Me (24F) and my boyfriend (26M) just started living together. I’m starting to feel a bit unsure about him. I’m not sure if it’s one thing or a cluster of things. Both my boyfriend and I are pretty “innocent”, like I grew up religious and never had sex with anyone, he’s not religious but he never slept with anyone or did anything sexual other than kissing (he only briefly dated one girl on and off), the longest he dated her was 4 months and they kept breaking up, they didn’t really do anything other than kissing, he never met her parents, she never slept over, they didn’t have restaurant dates or anything, and she never had dinner with his parents either.
Him and I started dating and we did all these things, we were best friends for 2 years before dating, I was dating another guy for a while, he said he always liked me, even when I was dating that other guy. He’s very very affectionate with me and sweet and loving and caring. We dated for a bit and then separated because my ex was very mentally devastated, but then got back together after 5 months. We’ve been dating for 8 months now and moving in together. However, recently I have been having some doubts, I’m not sure if these are normal doubts or it’s just because I’m not super experienced with relationships?
Here are the reasons I have doubts: - When we started dating for the second time, I saw that he would visit pages on Reddit like jennaortegalust, madisonbeersofine, and florencepughNSFW. This made me feel weird and I asked him, and he said he used to search those when he was single and this whole relationship thing is new to him so he’s not used to not doing those, but he did stop and hasn’t looked at those in months (from what I know).

• He looked up his ex a couple times a month when we first started dating. Her and him were hanging out when him and I first started seeing each other and he didn’t want to hangout with her and I wanted a relationship with him, so I told him to tell her he’s dating someone else now (he told her that and stopped talking to her). I found out he searched her up in instagram a couple times the following months. I get it, people get curious, I search up my ex from time to time as well. But his ex is kinda petty so she randomly blocked him on instagram and everything, and then I saw he was looking at her sister’s profile a couple times? And he searched her family up in Facebook. We were dating for four months by this point. He only looked them up once or twice a month the first five months we were dating but I still feel weird? Especially looking at her sister’s profile after his ex blocked him? He did hangout with both of them a couple times in the summer before we got together so it could have been just curiosity. It looks like he hasn’t really looked them up since January or February but I still feel a bit icky. Does this mean he wasn’t over his ex when we started dating even though he swore he was? Even when him and I were friends and not dating those few months, he said he was trying to cut her off because he just can’t be himself or open with her as she seems too polite or fake. But then why search her or her family up when we started dating?
  
• He can lie about these things to make me feel better like he’ll be like “I was over her the second time we broke up” but then why look her up at all. He does look up a lot of things out of curiosity but I still feel weird. And also the looking up celebrities thing, but he hasn’t done that in 6 months.
  
• He has expressed he loves me multiple times but does not say it outright. We’ve only been dating for 8 months so I guess it’s fair.
  

I just want to know if these are valid concerns and a reason as to why I’m unsure about him? Other than that, he’s such a loving and caring boyfriend, constantly cooking me breakfast and showering me with love and kisses. Also he basically wanted me to move in with him so bad that he kept saying he’ll do all the chores and garbage and everything. I used to feel really attracted to him and I used to think I loved him.
But because of the reasons above, I just don’t feel that love for him anymore or strong romantic feelings and just don’t think he’s that pure (not everyone’s definition of pure but I grew up pretty conservative). My ex would barely go online and was very into the outdoors, so I don’t know if I’m comparing my bf to my ex in terms of how often they go online and just look up things. I did talk to my boyfriend about searching up his ex before, he said he did it out of curiosity and after a while you just forget about exes and stop doing that, and he told me how he was over her the second time they dated, because she was flaky and too polite with him where he didn’t know her properly and couldn’t be open with her, and did tell me multiple times he wanted to stop hanging out with her while they were hanging out but didn’t know how to say it to her (he told me this even when we were friends, not dating), as she can be quite emotional and was suicidal at one point. Anyway, not sure how to move forward, I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if these are valid reasons. I feel bad as he’s so kind to me and constantly takes care of me and looks after me, he even said I was the only girl he ever thought about saying the L word to (again, didn’t say it outright, but talked about how he wanted to say it to me). Sorry if this post is a bit long, but any advice is helpful.

LOOOONG first time trip report! 5/13-5/18, stayed at Beach Club, visited all four parks, bought Genie+ every day, had the standard DDP. Family of 4, two girls 5 and 9. I learned so much from this group over the past year and especially loved trip reports, so hopefully this post will be helpful to someone!
💲BUDGET💲
-- I booked the trip a year out so I could break it up into 12 manageable payments. I opened the no fee Disney VISA, which gives you several months of no interest on charges made towards Disney travel packages, rewards dollars to use at Disney, and a couple other perks like character meet and greets and discounts.
-- I signed up for Disney Movie Insiders. This is what you're supposed to do with all those little codes that come in Disney DVDs/Blurays. You enter the codes in exchange for points, and at 1000 points, you can redeem for a $10 Disney gift card. You also get points for being subscribed to Disney+, seeing Disney movies in the theater, their social media accounts, and a whole bunch of other things. I got $50 in gift cards from this alone.
-- If you want Disney-themed luggage, try thinking outside the box to save money! I got plain luggage in Mickey colors--red and black--and Mickey luggage tags to make them Disney themed.
-- I tried to budget for souvenirs via gift cards... but I failed, lol. Everything is so expensive, $100 is gone in a second. Plushes are like $40, coffee cups are $20, etc. Whatever you're planning to spend, double it! I get what people say about most shops having the same stuff, but it's definitely not all of them, most of the ones post-ride have unique stuff. And honestly it's kind of nice most of them have the same stuff, if you want to get whatever your kid was asking for earlier, you don't have to walk all the way back to the one shop you saw it at.
-- We paid for Memory Maker and I'm on the fence about it. On the one hand, it's really nice to get all the ride photos and meet and greet photos and magic shots. It's also really nice for the whole family to be in a lot of pictures and not have to swap with the other adult or find someone willing to take your picture. On the other, we definitely didn't utilize it as much as I wanted to because a lot of the photographers had pretty long lines and I just didn't want to spend time waiting for a picture I could take myself. If we came across someone with a shortish or no line, we made sure to get it, but for anyone with a long line, we just stood around the same spot and took our own.
🗓️PLANNING🗓️
-- If you have kids and live within easy driving distance of another amusement park, highly recommend making a visit BEFORE going to Disney to get an idea of how they handle that kind of day/environment, especially if they have never been. I quickly discovered we would absolutely need a stroller and I would need to be militant with the kids about staying hydrated. Also to avoid face paint, as heat + tears + paint + eyes = bad day! I felt so much better making these discoveries beforehand and being able to prepare accordingly, rather than making them at Disney.
-- USE AN AGENT! An agent is free to you, so why not have the help? Ours was amazing, she gave us quotes, booked the package, rebooked as needed later when a better deal came out, made all the payments, dining and extra reservations, and was just all-around awesome to work with. It was such a load off to know I wasn't on my own with all this stuff.
-- Watch everything Ear Scouts. No one explains Genie+ better, and Rob and Erick's videos are just so positive and beautiful and well done.
-- I also enjoyed reading Disney Tourist Blog--lovingly snarky but super informative!--and Disney Food Blog for fun tips and news.
-- I didn't find any park to be a half day park, we filled our whole day in every one and still didn't see everything!
-- My kids did really well, whenever they were on the verge of cranky, we had one ride in the stroller for a while, bought a snack (usually ice cream or popcorn), and used the bubble wand, and/or gave them some ibuprofen, and everyone felt better pretty quick. We never tried to do fireworks, we were all done by 8 so always left after dinner. The only park we closed down was EPCOT because we didn't get out of dinner until after close, and that was a really cool experience, the park was so quiet and empty and beautiful!
-- You don't NEED a Magic Band... but man, was it convenient. We just had 1.0 Magic Bands though, we didn't bother with the 2.0s.
-- I guess moving through security fast is important to people rope dropping... but as someone who didn't, it added like maybe 30 seconds to a minute to the experience the couple times my bag got flagged, it's really not a big deal.
-- I'm not saying anyone's lying about bad experiences or exaggerating or anything, but try to remember that far more people go on the Internet to complain than they do to praise. I got so stressed about all the things that could go wrong, and we had a pretty much perfect trip. The only attraction that broke down on us was Muppetvision, of all things. The only "bad behavior" we witnessed was the morning we were leaving, we could hear a dad across the hall yelling at his family, I think they overslept and were going to miss their flight or something? We just turned the TV on so we didn't have to hear him. A couple times we forgot to take our stuff with us when we parked our stroller or forgot some food in it, and neither people nor animals bothered it. The only dicey thing that happened to us was me dropping my phone into the Dumbo moat, the cast members fished it out and it still worked, I sent them a cast compliment for all their help! All the cast members were great, I'm not really sure what people expect but IMO they all do amazing for having to be peppy and helpful all day in absolutely blazing heat, walking a ride conveyer belt nonstop, repeating the same spiels over and over, meeting person after person, etc. I wouldn't last a 2 hour shift let alone 8. Cast members, you rock!!!
✈️TRAVEL✈️
-- We flew Delta, flight there was flawless, flight home was delayed by an hour waiting for crew and was a little bumpy (which is not great for a nervous flyer like me) but otherwise fine.
-- Get TSA PreCheck! Good for a few years, if the adults have it the kids have it too. It made the whole experience so much easier. That said, even PreCheck still moves kind of slow at MCO, so definitely get there at least 2 hours early for your flight. Use curbside check-in for bags, way faster than the long line inside!
-- On our agent's recommendation, we used Away We Go for ground transport in Orlando. They communicate really well, both ways were flawless, no complaints!
-- We used Minnie Vans to get to Animal Kingdom + Sanaa and Magic Kingdom, what a wonderful service! Definitely pricey, but they had cartoons on in the car, booster seats they set up for you, and the drivers were so nice and friendly and had fun trivia to share. I never had any problem requesting one when I needed it.
⛱️BEACH CLUB⛱️
-- We knew we wanted an onsite hotel where you could walk to at least one park. This pretty much limits you to a handful of Deluxe hotels or the Swan and Dolphin. Beach Club won for us because it's "in the Disney bubble" and you can walk to 2/4 parks. Note that while you can technically walk to Hollywood Studios, it is a LOOOONG walk. The boat is a nice not crowded alternative! We did not make use of Early Entry or Extended Hours, we're just not built for either. Beach Club was lovely, we booked a resort view but I think we ended up with a water view, we were right by the quiet pool and could see the water beyond from our room. Stormalong Bay was a little crazy for us but we loved the quiet pool. Best thing about Beach Club though is the location, EPCOT is literally steps away!
🌳ANIMAL KINGDOM🌳
-- We had read that there's really no bad day to do AK, so we started there. We rode: Navi River Journey, Flight of Passage, Kali River Rapids, Everest, Kilimanjaro Safaris, Triceratops Spin, and Dinosaur--so pretty much everything! With Genie+ we walked onto all of them. We also met Moana, Pocahontas, and Russell! The only thing we didn't do here that we wanted to was the Gorilla Falls trail, but we just ran out of time before the park closed.
🌐EPCOT🌐
-- We had read to avoid EPCOT on Fridays and Saturdays, so we went on Wednesday. We rode: Grand Fiesta Tour, Living with the Land, Nemo, Spaceship Earth, Imagination with Figment, Frozen, Remy, Journey of Water, and Guardians--everything we wanted! Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! We also met Anna and Elsa! Tried a couple of Flower and Garden snacks: chicken and waffles, fruit and cheese strudel, and potato pancakes, all were delicious! Everyone had a different favorite day, but EPCOT was personally my favorite day, it felt like we were firing on all cylinders and the day just went really smoothly!
🏰MAGIC KINGDOM🏰
-- We had read that Wednesdays were the quietest days at MK, so we were originally going to try to do it that day, but we could only get a reservation for Cinderella's Royal Table on Thursday, so we switched it up. Definitely the most crowded of all the parks we visited, but I think that's just the norm for MK, everyone wants to go to the castle park with the most rides. We rode: Regal Carousel, Tomorrowland Speedway, Barnstormer, Magic Carpets, Mad Tea Party, People Mover, Dumbo, Small World, Little Mermaid, Pirates, Space Ranger Spin, Jungle Cruise, TRON, and Peter Pan. Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! The only ride we missed at this park that we wanted to do was Pooh, I couldn't manage to get a return time that was earlier than we planned on leaving. Outside of our character meals (more on those in the dining section!) we also met Mirabel, Tiana, and Rapunzel! We had both the Rapunzel and Aurora ice creams, both so good and cute!
🎬HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS🎬
-- We had read that, like MK, it's better to do HS later in the week, so we went Friday. We rode: Slinky, Alien Saucers, Toy Story Mania, Rise, Smuggler's Run, Runaway Railway. Again, with Genie+, we walked right onto everything! The only ride we missed was Tower of Terror, again I couldn't manage to get a return time that was earlier than we planned on leaving. We also met Olaf, be aware Olaf doesn't sign stuff, they just give you a signature card. This park needs more shade IMO, especially Toy Story Land, I know it's supposed to be Andy's backyard, but I don't see why that means we can't have some shade from trees or something. 🤪 Blue milk from Galaxy's Edge was really good, the family was all fighting over it!
🍽️DINING🍽️
-- We almost certainly lost some money on the DDP, but I'm still glad we got it because it allowed us to do more table service meals and have less stress overall about expenses. We easily used up everything but child quick service credits, we had a few of those left over near the end.
Here's where we ate!
BOARDWALK DELI/PIZZA WINDOW: Pizza for the kids, sandwiches for the adults. Tasty and satisfying after our day of travel!
BEACHES AND CREAM: Got the kitchen sink for the experience, but honestly it's not great, all the ice cream and toppings melt together quick and you just end up with weird ice cream soup.
SAT'ULI CANTEEN: LOVED this place, everything was so yummy! Best quick service we had!
SANAA: Since Animal Kingdom closes so early, we thought we'd try to extend the experience by eating at Sanaa. What a great idea, we got seated right by a window and saw so many animals! The food was great too.
AKERSHUS: Our favorite princess meal! We met Aurora, Tiana, Snow White, Ariel, and Belle. They were all lovely, and the breakfast was really good too. Only 1 credit on the DDP!
GARDEN GRILL: Our kids really enjoyed getting to look down over Living with the Land and the fact that the restaurant spins. We met Farmer Mickey, Pluto, and Chip and Dale. They were fun and even came to our table more than once. Food was good!
SPACE 220: Not on the DDP, but wow, what a cool restaurant! Almost like a ride with the theming and the elevator up. Food was really good.
CINDERELLA'S ROYAL TABLE: You gotta eat in the castle! We paid for it OOP because we didn't want to use up 2 DDP credits here. You're really going for the location and the princesses, the food is kinda meh, not bad but not as good as other places. The restaurant is small and they have to turn tables quick, so it's very understandable to me that the princesses have to move fast. It's not that they rush you, they'll take all the pictures you ask for and sign whatever and answer your questions, but if you don't have much you need, they try to keep moving. Akershus is much bigger so they are able to be more relaxed there. The only small bummer is that we didn't see Merida (maybe she was on vacation too!) We did meet Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, and Aurora though!
CRYSTAL PALACE: We are not big on buffets but we enjoyed meeting Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore and Tigger!
TOPOLINO'S: Maybe the best food of the trip, steak and eggs were so good! The character artist costumes are so cute too. It was fun to have an excuse to ride the Skyliner to get here from Beach Club too.
DOCKING BAY 7: The theming is great, but the food wasn't as good as Satuli Canteen IMO.
THE MARKET AT ALE & COMPASS: We had quick service credits we wanted to use up on the last day and we didn't want to leave the resort again, otherwise I would have gone somewhere else, food was meh.
✨EXTRAS✨
-- I originally wanted to book Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique for my kids, but it's so expensive/competitive that I decided to didn't want the stress. Instead I booked Have Wand, Will Travel to come to our room and bought dresses from Presley Couture and Only Little Once. I chose Have Wand, Will Travel because they keep character throughout. Fairy Godmother Elyse was amazing and so much fun, my kids loved it and kept talking about it all day!
-- That same morning I ordered a Sammicakes breakfast box with beignets for us to eat. I also ordered a pretend letter from Tiana on Etsy to make it seem like the breakfast came from Tiana. My kids also loved this and had fun telling Tiana about it both times we met her. Sammicakes was good but a LOT of food, sadly we didn't end up eating half of it. It can last you at least 3 days!
-- Matching shirts and ear hats, all from Etsy! So many cool designs there, hardest part is choosing!
-- Got my kids a pin trading lanyard with some pins, they loooooved pin trading! It was like free souvenirs.
🧳PACKING🧳
-- Things the Internet Told Me to Pack That I Needed: Scissors, ziploc bags, ibuprofen (kids and adults), garbage bags.
-- Things the Internet Told Me to Pack that I Didn't Need: stainless steel straws (the paper straws are more like cardboard, they really don't break down unless your kid is gnawing on them or something), ponchos (it did rain some most days, but wearing a poncho was almost more miserable than not wearing one, it's so hot and humid to be walking around in a plastic bag! We did better taking shelter and using umbrellas.), wipes (obv you need them if your kid is younger, but mine were older and just never got messy enough to need them.), glow sticks (we never stayed anywhere long enough to use them.) Basically, the less you can get away carrying in the parks, the better. It's annoying to lug stuff around you don't end up needing or using!
🛞STROLLER🛞
-- I know it seems insane that your 5 year old and 9 year old will need a stroller, but mine definitely did. Once I accepted that I was going to have to get one, I tried to make the best of it, and actually got really into decorating it so we could always easily spot it in the sea (the decorations also later made nice wall decor for a gallery of our trip!) The Magic Spotter flag was the best investment, hardly anyone had them so it was easy to instantly spot our stroller anywhere we left it, even if it got moved. That said, I definitely didn't want to spend a lot on a stroller we were really only buying for this one trip, so I got a used Joovy Caboose on Facebook Marketplace for $50. It was very hard to handle with two older kids in it, and even with one it was hard to handle unless the kid was in the back seat. So we basically used it like a single stroller, glad I didn't spend a lot on it since it was so hard to drive!
☔WEATHER☔
-- We had mostly great weather, it rained some every day except Magic Kingdom day but it passed within an hour each time. We wore socks with Crocs so that if/when it rained, we could just take our wet socks off and walk in our Crocs, this worked great! Don't trust the weather reports though, two days it wasn't supposed to rain. One day it actually didn't, the other day it did and we had to walk in wet shoes because we didn't wear the Crocs that day. Just figure it might rain any day and be prepared! See above note RE: ponchos being not great and shelter + umbrellas being better. When it didn't rain, It. Was. Hot. 🥵 In the 90s but definitely felt hotter with the humidity making it so sticky. We felt there was plenty of shade at Animal Kingdom and EPCOT, but hardly any at Magic Kingdom and Hollywood Studios, which I would say slightly affected how much fun we had on those days comparatively.
Phew! That's about it, let me know if you have any questions!

I've just finished my first year at college and come back to my hometown to work the issue is that the two jobs I had lined up to work fell through out of nowhere. I've worked in the restaurant industry since I was thirteen and saved almost everything to pay for college since I don't come from much. I worked for three years at one restaurant as a server and hostess around the end of high school, I was meant to resign the week before I left for college but something happened that changed that.
In July I was sexually assaulted by a customer, he was one of the regulars who was way too comfortable with the staff and at one point I'm pretty sure he had a picture of my coworker off her Instagram as his lock screen. I didn't take kindly to being assaulted and harassed by a drunk regular so I refused to serve him any longer and went straight to my manager who said she would get someone else to serve him. I thought that they would've just kicked him out but no.
One of my coworkers had a knack for stirring drama, I'll call her Sofia (A little off-topic but the dishwasher house burnt down and she cried the entire shift, making sure to tell every customer that the poor dishwasher was homeless despite his wishes for her not to do so) so she somehow found my mother on Facebook and sent her a message asking her if my family was okay with what happened to me. This was roughly an hour after it happened, I hadn't even been on my phone and didn't plan to tell anyone until I got home even though I requested to leave early and was denied.
My mother tends to freak out at the slightest of things and this wasn't the slightest of things. She began to blow up my phone which was left in the staff room and when I didn't answer she started calling the work phones, screaming into the phones and demanding to talk to me. My manager was very annoyed and I went into the staff room to call her, my dad was calling my cellphone at the same time my mother was sobbing into the work phone. Eventually, the stress got to me and I started to cry, which caught the attention of the restaurant owner who I'm calling Mark. After I hung up on my mom Mark asked what was going on so I told him.
I was shocked by his reaction, he seemed unphased and simply told me I could leave early and followed by saying "I'm going to give you a piece of advice, I'm not trying to say it's your fault but it kind of is when you put yourself in these situations, you need to stop hanging around these people and change your lifestyle so this doesn't happen." My jaw was on the floor.
By this time my brother had shown up to pick me up from my mother's orders and heard this (he was directed into the staff room by Sofia), he told my boss to shut his fucking mouth or he was going to break his jaw. My brother is in the military, 6'3 and pretty jacked, I had no doubt that he would break my boss's jaw. I told my brother just to leave and wait in the car, I had to drag him by the arm out of the restaurant.
I spent the next week crying on the couch while I watched every single Marvel movie, I quit the day after the assault without notice since my dad told me that only good employers deserve the two-week notice. One of my friends was really upset when I told her what happened and called the restaurant to chew them out even though I asked her not to, the person on the other end was Sofia who had interpreted my friend's rant as me having killed myself. It was nine am and she was running around the restaurant telling all of the staff I had killed myself and even told the customers that I was dead. She was apparently sobbing and shaking while hugging one of the line cooks. The staff were freaked out and decided to call Mark since they didn't know what to do.
I would like to say that every single person working had my phone number, including Mark but instead of shooting me a text or call they called the RCMP. At nine am I was making scrambled eggs and was met by a loud banging on the door which was two RCMP officers asking if I had taken any pills or attempted to end my own life, I was so confused, I just told them that they might have the wrong person. They told me that Mark had ordered a wellness check. Not only did the RCMP arrive but so did the police as well as paramedics and I was taken to be put on suicide watch in the hospital despite insisting that I wasn't suicidal in any way shape or form and was very mentally stable. I was in the hospital for one week, and though this isn't very relevant I want to add that Sofia didn't message, call, or visit me once even though she seemed so distressed that I had tried to kill myself, I'm just very bitter about it.
I didn't work for the rest of the summer since I was a good saver and decided I needed a mental break. I had two serving jobs lined up and did online interviews, they sent me training dates, and schedules, and said they were really excited to have me on the team. I did a follow-up after the interview and one of them ghosted me entirely while the other said they had changed their decision. I thought this was weird but decided to just go job hunting in person when I was back in my hometown for the summer. Not a single place in town will hire me, I've never had trouble getting a job before, I have a strong resume and I'm generally very nice and friendly.
I sent out so many resumes and applications that I lost count. I asked one of the restaurants why they liked me so much during the interview but changed their minds, the hiring manager said that she liked me but the owner was advised against hiring me by my old employer. I asked one of my friends who worked at another place I applied to do some digging and she said the same thing. I need to work, I don't have the money not to work and I can't live in the dorms over the summer but Mark has blackballed me all across town and told people not to hire me because I'm mentally unstable and a liability, I got this confirmation from his son who worked with me.
Now I have no idea what to do, I would move somewhere else for work but I need the money to do so and can't work to make it because of Mark. Right now I'm looking at Camp Counselling and Ranching jobs that are out of town and will let me board there but I don't have any experience in ranching and very little in being a camp Counsellor. I'm so frustrated that I want to cry, I'm stuck and I don't know how to get out of this, some advice would be helpful.
​

MIL and SIL are in town allegedly to spend time with our toddler who they claim to miss.
MIL and SIL think I’m “controlling” because I like to know plans earlier than..as they are happening. My husband defended me but due to their comment I have stopped planning things for their family and just let them kinda flounder. They are constantly upset that they don’t get things my parents do like family pictures, brunches with Santa, and other things I organize with them and LO but I digress.
I’m not someone who acts like the entire world revolves around my toddler and I try to be accommodating as much as possible. Last night MIL and SIL proposed we meet in the nearby big city for a garden sale/flower sale. We said sure, it’s going to be nice weather and LO can run around.
So we are driving there and they call us. There’s a very busy bar near the flower sale and they’ve decided they want to have bottomless mimosas. This bar is not kid friendly and also because of the flower sale (and a home baseball game) it’s wildly crowded. My husband tries to talk them out of this idea but they are already in line and set on it.
We go and sit with them for awhile. I try to ignore the annoyed glares I’m getting for having my toddler at this bar. LO is behaving luckily but doesn’t sit still for long so my husband and I take turns going outside with LO, going to the park, going to see the flowers etc. The bar is so crowded you can’t walk inside. MIL and SIL engage with LO a bit at the table but seem more interested in their mimosas.
The brunch lasts THREE HOURS. Honestly we were outside for most of it keeping LO entertained. DH asks them several times if they are ready to leave and they kept just getting more mimosas and food. Then after brunch MIL and SIL want to go to the flower sale. At this point LO is starting to melt down as it’s very close to her nap time (we communicated this ahead of time but apparently it fell on deaf ears). DH declares we are leaving. MIL protests because she didn’t “get” her time at the flower sale with LO (aka pictures for Facebook). We leave anyway. MIL calls DH later to express her disappointment on how the day went.
So if you really wanted to see and spend time with your grandchild, why did you make the decision to sip mimosas at a crowded bar for 3 hours? Does that seem like a good activity for a toddler? Again not that it’s all about the toddler but if you claim you’re coming to see the toddler, shouldn’t it be a little bit about the toddler???
Rant over. Thank you for listening. They leave tomorrow! I can’t wait

This appears to be a new thing in D.C. so I wanted to write a really comprehensive summary of my experience trying out a dinner with Timeleft.
I had fun and would recommend it to anyone who might be interested in having dinner with a group of strangers and letting an app choose the restaurant for you.
Last week, I saw this ad on Facebook. If you don't want to click the link, it's a screenshot of the ad I saw. The ad is by Timeleft and it says "Dine with 5 strangers, all matched by our algorithm. Every Wednesday night in your city"
Best case scenario, I have a wonderful meal where I meet interesting people and have the potential to make new friends. Worst case scenario, I get murdered... but like many other millennials, I think I wouldn't mind that so much. My risk-benefit analysis tells me to go for it.
I'll separate the rest of this post by

• providing a general overview of how signing up with Timeleft works
• a summary of my personal experience this past Wednesday
• some more thoughts and hopes for this platform

Overview of Timeleft

Here's the website for Timeleft: https://timeleft.com/
In order to sign up for the next available dinner, you must pay a monthly subscription. It's $26 for one month, $56 for three months, and $86 for 6 months. It appears that Timeleft is not making you pay for a subscription if you can wait one or two weeks to reserve a dinner. Someone can correct me if that's actually not the case.
The subscription is paid to Timeleft. The cost does not go towards your dinner.
When you sign up, it asks you to select what country and city you would like to have your dinner in. Here are the options for the United States: Atlanta, Boston, Los Angeles, Miami, New York, Philadelphia, Washington D.C.
For D.C. they provide options in these areas:

• Capitol Hill/Navy Yard
• Dupont Circle/Shaw

Timeleft will ask a series of personality-quiz style questions and ask for basic demographic information. Some questions are single-choice and others are choosing a number between 1-10 to indicate how strongly you feel about what's being asked.
Purportedly the app will take your answers and use an algorithm to match you with a dinner group.
It will ask you for your birth year, and this is the only answer that you cannot edit later in your profile. All other answer choices can be edited after initial account set-up.
The only time and date option for reserving a dinner are Wednesdays with a start time of 7pm. At 7pm the night before your dinner, you will be given a summary of your group. The summary it gives you will look something like this:

Industry: % work in this sector, % in that sector, % in other
Nationalities: % American, % Portgugal
Zodiac signs: % Aries, % Gemini, etc
Main language spoken: English

At 9am on the morning of your dinner, you will be notified of what restaurant and table # you're assigned.
After this point, there seems to be differences in feature depending on whether or not you download the Timeleft app. The browser version of Timeleft gave me my restaurant name, address, table #, and the option to confirm my attendance or indicate that I would be late.
If you need to cancel the day-of, you would need to download the app.
If you are late or need to cancel, you can indicate it on the app. The rest of your table will receive a notification about your status. If you have more than two same-day cancellations in one month, Timeleft says they will cancel your subscription. Your table can also tell the app if you were a no-show, so I would assume the same rule applies to no-shows.
At 8pm, Timeleft gives you a recommendation for a spot to head to for after-dinner drinks so that you can continue hanging out with your table.
After the dinner, if you have the app, you would be given the option to connect or not with the other guests you met at dinner. If two people agree to connect with each other, then the app gives you a chat.

My Dinner Experience

When I arrived at the restaurant, I told the hostess that I am here with Timeleft and was assigned Table number #
It's clear that the organizers set this up with the restaurant, because every one who arrived was able to let the restaurant know that they're with Timeleft and which table # they're assigned and there was no confusion.
At my restaurant, there were three tables in total. It looked like everyone was having a great conversation and enjoying themselves. The Timeleft app provides an icebreaker game, so if the conversation dulls, you can just play the game to inspire conversation.
My table had 4 people show up (including me) and 2 no-shows. Of the 4 of us, two had done a Timeleft dinner before and they enjoyed the experience.
From talking to those who had done Timeleft before, it sounds like there are at least two or three restaurants chosen for each neighborhood to be the dinner spot. For the Navy Yard/Capitol Hill option last week, it was Belga Cafe and Ambar.
Of the three tables in my restaurant, it looked like the Timeleft guests were grouped by age. One table seemed to be mid 40s to late 50s, then a table of 30's, and a table of late 20s.
My table all chose to go to the recommended bar after dinner. Of the other two tables, only one person joined us from one table and we did not get to interact with the third table at all.
We just had fun talking and making conversation. We had actual conversations about a variety of things and it never felt like a stale "getting to know you" or "what do you do for work" type of vibe. I had a great time.

My General Thoughts

I thought it was a great feature for the app to allow you to connect with someone from your table through a chat on the app after the dinner. It saves people who are uncomfortable giving away their phone numbers to essential strangers and gives you the opportunity to keep in touch if you forgot to exchange contact information.
I was told from the other guests that the after-dinner drinks place recommended by the app is the same for the guests at other tables and guests at other restaurants in your neighborhood. Those who are dining in Navy Yard/Capitol Hill are given the same bar recommendation and the Dupont/Shaw crowd gets a different recommendation.
So, I'm looking forward to doing more dinners and hopefully getting to meet people from not just my table, but people who were assigned to other tables and restaurants.
I'm guessing that the app's algorithm primarily groups people by age and meal preferences. I might be wrong. But the consensus from the other Timeleft users is that they also notice tables being grouped by age in their previous dinners.
What I love about D.C. is that a lot of people are transient or are new to the city, so it's easy to find a random group to hang out with in general. I have had success meeting people through Meetup.com, discord servers, and just other opportunities the city provides.
Timeleft is another opportunity for that, but I also get to try new restaurants and bars and I don't have to research too much or think about it before hand or make reservations. I can just show up and try to enjoy myself.
What else would I be doing on Wednesday nights anyway? Might as well try out a new restaurant!
Here's an article I found about Timeleft if you're interested in reading: https://www.vice.com/en/article/v7bnpb/timeleft-friend-finding-platform-review

Let’s make it aware that there is a job offer scam that lies and take you to Scam Factories and you become a slave, and you may even die. Post here all cases of Disappearance of people who may be associated with this type of scam.

Know The Signs! Have you been trafficked? * Did you apply for the job via Social Media (e.g. Facebook, Instagram), WhatsApp, Telegram or an online platform? * Did you have an online interview? * Have you been promised a job with a company in Thailand? * Were you promised a lucrative salary? * Did you receive a letter of confirmation for your new role? * Did you investigate the company you applied to and are they registered? * Do you have an agent or consultant handling details for you?
How to prevent yourself or someone you know from being trafficked * Never give anyone your passport! * Research the company you are applying to join. For example, check their website, search for them on social media and LinkedIn, check the legal registration of the company. * Ask for references (face to face or virtual) from current employees. * Ensure you received an official letter of offer and check the email addresses match the companies contact information. * Research the visa requirements for working in a foreign country. * Notify your countries Immigration Office of your intention to travel or contact your countries Embassy once you arrive at your destination. * If you are about to cross a river in north-west Thailand don’t, it is likely you are being trafficked into Myanmar.
Could this be your situation? If you or someone you know has been trapped in forced criminality, contact your nearest embassy or email the Global Alms Counter Trafficking Unit at admin@globalalms.com with the details.

This is a post for awareness. Let’s help each other. Only serious comments.
Below are more links to other related posts.
https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2023/12/asia/chinese-scam-operations-american-victims-intl-hnk-dst/
http://chinascope.org/archives/32233
https://youtu.be/m6qFCdHvYuI?si=rs2J71V1XIeFF7we
https://www.reddit.com/Thailand/s/L8OTm9Lvye
https://www.globalalms.com/protection
(My account created recently for privacy/scam concerns)

Hey guys, I used to work at a private equity marketing agency that bought, scaled, and sold DTC e-commerce, SAAS, info & digital product online brands and I was a media buyer. I have over $10M worth of spend under my belt for clients, and have worked with multiple 7-8 figure online companies.
I’ve had the luxury of being able to spend a lot on ads and test diffferent strategies and setups to drop CPMs. Here’s what it comes down to:
Disclaimer: yes some industries will have higher CPMs like skin care and beauty because FB ads are an auction system. If your in a space with more competitors naturally the price will be higher for ad space
The very first thing that I think is obvious but many people don’t focus on is your ad itself. Let’s dive deeper on what specifically.
You need to be tracking these KPIs: Hook rate Hold rate Average play time Unique outbound CTR Quality rate ranking Conversion rate ranking
It starts with the hook. If you can’t even get people to stop and watch your ad, you’re cooked. You need to really study hard on good hooks. I like to go on tiktok and watch content that gets my attention, then try to brainstorm how to make hooks like that for my ad. Mr.Beast even talks about how the hook is everything for YT videos, it seems to be the same for ads
Hold rate is the next thing. Once you’ve hooked someone, you need to make sure you can hold their attention. Simply put, you need to either entertain them, or educate them. People want to feel like they got something out of your ad, whether it was laughter, or some new info.
Average play time is is similar to hold rate, but it just tells us in seconds how long people watch our videos for on average.
CTR If you do everything above correct, you’ll see a really good CTR.
Quality rate ranking This is facebooks score for if your ad is good or not. Will pop up after some spend and let you know how your ad is doing in FBs eyes
Conversion rate ranking. This is for conversions itself and has a lot to do with the LP. It will show as good, bad, above avg or below in FBs eyes. If you are scoring low here, that means you need to work on the LP
The LP matters a lot too. Make sure it’s congruent to the ad. CPMs WILL drop if your LP is good and not making people jump back to fb super quickly.
The answer is simply that good quality ads with broad targeting over 2-3 weeks of spend ($50-$100 daily) will drop your CPMs over time. As well as a LP with clean design, good offer, and ease of use is another factor.
My process of testing ads to drop CPMs:
3:2:2 method with ABO, not CBO bc I want to know for certain what ads are good or not. Yes I force spend which is against every marketers philosophy but idgaf I’m aggressive and want to know quickly what works
I check to see which ads have the best hook and hold rate. I’ve noticed shorter ads have a better hold rate obviously and it dropped my CPMs. Once ad set I did went form $40 to $23 in the course of 2-3 days
Once I gather a collection of ads with good KPIs, I iterate different versions with new hooks and run them again. Once I have like 20-30 killer ads I throw all into a 3:2:2 CBO campaign with a $1k daily budget and scale accordingly.
Have taken a few stores from $20k monthly to $100k plus by doing this it ain’t that hard.
If I was new and had no money I’d get an LLC (if ur in USA lol), get a line of credit somehow, test using my money first until I find something that works, and then run up a bill for scaling. I recommend amex plum cuz u got 60 days no interest to pay it back. Do it under a LLC so u can file chapter 11 if it goes to sh*t. I’m just yapping now 😂😂
Comment your questions or ping me

I just found this reddit page so i will try -
Hi all and hi support my name is Adam Valkossak
I want to request recovery here also since people can see it and decide if your work is competent enough to do this or you are useless same as the bot answers in emails and ingame support.
UID: 5124102300
Nicknames: YourDickSmells, PropanBhutanOf, ×ASAP×Ferg×, kokotikmalinky, KrucifixX
Linked facebook contacts: lubomirbily, petervalkossak, KristiXx
Recent players nicknames: £BetA£ (Not my friend)
Currently in wrong hands used nicknames: Prostezmrd11, Prost3zmrdlif3
The most progress email sounded like this:

1. The reason it being stolen is that my passwords were leaked when i sold my old device on Facebook marketplace. The first account stolen was Twitter and my ingame login was Twitter.
   
2. I tried to contact him via ingame chat where he told me he bought my account from someone else called Taurus or Tauros (i have chat screenshot in Slovak and Czech language and if you translate it you can verify it yourself) photos will be added to this email. He then didnt wanted to talk so i got my friend to ask him about it where he told him his name on Facebook Stefan Krikava which i checked the email and it was correct.
   

3.When i contacted Krikava he told me okay he will give the account back to me but he wanted from me over 1000€ so he wanted to sell me back my account ( there are resellers which do that in CZ/SK pubg mobile scene and multiple abroad resellers ). So he has given the account to me and waited for me to send him money, after 2 weeks he did a claim because he had all the recent informations and UC receipts. (I have our whole conversation saved in Facebook Messenger as a proof). I got back my account for 2 weeks via his Facebook and i linked my own email address. I dont remember which one it was now but iam sure i can check that if needed.
Right now he doesnt contact me even when i told him i reported this to police.
All i want is back my account where i have memories of over 4 years with manny friends and my brother. I can show and tell you anything just work with me please.
If you translate the Messenger chat he was making fun of me and 24.09.2023 he said that i didnt give him 1024€ so he did claim and doesnt want to give back my account anymore.
Thank you again for response iam documenting the whole proccess over 2 years and hopefuly the outcome will be good.
Best regards,
Valkoššák Adam
I have also put payments, conversations, twitter proofs of email being changed 3 times.
I put info of devices used, dates of changes, simply everything what i had i put there.
Their response was that it has been more than one year so they dont know. I have lately checked how long you have to store those payment informations and changes informations and it was always atleast 5 years.
Since i have shown him laughing at me and he admited in chat it was mine and he will sell it to me you have proof of my ownership.
To this day i dont understand where is problem when i showed you proofs from 2018 to 2022 may and then i showed you clear proof of chat ingame that he bought the account from Tauros which isnt allowed so i sugest you give it back and blackmail his info or something. Also tauros since he is known scammer in cz/sk. I will try to add as much proofs also here.
The whole situation - playing from 2018 to 2022 may when it was stolen via Twitter login because of stolen Twitter account, 2 years of unsuccessful requests on not working support pages because i didnt use ciaomi redmi 9 but new iphone 13 and other devices, i got in contact with him he wanted to sell it for 1024€ which i didnt pay but played for 2 weeks from his Facebook login and had linked my own email, he did claim since i didnt pay him with recent info and device, tried to recover it back to me with my old info and also his payments but unsuccessful since i have different device, he blocked me but iam thinking of driving to him and visit him in person.
I have - proofs as payments, names, photos of gameplay and conversations with friends and brother to may 2022 then i have proofs of chat conversation with him ingame and on facebook where he clearly states he got it for free or bought it from Tauros and he doesnt want to give it back for free, i have proofs of email changes on Twitter account from log i downloaded and email i got from Twitter of me recovering my twitter account.
If you need something more as proof feel free to ask, i will add as much photos as i can if i can. Probably photos will be added in comments or somewhere because i use web on iphone and i dont see /add photos\ button.

So I'm not sure how to even go about telling this tale. It's something I've never even tried to do, not from the beginning, at least. I guess we'll start with how I first fell in love. I was young. 18. I'd never had a boyfriend, never had a boy look twice at me, at least to my knowledge. So my first love became the boy I was around so often. My brother's best friend at the time. Sick, I know. He was the first boy to ever show me affection. The first guy that ever made me feel sexy and beautiful. I fell slowly bit by agonizing bit. He held back for the longest time for a noble reason, I thought. He cared for me, but he and my brother were so close. I went down the route of okay, well, then let's just have sex. Nothing more. I was 18 and still a virgin. He would say things like, "I can't do that. I can't use you. I'd break you anyways you couldn't handle it." Funny, looking back, it was all its own little lore. Long story short, we finally had sex. Life moved forward, and I fell in love, and I thought maybe he was too. I was wrong. If you hadn't already guessed. I became a toy, for I'd say a year, maybe 2. Every day, I begged and asked, "Can't we just be together? You care about me. You say you do. So let's just be together. Let's tell everyone, " And each day I was met with a fight. "We're not together. We never will be!" Time went by, and this fight became the norm. And fights about me talking to other guys' fights about me not coming around when he wanted. I never got to come when I wanted. I only came when called. Like a dog. Again, time passed. The cycle continued. Drugs got involved, which only made things worse. I felt neglected. I talked to people everyone told me to move on. So I did every so slightly. I fucked my other brothers best friend. Great sister here. Trust me, I know. Of Crouse, the first guy found out, and things got crazy. he threatened me. I got scared and called my sister in law aka my very best friend. She saved me that night. And for my best guess, about 4 years, we never spoke he left me be. He moved on. after making my life mental torture for 2 years, it was like I disappeared. Which was fine, really better than you'd ever expect. my sister in law threatened him, of course, so maybe that had something to do with it, and he was intensely afraid of my brothers. And so again, time passed, and I dated other people. Nothing ever worked out. All of them as painful as last and just as filled with bad choices. All until one summer, he came back. Last summer, I was beginning again. Like I've done so many times. I was back at my first job again looking for a fresh start from the beginning. That's when I heard from him for the first time in a long time. My brother and he had stopped being friends maybe a year before. My brother called him manipulative and a dick to say the least. But when he contacted me, I felt things had changed. That he had finally changed and for the better. the fact he was contacting me again wanting me back, I thought it was fate. I'd be with my first love, the man who took everything from me, we'd get married and be together. The whole time yard's. Fucking stupid that's what I was. What I am.. We fell back together slowly but surly. I fell in love, and he got control. The summer passed in a wave of drugs. He never told me he loved me he never put forth any effort to be near my family. All he wanted was control over me. He shrunk away at the idea of coming to my home being near my brother he ex best friend and my roommate. Time passed, and I realized I wasn't much more than a bank for him. I'd forgotten to mention in the time we spent apart he hadn't worked for 4 years. His mom took care of it all. I did everything I could. I was there all the time I made food, I cleaned the house, and I kept his dog fed. I tried to show him everything. It never mattered. The only thing that mattered was how I "cheated" on him all those years ago. I had never thought of it as cheating seeing as he said we weren't together and loved to talk about how hot other girls were. He would bring up past relationships while he and I weren't together like I got with these people just to antagonize him. So as summer went on, I got exhausted. So fucking exhausted how do you show someone you love them when all they see are the faults? He well really I can't just blame him, but we drained my bank account buying drugs. I got tired of it, and I left. I told him to leave me, be that I was done being used. This was around Thanksgiving. He didn't take it well. I blocked him after about the 30th message. That didn't stop him he messaged through friends Facebook or with their phone numbers. I blocked so many people. But it didn't stop the messages kept coming. And so by Christmas, I caved. Don't know why he'd admitted to coming out and driving by my house told me how he could see my Christmas tree in my window. And still I caved. Because who would do this for someone they didn't love? Who would keep trying for someone they wanted to treat badly? I got my answer. I went back only to be accused of cheating and lying. He'd call me a bitch and whore and a cunt. He'd done all this in the messages, too, before the begging started. I should've listened and not fallen for the begging. But he'd tell me all I wanted to hear how he loved me and wanted to be with me wanted my kids. So I fell for this over and over and over again. Until not long ago just a few months I tried to leave, and we got into a fight. I wanted to go with him to ride with his friends. He didn't want me to. Would've been fine with that honestly but as soon as he saw I was disappointed the fight started. I tried to leave his home. we yelled his neighbors threatened to call the police. I ran he hit my car tried to yank the doors open. Once I finally thought I'd gotten away he started chasing me. Chased me down his road at probably 70 in a 45 mind you and swerved in front of me almost wrecking us both. He proceeded to get out of the car ignoring me sobbing and started screaming at me through the window and asking me to come back. Once I agreed he proceeded to do burnouts in front of me. I followed him back he took me riding with his friends I got what I wanted in the end I guess. But after this I got scared. If you can do that what else can you do? I left again not long later because it just didn't seem to matter what I did. nothing was enough. I left I blocked him. It wasn't enough he found ways to contact me. And today he contacted family of mine to get ahold of me. He waited out near my house by a restaurant and followed me home. I ran I didn't know what to do I didn't want him and my brother to get into a fight because no matter what, I still somehow care about him. He stopped me in the middle of the road wouldn't leave until I agreed to unblock him and to give him a hug. I feel disgusting he kissed me. I want him to leave me alone. I know this is my fault I led him on again and again by coming back. I just wanted him to change. I wanted him to love me. I just wasn't enough and I won't be ever. Why won't he just let me go? He could move on and find someone new to use. I know I have a problem too I've gone back again and again and made it normal for him. I just want to be free now though this has gone on so long. I know he doesn't love me I just don't know how he can say it when he doesn't. I'm not sure what I'm really asking for here maybe validation or maybe just encouragement that I'm doing the right thing. I coukd go into more detail really he's done so much to me but it's hard looking back. I just I really need to know that me leaving is the right thing.

I'm on the Australian disability scheme NDIS. it pays for support (does not give me money directly). I really need a cleaner to organise my small house and there is money to do so.
But it is trashed. But not hoarder throw everything into the garbage trashed. like my clothes are on the floor with chip packets. i want to keep most of my stuff but idk where to put it. I want to buy new stuff to replace my falling apart stuff but I have to get rid of the stuff first! I don't know how to organise my kitchen. I get super overwhelmed. basically a depression room.
My house is extremely depressing. all my furniture was free/cheap of facebook or op shops. the previous owner stained the walls with cigarettes smoke. my carpet is like 30 years old and a sensory nightmare. all my plumbing is trash, my shower is literally a trickle and my tap has leaked for a year. and half my lights don't work. I can't get anyone in to fix in since its such a mess.
I do not like anyone in my house period. I desperately need help. I can't just get a mop everything cleaner like I need a organisecleane someone I'm okay with.
Is this impossible? Does anyone else have support workers? Did they work with you on your level? were they a general support worker or like a specific cleaner? How do you deal with people in your space? My family has never even sat down in my house cause I don't like people touching my stuff so much.
I'm just so desperate for help. I finally have some money. But no help of who exactly to get and what exactly to do.
I pretend autism isn't disabling cause I work a full-time job finally but my ability to help myself is exactly where it was at 10 years old.

I'm fairly certain this is a scammer as their profile is sketchy. But I've never heard of a scam like this before... Someone messaged me on my Facebook art page asking if I am open for commissions. I said I will be soon (however I've never advertised commissions before) and asked for more information. They have asked me to draw their son and want to pay me $400. It seems scammy because their page has a verification tick as their cover photo, and their profile pic is an AI cartoon thing. They have put their name as a hybrid of Bruce Springsteen (the musician)...initial red flag. And they have 600+ "followers" most of them named Muhammad. As I write this it is becoming more obvious that this is a fake profile. But how do you respond to this? And what are they trying to do?

Throw away account for this story. This is pretty massive, but bare with me, its all relevant. Names are obviously changed. Most of the people in this story are late 20s, to mid 30s.
So sit down. Buckle up and enjoy (i guess?)
Let's call this guy Zack, he was my best friend for almost 10 years. Zack was engaged to Emma for several years, and they had started dating shortly after Zack and I became friends. I had a boyfriend, Murray. Murray had also been part of this friend group for a similar length of time, but I'd only recently started dating him. During the pandemic Zack, Emma and me all moved in together. At the time of moving in together I had been with Murray for about 10 months or so.
When we moved in together Emma's behaviour became quite passive aggressive or even outright aggressive towards me. At the time I had asked Zack multiple times if Emma had a problem with me. He'd always come back to me later saying she didn't have a problem with me, and thought I was nice, but the response never sat well with me considering her attitude towards me.
Looking back on it I reckon her behaviour towards me was triggered by Zack's behaviour. Zack often made comments about how he found me really attractive for years, but I had always brushed him off. But Zack had started making "jokes" about us having a threesome (Usually me joining Zack and Emma) - in front of his fiance, in front of our mutual friends, in front of Murray. I'd made it explicitly clear that I was not interested in him and had even told him multiple times "I consider him like a brother", that the threesome "jokes" were making me really uncomfortable BECAUSE I am not interested in him and they had become EXTREMELY frequent.
This eventually culminated with Emma absolutely cracking the shits with me one day and screaming at me completely upprovoked. This was the first time Zack had personally witnessed her completely unprovoked aggressive behaviour towards me. This was also not the first time Emma had triggered my PTSD/trauma. Emma then gave me the silent treatment for two whole weeks (vacating rooms if I entered, literally ignoring me around the house etc)
After this, Zack and Emma had a lot of arguments (they had arguments before this as well) and Zack broke up with Emma. She shouted and screamed at him during their arguments, even before her last outburst at me (I hid in my room during this due to past trauma/PTSD). A few of them we had comforted each other afterwards (IMO as a friends) - we would sit and talk to each other about what had happened. Emma eventually moved out, about a month later because she just could not be a civil housemate towards me.
At this point it was just me and Zack living in the house, we'd watch TV shows together while eating dinners together. For me the logic was if we're ok with sharing dinner it'd be cheaper rather than buying AND cooking seperate meals - and I'd even shared this logic with Zack and he agreed. We also enjoyed the same shows - like I said we were best friends for almost 10 years, so what's wrong with watching TV shows you and your housemate/friend both like together?
This is where things really start getting spicy, because I discovered the utterly manipulative machinations Zack had been pulling, and the extent that he had gone through. It was actually horrifying to discover the lengths Zack had gone to and to find out exactly what he had been saying to other people.
After breaking up with Emma, Zack was out dating and seeing a bunch of other people and even dating a few people online. And commenting on how attractive he found some of our mutual friends. Not my business what he does - just an interesting point worth knowing considering what is to follow in this story.
Zack had been angling that Murray was a really bad partner for me. Pointing out some frankly really stupid shit about Murray to me at an ever increasing frequency. Granted some of it was valid... but also not my problem. As in not "hey you need to break up with your partner", but "this sounds like a you problem" valid.
Things like making inappropriate jokes, sharing very dark or explicit memes and photos on the discord Zack ran. Zack didn't want that stuff on his discord, which is fair... But not a break up worthy problem for my relationship? At one point Zack informed me he made me a mod on his discord to "manage Murray". At the time I was like yeah whatever, if I get @ I'll deal with it. I was never @ about anything on discord. I was not actively reading what happened or monitoring chats - and I had told Zack this when he made me a mod. I'm pretty sure Zack only did this to try and "expose me to Murray's behaviour". Whenever Zack came to me complaining about Murray's behaviour in the Discord - I told him it's his Discord, if he's breaking your rules, he doesn't need my permission if he feels Murray needs to be booted or banned for breaking his rules. Murray was never banned, though he did get muted a few times. At some point Zack removed me as a mod lol.
Zack also started complaining that Murray was sending him stuff in his DMs. Let's be real here - Zack had told him to DM him stuff rather than sharing it in the Discord, because while he did not want it on his discord, he thought the stuff Murray would said was fucking hilarious. Apparently he'd been seen looking at some of these NSFW messages from Murray at work. I asked Zack why he was opening up Murray's messages at work when he knows 90% chance its probably an NSFW image or meme. Murray also DMs me A LOT of these memes, pictures etc. - he would just find stuff and share it with people he thought would find it funny or interesting - so it's not like I didn't know/see the content of what was shared.
Zach would also complain that Murray would repeat himself if he wasn't heard/didn't get a laugh to something he said the first time around during conversations. Again. Not break up worthy behaviour? Like. Who doesn't repeat themselves if they weren't heard the first time around?
I'd also noticed that Zack had also started saying stuff like "So and so talked to me and they aren't happy with Murray". I will note none of these people, mutual friends, had said anything to me. I later pieced together from talking with people that Zack's strategy was approaching a person in DMs about an issue with Murray and if they had seen it. Said person would respond oh yeah sometimes (or whatever response it might be), and then Zack could take this response to another person and say "so and so came to me about Murray about x, have you had any issues" - and so forth until he could say "hey a bunch of people have this "problem" with Murray". This was pieced together well after I found out what Zack was doing.
Eventually I confronted Zack, asking him if he had a problem with Murray. I got "Murray is great, hes a good friend, I dont hate him etc etc". Again this was an answer didn't sit well with me. If he's a good friend and doesn't have a problem... Why did Zack constantly complain about so many issues he had with Murray?
A few days later I was catching up with another close friend, Mel. I asked if she thought Zack had an issue with Murray. And OMG did Mel unload. I was absolutely shocked and Mel was very apologetic that they had not said anything until now.
Apparently Zack had been making MULTIPLE private chats with a lot of mutual friends and had been trying to triangulate almost everyone I knew into breaking up my relationship with Murray. Zack had in his mind that I was in love with him, that I was in denial for my feelings with him. That I was constantly flirting with him. And had even frequently bought up that "once Murray was out of the way, then Zack could finally settle down with me and start a family" and that "He can see a future with me". And I'm not going to lie... not just friends I'd see regularly... but I had asked a few friends I hadn't had much contact with for a very extended time... and they showed me conversations of the above of Zack trying to convince people how horrible Murray was in an attempt to try and triangulate these people against Murray as well.
I felt utterly disgusted - not only for finding out Zack was ACTIVELY trying to break my relationship up, get everyone to try and isolate Murray out of the friend group, but he was also sharing very private stories that should be my story to tell people. When I say private. I mean stories of Murray and I having sex together - that I had shared with some friends, including Zack. I didn't even get to tell MY STORIES to Mel first, but also realising... how many mutual friends (close or otherwise) had Zack told his version of the story to that makes Murray look really bad? But also makes me look really bad too because how the stories would be framed/told?
And this is where the comments about him dating other people and commenting to me about mutual friends Zack found attractive come in. He thought Mel was attractive. But never told her, BUT he had told he frequently how attractive he found me. What a wierd way to try and pick people up I guess? Mel came up with the most amazing description of Zack tho - he was just swinging his dick around and seeing what would stick.
I tried to calm down before heading home and had planned to try and approach Zack about this calmly. But the second I saw him, I just saw red and I just laid into him about what I had discovered. He just sat there and started crying. I reckon I shouted at him for a good twenty minutes because there was just so much betrayal in what he had done. I have never shouted at someone like that and I'm not proud of it.
After that over the following days and weeks... Zack tried to convince me that it was other people that were trying to break up my relationship, not him. That the other friends were "drama mongerers, shit stirrers and just liked causing problems". He also started talking a lot of crap with the intent of getting me to console him... for the behaviour he chose to enact about my relationship? He would also constantly apologise and project his own behaviour on the friends he tried to co-opt into his manipulations. Eventually I saw through Zack's manipulations and word salad and was even able to start calling him out on it on the spot/in situ. He'd look absolutely shocked and gobsmacked when I started being able to do this. For someone who could talk non-stop and endlessly, it was amazing to have the ability to leave him at a loss for words.
Due to past abuse I could feel my brain trying to just go back to "status quo" and trying to gaslight itself - sharing meals, watching TV together etc. So i'd be flipping between being neutral and being absolutely pissed off at Zack. It was an absolute mind fuck. Especially after being in a manipulative and abusive relationship in the past - but in a way, having had that past relationship - I could actually recognise what was happening now?
I told Zack he needed to move out of the house, he didn't want to "because he was happy here". I told him he's the one that fucked up so he's the one that should leave. Why should I be forced to leave and be inconvenienced further because of what he had chosen to do?
I did EVENTUALLY get him out of the house after he dragged his feet for about 6 months, and during that entire time Zack tried to sweet talk, manipulate, apologise, project his behaviour and literally every trick in the book to gloss over what he had done.
After he moved out he BANNED me, Murray and two friends he targeted heavily as the "drama mongerers" in his attempt to break up my relationship out of his discord, unfriended me on facebook and twitter etc. and started sharing a bunch of memes and things about being the victim in the face of drama/lies and stuff (and god knows what he's ACTUALLY telling people in private). He made a copy paste "apology" to the friends he'd been calling "drama mongerers" (as in he wrote one apology then copy pasted it to everyone) - absolutely insincere, lazy and and just real POS behaviour.
I also later found out he's describing me as "creating drama to get attention", and even more amazingly... is now not only moved on and dating yet another girl, but engaged to her. I feel sorry for her... because she has no idea the absolute monster she is getting involved with.
As it is. I did later end up breaking up with Murray about a year or so later, but not for anything Zack tried to make us break up for.

M51, F48, My Dday was 17 years ago, nov 2007. A single, non emotional chance encounter nearly destroyed my life. It was my choice, and I make no excuses. We reconciled and moved on.
But, did we?
I look around at what others have. Love, happiness, friendship with their spouses. Reddit and Facebook can be so damaging to your mind sometimes. I imagined i had these things, or at least I thought i did. Various emotional events have happened to me this and last week. I have met people here who have come to mean a lot to me. Maybe too much, and in ways that i did not expect or intend. Love has many forms, and can strike when you least expect it. This week forced me to look inward and outward at my life. It's been hard.
The other day, my wife and I were talking, and she made a comment that she figures I cheated more than once, but she never caught me. At that instant, I knew I had failed. Both in R and has a husband. In a flash, in that instant, i recalled that I can't remember the last time my wife said she loves me, although I tell her that same thing often. Am I "in love with her", or do I merely "love her"? Thats a good question. I hurt her so badly. How could then i ever say that i love her with a straight face? I thought about all the things I could have done. Or should have done better. I don't blame her. She feels what she feels. Because of me.
Should I have left all those years ago? Maybe. Was I even up to the task of real reconciliation, then? I really don't know. My guess is no.
I am not the same man that I was when we married in 2002. I am not the same man that I was in 2007 when i cheated. I was 35 then, very much like Emperor Cuzco from the Disney movie "The Emperors New Groove" (my favorite movie). now I am almost 52. Older but wiser. I understand what love is a lot better. Emotions are more intense for me now than ever before. Apart from losing a child, for me anyway, to be in love with someone who does not love us back is the worst possible feeling imaginable. How much worse when the focus of that love betrays us. I can't even imagine that.
Reconciliation is hard. It's so easy to rug sweep. Especially if you have a partner who is loving and forgiving. They can become umwitting participants in that very act. But, rug sweeping only delays the inevitable. Eventually, you become roommates. That is a kind of living death, but we don't see that immediately. Eventually, you have to pull up the rug and vacuum what's underneath.
I am vacuuming my garbage now. Money, possessions, they mean nothing if you don't have love and someone to share your thoughts with. Someone to connect fully with. There is no joy in being the emperor without an empress to share it with. I don't know what to do anymore. You can't turn back time. You can't bring back the dead.
Reconciliation must be total. You must feel it in your core. You can't do it partially. It takes 100 percent effort every day. For how long? Who knows. If you don't have the courage to do this, then walk away. Don't keep your partner as a hostage. Read, read a lot. Then, apply those teachings fully.
This is, and someone else, new and special to me, is what I was thinking about this morning, as the rain slowly falls.

TW for s/h mentions, self end mentions, and abuse mentions
Obligatory clarification that this was a few months ago, I just regularly feel guilty about it and wanted to see if I'm right in feeling that guilt. Also, apologies in advance since I think this is going to be a long post.
I(20ftm) was abused in multiple ways by my stepfather(46m). I filed a case against him two years ago, which finally got picked up after my younger sister(16f) ran away from the house. During these two years, no one in the family talked to me, as he convinced everyone that I was a liar, a manipulator, and was doing everything as an act of revenge on him for "treating me with the respect I deserved". He was sentenced last October to 15 years in prison, and then they began to investigate my mother(38f) because she knew about the physical/verbal/mental abuse of all of us kids(there were five of us, ages will be given as children are mentioned), and about the s/xual abuse toward me. I live out in Arizona, however when my mother lost custody of our siblings, my older sister(25f), who well call Molly, reached out to me asking if I would be willing to come back up to Ohio, my home state, to help her take temporary custody of the children. The plan was that I would come back up to Ohio, live with my old roommates, get a job, and watch the children in the morning to get them on the bus and afternoon until Molly got home from work. This was something that was agreed upon by everyone, and it was decided that due to a job opportunity I would be going back to Arizona in three months. I immediately explained to everyone involved that I would not flake out on these plans unless my mental health got to a point where I was actively considering self ending. Molly requested that she get "some sort of notice" before something like that we're to happen, and I told her that the best I could do was actively pointing out signs of mental health decline as they happened so she would know where I was in my headspace, to which she agreed.
Fast forward to the day I'm to fly up, and I get a call from Molly. She explains that our grandmother is giving her her old house in exchange for the childcare until my mother got out of jail should the worst case scenario happen, and she wanted to know if I could live in full time with her. In exchange she would pay my way through driving school and get me a car off Facebook marketplace, which would roughly equal out to three months of paid labor. She explained that I wouldn't have to do any chores(though it would be nice) and she would support me financially so that I didn't need to get a job(though I also could if I wanted to) and I could put my full time and care toward the children. This seemed like a fair deal to me, so I agreed. We talked about a few other minor details, such as my room(I wouldn't have one, and would be sleeping in the corner of the living room) and food(I requested that she get healthy food because eating excessive amounts of junk food triggers my ED, which she agreed to but more on that later).
I fly up and reconnect with all of my siblings(I hadn't talked to any of them in person since the incident two years ago), and talk with a close friend of mine, who I'll call Buddy. Buddy expressed that he didn't think that me moving in full time with Molly was a good idea, and tried to imply that she might try and take advantage of me while I was there and overstep boundaries. I told him that I trusted her not to do so, and she and I had agreed that I would be spending weekends with him at his place to decompress and regularly assess my mental health. This was almost immediately backtracked by Molly, saying she didn't expect me to actually take the whole weekend and she requested Saturdays to be her "day off", which I agreed to. About a week and a half after I arrived and was settled in, we started having violence issues with the youngest(10m), and they were mostly directed toward me. We assumed that this was because my stepfather had fed the kids a story about how I had left because I didn't care about them, and he was too young to understand the truth of the situation. Molly was very attentive to my needs at first, making sure to buy fruits and vegetables as well as having the children upstairs by 9 pm so that I could have some private time to relax each night. All was good other than the violent outbursts from the youngest(who I'll nickname Chris).
After about a month, we had to give Chris to an aunt due to the violent outbursts becoming more frequent and the police having to be called several times just to get him to stop attacking me. I explained to Molly that it was affecting me pretty badly, and she and I sat down and talked it out, deciding I wasn't at a point that I needed to leave yet, however if we kept him I would be. So we let Chris go up to my aunts, who we'll call Aunt Hayley. After that things calmed down in the household, with there only being two major fights between the remaining three children. During this time, Molly began to talk about how stressed she was about finances, as well as she signed up for a college course and got a boyfriend. I didn't see this as a big deal at the time, but it compiled with everything else. Molly began coming home at 6-7 and immediately going to her room, and I would end up keeping watch of the children for the remainder of the night. This didn't bother me too much at the time, as I saw it as helping her, however I could. Before this, she and I had pretty evenly split chores, with both of us doing dishes, laundry, and trash periodically. Once she began this college course, I took up the entirety of the dishes, laundry for all of the children, and majority of trash. Molly tended to her room and mandated when the children cleaned their rooms and their upstairs bathroom, but other than that was in her room either doing classwork or hanging out with her boyfriend. During this time she also stopped getting the healthier foods, despite me helping with grocery lists and requesting healthier foods, opting instead for snacks or frozen foods such as pizzas, hot pockets, bagel bites, etc. This upset me seeing as I had already explained to her my issues with said foods, but I didn't feel I had a right to make comment seeing as she was still financially supporting me.
During this time, my no contact order with my mother was lifted, and I agreed to speak with her again, seeing as she had eventually denounced her borderline worship of my stepfather and told the police everything, and was now in therapy and parenting classes. To be clear, from the moment I had arrived in Ohio, I had wanted nothing to do with her, and the only reason I had agreed to talk to her was to give her one last opportunity to man up and explain everything properly. She did, and as I had suspected, he had been severely abusing her in every way as well. I still didn't trust her, but I decided to give her a second chance at a relationship on the condition that she not bring any more men into my siblings lives until they were all 18 or older(which she agreed to). I began to visit her semi-regularly, and Molly and I agreed that I would go to her house Saturday nights for dinner, seeing as I was already going to Buddy's around 7 pm Saturday nights anyway, which meant it wouldn't really change any of Molly's plans. At this time I began having a friend over, who we'll call Max. Max is a close friend of mine since middle school, and Molly approved him to be around any time, however I only really had him around on Tuesdays due to his work schedule. As soon as Max met Molly, he said he didn't really like the way she talked to me, and when I didn't understand(I have autism) he explained that a lot of how she speaks to me sounds like she's talking down to/making fun of me, and that when I say something she doesn't seem to take me seriously. I brushed this off, thinking that it was just him not being used to her somewhat abrasive personality.
Molly continued to complain about finances, and I continued searching for a job as I had been since I got there, and then came the first weird incident during this. One day Molly said that our mother had offered her a motorcycle, but that she had a feeling that she wouldn't actually give it to her, and so she was going to go buy her own. I didn't mention how counter intuitive this was to her finance problem, though I should have in hindsight. She also went out that weekend to get her nails and hair professionally done(which she had told me at one point all together was around $200), as well as I believe the next weekend to get a $180 tattoo shaded. Seeing as Molly had gone out and bought a motorcycle, my mother instead offered me the bike, which I accepted. Molly then began making comments about how she knew my mother was going to give me the bike, and that was why she had gone out and gotten her own(despite the fact that I had asked for the bike before I knew it was supposed to be given to Molly, and was told only if she didn't want it because she got first dibs).
During the last month, my mental health began to hit the decline I had warned Molly about. I informed her of when it became hard to get out of bed, when I was having guilt or s/h urges, and then eventually I reached a point where I requested she take back up at least some responsibility of dishes and laundry because my mental health couldn't handle it. She got somewhat indignant about this, saying that because I was living there rent free I should be doing the majority of the chores. By this time, I had very much seen what Max had been saying about her talking down to me, however I wasn't in the mental state to go against her, so I just reiterated that I really wasn't doing well. She said that her classwork, job, and social life wouldn't allow her to have time for it, and since I had none of those I didn't have any reason to feel the way I was. At this point, Buddy and my two old roommates(who we'll call Rat and Iroh) started insisting that I should go back to the original plan and only go down in mornings and until she got home from work, however I felt obligated to help her so I stayed. They repeatedly reminded me that she still hadn't followed through on any of her promises regarding driving school, car, or respecting my triggers. I continued to stay, partially to help her and partially because I knew at this point that it would backfire on the children as well if I left.
Two weeks before I was supposed to leave, Molly pulled me aside and told me that due to financial concerns, she would be letting the children go to a foster home in two weeks, once I left. This confused me seeing as a) I hadn't been bringing in any financials, and b) she insisted on keeping the 16 year old(who I'll call Fiona) but refused to keep the other two, because (in her own words) "Fiona is the easiest to handle". I felt as if I was to blame for this because the way Molly had presented it to me made it seem like the only reason she was letting the children go was because I was leaving, and a few days earlier she had been trying to push "if you could only stay another month". This plummeted my mental health, and about a week later(a week before my stay was supposed to end) I hit the point of actively wanting to self end. I informed her of this, and she got cold with me, saying she wished I had told her sooner. I reminded her that I had vocalized every step for things going down hill, and she insisted that it wasnt enough and I should have given her more notice, as well as claiming she could have done this whole thing without me and that I was more trouble than I was worth at points. She then started saying that I had only come back to get close to our mother and that I didn't actually care about her or the children(as I said, I hated my mother when I arrived). I told her that I would stay till that Friday night as it was Thursday and I didn't want to force her to try to find last minute childcare so late at night. At some point in this conversation we got a call from the middle(14nb, whom we'll call Sora) child's school saying that Sora had assaulted another student. This student had been making fun of Sora for months, claiming that they deserved the abuse they went through and that she hoped my stepfather got out of jail so that he could hurt Sora worse. I requested Molly not be too intense on the punishment, seeing as this had been an ongoing issue that had been brought to both the principal and Molly's attention, and been brushed off by both. Molly started beating me about how disgusting it was that I was condoning violence, and I clarified that while I didn't condone it, this situation had been hard enough on Sora. At this point in time, I had had enough and told her that if she didn't want my input and wanted to belittle me and "put me in my place", then she could put her money where her mouth was about being able to do this without me and I would leave that night. She said fine, but that she knew I wasn't actually wanting to end myself and was just using it as a convenient out of the situation. I began to pack. As soon as she got home she said that I had been taking her tone wrong, and that she hadn't meant to attack me. She then started saying that I wasn't screwing her over in this, I was screwing the children over. This was while the children were out of the house, and I did raise my voice, telling her that I wasn't trying to screw anyone over, I was following exactly the boundaries I had set, as I should have from the beginning. Buddy came and picked me up, and I went and spent the night with my mother.
The next day I was informed that Molly had told our caseworker that I had bailed, and that the children were to be picked up the next day(all except Fiona, who would stay in Molly's care and eventually the possibility of Molly adopting her was discussed). That Friday was the court case which was to decide what was to happen with my mother. Molly had expressed throughout this entire process that she didn't want my mother to go to jail, and that she would do almost anything to keep her out. The prosecutors had also expressed that they didn't want her to get a full 3 year sentence. During the court proceedings, Molly was the only one in the room requesting the maximum sentence for my mother, and during her speech was consistently deadnaming and misgendering me, which no one else in the court room was doing. My mother walked out with a 60 day sentence, which wasn't terrible, but the damage was done to mine and Molly's relationship, seeing as it was already strained before I found out she had been lying to me for months about her stances on this. She and I had had several conversations about this, while I hated my mother and whole I was healing my relationship with her, and her stance of wanting her to stay out of jail had never wavered. I unfollowed her on most medias, but kept her unblocked on everything. Three days before I was supposed to leave, I realized that my leather jacket and my keys to my boyfriend's collar were still at her house, and I tried to contact her to ask for them back. I texted her twice, neither of which she responded to, and then Buddy called her. She claimed she hadn't seen them, but refused to let us come over to look for them, despite the fact that the last time I had seen either one was in the house because I had been too depressed to leave the house. She continuously refused to let me come check, or even let someone else come check, claiming that she didn't trust me to put things back the way they were, despite me never showing any inclination of touching anything that wasn't mine. I went to text her again on the matter and found that she had blocked me on all platforms. Shortly after this Fiona would start claiming the same things about me not actually wanting to end myself and just using it as an excuse, showing that she had been talking to Molly about this, and her views on pretty much everything shifted to Molly's views. This caused a rift to the point that while I have strong contact with my other siblings, I don't have much contact with Fiona.
I feel as though it was wrong to leave the children in the situation they were in, and I desperately wish I could have done more to help, but I knew that once I hit that mental state I was no longer safe to be around them and only ran the risk of traumatizing them further if I had stayed.

· sometimes I hate the Internet in its current form because humans are too weak to cope with perfectly matched content by algorithms that can absorb for hours, a video starts, it is interesting and suddenly an hour passes, it is easy to fall into the so-called doomscrolling that results in nothing
· all social media have reached their peak, which is short videos with interesting music, whether it's Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok, it's practically the same everywhere, I liked it better when Instagram was only for photos, but I don't even see the point in browsing main page longer than 5 minutes because I'm tired of this form of content
· the Internet is a huge billboard with a lot of ads, here I will mainly stick to Facebook because sometimes I wonder how on earth I have such garbage on the main page, a long time ago it was transparent
· currently I am less and less interested in the lives of distant friends with whom I have shared life episodes, because what is interesting in what they do if I do the same or different things (they were in the mountains, they were on vacation, they have children, they say something, they eat eating, driving, etc.), (I'm starting to see that the collective human experience is the same) sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better if I forgot about most of these people
· fewer and fewer things impress me, everyday shocking news or the accounts of friends have become more common to me in some way, my experience of life has flattened out
· there is a lot of stupid content, dancing to the song, moving your lips to the lyrics, just stupidity, as if the Internet brings out the worst in people, you know - you can find valuable content, but you have to work a bit, you will automatically find sh** content
· there are so many bots on the X platform and you have to scroll through 20 posts under each video to get to normal user comments, most of these bots are clickbaits or reposted tiktoks
· multiplayer computer games - they use mechanisms that lead to addiction - these companies employ psychologists whose task is to operate in this way - e.g. uneven gratification, 4 matches won and 6 lost, or prizes, loot boxes, and what is the difference between 50 hour and, for example, 120 hour of gameplay - it's practically the same thing, killing time
· I don't remember anything about this empty time-killing on tiktok-like content - if someone asked me what I read today or yesterday - I wouldn't remember anything
· Fortunately, now I have understood it enough to install time limits on my phone and actually I don't like the Internet very much, I spend less time, I sleep better, I think better, I feel that I think and in some way decide whether I see it's the right content for me and if it brings something to my life

I (27F) have an older brother, 33M. We didn't get along very much as kids due to the age gap, not for my lack of trying. I never really understood why my brother didn't really like spending time with me, because he was one of my favorite people in the world, despite all his bullying.
For context, I'll give some examples of what my brother has done to me over the years with some vague age ranges of when they occurred.
When I was about 3, my brother convinced me that red was orange and orange was red because I was learning my colors in preschool. He also used to steal food like tater tots off my little high chair tray and would pretend he didn't do anything when my mom checked on why I was crying (I was NOT a fussy baby/toddler, so it set off alarm bells when I did.)
I think when I was 4 or 5, my brother came into my room after I had already been put to bed, and he woke me up. Thing is, he was hovering over me with a scary mask on, only the hallway light, and a butterknife. Not sure I really have to explain why that was traumatic. I'm still afraid of masks to this day.
When I was around 10-12, my brother kept drinking all the milk or kool aid that I would make and never replenish/remake it. I told him to stop, he wouldn't, of course. My mom was fostering other children and didn't have time for squabbles like this. So I very visibly spit on top of the kool aid pitcher and left the lid off so it was seen. What does my (reminder, 17-19) brother do? He wrenches the bowl of cereal I'm currently eating out of my hands, spits in it, and shoves it back at me hard enough that it spilled all over me. Now, I'm not an angry person. I'm not a violent person. But I was still a child and fed up with being bullied by someone who was/almost an adult. I never tried getting physical before because I was so much smaller, but I hit puberty kind of early. So I splashed the bowl back at him to see how he liked it. He threw me to the ground and hit me. My mom had to break us up and told us we were both to blame, so he didn't even get punished.
Several times, he would turn the lights off on me when I was on the other side of the room in the basement away from the switch, because I was afraid of the dark for a very long time.
We had Sonic Adventure 2 we shared. If we ever fought about something, or I reminded him it was my turn, he threatened to say goodbye forever to my chao. I am extremely soft hearted so that accomplished what he wanted.
Sometimes I would notice my things go missing. I had assumed maybe my mom put them away somewhere and forgot, but I'm pretty sure I know what happened to them. Especially gamecube games-- Those discs were tiny! He was pawning them for drug and booze money. One time he was drunk and admitted he had been selling his adderall for other drugs. That came to a head one terrible Christmas Eve. Brother was home for the holiday and I'm not very clear on what events led up to it, but my parents caught my brother in the bathroom with a baggie of various drugs that he was already doing. He insisted it was just weed, but my parents didn't believe that. I wouldn't know, I only briefly saw the bag, but it was full of both a large green ball of like leaves and lots of white powder. It was a vicious screaming match for a few hours. I hid out in my room on a different floor and played a video game as loud as I could so I didn't have to hear my family. The screams died down after a while, and I cautiously went out of my room. My brother had left the house for a while. I had a few holiday assignments and decided to just crank them out while my family cooled off, and I did it at the dining room table because that's where our Christmas tree was too and I desperately needed that good cheer magic. I was quietly writing, not saying anything, not making much noise, when my brother came back in the house. He stopped off at the kitchen for something and muttered something rude and belittling to me. At this point I'm a preeten-early teen and he had already ruined the day that had always been magical to me before, as my grandma used to stay over with us on Christmas Eve. She had died rather recently at the time. And I can't tell you exactly what I said. I think I've blocked out as much as I can. I made some snide remark, something like 'at least I don't do drugs' and in the next second I was yanked out of my chair. My brother picked me up by the neck and slammed me against the wall. I know I clawed and kicked against the wall as hard as I could. I blacked out, and I woke up on the floor with my parents absolutely screaming at him that he could have killed me. As a side note to the whole ordeal, he never apologized, and it's made my adult life a lot harder as weed becomes more and more commonplace. Just the thought of it used to send me in a panic attack, I could feel the hands choking me again. I've gotten better about dealing with it, but I still refuse to have it in any part of my life whatsoever. It's cost me a few relationships.
When I was in college, my brother had moved back in with me and my parents because his girlfriend dumped him for being a piece of shit that worked at walmart and did nothing but drink all day despite having a state paid scholarship, that he wasted, because he couldn't keep his GPA above 2.8. He was a music major. The classes he took were things like 'History of Jimi Hendrix' and 'The Beatles'. He just partied too much to even attend class. He took the dog they got with him, not at all prepared for her. The dog is a high energy breed that is difficult to train, and we had two small 5-10 pound dogs at home. At 1 year old, bro's dog was about 30 pounds. He often left for several hours during summers/breaks when I was home, without telling anyone, knowing that I would either hear the dog cry if he crated them and feel bad and let them out or that I wouldn't banish them to a crate if they were already in a room with me. The dog bullied our other dogs and bit at everyone. Dog was incredibly overly protective of my brother-- Trait of the breed. I was back at college for a few months and had spent a good month mourning the loss of a 5 year relationship. I never really heard anything from him. Then out of the blue, my brother asks me if I can let him and dog stay for the night (we live 2 hours from the college) because my mom had kicked him out. The dog had bit her and she snapped at my brother to control his f'ing dog and he responded by calling her, the woman who birthed him, payed for his other college costs, paid back loans he promised to pay to other family members, never charged him rent, and he called her a f'ing female dog. She snapped. While I agree that my mom was completely in the right to do that, I have too soft of a heart to just leave him with nowhere to go. He promised it was just a night so he could get in touch with some friends closer to home and figure shit out. I let him come to me.
I really regret that decision.
At the time I had a new roommate (she was very nice though, I liked her) and a sort of FWB who doted on me for a little while. I texted FWB and asked if he could bring some alcohol by-- I was still 19 at the time, underage to buy it, but FWB was old enough and agreed the man could probably do with a drink. We stayed out on our little porch area to make sure that we wouldn't be disturbing my roomie in any way while we socialized. My brother got really wasted. He told me terrible things about our deceased grandmother (who he knew I had really loved growing up, and had no idea about who she really was because she had always loved me). And he laughed. He laughed when he saw the discomfort on my face. My FWB was feeling pretty bad for me and suggested we go to bed because it was also like 3 in the morning and both of us had class in the morning, so we go inside. The apartment has a shared common room/living room, little kitchen area, and laundry closet. My bedroom is on one side and roomie's was on the other-- Both bathrooms are also ensuite to the bedroom. So I went in and changed out of my clothes into something comfier to sleep in and crawled into my bed, letting my brother do his own thing in the bathroom. I'm just trying to rest and suddenly my brother is pulling me out of my bed and dragging me out of my own room. He's yelling that he's taking my bed, did I really expect him to take the couch? And I'm not very confrontational. I'm flustered, tired, and honestly a little afraid after the neck choke incident. FWB steps in like a hero and tries to calmly explain that its my bed, and I will sleep in it, I have been kind enough to let him stay and he should not be so ungrateful. Brother fucking loses his mind. Starts screaming his head off about how selfish I am and how reliant I am on our parents and won't be able to do anything on my own as an adult (I was financially dependent on my parents at 19 while in college, shocker). He starts drunkenly trying to pick up his dog's toys and searching for his keys, and both FWB and I step in and tell him he can't go driving like this, after like half a bottle of fireball. He at least needs to sober up before he can drive. I stand in front of the front door, as my brother is still searching for his keys, and there is no way I'm letting him out of here right now. Brother has found his keys, and starts pulling at me and hurting me. Lucky for me, FWB had been a pretty good wrestler in highschool. He got my brother pinned down and I snatched the keys, hiding over by the sink in case I had to throw them in there. He's screaming his head off and my poor roommate comes out and asks what the hell is going on because she knows I'm very quiet and tend to keep visitors in my room. I'm like half sobbing trying to explain and the FWB, still pinning my brother, tells her that we're trying to keep him from drunk driving. My roommate does not play around with that. She was in nursing school, and had recently lost a friend to a drunk driver. I don't know how it worked, but she put on her stern nurse tone and told my brother that he was free to leave when he sobered up, or she herself would be calling the cops on him, and both me and FWB could press additional charges for assault. He reluctantly agreed to this condition and FWB let him off the floor, but sat in front of the front door just in case. When he was sobered up, he left, saying 'I hope you like mom and dad, because I'm not your family anymore'.
And that was devastating. I couldn't stop crying. My FWB went back to bed with me and laid me down in bed and let me cry until I passed out. He skipped his class that day to be there for me. I know I don't paint a good picture of my brother, but I did/do love him. I thought now that we were older that he'd mellowed out and we could be good friends like I always wanted. I mean, I made like 300 fake facebook accounts back in the day to vote for his band to be a headliner at a large concert. Just a few years prior when he was home on a break he introduced me to a TV show we binged and he let my lay on his shoulder. (I was/am very touch starved but paralyzed by fear that I'm annoying the other person, and all my friends were made later in life and are states away). When Pokemon Go came out we would take late night drives around quiet places of town while hunting pokemon together. We traded off the controller on online battlefield games and compared scores and the most ridiculous deaths. I really thought that he loved me too, finally, after years of resentment.
He didn't speak to me for 2 years. I didn't find out until later, but my parents lied for him on my behalf that he still loved me and was just annoyed, and gave me birthday/christmas presents that they told me had been from him, just that he was working. I really treasured those objects when I didn't know the truth about them. I got a really stupid mug with the first letter of my name on it in pink and zebra print (two things I don't really enjoy) but I used that thing every single day.
So, these are glimpses into my previous relationship with my brother. I don't really remember when he started speaking to me again, but I sure know he never apologized. He had finally hit rock bottom and asked my father to put in a good word for him at (insert facility with decent pay and good benefits but hard work), which he had previously rejected by telling my parents that it was a shit job. My brother's name got put closer to the top of the resumes. He got in. It wasn't easy work, or comfy sometimes, but it paid well enough to endure that, I guess. My brother used to be rather athletic.
Between the cut off point and then, my brother had worked at a (also generic job) a town or two over and hated the commute. He also happened to find a girlfriend with an apartment sort of close by. She didn't like having him over because of his dog, and almost never let him do any overnight. But now that my brother had a better paying job, she was willing to move in with him, of course. My brother bought a house in our home town and she came with it. She pays a ridiculously low amount of rent to my brother.
If she was home and brother wasn't, the dog stayed crated up because she didn't want to deal with it. Both of them worked, but her job isn't at all difficult. And yet somehow, sometimes pulling doubles, my brother ended up doing most of everything. My brother, who didn't learn to do his laundry until his 20s, ate pizza every single day, and had left used condoms on the floor of his bedroom in our parents house when he left. He did most of the cooking because she says she's bad at it. But will make pies for her mom. When the holidays came around, instead of discussing or rotating, they will always go to her family first. If my brother can come to ours at all. He often misses entire occassions (we don't go out big, but like, cmon. Hand your dad the gift card on his birthday at least, not 2 weeks later).
I also used to get to hangout or see my brother sometimes. Maybe once every few weeks, and it was fun! It was the friendship I had always dreamt of. Now I can't even get him to do anything online with me from the comfort of his own home. I don't have a single text from him this year past 1/27.
At first, we all understood. She was quirky. I was quirky. We share several similar traits and interests. I used to like that and be excited to have a family member like me, but now I dread the day she becomes family.
Let's start with the smoking car. Me and my parents were driving near his street so we could cut through to the highway, and out of nowhere, black smoke starts coming from the hood. My father tells me and my mom to get out and he'll get it to my brother's and out of the road to look at it and see what was going on. This was like.... early August. It was very hot outside. Since I've 'been in the house before' and 'know what it's like' I am 'allowed' to come into my brother's house to cool off. But GF refuses letting in either of them, referring to the messy state of the house. Which, okay, fair-- But its HER messes. My brother cleans up after her. I learned later that GF snapped at him about his family always coming over unannounced and how she has to hurry to put on a bra and everything is messy and we can't just drop in its rude! She says, as her mother and brother do the exact same thing, in a house she doesn't own. But my family let it be water under the bridge for now. My brother called me a f'in a'hole for telling my mom about the conversation. Because my mom was livid.
The next thing is my father. My dad's family has a pretty big history of strokes and heart attacks, and he's had one heart attack. My dad had been in pain all day and he finally gave up at about 3AM and woke my mom up to drive him to the hospital. I don't have a license at this point, so there's little that I can do. My mom says the surgery he probably needs isn't even done here and they're transferring him, my mom asked me to keep my brother in the loop. So I told him about this and about the time they would reach the hospital, because my mom dad gran and I share locations. I asked if he would take me up, I had a bag full of things that might make him more comfortable or less stressed. The hospital they're taking our dad to is a little over an hour away. Everyone is more or less frantic. My brother is talking to work for him, I'm making sure that for however many hours that our pets will be okay and talking to my mom's work. We drive there and nothing major happens, but it was so... Uncomfortable? Tense. The thing that's hurting my dad is a blocked or enlarged blood vessel that cuts off oxygen to the tissue around it, which, cells die, and you really need your colon, the area my dad has an issue with. The thing is, until they can do the surgery, it was like he was a ticking time bomb. My brother takes me home when visitor hours are over and I hold my dogs tight. The next day is filled with lots of pricks pokes and prods at my dad so we don't go that day. We do go the day after, Friday. My brother's GF is in the truck with him. I'm not really paying attention to much of anything because for all we know my dad could die before we got there. Brothers' GF goes to get some snacks from the long drive and the fact that she's not exactly family yet. My brother, mom and I rotate who is away in the cafe and eating with GF. I see GF and my brother whispering angrily at each other. She's tugging at his arm. I manage to pick up 'We're going to miss my mom's dinner!" And I am just stunned. Her mother has a small family dinner every single friday and makes meatloaf. His GF wanted us to head back from our critical father, because she didn't want to miss a weekly event. And I really have to hand it to my brother for not snapping right then and there. He waited until we were in his truck and out of the hospital parking lot and says "How in the f'ck do you say something to me like that? Like, for real, wtf!" GF starts crying and says its a family tradition and her mom is all she has left-- False. She has her mom, sister, and brother, at least. Her father died in a car incident that hospitalized her as a kid. So my brother snaps again like 'are you seriously telling me you value a f'ing loaf of meat over a life? we have no idea what will happen, my dad could die within the hour and i'm not there, he could die tomorrow, how long d-" And GF cuts him off wailing that her dad is dead. Which, yes, is a horrifyingly traumatic experience. But she does not get to play the 'my dad is dead' card ten years after the fact, to justify leaving our possibly dying father before visiting hours ended. She tried to emotionally blackmail my brother by apologizing to me through tears that this must be so hard for me but honestly I was doing my best to block it out, staring at pictures of dogs in hammocks. I shared my brother's sentiment.
But wait, there's more! Remember that car accident GF had years ago? You would think that, if nothing else, she would be empathetic for someone/their family in a car crash? You'd be wrong! I was rear ended at 60 mph right in front of my house after coming home from work (the ambulance took me straight back to work lmao). The physical damage to me was pretty minimal, bruises and a sprained ankle because my foot was pressed on the brake, waiting for an opportunity to cross into the driveway. This was late October 2020. Covid regulations were pretty strict. So I was alone in a room for a while and in pain. My parents had followed the ambulance. My dad had actually heard the crash and went 'huh she usually comes home now' and runs over after seeing the wreckage. My parents had the crash footage, grainy, but there thanks to the cameras set up outside our house. I hadn't realized it by that point but I had a pretty good concussion, and I was hurt, and scared. I was texting my mom constantly but my dad had left his phone at home in the rush to get my mom and she hadn't charged her phone, they'd been in the parking lot for like an hour and a half already. They promised me they'd be back soon, they'll just pop in and let my brother know since he lives nearby. My parents didn't even ask to like, stay and sit with them instead of a cold car. My mom asked to pee and to borrow a charging cable (they had one, GF has the same model phone) given the, you know, situation. My brother barely cracked the door to speak with them. He said no, because GF was uncomfortable, because they were waiting for their second negative test to come in. Read that again. They had tested negative. It's not like my mom would go near anyone to the bathroom either-- The back door that's used more often is literally inches away from the bathroom door. My brother didn't even try to argue with his GF about his own home and some empathy for someone else dealing with a car crash. It absolutely disgusted my parents. And later on brother told me he got another earful about our parents just dropping in without notice and its like? Excuse me? Its his house!
Unfortunately, a tire popped on my parents' car when we were nearby. It was like, 3 years since the first issue with the car. I went inside and asked my brother to let my mom in because its raining. GF did not like that, and didn't realize I could overhear her down the hall, arguing with my brother and his family again. I went over the next day to my brother and he was actively cleaning up GF's mess so it wouldn't be as 'embarassing' for her. I sat him down and talked to him as realistically as I could. I have depression, anxiety, emotional abuse trauma, agorophobia, and very few friends. But I'm okay. He started very quietly expressing his frustration towards GF. She doesn't do much around the house or contribute financially, lets her family over but not his, him doing most of the cooking despite regularly pulling 12s. I sat there calmly, because of course I knew this. This is what makes the situation somewhat even more sticky. I asked my brother, "Do you actually love someone like that? Or are you afraid to be alone?" He's been in one relationship or another for most of my life. Lately he had been confiding in me about how bad his mental health was falling and I was like 'that's not a slump, that's. that's depression.' So when I asked my brother the question, he hesitated. That spoke loudly enough in my opinion. But then I also saw my brother's face crumpling as he admitted he just didn't want to be alone. GF wants babies but my brother knows with her medical history and condition on top of being so lazy and bluntly told me she would not be a good mother and hopes to God that day doesn't come. He is so unhappy being with her. We both heard the rustling of a comforter and my brother lowered his panicky voice and asked me to leave so she doesn't see me here. That is incredibly messed up, especially since its his name on the house. I haven't seen my brother at his house since then, and that was over 2 years ago.
During COVID, GF started working from home, and it stayed that way. My brother still takes care of most things.
In the mean time, he's proposed to her. Yeah. I managed to save things when all our faces dropped at the Christmas dinner he announced their engagement at. My brother calls her by a nickname that was also the name of a beloved family dog that had passed away only one month ago. My dad and my reactions at that time were genuine confusion and sadness about him bringing up our passed pet. Everything was pretty quiet after that. When we got home, I texted my brother and told him that hearing our dog's name in conversation after losing her so recently shattered us, be we were, in fact, happy for his engagement.
I lied.
None of us want him to marry her. I dread the day that I get a wedding invitation or GF shows up pregnant. She would be a terrible mother. My brother is aware of the fact that my parents think she's a rude, inconsiderate brat that only thinks of herself, from that earlier conversation that I talked to my parents about. My mom snapped that they don't have to like her, all they were required to do was be civil, and we are, so shut up.
At larger family functions GF tends to gravitate around me. Like I said, we have similar interests and personalities. And I have never told her to get lost or had it in me to upfront tell her we don't like her. I am absolutely horrible at confrontation, but my patience is wearing thin.
Last year my parents set up brunch for Mother's Day. We were at the table when my brother called and said they were going to urgent care because GF had another one of her migraines that make her vomit. Which, she takes medicine and has injectable solutions. Some situation always comes up with her right before my brother would come to us.
My parents tried again with the Mother's Day brunch last week. On the day of, he said that he was too tired to come, can we try next week? Please insert the eyeroll of the century.
Because of our clear dislike, my brother doesn't often bring his GF around anymore on the offchance she lets him. It occurred to me that my parents planned the same brunch as last year, and I was dreading my question. "Is GF coming with us for brunch?" They don't know. All my brother did was confirm the time and place. The thought of having to deal with her in the morning and pretend that I don't see her for what she is, is already exhausting me. I can barely get my brother to even play online with me. I feel like this has been festering long enough that at some point, its all going to overflow at once. But I am absolutely disgusted by how she takes advantage of my brother's fear of being alone and how the world revolves around her.
I had a dream the other day, actually, it was a good dream. I was at their wedding, and the priest guy said the standard 'speak now or hold your peace' and I stood up and loudly shouted OBJECTION! Every single person in the room turned to look at me, one because I don't raise my voice like that, two my patience is vast, and three, to upset me to this level of shouldering my anxiety by making a spectacle of myself. I then explained every detail, especially how much she was charged for rent, that my brother admitted he wasn't happy, and I wanted better for him than to just be an ATM maid.
If I bring this up to my brother again, I may lose him forever. But if I don't, he may be miserable together. And on the third side-- Do I actually really want my brothers' friendship at this point? Like, I'm definitely fed up dealing with his GF like she is. Plus, I pointed out and reiterated to him before that he admitted he wasn't happy.
I am very, very quiet by default. Never got into much trouble. I was and still am a gentle soul at my core being. If things get to a point where I cross lines of polite manners and call someone out on their bs, people around know that someone did something almost unforgivable. I'm wondering if my brother would know that.
TLDR; Brother's fiancee is disliked for good reason. My brother has isolated. I miss him, but also never want to see him again. I want to remind him that this marriage isn't a good idea, but I don't want to antagonize him.

I text a (now former) best friend a couple weeks before my double mastectomy for breast cancer asking to meet up for a coffee and a hug.
This was her response:
“I can glean from your Facebook page, that you do have quite a bit of people that are in a place to support you — and you need to lean on them instead. I can't be your shoulder anymore. I've been it since the beginning, and this relationship has been consistently depleting me for a long time. I've given so much grace to this friendship, and I'm spent. I know how the timing of all this must look and feel to you, and while I'm truly sorry that you're going through these things with your health — it doesn't change how I feel, and the fact that I need space. How long that's going to be, is an answer I don't have for you.
I am of course still sending you well-wishes for a smooth surgery and recovery, but I'm asking that you please respect this boundary, and to seek support from someone else that is able.”
Even one of the advocates from the National Breast Cancer Foundation support group said it was one of the nastiest things she’s ever read.
I have since blocked her nearly everywhere but she still keeps popping up on mutual friends’ pages. She’s also a local musician and I feel like I can’t go into these venues bc she’s there. Everyone is always lauding and fawning over her and abandoning a friend who had a hysterectomy 2/6 followed by a double mastectomy 4/4 is just so flipping low. I want people to know, but that in turn, would make me look like an asshole. It’s sort of absurd I’m so frustrated over this given I have TRULY much bigger problems like reconstructive surgery and endocrine therapy my body isn’t tolerating.
How do you move past that kind of coldness and heartbreak and grief. I just wanted a freaking hug.
Has this happened to anyone else? What would you do? I just can’t get over it.

Im sick of it tbh. It feels like every godamn person I come into contact with just gets to have a life yknow or they get a functional relationship or yknow something goes right for them. For me its the same story over and over agian. Always alone in my room the last resort option for everything and everyone, no job, failing school ,mom's a piece of shit. The only good consistent thing is my one friend/father figure almost but he always also has more of a life then me so he can't give me that much attention + he rubs the fact that he has a life in like CRAZZZY. Idk im just, i cant stop scrolling thro insta and facebook only to see exs and other people I used to know's stories just working out while im the dust. Its not fair. I tried to be good despite evrything and it only backfires, it feels like I can't have anything thats just mine for the keeping. My life has random peaks but they never last, they either dont work out or end up being a curse in disguise and biting me in the ass or they just go away. My mom goes through these stupid phases where she puts on the "good mom" act only for it to fall apart the second anything goes wrong and I need her lol. I applied to EVERY DAMN restraunt/cinema/buisness/etc in all of Manhattan im pretty sure and I been workin my ass off trying to get a job all fuckin year so I can make money to move out, I get ONE fuckin interview and suprise suprise the job goes to the managers kid who probably doesn't even give a fuck! I spent every minute of two weeks preparing for that shit, I even wore a fuckin suit (lady variation of a suit) shit, my interview was right after school so I wore that shit to school, didnt even get considered for the job. Every relationship/talking stage/whatever is either only a secret hookup for him or they leave once I get attached or it just becomes EXTREMELY toxic and borderline abusive and they leave anyways lol. Friends just leave, judge you or get you into deeper shit (the bullfucks at my school at least) and there all fake fucks too. So i've given up socializing. Along with giving up school and my family situation. My relationships are doomed and my only hope is getting a part time job so I can have some cash so I have some control, yknow. Im pretty much done with school, its an alt school so it goes by class, meaning I currently only have to be there one hour a day, the rest of the days every week for the last month I been spending alone in my room vaping. I been fuckin with my vyvance too, taking it up the nose. I have wayyyyy too much time to thinl and stalk peoples socials and every single time I open insta I wanna shoot myself but I have this dumb sick addiction to how inferior I am compared to the new chicks my exs are with. Especially the guy I lost my v to. Man his new girl idk I was hoping she'd be as lame and ugly as him but no, in fact she's just everything im not. Shes aint even a 10 compared to me she a 100000. Beautiful dark skin, long full hair, clear skin, perfect curvy body, smart, motivated, fuckin model, going to college, loving parents, mentally stable, wholesome. For godsakes there valentines date they drank tea and watched Stewart fuckin Little. Man, why? I did soo much to help him, soo much to take care of him, he ditched me as a friend at my literal fuckin lowest after all of that. Comes back after months of not talking to bang me no condy, shows up the next morning with an anti-baby pill even though he knew from like week one of being friends im personally VERY agianst abortion and for me chemical contraceptives. I dont blame other people for using them, its a choice. But in my case, I just strongly believe in fate/god and I feel wrong about using a chemical pill after the deeds done to ruin that. I mean yeah I was 14 but still, he knew I wasnt cool with that but he convinced me by telling me he really loved me. So I did only for him to tell me what a broken, dysfunctional piece of shit I am before walking out the door. Im glad I didnt have a baby at 14 in the middle of a several month episode too lol but still. Anyways my point with that shit was im just tired of people always finding someone better than me, it feels like theres always a better option for everyone im always the backup for when shit hits the fan. For friends too, even with my mom. Im the back burner shit to microwave when theres no other food in the house. Man, what i'd do to have someone who truly wanted me a lot or somehwere where I was wanted, doubt it'll ever happen though. Dumb lil rant :))))

Throwaway account because she is occasionally on Reddit and the last thing I want is for her to stumble upon this post and feel attacked.
Apologies in advance for the novel. Brevity isn’t exactly my strong suit.
My (27M) wife (24F) gave birth about 17 months ago. We have been together for 4 years. During the pregnancy, we weren’t intimate at all. I was completely understanding of that and also understanding of her not really being affectionate at all during that time.
After our baby was born, she began taking birth control for the first time in her life, and coupled with just having given birth, it really affected her hormones to the point that I didn’t even recognize her personality or behavior. She eventually recognized on her own that it was changing her into someone that she didn’t recognize and stopped taking the pills. After about a month, she seemed to be back to normal. There’s a lot more to this part of the story, but I’ll leave it at that. This isn’t an anti-bc message at all, it’s just that the one that she was taking wasn’t great. She isn’t currently on bc because she is afraid how she will “react” to it, and even though I’m in agreement, it’s totally her decision to make.
Since the baby was born, I’ve done everything that I can possibly do to make her feel comfortable and not overextended. I cook all of the meals, do 90% of the cleaning, all laundry, most diaper changes, and so on. I give her massages almost daily. We both work a lot, but she typically works about 50 hours/week, I work 40, so when she comes home I like for her to be able to relax. I’ll add that she is a great mother to our baby and spends time playing and reading to him. And then she goes on TikTok or Facebook for hours until she falls asleep. Finances are good, we both make roughly the same amount of money and have good jobs. I take her out regularly.
The only issue that I have is that there’s almost no affection from her whatsoever. I’m not talking about sex, because that unfortunately doesn’t happen either. Other than when she was on bc, She has no sex drive whatsoever since becoming pregnant (which is a drastic change from before). We have had sex a few times, but it still causes her pain, and I don’t even want to do it if it can’t be mutually enjoyed. She says I love you and says all of the right things, but there’s no physical connection. If I don’t touch her, she notices and gets borderline upset, but she never ever reciprocates. It’s been over two years, counting the pregnancy and postpartum and it’s starting to really bother me. I feel like I do a lot, and it’s because I’m in love with her, not because I want a reward, but I’m starting to feel really invisible. I’ve brought up my feelings at certain times in the past, she understands how I feel, I just don’t think she cares at the moment.
I’m as sure as anyone can possibly be that she isn’t cheating. I’m not leaving her or anything. We still have a connection, but it’s only physical from my side and my frustration is building to chest pain levels. I’m afraid that this has become our new normal forever and it’s difficult to take.
So my question, is this at all normal? If so, what can I do to change my focus and help her? I’ve (as delicately as possible) mentioned that she should see a doctor about the pain and discomfort during sex, as well as just a general checkup. But she isn’t interested in that and says that it’s just normal after pregnancy. The sex and the overall blasé.
TL:DR- wife is non-affectionate for the last 2 years (pregnancy and postpartum)