Married and dating modesto cal

Hi. I am a 23 year old mom of a 3 year old, her bio dad and I split when she was around 8 months old. He was spotty until eventually he stopped coming around completely. I was okay with this as I had been able to manage alone as I was used to him not being around since her young age. I met a man and he’s been In my life for 8 months. We’re dating and taking about getting married and have plans of doing so as soon as we’re back from a family trip we planned. He’s a great father figure to my daughter. He’s the most kind soft hearted caring man I’ve ever met. He’s never ever thought of my daughter as anything else but his. I feel very blessed. Recently we found out I was pregnant. We’re super excited but I’m scared of what my family and friends might think bc we are not married yet and based on my kids Bio dad I get a little embarrassed bc I don’t want them thinking that my new boyfriend is gonna end up the same way. We talk about how we’re gonna tell our family after a couple more months but I’m still very nervous…I feel like maybe it’s built up trauma from everything I went through with my first babies Bio dad…and how everyone made me feel when I became a single mom…I don’t feel like this is fair to my partner. So I’m very nervous and scared..but I feel stupid??

But even typing this, it doesn’t feel real. I still have hope tonight that he can change. I feel so stupid.
I am 38F and he is 39M.
I am devastated. I would do anything and everything to be married forever, but it’s no longer an option and hasn’t been since the fourth month of our marriage. I was 8 weeks pregnant with his child and he assaulted me with a metal cup in the car while he was driving on the freeway because I wouldn’t stop saying why he was upsetting me. The fight continued when we got home and he had called the police, lied to them and had me arrested. Eight weeks pregnant. With bruises up and down my body. I got arrested. I spent the night in jail and had to listen to my baby’s heartbeat for the first time from a county jail exam table.
Somehow, through that, we stayed married. Abuse makes you do wild things. It changes your brain. Abusers purposely make you confused. Through counseling, I am coming out of the confusion now, though.
I could go on and on about the abuse I have suffered. I am here today because typing this makes it real that I am leaving. And I am here today because I need support in understanding that he is not going to change.
This morning things escalated by 8am. This is typical weekend behavior. I discovered that he has been smoking cigarettes in one of the vehicles that is in my name and that I pay for, and that I have asked him not to smoke in repeatedly. I do not smoke. I think it’s gross. And it has ruined the interior of this vehicle that is expensive. Not only that, but our child has asthma. Most likely because he IS a smoker. Anyway, I grabbed something out of the vehicle for his 6yo and I came back in and simply said “please don’t smoke in the truck anymore. Please don’t tell me that you haven’t been either.” This sent him into a spiral. He called me names and said that I am controlling. He started following me around the house screaming behind my head. He is nearly a foot taller than me and this is physically intimidating to me. So much so that my hands start to shake, my heart races and my thoughts become blurry when he does this. I knew at this point it was best for me to get our child and leave. So I was doing that. But this morning he would not let me leave the bedroom and was blocking me from leaving with our child with his body in the doorway. I told him I was going to call non-emergency if he didn’t move. And he would not. So I was trying to figure out how to call but my hands were shaking so bad and my brain was so jumbled I gave up and called my sister on speaker. I asked her to call the police. As soon as he saw her name on my phone he moved and let me leave. He yelled at me and our child out the door and to the neighborhood “see - I’m so scary - I’m letting you leave”. I got our child in the backseat and drove down the street to park and get them dressed. They were only in a pull up. I saw the officer coming down the road and flagged him down. I told him what happened and he went and talked with him. I left with our child and went to my sisters. Eventually we came home and he has been upstairs ever since. This is also typical. He will have an outburst. And then go upstairs and not speak to me for a week. And then one morning he’ll just wake up and decide that it’s time to be normal again. And generally comes to me and says “have you calmed down”. Which, as you can imagine, perpetuates the situation further. And drags it on. He does not understand accountability.
We have been married 3.5 years, together for 5 total. We have one child together (2yo) and he has two other children (6yo and 14yo).
We moved in together after 9 months of dating. That is when the abuse started. The first time he was physically abusive, he broke through our bedroom door. Broke. The entire door - down. Somehow, I decided to continue.
From the start, I’ve known it was never going to last. He is unstable. He has a long and dark history of mental illness (both himself and his immediate maternal and paternal family). In addition to struggling with substance abuse his entire life. His childhood is tragic and full of heartache. It shaped the man he is today, and not for the better.
He is in the trades industry and has a GED. I am a director level professional and have a college degree. His father was in prison for the last half of his childhood and eventually took his life when he was released. My father is a retired architect, Vietnam vet. We grew up completely different. Both of our parents divorced. He then suffered verbal and emotional abuse from his step father. I suffered verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from my mother.
I believe my mother is a narcissist and undiagnosed. And I believe my husband has narcissistic tendencies and/or is one. But I am not a medical professional. I am going on what I’ve experienced with both of them.
When we first met, he was 34 and I was 33. He was unemployed and really not doing well. Drinking in access. A lot. Everyday. But I did not know. I was doing very well. I had spent my 20s creating a fulfilling and financially successful career. He spent his 20s job hopping and, quite honestly, messing around. But we had fun together. But having fun together is not real life.
Here is where the manipulation began. He was upfront about his upbringing and past. And was genuinely making steps towards a better life. He is a born again Christian. And as an educated person, I believe he has grabbed on to what is actually important in the Bible. However, he is unable to abide by what a husband biblically should be. He does not love, protect or provide for me or our child. We joined a church, I became involved and made friends, and we went there as a family for multiple years. Until one night he showed up drunk, and I never went back.
I am the breadwinner. I pay for ev. ry. thing. He keeps his entire paycheck and will not give me money to pay bills. He will also not physically pay the bills. I manage and pay all bills. But not because I don’t want him to. I have begged, cried, and tried a million different systems (both digital and analog) to make him involved. And he flat out refuses. He abused our shared checking by taking money out to “pay bills” from his personal checking account and then did not pay those bills and spent the money. So I would then have to pay multiple months and late fees to catch up. Many. Many. Times.
In addition to not contributing financially, he does not contribute to the household upkeep or yard maintenance. Literally nothing. If I want the yard kept, I do it, or I pay someone to do it. If something on a vehicle goes out, I make the appointment and consult with the technician. But again, not because I want to, but because he will not participate. Or if he does, it’s half assed and more work for me. He does not grocery shop or cook. He has never cooked one meal for me. I think he’s maybe gotten a bowl of ice cream for me a couple times? He does not clean. He has cleaned the bathroom in our home two times. We have lived here 4 years. We live in separate bedrooms because he won’t pickup after himself. His room is squalor. Clothes on every square inch. Fast food wrappers. No sheet on mattress. I have cleaned it for him many times in hopes that we could make a drastic change and start sleepin next to each other again. But he refuses. I know this sounds insane that I have stayed married. It sounds insane to me.
He verbally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually and financially abuses me. Maybe not all at once, everyday. But one of them most likely daily now. Or a couple. It’s been a very long time since there has been a long stretch of stability or peace.
However, I am changing all of that this year. I have hired an attorney and am climbing through the paperwork right now.
On Christmas morning last year, before we hosted family that day, he threw a (heavy) laundry basket full of dirty clothes at me as I was going down the stairs because I asked him for help with something. And after the first one hit me, I sat down and covered my head so I wouldn’t fall, and he threw another one at me. I don’t know how I masked my raw emotions through the rest of the day with family over. I ate not one bite. I pushed my food around my plate and tried to make my face contort into normal emotions for the day.
But I stayed. Again.
Mother’s Day morning this year. Just one week ago - I spent it locked in my bedroom with our child paying the divorce attorney retainer fee on the laptop as he screamed at me what a piece of shit mother and wife I am. I honestly don’t even know what I did or remember why it escalated. Most likely because it was a holiday - and not about him.
I am exhausted. I have lost close to 30lbs since January. People are beginning to notice.
I wanted a family more than anything. I adore my child. I spend my days and nights dreaming up ways to enrich their life. I wanted family vacations and world travel. I wanted to host, big, extended family holiday gatherings. I wanted my little baby to know what it felt like to have a mom and dad at home together every night. But not at this cost. The very worst part of my parenting is staying married. I am a bad parent every day that I stay here.
I wish I could file the petition and fast forward a year. I know I’ll be okay. It’s ripping off the bandaid that hurts.

So to start off this isn't my story but one of my best friend's (Alyssa) but I was there when it happened. It's something that happened a years ago but we were reminiscing about the past & then after seeing a couple other posts similar to this situation, got talking about it. I have been given permission to talk/post about it.
My best friend, who we'll call, James, met the love of his life, Alyssa when we were teenagers. Unfortunately they ended up breaking up over a misunderstanding. A few years later they ended up meeting again through a mutual friend of ours, Alan, who was her cousin at his birthday party. After reconnecting, they fell back in love & got back together. When they wanted to get married not even a year after dating, his family (mainly parents) thought they were moving too fast along with the fact they thought she was only after his money. Which wasn't true because she had her own money as she was doing very well in her career just as he was. And when his family realized that they apologized & warmed up to her. Unfortunately roughly 4 years after they were married, he died in a car accident. The house (which he bought not even a month before they got back together) was in his will to go to her and the daughter they shared together.
Roughly 6 months after his funeral, his sister, who we'll call Josie, showed up at the house. (Alyssa has allowed & still does allow James family to see their daughter along with letting them have her for occasional holidays or almost anytime they want or the daughter wants to go over)
When Josie said that she, her husband & 2 children needed a place, Alyssa was quick to offer them a place to stay until they got back on their feet. (The house is a 3 bedroom with a finished walk-out basement) Here's where it gets amusing in our eyes. Josie, started going off on her, saying how Alyssa needs to move out & find somewhere else to live. That it was only right for Josie & her family to be the one that has her brother's house. She even said that Alyssa only had it because of him and now that he's gone, there's no reason for her to be still living there.
Josie even went as far as saying James would be rolling in his grave Knowing there's "lesbian lovers" living in his house. (I wasn't living there but was there quite a bit to help out) That it was wrong because she (Alyssa) was cheating on James even before he died with me & Josie didn't know why he even stuck with her. Which surprised us both to hear her say cause she always appeared that she liked us both. After they argued more Alyssa tried multiple times to get her to leave but of course Josie said she wasn't going to until "the house was given to her like it should have been all along." Alyssa eventually called Josie's parents & had asked them to come remove their daughter from the house & if they couldn't she'd be forced to get the authorities involved. Thankfully they did but unfortunately over the next month Josie showed up & tried multiple times arguing with Alyssa more over who should be living in the house until her parents threatened to take her out of the will.

I'll start with some background information. I've known this guy since we were 7 and 8, met and grew up together in an Adventist church. He liked me when we were younger, obviously we never dated or anything. Just liked me from a distance lol. His mother sees me pretty much as one of her children, we're very close. His family moved to go to an adventist academy (he's a triplet) when he was 14, I was 13. Haven't seen him in person since. I keep in touch with the family though. My mother would be okay with us dating at seventeen or eighteen (next year?), and marrying relatively young (early 20s) if it were God's will. I agree with this. (Dating not in the worldly sense at all). His mother has made many comments on how young marriage is not good, and how she doesn't see him getting married until his thirties because of how focused on doing God's will he is, and mission work. She means well. I would never want to upset her, but I don't want to wait until I'm 30 to marry him, if he is the one. This isn't exactly a current issue, any opinions though?

This is more directed to women I suppose but feel free to share your thoughts otherwise.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be in our 40s or approaching 40 as single and childless in Singapore. It's a topic that doesn't seem to come up often enough, so I wanted to hear from you all.
For those of us in this age group, how do you feel about not being married and childless? In Singapore, there's this strong expectation to settle down and start a family by a certain age. But life isn't always so straightforward I guess, too many curveballs.
I always thought I'd have a future with someone special by now. But things didn't turn out as planned. Had my share of relationships, and honestly, most of them didn't end well. I think I have a very people-pleasing trait that attracts a lot of energy vampires and narcissists and I tend to ignore red flags. However, I've learned a lot from those experiences and can see things more clearly now. Now, I'm feeling pretty jaded about the whole dating thing imho
On top of that, I'm of Indian and Eurasian ancestry, and our communities here are quite small. This makes the peer pressure even more intense. It feels like everyone knows everyone else's business, and there's this unspoken expectation to hit certain life milestones. While I'm not really feeling FOMO, it's tough being surrounded by people who think that getting married and having kids is the epitome of success.
I've noticed that some of my friends who are single and childless seem to be leading very mundane, Groundhog Day sort of lives. It feels like they're just going through the motions, perhaps to avoid thinking about what they might be missing.
Another thing that scares me is the number of divorces happening around people in this age group. And this is very hard to say, but while I was dating in the last few years, I came across so many married men on these sites in their 30s and 40s. Even friends who are married with kids behave like they're single. It makes me feel like they aren't fulfilled in their marriages and are looking for something else or just variety. I don't know, but it scares me a lot.
So, how do you deal with these societal expectations? Have you found fulfillment in other parts of your life? How do you balance personal happiness with all the external pressures?
Would love to hear your wisdom and experiences. Let's support each other and share some advice!

Hey reddit bit of a weird/sad one for ya today. Just a throwaway account and I might end up deleting all this within the week.
Sorry if I get ramble-y and all over the place I'm just shooting off my stream of consciousness. Sorry for the trauma/info dump and any grammaspelling errors.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and we've just started getting more touchy and intimate over the past month or so.We've talked a bit about intimacy the past few months but I have a few personal issues with it.When I dated my ex of 4 years he was pretty pushy about sexual stuff cause we were in a long distance relationship and he was just a touchy physical guy in general, and I've been a good little church girl all my life with no experience.
We did a lot of stuff I probably wasn't ready for. When we first met in person we just went right to making out and oral but no intercourse. This was consensual but looking back I was probably too shy to say no...I haven't been in the best mind space anyway the past few months I guess and haven't been turned on by anything me and my partner have done. I feel more romantic attraction than sexual, but lately there has been a lack of emotion on my side of things. I don't feel anything when we kiss, i just feel like im there, kissing him. As sad as that is to say. It hurts writing that out because i desperately want to feel something, anything. When I'm alone I have no problem getting myself off, I probably prefer it. I like the fantasy of it more than the physicalness. But I just shut down when I get with a partner.
I have a lot of brain blocks from religion (the classic repressed church girl saving herself for marriage blah) I'm still a virgin. I highly doubt I'm ever going to have sex with him honestly... it's not even a marriage thing, at this point I don't care if I get married or not. I'm not sure if I trust anyone enough with my body to feel good or get over the mental barrier that keep me from enjoying sexual things with a partner.
Which brings me to two questions.
Am I some kind of asexual?
Or just low-key traumatized from past pushy experiences?
Or both? (probably :/ )
Well... I mean I definitely don't feel asexual... I believe I have a fearful avoidant/disorganized attachment style. (Self diagnosed)
Fast forward to now with my current boyfriend, he's very kind, sweet and all around gentlemen. He makes me feel safe and happy. I haven't told him much about my ex cause I just want to leave the past in the past.
But I guess over this past month I've just been like low-key triggered when he asks me to touch him?Which brings me to tonight. We were making out for a while and he asks me to touch him and I just can't get into it. I didn't want to say no to him and ruin the mood, I want him to be happy.
Now that im thinking about it I'm started to repeat some of the behaviour I did with my ex... but im more aware of what im doing now... I am a people pleaser, but it's also just a hand job right? Big whoop. The first time I did it I felt a little grossed out when he finished... and the same thing happened tonight when he finished but I felt disgusted and almost gagged by the feeling and texture of it all... I cant get into it mentally. But hey he thanked me and was satisfied right?
No he hasn't asked to make me feel good or anything, I wouldn't ask that of him because it's too embarrassing and I don't think I could get into it... I don't understand why I would be so disgusted enough to hold back and almost gag.
I don't have a strong gag reflex, I had a dog before and never minded picking up after him or cleaning up my baby cousins vomit.
So am I just doomed and ruined to never enjoy sexual stuff reddit? I want to make my partner happy but it shouldn't come of the cost of me feeling the need to push past what I think and feel and need in that moment.
I said yes to a lot of things in the past with my ex because that's what girlfriends do yadda yadda and I'm gonna have to deal with this real soon and have a talk with my boyfriend about why this is a problem for me...
I uh realize this is probably a good talk to have with a therapist about "sexual trauma" and "repression/suppression" and all that fun stuff but that's not really an option at the moment, so I turn to you reddit experts for advice haha. (Yes I realize yall aren't trained professionals but the only people i can turn to atm)
I probably know the answers to what yall are gonna say but any advice would be cool I guess. I can reply to comments below and might update and edit within the week

I'm 29M financially secure, gym enthusiast, dress well (IMO) and relatively social. Being Korean, I'm afraid I look around 5-10 years younger than I am which doesn't help in the dating department. Based on the reception I receive going out, I usually receive flirtatious vibes from younger women in their 20s but really only interested in mature women in her 30s/40s. Looking for some tips on where to stumble upon you! I chatted up the most gorgeous brunette in her 30s last night at the bars to only find she was married with 2 kids when asking for her number (maybe she forgot her ring or lied). At this point, I've accepted that most attractive older women are taken but still willing to get rejected 1000 times for the chance. Let this be a summer of rejection! If I catch you at Trader Joe's, would you entertain a question about whether a certain ingredient would go well with a dish?
Here are some activities that I'd legitimately pursue with or without women -

• Yoga classes
• Salsa dancing classes
• Farmer's market every week

I (M25) have been dating my bi boyfriend (m22) for about 6 months and for background in the past he had a female bestfriend who was into him and pressured him into kissing her which he later apologized and confessed to me about. Now flash forward to today, him and my best friend who is a girl (and has a bf she hates) get along well and always make jokes of getting married and things of that sort. I know for a fact he's not her type physically and he himself thinks he may be fully gay, but I know that she is exactly his type and has a history of making poor romantic/sexual choices (especially with her current boyfriend) Right now I'm on vacation and they had a sleepover, which they told me about in advance but didn't really ask if I was okay with it. To be honest I'm 99% sure nothing would ever happen with them especially because of both of their loyalty to me but I'm someone who gets anxious very easily so that 1% is really freaking me out. Would I be justified to tell them I don't feel comfortable with how close they've gotten, which one of them should I tell and how do I say it????

Tier List: https://imgur.com/a/SPm0Fjl
This one hits different. Right from the start, with those ominous vocals giving the whole thing a feeling of foreboding and momentousness. Donald Trump lurking around the stage for his titlecard, even staying onscreen as his titlecard goes away is hilarious and a great visual touch. Then we get Hillary sitting in her debate chair; this battle committing so hard to a location both rappers are present in is pretty unique.
"I've been in this game too long; I'm a public servant! Have been since I met MLK in person!" Serviceable opening on paper, but the guest actor, Kimmy Gatewood, makes it stick out with her performance. Love the intensity of her voice and facial expressions. "I'm a woman of the people; that's for certain. You're a man of the people who don't like turbans!" This is a great line, very accurate, and I love the look on Hillary's face. "I was living in the West Wing while you were professional wrestling. Got skin like Russian dressing from too much Russian investing!" Good lines, in particular I really dig the Russian dressing/Russian investing parallel. Also, while I don't think Kimmy bears a super strong resemblance to Hillary Clinton(the guest actress from Clinton v. Henry VIII was much more on-point) she does look a lot like her as she does the Russian dance in the background. Something about her wide-open smile. "You been going bankrupt since the 90s; if I was in Iran you couldn't find me." Very true on both counts, very solid line. I don't know what more there is to say. Is it gonna be controversial to acknowledge the reality that Trump's gone bankrupt lots of times and probably couldn't point to Iran on a map, even now that he's been president? "You don't care about the job, Trump, you just think the desk is shiny." I think it's accurate that Trump really only cares about the prestige, but this still seems like a pretty weak attack. Hell, you could argue the vast majority of presidential candidates care more about the prestige than actually doing anything. "I said that I respect your children but that wasn't quite right, yo! Looking like some extras on American Psycho!" This line is pretty fucking great. I didn't get it when this battle first released, but I've seen American Psycho more recently, and comparing the Trump kids to the useless trust fund posers surrounding Patrick Bateman is hilarious. The hyper-aggressive hip thrusting Hillary's doing is also a great visual. For the most part this portrayal doesn't resemble Hillary much, but I think there's some truth in how she's portrayed as being very try-hard here. "First name is Hillary, middle name Rodham, last name is Clinton, and lyrics I got 'em! You fire celebrities on The Apprentice, motha fucka I fire Bin Laden! (Crack!) cough" Being tryhard again. The lines are pretty good, the flow is pretty good. The reference to her coughing is a fun touch. "How do I say this? You're racist! Ooh, you must get so pissed that your hands are too small to stop and frisk!" The asking/answering of that question at the beginning is really funny, and I like the way they worked Trump's small hands into this attack on him for being racist. "So you use your fingers to touch chicks. (She's only 12 years old.) That's enough, shit! (But she's married, sir.) Just gotta get pushy. (That's your daughter.) Well, grab her by the pussy!" One of the highlights of the battle, love the way they worked in the secret service agent here. Pointing out Trump being a creep at child beauty pageants and towards Ivanka are great lines of attack. "That's assault, brotha! Don't tell me the victim's at fault, sucka! You don't know shit about steaks! Yucka! But the ones on the 8th are great! Motha fucka!" Really fun delivery, good attacks, I like that they threw the Trump Steaks jab in between the more serious sentiments. I don't know what the fuck is going on with the background in this section, though they're really going hard on the tryhardness of Hillary. "Better save the date; I'm gonna rock the vote! Bad bitch on the scene like Murder, She Wrote!" Hillary trying to compare herself to that character is pretty cringe, as is highlighted by her attempting to dab with the biggest "look, aren't I cool, kids?!" look on her face. Real "Pokemon Go to the polls" moment. "So go ahead, Donald, let me see you flow. I brought Michelle's speech; borrow some quotes!" It's a pretty great line, though this line is moreso an attack at Melania than Trump himself; she should have ended with a more Trump-focused attack.
"Let me just say I respect all females. But your rhymes are trash; put 'em next to your emails." The first line is funny in how flagrantly untrue it is, the second line is just plain funny. Good opener. "Our country's in crisis. Who wants to vote for the mother of ISIS? That might not be exactly true, but I don't do politeness." Trump talks out of his ass and lies a lot, yes. "(Believe me!) You wanna talk about misogyny? Your Bill's worse than Cosby! He left a mess on that dress like you left in Benghazi!" The comparison of the rapist Bills is a great line, and I'm not sure whether the whole Benghazi thing was actually something that was Hillary's fault or just a Fox News talking head talking point, but it's a good line regardless. Also by this point it's clear that Lloid's Trump impression is on-point, much better than Peter's. "(Terrible!) You wanna break the glass ceiling, Hillary, I sense it. But the only crack you'll find is my ass pressed against it." The gesturing Lloid is doing during the "I sense it" line is fucking hilarious. The second line is also pretty funny, and did turn out to be true. "The numbers are in and I'm right on your tail. You don't have the stamina, baby, you're frail! This will be just like '08 when you fail! But Trump will appoint you to jail!" Fun parallel to Hillary's "First name is Hillary" segment from before going on here. The lines themselves are fine, nothing amazing. The second-to-last one turned out to be true, the last one did not. "How do I say this? You're a 2. And you almost lost the primary to a socialist Jew!" It's pretty funny how Trump mimics Hillary's "How do I say this?" bit, and "you're a 2" is such a simple but funny jab. He's got a point that Hillary was so weak a candidate that Bernie Sanders came outta nowhere and was able to put up a serious competition in a race that was supposed to have no real competition for her. "What do the American people gotta yankee doodle doo, to get it through your fat face, that they're just not that into you?!" The use of 'yankee doodle doo' is funny and he's got a real point that Hillary needs to accept she's very unpopular, though that 'fat face' line is such a pot calling the kettle black moment. No doubt intended as such. "They want a strong male leader who can stand up to China! Not a crooked, little, wishy-washy bleeding heart vagina!" These lines, of course, exist purely to point out that Trump is a giant sexist. The "China, China, China... bloody vagina!" in the background is a very funny touch. Little bits like that just add so much to this battle. "I'm gonna run these streets like I run my casinos; more police and less Latinos!" These lines, of course, exist purely to point out that Trump is a giant racist. "While you bury us in debt buying poor people socks, I'll create jobs, tearing down mosques!" Trump is against programs that help the impoverished and hates Muslims. "Then I'll use all the best rocks from the site to build a wall, dip it in gold and make Mexico pay for it all!" The thing Lloid does with his eyes as he smiles when he says "build a wall" is just... SO Trumpian. This really is one of the greatest Trump impressions I've ever seen, Lloid did an amazing job. As for the line... Trump says he's gonna build a wall. He built a partial wall. A partial, really unimpressive wall. "I'll make this country great again! We'll all be living large! And I'll tell Congress you're fired, and put Charles in charge!" Trump's slogan is MAGA and Charles in Charge was a TV show whose main actor is a Trump supporter. Also apparently there was a Supreme Court judge named Charles Trump once wanted nominated. Alright. "'Cause this whole system's rigged! And we all know the riggers! For the last eight years this country's been run by- (CAW!)" The point of this line is that Trump is a giant racist. I like the touch that the crowd is cheering wildly for Trump while Hillary looks disturbed in the background.
Then Lincoln comes soaring in on an eagle, as he did in Obama v. Romney. "Are you fucking kidding me with this blah blah blah? I've half a mind to feed you both to my oversized - (CAW!)" The use of 'CAW!' as a censor is amusing. "I've heard more thoughtful discussion up in TMZ! You two got brother blocking brother on their Facebook feed!" This isn't fun anymore, it's just real. "I'm so sick and tired of this ridiculous shit! If this is the best my party gets, then my party should quit!" The Republican Party is a nightmare and Lincoln would be ashamed of it today, is what is being said. "I'm sorry, did I say something that you found funny? Wipe that creepy-ass smile off your face and beat this dummy!" Clinton is a shitty politician who didn't take Trump seriously enough, and she comes across as cold and inhuman. And in case you somehow failed to pick up on it before, ERB makes clear here their endorsement for which candidate to vote for. "And if she does win the White House, be a man and hold the door. Don't get your fans stirred up in some sorta Twitter civil war!" Too real, especially after January 6th. "Here's an equal opportunity smack down in the sequel! That's of the people, by the people, for the people, eagle!" Some people have debated whether Lincoln slapped Trump twice in place of slapping Clinton at all because he's a gentleman and wouldn't hit a woman, or because ERB favors Clinton over Trump. The latter is definitely true, but the former is also probably true. So... both! Then Lincoln yells "Eagle!" and fucks off.
Let's talk about bias. There's two camps of people I've seen in discussions about certain ERB battles, especially this one, and they both irk me. So let's address both of them.
First off: YES, ERB is biased against Trump. And are biased against Republicans generally, and much more sympathetic to the Democrats. They've made that completely obvious from the beginning. And you know what? That's totally fine! They're right to be biased against them! But for some reason, some people in the fanbase can't just admit that. For some reason, there's a lot of people in the fanbase who will bend over backwards trying to explain how it's actually totally unbiased(false) and they attack both sides equally(false) and people complaining are being salty(true). But if you think ERB is unbiased, then society has failed you, because you are a woeful media illiterate. They're screaming Vote for Hillary, Don't Let Trump Win! at you and somehow you haven't managed to decipher what they're saying. I hope for your sake you're, like, twelve years old if you actually think they're unbiased. Here's an important lesson for you to learn as you grow up: 'biased' does not equate to 'bad'! For example, you SHOULD be 'biased' against Hitler! If you look at someone like Hitler and compare him to someone like MLK and treat them as equally valid figures whose ideas are both worthy of consideration, then you're at best a useful idiot and at worst a Nazi apologist! Stop feeling like you have to defend ERB's honor by feverishly denying any claims of bias!
But even worse than those jokers are the fuckers who love to bitch about how ERB has gotten "too political" or "too woke" nowadays. NEWSFLASH, DUMBASS: the very FIRST battle was John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly, and Bill O'Reilly literally says "Because I'm evil! Heart blacker than Don Cheadle!" Their very foundation as a series is shitting on Republicans! They didn't suddenly 'go woke' just because they stopped doing gay jokes and shat on Trump even more explicitly than they already did to Romney.
Anyway, I've got mixed feelings about this battle. The 'mixed' part of those feelings come from how heavy it is; I have to be in a certain mood to want to listen to this, and most times I see this pop up in my playlist I just skip on to the next one. It's uncomfortable. It's real. Maybe a little too real. But then again, maybe they were right to take it so seriously. It's still a great battle, even if it can be a little hard to come back to. The only big issue I have with it is that Lincoln coming in at the end is kind of a drag. It was funny the first time; this doesn't recapture the magic. He doesn't really have any great lines either. I tend to stop listening by the time he comes in. But besides that, this battle has an amazing instrumental track, great visuals, peak performances from both Lloid and Kimmy, and good, sometimes great, writing.
I used to think Trump won this battle despite always having been anti-Trump. Revisiting it now, I'm not sure why I thought that. Maybe it was because his part was just so entertaining, even moreso than Hillary's. Maybe it's because I, like many others, harbor a strong resentment and bitterness towards Hillary Clinton(muh Bernie) that would lead me to not be entirely honest about her performance here. Maybe it's just because that hardly anybody said Clinton won back in the day; Trump had either a majority or a clear plural majority of votes in polls, then Lincoln with a fair amount, then Clinton with a small fraction. Now I see that that is utter bullshit. The only reason anybody votes for Lincoln is either because of the Last Word Effect or because they want to be centrists about it and not side with either candidate; even if you could argue he was the best part of Obama v. Romney, here his verse falls well short of both Clinton and Trump's. On the question of Clinton v. Trump... I can kind of see how someone might think Trump won on account of how hilarious he was, but a ton of his stuff just makes himself look bad, and if we're being honest I think Clinton had better burns and more substantive lines of attack. I say Clinton>Trump>Lincoln.
inb4 someone says I got "too political" in my presidential election battle analysis

I’m getting married in Sept and I have come to the conclusion I don’t want a bachelorette. Originally, I was thinking to do a spa day. My future MIL (who is very helpful and kind) had expressed to my MOH (sister 10 years older than myself) wanting to include her sisters and nieces (my fiancées aunts and cousins who I know fairly well) to come to the bach as well. My MOH has been asking me about guest list, dates I’m avail, etc about the the bachelorette but nothing set in stone yet. I’ve just started a new job and am stressed with that as well as already telling my new managers I need numerous days off for the multiple weddings I’m attending this summer as well as my own & honeymoon in sept. I’m also introverted and do not like being the center of attention, especially when alcohol is involved. I’ve come to the conclusion I do NOT want a bachelorette. I’d rather do small things with the people I love separately. To me, i wouldn’t be able to ‘let loose’ and fully enjoy what a bachelorette would be in a big group setting with my fiancées family, my two local friends, maybe my friends from out of state, and my immediate & extended family. I felt like this would get too out of control. I also feel like since I am having a bridal shower, that should serve the purpose of celebrating with family. I have my out of state friends coming for the bridal shower and was thinking of spending time with them after to break up their travel and spend time with them.
Upon telling my MOH this, she was very offended and upset that she was not able to celebrate with me and I believe took the idea of me spending time with my out of state friends after the shower as me planning my own bachelorette. The time I’m thinking of spending with out of state friends (that hasn’t been solidified yet) would basically be a big sleepover with some friends I haven’t seen for years. Having that be perceived as a planned bachelorette was not my intention and after explanation of my thought process, there’s still animosity. I truly think the whole situation was blown out of proportion and more communication is needed. However, I feel like I’m being punished for not conforming to peoples perceptions & to suck it up to make other people happy. Which I can do, but I’m also feeling strongly about this in particular since this is all surrounded regarding MY wedding and that it should be about my wishes. However, I don’t want to be a bridezilla. Am I in the wrong here? I’m just struggling with the hurtful words being exchanged regarding my idea of not wanting a bachelorette.

I'm 29M financially secure, gym enthusiast, dress well (IMO) and relatively social. Being Korean, I'm afraid I look around 5-10 years younger than I am which doesn't help in the dating department. Based on the reception I receive going out, I usually receive flirtatious vibes from younger women in their 20s but really only interested in mature women in her 30s/40s. Looking for some tips on where to find you! I chatted up the most gorgeous brunette in her 30s last night at the bars to only find she was married with 2 kids when asking for her number (maybe she forgot her ring or lied). At this point, I've accepted that most attractive older women are taken but still willing to get rejected 1000 times for the chance. Let this be a summer of rejection!
Here are my current ideas to cross paths -

• Yoga classes
• Salsa dancing classes
• Farmer's market every week
• Trader Joes, Target

My ex and I have been living together and dating for roughly 5 years of time. We met at a university we both attended where we were getting the same degree, and I thought we were deeply in love. We never argued, had the same views and goals for the future, and the 2-3 problems we did develop were communicated and improved in healthy ways. It was a loving relationship that our friends could only hope to have. He had even custom made me a promise ring that I wore every day and never took off. I was a part of his family gatherings in Maine (where he was from), and he was involved with my family back in Michigan as well. We lived together for years, and I had hoped that we would get married after we graduated, like we had talked about. We were living like we were, anyway, so I was under the impression it would be a welcome next step.
A year after we both graduated, he ended up getting a job across the country (Michigan New Mexico). He would have a pretty large salary increase, would be doing things he enjoyed in the workplace, and be closer to his hobbies and a few friends that he had at our university that were older. I would have to move to a state I've never been, away from all of my friends and family, with no personal plan in place (I did not have a job lined up there like he did). However, he told me I could focus on healing from past trauma I couldn't process while I was focused on school, and work on getting my streaming and music career off of the ground, which is something I would've rather done with my life. I had plenty of contacts to realistically attempt something like that. And if it wasn't working, I could always try to get a job where he did. He would cover the rent of the condo we lived at, but I'd still pay all of my own personal bills (food, insurance, phone, etc.). Weighing the pros and cons, and how I believed our relationship to be/where it was headed, I agreed. We went 50/50 on furniture we would need while we were still in Michigan, because the company paid to move our stuff. The moving company damaged some things of mine that were irreplaceable, and I wanted him to deal with the moving company about it, but he never did. When we got there, I unpacked pretty much everything that was moved for the both of us, set up and organized the house, and did all of the cooking, paperwork, and chores I could so my ex could focus on getting settled in his new job. I put together lists of what we still needed, and continued to buy things for the condo 50/50, even when I was running off of low hustle income and savings. I even sold things that meant a lot to me so I'd be able to deal with all of the moving logistics and support myself when my work was "unpacking and settling".
Right before I finished my stream setup, and I was ready to start grinding on my own career, I had stumbled upon evidence of him cheating when I needed to use his computer. I have documented evidence that he has been paying sex workers for various things for the past 2 years, well before this job and move was in the picture. I didn't have access to his socials or accounts to know the full extent of what he had done, but what I had found was more than enough. When I confronted him, he didn't deny it either. I was distraught and depressed. I cut again for the first time in years. I felt lied to, betrayed, suicidal, and alone. I felt unsafe being alone in the condo, so I went to his friend's house after finding out. I told them what was wrong and they were in total disbelief until I showed them the evidence, it was extremely out of character for him. I lost 10 pounds in 2 days. The day of finding out what he did, I had already bought plane tickets back to Michigan for studio work, and couldn't change it. We agreed to take some space to figure out next steps, so I took that flight back to Michigan with two suitcases of my things, not knowing what was happening. I spent another few months unable to work, because my mental state was horrendous, and I didn't want to cash in any favors to get an engineering position when I didn't know where I was even going to be in a month's time. It seemed like we were going to try couple's therapy, because I really wanted to understand why he needed the external validation. I wanted to help him and figure out exactly what went wrong, because I didn't see any signs of this behavior. But we cut it off for good in December, when he had told me he's been seeing his ex. The breakup was slow and painful, and I was constantly living in a state of not knowing what was going on, and suffering mentally and financially for it. All of my plants that were there are now dead because he couldn't care for them, he still has my two cats, and I may have to sell my dream car in order to really afford starting over again. I can't even sell it as is since he didn't turn it on the entire time, so the battery and alternator are now dead too. It feels like my life was ripped out from under me in a blink of an eye, and I was the one being punished for it when I was the one who didn't do anything wrong.
My mom flew me out to Guam in December, knowing how much I was hurting and she wanted to get me away from it all. I was supposed to leave 2 months later in February, but here I am, still here 5 months later. Still essentially living off of two suitcases of my belongings. I am ready to move on with my life. I want my cats and my things back, and I want a fresh start. I have a few jobs lined up for me here to get back on my feet. I had to purchase a new wardrobe for the office, and a new car to get around.
All I asked for him to do was send my stuff back to Michigan, where it came from, so it could be stored at my dad's house until I could get it moved here to Guam. I felt like it was fair to ask, considering he lied to me and cheated on me for two years, when he easily could've just broken up with me before moving for his job. He made the conscious decision to drag me along and shift my whole life for him, when he had no plans to actually be with me. He bragged about the salary increase and I know what it is, I know he can afford to pay for my stuff to be moved out. I have been asking for updates constantly over the past few months, and he gives me spaced and vague answers. He is now saying he wants me to pay for half of it to be moved, which I think is unfair. This situation is entirely his fault, I'm already spending a lot of money starting my life over, and I was the only one unpacking things when we got there. He can pack up my things, and send it back to where it came from. He's also keeping everything we went 50/50 on as well, so I'm still losing even when he pays for the move. Our friends are on my side here, but he isn't cooperating or budging. I wanted to be civil, but he's being difficult to communicate with, and I am on the other side of the world now. Can I/Should I take him to court to pay for my move? Can I/Should I pursue suing him for the other aspects now that he is no longer being civil about this? Will being on Guam while he is in New Mexico complicate a lawsuit? I'm losing my mind at how I have had everything to lose, and he still doesn't have the decency to do what people around me seem to think is the right thing to do. Any advice and further questions to clarify the situation is appreciated.

He (32M) and I (30F) have been married for 10 years. 2 kids (elementary school age). This is not the first time I’ve asked to separate but it IS the first time I’ve been able to walk away knowing that I can support the kids and myself on my own. (We make just about even $$ — I make a little bit more but I’d say it’s comparable). I recently got preapproved to buy a house on my own because he has tanked his credit, apparently.
It’s been 10 years and we are absolutely unable to go out in public without him finding some reason to be upset with me. At home, things are surface level. We hang out and watch our show after the kids go to bed, but we don’t actually connect.
The straw that finally broke the camel’s back for me was last night, on a double date with another couple we are friends with. He had a lot to drink and kept accidentally pushing me into the people standing in front of us. I asked him numerous times to please stop (he has no recollection) and I eventually got annoyed after 4-5 times and walked away. He then got upset and caused a scene in front of hundreds of strangers for 60+ minutes, saying that I don’t love him and “all he wants is to be loved.” My friend’s husband and I had to beg him to get in the car because he was trying to walk the 1.5mi home. (This is not the first time something like this has happened. I’ve been 100% faithful and honest throughout our marriage, but any time we go out in public, he treats me like I’ve done something wrong and then blames me for that behaviotreatment.) It’s a mind F.
I feel like I’ve been almost manic recently, just trying to save this marriage — I got my IUD taken out because he asked, I just went* under contract on a house in his hometown (4.5hrs away from where we are now) because he said he wants to be closer to his family. Mine is 14hrs away.
I will be getting back on BC immediately — I have no clue what the hell I was thinking when I made that choice. Luckily we have not been intimate so there is no chance I could have gotten pregnant. He is not in a position to buy a house, so it was going to be just me making the purchase, including pulling from my 401K for the down payment. Tomorrow I will be going back to the realtolender with my tail between my legs and losing the earnest money I put down because everything in me is screaming not to go through with this.
So… all of that said, obviously therapy is necessary but in the meantime, WHY do I feel so guilty/scared? I know what I want and it’s not this. But I’m terrified that he’s going to try to take the kids or put ideas in their heads to make me seem like a bad mom. I guess I’m looking for reassurance or similar experiences b/c I feel really anxious and alone right now.
Editing to add: it’s probably also worth noting that he has acknowledged that he is insecure. (And again, that is somehow my fault). But aside from all of that, I just don’t care to try anymore, which is what sparked the request to separate today. I have no desire for counseling or “giving it another shot” — I just feel done. And I have no clue if something is wrong with me for feeling like that.

I (31F) have been married to my (32M) husband for 6 years, we have been together for 10. We seem to continuously have the same argument, he is not emotionally available for me and I am too "needy" and "sensitive" to him. I complain about this often, as I have felt neglected and unloved for a while now. We sometimes talk about things and then our lives get better until they decline again, this has been the same cycle for years now. I often try things to get him to open up and be more considerate not just for the sake of our relationship but for the world, he can be pretty mean and is definitely a hot head which creates issues with family and work. I purchased a deck of card that has relationship questions to deepen your connection with you sig oth and he reluctantly agreed to play with me, after 4 questions or so, he just gave short answers and at the end he just "couldn't think of anything", this really hurt my feelings as this was a question regarding how he felt about me now versus when we first started dating, I told him this upset me, and he shut down, i started crying and told him I didn't want to keep playing the game. This was a week ago or so. I just let it go and moved on. We did not talk about it. Last night, we had a bbq at a friend's house, at the end of the night everyone went home besides the host/her bf, me and my husband. We had been drinking a bit so she(the host) started thanking us for coming and telling us how happy she is we came over and how she loves us, my husband quickly started reciprocating the feelings saying he had a great night, he is so thankful for our friendship, etc, we all shared a drink and talked about the success of the evening.
Now, I feel so fucking upset over this, it was difficult to watch him express his emotions so clearly and easily to other people when I have been trying for years to get him to express his love for me in any way. I have felt disconnected from him so i have asked for some sort of confirmation of our love, a card, a recording, via text, anything really, and all I get is a shrug, or a "idk what to say", or "that feels like homework". I feel like this was my breaking point after years of trying, I have not spoken to him since last night. I am so drained I honestly don't even want to start an argument and he is an avoidant and is currently nursing a hangover.
I had considered couples counseling in the past so we can work on ways to communicate better since this is a skill I feel we both lack in. He's never been thrilled about it but said he would give it a try. After last night i dont know if my marriage is salvageable anymore. I now see he can be emotional and loving but just never towards me. Im here for an outsiders perspective, am i over reacting? I know im not perfect and have lots of issues im currently working on in therapy myself, but I'd like to feel like my home life is my safe space like it used to be. Thank you in advance.

For context, me (23) and my bf(30) who are co-workers have been together for a year and a half. I'm Indian and he's Arab. We love each other very much and though our styles of expression are different we respect each other and try to communicate. We have been each other's safe spaces from the moment we became friends until now.
However, the major challenge I'm facing is that his family does not know anything about me and he still has to hide our relationship with them. They are aware he has a girlfriend but does not know anything else as they will not be happy about him marrying outside his religion and country. On the other hand my parents have already met him and he even texts my mom to wish us on special occasions/holidays.
I'm trying to be understanding of these actions of his. I get that where he is from, dating is a taboo subject. And both of us being from different religions, nationalities and our age gap does not make things easier. When we agreed to start dating we acknowledged our differences and told each other we will take things day by day. But now that we've been together for a year and a half I'm starting to want more. More of his time, more acceptance and less hiding, and promise of a future together. I'm not someone who is very keen on marriage or having kids so all I just want is assurance that we'd both fight together for our future.
A few weeks ago I had asked him if his family found about us and told him to break up what would he do and he said he doesn't know. I was extremely hurt by this answer and tried to initiate a break up by asking if he wants to stop what we have and he said he definitely does not want to. And in an attempt to stop me from feeling as terrible as I did he said he will handle it when the time comes. His words offered a very short lived comfort and I'm back to square one of thinking he will not do anything for us, especially since he has made it clear on multiple occasions that his family comes first no matter what.
To make things even worse he's currently solely financially supporting his family of 9-10 members who all live with him. This has made it difficult for us to hangout out a lot often as we once did (mind you when we started dating this was not the case). And since he's living in a crowded house I have to be careful when I call him as he might have family near him who might find out about us. The fact that we're coworkers doesn't make it easier as it's not like we can be affectionate in the office.
Due to these circumstances I now feel wedged in between wanting more of him but feeling like I am an inconvenience to his life. He assures i am not and asks me to stop overthinking thinggs but that is difficult for me. I understand that these life circumstances are harder on him than me and he is definitely suffering. But it is also my first relationship. I've reached a point where I find myself crying every other week worried about our future because I can't and don't want to let go of him. It's not easy to find people who you connect with and can be your safe space. Even if I do find the courage to break up I don't even want to think about the bout of depression and loneliness that would await.
Please advise me on my situation as I feel completely lost and stuck with these issues in my relationship
TL;DR: as my bf and I from different cultures and nationalities are almost approaching the 2 year mark I want more from him such as not hiding me from his family and his time. But due to cultural differences and his financial situation he's unable to do the same for me. Please advise

It’s been way over 20 years in my high school sweetheart still reaches out to me over the years through different forms of social media. I wasn’t her 1st, but she was my first and we even went to college together and live together for a short time. I survived a horrific car wreck and she joined a sorority and started to disregard me acting like I was holding her back from experiencing life. Broke up with her when she went on a date with some other guy from high school on valentines days while were in college behind my back. Her family still talks to me when we run into each other here and there and they always tell me that she could’ve done better than what she has now. She’s married with two kids, and she tried recently reaching out to me again on Facebook, but I did not respond. I’ve never responded to any of her request to talk. She was cheating on me and was not very supportive during my recovery from a car wreck. A drunk driver ran me off a cliff and I survived. She Used to be really hot back then size 0 pants and G string wearing hot chick. She now looks like a blimp and her shirts look like a blanket covering her neck. it looks like she’s doing well on her career but from what her family says she’s not happy in her marriage. So why after almost 20 years does she still try her best every so often to communicate with me? I feel like I have the right to not speak to her because I feel like the past is the past and even though I’m not married and I haven’t found the right person yet I’m still on my quest to find the person that’s truly going to treasure me.

Like the title says. I've noticed a trend of some 1st gens/2nd gens going back home because they already have a network to introduce them to HQ matches.

I have been married to my husband for 3 months and I am NOT HAPPY. We have been dating for 7 years, lived together for 4 years and it was the happiest part of our relationship. Everything was smooth until we got married. For context, we're both South Asians, I am a big city girl and he's from a small village and our families follow separate religions. We wanted to get married here in Canada but had to go back home to get married because of the family pressure. Our families wanted us to marry in a traditional way so we agreed. We were suppose to get married following his family's religion rituals at first and both of our families agreed however we decided to change that and get married in my familiy's religion as the rituals were easier. My family agreed however his family created a huge issue over this and argued with my husband for couple of days stating that this will bring shame to the family and people will laugh at them.The situation was so stressful that I asked my husband to just put the wedding on hold. He somehow got his parents to agree. Since then, his family started hating me saying that I brainwashed him and that I want everything done my way. Once we got married, everything went downhill. They started showing how much they really hate me and telling me how I am not fulfilling my duties as DIL. Fast forward, now I only talk to them once a week on my husband's presence. My husband and I have been going through a really tough time in our marriage because of all the drama with my monster in-laws. It's been tearing us apart, and we're both feeling really upset about everything that's happened and continues to happen. Open to any suggestions or comments.

Hi everyone,
I'm a 22-year-old male who recently went through a breakup with my girlfriend of 3 years. She’s a year younger than me, and we graduated together. We broke up two months ago, and I’m feeling really conflicted about it.
Our relationship had become toxic, with frequent fights and both of us struggling with our own issues. I felt that we needed to address our personal problems separately. We were planning to study abroad and live together, with dreams of getting married and starting a family abroad. However, I worried that if we didn’t break up then, we’d end up trapped in an unhealthy relationship.
For the past two months, I’ve been seeing a psychologist weekly, and it’s been incredibly helpful. I’ve realized that I might have contributed to many of the issues in our relationship. It’s hard to separate what was my fault and what she needs to work on herself.
She was a wonderful person—gentle, empathetic, and truly loving. However, I was bothered by her lack of ambition, which I didn’t find attractive. My psychologist helped me see that I probably imposed my worldview on her. I expected her to follow a similar path to mine (good grades, internships, etc.), which I now realize was wrong. My well-intentioned advice likely made her feel constantly judged, affecting her self-confidence, which later became another issue in our relationship.
Reflecting on the relationship, I’ve come to understand that I took many things for granted. I could have been a better boyfriend by showing more interest in her passions and being more romantic. I can’t stop thinking that if I hadn’t imposed my ideas of success on her and had been more supportive, she might have had more self-confidence and become more ambitious by herself.
However, she did have self-confidence issues before we met, due to a toxic family environment. When we broke up, I tried to do it respectfully, explaining my reasons and ending on good terms. I asked for no contact, which she mostly respected (except for one message wishing me good luck with something important I had to do). She asked if we could set a date to possibly try again, but I said I didn’t want to make any promises because of the uncertainty and potential for more hurt.
I’ve been wanting to reach out to her to see how she’s been, but I don’t want to hurt her again. I’m still learning a lot about myself and trying to change my utilitarian view of the world, shaped by my life experiences.
We’ll both be starting the same studies abroad in a few months, so we’ll see each other again.
I don't know if this is relevant at all, but for some context, I believe in having a deep connection before any physical relationship, so I’m not interested in dating anyone else right now.
I’m conflicted because I now see her in a new light and realize I wasn’t the best boyfriend. But I’m also unsure if this newfound perspective is genuine personal growth facilitated by my sessions with the psychologist, or if it’s just regret and idealization. Additionally, I’m afraid that if we were to try again, she may not have addressed her personal issues yet.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I balance these feelings, especially considering she has her own issues to work through?
Thanks for reading, and I appreciate any advice you can offer.

I broke up with an ex due to big age gap (18 years) and also I somehow had trust issues because he was a cheater in the past. We lived together in a foreign country and after the break up both went to our country. Immediately after our break up he was in a new relationship. He still tried to stay in touch with me but my ego was kind of too proud so I tried to not be in touch with him. He told me when we broke up that if I wanted him back in a few months he would dump the other woman. I know, sounds horrible. I was so naive back than I laughed it off - after i saw them together on instagram a month after our break up I understood what he meant with "dump the other woman".
Fast forward 4 years. They are married now. I have been single since and tried to date many guys but just never felt that connection with someone again. I think I didnt understand back then what "special" connection we had. However, rationally I dont regret the decision to break up because how fast he "replaced" me. I know that is not the kind of character or person I want to be with. Yes, I broke up with him but the way he went on afterwards showing off his new relationship on social media etc kind of disgusted me.
However, once in a while I stalk him. There is a tool you can check someones insta stories secretly without them seeing. I know this is bad but I kind of check up on them once in a while and I wouldnt say I get very sad but kind of disregulated. When I heard about their engagement 3 years into the relationship through a friend I was soso overwhelmed i couldnt breath. I feel like some part of me is still not over the relationship. We traveled the world together and had a deep bond but I just always doubted the age gap and trust. Sometimes i wonder what life would look like if i hadnt broken up and we had built a life together. Would i be happier? It is easy to doubt your path when you arent happy where you are.
I dont know why i check on him still. If he came back tomorrow I wouldnt want him back because of the way he treated me after break up. I know i also messed up and had to grow as a person in the meantime. He was also taking care of me alot so the past years i had to rebuild myself which i did well but it has also been exhausting.
I just wish i didnt have the urge or neeed to know what he is upto. Does anyone have ideas on what to do? I did go to therapy and i think what keeps me in the past is the life we had together I miss. Someone to be there for me.. i have traveled myself alot since the break up and often miss having someone to share it with. I do meet men but i think somehow i am bitter or regretful of the past....
Any advice?

Anyone else struggling with dating scene and finding a match within Canada as an Indian person?
I'm 35M born and raised in Canada in a Sikh family. I am an introvert and don't really go out much. I like living simple and quiet life. I don't speak Punjabi or Hindi but can only speak English. I work as a dentist in a small city in BC, Canada. I have my own house and about to buy my own dental practice business. However, I am struggling with dating and finding the right match.
I also wear a hearing-aid in one ear since I was a child with deafness in my other ear. I definitely feel the hearing aid/partial deafness is the biggest hindrance in finding women and potential partners especially within the Indian community. The dates I've had in the past, some of the questions I get are "Have I ever had genetic testing done?" or if I have relatives with a similar hearing issue. Or if I was born with it or had it through trauma/accident. I believe I had it via congenital means (in utero) and not necessarily genetics. I don't know of any of my relatives with hearing issues.
There was one date in particular, it almost felt like an interrogation. She asked if I had speech issues as a child, and if I was bullied as a child because of my hearing (I never was). She asked me if I had any genetic testing done, lol. She asked if I had a hard time talking without hearing aid on. And if someone were to write a word on a piece of paper, would I have a hard time saying the word without my hearing aid on? Just weird questions like that. I became a dentist, so it's not like I am dumb or can't understand spoken words. Wtf...
I've had women ghost me once they find out about the hearing aid. It's sad and depressing. I don't get why it's such a big deal. Nobody says anything about people who wear glasses.
But not all the women had issue with the hearing aid. Sometimes they accepted it but it didn't work out due to personality conflicts (extrovert vs introvert) or location conflicts (some women prefer big cities over small cities). I can't exactly move because of my dental practice I am about to buy. I'm limited to staying here in small city which I was born and raised in.
I've been on dating apps like Shaadi, Bumble, Hinge, Dil Mil, etc. It is so demoralizing. People frequently ghost and/or flake even when I don't mention about my hearing impairment. Too many people on there play silly, childish games. But it's good to know that other people also struggle with dating apps and it's not just me.
Mother is pressuring me to go to India to get married. My father doesn't really agree with my mom. I think it's a very bad idea. I can't relate to anyone in India because I grew up in a western setting. Also, it's been my experience dating Indian women from India that there was always a disconnect. They commented the accent was different and they couldn't relate to me. Also, the girl may not want a forced marriage ( I don't either). Personally, I think it's a huge risk to get an arranged marriage especially as a dentist. My fear is a divorce and losing half my assets. Also, the woman would just want me for my citizenship and that's it. I told mom repeatedly I want to find an Indian woman who was raised in Canada here. My dad agrees with me.
Also, it's been my experience on Shaadi.com that many women and their families take issue with the hearing aid and completely ignore me once they find out. I almost feel like Indian people are actually more strict about it than western folks.
I am content in being alone as I am naturally introverted anyway. But there are times I do wish a companion. However, I do believe it is always better to be alone than be with the wrong person who will drive you miserable or who you cannot relate to. Too many stories about people who feel "trapped" or "settled" in their marriage and I don't want to end up like that. I'd rather stay alone yet I want to be with the right person.
Anyway, I know it's a long rant but just thought I reveal my emotions and how I feel about all this. Any advice to navigate through all this? It is depressing seeing younger relatives getting married and starting families while I am reaching nowhere.

Hi I need some feed back from the community.
I had a crush on girl back in H.S. 1992-1996 we have friends in common. She tried many times talking to me but I was shy to talk her because I really like her. We live in the same area and used to play handball with same people. She tried to say hi which I successfully did say hi sometimes. One time I was with my father a clothing store were she waiving at me but not until was told my father to say hi. I think she like me back then, but was shy to talk to her. She left with her family to Florida in 1995 but she came to NYC and used to see her sometimes she would smile but again I was timid. 1996 I heard she had become a mom. I was sad but I thought I had to move on. After I finish college in 2000 I joined the Navy in 2000-2004 during that time I became extrovert dated some girl, then I got married but lasted two years. I always thought about the crush I had in H.S. When through hardship and the only person that brought me comfort my crush. I then finish my time in the Navy in 2004 quickly join the Army in 2004-2008. I met second wife which at point she was pregnant with my son. At that time we were not married. Also, in the Army when through some hardship my only comfort was my crush and not my girlfriend (soon to become wife). I got out the Army in 2008. My wife at the time my girlfriend never understood that I need time to readjust we separate and the only person who help was my father. I got married in 2013 and got divorce two years ago. In 2008 I joined Facebook and found my crush tried to ad her a friend but I think at the time she was married she never answer. I did send to messages telling her how I felt and telling her that the hardship that I had in the Navy and Army, that I always tough of her and was the only tough that made happy. Second message told her about my feelings and never again message her and left alone. 2009 I started a import business and doing wholes of sock and phone accessories. While all this I finish my second bachelors in accounting 2011, then also when on finishing my Masters in Accounting and Finance and obtaining my CPA. 2013 my girlfriend got married and since we had our son wanted to give a shot to work thing out. I was able to buy a restaurant from a family member and then open another one in PA. I got divorce in 20022 we share responsibilities with my ex-wife for the restaurants that we owe . I always tough about my crush used to look her up from time to time nothing else. I started posting on my Facebook pics me how a look now and make a few real from H.S with my pictures and the 2 months ago I went on Facebook look my crush up and send her a friend request I tough we are 46 we are more mature she has not block or accept the friends request. I'm only following her the cancel request is grey out. Last week I build courage to like one of her posting. I know in her posting she mentioned not having a husband and having a small daughter. I tough there 2 options 1 she blocks or 2 she says notices me. A week later she takes her posting down and then a few days later she changes her profile picture. I was going to like her new picture, I guess she change her setting where only friends can like her new posting or pictures. So I muster the guts and send a message telling her that her hair and eyes look beautiful. I have a gut feeling that she read my message even though in my messenger still say sent. She hasn't block me or anything like that so I really don't know what to think. She still letting me follow her, but sometimes I wish she would block me so it would be easier for me to move on. I'm trying to make sense of this.
I'm just want people though since is hard for me to talk to someone. I tell myself let it go but have to give a shot. Maybe it work maybe not I just have to know. Thanks everyone for the feedback.