everyone I just want to vent about something
I am 16 years old and after a very toxic relationship I soon became very depressed it was a very serious depressive episode I would say I was in my bed just rotting for all of October 2022 is when it started and really that depression took a while to curb and is now back from my arthritis symptoms. I had completely lost my appetite and really, I would eat nothing all day. I don’t know how I did it, I had nearly 7 seizures last year.. but I was so extremely depressed from such toxic people who were still trying to crawl back into my life. I’ve almost lost or I have lost 20 pounds in a year from the depression. I was always perfectly fine for my whole life.. I don’t know how to feel this is really hard for me mentally. I feel disabled I feel like my opportunities are reduced. I feel like as if I’m still struggling with the denial. So my parents definitely noticed my weight loss last year but didn’t really do anything to help me like take me to a doctor and I also didn’t advocate for myself as I was in so deep into my depressive episode so I can also blame myself I guess. But that’s what my problem is.. my mother blames me for my arthritis and everyone in my life is denying at the moment I think everyone is in shock as well. I got into an argument with my father a couple days about something petty and I had told him my arthritis has given me a short temper and made me an angrier person, he said you don’t have sh*t and it made me feel very invalidated and angry and I told him the first stage is denial maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words but I know he might just be in denial and hurt as well as my dad so I am not thinking about what he said too much. My symptoms really started Nov 2023 once in the morning I was brushing my hair before school and I felt a very tight pain in my wrist when I had moved my hand a certain direction because my hair is curly and needs a lot of maintenance, I knew this was a big red flag as I had never felt that before. Then the real pain started the joint pain, aching, dullness, burning, tense pain I feel deep in my bones that i know is arthritis 💔 I am so scared and worried for my future . My symptoms were the worst in winter, where my body would hurt all the time in the cold!! I dropped from 115 lb to almost 96-97 now i know I am unhealthy and doing my best to gain it back I am also 5’1. Also, whenever I move in class my body pops so extremely loud.. to have arthritis at this age in the school setting is so incredibly humiliating and confusing and difficult… I always have to crack my knuckles to ease the pressure built in them after I’m done writing, sometimes I feel the worst of all is I’ve lost my beautiful body that people used to compliment me on, I have genetic cystic acne and wear glasses so it really was the only thing that did make me feel good enough which hurts me to say. I wonder when I go to school what people think of me, I’ve even lost my best friend and friend group because I’m not beautiful like them anymore. It sounds stupid but it’s true my hair being very short due to the shrinkage in curly hair does make me look a bit ugly I have short hair now but it’s growing as i try to gain weight.. how i feel is what is the point of life if I am always suffering 💔 and why me💔 my parents can’t afford even clothes and food for me now they have to buy me medicine i don’t even think they are taking me seriously unfortunately… as the oldest daughter in an immigrant household they always expected me to know how to raise myself and now when i need them they aren’t here😔 it’s hard to write in class and even stay awake, i was always a sleepy person but arthritis is a different.. exhaustion. I feel as if there’s nothing to live for, I am emotionally drained and numbed I almost feel like I’m losing it sometimes. I wish we had a support group for very young people dealing with arthritis because I feel like my life is robbed from me but i only have myself to blame I guess 💔😔

Hi All,
I need to share something important. I've been married for six years and we have a baby boy. However, our marriage has suffered a lot, and we've had many fights. I have a skin condition called vitiligo, which isn't very visible. Only my family and a few close friends know about it. I didn't tell my wife or her family before we got married.
Recently, our son (2Y) was diagnosed with a different disorder(which is not Vitiligo), and it's been very tough for us. We started therapy for him and are committed to doing everything we can. We don't have any fights now. Only focusing on boy. Wife also so much attached to me and financially stabled.
I'm worried my son might get vitiligo from me, even though no one else in my family has it. Still I feel it's started inside his mouth but the doc said it was due to the milk stain and my wife too. Since he is young even doc would give any treatment for vitiligo I guess. I regret not telling my wife about my condition. Now, I'm afraid that revealing it could break our marriage and affect our son's therapy/treatment.
I'm struggling to handle everything. My parents told me to keep it a secret, thinking it wouldn't be passed down.They did great to me always and are also terriied now. My wife's family trusts me, and I feel like I've betrayed that trust. They all went through a lot due of our previous fights ( wife had few suicide attempts ) and father in law passed away few years back.
I need advice and support. I want to do what's best for my son, but I'm overwhelmed by my secret and its potential consequences.
I always feel I am the worst ever son/husband/father. Many sleepless nights. I went completely selfish. Why me ?I should have accepted my condition and lived alone. Because of me my son life also spolied.
Sometimes I feel of ending life, but who will take care of boy. I know I wouldn't do this.. nightmare came true.
Thank you..

POLY ONLY NEED APPLY.
Dnt bother if your gonna want this as a sex only relationship. It's not what I want.
I'm looking for an actual relationship. Meaning, I want good morning and good night texts. I want to know about you, not just want you can do in the bedroom. I want PDA and dates.
I have a husband. I'm looking for a long term boyfriend.
Now if you read all that and your still here... I'm 33yr old female, no kids, 1 fur baby, who loves to read, watch anime and sleep! I'm 5'5 and 300lbs. Im a bbw (yes omg that means I'm fat) who is cute asf.
If you reply to me: tell me about you. And give me your favorite song.

Hey yall I just really need to vent right now.
It hasn't gotten any better. my previous post kinda details all of it I think. I still can't bear to tell anyone how hard of a time I'm having. Once again I've managed to pull off the best grades I've ever gotten at college but I still don't feel like i;ve accomplished anything, and it completely negates my entire mental situation because, as always, "how can you be depressed, everything is going to good for you". Every time I bring up my stuggles it gets completely dismissed. I can't take it, I feel like I'm going crazy, how do other people handle life while I just can't?
I've been drinking all day because it's the only way that lets me feel anything anymore, I'm really sorry if this is just some incoherent rant but I'm kinda loosing my mind out here, I don't get how anyone else does it. How do they just keep moving, nothing seems to slow them down??
I've been in therapy the past couple months but it doesn't help. I don't know how to even bring up my actual troubles, so nothinh actually useful actual gets talked about.
IDK I'm rambling, just the thoughts of a depressed 20 something year old guy who's been hitting the bottle for a little too long.

Hello everyone! I hope you all are doing well while reading this post.
I am currently trying to join a game I had been invited to that has been running for around 2 years irl. The PCs are level 11 and are soon to hit twelve. There is a lot of lore for this game, but their current predicament is that they're trying to have an audience with Lord Neverwinter and to do so, they gotta kill some giants. Unfortunately for the party of 4 (Phantom Rogue, Life Cleric, Lore Bard, Divination Wizard), they are in DIRE need of a tank. So I started making one. Had some issues with communication with the DM but, with the help of some other friends of mine, I finally decided on making a Reborn Cavalier Fighter. However, when I finally have the chance to communicate with the DM about my ideas for a character, a lot of complications arise.
A bit more than a couple of hours ago, I write to the DM on Discord to check if they had time to talk about the character since our game was the very next day and I had next to nothing to work with. DM is a very busy person, but says we can talk around the end of the day. I affirm that notion and let them know what my plan for my character was. At this point, it was my understanding that the party still had some problems with the Red Wizards of Thay and were investigating some magical shenanigans. The wizard and rogue specifically had backstory ties that only served to further their hatred for the group. Thus, I decided to make a Cavalier Fighter who had a wizard lover while he was alive and died protecting his lover. He waited for his lover to join him in the afterlife for a while, but when Mystra showed up instead of the and explained the situation, he wanted to go back to find out what happened to his husband. Thus, he became a Reborn with the goal of finding his husband's grave, learning that the Red Wizards purged it and stole his soul, and joining the party in their hatred towards them.
The issue with this backstory, from my understanding of the DMs perspective, was that it took too much away from the actual story at hand. This is when I found out that the party wouldn't interact with the Red Wizards any more and were headed in a direction that I wouldn't be able to really know about. Instead, the DM proposed that I be a reborn giant soul that was brought back from a time travel accident gone wrong and I would now act as an information giver for the party. I did not want to lose out on the story I crafted since I felt very attached to the concept of love thriving even after death, but when I tried to ask how the DM would have rathered I build my character's story, the offers that were given had very little substance for me to build an actual character off of.
To me, it felt like I was being asked to build an NPC that would give the party information and fight with the party but not have any emotional ties of their own to the story. The end of our discussion came from them saying "maybe take a step back, think about it one more time from a clean slate. It doesn't need to be a whole detailed thing. Just a template you can work from with some basic motivations, ideals, and flaws." I feel like I just wasted a bunch of time and effort trying to make an emotionally driven and persuasive character fir the party to feel attached to, just to be told to make a template character with some pre-generated personality traits. I believe it is in my best interest to leave the game but maybe I am being too harsh on the DM and misconstruing their words. Maybe I'm too attached to the character concept I made and should learn how to compromise more, even if it feels like the reasons the character would work well are being gutted. What do you all think? I don't think I can make a proper decision without being influenced by my emotions.

TLDR

I made a backstory that the DM doesn't believe would work for his world. DM then strongly suggests that I either make changes that I feel would gut my character and turn them into a glorified NPC or make a new NPC from scratch. I think I should leave, but I don't think I can trust my gut right now. What do you think?

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The dust from the search early in the week has found no place to settle on. Some aggrieved prisoners (likely the ones whose stuff were found and seized) made a very revealing and damning video about the prison and Authority. They told all in the video – how we're not fed, are extorted, have to pay to buy and fuel generators before we can use light, etc, concluding that they've made a merchandise out of us and we're the ones feeding them.
It went so viral that a national daily picked and published it and it has got the ranks of the correctional service running excited. The state comptroller has been to the yard three times this week alone after. He had a meeting with the key inmates here today and has informed us to get ready for another search. This time, they'd take our generators and cart away and burn our clothes, and would revert and enforce only the use of an official uniform for inmates. He said.
Imagine their hypocrisy! No denial of or addressing the issues raised in the video, but rather resorting to sublime threats. Not like they care to solve these problems, they're only concerned about people outside the four walls knowing what happens inside. That's why their only response would be to up and come seize all phones to rid us of cameras that can bring the searchlight on their crimes against us. Sinners! They deserve prison more than most in it.
On the parts of the inmates who recorded the video, I say it was stupid of them. Nothing good will come of it considering the country where we are. Rather they'd most certainly bring more hardships on us and make things more difficult. This is exactly the reason I'm always as careful as careful can be. One stupid post and I can cause problems for two thousand others. We don't want that.
Prison never settles is one of our sayings here. It's dramas upon dramas. One episode ends and another picks up from the very point where it dropped. The solution is to leave prison and its dramas. And this requires a good lawyer with the will to see you leave. Sadly, my attorney isn't such a lawyer. He seems to want me to remain or just doesn't care whether I leave or remain but just a swindler that goes about taking money from powerless inmates and doing nothing because he can…or thinks he can.
He did the same to an 84 year old man in my cell, also conspired with a complainant against his client, Ben, and got him a rip off of a settlement deal. And there will be others in this yard I don't know yet. God knows I'll make him pay when this is all over.
Tomorrow is Sunday. Church in prison seems like an alien concept now to me.
Goodnight Diary!

*** Comments mentioning anything related to treatment, trying to conceive, or family building measures in this thread will be removed via our OFF TOPIC rule. Consider if you were taking a break from treatment because you were exhausted and sad - treatment (yes anything related to it) goes in treatment **\*
Coping with infertility is complex, and it is our imperative to create places where we can honor the distinctly unique needs created by infertility. Sit beside us and share what’s on your mind and going on in your life. This is a great place to get to know your fellow members outside the gravity of treatment. Discussion here includes, but is not limited to:

• Venting about the impact of infertility on our lives/relationships/careers
• Non-IF Rants of all kind – marriage, career, societal, social media, friendships, mental health, and yes… politics too. It doesn’t need to be infertility related!
• Discussions around dealing with the influence of infertility – therapy, coping methods, finding supportive friends, getting lapped by a friend, dealing with pregnancy announcements, pushy parents, people that don’t understand, etc. The big picture stuff.
• Sharing stories and parts of your life (pictures of pets always welcome!) outside of infertility

​
Example of the difference between the Treatment and Chat Thread:
Comments for the Treatment Thread

• Literally anything that involves or mentions treatment, trying to conceive, or any family building measures: paying for it, being exhausted by it, fighting about it, telling other people about it. If anything about your comment has anything to do with treatment or TTC, it belongs in the treatment thread. Also including diagnostic tests, medication, lab results, or lifestyle measures taking in the hopes of improving treatment outcome.
  • I'm in the TWW, and I'm glad I scheduled a vacation as a distraction!
  • I'm trying to decide if I should delay my egg retrieval cycle because this is a big work month for me.
  • I told my parents about IVF, and they were incredibly supportive. I feel really grateful.

Comments for the Chat Thread

• You can of course still discuss infertility in the chat thread:
  • I am super bummed about being lapped by a friend.
  • I have two currently pregnant coworkers, and I am losing my mind with all the pregnancy discussion.
  • Today is the anniversary of my loss, and I'm really struggling.
• Or you can discuss things unrelated to infertility:
  • Whoa, my dogwalker taught my dog to roll over.
  • There's this donut place next to my work that sells donuts for $5 each, but the WILD thing is that they're worth it!
  • My spouse and I are planning a trip to Europe. Opinions on Italy vs Greece?

A few notes:

• Positive HPT or Beta Results (including Beta Hell) should only be posted in the Results thread as per the rules (except for confirmed loss): https://www.reddit.com/infertility/search?q=flair_name%3A%22Results%22
• We recognize that the AM/PM distinction doesn’t match up with every time zone in our global community, we ask that you pick the most recently posted thread wherever you are.
• Standalone culture here is saved for complex topics, usually including detailed conversations around scientific studies, or asking multi-part complex questions around treatment plans. We strongly recommend posting in the community threads first. If you aren’t sure, ask in the daily threads first!

Above all - Science minded perspective and respect for others is important here. Please treat your fellow peers with compassion.
Last reminder - this is the CHAT thread. Not the place to discuss anything focused on treatment, TTC, or family building measures.

I am a 20-year-old guy. I was in a long-distance relationship that got very toxic, and we broke up in April. My girlfriend (19) was preparing for her exams, and I was also looking for jobs. I got a good internship at a good company, but she was still struggling with her preparation. I always helped her with her math. We were having so many fights; she always brought up breaking up and blamed me for everything in our relationship.
Just as I was about to start my new internship and move to a new city, we got into another fight because I wanted to talk to her, but she didn't and just went to sleep, ignoring me. After that fight, I tried to fix things, but she kept saying we couldn't stay together and that we were not compatible. Similar things had happened in the past, where we had a break just before I started my previous internship, and I cried for 10 days straight, telling her I was sorry. In the end, she said, "I love you, let's give us another chance." Due to that experience, I didn't want to repeat the same for this opportunity too. I said, "Fine, let's break up," because I was so devastated and had tried everything to fix our relationship. At that moment, I felt like I couldn't do anything alone. She was also worried about her exams, and I didn't want her preparation to be affected by me, so I said let's take a break.
As days passed, I avoided contacting her. Then a situation arose on my end: my university was having problems with me switching my internship, and they said they were going to detain me for the semester. It got very serious, so I had to work from home and travel quickly to my university. I told her about this, but she was very cold and showed no reaction. I thought she would say something different, but she didn't. I booked a flight immediately and traveled that night. On my way after the flight, my phone got stolen in the metro. At my university, the situation was also not good. Despite all this, I thought she would call me and speak with me, but she didn't. I didn't want to disturb her because her exam was in two days. I waited, thinking I would talk to her after her exam.
My university was pressuring me so much that I couldn't do my work. I didn't have a phone, and my university was not listening to me. There was no solution at that time, and I was feeling very down. The day of her exam came, and I texted her to ask how it went. She said, "Not so good." I told her it was okay and not to worry, that she tried her best, and I motivated her. She thanked me, and then I asked if we could talk. She said no because she wasn't in a good mood, and I wasn't either. I insisted that we should talk to avoid things getting worse between us, but she refused. We had a call where she wasn't paying attention to me. When I told her I wasn't fine and needed to talk, she said nothing. My phone's battery drained very fast, so I texted her how much I wanted to talk to her and how much I needed her, but she didn't reciprocate.
I eventually gave up and texted her some harsh things to get a reaction out of her, and she finally started replying, which was kind of funny. I apologized immediately and continued to apologize the next day and the day after that. I suggested taking a break and then getting back together, but she said no to every possibility. I concluded that it was over.
I felt like, what's the point of this relationship if she can't help me in such a situation? I was there for her, but she was not there for me.
I waited a week, hoping she would message me, but she didn't. Then I thought I should visit her next month after getting my salary. I was very anxious at that time. I tried to speak to her, but she again said no. After that, I was very confused. A friend of mine told me, "Bro, do whatever gives you peace." At that moment, I realized that even if I visited her, things wouldn't change because I was ready, but she was not. I realized I had been dumped, and I had anxiety attacks and other issues. I also had to perform at my job, and everything was very messy. She blocked me during all this time.
After two weeks, I realized I should move on. I started talking to a girl I met on a dating app. We had night-long calls, and she seemed cool. She was into art, and I felt like I wanted to learn art to express myself. I thought of dating her to see where things would go. For our first date, she invited me to her place, which was weird, but I didn't think much of it because if something bad happened to me, I would be fine with that (I was suicidal). We watched a movie, and before I left, she moved close to me, and we kissed. After that, I asked more about her past relationships, which were not that great.
I suddenly realized what a mistake I made because I knew I wasn't going to stay with her long. On our second date, I conveyed this to her, and she said it was fine. She also didn't want any attachments and just wanted to go with the flow. We made out again (no intercourse). After the second date, my guilt got to me, and I told her I couldn't be physical with her if we weren't going to be together because I didn't want that. She said, "Chill, it's okay, we're both having fun," but I stopped talking to her. However, the guilt of moving on too quickly and the realization that I wasn't going to be with my ex ever hit me hard.
I felt like I had lost all my chances. My ex was the love of my life, and now I realize she just needed time to work on herself. If I had been patient, everything might have been fine. After a few days, I had a call with my ex, breaking the no-contact rule, and it turned into an argument. The next day, she called me, apologizing for her mistakes. After that call, I started having feelings for her again. I got desperate and forgot all the bad things that had happened in the past. But I didn't have the courage to tell her what I had done in the meantime. I told her I was very confused and wanted her back, even though I hated her a few days ago.
I was getting very messy. She told me we couldn't be together, that she didn't want to give me hope, and that we should work on ourselves and see what happens. I agreed. We both had an unspoken plan to meet after 3-4 months once she got into college. But the guilt of making out with another girl got to me, along with the hope of getting back with my ex and the thought that she might not change.
I wanted to kill that hope. At first, I thought I would confess to her when we met, but I didn't want to be stuck on that thought for months. One day, she messaged me, and I told her everything. She hung up the call and blocked me. The next day, I called her from my friend's phone and apologized. I said I was very confused about what I wanted and that I didn't know what I was doing. I asked her not to think of me as a bad person and to forgive me. She said I should have waited and that I am the kind of person who moves on easily. She hung up the call again. And here I am.
TLDR: Am I the asshole for moving on from my girlfriend who wanted me to move on from her? She said lots of heartbreaking things to me at the end, and I gave up and moved on too quickly, which I regret now.

Hiya
I have a 10month chi, she's very friendly and sweet temperament wise. I also have two kids and a push over partner, he's definitely more of the dog person but no boundaries 😮‍💨
I have a few issues I'd appreciate some advice/input on how to train her, as yesterday she escaped the house and ran in front of a car. She is SO lucky it didn't hit her. I spent 15 minutes trying to find her, and that's only because she found a dog walker who grabbed her 😮‍💨
• Doesn't eat unless it's chicken. She will starve herself for days, and then only eat chicken. Vets given advice about no longer changing her pet food in attempts to find ones she likes Previously within a week, if she even ate it, she will reject again and honestly she didn't eat much to begin with. So now it gets put out, if she doesn't eat it within 5 minutes, it's taken away. Then she waits until dinner. It's sort of solved the problem, she's at least eating half of a meal a day.
• Pees everywhere. I've had to throw out a large family rug. She's destroyed my wooden floor. Doesn't like to use puppy mats. She will go outside in the morning now, but that's only recent Banned from unsupervised upstairs as she will pee and poop everywhere. She's also pooped on the kids and my beds before; I've warned my eldest (he adores her) that he can clean it up if she does it on his again, since he wants her on his bed. It's either the kitchen wood floor (which is now all black/dark brown under the table, I wish she would use puppy mats) or living room rug.
• No call back or commands. She just about knows SIT when it suits her. She does know her name. She knows no but doesn't always listen to it, again, unless it suits her. She also knows when she's been naughty as she legs it from me to her bed 🙄 I really need this sorted, she is so fast and regularly escapes. She has a collar with name and number and address etc; but I can't run after her and she will eventually get eaten by another dog (lots of big dogs around here, I've had to lift her before! They must think she's a bunny!) or worse, if this continues.
• Eats everything on the carpet. When she does have a scrap of food, she takes it into the living room onto the carpet. At best she eats on the floor next to her bowl. I've found if i put her food outside, she eats out the bowl itself. But honestly I cannot keep cleaning my carpet of dog food as she smears it in 😭 I'm looking at another stair gate to sadly confine her to the kitchen, now.
• Jumping and biting. I get she's a puppy. But she jumps and bites my kids faces. I'm pregnant ATM and will be due soon, I don't want her accidently hurting the newborn. I don't want to end up having to get rid of her, I want to train it out of her. She doesn't always bite soft, too, she's drawn blood with myself and my youngest child. Unfortunately 🙄 my eldest and partner (and guests, sigh) find it endearing and tell me "she's just playing", and I'm trying to explain if she mauls a neighbour's kids face by accident or their child or my baby, they will soon change their tune! I had a friend in school, who's nose literally has this massive scar where her dog as a puppy, got carried away. The dog was re-homed and she has a permanent fear of dogs.
• Licking - this is just me. I hate licky dogs. We have had several dogs when I was a kid and none like this. She gets carried away and has stuck her tongue up the nose of the lot of them; she doesn't get that chance with me as I put my hand on her head but she still tries.. Kids adore it. Partner adores it 🙄 Anyway to stop her doing it? At least for me 😮‍💨
• When on a lead, there is absolutely no listening skills. She does what she wants. You can say "heel" and stop all you want, she will strangle herself silly.
• Jumping on sofa and stealing pillows, humping pillows, using sofa to launch herself onto living room table to steal food. Also uses sofa to launch into (already set up) baby cot - this certainly has to stop! I put it out already to train her "no" like I used to do with our cat. Our cats old now so he is already trained up in forbidden places etc.
😮‍💨 I've never had this issue with any dogs we had since I was a child/friends puppies. I appreciate I don't have as much time to dedicate, and will be going on maternity leave so I want to be dealing with as much of it as I can before/when baby is here.
Sorry it's so long 😮‍💨 I am just tired and it doesn't help my partner and eldest, she goes straight to them when she's naughty/not getting her way, and then I have to tell them off, too. I'm not daft, I know it's because they give in 🙄
Thank you 🙏

I slept fine, I didn’t fall asleep so nicely. I don’t know why, I felt perfectly adequate all evening and then bam I cry myself to sleep. I don’t know how or why, and I didn’t even cry over anything in particular it was just any and everything. And I just kept crying and crying, like a baby. I had to switch pillows twice because I drenched it, but I got to sleep on my favourite pillow by the time I was almost asleep thankfully. I can be so picky with pillows, another thing mum tends to call me, even to this day - the princess and the pea. Or rather she likens me to her… I can’t entirely say I disagree tbh. I just like things a particular way, not all things, I can be relaxed about plenty, but there are some things I just to be just so. My pillows when I sleep for example, how the dishwasher top rack is stacked etc. Entirely inconsequential things really. But anyway. I didn’t fall asleep so nicely. I woke up feeling better, still a bit sad but nothing I couldn’t ignore.
It’s now 12:58pm and I’ve done next to nothing. I’ve been watching BT, I’m not writing the name of the show because I feel like that might be search heavy at the moment? So I’ve been watching that, I’m midway through the third episode now and there are four out so far. I’ve also painted some of my lil clay things with primer. And that’s about it. I really need to clean and tidy my room but the idea of it… ugh. I don’t want to :(
I’m loving BT so much. I like the stories and characters and stuff, but I mostly love the sets and costumes. They’re just so luxuriously opulent and uggghhhhhhh I want to just stare it all. Sometimes I wish they would clear out the cast and just give us a tour of the rooms and show all the details of the gowns. But like I learned in therapy, beauty is something I value highly, not in a vain way but in the way I utterly adore beautiful things whether it be a stunningly ornate wallpaper, a sparkly bead encrusted gown or even a leaf that is the perfect shade of green. I just love it all and it brings me so much joy, more than I realised now that I’m conscious of this value of mine. But the BT house itself, particularly the drawing room ommmmgggg. The blue? I think it’s called wedgewood blue from memory, with the creamy/white detailing. And all the light streaming through. It’s so dreamy. And it makes me love my blue and white bedroom more. And the gowns!!!!!!! I wish I could roll around in them, they’re so sparkly and detailed and beyond beautiful. Particularly the ones crusted in beading and with the luxurious silks and satins and velvets and taffetas and organza and all of it. And the colours! It’s all so dreamy. I don’t overly love the style of a lot of the gowns, that sort of empire line, mainly because it only looks good on women with fewer curves and a flatter chest, they can look gorrrrrrrgeous in them. But otherwise if you have any kind of cleavage it looks so weird and bleh. I love Penelope so much, she’s always been a favourite character and she honestly deserves the very best. And Colin definitely got a glow up prior to this season. His brown coat is so delicious. I’m beginning to wonder if I should read the series…? I do love a lil historical romance. Anyway I don’t even Penelope and Colin to end up together, I mean Lord Debling is so lovely and Colin is off sleeping with hookers… like? Then again I know I am wrong in how I think and feel about all of this. I know I have expectations ghat are unfair, I mean maybe not for everyone but if I’m nothing special and therefore not enough then can I criticise. This doesn’t make sense. Anyway. Actually nevermind I just watched the fourth episode and I am very much Team Colin. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!!!!!! But now I have to wait for part two in mid June :(
I’m going to the office tomorrow. I don’t want to. But oh well. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get back in twice a week - I’ve been slack with it and it doesn’t help me become better. Leaving the house more is important, so this shall be one of the ways. I’m also going to get some new sneakers and a walking jacket so I can go for walks more regularly. I’d like to go several times a week, but I’ll work up to that. I love my walks, I love them a lot but I just get filled with every negative emotion when I go for them around my house, to the point I’ll start having tears running down my cheeks or shaky trembly hands - it’s pathetic. I think environment is everything, and purpose. When I walk pups at my parents I don’t feel these things, I’ll be a little anxy but nothing I can’t manage. But here? It’s so hard. It’s so stupid I know. But I love walking, I feel better when I do it regularly, so I shall keep forcing myself to do it until I feel okay about it. I know this is what I have to do, but the way it makes me feel inside… it never feels worth it. To be 20 minutes walk from home and feel on the verge of a panic attack is NOT a good feeling and it only makes my panic worsen. So baby steps. I’ve been considering on and off moving to a different area, I think I would feel more comfortable in other areas, I don’t know why I don’t here but I don’t. But moving elsewhere is no different to running from problems so I will sort it out here.
I broke his little bowl. I didn’t mean to :( I feel kind of upset about it, it’s been two weeks in the making with time to shape, dry, prime and I was doing a final layer of primer pre paint and my stupid finger went through the base. So I guess it would never have been a good present anyway because it broke so easily. But I bought a really pretty coloured paint because I thought he might like it and I just feel upset. I showed him it, idk why, I just messaged him a picture of it now and I already wish I hadn’t. I shouldn’t have even made anything for him in the first place, he’s made it abundantly clear he doesn’t care for homemade things - cards, presents, whatever. If he did like them he would comment on them, and he never does, so maybe it’s a good thing this broke. I just like sharing things with him, like when I draw and I like a tree I’ve drawn I want to show him, except I don’t because I’m utterly rubbish at drawing and it makes me look like a five year old. I at least appreciate his honesty, or transparency rather. It means I can understand what he does and doesn’t like. I just think his likes don’t mesh with my like of making homemade cards and presents. It’s not like I only give him that though. Anyway it doesn’t matter, plus it’s probably better for me to not share things like this given I don’t have any skill or natural talent with it. Just because you enjoy something doesn’t make you good at it.
I don’t feel so great this afternoon, mood wise.
I’ve done the absolute bare minimum with my room, and the bar was set very, very low today. I tidied the floor up a bit, I made my bed, did a lazy tidy of my vanity desk thing.. that’s about it. I’ll do more across the week.
I feel.. detached today. This afternoon, rather. I know I love my family, Andy, puppy… etc. I just can’t feel it. I know it’s all in there, but I feel detached and I can’t reach it. This isn’t unusual, I just always try to describe the feeling and always fail. I think knowing I care but not being able to feel myself care sums it up as well as I’ll ever be able to.
I found a little notebook of my early days of therapy, well with this current one, maybe not that early actually but idk. It was just me writing down who I am. The first is “I am a human” because I had to start with the basics. The last line is “I try my best to be friendly” - I think I will continue with this. No one really comments much on me so I will just write it as things feel write. From memory it was also a way to force myself to speak more kindly to myself, ie I am a woman vs I am a monster. And things like I’m generous, I love animals, I am quiet, I try to be patient, I love romance, I appreciate attention to detail, I like to care for others, I am a homebody, I love reading etc. And then scattered amongst it was some honesty, like I can be a control freak, I am quite particular about some things, I am indecisive, I am sensitive etc. And then next to I am a friend I have a question mark. But I want to continue writing these things, I think it’s helpful when I feel lost in myself to be able to read through a list of things I’ve written and be reminded. That sounds so silly to not know who you are sometimes, but sometimes I just feel so unbelievably lost and unmoored from everything, even myself. So I’ll write all the good things, and the bad. I’ll write things that I like, things that I don’t. I’ll write things I want in my life, things I feel like I should want but don’t, things I shouldn’t want but do etc etc etc. It’ll be a little tiny notebook of everything me. I wonder if sometimes it’s possible for me to get any lamer? Unlikely.
I’ve been thinking about stopping journaling here more and more. I get more out of posting it here, it feels like a release, like I’m letting all the thoughts go which is especially helpful with my negative ones, I don’t know.
It’s 5:23pm. I need to wash and blowdry my hair, as it’s still damp in the morning lately. I need to have something for dinner, I guess. I’ve been struggling with eating lately, I feel so ugly and it makes me not want to eat and then that sets off a bad string of things. I’ll have something little, vegemite toast maybe. I need to pack my bag for tomorrow. And that’s it.
I feel better after a shower and chat with Andy, I still feel not good but he perked me up on the outside. He makes me laugh so much :) It’s kind of weird to think I’ll be living long term in Australia, like I’ve always intended on living there - until my mental health and covid messed things up a little for me timeline wise. But to think I’ll maybe say Australian things…? That I’ll say thongs? And I definitely will because I cave quickly, like I was only in the UK two years and I said crisps and trainers and I still do to this day, which I’m actively trying to stop. I wonder what my accent would sound like after like ten years… I really doubt I’d ever lose my accent. It’s funny how I do probably sound a bit different when talking to him versus my mum. I just talk more softly with him, I naturally do anyway to the point I have people comment semi regularly on how soft spoken I am, but idk, I don’t even mean to speak to him a certain way, I just do? And then he hears me talking to mum and I probably sound like I’m wearing Jandals and stubbies while loading up the ute as I prepare for a tramp in the bush. Christ. I do love being from here though, in theory I would rather we live here than Australia, and never say never… but it makes more sense to be there. I don’t really have anyone here other than my parents whereas he has family and friends and his payments and all of it. I don’t really have any ties here. Anyway.
I get to spend time with him tonight :) Night night

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Last night after I(M20) finished with my job at 10 and a friend of mine and my girlfriend's called me to see how I am. This girl is very honest and she is a great friend. After she asked the typical how are you she told me that I NEED to check my gf's(F18) messages to her best friend Amanda(fake name) on 22nd of January. At first I thought that she was joking but she told me she wasn't and she just cared about me. We talked a bit more and we hang up.
I'm a very trusting person and my gf Jessica(fake name) gave me no reason not to trust her so I was peaceful in my head. Last night I went and saw her and I didn't tell her or show her that something is wrong but I had a ton of suspicions about what these messages could be. Note that me and Jessica have a non tolerance rule that we can't talk to ex's and people that like us romantically. This was her idea and I loved it. Also she doesn't have any male friends.
Once she got asleep i took her phone. I know the password and I have face Id. I went to the messages and I started the detective job. I found the messages and at the start was very confusing because there was no context but ill give you some. She was going to the cafeteria that her ex works every day. Admittedly she has stopped going there a long time ago but this change nothing. I believe my gf and her bestfriend talked on the phone firstly and thatd how the friend knew about this.
So the first message was from Amanda and it said "Leave the crap to me I know you". My gf answered that she went only to study and she won't go there again. Her bestfriend said "Jessica..." so she lies and they both know it. After that Amanda told her that she didnt tell my gf not to go but to be careful because she got me and even tho my gf and her ex talked(my heart dropped there) and she deleted the messages but her ex still got them. After that he bestfriend said "be careful dont do the same again"(another heart drop since my gf told me that she never cheated and her body count is 1 but it seems it was a lie)
Some context for the next messages. My gf and her bestfriend was in a relationship with two best friends. Her best friend still is "stuck" with her ex and my gfs ex and my gfs bestfriend meet to talk about the relationship with her and his best friend. I knew that cause my gf told me but I didnt think anything of it.
To continue with the messages. Amanda told my gf that tomorrow she and my gf's ex will meet and she told my gf not to be anxious but she wants her prepared. My gf answered "I don't know what to do. I didnt intend to talk to him through messages but i wanted to answer to the messages". Her bestfriend replied do as you pleased. After that I went further down and I saw her bestfriend tell her "ok we talked listen" and there was 11 voice messages but once I saw them my gf woke up and snatched the phone.(first time)
She got all defensive and started yelling why i was searching her messages(first time this complained since she has done it many times and ihave too) and I was toxic and I told her let me show you why and she hid her phone. This was inthe morning because i stayed over at her house. She was telling me that she didnt tell me any of these because i would get angry etc (average manipulator response). And then I left her house. Now she is flooding my dms that im wrong for searching the messages and she cant understand why i act this way and she can't trust me again etc. BS. Now im on this confusing place and I dont know whta to do. She definitely lied about some thing. 8 months down the drain. I know that if i stay i cant fully trust her again so there is that.
tl;dr my gf texted her ex and hid the messages and my trust to her is gone

Okay backstory, so my bf(22m) and I (19f) used to do coke together at the beginning of our relationship, not everyday but weekends and occasions. He however would always do a lot more than me, and a lot more often, which wasn’t a problem for a while until I started wanting to cut down. We had a really big fight one night, basically I had said that I’d attend this event with his friends only if they weren’t doing coke, and that if that was the plan it wasn’t a big deal I just wouldn’t be there. He made a huge deal about asking all of his friends about giving it up for the night, telling me it was fine and I wasn’t intruding and told me 100% that no one we were with would be doing coke. Long story short, him and all of his friends were doing it and hiding it, and he didn’t tell me until I figured it out. We fought mostly because of the fact that he lied to me after making such a show about making me comfortable, but also because,,, why couldn’t he give it up for one night? When I specifically asked him? I considered breaking up with him, but left it at “if you lie to me again we’re done”. After that he told me he didn’t want to do it anymore and he never meant to hurt me, that he loved me too much for it to cause problems between us and would never lie to me again. That it scared him how badly he felt like he needed to do it, that he didn’t wanna be doing it forever, etc etc. It’s been about 5 months since then and he hasn’t done any.
Now here for the current issue: I thought we were on the same page about being done with it for good, I gave it up after that too, still have some but haven’t touched it since and the growing healing part of me doesn’t want to. Me and my friend were planning on going to a music festival and I invited him, told him we’d only be drinking and smoking. He essentially said that if he couldn’t do coke there he probably wouldn’t go. I pressed him about it, asked him why he wanted to so bad and if he really thought it wouldn’t be worth it without coke. His reasoning was “because I miss it and it’s fun” “I’m not gonna spend hundreds of dollars just to drink and smoke”. I understand substance issues and I have some of my own, but I’ve been in a relationship before where the substance issues bounce off the other person (terrible experience) and I truly can’t take that step back now that I’ve stopped, as much as I may want to sometimes. I tried to consider being okay with it, asked him thoroughly whether he’d keep using it after the festival or would be able to regulate, or maybe letting him compromise or something. The more I think about it though, I don’t know if i could handle the “fomo” I’d have if he was doing it and I wasn’t, in a bad way. I don’t think I could be okay with him doing it in any capacity. I don’t really see the point in starting again after you’ve already gone so long without. Obviously you want to, it’s addictive, but that’s something you have to work against, and actively steer yourself away from. I don’t know if he’s ready to do that.
I worry especially since he says he misses it that even if he’s fine with not going to the festival at all, he’ll just find another place or event to do it at. I know it may be hypocritical considering we used to do it together, but I don’t think I can be with him unless he’s fully commited to not doing it again. I feel like we’ve been together long enough to grow as people in that time, and I don’t want to do hard drugs anymore (only sometimes). I know part of all his reassurance on not doing it again was probably because he was scared of me breaking up with him, but I thought at least most of it was true. Am I wrong for thinking we were on the same page? I don’t know how to go about this and I don’t want us to break up, but I don’t want to ignore my feelings either.
note: I love my boyfriend so much, we have such a good relationship other than times like these he treats me well and we communicate well and I’ve never felt more loved by anyone, it would kill me for this to be the end of it, it’s not what I want at all. I just worry even if he accepts it, that he’ll just lie to me about it because he knows I’ll break up with him. Best case scenario, he accepts my boundary no matter how begrudgingly and won’t do it again. I’m looking for realism here though and I’m not great at that. I know I can’t magically make him not want to do coke ever again, but how do I go about this in a way that’s not attacking him? I hate to give ultimatums but it kind of is. Maybe it’ll be a simple thing maybe it won’t, I really don’t know. I’m just scared of losing him over this, even if that sounds dramatic.
tl:dr I’m worried my bf’s attitude towards coke is going to either cause problems or ruin our relationship.

My mom attempted to take her life approximately 1 week ago now. She tried to overdose on sleeping pills but realized what she was doing was wrong and forced herself to throw up. 10, to be exact, and I know this because I was the first person she told.
Background: my mom and stepdad have always had a difficult relationship. Things were fine for the first few years. I had an instinctive hatred/short temper for him that genuinely confused me because he was never mean to me to begin with. It became extremely apparent over the last couple years of their marriage that my mother is basically doing everything in this house for everyone and is the only parental figure providing any emotional support to any of the kids in this house. This has caused a lot of fights and stress for everyone involved. Fast forward to last weekend, my mother finally reached a breaking point and went to the hospital. She apparently sat in a room, alone, for 7 hours before she finally broke and tried to kill herself via overdose. As said before, she threw it up.
This is where her timeline got confusing over the phone because allegedly two hours after her OD attempt when I woke up to my phone ringing and she eventually got through her hysterics and told me everything, she was currently in her car with my two TODDLER SIBLINGS IN THE BACK SEAT LISTENING TO THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION, driving down our road like she had recently left our house. I was at my dad’s at this time so I was concerned out of my mind not only for my mom but my siblings especially. She was clearly not in a good state of mind and the fact that she might try to take herself out again and bring my siblings with her this time terrified me. My mom told me she didn’t know where was safe to go, so I directed her to my grandmas house and called her to make sure she knew why my mom had shown up out of the blue. My grandma and my other grandma from my mom’s other side of the family took care of her from there and got her admitted in a hospital for a few days.
Being the first person to hear all these details and have to take the initiative to protect my mom and sibling was horrible. I hated feeling like my hand was being forced and that I had to assume leadership because there was not one else suitable enough to make a good choice at that moment.
Also, another very important detail: my sister doesn’t know about mom’s suicide attempt. She was told mom was having mental health issues and went to the hospital to seek help, but I’ve made it abundantly clear to everyone who I told/has been told about the situation that under no circumstances will my sisters ever know about my phone call with my mom. At this moment, I can’t feel much of anything towards it, but I know if anyone asks for details I’m probably going to crumble. I hated having to lie about when I found out mom was in the hospital and what I know, I can’t lie to her face again. She literally found out through a cousin that our mom was in the hospital because I wasn’t ready to explain things to her (the cousin wasn’t supposed to know anything, and that was only 2 days after the original phone call).
The worst of it all? While she was in the hospital, she missed Mother’s Day (we had plans to eat at our favorite restaurant. Instead, I ate a cold burrito left over from the day before) and my last concert of this year (I performed over half of the songs, including a special spotlight moment with my trio. It meant a lot to me and I thought she would’ve gotten out in time to see it so I was devastated). And since, I haven’t seen her face. She’s called me, both from the hospital and from her phone after she got out, everyday since. And the days we don’t call, we text. She doesn’t know when me and my sister will be able to go back to staying at her house right now and it’s eating me up.
I hate having to ask for project extensions because I physically cannot pick up the supplies I need at this moment given that they are at my mom’s house. And I hate that literally the only people I can talk to are adults. Not just adults either, it’s only my grandmas, my aunt and uncle who watched my toddler siblings when my mom was in the hospital, my dad, my stepmom, and my school counselor. So, options are limited. I just want to rant to my friends and talk to people who aren’t going to pity me and remind me over and over “It’s not your fault. Your mom never should’ve called you and told you all that, but now it’s in our hands so don’t worry.” No, I just want someone to be real with me. Yeah, I know it’s fucked up that out of everyone in her phone, my mother chose her teenage daughter. No explanation needed. Just someone for the love of god just tell me “dude that’s fucking messed up, but continue”.
I have so much I want to talk about and not enough people I can actually talk to. But is it even my place to talk about it? I wouldn’t want people telling everyone about my attempt, but then again if you’re going to vent to your child, I think in a way it’s my traumatic experience to talk about as well. Idk really, I tend to become a one track mind when I’m processing trauma. Thoughts?

Saturday started out rough. So at 0445 my silly puppy starts barking at well probably one of the cats lets me honest (they like to torment her, cause she tormented them.) I get out of bed and go down stairs and hang out with her. Let her out quietly so everyone can stay asleep. Around 0600 she starts barking at a leaf or something so I frantically let her in so she doesn’t bother the neighbors who are very nice and I want to stay on their good sides. Let alone the fact she could wake the toddler and baby who are evil little monsters. I’m successful house is still asleep. I take her down and feed her. But she’s acting funny. (I didn’t put 2& 2 together yet about that.)
0730 rolls around and I hear the stirrings of a toddler and see movement on the baby monitor app. I rush up stairs to try to stem the tide of child chaos. They’re all awake and my wife is upset. So I propose we watch Pawpatrol in the room and I take care of them. She gladly accepts and proceeds to pass the baby off to me and falls back asleep. Around 830 the toddler gets restless and ends up waking her up. Again fucking upset like Goddamn it isn’t the extra fucking 4 hours of sleep out got more than me enough? Well here is the coup-de-grace of my epic failure of a day that lead to everything. I fucking had the gall to ask if she could take them and I could get alittle sleep too.
This one moment lead to what I feel is the pivotal day in my self deletion…
The first hour all I can hear is he complaining about every little thing screaming at our toddler and baby cause they’re fucking kids and don’t know any better (toddler knows but still doesn’t grasp somethings.) Que that anxiety laden heart throbbing BP spike. I come out and try to help. She dismisses me condescendingly saying “your sick you need sleep” I retorted “I can’t sleep when your acting like this” (yes I fucking know I’m a shitty man get fucked atleast I’m honest.) eventually she calms down some. However over the next two hours all I can hear is, husband did this, husband didn’t do that, husband isn’t doing enough. Eventually I had enough with the lines “I have XYZ to do and not enough time be nice if I had help.” Fuck it okay, I come out and walk in the room and castigated her. “ you know I’m fucked up still, I’m trying to sleep.” She just throws it back in my face about how she forced the kids and grandmas outside so the house would be quiet. (BUT THIS THE THE FUCKING PROBLEM THEY ARENT THE FUCKING PROBLEM.) no I never said that because I’m a pathetic coward.

A bit of info before I start, I am F(28) and my partner is M(39), we aren’t the same nationality and come from two different countries in Europe. We’ve been together for well over 4 years, are planning to get married and have kids. For the past year my partner has been incredibly ill which prevented him from working (he had a very well paying job), it has been very difficult for both of us. My moms side of the family never truly got to know my partner well as they do not speak English. Sorry for this being a long post, I’m not great at storytelling.
About a week ago, I’m visiting my grandparents along with my mother. Me and my mom are planning a trip to another country which we are very excited about so obviously the conversation starts there. My mom goes off about how great it’s going to be, what we’re going to do there and so on, when my grandma suddenly interrupts to say to me “oh and maybe you can meet a nice man when you’re there there.”
Me being obviously shocked by the comment as I already have a nice man, I say “I don’t need to find a nice man there, I already have a nice man.”
This is when she starts this big speech about everything that she believes to be wrong with my partner. Her main points were to say that he is ugly, sick and old. Me not knowing how to react I asked her if she’s serious - she was. She basically said that us not being married and not having kids made our relationship a failure. That because of my partners illness I “never leave the house” - which is not true. That I need to find myself someone better, who is not sick, because he is just bad.
At one point during her speech I decided that I am leaving, I could not take the belittling of my partner much longer, the only thing o said back to her is that I hope that if she is ever sick, people will stick around and not leave her because she’s a burden.
As soon as I walk out, my mom follows me trying to convince me to come back inside and we can all talk. At that point I’m in tears, trying to get an Uber back home. At one point my grandmother approached me, I honestly thought she’s came to apologize - nope! She tells me to stop it and get over it.
Since then I have been completely ignoring her. She sent a text message apologizing but I ignored it. In the text she said that she’s sorry but she just wants the best for me - to me that means that she still stands by what she said. She has made a few attempts to talk to me on the phone but each time I’ve ignored her.
My family believes I should accept that she’s “an older lady” and doesn’t know better so to let it go. I on the other hand have no clue what to do. I feel that even if I do forgive I cannot forget and it would be so Wierd to bring my partner around her at any family events. I told him the whole story and he also doesn’t really want to be around her any time soon and I can’t blame him. From what I have heard from my mother, my grandmother is now complaining that I’m not giving in and that I am making a big deal out of nothing.
So AITAH? What should I do?

Prepare for a wall of text, this is a long one. Im posting this after a question in touched a sensitive fiber and I need some advice on how to proceed.
She is a married friend of mine, but our friendship is quite peculiar.
We know eachother since our last year at university (eight years ago), we did a team asignament and got along well so we continued seeing eachother after the course ended. We clicked well and talked about everything including our romantic lifes, her almost sexless relationship and my shitty and sexless dating life. We developed trust, companionship and a curiosity for trying new things together. We have the same values, political leaning and dark sense of humour. It is a great friendship and we can confide eachother anything.
She was in an almost sexless relationship for years, she married that same guy and is still married to him (14 years together and counting). Her relationship with her now husband is great except for the sexual aspect. This was a recurring conflict in her relationship up to the point than her then BF told her than "if she wanted sex so much she could find someone else", it didnt bothered him that she had sex outside of the relationship. She almost told him to go fuck himself right there. Ironically, near the marriage date she found chats his fiance had with another woman, he was planing on cheating on her. They talked thing out, she forgave him and got married. I asked her WTF she was thinkig, but she said she loved him...
Over the years of closeness, trust and mutual support, we developed atraction we both adknowledged to eachother but we both knew nothing would happen because she was married. Just to give you an example, she once told me that if she wasnt married we would have been having sex from long ago (wierd to translate from spanish), and I told her that the only thing stopping me is that she respected her marriage. This kind pull and push went on every once in a while for years. We both knew nothing would happen but we liked having someone that made us feel sexually desired, as her relationship was as sexless as before the marriage, and my dating life sucked big time.
Arround year and a half ago, she gave her husband an ultimatum and he finally went to an endocrinologist and a therapist, and after some time their sexual life improved. This went fine for arround a year until her father in law passed away, and their sex life plummeted again.
In our last meetups she told me her husband screwed up again, she found he had a collection of pictures he took from a coworkers IG profile and pictures from other women, which he looked before having sex with her to arouse and prepare himself for the act. When she confronted him, he said he was going to try to improve, but a month passed and he was caught again looking at other womens pic. He said to her that his psychologist told him he wasnt hurting anyone by doing this, as it wasnt cheating.
He said he wanted to do a clean slate, try from the begining again and she also said she had something to confess. A year after the wedding, she took some singing lessons (she sings preety well) and there was a classmate that didnt gave a fuck she was married, she hadnt had sex in months, found someone who was agresive in his aproach, lusted for her and caved in. She told me about the guy when this happened, but she lied to me and said that "it took a lot of willpower and self restraint not to cheat".
Now, here is the problem:
I never expected her to dump her BF/husband for me because that is a recipe for failure and being replaced on the same way the previous guy was. And while I stated I was interested I never pushed to far because of her morals (christian practicing woman who believed in marriage and loyalty AFAIK then). I have to admit than I if she dumped him I would have taken my chance because she is everything I want in a woman (except for the cheating part), she actually raised the standard of what I would like in a long term partner.
But it really pissed me off than the moment she decides to take the risk to set her life on fire, she does it with a random guy, and that the excuse she gave me is that she valued our friendship and would have caused her a lot of pain if her husband found out and she couldnt see me again, she didnt sleep with me because she valued me. What kind of twisted, emotionally manipulative way ot thinking is that???
I honestly feel used for the validation her husband didnt gave her for years, and a part of me wants to tell her to fuck off and never talk to her again. Another part of me sees a great friend in her, and it would hurt me dearly not having her in my life. This confession changed the way I see her, there is no going back from that. I can accept being second to her husband, but not to a random stranger (one who didnt gave a fuck about her values and pushed until he got into her pants).
I have to be honest too, and in these eight years my dating life was a dissaster, I never dated much, I tried for a month or two, then dropped the towel for months on a never ending cycle with longer hiatus each time. Dating allmost always lead nowhere for me, I only had sex with two women in all that time, I would have loved a LTR but it never happened for me. So, having someone that found me atractive as a person and as a man made me feel a bit valued.
TLDR: I have feelings for a married friend, she said she is atracted to me too. It never lead somewhere because we both knew our place. She cheated on her husband with a random guy and told me she didnt cheat on him with me because she valued me.

Hello there everyone. I had a couple shots and I'm stoned and im feeling social and would like to get to know some of you wonderful people on reddit
I am in need of friends men and women and everyone in between or if youre an alien thats cool too. The point is, I dont have many friends and I feel like the ones I do are slowly starting to fall out with me so I really want to make some friends online.
I want to get to know you through conversation, I tend to ask a lot of questions because I'm a curious person so if you like talking about yourself then im all for it! Im also an open book so go ahead and ask any questions you'd like.
About me: i am 24 and I live in the western US, I am a Virgo and my personality type is ISTP. My favorite genre of music is metal but I like mostly everything and I am always open to new music so if you have a recommendation or got a song stuck in your head please send it to me! Id love to listen. I play video games as of lately I've been playing a lot of tarkov, warno, dinkum and a few other games. I play on pc if you ever want to play something! Lastly im Hispanic and I speak Spanish so if you speak Spanish as well say Hola!
Hope to hear from someone (:

Need a teacher
So i am completely new to this scene. I have always thought being a girl is the most beautiful thing, but i have never been comfortable or confident enough to begin. For starters, i am 26. I only weigh 150 pounds and stand 5”9, so i have a relatively feminine frame. Not to mention i have dainty arms/ wrists, and pretty nice legs.
I am straight, but have always thought being s girl would be amazing. I think everything about being a girl is so cute. They look amazing, get to act silly and beautiful.
I want to start subtly begin getting into femdom/ crossdressing. Id anyone wants to dm me, i am so appreciative and open to any advice on how to start. I am living on my own, and have 2-3 days a week by myself. I would love to begin a makeup routine, buy wigs, clothes and costumes but dont know best where to work.
Again, i dont mean to insult anyone but i am a little nervous about this so all input is so greatly appreciated. Thank you guys soooo much<333

okay so here's the thing, I've been dating this guy for about a year now, and lately I've been feeling like he's just... not understanding me at all. I mean, I get that relationships are hard work and all, but is it too much to ask for a little bit of empathy and support?
we both have demanding jobs and by the time we get home, we're both exhausted. but somehow, i always end up being the one who has to do the cooking, cleaning, and other household chores. he just plops down on the couch and plays video games or watches tv. i tried talking to him about it and he said he’s tired too and needs to unwind. but like, don't i also deserve to unwind? it's not like my job is any less stressful.
the other day, i came home super late from work because i had to stay for an extra meeting. i was really hoping he'd have started dinner or at least thought about it, but nope. the kitchen was a mess from the night before and he was sitting there playing his stupid game. when i asked him about dinner, he got all defensive and said i was nagging. seriously, nagging? because i asked about dinner?
and it’s not just the chores. it feels like he never listens to me. i try to talk to him about my day or things that matter to me, and he’s always so distracted, either on his phone or the computer. i just want to feel heard, you know? like what i say and feel actually matters.
then there's the intimacy thing. it feels like he's only affectionate when he wants sex. i'm not saying that i don’t enjoy being close, but sometimes i just want to cuddle or talk or just feel connected without it leading to something more. but whenever i try to initiate that kind of intimacy, he brushes me off or makes it sexual. it makes me feel like that's all he sees me as.
i’ve been contemplating whether this is something worth continuing. i love him, but i’m not sure if love is enough when it feels so one-sided. has anyone else dealt with something similar? how did you handle it? is there a way to make him understand without coming off as nagging or overbearing? i’m just really lost right now and could use some advice.

Hello there everyone. I had a couple shots and I'm stoned and im feeling social and would like to get to know some of you wonderful people on reddit
I am in need of friends men and women and everyone in between or if youre an alien thats cool too. The point is, I dont have many friends and I feel like the ones I do are slowly starting to fall out with me so I really want to make some friends online.
I want to get to know you through conversation, I tend to ask a lot of questions because I'm a curious person so if you like talking about yourself then im all for it! Im also an open book so go ahead and ask any questions you'd like.
About me: i am 24 and I live in the western US, I am a Virgo and my personality type is ISTP. My favorite genre of music is metal but I like mostly everything and I am always open to new music so if you have a recommendation or got a song stuck in your head please send it to me! Id love to listen. I play video games as of lately I've been playing a lot of tarkov, warno, dinkum and a few other games. I play on pc if you ever want to play something! Lastly im Hispanic and I speak Spanish so if you speak Spanish as well say Hola!
Hope to hear from someone (: