Hi!
I’m visiting NY between 11-18th of June, and would love to visit some wedding dress shops. The only problem is my wedding is 4 months out so might have to be places that have sample sales on where you can collect a dress that day, does anyone have any recommendations on anywhere?
Also very happy for recommendations for anything else wedding related 😊

I'm currently going through the divorce process after being married since 2018. A little bit of back ground. I met my husband back in community college when I was 19 and he was 24. I was really immature and didn't understand the concept of what a healthy relationship should look like. I had also just gotten out of a short term relationship (first boyfriend) that left me completely heartbroken a few months before I met my husband. As a result I was very 'wishy-washy' towards my now husband. I didn't really see myself dating him but liked that he was very kind and attentive towards me, even though, I found him rather annoying at first. He didn't seem to care and kept pursuing me. We eventually became a couple without either one of us formally asking each other.
We each went to separate universities which were close in proximity. This is when I started to notice his lack of communication and intimacy towards me. He rarely texted, called or visited me. When I would bring this up he would state he was busy, fair enough, I understood that but told him if he was too busy to call or text he was too busy for a gf and broke up with him. Once I did he showed up at my apartment in less than 2 hours. I took him back and that was just the start of the charades or breadcrumbs I had unfortunately settled for. Long story short it never really improved not when we got our first apartment, our first home, or our second. It only got worse with each milestone. As we hit every goal/dream we wanted I felt less and less seen, heard or valued.
There were a few moments in our lives that made me slowly start to resent him. The first one was him not standing up for me when his mom disrespected me, him getting mad over me calling So Cal Gas because I smelled gas and they shut off our gas. The time we bought our first house and he started packing his stuff to go live there even though the house was no where near ready to move in even when I begged him to wait. Him going to my parents house to tell them when we were fighting/arguing or calling them on the phone to tell them to come so they could calm me down. Him locking me out of our house. Him taking a picture with his mom in front of our first house and him saying how he was so proud he did it with no help from anyone 🙄 him not tending to me after I almost died having our baby and then telling me I couldn’t even breastfeed our son. Him telling me I was having vertigo symptoms because I was obese. Him telling me we had bills to pay when I mentioned I was extremely tired during my first trimester (a little empathy would have been appreciated). Now I will say I didn’t know how to regulate my emotions back then compared to now so I would explode with anger and I wish I could take back a lot of things I said and did. But I have worked on myself and grown but have not seen my husband do the same. As a result we grew apart ( didn’t have a strong bond to begin with) and his lack on intimacy and attention made me hate him. I felt so alone and alienated in my own home. I finally decided to file for divorce and he has moved out. He says he wants marriage counseling but now I’m not sure I want to put in the effort because I suggested counseling back in 2021 and he said he didn’t need counseling but I did. I miss him but I think he just wants someone there. There’s a lot more but it’s too much to jot down. I seriously want to give us another shot but we were sexually intimate a few days ago and he slept over and he acts like nothing, but he doesn’t really express what on his mind. What do you think about marriage counseling ?

Just wondering why it’s the new thing for it seems people to cut off their parents. I get severe abuse but while I wasn’t perfect by any means I raised my son from being 18 years old worker super hard went to school dealt with physical and mental abuse from his father so much so he went to jail. Fast forward, he finds someone in his early 20s and ends up paying for everything while working and going to school with my money as well. I don’t say much just ask the normal questions that concerned parents have when monetary questions come up and other minor things but only to him. Very minor things. I help with two degrees, rent, cars everything. Suddenly, after being with her he has a different beliefs on everything and while I get people evolve to this level and extent was definitely concerning. Ended up in counseling with him for a year while I am getting sick really sick I just ask for a chance with him - yet I feel this entire time I don’t bring up religion or politics which to be fair I never did before I would just go over things like I do think he is and was starting to just 100% be about her which is fine but so many changes so many of us being slowly distanced from but was happy to take any financial help from me so did she. Fast forward helped her with job didn’t exactly work out I was upset - meanwhile I never said anything to her only to my son. The were just living together but I understand not the best but I did it just like I feel many parents are concerned or can get frustrated esp since I was still helping financial and she went through career and jobs and everyone else was toxic and she was not speaking to her parents for years. He never cuts off contact from dad ever he is good guy the one that refused to help him his entire life, picked drugs and beating me over his son and helped his new kids with everything. He resumes contact with me after even cutting off my parents that treated him like a son even when my dad is sick just zero. Has over and over again said I don’t make her feel welcome or accepted oddly I have never felt the same I went out of my way besides a few statements about work to him only been humble and nice and helped them always with nothing expected. His dad introduced them. After I found out he got married from social media, I did lose it - we had been talking maybe once or twice a month and he always was scared to talk to me once he got near her being around and moved out of state. I knew something must be going on when I was crying and asking why he said I was being a victim that I am reactionary a lot of therapy speak but no apology just basically not a big deal and she doesn’t feel accepted I said what can I do I have apologized, send notes prior, acknowledge holidays zero worked. He said we all need therapy I agreed even though last time there were incidents he said happened that didn’t happen like I made fun of him at a birthday dinner by saying he was too serious at 16 was abusive. I still apologized. When I was blocked again after 5 years and spending less time than 3 hours with him in person I lost it - I did write emails about how I’ve been begging and walking on eggshells to gain acceptance and if this and a lot more but I had held in everything for years just pretending I am a horrible parent all her words btw - when I agreed to therapy he blocks me again and nothing makes sense unless it’s her even is own dad says it is. He is being 100% controlled by her and it’s rough being cut off. I am so depressed and my treatments are barely helping because of the chronic depression and anxiety - his dad still around so are her parents. I have apologized, letters emails calls and then left it alone for a year before he would send a birthday card or note or flowers or Mother’s Day he sends his two siblings Amazon cards only two weeks late. Barely speaks to them or my parents - doesn’t acknowledge me at all no cards no emails zero contact. I wrote a letter one of many to her no response.
I pray every day that my son will accept me for someone that can never be perfect but estrangement is so devastating I don’t diminish serious cases of abuse but that isn’t the case here. No parents are perfect they can try. I don’t understand why I can’t even get something back just hope nothing more. For children, please consider how devastating and depressing it can be to erase the person that gave you their all and sacrificed whatever you needed. I am not perfect again but I know in my heart I do not deserve no contact. It is like grieving a death and begging knowing I have zero ability to change it I even asked please if you can just let me know if there is a chance you will forgive me and speak to me no response- my dad is sick and I am sick - for kids that are thinking this is the only way it’s super hard. Beyond devastating.
Anything I can do?

Dear patients, supporters, donors, and friends,
Exciting news: Our second scientific study has wrapped up its sample collection phase and is now in full swing.
Today marks a significant milestone as we've successfully collected blood samples from over 150 patients, with a third of this data already on its way to Dr. Alfonso Urbanucci and his team at The University of Tampere. While we may need to collect some samples again, we are now considering sample collection complete.
This achievement is the culmination of six years of dedicated work by PFS Network, our research group and volunteers.
Alongside our ongoing study at The University of Kiel, these milestones signify unparalleled progress towards understanding PFS and developing safe, effective treatments for patients. We're more hopeful than ever about what lies ahead.
This progress has been hard-fought and largely led by patients, some of whom are no longer with us. We extend our deepest gratitude to everyone who has contributed to reaching this point.

Patient Volunteers

A heartfelt thank you to all who have volunteered for our organisation. Your support forms the bedrock of our progress.
Special appreciation goes to the staff who initially volunteered to moderate the propeciahelp forum back in 2018. Despite the lack of recognition, their pivotal role paved the way for community-wide collaboration, resulting in significant achievements, including

• Gathering over 400 responses for our patient survey, now in the process of publication in scientific literature.
• Hosting over 20 videos on our YouTube channel, featuring patients, family members, clinicians, and researchers.
• Recruiting over 200 patients for ongoing scientific studies.

These moderators facilitated a shift towards constructive, scientifically oriented discussions, steering our community platforms in a more productive direction.
We'd also like to extend our gratitude to everyone who has contributed to PFSN projects, whether through data analysis, SEO assistance, video editing, participant recruitment, media engagement, or other forms of support. Your contributions have been invaluable.

Donors

When we embarked on fundraising for our study at The University of Kiel in December 2021, we had modest expectations. The overwhelming response, reaching our 80,000 EUR target within four months, exceeded all expectations.
In total, our charity has raised nearly half a million euros over three years, a remarkable feat considering the grassroots nature of our fundraising efforts. These funds have supported two major projects and enabled us to hire our first PhD student. We are profoundly grateful to all who have contributed.
A special thanks to our major donors, who have generously provided the majority of our funding. Approximately 87% of our funds come from 'private donors,' including patient families, individual wealthy patients, and our first grant.
We also express gratitude to patient donors whose consistent support, though smaller in scale, has been invaluable.

Researchers & Clinicians

We've often expressed our gratitude for the exceptional team of researchers we're privileged to work with. What began as individual research endeavours has evolved into a comprehensive scientific advisory team comprising experts across various fields.
While we are immensely grateful for their support in launching these projects, we also recognise the contributions of others who have made these studies possible. This includes clinical support for patient and control tissue collection for the Kiel study, researchers who have previously published on the topic, and the teams supporting lead researchers at their institutions.

What's Next

Reflecting on our progress, it's essential to recognise the concerted effort it has required. Equally important is acknowledging the state of affairs before these advancements.
In 2018, cohesive patient participation platforms were scarce, clinical data was limited, and appropriate scientific research on the condition was lacking. The achievements of recent years are not accidental but the result of careful planning and thoughtful collaboration.
Throughout our journey, we've emphasised the importance of patience and practical, incremental steps towards understanding, recognition, and eventual treatments. We remind patients of the principles that got us here and urge you not to take this progress for granted.
As we move forward with both studies, our focus shifts to supporting researchers in their vital work. While we cannot provide detailed updates from the lab as frequently, rest assured we'll maintain regular communication, now on a quarterly basis instead.
Over the coming months, we'll continue consulting with our scientific advisory team, analysing incoming data, and exploring new projects to advance understanding and awareness of PFS.
To some, especially new patients, progress over the coming months may seem slow or non-existent. However, the most significant work is now underway.
We're cognizant that this could result in a situation reminiscent of 2018, characterised by a tendency towards quick solutions and increased complacency.
Please understand that our progress has been achievable only through broad cooperation and support of clearly defined, justified projects. We advise patients to carefully consider who they entrust to spearhead progress and meticulously assess any individual or group asking for their support.
Please remain active in driving progress forward, chiefly by backing our initiatives and motivating others to do the same. If you're currently contributing financially, please maintain your support to ensure timely commencement of potential new projects, when ready. Additionally, as advocated in our 2024 fundraising campaign, please continue to inspire your loved ones to contribute financially whenever feasible.
Thank you all for your unwavering dedication and support. Despite the road ahead, our optimism for the future has never been higher.

So I have about 20k in credit card debt. It’s a combination of medical bills, and charges from when we lost jobs during Covid and stupidly but necessarily at the time leaned on credit to make ends meet. My score is 620. I don’t think I’ll qualify for a 0% Apr card right noww, but I did apply. I’ve never missed a payment but my utilization is so so high. The interest is high.
I’m not sure if I should go with calling the creditors directly to work something out, going with a debt settlement agency like Beyond Finance, or Credit Counseling Debt Management like Greenpath.
Any advice is welcome. I’m going to miss my first payment this month on a card or two because I can’t keep up anymore. My husband is in a similar situation. Covid, job loss, and my past cancer kicked our asses. I really don’t want to go bankrupt.

I haven't used FL in months because I was in a music production school learning how to use Logic Pro. I come back to the beats I made and saved on my laptop and most of the sample based beats have the missing samples error. Im really upset going through my old beats and not having any of the original sauce I added to them. is there anyway to fix this issue without having to remake each beat one by one?

For about three months I’ve had the urge to urinate and pain in the urethra area and above. In mid March I started having pain near the urethra area and above it for about two weeks. It was pretty frequent but it would come and go. About two weeks later I had the urge to urinate and when showering (the pressure of the water caused my urge to urinate to intensify) I felt worse. I went to the bathroom and emptied my bladder but still had the urge to go. I kept drinking water and could urinate but still felt the urge. I was treated for a UTI (unsuccessful) and for BV/ureaplasma (unsuccessful) and have been to multiple doctors. I feel this pulsing feeling in my bladder that makes it feel like my bladder is going to explode. It almost feels like a ball is stuck inside of me. After I go I get pain in the ovaries, sometimes sharp pain or sometimes an ache. This pain happens even if I don’t urinate. Usually for a day or two I have pain (sometimes in the anus as well) and then the urge to pee. Recently I’ve had to go pee every 20 minutes and poo a couple times a day (more than normal). The doctor checked my bladder and said that I emptied it. I’ve got crystals in my urine but I’m not sure that’s what is causing it. I even was checked for bacteria and the test showed four organisms but the doctor believes the test wasn’t accurate. I was misdiagnosed with other conditions after taking a urine sample. I’ve searched a lot of things it could be but most of them are for older women or pregnant women. The pain also increased on my period.

I signed a lease this year in my college town but ultimately ended up taking a gap year. I had moved in this fall only to run into enrollment issues with my university. I don't want to go into detail but the administrative issues I ran into were really distressing for me. I tried yet again coming back for the second term, but as I couldn't resolve the issues in time to take classes again, I decided to get a subletter in my place. It was an incredibly stressful time for me, and my wellbeing had really declined as a result of it. Overtime I began to feel better after moving back home with my family and seeking treatment. I recently started working part-time and after months of counseling appointments I've now resolved things with my university to come back in-person next academic year.
This gap year was thus not planned, but forced in a sense, and I didn't anticipate it. When I had moved my first subletter in, they were only planning on staying for two months. My roommate knew about it and didn't mind; she was initially worried about it but quickly shared that the girl was really nice and she was worried for nothing. I originally planned to come back to my apartment after these two months and find work in my college town, but since I recently landed this position in my hometown, given that I wasn't taking classes in my college town anyways, I ultimately decided to just keep living at home. The subletter moved out.
About 5 weeks ago, I posted online that I was looking for a subletter to take over asap. My roommate texted me right after; she had gotten a notification for that post. She was upset that I had not told her beforehand and that she had to find out through an online post; she said she thought that we were closer than that. I felt really bad hearing this, since I really did not mean to hurt her feelings. I had thought to myself that I should tell her if I found someone that was interested in the place, but that I wouldn't need to say anything if I didn't even have a person that would want to move-in. Now I realize this was backwards and I should have alerted her that I was looking for someone. Truly though, I had not known myself that I wasn't coming back for more than a few days when I made that post, so I didn't even have the ability to have given her much of a heads up like she had hoped for, as I did not know myself.
I had the full intention of telling her I was going to get a subletter once I had found a person, so I had no intention of not telling her at all, of course. Quite the opposite, I would never have thought to move someone in without first talking to her about it, since she lives there and deserves to know. I just didn't think it really mattered if I told her after I had found a person or beforehand, but I see now that this was a source of hurt for her and I am sorry I made a choice that brought her this hurt. I've reached out to her three times now with an apologetic sentiment asking if we could talk about it, but all my messages have been ignored.
I have not even moved anyone in; at this point I have been paying my rent there for 2.5 months and will not move anyone in until everyone goes home for the summer, so I am not going to be making her live with a stranger like she was worried about. I have and have never had any intention of putting her in an uncomfortable situation. But, she has still been ignoring me for 5 weeks now over this. I really cherished her friendship, and I am confused because we were incredibly close. I know what I did must have really hurt her, but this is really hurting me now. I don't think what I did was a reason to completely stonewall and give me the silent treatment. I wish she could be a bit more empathetic to my situation (struggling with my wellbeing and being unable to continue in university for the year despite wanting to, being stuck in an expensive lease despite not living in the place).
I'm just really upset over this, and I don't understand how someone that I considered such a close and dear friend could feel ready to ice me out in this way. I've told my friends and family about this, and all of them are saying it's unfair that she's reacting this way when finding someone to take over for you after moving out is normal behavior, and everyone I've shared this with has told me that it really isn't a big deal that I posted that before telling her, since it's normal to scope out interest before saying something about it. I honestly just didn't think it was a big deal in the moment and this reaction feels incredibly harsh. I thought I was over it but tonight brought up a lot of feelings of anxiety for me over the situation, and it's hard not to feel like everyone hates me right now when I remember that she was ready to throw away a close friendship over something like this. I really struggle with receiving the silent treatment and it just feels so harsh for what I've done, which really isn't much of anything.

I have people to talk about this with, just need to get it off my chest.
My wife and I had a bit of a spat (domestic? Curffle?) last week, needless to say feeling were hurt on both sides and things were done and said, both of us were at fault, she said and some things and I over reacted.
Well the next day we met up after work to talk about it, where she told me she wanted a indefinate seprstaion which really hurt and would deffently hurt our under 4 son.
I asked about couples counselling and she said that I walked out the last time we did it and said I was the one thay didn't want to keep going last time we did it, when in reality we came to an agreement to top because the counciler told us we have all the tools we need.
I drove to my parents place an cried like I haven't since I was 11 (I am now 35)
Then 3 days later we met up again to discuss plans going forward, I asked about reconsileation, she told me flatly "I want a divorce"
This really hurt me. She made more money thay I did & owned the house before we got married,
I make much less than her and priced right out of the market can't even find a placean hour away I can afford. Wich means custody of my kid is almost impossible to do as I am required to have a room for him. I had to move into the basement of my parents rental property again
We have been together for 7 going on 8 years and married for 3 going on 4 of those years, I really wanted to fix this, but she is done. All because I walked out, when I asker if she wanted me to head over to my parents place with out her and she said yes, and told me to take my car, I didn't think it would come to this.
I know I have been snapping alot more frequently over the last few months, I am mostly reacting to the stress my wife is giving me.
We have both been really stessted her with going back to schopl, working full time and making time for our kid, me from trying to help any way I can and trying to spend time with my kid.
I still love my wife but when she asked for a, divorce I don't think I could take her back now if she changed her mind.
It really hurt, I connected my Life to her in such a way that it's really painfull.
I don't understand why she didn't want to work on it we are usually fine, jusy sometimes all the stress builds up and you have a fight, but she says she's done ☹️

Hi all,
Just looking for some advice for anything at all that might help our situation other than divorce.
I've been with my husband for almost 13 years, married 10. We are both 35. Have three wonderful kids 5-9 years that we both love so much. We are through all the toddler phase and sleep deprivation.
Our marriage is in a dire place, which both of us contributed to by not prioritising the other and essentially just aiming to survive through parenting. We have no family close by / breaks so it is full on.
For several years I've felt lonely in the marriage and things have come to a head the last 18 months. He's acknowledged the issues and says he doesn't find me sexually attractive, doesn't have any romantic feelings for me. Going on dates is like time filling for him. He says he finds other women attractive, but there's no specific woman he wants to have sex with. He has no desire for sex with me and will occasionally have sex after a lot of work on my end. He thinks his libido is normal But he is not seeking out sex with other women and masturbates only on occasion to porn. He wants more time for himself (which is hard in the constraints of a family, but I have worked hard to provide for him by doing as much household stuff as possible, taking kids out so he has house to himself, he stays up very late). He thinks his current needs and behaviour are selfish, but doesn't want to compromise on that.
He has had bloods done with GP. Normal testosterone level. We've done marriage counseling. She says he's got a severe dismissive avoidant attachment style, which I can see now, but I can't understand how he wasn't acting like that pre-kids. Our best sex was actually post- last kid but dried up a few years ago. We still have sex maybe once every 1-2 months but it's not enough for me and I feel like he's fulfilling an obligation rather than any actual desire to be with me so it reduces my pleasure. He says he doesn't want a longterm romantic relationship with anyone currently. But he loves me. We are still together currently as both our ideal outcomes would be for a happy fulfilling marriage and intact family unit. But it's at the point he doesn't even want to have to greet me or ask about my day and I've always prided us on having a great underpinning friendship and don't want to lose that too. I am also aware of the example we are setting for our children for their future relationships.
We've gone on regular dates in the last year, I try flirting with him, he's sharing a bit more of some aspects of the household work, although I have the majority mental load. We've tackled identified areas of resentment from both sides (although I feel like this has been a lot of him doing what is best for him and me doing a lot of what is best for him). He does not feel he is depressed and happy on other aspects of his life. His mum Is asexual and has never had another partner after separating from his dad 32 years ago, his brother lives with his mother at 37 years old and has never had a partner, his maternal uncle lived with his mum until she died and I wondered if there was a genetic component to things. But maybe I'm grasping at straws and that doesn't offer a solution.
I'm fit and attractive to the general population haha. He says he can see I'm attractive to others so it's not like I've "let myself go" in any sense since having kids, and actually have a better body than pre-kids.
I have talked a lot with various people and some had suggested having an affair to give me what I need, but I would never disrespect him In that way. However we have talked about a "one-sided" open marriage for me to essentially Have a sexual relationship +_ some emotional connection with someone else, in the hope that in the future, my husband would want those aspects again and hopefully pursue them with me... I had thought this might relieve him Of his guilt / make our interactions not an obligation for him. I had hoped we could go on dates and have the rare sex when he wants in the interim also. He is supposedly agreeable to this. I'm scared to do something (ie sex with someone else) that I can't take back though.
I guess I always have a sliver of hope, he's the dad of my children and I committed to spent my life with him and that's what I ultimately want. But currently, every day is like I lose a part of myself with the constant microrejections and while I know you are the one responsible for your own happiness, my self-worth, confidence and happiness are slowly being eroded by feelings of inadequacy and why I am so unattractive / undesirable to him on so many levels (sexual / non-sexual gestures / romantic / friendship) etc. If it was just one area, perhaps I could be more accepting / patient.
Other context, I have the primary career / income earner / drive in where we have ended up. I've always asked his opinion and been mutual decision making for big decisions, and despite my best efforts to support him to find himself, he has never shown much drive for anything other than computer gaming (which he would easily spend 5+ hours a day most days doing, at a cost of sleep). He doesn't particularly enjoy his job and has changed industries constantly when working. There's a Netflix special for a show called Jigsaw and that resonates a lot with him, he didn't have a complete self-identity before he met me and was happy to follow me along the way in life and got to where we are (which on paper is the most amazing life) and he's realised he's not happy within it. I've tried to support him in trying new things and exploring himself, but I can't be his motivation and really the only thing he is showing motivation for currently is increasing his level on DOTA2! We did have sex droughts during pregnancy due to me being incredibly sick and having zero libido, but we got through that and I guess I didn't feel it was a big issue at the time as we loved each other and every other aspect of the relationship was solid, but potentially that was a contributing factor to marriage demise. Although at the time, I felt we would never get back to an amazing sex life, we did and it was very fulfilling until twoish years ago.
Any advice is much appreciated. I am guessing a lot of people will think we are non-compatible / he doesn't want a relationship and I can't change that so divorce is the best option, but I'm willing to try anything at this stage.
Ps we have both seen a personal counsellor as well as the marriage counsellor. I am seeing mine next week and will ask about the open marriage concept.
Thanks for your thoughts!

I've had vaginal issues since December and can't even go into a walk in doctor until Monday and my real appointment is scheduled for June 20th, please help.
It started out with yeast infection symptoms (itching), then escalated to UTI symptoms (burning/ breaking when peeing), was on and off for months, sometimes more irritable than others but the irritation was still always there. Tried yeast infection medication, the first time it did nothing! Then I had unprotected sex in April and had SEVERE pain and itching inside my vagina and throughout my inner lips, treated myself for a yeast infection, and every symptom went. Until:
Day 3 of my period last month, I decided to skip the sugar pills and go straight to the regular pill. My period ended May 8th, and is still here on the 1st of June. Sometimes the blood is fresh and comes out in clots, the other times I'll find old blood in my underwear. At one point my vagina was so irritated it even felt like I had paper cuts inside.
Now for the past week, my vulva has been smelling like fish! Sometimes I have brown discharge, sometimes it's gray. I got an STI screening (only urine sample) and didn't get a call back with positive results. It's been internally itching and externally burning. I'm betting it's ureaplasma, bacterial vaginosis, or an STI of some sort. Does anyone have any idea what it is and is there anything I can do to ease area until I can get checked?

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/hopefulaga1n
My ex-wife [36 F] still keeps trying to get back together with me [36 M] and our daughters [16 F] want that to happen too
Thanks to u/mjolnirstrike for suggesting this BoRU and u/Minute_Point_949 & u/stevvandy for finding the links
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, manipulation
Original Post May 7, 2016
Doesn't really sound like a big problem, right? Yeah, well, while I wish I could just plain tell her to piss off and never bother me again, there is the matter of us having two daughters and sharing custody, so I can't excise her from my life on a permanent basis.
Not without removing our daughters too.
We married fairly early in our lives, back when we were 20 and we had been dating for three years before that. Our daughters were born in the very first year of the marriage, and there were some complications which meant my ex-wife would have difficulty conceiving again. Didn't matter to me at the time, because I was just glad she made it healthy and fine through the whole ordeal and that we already had two beautiful baby girls to love and raise up.
The marriage lasted for 9 years. Ended when I divorced her for cheating. I have absolutely no tolerance for it and I don't believe in forcing myself to suffer needlessly for shit that wasn't my fault to begin with. While this might sound incredulous to some folks, any love I had for my ex-wife was pretty much killed when I found out about her cheating and the details behind it. So yeah, this isn't a thread about me moving on from her. I've done that 7 years ago. Hell, I don't even hate her, I just don't give a damn about what goes on in her life unless it concerns our daughters.
The problem is that it's only me that moved on from the whole thing. The ex-wife, her family, and even our daughters, have kept trying to get us back together even though I have made it plain for everyone that I have no interest of ever doing that. Me not dating at first for a few years after the divorce might have been giving them false hope, but I sure as fuck wasn't going to jump into another relationship so soon after. Not with our daughters to look after.
They were my number one priority, besides my own issues which stemmed from the ex's cheating. Those issues, by the by, got resolved with the help of friends, family and some counseling. So yeah, that's over and done with.
I have no issue in communicating with our girls. None whatsoever. Anything else? They can understand it just fine. There's never been any fighting, no yelling, no nonsensical teenage rebellion (thus far), no tantrums thrown and so on. Pretty great, right? Except this whole thing. They know about her cheating on me, and it was their mother in fact who told them about it, some three years ago or so. I imagine she's been feeding them some kind of bullshit since then and I've asked her countless times to stop with it, that it wasn't helping anyone, that it only prevented them from moving on.
But the ex-wife didn't stop, she apparently just got subtler about it.
In all the years since we divorced, she hasn't dated or slept with anyone else. While I suppose she thinks that admirable, I don't.
To be honest, I find it kind of insulting. When we were married, she fucked someone else, but now she's just fine going without sex for seven years?
Whatever. Not that it matters.
While I could ignore the occasional mentions of their mother, of how well she looks, of them showing me photos they took with her, obviously all dolled up for my sake, it's gotten worse lately. Why? Because I have a girlfriend. Clemence is not the first since the divorce, but she is the most serious relationship I had since my marriage ended. She also happens to be eight years my junior. Before getting together as a couple, we knew each other for four years through a shared hobby. So basically it was a gradual transition from being friends to being involved with each other. I can honestly say I love this woman. It was a surprise to me when I realized that, because while I didn't really want to admit it to myself, I was afraid for a time that what my ex-wife did to me damaged me on some fundamental level and rendered me incapable of ever truly loving someone else, like I once did her.
Initially, my daughters had very little to say about our relationship, much like they didn't comment anything on the previous two I had post-divorce.
But then they started coming home (ahead of the schedule we set up in advance) and they'd find me and Clemence together (nothing compromising, not sex or anything of the sort). Then came the grumbling. Then came the "Why is she here?" question. Then came "It's not fair to mom what you're doing," as if I was actually doing this solely to spite or hurt their mother. So I sat them down and talked. And I talked and I talked, but they're just not getting it.
They simply won't give up on this preposterous fantasy of theirs where I get back with their mother.
Clemence, thank God, has been understanding and isn't upset by their behavior. She's basically saying to give them time, but I kind of doubt that will work. It hasn't so far, so I have no idea why more time would change anything.
Anyway, since I'm really all out of ideas, I figured I might as well ask you folks here if any one of you might have an idea how to handle this.
Is there even a way, an approach of any sort, that could work on my daughters realizing I will not, under any circumstances, get back with their mother?
Edit: more information.
tl;dr Wife cheated, became ex-wife. Our daughters keep trying to talk me into getting back together and aren't listening to a word I say about it never happening. They started acting grouchy and resentful recently once they realized that my relationship with another woman has turned very serious. Do I play the waiting game and hope they mature past this kind of behavior or is there something I've overlooked, something I could do to make them understand that even without this person in my life, I will never get back with their mother?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]

You need a chat with your daughters.
You say that whilst your mother and you are good friends, and have worked together to give your daughters a stable upbringing, there is no way in hell you are getting back together. You should say that if their mother thinks or says anything to the contrary, it's not going to happen. You say you like Clemence and if things go the way you want them to, your future will be with her, not with their mother

OOP

Already did that, dozens of times.
It just doesn't seem to be reaching them at all.
At one point, that was about a year back, they asked me why I don't want to get back together with their mother. When I brought up her cheating, and I admit that at the time I wasn't sure if I should have done that but I honestly couldn't think of anything else, it turned out their mother had already told them about it several years back! They keep using the same approach every time of how she's faithful to me now. When I pointed out to them that she can't be faithful to me given that we're not together to begin with, they just ignore that.
I have talked with my ex-wife about this on numerous occasions, possibly a hundred times by now, about not bringing our adult lives and messing up our daughters'. In one ear and out the other, as they say. At one point, I admit, I even contemplated going to court for sole custody, but I was advised it would not work out well for me, so I dropped that approach.

~
[deleted]

Do your daughters know the reason why you divorced? Do they know your ex cheated on you? I don't ever favor telling young kids that, but your daughters are nearly adults. It seems they are laboring under some delusion about why the divorce happened (likely fed to them by their mother without your rebuttal). Perhaps setting the record straight on that regard might help. You don't have to be disrespectful about her; you can be factual and still get the point across.

OOP

Yes and yes. I actually tried telling them about it a year ago, only to find out that their mother told them several years back, when they were just a few months shy of turning 13. They know their mother cheated on me.
Now, here's the thing that I think is messing with their minds: they never saw their mother as anything but loving towards me or them. Or at least they don't remember it if they did see her acting coldly and distant with me.
During her affair, and yes it was an affair, not just a one-time thing (not that I wouldn't have divorced her either way), she was very much the opposite of loving in bedroom. They never really saw that, nor should they have. My approaches for intimacy were often rebuffed and I felt more and more dejected until one day I realized, with the help of a very close and very good friend, that there was nothing wrong with me and therefore something had to be wrong with her, which is what led me to discovering the affair, because I started looking for reasons why our love life had suddenly dropped so much in quality and quantity.
And it wasn't just sex. There were the small things missing from our daily lives too. I know it sounds silly, but we always kissed at the front door, in plain sight, before either of us went to work. That's something, that only now in retrospect became plain to see, that was missing.
Bottom line is, their mother denied me even the most basic of affections while giving it to someone else outside of our marriage.
To me, that's unforgivable.
They don't understand that, they couldn't, not even if I told them (which I rather wouldn't), and how hurtful it can be when you realize that your spouse didn't really give a damn about you all that much.
So all this? All the regret and remorse and pining for us to get back together? To me, it's worthless. What's the point? Where was all this supposed love and guilt and remorse when it should have mattered?

Update Apr 1, 2017
It's been a while since I was first here and I was reminded recently that I owed an update to the kind and good people here who helped me with our troubles.
A lot of things has happened. Among those things, my daughters actually stumbled across my post. I had no idea they even browsed Reddit, let alone this place. When I came home one day from work I found them crying. They pretty much jumped me, hugged me, wouldn't let me go and begged me to forgive them. Sadly, they had read one of my replies and found out the dreadful extent of my ex-wife's affair and how much it had devastated me.
It took us a while, but we got through it, as a family. There was nothing for me to forgive, they're still young and they love their mother, who took that love and used it to manipulate them. That's on her, not them. There was some much needed counseling, but after several months, the woman who was helping us heal and move on has said that nothing more needed to be done, and they should only check in with her once in a while, rather than continue their weekly sessions.
We're closer than we were before, but their relationship with their mother has suffered for it. Which I think is completely understandable, but I still cautioned them about lingering too much on what she did, since I had gotten over what she did all those years ago. That was something also resolved in counseling (both their own and our shared ones), so it's all behind us now.
I had a brief confrontation with my ex-wife about it and made it clear that she was to not talk about this getting back together nonsense any more with our daughters. I can't tell if it really got through to her, but my daughters have not been pestered about me since then. Or they simply ignore their mother and don't bring it up at home. Either way, so long as my daughters are doing fine, I could care less about what my ex-wife is doing.
Since the situation had improved, things had also become much better between my daughters and my girlfriend, so much that they actually started talking with her (rather than just exchange terse greetings and goodbyes), even occasionally asking for tips on something (girly stuff, of course), and I can't tell you how much it warmed my heart to see it happening for the first time.
I'll admit that also helped me push my thoughts in the direction of proposing to my girlfriend, who had been incredibly supporting and understanding through all of this. We had known each other for a long time now, spent so much time as a couple, and after all this mess, I didn't really think there was anything more I could to to express my love for her. However, I was beaten to the punch.
Two months ago, Clemence, together with my daughters, surprised me one day and proposed to me. I have to say that I felt very odd, but also very happy. Not just the proposal, but that my daughters had actually worked with my girlfriend on surprising me that day with dinner and a night out. To put it simply, I was blown away. It was a small and private ceremony, with only our closest friends and family attending. Currently, we're also expecting, and my daughters are looking forward to having a baby brother or sister to spoil.
tl;dr: My daughters had found my previous post and saw in one of the replies how deeply I was hurt by their mother's cheating. Asked for forgiveness, there was no need for it. We worked through our issues together, both at home and in some counseling, and we healed from it and got much better. Even their relationship with my girlfriend had improved, so much that one day they helped her arrange a nice night for us, where she proposed to me. We're married and currently expecting, with my daughters eagerly looking forward to having a younger sibling to spoil rotten.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I’m thinking about getting a new card with 0% interest for x months that can do a balance transfer. My question is about balance transfer fees. Do they get charged to that card and added to the balance or are they expected to be paid up front? I have some credit card debt I’d like to spread out and pay with less interest but I’m not familiar with how it works. My other options would be credit counseling or a debt negotiation place like Beyond Finance but I don’t want to go that route if I don’t have to… Covid really kicked our asses financially and now we are having trouble getting out of this hole.

Hi. I (35 F) have been with my partner (32 F) for 5 years, engaged for 3. I feel dizzy about whado in regards to this relationship, and need some help finding clarity and perspective. Any help is appreciated.
My partner is very generous, loving, and devoted but had an awful past that continues to impact me and our relationship. For context, they were abused by family growing up (Irish catholic family) as they were a lesbian, and moved away as a teenager to escape the abuse. She was unable to get her high school education as she had to work multiple jobs just to get by, eventually getting her GED and going into the trades. She was groomed by an older woman when she was a young adult and married, and this was a sexually/physically/mentally abusive union. After the divorce, she had further abusive and unstable relationships. Due to this, I have been lenient and understanding of her outbursts and insecurities, but kinda feel like a doormat now. Was I a fool to have empathy for her?
Early on in dating, things were rocky. The first "I love you" was forced - we'd been together a month, and were on a small trip together and she got drunk (I don't drink alcohol at all) and kept asking me to say I loved her, and if I didn't she was going to get another place to stay that nights and leave in the morning. I kept trying to say that I wanted to say it when I was ready and to go to sleep (i had an event the next morning to attend), and it continued until I was so upset that I finally just said it to make it stop. It hurts me that my first i love you to her was forced.
She then moved in with an ex, saying she couldn't afford rent on her own after her roommate suddenly moved out. An ex that had cheated multiple times with men (this becomes relevant later), and used heavy illicit drugs. I told her I thought that was a bad idea, due to the previous volatile nature she described of this relationship and us now being together and I wasn't comfortable with it. She did it anyway - and had a horrible time. This ex also followed me and us and tool photos/videos, which made me uncomfortable. This ex has since moved away.
I have a different experience than my partner - I have two degrees and many other educational certs. I have backpacked around the world solo. I've lived alone for years. I was independent. I may good money. When we met their was a huge obvious different in income, education, and lived experience. I brushed that aside and I wanted to believe it didn't matter, that love can overcome differences if you care for and respect each other. However, my partner has made many comments to me about thinking I'm better than them, smarter than them, or don't see them as equal. This really hurts, as this happens when we've disagree about a topic and I am open to discussing my perspective and knowledge (or desire to learn more), and my intention is to simple have a conversation together.
There has also been a huge issue with communicating during conflict. I know I am far from perfect - I prefer to keep things civil and step away if things get heated or unkind. This doesn't work for her. She's followed me around our home when I said I need some space. She's tossed the Bedsheets off of me when I've asked to sleep it off and discuss tomorrow. She's threatened to cancel trips we have planned, or to drive out of the city to stay elsewhere, or asks me to end things if I won't talk to her. It's really worsened my anxiety and has been very distressing. I set up couples therapy and the few times we've gone my partner has said she hates it and feels like she gets blamed for everything and is the bad guy. I've asked her to speak about her emotions and thoughts going into a counseling session, and she will tell me that she doesn't know what to say. She's also been saying that therapy isn't making a difference and hates going. I've given up and stopped scheduling it or asking her when we schedule our next one. She's does see her own therapist regularly without issue.
The most recent thing that happened, which has really caused me to question things, was when I said something to her about leaving some meas in the bathroom but tried to make it more humorous to keep it light. She was very offended and defensive, and accused me of intentionally trying to make her feel stupid. I apologized, but things escalated and she was shouting at me. I told her that we should take space before anything further is said and revisit the next day, and she refused. She followed me from room to room. The bathroom. The spare room. She threatened to leave for a few days, then asked if I'd like that, and since it was at night if I would be happy if she got into a car accident going somewhere else. I stated obviously not, I'm not going to tell her to leave, and that I wanted the shouting to stop and to take a breather from the argument. She then said "you treat me like I'm a man, why don't you go be with a man then" and "I hate you". It just crushed me. It still crushed me. I can't get it out of my head. I don't want to be angry and resentful about what she said, but I'm so hurt and feel so stupid.
I've begun writing down these incidences, as she made me question my version of events so many times and I began to feel like a real monster. Even if my heart didn't feel that way.
I went to therapy on my own to work through my own shortcomings and imperfections in hopes I can be a better partner. I feel like I've learned a lot and have had lots of growth, until there is any conflict and she escalates and nothing I can do can stop it. I've asked her to work on her anger, that its understandable considering her past, and things get better for a while. She's had growth as well through the years, and has made strides.
When things are good, i feel so loved and cherished and special. Until it's not.
She wants us to buy a place together next month and get married next year, but I'm just not sure.
Does anyone have any clarity or suggestions on what next steps I should consider?
Tdr; couple not communicating well during conflict, how to move forward in the relationship

Hello,
I start my first year teaching art in August. I really want to do as much as I can to prep materials etc. I have the summer off and want to really use the time productively. Please share any tips for curriculum development/prepping etc. My task list for what I plan to complete within the next two months:
-Classroom management plan -Curriculum Map for academic year -lesson plans K-8 -Lesson slides -Video demo -Make lesson projects samples -Anchor Charts & Labels -Create any additional lesson materials -Research/visit local Art organizations/artist/. museums to incorporate them in curriculum
What’s your lesson plan process?
I am confused on exactly what to teach or what order. I have project ideas but if anyone can give advice on that I would appreciate it. I was very fortunate to receive a large laminate machine, printer and document camera as graduation gifts so I plan on using them along with my cricut to make art posters, classroom materials etc. I also want to prerecord some art skill demos for the lessons so I can really focus on classroom management/monitoring students.

Yesterday, I had my graduation ceremony. After years of university with absolutely no help besides occasional rides to the bus stop and, very rarely, to campus, I finally graduated. Here's what my parents have done in the lead-up to graduation and the day after instead of supporting me.
My parents spent months leading up to the graduation freaking out about how I'll get a job, trying to control my hair and clothing (even implying I'm ugly when I choose my own hair and clothing), harassing me to hand out business cards to everyone I meet (especially if the situation would be an immense faux pas), grilling me on if my grades are good, lecturing me relentlessly about how I need to keep in contact with people in my class and it's soooo important and would I like to hear about how my dad got a job through nepotism for the eightieth time, asking me questions they already know the answers to (Yes, I'm still talking to my former classmates. Yes, I know that you worked in the Yukon when you were 18. Yes, I know about your friend who worked in a weather station. Yes, I know you had to move to find a job in the 1980s. Yes, I am aware that it is a possibility I might have to move too. Yes, I know that it's okay to invite people over to the house, you've only "informed" me about a hundred times. Yes, I know that school is important.) Every single thing that they "inform" me about is something I have very clearly expressed that I understand, and is just thinly veiled criticism. But my dad needs to lecture more than he needs oxygen.
Just constant nitpicking, criticism, and nothing I ever did was enough. I couldn't even focus on grades, because they would in their own words "put pressure on" me to do what they wanted. To handle their emotions for them. They're obsessed with the idea that I would have to move to a tiny town or work in a coal mine to find a job, because I'm more highly educated than my dad (who dropped out of university despite having all expenses paid by his father), and because my dad worked in the Yukon for two summers. He will never shut up about that, and he even goes so far as to hold us hostage with implicit threat of a massive tantrum to listen to him tell us the story again and again and again and to show us pictures of the place he worked on Google maps and point to everything he remembers. Sometimes he can go on for half an hour just repeating himself over and over.
Last summer, my parents even went and took action without my knowledge or approval to try and get a job set up for me cleaning up a mine contaminated with arsenic in the middle of nowhere, NWT. They tried to guilt and shame me into it ("What are your plans instead? Do you have another job lined up? Because you need to have a job. You can't sit around all day." This coming almost literally one week into summer vacation after my second-last year of university, when I could be using my energy to find interesting co-ops or explore hobbies or travel, instead dealing with their harassment and obsession with trying to literally trap me in a fucking arsenic mine.) They went on and on, lectured me over and over, implied that I would be embarrassing my grandfather if I didn't go, and so on. Eventually they said "You can go work or get a certification", and I picked the certification, but then they got grumpy anyways, and every week for the entire summer they would ask "Are you still working on the certification?". Of course, dipsh*t. I've told you fifty times how long the program lasts.
They don't care about what I'm learning in class, don't care about my hobbies or interests, only care about my friends as either a means to get backdoored into a job or a "nice French Canadian woman" to have babies with. They don't care if I'm struggling, and are completely unavailable to help in any regard. Any request for help would result in a guilt trip. Even if I actually couldn't eat dinner with the family for one day because I had a test, my father would get raw emotions and I'd have to walk on eggshells for a few days. The one time I mentioned I was having trouble studying, instead of shutting up and no longer ranting in the main floor where I could hear him or turning the TV off, he just dragged a table into the unfurnished boiler room (without asking me) and then told me that I would have to study there. I wasn't allowed to choose not to, because he'd already set it up. Ironically, my anger at him did let me study pretty well for the one day that I was forced there. He tried to keep me there long-term because he thought it was just such a great idea, but I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't need help studying anymore, so I got to study at a desk with a light on it and flooring that wasn't bare cement. Hooray for the most minor victory imaginable.
In the months leading up to graduation, did they care about how hard I was working at my capstone project and offer support? Absolutely not! Did they care about how well my sleep quality was, how many times the cat woke me up because they didn't play with her enough or give her enough attention? Nope! Did they care about how exhausting it was to deal with their constant lectures on the same topics, and to have to give them affirmations ("Yes, you're right, that's right, good job, nice, very tasty, good work, oh really?, neat, that's cool, how'd you make that?, mhm, I agree, you're being reasonable, they're being ridiculous, that's crazy") a hundred times a day? Not even in the slightest!
We spend more time talking about my dad's college friends than about anything I or my brother care about.
Then, leading up to graduation. all I've gotten are the most humiliating, infuriating, insulting messages and lectures from my parents. I get almost daily emails and texts saying "You need to get a job, it's important to look for a job" despite the fact I've told them I am looking probably fifty times. Too cowardly to say it to my face. I've been texted literal links to a Google search for "[degree name] jobs [city]" more than once. Both my parents treat me like I don't listen, when I do. They treat me like I'm lazy, when I've put myself through university with no help even after they lied to me about giving me financial aid and made me out to be a bully demanding more money when all I did was say "alright" and then pay for it myself. They must have sternly given me a talking to about how "I'm not going to pay for university, you know that, right? You need to pay. Don't expect us to pay. Because we paid for your first semesters, you know that, right? We've already paid for enough." thirty times, even after I'd made the final payment. They treat me like I'm stupid when I have expressed understanding before. They treat me like I'm a bully while I always bend over backwards for them, just because I don't play my role as "surrogate mommy but this time I get to tell her what to do" well enough.
It feels like they're almost raising me into a replacement or surrogate parent. Like my dad wants me to be his mom or dad, except this time he gets to be in charge. And my mom wants me to be her mom, except this time when she freaks out or has her deer in headlights look, she'll get someone to step up and take care of everything for her. I distinctly remember having to comfort her even for things she did to me, like tell me that a pair of comfortable shoes I picked out was good and she'd get them, and then immediately scream "take it out, take it out!" after it was scanned at the register. I could not have been older than twelve. And for my dad, he always rants and raves to me exactly like he does to his parents, except without including blame for them sending him to boarding school and instead having tons of old "life updates" like where he worked when he was 18 and what music he liked to listen to in high school, stuff like that. Then he expects me to praise him or be interested like his parents never were (he always tells me that his parents only cared about his car when they called).
So now I graduated. All they had to say in the days coming up to it was to grill me on the time I'd have to be at the venue and the time I was planning to leave the house to get there on time, with a distinct air of "you're too lazy to think of this in advance and too stupid to figure it out without a plan". Of course, I had to answer this question probably five times, because they don't care to ever listen to me. Before the ceremony I got text messages showing they were way more excited about themselves being here than anything relating to me, with multiple messages expressing how they arrived and it was exciting, then they asked me how the atmosphere was and their only reply was a one-word "nice" with no punctuation, because they don't care about me and only ask droll questions to segue into their next bit.
After grad, there was two generic sentences spoken with no emotion about how it was nice I graduated, and then they made a whole song and dance about the amazing gifts they got me. It was a degree frame I picked out myself that my dad presented as new and exciting (because he never pays attention to me, of course, when I told him I had picked one out and ordered it with my mother. Also she had another freakout about price and acted like I was holding her hostage by taking her unforced offer to buy me the second-cheapest degree frame on offer.). Then he presented the free gift small frame they got with it as though I should praise him for it, then a congratulation card that was alright I suppose if only because my brother drew a little creature in it that made me smile (my parents did not add anything special or meaningful to it). There was also a cap, which I genuinely enjoy and is nice, and a cheap ballpoint pen for some reason. He said there was more gifts at home, which okay, I don't care about gifts but I'd like him to at least be as excited for my graduation as he was for the picture frame. I didn't get any souvenirs from the bookstore because I knew if I got something he'd also gotten he'd freak out and accuse me of not listening to him or whatever, so I waited. When I got home my gift was Skittles. I don't know why I thought me might have gone to the bookstore and gotten me something special related to my actual interests. He doesn't care to know what those are anyways. I guess I hoped that at least this one day would be different.
Today, the day after graduation, all I've gotten from my parents is:
- Involved in a lecture and manufactured drama about my brother not using my car to drive to his job, even though my dad had the exact opposite position the entire rest of the year, because "what if you need to drive somewhere?", trying to manufacture a fight between my brother and me while also guilting and shaming me for not driving as a hobby like he does.
- A text message from my mother asking me if I'm awake because she wants more ammo to paint me as lazy. Nevermind that I barely slept the night before to make it to grad (of course neither of my parents would care enough about me to come with me as a family. I was literally the only person I saw who went on my own and without their family showing up early too, to support them. I walked past so many families in the parking lot knowing my mother couldn't be bothered to change out of her pajamas for me.) Nevermind I had a huge day that day, and that I was taking care of the cat's energy all that night too because attending my grad is apparently soooo draining my parents can't look after their own pet, and somehow it falls to me. All that matters is she woke up early and I didn't (after I handled all her inconveniences for her, funny how that works).
- Rapid knocks on my door because my dad is making bread as a hobby and apparently "needs" me there to help him with it, and then also "needed" me to stay and make cookies with him.
- A lecture about someone I never knew who apparently once threw something at another kid on my street when I was about 5, and about how he died and how his wife's hobby was really expensive or whatever and if I really don't remember him?
- I went to a showhome for fun and brought back the brochure. My dad jabbed his finger at the pictures on it to explain the house to me like I wasn't the one who literally brought the brochure back. Never asked if I cared or anything, just immediate launch into lecture and expecting me to stay and listen and praise him for being so smart or whatever.
- A lecture about D Day for some fucking reason. My dad is obsessed with history, and he doesn't have any friends to talk to (wonder why) so his lectures always fall on my ears.
- An email from my mother explaining in an extremely condescending way how important it is to have a cover letter when applying for jobs (just completely assuming I don't write them and also am too lazy or stupid to think about having them) including copy-pasted text from a sample cover letter that is no doubt one of the first results on google for "cover letter example"
- An angry email from my mother including a job she found on google
But, contrast that to my neighbors across the street. I was friends them in grade school, haven't seen them in like ten years, and just on my way past to the showhome we said hi and chatted in a genuinely nice conversation that wasn't a one-sided lecture like usual in my house. They could sense my emotions and didn't try to keep me there longer than I wanted to rant, they were genuinely interested in me and gave me space and interest to express myself, their mother even hugged me for graduating and it was the most genuine hug and congratulations I've ever received in person. Every other hug was my family members forcing me to hug them for their own sole benefit. I admit I cried a bit later on my walk thinking about it.
Compared to my parents, the parents of old friends care more about me, trust me more, believe in me more, have more hope for my future, are more interested in me, and understand me better. It's tremendously sad that all throughout my graduation ceremony I was worried about my parents becoming upset for some random reason and blowing up at me. I'm glad I at least focused and made myself feel some pride and joy in myself for graduating.
Even the random people I met who were also taking part in the open house were nicer and better conversationalists than my parents. A random elderly couple I have never seen in my life can have a better interaction with me than my own parents. The realtor was more chill and less perfectionistic than my parents by a mile. His million-dollar house sale was something he was less stressed and perfectionistic about and something he beat himself up over less than my parents are about my hairstyle when I'm going to class because "What if you meet someone in industry and they see you're not professional".
It's absurd.

Lately I have begun to feel like my relationship with WP is lacking intimacy. It's not really either of our faults, he had a lot of school work this term and has been just plain busy. We still try to eat dinner together and go to bed at the same time, but it's still just making me sad.
It feels like we're falling back into old patterns and I'm starting to lose my desire to be physically intimate at all again. I don't want to be back there! Last time I kept telling myself "it'll get better when x" and it just never did. Do how do I tell him this is a problem without coming across like I don't care about his stress? Do I wait until we go back to counseling in a couple weeks?
I'm also feeling some type of way because he hasn't initiated sex either. I feel unwanted and unattractive. I know that's not really the case and it's mainly because he's stressed out but I still can't help thinking that. I guess on the plus side I do remember for the last couple months of his affair they barely even sexted because he was stressed, so it's not like it's just me.
Also on the plus side while reading about intimacy in relationships I realized he and AP never really got past the base level. Sure there were romantic things said, but he almost never shared his feelings with her. When discussing emotions he talked to her like you would talk to a coworker. So maybe it's a little easier to believe him when he says that it wasn't love.
Anyways, tips to improve emotional intimacy would be greatly appreciated. I don't really know where to go from here.

I’ve been reading this board for hours and see many common threads here so gonna post this bit of wisdom; some should help if you read and take to heart.
1/ Men are not complex creatures; we need love, food, sex, and respect. Admiration will come through as love to us.
2/ Men are often not emotionally aware to the level women are. MOST, haven’t been to counseling, haven’t been trained well on emotional intelligence, and don’t have a clue how you feel day to day; you may have to tell him basic things like “rubbing my feet like that makes me feel awesome” or “playing golf every weekend drains the emotional bank account”
3/ Men telegraph their issues in obvious ways. If they are digging through your phone or accusing you, it’s a sign they feel guilty about something.
4/ Men don’t lose interest in sex… they are hard wired to get thirstier for sex by the day. The more they wait, the thirstier they get. If they aren’t showing interest, it’s because they are likely turned off by you (some emotional resentment), they have gotten overweight around 40, or some hormone imbalance due to health.
5/ Because of emotional ignorance, men often build resentments over time. They don’t know how to express issues, and shit builds. Ladies you may need to ask some probing questions to discover why distance grows… my advice, do this after a good meal and he’s feeling some peace.
6/ Marriage requires steady investment. By both parties. Making money isn’t enough. Taking care of kids isn’t enough. So sit down and outline what a successful marriage looks like, and how often you’re investing in it. This will help the man by knowing, not guessing. Take the guesswork out. If he knows fishing every other weekend keeps things healthy, but every weekend drains the marriage, that is important to know.. . He won’t know this by default.
7/ Building secrets in marriage is a slippery slope. Don’t keep your vibrator time to yourself and upset if you catch him looking at porn. I would work hard to bring your intimate needs to one another, not alone. Warning signs here are rejection… if you feel rejection or rejecting him, then you guys need to pause and have a talk.
8/ it takes a lot of energy to talk about issues, change or emotion. Pick one Sunday evening a month to chat about “things” for an hour or two. Make it known, and don’t overburden time in between fretting… you cannot work out complex problems in short windows or forced windows.
9/ Money is always tied to underlying emotion for a man, especially if he works superbly hard for it. Often times a job takes 50%+ of his emotional energy and that’s often a reality. Plan carefully the for other 50% across kids, intimacy, setting expectations, etc. Not setting financial expectations is a leading cause for divorce.
10/ When marriage gets fully burdened, (kids, mortgage, jobs, money, debt, stress, etc), then it’s very easy to forget all about your partner. If you want a good marriage, you have to keep your partner above all this… same for men and women.
Hopefully some of these words helps at least one of you. Welcome to ask addl.

Greetings everybody,
A little bit of background first: I am a bassist playing in various bands and contexts. My musical ecosystem for the last 10 years has been my bass and an amp (and some pedals).
I have always been a Hip Hop/Boom Bap/LoFi fan. In the last few months, I kicked myself in the butt and started to learn to produce these kind of music. I kind of “need” a machine because I do not really enjoy producing on a computer. Pro tools for recording different instruments on different tracks works for me but not more than that.
As of today here is my experience:
Koala Sampler on iPad: Love the workflow and how everything is laid out. The way you can organize and perform beats is amazing to me. Sadly, doing stuff for too long on an iPad makes me loose interest personally. Sampling from YT, Vinyls or any other sources is also clunky to me.
PO-33 KO: I adore this little beast. I have done 4-5 beats already and tried to maximized it as much as possible. Only negative this is that the 40s sampling is kind of limiting for some of my ideas. I also feel like I can only work on one beat at a time on the PO which frustrates me sometimes he lack of some features such as muting and solo sound can also slow down the thought process.
So I started to look around and inevitably heard about the MPC One and the SP404. I never owned these devices or their predecessors. I’m looking for something that combines the good stuff of the products I used and I am always ready to make some compromises.
So here I am asking for feedback and experiences.
Much love y’all