Hey, I’m in need of advice. I usually don’t turn to Reddit, but I’m desperate, now.
My current boyfriend and I have been together 4 years this coming 20th of October.
When I graduated in 2022, we moved into an apartment together, where I did everything- all the cleaning and taking care of the cats, most of the cooking. I paid the deposit of $2,000 for the apartment by myself using my personal savings. I furnished the apartment. I felt and still feel unappreciated. Living in this apartment lasted a month due to the constant fighting. I just gave up the lease/deposit in lieu of being evicted.
Something happened before the events of the apartment that I will never forget. My boyfriend claims to not remember, but I remember it as clear as day. For about six months, my boyfriend was practically homeless (as his mother wouldn’t let him stay with him). We made the mistake of letting him live with us in a federal apartment complex. I remember one night when we got into an extremely heated fight. He told me he was going outside to take a breath or whatever, so I locked the door behind him as I felt unsafe. He called his mom and told her that we “locked him out and wouldn’t let him back in,” and that he needed to get back inside in order to get his money. Long story short, he had his money on him while outside. To this day I’m not sure what his intention was.
He ended up moving to an apartment that was in the city I currently live in. The apartment was never clean. He didn’t believe in mopping or throwing things away immediately. His roommate was an 🫏. I did a lot for him, then, too. I convinced my brother to help him move out when he got evicted. I also cleaned regularly.
In February, I worked at my local Walmart. While at work, we got into a fight. After it escalated, he told me he asked a girl out on a date for Valentine’s Day. Fast forward a fight that lasted a couple days, we ended up making up for the 100th time. When I brought it up, he just said he thought she was hot and was trying to move on (like I did briefly for a month. Long story.) I feel like he tried using her to manipulate me into staying.
Fast forward to today, I realize that I tolerate a lot of bull💩. He lives in an apartment with two roommates who don’t pick up after themselves, and clean maybe once a week, if they feel like it. Imagine the start of a hoarder house-that would be the apartment. He has a ferret who drives me insane. She wakes me up at midnight most nights by biting my feet. Not to mention, he also drives me insane. He blurts out random noises that I thought was cute at first. He doesn’t wash his hands after he 💩s, and only recently has begun to shower regularly. He doesn’t brush his teeth with water. His clothes always smell horrible because the unit doesn’t have a washedryer hookup. Overall, he just acts like a child who was never told “no,” and is just an adult who doesn’t have his shit together and probably never will. He’s 20 but acts 15. He once told me he “never wants to grow up,” and I’m starting to believe it.
I know what you’re all thinking at this point: why are you still with this guy??? Well, for starters, like all nem he isn’t 100 percent bad. He has his moments where he is incredibly sweet and considerate. I feel like he understands me, and whatever. But lately I’ve been feeling detached from him. We went from being intimate nearly every day to maybe once or twice every four days. He said his libido isn’t the same, and that he’s bored of xes. I think he is just bored of me.
To be honest, I’m afraid of what he’d do. In the past when we’ve broken up, he made alternate phone numbers to constantly call and harass me on multiple occasions.
So…
Today at around 12, I’m going to my first ever Pride. A huge part of me wants to meet a girl and flirt with her for the hell of it (I’ve been questioning if I am gay. Also a long story.) I’m going with a friend who has her 💩 together: realistic goals, a promising future, a great personality, etc. I have known her from middle school to freshman year, until we slowly drifted apart. We recently reconnected. I have had a crush on her for the longest time. She STILL gives me butterflies, even after all these years. So girlies, my question is…should I take my shot with her or someone else? Should I dump my boyfriend? If so, how should I go about it?

(My boyfriend M/23 and I F/20 have been together for 2 years) So, first off, my father is gay. This was disclosed to my bf before we even started dating and it was made very clear how much I care for him and would not tolerate homophobia. He was indifferent to it and loved my dad when he met him. But lately I’ve noticed he will literally visibly cringe and make a face when my father and his HUSBAND are even slightly affectionate towards each other. Even when we watch movies and there’s like a gay couple doing anything a straight couple would he does the same and will fast forward. It’s always been a normal part of my life, even before my father came out, so I found this to be very odd behavior. It got to the point after a few times this happened I got weirded out and asked him what was going on. He said after reading the Bible he thinks gay people are unnatural and sinful. Once I got over my pure shock I challenged his logic and we began to fight. Then he brought up abortions in the same argument. How he believes it’s murder. This, also, WAS TALKED ABOUT MULTIPLE TIMES before we got together and ever had sex. I do not want kids right now. I am 20 years old. I take all the necessary precautions, (birth control, condoms, and if needed plan b) but we talked about the what if and I made it VERY clear I do not want a baby. He had said he agreed that he didn’t either and it was my choice. But all of a sudden this man I love with all my heart is sitting in front of me on our couch in our living room telling me how he thinks I would be, essentially, a monster and that my family is going to rot in hell. After the argument ended I just went to sleep in the bed, alone. We’ve had several since then, and I feel scared to have sex with him after his sudden change in opinion. He tries to reassure me it’s still my choice and it won’t change how he feels about me. But I’m having trouble trusting that. I’m terrified of the very slim chance that I might get pregnant and I will be trapped. He also apologizes when we argue about the weird sudden homophobia and actually has chilled out a bit with it but still… I know we’re young and bound to change, I just didn’t expect him to change this way. I’m having trouble trusting him sexually and emotionally. So much so that I am beginning to question our future, and AITA for doing so?

I don’t know why I’m so weak. I can’t go fully no contact with my whole family yet because I am dependent on them for health insurance right now (I’m 21 and can’t get my jobs for over a year, thanks America). I blocked my Dad a little odd than two months ago because I couldn’t take it anymore but I ended up unblocking him because my EMom guilted me into it after I asked if I could take her out for her birthday and Mother’s Day instead of joining the family. He was giving me the silent treatment at first after I sent him a text saying clearly that I would not allow any more bullshit mind games etc instead of just correcting his behavior and being a Dad, but that wasn’t very surprising. I saw him at my sisters graduation at a stadium full of other families and he was all of a sudden super dad and all over me and sooo interested in college even though he didn’t give a fuck about it until I begged him for the third time to pretend he cared (I’ve struggled for years with mental health and addiction and worked really hard to get to this point and he literally tried to make it harder for me to go by refusing to give his required info for my student loans for a month). He has done so much fucked up shit to me and has fucked my mental health completely over the years. I have such a low self esteem and constantly doubt my reality and feelings. I started to feel bad for him and let my guard down a bit after my sisters graduation and responded with hearts when he said it was good to see me. This Friday I was thinking about how I want to find a better job because I do pizza delivery right now and I want to find something like a psych hospital job to give me experience since I’m studying Psychology and want to get a job when I graduate. He hates me doing pizza delivery and tormented me when I was doing Uber Eats by calling me constantly telling me to not do it and trying to scare me about how bad it was for my car no matter how many times I told him to stop. I have stopped putting up with the bullshit since November and that was one thing I got him to stop doing, he put his focus onto other ways of making me crazy and trying to feel powerful. But I had this thought that I should ask him if he knows anyone who would hire me and I texted him telling him I didn’t want to do pizza delivery anymore and listed some of the reasons he said it’s bad, honestly because I just wanted validation and to make him feel good that I listened to him. I literally laughed out loud at the narcissism in his response, he just went “makes sense!”, didn’t address me asking about if he knows anyone, and then started talking about how he’s at the gym getting swole and no ones there blah blah blah me me me. He said he misses me and I was still wanting some validation I guess because I told him I could come see him soon and he suggested dinner and I agreed. It’s 4am, I just worked a closing shift at work and I’m just thinking about how I have to spend my one off day getting dinner with him and I feel so disappointed in myself for just folding like that and trying to make him happy and feel special even though it fucks with me to just be in his presence. I will feel so insanely guilty if I cancel and I just can’t get myself to do it. I guess this is just a vent and I also would appreciate any insight or advice about how to break out of the way I am programmed to cater to him and make him feel important and loved while accepting being neglected as if that’s what I deserve. I feel like I have to make it better with him for blocking him yet I blocked him because he’s abusive and did him a favor by unblocking him and he hasn’t even owned any of his actions or apologized at all. Why do I care so fucking much about what he thinks and if he’s ok emotionally when I am fully aware he is a narcissist? I am going to try to limit the amount I share tomorrow and honestly my goal is to just make him feel cared about so that I can feel less guilt and anxiety about him feeling abandoned by me. Typing this out I realize it’s so twisted and I don’t know why I’m not staying true to myself and my needs.

My bf and I have been together for a year and a half. When we first got together we were having sex a couple times a week even though I’m not that into penetration. I still did it for the sake of the relationship. 6 months in, I went through my bf’s phone and found out he is positive. He told me he was going to off himself and I fell for it so I stayed. From that point on we’ve had sex maybe 4 times in the last 8 months. He would never ask for it and I was perfectly fine with that.
Yesterday he finally asked me why we don’t have sex and why I don’t initiate. I’m scared to tell him it’s because I’m deeply scared of contracting hiv. He stays on top of his medication and I take prep religiously. Even after this, I still don’t crave sex with him at all. Part of it is the fact that he lied to me for months and probably was never going to tell me.
The problem is I know I will never want sex with him, but we live together. I know I need to end things but it’s so hard especially because I feel bad for him in other aspects.
How do I end this?

I am back after a break with another reimagining, and I thought this time I would tackle another movie that fell disappointingly short of expectations... Sarkar. Sarkar released to huge expectations after the success of both Thuppakki and Kaththi, but the film failed to deliver on its promise of a Mudhalvan-like political fantasy; I have to admit though, the movie is a guilty pleasure of mine which I do often revisit. That being said:
WARNING: I am not claiming to be a better writer than any of the people involved in the film and this is not a criticism of their ability.
The movie begins with a boarding meeting at one of the companies in Canada that GL (Sundar's company) is about to acquire. The members of the board nervously waiting for the arrival of their new boss, the media is waiting outside and we get the hype up for Sundar's eventual mass intro. After a build a of tension, a Rolls Royce pulls up and the camera follows as a man wearing pair of Tom Ford shoes exits the vehicle and walks into the elevator in the building as the media tries to snap some pics of him. The members of the board continue to wait impatiently, as the elevator doors open to reveal Sundar Ramaswamy (Vijay). He basically walks in doesn't say a word and sits at the head of the table. Sundar's lawyer drops the paperwork on the table, each member of the board takes their turn signing the document. Finally the document comes back to Sundar who flicks his signature onto it and gets up to leave, but one of the board members stops him to ask, "How do you feel after ruining the livelihood of 3,000 employees?". Sundar turns around and smiles at the board before doing the signature 'Vijay gum flick' and walking away in slow motion, queue the 'CEO in the House' song as Sundar heads out to celebrate acquiring the company. The scene is to establish Sundar as a proper overconfident and cocky 'corporate monster' instead of just telling us that he is a 'corporate monster'.
From there the movie continues pretty similarly with Sundar coming back to India to cast his vote, even though he takes his job very seriously he is still a patriot at heart and has a soft corner for his people. Same as the movie, someone else casts his vote and he begins organising lawyers meetings and press conference to get his vote back. All goes pretty much the same until the point Sundar's driver tells him about the atrocities done by the government and the family that set themselves on fire, Sundar is genuinely quite unaware of all this. Similar to the movie, he directs his convoy to go to the colony where the little girl is. Unlike the movie, we have one long take where the camera follows Sundar from behind as he gets out his car and walks through the local area, through the alleys and slums, observing the common folk; this is to show how out-of-touch he really is with reality. He finally comes to the little girl's house, and the camera finally pans to reveal Sundar's somber face; this scene is crucial as this paints his actions for the rest of the movie, it is important that we spend time showing how this incident impacts him. Unable to look at the girl's burnt face Sundar turns around and walks away, he signals his PA to sort the family out with treatment for the little girl.
From here, we go to the scene with Rendu (Radha Ravi) at the hotel; this will go pretty much exactly how it did in the movie. The only difference here is, going into the hotel Sundar is slightly solemn, but his expression slowly changes with Rendu's speech and we get the scene with the 'Topu Tuckeru' BGM as Sundar smokes. The following events also unravel similar to the film with the action block and the 'Simtaangaran song'; these are commercial filler compromises that must be made, its also a staple of the ARM-Vijay combo movies. The following scene is also similar with Sundar instigating the court case to stop Masilamani's inauguration, the key difference though is that Sundar doesn't speak in the court he silently watches from the stands as his lawyer does the arguing. Once the ceremony is stopped, he gets up, does the 'Vijay gum flick' and walks away in slow motion with the 'CEO in the House' BGM; this mirrors the opening scene where Sundar finesses the board room, but this time he's finessed the government. The election is postponed by 10 days.
Meanwhile, Masilamani is furious by what Sundar started, he encourages his party members to start rioting and to find where Sundar is. The riots go on for 2 days, but there is no sign of Sundar anywhere. Masilamani grows impatient and starts seeking advice from Pappa (Varalaxmi), who says that they shouldn't have tried instigated or started beef with him in the first place, saying that she will be back in Chennai within the next day or so. While this is happening, media crews have gathered outside Masilamani's house which confuses him. Rendu goes outside and asks them why they are here, for which they respond: 'Sundar told us to meet him here'. Both Rendu and Masilamani are shocked. Suddenly a convoy of youngsters on bikes arrive with a Rolls Royce travelling at the centre of the party. Sundar gets out of the Rolls Royce and he is followed by his lawyers. Sundar asks for permission to enter, for which Masilamani obliges. The two sit down and face each other, with Masilamani asking what Sundar wants. Sundar responds with this:

1. "I've got 750 youngsters who are ready to work for this party."
2. "I've got 40 crores in hard cash."
3. "I've got the tag of GL CEO."
4. "Will you let me join your party?"

Masilamani and his partymen are shocked, he asks Sundar 'Why should I let you?". Sundar basically responds by saying:

"Your party's image is in shambles, even if you pay people to vote for you, they won't do it. You're guaranteed to lose this election and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm here to offer you the winning card, I will do everything to ensure your party retains. All I ask for is 70cr in campaigning funds and that you give me 2 MLA seats and take in the 750 youngsters that I have brought as party members. If your party loses, I will pay you twice what you paid me as a penalty but regardless of the outcome you can't raise this to the media or I will sue your ass. If you agree, sign the contract. You can let your lawyers read over it, but you have nothing to lose."

Masilamani is shocked by this offer and looks over the contract, he doesn't know how to read so he passes it to his lawyer who verifies it and says that it's legit. Rendu proposes that they wait for Pappa before signing, but Sundar says "if you don't accept this within the next 1 hour, I will take it to the opposition party". Masilamani is properly checkmated now, but what could he possible have to lose? He smiles and signs it, Sundar smiles and shakes his hand. Sundar walks out with a cigarette in-hand, the 'Oru Viral Puratchi' guitar rift rolls in the background.
INTERMISSION
Going into the second half, we have a few questions:

• Why did Sundar join Masilamani's party if they are the losing side?
• Where was Sundar in the two days during the riots?
• How did Sundar get the backing of all these youngsters?
• How does Sundar plan on making the party win and how does this benefit him?

NOTE: I completely ignored Keerthi Suresh's character as it added nothing to my story.
With 8 days left till the election Sundar sits in his office, he calls his team and GL and tells them to run the ads of him giving the post press conference speech after getting back his vote (as he does in the movie). This creates waves in the media and makes him the poster boy for the coming election. He tells his PA not to organise any press conferences until he says so. Sundar has booked out a small venue where he will be speaking to the 750 youngsters that he has inaugurated into the party, this is where he finally reveals what happened in the last 2 days. We get a flashback and it is revealed that he ultimately did the same as what happened in the movie; to run an internet scan on all the most suitable candidates of each constituency and run interviews like a corporate company (I really like the idea of this), he positions the people he selected as independant candidates in their respective constituency. Sundar has been planning this since the scene with Rendu at the hotel; this all plays as a montage over the first half of 'Oru Viral Puratchi'. After the song we cut back to this speech with Sundar and the youth, where he basically says we are going to infiltrate this party from the inside and then he says the 'branding' dialogue from the movie (which I like the idea of, the mannerism was kinda cringe though).
Following the speech, Sundar enacts his next plan. He identifies Masilamani's candidates who are most likely to win in their respective area and launches a smear campaign through his influence over GL. This forces Masilamani to identify alternate party members to take their place, but Sundar presents Masilamani with the constituency polling data which shows that the independant candidates (that he selected based on the internet scan) are in the lead. Sundar suggests to Masilamani that they buy them out with a salary (also like corporate company), however Masilamani doesn't know that these individuals were planted by Sundar. Masilamani is beginning to get suspicious about Sundar's plan but he still hasn't fully sniffed it out yet given his lack of understanding about technology.
Pappa finally arrives in Chennai from Canada and confronts her dad about everything that has happened, she is shocked to find out that he has basically sold the party to Sundar. She is quickly able to deduce Sundar's plan based on the information given by her dad and Rendu. Pappa also reveals here that her husband was one of the board members from the start of the movie, which explains why she knows so much about Sundar.
Given that Sundar now controls most of the seats in the party, he begins his campaign from the background with candidates doing most of the work ; this plays over the second half of the 'Oru Viral Puratchi' song. As soon as this montage finishes, we find out that Masilamani has died. A confusion has now arisen as to who controls the party, with only 3 days left until the election. Pappa gives an angry press conference saying that Sundar had cheated her dad and stole the party, revealing the contract to the public. She also announces that she and her father's loyal supporters will be joining the opposition party. Based on the sympathy votes gained from her father's death the opposition offers Pappa a significant number of seats. Sundar is shocked to see what has happened, he won't be able to sue Pappa as Masilamani was the one that signed the contract (not sure about legal terms, but lets just go with it), suing her will also only get him more negative press.
Sundar gets a call from the GL board questioning him about his extensive involvement in politics given the bad press around his contract stunt. Cut to the next scene, Sundar is in a press conference and publicly announces his resignation from GL as he is about to leave the stage, he is heckled by one of the reporters on his way down. Sundar has to give up his company assets such as his PA and bodyguards, if he loses this election he still owes Masilamani's family 140crs as per the contract that he signed. For the first time in Sundar's life, overconfidence has led to his downfall. With two days left till the election and no internet influence and power, how is Sundar going to win?
The next day he posts a Facebook live and addresses his plan transparently with the party, this can be the same as the 'Idhu Namma Sarkar' scene from the movie. Sundar explains how he chose his candidates and compares it to the millions of college graduates who get a corporate job, highlighting the need for the government to be qualified. This gets some positive buzz for Sundar but not enough to win the election. As Sundar sits in his office, hopelessly, one of his candidates tells him about 'Saatai' Muthukumar (this plotline will be the same as the movie); this could be the ideal trump card to win the election. This ticks of an idea, given that all Masilamani's loyalists have moved to the opposition along with Pappa all the party assets now reside with Sundar. He hires a corporate auditing team to unpack all the party records and finds all the holes in there records this allows him to unpack the 'Saatai' Muthukumar conspiracy and he has all the evidence ready to go public... but he waits. Sundar contacts Pappa for a meeting and the two sit down, with lawyers present. Sundar reveals everything that he has found from his audit of the party and threatens to go public with it unless she voids their contract where he owes her family 140cr, he also agrees to sign an NDA. Pappa obliges and asks him to burn the evidence in front of her, which Sundar does. On the car ride home, Pappa orders for Sundar to be murdered as she doesn't trust him.
The next morning is the day of the election, similar to the actual movie Sundar begins tweeting from a fake twitter handle about the evidence pulled from the audit, leading the media on a wild easter egg hunt to put the evidence together themselves, this removes any paper trails that lead back to Sundar. Pappa and the opposition party struggle to manage the storm that has been caused by the tweeting, she knows this was done by Sundar but has no evidence to prove it; the only way for her save face is if Sundar confesses to his manipulation for which he needs to be alive, so she cancels the hit on him. It is soon revealed, similar to the movie that the fake twitter handle is associated with that of a dead man, begging the question of who is tweeting? Sundar and his team re-route the IP address of the tweets to the leader of the opposition party and spin the narrative that he did this to tarnish Masilamani's reputation as a leader, which leads to in-fighting. Pappa is furious, as although she knows the truth about Sundar's access to the evidence, she can't speak about it due to the NDA (which would open her up to being sued). With no other option, she plots to have Sundar killed, as it looks like he is going to win. We can insert an obligatory climax fight here, where Sundar overcomes the odds but realising an opportunity, he fakes his own death which increases the votes to his party, leading to a victory in the election.
The following day is the swearing-in ceremony as all the candidates take up their positions. Pappa is also present and she along with everyone else believes Sundar is dead. Just as the first candidate is swearing-in, Sundar arrives and sits right next to Pappa, there is a media frenzy happening outside. There is a small bit of dialog between the two and he explains why he did all this (i.e. reference back to the girl who was burnt outside the collecter's office, etc). He finally tells her that the contract he signed with her father was only for 8 days, so his time has expired and he is no longer part of the party. Sundar gets up and walks away in slow motion as the credit roll.
This is my reimagining of Sarkar, what are your thoughts and what would you do differently? And what movie should I do next?

I’ve known this guy since last year of September at my job. I know he has a 7 yr old daughter and isn’t with his BM. But we’ve been talking as friends and flirting with him got him to flirt with me back but we don’t really hang out outside of work, just here and there but we do text a lot like almost every day. I feel like he doesn’t know how to pursue a girl or take her out on a date. We gift each other drinks at work and we recently went out to a car event. We haven’t kissed or anything but when I dont talk to him at work, he be texting me why am I not saying hi or if im going to ignore him today, but we still end up talking. I kissed him on the cheek when he dropped me off after the event. But that’s it. I’m not sure if he’s just not going to make a move sometime soon or he’s just not ready to date someone after his last relationship but it’s been a good while he’s been single. I’ve been single for a year but I’m just wondering if I should just keep it as friends with him.

M27/ F28. after 4 years he broke up with me to work on himself, even tho he says he loves me and wants to be with me but he can’t.. after much reflecting, I understand I need to move on because I shouldn’t wait around. but I have trouble going no contact because over the last 4 years I have grown close to his grandmother and I help take care of her. I am a medical professional and I have been her advocate with her medical needs, self care /hygiene/ exercise, calling her and seeing her at least weekly , sometimes daily to see how she’s doing. she is disabled and is neglected by the family, not enough evidence to report and grandma is not willing anyway.. but enough neglect to cause me and my ex concern, but my ex is also not dedicated enough to calling and checking on her as much as I am. So I worry about her and I have a really hard time leaving that caregiver role in her life. she has told me herself she doesn’t want to lose me after the breakup and that she appreciates my presence in her life and that I have done more for her than her own family. I have tried to tell my ex to take over the role but I know him well enough to know he wouldn’t do it as I would. . He loves her dearly and is a doting grandson but struggles with his own mental health to take on such a dedicated role at this time, and he has relied on me to bridge the gap. So I feel compelled to stay in their lives. And this means seeing my ex and spending time with him brings confusing feelings because we love each other and want to be together but “can’t right now”. . I know I should just move on.. but this grandmother situation is a barrier I can’t seem to break. The break up is hard enough to handle as it is losing my best friend/bf.. How do I even handle cutting contact with him and his grandmother without feeling guilty because I know once I stop checking on her, her health may decline physically and mentally..

Remember the thrill of unwrapping a brand new PS1 game and flipping through the manual? Those manuals weren't just there to explain the controls; they were portals to another world, filled with backstory, character art and detailed lore that made the game universe come alive!"
 
Imagine having high-quality scans for EVERY PS1 game manual! K1rkl4nd, a true hero of the retro gaming community, is almost there, having tackled the manuals for SNES, PS2, and venturing into ATARI 7800, Gameboy, Gameboy Color, GameBoy Advance and XBOX 360! But the final stretch is tough. Only 125 PS1 manuals remain, and many are becoming super expensive.
 
We need your help to cross the finish line and preserve this important piece of gaming history!

Here's what you can do:

• Check Your PS1 Collection! Do you have any manuals for games that belong to these categories: missing (yellow), poor (blue), no cover (orange)
• Send Your Manuals for Scanning! You'll get your manuals back after they're scanned
• Donate Manuals!
• Upvote & Share! Let's Get This Post Seen!

 
Let's Finish This Together!
 
Anyone can personally follow the progress here: Playstation 1 Progress Report
 

Current status: (as of 6/1/2024)

Manual Count	Status
732	in-hand manuals
129	loaned/leased for scanning - hi-res
86	from online sources - good
88	in-hand manuals - no cover
122	from online sources - poor
125	missing

 

How to Scan:

• Recommended: Pop the staples and scan at 600DPI. Higher DPI is welcome!
• Scanner only supports 400DPI? Scan it anyway if you have manuals from missing, poor quality, or no cover categories.

 

Do you have anything to share? Contact K1rkl4nd via PM or email: jgrimm (at) atensionspan (dot) com

 
Links to K1rkl4nd's domain: http://www.videogamemanual.com/
 
Initial plea for assistance from K1rkl4nd: https://www.reddit.com/psx/comments/y7cwed/playstation_manuals/
 
Note: Scanning manuals is a time-consuming task, and editing them post-scan is necessary. Even after gathering all the manuals, processing and publishing them will take some time. The plan is to release all the scans simultaneously for a complete and organized archive. The primary goal of the collection is to gather manuals for NTSC games, with a secondary goal of collecting manuals for games not released in the NTSC region.
 
K1rkl4nd's collection stands as a testament to dedication and passion, encompassing all well-known manuals that are freely available online. This monumental effort has spanned 25 years, highlighting his unwavering commitment to preserving gaming history. While numerous collectors have emerged over the years with intentions to scan and publish their collections, all of these initiatives have unfortunately faded away.
 
^{In rare cases, K1rkl4nd might potentially accept financial donations for the purpose of acquiring the missing manuals. Personally, I consider it important to mention this information; however, K1rkl4nd has never publicly solicited financial donations, nor will he organize a public fundraising campaign for this purpose. The goal of this post is to bring attention to this project and reach out to collectors who own these games and are willing to share their manuals.}
 

Missing manuals	Loaned/leased for scanning - hi-res	In-hand manuals - no cover
Adidas Power Soccer ’98	Ace Combat 2	Alien Resurrection
Adventures of Lomax, The	Alien Trilogy	Ape Escape
Alone in The Dark: One-Eyed Jack’s Revenge	Aquanaut’s Holiday	Army Men: Sarge’s Heroes
Armored Core: Master of Arena	Arc the Lad Collection	Army Men: World War – Land * Sea * Air
Armored Core: Project Phantasma	Armored Core	Army Men: World War – Team Assault
Assault Rigs	Army Men: World War – Final Front	BassRise
Baldies	A-Train	Big Ol’ Bass 2
Barbie: Explorer	Auto Destruct	Black Bass with Blue Marlin
Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker	Bases Loaded ’96: Double Header	Blade
Batman Forever: The Arcade Game	Batman & Robin	Bomberman Party Edition
Battle Arena Toshinden 3	BattleTanx: Global Assault	Bust-a-Move ’99
Bear in the Big Blue House: Ojo’s Birthday	Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain	Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX
Blockids	Bloody Roar 2: The New Breed	Destruction Derby Raw
Board Game: Top Shop	Bomberman Fantasy Race	Digimon Digital Card Battle
Bottom of the 9th ’97	Bratz	Digimon Rumble Arena
Broken Sword II: The Smoking Mirror	Broken Helix	Digimon World
Brunswick Circuit Pro Bowling 2	Broken Sword: The Shadow of the Templars	Digimon World 2
Bug Riders: The Race of Kings	Bugs Bunny: Lost in Time	Digimon World 3
Bust-a-Groove 2	Bushido Blade	Dino Crisis
C: The Contra Adventure	Bushido Blade 2	Disney’s / Pixar’s Toy Story Racer
Capcom vs. SNK Pro	Bust-a-Groove	Disney’s Donald Duck Goin’ Quackers
Carnage Heart	Castlevania Chronicles	Disney’s Tarzan
City of Lost Children, The	Chicken Run	Disney’s The Jungle Book: Rhythm ‘n Groove
Crow: City of Angels, The	Codename: Tenka	Disney’s World Quest: Magical Tour Racing
Crusader: No Remorse	Colony Wars	Dracula: The Resurrection
Cybersled	Countdown Vampires	Dragon Ball Z: Ultimate Battle 22
Cyberspeed	Crypt Killer	Duke Nukem: Land of the Babes
D	Descent	Dune 2000
Dance Dance Revolution: Disney Mix	Destrega	ECW Anarchy Rulz!
Danger Girl	Devil Dice	ECW Hardcore Revolution
Darklight Conflict	Diablo	Eliminator
Discworld II: Morality Bites	Disney’s / Pixar’s Buzz Lightyear of Star…	ESPN MLS Gamenight 2000
Discworld, Terry Prachett’s	Disney’s Lilo & Stitch	Fantastic Four
Disney’s 102 Dalmatians: Puppies to the Rescue	Disney’s My Disney Kitchen	Fatal Fury: Wild Ambition
Disney’s Peter Pan in Return to Neverland	Dragon Seeds	Felony 11-79
Disney’s The Lion King: Simba’s Mighty Adv.	DragonHeart: Fire & Steel	Fox Sports NBA Basketball 2000
Disney’s Winnie the Pooh Preschool	Evil Dead: Hail to the King	Gex 3: Deep Cover Gecko
Divide, The: Enemies Within	Evil Zone	Gunfighter: The Legend of Jesse James
Dragon Ball GT: Final Bout	Excalibur 2555 A.D.	Harvest Moon: Back to Nature
Dragon Valor	FIFA Soccer 2004	Hydro Thunder
Easter Bunny’s Big Day	Fifth Element, The	Invasion from Beyond
Eggs of Steel	Future Cop L.A.P.D.	Jurassic Park: WarPath
Elemental Gearbolt	Galerians	Legend of Mana
Expendable	Gekido	Looney Tunes Sheep Raider
Extreme Go-Cart Racing	Goal Storm ’97	Mat Hoffman’s Pro BMX
F1 World Grand Prix 2000	Goofy’s Fun House	Medal of Honor: Underground
FIFA Soccer 2002	Grinch, The	Mega Man 8 (incl. Anniversary Ed.)
FIFA Soccer 2003	Hello Kitty’s Cube Frenzy	Men In Black The Series: Crashdown
Fisher Price Rescue Heroes: Molten Menace	Hexen: Beyond Heretic	Metal Slug X
Fox Hunt	Hi-Octane	Mort the Chicken
G Police: Weapons of Justice	Hogs of War	Mortal Kombat: Special Forces
Gekioh Shooting King	Hot Shots Golf 2	Ms. Pac-Man Maze Madness
Glover	Intelligent Qube	MTV Sports: Skateboarding Featuring Andy MacDonald
Goal Storm	International Superstar Soccer Pro ’98	MTV Sports: Snowboarding
Grand Theft Auto: The Director’s Cut	International Superstar Soccer Pro Evolution	Mummy, The
Gundam Battle Assault	Irritating Stick	Namco Museum Vol. 2 – A
Herc’s Adventure	Jersey Devil	NBA Hangtime
In the Hunt	JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure	NFL Blitz 2001
International Track & Field 2000	Jumping Flash! 2	Nicktoons Racing
Iron Man / X-O Manowar in Heavy Metal	Kensei: Sacred Fist	Pandemonium! 2
Johnny Bazookatone	Kingsley’s Adventure	Pocket Fighter
Jumping Flash!	Klonoa: Door to Phantomile	Rampage 2: Universal Tour
King of Fighters ’95, The	Land Before Time: Return to the Great Valley	Ray Tracers
King of Fighters ’99, The: Millennium Battle	Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver	Ready 2 Rumble Boxing: Round 2
Lego Island 2: The Brickster’s Revenge	Lunar 2: Eternal Blue	Rogue Trip: Vacation 2012
Lego Racers	Magic Carpet	Rollcage
Lethal Enforcers 1 & 2	Marvel vs. Capcom: Clash of Super Heroes	Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV
Lode Runner	MediEvil	Rugrats: Search for Reptar
Marvel Super Heroes	MediEvil II	Small Soldiers
Master of Monsters: Disciples of Gaia	Mega Man X4	South Park
Muppet Monster Adventure	Metal Gear Solid VR Missions	South Park Rally
Muppet Race Mania	Monkey Hero	Spawn: The Eternal
Namco Museum Vol. 4 – C	Mortal Kombat 4	Spice World
NASCAR Thunder 2004	Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero	Spider-Man 2: Enter Electro
NHL Open Ice: 2 on 2 Challenge	Mortal Kombat Trilogy	Spyro the Dragon
Novastorm	Motor Toon Grand Prix	Street Fighter Collection
Pajama Sam: You Are What You Eat	Mr. Driller	Street Fighter EX2 Plus
Philosoma	Namco Museum Vol. 5 – O	Stuart Little 2
Pink Panther: Pinkadelic Pursuit	NBA In the Zone 2000	Tom & Jerry in House Trap
Play with the Teletubbies	NBA Jam Tournament Edition	Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Lone Wolf
PO’ed	Nectaris: Military Madness	Torneko: The Last Hope
Point Blank 3	NHL Blades of Steel 2000	Transformers: Beast Wars
Power Move Pro Wrestling	Nightmare Creatures	Turbo Prop Racing
Power Slave	Point Blank 2	Twisted Metal 4
Powerpuff Girls: Chemical X-Traction	Power Rangers Zeo: Full Tilt Battle Pinball	Unholy War, The
Primal Rage	Power Rangers: Time Force	Urban Chaos
Project: Horned Owl	Poy Poy	WarGames: Defcon 1
Psychic Detective	Professional Underground: League of Pain	Xevious 3D/G+
Psychic Force	Raiden Project, The	X-Men vs. Street Fighter
Rascal Racers	Rayman 2: The Great Escape	X-Men: Children of the Atom
Rise 2: Resurrection	RayStorm
R-Types	RC Revenge
Rugrats: Totally Angelica	Resident Evil
Rush Hour	Resident Evil: Survivor
Shadow Tower	Return Fire
Silverload	Re-Volt
Skullmonkeys	Ridge Racer Type 4
Smurfs, The	Rising Zan: The Samurai Gunman
Sol Divide	Roadsters
Soul of the Samurai	Runabout 2
Space Griffon VF-9	Sentient
Space Hulk: Vengeance…	Shadow Man
Star Gladiator	Space Jam
Starblade Alpha	Speed Racer
Street Fighter Alpha 2	Street Fighter Alpha 3
Street Fighter Collection 2	Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo
Street Fighter: The Movie	Super Shot Soccer
Tail Concerto	Syndicate Wars
Tail of the Sun	Thousand Arms
Team Buddies	Threads of Fate
Team Losi: RC Racer	Time Crisis: Project Titan
Tennis Arena	Tiny Toons: Toonenstein – Dare to Scare
Tiger Woods PGA Tour Golf 2001	TOCA 2: Touring Car Championship
Tobal No. 1	Tomba!
Tomba! 2: The Evil Swine Return	Trick’n Snowboarder
Transformers: Beast Wars – TransMetals	Vampire Hunter D
Trap Gunner	Wayne Gretzky’s 3D Hockey ’98
Ultimate Brain Games	Wing Commander IV: The Price of Freedom
Viva Soccer	Wipeout 3
Vs.	X-Com: UFO Defense
War Gods	X-Files, The
Warhammer: Shadow of the Horned Rat	Yu-Gi-Oh! Forbidden Memories
Wu-Tang: Shaolin Style
XS Junior League Football
Zero Divide

1. IMSI Catcher is created by an individual so only references the news media of the person who created it the IMSI is not representative of actual events and is only the news appropriate version of events 1.1 Imsi may not exceed 3 hours 9 minutes in length so does not show extremely long events besides the 1st Yitvah of the Start for the 2nd Yitvah both of The Third Underworld were personally caught my my nice UAV IMSI which I was dead for the 1st yitvah therein for the events so would see my own corpse on it so it is not halal or verboten variously for me to see this IMSI but this is not my IMSI of the 0th Yitvah of the 3rd Underworld which I made and Tactical Kevin says sucks at least using the agoc to shoot bullets as eragon yo this is a 10 hour set of imsi, you know it is the 1st yitvah because it is not a 3 hour imsi bound but a 10 hour imsi bound and I only got my death as that 10 hour imsi always on the harddrive or EOD Juggernaut is what I traded that for, to survive 1.2 HD Imsi may not exceed 2 hours 15 minutes in length and this was generally what amelia refered to as er imsi was the HD Imsi or CD Imsi which youtube is imsi and self generated content is imsi and a imsi catcher takes in the self generated content and hosts it and made a reference of how the self generated content was made which colorado's longmont uav is hosted by myself violet and hake and she had never ever done this imsi for actual tactical imsi that is how you can tell the tactical imsi is good is it is 3 hours 9 minute and this was imsi sorry this is like a theorama of the situation or a roam the point mockup which I got those at my ruck War Resources all loam used there mainly the firebase but not all firebase actually a few of these loam trigger me for real so I did not include these specific loam which triggered true overlap and had stolen anything which looking into a hat and actually seeing things renders james smith a prophet like E and can steal things or maybe like Cecil Macgregor Senior or not Chelsea ever she is a marine but Technically if Demaris the Secretary did and that heals her I will say, also these exotic imsi of gnomish cercle are not referenced, they use the same method, but are a full sequence thus a blueprint sequence and actually happened, cercle as Chelsea has the exclusive loam to use the Apocalypto 01 Loam set which is totally different than Dragon Skin Overplate Armor (x) x to 40 for this legitimate and as an example of how imsi just is a loose concpetion of things for personell safety I have 29 example loam without the cook secret loam which is the Burned Ramen Squad Secret of their Tobasco vide 1.3 The squad hustles two which takes them into the place from their place they are using the battle buff, and each time if anybody is said to need to use the toilet they use it and they are at the mess always then and greet mcrystal and always get their trays each time and eat very quickly like dogs and are out to the PT Ground who until they are at ease in an operation are at PT and then they get into an APV and drive north to infinity complex where they pick up a hostage rather, somebody who is being treated a super special infinity ward experience by the owner of the coastal full ghillie of the ugandan extraction method of the good markus who former DBT yielded a yo gaba gaba in excess to charlotte blinding her so we had to make sure she is not hind targeted at a filled simulation yo gaba gaba by turning on dora the explorer for her by the three star doing that in the Second Underworld and then she goes back naturally to her room then making markus can see when he is there with them with normal roam the point vision with it on his website the roam the point game then that he is using on flash which roam the point has always been macromedia flash and their experience is as special as markus penis in the stew I make sure I am very quiet to them and that was just like pain to them when I heal them as corpus to the machine to their injury, there were a few there, Ryan, and City, and Aeta, and some Able, and the MP Abraham who was there, and Lucas with his nootropic EDS and horns on him and City SJS and saved them all these people were the first lights usage in 1994 and were breathing normal by definition and these were not ever my master able but a cain able of the outside por able and they were all evacuated with me when I was given EOD Juggernaut in the Third Underworld's 0th yitvah via a 1st yitvah glitch which ryan is meddling in the 2nd yitvah of the Third Underworld so this is promoted until she cums away her daddying with First Underworld which is by definition always in the 0th yitvah but I fucked with this with fire trying to purge ryan she is such a bad girl so gets it in her cervix to promote her loam but dilation it away which she knows dilatio as a charm I taught her as her 1-darappa, she has dilatio the ryan this happened while they were in the van and that was the vaccine morphine I gave them and I dont do IV man my viens are all collapsed so I gave them their whole shot and they are out of the van and into the tent and we are giving them the last of the surgery they ever need with Xrays flying out of the machine by megan and early on we would like take our boots off and hit the speedbag because we are giving the por daddy to rupert but then this clears up i dont tell them boots off faggots by that and I am owning the UH-1 and fly that bitch myself to the liberty missile defense carrier and take the air harness off her and teabagged my dummy the whole dang time over lee be danged i am a pilot medic and and she is on the missile carrier or also the other carrier which is there might bomb me if i overfly it with aegis missile defense carrier and fly me to the aegis and they are onboard and below decks and stable like usual and I get back on the UH-1 and I fly back home and I land real rough here once and think I have to swim it because hake had bad info but this is just some range limit requirement and the UH-1 respawns just once, and I flyed back at least to the coastline that time I meant and had no fuel, and they part and move it from the field I meant it is not in the drink and we do 1 hour Pt there and 1 hour Pt and we are off on ease doing whatever, banging lolas, talking ocho cinco the rest of the day and the rest of the day is generally when most of the no nock raids happen on the houses which the house is a hitler bunker we are fighting into which is right there and el sin nombres hitlers bunker and he is trucking to sword base north and I set up a frag stream in a private imsi over there of the Aeon Pistol with ammo beam, this gives infinite ammo to the aeon pistol which obliterates by definition every hitler jihadi of olafsen which comes out of the sword base bunker we are ratting to the north in fulfillment of the CS-Go range prophecy granting infinite jihadi men effectively for a real life CS-go range in the area and this is separate the main operation which does something 1.4 As we can see, the imsi even here just in a few kilobytes evokes the emotion and especially to the author has a specific signed meaning except if it was pizdet then it did not need the specific signed meaning but the encoded orgasm times of the orgasms user as per Steve Jobs who is not Steve my Doctor Nurse and Trainer of Nurses and A Great minecraft man my steve this indicates only one blessing, a priest fucking it up of the altar boys corpus over everything which the priest is like mo in the teaching of the islamic churches, ed ed and eddys jonnay of the planks as he pours oil blesses everything with a keyboard of corpus which that was his technique mo to bless everything with EQ8 and i always bless with EQ8 and i am also kalmskyan so conflicted so also have a keyboard of corpus not using MIDI but a literal army of chior boys distinct from reality in my omnisphere device generate all manner of music which they are paid typical gold of similar nature to what their grandma gives them for christmas but more so have a particular switcharoo that happens to them to remediate this the Blueberry PC Conspiracy card which tanks Lenovo PC Prices and the American Barrel to 200$ but was consumed by their Morse Bug Encode Talker Glitch Being Very Indeed Useful to the Blueberry PC Conspiracy to dissolve both but still the lenovo PC is tanked and the american PC tanked this is the playing which does this which the second play of a conspiracy card is different than the first one and I have a doxx, I saw ed copeland in my shower devolved from reality and it was my actual shower and nobody ever burned in this shower as is the conflation it is a burn shower and he is my next target of intense DBT to find the penultimate answer to dragons who are beyond violet the dragon.

Went out last night for my friend's birthday. She hosted an event at a bar and most of the attendees were her friends that she met through raving. I meet one of her acquaintances/casual friends outside and start chatting with her. She was really nice and sweet initially and my regarded ass tried my best to mirror her vibes. Self-preservation instinct. With these rave girls who are super nice when you meet them, it's a coin flip as to whether they are genuinely nice and PLUR and shit (love those girlies) or putting on an act.
After just a bit of talking she tells me how ~sweet~ she thinks I am and that I give off ~good vibes~ so I kinda just did the same to her. You know how it is. Then she asks me what sign I am. First red flag. I answer truthfully, but also remark that I don't know much about astrology but I've seen a lot of slander about my sign online. She says "omg no don't worry, male suck though" to which I agreed because I didn't know or want to talk about it any further. Shifting the conversation, I notice she's there with her boyfriend and ask how long they've been together. She says they've known each other for 11 years, were on and off, but "definitely back on this time". Second red flag.
I get whisked away inside by my friend to help her with something. Maybe she got offended because I did leave without saying anything. Eventually I come back out and find myself in conversation with crazy again. Her boyfriend pops out and we introduce ourselves to each other. I tell them how cute they are together. He offers to bring us some water from inside, and I smiled and thanked him when he handed it to me which I eventually realize is what triggered her.
Then I introduce her to my friend who recently arrived because he was on the sidelines as we were talking, saying we went to college together. She asks where we went, I said "oh we went to together". She asks what we studied, he answers, I say I double majored in English and . She then goes on a spiel about how she went to community college and would love to go back to get her degree but haven't because of the pandemic, and she took "advanced classes" while she was in CC, she'd love to go into STEM because she "wants a real challenge". She goes on to say how she's interested in both computer science and environmental sciences but she just can't pick because it's such a hard decision. She's just soo passionate about both. The fact that she was trying to one-up was not lost on me, but I was so stunned that a woman this dumb would be so bold to spew shit like this. I should've asked her her favorite pieces or authors or even the course titles of classes she took because she was clearly bullshitting and insecure, but I just said "oh cool I went to CC too then I transferred". The conversation winds down and she goes home.
As she walks away my friend and I talk about how crazy she is. Even my normally oblivious guy friend noticed she was being weird and chalked it up to being insecure about her education. He's not wrong but there's more to it than that. These types of weird interactions only seem to ever happen when I put in the effort to look good, you know, makeup and a cute outfit. Definitely hard to be pretty as an autist because people will expect you to act like how a normie should (which I'm incapable of) and other women will try to put you down because they're able to sniff out that you're different and think you're oblivious to their blows. I can identify when women sneak diss me but I've never been able to respond to them in the same sly manner they do.
We exchanged Instagrams earlier in the night, I go look and yep, she has 'empath' and some astrology shit in her bio and 95% of her pics are selfies with the snapchat devil filter. She doesn't even need them because she was actually a pretty cute mousey short white girl. I feel bad for her BF because he actually seemed quite kind, as those prone to fall victim usually are. How do people live like this? I mean I have BPD too but at least I'm hot and smart and try to hide it.

I(38F) have been with my partner(40m) for 11 years. We have had ours ups and downs as with every relationship but this last fight he wants to end things. We haven’t tried couples counseling and anytime I’ve even tried to talk he gets defensive and blames everything on me and my up bringing. He accuses me of never wanting to do anything with his friends and that I use work as an excuse not to do anything (I work retail with short staffing surprise surprise and my schedules, yes I may make them, are 3 weeks out and I’m lucky if he informs me a week prior to the event) . When he is out he often drinks too excessive, I think he’s an alcoholic but he’ll tell you he’s not cause it’s only beer not hard liquor. He then won’t come home until 12 (I know that may not seem late but when you have a kid it is). He is loud and disruptive and usually wakes up our 3 year old daughter. I have been honest with him that he has one group of friends I like and one I don’t. He has had two DUI’s and the first one included felony mushroom possession. Both DUIs happened with the group that I don’t like, although he’ll tell you the first was my fault.
I’m angry, I’m so angry this is how it ends. I truly loved him. I loved how he didn’t really care what people thought of him (I however am always in my head). He was there when I lost my brother to suicide and really help my family through that. The moments I see with our daughter and the way he melts with her. He would tell me I was sexy even though I may not feel it.
I know I’m messed up, I get angry when he doesn’t come home by 11 but he would also tell me he was leaving a place that was 20min away and not be home until an hour or two later with no communication. Maybe I PTSD from those DUIs, not hearing from him for hours thinking he’s in a ditch somewhere. I’ll never forget the phones calls one at 3am and the second at 1am I answered both went to pick him up both times, the second waking up my daughter to take with, waiting over an hour for him to be release him.
I’m devistated that he just wants to end things. I’ve put so much into this relationship. I never give up on things.
I guess I just show my support and love by being there unconditionally. He’s said some horrible things to me that I won’t mention but most of you would have said to leave him if you knew. But I can’t I want to work on things.
I also suffered a miscarriage two months ago. Neither of us really wanted it but it still fucked with me. I feel like I’m still getting through that. Wanted or not it’s still a tough thing to go through especially when you just start bleeding heavily and have blood clots the size of tennis balls. I haven’t felt normal since then but I don’t think he would even care, so I haven’t told him
I don’t know what to do. I’m rambling now. I think I just needed to get shit off my chest. I need someone to tell him to stop being so angry and listen, really listen and try to understand what i’m saying. He feels I’m against him and I’m not.
I know I need therapy myself I push things down and down and down until I explode. I have two associates at work causing a toxic work place. They want each other fired but that’s not going to happen because well the company doesn’t really give us a way to do that. It’s all about talks and what can we do better blah,blah,blah. I also hate confrontation. But tonight I exploded. I got pissed. He was doing a “concert” thing with a new group of guys and I asked him if he was leaving soon since it was 10 and he was riding his bike and we were going to a cubs game the next day, which meant up early to get ready (he doesn’t understand a girl needs time to get ready), get my daughter fed and dressed and take her over to her grandparents to catch the train in to the city. He came in ran to the basement, must have tossed his drumsticks somewhere cause I heard it and the started to whistle when he came up the stairs (we live in a single story house). I had just worked a 10 hour day also. I flew in to the kitchen and went off on him. He then proceeded to tell me he was sick and tired of this and he was done and then said a few hurtful things while I cried on the steps leading down to the basement where he went. I said I want to work on things but he said it’s over. He said I was isolating him and abusive. I was antisocial and never want to do anything. Our daughter woke up and came to the top steps. I told him to shut up and stop talking our daughter was there but he said he didn’t care and told me to fuck off. She wanted to tell him to stop being so angry but I wisked her away and got her back to sleep. So here I am now typing my guts out out because I don’t know what to do. He already made a comment on another post about ending an abusive 12 year relationship (it’s actually only been 11) being the best thing for his mental health.
And I already know I need to seek some counseling to better myself for my daughter.
Ugh I guess that’s it that’s my ramble. I’m going to try and get some sleep now.
Also be nice but honest it’s my first post.

For some background, M&F in their 20’s. I recently moved across the country with my partner. We were long distance for a good while, but it grew tiresome and was impacting our relationship; we decided to be together while we save up to get my partner a car and an apartment. I made the decision to move and not him because firstly, he doesn’t drive, and also because I didn’t want my partner to be away from everything he grew up with, and I also didn’t want to take him away from HIS family or people we cared about; so I made the move.
Until we can find a place of our own we’re staying with his grandparents who adopted my partner as a child and are his technical parents, and his “father” who is mid 30’s (teen dad) that being said the first month was fine. We behaved like roommates would, kept our room tidy, did our dishes, didn’t occupy common spaces too often. I took showers quickly and tried to be quiet, I gave his father rides a couple of times, one being the day of the incident. Where he ALSO said he”has nothing to lose” and said he’ll “shoot up a court house” (he’s a felon, but go off straw purchasing which I’m sure the enabling grandparents did) etc. I’ve been accommodating, polite, clean and friendly.
My partner’s biological father has extreme issues to be as kind as possible. With that being said, I’ve never judged him or been rude about it. I’ve kept my opinions to myself and still been sociable. If the internet goes out, he screams, he punches holes in walls, he’s done every drug in the book, he just got off of probation, he’s been in and out of jail. He used to have tweakers around my partner when he was a child, up all hours of the night and keeping him awake, which impacted his performance in high school. The grandparents have purchased the father who we’ll call Jason, 4+ vehicles, Jason does not work, is an addict/alcoholic, nor does he do his dishes, or help the grandmother when she has heavy things to bring in. He sits in his room, and when he’s not freaking out because mommy and daddy won’t buy him a 5th car, he’s screaming at his dog, doing whippets and watching anime or getting mad that apex is lagging and breaking controllers.
Fast forward to earlier this week, my partner and I were drinking a bit and playing video games. I fumbled at the end of a match and got upset, I wasn’t yelling nor screaming but I was rude to my partner by saying “c’mon you could’ve helped me here and you just left me to die. Like all you’re doing is standing around and smoking a bowl and you’re not doing anything.” I didn’t curse at him, raise my voice, etc. mind you, we worked it out privately and I apologized. It was a heat of the moment thing where I lashed out, and I’m wrong for that.
I suppose Jason heard me say this because outside of our bedroom I hear someone saying something to the affect of. “Shut the fuck up, nobody wants to hear you” to which i shout back through the door “excuse me? who are you talking to. If you’ve got something to say come in here and say it to me then.” (Because…? You’re almost 40 and you can’t address someone to their face…?) and he comes back in front of the door and goes “you, you stupid bitch, shut the fuck up” I go out of the room, partner follows. He’s in my face screaming every obscenity he can at me, “fat ugly bitch, you’ll never be a part of this family, know your place, shut the fuck up.” etc. At the. Top. Of. His. Lungs. the grandmother steps between us and is begging me to go back into the room while he continues his 4th tantrum of the week. My partner is attempting to stick up for me while my voice is raised back, but not nearly as loud. I said things to the father of the tune to “Your mother isn’t going to live forever and you made her cry two days ago, all people do is enable you. What happened to your wife?” Throw in some subtle twerking and laughing in his face when he called me fat. Then he tells my boyfriend to take off his glasses because he’s going to “beat his ass” (which was something he said to my partner quite a bit growing up). He then proceeds to try and come at my partner, so then I just called the cops, which caused Jason to take his dog and flee on foot to avoid them.
Fast forward, cops couldn’t do much. I completely avoided all of his family for 3 days. The grandmother is upset at me, Jason and her are back to saying I love you and acting like nothing happened, and I still have received no acknowledgement of what occurred or any apology, except for Jason playing telephone, yet again(how hard is it to talk to someone directly?), with my bf and saying he’s “sorry for being a dick” to him.
That about sums it up, advice is welcome too. I’m not turning around and driving 2k miles back East alone because of this parasitic cancer of a person, either. My partner is on my side, although I’d never ask him to choose.

As a toddler, my son was a lot to handle. Constant tantrums, rambunctious behavior, just completely emotionally volatile compared to my other kids. In preschool/kindergarten, he had some conduct issues. One time in preschool, he crushed another classmates finger with a wood block.
In elementary school, things started looking much brighter for him. He was still generally stubborn and emotional, but much more calm and less impulsive. He fell in love with reading. Always came home with those giant cat books. We learned he was intellectually gifted and placed him in an APEX program.
While he was in middle school, I felt very proud of the young man he was becoming. Stellar grades, socially matured and developed, and overall a great kid to be around. It was around that time he started getting into politics. We loved debating each other over random current events and topics.
The pandemic happened right as he was graduating 8th grade. One day I was getting ready for work when I saw him walking around the house aimlessly. Obviously something was up, so I confronted him and he told me that he was on LSD. I asked him where he got it and he said he ordered it on the dark web. I was absolutely shocked. I asked him why he took it and he said “I don’t know.” I just assumed it was a stupid teenager decision.
For the later half of 2020, I took away his internet access. I’m not exactly sure if I can pinpoint his behavior to his psychedelic experience, but he gradually started being more and more strange. He became very quiet. Always looked like he was in deep thought. Or not thinking of anything at all. He stopped hanging out with his friends. He mostly stayed in his room for a majority of high school. His grades have always been perfect, and now he’s graduating in the 1% of his class. Even though I don’t ever see him doing homework. I mean he’s a good kid. Basically a nerd.
He doesn’t really talk to me at all anymore. Doesn’t want to hang out with me. Or his mother and siblings. I ask them and they don’t know either.
I’ve asked him dozens of times if he’s ok or if anything is bothering him. We’ve never been extremely close, but I always let him know that he can tell me anything. Every single time, he quickly glances at me with a fake smile and says “i’m fine” and then returns back to staring out into an infinite void. I ask if he ever wants to see a therapist or a psychologist, and he’ll get a little defensive. Acts like I’m prying into his soul or insinuating that he can’t mentally take care of himself.
He’s never acted up since the LSD incident, so I’ve never had a reason to force him to see someone professional. I’ve had the thought many times that he continued to abuse drugs sneakily after that day, but I’ve never found anything. The occasions that i did drug test him, it was always negative. I just don’t know what happened to him. Or why he won’t tell me. His personality is just null. I don’t know who he is at this point.

i’m going to apologize straight away if any of this sounds like a pick me, but i am going through it. junior year has been the closest i have to taking my life, and i mean this so sincerely. but i gotta preface to provide a little background. my two closest friends lane and gio from elementary school to middle school kinda dropped me without meaning to because they found a sport they both really love. it was a little hard to accept that their conversations were centered about what they did and only that, but i tried really hard to still try to relate. it was maybe at this point i started talking to eva and mateo, they are important to late in the story. anyhow, i just got really tired of trying to play catch up all the time and just stopped trying to talk to them altogether, because i was sick of trying to force myself into something that i just couldn’t relate to. after this, i got really close to ivan and mateo. we were extremely close and couldn’t bear being without each other for at least few hours. at this point i thought that these would be my childhood friends that i would never be able to live without. then mateo kinda says that he wants to start hanging out with his other friends at brunch and lunch, and me and ivan are like “hey, that’s great man!” this would devolve into him talking to us maybe once biweekly which we were not anticipating. but hey, at least me and eva had each other, you know? and now for the fun part. ivan and i had bonded over freshman biology, and had stayed friends through freshman and sophomore year, but only got really close during junior year. we survive mateo leaving and i think this is where i got codependent on ivan. ivan knew that lane and gio’s friendships with me kinda ended on a sour note, and mateo’s sort of leave made my abandonment issues even worse. when he told me that he didn’t want to hang out i deadass started crying (looking back this was really embarrassing and i wish this upon no one i am too dramatic for myself). everyone thrashed junior year for being the hardest and i can’t believe i thought they were joking. but you know, ivan is right there beside me, so it isn’t all too bad. today, ivan got a boyfriend. normally i’d be beside myself with being so happy for ivan but i feel disgusted. why? ivan and i kissed earlier today and i feel vile. me and ivan had had this weird sort of friends with benefits thing going on for the second half of junior year, and we would just kiss whenever we felt like it and it was fine and dandy. it was no strings attached and we’re both bi. i don’t feel ill because we kissed but i feel ill because i am strangely attached to ivan. i felt safe around him and confided everything to him and i thought i would remain his first priority. i will admit that i have issues with being alone and have constant feelings of paranoia and severe anxiety. being shoved to the side (sorry for the dramatics) is like uber lame. i have never felt closer to suicide. i am flooded with guilt and shame that i feel this way about such a happy time for ivan, but i am so tired of never being the first option. instead of a starter girlfriend or boyfriend i feel like a starter friend. i am so deeply afraid of next year and all of the events that come with being a senior. (prepare for the dramatics) i’m scared of going to the senior sunrise with no one to sit next to on a blanket. i’m scared of another year of wondering who i’ll do my summer bucket list with again. i just tossed my bucket list i made to avoid this. i’m scared of having no one who wants to go out to prom or homecoming with me. i’m so scared of trying to listen in on a conversation at a lunch table, and having the feeling that i’ve become unwelcome. i’d rather sit alone. i wish desperately that i was someone’s first choice, but i’m so tired of trying to be someone i’m not but honestly now i feel like that would be better than eating alone. i have never felt so much more alone and i can’t believe i’ve resorted to telling redditors my drama (no offense) i’m so tired of feeling like this and i just needed to rant in the hopes that someone might listen. i’m so sorry and wish you the very best if you can relate to this in any way.

What I like the most about the CO-OP/Team Play event is the sheer rawness of it. Based on my experience, it has minimum to no AI assistance, you have full control of any players on the pitch. Only the best players can play this to the fullest, and that's what makes it fun.
Got allied several times with dudes from DIV 1 with a team full of Epics from the front to back, with Nesta, Bergomi, Araujo, Vieira, Thuram, and Tomiyasu on their backline and they STILL CAN'T DEFEND for sh*t, chasing the ball everywhere like a headless chicken.
Some other time, I got allied with a dude from DIV 3 with standard GP and POTW players and he played so well. His positional defense was so good, always standing between the line to intercept passes, and his teamwork was immense, he understands when to dribble and when to make passes.
This makes me wonder, how much the defending AI assistance contributes directly to their success? Just buy the best Epic defenders and the AI will do the defending for you. Take that off, make the defense more manual and you'll find more teams full of Epics on the DIV 3 or DIV 4.

Me and my bf of almost 2 years recently moved in together. We currently live in a single room in his parent’s already crowded house, so we are constantly in the same room as each other apart from when he’s working. I was just recently diagnosed with bpd (allthough i’ve had my suspicions for 6+ months). I suspect that my bf may also have bpd, but he isn’t diagnosed nor has he brought it up in therapy that he’s told me. We’ve been arguing a bit more recently now that summer has started. The thing is, he can be really hurtful. Throughout our entire relationship he has had a very unstable pattern of saying he loves me more than anything, or telling me that I’m the reason for all of his bad feelings and behavior and he would be better off without me in his life. this definitely contributes to a lot of my insecurities in this relationship. Our relationship as of right now is not healthy, but breaking up isn’t on the table yet. I love this man fully ever since i met him in 6th effin grade! I don’t think either of us are willing to throw this otherwise wonderful relationship away because of issues we are just now trying to improve on. I told him we have 1 year to get our shit together and if by then we still have unhealthy cycles, it would be best to split. This is a man who has proven time and time again that he is devoted to only me, and who I can confidently say is as much my world as I am his. The way he looks at me says everything. He just has issues that we’re trying to cope with more healthily. In the meantime, I have an issue that needs addressing. Criticism is a huge trigger for him, and I accidentally trigger him all the time. Since i’ve been actively trying to pull our relationship back together, every time i try to make points about our relationship and how I would like to be treated, he takes it as criticism. I sent him a few relationship advice videos, and he got upset and told me that it makes him really upset and feel like he’s doing everything wrong. That was not the intention. Im not perfect either, but I have more quiet type bpd so when I’m triggered I just feel like I’m drowning in negative emotions and just want to be comforted or assured that he still loves and cares about me even though hes mad and that he isn’t going to leave me. Or i just need to take a while to sulk. I often cry. I can say shame is a huge trigger for him as well, because he also hates whenever he sees that his words and actions have a negative effect on me. Which begins a spiral of him becoming more loud along with blame shifting to avoid shame(“its your fault i took it out on you why would you bother me if i was in a bad mood?”) And me just sinking further and further into my mind while also melting down. A terrible cycle that leads to nothing but hurt for both of us.
I understand it’s destructive, and i understand that it’s unhealthy. But im not giving up yet. Please just give me advice on how to remove myself from situations like that without triggering him more by abandoning him or something. I don’t want to throw away the life I’ve dreamt of with this man. The thought of it tears my heart out. And recently he’s been a little more receptive to my criticisms on his treatment of me. I hope im able to help him in the right direction along with myself when it comes to healing both our minds and relationship

an email i considered sending to my therapist, but never sent. share any thoughts as you would like :) thank you to anyone who takes the time to read. let me know if you relate if you’d like.
little jacked up, admittedly probably shouldn’t have done the block or two home from the bar if i’m being honest. it’s kind of wild the way things change and stay the same. the level of disconnect and the lack of discernment between what is okay and what is not. knowing and not knowing… rationalizing? what is okay
and the sadness as you watch people succumb, over and over, more and more. and you stand back and watch as people simply take watch, observe the decline, yourself included. and you think, well, they don’t know any different. but if you’re asking yourself the question, if you all make the jokes that indicate the awareness with things left unsaid… i don’t know. it’s an incredibly sad world we live in some days
and there’s people that greet me upon entering, and these people say they adore me, their words. and i’m here wondering why they ask me these questions, truthfully why can’t you just recognize that i need more than 6 ft of distance for me to be okay with you talking this intensely. no ill intent, warmth, encouragement. and i want nothing more than to not be seen. it’s amazing, truly.
there are so many missed communications. and people just carry on, they just continue to whatever beat their drum drums. they continue to color inside the lines, they don’t dare to shake their status quo. not recognizing that their status quo is what keeps things where they are. not recognizing that if they see something , say something. and i think it’s even more sad if they do see it. i’m one of those people, and i can empathize because i feel powerless too.
it’s a wild wild world all the time
and yet, my aunt texts me just now, she says “ Thanks for listening to me all the time. You’re one of the very few people that I can talk to and know that you totally understand what I’m jabbering about. ” so i have meaning, i made impact. right?
we’re all witnesses to this shit. it’s wild
i must be more jacked up than i thought, to be shamelessly sharing.
i think too many people are in pain, with no means to get out. except they have the means, they have the help, they just can’t see it. it’s a profoundly sad world. and nonetheless, a good night . a night of sharing, of exchanges, of authentic conversation.
i don’t know. i don’t quite have the words
i know that im deeply grateful to have the space to express. and i know that i wouldn’t be here if not for you
how many people don’t have a version of you? how many people stumble blindly through whatever their shit is, unknowingly colluding
i don’t know
and what is there to do? the spouse of the alcoholic takes him in the car home, he’ll sleep in the car or on the couch. the father who texts his son thanking him for his honesty about having been drinking, and therefore isn’t going to pick up his dad. i tell him, that’s a great text from your dad. good on you. (he’ll appreciate that someday if he doesn’t already). did he hear me? was he more upset that i shouldn’t be looking over his shoulder? it wasn’t my business in the first place? he wouldn’t be wrong.. but i read it and wished id have heard it, so i said something. he thanked me, so maybe. but maybe not, maybe he thought fuck you. the brother that storms out on his sister over who knows what, what i hear as a “years long conflict, this happens at least every other time they get together.” and it’s normal, so let’s move on, let’s have fun. forget about it. under the rug it goes.
how are people not profoundly disturbed by this? how do they actively participate?
and how can i say that as i stand by and watch these things pass by because these people are 20-30 years older than me, i dont have the connection necessary to plant any seeds of change. and yet i have 5 minute conversations with people only to hear that they call me extraordinary, they say im destined for great things, always have been.
i don’t know. i don’t know what i feel
i just know that it’s difficult for me to interact with so many people that have no idea what to do. and i have the empathy. i didn’t, i don’t know what to do either. you just keep trying anyway, but they don’t seem to. they brush it off, they act like it’s nothing so as to minimize the discomfort, in an effort to save somebody’s feelings.
i don’t know. it’s a wild thing
nobody i know is ever malicious. i know malicious people exist, they are not the ones i know.
it’s insane to me the level of harm that can be done despite good intentions. and how disturbingly normal it is to watch and do nothing. nothing. sit back. they’ll figure it out. maybe. someday. maybe. hopefully.
it’s fucked up. what if they don’t? what if they need you to say something? what if they need to know that it’s seen, even if it’s uncomfortable, even if it hurts?
i don’t know. i’m not pointing the finger, im no different, im a participant as well
but im 24, i say, im only a kid compared to these people. cant be much different than the things they all tell themselves.
i don’t know.
it’s a weird thing.
and today was my dad’s 50th birthday . and i hugged him multiple times, trying to tell him i love him. trying to tell him to stay close. take care of yourself, i need you around. and yet im fuming over the treatment of my step-sister who still lives in his house. the lack of accountability taken. and how could you carry on this way. how could you not see what you’re doing. how could you continue to oppress, restrict another human being, another child of yours. i told you what it did to me, didn’t i? didn’t you listen? i thought you did.
but i love this man more than i give a fuck whether the sun rises the next day, and so i will give him grace. i will hug him tight because i don’t want him going anywhere. i see him laugh it up, i see him brush things off, i see him swallow, and make light. and i watch his body decay as the stress compounds. why? how? but i get it, too. i haven’t said anything either. that’s all we know
i care that he knows how much i love him, how much i need him, how much i yearn for closeness, for him to understand. i see the weight that you’re carrying that you tirelessly try to dismiss
i don’t know what to do with all of this sometimes there’s too much to be seen that isn’t said.
i’m highly analytical, im logical, im rational, im disconnected. and honestly i don’t know how else to exist, because feeling it all, watching it all
i don’t know sometimes. i don’t know
and it was a great night. it was a great night
too many paradoxes.
and i’ll wake up tomorrow, i’ll forget about this. i’ll be caught up in my own world. it will be out of sight out of mind
what can you do? are the messages i receive from people like my aunt enough? do i need to think better? it’s not like im not already cracking under my own weight. but would more mean more? do more? how do we all sit back like that. how do we all do that
blows my mind, and i understand it all the same.
crazy. crazy. crazy.
i hope you’ve been able to get some rest. it makes me wonder sometimes… did you abuse your body too like i have? is it a case of poor genetics? is it to be expected with aging? do you have regrets that you’re now paying the price for? or have you made your peace and you roll with the punches? what are the things you tell no one about? what are the things you try to forget? what are the things you deny but secretly know, the things that only you could possibly know? and am i projecting? is there a level of healing where that’s not what you think anymore? but at the end of the day, i think everybody has those, no matter how healed you think you are. is that reality or just mine?
do you have somebody too?
maybe it’s arrogant of me, but i don’t think i would sense, i don’t think i would suspect if there was nothing to know.
that pains me some days.
but maybe that’s the human part of this work. maybe i’m human, and you’re human, and we all have things left unseen and untouched, unsaid.
do i think that because im wounded? or is that how this thing we call life is? i don’t know.

I (18F), have always struggled with people. When i was young, I was an outgoing child, but i got bullied a lot for being "too loud". As I grew up, I became more reserved and liked to keep to myself. I have had moments when i was social, but not a lot. Not only was I bullied by people in school, but also by my dad and some other family members. Me and my dad don't have a relationship, as he has told me to my face that he doesn't love me and that the woman he is cheating on my mother with daughter is his true daughter. Since then, I have been lashing out lately. Maybe it is betrayal, or pain, but I can't hold back how I feel. As a child, better yet a person, I have never asked for much of others. Only recently I realised to get things, I must ask for it. Simple things, like leaving the house of going to the beach I can't even do because no one wants to take me and just because my dad says he doesn't want to take me. He never takes me anywhere.Little things, like for example, i am graduating high school next month, but my dad's 50th birthday is the same week. All i wanted was for my mom was to do something for mw for my grads, but all she cares about is my ungrateful father's birthday. A few months ago, I got my first boyfriend (20M), and he is the best thing to have ever happen to me (i know that is clique, but work with me here please 😭). I am also his first girlfriend as well. We are both very new to dating and just in general being in a relationship. We have to keep our relationship on the phone as my dad doesn't want me to date. For the past few days, he has been busy with stuff with his family, and we haven't gotten to get anytime to talk, until tonight. We talked and spent time for about two hours till he was ready to sleep. I still wanted to talk to him, but i know he was tired. i kept asking him questions, and he kept say "mhm". I realised he was tired and told him good night. He shot up from his sleepy state and said good night and I told him, "Oh, you can get up to tell me goodnight but not answer my questions?". I know that was a bitchy thing to say, but I was a bit upset when I am trying to talk with him and he wasn't actually answering me. All I wanted was to spend time with him. He got up from his sleep, and i know he was definitely upset with me and told me he was tired from his long day and he wanted to make sure i heard him say goodnight and that he loved me as i had already said it to him. Despite me getting him upset, he offered to stay on the call until I was ready to go bed. I told him i was sorry as i realised how shitty i was reacting, i told him i was tired and goodnight. I feel bad that my boyfriend has a girlfriend like me. He truly does deserve better. i am trying to be better, but i feel like i am a problem, a burden. Not only with my boyfriend, but with my family and even my friends. Is it too much to ask for little things to feel appreciated and heard. I don't mean to be or sound selfish, but all my life i have lived to please and accommodate others, i wish for once i would be accommodated. I want to feel special, and feel appreciated. I don't really feel that way very often. After calling with my boyfriend tonight, I cried for about an hour because i felt so badly that he has to deal with me. I feel like everything i do just seems to make everything so much worse. I think i start dissociating, again. I have before, and i will be honest it was lonely for me, but i am sure that everyones' lives were so much better. I don't want to be a problem anymore, i want everyone around me to just be happy and not have to deal with me, my nonsense and annoyingness.

Good day everyone. I’m (30 yo) an independent woman, have been married (Also 30 yo) for 6 months through an arranged marriage. I’ll confess that I was very reluctant about getting married at first, especially after observing all the failed marriages of most of my cousins, however, I got lucky as my husband is the best partner one could have. He had always treated me like his queen, supporting me and my dreams.
We were a big joint family of eight until I was 5 and my dad transferred out to another city. Before that, it had always been my 5-years older cousin who had been the one who raised me and babysat me most of the time, as my mum, being the only housewife, took care of the whole family. She is the elder daughter of my paternal uncle and the eldest of all my paternal cousins, let's call her B. I am the only child of my parents. My dad had six siblings, though my uncle and dad were the only ones who stayed together until my dad’s transfer, that’s why we were so close.
B had always been domineering in nature, but it never bothered me as I tend to be very laid back. She would always find me ‘too generous’ and ‘too lazy and incompetent’, as I’ve sometimes made the mistake of confessing about sharing my lunch and occasionally some money from my allowance with some of my poor classmates, scolding me and saying that I have no regards for budgets. I used to get upset but tried my best to ignore her as my parents told me I did nothing wrong when B complained to them, and my mum even started giving me extra lunch to share. I started keeping a polite distance out of respect that she raised me until I was 5, and was a decent company when she was not scolding me for always wasting my allowances. She had also been a vehement support when I protested against my wedding. She even somehow found out about several debts and loans of my in-laws and protested against my wedding to that family, though my parents didn't listen to her. I had always thought she was looking after my future and thought nothing about it. She even supported me when I said I didn't want any kids, saying if I wanted to play with any kids, I was welcome to spend time with her son. Her son is 8 years old, studying in a boarding school, and I pay for his schools.
After marriage, I’ve discovered my FIL took many loans in my husband’s name, after lying to him and saying it was for the treatment of my terminally ill MIL, who died 5 months before our wedding. Then we found out FIL had been cheating and my husband cut his relationship with him. I suggested taking some of his loans, to reduce his financial loads and close them ASAP, as we were planning to buy a house next year.
In the last family union, B pulled me apart and started asking about my savings and how much I had saved up. I, being forgetful in nature, thought nothing of it as she tends to do that sometimes; and told her that I just went through the biggest event of my life, so I don't have anything saved now. Arguments spiked as she started listing how much I spent on everything for my wedding and that it had been 6 months, so I must have started to have a decent amount as my salary was high enough (Yes, she kept a list of everything). In the heat of the moment, I accidentally blurted out about helping my husband with his loans. At that time, B completely lost her mind and started yelling at me. That's when I learned that she somehow found out that I had also been financially helping my other cousin’s education after his dad, my maternal uncle, went bankrupt. She kept accusing me of being spendthrift, having no regard for my money and always being reckless. It really hurt me, as I know I am not a spendthrift, I don't waste my money on useless shopping or other things. My only addiction is buying books, nothing else!
In the middle of her tirades, my husband came and told me that my mum was asking for me, pretending to not hear anything but I know he heard everything, as he somehow has developed an extra sense when it comes to me and notices everything. I was ashamed and angry, on the verge of crying, but we didn't speak about it.
Later my husband kept asking questions and finally learned everything about her. Then he asked whether she wished that I wouldn't get married or have any kids so all my money and property would go to her son.
I never thought about it before, I didn't even want to think like that about her... but it makes sense. Could that be the reason, or is she just looking after me? Please let me know!

Another thread reminded me that I saw this 45-min documentary was broadcast on May 18th 2024 on UK Channel 5 but I didn't catch it at the time. I've gone through it now on Sky catch up - nothing really new here imo, mainly fluff, but I am posting so people can see what is being broadcast here about George / the RF. Quotes are exact quotes, the rest is my summary but pretty close to what was said.
Narrator (N): George's story begins on 29/4/2011 - W & K wedding. Simon Vigar (Royal Correspondent 5 News - SV): W & K wedding was a happy moment for the country in the midst of the financial crisis of the late 00s. Afua Hagan (Royal commentator - AH): PW was hugely popular as was Kate.
Section about Queen Elizabeth doing the Olympic ceremony - N: "the Royal Family found themselves enjoying a surge in popularity", echoed by the other talking heads
N: In Dec 2012 KM announced pregnancy. AF: "it was hugely exciting because we knew this was going to be another heir"
N: they chose St Marys Hospital for the birth, same place Diana went. Weeks of anticipation, George born on 22/7/2013, Archive footage of W & K outside the hospital with newborn George etc.
SV: "the arrival of George meant that the line of succession was secure"
SV: "this 'Lion King' moment with the king in waiting"
N: "although their choice of name drew from centuries of tradition it soon became clear that their approach to parenting was more modern" - covers William with the car seat, driving Kate back from hospital himself, etc - more hands on, they are being more 'normal'.
N: W & K had always had a close relationship with Kate's parents. In first few months of George's life they retreated to the Middletons' family home in Bucklebury [Berkshire]. George's baptism - following tradition but more modern approach to the rest of it - choice of godparents (only Zara as a royal, all the others were non royals), "cosy, child-first atmosphere".
N: Australia/NZ tour (10 days) when George was 8 months, contrasted with Queen Elizabeth's tour of NZ where Charles was left at home age 5. Footage of them on the plane steps etc. William and George travelled together which was a break with protocol (usually avoided due to risk if anything goes wrong), had to persuade Queen Elizabeth.
N: they are following tradition in having a nanny. They recruited the nanny Maria Borrallo in 2014 - from a school that's produced many Royal nannies - Norland College (Bath) - the world's foremost Nanny college. The nannies can earn six figures and are trained on all sorts: evasive driving, self-defence, lifesaving, etc.
Royal historian: "We know that she's [Maria] been with Prince George since he was around 8 months old. So she's built a real bond with him. The fact that she's still with them, she's doing something very very right for that family."
Education - break with tradition, heirs were never sent to school historically. King Charles broke with that tradition by going to Gordonstoun, was miserable & bullied though. AF: William has learned from that and wants to make sure that doesn't happen to George. George's first school (Thomas's) focuses on building character, creativity, kindness, etc as well as academics. Age 9 - went to Lambrook School - ethos of happiness, kindness, concern about the world.
Privacy - age just 2 William was put in front of the press, body language expert says he was visibly uncomfortable, regular press intrusion throughout his life. Agreements between RF & media weren't in place then - talks about the agreement they have now with the press, they issue their own family pictures at Christmas etc, thus devaluing 'pap' pictures. Describes Kate taking a lot of pictures, they're more "intimate", candid, family pictures rather than pro.
Age 2 - meeting with Obama (visit to KP) - [nothing notable here, just fluff]
George included on trips to Commonwealth countries, early exposure.
2015 - Charlotte born, then, Louis 3 years later. Fluff about George as a big brother, close knit family.
Piece about William and George watching football (Aston Villa). Body language expert describes the 'mirroring' of body language between W & G at these type of events - facial expressions, movements, wear the same suits - twins/mini-me. Narrator says Charles, William also learned by imitation in the same way.
Talks about W & K involvement with charities, Charles & the environment etc. - George will follow.
N: "KC has big plans to shake up the monarchy as a whole, with the young prince front and centre"
Prof. Robert Hazell (Professor of Constitution UCL - RH): "Charles before he became King expressed the wish for the monarchy to become more streamlined, and that is happening. And happening perhaps rather faster than he expected, because of the disappearance of Harry & Meghan, and also of Prince Andrew. I think it's possible that Prince George will be pressed into service rather sooner than he or his parents might have wished".
Tangent about the streamlined monarchy, photos etc. Queen's Xmas broadcast - family video footage from inside the Palace.
2022 - Queen Platinum Jubilee - George started to be given more exposure, talking heads say he seems comfortable with it.
George will be 11 in 2024, need to plan next stage of his education - where next? Eton (William's school), Marlborough (Kate's, also Zara's)? George is part of the decision making process. Marlborough is co-ed (mixed sex), this would be another break with tradition if he goes there - would allow Charlotte to be at the same school. SV thinks Eton must be in "prime position" due to proximity to Windsor etc, but "we shall see", will be "a tussle between mum and dad".
N: In future where will George go to university? W & K both went to St Andrews so that is a possibility - or could he go to Cambridge? No decisions yet.
Queen Elizabeth death - George now 2nd in line. SV: "it's all about succession, this is a family firm that's been doing the same thing for around 1000 years".
Background about first 'solo'/major royal engagement being a rite of passage for future monarchs. William at 23. George at 9 at the Coronation - footage of Charles & Camilla etc - George was one of 4 "pages of honour" for this ceremony, Charles wanted him involved, new era of family first. Talking heads say he took it in his stride, carried it out well, dutiful, confident, 'got on with it'
About contingency planning - RH: "If anything were to happen to Charles as King, and to William as the heir apparent, formally George could not become King until he reaches the age of 18. If George were not old enough himself to become King, that would trigger a Regency." N: "That scenario is thankfully highly unlikely".
Military involvement - many royals still choose to serve in the military e.g. Charles (navy) William (helicopter pilot) - N: "it's still early days and there are rumours that when the day comes George may choose to break the royal mould" - he might not serve in the military, no decisions yet though.
N: "The reign of King George is likely many decades away. But it's clear the monarchy he will inherit is undergoing a transformation." - Talking heads: monarchy is changing, slimmed down, we are no longer an empire, monarchy will become more like the ones in mainland Europe.

I have updated my previous post but I figured I'd throw in a day 1 overview with just some general thoughts as well as battle recaps.
Just generally, tournaments are tiring! I forgot to sit down any if the games and when I'd made it home I didn't realise how much standing up for that long and focusing that much can take it out of you, though in fairness the whole up until 2am the previous day basing stuff probably didn't help.
Everyone was lovely, I didn't have a game where my opponent was funny about anything or tried to pressure me into stuff, or any of the tournament horror stories I've heard, and the event staff themselves and TOs were great. As a team we very much went in with expectation to lose every round in total, and each individual player to get a few wins here and there given the calibre of player and competitiveness at this event, but so far we are sitting pretty middle of the pack at 2 wins to 1 loss, which is always nice.
I'm currently sat waiting for my train to head over for day 2 and will give a write up of that afterwards, but all in all it's been good fun, I've enjoyed playing the army, and honestly? We aren't top tier by any stretch, we get bodied by a fair few S tier lists, but personally I've found us to be good fun and put up a fight if you aren't expected to try for a 5-0 or anything crazy, you can go be a statistic on a GW sheet to let them know we need a buff, and still have fun.
Game 1 - Admech Vs Guard - 86 / 79 (11 / 9)
Game one was fun! Guard player had two demolisher cannons which spiked on shots and along with a blob of 10 rough riders knocked out my knight be the end of the turn 1 fight phase. The terrain was very much in my favour though, each batch of tables had a few set up with GW terrain and a few with WTC, with a roll off between teams to pick The movement he had to do to get my knight effectively locked his tanks between ruins and stopped them coming too far up the board the rest of the game. In the end I was just better at scoring, I had more mobile units, and I just sneaked the win. Very happy about that one given the way it started.
Game 2 - Admech Vs Grey Knights - 56 / 87 (4 / 16)
Also a fun game but my word was it a struggle, this was not a good matchup for me and the player on the other end of the table was good. Turns out 8d6 flamer shots on the table really burn through skitarii, so do tiny units that jump all over the shop with 15 nasty melee attacks and 20 stormbolter shots. The dreadnights made short work of my lancer and by the last turn I had so little on the board. Scraped a few points for my team by scoring well on the secondaries and coming primary best I good. All in all a struggle, but forced me to try and sneak points where I could grab them which was a good exercise in learning the army.
Game 3 - Admech Vs Drukhari - 100 / 60 (17 / 3)
So turns out admech can quite handily deal with dark Eldar, or at least my admech can quite handily deal with this dark Eldar. There's alot of transports and firing decks but I found if I can get them to pop out that transport sure they'll get a unit of skitarii, but I'll mop up anything that comes out afterwards, and I'm definitely winning that trade. The big knight did a funny and ran across the board as GW terrain has alot of less than 4 inch high terrain, stood on the middle, and didn't die until then 4. Didn't kill alot, but was for sure a deterrent. The big surprise was not getting destroyed on the special kill something for 4 pts or kill more for 8 pts mission rule. Going second I got to decide to target just enough stuff to even out or beat my opponent and they never scored the full 8, and I even killed more on a few occasions. Was fun to get the chance to play against the magnificent model that is the tantalus. All in all very happy with the result of this game.