. I have no clue what hedgehogs are, but probably some creature with visible similarity to them.
“They are called ‘gojid’, and they’re from gojid Cradle. Both of our species are... well, used to be known for our might and protecting other species of Federation.”
I am not sure if that’s something to brag about, considering... everything. But I didn’t want this child to get brought down with depressing regrets of our species. Let her know something nicer instead. She clearly lost a lot, but there’s still joy left in her. I wouldn’t want to be the one to ruin that.
“Cool! What about other people? I wanna know more!”
And so I went on, telling her about various species, although I mostly focused on ones in this new human-led union, only mentioning kolshians and farsul beyond that. It’s weird explaining to a child what a tilfish or a harchen looks like, but thankfully my holopad isn’t just a method of communicating with implant-less children. With access to interstellar web, I could easily pull up pictures of various alien species to show to her, even if she struggled to believe that some of them were even sapient purely based off of looks. With how varied species in Federation are, and how some of us admittedly aren’t too far physiologically from our more primal ancestors.
Among other topics, she asked me to tell her interesting things, which I didn’t know much of. I told her about Venlil Prime’s tidally locked status, a rarity among habitable planets, much less homeworlds for species. I told her about the unique architecture of Mileau, designed to accommodate both species of regular size and dossur themselves. I told her about Colia medical academies, some of the most beautiful medical facilities in the galaxy.
I wish I was more well-travelled, but I just wasn’t. My whole life, I never left Nishtal until the extermination fleet took me despite my protests. That may have been what saved my life...
“Hey! Stop that!”
I flinched as I heard the child yell, but quickly realized that it wasn’t directed at me. Instead, Rosie was rushing down towards the chicken flock, breaking up the fight in which the loner was being pecked by a few larger chickens. As the human child approached, the birds stopped their infighting and scattered in different directions, crowing in loud panic and discontent. On instinct, I found myself rushing towards the child, forgetting about translation entirely.
“What are you doing?! Don’t touch them!”
I didn’t want her to hurt the cattle accidentally, and I didn’t want her to get hurt by the angry birds in return. But, it seems like the moment the birds scattered, she was satisfied with her actions and turned back to me, wearing another one of her happy smiles.
“Sorry, Mr. Krekos, I just saw chickens being mean. Bad chickens.” She explained.
I was baffled. Why would she interfere like that? When I tried that back when I was just starting, that got me pecked! But with her, the birds just scattered. What if they pecked her?
I took the pad out again and started typing quickly.
“That was dangerous. Why did you do that? What if they attacked you? Why are you even interfering in their natural dynamics?”, questions flowed out of my pad with an artificial human voice.
The girl simply giggled.
“They’re chickens! They aren’t dangerous. They don’t peck that painful and I’ve been scratched worse before. And I have to stop it because bullying is wrong.”
Then she actually noticed that the one that was being attacked wandered close. She casually approached it from behind, the blind spot and just reached down and grabbed it, picking the bird up. I was ready to rush to help the bird when...
“Mwah! There, all better.”
She did a human ‘kiss’ on the back of the cattle bird’s neck before releasing it, the surprise of it causing it to rush off. I knew what kisses were, I’ve seen enough of them between Lena and Reginald, but I believed they were gestures of intimate affection, not... what was even that?
It seems Rosie noticed my confusion as she explained.
“You gotta kiss it so it heals better! That’s what mom taught me.” The child displayed that smile of hers shamelessly. With how much I was being exposed to it, it almost wasn’t unnerving anymore. Still, it was interesting to learn that kisses are seen as something that helps wounds. I guess some species do have saliva with mild antiseptic properties, wouldn’t be too out there to assume humans are the same. And if that’s the case, maybe that’s how the kissing tradition started? Exchange of protective fluid between lovers?
“I see. I did not know that.” I responded before letting my puffed feathers relax. Okay, this whole ‘watching a human child’ thing is turning out to somehow be even more stressful than I expected at first.
“Wait, Mr. Krekos, what time is it?” She suddenly asked, looking up at the sky.
“It’s nearly twelve.” I respond, holopad having a convenient clock for local time.
“Oh no! I need to be home soon! Was nice seeing you Mr. Krekos gotta go bye!”
Before I had even a chance at typing out an answer or my own goodbye, the child sprinted away and back towards the entrance. I had to take flight just to keep up, and even then she just turned around, waved her arm at me and then kept sprinting down the road after leaving the gate. I simply offered a small wave of a wing back before locking the gate again. I suppose it is hard to keep track of time without a device or clock nearby...
Well, at least I had the usual peace and quiet now. And learned a bit more about the creatures I was in charge of. I should really try to deal with my aversion to looking things up on the human internet...
Just as I was about to head back out towards the yard, I heard a loud car horn, a familiar one, getting my attention. Lena’s car. There they were, signaling me, probably having spotted me at the gate from afar. Deciding to make use of my presence here, and hoping to avoid needing to explain that I had a surprise visitor earlier, I went ahead and opened the large gate, allowing the car to enter.
Once it was parked in the usual space, the doors opened and three people came out. Lena and Reginald were both looking a bit disheveled, but their faces carried these smiles that seemed wider than ever before. And third person... Was a stranger. A human I knew of, but never actually met. As he exited the car, a large bag in one hand, he just stared at me, standing in the front yard...
“...okay, I expected many things when I was told you guys housed a refugee, but not this.”
Oh no. Oh no, he was not one of the ones that was willing to overlook an invader that partook in bombing of his planet being allowed to walk free, of course, Lena and Reginald were the weird ones like that, doesn’t mean their son won’t be... I felt the panic rising as I realized I’d need to return to the camp. Why was I upset about that? This was supposed to just have been a way to make money, but now I have a free education program. Do I need to stay? No, but... Why?! Why do I not want to leave?
“Ken, you said it’s going to be alright no matter what it is, right? Wanted us to keep it a surprise to meet a new friend?” Lena’s voice. She should have told him, that’d give me time to prepare why didn’t they give me time why.
“No, no problems, just, really surprised, that’s all... uh... hey, buddy, you okay? You’re really... trembly.”
He was approaching me, and instinct took over as I recoiled, before stuttering out my answer.
“I-I’m fine...”
...thankfully translators don’t translate voice cracks. I hope, at least...
“Hey, relax... I have no problem with you being a krakotl, I just didn’t think...” He looks over at Lena and Reginald. “Calm down... I can wear my visor if you want?”
Right. Those things humans use to hide their scary faces from us.
“I... I’m good...”
There was some emotion I struggled to read on the young human’s face, as he sighed and shook his head.
“I screwed this up, I’m sorry. Let... Let me try again.” He straightened out, and adjusted his clothing, before slowly approaching me and giving me a small smile, no teeth showing. “Hello. My name is Kenneth Vince and I'm son of Lena and Reginald Vince. I was told you’re a refugee they took in to help out. It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?”
That... snapped me out of it. Right... He was... not upset at my existence. He was just very surprised that Lena and Reginald weren’t. That’s a reasonable thing to be surprised about, considering I was surprised about it to this day. I tried to compose myself as I responded.
“My name is Krekos. I live here as... hired help with the cattle. It’s... nice to meet you?”
The smile on Kenneth’s face widens, though he still refrains from showing his teeth. Instead, he extends a hand towards me. A handshake is a human gesture that I found far from comfortable, but I didn’t want to give him a reason to change his mind on acceptability of my existence, so I took it with a wingclaw. He gently took it and held for a few seconds before letting go and sighing again, turning to his parents.
“You know, I always thought you guys would be empty nesters, but I never thought it’d be that literal.”
That got all three of them laughing, as I just tilted my head in confusion. I was fairly sure there were no empty nests in the house until after I adjusted the attic room for my own accommodations. Still, I took the laughter as a sign that the tense moment had fully passed and let my ruffled feathers slowly rest.
“Let’s head inside. Krekos, we’re having dinner, you’re welcome to join us.” Reginald said, picking up Kenneth’s bag. I tilted my head a little and he followed up with elaboration. “We will be having meat... But there’s still going to be stuff you can eat too. It’s a celebration, so I prepared a bit of everything.”
“Dad, you shouldn’t have!” Kenneth responded with embarrassment.
“None of that! Our son returned from the war, alive and a hero, and we can have a celebration. Krekos, I know you’re still... uncertain about meat so you don’t—”
“I’ll join.”
Wait, who said that? And why did they say that in my voice?
Wait, that was me. Why did I say that?
“That’s great to hear! I’ve got some nice steamed broccoli and some vegetarian fried rice as sides that you’ll enjoy!” Reginald smiled at me and I felt myself shrinking into my feathers. That the humans didn’t notice at least, proceeding into the house instead.
Well, looks like I signed my warrant. At least my bag and my epipen were on me in case something at the table triggers the allergy again. Would be rather unfortunate to have it happen two days in a row.
And that’s how, in just ten or so minutes, I found myself sitting at the dining perch, while humans took seats in chairs, all consuming chunks of roasted flesh and somehow managing to also stuff pieces of equally roasted plants in, and converse with one another. You wouldn’t be able to tell on first look, but despite their mouths being relatively small, especially for a predator, it seems they compensate for it by having those be near bottomless in both hunger and small talk.
I am not sure how I managed to shift my focus away from them consuming animal matter in front of me, however vat grown it might have been, and onto their conversation instead, but I succeeded. I suppose that was just part of me going native around predators. Soon, I’ll be the one feasting along with them before I know it, and snacking on those epipens to not die of it.
“So, Fahl? That’s where you were sent after the Battle of Earth?” Lena asked.
“Yeah. From what I heard, we got a light posting compared to guys at Sillis or Mileau. The most I had to deal with was some exterminator insurgents.”
That’s right. Since harchen participated in the Extermination Fleet, they were one of those who were occupied by humans during the war. It makes sense that there was at least some ground resistance.
“Honestly, the worst thing out there was the heat. Not the flamethrower kind, the climate. The place was so damn dry and hot. At least exterminators you could subdue or evade. Not so much with the scorching sun!”
I couldn’t resist a small chuckle at the idea of a predator being more afraid of hot weather than flamethrowers as I slowly pecked at the vegetables on my plate. Thankfully it was set far enough aside from any meat dishes that no contamination should occur, but I was still examining pieces before putting them in my mouth just in case.
Seems like reacting was a mistake though, as that brought Kenneth’s attention onto me. He finished chewing latest piece of flesh and pointed a fork at me.
“So, Krekos... Where are you from? Cradle was my guess, but I do know there were refugees from other places like Sillis too.”
That’s a weird question. Isn’t it kind of to be expected for a krakotl to be from our actual homeworld?”
“I’m from Nishtal.”
“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Kenneth chuckled, tossing a piece of broccoli into his mouth and swallowing before continuing, “I meant, where did you live? I kind of assumed you were born there, but it’s not like Nishtal had a chance to send refugees out, and if they did, this is the last place they’d be.”
Oh... I caught concerned looks of Lena and Reginald, looking between me and Kenneth from both sides. Not only did they not make him aware that I was a krakotl, they also neglected to mention just how I came by my refugee status... Which was just a legal workaround to grant me asylum without unnecessary complications or establishing undesirable precedent. Legally, I may be a refugee, but practically... I am a defector. Lena and Reginald know that, I told them my story before. And while they were weirdly accepting, Kenneth... Fought extermination fleet here on Earth. Personally.
Still, I wasn’t about to lie. It took a few moments and gathering mental strength to steel myself, and averting my eyes, focusing on the plate of warm vegetables in front of me rather than the human’s anticipating stare before I answered.
“I did live on Nishtal. I... I came with the extermination fleet.” I responded, doing my best to avoid looking at him. I did not want to witness his reaction, for some reason the thought of seeing it weighed heavy on my mind.
“Oh.”
The response was simple, and had no followup. There was no more clinking of cutlery against plates, or chewing. The only thing hanging in the air of the kitchen was silence, weighing down on me. It dragged on and on... until it just got so unbearable I couldn’t take it.
“I-I’m full... Thank you for the meal.” I quickly said, hopping off the perch and stepping out of the kitchen, quickly making my way to the yard and taking flight.
Fresh air of the outside and rush of it as I flew up and gained speed... I missed that. I knew it’s not safe to just fly over other people’s territory, so I corrected my course into doing large sweeping circles over the cattle yard and simply let my wings carry me.
I closed my eyes. With them closed and not focusing on my angle it feels like I’m actually flying away from all the troubles. Away from humans who barely tolerate my existence, away from gojid who see me as worse than a predator, away from Earth and all its incorrigible customs, away from horrid cattle, away from constant memories...
Flying feels nice. It may be a bit harder than it was home, but it’s still possible. I heard that on Venlil Prime or Mileau it’s much harder. But here? Just an extra flap of wings for every few paces and you’re just fine, free to soar the skies...
Slowly I let my eyes open back to the bleak reality. Greenery of surrounding pastures and woods, bright blue skies and farmhouses dotted about here and there greeted me. I lowered my gaze down, focusing on what’s below. There they were, fourteen brown and black dots spread around the enclosed portion of the farm territory. I am not sure how much time I’ve spent flying in circles and trying to forget things but my wings were feeling a tad sore. Then as I just began slow descent, in same circular motion, I noticed that one of the birds, a familiar one, was being chased by several others. Recounting the morning, I tried putting the knowledge to action, and shifted direction of descent, swooping down. To my surprise, that actually worked, as the moment I got close to the ground, the cattle birds all got much louder and scattered in all directions, including the loner. Who, at least this time, got off unharmed. I suppose such pathetic flightless creatures would fear a flying one much more than they would when I just run up to them...
With the fight preemptively broken up, I flutter up to the roof of the cattle house, to my usual position and rested my wings. I didn’t see any movement from the direction of the house, so I suppose the family is still busy unpacking. Since Kenneth joined the military just before the Battle of Earth, and Lena and Reginald only moved here after their actual house in city of New York got destroyed, it’d be the first time the human is seeing what is basically his new home. There was a room set aside for him since before I even moved in, and while there is also a guest room... That one did not have a large enough window to fit through, which did not feel comfortable. So when I asked for a space with a bigger window they only had an attic to offer. They seemed uncomfortable letting me live in a tiny room with slanted roof, but I found such space more comforting than I would have a large room with a window not large enough to fit even one fully spread wing through.
I wonder if Kenneth will need as much renovation as I did? The house is built for humans, but he never lived there before. Will he need to buy a more comfortable bed? Getting a proper nesting setup in place of a bed took a bit of effort, but I figured something out. Human sheets were comfortable enough for such, and sitting perches were thankfully not that hard to get thanks to help from the refugee administration. Maybe that’s the things that Lena went to buy yesterday? Kenneth’s preferred room decor?
I looked up to the sky to see the sun beginning to dim. I am not sure if it was me flying that long, or me losing track of time in my thoughts again, but the sun was beginning to set. I began my usual chores, putting out an evening meal and water for the beasts, and while they feasted, ate some myself. I was a bit hungry, having not properly finished lunch and about to skip dinner, but after the earlier conversation, I’d really rather avoid giving them the opportunity to talk to me.
After the birds had their fill, and by that I mean they emptied the tray as they always do, I let out the call, and they started funneling into the cattle house. The lonely straggler being first to go and hop into its nesting box. I bet tomorrow I will have trouble with getting her out of there again...
I took the moment to gather some eggs the birds left over course of the day, and once that was over and all of them were accounted for, I closed it up. When I flew down over to the house, there wasn’t anyone by the back door thankfully, so I just left eggs there, returned the basket, and returned to my room through the window.
Well, at least I didn’t get nearly killed today... That’s nice I guess?
I was about to check my holopad when there was a knock on the door. I approached and opened it to see... Kenneth. Standing in the doorway.
“Uh, hi, Krekos. I just, uh... Wanted to apologize again. I really wish mom and dad told me everything ahead of time... I just want you to know, I have no problems with you whatsoever, yeah? It’s just. Surprising, I guess, to hear all that. I didn’t think there were any defectors from the fleet at all... Just. Uh, please don’t worry about me?” He offered me a small smile, showing his canines before quickly correcting himself and doing a closed-lip one. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories or make you feel unwelcome.”
I had to take a moment to contemplate his words. Was Lena and Reginald’s weirdness hereditary? He almost reminded me of how Reginald talked to me early on, with constant stumbling over the words, as well as constant reassurances that he is fine with me being here. Couple that with failing to avoid predatory mannerisms like eye contact and smiles like Lena tends to and you get this human. But most importantly and least understandably, there was the general fact of him and them just... welcoming me. I couldn’t understand why. I should be one sorry to them.
“N-No, it’s fine... I’m sorry for... intruding on you and your family.”
“No, no, dude, you’re fine! I mean, hell, I was considering entering one of those exchange programs before the bombings happened, and even after, well, I did my best at Fahl to be the perfect friendly soldier just there to make sure no more bombs drop on my home and not kill or conquer anyone. And then mom told me your story, and I can’t believe it... Just... If you have any issues, feel free to tell me. I’m not one of those racist pricks that are too pussy to even call themselves HF anymore because they know they’ll get their teeth knocked. I get that there aren't good or bad species, just people. And you seem like a decent guy if mom and dad’s judgment is to be trusted.” His smile widened, though it was clear from tension on his face that he had to take conscious effort to keep teeth hidden. “So, what I said earlier stands. Friends, right?”
He extends hand forward, for a second time today. I wasn’t sure if I knew this human long enough to call him a friend... Any human really. But it also seems like human definition of ‘friends’ is anyone they’re cordial and peaceful with. Which is weird. You’d think translators would properly use ‘acquaintance’ for that.
Still... We will be living in the same house now. I can’t just say no, and... I can’t come up with a reason to say no. Even him being a predator and a human is not something I could really say I object to, considering how... mundane that became to me over my time here.
So, with naught on my mind but acceptance of the situation, I extended my wing and grasped his hand with my claw. This time he actually gripped it tightly and moved it up and down, as I saw other humans do occasionally.
“Yeah... I guess that’d be for the best.” I responded, shrugging off the hesitation. Fresh start for a third time, I guess?
The human grinned, forgetting to hide his teeth entirely, but I was ready for it somehow and avoided outwardly reacting.
“Cool! Anyway, I’ll try to get some shuteye early, I couldn’t sleep on the overnight flight home. See ya!”
And with that he left. Well... That meeting went well I suppose?
I returned to my nest and picked up my holopad, returning to what I was doing. And there it was, something I awaited every day. A notification that I was messaged on mailing app. Opening the letter revealed the schedule for the study program. Which... only had one day marked on it. And a note that the rest of it will be figured out ‘as we go from there’. So it’s not a schedule, it’s just a mark for the day of the first meeting.
While a bit underwhelming, it was still exciting. It would be an all-alien class so I wouldn’t have to deal with humans’ incomprehensibility nearly as much, and it would allow me to finally return to pursuing what I actually dreamt of. Even if I wasn’t entirely sure that was precisely what I wanted after everything that happened, it was at least something for me to move towards.
...just two days until start. I wonder if there’s some required reading to prepare?